What’s a recent rejection you faced? What keeps you going after rejection? Today, Jay takes us inside the iHeart Studio at the Doha Web Summit for a candid, unfiltered conversation with his best friend of nearly two decades, Nanda. Nanda joins Jay for an impromptu discussion that takes us on a journey through their friendship, personal growth, and the pivotal moments that have shaped their lives. Jay and Nanda reflect on the transitions that defined them—from Jay’s life as a monk and the challenges of reintegration into the corporate world, to Nanda’s bold decision to leave his successful career in law to pursue his true passion. They dive deep into the importance of humility, resilience, and self-awareness, sharing powerful lessons on navigating failure, taking risks, and reinventing oneself with purpose. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Overcome Career Transitions and Reinvent Yourself How to Handle Failure and Rejection with Resilience How to Develop a Winner’s Mindset Without Burnout How to Balance Ambition with Spirituality How to Make Big Life Decisions with Confidence Your journey is unfolding exactly as it should—every challenge, every transition, and every unexpected twist is shaping you into the person you're meant to become. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 03:13 19 Years of Friendship 04:05 How It Feels to Restart Your life 07:12 The Beast Mindset 09:30 Humans Function in 2 Ways 12:38 Taking a Risk for a Career Shift 19:00 Failure to Success Mindset 21:35 Start Investing in Yourself 24:55 How to Raise Resilient Kids 27:50 Your Life Becomes the Stories 31:48 Navigating Male Friendships 36:19 The Winner's Mindset 38:39 Living in the Spirit of Gratitude 42:04 Pause to Celebrate SuccessSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: How did Jay Shetty and Nanda's friendship begin and evolve?
Hello everyone outside. We've never done this before ever, which is awesome. And I'm really excited because my best friend of nearly the last two decades now is in the house. He recently moved to Dubai. We're in Doha. He's flown over so that we can hang out because we now need to schedule our hangouts because that's what happens with adult friendships.
And I'm so grateful because I thought I'd invite him on the show today so that we can share some of the most pivotal moments of our friendship, careers, life over the last two decades. And I thought it would be a special treat for you. So welcome to the episode, Nanda, who is in the studio with me. Nanda, thanks for joining me.
Thanks so much, Jay. I can't believe that we've known each other for 19 years and we speak probably three times a week and you choose to drop about half an hour ago that I'd like to bring you onto the podcast. Yeah. Like, give me an opportunity to prepare. This is my big moment. And literally, I'm eating a burger. And you're like, actually, I think you should come on the podcast, Nanda.
That's exactly what happened. We were having a casual conversation, even though we have three casual conversations a week. And I was just like, yeah, you know, it'd be really fun. We've never done this before. And it would be a really good idea. And I thought it'd be fresh for my amazing community to hear about
our friendship, life, the journey that we've both been on, the journey that I've been on through your perspective. And yes, just so everyone knows, Nanda's had no time to prepare. We both came up with this. Well, no, he didn't come up with this idea. I came up with this idea 30 minutes ago and here we are. So let's dive in. I've known Nanda ever since before I became a monk.
And I remember actually saying that to you. I wanted to do that. I then even talked to you when I was leaving the monastery. and all the challenges of reintegration of my health and everything else, all the way through to, which we'll talk about some of these events of spending time in New York together in the early stages of my career, LA, and now all the way through to Dubai and Doha.
And so where should we start, Nanda?
Well, it's just incredible to think 19 years is a long, long time. And I certainly remember the first time I did meet you back in 2006. And yeah, that journey that you just talked about. The thing that just jumps to me is I think people already know a little bit about your desire to become a monk. And when I first met you, you were out of the box thinker.
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Chapter 2: What challenges did Jay face after leaving the monastery?
You were like, okay, I know I can crush it in the corporate world, but I want to do something different. So I really want to start with when you left the ashram. And the reason I want to start with that is because I remember that conversation very, very clearly. You were heartbroken because you went in with a very clear idea of I'm doing this for life. Like I'm signed up.
We've spoken about it many times before. For those of you that don't know Jay, he's an all or nothing guy. So a real extremist in the sense of if I'm going to achieve something, I'm going to go all in. So I want you to really share, how did that feel?
Because I guess that was the first inverted commas failure for something that was really core to who you were and what you wanted to do as you're offering to the world.
Well, I want people to know also that now we're friends, but in the beginning of our relationship, you were my mentor because you'd been practicing spirituality for far longer than me. And so when I first came in, you were someone that I turned to for advice. And of course, I still do that today as a friend. But at that time, it was very much so...
you were sharing with me experience, insight, and so it was natural for me to come to you at that time. And I've always described it like a divorce, because I think that's the only analogy that makes sense for someone who doesn't know what it feels like to become a monk and leave. It feels like I got married for three years to the love of my life,
And then I figured out that it wasn't going to last and that it wasn't going to work. So the heartbreak you'd feel from a breakup or a divorce is the heartbreak I felt from leaving the monastery. Because let me paint a picture for everyone. I really didn't know what I was going to do. I think a lot of people feel like I had a plan or I had a strategy or I knew what I was going to do.
I had no clue. And if I'm completely honest, I was really scared about going back to the workplace because I was worried. I was thinking, wait a minute, do I have to go back into consulting or finance or business because that's what I would have done? Will I be able to make it in that space? How will I be able to survive?
100%.
Right? It wasn't like I came back to a fanfare of... No, there wasn't.
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Chapter 3: How can you maintain resilience in the face of career rejection?
Yeah, it's a really fine point you brought out. And it's challenging because I think we operate from two places as humans. One is passive.
Yes.
