Matt McCusker
Appearances
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I didn't hear about it until you said it. Well, Matt, don't put this on me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Everyone knows you love Notre Dame and you love stock porn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I just I have a belief in the new Under Armour stuck porn commercial.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
So let me do that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
So motherly. Yeah, I've been off the porn. I don't want to shoot one of this into every discussion. I've been off since January. Good for you. Are you thinking clearer? Yeah, you get harder over less, for sure. You get kind of like high school kind of boner type things.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I've been a big, I've been a big ground beef guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Especially alone in a hotel. That's... You know what I have now? You know those things you strap to your head and there's a ball and a string and you punch it? I have one of those and I do that. I do that at night. You're super glue when your eyes close. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Dude, those things are awesome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That's what I do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Shadow boxing in a hotel.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
And the noise, you can probably hear it. It still sounds like you're jacking off, dude. Yeah, it's like pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Dude, it was effective. It does calm you down, though. Because you get the willies. After a show, you're like, I want to do something bad. Of course. Yeah. What do you mean? You want to eat something bad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, you want to do something fucked up. Yeah. So I just punched the ball. I just fucking... You're in adrenaline now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Exactly. Yeah. Dude, the older I get, the more I kind of can see. Remember hearing about those guys that have hookers rub their backs? And that's it? Yeah. Yeah, I've heard of those guys. I can see it now. I'm like, dude, I used to laugh when I was younger. Like, why the fuck would anyone do that? Now I'm like, nah, I kind of. Definitely. Right on. Yeah. Yeah, hug, some nice words.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I really did always wonder why it was so much cheaper than the other meat. I'm like, it's just you're chewing it up anyway. Why does it matter if it's pre-ground?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That's the part I'm leaving out. There's just four, like, very cheap hookers. I'm standing on this. You're showing them like it's a new toy. I'm standing on their butts like a BOSU ball. Yeah, I mean, dude, I wish women would be cooler about hookers, honestly. You know what I mean? Like, why are they so uptight about hookers? Wives and hookers could be a team. And instead, they have to be enemies.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, we like to, you know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I don't know why.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I was big on that forever. Yeah, I would get ground meat and be like, dude, nobody knows about this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
He was giving you college roommate questions. He's like, what are you going to do? I'm going to go take a nap. Are you going to hit the calf or something?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Put your email address in or something like that? Just don't do it. Are you nuts? Yeah, don't go on the government. It's devastating. It's like when you're younger and you need to get an older person to buy you alcohol. You got to ask the kids. You're like, yo, what are you guys all jerking off? Yo, not weird. Get over here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
But no, you just got to remember old porn sites, and that's what you just use. Xvideos is cool. Xvideos.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yep. Just Pornhub. Pornhub, you can't go on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
There was a browser's password.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Isn't that interesting? That's the LAD algorithm. It's the algorithm. Yeah, that's kind of what's in demand right now. I can roll with that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
We got a highbrow. Real highbrow followership. I like it. I like our stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, it sucks. Coming upon, like, some... If you hit, like, a desktop and you, like, see the search... They didn't know about search history. No. So you could see the search history and be like, God, old man, what are you doing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, I was a bagel bite guy. I would microwave, like, 24 bagel bites.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Come on, man. My dick's a lot bigger now, though. Really? Really? Really? No, I'm saying you got some ads. You can click the ad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I want to know if that's ever worked out for anybody. I don't know a single person who's hit like the fine. Does it work?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That's cool you did Reddit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah. And I would eat all of them, and I would dip them in SpaghettiOs every day after school. Whoa. And watch Pokemon with my little brother.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Anyway, I don't know if you can handle this. She looks like she's been sitting in a dark room saying dirty words into a phone for years. Yeah, what do you think?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Guys, download the PrizePix app today and use code DRENCHED to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code DRENCHED on the PrizePix app to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks. Run your game. Hey, and just like that, guys, don't forget, we also do stand-up comedy, all right? I know you guys love the pod.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Don't forget, you can come check us out at a fucking show, dude. By the way, I just got my motherfucking haircut, just like that. I know you guys are going, God damn, that motherfucker is a cheat. Guys, I'll run down the list. Go to ShaneMGillis.com. I know he's got a couple shows coming up. Manchester, England, man, that's going to be a big one. Go to Manchester. You hear that, you British fucks?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
How crazy. That's a couple days ago.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You motherfuckers. Guys, go to Manchester and go check out all those shows. I'll also be in the Comedy Castle, Royal Oak, Michigan. And it's in danger of selling out, so I'm not just saying that. It's true. Funny Bone, Omaha. We could use some tickets there, not going to lie. Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club, San Antonio, Texas. Cobbs Comedy Club.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Suck on my motherfucking cob in San Francisco, California. Crest Theater, Sacramento, California. We'll see how that goes. Then the Neptune Theater, Seattle, Washington. And I have a couple other dates coming up, but, you know, we'll see. But, yeah, go on and motherfucking go on and get yourself some motherfucking tickets.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I had a similar horrific, horny story. I remember I was at a strip club, met a stripper. Whole thing changed numbers. I'm like, yes, I can finally date a stripper. This would be so sick. And I went to her house, and there was just a nine-month-old infant there. And I was like, all right. I think we might have kissed. Yeah, that's a good kiss, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You just dip her the pacifier and sweet and sour McDonald's sauce and put it in the baby's mouth. And I was like, dude, this is fucking dark. Holy shit. And then there were trans prostitutes above. She told me this. And they were, like, making a ruckus up there. They were up there banging around. She was like, yeah, dude, they'll set up shop in the hallway.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I'll just hear like, dong, dong, dong, against the door and open up. And one of them was getting piped out in the hallway. We can get upstairs, you guys. And they're like, shut the fuck up. It was rugged, man. That's when you get a taste and you're like, I'm going to scale it back a little bit. Not about that life. Yeah, not at all. Shocks you out of it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Eating fucking SpaghettiOs. I remember getting real mad at my mom after she busted out the angel hair once. Then she'd go to the regular spaghetti. I'd be like, why? Yeah. Did I do something wrong? Why aren't we getting angel hair? Is angel hair more expensive somehow? It might have been when it hit the scene.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It's probably the hooker's fault, honestly. It was definitely the hooker's fault.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It's probably your spiked brass knuckles you were playing with at the same time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah. Did you ever get a Nuru massage? A what? A Nuru. A Nuru? When a lady like greases herself up and just slides herself across you. No. Have you? There was a porn category that I saw.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I don't know why.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I got one in real life and it was just like an older kind of drug addled lady just laid on me for a while. in a motel. I was just sitting in a shitty highway motel being like, okay, I'm good on this now. She came to you? I went there. Was that a motel? It was like a side of the highway, outdoor motel. So it wasn't really a spa, per se. No.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It was underwhelming. I thought they built it up so much on the video in the movies, and then I was like, it's going to be awesome. It was like a very fucked up lady. I had to run her to Rite Aid afterwards. For what? She had to, like, go buy supplies. She had to buy, like, hooker supplies. She's like, can you give me a ride to Rite Aid? And I was like, yeah, fine. Hop in. Chopped her off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Angel hair was kind of sexual. It was. For some reason, it was.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
The Rite Aid trip after?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I had a weird pride where I really prided myself back then on being able to really chop it up with prostitutes. I'm like, no, we can chill and talk.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Is that a big thing for you, prostitutes? Yeah, I had a period. I felt really nice to sit there and just like... Once all the business was handled, we'd just sit and fucking chat. Once we settled our affairs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
yeah like they got it like yeah you could hang out with them and shoot the ship somewhere chill yeah and you just kind of it's really tempting to be like can i just be like a guy should i just like be a security guy for you or something because you do want to get into it you're like dude i could just hang out in shitty motels what are we going to free base cocaine i guess i've never done that before i guess i could do that yeah see where this goes your supplies to be your guy dude even right aid what are the fucking thing of tinfoil and baby oil is
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, my mom would get the laundry basket that week and be like... Yeah, that's the angel hair. It was just like dumping rocks out of a dumpster.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Now it's fucking wild.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Me and my wife had a meeting. I'm going to use Astroglide and fuck her in the butt. It's family planning. That's the family... That's the family planning aisle. We've had a long talk.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It's just a lube.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I thought you were kidding around. They have cock rings out, too?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
True. Dang, I got to bust one. I got to bust out a vibrating cock ring. I haven't busted one of those out. It's been a while. It's been a while since I... Possibly a decade. You've used one of those? Oh, for sure. Really?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
How'd it go? Pretty amazing, honestly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It just goes down there and buzzes. It seems like it makes sense, right? Dude, if you want to feel like an all-star, yeah. Your dick just becomes a fucking, dare I say, little vibrator. Yeah. So it's just like, it's just on the bottom. And every time you get all the way in, rather than them being like, they're going, Oh, what's that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, you do. There is like a, if you lose, yeah, they're definitely not one size fits all. So like if you get, if you lose any hardness, if that thing starts wobbling around, you just got to like pinch the fucking, you just got to give it a little twist and be like, yep, we're so good. It's filling this thing the fuck up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You got to beat off with it first. You have to just test it out. Sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
got to use it it's good stuff no mess either yeah that was yeah that's almost instinctual if you see economy you're gonna like the first con we see you use it to beat off kind of yeah at least i did i was just like i did it a good amount more than i probably i entered an adult phase i entered like an embarrassing
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I was a freakazoid, yeah. Late 20s, early 30s. Still a freakazoid. That's why he's like, I'm off porn. It all makes sense now. I watched a live action. I remember they were like, yeah, I remember there for like, just like if there was like a period thing or like... before like there was like pill issues, like if you're on the pill off, like, well, I have condoms just in case.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I remember at one point they were just gone. Like, what the fuck? And I was like, I beat off. I genuinely did like, oh my God, you must be doing. So I was like, no, I really beat off of the bathroom.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Like on a Tuesday afternoon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
We were having sex. We were jacking off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
We were just mutually masturbating.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Although you... You know, if it's, like, young kids, it's, like, people have them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Still, it's still, it's, like, someone had that thing on them. It's not, like, I wouldn't jump to, like, my son was fucking a five-man butt-fucking fest. That is a big jump, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
True, but, like, kids have them on them. Like, we were in high school. I remember you keep, like, a Lifestyles in your wallet. Yeah, sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That's fucking wildly upsetting. Yeah. I was going to say, I was like, maybe it's kind of sus, but I don't know. No, it's real sus. A used cum. A used cum. Damn. You should have said, you should have like, yeah, Jared did it and then someone else licked the wrapper. Licked the wrapper. I tried to tell them to stop. They were all just having sex with each other. All my friends had sex.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Did your mom confront you or your dad? Oh, my dad. Oh, what did he say?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That's the whole beauty of it. Wacking off with a condom. That was also, that's a CP. That's an early CP. That'll put you right out. That's an early cream pie. Coming to a condom is kind of intense as a young man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah. I remember seeing a little tip and being like, fill that thing up. Reservoir tip. I didn't really.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It was orthopedic.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
No. I got caught sucking boobs in, like, seventh grade. Really? That's pretty cool, though. That age, sucking boobs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who busts to you? My dad walked down in his underwear, and he's like, whoa, Jesus Christ. And I just, I had, like, a Flyers jacket unzipped and open, just going, sucking boobs. Dad went, oh, God, and just walked, he just left.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That's crazy. Would you pick her up outside the spectrum? She was an eighth grader.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I will say, fettuccine... Yeah, I'm like, I'm looking at my mom, I'm like, what the fuck? Fettuccine Alfredo is slut slop. Yeah. It's for sure. What's some other slut slop? Uh, I think any kind of, like, pesto. They fuck with... Nah, really? Really? Oh, what's that? No, it's definitely fettuccine. It's fettuccine or, no, what's the other one? The cheese-filled noodles.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, whatever, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Took a while, man. Watching the movie slowly. Watching Jurassic Park slowly. Just like... Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It was a full zip down. Yeah. Just threw a pullover. It would have been crazy. It's a good scenario. Popping a titty out of the top. Back to a few good men. Someone's done it before. Someone's sucked titties under a starter jacket before. For sure. Those things, dude, that was like, that made your whole year back then. Like, what starter jacket you got? I had the Miami Hurricanes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I thought that was like a sick logo. I had a 76ers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, I was on Kill Tony a couple months ago, and I saw there was a black gentleman performing, and his jeans were almost all torn, like all holes. And that was kind of like the latest iteration I'd seen.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I never got one of his G-Unit wife beaters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Dude, now it's like everyone wears shirts now. Everyone wears the SPF shirts. It's crazy. Yeah, it's pretty nuts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Those aren't nice. They are kind of fucking nice, dude. I enjoy wearing those. Yeah, I had one in the pool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You don't have to put sunscreen on at all. All you got to do is just hit your nose.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You're just like... Yeah, a shirt in a pool is crazy, man. Especially just being wet, like you were saying. After you're done, you're just so uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable to swim in. That's what I'm saying. You might spread out a little while you're swimming and look like an octopus.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah. I learned it from you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, I take back, take back pesto. Although, that might be graduated. That might be elevated sluts. Elevated slut. Yeah, once you get off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, my mom would just tell me, she's like, you got fat. Like, she'll just, like, look at me and be like, you put on a lot of weight. You look kind of fat. They're vicious with that shit. Just doesn't mince words. She'll be like, yeah, you're getting a little hefty there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Happens. Trying to turn it all around, though. This 2025 is the year everyone turns around. Possibly 2026. Maybe 2028. 2028 is going to be a golden age. I know it's going to be good. We're going to slide into probably a golden age as a country in 2028, probably.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You think it's going to be doom?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That's what I'm saying.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
What the fuck? Yeah, I feel like, I mean, if it's still in outer space, can't we just send nukes into outer space? I don't think that shit, I think that don't work.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Especially if it's like iron or something like that. Oh, yeah. Fuck. Just heats it up and it hits us harder. Yeah. Makes it angry. Just pisses it off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I wonder who it's going to hit. Because it's going to all depend on the way the Earth's turning. Yeah. How big is it? How big is it?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah. That ain't going to hit us. They're just doing the asteroid fear cycle.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
They get me with the plane cycle.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Everybody walked away. It was like the miracle in the Hudson on the ground. He just flipped it over.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
He was just going a little too fast.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You need it. It's good for guys. Yeah. Muscles and guys. It's OK.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
My dream is to surf the flight, to stand in the aisle and surf a landing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That's what I'm saying. If it flips over, I'm like, I thought about that. I'm like, dude, this flipped. I would fall. That'd be a hard fall to the ceiling.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It's for hot dudes and giant sluts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
A little bowling action?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
We've crunched those numbers. Male flight attendant.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, if we're being precise. A little male cheer. He probably hasn't done his male cheerleading in a while.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, is it just Korean Airlines that like all Asian Airlines have been acting up?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
As they plummet to the ground, you boys acting up out there really playing a fool over there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I think it might be an operator issue.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That's so fucking funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah. Didn't the one just straight up disappear one time, too? Yeah, it was disappeared.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You know, flaming yawning cranberry juice is going to say. That also sounds like you're on a date with a 16 year old. Could you get a lid on this, please? Mac and cheese in a Shirley Temple.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
With the Malaysian airline, everyone thinks they went in the ocean. What if they went into outer space? Whoa, that fucking... That's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Maybe that's what they're doing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That's external influence. That's environmental. That's a real thing then. Zempic burps?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You should have listed, like, in fucking Norway. Iceland air or something. Australia's flows, motherfuckers, too. Those cocksuckers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Get that real ginger in there just floating around.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That happens. Oh, Zempix, it slows up your whole digestive system. So like everything just moves so slow. Yeah. And how much could you eat on that? Would it slow you down big time? Me or? Yeah, you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I was thinking about your stew all last night. I was like, I wonder if you put it on right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
He's got the inside connector. That's Black Mac. That's Black Mac, dude. Black Mac, forget about it. Yeah, Black Mac's different, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
This is my weight loss journey.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It's not my fault. I remember taking it off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Did you burp into the machine at all?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Trapped a flavor. Seven passengers of a cruise died.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I'm getting healthy. I'm doing this for you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You can hit the aisle.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah. Wives, I will say my wife punishes me when I fart on a plane. She goes, was that you? And if I had fart, I'll laugh. I can't not laugh hysterically. If I did fart and someone smells it, so I'll be like, dude, shut the fuck up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Me and Butterly were on a plane once and a little boy in front of us. Anytime either of us farted, he would turn around and go. He would see his face in the gap at the seat. He thought it was like the funniest thing in the world.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Oh, fuck. And he would say it to his parents. He'd be like, I think they farted again. They'd be like, shh, stop. That was so funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That was so funny. Goddamn, dude. Hot dig.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah. Thanks for having us. It's fucking hilarious. You guys are the best.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Nice, man. We're excited. Fuck, that's going to be awesome. It is going to be very good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, man. I swear to God, I think they put vibranium in their mac and cheese. Dude, I have to take my wife aside. If we go somewhere, like my parents' house or something, it'll be like bleach blonde American cheese on noodles, and I'll have to take her outside and be like, all right, dude, you can scream out here. She gets fucked up. She's like, what is this? It's American cheese and milk.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
uh craft velveta hit us for a minute yeah craft was going on and then i i think velveta was one of those things that was in my friend's house that i like snuck into the shopping cart and i was like i had some velveta and like my mom was like get the shit the fuck out of here because velveta had the their angle was it's not powder it's real it's the real cheese but what kind what was it not it was like just a bed just a bag of cheese we were huge velveta when i was real young it was in a huge block
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It was the first time you had Velveeta. It is kind of like a revelation. Yeah. What the fuck? What is my house doing? Yeah, it's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
yeah chips and cheese was just melting american cheese on chips was big and then my friend was like really hit me with the velveta and i was like bro yeah although i feel like velveta was kind of indicative of like a problem like usually if there was a velveta house there was like marital strife oh yeah there's a couple holes in the wall yeah there was a couple holes in the wall they were trying to buy back that kid's love yeah for sure a little dunkaroo action
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah. Well, she was subservient to the son. The son would be like, no, mom, give me the Dunkaroos.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
fuck that was the funfetti one you know my cousin snorted pixie sticks in a single bomb basement like there was like we were at a friend's house a single bomb and he just started just railing lines of pixie sticks my cousin he developed a drug problem i would have to assume he dabbled he bounced hard he dabbled he dabbled he was dabbling man he's snorting pixie sticks you know he's something in the air something in the air single mother house you go i gotta do something in this basement no one can stop me here there's only a woman
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
There's no Paul to rain down on you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
He's all about it. Dude, I've talked about this before, but I'll never forget it. When we were at our friend's house, it was just his mom, and he had these walkie-talkies. And I swear to God, this actually happened. We're, like, fucking around. He's like, if I go to a certain channel, it picks up my mom's phone conversation. What?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
And we picked up a phone conversation of his mom complaining that the guy wouldn't sleep with her. And we were all like,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I mean, I take a ground beef.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
My brother claims, and I have reason to believe it's true, but he said his friend had, you know, you'd have like you would like copy VHSs off of like TV or whatever. He had some sort of blank tape that they had like a movie on. And they went to, like, put it in to watch it. And his mom and her new boyfriend had recorded a sex tape. And, like, recorded over what had been there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
So they watched the first ten minutes. Then it was just mom giving the coach a hug. Went from three minutes to coach to fucking anal real quick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Just head, bro. On an old VHS, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Like April O'Neil. Damn, yeah, I didn't even think about that. That is a big cam.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, it was crazy. Being that freaky back then took a lot of gear. Yeah. Like, you couldn't just, like, have a cell... You know, now you can just have, like, a cell phone. Sure. Maybe be live streaming out to people or whatever, but, like... Yeah, that sucks. Porn moms, that's going to be a hard wave of kids growing up with OnlyFans moms.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Texas chopped cheese. It's so good. That is good. I don't care what anyone says. No, that's great. That's delicious.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Time for ass fucking. This is early 90s. Yeah, that's terrible. She rented it knowing her son worked there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Didn't give a shit. I mean, it was time for an ass fucking. It's time. It's time. It's time. You see the big hand in the small.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Really? Yeah, we had the Spanish Fly 14. That was the big tank. Damn, they got off the 14?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Just pound the ground beef. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Woo-wee! I'm still a bit of a story head. Love it. I need it. I kind of need a little bit. If it's just like smash cut to insertion, I'm like, bro, build me up. A little seduction.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Share bed might be one of my favorites. Share bed is nice. Share bed is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Well, it's all step. It's step. Step is not step. Or they'll claim step, and then in the video, they won't say, step's your mom.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
For me, and again, I haven't been tested now in a loan and hotel room. That's the ultimate. That's like, I mean, in my house...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
easy i mean you know obviously it takes some effort but easy enough but like dude yeah yeah that shit's impossible now that i'm off of though when you're when you're married though it's like if you have porn it gives you like a little trench where like if you're fighting you could be like and just go beat off and then keep the fight going but if you're charged up oh
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
it's your trench you can just be like yeah you go back to the foxhole I don't need you yep I don't need fuck you blah blah blah yep dude I was on a fully protected it was basically a 10 day yeah it was like a 10 day hold in and I was like we were like it was like a mild beef regular stuff and I wanted to be mad so badly and she just touched me last night and I was diamond hard and we had to just settle the beef immediately and I was like yep porn is definitely not good I forget everything so I've doubled down on porn I'm off porn now are you using your imagination
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
If I sink so low as to hurt myself in masturbation, yes. But yeah, no, I try not to masturbate at all. I mean, I'm not going to be a psycho about it. If I really can't sleep, I'll just do it. It's not like a shame thing, but it definitely is a relationship enhancer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Well, roller derby to me, it was like, in my head for some reason, I was like, oh yeah, girls in the roller blades, short shorts. And I was like, these girls are pretty strong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Almost too much. I was telling... spud today i was like dude i was telling him like i had this like almost like mystical experience having sex after like no porn for weeks holding it in i'm having i'm like it almost got i got so carried away i almost ordered up the third i was on the verge of sending of just cpn Last night.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
What is CP? It's cream pie. Creating another kid. I have two kids. Last night was so charged. I was like, fuck it, dude, I don't care. Oh, okay. I was like... A lot of slang. I was using a lot of street slang. You were considering a pie. And I know, you know, now it's been so long, she's ovulating. If she's putting paws on me, I'm like, okay, you're ovulating.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I was like, I'm about to pie. I was like, what the fuck are you doing? I was like, my bad. I thought we were on the same wavelength here. I for real had, like, it was, I mean, it's embarrassing to talk about. I had, like, a genuinely pretty profound experience.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I needed you there to pull me out, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
So I got a little too horny off the board. It's been validated.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It was not two, seven, three, seven, repeating. It was fucking time, bro. It was pi squared. But yeah, that was making it was actually it was just like a cool realization of like, yeah, you see what porn does in a relationship and you're like, it is not good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I thought I was going to get way more into it sexually. And I was like, this is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I hope. I mean, look, I don't get that's the thing. I don't beat myself up, dude. If I fucking beat yourself up, if I fall, I'm trying to take it out because the nofap thing was crazy. I'm like, dude, it's crazy to be like, I'm just never going to come ever again. But then, you know, to be like, yeah, just fucking jerk off to porn. I'm like, it's equally as weird.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Because it's just not good for you. You just see fake ladies and come all the time. It's not good for you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, exactly what I'm saying. So, you know, I'm not like I'm not coming from like a moral like you're wrong if you do that. I'm sure I'm all about optimization, like what's optimal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It sounded to me like a sexual thing when I was younger. I was like, oh, yeah, roller derby time. And I'm like, man, these are some giant ladies.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That is... Utah's a good place to run that... You can trick the... Yeah, they're pretty aliened up, I think.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Here's a question. If you were a vampire, immortal, unless obviously somebody put a stake through your heart, would you have gay sex after like 700 years?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, that's the other thing, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You have to at least be bi as a vampire.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It's kind of weird for a vampire to be like, no, dude, I'm totally fucking straight.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, I wonder about that. If you were like that old, because if Nosferatu was really just fucking sticking to do the whole village, I wonder what you would do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
How come he doesn't give a fuck about Nosferatu? What if you were immortal and you're like, I just want to die so bad, and then eventually you bottom out and you're like... You stick around for like 2,000 more years and just get fucked in the butt.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, I guess the point guard girls were kind of.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That would turn a chick on, though, if you're like, yeah, I fucked that guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Get a punk in jail. Did you ever, I watched a documentary about It was basically prison sex, and they were saying how that's a big status in jail.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
My brother said it to me. It was the funniest. It was all about getting boys. If you're in jail, if you had five boys, it was a sign of status. You just get punks, basically, underneath you. You could loan them out for money, or a lot of these dudes would fall in love with their top punk. Wow. Jesus Christ. It was fucked, dude. There was one part. I don't want to ruin the vibe. You loved it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
i don't want to ruin the vibe but like you're watching this guy and he's just like yeah man this is why i came here and i just i'm just this guy's bitch and like we fell in love and they had this whole choir then you find out it is they go interview his father of the kid who's a punk in jail and they're like telling the dad what's going on he's like yeah yeah i just man i really just hope he gets out of there and straightens out his life and then apparently what happened was the guy was on drugs and just like ran a kid over
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
So he's just like, yeah, I'm just going to stay high and stay in jail forever and just be a punk. I was like, damn, that's so sad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
He's like, as soon as I get sober, I just think about my life and it's literally that unbearable and I just have to be high. But it's fucked up. They went to his dad and like, yo, your son's like someone's boyfriend in fucking jail. Yeah. Fuck. God, man. I just want him to strain his life out. So sad. That's so sad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
He was a top boy, though. He was like procuring other boys and shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You don't have to be a punk. That's the thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, if you're looking good, you better be able to fight.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I would just go mad. I'd go white boy crazy. Yeah, I would just go absolutely white boy crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You guys don't want this. You get the special diet, though. That's like a special diet you can get in jail that's highly coveted. What? The Jewish meal plan. Oh, the kosher. Yeah, you can do the kosher. You can do the Muslim. So you actually get a pretty coveted meal plan. So you might be able to... Trade that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, that's a cool... That's funny to wake up in the morning and just read The White Revolution. Wake up to that. Oh, nice. Some publicity.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
nothing much i did i was just in fucking rapture last night it was kind of nice sexual rapture yeah i dude i haven't felt like that man that was crazy wow to have like a genuinely like i've never had a powerful like spiritually powerful yeah dude yeah and then the pie almost almost pie near pie did you leave put the last part in just for like a little you know a little like leftover touch
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
no no no you're talking about like and then just kind of going back in yeah no i would have i was a dude i was a rabid dog i had full i had full like iguana eyes just like ew man i dude i i didn't realize i didn't know what i was setting myself up into man you don't know really who you are until you've held it in like that then all of a sudden you're just it's it was crazy you know how conflicted i was how long did you hold it in it was really only like 10 days
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That's a reasonable amount of time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That's what I'm saying. It was reasonable, and it was, yeah. I was just taking some maca, so I've been waking up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. If you take maca root, it's... Dude, it's crazy. You wake up just like... Steel beam. What? Give me something right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
What the hell? I had a subject to talk about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah. Well, I did want to talk to you about the Penn State coach. What the hell? What was that about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Did he say something about the guy's hairline or something?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
What was he saying about the coach?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Just put your fucking clothes back on and go back to the library. I don't want to. You don't have to do this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That's why they're winning, obviously.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Matt, hit them with this. PrizePix is the best place to get real money sports action with over 10 million members and billions of dollars in award winnings. I said billions, dude. Billions of dollars in awarded winnings. Don't get it twisted. PrizePix has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all. You just pick more or less on at least two players for a shot to win up to 1,000 times your cash.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
A thousand, dude. This is crazy. A thousand millions, how much is that? That's a billion, bro. That's all you need to get the bill. A thousand millions. Think about that. Run your game all season long on PrizePix. It's playoff time, and it's now or never. Don't miss out on the last few weeks of football action with PrizePix, the best place to win cash while watching the playoffs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, we're anti-burlesque here. I don't like that at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
PrizePix also offers weekly promotions that can lead to big payouts like Taco Tuesday.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
All I want is for my crew to run our fucking game. Dude, that's all I want, man. Just run our fucking game on real sports action. This is crazy. Fantasy sports action. Let me tell you about this. Download the PrizePix app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It is tight for guys. Some guys do get dragged into the burlesque world by their girlfriend. They have to sit there and be like, those are all very powerful performances from all four of you guys. I like the one dressed as a devil. That was pretty cool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Guys, I'll be at the Funny Bone Liberty Township, Ohio, January 24th, Dania Beach, Florida, February 6th, Columbus, Ohio, Royal Oaks, Michigan, Omaha, Nebraska. Please just go to mattmccusker.com for tickets. Thank you very much.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You got anything weird? What are you reading? I know you're reading something. Right now, I'm doing a lot of research right now. What are you researching? I've been reading a lot about... I've been reading arguments for tradition. I just stumbled upon this book. It's called The Sword of Gnosis. And they just like... Treadhusband? Hmm? Treadhusband? Not Treadhusband.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Although, I mean, I'm sure they'd be down for Treadhusband. I'm just reading an academic book about guys slamming Vatican II. I think Mel Gibson was just fucking slamming Vatican II.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, they were just talking about how it was such a gigantic mistake for the priest to face the congregation.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, they just one day turned around and everyone was like, what the fuck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
The idea was you were watching a guy. The altar was supposed to be God. So you were watching a guy commune with God in real time in Latin. Twitch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
they just like switched it and made it person focused where they're like bro you've lost the plot yeah should be about god now you're just fucking giving some lukewarm fucking speech to these dumbasses pep talk once a week they do you guys should be nice yeah oh i never thought of it though when's the last time you heard the homily uh it's been a while they're not great like a year they're not great yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, he reads the good part of the Bible, and then he- The important part of the Bible.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
New Testament's way more streamlined. Yeah. Streamlined, yeah. The Old Testament's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It's like Jewish Star Wars. Isn't it? Yeah, just like them, like battles and fucking deserts and shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It is kind of sick, though, to be like... This is just our story. Meet every Sunday. Remember we got that big-ass fucking fight with the Egyptians?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That was pretty much it. I've been reading that. I told you about the Chesterton book. You didn't seem to like Chesterton last week.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
silly men yeah he's pretty silly but i i think it was needed he was like a british gentleman yeah the time period was good it called for a silly man yeah call for some silly man you're a silly man you could fop yeah somebody with like tassels here frills just does stuff right yeah i'm a silly man dude the half the half face shave that was fucking silly as hell that was silly man i ruled that was really silly man that was disorienting me i would see clips and i would get like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Like, what the fuck's going on? It did something to my brain. It made no sense. It didn't.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It was disorienting, it was. Oh, dude, speaking of having cool people be happy and not cool people be mean, I did the slutty Garfield thing on Patreon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Wait, they didn't like slutty Garfield on Patreon? Some people didn't. Which made me laugh more, honestly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
So it was a mystery. A secret artist just sent me this thing. He's like, I made it. I don't know what to do with it. And I was like, dude, please let me put this on my Patreon. It's about Garfield.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Well, we were doing NPR vibes. If you want to do this, turn up the dial. If you turn up the dial, if you want to jam. Oh, I can think of it now. We're still. Well, hold on, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
uh it's about garfield becoming a streetwalking prostitute streetwalking trans prostitute and then john's just trying to find him and save him or save garfield from the underworld save her miss lasagna what's od doing his name was in the mix as well it's a street dog what is he doing od's a bit of od's in the underworld oh really drugs or what I can't spoil. I've seen a lot of the story's arc.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It's just funny. You can spoil it. I can't spoil it, dude. It's so funny to one day. All I kept thinking about was a guy waking up and just being like, oh, sweet. What the fuck? Garfield. Guys trying to fuck Garfield.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Well, it's actually really well done. It just looks like a professional.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
They're very good. It's unbelievable how good it is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
you sucked my dick down off colfax what mutant made this who's doing this i can't reveal his identity oh he's got a hidden identity yeah he's a secret artist he might be i i just our paths just crossed and he honestly the dude makes me laugh so fucking i talked to him all the time he's so funny shout out the secret artist
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I might do like a drug zinc style interview where I interview him and it's just his face is blurry.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You got fucked a lot. Trans Garfield. I love violence. Yeah, that's been my whole weekend. Oh, dude. So I went to ATL, Helium ATL. It actually is in Alpharetta. It's 45 minutes or it's like about 38 minutes outside of Atlanta. It's nice though. That's where you get the honkies. Oh, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Although, I did get to spend a little bit of time in Atlanta, and I thought I would have seen more gay black guys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
oh because i think that is the mecca and i'm being like honest i wasn't ready to be like all right let's go i want to see like you know you know like the mormons when you're in utah you're like let me natural habitat exactly yeah so i'm like let's go i just i thought i was just gonna get you know some gay black attitude just a little treat gay black attitude would be a nice treat just a little sass yeah exactly aggressive sass little spice
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
But, dude, I go down there, so they send me out to fucking cracker-ass Alpharetta. So I didn't see any gay black guys, so I was kind of like... Oh, fuck, yeah, you didn't get to see any then.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I know. Thank God I had my black wife with me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Just for some reserved sass, but... Atlanta, it's very nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
But yeah, dude, I go down there. You know, I was joking about always assuming my wife is faking it when she has any ailment. I just assume, I'm like, if she has any ailment, for some reason, there's part of my brain that's like, yeah, right. Sure you do. Sure, literally. So then we're down, we get there. First night we're there, she's like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
she's been saying it for two days she's like i don't really feel that well and i'm like dude it's just the fucking whatever it's just because you're on a trip with me you're ruining it it's because i have to work this weekend i had the kids everything so i'm sitting there and all of a sudden i'm like she's like coughing i don't feel well and i'm like dude just you need i always tell her you just need to drink some water dude drink some water drink some fucking water walk it off
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I'm more so pushing the water agenda, but she has hit me with it. You haven't drank a lot of water. Yes, I have. I'm a fucking water cooler in my office. You don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Why the fuck are you saying that? I know about, I got to stop dogging on her over her water intake, but it's, dude, it's crazy. Nah, get in there. I was, dude, she had a fever and I'm like, I gave her this big water bottle. I came in the next day and I was like,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I was with you I saw you for 14 hours I have actually I have data on that they don't get good sleep so when I got the aura ring I don't have it right now but I was wearing this aura ring it was like tracking my sleep all this stuff finally talked my wife into getting one we went to bed at the exact same time we both wore them I woke up. It was like eight hours sleep. I woke up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I'm like, dude, my readiness score is 93. This is awesome. What's yours? Fucking 55.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
She is when they get their periods, their body temperature rises. And I was peeping her readiness score. And it was like, dude, it was 55 would be like if I had like five beers and stayed up till three in the morning. We got eight hours of sleep.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, and I woke up next to her and I was like, what the fuck happened? She's like, I told you, I don't feel well.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Damn, dude, you're fucked. Think of those floppy tits. I got the data, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Bro, I didn't know. It's like a whole week leading up to it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah. But dude, so she had her fucking... Every month, part of it. She rode off a week of period into flu.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
So it was period to flu. Then I'm doing shows, so like Thursday we get the diagnosis. I'm like, damn, you're fucked. They hate show weekends anyway. Yeah, true. They hate show weekends. I think her body just rejected it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
well dude i was nervous i'm what i'm what i'm trying to tell you right now is that i had all weekend i'm not trying to say like i'm a hero or whatever but it was babe had a fever okay i had to do all the stuff during the day for the most part obviously we do we brought a babysitter with us so i did a little bit but this is a rogue but i had to make breakfast dude so dude i was like getting up and it was like i would lay next it was crazy because i was laying next to her all night and it's like you know if you get if i get the flu i was like fuck oh yeah so it would just be like coughing and i just lay there just being like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
we'll see what fucking happens yeah it's powered through the whole weekend it's pretty there's a lot dude and then they fucking canceled two shows over the snow it snowed an inch and a half enjoy which to be fair at first i was kind of salty because i was just like dude this is not that bad but they didn't really ice they didn't uh salt the roads and it's it's like you're releasing it i think it was like 350 the club so you'd be releasing like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
let's say at least 500 drunk drivers at night into the ice. So I was kind of like, yeah, that's fair. But when people were like, oh, McCusker fucking canceled because of a little snow, I was like, fuck that. I don't care, dude. I don't care what people say. How long did that take? 30 seconds. I grabbed my phone. I was like, for the record, the club canceled. I felt like such a dumbass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I was like, damn it. I showed my hand. It was instantly people like, fuck you, Fairweather, McCusker. Fairweather, McCusker.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Oh, yeah, it wasn't, whatchamacallit, Collins.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I could see why someone in school called him that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
What do you what do you are you just going through just like?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Are you talking about the blonde dude?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I don't know any, I don't know a lot of hair metal. I wanna rock. Rock. Okay, there you go.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
i know it i don't know yeah i never i never caught on with me that like genre music it sucks no it got me for a little punk yeah punk in general yeah i never i was uh i would i wouldn't say me and my uncle had an argument but me and my uncle were skateboarding the other day dude it's crazy dude he's like 52 just still living it's ripping it pretty hard but i was telling him they're they had a speaker and i was like people are blasting music and i was like dude 90s
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
early 2000s, where I think the golden era of skateboarding music, and he was just quiet. He was like, got quiet for a little bit, and then after we were done, he's like, yeah, I don't know about that, man. It was definitely the 80s.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
no no no the video game the video game when skating like got huge yeah yeah yeah yeah that's i was like because i was i that when i'm like when i go to the pump track i'll hit the headphones and listen to like oh i just go there skateboard and listen to music i listened to when i was like 13. it's so sick what is it like blink what's the what's the genre 3 11. that's from money money ballstones is that it though from boston a real big fish yeah maybe sellouts real big fish real big fish they were great boston's are nasty too
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I never told her I couldn't jump on her.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I'm in that big brass sound right now. I've been listening to Blood, Sweat, and Tears. Did you ever fuck with them? No. Brother. What are they up to? Just that big brass sound. There's a lot of horns and shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You got horns going? I'm getting some horns going, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I can really nail it. If I wanted to, I can nail it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I'll be kicking myself on the drive like, dude, I could have trumpeted so much better on the floor.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Surviving the Holocaust must have been crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I mean, if someone rushed me, I would have.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It would have increased the pressure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
And I'm not trying to sound like a baby. I, like, didn't really eat all day, too, so... You didn't really eat all day, and it was fucking freezing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You think it's sus? What the fuck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Dude, the weirdest part was I had never really kicked a field goal before. I had no idea if it was going to go anywhere or how it was going to move. You did so well. I was pleasantly surprised, yeah. It was the boots. The key was the snow boots. You got to bring the boots. And the straight on. I just did the, that guy tried to do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
No, the kid who fell like did like a, he like walked to the side. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
He tried to like really hoof it with like the inside of his foot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That's when you get your leg up to there. Yeah, man. Yo, you can just elevate straight up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Although it is your leg, to be fair. You are accurate.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I just saw a clip of the slap league.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
So did I. Did you see the fucking dude who got knocked out in the last one?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I actually watched the whole episode one time, and I didn't see a lot of people get knocked out. Maybe it was just the one I watched. I watched a clip of this dude getting knocked out on a slap, and it's funny because they just cut to Dana White, who's just in a chair like, oh.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
it is just so sick to like you know he's got a lot of stuff going on and he makes just like i guess a couple hours every week to go sit in a chair and just watch men get slapped in the face yeah he created that it's or i guess he bought it or whatever i heard tony and marie maddie were down there like let's do a commentary like hey we can make this funny and stuff and dan was like it's not funny it's a serious thing and i'm trying to get it like a real sport they're like it's a sick fucking sport it looks like it reminds me of like a medieval bar game
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It's funny talking to literally a genuine Holocaust survivor. I'm like, you survived kind of sus. And they're like, what?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah. Just fucking, dude, it was. And they talk shit to each other.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, you know, oh, fuck. I'd quit so fast.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
yeah this is like yeah you know what i actually quit you went forfeit you already got the check you're like yeah you know what man i don't need what are we even doing here what's the point of this just put out my bad on that yeah i was disheartened today to see the uh cameron jim jones beef i didn't know they're beefing beefing hard as hell dude oh damn cameron and jim jones you know dip set
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah. Purple Haze. Oh, yeah. Oh, right, right, right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Dude, the... So what's their beef? Jim Jones was like... Oh, I listened to it today. Cameron laid out the whole thing. He didn't... Obviously, he didn't want to do this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Jim Jones was part of the diplomats, but apparently they... I didn't know they were beefing, but now it's like... Doesn't sound diplomatic at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I guess that was, like, his nickname. And they were saying it was, like, really a weird detail, but, like, he was trying to, like... They were just going back and forth. Like, I think Jim Jones, from what I believe, he was saying, like, I started that shit. That was basically me. I think he was trying to paint himself as, like... I was more of like the underworld kind of like... I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Whatever. But he was painting himself as like that was kind of me, like the brains behind it. Then Cameron today, it was pretty brutal. It was just like, dude, you were just a fan of ours. And the only reason we talked is because...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
you're apparently his grandmom died or his mom died or something he was like yo my grandmom died free house and then like they're like okay dude it's kind of weird you're like invite us over your house and then the camera was like you know what though it was a free house so i started like bringing bitches over and just fucking him and jim jones's dead grandma's house oh man with that smell you never fucked a bitch until you fuck her where she can go like yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
yeah but he was saying basically like you were just like a weirdo he tolerated and then so mean it was really such a bummer to find out yeah it was tough you were the one in the friend group i thought it was a wild card myself it was a wild card maybe maybe still is i don't know but it was funny because apparently it was a beef from like 10 years ago that got resurrected so it is sick to be you know you guys look it's never too you're never too old to beef
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It's a funny joke. Just the word suss in Holocaust survivors is so funny. You just went through, like, bore witness to the most horrific condition, and your, like, shitty fucking grandson's like, that's actually kind of suss. Yeah, dude, were you fucking gay? Is that how you did it?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
you're like 50 years old trying to do your podcast and all of a sudden someone starts beefing with you like that it's like bro can we please we already beefed about this so long ago and he just pretty much devastated him pretty badly he's like I don't want to do this anymore and I was listening to him like Jesus Christ I'd be so mad it's tough to be hard at that age yeah dude yeah true you said it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
How are the boners? Can we talk as like guys right now? How are the boners going for all this?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It's a little more submissive that morning.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Dan, so you're getting like rock hard next to me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Did you ever talk to your dad in the morning? He had a boner. If you were in your dad's bed in the morning, your dad had a fucking boner. Or at least a semi.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, it just never really stopped, man. I remember I would get woken up in the morning for school and I had a boner. And now it's like you're woken up in the morning. It's like, damn, I've been trying to hide my boner in the morning since I was like fucking 12. I've not gotten a break.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Dude, I literally had that last night. Last night I was like, yo, I think I might have reached a new level. And I went to the bathroom and I was like, meh, same old guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You bend it? You're a little pressure player myself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, what if you caught the pinch? There's got to be a point where, like, the nerve pinches and you're like, ow. Oh, yeah. They reach that point. True. Just go past it into fucking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Guys suffer in silence when the boys need to be there and get them hard as fuck again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Bro, start taking maca. Take like two tablespoons every morning. You'll forget about it and wake up the next morning and go, the boners are fine. They're fine.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, it's like the Fortnite dance. A lot of little kids.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
