The Dr. John Delony Show
I Talk to the Man Who Changed How I Connect With Others (With Will Guidara)
Wed, 11 Dec 2024
📱Early Access: Watch Episodes of The Dr. John Delony Show #1 Week Early—Download the App Today! In this episode, John sits down with Will Guidara, a New York Times bestselling author and executive producer of The Bear, to discuss hospitality, integrity and perspective. Follow Will on Instagram at @wguidara. 📘 Read Unreasonable Hospitality: The Remarkable Power of Giving People More than They Expect. 🇺🇸 Watch United States of Anxiety Exclusively on the Free Ramsey Network App! 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🌿 Get up to 40% off at Cozy Earth with code DELONY. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🥤 Get 20% off at Organifi with code DELONY. 🏔️ Head to Poncho Outdoors to check out all their styles! Listen to More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What is Unreasonable Hospitality and why is it important?
It will change how you parent, how you are married, how you show up to work, how you treat your neighbors. It's astounding how good it is, but it tracks his journey as a restaurateur, as somebody who's learning the restaurant business and takes over kind of a fledgling restaurant. Kelly, what's all the awards he's won?
So he was the co-owner of Eleven Madison Park, and they are a three Michelin star restaurant, which is – that's amazing.
It's not Arby's.
Beyond, yeah. He's also the James Beard Award winner, which to the foodies that are listening, that's a very, very big deal.
It's like an Oscar.
Yeah, definitely. And like you said, he is the executive producer of The Bear. And for those that have watched it, he's also in season three. Yes. And then, of course... They used the book throughout the whole thing. His fingerprints are over that entire show, which is so amazing.
The... The thing that Will was best known for originally besides just being an amazing guy. And when you watch this show, you'll see it. And we get into some of his childhood stuff and some really heavy stuff he experienced throughout his childhood that I think it laid the groundwork for who he has become as a father, as a husband, and as a business owner. But he took a restaurant that was good.
It was good. It was fine. It was good. And they won restaurant of the planet twice. I think it was in London or in France, wherever they get together with the fancy food places, they won it twice. And it was based on this concept of radical hospitality, unreasonable hospitality. And if you want to know more about the book, you can check it out in the show notes, but
Please invite everyone you know, gather around and listen to this episode. It will change who you are from the inside out if you start applying these principles. Will is super open about his childhood, about his mom and his dad and some of his relationships. And he's just a national treasure. And again, it's one of my great honors in my life to call Will Godera like a close buddy.
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Chapter 2: How did Will Guidara's upbringing shape his perspective on relationships?
Right, right.
The thing that I lived and died by at all these events, right? So you and I, you speak all over the place, me too, and you end up on backstage with people just like, how am I here, right? There's that guy over there and there's Jalen over here. Those are just surreal moments we all have, right? So the thing that kept me from not spooling off was the speaker scores. I always went to, okay, who won?
And there's always audience surveys and things like that. That was always like, who won? Who's doing better? How's this person doing? How's this person doing? I need to get in my room and have this little bubble, right? The night that we first met, there was a dinner and it was me and you and Jade Simmons and Jocko and Dave Ramsey. And we're having dinner.
And by the time it's over, Jocko was full Jocko and Dave was full Dave. And Jade was like, her and I were both from Houston. So there's a little, but you came in and the whole table lit up. And by the end, this is going to shock, Jocko was reciting Shakespeare. It was this whole, it was a whole thing. So then we left, right?
And if you're going to go in front of 3,000 people and tell them something they don't know about business, you have to have some sort of courage or ego, whatever you want to call it. I have to think, I'm worth X dollars to tell you guys something. So I come down the next morning and it is Jade followed by me, followed by you, then Jocko. And I get down there. And you're the first one down there.
And I was like, what are you doing? You don't speak for like three hours. And I'll never forget you said, I'm here to watch you. I was like, what do you mean? And I was like, dude, I'm here to watch you. And when I got off stage, you and Jade were the first people to greet me off stage. Like backstage, big hug. I don't know you, man. We just had dinner.
But I remember thinking, oh, that's how this is. there is a grace and a giving and a hello and a, no, we had a great dinner. It was different than just a regular dinner. Like we laughed and told Shakespeare next to a Navy. So it was kind of fun. But you can lay around in your room and act dramatic for three hours, or you can go celebrate people.
And, Will, since that day, since that day, I remember thinking, that's how this is done. It's over. And so everything, every event I've done since then has been modeling I want to make sure I'm the last guy that sees somebody. I don't care how famous you are or how not famous you are.
You're going to make sure I saw you, and I am so grateful that I get to be here with you, and I'll be the first person you get to see when you get off. Backstage, nobody in the audience sees this stuff, but that's Will Godera.
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Chapter 3: What lessons on integrity did John learn from his father?
This isn't a shaming statement. This is just an is. I hear that. And I think of a 10-year-old getting off the bus and running down the street and seeing this radiant smile a block away. And then I think of the just countless ocean of children who have able-bodied parents who are scrolling their childhoods away, just staring at their phones. You know what I mean?
And I guess for whatever it's worth, me with a young kid still, a teenager but a young kid, it's the memory that, I mean, you're talking, I can feel it on you. Like that's encoded in your nervous system that is... She didn't say the right things, for God's sakes. No. But there was not a doubt that come hell or high water, I can always come home. I've gotten her in my corner.
Dude, I felt so loved by her. For a while there, she could still move her arms a little bit. She couldn't get to me, though. She had a cane. I remember if I cursed or something before I was supposed to or allowed to, she'd call me over and hit me with the cane. And she'd be like, come here. And I knew I was walking. I didn't need to go over there.
