On today’s episode, we hear about: • A wife struggling to manage her attraction to another man • A girlfriend wondering how to navigate spending time with family during the holidays • A mom seeking advice on how to discipline her son in a loving way Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼The Dr. John Delony Show T-Shirts Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🌿 Get up to 40% off at Cozy Earth with code DELONY. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🥤 Get 20% off at Organifi with code DELONY. 🏔️ Head To Poncho Outdoors To Check Out All Their Styles Listen to More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: How can I manage my attraction to someone else while married?
If you want to be on the show, give me a buzz, 1-844-693-3291, or go to johndeloney.com slash ask, A-S-K. Let's roll out to the Utes, Salt Lake City, and talk to not-so-plain Jane. What's up, Jane?
Hi, Dr. John. Thanks for taking my call. Of course. How are you, love? You doing all right? Hey, doing okay. Just, uh, I need your advice.
I got you. All right. What you got?
Okay. I am trying to stay faithful to my husband.
Whoa. Okay. All right. We'll go there.
I'm attracted to another man.
Okay. Tell me about it.
Which part?
Um, well, those, those are, those are often mutually exclusive and you're, you're, um, you're combining them. So tell me about this person you're attracted to.
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Chapter 6: What does it mean to take ownership of my feelings?
And now he says we just saw my family. And so it feels like I'm being gaslighted into thinking I'm selfish for wanting to spend Christmas with my family this year. So... I guess I'm really struggling with whether I'm being reasonable for asking to spend this holiday with my family or if I'm being made to feel like my needs don't matter.
I don't hear that at all, actually. I think your needs are your needs, and I think even deeper than needs, I think your wants are your wants. And his are his. And it sounds like you made some deals with him and the universe without talking about them out loud. And so it sounds like you cast him in a movie he didn't even know he was in and now you're pissed at him because he doesn't know the lines.
Like you spent a month with his family and in your head you were like, all right, cool, we're going to alternate every year. You just forgot to tell him, right?
Yeah.
Yeah. And so now it's come up and he's like, no, no, no, no. I don't travel during the holidays. I work really hard and I spend time with my family because we're all super close. And my guess is it's probably deep down why you love him. And also you are trying to figure that out for yourself. Is that the world in life that you want? And so statistically speaking, the quote unquote, try it out.
We're just going to live together for six months or a year and see if we're going to work out. It's not a good predictor. In fact, it's an inverse predictor of marital success.
I completely agree with you. And I guess that was one of the wants that I was like, let's not wait to have this conversation on our first date. I told him I want to get married. I want to have kids. These are my goals. I come from this messy family, but this is still something that is my biggest need. And he agreed, but that turns out he feels like the government shouldn't be involved in marriage.
Okay. That's what he says.
But here's what it is. It's not gaslighting. It's not any of these things. It's two people who are dating. And they're putting their values and principles on the table to see if A, they align in any way and B, if they may not be as strongly held as we once thought and we're willing to compromise because we're together, two individual people are building something new together.
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