Matt McCusker
Appearances
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
For me, and again, I haven't been tested now in a loan and hotel room. That's the ultimate. That's like, I mean, in my house...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
easy i mean you know obviously it takes some effort but easy enough but like dude yeah yeah that shit's impossible now that i'm off of though when you're when you're married though it's like if you have porn it gives you like a little trench where like if you're fighting you could be like and just go beat off and then keep the fight going but if you're charged up oh
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
it's your trench you can just be like yeah you go back to the foxhole I don't need you yep I don't need fuck you blah blah blah yep dude I was on a fully protected it was basically a 10 day yeah it was like a 10 day hold in and I was like we were like it was like a mild beef regular stuff and I wanted to be mad so badly and she just touched me last night and I was diamond hard and we had to just settle the beef immediately and I was like yep porn is definitely not good I forget everything so I've doubled down on porn I'm off porn now are you using your imagination
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
If I sink so low as to hurt myself in masturbation, yes. But yeah, no, I try not to masturbate at all. I mean, I'm not going to be a psycho about it. If I really can't sleep, I'll just do it. It's not like a shame thing, but it definitely is a relationship enhancer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Well, roller derby to me, it was like, in my head for some reason, I was like, oh yeah, girls in the roller blades, short shorts. And I was like, these girls are pretty strong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Almost too much. I was telling... spud today i was like dude i was telling him like i had this like almost like mystical experience having sex after like no porn for weeks holding it in i'm having i'm like it almost got i got so carried away i almost ordered up the third i was on the verge of sending of just cpn Last night.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
What is CP? It's cream pie. Creating another kid. I have two kids. Last night was so charged. I was like, fuck it, dude, I don't care. Oh, okay. I was like... A lot of slang. I was using a lot of street slang. You were considering a pie. And I know, you know, now it's been so long, she's ovulating. If she's putting paws on me, I'm like, okay, you're ovulating.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I was like, I'm about to pie. I was like, what the fuck are you doing? I was like, my bad. I thought we were on the same wavelength here. I for real had, like, it was, I mean, it's embarrassing to talk about. I had, like, a genuinely pretty profound experience.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I needed you there to pull me out, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
So I got a little too horny off the board. It's been validated.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It was not two, seven, three, seven, repeating. It was fucking time, bro. It was pi squared. But yeah, that was making it was actually it was just like a cool realization of like, yeah, you see what porn does in a relationship and you're like, it is not good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I thought I was going to get way more into it sexually. And I was like, this is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I hope. I mean, look, I don't get that's the thing. I don't beat myself up, dude. If I fucking beat yourself up, if I fall, I'm trying to take it out because the nofap thing was crazy. I'm like, dude, it's crazy to be like, I'm just never going to come ever again. But then, you know, to be like, yeah, just fucking jerk off to porn. I'm like, it's equally as weird.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Because it's just not good for you. You just see fake ladies and come all the time. It's not good for you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, exactly what I'm saying. So, you know, I'm not like I'm not coming from like a moral like you're wrong if you do that. I'm sure I'm all about optimization, like what's optimal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It sounded to me like a sexual thing when I was younger. I was like, oh, yeah, roller derby time. And I'm like, man, these are some giant ladies.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That is... Utah's a good place to run that... You can trick the... Yeah, they're pretty aliened up, I think.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Here's a question. If you were a vampire, immortal, unless obviously somebody put a stake through your heart, would you have gay sex after like 700 years?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, that's the other thing, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You have to at least be bi as a vampire.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It's kind of weird for a vampire to be like, no, dude, I'm totally fucking straight.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, I wonder about that. If you were like that old, because if Nosferatu was really just fucking sticking to do the whole village, I wonder what you would do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
How come he doesn't give a fuck about Nosferatu? What if you were immortal and you're like, I just want to die so bad, and then eventually you bottom out and you're like... You stick around for like 2,000 more years and just get fucked in the butt.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, I guess the point guard girls were kind of.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That would turn a chick on, though, if you're like, yeah, I fucked that guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Get a punk in jail. Did you ever, I watched a documentary about It was basically prison sex, and they were saying how that's a big status in jail.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
My brother said it to me. It was the funniest. It was all about getting boys. If you're in jail, if you had five boys, it was a sign of status. You just get punks, basically, underneath you. You could loan them out for money, or a lot of these dudes would fall in love with their top punk. Wow. Jesus Christ. It was fucked, dude. There was one part. I don't want to ruin the vibe. You loved it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
i don't want to ruin the vibe but like you're watching this guy and he's just like yeah man this is why i came here and i just i'm just this guy's bitch and like we fell in love and they had this whole choir then you find out it is they go interview his father of the kid who's a punk in jail and they're like telling the dad what's going on he's like yeah yeah i just man i really just hope he gets out of there and straightens out his life and then apparently what happened was the guy was on drugs and just like ran a kid over
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
So he's just like, yeah, I'm just going to stay high and stay in jail forever and just be a punk. I was like, damn, that's so sad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
He's like, as soon as I get sober, I just think about my life and it's literally that unbearable and I just have to be high. But it's fucked up. They went to his dad and like, yo, your son's like someone's boyfriend in fucking jail. Yeah. Fuck. God, man. I just want him to strain his life out. So sad. That's so sad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
He was a top boy, though. He was like procuring other boys and shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You don't have to be a punk. That's the thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, if you're looking good, you better be able to fight.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I would just go mad. I'd go white boy crazy. Yeah, I would just go absolutely white boy crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You guys don't want this. You get the special diet, though. That's like a special diet you can get in jail that's highly coveted. What? The Jewish meal plan. Oh, the kosher. Yeah, you can do the kosher. You can do the Muslim. So you actually get a pretty coveted meal plan. So you might be able to... Trade that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, that's a cool... That's funny to wake up in the morning and just read The White Revolution. Wake up to that. Oh, nice. Some publicity.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
nothing much i did i was just in fucking rapture last night it was kind of nice sexual rapture yeah i dude i haven't felt like that man that was crazy wow to have like a genuinely like i've never had a powerful like spiritually powerful yeah dude yeah and then the pie almost almost pie near pie did you leave put the last part in just for like a little you know a little like leftover touch
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
no no no you're talking about like and then just kind of going back in yeah no i would have i was a dude i was a rabid dog i had full i had full like iguana eyes just like ew man i dude i i didn't realize i didn't know what i was setting myself up into man you don't know really who you are until you've held it in like that then all of a sudden you're just it's it was crazy you know how conflicted i was how long did you hold it in it was really only like 10 days
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That's a reasonable amount of time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That's what I'm saying. It was reasonable, and it was, yeah. I was just taking some maca, so I've been waking up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, a little bit. A little bit. If you take maca root, it's... Dude, it's crazy. You wake up just like... Steel beam. What? Give me something right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
What the hell? I had a subject to talk about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah. Well, I did want to talk to you about the Penn State coach. What the hell? What was that about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Did he say something about the guy's hairline or something?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
What was he saying about the coach?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Just put your fucking clothes back on and go back to the library. I don't want to. You don't have to do this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That's why they're winning, obviously.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Matt, hit them with this. PrizePix is the best place to get real money sports action with over 10 million members and billions of dollars in award winnings. I said billions, dude. Billions of dollars in awarded winnings. Don't get it twisted. PrizePix has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all. You just pick more or less on at least two players for a shot to win up to 1,000 times your cash.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
A thousand, dude. This is crazy. A thousand millions, how much is that? That's a billion, bro. That's all you need to get the bill. A thousand millions. Think about that. Run your game all season long on PrizePix. It's playoff time, and it's now or never. Don't miss out on the last few weeks of football action with PrizePix, the best place to win cash while watching the playoffs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, we're anti-burlesque here. I don't like that at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
PrizePix also offers weekly promotions that can lead to big payouts like Taco Tuesday.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
All I want is for my crew to run our fucking game. Dude, that's all I want, man. Just run our fucking game on real sports action. This is crazy. Fantasy sports action. Let me tell you about this. Download the PrizePix app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That's code DRENCH on the PrizePix app to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix on your game.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It is tight for guys. Some guys do get dragged into the burlesque world by their girlfriend. They have to sit there and be like, those are all very powerful performances from all four of you guys. I like the one dressed as a devil. That was pretty cool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Guys, I'll be at the Funny Bone Liberty Township, Ohio, January 24th, Dania Beach, Florida, February 6th, Columbus, Ohio, Royal Oaks, Michigan, Omaha, Nebraska. Please just go to mattmccusker.com for tickets. Thank you very much.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You got anything weird? What are you reading? I know you're reading something. Right now, I'm doing a lot of research right now. What are you researching? I've been reading a lot about... I've been reading arguments for tradition. I just stumbled upon this book. It's called The Sword of Gnosis. And they just like... Treadhusband? Hmm? Treadhusband? Not Treadhusband.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Although, I mean, I'm sure they'd be down for Treadhusband. I'm just reading an academic book about guys slamming Vatican II. I think Mel Gibson was just fucking slamming Vatican II.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, they were just talking about how it was such a gigantic mistake for the priest to face the congregation.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, they just one day turned around and everyone was like, what the fuck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
The idea was you were watching a guy. The altar was supposed to be God. So you were watching a guy commune with God in real time in Latin. Twitch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
they just like switched it and made it person focused where they're like bro you've lost the plot yeah should be about god now you're just fucking giving some lukewarm fucking speech to these dumbasses pep talk once a week they do you guys should be nice yeah oh i never thought of it though when's the last time you heard the homily uh it's been a while they're not great like a year they're not great yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, he reads the good part of the Bible, and then he- The important part of the Bible.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
New Testament's way more streamlined. Yeah. Streamlined, yeah. The Old Testament's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It's like Jewish Star Wars. Isn't it? Yeah, just like them, like battles and fucking deserts and shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It is kind of sick, though, to be like... This is just our story. Meet every Sunday. Remember we got that big-ass fucking fight with the Egyptians?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That was pretty much it. I've been reading that. I told you about the Chesterton book. You didn't seem to like Chesterton last week.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
silly men yeah he's pretty silly but i i think it was needed he was like a british gentleman yeah the time period was good it called for a silly man yeah call for some silly man you're a silly man you could fop yeah somebody with like tassels here frills just does stuff right yeah i'm a silly man dude the half the half face shave that was fucking silly as hell that was silly man i ruled that was really silly man that was disorienting me i would see clips and i would get like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Like, what the fuck's going on? It did something to my brain. It made no sense. It didn't.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It was disorienting, it was. Oh, dude, speaking of having cool people be happy and not cool people be mean, I did the slutty Garfield thing on Patreon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Wait, they didn't like slutty Garfield on Patreon? Some people didn't. Which made me laugh more, honestly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
So it was a mystery. A secret artist just sent me this thing. He's like, I made it. I don't know what to do with it. And I was like, dude, please let me put this on my Patreon. It's about Garfield.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Well, we were doing NPR vibes. If you want to do this, turn up the dial. If you turn up the dial, if you want to jam. Oh, I can think of it now. We're still. Well, hold on, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
uh it's about garfield becoming a streetwalking prostitute streetwalking trans prostitute and then john's just trying to find him and save him or save garfield from the underworld save her miss lasagna what's od doing his name was in the mix as well it's a street dog what is he doing od's a bit of od's in the underworld oh really drugs or what I can't spoil. I've seen a lot of the story's arc.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It's just funny. You can spoil it. I can't spoil it, dude. It's so funny to one day. All I kept thinking about was a guy waking up and just being like, oh, sweet. What the fuck? Garfield. Guys trying to fuck Garfield.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Well, it's actually really well done. It just looks like a professional.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
They're very good. It's unbelievable how good it is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
you sucked my dick down off colfax what mutant made this who's doing this i can't reveal his identity oh he's got a hidden identity yeah he's a secret artist he might be i i just our paths just crossed and he honestly the dude makes me laugh so fucking i talked to him all the time he's so funny shout out the secret artist
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I might do like a drug zinc style interview where I interview him and it's just his face is blurry.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You got fucked a lot. Trans Garfield. I love violence. Yeah, that's been my whole weekend. Oh, dude. So I went to ATL, Helium ATL. It actually is in Alpharetta. It's 45 minutes or it's like about 38 minutes outside of Atlanta. It's nice though. That's where you get the honkies. Oh, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Although, I did get to spend a little bit of time in Atlanta, and I thought I would have seen more gay black guys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
oh because i think that is the mecca and i'm being like honest i wasn't ready to be like all right let's go i want to see like you know you know like the mormons when you're in utah you're like let me natural habitat exactly yeah so i'm like let's go i just i thought i was just gonna get you know some gay black attitude just a little treat gay black attitude would be a nice treat just a little sass yeah exactly aggressive sass little spice
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
But, dude, I go down there, so they send me out to fucking cracker-ass Alpharetta. So I didn't see any gay black guys, so I was kind of like... Oh, fuck, yeah, you didn't get to see any then.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I know. Thank God I had my black wife with me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Just for some reserved sass, but... Atlanta, it's very nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
But yeah, dude, I go down there. You know, I was joking about always assuming my wife is faking it when she has any ailment. I just assume, I'm like, if she has any ailment, for some reason, there's part of my brain that's like, yeah, right. Sure you do. Sure, literally. So then we're down, we get there. First night we're there, she's like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
she's been saying it for two days she's like i don't really feel that well and i'm like dude it's just the fucking whatever it's just because you're on a trip with me you're ruining it it's because i have to work this weekend i had the kids everything so i'm sitting there and all of a sudden i'm like she's like coughing i don't feel well and i'm like dude just you need i always tell her you just need to drink some water dude drink some water drink some fucking water walk it off
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I'm more so pushing the water agenda, but she has hit me with it. You haven't drank a lot of water. Yes, I have. I'm a fucking water cooler in my office. You don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Why the fuck are you saying that? I know about, I got to stop dogging on her over her water intake, but it's, dude, it's crazy. Nah, get in there. I was, dude, she had a fever and I'm like, I gave her this big water bottle. I came in the next day and I was like,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I was with you I saw you for 14 hours I have actually I have data on that they don't get good sleep so when I got the aura ring I don't have it right now but I was wearing this aura ring it was like tracking my sleep all this stuff finally talked my wife into getting one we went to bed at the exact same time we both wore them I woke up. It was like eight hours sleep. I woke up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I'm like, dude, my readiness score is 93. This is awesome. What's yours? Fucking 55.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
She is when they get their periods, their body temperature rises. And I was peeping her readiness score. And it was like, dude, it was 55 would be like if I had like five beers and stayed up till three in the morning. We got eight hours of sleep.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, and I woke up next to her and I was like, what the fuck happened? She's like, I told you, I don't feel well.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Damn, dude, you're fucked. Think of those floppy tits. I got the data, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Bro, I didn't know. It's like a whole week leading up to it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah. But dude, so she had her fucking... Every month, part of it. She rode off a week of period into flu.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
So it was period to flu. Then I'm doing shows, so like Thursday we get the diagnosis. I'm like, damn, you're fucked. They hate show weekends anyway. Yeah, true. They hate show weekends. I think her body just rejected it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
well dude i was nervous i'm what i'm what i'm trying to tell you right now is that i had all weekend i'm not trying to say like i'm a hero or whatever but it was babe had a fever okay i had to do all the stuff during the day for the most part obviously we do we brought a babysitter with us so i did a little bit but this is a rogue but i had to make breakfast dude so dude i was like getting up and it was like i would lay next it was crazy because i was laying next to her all night and it's like you know if you get if i get the flu i was like fuck oh yeah so it would just be like coughing and i just lay there just being like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
we'll see what fucking happens yeah it's powered through the whole weekend it's pretty there's a lot dude and then they fucking canceled two shows over the snow it snowed an inch and a half enjoy which to be fair at first i was kind of salty because i was just like dude this is not that bad but they didn't really ice they didn't uh salt the roads and it's it's like you're releasing it i think it was like 350 the club so you'd be releasing like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
let's say at least 500 drunk drivers at night into the ice. So I was kind of like, yeah, that's fair. But when people were like, oh, McCusker fucking canceled because of a little snow, I was like, fuck that. I don't care, dude. I don't care what people say. How long did that take? 30 seconds. I grabbed my phone. I was like, for the record, the club canceled. I felt like such a dumbass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I was like, damn it. I showed my hand. It was instantly people like, fuck you, Fairweather, McCusker. Fairweather, McCusker.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Oh, yeah, it wasn't, whatchamacallit, Collins.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I could see why someone in school called him that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
What do you what do you are you just going through just like?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Are you talking about the blonde dude?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I don't know any, I don't know a lot of hair metal. I wanna rock. Rock. Okay, there you go.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
i know it i don't know yeah i never i never caught on with me that like genre music it sucks no it got me for a little punk yeah punk in general yeah i never i was uh i would i wouldn't say me and my uncle had an argument but me and my uncle were skateboarding the other day dude it's crazy dude he's like 52 just still living it's ripping it pretty hard but i was telling him they're they had a speaker and i was like people are blasting music and i was like dude 90s
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
early 2000s, where I think the golden era of skateboarding music, and he was just quiet. He was like, got quiet for a little bit, and then after we were done, he's like, yeah, I don't know about that, man. It was definitely the 80s.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
no no no the video game the video game when skating like got huge yeah yeah yeah yeah that's i was like because i was i that when i'm like when i go to the pump track i'll hit the headphones and listen to like oh i just go there skateboard and listen to music i listened to when i was like 13. it's so sick what is it like blink what's the what's the genre 3 11. that's from money money ballstones is that it though from boston a real big fish yeah maybe sellouts real big fish real big fish they were great boston's are nasty too
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I never told her I couldn't jump on her.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I'm in that big brass sound right now. I've been listening to Blood, Sweat, and Tears. Did you ever fuck with them? No. Brother. What are they up to? Just that big brass sound. There's a lot of horns and shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You got horns going? I'm getting some horns going, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I can really nail it. If I wanted to, I can nail it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I'll be kicking myself on the drive like, dude, I could have trumpeted so much better on the floor.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Surviving the Holocaust must have been crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I mean, if someone rushed me, I would have.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It would have increased the pressure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
And I'm not trying to sound like a baby. I, like, didn't really eat all day, too, so... You didn't really eat all day, and it was fucking freezing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You think it's sus? What the fuck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Dude, the weirdest part was I had never really kicked a field goal before. I had no idea if it was going to go anywhere or how it was going to move. You did so well. I was pleasantly surprised, yeah. It was the boots. The key was the snow boots. You got to bring the boots. And the straight on. I just did the, that guy tried to do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
No, the kid who fell like did like a, he like walked to the side. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
He tried to like really hoof it with like the inside of his foot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That's when you get your leg up to there. Yeah, man. Yo, you can just elevate straight up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Although it is your leg, to be fair. You are accurate.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I just saw a clip of the slap league.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
So did I. Did you see the fucking dude who got knocked out in the last one?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I actually watched the whole episode one time, and I didn't see a lot of people get knocked out. Maybe it was just the one I watched. I watched a clip of this dude getting knocked out on a slap, and it's funny because they just cut to Dana White, who's just in a chair like, oh.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
it is just so sick to like you know he's got a lot of stuff going on and he makes just like i guess a couple hours every week to go sit in a chair and just watch men get slapped in the face yeah he created that it's or i guess he bought it or whatever i heard tony and marie maddie were down there like let's do a commentary like hey we can make this funny and stuff and dan was like it's not funny it's a serious thing and i'm trying to get it like a real sport they're like it's a sick fucking sport it looks like it reminds me of like a medieval bar game
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It's funny talking to literally a genuine Holocaust survivor. I'm like, you survived kind of sus. And they're like, what?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah. Just fucking, dude, it was. And they talk shit to each other.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, you know, oh, fuck. I'd quit so fast.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
yeah this is like yeah you know what i actually quit you went forfeit you already got the check you're like yeah you know what man i don't need what are we even doing here what's the point of this just put out my bad on that yeah i was disheartened today to see the uh cameron jim jones beef i didn't know they're beefing beefing hard as hell dude oh damn cameron and jim jones you know dip set
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah. Purple Haze. Oh, yeah. Oh, right, right, right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Dude, the... So what's their beef? Jim Jones was like... Oh, I listened to it today. Cameron laid out the whole thing. He didn't... Obviously, he didn't want to do this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Jim Jones was part of the diplomats, but apparently they... I didn't know they were beefing, but now it's like... Doesn't sound diplomatic at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I guess that was, like, his nickname. And they were saying it was, like, really a weird detail, but, like, he was trying to, like... They were just going back and forth. Like, I think Jim Jones, from what I believe, he was saying, like, I started that shit. That was basically me. I think he was trying to paint himself as, like... I was more of like the underworld kind of like... I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Whatever. But he was painting himself as like that was kind of me, like the brains behind it. Then Cameron today, it was pretty brutal. It was just like, dude, you were just a fan of ours. And the only reason we talked is because...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
you're apparently his grandmom died or his mom died or something he was like yo my grandmom died free house and then like they're like okay dude it's kind of weird you're like invite us over your house and then the camera was like you know what though it was a free house so i started like bringing bitches over and just fucking him and jim jones's dead grandma's house oh man with that smell you never fucked a bitch until you fuck her where she can go like yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
yeah but he was saying basically like you were just like a weirdo he tolerated and then so mean it was really such a bummer to find out yeah it was tough you were the one in the friend group i thought it was a wild card myself it was a wild card maybe maybe still is i don't know but it was funny because apparently it was a beef from like 10 years ago that got resurrected so it is sick to be you know you guys look it's never too you're never too old to beef
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It's a funny joke. Just the word suss in Holocaust survivors is so funny. You just went through, like, bore witness to the most horrific condition, and your, like, shitty fucking grandson's like, that's actually kind of suss. Yeah, dude, were you fucking gay? Is that how you did it?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
you're like 50 years old trying to do your podcast and all of a sudden someone starts beefing with you like that it's like bro can we please we already beefed about this so long ago and he just pretty much devastated him pretty badly he's like I don't want to do this anymore and I was listening to him like Jesus Christ I'd be so mad it's tough to be hard at that age yeah dude yeah true you said it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
How are the boners? Can we talk as like guys right now? How are the boners going for all this?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It's a little more submissive that morning.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Dan, so you're getting like rock hard next to me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Did you ever talk to your dad in the morning? He had a boner. If you were in your dad's bed in the morning, your dad had a fucking boner. Or at least a semi.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, it just never really stopped, man. I remember I would get woken up in the morning for school and I had a boner. And now it's like you're woken up in the morning. It's like, damn, I've been trying to hide my boner in the morning since I was like fucking 12. I've not gotten a break.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Dude, I literally had that last night. Last night I was like, yo, I think I might have reached a new level. And I went to the bathroom and I was like, meh, same old guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You bend it? You're a little pressure player myself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, what if you caught the pinch? There's got to be a point where, like, the nerve pinches and you're like, ow. Oh, yeah. They reach that point. True. Just go past it into fucking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Guys suffer in silence when the boys need to be there and get them hard as fuck again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Bro, start taking maca. Take like two tablespoons every morning. You'll forget about it and wake up the next morning and go, the boners are fine. They're fine.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, it's like the Fortnite dance. A lot of little kids.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
No, I'm not mad. I'm just trying to paint my reality to you, which is like, what am I going to do?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I'm just letting you know how I feel. Trust me, I'm not mad. I don't know. What am I supposed to do? Just feel like this? This is crazy. I've been thinking about setting up the menu. I might start setting up the menu where it's monthly. I'm telling you. Let's take a look at the apps. What's the soup of the day? What am I getting this month? Can we just talk about it in advance?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
What I've come to is two sex. I don't think that's crazy to ask for. Two sex is a month. That's fucking crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
They really do do those things. Like if you go somewhere, there's kids just busting out the same thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I'm talking about the minimum dollar menu. Two HGAs and one beach. A beach is nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, it's kind of actually upsetting that all kids now talk exactly the same. Fortnite talk.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That's literally my passion you just brought up. I've been passionately crusading for the period blowjob. Whew. And it's like, I'm just in the dark. I feel like I'm alone, brother. I feel like I'm alone, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I want to see one of those videos. Black and white with just like shit written on a cardboard box. Thank you for holding space. We're holding space.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I will say, that's going to suck so bad to have sex with a guy when you don't really feel like it. Not like I don't want to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Not even saying like you truly don't want to, because then it would be off the table. When they're like, fine. It's got to be so... It's like nothing grosser. If you're not like in that sexual mood with all those hormones flying, you just watch a guy like... And you're just like, Jesus fucking Christ. Can I pie? Can I pie? No wonder The Handmaid's Tale was so successful.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I was on them, and then now I'm off them, and it's like they're starting to call to me again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I started thinking about the Bible. I'm like, they had like 25 fucking kids.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Dude, it's fucking calling to me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
The crazy kids in high school. I had kids in high school that would pie. Your friends in high school that would pie.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I had friends that would pie in high school when I was like, dude, you're a savage, bro. I was terrified of pieing in high school.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Only when I get mad. I'm like a Latino. When I get mad, it comes out. My passion comes out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I'm pretty I'm pretty passionate right now. I'm still off the porn. I've been off the porn since January 6.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I mean, I always knew of the ampleness of that fucking squad, but I didn't know. I never really thought about it in terms of getting used to it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
No, I just I said this year, I'm like, I'm going to try to go back off. And I went off for a long time. And then I went back on being because I went back and forth. I'm like, I'm not going to quit something if there's no real reason to quit it. Then I went back off and I was like, I finally had sex last night. And I was like, I shouldn't say finally, but I had sex.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Oh, my God. Oh, man. Dude, I just can't stop laughing about trying to pull out of a woman having your butt in something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
