On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Jay’s Must Listens: What Every Parent Needs to Hear Right Now—How to Raise Confident & Emotionally Strong Kids (Ft. Dr. Amen & Kim Kardashian)
Wed, 02 Apr 2025
What’s the hardest part about being a parent? How do you balance discipline and love while navigating the ever-evolving complexities of raising children? In this special compilation episode, we explore the meaningful lessons, struggles, and joys of parenting. Jay Shetty and his guests share wisdom on how to nurture strong family bonds, create a positive environment for growth, and raise children with confidence and resilience. From setting healthy boundaries to leading with love and patience, each guest offers practical insights that will help parents navigate the ups and downs of raising children. Whether you're a new parent, an experienced caregiver, or just seeking a deeper understanding of parent-child relationships, this episode is packed with valuable insights. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Build Deep, Lasting Connections with Your Kids The Importance of Setting Healthy Boundaries in Parenting How to Lead with Love While Teaching Discipline Ways to Foster Emotional Resilience in Children The Power of Modeling the Behavior You Want to See Parenting is both one of life’s greatest responsibilities and its most rewarding joys. By approaching the journey with intention, patience, and love, you lay the foundation for a strong and thriving family With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:13 Is Discipline About Punishment or Teaching? 11:06 Are You Spending Enough Uninterrupted Time With Your Kids? 19:27 How To Overcome and Find Balance Between Career and Family 26:03 Teaching Your Kids Resilience and Self-WorthSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: What is the focus of this parenting episode?
Studies show that a child's emotional intelligence and resilience is strongly shaped by their parents' approach to discipline and communication. But with so much parenting advice out there, it can be hard to know what really works. We're judged in many roles in our lives, but it seems we're judged the most in our roles as parents. There's no handbook to parenting yet.
We're expected to never make any mistakes. Parenting is fulfilling but challenging. Every stage comes with new lessons. Today's guests bring different perspectives, psychologists, experienced parents, and public figures balancing family with busy careers. Let's start with one of the biggest parenting struggles, discipline. Discipline is about teaching, not punishing.
Chapter 2: Is discipline about punishment or teaching?
It's so important that we know how to set boundaries in a way that builds confidence, not fear. It's important that we create a safe, supportive environment where kids can learn from mistakes. Dr. Aliza Pressman will be talking about how discipline is about teaching, not punishing.
I feel like discipline is so controversial, but I think of it as all feelings are welcome, all behaviors are not. So if I had to sum it up, and I think we do think of discipline as punishment versus teaching, and it's teaching because it actually influences your growth and development. It's not just for my entertainment. Then your kids trust you a little bit more and the relationship is stronger.
But I think the key with discipline is not being afraid of how our kids react to it and having the strength of purpose and belief that if they do have a negative reaction to it, we can love them all the way through it, but we're not going to change our minds about it. Because that's where it gets messy is that if we're talking all about how important the relationship is and then you have this
limit that you set, like, this is my expectation of you and your child doesn't like it. This simply like, I, you know, I take the phone away at night or the iPad or whatever. and your child is freaking out about it, then you go, well, now I've messed with the relationship. And so I guess I should, they're crying and I need to like get back in there.
So, okay, I'll give you more time or whatever it is. And that's where we get confused. I think if parents really understood that feelings aren't dangerous, that kids aren't gonna say thank you for the boundaries and limits that we set and that we set them with the intention of physical and emotional safety, about not just them, but other people. Like, we're not just raising kids in a vacuum.
They have to move through the world and think about community and other humans. And so what's comfortable for them might not be thoughtful to other people. And so it's that balance between... be there for yourself, but also not to the extent that you can't, you know, that you're entitled and don't respect that there are other people in the world.
I mean, there's three kind of parenting styles outside of neglectful, which is not, you know, that's a whole other thing, but there's like the permissive, which is best friend parenting. And it is so sensitive and they do like you and you can play as many video games as you want and all that's great. Except for you have no, nobody's steering the ship.
And so it actually can lead to anxiety and depression and a sense that you are too responsible for things. And the other side of it is authoritarian where it's fear-based and it's just rules. And it's just because I said so, but without the like, I know you really love doing this. And I wouldn't stop you from doing it if I didn't know that it was better for your brain or whatever.
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Chapter 3: What are the different parenting styles?
So that's the middle path of like authoritative where you're sensitive, but you stick with your limits and boundaries because you know that that's going to benefit your kids. Even when you have limits and rules, you want your kids to know as you're describing your mom that they have you. So if you do mess up, you can still go to them instead of being terrified.
