Amy
Appearances
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
Wait, how did you find out? I could see how uncomfortable you were. Plus, I couldn't help but notice that they were constantly staring at you.
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
I could see how uncomfortable you were. Plus, I couldn't help but notice that they were constantly looking at you, man. For real.
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
For all of you who are returning for another fun summer, we're glad to have you back. To those who are new, I would like to welcome you to Camp Oakwood! We're very glad to have you all here tonight, and I'm looking forward to getting to know each and every one of you over the next week.
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
Here, give me your clothes. I'll wash them for you. It's the least I can do.
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
Yes, this is. Are you calling today to register your child as a member?
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
Welcome back, Harrison. So glad you could join us for this special event. Fuck you! We understand you're in denial right now.
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
But there's another reason, of course. Horace told you himself that we also want to get our revenge. But I didn't fucking do anything! My dad was the one that fucked you guys up! Oh, your dad Curtis?
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
But, long story short, as you probably already know, this isn't the first time we've tried to hurt you.
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
guilty as charged. Of course, I had a different hair color at the time. Jesus Christ.
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
Harrison, ever since you were born, we've been watching you. Long story short, you never suspected a thing, and never once saw us. Well, except once.
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
Long story short... I knew you had flunked out of school and you were currently stuck at your folks' place. I also knew that you'd like to view that wall to see if there were any appealing jobs on there. Well, long story short, I made an ad. Wait until you noticed it, and to my utter joy, why don't you take it down to bring it home? When you saw me... Long story short, I got a little nervous.
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
But you walked off without batting an eye. I quickly made it back to the camp and waited for your phone call. And when you called, long story short, I was so excited that I completely forgot to ask you your name to confirm that it was you.
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
And when you said your name, I accidentally hit my desk in excitement.
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
And so, we've come full circle. Soon, not only you will die, but we will also live in a peaceful world that we've waited for so long. It is unfortunate that your dad won't be here to watch us finally avenge all of our fallen brothers and sisters, but he'll probably find out eventually.
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
Dad! What the fuck are you doing here? Well, all be damned. If it isn't Ferris Kurt himself...
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
I'm so glad that I get to see you again. I've missed you so much.
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
Oh, Ferris, you little fool. You didn't think I was going to let it be that easy.
CreepCast
Camp Oakwood | CreepCast
That's been the plan all along. I promised myself that I wouldn't stop until Ferris paid the price for what he did to me and my friends.
Distractible
Knives, Fire, and Pickup Trucks
The Tesla sucks so bad. It's so bad. It's so bad. And I had a Model X. I didn't have like the cheap version of it.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
Together we earn about 130K. I guess our insecurity stems from, I'm in, as a church musician, I work as a church musician, and I have maybe one out of maybe 15, 12 to 15 full-time jobs in our area. There's not that many. And churches are on a downswing cycle at the moment. So my job does not feel absolutely secure for the next 20 some years.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
My husband works as a welder and he works for a family owned company, which we think should be all right. It's just things change. There was a company in our area that did really quite well and then suddenly it closed. its doors and all the workers had to find new jobs. It's just we both are a little edgy and we both come from fairly hardscrabble backgrounds.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
We don't have that comfort zone of like, oh, yeah, we'll be fine. You know, we both are more cautious.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
Musicians.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
No. And I have been thinking outside the box, like asking two churches, like, hey, would you be willing to pay for me part time and come together for benefits? It's the whole benefits thing that we both are also concerned about as we both head into our 50s and 60s, knowing as you age, you need medical insurance.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
I actually have the house in my name, so I pay the mortgage. My husband takes care of utilities and that kind of stuff. He also takes care of our bundled insurance, which is really helpful. We both have health insurance through our jobs, so that's taken care of, and it's a low deductible. We pretty much split stuff down the middle, and we have not combined our finances.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
We got married later in life, and he was coming from a divorce situation, and I had been single my entire life up until about 38 years old. I was not gung-ho to like, hey, let's mix all the finances together, and neither was he. We both wanted to keep things separate. Although I think Wisconsin's a common law. I don't know if that's the right word.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
Things are in common, so if one of us were to pass away suddenly, the other would inherit.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
Community property. That's it. We're a community property state. Yeah. Thank you.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
We are. We actually work as a team. We just keep our finances separate. The only reason we could afford the house is we work together. I was actually pretty proud of us. We got married, as I said, later in life. And we looked at each other and we were like, we really don't want presents because we both had life's worth of stuff to collaborate into a single household.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
So we asked for just financial donations at our wedding if people felt moved to. And we got enough to help with the down payment for a house.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
That is so cool. Yeah, we just we both if there's a box, we try to find whatever's outside of it.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
I think that would be solid. I contribute to that.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
According to my 401k, I have 89k. A little shy of 2 million. Yeah. We sat down last night and kind of broke it down. Like he's kind of similar. I think he said 88K was his. Together, I think he's got 20K in his savings and I've got 50K in mine.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
We probably plan to get a financial advisor or planner to help us with that. But our goal would be to keep things separate still and just pull what we need, not go together. But we don't really know. We really haven't explored that.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
We actually answered that separately. We were like, okay, we each need 2 million. But to be honest, I think it's probably 2 million for the two of us.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
I mean, I could see us staying where we are because we'll hopefully have paid the house off by then. But we also both want to travel. That's actually the top of our list is we really want to travel. We have looked at maybe moving to another country and being an expat. I have a couple of friends who have done that.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
There's a couple of communities that I'd be interested in either being a part of, and my husband is too. There's one in Costa Rica that we've looked at extensively. It's a Quaker community that we're both interested in being a part of. I think the cost of living is slightly less there, but we would investigate, like, how are the health benefits? How would it be living as an expat?
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
What are the expectations? We also don't want to be a drain on people that are natives to Costa Rica. We would rather come in and support them. But traveling and we would like to live long lives, but you can only guess so much.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
Well, the spending less and investing more is one. I'm planning in the spring to open up a Roth IRA so I can have a tax break when I retire. And being 50, I can put $8,000 into it a year. So that's something I'm starting to do as well as keep my 401k going. And something my husband and I both talked about, that we wouldn't mind doing side gigs.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
I mean, as a musician, I don't mind if I accompany until I can't. I will teach until I'm in the grave because I love it. I just love working with young musicians. And he's kind of similar. He's like, well, I could do handyman jobs. He loves to carve. He's done art pieces on commission.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
And being a welder, he would love to also teach, maybe be a kind of someone who can maybe come in and help a family run business, like help them train their welders, their young welders, that kind of thing.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
We're looking at the old sixty seven and a half.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
I believe 7% from me and my employer is amazing. They contribute 7% as well. So it's 14%.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
Oh, gosh, the seat got planted in my brain during the pandemic when I kept listening to different fire movement things that were happening. And honestly, it got planted because my husband and I could work during the pandemic. Talk about luck, because we both we had a very frightening 24 hour moment where neither one of us could work, but it was fine.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
He fantasized about retiring and me being a sugar mama. And I was like, no, no. I love it.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
I was like, no, no, no, dear. As a church musician, you got to be kidding. But that aside, we fantasized about it for a little bit. We just both had a moment of, oh, gosh, what are we going to do? But when we looked into it more and more, the frugality that was required, we would like to enjoy life. We would like to travel now.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
At the time that I was looking at it, my hips were starting to really degenerate and I knew that I had to get them replaced. So I'm like, I don't think I can retire young, pay this off. No. So we just kind of gave up on the idea. But what we liked about it, what we both picked up from it was being more frugal in a good way, not in a super strict.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
We eat cans of beans and rice and that's it for the rest of our lives.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
Yes. Oh, wow. I could cover my heavy metal side. This could be fun.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
Yeah. I was a Starbucks barista. So it was one of my first gigs when I moved back to Wisconsin. Well, there you go.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
No, I think you answered all the questions I had and then some. Actually, it's exciting to hear about this barista fire aspect of the fire movement. That's really cool. And I'm actually really on fire. Ha ha. Hmm. To go out and get myself a certified financial planner and get started. I'm really excited about that. So thank you. This has been really helpful and calming.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
I'm so excited to be here.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
Well, I'm actually feeling really good about spending. My husband and I, we're both kind of middle working class folks. I work in a church who works as a welder and we are pretty good at spending what we can afford and then paying off our credit cards every month. So that's really nice.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
Living within our means. Yep.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
Another thing we're really pleased about is that we actually have six months savings saved. So we're feeling OK. It's pretty volatile, I think, in both of our employments. So we just wanted to make sure we had that just in case. So that feels good. And our improvement is just we don't know what's coming down the pike for retirement. And both of us just started saving about 10 years ago.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
So that's what we're thinking about.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
Well, my father's on Medicaid, so I'm kind of watching through his experience what it's like to be on the other end of the spectrum of not having any money and using government stuff to survive. And he's on hospice with that. And so we just don't know what to expect. We don't know what will happen with social security. security. There's a lot of unknowns.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
What to do When Groceries Cost More and Retirement Feels Out of Reach
And we did a calculator game one evening many months ago. And we were like, we need 2 million in order to retire and live for 30 years after we retire. And it freaked us both out. We're like, oh, wow, we're not even close. That's what got us started on this little game.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
Cash or Mortgage? Navigating Home Equity and Title Agency Shopping
Hi, Sean and Sarah. My name is Amy, and my partner and I are looking for advice on real estate and investment. In February 2020, I bought my first home. All things considered, it's an older home, but it has worked for me and now for my fiance. The 3.75% interest rate has made it a great living situation for us, and I even get to do some gardening, which I need and love.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
Cash or Mortgage? Navigating Home Equity and Title Agency Shopping
Fast forward to this fall when I was offered a sort of dream job in Seattle, Washington. Compare that to where I'm living in Albany, Oregon, which thankfully does not have Portland prices. The Seattle jobs pay is technically better, but it doesn't quite make up for the cost of living difference. The dilemma we're facing is what to do with our first home.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
Cash or Mortgage? Navigating Home Equity and Title Agency Shopping
Ideally, we would want to keep it as a rental home to allow the investment time to grow. The problem is that we don't have enough in savings to put money down to buy our next home. We're actually renting in Washington until we figure out our next steps. So my question is this. Since I purchased the home, it has grown in value by more than $100,000.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
Cash or Mortgage? Navigating Home Equity and Title Agency Shopping
It's now worth almost double what I have left on the cost of the loan. Is there a way for me to use the equity in my home towards the down payment on another home in Washington without having to sell? And even if there is a way, is it even advisable? We decided to rent out our old home for the next year.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
Cash or Mortgage? Navigating Home Equity and Title Agency Shopping
Then we'll reevaluate our situation and hopefully have a better idea of our home buying expenses in 2024-2025. Saving has been challenging for us, and because of this, we're looking at the equity in our old home as possibly the only avenue to afford a new home in Washington.
NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast
Cash or Mortgage? Navigating Home Equity and Title Agency Shopping
While home buying is a major goal of ours, I also like the idea of keeping our old home as an investment for our future family. So what are our options, and which options make the most sense? Do we need to try to decide soon before rates go down and the market is flooded with buyers? All of these are questions that we have. Thank you so much for your help.
Someone Knows Something
Introducing: Hell and Gone Murder Line from iHeart Podcasts | Doug Janis Part 1
Hello? Hey, this is Amy from Heligon. Oh, hi. How are you? Doing good. Can you talk?
Someone Knows Something
Introducing: Hell and Gone Murder Line from iHeart Podcasts | Doug Janis Part 1
Okay.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
That's okay. I don't know what I can really add to your story. And I do want to clarify with you because my name does seem to be mentioned quite a few times. And now I have this review on my website. I have not had anything to do with origins. Since late summer 2021, I was forced out of a business that I was running solely.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
I never had any allegations against me. Ever. I mean, I still have not had any allegations against me.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
is safely in true midwifery care, unlike some I just feel like I'm in some way being like there are, even though I get it, like no allegations have been made, it does seem that people are thinking that I'm somehow associated with these outcomes, which I am so, so, so sad that they happened, but also so thankful that I have absolutely nothing to do with them.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
I do recall Sarah. Absolutely I recall Sarah. Yes, I do. I can't speak to her case without permission. I think that there was something called meconium aspiration syndrome that led to her case. But I can't really go into great detail.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
It really depends on the medical stability of both mom and baby. So if heart rate is stable and there are no signs of distress, so you're listening to the heart every five-ish minutes, every other contraction, basically, while people are pushing, and baby...
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
sometimes shows you that they're they're not doing great by having what's called a deceleration and if the baby were to have a deceleration then that would be concerning and you would listen longer you may make a change immediately um i think that that that person actually videoed their birth so yeah they did they did provide that
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
Yeah, so like during listening, if baby's stable, then you can continue to push for, you know, it depends how long, but three to four hours is very common for first time moms to push.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
Even in a hospital setting where they're medicated, sometimes if we transfer people, we see them push for, Okay.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
Okay. Were you aware of Gina and Caitlin's practices when it came to that? I never worked directly with Gina and Caitlin.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
Listen to that. So, well, that person has never made a claim against...
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
And then there are a few others who... There are people that have been in care and come back to care. And now, because they're being contacted and kind of rallied, honestly, you know... Have you ever heard of a witch hunt where you just kind of go after anybody you can find and you see them information?
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
Well, that's what Origins was claiming, and I doubted it. I did. But now it's, like, every single midwife who ever transferred somebody legitimately, who ever had somebody, you know, who had not a bad outcome, but there's one person who's upset now because they wanted me to be their midwife and I wasn't on call. Like...
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
I knew that they were unethical, and I told them that they needed to provide someone to be her preceptor because I would no longer do it.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
I was very... blindsided by the takeover they are very good con artists and they kept everything very close to their chest okay after i left there were some things that started happening that made me feel like there wasn't much oversight at the old practice and i had nothing to do with the practice after that
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
Their claim, not, no. They claimed that later when they sued me for saying I was going to open a birth center later.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
Okay. Read the answer from my attorney because that's the real story.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E12: Tuff
That's the real story of what happened. And then they decided they had nothing. So be very careful because I do have a real good attorney. And some of what you're insinuating has never been brought until this started. I hear you understand that people can say anything like I could say right now.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
For example, data on sexual assault cases from the Los Angeles Police Department in 2008 found that 4.5% of the reports were false. Furthermore, the Making a Difference, or MAD, project created by End Violence Against Women International conducted a multi-site study of eight U.S. communities. The study reviewed data collected by nationwide law enforcement agencies
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
about all sexual assault reports received within an 18 to 24-month period. Of the 2,059 cases that were included in the study, 140, or 7% of them, were classified as a false report of sexual assault. Still, the reported range of 2 to 8 percent for false sexual assault claims might actually be an overestimate.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
Hi friends, this is Amy B. Chesler of Season 7 of Something Was Wrong and host of What Came Next. I'm hosting this special episode of Broken Cycle Media's series of informational episodes called Data Points. These episodes will include educational information and support on different topics that are important to our community. Thank you so much for listening.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
The National Sexual Violence Resource Center shares how false reporting data inflates because of law enforcement's negligence to follow recommended guidelines and a, quote, weak understanding of sexual assault, end quote. Both men and women make false allegations. However, statistically speaking, women are the perpetrators of false claims the majority of the time.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
One PubMed study on the characteristics of false allegation adult crimes shares that 73.3% of false allegations were perpetrated by women and 93.3% of perpetrators were Caucasian. 43.3% of offenders were high school graduates without further education, typically in their late teens or early 20s.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
Also, data shows that the majority of allegations were mainly driven by needs for attention and or sympathy, which accounts for 50% of allegations. Overall, 23.3% of perpetrators of false allegations had a previous criminal record. According to the FBI, some rationale behind false reporting may be because of, quote,
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
However, no matter who reports false claims and why they do it, it's essential to recognize that false reporting of sexual assault is a criminal offense that profoundly affects survivors and the criminal justice system for a variety of reasons. And although the projected percentage of false reports is low, it still deeply affects how survivors decide to report the real crimes they experience.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
In fact, the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network reports the majority of sexual assaults are not reported to the police at all. The reporting rates are actually staggering. Only 310 out of every 1,000 sexual assaults are reported to police, meaning that more than 2 out of 3 sexual assaults go unreported. There are many reasons why survivors choose not to move forward in reporting this crime.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
Individuals may be wary of reporting because of re-traumatization that can happen through the questioning and investigation process. Additionally, they may fear that law enforcement won't take their claims seriously. This reason correlates with the impact of false reports, no matter how few allegations are actually false.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
According to the International Association of Chiefs of Police, or IACP, law enforcement should uphold, "...the determination that a report of sexual assault is false only if the evidence establishes that no crime was committed or attempted."
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
The FBI and IACP created a set of guidelines with factors that should be excluded when determining if reports are legitimate or false, including insufficient evidence to proceed to prosecution, delayed reporting, victims deciding not to cooperate with investigators, or inconsistencies in a victim's statement. To some, these points may lead you to believe a false report occurred.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
In this discussion of false reporting and its detriment on victims and society, we'd like to begin by highlighting how important it is to start by believing. When receiving a report of any kind, no matter the small statistical possibility of it potentially being false, receiving that person safely and with initial openness and understanding can have a vast impact on a victim's trajectory.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
However, considering how traumatic a violation like a sexual assault can be on a victim's brain, a more nuanced approach must be required while evaluating reports to ensure that all elements are considered.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
Even though there are some guidelines put in place by law enforcement when it comes to reviewing sexual assault reports, they need to be widely known and consistently practiced to ensure stronger care for survivors when coming forward. Filing a false police report misleads law enforcement and undermines the criminal justice system.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
This action has dangerous repercussions because it forces officers to pursue unnecessary investigations, diverting valuable resources away from addressing real crimes and aiding real survivors in their community.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
To add, the notion that a false report can occur leaves some responders highly critical when actual survivors of a sexual assault come forward with their claims, which is detrimental to all parties involved. False reporting not only harms real survivors and strains law enforcement, but also devastates those falsely accused. The case of Brian Banks illustrates this severity.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
In 2002, when Banks was just 16, his high school acquaintance, Juanita Gibson, falsely accused him of rape. To avoid a potential 41-year prison sentence, he pleaded no contest and was sentenced to six years. In 2011, Gibson admitted there was no rape. Thankfully, Banks was ultimately exonerated and his conviction was overturned.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
While he eventually lived out his NFL dreams with the Atlanta Falcons, the lasting damage from the false report on Banks and his loved ones is undeniable.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
A 2021 study found that those falsely accused experience extreme psychological and psychosocial impacts, such as feelings of losses related to their sense of self, damage to their reputation, and newfound mental health diagnoses and symptoms like PTSD and depression.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
Although false reports have profound repercussions, it's important to highlight how much movements like Hashtag Me Too have validated survivors of sexual assault. The Me Too movement was a global initiative to raise awareness regarding sexual harassment and sexual abuse, specifically of women in the workplace.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
In 2006, Tarana Burke regularly used the quote, me too, in response while speaking with survivors of sexual assault. However, the phrase and movement became popularized in 2017 in response to the reports of sexual abuse perpetrated by American film producer Harvey Weinstein.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
Actress Melissa Milano tweeted Burke's coined phrase, hashtag Me Too, which ignited a social media movement that heightened awareness, empowered survivors, and prompted significant cultural and workplace transformations. In response, some states in the U.S.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
have abolished statutes of limitations for reporting sex abuse-related crimes and banned non-disclosure agreements, or NDAs, that were created to prevent allegations from being publicly available. Even though the MeToo movement explicitly discusses sexual harassment in the workplace,
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
Its sentiments bled into other aspects of life too, which led to more people collectively believing and listening to victims. A 2022 Pew Research study proved how valuable and seriously Americans have taken the Me Too movement. Seven in 10 U.S.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
adults across multiple demographics and partisan lines say that compared to 2017, people who commit sexual harassment or assault in the workplace today are more likely to be held accountable for their actions. Also, roughly 6 in 10 Americans believe that the individuals who report harassment or assault at work are now more likely to be believed.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
Pew Research additionally reports that overall, a small percentage of Americans think that false reporting of incidents of sexual harassment or assault in the workplace are frequent. More importantly, nearly half, at 46%, say it's extremely or very common for individuals who experience sexual harassment or assault at work not to report them at all.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
According to the FBI, false reporting or a false allegation crime involves persons reporting a fabricated offense that has occurred against them to a law enforcement agency. False allegations can span many crimes, but in this episode, we'll be referring specifically to sexual assault.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
Despite these statistics and common beliefs among Americans, 18% of respondents still oppose the Me Too movement because of the potential of false allegations. Still, the Me Too movement has proven helpful in believing survivors and holding perpetrators accountable. It has also brought a lot of attention to the power of believing and supporting survivors in general.