We got to go our separate ways here. That'd be a nice Tim Burton movie. Imagine it like shot, like all weird, like Tim Burton, but everyone's butts are just blocking against the walls. That's a whole movie. Just Johnny Depp with a humongous butt. Just getting trapped.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Why are we doing this? Yeah, he was. That was unbelievable. It was such a weird... What was the trial? Was it just like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That is good. There's got to be something cool about that, like going through the whole arc of the relationship and then getting to sue each other at the end of it. Suing each other and having a judge be like, yes, she was a bitch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Did she cut herself too? It's honestly. I'd rather a girl cut herself than shit the bed. Shitting the bed is uncalled for.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Cutting yourself is like, okay, you've obviously.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I was growing my beard in protest.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I told Brittany, I was like, I'm not shaving unless you look scary.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I've hit like, I think one eighth of my goal weight, 178. I'm trying to get to. Thank you for noticing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I mean, I have watched once, like a couple times when I was younger. I would just kind of like throw it up. Just like watch to see what I wanted to come back to when I came home.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I was pretty deep into it. What are you fucking laughing at?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Did you lose your ass in reparations?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yo, you lost your ass for real? What happened? There's a fucking white wife. There's a white wife in fact.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You know how you like foot train like young Chinese girls? You think you just get butt trained?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Create ops. I had very low confidence when I moved down here. Is it confidence? I don't think it's confidence. Sean said it. Sean said low confidence in eight.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
So why did you get dragged into conflict? Who wanted more conflict in your life?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
But he's Zandini. He's Zandini now. Wait, so why does he get a cool no-conflict name and he hits you with a negative one?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I'm not going to laugh at your jokes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Transgressive. Yes. That'd be a sick name for like a roller derby player, like a giant lady.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
that's nice people standing and talking at a bar and then at one at a time someone would go up while no one listened to them let me ruin the vibe while you guys are talking no one listened dude when I the Raven when I started comedy was run by H Foley and Chris Cotton RIP and if you like even whispered you'd have one of them like, shut the fuck up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
They were yacked out of their minds. They were so drunk. They were going nuts. They would get hammered the whole... It was so good, though. It was this tiny black box of a room, and it could fit maybe 40 people. It was so fun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
He wasn't as big. He was still a young tadpole.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Chris Cotton was a big dog, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That was a lot of big dog energy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It's an enforcer. Yeah, an enforcer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I told you about the guy when I worked for an electrician. We all would go to a bar afterwards. It's where he paid everybody and he did all of his like hirings there. And this one guy came in.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
She's fat as fuck my boss was also pretty poorly as well And he looked at the dude a guy's like starts hand him his resume cuz I don't know you're hired and the guys like it You serious again eat someone here fatter than me The funniest I've ever seen But back to the pornography and you yeah, oh yeah, I wanted to say that it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Do you used to watch roller derby on TV?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, I didn't know what to think about it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Wow. Wow. Here we go. I can't believe you guys got a new camera. Hey man, dude, it's sad. I bought that months ago. Is it like nice? It's pretty nice, yeah. There's gonna be a clear picture now for the boys. Crystal clear, dude. Wow. Yeah, I got nervous too. Remember the old one you still like zoom out of nowhere? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah. It's so funny. Oh, what, did you just hit a lick? And they're like, no, no. Yeah, it's all that. It's, dude, those guys. Brandon Buckingham apparently got, like, wrapped up in, like, a shooting. He was another guy. He was like, he did like, I think he did like Skrilla and all these neighbors, like inside the most dangerous neighborhood.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
His dad was in the picture. I've watched like seven Skrill interviews.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He does rule, dude. I've messaged him before. Did I tell you what happened the one time? Yes. So, yeah, like I saw I was watching him on a Kensington live feed. Yeah. I had to tell him. I was like, bro, if they got the drop on you, dude, you better get out of there. Did he respond? Yeah, he talked to me. He was like, that's crazy. I was like, bro, I'm watching you on a live stream on YouTube.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You're whereabouts. That's awesome. And then I'd watch him go into the bar he was going into. Then I'd watch inside the bar on his Instagram live. It was crazy, dude. But yeah, he is the absolute man. But his thing was he works with a bunch of other. He just works with all these different gangs. And then he would like surprise guys and put them on the same track.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And they would like spaz because they were like, you know, the ops, the ops. And he would just not tell them and put them on the same track. And they'd be like, what the fuck, dude? He's the man. I love that guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I had no... I, like, when I was on the flight, I got the text, and I was like, wow, all right. Yeah, I just thought about it, and I was like, I'm just going to look at that ball and kick it as hard as I can.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, true. Well, it's funny, too, because they're young as fuck, dude. They're like 22, 23. Just get the bag, dude. I'm rooting for them, dude. I hope they do well. Yeah. I need Skrilla, dude, to not die from drugs. All those guys, dude, when you watch like a million dollars worth of game, it's just those two dudes, Gilly and Wyla or whatever. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
just talking to dudes like they did the Kodak Black episode and he just the dude's just like dipping out he's so hot yeah Kodak's unfortunately very fucked up right now did you see when he threw a pill up in the air on I think it was Kai Snott yeah that was a little twitch for the itch or something a little glitch for the twitch he wouldn't leave and he called it he wouldn't leave though Kai Snott was trying to get him to leave and he was like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Dude, fucking NBA young boy was the same thing. They did a thing for him and he'd just be like, yeah. He was so fucked up he couldn't talk. And they were like, listen to me. It was a really moving speech, man. He talked to Kodak Black and gave him a speech and I was like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
was like damn that's actually yeah very moving but yeah dude you guys can't do the i tried to warn my black friends a long time ago so guys the white the pills came for us dude we felt it was winter for a long time don't make the same mistake and they're like nah bro i'll be on these things forever i'm like it's not gonna work out that way dude you're gonna be a junkie but yeah damn shame it's a goddamn shame dude but dude the notice part the notre dame game
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I told you I saw the funniest thing I've ever seen because I was sitting in like there. I was sitting near a lot of Indiana fans because it was like, you know, it's in Indiana or whatever. And I had the SDI hat on, which is red. So a lot of Indiana fans thought I was repping Indiana. So I was just like sitting with them. And then there was like these Notre Dame fans.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It was like three early 20 something kids with like a 50 something year old dad. And when they scored that, like that one run, like early on. The like the Indiana guys are like yelling stuff and then like nothing crazy. But this one kid, Notre Dame fan turns around to like an old man in decked out Indiana gear and goes, fuck you. Dude, like, you know how close everybody is? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
No, I didn't. Like, if I touched down Jesus with thousands of people. No. I didn't know anything about it. Millions of people watching. No clue until I got there. And then you're like, dude, it's like a big show. And I was like, right on. And I just stuck to my guns. I told you. I told you. And I did. I for real, especially the moment of kicking it. I had literally I had zero nerve.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He was like right here in this man's face, screamed at him, double bird to the face. And I was just like, oh, that's great. And dude, I was like, it was the funny and the old man was like, no, no, don't say that to me. It was a fucking funny. And then the kid's dad was like. do that, knock that off, and it was so funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'm surprised, because I think that guy had his kin with him, some relations. You would think that someone would have been like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Okay. It's just one row. One row's not bad. You just scoop them down. But dude, this guy, his dad, he was like humiliating his dad. His dad obviously brought him and his two friends to the game. The whole time, it was kind of funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
They should separate the sides like a high school game, dude. That's crazy the way they do that. But this guy, so finally his dad shamed him and apologized. He turned around and he's like, I'm sorry, sir, that wasn't appropriate for me to do that. That's nice. It was nice, but I'm like, all right. He wasn't sincere. His dad got up to leave, and I saw he popped his phone up in a group chat.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He was like, I just said fuck you to this guy behind me, and my dad got mad. What a pussy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
that's mr disrespectful that's a young disrespectful totally mr disrespecting everybody he was and then he you just every play you just yell shit out but you know i was that was uh that was so fun it's too bad though because indiana they're not really the ops yeah man penn state's the ops i know dude this is the game this is it This is the ultimate game.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Pennsylvania might break out in a civil war. Pennsylvania will go crazy. This is the most stressful game possible. They got to beat them, bro. They got to do it for those kids. I agree. Although, both sides. No, no, no. That's what they all try. That's how nasty these Penn State fans are. They're like, yeah, what about the Catholic Church? You're like, dude, Notre Dame's its own thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That's why we need his teachings even more. Even, you know, all men fall. Yeah. So we do. Yeah, don't disgrace the teachings. But yeah, that's true. What about the Catholic Church? It's like, nah, dude. Don't fucking bring them into this. First of all, that's different. That's different. That's different. We all know that's different. That's so different. That's family business.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That's so different. All right? They were being weird, bro. They were being weird as fuck. Yeah, dude. We used to chop virgins' heads off and kick them down the altar. People are going to catch some strays in the church.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I mean, dude, that's the thesis of that book.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That's the thesis of Dominion. Apparently, every abolitionist movement early on was tied to the Catholic Church. Where's he going?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Just in time, bro. Just talking about worldwide.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, but that'll be a huge game. That's not the championship.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Ohio State's very good. That's a perfect little treat for me. I wanted you to have a little treat. That's a perfect little caffeine treat. Dude, I'm so going on the caffeine, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
telling you dude my level of secret buzz i've always been uh looking for a secret buzz during the day but it's i've been getting just atrocious with like who's what's up with weed how's that going i so how's that for a secret buzz i've taken a huge sabbatical from weed but i have found these mints and you know everyone likes to fucking milligram mug everybody else yeah i'd like to do 50 and it's like whatever you do you
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
But I found these mints. They're two and a half milligrams. And that way you can kind of titrate the dough so you don't just get like thwacked out. Before, I would try it on a playground with my kids and you just get like wobbled on a plate. It's not a move. It's not the road to successful parenting. But a little 2.5 milligram, perfect. Yes. And it just – especially if you're out drinking –
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I take one with every drink, and it's like that way, like that fourth one hits, you're in the 10-milligram zone, which isn't nothing crazy, but it's enough to give you the Jiminy Cricket on your shoulder in terms of drinking because it's like, man, that ball rolled away for me in Boston, dude, and I got... What happened? I was in Boston. My cousin met me up there. You got fucked up?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It was a while ago. To the point where they do those tours. Boston does those Paul Revere tours. They're like, ooh, this ancient fucking graveyard. It was actually sick. Me and my cousin were out there. We've been drinking all day. And we were smoking cigars in your graveyard. But you couldn't get in. We were trying to get in because it was fenced off. It was like an old, old.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Drunk smoking cigars on a billion of those mints I was just eating all day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And I was like trying to get in because they had like these candlelit tours and like this ancient graveyard. Yeah, that'd be sick. So I tried to get in the door. They wouldn't let us in. So we got in this other area where we could get like real close. But we, you know, we were like a little bit gated off. But then the tour came by.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's probably something like that. A guy was dressed like Paul Revere getting a tour.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Dude, it was kind of sick. We were sitting there. We were just sitting there puffing our stugs. Me and my cousin were hammered just sitting there. He was saying how Harvard...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
like in the early days of america would pay grave robbers to go dig up people's loved ones so they could examine their dead bodies oh nice it was like a weird job like a black market job you could just dig up dead bodies and sell them to harvard this is disrespectful it was a way of life it's truly a way of life and uh and so we're sitting there we're on the edge of the thing and i was like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yo, let's get it. Can you get us inside? I wasn't even part of the tour. I was like, can we get inside? The guy is the part of your guy was like, no. And I was like, oh, that's fucking lame. And then they're like, moving on. But I did see I saw two or two or three young bros on city bikes. And they were like, I was talking to them. They're listeners of the podcast. And I was.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
hammer there's these two girls over there i was just doing like the old guy thing of like bro go talk to those about you guys if i didn't have a wife i'd be talking because i was sure the girls were getting loud and i was like they're just acting up bro they're desperate for your attention man they see you on those city bikes they want you guys to ride over like you want to come to fenway with us and i was like strongly considered yes i gotta go man
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
get a city bike it's like a five mile ride and i was like i better go inside but yeah i got i woke up with the worst hangover possibly it was like the the weed didn't the alcohol won yeah but those weed edibles were still because i don't know i was drinking were you drinking liquor or something Yeah, I was drinking liquor, ciders, wine. I was drinking everything. You were doing it all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I was doing it all, dude. And we went to the Cheers Bar.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
So funny, dude. Shit rocks. We went to the Cheers Bar. My cousin's wife was like, I know this is stupid, guys. I really want to go. We're like, no, no, no, it's not stupid. As soon as we got there, we're like, wow, so cool. But once we got in there, it was like, it's hard to get seats in there. And we just, it was like, it's actually kind of an aggressive place. Everyone's trying to get to the bar.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
it's honestly i don't know i don't want to talk badly about the cheers bar but it wasn't all that it was cracked out to be but we actually got to the bar and it was it was like kind of a hard thing to do and um it was just a stroke of luck and once we dug in there i just was crushing draft ciders like i couldn't stop it's fun time it was so it was cheers bar bro exactly what are you gonna do and they have things of normisms and whatever the guy
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, it was. You would love it, dude. You can pull in this bucket and it's just different. Norm is there's another ism. I don't know what character that was, but the normisms do hit kind of hard. So we would just pull them out, read them to my cousin's wife and go typical norm. Classic, classic, classic norms, man. Cheers. Nothing better than it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
yeah it was very fun but then i got kind of hammered there then they went our wives went out to like do something so we sat at that was oh i didn't tell you i didn't tell you about this so then we stood we said so then we go me and my cousin go to this like fancy looking like cavernous mexican place it was like you can upscale mexican place i just sat there and just crushed margaritas the bartender was attractive full disclosure
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
attractive yes maybe 26 year old bartender is pretty wild awesome and so we're me and my cousin are sitting there just cool just two old school players just chilling out max just chilling out max being normal as hell and like so then like we're sitting there drinking and then the guy next to us finishes his drink stands up shakes the bartender's hand peace
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And I was like, bro, that is the horniest shit I've ever seen. And mind you, she had made me custom margarita. Not a big deal. Nothing. Because she was like personalizing. Yeah. Well, she was like, what do you want? My thing is, is I go when I'm at a bar, I go just hit me with some crazy shit. I know you can dream stuff up. You go full mixologist. Yes. Hit me with a passion fruit margarita.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I mean, I think she was kind of sending me, you know, when a woman gives you passion fruit, anything she's trying to tell you something. But I was just trying to chill out, lady. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Not at all. She could have been an obese 40-year-old man. I would have treated her not differently at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
But then I'm sitting there and I'm like, tell my cousin, like, dude, is that not the craziest thing? He's like, that was pretty nuts to stand up and shake the lady's hand. So then finally, after like three margaritas there, I was like... Yeah, three margaritas. Three margaritas after, you know... You don't give her some head. Well, I had to ask her.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I was like, yo, just from my understanding of the world, was that... was that kind of nuts how that guy shook your hand? And she was like, oh, it was like one of my old coworkers. I was like, oh, fuck. Because I was like such a horny guy. I was just jealous he touched your hand. Yeah, of course.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I asked, bro. I asked, and I was just like, yo, that was weird, right?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
There's a golf course near me that I go to that they serve fucking fantastic tacos. The food is awesome. So we'll bring the kids there and let them run around. After the driving range shuts down, they just run around on that grass. We just crush tacos. But I didn't know that was a thing because I saw a lady driving a golf cart.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That game seems designed to just absolutely crush wives. It's so long. Yeah. It's so long, and it's just the bros. And they split it up. They go, hey, no, no, no. There's a girl's golf. There's a guy's golf. Something I'd love to get into, but I just don't have the time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Could I walk the grounds with a walking stick and not play?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
she fell in with the wrong crowd the club pro here took her under his wing she fell in with some caddies some tough caddies now she's a whore my cousin was caddying for a long time and he like got nasty at golf yeah he's i think he's like sub 80 that's pretty good yeah i'm always as good as it gets i hear about people going sub 100 i'm like damn bro
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, I was worried. I was like, that thing's taking time, Bob.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Well, I heard. I was talking about this to someone. They're like, no, you do pairs, best ball. Best ball is kind of fun. Yeah, and you just do nine holes. He's like, don't. 18 is crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It is a safe haven for drunk driving. It's so fun. But, yeah, dudes whip those things, too. Because I did feel bad because I'll unleash, like, the kids on the putting green. And, like, usually I'm there late enough where no one's on there. But the other day there was a lot of people on the putting green. They were just trying to do putts while, like, girls were doing, like, cartwheels around.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That's what I was saying. I was like, hey, man, sorry my kids don't do polite golf claps. Like, you got to. Yeah. You got to earn it around here. There was a guy, I was like, dude, it was actually like, I think it was like two days ago. He was working on chip shots. And there was, dude, there was like for real, like seven little kids running around. He was chipping it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And I was like, man, this guy must be confident. He's focused. Dude, he fucking just sunk it. Like on the, like he just sunk a hole in one chip shot. Showing off for the kids. I was like, what the fuck? I'd be so worried. I was going to crack a kid in the head with a ball. For real, dude. He like, he was hitting it hard enough to where I was like, damn, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, that golf course is the chill spot, though. Tacos, chill. You got to hit the range. I do. I hit the range every now and again. Oh, all right. I'm not bad, dude. I can hit it. I don't know where this came from. I can hit it straight somehow. Not with a driver. Driver is so hard. Driver, I've sent a couple out into the road.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
They're like, if you send it in the road, you're financially responsible. It's like, I don't think so, bro. Yeah. Pretty sure I'm hitting golf clubs at your business. I'm pretty sure you're the one with the insurance policy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, I'm going to be like, you see that cart? It fucking shot it out like a lawnmower. That wasn't fucking me. But yeah, dude, I've weirdly got better at sports as I'm older. It's bizarre.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
happens a little you slow down you're not as chill you're not spazzing you're not nervous exactly that dude i'm telling you that field goal kick i didn't wasn't nervous you had bro bro and all i could think about i was telling you was that quote where it's like it's like some chinese zen thing where it's like as soon as the archer thinks about the prize his mind becomes divided from the target
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And I was just like, dude, all I got to think about is the target. I was totally... You were locked in. I was totally locked in. If I made it, that would have been sick, but I was just happy I got it up into the air and moved. But it's like, dude, ping pong. Then I played ping pong that night. That was awesome. Me and James were playing ping pong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Well, the craziest, he beat me, and then I beat him. That was the best. And he came up, and he's like, I beat you the second. I'm like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, we did two sets of best out of three. He won the first. I won the middle. He won the second or the third, I guess.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He played great. But, dude, out of nowhere, we were fucking around. I was like, psst, psst, psst, psst. It was crazy, bro. It was unbelievable. It was exciting times. I'm telling you, man, getting, like, better at every sport and nearing your 40s is, like, it's kind of been a welcome. And it is. It's all mental.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's, like, I just don't care about, like, missing basketball shots.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I don't know, man. That was my greatest sports weakness. was the swing in the back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, now I don't care. I'd love a ball to hit me in the fucking head right now. Yeah, knock me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Charge the machine. Yeah, dude, I've been skateboarding fearlessly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And yeah, I felt really bad about that. I mean, he's got to be crazy too because he's, how old is he? I think he's probably like 70. Yeah, and he's, I didn't know. He might be older. Well, I didn't know, too, because I saw him on the screen. I didn't know who he was, and I was like, damn, dude, you should start wearing a hat. Like, you look. 73, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'll break bones. I don't want to slap my head up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Dude, I skateboarding. That would be funny for stand-up. It would be kind of fun. Yeah, broke my arm skating. Not a big deal. Dude, the pump track is like you drop in, and then you have to move your legs in a certain way to gain speed through the hills. Dude, you come up to the last hill. The really good guys hit it and get air and then come down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
But just getting to the top of that thing, you're going, and then you've got to come around like a little wall. Dude, you're literally going. You're leaning, and you're like, and my uncle, he does it with me. He's like 50.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
he was like nice he said he took a video his son my cousin freeze freeze like the video took a picture of my face like it looks like he's experiencing g-force because I'm like fully nerding out it's so funny do the skate park it's so hard
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
like physically i would do it like effortlessly when i was a kid yeah you get destroyed just like winded yeah from just like pumping your legs and like balancing your body skiing not for a long time it's gotta kill day two you're like oh shit my legs don't work you gotta be dead yeah i was doing an hour and 10 minutes of skateboarding my legs were fried for like two days it's pretty fucking eye-opening honestly yeah it's pretty crazy but dude once you get decent at it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's so sick. And then it's like, I try to like, I've been really trying to like stamp this part of myself out. But it's like, you see the other parents with their kids and you're skating. You're like, hop on the board, pups. Hop on the board, bro. But I try not to do that. What, make the other parents? It's just got to be funny because I'm there watching parents with their toddlers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Same kids my age. I'm ripping the skate park. And I almost want to tell them, I'm like, bro, grab the board. They're afraid to live free like you. Grab the board, bro. Yeah. Grab the board. Because I've talked to a lot of people who are like, I want to do it. I'm like, do it, dude. It's so scary when you first start dropping it. I'm never, ever, ever. It's so scary.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Just for the record, I'm never going near it. it's so scary and i'm not saying i'm not like shaming the dads i'm more talking about like covertly seducing their wives
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
are there wives there while you're skating and you're just like it's wives did you see that it's the worst domestic setup where it's little kids like little kids on those little zoomy bikes where like they don't even don't even have pedals there's like a small beginners kind of like bowl looking thing and then there's like the advanced pump track and it's just kids meeting their demise and then just moms freaking out at dads being like me watching them and just dads in hell
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'm like, you could really step into that look. That hat? Into his couture, the whole thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
and i'm just fucking right floating i'm just riding the way you got two milligrams in here and you're going damn yeah six thousand milligrams of caffeine and like a little bit of weed just going brother grab the board brother get on the pump track wait i just i am just kidding too i'm not thinking about seducing best wives but the thought has a fun joke it's a fun joke and the thought has crossed my mind like dude how nice it would be to have sex with people's wives no not that
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'm all about just getting that attraction and getting that energy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
There's a guy doing the pump track. Whoa, shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Don't look, babe. Well, you need enough speed. Otherwise, you peter out on the pump track, and that's embarrassing. And it took me three days.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I've slammed, dude. I slammed hard the other day. I don't know what happened. Like, when you come back up, I lean forward a little bit too much. If you zone out for a second, you're fucked. Yeah. I kind of zoned out. And, you know, again, doesn't matter at all. But there was just like lady skating with gigantic tits. And she's a lady with gigantic tits skating.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You know, you see people and you're like, you definitely have five.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I was in the hills. She was a youngster. She was a youngster. But I was it was like it was a guy. It was a young skater couple in love. But the lady was significantly better. And I shouldn't really be talking. I shouldn't be talking skate park confidential stuff. But like, but it was just a funny dynamic because like, dude, I was watching this lady.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
and then just be like what what dude these hats are cool this is how i dress it's how guys who like sports dress i didn't realize that was like a legendary coach he's the number he's the greatest coach of all time so from him it must be like you know you go on those shows it's like all right time to get fucking high-fived at a boy and you just get dickhead shows up i mean we do roast the ones we love though dude we do only
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You know, you see people like if you're a girl who skateboards, you have like colored hair and, you know, yeah, bosom. You probably have 500,000 Instagram followers. You know, that shit translates to Instagram so well. Yeah. But but they were holding down the skate park pretty hard. Just like the bully from The Simpsons. Like the skullcap and the hair. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'm thinking of dressing like Nelson, and you were kind of spot on. But again, I shouldn't. I'm being a gross pig. I'm just, you know, there's obviously, you know, I have dual natures. Yeah, this guy. I was thinking of Jimbo Jones. Oh, I was thinking more like the other guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's definitely big pants, but, you know, there was a tank. There was a tank going on. But my whole point was, it's like, you know, again, it's like... I'm not trying to be, like, gross or weird, but it does put a pressure when there's a young lady watching you do a physical activity. So I was just like, you know, there's that part of you that's just kind of like, bro, I'm killing it, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Not a big deal. They were way better than me. But I, like, leaned forward real quick and just, I don't know what happened. I was going up a hill. As I leaned forward, my skateboard stopped. You showed off for the young girl. I was like, whoo! Slammed onto the concrete. And I'd just be like, yeah, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
No, they're in their 20s, bro. Hold on, I got a whiz. Can we take a timeout? Polls. PrizePix is the best place to get real money sports action. With over 10 million members and billions of dollars in awarded winnings, PrizePix has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all. You just pick more or less on at least two players or for a shot to win up to 1,000 times your cash.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Your friend MasterCard has joined the fucking game. Yeah. Sign up today and get $50 instantly when you play $5. You don't even need to win to receive the $50 bonus.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Cook up hot takes with your friends and win real money this football season. Yeah, I feel like you probably will. I think moms. I like that. Definitely more than 1.5. Cook up hot takes with your friends and win real money this football season when you and your crew run your game on PrizePix. I mean, that's such a good thing. What a sick-ass crew we have.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Dude, download the PrizePix app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 instantly today. after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code DRENCHED on the PrizePix app to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix, run your game.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Also, please come to Atlanta this weekend. I'll be at the Helium Comedy Club in supposedly what's Atlanta, but apparently I've learned it's 40 minutes outside of Atlanta. Oh, yeah. A little different there, but it's in the greater Atlanta area. I'll be there Thursday till Saturday. Please come.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He only rose the ones we it's so funny though to be a 70 year old man Just didn't like the twilight of your years your legacy and then just be like That was you're just an agent of karma there had to been something I'm not saying he's a bad guy But I'm saying there's got to be just like there was some kind of equation that needed to be balanced Cosmically and you know you were you were there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Blows, dude. That was the best. It was funny, too, Gardini, just seeing it being like, I think it actually zoomed in on just your head for an hour. That's a good podcast angle, though. Two cameras set up, just maximal. Max face. Total Gordon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Didn't even flinch, bro. Didn't flinch at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'll be in St. Pete in Las Vegas in February. Please come if you can. You're going to be in Las Vegas in February? The Wise Guys in Las Vegas and Coastal Creative in St. Pete, Florida. That'll be fun. Get you down there. Valentine's weekend. Ooh, nice. Please, for the love of God, come if you can. Bring your sweetheart. Bring your sweetheart. Come watch me. All right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Fuck, man. It was, you know, look. It's a cold, mean world out there, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Bros are back, dude. Morale is fucking soaring.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He does Bud Light commercials. True. You guys should start really throwing your weight around.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
They think. Yeah, you guys should at least challenge one. Like a public beef would be nice. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah. Damn. Yeah, I mean, definitely 2025 is the year for major moves.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You guys got to crack a couple skulls, sacrifice some people. You guys should. I don't mean like physically. You guys should be at least two beefs by the end of the year.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Public beefs. Or, hear me out, spaz on the mothership publicly if you don't get enough spots.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That's a strong move to be like, this club hates me. They're not fair. Fuck them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Such a nice move. Like, yo, for real, I think they fucking hate me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
