Kelly
Appearances
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Cedar Point
Hi, so nice to meet you guys. I'm Kelly and this is Josh.
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Armchair Anonymous: Cedar Point
I'm a therapist and I just love what you have done for so many of my clients. You guys being so open, transparent and creating just an awesome avenue for people to just be more open and share their story and struggle. So I love that.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
Dr. Drew called me unfixable.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
How dare you, Dr. Drew? You killed my grandmother.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
Let's talk bobbleheads.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
Help unload. Yeah, we need space.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
There's a few cases left and the people that produce them are moving and they wanna get rid of, we're giving out a great price for 12, $35 for 12 if you go to drdrew.com slash shop. And you can just store them away for the holidays.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
It's going to be a collectible at that point. There's a few cases left. We're hoping that everybody will pitch in and get some for their future white elephant gifts.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
Trust me, you can't. We're basically giving it away for shipping.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
I'm getting a bunch of them and I'm sending them to a few people, a few of our fans that helped us back in the days during Dose of Dr. Drew when we were selling bobbleheads. Anyways, we want to help the people that make them open up their space. They're moving. So I can't take them all here. It costs money to ship them to me and then for me to do something with them. So we're offering them to you.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
Hold them up again, Drew. Show them all sides. It's really cute.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
Yeah, well, the original price was $44 each. That makes more sense. So, yeah, and then we had them.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
Right. And then, like I said, if he dies, it'll be worth more.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
So to- No, it's drdrew.com slash shop, Caleb.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
Okay. I just want to make sure everybody knows, go to drdrew.com slash shop. Help out our manufacturer. I have a bunch of them. Everybody, Caleb, you should get a set too. I have one. I have one right here on my desk. No, I mean, I'll get you a case.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
One for all of my children.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
They're really cute. They're really cute. And then you can share it with your mother who loves Dr. Drew and all the gut-filled friends you have that love him. It is a fun guest.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
It's funny. So get one.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
I was busy today. You got that email at like 10 o'clock last night.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
It's not in the loop. I had a great show. I'm calling out today. I don't know if anybody out there saw it, but it was really good.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
Tom Renz was so awesome. Oh, we still have Thomas Renz on March 10th, I believe. Oh no, we moved him. I think we had to move him because we have to travel that day, but we'll get him. Don't worry.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
His social media manager was busy doing a show today. I like it, Hollywood Demons. It kind of goes with the theme of my psychic medium show.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
He wasn't selling a V-Shred. No, no, no.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
Yeah, we had to move... I feel bad now because I love Tom Renz. He was on my show today, but we had to move him because we have... Monday, we were...
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
Yeah, I can't wait. Thanks, Emily. Is this a...
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
First, we wanted the guy from the LA Times here. And I said, why would we let the LA Times over into our house? And you're like, he's a nice guy. I was like- He was.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
No, I know. He didn't show up. He had a cold, but-
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
He had a lot on his plate today because we had our show first. We had two shows today.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
There's only so much time in a day for Caleb Nation.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
Wait, three kids? No, two kids.
Ask Dr. Drew
Save The Earth (From Bad Politicians) w/ US Congresswoman Harriet Hageman & Benji Backer – Ask Dr. Drew – Ep 463
Four dogs and a Susan Pinsky.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
Listen, that's just how I felt. Okay.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
Honestly, you are gassing me up a little bit. You're making me see the other side of things a little bit.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
I will say two things. Number one, it was sparkling clean. I will give him that. It was a very clean bathroom.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
Number two, I do not appreciate the fact that the toilet paper was facing the way I don't appreciate. It was underpulled.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
I take ownership. Like I should not have gone through this man's phone. That's good. And so as long as the place you are sending us has a solid bathroom rating from him.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
Yeah, I had a feeling that might be what this is about when you said that.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
I mean, like, I guess I just did something I really shouldn't have done, and it just, it took me out of it. It ruined it for me. Uh-oh.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
You're not wrong about any of that. Like, that's all 100% true. And, I mean, what a great date to have with somebody who you've known for a while and have been going to the same gym, like, for a long time. Like, it kind of all was coming together really nicely. Like, almost a little too good to be true. No. Lean into that.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
What do you mean, me? Oh, my God. Okay. So... Basically, he got a text when he was doing the dishes and I was in the living room where his phone was like sitting on the charger. Yeah, we heard that. Oh, until you know about the passcode and everything, yeah? Right.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
Cool, same. Like, I was like, whoa, this is like a marital level trust. Like, this is a lot.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
Not initially, but your girl got a little curious, and I went back for seconds. I'm not going to lie.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
What did you find? Oh, my God. I can't even believe this. Okay. You know the notes app on your phone?
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
Oh, okay. You opened his notes app? What was in there?
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
So he wrote a bunch of, there's a bunch of drafts in there, and they're a bunch of like over-the-top, aggressive, negative things.
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
yelp reviews yelp reviews it's not even like it's not even for like businesses it's not for restaurants he didn't find like a hair in his food no these are for public restrooms what he's a public restroom wait do you think he wrote them or did he like copy and paste them from oh like are they jokes because that would be that sounds like a joke to me a review of a public restroom
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
there is zero percent chance like this came from his soul he did not write this on a win like there was one in there about like the mcdonald's on fifth avenue and he was going off he was like the hinges on the door were like loose and the latch was hanging on for dear life like it was a marriage on its last leg and it's useful because now i know not to go to that mcdonald's so yeah so you didn't you didn't think it was attractive
Brooke and Jeffrey: Second Date Update
Second Date Update: Phone Paux
Honestly, it seemed like a little unhinged that someone would be having that in his phone.
The Commercial Break
TCB Introduces: What We Spend
How much school debt do you have? I have 150,000. I had more. I had 300,000 after my Master's. I had a great uncle pass away who was an artist and my parents chose with their share of that that they would help pay off all my private loans. And so that was a crazy night. I remember pressing submit on $150,000 payment and just being like, holy shit.
The Commercial Break
TCB Introduces: What We Spend
And they were like, yay, doesn't that feel so much better? And I was kind of like, This is Kelly. Kelly is one of the 42.8 million Americans who have student loan debt.
The Commercial Break
TCB Introduces: What We Spend
Ich war früher Therapistin. Und für viele Gründe bin ich es nicht jetzt. Aber ich werde immer Therapie oder Coaching in meinem Leben haben. Und ich werde wahrscheinlich irgendwann vollzeit zurückgehen.
The Commercial Break
TCB Introduces: What We Spend
Consuming. Oh. I would describe it as all-consuming, yeah. The thing that keeps coming to mind is when someone has an addiction or a struggle and they caught the monkey on their back.
The Commercial Break
TCB Introduces: What We Spend
Du kannst es einfach nicht entfernen. Es klingelt einfach. Und es ist immer mit dir vorhanden. Es fühlt sich so an. Und ich versuche wirklich hart, in Kontrolle zu bleiben, meine Kontrolle zu behalten. Ja. Aber es ist ein bisschen wie ein Tug of War.
The Commercial Break
TCB Introduces: What We Spend
An einem Sonntag sitze ich und schaue mir den Budget an. Und ich habe eine Sprechstelle gemacht.
The Commercial Break
TCB Introduces: What We Spend
So rent and utilities, $2,800. That's pretty expensive for rent. Anytime I tell someone that, they're like, that's more than my mortgage. I'm like, yeah, I know. Please don't tell me what your mortgage is. I don't want to know. Ja, wer braucht das?
The Commercial Break
TCB Introduces: What We Spend
And then groceries. This one sucks the most right now and I really feel like everyone will understand. I put 600 a month for our groceries. And I mean that includes like toiletries and stuff too. They have a Costco membership, but they pay that yearly fee with the cash back they get from their credit card. Medications and supplements like
The Commercial Break
TCB Introduces: What We Spend
Ben arbeitet, also hat er einen riesigen Pack von Proteinpaste, den er von Cospo bekommt. Also Ben hat meistens Workout-Supplemente und nur eine Medikation. Und meine ist, denke ich, wie Some of the subscriptions are on them though. Dropbox for 12, Soundcloud for 6, Spotify for 10. Hair. My hair. I put $40 next to my hair.
The Commercial Break
TCB Introduces: What We Spend
And that's so I can spend that $40 and get my hair washed by somebody else one time every month. And it is like the gift to me to have somebody else wash my hair every once in a while. Isn't that shitty that like even now just reading my own budget that it really is just my business. I still feel the need to justify like I just need to treat myself sometimes and have my hair washed.
The Commercial Break
TCB Introduces: What We Spend
Wie viel kostet das, was du regelmäßig bezahlst? Rund 4.800 Euro pro Monat. Aber dann kriegst du Geld. Wie viel Geld hast du? Einiges. Wenn du meine Studentenlohne inkludierst, haben wir 202.728 Dollar in Geld. Wo hast du zur Schule gegangen? Ich bin zur Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee gegangen. Warum hast du zur Schule gegangen?
The Commercial Break
TCB Introduces: What We Spend
Ich dachte, ich sollte das tun, weil ich gesagt wurde, dass das der nächste Schritt ist. Und ich denke, das ist ein Teil des Liedes, der meiner Generation verkauft wurde. Wenn du nicht zur Schule gehst, wirst du am McDonalds arbeiten. Du wirst ein Todesblut sein. Du wirst mit deinen Eltern leben müssen und wahrscheinlich sogar Marihuana benutzen. Ja.
The Commercial Break
TCB Introduces: What We Spend
Oh no, it's a good question. I didn't. I did not think about it. I had no clue what I was doing. It wasn't like, hmm, I wonder how I'm going to pay this off when the average annual salary for a therapist is 40.000 bis 60.000 Dollar pro Jahr. Ich habe das nicht gedacht. Ich hatte keine Ahnung, was ich tue. Und ich hatte nicht wirklich jemanden um mich herum, der mir erklärte, was ich tue.
The Commercial Break
TCB Introduces: What We Spend
Dein präfrontaler Kortex ist nicht entwickelt, wenn du diese Entscheidungen machst. Letztendlich regere ich nichts, weil ich, wer ich bin, und ich bin glücklich, aber ich bin
The Commercial Break
TCB Introduces: What We Spend
Because maybe I will just realize through tracking every expense that I'm actually just a dum-dum and I'm very irresponsible and this is all my fault. But I'm feeling curious. I'm just curious to see what comes of it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
We have some amazing listeners. We really do.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
My favorite was the guy on Thursday that came in and he said, He asked me to come out – for me to come out and to get a picture and then he said he was going to print it out and have you sign it. I thought that was pretty fantastic.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Boyfriend Just Revealed His Troubled Sex Life . . .