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Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
Many still view the possibility of false reports as a reason to oppose the movement. This skepticism ultimately leads to a reluctance to believe survivors of sexual assault in any context. Even though these statistics and this information are widely available, some perpetrators will still choose to make a false report regardless of the detriment. It is nearly impossible to stop these perpetrators.
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Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
However, criminalizing false reporting is one measure towards future prevention. There are legal ramifications for false reporting. If a false sexual assault report occurs and is determined so by law enforcement, the perpetrator can be criminally charged. Depending on the state and the circumstance at hand, filing a false police report may result in misdemeanor or felony charges.
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Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
For example, in New York, filing a false report to law enforcement can be classified as either a misdemeanor or a felony, with potential penalties of up to one year in jail or as much as seven years in state prison. False reporting can even be considered a federal offense.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
If false criminal allegations are submitted to federal investigators or agencies, then the perpetrator of the false claim could be charged at a federal level. Another beneficial preventative measure may be mental health counseling to work to mitigate perpetrators' urges and actions.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
One valuable resource for potential perpetrators of false reporting or actual victims of sexual assault navigating working through their experience is the non-profit National Alliance on Mental Health, or NAMI.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
NAMI is the nation's largest grassroots mental health organization, and it offers educational resources regarding mental illness, support networks for individuals, and 24-7 mental health support to every American. Additionally, there are many amazing resources for survivors of sexual assault that can help with the process of reporting and making them feel supported.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
Two of those organizations include the National Sexual Violence Resource Center and the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network. They both offer detailed education and support. To access any of the previously mentioned resources, please visit the episode notes.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
And for a more comprehensive list of organizations that are working to support survivors and uphold justice, please visit somethingwaswrong.com slash resources. Many of the amazing groups listed on the website can only exist because of the community's help and support from people like you.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
Although false reporting of sexual assault does happen and has detrimental repercussions, it's crucial to understand how uncommon it really is. it is nearly impossible to know the exact amount of false sexual assault reports. However, many studies have concluded that the rate of false reporting is estimated to be between 2 and 8%.
Something Was Wrong
Data Points: False Reporting and Its Impact on Survivors
If you'd like to learn more about volunteer opportunities, please feel free to visit the resources page and reach out directly to the organization of your choice. I'm Amy B. Chesler. Thank you so much again for listening and learning with us.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
but it's something that we want to watch a little more closely. So that might be a one on a scale from one to four. And then maybe someone who is towards the end of their pregnancy and they are breached, that would be a four. And so that would be someone
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
that we would have to sit down with that person and have the conversation of this is more high risk than what really should be done outside the hospital. So let's make an appointment for you to see our consulting physician.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
And then because we do have hospital privileges, if our consulting physician says, sure, we'll continue to take care of you, then the midwives will eventually be able to deliver the mom in the hospital. There are situations where maybe someone comes in that has a congenital heart defect or something from the very beginning that we know you're just not a candidate for out of hospital birth.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
And it's a hard conversation, but it's a really important conversation because we don't want to tell people how to have their baby, but we also feel like it's important for us to maintain that standard of care. so that we don't have a bad outcome. We don't want to have any regrets as far as outcomes for us.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
It is hard to know. If it is too low, then are we doing things that we shouldn't be doing? And if it's too high, are we overreacting to some things or are we having patients that are a little high risk? So it is a hard number to come up with, but I would say 10% is probably a good number. Sometimes it just depends on the patients that you have.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
I'm Amy Giles. I'm a certified nurse midwife. I've owned a birthing center north of Dallas for several years. I've worked there since 2006. Our birth center is Allen Midwifery and Family Wellness, and we're in Allen, Texas, which is north of Dallas. I really enjoy taking care of women at the birthing center. I also teach nurse midwife students at Baylor University.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
I agree with the fact that you shouldn't be afraid to transfer. You should transfer when you feel like it really is necessary. And so sometimes if you have a 2% or 3% transfer rate, then that's a little questionable.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
But if you had a 20% transfer rate, that's unacceptable as well because you're either having too many high-risk clients that you're signing up or you're overreacting maybe to things that should have probably just been handled at the birth center. The other thing is what is the emergency transfer rate?
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
Because we break ours up into non-emergent and emergent because you need to know how often are they having to call an ambulance and it's an emergency as opposed to you've become high risk, let's get in the car and drive. The emergency transfer rate should be low because you should be able to transfer most of the time before you get to it being an emergency.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
There are always situations that you just can't see coming. They surprise you. But for the most part, we can see if something's going south. If things are not looking good, we would rather get to the hospital in a non-emergent way than to wait for an emergency. It is one of those things that for the public, it's hard to know.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
But my suggestion is somewhere around 10 to 12% is probably a good transfer rate.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
Whenever someone is coming to the birth center to decide if this is the right place for them, these are actually the things that I discuss with them. So I appreciate that you asked that question because it is important to know which providers and which birth centers feel are emergency situations. One of them is if we have not diagnosed breach and a breach presentation comes in.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
That would be an emergency for us. We would get into the ambulance and go to the hospital. More unforeseen things might be if the cord collapses, basically meaning that the cord comes out in front of the baby's head and then it compresses the cord and it doesn't allow oxygen to get to the baby. That is a very rare occurrence, but it can happen at any time and for no reason whatsoever.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
Postpartum hemorrhage is another. Honestly, that's the number one reason that we transfer to the hospital is unforeseen bleeding. So once the placenta is delivered, the uterus has to contract to stop the bleeding. For whatever reason, sometimes that just doesn't happen.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
At our birth center, because we are nurse midwives, we have all the same medications that we would give to women in the hospital to stop that bleeding. However, we don't want to stay at the birth center.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
We want to take them to the hospital so that in case they need blood and the fact that they need to be monitored for at least a day at our birth center after six hours, if our moms are not stable, then our policy is that we transfer them. It can be serious in a very short period of time. You can lose a lot of blood in a short period of time.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
As soon as we see that there's a hemorrhage and we start giving medications, if it doesn't respond really quickly, then we go ahead and call 911 and we go via the ambulance. If we have a mom whose blood pressure is incredibly high that we're afraid she might have a seizure, I know all those things sound very scary, but they can occur due to high blood pressure.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
That's another mom that we might want to get her to the hospital in an ambulance. when the baby's heart rate is decelerating, so showing us that something is not going well with the baby. We would rather get to the hospital, get the mom on the continuous monitor so that it doesn't progress to an emergency situation.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
It's kind of a controversial topic because there are lots of birthing centers that will do VBACs. However, at our birth center, we just don't feel comfortable with it because of the risk that is involved. Risk to the mom and risk to the baby. And we just don't feel like that's a risk that we want to take. It's not that we want to tell someone how to have their birth.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
And that's another passion of mine is to build up the next generation of nurse midwives. I'm not from Texas, I'm from Louisiana. I moved here to go to Baylor for undergraduate school. I got married to a Texan and so I decided to stay. But when I got pregnant with our first baby, I really didn't have a provider. Since I wasn't from here, I used to go home to have my annual exams.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
We just don't want to put them at a higher risk. For us, because we can deliver at the hospital, if someone wants to do a VBAC, then we accept them for their prenatal care at the birth center. And then we deliver in the hospital. So we have a planned hospital birth.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
Absolutely. I hear you say that and it makes me cringe because it should never be like that. When you're thinking about caring for women, you need to think about when they get there from the very beginning to when they leave six hours after they have their baby.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
Even though it sounds like it's more about sanitary things with having towels, it's actually more of an important thing because if you don't have those, then you can have a baby that gets really cold. Let's say you have a water birth and you need that warmth around the baby in order to maintain the heat. I feel like there should be a standard that everyone should really have.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
If you're going to own a birth center or you're going to deliver babies outside the hospital, you have to have a standard that you have created and to meet that standard every single time that you have a client come in. Staffing is another thing that you should have a minimum number of staff at each birth. You should have a minimum number of suture if you need to do a laceration repair.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
You should always have preparation before you have someone come in in labor. I just feel like that's the baseline of care, the bottom foundation, and then you build up on that. So that's disturbing.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
You are exactly right. And one of the things that you said that upsets me as well is them not knowing. If you are going to have a student working with you, I think that's great because how else do you learn? The students that I have at Baylor that I teach, they have preceptors all over the country and we precept at our birth center.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
But you have to ask and you have to get permission from a client to have a student at their birth. If you're not asking, to me, that's just completely unacceptable. People need to know who are taking care of them and they should know what your credentials are. To have a student taking care of someone without their preceptor there, to me, is below the standard of care.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
That is putting your client at a huge risk because that person is still learning. They don't know everything. There has to be another person there that knows what to look for, looks for those signs of an emergency. I wouldn't want a student, only a student, taking care of me. That would make me very nervous. A midwife and a student? Absolutely. I'm more than happy. Come and be a part of my birth.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
But it's very disturbing to me if you did not know that it was a student and if that student was caring for you solely. But I do think that happens. I understand being so tired. You don't want to take care of people when you're tired, but you also don't want to defer to a student. Instead, you should call in another midwife and have them come in and be with the student.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
I just don't find that to be acceptable at all. Our birth center is Allen Midwifery and Family Wellness. We're a family-owned center. So my midwife that I met when I was in midwifery school, she was kind of my mentor. And so she opened this birth center in 2003. That was the same place that I saw my friend deliver. And I begged her, I'm like, please, please let me be a part of your birth center.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
I asked a friend of mine where she had delivered her babies, and she said at a large facility downtown, and it's a teaching hospital. She said that she had a nurse midwife, and I had never heard of a nurse midwife before she told me that. Even though I was a nurse at the time, it just wasn't something that was popular 27 years ago. So I convinced my husband to go and meet this nurse midwife.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
I'll clean your floor. I'll clean your bathroom. I'll do whatever you need me to do as long as I can just be around this type of birth. When she got busy enough and had enough clients, then she hired me. So it was the end of 2005, beginning of 2006. And she hired me to be the second midwife. So it was just she and I, and I learned so much from her. She decided to retire in 2010.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
So she said, I think you and Jeff, so me and my husband, she said, I think you guys need to buy the birth center from me. And we both were like, look, we know nothing about running a business, but my husband has his MBA and he's very financially savvy. And so he said, okay, I think we can do that. And I kind of freaked out. I was like, I am not a manager. I don't know what to do.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
But we just jumped in with both feet. That was in 2010. And we've grown the birth center. We now have six nurse midwives and then we employ only registered nurses. So that is significant. We used to do six births a month and now we do almost 20. So we've really grown it and it's been a labor of love for us. It's just a special place for us.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
And the people that are there, they really are like family to us. So it's a great place to work. I'm so happy that we decided to go ahead and make that jump because it's been the best decision of our lives.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
Yes. It's hard to find certified nurse midwives who want to work outside the hospital because there's a small percentage of us that feel called to be outside the hospital. So it is harder to find nurse midwives. I think you have to find someone kind of like me, where you walk into that birth center and feel like this is the way to have a baby. This is the place to be.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
Whenever we were looking to hire more midwives, we talked to people who had the same philosophy that we did. Midwifery is a pretty small community. Everybody kind of knows everyone. And so people that we knew that had the personality of wanting to spend lots of time with their clients, spend time during labor, really taking care of them. Those are the people that we talked to.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
So we went through a lot of midwives before we found just the right ones. And we slowly grew. We worked with three for a while. We jumped a little bit and had five just because we grew quickly. But I do think it's harder to find nurse midwives to be in a birth center because it's just a different philosophy. And because we are out of the hospital, we just can't
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
pay our midwives or our nurses as much as you could if you were in a big hospital system. The people that work for us, they have to take a pay cut to work with us. And to me, that says so much about the fact that they want to be there because they're willing enough to take a little bit of a pay cut and do what they love as opposed to making a little bit more money
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
The people that are there really want to be there. And I think that that's a lovely thing for us because everyone is committed, which is really nice.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
What I wish would happen is that every midwife that's outside of the hospital, that they would have to turn in their statistics every six months or every year to the state. And then the state comes up with maybe a grade. Maybe they say, you guys are doing great, except...
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
you have a lot of postpartum hemorrhage or except you're taking too long to transfer or whatever it may be, at least it would give some responsibility to the midwives. They would have to say, these are my results. I feel like everyone should know that if you go to a hospital, you can look up their C-section rate.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
And when we walked in, it was such a completely different experience than being at any other physician office. We went in, we sat down, she asked about us as people and about our relationship, what we wanted to get out of the pregnancy, how we wanted to have a baby. And then she did all of this education to help us know what to expect and how your body works.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
But if you want to go to a birth center or a home birth midwife, you don't know that. And there's no place for you to be able to get that information except for what the provider tells you. And there are other things that I think would be important. Standardization of the education. That happened with nurses.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
It used to be the standard that you had an associate degree, and then that changed to if you want a certain position, you have to have a bachelor's degree. If you're a certified nurse midwife, there is a standard of education. However, with a licensed midwife, there are several different ways that you can become a licensed midwife.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
I'm not sure which one is the best, but I wish that there was a standard one way, one board that oversees them, because I think it would make everything upfront. I feel like everything just needs to be available for clients to know what to expect. There needs to be transparency so that you know what you're getting.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
Thank you, Tiffany. It's been great speaking with you. And I appreciate the fact that you're wanting people to get this information and that you're putting this out there so that people can learn. So thank you so much.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
I was a nurse, and yet I didn't know a lot of the things that she was talking about. So it was really eye opening to us. And as we left, I told my husband, I want to be just like her. I want people to feel loved and taken care of just like she made me feel today.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
I was actually in grad school to become a family nurse practitioner, and I called my advisor and said, hold on, I need to change my major. This is what I want to do for the rest of my life. So I changed my major. I became a nurse midwife and then worked in a large teaching facility for a couple of years.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
Then one of my midwife friends had her baby at the same birthing center that I eventually owned, and I had never seen an out of hospital birth. And when I experienced that birth with her, it was very similar to the first time I had met my midwife. It was like the writing was on the wall. This is where you're supposed to be. I changed jobs and I've been at the birth center ever since then.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
It's my favorite thing to do, to be with women and to educate them and talk to them and hug them. It's the best job.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
Texas is interesting because we have several different types of midwives. So we have certified nurse midwives who have gotten their bachelor's in nursing and then gone back to school to either have a master's or a doctorate in midwifery. Then there are licensed midwives who have learned midwifery through apprenticeship.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
And so they aren't going through a school that we think of like a university, but more of a school that's specific for licensed midwives. So it's a different level of care. Nurse midwives are going to care for women who might be a little bit more high risk. We have privileges to deliver in the hospital and outside, whereas licensed midwives, they only can deliver outside of the hospital.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
Texas is interesting because we have a great number of both types of midwives. It's a really up and coming way to have your baby in birthing centers. It's a great place to be a midwife because we have so many great clients that want this type of experience. I worked on a committee for Texas that really looked at the statistics for maternal morbidity and mortality, and now it's under the CDC.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
But while I was on that committee, what I really found was people not necessarily advocating saying something's wrong with me and being ignored. that happens in the hospital, mainly because it's just, there's so many more people. I understand because I deliver in the hospital, but things fall through the cracks because there's not someone with that client all the time.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
So I think one of the solutions for that is a birth center birth. In the Dallas Fort Worth area, some certified nurse midwife birthing centers also have hospital privileges.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
That's correct. It's a significant difference because if someone becomes high risk, then we continue to follow them and to deliver them in the hospital. So the continuity of care is really lovely because when you don't have that luxury, then you're not able to continue to care for your client. In other words, you become either more of a support person or equivalent to like maybe a family member.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
Whereas our midwives, we're able to continue to deliver in the hospital. We can take our clients to the hospital who might need a higher level of care. I think it's really important to be able to have a safe option for people who want to go that route, where they want the midwifery care during pregnancy, but then for safety, they can deliver in the hospitals. I think it's a nice compromise.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
Every state is a little bit different in how birth centers are licensed. And in Texas, the licensing board says that you have to be within 30 minutes of a hospital. I think that's kind of far. That's just what the state says. So I feel like if you're somewhere between five and 10 minutes, that that's pretty safe. We're about six minutes away from our hospital and it works really well.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
I don't ever feel like, oh, we've got to get there, hurry up, because it's pretty fast. There are lots of rural areas in Texas. And so there may not be an option for you to have such a close hospital. And they may just not have any hospitals in that rural area. So maybe a birth center is all you have. And in that case, more power to them, that's gotta be a hard situation.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
But if you're in an area where you have a lot of options on hospitals, I would recommend somewhere between five and 10 minutes to the hospital. I just feel like people need to know that there are options for them. There are also safe options. When you do want to get out of the hospital and you want to be in a birth center setting, you just need to do your research.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
You need to know who is staffing the birth center. How many clients do they take every month? Do they have nurses? Do they have birth assistants? Can they prescribe medication if you are bleeding? Do they have a relationship with a hospital that's close by? All of those things are super important.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
And so I hope that will turn around and that Texas can get better at doing things to prevent these maternal morbidity and mortality cases. I feel like midwifery care is definitely one of those things that could improve it. The other thing is knowing your level of comfort because you have to feel comfortable where you are.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
And I tell clients all the time, if you're not comfortable in the birth center, you won't have a great birth because you'll be too stressed. So they should deliver in the hospital and vice versa. You should always know you have an option, but you should go with your gut and decide what's best for you and your family.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
Everyone is a little bit different in why they seek us out. But for the most part, people are looking for individual attention, individual plans of care, not being cared for like everyone, but instead having a midwife sit down and really talk about your specific needs and how you wanna have a baby and what's really important to you. That's a big deal.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
Another thing is that we do have longer appointments. We have 30 minutes to an hour, depending on how far along you are in labor. We have that extra time. Another reason is that people who have already had children, they're able to bring their kids in and We have toys in just about every room, so they have a place to be able to play. We're very family friendly.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
We want everyone to come in and feel like that's a place where they belong. And how can we make that a different experience? because everybody deserves the birth that they want. There's always little things, you know, that come up. There are emergencies or risk factors. But even at that point, we try to make the birth as close as we can to what they want.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
As far as like the different kinds of clients that we have, it ranges from very young people who are having their first baby to people who are having their 10th baby. We've had someone who's had 10 babies with us
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
For people who maybe have had a bad experience in the past, a lot of people say they're just looking for a healing birth. So we can really dive into some of the things that they experienced that were really negative for them. We try our best not to ask which birth center was that or to really ask a lot of questions that are specific to that birth center.