No, I'm not mad. I'm just trying to paint my reality to you, which is like, what am I going to do?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I'm just letting you know how I feel. Trust me, I'm not mad. I don't know. What am I supposed to do? Just feel like this? This is crazy. I've been thinking about setting up the menu. I might start setting up the menu where it's monthly. I'm telling you. Let's take a look at the apps. What's the soup of the day? What am I getting this month? Can we just talk about it in advance?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
What I've come to is two sex. I don't think that's crazy to ask for. Two sex is a month. That's fucking crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
They really do do those things. Like if you go somewhere, there's kids just busting out the same thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I'm talking about the minimum dollar menu. Two HGAs and one beach. A beach is nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, it's kind of actually upsetting that all kids now talk exactly the same. Fortnite talk.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That's literally my passion you just brought up. I've been passionately crusading for the period blowjob. Whew. And it's like, I'm just in the dark. I feel like I'm alone, brother. I feel like I'm alone, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I want to see one of those videos. Black and white with just like shit written on a cardboard box. Thank you for holding space. We're holding space.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I will say, that's going to suck so bad to have sex with a guy when you don't really feel like it. Not like I don't want to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Not even saying like you truly don't want to, because then it would be off the table. When they're like, fine. It's got to be so... It's like nothing grosser. If you're not like in that sexual mood with all those hormones flying, you just watch a guy like... And you're just like, Jesus fucking Christ. Can I pie? Can I pie? No wonder The Handmaid's Tale was so successful.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I was on them, and then now I'm off them, and it's like they're starting to call to me again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I started thinking about the Bible. I'm like, they had like 25 fucking kids.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Dude, it's fucking calling to me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
The crazy kids in high school. I had kids in high school that would pie. Your friends in high school that would pie.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I had friends that would pie in high school when I was like, dude, you're a savage, bro. I was terrified of pieing in high school.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Only when I get mad. I'm like a Latino. When I get mad, it comes out. My passion comes out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I'm pretty I'm pretty passionate right now. I'm still off the porn. I've been off the porn since January 6.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I mean, I always knew of the ampleness of that fucking squad, but I didn't know. I never really thought about it in terms of getting used to it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
No, I just I said this year, I'm like, I'm going to try to go back off. And I went off for a long time. And then I went back on being because I went back and forth. I'm like, I'm not going to quit something if there's no real reason to quit it. Then I went back off and I was like, I finally had sex last night. And I was like, I shouldn't say finally, but I had sex.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Oh, my God. Oh, man. Dude, I just can't stop laughing about trying to pull out of a woman having your butt in something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
We got to go our separate ways here. That'd be a nice Tim Burton movie. Imagine it like shot, like all weird, like Tim Burton, but everyone's butts are just blocking against the walls. That's a whole movie. Just Johnny Depp with a humongous butt. Just getting trapped.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Why are we doing this? Yeah, he was. That was unbelievable. It was such a weird... What was the trial? Was it just like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That is good. There's got to be something cool about that, like going through the whole arc of the relationship and then getting to sue each other at the end of it. Suing each other and having a judge be like, yes, she was a bitch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Did she cut herself too? It's honestly. I'd rather a girl cut herself than shit the bed. Shitting the bed is uncalled for.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Cutting yourself is like, okay, you've obviously.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I was growing my beard in protest.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I told Brittany, I was like, I'm not shaving unless you look scary.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I've hit like, I think one eighth of my goal weight, 178. I'm trying to get to. Thank you for noticing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I mean, I have watched once, like a couple times when I was younger. I would just kind of like throw it up. Just like watch to see what I wanted to come back to when I came home.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I was pretty deep into it. What are you fucking laughing at?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Did you lose your ass in reparations?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yo, you lost your ass for real? What happened? There's a fucking white wife. There's a white wife in fact.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You know how you like foot train like young Chinese girls? You think you just get butt trained?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Create ops. I had very low confidence when I moved down here. Is it confidence? I don't think it's confidence. Sean said it. Sean said low confidence in eight.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
So why did you get dragged into conflict? Who wanted more conflict in your life?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
But he's Zandini. He's Zandini now. Wait, so why does he get a cool no-conflict name and he hits you with a negative one?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I'm not going to laugh at your jokes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Transgressive. Yes. That'd be a sick name for like a roller derby player, like a giant lady.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
that's nice people standing and talking at a bar and then at one at a time someone would go up while no one listened to them let me ruin the vibe while you guys are talking no one listened dude when I the Raven when I started comedy was run by H Foley and Chris Cotton RIP and if you like even whispered you'd have one of them like, shut the fuck up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
They were yacked out of their minds. They were so drunk. They were going nuts. They would get hammered the whole... It was so good, though. It was this tiny black box of a room, and it could fit maybe 40 people. It was so fun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
He wasn't as big. He was still a young tadpole.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Chris Cotton was a big dog, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That was a lot of big dog energy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It's an enforcer. Yeah, an enforcer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I told you about the guy when I worked for an electrician. We all would go to a bar afterwards. It's where he paid everybody and he did all of his like hirings there. And this one guy came in.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
She's fat as fuck my boss was also pretty poorly as well And he looked at the dude a guy's like starts hand him his resume cuz I don't know you're hired and the guys like it You serious again eat someone here fatter than me The funniest I've ever seen But back to the pornography and you yeah, oh yeah, I wanted to say that it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Do you used to watch roller derby on TV?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, I didn't know what to think about it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Wow, wow, Wes. Yes, my legs feel so smooth right now. Why? I don't know. It's just my skin. It just feels fucking... Your skin's glowing. I haven't sat like this, I guess, since last week with my...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I don't head out L.A. way very often. You gotta do it. I noticed Andrew Schultz was in a... He did like a lot. He did this one podcast where he had to like... It was like him versus... It was like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
him just first like four black dudes and they're trying to attack him for uh i don't know if that was a whole thing oh it was ryan clark who's that uh ryan clark he's uh he's actually the man yeah he's he's lit he's lib but he's a good bro it's a good bro yeah yeah they were they were trying to get him and he was like dude you've literally had people because that thing he said about like he's like you literally have people on here beating black women well we we pressed him on it but you know they asked to edit it so we let them that was it's pretty smart of him
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I know a couple people. I think it's a blood type thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It was funny, though, just watching him do battle. Just black podcast battle is, like, pretty sick. Schultz will go in.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
He fully did. It was fun to watch. Because I was following it loosely, and I was like, damn, they're fucking really giving it to him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I mean, but if you have, he had the, you know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Like, we didn't ask you any questions.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Although they could goad you into an epic white spaz. That show is designed to evoke crazy white spaz.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
They'll bring the lady. That lady who zooms in, she's like an agent.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
No, it's just this lady who zooms in.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
To be fair, she's arguing with zero facts, which is impressive. She just cuts off. She just cuts off and just goes like, does the classic, like, no, no, no, just answer my question. You're like, yeah, well, obviously. You're like, okay, that's all I got to say. You're like, what the fuck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
True, that kind of is their thing. Fuck yeah. They're just nothing but Doctor Strange portals the whole time. You're like, wait a second. How the fuck did we get to this subject? Where am I? But yeah, that was kind of my week at YouTube. How was fucking... I had a great week. Yeah, how was the fucking ranch?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Dude, that's just where she paces, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
If you start moving like a military platoon, like you have like a chaplain, you have a coach.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It's kind of my bro right now. It's in my blueberry bush.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Dude, you had Kaitlyn Clark, a priest. That's like a, it sounds like a bar joke. It really is. It's like an Australian, a priest, and Kaitlyn Clark walked into a green room.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
You should have had either Nate LeMay or just walk by her and go... Space Invaders. That'd be a sick Space Invaders.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, I did. I ID'd it right away. Let me see. I'll show you a picture of this guy. He's pretty spooky, dude. You got to let him chill.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Oh, I got what you're saying. So they weren't out. They were not there for real.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Dang. So they were not there at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Biggie Smalls done with the rain out?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
You're just talking about refreshments, cool refreshments.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
The Wags of Columbus will come play. Then they saw her like, damn, he has the queen babe. He has the queen babe of the Midwest here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
But you're jumping. Yeah, I just jumped. So you were in... How long did they hang? They just came back to peek on you? Like, what was up?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Neon green spider. Oh, he's great. He's a good guy. Looks like a little shamrock spider. What kind of spider is that? I forget what it's called. I have my family. I sent it to my little nephew. He gives me my buggy IDs. He ID'd it. Let me see what I got here right now. Go hit the family chat. Man has been active actually in here. Oh, here it is. Sphinx. He called it a sphinx spider.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Dang, dudes. Who are the Blue Jackets?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Okay. What did they change it from, the Gray Jackets? Well, that was the Atlanta team, and they got canceled. So they're the Union Blue Jackets.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
like a wasp that's blue that's i was wondering i thought it was some sort of bee reference i was like i gotta get up on my fucking bees i was like what kind of what kind of uh what's a blue i was trying to imagine like a blue bee i was like i don't know if i know about that damn that sounds like a good weekend great weekend very chill weekend got to take him let me like it we went to st elmo's steakhouse in indianapolis
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I don't like horseradish. It just, like, hits your nose and then goes away. It was so yummy. It was so good. I don't like it, man. I like habanero. I like peppers. I went to St. Elmo's and just kind of, like, bothered them. I was like, I just want to have the shrimp thing, and I ate that and left.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Although, he is like seven, so he could be fucking wrong. A sphinx, he might be wrong. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
But, yeah, that stuff, I mean, to ash a shrimp of cocktail sauce.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
What's that website where you can order like food? What's like the Uber Eats where you can send a dish from like across the country?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Gold belly. We got a gold belly. What is this?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
sounded like thanks dude i found you would love this book i found the book on amazon i was sitting there i don't know what i was doing i was like watching tv with my family and i was like dude has anyone ever written a book exclusively about farts like the science and nobody has i haven't i haven't seen it at least like a scientific yeah like you know how it's like you know how do they start like what exactly what are they what happens if you hold them in like just stuff you'd want like everything you'd want to know about them which by the way i don't think that book exists
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Dude, if you wear his ties and gold bellies in cocktail sauce... I'm just going to wear his ties and go... Yeah, exactly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, true. I was talking to... Who are we kidding? I was talking to like one of our friends and they were, he was, he was putting me on a gold belly a couple months ago. And he's like, dude, we're going to get this cake made out of donuts. And he's like, tell me all the shit he was going to get. And then like within the next, we like change topics.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
He's like, dude, tell me I have fucking high blood pressure. It's like. It's probably just genetics. It could be a donut cake. You had somebody fly to your house. It was killing me. He's like, yeah, I mean, it's just, you know, we can't really do anything about it. It's like, bro, you're scheming across. You're like trafficking fucking donut cakes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Such a sick move, though, to be like, bro, it's out of my hands. I don't know. But anyway, this gold belly. I'm going to get a cheesesteak from Philadelphia sent to my house.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It's like FedEx next-day delivery with dry ice, basically.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
The fact you got to cook it kind of pisses me off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
What do you think he's fibbing about? I think you're getting a cheesesteak from fucking down the street. Yeah, it's probably a ghost kitchen that sends it to your house with dry ice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, that's good stuff. That works. True, that's a good... I'm just saying, I'm surprised by my leg. Usually my legs hit my other leg and I go, ew, get that the fuck off me. Yeah, it's rough. My skin's dry as shit. At all times. Is it high right now? I got fucked. I was in Omaha last weekend. I got all dried out in the cold.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
You were on the frontier of Gold Belly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It was cracking me up to be like, dude,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
i don't know i think it just takes all the joy out of it it's like you know especially if you want something yeah if i want to like a cheesesteak from philadelphia then it just sits in dry ice and i have to assemble it myself it's like you know dude just go take a walk man go outside this episode is brought to you by better help these days you have to be smart with your money if you're gonna make a big purchase you gotta make it count what's something what's something you bought
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
dude i just uh invested in two bug tanks i got two bug tanks from national geographic so they got a little magnifying glass on them i got not one but two what type of bugs are you gonna put in there uh right now we've only gotten some roly polies so you can throw them in there create their natural habitat and you can kind of like i'd like to see what roly polies are up to bro i got i had i catch i catch like me and my daughters catch like four roly polies a day and put them in my garden
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It's awesome. I have so many roly poly. So, yeah, I got the bug tanks. Nice, man. Otherwise, you had to carry them in your ever try to carry a roly poly in your hand for. Yeah, they fucking they get their escape artists. So, yeah, I got some bug tanks. It's been, you know, 30 years.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
But I did find a book about – this guy self-published a book on Amazon called Never Trust a Fart. And it's six – Six short stories of shitting himself?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah. I think it's nice. I think it's a nice thing to do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Of just his like bros, their like best shit themselves story. Dude, I was cackling. That's a great idea. It's unbelievable. And it's like the guy who wrote it, it's very like – I don't know how to explain it. You know when like –
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I can't even, I honestly can't think of a way to explain it, but he just, I guess he not like uses cliches, but he uses like, and like Dale is a red blood, like any red blooded American man has had a close brush with, you know, and he like, dude, it's so funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
At least he got rid of his underwear. Dude, the stories I'm reading, everyone fails to ditch the shitty underwear. One guy goes on a date. He's in college. He's on a date with this girl, and it's set long enough ago.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
dude this is crazy man everybody does the same thing you wait until the date's over and then you uncork one he was on his way to the date he was walking over and like yeah all right right before the date you gotta let it out and he was late he was running late and you get enough backstory where he builds up the characters he's like he was dale's a hard-working man he's working two jobs any hard-working man has to eat fast food there's no way around it and his stomach was like and he uses a lot of like gurgle gurgle block and he's like he's he's hemingway
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
He personally managed to go back upstairs. That'd be kind of sick, though. Just, like, the corner of, like, 23rd and Sampson in Philly. Just, like, Shake Shack. But you walk in, it's just all people standing, ice-cold lagers. Where in Philly? Like, right where Shake Shack is. Is that, like, 22nd and Sampson? Oh, okay. But it's just, you go, it's fast. No bullshit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It's just steak, and there's, like, two or three types of beans. And it's, like, you ever have steak at, like, a Mexican restaurant? Yeah. It's not, like, the primest cut.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Just, like, almost gray. Just a shitty, very bad steak. Yeah. Sometimes, though, it can be good. Yeah. But, yeah. It's a cafeteria burger. Yeah. You can do the Salisbury. You can do the Salisbury.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Dang, just like a serve-yourself ladle of some chunky? Bro, just nothing but diarrhea.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, true. Oh, that was also since steak and beans.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
True. You use AI to hear stuff that's slightly sus and is an animatronic Chuck E. Cheese type. It's like, that's actually very gay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Or just live stream your seasons. Where you're playing and they just broadcast it, the fucking MLB show.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I'm telling you, bro, it's a million-dollar deal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Ice cold beer. The coldest beer allowed by law. Don't talk about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
They're so good. And it'll be like, and then he gambled. He thought he could get away with it. He goes, I got this one licked. And it was just like splat. And he just shit himself already late. Goes into the door. This is the first story. I won't give away the other ones. I've read four. And after the fourth, I'm like, I think I get it. So I read the next one. I'm like, this is so fucking funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I had to buy outfits. Oh, yeah, you can.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, get some golf pants from Dick's.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
When you said the Masters, I didn't think you'd maybe be walking around in tight pants in Georgia the whole time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Oh, dude, just having that loom over the gerbzo all day of just the eyes hitting his cup.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
69. Oh, that's going to be perfect.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
They probably got those trailers. Yeah, they probably got the trailers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
People get wrecked at the Masters. Isn't that supposed to be like a... I would imagine, dude. Dude, golfers are, no offense to them, but total degenerates. For sure. So they're going to be... Yeah, people are going to be getting fucking hammered.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
But he shit himself heading up to the date. It was already late. The girl was all made up in the dorm room with her roommate. And he was like, oh, guys, I'm sorry. I hit the bathroom. And he took off his shitty underwear. It was all contained. And he saw this big window out of the dorm. He could have thrown the shitty underwear out, tried to flush it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
People get probably quiet. I mean, dude, those like scotch and sodas are probably going around. You'll see a lot of red faces. Towards the end of it, people are going to be probably pretty shitty. But you got to be quiet. That's the problem.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
And you move. If you're the crowd at the Masters... Yeah, you got to walk around.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Bro, I'm telling you to sit, just stand there all day, not even watching, but waiting for golf. It'd be insane.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I think I don't, I don't give a fuck about golf.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It'll be cool watching people that good at it from like a shoot from a close range. That'll be really sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I heard he's got the golf. Doesn't he have the indoor golf set up?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I mean, on the spot in a bar commentating golf would be so fucking hard.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
That's good. What was he like? Oh, Rory, real taking it. Oh, the nine iron. Here we go.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, that's a good choice for club.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
underwear the toilet backs up of course climbed out the window got on a tree and just escaped and the girls thought he was in the bathroom the whole time so then after like 35 minutes he wasn't answering so they called the fire department the fire department kicked down the door there was just shitty there was just shitty underwear floating in the toilet he just never talked to the girl ever again he's an apparition he literally there was a far demon it was a shit demon
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah. I'm actually pretty happy to hear about it. He's just crushing the indoor. Indoor golf, that screen is fun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Well, yeah, I mean, if you had one. It gets pretty old. Yeah, I guess, right. I got to do it for like 20 minutes at one time. I'm like, this is fucking fun. Yeah, hitting a golf ball is fun. Yeah. Although my, when I was doing it, it wasn't like picking up on the screen. It was pissing me off. But you're supposed to keep the front foot stable, I've learned. Yeah, I don't believe in those screens.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, being like, bro, you crushed that fucking 200 yards.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Put 20 bucks in. Yeah. They have the indoor. They have that indoor. You think that's fixed? Indoor golf league?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah. They're trying to make a big push. They're trying to push it. ESPN's really pushing it. Yeah, but I mean, if you think about it, it's so nice because it's like you just put some cameras, let them hit the screen. You're like, holy shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah. And it really is like guys who like to watch golf. If you give them another excuse to sit there. It kind of bothers me when I see people watch golf on TV, I'll be honest. I'll come in and it's just like, you see your uncle and you're like, come on, bro. Do something else.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It's like, dude, your wife's not here. You don't have to talk to her. You don't have to watch golf right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, that's the ultimate one, dude. That is a wife crusher. Just a Sunday golf show.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
You should have been like, just Google Newtonian physics.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I'll bring you to the quantum realm. Yeah, I feel like it's emotionally charged, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, it's called superposition. Jesus fucking Christ. Go watch What the Bleep. please do you ever see that no but the bleep came out it was like about quantum physics and everyone's like holy shit and it got like completely debunked you guys didn't get stoked on quantum physics when you're younger You didn't see What the Bleep? No. It's called What the Bleep Do We Know?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
And it was like, do you know that two particles can be in the same place at the same time? Or like two different places at the same time? And I was just like, I was like 25, just always high being like, holy shit. Then I watched the thing five years later. I'm like, that was totally debunked. I was like, God damn it. Yeah. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It's so simple. He's caught up in particle duality right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Not all of it, but the basic fundamentals. Please do. So the main thing it rests upon is the double-slip.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Look, the foundation... You're already brainiac. I've explained the double slit experiment to you before.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah. And it's a wave and a particle at the same time. Yes. And then he found out that, like... It's just all about clouds of probability. Even things you think are solid at their most fundamental, the quantum level, which just means the smallest thing possible. It's just every physical object that is very rude is a cloud of possibility that it could be in seven different places.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Is it a cloud of possibility? Yeah. According to that, the smallest particle, if you take an atom and break it down, break it down, break it down, it just turns into basically a wave that can be simultaneously in multiple places until you observe it and it fixes it there. Yeah. I don't know. That's a nutshell. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I've just the basics. I mean, if you really get into it, you have to be able to do like the most insane math. And the problem is, is like it actually technically has like predictive. They can use it. I don't know how to do this, but scientists can use quantum mechanics to predict things. but they still don't understand how it works.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
So it has predictive capabilities, but we still can't... The Austin scientific community still can't wrap their heads around it. I get it. But no, I don't know. It's just cool. It's cool to think about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Let me hear a jam. Get on this quantum jam. Get on the quantum jam. I'm more of a quantum computing guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I'm telling you. But I don't understand it. Just at the very root, physical reality is... Just, like, matter breaks down into something that people don't even know what the fuck it is. And it's, like, you know, pretty cute. Yeah. That's why, basically, it's proof of, like, spirituality and stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I don't know anything about dark matter. I read those fucking articles all the time on Google News. It's, like, scientists just came out. And you read it, and you're like, this... They didn't say anything. Yeah. It fucking got me again. Yeah. Finally, we understand. They did that with the... What's that fucking thing in the ocean that's like the blue spot?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It's like in South America, there's this thing in the ocean. It's like this deep, super deep blue spot that just out of nowhere goes in. They're like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
they've studied the blue spot and found out that there's more tornadoes now thanks to global warming it's like how the fuck did you guys come up with that they're like the dust the sediment on the ocean says that there's been way more tornadoes it's like dude where how are you coming up yeah i think i honestly think scientists are on if you want my honest opinion i think a lot of them are on some mega bullshit and they're just fake working so hard i think that's fair
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Dude, I have National Geographic. It comes to my house. Every time I read it, I'm like, pfft. You guys didn't say anything. I also just got to skim it, buddy. Bullshit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I get them. I get them in my house. My wife gets mad because I just get them in my house and I never read them. I get like Scientific American, Nat Geo. Are you sure you didn't get hit by the magazine guy? Huh? No, I do this to myself. Every two years, I spaz and I go, I need to start learning about what's going on. I need to read The Economist.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I send The Economist, I send them all to my house, and I just ignore it. I go, not right now. I just ignore them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Nat Geo, I'll do with my kids. I'll flip through Nat Geo. I'm like, look at that fucking thing, and just point to a leopard. Nat Geo's a good kid. Nat Geo's sick. Scientific, it's all right. But they really, they're just capping about space. It pisses me off. Always. They come out with shit about space. They're like, we still don't understand it. It's like, well, stop writing this fucking article.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah. You've said nothing this whole time. You got me stoked. I'm on the edge of my seat about dark matter. Still don't know what the fuck it is. Pisses me off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I mean, though, if you think about it, though, imagine the fucking...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, but imagine the quantum goon station.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
You went to the Super Bowl in sixth grade.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
He's just on the other side of the wall, interstellar, like, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Their house has just as much dust in it. The dust storm.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I thought you were just at the Super Bowl.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
No, dude, I'm telling you, it's an archetype.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Dude, a guy who was taking his family in. I will spoil another story. He was taking his family to the game. He's like, I got to take a dump. And he's doing like a quick walk away. And his wife had just given him a talk about like no letting kids pull your finger and farting. Like we got to set a better example for our kids. He's like, for sure. No more of that. For sure. And he goes to run.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
And the funniest part is every guy, the way he describes guys getting away with it, being like, yeah, I didn't shit myself this time. And then he'd just be like, oh, no. And it was cold out, and he just tied his sweatshirt around his waist and just sat. He ditched his boxers, sat like that. And his whole family was like, are you cold? He's like, I'm fine. He was contained in the mess.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It's football weather. But even him, dude, he didn't... What would you do if you shit your pants in a parking lot? You'd throw them somewhere else.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Stashed them under the driver's seat of his car. And then his daughter, who was a teenager, has her learner's permit. She's like, I'll drive home. And she opens the door and everyone's like, oh, my God. And he just kept being like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
must be a dirty diaper i don't know what it is and she reached back to pull the seat back and just hit the shitty drawers and was like and they'll eat dude the why how mad the wives get in these stories it's so i i sympathize with the the wives i'd be furious dude just go throw your fucking underwear somewhere else yeah it is i mean dude i'd never trust a fart it might be a literary masterpiece so good yeah i have to check that out
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I wanted to bring it so I could just give you a... The passages are so funny. Yeah, it'd be nice. But I won't spoil it for everybody.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Last year, carnivore diet shit my pants.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I think so. Dude, the stats on it are staggering, dude. It's like 10% of the adult population shits themselves every couple months. It's something insane. When's the last time you shat yourself?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
They let you do a different background. They should let you just do a whole different face. That way you're not staring at your own face.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Last week we stopped the podcast and he shit for a half an hour. We had to wait. He tried to go across the street.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Two shit breaks. Tried to go across the street to shit. On the clock. Tried to go across the street. We had a bathroom right there. Like, no, no, no, no. You got to shit on the side.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It's so honorable to go there and be like, I'd literally rather shit my pants than be like, hey, can you do my podcast, Dave?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Podcasts are... Dude, they're like fucking kind of swaying elections.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
You think so? All right. I mean, it's also fucking sick because it's, you know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It's such a sick move, though, to just be like, yeah, I'm going to take a fuck. Although maybe he's just used to being lobbed up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
yeah he made out all right but he i think yeah i think he is every time he yeah puts anything out they're on his back in the crosshairs yeah they're on his fucking ass i watched the uh i watched the damon wayne's uh club shea shea yeah and he was like saying how you know he's like he was basically saying he's like dave was the only one out of our like our group who just kept doing he goes i can't do it anymore he's like if i do he's like i can't say all those guys steve harvey they want to they're like if i did a special right now it would just ruin my whole life
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
it's like just do it dude do it yeah do it fucking do it i actually talked about that we talked about steve harvey for a little did you realize how great he is he is the man yeah although he got a lot of people people like the shit on harvey dude he's the man his morning show is so fucking good i love his morning show i didn't even know he had a morning show dude he's got the biggest morning radio he's got like one of the biggest morning radio shows of like all time
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Steve Harvey in the morning. Steve Harvey in the morning? Is it on the radio? It's on the radio. It's on, like, FM radio. But it's, like, syndicated. Dude, he's got, like... He's the radio god, dude. Steve Harvey in the morning? When was that? Is it still on? WD. It's on, like, old... You know how there's like Power 99, like young black people? He's on old black people radio, WDSF.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
for real pops you we had country the whole time and it was like i i didn't like it dude wdsl classic rock though it's brian mcknight 40 000 times a day and then it's that one guy goes i can't stop loving you that plays a thousand times and then it's just steve harvey all morning it's two songs and steve harvey steve harvey rules Yeah, he does roll. Club Shay Shay, man. How long can it go, dude?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It's hell here. I feel bad because I know my wife gets crushed. They don't touch me, man. I don't know what it is. They don't.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I think he's trying to recapture the Cat Williams episode. Because you can tell he wants the beef, dude. Nobody wants all the smoke.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Wow. Wow. Here we go. I can't believe you guys got a new camera. Hey man, dude, it's sad. I bought that months ago. Is it like nice? It's pretty nice, yeah. There's gonna be a clear picture now for the boys. Crystal clear, dude. Wow. Yeah, I got nervous too. Remember the old one you still like zoom out of nowhere? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah. It's so funny. Oh, what, did you just hit a lick? And they're like, no, no. Yeah, it's all that. It's, dude, those guys. Brandon Buckingham apparently got, like, wrapped up in, like, a shooting. He was another guy. He was like, he did like, I think he did like Skrilla and all these neighbors, like inside the most dangerous neighborhood.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
His dad was in the picture. I've watched like seven Skrill interviews.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He does rule, dude. I've messaged him before. Did I tell you what happened the one time? Yes. So, yeah, like I saw I was watching him on a Kensington live feed. Yeah. I had to tell him. I was like, bro, if they got the drop on you, dude, you better get out of there. Did he respond? Yeah, he talked to me. He was like, that's crazy. I was like, bro, I'm watching you on a live stream on YouTube.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You're whereabouts. That's awesome. And then I'd watch him go into the bar he was going into. Then I'd watch inside the bar on his Instagram live. It was crazy, dude. But yeah, he is the absolute man. But his thing was he works with a bunch of other. He just works with all these different gangs. And then he would like surprise guys and put them on the same track.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And they would like spaz because they were like, you know, the ops, the ops. And he would just not tell them and put them on the same track. And they'd be like, what the fuck, dude? He's the man. I love that guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I had no... I, like, when I was on the flight, I got the text, and I was like, wow, all right. Yeah, I just thought about it, and I was like, I'm just going to look at that ball and kick it as hard as I can.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, true. Well, it's funny, too, because they're young as fuck, dude. They're like 22, 23. Just get the bag, dude. I'm rooting for them, dude. I hope they do well. Yeah. I need Skrilla, dude, to not die from drugs. All those guys, dude, when you watch like a million dollars worth of game, it's just those two dudes, Gilly and Wyla or whatever. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
just talking to dudes like they did the Kodak Black episode and he just the dude's just like dipping out he's so hot yeah Kodak's unfortunately very fucked up right now did you see when he threw a pill up in the air on I think it was Kai Snott yeah that was a little twitch for the itch or something a little glitch for the twitch he wouldn't leave and he called it he wouldn't leave though Kai Snott was trying to get him to leave and he was like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Dude, fucking NBA young boy was the same thing. They did a thing for him and he'd just be like, yeah. He was so fucked up he couldn't talk. And they were like, listen to me. It was a really moving speech, man. He talked to Kodak Black and gave him a speech and I was like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
was like damn that's actually yeah very moving but yeah dude you guys can't do the i tried to warn my black friends a long time ago so guys the white the pills came for us dude we felt it was winter for a long time don't make the same mistake and they're like nah bro i'll be on these things forever i'm like it's not gonna work out that way dude you're gonna be a junkie but yeah damn shame it's a goddamn shame dude but dude the notice part the notre dame game
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I told you I saw the funniest thing I've ever seen because I was sitting in like there. I was sitting near a lot of Indiana fans because it was like, you know, it's in Indiana or whatever. And I had the SDI hat on, which is red. So a lot of Indiana fans thought I was repping Indiana. So I was just like sitting with them. And then there was like these Notre Dame fans.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It was like three early 20 something kids with like a 50 something year old dad. And when they scored that, like that one run, like early on. The like the Indiana guys are like yelling stuff and then like nothing crazy. But this one kid, Notre Dame fan turns around to like an old man in decked out Indiana gear and goes, fuck you. Dude, like, you know how close everybody is? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
No, I didn't. Like, if I touched down Jesus with thousands of people. No. I didn't know anything about it. Millions of people watching. No clue until I got there. And then you're like, dude, it's like a big show. And I was like, right on. And I just stuck to my guns. I told you. I told you. And I did. I for real, especially the moment of kicking it. I had literally I had zero nerve.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He was like right here in this man's face, screamed at him, double bird to the face. And I was just like, oh, that's great. And dude, I was like, it was the funny and the old man was like, no, no, don't say that to me. It was a fucking funny. And then the kid's dad was like. do that, knock that off, and it was so funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'm surprised, because I think that guy had his kin with him, some relations. You would think that someone would have been like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Okay. It's just one row. One row's not bad. You just scoop them down. But dude, this guy, his dad, he was like humiliating his dad. His dad obviously brought him and his two friends to the game. The whole time, it was kind of funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
They should separate the sides like a high school game, dude. That's crazy the way they do that. But this guy, so finally his dad shamed him and apologized. He turned around and he's like, I'm sorry, sir, that wasn't appropriate for me to do that. That's nice. It was nice, but I'm like, all right. He wasn't sincere. His dad got up to leave, and I saw he popped his phone up in a group chat.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He was like, I just said fuck you to this guy behind me, and my dad got mad. What a pussy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
that's mr disrespectful that's a young disrespectful totally mr disrespecting everybody he was and then he you just every play you just yell shit out but you know i was that was uh that was so fun it's too bad though because indiana they're not really the ops yeah man penn state's the ops i know dude this is the game this is it This is the ultimate game.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Pennsylvania might break out in a civil war. Pennsylvania will go crazy. This is the most stressful game possible. They got to beat them, bro. They got to do it for those kids. I agree. Although, both sides. No, no, no. That's what they all try. That's how nasty these Penn State fans are. They're like, yeah, what about the Catholic Church? You're like, dude, Notre Dame's its own thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That's why we need his teachings even more. Even, you know, all men fall. Yeah. So we do. Yeah, don't disgrace the teachings. But yeah, that's true. What about the Catholic Church? It's like, nah, dude. Don't fucking bring them into this. First of all, that's different. That's different. That's different. We all know that's different. That's so different. That's family business.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That's so different. All right? They were being weird, bro. They were being weird as fuck. Yeah, dude. We used to chop virgins' heads off and kick them down the altar. People are going to catch some strays in the church.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I mean, dude, that's the thesis of that book.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That's the thesis of Dominion. Apparently, every abolitionist movement early on was tied to the Catholic Church. Where's he going?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Just in time, bro. Just talking about worldwide.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, but that'll be a huge game. That's not the championship.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Ohio State's very good. That's a perfect little treat for me. I wanted you to have a little treat. That's a perfect little caffeine treat. Dude, I'm so going on the caffeine, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
telling you dude my level of secret buzz i've always been uh looking for a secret buzz during the day but it's i've been getting just atrocious with like who's what's up with weed how's that going i so how's that for a secret buzz i've taken a huge sabbatical from weed but i have found these mints and you know everyone likes to fucking milligram mug everybody else yeah i'd like to do 50 and it's like whatever you do you
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
But I found these mints. They're two and a half milligrams. And that way you can kind of titrate the dough so you don't just get like thwacked out. Before, I would try it on a playground with my kids and you just get like wobbled on a plate. It's not a move. It's not the road to successful parenting. But a little 2.5 milligram, perfect. Yes. And it just – especially if you're out drinking –
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I take one with every drink, and it's like that way, like that fourth one hits, you're in the 10-milligram zone, which isn't nothing crazy, but it's enough to give you the Jiminy Cricket on your shoulder in terms of drinking because it's like, man, that ball rolled away for me in Boston, dude, and I got... What happened? I was in Boston. My cousin met me up there. You got fucked up?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It was a while ago. To the point where they do those tours. Boston does those Paul Revere tours. They're like, ooh, this ancient fucking graveyard. It was actually sick. Me and my cousin were out there. We've been drinking all day. And we were smoking cigars in your graveyard. But you couldn't get in. We were trying to get in because it was fenced off. It was like an old, old.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Drunk smoking cigars on a billion of those mints I was just eating all day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And I was like trying to get in because they had like these candlelit tours and like this ancient graveyard. Yeah, that'd be sick. So I tried to get in the door. They wouldn't let us in. So we got in this other area where we could get like real close. But we, you know, we were like a little bit gated off. But then the tour came by.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's probably something like that. A guy was dressed like Paul Revere getting a tour.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Dude, it was kind of sick. We were sitting there. We were just sitting there puffing our stugs. Me and my cousin were hammered just sitting there. He was saying how Harvard...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
like in the early days of america would pay grave robbers to go dig up people's loved ones so they could examine their dead bodies oh nice it was like a weird job like a black market job you could just dig up dead bodies and sell them to harvard this is disrespectful it was a way of life it's truly a way of life and uh and so we're sitting there we're on the edge of the thing and i was like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yo, let's get it. Can you get us inside? I wasn't even part of the tour. I was like, can we get inside? The guy is the part of your guy was like, no. And I was like, oh, that's fucking lame. And then they're like, moving on. But I did see I saw two or two or three young bros on city bikes. And they were like, I was talking to them. They're listeners of the podcast. And I was.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
hammer there's these two girls over there i was just doing like the old guy thing of like bro go talk to those about you guys if i didn't have a wife i'd be talking because i was sure the girls were getting loud and i was like they're just acting up bro they're desperate for your attention man they see you on those city bikes they want you guys to ride over like you want to come to fenway with us and i was like strongly considered yes i gotta go man
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
get a city bike it's like a five mile ride and i was like i better go inside but yeah i got i woke up with the worst hangover possibly it was like the the weed didn't the alcohol won yeah but those weed edibles were still because i don't know i was drinking were you drinking liquor or something Yeah, I was drinking liquor, ciders, wine. I was drinking everything. You were doing it all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I was doing it all, dude. And we went to the Cheers Bar.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
So funny, dude. Shit rocks. We went to the Cheers Bar. My cousin's wife was like, I know this is stupid, guys. I really want to go. We're like, no, no, no, it's not stupid. As soon as we got there, we're like, wow, so cool. But once we got in there, it was like, it's hard to get seats in there. And we just, it was like, it's actually kind of an aggressive place. Everyone's trying to get to the bar.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
it's honestly i don't know i don't want to talk badly about the cheers bar but it wasn't all that it was cracked out to be but we actually got to the bar and it was it was like kind of a hard thing to do and um it was just a stroke of luck and once we dug in there i just was crushing draft ciders like i couldn't stop it's fun time it was so it was cheers bar bro exactly what are you gonna do and they have things of normisms and whatever the guy
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, it was. You would love it, dude. You can pull in this bucket and it's just different. Norm is there's another ism. I don't know what character that was, but the normisms do hit kind of hard. So we would just pull them out, read them to my cousin's wife and go typical norm. Classic, classic, classic norms, man. Cheers. Nothing better than it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
yeah it was very fun but then i got kind of hammered there then they went our wives went out to like do something so we sat at that was oh i didn't tell you i didn't tell you about this so then we stood we said so then we go me and my cousin go to this like fancy looking like cavernous mexican place it was like you can upscale mexican place i just sat there and just crushed margaritas the bartender was attractive full disclosure
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
attractive yes maybe 26 year old bartender is pretty wild awesome and so we're me and my cousin are sitting there just cool just two old school players just chilling out max just chilling out max being normal as hell and like so then like we're sitting there drinking and then the guy next to us finishes his drink stands up shakes the bartender's hand peace
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And I was like, bro, that is the horniest shit I've ever seen. And mind you, she had made me custom margarita. Not a big deal. Nothing. Because she was like personalizing. Yeah. Well, she was like, what do you want? My thing is, is I go when I'm at a bar, I go just hit me with some crazy shit. I know you can dream stuff up. You go full mixologist. Yes. Hit me with a passion fruit margarita.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I mean, I think she was kind of sending me, you know, when a woman gives you passion fruit, anything she's trying to tell you something. But I was just trying to chill out, lady. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Not at all. She could have been an obese 40-year-old man. I would have treated her not differently at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
But then I'm sitting there and I'm like, tell my cousin, like, dude, is that not the craziest thing? He's like, that was pretty nuts to stand up and shake the lady's hand. So then finally, after like three margaritas there, I was like... Yeah, three margaritas. Three margaritas after, you know... You don't give her some head. Well, I had to ask her.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I was like, yo, just from my understanding of the world, was that... was that kind of nuts how that guy shook your hand? And she was like, oh, it was like one of my old coworkers. I was like, oh, fuck. Because I was like such a horny guy. I was just jealous he touched your hand. Yeah, of course.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I asked, bro. I asked, and I was just like, yo, that was weird, right?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
There's a golf course near me that I go to that they serve fucking fantastic tacos. The food is awesome. So we'll bring the kids there and let them run around. After the driving range shuts down, they just run around on that grass. We just crush tacos. But I didn't know that was a thing because I saw a lady driving a golf cart.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That game seems designed to just absolutely crush wives. It's so long. Yeah. It's so long, and it's just the bros. And they split it up. They go, hey, no, no, no. There's a girl's golf. There's a guy's golf. Something I'd love to get into, but I just don't have the time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Could I walk the grounds with a walking stick and not play?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
she fell in with the wrong crowd the club pro here took her under his wing she fell in with some caddies some tough caddies now she's a whore my cousin was caddying for a long time and he like got nasty at golf yeah he's i think he's like sub 80 that's pretty good yeah i'm always as good as it gets i hear about people going sub 100 i'm like damn bro
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, I was worried. I was like, that thing's taking time, Bob.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Well, I heard. I was talking about this to someone. They're like, no, you do pairs, best ball. Best ball is kind of fun. Yeah, and you just do nine holes. He's like, don't. 18 is crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It is a safe haven for drunk driving. It's so fun. But, yeah, dudes whip those things, too. Because I did feel bad because I'll unleash, like, the kids on the putting green. And, like, usually I'm there late enough where no one's on there. But the other day there was a lot of people on the putting green. They were just trying to do putts while, like, girls were doing, like, cartwheels around.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That's what I was saying. I was like, hey, man, sorry my kids don't do polite golf claps. Like, you got to. Yeah. You got to earn it around here. There was a guy, I was like, dude, it was actually like, I think it was like two days ago. He was working on chip shots. And there was, dude, there was like for real, like seven little kids running around. He was chipping it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And I was like, man, this guy must be confident. He's focused. Dude, he fucking just sunk it. Like on the, like he just sunk a hole in one chip shot. Showing off for the kids. I was like, what the fuck? I'd be so worried. I was going to crack a kid in the head with a ball. For real, dude. He like, he was hitting it hard enough to where I was like, damn, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, that golf course is the chill spot, though. Tacos, chill. You got to hit the range. I do. I hit the range every now and again. Oh, all right. I'm not bad, dude. I can hit it. I don't know where this came from. I can hit it straight somehow. Not with a driver. Driver is so hard. Driver, I've sent a couple out into the road.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
They're like, if you send it in the road, you're financially responsible. It's like, I don't think so, bro. Yeah. Pretty sure I'm hitting golf clubs at your business. I'm pretty sure you're the one with the insurance policy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, I'm going to be like, you see that cart? It fucking shot it out like a lawnmower. That wasn't fucking me. But yeah, dude, I've weirdly got better at sports as I'm older. It's bizarre.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
happens a little you slow down you're not as chill you're not spazzing you're not nervous exactly that dude i'm telling you that field goal kick i didn't wasn't nervous you had bro bro and all i could think about i was telling you was that quote where it's like it's like some chinese zen thing where it's like as soon as the archer thinks about the prize his mind becomes divided from the target
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And I was just like, dude, all I got to think about is the target. I was totally... You were locked in. I was totally locked in. If I made it, that would have been sick, but I was just happy I got it up into the air and moved. But it's like, dude, ping pong. Then I played ping pong that night. That was awesome. Me and James were playing ping pong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Well, the craziest, he beat me, and then I beat him. That was the best. And he came up, and he's like, I beat you the second. I'm like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, we did two sets of best out of three. He won the first. I won the middle. He won the second or the third, I guess.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He played great. But, dude, out of nowhere, we were fucking around. I was like, psst, psst, psst, psst. It was crazy, bro. It was unbelievable. It was exciting times. I'm telling you, man, getting, like, better at every sport and nearing your 40s is, like, it's kind of been a welcome. And it is. It's all mental.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's, like, I just don't care about, like, missing basketball shots.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I don't know, man. That was my greatest sports weakness. was the swing in the back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, now I don't care. I'd love a ball to hit me in the fucking head right now. Yeah, knock me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Charge the machine. Yeah, dude, I've been skateboarding fearlessly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And yeah, I felt really bad about that. I mean, he's got to be crazy too because he's, how old is he? I think he's probably like 70. Yeah, and he's, I didn't know. He might be older. Well, I didn't know, too, because I saw him on the screen. I didn't know who he was, and I was like, damn, dude, you should start wearing a hat. Like, you look. 73, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'll break bones. I don't want to slap my head up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Dude, I skateboarding. That would be funny for stand-up. It would be kind of fun. Yeah, broke my arm skating. Not a big deal. Dude, the pump track is like you drop in, and then you have to move your legs in a certain way to gain speed through the hills. Dude, you come up to the last hill. The really good guys hit it and get air and then come down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
But just getting to the top of that thing, you're going, and then you've got to come around like a little wall. Dude, you're literally going. You're leaning, and you're like, and my uncle, he does it with me. He's like 50.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
he was like nice he said he took a video his son my cousin freeze freeze like the video took a picture of my face like it looks like he's experiencing g-force because I'm like fully nerding out it's so funny do the skate park it's so hard
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
like physically i would do it like effortlessly when i was a kid yeah you get destroyed just like winded yeah from just like pumping your legs and like balancing your body skiing not for a long time it's gotta kill day two you're like oh shit my legs don't work you gotta be dead yeah i was doing an hour and 10 minutes of skateboarding my legs were fried for like two days it's pretty fucking eye-opening honestly yeah it's pretty crazy but dude once you get decent at it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's so sick. And then it's like, I try to like, I've been really trying to like stamp this part of myself out. But it's like, you see the other parents with their kids and you're skating. You're like, hop on the board, pups. Hop on the board, bro. But I try not to do that. What, make the other parents? It's just got to be funny because I'm there watching parents with their toddlers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Same kids my age. I'm ripping the skate park. And I almost want to tell them, I'm like, bro, grab the board. They're afraid to live free like you. Grab the board, bro. Yeah. Grab the board. Because I've talked to a lot of people who are like, I want to do it. I'm like, do it, dude. It's so scary when you first start dropping it. I'm never, ever, ever. It's so scary.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Just for the record, I'm never going near it. it's so scary and i'm not saying i'm not like shaming the dads i'm more talking about like covertly seducing their wives
