On today’s episode, we hear about: · A young man wondering if his love for video games is hurting his relationships · A husband unsure if he can trust his wife again after her affair · A man struggling to overcome a pattern of overthinking and fear Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼The Dr. John Delony Show T-Shirts Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🌿 Get up to 40% off at Cozy Earth with code DELONY. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🥤 Get 20% off at Organifi with code DELONY. 🏔️ Use code DELONY at Poncho Outdoors. Listen to More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: Are video games harming my relationships?
I appreciate it. Hey, bad news. There's only like 28 of y'all, so you're in the first half. You're in the first half, which is kind of cool. That's exciting. Yeah, I'll take it. And I'm nervous, too, so we can be nervous together. We won't lose one another. How about that?
So what's up? That sounds good. My question, in essence, is what role or impact can video games play on a relationship, especially one with kids, and how can we strike a balance? I have a little bit of a blurb of kind of my background. Yeah, go for it.
Read it out.
Sure. Okay. So growing up, video games had a big impact on my life. It gave me and my brother something to learn together and connect through and eventually compete at with each other and even in online and in-person tournaments. Being twins, we also felt a stronger sense of closeness and also competitiveness, I think, than most other siblings.
I played and currently still play a wide range of games that I feel have given me tremendous value and skills in my life. One example is learning to play the drums without a single formal lesson through the Rock Band video game. I'm not sure if you've heard of that.
Another is the skills I've learned from playing logistics and business-type games that have strengthened my role in my current career path of purchasing. Understanding supply and demand and market trends has allowed me to make hundreds of real dollars in player-driven online gaming markets.
We were both also very involved in other activities growing up, like church twice a week, baseball little league for six years, and Boy Scouts every week from the earliest age you could start at. So I have a really solid appreciation for those types of activities and want to strike a good balance with my new family.
I've been in a new relationship for the last 14 months with two little boys, three years old and 10 months old. Last month, they all moved in with me and my brother and we're spending all of our time together outside of work.
I want to set a good example and not be seen as a partner and father figure on a screen all the time, but I also want to express myself and continue to learn and grow through this media form like I have my whole life and share that with these boys and my girlfriend if they're into it as much as I am. I see them all as great developmental activities. Where can I find balance?
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Chapter 2: How can I balance gaming and parenting?
But Lego piece by Lego piece, brick by brick, concrete poured by rebar, by all of it, we're going to rebuild something, and it's going to be very, very slow. Here's what I'm going to give you. I'm going to send you, but by the way, what I'm going to give you is not going to heal anything. Okay. It's just a tool, right? I'm going to send you all of the questions for humans, couples additions.
I've got one and two. And then the third one just came out. It's brand new. And I'm going to send you the questions for humans, intimacy edition. Okay. It's brand new. Okay. Thank you. And here's what I want you to do. Like as part of the rebuild every night, we're gonna do five of these things. We're just going to go through five of the cards. We're going to write stuff down.
Chapter 3: What should I do after my partner's affair?
We're going to laugh, can be silly, whatever. And it'd probably be worth your time to get a good marriage counselor too, just to walk with you. Although sometimes I'm hearing more and more marriage counselors saying stupid stuff like, well, it just like it's run its course. Like I don't believe in that. I don't believe marriages just run their course. I think people decide to opt out.
And if you opt out, you opt out. But, You want to get somebody that was interested in the rebuild with y'all. Walk through it with you, help you process stuff. And you're going to have stuff that needs to be put on the table. She's going to have more stuff to get put on the table, all that.
But maybe this big moment will allow y'all to rebuild something stronger and arguably more beautiful than what was. Slow and steady. But the first thing out of the deck is you have to say out loud, here's what must be true for me to reestablish trust. And let's go two weeks at a time. because it's going to shift in two weeks.
I don't need to see your text anymore after two weeks, but here's what I really need. I need you to go for a walk with me and just tell me how the day was, up or down. I need you to hold my hand. I need you to be open to it and don't be punitive with that kind of stuff. I've seen people be really just moronic with their trust and stuff. I need you to re-roof the house, just whatever.
But I want you to be honest about what you need and give her permission to be honest about what she needs. Let's rebuild this. Let's rebuild something amazing one step at a time. You know what? Hang on the line, too. I'm going to hook you up with a free live stream. My friend Rachel Cruz and I are doing a money and marriage live stream. I'm going to hook you up with a link.
And for everybody listening, we'll link to it in the show notes here. Actually, it might be over by the time this episode comes out, I think. But we'll get you guys hooked up, Paul. And you and your wife can watch it and tune in with us. Thanks for the call, brother. I wish you guys the best, best, best. We'll be right back.
All right, let's go out to Liberty, Liberty, Liberty, Missouri and talk to Joseph. Hey, Joseph, what's up? Hey, how are you? I'm fantastic, brother. How are you? Oh, you know, I'm doing.
I'm doing. All right, what's up? So I'm going to be 23 next week. I've been married for... almost two and a half years to my wife. We got married, I was 20 and she was 19 when we got married. And I guess I struggle with a lot of fear, anxiety, and just worry constantly. I think my brain is just constantly overthinking everything and it's kind of exhausting.
And I think it takes a toll on my marriage and just by, I'm not able to show up as well as I think I'd like to, just because I'm so in my head that with every decision I'm making, I'm having this insane internal dialogue. Have you messed something up big in your life?
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Chapter 4: How to rebuild trust in a marriage?
What's it protecting you from? Be honest. I don't know. I'll tell you what it's protecting you from. You being quiet and you keeping secrets from your new wife keeps the possibility in your mind that she's going to see all of you, see all of you and know you. And just like your parents find you lacking. And so I'm going to have a secret fantasy life. I'm not going to engage.
I'm not going to say, hey, I miss you. I'm going to just go jerk off and call it. I'm not going to go for a walk and go lift weights and go do these things. I'm just going to try to earn money and try to get status over here, and I'm going to avoid the messy, vulnerable part of, hey, I miss you, and I've never even seen this done right.
The thing, so I've had all these, I feel like I've had these conversations. My struggle is that I feel like Whenever I say my wife and I are not on the same page, it's like I've been trying to get us to go to therapy together. There's this couple that I really appreciate. I told her the other night, I'm trying to get a dinner scheduled with them, and she's very hesitant about it.
But I was like, I really like the way that they love each other, and I want that for us. And what does she say? Sometimes... you know, she says, you know, I'll do the dinner, but I'm not going to promise you anything, you know, like that. I'll, I guess.
So maybe you're on the other side of what I'm saying. Maybe it's already happened. Maybe you've already said, Hey, this is me. And she's like, yeah, I don't want that.
I feel like I've said it many times of, you know, just like here, let's try to figure some things out, but she doesn't want to figure herself out. I mean, I believe that marriage, you have to be curious about each other. And you also have to be curious about yourself. Correct.
I feel like I've been doing a lot of work in the past two years, going to therapy and trying to figure out what's going on with me. Why am I the way that I am? And she doesn't want to go to therapy. And I asked her, I was like, do you feel safe with me? Do you feel like you can tell me the things in your heart? And she's like, yes.
I'm like, I just don't believe that's entirely true because she's just very, she doesn't like, she says she's just not an emotional person. And I don't believe that. I feel like we're all emotional people. I don't think there's not an emotional person. I think, you know, she's just afraid to face the things that are painful.
And so Joseph, Joseph, Joseph, Joseph, please. Do you love her?
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