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S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
We try to just ask questions about what was it that made your experience different or difficult. A lot of times it is that maybe they were more high risk and they didn't quite realize it. And then maybe they ended up transferring to the hospital without that continuity of care. And it was just very disappointing to them. We hear that more often because if you feel like
Something Was Wrong
S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
You're low risk and you're a good candidate for this particular type of care. And then it doesn't come to fruition. And then later on, you hear someone say, oh, well, my midwife would have never let me do that in a birth center or my midwife would have never let me do that at home. I think that's the number one thing that we hear. It is a small community.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
And so when there are poor outcomes, everyone kind of knows about it. There are times that the public will try to avoid different midwives or different birthing centers. And that's why I think it's just super important to interview the midwives that would be taking care of you and get a feel for them and to ask questions about how they would handle different situations.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
I think you need to know what level of care that you want. there are people that they really don't want types of intervention. So those are people that might be more inclined to do a home birth with a licensed midwife or a birth center with a licensed midwife.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
And people that are a little more comfortable having what I would call a safety net would look at more of a certified nurse midwife birthing center because of the fact that we can give antibiotics if needed, or we do have some pain medication that we can give at the birth center. And we do have that relationship with the hospital.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
There are people that can't even imagine having a baby outside the hospital. So they would definitely not be a birth center candidate, but then there are people who they feel comfortable outside the hospital, but they just wanna know that they have the safety of having someone who is a nurse and who has an advanced degree and has that experience that makes them feel a little bit more comfortable.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
So it really just depends on what you're looking for.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E3: Standards of Midwifery Care with Dr. Amy Giles, DNP, CNM
Those are really hard conversations to have. We call it a risk assessment. I went through all the different high risk situations that you could have while you're either pregnant or during labor. And I gave it a score. So maybe you come in and you have thyroid issues. Well, that's not a big deal for nurse midwives because we can treat that.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E14: Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice with Dr. Ndidiamaka Amutah-Onukagha, PhD, Founder CBMHRJ
Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Something Was Wrong early and ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Something Was Wrong is intended for mature audiences. This season contains discussions of medical negligence, birth trauma, and infant loss, which may be upsetting for some listeners.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E14: Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice with Dr. Ndidiamaka Amutah-Onukagha, PhD, Founder CBMHRJ
Absolutely. I'm curious if you could shed any light into how Medicaid and insurance policies are influencing the maternal health outcomes for Black birthing persons.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E14: Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice with Dr. Ndidiamaka Amutah-Onukagha, PhD, Founder CBMHRJ
Something that has been highlighted for me when speaking with other doctors, specifically in Texas, who are working in these maternity deserts is the reason why a lot of birth centers are being created and why they can be really positive for the community, given how many maternity deserts there are. Do you guys study that within your work?
Something Was Wrong
S23 E14: Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice with Dr. Ndidiamaka Amutah-Onukagha, PhD, Founder CBMHRJ
And could you share a little bit more with us about how that impacts maternal health care?
Something Was Wrong
S23 E14: Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice with Dr. Ndidiamaka Amutah-Onukagha, PhD, Founder CBMHRJ
What are your thoughts about birth centers working with hospitals in some capacity when there is an emergency and there needs to be a transfer?
Something Was Wrong
S23 E14: Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice with Dr. Ndidiamaka Amutah-Onukagha, PhD, Founder CBMHRJ
I'm curious what suggestions you would make to policymakers about what we could do to contribute to make these rates improved.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E14: Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice with Dr. Ndidiamaka Amutah-Onukagha, PhD, Founder CBMHRJ
Next time on Something Was Wrong.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E14: Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice with Dr. Ndidiamaka Amutah-Onukagha, PhD, Founder CBMHRJ
Something Was Wrong is a Broken Cycle Media production created and produced by executive producer Tiffany Reese, associate producers Amy B. Chesler and Lily Rowe, with audio editing and music design by Becca High. Thank you to our extended team, Lauren Barkman, our social media marketing manager, and Sarah Stewart, our graphic artist.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E14: Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice with Dr. Ndidiamaka Amutah-Onukagha, PhD, Founder CBMHRJ
Thank you to Marissa, Travis, and our team at WME, Wondery, Jason, and Jennifer, our cybersecurity team, Darkbox Security, and my lawyer, Alan. Thank you endlessly to every survivor who has ever trusted us with their stories. And thank you, each and every listener, for making our show possible with your support and listenership.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E14: Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice with Dr. Ndidiamaka Amutah-Onukagha, PhD, Founder CBMHRJ
Special shout out to Emily Wolfe for covering Gladrag's original song, You Think You, for us this season. For more music by Emily Wolfe, check out the episode notes or your favorite music streaming app. Speaking of episode notes, there every week you'll find episode-specific content, warnings, sources, and resources. Until next time, stay safe, friends.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E14: Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice with Dr. Ndidiamaka Amutah-Onukagha, PhD, Founder CBMHRJ
For a full content warning, sources, and resources, please visit the episode notes. Opinions shared by the guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of myself, Broken Cycle Media, and Wondery. The podcast and any linked materials should not be misconstrued as a substitution for legal or medical advice.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E14: Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice with Dr. Ndidiamaka Amutah-Onukagha, PhD, Founder CBMHRJ
If you like Something Was Wrong, you can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E14: Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice with Dr. Ndidiamaka Amutah-Onukagha, PhD, Founder CBMHRJ
Origins birth and wellness owners and midwives Caitlin Wages and Gina Thompson have not responded to our requests for comment. Additionally, midwives Jennifer Crawford and Elizabeth Fuel have also not returned our request for comment. This season is dedicated with love to Malik.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E14: Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice with Dr. Ndidiamaka Amutah-Onukagha, PhD, Founder CBMHRJ
This season, we were focused a lot on Texas, and we know that Black women in Texas as of 2023 were 2.5 times more likely than white women to suffer maternal death. In your opinion, what are the factors contributing to this?
Something Was Wrong
S23 E14: Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice with Dr. Ndidiamaka Amutah-Onukagha, PhD, Founder CBMHRJ
Also, the systems that are training and educating doctors are rooted in so many ways around the centering of white person's experiences.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E14: Black Maternal Health and Reproductive Justice with Dr. Ndidiamaka Amutah-Onukagha, PhD, Founder CBMHRJ
Something that was highlighted by other experts that we've spoken to is the benefit of universal health care and how that impacts data. Typically, when we look at other countries, I'm curious if you would agree with that.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
The parole hearings, the first one was May of 23. The second one just happened this previous May. Per usual, quite eye-opening. And if the first parole hearing wasn't shocking enough, the second one was a bit more shocking. Maybe it's because the reality of his release is just right around the corner. He said a lot of scary, crazy things yet again in this last parole hearing.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Leading up to the parole hearing, we also have to provide victim impact statements again. I'm grateful to all of the other victims that also provided them because it isn't just me who's impacted in this. It's numerous people who have also been brought into this mess. The way that the parole hearing worked for me, I am not there in person. I am attending via phone.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
So there's not video for me either. The victim advocate calls me ahead of time and loops me in with the parole board chair who's conducting the hearing. Once the hearing is done, then I get back on with the victim advocate and have a conversation. We joined the parole hearing and I can't see anything. It's before the parole board chair hits record.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
I hear some scuffling and the parole board chair asked him, what is that you have with you? And he said, oh, it's just a book I got from the library. The parole board chair asked him to put it away. And that stuck with me. I reached out to the victim advocate afterwards and I said, I need to know what that book was. I know with Morrison, there is no coincidence and he is very calculated.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Sure enough, it was a biography on Adolf Hitler. To me, that's in line with some of his previous behaviors. So that's how it started. At one point early on, he asked if he was still going to be able to make lunch because he didn't want to miss lunch and completely interrupted the parole board chair. In the first parole hearing, he said that being in jail has been the best experience of his life.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
He made a note in the second parole hearing to say that it's been the second best experience of his life next to his childhood. He mentioned his family and his parents throughout the second parole hearing. And yet you haven't talked to your parents since you went to jail.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
He had mentioned that he spent more time outside since he's been in Colorado and incarcerated than he did in his time in New Jersey. Although he hasn't had the opportunity to go out and explore, he absolutely wants to come back to Colorado. To me, although he put it in context of a vacation, I took that as one of his victims as a direct threat that he's coming back here.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Why would you go back to the state or even articulate you want to come back to the state where you have a victim that you stalked? I have pages and pages of notes that I'm just jotting down as the parole hearing was going on. And I'm just giving you a few of the notes because the insanity is incomprehensible in a lot of ways.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
I think one other thing definitely worth noting is he's been working in the library. The parole board chair did ask questions around what's going to make you successful when you get out of jail and what are your plans? He told the parole board chair that he wants to work in a library when he gets out.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
For those who have been in a library recently, there's a lot of technology in those facilities and access to technology. Of course, he wants to work in a library. He wants access to computers. I looked at my permanent protection order and it says that he's just not to contact me in any capacity.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
That's one thing I asked for in my victim impact statement is that he couldn't have access to electronics and all these things. I think the world we're living in, that's very hard to monitor.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
In his parole hearing, when they asked what you're going to do when you're released on parole, the first thing he said is, well, I know the victim has a protection order on me, so I'm not going to contact her. I was like, why did you even point that out? That was just odd to me.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Exactly. He's always admitted that he's done the crime and he continues to, but there's no empathy or emotion or apology. And these parole hearings, he's not changed. The first parole board chair said some very direct things to Morrison. This parole board chair, I think, took a different approach.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
When I thought back to how he handled it all, he ultimately let Morrison tell him he wanted the mandatory release date. So here he is up for parole. And at the end of it, Morrison had talked himself in so many directions that the parole board chair at one point was like, sir, are you asking to be released on your mandatory release date? And he said, yes. I thought, wow, he's very smart.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
And he's obviously in this role for a reason, because that was a win in this parole hearing. He wasn't released early. So he was OK with the mandatory release date, which in the parole hearing he was talking about being in December. At the time, I thought it was April or March. And that was bumped up from what it was originally going to be.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
So I'm jotting down notes like, how does he keep referring to his mandatory release date as end of December of this year? Obviously, he was privy to some information that I wasn't. And this is kind of his tone as he's talking to the parole board chair. December is actually better because his flag football team's been doing pretty good and they did really well last year.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
He doesn't really want to be there for the holidays because he doesn't get along with his brother-in-law. All signs are pointing to he will be released the end of this year.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
I'm still waiting for official confirmation, but every month I check his inmate DOC page and his mandatory release date keeps getting bumped up two weeks every month, which if you line that up with the amount of months we have left in the year, it's right up at the end of the year. The hardest part of this has been the unknown.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
This crime, there was so much unknown that that was what made it so painfully difficult. I don't know when I'm going to hear from the victim advocate or from the system is what I will say, because they have to notify me as a victim about his release, where he's being released, all of these things. But it's never as much ahead of time as it really should be.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
I feel like I need to be proactive on my end, asking the right questions, reaching out to the right people. So I know what I'm dealing with. I have wanted him to be out of Colorado from the get go. I don't know why they sent him here anyway, since it's a stalking case and they brought him closer to me. I want him to go back to New Jersey once his sentence is served. And he does as well.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
What he has filed for is something called interstate, so he can serve his parole in New Jersey and not in Colorado. As a result, he has some hoops to jump through. One, the state of New Jersey has to welcome him back, meaning he has to have a place to live, he has to have a job, and he has to come to them with a plan. So he can't just go back.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
A lot of what I'm processing right now is I don't know if he's going to be released and go back to New Jersey to serve his parole, or if he will be forced to serve his parole here in Colorado. If he does interstate, he still has to get himself to New Jersey. He has to pay his way and get his way back there.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
And if he doesn't interstate and he is in Colorado, then that is a whole nother part of this journey that I have yet to process. I'm hoping I will know sooner rather than later where he's going to be serving his parole, because as you can imagine, if he's going to be in Colorado, that opens a whole nother piece of this for me emotionally. It's something I have to be prepared for to happen again.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
I feel like I'm being re-victimized by him being released. And I don't feel like I'm on the other side yet as a survivor, but I will be eventually. I can't assume anything relative to his release. I have to be prepared. And that's very overwhelming. I have to compartmentalize and process each piece one at a time. And it's something I'm doing now leading up to that release.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Although I do have fearful moments, I refuse to live in fear. I will be prepared for his release. And that is all I can really do, given the circumstances and the position he's put me in. When Morrison's released, regardless of where he's released, I'm not going to be here. I'm going to be somewhere else for my mental health. When I do come back, then I can cocoon. I want to come home to peace.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
This is the other part of what I've been processing. I haven't had peace since I realized he's going to be released. I think one of the hardest things is I want to refuse to let him steal my peace. And yet he has stolen it from me so many times. But I know who he is going into the release. I have a name. I have a face. For so many years, I didn't know who he was, where he lived.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
When he's released, at least I know who I'm looking for or what I'm looking for. That gives me a little peace going into this next phase.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
I'm still on this journey to find other victims and hopefully empower them to come forward. And if they want to press charges against Morrison to do so, there's a few things that are going against us in this journey to keep Morrison in jail and away from harming people. It's statute of limitations relative to stalking.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Three years in most states is the statute of limitations, which now he's been in jail for three years. If charges haven't been pressed thus far, then it will have to be new charges once he's released, if and when he starts up this activity again. The reality is it is not done. And this is a forever journey until we're no longer cohabitating on this earth together.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
One of my priorities was trying to get these fake accounts of myself that Morrison had created taken down Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, TikTok, wherever else I'm not aware of. It actually ended up being a very difficult task. It was too overwhelming for me to actually pursue. And now, given where I'm at, I'm glad that the ones that I'm aware of are still out there.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
One of the updates is he or someone is active on the Facebook profile, not posting actively, but has been changing some of the settings behind the scenes. How you can view friends, for example. I follow the profile and one time I could see the close to thousand friends on Facebook. And then a few weeks later, all of them are removed and I could just see my one mutual friend.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Then I checked again earlier this week and all of the friends are back up there. There's just some funky stuff happening behind the scenes and I am monitoring it. The only person I know who does have the login is Morrison. So he or someone else is active on that account and must be doing it from inside the system.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
I have been trying to reach out to all sorts of parties, trying to get engaged in the advocacy community, awareness and legislative support, all of the things. I did not know where to start. I was on a business trip, actually, with some public officials. My representative within the area that I live just happened to be on this trip.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
I thought, well, if there is an opportunity in a professional way, I want to broach the conversation of how do I get involved? He was very supportive and said, I'm going to connect you with the head of the judicial committee here in the state of Colorado. And he did that when we got back. That kind of spearheaded where I went from there. So I met with the head of the judicial committee.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
He connected me with a couple of nonprofits, one of which was supporting some legislation around online facilitated misconduct. This was specific to dating apps and remote tracking. It's really just to keep dating apps and sites more accountable and putting some safety measures in place. And this bill also addressed deep fakes, which is a huge problem in this country with AI right now.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Deep fakes and remote tracking, which to my knowledge, we did not have in the state of Colorado. And the hope is that we can build upon this legislation, not just apply to dating apps, but all technology companies. I did testify at the legislature here in Colorado this past year, which that's a whole nother experience.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
They provided support from talking points, reviewing my testimony to make sure that it was buttoned up in the way that it needed to be. It feels so good to be able to do it and to take action. But I was way more emotional than I anticipated. When I testified the first time, there were two other survivors who also spoke about their experiences.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Both of them had been sexually assaulted through meeting somebody on a dating app. I did not know their stories going into testifying in person. I heard the first story and her story was so shocking to me. And so going into telling my story next was difficult because not only is telling my story emotional, but then hearing these other stories, it was a lot.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
I think now that I've had the exposure and I know what to expect going forward, I hope to have less emotion from that capacity because I want to be taken very seriously. And although some emotion was good to show, I felt like I was too emotional. I did not expect that. The bill did pass. And so I was happy to support it.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Absolutely. I am a person by nature that if I see something wrong, I want to fix it. And I want to bring good out of it. I want to bring change. That's just part of me I've had to accept. But through that, it helps me heal because I feel like I'm bringing something good out of a really terrible experience.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
From that perspective, it does help you heal and move forward by helping others and hopefully bringing change to legislation and advocating and bringing awareness. It's empowering. And the more I focus on that side of it, the more I heal from the nasty bad parts that I continue to have to deal with. I think being a voice as a victim who's experienced that is a big piece of this.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
So often stalking is downgraded from other crimes because someone hasn't lost their life yet. That's one thing I'm trying to bring awareness to is stalking is a precursor to a lot of crimes. I don't think that we talk about that piece of it enough. I think there need to be harsher penalties for stalking crimes and cyber stalking crimes.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Prosecuting these crimes is prevention of these crimes escalating. Exactly. There needs to be better legislation, longer sentencing for stalkers. Like the statute of limitations being three years was mind blowing to me because what are the prior victims of Morrison going to do at this point?
