📱Early access: Watch episodes of The Dr. John Delony Show one week early—download the free Ramsey Network app today! On today’s episode, we hear about: · A husband struggling to feel attracted to his wife · A woman who still doesn’t like herself after losing 100 pounds · A man trying to regain confidence after multiple job losses Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: · 🌱 Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. 🔴 Get 15% off with code DELONY at BON CHARGE. 🌿 Get up to 40% off at Cozy Earth with code DELONY. 🔒 Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. 😇 Go to Hallow for a 90-day free trial. 💤 Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! 🥤 Get 20% off at Organifi with code DELONY. 💪 Get 25% off your order at Thorne. 🏋️ Go to Trainwell to get started! Listen to More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: Why is this husband struggling with attraction to his wife?
What's going on? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show, talking about your mental and emotional health and your relationships, kids and your spouse, whatever you got going on. I'm here to sit with you and figure out what's the next right move. I'd love to have you on the show. It's real people going through real hard stuff.
Go to johndeloney.com, that's D-E-L-O-N-Y, johndeloney.com slash ask, A-S-K, or give me a buzz at 1-844-693-3291, and you can leave a message, and Kelly may holler back girl at you, even though she ain't no holler back girl. And I want everyone to know, right before the show started, we were all talking, and I said, and I quote,
This particular woman who walked through is over like two-fourths of the company. To which Kelly felt it really important to say, actually, you can reduce that fraction. It's one-half of the company.
I didn't say it quite that way, but overall.
That's how I heard it in my heart.
I just said, you mean one-half?
You know that friend that just corrects?
Oh, that friend that's right? Woo!
No, every friend has a math nerd friend. That's you.
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Chapter 2: How can a couple rebuild their friendship after years of challenges?
Um... I'm...
I, I, I'm always, I'm always thinking. You just gotta be honest. You gotta be honest. You're already in it now. You gotta be honest. Why aren't you friends?
Yeah. Um, I don't like the way she treats me. I don't like. Tell me about that. Um, she's, she's gotten a lot better.
Stop, stop, stop hedging. Stop hedging. Just tell me the truth.
Um, she's not nice to me. She calls me names. Uh, she is full of insults. Um, And I think it betrays how she really feels about me. Like... So just in the course of conversation, a couple years ago, I was like, hey, I'm self-employed. I think it's time to hire somebody. I think I need to hire somebody. And her response isn't, oh, is the business growing? No, it's, oh, you're so lazy.
Is this work beneath you? You just can't do it yourself? I'm like, no, I think this is... But it just cuts me really deeply into... that that's how she sees me. And if I were really, if I, if I really felt like I was a lazy person, I'd be like, Oh, that's a fair assessment. But I just feel like my wife should be able to tell me that in a way that's loving and encouraging and not skating like that.
The thing that is the defining characteristics of marriages that make it are at the end of the day, they're friends. And what I would tell you is right now, um, Can I just have your permission just to be pretty blunt? Is that cool? I mean, if you must. Okay. Your wife's, like, not a good friend. How long has this been going on?
Oh, we have a long history. I mean, there's a good deal of trauma in there, too. What does that mean? So we met in college through the college Christian group. I was pretty immature and uncertain about my theology. We were trying to stay like... When we became romantically involved, we were trying to stay pure before marriage and all that. And she literally...
for starters, she, we kind of divulged our sexual history too soon. Um, and then I felt like I couldn't, I couldn't break up with her because then it would seem like it was because I was upset about her sexual past or whatever. And, um, then she, it was like, she was auditioning to be my wife. It was like, she couldn't keep her hands off me. Um,
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Chapter 3: What steps can someone take after major weight loss?
Yeah, I would, I would say so.
Golly, dude, I'm sorry, man. I hate it for you. I hate it. So do me a favor. Bring me to right now. Okay, so... Hold on. Let me hop in here. You have a woman since you were dating has a complete and total disregard for the person in front of her, which happens to be you. And...
When you've sought help every step along the way, people have said either trained, licensed professionals have said, I don't know, man, or they've given you horrific wisdom.
Well, not all of them are licensed, but yeah.
Which I wasn't going to go there. I was trying to give people the benefit of the doubt, but often Christian counselors are the worst. They're the worst. The reality is, Where do you find yourself right now? Because as painful as this is for me to say, having my own history of having to go through some hard, hard stuff, we're here right now. And the only thing we can change is what happens next.
I try to do the breakfast thing. There's this mental health podcast I'm addicted to. Yes. which is another call.
I hope that hopefully I can quit that, but, uh, that's what's one good addiction to always keep, always keep that one.
