Jay Shetty
Appearances
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: The Rudy Of Dating
Hey, you're listening to On Purpose with Jay Shetty, and today my guests are none other than Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: The Rudy Of Dating
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: The Rudy Of Dating
Hey, you're listening to On Purpose with Jay Shetty. And today my guests are none other than Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: The Rudy Of Dating
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: After Date Double Trouble
It's not me anymore. Whoever Lizzo is to the world is not really even me. And that disconnect is depressing. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: After Date Double Trouble
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
If you can't see something in your mind, you can't create it in your life. And so instead of looking at life through these two extremes, maybe there's a middle path. And the middle path could be that, wait a minute, maybe I don't need to quit my job. Maybe I can stay at my job and then build my passion and build my skills and learn and expand my network.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Yeah, I'd have to agree. I think everything that Michelle just said, I think really summarizes the challenge. And he used a line that said, seemingly at odds. And I think that's exactly what it is. It's like we live in this world now where it's either either or. Like I can either have success and ambition or I can have love and relationships.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
I can have an amazing family and home or I can have an amazing career. And what's fascinating about it is that it's actually a block in the mind. And I feel like if you can't see something in your mind, you can't create it in your life. And so instead of looking at life through these two extremes, maybe there's a middle path.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And the middle path could be that, wait a minute, maybe I don't need to quit my job. Maybe I can stay at my job and then build my passion and build my skills and learn and expand my network. And maybe this thing that feels like a big risk and feels like a big jump and a big leap, maybe I can make it feel like a series of steps that make it feel seamless and smooth.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Maybe it doesn't need to be, if I don't go all in, then I'm not going to make it. And I think sometimes also our mindset today is if I don't go all in, then it doesn't matter. But then if you don't go all in, you're just all out. You never try. You never gave it a go. And I think also the perception of thinking that if I have a family, it means I can't take risk.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Going back to your point of the why, Michelle, I feel like A lot of us don't realize that maybe the partner you're going to be with is going to be attracted to your ambition. Maybe they'll be attracted to the fact you want to take a risk. Maybe when you're honest with them about who you are, they'll say, you got to go for your dreams. I don't want to be with someone who's settled.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And so I think you can't preempt that. It all depends who you attract and who you choose.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
I think there's a feeling we have that if I do one thing, then I'll do it perfectly. And so that perfectionist mindset, we feel, well, if I just focused at home, I'd build a perfect home. Or if I focused on my career, then I'd build a perfect career. And the truth is we're going to do both imperfectly whether you gave them 100% attention or 50-50.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And I think what I hear in Adrian and I empathize with it, I genuinely do, is we're all struggling to give ourselves permission to make mistakes on both. Yeah, yeah. And there's this feeling today that I have to get it 100% right. And the truth is, we're going to fumble and we're going to fall. And maybe one day I'm not going to be the best at work.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And maybe I am going to say something to my wife that I regret and I want to take back. And maybe I'm not going to be present at every recital. And maybe, and that's the reality. And I think we've stopped looking at life as this real, honest, transparent, flawed-filled dance.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And we almost want it to be like, well, if I devote my life to this, then I will be able to eliminate all forms of trauma, pain, and stress. And I just don't think it's real. So I think we're seeking that permission. I think that we're looking for someone to say, it's okay.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
No, I was listening to you, Michelle, and just relating in our own unique and different way to so much of what you said. When I met my wife, I just left the monastery and I was in debt. I didn't have a job. And even though I was a first class honors degree graduate, I couldn't get a job because surprise, surprise, no one wanted to hire a former monk. Right. Why not?
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Sitting still and being silent? We don't need that. But it wasn't valued. I remember going... I wouldn't even get a job interview, actually. I was applying online and I wouldn't even get invited to the next stage. It was quite hard on my own self-worth and... I was starting to date this girl at the time, who's now my wife. How old were you? I was 25, going on 26.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And so I was younger than Adrian, so I understand that there's a difference there. But there was a part of me that just thinking, will I ever get a job? Like, who's ever going to give me a shot? And I'm so grateful to my wife for sticking through all of that with me and navigating it with me and never ever making me feel pressure.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
I think that's what I'd give her credit for is I've never felt pressure from her for a certain type of lifestyle, a certain set of things, even today. And I think that's what allowed me to take more risks. It's what allowed me to dream bigger. It's what allowed me to... try new things and fail and go backwards and forwards.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And for Adrian, I would encourage him, like I think we all are, of be honest about who you are, be transparent about what you want. And if you're not out there meeting people and having these conversations, you're going to assume that everyone wants you to be set up, steady and stable rather than ambitious, dreaming and navigating what that looks like.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And so one of the things I think would be helpful for... him is to start meeting people, is to start dating, and also talk to friends who are in those environments. Talk to his friends who are entrepreneurs, who have left the world of work. Talk to them about who's friends with their circles, who's connected, because you're also going to find them in similar spaces.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
It's going to be more likely that one of your friends says, oh yeah, I just met this person. They're also trying to be an entrepreneur. They also want to be with someone who's figuring it out. And I think that culture today is growing compared to when you met or when we met. I feel like the culture today of people building interesting lives together is spreading further.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Based on that, it would be in the wild.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Thank you.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And maybe this thing that feels like a big risk and feels like a big jump and a big leap, maybe I can make it feel like a series of steps that make it feel seamless and smooth. Maybe it doesn't need to be, if I don't go all in, then I'm not going to make it. And I think sometimes also... Our mindset today is if I don't go all in, then it doesn't matter.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Grateful to be here. Thank you so much. It's great to see you. Thank you. Thanks so much. Craig, it's wonderful to meet you.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Oh, that's very kind. Well, that's because of her. Everything she said is beautiful. No, no, that's because of you. We already know.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
That's the biggest weakness. And our greatest strength is our network, is our community. And so don't put yourself in a position where you're your only stability and foundation, which is where Adrian's kind of at right now.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Yeah, I think what Adrian needs is practical advice is how can you look at this differently? How is there not only two choices? We've all said this today. What's that third choice? What's the middle path? What's that version that puts them together as opposed to separates them apart?
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And so I think that's the most practical advice for Adrian is let's approach this through a new lens where we're now not looking at it in a divided way and wanting a harmonious life. That's not going to happen. Yeah. The second practical advice I'd say to him is stop trying to predict, project, and assume everything.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
There's this feeling, and we all do this, we plan, project, and predict the partner we're going to meet, how our profession's going to go, how things are going to be. And I think both of you would say, having lived life more than I have, it rarely goes to plan. Like it pivots so often. And so be open to the pivot.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
I think we place so much emphasis on making the perfect decision that we sometimes don't even ever make one. And so I think be active, start that company on the side, get out there and date, stay at the company and keep doing well, start putting things into practice and then pivot rather than trying to theorize perfectly in your mind how everything's going to play out.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Is that true? That's true. That's 100% right.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
I'm not a dad yet. And I think about that often. So I'm going to be hopefully joining the ODC.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
I'm so touched by that. But honestly, I think the pleasure is all mine.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
mind to sit with you both to learn from you both to hear about your stories and i'm so grateful you're doing this format because i think there's something special about siblings sitting together and sharing their journey and the amount you know about each other i think it's beautiful and i think this will inspire a lot of siblings a lot of family connections to improve thank you for being such a wonderful examples thank you for inspiring me to want to do more with my sister now
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
We're calling her. Thank you so much.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Wow, that's a great question. That's a great question.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
You're doing better than me right now. You've stumped me already. The thing I'm asked about least... probably is my family. And the fact that you're both doing this together just shows how important family is and how much it shapes us and how much it molds us. And I would say my family experiences are a huge part of why I do what I do today.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And I've never spoken about this before, but I have a really beautiful relationship with both my mother and father But I mediated their relationship ever since I was a young boy. And so I found myself at 10 years old, sitting with them individually, listening to them, trying to understand them, giving them a shoulder to... rest on, to feel seen, heard, and understood. Wow.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And I feel that all the work I try and do today to try and help and serve the people online or wherever it be, through my books or my podcast, comes from, I feel I've just played that role my whole life. I remember doing it for my parents and recognizing that they were both beautiful, wonderful people, but had their differences.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And to be able to recognize that at an early age, I think has allowed me to not have this divided thinking of it's one or the other.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
I would like to think that I took good notes and that helped a lot of what to do, what not to do. And I think I'll be happy and satisfied if I figure out how we can help more people get to that. I think that's the hard part.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Amazing. I want to unpack so many things. So now you've given me enough stuff to just grapple with. I loved what you said about the idea that you can't over love someone. Like that's beautiful to hear. And I always feel that my mom's love was like that for me. I always grew up believing I was lovable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
My mom's love shielded me from so much of the other pain and stress and everything else I saw happening around me. And a lot of what you just said about women, I see to be so true today because I've seen research and studies that show that if a man sees a job specification and can do less than half of it, he'll still apply.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And if a woman sees something and even if she can do 80% of it, she won't apply because she can't do the 20% remaining. And so even when I talk to my male friends today and I know a lot of their wives and partners and girlfriends and whatever else it may be, they all find that so many women are scared to go out there and start a company. They're scared to take that risk.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
They're fearful that they can't, or they're waiting till they have everything, like all their ducks in a row before they give themselves an opportunity. How did early on in your life, your dad saying this repetitive statement to you, how did that not become a pressure? And how did it feel empowering? Because I feel that sometimes if you're told you've got it, you can do this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
A lot of people see that as pressure and then they feel they can't live up to it. What was different about the parenting aspect of that? Because I think a lot of parents listening may take a lot from what your dad did, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
It's amazing. When you go from pitching your idea to all of your bosses and they kind of look at you like, this is going to fail, this isn't going to work. And then obviously your dad gives you that encouraging statement. You said that you moved back home then.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
So I'm imagining that you were making a decent amount of money working at a financial services firm. Yeah. And when you choose to start a company, I'm guessing you took a massive pay hit. And I assume you were living out and then you moved back home.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Now, the reason why I'm pinpointing that moment is because I think those golden handcuffs that so many of us tie around ourselves with the safe corporate job. And when you've got a great degree and you finally get that job you've been waiting to get for like 18 years of your life and everyone respects you for it, it looks good on your LinkedIn and your resume.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I found so many people struggle at that point to say, well, I'm willing to take less money. I'm willing to downgrade my lifestyle. I'm willing to postpone and delay the gratification of having nice things because chances are if I live with my parents and I'm not making the money anymore, life changes. Walk me through deeply that decision
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Because I think for so many of our community listening and so many people that I mentor, coach, speak to, this seems to be one of the most pivotal moments of their life that were you willing to go two steps backwards in order to go five steps forward? And so many of us are so scared to go two steps backwards because we've got so used to a certain level of lifestyle.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
So walk us through that key decision point.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I actually think what you said makes a lot of sense that at that time, there was a sense of you didn't have the pressure to of the success story that social media puts around you. And so now it's like, everyone thinks to themselves, I have to build a million dollar, billion dollar business.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And as soon as you say that, it's so hard because it's such a long journey to get there that it's such an overwhelming mountain. And it's almost like you're standing at the base of a mountain and it looks so high. And you're just like, how am I ever going to get to the top?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And I remember the same, like when we launched our podcast, I didn't have a number of downloads I was trying to reach, or I didn't have a number of followers that I was like, oh, this would be success. It was like, this is what I love. This is the stories I want to tell. This is how we want to serve our community. This is the experience we want to build. And that's how we started.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And then of course, everything got more strategic as we developed and we learned more and everything. But I didn't have that pressure on day one. And I think if I did... I may never have put out a video. I would never have put out a piece of content because it was going to be years or months or days until you actually reached this false goal you set yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
So when you're starting out, how do you set goals that are empowering and not debilitating? Because I see a lot of founders setting very debilitating goals.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
That's a great goal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to listen, learn, and grow. You know that On Purpose is the home of deep, profound, powerful conversations with humans who've lived extraordinary lives, achieved phenomenal things, but at the heart of it have a deep purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
The statistics you mentioned a couple of moments ago about the number of female founders, funding going to female founders, those are so alarming and they're not even close to being good. No. that you had to learn to navigate? And how would you encourage women who are in that space right now? Because it can get so easy to get discouraged. It's so easy to become bitter.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
It's so easy to become completely disempowered. And by the way, all of that would be extremely valid based on the statistics you just shared. What did you learn that if you were like, here are three lessons, masterclasses, moments of navigation that I learned that helped me play the game and figure it out, as opposed to give up on the game and quit because it was too hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
They also have the ability to open their hearts, open their minds, to share the true failures, the lessons that they've had on their journey. Today's guest is someone that I'm so excited to introduce to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
What would you say were the biggest three things that you were like, these three things taught me how to play the game. And I had to learn to navigate these in order to win in this world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
She's had truly a breathtaking journey, and it's one that is going to inspire you and help you learn how you too can build an amazing business, understand what it feels like to manage and balance family life through it all. and at the same time go and pursue more even after success. I'm speaking about the one and only Suneera Madani, a true trailblazer in business world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Suneera is the CEO and co-founder of fintech startup Worth AI. Suneera previously founded Stacks Payments, where she took an idea and built it first into the private startup with $140 million in recurring revenue and then into a business valued at over a billion dollars. Suneera is also the founder of the CEO School podcast and the founder of the CEO School company.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
If you haven't subscribed, make sure you do because both of them empower women to scale their businesses and change the landscape of the traditional business world. Suneera is the daughter of Pakistani immigrants and the first person in her family to attend college as well. Please welcome to the show Suneera Madani. Suneera, it is such a joy to have you here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Yeah, no, thank you for being so honest as well, because I think it's, like you said, it's been 10 years and it still hasn't changed drastically. It's changed a little bit, but your ability to deal with it positively and proactively has helped you move along. And one of the things you did, and you said to me, like you built your business with family.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And that's rare, I feel, as well in this day and age. I feel like there were companies like a century ago, which were family built, family owned. They passed it down through generations. Family built businesses are more rare now. And I've even had a lot of friends and family members that I know that have built things with their friends, investments, companies.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And at some point, there's a break off. There's a breakdown in communication. There's potentially distance that's created. And I think people can sometimes be quite naive and trusting when they go into family-based or friend-based businesses. And at some point, the friendship kind of changes because of money. The family falls out over money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Your journey is truly remarkable and I'm so glad that we get to share it here with the On Purpose community.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Generally, money seems to be this force that has the power to break some of the deepest bonds. As someone who's built a successful relationship,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
with their family and built a business at the same time, what three warnings or cautions or clarifications would you put into place for anyone listening right now thinking, I'm starting this with my friend, I'm super excited, we love each other, we don't need anything, contracts, forget it. Or someone with their family is just like, of course I trust my family.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
What would you be three things you'd lay out for them to say, here's how to get it right and here's what we did?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I know. I felt like I was like, we're probably gonna have to put some of that in. But I want to start with this. And it's probably nothing to do with what I said we were just about to talk about. But you are a self-proclaimed, highly caffeinated time hacker.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And I was like, my team and everyone was like, we want to be that. Tell us what that means.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I think there's something to be said for relationships where you already have a deep understanding of each other. When Radhi and I started Juni together, which is our tea company, It was so much about leaning into each other's strengths and trusting each other with what we knew. So I know that Radhi deeply understands flavor profile. She really understands ingredients.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
She knows what's good for people's health. That's her world. That's what she's dedicated her life to. She's a nutritionist. She's a dietician. She has a background in that. And so I can trust her with that. And then I love storytelling. I love symbolism. I love aesthetics. Like that's my world. And I love the idea of how something can become a part of someone's routine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And, you know, we have a Junie for the morning and a Junie for the evening and a Junie for midday pick me up. And I understand how people need to use products in order to feel better. And when there's that trust and that understanding, now it's like, okay, we don't need to tread on each other's toes. But we'd been together for probably like, nine, 10 years when we started something together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
So there's such a deep understanding. Whereas if we started it in year one, chances are it would have been a lot more difficult. And so I think if you are building something with someone you know, if you know them well enough, it's more likely to be effective as opposed to like, oh, we just hit it off and we kind of got some chemistry and then, you know, you don't really know them well enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
But I wanted to ask you something, something that I want to pivot slightly because I think it's something that I talk to a lot of people about And I think you've nailed it. And we kind of touched on it in our previous conversation before we started recording. You built a business in what is a background product, right? In the sense of it's not consumer facing directly. It's not something that...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
everyone would come across.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Yeah, I call it unsexy money. And I think it's the coolest type of money. There's a lot of pressure these days where everyone thinks I have to have a social media following. I have to build a brand that's known online. I need a viral brand if it's going to make money. It has to be consumer. Like we put this weird pressure. And I always think about, like I used to work at Accenture.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And I used to think about the amount of things that Accenture acquired, things that Accenture worked with. And I'd always be like, no one's ever heard of these companies. And there are founders here winning massively.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And I feel like this generation might be missing out on the businesses that solve real problems, that affect millions of people behind the scenes, that the opportunity to scale really, really fast because we're too busy trying to grow an online following.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And so walk us through that understanding of how you encourage founders to find their niche and build their product and think about what they're doing. Because today it's been like, oh, well, if my brand hasn't had a viral video yet, it probably won't become big. So walk us through that a little bit.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Okay, so we're going to need all of those tips and tools today. For sure. I think there's a lot of our audience that really wants to know how to use their time more wisely, understand how to be more productive and effective. But I want to start off by, actually, let's just dive into that. Let's talk about that. Like, what did you used to believe time management was?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And now having been so effective for this many years, what have you now come to the conclusion that what time management actually is?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Yeah, I think you're the right person to ask this question to because you talked about working hard and working smart. But what was the mindset shift in building a million dollar business, 100 million, and then getting to a billion? Like what changed? Because I think... there may be people listening who've like built the million and they're like, I want to get to 10 or 100.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I don't know what's, what do I need to do differently? Because I think at every level, there's a different mindset, a different type of work that's required. And often we don't talk about that enough. And so you keep doing the same thing again and again, expecting a different result, as Einstein said, is insanity. What was different?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
What did you find that you had to up level to go from one to 100, 100 to a billion?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Oh, wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I really appreciate your highlighting of just how many challenges there are to solve and how it's actually normal for things to break every time you upgrade and up level. And by the way, this includes the team that's working too. Like I look at, I couldn't do anything without my team. It just wouldn't be possible.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And the people process profit point is so brilliantly laid out for anyone who's listening right now. Like I think those three things are so pivotal in an organization and people being able to constantly solve after a break that resilience and grit that's required by the whole team, not just by the leader, by the whole team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
that's so pivotal and I was going to ask you because I'm listening to you now and I'm thinking there's probably at least like I reckon you have a minimum of a hundred stories a year of things going wrong and I was going to ask you what was your darkest day as an entrepreneur like what was the toughest day that you remember where and how did it feel and how did you deal with it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Is that scenario 2.9 now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I love this already.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
That's so beautiful to hear and it's so wonderful that you were able to take lessons from the last 10 years and shift and make changes and use this transition period to have a more transformational journey now because... Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
When you're coming up with criteria for do, delegate, delete, how do you decide? Because I find that often, especially in the beginning, and I'm sure it was the same for you, and we'll get to that in a second, but there's a feeling like I have to do everything and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I probably have to because I can't afford to delegate you may not have a team in the beginning so when you start growing or when you start building how do you find the ability to decide okay this is what I'm still going to do this is what I delegate this is what I delete because often founders and startup owners or anyone will say to me I think everything's important yeah how do I decide what's important to do with my time
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
The thing that really hit me because I've been thinking a lot about this is the needle moving part. Because often what we think of delegation or roles as, we also think, oh, someone else will take care of all the little stuff, I'll do the big stuff. And actually you're then deprioritizing that person because you also want them to be doing needle moving things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And you may be doing bigger, larger, more long-term needle moving things, but you don't want to be like, I'm going to hand off all the little things to someone else to deal with, because those little things may actually become a distraction to you and that individual. So anyway, I want to go back to when you start thinking about building this billion dollar empire.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And did you know the day you started Stacks that you wanted it to be a billion dollar business?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I love hearing that. That's great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Wow. That's, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Become the person you want to attract. When we focus on our own growth, the right relationships naturally follow. Number six, what about manifesting love? How do we stop chasing and start aligning? Joe shares why joy and presence are the key to attracting the right partner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
That really resonated with me. The idea that we're not searching, we're aligning. It's a whole new way to look at love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
So in this special compilation episode, I've gathered wisdom from some of the best minds out there to help you navigate love with more clarity, confidence, and purpose. Number one, how do we know if someone is wasting our time? Whether it's a relationship that feels stagnant or a connection that just doesn't seem to be going anywhere, we need to recognize the signs.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Number seven, once we find someone, we often overthink it. Is this the one? Is there someone better out there? That's where Matthew Hussey, relationship coach and New York Times bestselling author comes in. He's been coaching people for years on how to make love work without the mind games.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Do they make the right amount of money?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
To break it down for us, we have Stefan Speaks, relationship coach, speaker, and bestselling author. He's helped millions navigate love with honesty and self-awareness. Let's hear what he has to say.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Oh, wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
That's such a fresh take. Stop looking for perfect. Start building something real. Number eight, sometimes love isn't about holding on. It's about letting go. And no one explains that better than James Corden, comedian, talk show host, and actor. He shares a powerful analogy about love and letting go that I know will stick with you as it has with me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Most of us are conditioned to believe when you find something good, hold onto it forever. Make sure it lasts forever because you never know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
This next conversation is really close to my heart because it's with someone who knows me better than anyone, my wife, Radhi. She's not just my life partner, she's an incredible nutritionist, chef, and advocate for conscious living. Over the years, we've learned so much about love together, what it means to grow as individuals while staying deeply connected as a couple.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Number nine, how to love fully without losing yourself in the process. Radhi shares her wisdom on maintaining a strong sense of self while being in a loving, supportive relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
I think a lot of people love people being dependent on them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Because it gives them a sense of significance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
I really hope that you got lots of value from that. That's why we're doing these compilations. I want to make things simple, seamless, and practical for you. Love isn't just about finding the right person. It's about becoming the right person. And through all these incredible conversations, one thing is clear. Self-awareness, growth, and intention are at the heart of real love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
I really hope this episode gave you clarity, perspective, and inspiration to approach love with more purpose. If something resonated with you, share it with a friend who needs to hear it and pass this on to someone else. I'll see you next time on On Purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Hey everyone, if you loved that conversation, go and check out my episode with the world's leading therapist, Laurie Gottlieb, where she answers the biggest questions that people ask in therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, and dating. If you're trying to figure out that space right now, you won't want to miss this conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
I mean, I love that. It's such an important reminder. Trust your intuition and be honest with yourself. Sometimes we overanalyze the other person instead of checking in with our own feelings. Now, let's go even deeper. Number two, how do we know if what we're feeling is true connection or just chemistry? Stefan explains the difference.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
I think for so many people you set unrealistic expectations in who you are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
And that's hard to come back from.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Chemistry can feel intense but it doesn't always mean long-term compatibility. Now, let's shift gears. Number three, maybe you're single and wondering, am I behind? If you've ever felt that way, this next guest is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Laurie Gottlieb is a psychotherapist, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, and a relationship expert who's here to remind us why being single at 28 or any age is not a bad thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Why is it that we struggle to actually do the work? What does that look like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
I love that perspective. It's not about timelines. It's about doing the work. But why do we resist the work? Number four, why is self-awareness so hard? Lori's got some powerful insights on how understanding our patterns can help us build better relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Is there a healthy way of future tripping with the person? Is there a collective collaborative future tripping? Like what does that look like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Now that's a wake up call. Sometimes doing the work means facing things we'd rather avoid. but that's the only way to grow. Number five, what if we keep attracting the same type of relationships over and over? Dr. Joe Dispenza, neuroscientist, researcher, and expert on rewiring the brain, explains how we can break free from those cycles and attract relationships that truly align with us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
These are the nine things you need to know about love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty. Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for tuning back into On Purpose. I appreciate it so much. Today, we're diving into one of the most important topics in all of our lives, love. And love isn't just about romantic relationships. It's about understanding ourselves, building meaningful connections, and growing into the best versions of who we are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah. Yeah. I like that idea of moving towards your calm. I mean, it's the same in relationships. Like I had one of my friends, she's going to hate me for putting it out. One of my friends messaged me the other day and she was just like, just went out with this guy. He was perfect. We had the same values. He'd be an amazing dad, but I just didn't feel it. And I was like, dude, did you feel peace?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Did you feel calm? And she was like, felt so peaceful. It felt so calm. I was like, you should at least give it a second date or a third date. Like you don't just write it off. And it was so interesting to me how we're so averse to things feeling aligned. Like we have this kind of, allergic reaction when something feels aligned and something actually feels like we connect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah, I really like that comparison between the two because obviously you were brilliant at both. And it's hard to decipher. I meet a lot of people who are like, Jay, I could do this or I could do this. Which one should I do? It's like a very common question that I get. I'm passionate about this and I'm passionate about this. And what I hear what you're saying to kind of decipher and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Divide the two is, well, maybe you're addicted to this and maybe you have a lot of affection for this over here and go with the thing that feels less overtly stressful, less dramatic, less like the high is really high and the low is really low.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
You've reminded me of this great book that I read a long time ago called Flow State. It's all about flow. And it talks about this idea that comedians, speakers, musicians, athletes experience flow state. Flow state is defined as when your skills meet the challenge. So when your skills and challenge are perfectly aligned, you experience flow. But what most of us experience are the opposite.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
So we experience our skills being above our challenge. So we feel bored and frustrated and kind of lethargic. Or you experience where your challenge is way above your skills and then you feel depressed and you feel annoyed and you feel angry. Out of control. out of control. And so we've got to constantly find a space or find the thing where your challenges and your skills meet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And I've always liked that idea. And how does competition look like as a comedian?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
I really love the way you've analyzed both. And I think anyone who's listening right now would gain so much from it because I think so many people are doing this mental exercise in their head, like the pros and cons of like, if I stay in this job, what's it going to feel like? If I quit my job, what's it going to feel like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Or if I start a podcast as the example you gave, or if I do this, what's it going to feel like? And the truth is, this is what you've got to move towards.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose. I am so excited for today's guest. I was a guest on her show probably just over a year ago. We had the best time. And if you haven't listened to it, I hope you will after this episode. Today's guest is someone that is known for being hilariously funny.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah. What's really great is that it sounds like you evaluate things as how you feel about them. And so I wonder what's your relationship like with wanting to be liked?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
extremely witty, someone who's got the ability to make you think, laugh, and all of the same at the same time. Her name is Hannah Berner, one of the most influential rising comedians of this generation. She has two hit podcasts, as if one wasn't good enough, Giggly Squad and Berner Phone, which have garnered over 100 million combined downloads.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Hannah's video series, Hannah on the Street, has earned over 350 million views, and Hannah was named one of Variety's top 10 comics to watch in 2023. She also just finished touring her solo stand-up routine to sold-out theaters across North America and Europe, and will embark on a Club Giggly national tour with co-host Paige de Sorbo.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
The duo will release their book, How to Giggle, a guide to taking life less seriously via Simon & Schuster on April 15th, 2025. So lots to look forward to. And most recently, Hannah debuted her first Netflix comedy special, We Ride at Dawn, which premiered at number two on the platform and is streaming now. Welcome to the show, Hannah Burner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
That's it, that's it. You've lived, you've lived.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
I appreciate it. It's amazing. It's so fun. Like when we met last year, I was learning. All of my team are huge fans, like huge fans. And I was learning so much about you through them. And they were just like, this is amazing. You know, and just to see the incredible journey you've been on over the last 18 months is amazing. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
, , , , ,, P. P. P. P. P. P. ac ac ac ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ac G P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P gener bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi e ,ö e e , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And I was going to start by asking you, have you always been this confident?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah, now that you've started a crazy rumor about Dua Lipa. Now you're interested.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Now I was going to ask you, what's the craziest rumor you've ever heard about yourself?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
That's so wonderful to hear though. Yeah. It's interesting, isn't it? Because I think as things grow also you realize –
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
the different values of your community as well as you get older you realize the value that they play in different you go through more you go through more and so you rely on them for more things like when you're a kid maybe they helped you move to college or maybe they you know it's things like that whereas when you grow up you're like no I just called you and cried and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
I remember for me, it was like my mom saying something. I was going through a tough time and I don't really call my mom for advice. I never have. She's always been loving and supportive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
That's my wife. My wife will call her mom like six times a day. And I literally call my mom once a month. And I remember my mom just like once, like we were on a call and I didn't tell her things were hard, but obviously she's my mom. She can sense that things were hard. This was like seven, eight years ago. And she just said like one of the most motivational things to me ever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And she never does that. So like, I'm not used to that from her. And it was about me and about something in my past. I'll tell you off camera later. And it was just one of those things that I was like, no way. Like, I didn't even know we had that relationship. Or you just gave me like a really big gift in my... I was just turning 30 maybe, like... At that time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And I couldn't believe that she said that to me then. And so I would never have realized that if I wasn't going through that point in my life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And she didn't sense it. So I didn't see the value my mom could offer me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
So heavy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah, I'm still trying to get you to like me. I was trying. I do messaging. No, I do think it's just, there's vibes, there's good vibes. Yeah, yeah, no, for sure. And I couldn't agree with you more. There isn't, I think tactics and hacks and things like that get you very, don't get you very far with humans.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Like they work on things, they work on tools, they work on strategy and projects and things like that, but they don't really work well with people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
So we've talked so much about your confidence in these spaces. How did it apply to your love life? What was that like in relationship and dating? Were you as analytical? Were you able to make sense of stuff? Or in that area, were you like...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Had you ever played tennis before?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah. I feel like so many of the people I know right now are just struggling with dating. Like I'm sure you have loads of single friends too. Yeah. You're just like, Jay, can you introduce me to someone? Or I don't know how to meet someone. I'm on all the apps. I'm doing this. I'm doing that. And it feels like it's just the wild, wild west for people. Like it's so hard. I know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
At least that's how it seems. I know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah. No, but I think you're so right that the halo effect is so strong. Like we can stay with someone off of like the tiniest thing. Like people will stay in a relationship because someone's hot, because someone makes lots of money, because someone's really good at one thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And it's so easy to do that because the halo effect is so powerful. You were saying in a very sincere way, like, do you want to listen to their voice for the rest of your life? And I was just thinking of someone going to me, I really like the sound of his voice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And it's like, you're just attracted to the sound of someone's voice, but not really the content of what they're saying or who they are and what you're talking about, someone's soul. And it's so hard for our brains to detach from that which is pleasurable to that which is actually... Oh my God, you're so right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
What were some of the surprising challenges that came up in marriage that maybe you didn't expect?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah, that's dope. I mean, that's such a great mindset. I mean, you reminded me of me ice skating when I was young. I was, I was like, I could skate then and I couldn't stop. Like I didn't know how to slow down. So I would just fall when I had to stop. And now it's like, I'm the guy holding the side going.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah, I remember reading a study that talked about how what we really get addicted to at the beginning of a relationship is stress and excitement. Yes. So the excitement of, I just texted them, the stress of, will they text me back? Yes, you get addicted. The excitement of like, I just told all my friends about this guy, the stress of... I don't know if he's talking about me to his friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And so that keeps you, it's what you're saying, the game keeps you going. And then all of a sudden when you actually end up with someone, then it's just peaceful. And then everyone goes, wait a minute, there's no excitement anymore. It's like, no, no, no. You were just addicted to stress. Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
If you build it, they will come. For men, I think it's similar. Like all the most successful men that I've spoken to have all said that their success came when they committed to one woman. And then they actually had time and energy to build everything else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
when we're around you guys have a really fun yeah yeah yeah we love to our love language for sure too it has to be we always feel like when we're around new people or new couples they're like do you have have issues with each other i'm like no no this is just this is who we are like we're constantly bantering and that's that's our way of showing love to each other and it works for us and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
I can also get really emotional. Like when Radhi's traveling or whatever, I'll literally be like, there's no light in the house. Like I'm just like, I get fully like, I'm like, no, the house feels different. Like it's not the same because I'm so used to just walking back there, seeing her, giving her a hug, whatever it is, even in the work there. And then when she's traveling, I'm like...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
No, where is she? But I love the idea of missing her. It works. Yes, yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Totally. I've seen people like break their teeth and chip them. Fingers flying. Fingers flying. I'm like, I don't need that to happen at this age. But it seems like you've channeled that into your career, right? Like that energy, it's not like it got lost somewhere.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Mic drop. Yeah, that's real. No, that's so real. That's the realest thing ever. And I wish more people would internalize that because that is exactly what it is. And I have a friend who was with his partner through the loss of her mom recently. Yeah. And it was the hardest thing for her. And he was the best partner I think she could have had during that time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah. I wanted to pivot slightly because I feel like you pointed out your tie earlier and I think this is a great outfit. Thank you. We have to talk about it. But, you know, I feel like your whole career from day one, it's been operating in a male dominant, like even, I mean, this article headline was... So this one, 15 years ago, New York Times, she plays with boys and rivals don't like it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And it's like, that's crazy, right? And it's like 15 years ago. Even now, like comedy is definitely more male dominated, has been. And I think it's a really interesting thing because I've been speaking to a lot of my friends male friends recently either married or have girlfriends, long-term relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And a lot of the women they're with feel really scared about pivoting careers, feel scared about changing their identity, about how they're perceived in their small community of friends. And these aren't people who are saying, I want to be really famous or I want to be really rich. It's just people thinking like,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
maybe I don't want to be a doctor and maybe I do want to do this or maybe I do want to be a yoga instructor or maybe I do want to do fitness or whatever it is it's people making just genuine choices and it's funny because when I talk to my guy friends about it they've all done it and it feels really easy for a guy to like somewhat change his perception and identity whereas for women it feels a bit harder if you had to say something to them what would you say to women who are feeling like it's hard
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
But before we get to that, I wanted to ask you a few more things because when I was looking into parts of your journey and what you've talked about and what you haven't,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah, you've lived so many lives, but I feel you've been amazing at pivoting and you've been like what I like to think of like an expert in quitting. Like you've been good at knowing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Good advice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
That's great advice. I love that. And you're spot on. I remember looking at the studies a few years ago, and it literally said that if a guy looks at an application and he can do four out of 10 things, he'll apply. And if a girl looks at it and she can do eight out of 10 things, she won't apply.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
So needed. That's great advice. I love that. I love that. Hannah, if your younger self was to look at you now, if you were to go meet her and she saw you having the Netflix special, doing what you're doing today, touring, what do you think she'd say?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
That jealousy point is so clear. I feel like we're living at a time where it's so scary to share your dreams with someone else because you're scared it might remind them that they're not chasing theirs. And you're scared that they may react and tell you not to chase it because they don't believe in you. And the truth is they never had the strength to even give themselves the worth to chase theirs.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And then at the same time, you're scared of hearing it because it might remind you of the doubt you already have in your own abilities and And the fears you already have and the insecurities you have that it's not possible for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And it creates a really messy situation in society, I feel, because you have less people wanting to chase their dreams, less people rooting for them, and less people admitting what their dreams are. And that feels like a really bad place to live where dreams are becoming buried deeper and deeper and deeper inside someone's soul and, you know, never get seen. Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And so if someone's feeling that and they're feeling that jealousy, which you so beautifully said could be a sign or a signal that that's what you want to do. What would you say is the first three steps someone should take if they think they have a crazy dream? They may never have done it before. They don't really get it, but they feel that deep inside of them. It's always been there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah. It's so funny. Seven years ago, I had a production company reach out to me from LA. They'd seen my first ever video that had gone viral. And they loved it. And they'd reached out and said, we want to build a TV show around you. And so I was like, I couldn't believe it because I just started creating content and had a viral video. And I thought that was cool enough as it was.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
So anyway, I like flew to LA on my own dime. I didn't have a lot of money then. Sat down, had meetings, went back and forth, worked on creative on top of my day job, came back to pitch it again on my own dime. Like I was trying to figure out how I was going to do it. We pitched it and no one wanted the show, but I built loads of great relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And so I built all these great relationships at streamers, production companies, became really good friends with some of them, but no one liked the show idea that we had. And it's so funny because I always look at that and I go, I'm so glad. that an idea that I didn't fully own, that wasn't fully mine, got rejected because then I built this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Even though at the time you probably were like, I didn't make it. Yeah, at the time it was just like, it felt like everything was going, not everything was going wrong, but that was the big moment and I fumbled it somehow. Yeah, yeah. And like, right? I felt like I fumbled. Yeah, you just felt like you just dropped the ball. Yeah, you were like, that was my moment and that's it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
How will your body tell you that? Like, what's the... Anxiety.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
That's so powerful. I love that you said that because I think we don't, connect those two things. We see it as, oh, I'm having anxious feelings. I feel nervous. Your body's protecting you. Yeah, totally. But it is signaling something. It's telling you something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah. Why do you think we project that expectation onto a dream? Like, if you think about it, when you think you're going to become a tennis player today, you're a comedian, you've lived a million lives in between. I'm sure you'll live a million more and you'll keep evolving. But a lot of us, like you said, we just stayed glued to, I could have been, I should have been, if only I would have been.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And that way we never shift our lens. What allows you to be so positive about going, let me trust that that isn't for me and I don't fit in here. If people are listening and watching and they're thinking their first dream hasn't come true or they failed at their first dream, how do you start believing in a second dream?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
I love that. You would have been that player smashing the rackets.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
I can relate to you in so many ways. Like my life's so different, but as you're speaking, I feel exactly the same way. Like I think even when we sat on your show, I was talking about how leaving, being a monk felt like a divorce at the time. Yes. And because I felt like I was getting married, it was a commitment. It was something I was really excited about.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And then now it's been 11 years since I've left the monastery and I am so happy I left. And I couldn't agree with you more that I too have lived so many lives in between that and this. I went back into the corporate world. I worked... in a massive corporation with 500,000 employees and all of what that looked like. And then I worked at a media company. I was at HuffPost for briefly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And so I've lived so many lives and I couldn't agree with you more that I've just constantly tried to move closer to who I really am and align with how I want to express myself, who I want to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
You can't know it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah. Is it true that I heard somewhere very briefly that you were hit by a car? Oh, yeah. Is that like, because I couldn't really, I was trying to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Wow. And how did you, how has it changed you? Because like you said, you're already confident. You already liked yourself. You knew who you were. What's changed?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I love that attitude. But how did you build that energy before? I don't want to take away from the fact that even though you say you were faking it, obviously it was working in that you were still doing well. It seems like you were comfortable in your own skin. What would you say to someone who maybe doesn't have Doesn't want to go on a Zen pit because they're scared or whatever it may be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
But like, what would you say with that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What's interesting to me is just so much of How, whether it's body shaming we do to ourselves or that society does to us, how so much of it is built up around aesthetics and visuals and how health and vitality are actually not based on simply visuals.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
The one, the only Claudia Autry. What do you feel is the biggest misconception about you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And now what's the new schedule?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And then, I mean, as I'm hearing you speak, I'm just like, is there a... A lot of people talk about this right now. Like this idea of when you become pregnant, is there like a loss of the life you had? Oh my God, 100%. Like, is there a feeling of like, wait a minute, just a few moments ago, a few months ago, I was...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. What was the reason for putting kids off in the beginning? What was the-
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, I think the first thing you mentioned, I relate to that, is obviously me and my wife don't have kids yet. And we'd love to one day. But I think a big thing for me also was I was very clear on who I was when we met. And things were kind of going in the right direction for me. And then my wife, I was, like, really...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
patient and I really wanted her to find her purpose before we had kids because I wanted her to know who she was and know her identity and have clarity on her worth and her value and everything before we have a child because I just felt I was like I want her to also live a life and what that looks like and you know in the past couple of years she's just like blossom and grown.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
It's been so fun to watch. And it's like, now I'm like, yeah, now, now, you know, from when we're lucky to have children.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Totally. Yeah. And, and that you're coming at it from a point of like, I know who I am without anything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you choose to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Today I'm excited because I'm actually speaking to someone who is my team's number one pick. My team will only want to show up for Michael B. Jordan, Lewis Hamilton, and Claudia Arshry. I'm not kidding.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And I think that was so important to me for her. I already had it myself. Yeah. And also the career thing, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Walk me through that internal dialogue of like, how do you get to that place of feeling ready? I think so many of us are waiting to feel ready in life, whether it's waiting to feel ready to start a podcast, whether it's waiting to write your book, whether it's waiting to have a kid, whether it's waiting to get married and you're, we're just waiting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I'm not kidding. My team are the biggest fans of today's guest. I was lucky enough and grateful enough to go on her show, The Toast, the hit show, award-winning, incredibly huge, huge, huge podcast called The Toast last year. It is genuinely the thing. Whenever I get stopped, people are like, I heard you on The Toast. I loved it. I loved it. I loved it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
But we never feel ready for most of us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Walk me through what you feel being ready means.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
It feels like you're someone that always knows you're ready, though, because you got, what, married at 23?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
How did you know Ben was the one and you were ready to get married then?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I'm you and my wife's Ben.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
So I am so excited I get to return the favor today with Claudia Oshry. Claudia, thanks for being here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
No, I think that's a really fair point. And I think even... Radhi was 25 when we got married. I was 28. And even that is somewhat... It's still, you know, it's still younger. And it's like... It's the same for us. Like, we were sure, you know, it worked out for us. But... I would say I knew myself very well. Radhi knew herself enough at the time. She's definitely grown.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I'd be happy to. It was genuine. It was honest.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I've kind of stayed the same. And so there is a sense of like, sometimes you get lucky and you're fortunate and you're blessed and it's beautiful. And sometimes it can be really hard and crazy. And I think what I'm hearing from you is just like, it's not an issue if, whether you're the rule or the exception or whichever one you think you are, the point is just be thoughtful about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Because you don't want to rush into something too young.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I love how much you love Ben.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, it's amazing. I can't wait to meet him. Oh my God, you've never met him.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
No, it's lovely to see how much you love him. It's really beautiful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I can so relate to that. I'm at that stage where I've got a lot of friends who are older than me and they all are renewing their vows right now. And they literally were like, Jay, you weren't at my wedding, but I love that you're here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Because friends change so much from when you get married.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, because you haven't worked enough. No.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
How does that work?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Well, you can renew your vows.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Really? Just a fun fact. That's a fact?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Wow. I don't know if it's a fact, but it's a fun fact. You don't plan on?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Oh, interesting. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Interesting. Got it. Okay. Understood. Understood. Yeah. I guess, yeah, I'm always trying to convince Radhi that I want to do it. And she's like, yeah, of course you want another wedding because you didn't plan the last one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I think Radhi would do it for new pictures because she wants, even though she looked absolutely gorgeous, she's still.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
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Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. How do you decide what parts of your life to share publicly and what parts to keep private?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
So it's easy for you. But you were saying earlier that there's times when you're like, Oh, this could be judged, this could be misconstrued. And so, and I think that's a really valid point. I appreciate you being so honest about it. That's why I'm raising it. Because I think at one point we were in this phase where we're like vulnerability means you share everything with everyone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And I don't subscribe to that definition of vulnerability. I think vulnerability is actually, I know why I'm sharing it with this person and I feel safe to share it there. And so I think that societies had to evolve. And then you also see performative vulnerability where people are like literally telling a vulnerable story only because they know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Totally, exactly. Which then ruins the purpose of vulnerability because then it's not vulnerable. So it's like this messy space where I'm trying to, I'm constantly reflecting on like, what's truly vulnerable? How comfortable do I feel about it? What does that mean?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And why did you not share that? What was that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Got it, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same in our culture. Indian culture has that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I'm not cool. I'm not funny. I was like, how am I going to fit in? Like, how's this going to work? And they were like, no, no, no, she's going to be wonderful. And you were, and you are, and I'm so grateful that I now get to do this back. So let's dive straight in because you just said something to me. I wasn't going to start here, but you just said something to me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. I think Indian culture and Jewish culture are very similar. Has a lot in common. And yeah, there's definitely, there are definitely certain things that you don't share and you don't open up too much about. You wait till they're real and taken care of. Exactly. Yeah, no, no. I respect that and I get that. I think it's, I think it's healthy for people to,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
you know fine I just I just want to encourage people to think about you know whether they're a public figure or not who you share what with is so important and just don't don't fall into the trap of oh everyone's being vulnerable that's what it means to you know yeah well I think that's like a byproduct of the internet is like nobody really keeps anything to themselves anymore and I think what started out as like a genuinely like good initiative to like open up about things is now like we're all sharing we all know a little too much about each other you know and that's how I feel let's pull back