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
He can't be prosecuted for them, even though we know he's guilty of a lot of the same crime with a lot of victims. It's really on the criminal side of the legislation and creating harsher penalties for stalkers. One of the things that's been shocking to me is the lack of jurisdictions speaking to one another, especially in my situation where we're talking about multiple jurisdictions.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Since I was the victim, everything's been handled here. I'm grateful because the state of Colorado has good stalking laws compared to other states. But there's a lot that still needs to be done. This jurisdiction issue has just been mind blowing because it is stalking and cyber stalking in particular.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
The federal side of law enforcement is overwhelmed with other crimes that we get pushed to the back burner and we're not prioritized. But I do think that the jurisdictions need to be talking to each other across state lines and international lines more frequently because these stalkers are acting in multiple jurisdictions.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Another thing I think needs to occur is just like there's a sex offender list, that's a national kind of database of sex offenders. Why do we not have a national stalking database?
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
To me, that's one of the simplest ways to protect others and to hold these stalkers accountable for multiple jurisdictions to know what they're doing in other jurisdictions and what they may or may not have been convicted of. I will say the stalking survivor community that are trying to bring awareness and advocacy is pretty small.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
There are some other survivors that I'm trying to make contact with, one here locally in particular, to help me be more educated. I want to help write legislation, and my understanding is that's very difficult and hard to navigate. That's not going to stop me. I just want to know the right avenue and where to begin and who are the representatives that I need to be talking to who would support that.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
You're amazing. Thank you for that. I feel like there's change and there's positive things coming. I have my days. I just feel deflated, frustrated and unmotivated in some capacity. So you just re-energized me to keep going with it. So thank you. I think also rest is productive.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
I couldn't agree more. I think I've been saying no a lot more granted where I'm at in the healing or acceptance or processing side of all what I'm going through right now. I need downtime and enjoying the little things again. One thing Morrison said in this last parole hearing is he's in the best shape of his life.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Live grieving. I have not heard that term and that is so relevant to me right now. I wish I could heal and not get emotional, but I have learned the emotional side is a package deal. I'm trying to be better at accepting it. I was in therapy when all this was really rearing its head.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
And I got to a point where both my therapist and I said, you know, I think I'm in a good place and I can take a break. I just reconnected with her this week because I can't do it all on my own. And sometimes that's hard for me to accept. I'm going to re-engage with her and hopefully help process some pieces of this that I either haven't or I'm struggling to do.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Hi, this is Amy from season 19 of Something Was Wrong. I shared my story of being stalked, sending my stalker to prison, serving the maximum sentence possible in the state of Colorado. And finally, the beginning of the parole process. Going into the recordings prior to hearing them back, I felt like I was in a really good place because here it is all laid out.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
My parents, they're still a huge support system and have always been and continue to be. I'm very grateful to them and my entire support system. They've been wonderful. And I think with Morrison's release coming very soon, the support is ongoing and I'm so grateful to them. I'm so grateful to you both for letting me share my story. And it's been such a healing journey for me.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
The impact and bringing attention to such an important subject. I'm very grateful to you both and your entire team. I probably wouldn't have found one of the victims without you. We achieved our goal. And now I just want to find others. I want to prevent him from hurting others.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
I appreciate that. I'm so glad to hear other stalking survivors have chosen to come forward because we need so many more to come forward for real change to be had.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
All the nitty gritty, nasty details that oftentimes I was hesitant to share with people even when they knew my story. But it was important to get all those details out. Listening back to the episodes was healing. It was emotional. I was very grateful to my friends, my family, and those who also told their stories because they're also victims of Morrison's through what he did to me.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
I was grateful that they were all willing to participate. That meant a lot because I think their perspectives helped support the story. There were parts of their story that they had not shared with me in an effort to protect me with what I was dealing with. And so there are parts that I also learned through hearing others' experience with it as well.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
In particular, I think of Natalie and the experience she had where someone was on the Airbnb site. I did not know that. And had I known that, I would have been freaked out for her. And I'm upset that she had to go through that. The fact that they had the opportunity to share their side of the story too, because I was the primary victim. I'm the one telling my story.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
But there were so many people impacted. Listening to it back, I think I realized during the time that he was stalking me, I thought I was holding it together pretty good and protecting those around me. And I think in hearing their stories, I realized that I shouldn't have been so hard on myself and having to keep this so separate from my life.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
I knew I held a lot of guilt and embarrassment that this happened to me because if I hadn't sent the pictures or if I had done this, that or the other, then it wouldn't have happened to me. I've let all of that go, but I don't think I fully let it go until I heard the episodes back.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
hearing their perspectives and their side of what they experienced, I realized that they could tell that I was not okay. And I wish I just would have been more upfront about what I was experiencing from an emotional standpoint and my mental health The response that I got is those who did know at least a little bit about what was going on had no idea the extent of what was actually happening.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
And those who had no idea, reaching out and saying, Oh, my God, Amy, I had no idea you were going through this. how did you just keep everything together? And the sad reality is as a victim of this type of crime, I don't get to lose it. I don't get to fall apart because I do have a life I have to keep together. So part of me was glad that people had no idea.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
I think now that I'm on the other side of this and my story's out there, I wish in hindsight, I would have been even more open with people. I had a number of people reach out every week. I feel like someone learns of my story or has heard it, sees something I post on social media, and they reach out and say, I had a stalker or I was sexually assaulted or something related to what I experienced.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
It's shocking to me how many people actually have something similar that's happened to them. I'm grateful that folks have come forward and felt comfortable to share their story with me. That's something that transpired after listening to the episodes too. My motivation in telling my story to you all was I wanted to find other victims. I was already aware of one going into the podcast.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
If I could find one other victim and get them to come forward, then this has been so worth it. I've gotten so much more out of it than finding one victim. There was a victim that came forward after listening to my story on something was wrong. I'm so grateful that she came forward and she reached out to you, Tiffany. You were able to connect us. We still talk.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Thank you. What's been fascinating with uncovering and connecting with other victims is realizing that this is a large web from a distance standpoint. They live a long ways away from where I'm located and I know Morrison's reach is large. I think it's even larger than what I initially thought. I identified a third going through my case file that I got access to.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
When I got the case file, I knew it was a large file. I had heard it was like 100,000 pages. I have about a little over 20,000 of them because I definitely extracted a lot of the pages out of it. I heard that at the sentencing. I assume it's because there's photos. What was surprising is the photos of me were not extracted.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
They are all in there, which at this point I've just become numb to, unfortunately. The whole purpose of me wanting to get the case file was to identify other victims and reach out to them so they knew who this guy was. Identifying other victims, there were some that were obvious to me, and then there are some that weren't so obvious.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
I think what surprised me is as I've reached out to these victims, it's like a 50-50 shot. I even get a response. I know each person's journey is different. And given the trauma of the stalking that Morrison did, I wouldn't be surprised if they felt like I was him because they still don't know who this person is or whatever it may be.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Some interesting aspects of the case file, they outline and detail the process for executing the search warrant play by play, which was fascinating. Who was there, how they're going to do it, when they're going to do it. That was very interesting. I knew there were a lot of law enforcement agents agencies that participated, but I didn't realize it was that many.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
And there was a canine unit as well. It says they asked to interview Morrison and he declined, of course. So they separated him from his parents first thing. And then they interviewed his parents and his parents mentioned that he had an incident in college. He put bodily fluids on a girl's door. No charges were ultimately pressed. So he's not convicted of anything.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
Yet this crime occurred through the search warrant, play by play. There were a number of zip drives. The zip drives would have a first name of a woman and then whore. First name, whore. And they found multiple of these. So when I say there's multiple victims, there are multiple victims. They found Nazi memorabilia in his room.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
There's just a lot of information from the technical side or the IP side of stuff, given the nature of the cyber stalking. It was not surprising, but the extent of it was. I keep going back through the case file thinking I'm going to see something I didn't see before. I think I've resigned myself to the fact that I've identified all of the potential victims and I've reached out to all of them.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
My dad has said, it's not your responsibility to necessarily protect all of the victims. I get what he's saying because he's trying to protect me and my emotional well-being. But there's something within me that doesn't want to stop trying to identify other victims until there's an adequate number of us that are aware of each other.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
I feel like he's winning to some degree in this because he's been charged with one stalking crime and he knows all of the crimes he's committed. Just to refresh your memory, he got the maximum sentence in the state of Colorado, thank God. But that sentence is four years with time served and two years parole or probation. He's been in jail since November of 2021. So we're coming up on a third year.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
As crazy as it sounds, it's something I didn't comprehend or maybe I couldn't at the time. Once he was sentenced and in jail, I had this moment of peace like this is done. It's something that after the second parole hearing in May in particular became a very real realization of mine more than ever that now I just go into the next phase. It's almost like chapters.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
You feel like it's the last chapter. And I now realize that there's many chapters ahead of me. I just will have to focus on each one, one at a time. I've heard multiple survivors talk about too. It's like just when you get one parole hearing done, six months later, you're prepping because you're going to have to go into the next one.
Something Was Wrong
WCN Presents: [Amy] S19 Updates
And there's responsibilities you have as the victim in those parole hearings. Although you get bits of peace in your life, you don't get full peace. Ever.
Something Was Wrong
S23 E17: BTS with BCM - Case & Community Updates with The BCM Production Team
Until you die
Sword and Scale
Episode 278
She was walking west, on the south side of the trail, heading west. I was heading east. She was looking down at her phone or whatever she was looking at. She was looking down. And she was walking her dog. And my first thought was, is the dog friendly? And then it was just maybe a minute later. not much longer, and she crossed over to the north side.
Sword and Scale
Episode 278
So she was on the same side of the trail as I was, and I was heading east.
Sword and Scale
Episode 278
Well, I looked at her and I said, hello. And I said, nice dog. And she smiled and replied and said, yes. Thank you very much.
Sword and Scale
Episode 278
We were just riding our bicycles, and I was still on the north side of the trail, and the motorcycle was just sitting there, and... I got over to the south side to get out of the way because it was just sitting there, not moving at all. Well, I was alerted because number one, I right away knew there shouldn't be a motorcycle on the trail.
Sword and Scale
Episode 278
And I also thought it odd that someone was completely covered. And why is this person on the trail completely covered? You couldn't see their face at all.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Grace Kuhlenschmidt
So what are your current predictions for the 2024 election? I predict Kamala's gonna win the presidency.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Grace Kuhlenschmidt
Yeah, Donald Trump's chart is giving desire for power and control, and Kamala's chart is giving more following her life path and what she's meant to do. So is it real?
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Grace Kuhlenschmidt
I do see a wealth aspect in your chart. That's fabulous news. And Trump's a Gemini, and you have a lot of Gemini energy. So you would say Trump and I are similar? Yeah, actually, your Venus is on his sun, so you might would fall in love with him. My V is on his what now? This is a marriage aspect, actually.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Grace Kuhlenschmidt
But for Trump, it's not outside the realm of possibility that he goes to jail. So my husband is going to jail? Yeah.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Grace Kuhlenschmidt
Yes. Okay, good. You're gonna have the money. I am loving astrology.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Grace Kuhlenschmidt
Okay, so is there one other reliable method for predicting the election? So election results are a perfect thing for astrology to predict. The position of the planets when you're born influences a person's personality and how their life unfolds.
The Daily Show: Ears Edition
In the Field with Grace Kuhlenschmidt
There was a full moon coming up that was in Capricorn at 29 degrees. and 29 degrees represents an ending, and Capricorn represents old age. So I just put together that he was gonna drop out.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Throws Temper Tantrums
What's going on? Not so much. Just wanted to get your thoughts on something that I've been struggling with with my husband.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Throws Temper Tantrums
Well, yeah, just when we go out, it turns into these, what I call for him, a tantrum. You know, the kids can see it and hear it and stuff, and it's Um, and it's just so hard. I don't know how to navigate through it. Um, like when we're just loading up the car, give me an example. Um, well, he'll say, well, great. Everyone's out today.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Throws Temper Tantrums
And cause we do things on the weekends and, um, Oh, I'm not the only one that had this idea. And then, you know, I should be working instead of out, you know, doing this. And, um,
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Throws Temper Tantrums
Yeah, no, he's making it... Yeah, he's being a... what you would say a brat. Um, he, you know, is, um, like, by the way, I have to do this all like every weekend and, you know, their kids are pretty small, they're toddlers and, you know, he'll go on to say, you know, this is, you know, for you, what you like to do and because they're not going to remember.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Throws Temper Tantrums
So what, what's the point, you know, this is a waste of time and, We shouldn't be spending the money anyway, and he just keeps going on.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Throws Temper Tantrums
Well, I'm expecting our fourth. I mean, like for family things, I find around where we live, it's nice to have him on the weekends so he can, you know, kind of play with the kids.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Throws Temper Tantrums
Yeah. It's hard because I thought he did. Because sometimes when we do go out, he does enjoy himself. So that just makes it hard. What does he say?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Throws Temper Tantrums
Well, he works from home. And he says he needs to be out, you know, working and doing things for us for, you know, our financial stability. And then whatever we do on the weekends takes away from that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
Good. It's awesome to talk to you.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
Well, my question is, how do I tell my kids that they were conceived with fertility treatments using donor sperm and that their dad is not their biological father?
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
He's on the birth certificate. He's their father since birth.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
I don't think either one of us are having a problem with it. It's just... We just don't know how to approach this subject. You know, it's not a question of if we should tell them. We want to. We want them to hear it from us, not find out by chance someday doing a DNA test.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
And back when we were going through this, it wasn't really... I mean, we thought about that future, but it was more that... we just deeply wanted the kids and we were going to make our family this way. Um, but now we know for sure they are going to find out someday and we want them to hear it from us.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
Um, my husband has two from a former marriage and I have one as well from a previous relationship.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
No, the older one, he's beginning puberty. So we've had that talk.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
He had had a vasectomy and then we had planned to reverse it, which we tried, but it was unsuccessful.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
we definitely have a good relationship as far as we can speak freely about things. We are conservative Christians. So I think there's some of that, that some of the sex talk isn't open every day. Sure. They're pretty sheltered in what they watch and not that I'm not, you know, I know that they've seen things or heard things, but.
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
How do I tell my kids that they were conceived with fertility treatments using donor sperm and that their dad is not their biological father?
The Dr. John Delony Show
How Do I Tell My Kids He’s Not Their Father?
Okay. Are you familiar with any data on kids or families like mine, like from a child development perspective? child development perspective and all that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
I am awesome. Super excited to talk to you.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
I'm very anxious, so I'm just going to start rattling off my question. Don't be anxious.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
Well, I have a question. All right, bring it. So how can my husband and I pay off over $40,000 in debt stay debt-free, and be able to teach our kid good money habits when our habits are in the toilet.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
Okay. So my husband and I have been married for over almost 20 years. We've been together since we were in high school, high school, sweetheart.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
I know. It's so great. I'll send you the prom picture. It's great.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
No, it was Celine Dion because it was the Titanic. Oh, my gosh.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
All right. So we're a law enforcement family. My husband's been in law enforcement for over 20 years. I'm also a special needs mom for 14 years. And so one of the proudest moments was when I gave birth to my son. The next day was payday. And I paid off our credit card and I was like, this is the best. Amazing.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
And then our son started down this road of all these medical needs and nobody knew what was going on with him. And we spent the last, the next four years trying to figure out a diagnosis for him. So, um, I'm sorry.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
It's a really rare diagnosis that like 32 people in the world have. Oh, man. But thankfully, everything is controlled. We've got therapy. We've got medication. Life is good in that. We figured out some financial stuff that we can use for financial assistance. That's been great. but it just feels like whenever we get a chance to get ahead, like we do really well.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
And then all of a sudden we're back into our old habits. And so I know of about $45,000 in debt. I secretly feel like there's more. Um, one of the things I told him about at the beginning of the year, it's like, we need to sit down and like really be honest about our finances, where we're at and how are we going to do better? Because we have a, we have a 12 year old as well. Um, who is,
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
like has no concept of money and we are not doing a great job, set him up for success. So what is, what is the best way to have this conversation with my husband who, um, is prideful in what he does, which, you know, I love him. He's been an amazing supportive husband and has always provided, um, like he's working six days a week. He's working as much as he can, um, to try to help make ends meet.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
And so we just aren't coming up with a great plan that's helping us move forward in the right direction.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
And I think that's where he's trying to figure out. We've got some investment properties that I don't know a ton about. He knows more about that than I do. I see it as another place for us where we're spending money. And he's like, but it's coming out of the business. I'm like, but it's supposed to be an investment, but we're in debt.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
And another kind of like side to this. So I have stayed at home with my boys since I've given birth. And there's a guilt factor in that I spend money because of the house. I buy things for the house. Boys' haircuts, groceries, whatever. And there's a guilt factor that I have because... I'm not working outside the home to bring in some income to be able to help the family. Any advice for that?
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
No, but there is the occasional like, oh, your boyfriend's in the neighborhood, also known as the Amazon man, delivers my packages.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
I think he is. But you know, sometimes after you start to hear things over and over again, you're like, wait, is this reality? Like, am I really? But, you know, and it's a battle, and I think it's also just... my work history and like, I used to be a provider. I used to be, I used to be the one that was the breadwinner between the two of us before we had kids. And then now it's kind of gone.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
And so trying to let that go.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
Yep. I love that. I love that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
But at the same time, it was great because I take things personally when we have these conversations. And so your tips on communication was really helpful.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
He just loves toys and loves to buy them and loves to buy gifts for everybody.
The Dr. John Delony Show
I’m Angry All the Time and It’s Ruining My Life
He's probably like early elementary school.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Spends All My Salary
It is. And like two months ago when she got out of this relationship, she was crying and I was there for her and she said, please don't disappear on me. And this is kind of one of the things that opened my eyes. A lot of people have disappeared on her. And I was like, well, maybe you are the common denominator. And it was like light bulb went on for me. So I told her I wouldn't disappear.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Spends All My Salary
But now I'm like, well, maybe I do want to disappear.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Spends All My Salary
Well, that's one thing I'm good at. I don't filter. I'm very direct. She comes to me when she needs the direct, like what's happening here. And I'll tell her what I feel. I don't, I mean, I'm not mean about it, but I don't sugarcoat it.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Spends All My Salary
Right. And we've weathered a few of those where I did something to help her and she blew up on me and stopped talking to me and then came back later and said, yeah, that was the right thing to do. Cool. And I was like, yeah.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Spends All My Salary
And that's another thing. I'm a mom. I'm married.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Spends All My Salary
She's single. She's divorced. That's right. And we're way, she, you know, I feel like she lives her life like she's in her 20s and she's almost 40.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Spends All My Salary
And I'm like, I'm in a different place and you don't, she doesn't ever support me in the things that I need. Okay, but Amy, Amy, Amy. Whatever's happening there.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Spends All My Salary
You just carry it with you. I'm sad that that had to end.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Spends All My Salary
There's really nothing else I can do for her. I've done everything I can do. She's drowning me.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Spends All My Salary
I am looking at ending a 30-year friendship.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Spends All My Salary
Well, it's a little bit of a long story. Do you want me to get into it?
