Stephan Speaks
Appearances
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Okay, which is why for many of them whenever we have the conversation about why can't you date a man who's making less, right? Well, part of it is because in the back of her mind if she has a dream of one day being able to leave work she wants a man who can keep the lifestyle up, okay. And if he's making less well, then in her mind how will he be able to keep her lifestyle and maintain him?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
It's like no, he's got to be making as much or if not more so that I can keep this life that I've built for myself and I love very much. But again, I think it all starts with understanding okay, is this really who you are or not? Now, going back to the men I do think there is a struggle with a lot of men. One of the things that at least it comes to mind first for me the issue of low testosterone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And so, I'm very passionate about the whole testosterone issue. And I do want men to understand it's deeper than just testosterone because sometimes we're so fix... Like, you could have high testosterone but if your cortisol levels are too high your body's not even processing the testosterone correctly. Your stress is blocking it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
If your vitamin D is too low, if your B2... There's other things that can throw it off. So, don't think of life as let me just fix my testosterone and that's it. But that can be a huge game changer for a lot of men. So, if you have a man who's already... Because I always say some men are not lazy, they're unhealthy, all right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And if he is not healthy, he has low testosterone, his ability to handle, embrace, respect and ambitious is going to be a struggle in some ways. Well, it'll be a struggle in the sense that it might make him feel inadequate the way that she may carry herself with that ambition.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
However, I would argue that some of those men, a lot of those men probably want the ambitious woman simply because for him I need somebody who can carry the load, okay. And if she's going to come into my life and stabilize me then great. The real problem is the ambitious woman does not want that man.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
She's probably in most cases looking for a man who is also ambitious, right. And this is where the disconnect comes because now it's kind of like the whole discussion of having two alphas in a relationship, two very strong personalities. There's no real balance there, okay. And for a lot of women
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
what they're overlooking is what most men value or at least most men who are ambitious themselves, who do take care of themselves, they're looking for a compliment to that. They're looking for someone who can love them, pour into them, you know, contribute to a peaceful environment. he doesn't care about your money and your ambition as much, right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
But the guy who doesn't have for himself well, he's going to put more value on those things and it becomes this mismatch of individuals. So, a lot of these women who are ambitious it's not that they cannot get a man they're struggling to get the type of men they desire. All right and again, as I said earlier about how we focus on the desirables not the non-desirables.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
When she says I can't meet anyone she's not literally saying I can't meet any man. She's just saying I'm not meeting anyone I actually like and want to pay attention to. So, in her mind I'm not meeting anyone you see. And so, there is a problem with a lot of men and I do think again, I would pose the question to a lot of women Are you going to be happy in the long run in that kind of a dynamic?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Yes, that's the question. You know, is that really going to serve you or is that a right now in the moment thing? Because there's a lot of ambitious women who accepted maybe the less ambitious man, right? Because he figured, all right, well, he loves me. You know, he'll be there for me. I can trust this relationship. But then over time, she becomes frustrated with him.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
You know, he doesn't take initiative. He's not as assertive as she wants him to be. He doesn't exude the same level of masculine energy that she desires for a man. And that will take its toll. And eventually it will probably blow up the whole relationship.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Most breakups, if not all, are a blessing in disguise. We just can't see where the blessing is in that moment. Do you believe that there's right person, wrong time? Absolutely. It's not as simple as, oh, we love each other, everything's supposed to work perfectly. Love is one thing, relationship is another.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Absolutely. But I think what has to be considered in using your situation as an example is that She didn't have to create ambition in you, she activated it, she energized it, okay. But it already existed within you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, for her it was very fortunate that she found a man who actually wanted to make more of himself. The unfortunate reality is that there's a lot of women who will take that approach with a man and believe that okay, if I love on him and point into him this will get him to step up and it's like no, he does not have it in him. And there's nothing you can do like...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
when you think about it anyone who's successful has had experiences where whether it be friends, family, or random people where you've tried to help someone and no matter what you gave you could give them the whole blueprint, right. You can fund them, you can do everything and it still becomes nothing. Because it's just not in them. We cannot make them into something that they're not.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, I think it's important that for a woman if you're going to take that approach you have to do your due diligence of understanding who he is as a man, his true character. Are you projecting a fantasy and a potential on him that doesn't really exist, all right. What does he see in himself?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Like, I would argue I don't even know what conversations you guys had but there's a very good chance that if I was there you were speaking as a man who wanted to accomplish things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, she was just all right, I'm going to support that, I'm going to get behind you. That's very different from a woman saying to him like, for example, well, you could do this and you could become this. And it's like, okay, no, he has to want that. He has to have that vision. It's a great distinction. You see, and I think that's where people, you know, get tripped up
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
and end up in a situations where... And to your point, the key is ask yourself as a woman are you going to be okay if this man never changes? Because you're placing a bet, all right. There's no guarantee you're going to win this bet. Are you going to be okay if this man never changes? If not, I would suggest... Because here's another angle we can look at.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Her presence, her love gave you confidence. But did that have to be given within the context of a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship? Exactly. So, if a woman really believes in a man but she knows if this man doesn't change I'm going to be really upset, all right. And I'm going to feel cheated. Then all we're saying is maybe don't cross romantic lines yet
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
let that man know because I'll tell you this, if he has it in him and he has a desire for that woman and that woman said to him listen, I think you can make a great partner I would love to be with you but I need you to get to a more stable place first. If he's serious that's his motivation right there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
That will get him because as long as he knows oh, I can get the woman of my dreams, the woman I love if I put in the work okay, I'm going to do that. But by getting with him while in the process For a lot of men they only do to acquire. And if they already acquired then what am I going to do anything for?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Why do I need to go work and all this extra stuff and or try to do more to make more money when I'm getting fed, I'm getting sex, I have a roof over my head. For a lot of men that is enough. There's only a smaller segment of men who you can give them all those things and it doesn't matter they have to do more it's just who they are.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, that has to be acknowledged and recognized when a woman is going to determine if she's going to actually engage in that kind of a dynamic.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Completely unfair. When she goes on that date or she's in that relationship and things go wrong, she may leave out parts of what she did to contribute to the problem. I think people are not having success in dating because people are not accepting who they are first. I like that. There are things about us we know, but society makes us feel shamed about it. How do you communicate with someone
