Jay Shetty
Appearances
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Welcome to the Aspire podcast. My guest today is someone I knew I wanted to have on the minute I decided to start a podcast. He's a number one New York Times bestselling author, the chief purpose officer at Calm, a purpose-driven entrepreneur, and the award-winning host of the On Purpose podcast, which currently tops the charts with over 35 million monthly downloads. Welcome to Aspire, Jay Sherry.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I couldn't agree more.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And every time I see you, everything about you is so you. You're just one of the people that like fills me up with like warmth and happiness every single time I see you. And honestly, the whole point and the purpose of me doing this podcast was really to talk to people that I aspire to, that I think the world aspires to.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
This is like a light bulb moment for me because one of the things, I mean, I have been keeping a gratitude journal since like the Oprah days, right? As a kid, I learned that that was something and I don't think I understood it so much like, you know, back then, but I really knew this makes me feel good.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And for me, it was about redirecting what was going on in my head at the time and having something else to think about. But what I do do all the time is write to people. I constantly send emails saying, this thing that you did was really seen, was really appreciated and made me feel like this. And thank you for doing that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
In the hope that they continue that behavior and maybe somebody else gets the same treatment. But I didn't actually understand like the scientific piece of it because I'm just like here writing in my gratitude journal. I didn't actually put those, you know, I always think about it as like you do someone a favor, they do something nice to you. You know, it's like just,
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
being grateful, being English, being like, you know, polite, like a nice girl. I never thought about it in the sense of connecting it to the gratitude practice.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I love that one. And you can do that in work too. Like why wouldn't you do that with your colleague?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Because we're in such a rush all the time and the winds happen and you could literally turn around and be like, you did this amazing job. I love the way you did X. It's like so simple. All right, what's the second habit?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And I'm really obsessed with this idea that in life, you can't be what you don't see. And when I look at you as an author, as a podcast host, as a businessman, as a coach, you've kind of crafted this career for yourself, which is literally a one of one experience. And you've done it all while remaining so true to your purpose and your vision. And I just wonder how you've done that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
honestly, I love, well, I love that you say that first of all, but this is one of my biggest single things. And, you know, I feel like I didn't take very much away from school at all, but there's this great quote that I love. And I think about it every day is that the more you learn, the more you earn, which is a very Emma quote. It wasn't me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It was Warren Buffett, but it's one that, you know, I'm a lifelong learner and I have been like that since I was a kid, but I think I've connected it to this idea of like just growth, right? Personal growth in my life. If I can learn something every day, learn something about someone. That is me expanding my horizons, expanding what I know. I love the way you contextualize it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's like insights, right? And that is so important for people. Like if you can make that a habit every single day, I'm just going to learn the smallest little thing. How do you practice that? Like, what do you do? What do you learn?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
What a speech. The one where he talks about dogma.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Are you, it's, it's so insane. First of all, I've taken so many parts of that speech. I keep like post-its on the inside of my bathroom mirror. So many parts of that. I've posted that speech in parts in so many ways. It's, it really is. Cause what does he say? There's a part in there where he talks about.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Thank you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's so crazy, that speech.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
So you listen to that every day as a way of learning, like feeding yourself.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah, it changes you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Oh my goodness, these habits are changing me. All right, number three.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Why is it so difficult for women, for example, to actually create that space and time? Because like I said to you, my husband will have no problem meditating and finding the time to meditate 40 minutes a day. This is a very busy businessman. He also has four kids and a lot going on. Why would so many women find it hard to make that appointment with themselves and to make the time and the space?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Like, how did you do or create that kind of career when there's clearly like no model for it?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
But just not about themselves.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Without a doubt.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Right.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
1000% as any mom would. But that's why I always talk about this idea. And I mentioned it on your podcast of putting yourself first. And I do think that at the end of the day, we've just got to get comfortable with putting ourselves first. And if you can think about meditation in that sense, that actually it's, You're doing something for the good of everyone around you because it betters you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It adds to you. It feeds you. It just is that, again, that reframing of how we think about something as being, is this taking away from everyone around me or is this giving to everyone around me? And I find the meditation piece, this is giving.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I'm just glad we're down to three minutes and not 90. This I can cope with. All right, number four.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And I know you say that, like you've heard all of these things a million times, but it is the most obvious things that have the biggest impact, right? So when you talk about these habits, because they feel simple, making it a habit, like how do you make your exercise a habit?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Collaborative? I work out at 5.30 in the morning.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I don't like this one. Am I not allowed to like some of the- Of course you are. It's like 5.30 a.m. I look like shit. I don't want to talk to anyone. That's my quiet time in the day. Like the collaboration. Could I like text someone?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
There's one I can get with.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
We all loved it when we were kids and you had to go and beat the other school. Now it's like... what we're doing.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I can get with that one.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
That's a really good five non-negotiables. And when we talk about purpose, because I feel like this is such a signature for you in every single thing that you do, when you write a bestselling book and when you do this podcast and when you go out on tour and when you're doing your coaching, every single thing that you do is fully on purpose, right? There feels like there's no accidents.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It feels like everything that you do is for the greater good. Have you been able, like, did you really understand that that was a winning formula or was it something that you just were like, this is just who I am? And how do you think about broadening your business empire and still keeping purpose at the heart of it? Like, I wonder sometimes, does it stop you from doing things?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Do you get offers and be like... I wish I could do that. If it had more purpose to it, I would take that check. But does that happen?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
But you must work with a lot of people that come to you and say, I don't know what my purpose is.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And does it always have to be in the service of others? Do you believe that? Like you wouldn't do a business, for example, if it's not helping someone, if it's not helping- I don't think it would work.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Thank you so much for joining us. These meals are packed with flavor and surprisingly generous portions. I love that I'm spending less than I would on groceries and way less than ordering out. Even better, every plate makes it easy to break out of your recipe rut. Their step-by-step instructions are simple to follow and dinner's done in 30 minutes or less.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Plus, the weekly menu is always changing so I never get bored. What are you waiting for? Dig into these flavor-packed meals your household will love. New customers can enjoy this special offer of $1.99 a meal. Go to everyplate.com forward slash podcast and use Emma199 to get started. Apply as a discount on first box for a limited time only.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
What happens if your purpose is not linked with your profession? Because I think for so many people, if you work like just some regular job that doesn't, you know, you don't find particularly inspiring. What, like, you know, can your purpose be something that is just totally unrelated to your profession?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Funny that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yes.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
All the things.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah, I believe that a thousand percent. And I also think there are people that will just find purpose outside of work entirely.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
There has to be that part. And I think that right now we're so obsessed with... you know, success. And we're so obsessed with, you know, what that means professionally. But I think there are a lot of places in my life where I take a lot of pride and, you know, it's like, I love cooking and I aspire to be a better chef every single day, but it's something that I practice that, right?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's like, I take a lot of pride. I'm going to try like a really complicated recipe over the weekend. Like it's a challenge to me, but it's something that to me, outside of what I do here every day in this building, It feels like I am learning and I'm growing and I'm leaning into like a different part of me. And I'm not saying that that is necessarily something I can get really ambitious about.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
But for me, it gives me purpose. And, you know, it's like now it feels like we've kind of lost this idea of hobbies. And I feel like hobbies can be so purposeful. You can have this other side of you that gets nurtured. And I don't know, I just like enjoy the idea of like having different parts of me and that can sometimes feel very lost.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Do you have another side of you, like a thing that you do that has nothing to do with like the Jay that we know?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Manchester United.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
So you got to go with your dad.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
See, I'm that much of a rebel. This says a lot about us. I went against my family, who were all West Ham supporters, and I went to Arsenal as like a- Good choice. Yeah, it was just, it was a good choice, wasn't it? A glory hunter, they call me in England, I think.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
No, it's amazing. I think it's really important to have these things. I want to get back because you spoke to us so beautifully about these habits for wellness, for your own kind of, you know, idea of personal growth. One of the things I think about so much is actually this idea of like constantly getting better at what I do.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And you're a coach, you're a coach for, I think a lot of really fabulous people, people that are very, very incredible at what they do and very accomplished at what they do. But do you have a coach?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah, I'm sensing a theme here, Jay. This is really like something that you believe in. But this constant learning, this constant growing, does that get exhausting? Do you get to the point that I just wonder, does... Does Jay Shetty ever get to the point where you're like, I'm so annoyed and angry. Like, do you ever just lose it?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Like, do you ever just like go nuts and not be like centered and meditative about it? And do you know what, like, please, please.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
But you don't lose your shit, Jay.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And I know you say like, you don't lose it and you don't get angry and have that feeling, but it's something that happens, right? And in business, when you're doing as many things as you do, not everything goes right. Not everything plays out the way that you want it to be. So how do you handle discourse and how would you like handle conflict or something just like not going your way?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Something that is really like, do you know what this thing is? and it was really unfair. I don't feel good about it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's the aggression part. Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Does that give you clarity? If you go into that place, that very dark place, you come out and you have absolutely clarity and you know what you need to do next?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
100%.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
You're all of those things. I talk a lot about like leverage in my own career, right? Doing one thing, learning that, mastering that, becoming excellent, and then being able to move that onto the next thing. But did you have a grand plan? Did you sit there and be like, I want to be Jay Shetty, the Jay Shetty that can do this, this, this, this, and this? Or did that happen to you?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Well, because people spin in conflict, right? What happens is you get the thing, the feeling that drives you crazy and you stay there and you ruminate on that feeling instead of processing, as you're saying, and then being able to move past something and figure out what the action is. that that takes a lot of, it's training.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's a muscle for you to be like, okay, I'm going to get past this and actually do what I need to do to move through it. And I actually think that that's a really useful tip in business because at the end of the day, we've got to move forward. You're trying to get to a place and you're ultimately trying to win.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And if you stay in that place of conflict of something like really getting to you, you don't ever get to the place where you move past it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Don't believe what your brain will tell you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I just wonder, do you think that you can be really successful in business? Really like an absolute... animal and be at the top of your game and have the purpose element and the kind of gift that you've got of like everything coming together so beautifully. Do you think that those two things are simpatico or not really?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Like at what point was there a decision where you were like, I see an opportunity here and I'm going to put that all together?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Why do you think it's not taught in business school in that same way? Like, do you feel like we're missing a module of, you know, people having, like being able to like, you know, flex that muscle of, here's how you're going to look after yourself. Here's how you're going to find purpose. Here's how you're going to like thread this, uh,
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
you know, element of self growth or, you know, or maybe even it's, it's, it's more like self love, but is that like a balance that somehow we're missing in our education, in our bit, like in our business education, or even when we just talk about business? Because if you ask me, I don't know many people that are truly like, when I talk like the mega successful people,
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
That don't sit at this, or haven't discovered the intersection of their success and some kind of either spiritual practice or, you know, something that has a deeper meaning within them. And yet it's not something that we talk about in business school at all. So like, do you reckon somebody should just miss it?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Am I just hearing that for the first time? Am I crazy?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I'll say it again. All of the most special moments happen when you close your eyes.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Right.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Meaning that you've got to close your eyes and go inside you yourself to get to a place of like real truth, real authenticity, and to be able to be and to do and be the most successful version of yourself. Like you believe that that is a part of it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
That's what happens because it's like you get successful and then you're like, oh my goodness, I need to like work on this other side of me because I'm out of balance. I'm out of whack. where it would be kind of interesting to think like, what would happen if you started that at the beginning? What would happen if you like, you know, did your business plan and thought about your launch.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And at the same time, we're like, I'm going to balance this with this other stuff that has equal weight and equal importance to make me successful and to look after me while I'm doing it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Don't build it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Wouldn't that just be the test?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Which is crazy because I feel like every single person that I speak to in Silicon Valley ever is like, yeah, but my kids are banned from whatever it is that I do when I'm working.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Like for a hundred percent.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
But not my own. And I have the information up front and I have the, you know, the education and I can see down the road what's going to happen with this. And yet I'm happy to do it. But that's where purpose-driven businesses come into play, right? Because at the end of the day, when you're doing something that is inherently good, inherently positive, when you're thinking about, you know,
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
underrepresented communities, underserved communities, when you're actually thinking about the good as the primary force, right? And balancing that with this is a business and we need to be profitable, that changes everything. And again, it would be so great if all businesses were like that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Totally, totally.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
But I think, again, it's just something that we need to speak about more and think about more and infuse as the norm, because you can be really successful as you've shown in and yet still have all of these pieces in check.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I'm glad you still feel like that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
That is it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Practice of that for you though, because I love that idea of like, you know, weeding, because I feel like if you're doing a lot of stuff, if you're trying things, you are going to make mistakes. Like I make mistakes all the time and I find it, you know, I'm a pretty easy person in going like, oh, that was me. Yeah. I made that decision and that was the wrong decision.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
But it is difficult for some people. So how do you unpick and what's the practice to be so, you know, self-deprecating and to have that muscle that every week you could go back and be like, that wasn't what I intended.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Was there such a thing? What is public speaking school?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Every day.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
But I love you for saying that because I feel like we look to somebody like you and think you've got it all figured out.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And the idea that actually you're standing there going, I don't have it all figured out. I'm trying a lot of things and I'm making mistakes because that's what people don't show. You're not posting those mistakes, but it's like you are admitting them. You are saying they happen. And in a journey, like again, you say in the last 10 years, you've made mistakes. a ton of mistakes.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I think about that for myself all the time. And in a way, I wish I could sit down. And one of the things that I intend to do on this podcast is to be really honest about the things that didn't go well for me, because it's in those things. And it sounds again, super trite. I made, you know, I had a lot of learnings when I made this mistake. but it's more than learning.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's like, well, I won't do that twice. Right. And what was the behavior in me that led to me doing that thing? And I think once you kind of dig a little bit deeper, I find it's the same things in me that over and over and over again happen. Right. Once you spot that behavior, you're able to, you know, figure it out a little bit more easy.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And so for me, it's like, I do want to talk about that stuff because it happens to the best of us. Absolutely.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yes.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
There is no way.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And it's just not possible.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's just not possible.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
A hundred percent. And what do you want now? Like, I know that you're about to go on tour, which I think is so insane and so amazing because you've got this like incredible podcast where seemingly, you know, you're in your comfort zone, you come to your heart's home even. It's so beautiful. It's such a setup.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And now you're going to, and I know it's not the first time you've done it, but that idea of getting on stage in front of thousands and thousands of people completely freaks me out. Like what makes you want to do that?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I love it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
That is what's going to happen. People are going to meet each other and they're going to be like, oh my goodness, did you listen to this episode? This was my favorite. I love him. It's just magical. I love that you're doing that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
When you think about these new types of business ventures for you, like how do you think about it in the grand sort of suite of things that you do in the brand like world of Jay Shetty? How does it fit into the mix?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
100%.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yes.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah, I can imagine. You must get so much back from it. I feel like you've got so many fans. And when I think about someone whose success is so unbelievably well-deserved, I really think about you. I think that everything you're doing is, honestly, I think you're like a one of one. You know, when I think about people who I truly aspire to create in
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
a lane for themselves, I think about you and I'm so grateful for the conversation. I think you're amazing. And I wish you even like, if it's possible, even more success than you're already having, because I really, I believe in the good of what you're doing. And before I let you go, I have a couple of rapid fire questions that I want to ask you. Here are the rapid fire questions. All right.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
How long does she meditate for?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I'm feeling very competitive.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I'm going to come and hang out at your house. What's the last thing you do before you go to bed?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
You are literally the cutest couple in the world.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
No, I have a theory about you two. I feel like you saw each other and you both looked into each other's eyes and you're like, they're so beautiful. They're so beautiful. He's so beautiful.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I feel like that's what happened. No, I'm... No, no, no.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
What are you currently aspiring to in your business life?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
What is something that you're aspiring for in your personal life?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I'm so glad I asked. What's a book that changed your life?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I know, I know.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
That's a fantastic answer. What is something that you valued when you were starting out your career, but that you don't value now?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Yeah.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And you know, that is such an amazing answer. And I think it's so relevant when, you know, it's like for both of us, right? We moved away from where we're from. We sit in a very different context now to how we grew up. And it is difficult. for you to explain that to anyone else.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And how could you, how dare you almost in fact, like even think that they would understand and that they could be, you know, beside you and get it and be super, you know, thoughtful about the decisions that you're making and feel the same way that you do. It's just not possible. So I love that advice because I think for anyone who's doing something, you are looking for people to sympathize.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
You do want the people around you to be like, I'm fully with you. And so often they're like, I'm just not. Yeah. I don't get it. I don't get it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I don't agree with it. And it's, it is too much pressure. So learning to just like, let it go and not be looking for it is very freeing.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I wish that was my last question because that was a really good answer. But we've got to go one more.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Tweak it in the edit. Okay. The last question for you is, so what is something that you value now that you didn't back then? Oh,
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Really?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And do you think that that's true so much now? Like if that is the way that your career has unfolded, there must be an element of you going, you know what? I've always been led in the right path and therefore it's just going to happen. Or do you think nowadays you have more like of a formula and you're like, do you know what? I know exactly where I'm going.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
That is like, there's so much truth there. We could just do a whole number of podcasts just on these two questions. They're really good questions. I'm blown away. That's so thoughtful. And so there's so much truth in that. Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that answer. I'm beside myself with that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Oh my God, darling. Jay, thank you so much. I love that you came and you did this for me. And I just have to tell you, when I texted you, I was like, oh, Jay, I'm starting a podcast. And I wondered if you could, you were like, what? Yes, I adore you. Like, I'm in, like, tell me where. And I was like, oh, Jayshanna's going to do my podcast.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It means a lot. It means so much coming from you. But, you know, words, people say a lot of stuff. And I think just the fact that you would, A, you come here regularly, You are just an absolute dream to interview, but it really honestly means the world to me that you would just show up and that you would do it with such ease and such enthusiasm and such thoughtfulness.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
No one's going to answer that question better than you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
This is amazing. Thank you. If you're loving this podcast, be sure to click follow on your favorite listening platform. While you're there, give us a review and a five-star rating and share an episode you loved with a friend. We'll be so grateful. Aspire with Emma Greed is presented by Odyssey. I'm your host, Emma Greed. Our executive producers are Corinne Gilead-Fisher, Derek Brown, and me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Our executive producers from Odyssey are Maddy Sprung-Kaiser, Leah Reese-Dennis, Asha Saluja, and Jenna Weiss-Berman. Justine Dom is our senior producer. Our producer is Kristen Torres. Sound design and engineering by Bill Shorts. Angela Peluso is our booker. Original music by Charles Black. Video production by Evan Cox, Kurt Courtney, Andrew Steele, Carlos Delgado, and Arnie Agassi.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Social media by Olivia Homan. Special thanks go to Brittany Smith, Sydney Ford, my teams at Jonesworks and WNE, Maura Curran, Josephina Francis, Hilary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Kate Hutchinson-Rose, Tim Meikle, Sean Cherry, and Lauren Vieira. If you have questions for me, you can DM me at Aspire with Emma Greed. Greed is spelled G-R-E-D-E. That's Aspire, A-S-P-I-R-E, with Emma Greed.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Or you can submit a question to me on my website, emmagreed.me.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
A thousand percent.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I was like, I never thought this was possible.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
A hundred percent. And it's interesting to me because with everything that you do, and I don't want to make you say, you know, you're so strategic and there's such a clear red thread through everything you do. But it seems to me that at the heart of that, you're still, you're still you, you're still, you have this purpose. You're still putting wellness at the forefront of everything.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I am so happy to see you. I cannot tell you.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
In fact, I mean, I read that you do what, 90 minutes meditation a day. We're When I think about it, we often think about ambition and wellness or this idea of self-care and putting yourself first as at complete odds with one another, right? And yet somehow it feels to me like you've been able to couple the ambition and the purpose and this idea of looking after yourself first.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It's all triangulated. Like, is that true? Is that honest?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
100%.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
loved you I love you for saying everything you shared like everyone is so addicted to everything you have to say oh well do you know what I honestly when we did that show it was a real moment for me because I said to you before like I don't really think I'd ever spoken like that in public I always speak about the businesses and so it was definitely a moment I'm glad everyone got to fall in love with you and you're as lovable in person too so it was great well here's hoping
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
It doesn't work that way. But I think it's really important that you say that because I think about that all the time, that you can be two things. You can be super ambitious and you can go at it throughout the entire week and then get to the weekend. and completely decompress and walk away from that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And I think people or humans have a really hard time with that idea of like, I can do this, but I can also do that. And you just don't seem to have that problem. Like it's just, it just comes natural to you. Who taught you that?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And you practice that through meditation, right? You really do meditate 90 minutes a day. When do you get the time? I knew you were going to say this to me today. I took a class. I went and did like a transcendental meditation class. I did it with my husband who somehow magically as a man, I didn't say that, manages to get his 40 minutes in a day. If I do 20 minutes a day, it is a miracle.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I'm so happy with myself. That's amazing. But like, tell me, tell me how, how do you get to 90? Like, I want to be able to do that.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
That's it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
We're going to get to find out if I'm that lovable. Honestly, I say it in all seriousness. When I decided to do this podcast, you were one of the first people to come into my mind. Not only because we had that lovely experience, we've since become friends. I see you kind of all over the world. Do you know what I mean? It's like a random conference. Then we'll be in an event together.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
But that is, do you know, it's so magic to me because I feel for so long we've been talking about in culture. about presence, about mindfulness, about meditation. And it's only in the last couple of years that I understood the power of meditation, what it gives to me. And I think in order to get done what I need to do every day, the only thing I need is energy, right? That is it.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
And at some point, there's a finite amount of energy. And meditation for me has become, it's almost like a recharge. And so I try to think of it in not so much as, okay, Emma, like this is taking 20 minutes away from your day. It's actually so giving to me. But the benefits of meditation, I think are really still so misunderstood, right? It's like, oh, I'm taking a minute to be calm.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
I'm like, I'm taking a minute to be clear and energized. And I come out actually with so much clarity and so many ideas. It's crazy to me. Absolutely. Absolutely.
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
When you teach, because you've had so much experience at this point through coaching and through, you know, meeting so many incredible people on the podcast, when you think about wellness and practices, what are the things that you would say to my listeners that you absolutely have to adopt? If you are living a fast paced, busy life, big career, trying to start a company, what do you need to do?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
What are the non-negotiables?
Aspire with Emma Grede
Aspire with Jay Shetty: How to Succeed in Business Without Losing Your Soul
Especially if they annoyed you.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part One: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part One: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Behind the Bastards
Part One: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part One: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part One: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Behind the Bastards
Part One: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
CZM Rewind: The Andrew Tate Story (Part 1 & 2)
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
CZM Rewind: The Andrew Tate Story (Part 1 & 2)
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Behind the Bastards
CZM Rewind: The Andrew Tate Story (Part 1 & 2)
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
CZM Rewind: The Andrew Tate Story (Part 1 & 2)
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
CZM Rewind: The Andrew Tate Story (Part 1 & 2)
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Behind the Bastards
CZM Rewind: The Andrew Tate Story (Part 1 & 2)
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
CZM Rewind: The Andrew Tate Story (Part 1 & 2)
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
CZM Rewind: The Andrew Tate Story (Part 1 & 2)
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
CZM Rewind: The Andrew Tate Story (Part 1 & 2)
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
CZM Rewind: The Andrew Tate Story (Part 1 & 2)
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part One: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part One: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Behind the Bastards
Part One: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part One: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part One: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Behind the Bastards
Part One: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part One: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part One: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: Alfred Hugenberg: The Elon Musk of Weimar Germany
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Grifters Behind The Fake Autism 'Cure' Industry
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Grifters Behind The Fake Autism 'Cure' Industry
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Grifters Behind The Fake Autism 'Cure' Industry
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Grifters Behind The Fake Autism 'Cure' Industry
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Grifters Behind The Fake Autism 'Cure' Industry
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Grifters Behind The Fake Autism 'Cure' Industry
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Grifters Behind The Fake Autism 'Cure' Industry
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part Two: The Grifters Behind The Fake Autism 'Cure' Industry
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part Three: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part Three: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Behind the Bastards
Part Three: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
Part Three: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
Part Three: The Pol Pot Episodes: How A Nice, Quiet Kid Murdered His Country
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 175
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 177
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 177
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 177
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 177
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 177
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 177
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 177
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 177
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 176
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 176
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 176
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 176
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 176
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 176
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama. To whom much is given, much is expected.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 176
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 176
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Behind the Bastards
It Could Happen Here Weekly 176
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Bone Valley
Jeremy | Chapter 3 - Never Turned Her Back on Me
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Bone Valley
Jeremy | Chapter 3 - Never Turned Her Back on Me
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Bone Valley
Jeremy | Chapter 3 - Never Turned Her Back on Me
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Bone Valley
Jeremy | Chapter 3 - Never Turned Her Back on Me
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: The Rudy Of Dating
Hey, you're listening to On Purpose with Jay Shetty, and today my guests are none other than Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: The Rudy Of Dating
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: The Rudy Of Dating
Hey, you're listening to On Purpose with Jay Shetty. And today my guests are none other than Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: The Rudy Of Dating
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: After Date Double Trouble
It's not me anymore. Whoever Lizzo is to the world is not really even me. And that disconnect is depressing. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: After Date Double Trouble
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
If you can't see something in your mind, you can't create it in your life. And so instead of looking at life through these two extremes, maybe there's a middle path. And the middle path could be that, wait a minute, maybe I don't need to quit my job. Maybe I can stay at my job and then build my passion and build my skills and learn and expand my network.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Yeah, I'd have to agree. I think everything that Michelle just said, I think really summarizes the challenge. And he used a line that said, seemingly at odds. And I think that's exactly what it is. It's like we live in this world now where it's either either or. Like I can either have success and ambition or I can have love and relationships.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
I can have an amazing family and home or I can have an amazing career. And what's fascinating about it is that it's actually a block in the mind. And I feel like if you can't see something in your mind, you can't create it in your life. And so instead of looking at life through these two extremes, maybe there's a middle path.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And the middle path could be that, wait a minute, maybe I don't need to quit my job. Maybe I can stay at my job and then build my passion and build my skills and learn and expand my network. And maybe this thing that feels like a big risk and feels like a big jump and a big leap, maybe I can make it feel like a series of steps that make it feel seamless and smooth.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Maybe it doesn't need to be, if I don't go all in, then I'm not going to make it. And I think sometimes also our mindset today is if I don't go all in, then it doesn't matter. But then if you don't go all in, you're just all out. You never try. You never gave it a go. And I think also the perception of thinking that if I have a family, it means I can't take risk.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Going back to your point of the why, Michelle, I feel like A lot of us don't realize that maybe the partner you're going to be with is going to be attracted to your ambition. Maybe they'll be attracted to the fact you want to take a risk. Maybe when you're honest with them about who you are, they'll say, you got to go for your dreams. I don't want to be with someone who's settled.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And so I think you can't preempt that. It all depends who you attract and who you choose.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
I think there's a feeling we have that if I do one thing, then I'll do it perfectly. And so that perfectionist mindset, we feel, well, if I just focused at home, I'd build a perfect home. Or if I focused on my career, then I'd build a perfect career. And the truth is we're going to do both imperfectly whether you gave them 100% attention or 50-50.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And I think what I hear in Adrian and I empathize with it, I genuinely do, is we're all struggling to give ourselves permission to make mistakes on both. Yeah, yeah. And there's this feeling today that I have to get it 100% right. And the truth is, we're going to fumble and we're going to fall. And maybe one day I'm not going to be the best at work.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And maybe I am going to say something to my wife that I regret and I want to take back. And maybe I'm not going to be present at every recital. And maybe, and that's the reality. And I think we've stopped looking at life as this real, honest, transparent, flawed-filled dance.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And we almost want it to be like, well, if I devote my life to this, then I will be able to eliminate all forms of trauma, pain, and stress. And I just don't think it's real. So I think we're seeking that permission. I think that we're looking for someone to say, it's okay.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
No, I was listening to you, Michelle, and just relating in our own unique and different way to so much of what you said. When I met my wife, I just left the monastery and I was in debt. I didn't have a job. And even though I was a first class honors degree graduate, I couldn't get a job because surprise, surprise, no one wanted to hire a former monk. Right. Why not?
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Sitting still and being silent? We don't need that. But it wasn't valued. I remember going... I wouldn't even get a job interview, actually. I was applying online and I wouldn't even get invited to the next stage. It was quite hard on my own self-worth and... I was starting to date this girl at the time, who's now my wife. How old were you? I was 25, going on 26.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And so I was younger than Adrian, so I understand that there's a difference there. But there was a part of me that just thinking, will I ever get a job? Like, who's ever going to give me a shot? And I'm so grateful to my wife for sticking through all of that with me and navigating it with me and never ever making me feel pressure.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
I think that's what I'd give her credit for is I've never felt pressure from her for a certain type of lifestyle, a certain set of things, even today. And I think that's what allowed me to take more risks. It's what allowed me to dream bigger. It's what allowed me to... try new things and fail and go backwards and forwards.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And for Adrian, I would encourage him, like I think we all are, of be honest about who you are, be transparent about what you want. And if you're not out there meeting people and having these conversations, you're going to assume that everyone wants you to be set up, steady and stable rather than ambitious, dreaming and navigating what that looks like.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And so one of the things I think would be helpful for... him is to start meeting people, is to start dating, and also talk to friends who are in those environments. Talk to his friends who are entrepreneurs, who have left the world of work. Talk to them about who's friends with their circles, who's connected, because you're also going to find them in similar spaces.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
It's going to be more likely that one of your friends says, oh yeah, I just met this person. They're also trying to be an entrepreneur. They also want to be with someone who's figuring it out. And I think that culture today is growing compared to when you met or when we met. I feel like the culture today of people building interesting lives together is spreading further.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Based on that, it would be in the wild.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Thank you.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And maybe this thing that feels like a big risk and feels like a big jump and a big leap, maybe I can make it feel like a series of steps that make it feel seamless and smooth. Maybe it doesn't need to be, if I don't go all in, then I'm not going to make it. And I think sometimes also... Our mindset today is if I don't go all in, then it doesn't matter.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Grateful to be here. Thank you so much. It's great to see you. Thank you. Thanks so much. Craig, it's wonderful to meet you.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Oh, that's very kind. Well, that's because of her. Everything she said is beautiful. No, no, that's because of you. We already know.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
That's the biggest weakness. And our greatest strength is our network, is our community. And so don't put yourself in a position where you're your only stability and foundation, which is where Adrian's kind of at right now.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Yeah, I think what Adrian needs is practical advice is how can you look at this differently? How is there not only two choices? We've all said this today. What's that third choice? What's the middle path? What's that version that puts them together as opposed to separates them apart?
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And so I think that's the most practical advice for Adrian is let's approach this through a new lens where we're now not looking at it in a divided way and wanting a harmonious life. That's not going to happen. Yeah. The second practical advice I'd say to him is stop trying to predict, project, and assume everything.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
There's this feeling, and we all do this, we plan, project, and predict the partner we're going to meet, how our profession's going to go, how things are going to be. And I think both of you would say, having lived life more than I have, it rarely goes to plan. Like it pivots so often. And so be open to the pivot.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
I think we place so much emphasis on making the perfect decision that we sometimes don't even ever make one. And so I think be active, start that company on the side, get out there and date, stay at the company and keep doing well, start putting things into practice and then pivot rather than trying to theorize perfectly in your mind how everything's going to play out.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Is that true? That's true. That's 100% right.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
I'm not a dad yet. And I think about that often. So I'm going to be hopefully joining the ODC.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
I'm so touched by that. But honestly, I think the pleasure is all mine.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
mind to sit with you both to learn from you both to hear about your stories and i'm so grateful you're doing this format because i think there's something special about siblings sitting together and sharing their journey and the amount you know about each other i think it's beautiful and i think this will inspire a lot of siblings a lot of family connections to improve thank you for being such a wonderful examples thank you for inspiring me to want to do more with my sister now
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
We're calling her. Thank you so much.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
Wow, that's a great question. That's a great question.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
You're doing better than me right now. You've stumped me already. The thing I'm asked about least... probably is my family. And the fact that you're both doing this together just shows how important family is and how much it shapes us and how much it molds us. And I would say my family experiences are a huge part of why I do what I do today.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And I've never spoken about this before, but I have a really beautiful relationship with both my mother and father But I mediated their relationship ever since I was a young boy. And so I found myself at 10 years old, sitting with them individually, listening to them, trying to understand them, giving them a shoulder to... rest on, to feel seen, heard, and understood. Wow.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And I feel that all the work I try and do today to try and help and serve the people online or wherever it be, through my books or my podcast, comes from, I feel I've just played that role my whole life. I remember doing it for my parents and recognizing that they were both beautiful, wonderful people, but had their differences.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
And to be able to recognize that at an early age, I think has allowed me to not have this divided thinking of it's one or the other.
IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson
Pursue What You Love Before You Pursue Love with Jay Shetty
I would like to think that I took good notes and that helped a lot of what to do, what not to do. And I think I'll be happy and satisfied if I figure out how we can help more people get to that. I think that's the hard part.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I had to deal with a lot of trauma to get to this point. I believe you're worthy of love and you deserve love. I know what was done to me was not about me. Everyone in the world thinks that romantic love is the highest form of love. I'd argue that a mother's love for her child is far more the truest, purest form of love.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
So Indian parents are very interesting, but I would love to, and I want to hear your thoughts on this too, because I feel like, I'm sure you've done things that, you know, were counterintuitive to what family wanted. So I want to hear about yours. But I would say my mom is my number one fan. And I think that's a mom way to be.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
So my mom's always like, I love it when I see your mom post what each of you are doing and what you're up to. She's so proud and it's so sweet. And my mom's like that too. I'll be like, mom, don't tell anyone this. I'm just telling you, I'm going on Chloe's podcast. Don't tell anyone. And she'll be on the phone to her friend, telling her everything.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And she would get a call from like some random insurance company or like whatever it is. And she'd be like, oh yeah, did you know my son's sense? And so my mom's a sweetheart and I'm happy for her to have that because she sacrificed so much for me. My mom was the main breadwinner. She made us breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. She dropped us to school.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Me and my younger sister, she picked us up from school. She made us dinner. She did our homework with us and then went out to work and came back. So my mom is super woman and incredible. And she's been through so much hardship in her life that if that makes her happy, I'm like, have it. And yesterday we were at a team dinner and we were playing that game, We're Not Really Strangers.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I don't know that game. It's a really good card game where you just pick cards, but they have really good questions.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Yeah. And so we were playing it with my team and I picked one and my one said, what was your happiest memory this year? And my happiest memory was my mom came out to spend some time with me in LA. And my mom's quite a restless, busy body. She always wants to do stuff. She always wants to be active. And this was the first time in my whole life I'd seen her just be at peace in my home.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And I was so happy to see that because she's 70 years old and to see her be so comfortable with herself without needing to do anything, it was my happiest memory of the year. So all of that to say, my mom is very happy. My dad's a man of few words and he will sometimes say something, but it will be like the tiniest thing.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And I'll tell you something, Chloe, that really resonated with me because of all of this. I'm sure you can relate to this. I found over time, and this isn't just about me, it's about all of us. I found that ultimately no one will ever be able to truly celebrate or validate you for what you do.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Like as your friend and as someone who appreciates you and I, you know, since the beginning, I always loved seeing how you are you know, we're true and everything else, just like how special that bond is for you. No matter how close you are with anyone, only you know, as a mother, how much love you have, how much you've sacrificed, how hard you've worked.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And the only person who can validate you is you. And so even my parents who love me, who've sacrificed so much for me, they can't validate me and I can't validate them. I can try to understand them and I should. But I really learned over time that I have to validate myself. I have to close my eyes and thank myself, celebrate myself, appreciate myself. Are you good at doing that?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I've learned I've had to be because I started to realize that no one else could do it for me. Even, I'm sure you have it. Let's say you have a great success, like something with Good American or whatever it may be. And someone says to you like, oh, Chloe, that was incredible. And it feels good. But there's still something else.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And I think a lot of us have relied on other people to make us feel good, which is why we don't know how to make ourselves feel good, which is why whenever something happens, we're waiting for the messages or the look or the acknowledgement. And when it doesn't come or it doesn't come as deeply, it almost feels like we haven't achieved enough.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And then we keep trying to get to that next mountain and that next mountain and that next mountain, hoping that if we do something bigger and better, more people will celebrate us. but actually they just get more immune to it. And so I've really become good at practicing it because I've learned that if I can close my eyes, validate, appreciate, and celebrate myself, there is no better feeling.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And I think it's so antithetical because most of us find it cringy or weak or whatever it may be, but the truth is... Or egotistical. Or egotistical.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Well, you being so kind and gracious, I'm really touched by that. And I think for me, when you grow up in an Indian family, you have three choices. And the three choices would be a doctor, a lawyer, or a failure. And it really does feel like that sometimes. I feel like I grew up not even knowing what careers existed beyond a certain set.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Yeah. And I hope you'll do that. I hope you'll take a moment. I hope everyone who's listening and watching will do that today. Just close your eyes for a moment. Validate something that you want everyone to validate. We all want to be validated for something. You're a really hard worker. You're a really good mom. You put your best foot forward every day. You're a kind person.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
We all want to hear those things. And let's say them to ourselves. We all want to be appreciated for some part of ourselves. And we all want to be celebrated for something. And I just feel like we have to start with ourselves. We have to do it for ourselves because then when someone else does it, it's a bonus. You appreciate it. You can also honor them back.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Whereas when you're waiting for it for someone and it never comes and they don't have time for it. I'll give you an example. Like my wife, I remember this a few years ago. My wife said to me, I've had such a hard day. And I said to her, tell me about it. I've had such a hard week. And what I was doing was I was using her opportunity to just express how she felt with me to validate myself.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Because I wasn't validating, I was working hard. So I was taking her moment of being like, oh, I've had such a hard day, babe. And I'm like, yeah, tell me about it. I'm working way harder than you are. Like I had to make it about me. And afterwards, when I sat there and I apologized to her, I was thinking, why was I doing that? And I was doing that because I don't validate myself for working hard.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I'm waiting for it for someone else. And so as soon as someone else opens up, I'm hijacking their validation and making it about me. So you think about all the relationships in your life that would be bettered if you went stealing someone else's validation.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Yes. Yeah. I've been one of those guys.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And I think for me, what inspired me a lot was I was studying the lives of people that really inspired me. And that's why I love what you're doing with Wonderland, because I felt like my teens were kind of like that. I was exposed to so many different stories, biographies, autobiographies, people that I'd never met. And I was reading about Martin Luther King.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
There's, there's four check-ins I like to do with my wife every week. Yeah. So one of them is a check-in we do every single week. And the question is, what was your highlight of the week? And I love that because it lets me see what she values. It lets me see what's important to her.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
So if she's like, oh yeah, my highlight was I talked to this really cool guest on my podcast and they were talking about so many interesting things. I'm like, oh, got it. Like she's passionate about whatever it may be. And I feel like when you tell someone your highlight, you learn so much about them.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And that's also mirrored with, she can tell me what the hardest thing was she went through that week. Every month I'll ask her, what do you need help with this week? That way I know what she's struggling with. So she might just be like, or actually it's usually me. I'm like, hey babe, I've got a really busy month this month. I've got like back-to-back days, schedule's crazy.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Just please know that I'll be present as much as I can. But if I'm on my phone a bit or whatever, just let me know. Just give me a second. Give me some grace and let me know because I might not be the best version of myself at all times. So that's every month. Every quarter, this one's a tough one, but it's really helped us.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I always ask the question, is this relationship going in the direction we want? And if it isn't, what are we both willing to do? So are we both going and moving in the way we want to? And if it isn't, what are you willing to change? And what am I willing to change? And every year, the obvious ones I'll say, what's your goals this year and how can I help you?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And so I feel those check-ins are so important because the first one tells me what she loves. The second one tells me what she's struggling with. The third one tells me what I need to change and what we need to do. And the fourth one, again, tells me where we're going. And so those four check-ins have become a part of a regular part of our lives now. I love that.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Sometimes she gets annoyed when I bring them up.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I was reading about Malcolm X. I was also reading Dwayne The Rock Johnson and David Beckham. And that's where it comes in. I had this balance since day one. And what I found in all of them was that they had faith and spirituality somewhere. It existed in some part of their life. And what was beautiful is that you could see that these people were always driven from a deeper place.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
So I think it's so important to do that. It's so great that you have those rituals with them already.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Yeah. First of all, I want to say how great it is that you can accept that no matter how amazing a mom you are and how great the kids' childhoods are, that there will be inevitably. I say it all the time to my wife. Whenever we're talking about having children, I'll always just say, we're not going to get it perfect. And they're going to have something that they disagree with what we did.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
No matter how well-intentioned it was, no matter how thoughtful we were, no matter how many hours we both spent trying to be so conscious, they're going to find a way. Like I know kids whose parents pushed them too hard and they're like, oh, I was pushed too hard. I wish I had more free time. And then I know people who had loads of free time and they're like, I wish you pushed me more hard.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I'd be more disciplined. And so there's always going to be that. For me, there was a really interesting one and it's, For me, what's fascinating is a lot of my wounds and triggers come out in my relationship with my wife. That's where I see them. And I think I see them there very visibly because I'm most myself with her, but also because I'm most honest with myself in how I am with her.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Because I want to love her and I want to be a great husband. That's the part where I evaluate myself the most because it's a role I take seriously. So... I found that when me and my wife first got together, we've been together for 11 years now, I would be one of the most overloving people. So I was really good at like showing up, but being over the top in love.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
But what I would do is I'd then make her feel guilty if she didn't over love me back. So I do all of this stuff because I wanted to, not because she asked. And then if she didn't reciprocate at the same level, I would then make her feel guilty for it or as if she didn't love me as much. And I realized that that's how my mom loved me growing up. It was how my mom loved me.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
My mom loved me and my sister with all her heart, but then we often were made to feel guilty if we didn't live up to that. And so that's how I was loved. So that's the only way I knew how to love. And when I kept doing it to my wife and it just kept pushing her away and I saw her becoming more distant And I saw that she didn't love me more when I made her feel guilty. She loved me less.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I started to question, what am I doing? Where does this come from? Why does it exist? And I realized it all came from that, in that I was loved in that way. So when you say, how do you spot these? I always call it... focus on the gifts and the gaps from your parents. Your parents gave you certain gifts.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Now we expect those gifts from others and not everyone's gonna be able to live up to our parents' love. And then our parents left gaps. There were ways in which they didn't love us and now we want everyone else to fill them. So those are the two types of trigger that we all feel. And so if you look at your life and go, what gifts did my parents give me and where do I expect them?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And what gaps did my parents leave? And where do I expect other people to fill them? That gives you a really clear way of noticing where your trauma stems from. And so as soon as I noticed that, I realized that if I wanted to have a healthy relationship with my wife, I had to love her how I wanted to love her and let her love me how she wanted to love me.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And as long as we were willing to accept both of those, there was a healthy relationship there. But if I was going to force her or want her to reciprocate in the same way as I was giving, And I was setting us up both for failure.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And when I would read the words of Martin Luther King, or I'd read the words of Malcolm X, I'd always feel like they were just living in this invisible world inside. And I just thought to myself that if everyone in my life that I respect and admire have all worked from a deeper place, then maybe that's something worth pursuing. And I think it was very simple and basic, if I'm honest, Chloe.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I just want every day to be filled with love. I believe that I'm worthy of love, I deserve love, and I believe that she is worthy of love and she deserves love. I believe you're worthy of love and you deserve love. And because I don't want to live a day without love. I think life's too short to live any day without love.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I'm willing to give up or sacrifice anything in order to put love at the center of my life. Because I've seen loveless relationships. I've seen loveless friendships and family members. A loveless life is never gonna be a fulfilling one. And that's one of the things I appreciate so much about you and your family
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
whenever I've spent time with any of you in different configurations, there's so much love, like there's so much love you have for each other and it's true and it's real. And the appreciation that, you know, that you have for one another and the respect you have for one another, it's so powerful. And it's, it's really beautiful to witness because I think that
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
also we've put romantic love on this pedestal where like everyone in the world thinks that romantic love is the highest form of love. And that if you have that, you mastered love, right? If you've had a long marriage, you must've had the most love in your life.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And I actually think we've set ourselves up for failure because if we're saying that romantic love is the only number one love and all the other loves are kind of like whatever, we're missing out on so many more opportunities. And I'd argue that a mother's love for her child is far more the truest, purest form of love, which is what all the spiritual literatures say.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And you experienced that as a mother, I've experienced it as a son. And so I actually think watching families find love, watching siblings find love, watching parents and their kids find love should not be undervalued or underestimated as filling your life with love.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I saw a lot of people around me who were doing well financially, who were doing well materially, who were doing well career-wise, but they weren't happy. And I think when I was 18, I'd met people who were beautiful. I'd met people who were rich. I'd met people who were strong and powerful, but they weren't happy and fulfilled.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Yeah. Can I ask you something about that? Of course. How did you learn to not take it personally? Because I think that's... What makes the difference in when we still feel lovable and when we feel we're not deserving of love? How did you learn that everything that happened to you almost wasn't personal?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I'm willing to give up or sacrifice anything in order to put love at the center of my life.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And so I thought to myself, when I met the monks, I was like, they seem happy. They seem fulfilled. Now I have to caveat that with, I don't think it's because you can't be happy in the material world. I don't think it's because you can't have a fulfilled life with a day-to-day job. I really have to clarify that. I think I just hadn't had that experience. So for me, it was curiosity.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Don't we all? That's so beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. It's so beautiful to hear that. I'm sure it's going to help a lot of people hearing that because I think most of us do the opposite in those moments. And I'm sure you did for some time, but it's beautiful when someone's come out the other side.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Yeah. Yeah, I've learned over time that... Whenever you kind of mock or laugh at someone else's experience, the universe finds a way to give you the same experience. I've had that happen to me so many times where you just think, how could you be affected by that? That's so insignificant.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
One of my friends and I, one of my best friends and I would always just be like, oh, we don't understand how people cry about stuff like that. And then we both went through something. We like crying. To each other on the other side of the phone, you know, just we're being all alpha male about it before and being like, oh, come on, he's got no issues. What's he crying about?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
It happens all the time. It happens all the time. And so you've got to be so careful what you disregard in someone else's experience or kind of shrug off or you laugh out or you go, oh, God, what do they know? Like when you're doing that, you're just setting it up for you to learn the same lesson. And it's way more painful than if you were just understanding and conscious with that person.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
There was a desire to A big part of it was wanting to master my mind. I just really felt that a lot of emotions that you experience in your teenage years, I just felt this calling to say, if I could master my mind, that would be a worthy pursuit. And if I could figure out how to serve other people, that would be a worthy pursuit.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
You don't know them and they don't know you. No.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I appreciate it. No, thank you for having me and just, you're such a brilliant host.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Like I really felt like we were just hanging and chatting on the couch and it really did feel that way.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And I want to thank you and your whole family for just having been so wonderful to me over the years. I'm so grateful to each and every one of you. And I'm always here for you too. If there's anything, I'm always rooting for you. I'm forever in your corner.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And the monks had both of those things where they were trying to master their emotions and help people. It's what you said at the beginning of this, that you do so much to... building credible platform, but then you also want to know how to have an impact. They were the first people I met that embodied both things.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Yeah, it was definitely hard when I made the decision because all of my friends and family were super confused. They thought, how are you going to give up? You're going to graduate. You're going to get a great degree. always been a straight A student. And now you're going to give that all up to become a monk and like why? And so no one could really understand me.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
No one could, no one was seeing me for what I could see and why it was so important to me. It wasn't this popular decision where I had like a leaving party or anything like that. It was, I remember my mom was crying. My extended family were saying things like, you're never going to get a job. This is the worst decision of your life. It's career suicide. You're letting your family down.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
It came with a lot of pressure. And especially because my parents are also both not really well-to-do, everyone was like, well, who's going to take care of your parents? Who's going to take care of your family? And so there was a lot of pressure. I was carrying a lot of guilt. There was also the worry of, well, if it doesn't work, What am I gonna say? Maybe all these people will be right.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And I left to like this heavy feeling of I'm really excited about this and I have to do it for myself. And I think that's the part that I'm really glad I did it at that early age because I got a confidence from early on in my life. that no one had to agree with me for me to make the right decision. I didn't have to crowdsource an answer where everyone agreed.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I just had to know that it felt right within me. And I think I started listening to my inner voice since I was 14. So it's so loud for me that I can't ignore it.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Even till this day. Oprah said something like that.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Yeah, inside of all of us, not just inside of me. I think that anyone who's wondering, going, oh, Jay, I don't have that voice. I haven't heard it for a long time. Like, where is it? The truth is we all have it. We've just quieted it for so long. It's almost like, you know, I mean... You're a mom. You know what it feels like to be a parent.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
But if every time your child runs to you and has something to say, you're like, oh, just be quiet. Just be quiet. I need to focus. Just be quiet. Then the kid will come the next time. And then they'll be like, mom, mom, mom, can I tell you? And you'll be like, no, just be quiet. Just be quiet. Just be quiet. Over some time, that kid will learn to just be quiet.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Yes. I took you to one of the temples I lived at. Yeah. It was so beautiful to share that with you. Thank you for being so curious and open and respectful. It was wonderful to see just how many questions you both had and how gracious you were.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And now all of a sudden, they don't get to express how they feel. They don't get to share their emotions. They don't get to... open up about their feelings. And that's the voice inside of us. The voice inside of us is just this little child who's been guiding us, directing us, sharing with us what our truth is.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
But we told it to quieten down because our parents' voice was loud, because our teacher's voice was loud, because our aunt's voice was loud. Whoever's voice kind of was the loudest and the strongest, it was easy to get that kid to be quiet. So I would encourage everyone to sit with their parents child within themselves and let it speak.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And by the way, right now, if you haven't done it for a long time, it may say some stuff that you don't want to hear. And it may say something that you find uncomfortable, but I promise you it's doing it because it loves you and wants you to have that dialogue every day.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And so I think thinking about it through the lens of a mother, it's probably the best way because you have direct, tangible experience of what that feels like. But imagine you're mothering the child within yourself.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I would say, I think it's through stillness. And when you think about monk life, a lot of it is unrelatable, right? We wake up at 4am, you live out of a gym locker, all your possessions fit inside this tiny little box. I saw it. Yeah, you saw it.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Yeah, of course, you saw it. Yeah, you saw it. And so, And now I have too many clothes to fit in. And so you're living this very unrelatable life. But if I had to think about what was relatable about that time or what I took away that anyone and everyone in the world could practice, it's something I like to call 11-11 because they're angel numbers and people love those.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And so it's like one day a week, spend one hour by yourself. So that's on your own. and then ask yourself one question. And the one question is, what is meaningful to me that I've been deprioritizing lately? What's really important to me in my heart, but I keep letting it fall to the bottom of the to-do list. And I really believe that if we did that and sat with that question,
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
the answer will emerge so naturally. What's really interesting about the world is I think we live in a world where we feel we have to demand an answer or force an answer. And the universe is like people. If I force you to give me an answer, chances are you'll feel uncomfortable. And even if you give me it, it won't be the deepest answer.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
But when I ask it as almost like a plea, a sincere request, a hopeful request, then everything unfolds and a person in front of you just melts open. And so when you're talking to yourself, don't demand it. Don't be like, oh, I don't know what the answer is. I can't hear my inner voice. When it's that resistance, it almost creates a lot of tension.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And so I would say one day a week for one hour, sit on your own and ask yourself one question. What is it that is so important to me that I keep deprioritizing? And that question is the number one question that allows your inner voice to rise because it allows yourself to be honest, authentic, and it allows yourself to be truthful with yourself in that safe space.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
So I highly recommend that as a practice. And so you don't have to learn meditation. You don't have to build a new habit. You just have to try that.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
For sure. And studies show that we have to be compassionate. They did a research study with men and women, and they asked them whether they wanted to be alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes or give themselves an electric shock.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
So here's the stats. 27% of women chose an electric shock and 60% of men chose an electric shock.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And when they were asked why, they said it's because they didn't want to be alone with their thoughts, just as you said. And so we have to look at this compassionately with ourselves and the people around us. That's normality. We don't want to be alone with our thoughts. But it's a practice that only gets easier the more you do it. And you start to feel comfortable in your own company.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
You start to feel okay in your own mind. And by the way, one of the reasons why we struggle to sleep and why we struggle to do all of this is the only time we ever listen to our thoughts is when our head hits the pillow. So if you did that before your head hit the pillow, chances are you'll have a much more restful sleep.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
You'll actually be able to disconnect because that's the only time we actually go inward. And so don't save it for the pillow. Do it before the pillow. Do it before you get into bed. And you might even have a much more restful sleep. So I don't think just getting close to your thoughts is about meditation or... It's about living a more meaningful life. I think it impacts your health.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
It impacts your physicality. It impacts your stress. It impacts how much you can listen to others because you're not constantly lost. And so I think it's a habit that will benefit every relationship in your life. And it will definitely experience a better relationship with yourself.
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
“I’m The Party” (w/ Amy Poehler)
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
“I’m The Party” (w/ Amy Poehler)
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
“I’m The Party” (w/ Amy Poehler)
It was just me naked.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Absolutely. And trust me, it's like for anyone who's listening and feeling like it's challenging, I've been learning all about this myself for the past couple of years. And while I could never explain it as well as Casey does, or even begin to try and understand it as deeply as you do, I've noticed how some of these very simple lifestyle changes have shown me big changes in how I feel.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
And I wanted to focus on some of those with you that you break down. One of the big ones that I've struggled with for a very long time, because I remember...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
If you're like me, I spent a long part of my life addicted to sugar. I wanted a sugary breakfast. I wanted to have a dessert every day. I was addicted to sugar for a long, long time. And even today, it's a craving that I really, really have to work on. And by the way, I'm not alone. We've been programmed this way. All of our healthy breakfast foods are packed with hidden sugar.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Everything today has so much sugar in it, and people will even convince you that sugar's fine. It's not that bad. But the truth is spikes in our glucose, our over intake of processed foods, which are packed with those hidden sugars, are what's causing our crushes and later down the line, illnesses and diseases that we don't wanna have to go through. My next guest,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
is one of my favorites of all time. Jessie Inchope, also known as the glucose goddess, gives the most practical, simple, daily habit changes. You don't need to buy anything. You don't need to learn a new skill. You can start applying these insights right now and it will change your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
I've been following these words as closely as possible and I felt the benefits and I can't wait for you to feel it as well. If you feel like you're struggling with your sugar intake, your cravings, your crashes, this clip is for you. What are some of the hidden places glucose is that we may not see or may not understand that we can't figure out on a day-to-day basis?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Because I feel like when I went to that test of the no sugar cereal, in my head that didn't have glucose, only for me to understand it was the rice that it was made from that was having that impact on me. So are there any others that you know that are hidden?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Yeah, and it's interesting because I think the way we've been trained to have a sweet breakfast, I've switched to savory breakfast last year, and that's something you are a big, big, big proponent of. That's a big hack of mine, yes. Yeah, talk to us about that switch.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Sounds amazing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
How many times have you promised yourself that this is the year you're going to change to a healthy diet? Maybe it's been your New Year's resolution. Maybe it's been a goal before the summer. Whatever it is, I want this year to be the year that you finally achieve it. Do you feel like you try and eat healthy, but you're constantly tired by 3 p.m.?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Oatmeal with raisins. Exactly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Yeah, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Yeah. I found though that as someone who has had cravings for a long time or lived in that sweet cycle, there's been a lot of withdrawal symptoms. I think when people stop eating sugar, I've definitely experienced headaches. I think some people experience very low energy. Someone was telling me earlier today that they feel nauseous or sick. Like there's a lot of different things that come with it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Talk to us about why it's so addictive. Obviously beyond the fact that we love the taste of it. Why is it so addictive?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Or maybe you're trying to cut out junk food, but you're finding it really difficult. Or maybe you're someone who wakes up in the morning and always feels bloated. You even took it a step further and had the labs done that were fine, but you knew something was off. Or maybe you're one of those people who's thinking, Jay, I need to get a gut test.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Yeah, and I think that's one of the biggest challenges, right? Because when it comes to New Year's resolutions or when it comes to changing habits, we often think we have to go in or out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Yeah, and it's a different shift in mindset, really, because you're saying that a lot of us are addicted to weight loss, weight gain, or something like that, and you're actually saying, well, let's make it about energy. Let's make it about focus. Let's make it about family.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Health, yeah. Yeah, which is... which we just haven't been trained to think that way. You know, we haven't even, I grew up always feeling like, oh, if I didn't put on weight, then I must be healthy. And that's such a, I mean, it's such a rudimentary belief around what health and wellbeing is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
I need to know what's going on because I'm not feeling great. If any of those are true for you, this episode is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Absolutely. What should someone eat at 3 p.m. when they're tired? Because everyone has that post-lunch thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Huge. That's huge.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty. Ha ha.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Now, the scientists... I used to always eat my veggies last. Really? Because you hated them? Yeah, because you eat all their carbs first and all the rest of it. You're like, oh, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
So why did we put this episode together? I know that the amount of information out there on how to be healthy and what you should eat or not is so overwhelming. There are so many podcasts, there are so many articles, there is so much advice, even short 30-second TikToks telling you what's perfect for you. What I wanted to do was help you understand how there is no one size fits all.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
That makes sense to me. I love bread at the start and dessert at the end.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. So I already said that we have too much information on health and nutrition, or there's lots out there. And a big part of that is we have a lot of information about vitamins and supplements.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
And there are so many on the market, it's hard to know what we actually need, what's right for us. And if you're someone who's trying to figure out how you can boost your energy, boost your immune system, and stay healthy, and want to know which vitamins and supplements you should be on, this clip is for you. This next clip is from cleanse expert and holistic nutritionist, Alyssa Goodman.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
It's going to help you figure out which vitamins you should be taking, which supplements you should avoid, and what you should look out for on the packaging and the key nutrients we all need to live healthy, energy-filled lives. If you're trying to figure this part of your health out, listen to this now. Walk us through, in a practical sense, how does someone make a choice?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
What do they need to read on the back of a box or a bottle with vitamins and supplements? What should they be looking for? And what should they be looking at to make sense of it from a technical standpoint, not just the intuition standpoint?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
I wanted you to hear from the best experts we've had on the show so that we can simplify and clarify some of these things that feel really complicated. So much of what we eat is marketed as healthy, but it's often working against us. Today's guests break down how to read your body's signals, improve your diet with protein and vegetables, and choose supplements that actually support your goals.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
And what's a filler and an additive?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Yeah, one thing I definitely didn't realize until I really got on a good regime of supplements and vitamins was just how much harder I was working to feel good. Right. Like, it was, I just thought it was a mental battle. And so I was fighting the mental battle every day with meditation and mindfulness and everything else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
And then I realized, I was like, actually, I would've been a much better meditator if I just took supplements and vitamins early on. Because then your body's actually helping you with that focus and with that... physical activity or movement and exercise, right? Whether it's hiking or sport or whatever it may be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
And it's so funny now that you're naming all these things, I'm like, I've seen all these things on the backs and never known what that means. And it's so easy to just feel so uneducated. And I've definitely felt that way in this space. you know, without having good people around you, it's so hard to really know whether what you're doing is good for you or not.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Walk us through, like, if we took a random stack of snacks right now, and I don't want to pick on any brands or anything like that in any way, but if you were to teach someone how to read the back of a snack pack, what should they be looking out for? Because this is something that I believe has changed the way I snack. And I generally, I'd say my diet is...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Like maybe, I don't know, at this point, like 5% processed or packaged foods in any... If that, probably when I'm traveling, I'll have like a protein bar that I travel with or something like that. But generally, it's not. I'm on the whole foods diet and everything else. But... It wasn't that way before. I used to think that if I ate healthy snacks, then that was okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
So I would eat packaged goods and then 50% of my diet was packaged goods or maybe 30%. Walk us through what we should be looking out for because I think so much is hidden on these
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
I see that everywhere. It's so funny. I've pronounced that wrong for my whole life now that you've told me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Whether you're trying to feel better daily or prevent chronic disease down the line, these insights will help you make smarter and most importantly, sustainable nutrition decisions. I can't wait for you to hear it. One of the biggest things I've learned about health is that the more proactive you are, the more prepared you are. I'm sure you felt it before.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Yeah, so you're saying when you're looking, if you're outside, you're looking for snacks and products, it's like less ingredients, simple ingredients and real ingredients, basically. Things that you actually know what they are. If you don't know what they are, that's probably a sign that... And the problem is it doesn't taste as good, though.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
I had a protein bar the other day because I was at Expo and I had a protein bar and I was like, oh, great. Like this literally had three ingredients on it. I was so excited to eat it and I tried it and it was so bad compared to the one that I've been programmed to love, which has all the other 30 things that you'd say I shouldn't eat and are not good for me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
And it's so frustrating because I'm like, I wish I was trained to believe that whole natural foods were tasty and healthy, whereas because I've been so spoiled by my taste buds have been ruined by all of this other stuff that now feels captivating and exciting and tasty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
You feel healthy, you feel good, you get a test done, and then you're wondering, how did I not know that? How did I not feel that? How did I not see that? Now, some people are scared of getting tests done, scared of getting their lab results, but here's the reality. It's much scarier being surprised or shocked by something in the future than it is to be aware right now and start making changes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Walk us through. So walk us through the core needs that people come to you with. So you said there's a gut cleanse. Walk us through the different cleanses that people need in their life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Wait, how do you eat activated charcoal? You take a pill.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
This clip is from Dr. Casey Means, who talks about how we can be proactive and how we shouldn't wait for illness to start caring. I hope this inspires you to get more data, to get more tests done, so that you can be proactive in your health journey. Remember, you're the only person who has to live in your body, with your body, and whatever you're going to go through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Walk us through that because that's always like an uncomfortable topic for people. It's something that people don't talk about. I mean, I don't think we've even, we're getting to the point of understanding how important the digestive system is. Yeah. And how often should be people going to the restroom? What should be the healthy way of going about that area of their life?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Yeah, wow. I know. This next clip is from Dave Asprey, the founder of Bulletproof Coffee, also known as the father of biohacking. Now, what I love about this clip is if you're someone trying to figure out your protein intake, because there's so much information about protein out there, it really simplifies it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
If you're plant-based, he also gives some great insight on how you can still get the adequate amount of protein. Also, if you're struggling to figure out which milk to be drinking, thinking about how it impacts your blood sugar levels, or thinking about what's good for you, this clip will make a difference.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
I think the challenges as we know with health and wellness, there's always a new fad, a new trend, a new kind of thing that comes up and everyone gets behind it. And then afterwards, a few years later, we realized that there was more research to it. I think one of those big areas is around There's two areas in the book that you cover really well that I want to dive into.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
One is around where we get our protein. We know protein's important. I mean, remind us how much protein we need to get every day, like good protein?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Let's not set ourselves up for failure. Let's be prepared for a long, healthy life. I wanted to talk to you about this because a lot of people have said this to me. And I just invested in a company called Function Health. I don't know if you've come across them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
It's a lot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
I'm an investor. We're both investors. So I just invested in a company called Function Health. I've known Dr. Mark Hyman for a few years, met the wonderful team, and I was very passionate about how they were allowing people to do, I believe, 200 biomarkers at $500 a year, which to me felt like a great investment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
But even in some animal protein, you were recommending, and we'll talk about the plant proteins as well, but some of the animal proteins you were saying are not as strong and reliable. I believe you mentioned chicken, turkey. I think there were a couple of others in the book that I saw.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
And we talked about the plant protein from a ethical standpoint, but even from a nutritional standpoint, I mean, so me and my wife are both plant-based, but plant protein is like not a big part of our diets at all. My wife's like not into eating any of the burgers or any of the meats. That's probably a good move. The fake meat is not good. Yeah. Explain why, because I think that's...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
slightly the challenge for a lot of people who try and make that switch. And I feel everyone who turns to that then goes back because it's not satisfying.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Yes, I am. Me and my wife, we have been for years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
I think one of the things I want to help people with is what do you do with those 200 biomarkers, results, the blood test, the biosensors? I think a lot of people, again, look at that list and you're like, well, where do I go from here? Where do I start? What do I do? What does HDL mean? What does HOMA-IR mean? What does uric acid? What is all of this stuff? It's so... out of our vocabulary.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
I'm thinking about it a lot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Prohibition is synonymous with speakeasies, jazz, flappers, and of course, failure. I'm Ed Helms, and on season three of my podcast, Snafu, there's a story I couldn't wait to tell you. It's about an unlikely duo in the 1920s who tried to warn the public that prohibition was going to backfire so badly it just might leave thousands dead from poison.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Listen and subscribe to Snafu on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Absolutely. Thank you so much. Very useful for everyone who's listening. And I wanted to dive into drinking the wrong kind of milk because I think milk's been this, you know, there's obviously there's been the almond milks and the oat milks and then there's been debate on either side.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Walk us through milk because I think like that's again, I'd love to hear your side of it because again, it's one of the, I find all of this so confusing because you hear something new come out. Everyone gets behind it. It works for people. Maybe it doesn't work. Stopping dairy milk from my diet helped me with my gut, but I also don't drink a lot of oat milk or almond milk.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
That's not really part of my diet. I don't have cereal and stuff like that. So I'm not drinking that, but then there's a lot of debate on that side of it as well. There is a lot of debate. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
And like you said, 99% of doctors, in the book you talk about this, 99% of doctors don't understand it or will say, don't worry about it. That's what I've been told as well. Many times before I was able to start getting tested by my holistic doctors, all I was hearing is don't worry about it. Don't stress about it. It's not a big deal. You're young, you're healthy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
I get a lot of mucus. I used to get more throat infections.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
And I'm like, I know I'm young and healthy, but I want to stay young and healthy. And I believe that requires a bit more effort than me saying I'm young and healthy. It doesn't matter. And I've learned about early stages for me of LDL, of my predisposition to diabetes because of my heritage.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
That's the worst tasting one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
It is the worst tasting one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
I don't drink any milks, but yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Now, today's craze is all about protein, but one of the things we're missing is talked about in this next clip. We barely hear about it, and I'm so glad that my next guest, Dr. Darshan Shah, who happens to be my doctor too, talks about the importance, where to find it, and how to get it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
He also talks to us about the key supplements that can help your diet and where it usually falls short, especially when it comes to quality sleep and focus. Check it out. Let's talk a bit about supplements and vitamins because I think that there's a lot of like mixed messaging out there about what's needed, how much of it's needed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
And, you know, there's so many things that I'm so happy I know about today, which has reduced my intake of certain things that I love or I enjoy or I've been addicted to for years, whatever it may be. So How do people make sense of what to do with those 200 biomarkers?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Some people are like, well, none of it really gets absorbed and does it make a difference? And there's always a debate about it. How do you go about figuring out what someone needs as an individual as opposed to just taking what everyone's taking because you keep hearing about it everywhere?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
I mean, I have a lot of vegetables, but I have no idea, so you're going to have to tell me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
And you're just putting that onto other stuff.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Yeah, yeah. Great. Those are fantastic. That's a really good breakdown for anyone. I mean, I remember when I first started measuring that with monas, like my vitamin D, which you would never have known if you met me or saw me, was 10%. And it was just like, I was living my life, like I was on planes, I was giving keynotes, I was healthy, I was energetic, whatever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
And she was just like, I don't even know how you function. I was at a 10. And I was unaware. How old were you when you did this? This was like a year and a half ago, two years ago. It was just interesting to me because the only thing I could feel is like I was feeling a bit of fatigue. And that was the only thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
And that's why I think that the reason why I'm raising that for my audience and community here today is don't take it for granted and don't assume that you might be like, oh, I don't need any of these vitamin supplements. It's like it could be the tiniest thing that you're experiencing as a symptom. It's important to take it seriously because you don't want to be at a 10.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Fantastic. Yeah, no, I couldn't agree more. And I'm so glad you made that connection because I think it often, when you find it out long-term, it then feels like a surprise. Right. But actually it isn't if you're looking at the numbers. And I think we just haven't been trained to look at our health in terms of numbers.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Like you'd measure your height growing up or you'd measure your weight growing up, but those are such poor indicators of health in and of themselves without looking at all of these other metrics that we're talking about here today, whether it's your glucose levels, whether it's your vitamin D levels, magnesium, et cetera. You mentioned so many other vitamins and supplements.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
I just don't think we're trained to know where to look and what to look at. And therefore, we're basing it on, I feel tired today. And I think this is something I want to mention as well, that the mind and the body are so connected, but I think so often our physical challenges we think are a mental challenge.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
So we think we're tired because we're not focused enough or we're not excited enough or we're not motivated enough. We make the physical issue a mental issue, but it isn't. It's purely a physical. And I know that because I feel so purposeful and love what I do and I'm so joyful about it and I'm so excited about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
So if my body's not working to the degree I want it to, I'm very clear that you can have all the mental stuff down, but if you're not taking care of your body, it doesn't just... You can push it a bit further, but that's not going to get you up the hills. I really hope that this helped simplify and clarify your health journey. See, real health starts with what you eat and how you fuel your body.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
But understanding blood sugar, protein needs, supplements and vitamins puts your health back in your control. All I want for you is to live long, healthy, happy lives. And in order to do that, we have to take our physical health seriously. A lot of people are talking about mental health today, but our physical and mental health are so connected.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
If we learn how to eat better, we'll actually feel better mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. If this year you're trying to live longer, live happier, live healthier, go and check out my conversation with the world's biggest longevity doctor, Peter Attia, on how to slow down aging and why your emotional health is directly impacting your physical health.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Acknowledge that there is surprisingly little known about the relationship between nutrition and health. And people are going to be shocked to hear that because I think most people think the exact opposite.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 5 Nutrition Experts on the Foods to Eat (and Avoid) to Improve Digestion and Stop Bloating (Ft. Dr. Casey Means & The Glucose Goddess)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Yeah, I hope that's really refreshing for people to hear because I feel like when we think of forgiveness, we think of it as like this fully all-encompassing thing where there's no boundaries. You just give in and to hear that clarity Because I found that when we don't set boundaries, what we don't realize, we keep enabling that person to behave that way. And we become enablers.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
We think we're helping them, but actually we're hurting them. And the only one we're helping is ourselves because we feel better about ourselves for a second where we're like, oh, I'm so tolerant and I did everything just perfectly for them. But then what we don't realize is we're just continuing that behavior. One thing I've discovered really hearing from everything you're saying is that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
There's three types of people in life. The first is someone who repeats the pain they saw. The second is someone who does the opposite of the pain they saw. And the third is someone who heals from that pain and gives people what they never had and creates a space for people to have the life that they never got the opportunity to have. And it sounds like you chose that third option.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And anyone who chooses that third option protects their future self. Mm-hmm. What's the difference between people pleasing and wanting people to be happy? Because I think people get that confused. They don't know the difference. Before you hear the answer, here's a quick break. Big thanks to our sponsors. Let's get back to it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
How would you define what a people pleaser is versus someone who likes to see people happy?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Today's guest is someone that I've known for quite a few years now. We'll share a bit about our background and story of how we got to know each other. I'm speaking about Megan Roxanne.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Yeah. Well said. I couldn't agree with you more. I think that I stopped people pleasing when I realized that there was nothing I could possibly do to actually please someone fully. That there'd always be some gap, some blemish, some mistake, even if I tried with the deepest, purest intention. And I recognized that actually, if I simply tried to create a space for people to flourish,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
and then it was up to them to make the most of it. And if they didn't, I could only make the space better, but I couldn't please them. I could improve the environment, but I couldn't improve them. I think that's when we fail is when we make a person our project
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
or we make a person our purpose, we make a person our obsession, as opposed to the environment and space and the energy, which you can control. You can control the energy someone feels when they walk into your house. You can't control whether they want to rise to that energy or whether they want to bring it down.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
You can control the energy someone has in your workspace, but you can't control whether they're going to subscribe to that energy or unfollow. Like you can't change that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
a first-generation British Trinidadian entrepreneur, author, speaker, and the inspirational force behind the renowned platform, The Good Quote. Her new book is out right now. It's called How to Stop Breaking Your Heart. You'll see a little testimonial here from me because I think this book is brilliant.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And so,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
I think you're spot on that if we spent more time curating energy that we emanate and that we live by in the spaces that we walk into have, then now we're leaving it up to everyone else. You came in this morning and you were smiling and you were happy. We gave each other a big hug. We've been having bubbly conversation, reconnecting. We both decided... to be on that energy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Now I wanted this place to be welcoming and inviting and hopefully felt that it felt calm and there weren't too many people and it wasn't stressful, but then you have to also meet me there and bring your energy and then I have to meet you there. And so I feel like people will constantly meet you where you're at or they'll force you to meet you where they're at.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And it's your choice to decide whether you want to rise or fall. I want to dive into your journey a little bit because it feels like you got introduced to needing an emotional vocabulary very young in your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Like when I was reading your book, I was like, this is someone who, the good quote isn't a page with good quotes because, just because you're a good writer, it's because you've had to live that. It's lived experience that is now coming out in the form of good quote. And I often think about that with me too.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And I align with that, that what I share today is stuff that I've lived, it's experienced, it's pain, it's stress, it's overwhelm. It's a role I've played for many years. I always say I mediated my entire family's relationship and dynamic for many, many years. So a lot of the mediation I do today is because that's the role I've always played.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And so with you, I got this sense that your emotional vocabulary grew very young in life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And then you felt like sharing it. I wanted to ask, you were talking about 2011 was Tumblr, where you started sharing wisdom. 2014 was when the good quote was taken out. When you started writing and sharing these experiences, how scared or worried were you originally about how they'd be seen? And how long did it take you to even have the courage to like write and put out your first post?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
It's got so many great insights, wise pieces of guidance that will help you in your lowest, difficult, toughest times. and help you avoid those if you manage to be able to surpass them. Please welcome to On Purpose, Megan Roxanne. Megan, it's so great to finally have you here. This is awesome.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
I was so happy when you told me you were writing a book and you said, you know, can you read it and share a testimonial for it? Because I know how challenging this journey has been for you for putting yourself out there. I
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
the most motivational page on social media, without a doubt, the good quote, and the amount of impact that it's had, how it shifted the culture of what people are doing on social media. It's had such a beautiful ripple effect to so many other people you've supported, myself included, and I'll share a bit on that. And you've always had this
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
challenge of putting yourself out there and so when you were writing this book and I picked it up and I looked at it and you asked me for a couple of words I was just so proud of you as a friend I was so excited for you and I was so excited for everyone else that would now have access to yours as well and your story so congratulations from from a friend really I mean it thank you I appreciate that thank you
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
What I find fascinating about that is, you had the courage to listen to your intuition, like this premonition part where you're saying everything before 35 is experience. And then 35 is when I start living. What I'm fascinated by is how did you build that courage? Because what I find is so similar for me where when I was 14, I felt my inner voice got really loud.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And so I remember my parents really wanted me to do math and science and all this stuff at GCSE and A level. And obviously you have to do it at GCSE, you don't get to choose, but then at A-level in the UK, you get to choose. So you're around, for anyone who's listening in the US or outside of the UK, when you're between 16 to 18, you get to choose three to four subjects that you study at A-levels.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And I remember from 14, when you're starting to think about this, my inner voice was just like, do what you love, do what you're good at, do what you love, do what you're good at, do what you love. And that just kept repeating itself. But I grew up in an environment where it was like, it was all about getting a good job. And it was all about doing things that other people valued.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And you have a chapter in the book called, we follow other people's visions for our lives instead of our own. And that's how we break our own hearts in that section of your book. And for me, I made a pact with myself that I would never follow my parents or anyone extended family's vision for my life. I would only study subjects that were true to me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Now that sounds like a really small decision, but it was the beginning of a pattern of decisions that gave me the confidence to always back myself. So I said to my parents, I was like, I'm going to do art and design. I'm going to do economics. I'm going to do sociology. I'm going to do things that I find interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And obviously to my parents who'd worked so hard and immigrants who'd really worked hard for me to have a good education and everything, they're like, what are you going to do with art and design? How's that going to help? And I was like, no, no, no, I just know it. I just know it. And now I realize what I was saying, I knew it internally.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And since that day, every decision I made when I decided to become a monk, I knew internally that was right for me. When I decided to leave, I knew that was internally right for me. When I decided to start creating stories and telling stories, I knew that was intern. It wasn't ever something someone said to me or it wasn't like, oh, this is a good strategy or this is good. It wasn't that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
I just want to give a bit of background for people. I remember I just, I started posting content to Facebook in 2016 and it was really taking off. And then I remember Instagram being a platform that I was trying to find traction on and sharing my content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
It was internally guided. And even till this day, I find that when I abandon that internal voice, that's when I make mistakes. But when I listen closely to that internal voice, that's when I make my best decisions. But I find for a lot of people, when you've ignored that voice for maybe five years, 10 years, 15 years, it's so quiet now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
But first, here's a quick word from the brands that support the show. All right, thank you to our sponsors. Now let's dive back in. So two questions. The first is, how have you always trusted your inner voice? And two, if someone's lost connection with it, how do they get it to become louder again?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And I was looking at other pages that had the same values as mine, like people who believed in wisdom, people who believed in wanting to share that freely with everyone, people who wanted to make wisdom as cool and as sexy and as accessible as everything else on the internet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And I remember coming across the good quote and I remember just sending a DM and saying, hey, would you guys share my stuff? And I literally at that time used to just send... I would find anyone of equal value on social media and I would just DM them and say, hey, I'd love to connect. I'm making content. Would you be able to share it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And you were so kind that you decided to support me at that early stage. And honestly, it gave me my first breakthrough on Instagram because all of a sudden all these people were... aware of my work. And what I always found was that it was always still about the content. Like the content had to be good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Yeah. Yeah. So well said. I mean, so, so wonderful to hear your experience with it. And I love hearing about other people's experiences with that. The Bhagavad Gita talks about the soul and the super soul. And so we're the soul and the super soul is the all knowing the, you know, the all powerful. And,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
It's almost like when the conversation starts between the soul and the super soul, the soul gets all of this inner wisdom and knowledge and now is able to make decisions. And I can resonate with so much of what you're saying, but the thing that I loved that I think you put so well was this idea of sometimes your intuition is testing whether it can trust you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And it may even misguide you in little ways, not huge ways. And most people give up there. They go, I listened and it was just stupid. I'm not listening again. And that's exactly what you need to break through because that little test, that mini understanding of creating a collaboration, like you said, happens in friendship, happens in business, happens in romantic relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
You're just checking. You're just checking. Are we on the same page? Are we with each other? Because I'm going to say something crazy one day and it's like, are you going to hear it? And I can relate to so much of that because... I feel the same way as you. I'm very clear energetically when I meet someone. Are we going to vibe? Are we going to connect? Should we spend time there? Should we not?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And it's so easy to think, oh, I'm just mad I should avoid that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
So if someone's lost touch with it, like if someone's listening right now and they're like, Jay and Megan, thanks a lot. Like, you know, I wish I listened to it at 14 or 14. And they're thinking, I'm just so, I never hear that at all. Like, I don't feel anything. I just don't know what to do. Because I also find that we outsource it, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Like I have so many friends who will have like 30 people on a chat and they'll be like, what do I do in this situation? And then they'll go on their private stories on Instagram and be like, Guys, what do I do in this situation? It's like, we're constantly outsourcing advice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
So we don't find it weird to go to like 10, 20, 30 people who know us, but they don't know us that well, but we find it scary to sit in silence. And you talk about the power of solitude in the book, in the second section. and this ability to spend time with ourselves, but we don't usually go there. So if someone's struggling and saying, yeah, Jay, I'm that person. I'm the one texting all my mates.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
I'm constantly asking my family to make decisions for me, constantly asking everyone's opinion, but it never works. How do I start doing this? How would you guide them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
But what I found was that the fact that you were able to distribute it to so many more people, I was able to see that my content was resonating with even more people. So I'm so grateful for that initial connection and collaboration we had because it was so important to me and the beginning of my journey. And I know it's not just me, you've helped so many people. So anyway, my first question is,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
How does it feel when at four years old, you hear from a grandparent that they don't love you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
That's how you start the book.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Yeah, so true. Most of us, I feel like only having a conversation with fear we're not really having a conversation with any other part of ourselves or anxiety yeah exactly so our inner voice we think our inner voice is fear or anxiety but what we're referring to is something deeper than that and something so much more you than that and that's why I think we're scared of having that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
time out that internal dialogue the solitude because all we hear in that time is fear and anxiety yeah and like you said with the fasting it's the same is true for fear and anxiety and meditation i remember the first time i sat down to meditate for two hours my whole body was rejecting it. And there was just fear and anxiety of, am I doing this right? This is so uncomfortable. I hate this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
This is the worst. And then after you get through that first two hours, four hours, six hours, eight hours, it starts to go quieter just naturally. And you go, oh, now there's space to actually listen. And I think so many of us give up just before that. So I love that you used fasting as an example and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Before we dive into the next moment, let's hear from our sponsors. And back to our episode. We're talking about fears, Megan. I wanted to end on this because I wanted to talk about it with you. This idea of we learn about how much you love your mom in the book.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Even today in this conversation, you learn about what a pivotal role she's played, like introducing you to elders, like the affirmations, giving you the gift of learning forgiveness at a time in your life, like so many things. But walk us through the healing of...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
That process, like what are all the things that are going on inside when you're in the process of losing the person you love most in the world?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Why did he say? Did you ever ask him or did you ever find out?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Megan, thank you for being so vulnerable, so open. Thank you for pouring your heart into this book. I'm hoping that everyone who's been listening and watching is as moved as I am. And genuinely, if you pick up a copy of How to Stop Breaking Your Heart, I feel that you'll be able to walk through life with grace. You'll be able to
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
deal with the discomfort that comes along your way and you'll be able to find your way even when it feels completely foggy fuzzy and uncertain about your future I want to give a big thanks to Megan for putting herself out there for having the courage and the bravery for taking that step I know how hard that was for you And I really believe that you doing that is going to help so many people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
So thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story today. Yeah, thank you. Part of your story. And I want everyone to read the book to find the rest of it and how it all connects.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
I was like, yeah, I was like, I have to wear this today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
That was beautiful. If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr. Gabor Mate on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Everything in nature grows only where it's vulnerable. So a tree doesn't grow where it's hard and thick, does it? It grows where it's soft and green and vulnerable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Wow. How did it feel? I didn't even think we were going to go down this direction, but I have to ask, how did it feel to care for someone who told you they didn't love you that early in your life?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Because that process seems to be, I know when I'm speaking to a lot of my community or I'm reading comments or I read DMs and I really listen in on what my community cares about so I can serve them better. And a lot of people find themselves in that position where someone who's caused them pain is the person that they're now caring for or they're supporting or they're in the same house for years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
And the question is always, Jay, how do I survive around someone like that, let alone care for them? So how did you even reconcile it in the beginning of that two-year journey? Because that feels like the ultimate test of everything that you're saying in the book.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
What's so valuable with the insight you just shared is that you were able to place the virtue of forgiveness above how you felt about it. Because it meant something to your mum, because you believed that it had something to do with a better future for Megan. And I find that to be remarkable in a time where I feel we've actually gone the other way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
So a lot of the time we're so fixated on what makes me feel good now, what makes me comfortable now, what feels right for me now. And it's really interesting because I've been thinking about this a lot lately that this pursuit of virtues is actually the only way you'll ever be happy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
Because even if you did what you wanted now and you disregarded everything else, later on, you still haven't healed or created and built forgiveness. And so you're still living in that bitterness and that pain, even if the person passes away. And even if you were away from them for years and years and years. Yeah. But how do we reconcile that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
If You’re a People Pleaser Listen to This! (Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish, It’s Necessary For Real Connection)
At what point is it self-disrespect to aspire for a virtue while someone is potentially creating havoc in your life? How do you see that in terms of setting boundaries in, I'm going to care for them because I see this virtue being there, but then at the same time, I'm not just going to allow myself to be abused or disrespected.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Amazing. I want to unpack so many things. So now you've given me enough stuff to just grapple with. I loved what you said about the idea that you can't over love someone. Like that's beautiful to hear. And I always feel that my mom's love was like that for me. I always grew up believing I was lovable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
My mom's love shielded me from so much of the other pain and stress and everything else I saw happening around me. And a lot of what you just said about women, I see to be so true today because I've seen research and studies that show that if a man sees a job specification and can do less than half of it, he'll still apply.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And if a woman sees something and even if she can do 80% of it, she won't apply because she can't do the 20% remaining. And so even when I talk to my male friends today and I know a lot of their wives and partners and girlfriends and whatever else it may be, they all find that so many women are scared to go out there and start a company. They're scared to take that risk.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
They're fearful that they can't, or they're waiting till they have everything, like all their ducks in a row before they give themselves an opportunity. How did early on in your life, your dad saying this repetitive statement to you, how did that not become a pressure? And how did it feel empowering? Because I feel that sometimes if you're told you've got it, you can do this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
A lot of people see that as pressure and then they feel they can't live up to it. What was different about the parenting aspect of that? Because I think a lot of parents listening may take a lot from what your dad did, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
It's amazing. When you go from pitching your idea to all of your bosses and they kind of look at you like, this is going to fail, this isn't going to work. And then obviously your dad gives you that encouraging statement. You said that you moved back home then.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
So I'm imagining that you were making a decent amount of money working at a financial services firm. Yeah. And when you choose to start a company, I'm guessing you took a massive pay hit. And I assume you were living out and then you moved back home.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Now, the reason why I'm pinpointing that moment is because I think those golden handcuffs that so many of us tie around ourselves with the safe corporate job. And when you've got a great degree and you finally get that job you've been waiting to get for like 18 years of your life and everyone respects you for it, it looks good on your LinkedIn and your resume.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I found so many people struggle at that point to say, well, I'm willing to take less money. I'm willing to downgrade my lifestyle. I'm willing to postpone and delay the gratification of having nice things because chances are if I live with my parents and I'm not making the money anymore, life changes. Walk me through deeply that decision
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Because I think for so many of our community listening and so many people that I mentor, coach, speak to, this seems to be one of the most pivotal moments of their life that were you willing to go two steps backwards in order to go five steps forward? And so many of us are so scared to go two steps backwards because we've got so used to a certain level of lifestyle.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
So walk us through that key decision point.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I actually think what you said makes a lot of sense that at that time, there was a sense of you didn't have the pressure to of the success story that social media puts around you. And so now it's like, everyone thinks to themselves, I have to build a million dollar, billion dollar business.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And as soon as you say that, it's so hard because it's such a long journey to get there that it's such an overwhelming mountain. And it's almost like you're standing at the base of a mountain and it looks so high. And you're just like, how am I ever going to get to the top?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And I remember the same, like when we launched our podcast, I didn't have a number of downloads I was trying to reach, or I didn't have a number of followers that I was like, oh, this would be success. It was like, this is what I love. This is the stories I want to tell. This is how we want to serve our community. This is the experience we want to build. And that's how we started.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And then of course, everything got more strategic as we developed and we learned more and everything. But I didn't have that pressure on day one. And I think if I did... I may never have put out a video. I would never have put out a piece of content because it was going to be years or months or days until you actually reached this false goal you set yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
So when you're starting out, how do you set goals that are empowering and not debilitating? Because I see a lot of founders setting very debilitating goals.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
That's a great goal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to listen, learn, and grow. You know that On Purpose is the home of deep, profound, powerful conversations with humans who've lived extraordinary lives, achieved phenomenal things, but at the heart of it have a deep purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
The statistics you mentioned a couple of moments ago about the number of female founders, funding going to female founders, those are so alarming and they're not even close to being good. No. that you had to learn to navigate? And how would you encourage women who are in that space right now? Because it can get so easy to get discouraged. It's so easy to become bitter.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
It's so easy to become completely disempowered. And by the way, all of that would be extremely valid based on the statistics you just shared. What did you learn that if you were like, here are three lessons, masterclasses, moments of navigation that I learned that helped me play the game and figure it out, as opposed to give up on the game and quit because it was too hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
They also have the ability to open their hearts, open their minds, to share the true failures, the lessons that they've had on their journey. Today's guest is someone that I'm so excited to introduce to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
What would you say were the biggest three things that you were like, these three things taught me how to play the game. And I had to learn to navigate these in order to win in this world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
She's had truly a breathtaking journey, and it's one that is going to inspire you and help you learn how you too can build an amazing business, understand what it feels like to manage and balance family life through it all. and at the same time go and pursue more even after success. I'm speaking about the one and only Suneera Madani, a true trailblazer in business world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Suneera is the CEO and co-founder of fintech startup Worth AI. Suneera previously founded Stacks Payments, where she took an idea and built it first into the private startup with $140 million in recurring revenue and then into a business valued at over a billion dollars. Suneera is also the founder of the CEO School podcast and the founder of the CEO School company.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
If you haven't subscribed, make sure you do because both of them empower women to scale their businesses and change the landscape of the traditional business world. Suneera is the daughter of Pakistani immigrants and the first person in her family to attend college as well. Please welcome to the show Suneera Madani. Suneera, it is such a joy to have you here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Yeah, no, thank you for being so honest as well, because I think it's, like you said, it's been 10 years and it still hasn't changed drastically. It's changed a little bit, but your ability to deal with it positively and proactively has helped you move along. And one of the things you did, and you said to me, like you built your business with family.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And that's rare, I feel, as well in this day and age. I feel like there were companies like a century ago, which were family built, family owned. They passed it down through generations. Family built businesses are more rare now. And I've even had a lot of friends and family members that I know that have built things with their friends, investments, companies.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And at some point, there's a break off. There's a breakdown in communication. There's potentially distance that's created. And I think people can sometimes be quite naive and trusting when they go into family-based or friend-based businesses. And at some point, the friendship kind of changes because of money. The family falls out over money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Your journey is truly remarkable and I'm so glad that we get to share it here with the On Purpose community.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Generally, money seems to be this force that has the power to break some of the deepest bonds. As someone who's built a successful relationship,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
with their family and built a business at the same time, what three warnings or cautions or clarifications would you put into place for anyone listening right now thinking, I'm starting this with my friend, I'm super excited, we love each other, we don't need anything, contracts, forget it. Or someone with their family is just like, of course I trust my family.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
What would you be three things you'd lay out for them to say, here's how to get it right and here's what we did?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I know. I felt like I was like, we're probably gonna have to put some of that in. But I want to start with this. And it's probably nothing to do with what I said we were just about to talk about. But you are a self-proclaimed, highly caffeinated time hacker.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And I was like, my team and everyone was like, we want to be that. Tell us what that means.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I think there's something to be said for relationships where you already have a deep understanding of each other. When Radhi and I started Juni together, which is our tea company, It was so much about leaning into each other's strengths and trusting each other with what we knew. So I know that Radhi deeply understands flavor profile. She really understands ingredients.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
She knows what's good for people's health. That's her world. That's what she's dedicated her life to. She's a nutritionist. She's a dietician. She has a background in that. And so I can trust her with that. And then I love storytelling. I love symbolism. I love aesthetics. Like that's my world. And I love the idea of how something can become a part of someone's routine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And, you know, we have a Junie for the morning and a Junie for the evening and a Junie for midday pick me up. And I understand how people need to use products in order to feel better. And when there's that trust and that understanding, now it's like, okay, we don't need to tread on each other's toes. But we'd been together for probably like, nine, 10 years when we started something together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
So there's such a deep understanding. Whereas if we started it in year one, chances are it would have been a lot more difficult. And so I think if you are building something with someone you know, if you know them well enough, it's more likely to be effective as opposed to like, oh, we just hit it off and we kind of got some chemistry and then, you know, you don't really know them well enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
But I wanted to ask you something, something that I want to pivot slightly because I think it's something that I talk to a lot of people about And I think you've nailed it. And we kind of touched on it in our previous conversation before we started recording. You built a business in what is a background product, right? In the sense of it's not consumer facing directly. It's not something that...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
everyone would come across.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Yeah, I call it unsexy money. And I think it's the coolest type of money. There's a lot of pressure these days where everyone thinks I have to have a social media following. I have to build a brand that's known online. I need a viral brand if it's going to make money. It has to be consumer. Like we put this weird pressure. And I always think about, like I used to work at Accenture.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And I used to think about the amount of things that Accenture acquired, things that Accenture worked with. And I'd always be like, no one's ever heard of these companies. And there are founders here winning massively.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And I feel like this generation might be missing out on the businesses that solve real problems, that affect millions of people behind the scenes, that the opportunity to scale really, really fast because we're too busy trying to grow an online following.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And so walk us through that understanding of how you encourage founders to find their niche and build their product and think about what they're doing. Because today it's been like, oh, well, if my brand hasn't had a viral video yet, it probably won't become big. So walk us through that a little bit.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Okay, so we're going to need all of those tips and tools today. For sure. I think there's a lot of our audience that really wants to know how to use their time more wisely, understand how to be more productive and effective. But I want to start off by, actually, let's just dive into that. Let's talk about that. Like, what did you used to believe time management was?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And now having been so effective for this many years, what have you now come to the conclusion that what time management actually is?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Yeah, I think you're the right person to ask this question to because you talked about working hard and working smart. But what was the mindset shift in building a million dollar business, 100 million, and then getting to a billion? Like what changed? Because I think... there may be people listening who've like built the million and they're like, I want to get to 10 or 100.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I don't know what's, what do I need to do differently? Because I think at every level, there's a different mindset, a different type of work that's required. And often we don't talk about that enough. And so you keep doing the same thing again and again, expecting a different result, as Einstein said, is insanity. What was different?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
What did you find that you had to up level to go from one to 100, 100 to a billion?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Oh, wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I really appreciate your highlighting of just how many challenges there are to solve and how it's actually normal for things to break every time you upgrade and up level. And by the way, this includes the team that's working too. Like I look at, I couldn't do anything without my team. It just wouldn't be possible.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And the people process profit point is so brilliantly laid out for anyone who's listening right now. Like I think those three things are so pivotal in an organization and people being able to constantly solve after a break that resilience and grit that's required by the whole team, not just by the leader, by the whole team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
that's so pivotal and I was going to ask you because I'm listening to you now and I'm thinking there's probably at least like I reckon you have a minimum of a hundred stories a year of things going wrong and I was going to ask you what was your darkest day as an entrepreneur like what was the toughest day that you remember where and how did it feel and how did you deal with it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Is that scenario 2.9 now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I love this already.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
That's so beautiful to hear and it's so wonderful that you were able to take lessons from the last 10 years and shift and make changes and use this transition period to have a more transformational journey now because... Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
. . . . .. a P P P P P P P P P P P,實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , in sol and in in in in in in in in in a. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. la but P行, la la en la h in P h in P行,pl gi新 la h in P h in P h in P h in P h in P ,,,,,,,,.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
P P P P P P 19實實,N,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G, ,G, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a Kris ad in in in in in in in in in in in in the.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
When you're coming up with criteria for do, delegate, delete, how do you decide? Because I find that often, especially in the beginning, and I'm sure it was the same for you, and we'll get to that in a second, but there's a feeling like I have to do everything and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I probably have to because I can't afford to delegate you may not have a team in the beginning so when you start growing or when you start building how do you find the ability to decide okay this is what I'm still going to do this is what I delegate this is what I delete because often founders and startup owners or anyone will say to me I think everything's important yeah how do I decide what's important to do with my time
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
The thing that really hit me because I've been thinking a lot about this is the needle moving part. Because often what we think of delegation or roles as, we also think, oh, someone else will take care of all the little stuff, I'll do the big stuff. And actually you're then deprioritizing that person because you also want them to be doing needle moving things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And you may be doing bigger, larger, more long-term needle moving things, but you don't want to be like, I'm going to hand off all the little things to someone else to deal with, because those little things may actually become a distraction to you and that individual. So anyway, I want to go back to when you start thinking about building this billion dollar empire.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
And did you know the day you started Stacks that you wanted it to be a billion dollar business?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
I love hearing that. That's great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Suneera Madhani: Why Most Founders Fail—7 Things You Must Do to Succeed
Wow. That's, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Become the person you want to attract. When we focus on our own growth, the right relationships naturally follow. Number six, what about manifesting love? How do we stop chasing and start aligning? Joe shares why joy and presence are the key to attracting the right partner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
That really resonated with me. The idea that we're not searching, we're aligning. It's a whole new way to look at love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
So in this special compilation episode, I've gathered wisdom from some of the best minds out there to help you navigate love with more clarity, confidence, and purpose. Number one, how do we know if someone is wasting our time? Whether it's a relationship that feels stagnant or a connection that just doesn't seem to be going anywhere, we need to recognize the signs.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Number seven, once we find someone, we often overthink it. Is this the one? Is there someone better out there? That's where Matthew Hussey, relationship coach and New York Times bestselling author comes in. He's been coaching people for years on how to make love work without the mind games.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Do they make the right amount of money?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
To break it down for us, we have Stefan Speaks, relationship coach, speaker, and bestselling author. He's helped millions navigate love with honesty and self-awareness. Let's hear what he has to say.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Oh, wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
That's such a fresh take. Stop looking for perfect. Start building something real. Number eight, sometimes love isn't about holding on. It's about letting go. And no one explains that better than James Corden, comedian, talk show host, and actor. He shares a powerful analogy about love and letting go that I know will stick with you as it has with me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Most of us are conditioned to believe when you find something good, hold onto it forever. Make sure it lasts forever because you never know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
This next conversation is really close to my heart because it's with someone who knows me better than anyone, my wife, Radhi. She's not just my life partner, she's an incredible nutritionist, chef, and advocate for conscious living. Over the years, we've learned so much about love together, what it means to grow as individuals while staying deeply connected as a couple.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Number nine, how to love fully without losing yourself in the process. Radhi shares her wisdom on maintaining a strong sense of self while being in a loving, supportive relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
I think a lot of people love people being dependent on them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Because it gives them a sense of significance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
I really hope that you got lots of value from that. That's why we're doing these compilations. I want to make things simple, seamless, and practical for you. Love isn't just about finding the right person. It's about becoming the right person. And through all these incredible conversations, one thing is clear. Self-awareness, growth, and intention are at the heart of real love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
I really hope this episode gave you clarity, perspective, and inspiration to approach love with more purpose. If something resonated with you, share it with a friend who needs to hear it and pass this on to someone else. I'll see you next time on On Purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Hey everyone, if you loved that conversation, go and check out my episode with the world's leading therapist, Laurie Gottlieb, where she answers the biggest questions that people ask in therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, and dating. If you're trying to figure out that space right now, you won't want to miss this conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
I mean, I love that. It's such an important reminder. Trust your intuition and be honest with yourself. Sometimes we overanalyze the other person instead of checking in with our own feelings. Now, let's go even deeper. Number two, how do we know if what we're feeling is true connection or just chemistry? Stefan explains the difference.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
I think for so many people you set unrealistic expectations in who you are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
And that's hard to come back from.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Chemistry can feel intense but it doesn't always mean long-term compatibility. Now, let's shift gears. Number three, maybe you're single and wondering, am I behind? If you've ever felt that way, this next guest is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Laurie Gottlieb is a psychotherapist, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, and a relationship expert who's here to remind us why being single at 28 or any age is not a bad thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Why is it that we struggle to actually do the work? What does that look like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
I love that perspective. It's not about timelines. It's about doing the work. But why do we resist the work? Number four, why is self-awareness so hard? Lori's got some powerful insights on how understanding our patterns can help us build better relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Is there a healthy way of future tripping with the person? Is there a collective collaborative future tripping? Like what does that look like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Now that's a wake up call. Sometimes doing the work means facing things we'd rather avoid. but that's the only way to grow. Number five, what if we keep attracting the same type of relationships over and over? Dr. Joe Dispenza, neuroscientist, researcher, and expert on rewiring the brain, explains how we can break free from those cycles and attract relationships that truly align with us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
These are the nine things you need to know about love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 6 Love Experts Reveal How to Finally Attract the Right Relationship! Featuring Joe Dispenza & Lori Gottlieb
Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty. Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for tuning back into On Purpose. I appreciate it so much. Today, we're diving into one of the most important topics in all of our lives, love. And love isn't just about romantic relationships. It's about understanding ourselves, building meaningful connections, and growing into the best versions of who we are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
You say anxiety overestimates the threat and underestimates our ability to deal with it. Absolutely. What did you mean by that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
I remember for years I'd given talks about how failures are stepping stones to success and how like you got to feel the fear and do it anyway. And then I remember when I went through some real stuff and I was like, oh.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And at the same time, I remember that I'd been through, like you just said, real stuff when I was younger and I never gave myself credit for it because I just assumed that that's what life was. I didn't realize how much hardship I'd been through in my early years because to me it was just normal. And I think that's true for a lot of people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And then there's the other side of it where it's like, I may talk about these ideas, I may hear them, but then life's going to throw a challenge at me where I actually have to apply what I've learned. And you say something in the book where you say home is where the anxiety starts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Mm-hmm.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
I think a lot of us feel that. We felt the anxiety of our parents. We felt the anxiety of our siblings. We felt the anxiety of the extended family. And we kind of just ingested all of it. And then it's only decades later that you kind of even realize that you might be sitting at like,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
a dinner table at a holiday dinner at your parents' house, or you're sitting around with your family and you go, wait a minute, everyone here is carrying anxiety and you can actually see it. But then you realize you've kept onto it for decades. What do you do when you feel like you've been carrying the baggage of anxiety that you picked up when you were a kid and you haven't unpacked for 20 years?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty. Ha, ha.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
So in England, I remember when I was at school, we'd have fire drills, right? And even here you have a fire drill. And it's like that fire drill may or may never come, like the real thing may or may never come, but you're prepared. And now you know that even in the face of a fire drill, you know what to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to listen, learn, and grow. Today's guest is on for his third time, came on in season one. I'm always super grateful to my friends who showed up when we were this tiny little podcast trying to figure out our way. And when they come back with new, exciting information, reflections, revelations, I can't wait to have them back on the show.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
You know what the exit is, you know what to take, what not to take, you know where to line up outside school, whatever it may be. And I think that's what it is for life. It's almost like you can't fire drill everything, because that's where anxiety comes from too. Because you're like, I'm going to prepare for everything possibly bad that could happen. And that could be an unlimited list.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
But at the same time, it's having the confidence that I've built the skills to know I can deal with certain things. And by the way, there will be curveballs that I don't have a clue with. I want to go back to what you said about family. What do you do when the family that, as you said, installed the buttons, when they push them, what do you do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And that's the thing, that even when you set boundaries... that person's still going to break your boundary. If you set the boundary, which I'm just going to use yours as an example, if you talk to me about getting married and having kids and all this traditional way of living, I'm going to talk to you less.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
You may find that even when you make an effort to talk to that person, they still bring it up. You may find whenever they get an opportunity, they message you about it. So they're going to do that anyway. Yeah. I think the challenge people have is they feel guilty for not loving their family, not being seen as a good person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Maybe they even feel guilty for not delivering on the promise or the expectation that their parents have. And then that guilt and shame, which you call like anxieties, BFFs. Yeah. Like, It's really weird because you're like now going, you're breaking your boundary to make yourself feel better for how you take care of that person or because you just love them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
But now you're breaking it, but then they upset you again. So it gets really messy. Like how do we really define it in a way that we go, yes, that makes sense. Now I know why I'm going to keep it that way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Today's guest is none other than Humble the Poet, an artist, rapper, spoken word artist, international bestselling author, and former elementary school teacher, if you didn't know. Known for his tattoos, beard, head wrap, and infectious smile, he captivates audiences with thought-provoking ideas that challenge conventional wisdom.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
That's a great redefinition. Like that understanding, I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that before about that difference between authentic guilt and people pleasing. Because you're so right, that resonated completely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
that idea that if i was if i was rude to someone i would think about that the whole day because i'd be upset because i know that's not who i am is very different to like oh i want to make sure that that person likes me again and that i hope that they yeah it's such a such a great redefinition and one of the biggest places we fit it as home as you say but we also feel it with our friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And you talk about how anxious friends equals anxious you. The challenge today is a lot of our friends are anxious. If we get rid of all of our anxious friends, we may not have any friends left. So what do we do? Because I feel like also all of our friends have different anxieties. Someone's anxious about their career. Someone's anxious about their relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Someone's anxious about their appearance. Someone's anxious about this. How do you deal with an anxious friend?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Humble's dynamic live performances have taken him to major festivals all across the world. And he's been featured in the New York Times, Buzzfeed, Vogue, Rolling Stone, and HuffPost. Humble is the author of Unlearned, Things No One Else Can Teach Us. And here to talk about his latest book, which I want you to grab right now, it's called Unanxious, 50 Simple Truths to Help Overthinkers Threaten.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
feel less stress and more calm. If your goal this year is to manage and navigate anxiety better, this is the book for you. It's called Unanxious. We'll put the link in the comments. Welcome back to On Purpose. My dear, dear friend, one of the realest guys I know, someone that I slouch around when he's here. I'm my full self because we do this offline anyway. Humble, the poet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Explain how this friend did not know the difference between a spa and a nude sauna.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
So you're encouraging everyone goes to a nude spa?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Especially when you lock in a new habit, then when it breaks, you're just beating yourself up about not having that habit. Absolutely. So like I've been working out consistently this year, probably like four or five times a week and I feel great. And then last week I was on the road and I could, I genuinely just couldn't work out. I was in a different city every day. I was barely in the hotel.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
I would have been having to work out like 10 p.m. or something. And I prioritized my sleep over my workout. And there was a part of me that was just beating myself up going, oh man, you just missed four days. You didn't work out. Like, oh man, you know, you haven't got the discipline, whatever it is. That doesn't make you want to get back on it. That just makes you feel worse.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Whereas then I gave myself grace by the end of it. And I was like, look, you know what? I needed some time off. I also slept really well. I also didn't get sick because I wasn't pushing myself. And by the way, I'm really excited to get back to working out this week when I'm home because I've had a bit of a break and my body needed it while I was traveling. And all of a sudden you're refreshed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And so there's so much truth in the fact that guilt blocks growth. You don't guilt yourself into becoming better. It doesn't work that way. You encourage yourself. You've got to talk to yourself. I think they've done studies where they looked at how teachers talk to students, and you used to be a teacher.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Humble, it's great to have you back, man.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Teachers who just told their students that they weren't smart or they didn't figure it out, that never made a student better. A student who believed that their teacher believed in them made a huge difference to their result in their psychology.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Dude, it's just, it's so fun when like, you know, I really have been thinking about that first season so much lately. And it's because there's so many guests who've kind of come back. So we just had Dr. Daniel Amen on. It's been his fifth time he's been on in six years, which is insane. Khloe Kardashian just came back on for the second time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
It leads nicely on to the next thing I wanted to pick out, which you said, don't should all over yourself. So I should be more productive. I should be happier. I should have this figured out by now. I should work out five days a week, even when I'm traveling. I should never make mistakes. I should be in a relationship by now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
I think we have so many shoulds and a should, as you clearly say, doesn't create a shift. None of us do more when we think we should do something. And
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
you know what don't you feel this way that we all know what we need to do like even when i'm giving a keynote when i'm recording a podcast in my head i'm thinking everyone already knows what they need to do most people unless you're something specific like i'm trying to figure out how to build a business i need to i don't i may not know yeah but most of us know what we need to change in our life like we're actually quite aware of it what is the block
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
from i know to i am and in the middle it's like the should is what ruins it almost yeah right we keep saying i should work out four times a week because we know we should yeah but then why is the should the block i think the should is the language of perfectionism
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And she was one of those first people that really helped us grow. And so it's just like people who believed in the show when it was, you know, finding its way. And you were one of them. So I'm very grateful to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
You're the best. All right, I want to dive in because this book is... You dropped so many bars in this book that I was like, the only way to do the book justice and for people to realize it's worth picking up is me to read stuff from the book. And right in the introduction, you say something, and I think it just sets the tone for the rest of the book.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
100%.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Yeah, and I think it's hard because I'll give an example. Like I landed at Sunday. I would have got into bed by like 1 a.m. And I knew I had a workout at 8 a.m. in the morning scheduled. And everything about me was like I've been on the road. I'm tired. I've been working. It's all work. I gave four keynotes in four days, podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
But what was really interesting is that I'm at a place in my life where I've actually realized that waking up and working out actually sets me up to have more energy throughout the day. So now I'm fully convinced. Now, if this was literally three or four years ago, I would have said, no, I need to have grace on myself. I'm going to let myself lie in. I'm not going to work out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Maybe I won't even work out for two, three days because I deserve a break. The thing is that actually didn't make me stronger or more resilient. It actually made me more sluggish. It actually slowed me down. So sometimes grace is actually choosing something that's good for you, even if it doesn't feel good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Exactly, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
You say, anxiety isn't something that needs curing. Why was that important for people to know right at the beginning?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Yes, exactly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
I've always been saying that there's like, there's two types of people. One needs to do the easy thing first. to build confidence and get to the hard challenge. And there's other people that need to do the hard thing first. They need to throw themselves into the deep end in order to build confidence. And it's really important to know which one you are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Because some people, if you are someone who needs to do the hard thing first and you keep trying to build up confidence through small things, you'll actually never ever get to the hard thing or you'll feel like you'll take on a challenge that isn't big enough. Yes. And if you're someone who's like, oh my God, I need baby steps.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And now your friend over here is lifting like 10 times as much as you are. Now you're pushing yourself. You won't do it either. And that's why it's such a individual journey. But I find so much anxiety is around timelines. It's all around comparison. And I was thinking about this. When you're at school,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
The one thing you don't have anxiety about as much is people being ahead of you or people having figured something out. Because everyone goes from seventh grade to eighth grade to ninth grade. All of a sudden when you graduate, now someone's getting promoted first and someone's getting promoted last. Someone's getting engaged first and someone's getting engaged last.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Someone got the beautiful new apartment and someone is still living with their parents. All of a sudden now, there's this timeline effect where I'm now anxious because I'm not 30 and married and making six figures and whatever it may be, building a family. How do you deal with that existential anxiety? Because this anxiety is more about
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
than the anxiety of just, I'm anxious about talking to these people. I'm anxious about this friend. This is like this existential anxiety that sometimes we just don't even want to think about, but it's in the back of our mind. Crap, I'm 30 and I'm not married. I'm 40 and I don't have kids, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
That's so good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
I love that. I mean, that is such a big one because I hear that so often. And I think you're so right. Most people are going to events that they don't even want to go to. They're hanging around people that they don't want to hang around. And then we're wondering why we're socially anxious. And we also say that person's an introvert or they feel like an introvert.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And someone who knows them goes, they're not an introvert. They're really loud around their people. And that person is wild around their people. Absolutely. It's just right now they're not around their people. And you have this beautiful quote in here. You say, the only way people can accept the real you is if you show them the real you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And I think that's what it is, is that sometimes we don't even know the people that are around us because if that's not their vibe, if that's not their crew of people, they're never showing the real them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And that's, I know that for me, even in a crowd full of people, I'll try and find the person who wants to have a deep spiritual conversation. The amount of time me and you and Jeremy, our good friend, end up together at parties, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
So when we're at a party, and I know Humble and Jeremy are going to be there, I know we're going to find a little corner to have like a conversation, a discussion, a debate, a thought process. Like that's what's going to happen. And that's why I don't feel out of place at the party.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
But if you expect me to just kind of have two-second conversations with lots of people and just hang around, that's not how I like to spend my time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Absolutely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And I've got to look for... I can still be at a big party and look for my community. And I think, again, it goes back to what you're saying. It's knowing yourself where people just go, oh, no, I just don't like big parties. It's like, no, no, no, but... There's a way in every space, in every world. It's kind of like people who have judgments about New York or LA or London or whatever it is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
We can have these broad strokes judgments. And it's like, no, you can create what you want here. It does exist. It just depends on if it exists in the way you want to create and how it works for you. But let's not sit around here and go, I'm just not going to, it's not possible in this place.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Because that's like saying one day you're going to get to the point where you go, this is no one, no one's my type on planet earth. Right. And it's like, that's not a healthy mindset to have.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Well said. There's one quote that I picked out here just because I loved it. You said, our broken heart is an open heart. And that said so much to me because I felt that if my heart's ever been broken, it's only led me to more compassion, more context. But I wanted to hear why you were inspired to write our broken heart is an open heart.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
It's almost like a broken heart is an open mind. Like that idea that now I can actually allow for life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
One of the things me and you talk about a lot when we're having our offline conversations is this difference in the idea of East and West. So the Western ideology is I had anxiety, I don't have it anymore. So everything's painted as this before and after.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
I think the anxiety around aging is and death for ourselves and the people we love is without a doubt the anxiety we avoid the most right the anxiety of oh my god i'm getting older oh my god someone in my life is unwell diseased god someone just died like there's such an anxiety around that What have you found to be helpful at that time as you're going through it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
What would you wish you would have been told or what do you wish people would hear in order to help soothe that anxiety?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And we know that the East, which we both take inspiration from, is more cyclical, where it's like, well, wait a minute, anxiety isn't going to go away. It's going to keep showing up in my life in different ways. Now, if anxiety shows up in the same way, it's because I'm not learning. I'm not strengthening. I'm not hearing the signal, as you just called it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Absolutely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And it's going to show up in different ways because even if I hear the signal of anxiety here, anxiety is going to show up in another way over here. And so I love that you really make it clear off the bat that this isn't about solving a problem, right? It's not about getting rid of it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And there's a reason why Stoicism has memento mori. There's a reason why Buddhism has the statement you shared. There's a reason why these wisdom traditions will remind us of that impermanence and insignificance to some degree. And again, I loved what you said. It's not in a negative way. It's not in a morbid way. It's actually to free yourself from Of the pressure and stress you put on yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Humble the Poet, the book is called Unanxious, 50 Simple Truths to Help Overthinkers Feel Less Stress and More Calm. As always, I love your books, Humble, because the way you divide up these 50 lessons is so beautiful and it's so easy to digest, easy to understand. There's highlighted statements, there's quotes. Each section of the 50 is like, you know, two, three pages.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Thank you for always making... complex, big, difficult topics, simple, easy, and accessible for everyone to understand. Congratulations. Thank you, man.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
No, man, it was fun. The best thing is hearing about your friends working on stuff and working on it with them. And you do the same for me. And just, I think that is the joy of it. And you are right. That is the best part about it. And the fact that now people can dive into it is beautiful. And yeah, I wrote on the front cover, three pages in, you'll feel a thousand pounds lighter.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Calling all 9-9ers. Now streaming. It's the More Better Podcast with two episodes of Brooklyn 9-9 Fun. Host Stephanie Beatriz and Melissa Fumero welcome former castmates Chelsea Peretti and Joe Latrullio for one episode each to laugh and swap stories. Like Andre would always be like, try and step in and do less. Do less. Yeah, do less all the time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And I really feel that way. It's just made so simple.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Well said. And grab a copy of the book, Unanxious. It's available right now. Make sure you follow Humble across social media. If you don't already, and Humble, I hope you come back many, many more times to have more of these conversations. And I can't wait to hang this weekend and chat more as well, my friend. So thank you, brother. Thank you so much. Appreciate it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Super proud of you and really grateful for what you're doing in the world and excited for people to read this. Thank you, man. Thank you, brother.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
If this is the year that you're trying to get creative, you're trying to build more, I need you to listen to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods that lead to success, and the secret to genuinely loving what you do. If you're trying to find your passion and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Just because I like it, that doesn't give it any value. Like, as an artist, if you like it, that's all of the value. That's the success comes when you say, I like this enough for other people to see it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Oh, I love that. I love that. I think it resonates so strongly with me because I've been thinking a lot about how when you're anxious about something, you feel like you only have two options. So it's like, I either overcome this and my life's going to be better or I'm stuck with this for the rest of my life and my life's over, right? We kind of get these two extreme options.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And the fact that you're saying, well, wait a minute, there's a third option. There's a fourth and there's 50 in here. That's actually what we all want to feel. I remember when I was anxious about the fact that I hated my job, my career wasn't really going where I wanted it to go, but then I was anxious about leaving.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
I realized the problem was my anxiety was all based on the fact that I had limited options. I thought I either stay somewhere I hate or I leave and then I'm lost because I don't know what's going to come. And as soon as I started updating my LinkedIn resume and I saw other job offers coming in and there were other options, I was like, oh, it's not as bad anymore.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
But nothing really changed apart from the fact that I could see a few steps further. What have you found is the best way to open up your mind to more options when you're in a position where you feel imprisoned and trapped by your thinking?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
But then some of the biggest things were the biggest hits, like Vindication, remember? Listen to More Better with Stephanie and Melissa on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
It's powerful when you paint that picture because I'm sitting there going, I'm trying to think about all the times I've avoided things that I didn't want to do. And I remember at one point I just avoided working out. Like I love playing sport, but I just didn't want to work out. I didn't enjoy it. I'd come up with loads of excuses. I arranged my life in a way that I didn't have to do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
And as I grew older and you realize the value of getting stronger and taking care of your body, not just aesthetically, but for the purpose of health, like to actually live a healthy life, a strong life, you start going, well, wait a minute. Actually, it was only doing the thing and turning up when I didn't want to that has left me feeling better and stronger.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
As opposed to when I was running away from it, I was just getting weaker and weaker.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Yeah, and this isn't about making your life harder. It's being able to make your life harder in a controlled, choice-based environment. Like, it's not like just like, you're not just creating drama in your life. That's not the point.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
Yeah, and it builds more confidence, right? Because when you're doing difficult things, I always say to people, someone asked me the other day, they said, Jay, how do I feel confident before I do this? And I said, I never feel confident before I do something. I feel prepared, I feel organized, and I feel practiced. I feel confident after I conquer it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
So when I'm about to give a talk, I don't feel confident before I give a talk, but I know I've practiced, I know I've prepared, and I know I'm organized. Now I give the talk and then I feel confident because I built a new muscle, built a new skill, whatever it may have been. And so this idea that I need to feel confident before I do something, I need to not feel anxiety before I do something,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
is actually quite unnatural. How do we get comfortable with discomfort? How do we get comfortable with uncertainty when we're wired to want things to feel good and be comfortable?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Humble the Poet: Transform Your Relationship With Anxiety (6 Strategies for Overthinkers
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Easiest Way to Start Investing Today— No Experience Needed (You Just Need $1!) with Robinhood CEO
Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty. Hi.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Easiest Way to Start Investing Today— No Experience Needed (You Just Need $1!) with Robinhood CEO
Hi, this is Ruthie Rogers, host of our podcast, Ruthie's Table 4.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Easiest Way to Start Investing Today— No Experience Needed (You Just Need $1!) with Robinhood CEO
Elton John and his husband, David Furnish, fell in love over food. It was from Mr. Chow's, and Elton didn't know what I liked, so he ordered the entire menu. I'd marry you the minute somebody did that. Listen to Ruthie's Table 4 on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search Ruthie's Table 4. Start listening.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah. Yeah. I like that idea of moving towards your calm. I mean, it's the same in relationships. Like I had one of my friends, she's going to hate me for putting it out. One of my friends messaged me the other day and she was just like, just went out with this guy. He was perfect. We had the same values. He'd be an amazing dad, but I just didn't feel it. And I was like, dude, did you feel peace?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Did you feel calm? And she was like, felt so peaceful. It felt so calm. I was like, you should at least give it a second date or a third date. Like you don't just write it off. And it was so interesting to me how we're so averse to things feeling aligned. Like we have this kind of, allergic reaction when something feels aligned and something actually feels like we connect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah, I really like that comparison between the two because obviously you were brilliant at both. And it's hard to decipher. I meet a lot of people who are like, Jay, I could do this or I could do this. Which one should I do? It's like a very common question that I get. I'm passionate about this and I'm passionate about this. And what I hear what you're saying to kind of decipher and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Divide the two is, well, maybe you're addicted to this and maybe you have a lot of affection for this over here and go with the thing that feels less overtly stressful, less dramatic, less like the high is really high and the low is really low.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
You've reminded me of this great book that I read a long time ago called Flow State. It's all about flow. And it talks about this idea that comedians, speakers, musicians, athletes experience flow state. Flow state is defined as when your skills meet the challenge. So when your skills and challenge are perfectly aligned, you experience flow. But what most of us experience are the opposite.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
So we experience our skills being above our challenge. So we feel bored and frustrated and kind of lethargic. Or you experience where your challenge is way above your skills and then you feel depressed and you feel annoyed and you feel angry. Out of control. out of control. And so we've got to constantly find a space or find the thing where your challenges and your skills meet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And I've always liked that idea. And how does competition look like as a comedian?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
I really love the way you've analyzed both. And I think anyone who's listening right now would gain so much from it because I think so many people are doing this mental exercise in their head, like the pros and cons of like, if I stay in this job, what's it going to feel like? If I quit my job, what's it going to feel like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Or if I start a podcast as the example you gave, or if I do this, what's it going to feel like? And the truth is, this is what you've got to move towards.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose. I am so excited for today's guest. I was a guest on her show probably just over a year ago. We had the best time. And if you haven't listened to it, I hope you will after this episode. Today's guest is someone that is known for being hilariously funny.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah. What's really great is that it sounds like you evaluate things as how you feel about them. And so I wonder what's your relationship like with wanting to be liked?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
extremely witty, someone who's got the ability to make you think, laugh, and all of the same at the same time. Her name is Hannah Berner, one of the most influential rising comedians of this generation. She has two hit podcasts, as if one wasn't good enough, Giggly Squad and Berner Phone, which have garnered over 100 million combined downloads.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Hannah's video series, Hannah on the Street, has earned over 350 million views, and Hannah was named one of Variety's top 10 comics to watch in 2023. She also just finished touring her solo stand-up routine to sold-out theaters across North America and Europe, and will embark on a Club Giggly national tour with co-host Paige de Sorbo.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
The duo will release their book, How to Giggle, a guide to taking life less seriously via Simon & Schuster on April 15th, 2025. So lots to look forward to. And most recently, Hannah debuted her first Netflix comedy special, We Ride at Dawn, which premiered at number two on the platform and is streaming now. Welcome to the show, Hannah Burner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
That's it, that's it. You've lived, you've lived.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
I appreciate it. It's amazing. It's so fun. Like when we met last year, I was learning. All of my team are huge fans, like huge fans. And I was learning so much about you through them. And they were just like, this is amazing. You know, and just to see the incredible journey you've been on over the last 18 months is amazing. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
. . . . ., in P P P P P P P P in實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a en in in in in in in in in in in a. P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P gener bo errand gi bo errand gi bo errand gi bo errand gi bo errand gi bo errand gi.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
, , , , ,, P. P. P. P. P. P. ac ac ac ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ag ac G P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P gener bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi bo stead gi e ,ö e e , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And I was going to start by asking you, have you always been this confident?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah, now that you've started a crazy rumor about Dua Lipa. Now you're interested.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Now I was going to ask you, what's the craziest rumor you've ever heard about yourself?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
That's so wonderful to hear though. Yeah. It's interesting, isn't it? Because I think as things grow also you realize –
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
the different values of your community as well as you get older you realize the value that they play in different you go through more you go through more and so you rely on them for more things like when you're a kid maybe they helped you move to college or maybe they you know it's things like that whereas when you grow up you're like no I just called you and cried and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
I remember for me, it was like my mom saying something. I was going through a tough time and I don't really call my mom for advice. I never have. She's always been loving and supportive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
That's my wife. My wife will call her mom like six times a day. And I literally call my mom once a month. And I remember my mom just like once, like we were on a call and I didn't tell her things were hard, but obviously she's my mom. She can sense that things were hard. This was like seven, eight years ago. And she just said like one of the most motivational things to me ever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And she never does that. So like, I'm not used to that from her. And it was about me and about something in my past. I'll tell you off camera later. And it was just one of those things that I was like, no way. Like, I didn't even know we had that relationship. Or you just gave me like a really big gift in my... I was just turning 30 maybe, like... At that time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And I couldn't believe that she said that to me then. And so I would never have realized that if I wasn't going through that point in my life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And she didn't sense it. So I didn't see the value my mom could offer me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
So heavy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah, I'm still trying to get you to like me. I was trying. I do messaging. No, I do think it's just, there's vibes, there's good vibes. Yeah, yeah, no, for sure. And I couldn't agree with you more. There isn't, I think tactics and hacks and things like that get you very, don't get you very far with humans.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Like they work on things, they work on tools, they work on strategy and projects and things like that, but they don't really work well with people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
So we've talked so much about your confidence in these spaces. How did it apply to your love life? What was that like in relationship and dating? Were you as analytical? Were you able to make sense of stuff? Or in that area, were you like...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Had you ever played tennis before?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah. I feel like so many of the people I know right now are just struggling with dating. Like I'm sure you have loads of single friends too. Yeah. You're just like, Jay, can you introduce me to someone? Or I don't know how to meet someone. I'm on all the apps. I'm doing this. I'm doing that. And it feels like it's just the wild, wild west for people. Like it's so hard. I know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
At least that's how it seems. I know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah. No, but I think you're so right that the halo effect is so strong. Like we can stay with someone off of like the tiniest thing. Like people will stay in a relationship because someone's hot, because someone makes lots of money, because someone's really good at one thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And it's so easy to do that because the halo effect is so powerful. You were saying in a very sincere way, like, do you want to listen to their voice for the rest of your life? And I was just thinking of someone going to me, I really like the sound of his voice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And it's like, you're just attracted to the sound of someone's voice, but not really the content of what they're saying or who they are and what you're talking about, someone's soul. And it's so hard for our brains to detach from that which is pleasurable to that which is actually... Oh my God, you're so right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
What were some of the surprising challenges that came up in marriage that maybe you didn't expect?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah, that's dope. I mean, that's such a great mindset. I mean, you reminded me of me ice skating when I was young. I was, I was like, I could skate then and I couldn't stop. Like I didn't know how to slow down. So I would just fall when I had to stop. And now it's like, I'm the guy holding the side going.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah, I remember reading a study that talked about how what we really get addicted to at the beginning of a relationship is stress and excitement. Yes. So the excitement of, I just texted them, the stress of, will they text me back? Yes, you get addicted. The excitement of like, I just told all my friends about this guy, the stress of... I don't know if he's talking about me to his friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And so that keeps you, it's what you're saying, the game keeps you going. And then all of a sudden when you actually end up with someone, then it's just peaceful. And then everyone goes, wait a minute, there's no excitement anymore. It's like, no, no, no. You were just addicted to stress. Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
If you build it, they will come. For men, I think it's similar. Like all the most successful men that I've spoken to have all said that their success came when they committed to one woman. And then they actually had time and energy to build everything else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
when we're around you guys have a really fun yeah yeah yeah we love to our love language for sure too it has to be we always feel like when we're around new people or new couples they're like do you have have issues with each other i'm like no no this is just this is who we are like we're constantly bantering and that's that's our way of showing love to each other and it works for us and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
I can also get really emotional. Like when Radhi's traveling or whatever, I'll literally be like, there's no light in the house. Like I'm just like, I get fully like, I'm like, no, the house feels different. Like it's not the same because I'm so used to just walking back there, seeing her, giving her a hug, whatever it is, even in the work there. And then when she's traveling, I'm like...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
No, where is she? But I love the idea of missing her. It works. Yes, yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Totally. I've seen people like break their teeth and chip them. Fingers flying. Fingers flying. I'm like, I don't need that to happen at this age. But it seems like you've channeled that into your career, right? Like that energy, it's not like it got lost somewhere.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Mic drop. Yeah, that's real. No, that's so real. That's the realest thing ever. And I wish more people would internalize that because that is exactly what it is. And I have a friend who was with his partner through the loss of her mom recently. Yeah. And it was the hardest thing for her. And he was the best partner I think she could have had during that time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah. I wanted to pivot slightly because I feel like you pointed out your tie earlier and I think this is a great outfit. Thank you. We have to talk about it. But, you know, I feel like your whole career from day one, it's been operating in a male dominant, like even, I mean, this article headline was... So this one, 15 years ago, New York Times, she plays with boys and rivals don't like it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And it's like, that's crazy, right? And it's like 15 years ago. Even now, like comedy is definitely more male dominated, has been. And I think it's a really interesting thing because I've been speaking to a lot of my friends male friends recently either married or have girlfriends, long-term relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And a lot of the women they're with feel really scared about pivoting careers, feel scared about changing their identity, about how they're perceived in their small community of friends. And these aren't people who are saying, I want to be really famous or I want to be really rich. It's just people thinking like,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
maybe I don't want to be a doctor and maybe I do want to do this or maybe I do want to be a yoga instructor or maybe I do want to do fitness or whatever it is it's people making just genuine choices and it's funny because when I talk to my guy friends about it they've all done it and it feels really easy for a guy to like somewhat change his perception and identity whereas for women it feels a bit harder if you had to say something to them what would you say to women who are feeling like it's hard
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
But before we get to that, I wanted to ask you a few more things because when I was looking into parts of your journey and what you've talked about and what you haven't,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah, you've lived so many lives, but I feel you've been amazing at pivoting and you've been like what I like to think of like an expert in quitting. Like you've been good at knowing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Good advice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
That's great advice. I love that. And you're spot on. I remember looking at the studies a few years ago, and it literally said that if a guy looks at an application and he can do four out of 10 things, he'll apply. And if a girl looks at it and she can do eight out of 10 things, she won't apply.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
So needed. That's great advice. I love that. I love that. Hannah, if your younger self was to look at you now, if you were to go meet her and she saw you having the Netflix special, doing what you're doing today, touring, what do you think she'd say?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
That jealousy point is so clear. I feel like we're living at a time where it's so scary to share your dreams with someone else because you're scared it might remind them that they're not chasing theirs. And you're scared that they may react and tell you not to chase it because they don't believe in you. And the truth is they never had the strength to even give themselves the worth to chase theirs.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And then at the same time, you're scared of hearing it because it might remind you of the doubt you already have in your own abilities and And the fears you already have and the insecurities you have that it's not possible for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And it creates a really messy situation in society, I feel, because you have less people wanting to chase their dreams, less people rooting for them, and less people admitting what their dreams are. And that feels like a really bad place to live where dreams are becoming buried deeper and deeper and deeper inside someone's soul and, you know, never get seen. Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And so if someone's feeling that and they're feeling that jealousy, which you so beautifully said could be a sign or a signal that that's what you want to do. What would you say is the first three steps someone should take if they think they have a crazy dream? They may never have done it before. They don't really get it, but they feel that deep inside of them. It's always been there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah. It's so funny. Seven years ago, I had a production company reach out to me from LA. They'd seen my first ever video that had gone viral. And they loved it. And they'd reached out and said, we want to build a TV show around you. And so I was like, I couldn't believe it because I just started creating content and had a viral video. And I thought that was cool enough as it was.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
So anyway, I like flew to LA on my own dime. I didn't have a lot of money then. Sat down, had meetings, went back and forth, worked on creative on top of my day job, came back to pitch it again on my own dime. Like I was trying to figure out how I was going to do it. We pitched it and no one wanted the show, but I built loads of great relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And so I built all these great relationships at streamers, production companies, became really good friends with some of them, but no one liked the show idea that we had. And it's so funny because I always look at that and I go, I'm so glad. that an idea that I didn't fully own, that wasn't fully mine, got rejected because then I built this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Even though at the time you probably were like, I didn't make it. Yeah, at the time it was just like, it felt like everything was going, not everything was going wrong, but that was the big moment and I fumbled it somehow. Yeah, yeah. And like, right? I felt like I fumbled. Yeah, you just felt like you just dropped the ball. Yeah, you were like, that was my moment and that's it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
How will your body tell you that? Like, what's the... Anxiety.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
That's so powerful. I love that you said that because I think we don't, connect those two things. We see it as, oh, I'm having anxious feelings. I feel nervous. Your body's protecting you. Yeah, totally. But it is signaling something. It's telling you something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah. Why do you think we project that expectation onto a dream? Like, if you think about it, when you think you're going to become a tennis player today, you're a comedian, you've lived a million lives in between. I'm sure you'll live a million more and you'll keep evolving. But a lot of us, like you said, we just stayed glued to, I could have been, I should have been, if only I would have been.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And that way we never shift our lens. What allows you to be so positive about going, let me trust that that isn't for me and I don't fit in here. If people are listening and watching and they're thinking their first dream hasn't come true or they failed at their first dream, how do you start believing in a second dream?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
I love that. You would have been that player smashing the rackets.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
I can relate to you in so many ways. Like my life's so different, but as you're speaking, I feel exactly the same way. Like I think even when we sat on your show, I was talking about how leaving, being a monk felt like a divorce at the time. Yes. And because I felt like I was getting married, it was a commitment. It was something I was really excited about.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And then now it's been 11 years since I've left the monastery and I am so happy I left. And I couldn't agree with you more that I too have lived so many lives in between that and this. I went back into the corporate world. I worked... in a massive corporation with 500,000 employees and all of what that looked like. And then I worked at a media company. I was at HuffPost for briefly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
And so I've lived so many lives and I couldn't agree with you more that I've just constantly tried to move closer to who I really am and align with how I want to express myself, who I want to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
You can't know it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
Yeah. Is it true that I heard somewhere very briefly that you were hit by a car? Oh, yeah. Is that like, because I couldn't really, I was trying to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
No, it's so true. And it's even harder when it's almost like a life that you came into because it wasn't the life that you had.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
It's extremely thick skinned for you to be able to say, I love you. So I don't care about it. But like you said, sometimes things got through. How did you navigate that together? How did you navigate that personally? Because like you said, there's always that one comment that kind of squeezes through that thick skin that we have that does affect us. And we all go through it. I know I go through it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
How did you navigate that? How did you navigate that together?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
That's amazing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
That's incredible to hear, I mean, about his character and just how comforting and loving he was and supportive he was. Was, as you just mentioned there, that he sometimes received it too. You know, obviously from my outside perspective, it's like you look at someone like him who's so beloved, so appreciated, admired. What was he experiencing? What was he going through?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. He seems like a humble, wonderful, kind, giving human being.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
And at the same time, was he already struggling with addiction and mental health challenges when you both met? Or was that something that you saw develop?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Yeah, I think that makes so much sense. I feel for all of us, if you haven't seen someone with an addiction close up, you actually don't realize how deeply conditioned and wired it is for that person. And it's so easy from afar to say, oh, well, why can't you just stop? Or why can't you just quit? Or why can't you just not do that? And that's a natural feeling people have.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
But as you move closer to someone who has an addiction, you recognize that it's actually them acting against their own will. It can be really something that just pulls them towards it, even when they really don't want it. And whenever I've met or seen people with addiction, I've seen that to be the case. And
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
I really appreciate you being so honest about it because I think when you're new to it, when you don't have an experience of it, that is how we process it. How did you start to notice it? When was it that you started to notice that this wasn't something that just goes away or that he can stop? And how did you adapt and change and show up for him in those times?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
I wanted to ask you why you felt that you wanted to come here to speak about this and why right now I want to talk about how you found out on the day that we sadly lost Liam.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
What was the last conversation you'd had with Liam?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Yeah, absolutely. And it's a lot to try even beyond this situation. I think it's so hard and I'm empathizing with so many people who are probably listening and watching to this right now, who are trying to support a partner through something like this or a friend or a family member. And it can be really hard on you because you take on this responsibility, you take on this role. And
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
every day it changes, right? It's not linear. I think a lot of people think it gets better every day, but you could get better for three days and then feel like you move back four steps.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Yeah, it's shifting every single day. And it's very challenging for both people because the person who's suffering doesn't want to put that on the other person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
And the person who's trying to help wants to let go of that suffering. And so it's heavy for both people. It's also not just a one-way thing. It's both sides. I've seen people through addiction and having mental health disorders that are just feeling so bad for their caretaker or their partner or friend who's trying to help them through it. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
And I believe you brought one of those letters that you thought could share.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Yeah. Did you overall feel like things were getting better? Did you feel that he was moving in the right direction? Like, what was your thoughts about how that progress was happening for him?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
So Kate, I want to talk about how you found out on the day that we sadly lost Liam. And what happened that day? Where were you and how did you find out?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I am so grateful that you've tuned in today to listen, learn, and grow. We have built this platform as a place of happiness, of health, and of healing. And today I'm really, truly grateful because I have the honor of sitting down with Kate Cassidy. the girlfriend to internationally beloved artist and former One Direction member Liam Payne.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Yeah. People talk about phone calls you never want to receive in life. And that's definitely one of them. I can't imagine the shock, the lack of power, control, ability to change anything in that moment, the lack of feeling helpless and confirmation, not confirmation. I mean, there's so many emotions that are...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
running there i again so sorry to even hear about it that way and you know the courage that you have to share it right now i'm sure it's not easy at all what was the last conversation you'd had with liam is that something that you were thinking about then did you remember that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
And Liam's voice, talent, and charisma left an indelible mark on millions. And his sudden passing on October 16th left the world mourning a true star. Nearly three years ago, while working as a waitress in Charleston, which we'll hear about more, Fate introduced Kate to Liam. Kate is here to share her story of love, loss, and the strength to move forward.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Please give a warm welcome to Kate Cassidy. Kate, welcome to On Purpose. I want to start by just checking with you and asking you how you're doing today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
I can see how much you're holding back and how hard this is for you. Just, you know, I think when people lose people and you know a family member's sick, it's never easy, ever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
But there's a preparation, there's time to process with a tragic moment like this, which you're not expecting at all. And then to have the shock of it. Did you want to fly to Argentina? Like what was even going through your mind?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
I think a lot of us, when we lose someone, When we lose someone, a lot of us focus on the moment we find out, but we don't often ask people how they felt the morning after. Because it's almost like when you wake up and the news is still true and you realize it's real, it almost feels heavier. What was that next day and that next morning like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
I mean, when I'm hearing that, I feel like losing someone is hard enough, and then losing someone when they're in the public eye and they have fans all over the world, and then when every post you see is about that person and what's happened, it's a different thing to deal with. And where everyone thinks they know or knows who that person was, It's a very different thing to go through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
And I find that you're not only grieving the loss of someone you loved, but you're also grieving the life that you were going to build together. It sounds like when you talk about getting married, was that something that you both had spoken about and talked about?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
I know it hasn't been very long, but what has helped you with the grieving process over the last few months? And as you're in that process and journey still, what's been useful to you? What was helpful to you and what was unhelpful as well? Because I think so many people listening or watching, whether they've lost someone close to them or I think people struggle to know what to say.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
People struggle to know what to do themselves when they've lost someone. What worked for you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
No, and I wanted to start off by, and I was sharing this with you when you first arrived, but I wanted to share my prayers, my condolences to yourself, to Liam, his family, friends, the fans all across the world, like just my prayers for him and for everyone who loves him because it's such a loss that you feel.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
I remember the day it happened and me and my whole team, it was something that impacted everyone. And I wanted to ask you why you felt that you wanted to come here to speak about this and why right now and why this was appropriate timing for you to want to share some of this story.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
And it sounds like you've seen so many other signs after that as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Yeah, I had the pleasure of interviewing Laura Lynn Jackson, who wrote the book Signs.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
And I love that book for anyone who loves learning about signs, loves knowing about signs, that book is speaking so closely to. I don't know if you've ever seen it or ever met Laura Lynn, but she speaks so beautifully about how All of us have different, whether it's numbers, whether it's emblems, symbols, things that we can see anywhere that points to us that we're moving in the right direction.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
And yeah, me and my team have had some pretty crazy experiences when we were preparing for that interview and met her and everything else as well. And so thank you for sharing those because it's amazing to see how Liam's so alive in your life and so present in your life. And I can imagine that's hard too. I'm curious to know what's been the hardest part of the last few months for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Because as much as it's wonderful to see Liam being present in all these places, I'm sure it's hard as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
You know, I think we often think of grief as a, almost as if we're waiting to wake up one day and we don't feel what we felt anymore. And that's, for anyone who's tried to grieve, knows that's not true and it doesn't happen like that. And it's almost like this very day-to-day thing. Day-to-day, we can feel different things, feel different emotions. One day we can be an absolute wreck.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
One day we can speak with... love about the person that we've lost, what's been helping you day to day?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Well, I want to acknowledge how brave that is and how commendable that is. And again, I'm grateful that you're here and giving us the opportunity to hopefully help so many people as well and hopefully do it from a place of peace for yourself. So the last few months for you have been drastically different and changed your life, as you mentioned just now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
And I believe you brought one of those letters with you that you thought could share.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
When was this letter written?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
But before we dive into that, I wanted to focus on who Kate was before Liam, before this, so that we can understand you a bit more and your journey. So talk to me about Kate.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
also knowing how powerful it is for the people we love and the people that love us to have these memories that we can hold on to so deeply, especially as you said so wonderfully in the form of letters. I think it's such a beautiful message for you to share with everyone that what's helping you day to day is these cards, these letters, these
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
moments in time that you've kind of kept as this capsule that you can turn to and experience that love, even if it is challenging, but to reconnect with it and feel closer again to Liam as well. So thank you so much for sharing that with us. As I've been listening to you today, I think you're really brave and courageous to share
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
the journey that you both went on, the journey that you've been on can be very hard with anyone who's beloved by so many people all over the world. Like I said, everyone in my life, when we found out the news, there were messages being shared and people who didn't know him.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
So I can't imagine yourself, his family, everyone else who's actually gone through this loss and had to process it publicly as well. What's something that you think this outpouring from the fans, I mean, the response from the online world was so beautiful to see.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
And it's always, this is something that I find so difficult that when people are alive, they rarely get to see how much everyone loves them. Mm-hmm. And we deal with this back and forth of criticism, challenge, whatever else it may be. And then when we lose someone, we all realize how we actually felt about that person and how they made us feel.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
And we remember the first time we saw that person on screen or the first time we met them if we got that or the first time you went to a concert for someone like Liam or you start seeing all of these stories and memories pour out. And so when you look at that outpouring, what would you have loved for Liam to have experienced?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
That is so close to where I grew up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Yeah. If we're talking about the same Edmonton.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
How do you think he would have reacted if he did have a chance to feel and experience the outpouring of love?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Yeah, absolutely. Hearing about him from you has made me appreciate him even more, respect him even more and feel so much love for him through you and through all the beautiful memories and things that I read about when we found out the news, just to see him being honored and appreciated in that way is really beautiful to see. Whenever we lose someone that's important to us,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
I feel like we find a new part of ourselves because we lose an old part of ourselves. And there's part that, of course, always stays. But for you, what perspectives have changed? What's shifted for you through this journey that you've been on for him? What's a lesson that's kind of risen to the surface?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Okay. I want to thank you for taking the risk, being so courageous. I'm hoping that everyone who's been listening today has felt through you a deeper sense of love for Liam and the beautiful words you shared about him, which I really do believe honor him. And I really hope for anyone who's listening who's lost someone near and dear to them, someone who's close to them,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
feels a sense of peace and healing through you sharing your journey of grief and loss and everything that you're still going through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
And I think you've left us with some really beautiful reminders that I know I'm going to hold on to of whether that's leaving the people we love letters, whether it's making sure that we do what's right for us when we're going through loss because no one really knows what else we're going through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
And ultimately what you're really sharing with all of us that it's the oldest lesson in the world, but it's the one we need again and again and more and more in this world today is that we have no idea what someone's going through. You have no idea what's going on in someone's mind and it doesn't take anything and it doesn't cost anything to be kind and to be loving and to be supportive and to
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
I'm walking away from this conversation feeling inspired and touched and and closer to Liam in a way that I feel grateful that I didn't have the opportunity to before so thank you so much genuinely
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
I'm glad. No, thank you. That means the world to me. And it's another lesson in that, that when someone's ready to talk about it, when they feel comfortable, it can actually help with their healing. So thank you. If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr. Gabor Mate on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Thank you for sharing that. I wanted people to have context of, you know, where you've come from as well. And I can't believe me and your mom have Edmonton in common. That's still blowing my mind. I read somewhere that you said that you had a crush on Liam ever since you were 10 years old and that you even felt that you would definitely meet at some point. Like there was that sense you had.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Kate, thank you so much for sharing that. And I want to hear a bit about how did that evolve into this beautiful relationship? I've seen videos of both of you dancing together and attending events together and whatever else it may be. Talk to me about those early months of dating and how were you managing to spend time together with his busy schedule where you were living? How did that all work?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
How did it feel like going from I have a crush on this person to oh my god she's my boyfriend like what was that realization like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Yeah. That's so beautiful to hear. And what was it like with the media attention on your relationship in those early days? How did you experience that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Kate Cassidy EXCLUSIVE: Sharing Her Last Conversation with Liam Payne and The Real Story Behind Their Relationship
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host, Jay Shetty. And today I'm sitting down with one of the most entertaining and unstoppable forces in comedy, Bert Kreischer. From being named Rolling Stone's number one partier in the nation to becoming one of the highest grossing standup comics, Bert has built an incredible career as a comedian, actor, podcaster, and entrepreneur.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Still till this day?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
It's incredible, isn't it? Like our parents trying to hold us back from seeing their pain, but actually seeing their pain is the only thing that kind of penetrates and make you go, oh wait, they're a human too.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Yeah. That's a big deal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
With six Netflix specials to his name, Burt's latest special, Lucky, was number three in the top 10 most watched TV shows on Netflix. Burt continues to sell out arenas and is also the co-host of Two Bears, One Cave, one of the top comedy podcasts worldwide. Burt's energy, storytelling, and ability to connect with audiences is unmatched, and I can't wait for you to hear it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
No.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
No.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Oh, OK.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
What's the bad Shaq joke?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Oh, that's fun. That's fun. People can look forward to seeing that. But when I'm hearing about your relationship with your dad, I think it's so interesting where we just talked about that unlock of you figure out your parents are human and you also get context of their humanity. Like you were saying his dad died when he was 13 years old and he saw that and then he was scared of losing you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I remember my dad took me to the home he grew up in in India, and his home was the size of this room. His home. So the kitchen's in a corner. By the way, there's five kids that grew up in this house. There's a bed over here. We get there outside, there's bats, cockroaches, and rats everywhere, because he grew up in like this slum-like area. Disgusting. I'm nine years old when I first go.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
And then they shared a toilet with like 20, 30 families. And I remember going there at nine years old and my whole perspective of my dad completely changed because all of a sudden I had like a reference point. My life wasn't luxury in London by any means, but it wasn't that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
And when you see like bats and rats and cockroaches at nine years old, which like freak you out, you think that's how your dad just walked to the toilet. walked back to his house. He was the youngest of five kids. And all of a sudden you just get like a completely different perspective on the man you're looking at. And it sounds like you had that moment as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
And I guess my question is, it sounds like it's not something you had to reconcile through a conversation. Like it's not like you've sat there and therapized it out or fixed it, but there's a resolution that's almost happened between both of you where he can come and watch you on stage even when he hasn't for all these years. Like, would you say there's been healing?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Welcome to On Purpose, Burt Crusher. But you know what's funny? What? I still remember the flight we were on together and we sat down next to each other. And I'm going to sound like such a douche for saying this, but I have to say you were the nicest person in the world. And you were so kind and you were like, I can't remember how you started the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
You said there's forgiveness from your side. Like, what does that look like when there isn't a conversation? Because I think today we've got so much about you got to have the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
But you never, it didn't seem like you were searching for his approval at any point.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Maybe you can, but you were like, I really like your stuff.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I love what you're doing. And I was the idiot who's living under a rock. Yeah. No. It was like, I think I know what you do. It's really cool, but I don't know. And then I came back and I told my team, I was like, I was sitting next to Bert Kreischer, like, you know, we're texting. He's such a nice guy. He was so wonderful. And they were like, you met Bert Kreischer? They're like, he's amazing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
When was the first time you felt like you got his approval?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
He's funny. And I was like, I'm the idiot who doesn't know. And it was just one of those moments where like, You were so kind, you were so endearing, you were so sweet. And I was really touched by that interaction. I never in a million years thought the number one partier in the world and me would have something in common.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Yeah, that's beautiful. I didn't realize we had Will in common either.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
James Lasseter.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Yeah, he's the best. Dude, it's like, as I'm listening to you, I'm just like, there's, it's so interesting because I feel like that moment that you told me about baseball with, you know, you and your dad and your dad telling you like, on your birthday, just go play and then we'll sort it out later. What was the power of that? Like, what was the good thing about that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
And then what was the hard thing about that? Like, there was good, obviously, that came from it. This work ethic. Yeah. This ability to turn up, the ability to push through pain. But there must have been some pain that stayed which searched for that approval. But what was the good and the bad? Because it sounds like you've been able to process both.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Yeah, yeah. And that's what it takes. I mean, I feel like comedy is like there's a new comedian every month that's taking off. You've had like a longstanding career. It's hard to do that, to keep reinventing yourself, keep coming back, special after special, success after success. It's hard to do that. Yeah. It feels like it came from that. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
And you were so funny already. And I was like, oh, this guy's hilarious. Cause you were like. you know what, you're good, but I'm a pretty big deal too. You know, you're cracking. And I was cracking.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
And I was cracking. But it was endearing. Like, I want to put it out there. Like, I'm not trying to overcompensate, but it wasn't arrogance. It was like, I was laughing with you. And it was just so, you just broke the ice. And I was like, this guy's amazing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
What I love about the earthquake story too, it's like what your dad said. If you didn't put yourself under that pressure, you wouldn't have found that great new take.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Wow. People say with comedians, obviously there's such a defense mechanism with humor and comedy to mask pain and challenges and all that kind of stuff. I wonder, and you've said before as well, like I usually, you know, laugh through pain. It's like, what's a pain that you couldn't laugh through?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Well, now I am too. So that's why I wanted you on the show.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
When this opportunity came up, I was like, Bert's the best. And then I got to watch the special too. And I was just like, I really wanted to get inside your mind. I was like, I really want to know, you know, the person behind the amazing success that you've had and the wonderful, endearing person you sit next to on the plane. I was going to ask you, you've probably had some crazy plane stories.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Oh, God. When was the first time you let your daughter see you cry?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I want to know, what's the craziest plane story you've ever had? Seeing as that's where we met.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Well, that's why I find you to be such an interesting, fascinating person. Cause like you've got this larger than life personality. You've got this partier background and then like, you've got like this soft heart. Oh, I'm like the biggest.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Yeah. And it's like, And even when I met you, I could just tell immediately. I was like, you know, this guy's got the softest heart. And at the same time, if I saw you, I wouldn't necessarily have that, you know, perception.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
How does she get about obviously all of the exposure of her life and her sex life as well? What's like allowed? What do you need permission for? What do you get away with without any?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Oh, wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I love that. She's like a comedy coach.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
When did it go from cool to human? Or was it ever cool in the first place?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Well, why do you turn up to the college? You mean to drop them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
How do you deal with that? Like with, when you're raising kids, you've been doing this for a long time. They've probably been exposed to it since they were kids. Yeah. Like how have you had that conversation with them? Because obviously it's still not easy for them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I feel the same way. Yeah. It's like a, it's almost like this is the reason why you get to do what you love every day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Yeah. And I'm assuming with you as well, people have great stories. Like that's how I feel. Like I get to talk to people who just have amazing stories to share and life-changing moments. And I'm like- I feel like if I didn't sit there and listen to that, it almost gives me fuel to keep going and, you know, keep moving because yeah, I hear amazing things. I'm sure you do too.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Yeah, yeah. And it's like, I mean, that's something that you do quite uniquely, I feel. Like the ability to make someone laugh and cry. Even like as we've been talking today, I'm like having like a really emotional moment with you. And then you're like making me crack up at the other end with like grandma's funeral, like being at the hospital. And there's a real beauty in that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Like, have you ever sat and thought about like, was this the first time in this special that you got extra emotional and got people to cry? Was this like one of the first times?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
That's what I'm saying, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Talk to me about what you just said now, that inevitable embracing of insignificance and irrelevance that everyone goes through. Like that idea that one day no one's going to care about me, no one's going to care about you, no one's going to care about 99.9% of everyone who's relevant, current, whatever trending we want to call it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
And there's that thing that creatives go to where you see them holding on to their last bit of relevance and significance. And it's painful to watch, but you understand it because you go, well, wait a minute. I really liked, no matter how much we say, like, you know, Ellen said something that I love. She goes, I used to always say, I didn't care what people thought.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
That's when everyone thought I was amazing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
It's really easy to say, I don't care what anyone thinks when I'm the number one person in the world. But then when you actually are not number one, number two, number three, number four, you start getting down on that list. You'll be on number 10. Now you do start caring what people think, especially like what you said, the new God.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Like, and especially when the new God has respect, that's a beautiful thing. But when the new God's kind of like, you know, living how you were when you were the new God, who has that overconfidence, that arrogance. How do you think about that? Like, how have you reflected? Have you thought about that at all?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
How does your wife react to stories like that when you're like calling her out?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
It's a great song.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
No, I love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
It is a good name. I love what you're saying though that I was driving to one of my client's homes the other day and this is someone I grew up watching, huge fan of, someone that I coach and work with. And I was driving to his house and I walked in and you know, it's like a mile drive from the gate to even get to the house. And I was just like, to live in the moment that I cannot believe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
And now I've been working with him for seven years. So I've driven to this house like every day for years. But I was like, it loses its value when I stop being grateful for it. As soon as it becomes familiar, Like what you're saying, I love what you just said. I love, love, love what you just said.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Because as soon as greatness becomes familiar and excellence becomes familiar and all of this stuff becomes familiar, you lose its value. And then when you lose it, you never got to experience it. So you realize you never had it in the first place because you were just running after it. Like you were chasing the whole time. You never held it. And what you just said is you held it for that moment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
You've always been so open about mental health when I talk about anxiety. And, you know, that's a big priority for us here as well because I find that so many people in their journey never get to share that. People don't get to see that. Within people, you've talked about anxiety, intrusive thoughts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Like, why were you comfortable enough to open up about that without thinking people are going to pick at that, look at that weird, your peers kind of... Where did that get you, get that courage and confidence?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
What's been the most recent panic attack?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Isn't that the best? Like my wife, we just did this video and it was planned by my team. But we did this video where my wife rated my looks on the red carpet for the last seven years or however long it's been. Oh, that's great. And oh, dude, I've got some embarrassing red carpet looks. And my wife does not hold back in this video. She just goes for it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
And she's got so much banter and she's got so much sass. And it's like, all the comments are like, she's a savage. I'm like, yeah, you think she looks cute and all this stuff. But this woman can like go in and it's, and I can, I mean, I can, I can attest to the fact that those are terrible looks.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Oh yeah, I mean, definitely. Trying to breathe in scuba diving is hard enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
You've developed enough coping mechanisms.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
And that relationship feels healthier now with alcohol?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
What's the WHOOP telling you? I see you at the WHOOP one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
And so are they playing you or they think you look cute? I mean, the picture on Baby Walrus is horrible. Let's see. We're going to have to get this for the edit as well so everyone on YouTube can see it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Yeah, we should figure that out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Yeah, I love that. But it has been, I mean, you are literally the best time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
But you're so much fun. You got to realize this is like, there's good chemistry.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I can't wait to meet her. No, honestly, we have to hang outside of this. Like, I'd love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
You're such a good time. And we end every episode with a final five. These questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
But I may ask you to elaborate because I think you're going to give me some awesome answers. So question number one is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I see it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I love that. I fully agree. The amount of publishers that told me not to call my book Think Like a Monk. That was my first book. And they were like, don't call it that. No one wants to think like a monk.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
And data, which is already in the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Oh, God. The worst. We'll get back to the family in a second. But I wanted to... Were you always the class clown? Was this always natural for you? Were you the guy who could make everyone laugh and get attention? Was that who you were?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I love that. Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
That is so good. You know what? When you came in today and I buzzed you in and I saw you without your shirt on, I was like, he's going to do it without a shirt. I love it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I was like, he's going to do it without a shirt. I told the team, I was like. He's coming without a shirt. He's going to do it. And then you came out of the car, and then your team had your shirt. And I was like, oh, okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Dude, it's great. I love it. I was like, guys, he's going to do it with his shirt.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
It's a really nice shirt. I really like it. You look great, bro. You look great. Oh, thank you. Yeah, it's like, wow. Oh, there we go. Okay. We're getting the full experience.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
You're amazing, I love this. Question number three is, what's different and similar about the way you parent your kids and the way your dad parented you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Wow. Do you think having the daughter has changed you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I love that. Question number four. You're such an open book. What's something people don't know about you that they'd be surprised to hear?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Oh, interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Yeah, definitely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I think we all do it. I do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Oh man, I think there's so many, I think your spot, there's so many, and by the way, it is that. You're somewhat trained to be driven and you know that that level of setting that standard high is what lets you rise and keep going. Otherwise we would have sat here for 10 minutes and walked off, right? Like there's no need. So there's that. And then there's the compassion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
And that's why I've seen the best performers in the world. They have high standards, but then they have high grace. And it's like, if you have one or the other, it doesn't work. Like, if you have high standards and you have low grace, you can't actually keep to those high standards. And if you have low standards and high grace, well, then you'll never get anywhere.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
But you have to. You have to. There was this great, Federer gave this, Roger Federer, the tennis player, gave this amazing commencement speech last year. And he was saying that he's only won something like 60% of his points in his lifetime. And he was saying, the best thing I have to do is lose a point and then forget about that point.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Like, I've got to move on because otherwise I'm going to lose the next point. Lose the next point. If I keep thinking about that last loss. But he goes, I've lost a ton of points in my life. He goes, my skill is not to not lose points. My skill is to be able to leave that point that I lost in the background and go win the next point. And I feel like that's that compassion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
That's that grace of like, just move on. Next one. Like you did with your next special. The first one didn't work out. Next one. Like, let's see what can go. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Wow. I love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Oh God. Last two questions. All right. Um, where am I? Let's do, okay. Yeah. So has there ever been a joke or something you said in a roast or something like that on stage where you're like, yeah, I went too far, but yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Wow, that's beautiful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I regret a lot. What about when you said your daughter, especially when they're like, dad, stop being a misogynist.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
But maybe that's coming. Maybe you're moving in that direction.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Final question. We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
There we go. First time ever we've had that on the show. So it's a good answer. I love it. Boat Crash, you're lucky. Special's out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Dude, this is so much fun.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
In the best way possible. I was like, I was like, he is, I already know he's funny. Cause I was like, no, normally if someone said that you just, it wouldn't land, but you said it in the most sweet endearing way. I was like, I wish I had recorded that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
overwhelmed you were amazing you're so nice and then you mentioned tom segura and i was like oh yeah i know tom because yeah my videographer works with tom and so i was aware and then yeah it was and i knew what two bears was but it was it was one of those weird situations where like we just but we hit it off man dude you're here what's crazy is i had you i had videos of you saved in my youtube you sent them to me i was like i was like i i am watch i watch you i relax i sit back and listen to your interviews
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
You're too kind, man.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I want to come to your next special, next live. I'm there in the audience.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I'd love that. That first. That first. Okay. I love it. I'm in. Jay, thank you. I love it. Thank you, man. If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Will Smith on owning your truth and unlocking the power of manifestation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
What made you learn how to tell a story in high school?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I went to an all boy school too. But what I realized was that a lot of the guys had imaginary girlfriends. So a lot of the stories were just made up. And when you'd figure out that Felicity wasn't real because that was an American girl's name off a TV show and not a girl's name in England. Like you'd never, there's no one I've ever met in England called Felicity.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
And then one of our guys was dating a girl called Felicity. We're like, he's been watching too much American Pie. Like that's like the feeling we'd get.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
And you've never reconnected back with this person?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
Wow. That's epic. That's epic. I remember breaking up with a girl and I was just upset that her father used to have Manchester United season tickets and he used to always take me along. And I remember when I broke up with her, it was like harder breaking up with her dad than it was with her because we were like having this bromance moment of like supporting the same team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
And it's just, when I think back to times like that, think about how like those moments felt so big.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)
I read that your dad was an interesting figure for you growing up. And he had like a certain take on life of like, men don't cry, boys don't cry, they don't show emotions. Is that true? What was that? What's that like? Because I think we hear about it now and it sounds like almost like a character because of where society's kind of moved into now. It's like, but that was very real.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Wow. And how did you, how has it changed you? Because like you said, you're already confident. You already liked yourself. You knew who you were. What's changed?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I love that attitude. But how did you build that energy before? I don't want to take away from the fact that even though you say you were faking it, obviously it was working in that you were still doing well. It seems like you were comfortable in your own skin. What would you say to someone who maybe doesn't have Doesn't want to go on a Zen pit because they're scared or whatever it may be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
But like, what would you say with that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What's interesting to me is just so much of How, whether it's body shaming we do to ourselves or that society does to us, how so much of it is built up around aesthetics and visuals and how health and vitality are actually not based on simply visuals.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
The one, the only Claudia Autry. What do you feel is the biggest misconception about you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And now what's the new schedule?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And then, I mean, as I'm hearing you speak, I'm just like, is there a... A lot of people talk about this right now. Like this idea of when you become pregnant, is there like a loss of the life you had? Oh my God, 100%. Like, is there a feeling of like, wait a minute, just a few moments ago, a few months ago, I was...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. What was the reason for putting kids off in the beginning? What was the-
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, I think the first thing you mentioned, I relate to that, is obviously me and my wife don't have kids yet. And we'd love to one day. But I think a big thing for me also was I was very clear on who I was when we met. And things were kind of going in the right direction for me. And then my wife, I was, like, really...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
patient and I really wanted her to find her purpose before we had kids because I wanted her to know who she was and know her identity and have clarity on her worth and her value and everything before we have a child because I just felt I was like I want her to also live a life and what that looks like and you know in the past couple of years she's just like blossom and grown.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
It's been so fun to watch. And it's like, now I'm like, yeah, now, now, you know, from when we're lucky to have children.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Totally. Yeah. And, and that you're coming at it from a point of like, I know who I am without anything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you choose to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Today I'm excited because I'm actually speaking to someone who is my team's number one pick. My team will only want to show up for Michael B. Jordan, Lewis Hamilton, and Claudia Arshry. I'm not kidding.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And I think that was so important to me for her. I already had it myself. Yeah. And also the career thing, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Walk me through that internal dialogue of like, how do you get to that place of feeling ready? I think so many of us are waiting to feel ready in life, whether it's waiting to feel ready to start a podcast, whether it's waiting to write your book, whether it's waiting to have a kid, whether it's waiting to get married and you're, we're just waiting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I'm not kidding. My team are the biggest fans of today's guest. I was lucky enough and grateful enough to go on her show, The Toast, the hit show, award-winning, incredibly huge, huge, huge podcast called The Toast last year. It is genuinely the thing. Whenever I get stopped, people are like, I heard you on The Toast. I loved it. I loved it. I loved it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
But we never feel ready for most of us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Walk me through what you feel being ready means.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
It feels like you're someone that always knows you're ready, though, because you got, what, married at 23?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
How did you know Ben was the one and you were ready to get married then?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I'm you and my wife's Ben.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
So I am so excited I get to return the favor today with Claudia Oshry. Claudia, thanks for being here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
No, I think that's a really fair point. And I think even... Radhi was 25 when we got married. I was 28. And even that is somewhat... It's still, you know, it's still younger. And it's like... It's the same for us. Like, we were sure, you know, it worked out for us. But... I would say I knew myself very well. Radhi knew herself enough at the time. She's definitely grown.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I'd be happy to. It was genuine. It was honest.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I've kind of stayed the same. And so there is a sense of like, sometimes you get lucky and you're fortunate and you're blessed and it's beautiful. And sometimes it can be really hard and crazy. And I think what I'm hearing from you is just like, it's not an issue if, whether you're the rule or the exception or whichever one you think you are, the point is just be thoughtful about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Because you don't want to rush into something too young.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I love how much you love Ben.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, it's amazing. I can't wait to meet him. Oh my God, you've never met him.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
No, it's lovely to see how much you love him. It's really beautiful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I can so relate to that. I'm at that stage where I've got a lot of friends who are older than me and they all are renewing their vows right now. And they literally were like, Jay, you weren't at my wedding, but I love that you're here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Because friends change so much from when you get married.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, because you haven't worked enough. No.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
How does that work?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Well, you can renew your vows.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Really? Just a fun fact. That's a fact?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Wow. I don't know if it's a fact, but it's a fun fact. You don't plan on?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Oh, interesting. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Interesting. Got it. Okay. Understood. Understood. Yeah. I guess, yeah, I'm always trying to convince Radhi that I want to do it. And she's like, yeah, of course you want another wedding because you didn't plan the last one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I think Radhi would do it for new pictures because she wants, even though she looked absolutely gorgeous, she's still.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. How do you decide what parts of your life to share publicly and what parts to keep private?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
So it's easy for you. But you were saying earlier that there's times when you're like, Oh, this could be judged, this could be misconstrued. And so, and I think that's a really valid point. I appreciate you being so honest about it. That's why I'm raising it. Because I think at one point we were in this phase where we're like vulnerability means you share everything with everyone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And I don't subscribe to that definition of vulnerability. I think vulnerability is actually, I know why I'm sharing it with this person and I feel safe to share it there. And so I think that societies had to evolve. And then you also see performative vulnerability where people are like literally telling a vulnerable story only because they know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Totally, exactly. Which then ruins the purpose of vulnerability because then it's not vulnerable. So it's like this messy space where I'm trying to, I'm constantly reflecting on like, what's truly vulnerable? How comfortable do I feel about it? What does that mean?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And why did you not share that? What was that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Got it, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same in our culture. Indian culture has that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I'm not cool. I'm not funny. I was like, how am I going to fit in? Like, how's this going to work? And they were like, no, no, no, she's going to be wonderful. And you were, and you are, and I'm so grateful that I now get to do this back. So let's dive straight in because you just said something to me. I wasn't going to start here, but you just said something to me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. I think Indian culture and Jewish culture are very similar. Has a lot in common. And yeah, there's definitely, there are definitely certain things that you don't share and you don't open up too much about. You wait till they're real and taken care of. Exactly. Yeah, no, no. I respect that and I get that. I think it's, I think it's healthy for people to,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
you know fine I just I just want to encourage people to think about you know whether they're a public figure or not who you share what with is so important and just don't don't fall into the trap of oh everyone's being vulnerable that's what it means to you know yeah well I think that's like a byproduct of the internet is like nobody really keeps anything to themselves anymore and I think what started out as like a genuinely like good initiative to like open up about things is now like we're all sharing we all know a little too much about each other you know and that's how I feel let's pull back
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, sometimes I watch something and I'm like, we shouldn't tell us that. Like, I don't think there was a need for us to say that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also one thing's really interesting to me. I had a friend, I was at a friend's birthday last month. And he said to me, he was like, Jay, like, I know it's like you never post what we're doing personally and privately. And I said to him, I said, it's because I'm really lucky. I think my... My public life's amazing, but my private life's better than my public life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And I imagine a world in which I'm sitting in an old rocking chair, talking to my grandkids and talking to family and sharing these stories that no one knows anything about. And there's something about that feels really sacred and special to me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And I really want that because I remember years ago sitting with someone and I'm not even family or close with him, but I remember sitting on a beach with him and he was an older man. I was in my...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
late 20s he was probably in his late 60s and he just had so many life stories to share he wasn't famous he wasn't well known and he just had all these cool stories that I was like no one's gonna know these yeah but he gets to live them every day and there was something about that I was like I want to have memories that are only mine yeah like that was important to me
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What was the craziest?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And I wanted to ask you, like, what do you feel is the biggest misconception about you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
One thing I want to dive into with you, we've talked about ozempic, we've talked about pregnancy, we've talked about marriage, and of course, we can keep talking about those, but I think what often happens with someone like yourself, and I'm projecting because I feel this happens to me sometimes, but I'm projecting this idea that people don't see
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
the hard work from a business perspective, the strategy perspective, the sleepless nights, the growth, like you've built something incredible.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And it's shadowed, not in a bad way, but it's overshadowed by this amazing persona that you have.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
and your charisma and your aura and everything else right it's like it's that's what we're watching and that's what we're captivated by but there's a really thoughtful business person behind it who's and I don't mean that from a oh you're just figuring out how to build a business no I know what you mean yeah I mean it from like a you've you've figured out how to turn a tumblr page into, you know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
A business. Yeah, exactly. Which is really amazing. And I think so many people today want to do that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
So I wanted to kind of go back to the start and ask you like, what did you want to be before Girl With No Job?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Have you ever had a real job?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. What did you learn from the toy store, the internship that you applied?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Here I am trying to make this amazing point that you had all these amazing... Yeah, sorry, continue your point. Just know, like, it was not for me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, there's pros and cons either way. There is, 100%.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And I think that... stigma needs to go as well. Totally. I think that there was this whole cultural shift towards entrepreneurship, quit your job, build your passion, da, da, da, da. And it's like, I don't think either is for everyone. And I think we've kind of made, like, I think about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Correct.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
That's so interesting. I mean, I can relate in so many ways. I feel so misunderstood so often. And it's because we have a view of what a spiritual person or a teacher or a guide looks like. And I think I'm just trying to be people's friend. I'm trying to be the person who's just reminding you something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And also just like, I think about this very often. I couldn't do anything without my team. My team are all employed. Right. And it's like, I couldn't last without them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
It's amazing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I love it. It's the best feeling in the world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. It's the most fulfilling feeling. I, and I know I couldn't do anything without them, which is why I value them. Like, oh, we can all push entrepreneurship to the hill. But it's like, what would we do without our amazing team members? Like, I know I wouldn't survive. My chief of staff was like unwell for like a week. And I was just like, I was like, I don't know what to do. Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And, but was there ever a time you had to do it? Was there ever a time you did have to work 24 sevens?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Have you ever been close to going to jail?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Wait, how do you test positive for explosives?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Still, it was scary. It was scary.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Got it. Put your fake ID in your checked bag.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What advice would you have? You were saying it seems like, and I agree with you, there is more set up. I think our careers actually, we didn't know each other then, but they took off around the same time. Mine was 2016 as well. I was a lot older. I was 28. So 27, 28. So you had a pretty good idea of... To some degree, for sure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I mean, I never knew a person, I'd never known anyone who'd worked in entertainment, anyone who'd worked in media, anyone who'd done anything outside of London. So it was a whole new world for me completely. But you're right, there are more systems today than there were then. Yes. What advice would you have for people who are at the age you were when you first blew up, like 17, 18 years old?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Because that's happening more and more now. Like you were more of an anomaly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, I'm ancient.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And that's why for me as well, it's like, I want to help people. I want to make people feel better. I want to introduce people to great ideas and insights. It's not, it doesn't have to be heavy. It doesn't have to be like everything. I also love soccer and love fashion and love, you know, just, I'm a normal human being. And it's like, I love that balance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, very pragmatic advice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. Don't you think it's incredible how much you've learned in the last eight years?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Isn't it unbelievable?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. That's me. Did you ever pretend to be your own manager?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What was the name?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
100%.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
It worked? Yeah. Did they negotiate on your behalf sometimes?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
If someone wants to be the next you and start the toast and, you know, start their version.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What advice would you have for someone who's listening to you, watching you going, I want to build that. I want to create that. Where should they start? What should they think about?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, don't overthink it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What's the nuclear program?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
No, I love it. I couldn't agree with you more as well. I think there's just such a... I feel like we're all stifling ourselves by procrastinating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And I think that's how I see myself as someone who has these very nuanced interests and hobbies and everything else. But I think naturally we're kind of forced to be in a box. Yeah, you can be both.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. Did you lose any friends along the way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
yeah yeah yeah you have yeah there is definitely that switch and and yeah I'm the same as you have all my same friends from back in the day I can't wait I literally fly to London tonight to see everyone it's the best looking forward to just yeah just catching up kicking it and it's it's one of those things that I feel so fortunate that I had such a good group of friends right before everything took off you must feel that with Ben too because it was around the same time so I was like
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. How much do you think that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, I think that's what it is. You just hit the nail on the head. I think there's certain stages in life where you go, if I decide this, it now no longer takes up any space. I felt that way about getting married. I felt that way about deciding which city we were going to live in. Because when we first moved to the States, we lived in New York for two years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Then we moved to L.A., we've been there for six years. When we decided we were living in L.A., And we got our place. It was like another thing. There was a settled that freed up space. And I think we're currently living at a time where we struggle to make decisions. Yes. Because we don't want to kind of, you know, put our roots down. But actually that creates more chaos in our lives.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. I love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
At the same time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What's the hardest part about working with family? And what's the best part? There isn't one. Really?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
That's amazing. Yeah, I know. That's impressive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. No, I love that for you. I'm glad. I mean, it's the best thing when it works.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
How has your relationship had to change? Like, what's it meant to keep that up? Like, what have you had to do in order to have a sister relationship and a business partner relationship? Because all your conversations are always about the podcast, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
So wait, when you're putting out an episode, how much of it have you talked about before? Zero. Literally zero.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Everything about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
That's amazing. So that way you're really catching up in that time too. Exactly. Because you're avoiding talking the night before. Exactly. You saying what you did.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
When did she move and when did you guys?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Wow. When did you learn that you had to do that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What makes you feel like when you've recorded a great episode? How do you know?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And that is something you can only do with someone you know very, very well. And you guys call each other afterwards and like, oh my God, you are so funny.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, it's become, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
But it kind of protects why that hour is so good. Yes. Right? Like, that's the point.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, yeah. That's, it's such a special skill. It's actually such a special talent.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, no, I just like to point it out because I think we just, it is that I have so many friends who are just like, I remember when I first started creating content and all my friends are like, oh, we can do that. And then it was like this whole journey where everyone realizes that it's different.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And I think with you, because it's so natural and because it's so off the cuff, it can often be, you can kind of be like, oh yeah, well that's, whatever, but it's like, no, no, no. There's, there's a real talent. There's a skill there. How much have you practiced over the years? Or was this who you were at school with your friends? Like, is this just who you've been? Where was the training?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Where were the reps?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Have you ever measured how fast you talk?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And it's funny because me and you, I'm at the opposite end. Like I usually talk so slowly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, no, no. So it's so funny because when we're together, I'm just like, I'm speeding up slightly just to, you know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
It's amazing. Have you... You talked about wanting attention. And I think anyone who's doing something publicly, naturally, there is a part of them that enjoys the attention. I always say I love when people come up to me on the street and say hello. I tell people in the podcast to say, hey, if you see me, come and say hello. I want to say hello to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I really appreciate the feedback and the energy I get. I had a... I was walking a few years ago now, quite a while ago, with one of my clients who's a well-known actor. He gets recognized a hundred times for every one time I get recognized. So super well-known and successful. And like, he'd get stopped. I'd get stopped once. He'd get stopped multiple times. I'd get stopped once. And...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I asked him like, how does that feel? And he said, you know what? He goes, Jay, you're really lucky. And I was like, why? And he said, you're lucky because people stop me for who I pretend to be and people stop you for who you are. And I was like, wow, like that really stayed with me. Yeah, it really stayed with me. It was one of those moments. And you're not going to tell us who it was?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
No, I can't. You are no fun. But that's my private part. Of course, of course.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, but that was one of my favorite moments. It stayed with me ever since that. And I'm like, wait a minute. And same with you. People, when they're coming up to you and saying the toast is amazing, or when I keep hearing, Jay, we heard you on the toast. It was so fun. You know, when I get that feedback from people, I'm thinking, oh, wow, like you're doing that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
How have you been careful about your relationship with attention so that it doesn't get unhealthy? How have you thought about that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And that's something you're working on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
You love the 1% evil. It's fun. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's so beautiful to hear. I mean, to hear you say, hey, you know what? I'm actually really confident. I love hearing that. I love it when someone says that because- It's a journey. Yeah. No, but I mean, not that you've arrived because there is no arrival, but the idea that you feel that way-
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. Is that something you've ever tried to change or shift or you've just accepted it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, of course.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
No, no, no. Trust me. I can't either. But no, but it's interesting how sometimes the things we work on more become our greatest stresses.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And it's one of those things that it's, but the great thing is you're aware. And I think that's what I always think about.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I remember when Kevin Hart came on the podcast, he was talking about how in a very different context, but he was talking about how like some of the mistakes he made and not comparing at all, but he was talking about some of the mistakes he made and they came from a place of him feeling like this was never going to go away. And then he was like, now I need to deal with the fact that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
one day I may not be as famous or successful as whatever and it was just really interesting him saying that when I still think he's crushing it and killing it and he's like you know but how we perceive people versus how they perceive themselves is so interesting correct yeah and that's what I find is always fascinating because you think someone's peaking living the best life yeah and in their head they're like oh I'm insignificant right now yeah
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I wanted to end with talking about, you know, you talked a lot about last year losing your dog, which I think... No one prepares you for it. Yeah, I had so many friends who sadly went through the same thing in the last 12 months. I don't know what it was about the last 12 months and maybe it's sadly always the case, but at least in my life, I had so many people telling me that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
That always feels harder. Yeah. Yeah, when you feel like you had to share something because there was already so much talk about it. Speculation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I had my business manager, a really close friend, like just so many people in life. We had Taylor Hill who came on the podcast and talked about the loss of her dog, Tate, and just how hard that was for her What has been your greatest lesson for grief in that journey?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
That's so profound, though, the connection between the two.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
What did girl with a dead dad like mean to you? Like, what did that kind of like, what did that symbolize for you that you didn't want to be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, for sure. Thank you for sharing. Thank you. Thank you for being open. I'm hoping that Yeah, I'm hoping that people who've been through similar things or, you know, I know plenty of people in my life who lost a parent early. And it's something that's not talked about enough online. Like you don't really hear about it. It's kind of like something you talk about in therapy and nowhere else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
That's, I mean, and that sounds like such a hard place to be. We actually interviewed, I interviewed Johan Hari, a good friend of mine who wrote the book, The Magic Pill. He's on Ozempic and he's gone and done all the research from the biggest experts in the space and the naysayers in the space.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, no, and I think that everyone has their different coping mechanisms, like you said. And for some people, that is the only place they have a safe space and a space where they don't feel judged and a space where they don't feel, you know, looked at in a certain way because their family, friends may be that way. And it's beautiful that you don't have that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I was going to ask you, what's been your, have you thought a lot about like, Your energy, baby's energy, like walk me through that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, of course. I know Jessie, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
It's going to be so funny if they don't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And so for anyone who's looking for a very researched guide to Ozempic, he was brilliant and he talked about it from so many different perspectives. But going back to what you said, one of the first things that, I think so hard for people is how society has made people feel shameful about their body in general.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, well, they'll love it until they're like four.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, year one. One fan for one year is good enough. I love that. I love that. And have you thought about whether you're going to be sharing baby journey online?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, I know. That's something me and Riley talk about a lot. I would love to. It's one of our discussion points.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, it's challenging. It's such a, yeah, that's the hard part, right? That's the hard part that it's like in the same way as you wouldn't just put your kid up somewhere physically in that way that they're exposed to anyone and everyone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. Yeah. It's great that you guys have said, because it's hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Okay. Good to know. Good to know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Is this usually how it goes?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, I think that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, that's fair. If you feel strongly enough, it's a rule.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I mean, you've talked before about, I saw that, I actually couldn't believe this existed, but you've talked about going to fat camp.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Claudia you are you're one of the most fascinating people oh my god I've ever met you are hilarious you're smart profound today at times I really didn't want to cry but it is what it is no I appreciate you being so honest and vulnerable with us and showing that soft side yeah you know like for people to be able to see you can't be turning a box like she is going to surprise you I love it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Well, Claudia, it's been such a joy talking to you. Thank you for having me. We end every episode with a final five.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
These have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Oh, I love a game. Not a Claudia sentence. Okay. Oh, I promise I will do one word. Yes, yeah. One word to one sentence.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
But not a sentence at 100 miles per hour where you squeezed in 79 words.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Okay. Yeah, I'm not judging you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Okay. So question number one, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Like I'd never heard of that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
We never, I've never heard of that living in. It's so American. Growing up in London.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Great sentence.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
No, no, no. It's well explained. I would have asked you to expand. Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. Good answer. Question number three, what excites you most about motherhood?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Like, first of all, explain to me how you can get away with calling something fat camp and what is fat camp?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I love it. Question number four. What are you most excited to see about Ben becoming a dad?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Fifth and final question. We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And then on purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Of course, of course.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Oh, thanks. All right, Claudia.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I love it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
That's a great law.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
I love it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Claudia, thank you so much. Thank you. I loved every moment of this. Me too. Thank you. If you love this episode, you will also love my interview with Kendall Jenner on setting boundaries to increase happiness and healing your inner child.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Wow. I mean, so what was that like then in the beginning years? Because I think what's interesting as we talk about Ozempic, to me, so much of it is about how we're conditioned since we're young. So I grew up overweight.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. I was overweight until I was about like 15, 16 years old, maybe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
And yeah, I'll show you pictures. I would love to see. I will, I will. My wife has plenty of embarrassing pictures of me. And she was as well. Oh, really? Yeah, she was as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Do you know what I mean? That's what I'm sharing. It creates such a resilience.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah, it's huge. I mean, like I remember the bullying, the name calling, the awkward thing of trying to pull myself out of a swimming pool and not being able to. So real. You know, moments like that where you're just like, oh gosh, this is the worst thing that could have ever happened. And then being forced to wear Speedos at school. So British. Yeah, not in America, right? No, never.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
That's our version of fat camp. You have to wear Speedos.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And so when I look back at all of that, I think about how much shame, guilt is already set up just in our perception of what it means to be overweight. And now you're talking about feeling shame of going on a Zen pic, which you're taking to do the opposite.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my on-purpose podcast live and in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Did you ever worry about the side effects and what you... Because I'm guessing you're thinking about those things as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
We'll dive into experiences designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Claudia Oshry: How to Stop Letting Your Body Image Hold You Back & Build Lasting Confidence
Yeah. And then what was it that decided to get you off it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Welcome back to On Purpose. Today we're talking about something that impacts every decision we make, our confidence and self-worth. We all struggle with it at some point, questioning if we're good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. Maybe it started in childhood, or maybe over time, life's challenges have made us second guess ourselves. But here's the truth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Confidence is something we all struggle with at some point. But where does confidence come from? How do we build it in a way that feels genuine and lasting? Claudia Oshry, comedian, podcast host, and social media personality, gets candid about her journey with self-image and how love played a role in shaping her confidence. I really want you to hear her story.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Like, what would you say to someone who maybe doesn't have doesn't want to go on a Zen pit because they're scared or whatever it may be. But like, what would you say with them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
What's interesting to me is just so much of... how whether it's body shaming we do to ourselves or that society does to us, how so much of it is built up around aesthetics and visuals and how health and vitality are actually not based on simply visuals.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Yeah. And now what's the new schedule?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Confidence isn't something you're just born with. It's something you build. And self-worth isn't just about your accomplishments or success. It's about how you see yourself at your core. In this episode, I've gathered insights from some of the best minds to help you quiet self-doubt, recognize your true value and step into the confidence that's already in you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
And then, I mean, as I'm hearing you speak, I'm just like, is there a... A lot of people talk about this right now. Like, this idea of when you become pregnant, is there, like, a loss of the life you had? Oh, my God, 100%. Like, is there a feeling of, like, wait a minute, just a few moments ago, a few months ago, I was...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
We often think about self-care as something external, our skincare routine, our diet or exercise, but what about caring for our soul? How do we create rituals that nurture not just our body, but our peace of mind and self-worth?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
To share her journey, Alicia Keys, Grammy-winning artist, entrepreneur, and advocate for soul care, Alicia opens up about her struggles with anxiety, how stress affected her skin, and how she turned her personal healing process into a philosophy that helps others. Listen to this. I think often those of us who live spiritual lives, we can be quite negligent of our casing and of this body.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
And you can kind of disconnect from it. Yeah, disconnect from it. And so I wanted to ask you, how has your relationship changed with your skin that was something that brought you anxiety?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
To feeling more confident in your skin.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Because when you truly believe in yourself, everything changes. So often when we're searching for confidence and self-worth, it's easy to feel pressured, to try every new trend or practice, as if there's a perfect formula for feeling secure in ourselves. But real confidence isn't about following the crowd. It's about tuning out the noise and figuring out what truly works for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Kendall Jenner knows that pressure all too well. Having spent most of her life in the public eye, she's had to learn how to protect her peace, set boundaries and find joy in the simple things. In this conversation, she opens up about her journey to staying grounded and true to herself. Let's get into it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Yeah, that's so beautiful. I mean, I couldn't agree more as someone who was very negligent of a lot of this stuff, like growing up and not really thinking about it. I've seen the value of, I'm a big fan of affirmations.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
I think even when it comes to cleansing my face, what that means, what that feels like, how different I feel internally because of it, how it can be a reminder to continue to cleanse and detox the soul, as well as that which is around me. There's There's so much of that connection from body, mind, spirit, and soul that I think we lose and we don't realize how interconnected they all are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Confidence is something we all strive for, but often misunderstand. We think we need it before taking action. But what if the key is to act first, even when we don't feel ready? What if confidence is something we build as we go not something we wait for. To help us break through the myths of confidence, we have Lisa Bilyeu, entrepreneur, best-selling author, and co-founder of Impact Theory.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Lisa's journey from stay-at-home wife to powerhouse businesswoman has given her a unique perspective on what it really takes to build confidence from within. Let's hear what she has to say. So I think confidence is such a important and powerful topic.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
I wanted to ask you, because I think there's so much material and you do so many interviews around confidence and what it means and what it feels like. How do you define confidence for you, and what does it mean to you, and what is something that people can think of? Because I think everyone has a different view of the word confidence.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
I love hearing that because I think it is those simple things like, you know, giving yourself that space, whatever it is that you needed to do when you needed it. And like you said, sometimes it's like, that's when all the subscribe buttons come up in front of you and it's like, try this and try this. And it's like, well, no, no, no. Let me just take my time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Yeah, what I'm noticing in you and observing, or at least from just these- Oh God. No, in a good way, in a good way. I was just saying, it's like, it feels like no matter what's happening in your orbit, there's this pillar of belief that it's important to be happy. Yeah. Like, you know, that's like this core center belief in your life where it's like, it's important to be happy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Confidence isn't about walking into a room and thinking you're the best. It's about not feeling the need to compare yourself to anyone. True self-worth comes from knowing who you are, not just what you accomplish. It's built in the quiet moments, how you show up for yourself and the way you speak to yourself when no one's around.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
I hope this episode helped you realize that confidence isn't about having all the answers. It's about trusting yourself to figure it out. If something resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And I'll see you next time on On Purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
It's important to be happy. It's, that has to be the goal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
What are some of the qualities of your higher goddess or that kind of avatar?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
I do this exercise. I don't think I've shared this before, but I do this exercise with some of my clients where we'll go on a walk and we'll be on a hike wherever we are. And I'll ask them what they think a piece of, you know, maybe there's a little leaf or maybe there's some
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
a flower or something that looks a little unique on the path and I'll say what do you think that feels like and what do you think it would feel like if you picked it up in your hand and they'll be like oh it looks really rough and like it might scratch me and like it looks like a bit you know like uneven or whatever and it looks kind of hard and strong and then I'll ask them to pick it up
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
And nine times out of 10, it's completely different.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Or they'll turn it over and the color's really soft. Sorry, the shape's really soft and the color's totally different on the other side. And I do that exercise to help us realize just how multifaceted humans are. Today I've got to meet you and obviously we're spending a lot of deep, intimate, vulnerable time together so you learn faster about someone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
But if someone only follows someone on social media or only sees someone at an event or only sees one interview, it's so easy to create such a singular view of someone. And I think, and I want to say this because I really think we all feel it, I don't think anyone wants to be seen in a singular way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
If you had to choose one word that had to be you for the rest of your life, I don't think anyone wants that. No, of course not. I think we all know that we're messy and complex and different. Of course. But we like to put someone else in a box, whoever that may be, because it's easier then to live life and say, okay, well, that's person's A, B, C.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
So there's this beautiful piece of wisdom that I always share from Charles Horton Cooley. And he wrote this in 1890, I think it was, which just shows how true this has been for such a long time and obviously long before that as well. And he said, the challenge today is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
And we'll let that blow everyone's mind. It gives me chills every time I say it. Charles Houghton Cooley said, the challenge today is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am. And what he's trying to say is that we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves. So if I think you think I'm smart, then I allow myself to feel smart.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
We need that validation. Or if I think you think I'm not smart, then I feel hurt. And the challenge is, I don't know what you're thinking at all, especially outside in the world. And so I find that what you're saying around like, well, what do I think about myself? Like, how do I feel about myself? How do the people that actually know me feel about me? I think that's really empowering.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
There are times in life when we feel disconnected from ourselves, as if we've lost our sense of who we are. It can happen after a big life change, the grind of a demanding job, or even just getting stuck in the routine of everyday life. For Vanessa Hudgens, that moment came after filming a series of emotionally intense movies.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
She found herself questioning her identity and searching for a way to reconnect. Instead of staying in that uncertainty, she took a leap, one that felt scary, but ultimately led her back to herself. Let's dive into how stepping outside her comfort zone helped her rediscover her confidence and self-worth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)
Yeah, exactly. That's a mindset that you lose as we get older. That's very true. Because most of your life is surrounded by the same people, same work people, same life people. And so like when you're like, oh, I'm trying to talk to the bartender or I'm trying to lock, even the idea of locking eyes with someone random. Oh my gosh, it's my favorite thing. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Oh, wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. A breakup can literally wreck your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. I'm sure you've thought about this before. We all have this feeling.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Did I meet the right person at the wrong time? Or did I meet the wrong person at the right time? And we can kind of get lost in that phase. This next clip from Stefan Speaks is for you. If you're one of those people who's wondering, oh, did I just lose the right person for me? Did I just let go of the person who I was meant to spend my life with? Did I just make a mistake? And
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
You could be doing so well in your career, and now you show up to work in the worst mood. You could have a great relationship with your family, but now every holiday season, all you can do is think about that person. You've got a great group of friends around you, they love you, but they're all in relationships, and you feel like you're behind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
lose the right person and meet them at the wrong time, this clip is going to help you make sense of that. What he's also going to talk about is the impact it has on us when our partner no longer wants to communicate with us. Maybe you're in a relationship where your partner doesn't like to have difficult conversations. Maybe they don't like to talk about emotions.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Maybe they don't have the capacity to go to that depth with you. And if they're getting everything else right, maybe it's possible. But if you're starting to feel this weakening the relationship, Stefan speaks really clearly on how to make a decision. So if you're stuck in that point, this clip's really going to help you as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And if you're someone who feels like you keep making the same mistakes, maybe you keep picking the same person, just someone that looks different. Maybe you keep being too needy or too wanting or too demanding, or maybe you always end up trying to fix their problems and solve their life. If you found a recurring pattern in your relationship and you want to know how to interrupt it and break it,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
This clip is for you, take a listen.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
You feel like you're not the one who's getting proposed to, you're not the one who's moving in, you're the one who's starting all over again. If you felt any of that, this episode is dedicated to you because I want your breakup to become a moment you look back on as the greatest pivot that ever happened in your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Yeah, that's great. That's great advice. And I, for me, that's the biggest one. It's like, you can't make something last if only one person's working on it. You can't keep hoping and waiting and wishing and And like you said, that ending doesn't mean forever. And often I found that two people need to grow individually to be able to grow collectively.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And we're forcing growing together so hard, but we need space to grow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And if you can't grow together, chances are you need to grow apart in order to see whether you grow together again or grow for someone else. And all of those options are okay, but we put so much pressure on people to grow together that they grow apart.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And actually, if they chose to grow apart and grow separately, they could come back together if they learn the lessons. And I think that's a mistake too, that sometimes people think, I'm going to go learn this lesson for this person. I meet a lot of people that are like, okay, they broke up with me because I wasn't XYZ. Now I'm going to go become XYZ to win them back. And
