Shane Gillis
Appearances
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Is it war, Gillian? No, no, no, no, no. Me go to war with fucking Bobby Lee? No.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Yeah, I'm not. No, I think you're great, man. I look forward to the special.
Bad Friends
We Bring Down the King
Hey, good luck, man. I wish you guys nothing but the best. Bobby, keep it up, man. You're hilarious. I love you, Shane.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
A school teacher in Florida got arrested for sleeping with a student last week. It's like a thing now, right? The teacher of the year. Parents were outraged. They were like, how does something like this happen in our community? And I'm here to tell y'all, who do you think's voting for teacher of the year? It's the students that are fucking the teacher. It's a hell of a campaign to go.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
I'm not saying there's a correlation. Look, I'm not saying there's a correlation, but it does seem like ever since this broke out, the school shootings have gone down, am I right? It does feel like the teachers got together and they were like, hey, we can solve this shit in-house, you know? We can solve it. We're gonna start a detention, we're just gonna run it a little bit different, you know?
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
My son sees this shit on the news. I asked him the other day, I said, you ever fantasized about one of your teachers? He's like, dad, you're disgusting. No, that's gross. And I don't know if he's socially awkward because we homeschool him or what his problem is or... Roll Tide, right? I mean, if he can make his mom cum, at least somebody in this fucking house can get it done, you know?
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
Yeah. I look like the singer of Creed. I get that all the fucking time. Oh, you spit a lot. That's all right. Guys, I'm sorry. I'm a little bit drunk. I've been hanging out with autistic people at Poor Choices for fucking two hours. This guy definitely rules. There's ShamWow guys over there, if y'all want to know. The pitch guy. Is he really? That punched the hooker. He's walking around. Slow me?
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
No, he's over there fucking talking to people, dude. It is bizarre, dude. I'm so glad to be here with y'all, dude. I can't believe I got called. And on top of that, this panel's great, but goddamn, I couldn't wait to get out of there, dude.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
I'm a career drummer that quit a year and a half ago to do comedy. You're a career drummer? I paid for my house playing drums and quit to do this. Well, boy, oh, boy, do I have news for you. Watch out, dude. A white man's coming for your job. No, no, no. I don't...
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
I paid for my house and got out of that industry.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
How the fuck do you pay for your house with that?
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
I worked for the drama for Guns N' Roses for a couple years.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
Babysitting. Did you make him feel better about his talent? I'm telling you, it was a full-time job.
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
I didn't name it. I didn't name the band. I would never name the band my last name. But you did. Yeah, but no. But then you did. No, no, no, I did not. The rest of the band called it that. We were last in line when they were going out band names, obviously. It gets misspelled on every marquee across the country, so...
KILL TONY
#702 - MARK NORMAND + ARI SHAFFIR + SHANE GILLIS
Yeah, we did. We flew below your radar, but we made enough money to pay for a house in Alabama.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
In the shared beds, the mom always slept it away like she was like her ass was always fucking. What are you doing? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I can help you with that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Scrolling is a trigger for me. Because my fucking, my Twitter feed and my search page on Instagram is just bad news. And I'll just, I'll catch something and I'll just be like, all right. And then fucking right to fucking you porn. Yep.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Drink drugs. Eat something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I agree. What's all the fighting about, huh? There's enough of me to go. What a catch you are, huh? Plenty of bagel bites for everybody, girls.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
If the hookers and wives just got together, the wildebeest could... That's what I'm saying. Isn't it weird? Nature documentaries, the way they present it, they can really twist your view of like... Say it's a baby wildebeest and it's a lion. You're like rooting for the wildebeest to get away. Yeah. But then other times, you're rooting for the predator. Yeah, they change it. The way they spin it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
He's working on the car. What are you talking about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Grass-fed, grass-finished, baby. Let's go. Oh, yeah. Grass-fed hamburger helper. Oh, don't get me started. That was my move back in high school. I'm home from wrestling practice. My mom has a fucking hamburger helper stroganoff sitting on the table. Big glass of milk, go to town.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I couldn't hear nothing. Immediately gets up to me and I got a huge stain right below my stomach.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I don't like down here, too. They get in your business.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, man. You just got to go on the old school ones. What are you supposed to do?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Hang out at liquor stores. Hey, Billy, what's your email address?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
exactly yeah told it let's go great those those passwords and shit like that our dads is who they that who fucked they got fucked up by that all that kind of stuff and the pop-ups yeah my dad literally went through five laptops in like a six month period i don't know it's crazy it's coming up my mom's like what the fuck
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Searching boobs like a fucking eighth grader. Something about my dad. I was like, dude, we know you're fucking... Nah, what are you talking about? He's a fucking fucking... It's like, dude, you're watching porn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I had it work out one time. You know the numbers that you call and you can like talk to a lady?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I was able to convince her. I was like, well, we should meet up. And I ended up meeting up with her.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah. She didn't look anything like she described.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
She's the hottest girl in the world. Where'd you meet? I met her at her place. What? This was in... She's hearing you come up the steps. He stopped at a landing. He's just breathing heavy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I used to love SpaghettiOs and the peanut butter and jelly with it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
And I would dip the peanut butter and jelly in the SpaghettiOs. Yo.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
did you fuck with the meatball spaghettios or how did you did we fucked with them yeah i liked it they were pretty big i didn't roll out of the can it's very good when i was a kid i couldn't do the beefaroni something about it creeped me out i don't like the thickness of the nudies the nudies were a little slimy yeah they're too thick i agree it was too bucatini for I'm an angel hair man. Dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
And I went up there. And it was a bad... There was just a dude sleeping on her couch. And her kids were there. What? And we went in the room. I stayed overnight. It was bad. There were so many roaches in there. And I had just seen this documentary about roaches crawling in somebody's ear and screaming. What a sweet life you were living at the time. I was so bugged out. And the kids were so sweet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
And I remember we were in there. We hooked up. Jesus Christ. Yeah. I thought for like a week... that this was a sign from God that I was supposed to, like, marry this woman and save her and the kids. I just never talked to her again. But... For a couple of days, I really thought like I had like a sign from God. But I remember she was like, let's get the kids out of the house or whatever.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
And they were like, can we go to the store or whatever? I'm like, yeah. And I had like, you know, a couple of 20s on me. Then the dude on the couch comes in. He's like, oh, can I grab something to just keep him at 20? And then they came back with like Chinese food or something. And we all ate as a family.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
And then watched Kung Fu Hustle and went to sleep. And I slept with toilet paper in my ears because I didn't want the roaches to crawl. Jaboner? Yeah. I'm sorry. What are you talking about? On the Chinese food run, you banged? Yeah, on the Chinese food run.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
When that shit hit, when that angel hair hit the households, in dirtbag households in the 90s, we thought we were fucking from Sicily. Thought we were the Medici or whatever. It's angel hair. You're like, what the fuck? Medici family.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Not at all. The yoga ball story. I was living in a studio apartment in Queens. This is towards the end of my first run in New York, before I moved home to Philly and did comedy. I was doing a lot of blow. My brother had, like, got engaged and moved out of the apartment that we lived in. I was by myself, and it was bad. I was working at this place. I was doing blow.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
And maybe, like, six months in, it was like a nice little apartment on the first floor. It had just been redone. It had all stuff in there. I was making a go of it. I got bed bugs and I had to throw out everything in my apartment, every single thing in my apartment.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
So I had a blow up mattress that was like my bed, like in the corner, like I had like a comforter and shit on this thing after I cleaned it all out. And my I had a yoga ball for my computer where I would fucking sit there, do blow jerk off all that kind of stuff. You know, the norm. And I had this hooker over there one night and I was smoking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You know, we're watching porn, obviously, and all that kind of stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
And I was smoking a cigarette and I was I was naked and I was probably covered in like olive oil or Vaseline or something. Completely naked. You were ready for sex.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I just want to eat him up. He's fully. And I just put my cigarette down and it popped the fucking yoga ball. And I just fucking. And I remember she started laughing at me. And she had like a deviated septum. She was like, just snorting and laughing at me. And man, I'm sorry about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I mean, sitting there bouncing, smoking a cigarette.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, I wasn't. How big were you? Like, you were still... Maybe 250. Yeah. All right, that's good. You can't believe that. Dudes who are 250 ain't doing yoga. You can't bounce up and down on a fucking... Goddamn Chinese-made yoga balls. Fucking bullshit. Yeah, I was... No way it was the cigarette. No, I think it went down in a pot because it blew up, like, from the burn hole.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It was for sure. How's it going to land on a... Maybe it rolled over a safety pin or something like that. Sniper in the next building. Took him out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I had some jacks sprinkled on the floor. That's right. I had a set of spike strips in the house. I forgot. I forgot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I'm showing him my butterfly knife. Yeah, pretty cool. Did you fall flat on your back? Like that. Yeah, right on my ass. I remember my coccyx bone was sore for like two weeks after that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
dude it's like a gun went off it was like four in the morning and i was real paranoid because i was on the first floor in the lobby and i had two doors like i had two doors that entered my apartment and like i get so cooked up i'd be like listening to doors to see if anybody was in there i was sketched out you want to take the romance out of the room if i can pop a yoga ball covered in olive oil
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I ain't real dry skin. I'm a freak, man. What are you talking about? You've never been covered in Pam spray before. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