And so that's this weird thing where it's like, here are my expectations. Also, I want to name the fact that you're going to blow it sometimes. And I want to be the person you come to. And that's something to say not when they're struggling. And I think part of the reason why it's hard to get kids to open up is because we try to get in there when they're in the center of the struggle. Yes.
Instead of like building the vocabulary and connection outside of it. So you have the conversations and you give the language when nobody's in the heat of the moment. So that when the heat of the moment comes, they already know that they can come to you. And you can just say to them, I can tell something's going on. I'm here whenever or if ever. And then just leave space.
A lot of times doing something with a kid who's not opening up, like going for a drive even, so they're not looking at each other, And, you know, I can't think of any sport right now because I'm not super sporty. But, you know, like playing, I'm like, what is it called when one does a game with someone? Pickleball.
Thank you.
So you go play pickleball. Yeah. you're playing pickleball, it's gonna come up. But you want to just like put little tiny moments where you say, I'm askable, I'm tellable, and I'm not gonna say anything. And one of the things that helps is that when your kids do tell you something, you say, thank you for telling me before you have any other reaction. And that may be your only reaction.
And then you give them a little space and then you say, is there anything I can do? Mm-hmm. With younger kids, you want to be, this is going to sound ridiculous if you don't think about animals this way, but I do. So tell me if it resonates, but you kind of want to be a dog. You're wagging your tail when you're excited to see them.
You're always there and you're like really enthusiastic and they need that. But then as they get older, imagine you're 11 to 25 year old self, you need to be a cat.
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Chapter 4: How can parents build trust and communication with their kids?
Yeah.
So you're there, you're always around. You're touching their feet. You're not overly on top of them. But if they're interested, they can come to you. But you're not going anywhere. So it's this safe thing where you're there for them, but it's not so intense. And then they have the opportunity to open up a little bit. And when they do, you don't pounce like a dog.
You stay a cat who's like welcoming the information, but not, you know, saying, oh my God. And then, you know, cause you don't want your kids to think you can't handle my truth. So I'm not, you're not the person to tell.
Yeah, and I feel that's the hardest time to be the cat because you're scared about them getting involved in the worst stuff, like whether it's drugs or, you know, addiction to social media or getting involved in the wrong circles. Like, that's the age at which it's going to happen.
Yeah, it's terrifying.
Yeah, it's terrifying. And they're getting a driver's license. They can drink now, you know, as they get older. It's almost like those are the times where you want to be more hands-on.
And you are—that's why I say you're physically present. Like— I think toddlers and teenagers need you more present than anybody. But we think teenagers are like off on their own and whatever, but you're home. Like if they're going to a party, you're home to greet them and look into their eyes. So you don't need to ask if they've been drinking.
because you will know when you hug them and look in their eyes and you can have a conversation in a different kind of way than if you're sort of like, I'm out, you're out, you're older, you know, take an Uber, don't drive drunk. I'll see you tomorrow. So I think your presence is important, but the, the sense that you're kind of all over them verbally, you have to pull back a little bit.
And it's terrifying. But if you've cultivated the relationship and you've set the expectations about substances and social media and whatever, it's easier. But when something's really bothering them, what they need is to know that they don't have to explain it and they can just come to you and be sad. Attachment relationships are dynamic.
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Chapter 5: What is the special time technique for parenting?
And now that I'm the last person in charge of whatever and there's nobody that I'm supposed to ask and I can make a decision, I'm still kind of like, Is that okay? And so the idea that you're just like in charge of raising a whole human being or more is really daunting. And we all kind of think everybody else knows. We don't know.
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Something unexpected happened after Jeremy Scott confessed to killing Michelle Schofield in Bone Valley Season 1. I just knew him as a kid. Long, silent voices from his past came forward.
And he was just staring at me.
And they had secrets of their own to share.
I'm Gilbert King. I'm the son of Jeremy Lynn Scott.
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Chapter 6: Why is presence and emotional connection important in parenting?
I was no longer just telling the story. I was part of it.
Every time I hear about my dad, it's, oh, he's a killer. He's just straight evil.
I was becoming the bridge between a killer and the son he'd never known.
If the cops and everything would have done their job properly, my dad would have been in jail. I would have never existed.
I never expected to find myself in this place. Now, I need to tell you how I got here.
At the end of the day, I'm literally a son of a killer.
Bone Valley, Season 2. Jeremy.
Jeremy, I want to tell you something.
Listen to new episodes of Bone Valley, Season 2, starting April 9th on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And to hear the entire new season ad-free with exclusive content starting April 9th, subscribe to Lava for Good Plus on Apple Podcasts.
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