On Purpose with Jay Shetty
30-Day Breakup Detox to Reclaim Your Life & Rebuild Your Confidence
Fri, 21 Feb 2025
Are you holding onto a breakup that’s draining your energy? Do you ever catch yourself replaying old memories or struggling to move on after a breakup? Today, Jay will break down a powerful 30-day No Contact Reinvention Challenge designed to help you heal, grow, and rebuild your confidence. If you’ve ever felt lost, stuck, or unsure how to move forward, this episode is your guide to turning heartbreak into transformation. Jay reveals practical steps to help you shift your focus, break emotional patterns, and create a new version of yourself—one that is stronger, wiser, and more fulfilled. From cutting out breakup songs and sad movies to replacing old habits with new adventures, this challenge is all about reclaiming your life. In this episode, you’ll learn: How to Let Go of the Past and Reinvent Yourself. The Five-Text Rule to Overcome the Urge to Reach Out. Why Changing Your Routine Helps You Heal Faster. How to Stop Overthinking and Find Closure Within Yourself. A Simple 90-Day Reflection Strategy to See How Far You’ve Come. Heartbreak is painful, but it doesn’t have to define you. It’s time to take control of your healing journey and create the life you truly deserve. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What we discuss: 00:00 Intro 03:18 30-Day No Contact Re-Invention Challenge 04:34 Day 1-5: Break Patterns From the Relationship 07:32 Day 6-1: Body Reset, Break Your Own Patterns 09:07 Day 11-15: Social Reset, The 5 Text Rule 17:03 Day 16-20: Change Your Mind, The Reverse Bucket List 23:31 Day 21-25: Do Something You’ve Never Done Before 23:59 Day 26-30: Reflection Phase, Set a 90-Day ReminderSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: How can the 30-Day No Contact Reinvention Challenge help you heal?
So write down notes, whether you're using your phone or whether you're writing down in your journal, and make sure you come back to this one as well. So the first thing I want to set you is this idea called a 30-day no-contact reinvention challenge. Instead of just avoiding contact, I want you to actively reinvent yourself each day.
The reason why breakups hurt so much is because we feel parts of ourself are lost, broken, or gone forever. And when we realize that actually we're not trying to hold on to what was there, we're trying to rebuild from what's left. We're looking at what has been left behind and what we can do with that, not what we once had.
So I'm going to break this down into five day experiences, because often what we think about is we hear things like time will heal all wounds. That's not untrue. I actually think that is true. But here's the thing. We need to make it smaller. We need to make it more measurable. We need to make it more actionable. Does time mean six months, 12 months, three months?
Chapter 2: What steps should you take during Day 1-5 of the challenge?
So I'm going to give you a 30-day no-contact reinvention challenge. Day one to five, potentially the most difficult, hardest, painful days. You just broke up with them. They just broke up with you. This is the time that you're most likely to run back to them or they're most likely to try and get you back. or they're most likely to ignore you and you really want them back.
Day one to five will be the hardest days you experience. Here's what you do. Delete messages. Remove reminders. Block social media. Create a breakup-free digital space. It's so needed. It's so, so needed. And a big part of this is something I call the anti-ritual disruption. You had a ritual with this person that started to feel like your life. You always texted them goodnight.
You always got a good morning message from them. You always went out to coffee together on Saturday, Sundays for brunch. Break those patterns. Purge. Delete the messages, remove the reminders, block, mute, break up free digital space and break the patterns of those rituals. If you always texted them goodnight, text someone else goodnight.
A friend, a family member, someone who's always been there for you, someone who's always around, someone that you may not even remember that often. Send them a goodnight message. You used to go with them every Saturday to get a coffee, every Sunday to get brunch. Change your coffee shop. Change your brunch spot. I don't really, it doesn't matter how much you loved that place or how amazing it was.
Chapter 3: How can changing your routine aid in healing during a breakup?
Change the memory. Break the pattern. Take yourself out for coffee. Go out with someone else for brunch. Switch the pattern up. One of the biggest mistakes we make is we stay in the same pattern wanting to get rid of something. It is pretty impossible to remove an emotional feeling from a physical place if that physical place mattered to you both. Break the patterns.
Your brain links routines to them. If you change your routine, you will change the attachment. Too many of us don't change our pattern, don't change our routine, and expect to change the attachment. Now it is true. we kind of want to feel close to it. There's a part of us that secretly even enjoys the fact that that place mattered to us. We still go there. We have some feelings. I get it.
But we have to purge day one to five. Day six to 10, body reset. Change something physical. Maybe you're going to change a new hairstyle, a fitness routine, a sleep schedule. We're going back to breaking patterns, but we're breaking patterns of our own. So the first half was breaking patterns from the relationships, day one to five. You used to mess with them, you mess with someone else.
Day six to 10... You're breaking your own patterns, a new fitness routine, a new sleep schedule, a new hairstyle, whatever it may be that works for you. The reason why we want to break things so quickly and organically as well, of course, it has to be things you want to do, is because you're shifting and moving. We're not used to change, especially when you're in relationships.
When you get into a long-term relationship or an invested relationship, Routines are at the heart of that relationship Rituals are at the heart of that relationship The quicker you shift your rituals and routines The quicker you change your memories of that relationship Too many of us stay
in the same physical state we don't do a body reset we stay in the same place for a long long time it's one of the reasons why revenge body which i'm not encouraging i encourage you to work out for yourself and your own health but a reason why that idea makes sense because you're getting active you're shifting something about yourself but ideally do it for yourself Day 11 to 15 is a social reset.
