Nanda
Appearances
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
You then take the other leap.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I mean, if you've got a mortgage to pay, absolutely. But I think this point around understanding the difference between your self-awareness and external feedback and getting that balance right. Because, yeah, we can amp things up in our own head and we can think we're the greatest speaker in the world. I'm the greatest coach or the greatest podcast host.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
But actually, the validation, of course, comes from the outside world. And, you know, if you're doing a good job, you're going to find out very quickly. I think you're going to find out quickly, but you're also going to feel really good. For me, like even if I was doing a good job in law, I didn't feel good. So that for me, that internal compass was always very clear.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
This wasn't what I was meant to be doing. And we speak about this all the time in terms of finding purpose. And it's a big pressure. Like people come up all the time saying, how do I find my purpose? But it very much is a journey and it's not going to be something that you sit down one day, meditate and have that aha moment. Like you've got to go and do things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And you've got to be aware of like, what have I been doing? So you'd always say to me, actually, Nanda, as long as I've known you, you've always been doing public speaking, right? Like whether through... When I met you, that's what you're doing. Exactly. So that was my go-to. So it was an easy thing for me to do.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So it's actually knowing that and then having someone to validate that and support you along the way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah. And I think it's interesting that, you know, you were moved by that commencement speech because every single commencement speech follows that same pattern, if you've noticed. Yes. Right. It is failure to success. And yet somehow we are surprised that all of these people have failed. And it's the same for me. It's like if people think, well, Jay's failed.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I'm like, yeah, he's had like crushing blows along the way. But he kept going. And it's interesting, like law, you know, there's a real perfectionist mindset. It comes from a strong academic background. And so that is what you're judged on. And so you're not meant to make mistakes. But as we all know, mistakes are how you make the journey.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
By the way, just in case my former employers are listening, I wasn't meant to have been gone for an hour, right? I think it was probably meant to be a client meeting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
You had done your, you know, you were thinking about doing your coaching diploma or you'd just done it at that particular point. And I just remember this idea of you need to invest in yourself in order to move forward. So at the time, you were really getting into psychometrics, right? It was DISC was the one that you would be rolling out constantly. And then it was MBTI.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And more recently, as you know, I just got qualified in a particular one. And what I loved about that was it showed me that validation is very important to me. So even from a personality perspective, that is important to me. So how do I process that information?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I should be aware that I'm going to be looking for that validation, but also know that potentially it could trip me up because if I don't get that validation, what do I do? Do I stop? So I think, you know, really investing in yourself is so critical. And we were taught it obviously from a spiritual perspective from a young age as we were coming through the monastery and so on.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
But even in normal business life, The moment you stop learning and growing, I think is the moment you start to feel like you're losing momentum in life and lose that joy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
It actually links really well to the discussion we were having last night around, so as I mentioned, I've got two kids. And, you know, the question is, how do you raise kids in this world? Oh, yeah.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
It was a really fascinating discussion, this idea of pushing them to take responsibility, you know, not remaining under the shelter of your parents, because although it's going to be uncomfortable for them, That's the only way they're going to learn.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
That's the way you're going to get the life skills to be an independent thinker, to be someone who's really going to go out and be able to make those difficult decisions. Also, self-awareness. Yes, you can get through a psychometric, but the real self-awareness is going to come through challenges.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And putting yourself in situations like, am I going to sink or swim? So I remember you saying this to me when I was talking about my own son. It was like, no, there's got to be a certain degree of challenge. He needs to know that if he falls, you're there to catch him, but you're not there like holding him.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Because otherwise he's not going to learn to stand.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I think it was a banana from Whole Foods. So Jay's cooking skills are awful. My cooking skills are one tier below that. So we were just having a conversation. No, I think we're on the same level. Okay, yeah. I mean, I could pick out the banana. But no, I was coming out to New York and I was expecting like, you know, the Huffington Post thing had just happened.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
It was actually, it was a beautiful apartment. Like it was, you know, it was a one bed. It was nice. Like 500 square feet. Yeah, it was cozy. I think is the right way to define it. But yeah, I was there. I was there sleeping on your couch. And it's beautiful to think where you've come from that particular point. But go on, you were going to say there was something particularly about that meeting.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Thanks so much, Jay. I can't believe that we've known each other for 19 years and we speak probably three times a week and you choose to drop about half an hour ago that I'd like to bring you onto the podcast. Yeah. Like, give me an opportunity to prepare. This is my big moment. And literally, I'm eating a burger. And you're like, actually, I think you should come on the podcast, Nanda.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah. So, you know, the definition of kind of the modern man is like a hotly contested debate and just this idea of vulnerability. For me, I think I was naturally wired like that. Like I like honesty and transparency. And, you know, if you're sincerely asking, I don't see why I wouldn't be open. Actually, I think I've learned the opposite. I think I was probably too open in this world to
