🇺🇸 Watch United States of Anxiety Exclusively on the Free Ramsey Network App! On today’s episode, we revisit the most epic calls of the year, including: · A girlfriend who found out the man she was dating is married · A husband unsure if his wife is having an emotional affair · A man with unwanted fantasies hindering intimacy with his wife Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼The Dr. John Delony Show T-Shirts Connect With Our Sponsors: 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🌿 Get up to 40% off at Cozy Earth with code DELONY. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🥤 Get 20% off at Organifi with code DELONY. 🏔️ Use code DELONY at Poncho Outdoors. Listen to More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What were the best calls of 2024?
We're running the best of the best calls of 2024. Kelly, you know some of the ones off the top of your HEAD?
First one is, I didn't know my boyfriend was married. They are getting ready to move in together. Uh-oh. The last one was a man who fantasizes about other women while having sex with his wife.
We'll start the new year off right. Woo! Happy New Year! Happy New Year. I am not here. I'm recording this way in the past. So I'm assuming 2025 rolled around. We made it. We made it. New Year's is my favorite time of the year. My favorite, favorite, favorite, favorite time of the year. Because the whole world just says, eh, you get a mulligan on that one. You can literally say anything.
Like, man, last year I really did a lot of drugs and burned a lot of houses down. But like... Hashtag new year. And everyone's like, yeah, you go. So I love new years. You just think everybody's like control, I'll delete. Let's try again. And I love it. I love it. I love it. So if you're listening today, I'm glad that you're here starting your new year off right. And we're going to run a best of.
We're running the best of the best calls of 2024. Kelly, you know some of the ones off the top of your AGAD?
I do. Well, also because I have them written right here.
Oh, I was going to say, yeah, because it's setting in. Kelly's starting to slow down. I'm glad you got them written down. What's up? Yes.
All right. So this one was, the first one is, I didn't know my boyfriend was married. They are getting ready to move in together. Whoa. And do you remember how she found out?
No.
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Chapter 2: How did a girlfriend discover her boyfriend was married?
Oh, ew.
And then the next one was, is my wife having an affair with the neighbor? And I think we all agree the answer was a definite yes.
100%.
I remember leaving being like, yes.
I mean, yeah, we all know that, clearly. And then the last one was a man who fantasizes about other women while having sex with his wife. So there you go. Happy New Year, people.
We can start the new year off right. Man, I was...
sometimes i leave the show um in one of two ways i leave the show like i just exhale and sometimes i'll text my wife and just be like just so you know we're doing great we're doing great and then other times people call in and they're like hey i'm wondering if my like wife's having an affair and they roll through like what's going on and it's like a thousand percent yes how do you not see that and
But then it makes me wonder, like, what are the things in my life that I'm just super unaware of? I'm sure y'all have lists.
Are you wanting me to, like, to go through the list right now?
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Chapter 3: Is my wife having an affair with the neighbor?
Do it like right now.
Okay.
Put me on speaker and then do it.
All right, it's gone.
It's gone.
It's gone.
The moment this call is over, I want you to send him an email on your work email.
Okay.
It says I'm cutting off contact with you. I don't want to talk to you electronically. I don't want you to call me. I don't want you to text me. I don't want you to email me anymore. If you do, I will consider it harassment. and a violation of our professional working relationship. Send.
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Chapter 4: What should I do if I can't trust my partner?
And I love their Cityscape hoodies. So let's do a restart. Let's put down our phone. Let's get a regular bedtime. Let's get comfortable when possible. And let's invest in our sleep. All of this with Cozy Earth. Because we all want to sleep and rest well, we show up better for ourselves and our families.
And right now, Cozy Earth is offering a 40% off discount code exclusively for the Dr. John Deloney Show listeners. Visit CozyEarth.com slash Deloney and use code Deloney. That's CozyEarth.com slash Deloney. Hey, Joe, what's up?
Yes, sir. How are you? Thank you for taking my call. You got it. I really appreciate it. What's up, brother? Nothing much. So pretty much... I found my wife in an emotional affair with my neighbor for over a year now. I found out a couple weeks ago. I looked through the call logs on the phone. I knew something was going on between the two of them.
I confronted him three times, and I confronted her. I'm being honest with you. It was probably two to three times a day. We would consecutively argue about it. He would, by my son... clothing for school and just stuff for his room. And he would cook my wife dinner a lot. And in front of me, they had nicknames and everybody denied it. And I'm having a hard time believing her in anything she says.
Her mother passed away about two years ago, and she was swearing on her deceased mother and our son that nothing was going on. And then when I confronted her, it was... The blame was on my end, and things weren't good. It's been going on for about a year. We were on couples therapy starting this January.
I was unaware of everything, but I knew something was off in the marriage, and I was trying to make it better. I can't even get away because he's next to me at home, and he is there when I go to the gym, at the same gym, so I can't even have an escape. that way. And I'm not sure where to begin. I'm not even sure where my head is at. I can't trust anybody. And this is where I'm stuck at right now.