Reach out to three old friends or make a new connection. By day 11 to 15... You're going to want to text that ex. You might even have been strong up until now, and now you can't bear it. It's not harder than the first five days. It's harder than it felt in those first five days to not message them. You get pulled back. into that old habit.
So I'm going to give you what I call the five text rule for breaking the urge to reach out. This is called the five text rule. Before you text your ex, send five texts. One to a friend, one to someone you admire, one to a family member, One to yourself, yep, literally text yourself. And five, one to a new connection.
By the end of that, the urge usually passes because you've created five conversations. Now you may message your friend and your friend's not available. So usually you'd message your friend and then you'd go message your ex. Especially if you asked your friend, hey, should I message my ex? Don't make the conversation about your ex. Make it about something else.
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Chapter 4: What is the Five-Text Rule to overcome the urge to reach out?
Pretty difficult to do that. It's almost like when you think about it, there's a courtroom and then there's a jury room, right? In the courtroom, the jury room listens, but they go to the jury room to make a decision. You need to have a conversation with yourself in text form in the jury room.
Your mind's like the courtroom where you think you have to make the big decisions, where you think you have to solve everything. But that's not true. You need to be able to go to a jury room to discuss it, to think about it, to reflect. And the courtroom is just the place you announce the decision. Notice that distinction is huge. Often we're just having conversations in our head.
Should I stay with them? Should I text them? Should I take them back? What should I do? And you're almost trying to make this big decision in the courtroom. Text yourself. Build a log of how you feel different at different times. How do you really feel about that person? And I'll come back to that point. But what do you really think? What do you really believe?
The courtroom, your mind, is a place to listen, is a place to absorb. It's there. But the decision is made in the jury room and announced in the courtroom. When you've taken out that personal time to reflect, to introspect, to think, you can come back to your mind and whenever your mind says, let's text them, you go, no, we thought about this. I'm going to text five people first.
The five text rule for breaking the urge to reach out is a game changer. One to a friend, one to someone you admire, one to a family friend, one to yourself, and fifth to a new connection. Could be someone you're networking with, a community member. Obviously, if it's brand new, ideally not someone you're dating, but if you're further down the line, it could be that.
And all of a sudden, you've started five conversations. And here's what you learn through this. You start to learn that there is more connection out there than you actually believe. There is more love out there than you actually believe. There is more support out there than you actually believe. Let me say that again. You have to remember that there is more love in your life than you believe.
You have more support in your life than you believe. And you have more people rooting for you than you believe. The problem is you've learned to believe that there's only one person who can love you perfectly. You've learned to believe that there's only one person who knows what you need. You have trained yourself to believe that there's only one person who can satisfy you.
And when you text five people, you start recognizing that's just not true. There are so many people who understand you. There are so many people who care about you. There are so many people who value you. And you have to experience it. You can't just remind yourself. You can't just talk yourself through it. You actually have to practice it.
And when you get messages back from your friend, someone you admire, a family member, yourself, you're not going to get a text back from, but you now have that jury room, courtroom breakdown. And finally... a person maybe that you're networking with, a community member, someone you're dating, all of a sudden you realize you always had that value.
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Chapter 5: How can social connections support your healing process?
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Chapter 6: Why is it important to recognize multiple sources of love and support?
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Day 16 to 20 is called the mind shift. Notice how we went body, people, mind, right? So we started with the purge. So we kind of blocked out everything we didn't want in. But then we started with the body because it's great to feel shift in the body. Then we went the people around us and now we do the mind. So what we often do with the mind is we just listen to love songs.
We watch our favorite romantic movies. And guess what? You sit there and you cry and you eat ice cream. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with any of that. That's okay if you want to do that. But when you're ready, this is the 30 days that's going to change it for you. The no love songs, no sad movies detox.
Cut out all breakup music and movies for 30 days when you're ready to really get over this breakup, right? This 30 days may come three months after you break up. For some of you, it may come immediately after you break up. For some people, it may come six years after you break up. But these 30 days have to happen at some point. Replace them with uplifting, neutral or empowering content.
Start a new book. Listen to a new podcast. Maybe you're listening to this one right now for that reason. Start a new course, a masterclass. Flood your brain with new ideas. It's time to change your mind. Now, why did we go body, people, mind? Because if you try and do this one first, it's really hard. When you've already shifted your body, you're feeling a new state.
We all know the feeling when we change something physical, because we live in our physical selves, it changes everything for us. When you change your hairstyle, you almost are surprised every time you look in the mirror. When you change your workout routine, you're more surprised about the energy you feel. When you change your environment, like the color of a room, you feel different.
So we want to change physical states first, then the people around us, then our mind. A lot of us try and do the mind shift first and it doesn't work, right? It doesn't work. And this works wonders. This mind shift fuels you with so many different ideas. And a good thing you can add to this is something I call the reverse bucket list.
Instead of listing things you want to do, list things you never want to do or repeat in a relationship. Right? We're used to writing down all the things we want to do before we die. List all the things you never want to do again in a relationship. And use this as a guide when you start dating again. So you don't just heal, but you upgrade. I think this is one of the biggest mistakes we make.
People are just trying to get over their ex. We're just trying to move on, but we're not upgrading. And I think when you choose to say, hey, this is what I'm never going to do again. I'm never going to fall fast. I'm never just going to give up my trust. I'm never just going to hand them, you know, whatever it is that you made mistakes on. And again, you don't want these things to be extreme.
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