For some reason, it was fancier.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It's so much better. So much better. It's crazy. Sexual.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, it just ruined the bed. You're not going to get your deposit back, baby.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Grab me some Cheez-Its when you're in there, will you? Grab me a Whitman sampler on the way out to the door.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Big night, huh? I remember when the... Remember when the pharmacies, they started getting the freak aisle? They didn't have that for a long time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Family planning now. They call it condoms lube. Wild. The condoms, the fucking heat up lube and all that kind of stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It's down at the shaft, shaking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
that's for the horniest brothers yeah me and my brother one better i like it it is sexy man little olive oil and garlic you don't see it out of restaurants either it's all this bucatini all this shit we don't you know we're trying to it's all fettuccine which you brought it up that that's that side piece shit the fettuccine fettuccine alfredo if you're at the dinner with a girl and she orders the blackened chicken pasta she's a whore
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I don't know. I think my dick's too small for that. My balls would be going back and forth. Like one of those things on a desk. That wouldn't be a good look.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You guys did dry runs back in the day. You did dry runs with condoms before you started having sex.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, that was a dress rehearsal. They were fun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I would say stay out of it. I was going to say, you know, McCuskey was a little freakazoid.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I told them my mom's going to find this and get me very mad. It's a piece of gum on the tip of it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
So what? You put it on, jerked off, and then just slung it to the side in your parents' house?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
When I first saw one, I never thought that's what it was going to look like. I thought it had, like, straps. I didn't understand what it was. And when I saw it, I was like, man, that's a great design. It's just a thin... If I would have been in research and development on condoms, we'd be 30 years behind.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Oh, remember those? Yeah. somebody used to have a good job i think it was the polo had a good joke about that a landstip skin condom then you'd fuck the girl in the whole room would smell like a gyro his straps are so fucking yeah that's what i thought i thought it was like like foam and went around and it couldn't click in my brain that it was supposed to catch the stuff coming out
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I thought it was like a knee brace like a lineman would wear. I thought it was a donjoy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I know, I know. Did your parents ever catch you having sex in the house with anybody?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Who was this bruiser wearing a fucking flyer starter jacket?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Which Foley's going to go over is... Exercise regimen. Yeah, we're going to talk about exercising. Talk about crockpots.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I know. I like how you did it like that, too. Opened it up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
A long zipper. It was an all-the-way zip down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
The Orlando Magic for some reason.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Those things are wild. I couldn't wear a basketball jersey. Even as in shape as I ever was, I could not wear a fucking jersey. I just looked bad in them. I look like I work for the Joker. Like it was just like I like proper henchmen. It was just not a good look. Yeah. And I used to do that could pull those off. It was great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I made a promise to myself a long time ago. As fat as I was, I was a kid. I'm not going to be the kid wearing the T-shirt or whatever. Yeah. So I would take the shit off before we got to the pool. You'd be like, this is it. This is me. Let's roll.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That's asking to get dunked. The fat kid wearing the shirt. That's easy pickings. You're going under.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah. Getting called out by your parents for fucking late night snacking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
My mom still does that. She'll be in bed at like 830. And if we stay at the house, I'm down there fucking rummaging through. What are you doing down there? You're rummaging. I'm like a grizzly bear.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah. I think filet mignon's kind of got that rap, too. With sluts? Some broad, yeah, some broad will think she knows what she's doing. She'll get a filet mignon and get it, like, medium well.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Ah, fuck that. I'm going the other way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I'm praying for it. It's actually going to wait until 2032. Until this thing hits us. It's 2032? That's what they said, yeah. Are we going to use all of our missiles to blow it up? Can't deflect it. It's past the point of deflection, they said. So I don't know what they're going to do. I think they're just going to ride it out wherever it hits. Deal with it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Wait, why can't they blow it up into a bunch of pieces? Armageddon this thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
If we shimmy on the horn. I read something that it's too far past where we'd be able to hit it or something like that. I also have no idea. I'm getting this from Instagram. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Mid-beat, he's reading that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That thing's cooking. That's like 28,000 miles a second. We'll bounce right off of it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Now you're all in big trouble. Gets bigger.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
If it even hits us.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, god damn it. All of us have to fly every fucking ten minutes. That's a flight that any of us could have been on. Minneapolis to Toronto? Yeah. Dude, what the fuck? I know. Everybody lived, though, so I don't know if the pilot's a hero or a fucking dumbass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You are a retard and a dumbass. I don't know if he overshot the runway, but it looks like he hits the right...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
engine immediately catches on fire so he like bounced and then it just flipped over but as it flipped over those wings came right off yeah so and it was on fire but everybody inside was cool they got out everybody got out yeah but i always take my seat belt off early and i think about that all the time before we land up before landing i do it every now and again yeah i'll be like the second we touch the ground i snap that thing off yeah that's what i'm saying your proper i'll take it off i'll just if they don't remind me to put it back on i'll just
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, I would be done. I'd probably take out the lady next to me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I would definitely have shit in my pants, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
We've crunched those numbers. It's been like four months where every week, every couple of weeks, it's something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
And if you go globally... I mean, South Korea, they had like nine.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
They get that like a cranberry juice. But you fucking dirty bitch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Asia's been going nuts, though. Nuts. Yeah, those airlines. Crazy. I'm never going over there. You see the video of the one last year, the guy he's filming himself, the one that went into the gorge? Yeah. Fuck pretty quick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
When you think they have that shit kind of all in lock, though, do you think South Korea? Everything's probably fucking tight, meticulous. That's what I'm saying. I mean, fucking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Like the noise or something. I wonder who did that. We were talking this morning. It was probably like an intern or something like that that snuck that in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I mean, that guy should have got a writing job somewhere.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I've got six pairs of underwear with me. I'd be furious. How'd you bring enough NXIVM? I'm going to have wicked heartburn up there. He's brutal to travel with.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, I had it so bad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, because some people, they don't get the side effects that bad. We're talking to Mike Eaton, hosted the other night, and he was saying that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You nasty little slut over there with your parents. Mac and cheese in a Shirley Temple. Now you're speaking my language. Although, this is how much of a dirtbag I am. I've never had the upgraded mac and cheese that touched the shit in the box. Ever. Once in Philly, Cotton got a platter delivered.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
But he said he doesn't have problems with it, and I know people that don't have problems with it. I had it so bad. We're like, shit would just, it just stops your stomach. Yeah. So my shit would just sit in there and fester.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
like the sarlacc pit just fucking bubbling up and dude it would the burps were so fucking bad we were worse than the farts which is crazy whoa i had a real bad me and my wife flew to greece and we came back and i got jammed up at customs and it was like an hour and a half line and it was like every 30 seconds i was like try to do the fat girl blow out the side i would hear i started to hear the people behind me go what the fuck
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
So I started, every time I would do it, I'd go... What the hell? What the fuck? You guys, that's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
The only one that ever smelled it was Ari. He was the only one brave enough. I was like, you're the only one I can answer this to. Do you want to smell one? He was like, yeah, go ahead. He didn't want any more of it. He didn't want the smoke. It's like rotten eggs, dude. You're a dragon. You're a dragon. A proper dragon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I do get mad when the international line's moving faster than the American line. What the fuck are we doing here?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
But we were only moving in small increments, so I couldn't even, like, do it and then get away. Bad. Phew. Had to keep that up for an hour and a half. Sipping a ginger ale, praying it would go away. Get some carbonation in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It's like a gas leak.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I would press through it. i probably should have stayed on the japanese say you eat till you're 80 percent full yeah if i was maybe doing that i would have been all right but i would i would push through it because at the time his japanese neighbor says it all of the japanese it's called something in japan japanese the japanese neighbor but japanese neighbor
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
