Unnamed Participant
Appearances
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And with this podcast, and, you know, there's going to be times where it's laughter and humorous and fun, but then there's also times where you get someone like you who's all about depth and you learn so much and you, it's really about paying it forward.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Because I think I'm really bad at celebrating myself. I think that... Well, I know I'm phenomenal at celebrating others. And I mean it with every fiber of me. I'm like everyone's biggest cheerleader. I'm so happy. And me and my family, we're not competitive. We're motivated by one another. So if someone is like, oh, I just did X, Y, and Z, I'm like, yes, you rock.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And then I'm like, I want to do that too. But not in an envious way, in a like they lit a fire under me type of way. But I'm not good at being like, wow, I started my own podcast. I think whether they be big or small, just because I started this, that's an accomplishment. Doesn't mean it has to be the number one podcast show. And I have to take every little step and applaud myself.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Because years ago, I used to. And I feel like I lost that. It's weird. I lost... more of my confidence in myself the longer I've been in this industry. So interesting. As opposed to the opposite. Why is that? I don't know. I feel as much as I like to say, I try not to listen to the negative on social or this or that. When we started was in 2006 or 2007 and there was no Instagram.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
There was no, I think there was like MySpace and Facebook. Twitter came a you just weren't, the noise wasn't so loud because we had blackberries. It was like a great, different, innocent time. And the louder the noise got, as much as you don't wanna hear it, you still hear it even a little bit. And it does, even if you don't believe it, it does chip away at you.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And what's interesting is you would think that I would be like so immune and I'm Teflon and this doesn't bother me. But even if I say it doesn't, I've realized that subconsciously it does. And that I love what you said. I do want to sit there and celebrate myself, whether they be big or small.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Even sometimes if I've had a crazy day with my kids and I'm like, okay, at the end of the day, I'm like, I'm just happy we all made it through the day.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Sometimes that is... the accomplishment for the day. And that's enough.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Why are these people one up? And anything you do, it can be positive, negative. It's the one uppers. But now do you guys make sure you sort of check in with each other? Is that a way that to avoid that? Like you make sure you have time to be like, how was your, like, do you make that a priority to talk about if there's anything you guys want to talk about on that level?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
No, I love that. I mean, ever since I was little with my dad, we would have family dinner and every dinner we would do the peak and the pit of our day. And my kids, I do that with my kids, but they're young. So they'll tell me, oh, you know, the most... basic thing, but it's cute to implement that into their lives. What kind of stuff do they say?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Oh, they'll be like, oh, my favorite part was when you forgot, I forgot to brush my daughter's teeth one time. We were like, and I freaked out and we got a toothbrush. I brushed her teeth at school. But she thinks it's so funny that I forgot to do that. And I'm always like, well, you have to remember you're six too. But she loves to bring that up. But that was one of her favorite parts.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And I just thought that was funny that that's what she remembers. But just little things like that. And a lot of them will say that they love our family dinners because I have family dinners with... I do Bible study every Thursday at my house for my nieces and nephews. And so last night I had...
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
seven of them and we go around the table and we tell them and some can be crazy like they liked that they pulled someone's pants down or something. I'm like, you guys are just nuts. But they're at that age. But it's just good to get that going.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And that stems from my dad. My dad's been gone for like 21 years and it's still something we do. So things like that, you will probably pass down. You'll do it in a different version with your children and then they pass it down. And I really find that beautiful. we all have trauma, whether it be big or small. I always joke.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I'm always like, well, my kids better not talk about childhood trauma because they have the best freaking lives. And they do, but it's going to happen. It's the inevitable. But were there ever moments where you found yourself reacting to something and realized it was an old wound showing up and it was misdirected energy? And if so, how do you catch yourself in doing that?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I'm not dating because my relationship with my kids, it's everything to me.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
But the brain you have, because our brain is a muscle, and it is not very easy to reprogram it. Not at all. It takes so much effort and conscious effort to do such a thing. So for you to be able to identify it as one thing, but to actually implement that and Live like that. You have a very determined, you have a very strong-willed mind.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I agree so much. For me, my ex, him and I are not together anymore, but we co-parent really, really well. But I've chosen to not, because I genuinely don't want to right now, I'm not dating. Because my relationship with my kids just is, it's everything to me. And not that that means people who are dating, when they have kids, anything. But where I am in my life right now, I just really want...