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
are there wives there while you're skating and you're just like it's wives did you see that it's the worst domestic setup where it's little kids like little kids on those little zoomy bikes where like they don't even don't even have pedals there's like a small beginners kind of like bowl looking thing and then there's like the advanced pump track and it's just kids meeting their demise and then just moms freaking out at dads being like me watching them and just dads in hell
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'm like, you could really step into that look. That hat? Into his couture, the whole thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
and i'm just fucking right floating i'm just riding the way you got two milligrams in here and you're going damn yeah six thousand milligrams of caffeine and like a little bit of weed just going brother grab the board brother get on the pump track wait i just i am just kidding too i'm not thinking about seducing best wives but the thought has a fun joke it's a fun joke and the thought has crossed my mind like dude how nice it would be to have sex with people's wives no not that
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'm all about just getting that attraction and getting that energy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
There's a guy doing the pump track. Whoa, shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Don't look, babe. Well, you need enough speed. Otherwise, you peter out on the pump track, and that's embarrassing. And it took me three days.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I've slammed, dude. I slammed hard the other day. I don't know what happened. Like, when you come back up, I lean forward a little bit too much. If you zone out for a second, you're fucked. Yeah. I kind of zoned out. And, you know, again, doesn't matter at all. But there was just like lady skating with gigantic tits. And she's a lady with gigantic tits skating.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You know, you see people and you're like, you definitely have five.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I was in the hills. She was a youngster. She was a youngster. But I was it was like it was a guy. It was a young skater couple in love. But the lady was significantly better. And I shouldn't really be talking. I shouldn't be talking skate park confidential stuff. But like, but it was just a funny dynamic because like, dude, I was watching this lady.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
and then just be like what what dude these hats are cool this is how i dress it's how guys who like sports dress i didn't realize that was like a legendary coach he's the number he's the greatest coach of all time so from him it must be like you know you go on those shows it's like all right time to get fucking high-fived at a boy and you just get dickhead shows up i mean we do roast the ones we love though dude we do only
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You know, you see people like if you're a girl who skateboards, you have like colored hair and, you know, yeah, bosom. You probably have 500,000 Instagram followers. You know, that shit translates to Instagram so well. Yeah. But but they were holding down the skate park pretty hard. Just like the bully from The Simpsons. Like the skullcap and the hair. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'm thinking of dressing like Nelson, and you were kind of spot on. But again, I shouldn't. I'm being a gross pig. I'm just, you know, there's obviously, you know, I have dual natures. Yeah, this guy. I was thinking of Jimbo Jones. Oh, I was thinking more like the other guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's definitely big pants, but, you know, there was a tank. There was a tank going on. But my whole point was, it's like, you know, again, it's like... I'm not trying to be, like, gross or weird, but it does put a pressure when there's a young lady watching you do a physical activity. So I was just like, you know, there's that part of you that's just kind of like, bro, I'm killing it, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Not a big deal. They were way better than me. But I, like, leaned forward real quick and just, I don't know what happened. I was going up a hill. As I leaned forward, my skateboard stopped. You showed off for the young girl. I was like, whoo! Slammed onto the concrete. And I'd just be like, yeah, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
No, they're in their 20s, bro. Hold on, I got a whiz. Can we take a timeout? Polls. PrizePix is the best place to get real money sports action. With over 10 million members and billions of dollars in awarded winnings, PrizePix has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all. You just pick more or less on at least two players or for a shot to win up to 1,000 times your cash.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Run your game all season long on PrizePix, dude. Shane, it's playoff time. It is playoff time. It's now or never. It's now or never. Don't miss out on the last few weeks of football action with PrizePix, the best place to win cash while watching the playoffs. Oh, yeah. PrizePix now offers MasterCard for quick and easy deposits into your account this sports season. Yes. Good news.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Cook up hot takes with your friends and win real money this football season. Yeah, I feel like you probably will. I think moms. I like that. Definitely more than 1.5. Cook up hot takes with your friends and win real money this football season when you and your crew run your game on PrizePix. I mean, that's such a good thing. What a sick-ass crew we have.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Dude, download the PrizePix app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 instantly today. after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code DRENCHED on the PrizePix app to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix, run your game.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Also, please come to Atlanta this weekend. I'll be at the Helium Comedy Club in supposedly what's Atlanta, but apparently I've learned it's 40 minutes outside of Atlanta. Oh, yeah. A little different there, but it's in the greater Atlanta area. I'll be there Thursday till Saturday. Please come.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He only rose the ones we it's so funny though to be a 70 year old man Just didn't like the twilight of your years your legacy and then just be like That was you're just an agent of karma there had to been something I'm not saying he's a bad guy But I'm saying there's got to be just like there was some kind of equation that needed to be balanced Cosmically and you know you were you were there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Blows, dude. That was the best. It was funny, too, Gardini, just seeing it being like, I think it actually zoomed in on just your head for an hour. That's a good podcast angle, though. Two cameras set up, just maximal. Max face. Total Gordon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Didn't even flinch, bro. Didn't flinch at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'll be in St. Pete in Las Vegas in February. Please come if you can. You're going to be in Las Vegas in February? The Wise Guys in Las Vegas and Coastal Creative in St. Pete, Florida. That'll be fun. Get you down there. Valentine's weekend. Ooh, nice. Please, for the love of God, come if you can. Bring your sweetheart. Bring your sweetheart. Come watch me. All right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Fuck, man. It was, you know, look. It's a cold, mean world out there, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Bros are back, dude. Morale is fucking soaring.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He does Bud Light commercials. True. You guys should start really throwing your weight around.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
They think. Yeah, you guys should at least challenge one. Like a public beef would be nice. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah. Damn. Yeah, I mean, definitely 2025 is the year for major moves.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You guys got to crack a couple skulls, sacrifice some people. You guys should. I don't mean like physically. You guys should be at least two beefs by the end of the year.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Public beefs. Or, hear me out, spaz on the mothership publicly if you don't get enough spots.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That's a strong move to be like, this club hates me. They're not fair. Fuck them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Such a nice move. Like, yo, for real, I think they fucking hate me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
We got to. We got to start. I'm just taking cues from MAGA, man. We got to start infighting. Yeah, true. If you're not infighting, what are you doing? Yeah. We got to pick some point and just start fighting over it, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, that's your air, bro. Your air's back on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah. That was the other thing too. It's well known, right? That like a lot of people were.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Raccoons, dude. When you get a raccoon on your roof, it sounds like a grown person.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That's very nice. We had to tear up our little Trex deck area that we tore up and put stone down. And dude, I had to get like, there was possums living under there. There's Mexican dudes were like trying to catch them in the T-shirt. It was so fucking funny. They're fearless, dude. It was a mother possum and a baby possum. Oh, no.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Hell no. No, no, no. They were just they were sent on an exodus because there was nowhere for them to live.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
but like we were like we were like we ripped it up and it was like all right i know there's possums under here yeah like be careful so we didn't know there was a baby so like the mom was just going nuts we're like dude here's the road to freedom get out of here and it wouldn't leave they might have found their way to my roof they might hopefully that was one there was a dead possum in the front yard when i what first moved here yeah and that's when i was like that's why the house smells like it was probably dead animal yeah they're good for you though they eat snakes they eat bugs again or something oh
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
dude jackson fart castle dude jackson uh god our neighbors put rat poison there's the possum that we had under our porch our neighbors can't stand it because like it just shits and it like chills in our yard and shits in their yard yeah i've never even seen possum shit but apparently it was just shitting in their yard big time shit in their yard hung in our yard that's not it's really funny so they laid out a ton of rat poison for it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
There's our neighbors. They don't want all the shit in their yard. And I was like, hey, man, your yard is your yard. A dog's going to eat that immediately. Well, funny you say that. Jackson gorged. Of course, Jackson. We didn't know it was out there. He was gorging on rat poison? Jackson gorged on rat poison. Jesus Christ. And, dude, he lives again. He wants to go. Quarter pound.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Finally, the dude stopped limping. But then he just instantly gorged on rap. He ate a bunch of chicken bones from the dudes who were working on the porch. Just threw chicken bones everywhere. So he munched them. was, like, shitting out bones and throwing up, and then, like, during that crisis, went and just crushed a ton of rat poison. He said, I tossed a little rat poison on top of the bones.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It was crazy. Brittany called me. I was, like, doing something. She's like, Jackson ate rat poison. I was like, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, he's dead. You would imagine he'd die. I looked it up. I was like, fuck, all right, let's see here. I looked it up. You have to eat, I think, at least 5% of your body weight in rat poison to die. So Jackson, he only had... I was like, how much did he eat?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He ate like one puck. Yeah. Started for the second and got pulled off. But he was throwing up like chicken bones and like lime green rat poison. It was... Bro is troubled. Very funny. But he's good now. He's cool. He's better than ever. Legs working. I'm always a fan to hear what he's up to. It's never good. It's never good, bro. It's never good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He's had three chocolate breakouts, mushrooms once, low dose, edible rat poison. He's for real a psychonaut. He's crazy. He's done it all. He has done it. Truly has done it all. But dude, he's good though. He was thrown up for literally a week or so. I had to switch his food and everything. I was giving him chicken and rice for, like, weeks. So now I give him, like... That's good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, now I'm feeding him, like... He's fucking eating better than I do. Chicken and rice is fucking good, yeah. Because if you have a dog with diarrhea, the rice just, like, stops him up. Because he was shitting. He shit, like, everywhere the one morning. We woke up, and there was just, like, puke, puke, shits all in his bed. And he, like, pointed his ass out of the cage and just shot it out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I know, I know. But it's also like, you know, you can't like when I hear about like the flight gate and all that stuff, I'm always like, good. Like, as a good coach, you should be working.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
So we were like going around and dude, nothing sours a wife in the morning. Just like dog shitting. I mean, it'll get anybody. Yeah. That would fire me up a little, but yeah, it's, it's rough, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
No. Oh dude. Yeah. He couldn't be more mine during that time. Yeah. Granted it was both of our idea, but when he shits out of his mind, but the, uh, Dude, he... Actually, to her credit, she handled the shit mornings really well because it was the most shit he'd ever done. It was so much. Bro, there was so many spots. We just set up our Christmas... It was whatever. But he...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
yeah it was handled it was handled pretty well and then the so like that happened we're like cleaning it up and my kids are watching me and they're like what are you i'm explaining what's going on the one night we went out to see moana too and me britney and mine chloe chloe i didn't know you know we're in the dark so like we have like all everyone has all their stuff she was hitting french fries off britney's plate hitting french fries off my plate no she was working both of us we didn't know that she hit both plates so hard
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
she she ate so many french fries that that morning i go in her room she's just like she's just crying like five in the morning i'm like what's up she's like i did a yucky thing and i was like what are you talking about she's like like i did like jackson did on the carpet and i was she just threw up she didn't oh i thought she stuck her ass out in diarrhea but she just threw up all over the floor and she does if you leave her by herself she'll start trying to wipe her own ass and she just smears it it's the worst
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
We had to convince her. So we have to get, Brittany was like, cause I was like going in, I'm like, don't wipe yourself. And then she's like, I have a booboo on my shiny. And I was like, what? And she's like, Brittany's like, I told her she has a booboo on her vagina. So she won't try to wipe herself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Probably not good for longterm to be like, your vagina has a wound.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah. I think you couldn't go wrong being like, it's great. Women have a massive insecurity about what's up with it. How is it? Is it good? Same. Yeah, true. I always try to tell my wife, I say, babe, you got nothing to worry about. Let me get in with it. Let me gobble that fucking thing up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
all right all right sorry sorry sorry but we're just talking about you know but yeah that's you know so yeah it is one of those things where it's like dude i drop her off to do like her like her daycare and it's like we have to like give her pretzels in order for her to go in and i'm like man this is definitely set up some neural pathways that aren't great to be like oh you're feeling overwhelmed eat some pretzels you'll be fine just munch pretzels
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
But yeah, she's, she's pumped right now. She's on, she's like on this new thing where she's Ariel's mom from Little Mermaid. Yeah, that's very nice. Came up with it out of nowhere. And yeah, she's been hitting me with that every morning. Yeah, what'd she say? Weren't you just? Yeah, dude, I fucking, yeah, she woke me up yesterday.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Fucking, well, Maya woke me up at five in the morning and Chloe at six. I just never went back to sleep. Chloe woke up, has to pee, take her to the bathroom. She goes, I don't have to pay. And I'm like, you motherfucker. And then I'm like, all right, come to bed with me. No talking. Go to sleep. She's like, yeah, for sure. Lays down next to me. Dude, you get like two seconds of silence.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And you're just like, you know something's coming. And out of nowhere, she's like, yeah, I'm Ariel's mom. And I'm like, dude, shut up and go to bed. Stop. And then you'll squash that. And you'll feel just a hand just like whap right in your eye. You're just like in the dark. I'm like, ow, fuck. And she's like, ah. I'm like, dude, let's get upstairs. I'm done. We're not going to try to fall asleep.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It is. That was been like bugging me out lately with like because it really is people like, you know, having kids like it's the best thing in the world. Yeah, it is. It's very it's like uncomparable to anything else. But then you break down like what you're actually doing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
it's like insane it's like dude like literally like i've gotten shit on a couple times yeah peed on i mean dude i had like peed on underwear it's like when chloe pees in the toilet she likes to like really see what she's doing but then she'll arch her back so the piece i just take a look at what was going on i've done this to myself as an adult when you like poop and you pee through the toilet and so it hit the back of your pants done it yeah she did it we were out doing like something and she peed all over her fucking pants luckily it hit her just her underwear
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
So I was like, fuck, I didn't have a change of clothes. Yeah. So I just took her, like, pee underwear and was like, put it in my pocket. Oh, no. I forgot they were in there. So my whole point is, you're doing all this shit. I have, like, pee underwear in my pocket. I'm being shit on. And it's like, when you break it down by the task, by, like, task by task, you're like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I don't know, man. I think Cam, they did something to that guy. That guy got, like, MKUtred, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
how is this the best thing in the world and really it's just the power of love it is the power of love and my whole point is if love is truly that powerful what are we doing with our lives truly such a powerful force the best thing in the world is literally the most servile and disgusting tasks and just zero free time makes you think dude it does it truly makes you think
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
But also, having free time fucking rules. Free time. It's crazy, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You don't realize how sick it is until it gets taken away from you. Too much free time, though. Forever.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That is true. People don't understand that, man. That sucks. That drives you crazy. The pinging silence of hours upon hours of personal free time is kind of fucked up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
and there's like and i remember i was out there bro i'd go outside i pissed outside a lot it's awesome it was very nice the stars were i was very nice but there was always a fox screaming yeah and then it would get closer and scream closer you gotta fucking hurry you piss up run inside because i'm not sure it's a fox we have a coyote we have a coyote near us you hear start yelping you're like and the same thing we're outside i have my little uh makeshift fire pit in my in the lot that pray to god they'd never build a house there they're definitely going to though
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
But, dude, I've taken it over. You took over a lot and put a fire pit in it? Yeah, I just put, like, I had, like, stone left over from when we did that little, like, patio area. So I just, like, set up a little. Just build on. There's just a lot behind my house. You're squatting. You're settling. Technically, I could do an easement. Yeah, I could be like, hey, man, look.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I told Brittany I was going to chain myself down to my fire pit. Or I might go try to find old bones from a museum, steal them, and just bury them in there and be like, what the fuck? You can't touch this land. We can't build anything on here. But, dude, I burnt my Christmas tree. Do you know how flammable those things are? Yeah. I'm sure. I guess that's common knowledge. They burn houses down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I think he got abducted by aliens. It's crazy. He wears like a top hat and a bow tie every day. I feel like my theory is a house fell on him. I think a house fell on him and he became a witch. He is a real witchy. He's very witchy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Dude, I had my little wood. I had it going on. I'm like, let me just throw a branch and some needles. You would have thought I'd put gasoline on the fire. So then I chopped it up into three parts. And I'm putting branches and branches.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yes, burning it. It was so fucking sick. Dude, I put one, I say a third of a Christmas tree on a fire. It got, I'm not lying, maybe 12 feet up. The flame was so bright that the streetlights turned off. Jesus. The photo sensors tripped. They just kicked on, and it was like, oh, it's daytime. You were going nuts. Dude, did I show you the flame? No. Bro, the flame is so fucking nasty.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It doesn't seem to be moving. Could that possibly be UAP? God damn it, I've seen many fucking pictures. Here we go. Dude, that's me. Dude, Maya takes fucking videos of me. That's me on the Peloton. Dude, sorry, I've got to find these flames. Excuse my fucking... No, find the flames. Dude, the flames. For real, you're going to get a little taken aback and go, dude, oh, bro. That was a blaze.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
What are you doing? What are you doing? That's a third of a Christmas tree. Next year, I'm lighting the whole thing up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Just me and the family. Just me and the family.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
So our neighbors aren't there a lot. They split time between like two different cities. And they've gotten fire alerts. They have like a security camera. Oh, no. That was like, is there a fire nearby? Because their phone got pinged like, we detected fire in your area. But then the house next to me, this boggles my mind. They bought the place. And nobody's lived in there for a year.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
A year and some change. Yeah, build some stuff in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
My thing is, who fucking buys a house and doesn't use it? There's no renters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Then the one next to us, same thing, but they just started throwing Airbnb people in there. And it's, which is kind of sick because I get to like. It's probably the Chinese. I do. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
But I feel like I've met, I think it was a couple Indians actually. So I met the Indians who did it. And I'm like, you know, I was kind of stoked. I've never had Indian neighbors. So I was like, fuck yeah. They left me high and dry, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'm telling you, bro. He's huge. I think he got either abducted by aliens and sent to the future for 5,000 years beyond. That dude is... Yeah, he's in the future. He's wild, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That would kind of chat my ass. It's like, bro, come on. It's a little rough. Toss up, light up some fucking V-shirts, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Everyone's outside, bro. Or the boss Indian dudes let their wives walk like five feet ahead of them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Dude, we have some nice little walking areas and we've done the walks. The only thing that could be nice is if you do a super long grueling walk because there's nothing better than being like, are you tired?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
How the fuck am I the one that's not tired at all? I got crushed the other day because we both, when I found out, I was...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
pre-diabetic on the blood test fucking bullshit dude my a1c will be lower but it'll be sure it is already i if it's not i'm gonna die because like i've literally cut out like 90 percent of carbohydrates but there was uh there was when we like first had kid we had two when we first had two kids we'd had this double stroller in philly we push it up hills and britney would get like for real like winded yeah of course and then she'd always be like i gotta go to the doctor there's something going on i'm like yeah dude you're fucking out of shape and like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Did you see the clip of, God, who was it, man? Corey Holcomb on his show. And Corey Holcomb just kind of, like, he, like, broke something down to him. I don't know what it was. It was about Trump or this or that. I don't know what it was. But, like, Corey Holcomb kind of owned him, being like, dude, you really believe? Like, kind of, like, schooled him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
She's still salty about that comment, but the, uh, and then like, she got some blood tests where like, they really did reveal some sort of like irregularity about like, I don't know what it was, but she was like, you fucking asshole. I told you there was some, and they were saying like the side effect could be like getting winded easily. And I was like, damn, that's my bad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Instantly called out, I'm like, you're faking it. Yeah, of course. Yeah, she danced in the end zone on me on that. She's like, you're such a jerk. Especially, like, you don't realize how things sound until, like, she's telling other couples or people. Yeah, what she said. And you're like, well, hold on. Let's put the context in there. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And this asshole just said, yeah, it's because you're out of shape. And I was like, well, I was concerned for you. I needed you to know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Scam Noodle. But it was, Corey Holcomb said, I wish I remember what he said, but he's like, you can't be, you can't really believe that. He was like, I don't, like it was, you know when someone's like, fuck, I never thought, he's like, you've clearly thought about this before. And he was like, Yeah, and you could tell I definitely did it. Devastating. I mean, I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Just our faces. Just like, actually, fuck you. You see the other person's face the whole time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's like that's the bleeding edge of fashion is like borderline cross-dressing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Oh, is it a daughter now? Do you want to talk about a balancing act of the universe? Imagine. Dude, this is no disrespect. This is more of like just kind of put yourself in someone's shoes. But imagine if your dad had AIDS from getting too much pussy. He got all the pussy. That guy couldn't. He like got like multiple generations worth of pussy. So like you got it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You got to be that gay when you come out of being his son. You know what I mean? For sure. It would have been crazy if his son came out. It's not like Diddy's son. Diddy's sons are womanizers. The apple did not fall far from the tree in the Diddy family. Yeah, dude. I'm fascinated by those guys. He had two twin daughters just celebrated their 18-year-old birthday or something. Who, Diddy?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Diddy has twin 18-year-old female daughters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
and it's like I just what a world yeah to be a having a twins weird enough that to be like did his son is it him or his son's rap one of them's really wrapped up played football at UCLA it could be the wrong I could be thinking somebody else and I think Snoop Dogg hit his strength and conditioning coach in the head with like a kettlebell like attempted murder it's probably just trying to get some if I saw a guy doing jumping jacks and
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
What if he gets acquitted? What if he gets acquitted and it was all made up?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I mean, he definitely wasn't swanging anything. If you're going to attack somebody with a kettlebell, it's probably like a 15-pounder or a 10-pounder.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I feel like that would get you off the bench. True. I wish my dad wasn't such a bitch about, you know, he could have gotten up. Yeah, he could have helped. I mean, I was playing both sides of the ball in seventh grade. So true. That was my I peaked like I started out at my peak of football and was just like, yeah, you're Travis Hunter. I was never to a star. Don't forget about special teams, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'd like to give him $500,000 tonight. Was that the guy from the BYC Bulldogs I saw there kicking the ball?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, dude, I'm telling you, it's a... I really love delving into the psychosis of fathers and sports and coaching. It's like a dark world, dude. Yeah. It's pretty nuts, man. Phil held it in pretty well. That's good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, he liked it. yeah if you're quiet and chill more power to you it's when like dudes start dudes get weird yeah about like the high school sports like kids playing yeah you do down to like way young people start for sure and it's a weird that's a weird trip to get on it's a weird trip to get on like yeah my kid's the best yeah it's like no dude
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I know. I was just thinking about Notre Dame. I mean, bro, it could have been the big kick. If I made it, oh, that would have been awesome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
clearly we're watching watch the field yeah watch the tape we're gonna grind on the tape but that is you know that's that's that thing where it's like coaches playing their sons that's where it does get a little like yeah quarterback every time quarterback who knew every coach's son was a quarterback but yeah that's i mean i i could i i could get into girls basketball coaching dude
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
The path is set for me. The path is set. I've thought about it. You can get in touch with Phil.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
women do wait on you hand like they there's nothing they love more than you being like incapacitated yeah if they had it your way they'd be dead yeah if they had their way you'd be dead ideally but like you laying in a bed and needing them they can't they love that so much blankets it's very nice they love it dude if britney has anything wrong with her a i like kind of question her to make sure she's not faking first and foremost yes
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I go, oh, well, your knee really hurts. And they're like, oh, my God. Just making sure you're not making this up. And I have to go. Yeah, it sucks, man. I told you when I broke my nose and they... I got my deviated septum fixed while they had to like put my nose back together. I came out of the hospital and like, you know, Brittany picked me up. She's like always happy to do that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And they put me on fentanyl. Fuck you. Dude, because I came, I came. You got fentanyl? Yeah, dude. They put me on fent.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
i fucking i came up i remember coming to because you know they knock you out like boom you're just back yeah just instantly to be continued i come back after hours of them just like you know cutting my nose they cut your septum out like the part between your nose and then straighten it out and resew it's disgusting oh man but i came to and i came once i realized like where i was i was like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Hey, great job, everybody. Yeah. Hey, everybody, great work. And everyone's like, all right, you sit down. Yeah, okay, buddy. And they were like, we gave you something for the pain of the way home. And I was like, what did you give me? I'm just curious. I am curious about it. They give you ketamine to put you down, apparently. So I was curious about the cocktail. And they were like, fentanyl.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And I was like, huh? So they hit me with a fentanyl. Where'd you go? Just somewhere in Philly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Somewhere in Philly. Dude, the worst. Yeah, true.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
gave me some of that trank dog but they uh wet young man yeah but i i like i was like all right and i was already so fucked up from everything else they gave me but that that fenton hit me and britney picked me up and i was just like anything she said i would be like would you just shut the fuck i was so mean dude yeah instantly i had opiate rage for sure which apparently that happens if you're on perks like you get mean dude super mean also right now the mayor uh
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Black dudes are getting crushed by Percocets. Black dudes are getting crushed by opiates right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Opiates and galaxy gas. Galaxy gas. Galaxy gas. What's galaxy gas? Whippets. Black dudes discovered whippets this year. They just discovered whippets? They just discovered whippets, and it's not good. They're getting fucked up. If you do too much nitrous, apparently it stops your body from being able to produce vitamin B. which is important for your nervous system. It fucks you up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And dudes are calling off... First of all, they all say smoking. You're not smoking anything. You're just huffing galaxy gas. And it's like, dude, it rocked. Whippets rocked black people. It's hurting the community. It's crushing them. But their voice does get deep, which is sick. So you can be like, and you get like three seconds of just like the ultimate OG.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And then you fall over in like the fucking Best Buy parking lot. Shit, I don't care.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Now your emotions are out of it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Just on some of your favorite stat projections.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Those are strong, bro. I know. They get you. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Be like, oh yeah, that's what you guys think with your stereotypes? Hit the water. Hit the water, boys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Why do I always got to be on the bottom?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
There was a soft white underbelly. I mean, you can if you want.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Dressing up a little. Dressing up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
James Fox, welcome. Thank you so much for coming on, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
How about the timing, dude? You couldn't have planned that better with the goddamn fucking...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Threatened to be shot. Okay, wow, okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Do you think he got inhabited or something?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
To me, it's like they're just making it harder and harder to say to obscure the truth. That's what I'm coming. It's like you unidentified on alarm. I can't even say it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
What kicked that off? I was curious about that. This is my thing. If things are top secret, you have these giant mechanisms of power controlling and hiding things. I do find it funny that they're like, you swear you're telling the truth? And they're like, nah, you fucking got me, dude. Yes, I pinky promise. It's a weird system we still do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
So they have been going around and scooping these things up. Yes. So what do you say to people who are like, it's just super advanced military technology they're hiding from everybody?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
He was probably so blazed when he wrote the legislation.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Isn't it funny how the people we love most are often the hardest to shop for? Luckily, there's one gift that everyone on your list is sure to enjoy, an Aura digital picture frame. Named number one by Wirecutter, Aura Frames make it incredibly easy to share unlimited photos and videos directly from your phone to the frame.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
And when you give an Aura Frame as a gift, you can personalize and preload it with a thoughtful message and photos using the Aura app, making it an ideal present for long-distance loved ones. It's a gift so special, they'll use it every day. I mean, they want me to talk about the hunt for the perfect gift. Yeah, man, it is hard getting the perfect gift.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
And there's nothing better and selfless than just, you know, giving a photo of yourself to a person. No, you're giving a photo. I'm joking around. It's the holidays. Everyone's having a tough time. Please don't drop us, dude. Our corporate sponsors are mad right now. Guys. Guys, it is nice. Your mother would love your mother loves you so much and your father. They just want to see your face.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Just give him a picture of you and your brothers, dude. Back when you were young and beautiful before you became old and decrepit. Yeah. So, you know, look, I love it. My mom has one. She loves seeing it. Hey, Bill, I'm recording advertisements, dude. I know you broke your leg, but please. Yeah, so very good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Hey, guys, and if that's not personal enough, you can even upload a video message to play on the frame as soon as they plug it in. So the first thing they hear is your voice and how much you love them. Save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off Aura's best-selling Carvermat frames by using promo code MSSP at checkout. That's A-U-R-A, frames.com, promo code MSSP.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
This deal is exclusive to listeners, so get yours now in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. How do you stay cozy during the winter months? For some, wrapping up in a blanket with a mug of hot chocolate or watching a movie with the family is the best way to spend the month of December.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Therapy is a great way to bring yourself some comfort that never goes away even when the season changes. I mean, what a beautiful message. Because your family will go away, but you can always do therapy. That is beautiful. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule, just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched up with a licensed therapist and switch therapist anytime for no additional charge. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash MSSP today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash MSSP. And, guys, it is the holiday times.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
A lot of people get sad and freak out. You know, maybe you're an advertiser and you're saying, this ad shouldn't have been a fucking minute long. So maybe I'm just wasting time and trying to get to a minute. But, guys, it is the holidays. People get sad. I get cheerful. I get full of holiday cheer. I love it. So I'm not sad during the holidays. I like the holidays. But some of you get very sad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
So do what you need to do in terms of finding your supports. All right. You know what we all could use a little more of? Getting off asses. I have no problem with that sentence.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
With bold flavors and a crisp, refreshing kick, Mountain Dew gives you that extra push to get moving and feel like you're on top of the world, a world where the sun is always shining, your crews ready for action, and unforgettable adventures are just around the corner. Call out your favorite flavor. I mean, obviously, guys, I'm classic. I'm keeping it cool on this one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
My corporate partners were a little upset. So, look, I just want to keep it all business right now. This is a Mountain Dew. Check that out. Some of the verbiage is great tasting, refreshing, and has a citrus kick, which is very nice. Talk about what game slash activity you'd play with friends. Honestly, I like to talk about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
I thought I was being pretty open and candid, you know, with my branding partners, talking about what I was doing with my friends. But I don't know if they like my candidness or my candid nature. So I'm just going to say, me and my friends, we drink Mountain Dew. We hype each other up. We watch the game. We watch the game with each other. And then our wives come over and...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
I'm not going to talk about wife swapping or anything like that with our corporate partners, but we just have a good time, dude. Whatever, man. Just fucking do you, bro. The mountain is calling. You should answer. Grab your friends. Grab an ice cold Mountain Dew wherever refreshing beverages are sold and do the do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah, it's also, yeah, it is deeply unsettling to be like, because, you know, human beings just have this idea. We're kind of like top dog in the universe. Yeah, it does threaten. It does threaten. I mean, I feel kind of weird. Like, what do you think the I have two questions. What's the telepathic element you're talking about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
So what do you think are like the implications on like day to day kind of like human thinking and affairs? Say it's just like it's out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
proven without you know uh any sort of doubt or whatever it's proven that there there is like a life forms that just dwarf our kind of technology and understanding of the universe what do you think that does to human beings i think that's a good or you think they'll like spin people out or maybe maybe make us be a little nicer knowing we have like other yeah yeah yeah yeah i think i always felt that it would be a little scary right
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
I would argue if they're that advanced, there's a huge chance they're not kind of like predacious and like... You know what I mean? Because it'd be hard to be that advanced while you're still dealing with kind of like those more animal aggressive kind of instincts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
You think you would implode like human beings. If we don't kind of get our kind of aggressive instincts under control, we might exactly... We might like blow ourselves up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
That would be crazy if it truly was like an alien consciousness, but this was their like mall kiosk of them like flying around holiday toys and being like, check this out. Watch us freak out the humans. Look at them run. So just take us through. You don't have to obviously give the whole documentary away, but it's like, how did you get into that? And like, how...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah, it's one of those things that does that. I wish I did. It kind of dwarfs the perceived power of governments where you're like, you know, the United States, we have all these missiles or the cutting edge of technology. Then you see something that's so much more advanced if it's really buzzing around. Kind of like it makes the government less authoritative almost.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
You're kind of like, all right, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
I think it's a good thing. We get a lot of people who start being like, they're trying to use this to start up a new world government and blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's like,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
True. And it's one of those things where it's like if they're... Just say, for argument's sake, say there were some just human beings who were so powerful they were engineering these kind of crafts. It's like, well, guess what? They're going to do whatever they want. You know, whatever. Yeah. But yeah, I think it's awesome, man. I think it's pretty cool. And I think it is a... I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
I think it's good for people to have kind of shocks to their system. And I think the UAP kind of like reality of their life forms does a good shock to the system in a way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah. Yeah. Because you can get so into your like hometown versus the country. You know, you're like ants on a hill. You're like, this is this huge place. Then you get a cosmic perspective and you're like, right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Like, to what depth does this whole phenomenon go? Because like you were saying, when I grew up, it was just like aliens, and you'd get a poster with black lights of an alien being like, peace, man. Right. But yeah, the more you hear about it, like, it just came out of nowhere. Like, the government, I feel like a couple years ago, was like, oh, by the way, aliens are probably real.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
This is the thing that fucks me up. It has to be infinite because if it were to stop, it could only stop by a sort of border. There'd have to be something on the other edge of the border, so it has to be, by definition, infinite.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
The universe really is ruled by dream logic. That's the only place a thing can be infinite and non-infinite is in a dream. Don't get me started, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
And everyone was just like, what the fuck? What are you guys doing right now?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
It blows my mind, seriously. I'm just like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
but you know what i'm talking about though it has to be infinite because if it were finite there'd be a bordering edge and there'd have to be some physical thing on you can't have something that borders that doesn't have another side of it so it can't be bored it has to be infinite otherwise i remember one time thinking to myself like i have no idea why i'm here what the hell's going on i do that i don't think we're here to hate each other yeah that does that's one thing i feel like you know come on
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah. It doesn't feel good in your body. That's what I've been doing. It's like people say like, you know, oh, you know, this is this is crazy. It's all airy fairy talk. It's like, well, dude, if you like just assume where these kind of like struggling animals with nothing other than animal instincts and our whole sense of consciousness is like, you know, just wafting off these.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
It's just like this nonsense that's wafting off our instincts. It's like to take that worldview hurt. It literally hurts your body.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
So it's like, yeah, I agree with you. But I think if you kind of open yourself up to like the kind of cosmic scale, becoming basically a cosmic patriot rather than your country or what, you know, people will be mad at me for that. But you can like your country, but also be like, I'm also a citizen of the universe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Open yourself up to that scale.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Wait, so they were up for three days straight and they were just like... Yeah, and they couldn't sleep.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Hey, man, there's just larger forces at play, so that's all that is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah, it's really... It does suck, and it sucks to waste it just being this fucking miserable dick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
I know. And I'm, I'm, I'm guilty of that. I can be a miserable dickhead, but it's like, it really is. Especially when you look at it, it's like, if you look at the scale and then you get into like the, the math behind, like, what are the, if they go guard, it all happened by chance. Well, what is like the mathematical probability of that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
And it's, it's, it's like literally if you were a math person, you beg, well, yeah, my own math proves that this happening for no reason is so statistically improbable. It's crazy. Yeah. And they go, well, it's because the universe is infinite and that anything can happen. It's like, okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah, well, Tucker Carlson now is like... He's freaked out. And he's like big on the interdimensional thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah, he's like out of nowhere. He tapped out. He got off a fox, and he was just next thing you know, it was just like there's interdimensional entities, blah, blah, blah. And everyone's like, what the fuck, dude? Yeah, no, he tapped out. What do you mean he tapped out?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah. I mean, it makes sense if you're if especially if you're like, you know, an older man and typically politicians. And I would say even more so like military people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
A lot of them are sort of kind of like a rigid kind of like, you know, insulated and like not like they're not saying like they're egoic, but it is like they have a very kind of top down way of thinking and like stuff like this is like there's no time for it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
You have your new documentary, The Program, I believe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
There's got to be some sort of directive. Like I said, if you're military, there's rules for everything. So it'd be like, eh, we'll get that later on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
That is a good idea. Yeah. Damn, man. So we'll wrap this up. I think this has been awesome, by the way. Thank you. Oh, cool. Thanks. My question is, so say if somebody, you know, the biggest doubting Thomas or one of the, you know, if someone pretty close minded is like, I don't even want to think about this stuff. Do you have like one kind of like silver bullet you'd be like, check this out?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Awesome. Dude, thank you so much.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Thanks for doing this, man. Of course. Watch the program. Thank you, James. Of course. Later on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah, well, dude, here's all. So to be honest, I was watching the documentary last night and I was I was just like on the way to a holiday party and I just I got really stoned from a vape pen. I haven't been smoking like that. And I was just like launched and I started watching your documentary and I got like I started bugging out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
That'd be tough. There's, like, a scolding. I'm reading Bertrand Russell's autobiography, and there's a lot of, like, English letters, and they're pretty, yeah, they'll get you, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
I started thinking about just the vastness of the cosmos and just kind of the, you know, the inevitability of there's got to be some other sort of consciousness there. or life form out there. And it's like, I was bugging. I was like with my wife and I was like, they turned it off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Are the waters good now from that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
I've been personally boycotting BP forever since that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
It was before that. But we were, I just started thinking about it because there was all, it was all these like, you know, there's these like Congress meetings and all these people. And it was like the line that, I don't know if it was from that or someone said it, but it's like, why would these people put their credibility at risk for no reason?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
And he was so he was just driving. The other guy apprehended.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
What did they say it looked like?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
No, that was Mystique. Mystique, yes. I took sixth in the first game, second in the second game. You got ninth? That's pretty good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
I got hit a lot. So Guard Dog was the best? I'm pretty good at laser too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, how was that? It was awesome. Fuck. I got a compliment from a diva. What? Yeah, you did get a compliment from a diva. And I didn't like that. She said she liked my glasses. She likes her glasses. And I wish she looked at the eyes behind. What was her name? Liv Morgan. Liv Morgan.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
The lady match was actually good. Maybe the best match of the night. That was a wild match. I loved it that they were like, do you guys want to see? They all started fighting and they were like, do you guys want to see this at a later date? And everyone was like, no. They were like, how about right now? And they were like, all right, we'll do it right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
It was like, no way they're doing it right now. They're going to do it right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
They got to bring him back. I was saying they got to fake execute him in the ring. Give him the guillotine.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Yeah. Yeah, they just did the rest of the show after that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Hello. Me, Lamar, and Nate have a show, Optimum Noctis, at the Creek in the Cave on Tuesday, February 4th. It's the first Tuesday of every month, and then I'll be at Coastal Creative in St. Petersburg, Florida on February 13th and 14th, and Las Vegas, Nevada at Wise Guys Comedy Club on February 28th and March 1st. SeanGardini.com. Thank you very much. God bless you. God bless. Yep.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
He might have... He admitted to... That's what this Washington Post article says. He said he admitted to paying to boost his online warriors into global leaderboards. Whoa.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
And the post says he admitted to it, paying players to help him rank up and get his guys. I don't know how Diablo works, but apparently he paid to get that rank.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
I think a mix of like a few of those sorts of things.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Yeah, I think they looked at his rank and they were like, if you can never do this in the amount of time you said by yourself. Dude, his mind's a storm, dude. He's a genius. I guess. His mind's a fucking storm, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Oh shit, it was dude. It was also smoked weed beforehand.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
The mayor got lost in the King of the Games. We couldn't find him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
We were all so sweaty, but the rest of the friends weren't as sweaty as us four. Yeah. And the pizza room was so musty. I could see James dorking out in there. James was sweaty. Yeah, we were all sweaty.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Matt's ass must be just fucking beautiful. Just like on a shelf.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
And hey, we're here live. Verdansk.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, it's... It was his own whiskey.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I've never heard that name in my entire life.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah. I saw that face. I've been playing it fast and loose with my hands in the garden.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
It says online that they did use a body double for the nude scene. Oh, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Not for the boy, though, just for her. Sweet AdWord back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
The prosecutor just hits them with their horoscope in the stand. They're like, yes, I believe you. You're like, all right, Your Honor, rest of my case.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Also, RIP Diddy for making the band, dude. That was a great show. For sure, yeah. Damn, so yeah, you're trying to find the one. He didn't die, though, man. I mean, he probably wishes he did. It's coming. Yeah, hopefully he doesn't fucking get sad like Jeffrey Epstein did and fucking kill himself. So you're just trying to find the one. They're going to come on TV.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, no. That could be China. Yeah, it could be China. Although, why would they, like, they have... It could be China.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, led by Elon Musk. Dude, what did you think about his... Fucking...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, did you see that? Did you even see the Nazi salute from Elon Musk? Oh, yeah, I did see that. That was tough to defend, bro. He's like, I'm sending my heart to you, and he pounded his chest and then tossed his hand up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
And then being like, oh, my God, enough with the Nazi stuff, dude. It's like, that was wild.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, I haven't seen any either. I saw the Paul brothers were there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
What was he doing? He's like, we will have Panera one day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Are you going to abstain, though? You should mindfuck them and abstain the whole time. What is abstain? Don't fuck them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I didn't see that. I missed everything on the internet. How do you Google that, by the way?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
What was he stoked on? Was he just, like, stoked on Trump or, like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Okay, that's what's up. I mean, that's nice. That's good. Yeah, that's dope. It truly is, though. If you're going to give this to me... Oh, that's good. Nobody had anything bad to say. Oh, wow. Yeah, no, that guy's good. Yeah, that's a good dude. He could have just been like... For him to just come in there for Unity, that's... That's actually nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
And maybe he just got carried away in the spirit of the moment. He was just like, fuck it, I can't control myself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
let rip i mean musk musk got carried away yeah you saw musk do a fucking nazi sleuth i'm doing the voice fuck this i'm gonna have fun too
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah. You'd be embarrassed. Imagine falling at the inauguration.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Logan's the boxer, right? Or Jake? Jake Paul.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah. No, one fake fight. Logan is like a WLF guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, he boxed Floyd Mayweather. Oh, he did?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It's like you have enough money.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
And eventually it spreads and spreads until, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, anytime they flash to a UFC fighter, one of those things.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It's got to be kind of sick to just be like, fuck it. Yeah, I'm just going to get my head, my bell rang and just rock with CTE for a while. Once you get over the fear, it's got to be kind of nice. Gamble whenever you feel like it. Fucking smash everything in your house.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Dude, tons of money. Apparently they've been like... killing it harder than anyone can imagine. Like billions of dollars out of the state of New Jersey alone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah. I didn't know that. Sager and Jetty's big on that. The guy from breaking points was, he was hipping me to the stats and they're not good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
We never had, we never had betting like this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Damn, his deal just ended with China. Now he's doing gambling.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
How would a girl like capture your heart? They're in the house.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
How did you feel about the game?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
You just take your half of the fire show you're doing. Like, actually, Bill, I'll donate my own half. It's Notre Dame.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, I think it's going towards Randy Quaid's mansion.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
The fires. There were fires in L.A.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
well it was weird too because like you look at the footage and there'd be one house left on the block and it's like that'd be crazy to come back and be like oh fuck yeah i did it shit all right i'll move back in just move right back in chill that's crits you really live on the fucking the moon could you yeah true just craters everywhere you're just in a house be the martian It's fucked up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Dude, I heard recently 37%, this is going to sober us up, 37%-
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Shannon Sharp used to do that where he'd be like, I can't believe all these white people know about me. It's like, dude, you have one of the biggest shows on YouTube. What are you talking about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Just that. Dude, the sex tape was kind of sus, though. That was like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I mean, more power to him if it was a viral one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I think he had some good girls in there. It was intense.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, that company could have slid right in real quick, though. I'm like, dude, promote us. Everyone's talking about you grunting on that lady.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It was quick. Yeah, but he could have been in the middle of humping and set it off mid.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Maybe the girl did it. Maybe the girl did it on his phone. Cause that's, yeah, there's no way he did that on accident. That's what I was saying originally.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Do you cast yourself or do you have like a casting agent?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I listen to it to get hype. If I got a show, I listen to it just to hype myself up. You put the audio in just to get hype right before I go on stage.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That's a good girl. He threw a couple good girls in there, which is like, all right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Oh, dude, talking her through an orgasm, like, yeah, good girl.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Dude, so this is what I was about to tell you guys to sober up the room. Apparently, you know, remember Kinsey, the sex researcher back in the 50s? They made a movie about this guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Back in like the 50s, this guy. How old are you, man? I'm 38. For a second, I was like, am I 50 years old? I'm like, what the fuck? So apparently in the 50s, this guy did like a crazy sex study where he like was interviewing housewives, dudes. And he was like, because nobody would talk about sex back then. And he was like, here's what's actually occurring.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