It wouldn't hit until later, so I wouldn't realize how full I was until a couple minutes after I ate. It was going to be bad. And it would just sit there. You could feel it in your stomach. It was like having a crock pot down there, just slow cooking. Set it and forget it. Bad news is coming. My girl fucking hated it. Imagine having to sleep with that, dude. That's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I had to get real defensive and bat it on my seat popper. Like, what do you want me to do?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That would wake me up in the middle of the night and be like, what the fuck? Fucking hotboxing himself. Be like punching out of an F-16. Under the covers must have been nuts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I had a first-class education on that shit because we did Cotton's bachelor party, and I went out and bought all this stuff. We did a little grill barbecue. I must have bought about $400 worth of store-bought potato salad, and it was all his boys from the neighborhood, and nobody touched it. And after like an hour, I pulled one of them aside, and I was like, why?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I remember one night she got up in the middle of the night and was like, I woke up and she was standing at the end of the bed. What are you doing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Because sometimes when the noise of the plane and the air moving around, you can get away with murder up there. You really can. You really can. You build it up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You can fucking hit the aisle.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Directional, yeah. Dead giveaway is when you're moving the fan around. But yeah, you do that one little test to see if it smells and if it's all right. Plus, you got the seat, all that stuff, you know? But man, sometimes you're just like, fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Folds a crisp Wall Street Journal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Oh, fucking bastard.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Route 66 special. Route 66 special on our YouTube page. Check it out. Yeah, so we did this whole big tour from Chicago to L.A.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I had Ozempic problems. Ozempic problems the whole time. But we filmed all the shows. We filmed everything on the bus and all that stuff. And we put it all together. Connor directed it and fucking shot it and edited the whole thing. And we think it came out great. We think it's something different, something fun. So we're excited. When's it coming out? Route 66 comes out February 25th.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Oh, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
How come no one's eating a fucking potato salad? And he's like, black people don't fuck with store-bought potato salad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
YouTube channel. On YouTube.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Nice. So whenever this comes out, it could be there. It'll be coming out very soon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Yeah. And you could never wrap up the end airtight enough. So you had to go through. It was like Normandy. You had to get, like, the first couple of waves of fucking hard, dry cheese to get to the good shit. I remember my mom, when shit was tight, she'd be like, just eat it. And we'd be like, fucking eat and fucking drywall. Suck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
There was always that one kid that you were friends with that you knew there was trouble in the house that when they would offer you to eat over, you'd be like, nah, I'm good. I'm going to go home.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Some random dude leaving with a work truck out front named like Ron or something. I see you guys like your last Dunkaroos. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Some house painter every couple of weekends showing up. He ain't going to say shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I feel like you had to do that shit in the summer. Whatever house you were at and there was no one home, you tossed the place like the arena. Like you're turning a warrant, dude. Look for everything. Yeah, like a no-knock. Cutting open pillows. Dude. Dumping out fucking coffee and shit. Fucking stethoscope on the wall going around.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
That's like a news camera. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Oh, the biggest. Yeah, if they were doing it back then, they were real freaks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
You had to set up a tripod and all that kind of stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Freshman year, I worked at a West Coast video. And... If you're not familiar with West Coast video, they had the room in the back. Yep. With the fucking beads. You paid a couple of visits. Oh, what? You worked. I used to look at the box and jerk off to the memory of the cover. I remember one was called Heinfeld. It was a Seinfeld spoof. That's nice. Hot. Yeah, Kramer had a hog on him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
But this kid worked there and his mom, single mom, worked there, too. They both worked there. And you could see what everybody took. Like, you know, you get to take your movies home a week. No lie. This kid's mom rented time for an ass fucking two. And he was time for an ass fucking for the next four years in high school. That's tough. Hated us. Damn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I know. And they also spent, I don't know who they had, the writers. And I know it was like my hormones were pumping. But, man, the storylines. You'd be like fucking pre-coming when she's talking. Like, oh, he's not coming back for a while. And the maid's in here. Oh, I got a feeling where this is headed.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
I love the fact that all these fitness guys are now coming around on hamburger meat. Yeah. That's what it's all about. Yeah. Fitness guys like me? Yeah. All these guys on the Internet, they're like ground beef or grass fed organic ground beef is great for you. I knew that since the 80s.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 548 - Bowl of Meat (feat. Kevin Ryan & H. Foley)
Stepdad, stepdaughter have to share a hotel room. Hello. Bro. Man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
It was crazy. Yeah. What the fuck? Then you walk back outside and it's paradise. It's the most beautiful place you've ever seen. Hold on. I'm going to go to the bathroom.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah. Damn. It was intense. The bathroom lines were quick, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah. What do you think? Free Diddy? There's a lot of rumors going around that Diddy's trying to destroy men's structural integrity.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
food could go fuck itself yeah it was like wait till you try the cheese sandwich it's only a dollar fifty turns out they got that price exactly right that thing was a dollar fucking fifty cheese sandwich It sucks. It's so fucking funny. I don't want to shit on the Masters because it was awesome. And everyone there was nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
It was O'Connor. Oh, comment laying down. Yeah, we're at the 18th. So they went into extra, I guess, playoffs at the end because it was tied. So apparently it was they play the 18th again and then the 10th and then the 18th or just 18th and 10 and then 18th.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
yeah who won uh rory oh wow yeah okay but uh so we posted up at the 18th tee box just in case it went yeah to an extra round and we could see them tee off uh so we were at the end we could a mile away the guy won and there was like five chris was laying on the grass farting And we were like, get up, dude. He was just rolling around.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
There was a lot of lost fights.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Some lost fights. He cried on the plane. no i got i had a panic attack right before takeoff yes i'm gonna just get a hotel here and drive i gotta go no sit down girby baby yeah but you were so helpful john and chris and then then the pilot pilot was very helpful but the during his panic attack i was like would it help if i blast drake And he's like, no. He's just completely honest.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Drake for a panic attack. That's why I said it, though. I was like, would it help you if I blast music?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
That's fine. Black people take a long time getting in and out of cars.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I do a lot of black stereotypes. Think of one. Think of one? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
It just gets more complicated. Farnsworth Bentley?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
The Engine. I just... Silence. Yeah. You don't listen to music in your car?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Four fucking real, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Damn, that was probably right when you got cable, too. they were using it back then yeah uh there is a youtube channel that plays like soft jazz at all just like a piano and yeah it's not bad yeah so it's just like chill yes nice i guess coming from that which is the whitest way on earth to drive i probably seen black as hell in my car yes that's you drive too white Quiet is nuts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I'm just kidding. What? Silence is crazy to me in a car for the most part. I don't think so.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
But listening to Pirates of the Caribbean theme song and driving around.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Man, driving in Philly, you must have had a tough time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Because the killer bees are out. I don't know what you're talking about. The bees.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yes. Were they Bs or Ws?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah. The ghetto boys. The ghetto boys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I grew up in a W neighborhood and that happened. Oh, okay. It still happened.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Do you have any proof? I have a counter argument. Yeah? Gay guys walk different. It's true. I think it actually helps your structural integrity. The posture goes way up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Halloween's an awesome holiday.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Tell me you were dressed as Jack Sparrow.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
You wore orange and black?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Orange polo, black pants.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Pumpkin suit. What were you wearing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Did you dress your cat up?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
The Masters, it was good. I'm happy we went.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
It's because you're special.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Not drinking six beers, that was a fucking crime.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
At the end of the day, you turned it on during that panic attack. Yep. That was nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
That's why I wanted it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
No, I can be grumpy in the morning.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
That's nuts. Yeah, thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
No. The Ocon man rallied yesterday. I thought there was no shot he was going to be all right. Oh, yeah. He's got no problem crushing pills.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
That'd be the move. Mushrooms would have rocked.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
It would have been really overwhelming, though. Shane was treating me to... I would have laid down. When I got lost the first time, I would have just... But the problem was I was trying to get their attention because I lost them. I thought they were in front of me when we were walking. It turns out they just stopped next to me and I kept walking because people kept talking to me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
And then I was trying to find them and I was just like standing on a hill just trying to gain attention so they could maybe see me so just everyone saw me. Yeah. And then all of them were like, yo, bro, fucking chug this beer. I was like, God, give me the fucking beer. It was the Georgia Bulldogs football team. Was it really? Yeah, it was the,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Georgia players came up and they were the ones who got me to chug a beer because it was while I was lost and I was like I'll chug it with you, but now it's a real race against the clock for me to find these guys because I was on the cusp of being hammered.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I was, for real, 30 yards away just standing. And then you took the hill.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah, he was a man. Him and his boys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
How about that dude O'Connor was battling with?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
It was just a guy behind us that was a roofer from Florida that was just so obnoxious. Kid in the back of the class. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
It was really funny. Was he yelling out? They were just being loud. If somebody's hitting, you've got to be really quiet. We were right next to the green, so dudes were putting, and he was like, Yo, dude, where are all the squirrels?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
And O'Connor was hammered next to him like, shut the fuck up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Somebody farted during a putt, which was a former NFL quarterback. I want to name him now. He farted at the Masters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
It was extremely funny. Yeah. That was a fun time. Sitting at the 16th when we were all... It was kids in class. You had to be quiet, and everyone there was just like... Yeah, that's hard.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
