On today’s episode, we hear about: · A couple wondering how to break big news to their kids without hurting them · A woman unsure how to overcome negative feelings toward her in-law · A wife struggling to cope with her husband’s busy schedule Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🔴 Get 15% off with code DELONY at BON CHARGE. 🌿 Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 🥤 Get 20% off with code DELONY at Organifi. 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🏋️ Go to trainwell to get started! Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: How do I tell my kids he’s not their father?
How do I tell my kids that they were conceived with fertility treatments using donor sperm and that their dad is not their biological father?
Ah. I'm going to sit with your 21-year-old one day and they're going to say if they lied about this, then they probably lied about everything else. What in the world is going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show. Hope you're doing well. It's been a rough week, if I'm being honest with you. There's lots going on in personal life, friends and family. And just know...
This show is about real people going through real stuff. And I'm not immune to it either. And so just know that I'm in it with you. And I'm a dad trying to do the next right thing. I'm a husband trying to figure out how to do that well. And I'm a son and a brother and a sister and a grandkid. And I'm just trying to do that stuff right. And it's hard, man. It's messy out there.
And I think that's the origin of the show is always dreaming that I had someone I could sit with. And sometimes I did. Sometimes I didn't. And that's my commitment to you guys. I'll be here. I know a lot of you are struggling with stuff and there's nobody to call. And that's what this show is about.
Your mental and emotional health, your relationships, your friends going through hard stuff, family stuff, whatever you got going on. That's my promise. Give me a buzz. 1-844-693-3291. If you're a thousand years old, that calls toll free. If you don't know what the words toll free mean. That means you're probably born in the century. Or go to johndeloney.com slash ask, A-S-K.
Kelly, do you remember when we used to have to have a long distance card to call anybody that wasn't in our area code?
Oh my gosh, I had not thought of that in forever, but I, yeah.
Like when I went to college my freshman year, I had a calling card memorized, just a number memorized, so I could punch in 16 digits to then call a friend.
When I moved here from Texas, my mom got me a calling card so I could call home.
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Chapter 2: What challenges do parents face when sharing difficult news?
How's it going?
Good. It's awesome to talk to you.
You too. What's happening?
Well, my question is, how do I tell my kids that they were conceived with fertility treatments using donor sperm and that their dad is not their biological father?
Ah. How old are they?
11 and 13.
Who's having the biggest trouble with this conversation? You or your... Are you married?
Yes.
And so do they know their dad, the guy who's raised them, do they know him for their whole life?
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Chapter 3: How can parents approach conversations about donor sperm?
And I'm sure there's other places, you know, weekly meals. Well, we're going to stop going to the weekly meals. Or just Drew's going to go. And Drew, at some point, it will be your conversation, not Ellen's, when your mom says, where are you? And your brother calls you out and tries to, because he still feels, your brother still feels chained to this whole thing.
And I'm making this up, but I'm just guessing. At some point, somebody will call you out. And that's when you consciously exhale and drop your shoulders and say, yeah, as for me and my house, we're choosing peace. So I just needed to opt out. Oh, you're turning your back on your family? No, no, no, no. If my family wants to bring peace to my house. I think we're already doing that.
Okay, well, good. then what you guys have to do is grieve it. Because it's not supposed to be this way. You're supposed to have one awesome set of grandparents on one side of the house and one awesome on the other. And y'all don't. And I'm sorry. It breaks my heart for you.
Yeah.
And it breaks my heart for those five kids, right?
Yeah, that's the hard part, too, because they wonder, like, why haven't we seen Papa or what's going on? And it's just like, I don't really know. Obviously, I wouldn't drag them into this drama, but the kids haven't seen him besides, like, church or, you know, we all go to the same grocery store or whatever in months.
Yeah. And Grandpa's struggling right now. Grandpa's not doing great.
Yeah.
Then we're on to the next. I would love to, too, son. It just doesn't work out this time. But Ellen, I'm guessing some of your justice comes, I mean, some of your rage comes from your sense of justice that you were given as a kid, and I'm so grateful you got that. And I'm guessing some of your rage comes from, like, it's you and Drew versus the world.
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Chapter 4: What are the implications of telling children about their biological father?
Hi, Dr. Don. How are you?
I'm phenomenal. How are you?
I am phenomenal also.
Excellent. Excellent. What's up?
So I'll just jump into my very long-winded question.
I'm the long-winded one around here.
Okay. So my husband is a very, very busy man. He travels frequently, and so he'll be gone for days or even weeks at a time. When he is gone, it's just me and my son at the house. And we have kind of just like a peaceful rhythm. We have things planned, but nothing too busy. Just kind of going with the flow. And then when he comes home, the energy is very different.
He's a very intense, passionate kind of man. And so he brings that energy into the household. And it's always kind of chaotic sometimes. And I'm having a hard time regulating kind of between the two environments. When he's gone, I miss him. But then when he comes home, I am kind of overstimulated.
Like as soon as he tells me that he's on the flight home or driving back, it's like I can't breathe anymore. And then he gets home and I'm picking fights. And I'm just having a hard time regulating between when he's gone and it's just me and my son. And then when he's home, it has like this whole kind of different dynamic with the house.
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Chapter 5: How do I navigate family dynamics with in-laws?
Right. But just because it's hard doesn't mean it's wrong. He's going to have to get off this train one way or the other, and I'm afraid it's going to end poorly. He's going to say or do something out of just sheer fatigue and exhaustion and anger, unprocessed anger. Because by the way, that should not have been his call to make. That should have been his dad, and his dad sucks.
Yeah.
And it should have been all the brothers rallying around, and he's probably been taken on that role since he was a really little kid. And he probably had some conversations he wanted to have with mom, and he can't have them.
Yeah.
And the worst possible thing he can do is go through 18 months of not talking to anybody, saying anything. And that's a tools issue. He doesn't have the tools in his toolkit. He didn't have a picture of what an adult male looks like when they're struggling. But he does have a wife who loves him to the moon and back.
Yes. You guys have that.
Yeah. And so I think the easy thing... And by the way, I'm a humongous, loud, obnoxious guy. So I've seen my wife almost flinch when she wades in.
Yeah.
When I'm not doing well. And not flinch from she's going to get hit, but she can feel a nuclear reactor in my chest. She can feel it.
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