We got to. We got to start. I'm just taking cues from MAGA, man. We got to start infighting. Yeah, true. If you're not infighting, what are you doing? Yeah. We got to pick some point and just start fighting over it, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, that's your air, bro. Your air's back on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah. That was the other thing too. It's well known, right? That like a lot of people were.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Raccoons, dude. When you get a raccoon on your roof, it sounds like a grown person.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That's very nice. We had to tear up our little Trex deck area that we tore up and put stone down. And dude, I had to get like, there was possums living under there. There's Mexican dudes were like trying to catch them in the T-shirt. It was so fucking funny. They're fearless, dude. It was a mother possum and a baby possum. Oh, no.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Hell no. No, no, no. They were just they were sent on an exodus because there was nowhere for them to live.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
but like we were like we were like we ripped it up and it was like all right i know there's possums under here yeah like be careful so we didn't know there was a baby so like the mom was just going nuts we're like dude here's the road to freedom get out of here and it wouldn't leave they might have found their way to my roof they might hopefully that was one there was a dead possum in the front yard when i what first moved here yeah and that's when i was like that's why the house smells like it was probably dead animal yeah they're good for you though they eat snakes they eat bugs again or something oh
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
dude jackson fart castle dude jackson uh god our neighbors put rat poison there's the possum that we had under our porch our neighbors can't stand it because like it just shits and it like chills in our yard and shits in their yard yeah i've never even seen possum shit but apparently it was just shitting in their yard big time shit in their yard hung in our yard that's not it's really funny so they laid out a ton of rat poison for it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
There's our neighbors. They don't want all the shit in their yard. And I was like, hey, man, your yard is your yard. A dog's going to eat that immediately. Well, funny you say that. Jackson gorged. Of course, Jackson. We didn't know it was out there. He was gorging on rat poison? Jackson gorged on rat poison. Jesus Christ. And, dude, he lives again. He wants to go. Quarter pound.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Finally, the dude stopped limping. But then he just instantly gorged on rap. He ate a bunch of chicken bones from the dudes who were working on the porch. Just threw chicken bones everywhere. So he munched them. was, like, shitting out bones and throwing up, and then, like, during that crisis, went and just crushed a ton of rat poison. He said, I tossed a little rat poison on top of the bones.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It was crazy. Brittany called me. I was, like, doing something. She's like, Jackson ate rat poison. I was like, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, he's dead. You would imagine he'd die. I looked it up. I was like, fuck, all right, let's see here. I looked it up. You have to eat, I think, at least 5% of your body weight in rat poison to die. So Jackson, he only had... I was like, how much did he eat?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He ate like one puck. Yeah. Started for the second and got pulled off. But he was throwing up like chicken bones and like lime green rat poison. It was... Bro is troubled. Very funny. But he's good now. He's cool. He's better than ever. Legs working. I'm always a fan to hear what he's up to. It's never good. It's never good, bro. It's never good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He's had three chocolate breakouts, mushrooms once, low dose, edible rat poison. He's for real a psychonaut. He's crazy. He's done it all. He has done it. Truly has done it all. But dude, he's good though. He was thrown up for literally a week or so. I had to switch his food and everything. I was giving him chicken and rice for, like, weeks. So now I give him, like... That's good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, now I'm feeding him, like... He's fucking eating better than I do. Chicken and rice is fucking good, yeah. Because if you have a dog with diarrhea, the rice just, like, stops him up. Because he was shitting. He shit, like, everywhere the one morning. We woke up, and there was just, like, puke, puke, shits all in his bed. And he, like, pointed his ass out of the cage and just shot it out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I know, I know. But it's also like, you know, you can't like when I hear about like the flight gate and all that stuff, I'm always like, good. Like, as a good coach, you should be working.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
So we were like going around and dude, nothing sours a wife in the morning. Just like dog shitting. I mean, it'll get anybody. Yeah. That would fire me up a little, but yeah, it's, it's rough, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
No. Oh dude. Yeah. He couldn't be more mine during that time. Yeah. Granted it was both of our idea, but when he shits out of his mind, but the, uh, Dude, he... Actually, to her credit, she handled the shit mornings really well because it was the most shit he'd ever done. It was so much. Bro, there was so many spots. We just set up our Christmas... It was whatever. But he...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
yeah it was handled it was handled pretty well and then the so like that happened we're like cleaning it up and my kids are watching me and they're like what are you i'm explaining what's going on the one night we went out to see moana too and me britney and mine chloe chloe i didn't know you know we're in the dark so like we have like all everyone has all their stuff she was hitting french fries off britney's plate hitting french fries off my plate no she was working both of us we didn't know that she hit both plates so hard
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
she she ate so many french fries that that morning i go in her room she's just like she's just crying like five in the morning i'm like what's up she's like i did a yucky thing and i was like what are you talking about she's like like i did like jackson did on the carpet and i was she just threw up she didn't oh i thought she stuck her ass out in diarrhea but she just threw up all over the floor and she does if you leave her by herself she'll start trying to wipe her own ass and she just smears it it's the worst
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
We had to convince her. So we have to get, Brittany was like, cause I was like going in, I'm like, don't wipe yourself. And then she's like, I have a booboo on my shiny. And I was like, what? And she's like, Brittany's like, I told her she has a booboo on her vagina. So she won't try to wipe herself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Probably not good for longterm to be like, your vagina has a wound.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah. I think you couldn't go wrong being like, it's great. Women have a massive insecurity about what's up with it. How is it? Is it good? Same. Yeah, true. I always try to tell my wife, I say, babe, you got nothing to worry about. Let me get in with it. Let me gobble that fucking thing up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
all right all right sorry sorry sorry but we're just talking about you know but yeah that's you know so yeah it is one of those things where it's like dude i drop her off to do like her like her daycare and it's like we have to like give her pretzels in order for her to go in and i'm like man this is definitely set up some neural pathways that aren't great to be like oh you're feeling overwhelmed eat some pretzels you'll be fine just munch pretzels
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
But yeah, she's, she's pumped right now. She's on, she's like on this new thing where she's Ariel's mom from Little Mermaid. Yeah, that's very nice. Came up with it out of nowhere. And yeah, she's been hitting me with that every morning. Yeah, what'd she say? Weren't you just? Yeah, dude, I fucking, yeah, she woke me up yesterday.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Fucking, well, Maya woke me up at five in the morning and Chloe at six. I just never went back to sleep. Chloe woke up, has to pee, take her to the bathroom. She goes, I don't have to pay. And I'm like, you motherfucker. And then I'm like, all right, come to bed with me. No talking. Go to sleep. She's like, yeah, for sure. Lays down next to me. Dude, you get like two seconds of silence.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And you're just like, you know something's coming. And out of nowhere, she's like, yeah, I'm Ariel's mom. And I'm like, dude, shut up and go to bed. Stop. And then you'll squash that. And you'll feel just a hand just like whap right in your eye. You're just like in the dark. I'm like, ow, fuck. And she's like, ah. I'm like, dude, let's get upstairs. I'm done. We're not going to try to fall asleep.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It is. That was been like bugging me out lately with like because it really is people like, you know, having kids like it's the best thing in the world. Yeah, it is. It's very it's like uncomparable to anything else. But then you break down like what you're actually doing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
it's like insane it's like dude like literally like i've gotten shit on a couple times yeah peed on i mean dude i had like peed on underwear it's like when chloe pees in the toilet she likes to like really see what she's doing but then she'll arch her back so the piece i just take a look at what was going on i've done this to myself as an adult when you like poop and you pee through the toilet and so it hit the back of your pants done it yeah she did it we were out doing like something and she peed all over her fucking pants luckily it hit her just her underwear
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
So I was like, fuck, I didn't have a change of clothes. Yeah. So I just took her, like, pee underwear and was like, put it in my pocket. Oh, no. I forgot they were in there. So my whole point is, you're doing all this shit. I have, like, pee underwear in my pocket. I'm being shit on. And it's like, when you break it down by the task, by, like, task by task, you're like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I don't know, man. I think Cam, they did something to that guy. That guy got, like, MKUtred, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
how is this the best thing in the world and really it's just the power of love it is the power of love and my whole point is if love is truly that powerful what are we doing with our lives truly such a powerful force the best thing in the world is literally the most servile and disgusting tasks and just zero free time makes you think dude it does it truly makes you think
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
But also, having free time fucking rules. Free time. It's crazy, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You don't realize how sick it is until it gets taken away from you. Too much free time, though. Forever.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That is true. People don't understand that, man. That sucks. That drives you crazy. The pinging silence of hours upon hours of personal free time is kind of fucked up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
and there's like and i remember i was out there bro i'd go outside i pissed outside a lot it's awesome it was very nice the stars were i was very nice but there was always a fox screaming yeah and then it would get closer and scream closer you gotta fucking hurry you piss up run inside because i'm not sure it's a fox we have a coyote we have a coyote near us you hear start yelping you're like and the same thing we're outside i have my little uh makeshift fire pit in my in the lot that pray to god they'd never build a house there they're definitely going to though
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
But, dude, I've taken it over. You took over a lot and put a fire pit in it? Yeah, I just put, like, I had, like, stone left over from when we did that little, like, patio area. So I just, like, set up a little. Just build on. There's just a lot behind my house. You're squatting. You're settling. Technically, I could do an easement. Yeah, I could be like, hey, man, look.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I told Brittany I was going to chain myself down to my fire pit. Or I might go try to find old bones from a museum, steal them, and just bury them in there and be like, what the fuck? You can't touch this land. We can't build anything on here. But, dude, I burnt my Christmas tree. Do you know how flammable those things are? Yeah. I'm sure. I guess that's common knowledge. They burn houses down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I think he got abducted by aliens. It's crazy. He wears like a top hat and a bow tie every day. I feel like my theory is a house fell on him. I think a house fell on him and he became a witch. He is a real witchy. He's very witchy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Dude, I had my little wood. I had it going on. I'm like, let me just throw a branch and some needles. You would have thought I'd put gasoline on the fire. So then I chopped it up into three parts. And I'm putting branches and branches.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yes, burning it. It was so fucking sick. Dude, I put one, I say a third of a Christmas tree on a fire. It got, I'm not lying, maybe 12 feet up. The flame was so bright that the streetlights turned off. Jesus. The photo sensors tripped. They just kicked on, and it was like, oh, it's daytime. You were going nuts. Dude, did I show you the flame? No. Bro, the flame is so fucking nasty.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It doesn't seem to be moving. Could that possibly be UAP? God damn it, I've seen many fucking pictures. Here we go. Dude, that's me. Dude, Maya takes fucking videos of me. That's me on the Peloton. Dude, sorry, I've got to find these flames. Excuse my fucking... No, find the flames. Dude, the flames. For real, you're going to get a little taken aback and go, dude, oh, bro. That was a blaze.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
What are you doing? What are you doing? That's a third of a Christmas tree. Next year, I'm lighting the whole thing up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Just me and the family. Just me and the family.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
So our neighbors aren't there a lot. They split time between like two different cities. And they've gotten fire alerts. They have like a security camera. Oh, no. That was like, is there a fire nearby? Because their phone got pinged like, we detected fire in your area. But then the house next to me, this boggles my mind. They bought the place. And nobody's lived in there for a year.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
A year and some change. Yeah, build some stuff in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
My thing is, who fucking buys a house and doesn't use it? There's no renters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Then the one next to us, same thing, but they just started throwing Airbnb people in there. And it's, which is kind of sick because I get to like. It's probably the Chinese. I do. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
But I feel like I've met, I think it was a couple Indians actually. So I met the Indians who did it. And I'm like, you know, I was kind of stoked. I've never had Indian neighbors. So I was like, fuck yeah. They left me high and dry, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'm telling you, bro. He's huge. I think he got either abducted by aliens and sent to the future for 5,000 years beyond. That dude is... Yeah, he's in the future. He's wild, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That would kind of chat my ass. It's like, bro, come on. It's a little rough. Toss up, light up some fucking V-shirts, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Everyone's outside, bro. Or the boss Indian dudes let their wives walk like five feet ahead of them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Dude, we have some nice little walking areas and we've done the walks. The only thing that could be nice is if you do a super long grueling walk because there's nothing better than being like, are you tired?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
How the fuck am I the one that's not tired at all? I got crushed the other day because we both, when I found out, I was...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
pre-diabetic on the blood test fucking bullshit dude my a1c will be lower but it'll be sure it is already i if it's not i'm gonna die because like i've literally cut out like 90 percent of carbohydrates but there was uh there was when we like first had kid we had two when we first had two kids we'd had this double stroller in philly we push it up hills and britney would get like for real like winded yeah of course and then she'd always be like i gotta go to the doctor there's something going on i'm like yeah dude you're fucking out of shape and like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Did you see the clip of, God, who was it, man? Corey Holcomb on his show. And Corey Holcomb just kind of, like, he, like, broke something down to him. I don't know what it was. It was about Trump or this or that. I don't know what it was. But, like, Corey Holcomb kind of owned him, being like, dude, you really believe? Like, kind of, like, schooled him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
She's still salty about that comment, but the, uh, and then like, she got some blood tests where like, they really did reveal some sort of like irregularity about like, I don't know what it was, but she was like, you fucking asshole. I told you there was some, and they were saying like the side effect could be like getting winded easily. And I was like, damn, that's my bad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Instantly called out, I'm like, you're faking it. Yeah, of course. Yeah, she danced in the end zone on me on that. She's like, you're such a jerk. Especially, like, you don't realize how things sound until, like, she's telling other couples or people. Yeah, what she said. And you're like, well, hold on. Let's put the context in there. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And this asshole just said, yeah, it's because you're out of shape. And I was like, well, I was concerned for you. I needed you to know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Scam Noodle. But it was, Corey Holcomb said, I wish I remember what he said, but he's like, you can't be, you can't really believe that. He was like, I don't, like it was, you know when someone's like, fuck, I never thought, he's like, you've clearly thought about this before. And he was like, Yeah, and you could tell I definitely did it. Devastating. I mean, I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Just our faces. Just like, actually, fuck you. You see the other person's face the whole time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's like that's the bleeding edge of fashion is like borderline cross-dressing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Oh, is it a daughter now? Do you want to talk about a balancing act of the universe? Imagine. Dude, this is no disrespect. This is more of like just kind of put yourself in someone's shoes. But imagine if your dad had AIDS from getting too much pussy. He got all the pussy. That guy couldn't. He like got like multiple generations worth of pussy. So like you got it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You got to be that gay when you come out of being his son. You know what I mean? For sure. It would have been crazy if his son came out. It's not like Diddy's son. Diddy's sons are womanizers. The apple did not fall far from the tree in the Diddy family. Yeah, dude. I'm fascinated by those guys. He had two twin daughters just celebrated their 18-year-old birthday or something. Who, Diddy?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Diddy has twin 18-year-old female daughters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
and it's like I just what a world yeah to be a having a twins weird enough that to be like did his son is it him or his son's rap one of them's really wrapped up played football at UCLA it could be the wrong I could be thinking somebody else and I think Snoop Dogg hit his strength and conditioning coach in the head with like a kettlebell like attempted murder it's probably just trying to get some if I saw a guy doing jumping jacks and
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
What if he gets acquitted? What if he gets acquitted and it was all made up?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I mean, he definitely wasn't swanging anything. If you're going to attack somebody with a kettlebell, it's probably like a 15-pounder or a 10-pounder.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I feel like that would get you off the bench. True. I wish my dad wasn't such a bitch about, you know, he could have gotten up. Yeah, he could have helped. I mean, I was playing both sides of the ball in seventh grade. So true. That was my I peaked like I started out at my peak of football and was just like, yeah, you're Travis Hunter. I was never to a star. Don't forget about special teams, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'd like to give him $500,000 tonight. Was that the guy from the BYC Bulldogs I saw there kicking the ball?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, dude, I'm telling you, it's a... I really love delving into the psychosis of fathers and sports and coaching. It's like a dark world, dude. Yeah. It's pretty nuts, man. Phil held it in pretty well. That's good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, he liked it. yeah if you're quiet and chill more power to you it's when like dudes start dudes get weird yeah about like the high school sports like kids playing yeah you do down to like way young people start for sure and it's a weird that's a weird trip to get on it's a weird trip to get on like yeah my kid's the best yeah it's like no dude
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I know. I was just thinking about Notre Dame. I mean, bro, it could have been the big kick. If I made it, oh, that would have been awesome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
clearly we're watching watch the field yeah watch the tape we're gonna grind on the tape but that is you know that's that's that thing where it's like coaches playing their sons that's where it does get a little like yeah quarterback every time quarterback who knew every coach's son was a quarterback but yeah that's i mean i i could i i could get into girls basketball coaching dude
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
The path is set for me. The path is set. I've thought about it. You can get in touch with Phil.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
women do wait on you hand like they there's nothing they love more than you being like incapacitated yeah if they had it your way they'd be dead yeah if they had their way you'd be dead ideally but like you laying in a bed and needing them they can't they love that so much blankets it's very nice they love it dude if britney has anything wrong with her a i like kind of question her to make sure she's not faking first and foremost yes
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I go, oh, well, your knee really hurts. And they're like, oh, my God. Just making sure you're not making this up. And I have to go. Yeah, it sucks, man. I told you when I broke my nose and they... I got my deviated septum fixed while they had to like put my nose back together. I came out of the hospital and like, you know, Brittany picked me up. She's like always happy to do that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And they put me on fentanyl. Fuck you. Dude, because I came, I came. You got fentanyl? Yeah, dude. They put me on fent.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
i fucking i came up i remember coming to because you know they knock you out like boom you're just back yeah just instantly to be continued i come back after hours of them just like you know cutting my nose they cut your septum out like the part between your nose and then straighten it out and resew it's disgusting oh man but i came to and i came once i realized like where i was i was like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Hey, great job, everybody. Yeah. Hey, everybody, great work. And everyone's like, all right, you sit down. Yeah, okay, buddy. And they were like, we gave you something for the pain of the way home. And I was like, what did you give me? I'm just curious. I am curious about it. They give you ketamine to put you down, apparently. So I was curious about the cocktail. And they were like, fentanyl.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And I was like, huh? So they hit me with a fentanyl. Where'd you go? Just somewhere in Philly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Somewhere in Philly. Dude, the worst. Yeah, true.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
gave me some of that trank dog but they uh wet young man yeah but i i like i was like all right and i was already so fucked up from everything else they gave me but that that fenton hit me and britney picked me up and i was just like anything she said i would be like would you just shut the fuck i was so mean dude yeah instantly i had opiate rage for sure which apparently that happens if you're on perks like you get mean dude super mean also right now the mayor uh
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Black dudes are getting crushed by Percocets. Black dudes are getting crushed by opiates right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Opiates and galaxy gas. Galaxy gas. Galaxy gas. What's galaxy gas? Whippets. Black dudes discovered whippets this year. They just discovered whippets? They just discovered whippets, and it's not good. They're getting fucked up. If you do too much nitrous, apparently it stops your body from being able to produce vitamin B. which is important for your nervous system. It fucks you up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And dudes are calling off... First of all, they all say smoking. You're not smoking anything. You're just huffing galaxy gas. And it's like, dude, it rocked. Whippets rocked black people. It's hurting the community. It's crushing them. But their voice does get deep, which is sick. So you can be like, and you get like three seconds of just like the ultimate OG.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And then you fall over in like the fucking Best Buy parking lot. Shit, I don't care.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
James Fox, welcome. Thank you so much for coming on, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
How about the timing, dude? You couldn't have planned that better with the goddamn fucking...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Threatened to be shot. Okay, wow, okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Do you think he got inhabited or something?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
To me, it's like they're just making it harder and harder to say to obscure the truth. That's what I'm coming. It's like you unidentified on alarm. I can't even say it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
What kicked that off? I was curious about that. This is my thing. If things are top secret, you have these giant mechanisms of power controlling and hiding things. I do find it funny that they're like, you swear you're telling the truth? And they're like, nah, you fucking got me, dude. Yes, I pinky promise. It's a weird system we still do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
So they have been going around and scooping these things up. Yes. So what do you say to people who are like, it's just super advanced military technology they're hiding from everybody?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
He was probably so blazed when he wrote the legislation.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Isn't it funny how the people we love most are often the hardest to shop for? Luckily, there's one gift that everyone on your list is sure to enjoy, an Aura digital picture frame. Named number one by Wirecutter, Aura Frames make it incredibly easy to share unlimited photos and videos directly from your phone to the frame.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
And when you give an Aura Frame as a gift, you can personalize and preload it with a thoughtful message and photos using the Aura app, making it an ideal present for long-distance loved ones. It's a gift so special, they'll use it every day. I mean, they want me to talk about the hunt for the perfect gift. Yeah, man, it is hard getting the perfect gift.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
And there's nothing better and selfless than just, you know, giving a photo of yourself to a person. No, you're giving a photo. I'm joking around. It's the holidays. Everyone's having a tough time. Please don't drop us, dude. Our corporate sponsors are mad right now. Guys. Guys, it is nice. Your mother would love your mother loves you so much and your father. They just want to see your face.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Just give him a picture of you and your brothers, dude. Back when you were young and beautiful before you became old and decrepit. Yeah. So, you know, look, I love it. My mom has one. She loves seeing it. Hey, Bill, I'm recording advertisements, dude. I know you broke your leg, but please. Yeah, so very good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
This deal is exclusive to listeners, so get yours now in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. How do you stay cozy during the winter months? For some, wrapping up in a blanket with a mug of hot chocolate or watching a movie with the family is the best way to spend the month of December.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Therapy is a great way to bring yourself some comfort that never goes away even when the season changes. I mean, what a beautiful message. Because your family will go away, but you can always do therapy. That is beautiful. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
A lot of people get sad and freak out. You know, maybe you're an advertiser and you're saying, this ad shouldn't have been a fucking minute long. So maybe I'm just wasting time and trying to get to a minute. But, guys, it is the holidays. People get sad. I get cheerful. I get full of holiday cheer. I love it. So I'm not sad during the holidays. I like the holidays. But some of you get very sad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
So do what you need to do in terms of finding your supports. All right. You know what we all could use a little more of? Getting off asses. I have no problem with that sentence.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
With bold flavors and a crisp, refreshing kick, Mountain Dew gives you that extra push to get moving and feel like you're on top of the world, a world where the sun is always shining, your crews ready for action, and unforgettable adventures are just around the corner. Call out your favorite flavor. I mean, obviously, guys, I'm classic. I'm keeping it cool on this one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
My corporate partners were a little upset. So, look, I just want to keep it all business right now. This is a Mountain Dew. Check that out. Some of the verbiage is great tasting, refreshing, and has a citrus kick, which is very nice. Talk about what game slash activity you'd play with friends. Honestly, I like to talk about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
I thought I was being pretty open and candid, you know, with my branding partners, talking about what I was doing with my friends. But I don't know if they like my candidness or my candid nature. So I'm just going to say, me and my friends, we drink Mountain Dew. We hype each other up. We watch the game. We watch the game with each other. And then our wives come over and...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
I'm not going to talk about wife swapping or anything like that with our corporate partners, but we just have a good time, dude. Whatever, man. Just fucking do you, bro. The mountain is calling. You should answer. Grab your friends. Grab an ice cold Mountain Dew wherever refreshing beverages are sold and do the do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah, it's also, yeah, it is deeply unsettling to be like, because, you know, human beings just have this idea. We're kind of like top dog in the universe. Yeah, it does threaten. It does threaten. I mean, I feel kind of weird. Like, what do you think the I have two questions. What's the telepathic element you're talking about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
So what do you think are like the implications on like day to day kind of like human thinking and affairs? Say it's just like it's out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
proven without you know uh any sort of doubt or whatever it's proven that there there is like a life forms that just dwarf our kind of technology and understanding of the universe what do you think that does to human beings i think that's a good or you think they'll like spin people out or maybe maybe make us be a little nicer knowing we have like other yeah yeah yeah yeah i think i always felt that it would be a little scary right
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
I would argue if they're that advanced, there's a huge chance they're not kind of like predacious and like... You know what I mean? Because it'd be hard to be that advanced while you're still dealing with kind of like those more animal aggressive kind of instincts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
You think you would implode like human beings. If we don't kind of get our kind of aggressive instincts under control, we might exactly... We might like blow ourselves up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
That would be crazy if it truly was like an alien consciousness, but this was their like mall kiosk of them like flying around holiday toys and being like, check this out. Watch us freak out the humans. Look at them run. So just take us through. You don't have to obviously give the whole documentary away, but it's like, how did you get into that? And like, how...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah, it's one of those things that does that. I wish I did. It kind of dwarfs the perceived power of governments where you're like, you know, the United States, we have all these missiles or the cutting edge of technology. Then you see something that's so much more advanced if it's really buzzing around. Kind of like it makes the government less authoritative almost.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
You're kind of like, all right, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
I think it's a good thing. We get a lot of people who start being like, they're trying to use this to start up a new world government and blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's like,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
True. And it's one of those things where it's like if they're... Just say, for argument's sake, say there were some just human beings who were so powerful they were engineering these kind of crafts. It's like, well, guess what? They're going to do whatever they want. You know, whatever. Yeah. But yeah, I think it's awesome, man. I think it's pretty cool. And I think it is a... I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
I think it's good for people to have kind of shocks to their system. And I think the UAP kind of like reality of their life forms does a good shock to the system in a way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah. Yeah. Because you can get so into your like hometown versus the country. You know, you're like ants on a hill. You're like, this is this huge place. Then you get a cosmic perspective and you're like, right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Like, to what depth does this whole phenomenon go? Because like you were saying, when I grew up, it was just like aliens, and you'd get a poster with black lights of an alien being like, peace, man. Right. But yeah, the more you hear about it, like, it just came out of nowhere. Like, the government, I feel like a couple years ago, was like, oh, by the way, aliens are probably real.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
This is the thing that fucks me up. It has to be infinite because if it were to stop, it could only stop by a sort of border. There'd have to be something on the other edge of the border, so it has to be, by definition, infinite.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
The universe really is ruled by dream logic. That's the only place a thing can be infinite and non-infinite is in a dream. Don't get me started, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
And everyone was just like, what the fuck? What are you guys doing right now?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
It blows my mind, seriously. I'm just like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
but you know what i'm talking about though it has to be infinite because if it were finite there'd be a bordering edge and there'd have to be some physical thing on you can't have something that borders that doesn't have another side of it so it can't be bored it has to be infinite otherwise i remember one time thinking to myself like i have no idea why i'm here what the hell's going on i do that i don't think we're here to hate each other yeah that does that's one thing i feel like you know come on
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah. It doesn't feel good in your body. That's what I've been doing. It's like people say like, you know, oh, you know, this is this is crazy. It's all airy fairy talk. It's like, well, dude, if you like just assume where these kind of like struggling animals with nothing other than animal instincts and our whole sense of consciousness is like, you know, just wafting off these.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
It's just like this nonsense that's wafting off our instincts. It's like to take that worldview hurt. It literally hurts your body.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
So it's like, yeah, I agree with you. But I think if you kind of open yourself up to like the kind of cosmic scale, becoming basically a cosmic patriot rather than your country or what, you know, people will be mad at me for that. But you can like your country, but also be like, I'm also a citizen of the universe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Open yourself up to that scale.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Wait, so they were up for three days straight and they were just like... Yeah, and they couldn't sleep.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Hey, man, there's just larger forces at play, so that's all that is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah, it's really... It does suck, and it sucks to waste it just being this fucking miserable dick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