But then... Yeah, you don't know. There's no phones, so you can't check. You got to literally stand in front of an actual scoreboard they're putting up, which is kind of cool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah. Like a crazy tack.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Once again, these are tough to refute. I do. I kind of hold to it. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
20th probably makes that pretty easily, yeah. That's pretty tight. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I thought that's exactly what it was designed for.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Because it's a disability. True. You're handicapped by your score versus whoever you're playing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
There's never three of them at once.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
that's worse than dumping i limped out i was dumping in the handicap yeah you come out and you're like there's no chance there's a guy in a wheelchair have you ever encountered i have it's devastating i took a family dump the family bathroom and i've opened that after a dump and there's been a family that needs like change diapers yeah those things get hit hard
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
That's what I do. Yeah. Instead of like limping out, I'll go, excuse me. I'm handicapped. I'm a family. I'm a fucking family.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah, that'd be fun. Party. Fun. People would be getting in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Bro, think if you hit it, you had to hit. There's the only toilet open. You got the walk of shame coming out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Speaking of slots, how about the space slots?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah. It's a lone, it's a single bathroom. It's perfect. You can, you can lose yourself in there. You can take some time. You can look at Instagram. You can fuck around. Yeah. That's a big, a long time. And then come out and seen two fans, like a line of, you just got to come out and go, you got to come out of there and go, the fuck's my family.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. These days, you have to be smart with your money. If you're going to make a big purchase, you got to make it count. What's something you bought?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Since I've tried. It's just as hard. They escape. So, I bought a bug light. You got a bug light? I got a bug zapper out there. That's, you know, kind of the opposite of what you're doing, but just as fun. You're battling. You sit in the hot tub and all of a sudden. God damn, that guy. You get some of these big bugs out here, so big. My dad's big on bugs. When they die, they go.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
You hear them hit the fucking bug light and they go, Jesus. God damn. Another great investment, taking care of yourself. You know, you're talking about these bugs. I didn't even think about that. Why don't you think about yourself? Traditional therapy can get crazy expensive, though, like between $100 to $250 a month or more or something like that. Therapy is worth it, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
And you do have options like BetterHelp, the help with the bet on it. It could help you save up to 50% per session. While getting you the help you need. I've had a lot of sessions where I think about myself. Yeah. Take care of myself. I like therapy because. I've benefited from therapy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Everyone could learn something from therapy. Yeah. Because it teaches you positive coping skills.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
And set boundaries. How you're doomed. Yeah. Basically, you get on a Zoom call and you talk about how dumb your family is. Hate to break it to you. Your family are idiots and you're doomed. With BetterHelp, you can work toward being the best version of yourself while saving money. And because everything is online, it's easier to get into a session with your
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
schedule i love getting online sessions love that with just a few clicks you can be talking to one of their therapists you can even switch therapists at any time for any reason your well-being is worth it visit betterhelp.com mssp to get 10 off your first month that's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash M-S-S-P. And also, you can't use the tokens for those either. No tokens. I tried.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
You're stuck with those. You made a mistake. You bought some tokens. But you can talk to BetterHelp to help with the beta on it. About that. BetterHelp to help with the beta on it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
They should come see me and Philly on May 6th. I mean, we should just put that out as a special.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
You're going to scare the fuck out of Matt's kids. Promise I won't.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
That's all he is. That might have been the biggest attempt to get rid of your wife ever. Yeah. Just being like, I built this spaceship. I'm going to launch you up there. Yeah, man. With Gayle King.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I was trying my best to make things worse for you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
On the takeover, I didn't know how bad it was until we left. On the way there, it was pretty funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Holy shit, we're really high up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Do the South African. Do the South African.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah, the whole fucking thing fell off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Damn. Now, I'm not making fun of him because I fly a lot and I really don't want to die that way. It was making me thinking about if that space shuttle with Katy Perry did explode and her hit song was...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
He'd be like, change the law. Yeah, true. For sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Dude, think about having that over your baby. We don't go anywhere anymore. I took you to fucking space, bitch. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
The astronaut food sucked. You were up there for ten fucking minutes. What did you eat?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I didn't feel good. Because you kept me up all night with your fucking snoring.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I guarantee in the car ride home, one of them was like, Gail was being a bitch. Gail was a fucking bitch the whole time we were in space.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Not that it's all about me. Not that it's all about me, but like, let's be honest. It was Katy Perry's trip.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
He was probably bummed out when he saw that thing landing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah, it was probably just another day for that guy. He probably woke up like, oh, fuck, I got to launch those women into space.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
yeah he's a mathematician so he was saying like you're like the geometry like the underpinning of your structural manhood is your physical yeah like yeah but it's also it's mental too the center of gravity he thinks is your but it's your butthole and once you which by the way i can't prove him wrong it's something to it sounds like he's right again you say it's terence howard mathematician hustle and flow oh
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Fuck, I was almost out of that one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I remember that. I'd go hang out with you and Chris. All you guys talked about was fucking Mars.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Shut up about Mars. No. You need to worry about Halloween. Sure. You got to focus on Halloween before we can focus on Mars. Mars bars. Yeah. Mars bars.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
That would be awesome. We're initiating double sonic booms. I was down there for some space launches. Did you really? Oh, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
There's nothing. It's the coolest thing possible.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah. It's great. Although the last time I was there, it got rained out. i sat on the beach all day waiting for it they're like 2 p.m 2 p.m launch i was like i'm gonna have a good buzz by 2 p.m they go it got delayed eight hours and i was like that's fine i'm in the zone fucking the sun's going down i was like oh shit fuck that rocket fucking bullshit And then a giant thunderstorm came.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
That's pretty, it was awesome. Yeah, that's kind of cool. Listen to fucking, not for whom the belt, fuck it. Listen to a Metallica song. Do you want a thunderstorm? Yeah. That's kind of sick. Yeah, it was awesome. It was a great day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
now my family that lives there sends me rocket launches every day really yeah we got another video for you i think there was a rocket launch in san antonio or like it was visible from san antonio maybe it was from houston but yeah the guy went like saturday it's probably fucking katie perry he probably saw katie he saw katie maybe i don't know where they launched that thing
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Roswell. Remember the guy who tried to prove the earth was flat and he made himself a rocket? no he just fucking died i'd be sick if he got vindicated he's like i'm falling off the edge clearly i'm coming right off i didn't think that on the way down like yeah seems pretty flat to me i'm about to fucking hit it flat as hell it was in texas would they launch
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Who? There's six ladies.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I don't know, dude. You get up there. Space rules.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Oh, I float into all of your butts. God damn, there's not a lot of room up here. I keep floating right into all of you guys' boobs the whole time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah, that was good. What?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Do you watch Japanese bus porn?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
There's a mutiny on this ship and now I'm on charge. We're going to the moon. True. I'm taking the ship. We're flying somewhere else. Me and the space base. We're going to start a new colony. We're going to have to repopulate. True.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I think they said it was a million dollars a minute.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
A minute. A million a minute is what someone was talking about. Yeah. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
And you got to go, I'm the first guy to ever do it. It's like, brother, no, you're not. Who do you think did, Neil? Neil and Buzz?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Please slurp that. Please float over to that and slurp that. Please slurp that out. You got to do it. Just for me one time, baby. Slurp that. Slurp that down. It's going to be the best moment of my life.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I mean, that guy and lady were stuck in the space station for like... Really? I wonder if they slurped.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
You probably did. Never mind. I got a whiz, actually.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Let's take a break. Time out. Oh, good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Nice. This is... We're good? Huh? Sick. Steak and beans is back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Space dog. The doll with the space on it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Katy Perry standing in front of a camera instead of looking out at the universe. Yeah. She's like, it's not about me. And then she's up in space literally staring directly into a camera.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I like San Antonio. Yeah, it's kind of cool. The river walks fucking very nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Did you get to go to the Alamo? No, I didn't do shit. You got to check the Alamo someday.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
You're going to have to come fucking get me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
You're going to have to come and get me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Standing outside of school sometimes. When they go to recess, you stand by the fence.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
And the guy wears a cowboy hat. I was trying my best to figure that out. The what? Cows from the north. Vaca del Norte.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
You're a fucking Norteño.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
You're a fucking junkie. You're a gringo, boy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
You're a nasty little gringo. You can get pills for cheap in Mexico. You can move down here and start to hate DMs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