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Spends All My Salary
Well, the highlights is I have a friend who I've been, we met in kindergarten. We've been good friends for 30 years. Um, it's, you know, we, with any relationship, it's had its ebbs and flows, ups and downs. But lately, um, I've been feeling like I'm in a toxic relationship. She has, um, she has been trapped in a cycle of toxic relationships with men since high school.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Spends All My Salary
And I've been her go-to person to save her, to help her, to support her. And I've been happy to do that. She's one of my ride or dies friends. But this last time she got out of a toxic relationship and then went right back in, it kind of opened my eyes to some things that maybe she's the toxic one and maybe I'm in a toxic relationship. Yeah.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Spends All My Salary
So I'm looking at kind of pulling away and shutting this friendship down. And there's a lot of grief associated with that.
The Dr. John Delony Show
My Husband Spends All My Salary
I think that's kind of what I've been doing. So I went through some training recently where I've been extremely busy and I kind of was like, I'm not, I'm not available this month and kind of let that ease out and But now I'm feeling like, should I tell her why I'm not going to answer her phone calls?
The Planet Reigate Podcast
71: The local board-gamers group, your ‘wants’ for Reigate High Street… and more
Let me come round and actually... It's more that the coffee machine's really...
The Planet Reigate Podcast
71: The local board-gamers group, your ‘wants’ for Reigate High Street… and more
what's going on here amy we're playing civilization a new dawn so it's based off a video game and it's gained victory points based on area control placing certain tokens down killing people to be completely honest so killing people yeah you're taking over city states and stuff it sounds very very serious how important amy is having a laugh while you're doing this
The Planet Reigate Podcast
71: The local board-gamers group, your ‘wants’ for Reigate High Street… and more
It's the main reason I come, so very, very important. If you can't have a laugh with the people you're playing with, it gets pretty dull very quickly.
The Planet Reigate Podcast
71: The local board-gamers group, your ‘wants’ for Reigate High Street… and more
I have a lot of those. I'm very well known for my outbursts of when I've made mistakes like that or for when someone's screwed me over. I think that's kind of my signature of this club at this point is just hearing me screaming from across the room.
The Planet Reigate Podcast
71: The local board-gamers group, your ‘wants’ for Reigate High Street… and more
Have you ever been to the point of life where you're kind of just existing and you're going through the motions of just, I'm just going to work and then I'm going home and that's it? And I found it advertised on Facebook and I'd always had an interest in board games, but none of my family were, so I never got to play them. So I thought, screw it, and showed up and I've been here every week since.
The Planet Reigate Podcast
71: The local board-gamers group, your ‘wants’ for Reigate High Street… and more
I'm getting out of my house a lot more than anything.
The Planet Reigate Podcast
71: The local board-gamers group, your ‘wants’ for Reigate High Street… and more
Yeah, there's definitely a big stereotype about the whole nerd stereotype. I very much fit that one. If I'm not board gaming, I'm in my bedroom on my computer. But this is definitely breaking the mould, clubs like this. It is encouraging people who would normally be introverts to go out and be a bit more extroverted and meet new people.
The Planet Reigate Podcast
71: The local board-gamers group, your ‘wants’ for Reigate High Street… and more
I've doubled my friend count in the last six weeks, so it definitely works.
The Planet Reigate Podcast
71: The local board-gamers group, your ‘wants’ for Reigate High Street… and more
No, no, of course not. I use that selectively because I'm happy to say I'm a nerd. But you don't have to be. I think there's plenty of people here who have very un-stereotypically nerdy jobs and hobbies and they still just enjoy it. You definitely don't have to be.
The Planet Reigate Podcast
71: The local board-gamers group, your ‘wants’ for Reigate High Street… and more
There has not yet been a game here that I have played before. OK.
The Planet Reigate Podcast
71: The local board-gamers group, your ‘wants’ for Reigate High Street… and more
You are going to learn something from scratch. You're not going to find... There's no Cluedo and Monopoly or this sort of stuff here. But a lot of the games look very heavy, but in reality they're not. And they are really easy to learn. And even if they are a heavier one to learn, everyone is very patient and happy to deal with bajillion questions of how do you play the game, basically.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke... Do You Really Want To Be Normal?
So I'm a little confused as to where to go. I own two properties. One of them is on the island and that property I owe about $400,000 on. It's worth $700,000. My monthly payment with HOA and everything is $4,500. I own another property just over the bridge. It's a bicycle ride to the beach. That is an Airbnb property.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke... Do You Really Want To Be Normal?
I've been making about $50,000 a year on, but I don't owe anything on that property. That is worth about $650,000. What I am thinking of doing is selling my property on the island. I don't I'm kind of tired of the HOA stuff. And, um, actually I'm in the process after hurricane, um, Milton renovating my Airbnb property right now. And I'm thinking I want to move into it.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke... Do You Really Want To Be Normal?
Thinking of some on the island and moving into the house just over the bridge. Then I'll have no, no house debt. Um, I have 200,000 in cash after the renovation leftover. And then if I sold the condo, I would make $300,000 profit off of that. So I'd have a half a million. The only other debt I have is my car, which I just bought. What's that?
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke... Do You Really Want To Be Normal?
Well, it's kind of against Dave's rules, I know, but I just bought a new Infiniti Iowa $70,000 on that. So that's a $1,300 a month payment. I have a 70,000 IRA, a $20,000 Fidelity account.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke... Do You Really Want To Be Normal?
What's wrong with that? It's not what's wrong with it. I think that's a smart decision. The question I have for you guys is, So I'm a real estate broker. I've done real estate, you know, renovations, flips, building all my life. I'm a single woman, 55 years old.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke... Do You Really Want To Be Normal?
If I did this move and my condo actually sold and I got into the house, I have a half a million and I need to know what to do with it because I'm most likely to want to buy real estate and fix it and do all that. And I'm not knowledgeable at all about the stock market. I'm trying to just
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke... Do You Really Want To Be Normal?
wrap my brain around all of it and learn because I'm getting to the age where I want the money to work for me instead of me working the money, you know?
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke... Do You Really Want To Be Normal?
Well, that's, um, that varies quite a lot, but, um, Anything from $100,000 to $300,000 a year. Okay.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke... Do You Really Want To Be Normal?
So the condo on the island is, I owe $399. Is that where you're living?
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke... Do You Really Want To Be Normal?
Perfect. I'm renovating it, but I'm thinking about moving here.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke... Do You Really Want To Be Normal?
Anywhere from like 100 to 300. I've made a little more than that.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke... Do You Really Want To Be Normal?
I've always felt like, I've always felt like I do better with real estate than I do with like, Because stocks have always scared me. You know, it's always been an unknown.
The Ramsey Show
If You Want To Be a Millionaire, Do What Millionaires Do
Hi, I'm just curious. Is it up to the employer's discretion to allow or not allow a conversion from traditional 401k to Roth 401k? I've asked multiple times, and my answer has been they don't do it.
The Ramsey Show
If You Want To Be a Millionaire, Do What Millionaires Do
Mine does. Mine does have both. So I've since done contributing to Roth, but I was hoping to... Your company offers a Roth 401k and a regular 401k.
The Ramsey Show
If You Want To Be a Millionaire, Do What Millionaires Do
Good. How are you guys doing?
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke and in Debt. Do You Want To Be Normal?
Okay. Sure sounds like real debt to me.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke and in Debt. Do You Want To Be Normal?
Well, yeah, but other than that, I have no debt.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke and in Debt. Do You Want To Be Normal?
Are they making 0%? No, they're making a little bit. There's a couple of them in savings, and then some of it's just cash.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke and in Debt. Do You Want To Be Normal?
I have a life insurance, a small life insurance policy that's all I have.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke and in Debt. Do You Want To Be Normal?
Right now. My 19-year-old is away at college, but I mean, he'll be here when he's not at college.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke and in Debt. Do You Want To Be Normal?
My monthly expenses are about $16.75.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke and in Debt. Do You Want To Be Normal?
Probably not. I could probably do a thousand.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke and in Debt. Do You Want To Be Normal?
Yeah, it just depends on the time of the year. During the summer, I make a lot more because I have way more children.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke and in Debt. Do You Want To Be Normal?
And that's kind of why I haven't done it. I just don't understand any of it, and I've always been afraid of it, and I've watched too much American Greed, so...
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke and in Debt. Do You Want To Be Normal?
I do childcare, and so during the summer I get a full house. I have all the kids from school, school-age children, so I have 12 kids all summer long. And then during the winter, kids go off to school, and I tend to have less. And this year I chose to have a few less because I took my first grandbaby. I'm watching her. And with a baby, it's just a lot more work.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke and in Debt. Do You Want To Be Normal?
And so I've had less children during the years. Are you getting paid to watch the baby?
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke and in Debt. Do You Want To Be Normal?
Probably a good number. 2030? I don't know.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke and in Debt. Do You Want To Be Normal?
Well, I am turning 61 in two weeks.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke and in Debt. Do You Want To Be Normal?
And I have been good with my money all along, but I have failed to have a retirement fund. And I'm wondering at this point what I can do so that I can retire maybe at 67.
The Ramsey Show
Normal Is Broke and in Debt. Do You Want To Be Normal?
I have no retirement fund, but I do have... Cash, and I have no real debt. The only debt I have is about $9,000 that I took out a 0% interest loan and did some updates on my house.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
Um, so my husband and I have been stuck in saving up a thousand dollar emergency fund for like three years. Like we save up the funds and have to start over.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
So we make between the two of us right now, we make about a hundred thousand dollars a year. Uh, but we also have an average of eight, uh,
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
So I have chronic health issues. My husband has chronic health issues. We have our oldest son has a diagnosed disability, and our youngest son has developmental delays. Got it.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
Um, yes. So this year for my, for my baby, we hit the out of pocket on January 15th.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
I do. Yeah. And my company pays 80% of the premium for us.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
Are you coping? We've had car accidents. We've had home emergencies. We had a slab leak in our house that displaced us for...
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
six weeks last year and the head insurance the way the policy was written is they recovered they covered all of the like refurbishing repairs from the water damage but they wouldn't actually cover the like plumbing repair um let's see what else what that cost you uh that was five grand um that we ended up having to borrow because our emergency fund was only $1,000.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
Are there a lot of debt payments? Our mortgage currently is one-third of our income. It didn't start out that way, but then we had some property tax snafus that we didn't understand. We also have two car payments.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
Yeah. We also have two car payments. We're paying off some student loans and we got sucked into the solar.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
But I kind of want to say scam. So that's where.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
It just disappears every month. Yeah, and I have one in diapers and one that's working on being potty trained, but because of the disability, that's taking forever. And then, you know, we've got formula costs and, yeah.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
Yes, I work from home and take care of our, well, so I take care of our one-year-old. Our three-year-old is in ADA therapy, which my insurance covers most of, but we are still paying about $75 a day for it.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
Well, the cars are kind of a messy situation right now because we had two car payments, and then my husband got into a car accident, and his car got totaled. But there were multiple cars involved and multiple insurance companies involved, and so they're working on... Basically trying to figure out how they can get away without paying for anything.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
So we are actually effectively right now paying for three cars.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
So it was not his fault. So we were hoping that maybe the other insurance companies would take responsibility, but they have not. So we just started the process of getting our insurance to cover the cost of it.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
Okay. And what do you owe on them? But you didn't have to get a $22,000 car.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
Hey, me and my husband are arguing a little bit. We are looking at purchasing a second home slash investment property at the beach. And we have a paid off. Our primary residence is paid off. We don't have intentions of moving. We have another investment property locally that is running in cash flowing. We both have good jobs, make good money.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
And my husband's viewpoint is we need 100% of everything. the proceeds to buy the second home. And my view is we could just put 20% down. So we wanted a third opinion to weigh in on our discussion.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
Yeah, that would be rented as well.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
But either way... Until it's paid off.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
No, no, no. We're 100% debt-free. So both properties are debt-free? No debt. Correct. Yeah, we have no debt at all.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
Our household income is about $350,000 to $375,000.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
Right now, we're saving $8,000 to $7,000 or $8,000 a month.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
And we're maxing out our retirement account. So that's just cash after taxes, after everything else.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
Yeah. No, that would, the, the other rental is probably two 50 would sell for about two 50 pretty easily.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
So my husband also threw out the idea of buying another rental in town that cash flows.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
Laguna Beach. It's on the end of Panama City right before you get to Santa Rosa.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
Mm hmm. Yep. Actually, my husband said that before.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
Yeah, kind of. But yeah, he is the Dave Ramsey lover. So he told you to call in.
The Ramsey Show
You Can’t Win with Money if You Keep Borrowing It
No, he said I wouldn't do it. And I was like, I think we can do it. Let's get Dave's opinion.
This American Life
332: The Ten Commandments
Well, she's not in my class, but her name is Arlene. My friend Amanda has a sidekick. My cousin has a sidekick. Arlene has a sidekick. Christine has a sidekick. Who else got a sidekick? This girl on the train got a sidekick.
This American Life
332: The Ten Commandments
Yeah. Almost all my family got a sidekick. I want a sidekick. I don't have a sidekick. I lost my phone, actually, but I want a sidekick, but I don't got it yet. See? Yeah, she has one. She, yeah, she has one.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
We're just two patriots who love our country, who served our country, and not just in the military, but also in politics. And we're here to tell it like it is.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
The Peter Navarro who said recently that tariffs are not taxes. They're taxes on like other countries, but not on us or something like that. And I was like, that is just the opposite.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Absolutely. And one of the reasons that I wanted to partner with Denver to do the show was that, you know, Denver ran as a Republican. He stepped up in 2018 when I stepped up because we needed better leaders in this country. And we had something to give back to this country and make sure that Americans know the truth.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
All right? And so let me break it down a little bit, okay? Sure, break it. One, because they say on the right, all right? And I'm just pointing at you because, you know— Wait, am I in the—where am I in the shot?
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
They say, hey, these tariffs are going to restore the industrial base. Right. Okay. Maybe, but not for a really, really, really, really long time. All right. And it's not going to happen overnight. And and and I would argue that under the last administration, which was Democratic administration, we were starting to do that with some good policies to begin with. OK, that's number one.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Number two, these tariffs are going to replace income tax. That's what your your buddy Navarro said. Right. No, they won't. They're not going to replace income tax. And Americans are getting taxed twice, right? Because we're going to have income tax and we're going to have the tax that is the higher prices that we're going to all suffer through because of these tariffs.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
And number three, Trump says and Trump's people say that we're going to pay off the U.S. debt with these tariffs. Now— If you know anything about deficits or debt, you know how freaking laughable that statement is. It's not even close. Not even close. This is a tax on Americans.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
It's a tax on the, you know, working class Americans because we spend on things and we have a higher percentage of our income as, you know, spending on those things. And all of the prices are going to be higher. This is just stupid.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Can't do it. We'll have a show on that to make the graphs complete.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Here's something that Peter Navarro just said. Tariffs equal tax cuts. And when I read that, I was just laughing because, you know, that's when my kids think that money that comes out of the ATM is free. Like, that's the same. Tariffs do not equal tax cuts. The answer is no, they do not equal tax cuts. It's the opposite. This will actually hurt Americans in their wallets. It's going to happen.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
I like Denver because he's got a tremendous background in new technologies and AI. He was an intelligence officer in the Air Force. And now... Probably even more impressive is that he owns and operates, but he's not the master distiller of a very cool distillery in Virginia. But today, what are we drinking on our very first episode?
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
And here's the thing. Trump ran on lowering prices. And here's the question I want to ask you. Has anything been lowered? No. Egg prices been lowered?
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
We're just going to increase the prices because that's what tariffs are going to do. That's what tariffs do. When you impose a tariff on another country, you're imposing a tax on that other country. Guess what they do in response? It's tear soap. They impose another tax on us. And that's you and me buying their products.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
So just recently, Canada, right, took off all of their bourbon from Kentucky off the shelves. What does that do to the bourbon industry in Kentucky?
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
And here's the thing. When you listen to Donald Trump and he says— Ah, tariffs are going to make us great again. We're going to have so much cash. It's going to be great. We're going to be rolling in the dough. You know, whatever he says. You know what I'm talking about. I think people need to know that's bullshit. Remember, he said Mexico would pay for the wall. Did Mexico pay for the wall? No.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
So he's lying. The additional costs will not be paid by other countries. They will be paid by Americans. Prices will go up. You know, our biggest trading partner, our biggest trading partner is what now?
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
So to put all the, where do we, what do we get from Mexico?
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Yeah. We got a lot of fruits and vegetables. All that stuff's going to go up. That's right. Canada, we got a lot of crude oil. All that stuff's going to go up. So all those prices are going to go up. Wait till we have the avocado riots in the United States. I want my heart-healthy avocados now. And here's the other thing. Didn't Donald Trump, wasn't he the one that negotiated the update to NAFTA?