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, sometimes I watch something and I'm like, we shouldn't tell us that. Like, I don't think there was a need for us to say that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also one thing's really interesting to me. I had a friend, I was at a friend's birthday last month. And he said to me, he was like, Jay, like, I know it's like you never post what we're doing personally and privately. And I said to him, I said, it's because I'm really lucky. I think my... My public life's amazing, but my private life's better than my public life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And I imagine a world in which I'm sitting in an old rocking chair, talking to my grandkids and talking to family and sharing these stories that no one knows anything about. And there's something about that feels really sacred and special to me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And I really want that because I remember years ago sitting with someone and I'm not even family or close with him, but I remember sitting on a beach with him and he was an older man. I was in my...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
late 20s he was probably in his late 60s and he just had so many life stories to share he wasn't famous he wasn't well known and he just had all these cool stories that I was like no one's gonna know these yeah but he gets to live them every day and there was something about that I was like I want to have memories that are only mine yeah like that was important to me
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What was the craziest?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And I wanted to ask you, like, what do you feel is the biggest misconception about you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
One thing I want to dive into with you, we've talked about ozempic, we've talked about pregnancy, we've talked about marriage, and of course, we can keep talking about those, but I think what often happens with someone like yourself, and I'm projecting because I feel this happens to me sometimes, but I'm projecting this idea that people don't see
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
the hard work from a business perspective, the strategy perspective, the sleepless nights, the growth, like you've built something incredible.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And it's shadowed, not in a bad way, but it's overshadowed by this amazing persona that you have.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
and your charisma and your aura and everything else right it's like it's that's what we're watching and that's what we're captivated by but there's a really thoughtful business person behind it who's and I don't mean that from a oh you're just figuring out how to build a business no I know what you mean yeah I mean it from like a you've you've figured out how to turn a tumblr page into, you know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
A business. Yeah, exactly. Which is really amazing. And I think so many people today want to do that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
So I wanted to kind of go back to the start and ask you like, what did you want to be before Girl With No Job?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Have you ever had a real job?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. What did you learn from the toy store, the internship that you applied?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Here I am trying to make this amazing point that you had all these amazing... Yeah, sorry, continue your point. Just know, like, it was not for me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, there's pros and cons either way. There is, 100%.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And I think that... stigma needs to go as well. Totally. I think that there was this whole cultural shift towards entrepreneurship, quit your job, build your passion, da, da, da, da. And it's like, I don't think either is for everyone. And I think we've kind of made, like, I think about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Correct.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
That's so interesting. I mean, I can relate in so many ways. I feel so misunderstood so often. And it's because we have a view of what a spiritual person or a teacher or a guide looks like. And I think I'm just trying to be people's friend. I'm trying to be the person who's just reminding you something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And also just like, I think about this very often. I couldn't do anything without my team. My team are all employed. Right. And it's like, I couldn't last without them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
It's amazing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I love it. It's the best feeling in the world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. It's the most fulfilling feeling. I, and I know I couldn't do anything without them, which is why I value them. Like, oh, we can all push entrepreneurship to the hill. But it's like, what would we do without our amazing team members? Like, I know I wouldn't survive. My chief of staff was like unwell for like a week. And I was just like, I was like, I don't know what to do. Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And, but was there ever a time you had to do it? Was there ever a time you did have to work 24 sevens?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Have you ever been close to going to jail?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Wait, how do you test positive for explosives?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Still, it was scary. It was scary.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Got it. Put your fake ID in your checked bag.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What advice would you have? You were saying it seems like, and I agree with you, there is more set up. I think our careers actually, we didn't know each other then, but they took off around the same time. Mine was 2016 as well. I was a lot older. I was 28. So 27, 28. So you had a pretty good idea of... To some degree, for sure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I mean, I never knew a person, I'd never known anyone who'd worked in entertainment, anyone who'd worked in media, anyone who'd done anything outside of London. So it was a whole new world for me completely. But you're right, there are more systems today than there were then. Yes. What advice would you have for people who are at the age you were when you first blew up, like 17, 18 years old?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Because that's happening more and more now. Like you were more of an anomaly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, I'm ancient.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And that's why for me as well, it's like, I want to help people. I want to make people feel better. I want to introduce people to great ideas and insights. It's not, it doesn't have to be heavy. It doesn't have to be like everything. I also love soccer and love fashion and love, you know, just, I'm a normal human being. And it's like, I love that balance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, very pragmatic advice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. Don't you think it's incredible how much you've learned in the last eight years?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Isn't it unbelievable?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. That's me. Did you ever pretend to be your own manager?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What was the name?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
100%.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
It worked? Yeah. Did they negotiate on your behalf sometimes?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
If someone wants to be the next you and start the toast and, you know, start their version.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What advice would you have for someone who's listening to you, watching you going, I want to build that. I want to create that. Where should they start? What should they think about?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, don't overthink it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What's the nuclear program?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
No, I love it. I couldn't agree with you more as well. I think there's just such a... I feel like we're all stifling ourselves by procrastinating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And I think that's how I see myself as someone who has these very nuanced interests and hobbies and everything else. But I think naturally we're kind of forced to be in a box. Yeah, you can be both.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. Did you lose any friends along the way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
yeah yeah yeah you have yeah there is definitely that switch and and yeah I'm the same as you have all my same friends from back in the day I can't wait I literally fly to London tonight to see everyone it's the best looking forward to just yeah just catching up kicking it and it's it's one of those things that I feel so fortunate that I had such a good group of friends right before everything took off you must feel that with Ben too because it was around the same time so I was like
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. How much do you think that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, I think that's what it is. You just hit the nail on the head. I think there's certain stages in life where you go, if I decide this, it now no longer takes up any space. I felt that way about getting married. I felt that way about deciding which city we were going to live in. Because when we first moved to the States, we lived in New York for two years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Then we moved to L.A., we've been there for six years. When we decided we were living in L.A., And we got our place. It was like another thing. There was a settled that freed up space. And I think we're currently living at a time where we struggle to make decisions. Yes. Because we don't want to kind of, you know, put our roots down. But actually that creates more chaos in our lives.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. I love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
At the same time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What's the hardest part about working with family? And what's the best part? There isn't one. Really?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
That's amazing. Yeah, I know. That's impressive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. No, I love that for you. I'm glad. I mean, it's the best thing when it works.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
How has your relationship had to change? Like, what's it meant to keep that up? Like, what have you had to do in order to have a sister relationship and a business partner relationship? Because all your conversations are always about the podcast, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
So wait, when you're putting out an episode, how much of it have you talked about before? Zero. Literally zero.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Everything about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
That's amazing. So that way you're really catching up in that time too. Exactly. Because you're avoiding talking the night before. Exactly. You saying what you did.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
When did she move and when did you guys?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Wow. When did you learn that you had to do that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What makes you feel like when you've recorded a great episode? How do you know?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And that is something you can only do with someone you know very, very well. And you guys call each other afterwards and like, oh my God, you are so funny.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, it's become, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
But it kind of protects why that hour is so good. Yes. Right? Like, that's the point.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, yeah. That's, it's such a special skill. It's actually such a special talent.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, no, I just like to point it out because I think we just, it is that I have so many friends who are just like, I remember when I first started creating content and all my friends are like, oh, we can do that. And then it was like this whole journey where everyone realizes that it's different.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And I think with you, because it's so natural and because it's so off the cuff, it can often be, you can kind of be like, oh yeah, well that's, whatever, but it's like, no, no, no. There's, there's a real talent. There's a skill there. How much have you practiced over the years? Or was this who you were at school with your friends? Like, is this just who you've been? Where was the training?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Where were the reps?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Have you ever measured how fast you talk?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And it's funny because me and you, I'm at the opposite end. Like I usually talk so slowly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, no, no. So it's so funny because when we're together, I'm just like, I'm speeding up slightly just to, you know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
It's amazing. Have you... You talked about wanting attention. And I think anyone who's doing something publicly, naturally, there is a part of them that enjoys the attention. I always say I love when people come up to me on the street and say hello. I tell people in the podcast to say, hey, if you see me, come and say hello. I want to say hello to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I really appreciate the feedback and the energy I get. I had a... I was walking a few years ago now, quite a while ago, with one of my clients who's a well-known actor. He gets recognized a hundred times for every one time I get recognized. So super well-known and successful. And like, he'd get stopped. I'd get stopped once. He'd get stopped multiple times. I'd get stopped once. And...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I asked him like, how does that feel? And he said, you know what? He goes, Jay, you're really lucky. And I was like, why? And he said, you're lucky because people stop me for who I pretend to be and people stop you for who you are. And I was like, wow, like that really stayed with me. Yeah, it really stayed with me. It was one of those moments. And you're not going to tell us who it was?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
No, I can't. You are no fun. But that's my private part. Of course, of course.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, but that was one of my favorite moments. It stayed with me ever since that. And I'm like, wait a minute. And same with you. People, when they're coming up to you and saying the toast is amazing, or when I keep hearing, Jay, we heard you on the toast. It was so fun. You know, when I get that feedback from people, I'm thinking, oh, wow, like you're doing that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
How have you been careful about your relationship with attention so that it doesn't get unhealthy? How have you thought about that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And that's something you're working on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
You love the 1% evil. It's fun. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's so beautiful to hear. I mean, to hear you say, hey, you know what? I'm actually really confident. I love hearing that. I love it when someone says that because- It's a journey. Yeah. No, but I mean, not that you've arrived because there is no arrival, but the idea that you feel that way-
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. Is that something you've ever tried to change or shift or you've just accepted it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, of course.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
No, no, no. Trust me. I can't either. But no, but it's interesting how sometimes the things we work on more become our greatest stresses.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And it's one of those things that it's, but the great thing is you're aware. And I think that's what I always think about.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I remember when Kevin Hart came on the podcast, he was talking about how in a very different context, but he was talking about how like some of the mistakes he made and not comparing at all, but he was talking about some of the mistakes he made and they came from a place of him feeling like this was never going to go away. And then he was like, now I need to deal with the fact that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
one day I may not be as famous or successful as whatever and it was just really interesting him saying that when I still think he's crushing it and killing it and he's like you know but how we perceive people versus how they perceive themselves is so interesting correct yeah and that's what I find is always fascinating because you think someone's peaking living the best life yeah and in their head they're like oh I'm insignificant right now yeah
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I wanted to end with talking about, you know, you talked a lot about last year losing your dog, which I think... No one prepares you for it. Yeah, I had so many friends who sadly went through the same thing in the last 12 months. I don't know what it was about the last 12 months and maybe it's sadly always the case, but at least in my life, I had so many people telling me that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
That always feels harder. Yeah. Yeah, when you feel like you had to share something because there was already so much talk about it. Speculation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I had my business manager, a really close friend, like just so many people in life. We had Taylor Hill who came on the podcast and talked about the loss of her dog, Tate, and just how hard that was for her What has been your greatest lesson for grief in that journey?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
That's so profound, though, the connection between the two.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What did girl with a dead dad like mean to you? Like, what did that kind of like, what did that symbolize for you that you didn't want to be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, for sure. Thank you for sharing. Thank you. Thank you for being open. I'm hoping that Yeah, I'm hoping that people who've been through similar things or, you know, I know plenty of people in my life who lost a parent early. And it's something that's not talked about enough online. Like you don't really hear about it. It's kind of like something you talk about in therapy and nowhere else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
That's, I mean, and that sounds like such a hard place to be. We actually interviewed, I interviewed Johan Hari, a good friend of mine who wrote the book, The Magic Pill. He's on Ozempic and he's gone and done all the research from the biggest experts in the space and the naysayers in the space.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, no, and I think that everyone has their different coping mechanisms, like you said. And for some people, that is the only place they have a safe space and a space where they don't feel judged and a space where they don't feel, you know, looked at in a certain way because their family, friends may be that way. And it's beautiful that you don't have that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I was going to ask you, what's been your, have you thought a lot about like, Your energy, baby's energy, like walk me through that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, of course. I know Jessie, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
It's going to be so funny if they don't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And so for anyone who's looking for a very researched guide to Ozempic, he was brilliant and he talked about it from so many different perspectives. But going back to what you said, one of the first things that, I think so hard for people is how society has made people feel shameful about their body in general.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, well, they'll love it until they're like four.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, year one. One fan for one year is good enough. I love that. I love that. And have you thought about whether you're going to be sharing baby journey online?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, I know. That's something me and Riley talk about a lot. I would love to. It's one of our discussion points.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, it's challenging. It's such a, yeah, that's the hard part, right? That's the hard part that it's like in the same way as you wouldn't just put your kid up somewhere physically in that way that they're exposed to anyone and everyone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. Yeah. It's great that you guys have said, because it's hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Okay. Good to know. Good to know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Is this usually how it goes?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, I think that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, that's fair. If you feel strongly enough, it's a rule.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I mean, you've talked before about, I saw that, I actually couldn't believe this existed, but you've talked about going to fat camp.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Claudia you are you're one of the most fascinating people oh my god I've ever met you are hilarious you're smart profound today at times I really didn't want to cry but it is what it is no I appreciate you being so honest and vulnerable with us and showing that soft side yeah you know like for people to be able to see you can't be turning a box like she is going to surprise you I love it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Well, Claudia, it's been such a joy talking to you. Thank you for having me. We end every episode with a final five.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
These have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Oh, I love a game. Not a Claudia sentence. Okay. Oh, I promise I will do one word. Yes, yeah. One word to one sentence.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
But not a sentence at 100 miles per hour where you squeezed in 79 words.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Okay. Yeah, I'm not judging you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Okay. So question number one, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Like I'd never heard of that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
We never, I've never heard of that living in. It's so American. Growing up in London.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Great sentence.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
No, no, no. It's well explained. I would have asked you to expand. Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. Good answer. Question number three, what excites you most about motherhood?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Like, first of all, explain to me how you can get away with calling something fat camp and what is fat camp?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I love it. Question number four. What are you most excited to see about Ben becoming a dad?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Fifth and final question. We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And then on purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Of course, of course.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Oh, thanks. All right, Claudia.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I love it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
That's a great law.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I love it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Claudia, thank you so much. Thank you. I loved every moment of this. Me too. Thank you. If you love this episode, you will also love my interview with Kendall Jenner on setting boundaries to increase happiness and healing your inner child.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Wow. I mean, so what was that like then in the beginning years? Because I think what's interesting as we talk about Ozempic, to me, so much of it is about how we're conditioned since we're young. So I grew up overweight.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. I was overweight until I was about like 15, 16 years old, maybe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And yeah, I'll show you pictures. I would love to see. I will, I will. My wife has plenty of embarrassing pictures of me. And she was as well. Oh, really? Yeah, she was as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Do you know what I mean? That's what I'm sharing. It creates such a resilience.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, it's huge. I mean, like I remember the bullying, the name calling, the awkward thing of trying to pull myself out of a swimming pool and not being able to. So real. You know, moments like that where you're just like, oh gosh, this is the worst thing that could have ever happened. And then being forced to wear Speedos at school. So British. Yeah, not in America, right? No, never.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
That's our version of fat camp. You have to wear Speedos.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And so when I look back at all of that, I think about how much shame, guilt is already set up just in our perception of what it means to be overweight. And now you're talking about feeling shame of going on a Zen pic, which you're taking to do the opposite.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my on-purpose podcast live and in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Did you ever worry about the side effects and what you... Because I'm guessing you're thinking about those things as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
We'll dive into experiences designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And then what was it that decided to get you off it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Welcome back to On Purpose. Today we're talking about something that impacts every decision we make, our confidence and self-worth. We all struggle with it at some point, questioning if we're good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. Maybe it started in childhood, or maybe over time, life's challenges have made us second guess ourselves. But here's the truth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Confidence is something we all struggle with at some point. But where does confidence come from? How do we build it in a way that feels genuine and lasting? Claudia Oshry, comedian, podcast host, and social media personality, gets candid about her journey with self-image and how love played a role in shaping her confidence. I really want you to hear her story.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Like, what would you say to someone who maybe doesn't have doesn't want to go on a Zen pit because they're scared or whatever it may be. But like, what would you say with them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
What's interesting to me is just so much of... how whether it's body shaming we do to ourselves or that society does to us, how so much of it is built up around aesthetics and visuals and how health and vitality are actually not based on simply visuals.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Yeah. And now what's the new schedule?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Confidence isn't something you're just born with. It's something you build. And self-worth isn't just about your accomplishments or success. It's about how you see yourself at your core. In this episode, I've gathered insights from some of the best minds to help you quiet self-doubt, recognize your true value and step into the confidence that's already in you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
And then, I mean, as I'm hearing you speak, I'm just like, is there a... A lot of people talk about this right now. Like, this idea of when you become pregnant, is there, like, a loss of the life you had? Oh, my God, 100%. Like, is there a feeling of, like, wait a minute, just a few moments ago, a few months ago, I was...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
We often think about self-care as something external, our skincare routine, our diet or exercise, but what about caring for our soul? How do we create rituals that nurture not just our body, but our peace of mind and self-worth?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
To share her journey, Alicia Keys, Grammy-winning artist, entrepreneur, and advocate for soul care, Alicia opens up about her struggles with anxiety, how stress affected her skin, and how she turned her personal healing process into a philosophy that helps others. Listen to this. I think often those of us who live spiritual lives, we can be quite negligent of our casing and of this body.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
And you can kind of disconnect from it. Yeah, disconnect from it. And so I wanted to ask you, how has your relationship changed with your skin that was something that brought you anxiety?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
To feeling more confident in your skin.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Because when you truly believe in yourself, everything changes. So often when we're searching for confidence and self-worth, it's easy to feel pressured, to try every new trend or practice, as if there's a perfect formula for feeling secure in ourselves. But real confidence isn't about following the crowd. It's about tuning out the noise and figuring out what truly works for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Kendall Jenner knows that pressure all too well. Having spent most of her life in the public eye, she's had to learn how to protect her peace, set boundaries and find joy in the simple things. In this conversation, she opens up about her journey to staying grounded and true to herself. Let's get into it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Yeah, that's so beautiful. I mean, I couldn't agree more as someone who was very negligent of a lot of this stuff, like growing up and not really thinking about it. I've seen the value of, I'm a big fan of affirmations.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
I think even when it comes to cleansing my face, what that means, what that feels like, how different I feel internally because of it, how it can be a reminder to continue to cleanse and detox the soul, as well as that which is around me. There's There's so much of that connection from body, mind, spirit, and soul that I think we lose and we don't realize how interconnected they all are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Confidence is something we all strive for, but often misunderstand. We think we need it before taking action. But what if the key is to act first, even when we don't feel ready? What if confidence is something we build as we go not something we wait for. To help us break through the myths of confidence, we have Lisa Bilyeu, entrepreneur, best-selling author, and co-founder of Impact Theory.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Lisa's journey from stay-at-home wife to powerhouse businesswoman has given her a unique perspective on what it really takes to build confidence from within. Let's hear what she has to say. So I think confidence is such a important and powerful topic.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
I wanted to ask you, because I think there's so much material and you do so many interviews around confidence and what it means and what it feels like. How do you define confidence for you, and what does it mean to you, and what is something that people can think of? Because I think everyone has a different view of the word confidence.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
I love hearing that because I think it is those simple things like, you know, giving yourself that space, whatever it is that you needed to do when you needed it. And like you said, sometimes it's like, that's when all the subscribe buttons come up in front of you and it's like, try this and try this. And it's like, well, no, no, no. Let me just take my time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Yeah, what I'm noticing in you and observing, or at least from just these- Oh God. No, in a good way, in a good way. I was just saying, it's like, it feels like no matter what's happening in your orbit, there's this pillar of belief that it's important to be happy. Yeah. Like, you know, that's like this core center belief in your life where it's like, it's important to be happy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Confidence isn't about walking into a room and thinking you're the best. It's about not feeling the need to compare yourself to anyone. True self-worth comes from knowing who you are, not just what you accomplish. It's built in the quiet moments, how you show up for yourself and the way you speak to yourself when no one's around.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
I hope this episode helped you realize that confidence isn't about having all the answers. It's about trusting yourself to figure it out. If something resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And I'll see you next time on On Purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
It's important to be happy. It's, that has to be the goal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
What are some of the qualities of your higher goddess or that kind of avatar?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
I do this exercise. I don't think I've shared this before, but I do this exercise with some of my clients where we'll go on a walk and we'll be on a hike wherever we are. And I'll ask them what they think a piece of, you know, maybe there's a little leaf or maybe there's some
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
a flower or something that looks a little unique on the path and I'll say what do you think that feels like and what do you think it would feel like if you picked it up in your hand and they'll be like oh it looks really rough and like it might scratch me and like it looks like a bit you know like uneven or whatever and it looks kind of hard and strong and then I'll ask them to pick it up
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
And nine times out of 10, it's completely different.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Or they'll turn it over and the color's really soft. Sorry, the shape's really soft and the color's totally different on the other side. And I do that exercise to help us realize just how multifaceted humans are. Today I've got to meet you and obviously we're spending a lot of deep, intimate, vulnerable time together so you learn faster about someone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
But if someone only follows someone on social media or only sees someone at an event or only sees one interview, it's so easy to create such a singular view of someone. And I think, and I want to say this because I really think we all feel it, I don't think anyone wants to be seen in a singular way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
If you had to choose one word that had to be you for the rest of your life, I don't think anyone wants that. No, of course not. I think we all know that we're messy and complex and different. Of course. But we like to put someone else in a box, whoever that may be, because it's easier then to live life and say, okay, well, that's person's A, B, C.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
So there's this beautiful piece of wisdom that I always share from Charles Horton Cooley. And he wrote this in 1890, I think it was, which just shows how true this has been for such a long time and obviously long before that as well. And he said, the challenge today is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
And we'll let that blow everyone's mind. It gives me chills every time I say it. Charles Houghton Cooley said, the challenge today is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am. And what he's trying to say is that we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves. So if I think you think I'm smart, then I allow myself to feel smart.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
We need that validation. Or if I think you think I'm not smart, then I feel hurt. And the challenge is, I don't know what you're thinking at all, especially outside in the world. And so I find that what you're saying around like, well, what do I think about myself? Like, how do I feel about myself? How do the people that actually know me feel about me? I think that's really empowering.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
There are times in life when we feel disconnected from ourselves, as if we've lost our sense of who we are. It can happen after a big life change, the grind of a demanding job, or even just getting stuck in the routine of everyday life. For Vanessa Hudgens, that moment came after filming a series of emotionally intense movies.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
She found herself questioning her identity and searching for a way to reconnect. Instead of staying in that uncertainty, she took a leap, one that felt scary, but ultimately led her back to herself. Let's dive into how stepping outside her comfort zone helped her rediscover her confidence and self-worth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Yeah, exactly. That's a mindset that you lose as we get older. That's very true. Because most of your life is surrounded by the same people, same work people, same life people. And so like when you're like, oh, I'm trying to talk to the bartender or I'm trying to lock, even the idea of locking eyes with someone random. Oh my gosh, it's my favorite thing. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
That one for sure. I've heard that plenty of times.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
around behavior some parents they have like no boundaries and i think some boundaries are appropriate what does loving discipline look like because i think it's it sounds good like we're all like yeah i would love to be disciplined but i'd love to be loving and often we don't even figure out what that means in the workplace let alone with kids we're either loving or disciplined
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
It's so important that we know how to set boundaries in a way that builds confidence, not fear. It's important that we create a safe, supportive environment where kids can learn from mistakes. Dr. Aliza Pressman will be talking about how discipline is about teaching, not punishing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
And I like the rules and rhythms and routines. I remember in my home, after dinner, me and my sister would clean up and we had a little rotor of who washed up that day and who cleaned the table that day. And it was just something that went around every day. We'd take it in turns. And my sister was four years younger than me and we'd just do it together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
And it became this thing that we just did and it became natural. It became a habit and it made us accountable and responsible to each other as well, as well as our parents. And it was a really neat way of kind of giving us that rules. And, you know, I think sometimes we think of rules as like strict rules and guidelines, but actually it can be just a rhythm and a routine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
And it's building competence and skill.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
You're about to hear from Kim Kardashian, and this is really about parenting in the public eye. Now, you may not have a life in the public eye, but you may wonder what other parents think about you. You may feel judged about what family members think about how you parent.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
And we all feel like we live in this bubble of people's constant opinions, expectations, and obligations of what a good parent should look like. In this segment, you'll hear about how Kim balances career, fame, and raising grounded kids. She talks a lot about overcoming mom guilt and being present with their kids, even with a busy schedule and a busy work life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
I think this is something a lot of you may be able to relate to and connect with. She also talks about the importance of open communication in navigating tough conversations. And she talks about how she creates a sense of normalcy despite being in the public eye and having such a big brand.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
What's the biggest lesson you learned from your mom that you're trying to pass on to the kids?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
Yeah, I think you've managed to hold onto it in your entire generation. And so they see that. I think kids mirror so much of what they see around them. And I remember when I met my wife, her grandma is her favorite human on the planet. And it's really interesting how when someone you love, you know who their favorite human is, you automatically start loving them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
And I wasn't really close to my grandparents, but I'm closer to Riley's grandma than I am to my own grandparents because you see your love for the person that you love. And so I think when your kids see the love that you have for your sisters and your cousins and your aunts and uncles.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
Yeah. And you guys went through that phase, I'm sure. We went through it too, yeah. Oh my God. It's still going on. Yeah, it's still going on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
That's never going to stop. This next segment is from Jessica Alba, where she talks about motherhood and personal growth. A big part of what she shares is how motherhood reshaped her career and priorities. Maybe you've just started a new job. Maybe you started a new side hustle. Maybe you just had your first child and everything's changing. Or maybe your kids just left the home.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
All of these transitions impact the way we work, live, and think. It affects our relationship with our spouse, our partner, whoever that may be, and it impacts our relationship with our work. In this segment, Jessica Alba talks about how she teaches her kids resilience, self-worth, and using success for good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
She also talks about how she's trying and been able to find balance between her personal ambitions and family life. I think this is such an important thing that we're all trying to juggle and it will really resonate with you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
I hope you took away a lot of practical emotional advice and insight from this episode. And here are some of my takeaways. Parenting isn't about being perfect. It's about being present and growing together. I think when we have that pressure of perfection, we actually sometimes act out in negative ways, even towards children. that pressure of perfection becomes why we're angry.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
Really, we're angry at ourselves, but we're taking it out on that child. That stress that we carry of wanting to be perfect parents and be perfect all the time makes us act in ways that we don't love afterwards and we might regret. Whether it's setting boundaries, building strong connections, or balancing life, today's insights show we're not alone in this journey.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
Every single person who's a parent is struggling with what we've talked about today. It doesn't matter how many resources you have. It doesn't matter what access you have. Everyone is going through an up and down. And I think we can also relate to that through having been kids in our lives. Thank you very much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
Yeah, and I feel that's the hardest time to be the cat because you're scared about them getting involved in the worst stuff, like whether it's drugs or, you know, addiction to social media or getting involved in the wrong circles. Like, that's the age at which it's going to happen.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
Yeah, it's terrifying. And they're getting a driver's license. They can drink now, you know, as they get older. It's almost like those are the times where you want to be more hands-on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
Studies show that a child's emotional intelligence and resilience is strongly shaped by their parents' approach to discipline and communication. But with so much parenting advice out there, it can be hard to know what really works. We're judged in many roles in our lives, but it seems we're judged the most in our roles as parents. There's no handbook to parenting yet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
The next clip is from Dr. Daniel Amen, who talks about the importance of presence and emotional connection. He talks about this special time technique, which is the importance of 20 minutes a day of uninterrupted physical time with children plus active listening.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
He talks about the need to set firm, loving boundaries with consistent follow-through and small intentional actions that make a big difference in connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
And what does that take?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
We're expected to never make any mistakes. Parenting is fulfilling but challenging. Every stage comes with new lessons. Today's guests bring different perspectives, psychologists, experienced parents, and public figures balancing family with busy careers. Let's start with one of the biggest parenting struggles, discipline. Discipline is about teaching, not punishing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I love kind of diving into your mind right now because I love that process. There's a lot of, It's also how you transition. But going back to that video you just showed me, when everyone sees this in the new Nat Geo show, that is like, I mean, I had to look away multiple times.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
So if anyone doesn't know what's going on, it's like this guy's like expanding his eye out, but then he's like nearly gouging it with like what, like a steel rod or something? How do you even make sure that's disinfected?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
In India.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And how are they doing that? Like, what did you learn from that experience of watching them? Like, if you had to look away.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
The first time I ever saw you, you were suspended in this box in the middle of London. You were in it for 44 days.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
But that's like a mind-body disconnect, no? Isn't your mind at peace and your body's going into cardiac arrest?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And these are not tricks. That's your point. These are not... Like you're saying, it's been passed down for generations. These are not sleight of hand.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And we don't know. You don't have an answer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
The human endurance part is what's so fascinating about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah. When did it turn for you from being magic tricks? I used to, I grew up watching you chuck cards at a car door and it's on the window of the inside of the, you know, the car or you talking about like, oh, you could guess who was calling your house, you know, when we all had landlines to then actually pushing your body to limits. Like where was that switch?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah, it's just the human endurance part is what's so fascinating about it because I feel like there's the great scene in the nude show where you're like literally figuring out how to put a knife.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Walk us through that because you see the scan as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Well, this series did that. What's the illusion that's kept you up the most nights?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
You didn't want to start with anything a little easier?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah, yeah. How did you know how far back to not let it go? Like you were that close on that scan.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
God, I mean, when I see you do this stuff, the question I always ask myself when I'm watching you is like, is there anything that you're actually scared of?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Do Not Attempt, exactly. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Is there anything that you're actually scared of?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. Over history, are there lots of magicians, illusionists, people that have died trying to do crazy things?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
That's crazy. Yeah. What was different about the guy that was actually doing it? What was he doing differently?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Would you ever try the bullet catch?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Oh, yeah. Sorry, I have seen that. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I am so excited for today because I'm getting to sit down with someone that I have loved and followed for the past two decades. This is someone that I grew up watching when I was back in London. I'd be wanting to watch every show, everything he did. I was addicted and I still am today. And this is one of those moments that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
So you're saying no one should, apart from you putting yourself at risk, ideally nothing else should get hurt during the trick.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
You are so right. We really do downplay the intelligence, especially of animals.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
But even humans. Yes. Yeah, we don't recognize it. And the body.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Do you think it's interesting how the world we've focused on becoming more comfortable? What do you think that's doing to us?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah. And it's so interesting because you're so right. Like we just, we all naturally though, and that's what you were saying when you were talking about the guy earlier who nearly gouged his eye out. Something that you said, which is so subtle, but so powerful, you were like, but when he's doing it, his body's not repelling it. And that's why somehow it works out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And I was thinking about it that everything you do defies what we want to do because we're looking for comfort. Yeah. But it's like, how do you prep yourself to actually want discomfort? Like, how do we prepare our minds and brains to actually seek out discomfort? Because just as you said, it's actually better for us, even for survival, even for growth of the species. But we don't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
We kind of go backwards into... reclining, Netflix and chill. That's the vibes. How do you get out of that? What have you done to continuously? Well, this series did that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I look back and I'm like, my 10-year-old self, my 15-year-old self would be high-fiving me so bad right now. So I'm so pumped. I'm sitting down with the world's most iconic illusionist, endurance artist and mentalist. From death-defying stunts to pushing the limits of human potential, he spent his career redefining what's possible.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And his latest series, Do Not Attempt, premieres March 23rd on National Geographic. Please welcome to the show, David Blaine. David, I get to sit down with a lot of cool people, but when I heard you were coming on and we made this happen, honestly, I felt like a kid the whole time. You got captivated by a subway trick when you were like four years old.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
That's what kind of introduced you into this world. What was that trick?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
How does someone like him build that skill without dying in the process?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And he still does it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And there's no way of training a mamba. No.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah. I mean, just listening to that. It's crazy. And to hear you say it's the hardest thing you've ever done.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Did you have to prepare that before you went in?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I think all of us would even get in there. There's an interesting thing about animals in that way, isn't there? My monk teacher who spent time in, when he traveled, would live in the forest and things like that back in the day. And he would always talk about how animals see whether you respect them or whether you fear them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And he would talk about that every time he saw an animal, it was like he'd have to bow down to the animal in his heart and mind. And if he was to do that, then the animal would know that that wasn't a threat or there wasn't any fear. And then that would be what created a sense of peace, that if he could bow down and show respect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Because humans, yeah, we think we have to dominate and like show them and then they'll run away.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
It's going to go for you. Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Wow. Think about them preserving energy. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I mean, even listening to you though, there's such a respect for your craft and art. Like the number of times in this conversation, you've always already said, like, I trusted the teacher. I trusted Neville, trusted Deepak. Like there's such a respect for mentors and trust for teachers and guides. And there's such a respect for the art and craft.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
It's not just, you know, as today, we kind of make everything today just feel like entertainment. And even when people have talents, you know, It's kind of just like, oh, yeah, everyone's got talents now. But it's like, actually, for you, it's a respect and study of the craft.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
It's beautiful to think about what you do that way. Because I think a lot of people can kind of project it as like, oh, well, David's figured it out. But it's actually like, no, you're willing to submit yourself and study and become a beginner again. Right. Like that beginner's mindset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah. You're constantly going from becoming the expert, going back to the beginner, become an expert. That cycle doesn't stop.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah. It's really cool. I love that. What's the illusion that's kept you up the most nights before you've done it, that you've had sleepless nights over as you prepare or get ready for it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
How many times had you been in the pen before you did that one? Was that in that time, that night?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I think that's very legitimate. Kissing a King Cobra.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
What was it like losing your mother? So sorry for your loss.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
and I was like yeah and that was our final words yes
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
That's so powerful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
That's really special.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Do you look for her in, I don't need to look, but she's everywhere.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I've had a couple of experiences recently. I was, officiating a wedding, not last Christmas, the Christmas before, December before. And the couple that I'd introduced had met through meditations that I'd led for them. And so I was leading a meditation for their wedding ceremony because they had asked for it. And so me and the Period.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
But the rest of the audience, I think some of them probably joined in. Some people don't want to join in, so they didn't join in. And it was amazing because we were in Tulum in Mexico and this, I had my eyes closed, so I didn't see it. But this huge blue butterfly flew from between the couple and then flew throughout the whole audience. And for those who had their eyes open, saw it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And for most of us who had our eyes closed, we didn't see it. And then we found out later on that the lady who's getting married, she has a blue butterfly on her neck because it represents her father who is passed on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And we didn't see it because we had our eyes closed in meditation. That's amazing. And it was just one butterfly. No one really saw it. And it's just, I love things like that when people have such a strong... semblance to signs.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Well, that's what I love about the way you think about it, because I think there's a lot of illusionists in the world who almost see illusion as a way of saying there is no mysticism in the world. there's a lot of illusionists who will say, oh yeah, because I can explain everything, it kind of proves that there is no otherworldly, supernatural or mystical, whatever language you want to use for it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
That's beautiful. Yeah. That's really beautiful, man.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
What's one of the most amazing things you've experienced by being open?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
We were talking about it earlier. You start realizing that the sky is not just blue. There's so many different variations that not every leaf you see is green. There's so many variations. But if you look on an average day, it's like, Oh, the sky's blue. The trees are green. Like we have this, we kind of have this almost veneer or this lens we put on everything, which makes it all the same.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And you look at that in society too, where like you go down most city centers, every shop is the same. We see the same coffee shop everywhere. You see the same, like, you know, we homogenize everything in the world and there's a sense of comfort. There's a sense of comfort when you see, I remember my friend was giving us a tour of Oxford.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
He was studying at Oxford University and he was going around and he was saying, this is where Lord of the Rings was written. And this is where Alice in Wonderland was written. He was giving me this. And me and him were like loving this. And we were with someone. And then we walked into the town center and they were like, oh my God, there's an Urban Outfitters here. It's like the clothes store.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah, well, I'm having a moment now because just before we went on, you showed me
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And we were all like, what is wrong with you? But it's like, for them, that was a sense of comfort. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, and I was like, but wait a minute, this is where Alice in Wonderland was written.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And it's so fascinating. It's like, yeah, who have you met or what have you done that has just shifted your perspective the most in the last few decades? Like, is this a person you met, a place you went to that just shifted? I mean, there's so many.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
a video of your daughter performing and i was thinking you were doing the same thing like when i saw you were watching that video you probably watched a million times by the way your daughter is so talented yes it's phenomenally talented i can't wait to see her perform live but you were looking at that video like it was the first time you'd seen it and you were so proud as a proud dad to show it to me i'm thinking you're like mirroring your mom's energy yeah that's true it's really special it's it's amazing to see that yeah
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Any favorites? Any ones that you recommend?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah, thank you for that. How does that speak to you now? Like, how does his dilemma speak to you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a beautiful statement that it reminds me of from F. Scott Fitzgerald, who said that the sign of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in the mind at the same time. So one should be able to look around and see that everything is hopeless, but still be determined to make a change. And still be hopeful. Yeah, exactly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
But that's literally what you do in a physical, tangible, mental way. Because everything about you knows that putting a blade close to your body cuts it. That being close to a black mamba like kills you. Like that, that is what you're, you're literally living that. Because I'm intrigued to know this because you're one of the most unrelatable people on the planet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
What does it feel like to you now when you're watching Dessa perform and build her craft?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Because you've done things that even if you explain them and even if we watch you do them, 99.9% of people, even more than that, that's even a low percentage, have no idea what it even feels like. How does that feel?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
You'd avoided fire for a while. You'd avoided wanting to do that. You finally succeed with the bridge dive. I mean, how did that feel? Why were you avoiding it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I mean, but you had a set amount of time that you had to like... It was quick. Yeah, it was quick. Yeah. It was quick. Yeah. Did it live up to your feeling of wanting to do something with fire? Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Oh, you would. You'd do it again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I was saying to you when you walked in today that the first time I ever saw you was in 2003. You were doing your act above the below and you were suspended 30 feet up or something, maybe higher in this box in the middle of London. And you were in it for 44 days. You survived on like four and a half liters of water a day. And I think you lost like 60 pounds.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I love that answer. Yeah, that's brilliant. That idea that every single person gets to kind of pass on the baton, right? Like the idea of like, I open up the door and now it's open. And I always ask people, I'm like, find your monk. And what I mean by that is if I didn't meet this monk, the entire trajectory of my life wouldn't have shifted and changed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
It was like meeting this one person completely pivoted my whole life journey. And
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And I used to come wave at you, but you don't remember me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And it seems like that's why you'll never be done because that's what drives you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
David, you've been so generous with your time. I've loved every moment of this. You are truly one of the most fascinating people I've ever spoken to. And we end on purpose with a final five, a fast five. These have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
So these are your, David Blaine, these are your final five. Question number one, what is the best life advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Good advice. Question number two, what's the worst advice you've ever had or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah, I think a lot of people have had that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah. If you wanted your life to leave behind three messages, what would they be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I think today, yeah, we don't allow ourselves because we're kind of used to it. We don't even realize, even though we all make phones look bad, but this is actually phenomenal that it exists.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah, allow yourself to be amazed is a great line. I love that. Question number four, when your mother left you with the words, God is love, What does that mean to you today?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
That's the ultimate.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
If you could, we asked this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
It can be as tangible or intangible as you like.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Simple.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah. No ego is definitely a good law.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
When do you feel you have the least ego? When do you feel you experience no ego?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
David Blaine, thank you so much for your time, your energy. Everyone who's been listening and watching, make sure you go and watch the new show, David Blaine, Do Not Attempt. It's on Nat Geo. I can't wait for you to see it. It's phenomenal. You got to hear some of the stories here out March 23rd on National Geographic.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
David takes viewers on an incredible journey where he immerses himself in unique cultures and meeting extraordinary performers who inspire and share their rare skills and secrets. And of course, you can also see David as Las Vegas residency at the Encore Theater and at the Wynn. I can't wait to go. I'm coming to see you live. I'm really looking forward to it. And congratulations, my friend.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Really wonderful getting to know you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
If you love this podcast, you'll love my episode with Lewis Hamilton. Lewis and I talk about why you should stop chasing society's definition of success and how to be more intentional with your goals. You don't want to miss it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
But you could taste it because of that pear taste in 28 days.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
That's amazing. I mean, but hearing about it from the person who actually lived through it is pretty remarkable and amazing. I wonder though, like one thing I love about you, David, is that these are not just tricks or experiments. These are things that you research, you read. There's a story that inspires it. There's a experiment that happened years ago that inspires something you do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
These are not just, you know, manufactured things. They're really deep parts of things you're fascinated by. How did you start to come across stories, ideas, images that inspired these tricks? Where did that come from?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
You were saying earlier that when you're in the box for... 44 days, it ruined your metabolism. How much did you study and know that that was going to happen? Or how much was that a real shock and surprise to the system?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
When is it worth it? And when is it not worth it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah. I love how mathematical it is for you as well, though. Like,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
She did like every- Walk us through that confidence, that energy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
You said something really important. The reason I'm bringing it up is because I feel a lot of women, but a lot of people feel this way. And you said when you first were meeting and recording together, there was a sense of you were protecting yourself. And I think that's a very human thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And I think it's a very normal thing, especially in this day and age, especially in your position to add to it. What was it that, you know, at one point you said, I'm going to adopt at 35 if I don't find someone. Like you had your whole life mapped out when you met Benny. But then, and you said you were protecting yourself, but then you started to open up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Could you walk us through what gave you confidence to open up, but what that feels like when you're trying to protect yourself? Because I think that's the push and pull that everyone's going through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yeah. Penny, how do you feel that you almost sabotaged your relationship by nearly introducing Selena to your friends? How does that feel? Like when you're like, hey, wait a minute, come and meet my friends. There might be some nice guys for you to meet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yeah. Was it scary? Because you talk about being best friends so much. Was it scary thinking, what are we going to lose if this gets romantic? as friends. No, no, it happened right away. This was all one day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
When you first were meeting and recording together there was a sense of you were protecting yourself. What gave you confidence to open up?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
One thing that you both did was you had a long distance relationship for a while, like you were in different states and managing that. You both have crazy work schedules. And I was thinking in your positions, it can get very easy to be like, oh, that person's never available. They canceled again. Like, well, they've got a million things. They're running away.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I mean, you were just about to say you both are starting to travel together right now for work as well. But how did you manage that? Because I think a lot of our viewers are like, Do long distance relationships work and do too busy people relationships work? How would you both say you've managed both of those parts?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
You talk about being best friends so much. Was it scary thinking, what are we going to lose if this gets romantic?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Okay. Wait. So the album, I said I love you first. Yes. So Selena, you said I love you first.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
What made you want to say that? Because that's a big step.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
So this is the first time in your life you were the first?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Did you say it back the first time?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
You know I love you both.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
It's such a fun coming together. When you guys called me and said you wanted to do this, I was just like, how special is it that we first met now seven years ago? And then because of you, I got to meet this amazing man. And I feel like we've kicked off a bromance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yeah. And because of you, I just feel like we've been spending so much time together. And so I'm so grateful to you both for trusting me and over the years and the fact that you've been on and now we get both of you. Thank you. It's so special.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Benny and Selena. Hi. Welcome back to On Purpose for the first time together. I am so grateful to you both. It's been a joy getting to know you both over the last few years. And I am so happy for you both.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