I know. And I'm, I'm, I'm guilty of that. I can be a miserable dickhead, but it's like, it really is. Especially when you look at it, it's like, if you look at the scale and then you get into like the, the math behind, like, what are the, if they go guard, it all happened by chance. Well, what is like the mathematical probability of that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
And it's, it's, it's like literally if you were a math person, you beg, well, yeah, my own math proves that this happening for no reason is so statistically improbable. It's crazy. Yeah. And they go, well, it's because the universe is infinite and that anything can happen. It's like, okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah, well, Tucker Carlson now is like... He's freaked out. And he's like big on the interdimensional thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah, he's like out of nowhere. He tapped out. He got off a fox, and he was just next thing you know, it was just like there's interdimensional entities, blah, blah, blah. And everyone's like, what the fuck, dude? Yeah, no, he tapped out. What do you mean he tapped out?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah. I mean, it makes sense if you're if especially if you're like, you know, an older man and typically politicians. And I would say even more so like military people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
A lot of them are sort of kind of like a rigid kind of like, you know, insulated and like not like they're not saying like they're egoic, but it is like they have a very kind of top down way of thinking and like stuff like this is like there's no time for it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
You have your new documentary, The Program, I believe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
There's got to be some sort of directive. Like I said, if you're military, there's rules for everything. So it'd be like, eh, we'll get that later on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
That is a good idea. Yeah. Damn, man. So we'll wrap this up. I think this has been awesome, by the way. Thank you. Oh, cool. Thanks. My question is, so say if somebody, you know, the biggest doubting Thomas or one of the, you know, if someone pretty close minded is like, I don't even want to think about this stuff. Do you have like one kind of like silver bullet you'd be like, check this out?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Awesome. Dude, thank you so much.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Thanks for doing this, man. Of course. Watch the program. Thank you, James. Of course. Later on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Yeah, well, dude, here's all. So to be honest, I was watching the documentary last night and I was I was just like on the way to a holiday party and I just I got really stoned from a vape pen. I haven't been smoking like that. And I was just like launched and I started watching your documentary and I got like I started bugging out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
That'd be tough. There's, like, a scolding. I'm reading Bertrand Russell's autobiography, and there's a lot of, like, English letters, and they're pretty, yeah, they'll get you, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
I started thinking about just the vastness of the cosmos and just kind of the, you know, the inevitability of there's got to be some other sort of consciousness there. or life form out there. And it's like, I was bugging. I was like with my wife and I was like, they turned it off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
Are the waters good now from that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
I've been personally boycotting BP forever since that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
It was before that. But we were, I just started thinking about it because there was all, it was all these like, you know, there's these like Congress meetings and all these people. And it was like the line that, I don't know if it was from that or someone said it, but it's like, why would these people put their credibility at risk for no reason?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
And he was so he was just driving. The other guy apprehended.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
What did they say it looked like?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
No, that was Mystique. Mystique, yes. I took sixth in the first game, second in the second game. You got ninth? That's pretty good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
I got hit a lot. So Guard Dog was the best? I'm pretty good at laser too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, how was that? It was awesome. Fuck. I got a compliment from a diva. What? Yeah, you did get a compliment from a diva. And I didn't like that. She said she liked my glasses. She likes her glasses. And I wish she looked at the eyes behind. What was her name? Liv Morgan. Liv Morgan.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
The lady match was actually good. Maybe the best match of the night. That was a wild match. I loved it that they were like, do you guys want to see? They all started fighting and they were like, do you guys want to see this at a later date? And everyone was like, no. They were like, how about right now? And they were like, all right, we'll do it right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
It was like, no way they're doing it right now. They're going to do it right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
They got to bring him back. I was saying they got to fake execute him in the ring. Give him the guillotine.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Yeah. Yeah, they just did the rest of the show after that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Hello. Me, Lamar, and Nate have a show, Optimum Noctis, at the Creek in the Cave on Tuesday, February 4th. It's the first Tuesday of every month, and then I'll be at Coastal Creative in St. Petersburg, Florida on February 13th and 14th, and Las Vegas, Nevada at Wise Guys Comedy Club on February 28th and March 1st. SeanGardini.com. Thank you very much. God bless you. God bless. Yep.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
He might have... He admitted to... That's what this Washington Post article says. He said he admitted to paying to boost his online warriors into global leaderboards. Whoa.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
And the post says he admitted to it, paying players to help him rank up and get his guys. I don't know how Diablo works, but apparently he paid to get that rank.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
I think a mix of like a few of those sorts of things.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Yeah, I think they looked at his rank and they were like, if you can never do this in the amount of time you said by yourself. Dude, his mind's a storm, dude. He's a genius. I guess. His mind's a fucking storm, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Oh shit, it was dude. It was also smoked weed beforehand.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
The mayor got lost in the King of the Games. We couldn't find him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
We were all so sweaty, but the rest of the friends weren't as sweaty as us four. Yeah. And the pizza room was so musty. I could see James dorking out in there. James was sweaty. Yeah, we were all sweaty.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
The prosecutor just hits them with their horoscope in the stand. They're like, yes, I believe you. You're like, all right, Your Honor, rest of my case.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Also, RIP Diddy for making the band, dude. That was a great show. For sure, yeah. Damn, so yeah, you're trying to find the one. He didn't die, though, man. I mean, he probably wishes he did. It's coming. Yeah, hopefully he doesn't fucking get sad like Jeffrey Epstein did and fucking kill himself. So you're just trying to find the one. They're going to come on TV.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, no. That could be China. Yeah, it could be China. Although, why would they, like, they have... It could be China.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, led by Elon Musk. Dude, what did you think about his... Fucking...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, did you see that? Did you even see the Nazi salute from Elon Musk? Oh, yeah, I did see that. That was tough to defend, bro. He's like, I'm sending my heart to you, and he pounded his chest and then tossed his hand up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
And then being like, oh, my God, enough with the Nazi stuff, dude. It's like, that was wild.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, I haven't seen any either. I saw the Paul brothers were there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
What was he doing? He's like, we will have Panera one day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Are you going to abstain, though? You should mindfuck them and abstain the whole time. What is abstain? Don't fuck them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I didn't see that. I missed everything on the internet. How do you Google that, by the way?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
What was he stoked on? Was he just, like, stoked on Trump or, like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Okay, that's what's up. I mean, that's nice. That's good. Yeah, that's dope. It truly is, though. If you're going to give this to me... Oh, that's good. Nobody had anything bad to say. Oh, wow. Yeah, no, that guy's good. Yeah, that's a good dude. He could have just been like... For him to just come in there for Unity, that's... That's actually nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
And maybe he just got carried away in the spirit of the moment. He was just like, fuck it, I can't control myself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
let rip i mean musk musk got carried away yeah you saw musk do a fucking nazi sleuth i'm doing the voice fuck this i'm gonna have fun too
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah. You'd be embarrassed. Imagine falling at the inauguration.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Logan's the boxer, right? Or Jake? Jake Paul.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah. No, one fake fight. Logan is like a WLF guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, he boxed Floyd Mayweather. Oh, he did?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It's like you have enough money.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
And eventually it spreads and spreads until, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, anytime they flash to a UFC fighter, one of those things.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It's got to be kind of sick to just be like, fuck it. Yeah, I'm just going to get my head, my bell rang and just rock with CTE for a while. Once you get over the fear, it's got to be kind of nice. Gamble whenever you feel like it. Fucking smash everything in your house.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Dude, tons of money. Apparently they've been like... killing it harder than anyone can imagine. Like billions of dollars out of the state of New Jersey alone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah. I didn't know that. Sager and Jetty's big on that. The guy from breaking points was, he was hipping me to the stats and they're not good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
We never had, we never had betting like this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Damn, his deal just ended with China. Now he's doing gambling.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
How would a girl like capture your heart? They're in the house.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
How did you feel about the game?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
You just take your half of the fire show you're doing. Like, actually, Bill, I'll donate my own half. It's Notre Dame.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, I think it's going towards Randy Quaid's mansion.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
The fires. There were fires in L.A.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
well it was weird too because like you look at the footage and there'd be one house left on the block and it's like that'd be crazy to come back and be like oh fuck yeah i did it shit all right i'll move back in just move right back in chill that's crits you really live on the fucking the moon could you yeah true just craters everywhere you're just in a house be the martian It's fucked up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Dude, I heard recently 37%, this is going to sober us up, 37%-
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Shannon Sharp used to do that where he'd be like, I can't believe all these white people know about me. It's like, dude, you have one of the biggest shows on YouTube. What are you talking about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Just that. Dude, the sex tape was kind of sus, though. That was like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I mean, more power to him if it was a viral one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I think he had some good girls in there. It was intense.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, that company could have slid right in real quick, though. I'm like, dude, promote us. Everyone's talking about you grunting on that lady.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It was quick. Yeah, but he could have been in the middle of humping and set it off mid.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Maybe the girl did it. Maybe the girl did it on his phone. Cause that's, yeah, there's no way he did that on accident. That's what I was saying originally.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Do you cast yourself or do you have like a casting agent?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I listen to it to get hype. If I got a show, I listen to it just to hype myself up. You put the audio in just to get hype right before I go on stage.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That's a good girl. He threw a couple good girls in there, which is like, all right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Oh, dude, talking her through an orgasm, like, yeah, good girl.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Dude, so this is what I was about to tell you guys to sober up the room. Apparently, you know, remember Kinsey, the sex researcher back in the 50s? They made a movie about this guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Back in like the 50s, this guy. How old are you, man? I'm 38. For a second, I was like, am I 50 years old? I'm like, what the fuck? So apparently in the 50s, this guy did like a crazy sex study where he like was interviewing housewives, dudes. And he was like, because nobody would talk about sex back then. And he was like, here's what's actually occurring.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
And apparently, I just learned this the other day, according to his stats, 37% of men have had homosexual experiences defined by one of the men reaching orgasm back in the 50s. And that was self who reported. That's a crazy stat. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I wouldn't jerk off to the research. The questionnaire, maybe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
If the questionnaire was charged enough, it would be like erotica.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
There's a mixture of a lot of shit, man. There's like a whole thing of reform studs on Instagram.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
In the 50s, dude. I could be wrong. My brother could be misleading me. He could be, you know, leading me down. Like somebody came. Yes. Two dudes partied. At least one dude came, if not both.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
He's chilling. He's chilling. He's not even working. He's off the grid, bro. He's off the grid.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I understand why. He's in the dungeon, bro. But yeah, no, he just hit me with the fact.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Dude, I mean, is that a fucked up fact?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
If true, look, Google it, dude. Please, please produce this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
10? My brother's fluffing the numbers, bro. He's fluffing the numbers. 37 is crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I'm going to see if you can clarify.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Let's go, let's get the clarification.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
He's doing research. Second older.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Fed's older than Tom? Yeah. I would have never guessed. K-Fed's older than Tom. He's on FaceTime audio, dude. He's on that. Oh, show me that. Show his number. He'll call me back. But yeah, dude. I could be wrong, but he was saying 37%, which is 10. Oh, really? Maybe this is an updated study. Maybe it's the Kinsey Institute of Research. But here's my whole point.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
The reason I'm bringing this up, and this is the conclusion me and him reached independently. If it is somehow 37% self-reported, that means in real life it's got to be, what, like 90, 94? And the conclusion was we both reached this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It's definitely the amount who actually did it and didn't say yes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
My point was, me and my brother were arguing which one of us was the only. I know you did some gay shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
But you said to close your eyes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Fuck, dude, I closed my eyes so hard. The point was, me and my brother were suspecting we might both be the only straight dude actually in the world, the chosen one. Like, the world's actually all gay, and me or my brother are the chosen one. I mean... We are Neo.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That doesn't count. It was straight, but... That's what I'm saying, straight as hell. You guys were stoked on pussy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
White guy trains are teenagers jerking off together in the same room without a girl.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
For the fun? For sins and giggles? It's just porn. You just get porn and you're just fucking stoked.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
This is before the cell phones and shit. Back in the day, it was only a VHS. But why together, though?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Because you didn't know the next time you were going to see porn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Are the studs like chaos agents? What are the studs going to do?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Well, it's the same idea though. It's like, let's just all get. Were you at any of the Diddy parties or did you miss that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
You left early? No, that was down the street from me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Did you ever meet Diddy? Yo, what the fuck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, everyone has. I was relieved to learn that nobody was at the party.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Well, everyone pushes the time back. Like, yeah, I always left at 2 a.m. At 3 a.m., everyone busts their dicks out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I think Denzel was there whispering, like, cool Bible quotes to people, like, the devil gets close to you when they're most successful. That would fuck you up. And they're both getting their dicks sucked.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, what the hell are they trying to say?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Sorry, I don't think you meant to say that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
We're back. Woo, baby. All right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Sorry about that. I shit my pants. Oh, man. Damn, Drewski, you are the man. So what else is wrong?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I don't know, man. There was the court testimony of that one producer who got led along and he said he would try to mix tracks and Diddy would just fucking scoop his balls. He said that in court. That's what he claimed. That's legal document. But we've also talked about it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Although they can get activated and get on like a Steal Your Girl mission.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Let's switch gears. Let's switch gears. I'm kidding. Oh, man. So, yeah, I actually did want to walk through this with the house. Mm-hmm. Like, are you shy to, like, do, like, intimate acts with, like, around a camera crew?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
This would be awesome. But to answer my question, how do you separate? No, for real. If you've got the camera crew there, is that kind of awkward?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Oh, so people, I always thought of those shows were like free-for-alls.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
How do you keep your studs in line?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Dude, you'd be a legend if you wiped a stud on the show at the end of the premiere. You got to see. For the finale.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
True, yeah, but let me know. I mean, fuck. Let me know what I'm talking about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Dude, I dissolved into the role. Most people don't even know it was me. He's the cop. He's the cop on the show.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I'm just trying to move the conversation.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I couldn't get into that. I mean, it was sick. You saw it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I kept hearing about it on the news. It was like the Chinese spy balloon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I have dogs. That could have been in my house for a while.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
And it's wet dogs, to be specific.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I do. I have two dogs. Could be them. Or it could just be, you know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, this is totally scentless as well. Oh, do we give him the butt mic?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Shane put me on your stuff. I was like, this is the best shit I've ever seen. We watch it all the time. It's pretty fucking awesome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
god damn it's a heaven yeah i haven't heard of that i don't know really yeah you didn't know that that's when they get promised they could literally get promised 72 versions when they like blow up a school bus they're supposed to be greeted by 72 wow virgins too not just like maybe around a little bit but like versions and you lived it well okay this podcast is a brand risk this is a brand risk waiting to happen you can edit you can edit whatever yeah yeah yeah you tell us
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah. They're an ancient part of entertainment, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
If you were like a prince passing through town, you needed at least like five or six jumping midgets. Are you serious? To complete the ensemble? Yeah, I think so.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
You got to paint them. Imagine being like a barbarian ransacking ruler. You're sacking the town. You just see a midget under a bench. You're like, bro, get in here. You're part of the squad now. You're part of the caravan, for sure. Let's ride. Okay, well.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, they have fun. They have fun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Damn. Like a reacher? A personal reacher?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I was at the grocery store with my wife and I couldn't reach. There was like some water at the top, top shelf. And I'm like trying to climb up there. I was I was kind of midget out myself trying to go up there and do this big tall guy comes and I'm like my wife's with me. I'm like, hold on, give me the car. This guy's like, I'll get it for you. And I was like, dude, get the fuck out of here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
No way. I just climbed up the car and.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
No, I would have had to left my family. Like, bro, they're yours now, man. I've been disgraced.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
think of it like a strong guy carried something for you that's what i'm saying that's like just as bad dude he's son it was like and he wasn't trying to be a dick i get it yeah i'll get it for you and i was like bro no disrespect but you gotta get the fuck out of here i'm gonna get this jug of water for myself i was like i appreciate you but get the fuck out of here right now before i freak out kind of turned my wife on though you know you being scrappy or the tall guy i think both of us combined yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
And it's out around Valentine's Day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Is it true? Because I've heard in those shows, you kind of ply the house with alcohol. You're going to have a lot of alcohol. How are you going to keep people?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
There is something about it. I want to get to the bottom of it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
They have an M on it. Kahurus. Kahurus?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I just save it. I save it all, man. Always ready for the fucking rug that you pulled out from under your feet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I see what you're saying, looking like a plane.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I saw it with my naked eye. But looking at that flight path, that's an irregular flight path for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And we're live. What's up, everybody? How we doing? Motherfucking Sidney Gant, Tim Buddley. Thank you guys for coming. I'm fucking so pumped to have you down here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Here's what I would do. I would hire some sort of like cyber attacker guy to take their basically like their content and switch it out with me, like taking dumps on stuff and jerking off. They would just be completely blacklisted. I would do like heinous scat content and have it like pushed onto their stuff and have them be like what the fuck happened and be like you know what happened
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Like, oh, you guys like jerking off, huh? I would just fucking blast.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, you got to knock that stuff off early, man. And again, I don't want to say purely from moralistic terms. Before, it was thought to be disgusting to marry for sexual attraction. And that's crazy. Dude, the Puritans thought in England in the late 1800s, they were like, oh, he is horny for his wife.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Exactly. It was just upholding the state. A man and a woman would just be like, fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It was crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Like if she walked by and you were like, damn. Oh, bro, yeah. It's over. You had to basically ignore each other. The more you ignored each other, the better.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Dude, the sexual tension.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Well, I think that was more like the aristocrats. I think if you were like... Apparently, they thought back then it was bad to give... English aristocracy thought that it was bad for children to eat fruit. So the guy, who's that mathematician guy? Bertrand Russell. I read some of his.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He wrote Principia Mathematica with Whitehead. They're the guys who wrote a math book where, I think, 60 pages explain one plus one. He was on some high-level nerd board. Yeah, but he claimed, well, he was one times one. He was claiming they did one plus one because they wanted math. What did they think that equals to? Two, but they want to be able to prove it because math.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Here's the problem with math. It's funded. It's they want it to be purely like logical. But math is founded on axioms that are unprovable. And that pissed them off. They're like, I can't stand that. Dude, we want this shit to be. Yeah, we want this to be like perfectly logical. No faith because they were like, you know, they're big atheist types.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, they're like, one plus one is two, but we're going to show you exactly why without, you know, people are like right on. But my whole point was he wasn't allowed to have apples when he was younger.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, because that's where the proofs are. I'm terrible at algebra, like borderline.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
When geometry gets into the proofs, I'm out. I knew him, dude. I don't know how I knew him. I might be the son of Pythagoras, dude. I somehow, they would ask me questions of the proofs, and I'd be like, oh, it's that. I just fucking knew. It was weird. Like how some people got that Genghis Khan blood?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I got like a B in geometry without really trying, and the proofs were weirdly self-evident. Oh, I tried hard. But algebra... Terrible.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm so fucked.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Don't tell anyone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He'd be nice, man. Hopefully. I've thought about doing something similar where I'm like, because I am deeply embarrassed and like, you know, my kids are getting older. I have to help them with their homework. And I'm like, I'm so bad at math that I've thought about just like taking a refresher or hiring like a math tutor. That'd be kind of nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
my daughter came downstairs the other day and she was like man dad the white ones are tripping upstairs damn that's hilarious the um yeah i uh you know what is cool about math though that the universe is structured according to mathematical principles or we're no i thought we applied that to it i I don't think so, man. It's like a chicken and egg thing. We don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't know, because here's the thing. There's a mathematics to music, kind of, and scales and everything, and that's... inherent in the universe. We didn't apply that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
How do you feel about that, though? Do you think it was a hookup? What do you mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Now you're talking my language. I don't know. I just think that's sick. I think math has to be real because if you can calculate the distance and land precisely, that means the exterior corresponds to the mathematical principles. I'm out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Well, it pumps me up. It doesn't make a difference, but it just pumps me up to be like, that's sick. Math is baked into the universe. It's cool. You would prefer if that's true.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's just more evidence of design. Yeah. I don't like the idea of living in a randomly created universe, and I just don't believe in it. Okay. So that's all. That's all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I need a buzzer. Well, here's the deal. No, if someone says something out of bounds, I will put you down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
How so? I don't know. You don't want a loving creator?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, that's got to be really annoying.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I was reading about Irish immigrants in like the early 1900s and like, dude, they really, their lives suck, dude. Terrible.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think everyone. Before or after they got here?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
both both just getting over here and it's not like not being able to eat when was this the 20s 30s yeah that's when my family got here did they really yeah yeah it was like a big deal like the dude the dad would actually bring home his wages and not drink them away and they'd be like we can have toast and jam and eggs and like the whole house would be so fucking pumped yeah it's like i wish i could get that pumped on toast and jam and eggs i like it i'm happy what is your family i never i don't think i've ever known this we're all irish you're all irish yeah and you love toast and jam
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What happened? What was triggering it? I mean, you know, I crush donuts, like, every night. Well, that you gout, but not... I'm, like, so mystified by this, because the A1C is when you're... That's, like, the diabetes stuff. Yeah. That's the percentage of your blood cells that are coated in a delicious frosting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Mine are at 5.7%. Okay. And if you get to 6.3, you officially have diabetes, or 6.5.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What do you think? I go through these things as well. What do you think pushes you into these obsessive eating things? I knew it was a grocery store sheet cake for a while.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I just want you to look guys. I just want you guys to not have diabetes. I couldn't believe I have a free dive. I for real was like blown away.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, I think literally one out of every three people is close to pre-diabetic in America. That can't be.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I swear to God. It's like something ridiculous. It causes a whole host of other problems. Your eyes get fucked up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
The snacks?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
How do you feel about Maha? Make America healthy again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Or pre-diabetic.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And if you don't realize it, it just kind of sneaks up. All your hemoglobins are getting coated in sugar more and more.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They get sharp. Dude, I had no fucking clue. What did you have to change to fix it? I just don't eat carbs anymore.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I was crushing cereal here and there, but I was more so portion monster. And I was like, I don't really eat sweets that much. But then I was running through it the other day, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I would get a sweet thing every time I was in the grocery store. Anytime they were in my house, I would eat all of them. I was like, I was eating a lot of fucking sweets.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think that insulin finally comes into play. I have yet to research insulin. But the one number one marker they give you is what percentage of your red blood cells are coated in glucose. It's like they have literally like a sugary coating on the outside. And then like those sugar, I think like sugar that whatever that is, the glucose, certain like molecules are like sharp and crystal like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So then they're kind of slashing all your veins as they're moving through your body. That's why like diabetics get like fucked up, like blotchy eyes get fucked up. You can't pee after a while?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It just fucks you up. You just have sugar just rushing through your veins and cutting your veins and you get all jacked up. That rules, actually.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What do you guys think about the hunk murderer guy?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You think he was a patsy?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. That's a crazy target, though, because you would think like... I don't know. It's like, don't they usually pick, like, lunatic? Kind of like, I guess he did kind of, like, lose his mind.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But it was his back hurt, apparently. That's the one thing. A lot of people are lionizing him, and it's like, I get it. I do understand why, but it's like, if the back... theory is true and his back hurt so bad that he girl spazzed and shot a guy. That's where I'm kind of like, I don't know if we should totally prop this up. Back pain is like that, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I follow another Twitter account that says you should never, ever emotionally make yourself available to your wife and never eat her pussy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Never eat her pussy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, there's like an account I follow of like a picture of like a lady just being like, don't eat your wife's pussy. She'll never respect you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I know. I do like that outcome where it's like you have to absolutely dominate everything. at all times. It's just a funny... I just don't know. It makes me laugh. Some of those guys that aren't married, though, they're saying this shit. I know. Well, you're a fool for having even done it, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Well, you have to mislead them. That's the key. You can move all the pussy you want in the world, but if you trick them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That is a slippery slope. You have to trick them and move them across state lines. That's trafficking. You can prove it was a nasty trick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Really? Yeah. What's the number one trick? What would you say you do?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
i've learned that i have like one i was like talking to my wife about this yesterday we went for a nice walk and uh we're just talking about her monthly cycle and uh you know yes and she was explaining to me she's like yeah i'm like fuck the week before my period the week during i'm like whatever the week after i'm like furious and then i have what i'm like so you have three bad weeks out of the month she's like yeah but then i'm really horny on that fourth week i'm like yeah it's so sick yeah let's go