No, it's a voodoo doll, not a signed picture. You can do you, boo. Call it what you want.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Jewish Parents I’m Converting?
And I'm so glad that I had my stupid, especially like that, where that guy, you know, 19 to like 25 year old phase without cell phones, without digital pictures.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Jewish Parents I’m Converting?
There's a shoe box in the closet that I probably should burn. That has pictures of my wild days and that's where it needs to stay. It doesn't ever need to... I don't have to worry about it popping up somewhere.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Jewish Parents I’m Converting?
Because the stupid things that were said that these days would get you fired or canceled or whatever, you know, that we all do.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Jewish Parents I’m Converting?
No, but you know, just the stupid things we all say.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Don’t Enjoy Sex With My Husband (We Have Issues)
No, because I'm trying to think. I'm trying to think of, like, I was, like, trying to think through different facets real quick. But no, I don't. Is there any place I find would think you're as desperate? But no.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Don’t Enjoy Sex With My Husband (We Have Issues)
Oh, for five-star reviews, yes. Yes. Probably.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Don’t Enjoy Sex With My Husband (We Have Issues)
Yeah. Do a lot of things for Klondike Bar.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Don’t Enjoy Sex With My Husband (We Have Issues)
The list of things I won't do, it's getting pretty slim for a million bucks. That's a lot of money.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Don’t Enjoy Sex With My Husband (We Have Issues)
I think like, you know, they were a lot that night. They were – didn't want to go to bed. They're fighting. Depending upon how old they are, they're fighting. They're not doing what they're told. It's just one of those nights where you're just – You just fall on the couch.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Don’t Enjoy Sex With My Husband (We Have Issues)
Yeah. You lost. Yeah, you were like, what just happened? Yes. So that's what I think of.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Our Nanny’s Husband Hit on My Wife
All right, this is from Beth and she says, over the holidays, my husband and I went on a trip to stay with my brother and his wife. My relationship with my brother has been complicated. I'm sorry, it was her brother. I said that wrong. My relationship with my brother has been complicated. For about a decade, we didn't speak, but we all really wanted to cultivate a healthier relationship.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Our Nanny’s Husband Hit on My Wife
I just finished the connections chapter of building a non-anxious life, so I pulled up the online questions for humans mentioned in the chapter, and we spent a couple of hours having the greatest conversation we've ever had. It culminated with me telling my brother all the ways I was proud of him. It was one of the best visits we've ever had. Thank you to you and your team for all that you do.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Stepdad Had an Inappropriate Photo of Me on His Phone
You are brilliant.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Stepdad Had an Inappropriate Photo of Me on His Phone
Yeah. That sounds great. As long as you're not being coerced or trying to... Everything I say sounds inappropriate here, but you're trying to substitute that for something else that there's a problem.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Stepdad Had an Inappropriate Photo of Me on His Phone
Right. Or solving a problem, you know, band-aiding over a problem, but otherwise. Yeah.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
It will change how you parent, how you are married, how you show up to work, how you treat your neighbors. It's astounding how good it is, but it tracks his journey as a restaurateur, as somebody who's learning the restaurant business and takes over kind of a fledgling restaurant. Kelly, what's all the awards he's won?
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
That's right, yeah, they were there.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
That was too much. You did great.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
But integrity at the cost of quote unquote how I feel. The right thing versus what I'm going to miss out on.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Yeah.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Yeah, because it's not – the only immoral thing to do is to feel bad or to not feel great. That's the new immorality.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Yeah. There's abuse and of course.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
I'm not trying to be overly sweeping here, but – So tell me about your mom. One of the parts in the book that I, again, I keep going back. I was working through this again last night. I'm sorry, two nights ago. My daughter and I took our first trip ever. She's eight. And we got on a plane and flew to my uncle's 80th birthday party. And then it was just us two.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Just the two of us. Never done that before. In fact, in the car ride to the airport, she was like, I've never gone out of town without mom. And I was like, we're going to... She's like, I feel like unsafe. We both might be borderline diabetic right now. We ate a lot of garbage.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
But I was in bed reading when she was asleep, and I got to the part about your mom unable to speak, but still requiring that the person who helped push her down the street to smile at you when you got off the bus. That next morning, my daughter woke up too early in a hotel room and said, Dad, let's go swimming. And for the first time in her life, I said,
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
I bet I'll beat you to the get our swimsuits on instead of hold on, man, like no coffee. Let's just run. Let's run. And the water was freezing and we laughed our heads off. And does that make sense?
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
But I got that from your mom, right? Tell me about your mom.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Mm-hmm.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
It's not Arby's.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
It's like an Oscar.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
This isn't a shaming statement. This is just an is. I hear that. And I think of a 10-year-old getting off the bus and running down the street and seeing this radiant smile a block away. And then I think of the just countless ocean of children who have able-bodied parents who are scrolling their childhoods away, just staring at their phones. You know what I mean?
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And I guess for whatever it's worth, me with a young kid still, a teenager but a young kid, it's the memory that, I mean, you're talking, I can feel it on you. Like that's encoded in your nervous system that is... She didn't say the right things, for God's sakes. No. But there was not a doubt that come hell or high water, I can always come home. I've gotten her in my corner.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
The... The thing that Will was best known for originally besides just being an amazing guy. And when you watch this show, you'll see it. And we get into some of his childhood stuff and some really heavy stuff he experienced throughout his childhood that I think it laid the groundwork for who he has become as a father, as a husband, and as a business owner. But he took a restaurant that was good.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
I don't care how I feel. I have an obligation to live for two now. We're going to have extra adventure and have extra. I'm going to have an extra beer. I'm going to have an extra thing of nachos. I'm going to work out because I have to. So let me ask you this. I'd be good at having the extra nachos. Maybe not doing the extra work out. I love nachos.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
um all right so i'm only i feel like i can only ask you this because you're my friend yeah so i find myself there's some guys working on an app and so they've run all of my calls through a like a language learning model like how does john respond to things yeah yeah and come to find out i quite often ask what did you see growing up like what did you experience growing up
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And so I have heard you talk about this reckless love. And reckless is one of my favorite words when it comes to love and giving. Give obnoxiously. You'll figure it out. Give crazy. And watching this pillar of integrity in your old man, which is just so phenomenal. But there's the other side of that, right?
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And so I like to tell the story about how my mom went back to college or went to college when she was in her 40s and graduated with a PhD when she was in her late 50s, like this whole thing. There was another side to that, which was I cooked dinner a lot, right? And I did my laundry starting when I was really young.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And there was a lot of tension in the house because we didn't have any money and mom was in school and dad was a cop. And then there was a reality to that that was hard, right? So knowing the beautiful part, but also getting to see the gritty ins and outs of, oh, this is what this means, right?
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
This might mean 15 years of working all day, doing math homework with my kid, and then having to help my wife go to the bathroom or to bathe, those kind of things. This is what you see day in and day out. What was it about that experience that made you say to your amazing wife that you have now, Christina? It's Christina? Yeah. I do. I'm in. I'm in on that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Oh, yeah.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
It was good. It was fine. It was good. And they won restaurant of the planet twice. I think it was in London or in France, wherever they get together with the fancy food places, they won it twice. And it was based on this concept of radical hospitality, unreasonable hospitality. And if you want to know more about the book, you can check it out in the show notes, but
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
What made you say, because I love how you framed it, I wish it was something other than this. I wanted Titanic to be so real. I wanted to walk into a room and just be like, I'll die today for that person. It just not works. What was the switch that you flipped that said, I'm going to choose Titanic? I'm choosing you. I'm going to choose you every day until I'm dead.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Please invite everyone you know, gather around and listen to this episode. It will change who you are from the inside out if you start applying these principles. Will is super open about his childhood, about his mom and his dad and some of his relationships. And he's just a national treasure. And again, it's one of my great honors in my life to call Will Godera like a close buddy.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And it wasn't... You just did a real life example of why most online dating profile things don't work out, right? Yeah.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And the way you said that that was really important to click on, it wasn't that... I get super horny when she's around because she's attractive. It's not that I feel finally worth something. It wasn't this you complete me. It was like, I don't know. I feel awesome.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Talk to me about charitable assumptions. Because I think that's a masterful gift for the person you're in a relationship with, but I think it's also a masterful gift for ourselves.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And I can't wait for you to check out this conversation. It will change your life. Stay tuned for my conversation with my good friend, Will Godera.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
That the game changer for me was finding out that the stories we make up about other people... have a physiological consequence. When I start to see the towels on the floor and I think, my wife just left them there. Oh, she left them there. Dude, okay, get your mess. My body doesn't know that I'm not in a real fight. So it floods it with all the cortisol and adrenaline. It's ready to get go time.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And then she walks in, and I've been in a fight for 45 minutes with her. She has no idea, right? It's this strange, instead of that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Looking for the snack, the catering. But it's that seeing those towels and thinking, good God, what must have her day been like? And I just pick them up. I had somebody call my show recently, and he's talking about coming home to his house, and he works so late and so hard, and his wife has a toddler in the house, and it's just not clean anymore.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
I was like, bro, just walk in and pick up a vacuum, man. Like, for what? Assume that the day was crazy. Don't do that. Well, you know, mine was probably like, it's a... Or, I love how you said that, just have the conversation up front, because I've been guilty of... Not say anything, not say anything, not say anything, not say anything. And then there's a shoe. And I'm like, the shoe!