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Is it fair? It is unfair, completely unfair. One of the big problems that exists is that a lot of women are not being told accurate stories of other women's dating experiences. Now, that isn't to say there aren't genuinely bad men out there, bad experiences and all that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
But what they fail to understand is that whether it be their friends, their family, whoever, when she goes on that date or she's in that relationship and things go wrong, she may leave out parts of what she did to contribute to the problem. And so, you're hearing this very one-sided view of the situation which is going to almost always paint the man in the negative light.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And so, the woman starts to develop this very negative perception of men based off all these stories she's being fed. Then you add the internet, right, and the internet is built off of sensationalism and people coming up with all kinds of craziness to make the opposite gender look bad.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, whether it's men talking about women or women talking about... Or the same gender talking down on their gender, whatever it is, they're trying to hype up negative stories. So, even though these negative stories exist we don't always realize they're not so much the majority. They could be the minority they're just being pushed a lot more.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And so, yeah, it does create this very unfair... This unfair view of men and I think there's again, a little bit on both sides to be honest with you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Well, I think it's just human nature to where we take our negative experiences and we project it onto that demographic of whoever it's attached to. So it's like if someone gets robbed by a certain demographic of people, they may start to develop a fear towards those people. even though it was one isolated incident, they now become cautious to them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, in dating when you start to experience or hear all these negative things towards men let's say, well, you're naturally going to become more defensive, more negative and then what you don't realize is you create these self-fulfilling prophecies because you go into the dating experience bracing for negativity or projecting it, not realizing you're creating it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Okay, and so what also makes it worse and it hit me when you were asking the question is that and again, I don't want women to feel like I'm just saying like women don't take any responsibility or anything like that because there's plenty of women who do. However, it is more likely when a woman goes to her friends and family to tell them that this relationship fell apart.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
They're going to say you know, you're better than that, he doesn't deserve you, those type of things to build her up, make her feel good. Not really pointing out where she may have gotten things wrong. The man goes to his friends and other people about the relationship that fell apart. Man, you were stupid anyway, you should have done this. Like, they're going to come down on him regardless.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
who doesn't like to communicate? My initial response is going to be, you don't communicate with them at all. You let them go. If we're having issues with discussing our relationship problems, things that need to be addressed, if we can't discuss it, how can we fix it? We base our perceptions of the opposite sex on what I call the desirables.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And whether he likes it or not, he's going to have to accept some level of personal accountability. Well, that also now shapes how they approach the next dating situation. Now, unfortunately, I do think that there are some men who when they run to the internet and they hear women bad, women bad, women bad, they become blind to their own flaws.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
But I think you can make the argument that women have an audience of uplifters more than men do. And that will now skew how people view the opposite sex and now those negative stories are only going to have even more of an impact. Because if I'm being told as a woman I'm great, nothing's wrong with me, these men are horrible, right. And there's nothing for me to do different.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, then anything that goes wrong will always be viewed through the lens of men are just horrible people. Like, you're never going to think well, wait a minute maybe there was something missing from this story or maybe she could have handled things differently. No, you're going to jump right to they're bad because that's what you're being told over and over again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And then it's being solidified by some of your own personal experiences but you may not realize what's contributing to those experiences even coming about.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Exactly. And I think what we're not realizing as a society is that The reality is there we base our perceptions of the opposite sex on what I call the desirables, all right. That top 20% of men or women who get the most attention, who have the most opportunities. And it kind of goes back to that belief of how great power can corrupt, all right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I always say the way to determine how serious someone is about you the number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, even the good nice guy if he now becomes a man who has all kinds of beautiful women coming after him, he has all this access. Not all but there are many who will start to fall into behaviors that they wouldn't have before. Who will start to become more of a womanizer, who will start to enjoy all this access that they have, right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And the reality is that when we hear these stories this is not a story of the average man who just wants a relationship, looking for love, is genuine, maybe he doesn't get all the attention, maybe he's not the most desirable guy, but he's a good guy. but that's not where we're going to put our attention.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And it's the same thing with women when you hear men on the internet say women just want money, women just want money. Now, granted women value financial stability in men most, okay. And I think that most men should strive from some level of stability. However, there are tons of women dating broke men, all right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
There are tons of women who that is not their number one priority, it's a desire but they want to be loved, they want quality time, they want these other things. But again, if it's not being said by the audience that the men fixate so much on, they don't hear those voices.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
They just focus on the women who again, and I'm using the word desirables not because I'm determining what's desirable, I'm just laying out the people who get the most attention, who tend to get more attention for whatever reason right or wrong that's what happens in life. And so, we got to realize that they do not represent the majority.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And we have to ask ourselves sometimes are we focusing too much on the wrong group of people when we're trying to come to an understanding of the opposite sex.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Thank you for having me, man. Glad to be back.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Yeah, exactly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Absolutely, man. Always my pleasure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
It has everything to do with him trying to navigate this situation because of what he's either been advised or been through or whatever. So, that's why the key is if that same woman says to him listen, I'm not hearing from you as much as I want to. If you're going to date me I need to have constant you know, consistent communication we need to talk every single day.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Now, if he's really serious about her he'll call her every day. You give him the green light he's going to do it, you see. And if he's not serious about her then he will probably come up with excuses he'll dance around it whatever the case may be. But now you can run with that statement because it's been made clear to him.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