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
I always find I'm just like, well, no, you should go become XYZ if you think you are missing XYZ, but not to win them back because you don't know what they're going to do. What's your take on people trying to win people back?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
At one point in life, each of us gets our heart broken. Maybe it was two years ago. Maybe it was two months ago or maybe it was two days ago. But each and every one of us knows how painful a heartbreak can be because you're not only losing that person, you're losing the perception of the life you believed you were going to have. You're losing the version of you you were with that person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And the struggle is that when people finally make that decision to break up or let go, the studies show that the parts of your brain that are activated in a breakup are the same as detoxing from cocaine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
right like you're literally trying to detox so you can have a craving yeah for someone that's bad for you yeah or also it says that the areas of the brain that are activated in a breakup are the areas that are the same with physical pain so if someone like punching the stomach the reason why we say like my heart feels broken is because it literally feels like something's broken yeah
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
So when you're going through a breakup, when you're feeling the craving to be with that person again, studies show that over 80% of people are looking at what their exes are doing on social media, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Probably through a Finster account or whatever, but you have to know what are some of the healthiest tips that you've given to people and the people that you've worked with that have genuinely helped people move through a breakup?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And you're losing the projection of this future that you were building together. What we don't realize about breakups is that we're actually living through grief. It's this slow, aching loss that doesn't have a funeral. You're mourning a future that won't happen, trying to figure it out, all the sadness, the confusion, the anger. And often in the beginning, you think, I wish they would stay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
That one mindset you spoke about that changes everything and it hit me today. I was just thinking, if we were just able in a moment to recognize that that something painful now was going to be good for us in five years' time. That would change so many things in our life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
But we're so poor at dealing with current pain, even if it means future joy, that we just can't accept that I have to go through this. In everything, right? Knowing that someone breaking up with you just saved you 10 years of a wasted life is so much more than knowing you're going to have to go through a few months of pain and 10 months of pain.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Maybe it's a bit longer, maybe it's two, three years, but We just have to get our head around that, that sometimes the best things that happen to you are protecting more of your life than the pain that they're causing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
That's it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
I wish they'd be here forever. And then sometimes you move into this phase of what did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? Could I have held on? Could I have been better? And then at some point, you go between the two at the same time. Healing isn't linear. It's messy. It's raw. It's deeply personal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Now, be honest with me, how many of you have gone through a breakup and then just started craving your ex? Where you're now looking at their social media profiles, you're looking at old text messages, you're talking to your friends who know that person and trying to find out what they're up to. It can drive us crazy. Because breakups can actually make you crave your ex like an addiction.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
That's what our next guest, New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel and relationship therapist for decades talks about in this clip. We also learn about how a lot of the challenges that we face in our relationship, a lot of the conflicts, actually come from our own fears.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
If you find yourself always being insecure in a relationship, if you're always second guessing that person's intentions, if you're always questioning whether they're truly emotionally available or really care for you or really there for you, this clip is for you. I've seen research that shows how when someone breaks up with you or when you break up with someone,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
you almost crave them like we crave an addiction that may even be unhealthy for us at times. Why do you use the word grief? And can you walk us through both of those losses of identity that you spoke about on either end?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And you talked about there how, you know, trying to change the other person isn't necessarily the focus, but for so many of us, that seems to be the problem. The problem seems to be the other person's behaviors, their attitude, their approach to life, maybe their aspirations. I hear a lot of people say things like they don't dream enough. They don't dream enough. They dream too little, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And so as you listen to this today, whichever stage you're at in your breakup journey, I hope it helps you. In this clip, relationship expert, therapist, and best-selling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, and one of my favorite guests on the podcast, talks about how we expect a sense of closure. We want someone to give us this feeling, an understanding of why they left us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Too much, right, that's it, yeah. I hear some people say they don't dream enough, they dream too much. Yes. I hear people say, oh, they have too many friends, they have no friends, right? I see people at both ends of the spectrum. We always seem to have issues with how our partners live. And what I've learned, at least in my own personal reflection, and I've found is that for a long time,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
In my relationships, I often projected the way I lived onto my partner. And we so strongly believe that the way we live is right, the way we were brought up is right, that we want our partner to kind of follow suit. And I always give this very small example from my own home, but In my house, we used to eat, hang out, and then at the end of the night, we'd wash the dishes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
In my wife's home, they used to eat, wash the dishes, and then hang out. And so when we got married and we started living together, and when we were having friends over or whatever it may be, in my mind, we're going to eat, we're going to hang out, and then we're going to wash the dishes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And in my wife's mind, she's thinking, we're going to eat, now we have to clean up, make sure everything's clean, and then we can hang out. And something as little as that can cause so much Friction. Friction and bad communication and feelings of, oh, you don't care about me and you don't love me and you don't appreciate me, or you don't value the work.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And there's so much that comes from something. And that's just a very small example. But it's interesting to me that in that scenario, we both had not created a new belief system for our relationship, but we're operating based on two old belief systems that we'd simply adopted. Walk us through whether you agree, whether you disagree, whether you can edit that, reveal more to us about
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
I find so many of our challenges exist because we project our operating system onto someone else rather than creating one with them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
What was their reason? Why did they cheat on us if that was the case? And often we can spiral and go round and round in circles, hoping and expecting this answer. But we all know that answer rarely comes. That person's not around anymore. They don't feel a responsibility to give it to us. And closure is something we continue to chase.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Yeah, I really, really relate to what you're saying. And I love how you've broken it down to what we're fighting for versus what we're fighting about. I think that's brilliant. And that's from your masterclass, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
I think we feel so robbed, or at least when I speak to people about this, they feel so robbed, as you said, of their identity. But also, as you said, people feel robbed of their power, that if I give in to this other person, my partner may be the more powerful one in the relationship. or if I concede, then in the future when we're making decisions, they're going to think I'm going to concede.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And often that is the case that people get into relationships because they think the other person is, submissive or conceding to them or agrees with them on everything they say. And then one day that person goes, wait a minute, I didn't realize I just gave up everything I care about for you. And so how does one learn how to practice that humility and giving up of power?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Or is the solution a unified agreement as you called it just there? What are we trying to unravel? How do we do that? Because I think that... But you just betrayed yourself in the question.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Yeah. Now, the most painful thing that we all feel when we go through a breakup is that we don't even lose faith in that person. We start to lose faith in love. And especially we start to feel not only do they not love us, we start to question whether we're worthy of love. We feel unlovable. We feel like, will I ever meet someone? Maybe you're thinking of this right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
In this segment, she'll talk a bit about how you can find that and where it truly comes from. At the same time, she talks about how we need to acknowledge the value of what's lost. It's so important to really recognize how we've lost things in the past, the present, and the future. And she also tells us how to seek advice from our friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Will I ever meet someone who loved me again? First of all, they didn't even love you, but we think, will someone ever love me again? We ask ourselves the question, maybe you're thinking of this right now, like, will I ever meet someone who will commit to me, who will be loyal to me? who'll actually be with me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
If you're asking some of those questions, this next clip from Mel Robbins is going to really resonate with you because she talks about how to go through a breakup in a really practical way. Should you contact them? Should you try and make them jealous? All those emotions and feelings we go through, if you listen to this next clip, it's going to help you make the right decisions. Take a look.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And neither are you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And we delay it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
We all want love, we all want support, but she gives a really clear insight to know which friends to be around when you're going through a breakup. Take a listen. I still find till this day that breakups seem to be the hardest relationship transition that people tend to go through, maybe apart from grief or maybe even similar. And I'd love your thoughts on that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
I was talking to a friend recently and this, everything you're saying is just so true and it's resonating so strongly to me. I was talking to a friend recently and she was saying to me, I wish my friend would just be honest with me. I wish this person who's just screwed me over, just let me down, would just be honest with me rather than pretending to be my friend.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And I said to them, they are being honest with you. Them lying is showing you their truth. That's how much they value you. Them pretending to be your friend is their truth. You don't want the truth. Actually, you want them to lie to you and you want them to be someone else. You want them to become the honest person. But they're showing you that they're not an honest person. That is the truth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Yeah, absolutely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
You.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
I speak to so many people every week who are going through breakups. And I'm so glad that you found this episode of the podcast because it's one of those things where you take two steps forward and then you're three steps back. And it often feels like this back and forth feeling of, have I healed? Have I recovered? Oh no, I'm right back there now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And I want you to know that at On Purpose, we're dedicated to trying to help you through that healing journey. As long as you're healing, you're moving in the right direction. Sometimes you're going to feel like you're completely missing them again. And sometimes you're going to feel like you're ready to move on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
But because it is a kind of loss, I think that people feel. There was one person from the audience that we were connected with that had a
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And the goal is to surround yourself with the right insights, the right wisdom, to keep focusing on your own growth. Because here's what I've realized. The pain doesn't go away. it just gets easier to carry. It just gets easier to deal with. As you build confidence, as you build strength, you start to realize that what you went through actually helped you find deeper, more meaningful love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And from the people who I've known that have gone through breakups and found long-term relationships that they're happy in, they all look back And now feel grateful for that experience because it helped them quickly decipher who was right for them and who wasn't. Who was around for a season, but not for the rest of their life. Thanks so much for listening.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr. Gabor Mate on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
breakup and they really they were together with this person for two years they really thought this is the person that they were going to spend their life with they really thought this was going in that direction they felt that they actually had good like compatibility they were good at talking about things
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
But then what felt like out of the blue to this person, they just felt that this person was like, I don't think this is going in that direction anymore. And then things withered away quickly. It's hard when you kind of, you know, and this is probably what you get all the time. People don't feel a sense of closure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
They don't really understand the other person's not doing a good job explaining it and doesn't want to or doesn't have the time. What are some of the steps that we need to take when we're kind of lost in that no person's land of... I thought I had something. It doesn't exist anymore.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
Now, this next clip is from relationship expert and my good friend, Matthew Hussey. What I love about this that I think is going to help so many of you is so many of us turn a breakup into self-blame.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
we think about all the things we got wrong, all the things we should have done better, all the things we could have done better, all the things we wish we did, and it becomes this almost self-critical version of a conversation. And because you've not got the other person to talk to anymore, it's something you're going through by yourself. Matthew talks about how you can shift in this situation?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
How do we go from this happened to me to how can I grow from this? Listen to this clip if you're struggling right now with blaming yourself for the breakup you just went through. Let's talk a bit about breakups because
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
I think the challenge is that everyone in their life goes through at least one or two, maybe more, really painful breakups, whether it's infidelity, whether it feels out of the blue, someone just goes, yep, not working out for me anymore, whether it's different goals and different plans and priorities that emerge over time. And I think everyone who goes through a breakup
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
blames it on themself often, thinks that this is the end, there'll never be another person. And it feels like a really dark, dark, dark, empty road and a lonely road. And I think it's really interesting because there's so many, you know, piece of advice and everything about like how to get over a breakup.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
And I've talked about that as well myself, but I just find that it seems to be a path that you have to walk and have to take. And there's no real acceleration or there's not, as you said, there's not like, I'm going to get over this breakup in three months, right? There's no timeline or deadline that you can set on it, but it's just uncomfortable. And it's almost like sitting in discomfort.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay's Must- Listens: Before You Text Your Ex… Listen to This! 5 Love Experts Share the SECRET to Let Go and Move On (Ft. Esther Perel, Mel Robbins, & Matthew Hussey)
What do we do when we're sitting in that discomfort?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Please, I'm all ears. I'm here as a student to just listen because I'm so fascinated.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Yeah. Walk me through some of the science and the research that validates some of these claims, because I think that's your unique perspective and that's been the unique angle that you brought to it. And I feel like it's great to understand that this stuff is actually being researched, tested, discovered. It's not just...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
being said because it not just sounds good, but that maybe there's a couple of case studies, but there's more than that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Say that part again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
What happens when you're manifesting from a place of lack? Roxy shares her personal journey of attracting rejection and loneliness. If you're someone struggling with your self-worth and wondering why you're only attracting negative or toxic situations or people, listen to Roxy's discovery on the connection between self-worth and manifestation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Our next clip is from my good friend, Big Sean, rapper, entrepreneur, and mental health advocate. Now he explains how to shift your mindset. that feeling a sense of acceptance of where you are isn't giving up, it's preparing you for what's next. He breaks down the importance in understanding the difference between chasing and attracting energy to unlock your true power.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
What does it mean to actually move forward even when it feels like you're taking a step back? Now, you may be journaling, you may be vision boarding, you may have everything mapped out. But if you still feel unworthy of your goals and dreams, it's really hard to take a step forward. How did you learn to manifest for yourself from a place of a lack of confidence and a lack of self-worth?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
If you're someone who's struggling to overcome your difficult past and don't know how to move forward, this clip is for you. This idea that your journey only begins when you accept that where you are is your starting point. That your experience have made you exactly who you're meant to be with the skills, the talents, the gifts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
So if someone's sitting and listening and going, Sean, that's so hard for me to accept that I am where I need to be because my life's just been full of you know, the worst, horrible, difficult things, how do I accept and start from there? What would you say to them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Yeah. Yeah. I agree. I feel like it's the resistance to acceptance that blocks us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
We're going in the opposite direction. It's telling you it's going in this direction, and you're trying to force it to go in the other direction, and that's what's causing tension. And accepting it means, like you said, not that you're giving up and you're like, all right, well, I'll just do what you want. It's going, no, this is how it's flowing. Now what am I going to do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Yeah, for sure. What's the... You know, when you're manifesting, as we're talking about this, like finding your path, what's the difference between attracting energy and chasing energy?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
What's been the most difficult thing you've ever had to accept?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Give me an example.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Which is so hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
It's so hard, isn't it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
And I loved what you said, that when you get fixated on what other people think of you, you're just getting distracted from your path. Of course. Because now you're placing energy on, and then you might even shift what you're doing to try and appease them, and then they still won't like it. And that's the craziest part, right? You do what you want, and they don't like it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
And then you do what they want, and they still don't like it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
That's right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
And then you don't know who you are anymore and no one likes it and you don't like it either. And you end up not liking yourself, trying to get everyone else to like you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
And that's where you don't want to be at.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
It's a hard lesson as well for people. Next up is one of my best friends, Will Smith, award-winning actor, producer, rapper, and entrepreneur. And he talks about the double-edged sword of discipline and manifestation. This is for those of you who are starting to see some success. You're starting to make the right moves and you want to stay on track.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Will explores the connection between intense focus and creating your reality. If you're someone who's using discipline to seek validation or prove something, that can be dangerous and ultimately serve no real purpose. Even with fame and success, a lack of inner grounding can leave you unfulfilled.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
If you're really wanting to use your discipline for real manifestation, this next clip explains the importance of building a strong spiritual foundation and why true manifestation comes from trust and faith, not force or pressure. Sometimes we feel momentum, but we're acting out of fear more than love and growth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
There's a brutal reckoning at the end of that. But the amazing thing about you is you've been on that path in that direction. I think people sometimes see these flips where they're like, oh, yeah, now that you are rich and successful and famous, now you're going this way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
But actually, from our conversations and how you've shared with the family or even when we've worked with some of the friends in your life, it's like this has actually been a long process. This isn't just... 10, 12 months, this isn't just a couple of years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
This has planted a seed from your grandmother through your whole life to always be reminded of it, to study spiritual paths, world religions, to study philosophies. Like this is just a long process. Tell me about that belief your grandmother had in you and tell me a bit about how she planted that deep seed. Because I think what you said at the beginning that we need that example
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
I think everyone, if they really reflected, there'd be someone in their life, either indirectly or directly, but sometimes we forget them. But when we've been talking to everything, your grandmother's been such a pivotal figure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
I'd love for you to share what you think she did that was so powerful because maybe there are some parents listening today and brothers and sisters and grandmothers and grandparents listening today and they'll be able to do that for their children and grandchildren.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Now, I want to share a few takeaways with you. Manifestation isn't just about wishful thinking. It's about healing from what's holding you back. Whether you're just starting your self-worth journey or deep into it, every step counts and it continues to be a process for the rest of your life. Remember, you're not behind. You're exactly where you need to be to create what's next.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
If this episode moved you, share it with someone who needs to hear they are worthy of the life they want. If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Will Smith on owning your truth and unlocking the power of manifestation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
You're not allowed, Roxy. You're not allowed to interview me today. We will save that for another time. Today is about you and your book.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Yeah, I think it's interesting when you say that because I think, I believe that everything's a lifelong journey. There's literally nothing that you could actually say has a beginning and an end because even when you look at something that you don't think grows anymore, it is growing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
It's just growing slowly or it's growing differently or it's growing uniquely, but everything's either growing or dying at any given time. And I think people forget that. And I like the point you made that you can manifest negatively and you can actually manifest the other way. Can you give us an example of how we do that? Like, how do we almost manifest things not working out?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Yeah, no, that's such a great answer. And I'm so glad you raised that point because I think people think they're like, okay, well, should I start manifesting? Should I not? Does it work? Does it not? And the point is you're already doing it in one way or another.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
And I think a lot of people struggle with the idea of manifesting for people who are kind of more skeptical or cynical and things like that. And, you know, you said you came from a non kind of spiritual background too, to some degree it sounds or... not open to these ideas. And that's the same with me. If someone told me about manifesting years ago, I would have just been like, that's weird.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
how many of you have ever tried to manifest something not just think about it not just dream it not just wish it but actually manifest something Now, here's the truth. Manifestation isn't just about what you want. It's about what you believe you deserve. Studies show that 80% of our thoughts are negative and those thoughts are silently shaping our reality.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Like, that doesn't work. It's just hard work. It's just you've got to put in the time. And now I realize I was subconsciously manifesting so many incredible things in my life, not knowing the term, not knowing the process. And then I was like, well, actually, if you know the process, you can use it better, right? Like, I think that's something that we don't understand.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
It's almost like if everyone is listening or watching, if you think about something you do, actually ask your friends this, ask your friends, what do I do well? And whatever answer they give you, there might be some things in that that surprise you. Like your friends might say, oh, you're actually a really good communicator. And you're like thinking, well, I never even knew that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Or your friends like, oh, you're really great at mediating between us when we're arguing and you didn't know that. Often when you don't know you have a skill, you actually don't know how to use it well. And that's why I find with manifesting, whether you're using manifestation to create negativity in your life or positivity, knowing how it works makes sense.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
So how did you start to piece together your you know, principles of manifestation? How did you start to gather and say, this is an important part of the process?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
I love it. That's great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Where did they come from?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
So if you have low self-worth, could it be blocking what you're trying to attract? Whether it's healing, chasing a dream, or rebuilding from rock bottom, manifestation begins the moment we realize we've been creating our own reality all along, just not always consciously.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Next up is Dr. Tara Swart, neuroscientist and expert in mindset and manifestation. Now, some people think manifesting is just sitting at home fantasizing about the life you want. But Dr. Tara Swart explains how you need to take actionable steps every day to move yourself forward. In order to truly manifest the life you want, you need to create alignment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Now, if you're someone who's skeptical about manifestation, the next clip is for you. Dr. Tara Swart brings scientific research and studies to validate manifestation. This idea then that we have the power to change our destiny, this idea that we have the power to propel our lives, whether it's careers, whether it's relationships, we have the ability to shift and pivot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
A lot of people will hear that and they think to themselves, well, that doesn't happen to me. It happens for those people. They hear that and think, yeah, you can't really think your way into anything. Or people hear it and say, no, I tried that once and it didn't work for me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
How do you approach that conversation of helping people realize the power that they hold and the power of what's possible for any one of us?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
In this special compilation episode, we're exploring how your inner dialogue may be the missing link between what you desire and what you manifest. No fluff, no woo-woo, just direct insights on how to manifest the life you want. First, we're going to hear from a dear friend of mine, Roxy Nafusi, mindset and manifestation coach, where she talks about how manifestation is tied to self-worth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
Did you find a difference? And I want to get into the science and research part to show the validity of what you're saying. Did you find a difference in the science of measuring extrinsic and intrinsic motivators? Because I feel like manifestation is still always about what do you want? Where do you want to be? And as, you know, honestly, I can only really speak for myself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
But when I think about it, for me, if someone asked me what that was, I've always wanted to just wake up and do what I love every day. Like that's really all I care about. And so it's all I care about is I want to wake up and do what I love every day and hopefully improves the lives of other people. And if those two things can go together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must-Listens: If You’re Feeling Stuck Use These 4 Methods To ACTUALLY Manifest What You Really Want (Ft. Roxi Nafousi and Dr. Tara Swart)
And I find that a lot of manifestation stems around like, what kind of house do you want? And what kind of car do you want? And what kind of life do you want? And it gets very extrinsic. And so I wonder whether, I'm intrigued, I'm really curious to know what the science suggests about when you're having an action board towards an intrinsic motivator or an extrinsic motivator.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
That one for sure. I've heard that plenty of times.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
around behavior some parents they have like no boundaries and i think some boundaries are appropriate what does loving discipline look like because i think it's it sounds good like we're all like yeah i would love to be disciplined but i'd love to be loving and often we don't even figure out what that means in the workplace let alone with kids we're either loving or disciplined
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
It's so important that we know how to set boundaries in a way that builds confidence, not fear. It's important that we create a safe, supportive environment where kids can learn from mistakes. Dr. Aliza Pressman will be talking about how discipline is about teaching, not punishing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
And I like the rules and rhythms and routines. I remember in my home, after dinner, me and my sister would clean up and we had a little rotor of who washed up that day and who cleaned the table that day. And it was just something that went around every day. We'd take it in turns. And my sister was four years younger than me and we'd just do it together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
And it became this thing that we just did and it became natural. It became a habit and it made us accountable and responsible to each other as well, as well as our parents. And it was a really neat way of kind of giving us that rules. And, you know, I think sometimes we think of rules as like strict rules and guidelines, but actually it can be just a rhythm and a routine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
And it's building competence and skill.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
You're about to hear from Kim Kardashian, and this is really about parenting in the public eye. Now, you may not have a life in the public eye, but you may wonder what other parents think about you. You may feel judged about what family members think about how you parent.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
And we all feel like we live in this bubble of people's constant opinions, expectations, and obligations of what a good parent should look like. In this segment, you'll hear about how Kim balances career, fame, and raising grounded kids. She talks a lot about overcoming mom guilt and being present with their kids, even with a busy schedule and a busy work life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
I think this is something a lot of you may be able to relate to and connect with. She also talks about the importance of open communication in navigating tough conversations. And she talks about how she creates a sense of normalcy despite being in the public eye and having such a big brand.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
What's the biggest lesson you learned from your mom that you're trying to pass on to the kids?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
Yeah, I think you've managed to hold onto it in your entire generation. And so they see that. I think kids mirror so much of what they see around them. And I remember when I met my wife, her grandma is her favorite human on the planet. And it's really interesting how when someone you love, you know who their favorite human is, you automatically start loving them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
And I wasn't really close to my grandparents, but I'm closer to Riley's grandma than I am to my own grandparents because you see your love for the person that you love. And so I think when your kids see the love that you have for your sisters and your cousins and your aunts and uncles.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
Yeah. And you guys went through that phase, I'm sure. We went through it too, yeah. Oh my God. It's still going on. Yeah, it's still going on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
That's never going to stop. This next segment is from Jessica Alba, where she talks about motherhood and personal growth. A big part of what she shares is how motherhood reshaped her career and priorities. Maybe you've just started a new job. Maybe you started a new side hustle. Maybe you just had your first child and everything's changing. Or maybe your kids just left the home.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
All of these transitions impact the way we work, live, and think. It affects our relationship with our spouse, our partner, whoever that may be, and it impacts our relationship with our work. In this segment, Jessica Alba talks about how she teaches her kids resilience, self-worth, and using success for good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
She also talks about how she's trying and been able to find balance between her personal ambitions and family life. I think this is such an important thing that we're all trying to juggle and it will really resonate with you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
I hope you took away a lot of practical emotional advice and insight from this episode. And here are some of my takeaways. Parenting isn't about being perfect. It's about being present and growing together. I think when we have that pressure of perfection, we actually sometimes act out in negative ways, even towards children. that pressure of perfection becomes why we're angry.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
Really, we're angry at ourselves, but we're taking it out on that child. That stress that we carry of wanting to be perfect parents and be perfect all the time makes us act in ways that we don't love afterwards and we might regret. Whether it's setting boundaries, building strong connections, or balancing life, today's insights show we're not alone in this journey.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
Every single person who's a parent is struggling with what we've talked about today. It doesn't matter how many resources you have. It doesn't matter what access you have. Everyone is going through an up and down. And I think we can also relate to that through having been kids in our lives. Thank you very much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
Yeah, and I feel that's the hardest time to be the cat because you're scared about them getting involved in the worst stuff, like whether it's drugs or, you know, addiction to social media or getting involved in the wrong circles. Like, that's the age at which it's going to happen.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
Yeah, it's terrifying. And they're getting a driver's license. They can drink now, you know, as they get older. It's almost like those are the times where you want to be more hands-on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
Studies show that a child's emotional intelligence and resilience is strongly shaped by their parents' approach to discipline and communication. But with so much parenting advice out there, it can be hard to know what really works. We're judged in many roles in our lives, but it seems we're judged the most in our roles as parents. There's no handbook to parenting yet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
The next clip is from Dr. Daniel Amen, who talks about the importance of presence and emotional connection. He talks about this special time technique, which is the importance of 20 minutes a day of uninterrupted physical time with children plus active listening.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
He talks about the need to set firm, loving boundaries with consistent follow-through and small intentional actions that make a big difference in connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
And what does that take?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
We're expected to never make any mistakes. Parenting is fulfilling but challenging. Every stage comes with new lessons. Today's guests bring different perspectives, psychologists, experienced parents, and public figures balancing family with busy careers. Let's start with one of the biggest parenting struggles, discipline. Discipline is about teaching, not punishing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I love kind of diving into your mind right now because I love that process. There's a lot of, It's also how you transition. But going back to that video you just showed me, when everyone sees this in the new Nat Geo show, that is like, I mean, I had to look away multiple times.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
So if anyone doesn't know what's going on, it's like this guy's like expanding his eye out, but then he's like nearly gouging it with like what, like a steel rod or something? How do you even make sure that's disinfected?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
In India.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And how are they doing that? Like, what did you learn from that experience of watching them? Like, if you had to look away.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
The first time I ever saw you, you were suspended in this box in the middle of London. You were in it for 44 days.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
But that's like a mind-body disconnect, no? Isn't your mind at peace and your body's going into cardiac arrest?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And these are not tricks. That's your point. These are not... Like you're saying, it's been passed down for generations. These are not sleight of hand.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And we don't know. You don't have an answer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
The human endurance part is what's so fascinating about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah. When did it turn for you from being magic tricks? I used to, I grew up watching you chuck cards at a car door and it's on the window of the inside of the, you know, the car or you talking about like, oh, you could guess who was calling your house, you know, when we all had landlines to then actually pushing your body to limits. Like where was that switch?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah, it's just the human endurance part is what's so fascinating about it because I feel like there's the great scene in the nude show where you're like literally figuring out how to put a knife.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Walk us through that because you see the scan as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Well, this series did that. What's the illusion that's kept you up the most nights?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
You didn't want to start with anything a little easier?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah, yeah. How did you know how far back to not let it go? Like you were that close on that scan.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
God, I mean, when I see you do this stuff, the question I always ask myself when I'm watching you is like, is there anything that you're actually scared of?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Do Not Attempt, exactly. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Is there anything that you're actually scared of?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. Over history, are there lots of magicians, illusionists, people that have died trying to do crazy things?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
That's crazy. Yeah. What was different about the guy that was actually doing it? What was he doing differently?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Would you ever try the bullet catch?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Oh, yeah. Sorry, I have seen that. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I am so excited for today because I'm getting to sit down with someone that I have loved and followed for the past two decades. This is someone that I grew up watching when I was back in London. I'd be wanting to watch every show, everything he did. I was addicted and I still am today. And this is one of those moments that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
So you're saying no one should, apart from you putting yourself at risk, ideally nothing else should get hurt during the trick.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
You are so right. We really do downplay the intelligence, especially of animals.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
But even humans. Yes. Yeah, we don't recognize it. And the body.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Do you think it's interesting how the world we've focused on becoming more comfortable? What do you think that's doing to us?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah. And it's so interesting because you're so right. Like we just, we all naturally though, and that's what you were saying when you were talking about the guy earlier who nearly gouged his eye out. Something that you said, which is so subtle, but so powerful, you were like, but when he's doing it, his body's not repelling it. And that's why somehow it works out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And I was thinking about it that everything you do defies what we want to do because we're looking for comfort. Yeah. But it's like, how do you prep yourself to actually want discomfort? Like, how do we prepare our minds and brains to actually seek out discomfort? Because just as you said, it's actually better for us, even for survival, even for growth of the species. But we don't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
We kind of go backwards into... reclining, Netflix and chill. That's the vibes. How do you get out of that? What have you done to continuously? Well, this series did that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I look back and I'm like, my 10-year-old self, my 15-year-old self would be high-fiving me so bad right now. So I'm so pumped. I'm sitting down with the world's most iconic illusionist, endurance artist and mentalist. From death-defying stunts to pushing the limits of human potential, he spent his career redefining what's possible.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And his latest series, Do Not Attempt, premieres March 23rd on National Geographic. Please welcome to the show, David Blaine. David, I get to sit down with a lot of cool people, but when I heard you were coming on and we made this happen, honestly, I felt like a kid the whole time. You got captivated by a subway trick when you were like four years old.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
That's what kind of introduced you into this world. What was that trick?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
,,,,,,,. P P P P P P G實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a en a
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
How does someone like him build that skill without dying in the process?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And he still does it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And there's no way of training a mamba. No.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah. I mean, just listening to that. It's crazy. And to hear you say it's the hardest thing you've ever done.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Did you have to prepare that before you went in?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I think all of us would even get in there. There's an interesting thing about animals in that way, isn't there? My monk teacher who spent time in, when he traveled, would live in the forest and things like that back in the day. And he would always talk about how animals see whether you respect them or whether you fear them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And he would talk about that every time he saw an animal, it was like he'd have to bow down to the animal in his heart and mind. And if he was to do that, then the animal would know that that wasn't a threat or there wasn't any fear. And then that would be what created a sense of peace, that if he could bow down and show respect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Because humans, yeah, we think we have to dominate and like show them and then they'll run away.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
It's going to go for you. Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Wow. Think about them preserving energy. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I mean, even listening to you though, there's such a respect for your craft and art. Like the number of times in this conversation, you've always already said, like, I trusted the teacher. I trusted Neville, trusted Deepak. Like there's such a respect for mentors and trust for teachers and guides. And there's such a respect for the art and craft.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
It's not just, you know, as today, we kind of make everything today just feel like entertainment. And even when people have talents, you know, It's kind of just like, oh, yeah, everyone's got talents now. But it's like, actually, for you, it's a respect and study of the craft.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
It's beautiful to think about what you do that way. Because I think a lot of people can kind of project it as like, oh, well, David's figured it out. But it's actually like, no, you're willing to submit yourself and study and become a beginner again. Right. Like that beginner's mindset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah. You're constantly going from becoming the expert, going back to the beginner, become an expert. That cycle doesn't stop.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah. It's really cool. I love that. What's the illusion that's kept you up the most nights before you've done it, that you've had sleepless nights over as you prepare or get ready for it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
How many times had you been in the pen before you did that one? Was that in that time, that night?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I think that's very legitimate. Kissing a King Cobra.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
What was it like losing your mother? So sorry for your loss.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
and I was like yeah and that was our final words yes
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
That's so powerful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
That's really special.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Do you look for her in, I don't need to look, but she's everywhere.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I've had a couple of experiences recently. I was, officiating a wedding, not last Christmas, the Christmas before, December before. And the couple that I'd introduced had met through meditations that I'd led for them. And so I was leading a meditation for their wedding ceremony because they had asked for it. And so me and the Period.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
But the rest of the audience, I think some of them probably joined in. Some people don't want to join in, so they didn't join in. And it was amazing because we were in Tulum in Mexico and this, I had my eyes closed, so I didn't see it. But this huge blue butterfly flew from between the couple and then flew throughout the whole audience. And for those who had their eyes open, saw it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And for most of us who had our eyes closed, we didn't see it. And then we found out later on that the lady who's getting married, she has a blue butterfly on her neck because it represents her father who is passed on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And we didn't see it because we had our eyes closed in meditation. That's amazing. And it was just one butterfly. No one really saw it. And it's just, I love things like that when people have such a strong... semblance to signs.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Well, that's what I love about the way you think about it, because I think there's a lot of illusionists in the world who almost see illusion as a way of saying there is no mysticism in the world. there's a lot of illusionists who will say, oh yeah, because I can explain everything, it kind of proves that there is no otherworldly, supernatural or mystical, whatever language you want to use for it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
That's beautiful. Yeah. That's really beautiful, man.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
What's one of the most amazing things you've experienced by being open?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
We were talking about it earlier. You start realizing that the sky is not just blue. There's so many different variations that not every leaf you see is green. There's so many variations. But if you look on an average day, it's like, Oh, the sky's blue. The trees are green. Like we have this, we kind of have this almost veneer or this lens we put on everything, which makes it all the same.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And you look at that in society too, where like you go down most city centers, every shop is the same. We see the same coffee shop everywhere. You see the same, like, you know, we homogenize everything in the world and there's a sense of comfort. There's a sense of comfort when you see, I remember my friend was giving us a tour of Oxford.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
He was studying at Oxford University and he was going around and he was saying, this is where Lord of the Rings was written. And this is where Alice in Wonderland was written. He was giving me this. And me and him were like loving this. And we were with someone. And then we walked into the town center and they were like, oh my God, there's an Urban Outfitters here. It's like the clothes store.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah, well, I'm having a moment now because just before we went on, you showed me
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And we were all like, what is wrong with you? But it's like, for them, that was a sense of comfort. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, and I was like, but wait a minute, this is where Alice in Wonderland was written.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And it's so fascinating. It's like, yeah, who have you met or what have you done that has just shifted your perspective the most in the last few decades? Like, is this a person you met, a place you went to that just shifted? I mean, there's so many.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
a video of your daughter performing and i was thinking you were doing the same thing like when i saw you were watching that video you probably watched a million times by the way your daughter is so talented yes it's phenomenally talented i can't wait to see her perform live but you were looking at that video like it was the first time you'd seen it and you were so proud as a proud dad to show it to me i'm thinking you're like mirroring your mom's energy yeah that's true it's really special it's it's amazing to see that yeah
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Any favorites? Any ones that you recommend?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah, thank you for that. How does that speak to you now? Like, how does his dilemma speak to you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a beautiful statement that it reminds me of from F. Scott Fitzgerald, who said that the sign of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in the mind at the same time. So one should be able to look around and see that everything is hopeless, but still be determined to make a change. And still be hopeful. Yeah, exactly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
But that's literally what you do in a physical, tangible, mental way. Because everything about you knows that putting a blade close to your body cuts it. That being close to a black mamba like kills you. Like that, that is what you're, you're literally living that. Because I'm intrigued to know this because you're one of the most unrelatable people on the planet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
What does it feel like to you now when you're watching Dessa perform and build her craft?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Because you've done things that even if you explain them and even if we watch you do them, 99.9% of people, even more than that, that's even a low percentage, have no idea what it even feels like. How does that feel?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
You'd avoided fire for a while. You'd avoided wanting to do that. You finally succeed with the bridge dive. I mean, how did that feel? Why were you avoiding it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I mean, but you had a set amount of time that you had to like... It was quick. Yeah, it was quick. Yeah. It was quick. Yeah. Did it live up to your feeling of wanting to do something with fire? Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Oh, you would. You'd do it again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I was saying to you when you walked in today that the first time I ever saw you was in 2003. You were doing your act above the below and you were suspended 30 feet up or something, maybe higher in this box in the middle of London. And you were in it for 44 days. You survived on like four and a half liters of water a day. And I think you lost like 60 pounds.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I love that answer. Yeah, that's brilliant. That idea that every single person gets to kind of pass on the baton, right? Like the idea of like, I open up the door and now it's open. And I always ask people, I'm like, find your monk. And what I mean by that is if I didn't meet this monk, the entire trajectory of my life wouldn't have shifted and changed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
It was like meeting this one person completely pivoted my whole life journey. And
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And I used to come wave at you, but you don't remember me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
And it seems like that's why you'll never be done because that's what drives you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
David, you've been so generous with your time. I've loved every moment of this. You are truly one of the most fascinating people I've ever spoken to. And we end on purpose with a final five, a fast five. These have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
So these are your, David Blaine, these are your final five. Question number one, what is the best life advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Good advice. Question number two, what's the worst advice you've ever had or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah, I think a lot of people have had that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah. If you wanted your life to leave behind three messages, what would they be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
I think today, yeah, we don't allow ourselves because we're kind of used to it. We don't even realize, even though we all make phones look bad, but this is actually phenomenal that it exists.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah, allow yourself to be amazed is a great line. I love that. Question number four, when your mother left you with the words, God is love, What does that mean to you today?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
That's the ultimate.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
If you could, we asked this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
It can be as tangible or intangible as you like.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Simple.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah. No ego is definitely a good law.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
When do you feel you have the least ego? When do you feel you experience no ego?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
David Blaine, thank you so much for your time, your energy. Everyone who's been listening and watching, make sure you go and watch the new show, David Blaine, Do Not Attempt. It's on Nat Geo. I can't wait for you to see it. It's phenomenal. You got to hear some of the stories here out March 23rd on National Geographic.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
David takes viewers on an incredible journey where he immerses himself in unique cultures and meeting extraordinary performers who inspire and share their rare skills and secrets. And of course, you can also see David as Las Vegas residency at the Encore Theater and at the Wynn. I can't wait to go. I'm coming to see you live. I'm really looking forward to it. And congratulations, my friend.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Really wonderful getting to know you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
If you love this podcast, you'll love my episode with Lewis Hamilton. Lewis and I talk about why you should stop chasing society's definition of success and how to be more intentional with your goals. You don't want to miss it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
But you could taste it because of that pear taste in 28 days.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
That's amazing. I mean, but hearing about it from the person who actually lived through it is pretty remarkable and amazing. I wonder though, like one thing I love about you, David, is that these are not just tricks or experiments. These are things that you research, you read. There's a story that inspires it. There's a experiment that happened years ago that inspires something you do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
These are not just, you know, manufactured things. They're really deep parts of things you're fascinated by. How did you start to come across stories, ideas, images that inspired these tricks? Where did that come from?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
You were saying earlier that when you're in the box for... 44 days, it ruined your metabolism. How much did you study and know that that was going to happen? Or how much was that a real shock and surprise to the system?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
When is it worth it? And when is it not worth it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah. I love how mathematical it is for you as well, though. Like,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
David Blaine: I Nearly Died Doing This (How to Conquer Fear and Push Your Limits)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Over a million people listen to his podcast every week. Dr Rangan Chatterjee. You say that when you went to medical school, 50% of what you were learning was going to be wrong at some point.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Yeah, I think it's spot on. I think if you think about it, we're constantly chasing a feeling, an emotional fix. And we usually turn to physical, tangible things that we think are going to make us feel that way. Right. As you said, like really what I'm trying to do is lower stress. And I've just created the mechanism to think, if I want to lower stress, I need to indulge in ice cream.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
And that's the connection we've made. Whereas, like you're saying, there's so many other ways. And actually, it could be a natural source of sugar. It could be a low sugar product, if that's what you're after. It could be, as you said, a yoga session, breath work, whatever it may be. Now, what I find, though, is that when you first try and make that change,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
it literally feels like you're fighting against yourself, right? It almost feels like there's this internal battle. And I'm at the point now, having worked on some of these things for a while, I'm at a point now where I believe my taste buds have actually changed. The feeling and the desire has evolved and I'm able to deal with it in a healthier way. But there's that middle part
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Where you feel like you're just like, come on, I've got to give in. I've got to give in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
What would you say is the number one advice for someone who says, I want to break a bad habit. It just can't happen. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm so grateful that you come back every week to become happier, healthier, and more healed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Today's guest is one of your favorites, Dr. Rangan Chatterjee, a UK-based physician, an author, wellness expert, and podcast host known for empowering people to take control of their health through simple lifestyle changes to rethink it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
His sixth and latest book, Make Change That Lasts, offers a personalized approach to simple nine strategies for lasting change in daily life to unlock long-lasting health and happiness. This, I truly believe, is Rangan's best book yet. And that's saying a lot. He's had some incredible books out the last few years. Go and grab your copy right now. You won't regret it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
It makes a lot of sense. I mean, two things came to mind as you were speaking. The first was you can't change something you hate. You can only change something you love. And that includes yourself. Because if you hate something, how much energy will you give it? How much focus will you give it? How much direction will you give it? Whereas when you love something, you'll be present with it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
You'll be right there with it. And I feel we're trying to hate ourselves into change.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
And you're so right. I remember years ago as well, like... having a very, very harsh negative inner voice. And it did all the things you said. I would shame myself. I would guilt myself. I would judge myself. And none of that helped me change. If anything, it took longer for me to get back to where I wanted to get to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Because when you fall off after 14 days of meditation, now when you're judging and guilting and shaming yourself, you feel like you can't do the thing unless you can be perfect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
And make these nine strategies a part of your daily life. Welcome to On Purpose, Dr. Rangan Chatterjee. Rangan, it's great to have you back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
No, it's so great to have you here always, Rangan. I really enjoy our conversations. I enjoy our interactions offline as much as I do online. And I remember when you were talking about this book with me when you were first, I think, putting it together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
And there was this excitement that you had and this look in your eye where it was like, this was the first time it was like a medical doctor was writing somewhat of a philosophical, spiritual book. but with a scientific lens. And I think it's come together brilliantly. So congrats on trying to mesh those things together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Yeah, it resonates very strongly with me. And To kind of encapsulate what you're saying, what I'm hearing and what I found to be true is that if you really want to make a change, it comes down to your most repeated thought, your most repeated words, and your most repeated actions. And what you find is you already have a most repeated thought, I'm not good enough. I can't do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
That life's not for me. And this goes back to your point. That's what your beliefs are. Your beliefs are just your most repeated thoughts. And now it feels like that's who you are. And then naturally those become your words. So when someone says to you like, oh, how's that new habit going? Or, you know, how's the workout going? Or whatever you go, oh, you know, I can't keep up. Exactly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
And now you keep repeating that. And everyone you meet, you go, oh yeah, I gave up after seven days. And now that's your language. And then that naturally leads onto your actions. And so What you're talking about, which I really appreciate because it is harder to talk about, which is what is the root. But for all of us, anyone who's had a lasting change, it's been a root issue that's been solved.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Mm-hmm. Yeah, and I really appreciate the direction of getting people to trust themselves. I mean, I've seen that time and time again. I remember a couple of months ago, I was trying a really high protein diet, the amount that's recommended, and I just, it didn't work for me. It just didn't work for me. Like trying to eat my body weight in protein was far too much for me personally.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
And I didn't feel good. I was feeling more tired. I was feeling actually more bloated. It just didn't work. And it was like, well, this is what all the studies say. This is what all the research says.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Yeah, it's brilliant. I mean, talking about change, I want to go back to something you say in the book. So you say that when you went to medical school, 50% of what you were learning was going to be wrong at some point. You just didn't know which 50%. And so I wanted to ask you, what's something that you learned at medical school
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Yeah, compared to most, absolutely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Yeah, absolutely. I like that addition as well. What's your take? We've talked a lot about self-awareness and the importance of it. Obviously, right now, everyone's getting really excited about fitness trackers. What's your take on them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
that today you believe to be untrue and you've discovered new truths about?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Yeah, it's a great answer. It's a great answer. And I fully agree. I think it goes back to what the common theme is. As you said, it's our interpretation of the event, of the data, of the information. And I guess then going back to what you said earlier, your only non-negotiable has become being kinder to yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Like that is your non-negotiable, like the ability to always turn towards not judging, not shaming, not guilting, but giving yourself that space and grace to just operate and think it through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Make change that lasts, Rangan. It's been really a joy talking to you today. I mean, the thing that's staying with me and resonating with me most deeply about what you just shared is this idea of taking accountability, taking responsibility for ourselves, for our feelings, for our health. I think it's very easy to say, I did this because this person told me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Oh, I feel this way because that person did that to me. Oh, that person's diet didn't work. And you're so right. We've been trying to outsource our health, our emotional health, our physical health. And I love the ownership. and the empowerment that you're offering everyone through this book, because that's really what's missing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
That's really what the struggle is, is that we haven't taken ownership of our own life. And that's what I feel you're encouraging us to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
I love him. Yeah, he's amazing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
I love that. Everyone, the book is called Make Change That Lasts, Nine Simple Ways to Break Free from the Habits That Hold You Back. Go and grab your copy right now. And Rangan, thank you so much for always coming with so much energy, enthusiasm and counterintuitive thinking, which I think is going to benefit a lot of people and start their new year just right. So thank you so much, my friend.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
It's great to have you here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Amazing. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on how to change your life by changing your brain.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
It's a show dedicated to helping you figure out the trickiest parts of adulting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Yeah, and that definitely resonates. And the one thing that caught my eye when I was reading the book, I wanted to ask you, why have you never told a patient to quit smoking, to just quit smoking? Why have you never said that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Let's learn about all of it and then some. Listen to Grown Up Stuff How to Adult on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search Grown Up Stuff.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
Yeah, I mean, I love hearing that because I think there's such a humanity to it. And also, a big part of making change that lasts is someone making change for themselves. Exactly. They really believe... that this change will help them be a better parent, a better professional, a better person, a better functioning human.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: #1 Way to Break a Bad Habit & Why 50% of What Doctors Learn in Medical School Turns Out Wrong
And if I feel pressured into making change, or if I feel pushed into making change, then chances are I'm going to fall right back into that habit. So if someone does come up to you and say, Dr. Chatterjee, how do I break a bad habit? What would you say is the number one advice for someone who says, I want to break a bad habit. It just can't happen. It's just never happened.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. Yeah, I love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
I remember last time we were together, you were talking about just the kitchen table and just the gathering of minds and family and how important that is. And Craig, I know your birthday is coming up too. It is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Happy 21st birthday. But were birthdays a big part of connecting over the years as well or has that not been? Because that for my sister is like the biggest day. She's like, my birthday is really important. Do not miss my birthday. Like I know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
It's a birthday month now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
It was.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
That's a lot of people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
That's amazing. What's been something that you've, an idea that you've had to unlearn since you were younger, something that you've kind of had to let go off as time has gone on, something that was important before, but you're like, no, it's not so important.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
What did it take?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Non-inflammable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
I mean, that's a real fear.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
I mean, that's such a profound thing to reflect on when thinking about what to unlearn because it's so, as you said, it wasn't both of yours, but especially this is something that isn't going to change based on a mindset because it exists in reality. Did either of you ever have any close calls or run-ins that you would like to share or feel comfortable sharing? Even more than me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? I'm going to make him start so that I don't start crying.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
hey everyone welcome back to on purpose the place you come to become happier healthier and more healed today's guests are two of my favorite people i'm so grateful and excited to welcome one of them back and one of them for the first time ever i'm speaking about none other than michelle obama and craig robinson welcome
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Hey, everyone. We want to tell you about our podcast.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Hello, I'm Kelly Wienersmith. I study parasites along with nature's other creepy crawlies, and there's just endless things about this universe that I find fascinating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
And on our podcast, Daniel and Kelly's Extraordinary Universe is all about the mind-blowing discoveries we've made about this crazy, beautiful cosmos.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Each Tuesday and Thursday, we take an hour-long dive into some science topic, during which time I try to suppress my biologist training and keep the poop jokes to a minimum.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Yeah. I mean, when you talk about that fear, I'm sure that fear has been tested across your life in so many different places. And I wonder, what would you say has been the most hardest recent test of that fear? Because it's not one of those fears that you kind of get over and it just goes away. It kind of shows its head in many different ways, I imagine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Oh, my gosh. Wow, you're going to make me cry. I'm like, that's so sweet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Thank you both. But honestly, I'm so grateful. I was just thinking when I was preparing for this, I was like, I wish my sister was in town because then we could have double interviewed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
What do you both do with that fear? Because I think that's very real. And a lot of people listening probably feel very similarly to both of you as well. What do you do with it? Because it almost feels overwhelming.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
And especially for someone going through it, as you talk about with your daughters too, it's, it's not something that you rationalize and, you know, it's, it's not the same as so many other fears. So what do you do with it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
All right. We're going to play it next time. We can do that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
She would have killed me if I did that to her because she's not on camera. She's an optometrist in London. The best. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
She's four and a half years younger than me. And I still remember the moment. Well, I don't remember the moment. It's interesting. I've seen a picture of me holding her when she was born and I was like four and a half, five years old. And so I have this memory that I held her when she was born. And we've been inseparable ever since.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
I love that. I think that's such a optimistic, hopeful, powerful mindset. And you're so right because if we all become cynical and skeptical and negative, it only makes it worse for us and worse for everyone around us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Oh, yeah. I mean, that totally, like, you know, it just, it was just such a refreshing take on what I was saying was, is a valid concern, is a natural feeling that people are having. But to flip the script in our own minds as to how we deal with it and that constant battle that we have to have with the thoughts in our head. And I love what you're doing with IMO.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
I mean, I was so grateful to be a guest on the show and to visit you both today. in Martha's Vineyard, which was last year, I think it was. And first of all, I'm just so grateful when I see doing it with family is just special because already you're seeing sides of each other that you'd never see elsewhere. So you can tell how authentic and real it is and true it is, which is so beautiful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
And on top of that, what I love about it the most is is that I feel the fact that you're doing a podcast, which is the most accessible platform where you're giving, I mean, you know, when we were on like questions coming in from the audience that we were tackling together, trying to hear from both of your experiences.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
And by the way, Craig, you saying that you, you know, the normal, regular person in the family. I mean, like,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
I hope everyone has regular life. It's amazing to hear it from both of your sides. And the fact that you're opening up, even just the way you did now about these real life experiences that you've both had.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
I think it's so needed because I think the challenge is that when people do have success, as both of you have had, and the incredible heights of success that you've had, you forget that someone was once scared that they were told they were... stealing a bike or that they were scared about going down a particular street in their neighborhood. And that's where so many people start out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
And it's not saying that everyone has to go and achieve things externally in the world to get out of that, but these are real emotions. And I think what you were saying to me that resonated just now, Michelle, was this idea that you've had to push yourself out of that comfort zone and your parents wanted you to not have that. I mean, what amazing parenting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
I mean, what phenomenal parenting when you have every reason to scare your kids into a corner. But you actually use it to expand their vision up to the whole world. I mean, that's... We were blessed, Jay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Yeah, she will kill me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Mic drop. That was like, that really hits hard. I mean, that resonates so strongly. And I feel as I was listening to you, it's in one sense, and I want to ask you this, both as parents, I'm not a parent yet. And partly it's because me and my wife have these discussions. We talk a lot about what our parenting philosophy is. And we've talked about it over the years that we've been together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
We've been together now for 12 years and married for nine. And And it's been a topic of conversation. And there's been things we haven't agreed on. There's things we agree on. And we want to make sure that we have an aligned viewpoint. Even if we have slight differences, we want to have an aligned viewpoint because we want the kids to get a clear message. We don't want them to get...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
mom and dad have different viewpoints and they're, you know, they're arguing about trying to figure it out. And, and it's hard. And I wanted to ask you both as parents to think, you know, you've both lived incredibly successful lives. You went to the best schools in the country.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
You know, you went on to pivot and have an amazing career in your passion of basketball, like to even be able to do that as a coach is incredible, Craig, right? Like to be able to pivot, which I'm sure took sacrifice and stress. And I want to link it to parenting and And of course, Michelle, like going to the White House, raising kids while you're at the White House, leaving, then continuing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
How did you put parenting as a priority despite prioritizing your passion, prioritizing the country and service, prioritizing your own marriages? Like, I feel like there's so much pressure on parents. We just said we can't rely on school. We can't rely on the government. Can't rely. So that means it's all on this person. How does a parent take that pressure in a way that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
uplifts them and allows them to pursue their greatness too, rather than feel completely paralyzed by it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Well, you also know what a great parent looks like.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Wow. I love that. And do you actually remember, do you remember the moment or it's the picture that you remember?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Yeah, I love that. I mean, sibling relationships, as I said in mine as well, my sister and I are so close. And we haven't lived in the same country for nine years now. But we talk and stay in touch and we're constantly connected. And I wanted to start by asking you this question for both of you that I feel like the first time me and my sister got close is when I shared a secret with her.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
And I was wondering what was the first secret that you ever told each other? As early as it was, as silly as it was, that you remember sharing something in confidence in the beginning, early days of your relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Yeah, well, and I really, really appreciate the clarification of reprioritizing that pressure because the pressure we're placing, as you said, on the winning, the succeeding, it's almost misplaced. There's a distinction that I'm hearing from both of you in coddling an individual and and cultivating independence.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
And when we think of more love or more support, we think fix, solve, control, done, right? That's what we think love is. We think love means you have no problems.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
We took care of everything. Yeah. And we're here for everything that you need.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
And actually what we've realized is love is setting someone up to carry themselves and fix themselves and serve themselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
We've talked a lot about the differences in how you were parented, how things have changed. And I feel like one of the biggest talking points of today for parents and children is therapy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Like therapy seems to be a conversation that's opened up that a previous generation either didn't have access to, didn't believe in, couldn't afford, didn't value, which some of those challenges still exist today with affordability and accessibility. But what have been your personal journeys with therapy as a form of working on your own self and then, of course, your children as well?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
We want to tell you about our podcast.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Hello, I'm Kelly Wienersmith. I study parasites along with nature's other creepy crawlies. And there's just endless things about this universe that I find fascinating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
And on our podcast, Daniel and Kelly's Extraordinary Universe is all about the mind-blowing discoveries we've made about this crazy, beautiful cosmos.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Each Tuesday and Thursday, we take an hour-long dive into some science topic, during which time I try to suppress my biologist training and keep the poop jokes to a minimum.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Yeah. I love what you were saying about needing them at transitions when we're shapeshifting and molding. And it's almost like ever since someone graduates, if they went to college, it's like from that point on, you just left to figure it out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
And it's almost like there were these markers, like when you went from elementary school to high school to college, there were markers and there were transitions and there were summers in between where you knew what was coming next and then you become an adult.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
And then now there's not really the... Well, there are the markers of get married, you have kids, you get to a career success or whatever it is, the kids leave, as you said, but there's no real transitionary summers anymore. There's not... Not everyone's talking to you about, hey, what's going on?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
And also there's less formal training for those transitions that are so emotionally tough because you're almost grieving an identity you had but then knowing there's a new version that exists and that push and pull of do I stay or do I go in all of areas of your life. And I wonder, Michelle, from your perspective, and then of course from yours as well, Craig, and you mentioned that guilt.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
I was like, what is the guilt that you feel you're having to learn to let go of or in the beautiful upbringing you had, what were the things that you're like, but these are certain ideas that aren't serving us anymore or aren't helping you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Thank you for sharing that. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable because I know it takes a lot to be able to say what you're saying in therapy, to say it out loud. And I can see the emotion on your face that it's not, you know, something you're grappling with. It's real. So you're working on it right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
And, and I hope that gives everyone who's listening, I know it will give everyone who's listening and watching courage to think, yeah, you know, like, Maybe I'm setting the bars too high for myself, whatever that may be, or a different question, but thank you. Craig, sorry, I'd love to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
You've both been so gracious and generous with your time today. I could truly talk to you for another hour. Three hours, but I'm going to end with one last question for you each. Or maybe two. One last question for you each. It would be for you to share with each other what you believe your mother would be most proud of. But of each other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
If you could say what your mother would be most proud about, Michelle, if she was here with us today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
I like that, Craig. That's a good one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Round this off, Michelle.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Old time refrigerator. We used to go down there and play hockey.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Thank you both so much. I am so grateful to welcome you to the world of podcasting. I hope everyone who's listening and watching goes and subscribes to IMO. You're going to get so much wisdom, so much insight from two of the smartest, brightest minds, but two people who have such sweet, soft hearts. And I love that combination that you both bring of being absolutely bold powerhouses.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
But in the times I've got to know you both and spend with you both, you also have the most beautiful hearts. And that combination is unstoppable. And I am so excited to see what you both do in this next season of your life. Thanks, Jay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
If you enjoyed this podcast, you're going to love my conversation with Michelle Obama, where she opens up on how to stay with your partner when they're changing and the four check-ins you should be doing in your relationship. We also talk about how to deal with relationships when they're under stress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
If you're going through something right now with your partner or someone you're seeing, this is the episode for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
We love learning about this extraordinary universe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
And on our podcast, Daniel and Kelly's Extraordinary Universe, that's what we're going to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
I'm Kelly Wienersmith. I study parasites, and there's just endless things about this universe that I find fascinating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
And do your parents know that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
How did they feel when you told them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
It's always an auntie.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
That is a good one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
That's what's so beautiful about this, this relationship. And it's interesting you both said, cause we did the same thing. So me and my sister shared a room as well. And it's so interesting to hear about. I talk to a lot of siblings and some are not close to each other and some are very close to each other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
And you see that pattern in people who shared a room, who talked about something every night, connected. And that's how I think me and my sister got used to talking to each other because that's who you dissected the day with. Exactly. Even if it wasn't very deep and profound at the time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
what would you say was something that you felt a value that you learned at that early stage in your life that you both feel you've kept till today like something that's continued to be a part of who you are today
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
I have to go to sleep. I was like, well, pull over. I can do this. I drove us the rest of the way down.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Yeah, I'm awake. Are you okay? It's fine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson: Break the Generational Patterns Holding You Back (How to Build Confidence, Responsibility, and Emotional Resilience)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
We were talking about, you know, asking each other for favors before. You wouldn't do that if you thought, well, don't ask Jay because he'll just shut you down. then you would never ask anyone. But if you start a conversation and someone looks like they want to be generous and help you, then you go into that oxytocin mode.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
But you need to be pushing yourself into that mode as much of the time as you can. So the second one is manifestation, which is believing that with your abundant resources, you can do things in the real world that mean that whether it's that feeling of I do what I love or it's an actual house, that you have it in your capability to make that happen.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
You cannot undo a negative thought pattern. We have to overwrite it with a new one. Your brain, it's two and a half times more strongly wired to avoid risk than is to get a reward. Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Because of course, if you believe it will never happen for me, one of these common statements, that's likely to become true. That's manifestation too. It's just negative manifestation. And it's important to say that both manifestation and the process of neuroplasticity, which I will describe in detail, which is how your brain changes to allow you to grow and grasp new opportunities.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
They both have a good side and a bad side. And the classic example of a bad side of neuroplasticity is obsessing over an ex after a breakup. Because what you're saying to your brain is, this is what people do. You trust them and then they leave you. And you just remind yourself of all the times that you should have seen the signs and then all the times that it went wrong.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
That's also inducing neuroplasticity and potentially manifestation in your brain. Because if you don't make a change after that, your relationship pattern will stay the same and you'll reinforce it further with more breakups and more, you know, sort of choices of partners aren't ideal for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
The third one is the magnetic desire that I already discussed, which means that it has to be really authentic to you, but also aligned in simple terms in your head, your heart and your gut. But in the source, I talk about six ways of thinking, which are logical, emotional, physical, intuitive, motivational, and creative. So
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
If you think of something that you want and you ask yourself in six different questions, you know, why do I want this logically? Why do I want it intuitively? And you can get a really good answer to those. And it's likely that, you know, you will be able to manifest that. Then there's patience, which has to do with neuroplasticity.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So until we had sophisticated scanning technologies, a lot of this work, cognitive science work, was all thought to be psychological rather than neurological. So it would kind of be like, oh, you know, Jay, you're not mentally strong enough. You gave up too quickly. And it would kind of infer an intangible psychological weakness that is kind of your fault.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And I think that's another criticism of manifestation as well, that if it doesn't work, then there's something wrong with you. If you understand that it's actually physical work, when you're changing something, when you're striving for something, you're actually connecting up neurons or nerve cells in your brain that weren't connected previously.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
You may even be growing new nerve cells from little embryonic baby nerve cells that then connect up with ones that already exist. And you may also be adding an insulating coat around existing neural pathways to make them faster, to make them more efficient. So the patient's piece is because a lot of hard work goes on. You know, that feeling of I'm trying to manifest, but nothing's happening.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
That's in the patient's piece, because when you get to a critical mass of neurons that have created a new pathway that is stronger than the pathway you had before. So let's say it's just the things like that never happened for me pathway changes to a, well, actually, I've seen Jay do it. So maybe it could happen for me pathway. That takes a lot of effort.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
But once you get to the critical mass of enough neurons, suddenly it feels like everything's easy and everything's manifesting. And I do feel like people have to get a taste of that before, you know, at least once with a quick win to have the courage to take it to the next level. And the last two, which I didn't expand on too much in the source, are harmony and universal connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And harmony is kind of also to do with the But it also means that it should be aligned with the world, like you're not doing some harm to get what you want. And universal connection is about the fact that we are all interrelated. If you believe that you can achieve something because there are enough resources in the world for everyone, then you should also be generous and pay it forward.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Yeah, absolutely every single thought matters. And that's why there's an old Buddhist saying that is replace every negative thought with a positive thought. And neuroplasticity completely backs that up because the way we rewire our brains is not that we, so basically we cannot undo a negative thought pattern or a negative relationship pattern. We have to overwrite it with a new one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So rather than focusing on the negatives, which is to do with that abundance piece, it's better to work out what do I need to do differently to not keep repeating this obstacle or challenge that keeps coming up in my life. So the way that it physically works, the process that is underpinned by neuroplasticity is a four-step process.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And it starts with raised awareness, which is kind of what you've already said, which is really monitoring your thoughts, understanding what the beliefs are that are driving those thoughts and making you make the decisions that you make in the real world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And I would suggest that people spend at least a month monitoring that with journaling, maybe talking therapy, maybe talking to a friend, as long as you're very clear that their agenda for you kind of doesn't affect that. And then the second stage is focused attention. So that is then, let's say you notice a particular pattern that you have. Let's say it's around money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Notice the next time, again for a month probably, that you don't buy something because you don't feel you deserve it because you think it's too expensive. Or you wait for something to go into the sale and then you miss out on getting it. You know, so things like that. So any money behaviors or love behaviors, whichever. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And at first, don't try to change anything, but just notice it like maybe straight after it happened. Then try to, in time, get yourself to notice when it's happening and see if you can reframe it. Maybe you can, maybe you can't. And then to try to get yourself to the stage where you think, normally I wouldn't buy this because I don't think I deserve it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
But today I'm going to treat myself because I believe in abundance and I believe that I will achieve the career aims that I have that will make me able to afford that. The third stage is deliberate practice, which is that you regularly practice the new desired behavior until it becomes so ingrained in your brain that it's actually easier for you to do that than default to the old behavior.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And the last part, it's not really one of the stages, it takes you through the whole process, is accountability. So how do you hold yourself accountable? Some people have a coach or a therapist or a partner that might hold them accountable. If you don't and you need to do it by yourself, then a vision board is a really good way of doing it because you've clearly stated what you want.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
You can see if you've got it or not. At the end of the year, you can say I manifested 60% of the things that I wanted. And I also use an app called Habit Share where I record 12 micro habits each year. And I can track them. I can share them if I want to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Thank you so much. And thank you for squeezing me in when you're in London for such a short time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I found that was better for me than New Year's resolutions because I could just take two or three of them and try to like bring them into my toolkit each quarter of the year. And then by the end of the year, I would find like eight or 10 of those were habits already. So I kind of do that alongside my bigger goals.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Four things there. So I hope I can remember them all. The first one is that there's a step before what you said, which is that some people aren't even aware that they don't think they deserve it. So I discovered something quite by accident, which was a theme of people selecting images for their vision board.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
placing them onto the board, even spending the time to like shuffle them around, make sure it all like looks and feels right. And then telling me that they never stuck them down. Wow. And I just had a light bulb moment and I said, you haven't stuck them down because you don't believe you deserve them. And the person just like, you know, had a bit of a meltdown.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And so every time I've heard someone do, you know, a variation on that theme, I've talked about deservingness. So even that has to be known in the first place, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Next, I do think it's about who you surround yourself with. So I started smiling when you said I had a mentor because that already means that you've sought out someone that's going to challenge your thinking, that's going to push you to be your best. And my version of that is that, like I said, I spent nine years at university to become a medical doctor in the NHS.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I did not believe that I could do anything else. I had a vocational degree. I didn't have a more general degree where I could say I could go and apply to do something else. My best friend, whose kids I was just babysitting, she had read biochemistry at Oxford. She'd worked in the dot-com explosion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And then she just announced to our sort of closest circle one day at dinner, I'm going to give it all up and go and study a master's in sculpture. And I remember thinking, that's incredible, but I could never do that. And it was only kind of like one and a half or two years later that I then said, I'm leaving medicine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And I remember my brother said to me, I'm really proud of you, but I could never do that. So it's almost like there's a chain of... Totally. Yeah. And if you're around people who were only doing what you do, who also had self-limiting beliefs, who, you know, had maybe some things even against being entrepreneurial... you might have stayed stuck where you were.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And then the next stage is a lot of people try and then give up, right? And I'm not saying this is for everyone, but when I changed career, I went from having a, you know, not very high, but stable salary to having nothing. And that was the case for quite a while. And a few people said to me, please just go and like work in the hospital for one weekend.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
You'll be able to pay your rent and like not, you know, kind of worry about money so much. And a lot of people hold down a part-time job when they're becoming an entrepreneur. But I said, if I do that, I will feel like I failed. So for me, I had to burn my boats. Like there was no way back. I had to succeed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And like I said, I'm not saying that's right for everyone, but everyone will have their version of the thing that will really make them say, I cannot fail.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I think one of the things that you're talking about is this idea of having really in-depth psychotherapy and having to uncover every trauma in your life to get to the point where you're healed enough to move forward. I am obviously a fan of therapy for many reasons, but I don't particularly think that you have to uncover every trauma in your life to be able to move forward.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
The career change that I made, in fact, was to coaching. So coaching tends to be more forward looking or, you know, sort of positive looking unless there's some kind of major trauma. I don't think it's necessary to dig everything up in like years of psychotherapy. But there are some sort of. models in science that can be quite useful for people, whether it could just be self-discovery.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So there's one called Ghosts in the Executive Suite. And that talks about the childhood systems that you grew up in and the fact that the wiring that was embedded in the first seven and then also the first 14 years of your life is are likely to be very non-conscious now in adulthood, but still driving a lot of your behaviors.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And so the business side of that is called in the executive suite, because it's looking at CEOs who are behaving in a certain way because of those, but it can apply to anyone's life. And it looks at things like the boundaries and the values and the secrets and the sort of identities that you had as a child.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So, you know, you may have had a home where everyone was welcome to drop in and they would just be added into the family meal and they could stay the night. And I may have been, you know, grown up in a home where you had to plan everything in advance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
If someone was coming over, then, you know, people would make sure there was enough food and make sure that a bed was made in advance and all this kind of thing. And then values tends to be a lot around money. So you may have grown up in a household where people say money is a bad thing. It's not good to have too much of it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Even in many religions, they say that if you're excessively wealthy, that your chances of going to heaven are kind of lower. So there's a lot of that rhetoric in our society. Identification is about things like, oh, you're just like your father or you're just like, you know, your uncle used to be. Secrets is we never talk about that alcoholic uncle kind of thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And roles include things like were you the peacemaker, were you the go-between? And all of those sorts of things may influence you later in life without you realizing it. But there is self-exploration and, you know, other work that you can do with people to help you uncover that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And also the really good news is that Freud talked about stages of child psychosocial development and things like trauma, neglect, abandonment, separation from parents, illness, and described in great detail what would go wrong with you for the rest of your life if you experienced any of those things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And then later, a psychologist called Erickson came along and talked about the vice and the virtue. So he said, if you have a childhood trauma at a certain age, then this is what could go wrong. But this is also your opportunity for something to go really right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And what I find is that a lot of the CEOs or really successful entrepreneurs that I work with had their first childhood disruption between the ages of five and seven. where the vice and the virtue are inferiority or industry. And industry meaning hard work, so being industrious.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So that means if you did have a trauma at that age, then you could either spend the rest of your life feeling inferior and undeserving, Or you could say, I'm going to work so hard. I'm going to get myself out of this situation of poverty forever. I'm going to be self-sufficient. I'm going to be financially independent.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
You know, and there's several other, there's trust, mistrust and, you know, other kind of vices and virtues that people can look up. It's all on the internet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
But I think what often happens with those people is that, you know, life's just okay. Life's fine. You're married, you know, your kids are healthy. You're going to this, you know, sort of regular day job. And you've kind of forgotten what you dreamed of when you were a child. What you're, you know, maybe you've just given up your real passion because...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
It's fine to have this kind of quite easy life. And often it does take a later disruption like a divorce or a bereavement to really make people rethink that. So, you know, a big example that affected a lot of people is the financial crisis.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So a lot of people in financial services lost their jobs and then said, actually, I always wanted to be a teacher or a journalist, but I also wanted a more expensive lifestyle. So I didn't make that choice. And now I have the opportunity to do what I really want to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So I guess it depends on how you define wealth, because wealth can be having a lot of money, but it can also be waking up every day and doing what you love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
As you know, I grew up in North London and I was the oldest child of first generation immigrant parents. So I always felt like I was bridging two worlds. You know, I went to school, I didn't have any Indian friends and I just wanted to fit in with my friends and then I would come home. And obviously we would have like the altars and the incense and the ceremonies and the rituals and everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Mm-hmm. I just want to go back to something because I only actually twigged when you said Tara and Jay that my brother's name is Jay. Oh, no way. Yeah. And I hadn't put it together like that. And I wanted to say something that he said to me when I changed career. And I was like in my mid-30s then. He said the best time to plant an acorn was 200 years ago, but the second best time is now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So for anyone that's saying it's too late, you know, I regret things. I think that's a really amazing saying. And then... Before you started really like posing your question and I understood like where you were going with it, I thought, oh, I wanted to tell you about at the start of the pandemic when I said I sort of like saw that I thought there could be a really big mental health crisis.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Quite quickly, I would say within like a month or two, I thought this is also an opportunity for a spiritual revolution or evolution. And so in all the research I've done since kind of the end of the pandemic, the official end, I guess, which is more about ancient wisdom and neuroaesthetics, I believe that returning to ancient practices like chanting, humming, drumming, singing,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And neuroaesthetics is neuro arts. It's the science of why beauty and art and creativity and nature are so healthy for us. So if you immerse yourself in nature, if you spend time making or beholding creative things like either singing or going to listen to a concert or sketching or going to an art gallery,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
et cetera, that actually opens up your mind in a way that the modern world and all that noise around you that you've just described doesn't let us. So that allows a level of introspection. And there's so many other things in that category that, you know, one can do, but that really helps you to separate your inner voice from all the words around you that are telling you what you should do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And I also always say there's a certain age and it could be different for different people where there's no more should. You've got to an age now where what your parents said you should do or what you think you should do or what your friends are doing, it cannot be applicable forever because that is probably the one thing you'll regret on your deathbed, right? So...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Taking that time, but it is so hard because I still hear people saying, oh, I go for my nature walk, but I listen to a podcast at the same time. That's not giving you time for introspection. And I'm sure you're one of the few people that will agree with me that we aren't doing it enough or any being, we're just always doing. I often say to people, when do you sit down and actually do nothing?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And I think that people maybe, not if they know me well, but if they look at my career, would say she probably never sits down and does nothing. I do a lot of sitting down and doing nothing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Me too.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I think, you know, to access yourself... Nature is a massive mirror for us. So time and nature, you know, and the science for that in the last few years has just rocketed. Interestingly, at the same time, the science around having a purpose that transcends yourself. So not one that earns the money that you need to just live your life, not even one that just makes you happy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
and satisfied in yourself, but one that is more altruistic, is actually very expanding for our consciousness. And I think that's probably what we're really getting at, a conversation that I don't have with many people, but I feel like I could have with you, which is that we need to sort of be able to access...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And so, yeah, I would say for most of my childhood, I was living in two worlds. And then at the age of 18, I went to medical school and I think I moved very much away from our cultural heritage and just lived like a teenager. So on in their 20s at university. And I was at university for most of my 20s because I did medical school and a PhD, so nine years at university.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Altered states of consciousness to really understand what our soul's purpose is in this life. And breathwork is a great way of doing that too. Obviously, there's a popular sort of trend at the moment for plant medicine. And, you know, I'm watching the research on that at Johns Hopkins really carefully and there's a lot of positive stuff around it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
But what I'd really like to say to people is it's nothing that you can't achieve through time in nature, breath work, meditation, nourishing your body with really healthy food, sleeping really well, and crucially having that really like positive, meaningful community around you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I did do some research into near-death experiences and terminal lucidity and dark retreats. The original scientific interest in that was to understand the nature of consciousness more in terms of how separate it can be from the body. So if we look at the research on near-death experiences, then we see that people who... had the physical signs that as a medical doctor, I would say they were dead.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So whether it was the amount of time that your heart had stopped beating or your brainwaves had gone flat, have then somehow, which we can't explain, been able to become conscious in that body again and describe an experience that they've had whilst...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Around the time that I became a doctor, yoga was becoming quite popular in society. So I sort of returned to that and I would say that reignited my interest in our cultural heritage. And But then still, I would keep it very separate from my work. So I was working in the NHS. You know, that really wasn't very holistic. But at home, I was eating in an Ayurvedic way and doing yoga.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
seemingly not in their body what's really interesting about that research is you don't have to have had that experience yourself because people will say well you know okay that's great for those people if it made them understand their soul's purpose but we can't all have that although you actually can if you go and do a dark retreat which is why i then looked into those and you know in the um ancient cultures like the greeks and egyptians they used to bury people for days
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
to mimic death. And then when they uncovered them, they were the people that became like the mystics and the seers of those communities. So again, just things that we've forgotten. But if you, you know, there's an amazing book called After by Dr. Bruce Grayson.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Or if you just like look into the research around near-death experiences, most common themes that people say are, I feel more compassionate. I feel more connected. I feel more grateful. I want to do things to help people. and I just see beauty in everything that's around me, and that's supported by the modern science of neuroaesthetics. We can all choose to do that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
We don't have to have a near-death experience to do that. If we're living more like that, then I think we get a greater clarity around the reason that we were put on this earth. I mean, I think the biggest blessing any of us could have is to wake up one day and think, I know why I was put onto this earth. I know what I need to be doing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And it's not always going to be necessarily the thing that just gives you personal satisfaction. You know, it could be your calling could be something quite different to that. Terminal lucidity is super, super interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I mean, I did my PhD in neuroscience because I thought I wanted to become a neurologist, but then I became a psychiatrist, which is also super fascinating in terms of things like you can hear voices that aren't there and your mood can change, like, you know, not in your control. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
But internal lucidity is when people who either have had dementia for a significant period of time or have had a stroke, and so parts of their brain are physically altered or damaged, chemically or physically, and they have lost the personality and level of consciousness that their closest friends and family knew in them, can suddenly become completely lucid.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So we've got stories of parents who no longer recognize their children and their grandchildren. just suddenly saying one day, oh, Jay, darling, come here. I want to give you a motherly message. And it's usually a sign that they will pass away within one to 24 hours.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
But there's no physical explanation for how they could know the names and react in a completely maternal or paternal way towards an adult child that they didn't recognize for several years. Right. So that starts to make you think, are we actually that connected to our body? And if we're not, what does that mean? And I don't have all the answers, but yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Well, I was just, I was just going to say, it makes you think that what happens in this life and in this physical world and on this material plane is can't be the be all and end all of everything. And if it's not, what does that mean about how I want to live? And to me, that brings me back to, I want to live a life that's guided by love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And, you know, I don't mean romantic love by that necessarily, although that could be included. If I've got a dilemma, if I've got a difficult decision to make. If I'm feeling like I'm in a really challenging situation, then I always go back to love and gratitude.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And I've now included observing beauty as part of that too, because what they're all doing is moving us into the oxytocin state, which is our highest state and really the only state from which we can live our best life. So it's really about doing everything that you can to move yourself away from stress and towards love. And
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And overly listening to that chatter around you is pretty much going to do the opposite. So it is a little bit about liberating ourselves from that, I think, at least for moments.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And some time passed and these things came more into our culture anyway. But still, at the time that I wrote The Source, it was a risk for me as an MIT professor to start speaking about manifestation and visualization and meditation and things like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Well, you know, I have this thing about if I don't know the exact answer, I always take it back to evolution. Sure. So what we know about our ancestors was that they had scarce resources and it was all about survival and reproduction. So in terms of like what was our life's purpose then, it was literally live long enough to have children and pass on your genes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And then it didn't matter if you got eaten by a saber-toothed tiger. But those same ancestors who naturally in their life to survive, walked barefoot in nature, sat around a fire at night, looked at the stars in the sky at night, also chose with those scarce resources to make cave paintings, to dance around that fire, to sing, to hum, to drum, to chant. And we don't know why.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
But the only conclusion that we can draw is that there was a survival benefit. And what we know now is, and again, some of these activities are luxuries, I completely get that. But when we make or behold any of those activities, the brain becomes more hyper-connected. We get the benefit of novel experiences.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
We open up more connections in the creative parts of our brain, which actually allow us to solve complex problems better, to think more flexibly, to override our biases and regulate our emotions better, all of which are obviously survival advantages.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Um, because if you think about just, you know, on the very most basic level, the implication of that in a relationship, you know, if, if we were in a relationship and I was much more able to regulate my emotions, to solve problems with you, to like overcome any biases that I might have about the way that you're behaving, it's obviously the relationship's going to survive better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And one of the pieces of research I've really looked into from the neuro aesthetics is called shared trait vulnerability. And it's about the fact that people with psychopathologies like schizophrenia also tend to be more creative than the general population.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So if you think about some of the symptoms of psychotic illnesses, it includes things like magical thinking, altered states of consciousness, you know, perhaps access to, I want to put this really carefully, you know, sort of
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
data and signs that we are choosing to ignore in the real world because our brain is filtering out information to help us survive, you know, as people who don't have a mental health issue. So one hypothesis could be that you could use creativity and all of those things are creative things to open up more of your consciousness.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
But writing it really, for me, actually brought those two things together and made me think I don't have to keep my personal life separate from my professional life. And I have to say thank you to everyone that the response to it then took that even further. As we were discussing, we both had books out around that time, couldn't really do world promo because of the pandemic.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And if you have a high IQ and you're mentally resilient, but you can also do that, I just think it's so exciting to think about what we could do with our minds that, again, is probably stuff that we knew that we've forgotten, but in our lifetimes or in the modern world, we haven't been practicing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And that is also one of the hypotheses that comes out of the research on near-death experiences, which is that our brains are actually filtering down our minds rather than the other way around.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So our consciousness is capable of a lot more than what our brain allows us to do to survive in this material world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Well, the easiest way for me to like demonstrate that to you is it allows for more when you take psychedelic or plant medication.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And we know that a lot of like Kriya breathwork, for example, allows some altered states of consciousness and so does other breathwork. Time and nature alone can, you know, allow some altered states of consciousness or expansion of our consciousness. So... So clearly it can. And I don't know if we're afraid of it or there's some kind of survival or societal mechanism that prevents it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I mean, if you think about the tides in interest in psychedelics and how it's been shut down every time. It does make you wonder about the reasons for that. It's so interesting to be in one of these rising tides at the moment and see what actually happens.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Oh, the Mayan ruins.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
But very early on in the pandemic, I thought, oh, no, there's going to be a huge mental health crisis. And it was so unprecedented. I thought, what can I offer that isn't already available to people? But I will caveat that by saying I think all of the ancient wisdom and knowledge that I try to apply to modern mental health problems is it's just things that we've forgotten.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I mean, that's the feeling I got, you know, when I thought that things were just going to go downhill for humanity. I kind of quite quickly thought there's an opportunity for it to like evolve to another level. And personally, being a medical doctor and a scientist, I look at people like Deepak Chopra, Daniel Siegel, Bruce Lipton.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And, you know, because they're quite a lot older than me, I remember thinking, you know, when I was still a doctor that how could they be saying some of the things that they're saying? And like, I don't think I would ever be able to say that in my career, but I've just said some of the things that I've just said to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And I just wanted to add that again, in my research, I completely agree with what you said about certain places, but apparently there's three ways of seeing like a thinning of the veil, if you like, you know, let's say we, let's just hypothesize that we believe that there are spiritual planes or astral planes. Have you seen that Disney movie Cocoa?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Coco is about the Mexican Day of the Dead.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So that's obviously an example of a time of year when the veil is thin. But a lot of people around the world believe that some of the places that you've described and Ibiza and Hawaii are vortexes where the veil is thin and you can maybe like access a different spiritual plane in yourself or, you know, perhaps even more tangibly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
and then there are also certain people so you know obvious examples of the Dalai Lama and I know people who've been touched by him physically touched by him have said that they saw the interconnectedness of everything and it changed the way that they live their life so I think what you and I are really like saying here is that there are certain things activities that we can indulge in that can change the way that you look at life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And I mentioned dark retreats, which I don't think a lot of people have heard of, but obviously silent retreats are a way of doing that, that more people, I think, you know, have heard of.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Yeah so I will tell you that but what I do now which is just much more accessible to people is I just listen to chanting on I found a YouTube channel I just listened to I have it on in the background I don't particularly chant myself now to be honest but if you've got it on in the background then it's creating a certain like vibration and resonance just in your home which just literally you know it's nothing magical it's through sound waves is having an impact on we see that sound can have an impact on water and we're mostly made up of water so
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
It's having an impact on you. And what actually happens in your heart and your brain is something called entrainment. So particularly in the research shows that groups of people who are together, who are subjected to either chanting or certain pulsations of light, that their heart rates and their brainwaves will synchronize.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And this makes them much more likely to cooperate, to see themselves as not other, and basically to just be in that oxytocin state of love and trust more than anything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
It's not anything new, but it's about bringing, you know, finding those things. It's like gold mining. and bringing them to people and saying, this could really help you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Really?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I saw your face when you went like this because you were like, oh, okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
One of you will kind of fall in, you know, or you both do it. Same with the dancing. But once you're doing that, your heart rate and your brainwaves will change accordingly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So those things I think are kind of a given, the two examples that you've just stated. But we know that now most of this research is done in voles. They're quite cute. They're rodents, but they're quite cute. But it's also been done in humans, which is, for example, that if you see your partner in distress, your cortisol levels will go up, your heart rate will go up, you will start sweating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I can relate. Yeah. you will then seek to move towards your partner and soothe them with physical touch. We know that people who are in hospital in pain, that when their partner physically touches them, that their heart rate decreases, their blood pressure decreases, and they are in less pain.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
pain if the couple are you know a really like well-bonded couple there's lots of bits of research around that so it's definitely both the fact that if you you know do things together like time in nature or chanting or dancing that that will make you more coherent it's also the fact that when you
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
see or experience lack of coherence with you know and especially the partner who's seeing the other one kind of out of coherence that there is a move to go towards them and soothe them and it's an involves physical touch which like i said can reduce pain in your partner you you kind of talked about these two ideas of and even what we're talking about now is this
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So I just want to go back and just like clarify something. So the stress hormone cortisol correlates with five emotions, which we will experience if we're under stress. So that's fear, anger, disgust, shame and sadness. And then the bonding hormone oxytocin correlates with love, trust, joy and excitement. And in between those two is surprise, which correlates with noradrenaline.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And it can flip people from one side to the other quite quickly. So like, you know, sort of, you know, when like someone jumps out at you from behind the door. But the more positive side of that is if you ask me a really surprising question and it made me think really differently, then it could make me stop being nervous and think, oh, wow, this is really interesting. I'm curious.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Let's go down this road. So the thing about those two ends of the spectrum is that they're like a seesaw, so they can't coexist at the same time. So the more you have trained your brain to go into the oxytocin mode, the less of the time it can possibly be in the stress mode.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Physical exercise is something that we see if we use heart rate variability technology, that after you've done physical exercise, there's a time period where you're actually in a non-phase, but you cannot be stressed. So there are things that we can do. I know you're talking about really difficult situations for people. You know, how do you infuse that with love?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
But I wonder if that's bringing us back. almost full circle to manifestation and visualization, which is that with all the forms of loss that I see people going through, loss of sense of self, can't trust yourself, breakdown of relationships at home, at work, in community, and even loss through death.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
If we believe some of the things that you and I have just spoken about, like from near-death experiences and terminal lucidity, then I think that's the reason that it's important to expand your consciousness and have more spiritual beliefs because there is a choice there too to make a gift out of a really bad situation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I can completely see why people's lives get ruined by a loss and they feel regretful and bitter for the rest of their life. But I also think that it's possible if you can find some kind of legacy or learning or gift to make something good come out of the bad thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Yeah, and what I found really interesting is that it would be one thing if you and I sat here and talked about our own cultural heritage. But what I found is that if you look at the ancient Greeks, ancient Egyptians, Babylon, and all sorts of other ancient cultures, the first Americans, that there are so many similar themes of the things that keep us healthy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And I think there's another point from both of them and also Nelson Mandela, which is about the mental prison that we create. And I know that Viktor Frankl spoke about that a lot, but I really love the quote from Mandela where he says, I knew when I walked away from prison that if I didn't let go of my bitterness, I would be in prison for the rest of my life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And I find all of those things really inspiring. And I've looked at a lot of the science that we've discussed today and to help myself understand how you can possibly override that when there are so many difficult things in life and to try to bring that information to people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And really, and I'm not just saying this, that's why I was so thrilled when you invited me to come onto your podcast, because I think, you know, you've just got such an amazing platform and I, and I'm just so grateful to you for letting me like, you know, share some of my findings.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Well, I think it's broadly covered by a lot of the topics that we've mentioned, but I think the tension that I'm interested in is how far you take these things. Because as you well know, you could take these things so far that you just like run off into the wilderness and become a monk and then just disengage from real life, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I think what I'm really curious about is how far do you take these things and until you get to a point where you have some level of understanding or potentially enlightenment where you can live this life to the fullest. That I'm obsessed with at the moment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Yeah, exactly. I think that's just another way of saying what I was trying to say.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And such new science, as if it's just been discovered in the last year or two, like things like connection to nature, I mean, how are we not understanding that for so long? I think because there were no planes in the sky and less traffic and our time in nature, in this country anyway, was limited. People were allowed like a one hour walk outside during the day at some points.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Well, I think something I just picked up from you that I think is really, really inspiring for me and I'm sure for many others is where you've talked about that beautiful but difficult journey. I think if you were sitting here saying, I figured it out and now I want to help others, I don't think I would have had the same feeling towards you at all.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And it just made me think, because I feel like I'm kind of interested in a lot of things at the moment and going down some rabbit holes and...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
don't necessarily know like you know where it's going to end up that maybe that's the beautiful thing maybe that's better than me coming here and saying let me tell you everything I know about neuroscience you know so yeah I don't know where I'm going with that but I know I'm going to think about that overnight because I'm very reflective but that really touched me actually to to
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
think that there isn't some golden nugget that you've got to come up with at the end. It's actually, you know, what you delve into and are curious about and where you go and how easy or difficult it is. I think that's actually like what the thing is for people. So now if only I could remember any of the other things that you said.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
The appreciation of nature grew. And then suddenly, as if from nowhere, comes out the science that time in nature helps your mental health, your physical health, your longevity. It boosts your immunity. That there's just an impact of that awe-inspiring science. sort of feeling of being in beautiful nature on the way that your brain works.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And so I think it's like, you know, that phrase healer heal thyself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I think that I've never understood that phrase in the way that I have until you said what you just said, which is that you kind of create like an elixir that you can share with others if you actually do that. If you keep just trying to impart what you think you know,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I don't think that has, I'm going to say it, I'm not sure it has like much effect at all, but I think if you can impart a feeling of what you went through, I think that has much more power. And I'm going to move on quite swiftly because I just remembered another thing I wanted to say. So you were talking about the noise around us, but also earlier we were talking about
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
all these ancient practices, a lot of which come from our culture and maybe don't come from other people's cultures. I'll tell you the one thing I do that expands my consciousness the most, that is the easiest thing that anyone can do from any culture. Do you want to guess what it is?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
digital detox. So I don't watch the news anyway, but obviously I am aware of the most important things that are going on in the world because I've got people around me that make sure I stay informed. And that does not mean I make other people watch the news. It's just that my family will tell me if I need to like look into something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
But when I do digital detoxes, which I usually do, if I take two, three, four weeks off over like Christmas and new year, That is the biggest change for me in terms of my mental space, my perception of time, how creative I become.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
At that time, I may also be probably spending a lot of time in nature and kind of doing more of the kinds of exercise that I love to do, like swimming in the sea and stuff like that. But that one thing alone makes a noticeable difference for me. And it does take some time. Doing a weekend is great. Please do that if you can't do anything else. But
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
If you can give it some more time, I noticed towards the end, I just become like super creative.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So like so much modern science that is actually not one of those things that's new.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I mean, that's a very difficult question to answer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
No, it's not that I don't want to. I mean, it's difficult for me because I have to put my scientist head on if I'm going to answer that question, which is that clearly God brings a lot of comfort to a lot of people. And probably you could argue that it can't be disproven that God exists. But with the science that we have at our fingertips at the moment, it can't be proven.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So I have nothing against people, you know, having that as their primary source of comfort and guidance in life. But I can't give you any evidence that such a thing exists.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
No, I wouldn't count it as proof. And I would say that the person who described that in the biggest detail to me, who's someone that I really trust, who's a positive psychologist, said, I had what I can only describe as a godlike experience. I don't think anyone can really say more than that. The people with the near-death experiences often talk about something similar as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And there are some common themes like a tunnel of white light, a being that's more full of love than anything you've ever experienced. It does tend to hold archetypes depending on what religious or cultural background you come from. Not always, but mostly. So... Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Again, I'm curious, you know, I'm curious, but I'm always going to be that person that is very happy to go down a rabbit hole, but will also say that this is the end of what we know, like currently. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
That's what we think. But I think if we even believe that hypothesis, there must be more that we can do to try to go there. And I will say that science does say that a sort of a healthy, moderate amount of
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
There's a few. You can say all of them. Okay, so one is particularly to do with writing because the first time I had to write up my PhD and then every time I've written a book since then, which I'm actually doing at the moment, I struggle. So somebody said to me, just write something. And I think that's quite an important metaphor for life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Like you just have to start, you have to put one foot forward, you know, and then it's much easier than looking at a blank page. And then the other one, I think, which I didn't really understand at the time, but is kind of where I am now is follow your heart.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I think at the time I was probably in my late 20s or early 30s and I thought you can't live life like that. You've got to do the right thing with your career. And, you know, I sort of worried about what my parents would think. But now I just, I believe that if you do that, you can't go wrong.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Um, I'm not going to say it's the worst advice, but I'm, I'm going to say that the concept around it is perhaps flawed in a way that again, I understand differently now, which is that when I was at school, high school, my English teacher said to me, you're so good at drama that you should read English Oxford and go to RADA and you could become an actress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Now in those days, there were no like Indian actors or actresses in like the Western world, really. And so my father said over my dead body and you will go to medical school. I've obviously had a very privileged education.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I'm very pleased to be where I am now, but I just wonder what could have happened if I'd actually been supported in that because I'm not doing medicine now and I'm way more successful now in something that, you know, my parents couldn't have imagined. So I just think this clipping of the wings of children, I think is bad advice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
A hundred percent. I did. How? I did it with my vision board.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So I had been divorced for quite a few years and I'd basically become a workaholic and I'd had a lot of success with vision boards for my work. And then I remember just slightly thinking, I think I'm using my work to run away from love again. And then I just pushed that thought aside.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Then the following year I thought, okay, I'm going to put this tiny little heart on my vision board, but it's all going to be about business and travel. And so nothing changed. And then I really thought to myself, okay, Tara, if you believe in this manifestation, if you really, really believe in it, you've got to prove it to yourself that you can manifest love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So I put this like huge engagement ring on the top left corner of my vision board. I never usually put phrases on it, but I was looking through magazines and I saw this phrase that said, joy comes out of the blue. It was actually a Tiffany advert. Yeah. I just loved it. So I put it like on the top of my board and the various other things. So I did that for 2015.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And actually nothing had happened by the end of 2015. But February 2016, I met the person who was to become my husband on a plane. So that's out of the blue in the sky. And we got engaged that year and then married the following year.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I think it's a lot to do with this noise around us that you talked about. So I think a lot of it is at a certain stage of life where you just think that's what you should be doing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And personally, I will go with a theme that you sort of alluded to as well, which is that I think people are going for a lot of external characteristics when they actually should be going for like values and, you know, what the human being is actually like and what the relationship would be like rather than the material things that surround it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
I love the way you've kind of segued that from nature into manifestation because a few things here. One thing is if you just observe nature, you see manifestation all the time. You know, you see a flower growing from a bud into a fully formed flower and then its petals starting to fall. You see trees growing, you know, all sorts of things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And the other connection there is that creating the environment within yourself and around yourself is to allow things like manifestation to happen. And that basically means, at the simplest level, that you set a goal. You say, this is what I want my life to be like, or this is a specific thing I want in my life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And then there's a process that leads that to potentially manifesting in the real world. But I do agree with one of those skepticism points, which is that you can't sit at home and think about it. So I've been really, really clear about saying that manifestation is not creating a fantasy and then waiting for it to come true with no action from yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So I actually renamed vision boards action boards as if to say that, yes, create imagery that represents what you want, but then you have to be doing something every day to move yourself closer to that action.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Whether it's being healthier just so that your brain's in a better environment or it's networking or dating or saving money, whatever it is that's going to get you, let's say, the house that you want. A great example is people might say, of course, I'd love a house in the Hamptons.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
But if that's not realistic for you in the short term, then you'll only reinforce the fact that you're failing at manifesting. So it's better to say, I'd like to be on the property ladder and start there and then obviously build bigger.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
There's a lot to unpack here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So in terms of the motivation to make it really easy for people to understand, I called it magnetic desire, which is something that is so emotionally driven for you personally.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
and aligned with, you know, what's logically doable in your life and what your intuition tells you and, you know, what your creative brain can help you to achieve, that if you have magnetic desire for something, then, you know, I always say, if you follow your passion, you will be successful. But I'm mindful that that statement
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
and even your one of, I just want to wake up and do what I love, are extremely privileged statements. So with manifestation, one of the criticisms is that, you know, that's a luxury for people who already have, you know, more than what they need. And then they can say, oh, well, I would love, you know, to do this or have this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And so I think what I've learned in where I have ever felt slightly defensive around that statement is that that whoever you are, wherever you are, there is one tiny thing that you could do to make your life better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
And it's the micro changes that build you up to getting to a point where maybe you can actually do something that you love rather than do what you have to do to put food on the table for your children.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
But having said that, if your ideas for what you want to manifest are things like, well, all my friends are getting married and having a family, so I want to get married and have a family, rather than I've really thought about what I want to do and my passion and purpose might mean that I have to delay having a family and that's okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
It's more likely to work out with the second one than the one that's kind of too guided by parental expectations, societal expectation, career aspirations. So I do think people have to dig deeper for manifestation to really work well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
being said because it not just sounds good but that maybe there's a couple of case studies but there's more than that so there's two main sort of um areas around that one is the sort of six themes that i narrowed down from the 12 laws of attraction that i could explain with cognitive science which is neuroscience and psychology
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So when I first started that research, I saw that there wasn't even agreement over what the laws of attraction were or how many there were. So I thought, okay, let me distill this down to like something that makes sense to me and then like see what we can do with it. So the first one is abundance because one of the strongest gearings in the brain is loss avoidance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So to survive when we lived in the cave, we had to stay safe rather than take risk. Now, for most of us who are lucky enough to live in the modern world and have basic safety around us, it's healthier for us to be willing to take risk.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
You know that feeling of I'm trying to manifest but nothing's happening? Manifestation is not creating a fantasy and then waiting for it to come true with no action from yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So you actually have to override that ancient wiring of the brain, which says, no, don't go and fly to London and try to have meetings with lots of different people who may not want to meet you. Stay in L.A. because that's safer and you've got your community around you and you know you've got a big network.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
So for you to say, well, I'm going to go to a new, I know it's not, it was your home, but in terms of like recent work, you know, kind of take a bit of a risk, take a week out there, you know, see who I can interview. That is you overriding that part of your brain that might say it would just be easier for me to stay in LA. So it's as simple as that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
It can obviously be a lot harder than that as well, but it's understanding that your brain will do quite a lot to stop you from taking risk. It's two and a half times as strongly wired to avoid risk. as it is to gain reward.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
Say that part again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
It's two and a half times more strongly wired to avoid risk than is to get a reward. Wow. It's about believing that there are enough resources out there for everyone and that by perhaps entering a new career pool or a new community of people, that it doesn't mean that you're likely to fail if you've managed to be in an abundant state. Because what that does in the brain
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Tara Swart: 4 Brain Hacks To Manifest Anything Into Your Life (Science-Backed Method!)
is it moves the brain away from the fear and shame kind of states, which correlate with the stress hormone cortisol, to the love and trust and joy and excitement states, which correlate with the bonding hormone oxytocin. Now, when your brain is in that state, it's much more likely to take a healthy risk. It's much more likely to ask someone for a favor.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah, you are right. I've seen the abusive for sure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I've seen a lot of men who feel like they just want a submissive partner who does what they want when they want. And...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah, it's so interesting you said that because I was thinking about, so my mom was the breadwinner in my house and she did everything for me and my sister. And my dad was aloof. He was kind of checked out. And it's so interesting you said the male role model piece because two things happened for me. One thing was my male role models were monks who were really good men.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
And then on the other side, I saw my mom's strain and struggle and pain. And that made me want to be a better man. But that's because she was vulnerable with me about it. So because I could see that my mom didn't have an easy life, I was convinced that when I got married, if I ever got married, that I would never let my wife work that hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah, I love that perspective. And it's such a fine line. And I would argue that probably while I was dating, I was that kind of guy. It was only when I got married to Radhi did I upgrade to actually realizing that I needed my partner to also pursue her purpose, discover what it was, understand it. And that took a while. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Isn't that so heartbreaking?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Because that was love in its best form. If someone was patient while you healed and they supported you, like aren't we moving away from love if we leave someone who is there for us in our darkest times?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah, that makes so much sense.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I love that unconscious contract. Yeah, you're so right that if you're doing it just to say, look, I was there for you. I was there the whole time. You should love me more now. People sense that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
How do you communicate to someone that you're there for the right reasons?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
You know what, I love talking to you because there's just everything you're talking about is like getting into the real like nuance. Like there's this gray layer of in-between of all these ideas and that's really what makes all the difference. But first, here's a quick word from the brands that support the show.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. All right. Thank you to our sponsors. Now let's dive back in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
As I'm listening to you, the question that's coming to my mind is, we all seem to think we know why men cheat on women. Why do women cheat on men?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
What's the worst thing to say to someone who's just gone through a breakup?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
So what does he do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
What can a woman do to make sure a man doesn't cheat on her?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
That's all it really takes. Wow. This is without a doubt my favorite relationship episode we've ever done. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Today's guest is going to help us do just that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
What happens when someone is not in an abusive way, but they are disrespecting you, you make them aware that they're disrespecting you in a assertive way, but they keep doing it. What do you do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
We're so scared of being alone and we're so scared of not being with someone that I think we continue to accept that disrespect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah, I mean, when I'm listening to you talk about the type of man that women want and the fact that if he's too much of a pushover, too sensitive, too much of a walkover, they lose respect, they may cheat.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
That's a great three-step formula. And I think so much of the time we get so hooked on the attraction part.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
That we overvalue it compared to the other two. So if he's not six foot four and he's not got, you know, a particular colored hair or whatever it is, right? Like the physical appearance becomes so much more overvalued than the other two.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
the admiration piece becomes so overvalued. So if he's not making enough money, he's not, how do you kind of look at them as, are they equal? Are they overvalued?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
She is Sadia Khan, a renowned psychotherapist and former psychology teacher whose bold viral insights on modern relationships, masculinity, and emotional healing have earned her a global following. Known for her no-nonsense approach, Sadia helps men and women navigate infidelity, identity, and intimacy with clarity and strength.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I think the key part of that is, though, what you just said in regards to your own husband, is it's about how you feel.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
And I think the challenge, going back to what we were talking about earlier, is so many of our expectations of our partner are based on, like, do my friends like them? Yeah. Do they have a good, you know, online presence?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Are they successful at their job compared to... And it's like, you can only look at it through your angle because you could compare forever and no matter how successful your partner is, they'd always be second to someone else out there in the world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I think that's my favorite checklist I've ever had.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
It's simple, but it's really powerful because it's not just a random checklist. It's things you could actually observe in how you feel. And you're right, it's all three.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Because often the admiration piece just over clouds the other stuff. And I always say to someone, you're not marrying someone's resume. You're not dating someone's bank balance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
So those are the three A's for women. What about for men?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Sadia's mission is to empower people to reclaim their confidence, understand themselves and others, and build real, lasting love. Please welcome to On Purpose, Sadia Khan.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
And they need to feel loyal to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah. No, no, it makes a lot of sense. I'm thinking about just, I feel like you've totally reframed what people should be looking for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Let me think on that. It's a great question.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Well, I mean, it goes back to what we were saying earlier. You told us why women cheat.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
This is why men cheat.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
No, I think you've hit the core root things that people are looking for and how they show up is always different.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
And I think that's why I was saying earlier, it feels like you've hit the core at the root of what's needed. Trying to. I don't think you've missed anything. I'm just sitting with it. But I think anything that I would say are only things that...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
are part of those part of those like for example you know the loyalty piece includes respect yeah like both people are looking for respect I think that the loyalty piece includes like they believe in your goals and you believe in theirs like There's root causes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Well, Sadia, the feeling's mutual. I've been loving following you for the past couple of years. And I can't wait to have this conversation with you because I think you present such a counterintuitive, refreshing, challenging view on love. And I appreciate it. So let's dive straight in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah. That's how you avoid being the fling.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
What's the difference between the woman a man dates and the woman a man marries?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Do you know what the amazing thing is? As I was listening to you, I was thinking about men don't learn that anywhere.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Like if I never lived as a monk, I wouldn't have any sense control.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I mean, a big part of it is sense control. Like you don't, you don't, you eat what you're given. You celebrate while you're there. There's complete focus and determination on the path. And so there were so many amazing mental mastery tools that I gained in terms of discipline and organization that I don't know where else I would have learned them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I want to ask you, if someone applied... your teachings that you're about to share with us in the next couple of hours, what would they overcome?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I don't think so.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I just feel bad because I can't think of... It's the opposite, actually.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Wow. That mic drop. That's so powerful. As I'm listening to you, I'm just sitting here thinking how much there is a need in helping men realize that mental mastery, sense control, discipline are what's going to find the right person. But I think the problem is men also believe that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
That if they're the life of the party, if they're the big spender, if they're the big guy at the party, that's what's going to attract the right person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
What's your take on women sleeping with men too early?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
How would you define psychological intimacy versus like, we're just excited by being together?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Before we dive into the next moment, let's hear from our sponsors.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
And now let's get back to the episode. I like the idea that physical intimacy should follow the pace of psychological intimacy because then there's actual closeness and you're not using physical closeness as a substitute for actually having a deeper, meaningful connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah, it's hard, isn't it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
And you shouldn't lower your standards.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Everything you're saying is, in my opinion, is spot on. It's such great advice. And I really hope everyone who's listening is taking notes because there's so much that you're sharing that I think you're so clear in your approach. I think it's really practical. I think it will connect. But I've heard you say before that if someone cheats on you, it's partly your fault.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
And I wanted to hear your take on that to understand that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I love that. So people are going to select better. They're going to attract better and they're going to stay in the right relationship. Let's start with the first one. Most people I speak to feel like they keep attracting people who are unavailable, people who don't want to commit, people who don't have the emotional capacity for connection. Why is it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
That's where the gaslighting comes in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah, people get gaslit.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
What I'm hearing from you is if you pay attention to the signs that you're seeing, you don't let yourself be in a position where you're taken advantage of.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah, every relationship has a rhythm, it has a pattern. And when the pattern's off, you check in. I think one of the things I see in relationships struggling, especially as they get longer term, is we don't recommit. So life changes, right? Me and Radhi had a dating life. When we got married, we had to recommit to a different way of living.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
When we got married and we lived in New York, we had to recommit to a different way of living. We moved to LA, different way of living. It's almost like I've dated so many different people in Radhi. As in she's evolved, she's changed. And same back at me probably to some degree. But I think we don't like it when our partner changes. And we almost want them to stay the same or...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I've heard maybe you say before that we almost want our... The guy wants the woman to never change.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
And the woman wants the man to change.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
What can a woman do to make sure a man doesn't cheat on her?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah, and it's not threatening people with it. It's actually doing it for real just once. Because I find like me and Radhi made a rule early in our relationship that we would never throw around the word divorce. We'd never throw around the word breakup. We'd never throw around any of these words that if you were to say it, you'd have to actually back it up and you'd actually have to be there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Because I didn't want to be in a relationship where these things were used as levers or used as kind of ammunition to get a reaction out of someone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
yeah it's it's uh it's such a fine line because yeah we sometimes like to in an argument in the heat of it you'll pretend to say it and that person knows that person still knows that you don't mean it yeah you're just making it up to get a reaction and it doesn't have any value it's
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
If a man cheats on a woman, can they recover?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
It's always hard because when people look at it from their own perspective, they're always like, but I was loving to you the whole time, right? That's generally our reaction. It's almost like, but I was good to you. And the other person's like, well, I didn't see it that way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah. What have you seen when you're, as you said, we started with this idea that men who've been cheered on by women, what have you seen the success rates of healing growth for that individual, even if they don't stay with the same person?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
And women, how is it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I want to shift to talking about the female client.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
The one who says, I want a man to commit, but he's not.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I think that's super common.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I think people are feeling like, hey, we're 30, we're mid-30s, we're 40. Why does he not want to commit?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Why do we feel more attracted to people who make us anxious and who are unavailable? Why is it that we think that they're the ones worth chasing?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
And what about for the woman who's waiting for him to commit? She's tried to have the conversation with him. He's not opening up. He can't really reflect on this idea that he wants to commit. What does she do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I'm glad you said that about ultimatums. I'm not a fan at all.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Same reason. I think if anyone has to be forced, for example, if a guy doesn't want to have a wedding and you force him to have a wedding, he'll resent it forever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
And that's just one day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
So let alone like having... and being in a marriage and all the rest of it. I just think that you can't force, if you have to force people into love and commitment, then it's not love and commitment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah, because the opposite of commitment is actually comfort. The point is they're comfortable and that's what they want. And so when you're forcing commitment, you're basically saying, I want you to be uncomfortable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Or they do it and then they're uncomfortable and then you get the blame.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Let's take a short break to hear from our sponsors.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
All right, thank you to our sponsors. Now let's dive back in. Can you save a bad relationship?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah, I think it's natural for relationships to go through ups and downs. It's pretty remarkable if a relationship is always hard because work comes up. I think having children is a huge one for people to stay connected during that time, travel. There's a million things that are going to happen. And all of it comes down to, am I communicating with that person and are they communicating with me?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
And I think we just haven't been trained to say, hey, when you're going through a change, Tell your partner and practice it when the changes are small. Like, hey, for the next three days, I've got a busy work period. Hey, for the next week, I've got a big presentation at work I'm preparing for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Like talk about those tiny things so that when you have big things like having kids or travel or parent issues, you're not as scared.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I do think picking is such a big part of it. It's so hard when going back to your three A's and your three L's. If someone's been with someone for 10 years now and the attractions faded naturally to some degree, they kind of admire them and they kind of get adoration to some degree. Yeah. and you already have kids together, you're not going to necessarily get divorced.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah, so unless it's toxic, abusive, exploitative.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah, it's interesting you just said both are toxic. Always wanting to be on a high is toxic.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
And naturally someone who treats you low is toxic. And so both of them can be toxic.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
As opposed to accepting that peace is a great place to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Sadia, what's the worst thing to say to someone who's just gone through a breakup?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
What about when you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with someone and they left you, they moved on, they didn't see it the same way, but you were convinced after a few years that this was going to be your person and you break up, what actually helps?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I think just spot on. When I'm listening to you, I'm thinking, if you want someone like anyone should who texts back within a decent amount of time, that's not an abnormal request.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
How do we get closure when the person doesn't give it to us?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah, and often their actions are so painful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
They break up with you over text. They don't want to talk to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
That difference between the soul and ego is so powerful. The hard part is... Most of us are living through our ego daily and not our soul. So to suddenly flip into soul living, not ego living in a breakup is extremely hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
How would you encourage people to think about that through steps and stages?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I was really happy that we started with the two core issues you go through with your clients. Because I think that even if it's not women cheating on men, it's men cheating on women, it's infidelity. And then this idea of commitment, which I think are two of the biggest things that everyone's struggling with. And then at the same time, talking about relationships at the top end of...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Obviously, a lot of people these days aren't even getting that far because they're meeting people on dating apps. And so you're swiping away. You might get into a conversation with two or three people. First of all, let's talk about this. You're not matching with anyone. Like no one, it doesn't feel like it's going that well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
attracting the three A's, the three L's.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I think a big part of it is also healing and retraining our own desires because... not everything you want is good for you. And sadly, the things that are good for you don't want them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
And so the sad part is you're attracted to the things that are bad for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Sadia, you've been amazing. We end every On Purpose episode with a final five. These have to be answered in one word, one sentence maximum. So Sadia Khan, these are your final five. Question number one, what is the best relationship advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Question number two, what is the worst relationship advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Great answer. Question number three, what's something that you think everyone believes to be true about love, but it's actually not true?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
That's a great answer. Question number four, What is something you used to believe was true about love, but recently you've disconnected with?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
What do you say to men and women who feel like they've been rejected a few too many times and they're losing that faith and ability to feel that there is someone out there for them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Fifth and final question. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Sadia Khan, thank you so much. Thank you. This is without a doubt my favorite relationship episode we've ever done. I don't believe you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
We're going to leave it on the edit. I honestly have never gone that deep into the nuances of, of why and who and where and just, I love the way you think about it. I really, really appreciate it. And I want everyone who's listening and watching to tag me and Sadia on Instagram, on TikTok with the moments that resonated with you, that connected with you, that things you're going to stop
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
doing from now on, things you're going to start doing, signs you're watching out for, because I want to see what you're putting into practice. If you don't follow Sadia across social media already, make sure you go and subscribe. I hope that it saves you from wasting time, money, and energy on the wrong person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
And I really, really hope that it helps you connect with true, meaningful, lasting love. Saadi, I'm so grateful to you again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr. Gabor Mate on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
It's so true. And I feel like what I'm thinking people are going to say is, well, why do I have to settle?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Yeah, it's so much of what you're talking about is just having awareness and honesty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Like there's such a need to be honest with ourselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
I mean, so many people on dating apps these days, their common experience is being ghosted. And I'm sure you've heard from a million people about feeling like, hey, we were having a good chat and this person just disappeared. What would be your advice to someone who feels like they've got ghosted?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
What are the signs when you are dating someone or you're starting to have those early conversations with people, do you think people miss but should be looking out for that shows signs of a healthy, positive relationship?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
And that second pattern can also be negative because you could just get into a relationship too quickly with someone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
What are the top three things that people you guide and coach and follow you on social media come to you for and say their number one issue is?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Let's talk about both of those things because they're both fascinating. So let's start with men not being masculine enough. What does that mean? Because I think for a long time we were hearing men are not feminine enough or men don't show their emotions or men can't have emotional connection. That's the issue. But you're actually saying it's the opposite.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sadia Khan: Stop Ignoring Red Flags! (How to Train Your Brain to Know When To Walk Away)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
And there's no saving them. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my on-purpose podcast live and in person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Yeah, I think listening to you, the idea of false compassion can be used so against us and an immature level of the development of empathy and compassion is easily taken advantage of.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
I mean, depends on the situation, but... How does a woman even begin to detect or notice the difference?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Wow, that's huge, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
And I feel that so much of our subscription to ideas of identity are somewhat subconscious and... I'm not sure anyone's ever, at least not that I know, the scale of people who are thinking about their life in a logical way to say, let me think about what my identity is. I think we join communities, we join groups, we leave communities, we leave groups, we sign up to this, we unsubscribe from that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
We don't even recognize that we're subconsciously crafting an identity by the people we spend time with and the people we listen to. It often isn't as... Implicitly. Yeah, it isn't as...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
How does a woman even begin to detect or notice the difference? Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place that you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Today's guest is someone that I've wanted to talk to for over six years, and I can't believe it's taken us this long to be in the same room for for that much time, but we are finally here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
No, I deeply appreciate the way you are analyzing and observing a religious text that can often be seen as a story, a lesson, a message, and actually looking at it as closely linked to human development. And part of my training, I did something similar with the Bhagavad Gita, which is the text of the East. And it's similar. There's a conversation between the divine Krishna or God.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
With Arjun, who's an archer, who has lost all self-belief and self-esteem because he's having to fight his family.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Oh, wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Absolutely. And in the beginning of the text, his bow is slipping from his hands because he's feeling sweaty, he's feeling nervous, he's feeling anxiety. Right. And therefore he turns to God for instruction and guidance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
You won't aim wrong. I guess it comes back down to in the same way that you talked about the call to adventure, almost feeling like the first step, at least from what I observed from what you were sharing. Maybe there are a lot of people listening today who may feel, Jordan Jay, I've never had the call to adventure. Like I've missed it. I haven't seen it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Even if it's there, I don't know where it is in my life. And that's why my life feels meaningless. I feel lost. I feel stuck. Yeah. Because I just don't see it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
And he said it to me a few moments ago that maybe this is the right time. And I always trust time in that sense and timing. So I'm very grateful to finally have on On Purpose, Dr. Jordan B. Peterson, author, psychologist, online educator, and professor at the University of Toronto. The Jordan B. Peterson podcast frequently tops the charts in the education category.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
And if you're not a subscriber, I promise you you'll want to be after this episode. Dr. Peterson has just launched Peterson Academy with hand-selected professors from top universities around the world. It's received an incredible amount of acclaim already. If you haven't checked it out, make sure you check it out after this episode.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
The false adventure seems to be so alluring and intoxicating in so many ways. And naturally, in the case that you're sharing, distracting as well. How does one avoid the allurements of a false adventure while they're still pursuing and uncovering?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Jordan has written three books, Maps of Meme-ing and Academic Work, presenting a new scientifically grounded theory of religious and political belief, and the best-selling 12 Rules for Life, one of my favorite books, and Beyond Order, which have sold more than 7 million copies. And Jordan's fourth book, We Who Wrestle with God, will be released this November.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Please welcome to On Purpose, Dr. Jordan B. Peterson. Jordan, it's great to honestly finally be with you. As I was saying to you, I was kindly introduced by my dear friend Lewis Howes to Michaela around six years ago, and that's when this conversation started. So I really appreciate you making the time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
I feel so many people today, I'm sure you hear this a lot as well, they feel that they're surrounded by toxicity, whether it's at home, whether it's at work, whether it's online. They feel like they're in a space where they can't become more, at least from their perspective.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Yeah, that reminds me of the kind of insidious traits that we also see present. So if you look at the examples of the ones that you just gave of the Hobbit, like Frodo Baggins, or you look at Harry Potter, both of them also experience the envy of their call to adventure. So there are others who envy their call to adventure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
And often you find that, again, while we don't have our call to adventure, we may envy someone else's.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
of uh compression yeah yeah how does how does one transform that if one is experiencing envy of another's call to adventure or envy of another one's path or success or reward from from god the universe wherever it's coming from how does one transform purify and rid themselves of that envy what does one do well there are part of what has historically constituted religious practice is
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Working on your own insufficiencies.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
What's the insufficiency that lets us down the most? Is there one that stands above all others? Pride.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
I feel often, going back to your point on pride, I feel often our views of how pride shows its face are quite superficial in that we think of things like ego and pride as bravado and arrogance and showing off. And those are quite immature, superficial views. They're true, but they're, you get what I'm saying, they're incomplete aspects.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
And I think today in the world, we see far more subdued, nuanced, hidden ways of how pride shows up in all of us and around us. One of which you pointed out earlier, which was like, I'm right, you're wrong. And this can show up on a daily basis, whether it's a comment section, a chat room, an online place, whatever it may be that,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
there's a feeling that ego rules us, not in the I'm the boss and you're lower down, but in I'm right and you're wrong, and my way is the best way, and my political party, my God, my whatever it may be, is better than yours.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
I find that don't you think there's a need for both the delivery and the receptor to upgrade themselves? Because there's a sense that even the deliverer of a message, no matter how true it may be, if they're able to make it not more digestible in a... I don't mean in a watered-down way. I mean in a way that is not agitating, but truly impactful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Yes, yeah, I read something similar to what you're saying in terms of how to give proper feedback. And it was in a book called The Culture Code by Daniel Coyle. And he talks about a three-step method that the first thing you do is you share that we have high standards here because you don't want to live in a world of low standards. You don't want to drop your company standards.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
So you remind the person you're speaking to, we have high standards here. We have high goals. And the second thing you do is you say to that person, and I believe you can get there. I believe it. I see it for you because of course they're still at the company.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Correct. That showed me you can get there. And then the third is, here are that, what you were saying, here's that area, here are the steps that you can take. Here was the consequence, here's a rectification. And I love that because we allow people to rise to high standards as opposed to hold them to them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
And I think there's a difference between that and how society is functioning right now, where we want to hold people to certain standards, but we're not willing to help them rise towards them. And it seems like, God in this conversation with Abraham is like encouraging Abraham to rise, not just pointing at a standard that shouldn't be held.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
What still gives you hope, Jordan, in all of this that we're discussing today? Is there anything that makes you feel optimistic?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Do you believe that that... Is that going to be something you're teaching at the Peterson Academy? That primary thing that you just mentioned there?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Because to me, I agree with you that that... I always wondered how at business schools across the world, how at colleges, how at universities, there was no class on proper character. No, no, no.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
That's beautiful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
It's fantastic.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
I mean, you're already doing it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Well, congratulations, Jordan. It's honestly brilliant. And I can't wait to enroll myself. I'll be doing that straight after this. Good. And Jordan, we end every On Purpose episode with a final five. And these questions have to be answered in a one word to one sentence. Oh, no. Maximum. How long a sentence? You define it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
You're teaching everyone how to write and think, so I'll go with your definition. Question one, what is the best life advice you've ever heard or received? Tell the truth, or at least don't lie. Number two, what is the worst advice you ever heard or received? It's all about you. Number three, how would you define your current purpose?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Have you spent a significant of time with Elon Musk or has it been more?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Beautiful. Okay, question number four. How do we scale trust?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Yeah, well said. Absolutely. Fifth and final question. We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Don't follow stupid rules. What constitutes a stupid rule?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
And that's hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Powerful. Well, I hope everyone subscribed to the podcast. If you don't already, check out Peterson Academy if you haven't already. New book out in November, We Who Wrestle With God. We got glimpses into it today. Dr. Jordan B. Peterson, thank you so much for your time and energy. I hope we get to do this again. Extremely grateful for your time and energy and I learned a lot today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
And actually, I feel I could have talked to you for another three hours about Eastern and Western religion and ideologies and the amount of stories that I had coming up in my mind to share back and forth. But we can just save that for another time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Absolutely. Yeah, well, I'm happy to serve wherever possible.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Thank you. Thank you so much. Good to talk to you. Fantastic. Such a pleasure, honestly. If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr. Gabor Mate on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
Do you believe that things are as divided as they seem?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
How do we not let the average mind, how do we not let ourselves become consumed by believing that is reality when that's all we're exposed to?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jordan Peterson: 5 Ways to Shift Envy into Growth & How to Recognize and Pursue Your True Calling
affect that at more of a root level so that those aren't created in the first place?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
She did like every- Walk us through that confidence, that energy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
You said something really important. The reason I'm bringing it up is because I feel a lot of women, but a lot of people feel this way. And you said when you first were meeting and recording together, there was a sense of you were protecting yourself. And I think that's a very human thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And I think it's a very normal thing, especially in this day and age, especially in your position to add to it. What was it that, you know, at one point you said, I'm going to adopt at 35 if I don't find someone. Like you had your whole life mapped out when you met Benny. But then, and you said you were protecting yourself, but then you started to open up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Could you walk us through what gave you confidence to open up, but what that feels like when you're trying to protect yourself? Because I think that's the push and pull that everyone's going through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yeah. Penny, how do you feel that you almost sabotaged your relationship by nearly introducing Selena to your friends? How does that feel? Like when you're like, hey, wait a minute, come and meet my friends. There might be some nice guys for you to meet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yeah. Was it scary? Because you talk about being best friends so much. Was it scary thinking, what are we going to lose if this gets romantic? as friends. No, no, it happened right away. This was all one day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
When you first were meeting and recording together there was a sense of you were protecting yourself. What gave you confidence to open up?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
One thing that you both did was you had a long distance relationship for a while, like you were in different states and managing that. You both have crazy work schedules. And I was thinking in your positions, it can get very easy to be like, oh, that person's never available. They canceled again. Like, well, they've got a million things. They're running away.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I mean, you were just about to say you both are starting to travel together right now for work as well. But how did you manage that? Because I think a lot of our viewers are like, Do long distance relationships work and do too busy people relationships work? How would you both say you've managed both of those parts?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I love that. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
You talk about being best friends so much. Was it scary thinking, what are we going to lose if this gets romantic?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Okay. Wait. So the album, I said I love you first. Yes. So Selena, you said I love you first.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
What made you want to say that? Because that's a big step.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
So this is the first time in your life you were the first?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Did you say it back the first time?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
You know I love you both.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
It's such a fun coming together. When you guys called me and said you wanted to do this, I was just like, how special is it that we first met now seven years ago? And then because of you, I got to meet this amazing man. And I feel like we've kicked off a bromance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yeah. And because of you, I just feel like we've been spending so much time together. And so I'm so grateful to you both for trusting me and over the years and the fact that you've been on and now we get both of you. Thank you. It's so special.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Benny and Selena. Hi. Welcome back to On Purpose for the first time together. I am so grateful to you both. It's been a joy getting to know you both over the last few years. And I am so happy for you both.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
This is just so beautiful and special. And because of you, Selina, I got to know Benny so much more. And Benny and I have been hanging out. We've been meditating. We've been
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Eating within.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
But it's thanks to you. It's thanks to you for bringing us together. And I was just saying, as a man, it's so hard to make male friendships as you get older. Really? Is that so?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
,,,,,,,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Exactly. It's not fun, but it sounds like you've found a system that works for you. And the system is so simple, is literally just listening to the other person. If the other person says, hey, I need this, it's not now like a debate around whether they don't trust you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Because I think a lot of us, if someone said that to you, Benny, it would be easy for your reaction to be like, well, how can you not trust me? You always know where I am. Why do I have to do this every day? You could have that reaction, but... that reaction doesn't make the relationship better. And I think that's where often that goes, where someone vulnerably says, hey, all I need is this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I mean, hearing you both talk about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
No, no, no. It's not perfect. We're so silly. No, no, no. But I think the maturity of, and I agree with you. I think, I think that's actually the difference. And I'm glad you brought that up. I think there's a big difference between maturity and perfection. Yeah. Perfection is saying we never have a disagreement. We never have to take space from each other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Which you're not saying, you're saying, hey, I just asked for 25 minutes space. And then I was like, wait a minute, I need you. And I think there's a maturity in that because it requires maturity from both parts. For you to first say, hey, I need space. For you to say, I get it, I respect you. And then for you to have the maturity to say, actually, I want you back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And for you to be like, not like, oh, I told you so. For you to be like, I'm here for you. Like that's not perfection. To me, that's maturity. And I think that's, I really want people to get that from it, that you are going to have disagreements. You are going to want space. Like me and Raleigh went through that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
She, at the beginning of our relationship, if we had a disagreement and we were the same, we never, we made a rule that we would never raise our voices at each other because I came from a home where it was not great. She comes from a home where her parents don't raise their voices. But I was just like, I never wanted that in my home. I wanted the energy of my home to be so sacred.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And I wanted the energy of the home to always have a space where everyone just walked in and felt like a warm hug. And I was like, we can't argue and then expect that to happen. But it took a long time for us to realize that when she, at the start of our disagreements, she wanted space. And I used to say to her, well, if you don't want to talk about it right now, that means you don't care about me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And that wasn't true. She just needed space to process. So it took time for us to mature for me to realize, wait a minute, you wanting space is you caring for the relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
So it was the validation of how you felt in those reactive moments that allowed you to not be reactive. What was it that allowed you? Because I feel like, as Benny was saying earlier, you carry this baggage from all of our relationships into this one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
There definitely is. There definitely is. But I was saying that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
watching both your love story and I know you were saying Selena two seconds ago you're like this is such a safe and cozy space to come to I'm hoping that today we get to know your love story on a deeper level and we get to access really what's in your hearts and minds because I think there's so many interviews and so many things that kind of will touch on the surface level of stuff but I hope we can go deeper so what I want to start with is I want to actually rewind and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yeah. Yeah. For me, I always, I always said to my wife, do you want me to listen? Yeah. Do you want me to fix this? Or do you just want me to go through it with you? Make it clear for me because- They don't want you to fix it right away.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And I want to rewind to a place where we don't retell the story, but we get to relive your story with you. And I think there's a difference because when we tell a story, it's like, this is what happened. But when we relive it, it's almost like going back to who we were when that happened. So I want to go back to the first time you ever met. And I want to hear about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I have to ask you both about this because I was so excited when the news came out and it just, you know, it was, it was so beautiful to see it go from where it started to this, but your proposal and now you're engaged and like that just, I can tell, I mean, it just, it feels just beautiful being in the same space with you both loving on each other, which is great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Selena, what was the proposal like? Like,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
What's this? I want to know about this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And you never met in Texas ever?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Of course I remember my proposal. It was, it was very, uh, I would say I was definitely impacted by lots of social media trends for sure. I, in my chapter, my first chapter of my second book, which is all about love, I talk about how I would redo my proposal because not that I didn't like it was perfect for the time, but it so wasn't What was it, what was it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
So I'll tell it, it's embarrassing, but I'll tell it, I'll tell it. So we were walking down one of our favorite walking paths on the Bank of the Thames in London.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And we're walking down, I told Radhi that we were going to a dinner with my family and it was in a nice place. So she's dressed up and everything. And we come out and then this random guy out of nowhere walks out with a bouquet of flowers, a massive one, he hands it to her. And then I had an acapella group sing Bruno Mars. Wow. And it was really sweet. They were great. They were very talented.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And then I got down on one knee and then I asked her to marry me. And thankfully, I was crying the whole time. Thankfully, she said yes. But I tell that story to say it could have been anyone's proposal. And I had food brought in from her favorite restaurant. But by the time I got there, it was cold. And I didn't do what you did, Benny, so I messed up. No, no, no.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
We've had her on the show. Yeah, she's a powerhouse.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And then when we walked around the corner, there was a white horse-drawn carriage that took us around the city.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
But then when we got... So then we were going back to her parents on the train to tell her parents what had happened. And I told them I was proposing that night. But we were going to hers and we got to her house and her parents opened the door. And they looked at her and they were like, what did he do to you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Because she had hives all over her face because I didn't know she was allergic to horses and she didn't know either. And so that was the night we figured out that she was allergic to horses. And so that story reminded me that I did know her, but I didn't. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yeah, I was trying. I was trying really hard. No, it's so true. But we've been together for 12 years and married for nine. So we're doing all right. But I look back on it and I look at how much of my life was just impacted by... the world of love. And now knowing my wife as deeply as I do, I would do it completely differently.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
So I'm trying to convince her to renew our vows and our 10 years of marriage. And also because our friends have changed. Like we got married nearly 10 years ago now. We moved country. Look at how much your life. Yeah, so much has changed. And so I'm like the people I want to celebrate my- Did you even have the podcast then? No, no, no, nothing. No, no, no.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Podcast is six years old. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
She was my first episode. Yeah. My wife's my first episode. Yeah. So sweet. But yeah, I would do it again. And I think it's a great reminder of just how much we evolve and mature in relationships and how it's okay to look back and go, Hey, like, you know, it's a great story. Yeah. It's a fun story. It's a fun story. But, um, But yeah, no, I'm so happy to hear about how beautiful this proposal was.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
You nailed it, Benny. You're the man. I mean, it's beautiful to hear. And I mean, last time we were together, Benny, you were talking about wedding planning. How's that going?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
What does that look like for both of you? Just you two spending time together?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
It'll be fun. I love it. You both obviously got back into the studio together, recorded an amazing album. I got to listen to bits of it. It was an interesting process, but I'll tell you about that offline. But I got to listen to it. And what I loved was I was surprised. I thought it was going to be about your relationship, but it sounded that it was about a history of your life, Selena.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
It felt like a history of love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
What was it like going from working together that first time to this time? Like what was different?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Well, you were saying to me when we spoke on the phone, I think it was last week, you were saying that there was just, it was like a safe space to be so open.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Did it bring you closer when making the album? Like what was it like being together, but then making an album together and being together?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
It's a great excuse to spend time together. I'm always trying to find ways to work more with my wife. I know. I'm just trying to come up with new excuses. I know. That's all I want to do. Yeah. Yeah. That's how I would do it too. And you had some amazing collabs as well on the album. I mean, obviously you've launched a song with Gracie and Gracie's amazing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
No, no, I haven't. Yeah, yeah. You've been a fan for a while?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
And Selena, you don't remember this at all?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
,,,,,,, in P P P P P P P P P實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P generà già già già già già già già già già già già già già già già già già già già già già gà gà g ,G ac ,G ac , , ,G ac , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
So far, Benny and Selena know each other very well. This is going really well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I like the commitment from both of you. Extremely competitive. So Benny, as you're writing, how did you used to get to New York to see Selena? Would you drive? What do you mean? I'm about to do it every single week. You drive? Yeah. From here to New York? Yeah. I'd take the boat to Europe. Okay. So explain that journey to us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
That is amazing. That is real commitment. All right, three, two, one, go for it. Go on, read it, Selena.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Oh, no, no. I wanted what the other person does to you. That's what you did, Selena, right? That's what Benny does. Yes. Yeah, yeah, Benny. No, because you rap as well. You're a good rapper.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Oh, go on. What did you do right there?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
that's true um okay wait what does she what does selena do that can make you laugh whenever she wants she like selena's proven to be the better listener right now so okay wait so no no we'll skip it we'll skip it we've got a good answer what do you do that makes me laugh in any mood like whenever you're in any mood like what can they do like yeah like radhi would burst out into song and dance like randomly no relevance to anything
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
That's true.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yeah. Radhi hates it because whenever she gets angry, I'm like, you're so cute. So what are you talking about? I'm not cute. She's like, I'm not cute. I love that. What's the one thing they can't live without apart from you? So about your partner. So Benny, you're writing about Selena. Selena's writing about you. What's one thing apart from you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Explain the space here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Temperatures are hard to, everyone's got a different vibe. Trust me. Our office next door, the team's always arguing over what temperature the room's at. Some people want it really cold. Some people want it really hot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I love it okay what's something the other person is really competitive about what are you competitive about
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I love it. I love it. All right. So, okay. Last two questions. Okay. Okay. Actually, I'm going to go for the last one because you both are big on this. I've heard from Benny. What's the other person's most memorable gift they got you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I love the commitment, Selena. I'm so impressed. It's amazing. You're the best. That's like, all right. Three, two, one. Who's going to talk about it? Oh, that was a good one. Okay, explain, go ahead.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
That's a great gift. That was wonderful. Selena and Benny, you are amazing. Truly two of the most special people. I'm so glad you found each other. Thank you. And I am always rooting for you guys. I'm forever in your corner in every possible way. I love you both deeply and know that I'm always rooting for your love. Thank you so much. Yeah, genuinely so grateful for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Are you writing more? What are you writing? Come on, I expected a hug or like a hug or some sort of emoji. I'm going to buy it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you. I love it. You can take them home. Well, we love you. Thank you for having us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I hope that allowed you to share everything you wanted to say. That felt so good. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I love it. Easy. We did it. Thanks, guys. You guys are so fun. How was that? If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
I love this back and forth. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Yes, we were talking about- You started to do this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. I want to go back to the first time you ever met.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Selena Gomez & Benny Blanco EXCLUSIVE: Their Love Story Like You’ve Never Heard Before
Selena, so you technically asked Benny out on the first official day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become a happier, healthier, and more healed. Today's guest is Jillian Turecki, a relationship coach, teacher, podcast host, and speaker with over 20 years of experience helping people transform themselves and their love lives.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
As the founder of the Jillian Turecki Coaching, she offers transformative workshops, retreats, and coaching that blends psychology, yoga, and somatic practices. Her teachings, influenced by diverse spiritual traditions, connect ancient wisdom with modern relationship dynamics. Jillian's first book, It Begins With You, has nine truths everyone should know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. One of the biggest problems in relationships is that if someone's into us, we see it as their weakness. And if someone's not into us, we see it as their strength.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And it goes back to where you start this book is that it all begins with you. Yes. Because all of that is made up in our minds because we're saying, oh, well, if you're into me, then that means you must be weak because you're into me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
If you're not into me, then that means you must be really special and important because you're not into me. And so again, it comes back to us. And so when you say it begins with you, How do we learn to acknowledge our strengths and accept our weaknesses? How do we learn to build our self-esteem at the same time as have self-awareness of our shortcomings? What does that look like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
The nine hard truths about love that will change your life. And it's going to be out on January 14th. Make sure you go and grab a copy if you're trying to figure out your love life right now. Please welcome to On Purpose, Jillian Tarecki. Jillian, it's great to have you here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
What's your take on the mindset that a lot of people can naturally, again, I empathize with it too, can get stuck into, which is like, there's no good men left. Yeah. Or this idea that all the good men are either taken or, yeah. Or they don't exist anymore. Or they don't exist anymore. They're emotionally unavailable. What happens when you've got into that place?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And let's say it's been a valid experience you've had. Like the last...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
three guys you were talking to ghosted you yeah right maybe there was someone who you actually started dating you were seeing them and then you asked them an important question to you or shared something vulnerably and now that person cut you out so what do we do with the mindset because it could be valid or it could be something you came up with but either way what do we do with that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Of course, of course. I'm so fascinated by love and relationships. And my last book was all about love and relationships. So whenever I get to sit down with a fellow coach and a fellow author to learn more and understand more, I'm a huge fan of the videos you post on social media. And I think you're doing such a great job of speaking about really, really interesting things when it comes to love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Yes. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Well, I think until we do that, we also keep repeating who we're attracted to as well. Yes, so you have to change your type. Yeah, so often we're attracting and attracted to the same person and therefore we keep having the same result and keep having the same experience of all men just want one thing, all men are X, Y, Z, or whatever, women or men or any partner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
We start creating a mindset that's very embroiled in one particular type, but that's because we do keep going after the same type.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
But I wanted to start off with asking you, because this is, I always try to get a sense of what our audience is worried about and concerned about and challenged with. And one of the big things that keeps coming up is, what are the three biggest mistakes I'm making in dating right now? Like, what am I getting wrong about dating? That seems to be the top question.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
It's so interesting because we talk about the spark in chemistry so much and it feels like we've got to talk about it for so many more years now to undo all the work that all the movies and that we grew up on did. Because I was thinking about this recently and I talked about it in my book, which was this idea of today the word going around is someone's aura or their charisma and this idea.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And I'm like, I promise you, if you see someone's aura and you're attracted to it, so is everyone else in the room. And so you're not special and you don't have a special inclination towards that person. And chances are that that aura doesn't make them a good partner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And so you might be attracted when you walk in and you hear someone speak and you're like, wow, they're so intelligent. They're amazing speaker. that's not their character. You walk in and you see someone and they're dressed really well and they've got all this swag and this charisma, that doesn't mean they're a good partner and have good character.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
You see someone who has an amazing job and makes all this money and drives a really great car, that's not their character. It doesn't make them a good partner. And so it's almost like everything we're attracted to about someone isn't what makes them a good partner and makes them good at a relationship. You keep saying the word character and I agree with you. Conundrum. What is that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Because we're not even seeing that. It seems like we look at how people think and we're attracted to that. We look at how people look and we're attracted to that. We look at what people do and achieve and we're attracted to that. And none of that makes someone a good partner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
They're completely different things, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I feel one of the challenges from what I'm hearing from you is that A lot of us in our 30s are still chasing our 16-year-old crush.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Yes. And so we're wanting a relationship that we wanted back then. And because it was never satisfied in our teens or in our 20s, we still spend our 30s and 40s looking for it. So when we were in our teens, all we wanted was pleasure, fun, and chemistry.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
But now if I actually look at what I want in my 30s or my 40s, it's peace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And it's a connection and it's a sense of comfort as opposed to the unease of do we like each other today? Do we not like each other? So you asked me earlier or alluded to it. So I'm very attracted to my wife, but that isn't what's kept us together. Right. That would be a very weak reason to stay with someone because... you can be attracted to many people again and again and again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
The reason why you stay with someone is because there's peace. There's no drama. We both forgive quickly. We both move on. There's friendship. There's friendship. We deal with problems in a way that I enjoy. Like what keeps you together isn't that. So yes, I'm still attracted to my wife, but we've been together for 11 years and married for eight, but that isn't what's kept us together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
What I find attractive is has not necessarily changed. I still find the same things attractive as I did when we first got together. But what I need for a long-term, long-lasting relationship is so much more than chemistry and attraction. I have a friend that I was talking to the other day and she said she was out on a date She got back from the date and she usually does this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
She messaged me straight away. And her message just said, Jay, he was perfect. He said all the right things. We have the same values. Great family guy, character. I can't believe I don't want to go on a second date with him. Did you force her to? I hope you did. Yes, I did. Yeah, 100%. And I was like, wait a minute, what are you talking about? Like, how does that make any sense?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And it was just like, because I was like, yes, because of course your 16 year old self.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Wanted this shiny.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Yes. Correct. And it wasn't there. And so it's so interesting to me about how we all have to mature and grow up. Yes. To be like, what is my 30, 40, 50 year old self, whatever age you are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Mid twenties, whatever. What do I actually want right now? What do I need right now? and let me not still be stuck in a 16 year old mind because we are more than we think we are and I've also seen this for people who explored later on in life even friends who because of their cultural tradition came out later on in their life
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
they found that their first few relationships even though they were 30 31 years old when they came out they were still dating like a 16 or 18 year old because it was their first relationship so it wasn't a material aids thing it was a mental and relationship aids thing so if you're someone who hasn't dated for a long time yeah your age of relationship is actually much younger
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
than your actual age.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Absolutely. One of your hard truths that I loved is truth number five, you must speak up and tell the truth. And I was going to ask you, what's the difference between telling the truth and being worried about being too honest too early on? Because it's almost like we want to share our truth and we want to be honest, but we don't want to scare them away. We don't want to
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I love that. And I think the challenge I've seen with that is our ego going back to something you mentioned right at the beginning that we want the other person to make us feel important. We want them to know that we don't need them, but we really do. Like it becomes about, and I don't want to just say games because I think everyone thinks they don't play games.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
So I don't want to use that language, but- But we all do. But we all do, yeah. But there's just this feeling of like, I love what you just said. You said the most important thing is to protect the relationship, which is beyond both of you. But most of us can't look beyond ourselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And we want the other person to look beyond themselves, but when they don't do it, we're like, well, then why will I do it? And then it becomes this, you know, back and forth. So if someone has withheld information or broken trust in that way, not been honest because of the fears you mentioned earlier, which I think were very well and clearly laid out, how do you repair that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
What does that look like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
We also expect the other person now to change their habit the next day. So we're waiting for the one therapy session after which our partner will be transformed. We're waiting for... The one coaching session after which our partner will be the person that they promised to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And it almost feels like we're, we just are looking for this moment where they're going to get it and the penny's going to drop and they're going to be like this new profound individual. And that's just not reality. Like people are going to change if they want to over a number of years. Yes. And the key part of that is if they want to and a number of years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And we're so focused on, no, they have to change. They have to change. They have to change.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Yeah. We really convince ourselves. We do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Yeah. We really convince ourselves it's a one way thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And that if they were to change the entirety of who they were. And then people say, oh, well, you keep giving them the benefit of the doubt if you don't do that. And I think that's the balance that we're trying to strike is how do you give someone the benefit of the doubt that it's not personal? And at the same time, hold yourself and them accountable for change.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Yes, yes. You agree with that? Well said. Yeah, no, absolutely. I couldn't agree with you more. I think that one of the reasons we struggle to accept people the way they are is because we've never taken an interest in how they became the way they are. We don't actually have context of why they became this way. That question of what happened to you? How did you end up here?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And when you start uncovering all of that, you start realizing it's so not about you and it's all about them. And by the way, the same is true for you. And how did you become this way? And how did you expect... All of this to be this way. And so I feel like you've talked about this a few times today, this idea of curiosity, learning about your partner, understanding how they got there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And all of a sudden, when you understand that, you go, oh my gosh, I get it now. And now I understand how long it will take to unwire or rewire that as well. Yes. If they want to and if they notice it. Yes. As opposed to this idea of, well, I snap my fingers and you should get it. You should know how I feel immediately. Yes. I agree with you completely. I don't think there's...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
at least in my relationship, I learned that The smarter way to be early on was respecting my partner's values and having her respect mine and not trying to change our values because we couldn't. Like, I don't think I could change deeply my core values.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I can't. And if someone was trying to change them, I'd find that very uncomfortable. Of course. And if I was trying to change theirs, I'd find that very uncomfortable. Yeah. And so I'm with you on the idea of you've got to accept them the way they are. And if you don't, then that's okay too. It's okay to move on and leave.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I think we've got so disconnected going back to it begins with you. It's just... We've got so disconnected from knowing ourselves and knowing what's right for us and what's good for us. I feel like the amount of people that are just constantly seeking advice from anyone and everyone in their life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And not listening to themselves. Yeah. And you have one text thread over here with like nine girlfriends. And then you have, you post it on Instagram and say, I'm dealing with this on my stories just to your private friends. And then you reach out to your family and your parents. And so you're talking to like 27 non-experts about something in your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And no wonder you're confused because everyone has their own opinion. Someone's saying, give them another chance. Someone's saying, oh, leave them. And you've just got these, you've also got actions to take without understanding. Yes. And I wanted to ask you, if there is no the one, how do you know who to focus on? How do you know who to kind of make it work with?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Please.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Does the one that got away actually exist?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I agree. Yeah. It's almost like that nostalgia effect where you look back on everything and it was always so much better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
But if you actually went back there, you'd be like, this was the worst thing. Like, just go and find an old journal of when you were a kid or a diary or whatever it is and look back at it and be like, oh, life wasn't as great as I pretend to think it was. And nostalgia just makes everything seem so much more romantic and beautifully colored.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
It really is. And it's what you said. It's a protective mechanism of... oh, things used to be better and that's a safe space and I feel good. But actually, it's not really protecting you because it's, like you said, it's manipulating you into unhealthy belief. You have a beautiful quote in the book where you say, stay in your head and your relationship is dead.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
For a month.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And I think that's partly it, that we stay in our head in relationships in a lot of ways. Some of them can be negative thoughts. Some of them can be doubts. Some of them can be questions. Some of them can be, you know, ruminating on the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
How do we, how do we get out of our heads and get out of those repetitive thoughts?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
As you were speaking, I was thinking about what's at the root of that for so many people. And one of the things that came to me was,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
As we're talking about it, one thing that came to my mind was just how we're really focused on starting things as humans and we're good at reacting to when things end and we're really complacent and ignorant in the middle. Yeah. Yeah. Right. We've talked a lot today about dating and then we're talking about when things go wrong and maintenance is not something we find interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Yeah. It's just not something as humans that we like maintaining a home, like building a home, designing a home. That's cool. Yeah. When you, if you leave something and you're finding something new, that's, that's interesting. It's something to pay attention to. Sure. But maintenance is something that we, we ignore so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
this fear of rejection yes so even the idea of i'm talking to this person for a month is because i don't have to potentially face meeting someone and them never wanting to meet me again or the resistance that we have to make work and dating feel the same i know so many people who will cancel on dates last minute because they're scared of well what if i go and it doesn't work out
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And I was thinking if you could recommend a reflection someone could do with their partner right now, whether they're stuck or maybe it's like, what if something feels almost right, but not fully right, as in there's nothing wrong. What do you do in that situation? Because I think a lot of people find themselves there where it's like they're in that maintenance phase.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
You're not getting married. You're not, you know, you're not having the big moment and you're not, you're not kind of ending it. Like there's nothing wrong.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Switching from going back to the beginning of the relationship, looking at the end of a relationship. If someone's broken up with you, what's the best self-reflection exercise that you'd recommend to someone if someone's just broken up with them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And rejection, by the way, is two types of rejection. One type of rejection is that person doesn't want me. And the other type of rejection is that person doesn't meet my expectations or that person, I don't want to be with them. So I'm not just saying rejection in that we're scared of, well, what if that person doesn't like me? We're also scared of the, am I going to reject another person?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Killian, thank you so much for your insights today. It's been really wonderful having this back and forth with you of just kind of thinking about all the different iterations, moments, phases of a relationship. And we end every episode of On Purpose with a final five. Yes. Or a fast five. Every question has to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
So Jillian Turecki, these are your fast five. The first question is, what is the best love advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I like that. Second question is, what is the worst relationship advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Someone said that to you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Let's take a detour to focus on that a little bit. How did that feel?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And like you said, with the high expectations. What do we do about both of those types of our fear of rejection? Because let's take the more obvious one to start with. We all want to be loved. We want to be liked. We all want the next person to be the person. Yeah. Chances are that's not going to happen. We know that. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Question number three, one of your hard truths is number eight, no one is coming to save you. What do you do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Great answer. And question number four, truth number nine, you say you must make peace with your parents. Why is that so important?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
No, no, it's a great answer. No, no, absolutely. Yeah. And fifth and final question, if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Jillian Turecki, thank you so much. Thank you. The book is called It Begins With You, The Nine Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life. You can grab your copy right now. You heard about some of the hard truths in this conversation, but I hope that you'll dive into the book to learn and understand so much more. It's out on January 14th. I'm sure this will be out soon.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
While you're watching this, the book will be out already or very, very soon. Jillian, thank you so much for coming on On Purpose. Thank you for sharing so wonderfully. And I'm excited for people to connect with your content online and continue to follow along to see how much more they can learn about love. And thank you for reminding us all that it begins with you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Thank you. So grateful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
If you love this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your ex and find true love in your relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
But still, we struggle with the fact that I'm going to meet someone and they're going to say, well, you're not right for me or... You know, I don't really want to see you again. Like, how do you get over that? Because we talk about it in entrepreneurship. We talk about it in life. But when you do it with love, it seems so personal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
You're looking for one person to fall in love with you and for you to fall in love with. Yes. And for that, you're going to have to meet a lot of people to find that one person. But all you need is one person to say yes, one person to say I do, one person to say I love you. Yeah. just by the nature of odds, you should know that that probably won't be the next person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
So switching to that, you said one thing about kind of going in at the lowest baseline expectation, which I agree with, because then you're allowing it to become a friendship. You're allowing it to become a nothingship. You're allowing it to become what it is, as opposed to us walking in and going, this next person is going to be my wife, my husband, whatever it may be, my partner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I think it's so natural for so many of us to want to speed up love. Yeah. Like speeding up love seems to be our addiction and obsession with, I just want to meet the one. Now that we're dating, I just want to get married. Now, you know, it's, we're trying to accelerate love almost. So how do we slow it down and how do we take it back to baseline?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
World-renowned relationship coach, podcast host, and speaker, Jillian Turecki.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
I've often said to friends, there's the pain of being single and there's the pain of being in the wrong relationship. Yes. And the pain of being single is a lot better than the pain of being in the wrong relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And you've got enmeshed into each other's lives. There's the toxicity, there's complexity, there's, as you said earlier, there's a disconnect in your values, the person's character. You think you just discovered it, but actually they showed it all along and you didn't see the signs. Yeah. And now you're thinking, gosh, I was happier when I was single.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
And you can't see that when you're single because the promise of being in a relationship is so alluring and intoxicating that we feel like I must have that now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
Why is it that... We end up being attracted to people that are not into us. And then people are into us. We're not into them. Why does that happen?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jillian Turecki: 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes You’re Making (Stop Chasing Love That’s Not For You)
No. What are the three biggest mistakes I'm making in dating right now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah, absolutely. I like that idea of how we're almost having to sell to our brain. Like the idea of selling this, you call it the great, what was it? The great?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
The Bigger, Better Offer. Sorry, yes. The Bigger, Better Offer. Like I love that idea of having to sell that idea, pledge that idea, propose that idea to the brain. And I definitely see that as valuable. And I've found that with... The way that that worked for me was having to remind myself after I made the right decision.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
So what I mean by that is if I'm going to reach for my phone right now and I have the courage enough to not reach for it, but I end up spending time with my family as the bigger, better offer. Now, after I've spent time with my family and I've enjoyed it, this time they're not annoying. Then after I do that, I need to deeply code that into my memory. Like I need to make a deal out of it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Like I need to tell my friend about it. I need to journal about it. I need to record it. I need to take a picture, whatever it is, because what I found is that The mind needs to be reminded, again, when I reach for the phone, that the bigger, better offer will win. But that memory doesn't get stored deep enough for us to be able to rediscover it when we most need it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And so that's definitely helped. And I loved what you said a couple of seconds ago about... Being able to switch it off, I fail at this all the time, but I've at least set the rules. And I think that's what we have to do with this because it is hard. But a few years ago, I set no technology times and no technology zones in my home. So I almost envisioned...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
a no phone sign in the bedroom and at the dining table. And at one point I used to envision like lasers around the room. And it's like, if I walked past it with my phone, then, you know, whatever, the floor is lava. Yeah, like Mission Impossible, just to give that feeling. And yes, of course, have I walked through a laser with my phone? Of course I have. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
But I like the idea of knowing that, look, there are certain rooms in my home where technology is not the space. So actually, if I want to use my phone, I have to leave that room to use it. And like you're saying about leaving your phone in another room or whatever it may be, I think it's really powerful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
One thing you brought up, which I actually think is at the crux of so much of this, and you mentioned the word you've been embarrassed sometimes in your social media usage. And I find that to actually be one of the deepest roots of the challenges we have with change and habit or even with meditation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Like I think as you know you've been teaching meditation for years as have I and when I first started meditating and even now. uh when i when my attention is not as present as it can be or i'm not as focused or i'm distracted which still happens today after all these years of meditating it's so easy to feel embarrassed or ashamed or guilty and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
we can often start to develop an inner critic that can say some of the most hurtful things. Like I'll often say to myself, like, come on, man, you've been meditating for 18 years now. How are you still distracted? Or, you know, you've been, you know, by now you should have been an expert because you're surrounded by so many experts or what's wrong with you? Like,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Or how can you teach meditation if you can't meditate deeply? Like, you know, whatever it may be. And it's so easy to get into that space. And one thing that I came across recently for myself was recognizing that you can't hate yourself into change. Like you can't guilt yourself into growth. You can't make yourself feel so guilty that you'll suddenly achieve your goal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
There almost needs to be grace. There needs to be kindness. There needs to be a safe space for you to have imperfections so i wanted to ask you like what have you done with that emotion of feeling embarrassed because i actually think meditation is powerful for helping us overcome embarrassment but i'd love to approach that with you
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Dan Harris, welcome to On Purpose. It's so great to finally have you here. I feel like this has been years in the making. I know my audience has wanted to hear from you. My community has asked for us to get together. I've seen so many comments tagging you saying you have to have Dan on the show. And so this is really exciting for me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And I want to thank you for taking out the time and being here with us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah, absolutely. No, that resonates so deeply. And I actually... feel that makes complete sense because even the negative of that is true. And so I was reading just a couple of weeks ago, maybe around how the two ways we talk to ourselves negatively are either I am, so we say things like I am lazy or I'm so...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I'm not good enough or I'm the worst or, you know, I'm the least intelligent out of all my friends or whatever it is, right? I am statements. And the other one they were saying, which was even worse, was we have a voice in our head that sounds like an authority figure that says you're the worst, right? or, and you aren't good enough or you're behind or whatever it may be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And that almost sounds like there's an external authority, whether it could have been a teacher or a parent, a family member who may have said that to us. And now it's internalized as a negative authority in our minds.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And so what you're actually saying is the positive authority also works that if someone says your name, Jay or Dan, and then coaches you and guides you through that, would you say that That's a skill that you have harnessed and nourished through meditation. Or do you see that as separate to meditation?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Absolutely. And I love it. Yeah, I reached out. Yeah, I'm glad you're here. I reached out in 2020 and was probably aware of your work even before that. And I feel like there's so many similarities and differences that we can explore today in our personal journeys. But let's dive straight in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
absolutely yeah I love you just reminded me of making that point about the system that you quoted there reminds me of years years years and years ago I was when I was a student in London and I remember walking through you know like a department store and there was a big advert that said get the natural look and then it was like all these things that products that can help you get the natural look and just that idea of
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
purchasing a natural look is fascinating because- As if you weren't born with one. Yeah, exactly. But it is that voice, right? Saying, okay, well, even to get a natural look. And again, I think there are pros and cons. I mean, I'm a big fan of so many products, so many services, so many things. And so it's not to say it's all bad, but there is a need-
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
in mindfulness to, I think what you're saying is to differentiate and have the ability of discernment between is this voice me or is this something outside of me, whether it's a system or a person or whatever it may be. And I think that's the quality that we need because it isn't necessarily saying, I'm just gonna shut everything off and nothing matters. It's this idea of, can I tell?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Can I tell that when I'm listening to the voice in my head as to whether it's truly mine or whether it's being picked up or nurtured by some other external force.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I think at this point in time, it feels like we've talked about this topic for a long time, but it still feels like we have... a slightly unhealthy relationship with it and somewhat a subconscious relationship with it. And I'm talking about stress. And it seems that year upon year, people's stress increases, people's variety of causes of stress increase.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Where has that question taken you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah, I love that. I mean, I've never heard that there is. That's beautiful. That's really, I can totally see how that is such a beautiful tool and an insight for people to use as language because it's interesting though, isn't it? Because it feels like we're all so obsessed with identity in our stories and almost what you're proposing is this idea of recognizing that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
there's somewhat of a distance between us and our identity and story. Yet, everything we've been discussing today, whether it's social media, whether it's the system, whether it's the story your parents laid out for you, all of that, there's stories to be lived, crafted, told, and almost we're all living our own stories in our own mind. And so...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah, how are you able to operate as Dan Harris, the teacher, the guide, the, you know, podcaster, et cetera, and then also have the balance of this recognition that actually there is and there is not.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Of course.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
there's an understanding of the needs and interests of the different vehicles in which I live. So the body being one vehicle and the body has certain needs in order to operate and in order to function. And then the mind has certain needs and awareness that it will easily be a support or, as the Gita says, the best friend or the worst enemy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
So recognizing, again, as you said earlier, the befriending of the mind requires an awareness. And then at a deeper level, looking at our emotions, looking at our spiritual or consciousness connection. And so to me, it's the outlining and awareness of the needs for that specific vehicle, but not falling into the trap of believing the vehicle is me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Even after the pandemic, we saw a different type of stress that we experienced. I wanted to get your thesis on how you feel about the state of stress at the moment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And the balance comes from recognizing, using there is, is beautiful actually, but recognizing that there are needs for each aspect that need to be taken care of, but that one should not accept each of them to be oneself. And I think for me, that comes in the form of having to remind myself of that which is beyond the physical self.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Because it's easier to get connected and identify with the physical self than it is with the non-physical self. Because the non-physical self is intangible. It's unseen. We're unaware of it. We don't live in a society that reminds us of it. I was thinking about this while I was actually at the monastery. So the monastery doesn't have mirrors.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And that was something I've talked about before, where you lose your sense of your physical self. Like while I lived there, I forgot deeply what I looked like. And so if I was out on the streets... When I was traveling, I would always try and look at my reflection in a shop window, whatever it may be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And when I was back this time as well, I was having that realization that the number one thing I do in the morning when I wake up back at my home is I look in the mirror. And so I'm already, from the moment I wake up, living in my physical self. I'm now living, believing that I am this body and this is all there is. And so that automatically sets me up
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
on the opposite end of what i'm trying to practice spiritually and so i found that the balance is kept by making that reminder that first thought of the day of recognizing whether it's in your language the you know that which is not or that which is unseen and and in the the hindu tradition the accepting of us being pure eternal full of knowledge and full of bliss as consciousness
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
identifying with that before I identify with anything else. And that to me is what helps the balance is not falling into the easy identification. I don't know if any of that made any sense, but.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah. I can't, I can't, I don't need to remind myself that I'm Jay, this physical version, because I'm reminded of that every day, but I have to remind myself of that, which is beyond this because otherwise it's so easy to lose touch with it because we are living with the bodily needs as the prime focus.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And I think that's why retreats and experiences are so supportive where the bodily needs somewhat, uh, become a background priority and the needs of the deeper self rise and the connection with that self is more prominent. And I find that starting my year off that way helps.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I was actually just, I was talking to someone who was mentioning, they came to one of your retreats at Omega and they were saying, what a beautiful experience. That was, they said it was the only retreat they've ever been on, but they plan on coming on more. And it was for that same reason of to be reminded. And I think that's why we do anything, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I think we, most of what we do is to remind ourself of something that we care about and something that's meaningful to us. Like whether it's spending time with our family or why we celebrate the holidays. Like so much of, I think the most beautiful things in our world are reminding us of what truly matters.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And I think spirituality and meditation, to me, meditation is my daily practice of remind myself of what truly matters.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I like that yeah that that that really that that struck a chord there of like how again going back to that being when when we're being a I guess in that case you said generous being there's an element of us not living in the system. Would you say that feels right? Why is that? Why do you think that breaks the system?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah. Wow. I love that. I love that. That's so interesting that after all these years, you can still open a door for someone and, and it still feels great. And it, and you know, whether, whether the other person responds or not, but the endless scrolling on social media is kind of, yeah, loses its taste very, very quickly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I guess that's one of the things I loved about in this book when I first came across it, your book, 10% Happier, which is, you know, a huge bestseller, huge success led to the podcast also. One of the things I loved was this whole idea about without losing your edge. And I really appreciated that because I think it's what we've both been talking about here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Like I enjoy operating and building and creating like I do. And I've always been I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I've given myself permission to be all aspects of myself. And up until this stage in my life, I was just collecting different parts of myself. And so I felt like I collected, I mean, zero to 10 probably didn't do anything, but 10 to 20, I collected things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
20 to 30, I collected things. And now I'm in my 30s. I feel like I'm connecting things. And that collection to connection has been primarily through the uncomfortable process of accepting and giving myself permission for the paradoxical and contradictory things that live in within me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
So as much as I love being fully present and mindful and deeply purifying myself, I also really enjoy building and creating and learning and being curious and outward. And those two things coexist. And I actually find that one feeds the other. So I find that the further I go outwards, the more I want to go inwards. The more I go inwards, the more I want to go outwards in a positive sense.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And that cycle continues. And it's a cycle. And I think both of us having studied Eastern traditions, the East is fully cyclical and not linear in all of its practices. So the growth journey looks like this. And the Western growth journey generally is portrayed as that, even though it may not be
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah, no, and of course, and I love what you said there because yeah, we've talked a bit about retreats and I don't want everyone to think they need to disappear for a week or a year or whatever it may be. All of this can be done in the microcosm of five minutes. Dan, walk us through your daily meditation practice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And I'm sure you've done this a million times, but I'd love for people to hear it because I'd love for people to hear how accessible some of these ideas are on a daily basis that we're talking about. And of course, in a way that they can start practicing it as well. So what does your daily practice look like? Sure, sure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah. And I love what you said there is that we're really just trying to get attuned to that in a voice that is basically telling us what to do all day and pushing around in every direction. I find that that voice has often led us to achieve incredible things. That voice often leads us to achieve things and still feel unfulfilled. That voice is almost becomes such a friend.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
in so many ways and sometimes a toxic friend. It's almost a toxic relationship we have with the voice inside of our head where we listen to it, but we don't always like it, but sometimes it helps us win and sometimes it, you know, sometimes it helps us get one up on someone and then other times it lets us down and it's, it's doing all of this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
It's almost like, I think like a toxic relationship, we're scared of letting go of that voice because it's almost like, what do I replace it with? I'm just going to be alone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
which one's been the one that you feel you've heard about the most from the people that follow your podcast that have read your books like what's the stress that you think is weighing them down the most
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
No, no, no. But I love the idea of... how we're simply reconnecting with and reawakening something we've forgotten. So it's almost like we're associating with that angry mode, that envy mode, that jealousy mode, that ego mode every day. And so we've started to accept that it's our reality and normality. Whereas you said, we do also have a wise mode.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
It's just that we haven't experienced it either outside of us or inside of us for so long that we've forgotten it's there, but it is there. It is accessible. And I think that... is not only true based on the wisdom traditions we've studied, but it's also empowering to recognize that this isn't something new you're having to figure out or develop.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
It's an ability that almost exists within you already that has just been buried and covered over by all these other layers of identification and impurities. You've been so vulnerable a couple of times to mention this thing inside of you as an anger mode. You were saying earlier you have two modes and one of them was anger.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And I wanted, if it's okay to kind of like kind of hone in on that, because I think that's something we've actually never really discussed on the podcast in all the guests we've had. And I think it's something that often is something people are scared of talking about. It's a taboo topic because of the connotations that anger is associated with. And
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I was wondering how has meditation and mindfulness, what have they shown you or helped you understand about anger? Because I think our mind often goes to, well, I want to stop being angry rather than I want to understand anger. And I think this is so true for so many things in society. We're like, I wish that would just stop.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And it's almost like, well, before it stops, we may need to get to know it a bit better and understand it and befriend it, going back to the high-five point you made earlier. And so I thought, let's start with anger for that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah, thank you for sharing that. No, I really value that understanding of, A, the difference in the two hangers that you just mentioned there, but also... Yeah, just being able to recognize the fear that sits beneath it. And I can, when I get agitated or irritated, it's always because there's something I'm fearful of. And often it's even the fear of messing up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
You know, for me, I'm thinking of when I'm asked a question and I feel like I don't have enough time to solve it. And then I'm like, oh, just, you know, whatever, like that kind of agitation, that irritation comes out. And really it's a fear of, I'm like, I wish we had more time. I would be able to solve this. Like, I don't want to mess up. I don't want to give it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And it's so interesting that what is actually well-intentioned of a desire to want to get things right turns out to be experienced as that. And like you said, and like you mentioned Thich Nhat Hanh said, of being able to hold it as a baby or being able to... Yeah, it's almost like...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
It's so interesting though, what you said about the, not the skepticism that you have, but the, you know, you were saying the overly sentimental version of holding a baby. And I think often that is the perspective people have of these ideas, right? With mindfulness, with meditation that, oh, it's sentimental. It's a bit fluffy. It's a bit woo-woo. And we know there's science behind it now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And those days should be gone, but they're not because there's still a skepticism and cynicism around the idea of like, oh yeah, my fear is like, whatever, there's no fear. Right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
right because that in and of itself is trying to protect us from or trying to protect us from our fear and so how have you seen in others and how have you and yourself been able to catch yourself double bluffing yourself or when you're almost you know you're finding that way around doing the actual work one of the biggest and most reliable sources of feedback for me is um
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah, I think for me, it comes out in if I'm judging someone. So I find that if I'm judging someone, that there's a sense of, truth that that exists within me somewhere and so i need to explore that that which i'm judging in someone else and i've been working on that one and that's the hardest one and it's the most embarrassing too because it's like you
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah. And it's so funny because when you see it in them, you're like, how can they not be aware that they're like that? And at the same time, you're talking about yourself and, you know, you recognize you're not even aware when you're like that. And I think that's where I notice where it's easy to double bluff myself and I have to be conscious of that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
goes along your lines too it's like you're building a story to support your view without evidence and without research and without looking at all of the facts and you know you've you've created a story that makes sense to you in order to fulfill your your desire whatever that may be and then you're not forced to actually look at yourself
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah, I think we're both going back and forth admitting all of our flaws and challenges and issues. But that's what meditation does, right? This is actually what's transpired without intention or maybe with intention. But actually, this is the benefit of practicing mindfulness and meditation is a really healthy relationship with all of your imperfections.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Because we're ridiculous.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Our teachers would obviously always talk about the monkey mind. Yes. And although that's somewhat of a alien analogy to some degree, at least when you've grown up in England or in the US, because you're not seeing monkeys all the time. But when I have gone to certain spiritual sites in India that are you know, infiltrated with monkeys, it will only make you laugh.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Like I've seen monkeys, you know, rip bags to steal fruit. I've seen monkeys steal people's sunglasses and then trade it back for food. I've seen monkeys steal credit cards, like, and know how to barter for what they want. Like I've seen monkeys put on sunglasses. Like all you need to do, I mean, me and my wife went to Bali this year
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And we went to the monkey forest there and the monkeys are just hilarious and ridiculous is the word. And it's almost like when you start seeing the habits of the mind as a monkey, it's so easy to laugh at it because you just realize how ridiculous it is and how hilarious they are and how uncontrollable they are as opposed to looking at it as this...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
almost like a Rubik's cube, which we sometimes see it as. And you get frustrated trying to figure it out. As opposed to when you look at a monkey, you go, well, a monkey is going to be a monkey. So I'm not surprised when my mind is ridiculous. I'm not expecting my mind to be this... You're never looking at a monkey expecting it to be sitting there meditating on top of a rock.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
You're expecting to see a monkey jump from branch to branch and swing and whatever else it may be. And all of a sudden when you can... And you have to have had the real experience of that in order to even have that really sit. I'm like, if I hadn't seen...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And then a couple of years ago, I went to Rwanda and we trekked with gorillas and we saw the little baby gorillas who were just playful and silly and the sound of their laugh and just what they were like. And you just start to recognize you need... This is why what you just said earlier, you mentioned it passively, but observing nature... is such a beautiful way of understanding ourselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And again, going back to your earliest point, our disconnection from each other and nature means we're only seeing systems and machines. And the way systems and machines work And now our expectation of our mind to work the same way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I want to turn my mind off and I want to turn my mind on because we've seen the system of on and off on a light switch to a phone, to a tablet for so many years now that we've lost the idea of, wait a minute, the sun sets and the sun rises, but it doesn't sun off and sun on. And we've lost that concept of there is no instant on and off and there is no instant on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
switch, there is only nature doing its cycle and its phases and its rituals almost.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Sorry, I feel terrible now. I wish we would have known that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Dan, thank you so much. It's been such a joy talking to you today. And I've really enjoyed how this conversation turned into the benefits of meditation without listing the benefits of meditation, but the acceptance of the benefits being a deeper awareness of who we are, what we need to improve, and doing that with love, with kindness, with
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
gentleness as opposed to hate pressure and stress that we often place on ourselves but we end every episode with a final five and these final five have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum each and so dan these are your final five the first question is what is the best advice about mindfulness that you've ever heard or received just start again I like that. Yeah. Beautiful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
What is the second question is what is the worst advice about mindfulness or meditation that you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
It's so bad. It's so bad. It's so bad. Uh, and it was almost marketed like that for a long time. Yeah. For a long, long time. Yeah. Question number three, how would you define your current purpose?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
i love that uh question number four a thought that you'd like to repeat more often
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
No, it's brilliant. It's a great answer. It's a great answer. Please continue.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I love that. That's a beautiful answer. Fifth and final question, which we ask every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
People take forever. That's why you picked up the book. You're like, I'm going to read a chapter. We either allow people to edit it out or they can have their thinking time in the edit, whatever they prefer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Take your time. It's a fun question. So I prefer it when people think about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
That's a great answer. I love it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
It's perfect. It was perfect. The 10th anniversary edition of Dan's book, 10% Happier, How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works, A True Story, is available right now, of course, with the 10th anniversary edition. That's amazing. Congratulations. I'm so much grayer now than when the book came out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And of course, subscribe to Dan's podcast, 10% Happier as well. Dan, thank you so much for coming on to On Purpose. This was such a refreshing and really, really beautiful, organic conversation. I appreciate you going there with me because that's kind of the space I've been in on the show recently of wanting to get lost with someone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah, I'm so glad. You've just made two really good distinctions there. I love the way you were sharing the research around the difference between anxiety and stress. And going back to that for a second, that example you gave of having your to-do list and feeling like you don't have the capacity is...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Thank you. That's very sweet. I really appreciate that. Thank you so much. And maybe we're doing a terrible job with the branding if that's not how I come across.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Thank you. That's very kind. That's very kind. It's, uh, that's, I really appreciate that. Thank you. I, I, I received that deeply and, uh, I think it's really hard. I've definitely struggled with this. Like, we're just, I can only be fully myself with someone I'm in person with.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
It's impossible to, I find it impossible to be your whole self on a 30 second video or, you know, if someone listens to the podcast, I feel they know me because they're hearing me. you know, full conversations of an hour each week. So, or every day, some people listen to it. Like I feel like someone listens to the podcast, they have a deep, deep understanding of me or if they've read the books.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
But if someone's just seeing something on social media, they have such a limited view. And it's so hard to portray yourself in that way or in your true self. So I appreciate that. Thank you so much. Thank you, Dan. Thanks for having me. It's been a real treat. Thank you so much. You set a goal today. You achieve it in six months. And then by the time it happens, it's almost a relief.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
There's no sense of meaning and purpose. You sort of expected it and you would have been disappointed if it didn't happen.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
It sounds like what you're sharing is that there's a capacity challenge and then also a control challenge. And when you're naming all those things external to us, there's a feeling of, I can't control any of those things. All of those things are uncertain, and therefore I'm dealing with constant states of change. And that, in effect, creates a sense of stress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And to some degree, if I'm forward projecting, then anxiety as well. Yes, yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
when I think about all of that, and I love what you just said about actually getting to the root of it, because I think you're spot on that we often discover a new symptom and there will always be a new thing we'll discover every day that causes or triggers stress because there'll be a new change, a new uncertainty, a new thing we can't control.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
But at the core of it, you've highlighted this need for connection and this need for belonging and this need for human touch both physical and mental and emotional that we seem to be feeling further and further away from i was talking about this with my best friend today who i speak to probably like three or four times a week And it's the person I probably speak to the most in the entire world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And he was my best man at my wedding. He introduced me to spirituality. So we have a long history of 18 years of a friendship. So he knows me very well. And we still talk three to four times a week. He lives in London. I live in LA and we still find a time to connect. And that's mainly because he always makes time and he's very kind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And I often think about it in that I don't know how I would navigate life without that friendship. Because of having someone who understands me deeply, someone who allows me to be seen, someone who allows me to be flawed and imperfect, yet allows me to process all of that, is so profoundly needed, but it required certain deposits that had to happen 18 years ago in order to get there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Do you find human connection is easier with... people you've known for a long time or have you found it to be building new relationships and new friendships? What have been the pros and cons or the ways you've navigated both of those?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
I couldn't agree more.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Yeah, no, and I'm glad that you brought it to this. And I genuinely couldn't agree with you more. And that's why I've always wanted to talk to you is this idea of, well, how do we actually do that? Because these big ideas and big concepts often, as you said, give you that short term inspiration, but then it doesn't translate into any discipline or habit or creation of a routine or rhythm that's
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Allows us to repeat it and make it real. And so let's kind of zone in on that for some of the points you made. One of the things you talked about, of course, is social media. And the truth is that all of us are in some way, shape or form addicted to this. It's designed to make us addicted. It's not that we're addicted because we have some flaw or some weakness or because we're not...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
And because we're alone, I think a lot of us share this. I've found myself doom scrolling. I found myself wasting hours and hours on social media feeling like I didn't achieve anything or gain anything from it. So no one's immune to this. I don't think there's a select few people who've beaten it. I think it's consumed all of us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
What have been the practical steps that you maybe have put in place for yourself, people that you know in your life that you think have actually helped people develop a healthy relationship?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Because I think it's also not just like saying, well, just don't be on your phone, which is often, again, one of these big ideas that's portrayed, which is like, well, just turn it off or, you know, don't be on it. And we know that that's not sustainable either. Like we're both carrying our phones today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Yeah, it's brilliant. And why do you feel, though, that now AI and spirituality coming together can actually lead to a discovery of consciousness? Why do you believe that that's the entry point?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. I want to talk to you about this challenge that people have with the large language models that you have.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
There's such a fear right now around AI, especially its ethics and bias. It sounds like you see that from the perspective you're looking at it as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
How?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
I'll read it. Sam Altman, I'm reading from the front cover of Digital Dharma. For those who are listening, that's Divya Chopra's book. AI has the potential to help us create a more peaceful, just, sustainable, healthy, and joyful world. Digital Dharma shows you a path. Sam Altman, CEO of OpenAI. So why aren't we doing it? And we're not doing it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
We said we're fed up with this world of violence. I love your ability to be able to oscillate between the AI conversation that's happening in the world and then the spiritual truths that have been there since time immemorial.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
But when you say it, it comes down to every technology that humans create or discover. We always have this inner conflict and war of how will it be used.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Now you're sharing with us that the secret to our spiritual success is hidden within the use of A.I.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
I think that's the challenge that when you talk about grassroots, so many people today, because they're less aware of how to use things for good. Most of us are consumers of what is created around us. As you said, we're having conversations with AI based on us not asking questions because we're unaware.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
And the challenge is that a lot of us at the grassroots, most people are actually scared that AI is going to take their job.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Tell us more about that. How do we use AI for creativity rather than feeling, like which jobs should be worried and what should they be thinking about?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
There's such a fear right now around AI, especially its ethics and bias.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
It's not conscious, yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
I think that's the question. It was really interesting. I was being asked, I was at a panel recently and people were asking me whether I believe AI will ever have a soul. And my response was, I don't think AI will ever have a soul, but I hope the people that are creating it have a soul. That's true.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Because I think the challenge is that anything we create has the creator's flaws and the creator's weaknesses and impurities.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Yeah, because I feel like that's also the version that we've seen made in movies and media, this idea that AI somehow gets to a point where it starts to, but those are all just... Super intelligent, but no soul. Yeah, it makes a lot of sense.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Deepak Chopra, it's so great to have you back on On Purpose after six years. I want to start off by saying that I was so grateful that you were one of the first people I met when I moved to New York in 2016. I was working at the Huffington Post. We had multiple interviews there. You were always so kind, so gracious. I was and have always been a huge, huge fan of yours.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
100%.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
How do we then use large language models better for ourselves if we're people of color? Women, what can you do in order to... There are movements now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
I hope that we start to see some shift in change.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Why have we not been convinced of that yet? I feel like we've seen... Fear.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Fear of?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
And your kindness, your generosity, your support over the years has been incredible. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
What did it take for you to make it personal? What did that require so that it's different to a ChatGPT, for example?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
So let's say someone has that sleep issue. What kind of prompts would you suggest that they use to get the best out of Deepak Chopra?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Of course. Well, Deepak, I think we're going to surprise a lot of people today because naturally for the past few decades, you've been guiding people towards spiritual success. And now you're sharing with us that the secret to our spiritual success is is hidden within the use of AI. And not only that, you actually have Deepak Chopra.ai.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
And what about if someone has a relationship issue and they're coming saying, I'm thinking about getting divorced from my husband?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Can we use AI to find love?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Yeah. I always had this vision and AI allows for it. Imagine if we all had a coach in our pocket that you could talk to at all times.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
And what are the mistakes you're seeing people make in using AI for personal growth or spirituality? What pitfalls or common challenges exist or blocks that exist?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Yeah, I feel like when you talk about the need for this grassroots movement for all of us to turn because the leaders... Well, this conversation expands that. Absolutely. No, absolutely. I feel like the challenge is we're so used to using chat GPT and AI and everything for such basic questions. Which is good too. It's okay too.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
But I feel like how do you get to that point where... we've realized that the power of what exists in our hands with such a tool and device.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
We're going to put a code for everyone who's listening and watching to go and access this. You've actually created your own AI. But let's start with why has that mission intersected? Why have those two things, spirituality and an AI, intersected for you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Wow. So the speed of... Yeah. What happened in that scenario?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
I wonder how quickly we got used to, you were saying like fire was almost one of the first technologies or tools we created. I wonder how quickly we got bored of fire, but I guess we didn't because it was so useful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Who have you shown this work to? Who have you shown these conversations to?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
What about in terms of scientists and people like that? When you're having a conversation with Sam Altman, and he's obviously fascinated, as you said, about consciousness, because he's curious and inquisitive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
But I think every time there's an improvement, we also inherit all these new problems, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Is it fear or is it a sense of just... almost not knowing what to focus on because our education doesn't really create a directional, like our education, when you were saying earlier, technology has moved so fast, but our understanding of the self has remained so amateur. Correct, correct.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
And when you look at the education system, the education system hasn't caught up with technology either because the education system is still kind of trudging along. It is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Yeah. But what do we do? Because I feel like even the challenge that people have with ChatGPT or any platform is our education system doesn't teach us to ask good questions. No. We're always told to give the answer. Yeah. That's what we're fixated on. That's it. Is result, reward, the answer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Right. But we're so bad at asking questions, yet AI requires us to be brilliant at asking questions.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
How do we get better at asking questions?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Yeah, it's amazing. It's incredible. You're vibrant and energetic as ever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Yeah, it's amazing. It comes across naturally. And you were saying that longevity, obviously, as we've seen in the world, has become such a big talking point.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
What is the real longevity solution?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
What do you think it's going to take for those individuals to actually open up their minds? The science.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Do you think, though, that we can even measure some of this with science? Like, is it even possible to see it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Right, right. Fascinating. It is fascinating, it is fascinating. But because we have a common language, I can understand the ease with which, you know, but when I think about people who don't have that, it becomes so hard to wrap your head around even the possibility.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Yeah. What is the, if someone's really interested in self-realization, they're really fascinated by the conversation you're having.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Now I was going to ask you, what's the first question they should ask AI?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Deepak, what have I not asked you today that I should have asked you? No, I think you asked me a lot. I was going to ask ChatGPT right now. I'm going to say, what questions should I ask Deepak about AI and spirituality? I'm doing this live and in real time. Yeah. Not part of our original prep.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
It says, if you're having a conversation with Deepak Chopra about AI and spirituality, you might want to explore how he views the intersection of technology and consciousness, which we did. And it says, how do you see AI influencing human consciousness and spirituality in the coming years? We talked about that, I believe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
In your view, can artificial intelligence ever truly achieve consciousness or a sense of self-awareness? You said no. So we talked about that. Do you think AI could be used to enhance spiritual practices such as meditation, self-awareness? You said yes, we talked about that. Uh, how do you reconcile the rapid development of AI with spiritual concepts of mindfulness presence?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Yeah, we've, we've, we've, yeah, it feels good. We, we did a good job. I'm trying to see if there's anything that we missed here that we didn't ask you. No, it's pretty spying. It's pretty amazing. It's pretty phenomenal. But Deepak, I'm always in awe of how you found a way to take the teachings of the East so far and so deep and now to take it all the way through to AI.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
This is India's contribution to the world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Yeah, absolutely. The book is called Digital Dharma. Of course, head over to deepakchopra.ai. We'll be putting a code for anyone who wants to use it as well. Deepak, as always, you've blown my mind. You've expanded my consciousness. You make me proud of the culture I was fortunate enough to study and deeply look at in my time. And thank you so much for doing all the incredible work you are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. If this year you're trying to live longer, live happier, live healthier, go and check out my conversation with the world's biggest longevity doctor, Peter Attia, on how to slow down aging and why your emotional health is directly impacting your physical health.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Hi, this is Ruthie Rogers, host of our podcast, Ruthie's Table 4.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Fried chicken.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Elton John and his husband, David Furnish, fell in love over food. It was for Mr. Chow's, and Elton didn't know what I liked, so he ordered the entire menu. I'd marry you the minute somebody did that. listen to ruthie's table four on america's number one podcast network iheart open your free iheart app and search ruthie's table four start listening you're listening to an iheart podcast
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
I mean, I'm mind blown listening to you because the thought process that just went into that journey you broke down for us requires not only a conviction in our Eastern philosophy and traditions, which of course- Experientially. And from what I'm garnering here, you're saying that AI was actually, or ChatGPT and the other platforms, they actually allowed for your thinking to impact and influence.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Deepak Chopra: How to Ask AI The RIGHT Questions To Grow, Heal, and Live a More Fulfilled Life
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
I can do, I have been doing five days of workouts a week. eating really well, whatever, because I'm in one place. Because I'm saying all of this to reiterate your point. It was all about the constraint. Always. It was all about the constraint. I had the motivation, I had the drive, I had the discipline, I had all that stuff. But travel was the thing that...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
that made me feel like I was having gains for a week and then losing it and then getting disciplined and then losing it. And that was just exhausting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
If someone's listening right now and they're thinking fitness and strength are my big goals this year, how would you encourage them to think about it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Yeah. Seasons.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
There's seasons of when to shift. And sometimes we have one goal. It's really basic. It's really simple. It's like, I want to do this. And it's not possible throughout the year. And we don't shift it and mold it. And I think, Andy, you know, I'm taking a couple of steps back here, but it comes from this societal view of what fitness is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
And I want to talk about that with you because- Oh boy, I love this. Yeah, because I just feel like as I'm listening to you, I know it's one of the biggest challenges is we don't actually know. It's like every year there'll be a new thing. Like strength is really important. Protein is really important. There's whatever, right? And it just, there's a new fad every year.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
And I want to talk about that with you. But I think for a lot of us, we don't really know what the pillars of fitness are. Like we don't know what defines someone as fit. We just have goals like, oh, I want abs this year. I want this this year. I want less belly fat this year. And, you know, for someone who grew up overweight, I grew up overweight.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
And then when I changed my diet, started working out, I just got super skinny and lean. It's like, to me, there was a point in my life where I just believed if I was lean and I wasn't overweight, then I was healthy, right? It was as basic as that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
And I think a lot of us carry that around, where it's like you see someone with abs or whatever you want, and it's like, yeah, they're healthy, they're fit. If you had to break down and say, what is the pursuit of fitness? What's the answer? Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my on-purpose podcast live and in person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Today's guest is gonna help us do that for our physiology, for our body, for our muscles. I'm excited for you to listen to this episode because I know it's gonna make a big change in your life this year.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Today's guest is Andy Galpin, professor, podcast host, and leading expert in human performance science with a PhD in human bioenergetics. Andy focuses on muscle physiology, strength training, and performance science. Andy has worked with elite athletes across sports, including Olympians, UFC fighters, NBA, and MLB All-Stars. Welcome to On Purpose, Andy Galpin. Andy, it's great to have you here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Why is strength so important? Because I feel like we've undervalued it for a long time and you don't, you could go your whole life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Yeah, I love it. Thank you so much for being here. And I want to dive straight in. And today what we did is we asked our audience to tell us what they wanted to know from you. And we had so many questions. People had so many things they wanted to learn. And I think... When we're releasing this, it's going to be at a time when it's like kicking off the year.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
This is a big goal for people. This is what people want to achieve this year. They want to be fitter. They want to be stronger. And so the first question I wanted to ask you is, what routine is the best for someone that wants to gain muscle and lose weight?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
It's, yeah, I really appreciate the, I actually, please go into as much detail as you like. It's very useful to get to that granular level to actually understand the value of strength training. Because I think, like you said, because of the bad PR that it's had for so long, we've kind of- We did it to ourselves. Yeah, we did it to ourselves. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
I was going to ask you, you specifically spoke about leg muscles and like strength training there. What's the difference between walking? Because we always hear walk 10,000 steps if that's the least you can do. What's happening when you're walking 10,000 steps versus running a mile, three miles, five miles, whatever it may be, versus strength training with weights for your legs?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Running a mile.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Right, right, right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Yeah, that's brilliant. That's such a great breakdown because I think we often, like you said, we kind of live in either extreme, right? We're doing a lot of number three and not one or two and not three or however it works.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
And I think I've been through every phase in my life of doing tons of one, ignoring two and three, doing tons of two, ignoring one and three, and then doing tons of three and ignoring one and two.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Yeah, for sure. What recovery aids or what supportive environment do you need for strength training? Because as you explained, that's like the most intense or the one that's really working you the hardest in that sense. What do you need to support that to make sure it's effective?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
What is the proxy for a good or bad workout?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Yeah, that was a big one for me because I've definitely, I tried to match my body weight and protein, but I just couldn't. Take it every day. It just wasn't possible for me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Yeah, that's surprising. I want to hear your thoughts about another thing that I think people get hung up on and maybe don't know the insides behind is what should you eat before and after a workout?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Oh, interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Yeah. I really appreciate that take because I think that's what it's been for me. I've found that with so many things that you've heard and tried to do and felt it was right. And it's like, well, actually, I just want to feel. And it goes back to what you started with. Right. How do I want to look? How do I want to feel? And what was the third one? Perform. Perform. Right. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
And so I, I spent a lot of time in that. How do I want to feel and perform? And so many things that I'm told would help me look better are not things that help me feel and perform better. That's probably pretty true. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And no, but I just love the take that it's about figuring it out. How important is hydration and how much water do we actually need?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Absolutely. Thank you for that. I appreciate the refreshing answer and not having to be specific. And I agree with you. I think that's a very fair way to go. And it's actually the only truth and reality to it as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
What are some other healthy solutions for brain fog?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Yeah. Andy, I'm intrigued. We're talking about all of this. I'm wondering what's your schedule?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
If someone's listening right now and they're thinking fitness and strength are my big goals this year, how would you encourage them, like the people that you work with? If someone's like, Andy, train me now, coach me now, how should I be thinking about my goals over the next 12 months? How would you encourage them to think about it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
I love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Yeah. Well, it's great to hear the reality of it, right? Like that's the point. That's the reality of life that you've kind of had throughout this whole conversation. I feel like you've given no... false solutions, quick fixes. There's no hacks and habits that are like, it's not who you are. And I appreciate it because even in your life, you're like, yeah, this is what it actually looks like.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
When you are working out consistently, training every day, what does your workout look like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Yeah, I really appreciate it. It's great to hear. And I think everyone who's listening can give themselves a bit more grace as well. Because, you know, you know all of this. And I think often people look at people who know a lot and are doing so much research and have good healthy habits. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
But there's a reality of, you know, and I, you know, same for me, like in the work that I do, like it's, you know, I'm constantly trying to share the moments where I'm like, you know, probably didn't respond as well as I could have or wasn't as mindful as I should have been.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
That's the reality of what it means to be alive. It's a practice, man.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Yeah, absolutely. Andy, we end every episode with a final five, but before we do that, there are a few more questions I kind of wanted to loop back to. And so one of them was, why do you suggest that we don't work out at night?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Wow. I love that, man. That's great. Yeah. I definitely, I was playing pickleball at night. I was doing my morning workout in the gym and then pickleball in the evening. It was destroying my sleep. Like I, it would take me two hours. Like I'm someone who thankfully falls asleep pretty quickly. And it's like, I would get into bed at like 9.30 and I wouldn't get to bed till like 11.30, 12.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Cause I was just like wired from playing pickleball for like seven to nine or whatever it was. And so I'm having to figure out I've just stopped playing because it was having such a big impact, but I appreciate that. Try that. I will try it out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
I'll try it out. Another audience question we had to answer was what do you suggest for women with PCOS in terms of an ideal workout?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
No, no, but that's really useful. Yeah, I didn't know that. No, I'm intrigued. We definitely do not do that. You don't have different protocols. It's so individual. It's not based on gender. It's not like, oh... So this is better for your strength than female?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Oh, interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Got it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Andy, I want to ask you a final five. These questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Oh boy. Okay. So the first question is, what is the best health advice you've ever heard, received, or given?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
That's very hope-giving. I love that. Question number two, what's the worst health advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Great answer. Question number three, for someone who's really trying to lose some stubborn belly fat, what should they do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
And would you recommend how? Or that's case specific? Yeah, totally. Question number four. What's something you used to believe to be true about health that you disagree with now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