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And everybody's bewildered, right? Because it's just a shoe. Or my poor kids. My wife has some context because she didn't know she married kind of an emotional goofball. But it's my kids that I don't say anything. They're late. We're running behind. They didn't clean up the room. They don't, they don't, they don't.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And then I just come unhinged off something little, and they're like trying to figure out dad. And that scale seems to be off to get that mad over this, right, or that frustrated.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And it's also a gift because I've come to believe that secrets kill relationships. They just destroy them. And whether it's business partnerships or relationships, romantic kids, whatever. And if you've just picked up a towel and you haven't said anything, and it's, I don't know why with our marriages, they get so existential so fast. Yeah.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
If you were at my house and I left a towel, or you left a towel on the floor, I'd be like, Will, quit being a slob. And I'd put it up and then be like, hey, where are we going to go eat? But the person that you're closest to in the world. But if it's my wife, it's this, what is she trying to say? And it's so existential and dramatic. And so, and that's me.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
But if she walks in the bathroom and I've just pricked her tail up and... She knows. There's, there's, she can feel it. There's something. And by me not addressing it as a way to get back, right? It's my way to throw a secret punch in the, like a ghost punch. It's just everything. It's just on, um, to use your words, unreasonable.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
It's just a, it's just a decision to, to live a little bit more miserably. I don't think we need that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
I think it'd be cruel. I think it's cruel.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
To send my wife on a story-making up adventure to figure out what's wrong with her husband.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Yeah. And I think most people don't realize that that gift is to their partner, but that's also a gift to yourself. Yeah. Because you just exhale.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Tell me about your disdain for the words, I can't. Hmm.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Or if you're not peppering them with these life lessons.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Woo! What's up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. I'm so grateful that you have joined us talking about your mental and emotional health, your families, your relationships, your workplace, whatever you got going on in your life. I'm here to sit with you, and we're going to figure out what's the next right move.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Yep.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
But how do y'all do, how do you do friendships, new friendships in an ecosystem where pretty much everyone only just wants something from you? That's been my hardest transition is I still got the same friends that I've had, we lived in the dorm together and we made bad decisions together and now we're all old, right? You got those guys. I find it incredibly challenging
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
I go back to my parents and I've talked about the Mad Nauseam on the show, but the two things I learned from my parents, my dad being a SWAT guy, like when things get bad, you go in. So what'd you do? And my mom going to school at 42 and then now she's in her 70s. She was back to, she had retired, but now she's back to being a professor still. There's no such thing as you're too old.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
You can't, it's not for you. Like there's no such thing as that. You just go figure that out.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
and when i think about your dad he told you that and printed off notes but you have this like blueprint of a guy that did yeah he did raise an amazing son who never one second didn't believe he wasn't loved and he did teach his kid what the word fidelity and what integrity actually like not not not how you talk about it but here's what this looks like and he did you know as a successful restaurateur and and was like successful business like
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Like we say that all the time, more is caught than taught, but he gave you a picture of what.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Yeah. Even if I have to embrace you as an employee and say, now's not a good time for you to be here. Right? And I remember used to tell my students, you know, I'd catch them with drugs. I'm like, you can't sell drugs here. The most graceful thing I can do for you right now is to say not right now.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
You need to leave school. Yeah, my job is to. That's the greatest gift I can give you. Yeah. Yeah.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
In fact, I think for me, it's been... I trained with MMA fighters for a while. I'd much rather... dress out an elk and carry it out of two miles up and down mountains and to sit down with my son and say, hey, man, I'm sorry. I was wrong. One of those is my wife, especially like, hey, I totally blew this. Over the last nine months, I've blown this and I'm sorry.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
That's way on the manliness scale from like, I do hard things. It's way easier to go lift and go do jujitsu.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
It's to say, how can I love you today? Yeah. That's hard. That's hard for me. And so if I'm looking around the scope of my life for what's the hardest thing I can do, it's that, right? With the biggest payoff as well. When you, as a guy who's been in the work, you've been training and leading people, right? Are you optimistic?
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
All I hear is negativity, and I've been out of the classroom long enough now that being out of the university system for five years is ages, right? Yeah. Are you optimistic about new workers coming in, younger workers coming in? There's just so much bad press. On work ethic, on character, on yeah, like this and that and this and that. And I've got my thoughts and opinions on it, but you're in it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
You see it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
to make new friends, either you start segmenting away with like, everybody wants something from this whole table, and that always feels weird. I remember leaving an event one night, and our kids were there, and everyone's kids were there, and my wife said, everyone at that home had a PhD or a JD, that's not the real world. I remember saying that, and I'm being like, oh yeah.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
No, a leader's supposed to dictate to everyone around them how they want to be loved, Will. Right?
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
That's it, yeah.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
I remember that what I would say is probably the single greatest gift that was given to me professionally was by one of my forever mentors, John Will Thompson. And he said, I see something special in you, but you're not there yet. So here's what we're going to do. You need to learn how to speak CFO, and you don't. And you need to learn how to speak president, and you don't.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And you need to learn how to speak these positions. And so you're going to start coming to me with these meetings, and you're going to sit in there, and you're not going to say anything. You're going to listen. You're going to watch. And that experience over the next X number of years was the greatest gift because it was my quote-unquote entitled, I want to be in that room.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
I want to hear what's going on. Okay, you can come. And there's some boundaries to this. It's not a free-for-all. And I think he would tell you when I'd come out and say, why don't we do it like this? There's several times he was like, All right, that's a new idea. I hadn't thought of it. You know what I mean? And so it was a mutual good that raised everybody up.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
But it was a very different, I am the boss and you will sit there and I will tell you when it's your turn. For sure. And again, I go back to, you write about this so eloquently, but what a waste of human.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Like I've employed you, all of you, but just to utilize you for this one thing is such a waste. Everyone has much more than that to give. Yeah. It's amazing. Thank you for being my friend. I'm glad you're in town.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
I don't have any friends, and so this is going to be good for me.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
But no, thanks for being a blessing and for coming to hang out, man. Thanks for having me. All right. That was my conversation with Will Godera. Can't you see why he's the most lovely, wonderful person who's ever lived? By the way. how you saw him on this episode is how he interacts with everybody, everybody.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And the story I told in this episode about him changing how I do live events and how I talk and interact with people backstage in front of stage in front of house out in the parking lots. Um, Will is a guy who I have decided I want to be like more and more and more. And I think the world would be better to be more and more like Will Godera. Send this episode out to all your friends.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Like and subscribe to the show wherever you can. And any and all things Will Godera are linked in the show notes. And if you're in for like, if you're like, man, I need some more attention before I go to bed. Start watching The Bear tonight. It is an action-packed restaurant show. Love you guys. Stay in school. Don't do drugs. And be kind to one another.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Find places where you can be unreasonably hospitable. It will change your life, their life, and all of our lives. Love you guys. Bye.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
I think it's dangerous, man.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Because I have no things in common with those guys. Zero things. Other than our parents lived in the same street when we were all born.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
If you want to be on the show, go to johndeloney.com slash ask, A-S-K, and fill out the form, and we'll go to Kelly, and she will figure out what's the next right move for this show, and hopefully she will get you on. All right, today, I invited my friend to be on this show, but that's kind of a hashtag humble brag.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Nothing else, right? And so, yeah, for me, it's performative.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
But everyone's told us our guts are wrong. About health, about marriage, about love, about finance, everything.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Or a terrible podcaster.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
No, like, well, it's funny because the things I wrote down to talk about today was I think for me, and I tend to look everything through a emotional health or relationship lens. I think you wrote the best parenting marriage book that I've read in the past decade with Unreasonable Hospitality. And we'll get to kind of dig it, pull it apart. But I kept thinking as I worked through that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
gosh dude this is the best marriage book ever right um and it but but it's very not popular and it's very in a strange way counter-cultural and it's similar to how you describe the restaurant culture as what you were doing just didn't make a lot of sense on paper even though you could prove it on a spreadsheet even though i can prove it with morale it just doesn't make sense because we don't do it that way yeah um it's not the air people are breathing
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Very similar. There's some really heavy countercultural overlap between your book and marriage. But I want to go back to a moment. So you don't know this, I don't think. I don't think I've ever told you this. But you specifically... in a single interaction, transformed how I do my work in a way that, so I'm a private guy, and I'm also, shocking, I'm pretty introverted, right? I run out of gas.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Will Godera is one of the greatest men who's ever lived, and I don't say that lightly. Anyone who's ever been around him for more than 30 seconds is like, that's the greatest guy I've ever met in my whole life. I had an experience with Will backstage at a speaking event that changed my life forever.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And so, but I do love being on stage. That's my favorite thing is speaking on stage. This whole exchange is still odd, just because I love having deep, private conversations, and the thought of someone ever recording me sends me into... The fact that we're having this intimate moment together, but it's not intimate at all.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
The thing that I lived and died by at all these events, right? So you and I, you speak all over the place, me too, and you end up on backstage with people just like, how am I here, right? There's that guy over there and there's Jalen over here. Those are just surreal moments we all have, right? So the thing that kept me from not spooling off was the speaker scores. I always went to, okay, who won?
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And there's always audience surveys and things like that. That was always like, who won? Who's doing better? How's this person doing? How's this person doing? I need to get in my room and have this little bubble, right? The night that we first met, there was a dinner and it was me and you and Jade Simmons and Jocko and Dave Ramsey. And we're having dinner.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And by the time it's over, Jocko was full Jocko and Dave was full Dave. And Jade was like, her and I were both from Houston. So there's a little, but you came in and the whole table lit up. And by the end, this is going to shock, Jocko was reciting Shakespeare. It was this whole, it was a whole thing. So then we left, right?
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And if you're going to go in front of 3,000 people and tell them something they don't know about business, you have to have some sort of courage or ego, whatever you want to call it. I have to think, I'm worth X dollars to tell you guys something. So I come down the next morning and it is Jade followed by me, followed by you, then Jocko. And I get down there. And you're the first one down there.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And I was like, what are you doing? You don't speak for like three hours. And I'll never forget you said, I'm here to watch you. I was like, what do you mean? And I was like, dude, I'm here to watch you. And when I got off stage, you and Jade were the first people to greet me off stage. Like backstage, big hug. I don't know you, man. We just had dinner.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
But I remember thinking, oh, that's how this is. there is a grace and a giving and a hello and a, no, we had a great dinner. It was different than just a regular dinner. Like we laughed and told Shakespeare next to a Navy. So it was kind of fun. But you can lay around in your room and act dramatic for three hours, or you can go celebrate people.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And, Will, since that day, since that day, I remember thinking, that's how this is done. It's over. And so everything, every event I've done since then has been modeling I want to make sure I'm the last guy that sees somebody. I don't care how famous you are or how not famous you are.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
You're going to make sure I saw you, and I am so grateful that I get to be here with you, and I'll be the first person you get to see when you get off. Backstage, nobody in the audience sees this stuff, but that's Will Godera.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
And then Will was the executive producer of this little TV show called The Bear, which is the raddest winning every award show ever. In the show The Bear, they wrap their show around his New York Times bestselling book, Unreasonable Hospitality. If you haven't read this book, stop. right now, pause this and go buy this book.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
It was just this lifting up. It was pretty amazing, so thank you for that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
I think I was scared about what was coming, right?