This is just so beautiful and special. And because of you, Selina, I got to know Benny so much more. And Benny and I have been hanging out. We've been meditating. We've been
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Eating within.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
But it's thanks to you. It's thanks to you for bringing us together. And I was just saying, as a man, it's so hard to make male friendships as you get older. Really? Is that so?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
,,,,,,,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Exactly. It's not fun, but it sounds like you've found a system that works for you. And the system is so simple, is literally just listening to the other person. If the other person says, hey, I need this, it's not now like a debate around whether they don't trust you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Because I think a lot of us, if someone said that to you, Benny, it would be easy for your reaction to be like, well, how can you not trust me? You always know where I am. Why do I have to do this every day? You could have that reaction, but... that reaction doesn't make the relationship better. And I think that's where often that goes, where someone vulnerably says, hey, all I need is this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I mean, hearing you both talk about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
No, no, no. It's not perfect. We're so silly. No, no, no. But I think the maturity of, and I agree with you. I think, I think that's actually the difference. And I'm glad you brought that up. I think there's a big difference between maturity and perfection. Yeah. Perfection is saying we never have a disagreement. We never have to take space from each other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Which you're not saying, you're saying, hey, I just asked for 25 minutes space. And then I was like, wait a minute, I need you. And I think there's a maturity in that because it requires maturity from both parts. For you to first say, hey, I need space. For you to say, I get it, I respect you. And then for you to have the maturity to say, actually, I want you back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And for you to be like, not like, oh, I told you so. For you to be like, I'm here for you. Like that's not perfection. To me, that's maturity. And I think that's, I really want people to get that from it, that you are going to have disagreements. You are going to want space. Like me and Raleigh went through that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
She, at the beginning of our relationship, if we had a disagreement and we were the same, we never, we made a rule that we would never raise our voices at each other because I came from a home where it was not great. She comes from a home where her parents don't raise their voices. But I was just like, I never wanted that in my home. I wanted the energy of my home to be so sacred.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And I wanted the energy of the home to always have a space where everyone just walked in and felt like a warm hug. And I was like, we can't argue and then expect that to happen. But it took a long time for us to realize that when she, at the start of our disagreements, she wanted space. And I used to say to her, well, if you don't want to talk about it right now, that means you don't care about me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And that wasn't true. She just needed space to process. So it took time for us to mature for me to realize, wait a minute, you wanting space is you caring for the relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
So it was the validation of how you felt in those reactive moments that allowed you to not be reactive. What was it that allowed you? Because I feel like, as Benny was saying earlier, you carry this baggage from all of our relationships into this one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
There definitely is. There definitely is. But I was saying that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
watching both your love story and I know you were saying Selena two seconds ago you're like this is such a safe and cozy space to come to I'm hoping that today we get to know your love story on a deeper level and we get to access really what's in your hearts and minds because I think there's so many interviews and so many things that kind of will touch on the surface level of stuff but I hope we can go deeper so what I want to start with is I want to actually rewind and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yeah. Yeah. For me, I always, I always said to my wife, do you want me to listen? Yeah. Do you want me to fix this? Or do you just want me to go through it with you? Make it clear for me because- They don't want you to fix it right away.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And I want to rewind to a place where we don't retell the story, but we get to relive your story with you. And I think there's a difference because when we tell a story, it's like, this is what happened. But when we relive it, it's almost like going back to who we were when that happened. So I want to go back to the first time you ever met. And I want to hear about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I have to ask you both about this because I was so excited when the news came out and it just, you know, it was, it was so beautiful to see it go from where it started to this, but your proposal and now you're engaged and like that just, I can tell, I mean, it just, it feels just beautiful being in the same space with you both loving on each other, which is great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Selena, what was the proposal like? Like,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
What's this? I want to know about this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And you never met in Texas ever?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Of course I remember my proposal. It was, it was very, uh, I would say I was definitely impacted by lots of social media trends for sure. I, in my chapter, my first chapter of my second book, which is all about love, I talk about how I would redo my proposal because not that I didn't like it was perfect for the time, but it so wasn't What was it, what was it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
So I'll tell it, it's embarrassing, but I'll tell it, I'll tell it. So we were walking down one of our favorite walking paths on the Bank of the Thames in London.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And we're walking down, I told Radhi that we were going to a dinner with my family and it was in a nice place. So she's dressed up and everything. And we come out and then this random guy out of nowhere walks out with a bouquet of flowers, a massive one, he hands it to her. And then I had an acapella group sing Bruno Mars. Wow. And it was really sweet. They were great. They were very talented.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And then I got down on one knee and then I asked her to marry me. And thankfully, I was crying the whole time. Thankfully, she said yes. But I tell that story to say it could have been anyone's proposal. And I had food brought in from her favorite restaurant. But by the time I got there, it was cold. And I didn't do what you did, Benny, so I messed up. No, no, no.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
We've had her on the show. Yeah, she's a powerhouse.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And then when we walked around the corner, there was a white horse-drawn carriage that took us around the city.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
But then when we got... So then we were going back to her parents on the train to tell her parents what had happened. And I told them I was proposing that night. But we were going to hers and we got to her house and her parents opened the door. And they looked at her and they were like, what did he do to you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Because she had hives all over her face because I didn't know she was allergic to horses and she didn't know either. And so that was the night we figured out that she was allergic to horses. And so that story reminded me that I did know her, but I didn't. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yeah, I was trying. I was trying really hard. No, it's so true. But we've been together for 12 years and married for nine. So we're doing all right. But I look back on it and I look at how much of my life was just impacted by... the world of love. And now knowing my wife as deeply as I do, I would do it completely differently.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
So I'm trying to convince her to renew our vows and our 10 years of marriage. And also because our friends have changed. Like we got married nearly 10 years ago now. We moved country. Look at how much your life. Yeah, so much has changed. And so I'm like the people I want to celebrate my- Did you even have the podcast then? No, no, no, nothing. No, no, no.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Podcast is six years old. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
She was my first episode. Yeah. My wife's my first episode. Yeah. So sweet. But yeah, I would do it again. And I think it's a great reminder of just how much we evolve and mature in relationships and how it's okay to look back and go, Hey, like, you know, it's a great story. Yeah. It's a fun story. It's a fun story. But, um, But yeah, no, I'm so happy to hear about how beautiful this proposal was.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
You nailed it, Benny. You're the man. I mean, it's beautiful to hear. And I mean, last time we were together, Benny, you were talking about wedding planning. How's that going?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
What does that look like for both of you? Just you two spending time together?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
It'll be fun. I love it. You both obviously got back into the studio together, recorded an amazing album. I got to listen to bits of it. It was an interesting process, but I'll tell you about that offline. But I got to listen to it. And what I loved was I was surprised. I thought it was going to be about your relationship, but it sounded that it was about a history of your life, Selena.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
It felt like a history of love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
What was it like going from working together that first time to this time? Like what was different?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Well, you were saying to me when we spoke on the phone, I think it was last week, you were saying that there was just, it was like a safe space to be so open.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Did it bring you closer when making the album? Like what was it like being together, but then making an album together and being together?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
It's a great excuse to spend time together. I'm always trying to find ways to work more with my wife. I know. I'm just trying to come up with new excuses. I know. That's all I want to do. Yeah. Yeah. That's how I would do it too. And you had some amazing collabs as well on the album. I mean, obviously you've launched a song with Gracie and Gracie's amazing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
No, no, I haven't. Yeah, yeah. You've been a fan for a while?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And Selena, you don't remember this at all?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
So far, Benny and Selena know each other very well. This is going really well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I like the commitment from both of you. Extremely competitive. So Benny, as you're writing, how did you used to get to New York to see Selena? Would you drive? What do you mean? I'm about to do it every single week. You drive? Yeah. From here to New York? Yeah. I'd take the boat to Europe. Okay. So explain that journey to us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
That is amazing. That is real commitment. All right, three, two, one, go for it. Go on, read it, Selena.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Oh, no, no. I wanted what the other person does to you. That's what you did, Selena, right? That's what Benny does. Yes. Yeah, yeah, Benny. No, because you rap as well. You're a good rapper.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Oh, go on. What did you do right there?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
that's true um okay wait what does she what does selena do that can make you laugh whenever she wants she like selena's proven to be the better listener right now so okay wait so no no we'll skip it we'll skip it we've got a good answer what do you do that makes me laugh in any mood like whenever you're in any mood like what can they do like yeah like radhi would burst out into song and dance like randomly no relevance to anything
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
That's true.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yeah. Radhi hates it because whenever she gets angry, I'm like, you're so cute. So what are you talking about? I'm not cute. She's like, I'm not cute. I love that. What's the one thing they can't live without apart from you? So about your partner. So Benny, you're writing about Selena. Selena's writing about you. What's one thing apart from you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Explain the space here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Temperatures are hard to, everyone's got a different vibe. Trust me. Our office next door, the team's always arguing over what temperature the room's at. Some people want it really cold. Some people want it really hot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I love it okay what's something the other person is really competitive about what are you competitive about
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I love it. I love it. All right. So, okay. Last two questions. Okay. Okay. Actually, I'm going to go for the last one because you both are big on this. I've heard from Benny. What's the other person's most memorable gift they got you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I love the commitment, Selena. I'm so impressed. It's amazing. You're the best. That's like, all right. Three, two, one. Who's going to talk about it? Oh, that was a good one. Okay, explain, go ahead.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
That's a great gift. That was wonderful. Selena and Benny, you are amazing. Truly two of the most special people. I'm so glad you found each other. Thank you. And I am always rooting for you guys. I'm forever in your corner in every possible way. I love you both deeply and know that I'm always rooting for your love. Thank you so much. Yeah, genuinely so grateful for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Are you writing more? What are you writing? Come on, I expected a hug or like a hug or some sort of emoji. I'm going to buy it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you. I love it. You can take them home. Well, we love you. Thank you for having us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I hope that allowed you to share everything you wanted to say. That felt so good. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I love it. Easy. We did it. Thanks, guys. You guys are so fun. How was that? If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I love this back and forth. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yes, we were talking about- You started to do this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. I want to go back to the first time you ever met.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Selena, so you technically asked Benny out on the first official day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become a happier, healthier, and more healed. Today's guest is Jillian Turecki, a relationship coach, teacher, podcast host, and speaker with over 20 years of experience helping people transform themselves and their love lives.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
As the founder of the Jillian Turecki Coaching, she offers transformative workshops, retreats, and coaching that blends psychology, yoga, and somatic practices. Her teachings, influenced by diverse spiritual traditions, connect ancient wisdom with modern relationship dynamics. Jillian's first book, It Begins With You, has nine truths everyone should know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. One of the biggest problems in relationships is that if someone's into us, we see it as their weakness. And if someone's not into us, we see it as their strength.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And it goes back to where you start this book is that it all begins with you. Yes. Because all of that is made up in our minds because we're saying, oh, well, if you're into me, then that means you must be weak because you're into me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
If you're not into me, then that means you must be really special and important because you're not into me. And so again, it comes back to us. And so when you say it begins with you, How do we learn to acknowledge our strengths and accept our weaknesses? How do we learn to build our self-esteem at the same time as have self-awareness of our shortcomings? What does that look like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
The nine hard truths about love that will change your life. And it's going to be out on January 14th. Make sure you go and grab a copy if you're trying to figure out your love life right now. Please welcome to On Purpose, Jillian Tarecki. Jillian, it's great to have you here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
What's your take on the mindset that a lot of people can naturally, again, I empathize with it too, can get stuck into, which is like, there's no good men left. Yeah. Or this idea that all the good men are either taken or, yeah. Or they don't exist anymore. Or they don't exist anymore. They're emotionally unavailable. What happens when you've got into that place?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And let's say it's been a valid experience you've had. Like the last...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
three guys you were talking to ghosted you yeah right maybe there was someone who you actually started dating you were seeing them and then you asked them an important question to you or shared something vulnerably and now that person cut you out so what do we do with the mindset because it could be valid or it could be something you came up with but either way what do we do with that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Of course, of course. I'm so fascinated by love and relationships. And my last book was all about love and relationships. So whenever I get to sit down with a fellow coach and a fellow author to learn more and understand more, I'm a huge fan of the videos you post on social media. And I think you're doing such a great job of speaking about really, really interesting things when it comes to love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Yes. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Well, I think until we do that, we also keep repeating who we're attracted to as well. Yes, so you have to change your type. Yeah, so often we're attracting and attracted to the same person and therefore we keep having the same result and keep having the same experience of all men just want one thing, all men are X, Y, Z, or whatever, women or men or any partner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
We start creating a mindset that's very embroiled in one particular type, but that's because we do keep going after the same type.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
But I wanted to start off with asking you, because this is, I always try to get a sense of what our audience is worried about and concerned about and challenged with. And one of the big things that keeps coming up is, what are the three biggest mistakes I'm making in dating right now? Like, what am I getting wrong about dating? That seems to be the top question.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
It's so interesting because we talk about the spark in chemistry so much and it feels like we've got to talk about it for so many more years now to undo all the work that all the movies and that we grew up on did. Because I was thinking about this recently and I talked about it in my book, which was this idea of today the word going around is someone's aura or their charisma and this idea.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And I'm like, I promise you, if you see someone's aura and you're attracted to it, so is everyone else in the room. And so you're not special and you don't have a special inclination towards that person. And chances are that that aura doesn't make them a good partner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And so you might be attracted when you walk in and you hear someone speak and you're like, wow, they're so intelligent. They're amazing speaker. that's not their character. You walk in and you see someone and they're dressed really well and they've got all this swag and this charisma, that doesn't mean they're a good partner and have good character.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
You see someone who has an amazing job and makes all this money and drives a really great car, that's not their character. It doesn't make them a good partner. And so it's almost like everything we're attracted to about someone isn't what makes them a good partner and makes them good at a relationship. You keep saying the word character and I agree with you. Conundrum. What is that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Because we're not even seeing that. It seems like we look at how people think and we're attracted to that. We look at how people look and we're attracted to that. We look at what people do and achieve and we're attracted to that. And none of that makes someone a good partner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
They're completely different things, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I feel one of the challenges from what I'm hearing from you is that A lot of us in our 30s are still chasing our 16-year-old crush.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Yes. And so we're wanting a relationship that we wanted back then. And because it was never satisfied in our teens or in our 20s, we still spend our 30s and 40s looking for it. So when we were in our teens, all we wanted was pleasure, fun, and chemistry.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
But now if I actually look at what I want in my 30s or my 40s, it's peace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And it's a connection and it's a sense of comfort as opposed to the unease of do we like each other today? Do we not like each other? So you asked me earlier or alluded to it. So I'm very attracted to my wife, but that isn't what's kept us together. Right. That would be a very weak reason to stay with someone because... you can be attracted to many people again and again and again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
The reason why you stay with someone is because there's peace. There's no drama. We both forgive quickly. We both move on. There's friendship. There's friendship. We deal with problems in a way that I enjoy. Like what keeps you together isn't that. So yes, I'm still attracted to my wife, but we've been together for 11 years and married for eight, but that isn't what's kept us together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
What I find attractive is has not necessarily changed. I still find the same things attractive as I did when we first got together. But what I need for a long-term, long-lasting relationship is so much more than chemistry and attraction. I have a friend that I was talking to the other day and she said she was out on a date She got back from the date and she usually does this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
She messaged me straight away. And her message just said, Jay, he was perfect. He said all the right things. We have the same values. Great family guy, character. I can't believe I don't want to go on a second date with him. Did you force her to? I hope you did. Yes, I did. Yeah, 100%. And I was like, wait a minute, what are you talking about? Like, how does that make any sense?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And it was just like, because I was like, yes, because of course your 16 year old self.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Wanted this shiny.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Yes. Correct. And it wasn't there. And so it's so interesting to me about how we all have to mature and grow up. Yes. To be like, what is my 30, 40, 50 year old self, whatever age you are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Mid twenties, whatever. What do I actually want right now? What do I need right now? and let me not still be stuck in a 16 year old mind because we are more than we think we are and I've also seen this for people who explored later on in life even friends who because of their cultural tradition came out later on in their life
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
they found that their first few relationships even though they were 30 31 years old when they came out they were still dating like a 16 or 18 year old because it was their first relationship so it wasn't a material aids thing it was a mental and relationship aids thing so if you're someone who hasn't dated for a long time yeah your age of relationship is actually much younger
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
than your actual age.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Absolutely. One of your hard truths that I loved is truth number five, you must speak up and tell the truth. And I was going to ask you, what's the difference between telling the truth and being worried about being too honest too early on? Because it's almost like we want to share our truth and we want to be honest, but we don't want to scare them away. We don't want to
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I love that. And I think the challenge I've seen with that is our ego going back to something you mentioned right at the beginning that we want the other person to make us feel important. We want them to know that we don't need them, but we really do. Like it becomes about, and I don't want to just say games because I think everyone thinks they don't play games.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
So I don't want to use that language, but- But we all do. But we all do, yeah. But there's just this feeling of like, I love what you just said. You said the most important thing is to protect the relationship, which is beyond both of you. But most of us can't look beyond ourselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And we want the other person to look beyond themselves, but when they don't do it, we're like, well, then why will I do it? And then it becomes this, you know, back and forth. So if someone has withheld information or broken trust in that way, not been honest because of the fears you mentioned earlier, which I think were very well and clearly laid out, how do you repair that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
What does that look like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
We also expect the other person now to change their habit the next day. So we're waiting for the one therapy session after which our partner will be transformed. We're waiting for... The one coaching session after which our partner will be the person that they promised to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And it almost feels like we're, we just are looking for this moment where they're going to get it and the penny's going to drop and they're going to be like this new profound individual. And that's just not reality. Like people are going to change if they want to over a number of years. Yes. And the key part of that is if they want to and a number of years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And we're so focused on, no, they have to change. They have to change. They have to change.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Yeah. We really convince ourselves. We do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Yeah. We really convince ourselves it's a one way thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And that if they were to change the entirety of who they were. And then people say, oh, well, you keep giving them the benefit of the doubt if you don't do that. And I think that's the balance that we're trying to strike is how do you give someone the benefit of the doubt that it's not personal? And at the same time, hold yourself and them accountable for change.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Yes, yes. You agree with that? Well said. Yeah, no, absolutely. I couldn't agree with you more. I think that one of the reasons we struggle to accept people the way they are is because we've never taken an interest in how they became the way they are. We don't actually have context of why they became this way. That question of what happened to you? How did you end up here?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And when you start uncovering all of that, you start realizing it's so not about you and it's all about them. And by the way, the same is true for you. And how did you become this way? And how did you expect... All of this to be this way. And so I feel like you've talked about this a few times today, this idea of curiosity, learning about your partner, understanding how they got there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And all of a sudden, when you understand that, you go, oh my gosh, I get it now. And now I understand how long it will take to unwire or rewire that as well. Yes. If they want to and if they notice it. Yes. As opposed to this idea of, well, I snap my fingers and you should get it. You should know how I feel immediately. Yes. I agree with you completely. I don't think there's...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
at least in my relationship, I learned that The smarter way to be early on was respecting my partner's values and having her respect mine and not trying to change our values because we couldn't. Like, I don't think I could change deeply my core values.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I can't. And if someone was trying to change them, I'd find that very uncomfortable. Of course. And if I was trying to change theirs, I'd find that very uncomfortable. Yeah. And so I'm with you on the idea of you've got to accept them the way they are. And if you don't, then that's okay too. It's okay to move on and leave.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I think we've got so disconnected going back to it begins with you. It's just... We've got so disconnected from knowing ourselves and knowing what's right for us and what's good for us. I feel like the amount of people that are just constantly seeking advice from anyone and everyone in their life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And not listening to themselves. Yeah. And you have one text thread over here with like nine girlfriends. And then you have, you post it on Instagram and say, I'm dealing with this on my stories just to your private friends. And then you reach out to your family and your parents. And so you're talking to like 27 non-experts about something in your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And no wonder you're confused because everyone has their own opinion. Someone's saying, give them another chance. Someone's saying, oh, leave them. And you've just got these, you've also got actions to take without understanding. Yes. And I wanted to ask you, if there is no the one, how do you know who to focus on? How do you know who to kind of make it work with?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Please.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Does the one that got away actually exist?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I agree. Yeah. It's almost like that nostalgia effect where you look back on everything and it was always so much better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
But if you actually went back there, you'd be like, this was the worst thing. Like, just go and find an old journal of when you were a kid or a diary or whatever it is and look back at it and be like, oh, life wasn't as great as I pretend to think it was. And nostalgia just makes everything seem so much more romantic and beautifully colored.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
It really is. And it's what you said. It's a protective mechanism of... oh, things used to be better and that's a safe space and I feel good. But actually, it's not really protecting you because it's, like you said, it's manipulating you into unhealthy belief. You have a beautiful quote in the book where you say, stay in your head and your relationship is dead.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
For a month.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And I think that's partly it, that we stay in our head in relationships in a lot of ways. Some of them can be negative thoughts. Some of them can be doubts. Some of them can be questions. Some of them can be, you know, ruminating on the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
How do we, how do we get out of our heads and get out of those repetitive thoughts?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
As you were speaking, I was thinking about what's at the root of that for so many people. And one of the things that came to me was,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
As we're talking about it, one thing that came to my mind was just how we're really focused on starting things as humans and we're good at reacting to when things end and we're really complacent and ignorant in the middle. Yeah. Yeah. Right. We've talked a lot today about dating and then we're talking about when things go wrong and maintenance is not something we find interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Yeah. It's just not something as humans that we like maintaining a home, like building a home, designing a home. That's cool. Yeah. When you, if you leave something and you're finding something new, that's, that's interesting. It's something to pay attention to. Sure. But maintenance is something that we, we ignore so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
this fear of rejection yes so even the idea of i'm talking to this person for a month is because i don't have to potentially face meeting someone and them never wanting to meet me again or the resistance that we have to make work and dating feel the same i know so many people who will cancel on dates last minute because they're scared of well what if i go and it doesn't work out
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And I was thinking if you could recommend a reflection someone could do with their partner right now, whether they're stuck or maybe it's like, what if something feels almost right, but not fully right, as in there's nothing wrong. What do you do in that situation? Because I think a lot of people find themselves there where it's like they're in that maintenance phase.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
You're not getting married. You're not, you know, you're not having the big moment and you're not, you're not kind of ending it. Like there's nothing wrong.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Switching from going back to the beginning of the relationship, looking at the end of a relationship. If someone's broken up with you, what's the best self-reflection exercise that you'd recommend to someone if someone's just broken up with them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And rejection, by the way, is two types of rejection. One type of rejection is that person doesn't want me. And the other type of rejection is that person doesn't meet my expectations or that person, I don't want to be with them. So I'm not just saying rejection in that we're scared of, well, what if that person doesn't like me? We're also scared of the, am I going to reject another person?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Killian, thank you so much for your insights today. It's been really wonderful having this back and forth with you of just kind of thinking about all the different iterations, moments, phases of a relationship. And we end every episode of On Purpose with a final five. Yes. Or a fast five. Every question has to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
So Jillian Turecki, these are your fast five. The first question is, what is the best love advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I like that. Second question is, what is the worst relationship advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Someone said that to you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Let's take a detour to focus on that a little bit. How did that feel?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And like you said, with the high expectations. What do we do about both of those types of our fear of rejection? Because let's take the more obvious one to start with. We all want to be loved. We want to be liked. We all want the next person to be the person. Yeah. Chances are that's not going to happen. We know that. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Question number three, one of your hard truths is number eight, no one is coming to save you. What do you do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Great answer. And question number four, truth number nine, you say you must make peace with your parents. Why is that so important?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
No, no, it's a great answer. No, no, absolutely. Yeah. And fifth and final question, if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Jillian Turecki, thank you so much. Thank you. The book is called It Begins With You, The Nine Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life. You can grab your copy right now. You heard about some of the hard truths in this conversation, but I hope that you'll dive into the book to learn and understand so much more. It's out on January 14th. I'm sure this will be out soon.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
While you're watching this, the book will be out already or very, very soon. Jillian, thank you so much for coming on On Purpose. Thank you for sharing so wonderfully. And I'm excited for people to connect with your content online and continue to follow along to see how much more they can learn about love. And thank you for reminding us all that it begins with you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Thank you. So grateful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
If you love this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your ex and find true love in your relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
But still, we struggle with the fact that I'm going to meet someone and they're going to say, well, you're not right for me or... You know, I don't really want to see you again. Like, how do you get over that? Because we talk about it in entrepreneurship. We talk about it in life. But when you do it with love, it seems so personal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
You're looking for one person to fall in love with you and for you to fall in love with. Yes. And for that, you're going to have to meet a lot of people to find that one person. But all you need is one person to say yes, one person to say I do, one person to say I love you. Yeah. just by the nature of odds, you should know that that probably won't be the next person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
So switching to that, you said one thing about kind of going in at the lowest baseline expectation, which I agree with, because then you're allowing it to become a friendship. You're allowing it to become a nothingship. You're allowing it to become what it is, as opposed to us walking in and going, this next person is going to be my wife, my husband, whatever it may be, my partner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I think it's so natural for so many of us to want to speed up love. Yeah. Like speeding up love seems to be our addiction and obsession with, I just want to meet the one. Now that we're dating, I just want to get married. Now, you know, it's, we're trying to accelerate love almost. So how do we slow it down and how do we take it back to baseline?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
World-renowned relationship coach, podcast host, and speaker, Jillian Turecki.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I've often said to friends, there's the pain of being single and there's the pain of being in the wrong relationship. Yes. And the pain of being single is a lot better than the pain of being in the wrong relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And you've got enmeshed into each other's lives. There's the toxicity, there's complexity, there's, as you said earlier, there's a disconnect in your values, the person's character. You think you just discovered it, but actually they showed it all along and you didn't see the signs. Yeah. And now you're thinking, gosh, I was happier when I was single.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And you can't see that when you're single because the promise of being in a relationship is so alluring and intoxicating that we feel like I must have that now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Why is it that... We end up being attracted to people that are not into us. And then people are into us. We're not into them. Why does that happen?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
No. What are the three biggest mistakes I'm making in dating right now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And so it's like, hey, when there's a fire, you're going to walk through this door, you're going to line up outside, you're going to do this. And it's almost like we need that for when the fires appear in our mind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And you've got to do the routine before it happens in reality. Right, right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
What's actually happening to the brain when we ignore anxiety and stress for long periods of time?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. How much do we actually know about the brain and its potential?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. What are our daily activities that are damaging the hippocampus and the prefrontal cortex?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. I've really found also that if we can just find a gap between when you wake up and when you pick up your phone, it just rewires the brain. And I think we have to think about it physically where it goes, okay, well, if I don't put my brain in this space, in the morning, just as I would never wake up to like volume 100 on any song or whatever it may be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
If I just allow my brain some time to like speed up naturally and catch up with the pace of the day, then actually I'll be better at doing everything else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
rather than when I rush my brain from zero to 100 miles per hour with 50 emails and 30 notifications. I'm expecting so much of my brain and no wonder I'm stressed out immediately because my brain's trying to compute and formulate. It's like if your partner turned to you in the morning and said, I want to have a really deep discussion about life first thing in the morning.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
It's like, you'd be like, oh, I don't think I can handle that right now. And it's shocking to me how many of us are putting ourselves in stress by looking at our phones first thing in the morning.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah, definitely. I love hearing that. How long have you done that for?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah, absolutely. And I think the point is you'll get so much more out of your day and your brain. Yes. I think often we think, well, if I skip that, I used to be like this with my wife. She was the one who kept drilling into me how important physical activity was.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And... I was just like, no, I'm fine. And she was like, imagine how alert you'll be. Imagine how focused you'll be. And I didn't believe her. And then when I started to do it, I was like, oh, she's right. And it's such an interesting thing. It's so easy to think I'll accomplish more if I don't make time for meditation, breath work and working out. But you won't, you'll actually accomplish less.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
You'll accomplish. Is that what you found? Does the science show that too?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. Why does it feel like when we're trying to do that, it almost feels like it hurts, right? Like when someone's really trying to focus, it's like you're trying to put all your energy and people can feel like, oh God, it's so tiring or it's exhausting to be present. And it almost feels like you're having to pull yourself in a certain direction, but there's some tension and resistance back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
What are we experiencing? What's going on?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Okay, so it's okay if it hurts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Right. It's almost like you're walking through a path that doesn't exist yet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And so you're having to pave that way. Exactly. So you're the first person walking it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
There's nothing ahead of you. You're chopping down the trees and leaves in front of you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
You're building the bridge, the pathway.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And that's why it hurts. And it's so interesting when you think about it that way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Because you go, oh, okay, so every time I walk over that bridge. Yeah. it will become stronger. And every time I step on that step, that path becomes clearer. And now it's going to be easier for me every time. It's fascinating to me just how everything that's good for you seems hard and everything that's bad for you seems easy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I talked a lot about, going back to your point around monks' brains, I talked a lot about the science behind monks' brains in my first book, Think Like a Monk. And I remember a simple practice that we used to do when I lived as a monk that was really helpful to me. So we would often meditate on beads, like prayer beads.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And we were always told, because we'd be meditating on those beads sometimes for two hours at a time, four hours at a time, even more.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And so we were always told when you hear the word two hours, you're just like, God, how am I going to get through two hours? And we were always told just focus on one bead at a time, one mantra at a time, just one at a time. And all of a sudden it became so much easier where it was just like, it's just about this bead. It's just about this mantra. It's just about this step.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
It's not about two hours. And I think sometimes when we're thinking, oh gosh, I've got to build this new habit. I've got to work out five days a week and I've got to, it's like, that just feels so insurmountable. Why does the brain work better with small steps and habits and changes?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Definitely. What's the difference between everyday anxiety and then having an anxiety disorder?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
I think when people hear that, they may think, oh, that's cool, but I don't believe it. Like, how could I believe that anxiety could be my superpower? How do I do that? How do I make that switch from going, I'm scared to actually I'm prepared?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Wendy, thank you so much for being here. I'm so grateful to have you on On Purpose. I was really looking forward to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And even just the few words we've exchanged now, I'm like, all right, click record ASAP. We need to capture all of it. Thank you so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And one thing that's really helped me is I always look at my anxiety as revealing to me a skill I haven't yet developed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And I really believe that it's like, it's a muscle that you need to develop. So I go, okay, if I'm anxious about going to this event and having to do small talk, it's because I haven't built the skill to be able to do small talk.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
So maybe if I read a book or I spoke to someone or I sat down with an expert or I listened to a podcast with an expert on how to have good conversations, all of a sudden now I know what questions to ask and at least it makes me feel comfortable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Or if, hey, I'm nervous about the fact that I've been asked to do something at work and I know nothing about it. Yeah. hey, let me go and take a course on it or a class on it. And I feel I always look at anxiety as just a sign of what's a skill I don't have, a quality I haven't developed, an ability or a priority I haven't made. And now let me do that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Well, let's dive right in. Yeah. The first thing I wanted to ask you was, how much do we actually know about the brain and its potential?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
It could be the skill of having tough conversations, the skill of learning to say no, the skill of setting boundaries, whatever it may be. It's just this one skill away to not, not that I won't feel that anxiety ever again, but that I can actually better manage that anxiety when it arises.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah, no, it's the only thing that's ever helped me for so many years subconsciously. I've just, I've always experienced anxiety, but I've found that it just got less and less and less as my skills developed. And developing those skills was hard and that took time and effort and it wasn't easy. But as those skills grew, now it was just like, oh, I can manage this. I know I can deal with this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And of course, there are always going to be things that surprise you. And then you go, oh God, I have no skills. For this one. And that's okay too. But even if the skill is resilience, or even if the skill is learning to develop how to deal with grief, I feel these are all skills and muscles. And if they're looked at that way, we can deal with them better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Wow. That's so beautiful. Could you share more on that from your perspective of how you actually got to that realization and how was it before you felt that way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Thank you so much for sharing that. And I'm so sorry for that period in your life. I can't imagine how challenging and stressful that is, talking about stress and anxiety. And I really appreciate how you connected the dots for us because it's one thing, you know, you're this incredible researcher, professor, you have so much amazing insight, but then to apply it in real life in extreme situations
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
cases is so hard. What did you learn about the brain when going through that, that you didn't know already?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Wonderful. And what did you know about the brain already at the time that helped you get through it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Absolutely. How do traumatic events like that, what you went through over a period of three months, and I know so many friends who've been through similar things and different things that maybe are not to do with grief in that way, but even grief of a life you could have had, people who've had breakups. How does emotional trauma actually affect the brain? What's going on?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
There's something about that, right? That there's so much we've learned, but there's so much yet to uncover.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
But I feel when we talk about the brain and what's relevant to us, I think about what does a healthy and unhealthy brain feel like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And how do we know whether we have a healthy or unhealthy brain?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah, yeah. Is it possible... to prepare for future trauma, or is the only way to be prepared for it to go through it? Can we build resilience before a traumatic event?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. I think when you lose someone you love, that painful feeling inside is a reminder that life is sacred. Yes. That... You should tell the people that are close to you that you love them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
That you should really value and prioritize time together and moments together. It's a reminder that pain's just pushing you in the right direction, nudging you in the right direction to say, don't make the wrong priorities. Don't set the wrong focuses in your life. Right. And if it went away, as it does, we also forget that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
As the distance grows from when you've lost someone... And the distance from that pain, it's not that the pain goes away, but it gets less and less and less. We also forget that. And then all of a sudden something else happens again and we reprioritize, right? Yeah, absolutely. Why do we forget lessons that we learn?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. I love that. Joy conditioning is such a great hack and habit. There was, when I went on tour last year, we went to nearly 40 cities across the world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And at the end of them, I'd lead a meditation and I didn't, I didn't have a name for it, but that's exactly the meditation I do. I ask everyone to go back to a moment where they experience the most love and joy in their life. And to relive it in the feelings. And I was thinking about earlier this year, you reminded me as you were talking about your breathwork retreat.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
What about someone who says, and I'm sure you hear this all the time, Wendy, oh, you know, stress doesn't really affect me. You know, I can just keep going. I don't really notice it. What would you say to someone who says that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Earlier this year, I visited Bhutan. And I'd never been before. And for anyone who doesn't know, Bhutan is this tiny, beautiful country landlocked between India and China, right in between. And it's got a beautiful culture. They're famously known for measuring energy GNH not GDP and GNH is gross national happiness. And so it's the culture of Bhutan is very, very much mindful and being present.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And I was asked to lead a session there. And I remember we'd gone inside one of these old Bhutanese Yeah. It was, we're in this beautiful courtyard surrounded by candles. Yeah. It got really, really dark where even though I was giving a presentation, no one could see me. They could only hear me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And before it got dark, when it was just, the sun was about to set, I asked everyone to take a mental picture. And I always loved that technique, the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique. Yeah. And so I asked everyone to look at five things they could see, four things they could touch, three things they could hear, two things they could smell, and one thing they could taste.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And I was like, this is how we take a mental picture. And now literally if I close my eyes, I can go back there right now to that moment because I took in the colors, like you were just saying, took in the shade of the sky, took in the shapes of the Bhutanese architecture, like all of these, and as you were describing the fruit, and the colors and the breath.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And I just feel like if we all, I love what you're saying because I do think we have so much joy in our lives, but we relive the negativity more. And if you had a tough journey coming here or I did, we would talk about how tough it was. the whole day. But if we had the most beautiful journey coming here, we wouldn't talk about it once and we just ignore it and feel like, well, that's normal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
But what's become normal is us repeating our challenges. When does talking about our problems and our anxiety actually help our brain versus hurt our brain?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. And also what you're saying is this over amplification as well of something that actually was quite insignificant. Yeah. Or if it was significant, you're talking about looking at our challenges or talking about them in a way that takes accountability and future accountability. And that's what I love, this idea of,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
well, let me talk about what went wrong today and maybe I shouldn't take that route to work anymore. Or, you know, maybe let me talk about what went wrong in this conversation with someone I love and maybe I've got to set better boundaries. It's always about a solution-oriented growth focus, as you said. But so many of our conversations today, especially about anxiety and stress, are victim-based.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And how do we make that switch? Because when you feel like the victim, it feels so real to you. It does, yeah. And you do feel so hurt that if someone said, well, what could you do differently? You'd be like, nothing. I did everything the best I could.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
So how do we open up that switch from anxiety to growth?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Definitely. What does healing actually look like in the brain from trauma? Like from a chemical perspective, like what's actually happening when we're healing?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. So becoming aware, why are we in denial about our stress?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
You make it sound so simple in terms of what we need to do. When you talk about breathing and moving, it's as simple as that. What if we're doing breathing and moving and we're still not feeling positive benefits? What could be at play there?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And how do you define love from a neuroscience perspective?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah, for sure. No, I think you're so right. I think people are used to saying surviving, just surviving, just getting through this day. I'm just moving forward. And I think that's why we're doing this episode because we want people to be able to turn around and say, oh no, I'm doing well. I'm energized. But there's almost like we carry this guilt if we are about to say that, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
I'd never heard about that from a neuroscientist. That's so interesting. Yeah. That's so interesting, that romantic love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
But the way it looks afterwards is more paternal and protective in that sense.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And I feel like today it's become harder and harder and harder, even just in how people gather. Like, I feel like I was just watching, what did I just see? Gladiator 2. And I remember watching Gladiator 1. And I was just, while I was watching it, I was just thinking about the fact that the Roman Colosseum was so big and that people would gather every week.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
I mean, they'd gather for the worst reason whatsoever. But the idea that so many people would gather every week, or I think at one point it was every day. And I'm like, first of all, what is everyone doing in their spare time? But- Right. So many people would gather. So many people would be together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Of course, if we look at whether it's community centers, churches, temples, the places of gathering, today we have less and less places of gathering.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Even though there's millions of people going to listen to this episode.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
They're not in the same place listening to it. And I know that if we did have a million people here right now. Yeah. even if we had a portion of the people that listened to the episode here, they could then talk about it and discuss it and exchange it. And they could look at each other's eyes and be like, oh, you feel that too? Oh my gosh, I went through that grief and how amazing would that be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
There's a feeling of like, or there's a feeling of, shame that I'm not working hard enough, right? So going back the other way with the badge of honor, there's a feeling of if I said, oh no, I'm actually doing okay, that's me saying I'm not working hard enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And we're losing that. And so the ability to create love and connection is, is becoming harder and harder and harder because our places of similar value are now digital, right? If this is a place, I know everyone who listens to us has similar values, cares about similar things, but they're not meeting each other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And, you know, we're trying to do that by, when I go on tour, that's really one of my biggest goals is I'm hoping when everyone walks out, they're all going to just talk to each other and ask each other questions. Yes. Should we be forcing ourselves to have places to gather of similar value? Like, should we make that a priority?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah, I love that example. I read a study that said 80% of us pull out our phone in a crowd just to avoid conversation and contact. And so I love what you're saying about building it on a college campus. And I think the same applies inside a corporation. If people are coming to work, even if they're coming to work three days a week, As a dean yourself, how do you do that when you've got targets?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
I'm sure there's results you have to get to. You've got things, deadlines you have to meet. You've got a ton of stuff on your plate, as does a CEO of a major corporation or an organization. How do you prioritize a love for learning and belonging and connection?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Not just as nice things that you say, but actually to do. How do you do that? Because I see it as very genuine from you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
I love that. And they have to do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. I'm really happy that you're saying this because I do think as leaders in different institutions and organizations, There's such a... There's a responsibility, but there's also just a vision for what an amazingly happy, fluffy brain community looks like. Yes. And when I think about it coming from college, it's hard because... People are coming from so many different motivations.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Right? Someone's coming there for the best job in the world. Someone's coming there for an amazing social experience. Someone's coming there to compete with everyone else. Right? You've got all these drivers. And to kind of take everyone's drivers and point it in one direction is one of the hardest things to do in the world because everyone's got their background and their walk of life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And I remember... In the monastery, it's similar to what you said. Our senior most monk would always talk about three qualities above all qualities. And it was humility, tolerance, and compassion. That was it. And so if you went to one of his lectures, that's all he was going to talk about.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And what you realize slowly was that, at least for me, I found that those became qualities that I aspired for because I recognized they were most valued in this place, even though I may have come from a different set of values before. I would have come from like ambition, drive, whatever it was. And all of a sudden it's humility, tolerance, compassion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And then you saw those who accepted and those who rejected it as well. There were some people who just went, oh yeah, whatever, who cares? And then there were some that went, no, that seems to be the truth. And so what do you find is the healthiest way to encourage people in the right direction? Because people don't want to be told and people don't want to be preached to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
So how do you do it in a way that actually the brain digests?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
They're so lucky to have you. They really are. That's such a, you know, to leave college with that mindset, with a love for deep learning, I think will set people up for so much more success than just a great job that eventually may end up being the job that they don't want to be in and a career that they don't enjoy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And then when you realize that and you don't have a deep love for learning, that becomes really, really hard. And that's kind of what I see. I feel like I speak to a lot of people who are, kind of got the job that they thought they want out of college. And then five years in, maybe even quicker, they're like, it's actually not what I wanted. And now I'm trying to find meaning in life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
But the problem is I didn't have that deep love for learning. And so now I have to build it later on. So it's so lucky to have you. It's really amazing. I wanted to ask you, when you say that affirmation, I love that you have a beautiful brain. Does positive thinking and positive affirmations, do they actually work?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. No matter how much you think you've got away with it up until now, it's not good to keep pushing that and testing how far the brain can go. Exactly. Walk me through the difference between anxiety and stress and why is it important to know the difference?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
I wanted to ask you, Wendy, if it's okay, a couple of questions from your first book about memory. Yeah, sure. Because I just think it's such a fascinating subject. And when we think about the brain and memory, I think there's just, there's so much connection there that I think would fascinate people. I wanted to ask you,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Why is it that we can remember different things about the same event when you're there with the same people?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. And I have a friend who is very present, like, you know, in the moment. But if I was to say to them to remember something from one, two years back, even from like 15 years back, they cannot recall it at all. Is that an issue?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Got it. So that's not a sign for dementia or Alzheimer's or like... No.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
No, they're young.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. And if we want to strengthen our memory, what would you suggest?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Wendy, you've been so kind and gracious with your time today. I feel like I've learned so much. We've talked about absolutely everything. I really hope that everyone goes and grabs a copy of your book, Good Anxiety. It's brilliant. I think there's a need for us to use anxiety in the way you're saying rather than this desire to avoid it. We end every episode with a final five.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
So these questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
So Wendy, these are your final five. The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
I love that. Question number three, what's something you can't wait to discover about the brain?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
I love that. Question number four, what's something that you used to think was true about the brain, but now isn't?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Where did that come from?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Is there an age at which certain things can't change?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
All right. Fifth and final question. We ask this to everyone who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
It's beautiful. Thank you so much. Dr. Wendy Suzuki, you are incredible. That was so much fun. I had a great time with you. Thank you for being so personal as well and open about your own journey with grief. I hope you'll come back onto the show.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Thank you. If you loved this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on how to change your life by changing your brain.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
That first one, I'm so glad you brought that up. And it's a practice I do still till this day. If I'm going on stage or if I'm doing something that's anxiety inducing. And I think people are always like, Jay, wait a minute, you experience anxiety? I'm like, of course I do. It's a part of everyday life. And if I'm about to do something that feels that way, I can notice the same thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
But now that I've noticed that cue, which is like you said, it's easy for me to think, okay, well, I know I need to breathe in for a four and breathe out for more than four, which is a pattern I like. Are there any patterns that you suggest or is it just deep breathing?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
comes in but yes it is such a powerful technique that everybody can use and how do we spot our cues more closely because so for a long time I used to say I don't get stressed and then I started to realize when I was actually still that all my stress was stored in my body so I wouldn't get stressed mentally I wouldn't experience it in my mind yeah and I wouldn't experience it my chest or my heart yeah but then I started to notice that my upper shoulders or my neck is always tight
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And it took me a while before I started to recognize that stress existed in different ways as opposed to this idea of, oh, well, it's not up here, so it doesn't exist. How do we get closer to those cues? Because I think there's two questions. One is how do we get closer to our cues? And the second is when you feel that cue or trigger, how do you remind yourself to breathe?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
You mean like actually crying?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah, I agree. I think that's great advice. It's you can't have something help you. It's almost like I remember being at school and they'd always train you with what happens if there was a fire. Yeah, yeah. So you're training when there isn't a fire.
