Khloé Kardashian and #1 NYT bestselling author and podcast host Jay Shetty dive into healing, past trauma, and self-worth. Khloé talks embracing self-love, while Jay shares insights on stillness and choosing love daily.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Chapter 1: What trauma did Jay Shetty overcome?
I had to deal with a lot of trauma to get to this point. I believe you're worthy of love and you deserve love. I know what was done to me was not about me. Everyone in the world thinks that romantic love is the highest form of love. I'd argue that a mother's love for her child is far more the truest, purest form of love.
Chapter 2: How can love be the center of your life?
I'm not dating because my relationship with my kids, it's everything to me.
I'm willing to give up or sacrifice anything in order to put love at the center of my life.
This is more than a show. It's a window into my world and the stories that make it meaningful. Welcome to Chloe in Wonderland. I know we last saw each other in India, actually. Me, you, your wife, Kim. We were there for a fabulous wedding. Yes. And you actually took us by where you practiced being a monk.
Yes. I took you to one of the temples I lived at. Yeah. It was so beautiful to share that with you. Thank you for being so curious and open and respectful. It was wonderful to see just how many questions you both had and how gracious you were.
I read your book, Think Like a Monk, a while ago. And just, you know, I'm a little sick, but one of the reasons why I loved, you said, I wrote it down because I don't want to mumble it up, but I love that you wrote. The work you were doing in the corporate world started to feel like it had no meaning because you didn't see the positive impact it had in society.
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Chapter 3: What did Jay learn from his time as a monk?
And one of the reasons why I wanted to do this podcast so badly is I don't want to discredit anything else that I do. I love fashion and fragrance and I love our TV show. I get to spend all this time with my family. But sometimes I feel like there has to be more of an impact that we're leaving on other people.
And with this podcast, and, you know, there's going to be times where it's laughter and humorous and fun, but then there's also times where you get someone like you who's all about depth and you learn so much and you, it's really about paying it forward.
Well, you being so kind and gracious, I'm really touched by that. And I think for me, when you grow up in an Indian family, you have three choices. And the three choices would be a doctor, a lawyer, or a failure. And it really does feel like that sometimes. I feel like I grew up not even knowing what careers existed beyond a certain set.
And I think for me, what inspired me a lot was I was studying the lives of people that really inspired me. And that's why I love what you're doing with Wonderland, because I felt like my teens were kind of like that. I was exposed to so many different stories, biographies, autobiographies, people that I'd never met. And I was reading about Martin Luther King.
I was reading about Malcolm X. I was also reading Dwayne The Rock Johnson and David Beckham. And that's where it comes in. I had this balance since day one. And what I found in all of them was that they had faith and spirituality somewhere. It existed in some part of their life. And what was beautiful is that you could see that these people were always driven from a deeper place.
And when I would read the words of Martin Luther King, or I'd read the words of Malcolm X, I'd always feel like they were just living in this invisible world inside. And I just thought to myself that if everyone in my life that I respect and admire have all worked from a deeper place, then maybe that's something worth pursuing. And I think it was very simple and basic, if I'm honest, Chloe.
I saw a lot of people around me who were doing well financially, who were doing well materially, who were doing well career-wise, but they weren't happy. And I think when I was 18, I'd met people who were beautiful. I'd met people who were rich. I'd met people who were strong and powerful, but they weren't happy and fulfilled.
And so I thought to myself, when I met the monks, I was like, they seem happy. They seem fulfilled. Now I have to caveat that with, I don't think it's because you can't be happy in the material world. I don't think it's because you can't have a fulfilled life with a day-to-day job. I really have to clarify that. I think I just hadn't had that experience. So for me, it was curiosity.
There was a desire to A big part of it was wanting to master my mind. I just really felt that a lot of emotions that you experience in your teenage years, I just felt this calling to say, if I could master my mind, that would be a worthy pursuit. And if I could figure out how to serve other people, that would be a worthy pursuit.
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Chapter 4: How to cultivate self-love and inner voice?
Yeah, of course, you saw it. Yeah, you saw it. And so, And now I have too many clothes to fit in. And so you're living this very unrelatable life. But if I had to think about what was relatable about that time or what I took away that anyone and everyone in the world could practice, it's something I like to call 11-11 because they're angel numbers and people love those.
And so it's like one day a week, spend one hour by yourself. So that's on your own. and then ask yourself one question. And the one question is, what is meaningful to me that I've been deprioritizing lately? What's really important to me in my heart, but I keep letting it fall to the bottom of the to-do list. And I really believe that if we did that and sat with that question,
the answer will emerge so naturally. What's really interesting about the world is I think we live in a world where we feel we have to demand an answer or force an answer. And the universe is like people. If I force you to give me an answer, chances are you'll feel uncomfortable. And even if you give me it, it won't be the deepest answer.
But when I ask it as almost like a plea, a sincere request, a hopeful request, then everything unfolds and a person in front of you just melts open. And so when you're talking to yourself, don't demand it. Don't be like, oh, I don't know what the answer is. I can't hear my inner voice. When it's that resistance, it almost creates a lot of tension.
And so I would say one day a week for one hour, sit on your own and ask yourself one question. What is it that is so important to me that I keep deprioritizing? And that question is the number one question that allows your inner voice to rise because it allows yourself to be honest, authentic, and it allows yourself to be truthful with yourself in that safe space.
So I highly recommend that as a practice. And so you don't have to learn meditation. You don't have to build a new habit. You just have to try that.
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Chapter 5: What is the importance of stillness in self-discovery?
You'll actually be able to disconnect because that's the only time we actually go inward. And so don't save it for the pillow. Do it before the pillow. Do it before you get into bed. And you might even have a much more restful sleep. So I don't think just getting close to your thoughts is about meditation or... It's about living a more meaningful life. I think it impacts your health.