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
But Jade Simmons goes in heavy.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife and I Don’t Agree on Our Son’s Education
Yes, but Boba Fett, that's a different person.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife and I Don’t Agree on Our Son’s Education
He's from Alabama. Yeah, totally different person.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife and I Don’t Agree on Our Son’s Education
Yeah, and he may be a bounty hunter as well.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife and I Don’t Agree on Our Son’s Education
Yeah, it's very different.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife and I Don’t Agree on Our Son’s Education
I mean, I don't have one, but that, I mean, if I was going to put, you know, Jedis are pretty cool. Oh, jeez. So I'm good with that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife and I Don’t Agree on Our Son’s Education
We need some more, especially cool crap that happens. A lot of Am I the Problems. Y'all got problems.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife and I Don’t Agree on Our Son’s Education
And they want it to be other people.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife and I Don’t Agree on Our Son’s Education
But we need some cool crap that happens. So I know I tell y'all to email them in. If you could go to askjohn.com. And, or to johndelody.com slash ask.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife and I Don’t Agree on Our Son’s Education
Yes. If you'll go to that and put it in at the top of the question, put, you know, cool crap that happened or CCTH, that is the best way for those to get to us. And I would really appreciate it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife and I Don’t Agree on Our Son’s Education
So this is from Amanda. Now this one came in at the end of last year. Okay. So keep that in mind. She said, We've already gone through the questions for humans for parents and kids, parents and teens that are currently going through the Thanksgiving deck. We drew the question about what we want to be grateful for in the next year. This morphed into an hour-long discussion with my now 13-year-old.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife and I Don’t Agree on Our Son’s Education
We have been continuing to discuss how we can implement these things today that will create gratitude in one year. We're planning a special day to map out our goals for the upcoming year. I love how these cards can be super fun and silly and can also be super deep. Thank you.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife and I Don’t Agree on Our Son’s Education
How about, like, if you came to a meeting I scheduled? Yeah, right.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Having An Affair With My Friend’s Wife
All right. This is from, I'm hoping I'm pronouncing her name correctly, Myrta.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Having An Affair With My Friend’s Wife
Yes. All right. She says, we are a family of five with three teens. Dinner time has always been a priority in our family ever since the kids were little. I always made dinner together happen. Now that the kids are older with jobs and high school and activities, it's nearly impossible to have everyone together at home at one time. I've had to grieve that a little bit. It was hard to let go of it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Having An Affair With My Friend’s Wife
However, I decided to replace dinner time with questions for humans, parents, and teen cards. I gather the family around 9 o'clock as many times a week as I can, and we do a few cards. When I first brought up the idea, the teens rolled their eyes at me and gave me the, bruh, why? I'm assuming she has sons because I've heard that. My husband was skeptical.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Having An Affair With My Friend’s Wife
Let me tell you, it has been amazing, better than I expected." It's not about the questions on the card. It's the fact that each person has a space to talk, a chance to express an idea or dream. There are no wrong answers except a shrug or an I don't know. I've learned new things about my family. It has started conversations that otherwise would never have happened.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Having An Affair With My Friend’s Wife
It has brought about admittance to failures or dreams. We just finished the deck a few nights ago and my husband has already asked if there's a second edition.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Having An Affair With My Friend’s Wife
Yeah, because sometimes when you're so legalistic about this thing that we do and you grasp onto it so tight— You lose it anyway because you're forcing it to happen. And yet, if you want your kids to have jobs, like, you know, my son works two nights a week, they're going to be gone. Right. And they have lives. This is what's supposed to be happening.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Having An Affair With My Friend’s Wife
They're supposed to be that kind of peeling away a bit, but she just found a different way to make it work.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Having An Affair With My Friend’s Wife
Right. And then, like in this case, they end up loving it. Of course they do. Because it's very important.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Shocked by My Husband’s Confession
So I admittedly am a bit OCD and I'm a clean freak. I like things exactly where they go all the time. But that's my hangup. That's on me. So my husband, who does not have that hangup in any way, he is closer to you. He likes piles of things. He will make the bed in the morning. And to me, I'm like, That's all the lines aren't straight, but that's on me.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Shocked by My Husband’s Confession
So I'll wait till he leaves in the morning and I may go straighten it up. And I know when he walks in later that afternoon, he rolls his eyes, but I don't expect him to be that way.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Shocked by My Husband’s Confession
Yes, Sheila and I are very much the same.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Shocked by My Husband’s Confession
Yeah, like we have a place because I know that we are so different. This is where things can land. And as long as they land there... I don't say anything about it. I'm great. It's because you have to make those arrangements. But if I'm the one that has the problem with it, then, you know, you mentioned putting the spoons in the wrong place.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Shocked by My Husband’s Confession
My daughter, when she puts the spoons up, always gets them backwards. First of all, who cares? But if I want to fix it, that's on me. Mm-hmm. because she's done what I've asked her to do to her capabilities.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Shocked by My Husband’s Confession
And to my husband, the bed's made. Great. And I'm thrilled that he made it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Shocked by My Husband’s Confession
Exactly. And I'm fine with that. So I don't say anything... I'm like, great. You made the bet. Thank you. We always have whoever gets out of it last makes it. It's always him. Well, I get up at five. He doesn't. He doesn't get up at five. But yeah, that's on me, not him. But I will say that took me – that wasn't my natural bend. It was quite a few years of marriage before I came to that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Shocked by My Husband’s Confession
It was like, well, I want it done this way. And then I realized I grew up in a house where that was expected. He didn't. And so we had to come to a mutual agreement, and that was worth the peace and the harmony.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Shocked by My Husband’s Confession
Yes, this is from Becky in Oregon, and she writes, Dear John, Kelly, and the team, the past couple years have been very tough for me. We had a church split during the pandemic, and I lost a lot of friends. I found myself very isolated and alone, but I listened to your show, and I decided to do something about it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Shocked by My Husband’s Confession
Five months ago, I started a girls' night out with seven friends to see who would show up. I'm happy to say that all seven of them have been coming once a month to dinner, even at different restaurants. Amazing.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Shocked by My Husband’s Confession
I decided to invite anyone I have done something with outside of church and within the last, people that I've done something with outside of church in the last year, and it's a very mixed group of women. We all get along great and it has been such a lifesaver and so much fun. Thank you for encouraging people to have a new tribe, crew, face-to-face friendships. It works.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Shocked by My Husband’s Confession
Okay, so it's not something where the boys will run off and do their own thing and y'all will be like forced to... Y'all will all four be there together.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Shocked by My Husband’s Confession
It'll be great. It's beautiful weather. It'll be great.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
Oh my gosh, I had not thought of that in forever, but I, yeah.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
When I moved here from Texas, my mom got me a calling card so I could call home.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
Or if you want cell phones came out, you only talk to him after nine.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
Right. That's bananas. I remember that. You text and you look up and see how many, like, dang it, I got like 10 days left and no text.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
Yeah, so this one's a little longer, so bear with me. Excellent. And he asked that we not use his name, and we're going to respect that. First of all, we need some more cool crap that happens, and am I the problem? Awesome. So send them our way.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
All right. Started listening from the beginning when you joined the Ramsey team. At the time we were about 11 years into marriage with two elementary aged kids. I was a dad who yelled and said sarcastic and mean things to my wife and kids. My wife and I had very little communication. We were having sex maybe once a year and did not know how to have difficult conversations.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
I was working long hours, not available, drinking daily in the afternoons before I would come home to my family. Dinner time was stressful. I would stay up late working, watching movies and drinking, and then wake up exhausted. I needed caffeine and B12 to get me through the day. I was keeping secrets and we were unhappy and I was beginning to have health problems.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
Many things from your show have impacted my living and caused me to make changes in my behavior almost from the beginning. One of the first things you said that touched me was yelling is abuse. It's childish and abusive. Also that secrets damage relationships. Another is the practice of letter writing to forgive myself and deal with past trauma and guilt.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
Since listening to you, I've sought more counseling, forgiven myself for past mistakes. My wife and I no longer yell at each other or at our kids. Oh, yeah. We're off the annual plan. It was so helpful to learn and to hear that other married couples were struggling with the same issues. Helpful to learn that the 7 to 10 mark in many marriages is a common time of difficulty and resetting.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
Appreciate you joining the team and that your insights are being shared across the globe. Keep up the amazing work.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her
Oh, that friend that's right? Woo!
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her
Actually, I'm not a math nerd. Overall, numbers are not my thing.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her
All right, this is from a friend Married pair of Marines. This is from Sharon and Owen Cisparo.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her
So Sharon Cisparo is a major U.S. Marine Corps retired. Awesome. And Owen is also, ooh, he's also an M.D. He's fancy pants. Dang. And major U.S. Marine Corps retired. So look at that. We've got fancy people that watch this show. Semper Fi. I was raised by a Marine, so.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her
Yeah, I was raised by one.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her
Yeah. All right. Hi, Dr. John.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her
Hi, Dr. John. Wanted to thank you so much for the questions for humans. My husband and I just celebrated our 10-year anniversary and spent every night of our anniversary week going on dates together and using the new intimacy questions for humans. Thank you. Know that our prayers for your continued work are with you. It's helping people in relationships heal. P.S.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her
We've passed along your podcast to so many people that the other day I mentioned it to a friend who was in a rough situation, and my husband just said he needs some Dr. Deloney. As two retired Marines, we have your podcast at the ready for any battle.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her
Yeah, I've never heard that, but that's super cool.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her
We very much appreciate it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her
Seriously. Granddaughter of a Marine. Daughter of a Marine. Nephew is a Marine. Cousins are Marines. I think I'm okay if I say Semper Fi.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her
If it makes them feel any better, I've married ex-Navy. My husband is Navy. And my Marine Corps father is probably rolling over in his grave that I married a Navy man.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her
I didn't say it quite that way, but overall.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Want to Be Around Her
I just said, you mean one-half?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Suddenly Wants a Divorce After 23 Years
No, that's just Saskatchewan.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Suddenly Wants a Divorce After 23 Years
All right, so back in December of 2023, we spoke to a woman named Addie from New York. Her question was, she said, I'm a 56-year-old woman, and I feel like my life is over. I ruined my younger years with drugs and alcohol, and then the remaining years trying to fix what was broken about me, and I've run out of time. How do I not end up a miserable, regretful old person who dies alone? Okay.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Suddenly Wants a Divorce After 23 Years
Anyway, so Addie sent in a follow-up. One year ago today, I spoke with you on your show. I was a mess and hopeless that my life and myself could not get better. You gifted me numerous tools, FPU, EveryDollar, your books, and Ken Coleman's book. What a year. I got honest with two people close to me about my financial mess. They helped me figure out a plan using the Baby Steps.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Suddenly Wants a Divorce After 23 Years
I read both of your books. I've also passed them along to friends, took Ken's Coleman assessment, and did FPU. My life today is very different. I have a morning routine. I regularly exercise. I'm living on a budget. The best thing is that a former employer noticed a big difference in me and in May offered me a job with a $35,000 raise. Whoa!