But there's so many underlying things going on and so many reasons especially when you consider the advice being given on the internet nowadays, all right. Like there is literally advice that tells people ignore someone if you want them more or want them to want you more, okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I think one of the biggest issues we have in this world right now is we are refusing to accept the differences between the average man and the average woman. Now, I say the average man, average woman because I understand there are exceptions to every rule, nothing applies 100%. However, we have very distinct differences that if we reject we're going to have conflict in relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Like literally when you understand what people are being fed then you start to realize it's not as simple as if they want to they would. No, talk to them first.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And then I always say the way to determine how serious someone is about you is not in seeing what they do on their own is seeing how they handle your expression of concerns and feelings, all right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
That's what's going to show you how not just how serious they are about you but how mature They are and they're emotionally ready to be in a relationship because someone who cannot hear you out is not ready for a real relationship, all right. But if they can sit, talk to you, listen, not dismiss and now make positive changes, all right, then it's all good.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
It is. But this is the unfortunate, harsh reality. because that portion is so small and because we overlook those types of issues, well, that's why we have so much unhealthy relationships. That's why we have such a high divorce rate. And I always tell people, people love to harbor on the divorce rate as an argument not to get married.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And I'm like, hold up, if we could quantify the breakup rate, it would probably make the divorce rate look like child's play, all right. People break up way more and so much trauma, so much hurt So, the reality is that yes, if we took this approach that said someone needs to be emotionally mature before we can enter in a relationship with them, relationships will plummet.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
There will be a lot less relationships. However, two things would happen from that. There would be more healthy relationships and people would start to realize this is an unacceptable trait that they're carrying with them.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
If people are experiencing where they can be dismissive, they cannot learn to be emotionally in tune and mature and intelligent enough to how to handle someone's feelings and concerns. Well, they will never understand the need to fix that, all right. And it's the same, it's that same issue like literally I was just coaching a married couple who they're going through it right now.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And one of the big issues is they're both very dismissive of each other when they're expressing their concerns, all right. So, it's like yeah, you can look past this if you want but you're going to pay a price. Is that price worth it? And most do not survive that. At some point you're going to have to learn it anyway, right. So, I just think yeah, I think it'd be best and I understand.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, one that comes to mind and I don't know, this is one I was recently talking about There's this push that people want to say women want sex as much as men, right? They want it just as much. That's an absolute lie, okay. As far as I'm concerned that's simply not true. Now, I once was at a conference... Well, not a conference. I was once flown into a...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I'm speaking idealistically, realistically most people are going to overlook this issue, most people are going to give a pass, right. But I think even if you're going to give a pass to a certain extent it needs to be discussed, it needs to be understood. And to your point I love that you said because I literally just did a video on my men's channel about
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
how to communicate with a woman more effectively. And one of the things I expressed was how listen, in that situation where she says I don't like the way your friends speak to me. You can still say I understand that's how you feel. I don't see it that way but let me try to understand why you feel that way. You see what I'm saying?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, I'm going to meet you where you are, I'm going to acknowledge your feelings, I'm still going to express my view is different than yours. But let's see if we can come to an understanding of this. That in itself would eliminate so many arguments. Totally, totally, yeah. So much conflict just by doing that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, I do think that men and women, everyone needs to understand we need to strive for that at the very least.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, there's nothing wrong with a type to a certain extent as long as you're not so married to that type to where there's no flexibility outside of that, all right. But I do think that at the end of the day and this may sound bad to some people but this is just the reality of it. The more desirable you are the more it becomes even necessary for you to have a type.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, the analogy I like to give is let's just say someone's applying at a job at Walmart and that's no shade to Walmart or anyone who works at a Walmart, right. But the reality is that to be a cashier at Walmart comes with less requirements, right. And not many people are all lining up to go work at Walmart. So, Walmart might get five applicants, right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
They can sit down with each applicant, they can be more flexible and see who fits the job. If Google is hiring for a six-figure or seven-figure position they're going to have thousands of applicants, right. There's going to be a greater level of requirement there has to be at this position. And now they can't sit down with every person they're going to have to weed them out.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And once upon a time how do they do that? They would eliminate you by the color of your resume, the font on your resume. forget your qualifications, okay. Just the mere presentation because they had to. They had to weed it down to a certain segment and then from there choose who's going to be best.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, in dating and relationships there's nothing wrong with honing in on your audience that you want to pull from. However, I think that... No, I think I know that connection can transcend our type. Okay, and I believe the key is always being open to connection in whatever package it comes.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Now, I want people to understand when I say whatever package it doesn't mean you won't be attracted to them, all right. It doesn't mean you're going to be disgusted by them any kind of way. It just means that plenty of people if not everyone even when having a type have found someone outside that box that they found attractive. all right, that they may even feel drawn to.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
You have to be open and flexible in that way, all right. And I think for me it's less about having such a strict type but more so fundamental principles. Like, I think attraction is important, all right. Communication is important. There's a level of... If you're into energy or you can pick up on people's energy that's going to be important. And to me those are foundational things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
it was one of those dating sites they had they brought a few experts in they had this presentation and there was a scientist who brought out this study that showed that quote unquote women want sex as much as men. And I told her I said I think there's something wrong here. I think what the study is doing is conflating intimacy with sex. And the reality is that women want intimacy, okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
It's less about what they got to be this tall or they have to have this type of job. But there are some core traits that there's nothing wrong with that. So, I do think for those that the type is working against it's because they might be too strict, there's no flexibility and they're also not understanding are you the type that the type wants?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Okay, so you can want your type all you want that's fine right, nothing wrong with that. But are you really tapping into the type of partner they would want? And it's not even are you willing and both can you sustain that, all right. Because there's a lot of people trying to present a certain kind of way to get this type of individual and they may get them but they can't keep it up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I'm going to give one example And again, it's never shade to any gender when I use them as an example but let's say there's a man who wants this ridiculously beautiful woman, right. Who is accustomed to the high life, all right. And having all kinds of men shower her with gifts and money.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And he knows one, he don't have money like that and two, he does not have the desire to keep up that lifestyle. But he's so infatuated with this woman he goes and he pulls out all the stops, fancy dinners, gifts, all these things and he gets her. But then after a few months the real him comes out and now he doesn't want to go to the nice restaurant. He doesn't want to take the nice trip.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
