On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Mon, 10 Feb 2025
Do you think your “type” limits you? What’s one unrealistic dating expectation you’ve had? Today, Jay welcomes back one of the most insightful voices in modern dating and relationships, Stephan Speaks. If you’ve been searching for clarity in love, struggling with self-worth in dating, or wondering why you keep attracting the wrong partners, this conversation is a must-listen. Jay and Stephan kick off by breaking down one of the biggest struggles in today’s dating world—the negative perception of men and women. They explore how sensationalized online narratives and personal biases shape our beliefs about relationships, often distorting reality. Stephan explains how social media and exaggerated dating horror stories create unnecessary fear and distrust, making it harder for people to embrace love. If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck in a cycle of failed relationships, Stephan reveals that understanding yourself first is the key to finding the right partner. He emphasizes three critical factors: first, accepting the differences between men and women instead of resisting them; second, knowing yourself before entering a relationship, as many people struggle because they aren’t even clear on what they truly need; and third, prioritizing healing, because unresolved pain from past experiences will continue to affect every new connection. In this interview, you'll learn: How to Stop Letting Dating Myths Mislead You How to Attract the Right Partner by Knowing Yourself How to Heal Before Your Next Relationship How to Communicate With a Closed-Off Partner How to Break the Cycle of Failed Relationships If you’ve felt frustrated, discouraged, or like love just isn’t in the cards for you, remember this: the right relationship isn’t something you chase, it’s something you attract by becoming the best version of yourself. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free Monk Mode newsletter. Subscribe here. What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:28 The Difference Between Average Men and Women 11:30 Why Men Often Don't Date Ambitious Women 17:28 Understand Who Your Partner Really Is 23:55 Negative Perception of Men When Dating 28:52 Coveting the Desirables 32:27 How to Not Love Bomb Your Partner 40:32 If He Wanted to He Could 43:59 Emotional Maturity in Relationships 48:28 Always Be Open to Connection 53:34 Insecurities and Jealousy 01:01:15 How Do You Initiate Open Communication? 01:09:56 All Is Not Lost in Breakups 01:17:35 The Right Person at the Wrong Time 01:22:43 Every Dating Relationship is a Process Episode Resources: Stephan Speaks | Website Stephan Speaks | TikTok Stephan Speaks | Instagram Stephan Speaks | Youtube Stephan Speaks | LinkedIn Stephan Speaks | BooksSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: How do societal narratives affect our dating perceptions?
I think that's why we struggle so much because if someone's saying something, like if you were saying to me like, hey Jay, like, you know, I don't like the way that your friends speak to me when they're around. If I hear that, I start defending my friends because I'm like, what are you talking about? My friends are amazing. They're the best. They're the greatest.
Now I've invalidated you to validate myself because we think validation means I invalidate you, I validate myself. Or if I validate you, then I'm invalidating myself. Maturity is, oh, I could validate you and also stand true to who I am. That's a healed individual. And so I can agree with you and I can also share my perspective.
But I find that if we're looking for that off the bat, don't you feel like that portion of people is really small?
It is. But this is the unfortunate, harsh reality. because that portion is so small and because we overlook those types of issues, well, that's why we have so much unhealthy relationships. That's why we have such a high divorce rate. And I always tell people, people love to harbor on the divorce rate as an argument not to get married.
And I'm like, hold up, if we could quantify the breakup rate, it would probably make the divorce rate look like child's play, all right. People break up way more and so much trauma, so much hurt So, the reality is that yes, if we took this approach that said someone needs to be emotionally mature before we can enter in a relationship with them, relationships will plummet.
There will be a lot less relationships. However, two things would happen from that. There would be more healthy relationships and people would start to realize this is an unacceptable trait that they're carrying with them.
If people are experiencing where they can be dismissive, they cannot learn to be emotionally in tune and mature and intelligent enough to how to handle someone's feelings and concerns. Well, they will never understand the need to fix that, all right. And it's the same, it's that same issue like literally I was just coaching a married couple who they're going through it right now.
And one of the big issues is they're both very dismissive of each other when they're expressing their concerns, all right. So, it's like yeah, you can look past this if you want but you're going to pay a price. Is that price worth it? And most do not survive that. At some point you're going to have to learn it anyway, right. So, I just think yeah, I think it'd be best and I understand.
I'm speaking idealistically, realistically most people are going to overlook this issue, most people are going to give a pass, right. But I think even if you're going to give a pass to a certain extent it needs to be discussed, it needs to be understood. And to your point I love that you said because I literally just did a video on my men's channel about
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Chapter 2: What are the key differences between men and women in relationships?
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Hey y'all, it's your girl Cheeky's and I'm back with a brand new season of your favorite podcast, Cheeky's and Chill. I'll be sharing even more personal stories with you guys. And as always, you'll get my exclusive take on topics like love, personal growth, health, family ties, and more. And don't forget, I'll also be dishing out my best advice to you on episodes of Dear Cheeky's.
It's going to be an exciting year and I hope that you can join me. Listen to Cheekies and Chill Season 4 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Calling all 9-9ers. Now streaming. It's the More Better Podcast with two episodes of Brooklyn 9-9 Fun. Host Stephanie Beatriz and Melissa Fumero welcome former castmates Chelsea Peretti and Joe Latrullio for one episode each to laugh and swap stories.
Like, Andre would always be like, try and step in and do less. Do less.
Yeah, do less all the time. But then some of the biggest things were the biggest hits, like Vindication, remember?
Listen to More Better with Stephanie and Melissa on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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