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We have one glorious week per month, and it's so tight, dude. So juicy for me and nice to me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, true. It builds up. My thing is I'll be like, I don't even want to have sex. I just want to feel your body. Let's just cuddle for a while naked. And then you go, ooh, what's that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
A little skin-to-skin, and then naturally you're like, eh.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But I think the rules don't apply to wives. Like, your wife can be just, like, blacked out drunk, and it's like, any judge would be like, take what's yours, sir. Take what's yours.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But usually the woman comes home hammered and is like, you're not going to be like, get off me, you drunk bitch. You're going to be like, all right, I'll have sex. Stop sucking my dick. Fine. I guess I'll have sex with you right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
yeah while you're in you know your inhibitions are lowered and i can touch your butt but yeah there should she's like passed out don't be a pig sure you can you know let her rest man she had a long day a long day let her rest and then guilt her in the morning be like we're supposed to have sex someone was too drunk it is i i dude i don't like when women are drunk to be honest
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I just don't like it, man. I don't like it. My grandfather was right. He told me when I was a young man, he says, nothing worse than a drunk woman. I tend to agree. I tend to agree. It's a fucking liability. They're a hazard. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They step on, ow! They bump their heads so much. Ow! Yeah, true. They get hurt. Yeah, they get hurt. Yeah, they're constantly bumping their heads.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Nothing worse, dude. You're like Mr. Magoo, like flitting around trying to keep Mr. Magoo safe. I have such a low tolerance. It's something I'm working on. I have such a low tolerance for the ouchies. Like if my wife bumps her knee, it's like, oh. I'm sitting there like, you're fine. You're all right. Get up. Come on. You're fine. I don't know why it makes me so mad. I'm like, that's not that bad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's pretty sick, though. Goofy freaks me out too much. I tried watching the Goofy movie with my kids, and I was like, let's watch something else. It's too silly. And then it's like Goofy's nice, but then like the evil Goofy's, those like other guys, I don't like, I don't know. I just don't like the side of those guys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it does suck. Stop in your toe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Shut the fuck up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
My wife's a big let me see it. Let me see it. No, fucking don't touch me. Get off me. Let me just see it. I got to see it. I'm like, no. And without fail, she'll tweak whatever it is. And I'm like, that fucking hurt. Why did you do that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Chaps my ass. They need ice. They don't need fucking ice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Have you ever heard about breakers? They are nicotine pouches with an extra surprise. Each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken open to release extra flavor and hydration. If you know your pouches, you know that the nicotine doesn't hit immediately, and neither does the flavor. The geniuses at Lucy came up with a brilliant way to fix both those problems.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They put a mini liquid capsule inside each breaker's pouch. I mean, that sounds so good. I've recently been toying with nicotine, and I do the one milligram coffee stack, obviously, but... That's cool. You know, nicotine's nice. Personally, I don't find it personal. Wow, wow. I know I'm going against the science. I just, whatever. I kind of could take it or leave it, but, you know, do you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to Lucy.co slash drench and use promo code drench to get 20% off your first order. Lucy has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind. Again, that's Lucy.co and use code drench to get 20% off. And here comes the fine print. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning, this product contains nicotine.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Hey, what's up, Shane? How you doing, dude?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Some people out here are only thinking about themselves. Meanwhile, PrizePix has made it accessible to all so that we all can have fun times. Even the unhoused. Yes, even the unhoused can still get in on real money sports action, which, I mean, that makes me very happy. Dude, this app is really simple to use. Pick two or more players across any sport.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Pick more or less on their projection, and you could win up to 1,000 times your money, dude. That's all I want to do. That's exactly it. I mean, what the fuck am I doing with my one time of my money? I can times it by a thousand thousand. I'd only get my fucking act together and start getting in on real money sports action.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it's the simplest way to win money in over 30 states, including California, Texas and Georgia. Join now this holiday season because prize picks is giving away two free picks in December and we're giving away 20 plus million dollars in rewards during the annual. Holy cow. Pick miss event, dude. And I can't emphasize enough how easy it is to play. Let me break it down for you, Shane.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Let me break this down. Shane, you know about the NBA and NFL, right? Of course. So we got NBA and NFL on Christmas Day again. So let's make some picks for the games on that day. I like Anthony Edwards to score more than 26 points on Christmas Day in his rematch against the Mavs. I don't know if you know about that. But, I mean, Luka and those guys, they swept him last year. Did they?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, they fucking swept him last year. So, you know he's going to want to show up. He's going to be hungry. He's going to be hungry. He's going to show up with the spotlight. He's hungry.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Exactly, dude. That's some bullshit. He's going to want the spotlight on him. But, I mean, dude, the football games are pretty good, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I like the Steelers' defense to shut down Patrick Mahomes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Picking less on his projected 239 passing yards. On 239 passing yards? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, they don't have Kels up here. I think, no, they don't have any kills. What do you think about kills?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, for T.D. Swift. That's going to pump you up if everyone's just slamming your mega famous girlfriend. You're like, I'll fucking show you. Yeah, I'll show you. Run a tight fucking poster. Come on, fucking. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't know why.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I never liked that show. You don't like Ren and Stimpy. When I was little, it was just grotesque. You seemed like a Ren and Stimpy kid. I wasn't allowed to watch it. That's what my parents held back from me. They were like, no Ren and Stimpy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I mean, look, we talked about Patrick Mahomes. I think that's an incredible take, by the way. And you can combine up to six picks to create your lineup so you can win up to 1,000 times your money instantly. That's all I'm talking about. Real players, real sports, real cash. So make sure to download PrizePix and use code DRENCHED at signup.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
The NFL playoffs and the rest of the NBA season are around the corner, so there's plenty of time to play. But don't miss out on the limited time-only holiday deals PrizePix is offering in December. Download that chain. Download the PrizePix app today and use code DRENCHED and get $50 instantly when you play $5. That's code DRENCHED on PrizePix. You get $50 instantly when you play $5.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You don't even have to win to receive the $50 bonus. I mean, this is crazy. What? It's guaranteed. You don't have to do that. They're just giving it away. PrizePix, America's number one daily fantasy sports app. I mean, it must be present in certain states with PrizePix.com.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They don't want to give you $50.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, this is what Christmas is all about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
One. It was me, Sidney, and Butterly. We're going to toss it. All right, nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Little stony dads, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We could just rip.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I just got in. I got in from getting my motherfucking massage.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, I wouldn't put it that way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's a girl. It happens to be. If it were a guy, I didn't care. I was like, look, I'll take whatever.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, dude, it would have... Fuck that. If it was a guy, I'm obviously... I'm capping right now. If it was a guy, I can't get a guy. Yeah, that would suck. I mean, because your lymph nodes, you have one right on your hip. If I were to... I don't need to like demonstrate, but it's like, I'm right there. So it's like, yeah, look, it's just my body. I didn't put my left. You've got tubes there. He do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You do have some dude here. I want to give you something. I do want to, I actually wanted to bring to your attention. I have an idea. for a live show. I'm going to try to do it at the Cretan cave. And I want to see what you think about this, where I, so it's just like a, I wear the headset on stage, walk around and I would let the audience step up to the crowd, to a microphone, to ask questions.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And I, it's a simple Q and a, but during the Q and a, I got to bust out a thousand pushups. So while people are asking questions, I'm just ripping pushups.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'd have to prepare myself for that. But I do like the idea of having people ask questions and just rip and pushups on stage with a headset. And then as they finish their questioning, I can pop up and just be like, I'm glad you asked and then answer the question to the live audience. Bro, that's so hard. I start preparing myself for it. But I mean, it's really, you know, it's 110 times in an hour.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I would catch it sometimes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So if I practice, I think I could bust it out. How many do you think you can get now in an hour? Not a lot right now. I'm pretty weak, but I could start doing modifieds on stage. If I started doing modifieds, they'd count.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It would just be a free form Q and a it's, and there's no, nothing, no thing driving it where I don't want to argue. I don't want to fight and fuss with people. It would just be, they could ask whatever question they want, bring up any, I think you're going to want to direct it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
If you're doing a pushup, that's that actually, you know what? You're totally right. Cause I, I did a Jeremiah walk and stand up on the spot recently. And people will just be like tires. Talk about that. I can't do stand up about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I told you, they did inadvertently do that. They blocked MTV and they just left BET. They didn't know it existed. So that was the only music channel I had. Oh, they cattle-shooted you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Dude, I tried to do that. I was like, yep, I'm on the news. I'm watching the news. This is all I'm doing. And I just scrolled. I did the death scroll on X. And it's like, dude, you feel like schizophrenic when you get off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Fucking horrific. My algorithm is like secrets women don't tell men and I read those threads nonstop.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I get those, and I get, like, there's new accounts that take, like, Andrew Tate-type teachings, but it's, like, they pretend it's from a hot lady. And it's, like, a weird kind of digital femdom. You can get, like, red-pilled through, like, a fake hot lady being, like, never eat a woman out. Women never respect you if you do that. They must submit. It's pretty sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's from a hot lady saying that? I could just be an Indian guy, but it is a, it's the pictures of hot ladies. That's all you need. Sometimes you need an Indian guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
i'm telling you i got any guy all like deep in my head right now just pretending to be a girl just telling me all the stuff i gotta do to maintain frame and i'm like telling myself it's from like a hot lady telling me this and i'm just like how are you what do you know what else you have to do to maintain frame other than not eat not go down on them never eat the india that's no offense to them that's gotta be a pretty fucking easy rule to follow true not a lot of oral going on over there
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He was a little active. Yeah, I just don't like the bulging eyeballs. I just, when I was being a kid, being like, fuck, this show is bugging me out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I doubt. Yeah, I doubt. Although, dude, I don't know, man, if you put me in the swirl of that, dude, I mean, just as vibrant, just vibrant spices and stuff. I could like get used to it. I get I could just get totally lost in the dizzying aromas.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And did they complain the whole time?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It would have been warranted to be like, dude, you're stinking. Smelled terrible. It is nice, though, because if I get a fat Uber driver, it's easy to tip them in. I just don't know. I like to get them kind of complaining a little bit. So all you got to do is be like, fuck is that guy? And they'll just start a fat complaint spaz. This guy drives like a fucking ass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Dude, I'd be complaining. I mean, for real, if you're carrying all that extra stress on your joints, it's like, that's like a serious form of just kind of like a stress reduction. You just got to start to complain and be like, fuck me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Cause you're only getting fatter every day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
yeah, true. American fat has like a chemical component to it. It's like, it's no, there's no, it was like vaginal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. It's like fish. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
not much dude just fucking uh that's all i have to report i got an uber with a fat guy that's good a stinky fat smell for real is i i would do yeah i would do the streets of calcutta any day over like a hard even like a vague fat smell that i'm like is that what's going on yeah i've been looking for the drones i've acute my eyes peeled out here talk to me i talked to an alien guy
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Sick. It was a pure happenstance. I was like, yeah, I'll talk to an alien guy, James Fox. He did. He did. Like, he was actually a big time alien guy. I didn't know he was like he did like multi ton of documentaries. He sold to like different networks. Fucking blew my mind, dude. He was talking about, you know, about Camp Penis in Brazil. Camp penis? It's Camp Peñas in Vagina, Brazil.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I've been hated. I've been dabbling in animation right now, and I've always told the animators, like, none of that Ren and Stimpy bullshit, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I swear to God. Camp penis is in Vagina, Brazil. It's something like Vagina, Brazil. And dude, he was talking about the UAPs and he just hit the fucking Camp Peñas.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But, yeah, he was a man. People fucking grabbed this, like, alien craft crashed in Brazil, and this guy tried to touch the alien to, like, bring him down. And two people who touched the aliens died, according to James Fox. I mean, I went in UAP totally agnostic, and now I totally believe, dude. The truth is definitely out there somewhere.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So, yeah, the UAPs are having a moment right now. That's what I'm all about, just people having moments. LaMera's having a moment right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He did KT. Lemaire did KT. Oh, nice one. And it went where? Only two weeks ago.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
True. Possibly a bow tie.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it's on YouTube. And a guy went on there with just his hair was so fucked up. It was funny. He was doing the straight, like, grade school comb down, but he was losing it. So it was just, like, lines that he then took, like, some sort of marker mascara to, like, Cover this up. Dude, he was like he walked out and people literally laughed. It was a mothership full of people laughed on site.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Still had no idea. He's no clue. He's just like, OK, cool. And he starts doing his jokes. And and then we just started, you know, we're just like fucking with him. And then Tony convinced him to shave his head. So he actually shaved his head in between the things. And he looked great. He came out. It was like a really nice moment.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He totally did. And it was, dude, it was like, totally. It was, I, I, you know, I'm like, okay, I can't really see it. Obviously I'm straight as hell, but it's like, he was so right. He was so right. And it was like a nice moment where I think he like changed this guy's life. And then the dude, he was like, yeah, come back in a month. We'll check back in with you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
The dude signed up for the very next week. So, you know, those episodes don't air right away. So he comes out, gets in the bucket pool. Which, you know, it was just everyone's like, I was rigged. But it's like, why would he pick that guy twice? Because it didn't it didn't air. So no one knew what this guy was talking about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So he was just like, by the way, to after he's on Kill Tony changes his Instagram to like whatever his name is on Kill Tony. So it's like it's just like his whole life now. He comes out on Kill Tony the next week beating like one to three hundred odds. And just as like talking about his shaved head and the whole crowd's like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Because he's not really funny at all. He just completely blew it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Lemesie's having a moment, dude. He did that. He was on stand-up on the spot. Lemesie is totally having a moment right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You got to put the boulder behind him, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I got to do a bar crawl tonight. Billy Brook is like skateboarding. Not my fault. So, yeah, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Bar crawl will be sick. My plan is to eat a weed gummy to slow myself down. But we'll see.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He told me it was fucking the other room and it's haunted.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You're like an old farmer on his plot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't fuck with old houses. I don't like them, man. They freak me out. I don't like old houses. I like them when someone else is here. True. Yeah, that's kind of nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Until they get gripped by their ankles and ripped out of bed. You're like, dude, you got to go. Don't joke about that, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But my garage has become the basement. I got to, at the end of the night, check if the garage door is shut.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I get scared looking into my garage. It's scary. There's definitely a guy fucking waiting in here the whole time. I open the garage and it's like, you know, you just see stuff in the dark. I hear you, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it'll be sick, man. It'll be right in time for the chilly weather right into the warm.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Excited to have you back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
How was that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He's good. He's a beggar.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He's got that glove money.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That does. I see him as a glove guy, though. That suits O'Connor. Driving gloves.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
O'Connor, he decided to really just kind of get into his whiteness today.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He's a New Englander, dude. You know what I mean? He is. Three-quarter zip, golf glove.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I can see that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You got to join the equestrian club and just menace him on the horse while he golfs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Just putting it to get your shirt off and just be like, Kirby, don't miss.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I have the hair for it. Here's my thing. If I were black, I would talk. Like, really black. You know what I mean? I don't know. I always feel bad. What are you trying to say to Sidney? I wasn't allowed. You can do whatever you want.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I was watching him. I thought he was pretty cool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You get, if you just got the gallop by him on a fence, like, Ooh,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, dude, enjoy the holidays, and I'll be excited to have my fucking... I'm back to doing nothing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You needed that, dude. You needed a moment. It was great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's crazy when you take time off and you blow your mind. You're like, dude. You're like, yo, porn rules.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I guess I was benchmarked. Urkel set a hard benchmark.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
if you take time off it for real like blows you get like 7th grade brain on porn if you like just really take time off you're like oh shit I think that lady's having an orgasm yeah it's pretty cool so I got that going for me nice man other than that dude the big deal for me is Friday heading out to Notre Dame dude it's gonna be sick and I'll have a guest with me
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
True, yeah, he did. I read a thing recently with Urkel. He gave an interview about how he says that he's not included in the pantheon of black entertainment as Urkel.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'll be there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I know. I think I'll be there at 4P.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Either way, I'm going to have my long undies on because it's going to be 17 degrees. It's going to be so cold. Definitely long undies. I'm excited, bro. I can't wait. It'll be fun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You'd have to. That would be actually sick as fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
true um all right i'll let you go all right bro good talking to you man i'm gonna go get some dinner and uh dude it was great talking to you and i'll have back my you know i'll be able to stop meeting people which you know not my favorite thing to do in the world i've had to meet people all month not the best of that but uh 2025 we're back it's just fucking didn't we put out like a best of
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We're good. We're covered. We're good until the new year, dude. Then we'll just fucking rip.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Exactly. That's all I think about now. Let's just put out the best of again for this year, like the old one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We should.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He said fine, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's something like that, yeah. It's something bad. Lemaire just had one of those. I had two. I've had them before, too. Everyone's getting cysts. I didn't have one for a while. I've cleaned up my ass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it's a wake-up call. If you and Lemaire's assholes are up to the same thing, you've got to start switching it up. You've got to figure something out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
People weren't buying it. People were like, go back to the nerd character. But no, he was saying, like, if they say the all-time great black shows, it's like Martin, blah, blah, blah. And he was like, no one mentions Family Matters. That's wild. Because the Cosby show gets mentioned. And he tried to say it was because of, like... I don't know. He was like, it was because of the, like, family vibe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I don't know how I feel about it. Everyone is celebrating. I mean, I'm like, I get that. But I'm like, is that ultimately the best move to be like, yeah, dude. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
How did he do that without putting his credit card in? I thought that'd be, like, the most traceable. Like, if you took a lime scooter away, they'd be like, yeah, there it is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, the city bike getaway is pretty crazy. Yeah. But I think he's probably not the first guy to get away from a crime like you were saying on the city bike. But I wonder how people hack those. That's kind of nuts. People can hack lime scooters, too. You can hack a lime scooter and do burnouts on it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I would like going into other people's hotel rooms.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But yeah, the Cosby show gets mentioned all the time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It would be a J.K.S.A.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Just choke him. Let him pass out when I wake up. Just fucking kidding, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I didn't fuck your ass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
fucking jerk you i jerked you a little bit just to make it believable stop crying though yeah that would be terrifying i'm like always ready for that to happen in a hotel room get jerked a little no i'm already i'm trust me i'm taking care of that but i'm covering my bases with that but that's your right whistle you're already pre-jerked so no one's getting me up dude i've depleted myself but the uh
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it is way more family vibe. Yeah, I don't know. He must be... He's bullshitting, then.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, like, I just hear, like, doors slam, and I always assume it's mine. I'm always like, ugh. Yeah. I'm, like, ready for someone to try to bum rush me. Do you ever have, like, the staff knock on your door? Is that what bum rushing is? Like, getting your butt rushed? Bum? I don't know. That's a good question. Or maybe bums of the old, you know, bums of the old times just rushing you. Like, argh.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He's just... He is... I don't know. I feel like... I know white people loved Family Matters. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
For sure. I think it's a, even consensually is a big fear among men. But the, I think the, it's got to be a military term, if I had to guess.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Maybe. Maybe. Yeah. Okay. I want to show them what the fuck is coming down here. What's it mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it's a hobo.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That was the Jack Black book, were bums. I didn't talk about bum Russian. But they used to do a thing where they would take migrant farmers, they would, like, catch guys coming off of a... Like, getting onto a railroad from, like, working in, like, Utah for a summer farming, and then you'd have all your wages for the entire season.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And they'd have, like, homeless... They were called, like, the hobos, or, like, the tramps. They called them yeg men back then. Yeah. Which was because the Chinese people, when they saw homeless guys, would call them yek. They'd go...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And then, for real, you go to the Chinese people and they kind of have some food and they're like, yeah, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But they, you know, whatever. But they would, like, catch people who worked. Imagine working for a whole summer, having all your money from that summer, and then a guy just coming into your, like, train cart being like, give me your fucking dough.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And well, the railroad guys would be in on it, too, because they would team up with the bombs. The bomb would be like, show me, give me, let me in the room and I'll split it with you. And then they would take all your money and just like you're like an immigrant farmhand. They would just kick you off the next stop and you just end up in North Dakota with no money. You're stuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Back then you were like there was no start walking. So go on me. That's just where you live from then on. And you had to just like pray to God that you didn't die.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's crazy. I didn't know that. I knew they had a word that was close.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And then they, when they finally get their word. Three times, the genie Shaq.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I love Shaq, bro. Yo, Shaq. I'm happy he's getting paid. Papa John is crazy. Him doing the Papa John. I still can't get over that. Papa John said the N-word. Next thing I know, Shaq just has like a million dollars. Summed him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't know the exact detail. So what was he just. So I saw the Black Lives Matter guy being like he was that clip. I will say it's very sad, but he was like, they're going to choke us for being loud.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Anything else. Politely turning is good. That's not working. Yeah, dude, but I don't know. What was the details? Was he threatening somebody?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And the struggle sort of... It's like a white belt fucking spaz.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Hold on. So the guy died in a wrestling match?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So he was trying to hold on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
If you're going to go nuts on the subway, you've got to be rassle ready. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it's like, you know, I don't know. He didn't shoot the guy. He rassled him. Right. So it's like, that is not great. But it's also like, dude, here's my thing. If there's a homeless white guy who's being a dickhead on the subway and someone rassled him and he died. I wouldn't even blink.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'd be like, all right, fucking later, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You weren't rass already. Some of them do go that way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it's just, they disintegrate and, like, blow into the... Yeah, I mean, again, I don't really see... For me, it's like... I don't know, man. He was popping off. Yeah. He was popping off and he got rassled.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He played the game. He got rassled. It's a dangerous game. I mean, if he was like fucking physically choking the guy out, I don't know. Here's the thing. If a guy's going on like threatening women, what was the threat? That's a detail.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He was playing a game of life and death. That's rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Throw your head. It is so funny for a guy to be like, yeah, all right, I'm going to fucking choke this guy out. But he might have been getting in people's faces. My thing is, say he did swing and punch a lady in the face. If it was building up to that. Yeah. There was an old Asian lady that was only a matter of time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think that's a it's a problem. But it's like to build that into like a social injustice. I'm like, nah, man, that's a fucking crazy homeless guy who got wrestled.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
On the train. He died. That's not like a systemic... I mean, again, the guy... I think that's where the public is going to go with it, too. Yeah, I don't think... Nobody really... The guy got off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He fucked around.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You think so?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm in for it. I saw a post recently that was like their shooters and it was Kyle Rittenhouse and they're like our shooters and it was like ripped insurance guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. That's so sus. True. That is kind of weird. I did see a lot of the Italians should be ashamed of themselves. I saw a lot of my Italian compatriots being like, we're back, baby. It's like, don't. We up. That's disgusting. Don't put that on the pedestal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
There's not a part of you that's like, yeah, let's go. Yeah. I mean, it's cool, but it's like, I don't know. I don't know anything about that guy, the CEO of healthcare. Insurance companies are fucking brutal, but I don't know enough about that guy to be
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't empathize with the guy at all. I get it. I do get it. But I'm going, damn, dude, if a bunch of people start CEO spazzing. That's fucking... What would that look like? Let us replace him with other CEOs. And all those guys who are shooting people... It's going to be the worst job in the world.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I have a family. Here's my problem with it. All those dudes would love to also be a CEO who are shooting CEOs. They're like, yo, dude, we're going to put you corner office a million dollars a year. They're going to be like, well, yeah, sweet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Well, it's going to be CEO. There's going to be so much security now. Like, schools need people with guns, CEOs, you know. Yeah, my school just had a lockdown. He was lacking. Yeah. Lacking like a moth.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Dude, I couldn't agree more. You can't be fucking lacking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Every time I take my trash out, I'm not packing, but I'm walking around just being like, I'm always ready for the bum rush. It's just unfortunate reality, but I am for real. Anytime I take the trash out at night, I'm like... What? You're saying couldn't be me? Couldn't be, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Never me. Must it be me?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I still like when I open the door, I kind of will peek. That's how you get someone. You open the door. Wow.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Kind of like look out. See who it is. I'm not. It can't be me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I mean, I could get got. Anyone can get got. But I'm really trying not to get got like that. Roger kids school get locked down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I was around the same time as Family Matters. I knew Three's Company was like, black people love that show. Jack Tripper. I've never seen that either. When I worked for the labor union, I was constantly just hearing about Jack Tripper. Because I lived with my ex-wife and her mother. They'd be like, Jack Tripper, damn, bro. Jack Tripper. I was a wild bull. No, I'm not.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