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Suddenly Wants a Divorce After 23 Years
When I called, I was pretty close to the edge, wishing that something would happen to me so that this could all be over. Now I cannot imagine thinking or feeling that way. I still have struggles with food and relationships, but hopefully those will work themselves out one day. Saying thank you isn't enough. I hope you come to the Northeast to speak one day soon so that I can properly thank you.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Suddenly Wants a Divorce After 23 Years
What a wonderful, wishing you all a wonderful holiday season. Thank you for all you do. We got this right before the holidays.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Suddenly Wants a Divorce After 23 Years
You know what happened to my finger.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Suddenly Wants a Divorce After 23 Years
No. It's on there for those that are watching.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Suddenly Wants a Divorce After 23 Years
Pretty much. So last week, I was making dinner with a mandolin slicer, and I cut off about the top, the whole quarter inch of the finger. I don't recommend doing it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Suddenly Wants a Divorce After 23 Years
It looks gnarly. Yeah, because they had to cauterize it at the ER, so it's like all black. Here is a PSA to everyone. According to the nurse at the emergency room, it is the most dangerous kitchen appliance, and they get at least one a week in. So get rid of your mandolin slicers or at least use a glove or something. It's not worth the nicely chopped cucumbers. That's what I was chopping. Okay.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Suddenly Wants a Divorce After 23 Years
And you're not the only person that thought that either.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Suddenly Wants a Divorce After 23 Years
It's a mandolin slicer. You know what I'm talking about though, right? When you're slicing and it slices real thin slices of something.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Suddenly Wants a Divorce After 23 Years
But these are a lot faster, but they're very dangerous apparently. So it's just like a food slicer. And, yeah, a lot of people thought that I was really like shredding.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Suddenly Wants a Divorce After 23 Years
Like Duke Silver? So hard that I cut part of my finger off.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Wife Suddenly Wants a Divorce After 23 Years
I wish it were, but that's not it, unfortunately. I was chopping up some cucumbers.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m in Love With Two Brothers
Yes. We are giving Ray a free will. Amazing. Yes. Good call on that. Such a huge thing that she needs to do because it'll still, even if, you know, he doesn't have anything, it'll still go through probate. It'll still be, there's a lot of things. That's right. So, yeah, we're going to hook her up there.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m in Love With Two Brothers
I know. I mean, there is no up from here. This is it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m in Love With Two Brothers
Yeah, I think we'll make it. I don't know that we will know who the president is, even when this airs in December. I still think it'll be litigious. That's the biggest word you've ever used. Look at you. I know.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m in Love With Two Brothers
No, no, no, no. You're not taking any credit for that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m in Love With Two Brothers
I hope so. Just because I want it to be done. I want it to be over at this point.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
All right, this is from Dominique. She says, my husband has never been a great gift giver. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, it always has me thinking of things for ideas for our family members, and he really puts no thought into any of it. When he buys things for me, I don't feel like he puts any thought or barely any into the gifts he gets me.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
This year for Christmas, I gave him a list of about 10 gift ideas all with various price ranges. The only thing from that list he got me was candy and it wasn't even the kind I asked for. I thanked him for the gifts he did that he did get me and I haven't said anything further. However, I'm quietly upset about his lack of effort or thoughtfulness.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
Do I have the right to be upset or should I just be grateful that I got anything at all?
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
I don't know if you remember, but I think it was after my birthday or Mother's Day a couple years ago. And I texted you because I had that same thing where I like to bake. And everything that I'd gotten for Christmas or my birthday or whatever it was, was kitchen stuff.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
And I remember having my feelings hurt because I thought, oh, so this is all like, y'all just go in there and bank me something, you know? And I've reached out to you and you said, well, have you ever told him? I was like, well, no, he should know. And you were like, no. And so this past year was the first year that I said something to my husband and he said, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
I just know you like to bake and I thought these were things you'd want. And then I was like, he's right. They were things I wanted.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
Right. I get that. And I did. And then he's like, and so he was, he was. so upset and baffled that I thought this. And then I realized, well, yeah, because he knows I love doing that and he's buying me something he loves that he thinks I'll love. And the thing was, I did like most of them, but this year he, I asked him, I said, would it help you if I gave you a list? And he said, tremendously.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
Now the difference is he got me almost everything on my list and for him, it took the pressure off. I got what I wanted and it was great. And he got me a few surprises and it was great. Now, she may have to have another conversation. I had to go a layer deeper and tell him why those gifts quote-unquote hurt my feelings, which is stupid, but the idea of what I was feeling.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
And then he was like, oh, I'm so sorry I never meant that. And then when he explained why he got me those things, I realized, oh, that's really sweet. It was just a conversation.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
Oh, I think it happens a lot.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
There's a SNL. You could look it up with Kristen Wiig where she's the mom and it's all Christmas morning. And it's hilarious, the whole thing about her getting just a robe. It's worth watching. Yeah. But also, you know what? If you don't like what he gets you, tell him, hey, get me gift cards and let me go shopping. That's right. Because I love to go shopping with other people's money.
The Dr. John Delony Show
Dad Slept With My Wife’s Mom (It Ruined Everything)
So tell him that. Yes. Make it easy.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
All right, this is from Cheryl in Cleveland, Tennessee. She says, how do I tell my sister who I love and respect that I don't want her to evangelize to my neighbors and strangers when we are out together? We are of different faiths and it is difficult for me to feel comfortable after she does this. I have tried, but I think she believes that she is doing God's work and that trumps my opinion.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
Yeah, it does sound like. I mean, she's already told her, so.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
I think at this point, the ball's. I don't think she's the problem. I don't think there's a problem here. But now she gets to choose.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
Yeah, it makes me wonder almost, and this is purely conjecture. Does Cheryl, I mean, she said they were of different faiths.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
Doesn't like the message, yeah. And it may be, I don't know if Cheryl is of like, I don't want to say no faith, but you know, she's a non-believer or just a completely different faith.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
But I think, yeah, is the issue that Cheryl has more of an issue with it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
Without having to be joyful myself.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
Trying to inject some color into a very drab winter. January is just...
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
Well, like yesterday, I had on all black, black shirt, black pants, everything. But I had on hot pink shoes because I was like, dang it. We'll wear some color somewhere.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
Hey, I wanted to point out real quick, and you and I talked about this off air, but if our previous caller is listening, just Google the poem, Welcome to Holland.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
Why is it... Poem, poem. What is it I say weird there?
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
A story. Poem. It's a short story called... Poem sounds like a... Poem. Poem. A poem. Is that better?