No, but man, like now I'm a dad and it's not a shaming statement at all because sometimes I'll catch myself. Oh, yeah. Anyone who pretends to be perfect is not trustworthy, right? Like we all make all – like everything I talk about is –
what I aspire to be and I know the same would be true for you and I'll catch myself doing that and I think about her and it's almost like blasphemous to her if I don't jump around and run around and get dirty and do stupid things with my kids because she never was able to and so if I am able to and I don't how dare you not yeah I've heard that from veterans who lose somebody close to them that
I don't care how I feel. I have an obligation to live for two now. We're going to have extra adventure and have extra. I'm going to have an extra beer. I'm going to have an extra thing of nachos. I'm going to work out because I have to. So let me ask you this. I'd be good at having the extra nachos. Maybe not doing the extra work out. I love nachos.
um all right so i'm only i feel like i can only ask you this because you're my friend yeah so i find myself there's some guys working on an app and so they've run all of my calls through a like a language learning model like how does john respond to things yeah yeah and come to find out i quite often ask what did you see growing up like what did you experience growing up
And so I have heard you talk about this reckless love. And reckless is one of my favorite words when it comes to love and giving. Give obnoxiously. You'll figure it out. Give crazy. And watching this pillar of integrity in your old man, which is just so phenomenal. But there's the other side of that, right?
And so I like to tell the story about how my mom went back to college or went to college when she was in her 40s and graduated with a PhD when she was in her late 50s, like this whole thing. There was another side to that, which was I cooked dinner a lot, right? And I did my laundry starting when I was really young.
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Chapter 4: How does radical hospitality transform personal and professional relationships?
And then I just come unhinged off something little, and they're like trying to figure out dad. And that scale seems to be off to get that mad over this, right, or that frustrated.
Well, so many people want to be cool. They want to be liked. And so you just avoid the conversation because you think it's going to be awkward or tense. The example I always use in management, someone comes in, their shirt is wrinkled. And you're like, yeah, but they just started here. I don't want them to think I'm like an annoying manager and you don't say anything.
And then finally, like three weeks in, their shirt's wrinkled. You're like, they don't care about me. They don't care about the excellence of this establishment. They're doing this as a like a little passive aggressive way to stick it to the man. And then you blow off the handle when maybe no one ever told them it was important to iron their shirt. Yeah.
And like with the towel on the ground in the bathroom, there's like a hierarchy of assumptions. They're a slob. Yeah. They're angry at me. This is like their way of communicating it to me. Charitable assumption is, gosh, I wonder if they were getting out of the shower and our kid fell and they had to run across the house naked just to help our child. Maybe I could just hang up the towel.
But if it's every single day, maybe they just don't know that it's something that bothers you. And you could just say, hey, babe, I know this is weird and I don't want to be annoying, but could you just hang up the towel? Right. And oftentimes, like, we've had that in my marriage where she'll say something and I'll be like, oh my gosh, yeah, that's so easy.
And I'm doing this little thing that's upsetting you and I could easily change it, of course. Yes. And it's a gift to me because now I can serve her in like this new way.
And it's also a gift because I've come to believe that secrets kill relationships. They just destroy them. And whether it's business partnerships or relationships, romantic kids, whatever. And if you've just picked up a towel and you haven't said anything, and it's, I don't know why with our marriages, they get so existential so fast. Yeah.
If you were at my house and I left a towel, or you left a towel on the floor, I'd be like, Will, quit being a slob. And I'd put it up and then be like, hey, where are we going to go eat? But the person that you're closest to in the world. But if it's my wife, it's this, what is she trying to say? And it's so existential and dramatic. And so, and that's me.
But if she walks in the bathroom and I've just pricked her tail up and... She knows. There's, there's, she can feel it. There's something. And by me not addressing it as a way to get back, right? It's my way to throw a secret punch in the, like a ghost punch. It's just everything. It's just on, um, to use your words, unreasonable.
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Chapter 5: What challenges do we face in maintaining friendships as adults?
In fact, I think for me, it's been... I trained with MMA fighters for a while. I'd much rather... dress out an elk and carry it out of two miles up and down mountains and to sit down with my son and say, hey, man, I'm sorry. I was wrong. One of those is my wife, especially like, hey, I totally blew this. Over the last nine months, I've blown this and I'm sorry.
That's way on the manliness scale from like, I do hard things. It's way easier to go lift and go do jujitsu.
It just is. Then you ultimately wake up one day and you realize that actually that's the only way to truly be like the most manly man you want to be. That's it. Yeah.
It's to say, how can I love you today? Yeah. That's hard. That's hard for me. And so if I'm looking around the scope of my life for what's the hardest thing I can do, it's that, right? With the biggest payoff as well. When you, as a guy who's been in the work, you've been training and leading people, right? Are you optimistic?
All I hear is negativity, and I've been out of the classroom long enough now that being out of the university system for five years is ages, right? Yeah. Are you optimistic about new workers coming in, younger workers coming in? There's just so much bad press. On work ethic, on character, on yeah, like this and that and this and that. And I've got my thoughts and opinions on it, but you're in it.
You see it.
Yeah, I'm super optimistic. I think a lot of people are complaining a lot about Gen Z because almost the love language is... They are leading that generation in the way that they once wanted to be led. As opposed to understanding what their love language is, what their leadership language is, and contouring their leadership. Like, a leader.
No, a leader's supposed to dictate to everyone around them how they want to be loved, Will. Right?
And it's kind of wild to me. Like a great leader is, what does the word mean? You are a leader of people. That means you need to get to know people and figure out how to motivate them in a way that is unique to them. That is hospitality and leadership.
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