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Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
When you have nothing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
That's a big one, by the way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I just want to point that out for people. That's so huge.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
What are the other ones you hear? Focusing on that beliefs period, what are you hearing from people about their beliefs? That's my belief, and that's very much my history and story, as you said. What other stuff do you hear from people?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I love that because I didn't even know that then, but I was doing it unconsciously. Yes, you were. So I really wanted to... interviewing incredible people, but I didn't have a platform at the time when I met you. And so I'd partnered up with NASDAQ. And by the way, just to be really clear with everyone, I didn't get paid to do this. So NASDAQ had something where everyone was using Facebook Live.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And I said, hey, could I have an hour in the NASDAQ building Whenever I have an amazing guest that says yes, so that I can interview them on NASDAQ Live and they would put the picture up on the middle of Times Square. On a billboard. So now I could reach out to people I looked up to. That's the reason why I went on the show.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I'm being generous and I'm trying to find a way because I don't have anything to offer. Nothing. But I admire you. And it was all people I admired. It was yourself. It was Ryan Holiday said yes. Me and Ryan had met maybe once before that, but Ryan came on that show. And there were a bunch of other authors. Deepak Chopra came on that show with me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And it was all people that I admired, looked up to for a long time. And exactly that. First of all, we became great friends off of it. But the point is, it's exactly what you're saying, that even though I felt I had nothing to offer, I had to find a way to create something to offer someone a value. I didn't get paid for it, for that show. I didn't get paid to run it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I didn't make any money from it. but it created an opportunity for me to connect with friends, to connect with people that were doing incredible things. And of course, allowed me to showcase my talents so that then I could show it to other people. I remember I had Ryan Harwood on the show who founded PureWow and he just sold it to Gary Vee. And that's how I met Gary.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
So Ryan came on my show and he was just like, Jay, I love you. You're a great interviewer. Like you have such great energy. He really liked my passion. And he said, you got to come meet Gary. And I was like, no way. Like I love Gary. And so he took me to meet Gary for the first time. We had a meeting in his office and that's how I built my relationship with him. It was all thanks to Ryan.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so when you think about it now, like when I'm, I've never thought about it until what you're saying. Yes. Now when I look back, Ryan's been on the podcast like four times now, whatever. I love his books. So many relationships came out of that. And so I think when you live in a world of I have nothing to offer and I don't have anything, it becomes really hard to create.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
That's real.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
The world in which we're living today doesn't seem to distribute wealth in a way that allows people to access it. Some people have been set up really badly. They had poor access to education. They didn't really know what jobs were available. People are working really, really hard and not taking that much home. People are coming at it from a place of pain, of desperation, of stress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
You've reminded me of two really amazing things that I love that I want to throw out because they're not us. It's about other people. Tell me. Last night I was at a premiere of a new show coming out on Hulu called Deli Boys. It's a full South Asian cast. I was really excited to be just at the premiere and just seeing my friends, like, you know, do this amazing thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And it was fascinating because me and Lilly Singh were together. You know Lilly. Mm-hmm. And so me and Lily were together and we're hanging out. And this guy said, hey, can I film you for two seconds? He was working at the event. And I believe this is what he does on his own. I don't know his name, but I'll have to find it. And he took a quick swipe of Lily, like one shot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And she was like, oh my God, Jay, you got to do this. He took a quick swipe with me. He edited it on the spot and he created this amazing reel of the event. Like, and he was just doing it with quick, and he was taking like two seconds of our time. And me and Lily both turned around and go, Is this what you do? Like, how can we work with you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And like, you know, because it was such a great skill and he was showcasing his talent.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
He didn't charge us. He didn't ask for anything. He showed us his talent. And all of a sudden, both of us were like this. A few months ago, I went to a restaurant that I'd never been to with some friends. This wasn't like a fancy restaurant. Just, you know, it was a great restaurant, but it wasn't like fancy or anything like that. The lady who was...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
So everyone already knows that money is stressful. And your first point here is make money easy. Yes. And so I want to ask you, when someone's coming at money, our relationship with money is already at a place. It's kind of like finding love. We're desperate for it. We're stressed by it. We're paralyzed by it. We feel the pressure for it. What do you do when you're feeling all of that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
hosting, she had so much energy and so much passion. She was like taking our order. But then when we asked her for recommendation, she knew every detail. And like, she got three job offers at that table. Me and my friend and everyone like, what do you do? What do you want to do? Let's hire you. Yeah, let's hire you because we just, there was such an energy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so what you're saying is so true because I'm now looking back at my own life and And thinking about moments where I've had that visceral reaction to someone. And she was like, this is what I want to do. This is my dream. And one of my mates was like, all right, well, let's connect. Like, you know, he thinks she could work with him. But it was, again, the same thing you're saying.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
It was just energy and passion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Oh, interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
People who don't know this story or have forgotten about it, like DRock and Gary Vee, like that's their journey, right? Like DRock basically went up to Gary and was like, hey, I'll just edit videos for you for free. And now he's been traveling the world with Gary for the last, God knows how long they've been working together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And he's such a great guy and he's awesome. And it's just, but it all came from that, that idea of, hey, I'm just going to edit these videos for you and do this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
What's the first thing you need to do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. I remember the day after I realized I was four months away from being broke. I must have emailed a thousand people saying, I will do anything. Here are my skills. I will edit videos. I will consult.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I'll run your social media. Those weren't things I wanted to do in my life. but I needed to create a foundation from which I could then invest that into what I wanted to do. And actually that year, everything I made, I invested into starting this podcast. So everything I made this year went into launching On Purpose because that's not what I wanted to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I didn't want to edit other people's videos. I didn't want to launch social media profiles. I didn't want to coach and consult, but I had those skills. And I think this is one of the things sometimes is that we all have skills that are valuable somewhere. And they may not be the skills that you want to do for the rest of your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
But the season of life. And I think there's something to be said for that because we all want to be paid for what we love doing. But even my life today, there's a lot of things I have to do. And there's a lot of things I love to do. And that's life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah. What do you have to say to people who are saying that you can manifest money?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, I love that penny story because I'll tell you a bit about what I do, and I do a similar thing, and it comes from my tradition. Do you have a money mantra? No, we don't say something, but I'll tell you about it. So in our tradition, there's a god or a goddess for each aspect of society. Money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so there is God, as in there's one God, but then there's loads of different gods for different departments of society. Kind of like you have a president or a prime minister and then you have like the cabinet and that- Who's the money god? So it's a goddess called Lakshmi.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, and Lakshmi means wealth or fortune. It's like luxury almost.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Maybe that's where it comes from, who knows? But Lakshmi is the goddess of fortune or the goddess of wealth. And so you would never, ever put your foot on a goddess. So whenever you're walking the streets and you see pennies around, you're never meant to just walk past them. You're actually meant to pick them up and put them to your head. So that's kind of like part of our culture.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so whenever I'm walking around the streets of New York or LA, wherever I am, or Subways, I do the same thing. I'll always pick it up. And it's really funny because someone who's with me will be like, what are you doing? Like, you know, like, why are you doing that? I'm like, because I'm showing respect. I'm actually showing respect to the goddess of fortune. So good, man.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so that's what it is. It's like I'm showing respect to the goddess of fortune by picking it up. And usually you give that money to charity or whatever it may be. It's not you trying to keep on it. You may give it away, whatever. But the point is you're saying, I'm not disrespecting the goddess of fortune wherever I see her. That's beautiful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Because I want to have a respectful relationship with money. I actually really love practices like that because I think it goes back to the point you're making that we have a relationship. with everything. You have a relationship with your body, you have a relationship with your mind, you have a relationship with your partner, and you have a relationship with money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so speaking to money and speaking about money is something you have to do if you want to love that thing and you want it to love you back, right? If you never talk about your partner and you never talk to your partner, how are they going to love you and how are you going to love them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
So in our culture, because it would be Lakshmi walking in, I'll show you a visual of her afterwards. you would actually bow down. Like, you'd have that. And that's a sign of respect, not a sign of surrender or subjugation, but a sign of respect. Like, you'd bow. You'd offer her whatever she wanted. Like, you'd be like, what do you need? Like, what would you like? Would you like a place to sit?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Kind of like a guest in your home.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
You treat them like a guest in your home. Yeah, like, what would you like? Can I get you something to drink? You know, whatever it may be. Obviously, she's a goddess. She doesn't need anything. But the point is, that's how the hospitality would... still be carried through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And then you'd thank her as well. Like you'd start every connection with a god or a goddess with gratitude. So that'd be like a genuine appreciation and an ability to share how you feel. Like I think being vulnerable and saying, hey, like, It's been really tough this month. I'm really struggling right now. This is what I'm going through. I need your help, like a prayer almost of sorts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, definitely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, I think it makes a huge difference. Huge difference.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
was a beautiful thing that we'd always repeat in the monastery it was like god doesn't see what you give god sees what you hold back and so there's not this you know because we can sometimes become egotistical about how much we give and it's like well you've got one hand behind your back and that's you just made that point it's that it's that pinch it's that are you giving where there's a challenge to give yeah because that's where we're healing
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
You can get really egotistical. Like, hey, if you were worth a billion and you signed a million dollar check, like I know people that are making three million in interest a day. Like, so you writing a million dollar check is not the same. This also applies when you have very little. So my parents who didn't make a lot, When they were giving... It felt like a lot. It felt like a lot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so, like, what we're saying is that this thought of being a giver has to be core to us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I mean, there's so many people right now that have the pressure to save money because we've been talking about making money. Yes. But there's this pressure to save money. And how do you find that balance between spending comfortably?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
If you have the ability versus saving for your future or your family, how do you think about that version?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah. What about this idea of... I want to make money quick. Like I just want to make a million dollars in a week. I want to find that hack that solves my money problems. Like what's your take on that? Is that possible?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
No, no, I haven't for sure. And I probably made mistakes when I had a bad relationship with money. I remember my, one of my mentors in like 2013 told me to invest in crypto. And at the time I thought to myself, I've only got like, I only like at that time in my life, I probably had a $1,000 saved because I'd just come out. I'd just started working. I didn't have the money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
So I was thinking, $1,000, what's it going to do? Obviously, I was stupid.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
No, I've never made easy money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah. And that's something that definitely doesn't change with age. that financial change.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And that's what we're all really looking for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
When you're looking for a quick fix and a quick win... The problem is the speed at which you win is the speed at which you lose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Right? So if you think I'll put money into this now, I'll make something in a week, chances are, like you said, you lose it immediately. You lose it in a day. You lose it in a day. And the reason that happens is because you actually don't know why you're putting your money there. So it goes back to your first point of awareness. It goes back to something you call the mapping habit, the plan.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Because what's going on is you're saying, I want this to happen now. I want this to happen immediately. I want this to happen quickly. So I know zero about this crypto. I know zero about this property. I've had friends... literally gamble away their life savings because they heard all their friends were making money through crypto.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
When people say to me, I've got this much money, what should I invest in? I'm like, what do you know about? Invest in that. What do you actually know about? Like, what do you actually have experience, knowledge, wisdom in? Because guess what? Because of that, you'll make money on it because you actually understand it. Again, it goes back to the point of respect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
If we don't respect our audience, it doesn't grow. If you don't respect your community, it doesn't grow. If you don't respect your clients, it doesn't grow. By us saying, I want to make money, but I know nothing about this industry, it means I'm disrespecting the industry.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And sure, there may be one person who had some lucky story that they tell you about, but the truth is most of us are not going to get there. So if you have a little bit of money and you're like, Jay, I've only got $100 to invest. Lewis, I've only got $1,000 to invest. And you ask me where to put it, Put it in what you know. Put it in yourself if that's all you know is yourself and your skills.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And I think so many of us are looking for that ticket. But actually, that investment in yourself will pay so many dividends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I mean, Lewis, I'm so excited for people to read this book. Honestly, I love this conversation because we're both sitting here as people who, like you said, not finished our money journey either. I've got so many years left to learn so much more. The reason why I empathize with it is I never, ever thought I'd be financially abundant, mentally or physically. Me either.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And I know you feel the same way. Dude, I was- I thought I would never figure out how to make money. Same. I really empathize with everyone who's listening going, I'm stuck. I'm trying to figure this out. But I really do believe it starts with this because this is the work you'll have to do, whether you make money tomorrow or in 10 years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And no matter how much you make, you're still going to have to do this work in this book. Because even if you find a way to make money and you become really, really financially successful, you're you will never feel free in that financial success without doing this work. And you'll still feel anxious and you'll still feel stressed and you'll still feel all of that, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I think for me, it was watching my parents. So for all the other things I said about Just Enough and everything, my parents always gave in charity. Our home was always a home where everyone was welcome. My mom would happily cook dinner for everyone, even though we didn't have everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so my parents had this generous heart at the same time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
For sure. And they did it when we didn't have a lot. Now when I realize how much my parents made and how much they gave in charity, the proportions were pretty off. And I think for me, I just felt so fortunate and I feel so lucky and I feel so grateful that I have been able to find abundance in my life that I feel like the only natural reaction to that has to be to give.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
When I came back to LA with the fires and everything, I was just grateful to come back to a home, but not everyone I know came back to a home. And so I felt grateful that I had a home. And so I was like, okay, what can we do? And so I think it comes from a place of gratitude again. It comes from a place of seeing my parents be so generous, even though they had nothing to give actually.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And it ultimately comes to me because I just feel like There's no better use for it in the long run than that. And I do believe it will come back in its own way. I don't give it because I want it back. I give it because I believe there's a need, but I do deeply believe that it will come back in its own way. And it always has.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
The book's called Make Money Easy, Create Financial Freedom and Live a Richer Life, Lewis Howes. Lewis, I'm so grateful genuinely for this conversation. It's left me feeling so rich. I've always felt rich in our friendship. And I'm really glad that you wrote about it in this way because I think there's lots of great money experts out there who are giving really good sound financial advice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, that's not what this is. And I think we need all of it. But I think this is a deep part because I know for me personally, This has been really deep work and you put it into a book. And so I'm so grateful that people get to access it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Thank you for doing this. Everyone who's been listening or watching, read the book, learn the habits, tag me and Lewis on Instagram, on TikTok. Let me know what's resonating with you, what's connected with you. I want to hear your stories. I want to hear what skill you invested in. I want you to turn up at your job, even if you hate it,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I want you to turn up to it with all the love that you possibly have. See whose mind you blow, who gets impressed by what you're doing. Someone's going to be able to shift your life at some point and it's going to start with you, but just don't underestimate the value of these things that sound simple and they sound like I've got to figure out something more complex. No, no, no.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
This is where it starts. And this will mean that at the end of it, you'll be happy. So thank you to Lewis. Thank you to each and every one of you. And yeah, make money easy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I love you. If you love this episode, you'll love my conversation with Dr. Joe Dispenza on why stress and overthinking negatively impacts your brain and heart and how to change your habits that are on autopilot. Listen to it right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, let's talk about all three because as I'm listening to you, I'm thinking that for most of us, when we get aware, we actually realize we don't even want to look at our finances. That's how we all feel because we're so scared. And there's been such a fear built around money that it's like, I don't even want to know because I'm so scared.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Now, when I get my paycheck, I'm thinking, oh God, I hope this covers my rent, my groceries, my bills, whatever else I've got to cover. And then that becomes your stress point. And then you're thinking, oh gosh, I haven't got enough to spend on this thing that I really wanted to do, or I wanted to do something for my kids or whatever it may be. So now there's stress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so I think for most people, when you actually get awareness, you start realizing it's stress. And it's never enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, I think what I'm thinking about when I'm hearing you is, if me and you went back to a place in our life where we really didn't have money, and you think about someone who's in that position who's listening to us right now, and in their head they're thinking, but how do I... become abundant when I don't have. Well, like my natural thing is like, I'm just struggling to pay my next bill.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And me and you have both been in those situations. I remember when I was growing up, I grew up in a house where we had just enough. Like that was the language my parents used. We have just enough. And my parents would often argue about money. I remember I wasn't allowed to buy cool shoes and stuff.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I'd have like the knockoff cheapest brand from whatever, which was, I actually didn't have an issue with that. I didn't have an issue with any of it because we had food and that was my normality. But it's really interesting because the amount of times growing up, I started working when I was 14.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And I think that gave me a really interesting sense of how hard it was to make money because I started working at 14. I used to get paid two pounds per street that I delivered newspapers on. So imagine there's a hundred houses. It's going to take me like- Not per house. No, no, no.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Per street. So I did five streets. And so I'd get 10 pounds at the end of the week if I did five streets. And each street would take me at least an hour. Maybe, I don't know, something like that. And so I'd walk around, I'd pull this thing and I'd deliver it. And I got an understanding of how hard it was to make money. But then that became a story for me going to your point. Making money is hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Making money is hard. And that there's only a certain amount of money you're allowed to make at this level. Like you're a 14 year old. Then I worked in retail. I stacked shelves at a grocery store. I worked at a store called Morrison's, which is like working at Walmart. And there I remember I got paid like five pounds an hour.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And then you get like time and a half if you work the weekends and the evenings. All of this to say that I probably spent my whole life only seeing zero in my bank account because everything that would come in would pay for my phone bill, my car insurance that I paid for, whatever it was that I was taking care of so I wasn't relying on my parents, apart from I lived in their home, obviously.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
But I always felt like money came in, money went out. And my story around money was people who have money are doing something bad. So I lived in a home, whenever we went to a friend's home and they had a nice home, my family would always say, oh yeah, but they do dodgy stuff to make money. All the language around money was people with money are doing bad stuff.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
So in my head, it was like, oh, if you have money, then you must be doing shady stuff because we don't have money and we're not doing any shady stuff.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Correct, in some way, exploiting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, taking advantage, whatever. So everything you're saying is so true because then when I got to a point in my life where I was just trying to do good, And I had something like 150, 200 million views on content. And you had no money. I was four months away from being broke.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And I met you around this time. I met you this time, yes. And it was really interesting to me because that was the time that I was actually doing this work, which is why this book is so powerful. Because I realized that I couldn't... Even with 150, 200 million views, it wasn't that that made money because my story and my personality style was anxious. I felt like it was wrong to make money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Like that's actually what it was. I felt like making money was bad. And so until I got to that... Did you believe you were worthy of making more money? I believed I was worthy, but I believed that you had to be bad to make money. Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Because good people are poor. Wow. Right? Like to be a good person of good character means to not have money. Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Over time that I didn't even know. Like if you would have told me about this eight years ago, I'd have been like, I don't know, which is why I think these reflections are so important people. So when you're in that place, taking your story as well, taking my story, How do we start to rewrite that story now that we're aware?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, you had a book coming out that day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Yeah. And that's, it's a tough situation to be in because you just don't have any idea where things are going to go. Right? You don't know. Like I always say that when my wife met me, I was in debt and had no job. And she was, you know, wonderful enough to like be in love with me in that place in my life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And we didn't know that things were ever going to change, but she was kind of like, as long as we're stable and you find a job and we're good, then things will be great. And I remember that giving me a lot of confidence. Like, even though I was in such a like place of like, I remember I was getting rejected from companies. I wasn't getting any jobs because I just left the monastery.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Like I wasn't, it was really tough getting back into work. But her being there kind of gave me confidence in myself and kind of made me go, oh, wow, well, if a woman like that can, you know, believe enough to be with a man like me, then I've got to work for it now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And I think the key is, are you willing to do that in a way that gives someone confidence or are you someone who gets so affected by it? No matter what gender you are, well, you're now making the other person feel bad for it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Whatever gender you are, if you're always like, oh, come on, you're just lazy. Oh, come on, you need to do more. If you feel that way about your partner, chances are that that's going to push them away, not motivate them to do better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Stephon speaks. Right now in dating... Men have a bad reputation. Is it fair?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. I feel like right now in dating, men have a bad reputation. Men get a lot of blame.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Talk to me about how do those negative stories actually affect us? Because I think we don't think about that sometimes in terms of if every time you're talking to someone, it's like, oh yeah, this just happened. Oh yeah, same thing happened to my friend. Oh yeah, same thing happened to that friend. And like you said, we don't have the full data. It's not always happened to us. And then it spreads.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
But what does that psychologically and even emotionally do to our own mind and brain and heart?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Yeah, that's a really interesting way to look at it because there was a Facebook group, and I forget what it's called now, but it's basically for, I think it's called Are We Dating the Same Man? And it's been built because there are so many women who are experiencing men dating them at the same time, even though he's saying he's exclusive with one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So I had this happen to someone that I know recently, and she was seeing this guy for like six months, And then they were, or three months, sorry, they were seeing each other for three months. They were getting a bit closer. It was long distance. He'd come out to see her and she was about to go and see him. So she messaged him and said, hey, I'm coming out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I just want to make sure that we're taking it in the right direction because she's buying a flight. She's coming over. She's investing in the relationship. And this guy who messaged her every day just ghosted her.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So she went on to this Facebook group and she wrote about it a few days later when she was like, wait a minute, this guy's not getting back to me. I've lost the flight ticket, not in a great place. And then this other woman messaged back and was like, hey, let's connect offline. So then she shared her story. This guy supposedly is married.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
He's then been dating this other girl who just found out that he's married, saying he was going to get divorced. And now he was dating the person that I know. Lord have mercy. And so I think when you hear a story like that, it's no surprise that that spreads because that's a fascinating, juicy story. And it's heartbreaking for the people that are actually invested and involved in it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And I think that empathy, even when I heard that story, I was so heartbroken. But we have to remember that isn't the majority. It does exist. And it's really sad. And if it's happened to you, I'm so sorry. Like, I feel like... That could be the worst thing to go through, but it isn't the majority. And we have to be careful about how we amplify the minority experience.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
For sure. When people are dating, what are some of the things to look out for when you're thinking about long-term success? Because I think the challenge people are having now is like someone will love a bum them for three months. Everything's moving amazing. It's getting really intense. Like, Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world where you come to listen, learn and grow. Thank you to all of you who made us one of the top global shows on Spotify Wrapped. If you've been listening on there, I am so deeply grateful to you. It was amazing to see that connection with all of you. And today we have back
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
the biggest episode, the biggest guest of the last 12 months on YouTube, someone you love, someone you love to learn from, who has so much great insight, so much great wisdom, so many great tools. And what we both loved is that it was a deep, meaningful conversation that you all connected with. Please welcome back to On Purpose, Stefan Speaks. Stefan, it is great to have you here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Honestly, like we were just talking about it. I was so happy to see that a non-clickbait conversation, a non kind of engineered conversation. It was actually the first time we met.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
.. a, P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P,實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a ac...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And we just got into it and the audience and community responded. It was beautiful to see. So thank you for doing this again, man.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
All right, I want to dive straight in like we did last time. I want to dive straight in. What are the biggest issues that men and women are facing when trying to meet the right people and they keep feeling like they meet the wrong person?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Yeah, but I find that's the thing going back to your third point. I find that's the thing that's so hard today because that requires healing. to be able to hear someone out, to be able to listen to someone's concerns and challenges and how they feel and to actually validate it without invalidating yourself, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I think that's why we struggle so much because if someone's saying something, like if you were saying to me like, hey Jay, like, you know, I don't like the way that your friends speak to me when they're around. If I hear that, I start defending my friends because I'm like, what are you talking about? My friends are amazing. They're the best. They're the greatest.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Now I've invalidated you to validate myself because we think validation means I invalidate you, I validate myself. Or if I validate you, then I'm invalidating myself. Maturity is, oh, I could validate you and also stand true to who I am. That's a healed individual. And so I can agree with you and I can also share my perspective.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
But I find that if we're looking for that off the bat, don't you feel like that portion of people is really small?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Yeah, yeah, for sure. Because it's... That's what that unhealed, immature version of us does. It just wants us to... stay in the zone of I'm right, you're wrong, it's my way, you're always not working out, and we got to do it this way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And I think the other thing that's really blocking a lot of people, and I ask you this not because I'm trying to give a question that I think a lot of people ask, but actually, no, it is. I think this is an important question because I think a lot of people have a type going back to your desirables that they're looking for. Is that helping or hurting them when they're dating?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
For sure. And that's such a great example because it's a simple one, but it actually applies to all the deeper things too. Anything you're infatuated by in another person and you pretend to be that, whether it's you're interested in a specific sport, you're interested in hanging around those places, you're interested in their business, like you said, you're tricking yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And so many people are doing that. And A lot of these are tricks and you even called out some of them. I think there's so much bad advice right now. There's so many of these kind of myths that are just floating about. And one of the big ones is, I want to get your take on this. Should the person you're dating or seeing feel jealous when you get attention? Is that a sign of love?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
It's normal. Yeah, I feel like the discomfort is natural. When it gets to jealousy and you're kind of ruining the relationship you have and now checking up and policing, as you said, that starts to become unhealthy. And then ultimately, if it's leading to an internal insecurity between you and yourself, I mean, it can spiral out of control. And I think sometimes...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
we almost want the other person to feel jealous. That's what I was trying to get at. It's like this feeling of like, oh, they don't get jealous when I get attention. It's like, well, it goes back to what you were saying. We're just trying to play games. Like if it's coming from that place, of course, am I uncomfortable when it happens? Of course I am.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
If you love someone, you like someone, of course. But I don't want to make my partner have to feel jealous when I'm feeling that way. Like that to try and keep them entertained and try and keep them interested.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
One thing I love about your advice is that you're constantly encouraging people to have deeper communication. You keep saying, hey, but you got to understand why you feel that way and where that comes from and how that person processes it. And you, in all of your work, your amazing books, your YouTube channel, you always talk about communication.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
How do you communicate with someone who doesn't like to communicate? Because there are so many people I know that if their partner asks them this kind of question, their partner will be like, I don't really think about that stuff, or I don't really know, or just go quiet. I've heard this from so many people. I'm sure you see it all the time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
How do you communicate with someone who doesn't want to communicate?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
That's a great answer. And also when you're forced to write, you don't say that much stuff that you don't mean. Yeah. When you have to write something down consciously, chances are you're going to word it. Exactly. You're not in the heat of the moment. Yeah, because you're trying to explain it and you don't just write it down in the same way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And as I was hearing you speak, I was just thinking there's something I really want women to know that you might be the first person
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
in that man's life that's actually asked him what's going on that's true and so you may have to invite him to that conversation more than one time you may have to make space for his emotions and feelings more than one time and if every time you ask him it's more of a demand he and a stress and a force and a push, then actually it's just going to make him quieter and quieter and quieter.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
But if every time it's an understanding and it's space and it's open, then there may be a chance. Because I feel like for most men, they were never asked about their emotions or feelings. There wasn't a space that they naturally just opened up. And hey, if someone's not opened up for 25, 30, 35 years, it's going to be hard for them to just come out with it because you asked a great question.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Exactly. And so it's not that you're wrong or it reflects badly on your relationship. I just think a lot of men just haven't been given the opportunity to be there. Absolutely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Yeah, for sure. I'm really glad we went there because I think that's blocking so many people in that space. I feel like one of the big things that we talked about last time and I wanted to talk about a bit differently this time is breakups because I feel like
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
there's still this feeling that people have, and they can't not, where if someone breaks up with you, it breaks your world, you take it completely personally, and it makes you lose faith in love. So someone not only broke up with you, they broke your faith in love, and now you don't believe love exists.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
What are the natural feelings and emotions we all have to go through in a breakup that you can't avoid?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Well said. As Stefan speaks. Thank you always, Stefan. I appreciate these conversations with you. You always have like this ability to just... pull things apart to really look at them for what they are. I really appreciate you, man. The way you think about things is so refreshing and all encompassing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And I hope everyone who's been listening or watching, I hope you have better fortune from a deeper place because of the advice that Stefan said today. And please make sure you subscribe to Stefan's YouTube channel. Check out his books. If you're someone who loves reading and listening, audiobooks too. Yeah. Absolutely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And Stefan, is there anywhere else you'd like people to find you right now or anything you got going on?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Absolutely. We're excited to have you back. Thank you, man. You always have an open invite. A pleasure. Thank you, my friend. Thank you. Thank you. If you love this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your ex and find true love in your relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Absolutely, yeah. And a third one, there doesn't have to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Oh, man, you said so many interesting things that I need to dissect now. So the first thing that came to my mind, especially about the accepting yourself, which I really like that idea of rather than trying to just learn about yourself or rather than trying to transform yourself, there's an acceptance of like, who am I? Why am I this way? What does that mean?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And I feel like in relationships, people are looking for someone who perfectly compliments them or perfectly fits them, as opposed to this idea that, oh, that person accepts me for who I am and allows me to be who I am. So I always say this, I'm similar to you. I'm highly ambitious, really driven, love what I get to do. I would be the same as you if I took a month off.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I relate to all of those things. And my wife is so much more like a family person, like quality time, wants to be ambitious, but she also wants to be present and all the rest of it, right? And we are not a perfect fit in that sense. But the reason it works for us is because she allows me to be me and I allow her to be her. I've accepted who I am and I know what that means.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And she accepts me and I accept her back. So if I say to her, hey, you know what? I don't think I'm going to come to that family event because I've got this work thing that I really want to get to. She accepts that. She's okay with that. And if she said to me, I don't really want to come out to you with that business thing that you've got today. I really want to just spend time with my family.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I'd be like, cool, I get it. And I feel like we're just looking for someone who kind of wants to do the thing we want to do with us all the time. But then you start realizing it becomes about one person. But talking about ambition, I wanted to ask you, Do you think that men today are struggling with being attracted to ambitious, driven, successful women?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Let's do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Hey, everyone. It's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my on-purpose podcast live and in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
That's the funny thing, right? Even when you announce that you're going to go quiet and it's like, it's hard. It's, it's, it's hard to figure it out. When, when do you feel, it almost seems like you feel more comfortable now, like being, stepping your toe back in and wanting to show more of yourself, wanting to be that way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
What's making you feel like now's the right time and what's given you the confidence and courage to feel that way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, I mean, it's, first of all, I think it's always an education learning about how a business works. And I think if you're not in the business, you don't really get it. And I think that's true for any career whatsoever, especially careers in the public eye, right? You're like, oh yeah, where did that person go? And it's like, well, the way you launch music is you need time to make music.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And it takes so much time. Yes. And it's very visible because music is the biggest thing in the world. So you see someone for a few months and then you don't see them again when they're working on it. So you're saying that not only were you meditating, you were traveling, you were actually working on new music.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
So when you said, I was protecting my peace, I was taking a break, for the last year you were working on music. That's what we're hearing now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah. And then your music's great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, it's awesome. And I feel like, I mean, even when you called it Love In Real Life, I feel like how much of that was inspired by what you personally had to go through and the challenges or how much was that was just pulling from other parts of your life? Was it disconnected or was it connected?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
What's making you feel like now's the right time and what's given you the confidence and courage to feel that way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I think it's also hard when the things that you stand for are the same things that you're being scrutinized for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, I love that. I love that. One of the things that I think you talked about there, which is so powerful, is you go through something really difficult. On the other side of it, there's this love in real life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
But in between, there's the depression, the darkness, the... The isolation, the worry, the fear. And we all go through that. We all experience at some point in our life where we're almost feeling like we have to hide. We feel like you said, I don't know who to trust, who to love. Will people accept me? How did you go through that? Like, what was that timeline like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Like, what did it look like when you woke up? What did you do that helped? What did you, who supported you? How did it look?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Because that's hard. I...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Oh my gosh. Lizzo, it is so great to have you here. I have been wanting to do this for years. We're such huge fans here. And the last time I saw you, you were performing live at Cannes Lions. You were on stage for the iHeart Festival. I was out there and I'd been told that I had two front row seats reserved so that I could hear you. Yeah. Now what happened is I came into the event.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And it's all I have.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I got into a few conversations. My podcast producer who's in the back right now was meant to take me to this seat. She's such a big fan that she forgot to take me to this seat. So by the time I wanted to make it to this seat, the whole crowd was covered. She was dancing in the front row.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
She claims, she claims you said to her that you were really proud of her dancing skills or shouted something out at her in a really cool way. I'll have to verify what it was, but I didn't get to be front row. So I was sitting at the back enjoying your music from the back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
How lucky am I? Front and center. How lucky am I? But no, honestly, we're such big fans here. And like I said, we've been looking forward to this. And even the first few seconds, we've just been powwowing and going back and forth. It's been awesome.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
All right. Well, I want to ask you, I saw that video on your Instagram. You were standing in a sound bowl. I have not been to that class yet. I have not seen that before. So what am I doing wrong?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And that's hard too because you really care about it, right? I think that's the challenge. It's like you keep doing something because you really care about it. That's why you started in the first place. But then sometimes you're like, well, maybe it'd be smarter for me to not comment on it because it's safer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And before, that wouldn't have been your reaction, right? Before?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I like that. Solutionary.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Solution's not confusion. That is definitely, I like that. And that's a great way for all of us to think about stuff.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
In our own personal life, whether it's public or not. It's like, is me speaking creating more confusion or is it actually getting us more clarity? Is it actually pushing us in the right direction?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Have you felt, you were saying like, obviously when you go through something like this, you've got to become more careful about, you were saying you don't want someone else to become an author of your journey.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
It's like picking the people that are close to you becomes harder and harder and harder. Has that been like a real focus for you in surrounding yourself with the right frequency and vibration? And how do you do that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah. This is, this is so real and I appreciate how like real you're being about it and how direct it is because I do think that it's, A, it's glorified to be like, we should be like a family and everything should be really close. And I think that's like idealized. It's glorified. Like that's what people talk about.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And I think recently a lot of people have been talking about how teams should not actually operate as families. They should operate as teams, like teams, like a sports team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
There's a coach, there's players, the way they operate is like there's camaraderie, there's collaboration, but there's an energy of like, no, we're playing here to win. That's the goal of a team is to win. The goal of a family is not to win. The goal of a family is to just be safe. And wait a minute, but we're at work to win and do stuff. We have results and targets. Families don't have targets.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Families don't have results. Families don't have goals. The goal of a family is just to stay together. And you can see how it plays on our minds. And I've had that too. Like I used to think that team should be family too. And there's a family energy. And I'm like, that's great. But it's like, there's just a different value system to a team and a family.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And I think there's so much to be said for this that you only learn by going through it. You don't know this when you start. Like I think about how much I've had to learn moving into this space for myself, doing this for the last 10 years. It's like, I didn't know. I've never built a team before. And just because I'm good at one thing doesn't mean I know everything about everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And I think there's a lot of pressure on artists, creators, musicians to know about everything when your talent is kind of like here, right? It's like your talent is music and creation, artistry and storytelling.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And that was the first time you tested it out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, because I've never seen one with footprints. Like I've never seen one that you stand in. I've seen ones that you lie down and they play them at your head or sometimes they come and put a crystal on your chest.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah. So it sounds like this was the headspace from which the music was created.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Like all of this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Like I've been in those and I love them. We actually did one with my team. We do a team retreat every year and we did one last year, but we did it outdoors and we had this amazing sound healer come and lead it. And when we woke up, we all could see like shooting stars. Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And so some of those songs made it onto the album. Some of them didn't. Some of them were just... A lot of them didn't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
But you still had to make it to let go of that emotion, that feeling. There was a part of it that allowed you to shed certain things you were carrying.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
no what is going on and then we realized it was neural link it was elon musk's like you know it was just this thing whatever it is i can't remember what it's called but we all woke up thinking like we could see something magical but it is such an amazing experience to have sound heal you and that frequency did it finally work when you were standing in it like yeah my ankles started itching and i was like what's going on i feel like ants were calling on my ankles and i kept scratching at them and i was like oh that's it's waking it's wake it's awakening me
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
You know what I'm saying? I love what you said about how creativity is a stream. And that's why the word stream is actually so beautiful because you're right that we're all pulling from the universe of moments of creativity and mixed with our experience. It's almost like one layer is the stream of creativity in the universe and the other is the experience of real life of what we're going through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And great art is made when those two things are moving in parallel and you're able to like connect the dots between the two. And it seems like that's what you've been trying to stream and channel and put it together. How has your view on love changed through this process? Like when you look at the word love now,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, I love that flesh to flow. That's really good because it's so good. I love what you're saying because I think about this often where we're like, we're all like, be kinder to everyone. And then the next thing you need is someone's comment section, which is like, why does her voice sound like that? What's up with her hair today? Like, what's up with his, you know?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And I'm like, wait a minute, didn't we all just say we needed to be kinder to each other and kinder to ourselves? And we'll be like, oh no, mental health is the most important thing in society right now. You look at a comment section, all of a sudden someone's mental health is being absolutely destroyed for things they can't even control.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Things that you don't even know why their voice sounds like that or why their weight's like that or why their health's like that. Like you just have no context. And it's so fascinating to me that you see this complete quarrel and hypocrisy of constant like just... everything we're saying, we're finding it hard to live. Like it's hard to see in real life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Like what you just said, like we all love reading about gossip about someone else's life, someone else's dating scenario. But then if your friends are gossiping about your life, you're like, can you believe it? They're spreading rumors about me. And it's so interesting, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And I think about it all the time because as soon as you think you're free of it, if you're like, oh no, I never gossip about anyone or whatever, then you just got to take a beat and take a look at how you spoke about someone yesterday. Yeah. And so we're, like you said, we're all human. We're constantly trying to propagate and preach the right thing to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
But we're all struggling in reality with actually doing it when it's hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, that's real.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I agree. I think that's a beautiful way to put it. It's that projection of our own insecurity and pain and the conversation that's happening in our mind is going outward as well. And I feel like it's harder, like we were talking about earlier, when you mean something to people, because I feel like when you then change, people feel like they're losing a friend.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
It's like when you transform, then people feel like, oh, but you used to be the girl that watched the reality TV and talked about it. Now you don't, like I'm losing you. Oh, you used to be the person who, who didn't do that and didn't do that. And now you are like, I feel like I'm losing you. Have you ever felt that way before?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Like, as you're transforming, as you're growing, as you're becoming the person you want to be that people can often also feel like you're leaving them behind. People feel like they're grieving a friend.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Absolutely. And on a very, very base level, if someone hasn't tried it out, A, they should try it out. And B, it's like, we all know that sound makes us feel a certain way. There's songs from your past that make you feel nostalgic. There's music that can make you cry instantly. There's sounds that make you feel thoughtful and reflective.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
We all now work to lo-fi beats or whatever it is on YouTube playlists. And there's a sense that sound and frequency has an impact on us. And this is just taking it to another level. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
That's beautiful. That's beautiful the way you explained that. I love, first of all, I really appreciate the empathy that you have in the fact that everyone's not seeing everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
So it feels like overnight. It feels like a shock. And the fact that you even have the foresight to even think through that shows just how aware you are. But at the same time, I really appreciate how you're using the word weight release and not loss. And talk to us about that because I think that's really important. It's such an interesting reframe and such an important reframe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I don't know what to say.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I love that. And did the playing of the sound bowls come naturally to you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I I
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, that's impressive because it's not easy to do. It's pretty challenging. So that's awesome. I can't. I'm the guy who can't even whistle. So let alone like.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
No, no, no, no. It's hard. It's hard. My wife's a bit better than me. We have we have a few beautiful ones at home, but it's hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I need to come to one of your Astorams if I'm allowed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I love it. That's so fun. And Lizzo, I know you're huge into astrology, right? Like that's something that you're really passionate about. I was wondering, have you ever had a conversation with an astrologist that really changed your life? Something they said that just shifted everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
What's different about the second house here that you move into?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, I'm a Virgo. So yeah, I was like, oh yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, absolutely. I love that. And I love how you're describing it. It sounds like you're a phenomenal astrologer because I feel like there's such a deep way of knowing how to use it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
It's not just something that I think for all of us who've been exposed to astrology since we were young, it was like, oh my God, it knows me. It's predicting, it's this, it's compatibility, but it's so much more. It's like, how are you using it for personal growth and self-growth? Like, how do you use that as, okay, this is what I'm going to focus on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I love that. I love the way you're talking about astrology. It's so refreshing because obviously you're so deep into it. And I think that's, and it sounds like that's similar to why you, last year you said, I'm taking a gap year, I'm going to protect my peace. Was that part of it to know that you're in that house year? Like that was giving you that sense as well?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Has there been any examples of any parents who weren't communicating with their non-speakers and then maybe through your work or Dr. Power's work kind of become aware of this and then tried to experiment and experience where they didn't realize that their non-speaking child could talk to them in this way by spelling?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Up until now, what kind of responses have those questions met? Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
appreciate your insight on immersive observation especially I like your analogy of thinking about it as if you're watching something in nature and you have to see it in its own space and its own habitat and its own environment where it naturally functions and isn't
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
put into this space and I've always felt and known that there's so much more that we're capable of that we don't know how do we draw the difference and distinction between this and intuition and some of the other things that we may be more familiar with as a society how is this so different
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
How do you define consciousness in that context?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
What do you mean? Tell me a bit more about that. I'm less aware.
