Support the D.A.W.G.Z. @ patreon.com/MSsecretpod Support Brandon and Buy His New Book @ https://brandonnovak.com/ Go See Matt Live in Irvine CA Next Wknd @ mattmccusker.com/dates Go See Shane Live @ shanemgillis.com - New Tour Just Announced Go See Shawn Gardini Live if you want @ https://www.shawngardini.com/ Heyyy guys. Special bonus ep for you. A TGIF treat. Cusky was blessed by fellow PA (baltimore) dawg Brandon Novak. They talk gettin sober, skating stuff, and more. If you need help getting sobes hit up Novak, he's the man. Please enjoy. God Bless. ps might have an extra special treat for you guys very soon :) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: Who is Brandon Novak and what is his story?
You know? So like, I just accept you for where you're at the, the, the jar head for where he or she's at, you know, and, and, and just, it's cool.
Yeah, that was something that blew my mind during COVID, and I, like, mentioned this before, but I still can't get over it.
Like, I would, I didn't realize how much I did this, but, like, especially during, like, like, so before COVID, I didn't know that I was really doing this, but I'd go through a supermarket, and, like, every person I saw, it would just be this, like, weird, invisible battle in my head where I'd be, like, look at this fucking guy's fucking pussy jerk off.
For sure.
And then I would see a lady, and, like, fucking chick's not even hot. Is she looking at me? No, she's not. Fucking bitch. Yeah. And you're doing this like crazy maniacal thing in your head. And then COVID, it came to a fever pitch because there was like the mask first, no mask.
And then it was like, it was just like, it just all came to a head where I was like, dude, why am I this stressed while taking a walk? And I started doing a thing where like, when I would be out at a grocery store, I would really focus on not having like a silent battle against people. And instead just like wishing strangers well. And like you were saying, exuding that, whatever that energy is.
Totally. Dude, I felt so much more comfortable in public after that. Yeah, yeah. It was like a revelation for me.
I love being right-sized by humanity. It just happened to me recently. And I'm really good at, like, again, I really have dove into this whole spiritual aspect of my reality and belief.
When you say right-sized, sorry, what do you mean?
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Chapter 2: How does addiction affect personal relationships?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're like, dude, if I just did a little... So it hurt me like that. So I had to avoid skateboarding like the plague. But one day I was really sick and I couldn't come up with money. So I decided to go to this skate shop in Fells Point called Select. And I asked, when I get there to try to get some money, like, we're not going to give you money.
But Bam was here yesterday with the Toy Machine team. And he asked if we ever saw you. We said no. And he said, well, if you do, give him my number. So he leaves his number. And a couple of days later I, I call and it was the number to Fairman's skate shop in town. Yeah. And, and I called Fairman's right. Timing is everything in life. I call Fairman's. It's not even his, it's not his house.
It's Fairman's. I'm a homeless heroin addict. I pump in some change into the, to the fucking pay phone. Right. And this changes like my lifeline. Right. So I got my finger on the thing. Like if it don't answer, I don't get beat for the money.
So I'm like,
But Dave answers. He's like, yo, he was just here. He's next door at Kuma, which is the sushi restaurant in town. He's like, hold on. I'll go get him. So he goes and gets him, comes back. And then that night I'm on a Greyhound bus from Baltimore to Westchester. And he's like, yo, come live with me.
You know, you can, you can, at this point he had done the CKYs and then Viva La Bam had just started and he allowed me to be a guest on the show and everything.
started to get paid by viacom and and i could do all this shit i just couldn't i could have a credit card i could live at his house rent free i just wasn't allowed to do heroin okay that was the stipulation no problem i was cool with like coke and alcohol because that was like i wouldn't steal your shit when i wanted more yeah yeah yeah that makes sense so so that was kind of how i like and then throughout that process ben would always be like yo your stories are like the fun he always loved the the positions i ended up in as a direct result of my heroin addiction yeah like like
letting gay men shave my asshole for rent money and fucking, you know, let men blow me for more dope and just getting stabbed in the head with an ink pen and fucking like all this nonsense. Um, so he's like, yo, you can live at the house. And now I'm starting to get appearances in jackass. He's bringing me along and he kind of calls me like his walking television.
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Chapter 3: What are the challenges of recovery from addiction?
Yeah, that's a good explanation of it. Because I know it's not like a thing with words. It's just kind of like you know, you also don't. It's pretty fucking rugged, man.
