On today’s episode, we hear about: · A son trying to process his mom’s affair · A wife struggling with not having her needs met in the marriage · A mom wondering how to have a conversation with her daughters about cosmetic surgery Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🔴 Get 15% off with code DELONY at Bon Charge. 🌿 Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 🥤 Get 20% off with code DELONY at Organifi. 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🏋️ Go to Trainwell to get started! Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: How did Joey find out about his mom's affair?
I discovered that my mother was having an affair, and I found a box of condoms in my car after she borrowed them. From your mom? Yeah, I had to confront her on it. Dude, hold on.
How old are you? I'm 20. Nobody should find a box of condoms after their mom borrowed their car, dude. What's going on? What up, what up? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show, taking your calls on your... Man, it's tough to be in relationships these days.
Whether you're dating, you're trying to date, or trying to figure out how to be married in a culture that is obsessed with you not being married very well. Man, trying to raise kids in a sideways world. trying to, man, deal with in-laws, all of it. Or if you're dealing with your mental and emotional health or you're dealing with all of that in a big cocktail, that's what this show is about.
Me sitting with whoever you happen to be all over the world, hurting people everywhere, trying to figure out what's the next right move for me to make. I'd love to have you on the show. Go to johndeloney.com slash ask, A-S-K, and fill out the form and send it in, and we will see if we can build a show with you in it. I'd love to have you on the show. For real.
For those of you who've been brave and joined me, thank you so, so much. And for everybody who has hit the subscribe buttons or been listening to us just quietly in the shadows for all those years, thank you so, so much for being in the gang. All right, let's go out to New York and talk to, hey, Joey. What's up, Joey?
How's it going, Dr. John?
Doing all right, brother. What's up, man?
So I discovered that my mother was having an affair. At first, she kind of tried to deny it and lie about it. And she just said, you know, it was a one-time thing, but it was pretty clear cut that the evidence was there. And it came to a boiling point, um, where she finally admitted it and came out with the truth. But how to, obviously my father's very distraught by this. Um, how did he find out?
She borrowed my car and I found a box of condoms in my car after she borrowed them. Oh God. After she borrowed the car. From your mom? Yeah, I had to confront her on it. Dude, hold on.
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Chapter 2: What advice does Dr. John Delony give to Joey?
Not trying to drink this away, not trying to ignore this away, not trying to lie this away, but also not trying to solve it. It's just this uncomfortable tension that's just going to be for a while. And dude, you didn't do anything to cause it. I'm sorry it happened.
Yeah.
Are you living at home?
That's kind of the biggest thing. I've told my dad, I said... I've already explained to him. I said, you know, I'm always here for you. I get you have emotion because he's like, I feel sorry that, you know, that you guys have to go through this. And I said, man, it's not your fault. And whatever your decision, whatever going forward it is, I'm here for you.
I support you in whatever it is that you want to do moving forward with this.
And let me tell you, that's a great blessing you give to your dad. Yeah. That I'll love you no matter what. You want to keep this marriage together, I'm going to love you. And you say, I'm out, I'm going to love you.
that's a great blessing you are wise beyond your years my man it's an honor to get to talk to you likewise but what I don't want you to do is this will start welling up after the initial smoke wears away and right now you mentioned it feels like you're a ghost like you're in a fog it will turn to anger and rage okay and what I want you to be very careful of is what you do when you're angry
Yeah, I already kind of went through that because I found out who the guy was. Like you said, I tried to be more wise than that. I decided, you know, that's just pure emotion. And once I let that emotion get over, I was like, all right, what's the next step? I'm not going to do anything to this guy because what's that going to do for anyone? Nothing.
It's going to put you in jail. That's it.
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Chapter 3: How can a 20-year-old cope with a parent's affair?
You know what I'm saying?
I was kind of thinking about getting out of construction and doing something different like sales. Get on it. What would your thoughts be on that?
I'd say go knock your lights out. If you'll hang on the phone, I'm going to hook you up as my free gift. I'm going to hook you up with my buddy. Ken Coleman wrote a book, Work Your Wire to Do, and it's got a career assessment in there. I'm going to get that for you for free. I'm also going to send you his book. It was the number one bestseller. It's called The Proximity Principle.
And basically it's an end around. It just teaches you how to put yourself in conversations and around people that can enlighten you to the next step. And if you want to get into sales, here's the thing. The whole world moves at the speed of sales. If you're good at selling and you're a person of wisdom and you're a person of integrity, bro, the world is yours.
Yep.
And so if there's somebody on your construction team that does the sales part of the job, you may come in and say, man, I think I want a future in sales. If you don't mind being told no a lot, you don't mind being uncomfortable, you're clearly pretty good at navigating that. Bro, the world can be yours. Yeah. Or just go get a job in retail, man. You're not doing anything anyway.
Go get a job at two different retail places and just work on sales. go get a job in a car dealership and go get a job at a department store, man. And you're not going to make a jillion dollars, but you're going to slowly see how commission works. You're going to slowly see how sales work.