You're going to have the M's on your ass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Dude, her singing up there. Yeah, she got up there and sang. What a Wonderful World. What a Wonderful World. Yeah, it's good. That's what we need.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Oh, you'll see. Oh, you'll see. The M's. They're tough drivers. They test my racism.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah, I've maintained for a while that the A's get a bad rap, that it's actually the B's.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Turns out the M's are right there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
They do fly the flag. Very pirates.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah, go to Jolly Roger on the back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
You should get the actual Pirates of the Caribbean logo on there. You should get your car wrapped in strictly Pirates of the Caribbean. What? If I paid for it, will you do that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
It doesn't want to make you swashbuckle at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
No adventures on the high seas or anything.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Oh, you daydream about throwing a pitch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
You listen to Pirates of the Caribbean while you're driving and daydream about being a hero?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Why does it bother you? It doesn't bother me. I'm jealous. I just sit there and go, I'm a fucking piece of shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I just daydream about failures.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I listen to Pirates of the Caribbean and think about failures.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
50-50 got me. What's 50-50?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
and it just got me the first time i told the story i was on a like a first date with a girl we saw that movie really had my arm around her and i was trying to hold in a cry so bad that i was like my body was shaking i was crying i saw it i bought it and i said if i ever need to like just get a cry out watch that scene it's been very effective
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
yeah that's pretty funny being in like a very serious scene being worried about like everyone here's gonna think i'm a fucking pussy cut i'm not fucking crying for real i don't even care about the script i like i really can't wrap my head around that that's such a wild thing to be able i mean i guess you could do it if you think of something sad enough but like being able to do that in front of all those people i'm always like i'm just like fascinated by that yeah it's kind of nuts
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah, I don't think I could do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I could. You could definitely do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
And I appreciated the way you handled yourself on the flight.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
By making you fly a Cessna with a guy?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
With a guy, you can only get in through one door. You've set up a crazy innuendo. So the 55-year-old pulled it out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
It's like living with a mayor. He goes, oh, the office is my room now. Yeah. All right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
You lashed out against him the way you lashed out against Sweet Drake.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
It's a totally fair opinion. I play it a lot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I like my music loud, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah. Do you guys like the loud music on the plane? Oh, that seemed like a bunch of no's.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
We like the music. I thought you guys were B guys. I was just trying to play loud music.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I thought you guys were B's.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah. It's the difference. See that? I listen to him howling.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Do you think they should be confined or occupy more space?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
i don't like i don't come on you can do it occupy more space yeah in what in what regard true tires june 5th true what tires june 5th oh yeah yeah women need to occupy more space of course tires watch tires they should be they should if they choose they want to of course you know they want to take up more space you don't want to confine them no you don't ever want to confine your woman
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah. I want a daddy. Also, that way if things go wrong, we just fully smash. For sure. On impact. For sure. You get to experience the hardest fucking plowing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
True. From the fucking stratosphere.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah, let's switch over to the Patreon. Yes. God bless.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
What if your two-year-old said, I want to foot train? Would you say yes?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Why? So you're against trains? What if your public school teacher came and told you your daughter wants to foot train?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
The hustle and flow guy that's now a super genius. Okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
That's very true. They tried Adderall for years. And they're like, you know what? Fuck it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yes. You've been known to stuff some P-I-T-M.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
If they're into it. Yeah. While you're poorly fucking her.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
And it's huge in the podcast sphere. Okay. This is what we talk about. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
No, it was girl. It was boys. It's been a few years of us talking about it. Boys becoming girls.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
That is Russian. That's actually Russian disinformation.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
You laid on the ground. That's what I'd like to talk about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
And what did I ask for in return? Six beers. Oh, God, no. By the way, everyone at the Masters had heard that. Everywhere we went, dudes were like, how many beers has he had? To the point where I started defending him, where I was like, guys, just leave him alone. He's only ever won.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
No, not even. Not even a spray. He had a deodorant stick of sunscreen.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
It doesn't get all over your hands. It's fucking crazy. You're doing like the Ugg from Camp Onowana.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
You got to see the X Games right away? That was the first thing. You're like a Soviet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
But no, the Masters, I didn't... So I was trying to hold my tongue. Yeah. Because I knew it was big for Kirby's. Yeah, yeah. I just... I don't give a fuck about golf.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah, you can't see a fucking thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
There were some awesome spots. Like, was that six? That was a par three? Yeah. That was great. But I couldn't see anything. Oh. So, like, if you could see. Well, he's also, he can't see.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
So, we did get to 16. Took a fucking blind guy to the Masters. Yeah. He couldn't see a single thing. I was like, it's beautiful out here. He was like, is it? The Ocon man last second got a ticket. What? Yeah, the Ocon man got in with us. Nice. Yeah, it was a miracle. That's awesome. The people at CAA just were like, all right, here you go. You can have this. That's tight.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
But he was planning on not going, so he had already started drinking a little. He was ready to lock down by himself at Hooters for the entire day. Which I couldn't have been more jealous.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
If there's anybody out there that might have wanted to, I would say Diddy's a prime suspect.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
I could not have been more jealous.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah, and also be like, I have to be here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
There's nowhere else I can go. True. They drop me off. I got to stay here until the sun goes down. From noon to fucking 8 p.m. at a Hooters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Yeah, we got lost a couple of times.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Every single person is dressed like a golfer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Everyone was extremely nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
Everyone was great. The staff, everybody that worked there was awesome. Other than the bathroom, you go in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 555 - Roundball Rock (feat. Steve Gerben)
It's prison in there. It literally became prison. So the only black people I saw were people, the bathroom attendants. The second you go in the bathroom, it's like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
I just thought it was going to be funny. Garfield trans.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
That's taking it easy. That's 95 readiness for me. God damn, I was good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, you get the flu every week.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
You're quiet. Since I've come back, you're so quiet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
It's like, dude, what? High school kids tossing pies.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
There's no way you're pulling out with that fucking ass. I do pull out, but when I get the opportunity... Dude, you're going to leave the room to get out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Back it up. Big red fucking fire truck. Damn. I had to guess. I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Who the fuck is that? Write that on a piece of paper. I want to know who that is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
The squad. The fat boys. The fat boys rappers. That's the squad, bro. That's a good quote.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 541 - NP-Ari (feat. Ari Shaffir)
Yeah, they were fucking... They ran it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Bro. I'll go full Catwoman. You gotta. L.A.? Yeah. Damn, Shay Shay would be sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It's tough to go in there and battle.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, the Trump card. Going into a black podcast and battling is nuts, dude. Yeah, dude. If you get me on Breakfast Club or any of these, I'm going to be like, fucking, yeah, I hate racism. Fucking Trump racist piece of shit. I like Biden.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
they're fucking everywhere here like they're in my house i was i tried to get in the hot tub last night there's 20 of them yeah yeah you're around that water too fucking swamp back there around the bayou yeah i'm down here on the bayou yeah i don't i'm uh i don't do that the mosquitoes i swear i got up on the high plains i'm on the high plan i'm in the grasslands i really am kind of in the grasslands but i will say i'm battling a neon green spider right now
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I like Biden. Obviously, I hate racism.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I hate racism. And yeah, Kamala Harris was great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I don't think they would give me a spaz, but I think they would get me to finally be like... What you're saying is wrong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It's not Angela Yee, is it? No. Who is it?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I know who it is. They bring her in for Ramaswamy. She zooms in to battle like Ramaswamy. Ramaswamy eats her lunch. They always have Ramaswamy and he fucks her up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Arguing with zero facts? Come on, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Did you see The View? Did you tell me ladies argue with zero effects?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Chappelle's was fucking awesome. It sounded sick as hell. First night, some members of Wu-Tang were there and performed. That's awesome. And then Talib Kweli was up there. That was good. Nice. Sick. It was awesome. I mean, it was the whole time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
and i guard dog and i brought guard dog and james came the next day and they you know rightfully they were nervous to be like holy shit we're gonna hang out with dave chapelle i was telling the whole time i was like wait till you meet this guy he's literally the nicest yeah dude two people have truly stunned me louis ck i was like whatever i was like i couldn't think i was like holy fuck dude and then i i when you did that show in the garden i was just in the same room as dave chapelle and as soon as he's like how you doing i was like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