And apparently, I just learned this the other day, according to his stats, 37% of men have had homosexual experiences defined by one of the men reaching orgasm back in the 50s. And that was self who reported. That's a crazy stat. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I wouldn't jerk off to the research. The questionnaire, maybe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
If the questionnaire was charged enough, it would be like erotica.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
There's a mixture of a lot of shit, man. There's like a whole thing of reform studs on Instagram.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
In the 50s, dude. I could be wrong. My brother could be misleading me. He could be, you know, leading me down. Like somebody came. Yes. Two dudes partied. At least one dude came, if not both.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
He's chilling. He's chilling. He's not even working. He's off the grid, bro. He's off the grid.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I understand why. He's in the dungeon, bro. But yeah, no, he just hit me with the fact.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Dude, I mean, is that a fucked up fact?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
If true, look, Google it, dude. Please, please produce this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
10? My brother's fluffing the numbers, bro. He's fluffing the numbers. 37 is crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I'm going to see if you can clarify.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Let's go, let's get the clarification.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
He's doing research. Second older.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Fed's older than Tom? Yeah. I would have never guessed. K-Fed's older than Tom. He's on FaceTime audio, dude. He's on that. Oh, show me that. Show his number. He'll call me back. But yeah, dude. I could be wrong, but he was saying 37%, which is 10. Oh, really? Maybe this is an updated study. Maybe it's the Kinsey Institute of Research. But here's my whole point.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
The reason I'm bringing this up, and this is the conclusion me and him reached independently. If it is somehow 37% self-reported, that means in real life it's got to be, what, like 90, 94? And the conclusion was we both reached this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It's definitely the amount who actually did it and didn't say yes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
My point was, me and my brother were arguing which one of us was the only. I know you did some gay shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
But you said to close your eyes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Fuck, dude, I closed my eyes so hard. The point was, me and my brother were suspecting we might both be the only straight dude actually in the world, the chosen one. Like, the world's actually all gay, and me or my brother are the chosen one. I mean... We are Neo.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That doesn't count. It was straight, but... That's what I'm saying, straight as hell. You guys were stoked on pussy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
White guy trains are teenagers jerking off together in the same room without a girl.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
For the fun? For sins and giggles? It's just porn. You just get porn and you're just fucking stoked.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
This is before the cell phones and shit. Back in the day, it was only a VHS. But why together, though?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Because you didn't know the next time you were going to see porn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Are the studs like chaos agents? What are the studs going to do?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Well, it's the same idea though. It's like, let's just all get. Were you at any of the Diddy parties or did you miss that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
You left early? No, that was down the street from me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Did you ever meet Diddy? Yo, what the fuck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, everyone has. I was relieved to learn that nobody was at the party.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Well, everyone pushes the time back. Like, yeah, I always left at 2 a.m. At 3 a.m., everyone busts their dicks out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I think Denzel was there whispering, like, cool Bible quotes to people, like, the devil gets close to you when they're most successful. That would fuck you up. And they're both getting their dicks sucked.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, what the hell are they trying to say?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Sorry, I don't think you meant to say that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
We're back. Woo, baby. All right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Sorry about that. I shit my pants. Oh, man. Damn, Drewski, you are the man. So what else is wrong?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I don't know, man. There was the court testimony of that one producer who got led along and he said he would try to mix tracks and Diddy would just fucking scoop his balls. He said that in court. That's what he claimed. That's legal document. But we've also talked about it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Although they can get activated and get on like a Steal Your Girl mission.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Let's switch gears. Let's switch gears. I'm kidding. Oh, man. So, yeah, I actually did want to walk through this with the house. Mm-hmm. Like, are you shy to, like, do, like, intimate acts with, like, around a camera crew?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
This would be awesome. But to answer my question, how do you separate? No, for real. If you've got the camera crew there, is that kind of awkward?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Oh, so people, I always thought of those shows were like free-for-alls.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
How do you keep your studs in line?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Dude, you'd be a legend if you wiped a stud on the show at the end of the premiere. You got to see. For the finale.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
True, yeah, but let me know. I mean, fuck. Let me know what I'm talking about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Dude, I dissolved into the role. Most people don't even know it was me. He's the cop. He's the cop on the show.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I'm just trying to move the conversation.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I couldn't get into that. I mean, it was sick. You saw it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I kept hearing about it on the news. It was like the Chinese spy balloon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I have dogs. That could have been in my house for a while.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
And it's wet dogs, to be specific.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I do. I have two dogs. Could be them. Or it could just be, you know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, this is totally scentless as well. Oh, do we give him the butt mic?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Shane put me on your stuff. I was like, this is the best shit I've ever seen. We watch it all the time. It's pretty fucking awesome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
god damn it's a heaven yeah i haven't heard of that i don't know really yeah you didn't know that that's when they get promised they could literally get promised 72 versions when they like blow up a school bus they're supposed to be greeted by 72 wow virgins too not just like maybe around a little bit but like versions and you lived it well okay this podcast is a brand risk this is a brand risk waiting to happen you can edit you can edit whatever yeah yeah yeah you tell us
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah. They're an ancient part of entertainment, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
If you were like a prince passing through town, you needed at least like five or six jumping midgets. Are you serious? To complete the ensemble? Yeah, I think so.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
You got to paint them. Imagine being like a barbarian ransacking ruler. You're sacking the town. You just see a midget under a bench. You're like, bro, get in here. You're part of the squad now. You're part of the caravan, for sure. Let's ride. Okay, well.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, they have fun. They have fun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Damn. Like a reacher? A personal reacher?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I was at the grocery store with my wife and I couldn't reach. There was like some water at the top, top shelf. And I'm like trying to climb up there. I was I was kind of midget out myself trying to go up there and do this big tall guy comes and I'm like my wife's with me. I'm like, hold on, give me the car. This guy's like, I'll get it for you. And I was like, dude, get the fuck out of here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
No way. I just climbed up the car and.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
No, I would have had to left my family. Like, bro, they're yours now, man. I've been disgraced.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
think of it like a strong guy carried something for you that's what i'm saying that's like just as bad dude he's son it was like and he wasn't trying to be a dick i get it yeah i'll get it for you and i was like bro no disrespect but you gotta get the fuck out of here i'm gonna get this jug of water for myself i was like i appreciate you but get the fuck out of here right now before i freak out kind of turned my wife on though you know you being scrappy or the tall guy i think both of us combined yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
And it's out around Valentine's Day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Is it true? Because I've heard in those shows, you kind of ply the house with alcohol. You're going to have a lot of alcohol. How are you going to keep people?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
There is something about it. I want to get to the bottom of it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
They have an M on it. Kahurus. Kahurus?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I just save it. I save it all, man. Always ready for the fucking rug that you pulled out from under your feet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I see what you're saying, looking like a plane.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I saw it with my naked eye. But looking at that flight path, that's an irregular flight path for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
The Wild Wild West.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I mean, dude, barbershop, chill culture.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, Mussolini tried to get in there. Although they do have... Ethiopians do have a very distinct... I guess because they're on like... Are they only towards the tip of Africa?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
yeah i cannot you'll figure it out masai yeah i should deliver beer to a couple ethiopian restaurants back in the day and i remember being like yeah once you like get in you're like oh i could yeah i could spot these dudes from anywhere yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I went on a date with the owner of that 7-Eleven. Brief one date. What? No, the owner's daughter. I meant the owner. That was a guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
The owner's daughter. I went on a date with the owner's daughter and I was kind of starstruck. She's like, my dad owns a 7-Eleven in Lancaster.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I've been so high in that store so many times.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, I always remember being like, what the? Yeah. Holy shit. There was a 7-Eleven near Drexel University that was just, I think it was honestly the highest grossing 7-Eleven. It had to be. It was nonstop.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Just location. Yeah, it was just right on a college campus.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yes. Yeah. Very much so. But yeah, there was the line. Some of the dudes there had a bit of attitude. That worked. Some of the cashiers, yeah. Some of the youngsters had a bit of an attitude. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
They were getting assaulted.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
A lot of Mr. Disrespectfuls.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
yeah it was very much i remember witnessing my first ever like uh black american versus like middle eastern which i believe ethiopian could be almost mistaken for middle eastern yeah and it's dude it was unforgiving unforgiving of just trying to get a salmon cream cheese bagel and just being like put it on there obama it's like mine was a lottery ticket dispute oh i was the they almost like looked at me as like a mediator both sides kept going
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Oh, because you've got to prepay. You scratch off, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
There are the $100 scratch-offs. I've seen people do those, and it's like crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That's new. Yeah, I always forget. I mean, a lot of people play them. They're big, man. My old boss used to rip several $100 scratcher-offs daily. It was just like, bro, put them down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's not a bad haircut. It's not that bad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, that sounds nice. A little scratchy? Yeah. Yeah, they're exciting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, true. Let me see what you got there. Let me see that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, we'll see.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
And if it doesn't hit, you owe me... If it doesn't hit, I'm coming back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That would be cool. Like the America Olympics, basically.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Why did we stop at high school? I guess we have the NFL. Oh, Trump was just talking about this. Really?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, his World Fair. Dude, a World Fair now would be nice. Yeah. Why haven't we had one?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Wait, what's Tartaria have to do with the fucking World Fair?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's also not you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
yeah i'm moving into the future i really yeah i believe in it so that's all it doesn't have to be that's dabbling in uh graphic arts as well with the i have i've seen the cartoons oh yeah true prostitute secret prostitute garfield patreon project no i don't know about this now secret prostitute yeah miss lasagna bro someone a secret artist sent me a comic strip it's really actually really well done
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I'm the Medici family. You're filling his coffers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He goes, I don't know what to do with this. I'm like, bro, please let me put this on the Patreon. Everyone hates it. I can't stop putting it up there. It's about Garfield becoming a trans street-walking prostitute. And then just John trying to get Garfield off the streets.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
No, John's appalled. Just sweet little kitty. Yeah. Then John falls into the underworld in an effort to save Carfield.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
What's the dog called? Odie's part of the Yakuza.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
People were... Air Bud had... What, they have three Air Buds?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It was just hard to hear. You had a bad experience.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I didn't know that. Space Bud? Yeah. I knew he went to space. Movie Valhalla, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You know what? Beethoven was a great dog who saved the family. Lassie was a great dog. Homeward Bound is a great dog movie. Yeah. I mean, I watched that a bunch of times with my kids recently. Shadow. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
The cat's name?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Chance Shadow.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Holy fuck. It's Missy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, because they survived in the end.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Is that true? Yeah. They definitely in Homeward Bound threw a cat into a river.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That must have been so tight when you finally turned a wolf into a tiny little thing. You've done it. Whoa, what the fuck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
But then, like, what do you do? Just wipe out the pugs?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, start breeding, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
What did you say? You crushed almost a gallon. It was too good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Bufferini Marie is so funny. I never really thought about being a dog in an Italian household. You're probably going to get hit. No. It's probably great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Let's give her the dog. It's got to be dramatic. It's got to be like the Roman Empire. You're just at the top. You're being treated like a fucking absolute god. Yeah, true. Next thing you know, they're rising up against you. You're just getting swept. You're eating delicious cuisine sitting on, like, a nice silk pillow. It's better than Irish dog. Irish dogs are the worst, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's so good. It tastes like a secret. You know, there is like a thing about how milk itself is like white supremacist.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Dude, our dogs got beat. I thought you could hit dogs until, like, maybe six years ago. We've discussed it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Dude, it was so normal, man. I would see... I saw dogs getting beat, like... There was one... There was one house... I would go to one house where if the dog was seen in the kitchen, it would be viciously kicked as hard as possible every day. Every I saw it was just a daily occurrence. We got in the kitchen. It was like this orange shitty mutt. It was like a fat.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It would look like a lab mixed with like a like a dingo. This is a shitty standard yellow 55 pound fat mutt. And if it was spied in the kitchen, it would try to like go under the little countertop.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You guys can't hurt me right home from work. And it's being like hard as possible.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah. I think this dog was just dumb. I think it would just be like, it just was like, I think it would just get cold and be like, I'm going to go lay in the sun and would just like lay in the sun for four hours and then wake up to just a giant man and be like, God damn it. Yeah, if it was spotted in the kitchen. It was supposed to stay in the mudroom, which is a cold tile floor.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
And when I was little, we had an outside dog. We had a dog that did not really come inside that much ever. And if it was off the leash, it would hop the fence and bite people. It was so bad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I had an outside cage dog as an adult for a while.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I brought it in. It was only when we were working. It would sit in a cage in the backyard and just howl.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yep. Yeah. We had, there was a, when I had the Akita and then there was like, it's brother, my ex-wife's like, uh, mom and stepdad got it. And then when we, like when we separated houses to like when they're, they're like mom and stepdad live with us for a while, but for a little bit, we live with them. I guess it was a mom's house, but
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
They took their dog, and they built, like, a dog jail in their basement, and it totally, like, viscerated. Just rip it out, yeah. Destroyed it, dude. Turn the lights out and leave it down there. They freak. It's going to go nuts. Well, they won't do it. They're like, there's dogs. They're like, I'll die. Dude, Andrew's dog, Zeus... R.I.P. Zeus.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
But, dude, it would literally... It jumped out of the second story one time. Because he didn't have windows in his house.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yes. He was a three-story house, but didn't have windows in his house for a long time. So he was living in a windowless house in West Philly, and his dog would get out on the third floor, go up on... It was like a parapet. It was like a roof... Like, it was, like, the window, and then there was, like, a strip of roof, like, this wide, and it would pace back and forth. It was huge.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I just didn't trust anyone else. They're not fucking drinking the raw milk. They say that they're like... There is like almost like a Nazi Aryan connection where they try to say like the original mythical Aryans were the only people who could digest cow's milk.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's good. It is a Paul Brother haircut. You got a Paul Brother haircut. True.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
A big fucking... And it fell or it jumped out of the... The second story, it jumped out of the second story, but it would just patrol. So it would sit... It was in, like, dude, it was in the fucking hood. And he had this giant, like, mastiff white pit bull that would stand on his third floor like a gargoyle. Yeah. It was fucking nuts. It was actually good. And it would just wait for him every day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's good security, though. Dude, it for real was. Yeah. I mean, I would get, like, superstitious if I saw that. Yeah. Just walking by. Actually, I've seen him. He would just face and then just sit like this on the top of the third floor. That's the devil. It's literally an omen. That is an actual demon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
This show is brought to you by BetterHelp. Hmm. What are some of your relationship green flags? What do you like? Tits. We'll get you going. Green flag. Tits are a good green flag. We often hear about red flags we should avoid, but what if we focus more on looking for the green flags in our friends and partners?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
True. Just my wife waving me down, being like, I'm right here, the runway's right here. I say, yo, do that thing right for me, girl. I'll ignore all the red flags because you're giant fucking green flags. If you're not sure what they look like, therapy can help you identify green flags.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Actively practice them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
We practice that in our relationships and embody that green flag energy. Ooh. You ready for this? Yourself. You are the green flag. You have been the green flag the whole time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Exactly it. Whether you're dating, married, building a friendship, or squeezing your tits while jerking off allegedly, or just working on yourself, it's time to form relationships that love you back. Dude, they're- They're helping us. I do got to love myself back. Well, they're fucking better. Okay. Give me the broader benefits of you personally of therapy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I actually have smoked Vi's weed. I do like it. Nice. And I like how you can just get it right to your door because it's THCA hemp, dude. It's not weed. Yeah. If you're 21 plus, check out the link to Vi in our description. Use the code MSSP to receive 15% off. And if you're new to Vi, get a free gift of your choice. After you purchase, they ask you where you heard about them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Zeus. He was the best. He would be in the basement. He would just, like, chew fucking pipes in the basement. He was so funny. And once he got older and the sun would go down, he would go. Remember I brought him to our old house? Yeah. I brought him. I watched him for Spud one time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Did you throw up the bourguignon?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Did the beak get anywhere even near your fingers or was it like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I'll never forget when my cousin hit a seagull in the chest with a wiffle ball bat. Dude, we were like, we were, we were throwing food to get them. We were doing a creature storm, just having them storm the fucking front. The creature storms are so fun, dude. And we were just throwing up bread. There was just so many seagulls getting closer and closer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
My cousin just came out with a wiffle ball bat, went thwomp right in the chest. And dude, it fucking dropped dead. It was all, we came out to investigate it. Huge wings, long as hell. Just a dead seagull in the front, like a family walked by and they're like, Oh, it's sad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
The ducks around where we live, dude, you can grab them by the necks. They don't give a fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, it is nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You ever went to the beach and just threw like a loaf of bread and just let it get crazy with birds?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Okay, imagine your dad's not there and it's just you and your boys with as much bread as possible taking from the beach house.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Everyone, yeah. I mean... as an adult i'll try to wait till like 4 35 p.m which like not as crowded but dude and they are very upset but you can get like dude you can get for real like 500 and then you can run you can hold a bag of chips and run and they're the storm will follow you it's awesome
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
definitely yeah i would say the chicken pecking order is brutal dude yeah it's crazy my cousin had my brother and my cousin had chickens and i didn't realize like if there's another rooster the rooster will peck literally take your like rooster crown off and be like you're a fucking hen you're getting nan pussy around here i'm getting all the pussy they like they basically what's that called when they kill each other doesn't like a
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Guys, get on that. What happens? Yeah, check that out. I'm actually curious about that. Have you ever heard of the old Irish myth of the two cats who fought until only their tails were left? No. No. That's a sick myth. I just came across that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
They fought and fought and fought until only their tails were left. Like, what's the point of the fight after that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Do you know who I'm talking about? Not Little... Is it Littlefinger from Game of Thrones?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That would be kind of a sick way to go if you rally up a bunch of troops and then just get blown off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That's got to be sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Wasn't there like a... Yeah, he's literally falling down while that picture's being taken.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Wasn't there a story of like a Vietnam... Wasn't there like a war hero who had like a fantastic... They made a movie on it where he like... He had this crazy charge where he killed like 60 people himself, and he went home for a while, and he finally went back to war, thinking like, I got this down, just died.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah. Damn, where did he have the armor? It was one with Russell Crowe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Did anyone ever make a movie about the Killdozer?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I guess you can't glorify acts of domestic terrorism. Yeah, I don't think the killdozer is in your passport as something to celebrate. That'd be a good sports team. What? Killdozers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It was a scary building? It's so scary. Yeah, it's like windowless. So it was justified. Yeah. The architecture was terrible.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Wouldn't an Asian vomit be like... It's got to be slightly accented. Yes. I think at the end of a black vomit, you're like, God damn. God damn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Oh, it's Ayn Rand. Ayn Rand wrote that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Was Ayn Rand a girl? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
We all have bad pictures of us out there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I was like, the bride's looking all right. Then I went, oh, okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
And yet, despite that, she's very sexy. She looks like she spent at least a couple years underground.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, she was against communism.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I mean, dude, that'd be crazy living in a depressed communist country and just smashing Ayn Rand.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's all you get. You get like two loaves of bread a month.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Allegedly a pedophile.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That's so funny. Yeah. I read the first chapter without knowing, and I was just kind of like, maybe he did bring him drugs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Damn, I didn't know that guy wrote in his autobiography, like, and then it just detailed explanation.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's like, he's a member of the French government. It does have a kind of one of those weird, like, pick your boy sounds. It's like cellar door. It's like one of those poetic expressions. Yeah, it is. Being able to pick your boy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Phonetically, yeah. It's like, it sounds kind of great. Fuck you, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Dude, you're living in a woman's body. You're powering inhabiting a woman's body.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
No, it's not that. It's not as complicated as... Is that he said I watched an interview. He wanted people to do they want to make something very hard. You had to like work for and there's a real point to it because he thought technology was becoming so addictive. It would one day grow. Entertainment was like growing with technology to become so addictive of one day just ensnare us completely.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
We'd all lose ourselves. It's kind of made a hard book.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You don't have to lock it. It's pretty loud.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
The first million pages are pretty tough. And then once you get into it, it's just awesome. Once they get to the tennis academy? Yeah, you got to read it on a Kindle because there are a million footnotes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's about like a guy. They made an entertainment cartridge that if you watch it once, you're fucked and you can never take your eyes off it. And your body will just like, you'll just let your body be completely destroyed. And it was made by pretty much.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
whose son was in a tennis academy if i remember correctly but the dad after making it was like a failed filmmaker but that one took off but it was like a government weapon that like canada there's a great scene where he comes home to his dad committing his dad puts his head in a microwave and cuts out and explodes his head yeah it was like the worst part is i walked in the house and my first thought was it smells really good in here
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
uh i mean obviously just reading it i was like this shit rules but i i could never strikes me yeah Right now, Finnegan's Wake has inspired me big time, but I can't understand any of it. I just read it and go, I just read the footnotes and go, oh, wow, that's what that means. That's so fucking cool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Once I see the asterisk, I go, oh, boy, here it's coming. I'm going right to the footnote.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
But if you have a Kindle, you can just tap the link and it takes you to it. Kindle was nice for words. That's how I did it. Words I didn't know. And words. Dude, I wouldn't have gotten through this one. That was nice. Without a Kindle, I couldn't have read Infinite Jest. Have you read The Sun Also Rises?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He's such a good writer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He's probably my favorite. I remember when we had to do that in high school and had to do like a blue book, like essay examination. I remember just being like,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
so fucking stunned i remember there was like a question on it was like why why doesn't he just bring it up on the date or like tell the lady or something like that i remember in the essay distinctly remember writing like it would be hard to be like hi my name's jake and my dick doesn't work yeah and the teacher literally underlined it was like hilarious really yeah i mean you were right shout out mr quinn dude yes he was the guy who told us all to learn how to fake cry he's like it'll serve you so well in relationships
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He's like, if I get back in the corner, I fake cry. He's like, I fake cry. My wife just caves every time. Holy shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
High school English teachers are crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Did you let the monkey cut your hair? No.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's such a good story, though. What if your dick didn't work?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
What about a reboot of that story movie? But then he just gets into pegging.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
What I didn't know – I didn't know it was his dick. When I read it in high school, I just imagined he had – you know when Michael Jackson had his nose redone?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I thought he just had like a – was it like a cloth over it? Like it was missing or was it just not functional?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I thought he didn't have a dick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Damn. It's great. Now that technology exists, you can get that pump in your ball. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You have to choose. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I think it's just, I don't know, maybe just underneath your sack. I think it might be underneath the sack. That's what the testicles are. Building it into the sack. It's a little squeezy. Building it into the sack would be sick. You could just literally pump your sack. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty sick. Pump up penis would be nice. Yeah. I'm chased right now for the time being. I'm chased for five days.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
No coming. Yeah, no coming. Well. No food.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
True. Yeah, we're at an hour already. Yeah, let's. If you want to hear about some cum talk. Yeah, dude. Patreon. Yeah, I have some good topics, actually.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That was the bourguignon coming up. It was great. It was not the bourguignon's fault.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
What were you drinking?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I'm telling you, wine used to be like fucking badass. That was like fentanyl back in the 20s. Undiluted wine? Wine was for real, like sailors and badasses. It was considered, like, if you're doing, like, 1910 or, like, even, like, the late 1800s, if you drank wine, you were, like, an absolute fucking monster.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, they called it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Dude, Franzia hit the block in, like, 1890, and dudes are, like, completely.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Damn, I didn't realize the Pope was that fucked up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, they don't got to do that to him. Yeah, that's your grandpa at the end. I mean, again, I'm not going to say, I'm not going to rush this Pope, but we do need a new Pope. It's time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's a hard job. He was looking all right. Yeah, he was decent. He had a bit of a twinkle in his eye. Double pneumonia, cocaine, wine.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That would be a cool life, and the absolute, utter, the top hierarchy of the church would be probably sick as hell.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Oh, I thought you did.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah. Can I just talk baseball? That was the original barbershop quartet. You would stand outside of the barbershop and dudes would just harmonize and just get down. Barbers used to keep musical instruments in their place.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's a cool idea. It's a cool premise. Yeah. Cartel boss becomes Queen of the South, basically.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Becomes a trans.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Don't worry about it, he's his. We actually just took him off a stick in a cornfield, he was a scarecrow. I think it's cool, it's what the kids are doing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Are you sure you weren't watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Nothing strange is happening. I mean, that was, I still, I've like forever tipped my hat
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
the bruce caitlin it's a wild move yeah just to be like peace because then that forces your wife to divorce you yes and you can be like i didn't want this many a time in a bad relationship i thought about because you never want to break up with someone you want them to break up with you that's how i always feel yeah a bad right it's like what if i could become gay if i genuinely was trans then you'd have to leave and just to sweeten the deal you get to be a lesbian
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
it is sick bruce is a lesbian or excuse me caitlin is a lesbian caitlin with a c was the nastiest one good for you caitlin is a lesbian which is like to break up to get divorced and become a lesbian might be dunking on a lady as hard as you possibly can yeah be like i'm a fucking girl and still fucking yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, you would chill and just be like, oh, with like four of your boys and fire them up. For the longest time. You'd be at the ye olde haircuttery and just be like, oh. White people started that. Yeah, true. In England, they would keep like a lute handy in the case.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Oh, that thing's been gone. Well, hey, man, you can fully les out now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
And it's just probably, it's probably like a nuclear explosion when you cut off the fucking bees and bees. Probably puke it out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That's a great question. I know, yeah, I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I think they somehow attach your old penis head to your belly button so that you've got like a remote control. Mine might fit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You'd be on search.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Just a little joystick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I don't remember that one. I remember the We Indian in the Cupboard. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Wasn't it? I don't remember.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, for sure. But you're probably kind of pissed. If you're Native American, you're like, we're in a fucking cupboard now? What the fuck? If you don't want to be a sports team, a kick-ass sports team, you don't want to be a tiny white child's toy in a cupboard.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That'd be a cool movie. You know they did that movie when Hitler won, quote unquote, if the Native Americans won. That'd be cool. That would be sick. If we lost and just all became Native Americans.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And we're live. What's up, everybody? How we doing? Motherfucking Sidney Gant, Tim Buddley. Thank you guys for coming. I'm fucking so pumped to have you down here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Here's what I would do. I would hire some sort of like cyber attacker guy to take their basically like their content and switch it out with me, like taking dumps on stuff and jerking off. They would just be completely blacklisted. I would do like heinous scat content and have it like pushed onto their stuff and have them be like what the fuck happened and be like you know what happened
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Like, oh, you guys like jerking off, huh? I would just fucking blast.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, you got to knock that stuff off early, man. And again, I don't want to say purely from moralistic terms. Before, it was thought to be disgusting to marry for sexual attraction. And that's crazy. Dude, the Puritans thought in England in the late 1800s, they were like, oh, he is horny for his wife.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Exactly. It was just upholding the state. A man and a woman would just be like, fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It was crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Like if she walked by and you were like, damn. Oh, bro, yeah. It's over. You had to basically ignore each other. The more you ignored each other, the better.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Dude, the sexual tension.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Well, I think that was more like the aristocrats. I think if you were like... Apparently, they thought back then it was bad to give... English aristocracy thought that it was bad for children to eat fruit. So the guy, who's that mathematician guy? Bertrand Russell. I read some of his.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He wrote Principia Mathematica with Whitehead. They're the guys who wrote a math book where, I think, 60 pages explain one plus one. He was on some high-level nerd board. Yeah, but he claimed, well, he was one times one. He was claiming they did one plus one because they wanted math. What did they think that equals to? Two, but they want to be able to prove it because math.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Here's the problem with math. It's funded. It's they want it to be purely like logical. But math is founded on axioms that are unprovable. And that pissed them off. They're like, I can't stand that. Dude, we want this shit to be. Yeah, we want this to be like perfectly logical. No faith because they were like, you know, they're big atheist types.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, they're like, one plus one is two, but we're going to show you exactly why without, you know, people are like right on. But my whole point was he wasn't allowed to have apples when he was younger.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, because that's where the proofs are. I'm terrible at algebra, like borderline.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
When geometry gets into the proofs, I'm out. I knew him, dude. I don't know how I knew him. I might be the son of Pythagoras, dude. I somehow, they would ask me questions of the proofs, and I'd be like, oh, it's that. I just fucking knew. It was weird. Like how some people got that Genghis Khan blood?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I got like a B in geometry without really trying, and the proofs were weirdly self-evident. Oh, I tried hard. But algebra... Terrible.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm so fucked.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Don't tell anyone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He'd be nice, man. Hopefully. I've thought about doing something similar where I'm like, because I am deeply embarrassed and like, you know, my kids are getting older. I have to help them with their homework. And I'm like, I'm so bad at math that I've thought about just like taking a refresher or hiring like a math tutor. That'd be kind of nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
my daughter came downstairs the other day and she was like man dad the white ones are tripping upstairs damn that's hilarious the um yeah i uh you know what is cool about math though that the universe is structured according to mathematical principles or we're no i thought we applied that to it i I don't think so, man. It's like a chicken and egg thing. We don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't know, because here's the thing. There's a mathematics to music, kind of, and scales and everything, and that's... inherent in the universe. We didn't apply that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
How do you feel about that, though? Do you think it was a hookup? What do you mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Now you're talking my language. I don't know. I just think that's sick. I think math has to be real because if you can calculate the distance and land precisely, that means the exterior corresponds to the mathematical principles. I'm out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Well, it pumps me up. It doesn't make a difference, but it just pumps me up to be like, that's sick. Math is baked into the universe. It's cool. You would prefer if that's true.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's just more evidence of design. Yeah. I don't like the idea of living in a randomly created universe, and I just don't believe in it. Okay. So that's all. That's all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I need a buzzer. Well, here's the deal. No, if someone says something out of bounds, I will put you down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
How so? I don't know. You don't want a loving creator?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, that's got to be really annoying.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I was reading about Irish immigrants in like the early 1900s and like, dude, they really, their lives suck, dude. Terrible.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think everyone. Before or after they got here?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
both both just getting over here and it's not like not being able to eat when was this the 20s 30s yeah that's when my family got here did they really yeah yeah it was like a big deal like the dude the dad would actually bring home his wages and not drink them away and they'd be like we can have toast and jam and eggs and like the whole house would be so fucking pumped yeah it's like i wish i could get that pumped on toast and jam and eggs i like it i'm happy what is your family i never i don't think i've ever known this we're all irish you're all irish yeah and you love toast and jam
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What happened? What was triggering it? I mean, you know, I crush donuts, like, every night. Well, that you gout, but not... I'm, like, so mystified by this, because the A1C is when you're... That's, like, the diabetes stuff. Yeah. That's the percentage of your blood cells that are coated in a delicious frosting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Mine are at 5.7%. Okay. And if you get to 6.3, you officially have diabetes, or 6.5.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What do you think? I go through these things as well. What do you think pushes you into these obsessive eating things? I knew it was a grocery store sheet cake for a while.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I just want you to look guys. I just want you guys to not have diabetes. I couldn't believe I have a free dive. I for real was like blown away.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, I think literally one out of every three people is close to pre-diabetic in America. That can't be.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I swear to God. It's like something ridiculous. It causes a whole host of other problems. Your eyes get fucked up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
The snacks?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
How do you feel about Maha? Make America healthy again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Or pre-diabetic.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And if you don't realize it, it just kind of sneaks up. All your hemoglobins are getting coated in sugar more and more.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They get sharp. Dude, I had no fucking clue. What did you have to change to fix it? I just don't eat carbs anymore.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I was crushing cereal here and there, but I was more so portion monster. And I was like, I don't really eat sweets that much. But then I was running through it the other day, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I would get a sweet thing every time I was in the grocery store. Anytime they were in my house, I would eat all of them. I was like, I was eating a lot of fucking sweets.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think that insulin finally comes into play. I have yet to research insulin. But the one number one marker they give you is what percentage of your red blood cells are coated in glucose. It's like they have literally like a sugary coating on the outside. And then like those sugar, I think like sugar that whatever that is, the glucose, certain like molecules are like sharp and crystal like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So then they're kind of slashing all your veins as they're moving through your body. That's why like diabetics get like fucked up, like blotchy eyes get fucked up. You can't pee after a while?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It just fucks you up. You just have sugar just rushing through your veins and cutting your veins and you get all jacked up. That rules, actually.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What do you guys think about the hunk murderer guy?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You think he was a patsy?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. That's a crazy target, though, because you would think like... I don't know. It's like, don't they usually pick, like, lunatic? Kind of like, I guess he did kind of, like, lose his mind.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But it was his back hurt, apparently. That's the one thing. A lot of people are lionizing him, and it's like, I get it. I do understand why, but it's like, if the back... theory is true and his back hurt so bad that he girl spazzed and shot a guy. That's where I'm kind of like, I don't know if we should totally prop this up. Back pain is like that, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I follow another Twitter account that says you should never, ever emotionally make yourself available to your wife and never eat her pussy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Never eat her pussy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, there's like an account I follow of like a picture of like a lady just being like, don't eat your wife's pussy. She'll never respect you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I know. I do like that outcome where it's like you have to absolutely dominate everything. at all times. It's just a funny... I just don't know. It makes me laugh. Some of those guys that aren't married, though, they're saying this shit. I know. Well, you're a fool for having even done it, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Well, you have to mislead them. That's the key. You can move all the pussy you want in the world, but if you trick them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That is a slippery slope. You have to trick them and move them across state lines. That's trafficking. You can prove it was a nasty trick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Really? Yeah. What's the number one trick? What would you say you do?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
i've learned that i have like one i was like talking to my wife about this yesterday we went for a nice walk and uh we're just talking about her monthly cycle and uh you know yes and she was explaining to me she's like yeah i'm like fuck the week before my period the week during i'm like whatever the week after i'm like furious and then i have what i'm like so you have three bad weeks out of the month she's like yeah but then i'm really horny on that fourth week i'm like yeah it's so sick yeah let's go
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We have one glorious week per month, and it's so tight, dude. So juicy for me and nice to me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, true. It builds up. My thing is I'll be like, I don't even want to have sex. I just want to feel your body. Let's just cuddle for a while naked. And then you go, ooh, what's that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
A little skin-to-skin, and then naturally you're like, eh.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But I think the rules don't apply to wives. Like, your wife can be just, like, blacked out drunk, and it's like, any judge would be like, take what's yours, sir. Take what's yours.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But usually the woman comes home hammered and is like, you're not going to be like, get off me, you drunk bitch. You're going to be like, all right, I'll have sex. Stop sucking my dick. Fine. I guess I'll have sex with you right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
yeah while you're in you know your inhibitions are lowered and i can touch your butt but yeah there should she's like passed out don't be a pig sure you can you know let her rest man she had a long day a long day let her rest and then guilt her in the morning be like we're supposed to have sex someone was too drunk it is i i dude i don't like when women are drunk to be honest
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I just don't like it, man. I don't like it. My grandfather was right. He told me when I was a young man, he says, nothing worse than a drunk woman. I tend to agree. I tend to agree. It's a fucking liability. They're a hazard. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They step on, ow! They bump their heads so much. Ow! Yeah, true. They get hurt. Yeah, they get hurt. Yeah, they're constantly bumping their heads.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Nothing worse, dude. You're like Mr. Magoo, like flitting around trying to keep Mr. Magoo safe. I have such a low tolerance. It's something I'm working on. I have such a low tolerance for the ouchies. Like if my wife bumps her knee, it's like, oh. I'm sitting there like, you're fine. You're all right. Get up. Come on. You're fine. I don't know why it makes me so mad. I'm like, that's not that bad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's pretty sick, though. Goofy freaks me out too much. I tried watching the Goofy movie with my kids, and I was like, let's watch something else. It's too silly. And then it's like Goofy's nice, but then like the evil Goofy's, those like other guys, I don't like, I don't know. I just don't like the side of those guys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it does suck. Stop in your toe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Shut the fuck up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
My wife's a big let me see it. Let me see it. No, fucking don't touch me. Get off me. Let me just see it. I got to see it. I'm like, no. And without fail, she'll tweak whatever it is. And I'm like, that fucking hurt. Why did you do that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Chaps my ass. They need ice. They don't need fucking ice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Have you ever heard about breakers? They are nicotine pouches with an extra surprise. Each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken open to release extra flavor and hydration. If you know your pouches, you know that the nicotine doesn't hit immediately, and neither does the flavor. The geniuses at Lucy came up with a brilliant way to fix both those problems.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They put a mini liquid capsule inside each breaker's pouch. I mean, that sounds so good. I've recently been toying with nicotine, and I do the one milligram coffee stack, obviously, but... That's cool. You know, nicotine's nice. Personally, I don't find it personal. Wow, wow. I know I'm going against the science. I just, whatever. I kind of could take it or leave it, but, you know, do you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to Lucy.co slash drench and use promo code drench to get 20% off your first order. Lucy has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind. Again, that's Lucy.co and use code drench to get 20% off. And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Hey, what's up, Shane? How you doing, dude?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Some people out here are only thinking about themselves. Meanwhile, PrizePix has made it accessible to all so that we all can have fun times. Even the unhoused. Yes, even the unhoused can still get in on real money sports action, which, I mean, that makes me very happy. Dude, this app is really simple to use. Pick two or more players across any sport.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Pick more or less on their projection, and you could win up to 1,000 times your money, dude. That's all I want to do. That's exactly it. I mean, what the fuck am I doing with my one time of my money? I can times it by a thousand thousand. I'd only get my fucking act together and start getting in on real money sports action.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Let me break this down. Shane, you know about the NBA and NFL, right? Of course. So we got NBA and NFL on Christmas Day again. So let's make some picks for the games on that day. I like Anthony Edwards to score more than 26 points on Christmas Day in his rematch against the Mavs. I don't know if you know about that. But, I mean, Luka and those guys, they swept him last year. Did they?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, they fucking swept him last year. So, you know he's going to want to show up. He's going to be hungry. He's going to be hungry. He's going to show up with the spotlight. He's hungry.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Exactly, dude. That's some bullshit. He's going to want the spotlight on him. But, I mean, dude, the football games are pretty good, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I like the Steelers' defense to shut down Patrick Mahomes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Picking less on his projected 239 passing yards. On 239 passing yards? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, they don't have Kels up here. I think, no, they don't have any kills. What do you think about kills?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, for T.D. Swift. That's going to pump you up if everyone's just slamming your mega famous girlfriend. You're like, I'll fucking show you. Yeah, I'll show you. Run a tight fucking poster. Come on, fucking. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't know why.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I never liked that show. You don't like Ren and Stimpy. When I was little, it was just grotesque. You seemed like a Ren and Stimpy kid. I wasn't allowed to watch it. That's what my parents held back from me. They were like, no Ren and Stimpy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I mean, look, we talked about Patrick Mahomes. I think that's an incredible take, by the way. And you can combine up to six picks to create your lineup so you can win up to 1,000 times your money instantly. That's all I'm talking about. Real players, real sports, real cash. So make sure to download PrizePix and use code DRENCHED at signup.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You don't even have to win to receive the $50 bonus. I mean, this is crazy. What? It's guaranteed. You don't have to do that. They're just giving it away. PrizePix, America's number one daily fantasy sports app. I mean, it must be present in certain states with PrizePix.com.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They don't want to give you $50.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, this is what Christmas is all about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
One. It was me, Sidney, and Butterly. We're going to toss it. All right, nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Little stony dads, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We could just rip.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I just got in. I got in from getting my motherfucking massage.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, I wouldn't put it that way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's a girl. It happens to be. If it were a guy, I didn't care. I was like, look, I'll take whatever.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, dude, it would have... Fuck that. If it was a guy, I'm obviously... I'm capping right now. If it was a guy, I can't get a guy. Yeah, that would suck. I mean, because your lymph nodes, you have one right on your hip. If I were to... I don't need to like demonstrate, but it's like, I'm right there. So it's like, yeah, look, it's just my body. I didn't put my left. You've got tubes there. He do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You do have some dude here. I want to give you something. I do want to, I actually wanted to bring to your attention. I have an idea. for a live show. I'm going to try to do it at the Cretan cave. And I want to see what you think about this, where I, so it's just like a, I wear the headset on stage, walk around and I would let the audience step up to the crowd, to a microphone, to ask questions.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And I, it's a simple Q and a, but during the Q and a, I got to bust out a thousand pushups. So while people are asking questions, I'm just ripping pushups.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'd have to prepare myself for that. But I do like the idea of having people ask questions and just rip and pushups on stage with a headset. And then as they finish their questioning, I can pop up and just be like, I'm glad you asked and then answer the question to the live audience. Bro, that's so hard. I start preparing myself for it. But I mean, it's really, you know, it's 110 times in an hour.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I would catch it sometimes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So if I practice, I think I could bust it out. How many do you think you can get now in an hour? Not a lot right now. I'm pretty weak, but I could start doing modifieds on stage. If I started doing modifieds, they'd count.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It would just be a free form Q and a it's, and there's no, nothing, no thing driving it where I don't want to argue. I don't want to fight and fuss with people. It would just be, they could ask whatever question they want, bring up any, I think you're going to want to direct it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