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Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
No way. Mm-hmm.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Are there any other programs or things you've come across like that, that are used in the modern world in a less spiritual space or?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Have you and your friend ever tried doing that again?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
That'd be really fascinating to sit down again and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, it's one of those things, isn't it? Where it's so hard in our material world to give space for invisible thinking. Yeah. Because like you said, everything that we look at is so visibly measured, visibly real. That's how we function. Yeah. as a society, then almost when these ideas start to seep in, it starts to become very challenging.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And certain ideas have found their place in the Western world when you look at things like astrology. And so coming from an Eastern background, astrologers who have incredible abilities rarely exist anymore, but those that in India had these abilities, like you've seen the Western version of astrology evolve and it exists in some capacity in our world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
But you find most of these ideas kind of fall by the wayside and don't really have a version or like a lot of astrology can be and is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
get labeled as woo-woo or just you know made up or or meant to make people feel safe what was it that gave you so much trust when you were doing these tests yourself that gave you a sense of confidence from being someone who in your own words you felt well it's not that you came from a spiritual background or this what you're open to and all of a sudden you're like no i believe this like what what did you see what did you experience that you were like no no this this is legitimate yeah
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
How would you describe or explain what telepathy actually means?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
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Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
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Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. What had you seen when you spoke to Dr. Powell? Like, what had she seen from a scientific point of view that convinced her that this was real?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
What research had she found that made it feel so legitimate to her as well?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Sorry, could you tell us what ESP is?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
What have you found in your research looking at animals and telepathy?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
As you can ask you about the connection between dreams and telepathy, has there been any connection there?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
What kept her going?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, definitely. There are so many people that I've been speaking to about it with since I've been listening. And the conversations that it's starting are actually the most exciting part for me. I think the curiosity that it's sparking in people. I was trying to think about actually when else in society, when have we had that kind of resistance to something?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Like, I don't know if you've looked back and I'm sure with your research mind, like, have you looked back at times in society where we would have been like, no, going to the moon is ridiculous. It's never going to happen. And then we do it, right? Because that in one sense is outside of our visible world to some degree in terms of before you could see it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Or now when we talk about, you know, building life on another planet, it's become normalized because Elon Musk or whoever will talk about these things publicly so often. Have you looked at any other times with things like this?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Today's guest is someone that I'm really excited to talk about. These are the themes, the ideas that I really want On Purpose community to get exposed to. They're conversations that I believe we should be having, need to be having as humanity, and they push us forward. They challenge us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
There's still a few flat earthers left.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, for sure, for sure. And I almost think that it's at like a perfect synchronicity with all of our developments in AI. Like, you know, we're at this precipice where it's like AI is the new frontier, right? At a very basic level, everyone's now using chat GPT. And then we're looking at what singularity could look like. And we're looking at the tech horizon of all of this advancement.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And it only makes sense to me that at the same time, we need this other side. That we're also seeing these advancements in our spiritual understanding and our spiritual exploration. And I wanted to ask you, so far with Dr. Powell's work and what you've seen, what has been...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
They Maybe make us feel uncomfortable, but they propel our thinking forward. And today's guest is none other than Kai Dickens, an award-winning, acclaimed filmmaker and podcast host known for diving into complex social issues to spark change. Kai is the host of The Telepathy Tapes, which is a new podcast going absolutely viral. If you don't know about it, I don't know where you've been.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yes, agreed, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah. When you started doing the tests, I remember you saying that you were seeing like a 95% success rate, which is extremely high. What were you seeing in the 5% that was inaccurate or incomplete?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, right. Oh, wow. So it was literally things like spelling, basically.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, or a double tap, et cetera.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Kai digs into the incredible abilities of non-speaking individuals with autism uncovering mind-blowing stories of telepathy beyond different dimensions. The series invites viewers to challenge their ways and rethink what communication really means and what the human mind is truly capable of. Please welcome to On Purpose, Kai Dickens. Kai, thank you so much for being here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And what about some of them that could see colors and letters around numbers? Where was that coming from?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
You've dedicated three and a half years to this now, right? Do you feel like it feels like your purpose? It's become something that's so, I mean, to dedicate three and a half years is a long, long, long, long time. And the telepathy tapes you launched fairly recently, like just around the holidays or whatever, and to see the incredible success they've had. But it's been so much study and time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
I want to know your emotions and feelings throughout this three and a half years and then Whether it feels like your purpose now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
What meaning has it spoken to you for you? So what questions has it answered for you or what questions has it made you ask that you find are so meaningful for us to know?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, it's so nice to meet you. And I want to dive straight in. And the question I want to ask Kai before we get into it is, who were you before you dove into the telepathy tapes, before you dove into this work? Tell me a bit about who you were, what you believed, what you valued, and what your system of thinking was.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, I mean, the Eastern traditions describe consciousness to have three qualities, sat, chit, and ananda, which mean full of knowledge, which makes sense to what you're saying now, eternal, endless, and full of bliss, love. And so when you're saying that, even through your discovery, that potentially consciousness...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
the idea that there's greater consciousness where there's knowledge or messages being inferred that comes from that full of knowledge the idea that you're saying consciousness doesn't die you used a word there i forgot it but this idea that it's continuous and that continues to exist is the eternal part and then like you said it's founded on love is the full of bliss and so those qualities actually seem to match very coherently with the eastern spiritual traditions of
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
understanding what consciousness actually is yeah i've always been excited about science catching up with spirituality yeah and so i love when science can prove the value in spirituality and beliefs or practices that have happened for hundreds or thousands of years yeah
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And I've seen it happen with mindfulness and meditation where, you know, these practices have been around for thousands of years. And today, mindfulness and meditation are no longer woo-woo and made up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Even when I first started practicing it, like I first started practicing meditation around 2007. And if you talked about meditation to someone in 2007, they didn't really think it was that valuable or they thought it was just made up. Or if you told someone that breath work was a way of calming yourself down or, you know, reducing negative thoughts or anxiety, people would have laughed at you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And so I've seen it happen with a few things and I've always been excited by when science has been able to have the language, the tools, the vocabulary to talk about these ideas and I was just back at the monastery that I used to live at in India this January. And I had some of my most powerful meditation experiences nearly 20 years after I first started meditating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And it's hard to explain, like it's hard to put into words. And, you know, you can often feel, and I'm sure, you know, the nonverbal children, they probably feel as well, like how little they can even, you know, through the written word, actually explain what they're experiencing or what they're going through. And we can all identify with emotions and feelings like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Even if we don't believe, know, trust what's going on. I think we've all had experiences where like, I have no idea how to explain this, or I have no idea how to put this into words. I've always wanted that marriage between science and spirituality, where science will actually look to spirituality for what to look into.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Me and Andrew Huberman, who's been on the show a few times, will always talk about a lot of the practices he suggests and recommends, like starting off your day looking at sunlight, which kicks off our circadian rhythm and keeps everything in harmony and balance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Surya Namaskar, which translated as sun salutations, is an ancient practice of looking at the sun when you wake up first thing in the morning. And how that was the way to get your body invigorated. And so you see these similarities in these ancient practices that people have done for thousands of years. They may not have said, oh, it's about the circadian rhythm.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And they didn't talk about it like that. But they were these beautiful practices in every tradition that existed because of their value to the human body, the human mind, and the human spirit.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, exactly. And while there are naturally, as always, people who've exploited or lied or pretended or charlatan, whatever, in In these traditions, naturally, as there are in everywhere, science included and everywhere else, it's almost like those people exist because the real thing exists.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Because there's someone who can do it for real and then someone's trying to do something with it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
But that's usually how it works. You only get, this is a terrible example, but that's where my mind's going. You only get fake Gucci handbags because there's real ones. And that's the idea with research. You only get fake something when the real thing has been existed or experienced. And then you make the fake version because you don't know how the real one exists.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Why is our resistance so deep? Like, why are we so stuck in our ways when it comes to these ideas? And the same is probably true for scientific and technological advancement too. I think, you know, I recently spoke to Bill Gates and he was talking about the idea that computers would exist in every home was just bizarre. Like people were like, that's ridiculous. Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
No one's going to have a personal computer in their home. What's the need?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
That was, that was the opinion that people had. So I don't think it's, I actually don't think it's just spirituality. I think, I think innovation, any form of innovation meets that kind of resistance. Where does that come from? Why is it that we're so resistant? What have you seen from human behavior and people you've come across?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Have you felt that spending more time with the children, the families and everything, are these abilities that... those of us that are mere mortals and normal can develop and build and grow? Or are they things that are reserved for specifically the nonverbal speakers?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah. I mean, I often wonder also whether science will ever be able to measure a lot of these experiences and phenomena.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
in a way that makes sense to everyone. I often wondered that whether some of these things are just the way they are. And like you said, because our scientific tools have been built to measure that which is material and seen, how can we measure something with a tool that's meant to measure something that's unseen anyway?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Can you tell us how you first discovered it? Because like you said, your work was somewhat different to what this is now. And I want to know how it first came across your table.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
What have you found in your research looking at animals and telepathy?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Only on that day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
One thing that really stood out to me was I think you said that the American Speech Language Hearing Association says that spelling is not a valid form of communication and they call it a pseudoscience. And I was like, so that's interesting as well. Why is it considered that way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Walk me through that. I didn't know that. I learned that through listening. Like 150 years sign language took to be accepted. What were the steps? Do you know?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
What's been your, if you had to pick a couple of favorite stories or experiences that have really stayed with you or relationships you've built with some of the parents and families and non-speaking individuals that stand out to you that you shared on telepathy tapes or?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
I'm not claiming to have any telepathic abilities, but I have this habit of whenever I think of someone, I always message them. Even if I don't need anything or want anything. And 99% of the time when I think of someone, I don't want anything or need something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
So I'll just message them and say, hey, I'm thinking of you and, you know, sending love. I'm here for you. And 99% of the time someone will message me back and say, I was just thinking about you. Or I really need to try now, whatever it may be. Now, whatever that is, I always love the magic of being able to send that message, whether it is met with a positive response or not.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And it's just a beautiful thing to try. And I think, I just love that your work is making us more curious and opening us up to these ideas, because that to me is the part of us that's missing when it comes to spiritual innovation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah. I was actually going to ask you about the connection between dreams and telepathy. Has there been any connection there? Have you come across anything between those two?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
John Paul and Lily and that connection. Can you explain that to the audience who may not have heard it yet?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
He's episode four.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah. Right. Right. And I think that's a really important point that you made there. It's like, we all have different gifts and abilities and it's just, I think if you start to think that this person is gifted beyond that, that can get quite messy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
In any way for anything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Can you explain the hill?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
I can't wait to learn more about that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
That makes even more sense now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, that makes so much more sense. When I was looking at studies on monks' brains, they found that when monks were doing the deepest meditations, if they put their hand on a hot plate, which most of us would touch and immediately take our hand back, that they were able to keep their hand on it because they're disconnected from the physical experience. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
So it didn't feel hot to them at all because they were so removed from their physical state.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And those studies have been proven and shown. And just that idea of being so deep in meditation that you didn't feel, you know, heat. And I think people, you know, it's really interesting to think about Eastern traditions. There's a beautiful statement by C.S. Lewis that says – You don't have a soul, you are the soul and you have a body.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And going to your consciousness point, that idea that because we live as if we are the body, Eastern traditions would argue that therefore we only know what the body knows. We only know our limits based on physicality. But for those of us that know we're not the body and that we're consciousness, so much more is accessible. And that's where your point around belief system and value system and...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
everything else come in that, oh, wait a minute, I'm not actually just limited by this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Had you always felt that way about all your projects before as well, that there was always this very clear...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, I was speaking to one of my friends the other day and he was, he's very deep into AI and he was explaining to me that if you looked at an extremely, extremely below average individual in terms of IQ, Einstein was only 2.4 more times intelligent than that person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And then if you look at AI, we can't even comprehend how intelligent AI is because AI is going to be, is already a hundred times more intelligent than that, million times more intelligent, could be expansively 10 million times more intelligent than Einstein, which is bizarre to even experience and imagine because how could someone be more intelligent and have a better IQ than Einstein?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And it's just really interesting when you look at it from that dimension that I think we're already with AI experiencing something quite remarkable and quite beyond. Like it's quite phenomenal that we kind of take it as something that's to some degree becoming normalized when it's really not that normal that there are going to be. And just because we see it as computers and tech,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
But being able to understand us, being able to know our needs, being able to know what we want to hear. I've read so many articles with people now using AI as their therapist and everything else and feeling so understood.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
But that's the same kind of curiosity and openness we have to have over here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Of just being open to marvel at these incredible abilities. I don't know if that resonates or am I getting it wrong? Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah. How do we make sure that it's not made quiet and put down? Because I imagine that that's, you know, a natural thing that's happened in the past as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
It's, or people are like, oh, this is bad or it's, you know, whatever. So how do we make sure that we keep asking these questions and...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
if scientists and others in the community are open to wanting to go and be with the non-speakers and be a part of this, how do we do, and how does the general public do it in a way that isn't disrespectful? Because I can imagine that testing and things could be exhausting for these individuals. They're humans. We're kind of, you know, this whole process is somewhat invasive of
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Wow. To describe for someone who doesn't know anything about this, how would you describe or explain what telepathy actually means?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
How does that feel after three and a half years of work? I'm sure like finally sharing with the world and receiving those emails yourself. And what's that experience been like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And how has it impacted your personal spiritual and consciousness journey of understanding yourself on a deeper level?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
What's the wildest thought of yours they read? When you didn't know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Gosh. Kai, is there anything that I didn't ask you that you really wanted to share or something that's on your heart or mind that you didn't get to speak on that you would like to share? Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Do you think it's possible that we will become capable or have the opportunity to become capable to communicate that way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
If you knew what someone was thinking, how would you speak differently too? I think that's the other side. One side is being able to read and maybe someone cleaning their thoughts. But if I could see what you were thinking, how would I speak to you differently? How would I look at you differently? How would I connect with you differently?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
It would transform hopefully how we'd take care of each other as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And is it mind reading, they're feeling everything from, as I've heard and seen of like numbers and places and letters, or is it also emotions and feelings? And what are we seeing that spectrum be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
That's beautiful. It's a beautiful way to live. Yeah. Yeah. That's beautiful. Kai, it has been so fascinating talking to you. Honestly, I think the work that you're doing is so inspiring and Truly, there's been very little that I think we've had to be curious about for a long time when it comes to this space.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And I really feel like you've brought something to the fore that we can all be spiritually curious about. And the questions that you're asking are so intriguing to me, then questions that I believe we all should be looking for the answers, I think.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
for a long time we've thought about physical questions like how do we make the body stronger and how do we sleep better and how do and those are really important questions I stand by that we do that a lot on this show but similarly I think we're all asking questions of like why do we exist and why am I here and you know do I really understand the abilities that I have and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And especially for those that have been seen as, like you said, that they're not in there to realize that there is a purpose, there is a value, there is a gift, there is, of course, there is already, but inherently, but there's so much more that we don't know. And so...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
I'm so grateful for your time and energy, not just today, but for the last three and a half years of you dedicating your life to this purpose and for sharing it with me so openly and graciously with me and my audience. And I'm sure everyone, if they're not already listening to the telepathy tapes, which I'm sure they are,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
we'll go back and listen or we'll listen for the first time and and help pass it on how much can people support or connect if they want to be a part of this work with you and encourage you or even want to write to you how can they get in touch or how can they follow along
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
I hope we can stay in touch and I can ask you more questions, hear updates and continue this conversation offline as well. I feel like there's so many great spiritual conversations to be had and shared. And I can't wait to see where this works goes. So here as a supporter and cheerleader and look forward to learning lots more.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Thank you so much. If this is the year that you're trying to get creative, you're trying to build more, I need you to listen to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods that lead to success, and the secret to genuinely loving what you do. If you're trying to find your passion and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
So wait, did you reach out to Dr. Powell? How did that go?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
That's their question. Yeah. How were these parents discovering it in the first place? What was their process?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Hey, everyone. It's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Did Dr. Powell ever explain why this specifically existed for non-speakers?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, what was something that you didn't value about your mom at that time that now looking back, you say, no, I do value that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, it's so funny. As I was reading the book, I was reminded of... So when I graduated from college, I didn't go to my graduation ceremony because I left to become a monk. Wow. And my parents were... They were very kind in accepting of my decision, but my mother still has this feeling that she doesn't have a picture of me graduating, wearing the hat and, you know, holding my certificate.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And I remember I was having the same feeling that you were, where my mom would always say to me, oh, when I go to my friends' houses, they're telling me about all the jobs that their kids are doing and the apartment they just moved into and you're just there being a monk. Like, you know, she'd say that to me. And it was always that kind of feeling, like that sense of,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
pressure to live up to something she wanted me to do even though there was love and there was acceptance and i was wondering for you like you you said it yourself she was such a powerhouse she had such high expectations when did you feel that you reached that or do you feel you've reached that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah. Do you still feel that today, that it's almost like her voice is in your head and she's present in that way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. I was wondering, what was your biggest realization about your father from writing this book?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
What was it like finding that reply, forgetting that he had replied?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
How does that, as that relationship evolves, like it felt like when I was reading Source Code, I felt like your father was there to always save you in these moments. Like he'd pick up the phone, he'd be involved in, you know, talking to you and your friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Like he was there in these very pivotal moments that felt like almost professional support from him, of course, based on his intelligence and background as well. But it sounds like that evolved to a much more emotive, intimate space. Like what does that look like for a father and a son across all those years?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Do you remember one of the final conversations you had with him and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
There's the one phone call you described, the three words he used of, I hear you, when he was talking to the school, and that left such a strong imprint. Could you tell us why that was such a big moment for you at that time?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
If you look at it from the outside, you see Steve Jobs and yourself having this conversation competition, envy, jealousy. What was it actually like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
What would you say is the one way your mother influenced your parenting style and then your father influenced your parenting style?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
How did you reconcile that towards the end about your father's style and how did you make space for that and accept that? In that generation,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, I'd have to agree. When I was reading it too, I was thinking that, and this is what I found so interesting, Bill, when I was reading Source Code, that even though you have lived such a otherworldly life in so many ways, there were so many relatable moments from a parenting standpoint. And when I was reading it, I was thinking about my father too, who wasn't around a lot when I was younger.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
He was working, both my parents had to work. And to the point you just made right now, like my father wasn't there when I was playing rugby or he wasn't there when I was swimming for my local club or he wasn't there on the sidelines cheering. And for me, that really allowed me to become the man I wanted to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And it allowed me to have more freedom almost to not feel like there was this heavy expectation. And I've always seen that as a positive thing because it allowed me to have a broader definition of
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
what it meant to be a man what it meant to be a son what what it meant to go off and discover something that I was passionate about and so even seeing you kind of having your mother be the one who was almost you know pushing the expectation and what the family should be but then having a bit of freedom it was interesting to see how that impacted you to be able to push back to be able to you know even at one point like you said in that letter like parent him almost in his decision
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
and play that role. So it was refreshing for me to read a book about you where I was actually seeing parts of myself in certain relationships in a very relatable way. Did you ever anticipate that when you were writing it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Do you remember one of the final conversations you had with him?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
What are we getting wrong? Because it sounds like you felt maybe the computer would give people that impetus and the ability to download more and learn more. Where have we gone wrong?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Bill Gates, welcome to On Purpose. Thank you so much for this opportunity. I'm so grateful. Great to be here. I have to start by saying that when I was reading Source Code, I believe I got... an unbelievable perspective, and a deep sense of gratitude that I didn't have before for how hard it is to build code, software, and computers.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And I really feel that my generation and beyond have often taken for granted these inventions. And so I just wanted to start by saying that's what took me by surprise. And I was blown away as to the challenges of getting access to even using a computer through being given permission through to all the other battles that came with that journey, I was really, really amazed and taken aback.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
So thank you for that. How does that feel hearing that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
That part, I mean, the research that you did to find in this book, every time I was reading, I was just like, how do you have so much detail? I was really blown away by the level of detail, both in the storytelling, every moment, but then even there's that note that you have that says, Steve Jobs called was rude.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Absolutely. And that's what I wanted to ask you. The first question was, what would you say is the most recent invention that you've genuinely been impressed by? Because I imagine that's quite hard for you. But is there a consumer product or something that really took you by surprise and that you would say impressed you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And I was just like, you know, even just having that back then, I was laughing as I read it. And I was wondering, like, I feel like from the outside view, And naturally, and you talk about this later on in the book, how we see people as this like slither of who they are and people have a public profile and that becomes their brand.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And if you look at it from the outside, you see Steve Jobs and yourself having this competition, envy, jealousy, kind of like arch rival nemesis kind of portrayal. What was it actually like? Because in the book, it comes across much more inviting than that, as opposed to this kind of harsh rivalry.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Wow. Well, that's very humble of you as well. I mean, it's beautiful to hear. What were some of those final conversations like that you had with him that were potentially, it always felt like he was so philosophical and maybe more so in those moments?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah. Was there a memorable piece of advice or conversation where you said something to him or he said something to you that has stayed with you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, you're reminding me of something I read in Bob Iger's book where he was talking about how there was a time when Spielberg, George Lucas, they'd all sit together and then they'd watch each other's movies and give them feedback. And they all felt very confident doing that because they knew their strengths and their uniqueness. were so diverse.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And so they didn't feel threatened that, oh, well, Stephen's going to steal my idea or, you know, George Lucas is going to steal my idea because they felt so confident. And it sounds like even for yourself as competitors to talk, to have a relationship, does that still happen today? Do competitors talk? Do they pick up the phone to each other? Or was that very rare?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Because it feels like it feels definitely now so less.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah. What was some of the advice that you've given to Mark or especially earlier on his journey or even more recently?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah. It seems like, I love what you were just saying now that, you know, maybe there'll be a time when Elon turns to philanthropy and you talked about others and it, and it seems that that turning point for you is so key.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And I feel like you were one of the first, not that it wasn't done before, but one of the first to do it in a really big way to be able to move away from this big company that you founded, world-changing, uh,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
um generation changing and then turning to that and that service element to me i was intrigued as to why do you believe that that's almost where every one of these people need to go like why is it that you believe that turning to a life of service and giving back is cool for elon or whoever else it may be well it's pretty insane this is a world where somebody can have
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, I think it's absolutely brilliant because I was really fortunate when I went out and lived as part of my time as a monk in India, we helped put together a, well, the monks were doing it already, but I got to be a part of it, helped build a daily food distribution service in India that feeds a million kids a day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And it was all in exactly what you're saying, like to help the malnutritioned children and And now they're even trying to figure out how much protein to have in it, like trying to figure out the actual composition as well. And I remember seeing that so early in my life, like I would have gone out there first time in my teens and then later on when I became a monk in my early twenties.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
But the reason I raise it is because I think it goes back to what the point you made earlier about motivation. And one thing I've really been trying to figure out with the right partner recently is how when I grew up, I remember my dad used to read The Rich List. And he'd have The Rich List like the Sunday Times or whatever it was.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And so as a kid, I would see my dad and on the back of it would be The Rich List. And I was thinking, how incredible would it be if kids grew up with a service list? And how would that change motivation? Because I feel we repeat what we reward. And I feel like we've never really seen that case study yet up until maybe, you know,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
your case study and the people that are following with the Giving Pledge, that service becomes a natural part of life at that scale. I think we see it in smaller communities. You see people with very little actually doing so much, but you don't necessarily see it at that level. And so I find that changing that drive and motivation early on
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
which it seems like your mother had for you, your impact of faith had in you, I think that could be huge. I don't know what you think about people seeing a service list instead of a rich list or whatever the right word is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Absolutely. And as you were saying, discovering your potential was something that really happened for you on a lot of hikes that you went on in the book. And I loved learning about how being outdoors was such an integral part of your childhood and growing up. And I was wondering if you could go on any hike in the world, anywhere right now, where would it be? Where would you choose to be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, I think that's such a brilliant lesson and wonderful one to pass on. I think it was Trump who mentioned recently that you'd asked to see him to have a discussion. Did that meeting ever happen?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah. What do you see as the moral purpose of the United States in the way you mentioned it just now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, that's such a good point. I didn't actually think of that, but you're right. It didn't come up at all. Yeah, that's fascinating. I mean, how do you prepare for something like that? It would need to be surrounded by the right people and having the parties...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, it's interesting because as you talk about social media there, I think Mark Zuckerberg on Joe Rogan was saying that they are taking away their fact checkers and I believe X is doing something similar. What was your take on that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And how do you see your role in that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Wow. Wow. Is it just a lack of time or?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, I mean, you've raised such a good point there. Even this idea, I loved what you said, that you said you wish your generation could have figured out how to not have these extreme polarizing conversations, but actually find this healthy middle ground, whether that be through algorithms, whether that be through how we use technology. What is it that... Why do we keep doing that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
It almost feels like that's a repeated mistake where we come across... this horizon of this new world, new technology, new ideas, but then we always use it for almost the same thing or something that feels insignificant compared to what it could do. Where are we going wrong? Why can't we get that right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, I think on a global level, it requires what you were saying. And on a personal level, it requires us to almost be able to evaluate, assimilate, assess, have self-awareness, allow for self-reflection, space for the things we don't have time for anymore. I was looking into something called the third space theory and how in the past you had your home, you had work,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And then you had church or temple or community center. And how those three spaces, that third space was a place you could look back on home and work and say, oh, I could treat my wife a little bit better or I could have spoken to my colleague a bit better. And that third space allowed that time and energy where it was all about reflecting on how you could improve.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
But today we've lost three spaces into two into one where we work from home, live at home, and the screen is our third space. And so that lack of having a physical space or building that gives you permission to step back from your whole life, not play a role there, and actually purvey what's going on in your life. We've lost that. Yeah, that's a shame.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, there's so much conversation today, I feel, about work-life balance. Do you think that that sacrifice and that dedicated time was necessary for the levels of success or would it have been possible in another way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
If you're going through something right now with your partner or someone you're seeing, this is the episode for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
One of your favorite quotes that I've always loved is you've said, we overestimate what we can do in one year and we underestimate what we can do in 10 years. At the beginning, did you overall underestimate yourself?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
You mentioned your parents earlier. And when I was reading this book, I felt like they are such a big part of this book and the storytelling and the incredible experiences and memories. And one of the things you mentioned is you say that they felt that they accepted that you were different from your peers. And I was wondering in what way, how did you know that they'd seen that and accepted that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah. What influence do you think Dr. Cressy actually had on you? Because therapy at that time and in your early age, looking back on it now, what do you feel it gave you? What skills did it give you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my on-purpose podcast live and in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah. And did he also had these beautiful ways of you said he never belittled you. And I believe he used to mention to you, you're going to win or he wanted you to win. And I feel like that's what, what did those things do? Because it's almost like you're saying he made you have this, almost this realization that you were wrong, but it seemed like he did it in a very graceful, elegant way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Like how did, how did he do that? Absolutely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Or do they leave it on the floor and walk through freely? The Buddha told this story naturally as a metaphor for our lives. All of us may have had so many mindsets, so many habits, so many practices that got us to where we are today, and they saved our life. There's no doubt about it. They were brilliant.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
The mindsets you've developed, the habits you've developed, the patterns, they have been fulfilling and amazing. And I think this is a mistake that successful people often make, is that we judge the skills and habits that got us to where we are. And what that creates is this critical culture inside of our minds and our hearts where we hate what we became in order to get to where we are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And then we're in an uncomfortable place because now we're trying to grow from a place of hate. We're now trying to move forward from a place of pain. Rather than saying, actually, what got me here is beautiful. This raft is fantastic. It's brilliant. It's just not necessary anymore. And there's a beautiful Zen proverb that says that letting go is hard, but holding on is harder.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And so as I walk you through this today, I ask you to reflect on what are you holding on to? What is something that you know doesn't work anymore, but because of habit, because of pattern, because of routine, because of systems, whatever it may be for you, you've held on to it for maybe six months too long. maybe three months too long, maybe two years too long.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
There's something in your life that isn't letting you move forward because you're holding onto it, not because there's something in front of you, but because there's something behind you that you're stuck to and attached to. So before we define what purpose is, I want to define what purpose isn't. Your purpose does not have to be your job.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I think over the last few years, we've seen a lot of research and studies that makes it feel like if you can make money from something and you're good at it, that becomes your purpose. And I found that to be extremely limiting when I started to look at the research behind purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I also found it extremely limiting when I started to think about the number of people in the world who may never be able to achieve that. It was an idea that actually felt outdated and useless because it wouldn't be scalable. It wouldn't be possible for multiple people to experience purpose that way. Your purpose does not have to be big.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I think a lot of the times there's this pressure, especially if you've already been successful, that the next thing you do has to be bigger. The next thing you do has to be better. The next thing you do has to be bolder. And I've seen that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
waste people's money, time, energy, effort, and life away because the mismanaged resources of wanting to do bigger, better, more leads us down a different path. Your purpose does not have to make you money. Your purpose does not have to make you famous. And your purpose is not a person. This one's the hardest one to stomach.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And this one I only learned when I was writing my last book, Eight Rules of Love. I sat down with couples who'd been together for 30 or 40 years. And one of the clearest things I heard was at one point, someone in the relationship prioritized the kids as their purpose. But then 30 years on,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
when the kids had moved out, gone to college, started their own lives, felt like they didn't know what their purpose was anymore because their identity was wrapped around a person. And that's the hardest one because a person can become our purpose very easily. It becomes really easy to get fixated and wrapped up in an individual.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I'm so grateful you're here and I can't wait to dive into today's episode because we're talking about something that affects all of us. It's trending right now, it's buzzy right now. The thing that we all think about, longevity. Can we live a longer, healthier, more meaningful, more energetic life? Longevity isn't just about having more years, it's about having more life in your years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Maybe you've even done it in a toxic partnership where the person became your project. And because you see them as a project, you can see it as a purpose. But a person can't be your purpose. So as we dive into this and we start defining what purpose is, this study stood out to me the most.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And I'm going to go through this with you because this research showed who found the most meaning and purpose in life. The first was people who strongly agreed, which I think will be very easy in this room, people who strongly agreed that hard work is the reward. Hard work in and of itself. Now, I don't think I need to explain that to anyone in this room.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I feel everyone in this room feels very comfortable with that. So you can see that the percentage of people who strongly agree their life has meaning, they strongly agreed hard work was in itself the reward. The second one, again, very easy in this room, strong belief in personal agency, that your behaviors and your actions actually make a difference.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
that you know that what you decide to do, what you choose to do, what you invest in has value. Again, I feel a sense of contentment in this room on those two. Am I right? Give me a show of hands if you agree that the first two feel like wins. Put your hands up if the first two do not feel like wins. And put your hand up if you don't put your hand up no matter what I say. Thank you for the honesty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
There's one honest person in this room. Thank you so much. First two, we're pretty clear on. Third one, again, highly emphasizes personal responsibility, a sense of personal responsibility. And the reason why I'm sharing these with you is because for those of you who have children or have young people in your lives,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I think these three are often what so many Gen Z and millennials are struggling with. The feeling that personal agency exists, the feeling that responsibility matters, the feeling that hard work can be the reward. You may have mastered it, but the people around you may actually be struggling with this. And our desire to coddle in society may be losing that effect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
So those three may be for people in your life, may not for you. The last three... are my three favorites for this room. The last three are the ones I want you to bring your attention to. High compassion. People who had more meaning and purpose in their life were highly compassionate. That's a really fascinating one. And I'll break down what I mean by that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Often what we find is when we, how many of you have done hard things in your life? Raise your hands if you believe you've done hard things. Right. What often happens is when we do hard things, we become more hard-hearted.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
As we do harder things, as we break boundaries, as we define limits, what often happens is we create a sense of a feeling that we've done hard things and other people should be able to do them too. that often that what we've done, somewhere subtly, subconsciously, there's a belief system that other people need to step up and get their act together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And it may not be as harsh or extreme as that, but there's a subtle feeling of how doing hard things makes us slightly hard-hearted. But actually what we realize is that the people that are happier and have meaning and purpose in life, they've found that doing hard things made them more soft-hearted. Why? Because they realize how hard it is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
They actually recognize how difficult it is to be disciplined, to be focused, to be organized, to be dedicated, to be committed, to be loyal. That is so challenging. That when you meet someone who's struggling with those things, you actually feel compassionate because you realize, you take a moment to honor how hard it was for you to do it. And this is a really intricate, subtle point.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
The challenge we have with being compassionate to others as high performers is because we struggle with compassion with ourselves. How many of you know that showing yourself a little more grace and kindness would be a useful asset in your life?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I recently had the incredible opportunity to speak at the Longevity Summit, where I shared insights on how mindset, habits and purpose play a crucial role in how we age. In this episode, I'm breaking down the science-backed habits, mindset shifts and daily routines that can help us not only extend our years, but make those truly the best years of our life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
So fascinating to me. As high performers, you are really confident and really critical, right? It's like this crazy in-between that you experience. If you can walk into the room and you can know you can own it, and when you walk out of the room, you're criticizing yourself of how you didn't own it, right? That's what it means to be a high-performing individual. That's how it works.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
But the challenge becomes that we lose our compassion with ourselves. And meaning and purpose are far more tied to compassion than criticism. They're far more tied to collaboration than competition. They're far more tied to care and kindness than they are to competing with someone else or comparing ourselves to someone else. So high compassion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And I leave this with you for this section of think about over the next 24 hours where you can show some compassion to yourself and where you can show some compassion to anyone else. Try for the next 24 hours when someone shares their story with you and in your head you're thinking, come on, get over it, come on. It's not that bad. Come on, it's not that bad. I'll tell you a story, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And I'm sure you have legitimate stories. Take a moment to see where in your own heart you've blocked some compassion for yourself. This one is my favorite point out of all of them, the fifth point on this list. People who had a strong sense of meaning and purpose in their life, low envy. Envy was extremely low, right? Now I can't wait for a Darshan at Next Health to invent a envy marker, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I'm waiting for a Darshan. You got to find a way to measure this envy marker inside all of us and give yourself a score. But it's what we need because you know this better than I do. And I'm sure you know people. We know people who've achieved everything you could possibly want to achieve and still feel envious.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I remember sitting down with a client who was the number one person in his industry at the time. And I remember sitting down for my first meeting with him. And when I'm doing my purpose analysis, kind of like what you do with your doctor's analysis and your bloods and everything else, I did my analysis and I often ask the question, who are you envious of? So I don't ask, who's your competition?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I ask, who are you envious of? And this person who is number one in their field, global icon, world known, one of the most well-known people in the entire planet, named another person who is number one in their industry. in a completely different industry, not in their field, in a completely different field. And I was sitting there completely confused. And I was thinking, why, how?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Like you have everything that that person has, like whether it's finances, whether it's physical appeal, whether it's attracting, you know, a partner, whatever it is, you have all those same superpowers that I see in that individual. And I asked them, why? Why are you envious of that person? And they said, because I feel that that person is loved fully. That that person is fully loved.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And I said, well, you haven't checked Reddit or Twitter for a while. There's no one who is loved fully in the world. That's just not true. There's no one. And it was just a really fascinating thing for me about how no matter how high you go, high envy... is a cancer that will destroy everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
It will eat up all the goodness in your life, whether it's a beautiful partner, family, job, work, impact, service. That envy piece destroys all of it. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
So whether you're in your 20s, 40s or beyond, this episode is for you. It's never too early and it's never too late to start making changes that can transform your future. I can't wait for you to hear this keynote. Let's get into it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. Now it is a tough one because the challenge is we automatically look at it as negative. And that belief that we have, again, we go into that hypercritical mindset. We judge ourselves for being envious.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
We get critical. Oh gosh, I've got so much envy inside of me, right? And that mindset, that guilt blocks growth. I think this is a really important point, that guilt blocks growth. Shame blocks growth. Guilt and shame are not great incentivizers long-term in order for us to experience transformation. So what do we do with our envy? With our envy, we lean into it. What are we genuinely envious of?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Let's actually study our envy. Let's actually take note of it. Is it a signal? Is it a sign? What is it showing us? What are we specifically envious about that person? My client, going back to them, they were envious of this person because they believed that they were fully loved.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
As soon as I started showing them how they weren't, all of a sudden their envy started to break because they'd built up an imagination and a visual and a concept of who this person was beyond the truth. It was an illusion version of who this person was and what they'd achieved. It wasn't real. What's the illusion that you need to burst to burst your envy? We always talk about that, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
We will say that people on Instagram, it's just their highlight reels. It's not their real life. We hear that again and again and again. But internalizing that with the person that we admire, what is it about them that we truly envy? What does that show us about what we want to pursue in our life? Because maybe there's something for us to learn and gain and study.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And that leads us onto the last one, which is common. People with high meaning and purpose admire high achievers. 63% of those people who felt meaning and purpose in their life admire high achievers. What can our envy teach us?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
What is your envy exposing as a potential goal for you, as a potential focus for you, as a potential pathway for you that you're actually blocking yourself off from because we're judging ourselves for being envious? So notice these are the shifts And I think anytime you're not feeling meaning or purpose in life, this is a great marker and metric to come back down to. Am I feeling high or low envy?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Is there a place I can improve my compassion and increase my compassion? How can I study the person I might be envious of? Where is that going to come from? Where am I going to learn that from? Rather than putting it aside.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
So what I want to share with you is I looked at this, I looked at some more research, and I came up with five checking systems that each and every one of us can do in our lives. You can do this with your family and friends without asking someone what's your envy level, which may be a bit intimidating. language that may be a bit more palatable and easy to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And I'm going to give you five markers that you can check. Check in with yourself, check in with others to see if they're going. And I've been working with people to figure out how many of the five that they have in order to feel a 360-degree level of purpose in their life. Now, I want to start off with belonging. So the first is belonging.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
All the people that had purpose in their life had a deep sense of belonging. Now, belonging is something we often turn to our families for, but that's because we become more and more isolated from community living. We know that, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Many, many years ago, we would have been surrounded by bigger families, supportive families, would have helped each other out with the kids, would have helped each other out with cooking. There was far more. Now we're getting more and more isolated. I live a 10-hour flight away from my mom and a 20-hour flight away from my dad, right? I'm in a city. I lived in New York for two years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I've lived in LA for six years. I don't have any family in either of these places. I'm isolated. We have friends, of course, but there was a sense of we've moved away. So belonging on a family level isn't enough when we're looking at the term belonging for purpose. Belonging was, do I feel a part of something bigger? Do you feel like you're a part of something bigger?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
YPO is a place of belonging, right? This is a place of belonging. That's why you're here. And I encourage you to make it a deeper place of belonging by encouraging vulnerable conversation. I recently went on a retreat with around 16 people, mix of industries, athletes, artists, musicians, to Bhutan. It was an amazing trip, really, really special.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
If you've not been to Bhutan, I highly recommend it. It's famously known for measuring GNH, gross national happiness, not GDP. We got to meet the king and understand his vision, got to meet the former prime minister to understand how they've maintained a country that really feels like you're going back in time, but has held on to its cultural values. You're not allowed to...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
You're not allowed to ski on the peaks or try and climb them. They'll always make sure that the ratio of trees on land is 70%. They won't cut below that because they believe that the trees and the mountains are sacred. There's a really special culture there that they've been able to hold on to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Remember, Bhutan is landlocked between India and China, right in between a tiny little country surrounded by these two big powerhouses. And they've really held on to this culture. And I was asked to lead a session there to help people be more vulnerable. And I leave this with you to do throughout the rest of the day with people you're getting closer to, but to increase belonging.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I encourage you to answer this one question with maybe the person sitting next to you afterwards or maybe someone at lunch or wherever it may be. This, I promise you, will drop the walls, escalate vulnerability and closeness and belonging like no other question. The question is, what is the number one thing in the world that you're scared of being judged for?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
What is the number one thing in the world that you fear judgment of? The person you've revealed that to now has a secret weapon. So be careful who you share it with. But it's a really powerful thought. There's an amazing author named Charles Horton Cooley who wrote this in the 1900s. He said, the challenge today is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I am what I think you think I am. Let that blow your mind for a moment. He said, the challenge today is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am. Let me break that down. Which means we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves. If I think you think I'm smart, I feel smart. But if I think you think I'm weak, then I feel weak.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
We allow what we think others think of us to define how we think about ourselves. And we live in what he called the looking glass self. We live in this kind of perception matrix for our whole lives, never really bursting the bubble and breaking out of it. So belonging can only exist when it's not based on fitting in. Belonging can only exist when we're actually our truest selves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Belonging can only exist if we are truly open and vulnerable because otherwise all you have is a culture of people pleasing. So belonging for a lot of us has ended up in people pleasing because we say the right thing, we do the right thing, we wear the right thing so that we can fit in. We say the right thing so that we can fit in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
but we don't feel belonging because we don't feel seen, heard, and understood because we've never shared that part of ourselves. So that's belonging. Belonging is feeling a part of something bigger and being a part of something bigger. YPO is a great place to actually experience that and to develop that and to invest in that. And what's really interesting is a few, probably about 10 years ago,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I was reading something that was talking about how what was important in society was defined by the height of a building. So back in the day, a few decades back, the tallest building in a town or a city was the church or a temple or a place of worship. And that was considered a place of belonging and community, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
No matter our views on religion, that was the hope, or at least that was the goal. That then changed to being the government building, the Capitol building. That became the tallest building in town. That became the thing that we looked towards for direction. Again, less belonging, bit more private. And then now the tallest building is the businesses, the skyscrapers. no belonging whatsoever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
So you can see how society, just by what we've built as the tallest building, is switched in our priority of belonging and community through to business and commerce and exchange and transaction. And so in our own lives, we have to ask ourselves, where is my belonging? Where is that tallest building in my life? What is the tallest building in my life? Thank you
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Thank you so much. Good morning, everyone. It's wonderful to see you all. It's always relieving when your doctor introduces you on stage. It's a new experience for me, but thank you, Darshan, for being a dear friend and an incredible doctor to me personally. I'd like to start off, as Darshan said, with a grounding meditation to get us all in this space. How many of you
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
have been travelling lately, maybe you've got travel plans this summer, and you're thinking to yourself, I really hope that I can capture these memories with my loved ones and family, that you want to keep them inside of you, you want to take a mental picture. So what I'm going to guide you through today is a practice that I love to share.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
that we can use to take a mental picture wherever we are in the world. So when you're with your children, when you're with your partner, when you're with your friends and loved ones, how can you take that experience with you everywhere for the rest of your life? So what I'd love to do is I'd love for you to keep your feet firmly grounded in case you have them crossed over.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I'd love for you to put your phones away. It's not that kind of a meditation. And I'd love for you to release anything from your hands, whether it's pens, notebooks, whatever else it may be, so that you can truly be free.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a a Right? The day after the biggest win of their life didn't have any clue as to what to do. And they just moved on to the next and moved on to the next and moved on to the next. And we all do that. I've done that too.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And I started to realize at one point that nothing would ever feel like I wanted it to because I didn't know how to experience my own significance and the significance of the people I love. And the final one is service. There's a beautiful study by Amy Vrzniewski and the team at the Yale School of Management. I don't know if I'm allowed to say Yale in this building, but I just did.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Her team in 2019 went out to research what they believed was the most difficult job in the world. Have a guess. Any guesses? Most difficult job in the world, 2019. Parent. They were looking for a paid full-time job, so not parent, although I agree. Teacher? Hospice, closer. Uber driver, nurse, closer. President, no. Social worker, all very close, all in the right, so.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Healthcare is the right direction. So the answer is hospital cleaners. They believed that the most difficult job in the world was to be a hospital cleaner. Remember, this was 2019 pre-pandemic. So you can only imagine how difficult it was during the pandemic. So they went and interviewed hospital cleaners. And they sat down with them and asked them, what do you do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And the hospital cleaner said, we clean beds, we clean toilets, we clean plates, we clean up after people use these things, and we clean up after people pass away. It's an intense job. But they described themselves as low-skilled labour, in their own words. They then went and interviewed more cleaners, but these cleaners used different words.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
These cleaners described themselves as healers, as carers, as servers. These cleaners, or healers, should I say, got paid the exact same amount as the cleaners. They worked the same hours in the same hospitals and had the same shifts. But somehow they saw themselves as healers when the others saw themselves as cleaners. So they asked the healers, why? Why do you call yourself healers?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And they said, because we believe that keeping the hospital clean is integral to the healing journey of the patient. We believe that if the toilets are clean and the beds are clean, people feel a sense of dignity in difficult times in their life. We believe that if the hospital rooms are clean, that people's families will spend more time with them in their difficult time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