He thinks that bag is way too expensive now, okay. And now she's pissed off because it's like wait a minute you sold me on this and to him it's oh, you're ungrateful or you're... No, you tricked her. You tricked her and you tricked yourself because you were so fixated on this type and this person but you never questioned can you really be that? Are you really that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And can you keep that going for the rest of your life? And if you can't, all right, go to a different type, a different type of you know, person whatever that fits who you are. And it goes back to really understanding who you are, accepting it and embracing the type of people who fit that individual.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I always say if you had door number one, door number two. Door number one is just straight sex. Door number two is hugs, kisses, intimacy, all that. The majority of women are choosing door number two, the majority of men are choosing door number one.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
The reason why this is so important to accept and this is just one example of the built-in differences of who we are that we've got to learn to just accept it. Is because now if a man gets with a woman being told we are the same, we want sex the same way, he does not understand how to speak to her in a way that makes her sexually receptive to him.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
My instinct is to say no. 100% no. Yeah, I'm with you. I think, to be honest, there's a level of insecurity there. All right? Now, don't get me wrong. I do think when we love someone, there may be at least some part of us, right, that's going to have an eye open to all this attention you're getting. For sure.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
But to be bothered by it usually speaks to you not having a sureness in yourself, all right. And in the relationship. And in the relationship, exactly. And that's such a key. So, I want to give a quick story because I think this is... Please. Lines up perfectly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I once had a man he came to me he was having a problem in his marriage and his issue was his wife had this male best friend who she was showing all this attention to, okay. and he was like they would be arguing about this friend and she just doesn't want to let go of this friend and all these things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And I said well, listen, trying to argue against her friend when she's saying it's platonic, there's nothing there, you have nothing to worry about is a very difficult battle. let me ask you what's the quality of the relationship? And he's like, oh, it's not that great, we got some issues. I said okay, before we worry about this friend, let's focus on solidifying the relationship, all right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Let's make that strong, let's make that good and then see what happens. He hit me up, I want to say like three, four months later, he said man, your advice worked perfectly. Oh, I love that. By him shifting his focus to the relationship quality and fixing everything in there, the issue with the friend completely disappeared.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
She naturally was not showing the friend anymore attention like she was anymore, just everything fell into place. So, going back to your point about jealousy, yes, I feel people aren't being honest with themselves that they do not feel secure in their relationship for various reasons. And this attention that your partner is getting is a threat to you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
It is a threat that well, what if they like it so much they take someone up on their offer. All right, but if you really felt good about yourself in this relationship you're just not going to worry about it. And I think also it goes to a level of I'm going to use the word evolving in life and understanding that you cannot control everything.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, to me I just feel like and I have a feeling you're probably the same exact way. I'm not going to be worried about this attention you're getting because at the end of the day if you're going to do something wrong you're going to do it wrong. Me trying to police you it's a waste of my energy it is too stressful I don't want that life, all right. Do your thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Now, if you do something you're not supposed to do you will pay a consequence I will let you go. But I'm not going to sit here and check on this and watch this or you can't go here. Man, do what makes you happy enjoy yourself and I want you to live in your truth. I don't want to suppress you in any kind of way. And I'm going to bring this up and I'm just going to say this is a theory.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I'm not saying I'm accurate, but it's something for everyone to think about. So, talking about attention I do think that In most cases the dynamic is usually the woman getting a ton of attention and the man not knowing how to handle that. And there are a lot of men on the internet who like, they go in on these women who oh, you're always wanting this attention you're posting here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
There was even celebrities once that talked about something like that and they went in on her. Anyways, I have this theory or this question I was like, what if attention for women is like sexual desire for men? And what I mean by that is you'll hear men make the argument of well, I can have sex with these different women and it's nothing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
He thinks oh, if we just like sex we like sex if you're horny you're horny that's it and the story. And no, for the majority of women there is a mental and emotional component you have to be aware of. If she is in the wrong place, if she's overly stressed, if she's overwhelmed this can take away all her desire or willingness to engage sexually.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
It doesn't mean anything to me but they just enjoy the sex they would never leave the woman they love all these things and I'm not advocating for any cheating or anything I'm just explaining this dynamic.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Yes. Yeah. Well, that's how a lot of women view attention. She may enjoy attention, but she has no plan on entertaining any of those men. She will go back to her man, but she still likes to get a compliment. She likes to go out and hear people say, oh, you look good today. Oh my gosh, that dress is nice. But it's not because like she's this bad person. It just might be an inner desire. And...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Again, there's going to be different scales of that desire. There's going to be some women who don't want attention at all. They don't like it, right. But there's going to be others who love it. And I think sometimes we demonize these things and it goes back to understanding and respecting the differences between the genders and between individuals, okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And you, I think for a man or for a woman if you're dealing with that person what's important is to understand why they enjoy the attention. Where does that come from? Does it come from an inadequacy? Does it come from you not giving them attention? Are they starving at home so now they have to go outside to get it, right?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Or is it someone who just they feed off of that stuff, they love it, but again, it doesn't make them a bad person. But to go back to your question, I don't think you have to be jealous of someone to love them. I can love you to death and not get jealous, you know, because again, I'm not worried about it. But I do think when we do get a little bit jealous, that's also, like, it's just normal.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