If you're doing a pushup, that's that actually, you know what? You're totally right. Cause I, I did a Jeremiah walk and stand up on the spot recently. And people will just be like tires. Talk about that. I can't do stand up about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I told you, they did inadvertently do that. They blocked MTV and they just left BET. They didn't know it existed. So that was the only music channel I had. Oh, they cattle-shooted you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Dude, I tried to do that. I was like, yep, I'm on the news. I'm watching the news. This is all I'm doing. And I just scrolled. I did the death scroll on X. And it's like, dude, you feel like schizophrenic when you get off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Fucking horrific. My algorithm is like secrets women don't tell men and I read those threads nonstop.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I get those, and I get, like, there's new accounts that take, like, Andrew Tate-type teachings, but it's, like, they pretend it's from a hot lady. And it's, like, a weird kind of digital femdom. You can get, like, red-pilled through, like, a fake hot lady being, like, never eat a woman out. Women never respect you if you do that. They must submit. It's pretty sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's from a hot lady saying that? I could just be an Indian guy, but it is a, it's the pictures of hot ladies. That's all you need. Sometimes you need an Indian guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
i'm telling you i got any guy all like deep in my head right now just pretending to be a girl just telling me all the stuff i gotta do to maintain frame and i'm like telling myself it's from like a hot lady telling me this and i'm just like how are you what do you know what else you have to do to maintain frame other than not eat not go down on them never eat the india that's no offense to them that's gotta be a pretty fucking easy rule to follow true not a lot of oral going on over there
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He was a little active. Yeah, I just don't like the bulging eyeballs. I just, when I was being a kid, being like, fuck, this show is bugging me out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I doubt. Yeah, I doubt. Although, dude, I don't know, man, if you put me in the swirl of that, dude, I mean, just as vibrant, just vibrant spices and stuff. I could like get used to it. I get I could just get totally lost in the dizzying aromas.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And did they complain the whole time?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It would have been warranted to be like, dude, you're stinking. Smelled terrible. It is nice, though, because if I get a fat Uber driver, it's easy to tip them in. I just don't know. I like to get them kind of complaining a little bit. So all you got to do is be like, fuck is that guy? And they'll just start a fat complaint spaz. This guy drives like a fucking ass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Dude, I'd be complaining. I mean, for real, if you're carrying all that extra stress on your joints, it's like, that's like a serious form of just kind of like a stress reduction. You just got to start to complain and be like, fuck me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Cause you're only getting fatter every day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
yeah, true. American fat has like a chemical component to it. It's like, it's no, there's no, it was like vaginal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. It's like fish. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
not much dude just fucking uh that's all i have to report i got an uber with a fat guy that's good a stinky fat smell for real is i i would do yeah i would do the streets of calcutta any day over like a hard even like a vague fat smell that i'm like is that what's going on yeah i've been looking for the drones i've acute my eyes peeled out here talk to me i talked to an alien guy
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Sick. It was a pure happenstance. I was like, yeah, I'll talk to an alien guy, James Fox. He did. He did. Like, he was actually a big time alien guy. I didn't know he was like he did like multi ton of documentaries. He sold to like different networks. Fucking blew my mind, dude. He was talking about, you know, about Camp Penis in Brazil. Camp penis? It's Camp Peñas in Vagina, Brazil.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I've been hated. I've been dabbling in animation right now, and I've always told the animators, like, none of that Ren and Stimpy bullshit, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I swear to God. Camp penis is in Vagina, Brazil. It's something like Vagina, Brazil. And dude, he was talking about the UAPs and he just hit the fucking Camp Peñas.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But, yeah, he was a man. People fucking grabbed this, like, alien craft crashed in Brazil, and this guy tried to touch the alien to, like, bring him down. And two people who touched the aliens died, according to James Fox. I mean, I went in UAP totally agnostic, and now I totally believe, dude. The truth is definitely out there somewhere.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So, yeah, the UAPs are having a moment right now. That's what I'm all about, just people having moments. LaMera's having a moment right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He did KT. Lemaire did KT. Oh, nice one. And it went where? Only two weeks ago.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
True. Possibly a bow tie.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it's on YouTube. And a guy went on there with just his hair was so fucked up. It was funny. He was doing the straight, like, grade school comb down, but he was losing it. So it was just, like, lines that he then took, like, some sort of marker mascara to, like, Cover this up. Dude, he was like he walked out and people literally laughed. It was a mothership full of people laughed on site.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Still had no idea. He's no clue. He's just like, OK, cool. And he starts doing his jokes. And and then we just started, you know, we're just like fucking with him. And then Tony convinced him to shave his head. So he actually shaved his head in between the things. And he looked great. He came out. It was like a really nice moment.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He totally did. And it was, dude, it was like, totally. It was, I, I, you know, I'm like, okay, I can't really see it. Obviously I'm straight as hell, but it's like, he was so right. He was so right. And it was like a nice moment where I think he like changed this guy's life. And then the dude, he was like, yeah, come back in a month. We'll check back in with you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
The dude signed up for the very next week. So, you know, those episodes don't air right away. So he comes out, gets in the bucket pool. Which, you know, it was just everyone's like, I was rigged. But it's like, why would he pick that guy twice? Because it didn't it didn't air. So no one knew what this guy was talking about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So he was just like, by the way, to after he's on Kill Tony changes his Instagram to like whatever his name is on Kill Tony. So it's like it's just like his whole life now. He comes out on Kill Tony the next week beating like one to three hundred odds. And just as like talking about his shaved head and the whole crowd's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Because he's not really funny at all. He just completely blew it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Lemesie's having a moment, dude. He did that. He was on stand-up on the spot. Lemesie is totally having a moment right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You got to put the boulder behind him, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I got to do a bar crawl tonight. Billy Brook is like skateboarding. Not my fault. So, yeah, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Bar crawl will be sick. My plan is to eat a weed gummy to slow myself down. But we'll see.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He told me it was fucking the other room and it's haunted.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You're like an old farmer on his plot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't fuck with old houses. I don't like them, man. They freak me out. I don't like old houses. I like them when someone else is here. True. Yeah, that's kind of nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Until they get gripped by their ankles and ripped out of bed. You're like, dude, you got to go. Don't joke about that, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But my garage has become the basement. I got to, at the end of the night, check if the garage door is shut.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I get scared looking into my garage. It's scary. There's definitely a guy fucking waiting in here the whole time. I open the garage and it's like, you know, you just see stuff in the dark. I hear you, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it'll be sick, man. It'll be right in time for the chilly weather right into the warm.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Excited to have you back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
How was that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He's good. He's a beggar.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He's got that glove money.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That does. I see him as a glove guy, though. That suits O'Connor. Driving gloves.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
O'Connor, he decided to really just kind of get into his whiteness today.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He's a New Englander, dude. You know what I mean? He is. Three-quarter zip, golf glove.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I can see that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You got to join the equestrian club and just menace him on the horse while he golfs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Just putting it to get your shirt off and just be like, Kirby, don't miss.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I have the hair for it. Here's my thing. If I were black, I would talk. Like, really black. You know what I mean? I don't know. I always feel bad. What are you trying to say to Sidney? I wasn't allowed. You can do whatever you want.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I was watching him. I thought he was pretty cool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You get, if you just got the gallop by him on a fence, like, Ooh,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, dude, enjoy the holidays, and I'll be excited to have my fucking... I'm back to doing nothing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You needed that, dude. You needed a moment. It was great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's crazy when you take time off and you blow your mind. You're like, dude. You're like, yo, porn rules.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I guess I was benchmarked. Urkel set a hard benchmark.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
if you take time off it for real like blows you get like 7th grade brain on porn if you like just really take time off you're like oh shit I think that lady's having an orgasm yeah it's pretty cool so I got that going for me nice man other than that dude the big deal for me is Friday heading out to Notre Dame dude it's gonna be sick and I'll have a guest with me
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
True, yeah, he did. I read a thing recently with Urkel. He gave an interview about how he says that he's not included in the pantheon of black entertainment as Urkel.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'll be there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I know. I think I'll be there at 4P.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Either way, I'm going to have my long undies on because it's going to be 17 degrees. It's going to be so cold. Definitely long undies. I'm excited, bro. I can't wait. It'll be fun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You'd have to. That would be actually sick as fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
true um all right i'll let you go all right bro good talking to you man i'm gonna go get some dinner and uh dude it was great talking to you and i'll have back my you know i'll be able to stop meeting people which you know not my favorite thing to do in the world i've had to meet people all month not the best of that but uh 2025 we're back it's just fucking didn't we put out like a best of
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We're good. We're covered. We're good until the new year, dude. Then we'll just fucking rip.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Exactly. That's all I think about now. Let's just put out the best of again for this year, like the old one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We should.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He said fine, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's something like that, yeah. It's something bad. Lemaire just had one of those. I had two. I've had them before, too. Everyone's getting cysts. I didn't have one for a while. I've cleaned up my ass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it's a wake-up call. If you and Lemaire's assholes are up to the same thing, you've got to start switching it up. You've got to figure something out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
People weren't buying it. People were like, go back to the nerd character. But no, he was saying, like, if they say the all-time great black shows, it's like Martin, blah, blah, blah. And he was like, no one mentions Family Matters. That's wild. Because the Cosby show gets mentioned. And he tried to say it was because of, like... I don't know. He was like, it was because of the, like, family vibe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I don't know how I feel about it. Everyone is celebrating. I mean, I'm like, I get that. But I'm like, is that ultimately the best move to be like, yeah, dude. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
How did he do that without putting his credit card in? I thought that'd be, like, the most traceable. Like, if you took a lime scooter away, they'd be like, yeah, there it is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, the city bike getaway is pretty crazy. Yeah. But I think he's probably not the first guy to get away from a crime like you were saying on the city bike. But I wonder how people hack those. That's kind of nuts. People can hack lime scooters, too. You can hack a lime scooter and do burnouts on it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I would like going into other people's hotel rooms.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But yeah, the Cosby show gets mentioned all the time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It would be a J.K.S.A.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Just choke him. Let him pass out when I wake up. Just fucking kidding, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I didn't fuck your ass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
fucking jerk you i jerked you a little bit just to make it believable stop crying though yeah that would be terrifying i'm like always ready for that to happen in a hotel room get jerked a little no i'm already i'm trust me i'm taking care of that but i'm covering my bases with that but that's your right whistle you're already pre-jerked so no one's getting me up dude i've depleted myself but the uh
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it is way more family vibe. Yeah, I don't know. He must be... He's bullshitting, then.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, like, I just hear, like, doors slam, and I always assume it's mine. I'm always like, ugh. Yeah. I'm, like, ready for someone to try to bum rush me. Do you ever have, like, the staff knock on your door? Is that what bum rushing is? Like, getting your butt rushed? Bum? I don't know. That's a good question. Or maybe bums of the old, you know, bums of the old times just rushing you. Like, argh.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He's just... He is... I don't know. I feel like... I know white people loved Family Matters. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
For sure. I think it's a, even consensually is a big fear among men. But the, I think the, it's got to be a military term, if I had to guess.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Maybe. Maybe. Yeah. Okay. I want to show them what the fuck is coming down here. What's it mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it's a hobo.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That was the Jack Black book, were bums. I didn't talk about bum Russian. But they used to do a thing where they would take migrant farmers, they would, like, catch guys coming off of a... Like, getting onto a railroad from, like, working in, like, Utah for a summer farming, and then you'd have all your wages for the entire season.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And they'd have, like, homeless... They were called, like, the hobos, or, like, the tramps. They called them yeg men back then. Yeah. Which was because the Chinese people, when they saw homeless guys, would call them yek. They'd go...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And then, for real, you go to the Chinese people and they kind of have some food and they're like, yeah, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But they, you know, whatever. But they would, like, catch people who worked. Imagine working for a whole summer, having all your money from that summer, and then a guy just coming into your, like, train cart being like, give me your fucking dough.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And well, the railroad guys would be in on it, too, because they would team up with the bombs. The bomb would be like, show me, give me, let me in the room and I'll split it with you. And then they would take all your money and just like you're like an immigrant farmhand. They would just kick you off the next stop and you just end up in North Dakota with no money. You're stuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Back then you were like there was no start walking. So go on me. That's just where you live from then on. And you had to just like pray to God that you didn't die.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's crazy. I didn't know that. I knew they had a word that was close.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And then they, when they finally get their word. Three times, the genie Shaq.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I love Shaq, bro. Yo, Shaq. I'm happy he's getting paid. Papa John is crazy. Him doing the Papa John. I still can't get over that. Papa John said the N-word. Next thing I know, Shaq just has like a million dollars. Summed him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't know the exact detail. So what was he just. So I saw the Black Lives Matter guy being like he was that clip. I will say it's very sad, but he was like, they're going to choke us for being loud.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Anything else. Politely turning is good. That's not working. Yeah, dude, but I don't know. What was the details? Was he threatening somebody?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And the struggle sort of... It's like a white belt fucking spaz.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Hold on. So the guy died in a wrestling match?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So he was trying to hold on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
If you're going to go nuts on the subway, you've got to be rassle ready. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it's like, you know, I don't know. He didn't shoot the guy. He rassled him. Right. So it's like, that is not great. But it's also like, dude, here's my thing. If there's a homeless white guy who's being a dickhead on the subway and someone rassled him and he died. I wouldn't even blink.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'd be like, all right, fucking later, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You weren't rass already. Some of them do go that way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it's just, they disintegrate and, like, blow into the... Yeah, I mean, again, I don't really see... For me, it's like... I don't know, man. He was popping off. Yeah. He was popping off and he got rassled.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He played the game. He got rassled. It's a dangerous game. I mean, if he was like fucking physically choking the guy out, I don't know. Here's the thing. If a guy's going on like threatening women, what was the threat? That's a detail.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He was playing a game of life and death. That's rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Throw your head. It is so funny for a guy to be like, yeah, all right, I'm going to fucking choke this guy out. But he might have been getting in people's faces. My thing is, say he did swing and punch a lady in the face. If it was building up to that. Yeah. There was an old Asian lady that was only a matter of time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think that's a it's a problem. But it's like to build that into like a social injustice. I'm like, nah, man, that's a fucking crazy homeless guy who got wrestled.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
On the train. He died. That's not like a systemic... I mean, again, the guy... I think that's where the public is going to go with it, too. Yeah, I don't think... Nobody really... The guy got off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He fucked around.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You think so?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm in for it. I saw a post recently that was like their shooters and it was Kyle Rittenhouse and they're like our shooters and it was like ripped insurance guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. That's so sus. True. That is kind of weird. I did see a lot of the Italians should be ashamed of themselves. I saw a lot of my Italian compatriots being like, we're back, baby. It's like, don't. We up. That's disgusting. Don't put that on the pedestal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
There's not a part of you that's like, yeah, let's go. Yeah. I mean, it's cool, but it's like, I don't know. I don't know anything about that guy, the CEO of healthcare. Insurance companies are fucking brutal, but I don't know enough about that guy to be
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't empathize with the guy at all. I get it. I do get it. But I'm going, damn, dude, if a bunch of people start CEO spazzing. That's fucking... What would that look like? Let us replace him with other CEOs. And all those guys who are shooting people... It's going to be the worst job in the world.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I have a family. Here's my problem with it. All those dudes would love to also be a CEO who are shooting CEOs. They're like, yo, dude, we're going to put you corner office a million dollars a year. They're going to be like, well, yeah, sweet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Well, it's going to be CEO. There's going to be so much security now. Like, schools need people with guns, CEOs, you know. Yeah, my school just had a lockdown. He was lacking. Yeah. Lacking like a moth.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Dude, I couldn't agree more. You can't be fucking lacking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Every time I take my trash out, I'm not packing, but I'm walking around just being like, I'm always ready for the bum rush. It's just unfortunate reality, but I am for real. Anytime I take the trash out at night, I'm like... What? You're saying couldn't be me? Couldn't be, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Never me. Must it be me?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I still like when I open the door, I kind of will peek. That's how you get someone. You open the door. Wow.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Kind of like look out. See who it is. I'm not. It can't be me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I mean, I could get got. Anyone can get got. But I'm really trying not to get got like that. Roger kids school get locked down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I was around the same time as Family Matters. I knew Three's Company was like, black people love that show. Jack Tripper. I've never seen that either. When I worked for the labor union, I was constantly just hearing about Jack Tripper. Because I lived with my ex-wife and her mother. They'd be like, Jack Tripper, damn, bro. Jack Tripper. I was a wild bull. No, I'm not.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
A little rain date.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm going to come back on a Wednesday and shoot the school. I got a doctor's appointment I can't miss. I'm supposed to get a lollipop.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm kind of jealous that like the kids of today get to do like lockdown tough in front of the girls. I would wish I had that opportunity to be like, yeah, let that motherfucker come in here, bro. Yeah. I got you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I was born in the wrong era, dude. Yeah. That'd have been so sick. He's rallying the bros. He's like, bro, I'm going to fuck this guy up so bad. You got them all hockey-ing in the room waiting for the door to open. Kiss your cross. Just be like, give me a kiss before I go out to battle, babe. I'm going to go take a shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Nerds now are like Middle Eastern guys after 9-11. You know what I mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What the fuck? There's a note like that. Everyone's looking at every nerd. Yeah, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Oh, you have a bad day, dude? Yeah. Are you going to fess up to what you did?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Are kids getting bullied like that anymore? Or is this just like pure nerd rage? Yeah, I think it's just rage.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's a vibe. Yeah, bullying. It's a vibe. It's just a vibe now. I just felt it. It's a vibe someone gets on. Yeah, this is a viable thing. I can just be the school. There's goths. There's bullies. There's school shooter guys. I'm just going to fucking wild out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's a parent's fault. It's your fucking parent's fault. There's no way, dude. If your kids are like, I'm going to fucking shoot this motherfucker up. It's purely the parents.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, my parents said I can't shoot up a school. Listen to a One Direction album backwards. It's like, do it. Gun loose. It's so annoying. Hopefully this fad dies. Yeah. Has it been one in a while? We're definitely in a slow season, I think. It's been chill or they're just not reporting them. I think they get reported every time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It could be a closed loop system. I don't know because I think there's... The last time I followed it, I got kind of numb to the school shootings. But then I saw there was a lot of, like, involvement from a community. And people would hesitate. The last, like, two, I think, have been Trans Am. So then they took on a thing, and everyone was like, I don't want to talk about this anymore.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I looked it up and I was like, God damn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That was just my, look, I might put a value judgment on it, but I did hear that was going on. And people started being like, let's not talk. This is just uncomfortable.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We've got to drop the new Sonic, dude. For peace. We should just totally state fund the Sonic franchise. If we could put Sonic in a pill and give it to them every day. Otherwise they'd turn pure robotics.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Dude, Sonic is so unbearable to watch, except for people who have autism. It's crazy. You can't pay me enough to watch Sonic, dude. I'm like, I have nothing to do with the movie. I don't know if they think it's good, but it gets them very horny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. I was laughing. I was driving, I think, last night thinking about this, how, like, you know, it takes thousands of years for people to organize themselves, like, with the ability to, like, gather enough resources so they can, like, philosophize and get abstract. Word.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We've gone through, like, the Greek society got themselves, the Romans, and we have, America did that in, like, a pretty short period of time. And it's funny, we're just sitting around us being like, what if I chomped off my penis? What if Sonic was pregnant? It's wasted. Just like so many battles and hardships.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I mean, it's a part of a thriving and robust society. They're a symptom of it. It's not even just them. There's like philosophers of gender studies and there's, you know, there's like other philosophers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
yeah yeah that's like a big thing it's like a it's just like we you know we like handled matter in ancient greek time and now we're up to like what to do with our dicks and pussies like what should we really do with what's the next tip you're always on the next tip what's after this What's after? What to do with our dicks and pussies? I don't know. Or is that it? That's it. We're in the endgame.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That'll be like the static on your satellite dish when you're getting boner. You'll be like, God damn it, I can't fucking remember everything. Fuck, turn it off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Shut it off. Just fuck it up by neural link.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You just get snow. It's like... You're just reciting like every single king of every European country and you're like... Fuck! Hard as hell again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Very tight. It's going to be really fucked up. It will be fucked up. Yeah, I think because it'll never stop because every new invention changes the world a little bit so that you then have a new conception of the world, which leads to new inventions, which new conception. It's a spiral.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's a twin helix.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't know, dude. I think I think people are going to get I think it's already happening where people are getting real into like pseudo farm life.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
people are going to probably dial it down but the new generation is going to get into like a lot of homesteaders on youtube yeah it's going to be that for a while but with the neural link i don't know how to grow my crowd i don't know i honestly don't know i think we'll get we will get over like the whole kind of like the argument's not even so much like the physical chopping off your penises and stuff it's like does your penis actually define you as like an identity that's the question it's a deep philosophical question you know i would say my personality is much bigger than my penis
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, but that's the question of our time. It's one of them. Does your genitalia actually have... Is there a reality that the type of genitalia you have dictates the way you'll be in some sense? Or is it totally a blank slate?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Victim of his own success, you're saying?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
There is a wormhole. There's a quick... If you're getting that much pussy as he was probably getting, you can easily hit a wormhole and go full gay. I agree that it isn't his fault in that regard. If you have your fourth... I mean, what's the most- That's Nirvana.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, true. So you slip them a little.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Sign them and do it later.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Because that was like the Cool Boarders era, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't know, Puff. I'm about to hit the 1080. Yeah, that's a fair point. It's like, you know, but again, there was all the deception, you know, with like the drugging potentially.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What wasn't invented at that time was period. So you remember like period. So it wasn't like full stop. Yes, exactly. Full stop. We didn't have that yet. That technology wasn't invented. We didn't talk to the hand. No one talked to the hand. That was just to slow somebody down. Yeah, yeah. You can move right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's a yellow light. Talk to the hand. What's a yellow light? Yeah, it's a yellow light. And then you can be like, as if.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We didn't know how to say no back then. It didn't exist. Dude, the word the, you know the word the is unique to, I think, Western languages. Not all. I think there might be some other cultures that have the word the or some equivalent to it. But there's a lot of other cultures that don't have the.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And the word the allows you to bring other verbs and adjectives into a noun state and abstract things that other cultures can't do. You're making me furious right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, no, think about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I refuse to think about that. Good is an adjective, but you can say the good, and it turns into like a noun that you can kind of abstract and kind of think like, what is the good? What is good actually? I thought it was kind of sick. So Eastern languages don't have the? Some, I don't think some do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, he wasn't supposed to be in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They didn't know it. It just wasn't there. Just like we just learned no, for real, in 2020. We didn't know what it was. But yeah, dude, they don't have the. That fucking freaked me out. Native Americans were like all verbs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, that is funny too. That was like a show, a compelling plot to be like, you can't live in here with two women by yourselves.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I kind of like that. I don't know. How sick is the though, dude? How sick is the? That's pretty sick. I was just bugging out on that the other day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's like I. I is like crazy. That's me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Only in, what was that, like 1990? No, that was much earlier. 80s? Had to be 80s.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, but that's different. That's a collective. The is just like that thing. That thing over there. What about dat? Dat right there? What about dat?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It is. So it is suck. Like it sucks because you're are like, you know, we're all organisms seeking pleasure. And it does like to have that like, no, you have to just be like, you're going to stop your whole horny body and be like, fine.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Curse you and your evil smells. What is the no even anyway? Let's bring this into the abstract realm.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think a landlord doesn't want you living by yourself with two women, as you shouldn't.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
This no you speak of, what is it? Jesus Christ. God damn it, dude. All right. Well, I think we did it. Where are we at here? About, oh, only 50. What are we at here? We got plenty of time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Oh, an hour and a half. I'm looking at that video going, what the hell? That's been definitely an hour. I could feel it in my bones. Feel it in my motherfucking bones. What do you guys have? Anything burning on your minds you want to talk about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Did you hear about the lady who had sex with 100 men? The OnlyFans lady? Oh, yeah. She made a documentary.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. How old were you? Was it like four or two? Was it? How old were the kids? Like four or two?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. Also, little kids, if you're like, you got to piss your pants, it's not that off the table.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
yeah that second grade is crazy but if you're talking like four or two year old four is a little much but two two year olds will piss don't give a fuck dude yeah i know they're on their like chloe's on her potty uh potty training right now but like if i were to be like i'm gonna wait till you pee your pants she'd be like all right pussy you just pee your pants bet fuck you change them bitch dude having to change all those kids at once must have sucked
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What would you rather do, change 18 kids' peed pants or have 100 guys have sex with you? He had piss in his eyes? He was crazy. That's a lot of piss. That's more piss than a hundred cums.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's very dense. It's like a medieval tavern.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Here's the thing. You never get to see the end of that. You know, it's like if you see that kind of thing, you're like, oh. You never get to see, like, the real kind of final act.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
There were no 100 cums in medieval times. That was one. You don't think so?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They'd have to burn the village down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That was like, you get like two. Throw torches on your thatched roofs. Yeah, you'd be out by yourself. Dude, if you had a medieval guy smell 100 combs, they would like fall to their knees. And be like, my God.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
True, everything did smell.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Do you think medieval people smelled their cum? Like they would bust a load and be like... Taste it. Yeah. My God. Because it probably wasn't gay in medieval times to taste your cum.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, true. You know what I mean? Like there wasn't like a thing being like, that's when guys suck each other. They didn't know about that. So they're probably like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't think you could. I mean, I think that was like crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That'd be such a sick use of a time machine to travel through time and call people gay and just see how they react and take notes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Walk like a gay ass woman.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Then be like, excuse me? And you'd have to explain, like, no, I think I'm accusing you of having sex with another man. Like, it would freak them out. They couldn't even conceptualize it. Just hit him with a 69.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They're still eating rabbits and shit. Dude, that'd be so funny. That'd be pretty wild. There's that guy, I can't stop watching his videos on YouTube, where he has a convenience store on the south side of Chicago, and he does gay. He, like, calls, like, he'll, like, just do, like, gay. He'll insinuate that black dudes are gay, and dude...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
When you're like, I'm going to end my sentence with my brother, I'm like, why don't you every time?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, they could have been like, let's get the numbers, dude. You get the insurance claim. Someone's going to jail for that. You hit the fucking. Yeah. You run into the motherfucking snacks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. You can't crunch snacks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's going to be a big thing, though, of convenience stores. It is a funny idea. Because the convenience stores is like, you know, a convenience store in the hood, you're making what? Like maybe a thousand bucks a day? I knew someone who ran a convenience store in like, I don't know, wherever the fuck it was, like, like Oak Lane somewhere.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They were like breaking down like the numbers of the convenience store. It wasn't crazy. They were like, you make a living, but like you can make way more. My whole point is you can make way more doing the streams. So if you're using the convenience store just for the streams, you probably can make way more.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
she was like it's not for me but i could see it being for other apparently apparently inside the room uh the production were gagging because like there were the smell of cum was so like there was so much cum that it was like that's i didn't think i've never thought about that that's disgusting yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, true. But it's also, but they're coin rich, which is sick. That is cool. Being coin rich is nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Scrooge McDuck. Always want to see that. Being coin rich is actually kind of nice, so. Just to hear it, ch-ch-ch-ch. You don't even have a money counter. You just have like a coin, one of those coin counters, a coin star in your house.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's saving your change.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I did. I didn't like the grocery store ones because they did take their cut. I'd always be like, yeah, motherfuckers. But TD Bank had Penny Arcade that was free if you had a TD Bank account.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Did you really? Hell yeah. One time I got close enough where they gave me a hat or some bullshit. Damn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I kind of lumped my quarters up in a way to give me an educated guess. Dude, what are we, fucking psychic? How the hell are we going to know how many coins we have?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Also, you know what's sick? Saving ones. Save all your ones. And after like a month, dude, you're like, holy fuck, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm always using my phone. I was always jealous of those guys. Could be like, here, I'm going to give you this. Give me back the whole dollar. And I'd always be like, how did you fucking do that, Matthew? That fast? That's crazy. That's a baller move. I was always like, yeah, you win. Here's your dollar. I don't know how this works. I don't even know if I gave you the right change.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But yeah, here you go.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What are you working with? Where'd you get that change from? Did you fly with that change, or did you break a bill?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Let's get that change.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I just saw a second little bit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
$2.25? I'm going to go with one cent.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
i'll be honest like look do what you want but like having that 100 100 knee deep in the cum cistern 100 100 loads and like did they all not
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I got that second look. I said that's about $2. That's in the $2 range. That was all quarters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. Yeah. You see one of those mechanical horses, you're like, I'm feeling like riding today. Yeah. Getting a tiny fire engine at the supermarket.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'll get $180 on that thing. Look, I don't care what you say on this podcast. Don't act like I won't ball out on a power car, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You're crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I actually just got balled out on a power card the other day. Okay. No, it was some other type of, like a similar bowling arcade place. And a lot of the machines weren't working. I almost wanted to talk to somebody. Like, dude, what the fuck kind of operation you're running here?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, power card is fucking janky as hell.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Well, get someone who can. Try to play four-way ping pong with my four-year-old daughter.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Dude, I get pissed when I put the puck down. A dead spot?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it is upsetting. No, customer service sucks now. It's crazy. Yeah. It's so fucking bad. Almost everywhere you go. I'm astonished. If someone's like just even mildly pleasant, I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah. To become a CEO, you want to get shot, dude. Be careful, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, customer service is taking a hard nosedive.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think those guys actually do get shot a lot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
By the bad men. Yeah, shooting a cashier is crazy. Yeah, but they be tripping. They sometimes act like you can't shoot them. I think the guys who shoot them come in being like, I'm going to shoot this motherfucker and take all his money. The cashiers do pop off. They pop off too much. I mean, think about it. You are like the power of money just flows through you all day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I've seen those videos where they shoot guys that come up behind 7-Eleven. They blast them. It's just 40,000 comments like, that's what you get. Yeah. That's what you get. It's like, yeah, I mean, it's a dangerous game.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So some of the guys didn't come. I'm assuming. Man, they probably pulled off to the side and finished. Those are the real victims here. You're like guy 45. They're also crying here. Some guys are probably just enjoying it. You're a guy 45 and you just get to, like, wet your pen. You're like, all right, get out of here. That's nuts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
True. Throw some fucking taquitos at him just scalding hot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Like a medieval torture. They should have the cheese barrels just come down. Oh, that would be so sick. Like when castles have tar.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Defend the line. Come out, the hood goes crazy on you, dude. You have to barricade yourself in there. Yeah, if you can't be an armed robber, you get killed. That's live by the sword, die by the sword. Yeah, pretty honorable. Yeah, I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just fucked up, but I don't get riled up. All the stuff people get riled up about online, I just see it and I go, okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm in the mode. It's all an abstraction. I don't know that guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I just watch that shit and I'm like, I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's for real like a mental disease. But then there's like the thing, but then there's the spaz about the reaction because the Black Lives Matter guy was calling for black vigilantes. And then people are like, can you fucking believe this? And it's like, oh, yeah, it's all the same. Shut up. It's people spazzing out. People in bots. You're all dipping in the same punch bowl. Exactly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So, well, actually, we're upset now. We're deeply offended. And it's like, dude, get the fuck out of here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Go take a walk. Get a fucking life, dude. Get a fucking life, dude. Get a fucking life. It's not going to, I don't know. It's just that shit fucking bothers me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, do something, man. Just go fucking, I don't know, do something else and read it. I can't believe a lot of it's fake, but I really, I think people are genuinely reading it and like engaging and freaking out and being like, oh, fucking, this is fucking bullshit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, Facebook Marketplace is kind of nice. Some characters there. Yeah, it's kind of nice. I went off of Facebook for the longest time, and I went back on here and there because people are like, oh, I messaged you on Facebook. And every time I go back on there, I'm like, oh, my God. It feels like a ghost town to me. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You feel the breeze on your wet penis as you're walking back to put your shorts on. That would be funny, just mashing your half-heart bird into this lady for two minutes. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? Yeah, nobody talks about the hundred guys. Let's examine the road that led me here. Yeah, no one talks about how the 100 guys are equally as problematic as a lady.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. Facebook's crazy. I can't believe it's still going on. There's nothing happening. Yeah, man. It's a dead zone. How's the comedy, Philly Comedy Network on Facebook? Is that still people spazzing out?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I haven't checked.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I'm out of here. I might go back to the Philadelphia Comedy Network and start some sort of multi-level marketing comedy thing. I was like, you guys want a big podcast? You might have to get in line.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I have internet lessons and have people sign up and just rip. Dude, I like the Hawk Tua thing, too. The coin?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Hawk Tua released her own cryptocurrency and then just... She rug pulled them. You think she rug pulled?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't believe that's any, I can't believe those. I think it's got to be a bot. Yeah. Although, you'd be surprised. There's people probably like, it's a no-brainer. Yeah, the same.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
The Beanie Baby people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. Like, I'm going to tank this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't know how that works, but you would need your own independent blockchain for that? Or is that just like, what even is it? Nobody knows. I think it's people Venmoing you their money, and you're like, oh, look.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Now we're talking. That's old and busted. Is it really? That's dusty. Talking your meme coin into an NFT. Yeah. I never understood that. People are like, no, you can just start one. You can do like a picture. Then you like sell it for $30,000. Yeah. I never understood that. I can agree. No one's paying $30,000 for anything I can produce.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
For like a drawing or something or an internet. That'd be crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Meme coin, rug pull. I promise you won't rug pull.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's the whole point of this. No, you have to promise that you won't, though. Oh, right. I definitely won't. Then I will.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You're there when they, like, pop the confetti. They're trying to, like, cheer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Shout out Zilla, yeah. Yeah, it is. I mean, again, it's like I've no disrespect to the Tua, but it's like... It's like a non-product. It's like an offshoot of like a weird... Like there's no real value.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We're in the new phase. Yeah. We just want to like monetize weird personalities and just be like, fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm hungry.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Let's go munch. I'm starving. You guys fucking rule. Thank you so much.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What else can I do, dude?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Your dick gets to, like, break through a little tape.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
This is the industry. How bad do you want it? Now we're just going to chill and play some basketball at my house. Life's going out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, shirts and skins.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Tonight's naked basketball for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm telling you, man. I'm trying to get my status.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm trying to defeat no in my life as well. That's the point of it. Enjoy the room.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, that's guy 100. There's got to be a guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's dumping water on itself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
There's got to be a guy who calls that. Someone has to call that. There's got to be a guy walking in, like, flicks a cigarette on the ground. He's like, I'll go last.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Watch this. This is my 45th one. It's like a marathon bumper sticker on his car. He's 100. I love being guy 100.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, that's kind of like insane to be like, yeah, I'm going to sign up and do that. I'm going to be like the 40th guy or first lead off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, her eyes widen. Oh, apparently her eyes were sore. They were coming on her eyes, apparently. Holy... Yeah, apparently her eyes were sore from just... They were laden with... This is crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. I mean, it's not ideal, right? I'm not trying to ring the moral alarm, but I'm like, it's just not a good use of time and resources.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think it was in an hour. That was kind of the impressive part, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, here's my thing. I'm like, I don't think any girl wants to have sex with 100 guys. I think most girls don't even want to have sex with one guy. Good guys. Yeah. Who are there every day. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Pay the bills. Girls don't want to have sex with one guy. Most of you love their life. He's a great father to their kids.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I totally have sex with 100 guys. A very patient and calm father. I might show my wife that. She had sex with 100 guys. I'm asking for a handjob, dude. Maybe two more of my friends. I'd be impressed if she gave 100 guys a handjob. I would say that's impressive, and I salute you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That I could get into.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I mean, at one point, your arms would get so tired, you would need, like, prosthetic assistance.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So you could get, like, robo-braces.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You wouldn't eat the mech suit eventually. But yeah, that's a shame. That's a shame that that's become like a viable path. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No. OnlyFans is like, I've heard it's like, it's not that crazy for a young woman, a college age woman to be like, yeah, we'll start an OnlyFans, you know, kick some money up on the side.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You can say shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm not going to lie. I'm going to, I think as a parent, you should be monitoring that shit into the early 20s and putting kind of like a kibosh on that. You see, but I think it's sort of like burner accounts, I guess. It's like no having sex with 100 guys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
How'd you gain the 70s? God damn. How? Yeah. Oh, Jack in the Box. You're just putting a lot of chips on the table both ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I stopped intermittent fasting and training, exercising altogether. And Jack in the Box.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
My fattest, I was 413. Yo. And I got down to 240. Yeah, 413. How long did it take you to get from 430 to 215?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
to focus on the rules beforehand. They're very important.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yeah, they only have like two video games here. Yeah, Time Crisis and Guitar Hero.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
And I will try to edit together and put out a full video from the Blazortag GoPro footage on the Patreon soon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
dude i even touch a rock i'm high knees and out of the water bro i was telling the mayor i was like dude just come in the ocean you're fine man he's like there's like there's like sharks i'm like there's some fucking sharks in here we were like we went out pretty far like into a sandbar and then you get him out far he literally he cannot swim it was it was waist it was waist high and then it went up to like up to your knees there's like a really sick that's really dangerous to bring him out there
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I told you, my one friend in an absolute, the most depraved move was with visiting with a girlfriend, hanging with the family, ducked off, hit the fucking wash, reunited back with the family, wet hair and all, and was like, what's up, guys? Like, the craziest fucking move.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
yeah with your own family it's like okay it's still nuts but with like someone else's family that is a wild i mean i know you know all all respect goes through the fucking move it's a sick move powerful move break out like our family's gonna stress me out i'm gonna get jacked off by a sex life all right and i'm back and fully bathed and like wet hair and showers just coming back and laughing at what they're laughing at
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Dude, that fucking Gatorade they dumped on the coach. I was spying that Gatorade. I'm like, dude, they got to give that guy a raise. Whoever's concocting that stuff, that was bright yellow Gatorade. That shit's not watered down at all. No. Oh, dude, this made me laugh. Okay, so first things first. The bookstore I pull up, I was relieved at the very end of it there was a bookstore.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
And I was like, I told you there's a bookstore up here, dude. And he's like, yeah, whatever, man. I go into the bookstore. It was the worst layout I've ever seen where, you know, it was like the Hogwarts library or any old library. There's like giant ladders and the books are stacked super high.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
most of the books were like as high as your fucking ceiling and they were like you can't get on the ladders it's like well i don't know what's up there so how could i even ask it was like and then they were like going over these old like antique maps so anytime i try to get to the other end they got there i'd be like uh excuse me guys and they would be like okay and then like move out of the way and i'm like bro what the fuck man trying to buy some books from your fucking store anyway it's pissing me off
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
but the thing that made me laugh was i was i'm out there i forgot my belt this weekend every single i forgot my belt this week dude and i was telling the mayor i had a flashback to when you were in new york and you were just like you showed me your closet and there was like 40 belts i'm like damn you have so many belts you're like i got to get a new belt like every week because i forget them and i remember i told the mayor i confessed i was like bro
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
That was, like, the most jealous I've ever gotten, being like, that's so fucking sick, dude. Just getting that many belts out of necessity.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I'd forget them I'd never take them on the road so then I'm like I need a belt I was just laughing being like dude that's so sick to have so many belts and then like the one time I had to buy a belt on the road I was like dude it's all happening bro I have a belt from traveling yeah you made it I thought it was so sick I thought it was so sick it's nothing compared to my Milwaukee fit bro when I lost when my luggage got lost I had to buy a whole new when I got the Vans Vans t-shirt yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
well here's the thing i saw there was a guy i was telling the mayor i'm like there was a dude who went like for real like 60 yards out and i was like just you don't want to be the furthest guy out that's the shark that's the shark guy you stay just halfway through and then uh and we went out to the sandbar and after we got we got done at the beach we got an uber back and the guy was like oh daniel beach you know there's a lot of sharks i looked it up i was like yep great whites dude
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I had to do that once. I went to Dick's, and I bought, like, golf pants and, like, a T-shirt, and that was kind of sick. But, yeah, I didn't buy a belt. I was bending over on stage, and I'm pretty sure, like, part of my ass crack came out at one point. I was like, apologies, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I was very Fallon. I was hands in pocket, classic. Classic late night. But I was really kind of just holding up my pants because they were fucking... They kept coming down on me. Because I've lost a couple pounds, bro. I'm out of the 180s. I'm 179.6. That's good. It's pretty sick. I'm doing another fast, too. I was hoping. Five day. Yes. Monday through Friday.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
First 24 hours, dry fast, no water for 24 hours, no food or water 24 hours, and then four-day fat water fast with just salt. I'm going to petition for some electrolyte. I need an unflavored electrolyte mix because if you don't eat for a while, you lose all your electrolytes. There you go. There goes our hero, dude, the gas man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
How do they test? Do they just hold like a fucking lighter up and see if it flames up? I have no idea. I think you spray. Obviously not that, but. Sprays. I think they spray some type of soapy mixture and they see where it's bubbling. If I had to guess. Looks something like that. Yeah, I mean. Look, I could have. You should have told me. I would have went out there. I had no idea.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
What like builders get away with now, it's criminal. The place across from us in Philly, when we lived there, they were like luxury condominiums. And the windows, dude, I'm not lying, separated from the wall that much. No exaggeration. It was ungodly. And they were like, yeah, they just won't return our calls. They just throw them up. You just do it as cheap as you possibly can.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Just get the fuck out of there. What book did you get? Oh, boy. I had like four or five. It was like a fucking $150 gift certificate. Nice. So I got as many as I could possibly bring back without making my luggage too, too heavy. And then just gave a $60 credit to an old lady. But I started fucking with Finnegan's Wake from James Joyce. It's totally indecipherable.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
But I'm reading Joseph Campbell wrote, it's Finnegan's Wake Skeleton Key. So I've, I've been in absolute fucking heaven. You know, Joseph Campbell, not a hero with a thousand faces. He was like the, one of the first dudes to get like real into kind of like deciphering myths, kind of like how Peterson started.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
He was like, I mean, Carl Young obviously is a goat with it, but Campbell came up and made like a really approachable kind of understanding to just like myths and all, you know, whatever. And he, he's like going through with his boy reading Finnegan's wake and just being like, by the way, this is what he means by this. This is what he means by this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I mean, I've just been absolutely just like dumbstruck by Joyce's genius, dude. It's amazing. Nice. Dude, it's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Sounds like him. He didn't have any money. He was fucked. He spent, dude, he wrote a book. He like, you know, obviously Dubliners, short stories, classic. And he wrote Ulysses and everyone's like, okay, we're fucking with you. This is kind of a hard read. We're fucking with you. And then he spent, I think like 20 years of his life, a third of his life on Finnegan's Wake.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
And no one can, it just, he just makes up words. It's nonsense.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
but you have to have like it's one of those things where every other sentence is an illusion to like it's almost like you have to have like having a total understanding of like greek mythology because it'll like make an illusion obviously campbell's fucking goat ass is like oh by the way and he just expounds on it i've just been in absolute fucking heaven dude really he's like and then the main character turns back that sucks dude it's so no it's so sick you gotta read a book to read a book you gotta read it's gotta read a book that book
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
They migrate down during this time. They come down and chill, like, around there. And I was just telling him. I was like, my bad, Lemaire.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
No, dude, it's so good. Dude, the whole... Again, I have no understanding. I have a pitiful understanding of it, but it's, like, the book is about... Finnegan's Wake is about... I didn't know. It's about the guy who... He's, like, an eternal... It's based on, like, an Irish mythological figure who's, like, up on a ladder, falls and dies, and he's coming back to life.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