We believe that if the spaces are clean, then overall it boosts the person's morale and confidence in their healing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Amy Wisniewski and her team coined a word called job crafting, where they realized that it wasn't what we did. It's how we felt about what we did. And this is the biggest key to meaning and purpose. How do we feel our work is improving and benefiting the lives of others? And how closely are we connected to that story in a genuine way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
When you look up from your phones and look beyond your spreadsheets and look beyond our laptops and look beyond our flight schedules and everything else, When we really reflect on how is our life having a positive impact on the lives of others? How is it creating opportunities for others? Let me really internalize that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Let it not be a statement on the website or a check I write at the end of the year. How is that the core compass of how I navigate my entire world? And so I leave you with this. I call it the bliss formula for purpose. Joseph Campbell famously said, follow your bliss.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I've always been struggling to figure out exactly what that meant, but he pointed us in the right direction and I feel a bit closer now. belonging, learning, individuality, significance, and service. Thank you so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
If this year you're trying to live longer, live happier, live healthier, go and check out my conversation with the world's biggest longevity doctor, Peter Attia, on how to slow down aging and why your emotional health is directly impacting your physical health.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Thank you for holding that space for each other. And thank you for holding on to your coughs. I know it can be hard. Some of you ruined it a little bit, but the rest of you, thank you so much. So as Darshan said, today we're talking about searching for purpose. And it's a really interesting quest that we're on, searching for purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And as I was putting this together, I was often thinking about what else do we search for often? And I was thinking about how much time we spend searching for what to watch every night. My wife and I did this yesterday evening, and we sat there and watched roughly two minutes and 29 seconds of seven different shows, and then gave up and went to bed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And so I Googled it this morning, saying, how much time do we spend every morning or every day or every year searching for what to watch? And the answer is 45 hours. 45 hours a year are spent deciding what to watch. And I was thinking, what if we put that 45 hours into searching for purpose, right? All of us, we're busy people, we don't have time. It's very hard to find that five minutes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
We just did a five-minute meditation. It can be very challenging. But we spend about seven minutes a day wasted on deciding what to watch, 45 hours a year. And that time just disappears. What if we were able to redirect that? Now, what's really interesting about the word purpose, and Darshan and I were just talking about this, I think so many of us know what it feels like to chase success.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
It felt very tangible. It felt very obvious. There were clear markers. There were clear things to measure. There was clear data. the promotion, the company, the exit, right? There were clear points, there were clear milestones as to how we get there. And I think we know that, we understand that. We were trained since we were young people to be successful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
It was part of our DNA, it was part of the college you went to, the parents you had, the people you were around. And then at one point, everyone started to talk about happiness. And that was completely the opposite. There were no milestones, there was no data, there were no metrics, and it was kind of confusing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And then we started to realize that happiness wasn't as tangible and holdable, and it was a feeling, and maybe happiness was a hard thing to look for in difficult times. Maybe you went through the loss of a loved one. Maybe you went through a really uncomfortable process giving birth to a child.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Maybe there was just loads of discomfort and difficulty, and happiness just feels like a very far-off, distant thing to even understand. And I think purpose and what I aim to do today is to start helping define the measurable, the milestones, the formula of what it could be, what it might be. It's not perfect yet. We're not there yet. We don't have the level of clarity because it's new.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
We're still figuring it out. The research is new. But we do know that it helps reduce stress. We do know that it has positive markers when it comes to inflammation. We do know that people who have purpose in life live longer. So how can we start to understand what purpose is tangibly in a physical way that we can feel it, not in a woo-woo way, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Not in a way that's like, oh yeah, one day it'll be nice, wouldn't it? But no, what does it actually mean? I want to start off by sharing with you a story that I was often told in the monastery, and it's a story that the Buddha would tell. And the Buddha often shared this story about an individual who was on a journey. an individual just like you and me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
This person on their journey came across their first obstacle. Now, their first obstacle was not millennials. Their first obstacle was not annoying board members, and their first obstacle was not how to get investment. This person's first obstacle was a fast-flowing river. and the person had to cross to the other side to continue their journey.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Now this person didn't know what to do, but he knew that the river was fast. So he decided to build a raft. So he got bamboo, he laid it out, put down two rows, tied it up with some rope in the corners, He even managed to make himself an oar. He got on top and he paddled and paddled and paddled as fast as he could with all his energy and all his strength and all his might.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And he finally made it to the other side. And he thought to himself, this raft saved my life. I'm going to take it with me everywhere I go for the rest of time. Now, I'm sure you can think of things in your life that feel that way. So he strapped the raft to his back, and he decided to walk with this raft on his back forever because this raft saved his life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And just like us, he came to another challenge. Now, his second challenge was not an IPO. His second challenge was a tall, wooded forest with trees dotted at every step. And as he walked in with his raft, the raft just kept getting stuck and he was trying to maneuver and he was trying to get through and he was trying to figure it out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And the raft just kept knocking and chipping and breaking and falling apart. And the Buddha says that in this moment, this person had a really interesting dilemma and an important decision to make. The question the person had to answer was, Do they hold on to this raft that saved their life and try and make their way through, knowing that not only will it be harder, but the raft may even break?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
What's your local version of movement? Not doing it leads to never winning. Starting small guarantees winning and especially more important than winning, it guarantees you're building your confidence. I find most of us, we don't do things because we don't feel confident. We feel, well, what's it going to do? What's the value? And therefore we have to build our confidence to that level.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism give you a natural kick of caffeine combat stress pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function even better juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can we believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Now I want to share something with you that is kind of counterintuitive, but I love it. It's called the reverse gratitude shift. Here's the experiment. Instead of listing what you're grateful for, which I'm sure you've been asked to do a million times, and maybe you've done it, maybe you haven't done it. If it hasn't worked for you, try this. List three things you'd hate to lose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
And then realize you still have them and how you feel about that. Sometimes I find that when we're saying like, oh, I'm grateful for the day. I'm grateful for the sky. I'm grateful for whatever it may be. It doesn't hit hard. It doesn't hit home. But when you think, wait a minute, what would I hate to lose? oh my gosh, I'm so grateful. I am so grateful that I have that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
I'm so thankful that I have that. Wow, I'm so lucky. This reverses your brain's perspective. Instead of, yeah, I guess I'm grateful for my home, you feel the deep relief of, wow, I still have my home. It makes gratitude hit way deeper. upgrade it and say each one out loud for extra emotional impact. I think it's so important to speak these things into existence, the thankfulness, the gratitude.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
I really hope that you're going to come and see me. If you want to know where to come, head over to www.jshetty.me forward slash forward slash tour. That's www.jshetty.me forward slash tour. I can't wait to see you in the audience. Now, today I wanted to talk about how we set our day up for success, how we set ourselves up for success.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Notice how positive thinking is just like, yeah, I'm feeling great. I'm doing good. And you know, it doesn't stack up. So as you can see, I'm walking through from waking up Stepping outdoors for a second, cold shock reset in the shower, drinking a little bit of water, a movement, a gratitude moment. And now when you're about to eat, I call this the first bite ritual. Here's the experiment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Take one slow, intentional bite of your first meal while thinking about something you're grateful for. then chew the rest slowly without distractions. There's a really, really interesting phrase in Ayurveda, which is the science of health from India. And it says we should drink our food, drink our solids and chew our drinks. Let me say that again. Drink your food and chew your drinks.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Does that make any sense? Let me break it down. What does it mean when it says drink your food? It means we should bite our food to the point where it's close enough to liquid. Why do we do this? It's easier on our digestion. If any of you are having gut issues, digestive issues, I found two things make a massive difference. Slow down your eating. Put the knife and fork down in between each bite.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Don't keep a hold of them. Slow down the pace of eating. Most of us are scoffing down a burrito, whatever it may be, eating as fast as we can, trying to finish up the plate, get back to work, get to this, get to that. That's what's causing bloating, indigestion. Maybe you're getting heartburn. Maybe you're getting acid reflux. Slow down your eating process.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
And number two, try and bite each morsel of food 16 to 32 times.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
count while you do it it will naturally slow down the process and you'll be able to drink that food it makes it easier on your digestion your stomach's now not complaining it's not reacting badly and when it says to it says drink your foods because you've chewed it down that much and then it says chew your drinks what does that mean when you're drinking instead of just gulping it down instead of just taking it down as quickly as you can chew your drink almost taste it
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
deeply, properly, closely, and all of a sudden you're digesting that better too. And if you really want to mix it up, you want to try something new, eat with your non-dominant hand. It forces your brain to focus and be present and reset as well. Now I want to share one more tip. This one is called the future you signal. Here's the experiment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Put on one item of clothing or an accessory that your future self would wear. Something that makes you feel unstoppable. So it's almost like when you think about it, when Clark Kent takes off his glasses, right? Or when some people put them on, they become someone. Why it works. This is enclosed cognition. Your brain adapts its behavior based on what you're wearing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Dress for the energy you want to embody. And if you upgrade it, as you put it on, say, I'm stepping into my next level. What is it? What clothing? Is it a pair of shoes? Is it a jacket? Is it a smaller item like a bracelet or a ring? What is it that makes you step into your future self, that reminds you of that future self?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Allow it to be something physical, something tangible that you can see, because all of a sudden you start to see the impact. of how it changes you. And you're reminded of that throughout the day, especially as the day gets more difficult, whatever it may be, it can be huge. And I want to throw one more in there. I call this the identity download. Here's the experiment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Instead of journaling about your goals, write a three-sentence manifesto of the person you're becoming. Here's an example. I'm the kind of person who moves through life with clarity and courage. My energy is magnetic and I attract the right opportunities effortlessly. Today I show up as my highest self. Now what's the difference between that and positive thinking?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
It's about changes in who you are, not in how the day will go. Positive thinking is almost like it's going to be a great day. The day may not be great. but you can still be great. And I think that's the difference with positive thinking. Positive thinking says, today's going to be a great day. Everything's going to go really well. Not true. Today could be a really tough day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
How many times have you had it where halfway through the day you say to yourself, this isn't working out? It's not going my way today. It's another write-off. How many times at the end of the day have you said to yourself, I didn't get through it today. I didn't get enough done. It wasn't the right day. It didn't work out. Hopefully tomorrow. Hopefully next week. Hopefully next month.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Everything could be really hard, but you can still be great. I can be great on a bad day. That's what we want to build. That's the muscle that we're trying to strengthen. And why does it work? The brain clings to identity over goals. Listen to that carefully. The brain clings to identity over goals. If you keep telling yourself who you are,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Instead of what you want, you naturally act in alignment with that identity. Let me say this again. Your brain clings on to identity over goals. So you may say, I want to build something successful. but I'm not good enough, right? So your identity is I'm not good enough. Your goal is I want to build something successful. Notice the lack of alignment. Now listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
If you keep telling yourself who you are instead of what you want, you naturally act in alignment with that identity. I am a focused, productive individual. That's naturally going to get you to your goal, right? That leads to your goal. And you can read it out loud for more conviction. The identity download should not be underestimated. We always say, I want this. I want this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
I wish this would happen. I'm hoping this works out. No, I am. But what is following I am? If you're always saying, I'm not good enough. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm just all over the place. but then I want this. So we're focused more on what we want than who we are, but who we are gets us what we want. I hope that you internalize that in today's message.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
When I think about my morning routine, I think about four steps. T-I-M-E, time. Thankfulness, inspiration, meditation, and exercise. These four steps are how you should structure your morning routine. What's your thankfulness habit? We talked about the benefits of gratitude. What's your inspiration habit? The future you signal and the identity download. What's your meditation habit?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Similar to those with the first bite and the anti-gratitude reset or the reverse gratitude reset. And then finally exercise, that power shift.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
that will get you right every morning that you try it and all i want you to do is try one of these for this week then the next week add another one then the next week add another one do not add all of these this week because it won't work so just try one maybe you're going to try the 30 seconds in the shower maybe you're going to try getting that sunlight in the morning Make it simple.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Make it stick. Make it easy. Thank you so much for listening. I'm always rooting for you. I'm forever in your corner. Please leave a review. Please share this episode. I want to see what's sticking out to you. Share on your stories. Share your best favorite audio moments on TikTok. I can't wait to see how it's resonated. And I look forward to you listening to another episode today, tomorrow, soon.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Remember, we have new episodes coming out every single week, multiple new episodes, and you have six years worth to go back on. Some of your favorite guests have been on before and you may not even know. So go and take a look through the library. Thank you for being here. See you soon. Thank you so much for listening to this conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
If you enjoyed it, you'll love my chat with Adam Grant on why discomfort is the key to growth and the strategies for unlocking your hidden potential. If you know you wanna be more and achieve more this year, go check it out right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Hopefully next year. We postpone our greatness and success every single day. Why is that? It's because we don't often set ourselves up for success. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're like, Jay, I am a positive thinker. I do think that tomorrow is going to be a better day and I do want it to be a better day. Well, here's the reality. Positive thinking doesn't work. It's about habits.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
It's about systems. It's about processes. The biggest mistake we've made over the last few decades is we think it's all about positive thinking. And this idea has created somewhat of a barrier for people. For the people that don't believe it anyway, they think it's a weakness of personal growth and self-development.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
And for the people who believe it, you're doing it and you're wondering, wait a minute, I was feeling positive about tomorrow. Why wasn't it a good day? Because we have this underlying belief that if I think positive, then tomorrow will be great. If I think good, tomorrow will be great. It's not how it works.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
The way we set ourselves up for success is by the habits we choose, the systems we build, and the practices we focus on. That can transform your entire day. I have found... That I can conquer my day if I master my morning. And you can too. You can conquer your day if you master your morning. Your morning can either set you up for success or set you up for failure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Your morning can either build you up for greatness or lead you towards weakness. Your morning is the divining factor of how your day is going to go. It's almost like the first quarter of a game. right? For anyone who watches sports, you've got four quarters in the United States and you've got four quarters of your day, your first quarter. You want to set yourself up for success.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Now, of course, you can have a comeback, right? You can be down in the first quarter, down in the second quarter and have an unbelievable comeback, but that requires so much from you. What if you could set yourself up for an amazing game? if you had an amazing first quarter.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
That's what today is all about, how to master your morning so that you're not tired, unproductive, or overthinking for the rest of the day. The first step that I wanna share with you is what I call a dopamine detox dose. Here's your experiment that I wanna set for you. Before reaching for your phone, sit in stillness for five minutes. No social media, no notifications, just breathing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Being conscious of your breath, letting yourself wake up naturally, your eyes opening gently. Take that time. So many of us rush our brains, rush our minds into an awake state before we're even ready. We wake up with a jolt or a shock thinking that we're ready for the day when actually we're shocking and jolting our brains. I've never really liked the word alarm or alert.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Why would you want to wake up to an alarm, an alarm alarm? sets off your cortisol levels, right? If you hear an alarm, you think, I've got to get out of here. There's fire. There's some problem. I hate the word alarm. I want us to stop using the word alarm. Don't wake up to an alarm. Wake up to an intention. Wake up to an energy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
When we pick up our phones first thing in the morning, it's like letting 100 people into the bedroom of your mind at that time. You would never let 100 people Walk into your bedroom in the morning before you brush your teeth, before you put your makeup on, before you were ready for the day, before you showered.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Wake up to a sound that creates a sense of synchronicity and serenity in your life. Find that sound. Find that tone. and see how your day changes. When we pick up our phones first thing in the morning, it's like letting 100 people into the bedroom of your mind at that time. You would never let 100 people
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Walk into your bedroom in the morning before you brush your teeth, before you put your makeup on, before you were ready for the day, before you showered. But every day we let a hundred notifications, news stories, updates, messages walk into the bedroom of our mind. Think about that for a second.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Imagine 100 people, the people from work, your family, your friends, everyone walked into your bedroom in the morning and started telling you everything. Your work colleague was like, that project's due right now. Sounds like an email you probably got. Your boss walks in and says, hey, where were you last Friday? Did you get that report done?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
All of a sudden, that sounds like a message you got as well. Then your mom's checking in with you. How was your weekend? I hope you're well. Then your friends are checking with you. How did your date go? I hope it was okay. Right? You've got all these things that you're waking up to. And chances are, You went to bed late. That dopamine detox can save you. Why?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Because it resets your brain's dopamine levels, reducing the need for instant gratification and helping you focus better throughout the day. So many of us don't realize that we all have something that's known as decision fatigue. It means the more decisions you make per day, the more tired you get of making decisions.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
And here's the thing, if you're making lots of small decisions in the morning, do I reply to this message? Do I need to check that email? Do I need to go and look on Instagram? Should I reply to this comment right now? What haven't I not posted?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
All of a sudden you're using up your brain's power for all of these small insignificant decisions that by the time it gets to the morning in the middle of the day where you may actually have to make some bigger decisions in life, you have lowered your ability, energy, and capacity to actually do that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Don't waste all of your decision, focus, and energy on small, insignificant, irrelevant decisions. So what I want to do here is a dopamine detox with a dopamine swap. I want to give you a better way of getting dopamine. Here's the experiment. Step number two, step outside within 10 minutes of waking up and let the natural light hit your eyes. No sunglasses.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Morning sunshine signals to your brain that it's time to wake up, regulates your circadian rhythm, and boosts dopamine, the motivation chemical. And bonus tip, if you can't go outside, stand near a bright window or use a daylight lamp. I've been using the Hatch on darker days where the hatch has this beautiful light that comes on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
It doesn't feel like the harsh lights that you put on in your room or in your home or in your apartment. It mimics that of the sun coming in through your window. If you can do natural sunlight, obviously that's best. But this is a really beautiful start to the day. Get that dopamine for the sun. Notice how none of these things take too long. Don't look at your phone for five minutes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
But every day we let a hundred notifications, news stories, updates, messages, walk into the bedroom of our mind. Think about that for a second. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty. Ha ha. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host, Jay Shetty, and I'm so excited that you're back to listen, learn, and grow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Step outside for five minutes. That's all it takes. I promise you that when you give your mind that peace and quiet, that gentle awakening in the morning, it will set you up for success. Because now you're not stressed, you're not feeling pressure, you're not waking up with this feeling of already being behind. How many of you wake up feeling behind? It's not your fault.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
The world will make you feel that way. You wake up and you've already got 29 messages and you're thinking, I'm so behind. Taking that five minute gap in the morning resets your brain to say, I'm not behind. I'm actually going to be able to be more productive, more decisive, more effective because I'm not rushing. When you're rushing, you make mistakes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
When you're peaceful, you make better decisions. When you're rushing around, you forget stuff. When you take a moment to take a breath, you're going to remember everything you need to. Allowing yourself that space doesn't make you lose five minutes. It potentially could make you gain five hours back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Because think about how many things you rush through, break through, make mistakes on because you're just trying to get out of bed. Now, this one may be a bit challenging for you all, but I'm going to set it out because it can be amazing. It's called the cold shock reset. Here's the experiment. End your shower with around 30 seconds of cold water.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
And you can challenge yourself every week to increase the time daily from 30 seconds to 60 seconds, whatever it may be. And why do you do this? It boosts your mood. It improves circulation. It jump starts energy levels like a natural espresso shot. It's super simple. Listen to this. Cold exposure increases dopamine by 250%. It improves circulation and gives you an instant mental reset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
And if a full cold shower is too much for you, you can do the hot cold sandwich. Start warm, turn cold, and then go warm again. Just giving yourself that experience. So many of us are tired. We're feeling heavy. We're feeling drained. We're feeling overworked. And that cold shock reset for 30 seconds, just 30 seconds. That's all I'm asking you to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
I'm not telling you to do a cold plunge and sit in a tub for three to four minutes. A 30 seconds in the shower can totally revitalize you. Totally revitalize you. And then another hydration one. Instead of reaching for coffee first, drink a large glass of water with a pinch of sea salt, maybe a bit of lemon. And if you can do it at room temperature or warmer, that's even better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
And why does it work? After seven hours of sleep, your body feels dehydrated, which can make you feel groggy. And electrolytes from salt and vitamin C from lemon jumpstart hydration and energy. And if you're one of those people who really wants to go all the way, you can add a few drops of chlorophyll for an extra detox boost as well. That's how water can change your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
The 30 seconds in the shower and taking water before you take anything else. It's these tiny, small habits. that stop us from feeling like we're pulling ourselves through the day or pushing ourselves through the day. but actually we're able to perform and power through the rest of the day. It's these little things that affect our mood, affect our mindset, affect our body.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
We think, oh, wow, I'm not motivated. I'm not engaged. Yeah, that could be the case, but give yourself the best chemical chance. Give yourself the best biological chance to succeed and win throughout the day. Now, the next one is movement. The one move power shift. Here's the experiment. Do one explosive movement, jump squat, clap push up, high knee sprint in place for just 10 to 15 seconds.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
10 to 15 seconds. Jump squat, clap push up, high energy sprint in place for just 10 to 15 seconds. Then stand tall, take a deep breath and feel the energy surge. Why does it work? Just one high intensity move sends a surge of adrenaline, dopamine, and oxygen to your brain, like an instant shot without the crash.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
And if you want to upgrade it, you can pair it with a power phrase like, I'm built for this. Let's go. Let's do this. Whatever it is that works for you. One explosive movement can reset your energy. We underestimate the value of small changes and we overestimate the value of big steps. We think if I can't get a 30 minute workout, what is 10 to 15 minutes going to do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
As always, I'm so deeply grateful that you've taken out the time to connect here, and I hope you're loving all the episodes. It's so exciting that I'll actually be going out on tour with the podcast across North America this year. That means you can come and watch me live with a surprise guest, do an interview on stage, ask questions, and be a part of the show.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
What is 10 to 15 seconds going to do? I'll tell you this. You start doing 10 to 15 seconds and you feel the benefit. You want to do five minutes. You want to do 10 minutes. You want to do 15 minutes. That's how confidence builds. You do something that is achievable, that's manageable, that you win at, and then you want to win again and again and again. Think about it in any sport.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Someone didn't play Wimbledon on the first day of the tennis tour. They played their local tournament. Maybe they even started at their school. And then they upgraded all the way through to the Grand Slams. You look at the most amazing athletes on the planet. They didn't start their career at the Super Bowl. They didn't start their career at the World Cup. They played local.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
You used to feel that you wanted this constant feeling of living on the edge. Oh my God, when are they going to message back? Oh my gosh, when are they going to reply? Oh my God, what shall I tell them? Oh my God, when are they going to turn up? Oh my gosh, what are they going to do? Like you lived in that conscious state of anxiety, of drama, of uncertainty. And where did it get you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
left you heartbroken, left you lonely. In your 30s, you realize someone who messages on time, that's the kind of person I want to be with. In your 30s, you realize someone who turns up on time, who shows up for me. Yeah, that's the kind of person I want to be with. In your 30s, you recognize, oh yeah, that person who checks in with me. Oh, I really like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
I don't want someone who doesn't message back. I don't want someone who doesn't call to check in. I don't want someone who makes up excuses every time we were meant to do something. Sure, it felt exciting to pursue someone, to have the chase, to feel like they may or may not want you and figure that out. But in your 30s, you recognize, I want clarity. I want clarity over fake chemistry.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
I want spontaneity over a false spark. It's not that it has to get boring, but you realize the value in peace over drama. In your 20s, you might even have pursued drama. In your 30s, you pursue peace and avoid trauma. You know what it feels like. You don't want to invite that back into your life. In your 20s, you might have settled for comfort.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Maybe you even stayed in a relationship for too long. In your 30s, you're consciously holding out for the right fit. In your 20s, you might have settled, stayed somewhere for longer than you needed to, accepted less than you deserve because you were worried about being lonely. In your 30s, you recognize that being alone is a part of life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. Dating is hard, divorce is harder.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And actually, when you can feel comfortable in that discomfort, that's when you can truly find and attract someone into your life. In your 20s, you might settle for someone because they're good enough or because you don't want to be alone. In your 30s, you don't settle. You're clear that you'd rather be single than be in a relationship that doesn't feel right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
You've figured out that being alone is better than being in a relationship that doesn't meet your need. Right, for people who feel pain of being single, It's important to remember this. There's the pain of being single and the pain of being in the wrong relationship. And every time the pain of being in the wrong relationship is worse than the pain of being single.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
I know so many people who are married but want to be divorced. I know so many people that are engaged but don't look forward to their wedding. I know so many people that have been married for years and don't know a way out. That is so much harder than trying to find the right person. It's so much harder than trying to ask the right questions. It's so much harder than being curious.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Dating is hard, but divorce is harder, right? Think about that for a second. It's a lot harder. It's how the mind is always, the grass is greener on the other side. And there's the famous quote that says, the grass isn't greener on the other side, the grass is greener where you water it. And that's the shift I want you to take into your 30s. The grass is greener where you water it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Water it here, water it in your 30s. Stop thinking that your 20s were the best time to date. Not only are they not coming back, You don't live there anymore. So we don't want to keep our mind somewhere that we can't go back to and somewhere that we don't live, right? We can't even visit it again. It's not even like a vacation that you want to go back to because you had such a good time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Knowing that time is moving forward, don't focus on moving backwards.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Being with someone is hard, breaking up is harder. Being single is better than being with the wrong person. Being single is better than settling for the wrong person. And being single is better than settling for less than you deserve. the number one health and wellness podcast.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Dating is hard. Divorce is harder. Being with someone is hard. Breaking up is harder. Being single is better than being with the wrong person. Being single is better than settling for the wrong person. And being single is better than settling for less than you deserve. In your 20s, every breakup feels like the worst thing ever. In your 30s, you've recognized that you can bounce back stronger.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 20s, a breakup can feel like the end of the world. In your 30s, you waste less time wallowing. You focus on healing yourself. You recognize that it's more something you want to do for yourself than to get over someone else. In your 20s, you think healing is getting closure. In your thirties, you realize healing is building confidence.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your twenties, you feel healing requires an apology from them. In your twenties, you realize healing requires you to forgive yourself. In your twenties, healing means trying to get over someone else. In your thirties, healing means doing it for yourself. It's a really powerful place to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Because now every time you're healing, even if you are broken up with, even if you are mistreated, even if someone does take advantage of you, you're putting your energy and emphasis into yourself. You're using it. as an investment in yourself rather than an investment in someone else using brainpower or brain energy elsewhere. In your 20s, you overthink every detail.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 30s, you experience and enjoy the moment. In your 20s, you might overanalyze every text, every date, every comment, wondering if they're the one. And in your 30s, you slow down a little. I want you to slow down a little, even if you are feeling pressure. I want you to take that pressure off. I want you to experience it for what it is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And maybe as you've been listening to me, you're thinking, Jay, I'm not doing that in my 30s. I'm still feeling the pressure. Well, I want you to rise to this. In your 30s, you understand that relationships take time to unfold. You're cool with letting things develop naturally instead of rushing the process. This is how I want you to approach your 30s.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Anything I might say, you might even say, Jay, I don't really relate to that. I'm probably making the same mistakes. Well, this is what I want you to aspire for. This is what I want you to rise to because that's how you do the work. That's how you make a shift in your life. In your 20s, you are riding the highs. In your 30s, you keep things grounded.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 20s, you might get swept away in the excitement of the honeymoon phase and let the little things slide. In your 30s, you know the honeymoon phase fades, so you look for someone who can handle the lows as much as the highs. The best relationships are the ones that deal with the worst times in the best ways. Let me say that again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
The best relationships are the ones that deal with the worst times in the best ways. The best relationships are not the ones with always having the best times, having the best moments, having the best experiences. And in your 30s, you prepare for that. You prepare for that with your partner. You anticipate your first fight. You recognize how you handle disagreements.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
You think about it with that person. And if they don't want to think about that, then they're not your person. In your 30s, if someone doesn't treat you well, you don't work harder, you move on. In your 20s, you would have shifted, changed, molded, transformed yourself to be liked, to be treated better. You would have worked harder to be treated better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host, Jay Shetty, and I am so grateful that you're back here for another episode. Thank you so much for tuning in. And this is going to be an episode that you send to all your friends. Because I know so many people right now who are dating in their 30s, who are struggling
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 30s, if you're not treated better, you don't work harder, you move on. In your 30s, if people take advantage of you, you realize it's their loss. In your 20s, if people took advantage of you, you let them continue to do it because you believed it was your loss if they left. In your 30s, if they don't like something about you, you don't change yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 20s, you would have shapeshifted in order to make things work. The three things you need to be really attentive about in your 30s is be better at noticing love bombing. If someone comes on fast, slow it down. If someone comes on too strong, focus on building real strength. Don't let yourself be gaslit more than once. We all make mistakes. We all get fooled once. Don't get fooled twice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And remember, You are going to be a part of someone's healing and they're going to be a part of yours. Everyone's going to bring baggage in their 30s and so are you. You just want someone who's willing to help you unpack and let you unpack theirs. That's what you need.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
I really hope that this has re-inspired you for dating in your 30s, made you recognize that all the experiences you've had, all the challenges you've had, all the pains you've had have actually given you the insight, the lessons to not make the same mistakes. But it's your job to slow down and really reflect and take it in. Remember, I'm always in your corner and forever rooting for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Thanks for listening to On Purpose. If you enjoyed this podcast, you're going to love my conversation with Michelle Obama, where she opens up on how to stay with your partner when they're changing and the four check-ins you should be doing in your relationship. We also talk about how to deal with relationships when they're under stress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
If you're going through something right now with your partner or someone you're seeing, this is the episode for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Because the mindset that I'm old, that it's too late, that it should have happened earlier is the biggest block for them. The biggest thing blocking you back from dating and finding love in your 30s is that you think it's too late. You think it should have happened earlier. You think it should have happened in your 20s. You believe that for some reason, You're the last one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
You're late to the party. That somehow you missed something special that was meant to happen in your 20s. And I know a lot of people feel this way. That's why if you've ever felt this way or your friends have, this episode is for you. If you've got a friend out there who's just gone through a tough breakup, send this episode to them. If you've got a friend out there who's tired of online dating,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Send this episode to them. If you've got a friend out there, or if it's even you who's saying to themselves, or even if they're not saying it, that's the interesting thing, right? It's not that we're saying it, but we're thinking it. I'm too old. I missed something. It should have happened earlier. This episode is for you. The truth is you're not behind. The truth is, it's not too late.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In fact, your 30s can be one of the most empowering, transformative times in your life when it comes to relationships. And today I'm going to walk you through some of the mistakes we made in our 20s that we don't do anymore so that we recognize why our 30s can be powerful. And by the way, some of the mistakes that we may be carrying through into our 30s that we can avoid.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Before we begin, let's acknowledge something. Society feeds us this narrative, this timeline, that you should be dating by a certain age. You should be married by a certain age. You should have had kids by a certain age. But we all know that that timeline isn't even necessary. We all work at different paces. We all find what's meaningful to us at different times.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And the research actually backs it up. According to a 2022 study by the Pew Research Center, the average age for first marriages has been steadily increasing. For men, it's now 30 years old, and for women, it's around 28. The study also found that nearly half of adults aged 18 to 44 in the US are single.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And the number of people getting married in their 30s and even 40s has risen significantly in the last few decades. So if you're in your 30s and still not married, it's not a red flag. It's actually becoming more and more common.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And research published by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships in 2021 also highlights that people in their 30s are better equipped for successful long-term relationships. This is because by the time we reach this age, we're more self-aware, have a better understanding of what we want, and have more emotional maturity to navigate the complexities of romantic relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And that's a really big point there. There is no substitute for emotional maturity. Long-term relationships require one thing and one thing only, maturity. And you can't substitute that. You can't manufacture that in your 20s. There was also something else that I read that was fascinating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
A study published by the National Bureau of Economic Research found that people who marry later in life are happier in their marriages. Specifically, couples who marry in their 30s report higher levels of satisfaction, less stress, and a stronger emotional connection. What's the reason? They've had more time to figure out their needs and find a partner who's truly compatible.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
I'm sharing that with you because I think we underestimate We truly underestimate the power of what our 30s has. And another study by the University of California, Berkeley, revealed that people who marry later tend to be healthier. They report lower levels of depression and anxiety and have better overall well-being. So let's really reframe the idea that you're behind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Let's really reframe that thing that's stopping us from actually finding love at this moment in our life. In our 20s, we're figuring out who we are. In our 30s, we're being clear about who we want. You're still trying to figure out who you are in your 20s, your deal breakers, your red flags, your type, and whether you're into long-term or casual relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 30s, you know what you want, whether it's a relationship, casual dating, or just being on your own. You've got your deal breakers locked in. You've spent time figuring out what you want because you've been through plenty of bad experiences.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
I think it's really interesting how if you remember one of the first people you had a long-term relationship with, they just felt like the right person. not because you actually knew, but because you'd just been with them for a long amount of time. And it's really interesting to me how the time bias creeps in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
If you've been with someone for a year and they're your first serious relationship, you assume they must be the one. Whereas in your 30s, when you've been with someone for a year, even if it's feeling positive, there's a part of you that wants to build on that. There's a part of you that wants to be clear about what you want.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 20s, even if you're not, you're going to find people who are playing games. The difference is in your 30s, you're playing it straight, right? In your 20s, if someone was playing games with you, you had to kind of figure out how to play games with them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Maybe you stayed up all night trying to decode every text, or maybe you wanted to make sure you didn't come on too strong or stay too distant. If someone played games with you, you had to find a way to play games back. Maybe you were even the one who started the games. But in your 30s, you're slowly getting that confidence to say what you mean.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
You're getting the confidence to be into someone and be honest with them. You also get the confidence to say, this isn't for me. It's simpler, right? In your 20s, you either shifted, you pivoted, you molded, you played along. This time it's game over. And I think that's a superpower. You've outgrown the dating games. You don't have time to waste on mixed signals or mind games.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And that's a really thing to be really important to take into consideration. In your 20s, people played games with you so you had to learn to play the game. In your 30s, you play it straight so it's game over. There's no more room for games. Now, in your 30s, you're still figuring out who you are, but I promise you, you're more clear on who you want.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
You're clearer because you know the mistakes you've made. And this may take a second to shift from self-discovery to self-assurance, but I encourage you to do it. Reflect on the mistakes you make. Reflect on the bad decisions you made in your twenties. Take a moment to make a list of all the men you dated in your twenties that weren't right for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Take a moment to reflect on the women you dated that weren't the one for you. Why did you make that mistake? What did you get misled by? Was it their aura? Was it their charisma? Was it their talent? What was it about that person that distracted you away from your values? And that's the other thing. In your 30s, you have a stronger take on what your values are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
You have a stronger understanding and commitment to what your values are because you know what it feels like when you trade your values. You compromised your values in your 20s. You allowed yourself to be controlled in your 20s. You allowed someone to compare you to someone else in your 20s. In your 30s, you're committed to your new set of values.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 30s, you're committed to not being controlled, to not being played with. There's a superpower in that, and I don't want you to lose sight of it. In your 20s, you ignored red flags. In your 30s, you're starting to trust your gut. In your 20s, you might ignore the little red flags, or you tell yourself you can change them later. In your 30s, you realize red flags are deal breakers.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And if something feels off, you trust your gut and move faster. One of the biggest realizations in your 30s is you've learned the hard way that ignoring warning signs only wastes time. Trusting your instincts saves you drama. The big lesson here is in your 30s, you've realized one thing. People don't change for people. People don't change for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
They change for themselves if they want to, when they want to. You can't change anyone else. You can't change someone. You can't change their priorities. You can't change their likes and dislikes. You can't change their focus. You can't change their ambition. You can't change their drive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 20s, you convinced yourself that you could change what that person aspired to be, that you could edit, you could mold, you could in some way inspire them to become different. In your 30s, you realize that that's a person. They're not a project. They're a person, not a project. They're a human, not someone that has to become a high performer because you want them to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And they're a person, not potential. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. In your 30s, you realize that's a person, not a project. That's a person, not potential. That's a person, not someone that I have to make perform in the way I want them to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 20s, you convinced yourself that you might be able to shift, mold, inspire, and it might even have been well-intentioned. But you now recognize that it isn't going to work that way. It doesn't work that way. So, You learn the hard way. You're not going to ignore those little red flags anymore. You're going to raise them early. It's not that you run away or distance yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
You're conscious enough to make them a part of the conversation, to make them a part of the dialogue. You value talking about difficult things. You value raising something, not worrying about whether it pushes someone away. Don't underestimate the power that you have in your 30s. In your 20s, you were chasing sparks. In your 30s, you're seeking stability.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 20s, you were infatuated with chemistry. In your 30s, you're inspired by compatibility. In your 20s, you chase that intense, emotive, firework feeling. In your 30s, you realized that solid, stable communication and mutual respect is at the heart of a real connection. It's really interesting when you go through that shift, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Day 16 to 20 is called the mind shift. Notice how we went body, people, mind, right? So we started with the purge. So we kind of blocked out everything we didn't want in. But then we started with the body because it's great to feel shift in the body. Then we went the people around us and now we do the mind. So what we often do with the mind is we just listen to love songs.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
We watch our favorite romantic movies. And guess what? You sit there and you cry and you eat ice cream. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with any of that. That's okay if you want to do that. But when you're ready, this is the 30 days that's going to change it for you. The no love songs, no sad movies detox.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Cut out all breakup music and movies for 30 days when you're ready to really get over this breakup, right? This 30 days may come three months after you break up. For some of you, it may come immediately after you break up. For some people, it may come six years after you break up. But these 30 days have to happen at some point. Replace them with uplifting, neutral or empowering content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Start a new book. Listen to a new podcast. Maybe you're listening to this one right now for that reason. Start a new course, a masterclass. Flood your brain with new ideas. It's time to change your mind. Now, why did we go body, people, mind? Because if you try and do this one first, it's really hard. When you've already shifted your body, you're feeling a new state.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
We all know the feeling when we change something physical, because we live in our physical selves, it changes everything for us. When you change your hairstyle, you almost are surprised every time you look in the mirror. When you change your workout routine, you're more surprised about the energy you feel. When you change your environment, like the color of a room, you feel different.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
This episode is dedicated to anyone who's struggling with a breakup. If you or your friend has gone through a recent breakup, And even though you're putting on a brave face or they're putting on a brave face, you know this has affected you. It's affected them. This episode is for you and them. If you're someone who is scared of breaking up because of what might come, this episode is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
So we want to change physical states first, then the people around us, then our mind. A lot of us try and do the mind shift first and it doesn't work, right? It doesn't work. And this works wonders. This mind shift fuels you with so many different ideas. And a good thing you can add to this is something I call the reverse bucket list.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Instead of listing things you want to do, list things you never want to do or repeat in a relationship. Right? We're used to writing down all the things we want to do before we die. List all the things you never want to do again in a relationship. And use this as a guide when you start dating again. So you don't just heal, but you upgrade. I think this is one of the biggest mistakes we make.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
People are just trying to get over their ex. We're just trying to move on, but we're not upgrading. And I think when you choose to say, hey, this is what I'm never going to do again. I'm never going to fall fast. I'm never just going to give up my trust. I'm never just going to hand them, you know, whatever it is that you made mistakes on. And again, you don't want these things to be extreme.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
You want them to be real. And you may edit them. You may review them. And you may change them over time, but it's great to start with a reverse bucket list. I wanna go back to that idea about a new identity for a second. It's so important that if your Sunday routine used to involve snuggling up to a movie, make Sundays your workout and meal prep day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
The goal is all about erasing patterns and building new ones. That doesn't mean you'll never go back to that park. It doesn't mean you'll never go back to that restaurant that you loved, right? That's not the point I'm making. The point I'm making is that we need to shift pattern. We need to edit pattern
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
as quickly as possible right we have to do that another thing that usually happens by this date is there are things you want to say to that person right by this point you've reflected you've thought about it and now you're like wait a minute there's stuff i want to say to that person that i never got to say and sometimes it's an excuse to just get back in touch
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
feel a bit of, you know, interest again, a lot of the time it's just a painful point that you never got closure from them. So what you want to do in this regard is create a private note or text thread where you vent instead of texting them. So you're not texting yourself. You're now texting them, but it's not going to them. You're not pressing send.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Every time you feel an emotional wave, type out what you'd say to them, but don't send it. And you can read it back later, see how fast your emotions shift. And this helps you break the illusion that they are the solution to your feelings. You believe that they're the ones to give you closure. This process makes you realize that you're the only person who can give you closure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
What this evolves into is something I call the reverse closure letter that you never send. Write a letter from your future healed self to your present self. It could sound like this. I know this hurts now, but trust me, it will all make sense. You'll be grateful for this in the future. This will turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
And you can read this every time you doubt yourself. I hope that this is helping. I hope it's resonating. I hope it's connecting. I want you to find one or two things in here that really move the needle for you, that really help you. And a few quick ways to think about it is the opposite day technique. If you feel like isolating, make yourself go out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
If you feel like crying in bed, make yourself journal. The goal is to retrain your nervous system so that you're not just sinking into emotional autopilot. The opposite day technique is one of my favorite ways because it shifts you out of your thing. And that's really what we're talking about here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
What we're talking about with all of this is how can you quickly shift yourself, not to make things better, not to negate your feelings, not to neglect how you feel, but to put yourself in a position of strength of being able to actually deal with this in a healthy way. Day 21 to day 25, adventure mode. Do something you've never done before, right? It's fun. It's exciting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Set up a solo date night, set up an activity night, whatever you want to do with some friends, find people that you want to do interesting things with that you've never done before. All of a sudden you realize your life is filled with more adventure and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
And if you're someone who just got broken up with and you're trying to figure out what healing looks like, whether it's possible, what are the things that are about to come your way, this episode is for you. I really want you to use this episode as a map, as a guideline to create your own reinvention, to create your own rejuvenation and to create your own comeback.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
you ever thought and day 26 to day 30 is reflection in the reflection phase i want you to set a 90 day reminder mark a date 90 days from today on your calendar write down where you want to be emotionally one new skill, hobby, or milestone you will have accomplished or worked towards. And then in 90 days, you have something to look at.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Something to look at how far you've come, something to look at how far you've broken. And remember when you thought you'd never get over this? Look at you now. Now, healing isn't linear. You'll have moments where you go back and forth, but it will blow your mind how far you've come. You have to set a future date from which you can look back at where you are now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
One of my favorite reflections that I've encouraged clients to do in this regard is at one point when you're ready to call what I call is visualizing them as a stranger. Imagine running into them 10 years from now at a coffee shop. Picture them as just some person, no emotional charge, no judgment, just neutral.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
It tricks your brain into fast forwarding the healing process and reducing emotional intensity. Now you can't rush to that, but it's a really great way of realizing that one day, right now there's all these emotions, there's all this pain, there's all this stress, which you're allowed to feel. One day you won't feel it, not in the same intensity at least.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
And another thing that's really helped me is what I call removing the storyline. Take a brutally honest inventory of the relationship's worst moments. Look at the facts. Did they make you feel insecure? Did you have to shrink yourself and reframe it? You didn't lose them. You freed yourself, right? You didn't lose them. You actually became free.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
And I think to so many of us, that's what we're trying to recognize, is that in some way, somewhere, deep down, we know, you know, that this is actually going to be good for you. It's just that we're holding so strongly onto the idea. And then if all of that doesn't work, here's my favorite.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Change their contact name or delete it, but if you don't change it, save their name as do not text or call. That simple reminder will block you when you're about to do something. Remove the shared Google photo access, mute and block on Spotify, Venmo, anywhere that it may come up, because all it is is a trigger. Instagram, TikTok, all it is is a trigger.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
And you don't have to be strong enough to not be triggered. I think a lot of us think, well, I'm not weak. I can still see them and not be affected. We are that weak. All of us are sent back right down nostalgia lane, memory lane, and that's where we go. Give it a moment. I really hope this helps. I really hope this supports you. Let me know who you shared this with.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
I really believe that these techniques will help you through a breakup. Thank you for trusting me with your time. Remember, I'm always in your corner and forever rooting for you. Thanks for listening. And I really, really can't wait for you to listen to another episode.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Hey everyone, if you loved that conversation, go and check out my episode with the world's leading therapist, Laurie Gottlieb, where she answers the biggest questions that people ask in therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, and dating. If you're trying to figure out that space right now, you won't want to miss this conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
I really believe that this episode will give you ideas, insights, ways in which you can apply to see how to use this as a transformative experience. These moments in our lives come at us hard and fast. They hit us really hard and they affect all areas of our life. And often when we're going through a breakup, we really feel like there will be no better day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
There is no light at the end of the tunnel. We can often experience this. But this episode is here to remind you, not only will you rise, but you will rise stronger, better, and more resilient. I also want to make this episode extremely practical and tactical for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
So write down notes, whether you're using your phone or whether you're writing down in your journal, and make sure you come back to this one as well. So the first thing I want to set you is this idea called a 30-day no-contact reinvention challenge. Instead of just avoiding contact, I want you to actively reinvent yourself each day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
The reason why breakups hurt so much is because we feel parts of ourself are lost, broken, or gone forever. And when we realize that actually we're not trying to hold on to what was there, we're trying to rebuild from what's left. We're looking at what has been left behind and what we can do with that, not what we once had.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
So I'm going to break this down into five day experiences, because often what we think about is we hear things like time will heal all wounds. That's not untrue. I actually think that is true. But here's the thing. We need to make it smaller. We need to make it more measurable. We need to make it more actionable. Does time mean six months, 12 months, three months?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
So I'm going to give you a 30-day no-contact reinvention challenge. Day one to five, potentially the most difficult, hardest, painful days. You just broke up with them. They just broke up with you. This is the time that you're most likely to run back to them or they're most likely to try and get you back. or they're most likely to ignore you and you really want them back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Day one to five will be the hardest days you experience. Here's what you do. Delete messages. Remove reminders. Block social media. Create a breakup-free digital space. It's so needed. It's so, so needed. And a big part of this is something I call the anti-ritual disruption. You had a ritual with this person that started to feel like your life. You always texted them goodnight.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
You always got a good morning message from them. You always went out to coffee together on Saturday, Sundays for brunch. Break those patterns. Purge. Delete the messages, remove the reminders, block, mute, break up free digital space and break the patterns of those rituals. If you always texted them goodnight, text someone else goodnight.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
A friend, a family member, someone who's always been there for you, someone who's always around, someone that you may not even remember that often. Send them a goodnight message. You used to go with them every Saturday to get a coffee, every Sunday to get brunch. Change your coffee shop. Change your brunch spot. I don't really, it doesn't matter how much you loved that place or how amazing it was.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Change the memory. Break the pattern. Take yourself out for coffee. Go out with someone else for brunch. Switch the pattern up. One of the biggest mistakes we make is we stay in the same pattern wanting to get rid of something. It is pretty impossible to remove an emotional feeling from a physical place if that physical place mattered to you both. Break the patterns.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Your brain links routines to them. If you change your routine, you will change the attachment. Too many of us don't change our pattern, don't change our routine, and expect to change the attachment. Now it is true. we kind of want to feel close to it. There's a part of us that secretly even enjoys the fact that that place mattered to us. We still go there. We have some feelings. I get it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
But we have to purge day one to five. Day six to 10, body reset. Change something physical. Maybe you're going to change a new hairstyle, a fitness routine, a sleep schedule. We're going back to breaking patterns, but we're breaking patterns of our own. So the first half was breaking patterns from the relationships, day one to five. You used to mess with them, you mess with someone else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Day six to 10... You're breaking your own patterns, a new fitness routine, a new sleep schedule, a new hairstyle, whatever it may be that works for you. The reason why we want to break things so quickly and organically as well, of course, it has to be things you want to do, is because you're shifting and moving. We're not used to change, especially when you're in relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
When you get into a long-term relationship or an invested relationship, Routines are at the heart of that relationship Rituals are at the heart of that relationship The quicker you shift your rituals and routines The quicker you change your memories of that relationship Too many of us stay
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