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And so something that I've learned over time is you can't place 100% faith and trust in someone when you meet them for the first time. You know, it's a process that you have to build over time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
It is a hard lesson because and it's a painful lesson. But we spoke about this in the past as well. Like, you know, would you want it the other way? Would you want to be so closed and then gradually, gradually open up? I feel like, yes, there's a risk to the way that I am. People may judge me for being open about things.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
But actually, I think it's the way forward because it's what feels natural for me. And obviously, as I've got older, it's about understanding the right people, the right time, the right place. And ultimately... Am I being vulnerable to serve that person? Because one thing I've learned with coaching is sometimes people are vulnerable really just to unload, right? And it shouldn't be about that.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
It should be very much about, I'm trying to serve that person. If I can be relatable and show them I'm not on a pedestal, I've gone through similar challenges, but this isn't about me, it's about you. I think that can be really helpful. And you don't need to be a coach for that. I'm talking about basic, because you talked about friendships. I think that's where friendship comes from.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
How do you reconcile that winner's mindset and that drive and that ambition with the spiritual principles that you live by? Because people externally would feel like that's a real contradiction. So how do you do that?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
But also the money is God's energy.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And therefore can be used in service just like everything else. But I wanted to talk about how do you continue to live in that spirit of gratitude? Like all of the achievements I've witnessed really since, well, when did it all kick off? 2016, I guess. So like in the last nine years. Every single time there'd be something huge happen, like a huge guest comes onto the podcast.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I would always say to you, bro, like, this is nuts. Like, this is nuts. Remember, we're in New York. Like, this is nuts. And you would always come back and say, yeah, bro, this is just the beginning. Like, that is your line. This is just the beginning. So I really want to tap because I don't know when I'm ever going to get this opportunity again.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
But to tap into that mindset of this is just the beginning. What does that mean for you? And where do you get that consistent drive and determination? Because on one level, you've made it, right? You have a great family. You've got great friends, including me. You've got everything that you need. But you continue to reinvent yourself. So what is your driver? Where does that come from?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I've got to have the same hunger.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah, I mean, you're absolutely right. And I've seen that if you get too comfortable in any given situation, very quickly that dies and you just have to keep doing different things. What I wanted to ask about that was how do you go and apply that? So I think for you, people listening may think, well, Jay, that's all right for you because every month you seem to have another epic moment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And yeah, sure, you can reflect back on 18-year-old Jay. So practically, what does that look like for someone? And you gave an insight into that. Maybe it's your partner or your kid's eyes or, you know, the view of just, you know, walking past the tree that you see every single day with gratitude. But essentially is what we're saying.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
It is having real gratitude for what you have and zoning into that in a real way.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Well, it's just incredible to think 19 years is a long, long time. And I certainly remember the first time I did meet you back in 2006. And yeah, that journey that you just talked about. The thing that just jumps to me is I think people already know a little bit about your desire to become a monk. And when I first met you, you were out of the box thinker.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
But do you feel that you do celebrate your successes? So we talk about football a lot and we talk about sport generally quite a lot. And we talk about, you know, world champions who have won Premier League after Premier League and they say they lifted the cup and then immediately it was like, I enjoyed it for like 10 seconds and then it was on to the next thing.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So what does it mean to celebrate success? How do you celebrate success?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
No, I didn't know. That's what I mean. You've done it as in that you've hit the cap.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Main stage weights, man.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
You were like, okay, I know I can crush it in the corporate world, but I want to do something different. So I really want to start with when you left the ashram. And the reason I want to start with that is because I remember that conversation very, very clearly. You were heartbroken because you went in with a very clear idea of I'm doing this for life. Like I'm signed up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
We've spoken about it many times before. For those of you that don't know Jay, he's an all or nothing guy. So a real extremist in the sense of if I'm going to achieve something, I'm going to go all in. So I want you to really share, how did that feel?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Because I guess that was the first inverted commas failure for something that was really core to who you were and what you wanted to do as you're offering to the world.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah. In a bizarre way, there were certainly some people that were like, oh, really? You think you can do this? And so when you didn't end up doing it because of the health challenges and other reasons that came up...