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
NAFTA was the North American Free Trade Agreement that was negotiated by Clinton. Back by Bill Clinton back in the 90s. And that that was actually, in my opinion, a very good deal. And it was with I mean, we need to have another discussion. OK, with Canada, with Canada and Mexico, which are our largest trade partners. They are. And Donald Trump negotiated that again to the USMCA.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Yeah, and I still think that there are a lot of Americans that are kind of like, well, you know, kind of Trump knows what he's doing and we got to do these tariffs for a while because we got to curb illegal immigration and all that. Look, folks, there's ways to curb all these stuff without putting a massive tax on Americans.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
All right. Good deal. Last topic. Do you want to talk—
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Well, the best peace deal, in my mind, would be for Russia to get the heck out of Ukraine. And I think that's what the Ukrainians have wanted the entire time. There is no... both sides here. And that has been, I think, the biggest shift in the last few months since Trump has become president. The messaging that Republicans, that Marco Rubio, J.D. Vance,
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Donald Trump are trying to push out there is that there should be both sides here. Both sides are good and let's just come to a peace deal. No, no, no, there are no good, both sides are not good here. We have one country that invaded, invaded another country. We have one country that is bombing civilians. Not, you know, of another country.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
We have one country that is basically on a daily basis instituting war crimes. You know, what they've done to civilians in Bucha and other places, you know, lopping off heads. These are not—they're not all the same.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
We have been on the side of the good guys here, on the side of democracy, on the side of our partners, on the side of standing up for the, in my opinion, the world order that the greatest generation built for us. OK, and the other side is Vladimir Putin and the Russians that are doing unspeakable things to the Ukrainians.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
And so now we have a president that has come in and has basically said, hey, Ukraine, why don't you just give up 25 percent of your country? And the Ukrainians are not wanting that because they don't want to give up their country. And frankly, I don't think they should have to give up their country. Now, we have been giving the Ukrainians some weapons and some aid.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
So has Europe to defend themselves. And why is that so important? If you're somebody that's like, I don't even know where Ukraine is on a map. We don't do that. If we don't give them the weapons that they need and Europe doesn't give them the aid that they need, Russians are just going to take over. And they're not going to stop in Ukraine. They're going to go elsewhere.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
They're going to be emboldened by this. This is exactly what happened in the 1930s when we looked, our country, you know, along with many in Europe, looked at Adolf Hitler and said, maybe we'll just give him a little bit of land here and see what happens. No, no, no. That's not how this works.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
And so, yeah, it's a long way for me to say that what they're trying to do right now is, in my opinion, not the right way to go.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
And look, here's the thing. Vladimir Putin, by the way, is not winning.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
I'm sorry. But if you need like 10,000 North Koreans to help you out on the battlefield, you ain't winning.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
We were on the side of war criminals. Yeah, absolutely. Congratulations. United States is now on the side of war criminals. How does that make you feel? I'll tell you what, as somebody that served my country, that doesn't make me feel really good right now.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
And so every episode, we're going to be talking about bourbon. We're going to be talking about whiskey. Why? Because, let's face it, folks, we need a little bit of this to get through what we're getting through in our country right now.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Amen. And we're here to talk about what you should know as Americans, especially on matters of national security. And this is an age where a lot of people don't believe corporate media. So we're going to talk to you about our experiences and what's going on in the world.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
So let's get started, all right? We're going to talk about some important topics that are going on in our country. The first one that I wanted to tackle was these massive cuts that the current administration is implementing that's hurting, in my opinion, the veterans, the VA, right? And look, the biggest thing from my perspective, the first thing, and I'm interested in yours, is number one,
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Okay, so Donald Trump and his VA secretary and then the Elon Musk doge people who have clearly never served their country in uniform and have no idea what that really means are sweeping through all the agencies and they're going to the VA and they are talking about cutting 80,000 jobs at the VA. And the current secretary of the VA says, hey, stand by. There's major changes. Get used to it.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
But don't worry, veterans. It's not going to affect your health care. Let me just say right off the bat, that is total bullshit.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Well, Elon says cut. And Doug just rolls along with that. Of course. But here's the thing. I mean, you cannot cut 80,000 workers and expect better health care outcomes. It just doesn't work that way. It doesn't. And here's what annoys me. The VA and a lot of people say, well, hey, how come you can't just privatize veterans health care? Well, number one, there's no big calling to privatize.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
There are some right wing veterans groups like that were led by Pete Hegsath and many of the current, unfortunately, assistant secretaries of the V.A. who always wanted to privatize the V.A., They could never do it. Why? Because there's no broad calling to privatize the VA from veterans or from the American public. It's always an eyesore to them, right? Because what is VA health care?
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
It's universal health care for veterans. It's socialized medicine, and it works. Now, it's not perfect.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Now, my husband and I both get our health care through the VA. And we will tell you, you know, it's not perfect. But in our region, it's great. They do tremendous work. But it's, you know, every region is different. And we have to concede that. But we have to make it better. not throw it away.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Here's the thing I want to ask you, though. Right. Why—because you're a Republican. You know all these guys. I do. Why are they doing this? Why are they—because clearly it's going to hurt vets. It may not hurt vets in proportion to our age. It may not hurt sort of younger vets as much. But a lot of older vets— really rely on the VA.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
My uncle, for example, is a Vietnam vet who had an illness related to Agent Orange. And he got a lot of care later on in his life dealing with that. That is not something that you get from the local clinic. And that's another thing that a lot of, I think, Americans need to understand is the VA helps veterans specifically blast injuries, traumatic brain injuries,
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Things that only, I mean, you don't get exposed to Agent Orange in civilian life. You don't get exposed as much to toxic fumes the way we were exposed to toxic fumes in Afghanistan and Iraq. That, by the way, the last administration passed the PACT Act that allowed veterans of our generation to get health care from. And now they're basically trying to undermine all this. Why are they doing that?
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Why even get into that position? You want that position so bad. And then when you get into it, you basically just throw all of your morals and principles away to keep the position. What's the point? I mean, the Republican Party used to be the party of national security, used to be the party of, hey, I'm going to stand for veterans. And now they're just A-OK with cutting veterans' health care.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
And here's the other thing about being a veteran. And yes, you and I are both veterans, so maybe don't take this the wrong way for people that are watching, but here's my belief. We ask people to sign the dotted line. for four years of their life, at least four years of their life. At least. Put on a uniform, go through a tremendous amount of pretty hard shit, okay, in training.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Maybe put your life at risk and go into harm's way. You don't know if you're gonna go, but you might. And you could be a logistician, you could be an admin person, and you can be in harm's way. It does not matter what your, quote, MOS is. You sign the dotted line for four years. You basically give up your rights.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
And in return, we give a handshake deal to these less than 1% of Americans that do this. And that handshake deal is a little more than a handshake. It used to be an actual promise. Prior to the Trump administration, it was a promise. And that promise says, we're going to give you some GI benefits. We're going to give you some educational benefits.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
You might get your college paid for, depending on what state you're in, right? We might give you a better home loan, a better rate on home loan. Yeah, I've used it. You know, we might give you preferential treatment on getting a federal job if you get out. But the biggest thing we give people, the biggest thing is you're going to get health care for life, quality health care for life.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
And right now, the attack on that is what is making me very upset.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Yeah, the F-4 and the F-14 were called Rios. But in the F-18, we call them Wizzos.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Yeah. And the final thing on this, just for people, I mean, when you walk into the VA and your therapists, the people who are doctors and nurses, have to greet you at the counter because we fired all the people that we think are, quote, non-essential. I mean... That doesn't make a good running health organization.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
We're firing people right now that are doing things like making sure our health records that from the active duty get into the Veterans Administration. I mean, these are important things for health care. I mean, I'm not an expert, but like... Just the blanket firing of people just makes me really upset. And also because these are people that, you know, they're caring for veterans.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
You know, they could be out there doing lots of things, but they care about, you know, the folks that serve this country.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
Tariffs. All right. Look, this is a national security podcast, and we're going to talk a lot about national security, intelligence, the military, all that stuff. However— Tariffs affect all of us. It affects our economy. And I just got to say, this whole idea of putting tariffs on Mexico, Canada, all of our partners and allies, unprovoked for no reason, is just galactically stupid.
Truth in the Barrel
Launch Day | Live From Bourbon County
I mean, we are like, it's almost like he's doing the opposite of what you would do to help growth in our country, in our economy. What's going on here?
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
This episode is presented by Colgate Optic White. Our wedding is coming up and something I'm really being conscious of is my teeth. I want them to be white and beautiful and I want to look back at all my photos and ah, and that is where Colgate Optic White comes in. Whether you're a bride or a guest, you can get a smile glow up with Colgate's Optic White Overnight Whitening Pen.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
You don't need a $14,000 a month house. $14,000 a month in a mortgage. About a $1.4 million mortgage. If not more, it could be two. Yeah, roughly the house was probably 20% down, about 1.6 and change. I mean, I don't know what interest rate they got, but I mean, that is a lot of money. And it's like, you're putting us in financial crisis. I think we need to evaluate our monthly expenses then.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
No, it definitely is a very privileged problem to have, but it's still like, even with the privilege, he's not being a partner. Like when is he parenting? He's not right. If it's, if it's the kid is with the nanny or the kid is with me and he has no time with the kid, He's a sperm donor. He's not a dad. Yeah. He's not a parent. He's not a partner. He's a sperm donor.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Yeah, the underwear would be a tough gig. A lot of people apparently want you to go work out in them, wear them for a week. No, thank you.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I think she should get divorced and then have 50-50 custody. Then he'll have to step up.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Yeah. I think OP should sell the house, get her hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars back, split custody, start a business. Win-win all around.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Give him the D. Divorce. Bringing it back.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Sometimes therapy is overrated when you're talking to a brick wall. Okay. You can convince yourself all day. She knows what she wants. Is couples therapy going to help this guy? I don't know. Have you watched the show Couples Therapy? No. Nope. Amazing. Amazing show. And there's one couple on there that actually reminds me of this guy.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
And the therapist kind of clocks it and calls him out on it and... He is obstinate and just does not change and is not a good partner. And his wife sticks with him. And it's why they cycle through therapists. It's a really good show.
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No, thank you. I'm your host, Morgan. And today I have somewhat familiar faces for you all, unless you're new here. Welcome. But I am joined by my sister-in-law, Amy, and my brother, Matt. Hello. They have their own podcast, their very own show as well called Midwest Married. So if you can't get enough, you want more stories, relationship advice. You don't have to be from the Midwest to listen.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Develop a lot of resentment. I mean, there's so many feelings that can come with that.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
You guys know where I fall. There's so, so, so many more comments from OP. If I read them all, we would literally be here until tomorrow. So the link will be in the description of the video. But yeah, OP does have one last final edit. Good. Thanks for all the comments. I've replied to many. I'm going to try some of the suggestions offered to get to a better agreement.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I will post an update with how it goes. All right. However, here we are 24 days later. We have no official update yet.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Still working on it. It's only been three weeks. Going through the lawyers. Going through the lawyers. So we'll have to keep our eyes peeled. But moving along. All right. Story number two. This is coming from our very own Two Hot Takes subreddit, 18 days old, titled, My boyfriend slash baby daddy, 32 male, tells me, 27 female, I'm too sensitive about his humor.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Okay, so boyfriend, baby daddy, and I have been together for around six years now, and we have two young boys. He constantly makes jokes about slash towards me around our kids, and I hate it. When I voice my feelings about this, he's just brushed it off as me being too sensitive. As an example, yesterday I came out of our room wearing this outfit in the photos.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I just bought the shirt because I recently gained around 20 pounds due to a new medication. All of my other clothes have been making me feel like a stuffed sausage, so I was feeling pretty good in my new shirt. When I walked into the living room, he turned to me and said, That shirt is a little small. I replied, It's just the style. It's supposed to be a little short. It's cropped.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
He gave me a smarmy smile and said, Eh, it's still a little small. I then tried to explain that I'd just bought the shirt and it was in a larger size, but he cut me off and told me to go deal with my insecurities. And then turned to our three-year-old and said, women, right? Am I really being too sensitive? Three-year-old? Or does this seem as disrespectful as it feels to me?
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
So cute. Love the shirt. You look so good. I'm blown the fuck away. Look at this other picture.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Yes, you'll see it on the video. Ma'am. I wish I looked this good. He is trying to tear you down.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
It's It's great. It's a really cute shirt. Great outfit. It's essentially like a mint green shirt. Honestly, not even that cropped. It still goes like below your belly button, has some flowers, cute little flared leggings. Just vibe. Absolute vibe. Did OP call it humor in the beginning?
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I mean, I don't understand how this was ever supposed to be funny.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Your shirt's a little small. Is there a joke there? Is there a joke? Because I don't I don't hear one. You trying to be a comedian because you're not funny. Someone give him the hook. Pull him off. Terrible. And I just I think, as you said, like you should not be setting this example for your children.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
You can live anywhere, but you guys have your own show. It's pretty fun, too.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
You want your sons to grow up and treat their partners this way because they're learning this is acceptable behavior, right? You deserve so much better. It's not acceptable. It's insane behavior. And the fact that he's trying to brush off poking fun at you, making you insecure... I don't know how he's trying to brush that off as humor, especially when this is your partner.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
You gain some weight because of a new medication. You've likely confided in him saying, I don't feel good in my own skin. This medication is making me gain weight. My other clothes are making me feel like I'm a stuffed sausage. You're probably relaying this information to him and he comes at you with, looks a little small.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I don't know. I don't know how you're going to. Okay.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
smarmy i love that word smarmy i like ingratiating and wheedling in a way that is perceived as insincere or excessive can't you just picture it when someone's like poking fun at you and still like smirking at you i agree insincere i stand by my original comments but i just wanted to see no not only does she have great um style she also has a great vocabulary so i'm on her side
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214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Yeah, and I think, you know, there are times when you try something on and you go out and ask for your partner's opinion, right? Hey, what do you think of this dress? Should I wear this tonight? Do you like this one or do you like this one better? But it was so unsolicited and it wasn't... Anything but negativity. It was it was negging. It was trying to tear her down.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
And whether it's from his own insecurity and he's trying to tear her down so she doesn't leave him. I don't know what. But I.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
This is not... This person does not deserve you. No. Top comment. You're not being oversensitive and fuck anyone that says otherwise. Your boys are watching and learning. Don't normalize this behavior. You deserve better. They deserve better. Yes. Next comment down. I literally saw Red reading this post. What a vile man and a poor excuse for a father.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Not only is he cruel to OP, but he's teaching his sons to be cruel too. I don't know how she can stand being in the same room as him, to be honest. OP deserves better. So much better than this. I hope she takes these comments to heart. Someone goes, father? Nah, he just provided spermatuza. Yeah. Spermatazoa? Spermatazoa. Thank you. You're welcome.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I'll be sure to link it. But today I'm getting into all sorts of just relationship dilemmas and marital woes, just all sorts of quality marital chaos. I need a title. I've been trying to think and rack my brain for a title. I didn't even put anything on the folder. I just had it labeled Matt and Amy on my folder because I've been waiting for you guys for a lot of these stories. I love it.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I didn't have that. That's a new one for me. Big word for Elmo. What? You don't hear that one?
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Just trying to see if there's any other comments. People were saying like, oh, you can see your gut. What? Opie responds, you can't even see my gut. The shirt is barely cropped. It's not cropped. Right. It's honestly not cropped. No.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Yeah. I'm going to say this is not looking good at all based on the comments. There is a comment here from OP. I think someone was asking, why are you still with him? Like, why haven't you tried to leave? And OP goes, mostly because he and his mother have me pretty much trapped until my parents moved closer. I tried to leave a year or so ago and they threatened to take my kids from me.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I have nowhere else to go in the state I live in besides our house or my mother-in-law's. My parents live across the country, so that makes things difficult. They're moving closer to help soon though.
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214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I think that's like kidnapping. Yeah. Is it? It's dicey. I'm not about to pretend I'm a lawyer. I'm not either. You could post on legal advice and mention what state you're in and get legal advice, but like not legal advice because it's Reddit. But yeah, I don't think it would look good, especially if you do try to get full custody. Right. Yeah.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Safe haven or... There are shelter options, I'm sure, locally.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I know. And it just can get dangerous when people do try to leave bad partners. I mean... Yes. It...
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
can go very south and it does not always end well but luckily op does have like a little update here in the comments i've made an appointment with a new therapist and i wrote in on my intake paper that i'm leaving my boyfriend and i would like help in working through that i also spoke with my parents about fast tracking their move so they're planning on moving closer in the next few months oh he's a oh i forgot he's a boyfriend no that's great that her parents are moving closer i know so
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
How do you move and do this on your own with an abusive partner when you have two littles and you have no money and maybe there's some financial abuse here? We don't know the context, but OP does say, I plan on moving in with them while I get a degree and I'll go from there. Good for you.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Thank you, THT sub, for making me realize that I'm not some crazy sensitive person who needs to get a thicker skin.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
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Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I don't know. We'll get to the end and you guys will give me a title. We'll figure it out. But buckle up for some of these. They're going to be good.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
The fabric is so stretchy, and even as someone with bigger boobs, it's so supportive, which I love and need. I also love my Belkinette bra. These are the bras you don't race home to take off. Shop Skims Best Intimates, including the Fits Everybody collection and more at Skims.com and Skim Stores. Don't forget to select podcast and choose two hot takes in the survey afterwards. Thanks, guys.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Okay, you ready for story number three? Because I don't know if I am. I've saved this one for you guys. I saw it like the day it was posted a little bit ago.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
And I was just like, there's no one I can have respond to this except you guys.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I'm worried. Okay, so this one is two months old, coming from Am I the Asshole?
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
It is titled, Am I the Asshole for making my mother-in-law return a gift she bought for my six-year-old on Amazon? To preface, my six, almost seven-year-old daughter has always had a fascination with babies and pregnancy. My mother. Cute. My mother-in-law, who I get along with for the most part, has always spoiled my daughter rotten.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
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Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I want my daughter to have a good relationship with her grandparents, but it gives me pause that it seems they let her do whatever she wants when she's over there visiting them. My daughter recently mentioned she was excited to see her grandmother sometime soon because she's expecting a package mother-in-law ordered for her off of Amazon.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Perfect. Let's dive in. Okay. Up first, this is coming from AITAH, 24 days old, titled, Am I the Asshole? Husband and Mother-in-law are bullying me into being a stay-at-home mom, but I paid for our house. My husband is rich, like makes $50,000 a month rich. Nice. We agreed on three things before our baby was born.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I asked my daughter what she bought her, and my daughter informed me she purchased two fake pregnancy bellies for her to wear. I don't anticipate that they'd ever let her wear these outside of the house, and this is something that would exclusively be for pretend dress-up play at home. But I got pretty upset as I don't believe this is an appropriate gift for a six-year-old at all.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I discussed my concerns with my husband, who promptly reached out to his mother to tell her she needed to return the bellies. Now, mother-in-law is upset because she was just trying to do something nice and thinks we're being harsh. My daughter is also upset as this is a gift she was looking forward to receiving.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I understand that my daughter has a fascination with pregnancy, which for the record, I've always thought was strange and have not encouraged, but I don't think her grandparents should necessarily be promoting this interest.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I have always been vocal about not wanting my daughter to watch YouTube, and I don't allow her to watch it at home much, outside of a few things I have personally watched and decided are age-appropriate.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I believe her grandmother allows her unlimited access to YouTube and my daughter will watch videos where the main character is pregnant, which is what I think stemmed her fascination with pregnancy in the first place.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I've addressed my concerns with them about my daughter having unfettered access to YouTube, but I don't believe my concerns were taken seriously and I'm under the impression they've been dishonest about letting her watch whatever she wants. I'm uncomfortable with them encouraging my six-year-old to pretend she's pregnant.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
But mother-in-law acts like it's no big deal and that I'm a jerk for perceiving it as weird. So am I the asshole?
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Do you still think she's the asshole or now you kind of really because you're like, oh, the boundaries just respect the boundaries.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
To get a realistic belly for your kid? Like, honestly. What if she wants to wear it out to the grocery store? And then you got to deal with that. You got to deal with that.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
This is pregnant bump belly for kids Amazon. They don't make them for kids.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
She alluded to that, said it in so many words. I've always thought it was strange, and I haven't encouraged it.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
And I don't think you need to discourage it. No. But I just think buying a realistic bump for a child, that's just kind of weird. I'm totally down imaginative play, and I recognize kids are going to be curious, but...