That's, like, the kind of, like, ballad or whatever. But then they, like, tie that into, like, the death and resurrection Jesus myth with these four quadrants. Now they have, like, the...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
caliuga kind of thing no it's like hard times make soft man blah blah there's a western version of that where it's basically uh like primal stuff there's like a theocracy then a king then they go to democracy and after every democracy they rise to the top and every literally every civilization civilization crumbles break time time for the gas man time out for the game hold on guys
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
That sounded like some Oscar Wilde bullshit, if I'm being honest. James Joyce. I mean, actually, it's funny because that... He doesn't cover that specifically. So in the book, it's based on Finnegan's Wake, but also the main character is like... I didn't know the city of Dublin is shaped on a hill that kind of resembles an old... They say a giant is sleeping in the ground.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
His head's on one side of the city and his feet's on the other side. So he's writing a novel about that guy who's like a giant in the ground, but then he... This is going to be really hard to explain, but he gives forth two sons that are kind of like the classic Cain and Abel. He gives forth. He gives forth.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
H-C-E and A-L-P. Wow, you talk about books. Dude, it's so sick. But he has, there's like these two brother figures, like the, Jesus Christ, I have a poor understanding, but basically the guy is not, Finnegan's awake, Finnegan's coming back to life, and they go, Finnegan, rest. We have a new father. And then it's this guy who's like apparently also a hill, but who's also a guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
does something kind of perverted in a park to these to this young girl he gets fucking he gets me too basically what yeah he gets me too there's these fucking hot ladies and it's all about how like man is always going to fall to the snooze that's like the one theme like it's it's going to happen man's going to fall to the snooze and then
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
dudes were like getting propelled by these forces that are always going to make us fight each other every civilization is going to collapse and he just kind of just like jumps in and out of like time and it's really cool of like different uh warriors and these two brothers shem and sean shem is like he's the deep writer type no one will ever love him yeah but he's the only one connected to the truth and they're sean who's just like killing it and they're always fighting and killing each other it's fucking tight
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
But sorry, it's again, I'm just going off Joseph Campbell's interpretation. Don't I don't want to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Can hammerheads bite you? I feel like that's one type of shark you could kind of outmaneuver. That lame-ass fucking head.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
There's all you can do. But that's when I've been reading that at night and just been absolutely in heaven. Just going back and forth doing like, oh, that's what that means. Oh, fuck, dude. The Thunderfish. I never even thought of the Thunderfish. Of course. Fucking awesome. Of course he means the Thunderfish. What is the Thunderfish doing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
uh it's just like the food of eternal life it's just like the ixa something it's yeah whatever the axis yeah the axis and then the word for like latin word for thunder but it is such a funny move to spend 30 years on a book and everyone was like dude what the fuck what are you doing sean Sean, I'm talking about the Thunderfish. Talking about Thunderfish, bro. Pause. Nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
It takes about two minutes to set up a frame using the Aura app. Bro, we got them right on the edge of their seats.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Love it, dude. My mom fucking loves it. My mom loves it. My mom's got 12 of these in her house. Yep. The best part is that it comes with unlimited storage. All you need is the free Aura app and a Wi-Fi connection, and you can upload, get this, as many photos and videos as you want year-round. Guys, right now, you can save on the perfect gift. That keeps on giving by visiting AuraFrames.com.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
You don't think you could just, like, grip its hammerhead and just... Pause.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
For a limited time, listeners can get $20 off their best-selling Carver mat frame with code MSSP. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com. Promo code MSSP. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions do apply.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
They don't even, you don't even talk about that. That's just, that just happened.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I was a little like, Oh, this is probably what marriage is like. If, well, if you broach the subject, obviously if you're the ultimate romancer, you'll go, I don't even care about that stuff. But a lot more guys are starting to be like, look,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
And your Valentine's Day goes, babe, is that a fucking beautiful t-shirt for Valentine's Day?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Let me get under that true classic and cup those tits.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Here we go. PrizePix is the best place to get real money sports action. With over 10 million members and billions of dollars in awarded winnings, PrizePix has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
freedom fighters you just pick more or less on at least two players for a shot to win up to 1000 times your cash that's crazy the meta bag run your game all season long on prize picks guys this expires after 216 but all-star weekend is almost here and prize picks is the best place to win cash while watching your favorite players during the game and the saturday night events like the three-point contest love the three-point contest the best
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
How about the white guy who jumped over Shaq? I just learned about the guy this weekend. Pretty crazy. Sign up today and get $50 instantly when you play $5. You don't even need to win to receive the $50 bonus. It's guaranteed. Think Steph Curry will get more than five three-pointers next week? Giannis for more than 35 points? Hmm. Hmm.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, I bet, dude. I'm sure the day before was party time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Cook up hot takes with your friends and win real money this basketball season when you and your crew, who's better than you and your fucking crew, run your game on prize picks. I mean, that's the best, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, Johnny, I just like getting in. I like, you know, a thousand times, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
No, I like it. It smells like cigarettes. This one smells like cigs, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Guys, download the PrizePix app today and use code DRENCHED to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code DRENCHED on the PrizePix app to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix, run your game.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
So that's it. I'm not going to bore you with Finnegan's Wake, but that's the only thing I will say. It's been putting me, this is what I like about it, it's been putting me in a very timeless frame of mind.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
By the sirens in my own mind. The Thunderfish came and got you. The Thunderfish caught you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
yeah i was caught i was but that was last weekend bro that was in the past what are you doing in there for real man that was so embarrassing she's like what are you doing in there and i'm just in the shower with a boner just what nothing nothing she's like i saw what you're doing i was like ah damn it now i got caught lying and jerking off huh i'm just the biggest piece of shit in the world i wish i wish i could tell you i didn't almost get caught yesterday
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Dude, I'm telling you, the Super Bowl, the more I never really thought about it until I went last year. And I was like, dude, this is like the apex of worldly power. It is. And then I was watching it this time just being like, dude, it was like freaking me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
But yeah, dude, that's been a fucking year. God damn, I feel like that was like three months ago.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
He needs to do it again. He's going back, I think. Will needs a slap. He needs a slap again. He needs to slap somebody. He needs to slap that Indian guy. How could he slap?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, man. Yeah, people were trying to make the Taylor Swift boo into, like, this whole, like, sea change of, like, the people are waking up, dude. They know they don't like this. So you're telling me this was a change. She was wearing Chiefs shit, and people were like, boo.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, that's very sad. I mean, yeah, especially like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
That's also a weird pressure. If you've won two Super Bowls in a row, I'd be fucked up. There's no way you're not laxing and kind of chilling. They were lamping. There's no doubt. They were lamps. Yeah, exactly. They were lamping. Why, though? I mean, it makes sense.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Dude, you know they didn't blitz either. Four-man rush, bro. Four-man rush. That blew my mind. When I found out they didn't blitz, I was like, wait, what?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Is their offensive line that bad? I mean, I'm not trying to smite their offensive line, but like, bro, they got like... They got killed.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Because they're so good. That's the whole time. I was like, dude, Mahomes is good. If you put him down, he's nasty as fuck. But they were just like melting right through. It was wonderful. It was. It was really beautiful. Truly a sight.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I mean, bro, I knew they're going to lose. And I saw him dressed like fucking 70s porn star. I was like, he's not taking this game seriously at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
That's fully the aggro, Craig, dude. You held the aggro, Craig. I guess the party must have been sick, though. The party was awesome. Did champagne bottles actually shoot in the air? I think that's the locker room, but they probably did.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Good for him, man. That's got to be crazy. I liked watching when the Gatorade got poured on him, and you could tell he was like... Yeah, take it in. He was soaking wet with Gatorade. At one point, he did a little kind of prayer thing. It was just like, oh.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I guess if you have like, yeah, I guess there's a world of fucking coaches, and you can just be like, all right, buddy, get out. Especially because he inherited.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
What's up with the cool outfits? Dude, what happened to sweatsuits? Every college fucking athlete just wears a gray sweatsuit all the time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
That's what they say. They're not losing anybody, are they?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
They might be the most hateable dynasty, though. Philly becomes like a Chiefs-era, Chief-type dynasty.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Oh, my God, dude. It'd be the funniest. Philadelphia is going to look like fucking Aleppo. Right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
So fun to be there. Although, dude, I'm telling you, last time when I was there, I was like right on Broad Street. My house was like two blocks away. It was too much, man. I'm like just watching people just start wrecking shit. I was just like, this is fucking annoying. It was pissing me off. They got to stop fucking breaking the city. Sometimes you got to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Dude, they were like flipping fucking cars. It's crazy. How else are you going to make an omelet? That's true. You're going to have to break a couple eggs here. That's true. Although, I mean, that is just part and parcel, man. Otherwise, yeah, you are just Chiefs fans. Just like, we'll get them next year. Yeah, true. If you bleed green, you bleed green. It is what it is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Sure, they got that cash. They all got rich as fuck. I did forget they were all impoverished.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
There's nothing we can do about it. Well, the worst part is now they're like – now it's like it's something that gets attention online. So now people are like, yes, we got to ramp this up even more. I'm going to break a window.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
But yeah, that was – I think that was – I'll be excited to see what Kendrick Lamar does. He seems like he'll be pretty content to just kind of fade out and be like, I won.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
That's kind of a fucking lame ass. No, that's beating the video game. I'm done. Bye. Sorry.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
To be fair, he did have a lot of... People liked him. I was always kind of like... I loved Kendrick Lamar. I was always like, meh. You know, I didn't... It just wasn't for me. He's so good. I mean... He's great, of course. He's a super successful, talented guy. But it was just... I was always like, whatever. And then... But then I didn't realize he'd been away for so long.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
And then I guess he came back. He was summoned back. And then... For him, that is sweet to be kind of chilling. Like, I don't know. Then just be like, oh, yep. Yeah. Top of the game. But it all happened... Dude, it was funny because like... Little Wayne was, like, remember when he and him and Nicki Minaj were, like, they were, like, the biggest. And Drake.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
And, well, then Drake was, like, launched out of that. But, yeah, maybe there's room for, there's going to be the newest rappers to become the biggest. Dude, rap's so bad. Like, I'm not trying to sound like an old guy. It's literally, like, it's a minute and a half songs of just nonsense. I can't understand.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I don't know. It wasn't a... This is something I've been thinking about for a long time. Again, it sounds like a very uncomfortable thing to even talk about, but as the country gets better in terms of race relations, will black guys lose cool points? And I think it could just be me trying to fulfill my own theory, but I think it's happening.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
You know, like the revolution sponsored by Pepsi. Yeah. You're kind of like, oh, this has been so fucking watered down and extorted by politicians that now it's just kind of like, all right. It just has literally zero effect. Of course. You're like, oh, cool, man. So, and then, you know, again, we had our first taste of Indian guys wilding out. It's like there's more of that to come.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, it's almost time. Ramaswamy Anakin's hard, dude. He fell into the lava.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Those boys are not... Yeah, yeah. There's more Ramaswamis, bro. There's a lot. That guy, that dude was... He just first made it on the land and swung his fucking... Yeah, that was D-Day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Bro, been a fan. Oh, yeah. You got some day ones. Been a fan. When you were gone, I interviewed Sagar from Breaking Points, and I tried to just get into Hinduism. Dude, they are not having it. There's an iron wall. They are keeping white stoners out of Hinduism talk, dude. I was like, what about it? He's like, I fucking hate when fucking white guys talk to me about Hinduism. Really?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Well, that's because we have a universal, you know, Catholic land. We are built for everybody. Yeah. Hinduism is like an ethnic religion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's not like... And he made a fair point. He's like, dude, it's so... He's like, depending on like what area you live in, there's like a patron fucking, you know, they have their patron blue guy. They have their genie.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
And then like, you know, it's all based on like he's like, it's so hyper specific to like the area and where you're living. It's you got to be born into it. It's like it's like Judaism in a way where you kind of have to be born into it. Otherwise, people will be like, they just take you as kind of a poser. He kind of pose or pause me, and I was like, I just think it's cool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Like, theoretically, I think it's cool. Yeah, why not? You should be allowed to learn. I mean, he can't stop me from learning.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
But I was trying to, I was trying to, I just wanted to, like, I'm just interested in it as, like, a, you know, like, growing up with that as, like, your backdrop. And he just shut it down. He was just like, I don't have time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
It's truly Lord of the Flies. It's fucking crazy, bro. It's Lord of the Flies. It's nuts. But that's the same thing with the Sino-Indian border dispute. They have the same thing. They have another stick. There's a whole other stick battlefront. They've been disputing the Chinese-Indian border for, like, decades. And every now and again, the Chinese dudes will moggle and be like, five feet to ours.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
And you got to give up, like, four feet of Mother India. You're like, okay. Coming back will be sick, though. You get the bros, you're all horny as hell. Fucking, although that's a horny be horny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
But yeah, rest assured, the Indian dudes will be back, dude. Yep. I mean, Ramaswamy, I still... People spazzed and piled on him for that. And it's like, I get it. Like, getting dressed down, just being like, no more fun, white guys. It's time to do math. It's like, I get it. Yeah. But people were, like, deeply shocked and offended. And it's like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
That does make me laugh when you have all these people who are like... You have white Americans who are like, it's a meritocracy. Sorry, everybody else. We got to the top. And as soon as you talk about Indian guys coming in, you're like, we need some fucking legislation to keep... Come on, let's look at this here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
we allowed to do this that was bottled up yeah true because yeah you really they the indian guys rama swami did you're actually right on that he caught like a suppressed tidal wave of just kind of like just you know yeah ethnocentric thoughts being like we're in a fucking act People fucking spazzed on him. Here's the thing, though. He did court those guys. He did.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
So he basically had his own little thing going, and they just got him, bro. One slip up, and they were like, fuck you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
It's coming. It's coming, and it's so funny because it was like –
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
i could see him being like this is a deeply inspiring and dude it's he could also be right like that's because you're like fuck you dude doesn't mean that's not just going to happen anyway wasn't he like no more sleepovers yeah time to study no more sleepovers no more he said less of one movie like think of like some like a rollerblading silly movie and like more i don't know what fucking movie he would propose for us to get our act together
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
white guys got to pull their pants up white guys white guys's pants are up to here indy guys's pants are up to like their nipples so we might have to pull our pants all the way indians are top of the pants where would you rank the chinese they're they're close second they're close second or they can probably they probably go like every inch or every year they probably like they're it depends on how they're doing how many of them are doctors yeah like if they lose doctors and their pants drop a little bit
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
We've been top of the pops in terms of pants height. Now, like, you know, we're getting told to pull our pants off, and we're like, hey, buddy, don't worry about our culture, dude. We got some shit going on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
this is family business dude don't worry about our pants it was so fucking funny but that's the question remains do white people need to pull their pants up because they could compete in a global marketplace which it just seems like we're in pants we gotta fucking yank our pants we might have to pull our pants we thought we were getting by with our pants to our fucking waist sometimes you when the whites pull their pants up too high though true
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I didn't know he did a Super Bowl commercial, first of all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Did you see it? And then I checked his website. It was literally just the swastika. Swastika t-shirt. HH3 or something. Bro, he went fucking nuts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
The Twitter page. It's a great read, bro. The Twitter rants were pretty great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
No, he says, for the record, I have hit women. And then the one of them was in all caps. Like, you guys think I'm freaking out. I'm actually over here chilling. It's like, bro, you're tweeting in all caps. You're not chilling. Unless he's on some like, this is the new marketing wave. I could see him going like genius mode in his head being like, this is just a new millennia, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
He's like, I'm puppeting people through their nervous systems. Although he does seem, he has came out on the record being like, dude, I really don't like Jews. So he really clarified his feelings pretty hard. And he seemed to chill a little bit and he just like fired the engine back up. Chilled for nearly a year. Yeah, then he was like, you know what, man?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
sometimes you gotta pop out show that's been a funny bing boom that's been a funny and then there was a guy who he's like i'm burning twenty five thousand dollars worth of yeezy shoes and it's like first of all dude that's the most laughable if you zoom out of that from another country you're like okay this guy said he loves hitler so now this guy's gonna burn twenty five thousand dollars worth of sneakers it's like stop pretending you guys have problems dude
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
yeah that's like the dumb that's like for real it's like embarrassing to watch that like let's all unite and burn these 700 sneakers it's like dude what what battle are you guys even seems like you're trying to make it about you at that point yeah hey everyone there's a blowtorch i'm about to go viral right now with a blowtorch in a fire safe environment i need to go viral now and then after the comments are says like you already you already gave him your money dumbass he's paid bro
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Once, dude, now that Jim Jones opened my eyes at the meta bag.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Oh, yeah. Well, apparently there's a connection with his dentist and the nitrous and shit. Oh, yeah, his dentist. I forgot about that. He might be gone off the galaxy gap. The galaxy gap? Who knows?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
i mean dude if you but then like if you zoom all the way out on it and it's obviously again he's like i get it if he's if he's like full-on swastika's i get why people are bristled by this either way he's prickling people for sure but if you zoom out he might be on just some other shit of like we should really not worry about what anyone says but then it's like i don't know it could be a giant performance art piece that's my whole thing
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, I tried to check it the other day. It was gone. I had my shopping cart. They were like, you have a notification.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Gifts for the fam. Of course. My mom's birthday is coming up. I figured I'd give her a Yeezy swastika shirt.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
It is funny because at any point he can just be like, guys, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Everybody, that's fine. You're all right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
You're the man. You're the man. He needs to drop an album. The album has to be good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I mean, has anyone ever made Nazi rap? No, I don't know. It's crazy. He made a gospel album two years ago. Now he's selling Hitler shirts. It's fucking crazy, dude. He might be just. I think it's pretty. But then how did he become a billionaire again? Is that even didn't he get put out like Forbes list of like he's now has like three billion dollars again or something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
That's a, well, dude, here's what, here's what, look. Gotcha. I don't want to give anyone business advice, but if, if, you know, your account's getting unfrozen, last thing you want to do is do a swastika t-shirt.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
He said, fuck you guys. It's crazy. It is still, still a goat. Yeah, I mean, dude, it's still the GOAT, dude. I'm sorry. His Twitter's funny as shit. And he hasn't got kicked off of Twitter yet, right? I don't think. Well, dude, it does.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I mean, again, it is like, I totally get why people are upset, but it does beg the question, like, might we have to all become big boys and girls about words and just be like, okay, this guy's fucking popping off on some crazy shit. You know what I mean? But then again, it's like, are people so dumb that if you start doing that, people will go up and just be like, yeah, fucking, we are Nazis.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, there's that. There's that. People are pretty fucking dumb, so people could see the green light and be like, okay. For sure. But they can also do that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Wow, wow, Wes. The Nazi swastika is backwards from the original Hindu one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
And they say when you turn the swastika backwards from the original Hindu one, it's a sign of bad luck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, dude, that's what happens. You harness the power. It was just too great. Completely, completely destroyed the man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
It's crazy he took it to Hawaii and be like, state your reason.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, sure. And it's funny. He was kind of thinking about it. He was like, well, why?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Also, the risk of pulling a low five away is high.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Anyway, that was Chris's big... Fucking sliding in a low five. I get wanting the hug.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, dude, that's crazy. Going for the low five on the slide. Look, I get it. You got to keep up appearances. You can't be hugging me right now. Just give me a low five on the slide.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Because, yeah, he's high awareness enough to really analyze that behavior later. And he probably did. It was a thorn in his side.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Badly in Vegas last year. What'd you do? I was hammered last year in Vegas. I kept doing the... Whatever that game was when they're like if the... Like if the beer's in your left hand, you have to chug it right away.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I was passing the... Yeah, I would just be like, you know... I was hitting a vape pen. I'm like, take it, you pussies. And I'd switch it to my right hand. They'd be like, ah, you got to drink your beers. And I was just chugging vodka and sodas. I got hammered. And we were on that, like, never-ending party bus thing for a while. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I got off the party bus, and I was like, what the fuck? Is that Vince Vaughn? I was... hammered and i was i looked at him and i was like vince you're our only hope take us to the place and he i like turned around to nate and he was just 45 feet ahead and i was like oh shit my bad you're our only hope dude like you're our only hope
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Why? Why do you want a hug? It is a very... Especially for the why to hit O'Connor's brain, have him like, why would I ask for that? Just fully echo in his head. I didn't consider the reasons. That's awesome, though. So you guys started off on just like a... Yeah, that was great. Absolute fever pitch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
That is crazy to find out something you did not know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
What happened? Where did his journeys take him the rest of that night?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Obviously, punching the fence or whatever he did.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I wonder if he still does that. My favorite thing I've ever seen him do is when I had a party at my house years ago in Philly, and we were all sitting on the roof deck, and he was just wearing headphones. Everyone was like, what are you doing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
No, we went to the ocean this weekend. Dania Beach, by the way, their beach, a lot to be desired. A lot to be desired. I went there. I'm like, La Mer, they'll have shops everywhere. Like, we need to show up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Just... This song's so good. I could see at a party, though, kind of just like doing some personal night moves would be decent. Just be like, I'm just charging myself back up for the vibe. Yeah, it's pretty sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I don't know why I kept thinking Super Bowl was in Atlanta.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
They've had a lot. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They bounced back. Dude, that was freaking me out, too, the day. I wasn't even, I was talking about Katrina, but then they had another track. I thought you were talking about. As soon as I said that, I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm thinking. Because I went there post-Katrina a long time ago, and it was like fucked.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I mean, I will say there were a lot of bubble-butted mommies on the beach.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Is it a Juvenile song, or are you thinking of 504 Boys, Wobble Wobble? No, no, no. You might be getting a bounce confused with a wobble.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
oh it's fucking gardini's car that's why he's purifying the mics with tobacco like a native american shaman dude he's blowing tobacco smoke into them i'm sorry i'll clean them no thank you i like the smell it's actually kind of nice this is the bit i was waiting for let's fucking paper straws no more we're done this is my last one no more we're gonna fucking we're gonna go back and put all the plastic rings around the dolphin's necks under trump's gonna be awesome
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
You're getting checked on for heavy gas consumption. All right. You've been using... Great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
That was about it. There was big rocks in the ocean, so you would just stub your toe in the ocean. Like, oh, fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
No big deal. Nothing new. No big deal. I'm going to try to find the gas leak in Sylvia Plath myself. Just put my mouth on it. I'll go find that thing. Call it a day. Actually, dude, it was really nice. The Dania Beach Improv gave me a gift certificate to a used bookstore as a gift. That's nice. It was really nice. So I went. I finally went. It was like, I got to get an Uber from the hotel.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
And I'm like, because that area was Broward County is where they film cops.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
So I was like driving around through there. And dude, it's like it's kind of sketchy around there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Like very sketchy. I was like, whatever. So I'm in an Uber and I'm like, anytime you left a little. We were at a hub, obviously. That's all it is. Outdoor hubs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Left the hub. And it's just like Vice City all around. So I put the driver. I'm like, yeah, there's like a bookstore up here somewhere. Dude, it was a shopping center. of just at least one, if not two, massage parlors. So I'm pulling in. The guy's like, you said there's a gift card for books. Dude, he's like, you said there's a bookstore, right?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
And I was like, yeah, dude, I swear to God, there's a bookstore. I thought he thought I was like. Adult bookstore.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
The black Muslims found out about it. Every Ramadan would come in their gear and just shut it the fuck down. I was always like so jealous they had that. Like, not the breakfast place, but they had Ramadan.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I was like, dude, I want that. I want, like, somebody to be taking me aside. Is there no water, though, too, during the day? I don't know. There's no way, dude, in Muslim countries they do no water. I swear. That's cat. That's turban. That's turban.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
If you're in hot sand, if you dig your feet under the surface sand, you can get through. When you go down to the beach in shoes, you're literally crushing the vibe for every single person enjoying the big... What the fuck is this guy doing here? It's so unwelcome. I try to make up for it with my other beach activities. You know, I get right into the surf.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
i didn't know that water i mean unless you're sick or fucking traveling yeah yeah oh shit i didn't know that yeah so the no water would really suck ass yeah it's also you can do like a no water fast too and like dry fasting that fucks you up i've done 24 hours no water whatsoever and it's like it's kind of i don't really recommend yeah why'd you do that i don't see what it's like a similar thing it's like good for you just to dry out for a second you do get kind of like cut too
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
If you go no water for 24 hours, you're as ripped as you can possibly get in that timeframe. But dude, I did 60 hours of fasting. I had a good like three days or so in autophagy. So I'm like feeling pretty good. Your mind, you get like, you do get like mental benefits.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
yeah like you're just calm you are like you're a little tense from not eating like is it makes your body produce cortisol but like dude if say like just say you're like in the kitchen with your wife first thing in the morning you don't really love her attitude or whatever yeah she'll start and like you're just like you're it's like irritating she's talking to you and you're going autophagy is in complete control normally the cells that would make me yell right now i've been consumed by autophagy
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But there's something, it does something to your mind and you're kind of able to like, just kind of like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's true. It's true. And you're like, how could you possibly be making me think about this? Like, I haven't eaten in two fucking days. I'm starving.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Oh, that shit I bought? Yeah, you're right. My bad for eating that. Oh, that shit you were going to leave in the fridge? You mean my stuff? I mean, my thing that I is mine. That meal you would have left in the fridge for seven days and thrown it out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
So I was like two days in, 48 hours in just Friday.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yes. I made pancakes one time, and that really fucked me up. You just want a bite, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I just want a bite, dude. I got to test them and see if my recipe is still hitting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You won't be an autophagy, but you could still be a keto.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You can have 18 pancakes. Autophagy, keto, and then you get back down to it. But, dude, I... It was sick, man. Did you jack off? Did I jack off? Yeah, during the fast. I got caught jacking off. Oh, no. Did this lead to the hunger strike? No, no, no, no. I got caught like eight hours into the fast jacking off in the shower.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I don't want to bother you. I spun it into some AZZ. Oh, nice. Wizardry, yeah. Yeah, just trying to be polite. Didn't want to bother you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I'll do frisbee. I'll do paddle ball. You're good at the beach. You're good, yeah. Get me down to the sand that the water's hit already. I feel like you died on this hill unnecessarily.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
didn't you're fasting you know i'm a muslim brother no no yeah it was it was we were getting around that time and you know that my muslim brothers back in the day would have put her in her separate quarters too yeah so she was she was nearing that crucial time it's crazy women spend half of their life pre-menopause or or their period half their life they're rocked from a period yeah two weeks out of the month bro
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Mm-hmm. It's crazy. Mm-hmm. What are we doing with science, dude? I don't know. I think they have figured out a way to get rid of it. Birth control, but that makes them eat weirder in another way. Yeah, yeah. It makes them just cry. Just pick your poison, dude. They're kind of fucked, dude. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Like, that book I'm reading about the girls disappearing and the men disappearing from the girls, it makes you, like, it is a thing. Like, dude, it would be so sad if all the girls disappeared.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's like, it'd be so sad, even though, like, they're on some bullshit a lot of the time. Yeah, think about, like, year two. They do come out with the sex robots in the book.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, the sex robots came out pretty quickly. This was written like the 50s. You can plug them into the wall, keep them hot. If all the women disappeared, there would be that Kennedy speech. What? Why choose to go to the moon? Why choose this as our goal? It would be, oh, yeah. The speed at which sex robots would be up to speed is unbelievable.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, we'd be like, Elon, stop with all the fucking spaceships and shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
King nerd, king autist. Although, Kanye's claiming autism, too, now. It's kind of the power move. If you're a billionaire, you'd be like, oh, by the way, I'm autistic, so if I do nice shit, Kanye claimed autism when he first got in trouble.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That's fair. It's a good point.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Bryce came out, yeah. It's so funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
yeah that was an embarrassing it's so funny for dana white having to like corral a bunch of ufc fighters press like releases it's so funny like dana what do you think about the guy who thinks hitler's cool he's got to be like which one are you talking about i have yeah yeah i have 10 of those guys yeah there's a lot of them
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Who cares? I mean, he's a classic victim to a YouTube documentary. He watched it and was like, oh my God, I'm the carrier of the truth. I must.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
What happened? Well, first of all, who's my boy? You say Netanyahu, I'm going to flip the table. No, no, no.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Oh, yeah, I saw something on X. Well, I guess the Riviera's on the Mediterranean. I saw the X. I know what you mean, though. I saw the X about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Hold up. What if it does kind of rule when they come back? Like you come back, dude. Just a Gravitron on the beach.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I'm just saying, not everyone who wears sneakers on the beach is an asshole.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Standing there doing some soul searching. Maybe it was a ship going with this. And mini golf.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Also, too, it's Ramadan. You're on the water slide. You got to keep your lips pursed.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, that's pretty wicked. Yeah, it was crazy. To kick them off. And then, you know, because then it's like you get down to like, well, he started it. It's like, well, you know, let's just assume you guys both committed sins. Being like, yo, we're going to make... It's funny to be like, we're going to, you know, essentially...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
genocide and war and then be like, but it's going to be so sick when we're done. It's going to be so cool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yep. He's always been down. Trump's been down with Israel since day one. There's no fooling him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Bernie. Bernie? No, Bernie's obviously swag.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
The squad's anti. Yeah, Casio. But, yeah, I don't know, man. I mean, here's the thing. They have been fighting each other forever. It is none of my business. That's really none of my business.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I'll never go there to either place. So, you know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
sometimes it's culturally acceptable to yeah black people don't like their bare feet on the ground that's you have to respect is that that oh yeah dude so they don't like the sand between their toes not really my wife doesn't like the sand i like it actually like angered me the first time she told me she's like yeah just like i don't like how it gets all over me i was just like what the fuck are you talking about why are you ruining the good thing yeah why are you ruining the best i love the beach it's my favorite thing she's like i just don't sand makes me it just feels gross on my feet i'm like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Oh, like a Dubai cruise. You can go to Dubai and then there. Damn, I can get my Instagram like fucking turban chic shot. It is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Where are they going? Didn't they already, like, bomb that whole area, though?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It would be nuts if all the tunnels turned into, like, cool rides.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You just hear, like, you see a light, like, help!
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
What if they ever bump into each other underground?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I knew you were right wing. I'm sorry. I knew you were right wing. I'm sorry. Yo.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I will say it's not a good... If you're part of a group that has to travel secretly underground, it's not a good look.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
All I'm saying is it means you've got a lot of drama going on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
There's truly that much smoke. It sucks, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, true. Did Trump talk about how oppy it was over there?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, I mean, dude, my thing is, like, I get it. It's not right. They went through and, like, you know, they got attacked. That sucks. I'd be pissed. If I was in Israel, I'd be like, fuck you, they attacked me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
If someone tried to do, like, to take away the terrorist hunting permits after 9-11, you'd be like, get the fuck, get fucked, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
So I get that, but it's like, yeah, once you run up the score so hard, it's like. I mean, we kind of did it. We did this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You know what I'm saying? I don't know if it was as concentrated. I don't know. It wasn't there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
They say they're not. I just hope they stop it, dude. I hope the fucking, you know, resort, it's crazy to come out with it and be like, the resort's going to be so fucking sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
If you build a sick fucking park.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, the park's getting fucked up. I would not.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Dude, you're just cooling in a lazy river. Peeing in a lazy river, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
We'll see. Maybe they're thinking about it in 50 years or so.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, I take my kids away. I'm like, don't listen to me. Trust me. Yeah, that's yeah, that's that's something I've seen. I mean, it's literally goes back to the socks of the water park. Yeah, that's why. That's why they're there, bro. They're not. It's not just it's not like a fashion statement. It's like genuine phobia of just the ground. Yeah. Instilled in them by a paranoid black mother.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah. But, uh, we'll say occupying a six flag with your boys would be sick. Taking it over.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
We've left an amusement vacuum in the Middle East.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
The games are frankly impossible, and I think they're rigged.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
He's supposed to be a peacemaker, dude. I know Mexico now is sending people to the border to secure it. I mean, he's a peacemaker, but at his heart, he's a real estate developer. That was a take I heard. He's a good piece of property.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
All the mistakes he made in Atlantic City will be undone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Hear me out. Hold on. Now, if America steps in and goes, it's neither of yours, all right?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Just holding a sex tape behind his back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And we're going to lease that off to you for a very reasonable rate. Yeah, dude. Give me the Panama Canal, though. Give it back. Yeah, that's ours. Gibbs. Did you ever get into, I could be wrong about this, but did you know like the Panama Canal, like apparently there was like, people were just like machine gunned off of that land before that became a thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I've heard that was like a ruthless one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Thanks, guys. Now our ships can go this way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Pretty ruthless. Yeah. You get 1% of every ship that you make passes through there. Thanks for committing an atrocity on our behalf. Needed to be done though could be wrong about that, but I've heard I think spud told me spud was like the Panama Canal was bloody Yeah, and I how many people died making it wasn't didn't like everyone died.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, they were all getting sick there I think there was like a lot of malaria kind of stuff going on I know they had to send a guy down to be like alright We're not doing anything until we get some tents with mosquito nets going each How many Died making the canal?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But what was the average savings on transporting goods?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Chris, now we're talking money over human life, and I love it. You know? Fair point.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, it's the Gulf of America and the American Canal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Apparently, they really changed it. It is the Gulf of America.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I mean, I guess that's just on our maps.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, that's right. Yeah, do you have to file like a formal... Is there like a document somewhere?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Didn't he sign like bills in an arena? Yeah. I heard he did a thing in an arena where he signed bills in an arena, which is so fucking funny, dude. The marker comes down from the ceiling. Boxing now, too? Yeah. It's getting wild, dude. Have better sex with Blue Chew. Blue Chew is the original brand offering chewable tablets.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I've heard people say it's the hardest they've ever gotten.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
What do you think about them sexualizing those two black guys?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Dania Beach, Florida, please come. It'll be too late by the time you see this, but you better get the fuck out of there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And go to MattMcCusker.com for tickets for all the other places. Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
My whole family did it. Really? Yeah. I've only ever seen you guys in Jordan socks. I believe you. I believe you, though. Well, I'm sorry. Dude, I've only ever seen him in the longest tube socks ever. For sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That was pretty well. Dude, I was like talking about this yesterday. So there was like Trump side was like, well, you guys did all this DEI bullshit. That's why we have a helicopter crash into the plane. And they were like, well, Trump, allegedly, they're saying he dis disbanded the head of the FAA. And then, like, that's why things are crashing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But I'm like, bro, you're telling me the guy, there's a multi-thousand person organization that if you remove the president, planes start crashing? Like, how the fuck does that work?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, it's like, they're like, well, he did that and it fucked everything up. It's like, bro, please. That footage is weird, too. Bro. It's weird footage. And they were talking to him, right? Didn't they try to go like, hey?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
The helicopter was quiet. I heard I don't know if this is true. Someone told me the helicopter was black ops. Like, not, like, trying to hit the plane. That's what they're saying. That was, like, part of a black op operation. You got to land the Black Hawk and restart your headset. It's a black helicopter. It checks out. I don't know. Why would it be black ops? I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
There was, like, running a drill of, like, how to, like, transport people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Like, it was part of, like, a thing that wasn't, like, tapped in with the FAA.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And what was it? They were like, yo, what are you doing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Like, four minutes before they hit, they were like, hey, you're...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
How the fuck did that happen? And then the plane crashed in Philly. That was crazy, dude. I had to fly that weekend. I was shitting myself. You were flying last week.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, he got hit with the debris.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
We finally found Unbreakable. No, everyone was way dead on that plane. The fucking explosion was crazy. Yeah, all that in one week was like, what the fuck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You start manifesting a safe landing. You just manifested a safe landing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
yeah i would i was scared i i had to fly and do like connections and it was just like four flights total on a weekend i was just like bro please for the love of god yeah feel a little turbulence you go yep here it is they got me fuck fuck we saw some eagles that was nice we took a bus from seattle to vancouver we drove there or vancouver to seattle saw like 10 10 bald eagles like an actual flock of bald eagles yeah it was awesome fucking sick
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I saw the drone. The drone was there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Well, dude, it was not that far. If it was a jet, it would be like the water would be moving.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That is my dad's main affliction, though. It's like, think he's seeing birds of prey? I mean, that's a hawk right up there. It's just a fucking transmitter on a power line.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But you gotta watch. As an old white guy, you'll start hallucinating birds of prey.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It happens to my dad all the time. It's so funny. That's a... Cooper tail hawk right there. It's a piece of metal on top of Paraline, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's a crow. It's a crow. It's black. I will say turkey buzzards will get you, but some hawks, turkey buzzards.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Big as hell, though. When they land, you get close to them, they're enormous.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
They're too big. Way bigger.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
How exciting is it, though, when you really see one?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Did you get a full shot of the wingspan? No, it was kind of unnerving. Dude, when I first moved here in Austin, I weirdly... Like my second week, I was just taking a walk at nighttime and I saw this giant bird on this little fence. And I'm like, what the fuck is that? Dude, it was an owl spread its wings. It was like four feet from me. I watched the full wingspan and flew away.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And I was like, I haven't seen it since. That's awesome. It was so fucking good luck. It was. Do you ever see that thing where they, like, they record the audio of birds flying?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And they're, like, you can hear them all, and then the owl flies, and it's just... What?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Because I had a raccoon on my roof, and that thing is nighttime.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It would get active at nighttime, and it's like, I genuinely thought there was a human being on my roof, and I put my head out the window trying to find it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
So, yeah, I remember I met my... The waves in a wife beater is nuts. Just popping, just surfacing in a wave pool. Oh, shit. And the bottom gets all stretched out and baggy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Start giving him food and stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I told you. I put that compost out too early without breaking it down enough. And I literally brought a world of rats and then stray cats into my garden. It was fucking kind of sick. True. You got to get a cat. Dude, I have one that just walks around. I have a black cat, and it comes in my backyard. Oh, yeah, the dogs fuck that thing up. They can't catch it. My dogs can't catch it. Tilda?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
No, she cannot catch it. That cat can jump onto the top of the fence. It's, like, not even close. But, yeah, I have that cat hunts the mice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That's definitely raccoons.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Raccoons have screaming matches at night. Do they really? Yeah. I remember in Philly, when I was living in West Philly, they would scream at each other on rooftops. Brawl, scream. What? They were hooting and hollering. Yeah, we identified.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Sick. He's been cleared of being a pedophile. People are calling him a pedophile for all he's not. He's not. Did I get cut off in the craze? Perhaps.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Not a pedophile. And maybe Oprah's not too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Turns out Oprah. Perhaps not a pedophile either. We'll see. Yeah, true. We'll find out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Calling up to Toronto. Candace Owens just put out like a for real documentary or maybe produced it. I don't know. I just saw something she was attached to of Macron's wife. Being like, this is a dude. I know we all like Macron.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, I know, but it's fucking... Either way...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
She had a lot of time. She had time to fucking do what she needed to do. You ever take a look at McCrone's wife? Not a good one. When I learned she was older, I kind of researched her briefly, but then I fell into one of Candace Owens' videos.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Candace Owens is pushing hard that McCrone's wife is indeed a guy. We all have fun with Big Mike, obviously. I could see Candace also being on the list somewhere. She's gone down a couple rabbit holes pretty hard.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Depends how hot the sand is. The sauce is hell. We going? We rolling? Oh my motherfucking God. Christopher. Off of the wrong foot. Huh? Nah, he thinks I'm mad at him for his sneakers on the beach. Sneakers on the beach is weird.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
McCrone's wife. What'd you think? Careful. Time will tell Well, we'll see if I got tricked here. It could happen anybody I mean the president of France for geese for geese Let me see The president of France actually have my phone right here, huh? What the fuck you trying to say I'm with Gardini. I think it's McCrone's wife looks like Candace Owens. I Let me see this, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yo, what if McCrone's wife was Candace Owens?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
yeah true kind of sick i mean to keep the thing going kind of weird uh in school sick although if you're just tapping into that like magical moment yeah man i mean dude look at look look again this is not my business either if the guy's wife is a dude that's their business and if not that's a vicious rumor that needs to be stopped what if what if she's a dude but he just doesn't know Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Just 40 years of, I don't feel like it tonight.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
What the hell? Also very French. Although the fact that the teacher, you know, was romantic towards him. Doesn't that kind of throw a monkey wrench into the story? You know what I mean? Like in the 70s, you're telling me in the 70s, or whenever that was, there was a trans teacher in France that was like huffing the kids' birds and nobody...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
All of us has one video game cousin who would play video games at the beach the whole time and then come down at like 5 p.m. in sneakers and you'd be like, bro, what are you doing? You're not coming to the arcade with me, dude. That's the beast, dude. Yeah, sneakers on the beach. Are you a sneakers on the beach guy? Uh, yeah, a lot of, you know, because I... That's so dumb.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
nobody knew about that that's what the movie 400 blows is about i know france is like a very romantic place but it's like you think it's the ultimate romance she just hits you with one of those french accordions you're like what the fuck's happening Damn, he's so French.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That's so, what a sexy thing to say.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
He got molested by a 40-year-old lady when he was 12. That would turn you into a hopeless romantic.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Just the women to male student, obviously. The other one would be truly a tragedy. That's not cool at all. It's more clandestine. Not romantic.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Those dudes are not that clandestine, man. They're just firing off text willy-nilly. It's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Did you see the clip I sent you where the guy was like, BB cream pie. Talking about a bareback cream pie. Just like, bro. I think that is just like the absolute seventh level of hell at the bottom of a porn hole. It's just you're just talking to Chris Hansen like, how the fuck did I get here? Yeah. You just go deep. You may ask yourself, huh?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That's my brother's screen name, actually. That's my brother's name. It was me trying to have sex with a kid, but that's my brother's screen name. I just want to clear the record. I wonder if the Nats have banned him from the stadium.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
the emails about hot dogs are weird but true i forgot about the hot dog emails that was nuts dude what's going on with the hot dogs bro there was hot dogs walnuts that was like that was like prime pizza gate yes yeah i remember like just really i had q drops on my phone i'd be like oh shit it'd be like a picture of like a plain bathroom of like what is going to go what could what could this they had me on the line for a little bit and i was just like i can't this stuff's too hard to follow i don't know any senators names
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Get him. I was just, I for real for a minute, I truly did think that Hillary Clinton might do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, apparently, allegedly, he's got some weird artwork, but you never know. You don't know what's... The Pizzagate thing was hot dog orders, right? Well, there was the pizza place itself, which was tied to something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
what just a pile of hot dogs around them well no the the email that supposedly got leaked was like we're gonna need it was like walnuts were apparently little black boys hot dogs were like white kids and there's like term for like girls and there was this weird email that was allegedly it could be good it could be fake but it's like we need 60 walnuts and like 40 hot dogs and then you tie into like the haiti stuff like oh we love this the hot dogs you guys have
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's called a wild king night, by the way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Could be them getting Dallas and Zaw. Zaw's different.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Is there any footage of them actually having pizza parties at this pizza place? And are they the best pizza parties ever? I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, there's lakes and shit, dude, like... We don't just swim in pools, dude. That's a fair point though, but again, it's like, I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Wait, so Sandman was at presidential pizza parties?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It could be them eating pizza for sure. There'd have to be others. There'd have to be like a pinata and some other thing to justify that type of excitement over a pizza party. True. Because D.C. doesn't have like the best pizza I've ever imagined. It's not like a pizza hotspot. I'm sure it's good. It's on the East Coast. It's the East Coast seaboard. The fuck are they talking about pizza?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
We're talking about some good dogs from Chicago. Obama's a fucking, he's definitely crushing dogs. Maybe, I don't know. His chef's cooking up some dogs. I keep forgetting his gay chef died in the pool, in like a pond.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
obama's obama's secret lover is gay chef died paddle boarding hold on are we i don't want to radicalize any any kids in a right-wing extremism dude yeah we are this podcasting space you know we fucking know this is a platform and it's very important we blew the election dude we fucking ruined it because we we radicalized well this is we're bringing this up specifically to debunk yeah it's gonna be tough to debunk