Yeah, dude, that's a terrifying place to be, man. I'm sorry. That's okay. Hey, it's not okay, man. It's not, you don't gotta, you don't gotta make me feel better.
I'll just sit here with you. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate it. Do you have little ones? I do. I have one three-year-old son. Oh man. Yeah. I'm not even, I don't want to come home. Um, I, I, I literally can't get away. And she said that she broke it off with him. And, um, our houses are so close to you. If I put a hammer through the wall, you can probably see his living room.
That's how, you know, we're, we're right next door. Um, but, and, uh, you know, she said that she broke it off. And then about two weeks ago, I asked her, we were just talking and I asked her what she had for dinner and she said that she didn't eat. And this is something little, but it's just the fact that it happened.
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Chapter 5: How can I deal with emotional pain after infidelity?
And I haven't heard you once say, I am desperately in love with this woman and I want to try to save this marriage. I hear you pissed.
Yeah, I thought I was past the anger stage.
No, dude, your wife's cheating on you, right? And your neighbor waves at you. Yeah. I'm afraid you're going to end up in jail. You know why? Because I would. Yeah. I don't have the strength to go through what you're, what you're doing every day.
I thought I made the right, honestly, I thought I made the right call for staying for my son and try to work it out. But I'm just, I'm angry. I can't even look at her. It's like she, you know, she's trying in that aspect. But when I first found out it was like the end of June and I, I just said a divorce probably, I'm going to say like two, two weeks ago. Then that's when she started to change.
And, I'm like, well, you know, why did it take me to say a divorce? And, you know, I don't want to come home. I don't want to be around anybody. I'm angry. I'm upset. I can't believe anybody. I don't believe a word that she's saying, you know what I mean? Even though she could be telling the truth very well.
Here's the deal. Here's the work you have to do. Yes, sir. What does the path to trust look like for you? Because let's say we can't sell the house. We are stuck here in this house. It's against the law for us to sell, which is not true, but let's just make up something, okay? Yeah, yeah. What does trust look like? Trust looks like a no contact order.
Trust looks like you saying you are forbidden from coming on my property. And if you come on my property, you call my house again, you're on notice now. I'm going to file a harassment complaint. And your wife cuts off everything. She throws her phone in the sink and lets it, and loses all contacts and starts completely over. Yeah. But here's the deal, bro.
She did all this stuff and she, and he made her dinner and they had dinner together last night. You know what I mean? Yeah. I understand. You've heard me say this a thousand times. Behavior is a language. She's being very clear with you. No, I understand. And right now she's got a gravy train, which is you going off to work and then coming home. Does she work too?
Yeah.
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Chapter 6: What steps can I take to rebuild my self-worth?
I used to tell my college students, you have to put in writing through text message or email, do not contact me anymore, period. And once that line is crossed, then it's harassment. Now we can get involved. Yeah, that's a good point. Okay. All right. But I don't think she's going to do it, Joe. I'm going to have to agree with you there. Okay.
So let's get a group of people in your corner, whether that's a couple of close friends, whether that's a minister from your local church, whether that is an attorney that you're going to sit with, a mental health professional, everybody. Maybe the path right now is to go sit with an attorney because you've got a lot to untangle, whether with the bankruptcy, with child, with home equity.
I don't know how any of that stuff works in Connecticut. So having a professional just to know what you're looking at here. And the whole time, I want you to spend some time with yourself in a local coffee shop or on your breaks at work or in the morning when your son is taking a nap.
figuring out what is a path back to trust so that you can lay it down in front of her and say this is what this looks like we sell the house and we rent because I would rather be married to you and rebuild this marriage than own a house or you have to sever all contact forever and partridge in the pear tree on and on and on and on and on and I'm going to put cameras up in the house and if this man steps on my property I'm going to have him a no trespass
I don't want his plates in our home, and I don't want his paint rollers in our home, and I don't want his love and affection for you and our kid in our home. It's our home, not his. But, Joe, you got to stop. I mean, I know you hear it, and it's hard to even wrap your head around, oh, this is it. My wife is choosing him. She's choosing dishonesty. She's choosing lying, and I'm so sorry.
Call back anytime, brother. You got a long, hard road ahead of you. And listen to me, just because it's painful doesn't mean it's not right. Whichever path you take. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. This time of year, it's cold, it's dark, and most of us just want to stay inside and try to get cozy.
On the rare nights when everyone is home at my house, I love to spend cozy nights in with my immediate family. We all get under some blankets, sit around the fire, and we either read some books out loud or we watch a movie together. We laugh, annoy each other, and we all settle in. But often during the holidays, my family is scattered all around.
They're traveling, we're working, or otherwise separated from each other. And I find myself alone, bummed out, and sometimes wishing I was somewhere else. Millions of you know this feeling of being bummed out, lonely, especially around the holidays. You're battling loneliness and grief, and you wish that your life was different.
If this sounds like you, I encourage you to reach out to a therapist today. Therapy can be a safe place to settle in and work through those emotions, replenish your energy, and take care of yourself. I recommend BetterHelp to help you find comfort during the chaos and stress and loneliness that can be attached to the holidays.
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