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
So you Proctor had a really we talked about something else with sex ed and your high school had a really interesting sex ed class.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I'm going to have to do a poll for all the parents out there. Like, would you would you be OK if our mom bought a realistic belly for Eloise and she wanted to wear it around all the time?
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214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Yeah. Well, and I mean, there's so many ways you can explain everything to your kid. There's a song I saw where it's like, some kids have mommies and daddies and some kids have mommies and mommies. And it was in the sound of the Addams Family, I think. Oh, yeah. So there's so many different ways you can explain it. You know, fascination aside, I'm not a psychologist, a kid psychologist. I'd love...
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214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Yeah, let's hear them weigh in on this. We're going to see in the comments from OP if it was truly like a pillow-looking pretend pregnancy or a hyper-realistic one. Maybe it changes it for some people. But I would love for a psychologist to chime in like, hey, is this normal? Regardless of like...
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
pregnant it's cool to pretend or not right i think bottom line like no you're not the asshole op like how you want to raise your kids is your prerogative if you want to set that boundary and say i don't want my daughter to play with that i think that's within your right as a parent i don't think you're the asshole for asking your mother-in-law to return it yeah i don't think you're the asshole for asking her to return it those are your boundaries they're your boundaries i just think that it's
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
One, if I covered the 20% down payment on our house, he'd cover the monthly expenses, including child care. Two, if I leave my high paying job after my maternity leave was up, my husband would support me, focusing on building my consulting business, which would give me more flexibility with our baby. And three, we'd get a full time nanny so we could both work.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
weird that you yeah yeah you think it's weird she thinks it's weird yeah okay yeah overall vote on this one let's hear it what do you think overall vote is no i would guess that people are saying not the asshole because you're the mom and that's the whole deal but um yeah overall vote not the asshole top comment your mother-in-law is weird for ordering pregnancy bellies for your elementary schooler to wear that's going a bit too far
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
However, I was that kid who had a phase where I was obsessed with pregnancy and childbirth and breastfeeding. My brother was born when I was five, just old enough for my mind to be blown by the process of making a small human. See, I'm a perfectly well-adjusted adult today, although I honestly do wonder if I should have gone into midwifery as a career, lol.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Yeah. So to each their own. This person does go on to say there is a way to engage your child's curiosity in a healthy way. Treat it like any other topic of science or biology. Get her some age appropriate books about it. Make sure she knows how pregnancy happens and that it's only a thing grownups do.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
It's fine to let her indulge her curiosity in learning about it and pretend play is a totally normal part of learning for a kid her age. But she can stick to putting a pillow up her shirt, not an actual pregnancy belly. There's a line between learning through play and whatever your mother-in-law is doing.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I think it would depend if it's truly a pillow looking thing because that to me doesn't... It's a pillow with straps, like overalls basically. Yeah. I'm envisioning a hyper realistic belly and like a silicone. Yeah. With a belly button. Yeah. Everything. That's what I'm envisioning. I don't know.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I don't know if a psychologist would chime in and say, yeah, like you could be conditioning her in a way or I don't know, like inappropriately positioned. I don't know. I don't, I don't know. I just would, I would love from a psychology standpoint to be like, what is the line of like healthy or like, no, that's going too far. And you're removing the innocence of play and imagination.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
And now you're doing something else.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
So I'm envisioning the one that like when you wear it, it's a full silicone sleeve. And if you put it on with clothes like you genuinely could look pregnant to some people like the hyper realistic ones they put in movies. That's what I was envisioning.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
And while I'd work from home to get to see the baby, and outside nanny hours we'd split childcare 50-50. The issue came up when now my husband refuses to lift a finger because he's the provider. He won't do any overnights, even though the baby takes bottles. I am exhausted and burnt out and feel like I got bait and switched.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Yeah. No, they make them like hyper realistic, whether it's for movies or, you know, people to use in costumes, props, maybe, maybe you have a surrogate and you still want to experience what it might be like to have a belly. Like, I think they make them for a variety of reasons, but that's what I was envisioning. I'm like, why are you giving a kid? A hyper-realistic belly.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Like, what if she brought that home and then wanted to wear it out? And it's like one of those things that you have to then fight your six-year-old over. Like, no, you can't wear your pregnant belly to school. Like, that would be a nightmare. And then you let her wear it to the grocery store to appease her because you can't stop her screaming.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
And then you go to the grocery store and people think your six-year-old is pregnant. That's permissive. Nope. It could be a nightmare. Okay.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
We only have a couple comments from OP. Someone asked, is this a special size pregnancy belly that is meant to fit a six-year-old child? Does such a thing exist? And OP goes, I wondered the same. I assumed she found a small one meant for an adult that will probably be oversized for a six-year-old. I'm hoping they don't manufacture child-sized fake bellies.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I won't be finding out since we instructed her to send them back.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
No, they don't exist per my Google search. Yeah. But moving along. All right. Moving along. There will be a poll for this one. I'm so curious if you guys would have a problem with your in-laws buying your kids a fake belly. But I think Matt did come. You've changed your tune. Change your tune a little bit. If it's hyper realistic. No. No.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Yeah. Heath Ledger. I love that movie.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
That is crazy. The boobs aren't floppy. They're pretty perky. I mean, they're out there.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I don't know. Yeah, they look good. They look good. They're pretty positioned.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I try to talk to him and he blew up at me, calling me a princess and lazy. I guess he ran to his mom because I got a message the next morning saying I'm putting the family in financial crisis if I won't be a stay-at-home mom for at least the next couple of months. Am I the asshole for telling them no, I will not be forced into being a stay-at-home mom?
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Poor Morgan. Keeping it all in, guys.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I need to watch that movie. So good. You should watch that. This weekend. I know. Just so good. So talented. Gone before his time. Yeah. Sad. Very. Very sad. Moving along to story number four. Okay. Trigger warning on this next one, you guys. It does contain pretty serious talks of eating disorders and weight shaming issues. So please skip if you can't handle that today. Thank you.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
This is a little vintage. This is five years old now. Oh. It is coming from Am I the Asshole? Entitled, Am I the Asshole for discouraging my wife from getting a sexy photo shoot? Maybe.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
There you go. My 29 male wife, 29 female, follows a local photographer on Facebook. This photographer specializes in taking boudoir photos, tasteful pictures of women not wearing much, but some lingerie or a single article of clothing, such as just a t-shirt. My wife had previously mentioned that she might be interested in something like this.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
When I asked why, she said, quote, I thought you would like the pictures. Anyways, the photographer is doing a session of boudoir photo shoots in a few months, and my wife excitedly asked me if I cared if she signed up. The fee is $250, which includes hair, makeup, and printed photos along with the photo shoot.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
That's a really good deal. That's a good deal. Go do it. Sign up. Now this is where I'm going to sound like a jerk. My wife has had major self-esteem issues and disordered eating habits stemming from her self-esteem issues.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I'm afraid if she spends all this money to get pictures done, she's going to be really upset when they don't look like some of the other girls' photos this photographer has on her Facebook page. and it's going to bring up all those self-esteem issues again. My wife had our son a few years ago, so her stomach isn't as toned as it used to be.
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214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
She's still hanging on to a bit of extra weight from having our baby. I wouldn't call her fat or anything, but she's definitely going to be disappointed if she spends all this money on what she thinks is going to be amazing pictures. I told her that the pictures on the photographer's Facebook page were probably of women who hadn't had kids yet. She got upset and told me that was mean.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I told her maybe if she considered toning up a bit, she would enjoy the photo shoot more.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Wow. Then would be more happy with the end results. She's been distant since I said that. No shit, Sherlock. I'm not trying to be a dick, but we have a joint banking account. That money is my money too. And I don't want her to spend it on something she's not going to like that could potentially cause her to spiral back into disordered eating.
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214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Am I the asshole for discouraging my wife from paying for these? Yes. Yes, you are.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
You are the asshole. The thing that's going to send her back into disordered eating is you, you fucking pig.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
You should consider toning up and then you'll like the pictures. You just implied she's got a problem. You might as well have called her... Disgusting.
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214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Yeah. I honestly feel like that is kind of the goal of these shoots to make people feel as comfortable and sexy in their skin as they can. Like they know how to position. They know how to pose a arched back on a bench with, I don't know, whatever they wear. Like they make these photos so good that even if you don't feel a hundred percent secure in your own skin, which newsflash asshole, no,
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214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
No one does. No one feels 100%. At least no one I know. If you're out there, please correct me. I'd love to hear how and share your tips. But a lot of people don't feel confident or I don't know, like perfectly comfortable every and every day. And oh, I'm just so flabbergasted and frustrated. So it's like this photo could have been that for her.
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This could have been a way for her to like have that hot, sexy moment after having a kid. And you just told her she's not good enough for it.
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Thick thighs save lives. I've been saying in the past couple episodes, it keeps coming up.
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No, but it does feel... It feels intimate. Yeah.
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Yeah, it's an intimate thing. Because a lot of people give these photo books to, like, their... husband on their wedding day like some people do this as a very intimate personal gift so yeah I'm like I'm on Facebook or not Facebook Google looking at these pictures and a lot of them are super intimate people do them like as couples like when the wife or whoever is pregnant also
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This absolutely was a bait and switch. She was bamboozled. Yes.
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There's a lot of guys on here doing these shoots. And I love that. I think if you're getting married, you're a guy, do a shoot and give it to your partner. Like these are really hot. These are really hot. This one I'm obsessed with. I want to recreate this one. There's like a person here. Where'd it go?
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There's a person here standing like totally lit from the front, like sun blasting through a window veil on. And you see like ass. That's beautiful. Looks great. Not everybody is as nice as me. But it was not that.
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I would have preferred that were the problem.
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Yeah. So I think that's probably what her thing was too. Top comment on this one. They quote OP, my wife has had major self-esteem issues and disordered eating habits stemming from her self-esteem issues. And they go, kudos to her for breaking out of that shell and building the confidence to go through the photo shoot.
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And then they quote OP, I told her maybe if she considered toning up a bit, she would enjoy the photo shoot more, then would be more happy with the end results. She's been distant since I said that.
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they go you don't say you're the asshole yep someone replies because the person put you're the asshole massive like sized font i've actually i don't know if i've ever seen it that big on reddit and they go i completely agree with a gigantic font you're the asshole next person Max let Stalker out, the bigger the better. She wants to get them done. She has self-esteem issues.
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It's OP's job to gush over them and tell her how much he loves them and how good she looks, unless he's just so shallow of a human that it would involve lying through his teeth.
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That's what the stories were. Someone commented here, you're the asshole. You are personally going to give her an eating disorder again with your attitude, right? Embrace it and tell her how sexy she will look and mean it. The photographers who specialize in boudoir photo shoots know how to make a woman look amazing and how to pose them in the most flattering way.
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Plus, my understanding of these shoots is that the woman with six packs abs don't do them because it's not the point for that. Next one, you're the asshole. Your wife wants to take these pics for her. She knows what her body looks like. She lives in it.
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Yeah. We do have an edit from OP. Okay. Edit. She's currently probably around 5'1", feet tall, 107 pounds.
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So, not overweight, but I think it would be worth it for her to start eating better and working out more before getting these pictures taken.
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Edit number two. Wow. Okay. I didn't expect to get this much hate.
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First of all, it's OUR money. All caps. I wouldn't spend $250 on something without consulting her. And if she had any doubts, I'd listen to her. Second, I was never harsh or mean. We pride ourselves on having a very honest relationship. What I said was honest. She's got some extra meat on her from having a baby. I never said I thought she was unattractive because of it.
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I mean, do you guys feel like this could be about control, too? Like, I can't even put my mind in this headspace where it's like, it feels beneath you to do something in regards to your own child. But I feel like sometimes you see in relationships, it's a control thing. I don't want her working. I want her at home. I want her where I know she's going to be like, I don't know.
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I would hate for her to be so excited about these photos, only to hate them. Third, yes, I know her height and weight. I go to many of her appointments with her. The stats I gave were from her most recent checkup in August. Fourth, we've been together 10 years. Prior to getting pregnant, she was around 95 pounds and was healthy, not starving herself.
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This was her post-eating disorder weight, I believe. So I'm not being a bully by telling her maybe she wants to wait until she loses some of that weight.
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Also, 107 pounds is like... I'm not a dietitian. I don't know. Whatever. But I'm like, that is...
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Edit number three. Okay, so I guess majority wins and I'm the asshole. For the record, I never told her she has to lose weight. I told her the photos might look more what she wants to if she does. Okay. Tomato, tomato, bitch. Also, I used to be very muscular six-packs abs when we first started dating. I'm admittedly slightly softer now than I was back then.
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Still muscular, invisible abs, just not as cut as I was in my early 20s. If someone took professional photos of me bearing it all, I would probably be unsatisfied with them and start being harder on myself. That's just the way I feel. This whole thing is about him. Sounds like he has some self-esteem issues that he needs to work on.
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I was just trying to save her from embarrassment and self-consciousness after seeing the photos because she isn't a skinny-toned 21-year-old anymore. That's all. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get it. He really doesn't get it because he gives another update after this. Oh, God.
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I'm scared. Update. I thought about what you guys all said and realized I needed to talk to my wife and explain myself. No.
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I'm so scared. I don't even want to read the rest of this.
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I sat her down and said she should get the pictures taken. She said, no, that's okay. You're right. It was a bad idea. I told her I think she's perfect and I just want her to see herself that way too and was afraid she was going to be overcritical of herself when she saw the pictures. She agreed that she probably would be. And right now she's not as confident because her words, not mine.
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She isn't as thin as she used to be. She said she wants to lose some weight before she gets the pictures taken and she will hold off scheduling until she gets into a gym routine. I told her I will support her no matter what she decides to do. And yes, I told her I'm an asshole and I need to think before I speak.
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I'm hoping I didn't trigger her old bad eating habits, but I guess that's a post for a different sub.
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I do too. Same. Just absolute bullshit. We never got an update. He has a lot of other comments here just basically being like she's not underweight. She was healthy at 95 pounds, though. Maybe according to BMI, she's underweight, but she was eating healthy and working out. Her doctor was never concerned. But I don't know. This one is like absolutely atrocious to me.
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Like, have you guys ever encountered that? Like with friends or people, you know, where there's like a control aspect or like, I'm trying to rationalize this. And I just, I don't understand because $50,000 a month is what some people make in a year, right? So the math isn't mathing for me. I'm like, what other explanation is there?
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And I think if there's anyone out there that's making these comments to you, you need to run. Run. Like, if he wouldn't have said anything, she would have gotten that shoot done and probably felt great. And now she's back on this. I need to lose weight.
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No. No matter what you do. No matter what.
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Here we go. So this one is coming from Am I the Asshole? It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Walking Out of the Hospital After Hearing My Wife's Diagnosis? I, 33, got a call from the ER on Friday saying that my wife, 32, drove herself there because of searing pelvic pain. I'm on a business trip until Saturday, but I drive back in time to be there Saturday morning before she woke up.
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A while after she wakes up, the doctor comes in. My wife says to stay with her, so I say okay. He takes a deep breath and said that from the transvaginal ultrasound and CT scan results, she has ovarian cancer. My wife starts sobbing, but at first I stay still because I don't even know what to make of it.
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My wife asks what that means for her and he says that she'll likely at least need a full hysterectomy and they'd have to remove the fallopian tubes as well as the ovaries. That news jolted me from my chair because the doctor was effectively telling me that she wouldn't be able to have kids after this. And after years of work, I thought we'd finally have a family.
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I'm overwhelmed with emotions of anger, not just anger at the disease, but pent up anger from the fact that I had begged her to have kids since we were 26, but she refused for her career. And now, instead of becoming a real family, I didn't even know if she would remain the woman that I married.
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Whether the last picture of us together would be the last time I'd remember her looking beautiful, young, and carefree. Because the wife that was in front of me was already a different person. My wife started to grab my hand and say, we'll fight this and we'll adopt. But I shook my head and turned to walk out the door.
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I still had my suitcase in the car, so I drove to a hotel because I didn't know if my wife was going to end up being discharged or what. At the hotel, I was at least able to get out of a reactive mode, but I was still so disappointed that our dream of a family was over.
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I was finally able to get a grasp on all of my emotions and feel more like my normal self in that I knew exactly what I felt about every aspect and how I would react to it from here on out. I get a call from my mother-in-law saying that if I was at a hotel or wherever else, I should just stay there. Am I the asshole for walking out?
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I admit it was done on impulse, but this diagnosis just sliced my life and my wife's life wide open. I wasn't going to expel the cancer if I stayed that night, but I did at least make myself aware of my situation. And I feel I have a right to be angry that my hope of biological kids, the only kind I ever wanted, is rapidly fading away.
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Yeah. I mean, I think that's like, what's crazy too. It's like, he's like, well, I begged her and it's like, yeah, you did, but you still then chose to stay and like sign on and wait. If you wanted kids at 26, you had the option to divorce her and find someone who did want to have kids young and immediately and not focus on a career. Like that was a possibility for you, sir. It is true.
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And something I was curious about is can you potentially freeze eggs? Yeah. could they pursue other options to still have genetically their two of them kids?
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Non-branded. No free promo, right? No free feet pics. We know the drill.
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I'm like, I know. I'm sorry. I distracted her. I was holding it to... for sound quality friends. But yeah, completely agree. It's like you are not guaranteed anything in this life except death and taxes. That's it.
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I always say that. And so it's like you could be faced with that. I had a friend from high school. He got testicular cancer right after we graduated, it seemed like. He was like 20, 21. And he was able to freeze stuff. You can potentially freeze your eggs with ovarian cancer. But yes, it's crucial to discuss this with both your oncologist and a reproductive endocrinologist because of the hormones.
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I think it depends, isn't it? Totally depends case by case. How serious is your cancer? Is it an immediate? We got to get this out now. And the hormones are a serious business. I've got friends going through the egg retrieval process right now, and it's a big deal. It can take a lot of time.
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So when you have a cancer where time is of the essence, you might not have that luxury, but he didn't stay to hear any of that. No, he doesn't know what's going on. And he abandoned someone. He supposedly took vows to stand next to, to love, to have, to hold, to cherish. And I think honestly with people, like if you can't sign up for that, why are you getting married?
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Like, do you love this person? Like, what are you doing? Put your own shit aside. I get you're scared, your feelings, you can have them later. But right now you need to buck up and be there. And what you did was shitty.
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Top comment as of this point because the very top has since been deleted. You're the asshole. All your wife seems to be is an incubator. You have no regards for her feelings and abandon her at the worst moment. You're the asshole. You're the asshole. You're the asshole. The top comment was removed by the moderator for whatever reason. It did have 53 K upvotes at the time.