oh fuck yeah completely blanked i was like dude whatever i'm pretty normal pretty natural no i just added a third to the uh people that have stunned me who caitlin clark dude what clark was at the show i don't know if she was a fan or her boyfriend or i don't know who you know but before the show we were in indianapolis on saturday and we were like this is the house that caitlin clark built we were talking about the pacers arena and then uh
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
We were at lunch, and I was like, it'd be fucking sick if Caitlin Clark came to the show. That'd be nice. Yeah, it'd be awesome. And I was pacing back and forth between the show and the green room. And then Caitlin Clark walked by.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
And I was like, do you want to hang out in the green room? She was like, yeah, sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah. That's sick. And then I walked in, and I was like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
also james brought his friend james brought his friend to fly back with us to austin who's a priest okay which is great he was awesome but i did have a priest in the green room it was me big j who soda was making fun of looks like my goth stylist and my road priest road like having to explain to people like i don't bring a priest all the time Kaitlyn Clark, I don't bring a chaplain on the road.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
But yeah, she was one I was like, got me a little.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Green room and watched me play UFC. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
yeah I had another good invite to the green room which was very fun so in Columbus right before we were leaving the green room a bunch of the Columbus Blue Jackets wives came back to say hi I guess so it was literally just four professional athletes wives came walking back literally first thing I said I was like what are you guys doing here Because there were no husbands. For sure, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
What's he up to? Have you figured out what kind of spider it is?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It was literally just four beautiful women. Yeah. And I was like, what? Can I help you? I was like, for real, what are you guys doing here? And they're like, can we get a picture? And I was like, yeah. And then I was trying to be polite, but it looked like I was being a sex pervert. How so? Because I was like, do you guys want to, there's drinks in there if you guys want to hang out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
And they're like, no, we're all right. I was like, if you want, you can hang out. And then I walked away like, probably looked like a fucking psycho. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
it was being hospitable i know i know but when it's four hot ladies and you're like do you guys want to hang out in the green room you guys want some alcohol there's alcohol in there if you guys need anything i got it you know yeah there's chicken tenders and nachos and bud light if you guys want it you know typical hot lady stuff we got an xbox and chicken fingers Where were their hubbies?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I don't know. Maybe they were on the road. Maybe the Blue Jackets, they were probably in a way game.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Must have been rained out or some shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
That's a Biggie Smalls reference. What was? What I said. Must have been rained out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, nothing. It's a song he sings about fucking an NBA player's wife. Oh, Jesus. And then the NBA player comes home. I was like, what's happening? He's like, I don't know. Shit must have been rained out or something. Which one? Now you're showing your true head.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I am. Or just Jackson's going to eat it. Bro, look at that guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Now you're like, yeah, fucking. Yeah, the players are gone. And the Wags, when the players are gone, the Wags will play.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
No, that was the next night. That was Indianapolis. Oh, it's Indianapolis. Yeah, in the house that Kalen built. I forgot you're the aviator, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
That's not on you. Yeah, they literally just came back for a picture and then left. But I was... Yeah. It was just one of those things where I was like, do you guys want to hang out? Yeah. They're like, no, we have to leave. And I was like, you could hang out. You could hang out. There's a giant couch right there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
No, start at the beginning there. Oh, with my skin?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
NHL. I got you. NHL. That sounds like one of those. It's a pretty sick name, though, because it's for the Union. Is that what that's for? Civil War, yeah. Okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, it's like a cannon. There's a logo. It's pretty sight. I think they actually have a pretend yellow jacket.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
And the whole time I was like, I can't wait till these guys get this fucking cocktail sauce.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I was like, I cannot wait. And then the waiter comes over and I was like, don't, you know, don't spoil it. He's like, it's the hottest cocktail sauce in the world. And I was like, that was what I was talking about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
i tried it when i was there our dog cowered it out admit you cowered it's not that dude and we kept being like all right dude get it for real we've all done it like i got it and almost died yeah and then our guard dog took a big one and i was like all right this is it as soon as he picks it up 90 falls off he's like what i did it This isn't true. Everyone at the table gave you guff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I must have had about six or seven shrimps. You did have a lot, but you kept not putting the cocktail sauce on it. No, it was on it. You were glazed? He would take some off, and then he'd go, I'm Zandini. It doesn't affect me. Oh, man. He goes, yeah, because you're not doing it. You got to scoop it, dude. I had a lot. It hurt my belly really bad. Yeah, everyone in the squad got sick. I was fine.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I was like, I was born in this darkness.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Upon your recommendation. I mean, eating the whole thing, and that's tough. Who was I with? Maybe...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah. Not for me. Yeah, it'll fuck you up. Good for the science. It's great for the science. Me and Lamise went to town on them. Me and Lamise went nuts on them. Then I went to the airport the next day and there's one there and I ate some at the airport. I ate some before departure at like 11 a.m. I was like... And it's one of those, like, where the restaurant's, like, basically in the walkway.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Like, there's just a tiny fence separating you. So people were just walking by at 11 a.m. I'm like... Fuck! Just going back for it? Just kept going for it. I don't know. Horse rash doesn't fuck my stomach up. Yeah, I don't know. I was probably just nervous. I feel like the spice just goes away right away. It does. That's what I'm saying. And it doesn't affect me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Like, if I eat, like, really spicy food, that can fuck you up. Oh, for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
That's disrespectful. It's crazy. I think the last time you did it, it was a mistake, but a big glob fell off. And everyone at the table noticed.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, but with the crackers, it's easier. That's what the crackers are there for.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I mean, you and then bragging while you were doing it. This is nothing to me. I'm Zandini.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
what is this this is a behind the music i'm finding out about a lot of rich things i'm just finding out about rich things i just found about auctions that you can buy like from people's estates i told you about the estate sales are sweet bought a bunch of the oj gear huh i didn't tell you this i thought you're talking about like estate sales like on the corner where you just go to a dead guy's house and buy his chair no not like a yard sale like a garage sale no like literally like oj simpson's estate what auctioned a bunch of his stuff and
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I got it. You got some of his stuff? Mm-hmm. What'd you get? The other glove? They were up for sale. What? There was a couple sets with gloves. I did not get them. I got all of his ties, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
And now I've got to find out what this gold belly is. Dude, I was... I can ship that stuff to my house. Yes. You can get food from anywhere.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
That's another one. Yeah, I'm fully against this. Yeah. You do got to make a cheesesteak is the easiest.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I think they're fibbing. You think he's fibbing? Yeah, I think they're fibbing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
You should have thrown in the hummus encampment.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, yeah. Since I've tried. It's just as hard. They escape. So, I bought a bug light. You got a bug light? I got a bug zapper out there. That's, you know, kind of the opposite of what you're doing, but just as fun. You're battling. You sit in the hot tub and all of a sudden. God damn, that guy. You get some of these big, the bugs out here are so big. My dad's big on bugs. When they die, they go.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
You hear them hit the fucking bug light and they go, Jesus. God damn. Another great investment, taking care of yourself. You know, you're talking about these bugs. I didn't even think about that. Why don't you think about yourself? Traditional therapy can get crazy expensive, though, like between $100 to $250 a month or more or something like that. Therapy is worth it, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
And you do have options like BetterHelp, the help with the bet on it. It could help you save up to 50% per session. While getting you the help you need. I've had a lot of sessions where I think about myself. Yeah. Take care of myself. I like therapy because... I've benefited from therapy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Everyone could learn something from therapy. Yeah. Because it teaches you positive coping skills.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
And set boundaries. How you're doomed. Yeah. Basically, you get on a Zoom call and you talk about how dumb your family is. Hate to break it to you. Your family are idiots and you're doomed. With BetterHelp, you can work toward being the best version of yourself while saving money. And because everything is online, it's easier to get into a session with your schedule.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I love getting online sessions. Love that. With just a few clicks, you can be talking to one of their therapists. You can even switch therapists at any time for any reason. Your wellbeing is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com slash MSSP to get 10% off your first month. That's Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
People shitting themselves stories are like the best. Dude, they hold up. I don't know who it was. I'm trying to remember who it was. You remember the guy, he shit himself on a train? And then had to throw his pants out the window of the... No one remembers this?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Thank you. Thank you. If you wait, he'll be down to eat steak and beans.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I feel like it's either somebody we know or a Barstool guy, and I can't remember.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I'm sorry to cut you. Who the fuck is shitting? Who's risking a fart on a date?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Salisbury steak. Salisbury steak and beans. I had some beans last week. Did you really? What kind of beans? Just so you know. Baked beans. You guys can laugh all you want, dude. Beans. Baked beans rock, dude. You don't understand this. I ate those beans so you all could run, dude. I was in Philly eating beans, and now look at us. We made it off the beans, dude. Trust me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
We wouldn't be here without Bush's baked beans from my parents' house that I drove two hours to get and drove back to Philly with a grocery bag of baked beans and chunky soup. It's going to be the new Margaritaville, dude. Steak and beans. You sure? Delicacy could be some chunky soup.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, you're going to get diarrhea. It's actually like a cleanse.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