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
to nurture this love. And I just want to be as present as I can. I don't want any distractions right now in my life. If I meet someone in two months, two years, and I fall in love, great. But I'm not actively on the dating scene searching for someone. And I'm so happy. I feel so fulfilled. And I also love that I've taken... about three years off of dating.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And I feel like I've really got to know myself on a deeper level. It's that thing about avoidance or distracting. And when you're stuck with yourself, you're like, okay, I got to come face to face with this version of me, or what do I want to perfect? Or how can I be a better person in this area? And so that's really what I've been doing in hopes that when I do meet my next partner, it will be
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
my forever partner, but also the right one that I would want to be around my children and around my family. But nurturing those relationships with my mom, my siblings, my kids, my nieces and nephews, that means more to me than anything else in my life right now. And then the person I invite in would just be that bonus. But I had to deal with a lot of trauma to get to this point.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Like that's also, we were talking about the beginning. Don't discredit the things that brought you to this journey. Because even though I wouldn't wish on anyone what I went through romantically, I'm also not ashamed of anything I went through romantically. I also think it's one of my superpowers that I went through those things and I still have such a softness for love and for life. And like,
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
how you see, you want to see love every day and in every situation. So do I. And I don't think for a second, oh, the world is condemned and look at you and you're a, you know, a piece of, you know what? Like, I don't think like that. I just think, okay, that was my journey. I was supposed to go on. It made me better. I don't know. And it brought me to this point. That's more
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
in a healthy isolation where I can reflect and work on myself. But I'm at the stage of my life that I'm willing to. I think if this would have happened 10 years ago, I would have been like, let me go to the club. Because I would be 30 because I just turned 40. I'm not going to be in the club and doing all that.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
But if this happened when I was younger, I would have been like, let me just go hook up with a bunch of guys. And that's just distracting and bearing that. But that trauma is going to resurface later.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
For me, it was so much of my faith. So I am a Christian. And I think I used to take theology in school and I love theology. I love learning about other religions. And the root of it is really there's a higher being and we all... answer to that higher being at one point in life. And for me, it was having a lot of conversations with God when I pray. They're more conversational.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And I would just talk and I realized that wasn't my journey. It was a part of my journey, but that wasn't a reflection of me. I was used for that person to learn life lessons. And I also feel that because I'm strong enough. And my response, like, yes, in the moment, if someone did something not great to me, I probably had not the best reaction, but that would be immediately.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
But afterwards, I've always handled things with respect and kindness. And no matter what someone did to me, I was never manipulative or trying to do the same thing back. And I think What people don't get, it's not eye for an eye. When you do eye for an eye, that other person isn't learning anything. They're just like, well, see, that's why I cheated on you. Or that's why I did that.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
They always say that. But if you... I don't want to say take something on the chin, but for lack of a better expression, sure. If you deal with it, and if you're strong enough to say... okay, this isn't my journey. That was for them to experience, but it was me to learn and to see these signs that I don't want in my next partner.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Like that I think was part of my journey, but I know what was done to me was not about me. I know that was about them and they have past trauma that they've never healed from. And every time when you ask someone like, why'd you do this? And they'll bring up, oh, my parents, or I came from a broken house. It's always something like that. It's never about the immediate relationship.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
It's always from years past. But I think if it wasn't for my family, so my core circle and also my relationship with God, I just learned it wasn't about me. But maybe in the beginning, like when this happened, probably with my first husband. I was younger and I think that was a lot harder for me. But what's interesting is with each relationship,
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
where something bad has happened, I didn't take it and was like, woe is me, I'm this victim. I took it more like, okay, that's another layer of armor that I'm putting on myself that I can get through anything else that happens in my life. But it's also not going to harden me for my next relationship.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Like I'm really big on not taking all of that baggage with me, but I still like to carry it a little just so I'm reminded. I think of like, the red flags that I'm supposed to see now, but it's not going to make me project that onto my next partner.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
But also for my kids, like I never want to be that person that my kids are like, oh, I'm going to get married. And I'm like, well, good luck. I really hate when people take their relationships and they project it. I do believe in happily ever after. I am one of those hopeless romantics, and I love the fairy tale and the fantasy, regardless of what's ever happened to me.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I'm always going to be that girl, and I think we should be. I love a good Disney movie.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And I think a lot of it is the isolation period, I think is so healthy for us. Because if you just constantly distract... you're never going to face the problem, but it's always going to be there. And I love writing. So I write and it's never for people to see, but I think that's so therapeutic.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