I love it, man. It's all good. Fifth and final question. It's the question we ask everyone who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Ah, that's so good. It's on the top of my brain. I'd be really mad at you for that, Laura. God, I hate that. But you can recline yours too, that's the whole point.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Oh, right. Oh, you're a worker. That's so good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Plane time is the only time I switch to entertainment. Oh, really? Yeah, I'll read a book or I'm watching something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Andy Galpin, everyone. Thank you so much for listening and watching, Andy. Thank you for all your incredible insights, wealth of wisdom. I hope that you will take away one thing and apply it from this episode. Remember, that's my request. You won't be able to do all of it. You won't be able to do everything. Try and pick the one thing and just apply it to make a shift in your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Follow Andy across social media, his podcast, everything else he has going on to make sure that you're connected to his insight. I'm sure it's had a big impact on you. I know it has on me. And Andy, I look forward to having you on the show many, Many times. Thank you so much. That's my pleasure, man. I can't wait to come back. Yeah, thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
If you loved this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on how to change your life by changing your brain.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
And it's time? Am I thinking about it in terms of time or energy or?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Let's start with business. Health and? Recovery. Recovery, right. So business, and over what period of time? It doesn't matter. You define it. Okay. So I'd say, yeah, over the year. Let's do it a quarter. Quarter one. Over the quarter. Okay, yeah. So I'd say, honestly, where I'll probably prioritize would be like five.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Relationships I'd say is... Well, my work... Business relationships are very strong in that sense. So my personal relationships, it's an easy one for me. My circle is small. So I'd say...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
Yeah. Super smart. Yeah. I really appreciate the constraint approach too. I found my constraint was travel. And so I haven't traveled for the last six weeks and I've felt my absolute best with sleep, food, diet, everything. I've been on the road for probably eight straight weeks and I'm the opposite.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Andy Galpin: 3 Ways to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (the Fitness Plan You Will ACTUALLY Stick To)
And that was my, my life was like, I'd be working out for one week, eating right for one week. Everything's good. Then I'm traveling for one week, then one week. So I was one week on one week off. And then I'd planned to spend these two months in LA and it has been life changing from a workout point of view, sleep point of view, recovery point of view, everything we just talked about.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
They're like, oh Vin, this is actually solving a daily issue for me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Absolutely. Or talk over them. Yes. Completely ignored.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah, that's such a great point. It's so true. And I hope everyone who's listening and watching right now, I want you to rewind back, right? Go backwards the last five minutes, everything that Vin said from the point of self-awareness through to just now and practice it in your next meeting, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Listen to yourself in a meeting, even record yourself while you're in a meeting as you are normally, as you are right now. And then go listen back to that and then apply what Vin was saying because it's so interesting to me how daily... our communication is impacting our lives. And we think we're not getting promoted because we're not networking or we're not- Technically brilliant.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Technically great or whatever it may be. Or maybe you're sitting there going, Jay, I'm actually one of the best in the company when it comes to XYZ. But now I realize that it's my ability to coach people, guide people because I have that influence. I wanted to ask you, how does an introvert get the courage to do what you just said?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Because I'm sure there's a lot of people listening right now, they're introverted naturally. I mean, do you even believe in introverts or is that also a practice behavior?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Before we dive into the next moment, let's hear from our sponsors.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. And now let's get back to the episode. There's such a need for ownership and accountability for our lives.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Because like you said, and I for a long time believed that someone was going to come and spot my talent and see it and nurture it and help me build up. And I realized no one was coming and that no one could see it because they were too busy in their own lives. It's not that they were bad people or they were bitter or they were wrong or they were... not able to spot talent. Everyone was busy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
People were just busy in their day to day. They don't have time to spot your skill and your talent and nurture it. If someone's listening to this right now and they're saying, Vin, I love what you just said. I'm an introvert. I agree with you. There are times when I can and can't perform or can't bring it out. How do I hold energy? How do I create energy?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
if I have a meeting coming up today, if I'm gonna be on a Zoom call today, what do I do in order to make sure I'm at my best? Because right now I'm going from meeting to meeting to meeting to meeting, Zoom call to Zoom call, I'm just exhausted.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Can you break the baton down for us just in case people don't know?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
You're saying that everyone can go from being a shy, unconfident speaker to being a prolific speaker like yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I'm going to try that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I love that. Yeah, my routine's a lot more simple. Okay, okay, okay. No, but you're right. Everyone needs one. I went on my world tour two years ago now. We did 40 cities across three to four months around the world. Got to come to Australia, a place that I absolutely loved. It was my first time there. I didn't get to come to Adelaide. I hope I do next time. I know. We're offended, by the way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah. Oh, no, gosh.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
No, I'm kidding. We did Brisbane, Sydney, Melbourne. And honestly, there was something about the Australian people that stuck with me. I was telling you this a bit earlier. There was this banter back, which I loved. I would banter with people on stage. I'd, you know, little quips and things, and they'd come back at it, and I loved it. And the other thing was everyone was so grateful. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Everyone would just say to me, they'd be like, thank you for coming all this way. And I was like, wait a minute, you came to see my show. I should be thanking you. And I was, I was so grateful that people turned up in, you know, the thousands that came out and it was just amazing. Everyone was so grateful. There was such a great energy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
But the reason I brought it up is I realized that my tour schedule was extremely different from a keynote because the keynote is I've got to do it once. And then it's done. This was every night, if not every other night, if not sometimes in Australia, I did two shows back to back. In the same day?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
On the same day, because we were at the Sydney Opera House for two days, but we did two shows in one day, one show the next day. So three shows across two days. And then went to, I think it was Brisbane or Melbourne that was last. And so my tour schedule was different, but I realized I had to stop eating at 12. My show was at 8 p.m. I had to stop eating at 12.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I'd have a protein bar around 5, 6 p.m. to give me that little bit of boost of energy. I'd have a sparkling water because I preferred that just before I went on. And then I would have to eat. I'd get off stage at 10, do a meet and greet for two hours, and then I'd eat at midnight every day. Now that's not my normal schedule at all.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Like that's completely against my normal schedule, but I had to find that. And I think that's what's so interesting about this is that I'm not, I sleep at nine, nine 30 every night. That's when I'm in bed. So for me to be, having to eat dinner at midnight is so abnormal, but I found that there was a different routine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I also didn't go out to any noisy places before or after the show because I had to be on vocal rest. I knew I'd lose my voice if I went to a restaurant or whatever. So for three, four months, I didn't go to a restaurant while I was out in all these cool cities. Everyone's like, oh, did you go to this place?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I was like, no, I didn't go to any of those places because I would have lost my voice and then I wouldn't be able to perform. And I think that's the important part of the craft that there's a dedication and a surrender to this is what matters. And therefore some of this other stuff is going to have to fall by the wayside.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
What are the top three things, the practical problems that people are coming to solve when they come to you? Vin Jiang is an award-winning entrepreneur, keynote speaker, podcast host, and communication coach who specializes in helping people master the art of confidently speaking.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah, absolutely. For someone who's listening to their voice now, they're listening to us. They're like, Vin, I'm going to listen to this. They start listening back to their voice and they cringe at their voice because we all have this strange... And by the way, we all have it. And I want to say that here. I have that too. No one likes listening to the sound of their own voice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
There's something uncomfortable about it. First of all, do you know where that comes from? And then what do we do about that when you're listening back and you just, you know, your whole body, your face, everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Not anymore.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah. It's all that discomfort in the beginning that we all need to go through. We were talking about this earlier. So I was really fortunate. Because when I was 11 years old, my parents were so scared that I was so shy and so insecure that they forced me to go to public speaking school. And so my school had an extracurricular activity with the London Academy of Music, Drama and Arts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
For seven years, I had about three sessions a week of two to three hours each. It was fairly rigorous and you'd have to take exams. And the exams were pretty rigorous too. So every year you'd go to this exam class and you turn up and the examiner would be in a room. And before you even meet the examiner, you'd get, you could take a book.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
It could be any book you wanted, but they were going to pick any page and ask you to read it in a emotive, dramatic and powerful way. And so they could pick any page out of a book. The next part of the test was they would give you a topic 15 minutes before. You'd be in a library. This is when we didn't have- The internet. Yeah, exactly. There probably was the internet, but there wasn't this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
They wanted to keep you away from all of that. You'd be in a library and you'd have 15 minutes to prep a talk about the dangers of smoking or whatever it was, a topic that they'd picked. And you had to structure a talk out and the talk had to be five minutes long.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And so you had to do that. The third part of it was you had a prepared presentation with visual aids. This is when we still use projector screens.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
With Vin's charisma and simple techniques, he transforms communication training into an engaging and unforgettable experience. Over the past decade, Vin has built a global audience, inspiring millions through social media and live events. Vin teaches individuals the tools to amplify their voice, command attention, and break through communication barriers. Welcome to the show, Vin Jiang.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And then you were tested on that, including the visual aids that you used. And I'm sure there were a couple of other things as well. And then you'd get graded. And it was uncomfortable. We'd be sitting in a class. And remember, we're all like young teenagers at this point.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
So everyone's even more judgmental and more, you know, and you get into the class and you're all making these weird faces to try and warm yourselves up. And they're telling you to enunciate and pronounce all of the letters differently. And you're doing all these silly things. Your friends are laughing at you. And it's exactly what you're saying.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
The reason I brought it up is that it was years of discomfort. It was just years of looking silly, looking stupid, sounding bad, giving a bad talk, giving a bad presentation, walking into a room to then all of a sudden that discomfort changed to confidence. And I find that for most of us, especially as you get older and going through that discomfort becomes harder.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
For example, if me and you, I don't know how old you are, but I tried to pick up a sport a couple of years ago in the pandemic, it was much harder for me to learn a sport at this age than if I played it in my teens. So when you're meeting people who are in their 20s, 30s, maybe 40s, 50s, and they're trying to change their instrument, they're trying to change their voice,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
That discomfort is so much harder than when I started at 11 or whatever age you started at. How do you encourage people to sit with that discomfort, to go through that? Because it is harder.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
No, that's a great, I am so glad you brought that up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Vin, it's so good to see you finally, man. I can't believe it's taken us this long to get together. I've been a fan for a very, very long time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah. A good example is thinking about it like driving. How many bad driving habits have we picked up in the last 20 years because we haven't been tested, we haven't reviewed it, right? And I recently had to redo my driving test because of moving here and getting a state ID and all that kind of stuff. And I realized just how many bad habits you pick up
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Now, I believed myself to be a safe driver and a good driver and a responsible driver. But still, the fact that for 20 years, no one's watched me and checked on me driving, you lose that. And so that's 20 years of driving, which is something we do every day, which is similar to speaking. You're doing it every day, but no one's doing what you're doing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
You're not recording yourself driving and sending it to someone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Oh, thank you, man. I love the way you do what you do. I love the effortlessness. I love the confidence you're giving people, the empowering ability you have to make people feel comfortable in their own skin, in their own voice. And I want to start by just asking you, like, what made you commit your life to helping people find their voice and find their confidence?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah. And that's the point that I really want people to get. I remember sitting and watching one of my favorite comedians who became a friend and he was just brilliant. Like he would have... the audience laughing and in raptures, like in the palm of his hand, right? And, but everything looked and felt completely off the cuff. So he'd literally just turn up on stage.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
It wasn't like, he wasn't in the flow. Sometimes you watch a comedian and you can tell there's an arc and you can tell there's a story and you can tell it's planned.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
this guy would literally come up. He'd be like, hey, has anyone read any books lately? And like someone would name a book. He'd be like, oh yeah, I read that page. And he'd make a joke out of it. And then someone else, and he'd be like, oh, what's your favorite song right now? And it's all a conversation. Brings out a song. Oh yeah, I can't believe he said that lyric. Makes a joke about the lyric.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And it was unbelievable to watch. And I spoke to him afterwards and I said to him, I said, who did you learn that from? Like, where did that come from? He said, I've practiced it so much that it looks spontaneous, but it's completely trained. And I think that's what everyone wants. Everyone wants for it to look spontaneous, but that took years of discomfort, courage, failure, training, mastery.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
When I'm telling a story or hosting a podcast, I'm not trying to sound like anything because your voice has for so many years become that way. And I'm at a point in my career, for sure, I was asked to give, I just gave three keynotes in the Middle East in January and in Dubai. And I said to myself, I'm going to walk into these and just channel.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Like, I just want to go in there and just be, I'm not going to, I'm going to have some notes. I know what I need to talk about. I know the title of the talk, but I'm just going to be, and I had so much fun. I had so much fun and it seemed like the feedback was great for the audience, whatever, but it was just so much fun for me. Because I was like, I just want to feed off the energy in the room.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And they were all, and my friend, one of my best friends, he came with me. And he was like, Jay, every talk was different. He goes, at the One Billion Summit, you were hilarious. Like, it was like watching a comedian. And then he goes, at Mindvalley, it was really deep and like, you know, philosophical. And then at the other place, the corporate event, it was very professional.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
He was like, there were three talks in three days and they were all completely different. And I was like, because I was just feeling the energy of the room.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And I loved that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Walk me through how many hours, how much time, how many years have you seen people take to get to a point where they feel that sense? A sense of mastery. Of unconscious competence. Not of mastery because that can take many years, but of a sense of comfortability where it's flowing and they don't feel phony and contrived anymore. What have you seen?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I'm getting shivers just you saying it. It's like goosebumps.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
What I love about it is that there was so much discovery for me on that stage. And that's what I do it for. I don't do it to show off or be like, oh, look, I don't need to prepare or be lazy or not respect my client. I do it for discovery. And what I mean by that is when I don't plan to that 100%, I now have the opportunity to find and discover in the moment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
So there were so many things that I said in those three keynotes that I've never said in my life. And that's where I get joy. Yeah, you create. And I said that first because I wanted to take it back and say, My first experience of public speaking, I want to ask you about yours. I was around seven years old and my mum always wanted me to be on stage and do things like that and I didn't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And so it was a religious assembly and I was dressed as people from my culture and I was asked to go and sing and speak on this prayer in front of my class. Now I grew up in London. I grew up in an area where there weren't loads of Indian people like me. I'm now on stage dressed in traditional garb, but it was basically me wrapped in a sari, if you've ever seen that. Yes, I have.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And my mom had even put some makeup on me probably to try and make me look more the part and it didn't help. And then I'm on stage in front of all my friends. I'm seven, eight years old, something like that. And I stand up there with this prayer that I'm not that well versed in or practiced. And I start singing it. I have a terrible singing voice and that's not humble.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
There's a difference between a speaking voice and a singing voice. I can't sing to save my life. And I start singing and the whole audience starts laughing immediately. Like literally all my friends are rolling on the floor laughing. And now I'm starting to cry because I felt really embarrassed. And I look down because I forgot the words.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And now I can't see the words because my tears have blurred the words in my paper. So I've lost the notes. So I also don't know the words. And then to make it even worse than that, my teacher walks on stage. She puts her arm around me and walks me off, which is the most embarrassing thing in the world. And so I go from that at eight years old
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And this is why I love what you're doing for the world because you're showing and proving you can build this skill. It is a muscle. And that was my first experience of public speaking. A few years after that, after all the training as well, I was probably speaking in rooms of zero to five people. and pouring my heart out into just five people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And even now, when I look back, I loved it because I just got to be so proficient and practiced. And so when someone's saying, oh, do I have to do this for four weeks or wait, only five people are showing up or whatever those things are, those are actually really, really beautiful moments. I wanted to ask you, what was your first time public speaking? What was the first ever experience on stage?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Have you recovered from that experience? I have now. I have now. But even though I started getting trained when I was 11, I probably didn't get half decent until I was like 17 or 18. That's why when you said you can get people then three to four years, I'm like, that's pretty good. Because if I started at 11, I probably got half decent at 16 to 18. I wasn't good when I was like 12, 13, 14.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
All those years were just, you know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Wow, that is traumatic, man, to actually bleed, to be that nervous, to be that stressed. Yeah, that's how stressed I was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, to experience that. I love that that's where you started, and now when I watch your videos, I'm like, this guy's a genius. Let's take a short break to hear from our sponsors.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
All right, thank you to our sponsors. Now let's dive back in. One of the things I was thinking about as we're doing this, and I'm really trying to put myself in... your audience issues, my audience issues, the community that struggles with this. One thing that I've definitely seen as I've traveled, and we both have international audiences, is this fear that people have around their accents.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And that can often make people quite unconfident. And it's really interesting because obviously when I moved to the States, People really enjoy listening to a British accent in the States. But where I was growing up in London, to me, the smartest people sounded American accents, professors, Harvard, Princeton, Stanford.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
When you heard these professors do TED Talks or whatever it was, it was always in an American accent. And it's almost like in England, we grew up on American rap music. You grow up to such a culture that our feelings are skewed towards certain accents.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And so if you're from a country where you feel, or a state or anywhere, even in the United States, you may feel like your accent isn't well received. How does someone deal with that kind of pressure?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Fascinating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Should we get a couple of pens?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Ryan, can you pass us a couple of pens?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Just so that people realize. Yeah, and see what it is. Yeah, and that we also need to do these. We do. I'm probably going to contact you straight after this and go, Vin, I'm not kidding you. I mean this. Thank you so much. What type of pen? Does it matter?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
From the way you're talking about it, you're saying that everyone can go from being a shy, insecure, unconfident speaker to being a prolific speaker like yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
There we go.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Look, you can see what I've done with this one. We'll do this for a segment. Yeah. But what I was saying was, as soon as we finish this podcast, I'm probably going to message you and say, Vin, can you please critique...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I'm going to send you a speech and ask you to help me get better because I think the mistake is also that you get there and then you don't need these techniques or that you don't need to improve and that you don't need to work on it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I think about it all the time. So anyway, let's, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Okay. So, Vin, how are you today?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah, I just got back from Mexico yesterday. Oh, that's great. And I went to a friend's wedding and we had a really good time. Oh, that's beautiful. I'm really happy for him.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Totally. I can actually feel like we've worked out. Like that's what it feels like. And that we did it for 30 seconds. Absolutely. And you can keep that pen.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I genuinely feel the difference from such a short period of time. And I could tell if I did it for longer, it would make an even bigger difference.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yes. And that's what we're seeing in music in the world right now anyway. You're seeing languages pour in through different artists and people. And it's such a need for that. I wanted to ask you something because this was a big evolution point for me. So from 11 to 18, I went to public speaking school. I got the tools is how I like to see it. But it was only when I met
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
the monks and I started to learn about Eastern wisdom and philosophy that I felt I had something to talk about. And I wanted to ask you how much you weight the balance between what you have to say and how you say it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah, no, I'm glad I brought that up because I think a lot of people... are struggling with either or. Like someone may come to you, they may learn all the tools, but then they're going to have to find what they use it for. And like you said, there may be someone else who actually has lots of knowledge, but then they don't have the tools to share the wisdom or the insight.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
That's awesome. I didn't know that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
What about someone who comes to you and says, I talk too fast? How do you teach people to slow down? Because I think that we're all scared of pauses, right? Everyone's always trying to fill the gaps. Even if you're in a conversation with someone, We don't like pauses.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I've for years had to practice the ability to say it's okay if I need to look away, if I need to think, if I need to reflect, if I actually just need to take something in, whether I'm on a podcast on stage or in a private meeting. How do we get comfortable with slowing down and pausing rather than trying to fill all the space? Because that's such a natural thing to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Nothing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
You speak about it so powerfully and it's so convincing. I'm like, this has to hit because I applied that even, and that come back to Zoom calls, meetings, everything. I think it's so important to not feel that the person who talks the fastest is is the one who will get their point in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And I think that's sometimes the thing of like, hey guys, I just really want to share this with you because if we just did this, this would solve everything. This is the thing. And it's almost like you've actually lost all importance because of that pace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah, I really appreciate your switch to the audience consciousness versus the us consciousness. Because it seems really small. It seems really obvious. It seems kind of, of course, that makes sense. But it really is everything. Because all of a sudden...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
if you're thinking about being impressive, that's a really hard place to live from because now you're judging every word that comes out of your mouth and judging whether it's impressive, whether it's powerful, whether it's profound, whether it's whatever it is. And now you actually have no thinking space to actually be profound, impressive and all those things you want it to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
It's just not possible. Whereas if you were thinking, hey, what's that person in the audience struggling with? What are they really struggling with? What's their challenge? What's the thing that, and that's why, that's how we started this conversation. I was like, what's everyone worried about when they come to you? Because to me, that's the most important thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And if I know that what they're worried about is their accent, their voice, their whatever it may be, now all of a sudden I can address that and I can speak to that. And actually I can make them aware that I'm aware of that And that's the same in a meeting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I think sometimes if someone said to me in a meeting, Jay, I know that you really want the podcast to be a special place for people to really learn, grow, and heal. I know that it's a big priority in your life. And I know that it's something that you've put your heart into for six years. This is how to make it better. All of a sudden-
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I'm like, I'm all ears because I feel like you actually get where I'm at and where I'm coming from. Whereas if someone said, hey, you know what? I've just got this really great idea I want to share with you. I'm like, well, I don't know if it's a great idea or not because I don't even know if we're on the same page.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And so walk me through some of the ways people can establish by what they're saying and how they want. You did this beautiful video. Well, you're on stage, but I loved it. I absolutely loved it. And I realized I do it unconsciously. And when I saw you explain it, I was like, there you go. That's why you're such a great coach and such a great teacher.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
It was that idea of meeting people where they're at. And you were saying that when people come to you and they're like, oh, Vin, you're amazing on stage and you were great. And they speak really quietly. And you said, if you come back to that and go, yeah, what did you like about it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
But that's what I wanted to ask you. So how do we do that in a meeting? How do we do that in our daily life where sometimes what we're saying, but also how we're saying it, we're not even giving it the importance it deserves. How do we establish more authority and influence when we are sharing an idea, when we are proposing a method?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah. I think that's so important because you could start up a Zoom call and someone turns up and they're in a really sad, low mood. Yeah. And in your head, you're thinking, come on, like, come on, bring more energy. Right. And then you get frustrated. Yeah. And now you feel you're dragging them up a hill. Whereas if you were like, hey, I just want to check in with you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And we justify it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I'm really glad you made that point because I was saying that to you earlier, when I'm on the podcast, I'm a certain way because it's a conversation. Yes. But when I'm on stage, I get the license to be funny. Yes, yes. banter with people and bring people in the audience into that conversation because I can. Yeah, you're a bigger version of you. Totally.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I always say that when I'm on stage, I'm the 360 version of myself because I get to be all things to everyone that I want to be. Whereas here, I'm having a one-to-one conversation. This is kind of what I'm like when I'm having a one-to-one conversation with a friend, a family member, whatever it may be, because that's my natural way of being.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And then if I'm making a video where there's no people... Yeah. I find it, that's like the most minimal version of me. Oh, really? Yeah, because it's, to me, it's all about energy exchange.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
So if I'm in a room full of 10, 20, 30 people, maybe 10,000 people, there's so much energy to play with. It can be fun, it can be this, it can be that. When I'm with you, we're matching each other's energy. And then if I'm on my own and there's just a camera, Then I can think about who's going to watch it. But really, I'm only letting 1% of me be me. For me, for me, I'm saying.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I'm not saying that's the way for everyone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah. I've always loved that model of unconscious incompetence to unconscious competence. And for anyone who doesn't know it,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
It's such an art. And what we're talking about is obviously the spectrum of the expertise, the mastery, all the way through to the challenge. And it does blow my mind that public speaking comes out as the number one fear in the world. And 75% of the world's population is scared of public speaking. And it's something we have to do every single day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
The four stages. The bottom stage is unconscious incompetence. When you are unconscious of your incompetence, you have no idea what you're doing wrong. You probably don't know that you um, ah, try and fill every pause, say like at the end of every sentence, whatever it may be. And we all have an unconscious incompetence, especially in the way we speak.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I never even put the two and two together. It's such a great point that they're actually practicing that exact method. But first, here's a quick word from the brands that support the show.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
All right, thank you to our sponsors. Now let's dive back in. When I left the monastery and I got a job at Accenture, we had someone come and do public speaking training while we were at the company. I wish it was you, it wasn't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
No, no, no. But they had us film ourselves and it was really interesting to me I believed at that point that I was, I wouldn't say I was a seasoned speaker, but I was a very experienced speaker because even as a monk, I gave three hour lectures every day. And so there was a lot of speaking involved in teaching from scripture and wisdom and the literatures that we had.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
But it was really interesting. As a monk, I would sit and speak Like you'd sit on a low, it's called a Vyasa San in the Indian language. I don't know what it would be described as. I guess it's a very low bench. Like you may have seen it in movies or whatever it may be. It's just very, very low and it's a small seat.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And that's when we have this mindset that you're saying where we think it's our voice, but actually it's just practice behaviors. And then above from that, which is what I love, this is what you do so phenomenally well when you're with your audiences is conscious incompetence. You're helping people become aware of how our body language, our voice, our tonality affects us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And so you're sitting cross-legged, lowest position, and your hands are usually in there. And you may use some hand gestures, but generally they're rested and it's a smaller group. I would stand and talk if I was giving a talk to university students, which I did while I was a monk as well. And maybe there'd be a circle of people. But then we videoed ourselves and it was really interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I found myself in that video just doing this the whole time. And then I watched that video back and I found that that's all I did with my hands at that time. And it was so powerful to be able to see how you, and it looked so cringe, right? It just, but it was that every time I made a point, I'd do this and then I'd come back to here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And that's a very like, you know, as a monk, our palms wouldn't actually be rested, meditation, whatever. And it was so interesting how I'd taken that habit.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Into my work life. Oh, right. Right? And I was giving a corporate talk at the time. But what I'm saying is I'm reiterating the point of needing to film yourself speaking. Like I stand by it fully and I think you're spot on making people do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
100%.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And then above that, for everyone who doesn't know the model, is conscious competence. Correct. Where now you know why you move your hand that way and why you choose to lower your voice or lower your pitch or whatever it may be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Absolutely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
It's all right. We share one of our favorite communicators, which is a bit more obscure that most people may not be aware of and may not see him as a communicator. It's Derren Brown. I think Derren is absolutely, Derren is my favorite person on stage to watch. Showmanship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
From the humour to the pacing to the body language to when to sit, when to stand.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
But that's what it is. I love hearing that story that you went there three times, even though you knew what trick he was going to do. It's the same thing. Because that's what you're doing. You're studying the art of what worked.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And then the other speech that I love, probably my favorite, favorite, favorite speech of all time that I've listened to the most at least, is Steve Jobs' Stanford commencement speech. Oh, wow. And it's a really interesting speech because there's no body gestures. There's no use of hands. There's nothing. It's potentially even monotonous.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I think he speaks at the same volume pretty much the whole time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's something just so profound. His voice is phenomenal. Talk to me through why that works. Why so many people love that speech? Apart from it being Steve Jobs.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Because I don't like to be like, oh, it was a good speech because it was Steve, everyone loved it. No, no, no. There was still something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I agree.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah, a good balance one that I've seen is Matthew McConaughey's Oscar speech when he accepted for Dallas Buyers Club. It's like that perfect balance between, I mean, he's got an amazing voice, phenomenal orator and communicator, and at the same time, the content's so profound.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And so you see a great marriage of the two in that one where there's showmanship, there's performance, and there's potency.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And you're right. I agree with you. I only brought up the Steve Jobs one because, and I love the way you explained it. I'm so glad I asked it because that idea of the lyrics just being so profound. You can just read it. Realized he literally read it off a piece of paper and you're listening to every single word. I mean, you know, it's so powerful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I was going to ask you, people can sense when something feels inauthentic. What are we sensing?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah, not great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Let's talk about that. I think that's one of the biggest challenges because I think we're both sitting here as people who've trained, worked hard at our craft, worked hard at our art. And now at this point, it does feel like unconscious competence. Yeah. But a lot of people say, well, no, but if you had to learn it, then it's fake. It's unnatural. It's not real. It's phony.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah, and I love that point, man. I love your heart for saying that too, that- So much of the time when we think someone's inauthentic, it's really just inexperience.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah, they're trying something new.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And we always look at it and we judge them and we think, oh, they're fake. And half the time it's just someone trying to figure something out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Vin, it's been such a joy talking to you, man. You're brilliant. You're not just a brilliant communicator. You've got a great heart too. And it comes across in the way you want to help people and see them grow. And the amount that you've thought through the challenges, the trip ups, all the blocks that we run into, man, it's really beautiful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And I really thank you and commend you for your amazing work. And it's very special. So thank you, man.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
No, I'm a fan, so it's easy. We end every episode of On Purpose with a final five. These have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Are you serious? Yeah, so you can't. This is my kryptonite.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
But what's the difference between developing a skill versus faking it? Like, what's the difference?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I'll probably break it for you because you're such a good explainer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I'll let you do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
The first question, what's the best piece of communication advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
That was a great sentence.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Long sentences are fine. Second question. What's the worst communication advice you've ever heard, received or given?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I was literally given that advice. What do you meant? You can expand.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
And also you get no feedback. You have no energetic exchange.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Arrogant, yeah. That's interesting. I never thought about that. All right. Question number three on that point. Why does our body and our hands shake when we're nervous?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I love it. Question number four. What's something that you used to believe was true about communication, but not anymore?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Walk me through that conversation. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
They must be really proud now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah, that's beautiful, man. Thank you for sharing that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Fifth and final question we ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Vin Jiang, thank you so much. Such an honor having you here. I hope I get to do this many, many more times together. Thank you, Jay. If all of you are listening and watching, if you don't already follow Vin on social media, we will put all the links in the comments. Go and follow him across TikTok, Instagram, all platforms.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I really hope that this episode makes you a better communicator to your partner, your parents. in your profession, in all areas of your life. It's such a key skill that's needed. And I would love to see on Instagram and TikTok, the clips, the moments, the parts that really stood out to you. Tag us both so we can see what you're practicing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
If you do a video of yourself every day and start posting or practicing, tag us in it. I want to see it. I really, really want to see it. I really, really want to see it. It would be so awesome. I'd love to be able to interact with you all and see how much you've grown from it. And again, Vin, you are welcome back to On Purpose anytime you want. So-
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Thank you. Cheers, brother. Thank you. If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr. Gabor Mate on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
I love that concept of we change our hair, we change our glasses, change our clothes, but we don't change the way we communicate. And I was going to ask you, when you have so many people coming to see you speak, what are the top three things, the practical problems that people are coming to solve when they come to you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
So when someone comes and says, Vin, I need your help, what are they trying to solve in their life? The top three things that you hear.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Yeah, that's what I wanted to get to is that's the problem. I feel someone may see your work and they'll say, well, I don't want to be a public speaker. That's right. That's not the point. The point is there's a promotion that you're not getting because you don't have authority. Or the challenge is, you're not able to ask out the person on a date that you really want to take out on a date.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Communication Expert Vinh Giang: Why You Keep Getting Interrupted (How to Use Your Voice So People ACTUALLY Listen)
Like you don't feel that confidence. Or there's the challenge of you're in a team meeting and you feel like your voice is never heard. People always overlook your opinion. They don't hear you. What are some of those stories that you've heard of people that have had those types of challenges that are coming to you and saying exactly like the one you just told us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And I believe we work on it consistently and that's why it becomes easier than it would become harder. But I feel like there's this... Disney magic belief we still all carry so deep rooted in us that love should be easy. What would you say to someone who is carrying that experience or that vision of love in their heart and mind?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
right that's so good so I think it's so important for people to realize that don't listen to what your friends say about how they met because it's going to be filtered through how they feel about each other right now that is I'm so glad you raised that that is such uh that's such a great insight and I I wish if everyone's listening right now please please please like let that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Through our commitment to our wellness journey and striving to fuel our bodies with the healthiest ingredients, it's been our purpose to make healthy choices accessible for all, which is why Juni is now on shelves at Target. So head to our store locator at drinkjuni.com and find Juni at a Target near you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
deeply connect with your heart and head because I think that's one of the reasons we all make mistakes. We're either forcing ourselves to look for the perfection in the moment. And like you said, some of the best relationships start by, it's fine. It's okay. I'm not sure. And also to not over amplify that first meeting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
I think we put so much pressure on the first date, the first kiss, the first time of being intimate with someone, the first of everything is like such a- So weighted. So weighted, right? Yes. Unfairly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Absolutely. I mean, Laurie, you just did this genius therapy question thing there that I want people to notice. I think you're so right that after a first date, the number one thing we focus on is how did I feel about them? And our friends will ask us, what did you think of them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And you just shifted that question that you asked one of your patients, the question being, how did you feel about yourself?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And I think that's so powerful because you're so right that if you're only looking at the other person and making your assumptions and judgments on whether they're interesting, whether they're exciting, whether they're someone who can entertain you rather than going, how did I feel about myself? And it was so interesting. I was just saying to one of my friends, I was saying that,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
when do you feel peaceful around someone? And I was saying peaceful around someone usually isn't exciting. It's usually not exhilarating, but you feel a sense of calm when you're around them. They kind of relax your nervous system a little bit. And so when you ask the question, how did I feel about myself? And you're like, I felt natural. I felt comfortable. I actually felt really good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
All of a sudden, like, oh, I didn't feel butterflies and I wasn't constantly nervous and I wasn't trying to impress them. So this is actually a much healthier space to live in. So I love that reframe of after a first date, not asking yourself, what did I think of them? Are they interesting? Are they the one? How did I feel about myself? I think that's a brilliant, brilliant note.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Therapist, best-selling author, Rory Gottlieb. What would you say to someone who's saying, I have to kind of compromise and make sure this is the one because I have to get to that point because I want to be in a relationship. I'm going to get the worst pick of the bunch because I'm 35 years old and I haven't found someone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my on-purpose podcast live and in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
We'll dive into experiences designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me and get yours today. I think, Laurie, we're uncovering something really interesting here. I feel like we don't know what human connection is. I feel like we don't know what human love is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Like what we're getting to here, it's like, because it is so hard to define, I guess, but there's a sense of we don't know what healthy connection, communication looks like, because chances are we haven't seen it at home. We haven't seen it around us. We haven't seen it in the media. So there's a sense of not being able to mirror
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
or not being able to reflect something that embodies that deep, profound experience of love. So when you're saying you're not looking at someone who's giving you the ability to feel listened, heard, seen, like what,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
What is, from all of your experience and everything you've read, you've done this for decades now, like what have you seen are the core values of human connection that we should be aspiring for in a healthy relationship? Can we even define those?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Am I behind for being single at 28?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
It's such a great point. And even hearing you say that, I'm like, it resonates so strongly with how I see love and how much I see the conflicts that exist in relationships being because people love each other, but they don't understand each other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
That's so true. It's resonating so strongly with me too. And that idea of we think that if I say I love you, that means I understand you. Yes. But the person on the other side is saying, no, I get that you love me, but you're not understanding me. You're not hearing me. You're not seeing me. And I often think that we think love makes up for a lack of understanding. But love can't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
the number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Love can't complete a lack of understanding. Love can't complete the fact that you haven't really listened to what the other person is saying because love can often be this overarching emotion as opposed to what you're saying, this active verb that's being expressed. And so I think that's a great takeaway for people is, is someone actually trying to understand you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And I think we have this intuitive feeling that... If someone completes our sentences on the first day or they like the same things we like, then they must understand us, right? If we're talking about our favorite foods and we both agree that Italian cuisine is our favorite food, or we both agree that we love comedy movies and we love, we always, we feel understood.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And I feel like both people in that moment of feeling understood, stop trying to understand and be understood. Does that make sense?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I am so grateful that you're here with me today. Thank you for lending me your ears and eyes for the next few moments as we dive in to how you can become happier, healthier, and more healed. Today's guest is one of your favorites. You absolutely love it. Whenever she's on the show, we've obviously reached out already to you,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Mm-hmm. That's so well put. And I think we struggle with that so much because we don't have enough self-awareness of our own operating instructions. And then we have this warped view that love means you should be able to understand and read in between the lines. And none of us read the operating instructions for our devices today. So we're also not reading between the lines.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And the other person sitting there going, well, if you love me, you'd know all of this. How can you not know after 10 years that... I love celebrating my birthday or anniversaries are really important to me. And it's fascinating to me that we don't want to help people help us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
for your questions for her as well. I'm talking about your favorite therapist, Laurie Gutlieb, psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, which has sold nearly 2 million copies and is currently being adapted as a television series. In addition to her clinical practice, she's the co-host of the popular Dear Therapist podcast.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
I agree. I agree. A few years ago, me and my wife, after never knowing what to do for each other's birthdays and always getting it wrong, we set that pact with each other where we're like, we're just going to tell each other. three to four months in advance what we'd like to do for our birthdays. Her birthday's in July. It just actually went two days ago. And then my birthday's in September.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And we're just like, we're just going to tell each other what we want, what kind of party we want, what we want. So this year she was thinking about doing something. She was like, I want that. And then she was like, no, actually, I just want to do nothing. And she's generally...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
I, over the years, I always did extravagant things because I like extravagant things and realized I was giving her the birthday party I wanted.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And she was giving me the birthday party she wanted. And so that's what we just started telling each other. And so she said to me, she was like, I just want to do something really small. That's what we did. It was beautiful. And then she was telling me, what do you want? I was like, I just want to do something with just me and you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
I was like, whatever it is, as long as it's just me and you, I'm open to it. And I think it's become so much more fun being able to not have to live in this anxiety and anticipation of, do they understand me? Have I dropped enough hints? Do they get the magic? And then feeling disappointed or even feeling like they got it all, but... Oh, it's because I gave them all the notes anyway.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And so you're so right that we've removed the magic because we've shared what we want.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
If you're not subscribed already, make sure you go and do that. Welcome back to On Purpose, Laurie Gutlieb. Laurie, it's great to have you back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Mm-hmm.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Yeah, and we give ourselves credit for that. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, no, and you're so right. I think it comes with so many things that we think asking for help or telling people what we actually need or having a request is a weakness.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
We see it as a sign of a weak relationship when actually it's the sign of strong self-awareness and a strong relationship that you have the ability to share your desires, your needs, your interests, and the other person has the ability to comprehend and take action on them. That is actually a healthy long-term relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And, yeah, I hope that this conversation can encourage people, if you're in a relationship, even if you're starting out in one, these are great habits to set early on, rather than wasting three to five years making mistakes, trying to figure it out, carrying that baggage and then figuring it out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Honestly, every time you come in here and we have these conversations, they just go crazy viral online. People love your advice. They love your insight. They always want you back. And I'm so thankful to you that you always choose to come back. So it means a lot to me that you're back here with me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And totally, I feel like A lot of the reason why we don't say something in the beginning or in the early stages is either we want to give the other person grace. We don't want to be disliked for giving feedback and we want to be liked. It can be well-intentioned of maybe they'll change, maybe they'll notice. But actually, as you said, all we're doing is,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
is the problem's getting bigger and bigger and bigger for us. It's becoming less and less big for that individual. And so now the distance between you and that person when you share that problem is so far and wide because they've started to devalue being on time because you don't seem to care. And you've started overvalue being on time. And so now you're at two opposite ends of the spectrum.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And now you can't hear each other because you're so far away from each other. And I find that so interesting that when you try to avoid problems and the other person becomes more and more unaware, you just become further apart so that then when you raise the problem, they can't hear you because you're so far away from each other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
We've done what we did last time because people loved it so much. We've gone out to our audience, gone out to our community. I've even reached out to some friends and I've crowdsourced all of their challenges, all of their issues, all of their real life experiences that they're going through. And some of these people don't have access to therapists. Some of these people maybe can't afford it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Yeah. I wish what I'm hearing is, and I think about this all the time when I'm working with coaching clients or talking to friends or our community is just, I wish and hope for everyone listening that we could be more curious about the context of people's decisions and choices rather than just the choice or decision in isolation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
So we see someone being late as they're just late rather than the context, which you just so beautifully described, which could be anything from I can't leave work early through to whatever else it may be. And it's almost like we see those as excuses rather than as context. Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
If we start recognizing that every person you're looking at has a whole history of relationships and experiences and background and your job in order to be with someone is to research that and to discover that and understand how those points connect and dots connect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And then all of a sudden you're looking at a real human being who has complexities and has layers as opposed to this idea of they chose to be late because they disrespected me. When it's not really about you, potentially.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
A lot of what, Laurie, you're saying, and I agree with, and I also am sharing, is this sense of taking accountability, taking responsibility. But a lot of the time, a lot of therapies speak on social media, especially, and has made it feel like we're always the victim and everyone else is the problem.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And so when we use words like gaslighting and, you know, boundary setting and whatever else it may be, a lot of that language starts to make it feel like, well, I'm perfect and the other person was the issue. But you're actually, you know, and I'm totally with you on that. We're flipping that and going, well, no, let's really look at
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
how we can look at things differently and how we can change how we behave. Walk me through that balance and how you encourage people to make sense of both, because it's the saying is as old as it goes, like, you know, it takes two to tango. It takes two, like, you know, it's always going to take two. And so, but, but we, we try and make it that it has to be one or the other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
So how do we, how do we balance that, reconcile that in a healthy way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Some of these people... maybe even have therapists, but are still struggling and trying to figure it out. And so I love the fact that we can use you as our community therapist and learn from you. So I want to dive straight in. Sure. One of the biggest questions I'm hearing and getting from people in my community and audience is, am I behind for being single at 28?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
The way we have to think about it is that people are probably going to keep breaking your boundaries. Are you going to keep them in that situation, right? That's what's happening there. It's like a boundary set for you to protect you from yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
From giving in to a scenario and a situation which you can't control. But we think a boundary is almost an order or a law that other people have to follow. And the truth is... you can't control them. Like they're going to act how they're going to act. And you've got to set a boundary where you know how to behave and you know how to act.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
I'm so glad that you talked about your feelings around how therapy speakers is healthy. It's important for people to have these conversations about how certain words are being misused and bent online because...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
I do think that it creates exactly what you said, a culture where we think that everyone we meet is a narcissist because everyone has 1% of a narcissist in them or everyone we meet is a gaslighter. And it starts to create a really unhealthy belief system around who we're around. I watched this movie recently.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
I didn't get great ratings on Rotten Tomatoes, but I saw it on a plane and I watched it out of intrigue. It's called Cat Person. And it's based on this element of catfishing. It's kind of like a satire parody thriller of the...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
challenges of modern dating but how so much of those challenges are in our head but how they can transform into reality and if anyone hasn't watched it it's a fun one-time watch on a plane or you know one night with a friend or whatever it may be but what i appreciated about it is it talked about this idea of how we kind of start viewing people as more crazy or psychotic than they might be because of these little clues that we've been trained to look out for if that makes sense
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Absolutely. Absolutely. One of the ways that that kind of transpires into a bigger moment that our community had a lot of questions around was, what's the right amount of pressure for someone to get married or propose to you? Because I think people get to this point.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
where they feel like we've invested so much time, we're together, we're here, but this person is just not proposing, they don't want to get married, whatever it may be. And that gets to this point of this ultimatum of like, and now there's even a TV show called The Ultimatum, which is all about people dealing with that period in their life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
So what does someone do in that scenario where they feel there's good commitment, we're getting somewhere, but the other person isn't showing this commitment excitement, enthusiasm, or even taking action on taking this relationship to the next level.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Or never. Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
I feel like that's such a hard thing to face, right? Because we think the problem is external to us. And what you're saying is, well, actually the work needs to be done internally. And so often we're trying to solve and shift and construct what's happening around of us rather than looking inward. Why do you think that is? Why is it that we struggle to actually do the work?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
But that's so much healthier than an ultimatum too, because I think we also get, again, it goes back to what we were talking about earlier. You haven't given that regular check-in. You haven't touched base. You don't really know what that person's belief system is around marriage or whatever else it may be. And all of a sudden it's built up for you as this big thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And now you're like, okay, well, either you marry me or we're over. And then that's not comfortable for that person either because now they feel they're forced into a choice as opposed to a sense of how do you feel about this? And what are your thoughts about this? Again, it comes back to we're so scared of appearing to be naggy. We're so scared of appearing to be high maintenance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
We're so scared of appearing to be the one who's needy or desperate or whatever it may be. But we are feeling all of those things. because we're not checking, how do we get over this hurdle? And by the way, you experience it in both. Like a lot of people don't break up with people for years because they don't want to be seen as the bad person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
The amount of people I've spoken to who are like, oh, if I break up with her, if I break up with them, if I break up with him, oh my God, he's just going to hate me and I'm going to be the worst. And I just don't want to do that to them. And they're a nice person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
But really all we're saying is I just don't want to, I want to be liked in both scenarios, whether it's, I don't want to nag them to marry me and propose. I don't want to break up with them because I don't want them to see me negatively. How do we get over that hurdle of recognizing that we're putting off the best decision for us or conversation and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
because we want to be liked in a space that we can't, does that make sense? You know what I'm trying to say, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
What does that look like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
But we're so, it's, I'm fully with you. I just find that we're so, it's so hardwired in us. Like we're so scared of rejection. Yeah. We're so scared of being able to say, this is how I feel because we're like, oh, that person's just going to walk away from me. Like this is the thing that, I'm going to lose this person over if I really tell them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And I think often, Laura, you've probably seen that people don't know how to effectively weigh their emotions. So everything's a 10. So, right, it's like, oh, they were late. That's a 10. They're seeing other people. That's a 10. Like everything's a 10. And so I think we're also bad at being like, okay, well, this doesn't need to be raised because it's a two.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And yet this does need to be raised because it is a nine. And this is a minus five, like I'm just being ridiculous here. And so I think because we weigh everything as a 10, then we don't know how to, does that make sense? It does.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Yeah, definitely. Yeah, there's that famous statement that says we judge other people by their actions, not their intentions. Yes. And we judge ourselves by our intentions, not our actions. And when we're looking at someone else, we're blind to their intention. It's just what they said or what they did. Whereas when we look at ourselves, we can justify why we said it and why we did that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And we have to start offering both sides that grace and compassion and empathy, because otherwise we're going to constantly feel that everything's against us and everyone's not for us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Yeah, yeah, exactly. One of the biggest, this is, I'm enjoying this conversation so much, Laurie, because I feel like we're really getting to like the heart and the core of so much of what I feel is making dating so challenging right now. And, you know, finding love is just such a important pillar of human happiness and connection that...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
It breaks my heart when I see that we're tripping ourselves up. And when I asked my community what was one of the things that they think trips them up, it was this idea that they have now coined future tripping, this idea of planning the future in their head
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
visioning a future with this person when things are looking okay or good in their head they're you know in the most extreme cases imagining their wedding day or what their kids might look like but even in the immediate sense like this could be it this is amazing this is going to last and then all of a sudden they get a reality check where that person is not really mirroring that back and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
How do we stop ourselves from future tripping? Or is there a healthy way of future tripping with the person? Is there a collective, collaborative future tripping? Like what does that look like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Yeah. And like you're saying, like if you are making plans in your head, but you're uncomfortable to talk about those plans, then they only exist in your head. Yeah. Like they aren't real. They aren't going there. I wanted to get your thoughts. I don't know if you watch any of these shows or whether you're exposed to them. And I know that your book's being turned into a scripted show, I believe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Yes, yes. But when you look at unscripted shows, you look at shows like Love Island or Love is Blind. I mean, Love Island right now is culturally one of the most talked about shows for young people, for sure. How do you feel about those shows? And yes, they're entertaining. And yes, we love to get into all the gossip and what's going on and everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
How is that affecting our views and our own relationships?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
That kind of brings me on to this next theme that I want to dive into you deeply around is what is it about the five to seven year mark that ends in a divorce or a breakup? Like, why is that the number that you see in the research? Why has that become such a prominent pivot point or end point? What have you seen over the years?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
So that's what you're being called into. Either you grow together or you grow apart.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Yeah. I just want to say to your point, I've had so many friends who were given the advice that if your relationship's not working out, have a baby and it will save it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
It's never made sense to me because if your relationship's not working, now you have another relationship to take care of. who is a new child, a new human being in the world. And so you're going to give less attention to each other. You've already been given no attention. Now you have less attention to share with each other and more attention on this another being.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
I'm shocked that that advice still gets passed around and people still see it as a viable solution to a bad relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
I'm so glad you said that. I remember talking about it in my... book that I wrote called Eight Rules of Love. And it was this idea of relationship karma. And I was using the concept of karma from the Eastern traditions to understand that karma is every action has a reaction. And it was, can you pinpoint what action you've taken in order to end up in the same experience with a different person?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Yeah. It's almost like you already don't have problem solving skills. You don't have collaboration skills. And now you're having to make choices on behalf of an entirely new human being where the stakes are so high and everything feels like it's personal of whether things are going well for the child or not.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Yeah. One of the questions I ask people when they say to me, like, should we have kids now? Or is it the right time to have children? I often say that I think we're asking the wrong question. Like the question should be, do I know how my life is going to change? And am I ready for that? And am I aware of that? And are we aware of how our life is going to change to the point you're making of, you
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
well, who is going to take the responsibility? And am I going to feel like you're not helping out? And what does that look like? Again, having a conversation about it seems like the practical thing to do. Another relationship that seems to add more complexity since the beginning of time is in-laws. You mentioned it earlier that you have clients that come and see you for that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
The amount of friends I've spoken to recently who have this challenge where they feel that their in-laws are too involved. Their in-laws are not involved. When their in-laws are too involved, they're too controlling of either or one of the partners or they have expectations. They have certain demands on time and holidays and where they're spent and all of these kinds of things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
What I found to be the core pain, again, going back to our earlier conversation, is people feel their partner's parents are too involved, too demanding, too hands-on, but they feel their partner can't stand up to their parents and their partner doesn't understand how it affects them. That's kind of where I've seen the main pressure that people are carrying.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
How does someone deal with the fact that they feel their partner doesn't defend them or stand up for them in front of their partner's parents and therefore they feel their partner doesn't understand what they're going through?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
So as you were saying that whether you keep attracting an avoidant person, you keep attracting someone who doesn't listen to you, you keep attracting someone who is interested for a month, but then disconnects or whatever it may be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Hi, I'm Daniel. I'm a particle physicist, and I think our universe is absolutely extraordinary.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
All right. Well, basically, we're both nerds. We love learning about this extraordinary universe and we love sharing what we've learned. So that's what we're going to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
From the tiniest particles to the biggest blue whales.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Learn all about our amazing and beautiful universe on Daniel and Kelly's Extraordinary Universe every Tuesday and Thursday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And it's like, where, what action have you taken in your choice, in your curation of this individual, in your approach to this individual that has potentially led to that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
What do you do when your partner doesn't have the guts to do that? When they don't have the...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
authority or the the relationship with their own parents which has constantly been they've been babied they've been you know the mummy's boy or whatever it may be and they don't really have the courage to stand up to their parents and say what you just said which isn't rude it's not mean but in their head they're like how could I ever defy my parents like what does that look like or or they're guilt tripped like by their parents where it's like they're like I can never do that to my mom like she's loved me since day one like
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
You just turned up in my life two years ago. Like, what do you do when your partner's feeling that way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Yeah. Yeah. And I find that sometimes, and it can be different in every relationship, but often this, at least in the people I know, the pressure often falls on the man who feels like he's in between his mom and his wife in that kind of a setup, or at least those are the ones that I'm aware of. And I'm sure it takes all sorts of forms, but it's often quite a heavy pressure that I know a
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And they're like, I don't want to let my mom down. And I don't want to let my wife down. And now I'm stuck in between these two things. And it's almost like, who do I choose? And I feel like I have to choose a side.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Yeah, that's great advice. And I really hope that reframe is kind of, you know, permeates. One of the things I imagine you see a lot in therapy is one partner has forced the other partner to come there. Maybe in couples therapy, it's hard for two people to feel equally as excited. Maybe if they're premarital, that may be more equal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
But when it's reactive, it's definitely one saying we need to go to therapy and someone may feel forced. One thing I've found that a lot of people say to me is, Jay, I just can't get my partner to open up. Like whether it's in therapy, whether it's with me, I'm asking them, I'm talking to them. I'm just like, I just want to know what you feel.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Like even with the question you said earlier of like, hey, I have a dream to get married. What's your take on it? And they'll be like, I don't know. Or they'll go quiet when it's like, hey, we need to go talk to your parents about this because they're getting really involved and they just go quiet. They don't know what to say. And they constantly feel that these things
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
their partner doesn't have the capacity to open up. And I find this, especially with young couples, where they're just like, my partner doesn't have an emotional vocabulary. Like they don't have the ability.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
How have you encouraged people in those scenarios to be able to open up or help their partners open up or create a safe space when a lot of people don't have that skill and that ability to actually even know what they're feeling and thinking?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
That's so good. That's such a great visual and analogy. Like if I turn up in a different city or a different country and someone just expected me to know how to speak that language, I would feel so much pressure. And actually we've all experienced that where you're like, I don't even want to try and say a sentence because I feel I'm going to sound so stupid. It's that comfortability.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And that could take a while. This is my last question I want to ask you today, Laurie. How long... not abuse, not something as extreme as that. How long can you tolerate disrespect, confusion, and distance from your partner before you feel this is enough? I can't do it anymore. I feel like every relationship goes through phases and periods of distance, of disconnect, of disagreements.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
It's normal. It's going to happen across a long period of time. But when does an individual say, you know what, I can't do this anymore. I can't keep tolerating this. What have you found that makes people feel strongly about leaning in that direction versus I'm in it for some more?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Laurie, thank you so much for coming and sharing your wealth of wisdom and depth of insight today with our community. I want to thank everyone who's been listening and watching for your amazing questions. Please keep sending them through so that we can keep getting Laurie back. I think you've helped identify so many root issues today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
I feel like we really got to a place of talking about some of the deepest aspects of where we go wrong at the same time as talking about a lot of the day-to-day challenges that we seem to hear about. And I really hope that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Everyone who's listening and watching, I hope this helps you in your love life to find deeper connections, to find more meaningful relationships, and ultimately maintain a natural, healthy, truly nourishing relationship with a partner and wishing you all the best in your love life. So thank you so much again, Laurie, for being here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Yeah, thanks, Laurie. Hey everyone, if you loved that conversation, go and check out my episode with the world's leading therapist, Laurie Gottlieb, where she answers the biggest questions that people ask in therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, and dating. If you're trying to figure out that space right now, you won't want to miss this conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
basically we're both nerds each tuesday and thursday we take an hour-long dive into some science topic learn all about our amazing and beautiful universe on daniel and kelly's extraordinary universe every tuesday and thursday on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts you're listening to an iheart podcast
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Yeah, absolutely. I'm so glad that you've made that the reminder because I think often we validate and make people feel like it's okay that they're single. And I think you are doing that. But I think this is a step further, which is like, you are behind if you're not actually learning from the experiences that got you here and you're not actually refining it. Another pressure that I feel is,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
that mounts on people as time goes on. It's so fascinating to me that we're in 2024. We hope that we're living in a society that is letting go of timelines, that's letting go of gender roles, that's letting go of these boundaries and limits that are placed on us because of what age we are and what gender we are and everything else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
But I find that internally, we all actually still carry a lot of those pressures. And another big question for our community was, if I do get into a relationship in my early 30s, do I now have to rush things? Often what I heard was people were saying, I feel like I have to feel like this person is the one because I'm running out of time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And I have this fear that the pool is getting so much smaller as I get into my early 30s that I'm going to have the worst pick because no good people are going to be left. Now, we know that all of these things are not factually true. They're not data backed. Like these are ideas, but these are the kind of thoughts that I'm hearing from people who are entering that space.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
What would you say to someone who's saying, Laurie, I feel I have to rush things. I have to kind of compromise and make sure this is the one because I have to get to that point because I want to be in a relationship. And actually, I fear that I'm going to get the worst pick of the bunch because I'm 35 years old and I haven't found someone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Okay, I am so excited about this because we've got the first ever merch drop for On Purpose. It's finally here. And for World Mental Health Day, we're doing an exclusive limited edition drop with all the proceeds going to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, NAMI. So now you can wear your On Purpose merch, listen to the podcast, and know that you too are having an impact.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
I want to thank you so much in advance. I can't wait to see all of your pictures wearing the merch, their sweatshirts, a hat, t-shirts. Check it out on our website, jshedyshop.com. That's jshedyshop.com. And remember, 100% of the proceeds go to NAMI. some people are good for you now and some people may become good for you forever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
But this idea that if someone's good for me now and they're not forever, then I don't want them now isn't the healthiest idea because the growth you might make with this person who may not be your forever person could be so powerful and useful in your forever relationship. And you won't know that until you're actually getting to know them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
I had a friend recently who went through that scenario where they felt that this individual they were with was helping them grow, helping them understand themselves. They were doing the same back. And they realized during the course of that relationship that this wasn't the one that was going to be the marriage and the long-term commitment, but they feel like they both grew so much as individuals.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And you constantly in this conversation so far, you've talked about doing the deep work on your own. You've talked about working with that person. What's really interesting is that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
After all this time, and no matter how many books we read, and no matter how many podcasts we listen to, there's still this belief that when we meet the person, it will be easy, it will be simple, and everything will just make sense. I feel like a lot of people also who found love in a magical way will say things like, when you know, you know, and you just feel it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
Hey everyone, it's Jay here. My wife and I have had so much fun creating our own sparkling tea Juni and I've got big news for you. It's at Target and we'd love your support. If you can go out, grab a Juni, you'll be adding adaptogens and nootropics into your life with mood boosting properties aimed at promoting a balanced and happy mind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lori Gottlieb: 7 Answers to Dating Questions You’re Afraid to Ask & How to Break Free from Relationship Timelines
And then people feel like they have to find that feeling and that love should be easy and simple and flow. I'm assuming from what you're saying so far that it's not really the only way. It can require work. It does require work. I've been with my wife for 11 years now and I can honestly say that some parts have been really easy and some parts have required work.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And so it's like, hey, when there's a fire, you're going to walk through this door, you're going to line up outside, you're going to do this. And it's almost like we need that for when the fires appear in our mind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And you've got to do the routine before it happens in reality. Right, right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
What's actually happening to the brain when we ignore anxiety and stress for long periods of time?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. How much do we actually know about the brain and its potential?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. What are our daily activities that are damaging the hippocampus and the prefrontal cortex?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. I've really found also that if we can just find a gap between when you wake up and when you pick up your phone, it just rewires the brain. And I think we have to think about it physically where it goes, okay, well, if I don't put my brain in this space, in the morning, just as I would never wake up to like volume 100 on any song or whatever it may be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
If I just allow my brain some time to like speed up naturally and catch up with the pace of the day, then actually I'll be better at doing everything else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
rather than when I rush my brain from zero to 100 miles per hour with 50 emails and 30 notifications. I'm expecting so much of my brain and no wonder I'm stressed out immediately because my brain's trying to compute and formulate. It's like if your partner turned to you in the morning and said, I want to have a really deep discussion about life first thing in the morning.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
It's like, you'd be like, oh, I don't think I can handle that right now. And it's shocking to me how many of us are putting ourselves in stress by looking at our phones first thing in the morning.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah, definitely. I love hearing that. How long have you done that for?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah, absolutely. And I think the point is you'll get so much more out of your day and your brain. Yes. I think often we think, well, if I skip that, I used to be like this with my wife. She was the one who kept drilling into me how important physical activity was.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And... I was just like, no, I'm fine. And she was like, imagine how alert you'll be. Imagine how focused you'll be. And I didn't believe her. And then when I started to do it, I was like, oh, she's right. And it's such an interesting thing. It's so easy to think I'll accomplish more if I don't make time for meditation, breath work and working out. But you won't, you'll actually accomplish less.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
You'll accomplish. Is that what you found? Does the science show that too?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. Why does it feel like when we're trying to do that, it almost feels like it hurts, right? Like when someone's really trying to focus, it's like you're trying to put all your energy and people can feel like, oh God, it's so tiring or it's exhausting to be present. And it almost feels like you're having to pull yourself in a certain direction, but there's some tension and resistance back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
What are we experiencing? What's going on?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Okay, so it's okay if it hurts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Right. It's almost like you're walking through a path that doesn't exist yet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And so you're having to pave that way. Exactly. So you're the first person walking it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
There's nothing ahead of you. You're chopping down the trees and leaves in front of you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
You're building the bridge, the pathway.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And that's why it hurts. And it's so interesting when you think about it that way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Because you go, oh, okay, so every time I walk over that bridge. Yeah. it will become stronger. And every time I step on that step, that path becomes clearer. And now it's going to be easier for me every time. It's fascinating to me just how everything that's good for you seems hard and everything that's bad for you seems easy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I talked a lot about, going back to your point around monks' brains, I talked a lot about the science behind monks' brains in my first book, Think Like a Monk. And I remember a simple practice that we used to do when I lived as a monk that was really helpful to me. So we would often meditate on beads, like prayer beads.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And we were always told, because we'd be meditating on those beads sometimes for two hours at a time, four hours at a time, even more.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And so we were always told when you hear the word two hours, you're just like, God, how am I going to get through two hours? And we were always told just focus on one bead at a time, one mantra at a time, just one at a time. And all of a sudden it became so much easier where it was just like, it's just about this bead. It's just about this mantra. It's just about this step.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
It's not about two hours. And I think sometimes when we're thinking, oh gosh, I've got to build this new habit. I've got to work out five days a week and I've got to, it's like, that just feels so insurmountable. Why does the brain work better with small steps and habits and changes?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Definitely. What's the difference between everyday anxiety and then having an anxiety disorder?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
I think when people hear that, they may think, oh, that's cool, but I don't believe it. Like, how could I believe that anxiety could be my superpower? How do I do that? How do I make that switch from going, I'm scared to actually I'm prepared?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Wendy, thank you so much for being here. I'm so grateful to have you on On Purpose. I was really looking forward to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And even just the few words we've exchanged now, I'm like, all right, click record ASAP. We need to capture all of it. Thank you so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. Yeah, I really like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And one thing that's really helped me is I always look at my anxiety as revealing to me a skill I haven't yet developed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And I really believe that it's like, it's a muscle that you need to develop. So I go, okay, if I'm anxious about going to this event and having to do small talk, it's because I haven't built the skill to be able to do small talk.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
So maybe if I read a book or I spoke to someone or I sat down with an expert or I listened to a podcast with an expert on how to have good conversations, all of a sudden now I know what questions to ask and at least it makes me feel comfortable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Or if, hey, I'm nervous about the fact that I've been asked to do something at work and I know nothing about it. Yeah. hey, let me go and take a course on it or a class on it. And I feel I always look at anxiety as just a sign of what's a skill I don't have, a quality I haven't developed, an ability or a priority I haven't made. And now let me do that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Well, let's dive right in. Yeah. The first thing I wanted to ask you was, how much do we actually know about the brain and its potential?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
It could be the skill of having tough conversations, the skill of learning to say no, the skill of setting boundaries, whatever it may be. It's just this one skill away to not, not that I won't feel that anxiety ever again, but that I can actually better manage that anxiety when it arises.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah, no, it's the only thing that's ever helped me for so many years subconsciously. I've just, I've always experienced anxiety, but I've found that it just got less and less and less as my skills developed. And developing those skills was hard and that took time and effort and it wasn't easy. But as those skills grew, now it was just like, oh, I can manage this. I know I can deal with this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And of course, there are always going to be things that surprise you. And then you go, oh God, I have no skills. For this one. And that's okay too. But even if the skill is resilience, or even if the skill is learning to develop how to deal with grief, I feel these are all skills and muscles. And if they're looked at that way, we can deal with them better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Wow. That's so beautiful. Could you share more on that from your perspective of how you actually got to that realization and how was it before you felt that way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Thank you so much for sharing that. And I'm so sorry for that period in your life. I can't imagine how challenging and stressful that is, talking about stress and anxiety. And I really appreciate how you connected the dots for us because it's one thing, you know, you're this incredible researcher, professor, you have so much amazing insight, but then to apply it in real life in extreme situations
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
cases is so hard. What did you learn about the brain when going through that, that you didn't know already?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Wonderful. And what did you know about the brain already at the time that helped you get through it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Absolutely. How do traumatic events like that, what you went through over a period of three months, and I know so many friends who've been through similar things and different things that maybe are not to do with grief in that way, but even grief of a life you could have had, people who've had breakups. How does emotional trauma actually affect the brain? What's going on?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
There's something about that, right? That there's so much we've learned, but there's so much yet to uncover.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
But I feel when we talk about the brain and what's relevant to us, I think about what does a healthy and unhealthy brain feel like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And how do we know whether we have a healthy or unhealthy brain?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah, yeah. Is it possible... to prepare for future trauma, or is the only way to be prepared for it to go through it? Can we build resilience before a traumatic event?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. I think when you lose someone you love, that painful feeling inside is a reminder that life is sacred. Yes. That... You should tell the people that are close to you that you love them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
That you should really value and prioritize time together and moments together. It's a reminder that pain's just pushing you in the right direction, nudging you in the right direction to say, don't make the wrong priorities. Don't set the wrong focuses in your life. Right. And if it went away, as it does, we also forget that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
As the distance grows from when you've lost someone... And the distance from that pain, it's not that the pain goes away, but it gets less and less and less. We also forget that. And then all of a sudden something else happens again and we reprioritize, right? Yeah, absolutely. Why do we forget lessons that we learn?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. I love that. Joy conditioning is such a great hack and habit. There was, when I went on tour last year, we went to nearly 40 cities across the world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And at the end of them, I'd lead a meditation and I didn't, I didn't have a name for it, but that's exactly the meditation I do. I ask everyone to go back to a moment where they experience the most love and joy in their life. And to relive it in the feelings. And I was thinking about earlier this year, you reminded me as you were talking about your breathwork retreat.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
What about someone who says, and I'm sure you hear this all the time, Wendy, oh, you know, stress doesn't really affect me. You know, I can just keep going. I don't really notice it. What would you say to someone who says that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Earlier this year, I visited Bhutan. And I'd never been before. And for anyone who doesn't know, Bhutan is this tiny, beautiful country landlocked between India and China, right in between. And it's got a beautiful culture. They're famously known for measuring energy GNH not GDP and GNH is gross national happiness. And so it's the culture of Bhutan is very, very much mindful and being present.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And I was asked to lead a session there. And I remember we'd gone inside one of these old Bhutanese Yeah. It was, we're in this beautiful courtyard surrounded by candles. Yeah. It got really, really dark where even though I was giving a presentation, no one could see me. They could only hear me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And before it got dark, when it was just, the sun was about to set, I asked everyone to take a mental picture. And I always loved that technique, the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique. Yeah. And so I asked everyone to look at five things they could see, four things they could touch, three things they could hear, two things they could smell, and one thing they could taste.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And I was like, this is how we take a mental picture. And now literally if I close my eyes, I can go back there right now to that moment because I took in the colors, like you were just saying, took in the shade of the sky, took in the shapes of the Bhutanese architecture, like all of these, and as you were describing the fruit, and the colors and the breath.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And I just feel like if we all, I love what you're saying because I do think we have so much joy in our lives, but we relive the negativity more. And if you had a tough journey coming here or I did, we would talk about how tough it was. the whole day. But if we had the most beautiful journey coming here, we wouldn't talk about it once and we just ignore it and feel like, well, that's normal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
But what's become normal is us repeating our challenges. When does talking about our problems and our anxiety actually help our brain versus hurt our brain?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. And also what you're saying is this over amplification as well of something that actually was quite insignificant. Yeah. Or if it was significant, you're talking about looking at our challenges or talking about them in a way that takes accountability and future accountability. And that's what I love, this idea of,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
well, let me talk about what went wrong today and maybe I shouldn't take that route to work anymore. Or, you know, maybe let me talk about what went wrong in this conversation with someone I love and maybe I've got to set better boundaries. It's always about a solution-oriented growth focus, as you said. But so many of our conversations today, especially about anxiety and stress, are victim-based.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And how do we make that switch? Because when you feel like the victim, it feels so real to you. It does, yeah. And you do feel so hurt that if someone said, well, what could you do differently? You'd be like, nothing. I did everything the best I could.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
So how do we open up that switch from anxiety to growth?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Definitely. What does healing actually look like in the brain from trauma? Like from a chemical perspective, like what's actually happening when we're healing?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. So becoming aware, why are we in denial about our stress?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
You make it sound so simple in terms of what we need to do. When you talk about breathing and moving, it's as simple as that. What if we're doing breathing and moving and we're still not feeling positive benefits? What could be at play there?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And how do you define love from a neuroscience perspective?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah, for sure. No, I think you're so right. I think people are used to saying surviving, just surviving, just getting through this day. I'm just moving forward. And I think that's why we're doing this episode because we want people to be able to turn around and say, oh no, I'm doing well. I'm energized. But there's almost like we carry this guilt if we are about to say that, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
I'd never heard about that from a neuroscientist. That's so interesting. Yeah. That's so interesting, that romantic love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
But the way it looks afterwards is more paternal and protective in that sense.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And I feel like today it's become harder and harder and harder, even just in how people gather. Like, I feel like I was just watching, what did I just see? Gladiator 2. And I remember watching Gladiator 1. And I was just, while I was watching it, I was just thinking about the fact that the Roman Colosseum was so big and that people would gather every week.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
I mean, they'd gather for the worst reason whatsoever. But the idea that so many people would gather every week, or I think at one point it was every day. And I'm like, first of all, what is everyone doing in their spare time? But- Right. So many people would gather. So many people would be together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Of course, if we look at whether it's community centers, churches, temples, the places of gathering, today we have less and less places of gathering.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Even though there's millions of people going to listen to this episode.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
They're not in the same place listening to it. And I know that if we did have a million people here right now. Yeah. even if we had a portion of the people that listened to the episode here, they could then talk about it and discuss it and exchange it. And they could look at each other's eyes and be like, oh, you feel that too? Oh my gosh, I went through that grief and how amazing would that be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
There's a feeling of like, or there's a feeling of, shame that I'm not working hard enough, right? So going back the other way with the badge of honor, there's a feeling of if I said, oh no, I'm actually doing okay, that's me saying I'm not working hard enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And we're losing that. And so the ability to create love and connection is, is becoming harder and harder and harder because our places of similar value are now digital, right? If this is a place, I know everyone who listens to us has similar values, cares about similar things, but they're not meeting each other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And, you know, we're trying to do that by, when I go on tour, that's really one of my biggest goals is I'm hoping when everyone walks out, they're all going to just talk to each other and ask each other questions. Yes. Should we be forcing ourselves to have places to gather of similar value? Like, should we make that a priority?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah, I love that example. I read a study that said 80% of us pull out our phone in a crowd just to avoid conversation and contact. And so I love what you're saying about building it on a college campus. And I think the same applies inside a corporation. If people are coming to work, even if they're coming to work three days a week, As a dean yourself, how do you do that when you've got targets?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
I'm sure there's results you have to get to. You've got things, deadlines you have to meet. You've got a ton of stuff on your plate, as does a CEO of a major corporation or an organization. How do you prioritize a love for learning and belonging and connection?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Not just as nice things that you say, but actually to do. How do you do that? Because I see it as very genuine from you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
I love that. And they have to do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. I'm really happy that you're saying this because I do think as leaders in different institutions and organizations, There's such a... There's a responsibility, but there's also just a vision for what an amazingly happy, fluffy brain community looks like. Yes. And when I think about it coming from college, it's hard because... People are coming from so many different motivations.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Right? Someone's coming there for the best job in the world. Someone's coming there for an amazing social experience. Someone's coming there to compete with everyone else. Right? You've got all these drivers. And to kind of take everyone's drivers and point it in one direction is one of the hardest things to do in the world because everyone's got their background and their walk of life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And I remember... In the monastery, it's similar to what you said. Our senior most monk would always talk about three qualities above all qualities. And it was humility, tolerance, and compassion. That was it. And so if you went to one of his lectures, that's all he was going to talk about.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And what you realize slowly was that, at least for me, I found that those became qualities that I aspired for because I recognized they were most valued in this place, even though I may have come from a different set of values before. I would have come from like ambition, drive, whatever it was. And all of a sudden it's humility, tolerance, compassion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And then you saw those who accepted and those who rejected it as well. There were some people who just went, oh yeah, whatever, who cares? And then there were some that went, no, that seems to be the truth. And so what do you find is the healthiest way to encourage people in the right direction? Because people don't want to be told and people don't want to be preached to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
So how do you do it in a way that actually the brain digests?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
They're so lucky to have you. They really are. That's such a, you know, to leave college with that mindset, with a love for deep learning, I think will set people up for so much more success than just a great job that eventually may end up being the job that they don't want to be in and a career that they don't enjoy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And then when you realize that and you don't have a deep love for learning, that becomes really, really hard. And that's kind of what I see. I feel like I speak to a lot of people who are, kind of got the job that they thought they want out of college. And then five years in, maybe even quicker, they're like, it's actually not what I wanted. And now I'm trying to find meaning in life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
But the problem is I didn't have that deep love for learning. And so now I have to build it later on. So it's so lucky to have you. It's really amazing. I wanted to ask you, when you say that affirmation, I love that you have a beautiful brain. Does positive thinking and positive affirmations, do they actually work?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. No matter how much you think you've got away with it up until now, it's not good to keep pushing that and testing how far the brain can go. Exactly. Walk me through the difference between anxiety and stress and why is it important to know the difference?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
I wanted to ask you, Wendy, if it's okay, a couple of questions from your first book about memory. Yeah, sure. Because I just think it's such a fascinating subject. And when we think about the brain and memory, I think there's just, there's so much connection there that I think would fascinate people. I wanted to ask you,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Why is it that we can remember different things about the same event when you're there with the same people?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. And I have a friend who is very present, like, you know, in the moment. But if I was to say to them to remember something from one, two years back, even from like 15 years back, they cannot recall it at all. Is that an issue?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Got it. So that's not a sign for dementia or Alzheimer's or like... No.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
No, they're young.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah. And if we want to strengthen our memory, what would you suggest?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Wendy, you've been so kind and gracious with your time today. I feel like I've learned so much. We've talked about absolutely everything. I really hope that everyone goes and grabs a copy of your book, Good Anxiety. It's brilliant. I think there's a need for us to use anxiety in the way you're saying rather than this desire to avoid it. We end every episode with a final five.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
So these questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
So Wendy, these are your final five. The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
I love that. Question number three, what's something you can't wait to discover about the brain?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
I love that. Question number four, what's something that you used to think was true about the brain, but now isn't?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Where did that come from?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Is there an age at which certain things can't change?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
All right. Fifth and final question. We ask this to everyone who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
It's beautiful. Thank you so much. Dr. Wendy Suzuki, you are incredible. That was so much fun. I had a great time with you. Thank you for being so personal as well and open about your own journey with grief. I hope you'll come back onto the show.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Thank you. If you loved this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on how to change your life by changing your brain.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
That first one, I'm so glad you brought that up. And it's a practice I do still till this day. If I'm going on stage or if I'm doing something that's anxiety inducing. And I think people are always like, Jay, wait a minute, you experience anxiety? I'm like, of course I do. It's a part of everyday life. And if I'm about to do something that feels that way, I can notice the same thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
But now that I've noticed that cue, which is like you said, it's easy for me to think, okay, well, I know I need to breathe in for a four and breathe out for more than four, which is a pattern I like. Are there any patterns that you suggest or is it just deep breathing?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
comes in but yes it is such a powerful technique that everybody can use and how do we spot our cues more closely because so for a long time I used to say I don't get stressed and then I started to realize when I was actually still that all my stress was stored in my body so I wouldn't get stressed mentally I wouldn't experience it in my mind yeah and I wouldn't experience it my chest or my heart yeah but then I started to notice that my upper shoulders or my neck is always tight
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
And it took me a while before I started to recognize that stress existed in different ways as opposed to this idea of, oh, well, it's not up here, so it doesn't exist. How do we get closer to those cues? Because I think there's two questions. One is how do we get closer to our cues? And the second is when you feel that cue or trigger, how do you remind yourself to breathe?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
You mean like actually crying?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wendy Suzuki: 2 Powerful Tools To Use When You Feel Stressed Out (This Will Lower Your Anxiety in 1 Minute)
Yeah, I agree. I think that's great advice. It's you can't have something help you. It's almost like I remember being at school and they'd always train you with what happens if there was a fire. Yeah, yeah. So you're training when there isn't a fire.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
What do you uniquely understand about the human mind?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to listen, learn, and grow. I'm so grateful because I get to dive into the minds of people that I find fascinating and interesting, people who have incredible insights, who are willing to share their soul, their hearts with the pains, the overwhelms, the stresses, and the joys of their journeys.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Walk me through your thought process. How do you process tens of thousands of people subscribing to a Reddit that's about watching people die?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Because I want to know how someone like you who's building something thinks about that. It's easy to be like, we should ban that. We don't want people to see that. But I wonder what your thought process is and how you reconcile the fact that there are people who are interested in something like that versus there's so much good. And I'd love to hear from a programmer, coder, builder.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Today's guest is going to do just that for us. His name is Alexis Ohanian, founder and general partner at 776, co-founder of Reddit. Alexis Ohanian is a tech founder and venture capitalist. He wrote a national bestselling book, Without Their Permission, and is co-founder of Reddit, one of the largest websites in the US, currently valued at more than $15 billion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
In 2020, he founded 776, a new firm built like a technology company that deploys venture capital with over $900 million plus in assets under management. In 2022, Alexis launched the 776 Foundation to support marginalized individuals and announced a $20 million commitment to climate action through his 776 Fellowship Program.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I was going to ask you that actually is whether you, whether you decline investing in companies that you wouldn't let your kids use.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Ohanian is also a vocal advocate for paid family leave and also hosts the Business Dad podcast. Make sure you subscribe if you don't already. Welcome to the show, Alexis.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
It would be an honor. It It'll be an honor. Alexis, it's so great to see you. We bumped into each other randomly at Angel City FC games in Cannes more recently. And I've always been fascinated by your journey. And when I heard that you were interested in talking to me, I was really excited about that because
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Did you and the other founders at that time ever come together? Because I imagine you're the only people in the world who understand each other and understand what you're building and going through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
There's not on Reddit. No. There's not on Reddit, the subreddit. No, I love it. Alexis, I want to, you know, even just listening to you now, the way you think is mind-blowing. It's fascinating. I think everyone who's listening right now is probably tuned in to just, you know, I think it's always,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Brilliant to dive into that mind, but I also want to focus on your personal side today because I feel that a lot of what's not seen in entrepreneurship is we get to see someone's brilliance, but we don't often get to see their greatness. the personal sacrifices, the journeys, the choices, the challenges that come with that until many years after.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And I actually want to go, even before Reddit, I want to go back to your childhood. And I wanted to ask you, like, what's a childhood memory that you have that you feel has played a role in defining who you are today? Is there something that stands out?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I think you can have so many perceptions of tech founders and community app founders from afar. And then getting to know them more intimately always leaves me feeling like I've learned something. So I'm happy you're here. And I wanted to start off by asking you this. What do you uniquely understand about the human mind that has helped you get to where you are today?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Is Aunt Vera still with us?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
That's beautiful. I love hearing that. And, uh, it must've felt so meaningful to be able to go back and serve there and have an impact there and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Yeah, you were saying that, you know, maybe now in your life you can go stress-free and, you know, there are days where you're not feeling that. But in the beginning days of Reddit, it wasn't like that in your personal life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And you've mentioned to me and, you know, when we were talking before we started recording this, there were certain things happening in your personal life when you began that maybe if you've revisited, you'd look at them differently. Could you walk us through what was going on and... how you dealt with it at the time, first of all.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
What was the behavior you saw in yourself that you had to readdress or check yourself that you felt was seeping into the culture in any of the companies you built?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
No way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Since building it and starting it, what have you been surprised by about community? Maybe something that you believed to be true about humans, but has been disproved or something that you never knew about humans that you've discovered.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I feel like that lack of presence bleeds into the other area anyway. Yeah. If you're at work and you're not present, you can't suddenly be present at home.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And if you're absent at home, you can't suddenly be present at work because our mind doesn't have an on and off button that just switches on and off as quickly as that. And so hearing that makes a lot of sense to me. Why are those male relationships so important to you at this stage? Like, why are they valuable? And why does it feel like there may be a time where they're needed?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Like, what would they serve you with? Like, how would that help you now? Humility. Humility.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And I love that what you said, that juxtaposition again, the ability to be a killer in the workplace, a brilliant leader, a powerful individual, and at the same time being able to be empathetic, compassionate, vulnerable. The power is always in the juxtaposition, right? You look at it in anything, whether it's a community, a company, an individual.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And I think a big part of that, going back to what you've been talking about, is also seeing men's relationship with their wives. Like, I think that's a big part that for years, when we were talking about the lack of role models or the lack of the ability to look at someone, it sounded like your parents had a wonderful marriage and- I lucked out, man.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Yeah, and demoed a beautiful connection in front of you that you got to see with you and your wife having such busy lives, having priorities, both of you professionally, partnerships, places to be, travel, and then you've got kids. How have you found a way to prioritize each other with the million things going on?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
What did you, what I love though is the awareness you have of the upbringing you had and how that's impacted you now with you wanting the opposite and how the upbringing she had. Yeah, and I love that awareness because it's such a subtle point, but it's such a powerful one because it sounds like you both accept why you're wired the way you are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Because I think it could be really tempting to project and hope that, well, you know, Alexis has achieved everything too, so shouldn't we both just...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
let everything go and just be home with the kids or you to be like well you've achieved so much we should just be going for the next mountain like which i think we do a lot with our partners where we reflect what stage of life we're on like i remember when my wife and i first met I was ambitious and driven and she was definitely the homemaker and curator.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And then as I've become more set in my world and have more time, my wife's career is like really taken off and she's really found her purpose and it's amazing. But I just love watching her flourish. So even though I have more free time to be able to spend together now than I did eight years ago, I recognize that watching her grow and watching her thrive is actually the most inspiring thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And now that just because I have more time doesn't mean she has to adapt and adjust around that. I love that. Yeah, I find it's a really... But it's such a common thing I see where it's like, I wish you were at the stage of life that I'm at. And that seems to be the hardest, most impossible thing to demand.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Yeah. Talking about the two kids, I know you love being a dad and it comes across as such an important priority in your life as well. How would you go about explaining the internet to your kids when the time is right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I love it. Alexis, thank you for sharing that. It's beautiful to, you know, just even how you're speaking about your wife. And again, going back to that point, we were talking about having positive conversations in that way of, you know, what a healthy relationship looks like, challenges, ups and downs, difficulties, of course, with any relationship. But
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
You know, one of the things that I wanted to ask you about that before we get to the end of our conversation is this idea. I mean, you were very humble a few seconds ago and it's beautiful to see you have reached, you know, you've created something that in and of itself is a word, right? Like it's like Reddit is... It's recognizable, used, it's in pop culture, like it's everywhere.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Like you've built something that is fully recognizable, let alone recognizable, just everyone knows what it is. And then Serena has this incredible success, of course, no need to explain. How do you both think about defining success for your kids and... the pressure that obviously will naturally sit on them with whatever they do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And then how do you think about defining success towards your futures as well, together and as individuals, because you've both had and experienced so much success?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Oh, it's the most patient.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
You're very kind. I appreciate that. But Alexis, we end every On Purpose episode with a fast five or a final five, which means every question has to be answered in one word or one sentence maximum. So Alexis, these are your fast five. The first question is, what is the best life advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I like it. Second question, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
And that was a good decision.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
No, come on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Question number three, if there's any other business dads listening that are struggling with the business and being a dad and trying to manage it all, what would be your advice for them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I love it. Question number four, how would you define your current purpose?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I love that. That's such a great answer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I love it. And fifth and final question we ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. The question is, if you had to create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I love that. Alexis Ohanian, everyone. Business Dad Podcast. Make sure you subscribe. Thank you, Jay. And Alexis, I'm so grateful to your parents. Dude.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Yeah, yeah. You carry them and their energy so well. You can tell how deeply rooted their love is for you and the love that they had for the world that seems to be oozing out of you. So it's really beautiful to experience that today. And I'm grateful that you came and spent these couple of hours with me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Thank you. Thank you so much for listening to this conversation. If you enjoyed it, you'll love my chat with Adam Grant on why discomfort is the key to growth and the strategies for unlocking your hidden potential. If you know you wanna be more and achieve more this year, go check it out right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I wanted to invite you to a brand new interactive no-charge workshop, Renew You, that I'm eager to share with you. Over the years, I've worked with thousands of people across the globe, and I've noticed a common theme. Many of us are feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or disconnected. We're going through the motions of life, but not really living. Does that sound familiar?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
You feeling burnt out, uninspired, or like life is just passing by without meaning? Maybe you're struggling to make the impact you know you're capable of, or perhaps you're craving deeper connections with others. If any of this resonates, then I want you to know that change is possible, and it starts with the choices you make today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
In this workshop, I'm going to share five simple yet powerful steps that can help you reignite your passion, purpose, and joy. These are the same principles that have helped me and countless others reshape our lives from the inside out, and I know they can do the same for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
You'll walk away with actionable strategies to revamp your daily routine, find your true purpose, and create meaningful connections. And the best part, this workshop is completely free. These changes don't require massive overhauls. It's about making small intentional shifts that can lead to big results. This workshop is more than just learning. It's about doing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I'll be guiding you through reflections and exercises that will help you start creating the life you've always dreamed of right here, right now. Go to www.renewyouworkshop.com to access this at no charge and start building a life that's not just lived, but truly loved. See you there. I mean, I remember having Britannica Encyclopedia to have to search.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alexis Ohanian: Why Discipline Creates Freedom & How to Incorporate Routines in Your Schedule in Order to Succeed
I like the way you're using it in a curiosity building way in a solution answers oriented way. That sounds like a smart decision.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Do you do that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. At what age are we actually old?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
And what do you want it to be when you wake up?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. When we're talking about people struggling with falling asleep and waking up at the same time, you're a mother.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
I am. We were talking about your wonderful daughter earlier and other children. And when you look at that and you look at that time in your life when you were staying up and taking care of your kids and having erratic wake up and sleep times, How do you get that back? Can you get that back? Or is that just a period that you write off and accept that it's not? I lost that sleep.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
What can we do during those years for the women that are listening, the parents that are listening? What can you do during those years where that piece of advice is going to be impossible to follow naturally? What can they do to cushion that impact?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Is there something that happens in our 35 to 45 range that our sleep starts to become less consistent? How do we lose that stubborn belly fat?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah. I think one of the things that is really challenging people right now is our cortisol levels are so high. So high. we think of or we've trained ourselves to believe that certain things help us rest and decompress. But as you were saying, with alcohol, they don't really. And I think the same is true for watching something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
And I used to always feel like, okay, well, I can stay up because I want to watch my favorite show. But actually that... that I get from watching a show versus if I changed that for sleep, the sleep would have been far more relaxing and rejuvenating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
So say I finish all my daily chores and everything that I have to do at 10 p.m., if I had the choice to get into bed at 10 and fall asleep or watch a show for an hour and a half or an hour or whatever it is, it would be better for me to go to sleep. But we've trained ourselves to believe, no, the drink or the show will make me feel better. Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
How do we kind of deal with that emotional frustration feeling that makes us say well the show and the glass of wine is better versus like no this rest is actually going to do more work than any of that could
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Why is it that the high intensity interval training is not having the desired result?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Absolutely. And what's alcohol actually doing? Why is it disrupting our sleep? Why is it that we can't get deep sleep with alcohol? What's actually going on?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah, no, definitely. I think it's really fascinating to hear that. We're talking about this powerful decade of 35 to 45. What's happening to our bones and muscles during that time if we do nothing?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
What's something you used to believe to be true about health that you don't today? If someone listening right now is between the ages of 20 to 30, what are those specific healthy habits that we need to invest in that are non-negotiable?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah. And that's so scary to hear. Yeah. Because as you said, the older we get, the harder it will be to lose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah, I've been working on that consistently probably just for the last six months.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
And I saw drastic shifts in my skeletal muscle mass. Yes. My weight practically stayed the same. But my body composition is what was changing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
It feels and looks different completely, but it was fascinating to me. And it was exactly what you were saying. It was weight training, eating more protein in my diet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
cutting out sugars and it was simple changes, but it was incredible to see how it looked different on paper. It felt different. It looked different in real life, but my weight was exactly the same.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
What would you say if someone says, I want to change my body composition? If someone said to you, I want to lose weight in their words, in your words, change the body composition. I want to lose weight. What is the best, healthiest, quickest way I can do it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
If someone said to you, I want to lose weight, what is the best, healthiest, quickest way I can do it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Why is it that the high intensity interval training is not having the desired result?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. I'm so grateful to have your ears and your eyes for the next hour or so. Thank you so much for tuning in. Today's guest is Dr. Vonda Wright, an accomplished orthopedic surgeon, author, podcast host, and researcher recognized for her expertise in sports medicine and active aging.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Talk to me about that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
90, 25.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Just once a week? Yeah, just do it on Mondays. How did we evolve to need that kind of training? Because it seems so specific and mathematical.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Dr. Wright is a motivational speaker and author of the successful book, Dr. Wright's Guide to Thrive, Four Steps to Body, Brains, and Bliss, which helps readers use practical advice to take action, change their attitude, and measure their achievement for a more fulfilling life. Please welcome to On Purpose, Dr. Wanda Wright. Dr. Wright, it is great to have you here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
That's interesting. Yeah, no, that's what I was trying to place. I was like, that's so fascinating that this four minutes, four minutes off. And when you hear about these things, you go, well, how did humans get there? That's kind of where my mind goes. Yeah. But think of the way a lioness hunts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Never thought about that, but it makes a lot of sense. And we're not running after our food, but.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah. For the people that are gonna be mad if I don't ask this question. Okay. How do we lose that stubborn belly fat?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
What's the difference between the good fat and the bad fat around our belly? Because I feel like we don't know the difference.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
You've worked with so many athletes, and I just want to kind of go off on a tangent before we come back, but... I wonder with the athletes you've worked with and to your earlier comments around models and being at Fashion Week, I was going to ask you, which sport do you find the actually healthiest people in versus just... fittest or what is the difference and how do you see it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Does that make sense?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
So thankful to have you. And there are so many things I want to ask you about. I was sharing with you earlier, I really appreciate your clarity. I appreciate your contextual advice, the thoughtfulness with which you approve it, your incredible academic background as well. And I want to dive straight into a question that I'm asking almost because
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah, I played rugby growing up. I loved it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
What are the sports where you see the least healthy, least fit athlete?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah. Yeah. No, I was just intrigued and curious because I think we have a vision of what we think fitness and health looks like. And like you said, often we think people who are the leanest or people who are the skinniest or people who are the most built or whatever it may be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
And I think that's partly our challenge when we talk about these things because most of us are wanting to get healthy either from an aesthetic point of view you want your summer body, you want your whatever it may be. And then from the other side, there's this feeling from some of us, we're just like, I just want to be healthy. I want to be fit enough to take care of my kids.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
I want to be healthy enough so that I can spend time with my grandkids. How should someone measure their fitness and health right now if they're listening? Because a lot of people will say, especially when they're younger or on the younger side, they'll say, well, I feel okay. So how do I know if I'm okay, safe, unhealthy? Like, how do I... feel that or experience that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
I think it's something we all subconsciously believe. And I wanted to ask you, at what age are we actually old?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
You don't know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
What's the ideal length of workout if someone's working out four days a week?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah, because I think a lot of people are feeling like I only have 20 minutes a day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Is that enough?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
It is so interesting. I was looking at it from the point of view of relationships. I was looking at some resets that was talking about how You know, we say we don't have time together, but the amount of time as a couple we spend in front of the TV is astronomical. It's like, I think it was something like 90 minutes a day minimum. And we're missing out on together time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
We're missing out on connection time. And I was looking at it from a purely romantic, intimate perspective. But then when you look at it through health, And I think for a lot of us, what I've found it is, is allowing our friendships and our romantic relationships to be around fitness.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
I remember a friend, a couple of my friends in the city, we've decided that whenever we're hanging out together, we're playing pickleball for one and a half hours, two hours. Then we may go out for dinner after that. Yeah. but we're playing pickleball for a consistent amount of time. We're all getting a workout or we're going on a hike.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
And that's now become our form of bonding and friendship rather than, oh, let's go out for dinner. And the dinner was great. We got to enjoy it. But now we're sedentary. We're sitting there for a couple of hours. Maybe some people, I don't drink and a few of my friends don't drink, but the ones who are, they're now drinking. Whereas if we're out playing sports, they wouldn't be thinking about that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
And same with me and my wife. We found that cold plunging together or going to the infrared sauna together, taking a book or taking our journal or whatever it may be, we had to start replacing activities because you may not have enough time to do it all, but the main form of connection can be around a fitness activity. And actually you both end up feeling better about yourselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
You feel better about each other. And whether it's a friend or a partner, I feel like everyone walks away from that experience having gained something. rather than, you know, doing anything else. And so in the beginning, it may take a reframe, but it transforms your relationships and it transforms your health.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah, yeah. Tell us more about that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah, no, I completely agree with that. One of my first dates that I went on with my wife when we were dating was we went to a ropes course.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
And it was so much fun because there was like trusting each other, helping each other. And there was that sense of thrill. And I couldn't agree more that I think when you do, I remember the first time me and my wife went skydiving, we did it together. The first time we cold plunged, we did it together. And you're so right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
It creates a different connection when you both done something hard together. And also something that's, I think as couples, we do, people have to go through so many emotional hardships together. It's nice to do something physically challenging together. That isn't carrying this emotional weight or stress because that's something you probably have on in the background anyway.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
And so this applies for that. Yeah, I think if you're someone that struggles with finding time, think about the way you spend time with the people you love. And maybe you don't have an extra 20 minutes or 30 minutes, but you can change the 30 minutes you spend with your friend. Or you don't have an extra hour, but you can change the way you spend the hour with your partner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
And all of a sudden everything's changing. It's meaningful. It's meaningful. Yeah, it's meaningful. And like you said, it's giving us so many other benefits. You mentioned magnesium earlier. I did. And we were talking about the need for stronger bones. Yes. What can we do to strengthen our bones? Because I don't think that's a conversation that we're having that much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Is that why functional exercises like squats and stairs and things like that are somewhat better than machine exercises inside gyms?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah. Yeah. That's the more natural movement.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah, so as much as your workouts are mimicking natural movements, that's a healthy exercise.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
I really love that perspective that you have. And I've had experience of that. I remember in my early 20s, obviously feeling exceptionally healthy from a natural standpoint. In my late 20s to early 30s, almost experiencing a dip because of a lack of focus and a lack of attention. And then now in my late 30s, feeling the best that I've ever felt. And it's really fascinating to see how...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah. You spoke about neural pathways there, and I know you talk a lot about the body-brain connection. What are we losing out? Because if you look at, when we talk about aging, Yeah. brain aging is such a big part of it. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
And frightening, very frightening. I mean, I've had so many countless family members, mentors, family friends who've had Alzheimer's, dementia, stage four brain cancer. It's painful to watch the people you love go through it. What is happening? What is that body brain connection? What are we losing out on the brain when we're not doing the things we've talked about?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
So fascinating, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah, I think a really big thing about for me and all of this as I'm hearing from you is just what you said earlier about how little we know about our bodies, about ourselves and how we base it on just how we feel, which isn't the healthiest check. It's almost like you're driving your car and it feels fine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
But there's so much going on behind the scenes that if you didn't take it to the garage and get it checked, you wouldn't know. And it was one of the reasons I recently invested in Function Health, because I just wanted to find a way to make access to information so much more easy for people. Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Even our ideas and language around aging, I think we used to say, oh, well, I don't want to be 30. And people still feel that. Oh my gosh, I'm turning 30. And then people will say, oh my gosh, I'm going to be 40 now. Oh, now I'm 50. And now people, we age ourselves by how we talk about age, how we dress, how we think about our age.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Just having access to those lab results and those lab tests so that you can actually go to your doctor and say, hey, this came up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
What does this look like? Or I don't understand this. Or what about this? And I think that's what's helped me so much. You were just with Darshan, Dr. Shah, who's been my doctor. And I find that he's able to flag to me so many things early on, which means we can deal with it as opposed to end up in a position where it's, you know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah, I think we're living in that time as well, where it's more specific. It's not just, oh, how many steps did I do or whatever, right? It's so much more specific. And you're so right that the only way to hold ourselves accountable is to see the change. So like you said, if I eat this, I remember I was eating, I was testing it out when I was wearing mine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
I don't wear it now, but I was testing it for like three months. And I was eating what was claiming to be, I was in the UK, it was claiming to be a low sugar cereal. Right. that was, you know, which on the box looked like it should have been fine. I don't eat cereal that often, but I do when I travel because it's sometimes harder to find something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
I had this low sugar, low fat cereal, whatever it was. My glucose spike.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
It was crazy. Well, it's probably because it was rice based, but either way, it was just like crazy spike. And I thought, oh wow, like I would have thought eating that every day would have done nothing to me. And just, you don't know. What have been some of the data points that have really helped you to make changes in your life or in the lives of your clients?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
So I want to ask you, if someone listening right now is between the ages of 20 to 30, what should their priorities be? What should they be focused on? And we'll focus on other generations next.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
I think so too. I think so too. I've heard the same where people are like, oh, I'm pre-diabetic, and then nothing changes. Right, because it's not a warning. It's not a warning, yeah, yeah. And I... And sadly, yeah, it's just, you have the control then, you have the power then.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
One of the things I wanted to bring up with you was this question of as we age about mobility, because I feel like you kind of take for granted how your body works and then especially hip mobility. Yes. What are some of the things we can do to improve our mobility now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
If someone's feeling exceptionally tight in certain areas of their body, what else can they do to loosen it up?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
I think my trainer has been listening to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Well, we've been doing all of those things. It makes me very happy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
It's great to hear that there's so many simple ways.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah, and some of this can just be built into our lifestyle rather than having to find other time. That's right. Vonda, you said this earlier, and I've been thinking about it as we've been talking because I think you've given such great practical advice. People can get more depth inside your book, which I highly recommend. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
And we'll be putting the link in the captions so you can order it as you've been listening. I'd really like you to dive into it for the specific advice that, as you can tell, Vonda's so tactical and practical, it's great. But really a lot of this comes down to, as you said, it's not time. Now it's not knowledge. We have it. You're sharing it freely right here. It's emotional.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
And what I mean by that is we eat our feelings. We feel exhausted because of stress in our life. So we don't work out. We maybe lack self-love. We don't have a vision, as you said earlier, of a healthier life ahead. A lot of us talk about our college days as the best times of our lives. Everything's in the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
And so much of what we've talked about today is practical and tactical, but I kind of wanted to get to this point of just how do we transform our belief system? Yes. into recognizing that we're worthy of a healthier life, that we deserve a healthier life, that we're capable of one. And I wanted to ask you about the similarities between vision casting, as you call it, and manifesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Oh, that hit really hard. Yeah, and I really empathize with people because I know when I didn't prioritize it, And it's almost because we're so good psychologically showing up for other people. Like that's generally the only time anyone does anything is because they have to show up for someone else. We show up to work because we're expected to be there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
We show up for our kids because you love them and show up for your partner because you feel a responsibility to them. But we haven't been trained or taught to show up for ourselves because it almost feels less than.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
We feel guilty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
How much harder is it in our 30s and then in our 40s to shift to those healthy habits than if we started earlier?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Wanda, what have I not asked you about today that you feel called to share? Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah, you're brilliant.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Well said. Vonda, thank you so much. It's been such a joy talking to you today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
I've learned so much. You've blown my mind multiple times. I'm so excited for people to read your book. I'm so excited for people to follow your work. We end every episode of On Purpose with a final five or a fast five. And so each one of these questions has to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. And so Dr. Vonda Wright, these are your final five.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Question number one, what is the best health advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Question number two, what is the worst health advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Let's talk about that for a bit. Do you think that diets can be useful to get people to a lifestyle or do you think they always kind of boomerang backwards?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah. And what are we losing when we lose muscle?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah. I wish I knew that when I was young.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
I wish someone had told me that that's what muscle did.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
I always just thought it was aesthetic when I was young. I had no idea.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Question number three, can running be bad for you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Question number four, what's something you used to believe to be true about health that you don't today?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
What did it actually do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
And why is that? Why did it not recompose your body?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Fifth and final question. Yes. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Walking all the time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah, it's hard in some cities.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah, but we've got to find a way. Up the stairs, down the stairs. That's right. Around the block.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
I love it. The book is called Dr. Wright's Guide to Thrive, Four Steps to Body, Brains, and Bliss. Dr. Vonda Wright, thank you so much for coming on On Purpose. I hope you'll come back again and again. Oh, I would love that. And I genuinely learned so much from you today. Thank you so much. My pleasure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
If this year you're trying to live longer, live happier, live healthier, go and check out my conversation with the world's biggest longevity doctor, Peter Attia, on how to slow down aging and why your emotional health is directly impacting your physical health.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah. But biologically, how much harder is it to like, say, lose that belly fat?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
So I'm 37 right now. I'm seven years away from the end of that, from that first hit. What would be the top priorities for someone between that 35 to 45? What are those specific healthy habits that we need to invest in that are non-negotiables?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Yeah, so well said. And so simply put, I deeply appreciate how practical and thoughtful they are. Let's dive into each one of them. Is there something that happens in our 35 to 45 and onward range that our sleep starts to become less consistent?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
That is fascinating. I don't think I've ever heard both those explanations for it in that way. So what do we do about it? Because I know so many people, so many friends that are going through exactly what you're saying. Their sleep has started to decline. They wake up more often in the middle of the night. They find it harder to go back to sleep. What changes do they need to make?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Because if sleep is the pillar of everything that we're about to talk about, I think it's really important that we help people figure that out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. Vonda Wright: Formula to Lose Weight and Gain Muscle (Why your Current Workout is Not Giving You Results)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
The people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is how is that a plea for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, it's them asking for love in some way. And I think we see it in children the most where when a child's throwing a tantrum, they're simply asking for presence, love, and connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Are you scared of dying?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Was there a diagnosis or a particular day or event that happened that made you go, this is my turning point?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
How old were you when you decided to make the shift to say, I'm going to start turning back the clock?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
So four years ago. Right. And at which age do you wish you started?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Walk me through that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
For those that don't know, walk us through the microplastics because I feel like that's been a trending term right now. People are becoming more and more aware. Walk it through for someone who's unaware of what's happening there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
What drives someone to spend $2 million to not die?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my on-purpose podcast live and in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
We'll dive into experiences designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me and get yours today. And what are the adverse effects of microplastics?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
So what are three simple steps that someone could take right now to minimize their influx of microplastics?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Is there a brand?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Who do you recommend?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
What's fascinating is you have no idea how it's entering the system.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Because it's not a physical tangible experience. You're not like feeling something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Merging into your skin.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Walk us through the, what I was thinking about as you were talking is this idea of what happens to water in a plastic bottle versus a glass bottle.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
What age are you predicting to live to?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
I'd never heard that before.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
I'm so glad you're talking about it. And I love the, you know, that idea that it's almost like the worst prison that you can be in is one where you don't know you've got handcuffs on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah, there you go. Like you don't realize it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And I mean, social media is kind of like that. Like you're in this prison of a world and you don't even realize you're being trapped. And our health's the same way. My friend's dad was in town from London. couple of weeks back and he has this app on his phone that shows the air pollution. I don't know what it's called.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Right. Okay. And he had it on his phone and he lives outside of the city of London. So he's not really in the heart of London. And he said that pollution score where my friend grew up, where my wife grew up is around two. Like I think it's on a scale of zero to a hundred. Yeah. Unless I'm wrong. And he did it here in LA and it was 60. Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And I was like, I have no, to me, when I wake up, I feel like the air is like, I mean, everyone knows LA is polluted, but I don't feel that. I don't know that. Whereas like, if I go to a certain country in the world, which is known for its horrific air pollution, I can somewhat tell the difference. But it was like, I could tell no difference from this between where my wife grew up in England
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
yet it's extraordinarily different.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health and wellness podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that keep coming back every week to listen, learn and grow. Now today's guest is someone who says they're not going to let themselves die. Brian Johnson is known as the world's most measured human.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
How do we go about purifying air inside of our homes? Obviously we can't control the air in the city we live in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And when you talk about water too, have you changed the water you're showering in as well? Because I think that's something me and my wife have been talking about. We have a reverse osmosis machine for water that we drink. But recently we were talking to a skin health expert and he was talking about the water we shower in having a different effect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And I literally tested washing my face with the water I drink and washing my face with shower water. And he could immediately tell the difference using the tools and devices he had. He was measuring just with how it affected my skin.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah. What I find fascinating about so much of this stuff is, and you said you were going to India soon, and you'll see it there. Like when I grew up and when I used to visit India when I was young, and even when I lived there for some time, we always used stainless steel to drink in. Like that was the norm.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And it's almost like now it's like all these new, you know, now everyone's using stainless steel in the Western world. But now if you go back to India, lots of plastic bottles everywhere. And so it's such a like weird thing as to how we went away from tried and tested wisdom that we already had.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Like in my home, every cup for drinking water growing up would be stainless steel because it was the Indian way to do it. And I always didn't like it because I didn't like the clanging. It felt weird because when I went to friends' houses, they didn't have stainless steel cups and things. It felt a bit awkward and strange. Now when I think about it, I'm like, well, that was the right way to do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah. And somehow we went away from that because I guess cost, it was cheaper to produce, cheaper to scale. I wonder how much human health has been sacrificed over saving and making money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Brian spent four years creating Project Blueprint, which is an endeavor to achieve humanity and earth-scale cooperation within self. As a 47-year-old, he has the metabolic health of the top 1.5% of 18-year-olds. inflammation 66% lower than a 10-year-old, and reduced the speed of aging by 31 years. With a lifestyle that costs him $2 million annually, he is the real-life Benjamin Button.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
It's funny, though, because a lot of people will say that all of these new health trends are just disguised capitalism, but they're really simple and accessible, like you're saying. I loved how you started off by explaining that the $2 million isn't on the protocols, which we'll get to, but the $2 million is actually on the research and the measuring so that you can prove that the protocols work.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And so it's actually accessible to everyone. But often people are like, like I remember when celery juice was the thing, which has helped me a lot in my life for sure, at least from a story anecdotal point of view. But I remember everyone being like, oh my God, they're just trying to make money off of celery farms. And I was like, I don't know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
I don't think everyone, I don't think there's one person that owns every celery farm. So I don't think that's working. What's your take on that? If that's making any sense.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah. And you're doing it to yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah. So that's the greatest test. So yeah, your sleep score has been a hundred percent for the last eight months. What does that require?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And what does that require to become the world's best sleeper?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Please welcome to On Purpose, Brian Johnson. Brian, it's great to have you here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah, I wanted to dive in straight away and just to ask you, what drives someone to spend $2 million to not die?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah, it's almost like we wait for our head to hit the pillow to reflect on the thoughts that we didn't choose to reflect on before we got into bed. Because we don't have that reflection time before getting into bed. Because that's what I was going to say.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
I think for most people, they can get into bed, but then they sit there for an hour worrying and stressing and they're feeling anxious or nervous or overwhelmed. But you're saying that's going to happen. You just got to do that before you actually get into bed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
and do you think that for people who are waking up often when they're asleep or and they're awake for longer than just a few moments what should they be looking at like what metrics should they be pushing towards to be like that's what's causing it how do they deduce that sometimes it's the last meal of the day so if their body's still robustly digesting then you have you basically you'll miss your deep because when you go to sleep you fall into a deep sleep window
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
The people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is how is that a plea for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, it's them asking for love in some way. And I think we see it in children the most where When a child's throwing a tantrum, they're simply asking for presence, love, and connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And I think we're all just big children who are still asking for love, still seeking that approval, still wanting that connection and that embrace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
The end of Daybreak, Eyes of Love was supposed to have been followed up by another album.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah, I feel a big difference. So I'm pretty disciplined in my sleep times as well, have been for a long time. I maybe haven't measured it for as long, but I'm thankful and grateful to have great sleep. But I found that when I'm sleeping after midnight, it doesn't matter how many hours I sleep for, I never feel as good in the morning. It's so significant. Why is that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
What's happening when we're sleeping consistently after 11 p.m. or midnight? What's actually happening?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Why is that front window so much more important than the later window?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
What about, oh yeah, that's a great way of looking at it, to miss the garbage truck. I've never heard that. I've heard the dishwasher analogy before, but the garbage truck one's even better actually. The idea that if your garbage didn't get picked up and it's still outside your house or your apartment or even in your home.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
That's pretty terrible. And you're stuck with it for another week.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
That's a great analogy. Yeah, that feels really, really true. And I feel like, What we don't realize, because we often say, I know so many people who say, but I do my best creative work at night.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
I know a lot of people who say, oh yeah, but I need to go to that party or whatever it is, right? Or I feel left out or FOMO or whatever it is, or people who just go, yeah, I just can never get to sleep. So what's the point?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And what would you say to someone who says any one of those three?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And how did you compute the amount of 2 million? How did it get to that? What does that... involve and include to get to that level?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
What are the data driven insights of poor sleep? Like what really is going to happen to you? You already taught us what happens after one night of sleep. What does it look like when you have seven nights, seven months of bad sleep?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
I can still relate to that. I only, I see myself craving sugars when I've had bad sleep. And when I haven't and I've worked out and everything, I feel great. And as soon as I had a bad night's sleep, the next day I know all I want is some sugar and it's the only way to get through. And you're so right. It's just a repeating cycle.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to have to find a way of convincing people that sleep's a good investment. And it's hard, right? Because it almost feels like, I think we don't look at that part of our health as something we can be good at. And that's why your whole idea of becoming a professional sleeper, like, I think we do think about, oh, I want to be a professional runner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
I could be a professional bodybuilder. Like these are parts of our health that becoming good at seems aspirational. But becoming a good sleeper or even becoming a good meditator to some degree aren't seen as professional accomplishments or pursuits because they don't have this competition and nor should it be a competition. I don't think it needs to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
But this idea of competing against yourself, which is what a sleep score is, seems like the healthiest way to do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah, and I think we underestimate how much we do function like athletes. Like athletes are playing three or four big games a week. If you're playing basketball, if you're playing soccer, it's probably like two to three. American football, I don't know, maybe it's a game a week or a couple of games a week.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
But it's like, we don't realize like that tough conversation at work, that presentation at work, that bid, that sale, like whatever it is, like all of that is taxing us in a different way. Like we're not pushing our bodies that far, but- We are pushing our brains. We are pushing our guts. We are pushing our minds.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And I wanted to talk to you a bit about food because you brought up a few interesting things there about eating that much earlier before bed. But I wanted to start with the low protein. So I'm vegan too. So that's why I was listening to you. So I was like, I'm vegan to measure caloric intake. But hearing you talk about being low protein, that's something I'm always told to do the opposite for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
So walk me through that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
So I've been told, or I've been told to try and do like my body weight. Right. And so that's impossible for me. My gut does not enjoy that. And so as I tried to increase my protein intake, I found that it was harder and heavier on my gut. If I'm honest right now, I'm probably doing like 80 grams of protein a day. And that's good if I get there. Like realistically, and my gut can handle that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Whereas I saw my gut health struggling as I tried to get to 120 grams of protein, 140. Yeah, I'm in the same range. So I'm roughly 120. So I weigh 174.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
So I'm vegan. I work out an hour every day. But yeah, just when I was being told to eat like 160, 170 grams of protein, I couldn't go beyond 100. I was like, my body just does not like it. And I'm about to destroy my gut to try and get a protein goal, but then my gut health's going to suffer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
What's your body fat percentage right now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Okay, and was that a goal you had?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And from a diet perspective, what helps you get to age 18?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Could you walk me through your exact meals? Like a rough day? Because I'm going to try mirror these meals.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
What was the most expensive thing to measure?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah, exactly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
But it's like no processed foods, no packaged foods. You're not eating anything out of a pack, it seems.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
So wait, what can people buy?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
The people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is how is that a plea for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, it's them asking for love in some way. And I think we see it in children the most where when a child's throwing a tantrum, they're simply asking for presence, love, and connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And I think we're all just big children who are still asking for love, still seeking that approval, still wanting that connection and that embrace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
The end of Daybreak, Eyes of Love was supposed to have been followed up by another album.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And you don't think that's different from getting your calories from whole foods and real foods?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Right, right, right, right. So this is more of like a supplementary package. It's not a replacement meals.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah. And what does your supplement intake look like? You said 50 pills?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah. Do any of the measurement tools have adverse effects on health?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And what do those eight include?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Amazing. I can't wait to try it out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
I appreciate it. Yeah. I'm looking forward to it. And wait, so what time are you eating then? Because if you're finishing eating at 1130 AM, what time are your meals?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
So you're eating everything within five and a half hours. What does that do to the body?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Do you have any cheat days or any?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
It is interesting how quickly your taste buds rewire when you kind of disconnect from some of these foods. I've definitely done long, refined sugar-free fasts. for, you know, I don't know the longest one I've ever done, but definitely a few months.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And I feel like after that, as someone who grew up addicted to chocolate, what you were talking about when you grew up in a family where sodas and drinks, it was like, for me, I grew up in a family where all we ate was chocolate all day. And so for me to go back to, there are days when I'm like, that does not taste anywhere near as I thought it was going to taste.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Something that I loved and adored before has kind of lost it. And you just notice how quickly, do you have any data on how quick it takes to rewire your taste buds? Because I feel like that is such a... interesting feeling because now it's not like you're even fighting it. Like you said, when you taste it, you're like, God, I didn't even want that. That's a really fascinating place to be at.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
So have you seen any deer and how quick we can rewire our taste buds?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
idea that we found how we somehow found truth and that anything else is non-true is not truth but like it's like we can adapt to any reality like that it's like we've seen that again and again so do you are you someone who gets stressed if you walk into the room and you sense that the moisture's off or the air quality's off or you ate something like how do you react to that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And then how do you react to that? Because you can't control the humidity in every room or wherever you are, for example.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Right. Yeah. Yeah. So you're not, you're not, you don't, you're not like, oh my God, like this is going to set me like, you don't, you don't have that reaction.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
So I love that. Let's talk about that because I think that what's interesting is to live a highly intentional life, but then to be adaptable and know where the wiggle room is, that seems like a great way to live. And it also seems like something that isn't usually possible.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
What we usually see is, and this isn't just to do with health, but with anything, we usually see people who are control freaks. where like everything has to be super controlled. And as soon as one control is off, they freak out. And that's not a great way to live, whether it's business, health, marriage, whatever it may be. Or you see the opposite where someone has no rules whatsoever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
They just do what they want, when they want, and life kind of goes on. And we all know where that ends up. So how have you managed to create that mindset that allows you to have space, have time, and then live a really regimented, disciplined life? Because I like that a lot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And how did you pick the areas to measure? Like, how were you able to say, these are the five, eight, I don't know how many there are metrics that I believe are the most important to longevity? How do we even know what are the things to focus on?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Are you scared of dying?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
What's your relationship like with death? What are your thoughts about it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah. Yeah. The, the Eastern perspectives always fascinated me with how our consciousness is eternal and the body's temporary. And therefore that desire to live forever comes from this very innate truth that we are eternal. We're not limited in the way the body is limited to some degree, I guess. And, uh, it's always been fascinating to me how the desire to live is a very natural one actually.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah. And, and it's uniform.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
But it's almost one that we are scared to ask. There's a lot of fear around even talking about death. It feels morbid. It feels when it's the most, it's, you know, guaranteed and the most common thing that will, it's the number one thing that will happen to everyone who's born.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
From the point of view of data, what's different about what men need to do for longevity and what women need to do for longevity?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And how does someone lower their inflammation, which is known as like the silent killer?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
I want that. That sounds amazing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
I don't know my level recently. I've got a blood test coming up again, so I need to check it out with Darshan. But yeah, it's always been one of those things that's been hard for me to manage.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah. And what are people getting wrong in their daily schedule with stress that they could easily change to kind of lower that? Because like we talked about earlier, not everyone's in a position to take care of their own schedule, build their thing. They may be working a job in a certain way. Like what are some things people can do to manage that throughout the day?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
The people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is how is that a plea for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, it's them asking for love in some way. And I think we see it in children the most, where when a child's throwing a tantrum, they're simply asking for presence, love, and connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And I think we're all just big children who are still asking for love, still seeking that approval, still wanting that connection and that embrace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
What does your one-hour workout look like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Okay, yeah, very balanced.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah. What I love about everything you're saying is that it's things that, it's almost like some of it we know, some of it we're aware of. The biggest challenge, I guess, when it comes to all of this is discipline.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Your left ear is 64.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Walk me through that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah, I think the systems point is so true. And a big part of systems is focusing on how you feel after the system is complete, not before.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Like I have the same system. I know what days I work out and what times I work out. And... it's still hard before one of those days to feel like I really want to do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
But I know for a fact I'm going to feel great. So even when I'm in that moment to message and be like, oh, I don't want to work out today, I know I'm going to regret that later. Yes. And I'm actually going to appreciate later that I got that workout in, even when I felt tired, even when I felt sluggish.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
That's actually going to be the best time. And so I love the answer of systems, but I think it's kind of programming the mind to be committed to the feeling after you complete a system, never how you're going to feel before.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah, and what's interesting about that is a lot of people will say, well, are you just not ignoring your emotions and how you feel? What I find is the opposite, that the system makes you better at dealing with any emotion that then comes up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
So it's not that you don't have emotions and you don't have feelings and you don't experience stress or anxiety, but the system being in place actually just gave you all of this willpower, going back to your point. And I think that's where we go wrong because I think we've kind of got to this place in society where it's like, well, how you feel is the reality, is the truth. Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And it's like, whoa, if I just listen to how I feel all the time, I'll probably never do anything that's good for me. Yes. I'll probably eat lots of stuff that's bad for me. And I'll never choose the thing that's right for me. And I'll keep doing what's wrong for me because it's easier. Exactly. And my mind is constantly trying to get me to do what's easier.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And what's easier is really good for me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah. I find that to be the, I mean, that feels like it's it, like what's good for me is not easy. And what's easy is not good for me. And what's uncomfortable is probably the right decision. And what's comfortable is probably the wrong decision. What did it take you to program yourself to say yes to that algorithm?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah, interesting. I think it's something we don't realize. I saw my... mom lose her hearing in one ear and the other one pretty weak. And it's been really sad to watch because it's completely changed her personality. Exactly. And it's completely changed her ability to connect in a conversation. She's super fun. She's bubbly, conversative.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
What's holding us back from thinking health can lead to happiness?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
I always try and think about it from my knowledge base of Eastern literature and philosophy. There's four archetypes in Eastern philosophy, and they all have different goals within a society. And one archetype aims for knowledge. One aims for power and control and influence. One aims for resources and wealth, and one aims for comfort and stability and security.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And I think that in times like these, you become pretty much only two of them, which is you either aim for security, stability, and comfort, or you aim for resources, accumulation, power, and control. And the thirst and pursuit for growth and evolution and improvement has become kind of bottom of the pile. It's the hardest and it's the most powerful, but it requires so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And like you said, because we've been wired to either want to remain the same or want to achieve in a very external way. Yeah. growth becomes something unseen, right? Like right now, as I see you, I can't see that you're 18 years old. I can't see that you're any of these things. And so then I'm like, well, that's not important then because life's based on what I see.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And that's obviously not a healthy way to live or the right way to live or... Maybe it is for some people, but it's definitely not an accurate way to live because what you see is not necessarily what's true. And so I think we've become a very visible surface level society and growth and focus and discipline or systems are such unseen parts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
It's almost like the idea that everyone wants a successful business, but people may not want to do the work to build a successful business. That's right. And so the work is unseen. The foundations of the building are unseen. The bottom of the iceberg is unseen and we still are figuring that out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
But as soon as she started losing her hearing and the hearing aid technology is definitely not caught up with any of the technology you're talking about. We got her the best ones that I possibly could know about. And it's still so hard for her to engage. And it's such an underrated part of human life. Like you don't think losing your hearing may be that impactful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And I'm really happy that you're putting yourself out there as someone who's not trying to appease or not trying to keep the status quo. Because I feel like when we see human brilliance in sport, music, drama, film, TV, whatever it may be, The truth is we love it, but we can never be it or do it because there is a certain distance between you doing what LeBron James does.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And yes, there may be a distance between what we can do and what you're doing to the extreme and the top 1%. But the thing is the possibility of us getting closer to that is probably higher. So everyone who's trying to get good at golf, yeah, chances of you being Tiger Woods is pretty impossible.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
But for us to actually reverse aging is probably more likely and helpful to us in the long run as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
yeah brian thank you so much for your time today it's been uh it's been really illuminating and fascinating to talk to you and i'm hoping that we get to hang out more because uh definitely share a lot of values and share a lot of uh desires for humanity and for each other for ourselves and so i hope i get to learn a lot more from you truly yeah likewise and very excited to learn from you
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
We end every On Purpose episode with a final five. These questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum, although I know I'm going to break the rules because I'm fascinated. But Brian Johnson, these are your final five. The first question is, what is the best health or longevity advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Second question, what is the worst health or longevity advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Why are cheat days bad for us?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Question number three, what do you do for fun?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
I love that. I'm going to add a 3B. Do you drink coffee?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Why don't you drink coffee?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Should people avoid drinking coffee?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Question number four. I recently invested in a company called Function Health because I was upset about the idea that getting great data was hard and I wanted to make it more accessible to lots of people. And so The tens of thousands of people that are using Feng Shui and health now have access to 200 data sets that they didn't have before through a blood test made really simple.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
What other great data tools do you believe in that you recommend to other people to get more data? Because I think a lot of this is because you just never know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Fifth and final question we ask is to have a guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Which laws are you taking out?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Wait, how far does that go?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Amazing. Brian, thank you so much for tuning in. Please recommend where our audience should find you, where you'd like them to discover your work so that they can get more data, get more insight and transform their health.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Brian, thank you so much. Thanks. Appreciate it. If this year you're trying to live longer, live happier, live healthier, go and check out my conversation with the world's biggest longevity doctor, Peter Attia, on how to slow down aging and why your emotional health is directly impacting your physical health.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
The people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is how is that a plea for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, it's them asking for love in some way. And I think we see it in children the most where when a child's throwing a tantrum, they're simply asking for presence, love, and connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah. It's so funny, isn't it? It's really interesting how we judge intentionality and you only recognize how intentional you wish you were when you lose something. And it's like that. I think there's that famous quote that says the best time to plant a tree was like a hundred years ago.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
but otherwise it's today. Like the idea of like, you're just never gonna, you will always feel you wish you started earlier, always. But that only hits you when sadly something really bad happens. And then you're like, gosh, I wish I thought about this when I was 25, 20, et cetera. And yeah, so I mean, when I'm thinking about what you're saying,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
what is there an age or damage level from which there is no return? What parts of the body, is there a specific age where you're like, if you're this chronological age and your biological age of this body part is this, it's over?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah, that's brilliant. What age are you hoping, or I guess you don't have to hope, predicting to live to?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Right. But your physical self, you still feel that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
And what kind of compromise do you think that's going to take on a personal level or sacrifice? And you may not use those words, but if someone was looking at it and was thinking about it from that perspective.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bryan Johnson: New SHOCKING Science on How to Reverse Your Age by 31 Years & The Damaging Impact of 1 Bad Night Sleep
Yeah. How bad was your health before all of this?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Oh yeah, nice little side glance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
It's a look back up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
It's like you're looking around, but then.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
This is a painful study.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Just that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Does it matter the tone of voice? Because you say it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
So if you go like, hey, it's not like. That was pretty good. Okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
That was me trying to downplay it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah. Right. Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. So here's the thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
A lot of us, when you're attracted to someone, your heart rate goes up, you start breathing shallower, and you're about to say it. Like you go, hey, hey. Like that's the reaction because you're so nervous. And this is why we don't have enough couples. Yeah, this is the reason. This is the reason. Because of the way we're saying it, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
How do you let someone know that they should make a move without giving it away?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
So what do we do when you're like, when you're feeling that like attraction, maybe you've even built up to it. You've been going to class every day for 30 days and this guy's turning up three times. You're trying to send the cue. Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I never sound like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Actually, you're right. To my niece and nephew. They look at me like, stop talking to me like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah. I love, oh, that's good. I like that. I really like that because I think a lot of people listening right now, they might be thinking, but I want to be accepted for who I am. What's the difference between who we are and how we choose to present ourselves? Because I think people get confused.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
They go, oh, but I am that kind of person who's nervous and anxious and everything, but that's not who they are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Tell me why compliments don't work. How do we tell the difference between charisma and narcissism?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah, that's a great answer. And what's really good about it is also that if that person says, hey, back, you're now not at this crazy level of nervousness and anxiety where you can't, now you're in shock and now you don't even know how to respond. And then that ruins it. We were talking about one of my friends who's a comedian called Jared Freedy has a podcast called You Up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And there was an episode where he was talking about sometimes it's hard to spark up a conversation with someone at a class. And he was saying it's good to just go up to someone and say something like, Tough class, right? Like, you know, whatever it may be, like something to find some mutual ground before you hit it off. And I think even that, saying that in this tone could help.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
What are the negative cues we miss because we're infatuated or attracted to someone?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. You know that one of my biggest focuses and services is introducing you to experts who are obsessed and addicted to their field. People who are powerhouses, who deeply and intimately understand human behavior so they can help you improve yours and spot signs of the people around you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
No way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I like that you did that and said that because I do the same thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
So no, literally, it's exactly the same thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I like you. That never happened. And I love that because to me, it's, I have so many friends in LA that when I met them first time, I said, I think we'd be great friends. And I'd love to see if that's true. And like now, seven years later, whenever we're out and everyone's like, well, how did you two meet? And then my friends will always try and be polite.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I'll be like, oh yeah, we just met through. And I'm like, no, no, no. Let me tell the story. I said that I liked you and I wanted to be your friend. And I love living that way because I think it makes life so clear. It makes life so easy. Everyone knows where everyone's intentions are. And if someone is too cool for me or doesn't like that, at least I know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
The Me Too goal is a real switch because I think a lot of us, when you approach someone, if you don't ask about the weather, you usually try and compliment someone. And that doesn't work. Vanessa, tell me why compliments don't work.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Today's guest is going to do just that. I want to welcome to On Purpose for the first time ever, but not the last time, Vanessa Van Edwards, a multi-time bestselling author, renowned behavioral researcher on professional communication and leadership. More than 50 million people have seen Vanessa's talks on YouTube and her viral TED Talk as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
That distance and hierarchy makes so much sense, especially when someone's new. It's different if you know someone. But if you randomly go up to someone and go, oh, I really like the color of that dress, what are they going to say? I'm like... Thanks. Exactly. And now it's like, oh.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yes. I get it about my eyes all the time. That's the compliment. And I always say I didn't earn them, so thanks. That's my response because I'm like, I didn't do anything. Thanks to my parents.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And the person's like, they're black. Exactly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah, you're stuck. And that's what I like about your goal. I really, really like that advice. And I hope everyone uses it. We're trying to get a me too. And you have to have a goal to every conversation. The goal cannot be, let me get to the next question. That's it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Which is usually where we get stuck, which is like, I'm just going to live in this like jumping relationship between like- Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, yeah, where did you grow up? What do you do for work? Do you have any siblings? Like all these questions that just, you know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Vanessa's work has been featured in national and international media, including Entrepreneur Magazine, CNN, CBS, and many more. Vanessa's latest book, Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication, was an instant bestseller, and I highly recommend it. Please welcome to On Purpose, Vanessa Van Edwards.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
That's good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I'm going to say, oh, let's guess.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Let's guess, Jay. Because I don't know. So I'm going to guess that you have one sibling. I was going to say three. No way. More, yeah. Five? Four.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Guess mine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
You mean… Are you the youngest? No, I'm the oldest.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I have one younger sister.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
What I love about that is we often put so much pressure on people to be interesting and pressure on ourselves to be interesting. And we think it's about having this unique conversation starter or this amazing point of view or this debate that, you know, it's, I feel like we put so much pressure, like we've got to start giving a TED talk to the person sitting next to us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And actually that disengages them. I love the guessing game. I think it applies to any of those three questions you just shared.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Where do you come from? Where do you live now? All of that. And it makes it so much more fun. And you get a sense of what someone's personality is. And I like the interactivity. It's almost like, I'm sure you feel this way when you're on stage a lot and you're talking to an audience.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
My least favorite thing is someone saying, give a 60 minute keynote and don't engage the audience in the conversation. Because all of a sudden it's one way. And I think that's what we think interesting conversations sound like, where we can just talk about our lives and come across interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Oh, it's so great to have you here. I've been looking forward to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Waiting for this moment. Me too. And from the moment you walked in, I was like, this person is so charismatic. I was like, so magnetic, such great energy. And I want to start off Vanessa, just to dive straight in. Let's do it. If someone was not only to listen, but to apply the insights you're about to share today, what would they overcome?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah. Yeah. What if, what if you're in one of these conversations and you want it to end? Oh yeah. Where like, you're just like, I want this to end. I've been looking around. I'm trying to just edge towards the door, like sidestep.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I'm trying to figure it out. But like this guy's hitting on me. This girl's talking to me. This person's just wasting my time. I'm in this bar. I'm in this gym. What would I do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah, that's great because you can't always just be like, oh, I'm just going to go get dessert because you might not be. You can't be like, oh, I'm leaving.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
The nightmare reaction. Like, why did I say that? Or you're not leaving the party yet. You just want to talk to someone else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
67%. Longer, yeah. That makes so much sense. I do it in the podcast all the time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And I've actually been in podcasts where the interviewer, some interviews are trained not to nod at all. And I find it really hard to talk to someone like that. Where I have to talk. And yeah, if I speak to someone who's not nodding at all, I find it really challenging.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Oh, I love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
That's so strong. And I resonate with it so strongly because I'm sure just like you, I meet so many people who feel they have the next big idea, who feel that they have something to share, something to give, something to teach, something to pass on. but they don't feel confident. They're lacking that feeling of courage. They're lacking that feeling of, I don't know how to present my idea.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
So let's say you were at the gym. You said hey. They said hey back. You ended up going on a couple of dates, right? You've graduated from the gym to a restaurant or a coffee shop or whatever. And now you're on a date with that person and you're trying to figure out whether they're lying or telling the truth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
You're trying to figure out whether you feel good around them or not.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And you don't really figure that out until third or fourth day anyway. For sure. You don't really know enough. You're not getting enough cues going back to your point, especially if you're spending time with people in a very limited environment. Totally.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
So if you're seeing someone in a coffee shop or a restaurant or going to the movies or whatever it may be, you're seeing them for one and a half hours, two hours, and it's controlled.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
You started to spend more time with them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
What are the negative cues we miss because we're infatuated or attracted to someone?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Oh, wow. That's a lot of trust.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
You've got to be safe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I've just had a full light bulb moment. I'm like, oh my gosh. I'm like, I do that. I've seen other people do it. Like, you know, you just, yeah, wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I don't know how to share it. And this is what we're going to do today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Gosh.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I cannot believe you can tell that much from scent.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
From smell.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Now that's all anyone's going to do. I know. Just go around sniffing people in a bar.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah. But how much, obviously, how much do perfumes help people liven?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
yeah and like let your natural scent fly yeah it's really funny because yeah yeah my my wife's definitely into like natural essential oils she won't she won't really use any of and and i'm happy with that but then i have one cologne that i love that she hates but everyone else in the world loves but she likes my natural scent but she doesn't want me to yes yeah so it's an interesting one but everywhere else i go everyone loves it so i'm like i'm gonna keep spraying this oh
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
But you know what's really interesting about that is I think sometimes we all know that I know that there's a big difference between what you're sharing and teaching and people pleasing. There's a big difference. But to the untrained eye, it's a fine line where people are now trying to get a reaction.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And therefore they're starting to say things that they may not mean, which is not what you're suggesting at all.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And we do it and people do it to us, right? Like if we're all honest, like everyone kind of does it. Someone may overtly do on a date, especially in the beginning. And then you realize afterwards that they didn't really know what that was or love that type of food.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Totally. Totally.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
What I really appreciate about what you're saying, you just named three things there. You said, if I want to come across as friendly, likable, and competent. What's really fascinating is I think most of us don't even know we want to come across that way. This is true.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah. And it starts a great conversation too. I think that's the point that you think you're going to suddenly take away the energy from a conversation. But if you have an interesting point of view, you have a different direction to take it, it can be great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Totally. Yeah. I want to go into the part you mentioned there of manipulation. Because I think people who are charismatic and narcissist often have quite similar traits. Or at least today we talk about them in that way. And it's hard because... some people just have that power and control and feel like they're almost moving everyone else around like they're pawns.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And often it can be quite magnetic. We can be quite drawn to it at first because it feels, yeah, it feels like there's awe and reverence and there's this feeling of, wow, you blow me away and you have so much magnetic energy only to realize it was manipulation and narcissism. How do we tell the difference between charisma and narcissism?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah, I mean, what you just said there about the way we sit and speak to people, it's a lot more easy to be open with someone if you're not staring eye to eye, especially for men, I assume. Yes. And there's a sense of, yeah, there's a sense of we're kind of moving in the same direction rather than against each other. That kicks in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I think there was a story about how Steve Jobs always used to do walking meetings like that. He always wanted to walk side by side with people. Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I think the big thing I'm taking away is this off script idea.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
It's this breaking the script. It's interrupting the pattern.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Because we're all so caught up in our patterns. And by the way, that makes you boring as well. It makes you less interesting. Just as you said earlier, if you're being asked the same three questions, it's hard to answer them in an interesting way. It's hard to make how many siblings you have an interesting conversation on the 37th time over coffee.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Exactly. And that's what I love, how you've interrupted the pattern, whether that's through the questions you ask, whether that's through gamification, whether it's through changing the path, the way you're connecting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Oh, that's so good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I would hope it is,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
You literally read my mind. I was about to shift to work. So you already went ahead of it, which is great. So I'm really glad that you gave the alternative because I've had a lot of people that I've asked that question to lately and they actually feel so much pressure because I think we're living at this time now where everyone's doing something so big, which is what it looks like.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And so then when you ask someone that, they're scared that they don't have something big to say. And so they either shrink and they actually get scared of that conversation. They go, I don't really want to talk about that. I get a lot of that sometimes. Or someone like, oh, that's a lot of pressure, exciting. I'm just trying to get by, right? Like that happens.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
People would say that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And it's interesting that even though it's such a better question than what do you do, how's life? How's it going? It can create some friction. And so I really like talking about it when it doesn't go your way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
That's good. That's good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah. And any question, I always say to people, any question you are going to ask someone else, make sure you know the answer to your own. Totally. Right? Because I think so often we'll ask a question and they'll be like, well, what about you? And you're like, oh, I don't know. You know, and so be ready to answer it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah, of course they do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
What was this? Do you know? Give me some of the cues there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I've always struggled with that because everyone in my life thinks I'm an extrovert. But I get energy when I'm alone. I work on my own. I don't like working groups and brainstorms. It's not my vibe. I have to dive deep on my own. I like dealing with problems on my own. But I'm not an introvert. I'm an ambivert. Why?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Oh yeah. I've got friends like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I have a friend that I say, I'm like, you could have dated or married anyone. Yes. Because he will just fall madly in love. He'll make it good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah. No, no. I want to react to those two thoughts that came to mind to the first part you talked about. I always like to remind people that there's two ways of growing in a friendship. There's growing together and there's growing apart. Only those two? Notice how they both say growing, right? But when we're growing apart, we think we lost something or we think it ended or we think we failed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And it's like, no, that was growth too. And there was growing together. But we think if you're growing together, then it's going right. And if you're growing apart, it's growing wrong. And it's like, no, there's growth. And so I always like to remind myself that. But to your other point, I think it's because time has become more valuable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And our self-awareness has risen at the same time as we value time. So I'm the same. I now find it much more frustrating to watch a bad show in the evening and feel like I wasted three hours of my evening than I ever did before.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
So I don't know if it's an ambivert thing or a personal or an age thing, or I just know that I'm like, like me and my wife went back and forth on that a couple of years ago. I was just like, I'm not getting anything out of this. Like if we want to do something together, I want to do something that helps us connect and go deep.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
97.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Or I'd rather go read and work, to be honest, because I'd get so much more out of that than I would have sitting here and watching nothing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Unless it's a great show, obviously.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
No, that's really interesting because I think it's for people who've optimized all areas of their life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yes. There's also a sign of I'm looking for optimization. But the way you just explained it, which I loved, is what we're ultimately doing is looking for new states of belonging.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
So what I was saying to one of my friends the other day, I said, my oldest friends in London will always be my best friends. There is never going to be someone who knows me that deeply, intimately, or as long. But I need a new set of friends that have similar lives to me today Because I have different me too's now using your language.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I have different me too's with them that I can't have with my old friends. And so it's not a replacement or a substitute, but it is finding people that I feel we both have podcasts and we can talk about all the challenges that come with the podcast. We both travel the world too much and, you know, whatever. And I need to have someone that I can vent about those things and talk about those things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I think we all do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I found great relationships to not having the same exact value. I actually think it's very rare to truly have the same exact values. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because push comes to shove, you're going to choose something over the other. Yeah. But I found that the best relationships I have are with people who respect my values and I respect theirs.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
So we don't even have to agree, but I really value that your value makes you you. And so I respect it. And you value that my value makes me me and you respect it. And that allows us to operate in our own universe and world, but have a mutual sense of appreciation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Oh, definitely not. Those parameters are blocking people. Like he has to be six foot four. And it's like, you could have a six foot three guy who is perfect. But the filter has kept him out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah. Oh gosh. I wanted to talk a bit about women in the workplace because I think, and as you just talked about, you know, being a working mom and I think about women in the workplace and And I think about how cues and body language are very different in how we perceive men and women. And whenever I speak to women, they'll say, I get seen as being difficult instead of being direct.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I'm seen as being argumentative as opposed to being assertive. I'm seen as being moody as opposed to just having a failed, rejected day or whatever would have happened. And I feel like the standards are different. What does a woman do when she feels that her directness is being seen as difficulty?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Absolutely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
That is so good. That is so good. And you're so right that we all think we can compensate for our lack of warmth with competence. That's it. Or we can compensate for our lack of competence with warmth. Right. And the point is, people won't respect or like you based on, they'll like you if you're warm, but they won't respect you if you're not competent.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I agree. I really like that. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I mean, that is the recipe for respect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
It's as simple as that. And everything we've talked about today, what I deeply appreciate is that it's earned, it's built, it's engineered, it's prepared for. It's not something that someone just has and turns up with, which is this myth that I think makes people go, oh my God, they're just special.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I want to remind people, I think this stuff can be used disingenuously.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And it's only disingenuous if it goes back to what we were talking about earlier, where it shifts into manipulation. It shifts to like trying to get something out of something and extraction and lying and, you know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Yeah, and what I love about this is this is all happening before you get to the date, before you get to the event, before you get to the interview. This is where it has to start. And I think so many of us turn up and naturally, by the way, me included, I think the challenge I have is people may assume that I'm always confident and have it all together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I love that. Vanessa, you are incredible. I think you masterfully go between warmth and confidence. I can now, we spent two hours together. No, I mean it. I think the work you're doing is amazing. And I think it's so needed in a time when a lot of us are dealing with low self-esteem, low confidence. We think everyone else is impressive and we're not. And we're lonely. And we're lonely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And we look around and we think we're the only one struggling. When the reality is someone just had the chance to develop a few of these skills, maybe in a workplace, maybe in college, maybe their parents had some of these naturally. And you don't have to feel that what you have now is all you have.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And there's this old meme that I love that people post and it says, confidence isn't everyone will like me. Confidence is I'll be okay if everyone doesn't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And I've always loved that because I think we think confidence means, oh, everyone likes them. And A, that's not true for anyone at all. And B, it's no, I'll be okay if they don't because... I know why I did that. I know why I showed up that way. I know why I said, hey, because life's too short. I know why I made eye contact because I wanted to form a real connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I know why we went on a road trip because I wanted to make sure that someone was not just being a script.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
It's like I did all of that and I know why I did it, even if it didn't go the way I wanted it to go.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Vanessa, thank you so much for showing up in your full self. We end every episode of On Purpose with the final five. These have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Vanessa, your first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Good advice. Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
If I don't prepare for an event, I can turn up and feel exactly the same way because I walk in and I'm rushed there and I'm thinking, gosh, what am I going to say? Like, why am I here again? And why is that person looking at me with that way? And were they right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
It doesn't help, yeah. Because you don't even know what you're capable of.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
yeah I love the answer question number three and you can expand on this a bit because I think it's really important I feel like right now we're losing a lot of these cues because most of us are on a dating app and we're messaging so you don't even get to see what someone's looking at you don't get the smell hey Hey, you don't get that. You don't get the smell.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
You don't get the ability to give 29. You know, you don't get it. And so what are we losing and how do we navigate it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I love that. It's great advice. Did you find someone yet?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I do like that though. I really, I really like that. Where do I want to go? Question four. Question four. How do we get comfortable with awkward poses?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I love that. I did it just then even to come up with that question because I was trying to figure out where we wanted to go.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
yeah and I didn't want to just do this what I'm doing now which is like oh I'm thinking Vanessa what to ask you next and I'm not sure where to go with it but I'm thinking about it like let me just think about it for a second is that okay and it's just filler it's just filler and we're lost and it's like well no I actually didn't know and I thought about it for a second and it gave me a moment to take a breath and we both feel comfortable and I was like okay feels comfortable so do I yeah yeah and and it's okay to do that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
My bad day first impression word would be absent. Like I'm just… Oh, like muting. Yeah, like I'm just not quite there. I'm probably looking through someone. I'm probably not listening as well as I usually do. Because I'm kind of just… I'm lost. I'm a bit lost and absent, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Fifth and final question. We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I like that advice. That's good. That's good. Vanessa Van Edwards, everyone. Thank you so much. That was a masterclass in dating, work, communication cues. I really hope you come back on the show. I would love it. And I hope we get to spend more time together. And everyone who's been listening or watching, I want you to tell me, I want you to tag me and Vanessa on Instagram, on TikTok.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I want you to share with us what you're testing, what you're trying, what you're experimenting with. If you said hey to someone, Right? Whichever one of these that you did, I want you to tell us that you're doing it. I want you to share with us what you're trialing because that's where we learn together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
You're going to inspire so many people who follow you and connect with you, your friends and family to learn about how they can master the secret language of charismatic communication. You have the ability, everyone else you know does as well. It's just about finding it and building it. Vanessa has the blueprint.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Go and follow her across social media, grab her books and tag us both when you're listening to this episode.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
I'll marry you that's brilliant I love that that's so cool hey everyone if you loved that conversation go and check out my episode with the world's leading therapist Laurie Gottlieb where she answers the biggest questions that people ask in therapy when it comes to love relationships heartbreak and dating if you're trying to figure out that space right now you won't want to miss this conversation
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Which never happens in my house. Okay, great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And I think that that's hard to shifting that, moving that forward when you have to start going to places where you don't know anyone. Right. And there were two areas I really wanted to focus on with you today. One was looking at the dating landscape and we'll start there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
And the second I want to focus on is work because I feel like those are the two areas where your skills and your habits and your tools thrive in a way that, that, you know, people are going to change their lives. We were talking about this idea that let's say you're at a workout class let's say you're at a social space, maybe it is a rooftop bar, maybe it is a club. Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
You want to signal to someone to make a move. You want to let them know that you find them attractive, that you'd like them to do something, but you want to be subtle. You don't want to give it away. How do you let someone know that they should make a move without giving it away?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
29.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Oh, okay, cool. That's it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
That's a lot of signals. That is pretty constant. And if you didn't tell me, I probably would have guessed three. Right. It was only because you gave me a sense that there was more. I probably would have said three, seven.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Do you have to approach more based on how objectively attractive you are? You have to be available more.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Vanessa Van Edwards: Stop Overthinking Every Social Interaction! (Use THESE Cues to Be Liked, Respected, and Build Confidence in Every Conversation)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
The people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is how is that a plea for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, it's them asking for love in some way. And I think we see it in children the most where when a child's throwing a tantrum, they're simply asking for presence, love, and connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah. I always like to remind people that guilt blocks growth and shame doesn't help you shift and judgment doesn't help you transform. Guilt blocks growth completely. It makes you wallow more in your guilt and shame makes you feel stuck. And shackled by it. Yes. And transformation is stunted when we're not able to be nice, kind, give ourselves grace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And it's funny because we almost think we can guilt ourselves into moving. Like, oh, if I guilt myself enough, then maybe I'll change. I'll be motivated. Maybe I'll be motivated. Maybe you will for like a couple of days. But over time it runs out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
If you shame yourself into change, maybe for a couple of days you'll eat better, work out more, whatever it is that you have your personal challenges with. But it's not sustainable. Like shame and guilt are not sustainable emotions and they run out of steam very quickly. And I was thinking about something that you've spoken about before is your journey with your own skin.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
and like how you've had skin anxiety. And I know at one point you went completely like no makeup at one period of time in your life. And then now of course you have this, you know, you're in the beauty industry now as well. And you really care about how people care about their internal. and the casing that we all have.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And I know that you live a conscious, spirited life, which I really want to dive into, but I think often those of us who live spiritual lives, we can be quite negligent of our casing and of this body. And you can kind of disconnect from it. Disconnect from it, maybe. Yeah, disconnect from it. Right, right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And so I wanted to ask you, how has your relationship changed with your skin that was something that brought you anxiety?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
To feeling more confident in your skin.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. I'm so grateful for the amazing conversations that I get to have, which are all about human evolution, growth, purification, and cleansing. Today's guest is someone who has talked about this at length in her amazing memoir, in her documentaries, in so many forms.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah, that's so beautiful. I mean, I couldn't agree more. As someone who was very negligent of a lot of this stuff, like growing up and not really thinking about it. I've seen the value of, I'm a big fan of affirmations.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
I think even when it comes to cleansing my face, what that means, what that feels like, how different I feel internally because of it, how it can be a reminder to continue to cleanse and detox the soul, as well as that which is around me. There's There's so much of that connection from body, mind, spirit, and soul that I think we lose and we don't realize how interconnected they all are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
What you were saying about stress, I found really powerful because so for me, my stress shows up as tightness in my body. Like I feel my stress is like it gets stored in my neck or my shoulders. And then I'm just feeling tight, even though I was like, I didn't know I was stressed. I didn't know what I was going through. And as you're saying, for some people, it shows up in their skin.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And today I'm so excited that we finally have her on the podcast, in the flesh, in person, although her voice and her energy speaks through the microphone at any time. Today's guest is the one, the only Alicia Keys, a 16-time Grammy award-winning singer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
I was going to ask you, there's a bit of an addiction we also have to stress and drama. And there's this feeling sometimes where we prefer it when we have stress and business and we're workaholics and we like the drama and almost when there's peace, we almost get confused and lost because- Scared even. Exactly, we get scared, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
So what would you say to someone who's actually, they're listening to us right now and they're like, wow, I just realized that's who I am. I actually like, I choose stress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
I don't think people do it consciously, but I think unconsciously when I sit with people, they'll find that their inherited choice is to naturally stay busy, work a lot, create drama in their relationship, whatever it is, because we're more used to it. Not because we're bad people or because we're wrong, but because we kind of feel familiar with And I'll give you the opposite example.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
I have lots of friends who will be like, oh, I'm dating this guy and it's really peaceful. I'm bored. And so there's that, right? Where people actually have like peace and stillness and connection. We're like, yeah, there's nothing to talk about. So I don't think it's something that people do on purpose. And I don't think it's something that people even do it consciously.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
But I think we do like to stay busy and stressed to some degree. Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my on-purpose podcast live and in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
We'll dive into experiences designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me and get yours today. Okay, I am so excited about this because we've got the first ever merch drop for On Purpose. It's finally here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And for World Mental Health Day, we're doing an exclusive limited edition drop with all the proceeds going to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, NAMI. So now you can wear your On Purpose merch, listen to the podcast and know that you too are having an impact. I want to thank you so much in advance. I can't wait to see all of your pictures wearing the merch.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
There's sweatshirts, a hat, t-shirts. Check it out on our website, jshettyshop.com. That's jshettyshop.com. And remember, 100% of the proceeds go to NAMI.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Let me say that again, 16-time Grammy award-winning singer, songwriter, musician, producer, founder of Keys Soul Care, which you'll be hearing about today, New York Times bestselling author, film, television, and Broadway producer as well, accomplished actress, entrepreneur, and a powerful force in the world of activism.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Alicia is one of the original founders of She Is The Music, an initiative to create change for women and build an equal future for music. Alicia sold over 65 million records, over 5 billion streams, and built an unparalleled repertoire of hits and accomplishments.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah. When I'm hearing you talk about how much we have to filter from the outside world, you mentioned a few times your parents, people's parents, like a lot of, a lot comes from our parents. And I know you spoke about it so beautifully in your book that I got to interview about, which I love that it was such a, it was such a beautiful memoir that you wrote a few years back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And I was wondering what, I always think about our parents giving us gifts and gaps and They give us certain gifts and they leave certain gaps. And we end up spending our whole life trying to get other people to fill those gaps and give us the same gifts. And it creates a lot of good things and issues. So I was going to ask you, what would you say are the gifts you got from your mother and father?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And what were the gaps that they left and how did they affect you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Hell's Kitchen, the 13-time Tony Award-nominated original stage musical Alicia diligently worked for 13 years to create, opened on Broadway at the Schubert Theatre on April 20th, 2024. Today, we're talking about Alicia's holistic beauty and skincare line, Keys Soul Care, which I can't wait for you all to try. Welcome to On Purpose, Alicia Keys.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah, I think it has such a, we don't realize how much of an impact it has on every relationship that comes after those relationships with our parents and how it becomes like the guiding map of our whole life. And then you look back and you go, why am I expecting someone to give me this gift? It's like, because my parents gave me it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Now I want everyone that loves me to show me they love me in this way. Yeah. And I want them to fill this exact gap. And if they don't fill this gap, then they don't love me. Because that was where that self-worth you were saying of like, because if you were made to feel unworthy in a certain way, then you think anyone who doesn't show you love in that way, then they don't think you're worthy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
But they may not. They're not aware of the gift and the gap. And they've got their own as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. And I mean, obviously you've been married for what, 14 years now? Yes. Congratulations. Thank you. That's amazing. That's beautiful. We're like, whoa, that's crazy. It's brilliant. We love it. We love it. Yeah. I always, whenever I see you both, you seem so happy and joyous and, you know, complimentary to each other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
I think what I find really fascinating in relationships is what people end up teaching each other. What would you say Swizz has been able to teach you and what have you taught him?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
The people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is how is that a plea for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, it's them asking for love in some way. And I think we see it in children the most, where when a child's throwing a tantrum, they're simply asking for presence, love, and connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And I think we're all just big children who are still asking for love, still seeking that approval, still wanting that connection and that embrace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And also to meet everything with love, right? When you can come from a place of love, even when you're dealing with anger or frustration or any of the things that don't make you feel good, to just return it with love is a beautiful lesson.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
So I'm you and my wife Swizz. So I'm like that. I'm like very intentional, very like, I'm like strategy designed, intentional life. Right. And she's just like this ball of energy. But I wanted to ask you, because those things seem like they're at loggerheads with each other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
right like they seem like on the outside that would seem like well if he's like go with the flow and you're like yeah but we need to know what we're doing that sounds like a terrible matchup like that sounds like a fight ready to you know wait to happen yeah an explosion because that's completely contradictory in terms of him being in flow and same with radhi like being completely this
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
bundle and ball of energy and joy. And then we're both trying to be more thoughtful and strategic. So how does that, how have you allowed each other to operate as who you are and take without feeling like someone's trying to change you or that you've got to be someone else or they've got to be someone else?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
You've been so wonderful to me over the years, honestly. We've had such a sweet relationship whenever we've collaborated. Right. And from day one, you've always been so giving. But seeing as you reacted to that in that way, I wonder whether little Alicia, if she saw that that was her life ahead, what would have been her reaction if she heard all of those things were going to happen in her life?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
It works. Yeah, that's beautiful to hear. And I love that. Did you write that? Was that a poem that you came across? I want to remember.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
So do I. Just as when you were moving your hands for anyone who's not watching.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Alicia was moving her hands from being open to like holding one of her hands closed. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah, no, I love that. I wrote a chapter in my last book called Your Partner is Your Guru. And it's that, I feel that way. And I think that the quality that's required so much in long-term relationships is humility. And it's the hardest quality to have with your partner often, where we have our biggest egos.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And we say this is the person we love the most, but they're the person we have the least humility with. Like if they don't like what we're wearing or if they give us feedback or... We're all like... That's... It hurts the most because... It does.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah. Yes. Good point. But it stops us sometimes from...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
opening up as as you're talking about as you have been able to right like it stops you from sometimes learning from that person because you think your way is the right way or that what you learned and what you inherited was the right way to solve a problem especially i'm imagining when you have kids that that that's what just hit me like a ton of ton of birds because we do find ourselves in those circumstances where naturally something that he might feel is quite different from what i might feel in regards to the kids and um
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Well, it sounds like you've both been quite intentional about your relationship from your vows from the beginning of like, what does this look like? Right. And what are the barriers around disagreements?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Like we're allowed to disagree. And the same with me and my wife, we have a rule as well. Like no yelling, no raising the voice, no, obviously nothing physical, but like there has to be a very clear way of solving this. And we're allowed to disagree. We're allowed to end disagreements.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
on completely two different sides of a conversation we don't have to end with the perfect resolution it may not be the way right but we don't have to get there in a violent aggressive or tension-filled way through our words or our actions or our how loud we are because that pushes the person away so much i've read this poem that was talking about
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
when people argue they have to shout and scream because that's how distant their souls are and so even though you're standing right in front of them their soul is so far away from you that you have to shout in order to communicate but you don't realize that that just pushes them further away And that actually if you whispered and you were quiet and you would actually draw them closer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Ooh, that's a bar. Yeah. And so, you know, I love that. I love that metaphor. And I need to hear this song that you've written about the hands. I'll find it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
i love that that's beautiful that's beautiful yeah how do you decide that a song doesn't come out like how does how does because how many songs does an artist make that never so many like in your in your lifetime like how many songs never would would someone have never two three hundred wow yeah so that's like 20 albums left. So many.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah. And time's usually, when you said that earlier, I thought of it. I was like, time is actually what puts anxiety onto everything. If we say I have to have achieved this by this age, that's now the anxiety because if it took 23 years, it took 23 years and you got there in the end. Right. But if you said this has to be ready this year, that's what put anxiety on everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And I was thinking about that. I was like, you're so right that when I make something
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
not on the universe's time and not on divine timing and it's on my timing that's when you're stressed that's what i'm stressed about freaking out yeah and of course there are things you have to like if you have contracts and commitments and you have to get it in a time yeah you do your best yeah but it's when we're asking or trying to manifest things that we put
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
time on it changes what you were saying you love crystals early I was wondering what's your favorite crystal and and where did you find it how did you learn about them I feel like you have such a deeply spiritual side and I don't want to hear about it because I don't think we've dived into this before I love that's a good one man okay so where did my love for crystals come first I think that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah, now you can put it on your body. You know, it feels like... Peace, okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah. That's the point. No, I love that you've infused it in the offerings because I feel like... I too love that. Sometimes you see a crystal and you're just drawn to it. Or you see a gem and you're just drawn to it. And you can't explain it because it's not like you were into that color or you were into that shape. And all of a sudden you're just like, why am I attracted to this thing?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Because you need it. Because you need it, exactly. And I think we've lost the ability to trust ourselves on what we need because everything's become... Didactic and tactical and kind of too formulated.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
No, you so well said. I couldn't agree with you more. And I remember when I first trained to be a coach, the number one training was how you don't project your life and your limits onto anyone. Like that's the core skill because – That's all we do all day. Like someone says their idea and we project our view to it straight away, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Like someone's like, hey, I want to be a singer like Alicia Keys. And you're like, nah, it's not going to happen.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah, and it's like, but you have no idea what they're saying. You're not listening to them. There's no learning and you're just projecting what you feel. Or someone says, hey, I think I'm quitting my job and pursuing my passion on this thing. And you're like, no, no, no, don't do that. Like that's risky. And it's like, well, maybe it's, maybe they don't see it. Yeah. Maybe it's needed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Maybe risk is okay for them. And, but we're so quick and you're so right that our friends, our family, and we, we do that to others and we do to our partners as well. Like when they're just saying, Hey, you know what? I think I need a weekend off this weekend. And you're like, no, maybe there's a few things you need to get done.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And you're so, what you said so beautifully is we stop people from trusting themselves. Like, I think that really resonated with me. And, I think that's why I feel the fact that you've infused all these crystals into your offerings. I love that because it's a daily reminder of trusting. Yes. I always say this to people. I'm like, we don't use our senses enough. Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
like the scent is so powerful, right? And your products smell amazing. And the scent's amazing. And it's like, we underestimate how much we know what we need by scent. Like, I love it. I remember when I first got a massage and they brought out all the different oils and they said, Which one? Smell, which one do you want? Which one? And they were like, you'll know by smelling.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And I was like, what does that mean? And then you do it and then you're like, oh, wait a minute, I do know. I do know. Like, I do know that I need number three, which has lavender and eucalyptus or whatever it is, because I'm seeking rest and relaxation. Or I do need citrus because I'm seeking energy. And you know, right? But we don't use that scent.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
We don't use our power of scent, of sight, of sound to know what we need.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah, well, that's very relatable, I think, for people to hear that right now, to think that there was a time in your life where doubts and anxiety and fear would creep in further. It always exists for all of us, but that it controlled a part of your life. What were some of the doubts and fears and anxieties you had growing up, whether it was to your dreams or whether it was to life in general?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
What are your go-to rituals when you are having a day that is just hard, stressful, tough, demanding? What's your go-to non-negotiable set of rituals that Alicia Keys turns to when?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah, when it's really tough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
The people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is how is that a plea for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, it's them asking for love in some way. And I think we see it in children the most where...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
When a child's throwing a tantrum, they're simply asking for presence, love, and connection. And I think we're all just big children who are still asking for love, still seeking that approval, still wanting that connection and that embrace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And also to meet everything with love, right? When you can come from a place of love, even when you're dealing with anger or frustration or any of the things that don't make you feel good, to just return it with love is a beautiful lesson.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
What works for kids? Like what rituals do you feel you've actually been able to pass on? Because they're young and I always feel like a lot of parents want their kids to do things, but I feel like you may be mindful in knowing what works and what doesn't and Yeah, I love that. What are they like and what are they not like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Right? Absolutely. It's joy. It's joy. I love hearing what you're passing on to the kids. And I think so much of it is them watching you do it or them doing it with you. Right. And I think you're setting a good example and that makes it easier because there's only so much you can tell a kid to do something. But if you're there doing it, showing up, turning up. Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Then they're going to join you. They get used to it. Yeah, they get used to it. And they see that at least mom values it. Yeah. Even their names though, like Egypt and Genesis, I feel like those names are so powerful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah, they're really powerful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
What's something you've been trying to learn recently or work on recently internally for yourself? The kids are working. What have you been?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah. I love that. I can agree with you more. I think it's like, it's such a rare thing actually for someone to actually just listen and. not have a reaction. Right. And for them to know that they can keep, I feel like when you listen that way, people feel like they can actually speak from a deeper place.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
They're not just thinking and speaking, they're feeling and speaking because you're listening from a feeling space as well. Yes. And I wonder, how do you explain fame to them or explain, or do they, how do they, how do they interact with, you said your big personalities, but both of you have big lives. Like, how did they make sense of it? Or are they still too young and they don't?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Hell's Kitchen felt like to be able to take parts of your story, inspire, you know, to see your music on Broadway. I mean, that feels like, was it a different challenge? Like what was that like for you to have to go from recording in studios, making music, traveling to then doing Broadway? Like what did that look like for you? How were you creatively involved?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Have you always been like that with all your music since day one and everything? Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
It takes that. Yeah. That's what it takes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
How have you walked me through how you've refined that perfectionism? Because in one sense, the reason why you have 16 Grammys and all the rest of it is because all the success has come from that level of work and ethic and effort and perfection and all of that, like tinkering and iterations and everything. And then where have you learned to let go? Or what is it that you've done to...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
at what point do you allow it to flow? If someone's listening and they're like, Alicia, I'm a perfectionist too. What do I do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
The people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is how is that a plea?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
for love whatever behavior you see from someone it's them asking for love in some way and i think we see it in children the most where when a child's throwing a tantrum they're simply asking for presence love and connection and i think we're all just big children who are still asking for love still seeking that approval still wanting that connection and that embrace
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And also to meet everything with love, right? When you can come from a place of love, even when you're dealing with anger or frustration or any of the things that don't make you feel good, to just return it with love is a beautiful lesson.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Like Andre would always be like, try and step there. They're like, do less. Do less.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
and appreciation even more than I already had for artists, the closer I've got to the industry just from watching, because you forget that so many projects are truly pure passion and that they took 10, 15, 20 years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And when you hear about something like that, that you're saying for someone like yourself, who's already successful, already has tons of accolades in an area that's directly related, but then to think you had to wait 13 years and worked for 13 years to pull that off, you start recognizing that it takes so much patience and love, even when you have already proved yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Because I think there's this feeling that people can get tired of proving themselves or having to prove themselves. That's right. And it can feel exhausting sometimes. But the truth is that if you're growing and you're building and you have something you care about, you're constantly having to prove yourself in a new space.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah. Yeah, you'll get to where you want in life, just not in the way you imagined it. The timeline will be different. The way it looks will be different. The way it feels might be different. Even how you visioned it may be completely different, but you'll get there. Right. And the journey will probably be better and a better story than you imagined it to be. Ever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And hearing you say that is so, so fulfilling. I want to ask you one more question before we end with a final five. And this question is more just the way I've experienced you. Even today, I'm like, you've been in the industry for so long, since you were 18, you said, you know, so much success, moved around on so many different things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And I feel like anytime I've been with you, your energy is always like upbeat. You've always been positive. You've always been giving, like there's always been a
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
a really nice uh spirit and way about you that you have and I feel like you you've never become jaded by the industry or jaded by things around you and you see that a lot for people and not in a judgmental way you observe it but it seems like you've protected and carved out your space and and you're like happy place and your safe space and I was wondering how have you done that when you
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
So many people can look at something and be like, oh, well, I don't want to, you know, people be like, I don't want to be too Hollywood. I don't want to do too this. I don't want to go too that. But it feels like you've been able to protect yourself regardless, you know, being in a big thing. And I wonder how you've been able to do that and how you've been able to craft that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah. And you only realize that by giving it and knowing that you overgave or undergave. Right, right, right, right. And you only know that by trying it out. Like I know there are people in my life who I believe deserve way more energy from me because they always have that from me. And I may be overspent in this area. And it's like looking at your...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
I feel like so many people who are listening right now would say, Alicia, I feel the same way. I talk to myself in my head and I think, I can't do it. I'm not meant for it. It's not going to happen for me. And at the same time, they have this voice inside of them that says, you're made for more. You're made of more. I know I need to believe in myself. And we kind of feel this internal battle.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
bank balance at the end of the month and going, where did I overspend and where did I underspend? And energy is the same thing. Where did I overspend my energy and who did I overspend my energy with and who did I underspend with? Facts. And let me reflect on that. I love that. Thank you. Alicia, I've met, the first time we ever did the interview was only audios during the pandemic. Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
And I remember like, obviously, I mean, it's a no brainer that you have the most beautiful voice, but I remember just listening to you because we were so present because I could just
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
hear you and it was a time yeah and it was and it was a time exactly it was a time uh but i'm so grateful to be able to see all your expressions today and just you know see you come to life and we end every on purpose interview with what we call a final five every question has to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum one word to one sentence yeah but i'll probably ask you for more because i always break my own rules all right uh i'll try to be swift i'm not good at that yeah
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
It doesn't matter. It's fine. Alicia Keys, these are your final five. So question number one, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
I love that one. Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah, that's good to hear. I always like to make a list of all the worst advice everyone's had because people are going to hear it again. Right. And hopefully they'll remember this moment when they hear it. It's a good book. Yeah. Question number three, what was it like to perform at the Super Bowl?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah, it was like your dress and the piano and it was insane.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
How did your control freak nature deal with that? Like three minutes and like the puppeteers?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Oh, so that's beautiful. I love that. That makes so much sense. That's a great clarification on the earlier point, too. I love that. And that completely makes sense. In the architecture, the design, that's where the perfectionist kicks in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah, that's beautiful. Question number four. What's the first offering you want me to use and the first offering you want Radhi to use? And I want you to give them to me now. You can share them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
How did you, what was the work you had to do in order to go from someone who was anxious, doubtful, to become someone who manifested this beautiful, incredible, full life? Not that it's easy, not that it came immediately, but what was the work in the beginning stages that you had to reorient your mind?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
I think we might start spraying this in the studio every time now someone comes in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah, the scent's beautiful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
I'm as free as the air.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
I love it. I can't wait for you to see her as well. That's beautiful. Thank you so much. We're so excited. Thank you. Thank you for sending so much for my team as well. Yes, let everybody glow up. We appreciate it. Appreciate it so much. Fifth and final question. We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
you know negligence or hurting of another being i think that's a great law it's a great law and then we'd actually have to look at why we'd want to hurt others and where that comes from and then actually heal our own hurt as well that's that's incredible i love that yeah that would be really amazing if we could look to that it's beautiful Alicia Keys, thank you so much. That's the best ever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
I'm always happy when I'm with you. Thank you. I've always enjoyed collaborating. And if only I could sing, you know. We'd be doing a song. We do, I know. But this is our song. Yeah, this is our song. You know? I'm so grateful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
I'm so excited for people to use Keys Soul Care and to have access to it and to transform their heart, their soul, their mind, and their body through this beautiful new offering. And even the intentionality, I was looking at how everything's called an offering. There's no products. It's called rituals, not just routines. I love all of that to it. And I think...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
I do believe that physical, and I'll call them products just for what I'm trying to say, but I think physical products are so important to remind us of what to do internally because we use them every day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
No, you're the best. It means the world. Thank you for trusting me. Absolutely. Thank you so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Amazing. If this is the year that you're trying to get creative, you're trying to build more, I need you to listen to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods that lead to success, and the secret to genuinely loving what you do. If you're trying to find your passion and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Just because I like it, that doesn't give it any value. Like as an artist, if you like it, that's all of the value. That's the success comes when you say, I like this enough for other people to see it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
The people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is how is that a plea for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, it's them asking for love in some way. And I think we see it in children the most where when a child's throwing a tantrum, they're simply asking for presence, love, and connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Yeah, wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
My wife's doing London this year for the first time. She's been training. It's cool.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
Absolutely. What was your affirmation this morning?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
I love those. They're so practical. I think all of us can do all of them. Right? They're great. Yeah. And the time one's funny because it reminds me of my mom. My mom had to do the same for me and my sister. It's not easy. Because I went to an all-boys school. She went to an all-girls school. And so my mom would have to drop her and then drop me or the other way around sometimes. Oh.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
But I love how simple that is. I think a lot of people also think affirmations always have to be this
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
profound like incredible statement and you're like it's just to be on time and it's to forgive myself and that's so real because we need to forgive ourselves every day yeah it's okay it's okay it's really okay so you know because you want the best you want the best for yourself you want the best for your family you you want the best outcome you know
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Alicia Keys: 5 Ways to Overcome Self Doubt & Build Confidence Within
What was the last thing you beat yourself up about really badly where you were like, I really made myself feel uncomfortable?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
When you have nothing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
That's a big one, by the way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I just want to point that out for people. That's so huge.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
What are the other ones you hear? Focusing on that beliefs period, what are you hearing from people about their beliefs? That's my belief, and that's very much my history and story, as you said. What other stuff do you hear from people?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I love that because I didn't even know that then, but I was doing it unconsciously. Yes, you were. So I really wanted to... interviewing incredible people, but I didn't have a platform at the time when I met you. And so I'd partnered up with NASDAQ. And by the way, just to be really clear with everyone, I didn't get paid to do this. So NASDAQ had something where everyone was using Facebook Live.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And I said, hey, could I have an hour in the NASDAQ building Whenever I have an amazing guest that says yes, so that I can interview them on NASDAQ Live and they would put the picture up on the middle of Times Square. On a billboard. So now I could reach out to people I looked up to. That's the reason why I went on the show.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I'm being generous and I'm trying to find a way because I don't have anything to offer. Nothing. But I admire you. And it was all people I admired. It was yourself. It was Ryan Holiday said yes. Me and Ryan had met maybe once before that, but Ryan came on that show. And there were a bunch of other authors. Deepak Chopra came on that show with me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And it was all people that I admired, looked up to for a long time. And exactly that. First of all, we became great friends off of it. But the point is, it's exactly what you're saying, that even though I felt I had nothing to offer, I had to find a way to create something to offer someone a value. I didn't get paid for it, for that show. I didn't get paid to run it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I didn't make any money from it. but it created an opportunity for me to connect with friends, to connect with people that were doing incredible things. And of course, allowed me to showcase my talents so that then I could show it to other people. I remember I had Ryan Harwood on the show who founded PureWow and he just sold it to Gary Vee. And that's how I met Gary.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
So Ryan came on my show and he was just like, Jay, I love you. You're a great interviewer. Like you have such great energy. He really liked my passion. And he said, you got to come meet Gary. And I was like, no way. Like I love Gary. And so he took me to meet Gary for the first time. We had a meeting in his office and that's how I built my relationship with him. It was all thanks to Ryan.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so when you think about it now, like when I'm, I've never thought about it until what you're saying. Yes. Now when I look back, Ryan's been on the podcast like four times now, whatever. I love his books. So many relationships came out of that. And so I think when you live in a world of I have nothing to offer and I don't have anything, it becomes really hard to create.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
That's real.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
The world in which we're living today doesn't seem to distribute wealth in a way that allows people to access it. Some people have been set up really badly. They had poor access to education. They didn't really know what jobs were available. People are working really, really hard and not taking that much home. People are coming at it from a place of pain, of desperation, of stress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
You've reminded me of two really amazing things that I love that I want to throw out because they're not us. It's about other people. Tell me. Last night I was at a premiere of a new show coming out on Hulu called Deli Boys. It's a full South Asian cast. I was really excited to be just at the premiere and just seeing my friends, like, you know, do this amazing thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And it was fascinating because me and Lilly Singh were together. You know Lilly. Mm-hmm. And so me and Lily were together and we're hanging out. And this guy said, hey, can I film you for two seconds? He was working at the event. And I believe this is what he does on his own. I don't know his name, but I'll have to find it. And he took a quick swipe of Lily, like one shot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And she was like, oh my God, Jay, you got to do this. He took a quick swipe with me. He edited it on the spot and he created this amazing reel of the event. Like, and he was just doing it with quick, and he was taking like two seconds of our time. And me and Lily both turned around and go, Is this what you do? Like, how can we work with you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And like, you know, because it was such a great skill and he was showcasing his talent.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
He didn't charge us. He didn't ask for anything. He showed us his talent. And all of a sudden, both of us were like this. A few months ago, I went to a restaurant that I'd never been to with some friends. This wasn't like a fancy restaurant. Just, you know, it was a great restaurant, but it wasn't like fancy or anything like that. The lady who was...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
So everyone already knows that money is stressful. And your first point here is make money easy. Yes. And so I want to ask you, when someone's coming at money, our relationship with money is already at a place. It's kind of like finding love. We're desperate for it. We're stressed by it. We're paralyzed by it. We feel the pressure for it. What do you do when you're feeling all of that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
hosting, she had so much energy and so much passion. She was like taking our order. But then when we asked her for recommendation, she knew every detail. And like, she got three job offers at that table. Me and my friend and everyone like, what do you do? What do you want to do? Let's hire you. Yeah, let's hire you because we just, there was such an energy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so what you're saying is so true because I'm now looking back at my own life and And thinking about moments where I've had that visceral reaction to someone. And she was like, this is what I want to do. This is my dream. And one of my mates was like, all right, well, let's connect. Like, you know, he thinks she could work with him. But it was, again, the same thing you're saying.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
It was just energy and passion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Oh, interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
People who don't know this story or have forgotten about it, like DRock and Gary Vee, like that's their journey, right? Like DRock basically went up to Gary and was like, hey, I'll just edit videos for you for free. And now he's been traveling the world with Gary for the last, God knows how long they've been working together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And he's such a great guy and he's awesome. And it's just, but it all came from that, that idea of, hey, I'm just going to edit these videos for you and do this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
What's the first thing you need to do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism give you a natural kick of caffeine combat stress pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function even better juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can we believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. I remember the day after I realized I was four months away from being broke. I must have emailed a thousand people saying, I will do anything. Here are my skills. I will edit videos. I will consult.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I'll run your social media. Those weren't things I wanted to do in my life. but I needed to create a foundation from which I could then invest that into what I wanted to do. And actually that year, everything I made, I invested into starting this podcast. So everything I made this year went into launching On Purpose because that's not what I wanted to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I didn't want to edit other people's videos. I didn't want to launch social media profiles. I didn't want to coach and consult, but I had those skills. And I think this is one of the things sometimes is that we all have skills that are valuable somewhere. And they may not be the skills that you want to do for the rest of your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
But the season of life. And I think there's something to be said for that because we all want to be paid for what we love doing. But even my life today, there's a lot of things I have to do. And there's a lot of things I love to do. And that's life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah. What do you have to say to people who are saying that you can manifest money?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, I love that penny story because I'll tell you a bit about what I do, and I do a similar thing, and it comes from my tradition. Do you have a money mantra? No, we don't say something, but I'll tell you about it. So in our tradition, there's a god or a goddess for each aspect of society. Money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so there is God, as in there's one God, but then there's loads of different gods for different departments of society. Kind of like you have a president or a prime minister and then you have like the cabinet and that- Who's the money god? So it's a goddess called Lakshmi.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, and Lakshmi means wealth or fortune. It's like luxury almost.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Maybe that's where it comes from, who knows? But Lakshmi is the goddess of fortune or the goddess of wealth. And so you would never, ever put your foot on a goddess. So whenever you're walking the streets and you see pennies around, you're never meant to just walk past them. You're actually meant to pick them up and put them to your head. So that's kind of like part of our culture.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so whenever I'm walking around the streets of New York or LA, wherever I am, or Subways, I do the same thing. I'll always pick it up. And it's really funny because someone who's with me will be like, what are you doing? Like, you know, like, why are you doing that? I'm like, because I'm showing respect. I'm actually showing respect to the goddess of fortune. So good, man.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so that's what it is. It's like I'm showing respect to the goddess of fortune by picking it up. And usually you give that money to charity or whatever it may be. It's not you trying to keep on it. You may give it away, whatever. But the point is you're saying, I'm not disrespecting the goddess of fortune wherever I see her. That's beautiful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Because I want to have a respectful relationship with money. I actually really love practices like that because I think it goes back to the point you're making that we have a relationship. with everything. You have a relationship with your body, you have a relationship with your mind, you have a relationship with your partner, and you have a relationship with money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so speaking to money and speaking about money is something you have to do if you want to love that thing and you want it to love you back, right? If you never talk about your partner and you never talk to your partner, how are they going to love you and how are you going to love them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
So in our culture, because it would be Lakshmi walking in, I'll show you a visual of her afterwards. you would actually bow down. Like, you'd have that. And that's a sign of respect, not a sign of surrender or subjugation, but a sign of respect. Like, you'd bow. You'd offer her whatever she wanted. Like, you'd be like, what do you need? Like, what would you like? Would you like a place to sit?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Kind of like a guest in your home.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
You treat them like a guest in your home. Yeah, like, what would you like? Can I get you something to drink? You know, whatever it may be. Obviously, she's a goddess. She doesn't need anything. But the point is, that's how the hospitality would... still be carried through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And then you'd thank her as well. Like you'd start every connection with a god or a goddess with gratitude. So that'd be like a genuine appreciation and an ability to share how you feel. Like I think being vulnerable and saying, hey, like, It's been really tough this month. I'm really struggling right now. This is what I'm going through. I need your help, like a prayer almost of sorts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, definitely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, I think it makes a huge difference. Huge difference.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
was a beautiful thing that we'd always repeat in the monastery it was like god doesn't see what you give god sees what you hold back and so there's not this you know because we can sometimes become egotistical about how much we give and it's like well you've got one hand behind your back and that's you just made that point it's that it's that pinch it's that are you giving where there's a challenge to give yeah because that's where we're healing
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
You can get really egotistical. Like, hey, if you were worth a billion and you signed a million dollar check, like I know people that are making three million in interest a day. Like, so you writing a million dollar check is not the same. This also applies when you have very little. So my parents who didn't make a lot, When they were giving... It felt like a lot. It felt like a lot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so, like, what we're saying is that this thought of being a giver has to be core to us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I mean, there's so many people right now that have the pressure to save money because we've been talking about making money. Yes. But there's this pressure to save money. And how do you find that balance between spending comfortably?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
If you have the ability versus saving for your future or your family, how do you think about that version?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah. What about this idea of... I want to make money quick. Like I just want to make a million dollars in a week. I want to find that hack that solves my money problems. Like what's your take on that? Is that possible?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
No, no, I haven't for sure. And I probably made mistakes when I had a bad relationship with money. I remember my, one of my mentors in like 2013 told me to invest in crypto. And at the time I thought to myself, I've only got like, I only like at that time in my life, I probably had a $1,000 saved because I'd just come out. I'd just started working. I didn't have the money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
So I was thinking, $1,000, what's it going to do? Obviously, I was stupid.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
No, I've never made easy money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah. And that's something that definitely doesn't change with age. that financial change.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And that's what we're all really looking for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
When you're looking for a quick fix and a quick win... The problem is the speed at which you win is the speed at which you lose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Right? So if you think I'll put money into this now, I'll make something in a week, chances are, like you said, you lose it immediately. You lose it in a day. You lose it in a day. And the reason that happens is because you actually don't know why you're putting your money there. So it goes back to your first point of awareness. It goes back to something you call the mapping habit, the plan.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Because what's going on is you're saying, I want this to happen now. I want this to happen immediately. I want this to happen quickly. So I know zero about this crypto. I know zero about this property. I've had friends... literally gamble away their life savings because they heard all their friends were making money through crypto.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
When people say to me, I've got this much money, what should I invest in? I'm like, what do you know about? Invest in that. What do you actually know about? Like, what do you actually have experience, knowledge, wisdom in? Because guess what? Because of that, you'll make money on it because you actually understand it. Again, it goes back to the point of respect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
If we don't respect our audience, it doesn't grow. If you don't respect your community, it doesn't grow. If you don't respect your clients, it doesn't grow. By us saying, I want to make money, but I know nothing about this industry, it means I'm disrespecting the industry.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And sure, there may be one person who had some lucky story that they tell you about, but the truth is most of us are not going to get there. So if you have a little bit of money and you're like, Jay, I've only got $100 to invest. Lewis, I've only got $1,000 to invest. And you ask me where to put it, Put it in what you know. Put it in yourself if that's all you know is yourself and your skills.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And I think so many of us are looking for that ticket. But actually, that investment in yourself will pay so many dividends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I mean, Lewis, I'm so excited for people to read this book. Honestly, I love this conversation because we're both sitting here as people who, like you said, not finished our money journey either. I've got so many years left to learn so much more. The reason why I empathize with it is I never, ever thought I'd be financially abundant, mentally or physically. Me either.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And I know you feel the same way. Dude, I was- I thought I would never figure out how to make money. Same. I really empathize with everyone who's listening going, I'm stuck. I'm trying to figure this out. But I really do believe it starts with this because this is the work you'll have to do, whether you make money tomorrow or in 10 years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And no matter how much you make, you're still going to have to do this work in this book. Because even if you find a way to make money and you become really, really financially successful, you're you will never feel free in that financial success without doing this work. And you'll still feel anxious and you'll still feel stressed and you'll still feel all of that, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I think for me, it was watching my parents. So for all the other things I said about Just Enough and everything, my parents always gave in charity. Our home was always a home where everyone was welcome. My mom would happily cook dinner for everyone, even though we didn't have everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so my parents had this generous heart at the same time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
For sure. And they did it when we didn't have a lot. Now when I realize how much my parents made and how much they gave in charity, the proportions were pretty off. And I think for me, I just felt so fortunate and I feel so lucky and I feel so grateful that I have been able to find abundance in my life that I feel like the only natural reaction to that has to be to give.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
When I came back to LA with the fires and everything, I was just grateful to come back to a home, but not everyone I know came back to a home. And so I felt grateful that I had a home. And so I was like, okay, what can we do? And so I think it comes from a place of gratitude again. It comes from a place of seeing my parents be so generous, even though they had nothing to give actually.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And it ultimately comes to me because I just feel like There's no better use for it in the long run than that. And I do believe it will come back in its own way. I don't give it because I want it back. I give it because I believe there's a need, but I do deeply believe that it will come back in its own way. And it always has.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
The book's called Make Money Easy, Create Financial Freedom and Live a Richer Life, Lewis Howes. Lewis, I'm so grateful genuinely for this conversation. It's left me feeling so rich. I've always felt rich in our friendship. And I'm really glad that you wrote about it in this way because I think there's lots of great money experts out there who are giving really good sound financial advice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, that's not what this is. And I think we need all of it. But I think this is a deep part because I know for me personally, This has been really deep work and you put it into a book. And so I'm so grateful that people get to access it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Thank you for doing this. Everyone who's been listening or watching, read the book, learn the habits, tag me and Lewis on Instagram, on TikTok. Let me know what's resonating with you, what's connected with you. I want to hear your stories. I want to hear what skill you invested in. I want you to turn up at your job, even if you hate it,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I want you to turn up to it with all the love that you possibly have. See whose mind you blow, who gets impressed by what you're doing. Someone's going to be able to shift your life at some point and it's going to start with you, but just don't underestimate the value of these things that sound simple and they sound like I've got to figure out something more complex. No, no, no.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
This is where it starts. And this will mean that at the end of it, you'll be happy. So thank you to Lewis. Thank you to each and every one of you. And yeah, make money easy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I love you. If you love this episode, you'll love my conversation with Dr. Joe Dispenza on why stress and overthinking negatively impacts your brain and heart and how to change your habits that are on autopilot. Listen to it right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, let's talk about all three because as I'm listening to you, I'm thinking that for most of us, when we get aware, we actually realize we don't even want to look at our finances. That's how we all feel because we're so scared. And there's been such a fear built around money that it's like, I don't even want to know because I'm so scared.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Now, when I get my paycheck, I'm thinking, oh God, I hope this covers my rent, my groceries, my bills, whatever else I've got to cover. And then that becomes your stress point. And then you're thinking, oh gosh, I haven't got enough to spend on this thing that I really wanted to do, or I wanted to do something for my kids or whatever it may be. So now there's stress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And so I think for most people, when you actually get awareness, you start realizing it's stress. And it's never enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, I think what I'm thinking about when I'm hearing you is, if me and you went back to a place in our life where we really didn't have money, and you think about someone who's in that position who's listening to us right now, and in their head they're thinking, but how do I... become abundant when I don't have. Well, like my natural thing is like, I'm just struggling to pay my next bill.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And me and you have both been in those situations. I remember when I was growing up, I grew up in a house where we had just enough. Like that was the language my parents used. We have just enough. And my parents would often argue about money. I remember I wasn't allowed to buy cool shoes and stuff.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
I'd have like the knockoff cheapest brand from whatever, which was, I actually didn't have an issue with that. I didn't have an issue with any of it because we had food and that was my normality. But it's really interesting because the amount of times growing up, I started working when I was 14.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And I think that gave me a really interesting sense of how hard it was to make money because I started working at 14. I used to get paid two pounds per street that I delivered newspapers on. So imagine there's a hundred houses. It's going to take me like- Not per house. No, no, no.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Per street. So I did five streets. And so I'd get 10 pounds at the end of the week if I did five streets. And each street would take me at least an hour. Maybe, I don't know, something like that. And so I'd walk around, I'd pull this thing and I'd deliver it. And I got an understanding of how hard it was to make money. But then that became a story for me going to your point. Making money is hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Making money is hard. And that there's only a certain amount of money you're allowed to make at this level. Like you're a 14 year old. Then I worked in retail. I stacked shelves at a grocery store. I worked at a store called Morrison's, which is like working at Walmart. And there I remember I got paid like five pounds an hour.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And then you get like time and a half if you work the weekends and the evenings. All of this to say that I probably spent my whole life only seeing zero in my bank account because everything that would come in would pay for my phone bill, my car insurance that I paid for, whatever it was that I was taking care of so I wasn't relying on my parents, apart from I lived in their home, obviously.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
But I always felt like money came in, money went out. And my story around money was people who have money are doing something bad. So I lived in a home, whenever we went to a friend's home and they had a nice home, my family would always say, oh yeah, but they do dodgy stuff to make money. All the language around money was people with money are doing bad stuff.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
So in my head, it was like, oh, if you have money, then you must be doing shady stuff because we don't have money and we're not doing any shady stuff.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Correct, in some way, exploiting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, taking advantage, whatever. So everything you're saying is so true because then when I got to a point in my life where I was just trying to do good, And I had something like 150, 200 million views on content. And you had no money. I was four months away from being broke.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
And I met you around this time. I met you this time, yes. And it was really interesting to me because that was the time that I was actually doing this work, which is why this book is so powerful. Because I realized that I couldn't... Even with 150, 200 million views, it wasn't that that made money because my story and my personality style was anxious. I felt like it was wrong to make money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Like that's actually what it was. I felt like making money was bad. And so until I got to that... Did you believe you were worthy of making more money? I believed I was worthy, but I believed that you had to be bad to make money. Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Because good people are poor. Wow. Right? Like to be a good person of good character means to not have money. Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Over time that I didn't even know. Like if you would have told me about this eight years ago, I'd have been like, I don't know, which is why I think these reflections are so important people. So when you're in that place, taking your story as well, taking my story, How do we start to rewrite that story now that we're aware?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Lewis Howes: The Scarcity Belief That’s Blocking You from Making Money & How to Feel Rich Even When You’re Broke
Yeah, you had a book coming out that day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
We'll dive into experiences designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Yeah. And that's, it's a tough situation to be in because you just don't have any idea where things are going to go. Right? You don't know. Like I always say that when my wife met me, I was in debt and had no job. And she was, you know, wonderful enough to like be in love with me in that place in my life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And we didn't know that things were ever going to change, but she was kind of like, as long as we're stable and you find a job and we're good, then things will be great. And I remember that giving me a lot of confidence. Like, even though I was in such a like place of like, I remember I was getting rejected from companies. I wasn't getting any jobs because I just left the monastery.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Like I wasn't, it was really tough getting back into work. But her being there kind of gave me confidence in myself and kind of made me go, oh, wow, well, if a woman like that can, you know, believe enough to be with a man like me, then I've got to work for it now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And I think the key is, are you willing to do that in a way that gives someone confidence or are you someone who gets so affected by it? No matter what gender you are, well, you're now making the other person feel bad for it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Whatever gender you are, if you're always like, oh, come on, you're just lazy. Oh, come on, you need to do more. If you feel that way about your partner, chances are that that's going to push them away, not motivate them to do better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Stephon speaks. Right now in dating... Men have a bad reputation. Is it fair?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. I feel like right now in dating, men have a bad reputation. Men get a lot of blame.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Talk to me about how do those negative stories actually affect us? Because I think we don't think about that sometimes in terms of if every time you're talking to someone, it's like, oh yeah, this just happened. Oh yeah, same thing happened to my friend. Oh yeah, same thing happened to that friend. And like you said, we don't have the full data. It's not always happened to us. And then it spreads.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
But what does that psychologically and even emotionally do to our own mind and brain and heart?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Yeah, that's a really interesting way to look at it because there was a Facebook group, and I forget what it's called now, but it's basically for, I think it's called Are We Dating the Same Man? And it's been built because there are so many women who are experiencing men dating them at the same time, even though he's saying he's exclusive with one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So I had this happen to someone that I know recently, and she was seeing this guy for like six months, And then they were, or three months, sorry, they were seeing each other for three months. They were getting a bit closer. It was long distance. He'd come out to see her and she was about to go and see him. So she messaged him and said, hey, I'm coming out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I just want to make sure that we're taking it in the right direction because she's buying a flight. She's coming over. She's investing in the relationship. And this guy who messaged her every day just ghosted her.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So she went on to this Facebook group and she wrote about it a few days later when she was like, wait a minute, this guy's not getting back to me. I've lost the flight ticket, not in a great place. And then this other woman messaged back and was like, hey, let's connect offline. So then she shared her story. This guy supposedly is married.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
He's then been dating this other girl who just found out that he's married, saying he was going to get divorced. And now he was dating the person that I know. Lord have mercy. And so I think when you hear a story like that, it's no surprise that that spreads because that's a fascinating, juicy story. And it's heartbreaking for the people that are actually invested and involved in it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And I think that empathy, even when I heard that story, I was so heartbroken. But we have to remember that isn't the majority. It does exist. And it's really sad. And if it's happened to you, I'm so sorry. Like, I feel like... That could be the worst thing to go through, but it isn't the majority. And we have to be careful about how we amplify the minority experience.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
For sure. When people are dating, what are some of the things to look out for when you're thinking about long-term success? Because I think the challenge people are having now is like someone will love a bum them for three months. Everything's moving amazing. It's getting really intense. Like, Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world where you come to listen, learn and grow. Thank you to all of you who made us one of the top global shows on Spotify Wrapped. If you've been listening on there, I am so deeply grateful to you. It was amazing to see that connection with all of you. And today we have back
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
the biggest episode, the biggest guest of the last 12 months on YouTube, someone you love, someone you love to learn from, who has so much great insight, so much great wisdom, so many great tools. And what we both loved is that it was a deep, meaningful conversation that you all connected with. Please welcome back to On Purpose, Stefan Speaks. Stefan, it is great to have you here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Honestly, like we were just talking about it. I was so happy to see that a non-clickbait conversation, a non kind of engineered conversation. It was actually the first time we met.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Thank you. . . . . . .. a, P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P,實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a in in , , , , , ,, in P P P P P P P P P實, ac , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P . . . . .