Um, so I, I was like, Hey, I've been listening to this show. He's, you know, he's got some good ideas. And what if we have like sit down and have breakfast and really iron out? And, and she, she couldn't hear anything I said after that. She was, she was just started crying. She was like, Oh my gosh, you're a divorce me. Ah, like it just became this thing. And I was like,
maybe, I don't know, do I, did I need it? Did I, maybe I should have softened my startup or like, maybe like, I don't, I didn't think that was aggressive. Like, look, it seems like you're off the rails right now. Maybe we can try to have this conversation later.
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Chapter 4: How do past traumas affect current relationships?
Um, but yeah, I would, I would love to be married to someone that I could, you know, talk about, Hey, let's go get breakfast and not have her just blow up at me. That would be nice.
You're with somebody that does not sound psychologically stable, Tyler. If she is, she's a powerfully manipulative, emotionally painful person to be in the room with. The benefit of the doubt is she's struggling with some pretty deep, significant issues that she needs some clinical help with.
She'll probably always be unstable, but... She's matured a lot in 18 years and she's made changes and she doesn't fly off the handle as often and doesn't call me names nearly as often.
Can you be her friend? I think so. She won't even go to breakfast with you, Tyler.
We did go to breakfast. We kept the conversation superficial.
That's not friendship. That's job interview. Friendship is not not getting bit. That's avoidance. Friendship is, can I tell you all the good stuff? The amazing stuff. Can I tell you the bad stuff? Can I tell you the really dark stuff? Can you see all of me and still say, I love you? I'm in.
You can't even hire an employee of your own business without being called less than, without some sort of character attack. Yeah. I don't doubt she's worked really hard. That's amazing. What I hear you telling me is it was so bad that this is better then. I'll accept that. I trust you on that.
Yeah, so how do we move forward? I want to get out of that past. I want to own it and change my future.
I think you have to ask yourself, what do I actually want? And then you have to be clear about what that's going to look like.
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Chapter 5: What is the importance of self-acceptance after transformation?
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I love them. Listen, this new year, let's do a restart. Let's put down the phone. Let's set a regular bedtime. Let's get comfortable when possible, and let's invest in our sleep. All of this with Cozy Earth. Because when we sleep and rest well, we show up better for ourselves and our families. Right now, Cozy Earth is offering a 40% off discount code exclusively for my listeners.
Visit CozyEarth.com slash Deloney and use code Deloney. That's CozyEarth, C-O-Z-Y dot com slash Deloney. All right, so I'm a founding member of the get off the internet and go outside and play club. I think I may be the only member. And yet, like all of you, I often find myself at work or in my personal life living on the internets.
As a society, we've created more and more online accounts for everything, and we're all always signing up for promos, giving away our emails and personal numbers, and buying everything with our phones.
I get hundreds of emails to my personal account, my business account, and every business wants to survey me and become my friend, and everyone everywhere is trying to sell me all kinds of stuff all the time. It drives me nuts. And with all this online activity, Do we really know where our data is and who even has it?
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All right, we're back. Let's go to Memphis, Tennessee, down the street and talk to Charmaine. Hey, Charmaine, what's going on?
So I lost a hundred pounds. Yeah. I don't.
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Chapter 6: How to navigate emotional struggles in relationships?
How long did that take you?
Two and a half years. Yes, sir.
How'd you do that?
Well, it's a, it was a long process. I also have PCOS and the rest of my family struggles with obesity. So it was kind of like a one man show for a while. How'd you do it? I started my, it was really about sustainability. Like, Um, what can I do for a long amount of time? And also just getting to the root of it, I think was the biggest thing.
And, and that's what I wanted to talk to you kind of about, because when I was addressing that root, a lot of things sprung up. I'm a totally different person. And I'm just like, I don't even know who I am. Like, do I date myself?
Like I'm smiling ear to ear for you right now. Here's why I know what hell you went through. And I know everyone looks at your Instagram and sees the before and afters and it's cool. They don't see how much hell you got from family members who are supposed to love you, who you know are feeling miserable every day. And yet they want to project that onto you.
Yeah.
And how lonely it was and how cold in the mornings it was when you got up to go walking and how hot it was in the summer. Like, I'm so proud of you right now. I'm bursting in my seat right here.
Oh, thank you so much, Dr. John. That really means a lot. Here's the deal.
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Chapter 7: What does it mean to create a healthy relationship dynamic?
Beyond the weight, forget the number. I want you to know that I see how hard you've worked. I'm so proud of you.
Thank you. You are very motivating. I was walking to you for like hours and hours and I would hear your voice. So, I mean, I would thank you.
Well, women have been walking away from me for years, Charmaine. That's kind of my thing.
I was walking with you. I was walking with you.
What an honor, dude. What a blessing. All right. So how can I help? What's up?
Yeah. So I wanted to get more of a, just, I feel like I have a lot of pieces in my head, like, cause I feel like it's more of a psychological battle now than a physical one. I'm basically at the end of my journey and, Like, I would love to look myself in the mirror, put my fist to my chest and say, I love this woman.
There you go.
But I can't.
Why?
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