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That could... Obama, is that confirmed? That's still up in the air. That's like the best thing I've heard come out about Obama. It's been like war criminal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Gay chef murder. Smoking crack. Yeah, there's that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I will say that I thought he was going to come out and really sway the election. Nobody gave a fuck. It's because he did it wrong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I know, dude. He's like, we know that's not how you talk. Yeah, but Joe was probably like, dude, trust me, it works. Like, I talk black as hell. I know. Him coming out and being like, shit. Shit, fly suckers. That was it. Not the move for the Obama.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, he did. He gave after that. He gave. We gave a good speech after that. Just gave like a nice speech. That was like kind of like his usual stuff of like values, inspiring all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Why he came out. He's like, I don't know what these were.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
What are the data? Were they getting just constant like interviews with black people? And they were just like, well, I'm voting for a woman. Why did they? Why did he come out and say that? I think they were polling black men and black men were like, fuck that. It was just like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Did they just make it up in their heads that they were? I think they were polling.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Obama took an Uber to the speech. Yeah. Yeah, he just got filled in on the deets. But no, they were probably doing polls and they were finding out. And there's just, you watch online, there's so many people being like, man, fuck Kamala. Trump. Trump, when we had a bread. I get that, but yeah. I saw a lot of videos. We got a lot of bread during Trump. It was just... And they were right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
The bread was flowing. The bread was flowing. So... Yeah. Obama, he's like, well, if I can't do the bread, I don't have the bread. You know, I don't have the track record of the bread, but I can do like Rachel Shane. So... That was like, they tried to do that. Like, you're not, you know... That's a powerful tool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I hate to say it, but that's a powerful tool for black people in general to be like, bro, we're going to just take your fucking black essence and hide it from you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, we'll see, man. We'll see what happens after his four. This is his last four. Unless he puts in, like, Donnie Jr. He might.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Okay. All right. He's... damn he's six years older than mccrown's wife shit well dude i think we yeah let's roll to the motherfucking patreon that's good stuff hard cliffhanger dude we have some good topics a lot of good topics i haven't even gotten into any of my topics dude i have a good one bro we're gonna catch the raccoon on the roof
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah. To what? Like in New York, you take the subway. You take the subway all the way to Coney Island.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I thought you were saying instead of black people swimming, they could take ferries. I was like, well, yeah, I'm sure they've adopted the technology. No, they can travel. It's pretty close. You get the breeze in your hair. There's probably some sand on there. Well, goddamn, I don't want to tread into kind of divisive racial stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
First of all, before I get to my 60 relative, about 64-hour fast.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Speaking of semi-related to cats, I just found this out today. Do you know rats can't fart? No, I never would have. Rats cannot fart. We had an exterminator come to our house today, just routine treatment, and I told him about the cotton rats that invaded my garden. And he was like, oh man, that sucks. And he came back with a bag of... It was like baking soda, apparently.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And it's like an attractant, some other kind of food. And he was like, dude, put this in the back thing of the garden. He's like, it's non-toxic. It's kind of like a million dollar idea. I feel like the guy should patent it. I don't know if other people do this, but.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's rat poison, but instead of being an actually poisonous substance, it's baking soda, but it takes advantage of the fact that rats can't fart. So they eat baking soda, they just get filled with gas, and since they can't fart, they explode. Like, literally, like a pigeon. Like a seagull, but that's Alka-Seltzer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And then he's like, the only thing is you might catch a rat with its side blown out running across your grass. Oh, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You think they'd fart the most? Yeah. Also, if you can poop, you can fart. That's what you think, right? They can only shit, dude. They can only shit. Farts are just an air poop. They're probably peeing while they're pooping. You Googled it after the guy said it? I didn't even Google it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You can't. That's the thing. That's like an opposable thumb.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
What? What? Fuck AI, dude. That sounds like it's... If you can pass a turd, you can pass a fart.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Okay, so maybe he's thinking what I showed him is actually technically a mouse. Why? That's tricky, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
How many times do you unexpectedly go to the beach?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Here's the thing. The cotton rat looks more like a mouse than anything else. So maybe he ID'd the species I gave him and was going, oh, that's more of it. That's technically a mouse they refer to colloquially.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
cotton rat yeah that's what i'm saying nice coat on he's got a nice coat i can see maybe the baking soda expands quickly in the stomach or something and blows them up yeah okay so we you know it doesn't get to the fart part i'm sorry to spread misinformation rats can fart mice cannot i believed you until chris with the poop but then still mice poop so exactly mice poop too so mice so mice can a rat a rat evolved from the mouse and they were they literally were like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's time to fart. Yeah, it's time to fart. I'm sick of blowing the fuck up all the time out of nowhere thinking I'm just eating something yummy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But yeah, dude, and that way if your dog, my dog already got into rat poison once, so that way if my dog ate that baking soda mixture, he's going to fart it out. He's got a farting dog.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
He's already heavily farting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Exactly. So yeah, I thought that was interesting. That's extremely interesting. So there we go. Mice can't fart. Rats can. It's crazy. Is there a reason why? Is there anything about why they can't fart? How could you not be able to fart? Probably because of their teeny tiny buttholes. Yeah, who knows? A rat has just a big enough butthole to blow out a fart.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I feel like the last time I was at the Danny Improv. I got surprised with the beach trip. I didn't really know how close it was going to be to the beach. And then I have sneakers on the beach. Don't you take, don't you take.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But you'd think even just a mouse-sized poop of a fart could get out there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Sean just said they can't. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Could be wrong, but I'll let you know if any of them explode. So maybe they can fart.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I can't believe they can't puke. How could you not puke? I feel like that's one of the most important things anything can do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
stomachs is backwards i don't know yeah i have no idea but it's like if it goes in the body's got to be able like we don't we can't process this it's got to come out yeah it's actually a really terrible way to kill the guys apparently it just is extremely painful for the boys Hey, man, you know what's painful? Seeing all your arugula just go up one day. I hear you. That hurts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I'm in an age-old battle, dude. Farmer versus vermin.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
They're lucky I don't stab them with a pitchfork. I forgot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
this is nothing to you i used to go out with my dad and blow up the voles smoke put the smoke bomb it'd be three holes smoke bombs in two and he would stand by the other hole the nine millimeter just fucking sock these things oh my god yeah i watched my dad shoot a duck one time i saw his eyeball go flying no not a duck yeah bro he capped the duck what was no man oh it was a fox fucked it up and he was putting out his mercy kill good
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
he had to eat straight up cap the duck the one time yeah bro people were getting plugged up dude yeah i've seen a lot i've seen a lot of murder man a lot of animal murder yeah interspecies murder one time he squished him this was this actually stuck with me we were in a barn and like a mouse ran into the corner of the barn and he just like took a work boot and just squished it and i was like oh
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I was like a little kid. I was like, damn, that's so fucked up. I can see myself getting to that zone real quick. On a farm, on a farm. Dude, my whole crop, carrots, arugula, spinach. And I don't know what the other one was. Maybe leaks just decimated all of them like two days.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You're yelling, dude. And then I don't have sandal. I don't like have sandals a lot. Yeah, but you take your shoes off, leave them at the top, and you roll your pant legs up, and you walk on your bare feet on the beach. I mean, if I'm really missing the sand and it's a partly cloudy day, I'll do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I mean, imagine if you came out and the mouse was like fucking with your Xbox all the time. You'd smush it with every morning. Half your Xbox was eaten.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And you kept having to plant new Xboxes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, man. It'd be sad, but you'd be there. You'd have to, bro. You know, fuck. What's my family going to do if the shit hits the fan? I'm going to need half a pound of arugula to eat, dude. You're going to need it. I want to do potatoes. I was going to do the carrots to kind of test the soil and then hit it with potatoes. I want to just do potatoes and garlic, something I use a lot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You've got to get some tomatoes going, too. I don't really fuck with tomatoes, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Dude, I don't know what it is. I'll eat salsa. I like that. I'll eat tomato sauce. Give me a raw tomato.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I've tried them so many times, they make me just want to throw up every time I try to bite a fresh tomato. I know a lot of people like them. Yeah. What about the little ones? Cherry tomatoes? Don't like them either. I hate tomatoes. I can't stand them. My kids don't like eating them either. And I'm always like, yeah, you guys are fucking right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
even if i get a tomato chunk in my spaghetti sauce um i'll like really take when i was a kid for sure when i was a kid i did not like tomatoes yeah bro she made chili recently and she used like it's i'm such a psycho about it if she makes spaghetti i make her blend the sauce so there's no tomato chunks yeah i get so skeeved out about mushrooms i don't like i don't like mushrooms i i will eat there i'll i've cooked lion's mane mushrooms i like them but if much like button mushrooms come in my dish i'll send it i don't like like regular mushrooms
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Lions made mushrooms by themselves. You fry them up are actually pretty good. But other than that, I don't really suck with that actually. I had a little incident at a restaurant recently. I had to be like, bro, uh-uh. Not for me. Get these motherfucking mushrooms. It was mushrooms. Did you put them to the side or did you send the whole thing back?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
If I don't know there's mushrooms and I order them, I'll pick them out myself. But I explicitly was like, no mushrooms. And they came out with the mush. And I was like, bro, just try to dose me. Get these things the fuck out of here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, just literally. So I was telling you, man. I think it's autophagy or autophagy. I don't know how you say it. If you don't eat for 24 hours, your body on first of all, you go into ketosis. So you're burning fat cells, you know, all that stuff. But after like, I think, 24 hours of not eating any kind of anything.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Your body goes into autophagy. So you start eating. Your body starts like finding like old cells or any like fucked up cells. I think even cancer cells. And it just munches them. It starts just cleaning house of like anything in your body. That's just time to go. And I did like 60. I think I did about like 60 hours of like no food at all. Just water and coffee.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But if the sun's been baking and you get there kind of late... Then you got sand in your shoes for the rest of your life. No, no. I walk. I have a special walk.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Dude, I'm going to try to start doing it every Sunday, just 24 hours. Eat 5, 6 p.m. on Saturday, doing stand-up, and then wake up that morning just black coffee, and all you got to do is make it to dinner time. It's not that hard to do 24 hours. This is getting awfully close to Judaism. Bro. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I just don't want, here's the thing, Chris. I don't want to get old and have my kids be like, you didn't do everything you could to make it in the entertainment business. Why don't you become junior? You know, I just want to do everything. True. Dad, what the fuck? You were a Christian like a dumbass? I got to do it on my terms.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
slowly back in your way or i mean it's it's kind of muslim too man to not eat until sundown yeah so you should just hit ramen on that's what i'm saying i actually might do a ramen just no i mean when they do it oh that'd be nice man i might actually i've actually was always when i went to the remember the green eggs cafe in philadelphia yeah Come Ramadan.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That was like a kind of like gentrified, like hipster breakfast place that got just like swarmed with black Muslims.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, whatever, man. Could be black.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
He does. He looks like Sammy Sosa. Yeah. He's just a white guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Allegedly. Allegedly does.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
No, dude. It made it to the halls of... That's a big, that's just, that pool party must be crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I saw her in real life one time. What'd you think? It was just happenstance. She's way shorter than you think, but it was real. It was like, I went, oh. Yeah. I was stunned.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, she probably is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Was she just a little bit cooler than like the average door seat? It just smelled so good in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And I just sat and I was like, this is just where Emma Stone peed. But did she flush? That'd be nice if you peed on her pee. That would've been next level.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
How great would that have been?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, it is. Yeah, you can always get the devil is due. Like, everyone's always like, he's fucking failed artist. No one liked him. It's like people like them. They know the kid.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
You did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong, I don't think. Sitting to feel a hot lady's body heat on the toilet. Yeah, but it's creepy a little bit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I don't think it's creepy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. Just right there. That would be actually really nice. What do you think of that? That's nice. That'd be really nice. What do you think of that, dude? Just a mistletoe. Yeah, just put it right there and get some right on the fucking mouth.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That's like a mercy because it's creepy would have been like waiting right by the door to try to do like a rom-com like, Oh, sorry. Oh my God. Like, Oh, crazy. Yeah. Do I know you? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Not sniff, not sniff. Feel her warmth. Feel the warmth of her body.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. We're going to waste it. You know, like, Look, that's her body heat.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's going to just fade up or you can just enjoy it before it gets like inducted back up. There's no rule against it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I'll do that. I mean, you didn't like jerk off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I mean, you did absorb her body heat. Part of her does live inside of you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. I'm happy that you said that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And you want, they love, they'll be like, that's so weird. But if they're like, say they took a dump and it kind of stinks. If you just stood in the bathroom and you're like... They're like, oh, my God, get out of here. Yeah. I fucking love that. I fucking love it. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
No, dude, I agree. Still to this day, if I smell... Like when women put on deodorant, but their body odor still comes through a little bit. That smell drives me like absolutely insane.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's a little bit. It's a little bit through the deodorant. It's just like, fuck, I love that. Do you like a girl with a little bit of fumes? Yeah, I honestly don't mind it. You don't mind at all? Yeah, I don't mind a little bit. Fumes. Are you talking about coming off a box? Yeah, I'm talking about a little fumes. It depends on the fumes. Here's the thing. I can take if it's like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That's what it would be. Of Emperor Giannis. And you'd probably fix, that'd be nice to like take a girl like that and then fix her fumes back in Roman times. Right. But in Roman times, that was chilled. And be like, dude, I'm going to fix your fumes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
afterwards yeah he just gathered himself and he did that smeared it what i like about standing up too is this is a fit city you could just get your calf raises in while you're down and that's why i think you did it dude it's just like a workout i know i was tired of sitting around all day yeah yeah what's up with all the gay art over here i just i thought it was visually striking this is nice i had someone my friend told me about this painting i'm like i looked it up i was like perfect yeah this is i just wanted something kind of intense and then you know why i told i was telling you on the plane he's a guy he jerks off to erotic poetry so this kind of goes with it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Do you think though, but back then I think it was kind of like if your daughters got snatched up by an emperor, you'd be like, fuck yeah, dude. You'd high five your wife and be like, we fucking did it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I like that idea. Right? I agree. I think it's great. That's it. I didn't realize they get fucked over so bad. Hell yeah. You spend your whole life doing that and then it's just like. Then they don't give a fuck about you. You get a silver medal. I guess you can start like your own type of lessons back home. You got to be like a superstar. Like Simone Biles gets money.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yes, Michael Phelps got real money.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And it's so impressive. You're like the third best person in the world. It's like, yeah, dude. You're right, they shouldn't pay taxes. Hell yeah, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I'm full sometimes the guy in a wig you just go you know what I'm full I'm telling you man it's like you watch the porn and it's just like it just starts to be like yeah you watch it so much and you're like what's this and it's just a new thing well it's disassociation like the honest was telling me yesterday it was like you and then you start to think about how come my wife doesn't look like that why don't we do that I'm like where's your penis baby I said that to her a few times here's the eternal here's the eternal question what would you rather do so if you had to have sex with
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I'm going trans. You wouldn't take down like a stud?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And they can tell. If you're gay, they can look at you and be like, yeah, for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That was your hetero kicking in, being like, the smell was off. You're like, what the fuck am I? I got to get out of here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
You would have washed his feet. Yeah, 100%, dude. It would have been nice. Made it work for me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That's code DRENCH on the PrizePix app to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix, run your game. Now, let's get back to the show. Also, guys, before we do, Happy New Year, by the way. Happy New Year. And with the new year, I am glad to announce we're out of the podcasting desert, man. We're after this week.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
yes yeah yes we got nicked we got nicked which gives us our eye and we all got nicked we all got nicked and our wives and girls they all know that we're kind of like out of their friend group like they're like they're proud of us but they're like my husband's kind of gay yeah and they just accept it yeah yeah i i dude it's it's like embarrassing i don't know what to do like i was taught like just like talking sports i don't follow it at all so that it like it makes me feel really gay when other men are like dude you uh blah blah and i'm like i don't know
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
business as motherfucking usual thank you guys for uh you know trudging through the podcasting desert with me it was it was interesting and um you know like i said before it was a crucible situation and a crew and in a crucible you are steel is melted down and reforged into sometimes a stronger sometimes a weaker shape but i'm excited to announce it anyway i don't know i'm very tired i stayed up late last night and now i have to do advertisements let's get back to the show
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It was a battle boy. He took a boy into battle. It was like a battle boy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
fight through like biblical like the bible belt stuff and yeah i'm sure in medieval christianity it was probably kind of frowned upon oh yeah yeah heavily yeah yeah you know uh puritan times every day just like kept bubbling under the surface and eventually was like yeah we're gay the whole society had to be like all right our bad yeah yeah it's a strong strong uh driving force listen to this like people are like oh p p buddha chick
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And the clarity must be amazing, to like not be just kind of like dealing with like a,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
a lady like if you're a gay like and women are like you're just like i i for real i'm not doing this we're immersed in like yeah you know we're immersed in women's thoughts if you have a wife and you're a straight guy it's just like you're constantly just dealing with just whatever you know it's just a minor problem that if you're a gay guy that imagine if those problems never cross your radar yeah i think i didn't eat all day you know you have to be like you can get a lot done yeah you can really crush you can look at michelangelo and you're like that guy got a lot done because he didn't have to listen to like people with smaller brains
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
There is actually a kind of a dark element to just like, We used to do a comedy show in a gay bar. Right. And they were so mean to the female comics.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Oh, yeah, they are. Fucking ruthless. Like, the lady was on. They'd be like, boo, honey, you stink. And I was like, oh, my God.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Ruthless.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It is. It's also, imagine him just drawing all those beautiful baby penises. Oh, yeah. You need the master.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Just bang. Magnificent. God, it's a masterpiece.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Perfect, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
They didn't have it back then. The hair of a eunuch. Dude, medieval London was the same. If you had to take a shit, you were supposed to like walk out of town and like shit off the bridge and it would just fall on the river.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
But if you, like, got caught dumping your thing, they would, like, really fuck you up. Yeah. Fucking the butchers, too, would just throw entrails out into the street every day. So you'd walk, and there would just be, like, rotting fucking animal carcasses.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
No, you know who actually discovered germs before Pasteur? There was a guy, he was a doctor in like, I forget where he was, somewhere in like maybe Belgium or somewhere. And they were doing this thing. I was just talking about this last night. they, so back then they would deliver the babies, you know, a lot of babies died.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
So like there was like where they put the dead babies was really close to where they delivered babies. So doctors would be handling dead babies constantly. Like, all right, here you go. And they're like, all right, let me deliver this baby. So they're transferring like dead fetus germs to living feet. And it was, it was killing like 50% of the babies.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I love playing sports. I love playing sports. Like, I played football, basketball, and I'll still play sports. I just... I can't bear to follow them. I don't care. It's amazing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And then this one doctor was like, dude, I think there's like stuff getting on our hands from these dead babies. And he started washing his hands with like a solution of whatever chemicals and the, uh, And the infant mortality rate went down to only 7% of the babies were dying.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And then he tried to tell the other doctors about it, and they were like, nonsense. We're doctors, and doctors are gentlemen, and gentlemen are always clean. And then they told this guy he was crazy. He went into an insane asylum, and he died. And then they eventually figured out like, fuck. Yeah, he was true. He was totally right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That's crazy because I've been thinking about that nonstop being like, damn, if it was like 200 years ago, I'd have been dead.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. You get a fever and you're done. A lot of wives died in childbirth. Yeah. It was really normal to have like three wives just from like your first two dying. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, what are you talking about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I think it was improper to even like bring it up. I think you had like a couple, although I did like the letters people wrote each other in history. That's something we got to start back up. Yeah, beautiful. Beautiful letters, long letters to each other.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. These paintings. This is what it is. It's a great representation.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Like wild, dude. Damn. Requesting the big stinky bush is like, Pretty out there. He wanted it. He wanted it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, I want that thing lost.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
He wasn't that sweet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's fake news. Trump's not wrong with that. Dude, he really did blow the lid off. I mean, I remember watching the news when I was like- 20. But I was I was always like very stoned all the time. And I was like, dude, this shit is fucking fake.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
But then I would still like read the headlines and like there's got to be some modicum of truth to it. And then like he really did blow the lid off. I was like, oh, shit, we are being all like, yeah, dude, I read this book.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Jesus, look at this dirty Irish mick. They're all drunk. Drunk. Sorry. You're about to go outside and handle business.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That's what it is. He just got the super stream.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
They were bad. They were terrible, though. When you read about what they were up to, you're like, God, those guys must have been fucking terrible. Terrible.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I looked the part.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I was reading. I was reading Angela's Ashes and like it's so sad. The first chapter, just like the author introduces his family. His little sister dies just like in a stroller by herself at nighttime. The family's like they're just all devastated. So they go back to Ireland and they're on a boat. The mom's on the boat. She's pregnant again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And she gets sick, and as they're looking at the Statue of Liberty, she's explaining it to her family. She's like, I look how beautiful this is. And then she goes, and threw up. And the vomit just missed it in the wind and just went on all the other passengers. And they're all like, you fuck. God damn it, lady. Get the fuck out of here. Fuck you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And he just watched seagulls eat his mom's vomit as they sailed away. Fuck. It's beautiful. It is kind of beautiful in a way, but it was the spray of just being like, oh, there it is. Just crushing all the passengers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
But you look like a good cop, too. You really do. I think I would have been a decent cop.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, they were killing it for a while, but they would always bankrupt themselves. That was a problem. Everything I've read about French history is them being like, all right, how much money do we have? Like, nothing. Yeah. Fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
You know what I mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Dude, having like meth psychosis in like World War II as like a Nazi soldier must have been...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
No, I was young too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, I think so. I think you're just ripping at it now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
go sober sober yeah it's hard to do like stand up without that'd be funny a guy facing death he's like no dude i got 13 days sober you guys drink dude i mean we're going to die what do you think this is this is drugs dude this is i'm on using a drug right now yeah i needed it today really but yeah i think a lot of it too is just nicotine i think they're just crushing fucking nicotine pouches yeah probably like 500 milligrams of caffeine a day yeah that's it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
There's a nice story about World War II. Nothing that would chill them out, that's for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I think when they get back, a lot of them do actually, but not when they're there. But there's a story I read about World War II where the... I think the Nazis were in Italy, I think, at some point. And they were like they came to the bridge, you know, Dante's whatever Inferno. Sure. So it was the bridge from the book where he first laid eyes upon Beatrice before she died.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And there's an actual bridge there in Italy. And the Nazis, they could have blown the bridge up to keep like the Americans, whoever, like off their ass. So they radioed. I had some sort of communication. They were like, look, we won't blow up Dante's bridge where he saw Beatrice is such a beautiful place. you guys got to promise to do like a 20 minute timeout. And they're like, all right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And the Americans chilled for like 20 minutes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Let them cross the bridge and they didn't blow it up. And then they used it 20 minutes later and like pursued them. Wow. It was just like a weird moment in the middle of like war where they're like, dude, that fucking bridge is so sweet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yes. Yeah, true. It's just what being a Catholic was.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. It's got to be so nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, you're committing mass murder. So, yeah, you have to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It is. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Because in this society.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
No. In society, you have to control murder. Then every now and again, you got to be like. you know who kind of sucks, actually? Yeah, yeah. What if we just killed that whole country and everyone's like, get the fuck out!
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I went to a basketball camp. It was called Bucky Gill's Basketball Camp in Chichester. And he was the coach of the girls' high school team. And he got around. He was, like, apparently, like, well, this was the rumor, I should say. He was, like, opening the shower curtains, like, spraying them with soap. He was, like, back there partying with the girls. Wow, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That was a total green light. I've heard people, I should say, who think we're going to go to war with China. That's inevitable.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Dude, my theory is World War III, if we're all being smart, we should stop fighting kind of like, you know, between countries and have just all attack the oldest, like the elderly. Yeah, right. Just plunder the elderly. Get them out of here. If you got to get your blood thirst. Yeah, exactly. We all plunder. We all make a deal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Like, look, let's just use all these advanced technologies we've created to like, yeah, absolutely plunder the elderly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That would be great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Common enemy. They're going to use it to do like a one world government situation. You think so? I mean, yeah, people get mad. I always say this, but I do think like that kind of set up or that, I don't know, man. I don't know if we'll always be countries or if that unification will ever happen where we're like, because I mean, they have the EU now. Right. So all it would take is like the US.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I don't know, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
They are. I'd like to speak that language.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Dude, French as well, man. I've always... I'm like... The French accent kills me. Yeah. I'd love to fucking French. But yeah, I... I don't know. I mean, here's the thing. If that happened, even if they staged a fake alien attack and we got to be like with like Russia, like, come on, brother, let's shoot down these fucking aliens. That would be fun. That would be.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
How much better than COVID would that be? Being like, we're fighting the aliens together.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I know we'd be done.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Pow.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Well, this is my argument for that. If you're able to get to that level of technology, I do think there's a good chance that you would have worked out the weird interpersonal kinks that would make you like a weird kind of like domineering warrior.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And then we all had his basketball camp shirt because everyone went there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
They're probably digging the cast. I think so.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
If you could hear, they're probably smart enough. Imagine if you could just watch Ants and get a full in-depth look into what they're thinking and feeling all day. This is awesome. That's a good point, actually. It is. That's a good point.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
But then when he got in trouble for it, we'd all wear the shirt. We thought it was funny. We'd all wear the shirt.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah! Just kidding around. I'm just kidding around. Turn around. Yeah, we're just joking. It's a character piece. It's probably AI now. The nuke's probably conscious.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, they think they're going to set off the nuke or something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Oh, okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
So... Yeah, I mean, dude, I don't know. I had a guy on recently. He did a James Fox. He did, like, multiple documentaries on UAPs and UFOs and stuff. And he's like... I mean, he's totally convinced. He's like, dude, we've been contacted multiple times. But I don't know. I don't know what the fuck you're going to do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's like if you're worried about an alien invasion, it's like, bro, you're totally paralyzed.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I have zero even nuclear nuclear war. I'm kind of like whatever. Yeah, I just don't worry about it. I'm like, dude, I don't know if it's going to happen. Hope it doesn't happen. But, you know, I'm not going to be like, hey, guys, knock it off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
We should really rethink this, but it's like... It would suck if it didn't... If it was like... It put us in like the wasteland scenario. But then it's like we get to all dune out, so it's like... I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. That'll be huge. If we somehow... If they can use the aliens to make us somehow like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
all disarm like our nuclear weapons but like no one's no one's gonna want to do it first they're gonna be like you know what would happen though the aliens would have us disarm the nuclear weapons and then we would just go back to medieval warfare like 20 years later we would just start attacking the regular way which that would suck yeah no we could still we could still drop big bombs they just okay but just no nukes but when you're like murdering each other you're gonna get the edge it's like it's right it's a catchy thing yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That's what the guy James Fox was saying. It was like a lot of the sightings around military stuff have always been. And then I was like, well, what if it's just like super advanced technology they're not talking about? He's like, I mean, even that is like a whole thing in itself. He's like, it could be. Right, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
They're claiming they can do like full speed right angle turns just like that. He said there was a pilot that like saw like a silver kind of like almost like cylinder object just buzzing around. And he like did a nosedive to come down to see what it was. And he said the thing spiraled up towards him. And then when he kind of like, he like tried to contain it, it just was gone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And then he, they had like a latitude longitude. And he was like, when he got to the latitude longitude, it was just there, just like waiting for him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. The problem is, is like, well, there's like two things is you could fake that so easy. You could fake that. But there's all these like high level military guys coming out being like, no, for real. I saw it's like, why would they risk their. They either don't care about us.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, or like I said, I hold out hope being like, dude, if you get that advanced, you must. There's no way you get that advanced when you're still kind of self-destructive and all that. I think they might be pretty chill.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, but shame is pretty good, though, because it keeps like you should have a sense of like if you do a certain thing, there's going to be a bad feeling accompanying it. Yeah. If I went home and like blew my dog and just like. Took a walk. That's a problem for society. I need to be like, what the fuck? Solid, solid point. It's a good point. Solid point. Shame's not a bad thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
What I said was wrong. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
You need it, dude. Shame is a good thing. I mean, it's like the beginnings of your conscience. It's just your conscience. But it's like if you kind of get carried away with it, you can't burden yourself with it. But like having no shame is not good. Not good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's not good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. It is for real, dude. I'm like being genuine. His ability to sit there for three hours and talk, it's uncanny. It's crazy. I don't know anyone else who can do it. I can feel an hour in me and I go, all right, I've hit an hour and I start going, all right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's for real. It's pretty nuts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
After you podcast a lot, it does kind of suck when you socialize. You're like, dude, I should be getting paid for this. Yeah. Why am I wasting my time?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I'm out with my neighbors. I could just be man on the street right now. Yeah. Generating content. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
So you can see that at patreon.com slash history hyenas.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. He's doing Veritas on fucking. Yeah, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Did you see those videos?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I don't know if they were real, though. They were real. I think so. I think they are real. Dude, if you get a guy, you're getting crushed. Like, dude, if you like, just go on like LinkedIn profiles and just have like a hot chick. I'd love to come out and talk to you. OK.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And like, dude, we're fucking we're like making up half these fucking. And it was just like there's a guy. He claimed that they were making variants that they could get ahead of them so they could create vaccines for ones they made up. But here's the he validated. He said that. So they're like, that's wild.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
COVID's out there and they're like, well, what if we made a thing like it, got the vaccine for it, and then that way we're already ready if something like that strikes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's like a gray area with the journalists, though. I think journalists can do that somehow. Can they? I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That's a good question because I know you can't record a phone call. without the other person's consent. So I would assume that it would be in person. Which I've also done a bunch of times. You just posted it. Yeah, it's fun. But you can... Yeah, I don't know, man. It's a weird gray area because I feel like journalists have to be able to do that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Like whistleblowers and shit do it all the time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
True.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
You have to be like, yeah, which, you know, that is, there is some trickery there always.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. Yeah, that's true.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
yeah this 50 we were watching on the plane so what we couldn't hear what what's the thing 50 guys are going down for i think a guy was just kind of like like this is what diddy was getting accused of with cassie or cat whatever her name is cassidy yeah saying like he would just be like imagine you took your wife out to a nice dinner and then like when you got home you're like surprise babe and they're just like four dudes there and she's like i don't really feel like it he's like no it's going down and he would just have her get allegedly have her get kind of banged out wow
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And I think the French guy was going ham with it at the same setup where he'd be like, surprise. And it was just like four of his four dudes. I'm not going to say his bros. I don't know if they're his bros or not, but it'd be like four or five dudes would just run the fucking. Banging out his wife. Yeah. It was like apparently 50 dudes got caught.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's the opposite. I think when you're like a Jack Strong kid, they know. They're like, no, this kid might be mad. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And he's a real wealthy celebrity in France, this kind of guy? I guess so, yeah. Which is the craziest thing to get caught with.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Wild. Yeah, man. It's fucked up. And that's such a wild one, though, man. Yeah. They go, you're not going to fuck me. All right. You just have, like, dudes come through.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Never me, bro. I'm new. That's why. No, bro. I would be so mad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I would be upset. Third guy, you'd be like, what the fuck am I doing? This is... yeah oh take three yeah like by the third you're like wait this wasn't a good idea yeah i was fine with the first two crazies for you and 50 people to all go down together for that that was that trial must have been crazy yeah they're all going down too yeah yeah what is french
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
jail even like though you think it's even that big of a deal probably cigarettes baguettes yeah true it's probably jail is probably in the gay sex there's probably has that's probably awesome well it's loving yeah it probably is like yeah that's i don't know man the french jail probably actually does suck yeah i mean all jails i mean yeah yeah But I wonder if the food might be all right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Dude, I saw I saw a documentary about that. They have like guitars and shit. They have like music rooms. You can just go play. It's like that is a kind of a good idea.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
No. Not at all. And you can do a pretty sick crime. You can like crash a car into someone's house. Something like, you know, crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And yeah, let's just send him to Guantanamo. Yeah. Yeah. Because, yeah, he shouldn't be there like doing like fucking. He's probably getting emails and stuff. Yeah. So that guy should be locked up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I'm chilling. But yeah, where are we at time-wise? I don't want to keep you guys up. We're good. Let's get some breakfast, dude. Yeah, let's fucking eat some breakfast. Thank you guys, dude. Thanks for coming on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That's going to be awesome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Hell yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That's how it works. You don't remember. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I thought he was clipping kids and being like, forget about it. Yeah, he was.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Do we know? Why they don't get in trouble, you're saying?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Why are they always hot? Always hot, yeah. So I think it goes down to, or comes down to, like, a lot of women's television is still centered around high school. Like, even like, you know, like, what, uh... There's always, in my opinion, a lot of those soaps have like a heavy high school romance element to it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Like women constantly watch high schoolers like make out and have sex. It's part of a lot of the shows. That's a good call.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That was a big one. Dude, all like the, you know, fucking just all those like soapy dramas. A lot of them are centered around high school love. And that's like a thing for them. It's like the meeting when like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Damn, that's crazy. They came so far that they can be pedophiles. Yeah, that's how you know that we're equal now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, but that's the thing, though. The problem is as then as a 17 year old, you can get like sucked into like adult kind of dynamics. Like, you know, say she's cheating on her husband. That's like a crazy thing to get a kid in the middle of. That's right. Although, to be fair, I don't know. Would you rather if you were to be cuckolded, would you rather it be like a young like boy?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
just flaccid penis people be like what a astonishing man i got so nervous that's why that's why these sculptures medieval sculptures are all little flaccid penises because that was beautiful yeah you were smart i got so scared just watching him at that podium when he said african slaves i was like i hope this finishes good just the podium is just kind of like you're going all right let's just it's such a funny thing to be like oh those huge muscular exotic guys yeah well trust me they got huge dicks you want anything to do with
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Some guy raised like his pint of ale, like I got it. I know. But dude, it turns out that they do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Well, if you saw their condom studies, they released the data and it wasn't the average. It wasn't as big as you would thought in terms of like compared. It's not that much bigger on average. They just had a couple of 13, 14 inches. But I think their outliers do. I think they kind of. Right. I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's also crazy to be white and have like a huge, that's kind of something unsettling about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I'd get it reduced.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, it was like they tied to their like mythic folklore of like the German here and all that stuff. And yeah, that would for sure get anyone pumped.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It is funny to ride the wave of like just someone else's dick. He's like, yeah, I saw it. And you're going to catch me on the road at. Just put your dates across the shaft of his deck of the pick you have from when he's 18. Yeah. For your dick to get like a legend of its own must be kind of cool. Oh, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Wow, wow, Wes. Nice. Yeah, we were just talking plane crashes. Too many, man. Way too many. Hey, shit. Got a nigga scared, shit. Dude, I'm telling you, I flew. I had to fly with my wife and I was just ready. I was like, man, if this is it, this is it. That's crazy, dude, how the helicopter just flew into that fucking plane.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
The strippers make the money. The bartender should be kind of like busted and the strippers should be better. I mean, they make it, but our bartender's not better than the strippers. That's a weird thing I never thought about because the bartender's always like. Why they do that? I don't know, man. I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, I might, you know, I've been kind of like hot for like a charitable cause. I might go back to Philly and try to get like the, thicken the strippers up. That could be my charity. Yeah, for sure. Feed them properly. Raise awareness because there's, dude, there's some like really scrambling. True. Get them right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
There's some really scraggly... Like, dude, there was... It's pretty... I used to deliver beer, and I would go deliver beer to the strip clubs, and, like, I would go in there at, like, 12, you know, noon, just dropping cases of beer off, and you would see the dudes in there at... Did you ever go, like, in the afternoon time? Which I have done myself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
You can sit there and talk. You can, like, talk to them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
So that's why you like going to the strip club. I love the daytime. They get too active at nighttime. During the day, you can talk to them. At nighttime, it's like the flip switches and they're just too like... For sure. You can really talk to them. And it's also, like, I used to love to, like, just ask them, like, what's, like, the craziest shit?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, dude. The fucking plane gets on fire. Did you see that one video with the plane? It was in, I think... Houston. No, there was one months ago in Brazil. Oh, damn. I don't know if it was Brazil. It was another country, and the plane, the engines lost power, and it just fell. It didn't even crash. It just fell dead out of the sky. Like, insane.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Like, what's, like, the weirdest request you've ever had just out of personal curiosity? And, dude, I've... It's pretty jarring. Have you ever gotten into that with them? Hell, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, I talked to one lady one time who said that she got, I think, like two grand or a thousand bucks for a guy would or she she would have her and her friends like pee in like a bar glass and he would they'd have to watch. He would drink their pee at the bar and give him like two grand.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, pretty tight. I mean, it's cool to be that fucking, it's crazy. Would you do that? No, dude, hell no. Just for health reasons. I wouldn't drink. Drinking piss is crazy. Stripper pee would get you fucked up, though. If you drank stripper pee, you would probably get kind of fucked up. But you know what's crazy? A lot of girls like to be peed on. Really?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Way ahead of his time. A man ahead of his time. A sexual pioneer. You know what I'm saying?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, I've heard they all eat ass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
man come on man no now i feel like i'm getting hit like yeah yeah i mean that's what i'm saying i'm a man so i hang i have a limb you eat my ass now i feel like you eat my pussy or something i feel like a bitch like yeah this is what's happening the girls the girls are trying to capture men by reflecting what they're seeing in pornography and everyone's getting increasingly more which it's one of those things where people weren't even going to care about gay stuff in 40 years anyway
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
So you could be dying on a hill that doesn't matter.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Everyone does. You can't argue with that. It's unbelievable. That's my go-to, personally. Yeah, if I'm on top, I'll be like, come on. I need you. I need you. Oh, I'm knocking over shit. You don't need rhinos, dude. You just need her to latch on there. Dude, you're fucking... It just be the Adderall.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
So here's the thing, though. With the rhinos, don't you worry, like, you know, you're going to start, it becomes like something you need every time. Hell no, because see, me, now that I'm drug free, you know what I'm saying, I don't do nothing no more. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Dude, they exploded. It literally, it just lost power. Like, if you know, like, you think airplane crash, you're like, like that. This just stopped and was like, boom, and did like a dead spin and just fell. Dude, it was the most fucked up shit I've ever seen. But, you know, I flew this weekend. I'm all right. I flew. Back and forth. And again, this is the best time. Y'all got to tighten up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Do you drink coffee or just like you like to – are you talking about the little time-release balls or you like the powder?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Oh, you're saying with the Rhino you take a little powder. Oh, hell yeah. I thought you were saying you're cracking Adderall capsules.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, well, the problem, the Perks lead to the Roxy's, Oxy's, and all that stuff. That's a problem. I knew dudes that would take like 30 in a weekend. It's like, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
sip and shit like that like my dad never had addictive personality and my shit not addicted like that like i can stop cold turkey when i want yeah i'm the same way i i've tried i've tried percocets all that stuff i didn't really care for them i was always like it's a waste of money i'm not wasting money on them but the uh i got one time my sister had bronchitis i think so they gave her the promethazine like a bottle of it and me and my brother it was like the day before thanksgiving whatever i forget i think it's day before easter so like we were all home at my parents house
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
we went to a bar we got drunk the night before and then we come back and we're in the bathroom and i opened the little drug like the drug cabinet i showed my brother's hammer and i wasn't that drunk but i was like he was shit-faced and i grabbed the bottle of promethazine i just untwisted it but i put my tongue over the cap and i pretended like i was chugging like a bunch of it and he's like give me that shit i'll do it right now he chugged like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
a good amount of it damn and he woke up the next day with a hangover and also just like fucked up from that shit literally all day we were in church he was just sitting there like this like all fucked up like what did he drink last night cause that promethazine it's gonna hit you harder than lean cause like the codeine and shit it help you lean the promethazine put you straight down then not only that I remember when so when I so my transition to drinking liquor
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah. Cause especially did you like pass out? Did you get like real tired or were you like, cause I know anyone I knew who was on a lot of pills, you go out and have one drink with them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Well, that was the fucked up thing because then both political sides started blaming each other. They're like, you know, Republicans were like doing the DEI stuff and then the Democrats were like, you fired the head of the FAA, the federal or whatever. But then it's like, dude, so you're telling me if one guy, you guys have an organization where one guy leaves, everything starts to crash?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
My friend drank four and crashed his car into a hill. We tried to sell. We tried to sell. It was probably all, like, watered down. But we, like, got a magazine and tried to sell it in the suburbs. And I remember being like, all right, dude, hide this at your house. I'll be back for it. He just drank the whole thing, crashed into a hill.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
So let me run down all the slang for you. Because I'm pretty sure we bought like K-Rose syrup. I think we got ripped off. That's what they said. You got to watch for people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Well, you know what they're doing with weed, too, is they're taking, you know, like K2 and Spice and all that? Yeah, yeah. They're just taking the synthetic, like, cannabinoids and just, like, it's like THC, and they just make it in a lab, and it's, like, one molecule off, so it's, like, technically legal. Right. And they just spray it on, like, shit weed, and they're doing that now to people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
It's like, what was he doing all the fucking... Low sticks himself?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, it's kind of fucked up. And now weed's legal, dude. Not in Texas. Yes, it is. Because here's the thing. They're doing Delta 9. So with weed, it's like Delta 9 THC. That's the illegal substance. You know how when you make brownies, you have to heat weed up? Right. To get that whatever. They call it carboxylated. You got to heat it up to make it active.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
And all you're doing is, so weed naturally is THC-A. It's a carbon molecule. When you heat it up, you remove the carbon molecule, and then you can eat it and get high from it. So they're just testing weed as is, as THCA, and saying it's hemp, and it's totally legal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, it's ridiculous. Dude, I had a guy on who was, he got caught selling, he's a white dude, he got caught selling LSD in 92. Right. Dude, he got caught with, he didn't even get, he didn't get caught with anything personally. It was just all, he was sending Western unions, and they like traced it back to him. Right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Dude, they wanted to give him like 35, 30 years, I think, for like maybe a couple sheets of acid, like something crazy. Yeah. So they're like, but the weed, they're really killing people. And now it's like nobody wants to be the last prosecutor. Happened to Kamala. She was fucking crushing people on, like, bullshit weed charges. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Landscape shifts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
And now it's like, yeah, remember you throw those people in jail and it fucking killed her. So I don't think judges, if they have political, like, they want to rise in the political world, want to be the last guy. That's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
I know. Dude, it's getting weird, man. I'm off the porn right now. I'm actually, dude, I'm in a fasted state right now. Not talking about just off the porn and stuff. I haven't eaten in two days. Yeah, I'm just fasting. I'm in a state of grace. No, nothing. Just water. A little bit of coffee. All the time I can do that is on Adderall. Oh, you can do that. Yeah, two days easy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, Philly's like that, though. Philly, they like to criminalize weed, but, yeah, if you get caught with heroin or coke, maybe, I don't know. We had that guy who was just, like, letting everything go for a while, but I don't think it really worked that well.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
I don't know why they're doing all that. It's coming. You got all these people from California moving. People from California with a bunch of money are moving here, and they're going to be like, bro, knock it off. But now you can have, like, I guess Austin, they don't really care.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
But, yeah, I heard if you leave Austin in another part of Texas, you can get, like, locked up for a vape cartridge.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Jesus Christ. Yeah, I remember talking to someone who, like, got pulled over and was like, yeah, I was in jail for vape cartridges. What? Because in Philly, they really don't care. In Philly, you can get caught with... even like years ago.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
I feel like they would really get you in the early 2000s, but in Philly today, if you got caught with five pounds of weed, I don't know if you'd even go to jail.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, man. I don't know. It gets people's wheels spinning in a really bad way where it's like, why? How the fuck did that happen? And then, this is the crazy part.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
You know what I'm saying? A thousand pounds is a lot, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
You kind of got in the right, that was like the perfect timing, man. Five years ago, you would have been, five years before that, they probably would have booked it completely.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
18 days for a joint sucks. Yeah, Texas is way behind, I feel like, anywhere else in the country. Like, flying, you can fly with me. They don't give a fuck at all. They don't give a damn. They don't care at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