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
Anyway, a short story written by a woman, a special needs parent. It's called Welcome to Holland, and it's just a great story about – this is from a mother's perspective of giving birth and thinking that I'm going to have a quote-unquote typical child. And then you have a special needs child. But it's a great way to think about it of this isn't better or worse. It's just different.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
And now I have to think differently. But to any – I was thinking about that with her. It's a great story to read. The whole idea is you've planned for a trip to Italy. You've got – you've done all the research. You've got all the books. You've done everything you could do. You get on the plane because you're going to Italy. You've planned for it for months.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
You get off, and they say, welcome to Holland. And you're like, wait, what? Yes. So now all of a sudden Holland is beautiful.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
But I'm not in Italy. Right. But I'm here. It's pretty cool. But I have to learn now.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
I didn't plan for any of this, so now I have to learn about it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
And then the idea is, but the tulips, the whole like thing about it is, but the tulips are pretty in Holland. That's right. Yeah. So it's a great, I mean, story, short story, whatever we're calling it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
No, I don't think I'll be downloading that one on my playlist anytime soon.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
Yes, I know. I can tell.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
Just not sound like Sebastian Bach, just so we're aware.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
All right, so this is from Jessica, and she says... I read a lot. I'd say 40% romance books. Many have explicit scenes. I've recently gotten to a discussion with a friend, and I'm wondering if I'm the problem. A friend said I was reading porn, and it is the same as watching porn. I disagree for two major reasons. One, no real person is being harmed, trafficked, taken advantage of.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
Regardless of where you stand on sex work, there's actually none of that happening in books. Two, if my book is 300 pages, maybe 30 or 40 pages is quote unquote porn. The rest is enjoyable. That's fine because of the other 80 to 90% that's actually character development and plot. Even in the quote-unquote smut books that are 50% explicit, I'm still reading 150 pages of plot. What do you think?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
Are explicit romance books just as bad for our minds and bodies as videos? And my ruining my chances for healthy relationships? Or is mixing in a little romance between real books okay now and then?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
No, I did not. But I was, never had really thought of it this way. And I was very, very curious to hear your thoughts on it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
I tried to read the first one of those and could not even get into the book. But the Game of – A Court of Roses and Thorns or whatever. But there's a whole – I think that's a whole genre now, fantasy.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
I don't know what you call it. It's like Hogwarts after dark, right? Yeah.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
I think I agree with you pretty much 100% on this. I would love to see like a brain scan because we've seen brain scans of when men watch porn.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
Yeah, I would love to see a woman reading one of these books, what it does. Is it the same? Because I'm like you, I don't think it would be, but I don't know. They're not the type of books I read.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
I read three kinds, murder, history, or biographies. That's pretty much all I read. Right. But I did try the – because I knew the whatever court of – whatever it was called, the fairy porn. I tried, and I was like, I can't. I mean, they're not even human. Whatever.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
Yeah, Hogwarts has kids in it, so let's not. That's a children's thing.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
So let's not besmirch that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
But I agree with you that I can't think it's the same, but I think it's all about the – Escaping. If you are escaping something and this is your real life.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
Oh, yeah. Sometimes I just want to read a book. But it's being intentional.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
I'm intentionally, I don't want to deal with this. I'm going to just get to live in this world.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
Maybe that's it. If you can't have a life outside of this world, then we've got a problem. There you go. But it is a thing now. It is a huge, huge money-making genre now.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
I think the first one, I mean, Fifty Shades of Grey started all of it. I think that was the first one.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
I think that was the first one I remember hearing about.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
Yeah, but that was the first one I remember hearing from even my friends. Like, oh my gosh, I read this book. And I'm sure it was out there before, but not that explicit. Gotcha. Yeah.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Loses It After 10 Minutes With The Kids
I hope not for people. That's not good if it does.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Won’t Try New Things in Bed
I think that, I think you did a great job on that, no question. And as a mother, I know where you're coming from, but I don't think having kids is for everyone.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Won’t Try New Things in Bed
I think that there are some people that, for whatever reason, shouldn't, can't, don't want to, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now as a woman, if you say like, I don't want to have kids, that's hard because we're supposed to. You know, because there was a point in my life, because I've known, you know, since I was a teenager that I couldn't biologically have children.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Won’t Try New Things in Bed
There was a point in my life when I was okay with that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Won’t Try New Things in Bed
And I remember, but it's like, but then, you know, what's your purpose, basically, you know, for living? And, but, so that's hard as a woman to say that I don't want kids, because I think you get a lot of flack. But I just don't think it is for everybody.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Won’t Try New Things in Bed
Right. Well, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Won’t Try New Things in Bed
Yeah, I'm picturing you in a tutu now, which I'd rather not.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Won’t Try New Things in Bed
Trust me, it's not my choice. No, I get it, and I understand that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Won’t Try New Things in Bed
Yeah, and like I said, as a parent, I understand where you're coming from on it 100%, but I also know it's just not for everybody.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Won’t Try New Things in Bed
And we don't want it to be for everybody. I mean, not because it's exclusive to only these people, but... Some people shouldn't.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Won’t Try New Things in Bed
Can't. Yeah, and I mean, I understand that. You know, ours were adopted. Heck yeah. But some people just want to be the best aunt or uncle, and we need those people.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Won’t Try New Things in Bed
Right, and that makes sense. So, yeah, I get it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Won’t Try New Things in Bed
No, I don't think you stepped in it at all. I just wanted to mention that little piece. And again, we talked about this before. Just for those that are sitting out there right now that are like, I have no desire to ever have children. My husband and I are fine. And they're okay with that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Won’t Try New Things in Bed
There's a lot of people on this earth. A lot of people. Maybe a few less isn't a horrible thing.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Won’t Try New Things in Bed
I love the holidays. I'm going to my husband's family and I love them. We have fun together. Great. Fantastic.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Caught My Mom Having An Affair
All right, before I read this, I really, really, really, really need some am I the problems and cool crap that happens.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Caught My Mom Having An Affair
So send those to johndeloney.com slash ask. And in the top of the little box where you type your question, put... Cool crap that happened. Am I the problem? Please send them in.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Caught My Mom Having An Affair
This is from Nicole in Pennsylvania, and she writes, I am 47, and my mom is in her late 70s and lives in another state. I am always the one who calls her. She seldom ever calls me to see how I'm doing or to check in on the grandkids. It's always bothered me, but I just deal with it and call her anyways. She's retired, so she has plenty of time. Am I the problem, or should I bring this up to her?
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Caught My Mom Having An Affair
Am I right? Yeah, but I almost guarantee because her mom's like, well, I don't want to bother her. I know she's busy.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Caught My Mom Having An Affair
And my dad when I was 21. Your mom passed away a year ago, right?
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Caught My Mom Having An Affair
Yeah. Because my mom would have been that way of like, well, I don't want to bother you. I know you're busy with the kids. And I think, you know, you'll give me a call when you have time. That would have been, that 100% would have been my mom. Call her. Call your mom. She, I guarantee you, she wants to hear from you. I'm getting close to having a son move out.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I Caught My Mom Having An Affair
And I can already see where I'll be like, well, he's probably busy. But it will brighten her day when she hears from you. Call your mom.
The Oprah Podcast
Oprah and Business Leader Mellody Hobson Share the Money Advice You Need to Know Now
Well, I wanted to start by saying I'm so glad to share this space with both of you. Nobody can break down financial systems and barriers and things like that on their own, but financial education and access means everything.
The Oprah Podcast
Oprah and Business Leader Mellody Hobson Share the Money Advice You Need to Know Now
I will say for us in our home, I have a four-year-old and a six-year-old, and they're young, and you always are trying to figure out what is an age-appropriate way to explain anything to them because out of nowhere, they're going to ask you questions you're not prepared for. Where do babies come from? Why does mommy have a mustache today? All those things.
The Oprah Podcast
Oprah and Business Leader Mellody Hobson Share the Money Advice You Need to Know Now
And so, you know, we've been trying to figure out the most age appropriate ways to explain money because they've had a lot of questions. And it started this summer where, you know, I'm spending a lot of time in my office here on my computer. And, you know, they'd say, close your work, get out of your office. What are you doing? And my husband was explaining to them to be quiet now.
The Oprah Podcast
Oprah and Business Leader Mellody Hobson Share the Money Advice You Need to Know Now
Mommy's working and, you know, the work she's doing on the computer or when he's out in the field that pays for, you know, our house and the food you need and the toys you enjoy. And also there are some kids that don't have any of those things. And it's one thing to explain it to them, but it's another thing to put it in practice.
The Oprah Podcast
Oprah and Business Leader Mellody Hobson Share the Money Advice You Need to Know Now
So this summer we did an experiment and we gave them each three dollars and took them to the dollar store. and had them pick what they wanted. And they had to decide, do I want these five things, but I only have $3? Do I want this candy versus this toy? Which one's going to last longer and bring me more joy? So those trade-offs, they had to figure out.
The Oprah Podcast
Oprah and Business Leader Mellody Hobson Share the Money Advice You Need to Know Now
And there was some disappointment and there were some learnings there. We also went to the Lego store at one point and my son was like, these things are 189 bucks. So similar reaction as Everest had. Yes.
The Oprah Podcast
Oprah and Business Leader Mellody Hobson Share the Money Advice You Need to Know Now
Yeah. So my question is, you know, at the ages of four and six, what is the age appropriate way to explain the power of money?
The Oprah Podcast
Oprah and Business Leader Mellody Hobson Share the Money Advice You Need to Know Now
Yeah, dollars. Yeah. Other parents. So to your point on cash, you know, I have a friend who, you know, if her daughter wants extra dessert, she's got to pay a dollar for it or extra screen time or something like that. Again, knowing and understanding the tradeoffs, but physically holding that money does make a difference.
The Oprah Podcast
Oprah and Business Leader Mellody Hobson Share the Money Advice You Need to Know Now
Oh, hello.