And so we're like, oh, it will happen when it happens. If the universe provides... it will work out just the way it's meant to. And we say these phrases, but beneath them, there's a insecurity and an uncertainty. And the opposite way we function as humans is we're pressured. So we think, oh my gosh, that person's already sold their company and they're only 35.
And oh my gosh, that person just made $100,000 doing that. And oh my God, so there's pressure. So we either function from being passive, it will happen when it's happened, Or pressure, oh my God, it's not happening for me. And what I found is that pressure doesn't attract success and joy. And being passive doesn't attract success and joy. And the only place that does is peace.
And peace is me saying, I'm going to do everything I can and then leave the result up to what the universe is, what God wants, whatever the energy is around me. But I'm going to do everything I possibly can. And it goes back to your point. And by the way, I've seen you do this. And I think it's important to talk about it through stories that people may not be familiar with.
You were a really successful lawyer. You were doing great.
I was.
And you decided that it wasn't fulfilling you. And I actually want to ask you about that because I think there may be a lot of people listening right now who are doing something where they studied for it. They were educated for it. They worked hard for it. Their parents maybe even were really impressed that they did it.
And now they're at an age where they're going, I think I want to change my career. Like, I don't think this satisfies me anymore. And it's harder when you've done something like law, which took years of training, years of building up. How did you get comfortable
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Chapter 4: Why did Nanda decide to change his career from law to coaching?
Yes.
We usually feel, oh no, I'm going to feel like I failed. So I might as well just set a lower standard. Exactly. And one thing I've noticed in high performers that I really appreciate is high standards matched with high grace.
Yes.
And so if you look at the best people in the world, like I love this commencement speech that Roger Federer just gave. I'm sure you saw it. And he talks about how in his career, he's lost a ridiculous amount of points. I can't remember the exact number, but he's lost a ridiculous amount of points, like almost 40% of points or 45% of points.
And you think, wait a minute, how could one of the greatest have lost 45% of points? And he says, because all I've got to do when I lose a point is focus on the next one.
And he said, if I sit there and I'm constantly thinking about the last point and how I should have responded and how I should have hit it and how I should have placed it, now all of a sudden my attention's gone on the next point and now I've lost the next point. And that just continues.
So I love that idea that greatness came from having a high expectation of winning every point, but then having enough grace to say, actually, if I focus on the last point, I'm going to lose the next point as well.
Yeah. And I think it's interesting that, you know, you were moved by that commencement speech because every single commencement speech follows that same pattern, if you've noticed. Yes. Right. It is failure to success. And yet somehow we are surprised that all of these people have failed. And it's the same for me. It's like if people think, well, Jay's failed.
I'm like, yeah, he's had like crushing blows along the way. But he kept going. And it's interesting, like law, you know, there's a real perfectionist mindset. It comes from a strong academic background. And so that is what you're judged on. And so you're not meant to make mistakes. But as we all know, mistakes are how you make the journey.
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Chapter 5: How do you successfully transition between careers?
Yes.
Do you stay at this place? Do you network for a promotion? Do you take on extracurricular? Do you quit your job and get promoted somewhere else? Do you switch? Do you... All of a sudden, at 21 years old, it's like, well, now we're not going to tell you what to do for the next 50 years. And so I think everyone... is at a disadvantage.
Yes.
Because you haven't had to use your brain for all of those years. All of a sudden, you have to use your brain and now you're scared. So you're asking everyone around you, what should I do? Is this the right path for me? Should I quit my job? Should I get married? Should I not? Right? And that confusion, I have a lot of empathy because of that, because we weren't made to make decisions early enough.
Now, I'm not saying that a four-year-old should be deciding what they're studying at university. That's not the point. But there has to start becoming... a little bit of ownership about direction and about choice because that's how you build confidence in yourself. So most of us have never made a major life decision until 25, 30 years old.
No wonder we're crippled by the anxiety and the stress and the pressure that comes with that because you didn't have to think about anything that was that complicated. for like 18 years.
It actually links really well to the discussion we were having last night around, so as I mentioned, I've got two kids. And, you know, the question is, how do you raise kids in this world? Oh, yeah.
It was a really fascinating discussion, this idea of pushing them to take responsibility, you know, not remaining under the shelter of your parents, because although it's going to be uncomfortable for them, That's the only way they're going to learn.
That's the way you're going to get the life skills to be an independent thinker, to be someone who's really going to go out and be able to make those difficult decisions. Also, self-awareness. Yes, you can get through a psychometric, but the real self-awareness is going to come through challenges.
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Chapter 6: What role does friendship play in personal and professional growth?
And what are your thoughts on male friendship and how you strengthen that bond? Because I think a lot of men are feeling lonely right now in the world.
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Yeah. So, you know, the definition of kind of the modern man is like a hotly contested debate and just this idea of vulnerability. For me, I think I was naturally wired like that. Like I like honesty and transparency. And, you know, if you're sincerely asking, I don't see why I wouldn't be open. Actually, I think I've learned the opposite. I think I was probably too open in this world to
And so something that I've learned over time is you can't place 100% faith and trust in someone when you meet them for the first time. You know, it's a process that you have to build over time.
That's a hard lesson as well.
It is a hard lesson because and it's a painful lesson. But we spoke about this in the past as well. Like, you know, would you want it the other way? Would you want to be so closed and then gradually, gradually open up? I feel like, yes, there's a risk to the way that I am. People may judge me for being open about things.
But actually, I think it's the way forward because it's what feels natural for me. And obviously, as I've got older, it's about understanding the right people, the right time, the right place. And ultimately... Am I being vulnerable to serve that person? Because one thing I've learned with coaching is sometimes people are vulnerable really just to unload, right? And it shouldn't be about that.
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