But that goes back to the point, if you are looking to make them jealous is it because you're not getting what you need in this relationship in general?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Like, something is probably missing we're not... Because a lot of people will do things to just get a reaction out of their partner and it's because they want to see that you care. And if I have to see that you care that means you're not showing me in other ways or at least I'm not feeling it in other ways that you care. There's a disconnect there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, rather than jumping to the whole make them jealous because that's a dangerous game to play because what people don't realize is yes, you may have succeeded in making them jealous but you may have also planted a seed of insecurity. And now they have to worry do you really want someone else's attention and time? Are you entertaining someone else?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, by feeding this narrative that we are the same in all these ways we are not allowing ourselves to learn the differences, respect the differences and speak to those differences which will then allow us to have more harmony in relationships.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And so now, you got this initial great feeling of their jealousy but what's the backlash that comes from it later on? You see what I'm saying, what have you created? So, to me you got to go to the... It's always about getting to the real root of the issue. Why are we behaving in this way? Why are we trying to make this happen?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Now, I think there's some couples where they just playfully do these things it's not that serious to them, right. And that's fine, but you just want to make sure this is not coming from an unhealthy place because you're going to create a more unhealthy situation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Well, my initial response is going to be you don't communicate with them at all, you let them go but... Let's say you already gone too deep. Yeah, and we know it's not always that simple. So, and this is part of the problem of not understanding ourselves coming into it. Because the reality is that levels of communication or what each person needs is going to differ, right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Some people need a lot of communication, some not much. And so, when you're dealing with someone who cannot communicate, I do think you have to ask yourself one, if this is not going to change are you going to be okay? And also, which types of discussions are we unable to have? So, for example, if a woman or man wants to be able to have like political discussions with their partner, right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And their partner doesn't want to engage in that type of stuff. To me, that's not worth leaving them for. Now, of course everyone's different and if it's going to bother you to the point where it's going to affect your ability to show up in this relationship the way that you need to then you still should walk away regardless of what it means to me or how I view it or anyone else views it.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
However, I do think one of the things we're missing in many relationships is understanding how we can supplement certain things, right. So, you know how they say it takes a village to raise a child? I think it takes a village to have successful marriages and relationships. Because okay, maybe... And again, I'm just going to use the women as an example. Let's say you had something
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And I feel that if we could do that and really respect the other genders position on things and of course, you don't go in just assuming all these generalized things apply to each person. but they can be your basic foundation and then you learn that individual and understand okay, well with her maybe she does want sex more than I do, right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
stress what happened to you today, you want to call your husband, right? But he's busy right now and he's busy a lot and that can be very frustrating. Okay, well, maybe you can supplement it by talking to your mom first or your female friend. That way you can get all your frustration out, you can vent, he can do his thing and then when he has more time later you can do a quick recap.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And now that works for everybody, you see what I'm saying? But the problem is for some people when your partner is your whole world and you don't have any outlets, this creates a lot of frustration and conflict. So, I do think that's one when we consider the whole communication issue.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
But if we're having issues with discussing our relationship problems, things that need to be addressed, that is... It's hard for me to give any kind of work around that because if we can't discuss it how can we fix it? You see and so, of course I'm all for you know, trying to understand what this person's hesitancy is, why they struggle in this way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Because a lot of times it's not as simple as well, they just don't communicate. Totally. There's something going on maybe they feel like you're not going to listen to what they have to say they're used to being dismissed. Like, I have to throw out there I love women but women swear to the greatest communicators and a lot of times they're not, okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And they don't realize how in that moment because they're so... Women are so in tune with how they feel and they're so immersed in it that it's easy for them to become blind to how it's impacting someone else or how someone else is feeling in that same exact moment. See, when she's calm and cool she probably can pick up on things easy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Right, but when she's passionate when she's feeling strongly about something whatever she's frustrated that blocks a lot. And so, a lot of women don't realize in their discussions with their partners how negative they were how dismissive they were all these things and the dude shuts down. And so, going forward he doesn't want to talk about anything because to him it's pointless.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
This isn't going to go anywhere this is going to be you saying how you feel you're not going to listen to how I feel what's the point? It reminds me of how a lot of men don't want to go to counseling because they view counseling as a one-sided affair. The woman is going to say all the bad things that he does and when he tries to express himself it's going to be used against him.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, he's like what's the point? So, as a woman or a man because it can happen to both sides you have to start with am I creating an environment for healthy communication, period, all right. Because if you're not... Any attempts to pull out of them more communication is not going to work, all right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, start with checking yourself, checking your energy, checking your tone, how you're approaching things. I also think for people who are struggling to communicate consider doing it via letters, right. Some people struggle to talk But maybe if they can just write it down on their own time it's going to be so much easier for them. And then we can discuss the letters verbally, right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
But start with the writing and I think the writing is good even for those who can communicate verbally because it's so easy for us to get distracted, for people to deflect, for things to get just go off track in a verbal conversation. but in a letter where you get to sit down and make sure everything comes out, you're checking your tone.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Or with this one maybe she wants a little bit more of this. You are open and you are flexible but I think if people took that approach they would have better dating experiences, better relationships, much better marriages, all right.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Like, it's just a more full experience and then for the person when we listen, we tend to listen to rebuttal. When we read, we read to process. Okay, so it's a very different approach that we take mentally. So now it's easier for your partner to understand and take in what you got to say when they can read it and they can read it over and over and they can fixate on one part.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Okay, this might be what you mean. And now we can discuss it and dive deeper. I think that would unlock a lot of people's communication issues right there.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Because I can't tell you how many times I've spoken to a husband and I was like listen, emotionally, mentally she's not in the right place and he's like that sounds stupid. That doesn't make any sense, exactly. And because and I have to say to the women some of them create this dynamic where when they're dating she doesn't talk about those things being important to her.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And the reality is for some men, Certain things we just are not emotionally invested in or attached to in the way that she might be. And so, to her it's like, well, you should feel something about this. And like, no, I really don't. I don't see this any kind of way. I just want to go on with my day. And he may genuinely mean that. Yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And so again, it goes back to respecting the differences between the genders. We do not process the same, we do not feel the same a lot of times, right. So, that's going to lead to different levels of expression because there's not as much to express in certain situations. And it's just like again, you got to make sure you can be okay with that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