in the same physical state we don't do a body reset we stay in the same place for a long long time it's one of the reasons why revenge body which i'm not encouraging i encourage you to work out for yourself and your own health but a reason why that idea makes sense because you're getting active you're shifting something about yourself but ideally do it for yourself Day 11 to 15 is a social reset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Reach out to three old friends or make a new connection. By day 11 to 15... You're going to want to text that ex. You might even have been strong up until now, and now you can't bear it. It's not harder than the first five days. It's harder than it felt in those first five days to not message them. You get pulled back. into that old habit.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
So I'm going to give you what I call the five text rule for breaking the urge to reach out. This is called the five text rule. Before you text your ex, send five texts. One to a friend, one to someone you admire, one to a family member, One to yourself, yep, literally text yourself. And five, one to a new connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. Break the patterns. Your brain links routines to them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
By the end of that, the urge usually passes because you've created five conversations. Now you may message your friend and your friend's not available. So usually you'd message your friend and then you'd go message your ex. Especially if you asked your friend, hey, should I message my ex? Don't make the conversation about your ex. Make it about something else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Message your friend and ask them what they're doing later. What are they doing this weekend? How's their day going? Ask them questions about them. Shift the energy from your problems to helping them. Too many of us will reach out to everyone in our life and only talk about our problems. Hey, I really need to talk to you. I'm really struggling with this. Hey, I just need to talk about my ex.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Hey, I think I should take them back. Hey, I really want to message them. What should I do? You use the people that are trying to help you to solve the situation about the person who hurt you. Make it about that person. Help them, support them, be there for them. Ask them how their day's going. You will get out of your own head.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
So send a message to a friend and don't make it, hey, should I text my ex? Second, someone you admire. Maybe a professor or maybe a DM to someone online, whatever it may be, just someone you look up to. And again, make it separate from the conversation. One to a family member.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
I promise you there's a family member in your life who loves you, who supports you, who's there for you, and you forgot about them. During that relationship, you ignored them, you disconnected from them, and you don't need to do that. Send a message to that person. Number four, send a message to yourself. It's a great place to store your thoughts. Often we try and solve our thoughts in our head.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Pretty difficult to do that. It's almost like when you think about it, there's a courtroom and then there's a jury room, right? In the courtroom, the jury room listens, but they go to the jury room to make a decision. You need to have a conversation with yourself in text form in the jury room.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Your mind's like the courtroom where you think you have to make the big decisions, where you think you have to solve everything. But that's not true. You need to be able to go to a jury room to discuss it, to think about it, to reflect. And the courtroom is just the place you announce the decision. Notice that distinction is huge. Often we're just having conversations in our head.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Should I stay with them? Should I text them? Should I take them back? What should I do? And you're almost trying to make this big decision in the courtroom. Text yourself. Build a log of how you feel different at different times. How do you really feel about that person? And I'll come back to that point. But what do you really think? What do you really believe?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
The courtroom, your mind, is a place to listen, is a place to absorb. It's there. But the decision is made in the jury room and announced in the courtroom. When you've taken out that personal time to reflect, to introspect, to think, you can come back to your mind and whenever your mind says, let's text them, you go, no, we thought about this. I'm going to text five people first.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
The five text rule for breaking the urge to reach out is a game changer. One to a friend, one to someone you admire, one to a family friend, one to yourself, and fifth to a new connection. Could be someone you're networking with, a community member. Obviously, if it's brand new, ideally not someone you're dating, but if you're further down the line, it could be that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
And all of a sudden, you've started five conversations. And here's what you learn through this. You start to learn that there is more connection out there than you actually believe. There is more love out there than you actually believe. There is more support out there than you actually believe. Let me say that again. You have to remember that there is more love in your life than you believe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
You have more support in your life than you believe. And you have more people rooting for you than you believe. The problem is you've learned to believe that there's only one person who can love you perfectly. You've learned to believe that there's only one person who knows what you need. You have trained yourself to believe that there's only one person who can satisfy you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
If you change your routine, you will change the attachment. Too many of us don't change our pattern, don't change our routine, and expect to change the attachment. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. He won the only Jay Shetty. Ha ha. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. It's your host, Jay Shetty, and I am so happy, so grateful that you've joined me today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
And when you text five people, you start recognizing that's just not true. There are so many people who understand you. There are so many people who care about you. There are so many people who value you. And you have to experience it. You can't just remind yourself. You can't just talk yourself through it. You actually have to practice it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
And when you get messages back from your friend, someone you admire, a family member, yourself, you're not going to get a text back from, but you now have that jury room, courtroom breakdown. And finally... a person maybe that you're networking with, a community member, someone you're dating, all of a sudden you realize you always had that value.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
We have to unlearn this idea that there's only one person who knows how to love you, that there's only one person who knows how to help you. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I always say to people, if any of you are struggling with what you should do for work, sometimes just go around to your friends and meet them one-on-one and say, hey, have a really honest discussion with me. What do you think is my number one skill? What do you think I'm actually good at? And your friend might be like, you plan the best parties. Like that's what you're good at.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Or you know what? Whenever there's a big event coming up, you're really good at event planning. And all of a sudden, I've done this with my sister and I've seen that. My sister's always organized lots of retreats. She's organized lots of events. She's really talented at that. It isn't her career.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I'm constantly nudging her in that direction and saying, hey, have you thought about wedding planning? Have you thought about birthday planning? Have you thought about event planning? And so, but what I loved about watching you make that transition was that I think a lot of people think, oh, when I get a million followers, then I'll make a transition.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Or when I make X amount of money, then I'll make a transition. And you were actually making it while you were there. And the sign of success was good feedback. And so I think not postponing that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
transition that pivot that switch and i love what you said because i think this is true for everyone you have to have one foot in either boat yes at the beginning so you were gone down to four day week one day became coaching studying weekends became that going doing the exams the course and when you've got one foot in each boat once you're confident enough
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
You take the other leap. Exactly. Rather than what I think a lot of us do is we've got two feet in one boat. The other boat's so far away. Yeah. And you go, oh no, it's all about the jump. It's all about the leap. And you kind of amp yourself up. Then you jump and then you fall into the water. And now you're drowning because you're like, wait a minute, I don't even know where the other boat is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And so I don't want to glorify risk because I think a lot of people will be like, you have to take a risk. You got to do something big. You got to take a leap. And I'm like... Well, you've got to be a little bit measured and a little bit practiced as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Like, I don't think this satisfies me anymore.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah, I read something recently, which I think is called the Pygmalion Effect. I don't know if you've come across it, but it's this idea that we're better at doing things when we think people believe in us. And so it's when they told teachers that these kids are performing well. And so teachers started to treat them better. And then the kids perform better, even though they weren't any different.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And that's a quick version of it. You can check it out. But what was really interesting about it was we can also do that to ourselves. And so it works when we set higher standards for ourselves, we start treating ourselves in that way. And it goes back to your beast mode point of you rise to your standards. And
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host Jay Shetty and I am so grateful that you've decided to join me today. This is a very special episode because I'm in Qatar at Web Summit and right now I'm sitting inside the iHeart Studio and there are people around the studio who have headphones on who can listen to the podcast.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I think a lot of us don't know what that means because I think when we set high standards, we usually feel we fail.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
We usually feel, oh no, I'm going to feel like I failed. So I might as well just set a lower standard. Exactly. And one thing I've noticed in high performers that I really appreciate is high standards matched with high grace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And so if you look at the best people in the world, like I love this commencement speech that Roger Federer just gave. I'm sure you saw it. And he talks about how in his career, he's lost a ridiculous amount of points. I can't remember the exact number, but he's lost a ridiculous amount of points, like almost 40% of points or 45% of points.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And you think, wait a minute, how could one of the greatest have lost 45% of points? And he says, because all I've got to do when I lose a point is focus on the next one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And he said, if I sit there and I'm constantly thinking about the last point and how I should have responded and how I should have hit it and how I should have placed it, now all of a sudden my attention's gone on the next point and now I've lost the next point. And that just continues.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So I love that idea that greatness came from having a high expectation of winning every point, but then having enough grace to say, actually, if I focus on the last point, I'm going to lose the next point as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah, and that's how you learn. It's going to happen along the way. And I think one thing that I remember, which was really important, part of our friendship, and I wanted to talk about certain events. It was definitely that. So I started working at Accenture. And I was working at a client that was close by to your law firm.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So every lunchtime we'd go on like an hour walk around London and we'd have these conversations nearly every day while I was at this client.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I think the same is true for me. But we'd go on this hour walk and these are the conversations we'd have. And it shows you how important that friendship is, how important that connection is. Yes. And I think we were both looking for an escape. But the thing is, we weren't just then making our time together entertainment. Our time together became these conversations.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Hello everyone outside. We've never done this before ever, which is awesome. And I'm really excited because my best friend of nearly the last two decades now is in the house. He recently moved to Dubai. We're in Doha. He's flown over so that we can hang out because we now need to schedule our hangouts because that's what happens with adult friendships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. Well, what's really interesting is that when you go to school, right, you start nursery at whatever, three, four years old, and then you're basically at school till 18.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And if you go to university or college, then you're there till 21 or maybe a bit older if you do law or medicine or whatever it may be, or a postgrad. And what's really interesting is that from the moment you're three or four years old, every year up until 21 is pretty much mapped out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So you don't actually have to think when you complete fourth grade.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
You go to fifth grade and then you go to sixth grade and then you go to seventh and then eighth and then ninth and tenth. And you never had to think. There's no ownership of your own development. There's no ownership. There's no ownership. And what ends up happening is as soon as you get to 21, and let's say you get a job, you get a grad job, you start a job.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Now, all of a sudden, your whole trajectory is up to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Do you stay at this place? Do you network for a promotion? Do you take on extracurricular? Do you quit your job and get promoted somewhere else? Do you switch? Do you... All of a sudden, at 21 years old, it's like, well, now we're not going to tell you what to do for the next 50 years. And so I think everyone... is at a disadvantage.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Because you haven't had to use your brain for all of those years. All of a sudden, you have to use your brain and now you're scared. So you're asking everyone around you, what should I do? Is this the right path for me? Should I quit my job? Should I get married? Should I not? Right? And that confusion, I have a lot of empathy because of that, because we weren't made to make decisions early enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Now, I'm not saying that a four-year-old should be deciding what they're studying at university. That's not the point. But there has to start becoming... a little bit of ownership about direction and about choice because that's how you build confidence in yourself. So most of us have never made a major life decision until 25, 30 years old.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
No wonder we're crippled by the anxiety and the stress and the pressure that comes with that because you didn't have to think about anything that was that complicated. for like 18 years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah. It's knowing that I think all of us need to know that we're loved whether we win or we lose. Yes. That's what all of us want. All of us want to know that I am loved or all of us want to know that you are loved whether you win or you lose. And so your child, yourself, your partner, what they want from you is that you love them no matter what.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I'm so grateful because I thought I'd invite him on the show today so that we can share some of the most pivotal moments of our friendship, careers, life over the last two decades. And I thought it would be a special treat for you. So welcome to the episode, Nanda, who is in the studio with me. Nanda, thanks for joining me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
But they need to be able to win or to lose off their own choices, off their own accord. And I remember one meeting that we had. I remember when you actually flew out with me to New York when I first moved there and you slept on my couch.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I remember, well, maybe I'll explain. Maybe you can tell them what you had for breakfast because...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
No, I was just going to say that it was one thing that you realize as you live life is that life becomes the stories. Yes. And I remember a few years before that, I was at a friend's wedding in Ibiza. Yeah. And I was sitting, having dinner on the beach at my friend's wedding. And I was sitting with this man who is around 70 years old.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And he was sitting there almost like in a movie scene of, he was in one of those beach rocking chairs. There was a little fire pit that we were around. It was me, my wife. some of our, Genevieve and someone else from the wedding. And we were sitting with this man and he just had these crazy life stories.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I remember sitting there and just thinking, I really hope that when I'm his age, that I'll have stories to tell. And not stories to tell to the world even, just stories to tell to my friends. And I think what happens in our busy, distracted life the events in our life become events where everyone's there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Whereas we have a lot, we talk about this a lot, that as I have got older, group events are great. Yes. But it's the one-on-one investments over the years that give you stories and memories. For sure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
the big birthday party that a hundred people were at or 50 I don't ever think about those things I don't talk about those things but I can remember when you were sleeping on the couch and we were waking up and we were walking to the you know the grocery store picking up groceries coming back like I can remember that or I can remember the walks we used to go on yeah
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I think it's so important that as we get older, I think sometimes we think, I want that big birthday party again. I want that feeling of being a kid again. And it's almost like those one-to-one relationships are so powerful. And I think one of the things I really value about our friendship is I think it's become harder for men to find these relationships in our community and outside.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
It doesn't matter whether you're in a spiritual community or not. It's just harder for men to find connection. And I think for us, one thing that really helped was you were always really vulnerable and honest and open about your life when we first got to know each other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And as you were my mentor, it was very new for me because mentors and teachers are generally people who you think have it all together. And you're learning because they have it all together. And not only do I disagree with that, you helped like burst that bubble very early on because you'd be really open about your challenges or whatever you were going through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I try and do that with my community today. I'm really open and honest about, I always talk about how like me and my wife don't have a perfect marriage. There's loads of stuff and we'll talk about it. Or, you know, I haven't had a career where everything's been easy. But I find that as men, it's harder. How have you found that over time? And like, how have you navigated that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And what are your thoughts on male friendship and how you strengthen that bond? Because I think a lot of men are feeling lonely right now in the world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
That's a hard lesson as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
That's exactly what happened. We were having a casual conversation, even though we have three casual conversations a week. And I was just like, yeah, you know, it'd be really fun. We've never done this before. And it would be a really good idea. And I thought it'd be fresh for my amazing community to hear about
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah. And I think that's also how you don't become harsh in a world that may feel harsh. Like I would rather turn up fully as I am consciously. And then however someone responds to that, now I'm clear on where we're at. Yes. Whereas if I come all cagey and holding back, now I don't know whether that person's mirroring my energy or they might be hiding something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And so if I come out and I'm just fully myself consciously, and I'm loving and I'm trusting and I'm open, then I get a quicker sense of where someone's at and whether our energy matches, not whether they're a good or bad person, just on whether our frequency matches.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Whereas if I lower my frequency thinking I'm protecting myself, now actually I'm working against myself because I can't quickly figure out. And I think that's what I look at is what's the pace of figuring it out. Like when you can speed that up because you're fully yourself, Now you have a great sense of, okay, I trust this person. I can see where my barriers are with this individual.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I think setting boundaries has become such a healthy thing for adult friendships as well. I think we talk about this a lot. When you grow up in a big community, everyone thinks they know you and everyone claims to know you and everyone claims to be your friend. And it's really hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And, you know, sometimes people can turn, oh, I went to college with that person or I went to school with that person too. Oh, no, no, I knew that person really intimately. And so I think it's really important that we set healthy boundaries. I think what's helped me with my male friendships, and I have a lot of young male friends who, guys that I mentored, like you were mentoring me at the time,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I think for me, it's always been these one-on-ones. I think it's really easy as a bunch of guys to hang out, watch a game, whatever it may be. But when you can have these one-on-ones where there's space for both of you to truly put the guard down, and it's almost like taking your armor off. Like I think as men, you've got to recognize that there is a desire to be strong and be this warrior.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
But at the end of the day, you've got to take your helmet off. You've got to put the shield down. You've got to put the sword down. You've got to take the armor off. And that's when you can see each other's wounds and be open about it and talk about it. And I think I consider myself to be a warrior mindset, as you were talking about earlier.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
But a big part of that warrior mindset is also having that safe space where you don't have to have the shield and the guard up all day long. And you can finally put it down. Has that changed for you over time? I think I dealt with that in the beginning of my career where I had to be so intense about growing and building. And it's not about being mean. It's about having a winner's mindset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I think there's a difference between having a winner's mindset and being mean and harsh. And I was developing that winner's mindset. And I realized that it took me a long while to realize how to be with my wife and still have a winner's mindset, but recognize it shouldn't be projected onto her.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
our friendship, life, the journey that we've both been on, the journey that I've been on through your perspective. And yes, just so everyone knows, Nanda's had no time to prepare. We both came up with this. Well, no, he didn't come up with this idea. I came up with this idea 30 minutes ago and here we are. So let's dive in. I've known Nanda ever since before I became a monk.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I think there's a difference between being ambitious and aggressive. Okay. I think you can be ambitious without being aggressive. I think aggression is something that spills over onto other people. It's how you treat other people. It's how you greet other people. It's how people feel when they're around you. They feel scared. There's fear. Aggression is ambition in its lowest form.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And then ambition is something about you. It's now your expectation of yourself. It's your desire for yourself. It's what you expect and want of yourself. Aggression is when you want everyone else to now mirror that. And I actually remember Goranga Das, who's my monk teacher, and of course, you know him very well as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
He actually taught me this very early on because for anyone who knows him, as you do, he has an impeccable schedule.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So he wakes up at 2 a.m. every day, meditates for two hours before everyone wakes up to meditate. And then we'll meditate, then go and cook for all the monks, then come back. So my point is he's a superhero. Superhuman. Yeah, superhuman.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And anyone who tries to imitate him fails. I've been there, hands up, I've been there. But the more important thing is he told me that really early on that he had to realize that his expectations had to be of himself and that a good leader doesn't create high expectations for others, but operates at the highest values and expectations for themselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And everyone rises to that because they see the example. So anyway, going back to what we were talking about with the spiritual point, For me, ambition and spirituality should never have been put as opposites. And somewhere in our narrative, and this is probably one of my favorite things, the famous quote that goes around is, money is the root of all evil. And everyone knows it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
You hear it everywhere. But the actual text says the love of money is the root of all evil. That's a really massive piece of context that is missed in one of the most famous quotes of money of all time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I remember actually saying that to you. I wanted to do that. I then even talked to you when I was leaving the monastery. and all the challenges of reintegration of my health and everything else, all the way through to, which we'll talk about some of these events of spending time in New York together in the early stages of my career, LA, and now all the way through to Dubai and Doha.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I really believe that if you get too familiar with greatness, beauty or success, that makes you feel unsuccessful. And what I mean by that and this idea of just the beginning is I look at my life today as if I would if I was looking at it from 20 years ago.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So when we were sitting up there in the iHeart booth just upstairs right now, and there's a picture of my podcast art next to like Malcolm Gladwell, who I love and I grew up reading and he's been a guest on the show. And then there's Breakfast Club with Charlemagne, who I love. And there's just all these amazing people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I have to look at that from 18-year-old Jay and 25-year-old Jay because when I look at it as that, my mind is blown and I'm like, no way, like I can't believe this is my life. And when I sat down on the stage, I was like, it took a moment just personally. It wasn't in front of, it was internally on just like how grateful I was to be able to have this opportunity.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And my point is, I have to look at it from the kid who watched Fresh Prince. I have to look at it from the kid who used this person's product. I have to look at it from the kid who watched a tennis match and now gets to interview Novak Djokovic. I've got to watch it as the kid who watched a movie and now gets to sit down with Michael B. Jordan. I have to watch it from that perspective.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
But if I only look at it from this perspective of, oh, here I am, this is my life now, this is normality, all of a sudden it will start to feel really insignificant.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I think that's what happens a lot where whether you get to wake up and look at a beautiful view every morning, looking at your partner that once you believed when you first met them was the most beautiful person on the planet, if you don't look at them that way again, No wonder you get distracted and whatever else is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So for me, it's always looking at it from it's just the beginning in the sense of let me fast forward, let me rewind. And then the other it's just the beginning is going, I've got to have the beginner's mindset. Yes. Even in this moment, because otherwise this is all going to go away. I've got to treat it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I've got to have the same hunger as I had on day one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I think it's romanticizing your life. Like you have to be really present in it to see how beautiful every moment is. And not every moment is beautiful. But I think when things were tough, I'd say something else. I wouldn't be saying this. Like, I don't think when things are tough, I'm like, I'll be grateful for what you have. I think that can be bad advice and can kind of be off-putting as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
When things were bad, I'd be like, I can't wait to tell this story one day. So when I was going through the failures and things were going wrong, I'd say, I can't wait to tell this story one day when I get to the other side.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And that gives you momentum to get to the other side because you can't wait to tell that story. And so I think it's a mix of mindsets and tools that you bring out in different moments. So when things are going well, slow down and smell the roses. There's a reason why, smell the flowers.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And so where should we start, Nanda?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
There's a reason why that phrase is famous because when things are going well, you can just move through them like it doesn't matter. But when things are going badly, if you say to yourself, I can't wait to tell this story on the other side. All of a sudden you get momentum from the other side rather than being like, oh God, this is the worst thing I've ever gone through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I used to have an amazing football coach that would say, if you win, celebrate for a night and then get back to training.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And if you lose, cry for a night and then get back to training. And I love that advice because it, put the emphasis on get back to training.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And so I've had some amazing successes in my life and I don't feel they've been fleeting, but they've just been a marker that you're on the path. And the greatest success, the greatest joy or celebrating success comes on the pursuit. It's the journey. It is that journey, like that old, you know, it's... Journey, not the...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah, and it's like that is the part that you have to celebrate. And that's what I mean, celebrating the moment and going, this makes my story better. Celebrating the moment and saying, I'm going to stop and appreciate this moment of sitting on stage. Let me stop and appreciate the fact that this is happening for me. And by the way, sure, it's easier now, but all of those things were happening
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
you know, it wasn't like the first day I did it, it was this either. Going back to the right, the beginning, when I uploaded my first video and it got, you know, 500 views in my first month on YouTube, I had a thousand subscribers. I was so happy about that. I remember. I never looked at the thousand subscribers and went, why is it not a million? And so it was there then.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I remember our friends were like, well done, mate. This is probably it. Yeah. No, no, no. It was, this is probably it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah. So, but yeah, anyway, we could do this for hours. I've got to run to main stage now. Nanda, I am so grateful to you for joining me on a last minute request.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
It's been a really fun conversation. We'll have to do this again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I'm so glad you shared your journey because I think there's so much for everyone to learn with whether our journeys are public or private, whether they're you know, in the public eye or not, we all have to make these decisions. And I think you shared so many great, valuable insights today. So thank you so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. If you love this episode, you'll love my conversation with Dr. Joe Dispenza on why stress and overthinking negatively impacts your brain and heart and how to change your habits that are on autopilot. Listen to it right now. How many times...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Well, I want people to know also that now we're friends, but in the beginning of our relationship, you were my mentor because you'd been practicing spirituality for far longer than me. And so when I first came in, you were someone that I turned to for advice. And of course, I still do that today as a friend. But at that time, it was very much so...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
you were sharing with me experience, insight, and so it was natural for me to come to you at that time. And I've always described it like a divorce, because I think that's the only analogy that makes sense for someone who doesn't know what it feels like to become a monk and leave. It feels like I got married for three years to the love of my life,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And then I figured out that it wasn't going to last and that it wasn't going to work. So the heartbreak you'd feel from a breakup or a divorce is the heartbreak I felt from leaving the monastery. Because let me paint a picture for everyone. I really didn't know what I was going to do. I think a lot of people feel like I had a plan or I had a strategy or I knew what I was going to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I had no clue. And if I'm completely honest, I was really scared about going back to the workplace because I was worried. I was thinking, wait a minute, do I have to go back into consulting or finance or business because that's what I would have done? Will I be able to make it in that space? How will I be able to survive?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Right? It wasn't like I came back to a fanfare of... No, there wasn't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah, I always look back to a piece of advice that Thomas Power, one of my other mentors in life, would often say to me, he'd say that when you're in moments of pain, that's when you'll find your potential. And whenever he used to say that, I used to be like, yeah, yeah, all right. Cliche. Yeah, I used to be like, okay, like I know my potential. I'm pretty okay. I'll figure it out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. And what I found is that pressure doesn't attract success and joy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And then when I was in those moments, so at that time, when we're talking about right now, I was rejected from 40 companies and I didn't even get an interview at those companies. And I'm someone who got a first class degree. And so not getting an interview at 40 companies, and I'm saying this not for you to think, oh, Jay, you're amazing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I'm saying this because I actually feel a lot of you might be in this position right now where you're trying to make a transition in your career. You're trying to make a new job. You're trying to sell a new product. You're building a new business. And all you're getting is rejection after rejection after rejection. And that experience, what it gave to me was two things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
One was all you need is one yes. All you need is one yes. All I needed was one company, Accenture, to say, we're going to give you a shot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And we're going to put you on a graduate scheme at 25, 26 years old, but we're going to give you a shot. So that's one thing. And the second thing I learned is that it's all a game of odds. Yes. It's all about the law of odds. And what I mean by that is it is simply as basic as the more doors you knock on, the more open. So if you've not had any open doors, you just haven't knocked on enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And so I think I learned those two really critical skills. And then fast forward a few years later, which we'll get to when I was four months away from being broke, it was the same principles I had to go back to was all you need is one yes. And if no doors have opened, you just haven't knocked on enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah, it's a really fine point you brought out. And it's challenging because I think we operate from two places as humans. One is passive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And so we're like, oh, it will happen when it happens. If the universe provides... it will work out just the way it's meant to. And we say these phrases, but beneath them, there's a insecurity and an uncertainty. And the opposite way we function as humans is we're pressured. So we think, oh my gosh, that person's already sold their company and they're only 35.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And oh my gosh, that person just made $100,000 doing that. And oh my God, so there's pressure. So we either function from being passive, it will happen when it's happened, Or pressure, oh my God, it's not happening for me. And what I found is that pressure doesn't attract success and joy. And being passive doesn't attract success and joy. And the only place that does is peace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And peace is me saying, I'm going to do everything I can and then leave the result up to what the universe is, what God wants, whatever the energy is around me. But I'm going to do everything I possibly can. And it goes back to your point. And by the way, I've seen you do this. And I think it's important to talk about it through stories that people may not be familiar with.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
You were a really successful lawyer. You were doing great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And you decided that it wasn't fulfilling you. And I actually want to ask you about that because I think there may be a lot of people listening right now who are doing something where they studied for it. They were educated for it. They worked hard for it. Their parents maybe even were really impressed that they did it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And now they're at an age where they're going, I think I want to change my career. Like, I don't think this satisfies me anymore. And it's harder when you've done something like law, which took years of training, years of building up. How did you get comfortable
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
with giving up your feeling around sunk cost bias for anyone who doesn't know sunk cost biased is an economic term which means i've already invested so much time money or energy down this path and usually what it does is it keeps you on that path because you think i've invested too much to let it go that's why people don't change careers it's why people don't break up from relationships it's why people don't do any of those things for you what finally gave you confidence
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And being passive doesn't attract success and joy. And the only place that does is peace. And peace is me saying, I'm going to do everything I can
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
to say, you know what, even though I'm really good at law, even though I make a really good living, even though I have a family and two kids, I'm still going to take a risk. Because in my eyes, me going off to become a monk was a risk. But you pivoting your career at that age was also a risk. What got you there?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
and then leave the result up to what the universe is, what God wants, whatever the energy is around me, but I'm gonna do everything I possibly can because I think there may be a lot of people listening right now who are doing something where they studied for it, they were educated for it, they worked hard for it, their parents maybe even were really impressed that they did it, and now they're at an age where they're going, I think I wanna change my career.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah. Yeah, no, because I saw it. And I think this is, you're so right. This is why our friends are so important in being honest with us, in noticing our strengths, being honest about our weaknesses, noticing our values.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Maybe you've been hurt before and now you're acting too cool for school, but you're pushing other people away. When we're acting detached or we are detached, we sometimes miss opportunities. We brush off someone who truly cares. We convince ourselves that it's not a big deal. And I've seen that happen too often. People just say, oh yeah, you know, I'm doing my own thing right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And you miss out on a really beautiful possible connection. The third is you overcompensate. You act like you're too busy. You're too focused on other things than love. And while that's not a bad thing, I think it's amazing when people get focused on their careers when they go deep. I think it's beautiful. But if in the back of your mind, you're like, I just really want to be in a relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
I wish I could find that person. You're kind of detached and desperate at the same time, which is the worst situation to be in. The reason I'm painting these states is because I want us to realize the difference when we get into the optimal state that I'm going to share with you in a moment. I want to share with you that optimal state of attraction and manifestation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And I want you to realize that the states of desperation and detachment don't create that dynamic energy that we need in order to be a magnet. The fourth thing we do is we build walls, not boundaries. Instead of healthy limits, we shut up entirely. We think it's safer that way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
It's almost like instead of getting blinds for the sun pouring into your house, which is a healthy way to manage it, you end up putting up walls around your house. That's what we all do. We put up walls, not boundaries, right? And we think it's safer that way. But it's not safer. We need that light. We need that connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We'll dive into experiences designed to inspire growth, spark learning and build real connections. I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me and get yours today. Every text, every moment of silence. Every look feels like a test of your worth and their love. You're messaging going, hey, wait, wait, wait, what did you mean by that? Hey, are we on the same page?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We need to expose ourselves to a tiny bit of pain, a tiny bit of stress, a tiny bit of discomfort and struggle. Another thing we do when we're detached is we seek distractions. We pretend we don't need anyone. We party to fill the void. We take up loads of new hobbies. By the way, these are all great things. but not if they're coming from a place of trying to avoid that which we're looking for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We project this sort of indifference. We claim we don't care, but our actions often reveal that we're scared to admit we do. You pretend you don't care, but really you're scared to admit that you actually do. And that means we end up sabotaging potential relationships. right? We find reasons to end things early. We convince people that it wasn't meant to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We convince ourselves that it wasn't meant to be. So when you're desperate, you're pulling something close when it doesn't make sense. And when you're in detachment, you're pushing something away when it doesn't make sense. Listen to that again. When you're desperate, you're trying to pull things closer than they're meant to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And when you're detached, you're trying to push things further away than they're meant to be. You're not allowing what is meant to be to be in your life. And what does that do? It means we often feel lonely and private. Behind closed doors, behind the bravado when it fades, loneliness starts to creep in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And we're there on our own on a Friday night saying we're okay, saying we're strong, saying we're not in need, but we are feeling desperate. And a lot of us oscillate. between this desperation and detachment. We think, oh, everyone says, you find someone when you're not looking for them. All right, let me pretend to be detached. Oh, wait, that didn't work. All right, I need to be desperate again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
All right, I really need to tell all my friends I'm desperate again. I'm really seeking. Oh, wait, that didn't work. All right, let me just be detached again. Maybe that will work. All right, I'm sure you've met people. I'm sure you have friends and family just constantly oscillating between these two states. And finally, we convince ourselves that love is a weakness. We're scared of connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We're scared of being hurt. And what I find is that as humans, we're good at oscillating between light and dark. We're not good at viewing them at the same time. And it's rare. If you think about a solar eclipse, a solar eclipse is when you see the layer of the moon and the sun. It's a very rare sight, but that's what we need to do, right? We know what to do in the darkness.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We know what to do in the light. We rarely see both together. And so that's what we need to do. We need to find out that middle path of detachment and desperation. That's that state, that dynamic state that we want to be in. There's detachment, but there's also desperation. But it's not desperation. In the dynamic state, it's now desire. And instead of detachment, it's deserving. right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
It's desire and deserving instead of desperation and detachment. Desperation and detachment will push the right people away and pull the wrong people close. Desire and deserving will push the wrong people away and pull the right people close.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
When we know what we desire and we believe we deserve it, that is that peak human state, as opposed to oscillating and operating in the extremes of desperation and detachment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Do you really want to see me? I'm not sure. If you don't want to see me, it's okay, right? That desperation is not a state through which we manifest and attract love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
So how do we do that? The first thing is looking at these blends, these juxtapositions of seemingly opposite ideas.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
love has to be a big priority but we have to take small steps this is how we learn to manifest that optimal state we have to accept love is a big priority in 2025 love is really important to me love is my number one focus in what i want i'm clear about my desire i'm clear about that desire And I'm willing to juxtapose it with small steps.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host Jay Shetty and I am so grateful that you're here. I have to start with, I am so excited that I'm taking On Purpose on tour this year and I want you to come and see me. Head over to jayshetty.me forward slash tour. That's jshetty.me forward slash tour so that you can come and see me live. I can't wait for you to see our special guests.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
I'm willing to accept that love is my number one priority and I know I need to take small steps toward it. The challenge is what we do is we go, I don't want to admit love's my number one desire. That's so uncomfortable. That's so cringe. That's so awkward. That makes me so lame. I'm not going to do that. What have we done? We've just, we've completely suppressed our desire.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
So now we're faking detachment because we're scared of looking silly. So it's not a big priority. We're pretending it's a small priority and we're trying to take big steps. I'm just going to focus on my career. Or we're desperate. So we're saying, oh my God, it's not just a desire, it's desperation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And so we're saying, okay, it is a big priority, but then we're trying to take these massive big leaps towards it. It's the opposite ideas. We need a big priority, accepting love. I desire love. I desire real love. I deserve real love. Repeat that. I desire real love and I deserve real love, but I'm going to take, I'm ready to take the small steps towards it. the weekly date routine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
I'm willing to take the small steps by asking my friends and committing and connecting with people. I'm willing to take the small steps of not rushing it and seeing where things go with someone. I'm willing to take the small steps that even if it didn't work out on the first date, I'm okay with taking a second. I'm okay with trying it out even when things feel like it's not quite working out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
I'm open to the small steps. I'm not waiting for that first big miraculous moment of chemistry that makes me feel like this person is perfect and everything's perfect, but really I'm just lying to myself. Small steps, big priority. The next way to become a magnet is to be patient for love, but impatient for dating. Usually what we are is that we're impatient for it all.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Or we're saying we're patient, but we're feeling impatient. How can we be patient for the big things and impatient about the small things? Patient for love to develop, but impatient to connect, build connections, meet people, be out there, connect. Often we do the opposite. We go, oh yeah, I'll see you when a date comes up. So we're patient for the dates, but we're impatient about love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
I really want to be in love. I really want to be in love, but I don't want to go out on any dates. I don't want to put in the work. Impatient about dates, patient about love. Say it out loud. I'm patient for real love. I am patient for real love. I'm impatient to try and meet more people. That's the balance. That's that dynamic state.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
That blends desire and deserving instead of desperation and detachment. The next step is align what you think, say, and do. Too many people are thinking I'm desperate for love. They're saying I don't need it. And doing, they're not going out on any dates. Too many people are saying in their head, I'm detached from love. They're saying they really, really want it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And then they're doing nothing again. Align. Accept in your mind, this year love is a big priority. Say it when you speak to people. Love is my number one priority. And then let it lead to your actions. A beautiful old saying says that we experience misalignment or we can't be in harmony of what we think, say, and do are not aligned.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Too many of us are saying something to our friends, thinking something on our own, and doing something completely different. align align align i am aligned in manifesting love i'm aligned in attracting love Whatever you think, be clear about it. Repeat that when you're with people, no matter how hard or cringe it is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
If you can't express your desire in your mind and out loud to your close friends and take action aligned with it, you can't manifest. Manifestation is all about aligning. We're aligning with ourselves. We're aligning with the universe. Most of us are misaligned because we're saying something completely different to what we're doing and thinking. The next step is...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
living as if you already have love, creating love in all relationships, infusing love into your work relationships, infusing love with your friends and family, feeling and experiencing love, noticing love. Notice love, acknowledge love, feel it, see it around you wherever you are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We're going to have experts, celebrities, thought leaders. It's going to be really deep, profound work, and it's going to be a lot of fun. Bring your friends, bring your family. I can't wait to see you. Now, today's episode is all about how 2025 becomes the year we manifest love. Whether you're in a relationship, whether you're single, whether you're dating, this episode is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
When someone compliments you, when someone says something rather than in the back of your head thinking, I wish I had a partner who said that. I wish I had someone who felt that. I wish I knew someone who felt that way about me. There are people who feel that way about you. And yes, it's not romantic. But that doesn't mean it's not helpful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
It's helpful in helping you create a state of love and becoming a magnet. Remember, you're trying to become a magnet where you attract love into your life, which means you have to notice it. That's the skill of a magnet. It notices that this is an energy, a field that I want to bring into my life. And in order to do that, we have to focus...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
on what is important about you what's valuable about you can you notice those things can you highlight those things can you value those things in yourself people find it so hard to write down three things they value about themselves but i promise you if you can't do that you can't manifest love into your life because you'll always feel unworthy of love even when someone will stand in front of you stare you in the eyes and say i love you you won't believe it
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
because you don't feel you're lovable. You haven't accepted that there's parts of you that are completely lovable. And finally, I'd suggest, what have you not healed from a previous relationship that will affect the future? That's the energy to clear. That's what you want to work on. You don't want to carry that into the next stage. I hope, I wish, that 2025 becomes your year of manifesting love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
I know it can. And all you have to do is follow these steps, listen to this episode every week, save it, and it will be an incredible year. This will be the year you will become a magnet and manifest and attract love into your life if you follow these simple steps. Thank you so much for listening. Remember, I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
If you love this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your ex and find true love in your relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
If you're someone who for so long feels like they've tried everything and anything to find love, this episode is for you. If you're someone who's in a long-term relationship, but you want to infuse it with more love, this episode is for you. And if you're someone who's dating right now, exhausted with the apps, got so much going on, this episode is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
The first question I want to share with you is who would you be today if you knew you were going to meet the person you will love for the rest of your life? Who would you be if you knew you were going to meet the person you would love for the rest of your life today? Let's say you were going to meet them in three hours, in five hours, in six hours. What would you do differently?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
What would be the focus of your life? How would it change the way you feel? Not just what you would do. How would it change the way you feel? the way you feel about love, the way you feel about happiness, the way you feel about life? Would you have an extra skip in your step? Would you be that much more alert? Would you be that much more positive? Would you be that much more kind?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
What would it feel like if you knew the person of your dreams, the person you would spend the rest of your life with, was three hours away from you? How would you feel and how would that change the way you behave? Just feel that in your body for a moment. Maybe it makes you smile. Maybe it makes you slightly nervous. Maybe you can feel the butterflies.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Maybe you shed a tear because it's been such a painful journey. Think about that for a second. How would it feel? Embody that. How would it feel? I want you to remember this feeling because I want you to bring yourself back to this whenever you feel you're drifting away. It's this energy that attracts and manifests the partner that you want.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Because it's this excitement, this enthusiasm that is the magnet to attract that. When we talk about manifesting, what we're trying to do is become a magnet so we can attract things in our direction. The energy, the vibrancy, the frequency of attraction is this. The genuine belief, the natural feeling, the organic manifestation That it's just around the corner And guess what?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Whether you do meet the love of your life in three hours or not It's just a beautiful place to live It's a happier mind It's a healthier body It's a more healed heart Isn't that where we all want to live? Isn't that what would truly be a magnet for the right person? This is the year you manifest love. If you follow these simple guidelines that I'm about to share today, it will change your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Now, I want to start off with what we usually do. We don't live in the state that I just talked about. We live in one of two states as humans because we love extremes. We either live in a state of desperation on one end Or we live in a state of detachment. So desperation is, oh my gosh, I need to find love. I need to go on a date. Oh my God, I'm never going to find someone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Oh my gosh, everyone's getting married. Oh my God, I'm so behind. Oh my gosh, am I ever going to find someone? That's desperation. And you don't have to tell me. We've all experienced that. We've all been there. We know what it feels like. But then sometimes we do the opposite, the detachment. I'm too busy. I'm focused on my career. I don't need love. It's not that important.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
It will work itself out. I'm not paying any attention. And whether we mean that, whether we truly believe that, we've all been on that side too. And guess what? Here we still are. Whether you're in a relationship or not, here we still are without love. If you're in a relationship, desperation looks like, I wish my partner would give me more attention. Why don't they care about my birthday?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Oh my God, we didn't do anything for Valentine's Day. We didn't do anything for Christmas. You know, they just don't care about me. We know what that feels like. And then if you're in a relationship, detachment feels like, oh, no, we're independent. He's got his thing going on. I've got my thing going on. We don't really need each other. Those are both not states of love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
They're both not peak human states. But you can live in peak human state. And I want you to. So let's talk about that. Desperation doesn't work because it leads to a lot of challenges. The first is desperation can make you ignore red flags. When you're desperate, you convince yourself that bad behavior is just a phase or that they can fix it. Sometimes you don't even notice the bad behavior.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
You just go, oh, no, but they're so wonderful. Oh, wow. Like, no, but they did this thing. You find all the excuses. that justify how you feel, also known as confirmation bias. You notice the things that confirm the feeling you want to have. How many times have you done that with someone? You confirm the feelings and you notice the things that confirm the feelings that you want to have.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
It's amazing how that works, isn't it? And then when that relationship breaks down, all of a sudden you notice all these other things and you go, I knew that was there. I don't know how I missed it. I saw it. I don't know how I missed it. It almost seems like it's hiding in plain sight. So desperation means sometimes we ignore red flags. Desperation sometimes means we overgive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We pour all our energy into someone, hoping our efforts will be enough to make them stay. We overgive. And then when they undergive, we make them feel bad that we overgave when actually it was our choice. It was our desperation. It was our insecure attachment that was doing it. And that way it doesn't work out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Sometimes when we're desperate, I'm sure you have friends who've done this, we settle for less. We lower our standards to avoid being alone. How many friends or family members do you have right now who you know have not manifested love because they were desperate because they really believed that being alone was so terrible that they ended up settling for less?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And I've seen people really settle for less. Sadly, so much less than they deserve because they're desperate. Desperation is not a state through which you can attract and manifest the love of your life. It isn't a state for that. Another thing desperation leads to is overthinking everything. Every text, every moment of silence, every look feels like a test of your worth and their love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
You're messaging, hey, wait, wait, wait, what did you mean by that? Hey, are we on the same page? Do you really want to see me? I'm not sure. If you don't want to see me, it's okay. Right? That desperation means we're overthinking everything. That overthinking energy is not a state through which we manifest and attract love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We manifest and attract more overthinking, more anxiety, more stress, more drama. And we've all been there as well. When we're desperate, we often lose ourselves. We change our hobbies, change our opinions. We change our personality to match whatever that person wants. And we've seen where that leads. That person eventually decides to choose their own way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And we feel hard done by because we changed who we were to keep them in our life. Don't change who you are to keep someone in your life. Don't become who they are to hope they will stay. Be who you are and see who stays to grow with you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
It's so fascinating to me how so many of us trade and lose our identity in the desperate desire to have love in our lives only to realize that that energetic state doesn't create love, it creates loss. loss of ourselves and loss of that person because that person won't stick around because they'll also get a sense that you're not yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Or when you get a sense that you're not yourself anymore and you finally share who you are with them, they'll be outbroken about that. A lot of us, when we're desperate, we rush things. We skip steps. We imagine a future before there's a solid foundation. Think about that for a second. How many times have you ever imagined the future before there was a solid foundation?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
A lot of us, when we're desperate, we seek validation constantly. We crave reassurance. We read too much into small gestures. We're desperately searching for proof that we're loved, right? We want to see that. We want to feel that at every moment. We need it. That desperate act doesn't create love. It creates neediness. It creates dependency. It creates stress for the other person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And if we're desperate, we avoid boundaries. We're too scared to say no, to stand up for ourselves. We're scared we're going to push someone away. So we pull them closer by pushing ourselves away. Right? Think about that for a second. You're so scared you're going to push someone away that you pull them closer. But the way you do that is you push yourself away from yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
You get so far away from yourself so you can be so close to someone else only to push them further away because they never really got to know you. And finally, when we're desperate, we stay in toxic situations. Sadly, I know too many friends, too many people who will accept physical, verbal, emotional abuse, staying in a toxic situation without love because we're too scared of being alone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
So that's what desperation does. And as you can see, what I'm trying to paint is a picture of the state that is created as opposed to the state that we live in when love is just around the corner. Notice how like light and hopefully happy and filled or fulfilled you felt when I started talking at the beginning of the episode. And now I'm kind of feeling a bit heavy, right? It's heavy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my on-purpose podcast live and in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. Now, detachment often looks like you're too cool for school. Detachment means we push people away. We act overly independent. We reject genuine connection out of fear of vulnerability.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
I've put in so much effort into this. I would never be here with you today So much of what you'll create tomorrow Is when you'll let go of what you do today Don't let your attachment hold you back I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Now, step three is something called the Pygmalion effect. What if I told you that the key to your success isn't just hard work or talent, but someone else's belief in you? What if their faith in you could actually shape who you become? Imagine this, you're in a classroom and the teacher believes you're destined for greatness.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
She sees your potential and without even realizing it, she starts treating you differently. More encouragement, more attention, more opportunities. And then something incredible happens. You start to live up to her expectations. Your grades soar, your confidence grows, and you begin to believe in yourself more. But here's the twist. It wasn't just about your ability.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host, Jay Shetty, and I'm so grateful that you're back here to listen, learn, and grow. Now today, I'm going to talk to you about how you can become more successful than 90% of people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
It was about the belief someone else had in you. Welcome to the Pygmalion Effect, a psychological phenomenon where higher expectations lead to better performance. And this isn't just some motivational theory, it's scientifically proven. Researchers discovered this by conducting an experiment with students.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Teachers were told that certain students were intellectual boomers, though in reality these students were picked at random. But by believing in their potential, those students performed significantly better by the end of the year. The Pygmalion effect shows how our expectations shape our reality. When others believe in us, it shifts our behavior.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
It boosts our self-esteem and it unlocks our abilities that we didn't even know we had. But I know what you're thinking. Jay, no one believes in me. Well, maybe you've had a coach, a mentor, a family member, or a friend. But I know some of you are still thinking, Jay, I don't really have people like that around me. Well, here's the most amazing thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
The real power of the Pygmalion effect is it's about your own belief in yourself. If you start holding yourself to a higher standard, if you expect more from yourself, you'll start to see that belief reflected in your actions. Think about someone like Kobe Bryant, who had his Mamba mentality. It was a mentality that he aspired for, that he channeled during a game.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
It was a belief he had in himself, a potential that existed. You look at the alter ego of Beyonce, Sasha Fierce. She knows who she is in that moment. It allows her to almost be acting out of her body to be a different level of herself. What's the beast mode version of you? What's the version of you that you aspire to be like and you notice you have the potential, but you need to unleash it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
I've thought about this for a long time in my own life. When I first met my mentor who believed in me, I'd always say to him, no, I'm not an entrepreneur. I'm just a creative. I'm just an artist. I need to work for someone. I can't work for myself. I'm not an entrepreneur. I would say this to him again and again and again. And again, today I realize that I was wrong.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
I have the ability to be an entrepreneur. I have the ability to be a business owner. Why? Because I allowed myself to have that vision for myself. When people don't have a greater vision for you, remember to hold a greater vision for yourself. Not that you believe you are those things now, but that you're working towards, you're aspiring towards all of those things being possible.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