We're going to hire another big guy to just play Xbox. Go like Disney World. It's animatronic. It's just a guy playing Xbox.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Back to the game. Yeah. We get the whole band, though. We get all the boys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I do like the Chuck E. Cheese animatronic, though, of these three coming out. You on the flute, animatronic Matt on the flute, you three in the back playing keyboards and shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It is. You fucking... Steak and beans. Jane's steak and beans.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I'm talking borderline slushy. Don't talk about that. I get brewskis tomorrow. I'm trying to stay off the brewskis. I got to wait until tomorrow. And I know I got a six-pack of BLs in that fridge. Oh, man. Where are you going tomorrow? I got to go Pittsburgh way. I got a long-ass fucking week. I got to go to Pittsburgh, and then I'm going to stay in Pittsburgh Thursday, Cleveland Friday, D.C.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Saturday, and then Sunday I'm going to go to the Masters. What? Yes. That'll be sick. And they gave me one extra ticket. And they were like, my manager was like, you should take Gerben. He loves golf. I was like, that hang is going to suck dick. And I called him because he loves golf. So I called him and I was like, bro, I got us tickets to the Masters on Sunday, which is that's the day. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Oh, dude. Very easy. Short sentences, four word sentences.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
And he was like, oh, my God. I was like, all you have to do is drink six beers. And he was like, I can't do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I just I can't. I don't know what to tell you. I can't do it. He was practicing. He does drink. He's just a little fuck. What? Everybody that talks to me is like, yeah, Gervin was wrecked. I saw him. I'm like, that fucking asshole won't drink with me. Why? He does every single time. He always drinks. Yeah, you're going to get him a beer. But he's always a little reluctant baby. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
He was drinking three Bud Lights and watching the Phillies. That was last baseball season. I'm sure this baseball season, especially the Phillies, are off to a red hot start. Yeah, so what's going on with him? He's just being a baby. He just does that. Yeah. It's like his nature. Yeah. To be like, I'll take you to the Masters if you drink a six pack of light beer throughout the day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It's like six hours. Yeah, it's not that bad. It's nothing. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
He's got to do it. I was like, you have one hour to respond. And I hung up. And then he never responded, so I was like, you're coming. I got you the ticket. That's so fucking funny. He called my bluff. That's so funny. So me and Gerby Babies at the Masters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I had to buy, yeah, you can't wear this. What do you got to wear? Like a polo? You got to kind of wear, yeah. I just got to find pants that aren't jeans. Go to Dick's. I'll go to Dick's Sporting Goods.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I ordered a bunch of Under Armour golf gear, but I hope it's not skin tight because I'm not wearing tight pants and walking around all day in fucking Georgia. I didn't even think about it from that angle. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah. I think it'll actually be nice weather, though. Probably.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I'm going to make sure I ruin this experience. I'm bringing him there to ruin the Masters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Irish space shuttles is so fucking funny. Boy, I bet the Masters has good shuttles. Oh, probably.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I don't know, though. It's a lot of fucking people out there. Yeah, you're right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
But I'm sure they are. But I feel like that's the one it's like, I don't know if it's going to be like Kentucky Derby where everyone just gets dressed up and gets fucking obliterated. Yeah. Golfers. This is Mecca. This is like a genuine. True. But in honor to order or honor the golf gods, you do get wrecked, but I'm sure they're very strict about it there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, it's awesome. They build, like, a stadium around the course. And they just get fucking hammered. Like, they build, like, big stands.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Kind of, yeah, on certain holes. I think the 17th. I think the 17th at the Waste Management. What's the waste management thing? That's just like a tournament? It's just a PGA tournament in Phoenix. Dang. People go nuts there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Hole to hole. Some people post up. Yeah. You get a good spot at a hole. Just chill. Just chill. I don't know how you don't get fucking obliterated at this thing. Just sitting outside in a beautiful area. Yeah. Just waiting for another golfer to come by.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah. It's fun to be there and play.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Kirby's is going to be in heaven. He's going to be in heaven.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah. It's so fucking fun. He's spending his tires money on a sick indoor golf thing in his garage.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
the video of him practicing is so funny and losing his club into the trees oh one time we were at the bar and he was like he just he's always he's one of those guys that once he started playing golf it's the only fucking thing he talks about yeah literally it's the only thing he talks about at all fucking times and uh we're at the bar and he was like could you put on the uh tournament
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Came back like I had that alligator skin. But... I've got it right now. I was staring at my skin the entire meeting I was just having. For one straight hour, I was going, God damn, I got dry skin. Yeah, I do that every now and again. Shane, what do you think of that? Yeah. For sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
And they're like, oh, sure. So we're just watching golf. And he's like, God, I'd just love to be like a commentator for one of these things. I think I could do it. And I was like, well, it's on mute now. Just commentate.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
just commentate now and i made him sit next to me and commentate on the golf it was so good he's like and uh rory rory he's looking good today he's uh oh that was a good shot and uh it's good for him he's off so the next golfer it was just because he was like that's my dream and then i made him do it and i was like see how bad you are he's ruined his dream you can't do your dream yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It's impossible, but he went for it. He believed in himself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I don't know. Does he go golfing a lot or does he stay? Yeah, he goes. Well, he's up in PA now, so he's been on the indoor for a while. But I'm sure he's ready to break loose. Spring has sprung. True. The Gerbys is out. Westchester has nice courses.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah. That makes sense. I think they're crud.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, why don't you keep playing? This is the best round of your life.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Also, this is just nap. This is nap time. For real. Which I understand. My dad watched a lot of golf. Naps to it. Perfect. It's the best nap. Yeah. But if other people are around and you're like, put on the PGA Tour. Also, it's not Sunday. You're watching fucking Friday night.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, you don't have to talk. Yeah, she's on vacation. We can chill.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
We can watch fucking remodeling shows.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I ran into a wife crusher last night. What? Put on Interstellar. Really? Not for the babes. There's a lot going on. You've got to explain relativity in the middle of a movie. But it's emotionally charged. You go, well, what's going on there with relativity? And I go, well, I know what it is, but I can't explain it to you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It was, yeah, but it worked. It worked eventually, but there was a lot of questions. Yeah, like, wait. There was a lot of questions. He's behind the fucking bookshelf because he's in another dimension. Yeah, somehow humans built the other dimension within the black hole to guide him there from the future because we figured it, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah. They were trying to say, like, I can't believe you guys have smoked enough weed to think you understand quantum physics.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Both of you are like, no, I get it. It's very simple. You don't. You don't understand.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I know you remember the words. Neither of you can explain any of it. I can explain it right now. You can explain quantum mechanics to me?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
You're already off to a good start with rest upon. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I do remember that. I know what that is. And if you're looking, it's there. If you're not looking, that one?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
he's like now steve's a family man through and through and he's like a guy taking his family to a football game he shits his pants it's so funny dude it's so funny i shit my pants before the super bowl did you six sixth grade oh shit yeah i was trying to cut weight got vicious diarrhea from not eating or eating some crazy shit
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
And you've wrapped your head around that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It is cool, without a doubt. It's just super cool. But yeah, I just never got high enough to be like... You got to get high as fuck. I fully understand this. I don't feel that's a thing. It's a bottomless mystery. I think while you're high, you feel like you fully understand it. You're in awe. That's the thing. I'm just in awe. I know he believes he understands it, and that's fine.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah, I could say things like this. Anybody can say things like this. This is true. It's just like unlimited energy and waves.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
That was good. That was a good rundown.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Fucking bullshit. Yeah, right. You get Nat Geo?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
That's sick. I haven't seen a good Nat Geo in forever. I used to be so pumped when I would get a hold of a Nat Geo.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It's good to have, and it's good to tell people you have them. You go, I actually have The Atlantic.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
And then right when we got to, right when we drove the whole way to the field, I shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Steak and beans. Steak and beans. The mayor, you need to stop focusing on quantum physics and focus on getting your jack-off computer out of a kitchen.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Imagine the quantum goon. Two guys can jack off in the same apartment at once. Two male roommates can jack off in the same apartment at once.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Lemaire, stop. Not the kitchen. It's the gravity. He's sending me coordinates. I learned about dark matter today.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
It was what we call the Super Bowl. It was just pony. Yeah, what do you mean? And shit, yeah, I was in sixth grade. I was playing in the Super Bowl. I was trying to cut weight for the bowl.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah. We got to switch over to the Patreon. God bless. So bad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
No, no, the Rams, Rams Titans. That was sixth grade, sixth grade Super Bowl. Titans weren't going to let me play unless I cut weight. No, I had to lose weight. You were about to play in the bowl. Yeah, I was about to play in the bowl. First bowl game. That was my first Super Bowl.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
And I shit. And then I tied a hoodie around my waist. I was wearing white shorts. And I knew it had to have gone through. It was a spurt. It was a spurt. It was right when I was getting out of the car. Some people were just watching me walk away. And I tied my hoodie around my waist like a fucking weirdo.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I wasn't staring at my skin. I know. I've been pretty spacey today, too. I wasn't staring at how red my face is the entire Zoom meeting, just going, Jesus Christ.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
We probably got some good shit-your-pants stories out of this crew. It looks like we got some bruisers in this squad. Yeah, I... Well, Meezy, when's the last time? Meezy, yeah. Come on, man. I'm not a pantshitter.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