You're going to slowly see, I'll tell them the truth to a customer when you could get a little bit more out of this one sale. But over time, you're going to get a bunch more if you tell the truth and you, as a salesperson, you're focused on one thing, helping other people. There's that old Zig Ziglar quote. If you help enough people, you don't have to worry about money. That's going to be you.
Yeah.
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Chapter 4: What challenges does a wife face in a marriage with differing sexual needs?
I have communicated to him that, you know, while I'm understanding and I don't, I'm not angry at him for having this medical condition, you know, I still have needs as well. And that, you know, always kind of turns into him taking that extremely defensively, which is understanding and him being like, well, I feel like you are saying that I wanted this issue.
What has he done to try to solve the issue?
he has gone to a doctor in a male's clinic. We, that's where we got his testosterone, um, checked and he's fine there. Um, but with that, that's where we found out as well, the kind of, the type of ED he has.
Um, so has he tried Cialis or has he tried any of those, the medications, just the, the easy ones?
Yeah. Yeah. He's tried medication through like hymns and stuff. We've tried Viagra, um, And things still aren't really working to where it's slightly building up again in a form of also slight frustration and resentment somewhat. Because during obviously our intimate times, because I have to give so much attention to him, he's able to be fully satisfied in ways where...
I'm not because I have to be understanding of his situation. And so I feel slight buildup overall due to the fact that we're not able to physically have it very often. But also in the times that we do, I in a lot of ways feel unsatisfied because I'm not able to be taken care of due to that.
Can I throw another option out there?
Yes.
I think there's another option.
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Chapter 5: How can couples address intimacy issues in a marriage?
Yes. But that's deep. That's a piece of it. I think wanted is the story you tell yourself. And I may be out to lunch. Yeah. I think beneath that is you are trying to co-create a life with somebody that looked at you and said, I am out. Or to put it another way, he left you a long time ago. He just still lives in the same house. I don't want to talk to you about our future.
I don't want to talk to you about your needs. I don't want to talk to you about what you want. I don't want to talk to you about how we spend money. I don't want to talk to you about how we go on vacation. I want to just opt out. The direct deposit's happening. You should be happy. I'm going back to my beer and my video games.
Yeah, because... Yeah, he disassociates on his phone and he does help with the kids. And I mean, we do have opportunities of, you know, having discussions and whatnot. But what does tend to happen is every now and then I'll bring something up and he'll be like, well, I thought we were already over this. And I'm like, well, obviously not. We're not.
I just bring something up to you and I give you the opportunity as a man to step up and follow through, right? I don't want to be sitting here reminding you because then it's going to feel like I'm nagging you. So I'm going to wait a few months, see if you're actually putting forth the effort. And if you're not, then I'm going to bring it up again.
Okay, but that is the definition of nagging. Here's the difference between taking them on. I'm not leaving this room until you engage with me. If I'm not more important than your beer and I'm not more important than your phone, and I'm not more important than you have a little checklist, I played with the kids, I put two of them to bed, I changed a diaper, leave me alone.
If I'm not more important to you than that, then I want you to be a grown man and tell me you've left this marriage. On the other side, Megan, you can't cheat because you become somebody that you don't respect anymore. And it's hard to request somebody else treat you differently than you know yourself to be inside. Right?
Yeah.
And you probably spend money on the side or you have conversations on the side or you vent on the side. It's all about you're starting to circumvent the life that you had. So he's quit his life. You're starting to go around it.
Yeah, I can see that.
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Chapter 6: What are the effects of emotional neglect in a relationship?
Okay, so... From watching your show, I feel like I've gotten more insight on how my parenting affects my girls. And it kind of brought forward this question, which is, will me getting plastic surgery, specifically me getting a nose job, negatively affect my two daughters? And if so, what are some things that I can do to kind of come to peace with that part of myself?
Celine, this is the first time somebody's asked this question on the show. It's a phenomenal question.
Thank you. It's like really weighing on me.
I know it is. I know it is.
I feel like I'm like fighting with two parts of myself.
No, I totally got you. Like out of one corner of your mouth, you're telling your daughters, you're beautiful and you're strong and you could do anything and you're always enough no matter what. And then you look in the mirror and you hate what you see, huh?
Like such a hypocrite, I feel like.
I get it. It's tough, man. It's tough. Super tough. Yeah. All right. So go all the way back. How long have you... You want to get rhinoplasty? Get a nose job?
Yeah.
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Chapter 7: How does shame impact relationships and communication?
And my husband says, my God, I saw your face and I want to spend the rest of my life with that face.
Yeah, he does.
And, let's be honest, sometimes those voices don't matter. There's a voice inside of you.
Mm-hmm.
That says, I'm not beautiful.
Yeah. Yeah.
So give me not two days after because you've probably seen those after surgery photos. It looks like you've gotten a car wreck, right? I know, yeah. Wake up two months post-surgery and you look in the mirror. Not what are you going to see because they're going to get it from a six down to a three, maybe a four. Okay. So what are you going to feel?
I mean, I feel like I would probably feel the same.
How old are you?
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