A little rain date.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm going to come back on a Wednesday and shoot the school. I got a doctor's appointment I can't miss. I'm supposed to get a lollipop.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm kind of jealous that like the kids of today get to do like lockdown tough in front of the girls. I would wish I had that opportunity to be like, yeah, let that motherfucker come in here, bro. Yeah. I got you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I was born in the wrong era, dude. Yeah. That'd have been so sick. He's rallying the bros. He's like, bro, I'm going to fuck this guy up so bad. You got them all hockey-ing in the room waiting for the door to open. Kiss your cross. Just be like, give me a kiss before I go out to battle, babe. I'm going to go take a shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Nerds now are like Middle Eastern guys after 9-11. You know what I mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What the fuck? There's a note like that. Everyone's looking at every nerd. Yeah, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Oh, you have a bad day, dude? Yeah. Are you going to fess up to what you did?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Are kids getting bullied like that anymore? Or is this just like pure nerd rage? Yeah, I think it's just rage.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's a vibe. Yeah, bullying. It's a vibe. It's just a vibe now. I just felt it. It's a vibe someone gets on. Yeah, this is a viable thing. I can just be the school. There's goths. There's bullies. There's school shooter guys. I'm just going to fucking wild out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's a parent's fault. It's your fucking parent's fault. There's no way, dude. If your kids are like, I'm going to fucking shoot this motherfucker up. It's purely the parents.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, my parents said I can't shoot up a school. Listen to a One Direction album backwards. It's like, do it. Gun loose. It's so annoying. Hopefully this fad dies. Yeah. Has it been one in a while? We're definitely in a slow season, I think. It's been chill or they're just not reporting them. I think they get reported every time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It could be a closed loop system. I don't know because I think there's... The last time I followed it, I got kind of numb to the school shootings. But then I saw there was a lot of, like, involvement from a community. And people would hesitate. The last, like, two, I think, have been Trans Am. So then they took on a thing, and everyone was like, I don't want to talk about this anymore.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I looked it up and I was like, God damn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That was just my, look, I might put a value judgment on it, but I did hear that was going on. And people started being like, let's not talk. This is just uncomfortable.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We've got to drop the new Sonic, dude. For peace. We should just totally state fund the Sonic franchise. If we could put Sonic in a pill and give it to them every day. Otherwise they'd turn pure robotics.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Dude, Sonic is so unbearable to watch, except for people who have autism. It's crazy. You can't pay me enough to watch Sonic, dude. I'm like, I have nothing to do with the movie. I don't know if they think it's good, but it gets them very horny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. I was laughing. I was driving, I think, last night thinking about this, how, like, you know, it takes thousands of years for people to organize themselves, like, with the ability to, like, gather enough resources so they can, like, philosophize and get abstract. Word.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We've gone through, like, the Greek society got themselves, the Romans, and we have, America did that in, like, a pretty short period of time. And it's funny, we're just sitting around us being like, what if I chomped off my penis? What if Sonic was pregnant? It's wasted. Just like so many battles and hardships.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I mean, it's a part of a thriving and robust society. They're a symptom of it. It's not even just them. There's like philosophers of gender studies and there's, you know, there's like other philosophers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
yeah yeah that's like a big thing it's like a it's just like we you know we like handled matter in ancient greek time and now we're up to like what to do with our dicks and pussies like what should we really do with what's the next tip you're always on the next tip what's after this What's after? What to do with our dicks and pussies? I don't know. Or is that it? That's it. We're in the endgame.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That'll be like the static on your satellite dish when you're getting boner. You'll be like, God damn it, I can't fucking remember everything. Fuck, turn it off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Shut it off. Just fuck it up by neural link.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You just get snow. It's like... You're just reciting like every single king of every European country and you're like... Fuck! Hard as hell again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Very tight. It's going to be really fucked up. It will be fucked up. Yeah, I think because it'll never stop because every new invention changes the world a little bit so that you then have a new conception of the world, which leads to new inventions, which new conception. It's a spiral.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's a twin helix.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't know, dude. I think I think people are going to get I think it's already happening where people are getting real into like pseudo farm life.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
people are going to probably dial it down but the new generation is going to get into like a lot of homesteaders on youtube yeah it's going to be that for a while but with the neural link i don't know how to grow my crowd i don't know i honestly don't know i think we'll get we will get over like the whole kind of like the argument's not even so much like the physical chopping off your penises and stuff it's like does your penis actually define you as like an identity that's the question it's a deep philosophical question you know i would say my personality is much bigger than my penis
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, but that's the question of our time. It's one of them. Does your genitalia actually have... Is there a reality that the type of genitalia you have dictates the way you'll be in some sense? Or is it totally a blank slate?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Victim of his own success, you're saying?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
There is a wormhole. There's a quick... If you're getting that much pussy as he was probably getting, you can easily hit a wormhole and go full gay. I agree that it isn't his fault in that regard. If you have your fourth... I mean, what's the most- That's Nirvana.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, true. So you slip them a little.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Sign them and do it later.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Because that was like the Cool Boarders era, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't know, Puff. I'm about to hit the 1080. Yeah, that's a fair point. It's like, you know, but again, there was all the deception, you know, with like the drugging potentially.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What wasn't invented at that time was period. So you remember like period. So it wasn't like full stop. Yes, exactly. Full stop. We didn't have that yet. That technology wasn't invented. We didn't talk to the hand. No one talked to the hand. That was just to slow somebody down. Yeah, yeah. You can move right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's a yellow light. Talk to the hand. What's a yellow light? Yeah, it's a yellow light. And then you can be like, as if.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We didn't know how to say no back then. It didn't exist. Dude, the word the, you know the word the is unique to, I think, Western languages. Not all. I think there might be some other cultures that have the word the or some equivalent to it. But there's a lot of other cultures that don't have the.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And the word the allows you to bring other verbs and adjectives into a noun state and abstract things that other cultures can't do. You're making me furious right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, no, think about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I refuse to think about that. Good is an adjective, but you can say the good, and it turns into like a noun that you can kind of abstract and kind of think like, what is the good? What is good actually? I thought it was kind of sick. So Eastern languages don't have the? Some, I don't think some do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, he wasn't supposed to be in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They didn't know it. It just wasn't there. Just like we just learned no, for real, in 2020. We didn't know what it was. But yeah, dude, they don't have the. That fucking freaked me out. Native Americans were like all verbs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, that is funny too. That was like a show, a compelling plot to be like, you can't live in here with two women by yourselves.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I kind of like that. I don't know. How sick is the though, dude? How sick is the? That's pretty sick. I was just bugging out on that the other day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's like I. I is like crazy. That's me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Only in, what was that, like 1990? No, that was much earlier. 80s? Had to be 80s.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, but that's different. That's a collective. The is just like that thing. That thing over there. What about dat? Dat right there? What about dat?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It is. So it is suck. Like it sucks because you're are like, you know, we're all organisms seeking pleasure. And it does like to have that like, no, you have to just be like, you're going to stop your whole horny body and be like, fine.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Curse you and your evil smells. What is the no even anyway? Let's bring this into the abstract realm.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think a landlord doesn't want you living by yourself with two women, as you shouldn't.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
This no you speak of, what is it? Jesus Christ. God damn it, dude. All right. Well, I think we did it. Where are we at here? About, oh, only 50. What are we at here? We got plenty of time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Oh, an hour and a half. I'm looking at that video going, what the hell? That's been definitely an hour. I could feel it in my bones. Feel it in my motherfucking bones. What do you guys have? Anything burning on your minds you want to talk about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Did you hear about the lady who had sex with 100 men? The OnlyFans lady? Oh, yeah. She made a documentary.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. How old were you? Was it like four or two? Was it? How old were the kids? Like four or two?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. Also, little kids, if you're like, you got to piss your pants, it's not that off the table.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
yeah that second grade is crazy but if you're talking like four or two year old four is a little much but two two year olds will piss don't give a fuck dude yeah i know they're on their like chloe's on her potty uh potty training right now but like if i were to be like i'm gonna wait till you pee your pants she'd be like all right pussy you just pee your pants bet fuck you change them bitch dude having to change all those kids at once must have sucked
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What would you rather do, change 18 kids' peed pants or have 100 guys have sex with you? He had piss in his eyes? He was crazy. That's a lot of piss. That's more piss than a hundred cums.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's very dense. It's like a medieval tavern.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Here's the thing. You never get to see the end of that. You know, it's like if you see that kind of thing, you're like, oh. You never get to see, like, the real kind of final act.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
There were no 100 cums in medieval times. That was one. You don't think so?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They'd have to burn the village down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That was like, you get like two. Throw torches on your thatched roofs. Yeah, you'd be out by yourself. Dude, if you had a medieval guy smell 100 combs, they would like fall to their knees. And be like, my God.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
True, everything did smell.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Do you think medieval people smelled their cum? Like they would bust a load and be like... Taste it. Yeah. My God. Because it probably wasn't gay in medieval times to taste your cum.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, true. You know what I mean? Like there wasn't like a thing being like, that's when guys suck each other. They didn't know about that. So they're probably like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't think you could. I mean, I think that was like crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That'd be such a sick use of a time machine to travel through time and call people gay and just see how they react and take notes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Walk like a gay ass woman.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Then be like, excuse me? And you'd have to explain, like, no, I think I'm accusing you of having sex with another man. Like, it would freak them out. They couldn't even conceptualize it. Just hit him with a 69.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They're still eating rabbits and shit. Dude, that'd be so funny. That'd be pretty wild. There's that guy, I can't stop watching his videos on YouTube, where he has a convenience store on the south side of Chicago, and he does gay. He, like, calls, like, he'll, like, just do, like, gay. He'll insinuate that black dudes are gay, and dude...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
When you're like, I'm going to end my sentence with my brother, I'm like, why don't you every time?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, they could have been like, let's get the numbers, dude. You get the insurance claim. Someone's going to jail for that. You hit the fucking. Yeah. You run into the motherfucking snacks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. You can't crunch snacks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's going to be a big thing, though, of convenience stores. It is a funny idea. Because the convenience stores is like, you know, a convenience store in the hood, you're making what? Like maybe a thousand bucks a day? I knew someone who ran a convenience store in like, I don't know, wherever the fuck it was, like, like Oak Lane somewhere.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They were like breaking down like the numbers of the convenience store. It wasn't crazy. They were like, you make a living, but like you can make way more. My whole point is you can make way more doing the streams. So if you're using the convenience store just for the streams, you probably can make way more.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
she was like it's not for me but i could see it being for other apparently apparently inside the room uh the production were gagging because like there were the smell of cum was so like there was so much cum that it was like that's i didn't think i've never thought about that that's disgusting yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, true. But it's also, but they're coin rich, which is sick. That is cool. Being coin rich is nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Scrooge McDuck. Always want to see that. Being coin rich is actually kind of nice, so. Just to hear it, ch-ch-ch-ch. You don't even have a money counter. You just have like a coin, one of those coin counters, a coin star in your house.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's saving your change.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I did. I didn't like the grocery store ones because they did take their cut. I'd always be like, yeah, motherfuckers. But TD Bank had Penny Arcade that was free if you had a TD Bank account.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Did you really? Hell yeah. One time I got close enough where they gave me a hat or some bullshit. Damn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I kind of lumped my quarters up in a way to give me an educated guess. Dude, what are we, fucking psychic? How the hell are we going to know how many coins we have?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Also, you know what's sick? Saving ones. Save all your ones. And after like a month, dude, you're like, holy fuck, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm always using my phone. I was always jealous of those guys. Could be like, here, I'm going to give you this. Give me back the whole dollar. And I'd always be like, how did you fucking do that, Matthew? That fast? That's crazy. That's a baller move. I was always like, yeah, you win. Here's your dollar. I don't know how this works. I don't even know if I gave you the right change.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But yeah, here you go.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What are you working with? Where'd you get that change from? Did you fly with that change, or did you break a bill?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Let's get that change.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I just saw a second little bit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
$2.25? I'm going to go with one cent.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
i'll be honest like look do what you want but like having that 100 100 knee deep in the cum cistern 100 100 loads and like did they all not
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I got that second look. I said that's about $2. That's in the $2 range. That was all quarters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. Yeah. You see one of those mechanical horses, you're like, I'm feeling like riding today. Yeah. Getting a tiny fire engine at the supermarket.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'll get $180 on that thing. Look, I don't care what you say on this podcast. Don't act like I won't ball out on a power car, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You're crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I actually just got balled out on a power card the other day. Okay. No, it was some other type of, like a similar bowling arcade place. And a lot of the machines weren't working. I almost wanted to talk to somebody. Like, dude, what the fuck kind of operation you're running here?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, power card is fucking janky as hell.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Well, get someone who can. Try to play four-way ping pong with my four-year-old daughter.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Dude, I get pissed when I put the puck down. A dead spot?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it is upsetting. No, customer service sucks now. It's crazy. Yeah. It's so fucking bad. Almost everywhere you go. I'm astonished. If someone's like just even mildly pleasant, I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah. To become a CEO, you want to get shot, dude. Be careful, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, customer service is taking a hard nosedive.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think those guys actually do get shot a lot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
By the bad men. Yeah, shooting a cashier is crazy. Yeah, but they be tripping. They sometimes act like you can't shoot them. I think the guys who shoot them come in being like, I'm going to shoot this motherfucker and take all his money. The cashiers do pop off. They pop off too much. I mean, think about it. You are like the power of money just flows through you all day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I've seen those videos where they shoot guys that come up behind 7-Eleven. They blast them. It's just 40,000 comments like, that's what you get. Yeah. That's what you get. It's like, yeah, I mean, it's a dangerous game.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So some of the guys didn't come. I'm assuming. Man, they probably pulled off to the side and finished. Those are the real victims here. You're like guy 45. They're also crying here. Some guys are probably just enjoying it. You're a guy 45 and you just get to, like, wet your pen. You're like, all right, get out of here. That's nuts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
True. Throw some fucking taquitos at him just scalding hot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Like a medieval torture. They should have the cheese barrels just come down. Oh, that would be so sick. Like when castles have tar.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Defend the line. Come out, the hood goes crazy on you, dude. You have to barricade yourself in there. Yeah, if you can't be an armed robber, you get killed. That's live by the sword, die by the sword. Yeah, pretty honorable. Yeah, I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just fucked up, but I don't get riled up. All the stuff people get riled up about online, I just see it and I go, okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm in the mode. It's all an abstraction. I don't know that guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I just watch that shit and I'm like, I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's for real like a mental disease. But then there's like the thing, but then there's the spaz about the reaction because the Black Lives Matter guy was calling for black vigilantes. And then people are like, can you fucking believe this? And it's like, oh, yeah, it's all the same. Shut up. It's people spazzing out. People in bots. You're all dipping in the same punch bowl. Exactly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So, well, actually, we're upset now. We're deeply offended. And it's like, dude, get the fuck out of here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Go take a walk. Get a fucking life, dude. Get a fucking life, dude. Get a fucking life. It's not going to, I don't know. It's just that shit fucking bothers me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, do something, man. Just go fucking, I don't know, do something else and read it. I can't believe a lot of it's fake, but I really, I think people are genuinely reading it and like engaging and freaking out and being like, oh, fucking, this is fucking bullshit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, Facebook Marketplace is kind of nice. Some characters there. Yeah, it's kind of nice. I went off of Facebook for the longest time, and I went back on here and there because people are like, oh, I messaged you on Facebook. And every time I go back on there, I'm like, oh, my God. It feels like a ghost town to me. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You feel the breeze on your wet penis as you're walking back to put your shorts on. That would be funny, just mashing your half-heart bird into this lady for two minutes. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? Yeah, nobody talks about the hundred guys. Let's examine the road that led me here. Yeah, no one talks about how the 100 guys are equally as problematic as a lady.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. Facebook's crazy. I can't believe it's still going on. There's nothing happening. Yeah, man. It's a dead zone. How's the comedy, Philly Comedy Network on Facebook? Is that still people spazzing out?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I haven't checked.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I'm out of here. I might go back to the Philadelphia Comedy Network and start some sort of multi-level marketing comedy thing. I was like, you guys want a big podcast? You might have to get in line.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I have internet lessons and have people sign up and just rip. Dude, I like the Hawk Tua thing, too. The coin?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Hawk Tua released her own cryptocurrency and then just... She rug pulled them. You think she rug pulled?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't believe that's any, I can't believe those. I think it's got to be a bot. Yeah. Although, you'd be surprised. There's people probably like, it's a no-brainer. Yeah, the same.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
The Beanie Baby people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. Like, I'm going to tank this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't know how that works, but you would need your own independent blockchain for that? Or is that just like, what even is it? Nobody knows. I think it's people Venmoing you their money, and you're like, oh, look.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Now we're talking. That's old and busted. Is it really? That's dusty. Talking your meme coin into an NFT. Yeah. I never understood that. People are like, no, you can just start one. You can do like a picture. Then you like sell it for $30,000. Yeah. I never understood that. I can agree. No one's paying $30,000 for anything I can produce.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
For like a drawing or something or an internet. That'd be crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Meme coin, rug pull. I promise you won't rug pull.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's the whole point of this. No, you have to promise that you won't, though. Oh, right. I definitely won't. Then I will.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You're there when they, like, pop the confetti. They're trying to, like, cheer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Shout out Zilla, yeah. Yeah, it is. I mean, again, it's like I've no disrespect to the Tua, but it's like... It's like a non-product. It's like an offshoot of like a weird... Like there's no real value.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We're in the new phase. Yeah. We just want to like monetize weird personalities and just be like, fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm hungry.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Let's go munch. I'm starving. You guys fucking rule. Thank you so much.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What else can I do, dude?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Your dick gets to, like, break through a little tape.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
This is the industry. How bad do you want it? Now we're just going to chill and play some basketball at my house. Life's going out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, shirts and skins.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Tonight's naked basketball for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm telling you, man. I'm trying to get my status.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm trying to defeat no in my life as well. That's the point of it. Enjoy the room.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, that's guy 100. There's got to be a guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's dumping water on itself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
There's got to be a guy who calls that. Someone has to call that. There's got to be a guy walking in, like, flicks a cigarette on the ground. He's like, I'll go last.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Watch this. This is my 45th one. It's like a marathon bumper sticker on his car. He's 100. I love being guy 100.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, that's kind of like insane to be like, yeah, I'm going to sign up and do that. I'm going to be like the 40th guy or first lead off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, her eyes widen. Oh, apparently her eyes were sore. They were coming on her eyes, apparently. Holy... Yeah, apparently her eyes were sore from just... They were laden with... This is crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. I mean, it's not ideal, right? I'm not trying to ring the moral alarm, but I'm like, it's just not a good use of time and resources.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think it was in an hour. That was kind of the impressive part, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, here's my thing. I'm like, I don't think any girl wants to have sex with 100 guys. I think most girls don't even want to have sex with one guy. Good guys. Yeah. Who are there every day. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Pay the bills. Girls don't want to have sex with one guy. Most of you love their life. He's a great father to their kids.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I totally have sex with 100 guys. A very patient and calm father. I might show my wife that. She had sex with 100 guys. I'm asking for a handjob, dude. Maybe two more of my friends. I'd be impressed if she gave 100 guys a handjob. I would say that's impressive, and I salute you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That I could get into.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I mean, at one point, your arms would get so tired, you would need, like, prosthetic assistance.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So you could get, like, robo-braces.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You wouldn't eat the mech suit eventually. But yeah, that's a shame. That's a shame that that's become like a viable path. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No. OnlyFans is like, I've heard it's like, it's not that crazy for a young woman, a college age woman to be like, yeah, we'll start an OnlyFans, you know, kick some money up on the side.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You can say shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm not going to lie. I'm going to, I think as a parent, you should be monitoring that shit into the early 20s and putting kind of like a kibosh on that. You see, but I think it's sort of like burner accounts, I guess. It's like no having sex with 100 guys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
The black Muslims found out about it. Every Ramadan would come in their gear and just shut it the fuck down. I was always like so jealous they had that. Like, not the breakfast place, but they had Ramadan.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I was like, dude, I want that. I want, like, somebody to be taking me aside. Is there no water, though, too, during the day? I don't know. There's no way, dude, in Muslim countries they do no water. I swear. That's cat. That's turban. That's turban.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
If you're in hot sand, if you dig your feet under the surface sand, you can get through. When you go down to the beach in shoes, you're literally crushing the vibe for every single person enjoying the big... What the fuck is this guy doing here? It's so unwelcome. I try to make up for it with my other beach activities. You know, I get right into the surf.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
i didn't know that water i mean unless you're sick or fucking traveling yeah yeah oh shit i didn't know that yeah so the no water would really suck ass yeah it's also you can do like a no water fast too and like dry fasting that fucks you up i've done 24 hours no water whatsoever and it's like it's kind of i don't really recommend yeah why'd you do that i don't see what it's like a similar thing it's like good for you just to dry out for a second you do get kind of like cut too
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
If you go no water for 24 hours, you're as ripped as you can possibly get in that timeframe. But dude, I did 60 hours of fasting. I had a good like three days or so in autophagy. So I'm like feeling pretty good. Your mind, you get like, you do get like mental benefits.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
yeah like you're just calm you are like you're a little tense from not eating like is it makes your body produce cortisol but like dude if say like just say you're like in the kitchen with your wife first thing in the morning you don't really love her attitude or whatever yeah she'll start and like you're just like you're it's like irritating she's talking to you and you're going autophagy is in complete control normally the cells that would make me yell right now i've been consumed by autophagy
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But there's something, it does something to your mind and you're kind of able to like, just kind of like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's true. It's true. And you're like, how could you possibly be making me think about this? Like, I haven't eaten in two fucking days. I'm starving.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Oh, that shit I bought? Yeah, you're right. My bad for eating that. Oh, that shit you were going to leave in the fridge? You mean my stuff? I mean, my thing that I is mine. That meal you would have left in the fridge for seven days and thrown it out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
So I was like two days in, 48 hours in just Friday.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yes. I made pancakes one time, and that really fucked me up. You just want a bite, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I just want a bite, dude. I got to test them and see if my recipe is still hitting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You won't be an autophagy, but you could still be a keto.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You can have 18 pancakes. Autophagy, keto, and then you get back down to it. But, dude, I... It was sick, man. Did you jack off? Did I jack off? Yeah, during the fast. I got caught jacking off. Oh, no. Did this lead to the hunger strike? No, no, no, no. I got caught like eight hours into the fast jacking off in the shower.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I don't want to bother you. I spun it into some AZZ. Oh, nice. Wizardry, yeah. Yeah, just trying to be polite. Didn't want to bother you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I'll do frisbee. I'll do paddle ball. You're good at the beach. You're good, yeah. Get me down to the sand that the water's hit already. I feel like you died on this hill unnecessarily.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
didn't you're fasting you know i'm a muslim brother no no yeah it was it was we were getting around that time and you know that my muslim brothers back in the day would have put her in her separate quarters too yeah so she was she was nearing that crucial time it's crazy women spend half of their life pre-menopause or or their period half their life they're rocked from a period yeah two weeks out of the month bro
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Mm-hmm. It's crazy. Mm-hmm. What are we doing with science, dude? I don't know. I think they have figured out a way to get rid of it. Birth control, but that makes them eat weirder in another way. Yeah, yeah. It makes them just cry. Just pick your poison, dude. They're kind of fucked, dude. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Like, that book I'm reading about the girls disappearing and the men disappearing from the girls, it makes you, like, it is a thing. Like, dude, it would be so sad if all the girls disappeared.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's like, it'd be so sad, even though, like, they're on some bullshit a lot of the time. Yeah, think about, like, year two. They do come out with the sex robots in the book.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, the sex robots came out pretty quickly. This was written like the 50s. You can plug them into the wall, keep them hot. If all the women disappeared, there would be that Kennedy speech. What? Why choose to go to the moon? Why choose this as our goal? It would be, oh, yeah. The speed at which sex robots would be up to speed is unbelievable.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, we'd be like, Elon, stop with all the fucking spaceships and shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
King nerd, king autist. Although, Kanye's claiming autism, too, now. It's kind of the power move. If you're a billionaire, you'd be like, oh, by the way, I'm autistic, so if I do nice shit, Kanye claimed autism when he first got in trouble.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That's fair. It's a good point.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Bryce came out, yeah. It's so funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
yeah that was an embarrassing it's so funny for dana white having to like corral a bunch of ufc fighters press like releases it's so funny like dana what do you think about the guy who thinks hitler's cool he's got to be like which one are you talking about i have yeah yeah i have 10 of those guys yeah there's a lot of them
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Who cares? I mean, he's a classic victim to a YouTube documentary. He watched it and was like, oh my God, I'm the carrier of the truth. I must.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
What happened? Well, first of all, who's my boy? You say Netanyahu, I'm going to flip the table. No, no, no.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Oh, yeah, I saw something on X. Well, I guess the Riviera's on the Mediterranean. I saw the X. I know what you mean, though. I saw the X about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Hold up. What if it does kind of rule when they come back? Like you come back, dude. Just a Gravitron on the beach.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I'm just saying, not everyone who wears sneakers on the beach is an asshole.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Standing there doing some soul searching. Maybe it was a ship going with this. And mini golf.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Also, too, it's Ramadan. You're on the water slide. You got to keep your lips pursed.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, that's pretty wicked. Yeah, it was crazy. To kick them off. And then, you know, because then it's like you get down to like, well, he started it. It's like, well, you know, let's just assume you guys both committed sins. Being like, yo, we're going to make... It's funny to be like, we're going to, you know, essentially...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
genocide and war and then be like, but it's going to be so sick when we're done. It's going to be so cool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yep. He's always been down. Trump's been down with Israel since day one. There's no fooling him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Bernie. Bernie? No, Bernie's obviously swag.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
The squad's anti. Yeah, Casio. But, yeah, I don't know, man. I mean, here's the thing. They have been fighting each other forever. It is none of my business. That's really none of my business.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I'll never go there to either place. So, you know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
sometimes it's culturally acceptable to yeah black people don't like their bare feet on the ground that's you have to respect is that that oh yeah dude so they don't like the sand between their toes not really my wife doesn't like the sand i like it actually like angered me the first time she told me she's like yeah just like i don't like how it gets all over me i was just like what the fuck are you talking about why are you ruining the good thing yeah why are you ruining the best i love the beach it's my favorite thing she's like i just don't sand makes me it just feels gross on my feet i'm like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Oh, like a Dubai cruise. You can go to Dubai and then there. Damn, I can get my Instagram like fucking turban chic shot. It is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Where are they going? Didn't they already, like, bomb that whole area, though?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It would be nuts if all the tunnels turned into, like, cool rides.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You just hear, like, you see a light, like, help!