And I remember that night. I'm in the bathroom. I'm doing this. And I could hear people out in, you know where Ryan's is. And they're having a good time. They're waiting for the ball to drop. They're laughing. They're fucking playing. They're cheersing. And I'm in the stall just crying uncontrollably with a fucking rolled up bill up my nose. Getting ready to sniff.
yeah everything i love away oh and that's that's what addiction is yeah as a whole but it never it didn't start that way you know yeah yeah how did you end up starting to do heroin because that was like a big jump from like yeah like was it the pills first it was the the fucking hallmark progression you know the alcohol the weed stealing the herb from the dad and then the blow because he sold a lot of blow yeah
Things just progressively got worse, but mine was genetic. So I have a mother who was a nuclear physicist. I have a brother who is an attorney who works in the White House. That's awesome. I have a sister who works in the hospital my mother ran, but they are by a different father. I'm the only one by my father. Gotcha. He was an addict and his father was an addict. Yeah.
So I believe I was fucked from the gate. Yeah, that makes sense. But the thing now is that like... It's like, you know, my poison has become my medicine, and, like, it's turned out to be the biggest blessing that's ever happened in my life.
Yeah, that is the thing. I feel like addiction, it is like a... It's almost like a weird spiritual practice if you think about it. You just kind of, like, rather than, like, meditating, you're just getting so fucking high all the time that your life just collapses, and then now you have to really kind of... It gives people, I think, a deeper appreciation for life if they make it through it.
And that's the thing, right?
Because here's the reality, and this is why people are so just, like... frustrated with battling the disease of addiction, statistics state, theoretical evidence dictates that I or anyone else that is sober are to be high or dead, right? Like the data collected, the analytics fucking from all over these studies that are given states that the majority of people die as opposed to find sobriety.
And I remember getting out of my last facility and, uh, You know, Bam was always a constant theme throughout my life. And I stopped over and I saw him and he's like, what the fuck? What was different about number 13 treatment center? Why not 12 or 10 or six or four or three? He's like, what did you have like a meeting with God or something?
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Chapter 4: How can spirituality play a role in recovery?
I started to then gain a better understanding of the reality of my situation. And what I learned is the reason why I got beat so bad is because A, I always underestimated the opponent that I was up against because I was the great I am. And B, I never gave it the time, attention, or respect it deserved.
Yeah, and you're talking – when you say that, you mean like yourself basically or like – because it sounds to me like it's like – like you were saying like, yeah, fucking heroin. Yeah, yeah. Keep making me fucking do it when in reality it is like it's yourself. Yeah. Nobody – even without drugs, nobody wants to admit that like they're a complete problem.
Exactly. And again, this isn't – just substitute the word drugs for whether your thing is porn, sex, food, shopping, gambling, fighting, fucking, whatever. Yeah, yeah. Right? These are the solutions to the problem. And you were talking about it during COVID. Prior to COVID, you'd walk around with all these narratives of these people. And then all of a sudden in COVID, and it made me think of it.
We were kind of forced to be with ourself, by ourself, to look at ourself, which is what we avoid by fucking, fighting, betting, shopping. You know what I mean? And then I start to look at me, which is why I got high for so long, right? To escape the shitty reality I created for myself as a direct result of continuing to shoot dope.
And then finally, when I got to a place where I could start looking at me, I realized that I'm the problem, right? There is no third part. And the longer I think that there is a third part as to why I'm this way, I'm just the victim. So now I'm going to drink because of my shitty life. And you would too if you had a life like mine. I'll justify why.
The brain is the fucking problem in every area of life.
Yeah, dude, it does. It can fuck you up, man. You can, yeah, it can really fuck you up. You can do anything and just be like, get something in your head. Like, Oh, I'm not good enough. Totally. And then it just snowballs. Yeah. It's kind of fucked up. It's insane.
But if you, if you, you're aware of it, then it's worth its weight in gold. Yeah. And now like the longer I stay sober, the more work that I do. It's amazing. What I do know is that I don't fucking know. And I don't take credit for any of this. Yeah. How long have you been sober for? Coming up on 10 years.
Oh, nice. It's been a while.
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Chapter 5: What lessons can be learned from addiction?
Pardon the interruption. This may or may not be Sean Gardini speaking. and this may or may not be Sean Gardini on camera. Who is speaking and who is on camera is not important. I've come to tell you that Sean Gardini is doing stand-up comedy shows. The upcoming shows are in Cleveland, Ohio, December 8th, Buffalo, New York, December 10th, and Baltimore, Maryland, December 11th.