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
.. a, P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P,實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a ac...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And we just got into it and the audience and community responded. It was beautiful to see. So thank you for doing this again, man.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
All right, I want to dive straight in like we did last time. I want to dive straight in. What are the biggest issues that men and women are facing when trying to meet the right people and they keep feeling like they meet the wrong person?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Yeah, but I find that's the thing going back to your third point. I find that's the thing that's so hard today because that requires healing. to be able to hear someone out, to be able to listen to someone's concerns and challenges and how they feel and to actually validate it without invalidating yourself, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I think that's why we struggle so much because if someone's saying something, like if you were saying to me like, hey Jay, like, you know, I don't like the way that your friends speak to me when they're around. If I hear that, I start defending my friends because I'm like, what are you talking about? My friends are amazing. They're the best. They're the greatest.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Now I've invalidated you to validate myself because we think validation means I invalidate you, I validate myself. Or if I validate you, then I'm invalidating myself. Maturity is, oh, I could validate you and also stand true to who I am. That's a healed individual. And so I can agree with you and I can also share my perspective.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
But I find that if we're looking for that off the bat, don't you feel like that portion of people is really small?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Yeah, yeah, for sure. Because it's... That's what that unhealed, immature version of us does. It just wants us to... stay in the zone of I'm right, you're wrong, it's my way, you're always not working out, and we got to do it this way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And I think the other thing that's really blocking a lot of people, and I ask you this not because I'm trying to give a question that I think a lot of people ask, but actually, no, it is. I think this is an important question because I think a lot of people have a type going back to your desirables that they're looking for. Is that helping or hurting them when they're dating?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
For sure. And that's such a great example because it's a simple one, but it actually applies to all the deeper things too. Anything you're infatuated by in another person and you pretend to be that, whether it's you're interested in a specific sport, you're interested in hanging around those places, you're interested in their business, like you said, you're tricking yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And so many people are doing that. And A lot of these are tricks and you even called out some of them. I think there's so much bad advice right now. There's so many of these kind of myths that are just floating about. And one of the big ones is, I want to get your take on this. Should the person you're dating or seeing feel jealous when you get attention? Is that a sign of love?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
It's normal. Yeah, I feel like the discomfort is natural. When it gets to jealousy and you're kind of ruining the relationship you have and now checking up and policing, as you said, that starts to become unhealthy. And then ultimately, if it's leading to an internal insecurity between you and yourself, I mean, it can spiral out of control. And I think sometimes...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
we almost want the other person to feel jealous. That's what I was trying to get at. It's like this feeling of like, oh, they don't get jealous when I get attention. It's like, well, it goes back to what you were saying. We're just trying to play games. Like if it's coming from that place, of course, am I uncomfortable when it happens? Of course I am.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
If you love someone, you like someone, of course. But I don't want to make my partner have to feel jealous when I'm feeling that way. Like that to try and keep them entertained and try and keep them interested.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
One thing I love about your advice is that you're constantly encouraging people to have deeper communication. You keep saying, hey, but you got to understand why you feel that way and where that comes from and how that person processes it. And you, in all of your work, your amazing books, your YouTube channel, you always talk about communication.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
How do you communicate with someone who doesn't like to communicate? Because there are so many people I know that if their partner asks them this kind of question, their partner will be like, I don't really think about that stuff, or I don't really know, or just go quiet. I've heard this from so many people. I'm sure you see it all the time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
How do you communicate with someone who doesn't want to communicate?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
That's a great answer. And also when you're forced to write, you don't say that much stuff that you don't mean. Yeah. When you have to write something down consciously, chances are you're going to word it. Exactly. You're not in the heat of the moment. Yeah, because you're trying to explain it and you don't just write it down in the same way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And as I was hearing you speak, I was just thinking there's something I really want women to know that you might be the first person
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
in that man's life that's actually asked him what's going on that's true and so you may have to invite him to that conversation more than one time you may have to make space for his emotions and feelings more than one time and if every time you ask him it's more of a demand he and a stress and a force and a push, then actually it's just going to make him quieter and quieter and quieter.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
But if every time it's an understanding and it's space and it's open, then there may be a chance. Because I feel like for most men, they were never asked about their emotions or feelings. There wasn't a space that they naturally just opened up. And hey, if someone's not opened up for 25, 30, 35 years, it's going to be hard for them to just come out with it because you asked a great question.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Exactly. And so it's not that you're wrong or it reflects badly on your relationship. I just think a lot of men just haven't been given the opportunity to be there. Absolutely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Yeah, for sure. I'm really glad we went there because I think that's blocking so many people in that space. I feel like one of the big things that we talked about last time and I wanted to talk about a bit differently this time is breakups because I feel like
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
there's still this feeling that people have, and they can't not, where if someone breaks up with you, it breaks your world, you take it completely personally, and it makes you lose faith in love. So someone not only broke up with you, they broke your faith in love, and now you don't believe love exists.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
What are the natural feelings and emotions we all have to go through in a breakup that you can't avoid?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
, , , , ,, P P P P P P P P P實實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P GG generà generà generà generà generà generà gà generà generà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà g ,G ac ,G ac , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Well said. As Stefan speaks. Thank you always, Stefan. I appreciate these conversations with you. You always have like this ability to just... pull things apart to really look at them for what they are. I really appreciate you, man. The way you think about things is so refreshing and all encompassing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And I hope everyone who's been listening or watching, I hope you have better fortune from a deeper place because of the advice that Stefan said today. And please make sure you subscribe to Stefan's YouTube channel. Check out his books. If you're someone who loves reading and listening, audiobooks too. Yeah. Absolutely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And Stefan, is there anywhere else you'd like people to find you right now or anything you got going on?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Absolutely. We're excited to have you back. Thank you, man. You always have an open invite. A pleasure. Thank you, my friend. Thank you. Thank you. If you love this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your ex and find true love in your relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Absolutely, yeah. And a third one, there doesn't have to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Oh, man, you said so many interesting things that I need to dissect now. So the first thing that came to my mind, especially about the accepting yourself, which I really like that idea of rather than trying to just learn about yourself or rather than trying to transform yourself, there's an acceptance of like, who am I? Why am I this way? What does that mean?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And I feel like in relationships, people are looking for someone who perfectly compliments them or perfectly fits them, as opposed to this idea that, oh, that person accepts me for who I am and allows me to be who I am. So I always say this, I'm similar to you. I'm highly ambitious, really driven, love what I get to do. I would be the same as you if I took a month off.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I relate to all of those things. And my wife is so much more like a family person, like quality time, wants to be ambitious, but she also wants to be present and all the rest of it, right? And we are not a perfect fit in that sense. But the reason it works for us is because she allows me to be me and I allow her to be her. I've accepted who I am and I know what that means.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And she accepts me and I accept her back. So if I say to her, hey, you know what? I don't think I'm going to come to that family event because I've got this work thing that I really want to get to. She accepts that. She's okay with that. And if she said to me, I don't really want to come out to you with that business thing that you've got today. I really want to just spend time with my family.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I'd be like, cool, I get it. And I feel like we're just looking for someone who kind of wants to do the thing we want to do with us all the time. But then you start realizing it becomes about one person. But talking about ambition, I wanted to ask you, Do you think that men today are struggling with being attracted to ambitious, driven, successful women?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Let's do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Hey, everyone. It's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my on-purpose podcast live and in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
when someone like you becomes as successful as you've become and is dropping successful hits here and there, you almost forget the journey that they've been on and the graph that they've been on. And I was really fascinated by that because it hasn't just been like a smooth, easy, linear journey. I think people think of success as like,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
you tried something out, it worked, and now you're this, you know, this big phenomenon. And yours had lots of twists and turns. When, like, what was your life like before Black and Yellow compared to what it is now? What was it like before that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
I mean, did you feel like a big break was coming or did it feel like, God, we don't know how this is going to go?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
What's it like to get a record deal and then lose a record deal?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Where did that confidence come from? I love how self-assured you were that what you were doing in the community you were building was resonating with what you were doing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Where does that come from? Because I think, like you said, so many people today who might be listening and maybe they just got kicked out of a job. Maybe they got rejected from their record deal. I remember when I was first coming up with the idea for this podcast six years ago, I had a production company and a partner that was going to launch the show with me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
I went away for the holidays, Christmas holidays, came back, and then I was told that it wasn't on anymore. So I remember that feeling and having to launch the show on my own. If someone's going through that right now, how did you maintain that composure and that confidence? Like, no, we're doing something here. We may not know when that break's coming, but we're going to keep moving.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. If you could give your younger self any advice before Black and Yellow came out, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Is there anything you would have liked to have known for how to deal with it afterwards?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. Where does that come from? Because that's such a peaceful thing. And like I said, from the moment you walked in, there's such a peace and ease about you. In an industry where people can get jaded, people can get ruffled, they get flustered. Yeah. How have you kept that peace and composure for yourself? Where's that coming from?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
What's it like to get a record deal and then lose a record deal?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
How unsafe was it where you were in Pittsburgh?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, there's a beautiful quote that says, when you're grateful for what you have, you'll receive more to be grateful for. And I think it's true that gratitude expands, but it's beautiful hearing you say that. Did you learn that from anyone? Did anyone teach you, mentor you, guide you? Or is this an internal thing that's kind of evolved over time?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I wanted to invite you to a brand new interactive, no charge workshop, Renew You, that I'm eager to share with you. Over the years, I've worked with thousands of people across the globe and I've noticed a common theme. Many of us are feeling stuck, overwhelmed or disconnected. We're going through the motions of life, but not really living. Does that sound familiar?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
You feeling burnt out, uninspired, or like life is just passing by without meaning? Maybe you're struggling to make the impact you know you're capable of, or perhaps you're craving deeper connections with others. If any of this resonates, then I want you to know that change is possible, and it starts with the choices you make today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Wow. When was your sibling who passed away?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
In this workshop, I'm going to share five simple yet powerful steps that can help you reignite your passion, purpose, and joy. These are the same principles that have helped me and countless others reshape our lives from the inside out, and I know they can do the same for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
You'll walk away with actionable strategies to revamp your daily routine, find your true purpose, and create meaningful connections. And the best part, this workshop is completely free. These changes don't require massive overhauls. It's about making small intentional shifts that can lead to big results. This workshop is more than just learning. It's about doing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
I'll be guiding you through reflections and exercises that will help you start creating the life you've always dreamed of right here, right now. Go to www.renewyouworkshop.com to access this at no charge and start building a life that's not just lived, but truly loved. See you there. What's been the hardest conversation you've ever had to have with someone?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
How was that experience for you? Losing someone so close to you that you love?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
That's so true, man. I feel like that sometimes, like you can see it in your head. Yeah. But then you're like, you can't press play on the projector and then it comes out. And so when you're explaining it, everyone's like looking at you like you're crazy. Yeah, exactly. And you are right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Sometimes I do feel we live in a time in an industry where people have heard so many ideas that until you see something, you don't even understand it. Right. And I feel like when you look at music or you look at movies or film or TV or whatever it is, when you watch something, you're like, oh, that was amazing. But like someone, when they talked about it, no one wanted to buy it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Did you find that record labels and people that you've worked with the music always understood you immediately or no, you kind of had to go prove and show?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
What's a misconception you think people have about you? Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health and wellness podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. Today's guest is the one and only Wiz Khalifa, multi-platinum artist and Grammy nominee,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Was that the way you built this audience that understood you? Was it performing live? Do you feel like that was the significant part for you in creating this amazing connection you have with your audience?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. Do you remember any of those trips, certain places you went to where something crazy happened that you caught on camera?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Anyone that stands out to you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
How did you guys all meet each other back then? Like, how did you connect? Yeah, we were... Because I guess there was no Instagram DM. Maybe there was, maybe there was.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
who rose to fame with his 2011 debut album Rolling Papers, featuring the hit Black and Yellow, Wiz won Best New Artist at the 2011 BET Awards and Top New Artist at the 2012 Billboard Music Awards. His song See You Again from the Furious 7 topped charts in 95 countries and earned a Golden Globe nomination for Best Original Song.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. What's it like watching Kendrick then and Kendrick now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
And how's J. Cole evolved as well?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
That's powerful. Where does it feel like you were saying there, like in some ways things have changed, like what's changed for up and coming artists today? Like what are they doing right? What are they doing wrong? How would you advise someone if you were starting out from scratch today again, how would you approach your career differently or in the same way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
There's a lot of people today who get told, you've only got 12 months, you had your hit. You've got 12 months to make as much money off of you as possible. Like a lot of people hear that like, hey, look, your career is not going to be that long. Let's make the most we can. What would you say to someone who feels that fear themselves or gets told that like, hey, look, you had one hit.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Today we're talking about Wiz's newest album, Kush Plus Orange Juice 2. Please welcome to the show, Wiz Khalifa. Hey.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Let's just, you know, crush this peak.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, that's good advice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
How far into the future do you look when you're planning music, work, life?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Wow. Yeah. How different is where you are today from where you looked at where you'd be five to 10 years ago?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
What's up, Wiz?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
What have been your best moves in money management or business that you think people could learn from?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
I'm good, I'm good. It's great to have you here. Yeah, good to be here. You walked in with this real chill energy today. I was like, it was very calming.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
I love that, man. Yeah, yeah. What's the first thing you do in the morning?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, did you learn that the hard way because you were overspending or did you learn that because you saw other people before you were overspending?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Every day?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
20 years from now all right well this is how you do it so yeah it's good advice man it makes sense and it's it's hard to do in the moment because you just you want to get that thing or you want to buy that thing and it applies across the board what what's the dumbest thing you ever bought and now you look back go oh god that was dumb man i don't think it was ever like one dumb thing i just used to be dumb how i how i bought stuff like
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
And what was the best investment you've ever made?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. I hope people get inspired by hearing you talk about how sometimes you got to put off those big purchases, wait a year for that car. Because I think when, when we're young, especially... And you come into even a little bit of money, which feels like a lot of money. It's so easy to spend and just get carried away.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
And then I smoked weed. Do you ever remember a day before that was the case?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
And especially now, I feel like with all of us just ordering things off of Amazon and everything else all day, it's like you have no idea how much money you spend. Oh, for sure. It's so easy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
What were those days like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
What does your relationship with God look like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
And what does God say to you in God's deep voice?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
That's awesome. Has that always been there since you were young or has that come with time as well?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
What would you pray for? What else apart from other people?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Wow. That's not regular. That's pretty deep. Yeah. How unsafe was it where you were in Pittsburgh?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. Was there ever a time in your life where you tried to stop smoking? Or has that ever been a goal?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Wow. And then when did you leave Pittsburgh?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Right, right. Because you moved around a lot growing up, right? At least as far as I saw.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
What was your favorite place?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
How old were you when you were in Japan?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
What was that like? I mean, Japan at that time, but now I feel like everyone's like Japan's the place to go.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
So that's, that's, you never learn Japanese.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
What does it do for you that you feel it needs to be your first habit of the day?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
How do you think that experience impacted you now? How has that childhood experience of moving around, darting around every two years defined who you are today?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
when you saw all of that around you how did you have what gave you that feeling to dream and to want something more when you're seeing like the violence around you you're saying it's a rough neighborhood what what's giving you the ability to go there's there's more to life than this
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, how did you stay away from all of the other things? Because sometimes those can look cool when you're young. They can be attractive when you're young and powerful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. I mean, now you're a father yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
How do you feel looking now from the perspective of being a dad? You've been a father to Sebastian for a while now. Right. And then you just had a daughter, Cadence, I believe. Congratulations. Thank you. And like, what's it been like to be a father to Sebastian? And then how is your views of fatherhood changing now that you've had a daughter? Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. You write your goals down regularly? Is that like a regular habit, a consistent habit?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, how do you think you're gonna shift your strategy as she grows up?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. What's Sebastian into right now? Like 11 year old. What's, what's like his obsession?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Walk us through what that looks like.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Were you ever any good at basketball?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
So you could give him some pointers along the way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. And you never did ballet or anything or anything?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Did that help? Speech and drama classes? Like how did that? I think that helped. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. If Sebastian came up to you and was like, I want to be a rapper too. Yeah. What would you say to him?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
What advice would you have for him to find his voice?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Would you want that or you're kind of open to whatever?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
The team was saying that you plan a lot of your life around him.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Like they were saying that like sports games and things like that. Like you've really taken that idea of an artist should be in control of their own life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Like walk us through that mentality, that mindset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, that's beautiful, man. Because I feel like there's such a, it's wonderful to hear because I feel like we're living at a time where there's such a pressure to constantly be relevant. to constantly like keep up with, you know, what everyone's doing. And now you've got a million platforms to stay relevant on and everyone's doing this and that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
And so it sounds like you've created like a healthy detachment between who you are at your work and who you are at home. And that's, that's quite a beautiful thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Did you feel your dad was super involved in that way as well? You were saying earlier.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. I love that. How long have you had that habit for?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
How does your dad feel about seeing you now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
What's something you learned from your mom?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
That's beautiful. What's a misconception you think people have about you if they have one at all?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. What's something about you that people may not know that you'd like them to understand along those lines?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
What do you find is the craziest part of your life?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. And I think you're right. I don't think it's about how much money you do or don't have. I think anything can become a drug and you can get addicted to it. And I remember, you know, Kevin Hart was sitting in that chair and he was talking about how success became a drug for him. He was just addicted to more and more of it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
And so it's easy for you to get addicted and obsessed and just, and you're actually saying, well, actually, I don't want to get addicted.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
I appreciate that. And I think we need more of that healthy thinking because I think if you only like one or the other, or if you start to detest one or the other, that's when it starts to get scary. Like a lot of people love being in the audience. They don't like being alone. Or a lot of people are like, oh God, I hate being with the fans now. I love being alone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
And I think both of those can lead to a lot of pain internally.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. Sometimes it's easy to be disciplined at work.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
But to actually show up for your family and be disciplined at home requires a whole other thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, it sounds like you have so much order and discipline in your life. Like when I'm hearing that, I'm like, it sounds like everything's very structured and organized and intentional. Yeah. It's not like this random like.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Every day is very regimented.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
I saw your men's health video with the MMA, which has become your fascination and I guess workout routine for a couple of years now, I feel. Where did that start and how did that come about?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Walk us through what that feels like mentally. Like you just described two polar opposites and the majority of people on the planet will never really experience those extremes. They might experience the loneliness in a room, but they won't experience the 30,000 people screaming your name, wearing your merch, whatever it may be, singing along to your music.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Do you go to watch as well or you just like training? Oh yeah, I watch the shows as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
It's funny because my next question was going to be about like, you know, I feel like masculinity is such a big talking point right now. And, you know, a lot of men feeling like they've inherited the mistakes made by men in the past. And so men carrying around a lot of judgment, men feeling left behind in the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
The different things you've talked about today and the way you're organizing your life, like masculinity is a very broad spectrum. It's not just one way. And so have you ever thought about that? Raising a son for yourself, the message you put out? I feel like rap and hip hop had a version of masculinity before. What are your thoughts on that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
What are you feeling in the in-betweens, in the transition of that to that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, that's a really powerful answer, man. I feel like you kind of feel the world going through two extremes where it's like masculinity used to be this bravado, chauvinistic, arrogant, you know, alpha male type. And then it swung to like being vulnerable and soft and this. And now I kind of feel like it's kind of swinging back the other way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
And it's almost like, I like how you described it because it's not really hard or soft. It's kind of like the person who can like,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, and we need to see that modeled more. It's hard because you don't see it that much. So it's hard to know as a man how to do that. But you're right. If you look at the best athletes in the world, they're the ones who kept their calm when things were tough. They weren't the ones spewing anger.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
And it's interesting because MMA, I think people who haven't been trained in martial arts or don't know people who often can think of it as combat sports are angry. But have you learned any practices from MMA that you feel apply really well to what we're talking about right now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
You're going to protect the face.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. I was trying to figure out how you're doing that. Yeah, no, I'm really glad we dove into the masculinity thing because I just feel like it's such a need right now and I want, you know, men and women to both feel like you know, that we're, we're kind of having these conversations that I think sometimes on the, on the biggest screens, you don't see them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, I can relate. You know, I'd heard that before and I can relate in a small, very small way comparatively, but I remember doing my first ever live show in 2019. It was at the Ace Theater or maybe 2018, something like that in the Ace Hotel. And it was like, I don't know, 1500 people, 2000 people, maybe. It was my first ever show.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. And it's interesting, right? It's like you're chilled out, but then you're super productive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
How do you hope that your audience kind of feels both of those as well? Because it's almost like, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, I love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
I love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
How does it feel that See You Again is the second most viewed video on YouTube, music video of all time? I mean, that's insane.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
How does that feel?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, and it's such a great song, too, to be known for, I feel.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
And I remember walking off stage, jumping into the car to get driven back home. And it was just the strangest feeling. Like it's so hard to explain it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I wasn't, you know, it wasn't like I don't do music. So I haven't got even that experience, but I'm feeling connected with my audience. Then you get into the back of a black, you know, a black car. You barely know it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, it's dope, man. It's amazing. What was your motivation to go sober from alcohol?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. Was it hard to break away?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Wiz, at the start of the interview, I asked you, what's the first thing you do when you wake up? Yeah. What's the last thing you do before you go to bed?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
I love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Beautiful. Wiz, I end every episode. You've been amazing. So generous with your time. Great, just great energy. I've really enjoyed spending this time with you, man. Yeah, I appreciate you. I feel like I've learned so much about you today that I didn't know for sure. Thank you. We end every episode with a final five. These have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
okay and so Wiz Khalifa these are your fast five final five uh the first question is what's the best advice you've ever heard or received just be you that's from Snoop Dogg nice uh question number two what's the worst advice you've ever heard or received change your name from Wiz Khalifa two I don't know they just told me that that name wasn't gonna work why didn't why didn't they like the name
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
I didn't know anyone in the car with me. I was alone and I'm driving home. And I just felt, I was like, wow, I don't even know how to describe it. The juxtaposition. And then I went on my world tour last year. We did roughly 40 cities around the world. And that was like, you're in a new place every day. And now you're feeling that same thing every day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Where did it come from?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. How did you come across the word Khalifa?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Right. Yeah. Very cool, man. Thank you, man. It's cool. That's cool. I love this hat too.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
I saw this on your merch yesterday. Yeah, new merch, new merch. I'm a walking billboard, baby. All I wear is me. Yeah, I love it. Question number three, what's something that you used to value that you no longer value?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Question number four. How would you define your current purpose?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
And fifth and final question. We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Wiz Khalifa, Christian Oranges too. Yep. Thank you so much, man. Thank you too. This is so much fun. Thank you, man. I had a good time too. Yeah, I hope you did, man. I like your jeans too, man. Thank you, man. I appreciate you. Yeah, it's cool.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
If this is the year that you're trying to get creative, you're trying to build more, I need you to listen to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods that lead to success, and the secret to genuinely loving what you do. If you're trying to find your passion and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
And so I know it's much smaller compared to what you've done. But to me, just getting that experience. And I remember that night I was lucky. I came home and my wife had planned a surprise party. So all my closest friends were back in my house. Yeah. And that kind of like, it was a relief. But it is a really weird feeling. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, what's helped you continue to love them and deal with that paradox with that ease and comfort? What's really soothed your relationship with those challenging or crazy experiences that you mentioned?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, it's a great experience. That's such a beautiful place to be. Yeah, yeah, for sure. That gratitude to your community for being there for you, for being present with you. Yeah, definitely. What's been your craziest fan experience or fan interaction, a memory that you have with one of the audience members that stays with you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. Have people ever done a lyric as well? Yeah. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Wow. What's your most meaningful tattoo or one that really speaks to you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
When was your sibling who passed away?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. And how old was she then?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
So you had some life together. Oh yeah. Hell yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah. How was that experience for you? Losing someone so close to you that you love?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
For sure. How did you prepare for it? At the time you said you kind of knew it was, you know, health was diminishing over time. How did you prepare at the time? Were there specific rituals or things you did or memories you made together that stayed with you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
she was giving me kind of like blow by blow of everything and just how the situation was going to go and i just did my best to try to make her as comfortable as possible you know for those last couple moments and um yeah yeah that i mean it sounds like you said you're still dealing with it even though it sounds like you made the most of that time yeah and now you're saying you reach out to people and talk about it who would you reach out to when you want to talk about something like that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that you still celebrate her birthday.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
That's a beautiful way to think about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
Yeah, it's such a hard balance I find in terms of,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Wiz Khalifa: How to Build Your Schedule to Make You Happy & Strategize Your Life 5 Years in Advance
mourning or grieving someone's death and then celebrating the life you had with them yeah and it's such a fine line and often you're pulled in either direction but i think it's so important that we do celebrate life and memories we had with someone and celebrate their life as well yeah absolutely i just look i look at it as like if she was still here we'd be partying so let's not stop the party yeah that's beautiful i was i was diving into career whiz and i feel like
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
That's the funny thing, right? Even when you announce that you're going to go quiet and it's like, it's hard. It's, it's, it's hard to figure it out. When, when do you feel, it almost seems like you feel more comfortable now, like being, stepping your toe back in and wanting to show more of yourself, wanting to be that way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
What's making you feel like now's the right time and what's given you the confidence and courage to feel that way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, I mean, it's, first of all, I think it's always an education learning about how a business works. And I think if you're not in the business, you don't really get it. And I think that's true for any career whatsoever, especially careers in the public eye, right? You're like, oh yeah, where did that person go? And it's like, well, the way you launch music is you need time to make music.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And it takes so much time. Yes. And it's very visible because music is the biggest thing in the world. So you see someone for a few months and then you don't see them again when they're working on it. So you're saying that not only were you meditating, you were traveling, you were actually working on new music.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
So when you said, I was protecting my peace, I was taking a break, for the last year you were working on music. That's what we're hearing now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah. And then your music's great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, it's awesome. And I feel like, I mean, even when you called it Love In Real Life, I feel like how much of that was inspired by what you personally had to go through and the challenges or how much was that was just pulling from other parts of your life? Was it disconnected or was it connected?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
What's making you feel like now's the right time and what's given you the confidence and courage to feel that way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I think it's also hard when the things that you stand for are the same things that you're being scrutinized for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, I love that. I love that. One of the things that I think you talked about there, which is so powerful, is you go through something really difficult. On the other side of it, there's this love in real life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
But in between, there's the depression, the darkness, the... The isolation, the worry, the fear. And we all go through that. We all experience at some point in our life where we're almost feeling like we have to hide. We feel like you said, I don't know who to trust, who to love. Will people accept me? How did you go through that? Like, what was that timeline like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Like, what did it look like when you woke up? What did you do that helped? What did you, who supported you? How did it look?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Because that's hard. I...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Oh my gosh. Lizzo, it is so great to have you here. I have been wanting to do this for years. We're such huge fans here. And the last time I saw you, you were performing live at Cannes Lions. You were on stage for the iHeart Festival. I was out there and I'd been told that I had two front row seats reserved so that I could hear you. Yeah. Now what happened is I came into the event.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And it's all I have.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I got into a few conversations. My podcast producer who's in the back right now was meant to take me to this seat. She's such a big fan that she forgot to take me to this seat. So by the time I wanted to make it to this seat, the whole crowd was covered. She was dancing in the front row.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
She claims, she claims you said to her that you were really proud of her dancing skills or shouted something out at her in a really cool way. I'll have to verify what it was, but I didn't get to be front row. So I was sitting at the back enjoying your music from the back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
How lucky am I? Front and center. How lucky am I? But no, honestly, we're such big fans here. And like I said, we've been looking forward to this. And even the first few seconds, we've just been powwowing and going back and forth. It's been awesome.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
All right. Well, I want to ask you, I saw that video on your Instagram. You were standing in a sound bowl. I have not been to that class yet. I have not seen that before. So what am I doing wrong?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And that's hard too because you really care about it, right? I think that's the challenge. It's like you keep doing something because you really care about it. That's why you started in the first place. But then sometimes you're like, well, maybe it'd be smarter for me to not comment on it because it's safer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And before, that wouldn't have been your reaction, right? Before?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I like that. Solutionary.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Solution's not confusion. That is definitely, I like that. And that's a great way for all of us to think about stuff.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
In our own personal life, whether it's public or not. It's like, is me speaking creating more confusion or is it actually getting us more clarity? Is it actually pushing us in the right direction?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Have you felt, you were saying like, obviously when you go through something like this, you've got to become more careful about, you were saying you don't want someone else to become an author of your journey.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
It's like picking the people that are close to you becomes harder and harder and harder. Has that been like a real focus for you in surrounding yourself with the right frequency and vibration? And how do you do that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah. This is, this is so real and I appreciate how like real you're being about it and how direct it is because I do think that it's, A, it's glorified to be like, we should be like a family and everything should be really close. And I think that's like idealized. It's glorified. Like that's what people talk about.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And I think recently a lot of people have been talking about how teams should not actually operate as families. They should operate as teams, like teams, like a sports team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
There's a coach, there's players, the way they operate is like there's camaraderie, there's collaboration, but there's an energy of like, no, we're playing here to win. That's the goal of a team is to win. The goal of a family is not to win. The goal of a family is to just be safe. And wait a minute, but we're at work to win and do stuff. We have results and targets. Families don't have targets.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Families don't have results. Families don't have goals. The goal of a family is just to stay together. And you can see how it plays on our minds. And I've had that too. Like I used to think that team should be family too. And there's a family energy. And I'm like, that's great. But it's like, there's just a different value system to a team and a family.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And I think there's so much to be said for this that you only learn by going through it. You don't know this when you start. Like I think about how much I've had to learn moving into this space for myself, doing this for the last 10 years. It's like, I didn't know. I've never built a team before. And just because I'm good at one thing doesn't mean I know everything about everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And I think there's a lot of pressure on artists, creators, musicians to know about everything when your talent is kind of like here, right? It's like your talent is music and creation, artistry and storytelling.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And that was the first time you tested it out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, because I've never seen one with footprints. Like I've never seen one that you stand in. I've seen ones that you lie down and they play them at your head or sometimes they come and put a crystal on your chest.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah. So it sounds like this was the headspace from which the music was created.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Like all of this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Like I've been in those and I love them. We actually did one with my team. We do a team retreat every year and we did one last year, but we did it outdoors and we had this amazing sound healer come and lead it. And when we woke up, we all could see like shooting stars. Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And so some of those songs made it onto the album. Some of them didn't. Some of them were just... A lot of them didn't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
But you still had to make it to let go of that emotion, that feeling. There was a part of it that allowed you to shed certain things you were carrying.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
no what is going on and then we realized it was neural link it was elon musk's like you know it was just this thing whatever it is i can't remember what it's called but we all woke up thinking like we could see something magical but it is such an amazing experience to have sound heal you and that frequency did it finally work when you were standing in it like yeah my ankles started itching and i was like what's going on i feel like ants were calling on my ankles and i kept scratching at them and i was like oh that's it's waking it's wake it's awakening me
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
You know what I'm saying? I love what you said about how creativity is a stream. And that's why the word stream is actually so beautiful because you're right that we're all pulling from the universe of moments of creativity and mixed with our experience. It's almost like one layer is the stream of creativity in the universe and the other is the experience of real life of what we're going through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And great art is made when those two things are moving in parallel and you're able to like connect the dots between the two. And it seems like that's what you've been trying to stream and channel and put it together. How has your view on love changed through this process? Like when you look at the word love now,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, I love that flesh to flow. That's really good because it's so good. I love what you're saying because I think about this often where we're like, we're all like, be kinder to everyone. And then the next thing you need is someone's comment section, which is like, why does her voice sound like that? What's up with her hair today? Like, what's up with his, you know?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And I'm like, wait a minute, didn't we all just say we needed to be kinder to each other and kinder to ourselves? And we'll be like, oh no, mental health is the most important thing in society right now. You look at a comment section, all of a sudden someone's mental health is being absolutely destroyed for things they can't even control.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Things that you don't even know why their voice sounds like that or why their weight's like that or why their health's like that. Like you just have no context. And it's so fascinating to me that you see this complete quarrel and hypocrisy of constant like just... everything we're saying, we're finding it hard to live. Like it's hard to see in real life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Like what you just said, like we all love reading about gossip about someone else's life, someone else's dating scenario. But then if your friends are gossiping about your life, you're like, can you believe it? They're spreading rumors about me. And it's so interesting, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
And I think about it all the time because as soon as you think you're free of it, if you're like, oh no, I never gossip about anyone or whatever, then you just got to take a beat and take a look at how you spoke about someone yesterday. Yeah. And so we're, like you said, we're all human. We're constantly trying to propagate and preach the right thing to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
But we're all struggling in reality with actually doing it when it's hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, that's real.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I agree. I think that's a beautiful way to put it. It's that projection of our own insecurity and pain and the conversation that's happening in our mind is going outward as well. And I feel like it's harder, like we were talking about earlier, when you mean something to people, because I feel like when you then change, people feel like they're losing a friend.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
It's like when you transform, then people feel like, oh, but you used to be the girl that watched the reality TV and talked about it. Now you don't, like I'm losing you. Oh, you used to be the person who, who didn't do that and didn't do that. And now you are like, I feel like I'm losing you. Have you ever felt that way before?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Like, as you're transforming, as you're growing, as you're becoming the person you want to be that people can often also feel like you're leaving them behind. People feel like they're grieving a friend.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Absolutely. And on a very, very base level, if someone hasn't tried it out, A, they should try it out. And B, it's like, we all know that sound makes us feel a certain way. There's songs from your past that make you feel nostalgic. There's music that can make you cry instantly. There's sounds that make you feel thoughtful and reflective.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
We all now work to lo-fi beats or whatever it is on YouTube playlists. And there's a sense that sound and frequency has an impact on us. And this is just taking it to another level. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
That's beautiful. That's beautiful the way you explained that. I love, first of all, I really appreciate the empathy that you have in the fact that everyone's not seeing everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
So it feels like overnight. It feels like a shock. And the fact that you even have the foresight to even think through that shows just how aware you are. But at the same time, I really appreciate how you're using the word weight release and not loss. And talk to us about that because I think that's really important. It's such an interesting reframe and such an important reframe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I don't know what to say.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I love that. And did the playing of the sound bowls come naturally to you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I I
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, that's impressive because it's not easy to do. It's pretty challenging. So that's awesome. I can't. I'm the guy who can't even whistle. So let alone like.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
No, no, no, no. It's hard. It's hard. My wife's a bit better than me. We have we have a few beautiful ones at home, but it's hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I need to come to one of your Astorams if I'm allowed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I love it. That's so fun. And Lizzo, I know you're huge into astrology, right? Like that's something that you're really passionate about. I was wondering, have you ever had a conversation with an astrologist that really changed your life? Something they said that just shifted everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
What's different about the second house here that you move into?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, I'm a Virgo. So yeah, I was like, oh yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, absolutely. I love that. And I love how you're describing it. It sounds like you're a phenomenal astrologer because I feel like there's such a deep way of knowing how to use it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
It's not just something that I think for all of us who've been exposed to astrology since we were young, it was like, oh my God, it knows me. It's predicting, it's this, it's compatibility, but it's so much more. It's like, how are you using it for personal growth and self-growth? Like, how do you use that as, okay, this is what I'm going to focus on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Yeah, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
I love that. I love the way you're talking about astrology. It's so refreshing because obviously you're so deep into it. And I think that's, and it sounds like that's similar to why you, last year you said, I'm taking a gap year, I'm going to protect my peace. Was that part of it to know that you're in that house year? Like that was giving you that sense as well?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
This is by far one of the best self-help books I've ever read. Your mind and soul are in for a treat. The queen of grounded science fact personal development, Mel Robbins.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Work has been seen as the number one cause of stress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
That's also what let them means.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my on-purpose podcast live and in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
We'll dive into experiences designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me and get yours today. You've just unlocked a whole new meaning of Let Them For Me. How so? I've always understood let them, and I've heard you speak about it when I read the book, this idea of let them be who they are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Imagine for every thought you had about that person, you had to pay them a dollar. That's how much energy, time and money is being wasted.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Let them act the way they want to act. Let them say and do whatever they want to do. I have to let them. I have to keep that distance. What you just unlocked for me, which I really want everyone to grapple with because I think it's so powerful, is this idea of let them also show you who they are. Yes. And if they're showing you who they are, let them be that person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
don't make them the person you imagine them to be the one you want them to be the one that you're wishing and waiting and hoping for them to be yes they are that person yes let them be that is oh my gosh my mind is literally blown because that is so powerful but you still have power jay then here's the most important thing everybody this is the most important thing this is the epiphany that i had too like holy cow i still get to choose
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
I couldn't agree more. I couldn't agree more. I love that. And I feel like
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
when you start looking at your energy and time if you thought about it like money and this idea that imagine for every thought you had about that person you had to pay them a dollar and you think about how many dollars if you now started to count the amount of thoughts you're having about that person about that situation about what they said about what they said to so and so what they thought about you and you had to pay a dollar for every thought you had about them that's how much energy time and money is being wasted
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
And we're not realizing where else it could be invested and put in. But I think you hit the nail on the head there. The reason is we feel so attached that we don't feel we can actually leave. As Thich Nhat Hanh would say, we would rather live in the familiar pain than the unfamiliar pain. At least we know what we're going to get with this person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
And there's a part of us that gets attached to that even subconsciously.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
If you're struggling right now with things you can't control, this episode is for you. If you're someone who's struggling at work and negative people and toxic culture, this episode's for you. If you're someone who's struggling with your family members and your friends and setting boundaries, this episode's for you. So...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
That really messes with people's minds.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Mel, where I want to start is work has been seen as the number one cause of stress. You write about this in the book, in people's lives. How can the let them theory help people in the place that causes them the most stress?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Mm-hmm. I'll do it for you. Yes. I can do it for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
I can solve it for you. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I remember when me and Radhi actually got married and we moved to America. And Radhi will say this herself, that at that time in her life, her parents had made a lot of big decisions for her. And she was following decisions that they were making or opportunities that they were putting forward. And all of that was with good intention.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
And then when we got married, she'd start to ask me for my advice or my insight. This would be anything from what... plates we should buy for our apartment through to like what kind of curtains we wanted. We're talking about really small everyday things. And I remember I would always say to her, well, what do you think? And she'd always say, no, no, no, you just tell me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
And I'd be like, no, but what do you think? And in the start, it would really frustrate her. But now she looks back and she goes, that question helped her so much because it helped her find her own identity, her own strength, her own tastes, her own dislikes. And now she's a whole human with opinions. And it's so fascinating to watch that. And it was because I almost had this
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
or this thought that even if I make my life easier by just telling her my tastes and dislikes and likes, it's only going to be easy in the short term because 10 years from now, she's going to think she became the person I wanted her to be and never became the person she could be. Right. And I could see that. And so I set it up and I was like, no, you just tell me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Until this day, I always practice. I'm like, I think you look beautiful, but I want you to wear what you want to wear. It shouldn't be about what I think you look better in or worse in. That just shouldn't be the case. And it's so interesting how we think love is over caring. Right. But actually over caring is over enabling that person and overwhelming that person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
It's control.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Yeah. And the truth is no one's thinking about you for as long as you think. It's true. No one's thinking about you for as much as you think. No one's thinking about you as much as they even say they're thinking about you. And we just, like you said, we keep draining that energy, consumed by it. You reminded me of the beautiful Charles Horton Cooley quote, and he wrote this in 1890.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
And he said, the challenge today is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am, which means we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves. So if I think Mel thinks I'm not smart, then I don't think I'm smart. So it's not even reality. It's not even factually proven or checked or tested.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
By the way, everything in the Let Them Theory, this book is literally every thought, those 70,000 thoughts, that's what you're addressing in this book.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
it literally does because I was talking I've talked to at least three friends this week and all of them are concerned by either hey Jay I'm thinking about posting a video on social media I'm scared of what people will think so that's for their professional or their passion I've got another friend who's worried that a lot of our other friends are talking about him negatively because he's recently fallen out with them and so he's worried like what are they saying they're all talking to each other what rumors are they spreading about me like maybe it's not true
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
And the thing that they're holding onto is they just can't let, they can't let them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
It's going to happen anyway.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Mel, do you think we expect too much from people?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
That's the number, 11 weeks.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
The life you had.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
The life you could have had.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
That is beautiful. That idea of what would you look like? What would you be thinking? How would you behave if the love of your life was two months away?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
And neither are you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
What's the difference between let it go and let them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Then.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
And we delay it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
I was talking to a friend recently and this, everything you're saying is just so true and it's resonating so strongly to me. I was talking to a friend recently and she was saying to me, I wish my friend would just be honest with me. I wish this person who's just screwed me over, just let me down, would just be honest with me rather than pretending to be my friend.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
And I said to them, they are being honest with you. Them lying is showing you their truth. That's how much they value you. Them pretending to be your friend is their truth. You don't want the truth. Actually, you want them to lie to you and you want them to be someone else. You want them to become the honest person. But they're showing you that they're not an honest person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Yeah, absolutely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
100%.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Mel, why is it so hard to make friends as we get older?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Yeah, and often you're so right. As I'm listening to you talk, I'm just thinking of how conscious we have to be with all of our relationships, the ones that matter to us, the ones that we want to invest in. And it's what you said. We were actually...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
dealt such a tough card in the fact that basically from the moment you joined school at four till the moment you were 21 if you went to college you basically didn't have to make really any major decisions or think about the next step because you went from seventh grade to eighth grade to ninth grade to whatever it is right and so then all of a sudden you're in the world at 21 yeah
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
or 18, if you didn't go to college, and you all of a sudden now have to figure out what to do for the next 50, 60 years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Because there is no structure and it makes no sense. And as I'm hearing you talk, it sounds like to me, That it would have been harder to watch your daughter have to practice the let them theory than it is for you to practice the let them theory.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
When she was going through her breakup. Would you say that's in your deep vicinity of people that you're close with, the hardest way you've had to practice the let them theory?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
I do too. I really believe that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Why are we so distracted and obsessed with things we can't control? I'm sure we all have a friend or know someone who knows they need to be working on their business. but they're talking about the news. They know they should be writing their book, but they're focused on talking about politics.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Mel, I want to thank you so deeply for writing this book, The Let Them Theory, a life-changing tool that millions of people can't stop talking about. It's true. Mel, I've learned so much from you today, honestly, and you've...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
connected so many dots to me I know I'm going to be recommending this book to so many people in my life because I really believe it's the thing that's holding them back yeah I want to thank you for writing it I want to thank you for pouring your heart into it I want to thank you for just showing up so brilliantly and emphatically today as you always do and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
I'm just so grateful to call you a friend and grateful to know you in this journey called life and genuinely so thankful that you're constantly trying to find really simple, practical tools that all of us can apply in our lives to make it easier and make it a bit more livable, but also thrive. So thank you so much, truly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
If you loved this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr. Gabor Mate on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
We love learning about this extraordinary universe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
And on our podcast, Daniel and Kelly's Extraordinary Universe, that's what we're going to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
I'm Kelly Wienersmith. I study parasites, and there's just endless things about this universe that I find fascinating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Each Tuesday and Thursday, we take an hour-long dive into some science topic.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
They know they should be building the next stage in their career or whatever it may be, trying to get that promotion, work towards that next threshold or whatever they're trying to achieve. But they're distracted by talking about all the people, all the things, all the ideas that they can do nothing about. Why are we so addicted to it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Yeah. Let her be. That example is great. And I love how you explain that difference between just how much you notice how your whole life is Right. system. Let's say you have a partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, maybe you're married to them, and this person always turns up from work a little bit late. They don't wash the dishes. You wake up in the morning, the dishes are always still out there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
There's a sense that you've told them this irks you a million times.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
He's amazing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Mel Robbins: How to Use the ‘Let Them Theory’ (A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can’t Stop Talking About)
Yeah. And so, I mean, I was speaking from so much, not direct personal experience, but personal experience in so many ways. And you're saying this person's not changing. They haven't changed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yeah. I couldn't agree with you more. I always say to myself, like, I can't make, like the day doesn't have to be great to me, but I can make the day a great day. Right. Because there could be ups and downs. It could be someone says something, someone could... be mean to me, someone could cut me off in traffic, someone could do whatever it may be to me, but I get to choose how I respond.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
I get to choose how I react and it makes such a difference. One of the themes in the show this year has been all of you talking about shedding the burdens of the past. And I think that's such an interesting thing because I think as you get older, you start to notice what you've been carrying with you, right? And you've had longer to carry it with you. And now you're more aware.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
What was some of those things that came up for you when you were like, I think these are things that I've been holding onto that I need to shed. What are some of those burdens?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. there's so much maturity in what you're saying that requires so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And something I want to kind of go into with you is this idea of how do we take accountability, but not take full responsibility, right? It's that idea of like, as you said, you can't, you can't blame yourself. And at the same time, you had to find a way to recognize you wanted to make better decisions.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And I think it's such a fine line because I think we go from saying, it's not my fault, it's everyone else's fault, to the being like, oh, it's all my fault. It's all me. I'm the one to blame. I did this to myself. How did you find that balance, which requires so much thoughtfulness and maturity to actually get to that place where it's like, I'm going to take accountability to change my life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
But I'm also going to recognize that this happened to me, but it wasn't about me, as you said. How do you get to that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yeah, I mean, as I'm listening to you, I'm just thinking about the amount of people that are probably listening to you right now thinking, Chloe, I had that fantasy too. And you had the courage, even though at one point, as you said, you were kind of, why did I stay that long? Or why did I keep doing that? And you had to forgive yourself for that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
But I think a lot of people don't know how to know when something's no longer serving them. And as I'm listening to you, I'm listening to someone who's saying, I finally got to a point where I realized this fantasy wasn't serving me. It was keeping me here. We can't speed it up. No. We can't rush ourselves to it. You can't be forced to it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
You're making such a powerful point here. And I really want everyone to take it home as they're listening. Like you can only learn on your own timeline. You can't learn on anyone else's. You can't look at someone else's pace and say, oh, I should have done it like that. And why are they doing it like that? And I think we just don't,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
it's really easy to look at someone else's life, whoever it may be, our friends, our family, people on the screen, and think we know how perfectly they should live, yet we all know how hard it is to make one decision in our own life. And what I've learned from ever having any training and learning from my spirituality and non-judgment was just that everything you judge in someone else
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
you won't fully understand until you have to go through it yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
I know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And as soon as you go through it yourself, you wake up and you go, I cannot believe I judged someone else for how they were navigating a divorce, a breakup, a marriage, whatever it may have been.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
How did you learn to forgive yourself? Because I think that is sometimes harder. And if I could say this, just from the moments I've been fortunate enough to spend time with you and connect with you, and thankfully they've always been very deep. And so even though we haven't spent lots of time together, I feel when we have, it's always been... deep time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
It's always a meaningful conversation or an exchange. And as I'm sitting with you here today versus six years ago, the first time, and every time I've seen you in between, I feel you've got more and more peaceful. Thank you. Just in your presence. You've always been wonderful and kind, but more and And what I see is someone who's become a master in forgiveness.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Your superpower is your ability to forgive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
To forgive others, but even more importantly, yourself. And so I'm really intrigued about your self part because forgiving other people is one thing, but letting yourself say, hey, I moved at the right time. I moved at the right pace. I don't need to hate on myself for not getting out of it sooner or not seeing it sooner. That requires so much inner forgiveness. Walk us through that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
It is. It is. You're the one who's lived it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
You've always taken care of others. Have you discovered anything about why you've seen yourself take on that role in so many relationships in your life? How do you even find the courage to trust again?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
I think that's what it is. We start to believe deeply. That there's only one problem and that's us. Right. Right. We walk around thinking that it's all because of me. It's because of my weakness. It's because of my flaws. It's because of whatever else it is. And we completely forget that there's anything else to it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
There is a fine line.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Absolutely. And I think it's that, it's being able to accept that I was weak, but I am not weak, right? There's a difference in that language, even in the way you're speaking about it. There's a difference in I made a mistake, right? versus I am a mistake.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And I think as soon as it becomes internalized to believe that that's who I am, that's who I've always been and I won't be anything else, then we don't allow ourself to say no. It's almost like looking back at an outfit of yours and going, God, I don't know why I was wearing that. Right? Right. And you're like, why did I wear that? Like those two things don't even go together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
But you know, you're not your clothes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
So you forgive yourself and you go, okay, that was a bad day and I'll wear something else today and I can make sure that it matches.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Exactly. Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Chloe, welcome back to On Purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
You came on the podcast in 2019.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
You just hit on something that's really important. I think a lot of people kind of get into that lull, like that feeling of a long period of, I don't see light at the end of a tunnel. And was it like that for you? I mean, you're so committed to the work, whether it's your prayer, your journaling.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Which is six years ago. Yeah. We just launched at the beginning of that year and you were such an important part of helping the show get to where it is today. Thank you. So the kind words you were just saying to me a moment ago about the show... are so much because of you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
We were just talking earlier when you came in about how you need a few hours every week just by yourself. And that's a practice that you've maintained with children, with your businesses, with your responsibilities that carving out that time is so important to you. Talk to me about that, about like how much the work helped you even in the darkest times. Were you able to maintain it or?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Well, thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And I'm so grateful to you, your beautiful and wonderful family who've just been so kind to me over the years. Your mom, who I adore. Kendall and Kim, who've both been amazing guests on the show and people I've got to spend time with off screen as well. And it's just... You've all been so wonderful to me. So I'm deeply grateful and deeply touched by all the love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
I'm so glad you talked about that because I think that's one of the challenges we have today in the world is our inability to be alone. And again, I come at it from the same point of view as you. It's not about being judgmental. It's coming from a place of compassion and empathy that you can't break a pattern if you simply avoid it and pretend it doesn't exist.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And when we're alone, we're breaking the pattern because we have to look at those assumptions. We have to look at all those beliefs. We have to look at the hardwired truths that we're living by. And we've got to look at, wait a minute, every decision I make, Where in the past did that seed get planted? And I'm now eating the fruit from that. And what seed do I want to plant today?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Because I want to eat a different fruit in the future. Right. Otherwise we keep eating the fruits from the past and never plant any new seeds.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
I always say to people, there's two questions you have to ask yourself. The first is, Are you someone who seeks discomfort or someone who needs to build confidence? So if you're someone who needs to seek discomfort, you should start with the hardest thing first. And if you're someone who needs to build confidence, you should start with the easiest thing first.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Because some of us want to wake up in the morning and jump into a cold plunge because that sets us up for the day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And some of us just need to wake up and make our bed. And if we do that, now we feel we can do harder things. And all of us are one or the other. And the second thing is, are you an extremist or are you a balanced person? So for someone like me, I'm really good at being extreme. So if I make a decision and a commitment, I can be really extreme and cut it out tomorrow. My wife is more balanced.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
If you asked her to eat one tiny piece of chocolate a day, she could do that. Me, I can eat the whole bar and the whole box or nothing because that's who I am as a person. And so it all comes back to what you're saying that when you're spending time alone, you get a real sense of who you are and then you get to make better habits and decisions for yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
For you, as we're talking about all of this and your commitment to the work, your commitment and continued commitment to it, why was traditional therapy a path that you wanted to go down and take part in, as you mentioned? Why was that something that you opened the door to?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Oh, thank you. And the last time we were together, we were on your podcast. Yes. Which I'm so excited about. I can't wait to talk more about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yeah, definitely. Yeah. There's such a value when you can trust someone in speaking to someone who's not connected to your life and almost doesn't feel the pressure to remind you, hey, you're doing great. Or like, you know, that's trying to fill all those other ways. But the thing that stood out to me is, you know, you talked earlier about the romantic relationships where your trust was broken.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
How do you even find the courage to trust again?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
No, I loved it. It was so much fun speaking to you and you using your platform to talk about important topics and themes and vulnerability. And then my favorite thing is we were in India just around this, like kind of coming around this time last year and being with you in India and getting to take you to the monastery that I stayed at for some time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
What did you find about that? Because I think that's so true for so many people who go to therapy that when you first go, you do recount your life as if it's a biography, right? You talk about it as if it's another person because we have disassociated and disconnected some of that emotion as a protective mechanism, as a mechanism of not internalizing all of it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
What did you find when you started to kind of go through the less salacious parts and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
these more and and to be honest I also imagine it's rarely those moments that are the really defining moments the defining moments happened much earlier right with the unseen things what did you discover as you started to almost as you said in your words you were dead how did you become more alive to the emotion of those moments what did you discover I remember I would just like I wrote everything down and I would read them as if I was reading like you said somebody's
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Have you figured out why?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
No, well, I think partly it's because we're, I mean, you probably know it as a mother, I think. Whenever we were crying as kids, most people just said to us, it's okay, don't cry. Yeah. It's okay, don't cry, whatever it was, right? Right. And not that our parents had bad intentions or anything like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
It was so beautiful to have that with you. And so thank you for letting me have that experience with you as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
It's a different time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
It's a natural thing to say, but it's like, I think we've always been made to feel like if you cried, it was almost normal. wrong or it wasn't needed or it wasn't necessary.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
I'm that person. I can like get teary to like, if I get asked to speak at someone's birthday that I love or someone's wedding or whatever it is, I am just holding back tears. I've had the opportunity to officiate some weddings and whenever I'm officiating,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
i'm just literally going jay don't cry don't cry don't cry because i just when i see people in love and i see you know all the families and that's my dream yeah it's like i'm holding back the whole time yeah no that's my dream to be like i i have a heart i have emotions this is beautiful like i wish but you're so expressive with your words i know i feel like every time we talk we've connected whether we're messaging or whatever it is you're so expressive
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
You're so loving through your words. Thank you. Like you would feel that and that's so natural and genuine to you. So it is there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
My wife will look over at me because I'm crying in every moment. She's like, how are you crying at this? Like nothing's even happened yet. You're like, I know what's going to happen. Yeah, exactly. It seems like one of the things I noticed with you is you're such a rock for your family, for your children, even for your ex-partners. Like you've been such a rock.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And in one sense, it seems like one of your patterns is you've always taken care of others and other people. Have you discovered anything about why you've seen yourself take on that role in so many relationships in your life?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yeah, you both were so gracious and kind and curious. And I was so in awe of just how wonderfully respectful and thoughtful. Thank you. And the fact that we were on a crazy schedule at a crazy wedding and you guys somehow managed to wake up to go to a temple. It's pretty impressive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
You're the best. Well, Chloe, this week on the episode, when we're recording this at least, it's your 40th birthday. And that was soon after you got back from India last year.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yeah, and it is such a beautiful thing to be able to say, I love this about myself. And yes, maybe it's made me overgive or overlove or overshare or whatever it may be. But at the same time, there's a beauty in this. Helps me be an amazing mom, helps me protect these children, like which is such a beautiful gift.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And I think sometimes that's so true that our greatest gifts and our greatest superpowers come from how we were loved and what we experienced or what we had or didn't have. And it's us figuring out how that superpower can still live in our life and not trip us up. I think as time's gone on, as we start to set boundaries, A boundary should never put a boundary on your ability to love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
It's a boundary to protect you from loving the wrong person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And I wanted to ask you, like, what it felt like turning 40.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And there's a difference in that, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
There is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
You wanting to share love and give love should never be limited.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And not a bad thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And not a bad thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
No.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And not a bad thing. And I think we all can become closed-hearted and... darker and bitter about it because of what we've experienced. But I love that you've held on to that. And I think the biggest challenge for a good-hearted, good person is that we believe everyone loves the way we do. And then when they don't, we feel hurt by it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And then we can become closed and unloving, but that's the biggest loss for the world. It's the biggest loss for our lives because as you said, there's so much joy. If you can feel joy in being that person, it's a beautiful thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
I think the amazing thing about love is we think love is also something we only feel when we receive it. But love, you actually feel it when you get to give it. There's like a joy in giving love That isn't there even in receiving it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yeah. It's beautiful. I mean, speaking of marriage, obviously recently on the show, you had Lamar on the show and And I believe it was the first time you'd seen each other in nine years. Almost 10, yes. Almost 10 years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
I wonder, why did you feel now was the time to reconnect? And was it you who initiated? Was it him? Where did that come from?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
What did it bring up for you? And was it useful in giving more closure? Did it feel like it moved it on? Or was it kind of like pulling you back? Because I'm thinking about all the people in the world who have the courage, first of all, to even not talk to someone for nine years, because that's hard enough as it is. But then to kind of throw yourself back into it that much time later. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Does it make you feel like there's more healing for you to do in regard to that relationship, like resentment, anger, or that the forgiveness that you had has kind of felt more concrete?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
I'm mind blown, honestly. Oh my God, Jay. I mean it. It's just, and I believe you so deeply. I can feel it just sitting with you in your presence, but it's so hard to do what you're saying just in general. Yeah. And people always say forgive and forget, but I think for you it's forgive and don't forget.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
It's huge. I really hope you... Thank you. I really hope you allow that to sit with you and take that into just how huge it is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
No, I think of it the other way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
How did you imagine your 40s were going to look when you were younger? And now that you're moving into them, how close are they? How different are those visions?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Don't ever let anyone tell you it's weak. It's so not weak. It's so powerfully strong and you can see it in your heart. And just that, a heart full of compassion and empathy and context and understanding. I mean, you did that for Amari, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
The other situation, it's like you're going, if you're not talking to someone and you're going against all of this, but you're recognizing that there's someone here who's vulnerable, unable to care for themselves. Right. And... Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yeah. And the biggest thing is you're better off because of it internally. And I think that's ultimately what no one sees apart from you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
is you have to go to when you're when your eyes close at night and you go to sleep you go to sleep with that feeling of what you did and how you felt right and if you were in bed that night going i should have done this i should have helped i wish i did this but i've got to look strong and i don't want to be weak right but then you're weak you've just you know right stayed up all night trying to solve this issue in your head yeah yeah i know it's huge
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
You brought up your beautiful children, who I love seeing you with. And they're adorable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
The cutest. And I was just thinking that being a mom for you is just such, it feels like such a natural role, as you said earlier.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
It's my favorite thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
But it's your favorite thing. And it comes across in seeing all the kids together and everything. What do you hope as they grow up? Do they learn about you and see in you? What's your hope for them to understand about their mom?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
That's so beautiful. I mean, it shows. I mean, that is such a profound thing for a six-year-old to write. Isn't it? I got it this morning.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
I was like, I am.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yeah, it's so sweet. We were talking about earlier society's expectations and pressures as you were growing up. And as you said, it's so much harder on children today because of the access, right? Before you knew what your class was doing. Today, you know what the whole world is doing. There are also kids that the whole world knows what they're doing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
So it creates so many, how do you, what does it look like when you're thinking about this And you're figuring out how they navigate the world that they're growing up in. What are the thoughts that come to your mind?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yeah. You were also saying that dating is something that you'd be open to at least one date in your 40s, I think you said. I have 10 years. Yeah, that's amazing. And I was thinking like this idea of dating as a mom is hard, I'm sure, like with time and energy and effort and everything else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Like how does that even fit into that wheelhouse as you're thinking about it for all the moms out there who are thinking about dating in their 40s, which is very real.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Listening to you, I'm thinking like there's such a, Just even what you're saying and just being happy with where you are, happy with yourself. I wonder, does the evolved, the version of you that's been doing all this work, how do you think about the right partner now versus how you used to think about it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And then, you know, the quick version before, like how has that impacted what you look for, what you think about?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yeah, I think you're so right. What you just said now about how everyone has a tough 30s to 40s, I think it's really interesting when you're going in your 20s to 30s, you have a really high expectation And then you kind of get brought down to reality. I think everyone has a tougher 20s than they imagined.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
But see, I love that idea because I think you've just hit on something for a lot of people. I think so many people, almost we do the extreme. So one extreme is we love bombing. We get love bomb, we love it. It doesn't work out. But then the other extreme is we get so comfortable being alone that we don't even know how to engage with others.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And I think we kind of oscillate between these two things where we just go back and forth. Right. As opposed to I love what you're doing, which is, hey, let's create an opportunity for a connection, whether it's romantic or not. Right. And I'm practicing my skill. Yeah. It's not going to feel like this really daunting thing now when I have a conversation with someone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And it kind of keeps it fresh for us. And I think that's so important for people because we get so confident and comfortable being alone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yeah. I love that for you. That's such a great idea.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Oh, I'd love to. Let me know when. I'd love that. I'd love that. That'd be so much fun. No, that sounds beautiful. And one thing I've noticed about you throughout this whole conversation that I admire so deeply, is you just lean into discomfort. Just lean into it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Oh my God.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And that's so hard to do. Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
I didn't think of that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
You just lean into it. Whether it's the discomfort of forgiveness, the discomfort of moving on, the discomfort of accepting where you are, the discomfort of raising a family, the discomfort of people seeing you as being weak, the discomfort of dealing with external judgment. You just lean into it. where does that come from? Where did you see it? Where did you experience it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
You're having the pressure of what it should be, the pressure of starting work, the pressure of a relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Now that seeing as it sounds like it's the first time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yeah. I think faith is just such a underestimated part of life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
I think people get scared now. There's like this worry. And I feel like things are coming back around again. It almost feels like there was a time when you almost couldn't talk about it because you'd be judged for it or there'd be connotations or, you know, things like that around it. And I definitely felt that as well, where it's just like, okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And I think now that's coming back around where I think, A lot of younger people in the world today are turning towards spirituality and faith. Oh, I love hearing that. Which you're seeing in trends and conversations where I think people are having to look for higher purpose and higher meaning now. We need it. Because it's really hard to find meaning and purpose around us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And I think what you talk about it so beautifully is that it's a conversation. It's real. It's natural. It's good and bad. It's not like this ritualistic process. There's a genuine...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
relationship yes that exists there which is what we're all looking for as well yeah yeah chloe it's been such a joy talking to you today honestly i love every moment i get to spend with you you have just reminded us of how we can be strong in tough times how you can look back on your life and move forward how you can reflect and still feel so much growth
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And that we shouldn't be scared to do the work and that we can be scared, but then we still have to follow through. And I'm so thankful that my community and I get to learn from you and sit with you and really dive into so much stuff that people have seen play out for them. but to really understand how you've been processing it behind the scenes is really a gift. So thank you so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
20 years old. Absolutely. Such great advice. I mean, I look at it in my 20s. I first became a monk. I then left and worked in consulting. I then left and did media. And then since then, I've done video content, podcasts, wrote books, just things that I would never have imagined. If someone told me at 18, Jay, this is what your life's going to look like, I wouldn't believe them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And I think something you said that was really important that when you get into your 30s, there's almost like this grounding effect as well, where you start to ask yourself, what do I really want in life? But as you get into your 40s, you're almost living that of like, what's really important? What really is my priority? Am I clear about what I want? Whereas in your 20s, you don't know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
And how could you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yeah, what would you say, because I feel like we have such an amazing community of young women and women who listen to this show, and so many of them I know are thinking, gee, I'm 30 years old, I'm not married, there's so much pressure, I'm not in a serious relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
What words of advice, wisdom, insight, or lessons would you share with them in that period of their life where the societal pressure, the parental pressure, the personal pressure, the pressure of what's happening all around them on Instagram, TikTok, social media, how should they think about navigating that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
Yeah, I think you've raised so many important points there. One of them that resonates with me is I always say to people, the only way you can purify envy is study. What I mean by that is when you study someone's success, you get motivated by it. When you envy someone's success, you get demotivated by it. Right. Because you feel it's not for me, I'm not going to get that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Khloé Kardashian: My Side that Nobody Knows (Truth Behind Headlines, Divorce, Co-Parenting)
When you study it, when you look at how they started, when you look at the challenges they've gone through, when you look at the ups and the downs, all of a sudden you realize you get so much inspiration. Right. That I can do it too, right? That that person's had a very normal human journey. And maybe I just don't see that because I'm only seeing the success. I'm not seeing the story.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
How does one know if they're hypnotizable? Because I believe that most people would... feel like, oh, it would never work on me and I don't think it would work on me like they do with meditation as well. People always think, oh, that won't work for me. My mind is everywhere. How does someone know if they can be hypnotized?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
I think we should do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Is it possible to control others with hypnosis?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
There's tingling in my fingers.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Comfortable, very comfortable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Agreed. It's lighter.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
It's interesting to perceive the sensation, to be aware of it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
the number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
It's interesting, for sure. It's curious.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Now, your left hand just popped up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
It felt like a pull, almost, that I had to lift it up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Yeah, that it felt like I should. It felt right to do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Because I could feel it. It was a physical sensation. It was physical. Yeah, it was physical. It wasn't mental, because I know you'd said that in the instructions. Yeah. And I could... I could feel it in my brain, so I guess there's something, but it felt physical. It felt like a force, a physical force.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Yeah, there's no feeling of there being any other. My left hand almost feels like there's puppet strings attached.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Puppet strings.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Whereas here, I don't feel they're there. I feel like I can do what I want with this, whereas this hand feels very like,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
But in that sensation of the idea that, in the sense, I don't know how to describe that. It's this hand feels fully under my control, whereas this hand feels like there's a sense of, I want to nail the expression. It's this hand, I can do whatever I want with it right now, whereas this hand feels like that's where it's meant to be. That's where it's meant to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. You know that I love sitting down with thought leaders and experts who introduce us to new modalities and ideas and insights that can improve our daily lives. Today's guest is someone I've been really excited to talk to. I'm speaking to Dr. David Spiegel.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Let go like this?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
There's still a sensation in my forearm that makes me want to lift it slightly for some comfort. But when I put it down fully, it's slowly getting more acclimatized to matching with the right. But it's not there yet. There's still some sensation there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Yeah, I could still want to lift it a little bit. There's still that feeling of wanting to lift it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Slowly getting there. Getting there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
No, I don't think so.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
I believe so, yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Yeah, you said when I would touch my elbow that it would return back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Which is shocking to me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
I just never thought... I had this really strange thing happen that when you were talking, and I know we haven't even got into it yet, but when you asked me to roll my head... I think I find myself often to be non-hypnotizable just because I don't know. I guess I've never opened myself up to it. But I felt this...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
When you were kind of about to count me down, I felt like my head just getting heavier and lowering. And I felt like I was like, I could, I was aware that I was sinking, but I was like, why am I sinking? Like, what's going on? And so it was always like my head was straight back because you asked me to be comfortable as if I was floating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
So when you said that, I kind of leaned back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
And I felt like I was floating in a lake, as you said.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
But then when you said, like, we're going to bring back ourselves to consciousness, my head started to do this. And it was such a natural thing. heaviness that brought my head down. But there was a part of me that was going, why are we doing this right now? Why am I dropping my head? But I am dropping my head.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Correct. My head was leaning forward, but you didn't ask me to do that. And I didn't know why I was doing it, but it felt natural to kind of feel like I was sinking in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
who's a Wilson Professor and Associate Chair of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, Director of the Center on Stress and Health, and Medical Director of the Center for Integrative Medicine at Stanford University School of Medicine. Dr. David Spiegel is the founder of Reverie, the world's first interactive self-hypnosis app.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
That's a great question. I would say that the state of sinking and being in that state of awake and alert, but also resting is something... I feel certain mindfulness practices can allow us to create that state. I've never created it through physical movement. It's always created through being present or still or bringing my awareness to a particular object or my breath or whatever it may be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
But I've never really felt it physically is probably the best way I could define the difference. I felt like I'm floating while meditating or I felt a lightness in my entire body, but not in a specific way. or a specific part of my body.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
What about the cynical mind that says,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
that's i'm so glad i'm talking to you about this because you know years of research stanford medicine it's the cynical mind that i avoided having in this experience because i generally consider myself someone who wants to be open to experience and curious and open to letting things in to figure it out and see how useful it may be but the cynical mind that says well of course jay lifted his hand because
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
David had said that he would lift his hand when he put it back down. But to me, I can genuinely say that, yes, there was an instruction in the brain, but there was also a feeling that was there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
You can download it as soon as you want to while you're listening to this conversation. Dr. Spiegel has more than 45 years of clinical and research expertise, has published 13 books, 404 scientific journal articles, and his work has been supported by the National Institute of Mental Health, the National Cancer Institute, and so many more. Please welcome to On Purpose, Dr. David Spiegel.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
And so both those things, and my cynical self, if I was trying to be annoying, which I would never want to in a, you know, I've invited you to be my guest on my show, but the cynical, skeptical part of me would have been like, oh, I'm just going to hold my hand down just to make a point. But I wanted to go with how I was actually feeling and intuitively feeling.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
So the cynical person that says, well, it's a placebo effect or it's something that David told you to do and that's why you did it. How do you process that kind of response or reaction that often I imagine arises?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
I would, yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Right. Even though you're the one giving the instruction, you feel that that's showing that I have the power to control my body.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
No, no, no, not at all.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Mm-hmm.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
David, it's great to have you here. Thank you for being here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Yeah, that's brilliant. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and I wanted to invite you to a brand new interactive no-charge workshop, Renew You, that I'm eager to share with you. Over the years, I've worked with thousands of people across the globe, and I've noticed a common theme. Many of us are feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or disconnected. We're going through the motions of life, but not really living.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Thank you so much, Jay. I'm delighted to be here talking with you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Does that sound familiar? You feeling burnt out, uninspired, or like life is just passing by without meaning? Maybe you're struggling to make the impact you know you're capable of, or perhaps you're craving deeper connections with others. If any of this resonates, then I want you to know that change is possible, and it starts with the choices you make today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
I'm so fascinated by your work and I'm so excited I get to bring it to my community and audience. And I wanted to start off because I really want to take the audience on a journey today to really understand. I think hypnotherapy and hypnosis are words and ideas and things that we've heard about for a long period of time, but we have a very limited understanding of what it actually is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
In this workshop, I'm going to share five simple yet powerful steps that can help you reignite your passion, purpose, and joy. These are the same principles that have helped me and countless others reshape our lives from the inside out, and I know they can do the same for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
You'll walk away with actionable strategies to revamp your daily routine, find your true purpose, and create meaningful connections. And the best part, this workshop is completely free. These changes don't require massive overhauls. It's about making small intentional shifts that can lead to big results. This workshop is more than just learning. It's about doing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
I'll be guiding you through reflections and exercises that will help you start creating the life you've always dreamed of right here, right now. Go to www.renewyouworkshop.com to access this at no charge and start building a life that's not just lived, but truly loved. See you there. How can hypnotherapy affect our memory? How does it work with memory?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
So I'd love to start with what is hypnosis and what are some of the misconceptions about it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
I mean, that's so fascinating that sometimes our conscious memory doesn't hold on to these aspects, but the subconscious can. And so is it that you're able to also relieve past stress and anxiety and overwhelm Is it by reframing the narrative in hypnosis or hypnotherapy that we do? Is that the work that's doing? Could you give some examples?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Yeah, I believe it's known as kintsugi. Yes, that's right. Yes, they use that gold powder and things like that. And you get these gold veins in the vases that is so beautiful. And thank you for showing that extreme example, because I think
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
it's it's so interesting because you could do that as a theoretical activity but it doesn't it doesn't work like that you know you could say like what did you learn from this or how did you react and sometimes it can be so painful to reflect on it in such a technical theoretical way that's right and being able to see yourself fighting and being brave and being courageous and how it affects.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
How does then that work with self-hypnotherapy? Like when you talk about your app Reverie, how does that work? Because you're not physically there to guide people. How do then people allow themselves to practice it on their own in a safe way, in a safe environment, in a way that it can help?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Absolutely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
When you're working directly with a professional, how long have you seen it take for results to start forming in reality? So if someone's struggling with sleep and insomnia, how long does it take the average person to get back to a sense of... Well, I can tell you I have the most data, Jay, from Reverie.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
What's the most extreme case or unique case where you've used hypnotherapy that you remember that you think would be really powerful for the audience to hear about?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
I mean, thank you for sharing that story. Super fascinating. I hope there's somewhere we can read and learn about all of these. Please let us know where the audience can go to learn more. But what makes someone unhypnotizable and when someone...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
isn't open to and it doesn't work on them what do they do about it can they develop the ability to become more hypnotizable what can they do to open themselves up to if they feel it's a modality that could help them
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
David, is there anything I didn't ask you that you really feel is on your heart and mind that you want to share that's intuitively something you'd like to share?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Absolutely. Thank you so much. You're welcome. And we end every episode of On Purpose with a final five. These have to be answered in one word to one sentence. Dr. David Spiegel, these are your fast five, your final five. Question number one is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
absolutely yeah i believe that was steve jobs who said that yes steve jobs such a powerful message and i really appreciate the way you're explaining hypnosis and hypnotherapy i find that what would you say are the common uses or because i think again like you said you've seen something on stage or you've seen it in a movie and it's used to often manipulate someone or it's used to
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Second, what is the worst advice you've ever had or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
question number three which you can expand on is uh how do we get over our fear of revisiting the past hypnotherapy opening up to new modalities that we you know that that aren't as familiar even you know we're almost not scared to put a pill in our body or injection as you said or sometimes have a surgery but these things feel scarier
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Amazing. And question number four, how would you define your current purpose?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Amazing. And fifth and final question, if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Absolutely. Dr. David Spiegel, thank you so much for joining. I hope that our audience will practice along with me, join Reverie and continue to connect with Dr. David Spiegel's work. Such a joy and honor to be with you today and so grateful for you making the trip over and I look forward to reconnecting very soon.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Thank you. Thank you so much. If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr. Gabor Mate on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
extract information. It's used for some sort of heist, right, in the movie or entertainment world. How would you find hypnosis or hypnotherapy being useful as individuals? Where does it become something that any one of us can access, use, utilize, and need?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
And can you walk us through, David, the neurobiology? What's happening to our brain in this period? Because I think, again, often people have looked at some of these modalities as being woo-woo or being slightly alternative, et cetera. But what's actually happening from a neuroscience perspective?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dr. David Spiegel: 10-MINUTE Hypnosis Hack to Rewire Your Brain & Reduce Stress 80% Faster
Is it possible to control others with hypnosis and hypnotherapy?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Has there been any examples of any parents who weren't communicating with their non-speakers and then maybe through your work or Dr. Power's work kind of become aware of this and then tried to experiment and experience where they didn't realize that their non-speaking child could talk to them in this way by spelling?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Up until now, what kind of responses have those questions met? Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
appreciate your insight on immersive observation especially I like your analogy of thinking about it as if you're watching something in nature and you have to see it in its own space and its own habitat and its own environment where it naturally functions and isn't
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
put into this space and I've always felt and known that there's so much more that we're capable of that we don't know how do we draw the difference and distinction between this and intuition and some of the other things that we may be more familiar with as a society how is this so different
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
How do you define consciousness in that context?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
What do you mean? Tell me a bit more about that. I'm less aware.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
No way. Mm-hmm.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Are there any other programs or things you've come across like that, that are used in the modern world in a less spiritual space or?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Have you and your friend ever tried doing that again?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
That'd be really fascinating to sit down again and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, it's one of those things, isn't it? Where it's so hard in our material world to give space for invisible thinking. Yeah. Because like you said, everything that we look at is so visibly measured, visibly real. That's how we function. Yeah. as a society, then almost when these ideas start to seep in, it starts to become very challenging.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And certain ideas have found their place in the Western world when you look at things like astrology. And so coming from an Eastern background, astrologers who have incredible abilities rarely exist anymore, but those that in India had these abilities, like you've seen the Western version of astrology evolve and it exists in some capacity in our world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
But you find most of these ideas kind of fall by the wayside and don't really have a version or like a lot of astrology can be and is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
get labeled as woo-woo or just you know made up or or meant to make people feel safe what was it that gave you so much trust when you were doing these tests yourself that gave you a sense of confidence from being someone who in your own words you felt well it's not that you came from a spiritual background or this what you're open to and all of a sudden you're like no i believe this like what what did you see what did you experience that you were like no no this this is legitimate yeah
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
How would you describe or explain what telepathy actually means?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. What had you seen when you spoke to Dr. Powell? Like, what had she seen from a scientific point of view that convinced her that this was real?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
What research had she found that made it feel so legitimate to her as well?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Sorry, could you tell us what ESP is?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
What have you found in your research looking at animals and telepathy?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
As you can ask you about the connection between dreams and telepathy, has there been any connection there?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
What kept her going?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, definitely. There are so many people that I've been speaking to about it with since I've been listening. And the conversations that it's starting are actually the most exciting part for me. I think the curiosity that it's sparking in people. I was trying to think about actually when else in society, when have we had that kind of resistance to something?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Like, I don't know if you've looked back and I'm sure with your research mind, like, have you looked back at times in society where we would have been like, no, going to the moon is ridiculous. It's never going to happen. And then we do it, right? Because that in one sense is outside of our visible world to some degree in terms of before you could see it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Or now when we talk about, you know, building life on another planet, it's become normalized because Elon Musk or whoever will talk about these things publicly so often. Have you looked at any other times with things like this?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Today's guest is someone that I'm really excited to talk about. These are the themes, the ideas that I really want On Purpose community to get exposed to. They're conversations that I believe we should be having, need to be having as humanity, and they push us forward. They challenge us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
There's still a few flat earthers left.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, for sure, for sure. And I almost think that it's at like a perfect synchronicity with all of our developments in AI. Like, you know, we're at this precipice where it's like AI is the new frontier, right? At a very basic level, everyone's now using chat GPT. And then we're looking at what singularity could look like. And we're looking at the tech horizon of all of this advancement.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And it only makes sense to me that at the same time, we need this other side. That we're also seeing these advancements in our spiritual understanding and our spiritual exploration. And I wanted to ask you, so far with Dr. Powell's work and what you've seen, what has been...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
They Maybe make us feel uncomfortable, but they propel our thinking forward. And today's guest is none other than Kai Dickens, an award-winning, acclaimed filmmaker and podcast host known for diving into complex social issues to spark change. Kai is the host of The Telepathy Tapes, which is a new podcast going absolutely viral. If you don't know about it, I don't know where you've been.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yes, agreed, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah. When you started doing the tests, I remember you saying that you were seeing like a 95% success rate, which is extremely high. What were you seeing in the 5% that was inaccurate or incomplete?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, right. Oh, wow. So it was literally things like spelling, basically.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, or a double tap, et cetera.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, wow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Kai digs into the incredible abilities of non-speaking individuals with autism uncovering mind-blowing stories of telepathy beyond different dimensions. The series invites viewers to challenge their ways and rethink what communication really means and what the human mind is truly capable of. Please welcome to On Purpose, Kai Dickens. Kai, thank you so much for being here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And what about some of them that could see colors and letters around numbers? Where was that coming from?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
You've dedicated three and a half years to this now, right? Do you feel like it feels like your purpose? It's become something that's so, I mean, to dedicate three and a half years is a long, long, long, long time. And the telepathy tapes you launched fairly recently, like just around the holidays or whatever, and to see the incredible success they've had. But it's been so much study and time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
I want to know your emotions and feelings throughout this three and a half years and then Whether it feels like your purpose now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
What meaning has it spoken to you for you? So what questions has it answered for you or what questions has it made you ask that you find are so meaningful for us to know?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, it's so nice to meet you. And I want to dive straight in. And the question I want to ask Kai before we get into it is, who were you before you dove into the telepathy tapes, before you dove into this work? Tell me a bit about who you were, what you believed, what you valued, and what your system of thinking was.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, I mean, the Eastern traditions describe consciousness to have three qualities, sat, chit, and ananda, which mean full of knowledge, which makes sense to what you're saying now, eternal, endless, and full of bliss, love. And so when you're saying that, even through your discovery, that potentially consciousness...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
the idea that there's greater consciousness where there's knowledge or messages being inferred that comes from that full of knowledge the idea that you're saying consciousness doesn't die you used a word there i forgot it but this idea that it's continuous and that continues to exist is the eternal part and then like you said it's founded on love is the full of bliss and so those qualities actually seem to match very coherently with the eastern spiritual traditions of
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
understanding what consciousness actually is yeah i've always been excited about science catching up with spirituality yeah and so i love when science can prove the value in spirituality and beliefs or practices that have happened for hundreds or thousands of years yeah
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And I've seen it happen with mindfulness and meditation where, you know, these practices have been around for thousands of years. And today, mindfulness and meditation are no longer woo-woo and made up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Even when I first started practicing it, like I first started practicing meditation around 2007. And if you talked about meditation to someone in 2007, they didn't really think it was that valuable or they thought it was just made up. Or if you told someone that breath work was a way of calming yourself down or, you know, reducing negative thoughts or anxiety, people would have laughed at you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And so I've seen it happen with a few things and I've always been excited by when science has been able to have the language, the tools, the vocabulary to talk about these ideas and I was just back at the monastery that I used to live at in India this January. And I had some of my most powerful meditation experiences nearly 20 years after I first started meditating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And it's hard to explain, like it's hard to put into words. And, you know, you can often feel, and I'm sure, you know, the nonverbal children, they probably feel as well, like how little they can even, you know, through the written word, actually explain what they're experiencing or what they're going through. And we can all identify with emotions and feelings like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Even if we don't believe, know, trust what's going on. I think we've all had experiences where like, I have no idea how to explain this, or I have no idea how to put this into words. I've always wanted that marriage between science and spirituality, where science will actually look to spirituality for what to look into.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Me and Andrew Huberman, who's been on the show a few times, will always talk about a lot of the practices he suggests and recommends, like starting off your day looking at sunlight, which kicks off our circadian rhythm and keeps everything in harmony and balance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Surya Namaskar, which translated as sun salutations, is an ancient practice of looking at the sun when you wake up first thing in the morning. And how that was the way to get your body invigorated. And so you see these similarities in these ancient practices that people have done for thousands of years. They may not have said, oh, it's about the circadian rhythm.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And they didn't talk about it like that. But they were these beautiful practices in every tradition that existed because of their value to the human body, the human mind, and the human spirit.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, exactly. And while there are naturally, as always, people who've exploited or lied or pretended or charlatan, whatever, in In these traditions, naturally, as there are in everywhere, science included and everywhere else, it's almost like those people exist because the real thing exists.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Because there's someone who can do it for real and then someone's trying to do something with it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
But that's usually how it works. You only get, this is a terrible example, but that's where my mind's going. You only get fake Gucci handbags because there's real ones. And that's the idea with research. You only get fake something when the real thing has been existed or experienced. And then you make the fake version because you don't know how the real one exists.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Why is our resistance so deep? Like, why are we so stuck in our ways when it comes to these ideas? And the same is probably true for scientific and technological advancement too. I think, you know, I recently spoke to Bill Gates and he was talking about the idea that computers would exist in every home was just bizarre. Like people were like, that's ridiculous. Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
No one's going to have a personal computer in their home. What's the need?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
That was, that was the opinion that people had. So I don't think it's, I actually don't think it's just spirituality. I think, I think innovation, any form of innovation meets that kind of resistance. Where does that come from? Why is it that we're so resistant? What have you seen from human behavior and people you've come across?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Have you felt that spending more time with the children, the families and everything, are these abilities that... those of us that are mere mortals and normal can develop and build and grow? Or are they things that are reserved for specifically the nonverbal speakers?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah. I mean, I often wonder also whether science will ever be able to measure a lot of these experiences and phenomena.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
in a way that makes sense to everyone. I often wondered that whether some of these things are just the way they are. And like you said, because our scientific tools have been built to measure that which is material and seen, how can we measure something with a tool that's meant to measure something that's unseen anyway?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Can you tell us how you first discovered it? Because like you said, your work was somewhat different to what this is now. And I want to know how it first came across your table.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
What have you found in your research looking at animals and telepathy?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Only on that day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
One thing that really stood out to me was I think you said that the American Speech Language Hearing Association says that spelling is not a valid form of communication and they call it a pseudoscience. And I was like, so that's interesting as well. Why is it considered that way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Walk me through that. I didn't know that. I learned that through listening. Like 150 years sign language took to be accepted. What were the steps? Do you know?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
What's been your, if you had to pick a couple of favorite stories or experiences that have really stayed with you or relationships you've built with some of the parents and families and non-speaking individuals that stand out to you that you shared on telepathy tapes or?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
I'm not claiming to have any telepathic abilities, but I have this habit of whenever I think of someone, I always message them. Even if I don't need anything or want anything. And 99% of the time when I think of someone, I don't want anything or need something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
So I'll just message them and say, hey, I'm thinking of you and, you know, sending love. I'm here for you. And 99% of the time someone will message me back and say, I was just thinking about you. Or I really need to try now, whatever it may be. Now, whatever that is, I always love the magic of being able to send that message, whether it is met with a positive response or not.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And it's just a beautiful thing to try. And I think, I just love that your work is making us more curious and opening us up to these ideas, because that to me is the part of us that's missing when it comes to spiritual innovation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah. I was actually going to ask you about the connection between dreams and telepathy. Has there been any connection there? Have you come across anything between those two?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
John Paul and Lily and that connection. Can you explain that to the audience who may not have heard it yet?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
He's episode four.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah. Right. Right. And I think that's a really important point that you made there. It's like, we all have different gifts and abilities and it's just, I think if you start to think that this person is gifted beyond that, that can get quite messy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
In any way for anything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Can you explain the hill?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
I can't wait to learn more about that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
That makes even more sense now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, that makes so much more sense. When I was looking at studies on monks' brains, they found that when monks were doing the deepest meditations, if they put their hand on a hot plate, which most of us would touch and immediately take our hand back, that they were able to keep their hand on it because they're disconnected from the physical experience. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
So it didn't feel hot to them at all because they were so removed from their physical state.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And those studies have been proven and shown. And just that idea of being so deep in meditation that you didn't feel, you know, heat. And I think people, you know, it's really interesting to think about Eastern traditions. There's a beautiful statement by C.S. Lewis that says – You don't have a soul, you are the soul and you have a body.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And going to your consciousness point, that idea that because we live as if we are the body, Eastern traditions would argue that therefore we only know what the body knows. We only know our limits based on physicality. But for those of us that know we're not the body and that we're consciousness, so much more is accessible. And that's where your point around belief system and value system and...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
everything else come in that, oh, wait a minute, I'm not actually just limited by this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Had you always felt that way about all your projects before as well, that there was always this very clear...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah, I was speaking to one of my friends the other day and he was, he's very deep into AI and he was explaining to me that if you looked at an extremely, extremely below average individual in terms of IQ, Einstein was only 2.4 more times intelligent than that person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And then if you look at AI, we can't even comprehend how intelligent AI is because AI is going to be, is already a hundred times more intelligent than that, million times more intelligent, could be expansively 10 million times more intelligent than Einstein, which is bizarre to even experience and imagine because how could someone be more intelligent and have a better IQ than Einstein?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And it's just really interesting when you look at it from that dimension that I think we're already with AI experiencing something quite remarkable and quite beyond. Like it's quite phenomenal that we kind of take it as something that's to some degree becoming normalized when it's really not that normal that there are going to be. And just because we see it as computers and tech,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
But being able to understand us, being able to know our needs, being able to know what we want to hear. I've read so many articles with people now using AI as their therapist and everything else and feeling so understood.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
But that's the same kind of curiosity and openness we have to have over here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Of just being open to marvel at these incredible abilities. I don't know if that resonates or am I getting it wrong? Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Yeah. How do we make sure that it's not made quiet and put down? Because I imagine that that's, you know, a natural thing that's happened in the past as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
It's, or people are like, oh, this is bad or it's, you know, whatever. So how do we make sure that we keep asking these questions and...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
if scientists and others in the community are open to wanting to go and be with the non-speakers and be a part of this, how do we do, and how does the general public do it in a way that isn't disrespectful? Because I can imagine that testing and things could be exhausting for these individuals. They're humans. We're kind of, you know, this whole process is somewhat invasive of
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Wow. To describe for someone who doesn't know anything about this, how would you describe or explain what telepathy actually means?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
How does that feel after three and a half years of work? I'm sure like finally sharing with the world and receiving those emails yourself. And what's that experience been like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And how has it impacted your personal spiritual and consciousness journey of understanding yourself on a deeper level?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
What's the wildest thought of yours they read? When you didn't know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Gosh. Kai, is there anything that I didn't ask you that you really wanted to share or something that's on your heart or mind that you didn't get to speak on that you would like to share? Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Do you think it's possible that we will become capable or have the opportunity to become capable to communicate that way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
If you knew what someone was thinking, how would you speak differently too? I think that's the other side. One side is being able to read and maybe someone cleaning their thoughts. But if I could see what you were thinking, how would I speak to you differently? How would I look at you differently? How would I connect with you differently?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
It would transform hopefully how we'd take care of each other as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And is it mind reading, they're feeling everything from, as I've heard and seen of like numbers and places and letters, or is it also emotions and feelings? And what are we seeing that spectrum be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
That's beautiful. It's a beautiful way to live. Yeah. Yeah. That's beautiful. Kai, it has been so fascinating talking to you. Honestly, I think the work that you're doing is so inspiring and Truly, there's been very little that I think we've had to be curious about for a long time when it comes to this space.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And I really feel like you've brought something to the fore that we can all be spiritually curious about. And the questions that you're asking are so intriguing to me, then questions that I believe we all should be looking for the answers, I think.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
for a long time we've thought about physical questions like how do we make the body stronger and how do we sleep better and how do and those are really important questions I stand by that we do that a lot on this show but similarly I think we're all asking questions of like why do we exist and why am I here and you know do I really understand the abilities that I have and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
And especially for those that have been seen as, like you said, that they're not in there to realize that there is a purpose, there is a value, there is a gift, there is, of course, there is already, but inherently, but there's so much more that we don't know. And so...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
I'm so grateful for your time and energy, not just today, but for the last three and a half years of you dedicating your life to this purpose and for sharing it with me so openly and graciously with me and my audience. And I'm sure everyone, if they're not already listening to the telepathy tapes, which I'm sure they are,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
we'll go back and listen or we'll listen for the first time and and help pass it on how much can people support or connect if they want to be a part of this work with you and encourage you or even want to write to you how can they get in touch or how can they follow along
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
I hope we can stay in touch and I can ask you more questions, hear updates and continue this conversation offline as well. I feel like there's so many great spiritual conversations to be had and shared. And I can't wait to see where this works goes. So here as a supporter and cheerleader and look forward to learning lots more.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Thank you so much. If this is the year that you're trying to get creative, you're trying to build more, I need you to listen to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods that lead to success, and the secret to genuinely loving what you do. If you're trying to find your passion and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
So wait, did you reach out to Dr. Powell? How did that go?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
That's their question. Yeah. How were these parents discovering it in the first place? What was their process?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Hey, everyone. It's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Telepathy Tapes Creator Ky Dickens Reveals Shocking NEW Evidence on the Link Between Telepathy and Non-Speakers with Autism
Did Dr. Powell ever explain why this specifically existed for non-speakers?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, what was something that you didn't value about your mom at that time that now looking back, you say, no, I do value that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, it's so funny. As I was reading the book, I was reminded of... So when I graduated from college, I didn't go to my graduation ceremony because I left to become a monk. Wow. And my parents were... They were very kind in accepting of my decision, but my mother still has this feeling that she doesn't have a picture of me graduating, wearing the hat and, you know, holding my certificate.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And I remember I was having the same feeling that you were, where my mom would always say to me, oh, when I go to my friends' houses, they're telling me about all the jobs that their kids are doing and the apartment they just moved into and you're just there being a monk. Like, you know, she'd say that to me. And it was always that kind of feeling, like that sense of,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
pressure to live up to something she wanted me to do even though there was love and there was acceptance and i was wondering for you like you you said it yourself she was such a powerhouse she had such high expectations when did you feel that you reached that or do you feel you've reached that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
We'll dive into experiences designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah. Do you still feel that today, that it's almost like her voice is in your head and she's present in that way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. I was wondering, what was your biggest realization about your father from writing this book?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
What was it like finding that reply, forgetting that he had replied?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
How does that, as that relationship evolves, like it felt like when I was reading Source Code, I felt like your father was there to always save you in these moments. Like he'd pick up the phone, he'd be involved in, you know, talking to you and your friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Like he was there in these very pivotal moments that felt like almost professional support from him, of course, based on his intelligence and background as well. But it sounds like that evolved to a much more emotive, intimate space. Like what does that look like for a father and a son across all those years?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Do you remember one of the final conversations you had with him and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
There's the one phone call you described, the three words he used of, I hear you, when he was talking to the school, and that left such a strong imprint. Could you tell us why that was such a big moment for you at that time?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
If you look at it from the outside, you see Steve Jobs and yourself having this conversation competition, envy, jealousy. What was it actually like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
What would you say is the one way your mother influenced your parenting style and then your father influenced your parenting style?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
How did you reconcile that towards the end about your father's style and how did you make space for that and accept that? In that generation,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, I'd have to agree. When I was reading it too, I was thinking that, and this is what I found so interesting, Bill, when I was reading Source Code, that even though you have lived such a otherworldly life in so many ways, there were so many relatable moments from a parenting standpoint. And when I was reading it, I was thinking about my father too, who wasn't around a lot when I was younger.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
He was working, both my parents had to work. And to the point you just made right now, like my father wasn't there when I was playing rugby or he wasn't there when I was swimming for my local club or he wasn't there on the sidelines cheering. And for me, that really allowed me to become the man I wanted to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And it allowed me to have more freedom almost to not feel like there was this heavy expectation. And I've always seen that as a positive thing because it allowed me to have a broader definition of
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
what it meant to be a man what it meant to be a son what what it meant to go off and discover something that I was passionate about and so even seeing you kind of having your mother be the one who was almost you know pushing the expectation and what the family should be but then having a bit of freedom it was interesting to see how that impacted you to be able to push back to be able to you know even at one point like you said in that letter like parent him almost in his decision
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
and play that role. So it was refreshing for me to read a book about you where I was actually seeing parts of myself in certain relationships in a very relatable way. Did you ever anticipate that when you were writing it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Do you remember one of the final conversations you had with him?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
What are we getting wrong? Because it sounds like you felt maybe the computer would give people that impetus and the ability to download more and learn more. Where have we gone wrong?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Bill Gates, welcome to On Purpose. Thank you so much for this opportunity. I'm so grateful. Great to be here. I have to start by saying that when I was reading Source Code, I believe I got... an unbelievable perspective, and a deep sense of gratitude that I didn't have before for how hard it is to build code, software, and computers.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And I really feel that my generation and beyond have often taken for granted these inventions. And so I just wanted to start by saying that's what took me by surprise. And I was blown away as to the challenges of getting access to even using a computer through being given permission through to all the other battles that came with that journey, I was really, really amazed and taken aback.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
So thank you for that. How does that feel hearing that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
. . . . ., the, P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P,實, not. , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a la����. P. P. St. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
That part, I mean, the research that you did to find in this book, every time I was reading, I was just like, how do you have so much detail? I was really blown away by the level of detail, both in the storytelling, every moment, but then even there's that note that you have that says, Steve Jobs called was rude.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Absolutely. And that's what I wanted to ask you. The first question was, what would you say is the most recent invention that you've genuinely been impressed by? Because I imagine that's quite hard for you. But is there a consumer product or something that really took you by surprise and that you would say impressed you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And I was just like, you know, even just having that back then, I was laughing as I read it. And I was wondering, like, I feel like from the outside view, And naturally, and you talk about this later on in the book, how we see people as this like slither of who they are and people have a public profile and that becomes their brand.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And if you look at it from the outside, you see Steve Jobs and yourself having this competition, envy, jealousy, kind of like arch rival nemesis kind of portrayal. What was it actually like? Because in the book, it comes across much more inviting than that, as opposed to this kind of harsh rivalry.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Wow. Well, that's very humble of you as well. I mean, it's beautiful to hear. What were some of those final conversations like that you had with him that were potentially, it always felt like he was so philosophical and maybe more so in those moments?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah. Was there a memorable piece of advice or conversation where you said something to him or he said something to you that has stayed with you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, you're reminding me of something I read in Bob Iger's book where he was talking about how there was a time when Spielberg, George Lucas, they'd all sit together and then they'd watch each other's movies and give them feedback. And they all felt very confident doing that because they knew their strengths and their uniqueness. were so diverse.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And so they didn't feel threatened that, oh, well, Stephen's going to steal my idea or, you know, George Lucas is going to steal my idea because they felt so confident. And it sounds like even for yourself as competitors to talk, to have a relationship, does that still happen today? Do competitors talk? Do they pick up the phone to each other? Or was that very rare?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Because it feels like it feels definitely now so less.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah. What was some of the advice that you've given to Mark or especially earlier on his journey or even more recently?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah. It seems like, I love what you were just saying now that, you know, maybe there'll be a time when Elon turns to philanthropy and you talked about others and it, and it seems that that turning point for you is so key.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And I feel like you were one of the first, not that it wasn't done before, but one of the first to do it in a really big way to be able to move away from this big company that you founded, world-changing, uh,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
um generation changing and then turning to that and that service element to me i was intrigued as to why do you believe that that's almost where every one of these people need to go like why is it that you believe that turning to a life of service and giving back is cool for elon or whoever else it may be well it's pretty insane this is a world where somebody can have
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, I think it's absolutely brilliant because I was really fortunate when I went out and lived as part of my time as a monk in India, we helped put together a, well, the monks were doing it already, but I got to be a part of it, helped build a daily food distribution service in India that feeds a million kids a day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And it was all in exactly what you're saying, like to help the malnutritioned children and And now they're even trying to figure out how much protein to have in it, like trying to figure out the actual composition as well. And I remember seeing that so early in my life, like I would have gone out there first time in my teens and then later on when I became a monk in my early twenties.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
But the reason I raise it is because I think it goes back to what the point you made earlier about motivation. And one thing I've really been trying to figure out with the right partner recently is how when I grew up, I remember my dad used to read The Rich List. And he'd have The Rich List like the Sunday Times or whatever it was.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And so as a kid, I would see my dad and on the back of it would be The Rich List. And I was thinking, how incredible would it be if kids grew up with a service list? And how would that change motivation? Because I feel we repeat what we reward. And I feel like we've never really seen that case study yet up until maybe, you know,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
your case study and the people that are following with the Giving Pledge, that service becomes a natural part of life at that scale. I think we see it in smaller communities. You see people with very little actually doing so much, but you don't necessarily see it at that level. And so I find that changing that drive and motivation early on
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
which it seems like your mother had for you, your impact of faith had in you, I think that could be huge. I don't know what you think about people seeing a service list instead of a rich list or whatever the right word is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Absolutely. And as you were saying, discovering your potential was something that really happened for you on a lot of hikes that you went on in the book. And I loved learning about how being outdoors was such an integral part of your childhood and growing up. And I was wondering if you could go on any hike in the world, anywhere right now, where would it be? Where would you choose to be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, I think that's such a brilliant lesson and wonderful one to pass on. I think it was Trump who mentioned recently that you'd asked to see him to have a discussion. Did that meeting ever happen?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah. What do you see as the moral purpose of the United States in the way you mentioned it just now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, that's such a good point. I didn't actually think of that, but you're right. It didn't come up at all. Yeah, that's fascinating. I mean, how do you prepare for something like that? It would need to be surrounded by the right people and having the parties...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, it's interesting because as you talk about social media there, I think Mark Zuckerberg on Joe Rogan was saying that they are taking away their fact checkers and I believe X is doing something similar. What was your take on that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And how do you see your role in that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Wow. Wow. Is it just a lack of time or?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, I mean, you've raised such a good point there. Even this idea, I loved what you said, that you said you wish your generation could have figured out how to not have these extreme polarizing conversations, but actually find this healthy middle ground, whether that be through algorithms, whether that be through how we use technology. What is it that... Why do we keep doing that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
It almost feels like that's a repeated mistake where we come across... this horizon of this new world, new technology, new ideas, but then we always use it for almost the same thing or something that feels insignificant compared to what it could do. Where are we going wrong? Why can't we get that right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, I think on a global level, it requires what you were saying. And on a personal level, it requires us to almost be able to evaluate, assimilate, assess, have self-awareness, allow for self-reflection, space for the things we don't have time for anymore. I was looking into something called the third space theory and how in the past you had your home, you had work,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
And then you had church or temple or community center. And how those three spaces, that third space was a place you could look back on home and work and say, oh, I could treat my wife a little bit better or I could have spoken to my colleague a bit better. And that third space allowed that time and energy where it was all about reflecting on how you could improve.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
But today we've lost three spaces into two into one where we work from home, live at home, and the screen is our third space. And so that lack of having a physical space or building that gives you permission to step back from your whole life, not play a role there, and actually purvey what's going on in your life. We've lost that. Yeah, that's a shame.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah, there's so much conversation today, I feel, about work-life balance. Do you think that that sacrifice and that dedicated time was necessary for the levels of success or would it have been possible in another way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
If you're going through something right now with your partner or someone you're seeing, this is the episode for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
One of your favorite quotes that I've always loved is you've said, we overestimate what we can do in one year and we underestimate what we can do in 10 years. At the beginning, did you overall underestimate yourself?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
You mentioned your parents earlier. And when I was reading this book, I felt like they are such a big part of this book and the storytelling and the incredible experiences and memories. And one of the things you mentioned is you say that they felt that they accepted that you were different from your peers. And I was wondering in what way, how did you know that they'd seen that and accepted that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah. What influence do you think Dr. Cressy actually had on you? Because therapy at that time and in your early age, looking back on it now, what do you feel it gave you? What skills did it give you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my on-purpose podcast live and in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Yeah. And did he also had these beautiful ways of you said he never belittled you. And I believe he used to mention to you, you're going to win or he wanted you to win. And I feel like that's what, what did those things do? Because it's almost like you're saying he made you have this, almost this realization that you were wrong, but it seemed like he did it in a very graceful, elegant way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Bill Gates: The Untold Story of Who Bill Gates REALLY Is
Like how did, how did he do that? Absolutely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
I absolutely love it. I love it. I love the acronym. I love how simple and... formulaic it is for us to be able to actually measure what's going wrong. And I'm fortunate and very grateful and knock on wood, sleep very, very well and generally always have. But whenever I have had disturbances in my sleep, I can easily pinpoint it to something you've said.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And that shows me how great the model is because as someone who is lucky and fortunate enough to have great sleep, When I have been disrupted, it's always been related either to caffeine, to stress and anxiety. I can easily draw the parallels because it's such a rare occurrence. And so I can see why and when. I want to dive into each of those.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Let's start with sleep apnea because I think that's something a lot of us don't actually know enough about. And so I love the fact that people can use the app SnoreLab, as you mentioned. How many people actually struggling with sleep apnea don't even know about it? And what is actually happening if you have sleep apnea?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
That's crazy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Yeah. Thank you so much for giving such practical tips as to how we can check as well. And I hope everyone who's listening and watching, please go do that because the fact that 80% of people may not have a clue is, And that could be the secret behind better sleep is crazy to me that we haven't uncovered it for 80% of people. That's huge.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
That's crazy. Please welcome Matt.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Let's take a short break to hear from our sponsors.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And let's get back to our episode. It sounds like you're saying that sleep is that number one domino that then naturally helps all of the others. And I've had everything that you just said. I... For the past six weeks, I've been in LA, which is rare in terms of I haven't traveled, I haven't jumped on a plane. I've been in one place.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And because of that, I've been able to really dial in on everything from sleep, working out, eating right, because I've had no reason to have an error because I've been at home.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And, you know, when you travel, you may be whatever, right? You eat something that wasn't great. It's hard. Yeah, you're in a hotel room, whatever it may be. I've been here for six weeks. I've been on a phenomenal schedule. Last week, I was only gone for like... four hours away. I took a three hour flight, took a three hour flight back. I was gone for like four to six hours in total.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And I landed back at 4am, which is rare for me. I don't do that. I usually sleep by 9.30pm. I'm a morning person for sure. And I got back at 4am. I tried to get some sleep. I probably got up at 8am because that's all I could sleep at that time. I got in a workout, but I had to tell my trainer to lower my level of workout because I was more tired than I've felt for a long time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And I actually felt weaker. So I've been feeling really strong across the last six weeks, but I felt weaker. I was like, I don't think I can lift that much today. I'm not feeling up to it. On top of that, all my sugar cravings went through the roof that day. Isn't it interesting?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And you notice it so significantly when you're at the other end where you're like, oh wait, I haven't needed refined sugar for like weeks on end now, but this one day, all I'm craving is fats and sugars and that's all I'm after. And I did give in and I was okay about it. But it's so interesting to feel it that abruptly and that extremely. And you're so right. I wanted the sugars.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
I wanted the fats. I wanted, I couldn't work out as well. All of it makes a difference.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
It sounds like you're saying that sleep is that number one domino that then naturally helps all of the others.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
At what point?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
For sure. So what's the, you said earlier, we should be eating three hours before we go to bed. What's the ideal meal type three hours before we go to bed? A, so that we don't get hungry just before we go to bed. And B, because I also understand that the digestive process can actually make sleeping much harder.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And so what should we be trying to digest in those three hours that keeps us full and doesn't disrupt our sleep?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed, three of the most important priorities in our lives. Today's guest is someone that I've been wanting to speak to for a long, long time about a subject that I believe is critical to our health, happiness, and healing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Yeah, no, it's so important to hear about all the versions of it because I do think sometimes... When you hear, oh yeah, you can eat up until the last hour, you'll be fine. It's so different to, well, how do I get into performing at my best and feeling at my best? And when you're already struggling with the quality of sleep, every minute kind of factor is going to make a difference.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And it's just, yeah, I'm really happy that you've gone into the detail there of like, why is it that we're saying three hours or what does that look like? As I was hearing you speak, I was just thinking about just how hard it's become for people to regulate their lives and manage this. I know in some cultures, it's just so natural to eat really late before you go to bed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
How much does eating a late meal also push back your time of wanting to go to sleep or is there no correlation there?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Today I get to speak to Matthew Walker, a sleep expert scientist, author, podcast host, and professor of neuroscience at UC Berkeley. Translated in 40 different languages, his best-selling book, Why We Sleep, explores the goal to reunite humanity with sleep. Matthew's work has shaped public understanding of how a simple thing like sleep impacts memory, aging, and disease prevention.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Yeah, thank you so much. As you were talking, you mentioned melatonin. And I was thinking about obviously the rise in melatonin gummies, melatonin supplements, I guess you could take before going to bed. And then you also have sleeping pills. Walk us through what's in sleeping pills versus melatonin gummies or the sort. And what's your take on both?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Please welcome to On Purpose, Matthew Walker. Matt, it's great to have you here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
What's your take on the fact that when we're taking these, I guess, artificial supplements of melatonin, that it depletes our body's ability to make it and regulate it at the right times that we actually need it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
I love it. I love it. Matthew, let's dive straight in because there's so much to decipher with you. And I want to start off by asking you, how much sleep do we actually need?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Yeah, it's so worrying because I think we've got so used to treating our brain and our mind like technology and this desire to just switch it on and off, power up, power down, power on, power off. it's almost like you don't ever really stop to think what's happening in order for that to happen.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And I know I didn't for a long time where I grew up and you just pop a, well, paracetamol from where we're from, but I grew up in the US and you've got a headache, just take this, it's gone. You can't sleep, take this, you fall asleep. And you're not really recognizing what's happening at a chemical level and how many consequences there are and what's actually happening beneath the scenes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And I think it's so easy to forget Because it's giving you the instant thing that you want in that moment. But the kind of circuitry that it's kicking off or closing down has far more long-term consequences that, like you said, we're not even aware of. It's sad and hard and difficult that... wanting to get these natural things to happen that we are naturally wired to do, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
These chemicals are being naturally produced and there are natural things we can do to boost those chemicals within ourselves that will hopefully get us to go to sleep, as you talked about, like seeing light first thing in the morning. being outdoor more, reducing blue light in the evening, reducing exposure to junk light, as you called it, in the evening.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
I've definitely seen that one make a big difference. I'm someone who generally loves light. I really like being in bright places. And my wife's the opposite. She's very much like wants to follow the sun. And so when it's dark, she'll be like, all the lights have to be off in the house.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And recently when we've been watching our shows, we've been watching our shows in total darkness, apart from the screen, obviously. And it's so natural for both of us to just feel tired earlier. And we'll be like, all right, time to go to bed. And we don't have our screen in our bedroom. And so we'll finish watching whatever we're watching.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And sometimes we're both even like, you can tell we're just falling asleep while watching. We figure it out, turn it off and go to our bed and we're out to sleep. And just simply, completely making it dark in the evening has had a huge, huge impact on me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
But first, here's a quick word from the brands that support the show.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
All right. Thank you to our sponsors. Now let's dive back in. I love what the advice you gave for people who are struggling with insomnia. For someone who's waking up, they go to sleep for three hours, but then they're up. They finally put themselves back to sleep after an hour and a half and they sleep for maybe another three hours and then they're back up again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
For that person, what's the most helpful way for them to be able to fall back asleep in that moment? So we've talked about the roots of the issues and the core from the acronym, but what about that person who's just like, I just want to know how to get back to sleep for another three, four hours if I could. What's the quickest way I can do that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Great advice. Thank you so much. I love how tactical and practical you are. It's so helpful. If there's anyone who's listening to this episode right now and you have a friend or a family member who's struggling with sleep, please pass this episode on because I've never heard someone make it that granular as you are. Honestly, it's so brilliant and it's so helpful because...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
it's so easy to get philosophical about these ideas. And we all understand how important sleep is and how much we need it. And, and, you know, I can hear everyone going, yeah, but what do I do? And, and, and you're really, you've created a map for people. So thank you so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
No, it's coming across. Great. I want to move on to talk about caffeine and coffee. You spoke earlier, you said we should be having our last cup of coffee or caffeine at 10 to 12 hours before we go to bed. And when I was listening to that, I was like, I think a lot of people are not doing that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Like from what, at least from the conversations I'm having, I think people are having it much closer to bed or they're having so much that it's affecting their bed. If you had to tell people just a couple of things about caffeine or coffee and sleep, what would you want them to know?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Yeah, absolutely. Huge. And the other thing you mentioned at this point of the... The acronym is alcohol. And you were talking about how just the negative effects of alcohol in terms of that disruption of our sleep. If there were a couple of things you wanted people to know about alcohol and sleep, what would they be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
No, I'm kidding. Before we dive into the next moment, let's hear from our sponsors.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And back to our episode. Like you said, I think it's so easy for human, just ideas that become prevalent in human society that we just take as being normal or habits and practices that become normalized over a certain period of time. And we just start operating like it's normal, it's okay, it's accepted, and not really realizing what's going on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And I'm also of the spirit of we should enjoy life and appreciate life and everything else. But I think to really appreciate life, it means to know
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
what works for you and what doesn't and what helps you and what doesn't yeah and and to really recognize the value of the impact of that because i think it's really easy to be like oh yeah well you know let's just see how things go and then all of a sudden you hear about a family member or a friend who gets a diagnosis and then that's when it kind of really hits you yeah and i've had that far too often where i've had friends and family members at young ages diagnosed with things and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And it's consistent with a habit. And by the way, sometimes someone gets something and it's got nothing to do with their habits and it's bad luck and it's everything else. And both of those are positions to be compassionate and empathetic. But I think when it comes to ourselves, I look at it and go, I would like it to not be my own fault. If it happens from something beyond me, great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
But if I can avoid it by taking responsibility and accountability for my health, then that's probably a good play and a good way to live.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
It's brilliant. Matt, I think you are the best PR agent that Steve could ever ask for. I think your method of communication, the empathy and compassion that comes with it, the lack of judgment, and at the same time, waking us up to the reality, which I think is an important part of the narrative.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
comes across extremely clearly uh and i'm so grateful and i hope you'll come back on many many times i would like to deepen this discussion to extend it there's so much we didn't even get to today but we end every on purpose episode with a final five and these have to be answered in one word or one sentence maximum but i know i'm going to break that rule with you already uh so the first question is what is the best sleep advice you've ever heard received or given
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
I love it. Question number two, what's the worst sleep advice you've ever heard, received or given?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Yeah, so you just have to get into a good rhythm and a good pattern and invest in it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Question number three, what does bad sleep do to your mental health?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Why? Why is that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
If you love your family, the best thing you can do is get a good night's sleep.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
I mean, I experienced that all the time. I know what I can be like if I haven't had a good night's sleep. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Yeah. Can you shift your sleep tendency? But if people want to, if someone said, Matt, that makes so much sense. I've been a night owl my whole life, but I just feel like I should be trying to sleep early and wake up early. It would be better for my partner. It would be better for my lifestyle, better for my kids, whatever it is. Can you shift your type?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Sleep affects our emotional relationships, our intimacy, everything. Question number four. I have something in my mind. I was going to ask you, what have you seen as being a surprising connection that's connected to sleep? Something that sleep impacts that surprised you? Something a bit that we might not have heard of?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Yeah, that is a surprise. I was not expecting that. Fifth and final question we ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show, Matt. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Why? Why?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
better as a result in truth though that's probably me just holding a mirror up to myself to your question beautiful uh matt thank you so much for your incredible work uh incredible sharing of insights today and i really hope you'll come back for another episode because i have another million questions to ask you uh thank you so much i'm so grateful for your time and energy
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
I hope everyone who's been listening and watching back at home, at work, whether you're on a hike, whether you're with your dog, whether you're driving right now, wherever you are, I hope that you will find it possible to try some, just one, even if you just try one of Matt's suggestions today, I really truly believe your life will change.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
And as Matt said, it will impact all other areas of our lives. Please prioritize your sleep. and watch how your life changes. Thank you so much, Matt.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Well, thank you, Matt. That's extremely gracious and kind. Genuinely that touched my heart. Thank you so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
If you loved this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on how to change your life by changing your brain.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Yeah, absolutely. If you're someone who's waking up tired regularly, like right now someone's listening and they're just like, Jay and Matt, I wake up every day and I'm just tired and I'm trying to get the right amount of sleep, but I'm still figuring it out. Where do I start? What would you encourage them to look at?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Yeah, let's focus on that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Sleep Expert Matthew Walker: Do THIS to Sleep Through The Night And Never Wake Up Tired Again
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Entrepreneur, investor. She's bought over 26 businesses. Cody Sanchez. I have no money. I don't really know too much about money. Where do I start? What do I do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah, you got my attention already.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Absolutely. I fully agree. Let's say someone's 30 years old. Yeah. Or 30 to 35. They work 10, 15 years after graduating. They've been at the same company. Maybe they've moved once. I was actually talking to someone like this yesterday. She's been at this one company for six years. It's a great company. Great on her resume.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
But she's like, I don't really want to be here. I don't think this is where I see my future. But I'm so scared of quitting. I don't know how to invest. I probably didn't save that much anywhere. Now I feel bad about it. I'm probably feeling a bit of shame and guilt that I didn't save that much over the last 10 years. What would I do, Cody?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
You're literally opening up a whole new doorway for people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my on-purpose podcast live and in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
We'll dive into experiences designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me and get yours today. Yeah, definitely. I'm so happy to hear such like,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. I'm fascinated by our relationships with things that we grew up with, how they've changed, how they've evolved, or how they've stayed the same. I believe that our relationship with money is is probably one of the most underestimated relationships that we have.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
smart honest advice because I do think you're so right for so long we keep telling everyone like follow your passion like just quit your job like jump over and you know it's it's hard because like you said that business may not work your skills may be better off here you might not be an entrepreneur you might be someone who's gonna work with an entrepreneur and build I wanted to address something though I do find a lot of leaders and a lot of founders of small businesses or up-and-coming businesses to also be quite
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
resistant to recognizing the value of sharing. So I'll give an example of what I mean by this. Like when I was starting out, I remember speaking to people who were much more established than I was. And I said, hey, I've got a person I'm going to work with. I'm going to split things 75-25. And they're going to get 25% of profits.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
I'm going to keep 75 because they have a skill set I don't have and it will be complimentary. And I remember everyone telling me it was a really bad idea because Because they're like, Jay, like, no, you're building a platform. You should own 100% of it. And I was like, but no, they're going to manage stress for me. They're going to manage teams. I want to see them grow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
I want them to feel like they've got skin in the game. And now, you know, eight years later since that decision, I'm so much happier. And I have a great relationship with one of my business partners. We have a great relationship. He's as invested as he was then. Things have grown really well. And I'm like, the people that were trying to hold on to that last five to 10% actually haven't grown.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And so it was really interesting to me though, that I see that again and again and again, where even founders and new leaders are actually scared of parting with something. How would you encourage them to think about that differently?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Oh, great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And it's probably one of the relationships that we pay the least attention to. We don't treat it like a relationship, we don't think of it like a relationship, and therefore it falls into the binary category of I'm either good at it or I'm bad at it. Today's guest has some incredible insights for each and every one of us. Wherever you are in your financial journey, this episode is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
I'm so glad you're giving this advice. It's great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Well, I've never thought about it like that. Set price versus taking a price. And I love your mindful habits on mitigating risk in a business relationship, both sides. I think it's, I'm glad that you laid it out that way because I completely agree with you, the amount of business relationships that have challenges and issues and everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
I want to go back a few moments to when you were saying you were stuck for 12 years and And the reason I want to talk about that is because now when I see you and whether someone sees you online or writing your book or you're on all these awesome podcasts and you're talking so confidently and you're so clear, but to hear that you had doubt and it took you a long time to get over it,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Walk me through what was going on in your mind during that 24-month period, 12-month period before you actually managed to quit. What was going inside Cody's head?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Me too. That's why I'm asking.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Today's guest is Cody Sanchez. Thank you. I'm blushing. I'm excited to be here. I want to start with a question that I know you probably get a million times and I get all the time. Jay, I have no money. I don't really know too much about money. Where do I start? What do I do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah, absolutely. And I think there's plenty of good examples, as you said, of entrepreneurs. And I think it's more a mindset thing. What I'm hearing from you is it's getting skin in the game. It's negotiating well. It's being an owner, right? Like that's really what I'm hearing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And I think if people take those three things away from what we've talked about so far, that's what you want to put your attention to rather than this idea of, oh, I've got to start a business. I've got to become an entrepreneur. I've got to learn how to invest. It's like, no, no, no, this is it. This is what it is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
The end of Daybreak, Eyes of Love was supposed to have been followed up by another album.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah. How do you have that conversation with your boss?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah. I wanted you to talk about the difference between what you just said and how we cultivate that mindset, because you're so right. I know a lot of people, a lot of friends as well, they'll look at someone who's doing well for themselves and they'll be like, that guy's so dumb. Like I could do that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
I could do that with my eyes closed, but it's actually in a condescending way to that person rather than like, oh, that guy can do it. Oh, great. Okay. Well, I've got this skill. I went to, I can do it, you know? And so what is that mindset shift? Because I think we're good at looking at other people, but often we either fall prey to being envious instead of studious of them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Like instead of studying them, we envy them. Or we end up being condescending of them of like, oh, well, you know, he's not even that smart or they're not even, it's not even that great, right? We kind of justify that. So how do you shift that? Because I think that's at the core of what you're saying.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
So smart.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
That's genius. That's actually the best mentorship advice I think I've ever heard. Because I think so many of us, when we want someone to be our mentor, the first mistake is we ask them to be our mentor.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Exactly. Or what if I don't have time? What if I can't respond? Like that's the natural reaction. Right. And same with me. I've always had mentors that don't know they're my mentors. It's the only way. But what I love about your advice, which I've never ever heard before, is also how you asked for advice. I think the second mistake. So the first mistake we say is, can you be my mentor?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
The second mistake we make is we send a whole life story. That's true.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
with one like really big profound question so it's like i went from this then i did this then i dropped out then i did this then i did this how do i discover my purpose and it's like and it's like the person on the other side has no idea how to compute all of that algorithmically and give you a really profound answer back that they genuinely believe will help you which means they probably won't respond or if they don't respond it will be extremely short
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And then you'll feel disgruntled and upset that they didn't value your whole life story. And then now you probably lose touch. Whereas your advice was just so perfect because the idea that you were sending them their own work with a couple of highlights, one sentence question, one piece of insight. And then that person, like you said, becomes invested in your life. That is such great advice, Cody.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
I really, really mean that. I've never heard mentorship advice better than that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah, definitely. And I want to add what you were saying earlier as well, this idea of you have to act on the advice. And I think there's a lot of requesting of advice. There's a lot of looking for answers. But being a great mentee is taking the advice, putting it into action, and then reporting the result and saying, hey, I took your advice. This is as you were saying.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And I think that's so core to what was different about mentorship, where like you're saying now in this TikTok, Instagram world, I think there's just so much advice everywhere. that we're not really getting the opportunity to digest it, put it into practice and then report on it as well. And I love your idea of gratitude.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
I mean, I remember when I joined a company as an intern years ago and I was only there for like a summer internship, but they put up the pictures of the founders of the company And then they were like, yeah, but we don't care about them. They're old guys anyway. And I remember, I was just like, wow, that's really ungrateful because none of us would be here right now if it wasn't for them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And yes, they're not alive anymore. And yes, that was a long time ago, but I fully agree with you. And also you just don't know when you're on the way up, when you're on the way down. Your mentors generally, if they're older than you in the beginning, even if you become more successful than them materially, I believe they have so much more spiritual wisdom to give you over time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Like I've got mentors same way who helped me out when I was in my late twenties and they Today, they're so much more helpful when they talk to me about what it feels like being a dad. Like I'm not a dad right now, but he's been a dad and his kids are in their mid-20s and he has a great relationship with them. I'm like, I'm not there at that level.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
So mentorship also takes across not just financial, but relationships, you know, emotionally, mentally, there's so many other areas.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
So leaving someone behind is terrible advice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah, well said. I want to dive into the heart of this book because what made it so unique for me is I don't think I've ever heard anyone really talk about buying ordinary businesses. And that's the crux of so much of your work and why it's different and how you're getting people to think differently about ownership.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
You had this video that I remember watching that got like 11 million views talking about this vending machine business. Like what are some of the most unusual businesses you've seen people make money from? Because I think it goes back to what we were speaking about earlier. We're all after this sexy, shiny money. And most people are making loads of money through really unsexy, random things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Vending machines being a case in point. Walk us through some of the most unusual businesses you've discovered people making money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
you're literally opening up a whole new doorway for people. Like, I don't think I've...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
ever even thought about it like it's it's so far off from what i think we were all trained to believe would make us successful safe stable wealthy like you're not you're not thinking about these areas and therefore like you said they're not very competitive there's there's not a lot of new entrants in there when i hear you say that the thing that comes to my mind is what skills are
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
and talents do people need to be able to run those businesses? How much industry knowledge do they need? What business skills are core and important? Because I think the mistake is, again, with the kind of world we live in right now, it's someone goes, I love what Cody's saying. I get it. I'm going to go buy vending machines.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And then all of a sudden you've got a garage full of like 20 vending machines and you don't know what to do with them because you don't understand business. So what business, core business skills are needed and what should we be developing in order to run any of these businesses?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
The end of Daybreak, Eyes of Love was supposed to have been followed up by another album.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah, you shared a statistic with me that I thought was mind-blowing that 62% of Americans don't want to talk about money. That is so scary, but it's also not surprising because like you just said, we've created this narrative that money is the root of all evil.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And it was so fascinating because someone actually said this to me where if you look up the actual reference, it says love of money is the root of all evil.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah. Yeah. And you might make some mistakes along the way. Oh, you will. Yeah, for sure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
How do you find someone who wants to sell a business? Because, yeah, I feel like that would be my next question of like, how do I even know someone? How do I find someone? Because it must be going great for them. Why would they sell it to me? Especially when I maybe know nothing about owning a hair salon or vending machines or whatever it may be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah, a lot. I bet a lot. A lot, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
No way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Absolutely. Yeah, no, I had a really interesting experience of this last, maybe a couple of years ago. I was in a store that curates beautiful sets of books. And that's not what they do professionally. They sell clothes, but they also have books in the store. And I walked in there and I was... I love, I really enjoy books and I enjoy collecting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And so I was looking around and these were all like new books. They're all newly published. They're beautiful. And I bought a ton and they were just like, and then one person at that store just said to me, oh, by the way, like, do you love books? I was like, yeah. And I was like, I'm really looking for vintage books though. It'd be cool to own some like antique books and things like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And she said, well, oh, there's this random store around the corner. And it's like a printing press, like an old school binding book. But I've seen books in there before. Why don't you go check it out? So I literally go walk into this book. And basically, actually, first of all, I walk outside. It looks like no one operates it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
it looks completely run down uh you wouldn't walk past it and think oh cool shop you'd walk past and not even you'd think no one no one's inside it so i'm kind of looking around i'm like knocking on the door just to see i do see some books and this this lady opens the door and she's got like an old school binding press in there an old school you know all the old school tools that how books were bound in the past and then she's got this bookshelf and i said oh i heard you might sell books and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Like, could I take a look? And she was like, oh no, I just have these books because I got divorced a few years back. My husband owned a bookstore. He left me with like 50,000 books or something crazy. And she goes, most of them are at home, but there's probably like, I don't know, a thousand here or whatever it is. You can take whatever you want. And I was like, I'm happy to pay you, but sure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
So I spent like two, three hours and I was like getting really, you know, I loved it. It was like, it was literally like being inside of a secret cave of books and I was like finding all this stuff. So I got a stack of maybe like 20 books and I was like, hey, look, I'd love to pay you for them. Like, you know, I'm good for it and I'm grateful that you've even allowed me in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And I forced her a little bit. She finally took some money. And then there was one book while she was going through and she was like, I've been looking for this book for like five years. And she goes, I can't sell this one to you. And I was like, sure, like I'm never going to, you know, have it, whatever. Anyway, I come home and I started checking all these books out online.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
They were all worth like at least $100 each. I probably paid like $5 to $10 each for them. And it was just a really good example to me of like this random place that, And I wanted the book, so I kept them. But it was just this random place that was like this treasure trove of all of this great material.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And had someone wanted to go in and buy 50,000 books and sell them online or sell them anywhere, there was a real business there. And it was a very simple example of just how easy it was to come across something that I wasn't even looking for it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
So well said. Cody, I'm so happy that you're breaking this down for everyone because I think it's such a... it's just not what I'm hearing. It's not what people are talking about. It's not the, it's not the, and I'm glad because it's not the get rich quick solution either. It's not the, hey, you can be really rich in 12 months and not worry about anything and that kind of thing. I wish.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah, yeah, you wish. And I think I really appreciate you nailing it by just saying it's grit, right? That's what's required. That's deeply required. What's a skill that you think, you wish you'd known you had to develop at the beginning of this journey that you learned too late.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah. What about people right now who are looking at the situation and just like, the economy is in a bad place. We're super worried. Paint us a picture of where America is right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Cody, you are awesome and I love that advice and I think everyone who's listened and watched this episode now has a game plan of how to negotiate something at their workplace, figure out how to invest in a company or a small business. to recognize if you're at that place, if I just want to get over the fear that I'm bad at math or that money is bad.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And I can't wait for everyone to dive into Main Street Millionaire. This is the book that Cody's got out right now. I want you to go grab a copy if you've enjoyed today's discussion. This is one of those books that I hope you read with your friends, share insights. Maybe you invest in something together, build something together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
It's a great book to pass on to a family member or a friend who's been struggling with money, thinking about it. Please do not hesitate with this because it's so easy to keep pushing money off and keep having it be a source of anxiety in your life. And I think Cody's broken it down and make it really simple based on how to overcome your fears and go create something brilliant.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
So Cody, thank you for putting your heart and soul into this work. And we end every episode of On Purpose with a final five. These are a fast five where you have to answer each question in one word to one sentence maximum. So Cody Sanchez, these are your final five. The first question is, what is the best financial advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Let's, let's go off piece for a second on that, because I think we didn't touch on that. If you want to raise investment for people who want to gain investment, maybe you've got a cool new idea. Maybe you've been tinkering, someone got a deck. What, what, what should you have if you're going to go and ask for someone's money?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Great answer. No, I think it's really important for people to know because I think so many times we just kind of turn up and hope.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah. And I think sometimes we're so... focused on convincing someone that we have the best idea and not focused on convincing someone we understand how to execute it. And I think anyone who's looking to give you money is looking to whether they think you can execute it. Because I hear good ideas all the time. The best investors in the world hear amazing ideas all the time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And ideas are just not the thing that works. Like, you know, you always talk about like Google was like the 21st search engine. Like they weren't the first search engine. It wasn't a unique idea. It was just that they had a great way of executing and why they've evolved into this mega, mega, mega business now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
That's great. Second question. What is the worst financial advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Question number three, the best $500 investment you ever made? Ooh. Or $2,000, $500, $2,000.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Great. Question number four, the biggest waste of money you've ever spent. Not the amount, but like something that was all complete waste.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Let's side note on that too. How does, we talked a bit about it before too, but for someone who's like thinking about finding the right business partner, knowing whether you can trust someone, obviously you never know anything. We talked about it. Like, How do you set yourself up for success beyond the negotiation that we discussed?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah, well said. Fifth and final question. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Take your time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
I love it. Cody Sanchez, the book's called Main Street Millionaire. Everyone, make sure you follow Cody on social media. If you don't already, subscribe on YouTube, follow on Instagram, TikTok, get the book. Cody, I hope you'll come on many, many more times. It was amazing talking to you. Honestly, you've opened my mind. I'm sure you've blown everyone else's mind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And I want to thank you for doing the work you do and really appreciate how practical, tactical, and accessible that you're making this world of money that's been so hidden and kept aside. So thank you so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
I just want to say that I've appreciated you so deeply offline. And your work online, of course, speaks for itself. It's been so successful and congratulations. And so to be able to dive into this theme with you that I think is so important for the world right now is a real blessing. So thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
I love it. Thanks, Cody. Yay. That was awesome. Thank you so much for listening to this conversation. If you enjoyed it, you'll love my chat with Adam Grant on why discomfort is the key to growth and the strategies for unlocking your hidden potential. If you know you want to be more and achieve more this year, go check it out right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah. What are some of the mistakes that you think we think about what makes money? Like what are we thinking makes money right now where we're being distracted? We're actually small businesses where you're pointing the spotlight.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
But what are we distracted by?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah. I want to look at three scenarios of our audience and where they sit and look at what your advice would be for them at that point. So let's say we have a listener who just graduated from college. What should they be doing first? What should they be thinking about right now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
Yeah, and I think what's really interesting though is when you're talking about improving of skills, I think when we graduate college, you think that that was the skill, like that your degree was the investment in the skill, but really what you're talking about are high value skills, talents, abilities that actually make an impact in a workplace. And those are really different.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And so I'd meet a lot of young people who sadly have spent so much money on their degree, are really smart academically, But then that skill doesn't translate into knowing how to make their company more money, knowing how to lead people really well, knowing how to build functions, systems, processes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Codie Sanchez: How to Make Money if You Don’t Have Money (4 Step Process to Make Money Today)
And therefore it's like, well, wait a minute, I just studied all these years, but it doesn't translate.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Don't realize that whatever experience you can't empathize with, you might have to experience it. I have noticed this time and time again, where when I've not been able to empathize with someone's experience that I've not experienced, life brings that experience into my life for me to experience it. All of a sudden, I can fully empathize with them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
I was talking about this with a friend the other day because we were speaking about someone in our life who had been diagnosed with a particular condition. And so many of our friends just couldn't understand. So many of our friends just couldn't understand why they were so stressed about it. The results came okay. The surgery went well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
And I said, you have no idea of that trauma that that person's carrying now. That worry, that anxiety that comes with it. It's not just about the diagnosis. It's about the interpretation that comes with it. And what I've realized is everyone has a challenge in their life that no one tries to understand apart from themselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
And therefore, when someone we know is going through something we don't understand, don't judge it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
empathize with it but when we talk about other people like can you believe it they're overreacting to this can you believe it their life is so easy can you believe it they have so much money why are they worried about this can you believe it that they already have children why should they be upset if they've had a miscarriage like these are really the things people say
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
It's really sad that we lose our ability to empathize with others when we talk about them without them being in the room. Don't say something about someone that you wouldn't say when they're not in the room. If you wouldn't say something with someone being able to listen to your conversation, don't say it about them when they're not in that conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
And the truth is sometimes we think, oh, I would say this to someone. Maybe you would, but you wouldn't in that tone. You wouldn't in that way. You wouldn't with that energy. You wouldn't say it to them with that kind of take. It would be said with more sensitivity. It would be said with more empathy. It would be said in a much more conscious, loving, thoughtful way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Think about that before you talk about anyone else because that drains our energy and it drains the purity that you have within you. When we lose our compassion, we judge ourselves harsher. When we lose our empathy... We experience things that force us to be empathetic. Think about that extremely deeply.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Another reason why talking about others with other people creates a superiority complex and drains our energy is that it actually hides our deep seated feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. So rather than us saying, yeah, you know what? I'm really struggling with that. I want to be better than that. I want to do better than that. We actually hide how we really feel beneath all of that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
So when we're saying that, oh, can you believe it that so-and-so's husband didn't take them on a vacation? Can you believe it that so-and-so's partner didn't turn up to their birthday party? Whatever it is, we're actually triggered by that because there's some truth in it for our own life. We're feeling inadequate in our relationship. We're feeling insecure in our career.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. It has been such a brilliant start to the year. I am loving seeing how engaged you are, how connected you are, how many episodes you're listening to, how many you're sharing with your community and It's incredible to see your dedication to personal growth and self-improvement in 2025. Thank you for showing up for yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
But instead of addressing that, instead of really getting to the root of that, instead of being cognizant of that, we hide away beneath feelings about other people. We hide away just thinking, oh, well, everything's okay for us. But the truth is there's a part of us that's really yearning for seeking that validation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Instead of letting this insecurity be hidden away, it can become so powerful when we acknowledge it and say, you know what? I'm actually going to work on this part of my life. You know what? I'm going to take accountability and responsibility for this in my life. So how do we do that? The first thing we need to do is become aware.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
aware of when we talk negatively about other people, aware of who we do it with. I'm sure you'll find a pattern. We generally talk about other people with the same people and we talk about them negatively in the same areas. So the first thing is to become aware. Who do we talk about? Who do we talk about them with? That's the first step. Who do we talk about and who do we talk about them with?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
And start connecting with how it's draining your energy. Start becoming conscious of how it's draining your energy. We have to become really aware of how we feel drained after those conversations, during those conversations. Maybe you get off a call and you realize you've been on that call for 52 minutes. And you go, wow, I could have done something with that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Maybe you get off that call and you feel dirty and a bit filthy talking about that person. Maybe you get off that call and you feel guilty. Maybe you get off that call and you actually just feel bad about yourself. And then that leads to low self-esteem, which loses motivation and moving on. First, become aware of who you talk about and who you talk about them with.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
The second thing I want you to become aware of is is what does this show about you? What area of your life are you not addressing and becoming aware of because you're talking about other people's problems? Often when we're talking about other people's marriage problems, it's because we want to address something in our own marriage.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
When we spend our time talking negatively about other people's career challenges, it's because we want to address something in our workplace. This is the second step. Once you become aware, address what it is that you're feeling insecure about.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
That you're feeling anxious about Where is it in your life That talking about someone else is making you feel better Because you're not taking responsibility To actually do better To be better Because I promise you as soon as you do You will see your life change Become so fixated on focusing on yourself That you don't have time to talk about anyone else
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
If you're building your home, if you're designing your home, if you're improving your career you won't have time to talk about others. If you have time to talk about others it is simply stealing time away from talking about what's most important to you. Think about that. And the third step is take action. Take action on transforming your life. Take action on developing that habit.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Take action on improving your relationship. Take action on focusing on your career because that is the antidote. The antidote to stop talking to other people about other people is to start taking action in your own life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Thank you for showing up here for your future and your success this year. Now, we've talked a lot about setting up your goals, setting up your blueprint, understanding how to visualize.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
The second habit that will help you to stop draining energy in 2025 is stop spending time with people who give unsolicited views, opinions and feedback and stop giving it. Imagine this for a second. You're updating a friend, a family member, or a colleague about a challenge or experience you're going through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
But I have to share with you something that can make all the difference This week's episode could actually be the difference maker Between achieving your goals and just missing out on them One of the biggest reasons a lot of us miss out on our goals Is because we're draining energy We're losing energy We're wasting energy
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Now, without you even requesting it, they suddenly launch into a full thesis and masterclass on what you need to change, what you need to improve, why you're going through it, what you need to start eating, stop eating, start working out, don't do any more. You didn't ask for it. You didn't encourage it either. You were just opening your heart. It can be so discouraging.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
I'm sure you've felt that before, where someone gives you unsolicited thoughts and views about your new hairstyle, about your new career, about the vacation you're taking. It can be so, so disheartening. Now, think about how often you do that as well. Be honest with yourself. It might be so subtle, right? It might be so subtle that you do it too. But think about that for a second.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
How often do we give unsolicited opinions, views, and feedback? And how often are we around people who give it to us and do we drain energy thinking about it? There's something known as the social exchange theory. According to social exchange theory, relationships are based on a balance of give and take, where both parties feel respected and valued.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Offering unsolicited feedback can create an imbalance where the person receiving the feedback feels criticized, undervalued, or even dominated. This can weaken the relationship over time. you're either on the receiving end of that or you're giving it to other people. And it drains our energy because so often we give this feedback to others. Then we talk about why they haven't changed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Then we wonder why we wasted time giving them the advice. And all of that was a waste of time. Now, the truth is it can be well-intentioned. You may truly have solved your gut issues by drinking celery juice. It may have worked for you. You may have truly solved your focus issues by working out every day. Your intentions may be beautiful and wonderful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
But before giving someone unsolicited feedback, ask them, would you like to know what I did to help me? Would you be open to hearing about what was helpful? These two simple questions let that person give you permission. And that permission has an incredible psychological impact on them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
A study by Van Vienen and D. Drew in 2001 found that unsolicited feedback can lead to feelings of resentment and distrust. People are more likely to feel that the feedback giver is overstepping boundaries or being judgmental, which can damage interpersonal rapport and mutual respect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
You may not even want to do that, but you may actually be draining a relationship of the goodwill that you've created. And studies have shown that when individuals are given feedback they didn't ask for, it can lead to a decrease in intrinsic motivation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
When people feel like their actions are being externally regulated rather than self-motivated, their intrinsic desire to perform the task diminishes. So not only are you limiting their ability to change, you're also limiting your own ability to change if you're not qualifying someone else's advice. And in a very extreme sense, there's a cumulative effect of criticism.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Repeated exposure to unsolicited feedback, particularly if it is critical, can lead to feelings of helplessness or learned helplessness. This can also lead to exhaustion. Some of us are so exhausted hearing that from people who are giving us unsolicited views and feedback that we are drained of energy. Please create a distance, a boundary and a barrier from this energy. You don't deserve it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
And it also becomes extremely, extremely difficult for you to continue to tolerate it. If you're someone who's struggling around a group of people, please feel free to set boundaries, set barriers and distance yourself. And the third and final habit is stop spending time with people who only talk about themselves and stop talking just about yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
It's so important that we spend time with people who are curious about us and we are curious about others. We feel drained when we're constantly just hearing about someone else's stresses, pains, and problems. And we kind of do it because we want to people please. We want to be good. We want to be nice. We want to be seen as nice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
But actually encouraging them to get help, encouraging them to spread their support, introducing them to great insights, podcasts, places to turn to can make a huge difference. I really believe these three habits will help you reclaim your energy in 2025. Stop draining your energy and start protecting it. Wish you all the best.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
This episode is all about how you can stop draining your energy in 2025 and how these three habits will save you so much time. If you want 2025 to be a year you attract greatness this episode is for you. If you want 2025 to be a year you have good energy in your life, this episode is for you. If you want 2025 to be a year your friendships deepen, this episode is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
I'm so excited for this year and our continued journey of growth together. And I can't wait for you to listen to the next episode. Remember there are new episodes every Monday and every Friday. Every Monday we have a new guest session and every Friday we have a new workshop. Make sure to tune in. And remember, we have six years of episodes available for you to go back and listen to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Thanks for being a part of On Purpose. I appreciate you. Remember, I'm forever in your corner and always rooting for you. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Julie Smith on unblocking negative emotions and how to embrace difficult feelings.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Mi gente hermosa, Wilmer Valderrama. Yo soy Freddy Rodriguez, host of the new podcast Dos Amigos. In this series, we candidly reflect on our careers, life, art, and everything in between.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Think about it for a moment. You can drink as much water as you want But if it's not clean, it won't have the desired impact. And sometimes in our life, we can be doing all the habits. We can be doing all the tracking. We can try and develop all the mindsets. But if our energy isn't clean, if our energy isn't detoxed, it all loses value.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
I'm sure you've experienced that before, where when your energy is fuzzy, it seems like you don't have any clarity. You don't know where you're going. You don't know how you're going to get there. And sometimes, even if you have lots of uncertainty, if your energy is clear and clean, you actually have everything right in front of you. You know what the next move is. You know what the next step is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
That's what I want for you this year. Now, imagine if I told you, you could get 52 minutes of your day back right now. Think about that for a second. Imagine if I told you you could get 52 minutes of your day back right now. What would you do with it? Would you read a book? Start a passion project? Maybe work on your side hustle? Spend more quality time with friends? Sleep early?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
One thing I know for sure is that you would use it to do something meaningful to you. But the majority of us don't even believe we have enough time. If I told you to take 52 minutes out for something, you'd say, Jay, I don't have it. I don't even know where to find it. I want to, but I don't know where it is. Well, guess what?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Studies show we spend 52 minutes a day talking about, gossiping about, speaking about other people. 52 minutes. Whether it's harmless or hurtful, it is stealing time away from our lives. It's also draining our energy and wasting our time. Stop spending time with people who only talk about other people. And stop being one of those people who only talks about other people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Whether it's on the phone, whether it's messaging, whether it's in person, we waste 52 minutes a day doing this one thing. The first way to stop draining your energy in 2025 is stop spending time with people who only talk about other people and stop being one of those people who only talks about other people. Now, here's the thing. Talking about other people feels good in the short term.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
but ultimately drains our energy because it often involves focusing on negative information about others. This continues to strengthen our negativity bias, which means we become better at seeing what's wrong with something than what's right. We become better at seeing what's bad rather than what's good. And we become better at seeing what's not working rather than what is. And guess what?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
That seeps into our own positive relationships, career opportunities, and lives. So many of us are wiring ourselves to only focus on the negative. Have you noticed how it's actually not that difficult to spot something wrong with something? I'm sure you've seen an Instagram caption and spotted a spelling mistake or a grammar mistake.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Maybe you saw someone post something on the stories and they'd made a mistake with the year that they'd posted. Our minds are hardwired to spot what's wrong with something. Now, while that can be a really useful skill, it can be really important to protect us in life, and it is valuable, it becomes really hard for you to create something beautiful, create something brilliant with that mindset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Because whenever you have a good idea, you'll always find what's wrong with it. Whenever you have a good plan, you'll always find its failure and weakness. And by the way, whenever your friends share their ideas or their inspiration, you'll be the first to shoot them down.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
So many of us don't realize how negativity creeps and seeps into our lives through gossip, through talking badly about other people. And here's the reality. Talking about others can also lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety. We think, what if that person finds out? What if they hear what I said about them? I didn't really mean it. Maybe I just said it in the moment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
I know that they're not all bad. How will they feel? How will that affect my relationship? And then we wonder, what will the person I've been gossiping with think about me? Wait a minute, will they gossip about me with other people? Wait a minute, what will they say about me to that person? There is so much guilt and anxiety, worry and frustration that comes from this same experience.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
And I want us to become wiser to how much time we waste in this regard. Now, we do it and other people do it because it makes us feel better. We talk about other people because it makes us feel better. But how can you truly feel better about yourself by talking badly about someone else? That's a fairly low bar. We believe we're doing well because someone else is doing poorly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Our marriage must be going great because someone's getting divorced. Our career must be going well because someone else is getting fired. Our health must be good because someone else is getting sick. It creates a very low standard of success for ourselves and creates a negative feeling towards others. Not to mention it gives us a false sense of security.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Our relationship isn't actually getting stronger. We just feel it is. Our career isn't actually going in the right direction. We just think it is. Our health isn't actually improving. We don't actually know much about it. This superiority complex creates fractures in our self-image and connection with others.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
It misleads us towards a better view of ourselves and an unhealthy view of others which isn't actually based on reality. This is what's most worrying when you're in a deep relationship with someone who talks negatively about others. You walk away feeling falsely better about yourself. You haven't actually changed anything. You haven't actually improved anything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
You haven't actually built a healthy, positive mindset in any way. Yet you're walking away having negative, lower feelings towards someone else. And guess what? That person doesn't even know it. It drains our energy because it fools us into believing that we're on the right path. that we're on the right track, that we're moving in the right direction, when the reality is nothing has changed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Nothing has changed. We haven't got better. We haven't improved. We're not smarter. We're not wiser. We just think we are. I know that this is a harsh reality, but it's going to help us. This is going to help us because we're going to get 52 minutes back a day to invest into our dreams, invest into our goals, invest into our lives.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Now, what are some of the ways that talking about other people drains us, even beyond just that 52 minutes? The first is, people with a superiority complex often come across as condescending or dismissive, and this can make others feel inferior, leading them to pull away, disengage, or avoid interaction. Over time, this erodes trust and intimacy in relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
even if we don't know it, we start to develop this perceived arrogance, right? People feel it from us. They feel it from our energy. And if you're not feeling it, you're feeling it from someone else. You will have a friend that they talk negatively about each other. And then you start to recognize that they come across arrogant and it disconnects us from them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
So it drains our energy because we're now spending our time evaluating someone else's arrogance. It also leads to a lack of connection. Healthy relationships require mutual respect, understanding, and vulnerability. When one person feels above the other, it becomes difficult to form true connections.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
The person with the superiority complex may fail to see others as equals, limiting the depth of their interactions. So when you're talking to someone, who has this, who talks negatively about others, you actually can't even connect with them that well. Now, every moment you spend with them, you feel disconnected from them. You feel disconnected from what they're talking about.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
And now you're trying to manage it. I know what it feels like, right? When someone talks badly about someone to you, you now don't know where to jump in. You don't know whether to join in. You're now wondering what they think of you when you don't do that. All of this is a waste of time and energy. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism give you a natural kick of caffeine combat stress pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function even better juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can we believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. Another reason that this drains our energy is that it inhibits effective communication. What happens is we start to become dismissive of other people's opinions.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
nothing has changed. We haven't got better. We haven't improved. We're not smarter. We're not wiser. We just think we are. I know that this is a harsh reality, but it's going to help us. This is going to help us because we're going to get 52 minutes back a day to invest into our dreams, invest into our goals, invest into our lives.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
People who start to feel this superiority tend to believe they know best or that their perspective is the only valid one. This creates a communication barrier because others feel unheard, dismissed, or invalidated. Now you may not be the person making other people feel this way, but you might start to feel this way with a person who talks in this way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
It's now affecting your relationship with them, which is affecting your relationship with the people you're talking about. It also can create a sense of defensiveness, right? I'm sure you've got a friend where you're like, hey, let's not talk about that person. Hey, let's not do that. And then they get defensive. They may even say like, oh, stop trying to act like a good person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!