If people write down their thoughts and it can be, sometimes I don't know what the hell I'm going to write. The pen is just on paper and it's gibberish. Then all of a sudden sentences flow. And I'm like, wow, that was really insightful. That was okay. And then I keep going maybe on that. But whatever your religion is, whatever your faith, I just think lean into that.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Ask the questions, like you said, the 11-11 method and your circle of friends. But you want to make sure your friends are like-minded. Because if you have a bitter friend or someone that's holding on, projecting their own life, that's... Yeah, that makes it really hard. It does.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Well, that's also why I wish people like with social media, they realized so many of these people that are saying something, not that we want them to go through that experience, but they just, they don't know about your journey. And, but you're, what's the quote? Like, why would you take advice, no, why would you take criticism from someone you would never take advice from?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And it's so true, and you're listening to people that you don't even know, you don't know, they could be eight years old, 10 years old, buying this screen, and they're just like, you're ugly, like, thanks, and it shatters that person, and that's always been so interesting to me, how we can let that happen to us, But yeah.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Why do we care? Well, Jay, thank you so much for bearing with my voice, number one, but also just for having such a great conversation with me. You know me, my family love and adore you and I appreciate you coming here and being one of my first guests on my podcast.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Same for us. We love and adore you. My mom really thinks you're her son. That makes me feel so bad. Oh my gosh. I told you so upset she can't be here today to see you.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I would love to give her a hug. I know. I'll tell her for sure. Thank you, Jay.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
This is more than a show. It's a window into my world and the stories that make it meaningful. Welcome to Chloe in Wonderland. I know we last saw each other in India, actually. Me, you, your wife, Kim. We were there for a fabulous wedding. Yes. And you actually took us by where you practiced being a monk.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
But I think the bravery it takes because it's like the weight of the world is on you by that decision.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And you being able to make that decision because it's not selfish. It's selfless. That's for you. Because or else... it does become very mundane life. We know all these people that have all these things, but they might not be happy because it doesn't really satisfy their souls. They're doing it probably because they can't get off the ride. Once you're on, and also once you... live this lifestyle.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Sometimes you feel like you have to keep it up, even if you don't want it half the time.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Either social media, which I hate to say that, but we all become a prisoner to social media in some regard, or our circle of friends around us. It could be on a grand scale or a small scale. My friends who have the nine to fives seem so much happier than my friends that maybe do more of the showy type of stuff. Because I feel like they have more that they're trying to prove to society.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
So I think by you... I understand you were much younger and at a different stage in your life, but even just you saying that to your family and going to India, that seems like a huge responsibility and also not a burden, but like a huge weight that you had to carry because you almost had to prove it to your family.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Like her whole career is based... Again, I'm paraphrasing the story, but I guess when she was like four years old, her grandmother was hanging clothes on a drying rack, you know, the drying string outside. And her grandmother said something like, you're going to be doing this one day. And she said, oh, no, I'm not. And that was the voice in her head.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And then forever, she just learned to listen to that voice. And she said the only time she's made the wrong choices is when she didn't listen to that voice.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
But for you to have that confidence and to... have that voice and to listen to it, and especially with all the naysayers and everything against you, I mean, it just is a testament to who you are and that there is something divine and loud inside of you.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Oh, that's beautiful. Do you think there's ways to, for someone who has no idea what that voice sounds like, like to strengthen that or to pay attention to that voice? Do you think it's through meditation or?
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I read your book, Think Like a Monk, a while ago. And just, you know, I'm a little sick, but one of the reasons why I loved, you said, I wrote it down because I don't want to mumble it up, but I love that you wrote. The work you were doing in the corporate world started to feel like it had no meaning because you didn't see the positive impact it had in society.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
I think the problem so many people have is they can't be alone with themselves. I think in today's day and age, they need, I mean, our phones, social media, everything has become such an avoidance for things. It's a distraction. You see people standing in line at the grocery store. They can't just wait for the checkout. They're constantly on their phone. They need something to do.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
We've all become like that, fidgety, whatever the case may be. Where for me, when I started to meditate, I'm still not great at it, but I practice it. The first time I started, I was thinking, this is so stupid. I can't do this. I hear all these voices in my head and it's telling me, you have to do this. I have to make Tru's lunch or whatever it is.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
Just to put out there for the listeners that it takes time to get to that 11-11 phase.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
And one of the reasons why I wanted to do this podcast so badly is I don't want to discredit anything else that I do. I love fashion and fragrance and I love our TV show. I get to spend all this time with my family. But sometimes I feel like there has to be more of an impact that we're leaving on other people.
Khloé in Wonder Land
Secrets to Loving Yourself ft. Jay Shetty
No, I agree completely. Now that you are where you are, are your parents... like proud of everything you've done? Like, are they like, yes, we encouraged you? Do they have a different narrative?