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
What if they ever bump into each other underground?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I knew you were right wing. I'm sorry. I knew you were right wing. I'm sorry. Yo.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I will say it's not a good... If you're part of a group that has to travel secretly underground, it's not a good look.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
All I'm saying is it means you've got a lot of drama going on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
There's truly that much smoke. It sucks, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, true. Did Trump talk about how oppy it was over there?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, I mean, dude, my thing is, like, I get it. It's not right. They went through and, like, you know, they got attacked. That sucks. I'd be pissed. If I was in Israel, I'd be like, fuck you, they attacked me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
If someone tried to do, like, to take away the terrorist hunting permits after 9-11, you'd be like, get the fuck, get fucked, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
So I get that, but it's like, yeah, once you run up the score so hard, it's like. I mean, we kind of did it. We did this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You know what I'm saying? I don't know if it was as concentrated. I don't know. It wasn't there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
They say they're not. I just hope they stop it, dude. I hope the fucking, you know, resort, it's crazy to come out with it and be like, the resort's going to be so fucking sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
If you build a sick fucking park.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, the park's getting fucked up. I would not.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Dude, you're just cooling in a lazy river. Peeing in a lazy river, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
We'll see. Maybe they're thinking about it in 50 years or so.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, I take my kids away. I'm like, don't listen to me. Trust me. Yeah, that's yeah, that's that's something I've seen. I mean, it's literally goes back to the socks of the water park. Yeah, that's why. That's why they're there, bro. They're not. It's not just it's not like a fashion statement. It's like genuine phobia of just the ground. Yeah. Instilled in them by a paranoid black mother.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah. But, uh, we'll say occupying a six flag with your boys would be sick. Taking it over.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
We've left an amusement vacuum in the Middle East.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
The games are frankly impossible, and I think they're rigged.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
He's supposed to be a peacemaker, dude. I know Mexico now is sending people to the border to secure it. I mean, he's a peacemaker, but at his heart, he's a real estate developer. That was a take I heard. He's a good piece of property.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
All the mistakes he made in Atlantic City will be undone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Hear me out. Hold on. Now, if America steps in and goes, it's neither of yours, all right?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Just holding a sex tape behind his back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And we're going to lease that off to you for a very reasonable rate. Yeah, dude. Give me the Panama Canal, though. Give it back. Yeah, that's ours. Gibbs. Did you ever get into, I could be wrong about this, but did you know like the Panama Canal, like apparently there was like, people were just like machine gunned off of that land before that became a thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I've heard that was like a ruthless one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Thanks, guys. Now our ships can go this way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Pretty ruthless. Yeah. You get 1% of every ship that you make passes through there. Thanks for committing an atrocity on our behalf. Needed to be done though could be wrong about that, but I've heard I think spud told me spud was like the Panama Canal was bloody Yeah, and I how many people died making it wasn't didn't like everyone died.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, they were all getting sick there I think there was like a lot of malaria kind of stuff going on I know they had to send a guy down to be like alright We're not doing anything until we get some tents with mosquito nets going each How many Died making the canal?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But what was the average savings on transporting goods?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Chris, now we're talking money over human life, and I love it. You know? Fair point.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, it's the Gulf of America and the American Canal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Apparently, they really changed it. It is the Gulf of America.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I mean, I guess that's just on our maps.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, that's right. Yeah, do you have to file like a formal... Is there like a document somewhere?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Didn't he sign like bills in an arena? Yeah. I heard he did a thing in an arena where he signed bills in an arena, which is so fucking funny, dude. The marker comes down from the ceiling. Boxing now, too? Yeah. It's getting wild, dude. Have better sex with Blue Chew. Blue Chew is the original brand offering chewable tablets.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That means no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. Personal experience?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I've heard people say it's the hardest they've ever gotten.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
What do you think about them sexualizing those two black guys?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Dania Beach, Florida, please come. It'll be too late by the time you see this, but you better get the fuck out of there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And go to MattMcCusker.com for tickets for all the other places. Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
My whole family did it. Really? Yeah. I've only ever seen you guys in Jordan socks. I believe you. I believe you, though. Well, I'm sorry. Dude, I've only ever seen him in the longest tube socks ever. For sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That was pretty well. Dude, I was like talking about this yesterday. So there was like Trump side was like, well, you guys did all this DEI bullshit. That's why we have a helicopter crash into the plane. And they were like, well, Trump, allegedly, they're saying he dis disbanded the head of the FAA. And then, like, that's why things are crashing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But I'm like, bro, you're telling me the guy, there's a multi-thousand person organization that if you remove the president, planes start crashing? Like, how the fuck does that work?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, it's like, they're like, well, he did that and it fucked everything up. It's like, bro, please. That footage is weird, too. Bro. It's weird footage. And they were talking to him, right? Didn't they try to go like, hey?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
The helicopter was quiet. I heard I don't know if this is true. Someone told me the helicopter was black ops. Like, not, like, trying to hit the plane. That's what they're saying. That was, like, part of a black op operation. You got to land the Black Hawk and restart your headset. It's a black helicopter. It checks out. I don't know. Why would it be black ops? I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
There was, like, running a drill of, like, how to, like, transport people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Like, it was part of, like, a thing that wasn't, like, tapped in with the FAA.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And what was it? They were like, yo, what are you doing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Like, four minutes before they hit, they were like, hey, you're...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
How the fuck did that happen? And then the plane crashed in Philly. That was crazy, dude. I had to fly that weekend. I was shitting myself. You were flying last week.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, he got hit with the debris.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
We finally found Unbreakable. No, everyone was way dead on that plane. The fucking explosion was crazy. Yeah, all that in one week was like, what the fuck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You start manifesting a safe landing. You just manifested a safe landing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
yeah i would i was scared i i had to fly and do like connections and it was just like four flights total on a weekend i was just like bro please for the love of god yeah feel a little turbulence you go yep here it is they got me fuck fuck we saw some eagles that was nice we took a bus from seattle to vancouver we drove there or vancouver to seattle saw like 10 10 bald eagles like an actual flock of bald eagles yeah it was awesome fucking sick
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I saw the drone. The drone was there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Well, dude, it was not that far. If it was a jet, it would be like the water would be moving.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That is my dad's main affliction, though. It's like, think he's seeing birds of prey? I mean, that's a hawk right up there. It's just a fucking transmitter on a power line.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But you gotta watch. As an old white guy, you'll start hallucinating birds of prey.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It happens to my dad all the time. It's so funny. That's a... Cooper tail hawk right there. It's a piece of metal on top of Paraline, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's a crow. It's a crow. It's black. I will say turkey buzzards will get you, but some hawks, turkey buzzards.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Big as hell, though. When they land, you get close to them, they're enormous.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
They're too big. Way bigger.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
How exciting is it, though, when you really see one?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Did you get a full shot of the wingspan? No, it was kind of unnerving. Dude, when I first moved here in Austin, I weirdly... Like my second week, I was just taking a walk at nighttime and I saw this giant bird on this little fence. And I'm like, what the fuck is that? Dude, it was an owl spread its wings. It was like four feet from me. I watched the full wingspan and flew away.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And I was like, I haven't seen it since. That's awesome. It was so fucking good luck. It was. Do you ever see that thing where they, like, they record the audio of birds flying?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And they're, like, you can hear them all, and then the owl flies, and it's just... What?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Because I had a raccoon on my roof, and that thing is nighttime.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It would get active at nighttime, and it's like, I genuinely thought there was a human being on my roof, and I put my head out the window trying to find it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
So, yeah, I remember I met my... The waves in a wife beater is nuts. Just popping, just surfacing in a wave pool. Oh, shit. And the bottom gets all stretched out and baggy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Start giving him food and stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I told you. I put that compost out too early without breaking it down enough. And I literally brought a world of rats and then stray cats into my garden. It was fucking kind of sick. True. You got to get a cat. Dude, I have one that just walks around. I have a black cat, and it comes in my backyard. Oh, yeah, the dogs fuck that thing up. They can't catch it. My dogs can't catch it. Tilda?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
No, she cannot catch it. That cat can jump onto the top of the fence. It's, like, not even close. But, yeah, I have that cat hunts the mice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That's definitely raccoons.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Raccoons have screaming matches at night. Do they really? Yeah. I remember in Philly, when I was living in West Philly, they would scream at each other on rooftops. Brawl, scream. What? They were hooting and hollering. Yeah, we identified.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Sick. He's been cleared of being a pedophile. People are calling him a pedophile for all he's not. He's not. Did I get cut off in the craze? Perhaps.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Not a pedophile. And maybe Oprah's not too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Turns out Oprah. Perhaps not a pedophile either. We'll see. Yeah, true. We'll find out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Calling up to Toronto. Candace Owens just put out like a for real documentary or maybe produced it. I don't know. I just saw something she was attached to of Macron's wife. Being like, this is a dude. I know we all like Macron.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, I know, but it's fucking... Either way...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
She had a lot of time. She had time to fucking do what she needed to do. You ever take a look at McCrone's wife? Not a good one. When I learned she was older, I kind of researched her briefly, but then I fell into one of Candace Owens' videos.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Candace Owens is pushing hard that McCrone's wife is indeed a guy. We all have fun with Big Mike, obviously. I could see Candace also being on the list somewhere. She's gone down a couple rabbit holes pretty hard.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Depends how hot the sand is. The sauce is hell. We going? We rolling? Oh my motherfucking God. Christopher. Off of the wrong foot. Huh? Nah, he thinks I'm mad at him for his sneakers on the beach. Sneakers on the beach is weird.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
McCrone's wife. What'd you think? Careful. Time will tell Well, we'll see if I got tricked here. It could happen anybody I mean the president of France for geese for geese Let me see The president of France actually have my phone right here, huh? What the fuck you trying to say I'm with Gardini. I think it's McCrone's wife looks like Candace Owens. I Let me see this, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yo, what if McCrone's wife was Candace Owens?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
yeah true kind of sick i mean to keep the thing going kind of weird uh in school sick although if you're just tapping into that like magical moment yeah man i mean dude look at look look again this is not my business either if the guy's wife is a dude that's their business and if not that's a vicious rumor that needs to be stopped what if what if she's a dude but he just doesn't know Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Just 40 years of, I don't feel like it tonight.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
What the hell? Also very French. Although the fact that the teacher, you know, was romantic towards him. Doesn't that kind of throw a monkey wrench into the story? You know what I mean? Like in the 70s, you're telling me in the 70s, or whenever that was, there was a trans teacher in France that was like huffing the kids' birds and nobody...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
All of us has one video game cousin who would play video games at the beach the whole time and then come down at like 5 p.m. in sneakers and you'd be like, bro, what are you doing? You're not coming to the arcade with me, dude. That's the beast, dude. Yeah, sneakers on the beach. Are you a sneakers on the beach guy? Uh, yeah, a lot of, you know, because I... That's so dumb.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
nobody knew about that that's what the movie 400 blows is about i know france is like a very romantic place but it's like you think it's the ultimate romance she just hits you with one of those french accordions you're like what the fuck's happening Damn, he's so French.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That's so, what a sexy thing to say.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
He got molested by a 40-year-old lady when he was 12. That would turn you into a hopeless romantic.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Just the women to male student, obviously. The other one would be truly a tragedy. That's not cool at all. It's more clandestine. Not romantic.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Those dudes are not that clandestine, man. They're just firing off text willy-nilly. It's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Did you see the clip I sent you where the guy was like, BB cream pie. Talking about a bareback cream pie. Just like, bro. I think that is just like the absolute seventh level of hell at the bottom of a porn hole. It's just you're just talking to Chris Hansen like, how the fuck did I get here? Yeah. You just go deep. You may ask yourself, huh?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That's my brother's screen name, actually. That's my brother's name. It was me trying to have sex with a kid, but that's my brother's screen name. I just want to clear the record. I wonder if the Nats have banned him from the stadium.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
the emails about hot dogs are weird but true i forgot about the hot dog emails that was nuts dude what's going on with the hot dogs bro there was hot dogs walnuts that was like that was like prime pizza gate yes yeah i remember like just really i had q drops on my phone i'd be like oh shit it'd be like a picture of like a plain bathroom of like what is going to go what could what could this they had me on the line for a little bit and i was just like i can't this stuff's too hard to follow i don't know any senators names
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Get him. I was just, I for real for a minute, I truly did think that Hillary Clinton might do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, apparently, allegedly, he's got some weird artwork, but you never know. You don't know what's... The Pizzagate thing was hot dog orders, right? Well, there was the pizza place itself, which was tied to something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
what just a pile of hot dogs around them well no the the email that supposedly got leaked was like we're gonna need it was like walnuts were apparently little black boys hot dogs were like white kids and there's like term for like girls and there was this weird email that was allegedly it could be good it could be fake but it's like we need 60 walnuts and like 40 hot dogs and then you tie into like the haiti stuff like oh we love this the hot dogs you guys have
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's called a wild king night, by the way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Could be them getting Dallas and Zaw. Zaw's different.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Is there any footage of them actually having pizza parties at this pizza place? And are they the best pizza parties ever? I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, there's lakes and shit, dude, like... We don't just swim in pools, dude. That's a fair point though, but again, it's like, I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Wait, so Sandman was at presidential pizza parties?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It could be them eating pizza for sure. There'd have to be others. There'd have to be like a pinata and some other thing to justify that type of excitement over a pizza party. True. Because D.C. doesn't have like the best pizza I've ever imagined. It's not like a pizza hotspot. I'm sure it's good. It's on the East Coast. It's the East Coast seaboard. The fuck are they talking about pizza?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
We're talking about some good dogs from Chicago. Obama's a fucking, he's definitely crushing dogs. Maybe, I don't know. His chef's cooking up some dogs. I keep forgetting his gay chef died in the pool, in like a pond.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
obama's obama's secret lover is gay chef died paddle boarding hold on are we i don't want to radicalize any any kids in a right-wing extremism dude yeah we are this podcasting space you know we fucking know this is a platform and it's very important we blew the election dude we fucking ruined it because we we radicalized well this is we're bringing this up specifically to debunk yeah it's gonna be tough to debunk
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That could... Obama, is that confirmed? That's still up in the air. That's like the best thing I've heard come out about Obama. It's been like war criminal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Gay chef murder. Smoking crack. Yeah, there's that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I will say that I thought he was going to come out and really sway the election. Nobody gave a fuck. It's because he did it wrong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I know, dude. He's like, we know that's not how you talk. Yeah, but Joe was probably like, dude, trust me, it works. Like, I talk black as hell. I know. Him coming out and being like, shit. Shit, fly suckers. That was it. Not the move for the Obama.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, he did. He gave after that. He gave. We gave a good speech after that. Just gave like a nice speech. That was like kind of like his usual stuff of like values, inspiring all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Why he came out. He's like, I don't know what these were.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
What are the data? Were they getting just constant like interviews with black people? And they were just like, well, I'm voting for a woman. Why did they? Why did he come out and say that? I think they were polling black men and black men were like, fuck that. It was just like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Did they just make it up in their heads that they were? I think they were polling.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Obama took an Uber to the speech. Yeah. Yeah, he just got filled in on the deets. But no, they were probably doing polls and they were finding out. And there's just, you watch online, there's so many people being like, man, fuck Kamala. Trump. Trump, when we had a bread. I get that, but yeah. I saw a lot of videos. We got a lot of bread during Trump. It was just... And they were right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
The bread was flowing. The bread was flowing. So... Yeah. Obama, he's like, well, if I can't do the bread, I don't have the bread. You know, I don't have the track record of the bread, but I can do like Rachel Shane. So... That was like, they tried to do that. Like, you're not, you know... That's a powerful tool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I hate to say it, but that's a powerful tool for black people in general to be like, bro, we're going to just take your fucking black essence and hide it from you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, we'll see, man. We'll see what happens after his four. This is his last four. Unless he puts in, like, Donnie Jr. He might.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Okay. All right. He's... damn he's six years older than mccrown's wife shit well dude i think we yeah let's roll to the motherfucking patreon that's good stuff hard cliffhanger dude we have some good topics a lot of good topics i haven't even gotten into any of my topics dude i have a good one bro we're gonna catch the raccoon on the roof
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah. To what? Like in New York, you take the subway. You take the subway all the way to Coney Island.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I thought you were saying instead of black people swimming, they could take ferries. I was like, well, yeah, I'm sure they've adopted the technology. No, they can travel. It's pretty close. You get the breeze in your hair. There's probably some sand on there. Well, goddamn, I don't want to tread into kind of divisive racial stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
First of all, before I get to my 60 relative, about 64-hour fast.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Speaking of semi-related to cats, I just found this out today. Do you know rats can't fart? No, I never would have. Rats cannot fart. We had an exterminator come to our house today, just routine treatment, and I told him about the cotton rats that invaded my garden. And he was like, oh man, that sucks. And he came back with a bag of... It was like baking soda, apparently.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And it's like an attractant, some other kind of food. And he was like, dude, put this in the back thing of the garden. He's like, it's non-toxic. It's kind of like a million dollar idea. I feel like the guy should patent it. I don't know if other people do this, but.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's rat poison, but instead of being an actually poisonous substance, it's baking soda, but it takes advantage of the fact that rats can't fart. So they eat baking soda, they just get filled with gas, and since they can't fart, they explode. Like, literally, like a pigeon. Like a seagull, but that's Alka-Seltzer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And then he's like, the only thing is you might catch a rat with its side blown out running across your grass. Oh, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You think they'd fart the most? Yeah. Also, if you can poop, you can fart. That's what you think, right? They can only shit, dude. They can only shit. Farts are just an air poop. They're probably peeing while they're pooping. You Googled it after the guy said it? I didn't even Google it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You can't. That's the thing. That's like an opposable thumb.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
What? What? Fuck AI, dude. That sounds like it's... If you can pass a turd, you can pass a fart.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Okay, so maybe he's thinking what I showed him is actually technically a mouse. Why? That's tricky, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
How many times do you unexpectedly go to the beach?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Here's the thing. The cotton rat looks more like a mouse than anything else. So maybe he ID'd the species I gave him and was going, oh, that's more of it. That's technically a mouse they refer to colloquially.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
cotton rat yeah that's what i'm saying nice coat on he's got a nice coat i can see maybe the baking soda expands quickly in the stomach or something and blows them up yeah okay so we you know it doesn't get to the fart part i'm sorry to spread misinformation rats can fart mice cannot i believed you until chris with the poop but then still mice poop so exactly mice poop too so mice so mice can a rat a rat evolved from the mouse and they were they literally were like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's time to fart. Yeah, it's time to fart. I'm sick of blowing the fuck up all the time out of nowhere thinking I'm just eating something yummy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But yeah, dude, and that way if your dog, my dog already got into rat poison once, so that way if my dog ate that baking soda mixture, he's going to fart it out. He's got a farting dog.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
He's already heavily farting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Exactly. So yeah, I thought that was interesting. That's extremely interesting. So there we go. Mice can't fart. Rats can. It's crazy. Is there a reason why? Is there anything about why they can't fart? How could you not be able to fart? Probably because of their teeny tiny buttholes. Yeah, who knows? A rat has just a big enough butthole to blow out a fart.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I feel like the last time I was at the Danny Improv. I got surprised with the beach trip. I didn't really know how close it was going to be to the beach. And then I have sneakers on the beach. Don't you take, don't you take.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But you'd think even just a mouse-sized poop of a fart could get out there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Sean just said they can't. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Could be wrong, but I'll let you know if any of them explode. So maybe they can fart.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I can't believe they can't puke. How could you not puke? I feel like that's one of the most important things anything can do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
stomachs is backwards i don't know yeah i have no idea but it's like if it goes in the body's got to be able like we don't we can't process this it's got to come out yeah it's actually a really terrible way to kill the guys apparently it just is extremely painful for the boys Hey, man, you know what's painful? Seeing all your arugula just go up one day. I hear you. That hurts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I'm in an age-old battle, dude. Farmer versus vermin.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
They're lucky I don't stab them with a pitchfork. I forgot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
this is nothing to you i used to go out with my dad and blow up the voles smoke put the smoke bomb it'd be three holes smoke bombs in two and he would stand by the other hole the nine millimeter just fucking sock these things oh my god yeah i watched my dad shoot a duck one time i saw his eyeball go flying no not a duck yeah bro he capped the duck what was no man oh it was a fox fucked it up and he was putting out his mercy kill good
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
he had to eat straight up cap the duck the one time yeah bro people were getting plugged up dude yeah i've seen a lot i've seen a lot of murder man a lot of animal murder yeah interspecies murder one time he squished him this was this actually stuck with me we were in a barn and like a mouse ran into the corner of the barn and he just like took a work boot and just squished it and i was like oh
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I was like a little kid. I was like, damn, that's so fucked up. I can see myself getting to that zone real quick. On a farm, on a farm. Dude, my whole crop, carrots, arugula, spinach. And I don't know what the other one was. Maybe leaks just decimated all of them like two days.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You're yelling, dude. And then I don't have sandal. I don't like have sandals a lot. Yeah, but you take your shoes off, leave them at the top, and you roll your pant legs up, and you walk on your bare feet on the beach. I mean, if I'm really missing the sand and it's a partly cloudy day, I'll do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I mean, imagine if you came out and the mouse was like fucking with your Xbox all the time. You'd smush it with every morning. Half your Xbox was eaten.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
And you kept having to plant new Xboxes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, man. It'd be sad, but you'd be there. You'd have to, bro. You know, fuck. What's my family going to do if the shit hits the fan? I'm going to need half a pound of arugula to eat, dude. You're going to need it. I want to do potatoes. I was going to do the carrots to kind of test the soil and then hit it with potatoes. I want to just do potatoes and garlic, something I use a lot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You've got to get some tomatoes going, too. I don't really fuck with tomatoes, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Dude, I don't know what it is. I'll eat salsa. I like that. I'll eat tomato sauce. Give me a raw tomato.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I've tried them so many times, they make me just want to throw up every time I try to bite a fresh tomato. I know a lot of people like them. Yeah. What about the little ones? Cherry tomatoes? Don't like them either. I hate tomatoes. I can't stand them. My kids don't like eating them either. And I'm always like, yeah, you guys are fucking right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
even if i get a tomato chunk in my spaghetti sauce um i'll like really take when i was a kid for sure when i was a kid i did not like tomatoes yeah bro she made chili recently and she used like it's i'm such a psycho about it if she makes spaghetti i make her blend the sauce so there's no tomato chunks yeah i get so skeeved out about mushrooms i don't like i don't like mushrooms i i will eat there i'll i've cooked lion's mane mushrooms i like them but if much like button mushrooms come in my dish i'll send it i don't like like regular mushrooms
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Lions made mushrooms by themselves. You fry them up are actually pretty good. But other than that, I don't really suck with that actually. I had a little incident at a restaurant recently. I had to be like, bro, uh-uh. Not for me. Get these motherfucking mushrooms. It was mushrooms. Did you put them to the side or did you send the whole thing back?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
If I don't know there's mushrooms and I order them, I'll pick them out myself. But I explicitly was like, no mushrooms. And they came out with the mush. And I was like, bro, just try to dose me. Get these things the fuck out of here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, just literally. So I was telling you, man. I think it's autophagy or autophagy. I don't know how you say it. If you don't eat for 24 hours, your body on first of all, you go into ketosis. So you're burning fat cells, you know, all that stuff. But after like, I think, 24 hours of not eating any kind of anything.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Your body goes into autophagy. So you start eating. Your body starts like finding like old cells or any like fucked up cells. I think even cancer cells. And it just munches them. It starts just cleaning house of like anything in your body. That's just time to go. And I did like 60. I think I did about like 60 hours of like no food at all. Just water and coffee.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But if the sun's been baking and you get there kind of late... Then you got sand in your shoes for the rest of your life. No, no. I walk. I have a special walk.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Dude, I'm going to try to start doing it every Sunday, just 24 hours. Eat 5, 6 p.m. on Saturday, doing stand-up, and then wake up that morning just black coffee, and all you got to do is make it to dinner time. It's not that hard to do 24 hours. This is getting awfully close to Judaism. Bro. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I just don't want, here's the thing, Chris. I don't want to get old and have my kids be like, you didn't do everything you could to make it in the entertainment business. Why don't you become junior? You know, I just want to do everything. True. Dad, what the fuck? You were a Christian like a dumbass? I got to do it on my terms.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
slowly back in your way or i mean it's it's kind of muslim too man to not eat until sundown yeah so you should just hit ramen on that's what i'm saying i actually might do a ramen just no i mean when they do it oh that'd be nice man i might actually i've actually was always when i went to the remember the green eggs cafe in philadelphia yeah Come Ramadan.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That was like a kind of like gentrified, like hipster breakfast place that got just like swarmed with black Muslims.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, whatever, man. Could be black.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
He does. He looks like Sammy Sosa. Yeah. He's just a white guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Allegedly. Allegedly does.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