Stop trying to act like a holy person. You've got challenges too. And now it starts to create tension and friction there as well. One of my biggest concerns about how talking to people who talk about a lot of other people decreases our energy and drains our energy is that it creates a lack of empathy. This is a huge one that I want you to take in. So many of us
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And so what I'd say to people is be really clear about who you get your news from, what time of day you feel comfortable consuming news. When someone tells me they have anxiety, the first two questions I ask them is what did you watch last night? Wow. And when did you last consume the news? Those are the telltale signs.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
They tell me they watched a murder mystery last night or something like that or some true crime. And then they tell me they just checked the news. So I'm not telling you to not be informed. We're trying to save you from being overwhelmed. So for me, I find the time I'm best at dealing with the news is three hours after I've woken up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Because that gives me the time to set my day up so that I have a strong foundation and a strong place from which to process difficult, sad, tough, challenging news. As opposed to if I'm looking at it immediately, now I'm already thinking, gosh, today's going to be the worst day. This is terrible. Where's everything going? I haven't had a moment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And it's almost like thinking about it from the perspective of When do you feel comfortable dealing with something challenging? When do you feel strong enough to say, okay, I'm ready to deal with the day now? And I think for me, that takes three hours to do it. And I don't try and do it just before I go to bed either, because that's really challenging.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
So pick who you read your news from, find your news, don't let it find you. be really clear about what type of news. Do you like social media news or do you actually prefer reading news from a website? And do you like watching the news on TV or are you someone who actually just wants to read a newsletter?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I think it's so important that we trade and make these choices rather than letting the news bombard us when it wants, how it wants and wherever it wants.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And we all do that. I empathize with that. I think that's real, especially for those of us who live away from family, who are not close. I know my wife feels that way. It's a real thing. So I want to validate that. I don't think it makes you weak or not strong. I think we all have that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And I think the reality is let's find a way of getting that news, that very, very important news, whether it is you going back to having a landline or whether it is you having two separate phones, one you wake up with near your bed that only your emergency contact and your family member has access to and nothing else is on there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
There's ways of doing it in a way that protects us and protects the people we love. So I don't want to, you know, invalidate that feeling because that's real as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
So I'll walk you through my morning routine and then I'll break it down into how I think people can use it in their life. Because I don't think my morning routine should be a standard and no one's morning routine should be a standard. So I wake up around 6 a.m. every day. That's my time that I feel happy and comfortable doing consistently. That's five days a week.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I always look at every routine in my life as five days a week. I don't believe it has to apply to my weekends because I feel that there's a recovery and rest that's massively needed on a weekend or whatever your weekend tends to be. So... I wake up at 6 a.m. I'm usually in my meditation room meditating by 6.15.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And so 6 to 6.15 is brushing my teeth, showering, just getting ready, putting on some comfy clothes. And for me, the thing that's helped me most in the morning is I have a little post-it note next to my bed and I'll put different questions on it that mean something to me. So the first thing I see in the morning is a question and the questions are simple as, what are you grateful for today?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Or the question is, what are you excited about today? Or the question is, how are you feeling? And what I find is those questions allow me to start off the day proactively about me rather than reactively to everything I have to do. And so those, those post-it notes remind me to be before I do anything. Who do I want to be? What is my being about today?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
The question could say, who, what are you hoping to channel today? And I can say love or kindness or whatever it may be. And all of a sudden I'm set for the day and then I'll put on some, it could be bird sounds. It could be mantra music. It could be Something that's super calming, almost like spa music. Like I'll be literally getting ready to that. And then 6.15, I'm meditating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
So I meditate for one and a half hours to two hours every day, usually an hour and a half in the morning. So 6.15 to 7.45, I'm meditating. And then 8 a.m., I start working out. And so 8 a.m. to 9 a.m. I'm working out. What's your workout game? That's changed over time. It used to be tennis. It's been pickleball.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
It was hiking. Now it's strength training because every podcast guest I talk to keeps talking about the value of strength. And I'm in that decade that everything math is in. So all I've been doing is strength training for the past...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
six months now probably consistently but three probably really consistently and so that becomes an hour and then 9 a.m i i start i eat some breakfast and start my day and it's a savory breakfast because i've had too many guests talk about glucose spikes so my whole life is a savory breakfast so by 9 a.m that's when i feel i have a strong foundation to start my day
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Today's episode is a little different because instead of hosting, I'm the guest. I joined Tinks on her show, Office Hours, for a deep and insightful conversation where I answer some of the most thought-provoking questions about relationships, dating, and the stresses of life. I always love these conversations because...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Yeah, you want it to be the exception and not the rule. I look at it as 70%. I want 70% of my week to be as optimal, as healthy as possible. And then the 25 to 30% that's left over, I'm okay for that to be more mixed up. So five days a week, I'll have a savory breakfast. It does make a difference as someone coming from a former sugar addict. Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Like I used to wake up wanting to eat a sugary breakfast and then eat something sugary at lunch and then have something sugary in the evening. Having a savory breakfast has completely curbed that desire. And it's setting me up not to have those crazy crashes later on in the day. And now my energy is actually sustained throughout the day as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Yeah, me too. Love Jessie.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I'm waiting for you to come on, Tink. Okay, I know we need to do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Oh, that's a great question. Who took me by surprise? I'd say the person who took me most by surprise was Brian Chesky, who's the founder of Airbnb, the CEO of Airbnb. And the reason is because I thought that he might have the archetype of a tech founder.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Because that's what he's done. And so I wasn't sure. And I try very hard to not go in to any interview having any judgment. But at the same time, there's a certain archetype that you expect to meet or that you expect to converse with. And when I met him, I realized that he's an artist and a designer in a tech person's body. You've met Brian before.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Thank you. Yeah, it's easily one of my favorites because I think it shows you, I think there's a lot of people out there right now who are artists and designers who are thinking, well, I can't find a company or build a tech company or I can't work at a company like that because I don't know coding or engineering. And it's like, well, no, no, no, no, no. You can be an artist in a tech company.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
That's what Steve Jobs was. That's what Brian Chesky is. And that's why I love Brian so much. He reminded me of the closest thing we have to a Steve Jobs visionary type of someone who just thinks so outside the box. He was super vulnerable about his love life, his relationships. He's 40 years old. He's a billionaire, but he was looking for love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And I thought it was so brave of him to be so open about that. And yeah, I love him. He's become a great friend. He's an awesome guy. So yeah, that was the most surprising one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I can get really emotional. I think the most emotional I get is at weddings. I was just at my friend's wedding two weeks ago. And this was a wedding I was just attending. But when I'm officiating weddings, I'm so scared that I'm going to ruin the ceremony because I'm going to cry. So I've got to stand there in my head. I'm going, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And that's what I do in the podcast too, because I feel that people are so, genuinely expressing something that they may never have shared somewhere else before or it's really hard and courageous and brave of them to go there. And my heart, I almost feel like crying sometimes or I'd have to stop myself from crying because I'm not even crying because of what they're sharing so emotional.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I feel like the questions that she's asking me are what some of you are asking me. It's what you're worried about. It's what you're thinking about. So if you're struggling with dating right now, if you're struggling with your relationships right now, if you're struggling with a breakup, this episode is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
It's because I respect them the bravery. I respect the courage it takes to put your life out there. And you do that. I respect you for doing it. So many of our peers, so many of our friends do that. I respect them for doing it because it's a really courageous act. It's a really difficult thing to do. And so my tears are almost preempting the fact that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
when you open up, there's going to be so many different reactions and responses. And I feel really grateful that people trust me to do that with. And I mean, you know, yeah, I think one that was amazing was Tom Holland when he opened about his sobriety journey.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And it was just amazing because the amount, the hundreds of thousands of messages we've had from that episode saying you help me or Tom helped me get through my sobriety or get back on or have more grace for myself. And then you cry because of that message, because you're thinking about all the people that are affected. So there's a lot of crying in private because I know. I think it's great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
If you're navigating a big life decision, a big life transition, feeling overwhelmed with the news and what's happening around you, this episode is for you. I hope you enjoy it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. I would have said Brian, but now that I've said it already, let me think.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Which one have you listened? It sounds like you've been listening. I've been listening a lot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
She's awesome.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Yeah, Claudia was amazing. She was exactly like what I was just describing. I had to hold back my tears. I'd say if someone was new to my podcast and they had to listen to one, it's such a great question. Let me think. I want to give a really thoughtful answer to one that would really have an impact. Oh, there's a couple that I think I really loved.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
One that I'd say that stands out to me, and I say it because it was such a shifting moment for our show. It was Kendall Jenner on the show. Oh, yeah. And it's because she hadn't really done that many interviews at that time. And she hadn't really, I don't even know if she'd done a podcast at that time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And she doesn't really. And we had this amazing conversation. And it was such a pivotal moment for the show that it stands out for me. And so I'd say listen to that one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And yeah, yeah. Cool.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I'm waiting for you. I already said that. For me, of course, of course. Anyone else? And I don't mean that. I genuinely mean that. Waiting for you. And then, I mean, I've always said my number one pick is Cristiano Ronaldo.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
That's my number one pick across the whole world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
He hasn't. It's definitely a language barrier too of wanting to get the best out of him. He's had a couple of great ones over 10 years ago now. Interviews that really spoke to him. So yeah, that's, and I'm a Manchester United fan.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I would be like high-fiving my 15-year-old self. Of course.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I love that. I think you will fall in love with three different people in your life. Oh, okay. The first is the firework. It's big, it's loud, it lights up the sky, but it fades away. The second is the candle. It's slower, it's quieter, it has a longer shelf life, but eventually you might leave it because it doesn't have the spark. And the third one is the mirror.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
The one that shows you all your flaws, shows you a reflection, and shows you who you truly are. And the firework will probably fade off its own accord or the firework will probably fade itself. The candle, you might leave before it fades. And the mirror, you might think it's broken because you don't like what you see.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And so I think we often hop and jump and skip between all three of these because it doesn't fulfill one part of us. One doesn't have the spark. One doesn't have the longevity. And one is too honest. And I think I've been in love with all three in my life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Thanks for having me. I'm so grateful to be here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
What I found was that the mirror was the most powerful one because as soon as I didn't realize the mirror was broken and it was showing me exactly who I am, which is what my wife's done for me, And as long as the person holding the mirror is compassionate and empathetic and not shoving it in your face, but holding it kindly there. it can be the most beautiful relationship that you'll ever have.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
But I don't believe in the one soulmate that you're destined to be with, because I really think that there's a soulmate for each frequency you operate at. So there's a soulmate for your lowest frequency, which when you're operating on that frequency, you'll find really attractive. But as soon as you upgrade to your mid frequency, you'll think to yourself, how was I ever with that person?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And then you have that frequency. And then you have your soulmate of your highest frequency, which you could argue is your ultimate soulmate. But that requires you to step up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And do that work. And so I think you'll find a soulmate. And if you think about even the word soulmate, I really believe that a soulmate is a mate for your soul. And that could be a friend. It could be a romantic partner. And that lower vibration, that lower frequency soulmate is almost like a cellmate, a prison mate.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
That kind of keeps you stuck. And I think a lot of us can empathize with having lived with a cellmate for some time where you thought you were in love, but actually you were in prison and you were being held back from your potential. You were being trapped. based on what you believed was possible for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And maybe you settled for less than you deserve because you believe that was your soulmate and cellmate for life. And so I want people to be much more freer with knowing that your real partner is out there and they're not this perfect person and they're not this person that has it all together. And they're not going to show you the best parts of yourself either. This idea that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
the best person will bring out the best of me they'll show you the worst of you so that you can bring out the best of yourself that's what we're trying to work on and my wife's definitely done that for me the key is they do it in a non-judgmental empathetic and loving way not in a way that's like i see all your flaws and pointing them out in a in a manipulative or controlling way sure sure how long have you guys been married
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
We've been married this year for nine years and together for 12.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Oh, gosh. So we tell the full story on the first ever episode of my podcast. Okay, go listen, you guys. So that actually, if you want to know my life. That's a great one. Yeah, that's the first one. Start with that. Yeah, that's probably the right answer to that question.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
That makes me so happy. Yeah, I joined Calm as their chief purpose officer three years ago now. And it all came from this beautiful friendship I had with the founders of Calm. So Michael Acton Smith and Alex, they both founded the app. And we kept hearing from both our worlds that I should connect with them. And they were hearing that they should connect with me. And we got together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Okay. But yeah, we met before I became a monk.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I was serving at my local temple in London. Okay. Because I was training in my final year of college, knowing that I was going to do that. And I met a woman who was around my mom's age, and I was asked to show her around with some chores and services. And I showed her around. And at the end of it, she said, I have a daughter that I'd love to introduce to meditation and spirituality.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
She's around your age. Would you connect with her? And I said, well, I'm going to become a monk. So I'll introduce her to my sister. because they were a similar age, that happens to be my wife's mom. No way. And she brought in my wife like a week later to introduce me to her. I'd asked my sister to come along.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I saw my wife, this is like years ago now, I thought she was absolutely stunning and beautiful and was like, no, focus on being a monk, focus, focus, focus. And then when I came back from being a monk three years later, her and my sister were best friends. And so my sister was our matchmaker in the end. I love that. Yeah, that's beautiful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And it's been incredible to record a seven-minute meditation five days a week, every week for the last three years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Yeah, I think times are changing too. Like if you look at it 25, 30, maybe even longer now, 50 years ago, most people met someone who lived in one mile radius from where they grew up. So you'd get introduced to someone through your parents or through your friends, or maybe you'll bump into them while walking to your building or whatever it was. And I think we always romanticize things in the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And so if someone wants to build a meditation practice, there's seven minutes a day set up for you every single day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And I want to point that out because I think we all have this. And by the way, we have this as humans. We always say the good old days. In my time, things were amazing. And you know you're old when you start saying stuff like that. Like, oh, the music when I grew up was really better than today's music. I say that all the time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
20 years from now, people will be saying that about Sabrina Carpenter and being like, when I had, you know, and so it's like the same thing that goes round and round. And so first of all, I like to just cut out this nostalgic false belief, because what it does is it gives you a safety blanket of being like, oh, back in the day, things were amazing. Today, it's worse.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And I think, I mean, you could look at that, you could cut that and slice that both ways in the world and not, there'll be plenty of historians and researchers who say today's better than ever. And some will say it's harder than ever. And ultimately when it comes to dating, I think the point is that mindset doesn't help.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And so, yes, I really believe that what people are looking for, and I did this last week, so it's funny you ask. I became Match's relationship advisor, Match.com's relationship advisor last year. And the reason I did that was because I developed a core values test in my book, Eight Rules of Love, two years ago. And I wanted to partner with an app that would help people match based on core values.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Yeah, it's pretty fun. That's amazing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Mm-hmm. My goal wasn't that you should have the same values. My goal was your values should be something you're aware of. I think too many people are with people that they find out their values three years later. Wow. Oh my gosh, you wanted to have kids. I had no idea. Yeah. Oh, really? You wanted to become an entrepreneur and quit your steady job. I had no idea.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Oh, I didn't realize you actually want to live in the farm and not at the city. Like no idea. We're just so unaware of these very big things about someone. And so we did this event last week in LA on Thursday night. It was for a hundred singles in LA. And I was really excited to see how it went. And the goal was for people to meet in person, but with that ethos.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And I started out with this experiment where I was standing in the middle of the room. I was surrounded by a hundred singles and I read out loud I statements. And if it applied to them, they had to step forward. And if it didn't apply to them, they stood where they were.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Yeah, we'll discuss everything from what we're expanding with, how the brain's looking into health right now. I love it. We've been having so many amazing conversations. I'm so... proud of, I mean, what we've been able to create together, but what they've done, because it's really showed us how meditation can be stories and can be walks and can be practices. So true. And that's what I loved.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
So imagine 100 people surrounded. And I read out the first one, which was something like, I consistently miss red flags. And a bunch of people stepped forward. I asked them what red flags they missed. And people were honest, but tiptoeing. Sure. And then I asked another question and it got deeper every time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
So the next question I asked was something like, I sometimes forget my friends in a relationship. So when I'm dating someone, I forget about my friendships. And it was so funny because this group of girls were there with their friend and they all pushed this friend forward. And I love the honesty. I was like, this is hilarious. And all three of the friends were like, yeah, she always does that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And then I gave her the mic and she goes, yes, I'm the friend that leaves my friend. And I was like, how beautiful. And then it got really deep. And then I asked the question, I've been cheated on by an ex. And people step forward and share. The reason I'm sharing this is what I found was that all of these people at every stage were willing to be vulnerable. It took a second. It took a beat.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
It took a moment. It wasn't straight off the bat. People tiptoed forward at the start. At the end, people were coming forward and opening their hearts. And what I realized is that The reason why we think online dating doesn't work is because we want instant intimacy. We want instant vulnerability. We want instant openness.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And even that night, I had to wait and be patient for people to feel safe with me, with each other, with the space. And I think that's what we should be focusing on is can I create a safe space where someone feels they can be that way with me? The other thing I'd say for anyone who's feeling exhausted with the apps, again, is I'm not surprised. Of course you are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
It's exhausting to be rejected, reject, accept, move forward, ghosted, whatever it may be, everything in between. But I'd say the real challenge is not the app and it's our mindset. And what I mean by that is we live, when we're dating, we live in one of two states. We're either passive, so we say things like, it will happen when it happens, I'm not worried right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Secretly, we're really scared and insecure and pretending, right? And the other side is we're pressured. Oh my gosh, did you see that person just got engaged? I'm 35, how am I still single? There's all this pressure. So we live in being passive or feeling pressure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And really what I was saying to everyone that night and what my goal for everyone listening today would be is I want you to be in a state of peace. Peace with your past, peace with your present and peace about your future. Because guess what? Pressure doesn't attract love. How could pressure ever attract love? And how could being passive ever attract love? So how do you get peace?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Peace is saying, I know what happened in my past wasn't a waste of time. It hurt. It was painful. It was the worst, but it wasn't a waste of time because it showed me who I don't want to be with and who I don't want to become.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And by the way, I'm not going to put pressure on myself because I actually believe that when I live in a state of peace and calm, I'm now operating at that frequency that attracts a peaceful and calming relationship into my life. Whereas if I feel pressure, I'll attract drama. And if I'm passive, I'll attract trauma.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
But if I'm at peace, I'll attract someone who's calm and I'll attract someone who's matching my frequency.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Sorry, go on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I didn't want people to have this limited view of what meditation was. I wanted them to have this really practical, alive view of it. I know. It's incredible to see that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I feel it for whatever it's worth in your presence today, for sure. That's good. And also I was going to say that I love what you're saying because a lot of the times people will say, well, how do I know it's love? And if you're already living a life you love, you'll know it's love. Totally. Because you're already living at that level.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Everything is operating at the vibration and frequency of love. So when something new comes in, you actually know what frequency it's vibrating at. Exactly. You won't have to guess anymore because it makes sense. It aligns. You know whether it's jealousy, lust, envy, confusion, whatever it may be, because you already love everything that's going on. But if you're Hating everything that's going on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Now everything feels like love. So true. Because everything feels better than where you're at.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I'm very excited. It's the first time in six years since we launched the podcast that I actually get to go do this on stage across North America to start with. And I think people are going to expect surprise guests in every city. Love. Some of your favorites, some absolutely new ones. So really, really excited about that. People can expect to actually have... a human connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I want everyone to be able to ask questions. I want to make it really interactive. People will be able to come and be a part of the experience. And I want people to leave there with community. I think that's something that I found when I'm touring that's different is that people don't walk out of that room with the same people they came with.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
They're walking out, having conversations with people next to them. If you think about it, everyone in that room is going to be someone who listens to On Purpose. They're listening every day. They're listening every week. They're listening every month. Imagine being in the same space and now you're not walking or you're not in your kitchen or you're not at the gym.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
You're actually in this same space listening to the conversation. I can't imagine what kind of connections will come out of that. So I think it's going to be super exciting. It's going to be meaningful. I'm going to be leading meditations on stage. So for anyone who's been struggling, I'll be guiding those meditations as well. I think it's going to be a really meaningful, impactful evening.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And I can't wait. I'm so excited. So exciting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
So I went on a world tour two years ago. So we did nearly 40 cities in like three, four months. And that was much harder than I expected it to be. And I have a lot of clients who are musicians who tour and do like 100, 150 shows, 200 shows. And they always used to tell me that they'd be exhausted by show 50. And so I didn't even do 50 shows.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
So I can really empathize with people who toured that long. To me, it becomes about everything is sacrificed. And I don't mean that as like, oh my God, I'm sacrificing. Everything is about the craft. So for example, when I was on tour last time, my day would start around 2 or 4 p.m. for working, I mean.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
It would start later because I'd start with a group meditation for people who'd opted in for the smaller meditation. I'd start a Q&A session for that group. Then the show would start at like 7.30. So I'd stop eating at midday. And then I wouldn't eat until midnight. And then I'd wake up, jump on a plane and go and do it all over again in another place. And so I never went out at night.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I never went out to a restaurant because I was on vocal rest. And so to me, the key is for that time, you've got to be totally zoned in. And I love that. I really enjoy it. I think about it like an athlete at the championships or Super Bowl, whatever it is, where it's like, you've just got to be focused on that one thing. And there's a beautiful thing that comes out of that. You get...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
really in the zone. You recognize what talents and skills you have. You recognize your ability to fast that I didn't know I could do that anymore for that long. And so it was just like a really beautiful reminder to build different muscles.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And build different strengths and find a new sense of confidence. Yeah. And so, yeah, everyone's always like, did you travel to this place? What did you see? I'm like, I didn't see anything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Yeah, I saw my hotel room. I saw a plane.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And I saw the venue. And I love that. I don't have any, that's beautiful. Like that's what it's for. Yeah. I'm not traveling for pleasure. I'm traveling to serve and it's really exciting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
So there's this place in LA called Mr. Charlie's. It's basically plant-based McDonald's. Oh, wow. So they do chicken nuggets. They do a chicken sandwich. It's plant-based. They do the fries. And I've now got to once every two weeks I need that in my schedule. It was once every week.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
it's now got to once every two weeks and then i'm a i love van luyn because oh it's so good yeah and so i'll my my van luyn order my wife believes this should be on their menu because i have a very specific order so i go and get um a double chocolate fudge brownie scoop of ice cream with hot fudge on top with sprinkles cookie crumble honeycomb candy and i think that's about it
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And so those are my two food guilty pleasures. I love that. Every two weeks, I'll do that now on one day together. So that day, glucose goddess, ignore it. Just don't talk to Jessie for a week. Pretend like it didn't happen. And then TV wise, I find like... Um, no, I think I watch good stuff. I mean, I'm like, I just watched Why Lois, the new episode came out, but that's not good to play.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
This is great TV.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Uh, this year it used to definitely like at one point I would never miss an episode of Selling Sunset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Okay. But I love real estate. So I would.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
skip and i was telling jason up and i met jason recently and i was telling him i was like i love selling sunset but i always skip to all the homes because i love properties and real estate he's like yeah that's what every guy says and so i was like all right jason thanks for judging me but but it's true so yeah that's what i love that okay well van lewin if you're listening we need the j shetty on the menu that's crazy that that hasn't happened yet
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Yeah, I'd love for people to come see me on tour. It's jsheddy.me forward slash tour, jsheddy.me forward slash tour. And then you can find me on TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, wherever you go. Watch social and then on any podcast app, iHeart, Sirius, and all the other ones, Apple, Spotify, everything. So yeah. Beautiful. Thank you so much. And honestly, I had such a great time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
That was one of my favorite conversations I've had. Thank you. And you are the best. And On Purpose is waiting for you. Thank you. I love that. And so we look forward to having you on the show.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Yeah, I find it so funny when people come up to me, they're like, you put me to bed every night. And I love that feeling. It's such a nice feeling. And having that intimate space with someone. But for anyone who's struggling with meditation, the first thing I'd say is everyone struggles with meditation. It's almost like trying to work out. I feel like you would never.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
So I want to share a few things. The first thing is that there's three types of meditation. There's breath work, there's visualization, and there's mantra. And I'll explain all three. And I was trained in all three during my time as a monk. And so I love helping it be a menu for people because I think sometimes people just don't know where to start.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And so I remember my first day in the monastery in India and I saw a young monk teaching younger monks how to meditate. And so I walked up to this young monk and asked him, what are you doing? And he said, it's their first day of school. I'm teaching them how to breathe. And I said, okay. And he said, what did you learn on your first day of school?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And I said, maybe one, two, three, ABC, I don't know. And he said, well, here we teach them how to breathe because the only thing that stays with you from the moment you're born to the moment you die is your breath. And he said, everything else changes, your family, your friends, where you live, all of that can change, but the breath stays with you that whole time. And then he said to me,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
what changes when you're happy? Your breath. What changes when you're sad? Your breath. What changes when you're late? Your breath. What changes when you're angry? Your breath. And he said, every emotion in your life is connected to your breath. So if you learn to master your breath, you learn to master life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Now he was 10 years old and something like that, like 10, 11 years old and sharing all this wisdom. And the reason why I love that story is because you stop looking at meditation as this thing you have to do. And you recognize it's actually a way of living. It's who you are. You have your breath. And if you look at the best athletes, the best musicians, the best
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
People out there in the world doing incredible things, they've all learned to master their breath. You can't run for that long without knowing your breath. You can't play a wind instrument for that long without mastering your breath. And when you look at it that way, you recognize we're all athletes. We all require and demand so much of our bodies.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And so for anyone who's struggling to start with meditation, my tiny request is just notice how you inhale and notice how you exhale. And so if we inhale together right now, things together, You can probably feel something happening in your nostrils. You can feel the change of your body.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And the practice I like people to get comfortable with is as you're listening to this, if you can, of course, if you're driving, don't do this. Or if you're on the treadmill, maybe don't do this. But place your left palm on your stomach. Okay. And as you breathe in, feel your stomach come out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Now, Tinks, were you thinking about what you're going to eat later?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I really wasn't. You weren't, right? And what's beautiful about it is we use the sense of touch. So we were touching our stomachs. We could feel something changing. And I think sometimes we think meditation's in the mind. But what I like to remind people is that meditation is a very...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
physical feelable thing and so both of us there for a second felt everything stop felt everything slow down and felt disconnected even from the space we were in and so use all your senses light some incense if you like so that the sense of smell is engaged hold your stomach hold on to something if that helps you feel connected don't feel like you have to do it all in your head
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Absolutely. Our usual experience of life is our mind is moving fast. And our body is sitting still. So true. Our mind is racing from the moment we're up and our body is sitting in a chair. And what meditation teaches you to do is still your mind so that you can move your body. And that's what we need to get to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
We need to get to a place where we're moving our body, stilling our mind as opposed to the other way around. And I completely agree with you that if anyone... I think the best time to use it is use it when you feel like you just rushed to jump onto that train. Right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Or when you were just rushing into that Uber or when you were just rushing into a meeting, take a second to just do three deep inhales and exhales. And all of a sudden you'll start to gain confidence in it. I think people think meditation has to be something you do outside of your real life. I think about it completely the opposite. I do it in the back of Ubers. I do it when I'm on trains.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
I do it when I'm running into a meeting and I'm feeling out of breath or late. I'm doing it in my life. And I think that's a great way to start because it builds your confidence. It gives you some momentum rather than, oh, I haven't meditated today. It's like, no, I just used breath because my breathing was faster, shallow, and more random when I was feeling tired, anxious, or nervous.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Yeah, I think... I read something that said we're exposed to more tragedy in 24 hours today than we were in our whole lifetime 25 years ago. That's crazy. And if you think about that for a second, it feels true. We consume around 34 gigabytes of data per day. Do you remember when your hard drive wasn't even one gigabyte?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And when you're looking at that, just to make it make sense for people, I read an article that was saying that's like reading 100,000 words every day. It's crazy. It's like watching 25 episodes of Stranger Things in one day. Yeah. Just back to back to back. So we're consuming so much information. And like you said, not all of it's health. A lot of it's news, notifications, negativity, noise.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And I call these the four N's. They put us into a minus state. Every time a notification comes in, you're like minus one energy. Negativity comes in minus two energy. News comes in minus three energy. And the rest of the day, you're literally climbing back up to zero.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
That's how you feel, right? You feel inundated and you almost feel buried by these four ends. You feel buried by notifications, negativity, news and noise. So what do you do about it? For me, and I know this sounds bizarre, but it has changed my life and I have to bring it up. There has to be a way that the first five minutes of your day are not on your phone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
And whether that's getting a hatch, which is what I've been using right next to my bedside, which has this natural light alarm that wakes you up. And again, I hate the word alarm. Let's just think about this for a second. The only time an alarm helps you is when there's a fire or when there's something going wrong. So true.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Which means the fact that you wake up to an alarm or an alert means something bad's about to happen. So if your alarm tone doesn't fill you with calm or fill you with stillness, change it. The second thing I'd say is that that morning five minutes, 30 minutes if you can, is so powerful. And I'll tell you why. Your brain's just waking up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
You would never let a hundred people into the bedroom of your mind, right? Just think about that for a second. You would never let a hundred people into your bedroom before you've brushed your teeth, washed your hair or put on your makeup. But me and you, all of us let in a hundred people
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
into the bedroom of our mind as soon as we pick up our phone now all of a sudden imagine a hundred people your family your friends your boss crowded around your bed yelling things at you did you get that report in oh what do you think of this picture i'm about to post oh you forgot to wish your uncle a happy birthday right whatever it is and all of a sudden everyone's yelling at you and your day's starting on a negative your day's starting on being reactive
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
So what I try and focus on doing, especially with news, because that's what your question was about, I believe it's so important that news doesn't find us. Wow. I think we live in a world where most of us don't find news or look for news. News finds us, which means it appears on our feed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Love! (How to Shift Your Mindset to Start Attracting It) With Tinx
It means we have the news channel on our television at home or on a screen open on our laptop without us even wanting it. We don't go and search for it. It's just there in the background of our life. And if news is the background of your life, tragedy is at the forefront of your life. That's the first thing you're seeing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
I can't wait to see all of your pictures wearing the merch, their sweatshirts, a hat, t-shirts. Check it out on our website, jshettyshop.com. That's jshettyshop.com. And remember, 100% of the proceeds go to NAMI.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Let's return now to the beauty standards of the West, which, as we see, seem to change every decade or so. Until the 1920s, as we've seen in other cultures around the world, great beauty was marked by a full face and a curvy, voluptuous body. Then the flapper showed up, a woman skinny as a boy with short, bobbed hair and an androgynous appearance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
She was followed by Greta Garbo, lean, strong, and enigmatic, a woman of few words. Two decades later, in the 1950s, beauty standards changed again, with the media serving up two female options, the girl next door, embodied by Doris Day and Debbie Reynolds, and another kind of girl represented by Marilyn Monroe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
In the 1960s, beauty standards changed again with the arrival of Twiggy, an English supermodel weighing 91 pounds who became a cultural icon in London, introducing, or should I say reintroducing, the world to the concept of androgyny.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
In the 1970s, the pendulum swung back again with the TV show Charlie's Angels and Farrah Fawcett posters plastering the bedroom walls of every teenage boy in America. Suddenly, it seemed good health and athleticism was in vogue, though this look was soon swapped out by the pale, skinny women who began to appear in fashion magazines in the 1990s.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Now, I have no judgment over which is more attractive or not. It's what's interesting is how it's being presented to us. Now, as I've walked you through this journey of history, of culture, we can just see that when we try to answer who's the most beautiful woman in the world, it almost feels like it changes every decade. And today it may change every week.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
And what becomes interesting is that our bubble changes. becomes our truth. So if you go online and ask who's the most beautiful woman in the world, and AI will come up with its own semi-scientific assessments, and among the names that come up, you'll see Jodie Cromer, Zendaya, Bella Hadid, Beyoncé, Simone Biles, Janelle Monáe, Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift, Margot Robbie.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
But what's really interesting about all of this, we would say, well, they're all beautiful in different ways. So the question that we really have to ask, as opposed to who's the most beautiful woman in the world, what do we count as our beauty? And what do we believe to be beautiful about ourselves?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Are we choosing the same things that society, culture, and history changes and updates like fashion every so often to be our definition? When I...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
first saw radhi i genuinely was very attracted to her i thought she was beautiful from the moment i saw her and i still believe she's absolutely beautiful and gorgeous today but so much of what i've learned today is learning to love her for all the nuances the subtleties that i never knew before the quirks the curious parts of her the parts of her that you know, that surprised me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
And so I want to talk to you about what it really means to build self-love and self-worth. The first is understanding the parts of yourself you don't like and recognizing whether you don't like them because you don't like them or you don't like them because someone else told you not to like them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Because someone in history, culture, art somehow got through to you from all of these decades ago and you're carrying around an old idea about the way you feel about yourself. So many of our perceptions of ourselves are based on other ideas like the ones I've shared today that have made their way through time and lasted as almost generational curses.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
We're judging ourselves and the people around us based on standards that we didn't choose, values that we didn't create, and symbols that we didn't select. The second thing I'll say to you is find out what makes you feel confident. It may be developing a new skill.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
I think what people don't realize is that until you develop skills, the skill of communication, the skill of knowing how to present yourself, preparing to have the skill of knowing how to introduce yourself in a room, without those skills,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
No matter what you do, it's very hard to feel confident because you could dress however you want, you could show up however you want, you could be invited to something incredible, and you'll still feel like an imposter. You'll still feel out of your depths or out of your comfort zone without a set of skills.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Identify the skills that you haven't invested in, skills that you've missed out on, skills that you haven't prioritized that can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
The other thing I want you to do is take a look at how this is an ever evolving, ever changing conversation and notice how through times you've seen updates and how you've seen updates and upgrades on what is seen as beautiful and how it keeps changing and keeps you on your toes. It supports industries. It builds industries. It allows for industries to actually exist and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
just because we believe we're not beautiful enough, we're not fit enough, we're not strong enough. And start writing down your own definition. Start writing down your own description. Start writing down your own perception. And start disconnecting from the others.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
If you need to unfollow, unsubscribe on social media, if you need to change your algorithm, if you need to just switch off from social media in order to create your own views of beauty, to create your own ideals of attraction, that may be the best thing you ever do because otherwise you'll be chasing something that was defined decades ago.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
So many of us are pursuing a version of ourself that we don't even know we'll like. But we believe because others may like it, that hopefully we will too. And the truth is when we try to become who we think other people will like, even if someone likes us, we may not like ourself. And liking yourself is worth so much more than however many likes you receive on a post on social media.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
I want to thank you for listening today. I hope that it's been an education. I hope it's been enlightening. I hope that it's given you insight into recognizing that when you try and answer these questions, when you try and chase a version of beauty, you could chase any definition for any decade and you'd still be behind. Thank you so much for listening.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Remember, I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you. I'll see you soon. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my conversation with Megan Trainor on breaking generational trauma and how to be confident from the inside out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
So many of our perceptions of ourselves are based on other ideas that have made their way through time and lasted as almost generational curses. We're judging ourselves and the people around us based on standards that we didn't choose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Hey everyone, and welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host Jay Shetty, and I'm so grateful that you're here and taking the time to spend the next 30 minutes with me. Now, in a moment when time and attention are the most valuable assets, your choosing to come here to explore interesting questions, learn new habits and practices, and dive deep isn't something I ever take for granted.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Now, if you're a longtime listener to this show, you probably know that we've always followed a format of sorts where we dive into a topic and then I offer you tips, hacks, solutions, and suggestions of how best to navigate it. Recently, though, I've been wanting to go a step deeper, to question the appearances of things some of us might take for granted.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
My intention being to figure out what's really going on, especially in the information age where most of us are bombarded all day with the same appearances. Now, think about it. If you're someone who spends any time on social media, and I'm guessing that includes most of you, no doubt you're overwhelmed with images and videos of beautiful people doing things that are incredible.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Their faces are flawless, their hair's just right, everything's perfect. And usually they're on their way to a party or a city that you feel like you're missing out on. Now with all those images bombarding us on a daily basis, we may feel sure we experience insecurity, sure we may experience envy and jealousy, but there is conditioning and wiring happening right there and then.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
And for this reason, today's episode is posed in the form of a question. I think so many of us are dealing with challenges with self-worth. We hear so many insights on self-confidence, self-love, self-care, but it doesn't seem to be breaking through. And I think that's partly because we don't even know how we're being conditioned. So I want to start off by asking you a question.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
And the question may seem broad and random, but I promise you there's a reason because we're going to investigate it. So the question I want to focus on today is, who is the most beautiful woman in the world? Now, when I first ask you that question, either you'll come up with an actual name of someone you know, or maybe it's a celebrity or a model or a well-known person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
And sure, we could have gone down the lane of who's the most handsome man or whatever it may be, but I want to stick with this for a second. Because this question led me to take an intensive dive into the ways we think about beauty from all different angles. Historical, cultural, philosophical, even mathematical. A quest that traces all the way back to the ancient Greeks.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Has the definition of beauty changed over time? And how much is it influenced by where we grew up and the era in which we came of age? Are there certain constants or ground rules about beauty? Or do the qualities that come together to create the most beautiful woman in the world change from year to year, decade to decade? And if beauty itself changes, how much has to do with us?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
The innate preferences and biases that each of us is born with? And how much has to do with the big business of selling dreams, whether it's beauty, fashion, makeup, music, or film? The Greeks, I want you to know, were preoccupied with beauty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
But more than intrigued by beauty as a concept, they were intent on figuring out, using logic, reason, and ideally measurement, what made someone or something beautiful. To them, beauty wasn't subjective or a person, and the definition of beautiful didn't vary depending on who you asked. For the Greeks, beauty had to be rational.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Among the top characteristics, according to philosophers and mathematicians of that time, were order, symmetry, and definiteness. Meaning, for example, that a sculptor creating a statue of a Greek goddess should ensure that both her arms are the right length.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
that her hands should match those arms, that her head should balance on shoulders neither too big nor too small, and that if she is pictured running or simply lounging around, that her every muscle and movement be portrayed in intricate detail. For the ancient Greeks, beauty was a function of math. Beauty was all about harmony and proportion. One other thing stands out too.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
For Plato and other Greek philosophers, beauty was also linked to a person's goodness and morality, an idea that was later picked up in fairy tales and Disney films. In other words, if you were beautiful on the outside, you were probably beautiful on the inside too, though it's hard to speculate which came first.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Because they lived in ancient Greece and weren't inclined to calling something beautiful without taking a shot at figuring out why, Greek philosophers did everything in their power to determine if beauty could be measured using mathematical formulas. which is how mathematicians like Pythagoras produced a concept that many centuries later would come to be dubbed the Golden Ratio.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Ask him who was the most beautiful woman in the world back then, and odds were he would say Helen of Troy, a woman largely credited with precipitating the Trojan War. Why did they say that? Easy. Her face contained the same precise mathematical theorems they kept seeing in objects belonging to the natural world that were unanimously deemed to be beautiful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Things like nautilus shells, the leaves on trees, pine cones, and pine cone seeds. It took a few centuries for this theorem to be given a name, the golden ratio, though looking back, it shows up in the face of Mona Lisa, in the Parthenon in Athens, and in the Great Pyramid of Giza, though no one can say for sure if they were created with the golden ratio in mind. But back to Helen of Troy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
What role did the golden ratio play in the fact she was widely considered to be the most beautiful woman in the world? For Pythagoras and other Greek mathematicians, the number three had a special significance. By dividing the human face into three sections or divisions, he and his colleagues could come that much closer to defining the ingredients of extraordinary beauty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
The first measurement was from a woman's hairline down to the middle of the eyes. The second measurement started from those same eyes and ended at the bottom of the nose. The third and final measurement was from the bottom of the nose to the base of a woman's chin. The conclusion? The most beautiful faces on the planet were two-thirds as wide as they were long.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
What's more, if all three measurements were roughly equal, a woman's face was more likely than not to be universally seen as beautiful. The color of a beautiful woman's hair mattered too, confirming blonde hair in ancient Greece was by far the preferred color. Rarely do you see any illustrations or all paintings of dark-haired or red Greek gods. either female or male. Why?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Because as I mentioned earlier, beauty for the Greeks was also connected to inner goodness and a kind of moral purity. One's outward appearance, the purest possible reflection of the virtue contained inside. Great art and sculpture, in some ways the earliest form of media, also played a powerful part in how the definitions of female beauty evolved.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Nearly 2,000 years after the end of the Greek Empire, Renaissance artists like Botticelli, Leonardo, Rubens, and Raphael portrayed women as a physical type, curvaceous, fleshy, maternal, and mysterious. This ideal, incidentally, has endured for centuries and across all cultures. Today, female beauty has no link to extreme thinness. Believe it or not, that idea has been around since the 1960s.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
But shapeliness, not to mention youth, since curviness and youth both communicate to suitors that she's the right age and healthy enough to conceive and raise children. In short, the media can prioritize certain looks and figures. All it weighs. But at the end of the day, some things are hardwired in us as animals and won't ever change.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Evolution, it won't surprise you to learn, always has the final say. But I want to revisit the idea of symmetry and proportion and the idea that everything from the face to the arms to the hands should exist in complete harmony. It's easy to dismiss this concept as old-fashioned and even dated, but it still plays a part in how we look at beauty today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
In fact, the ancient Greeks are largely responsible for the Western standards of beauty that appear in our media today. Think of Snow White or Cinderella or Ariel in The Little Mermaid.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Their beautiful appearance is inseparable from their goodness and innocence, whereas the witches and ogres and villains surrounding them who are eager to do them harm are seen as the opposite of beautiful, as if their evil dispositions have negatively affected the way they look. Another factor that's been linked to beauty, a woman's voice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
In the 1980s, social scientists did a study hoping to show a connection between women's voices and their levels of beauty. They did this by having a team of male volunteers speak on the phone with a group of women. I should add this was voice only. The men couldn't see the women, nor the women see the men.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
After the male volunteers were asked to assess the most beautiful voices with the faces of the most beautiful women, the researchers conclude that vocal attractiveness was indeed correlated to the beauty of the women in question. I might also add that the more youthful sounding voice, the more attractive it came across. Once again, blame evolution.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Imagine you're visiting Ethiopia, where some tribes in the south still make use of the centuries-old practice of lip plates. These discs are inserted into a woman's bottom lip and are seen as signs of both beauty and status. Scars or scarification are also commonplace among such African ethnic groups.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
A knife or eraser is used to make cuts in the skin and ash or clay or pastes are then rubbed into the cuts, which creates bumps and patterns on the skin that take anywhere from six months to a year to heal. These two are widely considered great emblems of beauty. In New Zealand, especially among the Maori tribes, facial tattoos serve an almost identical beautifying purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
They also communicate to the world a woman's identity, her social status, her heritage, and her own professional achievements. It's quite literally like having your family tree and your place in it seared onto your skin. How do you feel about unibrows? The ancient Greeks loved them, probably because they were so symmetrical.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
Today in the Central Asian country of Tajikistan, a unibrow is still considered a signature of great beauty, versus in the West, where a unibrow is often considered, well, not entirely desired or welcome. Tajikistan women who don't naturally have a unibrow stretching over their eyes can even buy products to enhance the brows they were born with.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
You can see that different cultures value different things, and our conditioning means the culture we were raised in, the culture we grew up in, defines what we see as beautiful and attractive. But think about this for a second. Consider for example the Japanese concept known as wabi-sabi, which emphasizes the beauty that is found in imperfection. I absolutely love this idea.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
A perfectly manicured back lawn is considered in Japan unacceptable and unnatural. No back lawn has ever looked like that. Perfection, this idea argues, may be symmetrical, but at the expense of what we love in the objects and people we loved most, namely their imperfection. Okay, I am so excited about this because we've got the first ever merch drop for On Purpose. It's finally here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
We'll see you next time. And with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day. Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Tools To Build Self Confidence in a World where People Make You Feel Insecure
And for World Mental Health Day, we're doing an exclusive limited edition drop with all the proceeds going to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, NAMI. So now you can wear your On Purpose merch, listen to the podcast, and know that you too are having an impact. I want to thank you so much in advance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Or do they leave it on the floor and walk through freely? The Buddha told this story naturally as a metaphor for our lives. All of us may have had so many mindsets, so many habits, so many practices that got us to where we are today, and they saved our life. There's no doubt about it. They were brilliant.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
The mindsets you've developed, the habits you've developed, the patterns, they have been fulfilling and amazing. And I think this is a mistake that successful people often make, is that we judge the skills and habits that got us to where we are. And what that creates is this critical culture inside of our minds and our hearts where we hate what we became in order to get to where we are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And then we're in an uncomfortable place because now we're trying to grow from a place of hate. We're now trying to move forward from a place of pain. Rather than saying, actually, what got me here is beautiful. This raft is fantastic. It's brilliant. It's just not necessary anymore. And there's a beautiful Zen proverb that says that letting go is hard, but holding on is harder.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And so as I walk you through this today, I ask you to reflect on what are you holding on to? What is something that you know doesn't work anymore, but because of habit, because of pattern, because of routine, because of systems, whatever it may be for you, you've held on to it for maybe six months too long. maybe three months too long, maybe two years too long.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
There's something in your life that isn't letting you move forward because you're holding onto it, not because there's something in front of you, but because there's something behind you that you're stuck to and attached to. So before we define what purpose is, I want to define what purpose isn't. Your purpose does not have to be your job.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I think over the last few years, we've seen a lot of research and studies that makes it feel like if you can make money from something and you're good at it, that becomes your purpose. And I found that to be extremely limiting when I started to look at the research behind purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I also found it extremely limiting when I started to think about the number of people in the world who may never be able to achieve that. It was an idea that actually felt outdated and useless because it wouldn't be scalable. It wouldn't be possible for multiple people to experience purpose that way. Your purpose does not have to be big.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I think a lot of the times there's this pressure, especially if you've already been successful, that the next thing you do has to be bigger. The next thing you do has to be better. The next thing you do has to be bolder. And I've seen that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
waste people's money, time, energy, effort, and life away because the mismanaged resources of wanting to do bigger, better, more leads us down a different path. Your purpose does not have to make you money. Your purpose does not have to make you famous. And your purpose is not a person. This one's the hardest one to stomach.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And this one I only learned when I was writing my last book, Eight Rules of Love. I sat down with couples who'd been together for 30 or 40 years. And one of the clearest things I heard was at one point, someone in the relationship prioritized the kids as their purpose. But then 30 years on,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
when the kids had moved out, gone to college, started their own lives, felt like they didn't know what their purpose was anymore because their identity was wrapped around a person. And that's the hardest one because a person can become our purpose very easily. It becomes really easy to get fixated and wrapped up in an individual.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I'm so grateful you're here and I can't wait to dive into today's episode because we're talking about something that affects all of us. It's trending right now, it's buzzy right now. The thing that we all think about, longevity. Can we live a longer, healthier, more meaningful, more energetic life? Longevity isn't just about having more years, it's about having more life in your years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Maybe you've even done it in a toxic partnership where the person became your project. And because you see them as a project, you can see it as a purpose. But a person can't be your purpose. So as we dive into this and we start defining what purpose is, this study stood out to me the most.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And I'm going to go through this with you because this research showed who found the most meaning and purpose in life. The first was people who strongly agreed, which I think will be very easy in this room, people who strongly agreed that hard work is the reward. Hard work in and of itself. Now, I don't think I need to explain that to anyone in this room.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I feel everyone in this room feels very comfortable with that. So you can see that the percentage of people who strongly agree their life has meaning, they strongly agreed hard work was in itself the reward. The second one, again, very easy in this room, strong belief in personal agency, that your behaviors and your actions actually make a difference.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
that you know that what you decide to do, what you choose to do, what you invest in has value. Again, I feel a sense of contentment in this room on those two. Am I right? Give me a show of hands if you agree that the first two feel like wins. Put your hands up if the first two do not feel like wins. And put your hand up if you don't put your hand up no matter what I say. Thank you for the honesty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
There's one honest person in this room. Thank you so much. First two, we're pretty clear on. Third one, again, highly emphasizes personal responsibility, a sense of personal responsibility. And the reason why I'm sharing these with you is because for those of you who have children or have young people in your lives,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I think these three are often what so many Gen Z and millennials are struggling with. The feeling that personal agency exists, the feeling that responsibility matters, the feeling that hard work can be the reward. You may have mastered it, but the people around you may actually be struggling with this. And our desire to coddle in society may be losing that effect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
So those three may be for people in your life, may not for you. The last three... are my three favorites for this room. The last three are the ones I want you to bring your attention to. High compassion. People who had more meaning and purpose in their life were highly compassionate. That's a really fascinating one. And I'll break down what I mean by that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Often what we find is when we, how many of you have done hard things in your life? Raise your hands if you believe you've done hard things. Right. What often happens is when we do hard things, we become more hard-hearted.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
As we do harder things, as we break boundaries, as we define limits, what often happens is we create a sense of a feeling that we've done hard things and other people should be able to do them too. that often that what we've done, somewhere subtly, subconsciously, there's a belief system that other people need to step up and get their act together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And it may not be as harsh or extreme as that, but there's a subtle feeling of how doing hard things makes us slightly hard-hearted. But actually what we realize is that the people that are happier and have meaning and purpose in life, they've found that doing hard things made them more soft-hearted. Why? Because they realize how hard it is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
They actually recognize how difficult it is to be disciplined, to be focused, to be organized, to be dedicated, to be committed, to be loyal. That is so challenging. That when you meet someone who's struggling with those things, you actually feel compassionate because you realize, you take a moment to honor how hard it was for you to do it. And this is a really intricate, subtle point.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
The challenge we have with being compassionate to others as high performers is because we struggle with compassion with ourselves. How many of you know that showing yourself a little more grace and kindness would be a useful asset in your life?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I recently had the incredible opportunity to speak at the Longevity Summit, where I shared insights on how mindset, habits and purpose play a crucial role in how we age. In this episode, I'm breaking down the science-backed habits, mindset shifts and daily routines that can help us not only extend our years, but make those truly the best years of our life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
So fascinating to me. As high performers, you are really confident and really critical, right? It's like this crazy in-between that you experience. If you can walk into the room and you can know you can own it, and when you walk out of the room, you're criticizing yourself of how you didn't own it, right? That's what it means to be a high-performing individual. That's how it works.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
But the challenge becomes that we lose our compassion with ourselves. And meaning and purpose are far more tied to compassion than criticism. They're far more tied to collaboration than competition. They're far more tied to care and kindness than they are to competing with someone else or comparing ourselves to someone else. So high compassion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And I leave this with you for this section of think about over the next 24 hours where you can show some compassion to yourself and where you can show some compassion to anyone else. Try for the next 24 hours when someone shares their story with you and in your head you're thinking, come on, get over it, come on. It's not that bad. Come on, it's not that bad. I'll tell you a story, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And I'm sure you have legitimate stories. Take a moment to see where in your own heart you've blocked some compassion for yourself. This one is my favorite point out of all of them, the fifth point on this list. People who had a strong sense of meaning and purpose in their life, low envy. Envy was extremely low, right? Now I can't wait for a Darshan at Next Health to invent a envy marker, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I'm waiting for a Darshan. You got to find a way to measure this envy marker inside all of us and give yourself a score. But it's what we need because you know this better than I do. And I'm sure you know people. We know people who've achieved everything you could possibly want to achieve and still feel envious.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I remember sitting down with a client who was the number one person in his industry at the time. And I remember sitting down for my first meeting with him. And when I'm doing my purpose analysis, kind of like what you do with your doctor's analysis and your bloods and everything else, I did my analysis and I often ask the question, who are you envious of? So I don't ask, who's your competition?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I ask, who are you envious of? And this person who is number one in their field, global icon, world known, one of the most well-known people in the entire planet, named another person who is number one in their industry. in a completely different industry, not in their field, in a completely different field. And I was sitting there completely confused. And I was thinking, why, how?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Like you have everything that that person has, like whether it's finances, whether it's physical appeal, whether it's attracting, you know, a partner, whatever it is, you have all those same superpowers that I see in that individual. And I asked them, why? Why are you envious of that person? And they said, because I feel that that person is loved fully. That that person is fully loved.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And I said, well, you haven't checked Reddit or Twitter for a while. There's no one who is loved fully in the world. That's just not true. There's no one. And it was just a really fascinating thing for me about how no matter how high you go, high envy... is a cancer that will destroy everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
It will eat up all the goodness in your life, whether it's a beautiful partner, family, job, work, impact, service. That envy piece destroys all of it. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
So whether you're in your 20s, 40s or beyond, this episode is for you. It's never too early and it's never too late to start making changes that can transform your future. I can't wait for you to hear this keynote. Let's get into it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. Now it is a tough one because the challenge is we automatically look at it as negative. And that belief that we have, again, we go into that hypercritical mindset. We judge ourselves for being envious.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
We get critical. Oh gosh, I've got so much envy inside of me, right? And that mindset, that guilt blocks growth. I think this is a really important point, that guilt blocks growth. Shame blocks growth. Guilt and shame are not great incentivizers long-term in order for us to experience transformation. So what do we do with our envy? With our envy, we lean into it. What are we genuinely envious of?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Let's actually study our envy. Let's actually take note of it. Is it a signal? Is it a sign? What is it showing us? What are we specifically envious about that person? My client, going back to them, they were envious of this person because they believed that they were fully loved.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
As soon as I started showing them how they weren't, all of a sudden their envy started to break because they'd built up an imagination and a visual and a concept of who this person was beyond the truth. It was an illusion version of who this person was and what they'd achieved. It wasn't real. What's the illusion that you need to burst to burst your envy? We always talk about that, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
We will say that people on Instagram, it's just their highlight reels. It's not their real life. We hear that again and again and again. But internalizing that with the person that we admire, what is it about them that we truly envy? What does that show us about what we want to pursue in our life? Because maybe there's something for us to learn and gain and study.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And that leads us onto the last one, which is common. People with high meaning and purpose admire high achievers. 63% of those people who felt meaning and purpose in their life admire high achievers. What can our envy teach us?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
What is your envy exposing as a potential goal for you, as a potential focus for you, as a potential pathway for you that you're actually blocking yourself off from because we're judging ourselves for being envious? So notice these are the shifts And I think anytime you're not feeling meaning or purpose in life, this is a great marker and metric to come back down to. Am I feeling high or low envy?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Is there a place I can improve my compassion and increase my compassion? How can I study the person I might be envious of? Where is that going to come from? Where am I going to learn that from? Rather than putting it aside.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
So what I want to share with you is I looked at this, I looked at some more research, and I came up with five checking systems that each and every one of us can do in our lives. You can do this with your family and friends without asking someone what's your envy level, which may be a bit intimidating. language that may be a bit more palatable and easy to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And I'm going to give you five markers that you can check. Check in with yourself, check in with others to see if they're going. And I've been working with people to figure out how many of the five that they have in order to feel a 360-degree level of purpose in their life. Now, I want to start off with belonging. So the first is belonging.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
All the people that had purpose in their life had a deep sense of belonging. Now, belonging is something we often turn to our families for, but that's because we become more and more isolated from community living. We know that, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Many, many years ago, we would have been surrounded by bigger families, supportive families, would have helped each other out with the kids, would have helped each other out with cooking. There was far more. Now we're getting more and more isolated. I live a 10-hour flight away from my mom and a 20-hour flight away from my dad, right? I'm in a city. I lived in New York for two years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I've lived in LA for six years. I don't have any family in either of these places. I'm isolated. We have friends, of course, but there was a sense of we've moved away. So belonging on a family level isn't enough when we're looking at the term belonging for purpose. Belonging was, do I feel a part of something bigger? Do you feel like you're a part of something bigger?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
YPO is a place of belonging, right? This is a place of belonging. That's why you're here. And I encourage you to make it a deeper place of belonging by encouraging vulnerable conversation. I recently went on a retreat with around 16 people, mix of industries, athletes, artists, musicians, to Bhutan. It was an amazing trip, really, really special.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
If you've not been to Bhutan, I highly recommend it. It's famously known for measuring GNH, gross national happiness, not GDP. We got to meet the king and understand his vision, got to meet the former prime minister to understand how they've maintained a country that really feels like you're going back in time, but has held on to its cultural values. You're not allowed to...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
You're not allowed to ski on the peaks or try and climb them. They'll always make sure that the ratio of trees on land is 70%. They won't cut below that because they believe that the trees and the mountains are sacred. There's a really special culture there that they've been able to hold on to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Remember, Bhutan is landlocked between India and China, right in between a tiny little country surrounded by these two big powerhouses. And they've really held on to this culture. And I was asked to lead a session there to help people be more vulnerable. And I leave this with you to do throughout the rest of the day with people you're getting closer to, but to increase belonging.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I encourage you to answer this one question with maybe the person sitting next to you afterwards or maybe someone at lunch or wherever it may be. This, I promise you, will drop the walls, escalate vulnerability and closeness and belonging like no other question. The question is, what is the number one thing in the world that you're scared of being judged for?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
What is the number one thing in the world that you fear judgment of? The person you've revealed that to now has a secret weapon. So be careful who you share it with. But it's a really powerful thought. There's an amazing author named Charles Horton Cooley who wrote this in the 1900s. He said, the challenge today is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I am what I think you think I am. Let that blow your mind for a moment. He said, the challenge today is I'm not what I think I am. I'm not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am. Let me break that down. Which means we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves. If I think you think I'm smart, I feel smart. But if I think you think I'm weak, then I feel weak.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
We allow what we think others think of us to define how we think about ourselves. And we live in what he called the looking glass self. We live in this kind of perception matrix for our whole lives, never really bursting the bubble and breaking out of it. So belonging can only exist when it's not based on fitting in. Belonging can only exist when we're actually our truest selves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Belonging can only exist if we are truly open and vulnerable because otherwise all you have is a culture of people pleasing. So belonging for a lot of us has ended up in people pleasing because we say the right thing, we do the right thing, we wear the right thing so that we can fit in. We say the right thing so that we can fit in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
but we don't feel belonging because we don't feel seen, heard, and understood because we've never shared that part of ourselves. So that's belonging. Belonging is feeling a part of something bigger and being a part of something bigger. YPO is a great place to actually experience that and to develop that and to invest in that. And what's really interesting is a few, probably about 10 years ago,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I was reading something that was talking about how what was important in society was defined by the height of a building. So back in the day, a few decades back, the tallest building in a town or a city was the church or a temple or a place of worship. And that was considered a place of belonging and community, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
No matter our views on religion, that was the hope, or at least that was the goal. That then changed to being the government building, the Capitol building. That became the tallest building in town. That became the thing that we looked towards for direction. Again, less belonging, bit more private. And then now the tallest building is the businesses, the skyscrapers. no belonging whatsoever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
So you can see how society, just by what we've built as the tallest building, is switched in our priority of belonging and community through to business and commerce and exchange and transaction. And so in our own lives, we have to ask ourselves, where is my belonging? Where is that tallest building in my life? What is the tallest building in my life? Thank you
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Thank you so much. Good morning, everyone. It's wonderful to see you all. It's always relieving when your doctor introduces you on stage. It's a new experience for me, but thank you, Darshan, for being a dear friend and an incredible doctor to me personally. I'd like to start off, as Darshan said, with a grounding meditation to get us all in this space. How many of you
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. , , , , , ,, the P. P. P. P. P. P. P,實. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. gi to .
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
have been travelling lately, maybe you've got travel plans this summer, and you're thinking to yourself, I really hope that I can capture these memories with my loved ones and family, that you want to keep them inside of you, you want to take a mental picture. So what I'm going to guide you through today is a practice that I love to share.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
that we can use to take a mental picture wherever we are in the world. So when you're with your children, when you're with your partner, when you're with your friends and loved ones, how can you take that experience with you everywhere for the rest of your life? So what I'd love to do is I'd love for you to keep your feet firmly grounded in case you have them crossed over.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I'd love for you to put your phones away. It's not that kind of a meditation. And I'd love for you to release anything from your hands, whether it's pens, notebooks, whatever else it may be, so that you can truly be free.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a a Right? The day after the biggest win of their life didn't have any clue as to what to do. And they just moved on to the next and moved on to the next and moved on to the next. And we all do that. I've done that too.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And I started to realize at one point that nothing would ever feel like I wanted it to because I didn't know how to experience my own significance and the significance of the people I love. And the final one is service. There's a beautiful study by Amy Vrzniewski and the team at the Yale School of Management. I don't know if I'm allowed to say Yale in this building, but I just did.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Her team in 2019 went out to research what they believed was the most difficult job in the world. Have a guess. Any guesses? Most difficult job in the world, 2019. Parent. They were looking for a paid full-time job, so not parent, although I agree. Teacher? Hospice, closer. Uber driver, nurse, closer. President, no. Social worker, all very close, all in the right, so.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Healthcare is the right direction. So the answer is hospital cleaners. They believed that the most difficult job in the world was to be a hospital cleaner. Remember, this was 2019 pre-pandemic. So you can only imagine how difficult it was during the pandemic. So they went and interviewed hospital cleaners. And they sat down with them and asked them, what do you do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And the hospital cleaner said, we clean beds, we clean toilets, we clean plates, we clean up after people use these things, and we clean up after people pass away. It's an intense job. But they described themselves as low-skilled labour, in their own words. They then went and interviewed more cleaners, but these cleaners used different words.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
These cleaners described themselves as healers, as carers, as servers. These cleaners, or healers, should I say, got paid the exact same amount as the cleaners. They worked the same hours in the same hospitals and had the same shifts. But somehow they saw themselves as healers when the others saw themselves as cleaners. So they asked the healers, why? Why do you call yourself healers?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And they said, because we believe that keeping the hospital clean is integral to the healing journey of the patient. We believe that if the toilets are clean and the beds are clean, people feel a sense of dignity in difficult times in their life. We believe that if the hospital rooms are clean, that people's families will spend more time with them in their difficult time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
We believe that if the spaces are clean, then overall it boosts the person's morale and confidence in their healing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Amy Wisniewski and her team coined a word called job crafting, where they realized that it wasn't what we did. It's how we felt about what we did. And this is the biggest key to meaning and purpose. How do we feel our work is improving and benefiting the lives of others? And how closely are we connected to that story in a genuine way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
When you look up from your phones and look beyond your spreadsheets and look beyond our laptops and look beyond our flight schedules and everything else, When we really reflect on how is our life having a positive impact on the lives of others? How is it creating opportunities for others? Let me really internalize that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Let it not be a statement on the website or a check I write at the end of the year. How is that the core compass of how I navigate my entire world? And so I leave you with this. I call it the bliss formula for purpose. Joseph Campbell famously said, follow your bliss.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
I've always been struggling to figure out exactly what that meant, but he pointed us in the right direction and I feel a bit closer now. belonging, learning, individuality, significance, and service. Thank you so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
If this year you're trying to live longer, live happier, live healthier, go and check out my conversation with the world's biggest longevity doctor, Peter Attia, on how to slow down aging and why your emotional health is directly impacting your physical health.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Thank you for holding that space for each other. And thank you for holding on to your coughs. I know it can be hard. Some of you ruined it a little bit, but the rest of you, thank you so much. So as Darshan said, today we're talking about searching for purpose. And it's a really interesting quest that we're on, searching for purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And as I was putting this together, I was often thinking about what else do we search for often? And I was thinking about how much time we spend searching for what to watch every night. My wife and I did this yesterday evening, and we sat there and watched roughly two minutes and 29 seconds of seven different shows, and then gave up and went to bed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And so I Googled it this morning, saying, how much time do we spend every morning or every day or every year searching for what to watch? And the answer is 45 hours. 45 hours a year are spent deciding what to watch. And I was thinking, what if we put that 45 hours into searching for purpose, right? All of us, we're busy people, we don't have time. It's very hard to find that five minutes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
We just did a five-minute meditation. It can be very challenging. But we spend about seven minutes a day wasted on deciding what to watch, 45 hours a year. And that time just disappears. What if we were able to redirect that? Now, what's really interesting about the word purpose, and Darshan and I were just talking about this, I think so many of us know what it feels like to chase success.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
It felt very tangible. It felt very obvious. There were clear markers. There were clear things to measure. There was clear data. the promotion, the company, the exit, right? There were clear points, there were clear milestones as to how we get there. And I think we know that, we understand that. We were trained since we were young people to be successful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
It was part of our DNA, it was part of the college you went to, the parents you had, the people you were around. And then at one point, everyone started to talk about happiness. And that was completely the opposite. There were no milestones, there was no data, there were no metrics, and it was kind of confusing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And then we started to realize that happiness wasn't as tangible and holdable, and it was a feeling, and maybe happiness was a hard thing to look for in difficult times. Maybe you went through the loss of a loved one. Maybe you went through a really uncomfortable process giving birth to a child.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Maybe there was just loads of discomfort and difficulty, and happiness just feels like a very far-off, distant thing to even understand. And I think purpose and what I aim to do today is to start helping define the measurable, the milestones, the formula of what it could be, what it might be. It's not perfect yet. We're not there yet. We don't have the level of clarity because it's new.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
We're still figuring it out. The research is new. But we do know that it helps reduce stress. We do know that it has positive markers when it comes to inflammation. We do know that people who have purpose in life live longer. So how can we start to understand what purpose is tangibly in a physical way that we can feel it, not in a woo-woo way, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Not in a way that's like, oh yeah, one day it'll be nice, wouldn't it? But no, what does it actually mean? I want to start off by sharing with you a story that I was often told in the monastery, and it's a story that the Buddha would tell. And the Buddha often shared this story about an individual who was on a journey. an individual just like you and me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
This person on their journey came across their first obstacle. Now, their first obstacle was not millennials. Their first obstacle was not annoying board members, and their first obstacle was not how to get investment. This person's first obstacle was a fast-flowing river. and the person had to cross to the other side to continue their journey.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
Now this person didn't know what to do, but he knew that the river was fast. So he decided to build a raft. So he got bamboo, he laid it out, put down two rows, tied it up with some rope in the corners, He even managed to make himself an oar. He got on top and he paddled and paddled and paddled as fast as he could with all his energy and all his strength and all his might.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And he finally made it to the other side. And he thought to himself, this raft saved my life. I'm going to take it with me everywhere I go for the rest of time. Now, I'm sure you can think of things in your life that feel that way. So he strapped the raft to his back, and he decided to walk with this raft on his back forever because this raft saved his life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And just like us, he came to another challenge. Now, his second challenge was not an IPO. His second challenge was a tall, wooded forest with trees dotted at every step. And as he walked in with his raft, the raft just kept getting stuck and he was trying to maneuver and he was trying to get through and he was trying to figure it out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 steps To Find Your Purpose (The Fast Track To Build The Life You Want)
And the raft just kept knocking and chipping and breaking and falling apart. And the Buddha says that in this moment, this person had a really interesting dilemma and an important decision to make. The question the person had to answer was, Do they hold on to this raft that saved their life and try and make their way through, knowing that not only will it be harder, but the raft may even break?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
What's your local version of movement? Not doing it leads to never winning. Starting small guarantees winning and especially more important than winning, it guarantees you're building your confidence. I find most of us, we don't do things because we don't feel confident. We feel, well, what's it going to do? What's the value? And therefore we have to build our confidence to that level.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism give you a natural kick of caffeine combat stress pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function even better juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can we believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Now I want to share something with you that is kind of counterintuitive, but I love it. It's called the reverse gratitude shift. Here's the experiment. Instead of listing what you're grateful for, which I'm sure you've been asked to do a million times, and maybe you've done it, maybe you haven't done it. If it hasn't worked for you, try this. List three things you'd hate to lose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
And then realize you still have them and how you feel about that. Sometimes I find that when we're saying like, oh, I'm grateful for the day. I'm grateful for the sky. I'm grateful for whatever it may be. It doesn't hit hard. It doesn't hit home. But when you think, wait a minute, what would I hate to lose? oh my gosh, I'm so grateful. I am so grateful that I have that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
I'm so thankful that I have that. Wow, I'm so lucky. This reverses your brain's perspective. Instead of, yeah, I guess I'm grateful for my home, you feel the deep relief of, wow, I still have my home. It makes gratitude hit way deeper. upgrade it and say each one out loud for extra emotional impact. I think it's so important to speak these things into existence, the thankfulness, the gratitude.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
I really hope that you're going to come and see me. If you want to know where to come, head over to www.jshetty.me forward slash forward slash tour. That's www.jshetty.me forward slash tour. I can't wait to see you in the audience. Now, today I wanted to talk about how we set our day up for success, how we set ourselves up for success.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Notice how positive thinking is just like, yeah, I'm feeling great. I'm doing good. And you know, it doesn't stack up. So as you can see, I'm walking through from waking up Stepping outdoors for a second, cold shock reset in the shower, drinking a little bit of water, a movement, a gratitude moment. And now when you're about to eat, I call this the first bite ritual. Here's the experiment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Take one slow, intentional bite of your first meal while thinking about something you're grateful for. then chew the rest slowly without distractions. There's a really, really interesting phrase in Ayurveda, which is the science of health from India. And it says we should drink our food, drink our solids and chew our drinks. Let me say that again. Drink your food and chew your drinks.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Does that make any sense? Let me break it down. What does it mean when it says drink your food? It means we should bite our food to the point where it's close enough to liquid. Why do we do this? It's easier on our digestion. If any of you are having gut issues, digestive issues, I found two things make a massive difference. Slow down your eating. Put the knife and fork down in between each bite.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Don't keep a hold of them. Slow down the pace of eating. Most of us are scoffing down a burrito, whatever it may be, eating as fast as we can, trying to finish up the plate, get back to work, get to this, get to that. That's what's causing bloating, indigestion. Maybe you're getting heartburn. Maybe you're getting acid reflux. Slow down your eating process.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
And number two, try and bite each morsel of food 16 to 32 times.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
count while you do it it will naturally slow down the process and you'll be able to drink that food it makes it easier on your digestion your stomach's now not complaining it's not reacting badly and when it says to it says drink your foods because you've chewed it down that much and then it says chew your drinks what does that mean when you're drinking instead of just gulping it down instead of just taking it down as quickly as you can chew your drink almost taste it
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
deeply, properly, closely, and all of a sudden you're digesting that better too. And if you really want to mix it up, you want to try something new, eat with your non-dominant hand. It forces your brain to focus and be present and reset as well. Now I want to share one more tip. This one is called the future you signal. Here's the experiment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Put on one item of clothing or an accessory that your future self would wear. Something that makes you feel unstoppable. So it's almost like when you think about it, when Clark Kent takes off his glasses, right? Or when some people put them on, they become someone. Why it works. This is enclosed cognition. Your brain adapts its behavior based on what you're wearing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Dress for the energy you want to embody. And if you upgrade it, as you put it on, say, I'm stepping into my next level. What is it? What clothing? Is it a pair of shoes? Is it a jacket? Is it a smaller item like a bracelet or a ring? What is it that makes you step into your future self, that reminds you of that future self?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Allow it to be something physical, something tangible that you can see, because all of a sudden you start to see the impact. of how it changes you. And you're reminded of that throughout the day, especially as the day gets more difficult, whatever it may be, it can be huge. And I want to throw one more in there. I call this the identity download. Here's the experiment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Instead of journaling about your goals, write a three-sentence manifesto of the person you're becoming. Here's an example. I'm the kind of person who moves through life with clarity and courage. My energy is magnetic and I attract the right opportunities effortlessly. Today I show up as my highest self. Now what's the difference between that and positive thinking?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
It's about changes in who you are, not in how the day will go. Positive thinking is almost like it's going to be a great day. The day may not be great. but you can still be great. And I think that's the difference with positive thinking. Positive thinking says, today's going to be a great day. Everything's going to go really well. Not true. Today could be a really tough day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
How many times have you had it where halfway through the day you say to yourself, this isn't working out? It's not going my way today. It's another write-off. How many times at the end of the day have you said to yourself, I didn't get through it today. I didn't get enough done. It wasn't the right day. It didn't work out. Hopefully tomorrow. Hopefully next week. Hopefully next month.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Everything could be really hard, but you can still be great. I can be great on a bad day. That's what we want to build. That's the muscle that we're trying to strengthen. And why does it work? The brain clings to identity over goals. Listen to that carefully. The brain clings to identity over goals. If you keep telling yourself who you are,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Instead of what you want, you naturally act in alignment with that identity. Let me say this again. Your brain clings on to identity over goals. So you may say, I want to build something successful. but I'm not good enough, right? So your identity is I'm not good enough. Your goal is I want to build something successful. Notice the lack of alignment. Now listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
If you keep telling yourself who you are instead of what you want, you naturally act in alignment with that identity. I am a focused, productive individual. That's naturally going to get you to your goal, right? That leads to your goal. And you can read it out loud for more conviction. The identity download should not be underestimated. We always say, I want this. I want this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
I wish this would happen. I'm hoping this works out. No, I am. But what is following I am? If you're always saying, I'm not good enough. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm just all over the place. but then I want this. So we're focused more on what we want than who we are, but who we are gets us what we want. I hope that you internalize that in today's message.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
When I think about my morning routine, I think about four steps. T-I-M-E, time. Thankfulness, inspiration, meditation, and exercise. These four steps are how you should structure your morning routine. What's your thankfulness habit? We talked about the benefits of gratitude. What's your inspiration habit? The future you signal and the identity download. What's your meditation habit?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Similar to those with the first bite and the anti-gratitude reset or the reverse gratitude reset. And then finally exercise, that power shift.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
that will get you right every morning that you try it and all i want you to do is try one of these for this week then the next week add another one then the next week add another one do not add all of these this week because it won't work so just try one maybe you're going to try the 30 seconds in the shower maybe you're going to try getting that sunlight in the morning Make it simple.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Make it stick. Make it easy. Thank you so much for listening. I'm always rooting for you. I'm forever in your corner. Please leave a review. Please share this episode. I want to see what's sticking out to you. Share on your stories. Share your best favorite audio moments on TikTok. I can't wait to see how it's resonated. And I look forward to you listening to another episode today, tomorrow, soon.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Remember, we have new episodes coming out every single week, multiple new episodes, and you have six years worth to go back on. Some of your favorite guests have been on before and you may not even know. So go and take a look through the library. Thank you for being here. See you soon. Thank you so much for listening to this conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
If you enjoyed it, you'll love my chat with Adam Grant on why discomfort is the key to growth and the strategies for unlocking your hidden potential. If you know you wanna be more and achieve more this year, go check it out right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Hopefully next year. We postpone our greatness and success every single day. Why is that? It's because we don't often set ourselves up for success. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're like, Jay, I am a positive thinker. I do think that tomorrow is going to be a better day and I do want it to be a better day. Well, here's the reality. Positive thinking doesn't work. It's about habits.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
It's about systems. It's about processes. The biggest mistake we've made over the last few decades is we think it's all about positive thinking. And this idea has created somewhat of a barrier for people. For the people that don't believe it anyway, they think it's a weakness of personal growth and self-development.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
And for the people who believe it, you're doing it and you're wondering, wait a minute, I was feeling positive about tomorrow. Why wasn't it a good day? Because we have this underlying belief that if I think positive, then tomorrow will be great. If I think good, tomorrow will be great. It's not how it works.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
The way we set ourselves up for success is by the habits we choose, the systems we build, and the practices we focus on. That can transform your entire day. I have found... That I can conquer my day if I master my morning. And you can too. You can conquer your day if you master your morning. Your morning can either set you up for success or set you up for failure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Your morning can either build you up for greatness or lead you towards weakness. Your morning is the divining factor of how your day is going to go. It's almost like the first quarter of a game. right? For anyone who watches sports, you've got four quarters in the United States and you've got four quarters of your day, your first quarter. You want to set yourself up for success.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Now, of course, you can have a comeback, right? You can be down in the first quarter, down in the second quarter and have an unbelievable comeback, but that requires so much from you. What if you could set yourself up for an amazing game? if you had an amazing first quarter.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
That's what today is all about, how to master your morning so that you're not tired, unproductive, or overthinking for the rest of the day. The first step that I wanna share with you is what I call a dopamine detox dose. Here's your experiment that I wanna set for you. Before reaching for your phone, sit in stillness for five minutes. No social media, no notifications, just breathing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Being conscious of your breath, letting yourself wake up naturally, your eyes opening gently. Take that time. So many of us rush our brains, rush our minds into an awake state before we're even ready. We wake up with a jolt or a shock thinking that we're ready for the day when actually we're shocking and jolting our brains. I've never really liked the word alarm or alert.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Why would you want to wake up to an alarm, an alarm alarm? sets off your cortisol levels, right? If you hear an alarm, you think, I've got to get out of here. There's fire. There's some problem. I hate the word alarm. I want us to stop using the word alarm. Don't wake up to an alarm. Wake up to an intention. Wake up to an energy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
When we pick up our phones first thing in the morning, it's like letting 100 people into the bedroom of your mind at that time. You would never let 100 people Walk into your bedroom in the morning before you brush your teeth, before you put your makeup on, before you were ready for the day, before you showered.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Wake up to a sound that creates a sense of synchronicity and serenity in your life. Find that sound. Find that tone. and see how your day changes. When we pick up our phones first thing in the morning, it's like letting 100 people into the bedroom of your mind at that time. You would never let 100 people
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Walk into your bedroom in the morning before you brush your teeth, before you put your makeup on, before you were ready for the day, before you showered. But every day we let a hundred notifications, news stories, updates, messages walk into the bedroom of our mind. Think about that for a second.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Imagine 100 people, the people from work, your family, your friends, everyone walked into your bedroom in the morning and started telling you everything. Your work colleague was like, that project's due right now. Sounds like an email you probably got. Your boss walks in and says, hey, where were you last Friday? Did you get that report done?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
All of a sudden, that sounds like a message you got as well. Then your mom's checking in with you. How was your weekend? I hope you're well. Then your friends are checking with you. How did your date go? I hope it was okay. Right? You've got all these things that you're waking up to. And chances are, You went to bed late. That dopamine detox can save you. Why?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Because it resets your brain's dopamine levels, reducing the need for instant gratification and helping you focus better throughout the day. So many of us don't realize that we all have something that's known as decision fatigue. It means the more decisions you make per day, the more tired you get of making decisions.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
And here's the thing, if you're making lots of small decisions in the morning, do I reply to this message? Do I need to check that email? Do I need to go and look on Instagram? Should I reply to this comment right now? What haven't I not posted?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
All of a sudden you're using up your brain's power for all of these small insignificant decisions that by the time it gets to the morning in the middle of the day where you may actually have to make some bigger decisions in life, you have lowered your ability, energy, and capacity to actually do that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Don't waste all of your decision, focus, and energy on small, insignificant, irrelevant decisions. So what I want to do here is a dopamine detox with a dopamine swap. I want to give you a better way of getting dopamine. Here's the experiment. Step number two, step outside within 10 minutes of waking up and let the natural light hit your eyes. No sunglasses.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Morning sunshine signals to your brain that it's time to wake up, regulates your circadian rhythm, and boosts dopamine, the motivation chemical. And bonus tip, if you can't go outside, stand near a bright window or use a daylight lamp. I've been using the Hatch on darker days where the hatch has this beautiful light that comes on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
It doesn't feel like the harsh lights that you put on in your room or in your home or in your apartment. It mimics that of the sun coming in through your window. If you can do natural sunlight, obviously that's best. But this is a really beautiful start to the day. Get that dopamine for the sun. Notice how none of these things take too long. Don't look at your phone for five minutes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
But every day we let a hundred notifications, news stories, updates, messages, walk into the bedroom of our mind. Think about that for a second. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty. Ha ha. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host, Jay Shetty, and I'm so excited that you're back to listen, learn, and grow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Step outside for five minutes. That's all it takes. I promise you that when you give your mind that peace and quiet, that gentle awakening in the morning, it will set you up for success. Because now you're not stressed, you're not feeling pressure, you're not waking up with this feeling of already being behind. How many of you wake up feeling behind? It's not your fault.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
The world will make you feel that way. You wake up and you've already got 29 messages and you're thinking, I'm so behind. Taking that five minute gap in the morning resets your brain to say, I'm not behind. I'm actually going to be able to be more productive, more decisive, more effective because I'm not rushing. When you're rushing, you make mistakes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
When you're peaceful, you make better decisions. When you're rushing around, you forget stuff. When you take a moment to take a breath, you're going to remember everything you need to. Allowing yourself that space doesn't make you lose five minutes. It potentially could make you gain five hours back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Because think about how many things you rush through, break through, make mistakes on because you're just trying to get out of bed. Now, this one may be a bit challenging for you all, but I'm going to set it out because it can be amazing. It's called the cold shock reset. Here's the experiment. End your shower with around 30 seconds of cold water.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
And you can challenge yourself every week to increase the time daily from 30 seconds to 60 seconds, whatever it may be. And why do you do this? It boosts your mood. It improves circulation. It jump starts energy levels like a natural espresso shot. It's super simple. Listen to this. Cold exposure increases dopamine by 250%. It improves circulation and gives you an instant mental reset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
And if a full cold shower is too much for you, you can do the hot cold sandwich. Start warm, turn cold, and then go warm again. Just giving yourself that experience. So many of us are tired. We're feeling heavy. We're feeling drained. We're feeling overworked. And that cold shock reset for 30 seconds, just 30 seconds. That's all I'm asking you to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
I'm not telling you to do a cold plunge and sit in a tub for three to four minutes. A 30 seconds in the shower can totally revitalize you. Totally revitalize you. And then another hydration one. Instead of reaching for coffee first, drink a large glass of water with a pinch of sea salt, maybe a bit of lemon. And if you can do it at room temperature or warmer, that's even better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
And why does it work? After seven hours of sleep, your body feels dehydrated, which can make you feel groggy. And electrolytes from salt and vitamin C from lemon jumpstart hydration and energy. And if you're one of those people who really wants to go all the way, you can add a few drops of chlorophyll for an extra detox boost as well. That's how water can change your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
The 30 seconds in the shower and taking water before you take anything else. It's these tiny, small habits. that stop us from feeling like we're pulling ourselves through the day or pushing ourselves through the day. but actually we're able to perform and power through the rest of the day. It's these little things that affect our mood, affect our mindset, affect our body.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
We think, oh, wow, I'm not motivated. I'm not engaged. Yeah, that could be the case, but give yourself the best chemical chance. Give yourself the best biological chance to succeed and win throughout the day. Now, the next one is movement. The one move power shift. Here's the experiment. Do one explosive movement, jump squat, clap push up, high knee sprint in place for just 10 to 15 seconds.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
10 to 15 seconds. Jump squat, clap push up, high energy sprint in place for just 10 to 15 seconds. Then stand tall, take a deep breath and feel the energy surge. Why does it work? Just one high intensity move sends a surge of adrenaline, dopamine, and oxygen to your brain, like an instant shot without the crash.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
And if you want to upgrade it, you can pair it with a power phrase like, I'm built for this. Let's go. Let's do this. Whatever it is that works for you. One explosive movement can reset your energy. We underestimate the value of small changes and we overestimate the value of big steps. We think if I can't get a 30 minute workout, what is 10 to 15 minutes going to do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
As always, I'm so deeply grateful that you've taken out the time to connect here, and I hope you're loving all the episodes. It's so exciting that I'll actually be going out on tour with the podcast across North America this year. That means you can come and watch me live with a surprise guest, do an interview on stage, ask questions, and be a part of the show.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
What is 10 to 15 seconds going to do? I'll tell you this. You start doing 10 to 15 seconds and you feel the benefit. You want to do five minutes. You want to do 10 minutes. You want to do 15 minutes. That's how confidence builds. You do something that is achievable, that's manageable, that you win at, and then you want to win again and again and again. Think about it in any sport.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to NOT Feel Tired & Focus Your Mind
Someone didn't play Wimbledon on the first day of the tennis tour. They played their local tournament. Maybe they even started at their school. And then they upgraded all the way through to the Grand Slams. You look at the most amazing athletes on the planet. They didn't start their career at the Super Bowl. They didn't start their career at the World Cup. They played local.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
We glance at our favorite websites. We scroll through photos and advertisements. We text instead of a call and call instead of a meeting. What is noise if not a soundtrack to our lives that interferes with what we should really be doing? Which is to say, being attentive to ourselves and those around us. One thing I want to leave behind in 2024 is the role I've allowed noise to play in my life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Noise refers to everything that is distracting, alluring, and diverting. The blinking silver bells of technology and the pressure it puts on me not to walk, but to skip, to skim, and to speed read. A process deliberately designed to leave me and all of us wanting more and always playing catch up. Eliminating noise is one of the things I plan on leaving behind in 2024.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Number six, before I say this, I want to just put in a disclaimer because I think people may see it as me being defeatist, but it's not that, it's me being a realist. I would call it the concept, not the idea or the fight for it. but the concept of how I see justice. So I still want to fight for justice, but the concept of it is different.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Many of us want to believe that the world makes sense, that justice is a silent and animating presence in our lives. The idea that there may not be justice in the world makes most of us incredibly anxious. And when I say justice, I'm not talking about the judiciary or the local police and fire services.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
I mean the idea, no doubt borrowed from movies and TV shows, that people who work hard are certain to get ahead. That if you keep plugging away at something, you're guaranteed to see success. That if you do everything in your power to salvage a relationship, that relationship will probably succeed. The thing is, as we know, life doesn't always work out this way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Causes and effects are far more random than we're comfortable admitting. Sometimes we have to face the fact that people we don't respect, for mysterious and inexplicable reasons, manage to triumph, while other good people worthy of respect fall short. That justice sometimes operates as we believe it should, but just as often doesn't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
When we illusion the world, the likelier we are to find it disillusioning when the equations we hold in our head don't work out as we'd expected them to. What I'm leaving behind in 2024 is the idea of justice as an organizing principle of the universe. Sometimes things work out the way we expect and want them to, other times they don't. And the reasons why are mysterious.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
And perhaps that is a kind of justice. Actually, the universe does have justice, just not in the way we think about the math. So what does that mean? I would encourage us to walk away from waiting for justice and focusing on patterns. How can we study and create and build passions that will make that difference in our lives? That's what I'd consider. That's what I'd think about.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Getting serious about light and dark is number five. Getting a good night's sleep matters. It's essential, in fact, to our physical and mental health, helps us maintain a healthy immune system, keeps our stress levels in check, and improves our thinking and processing. If we don't get enough of it, it can lead to fatigue, anger, poor focus, lowered productivity.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Doesn't it feel like every year just gets faster and faster and faster and time truly does travel in a way that we can't comprehend? And I think when it comes around to the new year, a lot of us are thinking about New Year's resolutions. We're thinking about new habits. And those are all great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
There's so many things connected to the quality of our sleep. It even contributes to health conditions like diabetes, obesity, and cardiovascular disease. But growing research and evidence shows that sleep is even more crucial than any of us imagined.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Today, science supports the idea that sleep is the absolute foundation of our mental and physical health, that it is or should be the primary determinant of the success of every one of our human endeavors. This means it's important to differentiate, really differentiate, between lightness and darkness. First, let's talk about light. It is two separate components.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
People who try to get light in their eyes first thing in the morning, whether they're sitting outside or next to a strong SADS lamp, example one with at least 10,000 lux, meaning not a bedside lamp or the light that comes from screens, have dramatically better, fitter mental health than those who don't make getting morning light a priority.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
20 minutes is all anyone needs, with sunlight being the best source. Studies show that getting light first thing in the morning also has a positive effect on people who suffer from anxiety and depression. Access strong light early in the day, and you will feel stronger and more invigorated, thereby setting the stage for a better night's sleep. A good night's sleep starts in the morning.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Cut to nighttime, where the presence of light plays havoc with a good night's sleep. Studies show that if we keep our bedroom environment as dark as possible, we will see the benefits in our own mental health. At night, dim all the lights, avoid screens for at least an hour before bedtime, and that includes reading on your Kindle. Invest in a sleep mask.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
A big element of insomnia has to do with our nighttime exposure to light. Light, dark. Simple as that. A simple change I plan to adapt in 2025. Number four is self-criticism. We all have a judge and a jury in our own heads. You should have done this. You should have done that. You messed up. You're late. Sometimes that voice in our head is useful and potentially productive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
It keeps us working hard, disciplined, and helps keep the trains running on time. but it can blur into something else too. A monologue of self-denigration, the accusation that you never measured up to your own standards. Like most people, I can fall into this myself. Sometimes, and in 2024, my goal is to leave this kind of inside talk behind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
I can't help but think back to something someone said to me once. Imagine yourself talking to a friend or someone you just met at a party the same way you address yourself inside your own head. Chances are your friend would burst into tears and walk away, and the person at the party would excuse himself or herself to go refresh their drink in the hopes they never have to talk to you again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
This was sound advice. In 2025, I'll retain the right quality of self-criticism, the kind that makes me better, kinder, more positive, and more productive. But as for the other darker stuff, I'll remember to ask myself, are you treating yourself the same way you do a close friend? And that doesn't mean that you don't need tough love sometimes. It doesn't mean you don't need a push or a nudge.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
What it means is we don't have to denigrate ourself in a way that we wouldn't talk to anyone we love. Number three is waiting for the perfect time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
It's so easy to put our goals aside, to wait for the perfect time, almost as though we're expecting a lightning bolt and a rack of thunder to rumble overhead, a signal that it's time to go ahead with our plans to travel and to pursue our passions and start that thing we've been putting off for longer than we remember.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
But one of the things I've realized over the years is that in order to make space for new habits, new ideas, new routines, new skills, new abilities, we have to leave things behind. We have to make space by letting go. We're not always going to be able to find new patterns, new routines, new habits if we still have old ideas, old mindsets, and old thought processes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
I'll do it as soon as we tell ourselves, as soon as the weather changes, as soon as the car gets fixed, as soon as I feel more settled. We all do this, and sometimes I find myself doing it as well. Waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect time, the perfect sequence of months. Well, everyone who's listening right now, there's no such thing as the perfect time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
There's no such thing as the perfect moment. There's no such thing as the perfect anything. Perfect is a concept taken from eternity. Perfect is a concept that we've subscribed to for far too long. And it's blocking us from starting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Don't let perfect stop you from starting Don't let perfect stop you from creating Don't let perfect stop you from trying Don't let perfect stop you from practice Don't let perfect stop you from progress Don't let perfect stop you from understanding your potential. If you wait for the perfect time to do something, I can guarantee you'll be waiting for the rest of your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
In 2025, I am pledging that I will no longer put important things, things I want to do off. Life is long, but it's also over before you know it. Start what you want to do now. Number two, as we get down to the final two, number two. When we hear the words mediocre or mediocrity, our minds go back to school or college.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
We associate mediocre with so-so grades, B minuses and C pluses, and with sloppiness or an absence of effort. Who would ever want to be mediocre? We wouldn't ever want to be a mediocre partner, mediocre friends, a mediocre job, a mediocre car, or even a mediocre dog or cat. Fair enough. But I'm not using the word mediocre in the conventional sense.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
I'm using it in the sense of finding balance in our overstressed, over-busy, often imbalanced lives. I know I'm not alone in occasionally going to extremes. traveling too much, working too much, exercising too much. It's almost as though if I don't, a voice will show up in my head, chastising me for my lack of discipline, for not putting enough effort, for letting another person down.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
I wonder sometimes, who's that person, that voice I'm at risk of letting down? Is it me or is it a phantom parent or teacher from my past? Is it real or is it a silhouette, an archetype? What would happen if I listened to my own voice in an effort to figure out what feels right to me? Or is the other voice my voice too?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
What if I fought back every time that voice, that internal twist in my own personality pushed me to tip over extremes? Which brings me back to mediocrity. The word comes from the Latin medius, meaning middle. Ochris refers to a steep or rugged mountain. Mediocre simply means in the middle of the mountain, not at the summit, not at the base camp, halfway there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Yes, there are some areas in my life where I will continually strive to reach the top, and once I do that, to ascend the pinnacle of the next mountain, and the next one after that. But there is value in remembering that once you separate the word mediocre from how most of us define it, it simply means that you have found balance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
And balance in our lives, our relationships, our work, and our well-being is what we all seek to attain, isn't it? And finally, number one, stop fighting fate. There's a wonderful paper written by a philosopher in the 19th century.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
He wrote words to the effect that as we get closer to the end of our lives and look back on the decades that have gone by and the people, places, and experiences that played a part in them, it's as though a cohesive narrative stretches out before us, an inevitable shape, even though some things felt accidental and random at the time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
This thing led to that thing and that thing led to this meeting and this person and that person and before I knew it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
What this philosopher was trying to communicate was that while we are all the heroes and protagonists of our own lives, it can be hard to shake the feeling that a co-creator also played a part because the form and the format makes such intuitive, remarkable sense when we look back on it. You can call this co-creator God or a guardian angel or angel numbers or the universe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
But the point is, there seemed to be a direction that our lives were supposed to take. And our goal is to go with that direction, not against it. That doesn't mean we're passive or that we lack agency. or should ever play the victim. It's simply a reminder to trust our intuition, to remember that what happens in our life, good or bad, is happening not to us, but for us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
For reasons we may not at the time understand, but we will later, when we look back on our lives and see how much their shape resembles a book with a well-composed storyline, vivid characters, unexpected turns, and one can only hope, a satisfying ending. This is a good lesson for all of us in 2025.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
One of my favorite stories told by the Buddha is about a person who is on a journey. And on their journey, they come across their first obstacle. Just like you and me, they have a challenge in their way. Their challenge happens to be a fast-flowing river. And this person knows that if they dip their toe in, They'll be swept away with the current. So they decide to craft a raft. They find bamboo.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
To take things day by day, do battle when it's called for, but remember that by and large, most things turn out all right in the end. Don't fight fate. And if you do, remember that battle may play a part in that same fate. Thank you so much for listening. I want to thank each and every one of you for dedicating hours and hours and hours of your time in 2024 to listening to the podcast.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Take On Purpose with you as your friend, as your companion, as your support into 2025. I promise you we are just getting started. I am so excited for the future of this podcast. We're working on something all the time for you to make it more special, more deep, more profound. I can't wait to see you in 2025. And I hope a lot of you will join me on my podcast live tour. I can't wait for that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
And remember, I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you. Thank you. If you love this episode, you will also love my interview with Charles Duhigg on how to hack your brain, change any habit effortlessly, and the secret to making better decisions.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
They find some wood. They find some rope. They tie it together. They lay it down. They even make themselves an oar. And then they paddle with all their might and all their energy just to get to the other side. And finally, after lots of paddling, lots of pushing, they make it to the other side. And they think to themselves, this raft saved my life. I always want this raft to be with me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
I can't leave it behind. So they strap the raft to their back and continue to walk. Now, just like all of us have more than one challenge in our life, this person too comes to their next challenge. And their next challenge isn't a fast-flowing river. It's a tall, wooded forest with trees dotted at every other step.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
As they're trying to maneuver and move through the forest, the raft that's strapped to their back is getting stuck. It's getting chipped. They're trying to navigate and they're trying to shift and move, but the raft keeps getting damaged and they keep falling back. The Buddha says that this person has an important choice to make.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
They either hold on to the raft and struggle to get through, or they put down the raft and walk through freely. The Buddha says that we also have the same dilemma and choice in life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
We can either hold on to old mindsets that helped us in the past, old ideas that served us in the past, old habits that may have made sense in the past, and we can struggle to move forward, or we can recognize that we can always rebuild that raft. put it down, and walk through freely, developing new skills, new mindsets, new ideas.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
The Buddha said that on this occasion, this person put down their raft and walked through freely. This is what today's episode is about. What am I letting go and leaving behind of in 2024? If I truly want 2025 to be a new year, What old parts of me do I have to leave behind? If I truly want to build a new year's resolution or habit, which old ones do I want to leave behind?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
And if I truly want to create a new life, which old mindsets am I willing to leave behind? And so I wanted to talk about this in the hope that you'll also reflect on what's something that you realize no longer serves you? What's something that isn't helping you to move forward, push forward? What is it that is actually holding you back?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
As the famous Zen saying goes, what's holding us back is what we're holding on to. What is your raft and how can you leave it behind? Number 10 as to what I'm leaving behind in 2024 is avoiding making mistakes. This is a world and a culture that favors people who take risks. Those risks can be personal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
For example, deciding, as my wife and I did around eight years ago, to upend our lives and move to a new country, a new city. They can be professional, like deciding to launch a small business or write the screenplay you've always dreamed about writing or experimenting with a new hobby, whether it's learning how to play the guitar or learn Italian or become a birdwatcher.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
But often what gets in the way of our taking those risks is our fear of making mistakes. More specifically, our fear of future regret. We tell ourselves that if we make the wrong decision, it will be with us for the rest of our lives and we'll lose all respect for ourselves and so will everyone else. I'm here to tell you that's just not true.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
If you look at any life or any career or anyone who has ever taken a positive risk that paid off, you will find that the pavement they walk to get to the place is literally littered with mistakes. Mistakes are a part of life. I don't know about you, but I've never been 37 years old before. So of course I'm going to make mistakes, just as I did when I was 27 and 17.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Let's also remember that some of the greatest inventions in history, most of them in fact, came as the direct result of mistakes and accidents. Velcro, potato chips, pacemakers, the microwave oven. In 2025, more than ever, I want to let go of the idea that mistakes are bad things and instead lean into them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
As Alexander Fleming, the doctor who discovered penicillin by mistake, said about his discovery, One sometimes finds what one is not looking for. What I've found is that anyone who moved fast, anyone who grew fast, made mistakes. And if we didn't make mistakes, it means we were moving too slow. And chances are we weren't happy with that pace of growth. You will make mistakes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
You can't avoid mistakes. The biggest mistake is to try to never make a mistake. The biggest mistake is to be so scared of other people's judgment that you don't try something new. The biggest mistake is to let go of your dreams because of how you think other people will think about you. You will make mistakes. Start that podcast anyway. You will make mistakes. Write that book anyway.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
You will make mistakes. Start making content anyway. You will make mistakes. Move cities anyway. You will make mistakes. Do it anyway. Because if you try to avoid making mistakes, nothing will change and nothing will happen. Number nine, I want to leave self-consciousness behind and take forward consciousness and awareness.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
We live in a world of our own construction, a kingdom that lives inside our own heads, so to speak. We don't see the world as it is, someone once said. We see it as we are. Realize that everyone around you is wearing a lens that determines and influences how they see the world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Yes, we can all agree on certain things, a concept known as consensual reality, but most of the time the lenses of others will in no way resemble yours.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
I say this because when we go to the supermarket or go shopping for a new outfit or go on a bike ride, our very human tendency is to believe we are the center of the world and the center of attention and that all eyes are on us, which of course makes sense since we are the center of our own attention. Well, guess what?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
No one's watching or judging you with as much focus or in as much detail as you're observing yourself. Another example of consensual reality is that despite the glasses each of us is born wearing, other people are a lot like us in the sense they're focused mostly on themselves and wondering what you think of them, which is why I'll leave any traces of self-consciousness behind me in 2024.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
The best part, no one's going to notice but me. See, what I mean by this is you are fearful because you're scared of what people will think. You're not chasing your dreams because you're scared of what people will think. You're not pursuing your passion because you're scared of what people will think. You're not listening to your inner voice because
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
because you're concerned about everyone else's noise. And when you think about that, you realize that that person thought about you for two minutes, maybe once a year, maybe two minutes once a month, maybe two minutes once a week, maybe two minutes once a day. But most of their time was spent thinking about themselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
No one's really thinking about you because they're thinking about themselves more. No one's really judging you for that long because they're judging themselves more. No one's really criticizing you that much because they're criticizing themselves more. Give them and yourself some grace and compassion. Leave that self-consciousness that blocks you behind because it's not serving anyone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
The number eight goes to the belief that busy is good. Have you ever called up a friend or a colleague and asked them how they're doing or how their day's going? Nine times out of 10, they'll tell you that they're busy, that they have virtually no time to themselves, that they're juggling a bunch of different projects and have 125 unread emails in their inbox.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
If you're expecting to hear the word, I'm fine, Jay, thanks for asking, what about you? Odds are you won't, or maybe a quick text message. Instead, you will most likely hear the word busy. Busy in today's culture has become a badge of honor, a flag of sorts. It communicates to the world that we're popular, in demand, and more indirectly, probably extremely good at what we do for a living.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Now, it can also make us feel like that's how we feel value. Hey, I'm busy. I've got lots on. And that's how we define our own value. It says that we're plugged in, connected, and on the fast track in our careers and professions, or that we've just got an overwhelming amount of stuff to do. That we want some attention. We want to be seen. We want to be heard. And there's just too much going on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
When asked how you are, do you say busy? I fear that a lot of the time, without thinking about it, I do. And it's a response and a concept I'm eager to leave behind in 2024 for many reasons. First, busy isn't everything. In fact, busy is oftentimes misused.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Busy can be a defense, a form of sublimination, a way of ignoring other things you should be thinking about, like your happiness or your mood state or your mental or physical health. Finally, what does it say about us as a culture that when someone asks us sincerely how we're doing,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
personal question we reply in a professional capacity that we're busy and what about you are you busy too in 2025 if someone calls to ask how i'm doing i plan on giving them a straight honest answer in the spirit of how the question was asked one that has nothing to do with what's on my desk or in my calendar try it for yourself you might be surprised by the words that come out of your mouth
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
I think one of the biggest things I've seen here is that it's about how we believe we're valuable. So I would encourage you to all think about that. Do you feel you're valuable? Do you feel your day is effective and your day is a success because you're busy? Or do you actually end the day and realize that a busy day was not a beautiful day?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
A busy day maybe didn't even lead to the achievements and the effectiveness you wanted to have. And so really, really take a moment to think about it. Really, really take a moment to figure out what do you want the answer to that question to be? It may be like I've got a lot on, but do you have a lot on because you think having a lot on is the right way to think about life?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Now, we all have a lot to do. We all have a lot going on. But actually, are you just very organized? Are you prioritized? Are you being effective? Are you being productive? What's the language that you want to use that creates a healthy relationship with yourself and the idea of being busy? Now, number seven, turning down the noise. When you think about it, noise surrounds us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
We wake up in the morning to traffic sounds, maybe a leaf blower or a lawnmower coming from the neighbor's house. We hear the drip of the coffee maker, a dog barking, the sounds of children. Later, meeting a friend for brunch in a local food spot, we're surrounded by the clink of silverware, the clash of plates and bowls being set down or whisked away, the murmur and squall of other people talking.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
No one's really judging you for that long because they're judging themselves more. No one's really criticizing you that much because they're criticizing themselves more. Give them and yourself some grace and compassion. Leave that self-consciousness that blocks you behind. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host Jay Shetty and I can't believe it's the end of another year.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
Music plays overhead constantly. It sometimes seems that wherever we go, a clothing store, a gas station, a coffee shop, a restaurant, a gym, a song is playing, as if the riskiest thing in the world is for any of us to be alone with our own thoughts. But when I talk about noise, I'm not just talking about what comes in through our ears.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
10 Things I Am Leaving Behind in 2024 to Make Space for 2025
I'm also talking about what is consumed by our eyes and our attention and how the culture we inhabit seems intent on fragmenting the information we absorb, dividing it by two, then four, then ten, then a hundred. It's the opposite of depth, the opposite of learning and remembering. Instead, this kind of noise focuses on the surfaces of things. We scan headlines.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
you will feel like every word you say and every act and every thought and every behavior is under scrutiny. This is known as the spotlight effect, where you feel that your whole life is constantly being analyzed. So before someone else can analyze you, you analyze yourself. You filter yourself, you edit yourself, you overthink yourself, and now guess what?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
You get more and more distant from the person you are. you're not responsible for how other people perceive you. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism give you a natural kick of caffeine combat stress pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function even better juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can we believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. The third thing you're not responsible for is fixing people's problems. You can offer support, but you can't solve it. You can be patient, but you can't take away their pain.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. You're not responsible for someone's insecurity.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
You can be helpful, but you can't fix. The number one reason most of us want to fix other people's problems is to make ourselves feel better. It's the harsh truth, but we all know it's real. I feel that way as well. I spent years trying to solve and fix people's problems. I cared for them. I loved them. I didn't want them to feel pain. What did I actually do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
I stole their ability to solve their own problems. I took away their independence and strength to deal with what they were going through. I thought it was either or. Either I'm on the sidelines or I'm fully deep in there trying to save them, not realizing that it required a bit from them. It required them to find themselves. Now, this doesn't mean I need to hide from them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
It didn't mean I need to distance myself from them. It means I need to understand the difference between support and solution. We need to understand the difference between focusing your energy and trying to fix. When you get lost trying to fix someone else's problems, you're rattling off all these solutions, all these multiple steps they can take, and maybe they'll be lucky if they can take it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
What we don't get too often is the root of why they can't solve it. You could give someone all the best solutions in the world and they could still make no shift. because what's blocking them is their own belief in themselves. What's blocking them is them worrying about what people think. What's blocking them is them worrying about how they're gonna be seen, how they're gonna be looked at.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
I was talking to a friend the other day And it dawned on me how many people are scared to put up a post or a video or a piece of content because they're worried about what their friends will think. You can fix their problem by solving it, sending them all the videos, giving them advice, whatever it may be, but that's the root of their issue.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
You may have a family member who wants to be healthier and you're sending them everything. Here's the article, here's the podcast, here's the blog, here's the everything. And that person just feels overwhelmed by the information because what they need to do is take one step, not catch up with you. I was saying this to a friend this morning on a walk.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
We were talking about why it often feels like it takes people around us so long to understand us. And I was sharing this analogy with him. I said to him, it's like when you've just finished watching season four of an amazing show. And you're telling all your friends, hey, you need to watch this show. It's amazing. I love it. It's incredible. And now they've got to spend all that time catching up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
So you're at season four, you've finished it, and they're at season one. And not everyone is going to go on that journey with you. So you're not responsible to fix everyone's problems. You can only tell them what could work, but you can't fix it. That person has to watch the show, right? That person has to make the time. The person has to commit to all the episodes of the show.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
And that's entertainment, let alone growth. So I can't fix it. I can't solve it for you. You have to put in work. And often we'll sit there and we'll just be sitting there going, how do I fix this? What do I do? What can I say? What can I do? What is the perfect thing I can say? I used to have a client who used to say that to me all the time. He'd say, Jay, you always say the perfect thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
Can you teach me how to always say the perfect thing? And I remember saying to him, I said, first of all, I don't always say the perfect thing. And if I do, it's because I'm present. It's not because I'm trying to say the perfect thing. You don't say the right thing because you're trying to say the right thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
You say the right thing because you're so conscious, aligned and present in that moment that you can truly resonate with that person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
You can't fix what's broken inside them. That's their work to do. You're not responsible for their unrealistic expectations. You decide your limits, not their impossible standards. You're not responsible for their misplaced anger. Their reaction isn't your fault. Don't hold on to guilt that isn't yours. The number one health and wellness podcast.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
Number four, you are not responsible for living up to others' expectations. Because guess what? You never will. Even if you try to live up to other people's expectations, you never will. You will let people down. Even if you try your hardest not to, they'll be disappointed, they'll be disheartened, even if you try your best.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
Because the truth is we can't read anyone's mind and no one can read ours. It's not possible for me to check off every box of the expectation you have. How many of you have ever tried to plan something for a family member or a friend? Maybe it's a surprise birthday. Maybe it's getting a gift. Maybe it's a vacation or a getaway.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
And maybe you tried to plan it meticulously, but there was something along the way that person said, oh, that flight was too long. Oh, the hotel bed wasn't comfortable. Oh, you know, like I like that music, but it's not my favorite type. Oh, you know, I don't really love chocolate cake. You know, whatever it is, like you couldn't possibly know everyone's preference.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
And we feel very responsible to live up to other people's expectations. Some people expect you to get a certain job, so you chase it your whole life, only to realize it's not the job you want. Some people want you to find a certain partner, so you chase a particular type of partner, only to realize you have nothing in common with them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
Some people in your life will expect you to have children, and you may have children because of that expectation, only to realize you weren't ready to be a parent. When you pursue and chase things that other people expect of you, even if you get them, they won't be happy and neither will you. How can you be happy chasing someone else's priority?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
How could you ever be joyful chasing someone else's life? So don't feel responsible for other people's expectations because those are the expectations they often had of themselves. Sometimes it's not even that they want you to have a good career. They want to be friends with someone who has a good career.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
They want to be able to tell their friends that you're having a child, that you're getting married, whatever it may be. I remember not going to my graduation ceremony. I graduated, but I didn't go to the event where you get the scroll and you wear the hat and all the rest of it. And my mom never got that picture.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
And I remember my mom would say to me, she'd say, all my friends have pictures of their kids graduating. I don't have a picture of you graduating. And it's a really, really interesting thought because it was this expectation she had of me. Now, it's not the biggest deal and my mom's wonderful, but there's that feeling that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
I would have had to either be at my graduation ceremony or at that point I was living as a monk in India. And now when I look back at that, I think, wow, it's so obvious I made the right decision. But if I tried to live up to our expectation, I would have made the wrong choice. I remember growing up, my parents really wanted me to study sciences.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
They would have loved for me to study biology and chemistry and physics. And instead, I studied art and design and economics and sociology and philosophy. And those were the subjects I was attracted to. And now when I look back, I think, wait a minute, if I would have lived up to their expectation, I would have been further away from myself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to listen, learn, and grow. I'm your host, Jay Shetty, and today we're talking about the things you're not responsible for. I don't know about you, but I feel like we all carry and feel responsible for more than we can hold. Sometimes the weight feels so heavy and we're trying to carry our parents' expectations.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
The closer you get to living up to other people's expectations, the further away you are from yourself. The closer you get to checking off everyone else's list, the further away you are from knowing what's on yours. The closer you get to winning in the eyes of others, the further away you are from winning in your own eyes. We're actually losing. You lose a part of yourself
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
When you try to meet someone else's expectation of you that you don't value, stop feeling like you're responsible for other people's expectations. Those expectations come from their expectations of their own, their expectations of their life, the expectations they adopted from their parents, the expectations that they've adopted from their community.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
And make sure that the expectations you're setting are the ones you want to commit your life to. Number five, you're not responsible for how others decide to treat you. Their mood isn't your job. Their actions aren't your fault. You don't have to manage someone else's bad day. Their behavior is about them. It doesn't say anything about who you are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
You're not responsible for making someone else grow up. Maturity is their journey. You don't have to carry that burden. I think often we feel very, very responsible for how people treat us. We feel that the way they behave with us is a sign of who we are. I was speaking to someone last week who said the person that broke up with them has made them feel like they're not lovable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
I was speaking to someone else a couple of months ago and they were saying that their manager is making them feel like they don't have any value. And the reality is if you have a relationship with someone, it's worth checking. I want to understand where this is coming from. I want to recognize and know if the way you're treating me Where's it coming from? What's beneath this?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
Because usually you'll find some people don't have a good reason at all. They were angry. They were tired. They were exhausted. And you were receiving their anger, their exhaustion, and their fatigue. You weren't receiving what you deserved. You were receiving what they were dealing with because they didn't give themselves the rest they deserved. Think about that for a second.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
You were receiving not what you deserved, but you were receiving what they were experiencing. People don't treat you how you deserve to be treated. They treat you how they treat themselves. The way people treat you is not a reflection of you. It's a reflection of how they see themselves and what they're feeling.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
The way people treat you shows you how that person is living right now, not how you're performing. You can't be responsible for how others decide to treat you because then you'd be responsible for their entire life. You'd have to manage their morning, their evening, their day, their relationships. You'd have to manage everything in order to hope that they treat you right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
And sometimes maybe even we do that. We try and over-manage, we try and over-monitor, we try and over-control someone to hope that they'll treat us better, only to realize nothing changes. And then we wonder, why is nothing changing? I'm doing everything right. Well, because there's something internally that that person's going through that we don't have control over.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
So I want this episode to be a reminder. You're not responsible for someone's insecurity. You can't fix what's broken inside them. That's their work to do. You're not responsible for their unrealistic expectations. You decide your limits, not their impossible standards. You're not responsible for their misplaced anger. Their reaction isn't your fault. Don't hold on to guilt that isn't yours.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
We're trying to carry the responsibilities that we have on a day-to-day basis. We're trying to carry people's emotions and feelings and pain. And it can often feel like it's just weighing so heavy. And at the end of trying to carry all of this, you just feel like falling and breaking down.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
You're not responsible for someone else's happiness. Their joy isn't your job. You've got your own heart to take care of. And you're not responsible for other people misunderstanding you. You don't have to prove yourself. Your truth is enough. And you're not responsible for making them respect your boundaries. Set them clearly and firmly. Enforcing them isn't selfish. It's necessary.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
And you're not responsible for anyone else's approval. Their validation doesn't define you because you're already enough exactly as you are. I hope you'll pass this episode on because sometimes we just need these reminders because we're all carrying that weight. And I hope this frees up yours. Thank you for listening to On Purpose. Leave a review. Share this episode with a friend.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
And remember, I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you. If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
I'm sure you felt the same way, where you feel like the weight you're carrying is getting heavier every single year. And the weight of people's expectations, opinions, obligations, whatever it may be, never ever stops. In fact, it just continues to grow and accelerate as time goes on. As you listen to this episode today, I want it to be freeing. I want you to feel lighter.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
I want you to feel liberated. As you listen to this episode, I want you to feel like you can actually move and think and have space to create. Because what we don't realize is when we feel responsible for things that we don't need to be responsible for, we are blocked. Our creativity is blocked. Our passions are blocked. Our time is blocked.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
So much of our intuition is blocked because we're making space and room for everything else. So the first thing that I want to talk about, the first thing you're not responsible for is other people's feelings. You can respect them. but their emotional reactions aren't yours to carry or fix. You can be kind to people, but people will still feel hurt.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
You can be present with people, but they can still feel distant. You can be thoughtful, but people will still feel unheard. you are not responsible for other people's feelings.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
I remember being that person where I would overanalyze every text, every email, every message, every interaction to say things perfectly, to say things in a way that there would be no opportunity for misinterpretation or fallout. And guess what? People were still upset. people were still hurt. Not because I wanted them to be hurt. If anything, I was trying to avoid that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
But I found that I'm not responsible for other people's feelings. If someone wants to be hurt, they'll be hurt no matter what you say. If someone wants to be mad at you, they'll be mad at you no matter what you say. If someone wants to feel upset with you, they'll feel upset with you no matter what you say or do. If someone has made their mind up about how they feel about you,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
there is nothing you can do to fix it. You can be kind, you can be respectful, you can try, but you can't be responsible for their feelings because why? If you're responsible for their feelings, your time, your energy starts to follow theirs. If they're in a good mood, you're in a good mood. If they're in a bad mood, you're in a bad mood. If they're high energy, you're high energy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
If they're low energy, you're low energy. Constantly, we feel our highs and lows are mirroring the highs and lows of the person we're tied to. Often the hardest people to do this with is our parents. We feel responsible for our parents' feelings.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
So when your parents going through something really, really difficult, maybe they're going through a transition, maybe they're going through a shift or a change, And all of a sudden, not only are you constantly thinking about their feelings, you feel responsible for them. You feel it's your job to make today a great day for them. You try and change everything. You change your whole routine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
You call them first thing in the morning. You put aside other tasks. And by the way, this is all well-intentioned. And it's a beautiful act of love. But what we don't realize is we haven't helped them develop the emotional skills and tools they need. You're trying to be a mood shifter, a mood changer for that person, rather than putting the control in their hand.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
It's almost like saying, hey, I'll decide what to watch tonight. Hey, I'll decide what to order tonight. And sure, it can be great to create that space in the short term, But long-term, the goal is to equip that person with the ability to make choices about their own feelings. Trust me when I say this. This is not about being hard-hearted. It's not about not caring.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
It's not about not loving someone you really, really love. It's about recognizing that real love is helping someone learn how to choose their feelings and emotions. You're not helping someone if you're debilitating them. You're not helping someone if they're dependent on you to feel good. If someone's dependent on you to feel good, you have not helped them, you've stalled them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
Think about that for a second. If someone is dependent on you to feel happy, you have not helped them, you've actually hurt them. Because that means when you're not available, when you're not accessible, when you're not capable, when you don't have time or space, that person can't find that joy. I'm sure that's not what you want for them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
So we don't want to feel responsible for other people's feelings. We want to feel connected in helping them, supporting them, being there for them, but not responsible. Because when you're responsible for it, you then take it into your own life and start to carry it. The second thing you're not responsible for is how people perceive you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
You can say everything right and people will still think you're wrong. You can speak the truth and people will still think you're lying. You can try to explain yourself and people will still misunderstand you. You are not responsible for how people perceive you. They might base it off a first impression, something someone else said, something they heard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
If someone chooses to perceive you based on another person's opinion of you, that means they don't want to get to know you. Let me say that again. If someone bases their perception of you based on how another person perceives you, they don't actually want to get to know you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
If someone told you that someone else was lazy, disorganized, and you take their word for it, it means you don't want to make the time or the energy to actually get to know that person. Because chances are, if you did get to know them, you might realize that just like all of us, they're lazy in some ways, but they're organized in other ways.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
So if we're using people as our shortcuts to learn about people, then guess what? We don't want to deeply get to know that person. So you're not responsible for how people perceive you because people will perceive you through all sorts of ways. Think about this for a second. What's the one word someone would use to describe you if they saw you but didn't speak to you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
Second question, how would someone describe you in one word if they spoke to you for a few minutes? Now, imagine if someone spoke to you for a few hours. I'm guessing there's a big difference in how someone perceives you when they see you and don't speak to you, when they speak to you for a few minutes and when they speak to you for a few hours. That's definitely true for me, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
I feel like if someone saw me, they may have a certain perception. If someone spoke to me for a few minutes, they'll have another perception. And if someone spent hours or months or years with me, they'll have a different perception. How can you possibly be responsible for how people perceive you? when the way people see you is the way they see the world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
The way people see you is how they often look at themselves. The way people see you is how they've felt seen or unseen in the past. The way people see you is based on someone else they met that was kind of like you. There are so many touch points as to how someone deciphers and decides how they perceive you. You could try and be really nice, and someone will say they're trying too hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
You could be a little standoffish, and people will say, oh, they're really distant and absent. You could try and be really interested and curious, and people will say they ask too many questions. You could be a little more introverted and people say, oh, they suck the energy out of the room. How people perceive your silence is different. Some people perceive it as a strength, as a power.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
Some people perceive it as a weakness. I really understood this when I lived in the monastery and we were exposed to this idea of humility and humility was seen as the number one quality that humans could aspire for. But today when people demonstrate humility, people often think of it as low self-esteem or they think of it as low self-worth. They don't value it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
They value someone who's got a bit of swag, who's got a bit of confidence. But for the monks, humility is the greatest sign of confidence, the ability to accept what you know and what you don't know, to be honest about your strengths and your weaknesses, to be clear about what you're good at and what you're bad at, that's reality.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
But today we reward people who feel confident all the time, people who look like they have it all together. Perception is also different all across the world. and how we receive people's praise and perception is fascinating. I remember looking at a case study of the performance company Cirque du Soleil. You might have even heard of them, or you might have even been to see a show.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
In some parts of the world, when the acrobats would jump through a hoop, triple flip backwards, land on their feet, fall through a hoop of fire, the audience would go crazy. The audience would be applauding, praising, shouting, screaming, losing it. And the acrobats would feel acknowledged and seen. And in some other cultures around the world, the acrobats would finish a show
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
and feel like they flopped. They'd feel like they failed. Why? Because the audience didn't clap as loud. The audience didn't shout as loud. The audience didn't scream as loud. But here's the fascinating thing about that. When Cirque du Soleil went and did some studies on this, they realized certain cultures don't show their emotions and their praise as expressively.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
Someone could be clapping like this and feel the same level of excitement as someone who's on their seat, jumping and shouting. They actually had to train the acrobats to realize that different cultures express appreciation differently. Some cultures had the ability to be so expressive, to be so emphatic, to be so verbally congratulatory that they'd feel it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
You Are Not Responsible For Other People’s Feelings (How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt)
but they had to give the same performance when the audience didn't respond that way. This is one of the challenges about how people perceive us. If you feel responsible for how people perceive you, you will always be performing. You will always be on a stage. You will never feel you can take the mask off.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Is that bad? Is that good? Like, what's your take on that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
He's a neuroscientist and author, TJ Power.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah, I remember when I first trained myself, I had to have to lock... my phone in my car outside because it was just so addictive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
And I found, especially in moments of high anxiety and high tension, like whether there's something in the news cycle, whether there's, you know, just everything that we get sucked into, I found that having my phone out of the room is like a must because I found like how hard it is to get good quality sleep when your phone's right there and you're either on it at night or you're on it first thing in the morning and you're getting sucked into...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
You have habits and systems to increase concentration and deep focus by 48%. Yeah. What are they?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah, what's actually happening though? So I love the idea of slow release versus instant release, but what's actually happening in a fast release and why does that lead to lower willpower and lower motivation?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. Today's guest is someone that I've been really excited to speak to. His name's TJ Power.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Well, thanks for explaining that. I've never heard that before. So it's super useful to get what's going on behind the scenes because I think naturally when we're doing it, we don't see any of that. You were mentioning a few seconds ago, this idea, the difference between how we can sense whether we're high or low in each of these chemicals. Is that right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Could you walk us through some of the symptoms and you can either choose to start a dopamine or if you think we've talked about that, switch to oxytocin.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Let me ask you that question actually. So how do we build dopamine in a healthy way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
He's a neuroscientist and author dedicated to understanding how modern lifestyle habits shape brain chemistry and emotional wellbeing in the digital age. His upcoming book, The Dose Effect, is out very soon and focuses on how we can optimize dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins through practical everyday changes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
TJ's research highlights the impact of social media, nature, and technology on mental health. And through his work, he empowers individuals to take control of their minds and lead healthier, more balanced lives. If you don't already follow TJ across social media, you're going to want to follow him right now and straight after this conversation. Please welcome to On Purpose, TJ Power.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
It's so interesting to me because I feel like when you're in that space, like you said earlier, it's the last thing you want to do. But I've realized over time that things that are good for me feel terrible before and feel amazing after. And that's dopamine. Yeah. And things that are unhealthy for me or bad for me feel great before and terrible afterwards, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Like what you just said about if you've got to clean your bedsheets and all of that, when you're doing it, you're like, this is the biggest waste of my time. after when you get in bed, it feels great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Whereas leaving it dirty feels good and like being lazy and just being like, oh, I can't be bothered, whatever. But then when you get in bed, you're like, oh, this is filthy, right? And so it's interesting how I've had to consciously focus on how I feel after something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Like even now I've been, I had surgery last year and then so I got, no, two years ago and I had surgery, couldn't really lift weights for a while. I got back into lifting probably consistently only a couple months back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
And so I've been working out, you know, five days a week for the last just over a month now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
It's been great. And I don't enjoy... Like, if you ask me to play sports, I can play sports any day. Like, if you ask me to play football, I'd love to play football. You tell me to go work out at the gym, I don't really love it, but I know it's important for me, especially with my age and what I'm trying to do with my body. And so...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
I've had to convince myself of how I feel after a workout to get in the gym. And I know for a fact that I never regret going to the gym after it. But before I'm always tempted to text either my mate or my trainer and go, don't want to forget it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Right. And so it's almost like, what does it take to kind of let go of that immediate instant feeling that we all have of like, press the snooze button. message my mate and cancel the hike, cancel on my trainer, don't turn up to that class, even though I already paid in advance. Like, what do you do with that tiny little thought that pops in that kind of sets us all off on the wrong course?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Do you relate to that, by the way?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
TJ, it's great to have you here, bud.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
This is surreal for me and I'll explain why to the audience because 11 years ago, I met your dad.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
And Thomas Power became a mentor of mine when I just left the monastery. I'd started working at Accenture. Your dad had been brought in as an external consultant to help the company with different aspects of its digital strategy. We became good friends. He became a mentor. He became a coach. And I'd always say to him, how can I repay you? Like, what can I do for you? Because he did so much for me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah, that's a great way to look at it. And I'm glad that you laid it out across the board. I mean, you've mentioned
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
pornography a few times and i feel like that's become just such a big issue now where i feel like when i was growing up it was less of an issue then when it kind of took off it was something that you kind of hid and people didn't talk about it as much and now it's become like totally public like you know there's talk about it in mainstream news and not not in a positive sense but in the sense of you just see it becoming more normalized but that doesn't mean people are using it less
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
If that makes sense.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Does that resonate?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
It is getting communicated about, yeah. But it isn't necessarily like, oh, we're talking about it more. You'd hope that, like, for example, when we talk about mental health more, you'd hope that it gets destigmatized and then people, whereas with pornography, it's kind of like it's being talked about more, but its usage is like going through the roof.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
And so it's like, what have you seen work for people there? You've worked with people in dose. I'm sure you've worked with people who've had like really deep pornography addictions.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
He helped me build my mindset when it came to work and life and business. There's so much influence that your dad's had on me in a very deep way. And he'd always say to me, I'll coach you and one day you'll coach my kids. And now I feel bad because I can't take any credit for your career success. And so I actually didn't live up to my end of the bargain. I think you have.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
What about people who are saying like, well, it's natural. It helps me de-stress. It's what I turn to. You know, it feels easy. It gives me a release. Like anyone who's coming up with any of that. And for the people who did it for those seven days were like, well, all I was thinking about was porn the whole time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Like I'm sure that was a reaction. How do you encourage those people to deal with that kind of a notion or that instinctual reaction to being like, well, that's what I feel like I want to do naturally right now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
It's such an interesting conversation when you're looking at it through dose. Like, I think that's what's so interesting because I think for so long, people have talked about moral reasons, ethical reasons, or whatever it may be. Then when you hear about it from a scientific perspective, you're just like, oh wow, like I had no idea what I'm doing to my brain.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
And I'm hoping that everyone who's listening and watching and struggling with these things, you know, I don't think me or TJ judging anyone or making anyone feel bad about it, but really realizing what we're doing to ourselves when our habits don't change.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
He was absolutely wonderful to me. And watching you rise, honestly, and by the way, I just want to put it out. I can't take any credit for anything you've done. The incredible rise that you've had and the content you're making is so powerful. It's having such an impact. And I'm having you on the show because I'm a fan. and knowing your dad's a bonus.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah. And you're right about the secret.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
hidden addiction because i think a lot of people struggle with like like if you saw your partner drinking too much you could talk to them about it if you saw them on their phone too much you could talk to them about it and i think people always feel very betrayed when they find out that oh their partner's been on using porn or whatever it may be and like there's a feeling of not knowing how to bring it up and how to talk about it and i've had i've had a lot of people reach out to me recently because it's been such an issue in their relationship
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
And I've said to them, you've got to treat it like the other ones in a compassionate, understanding way to raise it with your partner. It's not something that just calling it out will help.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah, you have habits and systems to increase concentration and deep focus by 48%. What are they?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
But I think the work that you're doing is phenomenal. So congrats, bud. And I'm so excited to have you here after having so many dinners and lunches over the years and watching you grow. But the work's so impactful. So thanks for turning up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
That's so powerful, man. That's such a great, great system. I really hope people are going to try it out. And I can honestly say that I saw myself over the last 12 months see my...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
attention diminishing I've always prided myself on having like really great attention being able to immerse myself deeply into things cool and I found that because I live quite a regimented disciplined life my phone became what I did in every gap yeah And so, because that was the only time I really had for my phone, I could be in the studio like this for four to six hours a day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
And so every gap I could get, I'd grab my phone and fill in the gap. And sometimes I saw that gap actually being 30 minutes. And I used to think of it as a gap. And actually I was like, I used to think I couldn't be productive in those 30 minutes because I got so focused on my phone. But recently I've been leaving my phone out of the room and those 30 minutes have been transformative.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
And so it's so easy to think, even as someone who I consider myself to have very good concentration and focus and flow state, I found that just diminishing daily because it was so easy to get lost in everything else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Oh, thanks, man. But yeah, let's dive into the work because there's so many exciting things to discuss. The first thing I want to ask you is, you've got this phrase dose, and dose means so much more than what we think the word means. And it's based on this idea of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins. I think we know very little about these chemicals.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah. How can someone increase their sleep quality by 54%?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah, it's so interesting to me how screen time has become like five screens where it's like you have your phone and your laptop out. Your partner has their phone and their laptop out and then you have a screen on. So you've got five screens in between you. And you're staring and being distracted by three different types of media. And you're so right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
I've been doing that too with the phone fast outside of me and Radha are watching a show together. I've been leaving my phone in the kitchen.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
We kind of hear these as buzzwords and trend words. And I think what you've done is really demystified them and unpacked them for us in a really simple way. Can you walk us through what each of these do for us and how we interact with them on a daily basis?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah, it's better for everything. But I used to find myself doing that all the time. I'm bored of what I'm watching on TV.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
so I'm just going to scroll away and now she's watching the TV and then Radhi's like well Che are you watching this with me you know are we doing and I'm like oh yeah and then she gets distracted on her phone I'm like oh are you with me and it becomes this really ridiculous thing where you're both bored of what you're watching on TV you're kind of you know scrolling to make up for it and now it's disrupting the relationship as well
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah. And the group commitment, I guess, makes it much more collaborative and effective because there's a feeling of like, we're going to try to do this together. It's a common commitment. I think that accountability is really important too. I'm intrigued. And if you're comfortable to share, like, how do you keep each other accountable without making each other feel bad?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Because I feel like that's a really important thing for me and Radhi. And I think that's one of the reasons why I think me and Radhi have been able to be together for as long as we have and why I feel happy in my relationship is because Radhi's never judged me or made me feel bad for even my bad habits, but slowly coached me and nudged me out of them, which I'm so grateful for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Because I think if I would have had someone who would have judged me and kind of pointed fingers, I think I would have, my ego probably would have like defended myself and not been comfortable with that. But this approach that she's taken, which comes to her quite naturally, I feel like has helped me kind of become better in so many ways.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah. Let's talk a bit about oxytocin and serotonin. Which one do you want to go for?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Okay, why?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Okay, go on, tell us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah. And what's the enemy of oxytocin? What's holding it back?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah. And so that's how we can sense it as well, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah. So, yeah. And I find that that kind of bleeds into all of our relationships as well. We see gossip, unhealthy competitiveness, comparison.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
You're seeing that idea of not being, we've talked about this before, not being able to be happy for other people's success, not being able to acknowledge someone that you even may believe that you like or love and being able to be happy for them and, you know, revel in that success. And so I And it almost feels like we find friends who kind of cement that negativity bias or that gossip bias.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
And so we'll find a bunch of people who also dislike something or someone. And we kind of feel closer to people when we do that. It's like that weird balance where it's like you're becoming closer to people by all hating on the same person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
And so what are some of the antidotes to getting away from that? And how does that affect the oxytocin?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah, I think gratitude is underrated and over-talked about, like you're saying. Like it's like you hear it everywhere, you see it everywhere. But I love that you said that if you actually look at the research of how many people are doing it on a daily basis.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah, I'm glad you brought up overthinking because you're right. A lot of people are struggling with procrastination and overthinking. What do you see as the difference between procrastination and overthinking? And how should people think about them differently?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah, yeah. No, it's good to know that difference because, I don't know, I just feel like there's just a sense that The critical voice we talked about earlier, the overthinking of a scenario, focusing on what's the worst that could happen, focusing on nightmare scenarios.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
that all takes away action, it takes away accountability, it takes away responsibility, it takes away any sort of feeling like I can change, I can do something. How do we switch from that powerless feeling of I can't do anything about this to this is what I can focus on?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
I mean, I feel like, I'm sure you do this, I talk to friends all the time and I find everyone I talk to and I try and coach myself out of this, But everyone I talk to is constantly focused on what they can't control. And it seems to be like the most common thing. Like everyone will list out a list of reasons that they can't do something or something won't happen.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
But rarely is someone saying, hey, I've got 10 strategies. Here are the 10 things I'm working on right now. You know, this is what I'm focused on. How do we shift from what we can't do to what we can do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
It's fascinating to me because I don't think we understand how our daily habits affect these chemicals. So walk us through what's actually happening in our brain when we're doom scrolling on social media.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
And what about if people are getting close to like high stress and burnout? So that's the other end. Yeah, that's happening a lot in the workplace now, right? Like there's a... overworking, crazy hours, always on, always connected. We've talked about that, that pressure of like, what if my boss emails me at midnight? What if an email comes through at 6 a.m. and I just got up?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
You know, whatever it is, there's this high performance mixed with high stress, high burnout environment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
What do you think that's actually going to take to do? Like when you really think about that, it feels like we're so far gone from that. Now, what's that actually going to take for us to really value connection for what we know it can do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
TJ, I love that. You've been amazing talking today and I'm glad that people are going to read The Dose Effect, dive into more on dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins. We only touched the tip of the iceberg today, but we learned so much. I feel like I've gained so much great self-talk material. from listening to you. And I think that's what I really value.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
And I think we undervalue about when you're listening to a podcast, when you're reading a book, the goal is to get so much more of a new script in your mind as to how you talk to yourself about the challenges you have. how you talk to others about the challenges you have, and then how you talk yourself out of making bad decisions and into good decisions. Definitely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
And as I've been listening to you, I feel like you're such a hub of incredible insights and information and so well-researched where I'm like, oh, now I'm going to hear TJ's voice in my head remind me of that when I'm brushing my teeth and I got my phone out or, you know, when I'm about to go to bed and even the idea of standing up before I lie down or there's so many things you've said today where I'm like, I think there's just these mini shifts and nudges.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
that hopefully will save me and everyone who's been listening a lot of stress and a lot of trouble. Is there anything I haven't asked you that you wanted to share or something that's on your heart or mind that you really want to share with my community?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
I love that challenge. And everyone who's going to do that challenge, tag me and TJ when you're out in nature so we can see pictures of you on walks, hikes, taking your dog out, whatever it may be. We want to see the amount of time you're spending in nature. And if you get to 60 minutes, tag us and tell us the time as well. Let's go. It'd be amazing to see.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
TJ, we end every episode of On Purpose with a final five. These questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Okay. So TJ Power, these are your final five. Question one, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Great advice. Second question, what's the worst advice you've ever heard or received?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Expand on that for me as to why that really helped you and why that was a path you decided to take.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
How do you think it was affecting motivation, discipline, capacity? What was it doing?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
I love that. Thanks for sharing that. Question number three, what's something you're trying to value less?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Nice. Question number four, what's something you're trying to value more?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Fifth and final question, which we ask to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
I love that. TJ, you've been incredible. The book's called The Dose Effect. I hope you go and grab your copy, Small Habits to Boost Your Brain Chemistry. Highly, highly recommend this book. And TJ, how else would you like people to connect with your work? You kept referring to the Dose app there as well and the research you're doing. How can people connect more deeply with that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
I love it. TJ, thank you so much for joining today. I can't wait for people to share this episode with their friends, their family. We covered so many different themes and topics. And I want to thank you for your personal vulnerability in so many of those topics as well. I think it takes a lot of courage to be someone who's sharing so many great insights and share personal challenges.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
And I think you beautifully shared both. So thank you so much, man. Thank you for having me. That was magical. Appreciate you. If you loved this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on how to change your life by changing your brain.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
It's fascinating to hear that we used to have to earn dopamine. Yeah. How quickly does it diminish? And what does that crash look like?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
The fact that you've been using a phone since you're 11 years old kind of puts into perspective because I got my first phone when I was 14, but it was one of those phones where you still had to like key in a ringtone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
I used to sit there for like 30 minutes keying in a ringtone so that I could have my favorite song be my ringtone. For sure. And you had like a few songs on there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah, that's so fascinating, this idea of earning something. And I feel like when you wake up in the morning, it's almost like we want life to be easier and simpler and everything in our lives become so instant, whether it's food, coffee, anything, right? We're looking for something that's quick. How do we train ourselves to be like, oh, I should earn something?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
How do you even make that mindset shift of actually earning something's good versus having it be ready made for me?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
What's the longest you've ever done a phone fast?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
No phone whatsoever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
I can agree with you more. I've done those phone fasts as well for a while. And there are times in my year where I think that that can be important. But overall, I fully agree with you that I think if you're going oscillating between these extremes, you just keep kind of pinging back and forth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
And so you go from being really addicted to doing the phone fast and going back to being really addicted. And that can get really exhausting. and really, really tiring. And so what has been your best set of tips that you've found for someone who doesn't want to look at their phone first thing in the morning or to not turn to that because you said the morning's so important? What do we do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Because I feel like that's the first thing, you know, 80% of us look at our phones first thing in the morning, last thing at night. We look at it before we look at our partners and our kids, after we look at them at night. Our phone gets more FaceTime than the people we love. Like that is our life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
Yeah, that's great advice. I think one thing that helped me out for a while was I have a few instrumentals or music that I like and I'll have that on my phone. So I'll wake up and I'll put this song on because I know I have the urge to pick up my phone and I'll press play. And then the phone's with me while I'm brushing my teeth, but I'm not now scrolling because I'm now listening to something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Brain Expert: 6 Habits to Boost Focus & Concentration By 48 Percent (Hack Your Dopamine!) with TJ Power
And I know people do it with podcasts, people do it with audio meditation, whatever it may be. For me, it's music that reminds me of being back in the monastery. And so I'll play that. And it's just like the soundtrack to my morning. And it may have birds chirping, it may have nature sounds, it may have a bit of water. And for me, that allows me to feel like there's something distracting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
You're listening to an iHeart Podcast.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
The people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is how is that a plea for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, it's them asking for love in some way. And I think we see it in children the most where when a child's throwing a tantrum, they're simply asking for presence, love, and connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Makes you feel overwhelmed. Makes you feel stressed. just reframing. It's not that it didn't happen. It's that you're still here, right? Positivity doesn't mean I ignore things that happened. It means I see everything about what happened.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
The fact that I'm alive, the fact that I'm here, the fact that I'm on time, the fact that I'm smiling at someone, someone's smiling at me, that simple connection. How you frame an experience changes everything about how you feel it. Let me say that again. How you frame an experience changes everything about how you feel it. If you frame an experience as negative, you feel bad.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
If you frame an experience as useful, insightful, powerful, fulfilling, it transforms you. Research shows that reframing negative experiences improve resilience and overall wellbeing. It's not denial, it's conscious perspective shifting. Two people can face the same storm. One sees destruction, the other sees renewal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
I really love this idea that two people can experience the same thing, but react to it differently. It is up to you to choose to reframe a narrative, reframe an experience. And it's all about practice. The first time you try and do this, it's going to be really hard. By day five, it's going to be easier. By month five, you're going to be flying and flowing. You will be unbeatable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
A negative experience or a negative thought won't be able to control you because you've practiced reframing an experience. That person who you feel doesn't care about you They just lost a great friend. That person you feel doesn't value you. They just disconnected from a gift in their life. We have to reframe and understand differently the experiences we go through. Here's an experiment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Today, when a small inconvenience happens, pause and reframe. How could this actually be working for me? And here's a daily habit. Start a reframing jar. Each night, write down one negative event and intentionally reframe it in a neutral or positive light before placing it in the jar. Watch your mindset shift over weeks.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
You'll literally feel yourself rewiring your brain to notice different things. Our day feels bad because we notice the bad more than the good. Our day feels hard because we notice the difficult more than our determination. Our day feels long because we notice the hardship more than we do the beautiful relationships. Shift your perspective.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
The people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is how is that a plea for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, it's them asking for love in some way. And I think we see it in children the most, where when a child's throwing a tantrum, they're simply asking for presence, love, and connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
And I think we're all just big children who are still asking for love, still seeking that approval, still wanting that connection and that embrace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. Your thoughts are not always true. Challenge them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Step four is practicing mindfulness and meditation. Take a moment to pause and breathe deeply right now. Mindfulness means simply noticing your present experience. Let thoughts pass without holding on to them. Pay attention to your breath. It's your anchor. Meditation doesn't require perfection, just consistency.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Practice letting go of anything you're holding on to, quieting your mind even briefly and can reset your entire day. It's the oldest wisdom in the book, but taking a few breaths can reset you. When you're nervous, when you're anxious, when you're stressed, when you have negative thoughts, your breath is faster, shallower.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
As soon as you breathe, you make it deeper, slower and you regain your power. When you're moving fast, think about it. If you're driving a car really fast and something comes out in front of you, it's really hard to maneuver around it, right? So when a negative thought comes at you, if you're already moving really fast, chances are you're going to collide.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
And that's what we experience every day, collisions with our negative thoughts. But imagine if you were driving a little bit slower. could slow down just ahead of that disruption and swerve comfortably, coolly, calmly. That's what regular mindfulness practice allows you to do. Mindfulness is about being where you are, not racing ahead, not clinging to the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Research from Kabat-Zinn shows that even short, consistent mindfulness practices can reduce anxiety and depression significantly. Mindfulness is like clearing a cluttered desk. You create space for clarity. So here's the experiment I want you to do. Set a five-minute timer today. Focus only on your breathing. When thoughts wander, gently return attention to your breath without judgment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
And for every one hour, stop and breathe deeply for one minute. and watch how you start getting the pace to actually maneuver and shift. Number five is something we don't do enough of, engaging in joyful activities. You can't always avoid difficult emotions, but you can decide how long they stay. You can't choose every result, but you can choose what you learn from it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
You can't always avoid setbacks, but you can decide how they shape you. You can't choose others' perceptions, but you can choose your own self-worth. You can't erase past experiences, but you can choose how they influence your future. You can't control the world's chaos, but you can choose to create your own peace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Your thoughts are not always reality. Don't accept them at face value. When doubts appear, don't assume, investigate. When fear whispers, don't bow down, look closer. When negativity rises, don't believe, demand proof. Negativity thrives on blind acceptance. Negativity grows when you don't fight back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Studies show that regular engagement in enjoyable activities lowers depression significantly. Doing what you love isn't indulgence. It's essential maintenance for your mental health. So here's what I want you to do today. Spend at least 15 minutes doing something you genuinely love. having your coffee, reading, gardening, dancing, painting, whatever it is, and notice your mood before and after.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Schedule a daily joy episode. Block out 20 minutes each morning or evening just for an activity that nourishes you, right? Think of it like a joy meeting or a joy episode. Being able to do that allows you to tap into joy and reduce stress. This is such an important part because ultimately negativity and positivity are both contagious. Have you ever met someone and you just feel positive?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Have you ever done an activity and you just feel positive? Well, you can be that person. That person wasn't born that way. They're practicing. They're developing that skill and you can as well. Step number six is looking after your temple, your body. Your body isn't separate from your mind. It's the vehicle that carries your spirit. Regular exercise reduces depressive symptoms by up to 30%.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Hydration boosts brain function. Sleep resets your emotional baseline. It's simple, but it's foundational. A Zen student once asked his master, how do I attain enlightenment? The master replied, when hungry, eat. When tired, sleep. When sad, move. Caring for the body wasn't secondary. It was sacred. I also love this idea because when we're out of food, we eat.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
When you're out of growth, you choose to grow. So today's experiment is go for a 20-minute walk today for a gentle stretch and pay attention to how your mind feels afterwards. If you want to boost your day, it's as simple as this. Seven hours of sleep, eight glasses of water, and 15 minutes of movement. Go on that walk, get outdoors, and watch how your mood and mind change.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
And finally, number seven is limiting our exposure to negativity. I was recently on a podcast and I was talking to Tinks and we were talking about this idea of how the challenge today is our news finds us, we don't find our news. before people would open up the newspaper to see what the news was.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Today, you're on social media trying to figure out what your friends are doing and you're reading about something happening halfway across the world. You're about to send a message to a family member and someone sends something in the group chat, which is about a news update. We no longer find our news. Before you were primed, you were prepared.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
I'm going to look at the news to see what's happening in the world. Today, you're trying to connect. You're trying to show empathy. You're trying to love. You're trying to have fun. And you're finding the news at that time. It's extremely confusing and draining for your mind, which is looking for love and being overloaded by other information. No, I'm not saying the news is not important.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
I'm saying it's important to be informed, but our mind is better when we've chosen what we're doing. If your mind knows you're watching the news or about to pick up a newspaper or about to read a news site or a newsletter that you love, the mind is prepared and primed. You can't avoid negativity, but you can look for the good around you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
You can't stop people from criticizing you, but you can decide which feedback matters. You can't erase stress completely, but you can find healthy ways to handle it. You can't avoid every bad day, but you can appreciate the good ones. You can't stop difficult moments, but you can decide what they teach you. You can't control others' attitudes, but you can protect your own mood.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
You can't always avoid negativity, but you can choose how much you allow in. Studies show 56% of adults report higher stress due to constant news and social media consumption. Remember, you are what you consume. It's important to create a digital diet, a digital fast, and a digital detox, and a digital plan to support the mind that you want.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
One of my favorite Zen stories is when a student asked their teacher, how do you remain at peace despite the chaos of the world? The master smiled and said, I simply don't argue with reality. Most of our attention is created because we want things to be different. When in reality, when we accept what's happening and we work to make them different, we improve.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
When you want something to be different and when you work for something to be different, it's two different experiences. When you work to make something different, you feel closer to the solution so the problem feels smaller. Whereas when you want something to be different, you're standing away from the problem and it feels bigger and uncontrollable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
If you've been really overwhelmed recently, take a 24-hour media detox today. No news, no social media, no negativity. And observe how your mind feels. And build a positivity shield. Limit news to one short daily check that you define. Look at the news at one time in the day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
mute negative accounts, and deliberately subscribe to uplifting podcasts or inspiring content and unsubscribe from the others. I hope this seven-step ritual and method creates less negative thoughts and more importantly, control over the ones that do get through to you. Thank you so much for listening. Make sure you've subscribed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm so glad you joined me. And if you've not yet subscribed, click that button so that you never miss an episode. It's astounding to me, the community that we're building together. And when you subscribe here, you're not only supporting this show, you're actually starting to support yourself. You're saying this is a priority. This is important to me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Send this episode to someone who'll appreciate it and I'll see you on the next one. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Daniel Amen on how to change your life by changing your brain.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
The people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So when I see someone's behavior, the first thing I try and think of is how is that a plea for love? Whatever behavior you see from someone, it's them asking for love in some way. And I think we see it in children the most where when a child's throwing a tantrum, they're simply asking for presence, love, and connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
I want to invest in my growth. Today's episode is all about what to do with those negative thoughts. If you're someone that experiences intrusive, negative, difficult thoughts, this episode is for you. If you're someone who walks out at a meeting and can't stop thinking about something negative that happened,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
or you were out with friends last week and you can't stop thinking about a moment or an experience that felt awkward or uncomfortable, this episode is for you. And if you're someone that finds yourself just caught in a negative spiral, This episode is for you. I'm going to give you a seven-step method to actually master your thoughts and negativity.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
I want you to become unbeatable, undefeatable when it comes to negative thoughts. Because here's the reality. Negative thoughts will always arise. They'll always appear. No one in this world can never have a negative thought. but you can make sure that a negative thought never controls you. You can win the battle and win the fight, and that's what we're doing today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Step one is you have to learn to recognize and acknowledge your thoughts. All of us have so many thoughts every single day, but we're not always sure about the systems. We're not always sure about the patterns. And I want to share a spiritual truth with you that is so important. You are not your thoughts. They're just visitors passing through your mind. You are not your thoughts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
They're just noise, not the truth. You are not your thoughts. They're temporary, not permanent. Notice them, but don't let them define you. Name them, but don't give them your power. Watch them, but don't give them your identity. The moment you recognize them, they lose their grip. The moment you name them, they start to dissolve. The moment you see them clearly, you set yourself free.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Negative thoughts are not facts. Awareness is your power. Negative thoughts are not your reality. Awareness is your protection. Negative thoughts are not who you are. Awareness is your path to emotional freedom. It starts with being aware of our thoughts. Aware of which ones appear often, which ones don't appear enough. Aware of what we say when we first look in the mirror.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Aware of what we say when things are not going well. How many of you are the quickest to judge yourself and critique yourself, but the first to congratulate someone else? Are you that person who when you make a mistake, you'll be really harsh and beat yourself up, but when someone else does, you're there to be empathetic and kind and compassionate?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
We're so quick to judge ourselves and so quick to celebrate others. It's so important we become aware of these patterns that we all experience so that we can begin this breakthrough. So I wanted to keep repeating that. And I want you to say it out loud. I am not my thoughts. You are not your thoughts. They're just temporary clouds floating across the sky of your mind. And neuroscience proves it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Simply labeling emotions, naming them, activates the prefrontal cortex and calms the amygdala, reducing emotional overwhelm. Think of negative thoughts like pop-up ads. Annoying, distracting, but not permanent or meaningful. You can just hover over them and press the cross and they're gone. The problem isn't that they appear. It's that we believe them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Now imagine you're on your desktop or your laptop and all these screens of pop-ups just start turning up. You only get lost in them when you start filling out the form, when you get tricked into clicking on one. We don't want to double click on a negative thought. We want to allow it to pass through like a pop-up or a cloud.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
There's a beautiful Zen story which talks about two monks watching the sky. Dark clouds rolled in and one monk cried, it's a bad omen. The other simply said, clouds come and go. The clouds didn't change, only their reaction did. Your thoughts are clouds. Notice them, name them, but don't become them. Here's an experiment I want you to try, a habit, a practical tip that I want you to give a go.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Today, when you notice a negative thought, pause and internally say, I'm having a negative thought about. Just naming it can weaken its hold. Stop saying you're a negative person. Stop saying that you have negative energy. Switch that to I am having a negative thought about. Naming it can weaken its hold. Naming it can loosen its grip.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
And naming it gives you back the power because you're now aware. Here's a habit. I want you to set three thought alert reminders, morning, midday, evening. And when it goes off, pause for 30 seconds to scan your mind and jot down any negative thought patterns that you see. When you start to understand the patterns, you have the power. Remember that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
When you understand the patterns, you have the power. Because now when that pattern emerges, you can do step two. Step two is challenge your negative thoughts. Now that you know that there's a pattern, let's say you always feel negative when you first wake up in the morning.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
let's say you always feel negative just before going to bed maybe you feel negative just before you walk through the door of the office right we have certain times in our day when negativity is really loud now that we're aware of them we have to learn to challenge them Not in the moment, because that time we need to focus on work, focus on sleep, focus on waking up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
We need to challenge them when we become aware of the pattern in our spare time. Right now, that's what you're doing. I want you to remember this. Your thoughts are not always accurate. Question them. Your thoughts are not always true. Challenge them. Your thoughts are not always reality. Don't accept them at face value. When doubts appear, don't assume, investigate.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
When fear whispers, don't bow down, look closer. When negativity rises, don't believe, demand proof. negativity thrives on blind acceptance, negativity grows when you don't fight back, negativity wins when you don't question it. Dig deeper. Beneath fear, you'll find clarity. Beneath doubt, you'll find truth. Beneath noise, you'll find your power. One thought challenged is one chain broken.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
One thought challenged is one burden lifted. One thought challenged is one step toward freedom. Not every thought you have is true. In fact, negativity loves to wear the mask of reality. Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, has long shown that challenging irrational thoughts reduces anxiety and builds emotional strengths. Ask yourself, is this thought a fact or just a fear?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
It's really important to know, is this thought a fact or is it just a fear? So the next time you catch yourself spiraling, ask yourself, what evidence do I have that this thought is true? What evidence do I have that in fact, this thought is not true?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
You're almost becoming a lawyer in your own life, learning how to negotiate, learning how to persuade, learning how to build and stand up for an argument. Because guess what? The lawyer in your mind, that critique, is winning every case. But that's because we don't know how to challenge our thought. If you think that lawyer in your head is on your side, you lose every case, you lose every battle.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
But when you realize that you're not your thoughts, you're allowed to have a defense, you're allowed to have a case, That's when you recognize that you don't need to accept a thought that has no evidence. And what you want to do is present the counter evidence to your mind systematically. Here's a daily habit to make it easy. Create a daily thought challenge.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Each evening, write one negative thought from your day. Challenge it with evidence and rewrite it into a more balanced, empowering statement. When you go to bed that way, you'll wake up with more energy and naturally feel disconnected from the weight of that thought. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. Step number three is reframe your thoughts. My favorite quote is from Wayne Dyer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
He said, when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change. Your thoughts are a story. But here's the best part. You can write the next line right now. Actually, you get to choose the title of the next chapter right now. You get to write the next few pages right now. When you change the story, you change the feeling. When you change the perspective, you change the power.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
When you change the lens, you change your life. Negative stories exhaust you. Positive reframing energizes you. Negative thinking shrinks you. Positive reframing frees you. Small changes in your viewpoint can lead to big changes in your vision. Let me give you an example. You're running late to work because someone cut you off in traffic.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS to Stop Spiraling (7 Steps to Instantly Break the Cycle of Negative Thoughts)
You get to work and now you're telling everyone that story of that person who cut you off in traffic. What you forgot to mention was the person who smiled at you. What you forgot to mention was the fact that you still got to work on time. What you forgot to mention is that you survived. Nothing bad happened. The other side of the story was draining. Makes you feel rushed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
So now you can wear your On Purpose merch, listen to the podcast, and know that you too are having an impact. I want to thank you so much in advance. I can't wait to see all of your pictures wearing the merch. There's sweatshirts, a hat, t-shirts. Check it out on our website, jshettyshop.com. That's jshettyshop.com. And remember, 100% of the proceeds go to NAMI.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Hey everyone, it's Jay here. My wife and I have had so much fun creating our own sparkling tea Junie and I've got big news for you. It's at Target and we'd love your support. If you can go out, grab a Junie, you'll be adding adaptogens and nootropics into your life with mood boosting properties aimed at promoting a balanced and happy mind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Here are some tips and strategies for how to deal with negativity and toxicity, and we'll begin with our families. You've just arrived home for the long weekend, eager to tell your parents about what's going on with your life, your job, your partner, your future, your hopes, your dreams, and whatever else you're in the mood to share.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
That night during dinner, your brother who's been out of work for the past six months starts making cutting comments about your hair, your outfit, your apartment, your dog, and about how you were always the successful one in the family, weren't you? A half hour later, a perfectly nice dinner has been turned into something that makes you want to run from the table and hide under the bed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Or imagine that it's Monday morning and you've come to work early, full of ideas and enthusiasm about what today and the week ahead might bring. Immediately, a coworker sides up to your desk and makes a face. Did you see that comment on Slack? Is your horrible boss in yet?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Did you notice it was raining and see that the news is uniformly bad and the whole world is going to hell, so what's the point of doing anything? Within seconds, you're aware of a radical downshift in your own mood. Instead of feeling excited about being at work, you've entered the same gloomy ecosystem inhabited by your colleague. Your enthusiasm is now officially shot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
You may even start thinking, she's right. Work is bad. The world is terrible and I need to grow up and face facts. And even worse, there's nothing I can do. The way negativity can catch, like a cold or a virus, will come as no surprise to researchers. Studies have come out showing that social media accounts that traffic in negativity have fewer followers.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
And a report from Stanford showed that the negative reader comments you see under articles typically damage the entire reader community. So what should you do? The easy answer is run. But the truth is, nine times out of 10, that's not always possible. Here's the first step that has made the biggest difference in my life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
If you don't love someone's behavior, try to understand their context, their story. Not what they're saying, but how they got there. As Oprah would say, ask them what happened to you. And sometimes you may not get to ask them directly, but think through that. Treat them with understanding and compassion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Almost all negativity originates in fear, the fear that others won't love or respect you, or that catastrophic things are about to happen. Imagine what kind of childhood or adult experiences this person might have had to produce and recreate these feelings. When you think about it, doesn't it follow that they would transpose their own frightened internal voice onto anyone else with an earshot?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Imagine the internal pain of someone who tells you not to pursue your dreams because they're liable to fail or discourages you from taking risks or refuses to trust anyone because chances are they'll end up betraying you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Thin skins, judgment, criticism, risk aversion, seeing dark motives in everyone, a belief the future will go badly, and the need to control the behavior of everyone around you are symptoms not of a sophisticated worldview, but of a hurt, damaged person. And while I'm not saying that you can do their healing or therapy for them, it's important to realize it's also not about you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Through our commitment to our wellness journey and striving to fuel our bodies with the healthiest ingredients, it's been our purpose to make healthy choices accessible for all, which is why Juni is now on shelves at Target. So head to our store locator at drinkjuni.com and find Juni at a Target near you. Negative people are who they are and you are who you are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Rather than think about how their negativity affects you, imagine what it's like being inside a brain like that 24-7. Once you consider their behavior from that point of view, you'll realize that the negativity they show the world likely pales to their own self-criticism. And that's what leads us to the next point. Remember, it's not about you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Now, how is the hurtful comment my sister just made about the way I laugh or the remark my coworker delivered about the condition of my desk not about me? It's not, and I'll explain. Negativity is a bias that sweeps up everything in its path. A negative remark directed to you may feel personal, and in many ways it is, but that doesn't mean it's personal to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
It's worth thinking of negativity or pessimism as a pair of glasses your sister or work colleague came into this world wearing, lenses that were darkened further through difficult experiences, or feeling frightened or out of control. When I say it's not personal, what I mean is that negative people are negative about everyone and everything, not just you, and it begins with themselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
What role are you willing to play in your relationship with a negative, toxic person? It's time to decide. This is a big one. And remember, no family or workplace is perfect and drama happens everywhere. Let's say you're home with an older sibling who's having issues with your mom. He comes to you and every word out of his mouth is negative. Mom does this, mom does that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
I know exactly how mom will respond if I don't or if I do. This makes you uncomfortable, but you don't know where to turn. Come on, it's your brother. But for your own mental health and well-being, it's important to determine your role in this dynamic, one which psychologists call splitting, meaning that you're being asked to divide up your loyalties. Are you the designated middleman?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Is there anything productive and positive you can do? Or is this between your brother and your mom? The answer, the latter. Whatever is going on between the two of them has nothing to do with you. It's poisoning your relationship with both of them, and if they want to talk about this, they need to do it face to face.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
You might also need to set boundaries with your mom if she brings up your brother. Tell her that you don't feel comfortable talking about his issues with her and that they should engage in a conversation directly. One of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships is we think we can save people. You think you can save the relationship between your mom and your sister.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
You think you can save the relationship between your brother and his best friend. You believe you can save the relationship between your parents. You cannot save any relationship that you are not in. Remember that. You can't save a relationship that you're not in. And sometimes you can't even save the one you're in because you're only 50% of the story.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
So it's so important that we take off that pressure for us to solve, save, fix whatever we think is broken and recognize we can be supportive, but we can't solve. We can be supportive, but we can't save. That's not our role. Take off that pressure. Give yourself some space and grace. And hold fast to your own power. Don't let negativity seep through your firewall.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Remember, negative people are who they are and you are who you are. Whenever you allow someone to get inside and skew your own emotions, that means their negativity is won and that you've given it too much power and influence. Remember always that you're in charge of the way you feel, the way you see the world and the way you interpret the world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Whenever you allow someone to get inside and skew your own emotions, that means their negativity is won.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Yes, you may be wrong, and every now and then the negative person has a point to make that you may agree with, but be careful about relinquishing your identity and power to a family member or colleague who has an axe to grind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you so much for showing up for yourself, being here for me and trusting me. I'm so grateful that I get to spend the next 30 minutes with you. Now, usually at this time of year, we're spending a lot of time with family. We're spending a lot of time at gatherings. We're spending a lot of time even with our co-workers, maybe their social events.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
When someone gives you negative, instead of giving them positive, give them reflective. That's the step they're missing, is reflection. If your mom or your coworker says something snarky about you, refuse to be drawn into the exchange. Respond instead with a reflective remark. And that reflective remark could be, have you thought about it like this?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
I read something really interesting that shared this. What's your thoughts on that? Now, they may give another negative remark, but you've planted the seed of reflection. You can also respond with a positive about them. If someone says something bad about you, you can say, mom, where did you get that beautiful scarf? Or those shoes you're wearing are amazing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
If a colleague says, another depressing day outside, consider sharing with her how nice it is to have a break from endlessly sunny days and how rain makes you feel cozy or one of your favorite memories. Instead of collaborating with their negativity, you might mention the things you love about your work, then usher the conversation back to the workplace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
If they persist, you might tell them that your hands are tied and there's nothing you can do. Sooner or later, people start to get the message that their negativity has not been enabled, which in turn makes them be reflective and maybe figure a different path. It's important to also create distance and boundaries.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
In family situations and in the workplace, creating distance sounds easier than it probably is. In many scenarios, we have no choice but to engage with moms, dads, siblings, colleagues, and bosses. When I suggest creating distance or a firewall, sometimes physically this just isn't possible. But that doesn't mean you can't do it emotionally.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
You can be perfectly pleasant and perfectly polite while letting toxic comments roll right off your back. remembering always that those comments have less to do with you than they do with the person who's delivering them. You can even do this physically.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
If you know your brother is about to start talking about how he hates everybody and everything, and your cubicle mate begins rolling her eyes, feel free to excuse yourself from the table, move to another seat, or position yourself next to a colleague who sees the world differently. When all else fails, there's honesty. If you just can't take it anymore, I always recommend honesty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
With a coworker, you might say, you know, every time anyone comes up with an idea, my experience is that you have a different response. Is there a reason for that? And maybe, you know, everyone starts to notice it to the point where people start to disengage and not share their ideas. Now that's pretty harsh and direct, but sometimes it's needed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
And I wouldn't discount it because you're scared of a tough conversation. What you should be considering though, is are you the right person? Is it the right time? And is it the right moment? How can you not come across as if you're accusing them, but actually raising it to help them? I think that's key in tone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
If you say you do this and you do that, it's different from saying, have you seen or recognized that there are a few people feeling this way? Speak about other people's feelings, not your feelings, or not them as the problem, but there being certain patterns and habits that need to be changed. Thank you so much for listening to today. I hope you enjoyed today's episode.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
I look forward to you joining me again soon and pass this one on to a friend or a family member who may need it right now. If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr. Gabor Mate on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
And one of the number one questions I get asked is, Jay, how do I deal with negative or toxic family members and or co-workers? Now, I'm sure you've asked this question at some point in your life. And sometimes it's not because there's anything specifically wrong. There's just always been one family member who you're almost scared to see, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Maybe there's a colleague at work who you're always uncomfortable around and you're trying to rush any meeting with them or any interaction with them. Maybe there's a family member who always asks you uncomfortable questions. And any of these mean this episode is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Now, if you're at all like me, you like to surround yourself with people who radiate positive energy, people who, without being unrealistic, treat setbacks as opportunities for learning and self-reflection. And let's be honest, even I struggle with that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
So I'm not saying we want to find people and only be around people who are positive and fake positive, because toxic positivity is as bad as toxic negativity. Sometimes it's even harder. But the truth is, there will always be highs and lows, right? And there's always going to be certain people that we find it challenging to be around.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Now, when we're around these negative people, you exit these encounters feeling a kind of contagious darkness. This sad realization that you and that person perceive the world through two radically different lenses. This is really apparent when it comes to our coworkers.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
We probably all know someone, probably more than one, who insists on putting the most negative, critical, cynical spin on everything they see. the way we dress, or the way we cook, or the way we clean, the quality of our professional work, or the report we turned in, or something we said on Slack.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
It doesn't matter what it is, these people seem to feast on making us feel less than, and it usually works too. First things first, let's define what we mean when we say that someone is negative or toxic. The first thing I want to specify is there is no such thing as a toxic or negative person. What's happened is that person has built up the negative habit.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
A negative pattern, something they've repeated over time that has now become their reality and their personality. But there is no such thing as a toxic person. There is no such thing as a negative person. We almost take on the color. We take on the shade of what we're immersed in or what we're focused on. What I find is that so many of us have just been so lost in a negative spiral for so long.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Our pattern has not been interrupted. It hasn't been broken for so long that we feel that is who we are and we feel that is who people are. Now, sometimes it becomes easier to label them this way because it makes it easier for us to make decisions. But I just want to get that across. There is no human that is inherently that way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
They've just been hurt or been practicing that method for a long time. Now, let me talk to you about the different types we meet. The first is the pessimist. This person has a suspicious, paranoid, accusing perspective about everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
They might like to think of themselves as cynical and sophisticated, but all they are is contemptuous in a childish way, contemptuous of other people's feelings or imperfections, contemptuous that others don't meet, much less ever exceed their expectations. The worst part of all is that pessimists experience themselves as taking the moral high ground. I know you know what I'm talking about.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
They think ahead and see things that you don't. They can pinpoint the hundred different ways something will go wrong, whereas the rest of the world, in its naivete, has no idea. They're innocents who insist on seeing life through pink lenses.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
If you had their brain, experience, and forethought, you might understand that he sees things as they really are, whereas you see things as you wish they were. Now, it can be really draining and tiring to be around a pessimist. They're always looking at what's going wrong. They're always looking at what might not be quite right. You go to a wedding, they're complaining about the food.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Right, you go to a birthday party, they're complaining about the entertainment. They're finding a way to put a downer on whatever it may be. And hey, if you're like me, I've been sucked into this before. I've actually been sucked into it where I've started to do the same. How many of you have ever felt that? Where you actually start to behave that way? Now, the second one is the complainer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
For complainers, everything is wrong, off, flawed, not good enough, sloppy, amateurish, two inches too high, two inches too low. You didn't bring the right napkins. This soup isn't seasoned right. Did you forget to turn the heat on? Why didn't you send that report at five sharp? And you're like, it's now 5.03, what's the matter with you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
As everyone knows, it's a lot easier to complain and criticize than it is to create something. It's far easier to pass judgment on others than to take a personal risk ourselves. That's the nature of the complainer. It seems they won't be happy until they're able to point out who, what, and where it all went wrong.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
One of the things that I've found really, really helpful about this is asking the complainer what their highlight was from the last night. And if they don't have one, sharing one of your own. So let's say you're talking on the phone the next day or texting the next day and they go, oh God, did you see what they were wearing? Oh God, wasn't last night a bore?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Just be like, well, I can understand how it was, but this was one of my highlights. What was one of yours? All of a sudden, you've turned it without making the other person feel bad, without discrediting them. And by the way, I'm not saying to ignore people's feelings.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
If there's a valid feeling someone has about not enjoying someone's company or an emotion they experience, it's great to let them air it out. I just find that often we've done that for too long with these individuals. We've almost encouraged and enabled them to have a place to complain consistently, and now they're not aware of it. Now they actually see it as a way of bonding with you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Maybe you've become that person that they can complain to endlessly. It's great to ask them what's the highlight. It's great to check in with them about something they enjoyed. You can change it up if you allow yourself to. And I think this hits very closely to why I partnered up with Match. And what I really found was I wanted to create a space where people could connect based on their values.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
And this was really, really important to me because I feel that everything I'm saying here is because we don't realize that our core values have such a big impact in terms of long-term success. Now, the third is the eternal victim. They're passive. They always feel sorry for themselves, always feel as if the world has personally conspired against them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Rarely are they the protagonists of their own lives or the ones who reach out and make plans or email you or suggest the two of you get together. If you do make a date, they spent the entire lunch talking about what's gone wrong with their lives and how it will never get better because that's just the lot in their life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Now, this person's always talking about how someone screwed them over, how they're the ones being left behind, how they're the one who has been given the short end of the stick, right? They're that eternal victim. By the way, some of you may be listening to this and realizing, as I often do, hey, I have some of those traits in me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
And that helps us be compassionate and empathetic towards those individuals, to realize this is something that could happen to each and every one of us. And if you're feeling like you're like this right now, it's important to recognize how we may be turning people off from wanting to spend time with us. I find that so many of us are unaware how much we play the victim card.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
The next is the energy drainer. When you go home to visit your parents or sit with a colleague at lunchtime, sometimes it's hard not to feel your face-to-face with a vampire, someone who sucks out all your enthusiasm, vitality, and optimism, someone who takes and takes while giving nothing back, and who never wants things to ask how you're doing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
You leave these encounters feeling like you're fleeing one of the dementors from Harry Potter and that your soul, if not your entire being, has been inhaled by a third party, right? And there can be a number of ways people energy drain. They switch conversations without focusing on one. They never ask you about yourself. They answer all your questions as if it's a free therapy session.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
They are constantly trying to place their weight or the weight of their decisions on you. It almost feels like you are having to carry them through life without getting any benefits, support, or friendship back. Now the next one, they're just good enoughs. These are the people who remind me of the old quote credited to the singer Janis Joplin, who once said, you are what you settle for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
These are the sorts of negative, toxic people, remember not people, but habits, who never seem to want to get better, or take risks, or migrate outside of their comfort zones, or whether it's because they fear failure, lack of self-esteem, or don't want to change. It's incredibly hard being around people like these. Nor if it's a family member or a work colleague, can you dodge them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
They're your family. It's your workplace. The truth is negative people are calling out for attention. They want to feel loved because very often, deep down, they don't love themselves. I was talking about this with a friend just today that everyone on the planet, everyone in the world, is seeking significance. We want to feel like we matter. We want to feel our life has meaning.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
We want to feel like we belong. And when we don't feel that way, maybe by our own doing or by the community we're in, we often become negative and bitter. And we use that as a way of gaining that significance. If my life can be that bad, I'm more significant. Maybe the only way to feel significant is when we complain to someone because all of us only respond to someone who complains.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
How many of us know a friend who we don't turn up for because we know they're fine by themselves? But we all know a friend who we run to help because they're always complaining. Now, in this same way, they crave respect because often they don't respect themselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
They want to feel in control and prepared for any circumstance or eventuality that might take them by surprise because the alternative makes them feel almost vulnerable. Now, think about how you respond to positive people, people who lift you up, who smile and make jokes and don't take life all that seriously. They make you feel connected, happy, seen,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Negative people, on the other hand, not only make us unhappy, they make us doubt the way we see the world. We're social beings. It's natural for us to care about others and to care what they think of us too.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
It's one reason why being in love is such an exhilarating sensation and why it's doubly hard being around people whose negativity, excessive anxiety, lack of trust, or all-encompassing pessimism is so challenging to respond to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
Whether it's a parent who discourages us from pursuing our passions and dreams, a sibling who tells us that going on the roller coaster is too dangerous and will fall and break our necks, or a work colleague who gives you dirty looks across the room, being around negativity and toxicity chips away at our happiness, confidence, and well-being. But I want to make a distinction here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
There is a difference between someone being negative to try and protect you and someone being negative when they're trying to hurt you. Often our parents and our family members are trying to protect us. They want us to be safe. It's not that they don't believe in our dreams, it's that they don't want us to go through the things that it takes to get to our dreams. Listen to me carefully.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
It's not that your family doesn't believe in your dreams. They don't want you to go through the pain that may come if you pursue your dreams. Sometimes people want to protect you, not hurt you. Don't misunderstand their protection for as their projection of your potential failure. They don't think you're going to fail. They don't want you to fail.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Types of Toxic People in Your Life & 4 Tools to Stop Letting Them Drain You
They're just worried about how you'll feel if you fail. It's important to remember that. Okay, I am so excited about this because we've got the first ever merch drop for On Purpose. It's finally here. And for World Mental Health Day, we're doing an exclusive limited edition drop with all the proceeds going to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, NAMI.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
You used to feel that you wanted this constant feeling of living on the edge. Oh my God, when are they going to message back? Oh my gosh, when are they going to reply? Oh my God, what shall I tell them? Oh my God, when are they going to turn up? Oh my gosh, what are they going to do? Like you lived in that conscious state of anxiety, of drama, of uncertainty. And where did it get you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
left you heartbroken, left you lonely. In your 30s, you realize someone who messages on time, that's the kind of person I want to be with. In your 30s, you realize someone who turns up on time, who shows up for me. Yeah, that's the kind of person I want to be with. In your 30s, you recognize, oh yeah, that person who checks in with me. Oh, I really like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
I don't want someone who doesn't message back. I don't want someone who doesn't call to check in. I don't want someone who makes up excuses every time we were meant to do something. Sure, it felt exciting to pursue someone, to have the chase, to feel like they may or may not want you and figure that out. But in your 30s, you recognize, I want clarity. I want clarity over fake chemistry.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
I want spontaneity over a false spark. It's not that it has to get boring, but you realize the value in peace over drama. In your 20s, you might even have pursued drama. In your 30s, you pursue peace and avoid trauma. You know what it feels like. You don't want to invite that back into your life. In your 20s, you might have settled for comfort.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Maybe you even stayed in a relationship for too long. In your 30s, you're consciously holding out for the right fit. In your 20s, you might have settled, stayed somewhere for longer than you needed to, accepted less than you deserve because you were worried about being lonely. In your 30s, you recognize that being alone is a part of life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. Dating is hard, divorce is harder.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And actually, when you can feel comfortable in that discomfort, that's when you can truly find and attract someone into your life. In your 20s, you might settle for someone because they're good enough or because you don't want to be alone. In your 30s, you don't settle. You're clear that you'd rather be single than be in a relationship that doesn't feel right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
You've figured out that being alone is better than being in a relationship that doesn't meet your need. Right, for people who feel pain of being single, It's important to remember this. There's the pain of being single and the pain of being in the wrong relationship. And every time the pain of being in the wrong relationship is worse than the pain of being single.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
I know so many people who are married but want to be divorced. I know so many people that are engaged but don't look forward to their wedding. I know so many people that have been married for years and don't know a way out. That is so much harder than trying to find the right person. It's so much harder than trying to ask the right questions. It's so much harder than being curious.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Dating is hard, but divorce is harder, right? Think about that for a second. It's a lot harder. It's how the mind is always, the grass is greener on the other side. And there's the famous quote that says, the grass isn't greener on the other side, the grass is greener where you water it. And that's the shift I want you to take into your 30s. The grass is greener where you water it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Water it here, water it in your 30s. Stop thinking that your 20s were the best time to date. Not only are they not coming back, You don't live there anymore. So we don't want to keep our mind somewhere that we can't go back to and somewhere that we don't live, right? We can't even visit it again. It's not even like a vacation that you want to go back to because you had such a good time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Knowing that time is moving forward, don't focus on moving backwards.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Being with someone is hard, breaking up is harder. Being single is better than being with the wrong person. Being single is better than settling for the wrong person. And being single is better than settling for less than you deserve. the number one health and wellness podcast.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Dating is hard. Divorce is harder. Being with someone is hard. Breaking up is harder. Being single is better than being with the wrong person. Being single is better than settling for the wrong person. And being single is better than settling for less than you deserve. In your 20s, every breakup feels like the worst thing ever. In your 30s, you've recognized that you can bounce back stronger.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 20s, a breakup can feel like the end of the world. In your 30s, you waste less time wallowing. You focus on healing yourself. You recognize that it's more something you want to do for yourself than to get over someone else. In your 20s, you think healing is getting closure. In your thirties, you realize healing is building confidence.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your twenties, you feel healing requires an apology from them. In your twenties, you realize healing requires you to forgive yourself. In your twenties, healing means trying to get over someone else. In your thirties, healing means doing it for yourself. It's a really powerful place to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Because now every time you're healing, even if you are broken up with, even if you are mistreated, even if someone does take advantage of you, you're putting your energy and emphasis into yourself. You're using it. as an investment in yourself rather than an investment in someone else using brainpower or brain energy elsewhere. In your 20s, you overthink every detail.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 30s, you experience and enjoy the moment. In your 20s, you might overanalyze every text, every date, every comment, wondering if they're the one. And in your 30s, you slow down a little. I want you to slow down a little, even if you are feeling pressure. I want you to take that pressure off. I want you to experience it for what it is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And maybe as you've been listening to me, you're thinking, Jay, I'm not doing that in my 30s. I'm still feeling the pressure. Well, I want you to rise to this. In your 30s, you understand that relationships take time to unfold. You're cool with letting things develop naturally instead of rushing the process. This is how I want you to approach your 30s.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Anything I might say, you might even say, Jay, I don't really relate to that. I'm probably making the same mistakes. Well, this is what I want you to aspire for. This is what I want you to rise to because that's how you do the work. That's how you make a shift in your life. In your 20s, you are riding the highs. In your 30s, you keep things grounded.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 20s, you might get swept away in the excitement of the honeymoon phase and let the little things slide. In your 30s, you know the honeymoon phase fades, so you look for someone who can handle the lows as much as the highs. The best relationships are the ones that deal with the worst times in the best ways. Let me say that again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
The best relationships are the ones that deal with the worst times in the best ways. The best relationships are not the ones with always having the best times, having the best moments, having the best experiences. And in your 30s, you prepare for that. You prepare for that with your partner. You anticipate your first fight. You recognize how you handle disagreements.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
You think about it with that person. And if they don't want to think about that, then they're not your person. In your 30s, if someone doesn't treat you well, you don't work harder, you move on. In your 20s, you would have shifted, changed, molded, transformed yourself to be liked, to be treated better. You would have worked harder to be treated better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host, Jay Shetty, and I am so grateful that you're back here for another episode. Thank you so much for tuning in. And this is going to be an episode that you send to all your friends. Because I know so many people right now who are dating in their 30s, who are struggling
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 30s, if you're not treated better, you don't work harder, you move on. In your 30s, if people take advantage of you, you realize it's their loss. In your 20s, if people took advantage of you, you let them continue to do it because you believed it was your loss if they left. In your 30s, if they don't like something about you, you don't change yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 20s, you would have shapeshifted in order to make things work. The three things you need to be really attentive about in your 30s is be better at noticing love bombing. If someone comes on fast, slow it down. If someone comes on too strong, focus on building real strength. Don't let yourself be gaslit more than once. We all make mistakes. We all get fooled once. Don't get fooled twice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And remember, You are going to be a part of someone's healing and they're going to be a part of yours. Everyone's going to bring baggage in their 30s and so are you. You just want someone who's willing to help you unpack and let you unpack theirs. That's what you need.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
I really hope that this has re-inspired you for dating in your 30s, made you recognize that all the experiences you've had, all the challenges you've had, all the pains you've had have actually given you the insight, the lessons to not make the same mistakes. But it's your job to slow down and really reflect and take it in. Remember, I'm always in your corner and forever rooting for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Thanks for listening to On Purpose. If you enjoyed this podcast, you're going to love my conversation with Michelle Obama, where she opens up on how to stay with your partner when they're changing and the four check-ins you should be doing in your relationship. We also talk about how to deal with relationships when they're under stress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
If you're going through something right now with your partner or someone you're seeing, this is the episode for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Because the mindset that I'm old, that it's too late, that it should have happened earlier is the biggest block for them. The biggest thing blocking you back from dating and finding love in your 30s is that you think it's too late. You think it should have happened earlier. You think it should have happened in your 20s. You believe that for some reason, You're the last one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
You're late to the party. That somehow you missed something special that was meant to happen in your 20s. And I know a lot of people feel this way. That's why if you've ever felt this way or your friends have, this episode is for you. If you've got a friend out there who's just gone through a tough breakup, send this episode to them. If you've got a friend out there who's tired of online dating,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Send this episode to them. If you've got a friend out there, or if it's even you who's saying to themselves, or even if they're not saying it, that's the interesting thing, right? It's not that we're saying it, but we're thinking it. I'm too old. I missed something. It should have happened earlier. This episode is for you. The truth is you're not behind. The truth is, it's not too late.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In fact, your 30s can be one of the most empowering, transformative times in your life when it comes to relationships. And today I'm going to walk you through some of the mistakes we made in our 20s that we don't do anymore so that we recognize why our 30s can be powerful. And by the way, some of the mistakes that we may be carrying through into our 30s that we can avoid.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Before we begin, let's acknowledge something. Society feeds us this narrative, this timeline, that you should be dating by a certain age. You should be married by a certain age. You should have had kids by a certain age. But we all know that that timeline isn't even necessary. We all work at different paces. We all find what's meaningful to us at different times.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And the research actually backs it up. According to a 2022 study by the Pew Research Center, the average age for first marriages has been steadily increasing. For men, it's now 30 years old, and for women, it's around 28. The study also found that nearly half of adults aged 18 to 44 in the US are single.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And the number of people getting married in their 30s and even 40s has risen significantly in the last few decades. So if you're in your 30s and still not married, it's not a red flag. It's actually becoming more and more common.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And research published by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships in 2021 also highlights that people in their 30s are better equipped for successful long-term relationships. This is because by the time we reach this age, we're more self-aware, have a better understanding of what we want, and have more emotional maturity to navigate the complexities of romantic relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And that's a really big point there. There is no substitute for emotional maturity. Long-term relationships require one thing and one thing only, maturity. And you can't substitute that. You can't manufacture that in your 20s. There was also something else that I read that was fascinating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
A study published by the National Bureau of Economic Research found that people who marry later in life are happier in their marriages. Specifically, couples who marry in their 30s report higher levels of satisfaction, less stress, and a stronger emotional connection. What's the reason? They've had more time to figure out their needs and find a partner who's truly compatible.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
I'm sharing that with you because I think we underestimate We truly underestimate the power of what our 30s has. And another study by the University of California, Berkeley, revealed that people who marry later tend to be healthier. They report lower levels of depression and anxiety and have better overall well-being. So let's really reframe the idea that you're behind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Let's really reframe that thing that's stopping us from actually finding love at this moment in our life. In our 20s, we're figuring out who we are. In our 30s, we're being clear about who we want. You're still trying to figure out who you are in your 20s, your deal breakers, your red flags, your type, and whether you're into long-term or casual relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 30s, you know what you want, whether it's a relationship, casual dating, or just being on your own. You've got your deal breakers locked in. You've spent time figuring out what you want because you've been through plenty of bad experiences.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
I think it's really interesting how if you remember one of the first people you had a long-term relationship with, they just felt like the right person. not because you actually knew, but because you'd just been with them for a long amount of time. And it's really interesting to me how the time bias creeps in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
If you've been with someone for a year and they're your first serious relationship, you assume they must be the one. Whereas in your 30s, when you've been with someone for a year, even if it's feeling positive, there's a part of you that wants to build on that. There's a part of you that wants to be clear about what you want.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 20s, even if you're not, you're going to find people who are playing games. The difference is in your 30s, you're playing it straight, right? In your 20s, if someone was playing games with you, you had to kind of figure out how to play games with them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Maybe you stayed up all night trying to decode every text, or maybe you wanted to make sure you didn't come on too strong or stay too distant. If someone played games with you, you had to find a way to play games back. Maybe you were even the one who started the games. But in your 30s, you're slowly getting that confidence to say what you mean.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
You're getting the confidence to be into someone and be honest with them. You also get the confidence to say, this isn't for me. It's simpler, right? In your 20s, you either shifted, you pivoted, you molded, you played along. This time it's game over. And I think that's a superpower. You've outgrown the dating games. You don't have time to waste on mixed signals or mind games.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And that's a really thing to be really important to take into consideration. In your 20s, people played games with you so you had to learn to play the game. In your 30s, you play it straight so it's game over. There's no more room for games. Now, in your 30s, you're still figuring out who you are, but I promise you, you're more clear on who you want.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
You're clearer because you know the mistakes you've made. And this may take a second to shift from self-discovery to self-assurance, but I encourage you to do it. Reflect on the mistakes you make. Reflect on the bad decisions you made in your twenties. Take a moment to make a list of all the men you dated in your twenties that weren't right for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Take a moment to reflect on the women you dated that weren't the one for you. Why did you make that mistake? What did you get misled by? Was it their aura? Was it their charisma? Was it their talent? What was it about that person that distracted you away from your values? And that's the other thing. In your 30s, you have a stronger take on what your values are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
You have a stronger understanding and commitment to what your values are because you know what it feels like when you trade your values. You compromised your values in your 20s. You allowed yourself to be controlled in your 20s. You allowed someone to compare you to someone else in your 20s. In your 30s, you're committed to your new set of values.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 30s, you're committed to not being controlled, to not being played with. There's a superpower in that, and I don't want you to lose sight of it. In your 20s, you ignored red flags. In your 30s, you're starting to trust your gut. In your 20s, you might ignore the little red flags, or you tell yourself you can change them later. In your 30s, you realize red flags are deal breakers.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And if something feels off, you trust your gut and move faster. One of the biggest realizations in your 30s is you've learned the hard way that ignoring warning signs only wastes time. Trusting your instincts saves you drama. The big lesson here is in your 30s, you've realized one thing. People don't change for people. People don't change for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
They change for themselves if they want to, when they want to. You can't change anyone else. You can't change someone. You can't change their priorities. You can't change their likes and dislikes. You can't change their focus. You can't change their ambition. You can't change their drive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 20s, you convinced yourself that you could change what that person aspired to be, that you could edit, you could mold, you could in some way inspire them to become different. In your 30s, you realize that that's a person. They're not a project. They're a person, not a project. They're a human, not someone that has to become a high performer because you want them to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
And they're a person, not potential. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. In your 30s, you realize that's a person, not a project. That's a person, not potential. That's a person, not someone that I have to make perform in the way I want them to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 20s, you convinced yourself that you might be able to shift, mold, inspire, and it might even have been well-intentioned. But you now recognize that it isn't going to work that way. It doesn't work that way. So, You learn the hard way. You're not going to ignore those little red flags anymore. You're going to raise them early. It's not that you run away or distance yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
You're conscious enough to make them a part of the conversation, to make them a part of the dialogue. You value talking about difficult things. You value raising something, not worrying about whether it pushes someone away. Don't underestimate the power that you have in your 30s. In your 20s, you were chasing sparks. In your 30s, you're seeking stability.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Best Dating Advice For People In Their 30s (You're Not Behind)
In your 20s, you were infatuated with chemistry. In your 30s, you're inspired by compatibility. In your 20s, you chase that intense, emotive, firework feeling. In your 30s, you realized that solid, stable communication and mutual respect is at the heart of a real connection. It's really interesting when you go through that shift, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism give you a natural kick of caffeine combat stress pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function even better juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can we believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Day 16 to 20 is called the mind shift. Notice how we went body, people, mind, right? So we started with the purge. So we kind of blocked out everything we didn't want in. But then we started with the body because it's great to feel shift in the body. Then we went the people around us and now we do the mind. So what we often do with the mind is we just listen to love songs.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
We watch our favorite romantic movies. And guess what? You sit there and you cry and you eat ice cream. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with any of that. That's okay if you want to do that. But when you're ready, this is the 30 days that's going to change it for you. The no love songs, no sad movies detox.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Cut out all breakup music and movies for 30 days when you're ready to really get over this breakup, right? This 30 days may come three months after you break up. For some of you, it may come immediately after you break up. For some people, it may come six years after you break up. But these 30 days have to happen at some point. Replace them with uplifting, neutral or empowering content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Start a new book. Listen to a new podcast. Maybe you're listening to this one right now for that reason. Start a new course, a masterclass. Flood your brain with new ideas. It's time to change your mind. Now, why did we go body, people, mind? Because if you try and do this one first, it's really hard. When you've already shifted your body, you're feeling a new state.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
We all know the feeling when we change something physical, because we live in our physical selves, it changes everything for us. When you change your hairstyle, you almost are surprised every time you look in the mirror. When you change your workout routine, you're more surprised about the energy you feel. When you change your environment, like the color of a room, you feel different.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
This episode is dedicated to anyone who's struggling with a breakup. If you or your friend has gone through a recent breakup, And even though you're putting on a brave face or they're putting on a brave face, you know this has affected you. It's affected them. This episode is for you and them. If you're someone who is scared of breaking up because of what might come, this episode is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
So we want to change physical states first, then the people around us, then our mind. A lot of us try and do the mind shift first and it doesn't work, right? It doesn't work. And this works wonders. This mind shift fuels you with so many different ideas. And a good thing you can add to this is something I call the reverse bucket list.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Instead of listing things you want to do, list things you never want to do or repeat in a relationship. Right? We're used to writing down all the things we want to do before we die. List all the things you never want to do again in a relationship. And use this as a guide when you start dating again. So you don't just heal, but you upgrade. I think this is one of the biggest mistakes we make.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
People are just trying to get over their ex. We're just trying to move on, but we're not upgrading. And I think when you choose to say, hey, this is what I'm never going to do again. I'm never going to fall fast. I'm never just going to give up my trust. I'm never just going to hand them, you know, whatever it is that you made mistakes on. And again, you don't want these things to be extreme.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
You want them to be real. And you may edit them. You may review them. And you may change them over time, but it's great to start with a reverse bucket list. I wanna go back to that idea about a new identity for a second. It's so important that if your Sunday routine used to involve snuggling up to a movie, make Sundays your workout and meal prep day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
The goal is all about erasing patterns and building new ones. That doesn't mean you'll never go back to that park. It doesn't mean you'll never go back to that restaurant that you loved, right? That's not the point I'm making. The point I'm making is that we need to shift pattern. We need to edit pattern
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
as quickly as possible right we have to do that another thing that usually happens by this date is there are things you want to say to that person right by this point you've reflected you've thought about it and now you're like wait a minute there's stuff i want to say to that person that i never got to say and sometimes it's an excuse to just get back in touch
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
feel a bit of, you know, interest again, a lot of the time it's just a painful point that you never got closure from them. So what you want to do in this regard is create a private note or text thread where you vent instead of texting them. So you're not texting yourself. You're now texting them, but it's not going to them. You're not pressing send.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Every time you feel an emotional wave, type out what you'd say to them, but don't send it. And you can read it back later, see how fast your emotions shift. And this helps you break the illusion that they are the solution to your feelings. You believe that they're the ones to give you closure. This process makes you realize that you're the only person who can give you closure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
What this evolves into is something I call the reverse closure letter that you never send. Write a letter from your future healed self to your present self. It could sound like this. I know this hurts now, but trust me, it will all make sense. You'll be grateful for this in the future. This will turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
And you can read this every time you doubt yourself. I hope that this is helping. I hope it's resonating. I hope it's connecting. I want you to find one or two things in here that really move the needle for you, that really help you. And a few quick ways to think about it is the opposite day technique. If you feel like isolating, make yourself go out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
If you feel like crying in bed, make yourself journal. The goal is to retrain your nervous system so that you're not just sinking into emotional autopilot. The opposite day technique is one of my favorite ways because it shifts you out of your thing. And that's really what we're talking about here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
What we're talking about with all of this is how can you quickly shift yourself, not to make things better, not to negate your feelings, not to neglect how you feel, but to put yourself in a position of strength of being able to actually deal with this in a healthy way. Day 21 to day 25, adventure mode. Do something you've never done before, right? It's fun. It's exciting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Set up a solo date night, set up an activity night, whatever you want to do with some friends, find people that you want to do interesting things with that you've never done before. All of a sudden you realize your life is filled with more adventure and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
And if you're someone who just got broken up with and you're trying to figure out what healing looks like, whether it's possible, what are the things that are about to come your way, this episode is for you. I really want you to use this episode as a map, as a guideline to create your own reinvention, to create your own rejuvenation and to create your own comeback.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
you ever thought and day 26 to day 30 is reflection in the reflection phase i want you to set a 90 day reminder mark a date 90 days from today on your calendar write down where you want to be emotionally one new skill, hobby, or milestone you will have accomplished or worked towards. And then in 90 days, you have something to look at.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Something to look at how far you've come, something to look at how far you've broken. And remember when you thought you'd never get over this? Look at you now. Now, healing isn't linear. You'll have moments where you go back and forth, but it will blow your mind how far you've come. You have to set a future date from which you can look back at where you are now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
One of my favorite reflections that I've encouraged clients to do in this regard is at one point when you're ready to call what I call is visualizing them as a stranger. Imagine running into them 10 years from now at a coffee shop. Picture them as just some person, no emotional charge, no judgment, just neutral.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
It tricks your brain into fast forwarding the healing process and reducing emotional intensity. Now you can't rush to that, but it's a really great way of realizing that one day, right now there's all these emotions, there's all this pain, there's all this stress, which you're allowed to feel. One day you won't feel it, not in the same intensity at least.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
And another thing that's really helped me is what I call removing the storyline. Take a brutally honest inventory of the relationship's worst moments. Look at the facts. Did they make you feel insecure? Did you have to shrink yourself and reframe it? You didn't lose them. You freed yourself, right? You didn't lose them. You actually became free.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
And I think to so many of us, that's what we're trying to recognize, is that in some way, somewhere, deep down, we know, you know, that this is actually going to be good for you. It's just that we're holding so strongly onto the idea. And then if all of that doesn't work, here's my favorite.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Change their contact name or delete it, but if you don't change it, save their name as do not text or call. That simple reminder will block you when you're about to do something. Remove the shared Google photo access, mute and block on Spotify, Venmo, anywhere that it may come up, because all it is is a trigger. Instagram, TikTok, all it is is a trigger.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
And you don't have to be strong enough to not be triggered. I think a lot of us think, well, I'm not weak. I can still see them and not be affected. We are that weak. All of us are sent back right down nostalgia lane, memory lane, and that's where we go. Give it a moment. I really hope this helps. I really hope this supports you. Let me know who you shared this with.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
I really believe that these techniques will help you through a breakup. Thank you for trusting me with your time. Remember, I'm always in your corner and forever rooting for you. Thanks for listening. And I really, really can't wait for you to listen to another episode.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Hey everyone, if you loved that conversation, go and check out my episode with the world's leading therapist, Laurie Gottlieb, where she answers the biggest questions that people ask in therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, and dating. If you're trying to figure out that space right now, you won't want to miss this conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
I really believe that this episode will give you ideas, insights, ways in which you can apply to see how to use this as a transformative experience. These moments in our lives come at us hard and fast. They hit us really hard and they affect all areas of our life. And often when we're going through a breakup, we really feel like there will be no better day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
There is no light at the end of the tunnel. We can often experience this. But this episode is here to remind you, not only will you rise, but you will rise stronger, better, and more resilient. I also want to make this episode extremely practical and tactical for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
So write down notes, whether you're using your phone or whether you're writing down in your journal, and make sure you come back to this one as well. So the first thing I want to set you is this idea called a 30-day no-contact reinvention challenge. Instead of just avoiding contact, I want you to actively reinvent yourself each day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
The reason why breakups hurt so much is because we feel parts of ourself are lost, broken, or gone forever. And when we realize that actually we're not trying to hold on to what was there, we're trying to rebuild from what's left. We're looking at what has been left behind and what we can do with that, not what we once had.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
So I'm going to break this down into five day experiences, because often what we think about is we hear things like time will heal all wounds. That's not untrue. I actually think that is true. But here's the thing. We need to make it smaller. We need to make it more measurable. We need to make it more actionable. Does time mean six months, 12 months, three months?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
So I'm going to give you a 30-day no-contact reinvention challenge. Day one to five, potentially the most difficult, hardest, painful days. You just broke up with them. They just broke up with you. This is the time that you're most likely to run back to them or they're most likely to try and get you back. or they're most likely to ignore you and you really want them back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Day one to five will be the hardest days you experience. Here's what you do. Delete messages. Remove reminders. Block social media. Create a breakup-free digital space. It's so needed. It's so, so needed. And a big part of this is something I call the anti-ritual disruption. You had a ritual with this person that started to feel like your life. You always texted them goodnight.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
You always got a good morning message from them. You always went out to coffee together on Saturday, Sundays for brunch. Break those patterns. Purge. Delete the messages, remove the reminders, block, mute, break up free digital space and break the patterns of those rituals. If you always texted them goodnight, text someone else goodnight.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
A friend, a family member, someone who's always been there for you, someone who's always around, someone that you may not even remember that often. Send them a goodnight message. You used to go with them every Saturday to get a coffee, every Sunday to get brunch. Change your coffee shop. Change your brunch spot. I don't really, it doesn't matter how much you loved that place or how amazing it was.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Change the memory. Break the pattern. Take yourself out for coffee. Go out with someone else for brunch. Switch the pattern up. One of the biggest mistakes we make is we stay in the same pattern wanting to get rid of something. It is pretty impossible to remove an emotional feeling from a physical place if that physical place mattered to you both. Break the patterns.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Your brain links routines to them. If you change your routine, you will change the attachment. Too many of us don't change our pattern, don't change our routine, and expect to change the attachment. Now it is true. we kind of want to feel close to it. There's a part of us that secretly even enjoys the fact that that place mattered to us. We still go there. We have some feelings. I get it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
But we have to purge day one to five. Day six to 10, body reset. Change something physical. Maybe you're going to change a new hairstyle, a fitness routine, a sleep schedule. We're going back to breaking patterns, but we're breaking patterns of our own. So the first half was breaking patterns from the relationships, day one to five. You used to mess with them, you mess with someone else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Day six to 10... You're breaking your own patterns, a new fitness routine, a new sleep schedule, a new hairstyle, whatever it may be that works for you. The reason why we want to break things so quickly and organically as well, of course, it has to be things you want to do, is because you're shifting and moving. We're not used to change, especially when you're in relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
When you get into a long-term relationship or an invested relationship, Routines are at the heart of that relationship Rituals are at the heart of that relationship The quicker you shift your rituals and routines The quicker you change your memories of that relationship Too many of us stay
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
in the same physical state we don't do a body reset we stay in the same place for a long long time it's one of the reasons why revenge body which i'm not encouraging i encourage you to work out for yourself and your own health but a reason why that idea makes sense because you're getting active you're shifting something about yourself but ideally do it for yourself Day 11 to 15 is a social reset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Reach out to three old friends or make a new connection. By day 11 to 15... You're going to want to text that ex. You might even have been strong up until now, and now you can't bear it. It's not harder than the first five days. It's harder than it felt in those first five days to not message them. You get pulled back. into that old habit.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
So I'm going to give you what I call the five text rule for breaking the urge to reach out. This is called the five text rule. Before you text your ex, send five texts. One to a friend, one to someone you admire, one to a family member, One to yourself, yep, literally text yourself. And five, one to a new connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. Break the patterns. Your brain links routines to them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
By the end of that, the urge usually passes because you've created five conversations. Now you may message your friend and your friend's not available. So usually you'd message your friend and then you'd go message your ex. Especially if you asked your friend, hey, should I message my ex? Don't make the conversation about your ex. Make it about something else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Message your friend and ask them what they're doing later. What are they doing this weekend? How's their day going? Ask them questions about them. Shift the energy from your problems to helping them. Too many of us will reach out to everyone in our life and only talk about our problems. Hey, I really need to talk to you. I'm really struggling with this. Hey, I just need to talk about my ex.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Hey, I think I should take them back. Hey, I really want to message them. What should I do? You use the people that are trying to help you to solve the situation about the person who hurt you. Make it about that person. Help them, support them, be there for them. Ask them how their day's going. You will get out of your own head.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
So send a message to a friend and don't make it, hey, should I text my ex? Second, someone you admire. Maybe a professor or maybe a DM to someone online, whatever it may be, just someone you look up to. And again, make it separate from the conversation. One to a family member.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
I promise you there's a family member in your life who loves you, who supports you, who's there for you, and you forgot about them. During that relationship, you ignored them, you disconnected from them, and you don't need to do that. Send a message to that person. Number four, send a message to yourself. It's a great place to store your thoughts. Often we try and solve our thoughts in our head.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Pretty difficult to do that. It's almost like when you think about it, there's a courtroom and then there's a jury room, right? In the courtroom, the jury room listens, but they go to the jury room to make a decision. You need to have a conversation with yourself in text form in the jury room.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Your mind's like the courtroom where you think you have to make the big decisions, where you think you have to solve everything. But that's not true. You need to be able to go to a jury room to discuss it, to think about it, to reflect. And the courtroom is just the place you announce the decision. Notice that distinction is huge. Often we're just having conversations in our head.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Should I stay with them? Should I text them? Should I take them back? What should I do? And you're almost trying to make this big decision in the courtroom. Text yourself. Build a log of how you feel different at different times. How do you really feel about that person? And I'll come back to that point. But what do you really think? What do you really believe?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
The courtroom, your mind, is a place to listen, is a place to absorb. It's there. But the decision is made in the jury room and announced in the courtroom. When you've taken out that personal time to reflect, to introspect, to think, you can come back to your mind and whenever your mind says, let's text them, you go, no, we thought about this. I'm going to text five people first.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
The five text rule for breaking the urge to reach out is a game changer. One to a friend, one to someone you admire, one to a family friend, one to yourself, and fifth to a new connection. Could be someone you're networking with, a community member. Obviously, if it's brand new, ideally not someone you're dating, but if you're further down the line, it could be that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
And all of a sudden, you've started five conversations. And here's what you learn through this. You start to learn that there is more connection out there than you actually believe. There is more love out there than you actually believe. There is more support out there than you actually believe. Let me say that again. You have to remember that there is more love in your life than you believe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
You have more support in your life than you believe. And you have more people rooting for you than you believe. The problem is you've learned to believe that there's only one person who can love you perfectly. You've learned to believe that there's only one person who knows what you need. You have trained yourself to believe that there's only one person who can satisfy you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
If you change your routine, you will change the attachment. Too many of us don't change our pattern, don't change our routine, and expect to change the attachment. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. He won the only Jay Shetty. Ha ha. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. It's your host, Jay Shetty, and I am so happy, so grateful that you've joined me today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
And when you text five people, you start recognizing that's just not true. There are so many people who understand you. There are so many people who care about you. There are so many people who value you. And you have to experience it. You can't just remind yourself. You can't just talk yourself through it. You actually have to practice it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