The Oprah Podcast
Oprah and Business Leader Mellody Hobson Share the Money Advice You Need to Know Now
Yeah.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
Jade needs to make that a magnet for sure. She's bringing out her inner Dave.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
You know what? So people can see that as soon as they or blimp the fridge because we know they go to the fridge like 5,000 times a day. Amen and amen.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
Well, I am – thank you all for taking my call. I'm 39. My husband is 42. Our household income is $100,000 to $110,000 a year.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
um we've been married for almost 13 years um we um our net worth is around 1.1 hey um but that yeah that does include our house and my husband said that that's really not included he doesn't yes it is we would beg to differ we would beg to differ what what what kind of yeah what if we included the house what would it be No, that is with the house.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
He says that we're not over that because... He wants to see cash money in the bank.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
Just between us. Yes, okay. We do have a $5,000 emergency fund. I have all of our life insurance through Zander, like you all taught me.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
um we are avid dave fans um we've been trying to live by your old rule ever since we got married um and he he's lived by that rule ever since he was like 14 he just said i didn't listen until i started listening to dave so um but i have a i have a couple questions okay we got we got about a minute and a half so you got to get to them real fast
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
Okay, I max out our Roth IRA, our 401K, and we contribute about $1,000 to $2,000 to a mutual fund, and then the $7,000 max for each of us for our Roth. I don't feel – where do we go from here? I feel like because we're maxing everything out – You know, what do we do from here? I'm honestly, I'm getting ready to turn 40. I'm a little off. Yeah. And I'm thankful that we don't have any bills.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
But also, too, our mutual funds are only going like 6% to 8%. Okay. I got to let Jay jump in here. Go ahead, Jay.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
Hi. So I need advice on what to do. So we just realized that my mother-in-law had stolen from my husband and I for the second time. The first time was last year that we discovered it. My husband's debit card numbers kept getting stolen even after he changed it six times. Come to find out. It was my mother-in-law. She stole every time he was home.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
She somehow went to his wallet and grabbed his debit card, wrote down the numbers. She used it to pay bills. How much? We tracked $1,000, and then we stopped tracking it. Because you didn't want to keep getting that. No.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
Um, I, I would say four months before we realized it. I actually realized it when I was looking over my husband. Uh, well then we were just, uh, dating or engaged. I can't remember. And he was just showing it to me and I was just like, well, just let me read it. So I looked at it and I said, wait, babe, these are all utility bills. So someone's paying utilities and he's like, Oh, okay.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
So we looked and my husband, like a couple of days later, found a utility bill that was paid with the last four digits of his car in his mom's name. So we confronted her. Well, How'd that go? He confronted her. How'd that go? Not well. Not well. She, unfortunately, is an alcoholic.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
And so it's rough, especially because just under a little over a month ago, we were ready with $5,000 cash to bail her out of her sixth OWI because otherwise her son was going to be hurt. My brother-in-law, who is... now 17 was going to be put in foster care and we were going to be his foster parents up until he turned 18. Oh, wow.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
And so we didn't, we were going to like, okay, we're going to bail you out. We, and we even told her like, this is a gift. We don't want you to return it. Like this is just rough. So she was ordered to not, we even were driving a total of six hours a day. When I say we, I mean me because my husband was working and I would drive an hour to pick her up
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
an hour to drop her off from her home to then work and then an hour back. And then I would go back and I would go get her. And we finally stopped after we found out she was driving when she wasn't supposed to. And so we said, we're not going to be complicit in this.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
We're not going to turn you in, but we're not going to be a part, part of our bargain to not asking for any money back was that you didn't break the law again.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
We need help with the current situation of her stealing $13,000 from his UTMA account.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
Yes. She set it up for him. He was in a really bad car accident. So because he was a minor, the money was then dispersed to her. And then at the same time, his parents were going through a divorce. So part of the custody agreement was instead of just giving the money and letting it sit in a bank account, put it in an utmost trust. So she did that.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
And then in 2008, she took out a little over $6,000. And then in 2015, she took out another $6,000. little over six grand, of a total withdrawal of $13,186.43. No, we get it. She's got access to this, though. She did. Yep. So now my husband's 22 and has rights.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
And so when we talked with our accountant and we talked to the investor, she's not, according to like up my IRS stuff or whatever that we are being told is that she can't pull out any money unless it's to benefit the minor. She just did.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
No, no, no, no, no. That was the total amount. It wasn't recently that she did it. She did it in 2008 once and in 2015. We only found out now because the statements are now being mailed to my husband.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
No, what had happened was it was while he was still living there. So we didn't move in together until after we were married. And he lived with his mom. When we found out about it, he did end up getting an apartment for six months. And then we moved in together because we were married. I get it.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
Um, she was court ordered to with the other five OWIs, but it never ended up helping or doing anything. Unfortunately, she did the program enough to get the boys out of foster care when they were removed from her care. And then as soon as she got them back and the court order was finished, she went back to drinking.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
He is still living with mom.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
Hi, thank you for taking my call. My question today is I'm trying to figure out what to do with my credit card debt. I have no other debt other than credit card debt. I fell on hard times with work last year, and I've been having a tough time actually landing a job since then. Still working at it, but it's getting harder in the field that I'm in.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
And I have some business credit cards and some personal credit cards. My business credit cards have been charged off as of last month. My personal credit cards have been current. I've been able to maintain those with the little bit of savings that I've had left with the hopes that I was going to get a job soon, but it hasn't happened yet.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
So I'm wondering what to do with my personal credit as it's getting harder to pay those balances and the minimum payment.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
The personal credit card debt is $36,000 and the business credit cards are $23,000. What kind of business was it? It's an IT consulting business.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
I'm still doing it because that's what I've been doing for many years and just really trying to find something where I can make the money that I was making before I got laid off.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
Okay. Well, my credit card debt racked up really over just maintaining regular monthly bills, which aren't really high. They are roughly about $1,000 per month. Answer Jade's question.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
beforehand i was making about 10 000 a month but you make it about 120 go ahead i was going to say it's not 120 000 because i'm a consultant so it's not consistent throughout the year okay how many months of the year do you make i mean if you say to me hey i make 120 000 a year yeah it can fluctuate but you still made 120 000 in the year um Well, it can go from anywhere.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
You can be unemployed with what I do anywhere from three to six months. If you get a year, then that's nice.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
Well, I did try. And that was another part of it is that it may sound like I'm not trying. I tried to go to restaurants to see if someone would hire me for waitressing, hosting, different things. And why didn't they? What do you think the reason was? I mean, I don't want to really I mean, I don't know what the reason is. Honestly, I don't know. I know why I can't get a job in my field.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
But the reason that I can't get a regular job doing something outside of what I do, I don't know. I mean, I would think anyone can get hired in a restaurant, but apparently not.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
I didn't do anything that was not going to be able to pay my bills. Not really.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
I did have unemployment. That's how I was able to pay my rent. My rent was $2,500 a month.
The Ramsey Show
The Key to Transformation Is Admitting You Have a Problem
I went to, like, five different restaurants. I went to another... I went to a bar. I went to lounges to try to apply for work.
The Ramsey Show
Your Income Is Your Greatest Wealth Building Tool
My question is where would a vasectomy reversal sit in on the baby steps? I've looked into my insurance and my fiance's and neither one covered it. It's going to be about $10,000, and we do have consumer debt. Obviously not working that together at the moment, waiting until we get married, but just kind of wanting to plan. Do we pause that and stock up the money because we want to start a family?
The Ramsey Show
Your Income Is Your Greatest Wealth Building Tool
He's 42, and I'm 33, so I'm a little bit older, too, so we're not wanting to wait.
The Ramsey Show
Your Income Is Your Greatest Wealth Building Tool
Yeah, we're going to wait until we get married.
The Ramsey Show
Your Income Is Your Greatest Wealth Building Tool
That's kind of the plan. I'm a little nervous, just not for the financial aspect, but for the medical risks involved with the procedure. But he's talked to his doctor and is willing and all in. So, yeah, we're going to want to start as soon as possible.
The Ramsey Show
Your Income Is Your Greatest Wealth Building Tool
George, we do make $165,000 combined, so it shouldn't take more than three months.
The Ramsey Show
Your Income Is Your Greatest Wealth Building Tool
Yeah, um... I mean, we can, our finances obviously aren't combined and we are both working them separately. So he has, you know, a second job as well. I am working towards that as well. So, I mean, it's possible that we might be able to knock out a lot of it in the next six months.
The Ramsey Show
Your Income Is Your Greatest Wealth Building Tool
Yeah, it's going to be a small one.
The Ramsey Show
Your Income Is Your Greatest Wealth Building Tool
No, so it would be like an elopement situation where it would be a five-day wedding slash honeymoon and then come back.
The Ramsey Show
Your Income Is Your Greatest Wealth Building Tool
Well, he has to meet with a specialist, a urologist, but he's talked to his general doctor about it, and they see no problems with his age or the reversal, but they want him to go to the urologist to get it scheduled.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
Confusing. My parents were doing very, very, very well before 2008. And then the recession happened. And so I remember, all I remember is going from we don't talk about it and really aren't worried about it to like, we can't buy milk anymore and we only go into town once a week. I remember that being like frustrating, confusing, but I could tell that my parents were really upset and anxious.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
And so it wasn't something where I felt like I could like be curious about it. It was just kind of like, this is how life is now. No questions asked. I don't remember having any conversations about money. I don't remember ever learning about money. I kind of wish I had had allowance because maybe I would have learned sooner like what budgeting was.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
and learned at a younger age maybe some of those natural consequences of like okay this is the money that you have so if you spend this money on this stuffed animal then you don't have any more money until your next allowance right or whatever i just i wasn't taught anything about it i mean nothing i went into my adult life having absolutely no clue about money
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
So I got lip injections, which is not something I ever thought I would do, but... if they're free, why the hell not? That's really cool. Um, we did over $10,000 today at the spa and, um, we've had some really good days like that where it's 10, 15, 20, 25, sometimes more, um, in a day, which is incredible. Um, Days like today where there's a lot of money passing through my hands.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
It's such an interesting type of day. Sometimes I do see the dichotomy of having my feelings about money where I feel trapped. It's something I'm never going to escape where I can't work hard enough to get out of this. Sometimes I see people come in and Because I work at the front desk, I build those invoices and I see the tickets and I know how much they're about to spend.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
And some of these people, it's like seven or eight grand and they won't even stop at the desk to like hear how much it was. They're just like, OK, thank you guys so much for everything. Give me a call. You have my card on file and I'll see you in four weeks. And they just walk out the door and they don't know or care that I'm about to charge eight thousand dollars to their card.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
Like that is incredible. It's insane to me. And my boss caught me at one point like in shock about that. And she was like, does that make you like mad? And I was like, no, it's not even mad. Like, I guess jealous. Maybe I'm jealous. that someone has that experience of life that I, you know, I don't think I'll ever experience that.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
Maybe I will, but I just think they have a different experience of being alive. I did end up spending more money today than I had anticipated. I got gas and I thought
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
No, no. I have never felt that kind of freedom around money. I think about money every day, multiple times a day. And sometimes it wins. Like on Friday, Ben and I had a...
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
a moment where it was like I'm really stressed out about money and I don't feel like you're on the same page with me and I was like I don't feel like you're on the same page with me because I'm not so stressed about money right now because actually I think we're doing well and the reality is what that means is we just need to sit down and have a budget meeting there are two possible relationships with money either it's in control of you or you're in control of it and the moment that you're afraid to look at your bank account you've lost control
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
So like that's the moment when you need to just dig into that feeling of fear and just redo your budget because it puts you back into that control. Do you feel in control?
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
think i feel as in control as i possibly can be but god it's frustrating that there are these things that are bigger than us and out of our control yeah you know like god forbid our rent gets raised in november i don't i don't know but that shit is not in my control
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
I got summoned to jury duty in the mail yesterday. So I had to fill out a form basically and to see if I like qualify, like capable. And I am really hoping that I don't get called because I'm hourly. And so depending on... It gave like a range. It was like for basically the whole month of September, it was like 9-2 to 9-21, I think is what it said.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
How much school debt do you have? I have $150,000. I had more. I had $300,000 after my master's. I had a great uncle pass away who was an artist and my parents chose with their share of that that they would help pay off all my private loans. And so that was a crazy night. I remember pressing submit on $150,000 payment and just being like, holy shit.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
And so if it actually went on that long, I would have to be unpaid that whole time because I don't have PTO. And I wish that on the jury duty thing, they gave a place where you could explain that, but... Also, I guess that that would mean that the only people on juries were people who were financially stable and were like salaried employees or on some other kind of like supplemental income.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
But like it would be bad if there were no hourly employees on juries, I guess. But I hope it's not me. You know what is the worst? Those apps like Afterpay and Affirm and all of those. I mean, I love them and also I hate it.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
One of my friends had a birthday last month and I bought her this framed picture of she and I and I used the Afterpay app and so it's been like, you know, every week I have a payment of $19 and so even though I
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
didn't intend to spend any money today I actually spent $19 because that payment came out it was $19.80 I'm pretty sure oh another thing that I forgot last weekend my prescription sunglasses broke which is devastating because it means I have to drive in my regular prescription glasses and when it is super bright outside that Hurts my face. And so I did have to get some prescription sunglasses.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
And it was $125. Anyway, hopefully those get here soon. I think that's about it. Over and out.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
I'm doing good. What are you thinking about having today? I need some coffee. I do too. Okay, I just left the Harmon's with my coffee, said bye to John, ate my banana, and I'm walking back to work. Sometimes it's really hard because...