I push it to the limit. I've chilled because I talk about it publicly. If I go to Denver and come back, it's like I'll fly with a couple ounces and just pucker up my butthole through security and just fucking go through it. But they don't care. Dude, I've had a guy one time because sometimes I'll fly with my kids and I brought a jar of peanut butter home one time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
And they were like, they moved literally weed out of the way. And we're like, what's this? The peanut butter. And they're like, you can't be bringing this. And I was just like, hey, man, take the peanut butter.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, I had one guy one time give me shit when I was leaving. I had just a pack of pre-rolled joints. He's like, why are you hiding these? I'm like, I'm not hiding them. I was like, I just put them in. I put them in a thing so they didn't smell because I don't want to get rude on the airplane. He's like, well, it's not that you have them. It's that you're hiding them from me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
I'm like, I don't give a fuck that you have them, man. I was like, if you're going to take them, take them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
They grab your dick too, dude. Do you have to go through the thing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
We have a friend, dude. Dude, our friend Nate, I don't know what it is. He was with Shane the one time. They like absolutely molested him. Then he was with me the one time. And I turned around and like, dude, they were just like all over this guy. And it keeps happening to him. Yeah. It sucks, man. You got to switch it up. It's something. He's got to pull his fucking pants up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
I'm going to tell him, hike your fucking pants. Although his pants are pretty hiked, so. That's a good, why do you think pulling your pants up helps?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Who, somebody's fucking with me for sure. Happened to Shannon Sharp, he said. They thought his dick was something other than a dick, and they were like, he spazzed out. I done went home, let y'all kiss my ass. Right now, I'm at the pool in here now. Shit, I'd be glad for them to be like, what the fuck is that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
It's called stim-fapping. Stim-fapping. What's that? Put me on game. Stim-fapping is when you use stimulants and just go into a porn hole and just allow yourself to fap. It's like chem sex. I mean, I'm not... Chem sex, gay guys... I'm obviously not drawing the comparison, but chem sex is big in the gay community where you just get whacked on meth, and it's just dudes on meth.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
They don't even make me walk through the metal detectors. They're like, man, just go ahead, little guy. You're all right. Let's go. You want to go with the pilot? I go, yeah, thanks, man. They give me the little pilot wings and smack me on the butt. And I go, get on the plane, little guy. Damn. So you can get caught with a gun in Texas and it's not as much trouble as. It ain't shit. Really?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Even if it's like a modified.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Hell no. What? Just carrying it. Damn, they gave it back? Hell yeah. Kind of chill. Why'd they give it back, do you think? Because in Philly, they fucking crush you for guns.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah. Dude, I never, like, growing up in my family, we didn't really have any cops. My mom's cousin was a detective. But really, we had zero mostly like the immediate family. There was zero. My dad was like they did like trash. So they he's always like they're a fucking pain in the ass. They pull your trucks over. I never really got to interact with police like police officers at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
And then my wife, when we after a couple of years of dating, became a cop. It was the craziest thing in the fucking world. She just became a cop. And I got to like meet cops and talk to my wife now. She's a cop? She's not. She retired quickly. But she was a Philly cop. And she had gone to school for criminal forensics. So she was trying to get into a lab.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
And they're like, well, if you're sworn in. It's this whole thing. She's like, fuck it. I'll just become a cop. Dude, I had pounds of weed in my face. Yeah, I was about to ask you. She ever threatened to lock your ass up? She would fuck around about it. But she never crossed that line of being seriously like that. I'd be scared to date a cop. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
It was kind of cool, though, because I got to, like, really interact with cops, like, a lot and get to really understand, like, how they're ticking away. For sure. And that's all they want. It's pretty, like, if they pull you over, they just want you to be, like, damn, dude, like, you have the hardest job ever and just really pump them up. Like, bro, nobody.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
And it actually is true because I, like, got to, like, hear about what they're dealing with and shit. And I'm, like, it is literally the worst fucking job ever. If you get pulled over and you turn the light on right away in the interior light. It's the worst legal job.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, I could see that. Yeah, it would be better if I were selling crack. I would envy a cop for sure. Especially if it all came crashing down. I could have had benefits. I could have had health care.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Nah, I ain't doing that. Just for days straight. I'm not saying you're doing that, but stim-fapping's the hetero version of that. I don't stim nothing. I just, all this shit stemmed from the Adderall.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
That is kind of funny. Yeah. My, my wife said there was a lot of that. There was people who are like training day. Yeah. Yes. And like, and it's one of those things where there's, she was like, there's not technically a quota, but they're on your ass about, they call it activity where they're like, Hey man, you don't have any activity.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
And if you're going and like getting guns and all this stuff, you're like, your promotions just kind of awaiting you. But then there's, like, then, like, you know, because they get down on people. Like, yeah, he's a fucking bum. He doesn't do anything. But my wife, she's small. She's, like, a small lady.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
And she would just, what she would get on is, like, when she would see kids that aren't in car seats, she would devastate. She would, like, no mercy on that shit. And other than that, she didn't really give a fuck about anything. But she was just making sure people weren't doing anything crazy. And the domestics are, that's the weird part. When you got to go into, like, fights between couples.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Oh, yeah. That shit sucks, man. Hell, yeah. I hate arguments.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, that's like cops. There are a lot of them that were like, oh, yeah, you're the exact stereotype people talk about with cops. There's a lot of those guys. I ain't going to lie, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
There was a guy, whatchamacallit, there was these dudes in Baltimore that were doing, they were called Backpack Pops, where they was, you know, and it's like, it is kind of like, they must know what's going on. If they see a guy with, like, a little, like, school bag or a backpack, they would just, because it's like, if you see a dude who's not school age with a backpack, he's selling for a drug.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Like, no one's just walking around with a school bag. Besides me, I carry my laptop in there right now. But it's one of those, and they would just pull up and be like, get out of the, and they would just ditch the backpack and be like, sweet, and just take it. And they were robbing people doing that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Oh, wow. So you actually, that makes sense. Hell, yeah. Beat seven. Was it all at the same time?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Like, yeah, I need to fast. The Adderall rhino. Dude, you're definitely stim faffing, by the way. If you're telling me you're entering rhino pills in there, that's stim faffing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Oh, he was just choking you the whole time. Hell yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Well, here, dude, if you go off the porn, I was literally just thinking about this today. I've been off it. Thank God. I mean, it's been since like the new year, which is pretty, that's pretty good for me because I'm a bit of an avid consumer myself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah. But thank God. Fucking Christ. It was his auntie, you feel me? Yeah, that's probably why they're kicking such a cloud of dust over because it was a sheriff. How the fuck did he get this?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
But dude, when you go off of it, your brain really does rewire to the point where you're like, you can just like smell a lady's perfume and you're like, holy shit. Like, when you were a kid, you get back to that. Because I really think, like, porn has, I feel like it's made all of us more gay. Like, I'm not saying everyone's gay, but I'm saying, like, here's the thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
That's the killer combo when you have the gun and weed. That's when they kind of really get it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, what do you think about all the new guns with all the ones you can make yourself and 3D printing and all that stuff? The guy who killed the CEO said he just had a 3D printing gun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Keep it straight. Yeah. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, dude. Well, that's fucked up. Yeah, it was crazy how the guy apparently printed his own gun. Printed his own gun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, I guess they're saying, yeah, because they're like, well, if you're doing an untraceable gun, what are you doing? Why do you want that? Yeah, that's crazy. Damn, dude. Well, dude, what else is going on?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
That's cool. Oh yeah, because you just did a fucking, you just did an album. You just released a what?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
If you walk by and you see a lady's shoulders and you get kind of chubbed up, you're definitely less gay than a guy who doesn't get chubbed up from seeing a lady's shoulders. You know what I'm saying? So if you're watching porn, you're just slowly, you're still hetero, but you're drifting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah. Well, what do they try to do? Just get like a piece of your touring? Nah, so they don't get nothing to me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, but where do they collect their advance on if you're not selling CDs? Like, nobody sells CDs anymore. I mean, so, oh, so it's streaming.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah. So you just, when did you start, when did you start a label?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
That's so... Brian Pumper might be the funniest dude. Did somebody crack some eggs on his head and he just sit there? Something. Yeah, he was like a big adult. He was like a male porn star. I know he... He just lost his fucking mind. Yeah, tripping. Yeah, he kind of lost it, but he is funny. He makes really... His videos are funny as shit. Like comedy videos?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, I don't know if he's trying to be funny or what, but they're genuinely funny. He got in trouble because he was, from what I heard, he's doing professional porn. And then when you're doing that, you can't fuck around on your own, apparently. Because you need to be tested, all that stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
And what they say he did, I don't know if it's true or not, but they're saying that he was just hawking people down on the subway. He would just hawk ladies down on the subway and be like, I'll give you 500 bucks right now. We'll film a porn tape. And, you know, he was getting people to do it, but he wasn't, like, testing or anything.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
You're not stim-packing. But nah, I know what you mean.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
It's a vicious cycle, dude. Like the OnlyFans, because then the women now are just contorting themselves into like artificial. It's the women. It's these new camera filters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Not interested. You got to go, not interested. No thank you, Elon. I'm telling you, dude, it makes a huge difference for me, man, just getting off that shit altogether. Yeah, for sure. Because then it's like, dude, women now look like fucking artificial beings. They're chasing an ideal that's just completely artificial, and they're shredding themselves into oblivion.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Damn. They're getting more gay. The women are getting more gay. The guys are getting more gay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
It's too crazy. Yeah, and then if you like, when I fly with my kids, they make me read the brochure to them. They're like, read this. And I have to, like, you know, like, why do they have their heads down their laps? I'm like, that's, you know, if you just want to get a little extra comfortable in case we got to land really quick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
I'm like, God damn. They're pouring into you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, but they're not building their self-esteem. They have fucking... They're getting, like, they're shooting... I think Botox is like snake venom. Yeah. It relaxes your, like, nervous system, your muscles in your face. I was just saying that so I don't get canceled. No, dude, they need to hear it. They need to hear it, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
I mean, I'm not, like, trying to be, like, a big, hard-ass, like, fucking ladies listen up, but it's like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Dude, if you think about it, like, we've... I mean, dude, we've got... There was... If you ever listen to, like, The Brave New World or read Aldous Huxley's, like, a book about the future, he had this big thing where it was, like, we've traded, like, real interpersonal communications for... He called it the pneumatic ideal, which is, like, women specifically are, like... The women of the future, he predicted, would just be, like, pumped full of air to give her a pleasing appearance, but then men would fall in love with this thing that's essentially hollow and worthless.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah. It's kind of fucked up. But if you think about it, dude, it's like, so you have women. If you think about women and only fans, it's like, all right, we can do only fans. We can make millions of dollars, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's like, dude, and I'm not saying this to be a dickhead. This is, I think, scientific fact. They'd be happier to have a kid.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
It's like you could just put up neurological brain scans and say, all right, what do you what is there more, you know, like serotonin and like dopamine. You can measure the chemicals. What you're flowing more when you're holding your child or if you're stiff, like putting like marbles up your asshole on a camera. Hands down, dude. It's like not even close. It's not even close.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
So it's like, yeah, dude. Then, you know, it's like but then if you can make millions of dollars, everyone's fapping to it. It's like so, you know. I'm done, dude. I'm an avid fapper, dude, and I've been trying. I've been off, thank God, because once you have kids, you have to stop.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
And I'm like, that's what you do to keep you from, like, freaking out. Like, that's what happens. You're about to die. And they tell you to, like, try to blow yourself. You ever see the picture? They're like, put your head in your lap.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah, man. I've gotten caught so many times, dude. It's embarrassing. It sucks. And there's no way. I just got caught this weekend. There's no way. I snuck off to the shower in the morning. I thought it was safe. I was like, look, I'm not going to bother you. And then she was like, what are you doing in there? And I was like. Same thing. Standing in the shower.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
I was trying to... That's my thing. I'm trying to be nice because I'm not trying to bother you. I'm like, all right. I'm like, let's just get out of here. We got to fly today. I'm going to rub one out real quick. We'll get on the plane. Jess, what are you doing? I was like, standing in the shower with a boner. Like, no, I just woke up. It's natural. And she was like, I saw what you were doing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
I was like, no, you didn't. And then I'm caught lying. I'm like, God damn it. And I'm like, yes, I was...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
I feel like the worst person on earth. But that's the thing too. I feel like a lot of the shame is like just self-possessed. Cause she's like, yeah, if you want to do it, go ahead. I don't mind. She's like, I, and I was just like, oh shit. So kind of spun it into some, you know, freaky morning stuff. But it was like, sometimes they do. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
We had our own little, like, what was it called? The young King party.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
I'm sorry. It was like the latest Diddy thing. He wasn't having freak-offs. They were Young King parties. I'm sorry. Young King nights or something. I ain't gonna lie.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
I ain't never seen that shit. Well, yeah, I heard this was like a huge the fuck knows anything about it. But I watched it. You ever watch Soft White Underbelly? I love it. I love that fucking show. So he had there was a lady who said she was there and it was much more like organized because it was like she was outside. According to her, she was outside. There's like an outside of the party.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Then there's like the inside and it's like back and forth and there's like security. And she says she was let into the inside. And that's why a lot of people were there. But they were like, I don't really see anything. Because there's kind of like a party within the party that is kind of selective. And they have people. Someone reached out to her and was like, we want you to come in.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
That's true. That would be crazy to see somebody think they're going down and just have their head just right in their lap.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
And then she came in. And she was like, I just saw some pretty wild shit. And was like, just took off. But it's a shame that happened. Because now everyone's on. They know who to select.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Well, everyone's on high guard now because it's like it just sucks. It's like everyone. It was like the Epstein thing when Epstein got in trouble. Everyone's like, you motherfuckers are all child molesters. And it's like, bro, I promise you, I didn't do that. Yeah, it's tough.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
But the Young King night is, I mean, from a branding perspective, from just a brand, it's such a funny thing to call, you know, whatever the fuck he was doing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
The booty club. Yeah, so I was actually curious about that. What's the etiquette? So say, like, you're in the club. You're there. There's, like, girls around and stuff. Do you ever, like, fart in the club, or do you try to, like, keep that to a minimum?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Get up in here. How often does that happen to somebody to just, like, crush a club with a hard fart? I don't know. I don't know what made you ask me that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Yeah. I just, I've never heard a rapper. You're always like something about the club. I never heard anyone mentioned farting in the club. I know it happens.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
Oh, man. Yeah, that makes sense. That's crazy you're getting this close up on him. Yeah, there is the fit. Bro, come on. You know, sometimes they throw that ass in your face. I might be shooting a video. It's true. No, it's true. That's actually fucking awesome. Man, I know a nigga that was in a strip club. He got this close. He got pink eye. What? Pink eye the next day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
There's a strip club in Philly if you're ever there. I actually don't even recommend you go there. It's on the northwest side? No, this isn't like South Philly. It's called Show and Tell. Oh, no. But they would have, what was the one you were talking about? Hey, what's the name of that strip club? Huh?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
No, I don't know about set it off. I've never been. But show and tell was bring your own beer and you can go there when you're like 18, whatever. And they used to, when I was younger, they had live dildo shows where they would have women on stage. These were clearly addicted to heroin. These were like junkies. On stage, like fucking band-aids on their butt. It was bad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 546 - Maxo Kream (feat. Maxo Kream)
And they would just fucking dildo each other. And then they would reach it into the crowd and the dudes would be like, whoa, like dipping away. Like get that the fuck away from me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
She's nice enough, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
That OF guy must have... He had that coming.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Kid dick and balls. Kid balls.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
She sounds like bees, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Tall guy holds me up. Yeah, he's in my waist.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
No! No! Get him out of here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And they're like, did you say this?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yes, yes, let me. Let's get 20 of our friends.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
wow wow wes hey we're fired up what's up everybody welcome to the motherfucking maybe the patreon maybe the regular who knows man who the fuck knows who the fuck knows dude nate lemare thank you guys thank you guys for coming man i appreciate you guys yes i mean i woke up today and i was like can i just bring you know can i just have a good time today
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
What are you talking about right now, dude? How dare you? Don't make me put my shit on right now, dude. I'm going to put my leather fit on right now. I'll fucking fuck the vibe up. I'll put my leather fucking hat on right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what would happen. I guess you probably would get arrested. Yeah. If like a guy, I don't know if a guy screams it at you. I think now you can be like, I was defending myself. I felt unsafe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
from across that stuff that's you can't do anything you can't prove it that's a sniper show dude i had a guy i had a homeless guy try to when i was in philly a long long time ago it was part of his whole thing where he would like come up to you on south street like hey can i get some money and i was like no and he literally waited till other black people were coming he goes this guy just called me the fuck i can't believe you called me the n-word and i was like bro nice try nice try but it's also like a sick move but did anybody seem to did they buy it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
No, they were walking. I was just like, bro, whatever, man. I was like, get out of here. And they just kind of laughed and walked by. I was like, that was kind of a nice move.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
We were outside of the Haagen-Dazs. I was like getting Haagen-Dazs too. And I'm like, bro, you kind of got me dead. This is the headquarters. God damn, dude. How long was he standing by you before black people showed up that he could hit them? It was like they were at the very end or like a block and a half away. So he kind of was like, come on, man. Come on, man. I'm like, dude, for real.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I was just trying to enjoy some ice cream before I went to the laugh house. He's plod for it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I know. What the fuck? He was one of the turtle skeletons outside of Bowser's house. But yeah, man, I was actually, I was in a minority position recently. I recently, last weekend, I had to go to a Western theme. But did I tell you guys I was going to a Western theme party? No. So my wife has somehow fallen in with, I didn't even know this term before. You know what wags are?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
wives and girlfriends of athletes okay no so she was she kept saying like wags i'm like i don't know what you're talking about but it was they were just like a bunch of uh athletes and they're having like a western themed party so i've never got to dress like a cowboy before i was so excited i was like dude i've always wanted to just like see what happened which you know again like speaking of outfits and them like you know feeling the power of them i dressed like a cowboy and it for it like i understand like the whole garth brooks alter persona thing you know like i dressed like a cow first of all
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Wildly, I took it way too far in terms of dressing like a cowboy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah, pretty much. I was way... I had turquoise cowboy boots tucked in. Just spurs? No spurs, I wish. But I was cowboyed, like, insanely turquoise. Bolo? Yeah, oh yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Turquoise, bolo, pendant, turquoise. I was... It was sick as hell, and I felt good, but then I showed up at the party, and it's like, I was... It was definitely one of the only at first, but then there was maybe one or two other white guys. When you're the only white guy or when you're in a white guy minority position, my policy is you can't talk to the other white guys. It's the opposite.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I know black people see each other and they're like, what's up? You can't even be seen to be like, what's up, bro? I just say I ignore them. I'm like, dude, no. You definitely don't. We want to be talking to other white guys in cowboy costumes. And I was fully decked out, but I was just like, I just felt weird because I was fully dressed up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I'm not a social all-star anyway, and I ended up getting pretty drunk. I just started crushing ranch waters. And then I was ready to socialize, and it's like, man, I'm still working on it. I would go up to groups of younger dudes and be like, first of all, I didn't realize how many drinks I had, so I go to talk and I'm like, and I completely fuck my first four words up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I don't remember what I was saying, but, like, I just remember very quickly people being like, oh, shit, man, all right. Like, just being like, oh, all right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
But, dude, I felt good. Getting drunk in a cowboy costume is, I just, I had no idea that I liked that. What's sports teams? Huh? What's sports teams? What do you mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
No, they're just like, you know, traveling athletes. Yeah. So it's like they're from different sports teams.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Barbecue.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Four. Four, just like a hat. A couple of fives and sixes, thank God. But, yeah, it was... Oh, I had a turquoise straw cap. It was a straw cap? No, it was a straw cap with, like, a little thing in the middle. It was so fucking sick. But, yeah, that was a weird experience, man, because I'm not the best socially.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
He's still beefing with Virgil Dead. Academics try to be like, you know, you shouldn't beef. Him trying to bring like, when academics try to like bring the conversation to a, it's just, it's like, he's like, well, they say you shouldn't beef with the dead. It's like, dude, that's.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
You toss me in an outfit where I'm standing out, and it's like I really had to fight through that. I did, like a coward with alcohol. Were you in character the whole time? I couldn't help it, dude. I literally couldn't help just being like sitting there and being like, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Where you going, Lemaire? No, man. Get the fuck over there. Cross your tongue and take it in a cross.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Dude, the fact that he needed to leave the building. Yeah. Go take a shit, man. It's going to echo. Yeah, I want to hear it. Lemaire, just let it go, man. Don't be scared.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Dude, that little Nespresso pod is a straw in the camel's back in terms of Lemaire's digestive upset.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
That's not. He just didn't get his morning crap out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
That has got to be like, you know, when you watch Peaky Blinders and you see, like, the industrial goings-on in the town, that's Lemaire's stomach. Smoke. Blue-collar guts. Smoke. Smoking car. Covered in soot. Let's take a break and wait for Lemaire to come back. Guys, Verdansk is back in Call of Duty Warzone right now. It has an iconic map with popular POIs, and we love POIs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
We have popular POIs like Superstore, Hospital, oh, and the Prison. I love the Prison. Perfect for both OG and new players. Experience intense battles, iconic landmarks, and thrilling moments. And it also has gameplay updates and Verdansk-era weaponry. Dude, I remember the old weapons in Verdansk. Holy sh... Dude, get your squad together and drop in for the epic action. Call of Duty Warzone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
It's free to download, and you can drop into the action today. It's rated M for Mature, but guys... I mean, we're going to drop in to the Verdansk map. It's so iconic and legendary. And again, it's perfect for OGs like myself or new players like you guys. And we're going to have some intense battles. You guys, I can't wait to see you out there in the Verdansk map. So get on out there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
That's your issue right now, him beefing with the dead version.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
M for Mature. Back to the show. We lost LeMay. We lost him, dude. Lost him to the bowl.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
All right. Fired back up. We're live again. Yeah, we tried to wait for Lemaire to take a dump, but it's been at least, what would you say, 15 minutes?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Stay tuned to find out if Lemaire is dead on the toilet. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I'd be sad if he died on the toilet. That's 100%. Imagine the reveal at the end. We're like, oh, he opened it up. He's just fully dead over the toilet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I'm going to be upset he blamed it on my coffee. At CSI or whatever, we'll come in and find a tiny Nespresso pod and be like, holy shit. He had it. Dude, I did a podcast with Duncan Trussell recently and I'm still fucked up about this. We're looking up It was an age-old question of how much cum is actually produced every day. Yeah, like amongst humanity? Yeah, and it's ridiculous. It's staggering.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
We came across a statistic that it was about, like, you know, porn usage. We're trying to figure out how many people are looking at porn, blah, blah, blah. And then just part of that was a stat where they were like, what percentage of people think child pornography should be illegal?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
They framed it as illegal because I think that had been kind of a crazy question. Like, yeah, are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, dude, what percentage of people do you think in America on this, you know, this one study claimed that it should be illegal? I'm gonna say 95. It was like 84, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
There was a 14% people who answered. And that's just the people who were answering honestly. I wish he was here to defend this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
That's insane, by the way. Yeah. If he's one of the 14%, I'm going to flip his podium.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I would argue that – I mean, again, it's like – I would argue that texting a 14-year-old sexually is a crime. Yeah. And if you can't, you know, say they're not going to go to jail, you should at least be able to punch them in the stomach as hard as possible. Just one gut shot. At least. Make them crap out. He's coming back. Here we go. Yeah, I'd actually... He's going to have no energy left.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
He might be light. He might be light on his feet. Yeah, I would argue it is... The problem is when you get guys who have Down syndrome and shit. Yeah, yeah. And then in that case... You shouldn't punch them in the stomach, but they might need a little fucking... They got to learn somehow, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Lemaire, we heard you have a... So I'm going to I'm going to hit you this stat. I don't know if you heard it, but they were we looked online and apparently they did a study or a survey of people like should child pornography be illegal? And 14 percent of the people said no, it should. Oh, yes. Isn't that fucking nuts? And Nate really just said that you'd be fine with that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
That was, I did appreciate him capturing them. Kanye in a, you know, patented leather. What do you even call the outfit? It's not a Klan outfit. It's like a, well, it is actually.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Honestly, I thought you would be.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
That was the exact point I made. Just to clarify, Nate absolutely assassinated Lamar. He poisoned me and then he tried to assassinate my character.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Man, I did a nice thing. We were almost late. I made an X. Thank you guys for getting up early. We had the Noctis show. That show was awesome, man. Thank you for coming. I was doing battle at the mothership, dude. Don't worry. We'll get back to child pornography. I was doing battle at the... I just had a bunch of women kind of like drunkenly uniting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Not like that dramatically, but I had a couple of naysayers in the front. And it was like... I hadn't done battle like that for a while. Because usually you do material for fans of the podcast who actually know where I'm coming from. But I'll hit... Every now and again, I'll catch just like a regular person and hit them with some of my thoughts. And I was watching them be like... Oh, my God.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I started questioning. I'm like, this is way too much.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Oh, yeah. One of the ladies went, eww. Which one? Right up to the front? Yeah. Motherfucking bitch. With the lady with the glasses? That lady? I forget. It was, like, the lady at the very front. To, like, the right a little bit? Then there was a lady back, which, like... I've encountered this energy before. So there's a lady in the front. She was just like a, you know, young married lady.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Just being a fucking bitch. Which is whatever. And then you had the lady. This is... I don't... I know. This is uncomfortable. I kind of shared this with the crowd. My theory on this. I don't think anybody really liked it. But like... Whenever there's like a mom and a dad and like a 20-ish, 22, 21-year-old son, the moms act out in a way. Yeah. That tells me they're really like confusedly horny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Like they're trying to impress their son? I don't know. I don't know what it is, but I've encountered the moms of young 20s, and they're always diabolically, they strike me as, I don't know if I'm putting my shit on their situation.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
They strike me as next level horny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I just wanted to clarify.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
No, it doesn't at all. It does, dude. I think it's still just a glad outfit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Well, he's like, can you, can you say who, uh, who she would suck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah, we got a, one time we got a, I forget, Brittany was doing, she does a lot of just like organizes all of my stuff online. And she one time for some reason had to go into the podcast email to find something someone sent us. And she came across a picture of a lady's butthole to Shane. Nice. She was like, some lady just sent a picture of her butthole.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
and it was pretty funny actually you have to get more of that stuff you have to be so confident you asshole to go butthole holy pic yeah that's pretty insane actually was it clean I didn't see it oh okay I didn't see the picture of the butthole I'm pretty sure it got white filtered safe search was on for sure it was promptly deleted man I wonder if it was like up close like just asshole if it was like cheek in it has to be unless she set up like a timed photo and got in front and was just like pulled the Jim Carrey out
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
So that's the thing. God, there's a country, like a Scandinavian country, believe it or not, that wears those. But there was, like, a Swiss there before the KKK started. Like, we were at a... Swiss Ghost. I was at, like, a... When I was looking for schools, I was at one of the school interviews, or, like, you know, they sit you down, which the school's got to figure this out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
but yeah the dude the the that we i was doing battle and uh it was kind of fun honestly it was fun and it it was like uh it was because the lady was trying to like hit me on like we you know we were talking about homelessness and she was trying to flex being like i actually have a friend who's like i know his name and it I was like, okay. That's such a weird flex.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I'm actually on a first-name basis. It's like, bro, vitamin your house. He doesn't need you being like, good morning, Mr. Blah, blah, blah. I don't know. He wants a fucking house. He doesn't want any fucking, you know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Homies are homeless friends. I mean, technically you are up though. Your boy's homeless. You are way up. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Can I leave myself alone and just have a good time?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Did he tell you? Or was he like, no, I'm just, you know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I just was in my head like. Yeah, damn. You should have been like, yeah, I'm actually homeless too. It's crazy. I'm homeless very well. Yeah, I don't live over there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
You might have heard of it. That sucks, dude. Kidding? I mean, I can only imagine. Because it's not that crazy to like, you know, if you're out on your own and you can't afford your apartment, you're homeless. That's it. If you don't have anyone else, you're fucking homeless.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
You're like, when you go to visit schools, a lot of them... put you into, like, an auditorium or cafeteria and just hit you with the most boring PowerPoint in the world.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah. That's a bust off for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
And the one school was like, we, like, you know, we have people from all over the country or all over the world, and they showed this, like, Scandinavian country doing their thing, and one of the people were wearing, like, for real, what looked like a clan. I got to stop doing this. Right? They had that shit on. They were wearing it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Thank you. Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
It's like the swastika. That crazy hat existed way before the KKK. He called on those powers, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Thank you. Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
He called on those powers. I forgot it was a swastika, and I did in the interview. I was like, damn, that chant. I was like, damn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I know. He's been complicating things.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Thank you. Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
He said he wears a sweater in August. I mean, why don't we just give him a Netflix special? Let him rip. Let him rip. I could watch him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
The vibes are pretty good. The vibes are good. That's the biggest thing. It's like every morning I wake up and I have to wrangle the vibe. It's so easy to wake up. I've been identifying my default negative pattern every morning. And I will admit that... I love my weapon of death, but she is at the... I, like, will place her at the center of a negative storm. It's so... Anything she does.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah, but you got to keep that on track. That goes off. He goes off the rails and you're kind of like, wait, what are you talking about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I believe sloth makes total sense.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Dude, those pharmaceutical companies have their own money. They can, trust me, they can figure that shit out. They don't need... They can figure that out. They have billions of dollars. They can suck the juice out of gila monsters, nematodes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Dude, I honestly think the truth, from my perspective, the truth of it is you see like a snippet in the news. So there's probably some stuff people say, Hey, we need that. And there's probably a lot. If you looked at that list, it'd be a giant sheet of paper, like 10,000 pages that people are cherry picking from.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Well, fair enough. But here's the thing. If you're, you know, these government people, it's a gravy train, dude. Yeah. So if you've got the gravy train going, you have like a high up organization getting millions of dollars. It's funneling from taxpayers and not really doing anything that people want you to do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
And besides kind of enriching yourself, the first thing you're going to do is find like a thing. Be like, they're actually cutting off money for. It's like, dude, I don't know. It's like the gravy trains getting attacked.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
But again, it's going to be one of those things where it's like we're doing like, you know, sex ed. We're bringing it here. There's no one's holding you up for results, at least from again. I have a minimal thing, but you can have the shittiest, ineffective organization receiving more. It's all about the grants and the relationships. This happened in fucking Japan.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
What do you mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah? What the fuck's that got to do with some fat fucking social worker making 150 grand a year? Our propaganda works. We're still going to propagandize. We're propagandizing each other right now. Christ, you're propagandizing me right now. I'm for it, man. At least just see what happens, man. Just see what happens, bro. You know what I mean? I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I, again, I can't predict what's, I can't like, you know, I can only guess what's going on in another person's mind, but I do, you know, and I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
So there's a coin associated with it?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Because you don't care and you're not in it right now. I mean, that is devastating when you see like, especially like with taxes. It's like they take, the government takes a lot. And then you're like, all right, what am I getting? You turn on the TV and you're like, these are the people. Yeah. I'm not being a dick, but it's like, why? Why can't we have any normal people in that one job? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
It's one of those things where it's like, if you think about it in 150 years from now, people might be like, damn, that was like kind of in some weird way genius to transcend all of the symbols of like hate and embody them and twist them in a weird way. But for now... I don't know. You got to be into that, like, 100-year genius stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Is the job that corruptive or is it just the types of people?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah, true.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
That's true. It is kind of, it is like to have all the things that can appeal to you as like a younger person. Be like, I want to be on Capitol Hill. Yeah. Pass laws about bus lanes. That's a weird dream to have as a kid. Did you ever like meet a politician? Not even like a high level, just like a guy running for like city stuff. Like a mayor. Yeah, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Beach town mayors are sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
That's fucking nasty actually. That's sick. I met a young guy one time who was like a young gunner trying to get into politics a long long time ago I remember just thinking like damn this is fucking freaking me out yeah he had that like personality that like stir and shake look you in the eyes too long yeah it's just a you know but whatever people have their thing yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I mean, it's probably always been the case, and I think you're right, too. It's one of those things where you get in and it's like, you know, I would do this and that. It's like, bro, wait until Nestle pulls you aside. They're like, bro, shut the fuck up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
yeah all your bottle waters are empty well it's also like if you start getting like you know if say like you know if you guys ran for politics and started getting a buzz there would be like you know you'd have like seven or eight people just in your sphere like machiavellianly kind of planning against you and like it's it's got to be shit like that all the time yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah, because imagine you're like running for it. And it's like local politicians don't get paid much. They're trying to get like the benefits in advance and move up. And it's like if you're trying to be a politician, you lose. It's got to be like, what then?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Because there's people who do stuff that 100 years from now will be in a totally different context. Like, damn, he was like, everyone might be dressed like that. That might be the future clothes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
People don't realize the thing, too. You don't realize like even in Philly, like if you're like a city council person, which is like, you know, it's like the start. There's like I think like there's word lead. I think technically it starts at the block captain. Block captain is like an unofficial position. Then you have ward leaders, city council.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
If you're in city council, like say like, you know, you're in like where I used to live in Fairmount. There's like, you know, lots that the city owns that you can then be like. Yeah, we can sell. We've all decided that we actually can sell this one. But it's like you can work with a real estate investor. And like that's like one of those weird little things you're not thinking of.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
You have a bunch of vacant lots in like the hood. Nobody cares. And then you're like, we're doing a new program. And then you've just sold. You've literally an investor was like, yeah, we want to buy these. And you've just started a new program. Yeah, you get a kickback or like a stake in like some weird LLC. And nobody fucking follows that shit. No one's looking. So it's too late.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
And yeah, then you're just, you know. a top politician, you have $25 million, and you're just like, well, what do you expect? And if it doesn't become national news, you can wait everything out. I would do this. If I was a politician, that's the thing, too. I got to admit, if I was a local politician, I'd be so grubby on land. Oh, yeah. I'd be so grubby on land. I would try not to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
it's like you you fall like you just fall into it like I can do what well then they hit you with like we have plans we're gonna beautify they use all these terms and shit and then it's just like you're like yeah this would be cool you know you get maybe your name on one of the parks and you're like I am a nice guy I should do it but even though it's really back in your mind you know you're doing some fucked up shit
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
No, Socrates got poisoned. He didn't get castrated. Yeah, he's going to get poisoned like Socrates. Socrates had a huge dick. Yeah. They weren't getting rid of that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
What if it's not even fucked up? Like, if you go to Kensington and somebody gets paid off making that place nicer, and then, you know, I mean, I don't know where the bros are going to go, but it's like 10 years from now, they'll be like, damn, that's fucking sick, this place rules. We should send all the bros to Wyoming. That would be tough.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Because there's nothing out there. Send them to Kanye West's house. For every, like, yeah, every, like, off-the-wall tweet, one homeless guy pops up with a 4,000-acre ranch. That would stop the tweets, actually.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah, that would be. I mean, yeah, if someone could mobilize those guys, you could really. I mean, I guess how many are there? I don't even know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah. There's like those people who are like kind of in between homeless where they like crash. Yeah. You know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Before you leave the Army. It'd be a tough... It'd be a truly ragtag group, though. That'd be a real motley crew.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
You know, we're a real... I love old men when they go, we're a real motley crew. Old men love... They have like four guys working with them. They love going... We're a real motley crew. We're a bunch of ragtag renegades. There's an insurance office. The boss is cheating on his wife. He's like, we're a real motley crew. We get drunk at TGI Fridays and I get a handjob from prostitutes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
It increased 18% from 2023 to 2024.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
That is funny. People are like, why are the eggs going down? Lower the fucking eggs. It's always the eggs. Bro, there's like real egg shortages. If you go to the grocery store, there's no fucking eggs. Really? Yeah, it's happened to me a couple times. There's no eggs, and you know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Dang. Who, Kanye? Kanye burned them down? Yeah, that's... Yeah, because it was, like, a bird flu or some shit. Yeah. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah, I thought all the bad stuff lives on the shell of the egg.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
That feels like you can't. I think you can get it... You know where you can get it from? Their shit. Okay. So when you... When bird shit... I used to work in a highly... Like a highly pigeon shit rich environment for a while. Like it was just clouds of pigeon shit. You would drop a section. I was doing demolition. You would drop a drop ceiling.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
And then you would literally... This room would just be like... It looked like smoke. Dried pigeon shit. And when pigeon... When bird shit's dry, it actually the like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
viruses and bacteria are in it like they need water to like kind of like activate so the problem is it's like dry and you can touch it it doesn't bother you but as soon as it enters your body of water in your body and then it'll start like to proliferate i breathed in like so much pigeon shit i didn't get any bird flu fucking bullshit dude i was i was when somebody explained that to me i was so scared the whole time i was like just literally moving through just a fucking
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
That was recent?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Clouds, clouds of pigeons. Yeah, you have those like paper masks on, but it's like summertime. It's hot. You're going to fucking pull that thing down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Those fucking masks suck so bad. Yeah. I've ever worn one of those like all day. Yes. All day and work.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
It's fucking. And then when you have to wear like if you do something like lead, you're like removing lead paint or asbestos. You have to wear those like giant ones that like the fallout guys like the filters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Dude, it's literally a strain on your heart because every breath you're going, and you've got to breathe in. Oh, they're not easy breathing? I thought you just heard it. No, you're filtering air, so you're getting less oxygen technically, I think, through every fucking breath.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah, well, no. The thing was, he was telling her, and apparently, it's not even allegedly, because he apparently admitted to this. He was saying, I masturbate to your photographs every day. And then she tried to blast him, and he just retweeted it and went, true. Beast. I mean, the polls are flipping. And then you have, I was thinking about this recently. Do you guys know 1-900-RUG-RET? No.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I looked it up. I was such a psycho about all this shit. I was like, I'm going to fucking die. You would have to cut Freon. You cut a Freon line, that's blasting on you. Demolition sucks, dude. It is truly... It's man's work. Yeah, but it's like you're going... And all the dudes who do it are like, I don't give a fuck. And they're just breathing in the worst shit possible all day long.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Like concrete. You know, if you breathe in concrete, it's bad for you. Silicates. If you look at the actual... I know asbestos, if you look at the... Like, not molecule, like a chunk of it, basically, like a fine particle. It's like a little barbed fucking spike, and they just scar your lungs. And concrete silicates do the same thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
If you breathe in concrete dust all the time, it just fucks your lungs up. Beast. But everyone's going to call me a bitch. Everyone who does is going to shut up. I mean, he lived it, done it, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I was Zoolander, bro. I was Zoolander all my jobs. I did it for a couple years. Every time I talk about doing demolition, I'm like, another three. I'm like, I think I did it for like eight years. It was like two years, maybe. I did it for like eight years, probably.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Did it my whole life. That's why I have gray hair and look like I'm fucking six times bigger. It's the pigeon shit. It's the pigeon shit growing out the follicles. It's not the stress of the family. It's the pigeon shit. Father did this to me. Dude, let's slide to the motherfucking Zoom. What's up, dude? Yeah, man. Come on in, bro. Sure. What were we at time-wise? Oh, dude, look at that. Crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
We did our damn thing. Let's slide to the... This might even be page two. Who the motherfuck knows?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
He goes, cracker. He's a white rapper. But they're like, he's taking back the word. And it's like, dude. In his raps, you have Jin Lee who is going full boy. He helps himself. He's a white rapper who utilizes the N-word in his raps.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah, he's piggin' out, but, you know, whatever. Some people like him. He stands on business. He was throwing hands down here, door south by. He's been fighting all the teenagers. He's a menace to black teenagers. It's like, I always see the clips, like, Gene Lee's knocked a guy out in the mall. It's just him fighting 14-year-old black teenagers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I mean, here's the thing. I mean, you can feel however you feel about it. And again, look it up if you don't know who we're talking about. Jin Lee, he's a Dallas rapper. He's a big guy. Yeah. You feel how you feel about him rapping and is a white guy and using the N-word. However, I feel like, you know, if you zoom out, he could be like, we could turn all the mall security.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
If he could train mall security.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
If mall security became just like big white guys that like, you know, cool, like in a, you know, kind of, I guess a semi-respectful way, utilize the N-word. Yeah. I'm just like, we can get the walls under control. I love that. In a semi-respectful way. Well, like, you know, he's not like using it hatefully.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
You young niggas get out of here. Or be like, come on, right now. I'm sorry, there's maybe 2% of people, I think, have any idea what we're talking about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Maybe not. Maybe not. That's like bad idea. Yeah. The I have been I've been following a lot of the I still have ever since I fell into like the Adam 22 no jumper hole.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
It's just me because I've addicted myself to nicotine now and I wake up so mad. It was a huge mistake to get addicted to nicotine. I don't know why I did this. They were lying. It's such an addictive substance.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
now I just know apparently he's a fed dude he got arrested by the FBI so how's he a fed if he got arrested unless it's super deep undercover work but they got him like recently yeah maybe like last week yeah apparently they all but it could just be I don't know like you think it's like he could be easily subpoenaed in some other weird Rico case he's involved in like all the weird he knows everybody yeah I did well why would he be a fed if he got arrested that's my only it'd be a front
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Could be a fake arrest. You haven't reported in a while. When they do a controlled buy and you're like the guy and they arrest you too just as a thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah, true. Actually, dude. Keep that under wraps. I've been compromised as well. CIA's finally looked at my web history and compromised. Every time I look at porn, I'm like, it's coming. One day, they're going to be like, hey, buddy. I'm like, yep, yep.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Your descendants. I swear to God, Ancestry.com. I was just talking about this. Ancestry.com. That's going to be a feature. It'll be genetic tests. Who are your relatives? Also, here's all what your grandfather was into. Because that could be like a crazy, like, I don't know, maybe they could be like based on your family history, this porn might be appealing to you. That'll change.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
A super algorithm, like a deep genetic algorithm. There's like 300 years of data to suggest you might be into step play or, you know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
bro what's up with this sister stuff chill chill she's in the room adam 22 got arrested uh for big u henley's rico case and nipsey hustles tragic passing that's what i heard yeah and if i mean it kind of makes sense because apparently they say that this was uh i forget who said this maybe charleston white but they they say that it was actually like the roland or like the crips that
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah, but it doesn't, like... Yeah. The thing is, it gives you like the boost initially is sick and then that goes away. Then you're just grumpy if you don't have it. You're like, I wish my wife would get out of bed a little faster. What do I have to do every day? I'm about to put their shoes on. All right. You put their fucking shoes on. And then I go, Matt, you're being a fucking bitch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Dang. Yeah, I don't know, man. They did a cool handshake and he's like, ha-ha! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know, man. The internet is... Yeah, I thought so. There was. Yeah. I mean, it was only a matter of time before he got some sort of law enforcement crackdown on that show. Who, on Nips? No, on No Jumper.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
It's just guys on there being like, yo, I can't really talk about it, but we definitely did something really fucked up to that guy, but I don't want to really talk about it. It's like, okay, you're fucking copying us. They have you on camera near a murder scene. You're like, yo, I can't really say what we did, but yeah, we definitely handled business.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
It's a bad business model, man. It's a bad, yeah, it's a bad thing to be like, I mean, if you really, if you really boil down the business model, it's like, if it turns out you're not an actual murderer, it's like people are like,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
But yeah, right now I'm on 1-800-RUG-RAD. He's been saying cracker. Popping pillars, cracker.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
That's kind of been our whole thing through the arc of history. We just kind of ignore horrible things and we're like, meh. Just get to work. That's why people's superpowers are like, I don't feel anything about this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
But no, I don't think anyone's ever really gotten mad. I feel like, here's the thing, I feel like if... This is a I don't know. I'm going to I'm just throwing this theory out there. But I feel like if you the angrier you get about being called cracker, it might could be a litmus test for like how much you personally use the N word. Because if you're enjoying that, I could be wrong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
But I mean, if you're like, you know, if you're helping yourself and then someone flip the table on you, but hey, yeah, I don't like this. But if you're I could be wrong. Actually, that doesn't make sense.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
I got a couple. I actually discredit myself because I'm thinking in my own personal life. Yeah, never mind. It's funny, man. I had someone trying to explain to... My cousin was actually doing a podcast for a while. My cousin's a white dude and he was doing a podcast with an older black dude. The whole thing was supposedly like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
we're from different races and we're kind of, you know, like we're seeing eye to eye on things or whatever, sharing our experiences. And he was like telling, my cousin was telling the black guy, he was like, yeah, well, he's like, I think it's getting better racially. He's like, you know, like people don't really use the N word.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Go get your nicotine tablet and relax.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Like a lot of white people don't really use the N word like that anymore. And he was like, who the fuck? He's like, people just say it all the time. The guy was like, what? And he was like, well, I mean, not like that, but like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
It has come back strong. Which again, again, it's like, you know, if you zoom out time wise, it's like it could be and it's uncomfortable, but it could be the thing that somehow in some weird way like the charges, you know, because if you're if you're swimming, if you're in a swarm of just online N words, eventually it is going to dull its effect. You can't afford that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
At what point do you let go? If you opened up X and it was just every line, eventually you go, all right, I'm done.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
What's a woke ass?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
And it is, it kind of is, it is a pass to like, you can sock somebody in the face and the internet will be like, sweet.