It's not even a right or wrong thing in many cases it's just okay, does that work for you or no? And if it doesn't it's going to cause a problem all right then maybe we are in the wrong relationship. But if otherwise all right then we can still work past this.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
She kind of plays along with the all right she just wants sex that much and she's just ready to go at it with him. So, he never learns and understands no, she needs more than that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Well, one thing I want to point out before I get to that is this. I think we have to start with understanding love is not relationship. We're conflating those two things and it's creating all kinds of issues and confusion, all right. Like, you'll hear people say well, everyone deserves to be loved. Okay, they can be loved by their mother, by their friends, by society, whoever.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
That doesn't mean you qualify for a relationship. And someone can love you or you can love someone. But if certain things aren't in place to have a successful relationship it still won't work. So, we have to understand that a breakup doesn't automatically mean someone doesn't love you nor does someone want to be in a relationship with you mean that they love you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Because a man or woman who wants to use you could want to be in a relationship with you could want to marry you it has nothing to do with love it's two separate things, all right. Now, with that understood what we have to understand when we're going through a breakup is One, all is not lost.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Like, we got to start there because it's so easy to feel like our whole world is now crumbling before our eyes. We're devastated how are we going to get past this? And it's like listen, all is not lost. There's been billions of people who have gone through a breakup and who have survived. But who all felt like in that moment they don't know how they're going to continue, okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
All right, so we can... Again, there's so many different examples I could give but I do think one of the key things to people not just meeting the... And I'll say... I'll get to that in a second but one of the key things to meeting the right person is just respecting the differences of men and women.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
We have to remember this is just a moment. Life is about moments, all right. If you let the moment get the best of you it can throw everything off. But when you can conquer that moment you're on the right track you can keep moving forward in a good direction. So, keep that in perspective but of course that's hard to do when you're still going through the breakup.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I also think going back to the point that I made is stop questioning if they love you, okay. Because that I think is what weighs on some people the most. It's like I gave them all this time and energy all these years and they didn't even love me it's like no, no, no, no. they could have still loved you, but there's another issue that exists here.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And what people... This goes back to unfortunately, I understand because I'm a coach and I've spoken to thousands of people and I've seen millions of situations. How much different issues play into why people do what they do, okay.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
But everyone is so used to the very surface level perspective of well, okay, if for example, if this person breaks up and they jump into a new relationship where clearly they never loved you. That's not true. Some people do that because they love you so much and they can't deal with the pain and they figure I need someone to distract me from this. So, they don't love the new person
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
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Okay, now granted could it be the other way around that they never loved you? That is possible, that is possible. But it isn't always what you think it is, all right. So, trying to dwell on and question if they love me it's not healthy because one, we cannot prove or disprove it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Now, piggybacking off of that the second thing is I think people are not having success in dating because people are not accepting who they are first, all right. Now, a lot of people may say you have to learn who you are, you have to figure it out. I think a lot of life is accepting who we are.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
There are things about us we know, but society makes us feel shamed about it, tells us there's something wrong with this, you know. And so, now we run away from certain realities of who we are. One example I'll give for myself, I'm extremely ambitious, maybe too ambitious. I don't know if there's a such thing, but I'm very, very ambitious.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And for me, I'm always striving for the next, I got to do more, I got to do more, I got to conquer the next thing. But for a long time I was told this was bad. Oh, you need to just enjoy the moment, celebrate it, stop worrying about the next thing, all these things. And I remember I took a month where I said okay, you know what, I'm not going to pursue anything else.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I'm just going to rest in what I have, be happy with it. and it was one of my most depressed months ever in my life, all right. I felt like a neutered dog like it was like you took all the fire out of me and when I finally got to a place of accepting okay, this is who I am and I'm wired this way for a reason. God created me this way because there's a purpose for me to carry out.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
. . . . . ., P P P P P P P P P P P P P,實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a sol a in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in in a. P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P PGà già già già già già già già già già già già già già già già già già già già già già già gà is great, it's amazing.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, just keep pushing forward, keep doing what you need to do, continue to be open to whatever you need to improve upon. Never get in a mindset of well, I'm great and the world is just ridiculous. It's like no, no, no. What can I continue to do better? What can I tweak? What adjustments can I make? Because sometimes it is a matter of a small adjustment that will make a huge difference.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And I think as long as you keep an open mind and you don't view not having the result right now as a defeat, right? You understand this is a process, you will get to your destination at some point.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Just go to my site, Stefan Speak Shop or my YouTube, you know, check me out. Hopefully I can connect with more and more people and just help as many people as possible. Find love and find just a better overall life. It's not just about relationship or at least it starts relationship with self, you know, and getting that right and everything else falling in place. Well, for me, self and God.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
how that then opens up the dating or how that creates better dating experiences that now by me knowing this part of me and accepting it I understand I can only choose someone who aligns with that. Yes. You see, but if I'm sitting here trying to be something I'm not then I'm picking these people who don't truly fit me and I don't fit them.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And that's why you have these relationships or even these marriages where people wake up five years later from this fog, this excitement they had of their partner to finally see what's really there and it's like, we don't really like each other. or we don't get along or we don't really fit well together and we're constantly in conflict with each other.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
So, if we would just first really put more energy into understanding who we are, accepting who we are and then we can then realize who we need to pick that aligns with that that would change the landscape. And not only would that change the landscape for so many people it would allow us to stop letting situations drag on longer than they should.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Because a lot of people they meet someone they really like them but they can sense something's missing or something's off. But the problem with people is that they're being told if you have this great person you can't pass that up, you see. If you don't have a very glaring reason that society deems as valid oh, well then you're being stupid or you're being ridiculous.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