Please come to those shows if you can. The tickets are at seangardini.com. Thank you.
Hear me out here. I failed to promote my shows in the Irvine Improv, SoCal. I'm so fucking SoCal. I forgot to do the ads or make a flyer for the Irvine show. Eeps. My bad. It's next weekend. Thanksgiving weekend. Friday, November 29th. Saturday, November 30th. Two days. Fo' shows. Come out to motherfucking Irvine Improv. Um... And I'll be honest, I'm not just saying this because I'm doing a show.
I love Irvine. Irvine was the first place I went to in California. And I was telling someone recently, I'm like, I fucking love Irvine. And they lived in L.A. And I'm like, are you kidding? Are you trying to be funny? I'm like, no, why? And apparently everyone from L.A. just snubs Irvine. Like, I would never. Fuck you guys, dude. Irvine rules. L.A. 's fucking bullshit. Irvine.
We're talking Laguna Beach. We're talking motherfucking Newport Beach. Conservative-ass stronghold down there in SoCal, dude. Shit. Come out. I love Irvine. It's literally the first place I went to in California. I'm very excited to go there. I'm going to bring my whole motherfucking family. We're all going to do Thanksgiving out there. It's going to be sick.
So Irvine Improv, Friday, November 29th, Saturday, November 30th. Let's go. Let's show these L.A. fucking pussies, dude, who's really fucking SoCal. They're not fucking SoCal. They're north of Irvine. Yeah. So how did you get into the recovery homes? When did you start that? And like, what was that like?
My get well job was washing dishes for $6 an hour in Levittown, Pennsylvania at a diner called Mary Ann's. At 38 years old, I'm busting suds in the back with a coworker who's fucking 14. My brain told me that, and this is after skating, jackass, fucking author. My brain told me I should have at the very least been the president of the United States.
i'm fucking busting suds with brian here for six bucks an hour yeah what was that like struggling i had heard the word humility and it sounded fucking cool and it rolled off the tongue right but try swallowing that fucking thing i'm 38 right now imagine fucking you leaving here and going back to levittown pennsylvania to mary as diner shout out to rich and and they're great guys and uh
the owners, and Bustin' Suds for $6 an hour. How long did you do that for? One year. That's long. That's a decent time. I had no idea what my next move was going to be. Because my qualifications didn't state that I had any, like, you know... Special qualities. I know what you mean. You can't be like, yo, let me help on a TV show real quick.
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Chapter 6: How does helping others contribute to personal recovery?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I write his book. Brilliant book, by the way. Whole newfound respect for that man. Rest in peace to him. But they were doing this hour-long documentary, Harvey and them, and they reached out and they wanted me to weigh in on it. And they asked me the same question. And the truth of the matter is,
I'd be really ignorant if I sat here and pretended to possess the answer of, like, how to live a perfect life with coming up on 10 years sober. That's like... My mother would be like, fuck you, asshole. You should have did it your whole life, you idiot. So, like... All I know is my narrative because it worked for me. I'm never going to tell anybody what you should or should not do.
I believe with California Sober, with MAT, Suboxone, Subutex, Vivitrol, Methadone, if it provides you a life that you believe is worth waking up and getting out of bed for every morning without the thought of wanting to kill yourself, I'll fucking drive you to the dispensary. You know what I mean? Like fuck me for thinking that I have the answer. I just have my narrative.
So what I always say is that when I'm kind of giving a talk or working with clients, if you can find more similarities than differences, it might make sense to pay attention. But if not, that's cool too, right? Because everyone at the end of the day – You're entitled to your own process.
You are entitled to have that realization during COVID of like being a fucking asshole to strangers that did nothing to you. And if I would have robbed you of that process, you might not have come to the conclusion that you have today where just being kind is the right way.
So looking back, if anyone would have robbed me of one less fucking sleepless night I caused my mother or pain that I made everyone endure, like I might not be here today.
yeah that makes sense so it's kind of a personal yeah timeline for everybody for sure and yeah it's like and I'm not saying that my way is the right way it's just my fucking way yeah because I know that's a big battle when I was in social work school there's like people who are like it's called like harm reduction versus people who are like
nothing you better knock on i'm a big harm reduction guy yeah and at the end of the day it's like who the fuck like that's between them and their higher power yeah like all of a sudden i believe i'm god and i can predict what your fucking best outcome will be for your life and your situation fuck yeah true and i'm a spiritual guy and if i'm a spiritual guy like i say i am where's my spirituality if i judge your spirituality yeah right so like
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