And when you get messages back from your friend, someone you admire, a family member, yourself, you're not going to get a text back from, but you now have that jury room, courtroom breakdown. And finally... a person maybe that you're networking with, a community member, someone you're dating, all of a sudden you realize you always had that value.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
We have to unlearn this idea that there's only one person who knows how to love you, that there's only one person who knows how to help you. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And what I was saying to them is that, well, that person's been friends with those people for like 10, 15 years. And even if they are getting bad advice from their friends, it may take them another 10, 15 years to realize that. Now you may say, well, I don't have that time and that's totally fine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
But you're going to find that the next person you meet may need 10 years of unwiring and unlearning their relationship with their parents. Someone else may need to unwire their relationship with food. Someone else may need to unwire their relationship with something else. So what I find is whoever you end up with, they're going to have to rewire their relationship with something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And by the way, you do too. And often what we're saying is, I just want to be with someone who's not working on anything at all. And that doesn't exist, right? Everyone's healing. I remember in the monastery, we were told, You're in a hospital. Everyone's healing. Everyone's diseased. Everyone around you is on their own journey.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And so it's almost like the right partner is figuring out who are you okay healing with? Who are you okay sharing an area with? Who are you okay sharing a space with? And when I say okay, I don't mean that it can't be beautiful and wonderful and amazing. I mean, that's a healthier question to ask. Is this someone that I trust that I can heal with?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
If I share my feelings with this person, are they going to take them seriously? If I share my heart with this person, are they going to hold it? Let me really dig into this. When you trust someone, it means if you share your emotions with them, you believe they'll take them seriously. When you share your heart with them, you believe they'll hold it gently.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
When you share your dreams with them, you believe that they'll be excited for you. Trust is when you feel such a safe space that you can truly be yourself without holding back and create that space for that person as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
So one of the ways in which you know that the place you're in may be challenging for you with a person is your partner's opinions bother you, right? It could be anything. For example, the way they talk about other people. It could be their political affiliations. It could be about men and women's roles in society. It could be how they treat someone at the restaurant, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And these are all important things, but they're also things that you can learn to address and have more thoughtful conversations about. And I think this is the challenge. I think we're now living at a red flags, green flags time. And what I mean by this is we're saying, hey, if you take any of these red flags, you're out. And if you take any of these green flags, you're in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And the crazy part about that is we're basically saying that there are amazing traits and terrible traits. What we're not recognizing is that everyone is complex and everyone's going to have some red flags. Like the fact that your partner has different opinions from you isn't a sign that they're the wrong person. It's a sign that maybe you need to engage deeper to actually understand them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you for tuning in for another episode. If you're in a relationship and want to know if it's the right or wrong one, this episode is for you. If you're newly dating, and you're trying to figure out how to build a deeper connection, this episode is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And if they're willing to, that's great. And if they're not willing to, that's more of a sign, right? Someone having different opinions is not an issue. It's about whether... that person's willing to engage and you're willing to engage in a respectful way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
So much of a relationship is about how you choose to engage and respect as opposed to having the same ideas and the same thoughts and the same beliefs. Now, one thing that you should never ignore is if your friends have reservations, you should take them seriously.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
The reason I say this is because a lot of friends, and you have to know your friends, a lot of your friends will struggle to tell you the truth about your relationship because they don't want to lose their relationship with you. A lot of your friends may struggle to be honest with you about your relationship because they're scared that you may be hurt.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
A lot of your friends may not be real with you about your relationship because they're wondering if you choose to be in it forever, then they will also have to have a relationship with that person. Which is why if your friend opens up to you, it's worth taking seriously. Which is why if they have the courage to share something with you, it's worth listening.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
Because it was so hard for them to do that in the first place. Now you have to know your friends. You may also have friends who just love to have opinions about anything, everyone and everything. And that may not be valued at the same level as what I was just talking about. But most of the time we call people our friends for a reason. They know us, they've seen us at our best and our worst.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
They know everything about us. They might even know things about us we're not even aware of ourselves. The point is our friends look out for our best interests and want us to succeed most of the time. And that's why they're our friends. So why are they acting so strange around your partner? Why do you find yourselves, by mutual agreement, seeing your friends solo most of the time?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
Now, it's really important to use that data to ask them because what most of us do, and this is another challenge, this is how you know you're getting something wrong, is you isolate yourself. And by the way, it's natural. When you like someone, you isolate yourself from your friends and you only hang out with that partner, right? And by the way, we all do this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And if we're sitting here going, well, that person should be reminding me to spend time with my friends, I'm here to tell you, you should be reminding yourself and them to spend time with their friends. If someone is too clingy, or if you're getting too clingy or attached, it's important you remind each other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And most of all, you remind yourself that it's important to keep deepening your other relationships, right? It's easy to get lost in a relationship with your partner, it's more important to make sure that you have other friendships that are healthy as well. Now, an important part of whether you're with the right person or not is whether your communication needs match or don't match.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
Maybe you're someone who enjoys chronicling your day with another person, or maybe you're someone who likes checking in via text with your partner throughout the day. Are you and your partner of the same mind about this? Or does your partner get annoyed when you text them, or ask something important to say, or worse, don't respond?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And if you're exhausted of dating and it's feeling like a job, a chore, something you have to get to, this episode is for you. Now, I want to start off by saying that... Dating has become extremely challenging. We know it's hard. We know it's complicated. But here's the thing. It's not that it's ever been that easy. Sure, people may have found people quicker.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
Or perhaps you're a person who's upfront and honest about your feelings and you find yourself involved with someone who has a lot of buried, unexcavated stuff going on, or who seems defended, or uses humor to distract from their emotions. Maybe you like to go deep, whereas there's someone who likes keeping things light and superficial.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
Now, this isn't an issue in the sense that you can't be in a relationship with this person. But the question mark is, are you patient enough for them to change? And are you okay if they don't? That's really the question we have to ask ourselves in a hard relationship. Are you patient enough to wait for them to change? And are you okay if they never change? That's the real truth, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
That's the hard truth. And if you think about it carefully, this is quite common. It's very normal for one person in the relationships to not be able to open up. And a lot of the times the other person wants to open up too much, right? We're both at either end of the spectrum. One person wants to talk about everything all of the time and the other person doesn't want to talk about anything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And so those are the areas in our life where we have to strike a healthy balance. We have to recognize that maybe some of our wanting to check in all the time is anxiety-based and maybe some of their not wanting to check in is anxiety-based, right? That's the kicker.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
That's what's so interesting that we want to check in with them all the time and know what's going on because we're anxious, but they don't want to talk about things because they're anxious about something else. And this is what I really want to encourage people
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
relationships are about healing as long as they're not emotionally verbally physically abusive those i'm not including in this conversation about what i'm talking about those are ones that you should seek professional support you should not stick around out of pressure but when you really think about it a lot of the stuff we have challenges with with our partner is because we're not letting them heal and they're not letting us heal
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
Most relationships have a healing problem that causes hurt as opposed to another type of problem. It's a healing problem. We don't want to give the person space to heal. We expect them to be healed. And they're not giving us the space to heal ourselves. And the challenge is we think we're trying to heal and fix that person, not realizing we're being pulled and pushed to heal parts of ourselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
That's really what's being demanded in a relationship. What's really being demanded in most relationships is can we heal, right? Now, a relationship can be the wrong relationship if they don't respect you. right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
If they don't want to give you an opportunity to pursue your career, if they don't care about your professional life, if they expect you to support theirs, and these are all common things, sadly. I've known a lot of people who sadly, where men in a patriarchal society have certain expectations of women that are unfair. They expect that the woman should not work.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
They expect the woman should take care of their parents. And there are all of these old-fashioned views. And they cause rifts in relationships because the person doesn't feel heard. Do they treat you like a human, right? That has to be what the right relationship is. And if your dreams are diminishing, you're in the wrong relationship. Maybe you've always loved to travel.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
Maybe the future fantasy of yourself in the wilderness. Maybe you've always wanted to spend time in Italy. Or you've had your eye on taking a teacher training course in yoga. Maybe you love to dance. And maybe, just maybe, your partner isn't into any of these things. But that's okay. But now they're dismissing it. They dismiss it as an unrealistic fantasy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
I think also there are so many of us that just don't feel our dreams are supported by a partner. Now, I don't mean financially because that's a conversation. But what I've realized is a lot of people don't believe in our dreams because they don't believe in their own. They never had someone who believed in them, so they don't have the capacity to believe in you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
Sure, people may have found people closer to them, easier, that knew their family. But that didn't mean it led to healthy, fulfilling relationships. I'm sure you've seen aunts and uncles, maybe even parents, people around you who didn't model or have the best relationships. And therefore, finding connection is something that requires work. It is something that requires time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And the question you have to ask yourself is, am I willing... to be the one to shift because this person has so much depth. This person has great qualities, great abilities, or am I not ready to do that? And you're well within your rights to make that choice. Well within your right to make that choice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
This is why I think when you start dating or restart dating, or even if you've been in a relationship for a while, find out someone's values quick. And that's why I created the values space on Match.com where you can actually find out your values, your partner's values, and connect on that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And I also want to say that in addition to our bespoke core values feature on Match, we've added deep dives, a way to choose a topic and share what you value and why it's important to you. And I want to invite you all to put these lessons into practice with me. I'm partnering with Match to create something that has never been done before.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
You will have the opportunity to join other singles to date with intention based on your values and a deeper connection. If you're not single, please share this episode with a friend to help them change their mindset. Join the waitlist at datingreset.match.com. Datingreset.waitlist.com.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And I'll say this too, this episode's for anyone, even if you're with someone, you're not with someone, because a lot of us don't really know our partners that deeply. And it's never too late to start. Thank you for listening. Remember, I'm always rooting for you and forever in your corner. I hope this helps.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
If you love this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your ex and find true love in your relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And so I think sometimes we have this nostalgia effect that everyone who came before us found love and everyone who came before us found the perfect person. but that for some reason for us, it has got more hard. Now, I'm not saying that the day-to-day may not feel harder.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
I'm not saying that the day-to-day isn't more challenging and there are more aspects of ghosting and gaslighting and everything else that's happening. But I will add this, the possibility for you to attract love into your life exists every single day. But it's important that we come at it from a place of love, not from a place of anxiety. Anxiety doesn't attract peace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
Anxiety attracts more anxiety. It attracts more nervousness. It attracts more awkwardness. It attracts more discomfort. But when we're in a place of peace, we're able to spot and attract more peace. Now, deeper connection and my fascination with it is what led me to partner up with Match. And something I've always loved about Match is that they've done their annual Singles in America study.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And last year, they revealed the top traits singles are looking for in a partner. 94% said someone they can trust and confide in. 92% said someone who's comfortable communicating their wants and needs. 92% said someone who is emotionally mature. And 92% said someone who can make them laugh. Now, I just want you to take a moment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
If you've just started dating, how many of you say this thing, but then an ick gets in the way when you're actually dating? Maybe you don't like the fact that they wear jewelry. Maybe you don't like their dress sense. Maybe you don't like their hairstyle. Maybe you don't like some weird quirk they have. But what has that got to do with someone you can trust and confide in?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
Sure, I'm not saying to ignore attractiveness or chemistry, but so often we get fixated on this one element, this one idiosyncrasy of theirs that it kind of cascades across the rest of who they are. How does the fact that they wear jewelry affect whether they're comfortable communicating their wants and needs?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
How does the fact that they have a terrible dress sense relate to them being emotionally mature or immature? It's really interesting to me how we get caught up on these ics and these idiosyncrasies that just distract us away from what we actually set out to look for, what we actually set out to focus on. And we all know today more than ever, are times valuable?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
The study shows that 73% of singles only want to go on in-person dates with someone they already know they have good chemistry with. And this can be really, really challenging because how do you quickly figure out whether you have chemistry with someone? And I think chemistry has been the red herring or the distraction. Chemistry has been that thing, that elusive...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
ethereal idea that almost keeps us single because we keep looking for it. We keep searching for it. We want the relationship we wanted at 16 years old. We want the relationship we wanted at that age. We want the person we were attracted to at that age. We want the person that we dreamt of at that age. And because we didn't find them at that age, we're still looking for them today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
So we're now 36 trying to date that 16-year-old. We're now 28 trying to find that teenage romance that we were looking for. There's a lot of us that are living in a younger love story than our current age. We're living in a mental reality that's younger That isn't real right now. And it's keeping us distracted and keeping us fully fixated on the wrong things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
So one of Match's most popular features that I worked on with them is the core values feature, where singles can share what matters to them most and find people who prioritize the same things as they do. Just for signing up, I will send you my 10 deep dive questions to get to know someone on a deeper level. We want to help people shift from a superficial mindset to a values mindset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
In addition to our bespoke core values feature on Match, we've added deep dives, a way to choose a topic and share what you value and why it's important to you. I want to invite you all to put these lessons into practice with me. I'm partnering with Match to create something that has never been done before.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
To be the first to know more about our new dating reset, sign up for the waitlist at datingreset.match.com. datingreset.waitlist.com. Now, that's so important to me because if we're saying the number one thing we want is someone we can trust and confide in, well, that starts on day one. right? That starts on day one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And among the match community, honesty, love, and loyalty are currently the top values chosen across all demographics. And that says a lot about what people really want in a relationship. And hey, if you connect on that at the beginning, you have the chance to build the rest of it. I think this is the part that's really interesting for me that...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
You're with the right person if you start in the right place. I'll give you an example. If I plant a seed and I plant it in terrible soil, it's not fertile. I plant it in a way where it's not going to get sunlight or water. Sure, it might grow and sure, I can try and save it later, but I'm not giving it the best chance of success. And a lot of our relationships are like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
They start with the mind games. They may start with the manipulation. They start with the playing hard to get. That's like having no sun, no water, and no fertile soil and hoping that we're going to grow love from it. And then we try and rescue it, right? When we see a little glimmer of hope, we start watering it. We start giving it the right sunlight. We start giving it everything else it needs.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And we're almost always hanging on. But what if you're with the right person because you made it right? What if that's what it meant to be with the right person? Not that you found the right person, but you found a person and decided to do it right. And you both decided to do it right. That's actually what a healthy relationship is. I think we're perplexed. 72% of us believe in to some way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And when we say that, we mean that there's someone who's perfectly formed, perfectly created, perfectly crafted, right? just for us, destined for us. What we're saying is we're going to potentially go through 8 billion people to find that one person. The reality is that most healthy relationships are not perfect relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
Most healthy relationships will agree that they weren't made for each other. They may feel they were meant for each other, But they'll recognize that there's the ability that they both choose to make it right. Stop looking for the right person. Find your person who wants to make it right with you and you want to make it right with them. You both want to make the right choices together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And that's why you're right for each other. Not because you're perfect. Not because you were designed, made, or crafted perfectly for each other. But because you chose together to make good decisions. And I get it. Sometimes you're thinking, well, how do I do this on a first date? Or if I just started seeing someone, how do I suddenly ask these questions? Don't they seem a bit too aggressive?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And chances are, you're probably right. At the same time, you want to ask curious questions that actually give the person the opportunity
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
to say where they're at so if you say to someone hey what's been you know what's been exciting for you lately and they talk about their job you're getting a sense that that's their top priority now if you say to someone what's your top priority in life sure that's a heavy question to just ask off the bat right you may ask that and by the way that's a great question to ask someone that you've been seeing for a few months and getting to know quite deeply
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And you may say, what is your top priority in life? Now, my answer would be, you should actually already know that. And a lot of us don't actually know what our partner's top priority in life is, or we believe what they say in answer to that question and not what they do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
We believe what people say and not how they behave, when their actions tell us so much more about their priorities than their words. What someone does with their time, money, and energy shows you what they care about, not what they say they care about. What someone does and how someone treats you says so much more than how they say they think about treating you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And so I want you to ask yourself, when are you ready to ask that question? Hey, what's exciting you the most now? When you say that, It could be their career, it could be their family, it could be a personal endeavor, it could be anything, but you're actually learning so much more. And here's the basic thing that we do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
When we hear someone say, oh, I'm really, really excited about the holidays right now, we go, oh yeah, I love the holidays, right? We make it about the holidays, whereas we're not recognizing that they're showing you what they prioritize.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
If someone says, oh yeah, I'm absolutely loving this project at work right now, you then reflect on what you're doing at work right now, rather than recognizing they're showing you it's a priority. And so I think questions start at, hey, what's most exciting for you right now? And evolve into, hey, what's your priority in life right now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And then by the way, if you've been with someone for quite some time, It's what's your priority this year? That same curious question never stop. It simply evolves, right? It simply evolves. Now, the study found that a top turn-on with a new partner, conversation 38%, and that included deep conversations, self-disclosure, compliments, and debates, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
That's what was considered good conversation. And 52% of singles feel a potential partner is serious about dating them when they're willing to talk about their feelings. Now... I find that a lot of us struggle to talk to certain people. If we're comfortable talking about our feelings, there's a lot of people who aren't comfortable about talking about their feelings.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And that can often feel like they don't care about the relationship. And I just want to say something in defense of all of those people, because I think a lot of people are in that bucket where they just don't feel comfortable. They've never been made to feel comfortable. And that doesn't mean they don't care. It means that you may need to be more patient with them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
And this is something I've realized over time. When we talk about the right and wrong people, a lot of the time, the wrong person is just someone that we're impatient with. I want to dissect this for a second. When you're attracted to someone, you'll be much more patient than when you're not attracted to them. But the challenge is your patience isn't real. It's just the halo effect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
When you trust someone, it means if you share your emotions with them, you believe they'll take them seriously. When you share your heart with them, you believe they'll hold it gently. When you share your dreams with them, you believe that they'll be excited for you. Trust is when you feel such a safe space that you can truly be yourself without holding back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
Because you're attracted to them, you assume they have better qualities and you really want it to work. And we've got to be really careful about this bias because it actually can mislead us away from the person who's good for us and towards the person who's not good for us. And so when you're talking about the right and wrong person again,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The Episode for People Who Are Exhausted By Dating (How to Change Your Strategy and Mindset for the New Year)
recognize that patience is something you'll need with anyone. Just make sure it's for the right person. And often we apply patience to the wrong person because there's other qualities we have that we're enamored by. I'll give an example. Someone was telling me recently that they can't see how their partner doesn't recognize that their friends don't give them good advice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. So, the first attachment style is secure attachment. You're comfortable with closeness and independence. You communicate well, trust easily, and bounce back from conflict. Love feels safe, not scary.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
You might be secure if you don't play games, don't fear being abandoned, and you're okay being alone or in love. Now this, of course, is rare, challenging, but we all want to be there. Second is anxious attachment, something a lot of us experience. You crave closeness, but often fear it's going to be taken away. So you want to be close.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
You actually want to be connected, but there's always this insecurity, this hidden fear, this feeling that's niggling away at you, making you feel like it's going to be taken away. At any moment, it could all be taken away. You might overthink texts, read between the lines, or need lots of reassurance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
How many times have you met someone who keeps checking in with you to say, hey, does everything feel good? Hey, does this make sense? Hey, is this okay? Hey, are we on the right path? And you might be wondering, what is going on here? I just told them I love them. I just told them that I was okay. Or maybe you've seen it in yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
Maybe you were that person who keeps wanting to be reassured that you're doing the right thing, you're doing a good job, that they're happy. And you keep checking, are you happy? Is everything okay? And they're like, wait a minute, I just literally took a breath. Like what changed, right? And this is something we can all relate to. We overthink texts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
We make things mean what they don't mean, right? Don't give meaning to something that doesn't have a meaning. Don't make up a story about something that is just information. We're really good at taking information and turning it into a story. Don't take a fact and turn it into a feeling. The fact is they haven't messaged back for 30 minutes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
Now, your feeling is saying they didn't message me back because they didn't like my message. I must have said something wrong. I must have come on too strong. I might be pushing them away. Oh my gosh, I did this before. You're now attaching a feeling to a fact. The fact is just they haven't messaged back for 30 minutes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
There's no reason, there's no information, there's no data, there's no insight, but you're now creating a story around that event. Don't make every event into a story. Don't make every text into a story. Don't make every fact become a feeling without knowing what it is. You might have an anxious attachment if you feel like you're always too much or always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
You're not being held back from finding real love because of who you're going out with. You're being held back by people you already went out with. And how crazy is it to think that your ex is still in control of your life? Your ex is still impacting your life. I know none of us want to be in that situation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
Those are two good signs that you know you have an anxious attachment style. And by the way, none of these make you weak. None of these make you wrong. None of these make you bad. We all have one of these. But we can all try to work towards having more secure attachment. That's the goal. That's what we want to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
We want to work towards having more secure attachment and move away from anxious attachment. Now, the third one is the avoidant attachment. You value independence a lot, sometimes too much. You might push people away, get overwhelmed by emotional needs, or shut down when things get real.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
Now, you might be avoidant if you've said things like, I'm just not good at relationships, or I don't want to rely on anyone. I actually got like this. When I left the monastery, there was a big part of me that felt, I don't need a relationship to be happy. I'm happy by myself. And I'd say things like that. And I realized it was really just me having developed an avoidant attachment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
And that wasn't healthy either, because you can lose out on something that's beautiful for you. You can push someone away who wants to be close. And what's really interesting here is what ends up happening is that anxious attachment people end up meeting avoidant attachment people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
Now, if you've got an anxious attachment with an avoidant attachment, that can be a recipe for disaster because the anxious person's constantly checking in saying, hey, is everything okay? Are you happy? Are we going in the right direction? And the avoidant person's like, you're getting too close. You're too much. You're being too clingy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
You can notice and you can probably relate to how that's happened in your life, which is why there's an even greater need for us all to move into secure. Now, if a secure person is with someone with an anxious attachment, they can remind them. They can be reassuring. They can help them feel safe if the anxious person is aware and wants to upgrade and move forward.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
If a secure attachment is with an avoidant, they can potentially get that person to be more open, to be more communicative if the avoidant person is aware of their attachment style. We have to pay attention to our patterns, not just our past partner's patterns. Your attachment style isn't about them. It's about your emotional reflexes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. My name's Jay Shetty and I'm so grateful to welcome you back. This is the place you come to listen, learn and grow. Thank you for your commitment. Thank you for your time. Thank you for your energy. I appreciate it so, so deeply. Now today's episode is all about how past relationships shape your dating future.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
Yes, you can change your attachment style. It's called earned security. And it happens when you rewire old patterns through small consistent shifts in how you relate to yourself and others. The best thing you can do is move towards secure attachment. Because you can't control whether someone is anxious or avoidant, but you can be secure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
And when you're secure, you will be able to see, you'll actually be able to be better able to tell whether someone else is secure because you know what that looks like. You know what it sounds like. You know what it feels like. So when you meet someone who's loving all up on you and wanting your attention in the beginning, you realize this person might have an anxious attachment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
You now know what that means. At the same time, if you meet someone who isn't available for you, you know that that's avoidant because you're secure and you realize, okay, I'm not going to chase this person. I want someone who tells me where we stand. I want someone who is who they say they are, right? So let's talk about the path to earned security.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
Number one, notice the pattern, name the feeling. Why does it matter? You can't change what you don't see. So what do you do? Start observing your reflexes in love without judgment. I don't want you to get critical or harsh with yourself. I just want you to be aware of where you stand. For example, when someone doesn't text back, do I change fact into feeling?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
When things get emotionally close, what do you usually do? Naming your pattern puts space between you and the automatic reaction. That's where change begins. You start becoming, you don't say I'm avoidant, you say I have an avoidant pattern. You don't say I am anxious, you say I have an anxious pattern. Step number two is regulate before you react.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
Anxious and avoidant behaviors are often nervous system responses, not conscious choices. The next time you're triggered, I want you to remind yourself, this is because I have been triggered by a past emotion. This is not about the current moment. It's about the past. Let me be really conscious about that before I react. Number three is start feeling safe with safe people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
You don't heal in isolation. You heal in better relationships. This applies to your friends, your parents, your colleagues, your family members. Trying to heal through having healthier relationships. Your romantic life will heal when your relationships heal. So what do you do? Seek out emotionally available, consistent people. It might feel boring at first because it's safe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
But text or hang out with someone who always shows up. Spend less energy chasing and more energy receiving. Let calm connection become your new normal. This is step four. Practice secure behaviors even if you don't feel them yet. Right, you might be thinking, Jay, I don't feel secure. Why am I practicing it? Well, because if you practice it, you'll actually get used to it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
We're trying to get you to rewire your brain. Behavior rewires belief. Say that again. Behavior rewires belief. Start acting like a securely attached person would. For example, communicate directly. Hey, I felt a little off after our convo. Can we talk? Set boundaries without apology. Give people a chance to show you they're safe before deciding they're not.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
You don't have to feel 100% secure to act 1% more secure, right? Let me say that again. You don't have to feel 100% secure to act 1% more secure. And the fifth and final step is reparent yourself. A lot of insecure attachment comes from unmet needs in childhood. Meet those needs for yourself. When you feel unloved or anxious, say, it's okay, I've got me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
If you wanted validation from someone else, give it to yourself. If you wanted care from someone else, give it to yourself. If you wanted gifts from someone else, give it to yourself. If you wanted a big birthday from someone else, give it to yourself. That becomes your anchor. That's how you build internal safety. I want you to remember this. You're not broken. You're just patterned.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
How many of you have ever found yourself saying, why do I keep attracting the same kind of people? Why do I keep attracting the same kind of person? Or why Why am I so guarded when things start to go well? Or why am I always the one who's chasing someone? If you've ever asked any of those questions, this episode is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
And patterns can change. One pause, one choice, one safe connection at a time. Thank you so much for listening to today. I hope you'll share this episode with someone else who's struggling, maybe someone who's single right now, someone who recently broken up. This episode could save you months of your life, maybe even years. Thanks for listening.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
Remember, I'm forever in your corner and always rooting for you. If you enjoyed this podcast, you're going to love my conversation with Michelle Obama where she opens up on how to stay with your partner when they're changing and the four check-ins you should be doing in your relationship. We also talk about how to deal with relationships when they're under stress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
If you're going through something right now with your partner or someone you're seeing, this is the episode for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
We're diving deep into the psychology of how your past relationships, loves and losses, are still influencing who you choose, how you love, and what you fear. And most importantly, we're talking about how to break the cycle. I think so many of us feel like we're always repeating patterns. We keep making the same mistakes. We keep bumping into the same types of people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
And we don't realize what's going on. And sometimes we may pause and think, well, maybe something's wrong with me. But that doesn't solve the problem either. right? We keep repeating patterns. We keep finding the same people. We keep being attracted to the same types of people. We keep having our heart broken in the exact same way. What is going on? Let's get into it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
The first thing I want to do is talk to you about the truth about your relationship history. Here's a really interesting thing to think about. According to the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, people tend to recreate familiar emotional patterns in new relationships, even if those patterns were painful. Why? Because familiar equals safe, even if it's unhealthy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
Think about that moment. Familiar equals safe, even if it's unhealthy. If the mind feels something feels familiar, something feels like home, something feels consistent, we see it as safe, even though it's not healthy. And the fascinating thing about this is sometimes it's repeating the patterns of our parents. If your home was always a place of anxiety, you now feel at home in places of anxiety.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
If at home you had to constantly try to get your parents' attention, you now feel it's familiar in dating when you're trying to get someone's attention. If you were always overloved at home, you now feel familiar when you're overloved, even if that person's love bombing you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
It's really fascinating how our first loves, our parents are the first people to truly love us, the first person we ever dated, the first person we had a crush on, all of this becomes our relationship history. And whatever that relationship history looks like becomes what we yearn for. I describe this in my book, Eight Rules of Love, as the gifts and gaps.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
We try to repeat the gifts that our parents gave us and we try to fill the gaps that our parents left by the people we choose. Everything is wired from the past. And therefore, if you really want to move forward, if you really want to make progress, we have to start by looking back. Now, this idea is called repetition compulsion, a term coined by Freud.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
It means we unconsciously repeat relationship dynamics from our past, hoping to fix them this time round. This is the part that I find so interesting. Not only do we pick things that feel familiar... we feel this time's the exception. This time we're going to solve it. This time we're going to figure it out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
I'm going to date someone who's emotionally unavailable, but this time I'm going to be able to change them. I'm going to date someone who's emotionally immature, but this time they're going to become more immature. I'm going to date someone who disrespects me, but they're going to learn to respect me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
This is how we unconsciously repeat relationship dynamics from our past, hoping to fix them this time round. So if your ex was emotionally unavailable and you now find yourself drawn to someone who gives mixed signals, that's not a coincidence. That's your brain saying, this feels like home. This feels like home. So I want to clarify something here. It's not because we enjoy the pain.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
It's because our brain feels safe and is still trying to solve it. Maybe if I live it again, this time I can get it right. And here are some more real life examples. You had an emotionally unavailable parent and now you keep falling for partners who are hot and cold, distant or avoidant. You were constantly criticized growing up and now you seek validation from people who hold back their approval.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
Your first love cheated or betrayed you and now you feel hypervigilant or drawn to people who trigger that insecurity. It's not just bad luck. It's your nervous system saying, this feels familiar. I know how to survive this. This literally is blowing my mind as I'm saying it. Think about that for a second. We often say, oh, it's just bad luck. I just have bad luck in dating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
It just keeps going wrong for me. And what ends up happening is not only are we stuck in a cycle, we now start saying harsh, critical things to ourself. But the reality is it's not just bad luck. It's your nervous system saying, this feels familiar. I know how to survive this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
We keep moving in the direction of things we think we can survive rather than the discomfort of something we're not used to, even if it's better for us. It's almost like saying when you're trying to change what you're eating or you're trying to go to the gym. We all know going to the gym is better for us, but it's uncomfortable to choose it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
We'd rather stay in bed because it feels safe even though it's not healthy. Your brain does this because it's wired to seek what's familiar. Unresolved trauma doesn't just sit quietly in your memory. It repeats itself in your choices, relationships, and emotional reactions. Repetition compulsion is your subconscious trying to rewrite the story.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
To finally win the love, approval, or safety you didn't get the first time. But here's the twist. You can't heal by reliving the wound. You heal by choosing differently. The moment you recognize your patterns, you interrupt the cycle. It might look like, wow, I'm actually not in love. I'm just trying to earn the love I never got. You might hear it as, this isn't chemistry.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
This is a wound dressed up as attraction. This person reminds me of someone who hurt me not someone who can love me. That awareness is where the healing begins, right? That's where it really begins. I hope this is hitting you as hard as it's hitting for me right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
And get this, a University of Denver study found that emotional baggage from previous relationships is one of the top predictors of dissatisfaction in new ones. So yeah, your past is in the room, even when your ex isn't. So what do we do about this? So the five signs your past relationship might still be in the driving seat. Number one, you're hyper independent or emotionally walled off.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
Now, independence is great. It's when we're emotionally walled off that our independence is no longer independence. It's actually isolation, right? It's not that you feel comfortable on your own. It's that you only feel good on your own, right? There's a difference between liking your company and enjoying your company and only wanting to be alone because you're scared of connection, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
The second sign that your past relationship might still be holding the wheel is you panic when someone gets too close or too distant. Have you noticed how when someone gets close, we start to go, oh yeah, I'm not sure this is working out. I'm not really sure about this. Or maybe they weren't right. You now start to see all the red flags.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
All of a sudden, you're convinced that this person's not great for you. We also get panicky when someone gets too distant. If someone says, hey, I'm going away for the week, all of a sudden we're wondering why they haven't messaged us immediately, right? If someone says, hey, I'm going away for three days, we're like, oh, do you have to go, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
And that's just triggering something from the past. You may not even like this person that much. You may not even have that depth of connection with them. And they may be thinking, wait a minute, why are you going to miss me so much? We've only been dating for a month.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
And all of a sudden you start to recognize, and I'm sure you can see how it all comes from previous abandonment, previous isolation, previous disconnection. Number three, we've talked about this, you're drawn to the same kind of emotionally unavailable partners. Number four, you sabotage healthy connections because they feel too easy. This is what self-sabotage really is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
This is too good to be true. And number five, you confuse intensity with intimacy. So many of us think if things are intense, up and down, drama, you know, all of the chaos, that that's intimacy, that that means that we're in love, that that means that we have connection. But the truth is just that's just the connection you saw being mirrored for such a long time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
This is why it's so important for us to understand the attachment styles. First of all, I want to introduce you to the idea or reintroduce you to the idea of attachment styles, something you may or may not have come across. An attachment style is basically your relationship blueprint. It's how you connect, how you handle closeness, and how you react to emotional stress in love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
I always say to people, you will know the strength of a relationship if Not by how you deal with the good times, but how you deal with the stressful times. How your partner or potential partner deals with a fight, disagreement, or argument is more telling than how they deal with a date or an anniversary.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
How they deal with things going wrong is more important than how they deal with everything going right. It's one of the reasons why we all go through the honeymoon phase. And so how you react to emotional stress in love is so important. And it's usually shaped by childhood based on how safe or secure your early relationships were. So there are three main types of attachment style.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
But this is so important because it basically shows how you latch on to people, how you connect with people, how you feel when they're not giving you attention, not giving you presence, when you're not feeling any affection. And you can clearly spot that. how you make those mistakes and how you don't want to make them again. That's my goal with this episode.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
My genuine goal with this episode is I don't want you to keep making the same mistakes. I don't want you to keep dating the same person just with a different name and a different face and a different hairstyle. I want you to outgrow your trauma. I want you to outgrow your weaker attachment styles.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
I want you to outgrow the effects of your previous relationships that are holding you back from finding real love. You're not being held back from finding real love because of who you're going out with. You're being held back by people you already went out with. And how crazy is it to think that your ex is still in control of your life? Your ex is still impacting your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
I know none of us want to be in that situation. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Is Your Ex Keeping You From Finding Real Love? 5 Hidden Signs You Are Missing
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
You get to peace by finding your purpose. And that's what he did. And so I want to talk about in your book, because you really give people these five practices.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And I want to give people a game plan, a roadmap today in our interview so that when they read the book.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
they can kind of connect the dots between things you've said today. And I want everyone to go out and grab a copy of the book because I really feel it simplifies. I feel like so much of this space is like mystical, complex. And it can take a long time, but what you've done is you've really demystified and go higher your book the pathway to get there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And I love that you start at accept because I think even though it's a hard step, it's such an important step, this idea that your journey only begins when you accept that where you are is your starting point. that your experience have made you exactly who you're meant to be with the skills, the talents, the gifts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
So if someone's sitting and listening and going, Sean, that's so hard for me to accept that I am where I need to be because my life's just been full of you know, the worst, horrible, difficult things, how do I accept and start from there? What would you say to them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, yeah. I agree. I feel like it's the resistance to acceptance that blocks us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
We're going in the opposite direction. It's like, it's telling you it's going in this direction and you're trying to force it to go in the other direction. And that's what's causing tension. And accepting it means, like you said, not that you're giving up and you're like, all right, well, I'll just do what you want. It's going, no, this is how it's flowing. Now, what am I going to do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
What's the difference between attracting energy and chasing energy?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Three things that are so important to the human condition. Today's guest is on for not the first, not the second, but a third time special. One of your favorite guests. One of your favorite interactions. We both hear about it all the time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
What's been the most difficult thing you've ever had to accept?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Give me an example.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Which is so hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
It's so hard, isn't it? And I loved what you said that when you get fixated on what other people think of you, you're just getting distracted from your path. Of course. Because now you're placing energy on, and then you might even shift what you're doing to try and appease them. And then they still won't like it. And that's the craziest part, right? You do what you want and they don't like it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
I'm talking about my dear friend and incredible artist, Big Sean. Grammy-nominated rapper, songwriter, friend of the podcast, and now a first-time author. His new book is called Go Higher, The Five Practices for Purpose, Success, and Inner Peace, which combines his insights on self-care with actionable tools set to release in January 2025.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And then you do what they want and they still don't like it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And then you don't know who you are anymore and no one likes it and you don't like it either. And you end up not liking yourself, trying to get everyone else to like you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And that's where you don't want to be at.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
It's a hard lesson as well for people because...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
we all naturally want to make the people around us happy and and our childhood has so much to do with that you know we were speaking a bit earlier and i was talking about how like i was the peacemaker in my family i was the mediator yeah i was the person as a young one as a 10 year old wow and so i was always trying to keep the peace and listen to people and understand them and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
understand what was going on. And so I always had to read in between the lines and I always had to have a great sense of when something was going to kick off and how to, and I wasn't trying to make peace in the sense of like, everyone's just got to get along. I was always trying to get to the root of it and go, what healings needed here? And I don't know. I just always did that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
families and you're really changing it with like the the person you are in the heart that you have have you know so wow i'm just i just got to pay my respect to you no you're too kind man i got lucky i met good men i feel like important people we've talked about in previous interviews when you've come on about your mother's role in your life oh yeah and how pivotal she was and for me my monk teachers you met rather than at swami
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
yeah when when he came to mass you came over a couple of years back amazing and you met him and meeting him was so pivotal to my whole spiritual journey i was going to ask you i've been talking about kids picking their parents noah picked you yeah he did talk to us about how fatherhood has transformed your views on the learning experience of what you've learned from fatherhood that you couldn't have learned from anything else
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Now, despite his achievements, he has been open about his struggles with anxiety and depression, turning to spiritual practices to find balance. Through his music and now his writing, Big Sean inspires others to overcome their own challenges and reach their fullest potential.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Man, I'm so glad I asked you that question because I knew you'd have such a deep answer for it. Like your answer, the first part of it, the idea that your child has all of that within, like you were just saying, you wish you could talk to your grandparents.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Which I wish I could interview your grandparents. I mean, that sounds like a phenomenal... journey and story to hear about it. And I want to know how much more you know about what they did or how much you don't. But I love the idea that we actually have it encapsulated within us. Like it's coded in us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And even if we're unaware of it, and I was talking to a researcher the other day, I was doing some research for my next book. And she was talking to me, we were finding this research that was talking about how when kids are told their ancestral stories, they have a much deeper sense of belonging.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And so the reason why so many of us feel so lost today is we've never been told deep stories about where our parents come from, where our grandparents come from, what they went through. Not in a way to make us feel like... a victim or a feel at a disadvantage, but to hear a story from the perspective of this is your heritage.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And then you feel like you belong to something so much more bigger and beyond you. Whereas most of us are just like, oh yeah, I'm from West Hollywood or whatever, right? It's like, it's such a light, you know, it's like a temporary residence.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Please welcome my dear friend, someone that I believe is so inspiring, deeply insightful, philosophical, a guide, a teacher, a leader, Big Sean.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
But like, when you know you belong to something eternal, like I was talking to the researcher, I was saying that in my life, the things that have helped me the most when I'm going through a tough time, a difficult time, a real low, is recognizing that I'm part of a 5,000 year old tradition.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
So when I'm repeating the Gita, which is a 5,000 year old scripture, which is the text I learned as a monk, when I realize I'm connected to that lineage, I feel unstoppable because I'm like that survived for 5,000 years. I'm going to be all right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Whereas when you just think like, oh man, I've, you know, I've just been on the planet for like 30 years and I'm trying to figure it out. It can feel quite uncomfortable. And so I love what you're saying that actually inside your son Noah, there is the coding.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Of his grandparents.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, for sure, man. I mean, that's what's so interesting, right? Like within you, you have the coding of the greatness and the heritage and you have the coding of... The unhealed generational trauma that keeps being passed down.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
What was something you had to look at in your background and past, generationally, traumatically, that wasn't healed, that you were like, I'm not going to pass this to Noah? Like, this has to stop this time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, yeah. How do you kind of imprint that in a young person?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, yeah. And that confidence kind of talks nicely to the second practice in your book. You talk about strategizing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And I love that you went there because I think a lot of people see spirituality and strategy as opposite opposites or they separate them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And I know we've always vibed on the fact that to me, they go hand in hand.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Because strategy is just intentionality in action.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Like that's, that's what it is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
It's like you have intention and then you get activated around an intention and that's how you strategize. But I think often people think, Strategy has to be conniving or like some sort of manipulation, but that's not what you mean. So when you say we need to get strategic, how do we build the skill of becoming strategic and what does it mean?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, I'm glad that you pointed out that strategizing starts with studying because then it becomes you study something and then you apply it. And that's what strategy is. You study it first and then you apply it. And I was thinking about it, as you were saying, like strategizing your day, I was thinking about If you think about New York, it's a grid system. That's a strategy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
It's a strategy. Like that's what it is. If you look at, if you travel to Europe, you'll see there was a strategy in how towns were built where like the church would be in the middle of the town.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
There'd be a river flowing through the middle. There'd be a bridge over the river. There was a strategy in how it was built in order to create an experience of the city. And I feel... you know, that's what it is. It's thinking about your life and thinking, what are the pillars and priorities in my life? Yeah. Like, what are the things that are, like, almost like building a city. Exactly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
It goes, okay, well, a city needs a fire station because sometimes there's going to be a fire. Right. It needs a school because I need to learn. It needs a hospital because sometimes you're going to get ill. Like, what does a city need? And you've got to look at your life in the same way and go, what does my life need?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah. What was the best strategy you ever built to achieve something in your life? What example would you give from your own journey? When were you most strategic effectively?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Oh man, the feeling is mutual. And honestly, it was people like yourself who came on the show so early and trusted the space, opened up. and made it a safe space for so many that followed you as well. And so I have to give you a lot of credit back because you came on the show when it was so much smaller.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Oh, I'm so glad you said that because that's all it does. All it does, when you're learning, all it does is save time. It stops you from making mistakes. It helps you avoid the ones that someone else made before you. You'll probably make some new mistakes for sure. Yeah, of course. But you'll avoid so many. And I loved what you said, the way you broke it down.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Like ultimately strategizing is building relationships
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
steps to that goal and you're trying to break it down to the step that i can do today and now yes that is small and easy all the way up and i love the way you work backwards where it's like all right i want to be on the radio yeah all right let me break that down wait a minute that means i need to go this that means i need to do this that means first i need to do this okay that means right now i just need to do this yeah and i think sometimes we live
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
on level 21 of where we want to go, but then we haven't got the elevator down to level zero to go up, right? Like we're just, our mind is in level 21.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
We were starting out, but it was people like yourself who trusted me, trusted the space, and were able to create it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
For sure. You've gave us an idea of when you were strategic. What was the time when you were chaotic?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Totally, totally, totally. And I agree. It's just good to know because... Yeah, it's the same for me. And I love how you said that strategy is also sometimes with people. You know, like we say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Or you say the right thing, but at the wrong time. Or you say the right thing, but in the wrong way. Or you say the right thing, but in the wrong place.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Or you say the right thing to the wrong person, right? It's like it has to be strategic.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Because otherwise it's not digested. We just think as long as I'm saying the right thing, everything will be okay. But if you say the right thing in the wrong place to the wrong person at the wrong time, in the wrong way, with the wrong word, the wrong language, it doesn't matter how true the thing you said was. And that's what strategy is, is going, wait, how do I make sure this lands?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
That's Radhi's genius. She's super smart when it comes to figuring out how to help people. But no, I'm so proud of you for putting this book together because When I met you, I noticed very quickly that you were already a philosopher and that was rare.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Like what is required for this to actually have an impact on someone and to serve them and help them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Most people live life and then gain wisdom and you through your mother, through your own learnings, through your own curiosity had so much insight and wisdom when we met. And I remember mentioning like, oh, one day and the fact that we're sitting here with the book in our hands.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Why did boundaries become so prominent in the last year, as you said?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, and I think we're scared of setting boundaries because we are scared of what we lose when we do. I know. And it could be FOMO, it could be, you know, the fear of becoming irrelevant, the fear of becoming insignificant.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
The fear of losing a person. But I learned that too. I remember a time in my life where I had so much compassion fatigue, where I just felt like I was there for everyone else, but I had no... And when I say income, I don't mean financially.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
It's pretty special. And you reminding people to go higher is so powerful. But let's dive in because, oh, sorry, you were going to say something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Exactly. And you're just, and it's what you just said. You're trying to be a superhero and you're trying to be the guy, not in an egotistic way. You actually just care about people. For real. But I realized very, very quickly at that time that unless I was full rested, complete, I wasn't actually able to help anyone. I was just giving people my leftovers and not the best of myself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Totally. And I just found that what really helped me was remembering that I... didn't have enough to give anyone else if I wasn't in a good place myself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And that didn't mean I wanted to get to a good place just for myself. The reason I wanted to get to a good place is so I could give more good to others. And therefore there had to be a structure. There had to be an order of, all right, well, I need to take care of myself. I need to be full. I need to be ready. And then I can extend myself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
But if I keep extending myself to everyone else, chances are I get bitter at them. I'll get mad at myself. And then I won't have anything to give.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Right. Yeah. And it just, it's an interesting one, boundaries, because I feel like, I think we also think we set boundaries for other people, but we do it for ourselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Because people always be like, oh, this person keeps breaking my boundaries.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, absolutely. The other thing that... really helped me as a boundary. And this doesn't apply if something's life-threatening or urgent. But sometimes someone would call me up and be like, oh, I had a fight with my wife. I had a fight with my husband. And my natural inclination was to like fix it. So like, yeah, let's jump on the phone. I'm going to help you through it right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And then I realized that actually my new response started to be, yeah, let's talk in three days. And the reason was, A, because maybe I had stuff on and I couldn't run to it. Like I said, it doesn't apply to life threatening. If someone calls me and goes, I got to the hospital, obviously I'm going to be there. But if someone's saying, hey, this happened, that happened.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
I realized I may not be in a position to quit everything in my life to go and be on this call. And those three days, that person actually had to do some processing for themselves. And when I was just jumping on the phone with them trying to save and solve their problem, I was actually just enabling them to not have to process it themselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
So most people in three days would say to me, they'd text me and go, Jay, actually, I think I figured it out. And I'd be like, great, I'd love to hear it. Let's jump on a call. And now they talk to me and be like, look, I thought about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
You know, they said this, I said that, but I've, you know, and it just showed me that so much of the time we think we're saving people, we're actually just enabling them. And every time we think we're going to solve their problem, we're actually just creating more issues for them because Everyone needs to learn to process mentally and emotionally themselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And so sometimes like jumping in to help someone, you actually end up hurting them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, because they need to do it themselves. And so sometimes I just set that boundary with myself. It wasn't like I don't want to be there for my friend or a family member. I just realized being there for them meant not being there right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And they didn't know that. But then when I saw them benefit from it, I realized that actually space sometimes gave them what they needed more than my words could.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. What are the daily habits? You talk about journaling and meditation in the book, and I want to talk about both of them because I think they talked about a lot today, but I want to hear about your deep specific habits and how it's become such a ritual for you. So let's start with journaling. Like, obviously you're a writer anyway.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, I was going to say, like, what's different about writing music, writing the book versus journaling? Like,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
I've never heard that before. I'm going to start doing that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, I've never signed it. That's dope.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, yeah. What does your meditation look like? I love, because I've learned so much just in how you journal. I've never heard, so be it, it is done or the signature at the end. I'm going to start practicing those three. I like those a lot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
That is beautiful, man. I get that. Like what you just said about we sign contracts, sign checks. Like there's very few things we still sign.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And then, so what about your meditation? What does your practice look like for meditation?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah. Have you ever meditated with another rapper that was interesting or anything like that? Meditated with another rapper? Anyone that had an interesting practice that I wouldn't know about? Does Eminem meditate?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
It will, it will help people for sure. I want to, I want to start by asking you, you know, you've manifested
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
success and when i spend time with you today and i see you with janae and i see you talking about noah i also feel you've manifested happiness and i think those two things are very different and so i wanted to ask you what's been different about manifesting success career profession and then manifesting happiness
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I mean, in the book you talk about how, I think it was like in 2016, you said you nearly got addicted to Adderall when you were touring with Rihanna. And I was thinking like, how do you stop yourself? Like in that moment, like what was the habit or the tool or the practice? Was it therapy? Was it meditation? What was it that helped you recover from that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
I agree.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
How do you feel your grandmother would feel reading these pages?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
When was that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, so you rap, and then he didn't get in touch with you for two years after.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
One thing you spoke about that, you know, I'm really sorry you had to go through it because I had so many friends who've actually gone through it recently, which is why I'm asking, but you suffered a miscarriage. Mm-hmm. And like that, I was talking to so many of my friends who are trying to have kids right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
But it's like, that doesn't make it any better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, so many of my friends have had it this year, literally in the last 12 months.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Sorry to hear that. Yeah, and it's hard because- Sorry to hear that. They're going through a loss. Their partner's going through the grief. And like you said, it's super common, but that doesn't make it any easier or any better when it happens to you. What was something that really helped you through that experience that you think could help others? What was it that helped both of you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Because it's a two-way thing. It's not just about you. A lot of our problems, we're just processing ourselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, for sure. No, I appreciate that, man. I think it's going to help. A lot of them. We've got two last questions for you, Sean, before we wrap. How do you personally find the light in really dark times? Like when you feel distracted from that spiritual light, what do you do to reconnect?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Absolutely. Great answer. Last question I want to ask you. One of my favorite things you ask people to do in the book, which I want everyone to do when they get the book, is list five miracles.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
that they've experienced in their life. I love this idea because when I read this, I was just like, oh my gosh, if you actually stop to think about the miracles that have happened in your life and to really take them in and to really embrace them and let them pervade your entire being, you start believing in more miracles.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
You start living in the miracle because often it's so easy to live in the negativity and to live in the toxicity and to live in everything that's the opposite of a miracle. What gave you this idea? Where did it come from? And how do you live in the miracle every day?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
I love that, man. That was one of my favorite activities and practices. And I hope everyone has been listening and watching today. If you do one thing, it's do that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Spend time just mapping out your five miracles. The book is called Go Higher, Five Practices for Purpose, Success, and Inner Peace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
I love that, man. Thank you for writing this book. The book is called Go Higher, everyone. Go grab your copy, share it with your friends, your family, people in your life who are looking for really insightful, simple wisdom that can create shifts in your life, practical advice, practical stories as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Sean, I'm really glad you've done this with your platform because I think that, you know, it's very rare these days for people to see what masculinity means. And I feel like with you, the strength, and the vulnerability, which in one sense are the one and the same, but I also think they are different in that I think there is a need to be strong, set boundaries, to stand up for yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
These are all strengths as well. And then at the same time, the softness, the courage, the bravery, the vulnerability, that is too. And so I love how you put those both together. It was an honor to write the foreword for this book. Thank you. A real honor. Like for you to ask me to do that was, I was very touched. You could have asked anyone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And I genuinely, genuinely hope that people are going to pick this book up. And I think people are going to hand it to their friends, their family, people in their life. If you want this year, 2025, to be a great year, you've got to go higher.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And so I'm excited for you. I'm excited for this next chapter in your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And I'm excited for how this book, for many, many years to come, will have an impact on people. Not just now, not just this year, but for many years to come, people will look back and say, I loved all the music he wrote, but I also loved that book he wrote.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
that is part three over part four coming soon yeah part four coming soon thank you I love it you're the best man thank you brother thanks for being such a dear friend if this is the year that you're trying to get creative you're trying to build more I need you to listen to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break into your most creative self how to use unconventional methods that lead to success and the secret to genuinely loving what you do if you're trying to find your passion and your lane Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah. One thing that stood out to me listening to you was the power of separation. I've never heard it like that before.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And I really like that term because we have to learn to separate society's views and our views. We have to learn to separate, as you said, our definition of success and other people's definition of success.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
So how do we develop the power of separation? What does it take to cultivate that within ourselves, to have that ability? Because I feel most of us don't practice the power of separation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, you reminded me of, I love Denzel too. Yeah, I know.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, of what you're perceiving. I remember my football coach growing up gave me this piece of advice and it stayed with me ever since then. He would say to us, if you lose, cry for a night. And he goes, if you win, celebrate for a night, but then get back to training. So if you lose, cry for a night, but then get back to training. And if you win, celebrate for a night and get back to training.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
It was always about getting back to training the next day. He was like, you can't just sit there and cry for a week or cry for a month. And you can't, in the same way, celebrate for a month. You can't just live off your past success. get back to training. And I love that mindset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, talking about Kobe, I think what resonated with me most about him is that he was at peace in retirement and athletes who are retired don't always find peace because naturally it was so important to be on the field.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Big Sean: 5 Ways to Get Unstuck From Where You Are Now (Simple Strategies to Eliminate Endless Hours of Work)
And so no judgment towards anyone, but it's so hard to not be on the court anymore and not miss it and want to be there. And he had found a new purpose. And that's the most interesting thing is that you don't get to peace by... pursuing it and you don't get to peace by trying to pursue more prizes and more wins.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
There's even science to back this up. Neuroscience shows that our brains literally rewire around emotional pain. Holding onto resentment, disappointment, or hope for change can activate the same brain regions as physical pain. There's another Zen story that I love. Two monks are walking on a beach. They come across a woman who's actually drowning in the ocean.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
One monk jumps into the ocean, swims out, picks her up and brings her back to shore. They make sure she's okay and walk on forward. A few hours later, the other monk asks the monk who jumped into the ocean, my brother, we're monks. We're not supposed to touch women, let alone carry them. How could you do that? The other monk replied, I carried her to safety. I sat her down a few hours ago.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Why are you still carrying her? This story beautifully illustrates the idea that the longer you carry something, the more it weighs you down, the more it affects you. And so many of us look at letting go like failure. We look at letting go like we made some mistake. We look at letting go like we're ruining something. But actually letting go can be the best path forward.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
So here's a really practical step I want to take. Write down one grudge, one disappointment or fantasy you're clinging to. And then ask yourself this, what would happen if I set it down today? Imagine walking lighter for just one hour and act from that place. Do the thought experiment. You don't even have to do it in reality. Just think about it for a moment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
If you let it down, if you started applying for new jobs today rather than complaining about your current one, if you started to find new connections and friends instead of comparing your life to your old ones, if you started to allow yourself to let go of the expectations you have of others, who would you be? I promise you the answer is far better than you even imagined.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
And if you're scared to do it in practice, practice it first in your mind. The third lesson I wish I'd learned sooner was talk about your relationship with the person you're in a relationship with more than you talk to others. I speak to so many people. Now, I know you've done this before and so have I. We all talk about our relationships with other people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
I'm not just talking about romantic relationships, even our friendships. You have a friend over here, you complain about them to this friend over here. You have your partner over here, you compare them to someone else's partner over there. You have an issue with someone over here, you talk about the issue with someone else who's not connected to the issue. Now, I'm not saying don't have friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
I'm not saying don't talk to your family. It's great to get advice from a therapist or a coach or even people in your life. It's about the proportion. 80% of our life should be talking to that person and 20% is talking to others to get wise counsel, to get advice, to get insights. It's a really healthy thing. The problem is our proportions are the opposite.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
We may spend 20% speaking to the person we have a relationship with, and that 20% might be filled with arguments, conflict, tension. And then we go and talk about it with someone else who doesn't have the power to solve it. this will change your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
If you started to spend more time talking with the person rather than talking at them, if you could spend more time talking with your partner than talking about your partner, your relationship will change. If you could spend more time talking to your partner than talking about your partner, your relationship will change.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
If you could spend more time investing in connecting with your partner than connecting with other people talking about your partner, your relationship will change. Talk about your relationship with the person you're in a relationship with, not other people. Talk about your problems with the person you have the problem with, not just other people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Talk about your needs with your partner, not your friends. Talk about your doubts about your relationship with your partner, not in group chats. Talk about your pain with the person you have the pain with, not with outsiders who can't fix it. Nobody else knows your relationship like the two of you do. Nobody else lives it and fights for it like you do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Advice is easy, judgments are cheap, but real change only happens between the two people who are actually in it. When you vent to others instead of speaking to your partner, you build walls instead of bridges. When you gossip about your relationship, you invite people into problems they don't belong to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
When you keep taking your issues everywhere apart from the person, you multiply the problem instead of solving it. Connection doesn't grow from side conversations. Trust doesn't grow from silence and resentment. Talk to them, not about them. Now look, I get it. Venting can feel good in the short term. Brain imaging shows that expressing anger activates the brain's reward system.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
But chronically venting to friends instead of addressing issues directly creates emotional triangulation, a pattern that often worsens problems instead of solving them. There's a Zen story that I love where a man went to many neighbors to complain about his leaky roof. Each of them gave advice. Meanwhile, the leak worsened. Finally, one wise neighbor said, talk to your roof.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
We're taught so many things early in our life that we never use again. Think about the subjects you learned at school. What percentage of the subjects you studied at school do you practically use today? I'm guessing that percentage is quite low, but the skills I'm about to share with you today, if we had learned them that early, they would have benefited us forever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
In other words, take action where it matters. It's great to get advice. It's important to have a support system. But don't forget, the number one system is solving it with the person. So here's today's practical habit. If something bothers you about your relationship today, resist the urge to text some random person. Instead, set a time to talk to your partner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Share something you appreciate about them. Share where you want the relationship to go. And then share with kindness, concern, and directness how you want things to change. And most importantly, what you're willing to change that will change your relationship. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Lesson four, I wish I'd learned sooner, was you understand who someone is when they're stressed, not just when they're at their best. How many times have you met someone and you meet them at their best day?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
You meet them at their party, you meet them at their event, you meet them when they just got promoted, you meet them when everything's okay, and you literally think, this person's amazing, I love them. Right? Now, that's not a bad thing. We all have good and bad days. And I'm not saying to judge people on their bad days instead of their best days.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
What I'm saying is you don't really know who someone is until you've seen them on a bad day. You don't really know who someone is until you've seen them in a bad mood. You don't really know who someone is until someone's done something bad to them. It's in those moments that you realize who someone truly is, 360 degrees.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
So rather than making just snap judgments on when you meet someone in a great mood at a great time, give yourself time to get to know them. Give yourself time to see them in different scenarios. It's also not just about good and bad. It's about seeing who someone is when they're with their family. It's about seeing who someone is when they're with their friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
It's about who's seeing someone is with strangers. It's about how someone treats the waiter. It's about how someone treats the doorman. It's about how someone treats the person that they meet on the street. When you've seen someone in all these scenarios, you will have a healthier, deeper, more wholesome understanding of who they truly are. Don't meet someone in one environment
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
It's incredible to me that no one's sharing these insights, that often we don't hear them as the best pieces of advice. This isn't what we're being told. It's something that you have to read in between the lines to actually extract and implement in your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
and give it this amplified view that you assume that they're that person in every environment. Don't meet someone in one phase or stage of their life and assume they're going to be that in every other stage. See, the mind likes to make it easier. We like to think, oh, I know this person, I understand them. Well, here's the truth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
You understand who someone is when they're stressed, not just when they're at their best. You truly understand who someone is when they're overwhelmed. You truly understand who someone is when things don't go their way. You truly understand who someone is when they hear no. You truly understand who someone is when they lose control, not when they have it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Anyone can be kind when they're comfortable. Anyone can be patient when they're winning. Anyone can be loving when everything is easy, but real character shows up when patience runs thin. Real loyalty shows up when you're not popular. Real respect shows up when there's nothing to gain. Watch who blames, watch who lashes out, watch who punishes, and watch who stays gentle.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Pressure doesn't create cracks, it exposes where they already were. Pay attention to who someone becomes when the easy parts fall away. That's who they are as well. That's who you're dealing with. That's the truth you can't ignore. I think this is a really hard truth and we like to think, no, no, no, no, no, I know them and they're everything, of course they're everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
but pressure shows us a person. Character isn't revealed when life is easy. It's tested and exposed under pressure. Research from the University of Oregon found that people's true traits emerge under stress much more consistently than in calm conditions. Think about it. Anyone can be kind when things are going well for them. One of my favorite examples of all time is from Wayne Dyer.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
He says, when you squeeze an orange, what do you get? You get orange juice. You don't get pineapple juice. You don't get coconut water. You get orange juice. Because when something is squeezed, you get what's within it. You get what's inside. Some cracks reveal beauty. Others reveal weakness. Now, the goal isn't to walk away from someone because they struggle with stress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
The goal isn't to abandon someone who struggles with challenges or feels overwhelmed. My point is, you just don't really know someone yet. So here's today's challenge and habit, an experiment that I want you to practice. Notice how someone reacts to a small inconvenience, a traffic jam, a late order, a mistake. Are they gentle or harsh with themselves or with you? Are they patient or punishing?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
with themselves, and with you. Take note without judgment, but get clarity as to what you're getting involved in. Lesson number five that I wish I'd learned sooner is you don't get what you deserve, you get what you accept. We hear this all the time. I think I deserve more. I deserve more money. I deserve more love. I deserve more respect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
And we walk around sometimes internally feeling we're not getting what we deserve. And guess what? You're right. You're not getting what you deserve. You're getting what you accept. No one's going to notice when you work harder at work if you don't make it clear. No one's going to notice when you're putting effort into a relationship unless you make it clear.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
No one's going to know or remember the sacrifices you've made until you stand up for yourself. Remember, you don't get what you deserve. You get what you accept. You don't get what you deserve. You get what you protect. You don't get what you deserve. You get what you settle for. You don't get what you deserve, you get what you fight for. Deserve is a feeling. Acceptance is a standard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Hey everyone, thank you so much for tuning in today about the seven lessons I wish I had learned sooner. Truly, these are seven lessons I wish I learned in my 20s, even in my teens, and I think they would have changed my life. They would have changed the quality of my relationships, they would have changed my performance at work, they would have changed how quickly I found my purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Boundaries are protection. You can work hard and still be overlooked. You can love deeply and still be mistreated. You can give everything and still be taken for granted. If you don't stand for yourself, no one else will. If you don't protect your peace, no one else will. If you don't guard your value, it will be discounted. Respect is not given freely. It's enforced by your standards.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Love isn't enough. It's shaped by what you allow. Worth isn't rewarded. It's protected every single day. You don't rise by hoping. You rise by refusing to shrink. I know it's a painful realization, but it's true.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Now, if any of you out there are struggling with making an impact, If you're struggling with your mind, if you're struggling with anxiety or stress, this episode is for you. But before we dive in, I want to ask you a simple, simple request. It would mean the world to me if you would subscribe to this channel.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
A 2021 study by the American Psychological Association found that individuals who consistently tolerated small boundary violations were 62% more likely to end up in emotionally exhausting relationships. 62%, think about that, right? When we're accepting people breaking our boundaries, people not respecting our worth, We're just taking in whatever it is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
You're not going to get what you deserve at work, at home, wherever. It doesn't work that way. One of my favorite stories about this is a story about a farmer who accepts that a storm will come. He doesn't pray it away or deny it. He just builds stronger walls. In a similar way, accepting less than you need teaches others you will bend until you break. Here's the habit I want to set for you today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Think of one boundary you've been hesitant to enforce. It could be late replies, cancelled plans, jokes at your expense. Today, calmly but clearly, state your boundary once. First to yourself, and then when you're comfortable with someone else. Maybe you keep allowing people to cancel plans last minute. Maybe you keep allowing people to get away with saying things about you. Now, here's the thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
The reason why we fail at this is we usually attack people. We don't set a boundary. We attack people. We say, why do you treat me like this? Don't do that. That's not a boundary. A boundary is something you keep as a promise to yourself. If someone does this again, I will not invite them again. If someone talks to me that way again, I will not respond to them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
A boundary doesn't mean someone else acts differently. A boundary means you act differently when that person acts the same. You can't change how someone's going to treat you. So you have to set a boundary with yourself for how you'll respond when they treat you that way. If someone's mean to you once more, how are you going to set a boundary for yourself? That's what I want you to focus on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Lesson number six, I wish I'd learned sooner. is some people love the old version of you because they could control them. This is a really harsh truth. How many times have you ever had someone who's like, oh, I miss the old you. You always had time. What they're saying is you always had time for me. How many times have you had someone say to you, oh my gosh, I loved who you were in like 2022.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Like you were so much fun. What are they saying? You were so much fun for me. Someone says, oh my gosh, remember back in the day when you'd just come over and we'd just cook together and we'd figure it out? What they're saying is that was convenient for me. Some people love the old version of you because they could control them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Every single week for years, I've been creating content to serve you, to help you, to support you. And I know that you're the type of person that would love to be a part of this community. When you click subscribe, you're not just subscribing to a channel. You're actually committing to a journey of growth, transformation, and service.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Some people love the old version of you because they don't want to grow. Some people love the old version of you because it made them feel bigger. Some people loved the old version of you because it kept them comfortable. Some people loved the old version of you because it made their lives easier, not better. They don't miss you. They miss the version of you who stayed small. They don't miss you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
They miss the version of you who didn't set boundaries. They don't miss you. They miss the version of you who needed their approval. When you outgrow the old version of yourself, you outgrow the people who needed you to stay there. When you heal, you disrupt the systems that benefited from your wounds. When you rise, you reveal who is rooting for your survival, not your success.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Don't shrink to fit into old spaces. Don't bend to make old relationships easier. Don't apologize for becoming someone new. If they can only love the unhealed, unsure, controlled version of you, they don't love you. They love your compliance. This is probably the hardest one to learn because we feel bad. We wish we could still be that person, but we know we're not. We're more organized.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
We're more focused. We have more commitments. We have more priorities. And that person wants us to be available, around, just be there all the time. See, science backs this up. Growth threatens those who benefited from your smallness. A 2022 survey showed 58% of people admit they felt uncomfortable when a close friend or partner leveled up in their life. It's not always malice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
It's not like they want you to fail. It's not negative. It's fear. We're scared because it reminds us of our lack of growth. And so what I'm saying to you is you don't have to shrink back into that version to compensate. Actually, what's more likely is if you keep growing, they may one day too. Not if you're trying to convince them, not if you're they may one day choose to fly as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
So here's my habit for you today. Write down one way you've changed for the better in the last 12 months. Celebrate it privately or share it proudly without apologizing. Lesson number seven, I wish I'd learned sooner, is I'm just bad at texting. Is code for you're not a priority. I used to always want to convince people, even if they didn't message back, even if they didn't respond.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
I always wanted to stay connected, only to realize they didn't really want to connect with me. And while I was trying to do that, I was missing out on the group of people here who really did. I was ignoring a group of people who wanted to connect, believe in me, support me, for a group of people who showed no signs of it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
And you're allowing me and my team to continue to do this work, which we can't wait to keep giving. So thank you so much. Click that subscribe button. So let's dive straight in. The reason why the lessons I'm about to share with you today are so powerful and so important is that they're often missed. We're taught so many things early in our life that we never use again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
I promise you there is more love in your life than you even recognize because you're looking in the wrong direction. I promise you there are more people who want to be friends with you than you realize because you're trying to be friends with someone else. I promise you there are so many people
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
who would want to spend time with you, but you're missing out on them because you're trying to chase someone else. Read the signs. You don't need to become a conspiracy theorist. Most of the time, again, it's not malice. It's not negative. People just have different priorities. Don't make it to be like some conspiracy theory that you got left out. You got let go. You didn't get invited.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
You just don't click. It just doesn't work. And it's not a big deal. There are people out there who want to click with you, connect with you, invite you. Remember this. Read in between the lines. I'm just bad at texting is code for you're not a priority. I'm confused about what I want is code for I'm sure I don't want you enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
I'm bad at communicating is code for I'm not willing to put in the effort with you. I don't know what I'm looking for is code for I'm keeping my options open. I'm just focusing on myself right now is code for I don't see a future with you. I'm not ready for anything serious is code for I'm ready, just not with you. People make time for what they care about. People make effort for who they value.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
People show up for who they want. Excuses are translations. Listen to what they're really saying and protect your energy. Believe the patterns, not the promises. Actions are the only real language you can trust. Consistent communication is a choice, not a personality trait. Research from the Pew Research Center shows that 89% of people aged 18 to 49 check their phones multiple times an hour.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
If someone wanted to reach out, they could. It's really important to remember that. So here's the habit. If you're chasing someone's attention, pause. Notice who freely reaches out to you today without prompting and give your energy back in that direction. Make sure you subscribe and make sure you don't miss out on another video or another episode with On Purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr. Gabor Mate on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Think about the subjects you learned at school. What percentage of the subjects you studied at school do you practically use today? I'm guessing that percentage is quite low, but the skills I'm about to share with you today, if we had learned them that early, they would have benefited us forever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
It's incredible to me that no one's sharing these insights, that often we don't hear them as the best pieces of advice. This isn't what we're being told. It's something that you have to read in between the lines to actually extract and implement in your life. I hope you have your notepad out. If you don't, don't worry.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
We'll be summarizing this as we go along and you'll be able to come back at any point to grab the insight that you missed. Feel free to pause, play, rewind, fast forward as you will because I want to make sure that this message lands. The first lesson I wish I'd learned sooner is is the less you say, the more your words will matter.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
I always used to think that the loudest person in a room had the most power. That the person who talked the most had the most control. Until I realized the person who spoke the most was the least in control. They were trying to come across as likable. They were trying to be popular. And in that attempt, they were actually making it harder for them to be memorable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
It was hard to be interesting for a 30 minute conversation and talk for 20 minutes of it. It was really difficult to be memorable when you said so many things, but no one remembered what you exactly said. It felt really uncomfortable to be quiet, but every time you kept trying to interject and say something, you felt even less confident because you didn't have anything meaningful to say.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
This principle, this lesson will change your life. The first thing it will do is it will stop you from being anxious in social settings. The number of us that walk into a social setting and try to come off as interesting and important only to leave feeling insignificant and irrelevant to the conversation. If you realize that being silent is not a weakness, being silent is a strength. Why?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Because you can listen. It means when you respond, people will also be able to tell that you took in what they say. See, most of us are struggling not because we don't listen, but because we're thinking about what we want to say while we're listening. Because of that, we don't even digest what someone is sharing. So when we open our mouth, that person feels disconnected and distant.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
So firstly, it will remove that anxiety and nervousness when you're at a party, a social setting, a work event, whatever it may be. The second thing is you get the opportunity to be interested, which is even more important than being interesting. People love to share and answer great questions. When you get good at asking good questions, people feel good. They react in a good way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
They appreciate it. Now, most of us, when we ask questions, we ask things like, how was your day? That person has been asked that for so many years in their life that they have a rehearsed, regurgitated answer. Something like good, fine, okay, blah, right? Now, you may be a little more bold and talk about the weather. That's boring too. That person has been asked about the weather for years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Now, you may have heard, let's ask someone what's exciting for them. That can sometimes feel quite challenging for that person. Here's what I'm going to share with you. If you're going to ask something, share your thoughts on it first. Say, I've been watching this really cool TV show. What's your thoughts on it? Have you seen it? They go, no, I haven't seen it. And they say, tell me about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Now you've actually been asked to share. A lot of us say so much when we're not asked.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Unsolicited advice and unsolicited conversation Is potentially the hardest to hold someone's attention with When someone asks you a question and you respond That keeps their attention When you talk without letting someone else get involved We actually lose their attention The less you say The more your words will matter The less you complain the more people will listen.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
The less you react, the more control you hold. The less you argue, the more dignity you keep. The less you chase, the more you attract. The less you speak from emotion, the more weight your words carry. The less you overcompensate, the more people understand you. Less noise, more impact. Less chatter, more respect. Less explaining, more commanding. Speak less and mean more.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
When you walk into a room and you just start complaining about your day, complaining about your journey, complaining about the travel, complaining about your weekend, what does that do? It puts everyone into a negative space and negative environment. they now connect you and associate you with negative emotions.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Even if they say, I agree, I'm sorry you went through that, I'm sorry to hear it, you have now created a contagious space for negativity. Save that complaining for a friend you can vent to. Save that complaining for someone who shares the same with you. When you're walking into the workplace, when you're walking into a family event, walk in and share something amazing that happened to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Something that you're grateful for. Ask someone else what was the most memorable part of their week. Something beautiful that happened to them. all of a sudden you're going to kickstart a chain reaction of positive events. In today's world of endless chatter, it's easy to believe more words mean more connection. But studies show the opposite.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
According to a 2014 Harvard study, people remember only 17 to 25% of what they hear in conversations. Flood someone with words and your meaning gets lost like a drop in an ocean. Wise communicators know brevity creates impact. In Zen teachings, a story tells of a student who asked his master for the secret of wisdom. A student went up to his teacher and asked, what is the secret of wisdom?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
The teacher simply replied, listen. The student asked again, what is the secret of wisdom? The teacher replied, listen. frustrated, the student demanded more explanation to which the teacher replied, if you listened, you wouldn't need more words.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
This is one of my favorite stories because it shows us that rather than thinking about what we're going to say, what we're thinking, evaluating, if we simply listened, paused and responded, we'd actually have something meaningful to say. The reason you don't have something meaningful to say is because you haven't listened.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
We don't listen because we're scared of the gap between listening and responding. But actually, if you listen and you take that time and what you say will have more value, more impact, and it's more likely to be remembered. So here's a habit, a practical habit I want to share with you. Before your next conversation, ask yourself, what is the essential message I want them to remember?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Say it clearly in one or two sentences. So when you walk into a conversation, make it really clear to yourself, what is it I want to communicate? What is the essence of what I actually want to share? What do I want to embody? And let your silence add weight to your words. The second lesson I wish I'd learned sooner is let go or be dragged. Think about this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
When you don't let go of something, it doesn't stop. It doesn't pause. If you don't let go of a person, they don't stop changing. If you don't let go of a person, they don't stop living. If you don't let go of a person, they don't stop doing whatever it is they're doing. Sometimes the only way to strengthen your own relationship with yourself is to disconnect and let go of someone else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Think about all the times in your life where you were so attracted to someone. You just kept pursuing them. What happened? You didn't let go and you felt dragged along. What about when there was someone that you were dating and maybe they gave you all the signs? You saw all the red flags that this person wasn't right for you. But what did you do? You didn't let go and so you were dragged.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
And what about that friend who kept manipulating you, kept taking advantage of you, took you for granted? And you didn't let go, so you got dragged. It's much better when we voluntarily early on, let go, rather than get dragged throughout our life along with this person, wherever they're going, in whichever direction. Let go or be dragged. Let go or be left behind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Let go or be broken by what you're clinging to. Let go or be crushed under the weight of what's gone. Let go or lose yourself trying to hold what's already slipping away. Let go or stay trapped in a life that no longer fits you. Clutching what hurts you doesn't save you. It sinks you. Clinging to what's over doesn't preserve it. It poisons you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Harsh Truths I Wish I Knew in My 20’s (I Would’ve Found My Purpose QUICK!)
Holding on too long turns love into resentment, hope into suffering, memories into anchors. What you won't release will eventually release you, maybe even brutally. What you won't walk away from will drag you until you can't walk at all. You don't lose by letting go. You lose by refusing to let go. See, the thing is, attachment often feels like love, but unchecked attachment is more like a chain
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I always say to people, if any of you are struggling with what you should do for work, sometimes just go around to your friends and meet them one-on-one and say, hey, have a really honest discussion with me. What do you think is my number one skill? What do you think I'm actually good at? And your friend might be like, you plan the best parties. Like that's what you're good at.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Or you know what? Whenever there's a big event coming up, you're really good at event planning. And all of a sudden, I've done this with my sister and I've seen that. My sister's always organized lots of retreats. She's organized lots of events. She's really talented at that. It isn't her career.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I'm constantly nudging her in that direction and saying, hey, have you thought about wedding planning? Have you thought about birthday planning? Have you thought about event planning? And so, but what I loved about watching you make that transition was that I think a lot of people think, oh, when I get a million followers, then I'll make a transition.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Or when I make X amount of money, then I'll make a transition. And you were actually making it while you were there. And the sign of success was good feedback. And so I think not postponing that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
transition that pivot that switch and i love what you said because i think this is true for everyone you have to have one foot in either boat yes at the beginning so you were gone down to four day week one day became coaching studying weekends became that going doing the exams the course and when you've got one foot in each boat once you're confident enough
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
You take the other leap. Exactly. Rather than what I think a lot of us do is we've got two feet in one boat. The other boat's so far away. Yeah. And you go, oh no, it's all about the jump. It's all about the leap. And you kind of amp yourself up. Then you jump and then you fall into the water. And now you're drowning because you're like, wait a minute, I don't even know where the other boat is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And so I don't want to glorify risk because I think a lot of people will be like, you have to take a risk. You got to do something big. You got to take a leap. And I'm like... Well, you've got to be a little bit measured and a little bit practiced as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Like, I don't think this satisfies me anymore.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah, I read something recently, which I think is called the Pygmalion Effect. I don't know if you've come across it, but it's this idea that we're better at doing things when we think people believe in us. And so it's when they told teachers that these kids are performing well. And so teachers started to treat them better. And then the kids perform better, even though they weren't any different.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And that's a quick version of it. You can check it out. But what was really interesting about it was we can also do that to ourselves. And so it works when we set higher standards for ourselves, we start treating ourselves in that way. And it goes back to your beast mode point of you rise to your standards. And
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host Jay Shetty and I am so grateful that you've decided to join me today. This is a very special episode because I'm in Qatar at Web Summit and right now I'm sitting inside the iHeart Studio and there are people around the studio who have headphones on who can listen to the podcast.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I think a lot of us don't know what that means because I think when we set high standards, we usually feel we fail.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
We usually feel, oh no, I'm going to feel like I failed. So I might as well just set a lower standard. Exactly. And one thing I've noticed in high performers that I really appreciate is high standards matched with high grace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And so if you look at the best people in the world, like I love this commencement speech that Roger Federer just gave. I'm sure you saw it. And he talks about how in his career, he's lost a ridiculous amount of points. I can't remember the exact number, but he's lost a ridiculous amount of points, like almost 40% of points or 45% of points.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And you think, wait a minute, how could one of the greatest have lost 45% of points? And he says, because all I've got to do when I lose a point is focus on the next one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And he said, if I sit there and I'm constantly thinking about the last point and how I should have responded and how I should have hit it and how I should have placed it, now all of a sudden my attention's gone on the next point and now I've lost the next point. And that just continues.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So I love that idea that greatness came from having a high expectation of winning every point, but then having enough grace to say, actually, if I focus on the last point, I'm going to lose the next point as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah, and that's how you learn. It's going to happen along the way. And I think one thing that I remember, which was really important, part of our friendship, and I wanted to talk about certain events. It was definitely that. So I started working at Accenture. And I was working at a client that was close by to your law firm.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So every lunchtime we'd go on like an hour walk around London and we'd have these conversations nearly every day while I was at this client.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I think the same is true for me. But we'd go on this hour walk and these are the conversations we'd have. And it shows you how important that friendship is, how important that connection is. Yes. And I think we were both looking for an escape. But the thing is, we weren't just then making our time together entertainment. Our time together became these conversations.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Hello everyone outside. We've never done this before ever, which is awesome. And I'm really excited because my best friend of nearly the last two decades now is in the house. He recently moved to Dubai. We're in Doha. He's flown over so that we can hang out because we now need to schedule our hangouts because that's what happens with adult friendships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. Well, what's really interesting is that when you go to school, right, you start nursery at whatever, three, four years old, and then you're basically at school till 18.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And if you go to university or college, then you're there till 21 or maybe a bit older if you do law or medicine or whatever it may be, or a postgrad. And what's really interesting is that from the moment you're three or four years old, every year up until 21 is pretty much mapped out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So you don't actually have to think when you complete fourth grade.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
You go to fifth grade and then you go to sixth grade and then you go to seventh and then eighth and then ninth and tenth. And you never had to think. There's no ownership of your own development. There's no ownership. There's no ownership. And what ends up happening is as soon as you get to 21, and let's say you get a job, you get a grad job, you start a job.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Now, all of a sudden, your whole trajectory is up to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Do you stay at this place? Do you network for a promotion? Do you take on extracurricular? Do you quit your job and get promoted somewhere else? Do you switch? Do you... All of a sudden, at 21 years old, it's like, well, now we're not going to tell you what to do for the next 50 years. And so I think everyone... is at a disadvantage.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Because you haven't had to use your brain for all of those years. All of a sudden, you have to use your brain and now you're scared. So you're asking everyone around you, what should I do? Is this the right path for me? Should I quit my job? Should I get married? Should I not? Right? And that confusion, I have a lot of empathy because of that, because we weren't made to make decisions early enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Now, I'm not saying that a four-year-old should be deciding what they're studying at university. That's not the point. But there has to start becoming... a little bit of ownership about direction and about choice because that's how you build confidence in yourself. So most of us have never made a major life decision until 25, 30 years old.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
No wonder we're crippled by the anxiety and the stress and the pressure that comes with that because you didn't have to think about anything that was that complicated. for like 18 years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah. It's knowing that I think all of us need to know that we're loved whether we win or we lose. Yes. That's what all of us want. All of us want to know that I am loved or all of us want to know that you are loved whether you win or you lose. And so your child, yourself, your partner, what they want from you is that you love them no matter what.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I'm so grateful because I thought I'd invite him on the show today so that we can share some of the most pivotal moments of our friendship, careers, life over the last two decades. And I thought it would be a special treat for you. So welcome to the episode, Nanda, who is in the studio with me. Nanda, thanks for joining me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
But they need to be able to win or to lose off their own choices, off their own accord. And I remember one meeting that we had. I remember when you actually flew out with me to New York when I first moved there and you slept on my couch.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I remember, well, maybe I'll explain. Maybe you can tell them what you had for breakfast because...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
No, I was just going to say that it was one thing that you realize as you live life is that life becomes the stories. Yes. And I remember a few years before that, I was at a friend's wedding in Ibiza. Yeah. And I was sitting, having dinner on the beach at my friend's wedding. And I was sitting with this man who is around 70 years old.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And he was sitting there almost like in a movie scene of, he was in one of those beach rocking chairs. There was a little fire pit that we were around. It was me, my wife. some of our, Genevieve and someone else from the wedding. And we were sitting with this man and he just had these crazy life stories.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I remember sitting there and just thinking, I really hope that when I'm his age, that I'll have stories to tell. And not stories to tell to the world even, just stories to tell to my friends. And I think what happens in our busy, distracted life the events in our life become events where everyone's there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Whereas we have a lot, we talk about this a lot, that as I have got older, group events are great. Yes. But it's the one-on-one investments over the years that give you stories and memories. For sure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
the big birthday party that a hundred people were at or 50 I don't ever think about those things I don't talk about those things but I can remember when you were sleeping on the couch and we were waking up and we were walking to the you know the grocery store picking up groceries coming back like I can remember that or I can remember the walks we used to go on yeah
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I think it's so important that as we get older, I think sometimes we think, I want that big birthday party again. I want that feeling of being a kid again. And it's almost like those one-to-one relationships are so powerful. And I think one of the things I really value about our friendship is I think it's become harder for men to find these relationships in our community and outside.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
It doesn't matter whether you're in a spiritual community or not. It's just harder for men to find connection. And I think for us, one thing that really helped was you were always really vulnerable and honest and open about your life when we first got to know each other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And as you were my mentor, it was very new for me because mentors and teachers are generally people who you think have it all together. And you're learning because they have it all together. And not only do I disagree with that, you helped like burst that bubble very early on because you'd be really open about your challenges or whatever you were going through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I try and do that with my community today. I'm really open and honest about, I always talk about how like me and my wife don't have a perfect marriage. There's loads of stuff and we'll talk about it. Or, you know, I haven't had a career where everything's been easy. But I find that as men, it's harder. How have you found that over time? And like, how have you navigated that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And what are your thoughts on male friendship and how you strengthen that bond? Because I think a lot of men are feeling lonely right now in the world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
That's a hard lesson as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
That's exactly what happened. We were having a casual conversation, even though we have three casual conversations a week. And I was just like, yeah, you know, it'd be really fun. We've never done this before. And it would be a really good idea. And I thought it'd be fresh for my amazing community to hear about
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah. And I think that's also how you don't become harsh in a world that may feel harsh. Like I would rather turn up fully as I am consciously. And then however someone responds to that, now I'm clear on where we're at. Yes. Whereas if I come all cagey and holding back, now I don't know whether that person's mirroring my energy or they might be hiding something.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And so if I come out and I'm just fully myself consciously, and I'm loving and I'm trusting and I'm open, then I get a quicker sense of where someone's at and whether our energy matches, not whether they're a good or bad person, just on whether our frequency matches.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Whereas if I lower my frequency thinking I'm protecting myself, now actually I'm working against myself because I can't quickly figure out. And I think that's what I look at is what's the pace of figuring it out. Like when you can speed that up because you're fully yourself, Now you have a great sense of, okay, I trust this person. I can see where my barriers are with this individual.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I think setting boundaries has become such a healthy thing for adult friendships as well. I think we talk about this a lot. When you grow up in a big community, everyone thinks they know you and everyone claims to know you and everyone claims to be your friend. And it's really hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And, you know, sometimes people can turn, oh, I went to college with that person or I went to school with that person too. Oh, no, no, I knew that person really intimately. And so I think it's really important that we set healthy boundaries. I think what's helped me with my male friendships, and I have a lot of young male friends who, guys that I mentored, like you were mentoring me at the time,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I think for me, it's always been these one-on-ones. I think it's really easy as a bunch of guys to hang out, watch a game, whatever it may be. But when you can have these one-on-ones where there's space for both of you to truly put the guard down, and it's almost like taking your armor off. Like I think as men, you've got to recognize that there is a desire to be strong and be this warrior.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
But at the end of the day, you've got to take your helmet off. You've got to put the shield down. You've got to put the sword down. You've got to take the armor off. And that's when you can see each other's wounds and be open about it and talk about it. And I think I consider myself to be a warrior mindset, as you were talking about earlier.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
But a big part of that warrior mindset is also having that safe space where you don't have to have the shield and the guard up all day long. And you can finally put it down. Has that changed for you over time? I think I dealt with that in the beginning of my career where I had to be so intense about growing and building. And it's not about being mean. It's about having a winner's mindset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I think there's a difference between having a winner's mindset and being mean and harsh. And I was developing that winner's mindset. And I realized that it took me a long while to realize how to be with my wife and still have a winner's mindset, but recognize it shouldn't be projected onto her.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
our friendship, life, the journey that we've both been on, the journey that I've been on through your perspective. And yes, just so everyone knows, Nanda's had no time to prepare. We both came up with this. Well, no, he didn't come up with this idea. I came up with this idea 30 minutes ago and here we are. So let's dive in. I've known Nanda ever since before I became a monk.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I think there's a difference between being ambitious and aggressive. Okay. I think you can be ambitious without being aggressive. I think aggression is something that spills over onto other people. It's how you treat other people. It's how you greet other people. It's how people feel when they're around you. They feel scared. There's fear. Aggression is ambition in its lowest form.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And then ambition is something about you. It's now your expectation of yourself. It's your desire for yourself. It's what you expect and want of yourself. Aggression is when you want everyone else to now mirror that. And I actually remember Goranga Das, who's my monk teacher, and of course, you know him very well as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
He actually taught me this very early on because for anyone who knows him, as you do, he has an impeccable schedule.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So he wakes up at 2 a.m. every day, meditates for two hours before everyone wakes up to meditate. And then we'll meditate, then go and cook for all the monks, then come back. So my point is he's a superhero. Superhuman. Yeah, superhuman.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And anyone who tries to imitate him fails. I've been there, hands up, I've been there. But the more important thing is he told me that really early on that he had to realize that his expectations had to be of himself and that a good leader doesn't create high expectations for others, but operates at the highest values and expectations for themselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And everyone rises to that because they see the example. So anyway, going back to what we were talking about with the spiritual point, For me, ambition and spirituality should never have been put as opposites. And somewhere in our narrative, and this is probably one of my favorite things, the famous quote that goes around is, money is the root of all evil. And everyone knows it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
You hear it everywhere. But the actual text says the love of money is the root of all evil. That's a really massive piece of context that is missed in one of the most famous quotes of money of all time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I remember actually saying that to you. I wanted to do that. I then even talked to you when I was leaving the monastery. and all the challenges of reintegration of my health and everything else, all the way through to, which we'll talk about some of these events of spending time in New York together in the early stages of my career, LA, and now all the way through to Dubai and Doha.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I really believe that if you get too familiar with greatness, beauty or success, that makes you feel unsuccessful. And what I mean by that and this idea of just the beginning is I look at my life today as if I would if I was looking at it from 20 years ago.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So when we were sitting up there in the iHeart booth just upstairs right now, and there's a picture of my podcast art next to like Malcolm Gladwell, who I love and I grew up reading and he's been a guest on the show. And then there's Breakfast Club with Charlemagne, who I love. And there's just all these amazing people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I have to look at that from 18-year-old Jay and 25-year-old Jay because when I look at it as that, my mind is blown and I'm like, no way, like I can't believe this is my life. And when I sat down on the stage, I was like, it took a moment just personally. It wasn't in front of, it was internally on just like how grateful I was to be able to have this opportunity.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And my point is, I have to look at it from the kid who watched Fresh Prince. I have to look at it from the kid who used this person's product. I have to look at it from the kid who watched a tennis match and now gets to interview Novak Djokovic. I've got to watch it as the kid who watched a movie and now gets to sit down with Michael B. Jordan. I have to watch it from that perspective.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
But if I only look at it from this perspective of, oh, here I am, this is my life now, this is normality, all of a sudden it will start to feel really insignificant.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I think that's what happens a lot where whether you get to wake up and look at a beautiful view every morning, looking at your partner that once you believed when you first met them was the most beautiful person on the planet, if you don't look at them that way again, No wonder you get distracted and whatever else is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So for me, it's always looking at it from it's just the beginning in the sense of let me fast forward, let me rewind. And then the other it's just the beginning is going, I've got to have the beginner's mindset. Yes. Even in this moment, because otherwise this is all going to go away. I've got to treat it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I've got to have the same hunger as I had on day one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I think it's romanticizing your life. Like you have to be really present in it to see how beautiful every moment is. And not every moment is beautiful. But I think when things were tough, I'd say something else. I wouldn't be saying this. Like, I don't think when things are tough, I'm like, I'll be grateful for what you have. I think that can be bad advice and can kind of be off-putting as well.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
When things were bad, I'd be like, I can't wait to tell this story one day. So when I was going through the failures and things were going wrong, I'd say, I can't wait to tell this story one day when I get to the other side.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And that gives you momentum to get to the other side because you can't wait to tell that story. And so I think it's a mix of mindsets and tools that you bring out in different moments. So when things are going well, slow down and smell the roses. There's a reason why, smell the flowers.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And so where should we start, Nanda?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
There's a reason why that phrase is famous because when things are going well, you can just move through them like it doesn't matter. But when things are going badly, if you say to yourself, I can't wait to tell this story on the other side. All of a sudden you get momentum from the other side rather than being like, oh God, this is the worst thing I've ever gone through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I used to have an amazing football coach that would say, if you win, celebrate for a night and then get back to training.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And if you lose, cry for a night and then get back to training. And I love that advice because it, put the emphasis on get back to training.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And so I've had some amazing successes in my life and I don't feel they've been fleeting, but they've just been a marker that you're on the path. And the greatest success, the greatest joy or celebrating success comes on the pursuit. It's the journey. It is that journey, like that old, you know, it's... Journey, not the...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah, and it's like that is the part that you have to celebrate. And that's what I mean, celebrating the moment and going, this makes my story better. Celebrating the moment and saying, I'm going to stop and appreciate this moment of sitting on stage. Let me stop and appreciate the fact that this is happening for me. And by the way, sure, it's easier now, but all of those things were happening
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
you know, it wasn't like the first day I did it, it was this either. Going back to the right, the beginning, when I uploaded my first video and it got, you know, 500 views in my first month on YouTube, I had a thousand subscribers. I was so happy about that. I remember. I never looked at the thousand subscribers and went, why is it not a million? And so it was there then.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I remember our friends were like, well done, mate. This is probably it. Yeah. No, no, no. It was, this is probably it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah. So, but yeah, anyway, we could do this for hours. I've got to run to main stage now. Nanda, I am so grateful to you for joining me on a last minute request.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
It's been a really fun conversation. We'll have to do this again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And I'm so glad you shared your journey because I think there's so much for everyone to learn with whether our journeys are public or private, whether they're you know, in the public eye or not, we all have to make these decisions. And I think you shared so many great, valuable insights today. So thank you so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. If you love this episode, you'll love my conversation with Dr. Joe Dispenza on why stress and overthinking negatively impacts your brain and heart and how to change your habits that are on autopilot. Listen to it right now. How many times...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Well, I want people to know also that now we're friends, but in the beginning of our relationship, you were my mentor because you'd been practicing spirituality for far longer than me. And so when I first came in, you were someone that I turned to for advice. And of course, I still do that today as a friend. But at that time, it was very much so...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
you were sharing with me experience, insight, and so it was natural for me to come to you at that time. And I've always described it like a divorce, because I think that's the only analogy that makes sense for someone who doesn't know what it feels like to become a monk and leave. It feels like I got married for three years to the love of my life,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And then I figured out that it wasn't going to last and that it wasn't going to work. So the heartbreak you'd feel from a breakup or a divorce is the heartbreak I felt from leaving the monastery. Because let me paint a picture for everyone. I really didn't know what I was going to do. I think a lot of people feel like I had a plan or I had a strategy or I knew what I was going to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I had no clue. And if I'm completely honest, I was really scared about going back to the workplace because I was worried. I was thinking, wait a minute, do I have to go back into consulting or finance or business because that's what I would have done? Will I be able to make it in that space? How will I be able to survive?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Right? It wasn't like I came back to a fanfare of... No, there wasn't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah, I always look back to a piece of advice that Thomas Power, one of my other mentors in life, would often say to me, he'd say that when you're in moments of pain, that's when you'll find your potential. And whenever he used to say that, I used to be like, yeah, yeah, all right. Cliche. Yeah, I used to be like, okay, like I know my potential. I'm pretty okay. I'll figure it out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. And what I found is that pressure doesn't attract success and joy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And then when I was in those moments, so at that time, when we're talking about right now, I was rejected from 40 companies and I didn't even get an interview at those companies. And I'm someone who got a first class degree. And so not getting an interview at 40 companies, and I'm saying this not for you to think, oh, Jay, you're amazing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I'm saying this because I actually feel a lot of you might be in this position right now where you're trying to make a transition in your career. You're trying to make a new job. You're trying to sell a new product. You're building a new business. And all you're getting is rejection after rejection after rejection. And that experience, what it gave to me was two things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
One was all you need is one yes. All you need is one yes. All I needed was one company, Accenture, to say, we're going to give you a shot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And we're going to put you on a graduate scheme at 25, 26 years old, but we're going to give you a shot. So that's one thing. And the second thing I learned is that it's all a game of odds. Yes. It's all about the law of odds. And what I mean by that is it is simply as basic as the more doors you knock on, the more open. So if you've not had any open doors, you just haven't knocked on enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And so I think I learned those two really critical skills. And then fast forward a few years later, which we'll get to when I was four months away from being broke, it was the same principles I had to go back to was all you need is one yes. And if no doors have opened, you just haven't knocked on enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah, it's a really fine point you brought out. And it's challenging because I think we operate from two places as humans. One is passive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And so we're like, oh, it will happen when it happens. If the universe provides... it will work out just the way it's meant to. And we say these phrases, but beneath them, there's a insecurity and an uncertainty. And the opposite way we function as humans is we're pressured. So we think, oh my gosh, that person's already sold their company and they're only 35.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And oh my gosh, that person just made $100,000 doing that. And oh my God, so there's pressure. So we either function from being passive, it will happen when it's happened, Or pressure, oh my God, it's not happening for me. And what I found is that pressure doesn't attract success and joy. And being passive doesn't attract success and joy. And the only place that does is peace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And peace is me saying, I'm going to do everything I can and then leave the result up to what the universe is, what God wants, whatever the energy is around me. But I'm going to do everything I possibly can. And it goes back to your point. And by the way, I've seen you do this. And I think it's important to talk about it through stories that people may not be familiar with.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
You were a really successful lawyer. You were doing great.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And you decided that it wasn't fulfilling you. And I actually want to ask you about that because I think there may be a lot of people listening right now who are doing something where they studied for it. They were educated for it. They worked hard for it. Their parents maybe even were really impressed that they did it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And now they're at an age where they're going, I think I want to change my career. Like, I don't think this satisfies me anymore. And it's harder when you've done something like law, which took years of training, years of building up. How did you get comfortable
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
with giving up your feeling around sunk cost bias for anyone who doesn't know sunk cost biased is an economic term which means i've already invested so much time money or energy down this path and usually what it does is it keeps you on that path because you think i've invested too much to let it go that's why people don't change careers it's why people don't break up from relationships it's why people don't do any of those things for you what finally gave you confidence
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And being passive doesn't attract success and joy. And the only place that does is peace. And peace is me saying, I'm going to do everything I can
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
to say, you know what, even though I'm really good at law, even though I make a really good living, even though I have a family and two kids, I'm still going to take a risk. Because in my eyes, me going off to become a monk was a risk. But you pivoting your career at that age was also a risk. What got you there?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
and then leave the result up to what the universe is, what God wants, whatever the energy is around me, but I'm gonna do everything I possibly can because I think there may be a lot of people listening right now who are doing something where they studied for it, they were educated for it, they worked hard for it, their parents maybe even were really impressed that they did it, and now they're at an age where they're going, I think I wanna change my career.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah. Yeah, no, because I saw it. And I think this is, you're so right. This is why our friends are so important in being honest with us, in noticing our strengths, being honest about our weaknesses, noticing our values.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Maybe you've been hurt before and now you're acting too cool for school, but you're pushing other people away. When we're acting detached or we are detached, we sometimes miss opportunities. We brush off someone who truly cares. We convince ourselves that it's not a big deal. And I've seen that happen too often. People just say, oh yeah, you know, I'm doing my own thing right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And you miss out on a really beautiful possible connection. The third is you overcompensate. You act like you're too busy. You're too focused on other things than love. And while that's not a bad thing, I think it's amazing when people get focused on their careers when they go deep. I think it's beautiful. But if in the back of your mind, you're like, I just really want to be in a relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
I wish I could find that person. You're kind of detached and desperate at the same time, which is the worst situation to be in. The reason I'm painting these states is because I want us to realize the difference when we get into the optimal state that I'm going to share with you in a moment. I want to share with you that optimal state of attraction and manifestation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And I want you to realize that the states of desperation and detachment don't create that dynamic energy that we need in order to be a magnet. The fourth thing we do is we build walls, not boundaries. Instead of healthy limits, we shut up entirely. We think it's safer that way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
It's almost like instead of getting blinds for the sun pouring into your house, which is a healthy way to manage it, you end up putting up walls around your house. That's what we all do. We put up walls, not boundaries, right? And we think it's safer that way. But it's not safer. We need that light. We need that connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We'll dive into experiences designed to inspire growth, spark learning and build real connections. I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me and get yours today. Every text, every moment of silence. Every look feels like a test of your worth and their love. You're messaging going, hey, wait, wait, wait, what did you mean by that? Hey, are we on the same page?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We need to expose ourselves to a tiny bit of pain, a tiny bit of stress, a tiny bit of discomfort and struggle. Another thing we do when we're detached is we seek distractions. We pretend we don't need anyone. We party to fill the void. We take up loads of new hobbies. By the way, these are all great things. but not if they're coming from a place of trying to avoid that which we're looking for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We project this sort of indifference. We claim we don't care, but our actions often reveal that we're scared to admit we do. You pretend you don't care, but really you're scared to admit that you actually do. And that means we end up sabotaging potential relationships. right? We find reasons to end things early. We convince people that it wasn't meant to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We convince ourselves that it wasn't meant to be. So when you're desperate, you're pulling something close when it doesn't make sense. And when you're in detachment, you're pushing something away when it doesn't make sense. Listen to that again. When you're desperate, you're trying to pull things closer than they're meant to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And when you're detached, you're trying to push things further away than they're meant to be. You're not allowing what is meant to be to be in your life. And what does that do? It means we often feel lonely and private. Behind closed doors, behind the bravado when it fades, loneliness starts to creep in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And we're there on our own on a Friday night saying we're okay, saying we're strong, saying we're not in need, but we are feeling desperate. And a lot of us oscillate. between this desperation and detachment. We think, oh, everyone says, you find someone when you're not looking for them. All right, let me pretend to be detached. Oh, wait, that didn't work. All right, I need to be desperate again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
All right, I really need to tell all my friends I'm desperate again. I'm really seeking. Oh, wait, that didn't work. All right, let me just be detached again. Maybe that will work. All right, I'm sure you've met people. I'm sure you have friends and family just constantly oscillating between these two states. And finally, we convince ourselves that love is a weakness. We're scared of connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We're scared of being hurt. And what I find is that as humans, we're good at oscillating between light and dark. We're not good at viewing them at the same time. And it's rare. If you think about a solar eclipse, a solar eclipse is when you see the layer of the moon and the sun. It's a very rare sight, but that's what we need to do, right? We know what to do in the darkness.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We know what to do in the light. We rarely see both together. And so that's what we need to do. We need to find out that middle path of detachment and desperation. That's that state, that dynamic state that we want to be in. There's detachment, but there's also desperation. But it's not desperation. In the dynamic state, it's now desire. And instead of detachment, it's deserving. right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
It's desire and deserving instead of desperation and detachment. Desperation and detachment will push the right people away and pull the wrong people close. Desire and deserving will push the wrong people away and pull the right people close.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
When we know what we desire and we believe we deserve it, that is that peak human state, as opposed to oscillating and operating in the extremes of desperation and detachment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Do you really want to see me? I'm not sure. If you don't want to see me, it's okay, right? That desperation is not a state through which we manifest and attract love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
So how do we do that? The first thing is looking at these blends, these juxtapositions of seemingly opposite ideas.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
love has to be a big priority but we have to take small steps this is how we learn to manifest that optimal state we have to accept love is a big priority in 2025 love is really important to me love is my number one focus in what i want i'm clear about my desire i'm clear about that desire And I'm willing to juxtapose it with small steps.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host Jay Shetty and I am so grateful that you're here. I have to start with, I am so excited that I'm taking On Purpose on tour this year and I want you to come and see me. Head over to jayshetty.me forward slash tour. That's jshetty.me forward slash tour so that you can come and see me live. I can't wait for you to see our special guests.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
I'm willing to accept that love is my number one priority and I know I need to take small steps toward it. The challenge is what we do is we go, I don't want to admit love's my number one desire. That's so uncomfortable. That's so cringe. That's so awkward. That makes me so lame. I'm not going to do that. What have we done? We've just, we've completely suppressed our desire.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
So now we're faking detachment because we're scared of looking silly. So it's not a big priority. We're pretending it's a small priority and we're trying to take big steps. I'm just going to focus on my career. Or we're desperate. So we're saying, oh my God, it's not just a desire, it's desperation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And so we're saying, okay, it is a big priority, but then we're trying to take these massive big leaps towards it. It's the opposite ideas. We need a big priority, accepting love. I desire love. I desire real love. I deserve real love. Repeat that. I desire real love and I deserve real love, but I'm going to take, I'm ready to take the small steps towards it. the weekly date routine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
I'm willing to take the small steps by asking my friends and committing and connecting with people. I'm willing to take the small steps of not rushing it and seeing where things go with someone. I'm willing to take the small steps that even if it didn't work out on the first date, I'm okay with taking a second. I'm okay with trying it out even when things feel like it's not quite working out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
I'm open to the small steps. I'm not waiting for that first big miraculous moment of chemistry that makes me feel like this person is perfect and everything's perfect, but really I'm just lying to myself. Small steps, big priority. The next way to become a magnet is to be patient for love, but impatient for dating. Usually what we are is that we're impatient for it all.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Or we're saying we're patient, but we're feeling impatient. How can we be patient for the big things and impatient about the small things? Patient for love to develop, but impatient to connect, build connections, meet people, be out there, connect. Often we do the opposite. We go, oh yeah, I'll see you when a date comes up. So we're patient for the dates, but we're impatient about love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
I really want to be in love. I really want to be in love, but I don't want to go out on any dates. I don't want to put in the work. Impatient about dates, patient about love. Say it out loud. I'm patient for real love. I am patient for real love. I'm impatient to try and meet more people. That's the balance. That's that dynamic state.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
That blends desire and deserving instead of desperation and detachment. The next step is align what you think, say, and do. Too many people are thinking I'm desperate for love. They're saying I don't need it. And doing, they're not going out on any dates. Too many people are saying in their head, I'm detached from love. They're saying they really, really want it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And then they're doing nothing again. Align. Accept in your mind, this year love is a big priority. Say it when you speak to people. Love is my number one priority. And then let it lead to your actions. A beautiful old saying says that we experience misalignment or we can't be in harmony of what we think, say, and do are not aligned.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Too many of us are saying something to our friends, thinking something on our own, and doing something completely different. align align align i am aligned in manifesting love i'm aligned in attracting love Whatever you think, be clear about it. Repeat that when you're with people, no matter how hard or cringe it is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
If you can't express your desire in your mind and out loud to your close friends and take action aligned with it, you can't manifest. Manifestation is all about aligning. We're aligning with ourselves. We're aligning with the universe. Most of us are misaligned because we're saying something completely different to what we're doing and thinking. The next step is...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
living as if you already have love, creating love in all relationships, infusing love into your work relationships, infusing love with your friends and family, feeling and experiencing love, noticing love. Notice love, acknowledge love, feel it, see it around you wherever you are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We're going to have experts, celebrities, thought leaders. It's going to be really deep, profound work, and it's going to be a lot of fun. Bring your friends, bring your family. I can't wait to see you. Now, today's episode is all about how 2025 becomes the year we manifest love. Whether you're in a relationship, whether you're single, whether you're dating, this episode is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
When someone compliments you, when someone says something rather than in the back of your head thinking, I wish I had a partner who said that. I wish I had someone who felt that. I wish I knew someone who felt that way about me. There are people who feel that way about you. And yes, it's not romantic. But that doesn't mean it's not helpful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
It's helpful in helping you create a state of love and becoming a magnet. Remember, you're trying to become a magnet where you attract love into your life, which means you have to notice it. That's the skill of a magnet. It notices that this is an energy, a field that I want to bring into my life. And in order to do that, we have to focus...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
on what is important about you what's valuable about you can you notice those things can you highlight those things can you value those things in yourself people find it so hard to write down three things they value about themselves but i promise you if you can't do that you can't manifest love into your life because you'll always feel unworthy of love even when someone will stand in front of you stare you in the eyes and say i love you you won't believe it
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
because you don't feel you're lovable. You haven't accepted that there's parts of you that are completely lovable. And finally, I'd suggest, what have you not healed from a previous relationship that will affect the future? That's the energy to clear. That's what you want to work on. You don't want to carry that into the next stage. I hope, I wish, that 2025 becomes your year of manifesting love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
I know it can. And all you have to do is follow these steps, listen to this episode every week, save it, and it will be an incredible year. This will be the year you will become a magnet and manifest and attract love into your life if you follow these simple steps. Thank you so much for listening. Remember, I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
If you love this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your ex and find true love in your relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
If you're someone who for so long feels like they've tried everything and anything to find love, this episode is for you. If you're someone who's in a long-term relationship, but you want to infuse it with more love, this episode is for you. And if you're someone who's dating right now, exhausted with the apps, got so much going on, this episode is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
The first question I want to share with you is who would you be today if you knew you were going to meet the person you will love for the rest of your life? Who would you be if you knew you were going to meet the person you would love for the rest of your life today? Let's say you were going to meet them in three hours, in five hours, in six hours. What would you do differently?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
What would be the focus of your life? How would it change the way you feel? Not just what you would do. How would it change the way you feel? the way you feel about love, the way you feel about happiness, the way you feel about life? Would you have an extra skip in your step? Would you be that much more alert? Would you be that much more positive? Would you be that much more kind?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
What would it feel like if you knew the person of your dreams, the person you would spend the rest of your life with, was three hours away from you? How would you feel and how would that change the way you behave? Just feel that in your body for a moment. Maybe it makes you smile. Maybe it makes you slightly nervous. Maybe you can feel the butterflies.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Maybe you shed a tear because it's been such a painful journey. Think about that for a second. How would it feel? Embody that. How would it feel? I want you to remember this feeling because I want you to bring yourself back to this whenever you feel you're drifting away. It's this energy that attracts and manifests the partner that you want.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Because it's this excitement, this enthusiasm that is the magnet to attract that. When we talk about manifesting, what we're trying to do is become a magnet so we can attract things in our direction. The energy, the vibrancy, the frequency of attraction is this. The genuine belief, the natural feeling, the organic manifestation That it's just around the corner And guess what?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Whether you do meet the love of your life in three hours or not It's just a beautiful place to live It's a happier mind It's a healthier body It's a more healed heart Isn't that where we all want to live? Isn't that what would truly be a magnet for the right person? This is the year you manifest love. If you follow these simple guidelines that I'm about to share today, it will change your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Now, I want to start off with what we usually do. We don't live in the state that I just talked about. We live in one of two states as humans because we love extremes. We either live in a state of desperation on one end Or we live in a state of detachment. So desperation is, oh my gosh, I need to find love. I need to go on a date. Oh my God, I'm never going to find someone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Oh my gosh, everyone's getting married. Oh my God, I'm so behind. Oh my gosh, am I ever going to find someone? That's desperation. And you don't have to tell me. We've all experienced that. We've all been there. We know what it feels like. But then sometimes we do the opposite, the detachment. I'm too busy. I'm focused on my career. I don't need love. It's not that important.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
It will work itself out. I'm not paying any attention. And whether we mean that, whether we truly believe that, we've all been on that side too. And guess what? Here we still are. Whether you're in a relationship or not, here we still are without love. If you're in a relationship, desperation looks like, I wish my partner would give me more attention. Why don't they care about my birthday?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Oh my God, we didn't do anything for Valentine's Day. We didn't do anything for Christmas. You know, they just don't care about me. We know what that feels like. And then if you're in a relationship, detachment feels like, oh, no, we're independent. He's got his thing going on. I've got my thing going on. We don't really need each other. Those are both not states of love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
They're both not peak human states. But you can live in peak human state. And I want you to. So let's talk about that. Desperation doesn't work because it leads to a lot of challenges. The first is desperation can make you ignore red flags. When you're desperate, you convince yourself that bad behavior is just a phase or that they can fix it. Sometimes you don't even notice the bad behavior.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
You just go, oh, no, but they're so wonderful. Oh, wow. Like, no, but they did this thing. You find all the excuses. that justify how you feel, also known as confirmation bias. You notice the things that confirm the feeling you want to have. How many times have you done that with someone? You confirm the feelings and you notice the things that confirm the feelings that you want to have.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
It's amazing how that works, isn't it? And then when that relationship breaks down, all of a sudden you notice all these other things and you go, I knew that was there. I don't know how I missed it. I saw it. I don't know how I missed it. It almost seems like it's hiding in plain sight. So desperation means sometimes we ignore red flags. Desperation sometimes means we overgive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We pour all our energy into someone, hoping our efforts will be enough to make them stay. We overgive. And then when they undergive, we make them feel bad that we overgave when actually it was our choice. It was our desperation. It was our insecure attachment that was doing it. And that way it doesn't work out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Sometimes when we're desperate, I'm sure you have friends who've done this, we settle for less. We lower our standards to avoid being alone. How many friends or family members do you have right now who you know have not manifested love because they were desperate because they really believed that being alone was so terrible that they ended up settling for less?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And I've seen people really settle for less. Sadly, so much less than they deserve because they're desperate. Desperation is not a state through which you can attract and manifest the love of your life. It isn't a state for that. Another thing desperation leads to is overthinking everything. Every text, every moment of silence, every look feels like a test of your worth and their love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
You're messaging, hey, wait, wait, wait, what did you mean by that? Hey, are we on the same page? Do you really want to see me? I'm not sure. If you don't want to see me, it's okay. Right? That desperation means we're overthinking everything. That overthinking energy is not a state through which we manifest and attract love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
We manifest and attract more overthinking, more anxiety, more stress, more drama. And we've all been there as well. When we're desperate, we often lose ourselves. We change our hobbies, change our opinions. We change our personality to match whatever that person wants. And we've seen where that leads. That person eventually decides to choose their own way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And we feel hard done by because we changed who we were to keep them in our life. Don't change who you are to keep someone in your life. Don't become who they are to hope they will stay. Be who you are and see who stays to grow with you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
It's so fascinating to me how so many of us trade and lose our identity in the desperate desire to have love in our lives only to realize that that energetic state doesn't create love, it creates loss. loss of ourselves and loss of that person because that person won't stick around because they'll also get a sense that you're not yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Or when you get a sense that you're not yourself anymore and you finally share who you are with them, they'll be outbroken about that. A lot of us, when we're desperate, we rush things. We skip steps. We imagine a future before there's a solid foundation. Think about that for a second. How many times have you ever imagined the future before there was a solid foundation?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
A lot of us, when we're desperate, we seek validation constantly. We crave reassurance. We read too much into small gestures. We're desperately searching for proof that we're loved, right? We want to see that. We want to feel that at every moment. We need it. That desperate act doesn't create love. It creates neediness. It creates dependency. It creates stress for the other person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
And if we're desperate, we avoid boundaries. We're too scared to say no, to stand up for ourselves. We're scared we're going to push someone away. So we pull them closer by pushing ourselves away. Right? Think about that for a second. You're so scared you're going to push someone away that you pull them closer. But the way you do that is you push yourself away from yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
You get so far away from yourself so you can be so close to someone else only to push them further away because they never really got to know you. And finally, when we're desperate, we stay in toxic situations. Sadly, I know too many friends, too many people who will accept physical, verbal, emotional abuse, staying in a toxic situation without love because we're too scared of being alone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
So that's what desperation does. And as you can see, what I'm trying to paint is a picture of the state that is created as opposed to the state that we live in when love is just around the corner. Notice how like light and hopefully happy and filled or fulfilled you felt when I started talking at the beginning of the episode. And now I'm kind of feeling a bit heavy, right? It's heavy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my on-purpose podcast live and in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
How to Manifest Your Dream Partner this Year (Desperation is BLOCKING You)
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. Now, detachment often looks like you're too cool for school. Detachment means we push people away. We act overly independent. We reject genuine connection out of fear of vulnerability.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Yeah, I think it's, for me, it comes to the balance. So vulnerability is a great point. And I really appreciate that because I do agree that if you create space to share what you're going through with your teams, they then have the permission to do the same. And I think I was mentioning when we did a panel at Calm Coast a month ago or so,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
I was talking about a client of mine that I was coaching who's the CEO of a very large corporation. And we'd gone through a transformation. They were saying to me, Jay, I'm, you know, I'm feeling good. And I was like, great, well, you should tell your team about your journey. And they were like, how can I tell them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And I said, what do you mean? And they said, well, if I tell them, they're going to think I'm weak. And I was like, no, I promise you, they're going to think you're strong. And I think we're still redefining and reframing strength in the world today. I think there are some of us who still see bravado and arrogance and chauvinism as being strong.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And I think that's shifting, but it's shifting very slowly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And so it is a cultural expectation as well, societal expectation of strength being this kind of facade. But I think a lot of us are now realizing, well, no, strength is being able to show both sides and open up and be vulnerable. I think the other thing that really comes to mind when I'm thinking about being CEO is I think stress can make people work harder. Mm-hmm.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
but it's the right amount of stress that makes someone work better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And so if I just keep checking in with someone and going, have you done it yet? Are you done yet? Why are we not there yet? Why did the numbers not triple this? If I do that, they're going to feel stress. And they may work harder, but that doesn't mean they work better. That's right. And so to me, the right amount of stress, and I want to ask you this as well,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Talk to me about the difference between good stress and bad stress and how you've been able to harness the right amount when you've got it right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
the number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one place you come to become happier, healthier, and more healed. Thank you so much for tuning in today. Today, I'm so excited because I talked to a really good friend, someone that I respect so highly and admire so deeply, and I've had the fortune of knowing for the last couple of years. I'm talking about David Koh.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
You're so right. What you're... painting a picture of for me is that I look at the good stress being when we all know what challenge we're up against, we know what the goal is and everyone feels supported. And I think what often happens is people don't know what the goal is because you're not helping them do that. They only see the challenge and they don't feel supported.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
So now they don't know where they're going and they feel if they fall flat on their face, they have nothing to catch them. As a leader, the goal is to provide the goal and the support, and then the person can focus on the challenge. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Absolutely. Could you walk me through at Calm? I love this. When I first got introduced to Calm and started taking calls with the teams and I took my role of chief purpose officer, I got integrated into the culture. I loved the little things and the focus on the little things at meetings at Calm, whether they're on Zoom, in person. I want to hear about these smaller things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
the CEO of Calm, the leading app for meditation and mindfulness, and a new author of his book, Recharge, that offers tips for the best mental wellness practices in today's digital world. The book has interviews with rappers, rebels, and innovators as he travels talking about stress, burnout, and feeling drained. If any of you are feeling stressed right now, this episode's for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
that are happening on a daily basis, because I think often companies think they need to put out a thing that says we're focusing on company mental health and they're doing these big things, but Calm internally, let alone the work they do with other companies and workplaces, but Calm internally had some really nice Cultural things that I noticed from the outside in as I was being integrated.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Walk us through some of those daily things that you think create the rituals and practices that help people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
I was going to ask you, how does it impact productivity? And I do think that we've convinced ourselves that if I'm doing more, if there's more on my schedule, if I'm jumping around, we've created our definition of value to be around busy-ness.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And we all feel we're more important, valuable, and it's subconscious. Again, you just think, oh yeah, if I've got a lot to do, then I must be doing something. How do we start to shift that conversation? What have you learned about that? I know you interviewed some amazing people as well, as you were saying inside the book.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
What did you learn about how we can reframe what we believe makes us valuable?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
If you're feeling drained from work right now, this episode's for you. And if you need to recharge, this book and episode is for you. Please welcome to On Purpose, the CEO of Calm, David Koh. David, it's great to have you here. Thank you, Jay, for having me here today. I'm so excited. I'm so excited because I really feel like ever since we met, I felt like we hit it off.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Calling all Nine Niners, now streaming. It's the more better podcast with two episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine fun. Host Stephanie Beatriz and Melissa Fumero welcome two friends and former castmates. Don't miss Gina Linetti herself, the talented Chelsea Peretti, as she sits down to laugh and swap stories.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Remember? And the nine nine nonsense continues in the next episode as the more better amigas sit down with Joe Latrullio, a.k.a. Detective Charles Boyle. There'll be more laughs, more conversation, more stories from the set, and more, more better. Both episodes are now available.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Listen to More Better with Stephanie and Melissa on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And I think for me, it is the old cliche, but it's so true. Like you are only as good as your team. And I do think being a leader means taking care of your team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
In one sense, I feel like that's all a leader actually has to do is be the coach, therapist, support system, or provide and bring those things in for the team. And you almost become a coach. And yes, you're being strategic. Yes, you're being a visionary. But a lot of it is just...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
loving people and supporting people, I find at least, I find like that's what most of my time is taken up doing because everyone has their emotions. And as long as you have smart people that you're working with, then those people are the people that investing in them as humans is allowing them to do what you trust them to do. That's right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Yeah, right away. And I've been fortunate enough to have you interview me so many times. So I'm glad I get to repay the favor this time around. And I wanted to ask you just to get our blood boiling, just to start with some fun. I wanted to ask you, David, what's something that you're not calm about?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
But the thing that's holding them back is usually something emotional or mental. It's rarely professional that people have challenges. And I find it's something they're going through in their personal life. It's a mental block that they have. And if that doesn't get healed and accessed in the workplace, that's going to be the spanner in the works.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Like that's going to be the thing that bottlenecks the process, creates inefficiency, creates a lack of trust. That's right. That's the kind of stuff that gets in the way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Totally. I couldn't agree more. I love gift giving. It's one of my love languages. And you were so kind to bring me a gift today, which was very thoughtful and very useful, and both of which I will use. And the reason I'm saying that is I love giving gifts too. And so, you know, over the years, when it comes around the holidays, I love getting gifts for my team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And for a long time, I'd always be guessing like what everyone wanted. And you assume that something's cool or trending or whatever it may be. And then you start to realize what you just said, people didn't really want that. And then at one point we were like, okay, well then we won't give gifts. We'll just, you know, thank people and whatever else it was.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
But then we were like, no, but people like... People like it. Everyone enjoys it. And so it's so funny. We've started polling over the last few years, like what kind of gift would everyone like? And the number one answer this year was infrared masks. Like, so what are you calling it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
So that was the number one request. And we're like, oh, easy. Now we know what everyone wants. So we're going to get that because it's easier rather than us guessing. And I agree that I do think people inside of organizations today want mental health tools. They want... meditation practices. They want mindfulness opportunities and tools and apps and everything else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
I do believe there is a big demand for that. And I think it's only growing because people are feeling that if you don't have that, you can't have that conversation in the workplace. I think this is the part that I want companies and leaders to understand. If you're not providing tools to support people with their mental health, they don't have a vehicle to talk about it at work.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
If it's available to everyone and they see it come out in the newsletter and the team's available and everyone knows about it, they can say, oh yeah, did you see we're using Calm now? And I've been doing this one and which one have you been doing?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Yeah, I think a lot of people will question listening to us going, well, how does mindfulness or meditation actually help burnout? Or how does it help stress? So that's one thing. And I mean, there's tons of science on that, but I think there's still... So I want you to answer that. And the second thing is, well, how does this affect my productivity, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Like how does it actually get people to do the work that I need them to do? And isn't this just a distraction or slows them down? Because I know a lot of organizations just feel like this sounds good in theory, but how does it help? So if we could talk about how mindfulness and meditation, specifically the programs that exist on Calm, how do they make sense for stress and burnout?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Then how do they make strengths for productivity and performance?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Yeah, no, I can imagine. I read a study that said we process around 72 gigabytes of information per day, which the research likened to reading Tolkien's The Hobbit. Yeah. Every single day, that's nearly 96,000 words. Right, right. And you think about that and you go, no wonder we're overwhelmed. No wonder we're burnt out. No wonder we're stressed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
For sure. Yeah. As you were speaking, I was thinking about how if you have a still mind, right? you actually make quicker, better decisions. And if you have a stressed mind, you actually make slower, worse decisions. And we think, oh, well, if I take time out to be still, I'll lose time. But actually, if you take time out to be still, you'll gain time because you'll make better decisions.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
There'll be more long-term. They won't be rushed and haphazard. And they'll actually be, you'll be a better communicator. I know for a fact that if I'm stressed, I don't communicate as clearly. I can be a bit more like rushed and kind of like, let's hurry this up and short.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Yeah, whereas if I'm rested and I'm still, then actually I'm able to formulate ideas. I can be more tolerant. I can be more patient, which are all the skills you need. And so taking out seven minutes a day doesn't make you slower, it actually makes you faster and better. And something I pulled from your book, these stats were really fascinating for me to read.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
So 61% of people feel expected to just get over stress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
That's unbelievable that 61% of people feel like they're expected to just get over stress. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
It's so interesting what you were saying about your experiences of stress growing up. Mine were the same and they didn't know what it was either. So I would... It's the same things, exams, anything high performance related. I'd feel like my chest got tighter. My heart felt like it wasn't beating the same. I'd get, you know, sweaty palms.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And I remember going to the doctors and they'd wire me up with these monitors, like old school monitors, these big things. I'd have to wear it for 24 hours and I'd go back and they'd be like, oh, he's fine. And I'd be like, but mom, I'm not fine. Like there's something I'm feeling and there was no word for it. And so I can very much relate. And again, my mom didn't know what it was either.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And you have this really brilliant analogy comparing the brain and our mind to a battery. That's right. Walk us through this because I really like this in your book, Recharge, the way you break it down and explain it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And she was trying her best to help, but we couldn't figure it out. And so I got on with it and I always have. And then I was thankful enough to learn mindfulness and meditation many years later that have been my core practices. And now it's not that I don't get nervous before I'm going on stage or a podcast or I still do, but I know what to do. And so I have my breath work.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
I know what I have to lock into. It's not that I don't experience those emotions anymore, but I agree even in a South Asian family, like I don't think that vulnerability was normal from parents. It wasn't common for uncles and aunts to be that way. And so it created a culture of always putting your best foot forward, always always somewhat being performative. That's right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And I think I never subscribed to that. So I started very early on rebelling and just being myself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Yeah, and I started breaking the rules early on that. And I'm grateful that I did, but now I realize it wasn't that I was breaking the rules. I was just expressing my discomfort with having to put up a face or a mask on when everything wasn't okay. And I think that's hard for people to do today where I read another stat that said 33% of people feel too overwhelmed by daily stress to think ahead.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Like when you think about that, it's like, gosh, like, you know, that's what people are under.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Hi, I'm Daniel. I'm a particle physicist and I think our universe is absolutely extraordinary.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
All right. Well, basically, we're both nerds. We love learning about this extraordinary universe and we love sharing what we've learned. So that's what we're going to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
From the tiniest particles to the biggest blue whales.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Learn all about our amazing and beautiful universe on Daniel and Kelly's Extraordinary Universe every Tuesday and Thursday on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Right before we started dating. Wait, but do we have proof he's the dad? Well, the author says there's no confirmation the kid is even his son, but the woman from Facebook has a meeting with her lawyer soon. I think she's going after our money. If the kid is actually my husband's, she would be entitled to it too. So what's the husband got to say about this? This could be his kid.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Well, apparently he broke down in the middle of the living room apologizing, but this is what scared me. His first instinct? if the kid is his son, is to pay the child support but not be an active father in the kid's life because he only wants a family with me, his wife. Oh, this is a mess.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
To hear the explosive finale, follow OK Storytime on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
What was something you shared with them that you feel was challenging, uncomfortable, that led to that breakthrough?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Yeah. What's the most common thing you hear from leaders that they're struggling with in their organizations when it comes to stress and team's mental health?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Yeah, I think one of the reasons why we struggle to recharge is because when your phone's running out of battery, there's only one, well, we're also bad at this. Yeah. There's only meant to be one type of charger. Now, I've seen people charge their phone with their Mac charger. You're destroying your phone, right? You'd see it being charged with the iPad charger.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Food is a charger. Working out is a charger. And people you love being around good relationships are a charger. And if everyone, while you're listening to this, if you could figure out the most common times you feel at 1%, 5%, 10%, 20%, and figure out what's the charge you need for that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Right? Like that's what I think we need to do. Like I'll give an example. I went to an event the other day and I had to fly out of town and come back into town. I got back at like 4 a.m. And I worked out the next day and I felt so weak because I hadn't slept well. Of course. And I hadn't eaten well. And so at that point, I'm glad I still worked out because I needed it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
But I told my trainer I had to get a bit of an easier workout because I didn't want to push myself when I felt weak. Yeah. But it takes little adjustments of figuring out what charge you need right now. Like now I've had a busy week, had a busy weekend. This weekend, I know what recharge means. I need no social plans. Like that's what's going to recharge me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And so I wish everyone could just write down while you're listening to this and while you're reading David's book, Recharge, you write down what are those most common experiences you feel when you feel drained, when you feel overwhelmed, when you feel burnt out. And what is your charger so that you don't have to think about it in the moment?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Because when you're trying to figure it out in the moment, that's when you get more overwhelmed. Like I know before I go on stage, I always practice breath work. If I've had a couple of late nights, I know sleep is the only charge that's going to solve it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Yeah, I kind of do what I call like, what I feel is like a good 80-20. So like, I know five days out of the seven days a week I'm working out. Five days out of seven, I'm meditating before 9am. And then the other two will be meditating after 9am. And I like that balance that I have. Gratitude, something I'm practicing every single day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Yeah, it's such an important one. I think we do something with my team that I love. Every Friday, we'll do a weekly win. And everyone's encouraged to share what they believe is their win. And sometimes what's amazing about this activity is you feel it will always be like, oh, we had so-and-so on the podcast or we won so-and-so award or, and it isn't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
It's actually these little things that people are doing behind the scenes that are not like these grand wins externally.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And they believe that that's been their success. And I think it's a really great way to actually get to know each other because you get to see what people value as success.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And you get to understand what people see as value in the work they do. Whereas we just assume that, of course, if there's a big quarter, then everyone should be excited. And it's like, well, maybe not. Because that's not what they equate as their personal success and contribution. And so doing the weekly wins on Friday is one of my favorite things to do with my team. I love that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
It takes like 30 minutes to do. And everyone just goes around my core team and just shares what was their weekly win. It's huge.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Yeah. I think about it as very simple. I think about it like this, like you're going to spend a third of your life at work. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
learn to get along with your colleagues yeah learn to build relationships with the people you spend nine hours a day with you're going to spend a third of your life with these people you should actually really get to know them yeah you should be able to laugh with them it would be wonderful if you could open your heart with them yeah when we kind of go well works this thing over here and i save all of that for home you're basically saying that 30 of your life is
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
you'll never experience joy. You'll never experience connection. And I don't think that's the world we want anymore. I think we need a world where work can be meaningful and thoughtful and purposeful. And again, going back to what you said, it's not that it will ever be stress-free. That's right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
It's not that it's ever going to be perfect or this utopia or this beautiful place where everything's amazing. But I think one of the things we don't realize is that a lack of productivity stems from a lack of trust. When you have trust and you have interpersonal connection, things move faster. People are not gatekeeping. No one's trying to be a bottleneck.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
No one's looking out for how they can be top dog. There's this feeling of we're all going to win together. And I think... if leaders can start to figure out what that culture is, then people will achieve so much more and they'll be happier. I think, you know, one of my, I would hate to be at the top of a hill with the team and three people like gave up along the way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Two people told me they never want to come back. That's right. I was going to ask you, you've had so much business success before Calm, you're now at Calm. Like walk us through how your views have changed of,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
What is a quality decision? Let's define that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
how you're doing, like you said, because I think sometimes we, I think you also mentioned that we can scale everything up to a 10.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
So everything can feel like it's a 10, it's the worst, or everything can feel like, oh, it's just plain old fine. That's right. And then you don't have much to play with. Whereas when you get a number, walk us through the different breakdowns as you do in the book. Yeah. Because I think when you look at zero to a hundred and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Absolutely. David, it's been such a joy talking to you today. I really enjoyed our dialogue around recharging and I'm so grateful for the work you're doing at Calm because I remember being a analyst at Accenture and I was tasked- I'm sure you were really good. I was okay. I was tasked with teaching meditation in my spare time and mindfulness in my spare time at the company.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And I would travel around and I would do lunchtime sessions and after work sessions and I couldn't scale myself. But now thanks to Calm, not only am I able to scale myself to more people, but we're able to introduce people to so many amazing hosts and narrators that we have on Calm.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
we're very good at feeling zero and maybe a hundred right like if it's your kid's wedding chances are you'll be at a hundred if it's like your kid's birthday like you're at a hundred like there's these joyful blissful moments in life that people experience and we go yeah that was a hundred moment and then we all know what a zero moment feels like you lost a loved one who sadly passed away you you
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And I think inside an organization, you no longer need someone running around the organization physically trying to serve lots of people. You actually have the ability for everyone to tune in. And we end every On Purpose episode with a final five. These questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. So David Coe, these are your final five.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
The first question is, what is the best recharge advice you've ever heard in your life?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
I like that answer. Not the part about me, you're very kind, but because I don't think we realize how draining it is when you're not present. And you gave that great analogy earlier, when you have lots of tabs and apps open, that's when we drain our battery. That's right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And so many of us are draining our battery by thinking, oh, I'm here right now with David, but actually if my mind's over there, I'll get more done. And you're actually depleting your battery. So it's a great answer. Second question, what is the worst thing advice you've ever heard about recharging yourself?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
I love that. Question number four, what are your three favorite ways to power down?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Those are the best days. It doesn't happen very often. I've definitely tried really hard. One thing I've really focused on is when me and my wife are together in the evening for dinner. And then if we are watching a show or something is not bringing the phone to those two things. Because I found myself a lot of the time, like finishing off last emails, messaging while we were having dinner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And then when you're watching a show, you're distracted. Yeah. And then you watch your partner get distracted. And then you're like mad at them for getting distracted. But then when they put their phone down, you've got yours up and they're mad at you for getting distracted. I was like, what are we doing here? And I was starting to notice just my attention span just dropping.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
I've noticed that a lot in the last 12 months, more than any time before. And I've realized so much of it is because of just the speed of consumption. So now it's not even that we're consuming a lot. We're consuming a lot at a really fast rate. And so you're just making it easier for your mind to get two seconds of everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
You lost your job. There's these very zero moments. Walk us through how you break down the zero to 100.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And so for me, I try and make my weekends very phone-free because weekdays I am on my phone. I've also found that even when I'm with my team, if I can have my laptop in the room, but my laptop's not connected to messaging apps, and then my phone's not in the room, I actually find I'm better with my team. So I can still do email. I can still do work on my laptop, but it's not wired up to WhatsApp.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
It's not wired up to text message. I don't need it. And so I've been trying to leave my phone actually out of my hand when I'm not traveling. If I'm going out for work or driving, of course I need my phone. But if I'm in the office... I don't need my phone on me in meetings or in between meetings actually.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And all of this is stuff I'm still working on too because I find myself go through ups and downs with it. There are times when I'm brilliant at it. I also follow you. I don't keep my phone in my bedroom. Don't look at it first thing in the morning.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
But I also have days where I break that completely when I'm traveling. And so I don't want to make anyone feel like I've got it down or perfect because I haven't. And I think it's almost like peaks and troughs. There's always a good day and a bad week and a good week and a bad day. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
That's brilliant. Just being honest. Yeah. Fifth and final question to David Coe. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
I love that. What a great lawyer that would, that would have a big impact on the world. The book. It's called Recharge. I've got interviews with everyone from Randall Park to Macklemore. It's a brilliant book. So fascinating.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
I love the format. I love the format. The format is fantastic. Like you sat down with experts, with rappers, with rebels, innovators, thought leaders, and you put together this beautiful book called Recharge. David, I'm so grateful that you put it together. I'm so grateful we connected.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
David, thank you so much. Is there anything I didn't ask you that you really want to touch on? Something that's on your heart or mind that's calling for you to share? I'd love for you to share it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
How's your battery?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And I'm not just saying this because you're here and I really do mean it. You've recharged my battery too. Like this conversation is, I'd say before you came in today, I was probably at like a 60.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
I've had a lot of social events in the past couple of weeks. Just we had Diwali, which is our... Yes. Beautiful festival every year. We had, there was just so much going on and all good stuff, all stuff I wanted to go to. But I'm very disciplined about my sleep all year round. And at this time of year, I kind of let go a little bit because there are so many wonderful events that I get invited to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And so I've been feeling a bit, and as soon as you came in, you took me from a 60 to a 95 easily. And honestly, it's this conversation because it felt so real, so authentic, so genuine. I felt like, again, you were really present. And I think that's what we don't realize. When you're present with someone, you're charging them up while you're being charged.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And that's such a superpower that often we think, oh, if I'm charging someone else off, I'm losing energy. But that's not true. If you're charging someone else up by being present, you're getting charged up and so are they. And we've both felt that today. And I genuinely felt that today. And honestly, Calm has just been such a brilliant partner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
It's the team I love working with every day, whether it's the content team. the team that we work with in the studio, the team that I get to see once a year, the leadership, everyone walks the talk there. And it's so impressive to me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Because I felt it from the moment I started doing Zooms and meetings with everyone at Calm. And it's remarkable what you're all doing. And I can't wait to be a part of the future. So congratulations. And it's just the beginning. I think we're just getting started. I appreciate it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Thanks for having me on again. Thank you so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
if this year you're trying to live longer live happier live healthier go and check out my conversation with the world's biggest longevity doctor peter attia on how to slow down aging and why your emotional health is directly impacting your physical health acknowledge that there is surprisingly little known about the relationship between nutrition and health and people are going to be shocked to hear that because i think most people think the exact opposite
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Calling all 9-9ers. Now streaming. It's the More Better Podcast with two episodes of Brooklyn 9-9 Fun. Host Stephanie Beatriz and Melissa Fumero welcome former castmates Chelsea Peretti and Joe Latrullio for one episode each to laugh and swap stories.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Listen to More Better with Stephanie and Melissa on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Yeah, no, and I really like that breakdown because I think we're all better when we're measuring things with numbers. There's a specificity there. And I'm one of those people, I think the way your phone is charged says so much about you as a person. So my phone is always charged. I'm very rarely below 30% or 40% on my phone. And I think I try and monitor my personal health in a similar way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
As soon as I feel myself going below 50%, I know it's time for an early night. I know it's time to cancel weekend plans. I canceled a dinner this evening for that exact reason. I got back from work yesterday. I left, I started work yesterday at like 8.30 a.m. And I got back from a shoot at 9.30 p.m. And I knew I had a dinner tonight and I just said, I'm so sorry, I can't make it. Good for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Because I knew I had a busy day today. I was interviewing you, I was interviewing another guest. And I was like, I want to be really present for that. It's really critical stuff. And then I need to recharge using your word. I need to recharge this evening. And... I'm always shifting things to recharge. And I love that idea because I think we hear the word rest. And then sometimes we feel guilty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Yeah, absolutely. I had an experience last week where I went out to dinner and my car was plugged in. So I thought it was charged. And then I was driving to Calabasas, which is somewhat of a drive from here. And I realized I was running on like the reserve. So I was left behind an electric car too.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And so I was like 30 miles left and I got to dinner and I think he had 10 miles left and the journey back was like 40, 50 miles or something like that. And then I was thinking, okay, after dinner, I've got to make it to one of those places. And, and I'm the same. And I was wondering if someone's at a zero, when you ask them, how's your battery?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
And if someone says I'm, I'm at five and I'm talking about emotionally, mentally, not, not their car or their phone. What would you say to them? How would you communicate with them some of these tools when you're at zero?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Yeah, I was going to ask you that actually, because I've always felt that with you. You've always been present with different touch points, whether we're at dinners, events, even when we've traveled and seen each other when we're in New York for a dinner for time earlier this year. you're always present too. And I wonder, how do you do that as a busy CEO?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
Because I think you're so right that when we ask the question, how are you doing? we are subconsciously hoping someone just says, I'm good. We almost ask the question and expect the response even before we have a response. You're so right. Like that really resonated with me. And the truth is sometimes life is fast for most of us, right? Our schedules are back to back to back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
61% of people feel expected to just get over stress. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
3 Ways to Recharge Your Battery & 3 Daily Practices to Reduce Stress by 100% with the CEO of Calm @davidko
We are running from dropping your kid to school, running to work, picking up the laundry, doing the laundry, whatever, right? There's so much going on. How do you actually create space for these conversations?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
In your 30s, as you get older, in your 40s, as an adult, you focus on alignment more than abundance. You've been burned. You're tired of fake friends, flaky plans, and emotional one-way streets. And psychologists call this motivated selectivity. You start prioritizing depth over breadth. Now, that's not a weakness, but it's a surprise. Because when you were younger, you maybe didn't do that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
And maybe that was the reason you got burned, right? How many of you had friends when you were younger and you almost just... were best friends overnight and then you realize that that person, you know, was trying to get with your boyfriend, was needy, was exploiting you in some way, whatever it may have been. So we become more selective as we get older, which there's nothing wrong with.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
But it can feel lonelier at first because you're waiting for deeper connections while only shallow ones seem easy to find. See, the interesting thing is we want a deep connection, but every deep connection started off shallow. Think about that for a second. Every deep connection started off shallow. Now, sometimes you have this instant chemistry, instant spark with someone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Now, that's beautiful when you have that. I sometimes have that with someone on the podcast. That doesn't mean it needs to turn into a full-blown best friend situation, but it's important to realize that that you can't build a deep connection without walking through the shallow. So you have to ask yourself, who have you met recently?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Who have you connected with recently that you haven't put enough effort in with? You know you need to put in effort. Yes, it's going to be exhausting. Maybe the first time, maybe the second time. I promise you by the third time, it's not that exhausting, right? By the third time, it should feel natural. The first time it might be exhausting. Second time it might be exhausting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
We have to push through that because imagine if one of your greatest friends is three hangouts away, right? We're so scared of the exhausting three hangouts that we don't realize that by the fourth time, I'm going to be able to connect with this person. And actually that person becomes someone easy for life. That person becomes someone natural for life that I can go to. It's good enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
It's worth it to sit through the three awkward, exhausting, tiring times to break through that barrier and give it a go. So give it a go. That person that you've connected with recently, reach out to them. Set up a one-on-one hangout, check-in, workout, whatever it is. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. Now, how do we make it much easier? There's something I love. I call it the friction rule. Research in behavioral science shows we do things more when there's less friction, aka less effort.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
So don't try to start brand new routines. Instead, ask, where am I already going that I could add a connection to? If I go to a workout, let me have someone that I go to that workout with, right? If I go for a walk after work, let me find someone I have that walk with. If I love going out for brunch on the weekend, let me add someone to that. So it's the tag along invite.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Next time you're going to the gym, farmer's market, or even errands, text someone. Hey, I'm going here. Do you want to come with me? It's low pressure. It adds connection to something you're already doing. So now it's less exhausting. The exhausting part is when you have to create plans, add plans, make plans, make time. This is something you're doing already.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
It doesn't create friction in your life. That's why it's the no friction rule. Number one, use the no friction rule. To me, this has become one of my secret weapons. I feel like I'm able to spend so much quality time with people without having to make it crazy and without feeling like I'm having to take more time out of my life. Another thing I love is creating micro routines.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
There's a lot of people that I can't see every week. People that I like, people that I actually would like to spend more time with, but I couldn't see them every week because I want to prioritize my time with my wife. I want to prioritize my time on my own. And I want to prioritize my time with my team. So big plans often get canceled.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
When you become an adult, you maybe see your friends once a week if you're lucky for an hour or two. So it's much harder to build that depth. And because of this, we often find it more comfortable to be around old friends, even if we don't connect and don't resonate, compared to new friends who we may have to make more effort with. the number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
But tiny rituals create consistency, which is what friendships actually need to grow as adults, right? So when you were young, you saw someone at school every day. Now, as adults, you're not going to be able to do that. So research shows it takes about 90 hours to form a casual friend and 200 hours to get close. But that time isn't going to happen very quickly as an adult.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
It happened like in one year at school, less than, right? That's the point. You did that in one semester at school. You're not doing that with your adult friends. So try this. Try the mini experiment of a 10 minute touch point. Pick one person you like and set a calendar reminder to text them once a week. You can say, hey, randomly thought of you, just checking in, how's your week?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Do you want to catch up this month? It allows you to keep someone on your radar, they're on yours, and you keep watering the seed. I do this every time I think of someone, I message them. And 99% of the time, I get a message that says, I was just thinking of you too. And I love it when this happens because it makes you realize the people you naturally connect with.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Someone may even say, hey, I just thought of you. You want to go on a walk tomorrow? Hey, I'm going to this event. You want to join me? Hey, I'm going on a hike. Do you want to join me? Like it becomes this really easy way to connect with people. And it takes away the stress and the pressure that we add on to friendships. We often think it has to be a big plan. It has to be really interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
It's the micro routines that win. This is probably my favorite one and one that I've used a lot since moving LA. I call it, say the thing. Sometimes the best way to spark connection is to admit you want it. One study found that people consistently underestimate how much others like them after meeting. This is known as the liking gap.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
We assume we're awkward or annoying, but we're usually way more appreciated than we think. Think about this for a second. When was the last time you connected with someone and you walked away thinking, oh, they probably think... I'm not that interesting. Guess what? That person walked away feeling the exact same thing, unless you're both narcissists.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
And in that case, you walked away thinking that you're the best thing that ever happened to them. But most of us, we doubt ourselves, right? We doubt whether we were interesting enough, whether we were friendly enough, whether we were nice enough, and we overthink that. And then we don't know how we feel about it. So here's what I want you to try out. I want you to try out the honest message.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Send this to someone you kind of know, but want to know better. Hey, I loved our conversation lately. Let's grab some lunch, right? It feels awkward for 10 seconds, but it opens a door. And I promise you, people are looking for this. I recently had an interaction. I was at an event. Someone came up to me. They were saying to me how much they liked my work. I realized I knew of their work.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
They're behind the scenes and they do amazing stuff too. Then we connected on a Zoom call. And for me, it was just so easy. Like I just vibed with this person. And I realized it's so important to wear your heart on your sleeve, right? I wear my heart on my sleeve because I'd rather someone know where I stand with them than keep them guessing and keep myself distant from a great relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
So a lot of this is hard. It does feel weird. But I want you to focus on the one you miss, the one you drifted from, the one you haven't invested in yet. And overall, it's about recognizing that the reason why it's harder to make friends as an adult is because it almost takes longer for that person to get caught up. It's almost like they're meeting you at chapter 30
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
And you're like, wow, now they need to understand chapter one to 30 to understand me. And it's a really tough pressure to put onto someone you just met, right? Even if you told that person your whole life story, they'll never get caught up in one swoop. But guess what? When your parents are in town, get everyone together. When your friends are in town, get everyone together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
When you can start to do that, the person gets an opportunity to piece your story together over time. Now you're not trying to play catch up. And you're also not putting the pressure of saying, hey, only if you understand the first 19 chapters of my life do you understand the 20th. Some people walked into our life in the 20th chapter. And guess what? They're going to be here till our 40th chapter.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the place you come to listen, learn, and grow. My name's Jay Shetty, and I am grateful as ever that you decided to tune in, whether you're driving to work, driving back, walking, walking your dog, working out, cooking, whatever you're up to, thank you for being here right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
They're going to understand us. Give them some grace. Stop putting so much pressure on the new people in your life. The last thing I want to talk about is the need to connect with colleagues. We spend so much time at work. We spend so much time with the people around us at work, but often they're the last people we want to be friends with. Yes, it could be hard. Yes, it could be difficult.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Yes, you may not trust them, but if you can, it's worth investing in one good friend at work. We're going to spend a third of our lifetimes at work. It's important that we feel like we can be comfortable and genuinely ourselves with at least one person. And I promise you, people at work are looking for the same thing. They may want to rush and get home.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
They may have someone at home that understands them better. Of course, they have their own friends. You're not trying to compete. You're not trying to get in the way of another relationship in their life. But if we're going to spend so much time at work, it's important to try and find someone there. And that makes it less exhausting. You're seeing this person anyway.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
You're connected with this person anyway. Make an extra bit of effort and it will go a long way. Thank you so much for listening to today. I hope this helps you reconnect with some people in your life. And I can't wait for you to listen to the next episode. I am always in your corner and I'm rooting for you. Thanks for listening. Hey, everyone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
If you loved that conversation, go and check out my episode with the world's leading therapist, Laurie Gottlieb, where she answers the biggest questions that people ask in therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, and dating. If you're trying to figure out that space right now, you won't want to miss this conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Now, a couple of weeks ago, I posted a TikTok Instagram reel and I was talking about the difference between real friends and fake friends. And it was something I was thinking about for a while now because I started to find that as we get older, we start to think differently about friendships. I remember seeing this quote years ago and it was on a meme and it said, my circle has gone smaller.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
but grown in value. And it showed a large coin that was thinner moving into a smaller coin that was thicker and worth more. And it's just interesting how I think so many of us think about our relationships that way. So in this TikTok and in this reel, I said, real friends clap the loudest when you win, even if they're still waiting for their turn. Think about that for a minute.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Real friends don't get jealous. They don't get envious. That's one of the core traits of a real friend. When they see you win, they see what's possible. When they see you win, they want to know how they can join in and celebrate, how they can make you feel happy, how they can honor what you've achieved. I then went on to say real friends lift you up even when they're carrying their own weight.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
I think so many of us have been this friend. So many of us have these friends that show up for us, even when we know it isn't easy for them. I then said, real friends know your success is a reflection of hard work, not luck.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
When you start to become successful, when you start to make moves, when you start to see some progress, people around you will start to say you're lucky, you're fortunate, you should be grateful. Now, here's the thing. You should feel that way. It's great to feel grateful, fortunate, and lucky when it's for yourself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
But your real friends see and remind you that it was your hard work that paid off. It was your hustle. It was your commitment. It was your dedication. It was the hours that you put in. They saw that. They know that. And they remind you of that. I then went on to say, real friends are happy to see you shine because your light doesn't dim theirs. And real friends do the same back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
But something I've heard from so many of you recently is that making new friends as an adult is exhausting and we want it to be easier, right? We all want to have meaningful relationships. We keep hearing about it in every podcast, in every episode that the quality of your relationships defines the quality of your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
It's the thing that we hold as the highest metric in what makes us feel like we had a good life at the end of our life. Yet, as we grow older, we change jobs, we move countries, we move cities, and it feels as though we don't have the same friends around us. Or some of us may have the same friends around us and we haven't moved, but we've grown, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
You may not have moved city or moved country, but you've moved on. And so that group of friends that you grew up around doesn't feel like your people anymore, right? For me, I've moved so much, right? In my years of being an adult, I've lived in India. I've lived in New York. I've lived in LA. I have moved around a lot.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
And one thing that I knew I had to do as I was moving was prioritize building community, building friendships. As much as I focused on building my career, wherever I went, I made it a priority to build community. And the reason was because I didn't want to be lonely. I didn't want to end up feeling like I'd achieved all my goals, but that I didn't have anyone to share it with.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
I didn't want to feel like I'd achieved what I wanted to do, but I didn't have people that I had memories with. And so today's episode is for anyone who's thinking about making friends as an adult, but finds it exhausting and wants it to be easier. So I want to start with this first of all. If you feel like it's exhausting to make friends as you get older, you're not imagining it. It's true.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
It's actually harder. Researchers have actually studied this. A massive 2020 meta-analysis found that friendship networks start shrinking after your mid-20s. Not because you're doing anything wrong, but because life just changes. Work ramps up, people move, family becomes more central, you have kids to think about, right? You have family members to worry about.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Social psychologist Robin Dunbar says, we can only maintain about 150 meaningful relationships. And to be honest, that sounds exhausting in and of itself. But they go on to say, we can only have five close friends. And in our 30s, sometimes those five people just become our partner, our kids, and one of our parents, or maybe two of our parents. And so that number five is so limited.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
And by the way, this is natural. Your social energy gets stretched thinner. You got to think about work. You got to think about responsibilities. So first of all, it's really natural. It's not because there's something wrong with you. It's not because you made a mistake. It's not because you're weak, right? So here's a mini experiment that I want to share with you for this one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Ask yourself this question. Who do I miss? I call this the who do I miss test. Ask yourself, who have I thought about lately and wished I saw more of? Who's that person in our life that we actually have a lot of good memories with? And maybe they've moved. Maybe we've moved. Maybe we don't see each other as much. Maybe they got a new job. Maybe you had a kid. Who's that person you genuinely miss?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Who's that person that you have so many good memories with, but it's just been a while? Here's what I want you to do. I want you to text them. Text that person and say, hey, I miss seeing you. Should we grab a quick coffee? Should we go for a walk? Or if you live far away, do we need to arrange something? You know, it doesn't need to be a huge plan.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
You can start small, even with a Zoom or a FaceTime, but reconnect with the one person who already gets you. I think so often we think we have to have new friends. We think we have to move on, but there's someone in your life who deeply gets you, who already knows your heart, who can already read in between the lines. I reconnected with some of my high school friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
And it's really interesting because when you enter high school with someone, you just have a shorthand. And I think there's a mistake we make with this mindset as well. We think that our old friends were our real friends and our new friends are not real friends. The difference is time. When you were young, you spent every hour at school with this friend.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
You then probably came home and spoke to them on the phone or texted them, messaged them, maybe even went out with them. We were spending around nine hours a day minimum with someone. And that's how we became friends over three, five, seven, eight years of our life. When you become an adult, you maybe see your friends once a week if you're lucky for an hour or two.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
So it's much harder to build that depth. And because of this, we often find it more comfortable to be around old friends, even if we don't connect and don't resonate, compared to new friends who we may have to make more effort with. I think that's part of where the exhausting thing comes from, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
It's like with new friends, you got to show up, you got to make plans, you feel like you can't just be on your phone, you can't just lay back, it actually requires something of you. Have you ever wondered if your pet is lying to you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
And I think this is principle number two. I want you to recognize that your brain has become more guarded now. See, when you're younger, your brain's more plastic, more open to novelty. But by your 30s, your brain actually becomes more risk-averse. According to neuroscience research, your amygdala, the part of your brain that handles fear, lights up more when meeting new people as you age.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
We become more cynical, more skeptical, more doubtful. Why? Because you now have more experiences of rejection, of awkwardness. Maybe people stabbing you in the back, mistreating you, people not being loyal. So your brain tries to protect you by making you avoid potential discomfort. So it's not just you being antisocial, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
You might be thinking, hey, I just feel like I'm becoming more of an introvert. I feel like I'm being more antisocial. No, it's your brain playing defense, right? That's what's happening. You're being more defensive. And this is natural again. But what does that do? It means we spend less time and more skeptical time with new people. And we assume that we can't make good friends anymore.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
I want you to try something out. Here's a mini experiment. I call it the two minute rule. Next time you're in a new space, like an event, a workout class, a friend's dinner, a friend's birthday, just make a two-minute connection. Compliment someone. Ask a question. Say one friendly sentence. No pressure to make a new bestie, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
You're just training your brain to stop seeing socializing as a threat. smile at someone in the line, start a conversation with someone while you're waiting in line, whatever it may be. And by the way, it may feel weird at first, but you start to realize how everyone's craving it. Everyone is craving connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Everyone around you wants to connect with someone, wants to break out of their mold, is looking for friends. That's what I've realized. As adults, more of us are looking for friends than we believe. It's just that everyone's acting too cool. Everyone's acting like they don't need it. Everyone's acting like... You know, it's just not what they're looking for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
And because of that, we start to think, oh, well, you know, why am I the one putting in effort? So it's just something to think about. I want you to pause for a second and ask yourself, when have you actually had someone in your life that you drifted away from? Someone that you may not even have a reason. And maybe there was a hidden reason
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
Sometimes we've disconnected from someone because of a hidden reason. You didn't really have a falling out. You didn't really stop talking, but you stopped talking if you know what I mean. And it's so important to figure out what the root of that was. Because sometimes it's harder to make new friends and it's exhausting. And it can be easier to reconnect with with an old friend.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Why Making New Friends Feels Exhausting As An Adult (And How to Make It Easier)
So this may not be someone you miss. It may not be someone you think about, but it's someone you drifted away from, but you really don't know why. Now, something that happens with new friends as we get older is you're more selective now, and that's not a bad thing. In your 30s, you care more about alignment than abundance of friends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
Greatness is the discipline you developed. Greatness is the energy you harnessed. Greatness is the effort you put in. Greatness is the skills you learned, the iterations you made, the improvements and changes you worked hard to deliver on. That's greatness. So visualize that process. I would program when I lived in the monastery, what I wanted my thoughts to be in the morning. I see it as coding.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
At night, I would code my mind to say, I will wake up fresh, healthy, energized, and enthusiastic to meditate. And whenever I would do that and set that intention at night, I saw that it programmed and coded my mind to wake up with that in the morning. And if I decided to skip that, I could force myself to feel that in the morning, but it was so much easier to code that the night before.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
You set your alarm the night before to wake you up the next morning. You don't set it when you want to wake up. You set your intention, you set your coding, you set your energy the night before. Visualize the process, visualize yourself doing the hard things, visualize yourself strengthening your body, lifting those weights, going on that run, starting that podcast, recording an episode.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
Visualize the parts that are the hard parts. because those are the parts that your life will be made up of. Visualize the discomfort, not the comfort, because that's what your life will be made up of. Visualize the hard, not the easy, because that's what your mind and heart and life will be made up of. Now, when we talk about visualization, people often talk about vision boards.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
I'm a big fan of vision boards. Why? Because again, we're giving data to the mind. When I was growing up, I remember my wall was covered in lyrics, posters of rappers, music, lines from interviews. It was surrounded. I was fully immersed by musicians, lyricists, poets. I would stick up all their stuff with tack on my wall.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
My mom, it drove her crazy because it would ruin the wallpaper or the paint or whatever she had under it. But I loved it. And what happened, that was my life. Everything that I said sounded lyrical. Everything that I felt affected me. Everything I listened to was transforming my life. That's what vision boards are. They're not an activity you do for two hours and then just stick it up there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
It's something that allows you to immerse. And it's also picking things that really motivate you. I think sometimes we do a vision board very theoretically, but does that specific thing, does that specific feeling mean something to you? And if it is just a thing, a material thing, we have to realize what does it stand for? What am I really looking for?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
Because sometimes you're not really wanting that car. You're wanting confidence. You're not really wanting that home. You're wanting safety. Let's think about that for a second. You don't just want that car. You want confidence that you think comes with that car. You don't want that home. You want safety that you believe comes with that home. You don't just want that business.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
You want the self-esteem that you believe comes from that business, building it. And so as you're creating your vision board, it's important that you also create a verbal board, a verbal board of the emotions that you're hoping those things translate into. This is the biggest mistake people make with vision boards. They only have things. And then when they get the thing, they're unhappy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
And when they don't get the thing, they're unhappy. But when you recognize that that thing represented a deeper feeling that you were craving, that you were chasing, that you were pursuing, that becomes a worthy pursuit. Pursuing confidence is greater than pursuing the car, and the car will come anyway. Pursuing safety is greater than pursuing that home, and the home will come anyway.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
a verbal board of the emotions that you're hoping those things translate into. The number one health and wellness podcast.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
Pursuing joy and abundance will attract more than pursuing a material thing that may look like it stands for that. As much as you pursue and have a vision board, have a verbal board of emotions, an emotional vocabulary that you're pursuing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
Our purpose in life is to pursue that vocabulary, is to pursue those emotions, is to pursue those feelings and figure out where they come from and where they arise. The next step as you're manifesting is is you have to ask yourself, what's multiplying in my life? So what's going well? Because you need to zone into that. I think a lot of the time we only focus on what's going wrong.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
And when you only focus on what's going wrong, you're not able to double down on what's going well. So first start with what's multiplying in my life? What's cascading? What's just growing in my life and doing extremely, extremely well? And then what's actually needing to be subtracted from my life? And then what do I need to edit in my life?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
One of the things I love, which I learned about through speaking to some of my friends who are therapists, is the 7-7-7 method. The 777 method involves writing down what you are trying to manifest seven times in the morning and seven times at night for seven days in a row. Again, what are we doing here? What we're doing is we're programming your mind to be focused.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
We're programming your energy to be directed. I speak to so many people who say, Jay, I want to start a podcast. I want to start a business. And when I say to them, well, what have you been reading about for the last seven days? They go, politics. I go, got it. All right. Well, that doesn't align. There isn't alignment there. Someone will say to me, Jay, I really want to write a book.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
And I go, great. What have you been reading recently? What have you been learning about recently? And they say, oh, I've just been watching the football. And I go, okay, well, that doesn't align. Gandhi said it best. He said that you experience harmony when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in alignment. And I think a lot of us are misaligned.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. Here we are, week two of the year. And I really, really hope that you're feeling clear about your goals this year. I hope you're feeling clear about what you're trying to manifest this year. Last week, I gave you the hacks, the habits, the tools, the practices in order to make sure you achieve your goals. I gave you my tried and tested proven method.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
And so I want you to really reflect on how are you spending your free time? Is your free time, does it sound like the life you wanna live? When your free time becomes immersed in the life you want to live, your non-free time becomes that life. And so you want to practice. You actually want to build that skill.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
You want to build that life that you so want to live in that free 30 minutes you have per day, rather than say, I really want to do that, but that's not what I'm focused on. I really want to build that, but that's not where my energy is. And I think so many of us are living a misaligned life and that's actually what's causing our challenges.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
Our stress and challenges are not created because we don't have good intentions, we don't have goals, we don't have clear ideas. It's because our energy and our focus are misaligned and distracted. You can't attract the life you want if you live a distracted life. You can't create alignment if you're living a misaligned life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
If your energy is all over the place and your focus is dispersed, it won't suddenly shift into feeling like an arrow. It just doesn't work that way, right? It doesn't work that way. If you're shooting lots of arrows, Or if you're looking everywhere, like let's say you're saying, this is how it actually goes. You're saying, I want this arrow to hit the bullseye.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
I want it to hit that red dot in the middle. But I'm actually looking around at the leaves. I'm looking around at the trees. I'm looking around at the person over there who's kicking a soccer ball around, football. I'm looking over that side because someone's playing with their child. I'm looking over that, you know, it's like, but my energy is so distracted. How can I attract that goal?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
And then by the way, when you take the shot, you miss the target. Every ounce of our being has to be focused and fixated on that target. And you say, well, Jay, how can I? Because I have so many other responsibilities. And you're right, you do. And you have to do all those responsibilities. But at the same time, you're thinking about that target.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
You're thinking about how what you're learning here applies to that target. You're not seeing it as a space of friction, like these things are against each other. You're actually saying, if I solve that target, I'll actually be better at all these things I'm distracted by. right? I'll actually make better decisions.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
I was saying this to a friend recently where he was trying to solve something for his family and he's also trying to build his business. And I said, well, if you build that business, you'd be able to solve that problem for your family.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
But while you think you're trying to solve the problem for your family, you're actually just creating longer term issues because you're not solving the root of the problem. Often, if you look at a tree, you can try and spray the leaves, you can take care of the branches. But if we're not watering and nourishing the roots, It's not going to survive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
One of my other favorite methods is keeping books open in random places. A book near my bedside table, which is all about sleep. A book on my office table, which is all about creativity. A book in my living room, which is all about community and relationships. Even if you read one paragraph while you're walking through that room, I promise you it's enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
I've spent years reading, you know, trying to read a book a day, trying to read a book a week. It's been amazing. I've learned a lot, but that's just not practical for most people. But if you just read one paragraph a day, one line a day, here's the thing. You can read a whole book and it won't change your life until you live one line. Read one line of a book and try to live it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
Then read the next line and try to live it. Not only will this make you want to read the next line, it will make you realize how powerful every line is. And you won't just understand it, you'll have realized how knowledge can transform your life because you applied it. Read, study, apply. Read, study, apply. Read, study, apply. Read, study, apply. Apply what you're reading.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
Keep books open in random places. Read one line. I promise you, if you keep them open on a page, your eyes will be drawn to it rather than this idea of, well, I'm scrolling on my phone, walking through this place, books on a shelf, haven't opened it, don't know what the first page is about, right? It just, you keep putting it off. This is how manifestation works.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
And today, I want to give you that shift in your mindset. See, achieving your goals is both an external and an internal aspiration and method. What I mean by that is externally, you need the strategies, the steps, the habits, the hacks, the tools, everything I gave you last week. And what you need today is
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
You're surrounding yourself in that space with the energy that you want it to have. Remember, as I said in Think Like a Monk, location has energy, time has memory. And the final step I want to share with you today is write things down on post-it notes near your mirror, your bedside, and on your laptop.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
Those affirmations, those belief systems, the ideas, they have to be around you so that your subconscious is just absorbing them like a sponge. Our subconscious is like a child. It absorbs whatever atmosphere it's in. And what ends up happening is we often say, oh, when I'm at home, that's when I get immersed, but when I'm at work, I'm not there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
We want to stay connected and rooted to that energy at all times throughout the day. I really hope, actually, I know this will help you manifest the life that you desire. If you practice these principles, share them with me on Instagram, on TikTok, share your clips, share your stories. I want to see what you're learning, how you're growing this year. I'm with you all the way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
I'm with you all the way. I'm rooting for you. I'm forever in your corner. We're building this together. 2025 is your year. This is the year. On Purpose is going to help you there. I'm going to help you get there. Stay committed. Stay connected here. And I'll be back. Thank you so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
If you loved this episode, you will also love my interview with Charles Duhigg on how to hack your brain, change any habit effortlessly, and the secret to making better decisions.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
is the mindset, the internal belief system, the ability to visualize, to create from within your mind. The power that exists within our mind is so underestimated and so underrated. And a lot of people will discard it as woo-woo or they'll discard it as esoteric or whatever it may be. But the truth is there's enough research now to prove that the power of the mind is unbelievable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
And I think we watch people do incredible things every day, whether it's athletes, musicians, singers, performers. We have to recognize that the ability to stretch and build our minds to achieve incredible Unbelievable things exist within all of us. And today I want to walk you through that manifestation mindset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
If you are going to make this year the year that you attract what you deeply desire and want in life, then I want to help you get there through the right mindset. Sometimes you can get somewhere by pushing and sometimes you get somewhere by feeling pulled. I want you to have both inside your toolkit. right? I think we know we need to push forward. We need to work hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
I'm not going to sit here and say, hey, you'll just receive and you'll just attract. I don't believe in that. And I don't think that's a healthy idea to have out there. At the same time, I know lots of people who keep pushing, but they never feel pulled by what they're building. So let's start with step one of the manifestation mindset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
Step one is deeply know why you want what you want and how are you going to use it to serve and improve the lives of others. This is such an important point that is often overstepped. We always make it about us. And just think about that for a second. When you make something about you and you alone, you've actually limited the energy. Manifestation is all about abundance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
It's about creating beyond. It's about impacting beyond. Peter Diamandis put it best. He said, I want to redefine the word billionaire to be someone who impacts a billion people. That's really what someone's doing. When someone creates something large, big, Humongous. They've done it because they've affected a lot of people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
They've directly or indirectly improved the lives or affected the lives of lots of people. And therefore, the size of their success is equivalent to the size of the problem they've solved. If our only why is to solve our problem, which by the way, in the beginning, survival is totally fine as a method of manifestation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
But if we can extend it a little bit further, for it to be about improving the lives of others, for it to be about representing and creating an impact, for it to be about service, incredible things can happen. So think about it. Are you trying to change the life of your kids? Are you trying to change the life of your partner or your parents? Are you trying to change the life of your community?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
Are you trying to inspire future generations? It's not that you think you're that big. It's not that you think you're that important. It's that you know you're being driven by more than just numbers and data. I think so many people give up on their goals because their only motivation is to do it for themselves. And their only motivation is to provide for a limited capacity.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
But if we truly want to align with abundance, we also have to think abundantly. Now, how do we do this? Step number two is mastering the subconscious moments. There are two times of the day where we're most in our subconscious. that state between being awake and being asleep.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
Notice how when you're just about to fall asleep, maybe having a conversation with someone, you're talking to someone and you can still hear your voice, but you can hear it get quieter and then slowly it turns off. Or in the morning when you wake up and you allow yourself to just settle for a few moments and You haven't fully opened your eyes. You haven't grabbed for your phone yet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
You know you're awake and you're not fully asleep. These two times of the day are such a powerful time to manifest because what we're doing is we're planting ideas deep in our subconscious that then have the ability to grow fruits and bear fruits as they grow throughout the day. So what I've been practicing for a few years now is that in these subconscious moments, I will implant my affirmations.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
And so I will affirm the mindset I want to live by. I am living a life of service and impact. I'm doing it because I believe that everyone deserves the tools. And I am so grateful to have the opportunity to share it with billions of people across the world. When you use those moments, what happens is that cynical, doubtful part of you is a bit quieter.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
That part of you that's always challenging, maybe even having negative self-talk towards your ideas is a little bit more silenced. And you have the ability almost to sneak past that cynical guard. And plant that thought. And all you have to do is just stop yourself from reaching for your phone for that 30 seconds to one minute.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
Have three affirmations that you've rehearsed, that you know off by heart, that you remember to say just in that moment. And hey, by the way, when you first start this, you're going to get it wrong. You're going to reach for your phone. And what I want you to do is just let go of your phone and maybe even make it the background of your phone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
Make your three affirmations the background of your phone. So you see them, put your phone down, close your eyes again, and read them to yourself. I am followed by whatever it is that you wish to be, that you wish to become. Now, what does this do? It's not magic in the sense that all of a sudden you wake up and the thing you asked for is there. That's not how manifestation works.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
What we're doing is we're training our subconscious that is already being pulled towards a negativity bias that's already being distracted by everything else that's going wrong, right? What we find for a lot of us is we want to solve the easiest issue even if it's not the deepest issue, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
You want to solve the problem that makes you feel like you're busy as opposed to solve the problem that actually makes your life easy. It's really interesting. And our mind does the same thing. It rushes towards the things we can solve and make us feel productive, even though the thing we're actually trying to solve is something we're ignoring.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
And in these subconscious moments, you get to rewire that. You get to rewire your attention your energy and your focus subconsciously towards the things that really matter, towards the things that you want to be immersed in. If you say that in the morning, I promise you when it gets to midday, you'll still be thinking of it subconsciously and you'll actually make the right decision.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
If you repeat, I am happy, I'm healthy and I'm healing, you will make choices that day to be happier, to be healthier, to be healing. But when the mindset we wake up with is, oh God, I'm just so tired. I'm just exhausted. I just, I wish I didn't have to go to work today. Now that's what you're feeling throughout the day. I call it the rule of your most repeated thought.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
You will manifest your most repeated thought. You can even monitor, this is step three, what are your most repeated words to someone? If someone says, hey, what are you excited about for this year? And your answer is, oh, I don't know really. I haven't really thought about it. And you keep saying that. What ends up happening? You keep saying it and you keep thinking it and you keep believing it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
What we say, we think, we believe. What we think, we say it and then believe it. Our beliefs are based on what we think and say consistently and repeatedly. your most repeated thought becomes your reality. The thought that you say the most, the thought that you think the most is the thought that you will believe the most.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
And some of the things we've said to ourselves for weeks, months, years, and decades define our trajectory without us even knowing. We have to shift at a subconscious level to transform our reality. I know you can do this. I believe you can do this. And when you repeat these affirmations and these thoughts, I want you to mean it in your mind. I want you to feel it in your heart.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
And I want you to believe it in your body. It's really key. And in these subconscious times, you're actually able to do that. Mean it in your mind, believe it in your body, and feel it in your heart.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
Step four, visualize the process, not the result. I'll explain what I mean. If I ever say to someone, hey, close your eyes and visualize who you want to be, where you want to be. We often visualize the podium, not the process. We visualize winning, not training. You visualize achieving, not building. You visualize the ending, not the starting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
You don't just want that car. You want confidence that you think comes with that car. You don't want that home. You want safety that you believe comes with that home. You don't just want that business. You want the self-esteem that you believe comes from that business, building it. And so as you're creating your vision board, it's important that you also create a verbal board.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
If you want manifestation to work for you, if you want to attract the life that you truly desire, it's about visualizing the process not perfection. So many of us waste so much time and energy focused on what it will look like when we get there. And while it's important to feel that in our body, it's more important to also train ourselves to visualize the process, waking up early, meditating,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
4 Simple Manifestation & Visualization Hacks to Help Achieve Your 2025 Goals
working on our health, building that skill? What does that look like? Because that's the life we have to live. We have to visualize the life we have to live in order to get to the place we want to be. And it's the life that we live that makes us great enough. That's what greatness is. Greatness is not achieving the trophy or winning the award or getting top of the list. That's not greatness.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
And my favorite, favorite, favorite technique is called the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. In this technique, when you're feeling stressed and your head is spinning, try this out. Five things you can see. Observe the colors, the shapes, the sizes, the shades. Look around at five things you can see. What are four things you can touch? Notice the textures.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Is something harsh or is it soft? Is it rough or is it seamless? And at the same time, is it cool? Is it warm?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Allow the sense of touch. to bring you into the present moment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
What are three things you can hear right now? What are two things you can smell? And what's one thing you can taste?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
What's so important about this is you can bring yourself back to the present moment with the simple 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique. And why is this even more powerful when it comes to rest? You automatically feel like you've taken a little break. You've made yourself aware of your surroundings and brought yourself into the moment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
try it out because all the studies show that mindfulness reduces anxiety by up to 58%. The Journal of Psychology in 2020 found that mindfulness reduces anxiety by up to 58%. Imagine if you were 58% less anxious. What could you achieve? What could you do? Who would you be? A simple 5-4-3-2-1 technique can bring you back into your body and make your mind feel rested.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
What I'm sharing here are really simple, actionable, practical techniques that you can start doing right now. These are simple practices that any and all of us can easily experience today. One of my favorites, the next one, is tech-free zones. This is something I recommend to parents with young kids, and it's even something I recommend to couples.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Study by Sleep Health in 2018 found on improved sleep and reduced anxiety with less screen exposure. Establish one hour per day as tech-free and one zone in your home as tech-free. So let's say the kitchen table, the dining table is always tech-free. That is your tech-free hour to sit, connect, talk to your partner, eat, digest your food, spend time with your family. And make it meaningful too.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Hey, thank you so much for coming back to On Purpose to listen, learn, and grow. Today's episode, as you know it, is all about finding that reset, finding that deep rest, that boost that we so need. Let me start by asking you a question. When was the last time you truly felt rested? that you truly felt relaxed. You truly felt free. Not just sleep, but real, genuine rest.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Don't just make it a negative, i.e. we can't use technology here. Make it a positive. Maybe you're going to discuss the funniest TikTok you saw today and you have to describe it to each other without showing it. Maybe you're going to talk about something that happened as a highlight in each of your days today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Maybe you're going to take this opportunity to share something you really appreciate about each other. This habit boosts energy and makes us feel rested in the most incredible ways. We are overwhelmed. We are over-consuming. We are over-subscribed. And therefore, we are exhausted.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
If you had one hour of your day that was tech-free and one zone in your home that was tech-free, you would feel so much more rested on a daily basis. You would find a whole new influx of energy that you never knew existed before. And so many of us are missing out on this. So many of us don't realize the value of this because we can't remember the last time we were without our phones for an hour.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Just an hour in the day. It could be in the morning. It could be in the evening. Whatever works for you. But it will give you such a break. Give it a go. And for those of you who really want to take it to the next level, nature exposure. A Stanford University study in 2015 found that nature walks significantly lower anxiety and depression.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Last night, me and Radhi went on a one-hour walk in the evening. And I can truly say that it was so beautiful. I rested better. I felt calmer. It was a great end to the day. And hey, I can't do that every single day. I can't do an hour walk every single day. But an actionable tip is a 10-minute walk outside daily. A 10-minute walk outside will relax you more.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Movement can actually help you rest if it's outdoors and you're allowing yourself to just experience nature, whether it's looking at trees, admiring the birds, whatever it may be. These are simple habits to find rest and refuel throughout the day. As you're waiting and looking forward to that vacation, as you can't be more than excited about it, this is a really, really simple step.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Now, we've talked about the practical habits, but let's talk about the shame and guilt of rest again. Maybe your parents never rested. Maybe they're always working. Maybe they'll put pressure on you to do the same. Maybe you're scared of falling behind. Well, whatever it is, here's the reality. You're more likely to fall behind if you never rest.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
You're more likely to lose focus if you never take a break. You're more likely to be less productive and efficient if you don't refuel. Recovery is part of an athlete's strategy. Recovery is part of an athlete's ability. You've got to be good at recovery in order to be good to play.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
So for those of you that want to win, that want to hustle, that want to achieve more than everyone else, imagine what you could do with rest. Not overindulgent rest, not laziness, but the ability to refuel, refine and renew will actually make you more successful and effective. Now, for those of you that feel you have to earn it,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
that feel that you don't deserve it, that feel that there's shame and guilt attached to it, ask yourself, where does that come from? Did you always feel that if you didn't work hard, you were lazy? Did you feel that people who take breaks are less effective and productive? What was it for you? Get to the root of it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
And as I was saying, for a lot of us, it's just shame and guilt of, I haven't earned it. I don't need it. I've got to do something for everyone else. So many of us are good at solving everyone else's problems, but not paying attention to our own. So this is a way and this is your reminder. It's just something your body needs. Think about your laptop when it's on low battery again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
It will remind you to never compromise on rest. Rest is productive. Rest is effective. Rest is a necessity, not a luxury. When you compromise your rest, you compromise everything else. You can't bring your best to everything if you didn't make time to rest. I want you to remember that. I hope that helps you. I hope it serves you. And I hope it makes a difference in your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
And I'm so grateful that we got to spend this time together today. Thank you for listening. Thank you so much for listening to this conversation. If you enjoyed it, you'll love my chat with Adam Grant on why discomfort is the key to growth and the strategies for unlocking your hidden potential. If you know you want to be more and achieve more this year, go check it out right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
That low heart rate, that calm, that deep breath naturally. I want you to try and lock into it right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Inhale and exhale. We all need rest.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
But in our hustle-centric culture, it's become harder and harder to find deep rest. And in our stressful schedule, it can be so manic to try and find rest or a boost of energy even in the day. It's become so hard that in the United States, a significant number of workers don't fully utilize their annual paid vacation time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
According to a 2024 study, 62% of Americans with paid time off did not use all their vacation days, with 5.5% not taking any time off at all. Access to paid vacation varies across different sectors. In 2024, 88% of full-time employees had access to paid vacation, whereas only 40% of part-time employees had the same benefit. But here's the interesting part.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
The underutilization of vacation time is often attributed to workplace culture. A Pew Research Center survey found that more than 4 in 10 US workers don't take all their paid time off, with reasons including concerns about falling behind at work or feeling guilty about co-workers taking on additional work.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
And this trend obviously highlights the importance of encouraging a healthy work-life balance and promoting the use of earned vacation time to support employee well-being. Now, here's the top line. We all need vacations. We all need breaks. And I encourage you to take those. And at the same time in this episode, I want to give you practical, actionable steps to find that break.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Find that relief in the everyday. While you're building up and waiting for that vacation, it's so important to find that rest in your day. We all know that there's a big impact and correlation between daily rest and productivity, mental health, and physical health. Harvard Business Review in 2019 found that regular breaks increase productivity and creativity by up to 40%.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Just think about that for a second. If you were 40% more productive and more creative, what could you achieve? What would the difference be in your output? What would the quality of your output be? That's nearly half more productive and creative. You could save half the time that you spend struggling, feeling overworked, feeling overwhelmed, feeling stressed to actually be more effective, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Think about that, 40% more productive and creative, right? And according to the American Psychological Association, just 15 to 20 minutes of daily rest can reduce stress hormones significantly. Just 15 to 20 minutes. But as I said earlier, we're blocked by something. We're blocked by the shame and guilt. Do we deserve rest? Have we earned it? Have we done enough?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
We're worried that our co-workers may take on more work. And some of us are worried that when they travel, we take on more work. So we're blocked by these ideas, these mindsets that we've created that we need to let go of, that we need to push away. Because without rest, without recovery, it's extremely, extremely difficult to make a difference.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
So imagine if 15 to 20 minutes a day could change everything. And imagine if you had 40% more creativity and productivity, what could you achieve? But where does that pressure come from? The fact that we think we need to achieve rest is the challenge. That's the problem. The fact that we believe we need to earn rest. Rest is not something you earn. It's something you need.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
It's something you actually need. It's almost like saying, does your phone get charged when it's earned the charge? No, it's used energy and therefore it needs to charge. You don't look at your phone and say, you've earned a recharge today. You've deserved a refuel today. You've worked for it, right? You've worked so hard today. I'm going to put you on charge.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
No, we know that our phone needs charging. We're aware that our phone needs recovery. We're aware that our phone needs an update or a refuel or whatever it may be. But so many of us will spend so much time and energy feeling shameful and guilty for giving ourselves a break, for giving ourselves a moment of rest or recovery. I want you to remove that guilt. I want you to remove that shame.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
You don't deserve rest. You didn't earn it. You need it. Your body physically needs it. Your mind mentally needs it. Your soul spiritually needs it. Your emotions need it, right? We actually need it. So I want to start there and I want you to almost repeat after me, rest is something I need, not something I need to earn. Rest is something I need, not something I need to earn.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Rest is something my body needs, not something I need to earn. We need to get really, really clear on that and Because when we get clear on that, we don't cancel our vacations. We don't skip rest. We don't compromise on sleep because we realize our body and mind need it. Now, what I want to share with you are some practical tips as to how you can do that in your day to day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
As you're building up towards a vacation, as you're looking forward to something in the summer, what do you do on a weekly and daily basis? Here's one that's really important. I want you to set a habit. of a micro break. Think about your calendar. In your calendar, you're constantly putting in meetings. And if your calendar looks anything like mine, it's meeting after meeting after meeting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Here's an actionable tip. Every 60 to 90 minutes, take a two to five minute break and put it in your schedule. Literally put a scheduled five minute break in your calendar every 60 to 90 minutes. And in this break, you're going to walk, look out of a window, and you're going to drink some water. You're going to get hydrated.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
You're going to look out into the distance, not look at your phone, look outside of a screen. and you're gonna walk, you're gonna move. Whether you're booking your next trip or planning a quick weekend escape, Chase Sapphire Reserve is your ultimate travel companion. Today, we're diving into the travel experience and let me tell you, there's a lot to love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
When you're out exploring new destinations, one of the most rewarding parts of the journey is not just the places you visit, but the experiences you have along the way. Whether you're grabbing a bite at a hidden gem of a restaurant or jetting off to a dream destination, every step of the adventure should feel like a reward. That's where Chase Sapphire Reserve comes in.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Traveling is all about convenience, comfort, and making the most of your time. Whether it's finding the best hotel for a last-minute trip or getting a table at that exclusive spot you've been eyeing for months. And with Chase Sapphire Reserve, everything from booking flights to dining out is made even better. It's like having a trusted travel companion that makes sure you're always taken care of.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Think about it. No more stressing about where to stay, what to eat, or what perks you might be missing out on. With Chase Sapphire Reserve, the experience is seamless. You can simply focus on the fun parts of travel, like discovering the best food spots, exploring new cities, or just having the most relaxing vacation you deserve.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
If you want to learn more about how Chase Sapphire Reserve can transform your travel experience, head to chase.com forward slash Sapphire Reserve. No matter your destination dreams, Chase Sapphire offers exclusive rewards and experiences so you can explore the world your way. Discover more with Chase Sapphire Reserve. University of Illinois found that brief breaks dramatically boost focus.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
A lot of us say to ourselves, okay, I will wait till the end of the week. I'll wait till the end of the month. I'll wait till the end of the quarter. And sometimes you can be waiting forever. We have to train ourselves to create regular breaks. And I would even argue that when you're planning your year out, you need to schedule your vacation time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
even if it's a long weekend, even if it's just a day break, whatever it's going to be for you, we need to schedule it out. You need it every quarter to take a small break. You need that vacation once a year, right? To be totally switched off. It makes a huge difference. The second one that's been huge for me is intentional breathing exercises.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
One of my favorite actionable tips is the box breathing technique, where you inhale for four seconds, you hold for four seconds, you exhale for four seconds, and you hold for four seconds. Let's try it out together. Inhale, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. Out, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four. A simple exercise like that, the NIH research shows it immediately reduces cortisol.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
Sometimes what's really interesting about our overwork and not taking a break is our cortisol levels are going through the roof. The reason we're struggling with weight loss or weight control, the reason we're struggling with the tension in our body, so much of it comes down to stress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
And a few simple breaths can begin to relieve you of that stress, to relieve you of that pressure, to relieve you of that tension. And I would encourage you to try it out simply when you're feeling stressed, you know you can't take a long break right now, just try box breathing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
The 15 Minute Morning Reset (Do This Today to Completely Recharge Your Mind and Body)
When you're feeling stressed and your head is spinning, try this out. Because the Journal of Psychology in 2020 found that mindfulness reduces anxiety by up to 58%. Imagine if you were 58% less anxious.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
that your motives are pure. How do you even start becoming friends with an ex? So, right, I'm gonna imagine for a moment, say that you've answered all these questions, you know, like, I'm genuine, this is real, I care about them, this is how it's gonna have to work. The first thing is you need to take time. Healing after a breakup takes a while.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
It's rarely a question of ending a relationship and two weeks later meeting your ex for an effervescent brunch down the block. And your ex does too. And by the time, I'm not talking about... And by time, I'm not talking about a week, a month, or even three months. Experts suggest allowing anywhere from six months to a year before you even consider getting in touch with your ex.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
And even then, don't assume that because you've allowed so much time in your head to go by that everything's going to work out just fine. It may or may not, but more about that in a bit. Time is just another word for readiness, and readiness is another word for recovery and self-awareness. Think about it this way. You've just lived through the death of a relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
But because they didn't want that and they didn't want that from you and they didn't want to mirror that, it didn't work out that way. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host, Jay Shetty. Thank you so much for tuning in. I'm so grateful that you've decided to reconnect, whether you're hiking, walking, walking your dog, cooking, driving to or from work.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
As with any death, you need to give yourself the latitude and introspection to grieve, adjust to a new identity, and begin moving forward. Let's see if we can define what ready means. And the best way to do that is by defining what it doesn't mean.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Ready doesn't mean you won't have contact with your ex until you meet someone new and you can show your ex how stupid they were because how amazing you are and how much better your life is now that they're not a part of it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Ready means you've been extraordinarily honest with yourself, that you can see things clearly, that you've done the work necessary to move on, that you have grieved the loss of your relationship and maintained what was great about it and what you learned. Everything I just said also goes for your ex. It's not just about you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
A friendship won't work unless both people are honest and trust each other, not just over the course of a single conversation, but as a prerequisite of the renewal of your friendship. With honesty as the foundation, here are some of the issues that may come up for you and how that same honesty can help nip them in the bud. Now, one of the first things is unfinished business.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Are you and your ex really in the past? What are your motives in trying to become friends? Are you trying to show him what he's missing? Do you really want to know what's going on in her life? Or even who your replacement might be? These are all natural human responses after a breakup. But that doesn't mean that can sustain a friendship. Be honest with yourself and with your ex.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Are the two of you really through? Or do you find yourself stalking them on social media and playing music you associate with them and that you used to play together? By the way, stop doing that. Or is it that you're too cool for school? Are you interested in reestablishing a friendship with your ex because it feels like the mature, grown up, calm and collected thing to do?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
After all, being friends with your ex communicates to everyone how much of an adult you are, what a good person, how you're willing to put the past behind you and separate love and desire from friendship in a truly awesome human evolved way. Well, here's my advice to you. It's okay not to have a grown-up reaction to a breakup.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
It's okay to acknowledge that it's just too difficult, that you need longer than a year, and that you might not ever reach a place in your life when you and your ex can be friends. I was speaking to a friend the other day and he said, the day I moved on from my ex was the day I admitted to myself that I would never move on. Let me take that again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
They said the day I moved on from my ex was the day I admitted that I would never move on. Accepting that I may never get over them is what helped me move forward. Admitting to myself that I'll probably always think about them is what allowed me to stop thinking about them. Realizing that I may never ever fully disconnect or detach from that relationship is what really allowed me to let go.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Think about that really, really carefully. It's not pretending to move on. It's not faking moving on. It's not making it up or doing it because it looks good or people will respect you. It's actually being honest with yourself and authentic with yourself. And I get it. That's scary. It's hard. It's challenging. But it's the truth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Now, naturally what we often do is we wonder what others, mutual friends, family members might think. If you and your ex were a couple for a long time, no doubt you have friends in common or an established friend group, as well as a relationship with each other's families. In the wake of a breakup, it's inevitable that some of those friends will take sides. Ditto for family members.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
For the sake of keeping the peace, it's natural to want to maintain those friendships. To act as though nothing has changed and that everyone, including you and your ex, can still be buddies. After all, it's a small town where people are bound to run into one another and you don't want any weirdness. As for family members, you don't want their mom or their sister to think badly of you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Maybe you have a close relationship with the family that you don't want to give up. Unfortunately, friends and family members can be casualties of a breakup. Something big has happened and your friends are coping with the fallout too. And I think this is the hard part where almost your friends are acting like it's harder for them than it is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
If you've just been through a breakup and you have mutual friends and your friends are making it out that this breakup is harder for them than it's harder for you, then those are not your real friends. You need friends who recognize that this loss is so deeply hard and difficult and challenging for you that they're there for you regardless of how it affects them. Because while they are affected,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
you're the one who's going through the most of it. And I just really want to put that out there because I think too many people kind of feel like they've got to be there for their family, be there for their friends, be there for everyone else when you're the one who's really grieving the loss.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Thank you so much for being here. i was speaking to a friend the other day and she asked me this question she said to me can you be friends with your ex and my response was who are you talking to and it's one of these questions that i get asked a lot and when this particular friend asked me this question there was a part of me that was worried but there was a part of me that was open
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Now, one of the big ones that's come up for a lot of people I've talked to is the complicating factor of pets, right? Maybe you brought a cat together or a dog together and you're used to spending time together on the weekends, three of you, lazing around or hiking or watching a bad movie while the dog or cat lays in your lap.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
well one of you has got in custody of that animal and it's probably difficult if not wrenching for the person who's now not only without a partner but without a much-loved pet and that creates a lot of complications too so for any one of your friends who's struggling and wants to be friends with their ex i just want you all to have a bit of empathy for the fact that there are so many factors
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Now also when you remember, it's not all about you. There are two people here, both of whom are probably dealing with very intense feelings and memories, all of which will be triggered when that person comes back into your life. You might be completely okay and cool with you and your ex being friends, but have you considered them and the ways your reappearance in their lives might affect them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
You may want a friendship with your ex. but they still want a relationship. You may be over your ex, but they still want to be with you. You may have moved on, but they haven't moved at all. Just because you're ready to be friends, don't force that person into more discomfort. They've already been hurt once. This will only hurt them twice. Remember, it's not all about you. They're in this too.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Now, if you do get this far in this situation, you have to establish the new rules of engagement. Like, what does friendship even look like? So, as everyone knows, there are countless ways of communicating, ranging from social media to texting to calling to liking a comment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
And when you and your ex were romantically involved, you were probably in communication across the board, all day and night, long conversations, short, and on social media. Now, it's different, right? We all know that a flirty late night text message can lead to a situation where one or both of you slips and the next day you find yourself waking up in your ex's bedroom.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
You have to create ground rules. Now, the problem is when both of you don't respect it and that's what you want to spot early. Does someone really respect the ground rules or are you always pushing them to do that? You might agree to text each other or email, or you could decide it's calls only. But here's the second thing. Try it out before you decide whether it works or not.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Right now that you're back in contact, practice it, try it out and recognize where that person stands on respecting your boundaries. Now, I also want to address this. What about children?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
A wise person I know once counseled her two daughters that they should, of course, feel free to fall in love with and marry whoever they want, but they should be extremely careful about choosing the person with whom they have children. Now, why exactly did she mean this?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Well, she knew, and any person with children out there will confirm it, that the person you have children with is part of your life for, well, a lifetime. And in this case, the choice of whether to be friends or even polite and civil with each other is often decided on behalf of the children the two of you share.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
in which case friendship may take a longer time to develop, and at first, I recommend proceeding carefully and with as much detachment as possible. I've seen friends with exes flourish, and I've seen friendships with exes go south very quickly. Sometimes you'll find that minus the romantic or sexual entanglement, the two of you don't have all that much to say to each other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
In other cases, the absence of romance and sex can be clarifying and remind you that friendship and honesty and caring served as the basis of that relationship. I hope for your sakes that you fall into the second category, but if you don't, I have one last piece of advice to share with you. You don't have to be friends with your ex.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
no matter how guilty you feel about it, no matter how bad they make you feel, no matter how much your family or friends think it's the right thing to do. You don't have to be friends because you've both been hurt once and you don't want to hurt them twice. Thank you so much for listening to today. I hope this episode helped you. I hope it helps you heal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
I hope you send it to a friend who's struggling right now. And thank you for being here with me on purpose. And remember, I'm forever in your corner and always rooting for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
And I think it's because for years, my quick response has been, no, not really. And then I realized how different this question was for people who had kids together, for people who had shared friends together. There were different versions of it. And I think often we can discount or dismiss the opportunity without recognizing the factors.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
So I thought it was important to do an episode about it because I think it's a lot more complex and subtle than we often give it credit for. Now, before we even get started, there are grounds for not being friends. Before exploring this question, I want to establish some ground rules. Not every ex deserves friendship. Did your relationship end in a peaceful manner? Did your ex treat you well?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Are they dangerous, volatile or toxic and an untrustworthy person? Were you ever mistreated or did you ever feel unsafe? Were you disrespected or taken advantage of emotionally, sexually or financially? Were you lied to or cheated on? If any of these things are true, I would avoid even considering becoming friends with your ex.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
But assuming things ended kind of mutually and acceptably, or as well as possible considering you did call it quits, here's a rule of thumb. You're more likely to be friends with an ex if you and your ex had a nice breakup. But here's the thing. It will still always be complicated. Even if things ended well, understand that becoming friends with an ex is a tricky, landmine-filled journey.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
How could it not be? I mean, romantic relationships usually have their origins in friendship before they evolve into something deeper. You're now asking two people to maintain the friendship part of their relationship minus the romantic or sexual angle. But it's not as simple as going back to the friendship origins of your relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Friendship, companionship, and above all, trust are all core elements of romantic love. Ensuring you know the difference is one of the primary challenges of becoming friends with your ex. I was on the talk the other day at Today Show in LA, and they asked me this question as well. And what came out for me was emotional maturity and romantic clarity.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Emotional maturity, do you both have enough maturity to not be envious when you see the other person with another person? Do you both have enough emotional maturity to let the other become who they want to be, not who you wanted them to be? And romantic clarity. Are you both truly aware of the boundaries that now exist physically, sexually, and in terms of intimacy?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Or is one of you secretly hoping that you'll be able to make something happen when the other person's guard's down. All of these lead to a lack of trust. They lead to a lack of stability in a friendship or in a relationship. Now, here's what the science says about becoming friends with your exes. A 2017 research study shows that people chose to stay friends with their exes for four core reasons.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
The first is security. They make us feel good and show us that even in the wake of a breakup, our lives haven't been completely turned upside down. We're all looking for security and safety and our biggest concern genuinely is, who am I going to call at 7pm tonight? Wait a minute, who am I going to text first thing in the morning?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
All of those things we think are emotional and they are, but they're security-based. It's not necessarily love or romance. It's a sense of safety and security which humans desire so deeply. And often we desire it so deeply that we stay in a situation, even if it's bad for us, we want to elongate and extend something, even if it's unhealthy for us, because it makes us feel falsely safe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Think about a time in your life where you've stayed somewhere because it fooled you into believing you were safe in one way or another. So one of the reasons we stay is security. The second reason is practicality. You like your ex and your ex likes you. And both of you value each other's presence in your lives. And this is a sense of like comfort or ease.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
So a lot of us are constantly trying to move toward comfort and ease, the path of least resistance. How many of you have stayed in a job, a relationship,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
at a family gathering for far too long because it was comfortable and it was easy even though it wasn't good for you see as humans we almost seem to lose our way and it's interesting when you think about the pursuit of purpose that we're all ultimately challenged to go on one of the reasons we don't take it is because we're just looking for security and safety
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
One of the reasons we don't take the pursuit of purpose is because we're just looking for ease and comfort. And it feels in the short term much easier to do these options. And the truth is it is in the short term. It just isn't in the long term.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
And when it comes to a breakup, you just think, well, if we just stay friends, at least things are still practical, not understanding the complexities that come with that. The third reason that people want to stay friends with their ex is civility, otherwise known as keeping the peace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
If you're walking down the street and you see your ex coming your way, you don't want to have to dart across the street to avoid having an awkward encounter. right it's just normal again the path of least resistance how do i create a world in which i have no conflict and no tension and no stress by the way i recommend that sometimes we create too much drama in our life sometimes we
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
basically are the directors of drama in our life, almost like we're directing a dramatic, tragic movie and we just find everything to cause tension and stress. So wanting civility is not a bad thing, I get it. But often, if you're wanting civility, with someone who's wanting intimacy, it doesn't work. If you're wanting civility with someone who wants drama, it doesn't work.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
And I know you know who I'm talking about, right? You know you've tried in situations to be the civil one, to be the peaceful one, to be the conscious one, but because they didn't want that and they didn't want that from you and they didn't want to mirror that, it didn't work out that way. And the fourth reason, and by far the trickiest, has to do with unresolved romantic desires.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
You still want to be with this person. You haven't gotten over them yet. You don't know if you ever will. And you're thinking to yourself, if I stick around for long enough, they'll come to their senses that I was the one. I was the best one. And they'll finally realize what they're missing out on. Right. I'm just going to convince them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
I'm just going to stick around long enough until they change their mind. And I know I can do it. Right. I know I can do it. Now that one's a very, very tricky one because we're almost kind of creating an expectation without having that intention shared openly. And that's a really interesting position to be in. I find a lot of us have expectations without setting that intention.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
If you have an expectation that you're going to get back with someone and they've kind of told you, hey, this is not happening. Sure, you might be able to coax, persuade them for a day or two, but it's going to be a hard battle. And because you're walking into it with a preset expectation, you're setting yourself up for failure because you're setting yourself up to be let down.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
There's four ways to know that you're not ready to resume a friendship with your ex. The first one, your feelings are strong and conflicted. In other words, you might still have romantic feelings for your ex, or you're thinking about your ex more than you'd like to, more than feels healthy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
If so, pause, hold off, and postpone any attempts at establishing a friendship until those feelings simmer down or pass. You still meet up occasionally. If you're intent on establishing a friendship with your ex, by definition, that means the two of you are no longer romantically or sexually involved.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
If you are, I don't have to tell you how complicated a factor this is and how much more difficult it makes it for you or your ex to move forward. Now, number three, you're secretly using friendship as a means to get back together. This is probably the most common one. And you and your ex broke up for a reason, probably more than one reason.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
And using friendship to reestablish a romance doesn't address or solve those problems. Being friends with an ex can trick you into thinking that you didn't really break up. The whole thing was a dream and the future will be different. It's important to be honest with yourself and remember that your ex probably has the same strong feelings.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Remember that if you broke up with your ex, that means something about your relationship wasn't working for you, your ex or both of you. If you're trying to be friends because you secretly hope your renewed friendship will lead to a renewed relationship, you may be holding on to false hopes. Only try to be friends if you can honestly live with the truth that the two of you are no longer together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Now, the fourth reason is you feel bad and hope that making a friendship is a get out of jail free card. Now, maybe you did the breaking up, right? Maybe you're the one who left them. And now you're trying to, I see this with a lot of my male friends, where they'll break up with someone and they'll be like, I don't want to be the bad guy. I don't want to be seen as the bad guy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
I don't want to be seen as that one. So I'm going to work hard on building a friendship up because that way, at least she won't hate me. And really, I'm like, well, you're kind of making that person maybe hate you more in the long term because you're doing it for all the wrong reasons. Maybe you feel guilty and maybe you fell in love with someone else. Maybe you found someone else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
Maybe you're moving on. So you have to ask yourself, who does this friendship benefit? Am I doing it only to make me feel better about myself? If so, don't, right? Think twice. Too many people try to stay friends with their ex because they want to be seen as a good person. You broke their heart. You found someone else. You moved on. But you don't want to be seen as a bad person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
So you want to be friends with them so that they see you as a good person. And so you're only doing it to make yourself feel better about yourself. You're not doing it because you truly want to be friends with them. And that's only going to hurt them more in the future.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
It might feel good to you right now based on how you're perceived, but not only your perception, how they feel and their heart will be deeply hurt in the future. And I think this hits very closely to why I partnered up with Match. And what I really found was I wanted to create a space where people could connect based on their values.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
And this was really, really important to me because I feel that everything I'm saying here is because we don't realize that our core values are have such a big impact in terms of long-term success. If you ignore core values, you're thinking in the next five months. If you take on core values, you're living in the next five years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
And for anyone who's interested and invested in building a long-term, long-lasting, powerful relationship, this mindset is huge. 93% of Match members say that shared core values are a crucial indicator of relationship success. Now, let's imagine
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?