It's like no, you have to trust your spirit, trust your intuition. Something is telling you and it's probably something that you can see but maybe you can't articulate it or again, you don't feel like it's valid enough. But I can tell you from my position those little things is what turns into a big thing later and destroys the whole relationship.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
But I'll say this, so you know we said understand the differences, understand yourself and the third one would be healing. I have to always mention that because I believe the number one issue that people are facing is a lack of healing.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And that plays into figuring yourself out because again, you... If you are operating out of a place of fear or shame or you've been told you weren't good enough or something about you wasn't good even though that wasn't the case well, that's going to make you struggle with embracing that.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Right, and if you aren't healed and you're carrying all these negative perceptions of relationships, love, because a lot of people with their words say I want love, but in reality they're scared of it, all right. They fear being that vulnerable. So, they actually subconsciously choose partners who don't make them too vulnerable, but they're good enough to be with so to speak.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
which is what I call the safe choice. Some people hear me say the safe choice and they misunderstand what I'm saying. I'm not saying safe as in this person creates a place of safety for you. I'm saying this person doesn't take you to the true level of love, true vulnerability.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
You're able to have emotional control and manage the situation but because of that you're never choosing someone you're really into and you can never be what they really need. And at some point, it's going to fall all apart. But it all goes back to healing.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
We've got to heal and not just heal from the romantic relationships, from childhood trauma, from everything, because it all contributes to our struggle to connect with other individuals.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
Yes, but... So, okay, I guess the reason why I'm hesitating in the way I answer that is when you say men today because I would argue it's probably always been like that. I just think that there's more ambitious women now and so there is this disconnect there. And I think that the disconnect though isn't simply based off of men not wanting an ambitious woman.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I think we got to go a lot deeper than that.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And the unfortunate reality is that and I want women to understand you know, again, I recognize that there are some women who genuinely are wired that way, all right. They... It feeds them the same way it feeds us it feeds them to be achieving to be doing stuff and I'm a firm believer I want women to walk in their truth whatever it is.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
I will say though there's at least a segment, a large segment of those women who are ambitious out of necessity or even fear. They've been told never rely on a man, they've been told you have to take care of yourself, right. And so, with that they chase this career
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
but it's actually at conflict with who they really are because deep inside they actually are the woman that values the family time more, being at the home and there's nothing wrong with that. But they have a segment of society telling them oh, you can't do that's wrong you need to be out there strong woman do your own thing.
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LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)
And so, those women will have a conflict in dating because they're already at conflict with themselves. Okay, and that has to be corrected. So, I always encourage women like listen, be real with yourself. There's a lot of women who they do the work that they do not because they love the work or having to work, but they love the lifestyle that affords them.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
All right, so number one, lack of healing. Lack of healing because lack of healing probably leads them to choosing the wrong person to begin with. which is the foundation for disaster because at that point everything else I'm about to mention you can't really work it out with this person because you're just not in alignment with them it's not a good fit.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
And so, a lot of people are trying to make things work with someone they just can't match up with properly, you know. Is that trauma bonding or what is that? How is that playing a part?
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
Some of it is trauma bonding some of it is individual... So, what's happening is this phenomena if you want to call it that people are choosing individuals that are quote, unquote good enough to be with but they don't really make them feel deeply about them. Because if I'm a man or a woman and I've been hurt before and I've been hurt when I let my heart out completely I fear being that vulnerable.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
So, now You don't really ever learn how to not feel deeply about someone if they're just that person but people learn who I can deal with and not fall deeply for. So, okay, I can be with this person and maintain emotional control they don't take me there so I don't ever feel like I'm too vulnerable in this situation. Do you think a lot of women choose the safe guy as opposed to the right guy?
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
Absolutely and the safe choice is almost always if not always the wrong choice. Oh, man. Why is a safe choice always the wrong choice for a woman? So, think about it in order for it to be safe it means you are not deeply invested. You may be invested it may be deep compared to certain people's perceptions of deep but it's not as deep as you know you can go.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
it's not as deep to where you feel like you'll be devastated by it. So, you're starting from a deficit as far as I'm not fully into this, I'm not fully into this guy but again, he may be good enough for me to work with and try to be with. But because you already have a built-in void so what happens is this, she chooses this man she's not really into him let's say she's not that attracted to him.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
And it's not that he's not a good looking guy she's just not attracted to him that like that. Well, because you don't have that attraction you're not going to pour into him at the same level that he needs you to.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
You won't be as intimate with him you may not talk to him the way that he wants to be talked to you're not going to give him the same energy that you would someone you're actually very much attracted to. Well, that void initially he may not catch on to that or let that bother him because if he is indeed
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
a man who is of a lower position than her or lower quality than her he may just be happy to have this woman oh my gosh I can't believe I have her so he's infatuated he's going in he's blinded by his desires for her but at some point the smoke clears And then he realizes wait a minute okay, I have her but I'm not being treated the way I want to be treated. I'm getting walked all over.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
Exactly, it's all about her. Yes, I don't get the respect that I deserve here and here's what's crazy. When that woman dates that man who she's not really into like that and let's just say she dates down. Well, she just raised his stock to every other woman that's watching this. That's true. They're looking and they're saying how did he get her? What does he have? He must have something.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
He must have something. Big pockets. Big something else. Big something else, yeah. So power something. Now these women want to find out.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
Yes, and even if it's not of a lower quality if as a man you are seen with an attractive woman a high quality woman a desirable woman you become more desirable to other women. I've talked to friends where they've even gone to clubs they'll go there with a woman and they'll get more attention.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
And when that woman walks away some of these women will try to slide in and slip in a number here and there. Why do women do this?
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
Well, so it starts with the fact that women have this perception that quality men are, they're not in abundance out here. They're scarce. Yes, they're very scarce. So, when you come across one or you think you come across one, a lot of them have the mentality of, oh, no, I have to try to get my foot in the door and see if I can get this for myself.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
If they thought it was abundant out there, then they'd be less pressed to do that. But what happens if a guy, okay...