I know you can do it. I know it's possible. And I'm here telling you that. If you've never had someone in your life tell you they believe in you, here I am now. I do believe in you. I see your potential. I notice you're trying. I acknowledge that you show up here every day, every week, and you're ready for the next level. I want you to start seeing your future self and aspiring towards them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
This next one is probably my favorite one when it comes to the things the 10% do that the 90% don't. And I want you to think about it like this. Imagine you just learned about a new concept. Maybe it's a word, a brand, or even a type of food. It's on your mind, and suddenly you start seeing it everywhere.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
You hear it in conversation, you spot it in social media, and you even see a billboard for it. It's like the universe is throwing this thing at you from all directions. It could be numerology. You see 1111 everywhere. Literally while I'm recording this, it's 1222 and I just saw 222, right? Maybe it's the Cybertruck, the Tesla Cybertruck. You've been talking about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
You now see it everywhere in the world. Me and my friend were talking about the other day how we don't see a particular color of a particular car. The next thing you know, we could see it everywhere. But here's the truth. It's not happening more. It's just you notice it more, right? It's only 12.22 or 11.11 at certain times of the day. It's not happening more often, but you notice it more.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Most of us believe that the people who achieve greatness, the people who do amazing things are special, that in some way they're different from us. And here's the reality. They're different in their consistency. They're different in their creativity. They're different in their work ethic. But at the core, they're not different. I believed this myself for years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Your brain's playing a trick. Welcome to what's known as the Bader-Manoff phenomenon. The mind-bending illusion where once you notice something, you suddenly think it's everywhere. Your brain filters out everything that's irrelevant, and once it's noticed something, it starts to pay attention to it more.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
This makes you believe that it's appearing all around you, when in reality, your brain's just hyper-focused on it. And this phenomenon happens because of cognitive bias. Our brains are bombarded with information every second of the day. So to avoid being overwhelmed, they filter out things that don't seem important.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
But the moment something catches your attention, maybe a new word or idea, your brain suddenly relearns to look for it. And because you're now hyper aware of it, it appears to be popping up everywhere, even though it was always there. So how do you use this like successful people? Well, let's say you're thinking about starting a business.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
You read an article about entrepreneurship and boom, you start noticing entrepreneurship stories everywhere. podcasts, YouTube videos, friends talking about their side gigs, the Bader-Manoff effect has kicked in. It's not that there's more entrepreneurship around you, it's that your brain is now hyper-focused on it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
So whatever it is that you want to find in life, whatever it is that you want to learn about in life, plant the seed, become hyper-focused on it, and you'll see it everywhere. But hey, this also works negatively. If you think there aren't enough opportunities, you will find proof around you that there aren't enough opportunities.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
If you feel to yourself you're not an entrepreneur, you will see signs that you're not an entrepreneur. Our mind will latch on to any idea that we have planted. So the next time you want to get good at something, plant the thought. For example, if I want to launch a podcast, let me think about all the ways in which I would be a good podcast host. Let me notice those things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Let me surround myself with them and that will develop my confidence. Whereas if I start noticing all the ways I'm not, that will also dent my confidence. To get started, you want to use this principle to your advantage. Now I want to share a couple more with you. This is a big one. Don't compare your chapter one to someone else's chapter 20. Stop measuring your success by others' timelines.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Everyone has their own path and success isn't linear. Focus on your own journey without getting distracted by others' perceived achievements. unsuccessful people look at where people are today and wonder how far they are. Successful people look at and learn how those people started. They turn envy into study. Instead of envying where someone is, study where they started.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Instead of envying what someone has, study how they got it. Instead of envying the life someone's living, Study the parts of their life that are unseen. That's what it takes to become great. Two more things I wanted to share with you. You don't need everyone to like you. It's okay to be misunderstood.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Successful people understand that when you're doing things that are new, fresh, innovative, exciting, it can be too overwhelming and surprising for others. Your work ethic, your work rate, your dedication, your discipline might scare people. And when people are scared, their fear usually comes out as insecurity or noticing flaws in you. It's not about them. It's not about you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
It's what fear does to people. You don't need everyone to like you and you will never like everyone. That's the reality. And that's the final step to realize. Some relationships are meant to be short chapters, not lifelong books. Not every friendship, partnership, or connection is meant to last forever, and that's okay. Some of us never grow because we're scared to outgrow the people around us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
I used to always think, I'm not made for more. I don't think I can achieve that. I don't think I'm good enough. Things like that never happened to me. And I'm guessing that you've said similar things to yourself multiple times. How many times have you actually had an amazing opportunity?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Some of us never move forward because we're held back by the people around us. And some of us never become who we're meant to be because we think we have to be like the people we're around.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
it's okay to let go it's okay to move on and to do it respectfully gracefully and kindly you don't do this because you think you're better than people you do this because you want to be better than who you were yesterday I really hope that these principles, actually, I know these principles will transform your life. Let me know when you tag me in the stories which one resonated with you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
And I can't wait for you to join in to another episode. Thank you for listening today. I will see you on the next one. Remember, I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you. Take care. If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Kobe Bryant on how to be strategic and obsessive to find your purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
You get invited to a potential client's dinner and you don't even show up because you're so scared of ruining it, you don't even try. Or what about this? Someone says to you, you know what? I know you're trying to get good at website design. I'll actually pay you to do it. And you say, no, no, no, I'll just do it for free because I'm not that experienced.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
We sabotage ourselves, we sell ourselves short, and we don't build even when opportunities are coming. This is why I truly believe that all of us have had opportunities. We've had moments where we could have been better, performed better, had opportunities to grow, but we weren't ready for them. And it's because we're not doing what the 10%, what the 5%, what the 1% are doing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
And that's what today's all about. I want to walk you through the tools, through the ideas, through the insights that you may miss, that you may not notice. Maybe you didn't grow up around an entrepreneur. Maybe you didn't grow up around a high achiever and you didn't get the opportunity to learn this from them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
I believe that productivity, effectiveness, and achievement are all possible for you and for me. And here's what I want you to do. I want you to get your notebook out. And if you're walking, if you're running, if you're at the gym, don't worry. Just take a screenshot of the moments I mention things that you know you need to come back to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
And this is one of those episodes that you're going to want to send to a friend, a family member, because I want you to share the insights so you get better at practicing them. Here's the first one. If I told you that to become more successful than 90% of people, you had to focus on one thing. And that one thing was patterns. Would you believe me? Would you get it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
I mean, I've even wanted to write a book about this and I don't because I just think everyone's going to look at me and think, Jay, patterns, what do you even mean? Well, here's the point. If you look at anyone who's had success in any industry, it's because they understand patterns. If you look at people who are brilliant at investing,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
whether it's property or stocks, they know when to get involved. They've followed the pattern long enough to know when to get in and when to get out. It's a pattern that they've analyzed and observed and learned. If you look at people like Mr. Beast, who've had incredible success on YouTube, why does that happen? Because he's understood the pattern.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
He's understood the algorithm, which is just another word for pattern. And he's observed that pattern, mastered that pattern, and then delivered to it. He knows what to do in the first three seconds. He knows what to do in the last nine seconds. He knows what to do in the middle to keep your attention. He's mastered a pattern.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
If you look at your favorite movie, you look at your favorite TV shows, there's a rhythm to the script. There's a pattern. And here's what's true. The most successful people in the world are either pattern observers or pattern makers, pattern disruptors, but they're definitely not one thing, pattern followers.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
See, what's really interesting about the 10% is that they're pattern observers, pattern makers, pattern disruptors, but most of us are pattern followers. We're the consumer. We follow the pattern. We follow pages. We use what we're given and we use it to consume. We don't use it to create. We don't use it to build. We don't use it to think. We use it to consume. We use it to consume our time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
We use it to pass time. We use it to pass waste energy. We don't use it to create, build, disrupt, or observe. If you think about the amount of creators there are in the world that are social media creators versus the number of social media consumers, we have the numbers in front of us. The majority of people in the world, the 90% of the world are consumers.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
They're watching, liking, commenting, sharing. Now there's nothing wrong with that. I too am a consumer. And sometimes to be a good disruptor, maker or observer, you have to be a follower. You have to be a consumer. But then you have to do more with it. Once you have followed, once you've lived in the established patterns, systems or structures, you have to get good at observing them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
A pattern observer or a pattern seer is great at recognizing existing patterns, trends, or connections. They can observe and identify relationships, often excelling in analysis and foresight. They have the ability to strategize based on their findings. So for example, if a social media creator sees, oh, when I start a video that says, hey, did you know?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
they realize that people click five times as more times. And when they put a call to action at the end, they realize people share the video more than three times. If I observe that, I can now apply that when I create. If you see that some of the biggest brands in the world today, before they launch, they start a mailing list. Something exciting is coming soon. Be the first to find out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Everyone subscribes to the mailing list. They discover how many people are interested. If you observe that pattern, you too can use it for your business. Too often we're trying to reinvent the wheel. We're trying to start from scratch. We're trying to build from the beginning, from the bottom. The reality is someone else has figured it out. Can you watch that pattern? Can you notice that pattern?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
And if you can, you become a pattern observer and then ideally you apply it. Now, if you get good at observing patterns, you might have the ability to become a pattern maker. These individuals create new patterns, systems or frameworks. They're innovators who build solutions, processes or artistic work that didn't exist before.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
And they've studied the pattern so well that they know how to build for it. They know how to create for it. But now, there's one more person, the pattern disruptor, the rarest of them all. These people challenge or break existing patterns. Take someone like Steve Jobs, who invents the smartphone at a time when everyone still had buttons on their phone and small screens.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
when you think about the origination of Spotify by Daniel Ek, when you think about the rise of computers, when people didn't think everyone needed a personal computer, they just believed that there'd be a few for the whole world. These people are rebels or revolutionaries.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
If you think about the founders of social media apps who created an online universe that didn't exist before, but even disrupted the patterns. So you can see that anyone who is successful is obsessed with patterns. And I want to ask you, whatever industry you're in, whatever place you're in, Have you understood the pattern of the industry? What's the pattern of the person who gets promoted?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
What's the pattern of the person who gets selected? Now, our mind will try and say things like, oh, it's just because they've been sucking up. Oh, it's just because they're the ones who's, you know, they've just been around the longest. All of that may be true, but challenge yourself. Challenge yourself to observe the pattern. If you observe the pattern, you will master that place.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
If you look at good health, it's a pattern. How much protein? How much cardio? How much strength training? If you look at anything you want to be successful at life, learn the patterns. And learn the patterns from the pattern makers and observe it. And sometimes... Don't even listen to what they say. Watch what they do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
A lot of us sit there and we listen to someone teaching us the pattern when actually, if you want to be the best pattern reader, watch it. Watch the person do their art masterfully. That's step one. Now, the second step about becoming more successful and impactful than 90% of people is asking yourself this question. Are you busy? but doing all the wrong things. Think about this for a second.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Imagine this, two people walk into a room. One sees a handcrafted desk and thinks, that's pretty nice. The other sees the same desk, but gasps. This is a masterpiece. Why do they have a different reaction? The second person spent two frustrating hours assembling it from flat pack pieces, cursing over missing screws and doing the work. This is known as the IKEA effect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
It hijacks your brain and makes you believe your effort has magically transformed something ordinary into something extraordinary. And this isn't just about furniture. It's why parents treasure their child's scribbled drawing more than a piece of Picasso's art. It's why startups cling to ideas others call doomed. It's why your half-baked project feels like a work of art.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Psychologists discovered the IKEA effect through experiments where participants built simple things like Lego models or origami. The shocking result? People were willing to pay significantly more for the creations they built, even when they looked objectively worse than a professional version. effort plus ownership equals value. And why is that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Our brains crave meaning and effort creates attachment. The harder we work on something, the more we feel it's part of us. Now, that's not a bad thing. It means we should take ownership. We should grow. But here's what successful people do. They realize that the IKEA effect can blind us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
It makes us cling to bad ideas, dysfunctional relationships, or failing projects simply because we've poured so much of ourselves into them. It's a psychological trap. The more effort you invest, the harder it becomes to let go. So the next time you find yourself obsessively defending something you've built, ask yourself, do I love this because it's great? or because I made it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
The most successful people in the world are good at being detached. They're good at quitting something. They're good at leaving something behind when it isn't great and they can't make it better. They're not so attached to their ideas that they think there's only one way. If this doesn't happen, nothing else will. They find another way. They build another path. They're open to the idea.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
A lot of us are too attached to the work we've put into something that we don't want to work on building something else. You've studied something for three years and graduated. So now even though you have an amazing opportunity to do something completely different, you You feel like you're wasting the three years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
You feel like you're leaving something behind that's valuable rather than feeling the inspiration and excitement of the new opportunity in front of you. You're letting what's known in economics as sunk cost bias slow you down. Sunk cost bias is where you're biased by sunk cost.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. but doing all the wrong things. Think about this for a second.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
You've already invested so much time and energy into something, you need it to become meaningful, to give your life meaning. Rather than recognizing this doesn't serve me anymore, this isn't valuable anymore, this isn't my goal anymore, and that's okay. I'll give you an example where I had to practice this. Some of you may not even know this. Originally, my community built on Facebook.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
I have around 30 million followers on Facebook, which is where I first started as a creator. And at one point, I realized that it wasn't serving me. The content I was creating, the platform was hard to grow on. And I realized I really wanted to launch a podcast. So here we are. And if I had said to myself, no, no, no, I'm a Facebooker. That's what I'm known as. That's what I have to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
The next principle is one that sounds like it should be obvious, but it's counterintuitive. It's called the rest is productive principle. Understand that rest is an active strategy for energy. Listen to this carefully. Rest isn't a luxury. It's a necessity. Rest isn't an option. It's a priority. Rest isn't something we should be hoping for. It's something we should plan for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me forward slash tour and get yours today. Listen to this carefully. Rest isn't a luxury. It's a necessity.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Rest is something we all need and deserve. It's so interesting to me that so many people will forego rest in order to be more productive, in order to be more effective, in order to be more efficient, not realizing the quality of their work is dwindling, not realizing the efficiency of their work is going down, not realizing that their productivity is decreasing. If you keep going...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
I promise you, you're not making great stuff. If you keep pushing, I promise you, you're not making anything better. And if you keep on doing it, I promise you, it's not sustainable. We have to learn to realize rest is productive. Rest is effective. Rest is strategic. So what do you need to do? Schedule rest periods.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Include deliberate rest and downtime in your calendar, whether it's a 30-minute nap, the weekend off, or an evening of relaxation. It's so easy to skip these. Most people don't even take their annual vacations and annual leave because they think they have too much to do, not realizing that we do it less well. We take longer to do short tasks. We have to work harder to do easier things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
We get weaker and weaker when actually rest would have made us stronger and sharper. It's also really important to set recovery time after work. After intense work sessions or meetings, take time to reset before jumping into your next task. I promise you it will actually make you better. I think that's the point. A lot of people think, well, I don't have time to rest.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Well, actually, if you took time to rest, everything else would become quicker, faster, simpler, easier. That's the point. And also it's about mindful rest, rest that actually helps you rejuvenate, not just switching off. The next principle is essentially the art of saying no principle. Learning to say no is a vital skill.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Every yes takes up time and energy, so saying no to low-priority things is essential to conserve your energy. And how do you say no? You have to practice it. Start small. Say no to non-essential meetings, events, tasks, things that don't align with your bigger goal. and filter opportunities. Ask yourself, will this energize me or deplete me?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Often we look at our calendar and we say, oh, there's nothing on that evening. Sure, I'll be there. But we didn't actually evaluate the thing we're actually going to, right? Do I want to go to that thing? Does that thing actually energize me? Do those people energize me? We waste so much energy and we burn out because we look at things as time, not energy, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
We live in a time management world, not in an energy management world. So if we have time for something, we'll do it. Not asking ourselves, do we have the energy for it? So here's a quick way to think about it. Every time someone invites you to do something or someone invites you to attend something, ask yourself, not only do I have the time, but secondly, do I have the energy?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
And do I know what kind of energy that event's gonna demand? Maybe it's going to demand for you to be extroverted, to meet lots of people, to shake hands, to smile, to make eye contact. And you don't want that. You really need a break. I've noticed this in my own life sometimes where I say no to something, not because I don't want to go. It's because I can't take the energy I'd like to go with.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
So the power of saying no is extremely important. This one I love as well, the small wins principle. Celebrate the little victories. Celebrating small achievements can have a significant impact on your motivation and energy. They create a sense of momentum, making larger tasks seem more achievable. Break larger tasks into bite-sized goals and make those goals your milestones that you celebrate.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
One of my favorite things to do with my team is something that we call weekly wins, where every week we'll sit down and we'll go through everyone's weekly wins and it will blow your mind what people think of, what they come up with, what they value. It teaches you so much about each other. And I think we often undervalue how much we can learn from that kind of a system.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
So many people will forego rest in order to be more productive, in order to be more effective, in order to be more efficient, not realizing the quality of their work is dwindling, not realizing the efficiency of their work is going down, not realizing that their productivity is decreasing. If you keep going, I promise you, you're not making great stuff. The number one health and wellness podcast.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
One of my favorite ways to manage my energy is to do a personal energy audit. Track your energy levels throughout the day for one week and identify your natural peak energy windows, mornings, afternoons, evenings, and note when you feel drained or fatigued. And create a personalized daily schedule that aligns with your high energy periods. So like I know that the morning hours from like 9 a.m.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
till 2 to 3 p.m., I am my best self. I'm going to do my hardest tasks in that time. So if it's writing my book, I'm doing it in that time. If it's my big podcast interviews, I'm doing it at that time. If it's studying and research, I'm doing it at that time. But I can do social meetings.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
I can do other meetings all after that time because it doesn't rely on my creative energy and my focus energy in the way those tasks do. I think so many of us, when you look at your day, it's all over the place. Maybe you've got your best energy at 4 p.m., but you're doing the least important thing. Maybe you've got your worst energy at 9am and you're doing the most important thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
And it constantly works like that. So find a way just to focus on when do you feel the most energized? I think we live in this world where everyone's like, I'm a morning person, I'm an evening person, but we've got to figure out what it is for us rather than pressurizing ourselves to be one or the other. The other thing is having a break and energizing ritual.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Implement a 30-minute recharge cycle where every 30 minutes of work is followed by a five-minute active break. This also helps you avoid feeling distracted doing that 30 minutes because you know you have it coming up and it helps you avoid mental fatigue and keeps your energy flowing. So it could be a five-minute active break like stretching, walking, walking,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
going and grabbing some water, breath work, looking out of a window, having a conversation, right? Making those different activities during that break. So after every 30 minutes, take that five minutes. Could be a couple of minutes of meditation. It's a really, really simple way to maintain your energy. I really hope that you're going to try these out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
I really hope that you put them into practice. And I really, truly hope that you get the benefit of recognizing that you deserve rest, you deserve a break. I hope you'll take one. I'm a big believer in starting with simple, easy actions that build momentum. Whether it's making your bed or taking a few minutes for yourself in the morning, these little wins can boost your energy and focus.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Today, I want to talk about how those small wins add up and how even something as simple as a body scrub can make a big difference in how you feel. Let's dive in. I'm a huge believer that when you knock out little tasks first thing, it sets the tone for the rest of your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
This could be something as simple as making your bed, getting that first cup of coffee, or whatever it is, taking care of your body. One of the easiest wins for me and something that's made a huge difference is starting my day with a simple self-care routine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Now, I'm not talking about spending 30 minutes in front of the mirror doing all kinds of complicated skincare stuff, but just a few simple steps that make me feel fresh, clean, and ready to take on the day. One of those steps, using the Dove Men Plus Care Body and Face Scrub. It's quick, it's easy, and it helps me start the day feeling refreshed,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Here's the thing, we often overlook how much our skin can affect how we feel. If you're feeling sluggish or tired, just a quick scrub in the shower can be a game changer. Now let's talk about why this actually works. Self-care isn't just about looking good, it's about feeling good. When you feel refreshed and ready to go, it boosts your energy levels and your focus.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
A lot of times we try to find external sources of energy, whether it's caffeine, energy drinks, or just pushing through. But we often forget that taking care of your skin is where your real energy starts. Here's what I've learned. When I take a few minutes in the morning to refresh my body and mind, I feel better. And no, I'm not talking about a complicated routine or taking up a ton of time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
It's about simple habits that make a big impact for me. Using the Dove Men Plus Care Body and Face Scrub is part of that. It's an all-in-one product that saves me time, it's easy to use, and it leaves my skin feeling great. When my skin feels good, I feel good, and that translates to more energy. I use it in the shower three to five times a week.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
You apply it to wet skin, rinse it off, and follow up with whatever body wash or cleaning bar you like. That's it. It's super simple, but it makes a real difference. The Dove Men Plus Care Body Face Scrub clears away dirt and grime, gives my skin that fresh feel, and it's one thing less I have to worry about. It's about simple habits that make a big impact.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host, Jay Shetty, and I am so grateful that you've joined me today. I wanted to start by saying that I want you to leave this episode knowing how you don't have to feel drained. I know that you're carrying a lot. I know that it feels heavy. And I know that it's felt that way for a long, long time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
For me, using the Dove Men Care Body and Face Scrub is part of that. It's an all-in-one product that saves me time. It's easy to use and it leaves my skin feeling great. When my skin feels good, I feel good. And that translates to more energy. I use it in the shower three to five times a week. You apply it to wet skin, rinse it off, and follow up with whatever body wash or cleansing bar you like.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
That's it. It's super simple, but it makes a real difference. The Dove Men Plus Care Body and Face Scrub clears away dirt and grime, gives my skin that fresh feel, and it's one less thing I have to worry about. Now, here's something that I think is key. You can't just focus on keeping your energy high all day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
If you're pushing yourself too hard and not making time to rest, eventually you're going to crash. Rest isn't a luxury. It's a part of staying energized. It's all about balance. I know some people talk about powering through the day and grinding it out. But to be honest, the most successful people I know are the ones who are good at taking breaks and making time to reset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
If you don't give your body and mind a moment to recharge, eventually you're going to burn out. In fact, I think the key to staying energized is learning how to refuel when you need to. And self-care, whether it's a quick shower or a few minutes of downtime, is part of that process. You want to feel energized for the long haul, and that means making time to refresh yourself during the day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Let's shift gears a bit and talk about how simplicity plays a huge role in staying energized. I know we've all heard that less is more thing before, but it's true when it comes to your daily routine. Overcomplicating things can lead to overwhelm and that takes away your energy. The goal here is to simplify these things and remove the extra stress that drains you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
The key is to find those little moments where you can simplify your life and cut out the unnecessary clutter. Make things easy, make things efficient, and make sure you're taking care of yourself while you do it. Now, if you're wondering why the Dove Men Plus Care Body Face and Scrub specifically, it's because it's so straightforward. There's nothing complicated about it. It just works.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
It exfoliates, it cleanses, and it leaves your skin feeling smooth and clean without drying you out. And you don't need to spend 20 minutes in the shower to feel the difference. Plus the fact that it works for both your face and your body is a huge win for me. I don't want to be running around with multiple products in the shower, especially when I'm traveling.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
This scrub covers both areas and it does it fast. In just a few minutes, I feel like I've given my skin the reset it needs to take on the day. So to sum up, staying energized doesn't have to mean packing your day with endless tasks or burning the candle at both ends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
The key is in the balance, making time to take care of yourself, simplifying your routines, and finding those small wins that set you up for success. Adding something like Dove Men Plus Care Body and Face Scrub to your morning or post-workout routine doesn't take long, but it makes a difference. And when you feel good physically, you're going to have more energy for the rest of your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
It's about finding those moments where you can recharge, reset, and keep moving forward without burning out. Thanks for tuning in today. I hope this helps you stay energized without overloading yourself. And hey, if you've tried the Dove Scrub, let me know how it's worked for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Or if you've got your own simple self-care habits that help you power through, hit me up on socials and I'll catch you next time. Thank you so much for listening to this conversation. If you enjoyed it, you'll love my chat with Adam Grant on why discomfort is the key to growth and the strategies for unlocking your hidden potential.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
If you know you want to be more and achieve more this year, go check it out right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
But you don't have to carry someone else's baggage. You don't have to push someone else's rock up a hill. You don't have to climb the mountain that others want you to climb. And today's episode is all about how you can break free from feeling drained and exhausted all the time to actually feeling energized and feeling present.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
And the principles and insights and ideas I'm going to share with you today, if you can just start putting one into practice, you will see your life change. So the first thing that I want to talk about is you have to start focusing on progress, and the process, not perfection. So many of us are addicted to perfection. And maybe we became that way because of our parents.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Maybe you were the kid who got nine out of 10 and your parents asked, why didn't you get 10 out of 10? Maybe you're the kid who always tried their best, but that was never good enough if you didn't finish above everyone else. Maybe you were the kid that would create something new and interesting and unique, but it didn't look perfect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Or maybe it came to you later on in life where you felt the pressure to dress a certain way, to present yourself a certain way, because everyone else was, and you've never felt perfect enough. But the truth is, Anyone who's aiming for perfection doesn't get there by focusing on perfection. They get there through iterating and shifting the process and focusing on progress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
When we say practice makes perfect, practice is all about process and progress. And what we need to do in order to do that is we have to break large projects into smaller, achievable tasks. We need to learn to celebrate small wins and milestones rather than waiting for the final result.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
We have to allow ourselves to make mistakes, embrace imperfection, and significantly reduce the mental and emotional strain. reduce unnecessary pressure, increase satisfaction with progress, and prevent emotional fatigue from perfectionism. What I want you to do is for the next seven days, I want you to start something without the pressure of it feeling perfect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Or even better than that, the next time you get asked to do a presentation, aim for 70%. Do you know that at college, if you get 70%, I remember at least in London, that's a first-class degree. It's a first-class standard, anything above 70. So whether you got 70 or 99, you got a first-class degree. But today, we even feel that 99 isn't 100, right? We even feel 99 is not perfect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Start growing and building something up to 70%. Launch it at 70%, write it at 70%, record it at 70%, post it at 70%. Everything needs to just be 70%. And what you'll find is that the more you release at 70%, the better you'll get at moving from 70 to 100. The problem is we don't start. We get stuck at 0% because we want to be at 100%. Start at 70%.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
The second thing I want to talk to you about is something I call the energy leaks principle. What I want you to do is I want you to identify and plug the energy leaks. Just as a leaky bucket loses water, you lose energy through various activities, people, or habits. identifying and addressing these energy leaks is crucial for maintaining high energy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
I think we don't realize how many things we do on a weekly basis that we repeatedly do that leak our energy. It could be watching your favorite team lose every weekend. You lose energy every time they lose, but you still turn up to watch. Maybe you lose energy when you spend time with the same people every week.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Maybe you lose energy when you eat that same thing for lunch and then you have a slump for the rest of the day. We all repeatedly do things that waste, leak, or lose energy. For the next three days, I want you to become a master at knowing where your energy is leaking. I want you to become really conscious and aware of where you're losing energy so that you can actually change it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
So the first step is evaluating toxic relationships or draining social interactions and setting a boundary to minimize them. As soon as you leave a group of people or you leave a place you go to often, ask yourself, how do I feel? Do I feel energized or do I feel drained? Do I feel enthusiastic or do I feel tired? How do you feel after a group of people?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
It's almost like when we leave a movie theater, you'll ask yourself, hey, did we like that movie? Nah, it wasn't that great, was it? It wasn't, you know, the characters were off, the plot was off. I didn't really like the ending. Or when you go to a restaurant with friends, it's really natural to rate that restaurant. I loved the pasta, but I didn't love the pizza so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
And the starters were great, but I didn't love the mains. right? It's a really normal conversation. We evaluate, and then we know whether we're going back to that restaurant again, or we know whether we'll never, ever go back ever again. But we don't do the same with people. And I'm not saying to be critical or be condescending. It's to evaluate how we feel. Is that a place?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Is that a person I want to revisit? That's the question. Is that a place or a person I want to revisit? What will happen if and when I revisit? Chances are, if I've done this long enough, I already know the result. So if I'm going to do it, I better be fully aware that I better actually be totally conscious of how I'm going to feel when I leave. The second thing is limit time-wasting activities.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Identify activities that deplete your energy without providing much return. Could be scrolling on social media. Too many unnecessary meetings. This is something I really want you to think about. If you have a Zoom call, after the Zoom call, ask yourself, could that have been a phone call? Now, after a phone call, ask yourself, could that have been a email?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Now, if it's an email, ask yourself, could that have been a text, a Slack message? Always ask yourself whether the meeting you're in is actually a powerful use of your time. And I also find that it's so interesting that our schedule has defined meetings to have to be 30 minutes or 60 minutes. But why can't they be 10? Why can't they be 15?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
How many times have you sat in an hour-long meeting and thought to yourself, this should have been a 10-minute phone call. This should have been a three-minute email. This should have been a 30-second Slack message. But we still schedule meetings. Imagine you looked at your schedule today for the next week and just re-evaluated what really was worth a one-hour meeting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
So many hours are wasted in the workplace because we think everything needs to be a meeting. Everything needs to be a Zoom call. Everyone's on it and everyone's just sitting around. There's two people having a conversation. Only two people are talking, but there's 20 people on this Zoom. Is it necessary? Is it needed?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Are we really being as productive, effective, and more importantly, are we protecting our energy? Ask yourself, could the Zoom have been a phone call, the phone call been email, the email been a Slack message? Are we using our time wisely? And if you're scrolling on social media, why not read a book? If you don't want to read a book, why not read an article?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
If you're not reading an article, why not read some poetry? What is it that you can do that satisfies, that satiates that thirst that you have to want to learn, to want to see something, to want to be entertained? I want it too. One of the things I try and do is I leave books open in different places in my home that I'm likely to sit down with my phone. And I've created a specific phone area.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
It's in a space that I get ready and I try to leave my phone there throughout the day so that that's the only area I use my phone. It's almost like what a landline used to be, right? Your landline wasn't something you could carry everywhere with you and life went on just fine, right? It's really interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
I think a lot of us are like, well, I need to respond right now, but we didn't for years, right? And we don't with our laptops. So what if you treated your phone like a landline? It stayed in that place. If you wanted to use it, that's where you went. And try and make it an uncomfortable place.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
I've made mine a place where I have to stand to use it because I know if I sit down and use it, I could be on it for hours. And I don't want that because it's a energy depleting task. It's an energy depleting space. The third step in this is decluttering your environment. A cluttered workspace or home can drain your energy by creating mental overload. Keep your surroundings organized and calm.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
I think so many of us feel that we feel overwhelmed mentally because our spaces are overwhelming, right? Our spaces are overly loaded up. Our spaces... are so busy that our mind feels busy. How many times have you ever felt that, that you feel busy on the inside because everything's crazy and chaotic on the outside?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
So our outside energy has a big impact on how we conduct ourselves, how we value ourselves, how we see things. And it's definitely something to pay attention to and look out for. The next principle is the boundaries for energy principle. Set clear boundaries to protect your energy. Without boundaries, it's easy to become overcommitted, which is what leads to burnout.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Establishing clear limits in work, social life, and personal time will protect your energy. Now, one of the biggest mistakes I think we make is that our social life infiltrates our work life. We're scrolling, we're messaging, we're commenting on Instagram during our work hours. And then guess what? Now work infiltrates our social life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
When our emailing, working, making posts or whatever we do, also when we're at home, when we're in our space. It's so, so, so important to set clear work hours, especially if you work remotely and stick to them. Turn off notifications after hours to reduce the temptation to work beyond your time. And do the same when you're at work. Respect both spaces. I think that's the interesting thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
We don't respect home and we don't respect work. We don't give ourselves the time we need. We don't give ourselves the actual space we need in either place. We're constantly bleeding and blending the lines. It's really important to protect those boundaries.
Pod Meets World
Spin
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Pod Meets World
Spin
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Poutine: Canada's Pride
Hey, ihr hört auf On Purpose mit Jay Shetty und heute sind meine Gäste niemand anderes als Selena Gomez und Benny Blanco. Ich kann nicht warten, bis ihr dieses Episode über ihre Lieblingsgeschichte, über ihre Beziehung hören könnt, wie ihr es noch nie gehört habt. Ich möchte zurückgehen zu der ersten Zeit, als wir uns kennengelernt haben.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Poutine: Canada's Pride
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: All About Egg Colors
Hey, you're listening to On Purpose with Jay Shetty, and today my guests are none other than Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: All About Egg Colors
If we would have met each other when we were younger, it would have never worked. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Why is Chinese art being stolen?
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Kai Dickens.
Stuff You Should Know
Why is Chinese art being stolen?
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Why is Chinese art being stolen?
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Kai Dickens.
Stuff You Should Know
Why is Chinese art being stolen?
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
respecting their values and then you've got a commitment towards helping them get to their goals right so that's my definition of love my definition of love is when you like someone's personality when you respect their values and you're committed to helping them towards their goals which means you have to know what your values are and theirs and you have to know what your goals are and theirs and someone asked me the other day they're about to get married and they said jay what's your advice
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And I said, do you know your partner's top three values? And they struggled. They're like, oh, I think so. Friends and family. Yeah, exactly. Very broad things. And I was like, well, what does that mean? What's the hierarchy? What's the order? And then I said, well, do you know your partner's goals for the next 12 months? And they struggled again. They were like, oh, I don't know.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
They're just settling into a new job. And I was thinking, if you don't know who your partner is and where they're going, then how are you meant to be their partner? And so to me, check-ins about these three things regularly and consistently give you a full vision of who your partner is and where they're headed. And that's so good.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Exactly. And that's the study that shows that to make some, and me and you are great friends because of this, by this definition too. And I've really thought about this. So to make someone a casual friend, you should have spent 40 hours with them. 40 hours for a casual friend. If you consider someone a good friend, you have to spend a hundred hours with them.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And if you consider someone a great friend, you should have spent 200 hours with them. We've definitely spent more than 200 hours together. But that's the question I would ask when you say like their personality, can you spend 200 present hours together? Not just 200 hours watching TV or other movies, present hours. So that's the like the person.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Who gives more love to each other? Who does more work around the house? You turn the whole thing into a competition, which is not teamwork. And conscious love is not saying you're the selfless one, it's you're making agreements. I think that's the mistake that love was constantly, conscious love was always like, be selfless, love more than the other person, give more. That's not healthy either.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
I'm not going to choose the gym. Yeah.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
What's healthy is we're actually going to create boundaries We're actually going to create agreements. We're actually going to create principles. We're going to create rules. The reason why I called the book Eight Rules of Love is my hope that it will inspire other couples to create their own list of rules in their own relationship.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
So the man wrote, you, the kids, me. And she wrote, me, the kids, you. And he was so upset.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
So anyways, I don't want to. No, no, no.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Well, he was distraught and he was really upset because, He was just like, how can I be third on your list? And even more than that, he was actually upset that she put herself first. That's what he was more upset about. He actually wasn't that upset about being third. He was more upset about how are you first for yourself?
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
How is it not the kids? And her response was similar to yours that I want to be present, energized, and my best for you and the kids. I don't want to give my leftovers to you and the kids. And I often say this to people, like if someone is emotionally and energetically dead, how can they keep you alive? It doesn't make any sense.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And so what we have to understand is someone's not being selfish by focusing on themselves if they're doing it with a selfless spirit. That's the key. So you may meet a man who's not like Lewis and says, yeah, I'm first for me. I'm first. And they're only doing that because they think they're first. There's no, I'm going to take care of myself so I can be better for you.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
That's the spirit you're looking for. So you're looking for someone who's selfish with a selfless spirit, not just someone who's selfish. And there's a difference. And it could sound like the same thing. It could even look like the same thing. You could meet someone who says, I'm dedicated to my purpose. I'm dedicated to who I am. but it's not anything to do with you.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
A conscious relationship is one that is built on a foundation of healthy agreements. Toxic love is, it's interesting when you look at the word toxic as well. Tell me. So toxic love is when your trauma is the oxygen for your relationship. Right? If you think about the word, like the idea that your trauma is what you're breathing into the relationship. Right?
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And I think that's the difference. People who prioritize self-care in order to serve, that's the self-care we want in our lives. And so that's what I encourage in people, that you should always take care of yourself so you can take care of your partner, so you can take care of your kids. You're not just taking care of yourself just. It has to go somewhere.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
No, I'd actually say that this is such a great question. I'd actually say that more of our trauma, because this is what's interesting, right? The honest answer is it depends on what your trauma is, but
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
most people's trauma comes out more strongly in how to raise kids because now it goes back to how they were raised and what they got what they didn't get how you're treated and exactly so I'd say that raising kids becomes a really
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
tension-filled point for couples because both either think the way they were raised was great or Both had bad experiences and now they're repeating them with the kids or a mix of both and so I find that kids are also triggering because now you're getting to see who they love and who they respond to, who they listen to, who they like, who they connect with.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Now, of course, kids don't have favorites, especially when they're young, they don't even know. But there definitely is that feeling from an insecure parent that I do this all for them and they just wanna hang out with you or you get the fun side of the kids and I have to deal with the stress. And I'm not saying none of that's true.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
I'm just saying that I think raising kids triggers the most amount of trauma. And I've seen that. And it's natural because you are now looking at that kid with the lens of what did I not get at that age and I wanna give it to these kids. And even though that's a beautiful intention,
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
it may not be ideal because you may overcompensate you may struggle and what i've realized generally is that with any of this we're all going to make mistakes we're all going to get things wrong but i think with our kids we want to be perfect and we want to get it perfect because we love them and we don't want to mess something up and often it's that
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
recognizing that loving them is more important than perfecting everything around them and i feel that way with my parents like i feel my mom loved me so deeply and truly that despite all the imperfection of my upbringing her love is what lives inside of me and that is something that no one's ever going to forget whereas sometimes you can set up the perfect environment around the kids but if you don't fuel it with love if you don't fill it with the oxygen of love
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
they're not going to grow up with that or remember that.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
You're just breathing your trauma into the relationship. So you bring all your baggage, all your insecurities, and you're somehow expecting the other person to inhale it all and then figure out how to respond and react. Whereas a conscious relationship is saying that I have these things. I'm trying to heal them. I'm going to make my partner aware of what I'm healing because I'm not fully healed.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And now that they're aware and I'm working on it, we can also work on it together. So I think we've all said this unhealthy idea of conscious love being you're fully healed. And then you come, it's like, that's not true. It's a journey. And so, but the thing about the journey is, are you working on yourself? Have you communicated to your partner what you're working on so that they can be aware?
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And thirdly, have you found a way to get support? I had a friend whose partner was addicted to porn. And they came up to me and they were saying that their partner feels shameful and guilty and wants to work on it. And I said, you have two choices.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
You can either leave them because you don't believe them and this affects you negatively, which it was, or you can stay with them and support them through their journey because they want to change. It's not that you're forcing them to change. And they're honest about it. They're coming to you about it. They're vulnerable. They're vulnerable. They're open about it. They're honest about it.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And what I found in that scenario was that that person was able to support their partner. Now they have a really healthy relationship. But the thing is that we can't also... A toxic relationship is also when you use someone's trauma against them. So someone's been vulnerable with you about what they're struggling with, and now you use it as ammunition in an argument to shoot them down.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And so when people are vulnerable with you, when they're honest with you, when they're transparent with you, don't use that against them because basically you're saying to them, don't be honest with me. And I think that's this really interesting thing. We all say, I want someone who's honest, but then when someone says something honest, that's uncomfortable,
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Working hard to forgive.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
We say, no, no, no, I don't want your honesty, or I don't like that. And I think you push the other person away. And so, yes, if it's really, if they share something that's really not aligned with your values, of course you can leave and move on. But chances are, if they're opening up about a journey they're on, it's worth giving it an opportunity to support them if they're serious about it.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
I love that. That's such a great point. It's such a great question too, because you also realize that we have so many flawed views of conscious love too. And so people always think like, oh, toxic love, that's the worst. You could actually be doing pseudo conscious love and that's even worse sometimes. What does that mean? Like a spiritual bypass to conscious love? Yeah.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Or like you're practicing it in a really superficial way. Like it's conscious in the language and the way you talk about it, but you're doing unhealthy things. Like, for example, you could think you're in conscious love, but you can't deal with someone's honesty. You think you're in conscious love, but you don't feel comfortable having uncomfortable conversations.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
You think, oh yeah, we just talk about good stuff and everything's positive. Everything's perfect all the time. And we never argue. And it's like, well, no, it's important to have uncomfortable conversations. And so I find that A lot of couples struggle with having these uncomfortable conversations.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
We didn't get into fight styles, but we'll get there whenever you want, because that question was so good. That question was so good. And don't feel... I'm saying this as a friend now, like off camera, in the sense of like, this is so good, bro. Like, this is an interview that I haven't done with anyone because it's not about the book and we're getting into it. So it's like...
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
don't feel any pressure to go into the like yes the stuff we're talking about is amazing yeah yeah i just reiterating as a friend yeah yeah it's so good so what were you gonna say though you were saying something i was i was just saying that this superficial idea of conscious love becomes really practiced as a deeper love so so yeah like we we don't argue uh but we avoid having uncomfortable conversations uh everything's always good but i often go to sleep at night wondering what they're thinking
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
right like it that's not conscious because it looks good it's conscious because you're constantly working on i think we're so scared of accepting that something may need fixing because that means it's broken but it's not broken there's just parts to re-look at yes what are the things that most people don't think are harmful to hurting loving relationships
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
There's a few things I can think of. I'd say there's four coming to mind right now the first one I'd say is the idea of control I think we're trying to control the other person but it doesn't look like control it looks like care and that's the interesting thing it's like it's like manipulative correct care yeah exactly so control in a relationship can often look like care
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
But deep down, you're doing it because you want to control the other person. So you want to tell them what to wear. You want to tell them how to spend their money and how to invest it. You want to tell them how to live their life and which friends are good for them and which friends are bad for them. Now it's different when that's a conversation from them to you and asking for your advice.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
But the best thing you can do as a coach, a partner, a guide, a friend is to help someone understand what their goals are. We talk about this all the time. Like we don't project what I think is a worthy life or a worthy podcast or a worthy home onto what someone else wants because we all have different values. And so I think we do controlling means,
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
I don't want to understand your values and what you believe in. I'm going to project mine onto you because I think they're superior anyway. And I feel more comfortable if that's the case. And it's very subtle. Like this is something you have to really monitor. Like, you know, I'll give an example of like I've always been driven or at least I've been driven for a lot of my adult life.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And one thing I had to be really careful for when I met Radhi was to not project my ambition and drive onto how she lived. And hoping she does the same thing. Correct, because Radhi's this beautiful, abundant, like, sun energy. Joyful, feminine, flowing. Yeah, flowing, and she's in flow. And that's what makes her beautiful. That's what makes her attractive.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
It's what makes her special to me and to everyone else who knows her. And if I try and contain that, and try and direct it towards what I think it should be, I could potentially make her lose all of that. And so I've seen my role with Radhi as being more protecting and helping her protect that than exploiting it.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And I think it's so easy for us to think, well, I'm driven and I'm ambitious and look what I've done. And so my partner should do that too. And it's like, well, maybe they shouldn't. I remember I was speaking to a client, actually, no, this was a friend. They weren't a client. I was speaking to a friend and she was saying, oh, you know, my partner, he's lazy. He doesn't work hard.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
He doesn't have any ambition. And I said, well, if you want someone who has ambition, is driven and works hard, then he's not your guy. That's basically all it's saying. And she was saying, no, no, no, but he's really kind and loving and thoughtful. And I was like, OK, well, which one do you want? And if you want both, go out there and look for it. But chances are that's tough, too.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Or if he's driven, he may not have as much time for you. That's what it was. And that's exactly what she discovered, that she was like, I want someone who's driven and present. And I was like, they can be present in the moment, but they're not going to have as much time available.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Yes. The second one, which again is subtle, and that's why I love your quality of your question, because it's like, what do we miss or what do we not see is comparison. I think we do it without even knowing. I've heard couples literally say, oh, did you see where they went for their anniversary trip? And there's some passive messaging in there.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And you're passing it off like you're really happy for this person. But really, there's this part of you that's saying, we didn't do that. Or I wish we did that. Or why don't you think of stuff like that? And I think passive aggression in comparison, comparison will make your partner feel uncomfortable. comparison is the number one thing you can do to make your partner feel devalued and unlovable.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
There is nothing like comparing your partner to another person. Now, some people will say, I'm not comparing them. I'm just saying what someone else is doing. Yeah, but you're pointing out something that we're not doing, which makes me feel like I'm not enough. Exactly.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Exactly. Exactly. And I think that comparing is so unhealthy. Two more. I think complaining about your partner too much. your family and other people, it creates a loop. So if you complain about your partner to your family, then your family's gonna check in with you and then you complain again and then they check in with you.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Now, I'm not saying you don't talk to your family about your partner, but there's a difference in saying, hey, we're going through this and we're going to therapy and we're figuring this out versus, He's so this, she's so that, they're so that. And I find that that complaining that we do, it also seeps into what we spot in our partner. We're now looking for them to confirm our complaint.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
So if we just complained about our partner and said, oh, they never do this, When we go home and they haven't washed the dishes, we're like, oh, yeah, see, I was right. And now we're double triggered. Yes. Rather than talking to them and communicating and saying, hey, when I come home from work and I see this, I'm triggered by X, Y, Z. Let's talk about this.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And the fourth and final one that comes to mind right now is this. This one's really tough because I had a friend who was going through this a lot. Whenever he was making progress in something, like let's say he got a promotion, his partner would say to him, I don't know how they promote you, I never see you work.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Diminishing them, so it's criticism. Yeah, it's like diminishing them about something that they've achieved or missed out on. Or someone saying, oh, I didn't get that promotion. And you say, well, yeah, I didn't really see you work for it. So there's criticism either way. And I think we do this because we wanna be honest with our partners or we want to tell them the truth.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
We don't wanna lie to them. Or most of the time it's because we're hard on ourselves. We're criticizing ourself for not achieving what we wanted. And now we project that criticism onto our partner for what they wanted. And criticism ends up making someone feel so far away from you. Like criticism increases distance in a relationship.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Toxic love is where both people are working independently to use the relationship to serve their own needs. That's toxic love. And conscious love is where both people independently take care of themselves so they can bring their best self to each other. Where this often goes wrong is that toxic love turns into a competition. Toxic love now is who's doing more for each other?
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
It pushes someone so far away because you've made them feel unworthy, unwanted, and not enough. And again, I'm not saying the opposite is praise your partner, tell them really nice things about themselves, but there's a way to communicate about certain challenges they're going through. It's not in the moment saying, hey, I didn't get the job. Oh yeah, well, better luck next time.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Or, oh, it didn't quite work out. And you might say, well, people don't do this. I promise you, what I'd love for everyone to do with this, I'm gonna set a little challenge. If you're in a relationship, I want you to do an audit or a count of how many of these you do every week.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
about your partner so just do it honestly honestly for the next seven days if you're in a relationship think about how often you complain compare criticize or try to control and just keep a count now you may get through the week and you only do one that's amazing i'm really really happy but if you're really self-aware and you're really questioning yourself i'd find that even i do a few of these things constantly and what's even
This Is Important
Ep 240: Weed Is Cool?
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and if you've ever felt the weight of letting go, of people, past versions of yourself, or the expectations placed on you, this episode is for you. Lizzo opens up like never before about self-love, transformation, and finding real peace in a world that constantly tries to define you.
This Is Important
Ep 240: Weed Is Cool?
I think it's also hard when the things that you stand for are the same things that you're being scrutinized for.
This Is Important
Ep 240: Weed Is Cool?
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
This Is Important
Ep 240: Weed Is Cool?
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty. This episode, Lizzo opens up like never before about self-love, transformation, and finding real peace in a world that constantly tries to define you.
This Is Important
Ep 240: Weed Is Cool?
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty. This episode, Lizzo opens up like never before about self-love, transformation and finding real peace in a world that constantly tries to define you.
This Is Important
Ep 240: Weed Is Cool?
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
This Is Important
Ep 240: Weed Is Cool?
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.