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
I will do things like that like didn't make my coffee at home so I want to get a coffee out and sometimes I guess it's hard because I make these little choices all day about my life right now right here today in this moment and I have these thoughts like Now I'm $20 further away from my goal of having a child. And it's really, maybe that's, maybe that's too much.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
Maybe that's so dramatic, but that's how it feels sometimes. Like I really want these things. I want to own a house. I want to have a child. But this morning I really wanted a coffee and it makes me feel selfish.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
And after that, we were driving home and we drove past this place that we drive past all the time. It's called Boondocks. But we like looked at it, I guess, this time as we were driving past and we saw that they have mini golf. And so we decided we had some cash and And so we decided to pop in and see how much it would cost. And it was actually just $10 a piece to do mini golf.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
So we used a $20 bill and we bought a round of mini golf. And so we played a little bit and it actually was so cool. We'll probably go back again. But it was really good. I feel like we needed to play a little bit. I think one of the hard things about feeling financially strained is that the first thing to go away is play. And I think that play is one of the ways that we connect with other people.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
And so that can be hard when it doesn't feel like connection is in your budget. So I'm glad that we decided to do that, even though it wasn't something that we had planned for or budgeted for. So we had a little dance party at our house for a little while this evening with a guest list of two. It was just me and Ben, and we
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
put on we made Alexa do funky lights in the house and we uh dressed up in a little like going to a club outfits costumes and we were like hey do you come here often do you want to like dance and we just danced and kind of hung out and played together and And then after that, we watched an episode of The Bear.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
And they were like, yay, doesn't that feel so much better? And I was kind of like, feels like 50% better and it still feels like I have still $150,000 of debt. This is Kelly.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
There was an episode that we watched tonight, without giving too many spoilers, where one of the characters is in labor and she's delivering her child. And I sobbed. I mean, like the whole episode, I was crying. She's giving birth to her first kid. And I want that so much. I want my kids to come into an environment where it's not like this.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
I want them to feel freedom and ease, and I don't want them to ever have to worry. And it's funny to realize that and know that my parents never wanted that for me either, and yet here we are. but I feel very privileged that like, no matter how bad it gets, I'm always gonna have this net that some people won't have. And I know that that sets me apart.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
It makes me very, very lucky and I'm super grateful for, I'll never be starving. But I still want the thing. I want the family and the house and the ease and not tens of thousands of dollars of debt. It is a little after midnight, so I really should probably go to bed and come at it again tomorrow and maybe it won't feel quite like this.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
Barring just a random infusion of a million dollars? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would really like to own a home before we have children. because then we are building wealth and establishing an asset. I am afraid that if we had a kid before we owned a home, that we would be lifelong renters.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
with essentially like no accruing wealth growing nothing for them like i want them to not have to feel this way i don't want to pass on a legacy of being trapped yeah i wouldn't wish that on another person in general and I certainly wouldn't wish that on anyone that I brought into the world on purpose. Okay, this is Sunday. This is my last one.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
Today we went to Costco because we needed some almond milk and eggs. So the almond milk at Costco is $13. And then for two dozen eggs, that's $9, I think. And then, of course, we had to get the $1.50 hot dogs, too, because that is like how you do life. When you have a Costco membership, you go and get your groceries and then you get the hot dog. It's $1.50.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
It helped me examine my mindset about it a little bit more. And it helped me actually not feel quite as bad. I feel a little bit better after having done it than I did before because... This is exhausting. It's exhausting to be dual income, no kids. We're both working full time. We work really hard and barely creeping forward.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
I mean, by centimeters and getting out of debt and hoping to one day be able to buy a house and start a family. And that gets really heavy. Because it is just like this big amorphous thing a lot of the time that is more of a feeling.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
And so maybe what was so helpful about it was that it did help me to be a little bit more present because it brought me back to like, okay, today, what money do I have and have I sent out into the world today? Which is, of course, all that's in our control today.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
I used to be a therapist, and... For lots of reasons I'm not right now, but I will always have therapy or coaching in my life, and I will probably go back to that full-time at some point.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
Consuming. Oh. I would describe it as all consuming. Yeah. The thing that keeps like coming to mind is, you know, when someone has like an addiction or a struggle and they caught like the monkey on their back.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
Because you just can't get away from it. It's just clinging and it's present with you all the time. It feels like that. And I try really hard to like be in control, like maintain my control. Yeah. But it's kind of this tug of war.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
On a Sunday, I will sit down and look at the budget. And I made a spreadsheet.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
So rent and utilities, twenty eight hundred. That's pretty expensive for rent. Anytime I tell someone that they're like, that's more than my mortgage. I'm like, yeah, I I know. Please don't tell me what your mortgage is. I don't want to know.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
Gas, $125. Do you have a car payment? No, we just buy used cars. Nice. Ben's car, basically the roof flies off, but you know, just don't take it on the highway, you know? We don't have a car payment. Who needs a roof? Yeah, who needs that? It's a convertible.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
And then groceries. This one sucks the most right now, and I really feel like everyone will understand. I put $600 a month for groceries. And I mean, that includes like toiletries and stuff too.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
Medications and supplements like Ben works out. So he has like this huge bag of protein powder that he gets from Costco. So Ben's is mostly workout supplements and just one medication. And mine is, I think like Four medications and, like, a probiotic and some multivitamins. Total for that is $6.50. Streaming platforms? No.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
My hair. I put $40 next to my hair and that's so I can spend that $40 and get my hair washed by somebody else one time every month. And it is like the gift to me to have somebody else wash my hair every once in a while. Isn't that shitty that like even now just reading my own budget that it really is just my business.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
I still feel the need to justify like I just need to treat myself sometimes and have my hair washed.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
Around $4,800 a month, but then you get to debt. How much debt do you have? A lot. If you are including my student loans, we have $202,728 in debt. Where did you go to school? I went to Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee. Why did you go to school? I thought I was supposed to because I was told that, you know, this is this is the next step.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
And I think this is part of like the the dream or the lie that was sold to my generation was like, if you don't go to college, you're going to end up working at McDonald's. You know, like you're going to be a deadbeat and you're going to have to live with your parents and you're probably going to use marijuana even. Yeah.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
You know, like, you're going to be a bad person, essentially, if you don't go to college.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
Oh, no, it's a good question. I didn't. I did not think about it. I had no clue what I was doing. It wasn't like, hmm, I wonder how I'm going to pay this off when the average annual salary for a therapist is, $40,000 to $60,000 a year, I was not thinking about that. I had no idea what I was doing, and I didn't really have anyone around me who was explaining what I was doing.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
Like, your prefrontal cortex is not developed when you are making those decisions. Ultimately, I don't regret anything because I am who I am, and I'm happy, but I'm financially trapped.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
But I'm feeling curious. I'm just curious to see what comes of it.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
Day one. Today's a Monday and yesterday we bought groceries. So we got 17 items at Costco. We got bean and cheese burritos. I like those for breakfast. 35 count of Diet Coke. Some smoked salmon. 24 count of eggs, Cheerios, sourdough, 4 pounds of apples, 12 count of bagels, a big vegetable mix, blueberries, peanut butter, egg whites, tortillas, chicken salad, Ritz crackers, and some razor refills.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
It was $250.38. I got paid on Friday. I put a chunk toward our rent. I put a chunk toward credit card. Now, the thing that I forgot about was that my student loan payment was going to come out this morning. So it overdrew my account, which is embarrassing as an almost 32 year old to overdraw your account. It's just, it's embarrassing. It's something that
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
You know, you do when you're 22 because you're not paying attention and you're not being responsible. And while that's not the case, it's still what it feels like. So I had to actually ask my dad. And my dad very graciously gave me a couple hundred dollars. And so now my account is back in the positive. And yeah, I...
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
struggle not to wonder when it's ever gonna not feel like that when we'll have enough that i can forget oh yeah this bill is gonna come due today and i can forget and it won't be a problem it won't it won't overdraw it won't be the last of the money you know until the next paycheck so okay that's those are my thoughts good night
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
Okay, so I did not spend any money today. I brought my lunch, so that was good. I had a unique experience today where I actually got some money back. which is a fun and exciting thing to happen. So the story is that I had started a laser hair removal membership about a year and a half ago because I have PCOS. So I had hair on my neck. and chin and chest that I wanted removed.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
So I started a laser hair membership. And when we moved out here, it was just a lot more expensive living out here, and it was something that I could afford when we were in Tennessee, but I could no longer afford but I thought I was locked into this contract. Anyway, I was convinced to call them and just see what they could do. And so any of the like services that I had,
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
paid for already but hadn't redeemed all of that I'm actually going to get that back and so today when I was looking at my bank account I saw these charges and I was like wait what the hell are these until I realized that they were actually green and so they're positive and that's money coming back toward my account which is super exciting so it's going to be
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
actually like a thousand dollars which is huge i'm just gonna put that straight toward my apple credit card um so i'm really excited that's like actually a huge deal it's a huge dent um it it gets us ahead on our debt snowball by like three months if i just put all of that money immediately toward that card which is so freaking cool
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
Because I can solve the problem in my head. I can solve the problem in theory. And I can even work it out on paper with formulas and make it color coordinated. And it makes it feel so simple and accomplishable. Even though when I look at my spreadsheet, we're not debt-free from just cards. Again, not including my student loans. We're not debt-free until... almost 2027 doing our debt snowball.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
And that's if we do it perfectly and nothing happens. So even though that's like a very future distant success of being debt-free, I think there's something satisfying about the fact that I can see it on the paper when it finally hits zero. It just makes a very black and white formulaic easy. It's simple when in real life it's not. Where did you learn to do that? Dave Ramsey, I think.
What We Spend
Trapped by Student Debt
I had to learn so much shit for myself because it just wasn't stuff that we talked about. And when I have brought that up, like, why didn't we ever talk about that? They're like, we just didn't know that we needed to, you know? And then I think... God, my parents were my age with two kids, and they were just figuring it out also.