It impacts your physicality. It impacts your stress. It impacts how much you can listen to others because you're not constantly lost. And so I think it's a habit that will benefit every relationship in your life. And it will definitely experience a better relationship with yourself.
No, I agree completely. Now that you are where you are, are your parents... like proud of everything you've done? Like, are they like, yes, we encouraged you? Do they have a different narrative?
So Indian parents are very interesting, but I would love to, and I want to hear your thoughts on this too, because I feel like, I'm sure you've done things that, you know, were counterintuitive to what family wanted. So I want to hear about yours. But I would say my mom is my number one fan. And I think that's a mom way to be.
So my mom's always like, I love it when I see your mom post what each of you are doing and what you're up to. She's so proud and it's so sweet. And my mom's like that too. I'll be like, mom, don't tell anyone this. I'm just telling you, I'm going on Chloe's podcast. Don't tell anyone. And she'll be on the phone to her friend, telling her everything.
And she would get a call from like some random insurance company or like whatever it is. And she'd be like, oh yeah, did you know my son's sense? And so my mom's a sweetheart and I'm happy for her to have that because she sacrificed so much for me. My mom was the main breadwinner. She made us breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. She dropped us to school.
Me and my younger sister, she picked us up from school. She made us dinner. She did our homework with us and then went out to work and came back. So my mom is super woman and incredible. And she's been through so much hardship in her life that if that makes her happy, I'm like, have it. And yesterday we were at a team dinner and we were playing that game, We're Not Really Strangers.
I don't know that game. It's a really good card game where you just pick cards, but they have really good questions.
Oh, I love card games.
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Chapter 6: How does social media affect self-worth?
And then I'm like, I want to do that too. But not in an envious way, in a like they lit a fire under me type of way. But I'm not good at being like, wow, I started my own podcast. I think whether they be big or small, just because I started this, that's an accomplishment. Doesn't mean it has to be the number one podcast show. And I have to take every little step and applaud myself.
Because years ago, I used to. And I feel like I lost that. It's weird. I lost... more of my confidence in myself the longer I've been in this industry. So interesting. As opposed to the opposite. Why is that? I don't know. I feel as much as I like to say, I try not to listen to the negative on social or this or that. When we started was in 2006 or 2007 and there was no Instagram.
There was no, I think there was like MySpace and Facebook. Twitter came a you just weren't, the noise wasn't so loud because we had blackberries. It was like a great, different, innocent time. And the louder the noise got, as much as you don't wanna hear it, you still hear it even a little bit. And it does, even if you don't believe it, it does chip away at you.
And what's interesting is you would think that I would be like so immune and I'm Teflon and this doesn't bother me. But even if I say it doesn't, I've realized that subconsciously it does. And that I love what you said. I do want to sit there and celebrate myself, whether they be big or small.
Even sometimes if I've had a crazy day with my kids and I'm like, okay, at the end of the day, I'm like, I'm just happy we all made it through the day.
Totally, yeah.
Sometimes that is... the accomplishment for the day. And that's enough.
Yeah. And I hope you'll do that. I hope you'll take a moment. I hope everyone who's listening and watching will do that today. Just close your eyes for a moment. Validate something that you want everyone to validate. We all want to be validated for something. You're a really hard worker. You're a really good mom. You put your best foot forward every day. You're a kind person.
We all want to hear those things. And let's say them to ourselves. We all want to be appreciated for some part of ourselves. And we all want to be celebrated for something. And I just feel like we have to start with ourselves. We have to do it for ourselves because then when someone else does it, it's a bonus. You appreciate it. You can also honor them back.
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Chapter 7: What role does self-validation play in happiness?
So if she's like, oh yeah, my highlight was I talked to this really cool guest on my podcast and they were talking about so many interesting things. I'm like, oh, got it. Like she's passionate about whatever it may be. And I feel like when you tell someone your highlight, you learn so much about them.
And that's also mirrored with, she can tell me what the hardest thing was she went through that week. Every month I'll ask her, what do you need help with this week? That way I know what she's struggling with. So she might just be like, or actually it's usually me. I'm like, hey babe, I've got a really busy month this month. I've got like back-to-back days, schedule's crazy.
Just please know that I'll be present as much as I can. But if I'm on my phone a bit or whatever, just let me know. Just give me a second. Give me some grace and let me know because I might not be the best version of myself at all times. So that's every month. Every quarter, this one's a tough one, but it's really helped us.
I always ask the question, is this relationship going in the direction we want? And if it isn't, what are we both willing to do? So are we both going and moving in the way we want to? And if it isn't, what are you willing to change? And what am I willing to change? And every year, the obvious ones I'll say, what's your goals this year and how can I help you?
And so I feel those check-ins are so important because the first one tells me what she loves. The second one tells me what she's struggling with. The third one tells me what I need to change and what we need to do. And the fourth one, again, tells me where we're going. And so those four check-ins have become a part of a regular part of our lives now. I love that.
Sometimes she gets annoyed when I bring them up.
No, I love that. I mean, ever since I was little with my dad, we would have family dinner and every dinner we would do the peak and the pit of our day. And my kids, I do that with my kids, but they're young. So they'll tell me, oh, you know, the most... basic thing, but it's cute to implement that into their lives. What kind of stuff do they say?
Oh, they'll be like, oh, my favorite part was when you forgot, I forgot to brush my daughter's teeth one time. We were like, and I freaked out and we got a toothbrush. I brushed her teeth at school. But she thinks it's so funny that I forgot to do that. And I'm always like, well, you have to remember you're six too. But she loves to bring that up. But that was one of her favorite parts.
That's so cute. I love that.
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