If you're wanting civility with someone who's wanting intimacy, it doesn't work. If you're wanting civility with someone who wants drama, it doesn't work. And I know you know who I'm talking about, right? You know you've tried in situations to be the civil one. to be the peaceful one, to be the conscious one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
I've put in so much effort into this. I would never be here with you today So much of what you'll create tomorrow Is when you'll let go of what you do today Don't let your attachment hold you back I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Now, step three is something called the Pygmalion effect. What if I told you that the key to your success isn't just hard work or talent, but someone else's belief in you? What if their faith in you could actually shape who you become? Imagine this, you're in a classroom and the teacher believes you're destined for greatness.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
She sees your potential and without even realizing it, she starts treating you differently. More encouragement, more attention, more opportunities. And then something incredible happens. You start to live up to her expectations. Your grades soar, your confidence grows, and you begin to believe in yourself more. But here's the twist. It wasn't just about your ability.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host, Jay Shetty, and I'm so grateful that you're back here to listen, learn, and grow. Now today, I'm going to talk to you about how you can become more successful than 90% of people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
It was about the belief someone else had in you. Welcome to the Pygmalion Effect, a psychological phenomenon where higher expectations lead to better performance. And this isn't just some motivational theory, it's scientifically proven. Researchers discovered this by conducting an experiment with students.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Teachers were told that certain students were intellectual boomers, though in reality these students were picked at random. But by believing in their potential, those students performed significantly better by the end of the year. The Pygmalion effect shows how our expectations shape our reality. When others believe in us, it shifts our behavior.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
It boosts our self-esteem and it unlocks our abilities that we didn't even know we had. But I know what you're thinking. Jay, no one believes in me. Well, maybe you've had a coach, a mentor, a family member, or a friend. But I know some of you are still thinking, Jay, I don't really have people like that around me. Well, here's the most amazing thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
The real power of the Pygmalion effect is it's about your own belief in yourself. If you start holding yourself to a higher standard, if you expect more from yourself, you'll start to see that belief reflected in your actions. Think about someone like Kobe Bryant, who had his Mamba mentality. It was a mentality that he aspired for, that he channeled during a game.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
It was a belief he had in himself, a potential that existed. You look at the alter ego of Beyonce, Sasha Fierce. She knows who she is in that moment. It allows her to almost be acting out of her body to be a different level of herself. What's the beast mode version of you? What's the version of you that you aspire to be like and you notice you have the potential, but you need to unleash it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
I've thought about this for a long time in my own life. When I first met my mentor who believed in me, I'd always say to him, no, I'm not an entrepreneur. I'm just a creative. I'm just an artist. I need to work for someone. I can't work for myself. I'm not an entrepreneur. I would say this to him again and again and again. And again, today I realize that I was wrong.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
I have the ability to be an entrepreneur. I have the ability to be a business owner. Why? Because I allowed myself to have that vision for myself. When people don't have a greater vision for you, remember to hold a greater vision for yourself. Not that you believe you are those things now, but that you're working towards, you're aspiring towards all of those things being possible.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
I know you can do it. I know it's possible. And I'm here telling you that. If you've never had someone in your life tell you they believe in you, here I am now. I do believe in you. I see your potential. I notice you're trying. I acknowledge that you show up here every day, every week, and you're ready for the next level. I want you to start seeing your future self and aspiring towards them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
This next one is probably my favorite one when it comes to the things the 10% do that the 90% don't. And I want you to think about it like this. Imagine you just learned about a new concept. Maybe it's a word, a brand, or even a type of food. It's on your mind, and suddenly you start seeing it everywhere.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
You hear it in conversation, you spot it in social media, and you even see a billboard for it. It's like the universe is throwing this thing at you from all directions. It could be numerology. You see 1111 everywhere. Literally while I'm recording this, it's 1222 and I just saw 222, right? Maybe it's the Cybertruck, the Tesla Cybertruck. You've been talking about it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
You now see it everywhere in the world. Me and my friend were talking about the other day how we don't see a particular color of a particular car. The next thing you know, we could see it everywhere. But here's the truth. It's not happening more. It's just you notice it more, right? It's only 12.22 or 11.11 at certain times of the day. It's not happening more often, but you notice it more.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Most of us believe that the people who achieve greatness, the people who do amazing things are special, that in some way they're different from us. And here's the reality. They're different in their consistency. They're different in their creativity. They're different in their work ethic. But at the core, they're not different. I believed this myself for years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Your brain's playing a trick. Welcome to what's known as the Bader-Manoff phenomenon. The mind-bending illusion where once you notice something, you suddenly think it's everywhere. Your brain filters out everything that's irrelevant, and once it's noticed something, it starts to pay attention to it more.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
This makes you believe that it's appearing all around you, when in reality, your brain's just hyper-focused on it. And this phenomenon happens because of cognitive bias. Our brains are bombarded with information every second of the day. So to avoid being overwhelmed, they filter out things that don't seem important.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
But the moment something catches your attention, maybe a new word or idea, your brain suddenly relearns to look for it. And because you're now hyper aware of it, it appears to be popping up everywhere, even though it was always there. So how do you use this like successful people? Well, let's say you're thinking about starting a business.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
You read an article about entrepreneurship and boom, you start noticing entrepreneurship stories everywhere. podcasts, YouTube videos, friends talking about their side gigs, the Bader-Manoff effect has kicked in. It's not that there's more entrepreneurship around you, it's that your brain is now hyper-focused on it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
So whatever it is that you want to find in life, whatever it is that you want to learn about in life, plant the seed, become hyper-focused on it, and you'll see it everywhere. But hey, this also works negatively. If you think there aren't enough opportunities, you will find proof around you that there aren't enough opportunities.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
If you feel to yourself you're not an entrepreneur, you will see signs that you're not an entrepreneur. Our mind will latch on to any idea that we have planted. So the next time you want to get good at something, plant the thought. For example, if I want to launch a podcast, let me think about all the ways in which I would be a good podcast host. Let me notice those things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Let me surround myself with them and that will develop my confidence. Whereas if I start noticing all the ways I'm not, that will also dent my confidence. To get started, you want to use this principle to your advantage. Now I want to share a couple more with you. This is a big one. Don't compare your chapter one to someone else's chapter 20. Stop measuring your success by others' timelines.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Everyone has their own path and success isn't linear. Focus on your own journey without getting distracted by others' perceived achievements. unsuccessful people look at where people are today and wonder how far they are. Successful people look at and learn how those people started. They turn envy into study. Instead of envying where someone is, study where they started.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Instead of envying what someone has, study how they got it. Instead of envying the life someone's living, Study the parts of their life that are unseen. That's what it takes to become great. Two more things I wanted to share with you. You don't need everyone to like you. It's okay to be misunderstood.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Successful people understand that when you're doing things that are new, fresh, innovative, exciting, it can be too overwhelming and surprising for others. Your work ethic, your work rate, your dedication, your discipline might scare people. And when people are scared, their fear usually comes out as insecurity or noticing flaws in you. It's not about them. It's not about you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
It's what fear does to people. You don't need everyone to like you and you will never like everyone. That's the reality. And that's the final step to realize. Some relationships are meant to be short chapters, not lifelong books. Not every friendship, partnership, or connection is meant to last forever, and that's okay. Some of us never grow because we're scared to outgrow the people around us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
I used to always think, I'm not made for more. I don't think I can achieve that. I don't think I'm good enough. Things like that never happened to me. And I'm guessing that you've said similar things to yourself multiple times. How many times have you actually had an amazing opportunity?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Some of us never move forward because we're held back by the people around us. And some of us never become who we're meant to be because we think we have to be like the people we're around.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
it's okay to let go it's okay to move on and to do it respectfully gracefully and kindly you don't do this because you think you're better than people you do this because you want to be better than who you were yesterday I really hope that these principles, actually, I know these principles will transform your life. Let me know when you tag me in the stories which one resonated with you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
And I can't wait for you to join in to another episode. Thank you for listening today. I will see you on the next one. Remember, I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you. Take care. If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Kobe Bryant on how to be strategic and obsessive to find your purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
You get invited to a potential client's dinner and you don't even show up because you're so scared of ruining it, you don't even try. Or what about this? Someone says to you, you know what? I know you're trying to get good at website design. I'll actually pay you to do it. And you say, no, no, no, I'll just do it for free because I'm not that experienced.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
We sabotage ourselves, we sell ourselves short, and we don't build even when opportunities are coming. This is why I truly believe that all of us have had opportunities. We've had moments where we could have been better, performed better, had opportunities to grow, but we weren't ready for them. And it's because we're not doing what the 10%, what the 5%, what the 1% are doing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
And that's what today's all about. I want to walk you through the tools, through the ideas, through the insights that you may miss, that you may not notice. Maybe you didn't grow up around an entrepreneur. Maybe you didn't grow up around a high achiever and you didn't get the opportunity to learn this from them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
I believe that productivity, effectiveness, and achievement are all possible for you and for me. And here's what I want you to do. I want you to get your notebook out. And if you're walking, if you're running, if you're at the gym, don't worry. Just take a screenshot of the moments I mention things that you know you need to come back to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
And this is one of those episodes that you're going to want to send to a friend, a family member, because I want you to share the insights so you get better at practicing them. Here's the first one. If I told you that to become more successful than 90% of people, you had to focus on one thing. And that one thing was patterns. Would you believe me? Would you get it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
I mean, I've even wanted to write a book about this and I don't because I just think everyone's going to look at me and think, Jay, patterns, what do you even mean? Well, here's the point. If you look at anyone who's had success in any industry, it's because they understand patterns. If you look at people who are brilliant at investing,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
whether it's property or stocks, they know when to get involved. They've followed the pattern long enough to know when to get in and when to get out. It's a pattern that they've analyzed and observed and learned. If you look at people like Mr. Beast, who've had incredible success on YouTube, why does that happen? Because he's understood the pattern.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
He's understood the algorithm, which is just another word for pattern. And he's observed that pattern, mastered that pattern, and then delivered to it. He knows what to do in the first three seconds. He knows what to do in the last nine seconds. He knows what to do in the middle to keep your attention. He's mastered a pattern.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
If you look at your favorite movie, you look at your favorite TV shows, there's a rhythm to the script. There's a pattern. And here's what's true. The most successful people in the world are either pattern observers or pattern makers, pattern disruptors, but they're definitely not one thing, pattern followers.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
See, what's really interesting about the 10% is that they're pattern observers, pattern makers, pattern disruptors, but most of us are pattern followers. We're the consumer. We follow the pattern. We follow pages. We use what we're given and we use it to consume. We don't use it to create. We don't use it to build. We don't use it to think. We use it to consume. We use it to consume our time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
We use it to pass time. We use it to pass waste energy. We don't use it to create, build, disrupt, or observe. If you think about the amount of creators there are in the world that are social media creators versus the number of social media consumers, we have the numbers in front of us. The majority of people in the world, the 90% of the world are consumers.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
They're watching, liking, commenting, sharing. Now there's nothing wrong with that. I too am a consumer. And sometimes to be a good disruptor, maker or observer, you have to be a follower. You have to be a consumer. But then you have to do more with it. Once you have followed, once you've lived in the established patterns, systems or structures, you have to get good at observing them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
A pattern observer or a pattern seer is great at recognizing existing patterns, trends, or connections. They can observe and identify relationships, often excelling in analysis and foresight. They have the ability to strategize based on their findings. So for example, if a social media creator sees, oh, when I start a video that says, hey, did you know?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
they realize that people click five times as more times. And when they put a call to action at the end, they realize people share the video more than three times. If I observe that, I can now apply that when I create. If you see that some of the biggest brands in the world today, before they launch, they start a mailing list. Something exciting is coming soon. Be the first to find out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Everyone subscribes to the mailing list. They discover how many people are interested. If you observe that pattern, you too can use it for your business. Too often we're trying to reinvent the wheel. We're trying to start from scratch. We're trying to build from the beginning, from the bottom. The reality is someone else has figured it out. Can you watch that pattern? Can you notice that pattern?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
And if you can, you become a pattern observer and then ideally you apply it. Now, if you get good at observing patterns, you might have the ability to become a pattern maker. These individuals create new patterns, systems or frameworks. They're innovators who build solutions, processes or artistic work that didn't exist before.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
And they've studied the pattern so well that they know how to build for it. They know how to create for it. But now, there's one more person, the pattern disruptor, the rarest of them all. These people challenge or break existing patterns. Take someone like Steve Jobs, who invents the smartphone at a time when everyone still had buttons on their phone and small screens.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
when you think about the origination of Spotify by Daniel Ek, when you think about the rise of computers, when people didn't think everyone needed a personal computer, they just believed that there'd be a few for the whole world. These people are rebels or revolutionaries.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
If you think about the founders of social media apps who created an online universe that didn't exist before, but even disrupted the patterns. So you can see that anyone who is successful is obsessed with patterns. And I want to ask you, whatever industry you're in, whatever place you're in, Have you understood the pattern of the industry? What's the pattern of the person who gets promoted?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
What's the pattern of the person who gets selected? Now, our mind will try and say things like, oh, it's just because they've been sucking up. Oh, it's just because they're the ones who's, you know, they've just been around the longest. All of that may be true, but challenge yourself. Challenge yourself to observe the pattern. If you observe the pattern, you will master that place.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
If you look at good health, it's a pattern. How much protein? How much cardio? How much strength training? If you look at anything you want to be successful at life, learn the patterns. And learn the patterns from the pattern makers and observe it. And sometimes... Don't even listen to what they say. Watch what they do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
A lot of us sit there and we listen to someone teaching us the pattern when actually, if you want to be the best pattern reader, watch it. Watch the person do their art masterfully. That's step one. Now, the second step about becoming more successful and impactful than 90% of people is asking yourself this question. Are you busy? but doing all the wrong things. Think about this for a second.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Imagine this, two people walk into a room. One sees a handcrafted desk and thinks, that's pretty nice. The other sees the same desk, but gasps. This is a masterpiece. Why do they have a different reaction? The second person spent two frustrating hours assembling it from flat pack pieces, cursing over missing screws and doing the work. This is known as the IKEA effect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
It hijacks your brain and makes you believe your effort has magically transformed something ordinary into something extraordinary. And this isn't just about furniture. It's why parents treasure their child's scribbled drawing more than a piece of Picasso's art. It's why startups cling to ideas others call doomed. It's why your half-baked project feels like a work of art.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Psychologists discovered the IKEA effect through experiments where participants built simple things like Lego models or origami. The shocking result? People were willing to pay significantly more for the creations they built, even when they looked objectively worse than a professional version. effort plus ownership equals value. And why is that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
Our brains crave meaning and effort creates attachment. The harder we work on something, the more we feel it's part of us. Now, that's not a bad thing. It means we should take ownership. We should grow. But here's what successful people do. They realize that the IKEA effect can blind us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
It makes us cling to bad ideas, dysfunctional relationships, or failing projects simply because we've poured so much of ourselves into them. It's a psychological trap. The more effort you invest, the harder it becomes to let go. So the next time you find yourself obsessively defending something you've built, ask yourself, do I love this because it's great? or because I made it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
The most successful people in the world are good at being detached. They're good at quitting something. They're good at leaving something behind when it isn't great and they can't make it better. They're not so attached to their ideas that they think there's only one way. If this doesn't happen, nothing else will. They find another way. They build another path. They're open to the idea.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
A lot of us are too attached to the work we've put into something that we don't want to work on building something else. You've studied something for three years and graduated. So now even though you have an amazing opportunity to do something completely different, you You feel like you're wasting the three years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
You feel like you're leaving something behind that's valuable rather than feeling the inspiration and excitement of the new opportunity in front of you. You're letting what's known in economics as sunk cost bias slow you down. Sunk cost bias is where you're biased by sunk cost.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today. but doing all the wrong things. Think about this for a second.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
You've already invested so much time and energy into something, you need it to become meaningful, to give your life meaning. Rather than recognizing this doesn't serve me anymore, this isn't valuable anymore, this isn't my goal anymore, and that's okay. I'll give you an example where I had to practice this. Some of you may not even know this. Originally, my community built on Facebook.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
This Mindset Shift Will Instantly Make You More Successful Than 90% of People
I have around 30 million followers on Facebook, which is where I first started as a creator. And at one point, I realized that it wasn't serving me. The content I was creating, the platform was hard to grow on. And I realized I really wanted to launch a podcast. So here we are. And if I had said to myself, no, no, no, I'm a Facebooker. That's what I'm known as. That's what I have to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
The second thing I want you to learn to do is harness your unconscious competence. There are four stages of learning. Now, have you ever learned something new and felt you were horrible at it, only to get to a point where it becomes second nature? That is the principle of unconscious competence. You're more capable than you think, but it's hidden in plain sight.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
The problem is we often don't acknowledge our progress. So the first layer that we start at is called unconscious incompetence. you're unaware of the things you're not even very good at, right? We actually don't know our blind spots. They're called blind spots for a reason. There are lots of things that we don't know that we're good at.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
But let's say we say to ourselves, you know what, this is the year I'm going to learn how to build good habits. This is the year I'm going to develop a reading habit. This is the year that I'm going to develop a meditation habit. This is the year that I'm going to quit sugar. This is the year that I'm going to work out every day. Now you rise to something known as conscious incompetence.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
You don't just go to developing that habit. You actually have to live through the experience of being consciously incompetent. What does that mean? It means you're aware of your incompetence. You're aware of the fact that you can't do something, that you're not good at it. You're aware of it now. You tried to build a habit at the start of this year and now you've realized you couldn't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
You tried to work out every day this year and you realized it wasn't that easy. You tried to meditate every day this year and you struggled. And this is a natural realization. There is no one who has mastered this skill who hasn't had to experience this. There was a day you shifted from unconscious incompetence to conscious incompetence. You went from being unaware to being aware.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
We'll dive into experiences designed to inspire growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to see you there. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me and get yours today. Instead of panicking, you pause, take a breath, and tell yourself, this is not a threat. This is an opportunity. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I am so glad that we're here together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
And this is actually a really painful thing. I want to acknowledge this. This is a really painful thing because we want to go from not knowing something to knowing it. We don't want to go from not knowing something to knowing that we don't know it and that we're not good at it either.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
It's actually a really hard stage and the majority of people will duck out at this point because they don't want to live with the rejection. They don't want to live with the failure. They don't want to live with the pain. of the realization that we don't know. Let's say you said, hey, I'm going to take on this extra task at work. I'm going to learn project management.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
I'm going to learn social media. I'm going to learn about AI. And then all of a sudden, you start reading a book. You start reading an article. You start going through some sort of guide. And you go, wow, I know nothing. I know nothing. Now what happens?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
When you stick it through, right, when you push forward, and this is a really, really important thing, when you push through, what happens is you get to conscious competence. You keep working, you keep practicing, you keep developing, and now you know what it takes to perform well. You know how much focus is required, how much discipline is required, how much energy is required.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
And all of a sudden, you start to understand. But you're dependent on a certain environment, a certain set of skills, a certain set of parameters, boundaries to be able to perform at that level, right? And then finally, you get to something known as unconscious competence. This means you've become so good at it that it's second nature. You don't even think about it. You're not even aware of it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
So here's what I wanted you to do practically. I want you to identify something you do well, but you don't actually recognize as a skill. Maybe you're amazing at organizing, problem solving. Maybe you're great at making people laugh. Use that as your starting point for confidence. Acknowledge that you already have skills at a deep level and that you're more skilled than your insecurities suggest.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Because what happens is when you go through this process, that's when you honor your skills. Skills that you have where you haven't gone through this process consciously, that's the ones that you undervalue. We undervalue skills that we have naturally and we overvalue skills that we don't have naturally. If you don't have a skill and someone else has it, you think, oh my God, they're so talented.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
It's a gift from God. They must be amazing. I could never be that. I could never do that. Not true. It's just that you haven't gone on that journey. People look at you and feel the same thing. I promise you. Even checking with your friends and say, what do you think I'm great at that I don't even acknowledge sometimes? I'm sure they'll say something to you, right? I'll give you an example.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Let's say you've been feeling insecure about your career progress. But remember, you've probably been successfully managing multiple projects or influencing others for years without even noticing it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
I want you to tap into that unconscious competence you already have and then go on that journey from unconscious incompetence to conscious incompetence to conscious competence to unconscious competence with the skill that you want to develop and learn. I promise you when you go through that journey, it will build so much strength and courage, but start with something you already have.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Step number three. I want you to face your fear of not being seen. This is something known as the spotlight effect. The spotlight effect tells us that we tend to believe others are scrutinizing us far more than they actually are. It's a classic insecurity trigger. everyone is watching me fail, right? We've all felt that. Oh my gosh, I just tripped over. Everyone saw that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Oh, I asked that silly question in the meeting. Everyone saw that. Oh, my boss didn't quite get the project I handed in. Everyone saw that. You know, I was late today. Everyone saw that. The truth, people are too focused on their own lives to scrutinize yours. While you're worrying about how you're seen, everyone is worrying about how they're seen.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Every single person in that room is evaluating, critiquing, assessing themselves as they talk. And yes, they might think about you for 10% of the time, if that. But for 90% of the time, they are hyper-focused on themselves. So the trick is to stop hyper-focusing on yourself. redirect your attention outward. Rather than fixating on how you're being perceived, start paying attention to others.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Listen, engage, ask questions. The more you make other people the focus of your attention, the less you feel trapped in the spotlight of self-doubt. People think being confident means being interesting. Sometimes the best way to feel confident is to be interested. Be interested instead of trying to be interesting and you will be more confident. Conversation will flow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Natural questions will come up. When you're trying to tell a funny story, right, let's talk about this. You meet someone new, you're out with friends and... There's some new people at the table you haven't met. You try to tell a funny story to come across relatable. No one really laughs. And now you're sitting there going, oh my gosh, they think I'm a loser. I'm not funny.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
I didn't say anything relatable. What do I say next? Guess what? You've just not listened to them. You've literally missed words that have come out of their mouth, what they've said, how they feel. And now it's back to your turn. And guess what? You try and tell another story. You try and say something else. And maybe this time you try and make it meaningful. And again,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Thank you so much for tuning in and trusting me with the next 30 minutes to guide you from insecurity to confidence. I'm sure there's so many of you this year that have so many dreams, so many goals, so many aspirations. There are probably so many things that you want to achieve, learn, conquer, grow, master, or even just experience.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Maybe you get a reaction, maybe you don't. And now you go back into self-analysis mode. Okay, they didn't laugh at me. They didn't think I was that meaningful. Okay, maybe I should just, what should I do now? Guess what? You've missed what they said again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
If you just listened, asked a question, maybe replied with a comment, built up some confidence, built up some trust, built up some reciprocal rapport. And then you told that story. Now you have so much more to go on. I was at dinner the other night and I noticed how one person at the table just kept making it about themselves and everyone else would go quiet because the person was quite dominant.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
And I could see that this conversation was just turning into them making it a therapy session for themselves. And so acknowledging their feelings and empathetically responding to them, I would then open the question up and try and ask the person to my left a question, the person opposite me, the person to my right. And what I found is that I also didn't want to be that person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
I didn't want to be the person who is directing or driving the conversation to be around me. I wanted to learn about everyone. I wanted everyone to be a part of the conversation. And I felt so confident doing that. But if I would have just tried to be confident by making myself the central focus, I'd actually be more scared. I'd be more worried. Take yourself out of the spotlight.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Put the spotlight onto others and you won't be as scared. Step number four, understand the power of sunk cost fallacy. I remember studying economics and And I remember this behavioral economics term called the sunk cost fallacy. It's when we continue doing something because we've already invested time, money, or effort, even when it's clearly not serving us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Insecurity often thrives when you feel like you've failed in some way and you can't back out now. It traps you in the belief that you're stuck. I'll give you a few examples. Let's say you studied something at college. And even though you hate it, even though you don't want to do your career in it, you don't like your job, you still keep doing it because you have sunk cost fallacy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Maybe you invested in something a few years ago. It's not going that well. You're never going to see a return, but you keep investing in it because of sunk cost fallacy. That's how it works. Now, what you have to do in this scenario is recognize when you're holding onto a situation or mindset that no longer serves you just because of past investment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Give yourself permission to walk away from anything that's draining your energy, whether it's a toxic relationship, a career that no longer excites you, or a self-image that's outdated. I find that last one to be the most interesting. Going away from a self-image that's outdated. It's okay. Our insecurity stems from the fact we keep investing in things that we know don't work.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
And in turn, that makes us less confident. In turn, it makes us value ourselves less. Because whatever we're doing is not growing in value. You've been in your job for years, and while it once felt like the perfect fit, it's no longer fulfilling. But you stay because of all the years you've invested. And that is what ruins your confidence. It makes you more insecure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
It makes you more self-conscious. It makes you more self-critical and judgmental because things are not going well and you keep putting pressure on yourself. So how do you change? You recognize it's okay to invest differently. It's okay to reallocate that time, that energy, that money, whatever it was. Because guess what? When you do that, you can reap another reward.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Step five, we have to reclaim our control with our locus of control. Let me explain what that means. Your locus of control is a concept in psychology that refers to whether you believe outcomes in your life are under your control or dictated by external forces. insecurity comes from feeling like you have no control or that everything depends on luck or others.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
We say things like, yeah, if the universe wants, yeah, if my boss realizes it, yep, if my partner gets there one day, we're outsourcing, postponing, and post-dating our own life. We're hoping, wishing, wanting, waiting for something to change without focusing on our own agency and the autonomy that we have. Shift your mindset on what you can control. What action can you switch?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
And the thing that's standing in your way is your doubt, your insecurity, your scarcity. You might have the doubt. I'm not good enough for that. I'm not ready for that yet. Or you might have the insecurity. I'm sure they'll give it to someone else. I'm sure someone else will beat me to that job, that promotion, whatever it may be. Or you may just have scarcity.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
What conversation can you have? What attitude can you develop? Stop waiting for others to validate your worth or success. When you fully embrace that, you're in control. Insecurity has nowhere to take root. Insecurity takes root when we keep repeating things like, yeah, it's up to them. If they feel like it, hopefully they'll change one day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
We're taking no responsibility and accountability in our own lives. It's like saying, I'm going to sit in the passenger seat and I'll just go wherever the driver wants. I won't give them any directions. I won't suggest a drive. I won't take control. Let's just hope they go in the right direction. Let me give you another example in real life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Like you're feeling insecure about a relationship and what your partner thinks of you. And instead of fixating on their behavior or approval, think about what you can control, your own boundaries, your self-respect. The more you focus on your agency, the less power insecurity has. Now I have a couple more I want to share with you. Number six is utilize the false consensus effect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
The false consensus effect is when we assume that everyone else thinks the way we do. We think that our mistakes or quirks are glaringly obvious, but the reality is other people don't notice as much as you think, right? We have a spot on our face and we think everyone sees it that day and the truth is no one can see it. And we blow that out of proportion and we make it our identity.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
When you feel insecure, realize that others aren't as focused on your flaws as you might believe. And often you're the one amplifying your flaws so that people start to notice them more. Most people are so preoccupied with their own lives and they're scrutinizing themselves.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
But when you start scrutinizing yourself publicly, and I've heard people do this like, oh, you know, I always hand in a bad project. Oh, you know, I'm always late. That's what starts to create that self-fulfilling prophecy and the judgment that people have. So don't take that too seriously and stop repeating who you don't want to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
And the final step is to break free from imposter syndrome using cognitive dissonance. Now, cognitive dissonance occurs when your actions conflict with your beliefs. If you're succeeding in your career or relationships, but you still feel like a fraud, your brain experiences a disconnect, making you feel insecure. How many of you have ever felt that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
No matter what you do, no matter what you achieve, you're always thinking, how am I here? I don't deserve to be here. I know I felt that way before. It's really hard. We struggle to celebrate our wins, but we find it so easy to criticize our losses. We will quickly judge our mistakes, but we will very slowly celebrate our wins. Please take your wins as importantly as your losses.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Don't overvalue failure and undervalue success. Thank you so much for listening to today. I'm so glad that you trusted me with your time. And remember, insecurity isn't some personal flaw. It's a byproduct of outdated mental patterns and learned behaviors that are keeping you stuck. But the good news is, you can change all of that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
By understanding how your brain works, using advanced psychological theories like cognitive dissonance, sunk cost fallacy, and the locus of control, you can take back control. Embrace your unique strengths and walk confidently into the life you've always wanted. Confidence is not something that comes easily to anyone. It's something you build and you just started today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Remember, I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you and I'm so grateful for your love and trust. Thank you so much. See you soon. Thank you so much for listening to this conversation. If you enjoyed it, you'll love my chat with Adam Grant on why discomfort is the key to growth and the strategies for unlocking your hidden potential.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
If you know you want to be more and achieve more this year, go check it out right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
There's not enough for me, and I'm not enough. These feelings can make it harder for us to relate to people in our personal life, to connect with people at work, to actually thrive. And often we see people who may not be as smart, who may not be as talented, but they're just confident.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Have you seen that before where you look at someone and you think, wait a minute, I know for a fact that I might actually know a little more than you. I actually know that I work really, really hard, but for some reason you have confidence and I don't. And you might see that all around you where you look around and you think, wait a minute, how is it that you're moving ahead?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
How is it that you made that happen? And I find it's because some people are coming from a place of insecurity, which you can feel energetically from them, right? Have you ever felt insecure internally and everyone in the room could sense that? Or even if they couldn't, you felt they could. And that made you less confident, less courageous, less brave, less bold in that room.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
And at the same time, we have people in our life where you can sense
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
that our ideas are not taken as seriously because we come across as insecure we come across as doubtful whenever you share one of your ideas you'll say something like look this may not be the best idea right as soon as you've said that what's everyone thinking oh well it may not be the best idea or maybe you say something like look i know this might be a stupid question Guess what?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Now everyone thinks you're going to ask a stupid question. And maybe people even reply to you by saying, look, there's no such thing as a stupid question, but now everyone's thinking it. You were going to ask a really great question. Chances are everyone in that room was thinking about the question you were going to ask.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
But because of your precursor, you've now set people up to doubt you, to feel differently about you. Maybe you say something like, Look, I've been thinking about this. I'm not sure, but I'm thinking about it. Now, I'm not saying that you want to lie and say you're sure about something and it's the best idea ever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
But what if you let the thoughts, the analysis, the assessment of what you're about to share happen live and in real time? Before you give a disclaimer, as soon as you've given the disclaimer, you've put the doubt, you've put the insecurity into other people's minds, which came from you because you had an insecurity about what you were going to say.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
And chances are you were about to have a great idea. Chances are you were about to say something that's actually really helpful, useful, and something everyone needed to hear. and I've seen this time and time again, that when we add disclaimers, when we add precursors, we're the ones who end up losing out. because we're the ones planting the seed of doubt in our own idea.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
So today, I want to give you seven steps that are going to help you grow from insecurity to confidence. This isn't about faking it. It's not about lying. It's not about manipulating. It's about having enough trust in yourself that the experience that you've garnered
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
the experience you've lived in life, the amount of meetings you've sat in, the amount of conversations you've had, I want you to learn to trust that you have a level of intelligence which grants you a seat at the table. You do not need to feel that you're crawling under the table. You do not need to feel that you've been given a seat at the table. You have a seat at the table.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Because you've earned it. You're in that room because you've earned it. You're in that meeting because you've earned it. You belong in that room. There is a seat with your name on it for a reason. But when you're the person yourself who's kind of sitting away from the table, putting the seat aside and acting as if you don't belong, it creates distance. It creates a fracture in that communication.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
So what if I told you the reason you're insecure isn't because you lack confidence, but because your brain is stuck in survival mode. Insecurity isn't about being weak. It's your body's response to risk. But here's the secret. You can retrain your brain to stop feeling threatened all the time. I'm sure you're ready to learn how. Let's dive in with step one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Train your brain to stop seeing life as a threat. We have to turn off our threat detection system. See, in the past, it made sense. Our brains are hardwired to protect us from danger. This is part of an ancient survival mechanism. When we feel insecure, it's often because our brain is perceiving a situation as a potential threat. So we think that there's a lion in the bushes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
There's a snake in the grass. There's a hunter coming from a nearby village, whatever it may be. And here's the plot twist. Your brain is often overreacting. Your brain is overreacting. There isn't a lion in the bush. There isn't a snake in the grass. So what we need to do is we need to learn to recognize how to rate behavior. threats.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
And we have to learn how to rate threats when we're not in the threat. What I mean by that is, if I ask you to rate a threat on a scale of zero to 10, when you're about to experience it, it will always feel like a 10, right? In the moment that you stub your toe or trap your finger into a door hinge, right? Even thought of that, you're like, that's a 10.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
But let's be honest, it's not a 10 in the pains of life, right? There's things that are far more painful than both of those. But in the moment, you'd give it a 10. So we have to rate things outside of the moment. So let's look at rating, the idea of sharing something at work that you might think will be seen or perceived as a bad idea. Let's rate it when we're not in that position.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
What's the worst that could happen if you shared something and people didn't get it or didn't understand it? Maybe a three, a four, five. Or maybe you're listening to me right now and going, Jay, that's a nine for me, right? I'm so scared by that. So now let's reframe.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Instead of letting your brain trigger fear in situations that don't actually put you at risk, let's use mindfulness to recognize and reframe these reactions. By simply observing the thought,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
I feel anxious because of this meeting or this conversation, you can activate your prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain that controls rational thinking and override the amygdala, which controls the fight or flight response. So let me give you an example. You're preparing for a meeting. Your brain immediately starts firing off signals of danger, even though the meeting is not life-threatening.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
And instead of panicking, you pause, take a breath and tell yourself, this is not a threat. This is an opportunity. You've trained your brain to stop seeing every challenge as a risk. And now you can actually use that energy that's often wasted. in threat management into growth management.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
You can now actually switch from worrying about that moment to actually saying to yourself, well, now we can get ready. Now we can actually get it right. Now I can actually communicate in a way that will resonate with people where I'm not giving disclaimers and precursors and that will actually connect. Try it out for me and let me know how it goes. Tell me in your stories.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Tell me in the comment section on one of our Instagram posts. Post about it. Let me know how that worked for you. Stop and turn off that threat detection system. Set a rating and be clear about it. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
7 Ways to Train Your Brain to Go From Insecurity to Confidence
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can see my on-purpose podcast live and in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm so grateful you're here. Whether it's your first time or you've been on this journey with me for a while, this space is for you to listen, learn, and grow. If you're here, it means you're dedicated to making this year the best year of your life so far. Now, today's episode is a little different and I'm so excited to share it with you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
There's three reasons that we settle. The first is we settle because... The fear of being alone is greater than the pain of being with the wrong person. We settle because the suffering we understand feels safer than the happiness we haven't experienced yet. We settle because A part of us believes that familiarity is truth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And so this kind of oscillating feeling of stress and excitement is what creates the spark, is what creates chemistry. Now, when you've been in a long-term relationship like you and Tom have, or slightly shorter than me and Radhi have had, now you don't get stress and excitement. most of it just becomes peace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I don't need to stress whether Radhi's going to be at home tonight, because I know she's at home tonight. So the problem is we've got to make ourselves realize that what you want now and what's right for your future are not the same thing. And if you want to live in this bubble of excitement and stress, that's going to go anyway.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So why not find someone who doesn't give you stress, who doesn't bring you anxiety, who doesn't make you feel nervous, Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't feel excited to see that person, but there's a big difference between excitement and anxiety.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So this, again, a really, really interesting thing happened at this event. I found out in my teens that a lot of my guy friends had a technique they used. And their technique was to pick on women or notice something that was a flaw about them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So every other guy would come up to you and be like, I really liked your shoes or you have a beautiful smile or I really like your eyes and they'd get looked over. And one guy would come up and he would say, there's something off about you today. I'm not sure the energy around you is just, I don't know, it feels like there's something, but I don't know, you're like holding back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And all of a sudden that woman is spending the whole evening thinking about that guy. This happened to one of my team members a couple of months back and someone came up to her and said, that coat you're wearing today just feels like you're scared of opening up. And she was thinking about that guy the whole night.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And there were other men who came and told her positive things and beautiful things and whatever, and she couldn't think about it. And so I think a lot of men have used that technique to get attention. And it sounds crazy, because when you hear it, it logically doesn't make sense.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
But when you think about it in the moment, you're like, yeah, of course that makes sense, because you feel they sense something about you. You feel they noticed your energy, but they didn't. They were just trying to find a way. And when you were six years old, that was pulling your hair. But this is the updated version that women experience today. And so we love that mystery.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
We love that feeling of like, oh, well, if he's being mean, that's just his way of flirting with me. But do you want someone who's mean when they flirt with you? Like, is that what you want? Is that how you want to feel? So I don't want someone who notices my weaknesses before they notice my greatness. And so I think it's a matter of priority, but it does come from childhood and it continues on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I think a big part of it is also we've never seen positive change. relationships mirrored for us. Like when did you grow up? If you could remember one positive relationship growing up, I don't think I saw that. And so people are mirroring what they saw on TV. They're mirroring what they saw at home. They're mirroring what they saw in magazines.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I mean, me as an Indian boy growing up in London, grew up, if you asked me who I was attracted to, I was attracted to blonde head women with blue eyes. But I'd never probably even met someone with blonde hair and blue eyes. But that's what I was told to fall in love with. That's what was marketed to me. And so I think we underestimate how much marketing has an impact on us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
When I was going to propose to Radhi, I asked my brother-in-law how much I should spend on an engagement ring. And he said, you should spend about two to three months salary. I was like, okay. So I went and spent two to three months salary, and I'd spoken to a couple of other men who'd said the same thing. Thankfully, I didn't make a lot at that time, so it wasn't that much of a expense.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I bought the ring, proposed, obviously. Riley said, yes, we got married. Now, what's really interesting is years later, I looked into that, because I was like, how is that so specific? Two to three months seems like a really thought-through plan. And I spoke to a lot of other men who all concurred with me that they spent two to three months salary, no matter how much they made.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I started looking at it online. I found a De Beers commercial from the 1980s. I'm not kidding you. You can go and find it on YouTube.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I went onto YouTube in the 1980s. There's a commercial. Which I remember it being like a silhouette of a man and a woman. And I'm not kidding you, at the end of the commercial, it says, what better way to spend two to three months salary?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
It literally says that. And I couldn't believe it. I was like, wow, we've all been brainwashed. That I proposed 25 years after that commercial came out. I've never even seen that commercial like before that. And I'm following this advice and so is everyone else. And I think it also comes from our hunter-gatherer days that you wanted someone who could protect you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
You wanted someone who could fight off the lions and the snakes. You wanted someone who could build a home from scratch. And today our modern day version, which makes no sense, our modern day version is, well, that's what a bad boy can do. A bad boy can protect me. A bad boy can do this. A bad boy can do that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
But that doesn't actually add up and it doesn't make sense because protection in modern day is very different to protection in ancient days.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Correct. Well, that's a whole other conversation. I really think that If you're choosing who you want to be with simply based on how much they earn, how tall they are, or what job they have, you are marrying their salary, their bank account, and their job, not them. What does that mean? It means, yes, you will never run out of money, but you may never have enough love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And what I mean by that is when you've experienced mediocrity for long enough, you start to believe it's destiny. You start to believe that's the life that's been paved forward for you. But the deepest reason we settle, and it's something that you alluded to, is that we think there's someone better out there, but we don't believe they exist for us. And that's the most interesting part.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
It may mean that you can boast about your partner's title, but they may not be with you at every place you want them to be at. So you have to realize what you're marrying, what you're committing to. That's what you're getting in this exchange.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And I think what's really interesting to me is I meet a lot of friends and women who will say to me, I really want a man who's successful, but I want him to be my number one cheerleader. And I'm like, well, have you realized that the person who's out there making money and being successful, they can't be a cheerleader at the same time, because they got to be on the field.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
The person on the field can't be your cheerleader. I'm not saying that you should choose one over the other, but I'm saying you've got to be clear about the choices you're making. I love Radhi. I can't be there with her as a cheerleader every step of the way, wherever she is. Neither can Radhi be with me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I know a lot of men who will say the same thing like, oh yeah, I want my wife to be independent, but then I want her front row seat when I'm winning. And I'm like, well, wait a minute, which one do you want? And so I think we're really, it's almost like we want everything. And in that we get nothing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah, there's two words that I like using more than sacrifice and compromise because I think they come with so much baggage. And the two words are adjusting and abandoning. And so there's a difference between adjusting yourself and abandoning yourself. Adjusting yourself means I'm making room for love. Abandoning means I'm disappearing to make space for it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Adjusting is saying I'm happy to be flexible. Abandoning is saying I'm gonna bend so much that I'll probably break. Adjusting is growing. I'm actually becoming better through this choice. Abandoning is shrinking. I'm losing myself through this choice. And adjusting is I'm gonna help you move forward. Abandoning is I'm gonna leave myself behind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And so what I find a lot of us do is when we don't know who we are, we abandon ourselves. And the difference is adjusting is something two people do, abandoning is something one person does. Adjusting requires two people to move, to mold, to pivot. Abandoning just requires one person to give up everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And so what I find, the reason why a lot of people end up in this place is because they were never told to have their own dream. They were never told they were allowed to have their own mission. They were never told that they had a purpose. And chances are they met someone, their partner, who had a very clear purpose, and they assumed that my purpose must be to help them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And it kind of felt good in the beginning because it gave life meaning. Right in the beginning, it was all good. It was like, I'm gonna do this for them and they're going out to crush it and they'll do really well and I'll live through them. And then maybe if I have children, I'll live through them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
We think there's someone better out there, but we don't believe they exist for us. And it's because we have such a limited, restricted view of ourselves. I don't think it's that we have low self-esteem or poor self-esteem, that's a part of it. But the bigger part is we don't actually realize what's possible for us, what's possible by us. And that comes because we've been told to play small.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And so all of it becomes living life and meaning through bringing a provider and a supporter of other people. Which by the way, if it satisfies you, that's beautiful. It sounds like me and you have met a lot of people who are not satisfied by that. And I think the reason for that is your purpose can't be a person. Right, your purpose is something that isn't dependent on someone else's existence.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
It's dependent on you. That's what it is. It's something that's connected to you, not connected to you and that person that you're serving. So in the beginning, it felt good. We got it, we found meaning. As time went on, you started to realize that person was living their dreams and you were just watching them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And no matter how good you felt watching that person live their dreams, you want to live your dreams too. Now you have two choices. A lot of us will blame it on that person. And when you blame it on that person, chances are you've heard these words before. They'll say, well, they didn't ask you to. I didn't tell you to. And that really hurts. Because you've just given up so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And you're like, wait a minute, you didn't ask me to, but you never told me to stop. You never told me not to. You gladly took it when I did it for you. So wait a minute, where are we now? Now that fractures the relationship. It's one of the biggest reasons people will break up, get divorced, relationship falls apart, they lose connection. So what do we do in that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
A mature person would never have said, well, I never asked you to. A mature person will say, well, what's your dream? The challenge is that person didn't even have the foresight to understand that you were gonna feel this way. They just got excited that your life looked like it had meaning and they were like, great, this helps, it works, it's supporting all of us, we're good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So it's not that they're a bad person, it's just that they didn't really think that far ahead because chances are they've never seen someone think that far ahead. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
It is true, but it's a really harsh truth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah. Yeah. And that's that like weird space we all end up in where we take on a role because we get validation in the beginning.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And we appreciate and like that. And then we've run out of that role. We don't want to play that role anymore, by the way, which is also natural. And the problem is when we don't want to play that role anymore, that other person got so used to us playing that role that they're now also going through a grief. Yeah. And we're going through a grief.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
They're going through a grief of our former self that they were in love with. And we're going through a grief of our former self. So we're both missing a person who doesn't exist anymore. They're missing the person we used to be. We're missing the person we used to be. But we know we want to be a different person. And they're trying to figure out whether they're going to like this different person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So there's a lot at play here. What we want to do is if you're at the early stages of a relationship, spot this early, both men and women, whoever you are, whichever role you're playing, spot it early. Don't just fall into the trap of, oh, it works for now, let's just see how it goes. And I think if your partner can't see that, you need to see that for yourself. Take responsibility.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I think it genuinely comes down to looking back at you taking control, accountability, and power of your life, and what you're gonna do with that time and energy now. Like, you just don't want anything you said to sound like you're blaming that other person and shifting the accountability onto them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
We've been told to shrink. We've had people in our life, relationships, past exes that have made us believe that if you play within the confines of these walls, that's all you're meant to be. And so I think when I think about your question, the thing that comes to mind the most to me is I want people to start by looking at their life as if they didn't have any of those scripts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Because like you said, it's gonna feel weighty for them, and they're gonna feel like, oh God, I don't wanna take on that weight, I feel too much pressure, now I'm gonna throw it back on you, and that's what we end up doing. So I think it's fine to say, hey, I've been doing this for the last 10 years. It's not who I wanna be anymore.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And I understand that that adjustment is gonna make changes for you. I'd love to discuss those changes. And now you're talking about the changes and the edits, not talking about that person and you, rather than saying, oh, you won all the awards you wanted to, where am I?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
When you make it about you and them, all of a sudden, you're not talking about what it's actually about, which is here's how things are gonna change. How is this gonna affect you? What can we do in the middle period to make the transition more effective? It's change management, not the person management.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And I think the challenge is we make it about that person and what they should have done, what they could have done, the time we've lost, the energy we've invested, what we didn't get out of it. And I get it, that is the emotional layer that needs to be explored. But that's not going to keep that person in your life in a healthy way. It's going to create friction.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And sadly, we don't have many good examples of people who've been through that transition because people turn it into a blame game.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I've seen his stuff on Instagram. Oh my God, he's so good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I always say to people, use us and we, not you and me. So I've had couples that I've worked with write out what they want to say, and all of it is filled with you and me. You didn't do this. It made me feel like this. You always do this. You never think about me. So it's you and me, you and me, you and me. And I've asked them to change every you and me to us and we. Why? Because now we're a team.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
If I say... Let's think about how we can get to where we want to be. Let's think about us at the center of this conversation. Let's think about how to protect us Now I'm not saying you need to be thinking about how to protect me. You should be thinking about how to make me happy. Well, then we're not a team anymore.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Now I'm saying it's all your responsibility, it's all your accountability, and it's all on you. And by the way, I'm sitting over here feeling hurt, dejected, and down. Whereas now when I say, is this what we both want? Is this the kind of relationship that we both want to have? Do we want to create a space where both of us can grow? All of a sudden it's like, yes, we're doing this together.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yes, we're a team. Yes, we're collaborating. And I think too many people are competing for power rather than collaborating to create power together. And that competition with your partner is the worst place to be. Because now you're trying to be right, not kind. Now you're trying to win, not win together. Now when you win, it means they lose. I always say this to people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
If you win an argument, that means your partner lost. You both lost. If you win and they lose, you lose. If they win and you lose, you lose. You either win together or lose together because you're together. So us and we, not you and me solves that. And I recommend people write out what they're about to text, what they're about to say to their partner.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And if you changed every you and me to us and we, it will transform the energy of the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. There's two words you want to take out of every argument.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Always and never because no one always does something and no one never does something We always have so much more gray and so much more in between but we're so tempted to just say you never do anything for me or you always forget to do the dishes and those statements make that person feel that you've invalidated any time that they actually followed through.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
If you didn't have that script, if you haven't heard those lines, where would you start? And in order to do this, Lisa, what's interesting is you actually have to disappear from your life. Now, what I mean by that is you don't have to run away, you don't have to quit your job, you don't have to not hang out with your friends, but you almost need to sometimes stop talking.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Chances are they have followed through, but we're invalidating it. Now what are we arguing about? We're arguing about the mathematical accuracy of how often I've washed the dishes versus when I haven't, which was not the conversation. Now everyone's like, all right, tell me one. Come on, tell me one. Prove me one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And then they're like, yeah, I did it last Thursday and the Thursday before and the last Friday. Now we're arguing about mathematical accuracy. And I think the point is when we're having a disagreement, we're never really arguing about the disagreement. We're arguing about affection. We're arguing about power. We're arguing about attention, love, validation. That's what we're arguing about.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
But now we think we're arguing about the dishes. We think we're arguing about the birthday. That's not what we're arguing about. And so the more we can actually focus on what we're actually talking about, which is what we were just talking about. Let's talk about the transition. We're not arguing about whether you achieved your dreams and I didn't. We're talking about how does this change now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And that's what we need to win for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Adjusting and abandoning.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
The difference between love and lust is that lust is that excitement, exhilaration of connection. Love is how you handle disconnection. If there's only lust, then when there's an argument or a disagreement, you don't know how to get on the same page.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
That's why we call it makeup sex or breakup sex because you resort to an activity that's fueled by passion to solve a problem that can't be healed by it. Right, if you've had a disconnection or if you've had a problem or if there's a challenge and you don't like the way the person behaves with you, then there's no love because that's what you're looking for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
You're looking for, can someone bring love to a place where there isn't any or where we're lacking it or where we've run out of it or where we've lost it? That's what love is. Love is something that exists within both of you and when you're disagreeing, you're distant. If there's love, you'll become closer through it. If there isn't love, you push yourselves away through it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I think the reason sometimes we feel we have too many opinions in our life is because we ask the wrong people the right questions. We ask the right questions like, do you think this person's right for me? Do you think I should be in this relationship? Do you think this is the best I can do? But we ask them to the wrong people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So when I meet a new couple, I like to ask them, what was the last disagreement you have? And do you like the way your partner and you came to a conclusion or came to a solution? It's how we deal with the tough stuff that makes all the difference.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
That's a good thing. That shows why you guys chose fun.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
It never dawned on me. Well, the studies show, right, that the reason why sex releases chemicals, that makes you forget the argument. Oh. So it's not even like you actually feel better. You just think you feel better. And so you actually never came to a solution. And that's why it's not the healthiest way to solve a problem.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Because if you're relying on lust to solve the problem, then all you're left with is lust. It's not love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah, exactly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I think comfortable is something you feel together and complacent is something one person feels. So if you can both agree, I love the way we're living. We love our life. I love the vacations we go on. I love our friends. I love what we're creating. There's a comfort in that. And that's what we're all looking for. We're looking for someone that we can come home to and cozy up with.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
We're looking for someone who feels like a warm cup of coffee. That's comfortable, right? We want that in a partner. But if one person can't agree to that, then that person feels the other person's being complacent. Now, what happens is people are scared to accept that they're being complacent because it means like they're not showing up enough or doing enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
It's a very negative word. But the point is, you've got to listen to your partner. If your partner is genuinely saying, hey, I don't think we're comfortable. I think we're complacent. There's no moments to look forward to anymore. And that's what complacency is. I think comfort is... Comfort is stable excitement, right? It's like we feel a sense of there's still things to look forward to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
We come back down. There's this beautiful harmonic movement of a wave. There's like a comfort in looking at the ocean, even though it's constantly moving. It's still moving. It's doing its thing. Complacency is almost just like there's no...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And it's really interesting, we ask other people questions, but we never ask ourselves those questions. And we outsource and crowdsource these major decisions in our life. And so what I mean by disappearing is we have to take a step back. We have to shut our mouth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
rhythm, there's only routine, we're kind of both robots performing the same roles, the same tasks, the same things, there's no spontaneity, there's no change, there's no shift. And I think it really does take one person to have the courage to say it. And my hope is that when the other person hears it again, you as a team come to a conclusion of how to get out of it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
It's still a together thing to solve, even if it's a one person to raise. This is the biggest thing. If you want this relationship to work, you've got to help your partner help themselves, help your relationship, and you help them. And I think the challenge we have is a lot of us feel like we're the only one doing it. And if you feel you're the only one doing it, there's two things you need to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
The first thing you need to do is something I call a relationship audit, because this has helped me so many times. A lot of us think relationships are who makes the money, who takes care of the house. We look at it through two things. But relationships are physical, who's taking care of the house, the physical surroundings. Financial, who is making the money, taking care of the finances.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
It's mental. Who's setting the mindset of this relationship? It's emotional. Who's setting the nurturing of this relationship? And it's spiritual. Who's setting the fate or the spiritual direction of this relationship? Every time I've thought about it this way, I've realized me and Radhi are even leaders. And I think that gives me a sense of strength and confidence.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
If we only look at it through two things, which is what we do, finance and home, you might feel like you do everything. And it's really important to us for broadening the view. Now, if you look at it as those five metrics, and you're doing four out of the five, that person's complacent. It's just there. It's true. It's really, really, it's hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And especially if you're dissatisfied, if you're satisfied, it's fine. I think we have to zoom out when you're feeling that way and really assess it because too many people will say, I do everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So at the beginning of my relationship, I used to feel I did everything, not to realize that Radhi set the mental mood and the emotional heart of the whole relationship and physically takes care of everything. Like the fridge always has food in it. And I've never ordered anything in my entire life. And it's always stocked with the best goodies and everything else.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
We have to close off a little bit and go, am I asking the right question to the right person or am I asking the right question to the wrong person?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And spiritually, Radhi runs the relationship. So actually, now I'm realizing she's doing four out of five.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
It's the doing that we put emphasis on. Yeah. But what about the energy? Like, Radhi is like, wakes up and is doing a little dance in the kitchen. I come home tired and moping and moody and she's smiling and giving me a hug. We don't value those things. But those things are huge. But we don't value them because they don't show up on the spreadsheet. They don't show up in the bank balance.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So you don't value those things. And I think a lot of us think we overdo. But actually, if you looked at it on the actual spectrum of the five things I've just said, you'd realize we're actually pretty equal. So that's one thing. And the second thing I'd say is that if you do that exercise and then you really feel like you are the one doing everything, then it may be time to leave.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
It may be time to say, I'm not accepting this anymore. It may be time to say, I can't keep doing all of this anymore and I deserve better than this and that's okay too.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah, it is a checklist. Because we all have a scorecard anyway, but we only mark ourselves on the scorecard. And it's all emotional as well. It's all emotional. And you never give the other person a point. So if you wash the dishes, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Exactly. It's like you're always counting everything you do right. That's what we do. We count everything we do right and we count everything our partner does wrong. You will never miss something that you got right and you will never miss something your partner got wrong. But what does that create? It creates distant disconnection and dissatisfaction.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Instead of me leading the conversation, I'm the one answering the questions. This is a powerful discussion between me and Lisa Bilyeu, where she's interviewing me on some of the most important lessons I've learned about relationships. I love this conversation I had with her and I felt I really wanted you to hear it. Lisa is an absolute force.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Whereas when you zoom out and you start counting every little thing your partner gets right and you start to notice the things you get right and wrong, all of a sudden you start to recognise we're probably more equal than we believe we are. And I think more people would win from that. I've gained so much from that exercise.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
The difference between intuition and insecurity is insecurity is based on the past and intuition is based on the present. You don't want a bad past relationship to impact your notes on the relationship you're in today. But you wanna check it. So if you have an insecurity, you should check it. If you have an intuition, you should check it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And I think the problem is we're trying to make decisions based on intuition or insecurity, when actually what we should be doing is asking questions. So there's two questions I believe that everyone should ask as early as possible in a relationship. The first is, how do you show love? That person may say to you, I show love by always showing up on time. I show love by always picking up the phone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I show love by always responding to a text message. And all of a sudden you realize that you were just insecure about whether they loved you or not, because you were measuring whether they loved you based on how your ex loved you, rather than asking them how do they show love. Because you didn't see them turning up on time as love, you saw it as being timely.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
You didn't see them picking up the phone as love. You saw that as being available. You didn't see them as texting back as being love. You saw them as being responsive. But that was love through being available, responsive, because that's how they see love. And you should tell that person how you see love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Now you take away insecurities because now I don't have to guess whether a text or a lack of one is love or not because the person's told me how they show love. And the second question is, What do you need when you're sad? What do you need when you're having a bad day? What would you like me to do? Because the truth is we're all guessing. It's where our intuition fails us sometimes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
We're thinking, what do I need on a bad day? And we're trying to give it to that person. And what's really interesting is we think people love the way we do. And when they don't, we feel hurt. So we feel, well, if I was stuck or having a bad day, I know I'd want a hug. I know I'd want a really nice message. I know I'd want you to turn up. And so we do that to that person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And that person goes, wait, wait, wait, this is too much. I didn't need this. And we think, oh, well, that person doesn't love me. They don't appreciate me. But actually we never checked in with them. And so to me, intuition and insecurity are all about checking. And these are my two favorite questions. That's so good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
You don't know in that moment. your gut's lying to you. It's just plain and simple. It's very unrealistic for anyone to know in the first month of dating whether someone is the one or one of the people they'll be with. Now that person may evolve into the one, but you can't truly guarantee you knew it in that moment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yes. When you ask someone a question, We think their answer is a prediction of the future, but actually it's a projection of their values. It's a projection of their insecurities. It's a projection of what they believed was possible for them. I'll give an example. I remember a friend of mine was starting to date another girl that we knew.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
You may say that in hindsight, and a lot of people will be like, and by the way, me and Radhi say that too. I felt like I knew that. By the way, when I met Radhi, I knew in the first week or the first couple of weeks that she was the one. I would have said that then. Now when I look back on that statement, I realize how crazy that was because I didn't even know what was expected of me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
What's been expected of me in the last 12 years has made me realize she's the one every day I could never have known that on our wedding day. And by the way, even if your intuition turns out to be right, that's beautiful. But let's not put that out there as advice. That's what I'm trying to get to. And so I always say to people that you'll fall in love with three people in your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
The first is a firework. It lights up the sky. It's a big bang, but it fades very, very quickly. And we all fall in love with that person. There's a second person you'll fall in love with, which is the candle. It burns not as bright, it's a bit calmer. It burns longer, but you might even put it out yourself because it gets boring. And then the third person is the mirror.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And the mirror compassionately holds up to you a reflection of yourself, shows you all your flaws, your weaknesses. And the problem is a lot of us can't handle that. We think the mirror is broken because we don't want to see that. And so we push that away. And that's usually the one. The one's usually the person who can hold up the mirror to you in a compassionate and non-judgmental way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So you'll have people who hold up the mirror to you, but they'll do it by going, look at who you are, don't you see it? That's not the one. You'll have people who hold up the mirror to you, but it's a broken mirror because they're just projecting their brokenness onto you, and that's not the one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
The one is the person who compassionately, non-judgmentally, with love and empathetically holds up a mirror to you and allows you to hold up a mirror to them. And I don't believe that's one person that's out there. It's the person that you both do it for. It has to be a mutual thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And so I think we need to lose this idea of this destined, fated, perfect person, fully formed, fully created that exists and go, who's willing to work for me and who am I willing to work for? Who's willing to learn with me and who am I willing to learn for? Who's willing to grow for me and who am I willing to grow for? And you won't know that in the first month.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
You have no idea in the first month whether someone's willing to grow for you, whether someone's willing to learn for you, whether someone's willing to change for you. Go through the challenges, grow through the challenges, make mistakes, see how you respond and live through that. And so you know someone loves you not when you have a great first date, but when you have a great first fight.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
You know someone loves you not when they surprise you on your birthday, but when they can deal with you having a surprising or challenging emotion. You know someone loves you not when you have an amazing vacation together, but when you figured out how to be okay when you didn't have one. That's how you learned that you loved each other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
When I look at me and Radhi, I look at the fact that when we moved country, when I lost my jobs, when I was transitioning, when we're figuring stuff out, that's what proves to me that she's the one. Not the amazing wedding we had and not the amazing early dates we had. They don't now prove to me that we love each other. So I don't think you get to see that for a long time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And it is that investment. And there was a study that I read that showed that to make someone an acquaintance, a casual acquaintance in your life, takes 40 hours. To consider someone a friend in your life, you have to spend 100 hours. And to consider someone a good friend in your life, you have to spend 200 hours. If you haven't spent 200 hours together yet, you really don't know this person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And when he asked all our guy friends what they thought of this girl, they all said, she's a bit dominant. She's a bit controlling. And it was really interesting because I was watching this happen and he responded and said, I kind of like it when a woman's in charge. He said, I really like it when a woman takes the lead.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And I think that's why as adults it's so hard to find adult friends and why it's so hard to date because it's very unlikely that as an adult you have 200 hours to get to know someone. But that's true and I feel that resonates. When I think about anyone I feel knows me deeply and that I know deeply, I've spent 200 hours with them. In your first month of dating, what do you know about this person?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
You don't know about their relationship with their parents. You don't know about their relationship with their siblings. You don't know about their relationship with their boss. You don't know about their relationship with you in any other circumstance apart from on this interview-like date. You actually know very little about this person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And so until you've actually lived life and experienced different facets of their life, let's not start building a life with someone that we don't know anything about their life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
and I'm so glad you remembered that and it resonated with you. I'm not saying you're sitting there either judging them as well and going, wait a minute, are they trustworthy? It's not either or. And the reason I say that is because I think we give away trust too easily. If you've not seen someone in multiple moods, And when you're in multiple moods, how can you trust them?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Because you don't know how they're going to respond to you being a certain way. So you can't trust them in that specific experience. And so your trust is very broad and overarching. And I think at one point, we just have to stop breaking our own heart because we don't fall in love with the person. We fall in love with who we expect them to be. We don't fall in love with the person that they are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
We fall in love with the potential that we see for them. We don't fall in love with the acts that they show us. We fall in love with the dreams that we hope they're gonna help us build. And so our constant reality is being lived in our head. And now you're not living in reality. You're living in your mind. And then that person doesn't live up to the picture in your mind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
They're living in the real world and now they hurt you. And so we break our own hearts because we don't allow that person to earn our trust. We break our own hearts because we don't, let them prove themselves in different experiences and scenarios. And we break our own heart because we imagined who they were before they showed us they were.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And he goes, she may take the lead emotionally, but I take the lead financially. And so he goes, I'm not threatened by that. I'm actually really comfortable about it. But all of my other guy friends were really uncomfortable about that. Now, does this make them wrong in him, right? No. It's just showing that we all have a different skew. We have a different priority. We have a different take.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And so we're constantly, we're just constantly breaking our own hearts because You just don't know how someone's going to do something until you see them do it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I think the first thing you have to understand is you can't fix anyone, right? You can't fix someone else, but you can break yourself in the process. You can't fix someone else, but you can waste a lot of years believing that you can. And you can't fix anyone, but you can convince yourself that it's your responsibility. So I think those are the three things we do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
We convince ourself it's our responsibility, we convince ourself it's only a matter of time, and we convince ourself I'm ready to do anything it takes to fix them. Because guess what, we believe if we fight hard enough, I can make the wrong person the right person. Why do we do it? Number one, it validates us. It gives our life meaning and value.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
We have a role to play and we believe we have a target to hit. If we can successfully make this person fixed, we did something amazing. It's actually about us. The second reason is we don't want to be with a loser. by what we think is a loser. We don't want to be with someone because that now brings down our value.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
We now feel, well, if I'm with someone who doesn't sort themselves out, then everyone else is going to think that I have no value. So now again, thinking about our value again, we're actually not thinking about them. And third, if we're truly compassionate and altruistic and really caring about them, we genuinely see their potential.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
You see their potential and you're thinking they could just be amazing. They could be phenomenal. And maybe there is a part of you that does it from a deep sense of care because you can see how amazing they are. But the reason you can't fix them is because maybe that's not what they want to fix. Maybe that's not how they see they're broken.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Maybe that's not the part of themselves they want to mend. The potential you see isn't the potential they see. They maybe don't even want that life. I remember saying that to Radhi for so long where it was like, I didn't want her to mirror her life off of anything I wanted to do. I was like, I want you to do exactly what you want to do. And Radley loved learning.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So she did courses and she did Ayurveda and she did yoga teacher training. She was doing all this education because she was so happy and excited about it. She did a book because she was excited about it. She launched a podcast because she was excited about learning. And I've had so many people say to me, like, I wish he was more ambitious.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And I'm like, well, then go and find someone more ambitious. Because chances are he doesn't want to be ambitious. He's showing you every day that he doesn't want to be ambitious. And you think because you're ambitious, you can make him ambitious. No, you can't. You can make him try harder for a month, but he's going to go back to being that same person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Exactly. He's now carrying the guilt. And now he's insecure, wondering if you're going to leave him because he actually thinks that you might because you're not satisfied with him. Every time he meets an ambitious man, he's now judging himself and measuring himself up against that person. But he doesn't want to be that. He has different values.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
But all of the guys were like, no, she's the worst. Like, I would never date her. Like, don't go out with her. And he's now happily married to her. And they have a great relationship. Now, if he would have listened to them, because he thought, wait a minute, there's seven people here that I trust and respect telling me that this woman's wrong for me, he would have made the wrong decision.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And so going back to a point we made earlier, getting someone to value what you value isn't love. If I convince you to value what I value, that isn't love. Love is I love what you value because it makes you who you are. I've always said that Radhi's number one value in life is family. It's always her number one value. My number one value in life is purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I will choose purpose over a family event. Radhi will choose family over a purpose event for her. Neither is right or wrong, it's just who we are. And I love that for her. If she would choose to go and spend time with her family over an event that I had to go to, I would love that for her. Why? It makes her the person I love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
The reason she's so adorable and lovable and everything is because of her value. And why would she be happy for me to choose purpose over the family event? Because she knows that's what makes me lovable. The man that she loves, the man that she admires, the man that she respects is that man who makes that choice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So you trying to change your partner's values are gonna make them less of the person you love and more of the person you don't love. You're actually gonna take away from them their spark and their joy and their heart and their value and everything and you're actually gonna become their kryptonite and shrink them because you're taking away what they value.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah, absolutely. There's three things. The first is you have to check whether that person wants to change and how they want to change and who they want to be. And that will take time because it will take time for them to open up and admit
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Because let's say they want to be that person they were before, that's hard for them to admit because it feels really far for them and they feel it's quite impossible. So in the beginning, they may say, I don't want to talk about it. In the beginning, they may say, no, I love who I am. In the beginning, they may say, no, I'm happy with how life's going.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
But those are just defense mechanisms to not really go there because they find it an unimaginable task to become that person again. So you have to be patient and check and that will take time. The second thing after checking and seeing if they're even ready for change, if they are, is are you open to being the person that is now required of you while they change? Are you willing to be patient?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And so I think so many of us don't actually base our decisions on even our self-worth or our self-awareness or our self-knowledge. We base it on other people's insecurities. And if you're making big decisions based on other people's little insecurities, you're setting yourself up for a big failure because you may move away from someone who's so close to being the right person for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Are you willing to shift? Are you willing to adjust in order to be patient now that you know how they're changing and where they're growing and going? It's all about you, it's not about them. It's about, are you okay with that? And then the third is, are you willing to fall in love with them again?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Are you willing to fall in love with the same person again now that they're a different person or are you not? So it's all about you. We think it's about them. I'll give you a really practical example. I was working with someone years ago now and they had discovered that their partner was addicted to porn.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
and it was really hurtful to them because they didn't want to be in a partnership where the other person had this addiction. So their first reaction was, this has to end, I can't be with this person, I thought they were the one, I can't believe it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
When they sat themselves down and finally got the partner to open up, who by the way was ashamed, guilty, dealing with all of their stress around this themselves, the partner finally said, I don't want to have this addiction either. I really want to work on it. So now we move to question number two.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
After the checking and knowing, the question was, and I asked them this question, are you willing to be patient? Are you willing to realize that your partner will have days where they will fall back into their addiction? Are you willing to tolerate the idea that you may feel betrayed? Are you willing to tolerate the memories you'll have of the pictures they have on their phone?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
because none of that's going away. So it's not about whether you can forgive them, it's about whether you can tolerate your memories, your pain and your stress that keeps coming back every time you look at them. Are you willing to change and adjust because now you know where they wanna go? And are you willing to go at their timeline, not yours? It's your question.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
That person at that time said, yes, I'm gonna wait. I believe in them and I'm gonna wait. And then the third step is, were they willing to fall in love with the same person who's now a different person? That couple's been together for as long as I've known them now. And it was a long process. It wasn't easy. If someone's an addict, it's gonna take a long time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
By the way, the person who was doing the waiting, they probably lost years of their life while they were supporting that person as well. But they wanted to do that. They opted in for that life. And I don't think someone should be shamed or guilted for staying or leaving based on where they are in their life because you have to live based on your values.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And so, yes, you may end up realizing that 10 years down the line, you're married to someone who has a different set of values. And let's paint the opposite picture. They like where their life's going. They don't want to change. They don't want to go back to who they were. Sadly, you have to ask yourself the same question two and three. Do I wanna change with this change? Do I even have to change?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Or actually, can I just be the same? And can I fall in love with this person again now that they're a different person? And if you can't, sadly, that is how things end. But you shouldn't force yourself to keep looking for the person they once were in the person they are today, because you're gonna spend your whole life searching for someone who's disappeared. or doesn't exist anymore.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And you're going to keep hoping and waiting for that person to come back. And people waste their whole life doing that when that person left a long time ago.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I was just about to say that all of those questions are unanswerable. All of those questions have no answer. If I asked you the question to think about like, well, how long do you think it's going to take for you to figure out this addiction? That person doesn't have a clue. It's your timeline.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And when you don't want to make it about your timeline, you want to make it about the person, what you're doing is you're actually putting pressure on them to change next week. I always say to someone, I'm like, it's going to take someone like seven years to change. Like if you really look at human change, it takes three to seven years for someone to actually change.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So you're committing to a long period of time if you're gonna commit to change. And that's if someone's actually doing the work, putting in the time, putting in the energy. Now what ends up happening is people usually put in the energy, but then fall back. And when you're waiting for them to change, you're like, wait a minute, last month you were doing everything right. What's going on right now?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And now what you're doing is creating stress for yourself and them. If you're not willing to wait three to 10 years, chances are it's not going to happen in three months, depending on what the change is. But I think a lot of us want things to happen in months that take years. And it's an unanswerable question because no one knows.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And by the way, that person will always flip-flop because that's what change is like. Change isn't linear. It isn't in one direction. It's multi-direction and multifaceted and up and down. And so if you don't want to tolerate that, if you don't feel ready to do that, you're well within your rights to say, I can't do this. And I think...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
It's so hard when we live our lives based on someone else's timeline. You can't. You'll always be chasing it or pressurizing it or pushing it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yes, absolutely. You're so right. And it's all about your level of tolerance and patience. And you being really clear about your timelines helps them be clear about theirs. If you say, hey, I'm willing to give this six months. I'm willing to give this 12 months. Let me put a timeline on it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Absolutely, you're spot on. And the reason why you want to get to a point where you're only hearing your voice is one voice is easier to manage than 30 voices, right? Like, let's just be honest. Most of us are surrounded by 30, 40, 50 opinions. So yes, when you disappear, move away from all the opinions. The way I recommend you do that is doing a 30-day opinions fast.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
For me, that's how much I'm willing to be in this uncertainty to figure this out with you, however you want me to help you, however you want to open up about it. But at that point, I have to make a decision for my future. And now you're not putting pressure on them saying, you have to have solved your problem. You're saying, that's how much time I'm giving myself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And I think that's what we're looking for, but we're looking for it from them. And that person is not going to give you any clarity.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yes and no. So two things. The first is your tolerance of the memories, betrayal and pain. The question isn't, can you recover? The question is, are you okay with remembering? The question isn't, can you recover? The question is, can you make sure not to remind them? The question isn't, can you not recover? The question is, how do I stop myself from making that our reality?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
You can always recover if you make those choices. And again, it comes back down to the person who didn't do the cheating or didn't do the mistake because it's you who actually have to live with it. And the same is true for that person. Can they live in a relationship where they always feel a sense of shame? Are they willing to rise even with a sense of guilt?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Are they willing to try and change even though they carry that pain because they have a pain as well? And so it's such a together but independent thing because you're both having to tolerate and be patient about the same stuff but on different ends of the spectrum. One person's feeling shame and guilt
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
and the other person's feeling pain and stress and a sense of worthlessness, potentially, for someone if it's been that deep. And it's all about how long we can tolerate those things for and move on. And that's not easy for both. And especially not for the person who actually was on the receiving end of it. But that's what's required of it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So I think there's mistakes on both sides. So the mistake on the person who is on the receiving end is you now need to do more to make me feel more secure. But I'm not going to do the work of trying to be more tolerant and patient with what I remember.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Correct. But that person could do all of that. And if you don't process it, you still will feel that way. Now, I'm not saying it's your fault. I'm just saying that's the reality if you want it to recover. It isn't your fault. This is not your fault. We have to just be really clear about it. It's not your fault. It shouldn't have got there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
But that person could do everything right from now on, and this relationship could still go wrong because you didn't process what you had to process. So on your part, that's the mistake.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
On the other person's part, the mistake happens is either they're overcompensating in really inauthentic ways, or they feel so guilt and shamed by it that they now bring it up in every argument and go, oh, but you're always going to play that card. Oh, but don't play that card. Like, oh, no, no, you're not allowed to use that card this time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And if 30 days is too long, try a seven-day opinion fast. So for seven days, Anytime you think about asking someone for their opinion, whether it's what should I wear? What should I eat? What movie should I watch? What TV show should I watch? For the next seven days, you're not allowed to ask anyone. So every time you have that inkling of, oh, let me just ask Lisa, what should I do? No, no, no.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And now they start building rules about when and where it's used. And you're like, wait a minute, I'm the one who is on the receiving end of that. I get to decide when I talk about it. And so you haven't come to an agreement together about the vocabulary, the language, the connection of how is this discussed? Where does it land? At what point are we complete through the healing process?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
At what point am I comfortable to not talk about it again? At what point am I gonna bring it up and you can't rush me on that? That's the conversation that needs to be happening, not the conversation of, have you forgiven me yet? That's not the conversation. The conversation is, We may have to let this heal and talk about this for 12 months. Whereas it's not like, okay, have you forgiven me?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
It's been a week. Have you forgiven me? It's been a year. Have you forgiven? No, no, no. What do we actually need to talk about? Let's focus on that, not the end point. We're all focused on the end. Like, when will you forgive me? I don't know. When will you forget about it? I don't know. So let's not talk about deadlines.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Let's talk about what this relationship looks like, what the vocabulary around this conversation is. When should we bring it up? How should we raise it? Are we going to do therapy together? That's the conversations we want to be having if we both want this to work. And that's the critical starting point. Do we both want this to work?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I think sometimes the person who's forgiving thinks, I'm going to forgive you. This is going to work out. You made a decision on your own. but that person didn't have to do anything. You just said, oh, I forgive you, let's just move on, it's okay. But that person didn't get to take part in that decision. You don't even know if they want to be there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
You don't even know if they want forgiveness or what that forgiveness looks like to them. So now you could be forgiving someone who's happy to continue to make that mistake because you never got their buy-in on that decision you just made. So you made it easier because you were like, I solved it, it's fixed, I've forgiven it, let's move on. But you haven't because you don't know where they stand.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah, you control it. You have the power. Like, don't live in a world where you're giving them power again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah. The first habit for self-worth, I'd say, is take on a daily or weekly challenge. Take on a challenge that you set yourself first. that you set the challenge, the limit, the time limit, how hard it is, the difficulty level, whether it's learning a new language, whether it's a new workout, whether it's a new sport, and your self-worth will grow every time you accomplish a new level.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Your self-worth grows when you do hard things, when you do uncomfortable things, when you do difficult things on your own and you see that you can do it. When you see yourself lifting that much more in the gym, when you see yourself feeling that much stronger, all of a sudden your self-worth grows because you get belief that I can do this, this is possible for me. Another way you grow self-worth
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I'm going to ask myself first. I'm going to ask myself and I'm going to have the courage to make the decision and go out there anyway. So I'm going to resist that urge to try on the outfit, take a picture, send it to a group of friends, try on the other outfit. No, no, no. I'm just going to make a decision. And I'm going to see what it feels like. Let's start with really low hanging fruit.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
is undoing and unwiring the trauma and the patterns that hold you back from the past. Now, what is a daily habit? How do you do that as a daily habit? What you want to do is find one thing that you repeat that your parents did that you don't love. Just find one thing. And what you want to do is you want to be conscious of that one trigger and how it shows up in your life. Every day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
You're not guilting yourself. You're not judging yourself. You're becoming aware of it so you can spot it and transform it. So for me, I'll give an example. I found that a lot of my early caregivers overloved me, but then guilted me for not overloving them back. So they gave me lots of love, But then if I didn't give them back the same level of love, they'd say, you don't love me.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And I found myself doing that to Radhi. I found myself doing that to my friends. I found myself doing that to people in my life. I'd over love them and then guilt them for not loving me. So I found one thing. And I realized that guilting my wife didn't make her love me more. It pushed her away. Guilting my wife made her feel that I didn't love her because I would treat her that way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And all I did for one year was I was aware of that every day. And every time I thought about guilting her, I would remind myself of how guilt didn't make me love that person more. It pushed me away. And so that technique that I'd subconsciously picked up was actually breaking what I wanted. It wasn't actually getting me where I wanted.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So become aware of just one pattern, get into the details of it like that. The third habit for self-worth I'd say is Ask people that you love and trust what you're really good at and what they notice in you that they appreciate. Because you'll find that often they'll say things that you've never even thought of. Ask them, what do I do really, really well? What skill do I have?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
What do you appreciate about me? What do you see about me? These are people you love and trust, so it's not an uncomfortable conversation to have. Just be like, I'm doing a self-worth exercise. I'm trying to learn more about myself.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And one of the things Jay and Lisa told me to do was to ask people that I love and trust what skills I have, what qualities I have, what they really admire about me, what I'm good at, what I appreciate. Fourth step, with the people that you're really close to, be okay with asking, what do I need to work on? and work on that, that will build self-worth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Self-worth isn't just about pumping yourself up. It's about noticing what's letting people down and building it and growing it and working on that. Not to become a people pleaser or to make it up to them to say, look, I've changed now, but to say, oh, I've identified that I can work on that. I'm confident working on it. Self-worth is not being confident about what you're great at.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
It's being confident enough to accept that there are things you're bad at and working on them. That's what self-worth is. I think we've painted self-worth to be all about the light, the positive, the good. Self-worth is being able to move in the shadows, to go into the cave of your darkness, the negativity, the bad, and feel comfortable in that and reconcile the two.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
That's what self-worth's about. And the fifth and final one I'd say is... Program your thoughts When you wake up and when you go to bed There's something that I learned from a guest of mine called Raul John DL and he's a surgeon and a Dreams expert and he was talking about this idea of something called sleep entry and sleep exit and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Let's not do it when we're going to like the biggest party of the year or whatever it is. Do it when you're going out for movie night, picking a dinner, picking a TV show to watch. Make it really simple. Do it for the simple things. When you start doing it for the simple things, what happens? You start realizing there was no right outfit. You start realizing there was no right pair of earrings.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And so sleep entry is this idea of when you're just about to fall asleep, and sleep exit is almost when you're just about to wake up. And those moments are the moments where you can remember your dreams, you can program your subconscious thoughts. You're in that kind of mid-state of you're not fully awake and you're not fully asleep. It's a really interesting space to be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And I would encourage everyone to code and program the thought that they want to have in those moments. So if you think about it, you set an alarm the night before you wake up so that you can wake up in the morning. You don't set an alarm the minute you wake up. It doesn't make sense. You would never do that. So you have to code and program the thought you wake up with the night before.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So when I'm going to sleep, what is the thought I want to wake up with? I am energized, healthy, rested, rejuvenated. I am whatever it is. Program that thought the night before, wake up with that thought, and again, choose that thought. So there are 60 to 80,000 thoughts we have per day. Studies show we have 80% negative, 80% repetitive thoughts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So most of us are saying the same things to ourselves again and again. We wake up in the morning, I look tired. Wake up in the morning, oh, there's a spot on my face. Wake up in the morning, I put on weight. Wake up in the morning, you know, whatever it is, we're just saying negative things to ourselves. And guess what? You say the same things to yourself every day for years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
That's what leads to burnout. Let's take ownership of that thought and every day plant the seed of the thought that you wanna wake up with and that you wanna sleep with, whatever it may be, whatever you're manifesting, whatever you're growing in your life, because you already say the same things to yourself every day. So why not say things to yourself that you actually want to say?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
First of all, write down all of the negative thoughts and everything that's going on and everything you're thinking about in a book, a journal, outside of your bedroom. Don't do it in bed. A lot of people sit in bed and start writing. Well, now the energy of your bed is heavy with all of the things you just wrote.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
She asked me really deep questions that made me really reflect. And whether you've just been through a breakup, whether someone's taken advantage of you, whether you feel like someone's just led you on, this episode is for you. Thank you so much for listening. Let's dive in. The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only, Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Write about it in another room, leave it there, put it on your phone, leave it there on a notes app, but do it in another room. When you get into bed, either listen to your voice repeating the words that you want in your head so that you now start listening and trusting your own inner voice and having trust in your intuition,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Read it again and again if you don't like the sound of your voice and you think it's cringe. Actually, then you should listen to it even more so that you realize your voice is not cringe. Read it again and again and again off a piece of paper as it becomes your main thought because it's all repetition. And see how it feels in your body.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So I always say when you're repeating a phrase or a mantra, you have to believe it in your body You have to mean it in your mind and you have to feel it in your heart. And so every time you say a statement, it's not just saying it, you're trying to believe it in your body. What does it feel like when I believe that's true for me?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
All you realize is that you start trusting your own voice inside. You start trusting your choice. Or you start realizing when you could have learned a little bit, when you could have got something better. There was something that was editable. And now you realize it's all doable. It's not life or death. So you've got to start with the small stuff.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Like if I go to sleep believing I am waking up healthy, rejuvenated and rested, I feel strong, I feel steady, I don't feel like this anymore. My body changes. If I'm gonna mean it in my mind, I've got to focus on how powerful it is when I wake up with a really focused mindset. And finally, I've got to feel in my heart.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I've got to feel what it feels like to live a day that starts off with health and abundance. When you can do it in that way, reading or listening to your own voice, all of a sudden it starts to become programmed. It's as simple as that. It's not complicated.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah, try it. Whatever affirmation, whatever you want to say. And it's not like some, I always like to take away the mysticism of it. It's not magic. You're doing it anyway. You already tell yourself, I sucked at work today. You're already telling yourself, oh, I didn't work out hard enough today. Oh, I forgot to do this today. You're already doing it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So you're just replacing it with what you actually want to think that actually makes you better. It's not magic.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I know, I love it. I freaking love you so much. It was such a great conversation. You're the best.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yes, I'm going on tour for the first time ever with the podcast. It's amazing. Which I'm so excited. I'll be interviewing special guests in 15 cities across the United States.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
You have to do it. It's so much. I'm so excited about it because I know that there's people who listen to my podcast on purpose. forget every week, every day. And I'm like, imagine being in the room with me and a special guest, asking questions, being present in the room. We're going to have an interactive experience. Just the idea that you already tune in. Why not come in and tune in person?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And so you can go to jshetty.me forward slash tour. So that's jshetty.me forward slash tour. And I can't wait to see everyone. I can't wait to just see the On Purpose community that we built over the last six years and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I can't wait. I'm really excited.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Yeah. Jay Shetty across TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, podcasts on Apple, Spotify, iHeart and all the apps. Yeah. Anyway, Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
If you love this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your ex and find true love in your relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And the reason, Lisa, I say start with the small stuff is because that voice, that inner voice that you and me have has got so quiet. It's got so weak. That's what that inner child, that inner voice is like inside of us. You can barely hear it. So that's step one. Step two, like you said, now you realize it's actually your voice.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
You're sitting there on your own and your voice says, I hate being alone. I hate being alone. I hate being alone. There's three things that are important when you hear the words, I hate being alone. The first is all the studies show that when we make a decision because we don't want to be alone, we pick the wrong person.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
All the studies show we stay with the wrong person when we're scared of being alone. And thirdly, we settle for less than we deserve. We have to realize that the person you're going to pick when you're alone is almost guaranteed to be the wrong person. You're going to accept behavior you never would. You're going to settle for language you never would.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
You're gonna accept actions that you never would because that's where your decision's being made. Now that's logic. But the voice I'm being alone is not logical. The voice I'm scared of being alone is emotional.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
I think so many people today who are desperate and scared of being single don't realize that that pain of being single is far less than the pain of being in a relationship and wanting a divorce or a breakup. When you're in that position, you can't get out of it. It's a lot harder than the pain of, will I find someone?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
If you've got the courage, and I really believe everyone gets to this point in their life, you have to sit with yourself and ask yourself, why? Why am I scared of being alone? Where did that come from? Is it because everyone in my family always told me that marriage was the pinnacle of life? Is it because all of my friends are getting engaged and proposed to?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Is it because I grew up in a big family and I like being surrounded by people? Is it because I don't have someone to go to movies with or I don't have someone to go out to brunch with on the weekend? What is it? And then what you do is for each need that you think a partner is gonna solve, you find another person in your life who can solve it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So make a list, brunch, watching movies, going out, vulnerable talk, whatever it is that you think a partner is going to provide, go and find one friend that solves it. And all of a sudden your life starts to feel full. All of a sudden you're not alone anymore. because you've found friendship, you've found connection, now you're in a position of peace. I'll give an example actually, Lisa.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
So I became Match.com's relationship advisor a year ago. And the goal was I wanted to create a platform where I could create my philosophy but make it practical. Anyway, the reason I say that is we did an event for 100 singles in LA just two, three weeks ago. Everyone came with open minds, it was really interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
But the reason I brought it up is I was talking to people about how we have two mindsets when it comes to dating and finding love. One is we have a passive mindset. Oh, it will happen when it happens. Oh, you know, I'm not really looking for it. It will just appear. And secretly, deep down, we're really scared and insecure. But we have this passive exterior.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Exactly. And then the second thing we have, I was telling this group, is that you have a pressure-filled mindset. So the pressure is, oh my God, everyone's got engaged. Oh my God, everyone's got married. Oh my God, everyone's having kids. Oh my God, everyone's dating. Oh my God, everyone's on vacation. So now it's like desperation. How will being passive or feeling pressure ever, ever attract love?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Being passive doesn't attract love. Feeling pressure and desperation doesn't attract love. The state that attracts love is peace, or at least it attracts a peaceful love, which is what I think we all truly want. And so if you're passive, you'll attract a neglectful love. If you're desperate, you'll attract a weak love. But if you're peaceful, you attract a peaceful love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And the reason I say this is if you were able to come up with all the reasons you don't want to be alone and find people to help with all of those feelings, you're now in a state of peace. That's why that's the answer that works.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Oh gosh, such a good question, Elise, honestly. I can think of like at least five people I know that are in that position. And everything I'm about to say, I want it to be noted that I'm saying it from a place of empathy and compassion because this isn't about judgment and it isn't about shame and it isn't about guilt. because I think often we feel that way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
We're scared of actually saying this to our friends because we're scared they'll judge us and say, we told you so. We're scared of telling our families because they'll say, I knew that guy wasn't right for you. And all of a sudden you feel shamed and guilted. And I always say to people, guilt blocks growth and shame blocks shifts. You're not going to get from guilt and shame to growth and shifting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
It's just not gonna happen. So the reason we're chasing the wrong person is because we're running away from the right person, right? We've confused inconsistency with excitement and we've confused stability with boredom. We've confused attention with love And we've confused effort with desperation. If someone puts in effort, we see them as being desperate.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
If someone puts in time, we see them as being needy. If someone turns up and shows up we think they're the one who needs us because we've convinced ourselves that love is chasing someone rather than wanting someone who never wants to leave. We've convinced ourselves that this treadmill This rat race of convincing someone to stay is what love is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And so I think the problem is we've created very unhealthy views of love. And by the way, I see this all the time. At that event that I was just talking about, one of the guys, he said to me, he said, why is it that when someone's putting effort, I feel like they're not attractive?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
And I said, because you're thinking about the next three to six months and not thinking about the next five to 10 years. I promise you in five to 10 years, you'll want someone who wants to sit with you and do nothing on the couch. In five to 10 years, you'll want someone who texts you every day to check in with how work is.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
In five to 10 years, you'll want someone who when they're traveling, don't forget to call you because they want to make sure that you've checked in. But for the first three to six months, you kind of want someone who's giving you two things. You want someone who's giving you a feeling of excitement and a feeling of stress. Because that's ultimately what chemistry is, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Stop Chasing Emotionally Unavailable People (Listen To This To Attract a Long Term Relationship And Stop Wasting Your Time In The Wrong Ones) With Lisa Bilyeu
Will they give me their number? That's the stress. The excitement is, I got their number. The stress is... oh my God, what should I text them? The excitement is, oh my God, they just text me back. The stress is, oh my gosh, are they going to say yes to a second date? The excitement is, yes, they just said yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life. Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
acerola cherry, and lion's mane mushroom, and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants, and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code on purpose to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code on purpose. Some psychologists define meaning as being about coherence and purpose, the understanding we have of our lives and the direction where we hope they're going.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Others argue that significance is just as important as coherence and purpose, that we need to have a sense of our lives intrinsic value. But regardless of what you believe, meaning and the search for meaning will always be a personal endeavor. There are no right answers. The way I found meaning in my life may not be how you find meaning in yours. That doesn't mean that one is better or worse.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
This isn't a competition. And there are no prizes awarded at the end. It just means that meaning and the search for meaning is an individual as people are. That said, a rich and meaningful life tends to have a few things in common. The first is that it involves passion, caring deeply about what you do for a living or even the hobbies in your life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Making and sustaining strong social relationships is another important factor, as there is a connection among the strength of our friendships, our sense of belonging and our perception that our lives are full and meaningful. Finally, there's our overall positivity. The more positive our mood and the more we feel in control of our environments will also enhance our sense of meaning.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
You can literally do a one-minute breathing exercise. Personally, I love the soundscapes. Nothing like a little rain on leaves to help soothe my nervous system. I've actually been working with Calm for a couple of years now and I'd love for you to check out my series on reducing overwhelm. Eight short practices, quick relief.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Let me give you another way to look at the richness of life. As humans, we're all given two things, time and energy. We use both to foster experiences and create social interactions in our lives. Time, in varying measures, is one of the foundations of being born and of being human. It's when our personal clock starts ticking.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
We all know we have time, we just don't know how much or when that time will run out. If we're privileged to be in good health and we live at an era in a culture where life is relatively peaceful, chances are good that we will live a normal lifespan, which today in the US at least is 80 years for women and nearly 75 years for men, averaging out between the two sexes at 77 years.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
We're also given energy or vitality, physical and mental power, the capacity to engage in work and to exert ourselves. Together, time and energy form the basis of every one of our lives. What does it mean then when we ask ourselves, who's the richest man in the world? And of course, ultimately, who's the richest person in the world?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
I only focused on the male gender for the perspective of asking this question, but what makes us feel the richest? We've talked about money. We've talked about qualities. But it leaves us with the greatest gift. It's how we use our time and energy. Someone can be time rich because they have lots of time. We often talk about feeling time poor these days.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
We're running from meeting to meeting, running from this to that. So we're time poor and maybe money okay. But what about being time rich? That's a value. What about being energy rich? We take care of our energy. We manage our energy. I want us to expand our definition of rich so that time and energy are also there just like money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Right now, listeners of On Purpose get 40% off a subscription to Calm Premium at calm.com forward slash j. That's c-a-l-m.com forward slash j-a-y for 40% off. Calm your mind, change your life. No one says I love money, but everyone agrees that they appreciate what money brings them. Peace of mind, diminished anxiety. Most of us are rightly worried about what will happen in the future.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
According to one survey, we all spend 28 years of our lifetime sleeping, 15 years engaged in work, 13 years relaxing, 7 years performing everyday household chores, 5 years socializing, and 4 years eating and drinking. Over the course of an average lifetime, we'll work a dozen jobs and interact with roughly 80,000 people.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Our heart will beat 2.92 billion times or 100,000 beats a day, and our eyes will blink 420 million times or around 5.3 million blinks per year. We'll take 672 million breaths and walk roughly 63,000 miles. That's what it means to be alive. And it's so important that we figure out how we want to use that time alive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
So let's really look at richness as beyond money when we're thinking about our lives and think about, is this a year where I want to be wealthy and travel? Is this a year where I want to be wealthy in experiences? I remember speaking to a friend the other day and he was like, You know, the last couple of years, I haven't made as much money as I, you know, usually do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
And I said to him, but you fell in love. You found the greatest wealth of all. You found a life partner that you've proposed to. You're going to get married to. Like, what an incredible investment. And I think it's a really interesting thing that we have to think about where it's like, there are going to be seasons in our life. Some seasons are all about financial growth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Some seasons are all about family growth. Some seasons are all about relationship growth. And I think what makes our life hard and complicated is either when we're trying to do all of them all at once, or we feel bad that we're prioritizing one, right? There's a feeling that when we're prioritizing one,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
our financial health and our financial wealth, that with some way we feel guilty that we're not investing in the other things. And guess what? It takes away the joy from building your financial position. And then when you're spending time with friends and family, you're then feeling guilty that you're not building your company. And so what we do is we actually let our internal state
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
be clouded by shame and guilt for what we're focused on. So I'm here to remind you, let's take away that shame and guilt. Let's take away that judgment. Let's focus in on the real thing, the real growth, right? Let's focus in on going, okay, what season am I in? What year am I in? Is this a year where I'm really focused on my career?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Or is this a year where I'm really, really focused on my family? Or is this a year that I really need to focus on love? And I think so many of us are trying to do everything all at the same time that we don't achieve anything and then we feel worse. And I think often we're made to feel guilty and judged for focusing, for prioritizing, but we all know it's so hard otherwise, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
What have you ever achieved when you weren't focusing? I know there was a part of my work where, that I kept trying to outsource for the last few years. It's been something I'm really passionate about, but I haven't had the time because I've been working on so many other things. In the last 12 months, I decided to put so much more focus on it. And all of a sudden, it was transformative.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
it shifted, it moved. And so if we don't move our energy towards something, it won't move. And if we're trying to equally perfectly divide up our energy across a couple of areas, across a couple of things, we, you know, recognize that that's all we're going to ever get back from it, right? That's all we're ever going to get back from it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Now, when you look at Bronnie Ware's beautiful book about the five regrets of the dying, she says they are, I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. Tell them. If you've got someone that you need to open your heart to this week, you want to open your heart to, tell them. The second is, I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends. Call that person. Reach out. Don't hold back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
The third is, I wish I'd lived a life true to myself, not the life that other people expected of me. That's what I was talking about earlier. What is rich for you? Define rich, define wealthy, define wealth this year. Don't be pulled and pushed around by the opinions of others. The fourth is, I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
And if nothing else, money gives us the false confidence to believe that what happens, good or bad, will probably be okay. But absent the concept of money, what else can rich mean? What does it mean, for example, to live a rich life?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
And I think that's a challenging one because we all have to work to survive. And I think we'll all feel that way, but I also want to give us grace to not have that regret and recognize we had, some of us may have felt like we had to, we needed to. And the fifth is, this is the more important side of it, I think. I wish I'd allowed myself to be happier. It's so beautiful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
I wish I'd allowed myself to be happier. How could you be happier today? How could you be richer today? Because you choose to be. You allow yourself to be. How could you be more abundant today? Because you choose to be. You allow yourself to be. How could you be wealthier today? Because you choose to be. You allow yourself to be. You look in that direction. right? You look in that direction.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
You amplify that. You bring it to life. I'm so grateful for your time and energy today. I hope this leaves you feeling lighter, richer, wealthier, recognizing that there is so much wealth in your life. And I hope it allows you to create more financial wealth as well with that abundance mindset. Take care of yourselves. Remember, I'm forever in your corner and always rooting for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
If you loved this episode, you'll love my conversation with Dr. Joe Dispenza on why stress and overthinking negatively impacts your brain and heart and how to change your habits that are on autopilot. Listen to it right now. How many times?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm Jay Shetty, and as always, I'm so grateful you're taking the time to be with me here for our latest episode. If you've been listening recently, you know we've had some incredible guests, incredible workshops for our Fridays, and it just keeps getting better.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Whenever any of you tell me, when I bump into you, that you've been listening, you've left a review, that you're enjoying and appreciating the guests and the conversations, I truly appreciate the depth of what you share with me. So if you ever see me, let me know. It means the world to me, and I'm so grateful to have you here. Today, as we talk about this theme of defining wealth,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
defining success, not chasing and pursuing the things that other people are important, but actually focusing on the things that we believe are a priority, living our lives on our terms, focused and fixated on our goals that are truly ours, right? When someone tells me their dream, the first thing I ask them, if their dream is is really their dream?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Or is it their mothers or fathers, their sisters or brothers, their family members, their teacher in school, whatever it may be? So many of us use our time chasing a dream that isn't even ours. And in order to take us on this journey today, I want to ask you a question. And when I ask you this question, a lot of you may see it as a simple matter of math.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
And the question can be easily answered by plugging it into Google or chat GPT. The question is, who's the richest man in the world? Now, it's probably safe to say that most of us define the word rich in exactly the same way, money. Who has the most assets or resources or stuff?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Who has the greatest number of houses around the world, a supercar collection, maybe horses, artwork, wine collection, swimming pools, tennis courts, whatever it may be. Maybe they own a football team. Now, if you go online, the answer comes up at once.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Right now, in the latter part of 2024, when I'm recording this, the richest man in the world is the tech entrepreneur Elon Musk, who owns X, which used to be known as Twitter, and companies like Tesla, SpaceX, and Starlink. If online estimates can be believed, today Elon Musk has a net worth of $263 billion. billion dollars.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Others on the richest man in the world list, which is heavy on fortunes derived from technology, are in second place Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon.com, with $224 billion. And down the list, Larry Ellison of Oracle, Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft, and Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Meta. But today I want to challenge us to look at wealth and richness through a different lens.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Now, I've never been the one to say money doesn't buy happiness. I think money can solve lots of problems. And I actually believe that learning to manage, invest, and grow our financial stability is a really important skill. And we have other episodes with experts on the show about that. But today I really want to focus on this idea of how we define wealth. what we think of as rich.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
And the truth is, rich is personal. Two years ago, the financial services firm Charles Schwab conducted a survey of 1,000 Americans from 21 to 75. What does it take to be considered wealthy or rich, respondents were asked. When the results were crunched, the somewhat random answer came in at around $2.2 million. Now, why that particular figure?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
No one has a clue, especially since the net worth of the average American household is approximately $120,000, all of which goes to show that if your net worth exceeds $120,000, you may not be rich in the sense of having $2.2 million, but you're better off than most of your fellow Americans. Now, why even ask this question?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Partly because in the US, at least, we live in a culture that's preoccupied with the making, spending, and sometimes flaunting of money. One of the greatest privileges of being able to work, live, and travel abroad is the recognition that what we assume to be universally true is in fact more of a function of where you grew up and where you live.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
As listeners to this show, you know I was born in London, lived in India for some time while I was a monk and across the UK during that time, and moved to the US nearly a decade ago. It's been around eight years now. One of the first things I noticed is that in America, one of the most common questions I was ever asked is, what do you do for a living? And it's really interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
If you think about it, all of us at an event are asked, what do you do? What do you do for work? Our work has become our identity. What we do as our career has defined our personalities. But if you look at around the globe, asking another person what they do for a living might be actually a bit more rare. And we might find that bizarre because we don't even know of a place like that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Cultures like Scandinavia are intensely private to the point where entering an elevator and saying hello to the other passengers is seen almost as personal trespass. Now, I'm not proposing one or the other. I'm making the point as to how much our identity gets wrapped up in the work we do. I remember having the fortune of sitting down with the late Kobe Bryant.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
And what I was amazed by was that he was an athlete who was at peace in retirement, which is very rare because naturally so much of your identity becomes about playing the sport. It becomes about being known as one of the best athletes of all time. But he was able to detach and disconnect from that and create a new identity.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
I had the fortune of interviewing Tom Hanks recently, just a couple of weeks ago on the podcast. And what I sensed from him was that he was peace in his career. And yes, you could say he's had a largely successful career. Of course he has. He's had a phenomenal career. But it was also that he wasn't hanging on to it. He wasn't chasing it. There was a peace around him.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
And that's what I was trying to understand. What's the difference between someone who achieves and has peace? So it's almost like someone who achieves and receives peace versus someone who achieves and then just needs to keep achieving. And what do we define as an achievement? So has rich always been linked to money is a really interesting question to look at. And the answer is yes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
And it goes all the way back to the Middle Ages. The original old English word, rice, spelled exactly like the carbohydrate, led to the word rich. Even back then, rice referred directly to how much money a person had, and was also connected to power, strength, and high social status.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
So from early on in our evolution as humans, there has been a strong link between money, power, rulership, and the attendant high regard of others. Arguably, the same is true today. Now, what I'm interested in this episode to do is not to discourage you from having financial ambitions. I don't believe that that's the point.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
What I've realized actually is that it's not whether you have something or don't that makes you happy when it comes to material, physical things. It's what you don't have. So for example, if you have money and envy, that will ruin you. If you have money and ego, that will ruin you. If you have money and a lack of gratitude, that will ruin you. And if you have money and no envy, that's beautiful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
If you have money and no ego, that's beautiful. If you have money and gratitude, that's incredible. So what I found over time that the missing link wasn't about the material thing. It was about the emotional part of the experience of having or not having that thing. That quality, that attribute is what transformed how we felt.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Okay, I am so excited about this because we've got the first ever merch drop for On Purpose. It's finally here. And for World Mental Health Day, we're doing an exclusive limited edition drop with all the proceeds going to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, NAMI. So now you can wear your On Purpose merch, listen to the podcast, and know that you too are having an impact.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
I want to thank you so much in advance. I can't wait to see all of your pictures wearing the merch, their sweatshirts, a hat, t-shirts. Check it out on our website, jshettyshop.com. That's jshettyshop.com. And remember, 100% of the proceeds go to NAMI.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
So today what I want to explore is different ways in which we can be rich, different ways in which we can be wealthy, because I really believe that part of it is creating an abundance mindset. That's what this episode is really about. How do we create a rich, abundant mindset as opposed to this scarcity mindset? The poverty in our mind is contagious, right? So how do we change that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Experience has always taught me that no matter who you are, humans want to feel a sense of contentment, a sense of ease in their lives. They seek a sense of purpose, which they often find in their work, and they seek social bonds and love.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
If you're a man whose biological goal it is to provide for and protect your family, your happiness can derive from the job you do and the positive feelings you derive from making sure your loved ones are safe and attended to. But let's also be very clear. Money, even though no one likes to talk about it, matters. Money is important.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
No one says, I love money, but everyone agrees that they appreciate what money brings them. Peace of mind, diminished anxiety. Most of us are rightly worried about what will happen in the future. And if nothing else, money gives us the false confidence to believe that what happens, good or bad, will probably be okay. But absent the concept of money, what else can rich mean?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
What does it mean, for example, to live a rich life? A few years ago, I read a wonderful article in the newspaper where the writer spoke about the difference between resume virtues and eulogy virtues. In the first category are those abilities and credentials that people bring to their workplace.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
And in the second category are those qualities that people discuss and get emotional about and remember once you're gone. These are known as eulogy virtues. And while there may occasionally be some overlap between the two, it's striking that in the second category are the words such as honest and loyal and a good friend and a loving husband and parent and a great number of our community.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
But as the article I read pointed out, if we focus exclusively on our resume virtues, there will inevitably come a time in our lives when we begin feeling a little bit hollow, as though we've missed the point of life. This was what it was all about all along?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
getting another promotion, earning a bigger paycheck, staying at high-end hotels, suddenly you consider friends of yours who maybe haven't made the same investment in their careers as you have, who've lived quieter, steadier lives, filled with children, good meals, the occasional vacation, and the effort to make a difference in the worlds they inhabit. Maybe they haven't won an award.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Maybe they haven't come close to earning millions of dollars. But they've lived a rich life as well, learning, growing, and being. This isn't, again, to discourage you. It's to say, what parts of your wealth do you want to expand? What parts have you not invested in? Rich, then, has a lot to do with the choices we make about what has meaning and what doesn't.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
What does it mean to lead a rich and meaningful life? It's a question nearly everyone confronts at some point in their own journey, and one that great thinkers and philosophers have been wrestling with since the beginning of time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Even asking this question is a positive step, as it gives us space from what the world appears to define as having meaning—example, behaviors, habits, and rituals that lead only to accumulation of economic growth. You may ask yourself, who am I and why am I doing what I'm doing in this life? Is this something I love doing? If it isn't, then what do I want to do instead? What was I put here for?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Let's be honest, life is stressful. It's work, it's relationships, and the state of the world. But there's a way to bring that stress level down. Calm. It's the number one app for mental wellness with tons of content to manage anxiety, promote concentration, and help you unwind. There's music, meditation, and more. Calm makes it easy to de-stress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
This isn't just about what we do for a living, it's about the very why of our being. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
5 Ways to Achieve a ‘Rich Life’ & Change Your Mindset from Scarcity to Abundance
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
The next principle is one that sounds like it should be obvious, but it's counterintuitive. It's called the rest is productive principle. Understand that rest is an active strategy for energy. Listen to this carefully. Rest isn't a luxury. It's a necessity. Rest isn't an option. It's a priority. Rest isn't something we should be hoping for. It's something we should plan for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jshetty.me forward slash tour and get yours today. Listen to this carefully. Rest isn't a luxury. It's a necessity.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Rest is something we all need and deserve. It's so interesting to me that so many people will forego rest in order to be more productive, in order to be more effective, in order to be more efficient, not realizing the quality of their work is dwindling, not realizing the efficiency of their work is going down, not realizing that their productivity is decreasing. If you keep going...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
I promise you, you're not making great stuff. If you keep pushing, I promise you, you're not making anything better. And if you keep on doing it, I promise you, it's not sustainable. We have to learn to realize rest is productive. Rest is effective. Rest is strategic. So what do you need to do? Schedule rest periods.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Include deliberate rest and downtime in your calendar, whether it's a 30-minute nap, the weekend off, or an evening of relaxation. It's so easy to skip these. Most people don't even take their annual vacations and annual leave because they think they have too much to do, not realizing that we do it less well. We take longer to do short tasks. We have to work harder to do easier things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
We get weaker and weaker when actually rest would have made us stronger and sharper. It's also really important to set recovery time after work. After intense work sessions or meetings, take time to reset before jumping into your next task. I promise you it will actually make you better. I think that's the point. A lot of people think, well, I don't have time to rest.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Well, actually, if you took time to rest, everything else would become quicker, faster, simpler, easier. That's the point. And also it's about mindful rest, rest that actually helps you rejuvenate, not just switching off. The next principle is essentially the art of saying no principle. Learning to say no is a vital skill.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Every yes takes up time and energy, so saying no to low-priority things is essential to conserve your energy. And how do you say no? You have to practice it. Start small. Say no to non-essential meetings, events, tasks, things that don't align with your bigger goal. and filter opportunities. Ask yourself, will this energize me or deplete me?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Often we look at our calendar and we say, oh, there's nothing on that evening. Sure, I'll be there. But we didn't actually evaluate the thing we're actually going to, right? Do I want to go to that thing? Does that thing actually energize me? Do those people energize me? We waste so much energy and we burn out because we look at things as time, not energy, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
We live in a time management world, not in an energy management world. So if we have time for something, we'll do it. Not asking ourselves, do we have the energy for it? So here's a quick way to think about it. Every time someone invites you to do something or someone invites you to attend something, ask yourself, not only do I have the time, but secondly, do I have the energy?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
And do I know what kind of energy that event's gonna demand? Maybe it's going to demand for you to be extroverted, to meet lots of people, to shake hands, to smile, to make eye contact. And you don't want that. You really need a break. I've noticed this in my own life sometimes where I say no to something, not because I don't want to go. It's because I can't take the energy I'd like to go with.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
So the power of saying no is extremely important. This one I love as well, the small wins principle. Celebrate the little victories. Celebrating small achievements can have a significant impact on your motivation and energy. They create a sense of momentum, making larger tasks seem more achievable. Break larger tasks into bite-sized goals and make those goals your milestones that you celebrate.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
One of my favorite things to do with my team is something that we call weekly wins, where every week we'll sit down and we'll go through everyone's weekly wins and it will blow your mind what people think of, what they come up with, what they value. It teaches you so much about each other. And I think we often undervalue how much we can learn from that kind of a system.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
So many people will forego rest in order to be more productive, in order to be more effective, in order to be more efficient, not realizing the quality of their work is dwindling, not realizing the efficiency of their work is going down, not realizing that their productivity is decreasing. If you keep going, I promise you, you're not making great stuff. The number one health and wellness podcast.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
One of my favorite ways to manage my energy is to do a personal energy audit. Track your energy levels throughout the day for one week and identify your natural peak energy windows, mornings, afternoons, evenings, and note when you feel drained or fatigued. And create a personalized daily schedule that aligns with your high energy periods. So like I know that the morning hours from like 9 a.m.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
till 2 to 3 p.m., I am my best self. I'm going to do my hardest tasks in that time. So if it's writing my book, I'm doing it in that time. If it's my big podcast interviews, I'm doing it at that time. If it's studying and research, I'm doing it at that time. But I can do social meetings.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
I can do other meetings all after that time because it doesn't rely on my creative energy and my focus energy in the way those tasks do. I think so many of us, when you look at your day, it's all over the place. Maybe you've got your best energy at 4 p.m., but you're doing the least important thing. Maybe you've got your worst energy at 9am and you're doing the most important thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
And it constantly works like that. So find a way just to focus on when do you feel the most energized? I think we live in this world where everyone's like, I'm a morning person, I'm an evening person, but we've got to figure out what it is for us rather than pressurizing ourselves to be one or the other. The other thing is having a break and energizing ritual.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Implement a 30-minute recharge cycle where every 30 minutes of work is followed by a five-minute active break. This also helps you avoid feeling distracted doing that 30 minutes because you know you have it coming up and it helps you avoid mental fatigue and keeps your energy flowing. So it could be a five-minute active break like stretching, walking, walking,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
going and grabbing some water, breath work, looking out of a window, having a conversation, right? Making those different activities during that break. So after every 30 minutes, take that five minutes. Could be a couple of minutes of meditation. It's a really, really simple way to maintain your energy. I really hope that you're going to try these out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
I really hope that you put them into practice. And I really, truly hope that you get the benefit of recognizing that you deserve rest, you deserve a break. I hope you'll take one. I'm a big believer in starting with simple, easy actions that build momentum. Whether it's making your bed or taking a few minutes for yourself in the morning, these little wins can boost your energy and focus.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Today, I want to talk about how those small wins add up and how even something as simple as a body scrub can make a big difference in how you feel. Let's dive in. I'm a huge believer that when you knock out little tasks first thing, it sets the tone for the rest of your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
This could be something as simple as making your bed, getting that first cup of coffee, or whatever it is, taking care of your body. One of the easiest wins for me and something that's made a huge difference is starting my day with a simple self-care routine.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Now, I'm not talking about spending 30 minutes in front of the mirror doing all kinds of complicated skincare stuff, but just a few simple steps that make me feel fresh, clean, and ready to take on the day. One of those steps, using the Dove Men Plus Care Body and Face Scrub. It's quick, it's easy, and it helps me start the day feeling refreshed,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Here's the thing, we often overlook how much our skin can affect how we feel. If you're feeling sluggish or tired, just a quick scrub in the shower can be a game changer. Now let's talk about why this actually works. Self-care isn't just about looking good, it's about feeling good. When you feel refreshed and ready to go, it boosts your energy levels and your focus.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
A lot of times we try to find external sources of energy, whether it's caffeine, energy drinks, or just pushing through. But we often forget that taking care of your skin is where your real energy starts. Here's what I've learned. When I take a few minutes in the morning to refresh my body and mind, I feel better. And no, I'm not talking about a complicated routine or taking up a ton of time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
It's about simple habits that make a big impact for me. Using the Dove Men Plus Care Body and Face Scrub is part of that. It's an all-in-one product that saves me time, it's easy to use, and it leaves my skin feeling great. When my skin feels good, I feel good, and that translates to more energy. I use it in the shower three to five times a week.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
You apply it to wet skin, rinse it off, and follow up with whatever body wash or cleaning bar you like. That's it. It's super simple, but it makes a real difference. The Dove Men Plus Care Body Face Scrub clears away dirt and grime, gives my skin that fresh feel, and it's one thing less I have to worry about. It's about simple habits that make a big impact.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host, Jay Shetty, and I am so grateful that you've joined me today. I wanted to start by saying that I want you to leave this episode knowing how you don't have to feel drained. I know that you're carrying a lot. I know that it feels heavy. And I know that it's felt that way for a long, long time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
For me, using the Dove Men Care Body and Face Scrub is part of that. It's an all-in-one product that saves me time. It's easy to use and it leaves my skin feeling great. When my skin feels good, I feel good. And that translates to more energy. I use it in the shower three to five times a week. You apply it to wet skin, rinse it off, and follow up with whatever body wash or cleansing bar you like.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
That's it. It's super simple, but it makes a real difference. The Dove Men Plus Care Body and Face Scrub clears away dirt and grime, gives my skin that fresh feel, and it's one less thing I have to worry about. Now, here's something that I think is key. You can't just focus on keeping your energy high all day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
If you're pushing yourself too hard and not making time to rest, eventually you're going to crash. Rest isn't a luxury. It's a part of staying energized. It's all about balance. I know some people talk about powering through the day and grinding it out. But to be honest, the most successful people I know are the ones who are good at taking breaks and making time to reset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
If you don't give your body and mind a moment to recharge, eventually you're going to burn out. In fact, I think the key to staying energized is learning how to refuel when you need to. And self-care, whether it's a quick shower or a few minutes of downtime, is part of that process. You want to feel energized for the long haul, and that means making time to refresh yourself during the day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Let's shift gears a bit and talk about how simplicity plays a huge role in staying energized. I know we've all heard that less is more thing before, but it's true when it comes to your daily routine. Overcomplicating things can lead to overwhelm and that takes away your energy. The goal here is to simplify these things and remove the extra stress that drains you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
The key is to find those little moments where you can simplify your life and cut out the unnecessary clutter. Make things easy, make things efficient, and make sure you're taking care of yourself while you do it. Now, if you're wondering why the Dove Men Plus Care Body Face and Scrub specifically, it's because it's so straightforward. There's nothing complicated about it. It just works.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
It exfoliates, it cleanses, and it leaves your skin feeling smooth and clean without drying you out. And you don't need to spend 20 minutes in the shower to feel the difference. Plus the fact that it works for both your face and your body is a huge win for me. I don't want to be running around with multiple products in the shower, especially when I'm traveling.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
This scrub covers both areas and it does it fast. In just a few minutes, I feel like I've given my skin the reset it needs to take on the day. So to sum up, staying energized doesn't have to mean packing your day with endless tasks or burning the candle at both ends.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
The key is in the balance, making time to take care of yourself, simplifying your routines, and finding those small wins that set you up for success. Adding something like Dove Men Plus Care Body and Face Scrub to your morning or post-workout routine doesn't take long, but it makes a difference. And when you feel good physically, you're going to have more energy for the rest of your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
It's about finding those moments where you can recharge, reset, and keep moving forward without burning out. Thanks for tuning in today. I hope this helps you stay energized without overloading yourself. And hey, if you've tried the Dove Scrub, let me know how it's worked for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Or if you've got your own simple self-care habits that help you power through, hit me up on socials and I'll catch you next time. Thank you so much for listening to this conversation. If you enjoyed it, you'll love my chat with Adam Grant on why discomfort is the key to growth and the strategies for unlocking your hidden potential.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
If you know you want to be more and achieve more this year, go check it out right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
But you don't have to carry someone else's baggage. You don't have to push someone else's rock up a hill. You don't have to climb the mountain that others want you to climb. And today's episode is all about how you can break free from feeling drained and exhausted all the time to actually feeling energized and feeling present.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
And the principles and insights and ideas I'm going to share with you today, if you can just start putting one into practice, you will see your life change. So the first thing that I want to talk about is you have to start focusing on progress, and the process, not perfection. So many of us are addicted to perfection. And maybe we became that way because of our parents.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Maybe you were the kid who got nine out of 10 and your parents asked, why didn't you get 10 out of 10? Maybe you're the kid who always tried their best, but that was never good enough if you didn't finish above everyone else. Maybe you were the kid that would create something new and interesting and unique, but it didn't look perfect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Or maybe it came to you later on in life where you felt the pressure to dress a certain way, to present yourself a certain way, because everyone else was, and you've never felt perfect enough. But the truth is, Anyone who's aiming for perfection doesn't get there by focusing on perfection. They get there through iterating and shifting the process and focusing on progress.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
When we say practice makes perfect, practice is all about process and progress. And what we need to do in order to do that is we have to break large projects into smaller, achievable tasks. We need to learn to celebrate small wins and milestones rather than waiting for the final result.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
We have to allow ourselves to make mistakes, embrace imperfection, and significantly reduce the mental and emotional strain. reduce unnecessary pressure, increase satisfaction with progress, and prevent emotional fatigue from perfectionism. What I want you to do is for the next seven days, I want you to start something without the pressure of it feeling perfect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Or even better than that, the next time you get asked to do a presentation, aim for 70%. Do you know that at college, if you get 70%, I remember at least in London, that's a first-class degree. It's a first-class standard, anything above 70. So whether you got 70 or 99, you got a first-class degree. But today, we even feel that 99 isn't 100, right? We even feel 99 is not perfect.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Start growing and building something up to 70%. Launch it at 70%, write it at 70%, record it at 70%, post it at 70%. Everything needs to just be 70%. And what you'll find is that the more you release at 70%, the better you'll get at moving from 70 to 100. The problem is we don't start. We get stuck at 0% because we want to be at 100%. Start at 70%.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
The second thing I want to talk to you about is something I call the energy leaks principle. What I want you to do is I want you to identify and plug the energy leaks. Just as a leaky bucket loses water, you lose energy through various activities, people, or habits. identifying and addressing these energy leaks is crucial for maintaining high energy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
I think we don't realize how many things we do on a weekly basis that we repeatedly do that leak our energy. It could be watching your favorite team lose every weekend. You lose energy every time they lose, but you still turn up to watch. Maybe you lose energy when you spend time with the same people every week.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Maybe you lose energy when you eat that same thing for lunch and then you have a slump for the rest of the day. We all repeatedly do things that waste, leak, or lose energy. For the next three days, I want you to become a master at knowing where your energy is leaking. I want you to become really conscious and aware of where you're losing energy so that you can actually change it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
So the first step is evaluating toxic relationships or draining social interactions and setting a boundary to minimize them. As soon as you leave a group of people or you leave a place you go to often, ask yourself, how do I feel? Do I feel energized or do I feel drained? Do I feel enthusiastic or do I feel tired? How do you feel after a group of people?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
It's almost like when we leave a movie theater, you'll ask yourself, hey, did we like that movie? Nah, it wasn't that great, was it? It wasn't, you know, the characters were off, the plot was off. I didn't really like the ending. Or when you go to a restaurant with friends, it's really natural to rate that restaurant. I loved the pasta, but I didn't love the pizza so much.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
And the starters were great, but I didn't love the mains. right? It's a really normal conversation. We evaluate, and then we know whether we're going back to that restaurant again, or we know whether we'll never, ever go back ever again. But we don't do the same with people. And I'm not saying to be critical or be condescending. It's to evaluate how we feel. Is that a place?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Is that a person I want to revisit? That's the question. Is that a place or a person I want to revisit? What will happen if and when I revisit? Chances are, if I've done this long enough, I already know the result. So if I'm going to do it, I better be fully aware that I better actually be totally conscious of how I'm going to feel when I leave. The second thing is limit time-wasting activities.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Identify activities that deplete your energy without providing much return. Could be scrolling on social media. Too many unnecessary meetings. This is something I really want you to think about. If you have a Zoom call, after the Zoom call, ask yourself, could that have been a phone call? Now, after a phone call, ask yourself, could that have been a email?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Now, if it's an email, ask yourself, could that have been a text, a Slack message? Always ask yourself whether the meeting you're in is actually a powerful use of your time. And I also find that it's so interesting that our schedule has defined meetings to have to be 30 minutes or 60 minutes. But why can't they be 10? Why can't they be 15?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
How many times have you sat in an hour-long meeting and thought to yourself, this should have been a 10-minute phone call. This should have been a three-minute email. This should have been a 30-second Slack message. But we still schedule meetings. Imagine you looked at your schedule today for the next week and just re-evaluated what really was worth a one-hour meeting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
So many hours are wasted in the workplace because we think everything needs to be a meeting. Everything needs to be a Zoom call. Everyone's on it and everyone's just sitting around. There's two people having a conversation. Only two people are talking, but there's 20 people on this Zoom. Is it necessary? Is it needed?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Are we really being as productive, effective, and more importantly, are we protecting our energy? Ask yourself, could the Zoom have been a phone call, the phone call been email, the email been a Slack message? Are we using our time wisely? And if you're scrolling on social media, why not read a book? If you don't want to read a book, why not read an article?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
If you're not reading an article, why not read some poetry? What is it that you can do that satisfies, that satiates that thirst that you have to want to learn, to want to see something, to want to be entertained? I want it too. One of the things I try and do is I leave books open in different places in my home that I'm likely to sit down with my phone. And I've created a specific phone area.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
It's in a space that I get ready and I try to leave my phone there throughout the day so that that's the only area I use my phone. It's almost like what a landline used to be, right? Your landline wasn't something you could carry everywhere with you and life went on just fine, right? It's really interesting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
I think a lot of us are like, well, I need to respond right now, but we didn't for years, right? And we don't with our laptops. So what if you treated your phone like a landline? It stayed in that place. If you wanted to use it, that's where you went. And try and make it an uncomfortable place.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
I've made mine a place where I have to stand to use it because I know if I sit down and use it, I could be on it for hours. And I don't want that because it's a energy depleting task. It's an energy depleting space. The third step in this is decluttering your environment. A cluttered workspace or home can drain your energy by creating mental overload. Keep your surroundings organized and calm.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
I think so many of us feel that we feel overwhelmed mentally because our spaces are overwhelming, right? Our spaces are overly loaded up. Our spaces... are so busy that our mind feels busy. How many times have you ever felt that, that you feel busy on the inside because everything's crazy and chaotic on the outside?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
So our outside energy has a big impact on how we conduct ourselves, how we value ourselves, how we see things. And it's definitely something to pay attention to and look out for. The next principle is the boundaries for energy principle. Set clear boundaries to protect your energy. Without boundaries, it's easy to become overcommitted, which is what leads to burnout.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Establishing clear limits in work, social life, and personal time will protect your energy. Now, one of the biggest mistakes I think we make is that our social life infiltrates our work life. We're scrolling, we're messaging, we're commenting on Instagram during our work hours. And then guess what? Now work infiltrates our social life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
When our emailing, working, making posts or whatever we do, also when we're at home, when we're in our space. It's so, so, so important to set clear work hours, especially if you work remotely and stick to them. Turn off notifications after hours to reduce the temptation to work beyond your time. And do the same when you're at work. Respect both spaces. I think that's the interesting thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do This Every Morning to Boost Energy & Stay Focused (3 Minute Habit to Kickstart Your Day)
We don't respect home and we don't respect work. We don't give ourselves the time we need. We don't give ourselves the actual space we need in either place. We're constantly bleeding and blending the lines. It's really important to protect those boundaries.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Everyone who's trying to build an online following right now, the rule of thumb is that it takes two years of posting consistently to break through. Why? Because those two years, you're basically moving through learn, experiment, perform, struggle.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Step number three. This is my favorite piece of advice that I truly believe will change your life. You have to decide what type of year it's going to be. And you have five choices. Learn, experiment, perform, struggle, thrive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
If you've posted every single day or multiple times per week for two years, I promise you, you have learned, you've experimented, you've performed, you've struggled for sure, and now you're going to thrive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
What I mean by this is, if you want a win, but you have never learned, you've never experiment, you've never performed, and you've never struggled, you can't suddenly thrive. You can't go from zero to 100 this year if you've never done this thing. if you have no background in it. So often our goals are just so lofty and so high that we miss the steps.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
If you want to thrive, you will have to learn, you'll have to experiment, you'll have to perform, you'll have to struggle, and then you'll thrive. There is no one who has skipped any of those. So what I mean by that is, let's say last year you spent a lot of time learning. This is the year to start experimenting. Maybe last year you spent a lot of time experimenting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
This is the year to get into a groove and start performing. Maybe you've been performing and maybe you've been going through some struggle. Now, I'm not saying the whole year is going to be struggle, but there's going to be challenges. And maybe you've done all of those four and this is the year you finally win.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
If you look at everyone who's trying to build an online following right now, the rule of thumb is that it takes two years of posting consistently to to breakthrough. Why? Because those two years, you're basically moving through learn, experiment, perform, struggle.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
If you've posted every single day or multiple times per week for two years, I promise you, you have learned, you've experimented, you've performed, you've struggled for sure, and now you're going to thrive. It's interesting how there's that tipping point, that threshold from which you launch this brilliance, but it comes in that order.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Sometimes we struggle because we always want it to be a thrive year. We want every year to be the year we win awards, the year we win trophies. I've actually noticed that there have been certain things where I've built relationships for five years and then they're fructified. There are things I'm going to be doing in 2025 that you're going to see and you're going to be mind blown.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
And I've been working on them for six years. You just won't have seen that. It's the invisible. That's what's so crazy. That learn, experiment, perform and struggle are all invisible and the thrive is visible. So when you see me have my next win, you'll say, oh, that's amazing. That's incredible.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
But I promised you, I promise you over the last five years, it's been learn, experiment, perform and struggle to get to that. And so knowing, being conscious of what type of year it's going to be is almost like asking yourself, what is this season like? For example, if you know it's winter and it's going to rain, you don't go in expecting sun. So now when you get rain, you're not disappointed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
And if you get sun, it's a bonus. So if you walk into this year and you say it's going to be a learning year, you're not expecting to win an award. It's like expecting rain. And when you expect rain, you can flow with it. You have your umbrella, you have your boots, you have all the gear you need to survive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Hey everyone, welcome to On Purpose 2025. This is going to be our biggest, best year yet. I want this year to be your most powerful, your most abundant, your most creative, your most mindful year yet. A year filled with opportunity. a year filled with wins and successes, a year filled with depth and fulfillment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
And by the way, if the sun creeps through, if you get an opportunity, you get a bonus, that's amazing. The challenge is we walk into every year wanting it to be summer. We want this year to be the best summer of all time. But we're not aware of what type of year it is. right? What type of exchange it is. And so ask yourself very clearly, is this a learning year? Is this an experimenting year?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Is this a performing year? Is this a struggle year or a thrive year? Now the struggle one I want to be careful with because our negativity bias goes, yep, it's going to be another struggle year. And the other thing I'm going to add is These are not years. You can do a learning quarter. It just depends on how quickly you want to learn. You could have an experimenting quarter.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
It depends on how quickly you want to experiment, right? Struggle is the one that's always going to come in. So I wouldn't even say it's going to be a struggle year. Is this the year you're going to learn? Is this the year you're going to experiment with ideas? Is this year you're going to perform or is this the year you're going to thrive? And they have to follow in that order.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
So if you tried, if you didn't do the first few, you're not suddenly going to switch to Thrive. You have to live through spring to get to summer, to get to autumn, to get to winter. That's how it works. You don't just get to fast forward and skip a few steps. So I really want you to take that in. Step number four. Remember this, it's small changes, but they're a big priority.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Most of us struggle with change because we want a big change, but it's a small priority. I'll give you an example. A small change is going to bed early, but it has to be a big priority because what happens is you miss one night.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
topples over you miss a second night it topples over you miss a third night it topples over and now you're beating yourself up so you need grace that you will topple over you need to know that your habit will go out the window i think the mistake we make is thinking this is the year of no mistakes the biggest mistake you will make this year is think that it's a year of no mistakes
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
You can't avoid mistakes. You can't avoid failure. Give yourself grace and give yourself the energy to get back from that mistake as quick as you can. To get back from that failure as quick as you can. The failure is not failing. The failure is to recognize that you will fail. And so your objective is not to avoid failure, but to get back up from failure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
If you realize that your focus and your energy should always be on how quick you can respond and react, not how you can avoid. And I think so many of us are putting so much energy into thinking, I'm going to avoid all failure and mistakes this year. And that is our greatest failure and mistake. Small changes, big priorities. right? What's the small change you're making? What's the big priority?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
What's the big priority? What is it that your sleep? It's a big priority this year. Your diet, it's a big priority this year. How are you going to make it easy for yourself? That's a really important part. How are you going to make it easy for yourself? to live that way. For example, like I've been really focused on my diet last year and I realized the only way to make it easy is to not eat out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
And when I am going to eat out, have a list of restaurants and meals set up on my Uber Eats that I know have great healthy takeout options, right? To be really conscious and aware before it gets that moment. Because if it gets that moment, I have no idea if I'm going to be able to maintain it. Step number five, This is huge. There's a great book called Measure What Matters.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
And this is what step five is about. What are you going to measure daily, weekly, monthly, and then yearly? You're not going to achieve your goal if you're not measuring it daily, weekly, monthly, yearly. We have to look at our social media podcast data every single day, every single week, every single month, every single year, so we can create better things for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
So we can get the best guests, so we can have the best conversations, release amazing workshops. I'm listening and learning from you all the time. So whatever your goal is, how are you going to measure it daily that you're learning that skill? Do you know that you're getting better at it? How are you going to measure it weekly? You have to measure what matters.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
If you don't measure it, it won't expand. If you don't measure it, it won't move. And a lot of us don't measure it. We just go with our feelings. And I think this is a challenge in today's world. I think in the past, past generations ignored their feelings. And the problem is we trust our feelings.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
This is the year you'll remember and look back on in years to come and say in 2025, I remember that episode where Jay said he wanted it to be the year that I finally get to where I want to get to, the year that I've been waiting for. Mark your calendars. Remember this year. The way we infuse our year with intention, with ideas, with identity, with energy is what we get back from it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
And the problem with trusting your feelings is you don't get a chance to do what's right for you sometimes. For example, before we ignored our feelings if we were burnt out. Today, if you're tired, you trust it and go, oh, I'm just going to be lazy today. But actually, getting a workout may actually benefit you more. But you have to measure that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
So I want you to figure out when you set your goal, how are you going to measure that you're on track daily, weekly, monthly, yearly? How are you measuring it? What's the yardstick? What's the post? What's the target you have to reach? What is it that when you're trying to grow a skill, for example, if you're trying to become a black belt in karate, you know you have the other belts before it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
How are you measuring that you're closer to your next belt? The sixth step of the method. is even after all this, if it's not working, if you're like, Jay, I tried all of that and it is not working, here's what you do. When something's not working in your life, when something's not changing in your life, when something's not building in your life, it's because you lack one of these three things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
The first is coaching. You might need someone who's been there, done that, who's three steps ahead of you, who's done the thing before and knows how to guide you and can set you up for success. The second thing is consistency. You might not have a consistent calendar of learning. You might not be learning often enough or deeply enough. And the third is community.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
You may have no one around you who wants the same goal. You may have no accountability. There's a famous quote that says, if you have five smart friends, you'll be the sixth. If you have five healthy friends, you'll be the sixth. If you have five rich friends, you'll be the sixth. But if you have five lazy friends, you'll be the sixth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
The point is you're going to become who you surround yourself with. No matter how much you think you're in control, energy is contagious. You will become like the people around you. So ask yourself, are they the future that you hope to have? Are they living the habits and rituals and practices that you want to build and develop?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
If it's not working after all of this, ask yourself, am I missing coaching, consistency, or community? The last thing I'm going to share with you, I think about every year this way. I ask myself every year, what am I launching? I ask myself every year, what am I learning? And I ask myself every year, what am I loving? Every year when I launch something, it gives me anxiety.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
It's a great feeling, that nervousness, being at the bottom of the mountain, the excitement. Every year I'm learning something, it gives me enthusiasm, insight, and a feeling of growth. And every year I'm loving something which gives me a sense of happiness and peace. This year, I'm loving doing the podcast. I'm learning to write my new book.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Thank you so much for listening to my first solo workshop of the year. These are our power workshops. Grateful to have spent this time together. And remember, I'm always rooting for you and I'm forever in your corner. 2025 is your year. 2025 is the year you'll remember as the year that you changed and transformed your life. Not because 2025 was different, but because you chose to be different.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
You chose to make a difference in your life. Thank you. If this year you're trying to live longer, live happier, live healthier, go and check out my conversation with the world's biggest longevity doctor, Peter Attia, on how to slow down aging and why your emotional health is directly impacting your physical health.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
And I think for so many of us, we've had so many years of trying new habits, trying new tasks, maybe trying to manifest. And when it doesn't work out, we get that enthusiasm again, but then it wanes after seven days, 14 days, 30 days, whatever it may be. This year it's changing. And the reason it's changing is not because this year is different. We often say, I hope this year brings...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Well, here's the reality. The year doesn't bring anything that you don't bring to it. The energy that you bring to 2025 is what you're going to receive back. This year can be your best year because you're going to be at your best. This year can be your most abundant year because you're going to focus on building an abundance mindset. This year...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
can be your most phenomenal year yet because you're going to bring your most phenomenal energy. What I'm sharing with you in today's episode is my proven, tried and tested six-step method to achieve all of your goals this year.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
I have tested this method, I've tried it, I've worked on it, I've practiced it over the last few years, and I have been able to accomplish my personal and professional goals every single year. And here's what I want to share with you. It's not magic. It's really not a secret because I'm sharing it. And it's something that each and every one of you can do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
I truly believe that if you follow this, if you listen really carefully, you will also get to where you want to go. Now, I'm going to say one thing. As you listen to me share this, please allow it to sink into your ears and into your mind and into your heart. Allow it to truly go that deep. Allow it to truly go that far. Don't just let this be a mental thinking exercise.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
When I'm sharing these ideas, let them become your reality. Let them become something you're thinking, believing, practicing. So the first step is identifying your one personal goal and your one professional goal. I'm going to ask you to just pick one top personal goal and one professional goal. Your professional goal could be, this is the year I get promoted.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Your professional goal could be, this is the year I launch that podcast. Your professional goal could be, this is the year I launch my new business. And your personal goal could be, this is the year I shed that weight. This is the year I build muscle. This is the year I get strong. But I want you to be really specific And I want you to describe it as if you're telling a story.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Imagine you were telling a story about this year to someone next year. And you were saying 2025 is the year that I shed that weight. I felt lighter. I felt stronger. I felt better. It's the year that I got promoted. It's the year that I worked really hard and showed myself what I was capable of. It's the year I discovered my potential.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
It's the year I was fascinated with this subject or this expertise. Talk about it as if you're being interviewed on a podcast and someone asked you, describe what happened that year. How did that year change your life? What was the most pivotal moment in that year that redefined your trajectory, that rewired your transformation, that brought you so much joy and passion in your life?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Talk about it like a story. Often we talk about our goals like theoretical, mathematical, algorithmic.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
tools our goals become this language that we don't really feel connected to it feels like something we want to do something we have to do something we wish would happen something we're waiting for to happen rather than a story that feels natural and organic often our goals feel so lofty and separated even in the language we use around them because we don't talk about them in how they feel.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
We talk about them in how we think they'll make us feel. So I want you to describe, write, pour out onto a page what your personal goal and professional goals sound like when described like a story to a friend, like an interview on a podcast, like you're sharing with someone how 2025 was the most pivotal year. What happened?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
I often have talked about in interviews how meeting monks was transformative for me. How in 2016, when my first video went viral, what that felt like. How in 2020, when I remember being able to serve so many of you through the pandemic, leading live meditations on Instagram and Facebook and YouTube. When I talk about it in hindsight,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
I've realized that I've got to learn to talk about it right now as I'm manifesting. And when I describe it like a story, it feels real to me, right? How many times have you ever written a goal and you don't even believe it, right? You write it down and you're already doubting it. You're already questioning it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
You're already investigating it, assessing it, evaluating it, wondering if it's even true and going to happen, right? But when you describe a story, when you describe something with passion and emotion and feelings, it hits you deeper. That's what self-belief is. You don't get self-belief because you write down a goal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
You get self-belief because you describe something in how you believe it's possible. So I want you to take that time, really spend some time describing it in that way. And the way I want you to think about your goals, because you might be saying, Jay, I've got more than two goals, one personal, one professional, I have so many. Well, here's the reality.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
20% of our life leads to 80% of our wins, right? The 80-20 rule. When you focus on the 20% that affects the entire 80%, But often what we do is we focus on working so hard on 80% of things that maybe impact 20% of things. When you're forced to pick one goal for each, you pick the root. You pick the habit that transforms it all.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Someone just asked me earlier today, Jay, what's the one habit that changed your life? And maybe they were thinking I was going to say something big, something profound. And I replied very simply, going to bed early. Because here's the reality. Going to bed early is the 20%. That affects the 80%. Let me explain what I mean. When you go to bed early, you feel rested.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
When you wake up, you feel focused. When you wake up, you feel energized. You eat less junk food because your body's not craving sugars to give you energy because you have energy. It's affecting 80% of your life, and it was one decision. One personal goal and one professional goal can absolutely transform your trajectory, so don't underestimate it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Don't underestimate the power of one goal in each. Now, step two. I want you to take your goal and ask yourself, what do I have to grow in in order to achieve that goal. This is the biggest misstep. It's not that I don't believe in goals, I believe more in growth. One of the biggest mistakes we make is we set goals, but we don't know how we need to grow in order to achieve them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
So if I said, hey, I really want to build this business, but the growth I need to do is I need to understand that industry. So what do I need to understand that industry? I need to read a book about that industry. I need to shadow someone in that industry. I need to get a coach in that industry. I need to go and learn online, listen to podcasts about that industry. That's the growth.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
What skill do I need to grow in order to achieve that goal? If you want to get promoted, what growth do you need to make? Do you need to learn sales better? Because let's say your goal is, hey, I want to get promoted. And in order to get promoted, you need to bring in a certain amount of business this year.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Now, if your goal just becomes this arbitrary target, I need to do X in sales this year, I need to do X as a result this year, that's not the growth. The growth is I need to build a sales skillset. I need to build a negotiation skillset. I need to build a networking skillset. Maybe that's what's holding you back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Growth is identifying what is that one skill that you don't have that is holding you back from a promotion. And the best way to decipher this, if you're trying to get promotion, is talk to your boss and say, what is the one skill that's holding me back? What am I missing that if I were to develop, it would be easy for you to give me a promotion, right? Same with starting a business.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Same with starting a podcast. What is the skill that you haven't learned that would help your podcast go from strength to strength? Einstein famously said, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. Maybe you've been making videos for 30 days and you're not going viral. What's a skill you need to learn?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
It's no point having a goal that says, I'm going to have a million followers by the end of this year. That doesn't mean anything. Setting your sights on a goal doesn't get you there. It's the system and the process. And this point in the system is always skipped. What's the skill? Is it learning thumbnail design? Is it learning the algorithm?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Is it recognizing that the first three to eight seconds of a video are all you have to capture attention? Is it making sure you have a call to action at the end? Is it making sure that people feel like sharing your content? What is it that you have not learned? What do you need to grow? What do you need to build? What's the skill you need to learn in order to catapult to the next level?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
And go and commit to learning that skill. Make this a skills year, not just a wish year. We live in a year full of wish lists, but there's a skill we're missing. Maybe the skill is discipline. Maybe it's sales. Maybe it's negotiation. Maybe it's relationship building. Maybe it's public speaking. Whatever it is, you can develop it if you put enough work into it. and obsess over that skill.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
Make it the plan for your next four weekends. Saturday and Sunday are going to be dedicated to building that skill. Saturday and Sunday for the next month, the next three months are going to be completely absorbed in developing that skill. Is it organization? Is it social media management? What is it that's holding you back from that big win? The goal is not enough.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
And that's where so many of us go wrong. We set this goal. And then at the end of the year, we go, I didn't achieve my goals. Well, of course you didn't because you didn't grow the skill. You didn't grow the muscle. The goal isn't going to make a difference. So take a look, figure out what it is that's holding you back. What skill are you missing?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
6 Step Blueprint to Achieve All Your Goals for 2025 (Proven Method- Don't Skip This)
that is blocking you from becoming the version of yourself that you know you can be. A goal, a different level to achieve requires a different level from you, right? It requires a different frequency from you. And that's what you're focusing on growing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Or is it a piece of art that inspires you? What's the first thing you see when you get back from work? Is it a disorganized cupboard? Or is it a closet that has everything in the right place? When you change what you see first thing in the morning, first thing when you come back from work, and last thing before you go to bed, you transform your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
And the third reason why this is so important is a cluttered bedroom can negatively impact sleep quality. Studies have shown that people sleeping in cluttered rooms are more likely to experience sleep disturbances, including difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep. So if you're one of those people that's just been struggling to fall asleep, to get a good night's sleep, to get into REM sleep,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
And you're wondering, why is it? I'm eating early. I'm trying to work out. I am tired. It could be the clutter in your bedroom. Let it go. And one thing that we often overlook is clutter is connected to emotional well-being. Clutter is associated with negative emotions, such as confusion, tension, and irritability.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
And conversely, an organized home can promote feelings of calmness and a sense of well-being. Here's what I want you to do. I don't want you to feel guilty if your home is messy. Mine is too. I don't want you to feel shame if your cupboards are not organized. Mine need work too. Here are the practical steps. Number one, start small. Tackle one area at a time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
You don't need to fix your whole home this week. Pick one area, one drawer, one corner of a room to focus on this week. It literally could be one drawer. It could be the kitchen cupboard you open up every day. Could be a refrigerator that you open up every morning. Just start with one place. Second step is set a timer. Dedicate 30 minutes of your week to clean that space.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
You've got 30 minutes to do it. Make it a task. Make it an experiment. Make it almost a challenge. Can I get this done in 30 minutes? Can I get this done in 60 minutes? Setting a timer gives you a sense of not only making it more manageable, but you can be competitive with it. You can almost turn it into a game.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
And the third step is when you do that, create spaces for each of the items, a place where the milk goes, a place where the bread goes, a place where everything else goes. Be really clear so that you can actually stick to it. Spiritual truth number three that will stop you from overthinking is one of my favorite Buddhist teachings is pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth, spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q&A, intimate meditation, and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to jsheddy.me forward slash tour and get yours today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Pain is a reality. Suffering is the story we create around it. In Buddhism, there's a powerful story called the two arrows. Imagine you're struck by an arrow. This arrow represents pain and it's unavoidable. Throughout our days, throughout our weeks, we'll have so many arrows thrown at us.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
But if you react by lamenting, blaming, or agonizing over why you were struck, it's like shooting yourself with a second arrow. This second arrow symbolizes your suffering. It's entirely optional, created by your reaction. This story shows us that we can't avoid pain in life. There's always going to be sorrow, stress, and pressure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
But the story we create around it and how we react to it turns it into progress or suffering. A lot of our overthinking is all about Why did this happen to me? Who did this to me? Why would they do that to me?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
And while those are important questions, and I'm not saying to shun them away or hide from them, but we've got to move forward from them because otherwise that arrow stays inside of us and that second arrow penetrates even deeper. When we can shift that story to instead of why is this happening to me, all the way through to, well, what can I do about it? What skill is this asking me to develop?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
What is this reminding me that I've forgotten? What wisdom is inside of this that I need to learn? As soon as you shift to a solution, proactive approach, you don't have the suffering. You will always have the pain. You don't have to suffer from it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
When we can shift that story to instead of why is this happening to me, all the way through to, well, what can I do about it? What skill is this asking me to develop? What is this reminding me that I've forgotten? What wisdom is inside of this that I need to learn? As soon as you shift to a solution, proactive approach, You don't have the suffering. You will always have the pain.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
I like all sorts of things that aren't good for me. Fried chicken. Fried chicken. Donuts.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
I want to share with you insights from a study on acceptance and emotional pain. Research published in the Clinical Psychology Review in 2016 shows acceptance strategies significantly reduced emotional suffering.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Participants who learned acceptance and mindfulness techniques reported a nearly 50% reduction in emotional distress and a stronger ability to cope effectively compared to those resisting or trying to avoid that pain. Just think about it for a second. When you're trying to avoid pain, you actually accumulate more of it. When you learn to accept pain, you can actually release yourself from it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
It's almost counterintuitive if you think about it. When you're trying to avoid pain, you actually think more about the pain. When you accept the pain, you actually have the ability to move forward and move on. I want to give you a two-step method to help you do that. Step one is stop and interrupt the story. When you feel overwhelmed by negative emotions, visualize a bold mental red stop sign.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
And you can even say it out loud, stop. What is the psychological benefit of this? It activates the prefrontal cortex, interrupting automatic emotional reactions and giving you mental space. Usually we have no space between what we experience and how we react. When you visualize a stop sign, when you even say out loud to your mind, stop, you actually create space for you to react.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Step two is shift. Shift your mind immediately into a solution-oriented state by asking powerful reframing questions. For example, what's one helpful thing I can do right now? How can I see this as an opportunity or learning experience? And my personal favorite, If I wasn't feeling upset, how would I respond differently?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
I love that third one because when we're upset, we often always respond poorly to a situation. How many times have you said something you didn't want to say because you were upset? and later regretted it? How many times have you done something you didn't want to do because you were upset, only to realize later that you wish you held back?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
You can create that space in the moment when you stop and shift. The next spiritual principle that can stop you from overthinking is another one from the Bhagavad Gita, where it says the mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Have you ever felt that a lot of your time is spent fighting people? in your head, in your mind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
You're literally running play-by-play every conversation you might have with someone. You want to raise an argument. You want to solve a discussion. You want to confront someone. And often we do none of that in reality. We do it all in our mind. When you realize that having difficult conversations in reality actually solves the overthinking you do in your mind, you're free from it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
You don't have to suffer from it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
If there's someone that has been annoying you, frustrating you, causing you concern, and you feel constantly triggered by them, it's great to write down your thoughts, organize them, and then have that conversation in real. It will save you weeks of complaining, comparing, criticizing, venting, which we can do again and again and again about the same person. Let it go and move on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
The final spiritual truth I wanted to share with you is don't delay what can be done today. How many of you put off replying to that message because you're scared of confrontation or a disagreement, but then forget to reply at all? How many of you keep saying, next week will be the week that I start to take on that new habit? We're constantly postponing and delaying what can be done today.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
You can change your life by one decision, one choice, and one moment if you simply do today what doesn't need to be delayed. One of the biggest things I see is when we don't want to let someone down. Someone invites you to something and you put off the RSVP to the last minute. You know you didn't want to go, but you waited till the night before or the moment before. Now that person's upset.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
right? The truth is true kindness lies in clarity of intention, not silence out of fear. When you're tempted not to respond for fear of disappointing someone, remember that compassion isn't about avoiding discomfort. It's about expressing your truth with grace. If you don't message someone back because you don't want to let them down, you just let them down by not messaging them back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Are you still thinking about something that happened last week at work and you're kind of embarrassed about it? Or maybe you're waiting for someone to text you and you're wondering why they haven't replied for 24 hours. Or maybe you've been on a dating app recently and someone ghosted you and you're totally overthinking it. Overthinking, spiraling, crashing out are things we do every single day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Chances are you messaging them last minute is going to let them down even more than if you explained how you felt weeks before when you received the message. Don't let the fear of letting someone down block you from communicating your truth. Communicate your reasons honestly yet gently. This works because your clarity transforms misunderstanding into deeper connection.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
It shifts the focus from rejection to mutual respect and authenticity. I hope that these spiritual truths make a difference in your life and help you stop overthinking. I hope that you'll listen to this again, make notes, try out some of the exercises, and watch how your life changes. I'm Jay Shetty. Thank you for listening to On Purpose.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
And remember, I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you. If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
It almost feels like our minds are overflowing with the same negative thought patterns all the time. What do we do? If you've experienced any of those things before, this episode is for you. I want to share with you spiritual truths that help us understand how to stop overthinking and actually learn to let go. The first is everything is impermanent.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
It's important that we learn to let go gracefully. The Bhagavad Gita has a beautiful verse, 2.14, that says, "...the non-permanent appearance of happiness and distress and their disappearance in due course are like the appearance and disappearance of the winter and summer seasons." They arise from sense perception and one must learn to tolerate them without being disturbed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
I love this verse from the Bhagavad Gita and it's something that I really want you to take in. When you wake up in the morning and it's raining, if you let that define your mood, if you overthink it, it will totally ruin your day. If you wake up and you only feel happy when it's sunny, It sets you up for failure on a day when it's dark and it's not sunny.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
How do we learn to tolerate this, as the Bhagavad Gita is saying? How do we get to a point where we don't overthink everything that happens around us and let it affect what's happening inside of us? I want to talk to you about the skill of recognizing impermanence. There's a beautiful story of the farmer and his son. It's a Zen story that I love to share.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
While the son is wandering the land, he comes across a horse. He's able to ride this horse back and they have a great sense of compatibility and he brings the horse back home. All the villagers gather around and they say to the father, this is amazing, what great news, your son has this horse. And the father replies, good thing, bad thing, who knows?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
The next day when the son is riding the horse, the horse has a slight trip and an accident and knocks the son off and the son breaks his leg. The villagers gather around and say, oh no, this is the worst thing that could have happened. This is so terrible. You should have never let the horse come back. The farmer says, good thing, bad thing, who knows?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
A few months later, while the boy is still healing, Every single man in this village is recruited to join the army, apart from the son because of his broken leg. The villagers gather and say, you're so lucky, you're so fortunate. This is the best thing that could have happened. The father replies, good thing, bad thing, who knows? And of course, the story goes on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
What this story teaches us is not that we want bad things to happen to us, or it's not that we want negative things to happen to anyone, but that we realize that all of these things are impermanent. They're not going to last forever. They're ephemeral. A sunny day doesn't last forever and a rainy day doesn't last forever. These things come and go like the seasons. This is what we have to learn.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
We learn to let go when we're prepared for the season. If you know it's going to rain, but you've got your rain boots and you've got your umbrella, it doesn't matter. You're prepared. If you know it's going to be really hot out and you've got your flip flops and your sunscreen, you're prepared. Letting go isn't about doing nothing. It's about focusing on what you can prepare.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Letting go is not the act of not being worried or not worrying about the consequences or not thinking about what's going to happen. Letting go is being proactive and preparing in the way that you can. Whatever season is going to come your way, do you have the appropriate clothing in your closet? Whatever season is going to come your way, is your mind prepared to deal with it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Let us remember that both good and bad experiences are both impermanent. Now, let's say that you feel the same thoughts spiral in your mind every single day. The same things trigger you, block you, and slow you down. What do you do about it? The first piece of wisdom is getting the thought out of your head and onto a page.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
It's really hard to filter thoughts while they're spiraling and circling around your mind. When you actually write down how you're feeling, you're extracting that emotion from within yourself and taking it into a place that you can get tactile with it. If a thought's outside of your head, you can now actually do something with it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
one of the things that's recommended is either ripping it up and discarding of it, potentially even burning it to really let go of it, or allowing yourself to throw it into the trash. Now, you may think these are woo-woo ideas, but actually, the Nagoya University study in 2024
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
found that participants who wrote down their angry thoughts and then shredded or discarded the paper experienced a significant reduction in anger. In contrast, those who kept the paper saw only a minor decrease in anger levels. The act of physically disposing of the paper played a crucial role in alleviating negative emotions. Think about that for a second.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
The act of writing something down and discarding of that paper, ripping it up, throwing it in the trash, burning it, actually starts to free you from that emotional experience. It's mind-blowing to even think about it. And did you notice what I said there in the study? If you hold on to it, like a journal or even keep it around, it actually doesn't have the same impact.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Another example is the Ohio State University research from 2012. A study published in Psychological Science demonstrated that individuals who wrote down their negative thoughts and then threw the paper away were more likely to mentally discard those thoughts. Conversely, those who kept the paper were more likely to dwell on the negative content. So it's not just about writing it down.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
It also is about releasing it. Studies show that burning photographs of an ex-partner can serve as a powerful symbolic act to facilitate emotional release and closure after a breakup. This is from a study that I read in PMC. How many of you have held on to things that your ex gave you?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
How many of you have kept in a shoebox letters, mementos, gifts from an ex-partner because there's a part of you that still is connected to them? Burn it. Let it go. Discard it. If you truly want to release someone from your life, release items, memories, and things like that physically. Actually let it go in order to mentally let it go.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Another study from ResearchGate that analyzed personal grief rituals found that symbolic actions, including the disposal of objects through elements like fire, support emotional healing by providing a tangible method to express and release complex feelings. I remember when I interviewed Nessa Barrett on my podcast On Purpose, and she had this song called Burn Box.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
This idea of really being able to release something. So next time you find a thought appearing in your mind every single day, I want you to write it down on a piece of paper. I want you to rip it up. I want you to shred it. I want you to put it in the fire, burn it and let it go and see how you feel lighter and liberated from that weight. Spiritual truth number two.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
We all have heard that your inner world shapes your outer reality. But there's an even more hidden truth here. Your outer reality shapes your inner world. If you feel like you're overthinking, clean that closet, tidy that cupboard, reorganize your desk. The practical act of cleaning, tidying or reorganizing literally cleans and orders your mind.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Waking up to zero clutter frees you from the stress you feel when you see unwashed dishes or that messy desk or that piece of art on your wall that is slightly off center. It's fascinating to me how many of us are hoping to have a peaceful mind in a chaotic living room, a peaceful mind in a messy kitchen, a peaceful mind in a disorganized bedroom. And it's actually the act of decluttering.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
It's not just walking into a clean space. When you start cleaning, when you start organizing, it's almost like you're filing away files in your mind. Have you ever felt like you have too many tabs open on your laptop? Imagine how many tabs are open in your mind. When you start to clean up the tabs on your laptop, the tabs on your screen, all of a sudden you start to mentally declutter.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Now let's look at the research on this. Clutter affects your mind. The first way is cognitive overload. Clutter competes for your attention, leading to cognitive overload. This constant visual distraction can impair your ability to focus and process information.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
A study using fMRI scans found that individuals in organized environments were better able to concentrate and process information compared to those in cluttered spaces. Clear your space to clear your mind. Clean that closet, clean the table, wash the dishes, put away your clothes and see how your mind starts to feel more creative, more productive, boost your energy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
It may feel like a chore and a task, but it's something that will actually heal you. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni Sparkling Tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Juni is infused with adaptogens that are amazing natural substances that act like superheroes for your body to help you adapt to stress and find balance in your busy life.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Our Super 5 blend of these powerful ingredients include green tea, ashwagandha, acerola cherry and lion's mane mushroom and these may help boost your metabolism, give you a natural kick of caffeine, combat stress, pack your body with antioxidants and stimulate brain function. Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15% off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. The second way that clutter affects us is that it actually elevates our stress hormones.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Research indicates that individuals, particularly women, who perceive their homes as cluttered have higher levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. If you want to start reducing your daily stress, Start by organizing your home. Start by putting things in their place. One of the things I like to think about is how my home can be like a home hotel.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
What I mean by that is I want my home to have the warmth of a home, the comfort of a home, but I wanted to have the organization of a hotel. Have you ever noticed when you go into a hotel, the hairdryer is in one of the drawers, the ironing board is in the same place, the steamer, whatever it may be, everything has a place.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, and I'm thrilled to announce my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can experience On Purpose in person. Join me in a city near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO or business leader.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Do THIS 2 Minute Trick To Stop a Negative Spiral INSTANTLY (Overthinkers You Need to Hear This Episode!)