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I feel like it based on the comment after had something to do with like, you should go back, grovel, apologize. You're the asshole. Something along those lines, right? Because the next comment down says he should not go back. Cancer patients have a better success rate and recovery if they are surrounded by positive influences around them.
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My mother had that operation and it took years to heal internally. This high stress situation revealed his true character. And I honestly see no coming back from this. What's there to excuse? Sorry that you ruined my hopes of a real child because you got cancer. I feel less attracted to you because your oven is being ripped out and we can't get a bun in anymore.
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not the positive influence Opie's wife needs. And I doubt he has anything more to offer her than seeing her as a baby maker.
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Really trying to look on the bright side here, buddy.
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All right. I kind of want to hit him with a baby snowmobile. We got one in the back. I know. Just want to put his face under the tracks. I'm just kidding. Violence is never the answer. This next one involves a little domestic labor. I like that. It is our favorite. It's coming from Am I the Asshole? And it's titled, Am I the Asshole for requesting that my wife stop asking me to help with dinner?
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Hello, Reddit. It's me, a throwaway, so she has a harder time finding this post. I am 35 male. My wife, Glenda, is 34 female. We do not have any children. I work from home, so I'm usually on dinner duty. It just makes logical sense because I can defrost and prep while she comes home and we can eat early so we can sleep early. The job I had in college meant I was cooking twice a day
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So I'm a pretty good short order cook. My dinners are not usually elaborate, but they feed us healthily. My wife has never been big on chefing, so that task leans on me, which is fine. She's good at other things. Here's the conflict. When she does cook, she constantly asks me questions.
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She'll shout from the other room that she needs my help and it's questions about how much salt to use or whether X or Y is done yet. So I'm just never off duty for cooking. I can never take a mental break. Her argument is, one, cooking makes her anxious, and also, two, that I'm just better at cooking, so I really do know better.
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And I find it hard to argue with those points, but I just want a mental break some nights. This empathetic and direct discussion happened last night, and she is mad. I don't want her to be mad, but I also don't want to be dinner guy until we die. Am I the asshole?
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I hate cooking. This would be exhausting.
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honestly very career driven like wanting to start her own consulting business you don't do that unless you're kind of career driven or have a certain skill set like that's not an easy thing to do here's what fucked me up a little bit though in this the mother-in-law came back one okay mama's boy why you'd involve your mother in this marital problem don't do it don't do it Rookie move.
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Yeah. It is stressful getting people stuff because you don't know if you're going to get a picky eater and then they're like, I don't want it. I'm not eating it. Whatever.
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This would drive me a little bonkers.
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Which is the case that's what I want to know that's what I want to know I'm like okay it's it can be like if they have a closed off kitchen and the rest of the house is kind of far does she want company in there while she's cooking and then she's trying to get him to come into that like what is this really about because if it's not company or like she doesn't like you know being bored in there by herself like.
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It is weaponizing competence because, and this might be my hot take of the day, I don't know. If roles were reversed and you had a woman writing into Reddit saying, I cook about every meal and my husband has to cook one meal, but every time he cooks that one meal, he brings me in to ask for help and all this stuff. People would be being like, not the asshole, weaponized incompetence.
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I feel like they would be very quick to say that. But there's some comments on a lot of this post being like, have you taught her how to cook? Have you?
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here's a you not even here's a youtube video go just give it a try yeah i mean people are being like this is how he usually feels to be a woman congrats bud but that still doesn't make it like yeah okay that's kind of misogynistic commenter but it also it's like it this is their relationship dynamic this is how it's established he cooks she gets one meal
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All you have to be is like, Hey babe, it doesn't have to be perfect. Just cook. It's no different than like you sending your partner to the grocery store and you have to make them a list and you have to make them a list with pictures and you still make them a list and they call you and say, Hey, what chips do we get? I don't know. Probably the ones we've bought for the past four years.
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Same chips, baked lays. That's what they are. Why are you calling and asking me? You know it's weaponized incompetence. If you want to talk to me on the phone while you're grocery shopping, just say so. Right. If you want me in the kitchen when you're cooking, just tell me. I'll bring a glass of wine. It's cool.
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But don't pretend like you're bad and then I have to do the mental labor of basically cooking. I don't think it's fair. I don't think you're the asshole.
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He's out there on the Blackstone every time I come to town making that chicken stir fry. I know, you're guests. This episode theme has turned into family. The family is fighting. That's the vibe of this whole episode. Family is fighting. Top comment on this one. Not the asshole. A 34-year-old woman can learn how to cook.
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If she wants to know how much salt to use, she should add the amount she feels is appropriate. And if it comes out bad, she'll have an idea of what way to adjust it for the next time. Most cooking is learned through trial and error. Yep. Overall vote? What do you think? Not the asshole.
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It was actually asshole. What? I'm just kidding. Okay. Overall vote is not the asshole.
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Not the asshole. Moving on to our very last story. All right, here we go. I'm going to give you a vote. You can either vote or we can let the coin decide. Choice number one, am I the asshole for being in the delivery room while my sister gave birth? Or option two, I don't know if I should change or keep the baby name after finding husband's affair.
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Moment. So this is coming from r slash dusty thunder. It's only one day old. All right.
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Am I the asshole for being in the delivery room while my sister gave birth? I don't think I am, but my girlfriend thinks otherwise. For some context, I am 27 male, my girlfriend is 26, and my sister is 30. About two days ago, my sister called me and told me her water broke, so I left work and took her to the hospital. I told my girlfriend and she met us there.
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My sister asked me to be in there with her because her husband is deployed and she didn't want to be in there alone. I obliged and was in there the whole time, with her and she gave birth to a healthy baby girl. My girlfriend thinks it was weird and incestuous that I was with her while she was in such a vulnerable state.
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I didn't think it was and we've been arguing about it for the past two days and I'm getting tired of it. I think she wanted my sister to ask her instead of me, but we haven't been dating long enough for my sister to feel comfortable while she was in that state. I keep asking her what the real reason she was upset about and she won't tell me. The situation sucks because my sister loves her.
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and wants her to be included in everything. So I don't know where this all came from. I told her that she needs therapy, and very soon. She is an only child, so I don't think she understands the bond of siblings. Am I the asshole?
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Oh, because how many like there's certain generations that do believe that where they will mom shame and a mom working. I can't I just I can't believe your generation is doing that. Leaving your baby. I could never leave my baby. You're going to let someone else raise your child. How many people have probably heard that?
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Yeah, you had, your second one was a little dicey there, Amy.
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odd that's intimate I mean when I first heard the title I was like you're going in with your sister right okay but like a brother supporting a sister yeah while she is giving birth but then you get the context then you get the context has been deployed that's a huge deal
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Yeah, absolutely. I mean, some people nowadays will have their dad in the delivery room with them. I mean, I think you can keep it, you know, you stay up by the head, you hold my hand, you encourage me through breathing. It's not, you're not seeing anything. And as you said, Matt, like birth is not sexual. It's not. It's a miracle of life. Miracle. Miracle.
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um but it's just like this beautiful amazing thing i just southern accent comes out of me sometimes i just kind of like the miracle miracle and diabetes y'all diabetes when i go down south y'all y'all comes out it's a good it's a good one top comment on this one you are not the asshole your sister needed you and you were there for her giving birth is not sexual Next comment down. Yes.
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Next comment down. Girlfriend is gross.
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I mean, your new girlfriend, what makes you think you'd ever be invited into the room?
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It's weird. That's weird. That's weird. That's a weird thought to think it should be you. You're thinking too highly of yourself in that regard. I do want to say, I was going to say like, obviously like birth is not sexual at all.
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But there's a rumor I see on TikTok all the time that like King Louie actually kind of like had the shift of women going from like leaning on a chair or more like on their hands and knees to a supine laying in bed position.
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feet and stirrups position because he liked watching his wives and mistresses like give birth and that popped into my head so I had to google it I was like do women lie on their backs during birth because of King Louis like just what's the reason just to make sure because there are other probably more effective methods
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So he did have a preference for observing deliveries while women were lying on their backs. And it did influence the shift to supine position for childbirth. But it's not the sole reason. Other factors like medicalization, the use of interventions, and the desire for better fetal monitoring also played a role.
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Where did you learn that? It was on TikTok for a while. Hmm. My algorithm's weird.
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I, 26 female, don't know if I should change or keep the baby name after finding husband's 29 male affair. I'm not exactly sure if this falls in line with relationship advice or not, but I don't know of very many subreddits, so apologies if this is out of left field. I'm expecting my second baby this summer, and I had a name I absolutely loved picked out.
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It's been a name I've had on my mind before even having my first child, who is three now. We even had a perfect middle name to go with it. My toddler even calls the baby the name while talking to my belly. Now I've recently found explicit messages between my husband and a co-worker of his, and this has made my life completely implode.
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For starters, I don't know if I will even be staying with my husband, despite them both claiming it was never physical and that he has no love for her. The issue is that her name happens to be the same name I've been wanting to name my daughter.
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I've had no other name in my mind because to me, I found the name perfect. So do I have this name stolen from me like so much in my life right now from my possible only daughter? Or do I keep it? I tell myself to be strong and that this was her name before their affair even started and to not let it be taken away.
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But on the other hand, will I regret it and only be triggered of the whole thing from now on?
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I wouldn't be able to do it because I think no matter how you end up, like whether you – Get past this emotional affair and stay with your husband. It's a reminder. If you divorce, it's a reminder of what you lost and you could resent it. Like it's just find a new name. There's so many beautiful names out there. Don't do this to yourself.
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You just go to the courts and you change the name. Really? Yeah, file a name change. It's a lot of paperwork. Yeah. Something I have to do.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I have friends that will exchange a foot pic or two and get a free dinner or a shopping spree in hundreds of dollars. Their going rate is pretty good.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
What about Claude? Do you know any Claudes?
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I love the name Claude. I also love the name Frances, and I'm so sad it's on my baby name list. And Lauren just named her Fish Frances, and now I can't use it. I'm like, what would I tell my kid? Oh, yeah, Frances, we named you after Auntie Lolo's fish.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I mean, the fish will be dead by the time.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Yeah, but the thing is, they're already paying for a nanny. No, 100%. All the reasons have been about the money. No mention of the baby. I was going to say, did they? No shame. Stay home for the baby. It's all been about the money. But the thing is, they're already paying for a nanny. She's just planning on working from home to be there a little bit more for the baby.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I mean, I love, love, love the name Elizabeth. And in high school, I had a friend named Elizabeth. We called her Betsy. Her name, she went by Betsy. But then, and Elizabeth was also my high school bully. So ruined it. I love that name, but I would never be able to name my kid that because it would, it honestly would remind me of
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Being traumatized. So I would not be able to do that. I think there's so many other beautiful names. And while you might not have considered anything else, now you gotta. You gotta. I think the majority of people would be like, you gotta.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Get back to the drawing board. Yeah. And the top comment does say that. Top comment is, I'd change it. If it's already on your mind, it will always be on your mind. Next comment down. Yep. She is already asking this question on Reddit. Just change it. One less shit to hunt your brain with. Okay. Yeah, Cloud Builder 44. One less shit to haunt your brain with is probably what you meant.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
But you said hunt. Plus, F that B. You don't want her saying you named your baby after her if she ends up with your husband.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Oh, a delusional one would. Oh, yeah.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
She was so obsessed with me. He loved me. And she, oh, he didn't love her. And she's so obsessed. She even named her baby after me.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Comment goes on to say, thank God you found out before the baby was born. Now take your time and find the actual perfect name. Best of luck to you and congrats on your baby.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I love the name Claude. Also on my baby list.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Random. There are a couple comments from Opie. What do they plan on doing? A lot of people are like, there's a comment here that says, one, it was physical. Two, leave the husband. Three, change the name. Four, live your best life. Next comment down. Five, when your kids ask for a rodent, use the name then. Next comment down. Or a snake. Next comment, I'd name the snake after my ex-husband.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Next comment, don't insult the snake. But we do have some comments from OP. When we talked about the fact that a fair partner has the name we were planning on using for our daughter, he said he never associated them together. That when he hears the name, it wasn't something that made him think of a particular person in a given moment.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
But it's like, you're already paying for a nanny right now. Right. If you can't afford a nanny, why do you have one right now? Right. So wouldn't you be able to afford a nanny more so when she goes back to work? Right. Again, to me, it's really screaming financial abuse, especially because it's like, oh, yeah, put all your money down.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
That it was more coincidental and only happened because she made him feel wanted when he felt so distant from me. Bruh. That's what OP said. Bruh.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Unfortunately, we bought a house together, so we're staying there but in separate rooms. I've gathered support as well through my family and therapy. It's only been a few days, but try not to drown. So support is a big thing for me right now. He's definitely cutting her out of the picture ASAP while quitting his job is almost impossible to say the least.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Not working in the same department is already something being looked into. I told him if and big if I even am going to stay, there's no way in hell I can if they're still working together.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Yeah. I told him I don't care if he says it wasn't physical, that I want him to get tested. I'll likely get it done myself. Yes, you should. I've started looking at alternatives and seeing how my toddler reacts. Nothing has felt quite the same. I've almost felt like I've been mourning the name, but know I need to get over the grief before I can truly decide. I appreciate your comment.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
My toddler already has my last name. I never changed mine in the first place. Always knew I'd keep mine regardless of who I ended up with. Yeah.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I do think this is so badass of her. There's a comment here that goes, we had the name picked long before meeting or even knowing a fair partner. And she is most definitely a horrible person that knew he was married with a second baby on the way. I confronted her in person the morning after finding out just to get some questions answered and for her to see the person she helped in hurting.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
She said it was never physical, only started a little while ago, and that it was on random occasions that they just text. Again, can't take his or her word for it, but that's what info I was given. There's almost things in motion to get him out of the same work environment. Good news all around. Badass is with it. If I stay big, if get tested, I have my last name.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I loved my last name too much to ever let a guy think he could change that. That's one comment. So I think she's going to be okay and will...
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Yeah, this is great. Hanging out. Where can everyone find you? How can they listen to your podcast?
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
It'll be linked in the description, you guys. Don't worry. You'll find them. But thank you guys so much for coming on. I think, what title comes to mind for you when we think about all the stories we now encountered today?
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
You put 20% down on the house and then stay home and stop working.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
But we had the woman who couldn't cook. Eh. Yeah.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Does it affect... Do you take it personal when people say all men suck? No. Okay. Would you be offended if the title was putting the Y in XY?
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
That's what it's giving for me. The more I think about it and it's like there's no mention of prenup, but like probably wouldn't be mentioned in this post because she's not thinking divorce. But it's like. Is there a prenup? And what state are they in?
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I'm so sorry. And go over to Midwest Married and tell them what you think. Yes.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Someone like, I think Katy Perry almost lost an eye or almost like she got really sprayed in the face. I bet she did. No. Just kidding. Just kidding. But didn't you see the video?
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I'll show you the gif. We're good.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Oh, wow. She like really, and it was high velocity. That's very high velocity. I think she did say she almost like lost an eye from the slime. I hope that was non-toxic. Top comment on this one. If he makes 50K a month and you working puts the family in financial crisis, there's a giant line of bullshit. Is it mom or husband lying? Maybe he's lost money gambling or doesn't make that much money.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Or maybe he lied to mom and she's lying to you.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
But Opie does reply. Opie says our expenses are quite high to be fair. House payments are about 14 K full-time nanny house cleaners once a week and various expenses like a million baby showers and weddings and birthdays. And we try to be generous. We also had to furnish the house, which my husband mostly paid for.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I know I come off super privileged and we are super privileged, which is why I'm not sure if I'm being super entitled, but I pay hundreds of thousands for our house that I worked hard and saved for. I wanted a life of balance between work and family and thought I paid my fair share for it.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
This probably comes off super tone deaf like, oh, poor you and your expensive house with your childcare and housecleaning. But I'd trade it for a smaller house. We balance our chores together and freedom to work on my career and family.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
I feel like she can do that now. Right. If she's not with a weird controlling partner. Hmm.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
that he's not saying i think so too so someone does reply to that comment though and they go it doesn't really matter how much money or materialistic stuff you have your husband is not a safe trustful partner he is a man that has shown you he is not a safe partner the money and stuff only matters if you are willing to stay with him because money and materialistic mean more to you than a safe partner and involved father
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
It's better than selling your underwear. Yes. People sell their underwear for a lot too. I wouldn't do that. You know what they also sell?
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
OP responds. I think I really needed to hear this validation. Thank you. I told mother-in-law the insults he has said worse than I listed here. And she told me effectively I needed to do better and that he's just stressed and I need to take more off his plate. That I have it so easy and he works so hard to provide for us. So why am I making his life harder?
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Of course he'll get angry with me if I take, take, take. And he has the burden of the family on his shoulders. And I am still here asking for more.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
So we do have a little bit of an edit from Opie. I hope this is clear. We do have a nanny. I've mentioned this in several comments. However, I am covering all of the hours outside of the nanny, plus emotional and mental load of parenting. Given the sleepless nights, I have to use the nanny time to recuperate when I hope to use it to start my business, as we talked about. Edit number two.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
You know the little flippity flops you get when you go get a pedicure and you accidentally wear sneakers? The little like flat ones basically? The cheap? Yeah. Yeah, people pay money for those too. Well, they can have, I'll wear those all day long. You can sell those.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
While my job paid well, it would not cover enough of our monthly expenses and it was very demanding, meaning we'd have to hire much more childcare or husband would have to do much more childcare if I were to go back. He believes that puts his business, which pays our monthlies, in jeopardy. That's why it would create a financial crisis, both if I started a business and if I went back to work.
Two Hot Takes
214: The Families are Fighting! Ft. Midwest Married
Because his business pays the monthlies, his ability to work at his best must be prioritized and protected. But my career is optional. This is upsetting to me because in my view, I paid up front, but still am stuck with 100% of the off hours childcare and not allowed to ask for help.
Very Scary People
Ep.2: The Root of Evil
Mein Vater hat leider keine großartigen Entscheidungen mit Geld gemacht. Er war immer so, Tom was a little frivolous. Apparently he bought a boat once that had a hole in it and he patched it up and he would take the kids out on this little fishing boat. I also know that Tom, he was really into guns.
Very Scary People
Ep.2: The Root of Evil
That's when the other kids were, you know, riding bikes. Doing the higher level education kind of thing. You know, we were sent to a drama club and Dinge wie Musik und Dinge, die dein Gehirn übertragen. All die Verantwortung, die Lenore zu Beginn auf Tom gelegt hat, hat sie auf David gelegt.
Very Scary People
Ep.2: The Root of Evil
Und mein Bruder war sehr intelligent, bis er nicht mehr zwei Jahre in der Schule war. David hat auf alle Hoffnungen und Träume von Lenore geliefert.