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
It depends. I think there are some women who convince themselves... There's plenty of women who have taken a man from a woman or who have accepted that man leaving one woman for her and to her, she's good. As long as she's getting what she needs, she's good. But I do think that in the back of their head, Once something starts to go wrong, that's when those thoughts start to creep in.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
I wonder if he's talking to someone else. Why isn't he giving me the attention anymore? Exactly. And now, and I think it's even more likely that someone who knows about the situation will remind her, well, you got him this way, so you might lose him the same. And now the insecurities really start to kick in and it starts to become a huge problem.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
I'm going to say spiritual attraction. More than sexual attraction. But I'm saying that with hesitancy. You're pausing. I'm not 100%. The only reason why I'm leaning towards spiritual is because I believe that women value intimacy, non-sexual intimacy way more than actual just raw sex, okay.
The School of Greatness
3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
So, if you had door number one hugs, kisses, caresses, you know, being emotionally available, door number two just straight sex. Women are choosing, most women are choosing door number one, most men are choosing door number two.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
And so, because of that value for the deeper levels of intimacy I feel like spiritual attraction kind of fortifies that whereas sexual attraction may not get them those things. So, that's why I would pick spiritual attraction.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
I would say they would have to become their most confident, masculine self. whatever that looks like. It's going to look different for every guy but at the foundation of it there must be confidence in who he is and he must exude that masculine energy. Not saying there aren't men who can't get them a loving partner not being the most masculine dude, but
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
you have a better chance at achieving it when you can walk in your masculine energy that's the power of the man.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
Well, I think lacking confidence it undermines the masculine energy. It's hard to be that masculine presence if you are lacking in self-esteem, lacking in self-respect. The things you're going to allow a woman to get away with is going to start to lose cause her to lose attraction for you.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
So, it's almost like if you become her yes man a lot of women don't want a yes man most women don't want a yes man. It might sound good to some initially but over time she gets tired of the fact that you can't think for yourself that you aren't giving your own perspective that you aren't confident enough to stand in your own vision and your plan. So,
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
that immediately takes you out of your masculine energy because now you're trying to become so accommodating to the point that you've lost yourself in that process and that doesn't work well in the long term.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
I mean think whenever you hear stories of nice guys being run over and getting played it usually involves this man who is just trying to do everything the woman wants and just putting all his desires aside to make her happy that doesn't work not like that it doesn't.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
Yes, but the safety, So, the safety that's being achieved by picking the safe choice is I don't have to be too vulnerable in this relationship. So, I'm able to guard myself from devastating hurt and disappointment that I've probably experienced at least once before at least at a level that I felt like I don't ever want to go there again.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
That's very different than the man who she is completely invested in, completely in love with and he understands the need to provide safety and security for her. The need to make the situation or the relationship more stable for her where she can rest in her feminine energy so to speak while she's with him. That's two different types of safety. So, it's like okay, if you choose a safe man
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
And that's the big one.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
it's a situation where she feels like he wants me or he loves me more than i do him and that's where they feel like it is safe but again it doesn't work in the long run never yeah i want to say never never i should never say never but i would just use that word because if someone if you are in a relationship like that and maybe you're not even conscious that you're doing it in the beginning but you realize a year two years in okay
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
Well, so it's a tricky place because at that point, it's hard for them to fully express what's going on. Like one of the things I tell women is that one of the worst positions to be in is with a man you're not truly in love well, with a good man you're not truly in love with. Why is that the worst position? Because at that point if she's feeling empty she's feeling bored she's feeling unsatisfied
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
who can she run to and say this to that won't say but wait a minute you have a great man you can't do that oh, just work... Like, no one's going to say oh, yeah you know what I get it just walk away. Now, I won't say no one but most people aren't going to allow that to be a good enough reason for her to walk away.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
So, she knows she's going to get pushback from people but not just pushback from people from her own self. It's like okay, wait a minute do I leave this great guy who loves me so much
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
which is so safe here even though I'm not really that happy I'm not fulfilled or maybe I'm not that attracted to him that's a tough position to be in because it's like it would be so much easier if he cheated on her it'd be so much easier if he was abusive or something then she can easily validate oh, okay I got to go.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
And that's why some women in that situation what they do is try to create turmoil. Drama. Yes, they're trying to find something to give them the exit to say okay, I don't have to be here anymore. or to make that man want to leave them. And in fairness this happens on both sides but I've literally talked to clients who the only reason they cheated hoping it would make their partner leave them.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
Oh, my gosh. Because what was happening was in this instance she was trying to tell the guy over and over I don't want to be here. But again, he's this good guy I love you I don't want to lose you. I'll do whatever you need, I'll change. And out of guilt and sympathy she stays with him.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
But she's so not happy so now she's thinking okay, he won't leave me even when I tell him I don't want to do this anymore. Even when I tell him this is not working so what can I do? And some will actually cheat on purpose let the man find out hoping he would finally let go and in some cases he still doesn't let go.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
He gets cheated on and he still wants to work it out with her and she feels trapped. And so, it just continues like it's just a never-ending cycle until either one of them finally gets tired of it or I don't know just it just it's crazy.
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
It's the same answer for the women in reverse. It's walking in their true, feminine, confident self, whoever they really are, but being that best version of themselves.
The School of Greatness
3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
to what you were saying it can't be find a man who you can be feminine with it has to be be your feminine self first and you'll be able to attract the man that you can continue to be feminine with or that will honor respect and value your feminine energy and protect your feminine energy that's what you want but what's happening to so many women is
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3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
they become detached from their femininity or they're viewing it in a negative way they're viewing it as weakness as when I'm feminine I get played I get taken advantage of. And so, the mindset is if I find the right man I can be that.
The School of Greatness
3 Mindset Shifts To Completely Transform Your Life & Relationships
So, you hear a lot of women say well, I am feminine in a relationship the problem is he can't see that far in to know that he wants to get in a relationship with you.