Start by figuring out what deserves a place in your home and what that place is. One of my favorite exercises from Marie Kondo was this idea of items that spark joy. What's the first thing you see in the morning? Is it a messy desk? Or is it a picture of your family that makes you feel happy? What's the first thing in the morning? Is it the dishes that haven't been done from last night?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
And one of the hardest parts about this is that when you start pursuing something, And if it's not working and your partner's pursuing their thing and it's working, the natural feelings we have even towards someone we love is jealousy, envy, competition. Now you may say you don't have it and that's beautiful. That's amazing if you don't have it. But I promise you a lot of people do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
They feel insecure. They feel unsettled. And it comes all from us feeling like we want to do something great with our life. But maybe we don't have the tools. Maybe we don't have the motivation. And often what's really uncomfortable in that moment is your partner's dissatisfaction with you. Your partner is saying to you like, oh my God, why aren't you doing it yet? Look what I did.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
Oh my gosh, you need to get up off your backside. I achieved more in a month than you have in your year. When your partner looks down on you, we've got to make sure that whatever gender we are, it's not really about what role we play. It's about how we make the other person feel. So we have to ask the question, are we making the other person feel
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
feel more insecure not by our greatness but by how we make them feel about our greatness you can be great and you can be brilliant and you can either choose to inspire people with that or you can choose to discourage people with that and if you have expectations and you're telling people that you're not happy with where they are or how much they've achieved and i had a friend admit this to me a few months back where she said she was with a guy and she constantly reminded him
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
how far behind you was to her. That, of course, is not an encouraging place to start from. And at the same time, you can't be someone's parent, coaching them along the way, cheerleading them the whole way. It's a really interesting balance. But I will say this, often the way we support our partner is different. You may support your partner in their career.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
And let's recognize that there are some men are less attracted to successful driven women, and they're not the right person for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
They may support you mentally and emotionally. We may not support the person we love in the same area they support us. And that's okay. That's totally fine. For example, like Radhi came up to me when she was asking me questions about her book. And as I'd launched two books before she launched her first one, I had a lot to share. So in that area, Radhi's not helping me with my book.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
When it comes to setting the right tone, setting the right mood in the home, setting the right energy, I let Radhi lead on that. So we have to understand that leadership comes in many different forms. Your partner may lead financially, but you may lead emotionally. Your partner may lead physically. Are you taking care of the physical things in the home? But you may lead mentally.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
Are you making decisions? So I think it's really important to realize what leadership is and what you're looking for. Sometimes people say to me, I want to be with someone really ambitious. And they're ambitious too. And I say, okay, well, do you know what that looks like? Because that isn't the person who's sitting front row at your event cheering you on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
If you want to be with someone ambitious, chances are they're going to be on the road too. If you want to be with someone who's killing it at their career, chances are there's going to be a lot of late nights. They're not always going to have loads of time for you. And neither of those is better or worse, but it's about being honest with what you want and what that means you attract.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
The number one health and wellness podcast.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
I think that it takes time for people to find their stability. And when you're making someone feel insecure, no matter how much you try to lift them up, if they are not doing the work to lift themselves up, there's only so much you can do. And so as much as we can play that role, we can't take the responsibility to to be the person that lifts someone up. We can be a supporter.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
We can be a cheerleader. We can't do the work for them. And I think sometimes some of us feel that if we do the work for them, they'll suddenly get it. But the truth is we can't. And so we need to empower them, but we need to empower ourselves as well. And that can be the hardest part about all of this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
One of the things I want to say is that I found another interesting study, and it said that in this study of 105 men, the researchers gave two scenarios. The first scenario, they told men that a woman close by who they never saw either outperformed or underperformed them on an intelligence test. And the men said that they would like the person who outperformed them on the test.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. It's your host Jay Shetty, and I am so grateful to be here with you right now. Thank you so much for tuning in. And today's question that we're reflecting on and asking is, are men less attracted to successful women? If you're ambitious and driven and dating, this episode is for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
But in the second round, men were told that they were about to meet a woman who did better than them on the test. And at that time, men chose not to meet that woman. So it's really interesting. Men said they were attracted to a smarter woman. But then when they were told that they were about to meet them, that was a much more challenging scenario. That was a much more challenging thing for them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
And so if you're with someone or if you're dating someone and you see them and you like them and they're not as ambitious and driven as you, it's up for you to decide how important that is for you, but the qualities that this person has and what they bring to a relationship. Remember, career ambition isn't all anyone brings to a relationship, male or female, whoever they may be.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
There's so much more we bring to a relationship. And career ambition doesn't define whether you have a successful relationship or not, or an unsuccessful one, right? It's almost disconnected from the actual relationship success part. I think what I look for when I encourage people to look for is what do you think is going to make someone a successful partner?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
What do you think is going to make people a healthy partner? If you focus on that, chances are the rest will figure itself out. One of the things that comes to mind as I'm talking about this with all of you is You're trying to find someone who's going to be a partner. What a partner means is you support them on some things, they support you on others.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
What you don't want to be as a parent and what you don't want to be as a child. You don't want to be the child of the relationship where you're expecting someone else to parent you and build you up all the time. And you don't want to be the parent in a relationship where the other person's the child. But a partnership means we're willing to help each other. We're willing to support each other.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
And I think it's important early on to figure out whether the threatening and the intimidation is something, if you keep feeling that, you also have to ask yourself, am I attracting the right man? Am I working towards the right person beyond whether it's a male or a female as well? I want to end on this last point, and it's this. We should respect our partner's ambitions.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
They should respect ours. And we should be excited to watch each other grow. This requires such a high level of maturity because when you actually say, I want to watch you grow, that means you're okay with however they grow. And most often we want people to grow the way we want them to grow.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
And so a successful relationship requires a flexibility and adaptability and openness to who that person wants to become. And that's very unsettling for most people. For most people, we want certainty. We want clarity. We want ease. We want comfort. And a real healthy long-term relationship evolves far more than that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
And so I think it's important to remember that first of all, don't make career ambition the only thing you look for in a relationship. Don't make it your sole identity either. Look for traits that make people a healthy partner and ultimately recognize that growing together, being tolerant of each other in some areas, as long as it's not hurting you,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
is part of any healthy relationship and building something special together. Thanks so much for listening to this episode. I hope it helped you rethink this idea and I hope that it helps you have healthier conversations with the people you know and love. Remember this, I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr. Gabor Mate on understanding your trauma and how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
Everything in nature grows only where it's vulnerable. So a tree doesn't grow where it's hard and thick, does it? It grows where it's soft and green and vulnerable.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
If you have a friend who's single right now who's been thinking about this question, this episode is for you. And if you're someone who's maybe been in a relationship, maybe you're even divorced, this episode could be for you. I think so many people are thinking about this topic right now. Not enough people are speaking about it outwardly and it's uncomfortable to actually dive into it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
And we love sharing what we've learned.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
Like even when I was thinking about making this the episode, I was somewhat scared about it because I didn't want it to be misconstrued or misunderstood. And so I want you to stay with me because I'm definitely going to be explaining why I thought it was important to ask this question.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
And the biggest reason why I think it's important to ask this question is this is how some of the women in my life have been feeling. These are friends of mine who are dating right now, are single right now, are looking for love right now. They're looking for a meaningful connection. And this conversation keeps coming up. Now, I'm guessing you might have had this conversation with your friend.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
Maybe you've thought about it. Maybe you've even quizzed some of your male friends in your life about it. And the reason why I chose it for this week's topic is I was talking to a friend this week and she was saying she spoke to a couple of guys in the last month. And she's young, she's ambitious, she's driven, she's very kind, very thoughtful. And so it got me thinking.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
She said she met a guy her age who, after going on a few dates, he was vulnerable enough to say to her that he was intimidated by her drive and would rather be with someone a little more chill. He actually said that he felt threatened that he didn't have that drive and may never have it, even though she never expected it from him and never asked for it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
Now, first of all, kudos to that man who was able to be that vulnerable. It takes a lot of courage to be that vulnerable, to put yourself out there in that way, to admit that. And so I want to show respect for that, first of all. And the second thing I want to say is maybe a lot of you have heard something like this for a while. Maybe you've had men say it to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
Maybe you found out through a friend of a friend afterwards. Maybe it's a thought that crossed your mind. Now, that was one guy that she spoke to. She then said that she was at a dinner a couple of nights ago, and she overheard a conversation someone was having with a successful founder. He was single and looking, and when asked what he wanted, he said he wanted an ambitious homemaker.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
And she found both of these interactions in close proximity to be a bit deflating. So the young man that she was dating, he was around the same age as her. He was saying that she was too intimidating because of her drive. And then she was overhearing this other conversation where this very successful man was saying he wanted someone who was going to be a homemaker and didn't have their own drive.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
And so it left her with the question, are men less attracted to successful or maybe even just driven women who want to create something? Now, I want to point out that When we're looking at this, this for me isn't about hating on men or hating on women or trying to make either one look bad.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
I think this conversation is about learning to understand why we are where we are, in what circumstances this is true or false, real or not, And what do we do about it? I think a lot of conversations focus on like, oh, well, all men are bad and women don't do this and men do. And it's like, I don't want to do that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
What I want to do is have a really healthy, thoughtful, intelligent conversation around what's going on here. So the first thing we have to understand is that some men are less attracted to successful women and they're not your man. And the reason why this is a really important thing to talk about is that there may be some men whose ego is affected by a more driven, successful woman.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
Now let's talk about why that is the case. I'm not saying it's a good thing and I'm not saying it's right, but why is that the case? The case is because traditionally, men have had to play that protective supporting role. They've been the one who's had to go out and put food on the table. They've been the primary breadwinner of the family. So a lot of men are carrying around a pressure
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
an expectation of them that society has placed on them, and then they're projecting it into this relationship. So it's not necessarily projected personally onto you. It's projected because that's how society has convinced us that we need to be. And so some men are less attracted to successful women because they've been told that they need to be more successful.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
So as soon as they meet someone who shows qualities that they don't have, motivation, discipline, drive, enthusiasm, they get worried, they get concerned. It's a reminder of their own inadequacy. it's an insecurity. And if a man goes as far as admitting that to you, it's definitely not something to demean or put down. And it's not something you have to date either.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
I'm not saying, you know, you should feel sorry for that person and date them. What I'm saying is, let's look at why we're here, how we got there. And let's recognize that there are some men are less attracted to successful driven women, and they're not the right person for you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
Now it's important to note that the mindset, men are less attracted to successful driven women, is actually an unhealthy mindset. When we repeat an idea like that, we're repeating a negative, unhelpful thought. which leads to an unhealthy mindset, which makes us feel that there is no man for me that exists unless I diminish my drive, unless I become less successful. And I would honestly say that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
When I look around, my friends who are in happy relationships today, they all wanted to be with smart, thoughtful women. And I think there is a difference between someone who's smart and smart and driven. There is a difference. And I would say that a lot of my friends enjoy being with driven, ambitious women, and they're also driven, ambitious men.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
What I want to encourage you to do here is that mindset of maybe this guy doesn't exist. Maybe I need to slow down. Maybe I need to become different. Maybe I need to change. I don't think that's the case. And there was a great article by Jenna Birch in Psychology Today. And she talked about a study where after looking into the mating preferences of more than 5,000 men and women in a survey,
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
An anthropologist named Helen Fisher wrote that she saw something called the Clooney effect in America. Now, this article was in 2018. And the research found that according to Fisher's numbers, men desire smart, strong, successful women.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
And 87% of men said that they would date a woman who was more intellectual than they were, who was better educated, and who made considerably more money than they did. while 86% said they were in search of a woman who was confident and self-assured. So it's just really important to point that out that sometimes I think we develop these narratives based on our few data points.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
And we all have confirmation bias where we also have another friend who went through the same thing. And now all of us are saying the same thing. And guess what? It makes us reduce our pull even more. We now go out looking for who's going to confirm that belief, right? That's what happens. We kind of look... to who confirms our belief. Let me give you a really simple example about this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
If you're thinking of getting a specific car that you really like, you're now looking for other people to confirm that belief and say, oh my God, I really like that car too. So we're constantly looking for people to confirm our beliefs. And so we may surround ourselves with a group of people who all say, men are just not attracted to successful, ambitious women.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
And we keep reaffirming that belief when the study shows the opposite. And it's interesting, it's called the Clooney effect, of course, because George Clooney with Amal, who's extremely talented, smart, ambitious, thoughtful. And it's just an interesting thing that we often see these rumors or doubts we have spread faster than some of the statistics that come out for it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
Now, it is important to note, because I thought it would be interesting to look at the facts of what's happening as well. And when I was looking it up, it said that back in 1970, only 11% of Americans 25 or older had bachelor's degrees. That number has gone up every decade to roughly 38% in 2021, according to the data from the Census Bureau's Current Population Survey.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
And the jump since 2010 has been especially sharp, this research said. And one of the big drivers has been that more women are completing their four-year degrees. And in the last decade, women surpassed men in college completion. So when you look at it from a college perspective, and I appreciate that college isn't the only way to show ambition or success.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
There are plenty of people who are not going to college and doing exceptionally well. But to use it as a marker, we're seeing that women are completing degrees more than men. In 2021, the census found that the number of women with degrees was about three points higher than the figure for men. So it was 39.1% for women compared to 36.6% for men.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
And the reason why that's so incredible is that back in 1970, about 8% of 25 plus women had bachelor's degrees. And that was six points below where American men were at the time. So the insane rise of women being educated and completing their degrees has had a huge impact very recently. And it's something that I think a lot of men are having to mentally catch up with.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
I think that's the point, right? It's like there's been consensus in society around roles. There's been a thought process around roles. And all of those are being questioned, rightly so. All of those are being looked at and re-evaluated, rightly so. But what's happening is that it's taking a while for people to catch up with that, for people to understand that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
To give you an example as to how far behind we are compared to where the education is, in 2022, female-founded companies received 2% of all venture capital investment. Let me just say that again. In 2022, female-founded companies received only 2% of all venture capital VC investment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
female-founded femtech companies receive 28% of venture capital funding compared with 38% for male-founded femtech companies. So the reason I'm talking about this is for us to realize how society has shifted maybe in narrative, maybe in us asking the right questions, maybe in us having the right thoughts, but it hasn't yet shifted mentally, emotionally, And it hasn't yet shifted financially.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
And so when you look at that, we have to realize that when you're out there dating and you're finding some confirmation of the belief that men are less attracted to successful women, you may find it because there's all of these reasons as to why it's been set up that way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
One thing that I think is really, really important to note, I think it's really important to be with someone who has the right balance between you don't want someone who's threatened by you. That doesn't lead to a healthy relationship. Maybe you saw the movie Fair Play last year on Netflix. If you haven't, I recommend watching it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
It showed what happens in a relationship with confused roles and competition and insecurity and where that leads. And I mean, it shows a very dark version of where that can lead to, but often those are the emotions that people are feeling inside. But at the same time, you don't want someone who just wants to bask in your glory, right? It's a really interesting balance that you're looking for.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
You don't want someone who's like basking in your glory and just, you know, a groupie. And at the same time, you don't want someone who's threatened by it either. I think what we're all looking for is someone who allows us to be our best self. who appreciates us, who acknowledges it. But what that requires is both people to have an understanding of what they're both pursuing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
In my book, Eight Rules of Love, I have a dedicated chapter to this. And if you haven't read the book, you can grab a copy on Amazon or wherever you get books. I have a whole chapter dedicated to how to find your purpose and how to help your partner find their purpose at the same time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Are Men Less Attracted to Successful Women?
Some men are less attracted to successful women because they've been told that they need to be more successful. So as soon as they meet someone who shows qualities that they don't have, motivation, discipline, drive, enthusiasm, they get worried, they get concerned. It's a reminder of their own inadequacy. It's an insecurity.
Pod Meets World
Spin
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Pod Meets World
Spin
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SNAFU with Ed Helms
S3E8: National Hangover
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
SNAFU with Ed Helms
S3E8: National Hangover
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SNAFU with Ed Helms
S3E8: National Hangover
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
SNAFU with Ed Helms
S3E8: National Hangover
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SNAFU with Ed Helms
S3E8: National Hangover
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
SNAFU with Ed Helms
S3E8: National Hangover
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SNAFU with Ed Helms
S3E8: National Hangover
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
SNAFU with Ed Helms
S3E8: National Hangover
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SNAFU with Ed Helms
S3E4: Trust Issues
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
SNAFU with Ed Helms
S3E4: Trust Issues
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SNAFU with Ed Helms
S3E4: Trust Issues
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
SNAFU with Ed Helms
S3E4: Trust Issues
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SNAFU with Ed Helms
S3E4: Trust Issues
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
SNAFU with Ed Helms
S3E4: Trust Issues
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
SNAFU with Ed Helms
S3E4: Trust Issues
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
SNAFU with Ed Helms
S3E4: Trust Issues
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Poutine: Canada's Pride
Hey, ihr hört auf On Purpose mit Jay Shetty und heute sind meine Gäste niemand anderes als Selena Gomez und Benny Blanco. Ich kann nicht warten, bis ihr dieses Episode über ihre Lieblingsgeschichte, über ihre Beziehung hören könnt, wie ihr es noch nie gehört habt. Ich möchte zurückgehen zu der ersten Zeit, als wir uns kennengelernt haben.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Poutine: Canada's Pride
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: All About Egg Colors
Hey, you're listening to On Purpose with Jay Shetty, and today my guests are none other than Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: All About Egg Colors
If we would have met each other when we were younger, it would have never worked. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tick tock goes the Doomsday Clock
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tick tock goes the Doomsday Clock
What have been your personal journeys with therapy? We need to be coached throughout our lives.
Stuff You Should Know
Short Stuff: Tick tock goes the Doomsday Clock
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Give My Regards to the Broadway Episode!
You're listening to an iHeart Podcast. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
Stuff You Should Know
Give My Regards to the Broadway Episode!
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Give My Regards to the Broadway Episode!
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
Stuff You Should Know
Give My Regards to the Broadway Episode!
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Why is Chinese art being stolen?
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Kai Dickens.
Stuff You Should Know
Why is Chinese art being stolen?
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Why is Chinese art being stolen?
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Kai Dickens.
Stuff You Should Know
Why is Chinese art being stolen?
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: Adidas v. Puma: A Sibling Rivalry
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: Adidas v. Puma: A Sibling Rivalry
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: Cake: So Great. So, So Great
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: Cake: So Great. So, So Great
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: Cake: So Great. So, So Great
We need to be coached throughout our lives. My mom wanted us to be independent children. And she would always tell me, stop worrying about your sister.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: Cake: So Great. So, So Great
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: Cake: So Great. So, So Great
Hey, my name's Jay Shetty and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: Cake: So Great. So, So Great
What have been your personal journeys with therapy?
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: Cake: So Great. So, So Great
We need to be coached throughout our lives. My mom wanted us to be independent children. And she would always tell me, stop worrying about your sister.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: Cake: So Great. So, So Great
What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: Cake: So Great. So, So Great
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: Cake: So Great. So, So Great
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: Cake: So Great. So, So Great
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Stuff You Should Know
Selects: Cake: So Great. So, So Great
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
People are not feeling pressure from the world. People are usually not worried about the comments that will come many years into being a creator. It's the people around us that we're most worried about. And so the only way we let go of that is recognizing and building this identity and insight that I can be a teacher and a creator. I can be a nurse and a podcaster.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
I can be a mom and own an online business. I can be two things at once and I don't need anyone else's permission. And by the way, when I pull it off, even then they won't understand. So it was never about them understanding. It was always about me focusing on what I love.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Thank you for saying that. And the idea is everyone needs to become a professional quitter, right? It's like, we need to get really good at quitting. And as I'm listening to you, I'm thinking back to, I remember when I decided to become a monk, pretty much no one around me understood why. I remember when I decided to leave the monastery, pretty much everyone around me didn't understand why.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
When I decided to get a job in consulting after being a monk, people were like, why? When I decided to leave my successful consulting job to try and make videos online, people were like, why are you doing that? Then when those videos became successful and I decided to launch a podcast, three podcast production companies tell me, Jay, people like listening to you for four minutes.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
No one wants to listen to you for an hour. Don't launch a podcast. So we launched a podcast anyway. And thanks to the millions of people that listen to you, that listen to us, that know us, that became a success. So I always listen to people, not the executives in the room. Then I wanted to launch a book, Mel.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And I went to launch a book and 14 out of 17 imprints told me, don't call it Think Like a Monk because no one wants to think like a monk. Five years later, the book sold millions of copies. Again, thanks to those people. not the people in the room. Why am I sharing all of that? Because I didn't know what the future held.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
It's not that I had a really clear view of exactly where I was going or that when I left the monastery, I knew I'd be here today or that when we launched the podcast, I knew I'd be here. And I want to get that thought out of people's heads that if I don't have the full life mapped out and planned out, that I can't take the first step. Because I don't think I've ever known where my life's going.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And so this whole idea that you have to have everything figured out before you take your first step is the biggest lie we've been told. This idea that if you don't have a clear vision, you don't know where you're going. It's the biggest lie we've been told. How could anyone possibly? Have every step mapped out.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Tell me one person that we know in the world, anyone you look up to that could tell you they meticulously knew every single step. They didn't, but they took that first step. And I think that's what's holding us back is this idea that I have to know everything before I do one thing.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Yes. The step I'd say in the most practical way to make it really, really simple for people and get away from any philosophical idea is is it's actually not about falling in love with something new or finding something else. It's about extracting and learning every possible thing from where you are right now. Whatever job you're in. But I don't want to do that, Jay, because I hate where I'm at.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
But that is the thing. You can hate where you're at and still gain all the skills you need for your future. When I was a consultant, I knew I did not want to be a consultant for the rest of my life. But I learned so many incredible skills from consulting that are so useful today.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Whether it's negotiation, whether it's communication, whether it's presentation, whether it's connecting with clients, whatever it may be, there are so many skills. If you're working in a school, I promise you, there are so many skills in that school that are available that if you start learning, all of a sudden that place you hate becomes a place that becomes a stepping stone for your next step.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
If you're going to spend eight to nine hours, maybe more at work every day, it's not great to walk in and think that for nine hours a day, your mind is programming your thoughts to say, I hate being here. I don't want to be here. I can't wait to get out because you've wasted nine hours of your day that could be used in building the next thing. So the mindset shift is, I do hate being here.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
I'm going to accept that. I'm going to acknowledge that. I'm not going to lie to myself, but I'm going to take everything I possibly can from this opportunity because it is a part of my story. And it is such a powerful part of my story because this only makes the story better. I'm going to learn from a place that I hate and I'm going to learn everything I possibly can.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And so that mindset shift is how do I turn and transform a place of misery and pain and potentially suffering into a place that becomes the launch pad of my life. And all of a sudden, now you're walking to work thinking, oh, this is a launch pad. Oh, wait a minute, this is a step. This is the place where I take off from, rather than, oh, this is a place that's keeping me in prison.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And I think that's the switch that people need to make, because if you're always looking for it outside of work, you're only giving yourself two hours in the evening. maybe an hour if you're lucky after you've done the chores, put the kids to bed, wash the dishes. So why not use those eight to nine hours to build skills, to build confidence, to build security that you have available to you?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Yes. There's a beautiful book which talks about how really we find our purpose through sampling. And when I think of the word sampling, the way I describe it is collecting and connecting. You are collecting stories, experiences, skills, and ideas in every job you work in.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And one day after collecting for many, many years, you will connect the dots of all of those different skills, of all of those different experiences. And that's when everything falls into place. But if you don't collect in the first place, there's nothing to connect. It's not about finding and discovering something. It's collecting along the way. You're collecting little jigsaw pieces.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And then one day you spread them out and you put them down and you start putting the pieces out and they all fit. And you go, oh my gosh, I can't believe they connected. When I look back at my life and I think I'm as much a consultant as I am a monk, as I am a media person. All of those things are really valuable parts of me. And it goes back to the point I was making earlier.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
I can't be a nurse and a content creator. I can't be this and that. Well, you can, because that is your superpower. Your superpower is that you did what you did in the past and what you do now.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And I think this all goes back to college and school in the sense that we were all forced to think you had to pick one thing. Your whole life you were trained to say, I've got to pick one thing that I've got to do for the rest of my life. That's how you were trained.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
So when you were young, you start narrowing down your subjects, you get to college, you pick a major, you focus in on one thing and you think you have to do that for the rest of your life. And then you start doing it for three years. And then three years into a new job, you go, I don't want to do this anymore. This isn't what it was meant to be.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
But your whole life you were told you could only be one thing. You had to pick one thing to focus on. So that's why we're so obsessed with this idea that my title should have to be one thing. I should be able to say I'm a lawyer, I'm an accountant, I'm a doctor, I'm a nurse, I'm a teacher, I'm a mom, whatever it is. But I can't be three things. That's complicated.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
But we've been forced to believe that you are that title. You are a manager, or by the way, senior manager and you feel better about it, or executive and you may feel better about it, but you're only allowed to be that. You can't then be anything else. And so I love it when I see people in their Instagram bios and people are like, I'm a mom first, but I'm an executive second, I'm a this.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
I love it that people are playing with that idea because that's the permission we need.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Passion is what brings you life. It's what brings you joy. It's what makes you feel like you're doing something exciting and exhilarating and thrilling. So for me, it's studying and learning and synthesizing. I could spend a weekend in a cave of books and never get out and make notes and study. That's one of my greatest passions in life.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Your purpose is when you use your passion in the service of others. If your passion doesn't have a service element, if you don't use it to improve people's lives, if you don't use it to inform other people, if you don't use it to make a difference in someone's life, it's not a purpose. So let me give an example. If you're a photographer, And your favorite passion in the world is photography.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
You love finding unique locations. You love capturing human emotion. You love capturing memories for people. As soon as you start doing it for others, it's a purpose. There you have it. It's that simple. It's not like you have to go on a whole charity trail and start taking pictures and giving them out for free. When you start capturing moments and you do it with that intent, it's a service.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
There's a beautiful study that I love from Amy Vrzniewski and her team at the Yale School of Management. So they went out in 2019 to research what they believed was the most difficult job in America. Any guesses, Mel? Psychologically or physically. Well, they just went out to, yeah, to think what was the most difficult job.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Yeah, that was up there. Or public servant. I don't know. All up there. The one that they decided on was hospital cleaner because they believed that these people not only have to wash bedsheets, pillows, floors, toilets, plates, they have to wash up after people pass away. Hmm. So it's a very heavy job.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And also you just finished cleaning a toilet, you leave and now you've got to run in and clean it again. It's not as simple as, hey, we did that once and it doesn't happen anymore. So they went and interviewed these hospital cleaners and they asked them what they did. And the hospital cleaners said, we believe we're low skilled labor in their own words. We wash toilets, plates, floors.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
They carried on and they found this whole group of hospital cleaners who didn't call themselves cleaners. They called themselves healers and carers. These healers worked the exact same hours as the cleaners. They worked the same shifts. They worked the same hospitals. They got paid the same amount, but they were happier, more purposeful and more productive.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
So they asked them, why do you call yourself healers? They said, and this blew my mind, like every time I think about this, it really makes me emotional because it's so powerful. They said, we believe that a clean hospital is integral to the healing journey of a patient. We think that when the hospital is clean, people have more dignity at a time of difficulty.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
We believe that when the hospital is clean, that people's families will spend more time with them. They'll actually surround their bedside because it feels like a clean atmosphere in their time of need. They said, we believe that a clean hospital is part of healing. So how could we see ourselves as anything else?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
What I love about that, Mel, is that Amy Vrzniewski and her team came up with the term called job crafting, which means it's not what you do every day. It's how you feel about what you do every day that changes the experience of it. It's not just what you do. It's not even why you do it. It's how you feel about it. How do you feel about what you do?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
They all felt that what they did was critical to healing and it transformed their experience. And there's this beautiful quote from Wayne Dyer that I loved where he said, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. And I really believe that that's what we're all being called to do right now.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
When you're feeling stuck, you might not be able to change what's around you. So change how you view it. Change how you look at it. Because all of a sudden, everything starts to change in your favor.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Even in the hardest job in the world, that's why I use that example.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Because those individuals may not even be passionate about cleaning. But they found a way to think about it differently. That's why it touches my heart so much, because it's in such a difficult space and environment. And to your point, Mel, what you were just saying, I was talking to one of my team about this. And she was talking to me about how her mom didn't really know what her purpose was.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
So I asked her, what's her passion? And she said her favorite thing is to organize family trips. And so now her mom has started organizing family trips for not only her family, but the friends of her family and couples. And so she's a retired mom at this point in her life, but she loves planning trips.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
She lives vicariously through all of her kids and their friends and grandkids and whoever else it is. And that's what she does now. That's a purpose. Your purpose doesn't need to be this big thing that... You have to go and change a million people's lives or a billion people's lives. If you can do that, that's beautiful. But that's not what a purpose is. A purpose is not defined by scale.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
It's not defined by the amount of people you reach. It's not defined by doing something big. Your purpose doesn't have to be your job. It doesn't have to be something you dream of doing every day. Your purpose is simply using your passion in the service of others in the smallest of ways, in the simplest of ways. And it brings you so much joy. And by the way,
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
It also gives you validation for something beautiful that you do. We all want validation. We all seek it. And I want to just normalize that because I think people feel bad for wanting it. But we all need to feel wanted and needed and loved. It's part of being human. But the problem is when you become someone you don't want to be or do something you don't want to do to get validation.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Whereas when you get validated for using your passion in the service of others, there's no greater feeling than that.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Yes. Yes, I love that. And it's so true. I'm thinking about Radhi. When Radhi first moved with me to America, she couldn't work here because she was on a spouse visa. And until we all got all that sorted out. And Radhi wasn't always the writer of a New York Times bestselling cookbook. Like that's a very like recent iteration of her life.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Absolutely. No social media.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
No content. Yeah, exactly. And so obviously we remember her like that. She isn't like that to the world now. But I remember when we moved to LA, Radhi would just be really sad when we'd be driving around and see the homeless situation. And she always loved cooking. Like she was always a fan of cooking since I've known her. She's been an amazing cook.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
She would literally just cook and deliver meals. She'd get involved in food distribution programs in the area. She'd go and find out and talk to communities of how she could help. Before she made any content, she was just out there doing that. And that's what built her confidence. in being able to do it and being able to deliver. And then even when someone said to her, hey, would you cater?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
She said, I don't want to do it as catering. She loves cooking as an act of love, as an act of service. If you come over, she'd want to cook for you because you're a friend. That's what she enjoys. She wants to cook for people in need. That's what she gets passion from. She doesn't actually want to be said, hey, can you make 20 meals of this? That's not actually what brings her joy.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And so you can see how your purpose doesn't have to be your job. Your purpose doesn't have to be big. Your purpose doesn't have to get you followers. Your purpose doesn't need to have social media. It doesn't need to have any of those things.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And actually, if you start without all of those things, you'll build more confidence, more self-worth, and more joy that then if you want to do any of those things, they'll happen naturally. They'll come as a byproduct of that infectious energy you feel and that I've seen Radhi feel.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Yes. And people will say to us, But I don't know what I like. I don't know what gives me energy. I hear that a lot today. You do? Yeah, but it's like people are just like, I don't know what gives me energy anymore. I'm kind of numb to it. I think the point is not to find this big, bright light of energy from something. It's this small, tiny voice.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
It's been ignored for so long that the way it shows up within us isn't always this big, loud scream. It's this quiet little whisper. it go. It's not this big calling. I think we think about callings and what we want to do is this big, bright light of information and a sign. Signs are small. their whispers, their choir.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And I think if we just lean into that, it may just be the little voice in your head that says, you love organizing birthdays. Why don't you just organize a couple more birthday parties this year? Oh, you're really good at event planning. Why don't you help your friend with their wedding? You know what? You're really, really good at writing. Why don't you just write a quote every day, right?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
It's that little voice. So just follow the whisper.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
I promise you, and I really mean this, and I want everyone to really internalize this as I say it, you are already successful at something. It's just so easy to you that you don't think of it as success. There's something that comes effortlessly to you. Maybe you graduated college with flying colors. Maybe you take care of your kids in the best way possible.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Maybe you're just incredible at showing up for your work colleagues. you already are extremely, incredibly successful at something. But because it's easy for you and natural for you, you don't think it's a skill. So look back at your life and look back at all the things that you've done beautifully. You showed up for your friends at college. You helped your colleagues through a tough time.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
You've already been doing that. You just don't know what that looks like because you think that's what a good person does. And it is what a good person does. But on top of that, it is value that you've been adding all along the way. look at the clues, look at the footprints, look at the steps behind and don't take them for granted.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Most likely the things that you don't value because they're simple to you are the things that the world is looking for. Radhi's cooking skill is something that comes really naturally to her. She's worked on it, but it's natural. She didn't value it. She didn't realize what a superpower it was.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
What is your advice? Here's my number one piece of advice. Pick three people from your past. It could be a work colleague, a family member, and a friend. These are people that know you deeply, that you would say know me really, really well. Don't go and do this with anyone else. Do this with people that know you really well.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And just ask them, what's something that I do that you always think of me when you're struggling with something? Ask them, what's something that I've done in the past for you or for anyone around us that made you go, wow, that's really cool. That's amazing. And then sit down and ask them, when you're struggling with something, what do I help you do? What do I help you solve?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
All of a sudden you get all this input from the people that know you the best because they see in you what you don't see in yourself. We have to remember that the people that know you and the people that love you, they see in you what you don't see in yourself. What you undervalue is what they deeply value. What you take for granted is what they see as greatness.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
What you kind of think is normal and average, they adore about you. But you've got to let them tell you that. You've got to let them remind you of that because otherwise you'll keep devaluing yourself.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Mel, you're the best. And seeing your entire team and your beautiful studio space. I mean, it's incredible when you get to see your friends place of genius. And I feel so lucky to be able to walk into it today. And it truly is infused with all your energy. So it's so beautiful to be here.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Yeah, it actually perfectly fits with what you just said. So weak people notice other people's mistakes and laugh. Strong people notice other people's mistakes and learn. Weak people talk about other people's problems to feel better. Strong people talk about other people's problems to become better. Weak people gossip about others to build fake connections.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Strong people express vulnerability to build real ones. And this one's the kicker that you were just talking about. Weak people envy people ahead of them. Strong people study people ahead of them. And the interesting thing is both people are looking at the same thing, but they're seeing different things because no one is a weak or strong person. It's just what you focus on.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And that's what I want people to realize. There's a switch. The switch for envy is study. If you're jealous of someone, if you're envious of someone, study them. And I know we've had so many conversations where we've both taught each other so much stuff. That's what we do. We study each other. And all of a sudden, that envy turns into appreciation, admiration.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Just complete awe because you're like, now I know what it takes, right? I remember when I used to see Cristiano Ronaldo, who I'm a huge fan of, and I've been a fan of him ever since he was 17 years old. And so I must've been like 14 or something like that when I started following him. This is 20 years ago now you're talking about, more than that.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And you look at him and you think, oh my God, like, look how he looks, look how he plays, everything else. The moment you start studying his routine, you realize what it actually takes. Someone can sit there and envy and be jealous of his life, which is natural, by the way. And I don't want to make that seem like a bad thing. But you turn jealousy into study. You turn envy into study.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And all of a sudden, it's your best friend. Envy can be your best friend if you just replace it for study. A hundred percent. Yeah.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
I'm so grateful to be on your incredible podcast, the way you've been serving and showing up for people and truly putting your heart there. And I want people to know, not just in the last 24 months, for decades of just showing up for people privately, personally, publicly. It's incredible to watch and I'm grateful to be your friend. So thank you.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
This is something that actually my monk teachers used to repeat to us a lot. And it's a reality check that's a bit of a punch in the gut. So we judge ourselves by our intentions and we judge other people by their actions. So if we feel our intention was good, we feel we're good people. But if someone has a bad action, we feel they're bad people.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Whereas what we should be doing is allowing other people to be judged also for their intentions and their actions. So it's a plea, a proposal, a pledge to say before you judge someone, before you put someone in a box, learn what their intention was. Because often you'll find that their intention probably wasn't as malicious as you think. It wasn't as manipulative as you think.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
It wasn't as crazy as you think. It was the same as yours. They too had good intentions. They also got into it with good intentions, but we judge ourselves by our intentions. So we think we're good people and we judge other people by their actions. And so we think they're bad people. If I made a mistake, And you judge me for my action.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
All of a sudden you've labeled me, but my intention was so pure and so genuine. I'll give you an example of something that happened recently to me that I feel really, really applies to this. I was doing something with a friend. We did a podcast together and I was traveling on the road or whatever, and I didn't post something about it.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And my friend messaged me and was just feeling really upset that I hadn't supported them, that I hadn't noticed them, that I hadn't recognized them. And now we're really good friends, so they were able to vocalize it to me. But if we weren't, they would have immediately judged and thought that I had some ulterior motive or some agenda there.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And the truth is I'm so disconnected from my social media in the sense that I don't post. I'm not there. I'm on the road. I try and stay off my phone for most of the day. And all of a sudden I was thinking, wait a minute, if they judge me for my action, it looks like I don't care about them. It looks like I don't value them. It looks like this isn't important to me.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
But my intention was, I love you. You're one of my favorite people. I'm here to help you in whatever way possible. And I just think about the amount of friendships we'd save, the amount of relationships we'd save if we just learned to judge people for their intentions, not their actions.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Sorry, I had to. I had to. Which is really good. There's let them and then let me in it. And it works perfectly, which I genuinely believe. It's amazing. But to answer your question, I'll be honest with you. When it's people that I know, I tell them. I really believe it's important to tell people. I check in with them. I ask them. Because if I know you, our relationship... If our relationship...
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
means I can't ask you the question, then it's a weak relationship. If I ask you the question and we have a great conversation, now our relationship is strengthened by it. We actually got closer. A hard conversation should make you closer to the person. A hard conversation should not make you further away from them. Say that again, Jay.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
If you love someone and they say they love you, a hard conversation should bring you closer together. A hard conversation should not push you away from each other. If you're scared to have a hard conversation with someone you love, that means you're not that close.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Yeah, but that should be the easiest person to talk to because you should be able to have a safe space to raise it. And so if I'm close to someone, if it was me and you, I would call you up. And I actually trust we'd have a great conversation because of it. I know that. I actually believe that if we ever had anything like that, which we haven't, and I would call you.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
But what I find is if you can't call the person, I would just think about, this is the second part of that statement. My monk teachers would always say, Instead of judging people by their actions, judge them by their intentions and judge yourself by your actions, not your intentions. Oh, think about all the stupid things you've said, you've done and got wrong.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And all of a sudden you start to recognize, wait a minute, If someone judged me for that, I'd feel pretty bad about it. That doesn't define me. That's not who I am. And all of a sudden, when you have that reflection, it flips the entire statement. Wait a minute, that can't be who I am.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
I believe if someone really listens today, and then reflects and then applies what we share, I believe their mind will become their best friend, not their worst enemy. I believe that time will feel like it's full of possibilities, not just full of pressure, which is what we so often feel with time. And I really believe that their life will feel clear and less foggy and less undecided.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
We're really quick to forget that the day we're living today is a day we dreamed of 10 years ago. Maybe not in a complete picture. Maybe you have the family you always wished for. Maybe you're on the career path that you've worked really hard for. Maybe you're sitting in the home that you couldn't even have imagined living in.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
But there's a part of your life that is exactly the life that you wanted. Not all of it, but there's a part of it. And when you forget that, you lose out. on recognizing you're already living in the dream and that you already have the power to create that future dream because you've already done it once. So you have to remember that where you are today is what you wanted yesterday.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And what you want today, you can create tomorrow because you've already done it once, but we forget it so quickly. I have to remind myself all the time, Mel, I was driving to one of my friends' homes the other day. And this is a friend that I used to grow up watching on television, watching their movies, listening to their music. And they've become one of my closest friends in life.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And I had to pinch myself. Now we've been friends for like seven years. I had to pinch myself to be like, do I know what I'm doing? I have to go back to being at the beginning of that journey because otherwise you can take anything for granted. It's like you get to the top of a mountain after a long hike and you look at a view.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
You can get really familiar and bored of that view really, really quick unless you recognize... The challenge it took, the steps you took, the person you saw on the way up. You have to sit there and remember all of that. But the memory does this weird thing where it just forgets it. As soon as you achieve something, you forget how you dreamt of achieving it.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
As soon as you get somewhere, you forget how once upon a time, you couldn't even imagine getting there. Where you are today is what you wanted yesterday. And don't forget how you got there because that's the hidden secret of how you get to the next place.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
When life's knocked you down, it's hard to be grateful for the good things in your life.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And it's sometimes bad advice because someone's just lost a marriage, lost a family member, whatever it may be.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
But if you're going to be grateful, you sometimes have to do a counterintuitive practice. Instead of being grateful for what you have, think about how your life would be without something. I find that to be the greatest thing for gratitude. If I try and be grateful for something that I've had for a long time, I may get bored of it. I may be familiar with it.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
But if I ask myself, what would my life be without that? Oh my gosh, all of a sudden, I'm so grateful. What would my life be without? Have you ever had it where you just like hurt your little finger or like get a little cut and now you can't use a finger or you can't use a thumb and all of a sudden you're like, oh my God, I'm so grateful for my hand because what would my life be like without it?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
This is the way we have to trick our mind. Humans are better at noticing something when it's about to go away. We always hear the phrase, you don't know what you've got until it's gone. So we have to use that in our favor to think, not what do I have that I'm so grateful for? What could I not live without? That is life-changing.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
It really works. It really works. It really works. And it's so simple. And, you know, you can apply it to small and big things. But even I was thinking, as you were saying friendship, I was thinking about our friend Dave Hollis. Oh, yeah. And, you know, I know you spoke at his funeral and I sadly couldn't be there. But as I'm thinking about it, I'm like, I was grateful for Dave.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
I actually had some really beautiful interactions with Dave. Same. I really did. He was a wonderful man. But it's only when you sadly lose someone that you really recognize, wait a minute, I can't call them again. I'm not going to get a call from him again. I'm not going to see him at our next get together. And then all of a sudden, so like do that while people are here. And it's not a fear thing.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And they'll actually know their next move, their next step. Maybe not the whole picture, maybe not this big idea of the future that we all seem to overwhelm ourselves with, but they'll know their next step, their next move, and they'll feel confident and secure that it's the right step. So I'd say that's what they'll get from listening today and reflecting and applying.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
It's a gratitude thing, right? It's not like I'm living in fear of what if I lose this person. You're asking yourself, what would my life be without this? Oh my gosh, I'm so glad I have it. I'm so grateful I have it. I'm so lucky and fortunate I get to have this. That's what you're fueling your life with, not with fear.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
You're so right. You're spot on. It's this idea of having the full picture.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
What do you mean? And I want to approach it from a really interesting take. And it comes from what we were talking about a few seconds ago around comparison. So Mel, there's only really, apart from what we said about how to turn jealousy, which I love, There's really only one way to overcome comparison. And it's having the full picture of the person you compare yourself to.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
You've got to know what's happening behind their perfect Instagram posts. Do you know how many times they cried themselves to sleep this week? Do you know the argument they just had with their mom last night? Do you know the challenge they're going through with their kids right now? Do you know about the family member who has an illness?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
All of a sudden, when you actually get the full picture on someone's life, you now don't compare yourself to them because you realize no one's life is perfect. They're just better at cropping out the pain. They're just better at editing out the parts that they don't want you to see.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
But when you see what someone's really going through, all of a sudden you won't compare it anymore because you recognize everyone's going through something difficult.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Do people show up for you when you're going through a bad day? Are people present for your good days but absent for your bad days? Do people turn up, call, check in when things are going wrong? Does someone see the best in you when you're your worst self? Does someone see the good in you when you might be having a bad day? That person is more special than anyone you'll ever meet.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
So keep them close. Don't run the risk of pushing them away, losing them, taking them for granted, because one day you'll wish that they'll call and check in and you might have lost them by then. So the bad times in our life
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
genuinely show us the great people because it's at that point that you're hard to support you're hard to love you're hard to give energy to it might not be popular to be your friend which what does that prove it proves that person values you more than popularity it proves that person values you more than their reputation it proves that that person values you more than all the stress
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
That is the most special person you'll ever meet. And everyone has at least one of them. But the problem is we want attention from these people. So we lose affection from these people.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
It's because people have shown up for me. That's the reality of it. I'm good at showing up for people because people have shown up for me. And it's not always the same people. That's the mistake we make. We think that the people we show up for should be the people that show up back for us. Oh, say more about that. So we believe that when we show up for someone, they should show up for us.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
We want people to love us in the same way we love them. but people won't love you the way you love them. And that's okay because there's someone over here who's showing up for you and you're missing out on them. There's someone over here who's turning up for you, who's checking in on you. I remember saying to my monk teacher, I said, I feel like I give so much love to others.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
I said, I feel like I show up so much for other people, but they don't show up for me. What do I do? And he said, love is like a circle. Whatever love you give out will always come back to you. But it might just not be from those people you gave it to in the first place.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
But if you spend your whole life wondering why that person doesn't give you love back, you're ignoring all these people over here who give you love all the time. So turn around. Look around you. There is someone who's showing up for you, turning up for you, checking in with you, even when you don't acknowledge them. And start looking towards that person and giving them some respect.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Well, here's the interesting thing, Mel. I think what we don't realize is that there's actually five steps from listening to change. What? Yeah, there's five in between, but they're very simple. And if we actually follow them, we're guaranteed success. So the first is learn.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
That's powerful, Mel. I love what you're saying. And it's so true. The first thing we have to ask ourself is, Did I show up for you, for you? Or did I show up for you, for me? What do you mean? If I'm showing up for you, for you, then I don't need you to show up back for me.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
But if I showed up to prove to you that I showed up, now I need you to show up back for me to prove to me that I did the right thing. It's almost like an insecurity of like, I'm doing it because I expect you to do it back, which is what you said at the beginning. It's transactional. If I do something for you, and I don't expect anything back, that's called love.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
If I do something for you and I expect it back, that's called a transaction. That's business. That's a contract. I don't want to have a contract with someone I love. So why would I be measuring them based on how they do the exact same thing back for me? If you think about that, let's say Mel, I organized your birthday party because I love organizing birthday parties.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
The fact that people are listening to us today, the fact that people follow you, they read your books, they may listen to mine, they get the opportunity to learn. But what's the difference? We know lots of people that learn but never get to change their life. So what's going wrong? What's the missing part? After learning, we have to experiment. You've got to try this out.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Does that mean you have to organize my birthday party to show me you love me equally? What if you didn't organize my birthday party, but you called me when I had a really tough day at work and you checked in with me and gave me some great wisdom and insight? Is that equal? Or actually, do I see that as not equal because you didn't spend seven days or seven months planning an event for me?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Now, are we counting time or are we measuring emotion? How do you value two? I can't value you based on the hours you put into our friendship. Let's say that I was struggling something and you sent me a text. But when you were struggling, I called you up. Does that mean I care more about you? Or was that text just perfect for what I needed? We're measuring these very immeasurable things.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Are we counting days, hours, months, emotions? laughs, what are you going to keep a score on? And so I think we're keeping a score on things that you can't measure. And this is one of the limits I have with the love languages. I actually don't want you to love me the way I want to be loved. Wait, what do you mean by that?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
I believe that if I want you to love me exactly the way I want to be loved, I'm actually limiting how much you can love me because you have something to offer me that is different to what I even know I can receive. So if I say to you, Mel, the only way you can show me love is gifts because that's what blows my mind. That's great. I do like gifts. But guess what?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
What if your best way to offer love is acts of service? What if your best way of love is quality time? Now I'm going to miss out on the greatness you have to offer me because I'm going to say, I only want you to give me this. What if you wanted to give me the world? And I said, just give me a gift. So I'm limiting, I'm limiting how much love.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
So when love matures, I think when love is young, it's a great principle. But when love matures, and by the way, me and Radhi have been through this. When I met Radhi, I was that guy. So I love gifts. And I had to do a lot of unpacking as to why I love gifts. Why do you love gifts? It's because my mom couldn't always be there for me on my birthday. We couldn't spend quality time. She was working.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
She was the breadwinner, but she always got me that one gift. I'd come home and the Power Ranger would be wrapped up there and I'd unwrap it and I'd have so much joy. So when I met Radhi, Radhi comes from a family where quality time is the gift. They don't really give each other gifts, which to me, when I first met her, I was like, this is bizarre. And what is wrong with all of you?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And I wanted, this is ridiculous, but I remember the new iPad mini was out and I'd kind of hinted to her that I wanted this iPad mini. Anyway, I unwrapped my gift on my birthday and it's an Asus. I was like, I wanted an iPad mini. Who gets someone an Asus? And it sounds ridiculous, but I'm telling it because of how ridiculous we can be.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And she literally said to me, she was like, oh no, but I asked my family and they said, this one's got better specs and it's actually better than the iPad and it's better resolution. I was like, but I wanted the iPad. And I'm telling this story because...
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
You may try it out tomorrow and it may not work. You may try it out on Wednesday and it will work perfectly. You may try out in a week and then there'll be a little dip. So experiment with it. Don't feel like it's going to be perfect tomorrow. Play with it. Have fun with it. And then the third step is perform. Once you've experimented, you get into a groove. You start to feel it working.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Radhi and me learned as our relationship developed that Radhi had so many beautiful ways to show me love and she turned up in so many amazing ways, but I would ignore all of them because I didn't get a gift on my birthday or the gift I wanted on my birthday.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And I think so many of us are ignoring the amazing ways our partners, our kids, our parents show up for us because they don't show up in exactly the way we want. And here's the point. No one will ever love you exactly how you want because that's your job and that's God's job. We will wish, wait, want every single week, month and year for someone to love us in a particular exact way.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And they will always fail us because that was your job. It was never theirs in the first place. That was God's job. It was never theirs in the first place. So open yourself up to the limitless love that people show up. Maybe you're... partner makes you coffee in the morning. Maybe they're the ones that make the bed.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Maybe they're the one when you're on the road to check in with you and order something to your hotel room. Maybe they're the one that reminds you that you forgot your glasses or your wallet. Maybe they're the one that remembers to put the dishes away, whatever it is. They're doing something and it's love. They may not say, I love you. It may not look like I love you, but it is.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And by the way, when you tell them, hey, you didn't get me this one thing, or you didn't say this one thing, They're thinking, how did you miss all of the other things? And guess what? You discourage them from loving you. You don't encourage someone to love you by telling them you're disappointed. No one's going to give you more because you made them feel bad.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
People love you more when they see you noticed all the little things they did. And all of a sudden they feel inspired to give you more.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Me too, by the way.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
You start to notice in your body, your mindset feels different when you wake up in the morning. Now you don't have to do all the conscious stuff anymore. It's kind of unconscious. And then finally, there'll always be struggle just before you're about to unlock this new level of greatness. And then finally, there's thrive.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Thank you for sharing that. And by the way, I feel the same way too. It took me so many years of unpacking to understand why I was so fixated. But the way I think about it is the person that texts you when they don't want anything, don't forget that person. The person who calls you when they don't need anything, don't forget that person.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
The person who comes over and swings by just to chat, even when you're busy, don't forget that person. The person who walks in and remembered that you had something happening at work or something happening in your home or something happening in your life, don't forget that person. We do it by starting to recognize those people in our life that are not big and crazy, but they're consistent.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
The consistent people in our life are the people that are forgotten. The people who've become like furniture. The people who've become so familiar. But guess what? They were the people that texted you when they needed nothing. They're the people that called you when they wanted nothing. They're the people that checked in with you with no transaction required.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Take a moment to just think of that person and message them now and don't ask for anything. Just tell them. Tell them how you feel. Message them and say, thank you so much for showing up for me when you didn't want anything in return. Thank you so much for checking in with me when you got nothing out of it. Acknowledge them for that because we have to start noticing it.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
We have to start noticing it. It's so easy. And this is why I have this habit that whenever I think of someone, I send them a message. Whatever my thought may be, I'll send them a message. And the message will just say, thinking of you, Mel, sending you lots of love. And I do it all the time.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
The amount of times in the last month that that person has responded to me immediately and said, I was just talking about you. I was just thinking about you. Oh my gosh, I was just sharing something you put online or shared on Instagram or whatever it may have been. The amount of times that's happened is truly blowing my mind.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
So to me, that reflection process is those three steps in between of experimenting, performing, and struggling. It's the ability to try something out. Then reflect back and go, wait, how could I have done that 1% different? How could I have done that 2% different? What do I need to shift? And as soon as you start doing that, you start enjoying reflection. So reflection is not just in the mind.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And I've realized because you know, we all have this sense, you and I, all of us, everyone who's listening and watching right now has this intuition when someone needs us. But we're scared. We're scared to message with no reason. We're scared we might be disrupting someone or they're too busy. We're scared. But no, no, no. That's what that person wants.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
That person wants you to just send love when they're busy. That person wants you to say hello when they're having a crazy day. Because guess what? You're the only person doing that. Everyone else is asking for something or wants something from them. The best time to message someone is when you don't want anything.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
How do I think about love? Such a beautiful and big question.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Thank you. So sweet. That touches my heart. I think what you just said there's even more interesting about blocking love. If you still see your mom calling, That's a blessing. If you still see your dad's name on your phone, sending you a text, that's a blessing. 10 years from now, you're not going to remember the meeting you were in.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
20 years from now, you're not going to remember the task you were doing. That's how we block love. We block love because when it's coming in, when it's coming freely, when it's coming unlimitedly, we don't know how to hold on to it. There's this beautiful poem from India that says, when God wants to give us something, how much can these two little hands hold on to?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
It's something you're practicing. It's something you're experimenting with.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And when things are taken away from us, how much can these two little hands hold on to? And it's this beautiful idea of God's ever flowing love that's unlimitedly there. And we can just try to catch and hold whatever we can. And at the same time, when something's going away, there's an insignificance that we have where we can't hold on to it anymore. So what do we do? We pick up the call.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
We return it. We message back. we don't block it by saying, oh, they just keep connecting. Oh, that person just keeps calling. Oh, that person just, the amount of people that are blocking love because they're thinking that person's needy or that person's desperate or that person's, not cool enough to be my friend, or that person's not interesting enough to be my friend.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
I love that.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
I know so many people today that are leaving friendships and relationships behind because the person's not cool enough, smart enough, talented enough, whatever it is. Because when someone shows and wears their heart on their sleeve, we see that as a weakness. We believe that love is chasing someone rather than wanting someone who never wants to leave.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
We would rather chase, pursue, and court someone because we believe that love has to be earned rather than receive it freely from all of these people around us who are giving it to us unlimitedly because we think that love is valuable if it's rare. We believe that love is valuable if it's given in small doses. If someone's holding it back a little, it feels like power.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And that feels like love to us. But that's not love. It's control. That's not love. It's manipulation. That's not a partnership. It's ownership. So if you're looking for a relationship, love should just flow freely. Love is not measured. It's not calculated. It's not counted. It's not... some algorithm. It's not a number. It's completely a free flowing energetic force. And it is in your life.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
It is flowing within you. You are made of it. You are actually made of it. And it is flowing freely within you to you at all times. It's why you are alive. But if you block it, it's like when the sun's out and you turn the blinds down. The sun is freely showering its rays onto every single home. The sun does not discriminate. The sun will freely give its sun to everyone.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
But if you put the shades down, you're blocking it.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Be that person. Be the person to text someone love. Be the person to call in and check in on someone, even if they don't check in on you. Be the person who goes and helps someone with their groceries because they need it. Be the person who goes and gives love to others, even if they're not feeling it back. Because that's the beautiful thing about love. Love is not only experienced in receiving.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
It's experienced in giving. That's the most phenomenal thing about love is that when you're giving someone something special, you feel love just as much as they do. Sometimes we feel it even more than when we're receiving something, right? There's this feeling of when you've done something for someone you love, there's a joy in it. You think about it. You said you love gardening.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Gardening is the best analogy for this. There is no rose in the world that grows the day you plant the seed. There is no plant in the world that grows the day you plant the seed. It takes months, sometimes even years for a tree to have a beautiful fruit or a beautiful flower. And it takes a particular season. Now, if you planted that seed and said, why don't I have a fruit today?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Absolutely. Absolutely. And by the way, isn't it just the case, Mel, that even something that you've done for years, you still need to keep experimenting with it. So just because something worked last year doesn't mean it's going to work this year. You've got to keep that process going. And that's what makes it fun and alive. And it doesn't become routine and monotonous.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
It wouldn't make sense. I'd look at you like you're crazy. But that's what we do in love. We plant the seed today and we want the fruit, the flower and the shade today. And the deepest form of love is something that Emerson said, plant trees under whose shade you do not plan to sit. And that's what you do. You are helping so many people that you probably don't even know.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Hopefully they'll get to meet you one day and tell you, Mel, I really hope that you get to hear it. But there'll be so many people who never do. But you're not doing it for that. You're doing it because you're happy for trees to just exist so that other people can get fruits and flowers and shade. So let's not sit here and plant the seed today and expect to... Eat the fruit today.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
It doesn't work that way. Plant the seed and keep planting the seeds. And you will find decades from now, there'll be someone who comes to you 25 years from now and says, you did this one thing. I love calling my teachers. I love calling old teachers. I'm really good friends with all the schools I went to.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
I love calling professors, teachers, talking about them in interviews, making them feel really embarrassed and just saying how much they changed my life and how much I love them. Because I don't think they knew that then. At that time, I was just a teenager who had teenage issues and didn't care about teachers and probably, you know, whatever. I was just a kid.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Now, when I look back, I'm like, that teacher changed my life. Let me tell them. And that's a seed that they planted all those years ago. So live for that. You know, let's live for that. Let's not live for this instant, immediate love. Who was a teacher from when you were little? Oh gosh, there's a couple. So there's two that come to mind as soon as you say that.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
One is Mr. Buckridge, who was my art teacher. And I loved art at school. And actually, when I was 11 years old, my favorite subject was math and my least favorite subject was art. And when I went to high school, my favorite subject was art and my least favorite subject was math. and art I fell in love with because of this teacher, because there was something beautiful he taught me.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And I really owe this to him. Every time I presented a piece of work, he'd say to me, why did you do it? And At that time, I didn't have an answer. I just did it because it looked good. It looked cool. My answer was that basic. Yeah, they look good together. The colors match. Oh, this looks cool. It looks trendy. And he'd never be satisfied with that. He'd say, why did you do it?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And he kept asking me that. And in the beginning, it would annoy me. It would annoy me so much. It'd be like, God, come on. It looks good. Who cares? Just give me an A. Like you like the look of it. He loved how it looked, but he wasn't satisfied with that. Say why? I believe he's the reason I became such an intentional person.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Because he didn't allow me to place one color or dot or shape next to something else if I could not explain why. So today, if you come to my home, you come to my space, everything from the moment I wake up to what I see, to which book is by my bedside, to what quote is next to my work desk, everything is meticulously intentionally planned out because he never allowed me space
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And so I love reflection being in action.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
to just do something because it looked good. And that is the biggest gift he's given me because my life is so intentional. And he gave me that. He was an art teacher. I didn't know that at 11 to 18 when he was my teacher, but I look back and I know it now.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And everyone should do that. Everyone should reach out to a teacher. If they can, if that person's still alive and just tell them, send them an email, drop them a Facebook message, DM or whatever access, call the school if you have to. Like it will just, it creates that energy in our life of gratitude and valuing people and appreciation. And it will come back.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
The one thing is, if you're feeling stuck, I want you to ask yourself one question. Life can either be a school or a hospital, a movie, or a mountain. Ask yourself, if life feels like a school right now, what do I need to learn? Because the same lessons will keep repeating until we learn them.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
If you're feeling like you're caught in a spiral of the same thing after the same thing, life is trying to teach you something, go to the school of life. Sometimes life feels like a hospital. There's something to heal.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
if you feel in pain, if you feel held back, if you feel like you're not strong enough yet to go out there and go after something, ask yourself, what do I need to heal and start healing? Sometimes life feels like a movie. Everything's kind of going in a great direction. Pause and ask yourself, what do I need to experience? Because this experience will also dissipate and disappear.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Let me really experience it. And finally, for those who are already on their path, life can feel like a mountain. Ask yourself, what do I need to climb? What skill do I need to learn to climb better? You're stuck because you haven't figured out whether life is a school, a hospital, a movie, or a mountain.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And as soon as you see the patterns, are you being questioned again and again to learn something? Are you being challenged again and again to learn something? Are you just feeling so much pain that you can't even bear the burden to move forward? Then it's all about healing. Are you living at the top of the world, but time feels like it's moving too fast? Immerse in that experience.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And if you're building right now, build that skill so you can climb higher and faster.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
You know what? You're more present than I am. I was so locked in. I didn't feel it until you said it. And I looked over and I'm like, wow, shows how present you are. That's beautiful. I love that.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
My parting words, I'm so grateful to you, Mel. You know, I'm so grateful to you because you've just done this for so many years and given your heart and you are receiving everything that you deserve. Everything that you're getting, you deserve so deeply.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And it is so beautiful to witness your friends being honored and being adored and being loved because there's a sense that I know we both always have that to shift the world, it's going to take a lot of us. We're going to have to work together. And what I love about you is that you are always spotlighting your friends. You're always showing up for your friends.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
You're always supporting your friends behind the scenes and on camera. I always say to people, my public life is amazing, but my private life is better. And my private life is better because of people like you. Because we get to have genuine relationships, sincere, deep, real relationships for years offline. And they support everything online.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
If someone's online life is better than their offline life, that's a really hard place to live. And I'm so grateful that because of friends like you, I get to say the opposite.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Thank you. I want to give you a big hug.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Yeah. And thank you to all of you as well. All of you that are listening and watching right now, you're already on the path. The fact that you're listening to Mel, this is the path. You don't have to start something new. You don't have to suddenly figure it out. You are figuring it out. That's why you're here.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
So please feel encouraged and fueled and connected, knowing that you've already committed. You're already showing up for yourself. You've already invested in yourself. The fact that you're here proves that you're already living the world that you want to live in. So don't feel like you've got to start something, figure it out, like that you're stuck. You're already not stuck.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
You're already moving. If you were stuck, you wouldn't be here. See that as building momentum and keep showing up.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
I love this top too.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
I love what you asked there because you said, how would you like someone to think about that moment? What I'd like people to remember is that you're not stuck. You're actually grieving a past version of yourself. So there's a part of you that's died, that actually you left behind a long time ago, but there's a part of you that still misses it. You still want things to be the same.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
That's such a cool story.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
No one has stuff like that.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
That's amazing. And the most beautiful thing about being your friend is that I've been able to FaceTime with you. We've had conversations in the back of cars, in hotel rooms in Montreal.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Yeah, sorry. Roddy and Chris were there. Yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry. I should have been... I should be more careful because I'm saying it with so much love.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Mel's dragging me. Yes.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Yeah, I'd love to. I'd love to take you to India.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Oh, my God. You're amazing.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
You still want things to be that way. And that keeps pulling you back. And that's actually blocking you from making the next move. It's stopping you because life used to be this way or life used to feel this way. And so we're stuck, not because we don't know what to do next. We're stuck because there's a part of us that wants to hold on to what we have here.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
There's a beautiful Zen teaching that says, what's holding you back is what you're holding onto. And I think if people think about that for a second, what are you holding onto that's holding you back? What are you clinging onto that's keeping you stuck? There's an identity, an idea, a mindset, a behavior, an attitude that is keeping you held back.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And once you let go of that, once you open and release your hands, all of a sudden you feel free. So what identity, what habit, what mindset, what expectation are you letting yourself be held back by that if you were to let go of, you could easily move forward?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Yes. So all three examples you gave apply. If you've raised your kids and they've left the house, there's a part of you that misses what the home felt like with their energy. And now you spend all your day thinking about all the memories in the corners. You look in this corner and you remember your child growing up. You look in this corner and you remember Christmas dinner. You look at this place.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
So you're constantly surrounding yourself with an identity that no longer exists. So you don't have the time or the energy or the presence to be able to even think about what comes next because there's a part of you that still feels affected. If you go through a relationship breakup, you keep looking at pictures of when you went on vacation.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
You keep looking at the pictures of when you had your first date. You keep looking at the memories of maybe it's a clothing, piece of clothing, maybe it's an item at home, whatever you're surrounded by. So you're still living as if you're still dating that person in your mind. Mm-hmm. And so that's all holding on to something that is an identity that's already moved on in life.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Your kids have already moved on. They're at college or they're getting engaged. Your ex has already moved on. They're in a new relationship or they're alone. So reality has moved on, but you've held on to the piece of clothing, the memory, the photo, the whatever it may be. And that's what's keeping you stuck. So my question to everyone is, what is that thing for you?
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And how do you learn to release it? That's the focus. I think we think we're stuck because we don't know what to do next. No, we're stuck because we're still holding on to what's behind us. And as soon as you release it, you propel yourself forward. Have you ever felt that before? And you're holding on to something really tight. If you let go of it, all of a sudden you feel momentum.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Momentum doesn't come from knowing where you're going. It comes from knowing that I don't want to be here anymore.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
It's the identity and the reputation that that identity is built.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
Yes, so it's saying, well, I'm a teacher. I can't be a social media creator. I'm a teacher. That's what my friends know me as. That's not what my students know me as. That's what my parents know me as. That's what my kids know me as. How can I be a teacher and be a social media creator? It's not possible. That can't be the case. What do I have to offer? I'm a nurse.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And by the way, that's what everyone in my social circle knows me as. So now if I record a podcast, they're going to look at me and think, wait, what does she have to say? What are you going to teach the world? Oh, I'm a mom. I can't be a mom and own a TikTok shop. I don't know how to do that. I didn't go to business school. So this is what we do.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And the real reason is because our social circle has validated or at least approved that current position. Everyone in our social circle knows what that means. They recognize it and they understand it. As soon as we do something that people don't understand, we're scared that they're not going to like us.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
A Process for Finding Purpose: Do THIS to Build the Life You Want
And as soon as we think they're not gonna like us for doing something they don't understand, we leave behind what we love because we say, well, I can't do it if they're gonna misunderstand me. I can't do it if they're gonna dislike me. I have so many friends right now, Mel, honestly, that are scared to put out a video because they feel the pressure from their own friends.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Because I found that up until now, I felt like I had to do lots of little things all the time to be able to establish what I'm doing today. And now I realize it's actually gonna take fewer, bigger things that you can only get to if you've done this step before. But now I realize that that's what it's gonna take. And so what I found was, as I was doing this work, I realized that
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
often the blocks to love are not because you don't have the deep intention to love people but it's that you are putting yourself under so much stress and pressure that you're too agitated and irritated to be present and actually share love so i saw this study that talked about how you think you don't wake up early the next morning even though you wanted to because you're bad at waking up early
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
But the truth is it's because you're actually experiencing stress. And when you're experiencing stress, you can't implement a new habit. And so reducing stress allows you to be the person you want to be. If you think about when you say something you don't want to say, it's because you're irritated. Reactive. Yeah, when you do something you don't want to do, it's because you're stressed.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
When you react to someone in a way that you don't think is yourself, it's because you're agitated. So we act in unloving ways because we are putting ourselves under stress, irritation, agitation, or pressure.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And so for me, what I've realized that if I wanna be my best loving self and be present with each and every person and be conscious of that energy, I have to learn to not put myself under so much stress that I can't be present. So that's been a big lesson of love that you can't love while you're putting yourself under stress or pressure in any way.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Yes, exactly.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Yeah. The other one that came to mind when you said that as you're speaking is Russell Barkley said that the people who need the most love ask for it in the most unloving ways. And the commitment I've made to myself is I no longer want to ask for love in unloving ways. I no longer want to be snappy to feel loved. I no longer want to be demanding to experience love.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
I no longer want to make someone else feel a passive aggressive comment to feel love. I want to communicate about the type of love I need in an open and honest way rather than trying to hope that someone else is gonna figure it out because I'm sending subliminal messages or I'm being distant or I'm avoiding them. And so that was something deeply that I learned was that
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
We just constantly keep asking, even the people that love us the most, we keep requesting and demanding love in the most unloving ways. And if we can free ourselves of that, you can actually make a relationship really special and beautiful. And so we have to let go of that.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Yeah, that's a great question. I'd have to say that I was probably at a... seven or eight before, to be honest, because even though my work's been noticed publicly in the last five years or six years, there was a whole 10 to 11 years before that where I literally did this for whoever showed up.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Literally, so like when I was 18, and of course, in my first book, I tell the story of how I met monks, I had a society at university called Think Out Loud. And what it was was a community where I would put out flyers and posters myself and whoever wanted to come from my university would attend. And it was called Think Out Loud.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
I would dissect a movie based on philosophy, psychology, and spirituality. So I would take a movie like Inception and I would break it down. I'd take a movie like and break it down. I'd take a movie like The Butterfly Effect, Good Will Hunting, like I'd take these incredible movies and I'd do these sessions. They'd be absolutely free. And I did it for the first year and five to 10 people came.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Second year, maybe 25 people came. Third year, there were sometimes 100 people who were in the room. And I was just doing it because I loved it. Then I became a monk. When I came back, I did the same thing in the corporate world. I had a event in London called Conscious Living. It was on a Friday night.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Literally five to 10 people would show up once a month, but it would make me so happy to spend hours with them afterwards. I would literally do a session. I'd serve everyone food, because we'd always sit down to break bread. And then we'd sit down for two, three hours, and I would just answer people's questions and sit with them. And I didn't have any followers. I didn't have any platforms.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
I didn't have any audience, but I loved it. And so I was already living the dream, in my opinion, because I was getting to do what I love on top of having a day job. And to me, that felt realistic. When I look at my happiness and joy now. Scale of one to 10 in like the, yeah. I'd say, to be honest, there's days when it's, a nine and there's days when it's a five. Really?
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Yeah, it oscillates and it's because. Why is that? Well, I think it's because I've
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
taken on so much more now to think about to be in charge of to lead you have other people that you're responsible for you have teams of all of these people that rely on you to do what you do best and take care of them and connect and they're trying to help you out and build with you and so the responsibility scale level is so much higher now
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And so it's not that I don't feel peaceful in my purpose, but it's that you do deal with daily stress, daily challenges, daily pressure in a way that I didn't before because it was just about me.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Well, one thing I've understood, though, with that point is that the reason why that translates is that discomfort is where you grow. That's it. And that's what I realized. You can't stay comfortable. You can't. And so I find that a lot of my life today, I often say to people, I think 75% of my working week is in my discomfort zone. And so I really crave comfort in my relationships.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
I crave comfort on my weekends. Peace at home, relax. Exactly, yeah. I have great relationships with you, of course. And we have a good group of friends and I have good relationship with my wife. And like, so I rely on my personal relationships to have some comfort and some stability as I take on discomfort in my service and purpose. And so I think that makes sense.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And so I think you also just get better at understanding what growth looks like and what you need. I think if I just sat and lived that life forever, I don't think it would have stabilized. I don't think I would have stayed at a seven or an eight. That would have probably come down as well, but for different reasons.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And so the reason that now it comes down are actually positive, healthy reasons or can be managed in a healthy way.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
I think that when I started this journey in my life of trying to make wisdom go viral and to share ideas and help people train their mind for peace and purpose every day, there was a certain speed and pace that allowed me to figure out what I needed to do every 12 months.
The School of Greatness
How To Heal The Pain From Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And now I feel like I'm moving away from thinking about the next 12 months to thinking about the next 12 years and thinking about the next 20 years and thinking about the next 30 years. And so I feel like I'm at an evolution and growth in my own life where a change of pace will be what I'm looking for.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
respecting their values and then you've got a commitment towards helping them get to their goals right so that's my definition of love my definition of love is when you like someone's personality when you respect their values and you're committed to helping them towards their goals which means you have to know what your values are and theirs and you have to know what your goals are and theirs and someone asked me the other day they're about to get married and they said jay what's your advice
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And I said, do you know your partner's top three values? And they struggled. They're like, oh, I think so. Friends and family. Yeah, exactly. Very broad things. And I was like, well, what does that mean? What's the hierarchy? What's the order? And then I said, well, do you know your partner's goals for the next 12 months? And they struggled again. They were like, oh, I don't know.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
They're just settling into a new job. And I was thinking, if you don't know who your partner is and where they're going, then how are you meant to be their partner? And so to me, check-ins about these three things regularly and consistently give you a full vision of who your partner is and where they're headed. And that's so good.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Exactly. And that's the study that shows that to make some, and me and you are great friends because of this, by this definition too. And I've really thought about this. So to make someone a casual friend, you should have spent 40 hours with them. 40 hours for a casual friend. If you consider someone a good friend, you have to spend a hundred hours with them.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And if you consider someone a great friend, you should have spent 200 hours with them. We've definitely spent more than 200 hours together. But that's the question I would ask when you say like their personality, can you spend 200 present hours together? Not just 200 hours watching TV or other movies, present hours. So that's the like the person.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Who gives more love to each other? Who does more work around the house? You turn the whole thing into a competition, which is not teamwork. And conscious love is not saying you're the selfless one, it's you're making agreements. I think that's the mistake that love was constantly, conscious love was always like, be selfless, love more than the other person, give more. That's not healthy either.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
I'm not going to choose the gym. Yeah.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
What's healthy is we're actually going to create boundaries We're actually going to create agreements. We're actually going to create principles. We're going to create rules. The reason why I called the book Eight Rules of Love is my hope that it will inspire other couples to create their own list of rules in their own relationship.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
So the man wrote, you, the kids, me. And she wrote, me, the kids, you. And he was so upset.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
So anyways, I don't want to. No, no, no.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Well, he was distraught and he was really upset because, He was just like, how can I be third on your list? And even more than that, he was actually upset that she put herself first. That's what he was more upset about. He actually wasn't that upset about being third. He was more upset about how are you first for yourself?
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
How is it not the kids? And her response was similar to yours that I want to be present, energized, and my best for you and the kids. I don't want to give my leftovers to you and the kids. And I often say this to people, like if someone is emotionally and energetically dead, how can they keep you alive? It doesn't make any sense.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And so what we have to understand is someone's not being selfish by focusing on themselves if they're doing it with a selfless spirit. That's the key. So you may meet a man who's not like Lewis and says, yeah, I'm first for me. I'm first. And they're only doing that because they think they're first. There's no, I'm going to take care of myself so I can be better for you.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
That's the spirit you're looking for. So you're looking for someone who's selfish with a selfless spirit, not just someone who's selfish. And there's a difference. And it could sound like the same thing. It could even look like the same thing. You could meet someone who says, I'm dedicated to my purpose. I'm dedicated to who I am. but it's not anything to do with you.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
A conscious relationship is one that is built on a foundation of healthy agreements. Toxic love is, it's interesting when you look at the word toxic as well. Tell me. So toxic love is when your trauma is the oxygen for your relationship. Right? If you think about the word, like the idea that your trauma is what you're breathing into the relationship. Right?
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And I think that's the difference. People who prioritize self-care in order to serve, that's the self-care we want in our lives. And so that's what I encourage in people, that you should always take care of yourself so you can take care of your partner, so you can take care of your kids. You're not just taking care of yourself just. It has to go somewhere.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
No, I'd actually say that this is such a great question. I'd actually say that more of our trauma, because this is what's interesting, right? The honest answer is it depends on what your trauma is, but
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
most people's trauma comes out more strongly in how to raise kids because now it goes back to how they were raised and what they got what they didn't get how you're treated and exactly so I'd say that raising kids becomes a really
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
tension-filled point for couples because both either think the way they were raised was great or Both had bad experiences and now they're repeating them with the kids or a mix of both and so I find that kids are also triggering because now you're getting to see who they love and who they respond to, who they listen to, who they like, who they connect with.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Now, of course, kids don't have favorites, especially when they're young, they don't even know. But there definitely is that feeling from an insecure parent that I do this all for them and they just wanna hang out with you or you get the fun side of the kids and I have to deal with the stress. And I'm not saying none of that's true.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
I'm just saying that I think raising kids triggers the most amount of trauma. And I've seen that. And it's natural because you are now looking at that kid with the lens of what did I not get at that age and I wanna give it to these kids. And even though that's a beautiful intention,
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
it may not be ideal because you may overcompensate you may struggle and what i've realized generally is that with any of this we're all going to make mistakes we're all going to get things wrong but i think with our kids we want to be perfect and we want to get it perfect because we love them and we don't want to mess something up and often it's that
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
recognizing that loving them is more important than perfecting everything around them and i feel that way with my parents like i feel my mom loved me so deeply and truly that despite all the imperfection of my upbringing her love is what lives inside of me and that is something that no one's ever going to forget whereas sometimes you can set up the perfect environment around the kids but if you don't fuel it with love if you don't fill it with the oxygen of love
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
they're not going to grow up with that or remember that.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
You're just breathing your trauma into the relationship. So you bring all your baggage, all your insecurities, and you're somehow expecting the other person to inhale it all and then figure out how to respond and react. Whereas a conscious relationship is saying that I have these things. I'm trying to heal them. I'm going to make my partner aware of what I'm healing because I'm not fully healed.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And now that they're aware and I'm working on it, we can also work on it together. So I think we've all said this unhealthy idea of conscious love being you're fully healed. And then you come, it's like, that's not true. It's a journey. And so, but the thing about the journey is, are you working on yourself? Have you communicated to your partner what you're working on so that they can be aware?
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And thirdly, have you found a way to get support? I had a friend whose partner was addicted to porn. And they came up to me and they were saying that their partner feels shameful and guilty and wants to work on it. And I said, you have two choices.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
You can either leave them because you don't believe them and this affects you negatively, which it was, or you can stay with them and support them through their journey because they want to change. It's not that you're forcing them to change. And they're honest about it. They're coming to you about it. They're vulnerable. They're vulnerable. They're open about it. They're honest about it.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And what I found in that scenario was that that person was able to support their partner. Now they have a really healthy relationship. But the thing is that we can't also... A toxic relationship is also when you use someone's trauma against them. So someone's been vulnerable with you about what they're struggling with, and now you use it as ammunition in an argument to shoot them down.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And so when people are vulnerable with you, when they're honest with you, when they're transparent with you, don't use that against them because basically you're saying to them, don't be honest with me. And I think that's this really interesting thing. We all say, I want someone who's honest, but then when someone says something honest, that's uncomfortable,
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Working hard to forgive.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
We say, no, no, no, I don't want your honesty, or I don't like that. And I think you push the other person away. And so, yes, if it's really, if they share something that's really not aligned with your values, of course you can leave and move on. But chances are, if they're opening up about a journey they're on, it's worth giving it an opportunity to support them if they're serious about it.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
I love that. That's such a great point. It's such a great question too, because you also realize that we have so many flawed views of conscious love too. And so people always think like, oh, toxic love, that's the worst. You could actually be doing pseudo conscious love and that's even worse sometimes. What does that mean? Like a spiritual bypass to conscious love? Yeah.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Or like you're practicing it in a really superficial way. Like it's conscious in the language and the way you talk about it, but you're doing unhealthy things. Like, for example, you could think you're in conscious love, but you can't deal with someone's honesty. You think you're in conscious love, but you don't feel comfortable having uncomfortable conversations.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
You think, oh yeah, we just talk about good stuff and everything's positive. Everything's perfect all the time. And we never argue. And it's like, well, no, it's important to have uncomfortable conversations. And so I find that A lot of couples struggle with having these uncomfortable conversations.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
We didn't get into fight styles, but we'll get there whenever you want, because that question was so good. That question was so good. And don't feel... I'm saying this as a friend now, like off camera, in the sense of like, this is so good, bro. Like, this is an interview that I haven't done with anyone because it's not about the book and we're getting into it. So it's like...
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
don't feel any pressure to go into the like yes the stuff we're talking about is amazing yeah yeah i just reiterating as a friend yeah yeah it's so good so what were you gonna say though you were saying something i was i was just saying that this superficial idea of conscious love becomes really practiced as a deeper love so so yeah like we we don't argue uh but we avoid having uncomfortable conversations uh everything's always good but i often go to sleep at night wondering what they're thinking
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
right like it that's not conscious because it looks good it's conscious because you're constantly working on i think we're so scared of accepting that something may need fixing because that means it's broken but it's not broken there's just parts to re-look at yes what are the things that most people don't think are harmful to hurting loving relationships
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
There's a few things I can think of. I'd say there's four coming to mind right now the first one I'd say is the idea of control I think we're trying to control the other person but it doesn't look like control it looks like care and that's the interesting thing it's like it's like manipulative correct care yeah exactly so control in a relationship can often look like care
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
But deep down, you're doing it because you want to control the other person. So you want to tell them what to wear. You want to tell them how to spend their money and how to invest it. You want to tell them how to live their life and which friends are good for them and which friends are bad for them. Now it's different when that's a conversation from them to you and asking for your advice.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
But the best thing you can do as a coach, a partner, a guide, a friend is to help someone understand what their goals are. We talk about this all the time. Like we don't project what I think is a worthy life or a worthy podcast or a worthy home onto what someone else wants because we all have different values. And so I think we do controlling means,
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
I don't want to understand your values and what you believe in. I'm going to project mine onto you because I think they're superior anyway. And I feel more comfortable if that's the case. And it's very subtle. Like this is something you have to really monitor. Like, you know, I'll give an example of like I've always been driven or at least I've been driven for a lot of my adult life.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And one thing I had to be really careful for when I met Radhi was to not project my ambition and drive onto how she lived. And hoping she does the same thing. Correct, because Radhi's this beautiful, abundant, like, sun energy. Joyful, feminine, flowing. Yeah, flowing, and she's in flow. And that's what makes her beautiful. That's what makes her attractive.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
It's what makes her special to me and to everyone else who knows her. And if I try and contain that, and try and direct it towards what I think it should be, I could potentially make her lose all of that. And so I've seen my role with Radhi as being more protecting and helping her protect that than exploiting it.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And I think it's so easy for us to think, well, I'm driven and I'm ambitious and look what I've done. And so my partner should do that too. And it's like, well, maybe they shouldn't. I remember I was speaking to a client, actually, no, this was a friend. They weren't a client. I was speaking to a friend and she was saying, oh, you know, my partner, he's lazy. He doesn't work hard.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
He doesn't have any ambition. And I said, well, if you want someone who has ambition, is driven and works hard, then he's not your guy. That's basically all it's saying. And she was saying, no, no, no, but he's really kind and loving and thoughtful. And I was like, OK, well, which one do you want? And if you want both, go out there and look for it. But chances are that's tough, too.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Or if he's driven, he may not have as much time for you. That's what it was. And that's exactly what she discovered, that she was like, I want someone who's driven and present. And I was like, they can be present in the moment, but they're not going to have as much time available.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Yes. The second one, which again is subtle, and that's why I love your quality of your question, because it's like, what do we miss or what do we not see is comparison. I think we do it without even knowing. I've heard couples literally say, oh, did you see where they went for their anniversary trip? And there's some passive messaging in there.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And you're passing it off like you're really happy for this person. But really, there's this part of you that's saying, we didn't do that. Or I wish we did that. Or why don't you think of stuff like that? And I think passive aggression in comparison, comparison will make your partner feel uncomfortable. comparison is the number one thing you can do to make your partner feel devalued and unlovable.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
There is nothing like comparing your partner to another person. Now, some people will say, I'm not comparing them. I'm just saying what someone else is doing. Yeah, but you're pointing out something that we're not doing, which makes me feel like I'm not enough. Exactly.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Exactly. Exactly. And I think that comparing is so unhealthy. Two more. I think complaining about your partner too much. your family and other people, it creates a loop. So if you complain about your partner to your family, then your family's gonna check in with you and then you complain again and then they check in with you.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Now, I'm not saying you don't talk to your family about your partner, but there's a difference in saying, hey, we're going through this and we're going to therapy and we're figuring this out versus, He's so this, she's so that, they're so that. And I find that that complaining that we do, it also seeps into what we spot in our partner. We're now looking for them to confirm our complaint.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
So if we just complained about our partner and said, oh, they never do this, When we go home and they haven't washed the dishes, we're like, oh, yeah, see, I was right. And now we're double triggered. Yes. Rather than talking to them and communicating and saying, hey, when I come home from work and I see this, I'm triggered by X, Y, Z. Let's talk about this.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
And the fourth and final one that comes to mind right now is this. This one's really tough because I had a friend who was going through this a lot. Whenever he was making progress in something, like let's say he got a promotion, his partner would say to him, I don't know how they promote you, I never see you work.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Diminishing them, so it's criticism. Yeah, it's like diminishing them about something that they've achieved or missed out on. Or someone saying, oh, I didn't get that promotion. And you say, well, yeah, I didn't really see you work for it. So there's criticism either way. And I think we do this because we wanna be honest with our partners or we want to tell them the truth.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
We don't wanna lie to them. Or most of the time it's because we're hard on ourselves. We're criticizing ourself for not achieving what we wanted. And now we project that criticism onto our partner for what they wanted. And criticism ends up making someone feel so far away from you. Like criticism increases distance in a relationship.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Toxic love is where both people are working independently to use the relationship to serve their own needs. That's toxic love. And conscious love is where both people independently take care of themselves so they can bring their best self to each other. Where this often goes wrong is that toxic love turns into a competition. Toxic love now is who's doing more for each other?
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
It pushes someone so far away because you've made them feel unworthy, unwanted, and not enough. And again, I'm not saying the opposite is praise your partner, tell them really nice things about themselves, but there's a way to communicate about certain challenges they're going through. It's not in the moment saying, hey, I didn't get the job. Oh yeah, well, better luck next time.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
Or, oh, it didn't quite work out. And you might say, well, people don't do this. I promise you, what I'd love for everyone to do with this, I'm gonna set a little challenge. If you're in a relationship, I want you to do an audit or a count of how many of these you do every week.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Building Deep & Meaningful Relationships
about your partner so just do it honestly honestly for the next seven days if you're in a relationship think about how often you complain compare criticize or try to control and just keep a count now you may get through the week and you only do one that's amazing i'm really really happy but if you're really self-aware and you're really questioning yourself i'd find that even i do a few of these things constantly and what's even
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
They're very interactive. I bring people up on stage. We do loads of experiments and interactive sessions. I'd walk out to the audience and loads of guys would like literally grab my hand and be like, take my girlfriend on stage, like literally just grabbing me by the hand. And so that was the most that was the place I got touched the most. But it was just there were all these quirks.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
But at the same time, the heart of the show, the parts that moved people, the parts that connected with people, the parts that resonated with people were exactly the same. And so that's what I love about touring is seeing how in a world where we think everything's so divided and we think that people are so different and we think that there's so many things that are pulling us apart,
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
we actually all resonate deeply with the same things. And so that's what I love about touring the most.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I think at the core of it, we're all moved by the same things. There's a reason why we all be on TikTok crying at a dog video, right? Like there's a reason for that. There's a reason why that video went viral in the first place because it made everyone feel something. And I think when you think about what 99.9% of humans want to feel, we want to feel love. We want to feel seen.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
you're having an impact. I feel like you're able to talk about really meaningful stuff, but make it hilarious, make it funny. That's the greatest superpower. So congrats.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And we want to feel understood. And when you can do that through comedy as you do, or when you can do that through insight and wisdom as I try to do, or when you can do that in all the beautiful ways that musicians do and actors do, when people feel that, that's what they're really looking for. And I think we're looking for spaces in the world that make us feel seen, heard and understood.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And you do that in your way and I try and do that in my way.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
No, not at all. No, no, no, no, it's not. I think it's good for people to vent.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Well, you've learned a good technique. So if you're going to vent, spread the vent. The biggest mistake people make is that they put all their venting and all their pressure onto one person. And that is so paralyzing and debilitating for that person that they can't handle it. And then we think they don't care about us or they don't have time. And the truth is they just don't have the capacity.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And so what I recommend to everyone is know who in your life what you go to them for and make sure you know who you are for other people too. And I think that a lot of us, if we spread our venting and if everyone did that, you'd actually find, oh, this person's really good when I have a relationship issue. This person's really good when I feel anxious. This person's really good.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And so what I often say to people is write down on a piece of paper Everything you ever need help with. And then write down a name of different people who can help you solve those problems. My hand would fall off. And make sure that you're doing them back. Make sure you also know what you give to those different people.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Because I'm sure there's some people that you're just there to make them laugh. And then there's someone that vents to you and opens their heart. And then there's someone else that, someone that you just love to hang around with. And so it's really important to figure out what different roles people play in our life and what roles we play in theirs. I have a question for you.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So it's not and I'll be fine. It's and an action. That's the really key part. It has to be a practical action that you're going to take. It's not just saying it to yourself. So I don't believe in you sitting there going, I'm scared of getting canceled, but I'll be okay. Because that doesn't work. Like your mind goes, well, what if I'm not? What if it doesn't work out?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So it's like, what action am I going to take? I am going to keep making three people laugh if that's all that's who shows up. I am still going to go on tour even if it goes small again. I'm still going to make a video even if there's only 3,000 people left. Because guess what? You started at zero. You've already done that. I remember one morning I woke up.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I was just about to hit a million followers at this time. So I was at like 984,000 on Instagram. And I was just about to hit a million followers. And I woke up and my whole account was wiped out. And there was no posts, no followers. Everything was gone. Like zero on everything. And I remember talking to my wife about it so she can vouch for the story. I was talking to my wife about it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I was like, oh, have you got a glitch on Instagram today? And she was like, no, no, mine's fine. And I'm messaging my friends just to see if it was a glitch. And everyone's like, no, it's fine. This was like six years ago now or something like that. And I'm texting all my friends just to make sure. And then I realized it's just me. And I'm thinking, okay. And I took a B.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And I was like, okay, I'll start again. Okay, that's it. We start again. We go again. And I really believed that in that moment because I love doing what I do. I love the content I was creating. I knew it was resonating with people. I was like, I can do that again because I've done it before. You've started at zero before. You can do it again.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Absolutely. That's right. You want me to tell you about it? Please. I was born and raised in London. And I always described myself, I was an average kid. I was doing everything under the sun, messing around, having fun. But when you grew up in an Indian family, the most important thing is getting good grades at school. So I always managed to get good grades at school.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And so the action is saying, I am going to keep creating stuff that I believe in, even if three people like it. Even if I upload a TikTok tomorrow and it doesn't do well, I'm gonna still allow it to be out there because I really care about what I'm doing. So it's taking an action that puts you into that discomfort right now so that when and if the real discomfort comes, you're already ready.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah, so I finished college. I graduated, but I missed my graduation ceremony because I went and became a monk for three years. What was that like? It was, I mean, we traveled a lot. So we lived across India, UK and Europe for those three years. And it was truly one of the best investments I ever made. I thought I was going to do it for the rest of my life. So I had a very different view going in.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
But now when I look back, I feel so lucky. It will sound crazy to everyone because you're waking up at 4 a.m. You have two sets of robes. You wear one, you wash one. All your possessions fit inside a gym locker.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And you don't even have your own bedroom or bed. You sleep in a room that's... About three times the size of this. And there's like sometimes 30 people in it or in a bigger room. If you're traveling, there could be 200 people in it. What if you get hot? You deal with it. Like there is no AC, at least in India. There'll be fans because they still use the old school method in the monasteries.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And it was just, it was a beautiful experiment in surrender and detachment in the sense that you don't get to choose what you eat. You don't get to choose where you sleep.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
you put a mat down and fall asleep wherever in the room that there's space left and it creates this really beautiful part in the mind which just goes i have no control and i'm not in charge and i'm still alive and it's like a really beautiful realization and then what is your like what is your day-to-day like us yeah so the morning hours are usually spent in meditation okay from like five
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
4 till like 8am and so there's group meditation and private meditation there's a class every day at 8 to 9 which is based on spiritual wisdom which is 5000 years old so you're learning from a teacher or mentor and then for the rest of the day you do different chores cleaning things around the monastery but then you go out so you go and feed homeless children you go and help people on the streets especially in India you go and cook for them you go and take part in all of these beautiful philanthropic ventures that
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
uh, was so meaningful. And that's what I was saying earlier is about mastering the mind in the morning and then serving for the rest of the day.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
It was really beautiful. So I remember like going to schools and giving kids food who don't have a packed lunch, who can't afford meals. And you'd look at the expression on this kid's face and, And it would just fill you up for the rest of the day that you were like, all right, I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning again and I'm going to go out and do it again.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So that I want to take you to as well. Can we shake on that? Yes. There we go. All right. I would love that. I would really love that. Yeah, it's really special. It's like this. It's the most like. It's almost like we've got so obsessed with ourselves and our anxiety and all of our overthinking is because we feel like this is the main character and all that matters.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And I really thought that I was going to graduate, get a safe job, get married, have kids, like do the thing. And all of that was kind of flipped on its head when I would go and get invited to go to talks at university. And this is before podcasting. This is early days. So you actually went to events. You heard people talk in person. And I'm at this event and I hear this monk talk.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And when I lived as a monk, I felt like life was about everyone else. And so you don't even think about your problems because you're out there helping other people and serving other people and making a difference. It's liberating almost because you forget about your challenges and problems while you're helping others with theirs.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah, yeah. Well, first of all, I'm going to say if you fall asleep during meditation, It's your body telling you you need sleep. Because what meditation is doing in the way you've done it is your mind and body are constantly at odds with each other. When you wake up in the morning, your mind says, God, I've got so much to do.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And your mind starts racing and your body goes, I wish we were still in bed. Or you wake up and it's the opposite. You wake up and your body's running around and your mind says, I wish we were still in bed. So all of us are experiencing our mind and body being out of sync. When you meditate, you're actually bringing your mind and your body into sync.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So if you fall asleep, that's your body and mind saying, we need rest. And so when you meditate, whatever you feel is actually what you need at that moment in time. So the fact that you fell asleep while meditating, it's perfection. It's brilliant. Like that's not a bad thing. You didn't do it wrong. What is the goal of meditation?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
There's three types of meditation that I was trained in and that I teach, and they all have a different goal. Breathwork is for the body. It's to regulate our body. If you think about it, and I'll tell you the story because I think you and your community will appreciate it. I remember my first day of monk school, and I saw a 10-year-old monk teaching younger monks And I was watching them.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And after the class, I asked him, what were you teaching them? And he said it was their first day of school. And he asked me, what did you learn on your first day of school? And I was like, maybe like ABC or 123. Like, I don't know. Like, I can't remember. And he said, well, on their first day of school, we teach them how to breathe. And I said, what do you mean?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
He said, well, if you think about your life and you think about every emotion, he said, every emotion is connected to your breath. He said, when you're happy, what changes? Your breath. When you're sad, what changes? Your breath. When you're anxious, what changes? Your breath. When you're elated and ecstatic, what changes? Your breath. Your breath is connected to every emotion in life.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So if you learn how to manage your breath, you can navigate life. And so breath is all about learning how to regulate an emotion through our body. So if you think about it, when you're nervous or anxious, you're breathing fast and you're breathing shallow. That's what happens. We will breathe fast. Our palms get sweaty. And so when you start exhaling for longer than you inhale...
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
your heart rate slows down, it goes deeper, no more shallow breathing, and all of a sudden you go, oh, I actually have the time and space to react to this anxiety because I realize I've got rid of the physical stress and nervousness I was feeling. Now maybe I can go and talk to my manager to figure this out. Now maybe I can talk to my mom about it. Now maybe I can talk to my friend about it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I've actually created a space between the anxiety I feel and then actually having a reaction to it. So that's what breathwork does.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And I was kind of skeptical or in the beginning, maybe not skeptical, but I was a bit like, I don't know what I'm going to get from this. I don't know if it's going to resonate. I've grown up around monks. I'd seen monks before, but I'd never really met a monk or heard a monk speak in that way. And I was so blown away.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah, breathwork is amazing. So if you want to relax, and by the way, I get stressed and nervous too. I practice this throughout the day. I will breathe out for longer than I breathe in. Should we do it together?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Okay, so I want you to inhale, and I want you to inhale at your own pace slowly. Okay. But I want you to exhale for longer than you inhale.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So as you inhale, as you inhale, feel your stomach come out. And as you exhale, feel it go in. As you inhale, feel your stomach go out. And as you exhale, feel your stomach go in. Open your eyes. I definitely feel more relaxed. And all we're trying to do, and that was just three breaths, all we're trying to do is create a space between that reaction that we have. Oh my God, I'm so stressed.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Oh my God, I'm so nervous. Oh my God, I have so much to do. To then going, wait, I've dealt with it in my body. All of a sudden, everything's more calm. Now I can actually get with it. So that's breath work. The second one that I love is I do this a lot. And can I share a really simple technique with you? Yeah, yeah. So when I came in here, I did this.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And now I do it so subconsciously that no one around me may even notice. But I do it to feel grounded in a space. It's called the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. So whenever you want to take a mental picture or whenever you want to feel grounded, follow this. When you walk into a space, look around at five things you can see.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
It could be a shade, a color, a shape, whatever it may be, and allow yourself to just become aware of five things you can see. Then four things you can touch. So I touch this amazing octopus, touch the chair, touch the table, touch a hand, and you're just becoming present through touch. Then three things I can hear.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Does that count? Yeah, absolutely. And then two things I can smell. I smell some wood. I smell wood too. I smell wood. There's a lot of good wood. Some Old Spice. Some Old Spice. Yeah. Yeah. Not Old Spice, but yeah. Yeah. My fragrance or whatever it may be. You smelled really good when you came in. Thank you. Thank you so much. And then one thing you can taste.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And it was just like meeting someone that you were so attracted to, but it wasn't physical. And I was like, wait a minute, how am I so attracted to you? Like I'm a, you know, 18, 19 year old kid. Oh, you were that young.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And so as soon as you've done that, you've basically taken a mental picture. I've done this in some of the most beautiful places I've traveled to in the world. I can close my eyes and transport myself right there. If I'm nervous about something, when I was coming on your show and I was really excited about it, I... watched your show.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I was watching your show already, but when I was coming on, I watched your show to get a feel of the set and the colors I'd be around. And all of a sudden I feel more comfortable here because I feel like I've been watching you anyway. So I feel like I'm sitting somewhere I'm comfortable. It's not new. It's not alien.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
If I hadn't done that, if I wasn't a fan, maybe I would have walked in and been like, Oh God, like, how do I sit? And where, you know, it's, you let go of that. So it's almost like a dress rehearsal in your mind. Oh, or a mental picture. Okay.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So five, four, three, two, one. Right. And then finally there's what's known as sound meditation or mantra meditation. And that's the repetition of an affirmation or an ancient word. And the, Genuine goal of that is to connect with the source, to connect with higher energy, to connect with the universe.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And I also practice that because I find it aligns me and puts me in sync with all of the beautiful things about the universe that I love. And so those are the three types of meditation and what they're for.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah. No one's ever asked me that before. If, uh, if you, if you rethink like a monk, you hear about all the bad meditation days. Oh, really? So I talk about all the days when I'm like, I just wanted to scratch my foot.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
When we were first being trained, it was very disciplined because you had to learn how to bring your attention. You can. Everyone should scratch their foot. But when we were getting the hardcore training, there were certain things like you sit on the floor for two hours straight, cross-legged, like you don't get up. Again, I don't do that anymore.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
You should sit in a comfortable chair, everything else. Uh, my favorite meditation experience. I started meditating around 20 years ago and I had my best meditation experience this January. Really? Yeah. Where were you? I was back at the monastery that I lived at in India in the village part of it. It's two hours outside of Mumbai.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah, absolutely. And you're like this at the time he was maybe in his thirties and externally there was nothing attractive about him. He was wearing robes, he shaved his head. But I was just like, wow, everything he was coming out of his mouth. I was just thinking, this is profound. And there were two things that stood out to me. One was, he was saying there's two goals in life.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And I was with my teacher and my wife and I go every year now together. And the best thing about it was we would meditate in the same place every single day. And what made it so beautiful is that people have been meditating there for decades. Right. So the energy of that space, it's almost like when you go on stage somewhere and you know, your favorite artist has performed there or something.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
It just has like a spirit or an energy that you wouldn't get anywhere else. And yeah, I just felt so connected to God and the universe in that moment in a way that I never have before. I felt I was exactly where I was meant to be. I felt that everything I'd experienced was exactly the way it was meant to be. I was able to accept that with grace.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And I felt really empowered and energized for what I wanted to accomplish this year. So it was really beautiful.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
We meditate, I meditate for about 90 to, um, yeah, I meditate for about 90 minutes every day. And so that was about probably two hours of a bit more than that, that time.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So I, I start with breath work every morning and I'll do that for like two to three minutes. I then do visualization for around two to three minutes and then I'll do mantra meditation for the rest of the time. That's my, that's my longest form of meditation. But I practice breath work and five, four, three, two, one throughout the whole day.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Like I would do it if I'm like rushing to a meeting and I'm feeling really behind and I'm feeling really tired and I'm feeling like I'm taking all this baggage with me into the next meeting. It's like, all right, five, four, three, two, one. Like, let's really be in this present moment. Let's really be in these colors, shapes, shades. Let me look at the person that I'm with in the eyes.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Like, let me really be here. I don't want to be in my last meeting or in my next meeting.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah. And five, four, three, two, one is the best way to be present. There is no better meditation technique to be present than five, four, three, two, one. Because as soon as you're present physically, you're not doing in your head. You're looking around, you're touching this. You feel the temperature. You feel like this chair is cooler than the wood, which feels hotter.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And then your hand, which we touched earlier, like, you know, it's like you're actually like getting tactile. And that's why I love it as a meditation practice, because you're not doing in your head.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
One is to master the mind and master your emotions. And the second is to serve others and help other people. And I thought, I've never heard that before. I'd met people who were beautiful, famous, rich, strong. I'd heard famous people talk before. But this was the first time that I felt he was happy and content. And I thought to myself, I want to know what he's drinking.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah. Well, this technique will help. Definitely try it out. We were in... I went to Bhutan last year, which is a tiny little country landlocked between India and... And we practiced this there and I literally can close my eyes and remember that moment. And that's how powerful it is. But to your point about phone addiction, sometimes I feel like my brain is scrolling. Yes.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And my brain even scrolls while people talk where I'm like, all right, get to the point, like be entertaining. Like I, I, my wife will call me out on it. And I have to be honest with you. Like I will literally, so my wife has called me out on this a few times where I'll be like, all right, get to the good part. All right. Tell me what's going on. All right. Let's, let's get to the point.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I think I do that. And we all do that when we're scrolling. Cause you're trying to find that next thing, right? You're like, entertain me, entertain me. Okay. Let's do all good. Okay. This got my attention. All right. Boring, boring, boring. Okay. Entertaining, entertaining, boring, boring, right? Like that's what we're doing. And I do that with people.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Like I've done that with my wife, like boring, boring, boring, or I'll get to the entertaining part. And so I think this is real. And I think we all genuinely struggle with it. And here's what I've learned. The one thing that can change it is don't look at your phone first thing in the morning and don't look at your phone last thing at night.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Now, 80% of us look at our phones before we look at our partners.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yes. And 80% of people look at their phones last thing at night after their partners. So this is a real issue. But why am I saying it? It's because the mind is so powerful. in the hours of sleep and that wake state. Have you ever had it when you wake up and you can kind of remember your dream, but then if you snap awake, you forget it completely. Yeah.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Unless it's like so bad that I'm like, exactly. You know, but there's like that tiny bit of like almost waking up where you can still remember your dream. It's still there. And then if you wake up or your alarm goes off or you look at your phone, you, someone was like, what did you dream about? You'd be like, I have no idea unless it was really, really terrible. Right.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And so that time of just before going to sleep and just waking up, you're actually programming your mind. You're programming your brain. Sleep is meant to be a dishwasher. That's what sleep actually is. I'm obsessed with that analogy. Sleep is meant to be, as the studies show, a dishwasher. You put all the dishes in at night, you wake up in the morning and they're all clean.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
It's filtered your thoughts. It's edited the negative ones. It's made space for the bigger things in life that we need to think about. All of them are squeaky clean. They're polished. It's figured it out. But you don't get the dishwasher to work when you forgot to switch it on because you're too busy scrolling your phone. And now you never turn the dishwasher on.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
You wake up in the morning, you open it up and go, oh my gosh, I forgot to turn the dishwasher on. And now I'm going about my day with dirty dishes. Exactly. Dirty thoughts.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Not in that way, but you get the point. Yeah. So- So the reason why I say that is you would never let a hundred people into your bedroom first thing in the morning.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I want to know what he's doing. And that's what changed the trajectory of my life.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Before you've washed your face, brushed your teeth, maybe had a shower. You never let a hundred people walk into your bedroom, but we all let a hundred people walk into the bedroom of our mind every morning. Oh, When you open up your phone and you see a message, it's like someone coming up to you and saying, Jake, you still haven't sent me that document.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
It's like someone else coming in and saying, hey, Jake, do you want to go out tonight? Hey, Jake, you up, right? Whatever it is, right? It's like all of these people are literally standing around your bed, yelling at you, asking for stuff, demanding things, telling you bad news. Now you've got to find a way of unprogramming that throughout the day.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Tell me who... I love that and I get that. It's real. Tell me who you genuinely... We all love getting messages from everyone. But if you could pick three people that you love their morning messages, who would it be? Their morning messages? Yes. Yeah, like someone that you like to be missed by in the morning when you wake up. But you can only pick three people.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So he was basically talking about the idea of Think about this for a second, and I'm sure you can relate. Humans have 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day. That checks out for me. Yeah? More or less? Probably more. Probably more, right?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Like I love text from my friends. Right. So let's say a couple of your friends. If people... So, for example, my wife will sometimes wake up and be really nervous that she'll get bad news from London. Okay. Because our family's in London. Right. Parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, everyone. So it's real. And...
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
What I've recommended to her and recommend to everyone else is have a phone that only three people can access because those are the people that you really need to hear from in the morning. I know my wife needs to wake up. I know that her grandma's good and her mom's good.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And that her sister's good. I know she needs to know that. And then she can go about her day. And I get that. And I really understand that. but you don't need everyone to have access to you in the morning. And that's what we're trying to get to is if you had a phone that had no apps, nothing else on it, it had your alarm if you really want that, and it had the three people, that's it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And then keep the other phone in another room because there's no need for it. And if you want to make it really good, get a flip phone. Get one of those really basic old school Motorola, Nokia, whatever. No, no, no. You won't be seen with it, Jake. No one will ever see you with it. But make it so hard. to be distracted but get the information you need.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
If you need those three messages in the morning that say, Jake, you're hot, I love you, you're amazing.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah, and so funny. Sorry, right. Have that. I'm not mad at that. Right. But keep it limited because the problem is your habit in the morning and the night is what's filled up for the rest of the day. So if you get that dopamine hit in the morning,
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And when you don't get in the morning, your brain gets time to wake up and go, I really love those three messages from my friends.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I really appreciate that. I'm really grateful for that. I love that. And now I can go about my day. Now I'm not trying to get people to entertain me or solve my problems or tell me some terrible news that happened in the world. I can learn about that 10 minutes after I wake up. Right. 30 minutes after I wake up. Let me let myself warm up. Would you wake up and go on stage in 30 seconds?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And 80% of those are negative thoughts. I would, yes. And 80% of those are repetitive.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And you never wake up and say to your manager, I'm going to wake up. We're going to have a bed backstage. I'm going to wake up backstage and I'm going to walk right on stage and do a show for thousands of people. No, I would never.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I am not mad at that. If it helps you sleep, I would encourage you to think if you have anxiety and you're watching shows about people dying and bad stuff happening, that's definitely having an impact. So I would definitely encourage people to think about, you know, what they're watching before they go to bed.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
But I have a friend who likes to go to sleep to white noise and needs to have like friends on in the background or whatever it is. And it's like, sure, great. I have no issues with that, but don't go to sleep watching someone get murdered and then expect to have like beautiful dreams and
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yes. So we're having the same negative thought again and again and again. It's not even like a new thought.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
wake up excited it's not gonna work okay so would you think though that maybe like reading would be healthier for me i mean reading would be healthier for everyone do you read but yes i love reading readings yeah i love reading and i'm i fell in see the thing with all of this stuff is it's finding something that you love so i grew up thinking i hated reading because i hated fiction books
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
oh you hated fiction yeah and then I never knew there was such a thing as non-fiction right but when I was like 14 I started reading biographies and autobiographies and I fell in love with them I read David Beckham Dwayne The Rock Johnson when he was a wrestler and then also read Malcolm X and Martin Luther King and it was just I was in I was like this I'm hooked because this is real life real people real problems it's like a podcast but in a book
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Because you're learning about this person and their whole life. So yeah, I love reading. I don't think it's about reading. I'm not saying that. I think it's just about the fact that you don't want your first and last programming of your brain to be your phone. Because the pace of your phone is not aligned with the pace of your brain.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
It's the same thought. Like it could be as deep as I'm not good enough.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And the problem that we all have is the pace of our brain follows the pace of our phone. So if you're scrolling at 100 miles per hour, your brain is now learning to move at 100 miles per hour. And then you don't have the meditation tools to slow it back down. So even for me as someone who meditates daily, If I let that happen in the morning and the evening, my brain is also moving that fast.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And now I'm having to work double hard in my meditation just to get it to slow down. I see. Okay. So it's more about that. You can watch whatever you want.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Or it could be as silly as like, oh my gosh, I'm just really stressed about this one thing I did at work in this meeting and I keep overthinking and I wish I didn't do that right. And oh, did this just happen? Like literally 20 minutes ago. What was it? Tell me. I can't. Oh my gosh. So, so that's, that's kind of how I pray. Am I, am I reading your mind at the moment? Yeah.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
affects my sleep and uh vibe yeah and i have no affiliation with this company i say it because it's it's funny because i love them so much and i plug it all the time uh there's this thing called a hatch oh there we go yeah so let the hatch wake you up and leave the phone in another room oh yeah no no no phone okay this so if if we if i was i i have the fortune of coaching lots of people and if i was coaching you i would literally do this dress rehearsal with you
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So we'd both be in your bedroom. We'd make sure that your hatch was right there. We'd mirror what it's going to look like when it wakes you up. We're going to figure out exactly the steps you're going to take to avoid looking at your phone. And then finally look at your phone 10 minutes later.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
That's the problem. We trust our phones more than our friends. We do. It's the way we've got to.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So this idea of self-love is a great idea, but you can only truly love yourself if you visited everything inside of yourself that you might hate or dislike. That's what it takes to have self-love.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
You visit those places by realizing that they were an experience. They weren't you. They were a moment. They weren't you. They were a conversation. They weren't you. These were all things that happened to you or actions that you took, but they don't define you as a human. So you visit them with grace. You visit them with compassion. You visit them with love and you heal from that experience.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So this is, that's like the reality of our lives. And we've never, ever been taught how to manage our thoughts.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
You go there. It's almost like going to the playground you were bullied in. Right. Right.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
and i've never done this so i'm thinking about it now but going to the playground you were bullied and if that was something big and i was bullied growing up i was bullied for being overweight i was bullied for the color of my skin i was bullied for my name and going back to that place and taking it in and going well this was a place i was bullied but hey what did i learn from it what did i take away from it for me that made me more compassionate that made me more loving
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And it made me want to take care of myself. It made me want to be nice to other people and kind to other people. Wait a minute, this was a great experience. So now I've gone to a part of myself that I'm scared to visit, but I've actually left there feeling lighter.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And so I think if we, whether it's through therapy, whether it's through podcasts like these, whether it's through physically visiting, the idea of going back to places inside of yourself that you've been trained to dislike or hate, like maybe you were someone who was always told you were overweight or too short or too tall or whatever.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
You're taught, you're not taught how to manage your time either, but you learn all these subjects in school, but no one ever taught us how to manage our thoughts. So these thoughts spiral, not just for days, for weeks, for months and years. And when I learned to spend time with him, I learned how to train my thoughts for peace, for purpose, for calm, for stress relief, for shifting gears.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Whatever it was for you, sit with that for a second and go, well, wait, who was the person saying that? Why do I believe them? Why are they even significant to me? And what do I want to believe about myself? What is true about myself? When I visit the darkest, hardest parts of myself, I can leave there with self-love. So to me, it's less about sitting there and saying, I love myself,
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
It's actually going to all the places that you might hate and finding love within them.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Thank you for sharing that, by the way. Oh my God, of course. It's very, no, it's, that's, I can tell how real it is.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And I appreciate how vulnerable you are and it's, when I'm listening to you, I'm thinking, so it doesn't sound like there was a previous event that went in a way that you didn't want it to go or there wasn't a interaction that kind of made you fearful of that. That doesn't exist in your memory or at least something you can call upon.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
No, no, no, no, this is good. I'm trying to, this is good. This is what it, what we need to do to, to figure it out. And so where does the intimacy part connect with that? Because there's one thing in feeling I'm not attractive. Yeah. And is that the connection to the intimacy? Like if someone can reject me for not being attractive in five seconds, how could I be intimate with them?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah. And I think you've just... I really appreciate where we got to with that because you've just answered the question. Anything you do for the first time, you're going to be bad at it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Like that's just the truth of it. Anyone who says they were good at something the first time is probably lying, especially being intimate. And so to me, when you're saying that, there's a... it's harder because you're saying I'm older now and people are expecting that people have had practice.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And it almost felt like I was having a new brain almost because I had the ability to kind of press pause on a thought, to press rewind, to press fast forward, like to actually be able to have some navigation with my thoughts, which I never thought was possible. So that's what it means to master the mind and emotions. How did you do that? Okay. Yeah.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah. And, and the truth is that I think most people, if we're honest and I, and I, and I think we have to be, we have to get that out there. If we're honest, Most people feel that way. You're just honest enough to say it. There's a lot of people who feel so scared of being emotionally intimate, physically intimate. They just don't say it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
They're not as courageous as you to even, let alone say it to themselves, to say it out loud like you just have. And I actually think that there's a truth in that, that the right person will actually know how to connect with. And yes, there are some people who are going to hear that or know that and think, oh, loser, whatever it is, they are. But those aren't the people for you.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Those aren't the right people. Someone who recognizes that. And by the way, I'm thinking about a friend as I'm talking to you. One of my friends who I think he came out when he was. I think he came out when he was probably around 28, 29, maybe even 30. Like it was... He came out late. He grew up in a tradition that would never have allowed it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Grew up in a family that would have totally, you know, shunned it. And it took him a long time to come to terms with coming out. And it was hard for him. And he felt the same way that... Almost like he was having his first love at 30 years old.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Because he'd never been able to fall in love. Right. And as a gay man, he'd never had that experience before. And for him...
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
as I've watched him go through his journey and now he's happily married and found his partner and has a beautiful relationship, what I saw was him recognizing that there was going to be someone who actually held that part of him gently and comforted it and maybe even felt the same way.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And it became something they explored together or something that they allowed themselves to experiment with together. And I think it's keeping faith that when you're as honest and sincere and authentic as you are, that you're going to allow that authenticity to be reciprocated through someone. You almost don't want someone who treats that badly.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I always say to people, you don't want someone who uses your wounds as a weapon. That's not the right person. You don't want someone who uses your need for being held gently as something they throw in your face or treat you harshly. You don't want that. So in effect, it almost becomes the best weapon
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
radar of knowing who's right for you and so i would rather use it as a strength to say this trait of mine that i'm really nervous about is actually going to help me find the right person because the right person will know how to hold this part of me gently and that way i can cut out all the bs and all the trash that keeps coming my way because they won't know how to hold this part of me right it's not something you have to get over it's something that someone can say i see you jake yeah and i'm okay with it you're not too much
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Like this is okay. It's normal. It's not, it's not some unheard of weird trait. So it's not something you have to get over. It's finding someone who's okay with you not having to get over it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And that's what I'm saying. You just need someone who gets that.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
That's what it is. The right person will get that. I mean, you know, I just interviewed Benny and Selena.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So first step is figure out the patterns or the thought that keeps coming up. So for example, a thought that kept coming up for me for a long time was I'm so tired. I'm so overworked. I'm exhausted. And that kind of, you see that kind of cascade into burnout, right? So it starts with, I'm so tired. Next week, I'm exhausted. Third week, I'm burnt out. Fourth week, I don't want to get out of bed.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
knows how to hold selena right and selena knows how to hold benny right that's what makes them a wonderful couple that's why they're having a great relationship not because they're both perfect and figured everything out and got over all their pressures and stresses and healed all of their wounds that's not why they're a good couple they're a good couple because he knows how to say i got you
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I know what you're about to do. I know you're going to go crazy after, you know, whatever it may be in your example. I got you. You're okay. You're safe. And she knows how to do that for him. So the right person's able to go, I know you're going to go crazy after we're into that. I know I'm going to get like three messages or maybe none at all. Like, I know what you're going to do, Jake.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And it's okay. It's not too much. I'm here. And so it's not that you've got to change and figure it out and fix it all. It's continuing to find the person who doesn't think you're too much or not enough.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
By using this radar. That's the most, if you're saying that this is like your core thing, right? Like every one of us has like a core challenge, especially when it comes to love and relationships. We have this core block and this is one of yours, right? It's not about you healing and perfecting and getting over it. I'm sure you've tried all those things.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
The best test is showing your heart. and having someone act at their level of vibration, right? Like when I messaged you a couple of months back and I DM'd you, I was just being honest and thankfully you reciprocated. And then I was like, oh cool, I think me and Jake could be friends. Like there was like an alignment. Whereas I could have DM'd you and you couldn't have responded.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I could have DM'd you and you couldn't have seen it. I could have DM'd you and you could have responded and it could have been negative, right? It could have been all those things. But even if it was, it would have just shown me that we weren't an energy match.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So I'd rather share my energy with the world, which is vulnerable, honest, kind, loving, and be okay with the fact that someone doesn't see it because then I see where they're at. This actually happened to me in work recently. So I've never been love-bombed in love because I didn't think love-bombing existed when I was dating. But I've been with my wife for 12 years and married for nine years.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And a couple of months ago, I got love bombed in work. So I met someone in a work environment. And they're not a team member or an employee. They're another person doing amazing work. And after meeting me, they sent me this really long message. saying, Jay, I love you. I love meeting you. We're so aligned. We're cut from the same cloth. We're like meant to do stuff together.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I'd love for you to be involved in this project. I think it would be perfect. It would be amazing. Like, like totally, like fully in love with me. And I responded with the same energy. I was like, I'm so grateful. Like, thank you so much. Like, this means the world to me. I felt the same way. I would love to know about this project. They've replied back going, yes, we're going to figure it out.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
It's really long, like a really long text exchange. And that's the kind of person I am where I'm like, even when I walked in today and I was telling you, I was like, you know, I usually turn up to interviews alone. This is the first interview that my entire team wanted to come to because they wanted to see you. And I didn't say that to flatter you. And I didn't say that.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I said it because it was true. And they can vouch for that. I said it because it was true because... I, that's how I like to live. Now you were really sweet back. If you were like, um, oh cool. And walked off, I would just know, I'm like, okay, cool. This isn't someone that likes that type of energy and that's okay.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And we all feel that spiral. First, we have to figure out what's that thought that repeats itself and rents space in your mind more than any other thought. So I'm going to choose that thought as an example. Now that I know that thought, that thought is actually a signal. It's a sign of the most obvious thing in the world. I need more rest. But what do we do?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah. So anyway, I, three days later, I check in with this person. I go, Hey, you told me this really cool project. I can be a part of like, let me know. I'm ready. Like, let me know. And I'm being super enthusiastic now. They messaged back a couple of hours later and were like, yeah, we're not so sure right now.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
We're just figuring it out, but I really still want you involved and I'll let you know. I was like, cool, no worries. Let me know when. Seven days later, I check in again. I'm like, hey, just wanted to make sure I don't miss the email because it's really important to me. I want you to know it's a priority for us. I took what you said seriously.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
They messaged back three days later going, yeah, not sure. Still got to talk to these people, whatever. They don't tell me it's a no. I find out from other sources that they think I'm coming on too strong.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Like I literally screenshot the messages and sent it to the other person. I was like, I'm not crazy. And I was like, I wear my heart on my sleeve always. It's who I am.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And I love wearing my heart on my sleeve because if we were in business together, I'd be that enthusiastic. So if they don't want to deal with my enthusiasm right now, they wouldn't have been happy in business anyway. And so to me, it becomes the best way of figuring out really quickly, are me and this person going to connect or are we not?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And I'm okay with the fact that it didn't work out because I'd rather only work with people who energetically match me. So to me, it's your greatest superpower. Your greatest strength is your vulnerability. Your greatest superpower is your ability to have this struggle that you have. And the goal is to allow yourself to be yourself in a moment and people are going to reject it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
People may think that it was corny what you said, but guess what? They just weren't your match and not everyone is going to be and that's okay.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I hope so because I want you to realize that what you think is your weakness in dating is your greatest superpower. That's all I want to convince you of. I don't want to convince you it's something you have to heal or fix or work on. It is your greatest superpower because the right person will come and hold it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Why would you want to be with someone where you have to hide that fear? Which isn't a weakness, which isn't a bad quality. It's just something you're developing and working on. Why would you want to have to hide that from them?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, all of us want to be liked. So that's not, that's not just you. And, you know, I think about it as like when I, I gave a speech when I was seven or eight years old at school and my whole class laughed at me and my teacher put her arm around me and walked me off stage, which was even more embarrassing. A hundred percent. Right.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And now my friends are laughing even more. Right. And I say that because I really did care what they thought and I was worried by it and I was really upset and scarred by that. But now I go on stages and thankfully there's thousands of people that appreciate what I have to say. By the way, there are thousands of people who don't care about what I have to say too.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
We say that thought in the morning when we wake up. You look at the alarm clock and you go... I'm so tired.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And I've just started to realize that that's just the game of odds in the world. Like there is no one who is liked by everyone. No one. Even the person you think is adored by everyone. I remember I was working with a client once and they said to me, they go, gee, I want to be there. This person I was talking to is already in the top one, top 0, 0, 0.1% of success, right?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And they were telling me they want the other person's fame. Someone else is zero, zero, zero point one percent. And I was like, why? And they were like, because everyone likes them. And I was like, are you kidding me? I was like, I showed them like Reddit threads and chats. I was like, there is no way this person is fully loved. But in your head, you made it feel that way.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So all of us who believe that there is the one popular kid in school, that there is the person online that everyone adores and loves. They don't exist. And it doesn't exist for me or you either. And that's okay, right? Because especially in love, you're trying to find someone who's happy to hold all of your quirks and all of your little, you know, whatever it may be.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Now at 9 a.m. you're having your morning coffee and you're going, I'm so tired. Now at midday you're like, I'm going to have to skip lunch. I'm so busy. I'm so tired. Right. You get to 6 p.m. and you're thinking, I'm so tired. And somehow at 10.37 p.m. you click next episode on Netflix.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Like I think about my wife and how much she like tolerates of me or accepts of me or appreciates and allows me to be. And I'm like, real love is being allowed to be all of yourself. But real love is when someone lets you be all of yourself. Like when someone says to me like, Jay, I really love that I can have a good time with you. I love that you love football. I love that you love wisdom.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And I love that you're really strategic and a business person. When I'm seen for all of myself, that's when I'm most loved. But if someone just says to me, Jay, I love you because you have lots of wisdom to share. That's just like 10% of who I am. I'm so many more things. So I think it's giving yourself permission to be all of it. And then people will give you permission to be all of yourself.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And watch another show and then you're up to 1 a.m. and it keeps going. So what do I do with that thought? Second step, now that I'm aware of the pattern, I get to add an and. I'm so tired and an action. So I'm affirming, I'm still valuing, I'm acknowledging that I'm tired. I can't lie to myself and say, I'm feeling great. I've got energy. You can't lie to yourself.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
The first is, well, you have a few options, but one of them is you could say, hey, you know, yeah, are we going to go on a second date or whatever it may be, right? Which I don't think you should say. Okay. I don't think you should say, do you hate me? Because that may be too intense. What's the in-between version for you?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Damn it. I think it's the clarity. It's having that clarity. Like, if you want someone who messages you back after a date, You should have that person. And that's not going to be him. And that's not going to be him. So he's not the right person. Now, if he's been busy, he's got crazy stuff going on in his life, we don't need to make up those excuses for us.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I mean, sorry, we don't need to make up those excuses for him in our head. We just need to let it be. It is what it is. Now our head goes, maybe this, maybe that, maybe, you know, let him say that. If he comes back in a week and says, hey, Jake, you know what? My dog was really unwell and I had to take the dog to the vet. And then I had the crazy work that I'd love to see you again.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
That's awesome. Yes, I have a dog. Right. Okay. A cat? No cat either? Okay.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
You could message him that. They'd be like, hey, do you have a dog? Jay said you might have a dog. He'd be like, who's Jay?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Do you know what it is? We make the simple things harder because we make it about maybe there's a perfect algorithm to how to text this person at a particular cadence two days from now, and then they might like me again. And so we're like mathematically trying to make someone fall in love with us. Yeah. When the reality is, this is just it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And so rather than playing the game and figuring it out and putting the blocks and the boxes exactly where they need to line up, you just let it be. So if you feel like texting him and saying, hey, I had a great time. Are we going to go on another date? And you want the clarity, there is nothing wrong with that.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
because that's who you are that's how you show up and you choose to show up in that way it's not desperate it's not loser it's it's clarity right if you were trying to get a job and you messaged someone and you really like the job in the next two days you mess and saying hey did i get the job just wanted to check in wanted to share a bunch of stuff it wouldn't be seen as weird right it'd be seen as the right thing to do and even whether you got the job or not you know in your mind and heart you put yourself out there you got it and it wasn't the end of the world
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And if you're willing to just accept it where it's at and you already feel like you have enough information from his friends that it's kind of a whatever, then move on. But he may be waiting for your message.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Maybe so. I don't know why I'm so obsessed. Of course you're obsessed. We're all obsessed with people who don't message us back. Yeah. That's the person we're obsessed with. We say we want presence, but we love the person who's absent. We say we want affection, but we're chasing the person who doesn't give us attention. Why?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Your thoughts are smarter than that. I'm accepting my thought, but I'm adding an action. And I'm going to go to bed early and I'm going to cancel the next three evenings of plans and I'm going to have to let someone down this weekend. I'm going to make an action and I'm actually going to follow through with it because now I've saved myself from repeating that thought. Right.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
We say we want someone who'll validate us, but we chase the person who always makes fun of us. Right. Because earning love is what we think we have to do. I'm sick. We think that love needs to be earned, that it needs to be achieved. We don't believe it's something we deserve as we are. We've been trained to believe that we have to earn, chase, pursue, and achieve love.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
But you deserve love just as you are without having to achieve or receive or chase it. How do I learn that? You learn that by sitting in these moments where you're obsessing over someone who isn't messaging you. And recognizing that I deserve someone who does message me back. There's nothing wrong with that. By the way, that's not too much to ask.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
If I go out for dinner with a friend, I'd love a message too. That's not even romantic. Let's level the playing field here, right? Because I don't... I mean, my wife doesn't message me back until I call her seven times, call her assistant and message her 29. So, you know, I'm still dealing with that after all these years. How did you meet your wife? That's a long story.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
But the quick one is I met her before I became a monk at the temple in London. Oh, wow. That's the quick version. But in my first episode of my podcast, we tell the full story.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Wow. But going back to your point, if I went out for dinner with my friend and I didn't get a message the next morning about how much they enjoyed dinner, I want that too. I want friends who are like that. That's something I really enjoy about friendship where there's mutual validation, there's this reciprocation, there's words of affirmation. That's really important to me. My team knows that.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
We do it with each other all the time. I love to tell people when they're doing a good job. I also love to be told when I did a good job. I enjoyed that. I appreciate that. That's not too much to ask for. So you learn it by recognizing that's not too much to ask for. We went out on a date. If it was good and they enjoyed it, I want to hear from them. It's not too much to ask for.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And so if I'm not getting it, it's okay. I'm going to find someone who does give it to me.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I assumed it was what it is, but I thought there might be drugs or alcohol.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I can keep saying that thought all I want and I'll never give myself rest. Right. Does that make sense?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Different bad things or a bad thing about that bad thing.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Shut up, Louise. How long have I been with my wife?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Not a bad listener. Not a bad listener. Showing off. No, I think you'd be a bad listener. I don't think you're a bad listener. If you're a bad listener, your jump around wouldn't make sense. Whereas the jump around makes a lot of sense. So jumping around is not an issue in a conversation. It actually makes the conversation more interesting.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
When you can get lost on a tangent and find your way back. That's a good conversation. Right. Boring conversations are... Let's follow this rhythm, right? No, I don't think you're a bad listener. In this forum. Thank you. I can't vouch for in every area of life. I've never dated you.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Here's the thing. People will always be... boring if we're not interested. And humans are finding it harder and harder to be interested in humans because our phones are more entertaining than humans. So your phone can entertain you or TikTok feed can entertain you so much more than anyone. You could be sitting with the funniest person on planet Earth and TikTok's funnier.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So that's scary to think about it that way. If you think about it, you could be sitting with the smartest person on Earth and ChatGPT is smarter than it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah, because it's so entertaining. And so I think the problem is that we've lost our ability to be interested in humans and therefore they can't be interesting and end up being boring because we don't know how to do that anymore.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And because our minds are programmed to make everything the most entertaining, the smartest thing you've ever heard, the most silly, hilarious, funny, like everything is so extreme that the person in front of you doesn't stand a chance.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And so we've actually... Yeah, right? So we don't want to put that pressure on people, because by the way, if they put that back on us, it wouldn't work either. One of my friends who's really into AI was telling me this.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So he was saying, if you take someone who's below average intelligence, or in his words, someone who you'd consider a moron, that person, Einstein, was only two and a half times smarter than a moron. Two and a half times.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Chad GPT or AI is already 10 times smarter than Einstein.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
If not more and accelerating. So when you think about that, you're like, well, wait a minute. Then if I was having dinner with Einstein, would I find him boring? I'm sick. Right? Like that's right. Like, so, you know, when AI starts making AI girlfriends and boyfriends, is anyone going to be attractive enough?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Like imagine if you had an AI boyfriend or girlfriend, like, and we're not far away from this. Just think about it for a second. You have an AI boyfriend or girlfriend. that has a visual robotic version that is robotic underneath, but real skin on the outside, right? Or whatever, prosthetic skin on the outside that looks real.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Are we ever going to want anything else when that person said yes to everything you want? The truth is we will get bored of that too because it won't be right. They'll know your favorite food. There'll be no discovery. They'll say the perfect thing every time. We'll get exhausted of that. But the problem is right now we haven't got exhausted of that. We think that's perfection.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
People are going to fall in love with AI when it gets to that point.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah, a lot of people will fall for it. Yeah. A lot of people will fall for it. So what I'm saying is when you compare what's happening technologically to any human on the planet, if you let the algorithm design your brain you will always be hooked to it. And a human will never be an algorithm because a human doesn't have to give you a dopamine hit every three scrolls.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
A conversation can be like winding, meandering, especially on a date, right? We're on a podcast. We both podcast a lot. It's fun. We're going back and forth. But like when you're kind of dating someone at the beginning, it's never going to be, it's hard to get a good like ping pong game going. Like it's going to take a second to get there. We've got to allow for that.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So we've got to treat humans differently to technology.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah. Well, what I'm saying is that, look, that's true for all of us. What I'm saying is that the pace of our phones is transforming our entire brain. It's changing the pace at which we speak, read, hear, listen, interpret, yes, no, entertain, bored, like everything. So now you apply the algorithm to people as they're sitting in front of you and they'll never compete.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
It's possible that everyone can get canceled. Right. So that's real. I don't want to lie to anyone about it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So, and actually what's most beautiful about humans is humans are profoundly more fascinating than technology. If you get to hear their story, if you get to dive into their past, if you actually get to know them, it's so much more entertaining. But we don't know how to get beyond the lack of instant dopamine to get to oxytocin, which is the connection hormone.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And so that takes longer to build, but we're so addicted to dopamine and humans can't give us that. Humans can give us oxytocin that you get from like a long hug or a beautiful moment where someone says something that really resonates with your heart that would make up for all that boredom, right? Does that make sense?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Like sometimes you can actually scroll for an hour and you're entertained, but then when you get off, you're exhausted, right? Whereas you could spend an hour with a human and you may not be entertained, But you'll have a moment with them that you will cherish forever.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah. And what's an action that you're going to do? I literally don't know. Okay. So can I help you out?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
That's what you're looking for. But it's a retraining and rewiring of our brain.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
It requires so much work and it's so hard. And we're all affected by it, me included. Right. I struggle with this too. Going back to a conversation we had. I remember.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
You're not the problem. People outgrow friends in transitions. People move on. People want to meet new people. That doesn't mean you have a problem. It doesn't mean you're weak. It just means it's your chance to go and meet new people too.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And so rather than making it a reflection of your self-worth or self-esteem, go and make it as an opportunity to go and find new people to connect with and stay connected to this person. They haven't done anything wrong. They haven't told you they don't care about you. They haven't told you you're not a priority. So make time when it's available. Still create plans with them.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Okay, great. So here's the first thing I want to say to you, Jake. You are far too talented for your career to ever be over. You're far too talented for someone to steal all of this amazing work that you've done away from you. And you're far too gifted and have too much to give people in the world for anyone to think that they could take that away.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
But see it as an opportunity to get to know new people. It seems like they just started college or they're new to that experience. That's a perfect time to do that. And by the way, this is going to happen multiple times in life. You're going to graduate from college and your friends are going to make friends with new people.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
You're going to start a new job and your colleagues are going to make friends with new people. This is a really good thing to get used to and start realizing it's not personal.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah, I think most people look back and go, I wish I experimented more. I wish I met different people. I wish I went to different classes. You look at it totally different when you've left. And when you're there, you're kind of like, these are my friends. This is who I hang out with. And so I think most of us, if we look back on it, would want to break that pattern.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And so the fact that this smart person is asking this question now, break that pattern now. Right.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I think that's what, I mean, you could if that's who you are and that's what you really want to do. I think it's a great conversation to have. I love a hard conversation and I used to hate tough conversations. Yeah, I hate them. But I've started to realize it's a superpower to get really good at them. And yeah, if you're confident enough to say, hey, are we drifting? What's going on?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And I wouldn't even start putting words because I think what happens is when you say, are we drifting? You're basically already pushing that person away.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
and i think it would be great to just say to them like hey how's it going like you know what are you up to this weekend how are you spending your time like what are you excited about right now like what what what kind of you know what have you been up to what's something new you've discovered get to know what they're into get to know where they're going and you may you may be like i don't want to know about any of that stuff right so college was where i got really into meditation mindfulness wisdom i had so many friends that either were friends were like jay we love talking about football with you when i say football i mean soccer
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
They're like, Jay, we love talking about soccer, love hanging out with you, but we do not want to go to a meditation class with you. And I was like, that's my relationship with them. And then I started drawing boundaries. I was like, hey guys, I've clubbed a lot. In England, you start drinking early and clubbing early. I was drinking from when I was like 13 years old.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And so for me, I started to be like, I don't really want to go to clubs. I don't want to drink alcohol anymore. I was making those boundaries. And then I had friends that I was like, well, Jay, we want to make sure we have dinner before we all go out. So we'll make... So I started to find that there were different ways of hanging out with people.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
It's not like I'm like, you're my friend and we've got to go out to the club together. We've got to get drunk together and we're going to go watch football together. It doesn't make sense. So I think college is a great time to start figuring out, these are my pre-party friends, these are my post-party friends. Do you know what I mean? I'm sorry, it's not like everyone has to do everything with you.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And I think that's where the struggle is here, where it's like, oh, my God, I need this friend to do everything with me. Well, no, they may be the friend I only go out to party with because that's what we still have in common. They're the friend I go to Coachella with every year. That's what we have in common.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I just want to set that straight before I even give you an end.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Mindfulness is the ability to focus and give attention to whatever you'd like to focus and give attention to. That is when you're being mindful. So if I say I want to be present with Jake and be really conscious in this conversation and I'm able to do that, that's mindfulness. Because I've chosen my target and I'm able to hit it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I do mean that. I do mean that. And I'll tell you why. When I first moved to LA, I met so many managers and I met so many agents and I met so many, the industry word is talent, but I met so many individuals who are talented and gifted. And the amount of managers and agents that used to say to people like you and people like me, you've got six months, make the most of it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
It's almost like saying I want to hit the bullseye and I can shoot an arrow that goes straight there or throw a dart that hits there. That's mindfulness.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I do it through 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Got it. We're going back to the start of the conversation.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I'm messing around, Jake. I'm messing around with you. I'm messing around with you. It's... That technique definitely helps. I think it's also about being really intentional and being mindful. So what does that mean? It means... before I walk in to a room, a meeting, a date, what energy am I walking in with? Am I really clear about it? Do I know why I'm there?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Do I know what I'm looking forward to? Most of us just end up somewhere. You end up on a date, you end up at dinner, you end up at a party. When you end up, you walk in with all your anxieties. But actually, when you could actually program and code your mind to say, I'm going there with this energy for this reason, now I'm being mindful.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I feel like this when, you know, there's so many events in LA, whether it's Grammys, Oscars, whatever it is. And I feel like everyone I talk to gets so anxious at these events. Like whatever awards show it is, everyone's so anxious. Everyone's like... oh my God, I'm really socially anxious. Oh my God, that person's there. Oh my God, I just saw this celebrity.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And everyone's feeling that way, no matter how famous and successful you are or if you're up and coming. And what's really interesting is because we don't get a chance to clarify why we're there. Like we don't know what reason we're there or we haven't been conscious of it. So as soon as you're conscious of that, you can be really mindful.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Like I always say to myself, I'm like, all I'm looking for is one person to have a really meaningful conversation with. That's why I'm there. Like that's my thing. And so I could be anywhere in the world. And as long as I have one meaningful conversation, it was a successful, it was a success for me.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah. And it's simple, right? It's really easy. It's just one person. It's not like, oh my God, I got to make every person I meet laugh out loud. Like that may not be possible.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah. Please don't make someone fall in love with you if you don't have the ability to love them back. Like don't make someone fall hard for you if you're not willing to catch them. Like don't make someone feel like you're going to be the person who's going to solve all their problems if you're not even going to be around to be patient while they try and solve them.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And so I think a lot of people end up in this position for two reasons. The first is we love to make people fall in love with us because it makes us feel good about ourselves. And a lot of people do that today and then disappear after two months. And the other reason we do it is because we fall in love too fast.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So my first piece of advice before we even get to the breakup piece is don't fall in love too fast. Stop trying to plan a future with someone when you don't even know what they did last night, right? Like stop trying to plan like years ahead with someone when you don't even know what they've been doing for the last three months.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And we get so ahead of ourselves that we never even stop to look behind and see if they're coming along with us. And so we need to disconnect from this idea of I want to find love in one or two months. Right? So that's important. Now, I don't know how long this person's been together. I don't know how long they've been with them. I know they've been broken up for two months.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Let's say it was a long-term relationship. And let's say they didn't fall in love too fast. And let's say the other person didn't make them fall in love with them. Breakups are hard. The studies show that breakups are like detoxing from drugs. Like detoxing from cocaine. Right? Because you're so addicted to that feeling of love that your body and mind are literally going through a detox.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
That's what it actually feels like. So those feelings are valid. Those feelings are real. And those feelings are not over estimated. They're real. They belong. So what do you do? You're grieving a potential person that you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with. You're grieving the person that you thought you were with that person. And you're grieving the plans you had for the future.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Your career is going to be over after it. The amount of young people I know that have been told that at age 18, age 16, age 21, that you have six months. You have 12 months, make the most of it, make all the money you can and then forget about it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
There's a lot of grieving going on in this process. What do you do? The first thing I'd say to that person is I would actually remind yourself of all the signs that you missed when you were together that this was the wrong person. There were lots of signs. You just ignored them because the sex was great. Or you ignored them because they said the right thing in the evening.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
You ignored them because you didn't want to be lonely. You ignored them because you loved the gift they gave you on your birthday. You ignored them because your friends thought they were really cool. There were loads of signs you ignored for other reasons that you now need to remind yourself of. Because those signs start to become missing parts of the story that you're telling yourself.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
You're telling yourself a story that this was the love of my life. You've got to find every plot hole in that story. And that happens by talking to your friends again, talking to the people that knew that person again, and making sure you're actually aware of filling in all those plot holes.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
When you start filling in all those plot holes, you start to go, oh, wait a minute, maybe they weren't the love of my life. But then you feel the opposite. Then you feel... God, I'm really messed up. And maybe I don't deserve love. Now it's like, okay, they weren't the love of my life, but will anyone ever love me? So now I'm in that hole. So what do I do with that hole?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
One thing that I find really useful for people if they're in the hole of will anyone ever love me? is starting to feel love from real relationships in their life that are not romantic. We undervalue love that isn't romantic. You could have three friends, a child, a mom and a dad, a brother or sister that loves you with all their heart,
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And if you don't have a partner who's romantic, you'll say, I'm not worthy of love, which makes zero sense. So start noticing all the people in your life that actually love you because that actually shows you that you're worthy of love. Now you're just looking for the romantic part to come in.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And the reality is, not only have I seen those people last far longer, what I've actually noticed is that those people have reinvented themselves, they've re-found themselves. Sure, it may not be that you do a podcast forever, But when you have something you want to share with the world and give yourself to the world, you're going to keep doing that forever. So I do mean that.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And then the third and final thing that I'd want people to do when they're going through a breakup is truly realize that There is no quick fix. There is two steps forward, three steps back. There is the moment that I'm going to keep grieving. And one thing I loved that I learned, I was told this by Katie Couric, but I think it's written by a name named Jessica. I forget her surname.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Do you remember her name? Yeah, there's this lady named Jessica. I'll try and find her second name. But she wrote this and I learned about it from Katie Couric. She talked about how grief is like a stone in your pocket. And that stone never goes away. That grief of could have been with that person. They were the love of my life. It's like a stone in your pocket that you're holding on to.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And that stone will never go away. But as you get stronger, the stone gets lighter. You notice it less. Right? When you get more confident in who you are, the stone never goes away, but it gets easier to hold. Right. And all of a sudden you don't even feel it anymore. Right. So the goal is how can you get stronger? How can you get more confident? How can you build yourself up?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Whatever you need, whatever your path to that is, that's what your focus has to be. Because as soon as you get stronger, that stone gets lighter.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
It's beautiful to remember that because I think we're trying to get over the stone, but the stone's always going to be there.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Exactly. Wow. So that's by a wonderful writer named Jess Watson. And I learned about it through Katie Couric who shared it with me. But Jess Watson wrote it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Go for it. Yeah, absolutely. Listen to breakup songs. Listen to love songs. Do whatever you want. I mean, all of that stuff's great. I'm trying to give the... I'm trying to give the hard work part. But you should hang out with friends. You should go out and do what you need to do. I'm giving you the stuff that has to happen under it to really deal with what's going on.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I have spaces I listen to music. I pretty much only listen to music in the gym. Only? Pretty much. I love driving in silence. I absolutely love it. Yeah, I know. I'm crazy. I absolutely love it. I will drive in silence or I'll make a phone call. I'll call someone.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I call a lot of friends because all my best friends live in London. So I'm always trying to find a moment I can catch them. And usually when I'm in a car, I can catch someone.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
They love it over there. So I talk to a lot of friends back in London. I'll call my mom. I'll call my sister. So I spend most of my free time calling people. But if I'm not, I drive in silence. Why is that? I feel like it's kind of like that dishwasher of sleep. I find like when I'm driving, I can really work through my thoughts, figure things out, kind of file away some thoughts here and there.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I find it really therapeutic. It's been like that for a while.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And so what the and is, is saying, and I'll find a new way. And I'll find a new strength. And I'll find a new medium. And I'll find a new platform. And I'll find a new way, a new medium, a new platform, a new... I'll find a new message, whatever it may be. Because... What we try and do is we try and do everything to avoid the thing we're scared of. That's what we're trying to do.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I like to file them away going, what thought do I want to think about right now? Or I open the tab. All right, done with that one. Let's put it away. That's kind of how I think about my life.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
They're great. They're so good. Yeah, they're giving people a vocabulary for their mind. It's brilliant. I love the Inside Out. And Inside Out 2 was surprisingly good too. It wasn't as good as the first, but it was good. Oh, you didn't think? No, you preferred it?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah, I like the Inside Out movies. But yeah, I think... Yeah, in the gym, I'll listen to everything from Drake through to... Generally, I grew up on a lot of hip-hop and R&B. That's what I grew up on. So that's what usually is my gym playlist. Amazing.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
It's the only way to get... Well, Drake listens to Taylor Swift in the gym, right?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
No, I feel like a lot of, that's how I feel. I feel like a lot of podcasts these days have got shorter. We do a long one too. But I love that you've felt that way.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I want to make sure that you also had a good time. This is totally, I will, if you give me your number, I will message you. I actually... No, no. Actually, let's talk about... I actually DM'd you my number and said, hey, Jake. So first of all, I DM'd Jake. Where's my phone? Let's read it for the... I can get your IG. Oh, yeah, get my IG. So wait, I have to do this. I don't know. I'm sick.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I'm just going to remind you of this wonderful man who has not responded since last night. Okay, listen to this. So... This is mine and Jake Shane's DM thread. This is me on Feb 19th at 7.09 PM, respectable hour, right? Love everything you're doing. Three high five or prayer hand emojis, whatever you call them for whichever people you are. Congratulations, right?
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So then Jake comes back and goes, Jay, in all capital letters, I'm such a huge fan. Thank you. And I say, feeling it. And then I heart that. And I say, feeling is mutual. Love your energy. Can't wait to connect in person. Jake hearts that. He goes, me too. It's going to be awesome. I don't heart that one, but I say my number is. Oh God, let me cover that. I say, yeah, don't do that.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I say my number is, beep, beep, beep, whatever it is. And then you heart that and then no message back. No text. Okay. No DM back. Nothing. So then on March 25th, a month later, I messaged Jake. And I say, love the piece in the Hollywood Reporter. Congrats, bud. Because it was brilliant. I really loved it. And then Jake messages back saying, thank you. Pumped to get together soon.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I say, me too. Let me know whenever you want to come over and hang. I said, I will. Do you live in LA? I say, yes, you. No reply. No, I'm sick. Not even seen.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
So, if you give me your number today, which now I'm forcing you, now I feel really desperate.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Maybe I don't want, no, actually, Jake, I don't want your number. Well, you gave me yours, so unless you change it within the hour, I'm going to text you. I will wait to see if you text me first. But no, I've had a great time. I love telling people when I'm having a great time. It's been so much fun.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Your greatest skill is you have this ability to bring things out of people that they don't usually talk about and say. And that's how I felt today. Really? Yeah. We've gone in so many interesting directions. I've told stories I've never told before. We've talked about so many interesting things. I love it.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Oh, what did we learn today? I think we learned we should not start our day with our phone or end our day with our phone. We learned that we should stop looking at humans how we look at technology and treat them as humans and people and not expect them to be as entertaining as our phones. Right. And realize that there's so much more than that.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Our mind is thinking, how do I not get canceled? How do I not get my career to be over? How do I make sure that I'm not irrelevant? And that's where the overthinking comes in. Whereas what my technique is, is you accept it. That could even happen. And I'm still going to live tomorrow. I'm still going to breathe tomorrow. I'm still going to be able to find a way to change someone's life tomorrow.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And I think we learned that you are really vulnerable, really thoughtful, and that you have more superpowers than you're aware of. And when you start putting those superpowers into practice, you're going to find the love of your life in the most beautiful ways. That's what we learned.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Maybe I'll have to check in and see why he hasn't texted me. I'll just take your number just in case.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I needed this too and I learned so much. Thank you so much. I learned so much too. Thank you. Do you want to say a little bye, pussies? Of course. Bye, pussies.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I'm still going to find a way to make someone smile, to make someone laugh. And if I've got to start back at one person again, that's okay. Because when I can make one person laugh, that will become two, that will become 20, that will become 2 million, and it will keep happening.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And I believe that's true for you. And I know you may not believe it right now. And I don't need you to believe it right now. But I want you to start adding that thought. I want you to add that thought of, yeah, that could be possible. And the game is not over.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Well, anytime you need me to say it again, just call me up. Oh, don't. Don't tell me that. No, but I think it's a message everyone needs to hear, right? I don't think it's you. I don't think it's just me and you. It's everyone, right? Like even someone who's just started a new job right now, maybe they're out of college, they're starting their new job or they're applying for new jobs.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. And I think it's all about, I feel like the only way people continue is when they have something they care more about. And that's what I would encourage you to continue to look for is like, what do you care so much about? that you would never allow yourself to stop doing what you love.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Like nothing's worth stopping doing what you love because you care about it so much. You believe in it so much. I'm assuming you believe in what you do. Yeah, of course.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Exactly. And that's what gets you through. It's not the avoiding it. It's not the trying to figure out how to make sure it never happens. It's the fact that you just care about Making people laugh, making people smile, making someone's day. And you're going to keep doing that anyway. But before I started this, Jake, I was like... I used to sit in rooms like this and give talks to...
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
First time I ever gave a talk, zero people showed up in a room this size.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Genuinely. And I practiced my speech as if the room was full. And then the second time I did it, no one showed up again. And I practiced as if the room was full. And then the third time, two people came. And the fourth time, five people came. And then it grew and grew and grew. And I post these pictures sometimes on Instagram of how it started and how it's going.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Just to remind people that there were loads of times I had to sit there. And I did it because I loved it. I didn't stick it through because I hoped one day there'd be a million people. I'm sure you've done that. Tell me about your journey. I'm sure there's been so many moments. I see you now touring and, you know, selling out venues and all the rest of it. I'm guessing it didn't start there.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
It matters to me. It was perfect and heartfelt, so that's more important.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I'm really grateful to be here, and I know we were DMing a couple of months ago or whatever, and I'm such a fan of what you're doing and how you're getting these incredible messages out there in this really nuanced way, and it's beautiful to watch, so thank you.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Yeah. What I love about what you're saying though, is that, We both love the same thing about touring, even though I'm not necessarily making people laugh. It's the intimacy. It makes you feel like you're in your living room making your friends laugh.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
I visualized the intimate rooms and spaces that I had that were kind of like this, where I'd speak to three people and I'd pour my heart into it and spend three hours and four hours with them. And so when I'm on stage, I'm always trying to make each person feel like they're the only person in the room.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
It's such an intimate individual experience. I love touring. I went on a world tour two years ago. We did nearly 40 cities across the world, went everywhere from Australia to India to Dubai to Europe, of course, all over the States. And the thing I loved about it most is humans are so much more alike than they are different.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
Everyone always asked me, like, what's the quirks of this city or this country? And there were some. Like, when I went to Australia, everyone banters back. If you make a joke with someone in Australia, they're coming back for you.
Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 73: Jay Shetty
And it's awesome. And it's great. Like, really good energy. And then when I was in Florida, it was crazy. And this lady had this really emotional moment with me on stage, but then wanted a picture where she was doing the splits and then a headstand and all this other stuff. Florida. Yeah. And then when I was in... Then when I was in Boston, I would walk out into the audience as part of my show.
This Is Important
Ep 240: Weed Is Cool?
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and if you've ever felt the weight of letting go, of people, past versions of yourself, or the expectations placed on you, this episode is for you. Lizzo opens up like never before about self-love, transformation, and finding real peace in a world that constantly tries to define you.
This Is Important
Ep 240: Weed Is Cool?
I think it's also hard when the things that you stand for are the same things that you're being scrutinized for.
This Is Important
Ep 240: Weed Is Cool?
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
This Is Important
Ep 240: Weed Is Cool?
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty. This episode, Lizzo opens up like never before about self-love, transformation, and finding real peace in a world that constantly tries to define you.
This Is Important
Ep 240: Weed Is Cool?
Hey, I'm Jay Shetty. This episode, Lizzo opens up like never before about self-love, transformation and finding real peace in a world that constantly tries to define you.
This Is Important
Ep 240: Weed Is Cool?
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
This Is Important
Ep 240: Weed Is Cool?
Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.