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
it yeah I'm sure it would have been a real kick in the face and I think I mean we speak about this all the time in terms of plot twist but the way the journey has then unfolded is is really remarkable but I certainly remember those early days where it was like I just need to pay my bills like what am I going to do like what is what is my core skill set here and I'm sure you've shared it in other places but all the different jobs you're applying to all the rejections you got and
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Yeah, we read it in books all the time, but this is real. This is real life. And for me, it's been an inspiration seeing you on this journey. And one of the things I want to talk about in this podcast, in the five minutes you gave me to prepare, was this idea of the beast mindset that you can clock into. And we speak about this all the time.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Jay has this belief that everyone can unlock this part of their brain that really fulfills their potential. And I think that in those times of challenge, that's when your back was against the wall. You really found out who you were. And I guess you also found out who your friends were in that moment.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
But one of the interesting things about that is in order to knock on doors, you need humility because the likelihood is you're going to knock on the door and it's not going to open. It's going to take that much. And in the monastery, obviously we focus very much on the principle of humility. And again, it sounds great in the books, but can you actually live it?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
Like if this is really my service in life. And I'm obviously thinking about it now, like I transitioned from law to what I'm doing now, which is as a leadership coach and an entrepreneur and trying to sell. That's not natural to me. It's really uncomfortable, actually. And the reason it's uncomfortable is because I have to go to people and say, Would you like my service?
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I'm very happy to provide the service. But yeah, I think it requires real humility and continuing to do it, not from a place of desperation, but really from a place of service. And I think you nailed that. And that's why, as we say, the universe reciprocated.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
It was a huge risk. And it was in terms of the investment, the sunk cost was a three-year law degree, a one-year LPC, a two-year training contract, and then 10 years post-qualified in law. So that's a lot of years of studying to try and become a specialist in something. And at that point, I think two things happen. You get the golden handcuffs, i.e. the salary goes up.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And whilst the salary is going up, your standard of living has also gone up. So you've then got the mortgage. As you know, at that point, I was already married with two kids as well. So it was a huge risk.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
But I think it came, I mean, I certainly got some courage from you and I'm really grateful for those walks around central London when you were in that period of transition and you were encouraging me. And I remember you specifically saying, hey, Nanda, you know, when you're at your best is when you're talking to people and when you're coaching people and when you're public speaking.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So why don't you do that? And I'm like, bro, that's not a career. Yeah. That's not a career. Unless I'm speaking in court, that's not a career. So you really helped me think outside of the box and you touched on the cultural nuances. I mean, you joke about it all the time, right? Like as an Indian, it's a doctor, a lawyer. What's the third one? Or a failure, right? Exactly.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So you were already winning. I was already winning in life. My mom was happy. My dad was happy. My grandparents were happy. Like I was the chosen one when I'd go to family events. And all of a sudden, What I found was they were resisting the change, not because they didn't love me, but simply because they'd also come to the country. And so security was their primary driver.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
So out of love, they were like, why would you want to do this? You're now so close to where you ultimately want to be. But of course, I think that's where spirituality really comes in because it makes us think about, well, where do we really want to be? And what really makes us thrive? So in my case, I found a huge amount of courage from the fact that
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
The bits that I enjoyed in law were like when I would talk to clients or when I would do conferences within the legal industry or business development. People, people, people. So I was like, okay, I like it. Fortunately enough, I managed to go down to a four-day week. On my non-working day, I worked. And I got myself qualified as an ICF accredited coach.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
I started working and I got the feedback, the validation to say, this is a runner, this can work. And so, yeah, the rest is history, but it wasn't easy by any means. But I often say you need cheerleaders around you at that time because self-doubt is going to be All over you.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
All You Need is 1 YES (How To Push Through Rejection)
And so I'm so grateful to you because I really feel like you were a pivotal person, just as I was a pivotal person for you when you were younger. At that particular time, you reciprocated tenfold because you were there for me and made me believe it's possible.