No, dude. It made it to the halls of... That's a big, that's just, that pool party must be crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I saw her in real life one time. What'd you think? It was just happenstance. She's way shorter than you think, but it was real. It was like, I went, oh. Yeah. I was stunned.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, she probably is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Was she just a little bit cooler than like the average door seat? It just smelled so good in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And I just sat and I was like, this is just where Emma Stone peed. But did she flush? That'd be nice if you peed on her pee. That would've been next level.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
How great would that have been?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, it is. Yeah, you can always get the devil is due. Like, everyone's always like, he's fucking failed artist. No one liked him. It's like people like them. They know the kid.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
You did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong, I don't think. Sitting to feel a hot lady's body heat on the toilet. Yeah, but it's creepy a little bit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I don't think it's creepy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. Just right there. That would be actually really nice. What do you think of that? That's nice. That'd be really nice. What do you think of that, dude? Just a mistletoe. Yeah, just put it right there and get some right on the fucking mouth.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That's like a mercy because it's creepy would have been like waiting right by the door to try to do like a rom-com like, Oh, sorry. Oh my God. Like, Oh, crazy. Yeah. Do I know you? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Not sniff, not sniff. Feel her warmth. Feel the warmth of her body.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. We're going to waste it. You know, like, Look, that's her body heat.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's going to just fade up or you can just enjoy it before it gets like inducted back up. There's no rule against it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I'll do that. I mean, you didn't like jerk off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I mean, you did absorb her body heat. Part of her does live inside of you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. I'm happy that you said that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And you want, they love, they'll be like, that's so weird. But if they're like, say they took a dump and it kind of stinks. If you just stood in the bathroom and you're like... They're like, oh, my God, get out of here. Yeah. I fucking love that. I fucking love it. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
No, dude, I agree. Still to this day, if I smell... Like when women put on deodorant, but their body odor still comes through a little bit. That smell drives me like absolutely insane.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's a little bit. It's a little bit through the deodorant. It's just like, fuck, I love that. Do you like a girl with a little bit of fumes? Yeah, I honestly don't mind it. You don't mind at all? Yeah, I don't mind a little bit. Fumes. Are you talking about coming off a box? Yeah, I'm talking about a little fumes. It depends on the fumes. Here's the thing. I can take if it's like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That's what it would be. Of Emperor Giannis. And you'd probably fix, that'd be nice to like take a girl like that and then fix her fumes back in Roman times. Right. But in Roman times, that was chilled. And be like, dude, I'm going to fix your fumes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
afterwards yeah he just gathered himself and he did that smeared it what i like about standing up too is this is a fit city you could just get your calf raises in while you're down and that's why i think you did it dude it's just like a workout i know i was tired of sitting around all day yeah yeah what's up with all the gay art over here i just i thought it was visually striking this is nice i had someone my friend told me about this painting i'm like i looked it up i was like perfect yeah this is i just wanted something kind of intense and then you know why i told i was telling you on the plane he's a guy he jerks off to erotic poetry so this kind of goes with it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Do you think though, but back then I think it was kind of like if your daughters got snatched up by an emperor, you'd be like, fuck yeah, dude. You'd high five your wife and be like, we fucking did it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I like that idea. Right? I agree. I think it's great. That's it. I didn't realize they get fucked over so bad. Hell yeah. You spend your whole life doing that and then it's just like. Then they don't give a fuck about you. You get a silver medal. I guess you can start like your own type of lessons back home. You got to be like a superstar. Like Simone Biles gets money.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yes, Michael Phelps got real money.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And it's so impressive. You're like the third best person in the world. It's like, yeah, dude. You're right, they shouldn't pay taxes. Hell yeah, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I'm full sometimes the guy in a wig you just go you know what I'm full I'm telling you man it's like you watch the porn and it's just like it just starts to be like yeah you watch it so much and you're like what's this and it's just a new thing well it's disassociation like the honest was telling me yesterday it was like you and then you start to think about how come my wife doesn't look like that why don't we do that I'm like where's your penis baby I said that to her a few times here's the eternal here's the eternal question what would you rather do so if you had to have sex with
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I'm going trans. You wouldn't take down like a stud?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And they can tell. If you're gay, they can look at you and be like, yeah, for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That was your hetero kicking in, being like, the smell was off. You're like, what the fuck am I? I got to get out of here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
You would have washed his feet. Yeah, 100%, dude. It would have been nice. Made it work for me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Cook up hot takes with your friends and win real money this football season when you and your crew run your game on prize picks. I mean, oh man, Patrick Mahomes throwing those 1.5 TDs. Hmm. I think he might be able to do it. Download the PrizePix app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That's code DRENCH on the PrizePix app to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix, run your game. Now, let's get back to the show. Also, guys, before we do, Happy New Year, by the way. Happy New Year. And with the new year, I am glad to announce we're out of the podcasting desert, man. We're after this week.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
yes yeah yes we got nicked we got nicked which gives us our eye and we all got nicked we all got nicked and our wives and girls they all know that we're kind of like out of their friend group like they're like they're proud of us but they're like my husband's kind of gay yeah and they just accept it yeah yeah i i dude it's it's like embarrassing i don't know what to do like i was taught like just like talking sports i don't follow it at all so that it like it makes me feel really gay when other men are like dude you uh blah blah and i'm like i don't know
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
business as motherfucking usual thank you guys for uh you know trudging through the podcasting desert with me it was it was interesting and um you know like i said before it was a crucible situation and a crew and in a crucible you are steel is melted down and reforged into sometimes a stronger sometimes a weaker shape but i'm excited to announce it anyway i don't know i'm very tired i stayed up late last night and now i have to do advertisements let's get back to the show
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It was a battle boy. He took a boy into battle. It was like a battle boy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
fight through like biblical like the bible belt stuff and yeah i'm sure in medieval christianity it was probably kind of frowned upon oh yeah yeah heavily yeah yeah you know uh puritan times every day just like kept bubbling under the surface and eventually was like yeah we're gay the whole society had to be like all right our bad yeah yeah it's a strong strong uh driving force listen to this like people are like oh p p buddha chick
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And the clarity must be amazing, to like not be just kind of like dealing with like a,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
a lady like if you're a gay like and women are like you're just like i i for real i'm not doing this we're immersed in like yeah you know we're immersed in women's thoughts if you have a wife and you're a straight guy it's just like you're constantly just dealing with just whatever you know it's just a minor problem that if you're a gay guy that imagine if those problems never cross your radar yeah i think i didn't eat all day you know you have to be like you can get a lot done yeah you can really crush you can look at michelangelo and you're like that guy got a lot done because he didn't have to listen to like people with smaller brains
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
There is actually a kind of a dark element to just like, We used to do a comedy show in a gay bar. Right. And they were so mean to the female comics.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Oh, yeah, they are. Fucking ruthless. Like, the lady was on. They'd be like, boo, honey, you stink. And I was like, oh, my God.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Ruthless.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It is. It's also, imagine him just drawing all those beautiful baby penises. Oh, yeah. You need the master.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Just bang. Magnificent. God, it's a masterpiece.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Perfect, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
They didn't have it back then. The hair of a eunuch. Dude, medieval London was the same. If you had to take a shit, you were supposed to like walk out of town and like shit off the bridge and it would just fall on the river.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
But if you, like, got caught dumping your thing, they would, like, really fuck you up. Yeah. Fucking the butchers, too, would just throw entrails out into the street every day. So you'd walk, and there would just be, like, rotting fucking animal carcasses.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
No, you know who actually discovered germs before Pasteur? There was a guy, he was a doctor in like, I forget where he was, somewhere in like maybe Belgium or somewhere. And they were doing this thing. I was just talking about this last night. they, so back then they would deliver the babies, you know, a lot of babies died.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
So like there was like where they put the dead babies was really close to where they delivered babies. So doctors would be handling dead babies constantly. Like, all right, here you go. And they're like, all right, let me deliver this baby. So they're transferring like dead fetus germs to living feet. And it was, it was killing like 50% of the babies.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I love playing sports. I love playing sports. Like, I played football, basketball, and I'll still play sports. I just... I can't bear to follow them. I don't care. It's amazing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And then this one doctor was like, dude, I think there's like stuff getting on our hands from these dead babies. And he started washing his hands with like a solution of whatever chemicals and the, uh, And the infant mortality rate went down to only 7% of the babies were dying.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And then he tried to tell the other doctors about it, and they were like, nonsense. We're doctors, and doctors are gentlemen, and gentlemen are always clean. And then they told this guy he was crazy. He went into an insane asylum, and he died. And then they eventually figured out like, fuck. Yeah, he was true. He was totally right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That's crazy because I've been thinking about that nonstop being like, damn, if it was like 200 years ago, I'd have been dead.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. You get a fever and you're done. A lot of wives died in childbirth. Yeah. It was really normal to have like three wives just from like your first two dying. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, what are you talking about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I think it was improper to even like bring it up. I think you had like a couple, although I did like the letters people wrote each other in history. That's something we got to start back up. Yeah, beautiful. Beautiful letters, long letters to each other.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. These paintings. This is what it is. It's a great representation.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Like wild, dude. Damn. Requesting the big stinky bush is like, Pretty out there. He wanted it. He wanted it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, I want that thing lost.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
He wasn't that sweet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's fake news. Trump's not wrong with that. Dude, he really did blow the lid off. I mean, I remember watching the news when I was like- 20. But I was I was always like very stoned all the time. And I was like, dude, this shit is fucking fake.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
But then I would still like read the headlines and like there's got to be some modicum of truth to it. And then like he really did blow the lid off. I was like, oh, shit, we are being all like, yeah, dude, I read this book.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Jesus, look at this dirty Irish mick. They're all drunk. Drunk. Sorry. You're about to go outside and handle business.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That's what it is. He just got the super stream.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
They were bad. They were terrible, though. When you read about what they were up to, you're like, God, those guys must have been fucking terrible. Terrible.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I looked the part.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I was reading. I was reading Angela's Ashes and like it's so sad. The first chapter, just like the author introduces his family. His little sister dies just like in a stroller by herself at nighttime. The family's like they're just all devastated. So they go back to Ireland and they're on a boat. The mom's on the boat. She's pregnant again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And she gets sick, and as they're looking at the Statue of Liberty, she's explaining it to her family. She's like, I look how beautiful this is. And then she goes, and threw up. And the vomit just missed it in the wind and just went on all the other passengers. And they're all like, you fuck. God damn it, lady. Get the fuck out of here. Fuck you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And he just watched seagulls eat his mom's vomit as they sailed away. Fuck. It's beautiful. It is kind of beautiful in a way, but it was the spray of just being like, oh, there it is. Just crushing all the passengers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
But you look like a good cop, too. You really do. I think I would have been a decent cop.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, they were killing it for a while, but they would always bankrupt themselves. That was a problem. Everything I've read about French history is them being like, all right, how much money do we have? Like, nothing. Yeah. Fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
You know what I mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Dude, having like meth psychosis in like World War II as like a Nazi soldier must have been...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
No, I was young too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, I think so. I think you're just ripping at it now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
go sober sober yeah it's hard to do like stand up without that'd be funny a guy facing death he's like no dude i got 13 days sober you guys drink dude i mean we're going to die what do you think this is this is drugs dude this is i'm on using a drug right now yeah i needed it today really but yeah i think a lot of it too is just nicotine i think they're just crushing fucking nicotine pouches yeah probably like 500 milligrams of caffeine a day yeah that's it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
There's a nice story about World War II. Nothing that would chill them out, that's for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I think when they get back, a lot of them do actually, but not when they're there. But there's a story I read about World War II where the... I think the Nazis were in Italy, I think, at some point. And they were like they came to the bridge, you know, Dante's whatever Inferno. Sure. So it was the bridge from the book where he first laid eyes upon Beatrice before she died.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And there's an actual bridge there in Italy. And the Nazis, they could have blown the bridge up to keep like the Americans, whoever, like off their ass. So they radioed. I had some sort of communication. They were like, look, we won't blow up Dante's bridge where he saw Beatrice is such a beautiful place. you guys got to promise to do like a 20 minute timeout. And they're like, all right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And the Americans chilled for like 20 minutes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Let them cross the bridge and they didn't blow it up. And then they used it 20 minutes later and like pursued them. Wow. It was just like a weird moment in the middle of like war where they're like, dude, that fucking bridge is so sweet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yes. Yeah, true. It's just what being a Catholic was.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. It's got to be so nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, you're committing mass murder. So, yeah, you have to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It is. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Because in this society.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
No. In society, you have to control murder. Then every now and again, you got to be like. you know who kind of sucks, actually? Yeah, yeah. What if we just killed that whole country and everyone's like, get the fuck out!
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I went to a basketball camp. It was called Bucky Gill's Basketball Camp in Chichester. And he was the coach of the girls' high school team. And he got around. He was, like, apparently, like, well, this was the rumor, I should say. He was, like, opening the shower curtains, like, spraying them with soap. He was, like, back there partying with the girls. Wow, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That was a total green light. I've heard people, I should say, who think we're going to go to war with China. That's inevitable.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Dude, my theory is World War III, if we're all being smart, we should stop fighting kind of like, you know, between countries and have just all attack the oldest, like the elderly. Yeah, right. Just plunder the elderly. Get them out of here. If you got to get your blood thirst. Yeah, exactly. We all plunder. We all make a deal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Like, look, let's just use all these advanced technologies we've created to like, yeah, absolutely plunder the elderly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That would be great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Common enemy. They're going to use it to do like a one world government situation. You think so? I mean, yeah, people get mad. I always say this, but I do think like that kind of set up or that, I don't know, man. I don't know if we'll always be countries or if that unification will ever happen where we're like, because I mean, they have the EU now. Right. So all it would take is like the US.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I don't know, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
They are. I'd like to speak that language.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Dude, French as well, man. I've always... I'm like... The French accent kills me. Yeah. I'd love to fucking French. But yeah, I... I don't know. I mean, here's the thing. If that happened, even if they staged a fake alien attack and we got to be like with like Russia, like, come on, brother, let's shoot down these fucking aliens. That would be fun. That would be.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
How much better than COVID would that be? Being like, we're fighting the aliens together.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I know we'd be done.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Pow.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Well, this is my argument for that. If you're able to get to that level of technology, I do think there's a good chance that you would have worked out the weird interpersonal kinks that would make you like a weird kind of like domineering warrior.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And then we all had his basketball camp shirt because everyone went there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
They're probably digging the cast. I think so.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
If you could hear, they're probably smart enough. Imagine if you could just watch Ants and get a full in-depth look into what they're thinking and feeling all day. This is awesome. That's a good point, actually. It is. That's a good point.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
But then when he got in trouble for it, we'd all wear the shirt. We thought it was funny. We'd all wear the shirt.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah! Just kidding around. I'm just kidding around. Turn around. Yeah, we're just joking. It's a character piece. It's probably AI now. The nuke's probably conscious.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, they think they're going to set off the nuke or something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Oh, okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
So... Yeah, I mean, dude, I don't know. I had a guy on recently. He did a James Fox. He did, like, multiple documentaries on UAPs and UFOs and stuff. And he's like... I mean, he's totally convinced. He's like, dude, we've been contacted multiple times. But I don't know. I don't know what the fuck you're going to do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's like if you're worried about an alien invasion, it's like, bro, you're totally paralyzed.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I have zero even nuclear nuclear war. I'm kind of like whatever. Yeah, I just don't worry about it. I'm like, dude, I don't know if it's going to happen. Hope it doesn't happen. But, you know, I'm not going to be like, hey, guys, knock it off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
We should really rethink this, but it's like... It would suck if it didn't... If it was like... It put us in like the wasteland scenario. But then it's like we get to all dune out, so it's like... I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. That'll be huge. If we somehow... If they can use the aliens to make us somehow like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
all disarm like our nuclear weapons but like no one's no one's gonna want to do it first they're gonna be like you know what would happen though the aliens would have us disarm the nuclear weapons and then we would just go back to medieval warfare like 20 years later we would just start attacking the regular way which that would suck yeah no we could still we could still drop big bombs they just okay but just no nukes but when you're like murdering each other you're gonna get the edge it's like it's right it's a catchy thing yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That's what the guy James Fox was saying. It was like a lot of the sightings around military stuff have always been. And then I was like, well, what if it's just like super advanced technology they're not talking about? He's like, I mean, even that is like a whole thing in itself. He's like, it could be. Right, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
They're claiming they can do like full speed right angle turns just like that. He said there was a pilot that like saw like a silver kind of like almost like cylinder object just buzzing around. And he like did a nosedive to come down to see what it was. And he said the thing spiraled up towards him. And then when he kind of like, he like tried to contain it, it just was gone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And then he, they had like a latitude longitude. And he was like, when he got to the latitude longitude, it was just there, just like waiting for him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. The problem is, is like, well, there's like two things is you could fake that so easy. You could fake that. But there's all these like high level military guys coming out being like, no, for real. I saw it's like, why would they risk their. They either don't care about us.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, or like I said, I hold out hope being like, dude, if you get that advanced, you must. There's no way you get that advanced when you're still kind of self-destructive and all that. I think they might be pretty chill.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, but shame is pretty good, though, because it keeps like you should have a sense of like if you do a certain thing, there's going to be a bad feeling accompanying it. Yeah. If I went home and like blew my dog and just like. Took a walk. That's a problem for society. I need to be like, what the fuck? Solid, solid point. It's a good point. Solid point. Shame's not a bad thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
What I said was wrong. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
You need it, dude. Shame is a good thing. I mean, it's like the beginnings of your conscience. It's just your conscience. But it's like if you kind of get carried away with it, you can't burden yourself with it. But like having no shame is not good. Not good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's not good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. It is for real, dude. I'm like being genuine. His ability to sit there for three hours and talk, it's uncanny. It's crazy. I don't know anyone else who can do it. I can feel an hour in me and I go, all right, I've hit an hour and I start going, all right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's for real. It's pretty nuts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
After you podcast a lot, it does kind of suck when you socialize. You're like, dude, I should be getting paid for this. Yeah. Why am I wasting my time?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I'm out with my neighbors. I could just be man on the street right now. Yeah. Generating content. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
So you can see that at patreon.com slash history hyenas.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. He's doing Veritas on fucking. Yeah, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Did you see those videos?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I don't know if they were real, though. They were real. I think so. I think they are real. Dude, if you get a guy, you're getting crushed. Like, dude, if you like, just go on like LinkedIn profiles and just have like a hot chick. I'd love to come out and talk to you. OK.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And like, dude, we're fucking we're like making up half these fucking. And it was just like there's a guy. He claimed that they were making variants that they could get ahead of them so they could create vaccines for ones they made up. But here's the he validated. He said that. So they're like, that's wild.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
COVID's out there and they're like, well, what if we made a thing like it, got the vaccine for it, and then that way we're already ready if something like that strikes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's like a gray area with the journalists, though. I think journalists can do that somehow. Can they? I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That's a good question because I know you can't record a phone call. without the other person's consent. So I would assume that it would be in person. Which I've also done a bunch of times. You just posted it. Yeah, it's fun. But you can... Yeah, I don't know, man. It's a weird gray area because I feel like journalists have to be able to do that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Like whistleblowers and shit do it all the time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
True.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
You have to be like, yeah, which, you know, that is, there is some trickery there always.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah. Yeah, that's true.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
yeah this 50 we were watching on the plane so what we couldn't hear what what's the thing 50 guys are going down for i think a guy was just kind of like like this is what diddy was getting accused of with cassie or cat whatever her name is cassidy yeah saying like he would just be like imagine you took your wife out to a nice dinner and then like when you got home you're like surprise babe and they're just like four dudes there and she's like i don't really feel like it he's like no it's going down and he would just have her get allegedly have her get kind of banged out wow
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And I think the French guy was going ham with it at the same setup where he'd be like, surprise. And it was just like four of his four dudes. I'm not going to say his bros. I don't know if they're his bros or not, but it'd be like four or five dudes would just run the fucking. Banging out his wife. Yeah. It was like apparently 50 dudes got caught.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's the opposite. I think when you're like a Jack Strong kid, they know. They're like, no, this kid might be mad. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And he's a real wealthy celebrity in France, this kind of guy? I guess so, yeah. Which is the craziest thing to get caught with.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Wild. Yeah, man. It's fucked up. And that's such a wild one, though, man. Yeah. They go, you're not going to fuck me. All right. You just have, like, dudes come through.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Never me, bro. I'm new. That's why. No, bro. I would be so mad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I would be upset. Third guy, you'd be like, what the fuck am I doing? This is... yeah oh take three yeah like by the third you're like wait this wasn't a good idea yeah i was fine with the first two crazies for you and 50 people to all go down together for that that was that trial must have been crazy yeah they're all going down too yeah yeah what is french
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
jail even like though you think it's even that big of a deal probably cigarettes baguettes yeah true it's probably jail is probably in the gay sex there's probably has that's probably awesome well it's loving yeah it probably is like yeah that's i don't know man the french jail probably actually does suck yeah i mean all jails i mean yeah yeah But I wonder if the food might be all right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Dude, I saw I saw a documentary about that. They have like guitars and shit. They have like music rooms. You can just go play. It's like that is a kind of a good idea.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
No. Not at all. And you can do a pretty sick crime. You can like crash a car into someone's house. Something like, you know, crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
And yeah, let's just send him to Guantanamo. Yeah. Yeah. Because, yeah, he shouldn't be there like doing like fucking. He's probably getting emails and stuff. Yeah. So that guy should be locked up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I'm chilling. But yeah, where are we at time-wise? I don't want to keep you guys up. We're good. Let's get some breakfast, dude. Yeah, let's fucking eat some breakfast. Thank you guys, dude. Thanks for coming on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That's going to be awesome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Hell yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That's how it works. You don't remember. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I thought he was clipping kids and being like, forget about it. Yeah, he was.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Do we know? Why they don't get in trouble, you're saying?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Why are they always hot? Always hot, yeah. So I think it goes down to, or comes down to, like, a lot of women's television is still centered around high school. Like, even like, you know, like, what, uh... There's always, in my opinion, a lot of those soaps have like a heavy high school romance element to it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Like women constantly watch high schoolers like make out and have sex. It's part of a lot of the shows. That's a good call.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
That was a big one. Dude, all like the, you know, fucking just all those like soapy dramas. A lot of them are centered around high school love. And that's like a thing for them. It's like the meeting when like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Damn, that's crazy. They came so far that they can be pedophiles. Yeah, that's how you know that we're equal now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, but that's the thing, though. The problem is as then as a 17 year old, you can get like sucked into like adult kind of dynamics. Like, you know, say she's cheating on her husband. That's like a crazy thing to get a kid in the middle of. That's right. Although, to be fair, I don't know. Would you rather if you were to be cuckolded, would you rather it be like a young like boy?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
just flaccid penis people be like what a astonishing man i got so nervous that's why that's why these sculptures medieval sculptures are all little flaccid penises because that was beautiful yeah you were smart i got so scared just watching him at that podium when he said african slaves i was like i hope this finishes good just the podium is just kind of like you're going all right let's just it's such a funny thing to be like oh those huge muscular exotic guys yeah well trust me they got huge dicks you want anything to do with
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Some guy raised like his pint of ale, like I got it. I know. But dude, it turns out that they do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Well, if you saw their condom studies, they released the data and it wasn't the average. It wasn't as big as you would thought in terms of like compared. It's not that much bigger on average. They just had a couple of 13, 14 inches. But I think their outliers do. I think they kind of. Right. I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's also crazy to be white and have like a huge, that's kind of something unsettling about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I'd get it reduced.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, it was like they tied to their like mythic folklore of like the German here and all that stuff. And yeah, that would for sure get anyone pumped.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It is funny to ride the wave of like just someone else's dick. He's like, yeah, I saw it. And you're going to catch me on the road at. Just put your dates across the shaft of his deck of the pick you have from when he's 18. Yeah. For your dick to get like a legend of its own must be kind of cool. Oh, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.