No, when you say you don't really, I mean, the last time I shit my pants was like sixth grade. It's not like I really shit my pants.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
By the way, as I was saying it, I realized that's a complete lie. We've got to save the tails for the book. True. You should take this to Simon & Schuster.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
You've got nothing on me. Take this to Simon & Schuster. I feel like there's guys that shit their pants a lot. Didn't Del Calo talk about it a lot?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I bet you guys are shitting your pants at the creek in the cave a lot when you guys are out. Yeah, I probably have shit my pants. Lamar, why are you acting like this isn't you?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Or just had a messy fart? That counts. A messy fart is what basically we're talking about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I fart in my sleep. You stink fucking rooms. You can't even think of it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I should do cat face. Just put the cat face. You ever see that lawyer? It was during COVID, and an old guy had to call in for a thing, and his grandkids were fucking with the computer, and it was like a cat. When he talked, it would talk, and he was like... I'm not a cat. And they're like, yeah, we know. It's classic. That is pretty good. I've been fired up. There's too many skeeters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
How was the episode received? I figured, right? Yeah, because it was supposed to be a Patreon episode. Yeah, I know. Me, Guard Dog, and we let the squad down a little. No, I don't think so at all. I thought we had it. I thought we had one. You guys went into the fucking... We were at Chappelle's. We had it. We recorded it. The ask is great. Dude, I'm so scared of asking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I've asked Chappelle to do so many things.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I was like, Dave, this is crazy. Feel free to say no. We got to do a podcast. Depends when you ask him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah. And then in the morning you go, there's no way he's going to do that. Yeah. And then he was like, I don't want to do it. And I was like... Fair. Fine. And then I waited like 20 minutes. I called him back and I was like, dude, dude, just do the fucking podcast.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
They're not fucking... But then we did it and the audio is... Not Guard Dog's fault, but the audio is horrendous. Maybe we'll put it out on Patreon, but it's not... I listen to some. The audio is not... It's just... I had... I was just nervous and the conversations just kind of... Me... it's one of those podcasts we do where you go, I'm just going to tell him these stories.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I'm talking only to him. Yeah. Everybody that's listened to it has heard me tell these stories. Yeah. 900 times, but I'm just trying to talk to him. I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
But the mic was on the bar and he was just walking around. Such a power move. So you can't really hear him. Yeah. He'll hop in sometimes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Literally, I'm just sitting there going, no one's going to be able to hear this. He's just walking around.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
yeah i don't know you should have lobbed him with the mic i think he rightfully doesn't doesn't give a fuck yeah he just didn't give a fuck and i was you know i was like we're not gonna film it there's no video yeah you know that's sick because he's always worried about getting clipped yeah like everything he says someone's gonna clip yeah true and it's like yeah he's he was he was in the crossfire for a while or the crosshairs for a while there with netflix
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
Yeah? Oh, yeah. What is it? What's it called?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
The skeeters, the Texas mosquitoes. They do. They don't.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
I never had access to old black people radio. It's fucking sick. It's like four songs. Central PA did not even close. I mean, I remember being excited when we got popped.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
When's it coming? I haven't done it yet. I'm just going to say my friend Matt's a Hollywood pedophile. That's all I'm going to do. He's going to go, what? I'm going to say, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 554 - Shane's Steak and Beanz
you gotta do Shay Shay no I just I would love to whenever I'm hopefully I can be in town for it where is where is he where is Shay Shay I don't know they were talking about doing it in Vegas at one point dang but I don't know where it is me either it's probably LA or Atlanta I was thinking I was thinking yeah where do they film Shay Shay Yeah, I've been checking in. I can probably get in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Oh, dude, that's the best. When did you jump off the porch? They all use, like, good slang.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Oh, Skrilla was, he interviewed Skrilla on one of them. And Skrilla was the man. Skrilla is the man. So far, everybody in Philly was like, Mr. Disrespectful.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I was like, Matt's going to do it, and Matt's going to try his hardest. And there's going to be no... There's no pressure. Like, he's going to just be like, I'm going to do my best. That's exactly what I did. Yeah, I know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
RIP. Bro. He got killed. It was the funniest interview I've ever seen. He's like, so why do they call you Mr. Disrespectful, bro? He's like, I'll just really be disrespecting everybody. It's like, all right, you fucking asshole.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, he got killed right after that interview. Yeah. But Skrilla was the only one that, because every time he always asks, he's like, would you put the guns down if the ops put the guns down? And everyone's always like, no, we got to exterminate the ops. Yeah. Skrilla was just like, yeah. Yeah. For sure. I think he had like a nice upbringing. Or nicer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I did like Mr. Disrespectful. I love, yeah. It was pretty fun to look how he handled himself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Did you know that that's what it was going to be like?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, you see, I've gotten in fights at games.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's crazy how people think they can talk to you during a football game.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Because you can just destroy somebody and just shove them. I had some Michigan fans a while ago. Did you? Behind me and my cousin. Bro. And my cousin's nuts. He's out of his mind. And these guys were talking shit. And they're like, oh, what are you guys going to do about it? And I was just like, we're going to fucking kill you guys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
They did. They were the row behind us. But we would have fucked them up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, I guess I have been in every game I go to. The Ohio State-Notre Dame game.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That's family business. All right? Don't bring up Notre Dame.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
People are going to catch some strays. After all we did for the whole world, the Catholic Church. I know, dude. What did Penn State do? One title in 60 years under Joe Puff?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You get fired for that around Notre Dame, right?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I think that's mine. What are you doing with it? Let's get mad at coffee.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's too big. So when I was living here, I started to like – not like Penn State, but you know what I mean. I'm like – Yeah, exactly. I know some of the guys that played for him now, and it's like –
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
especially in the south where like the north they can't play football yeah yeah yeah so then you start to be like now penn state's actually not bad yeah and then i went back home for five months surrounded by my friends yeah i fucking hate penn state i fucking hate them i hate them dude
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's the semifinals. So we're down to four. It's going to be Ohio State-Texas on Friday.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
i i mean yeah i i maybe or maybe i just dissociated it makes total sense that's why i spazzed and talk shit on saving like the fake because he was like what do you think about the game and i was like i don't know fucking nick saving cheated it was just a full spaz it was so good though i mean that i get i'd like to explain that because that was so
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You were drunk trying to get into the cemetery.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
The Freedom Trail. Isn't that what it's called? No.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
What's his name? You see that? Sam from Boston. No, he used to do the... Yeah. Sam Huck used to do that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He used to be a reenactor on that. Yeah. Anyway.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
after i said that we had to go into the stadium to sit at the desk which is where he didn't he wasn't with us when i said it the first time yeah yeah so then i got in there and right before we go on he looks at me and he's like i heard what you said and i was like holy shit and then herb street and mcafee were like he's just breaking your balls dude he loves messing with guys like he's literally just fucking with you and i was like oh all right i'll fuck with him back
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
so dude they have they have oh god they have those dumb plates you can buy that's exactly what this fucking dipshit brought well dude they have you want to hang it in here they have like a bucket and they have they have little day one during his panic attack from moving he thought he was dying he was laying on my couch like i'm dying it's like you're just you're just nervous from the move bro it's okay how many didn't you drink like 10 jake paul drinks on the way down here
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It was a good time. It was New Year's Eve. It was a good time. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yes. Strictly business. Straight from the Cheers bar. You were nothing but serious at this point.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
We can fuck around. So then I would have never done that if I thought he was serious. Yeah. But they told me he was fucking around. So I started fucking with him. And then as soon as we get done, I tell Herb Street and McAfee, I'm like, bro, he was definitely serious. And they were like, no way he was serious. Go talk to him. So I went up to him after news like,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Who does he think he is touching? Obviously my wife.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
The horniest guys on earth are guys talking to car girls that golf. Those are the horniest guys. There's videos. There's videos. You can find it. There's some good videos online of guys coming up to car girls and like, you understand how beautiful you are, right? Like what you do, you brighten my day. Like cutting her off from getting back in the cart and being like, I love you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
yeah and just just out of like like literally innocent it's the hottest outfit possible yeah it's like tennis skirt and polo i was trying to figure out i was like is this a thing i thought it was just like a one-off and she comes to give you drinks and snacks really while you're already hammered on the golf course and you go see i didn't know that and while your wife is saying where are you you've been gone too long you go bitch i'm on the third fucking hole
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I went to the driving range a couple times. Driving range is sick. With Gerby's. He loves it. It's all Gerby's talks about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
People might come up and be like, who are you? I'm hiking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
My daughter was, I'm from Pennsylvania. My daughter went missing. I think she's a car girl.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, you can play. People ask me to go golfing all the time. I'm like, bro, I'll hit a 250. Yeah. You won't believe the number I'll hit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
The back nine, you're blacked out. You get to drive a golf cart around. You go, watch this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
They got to figure out how to hit it under pressure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You think the SEC dominated because we cheated? That's bullshit. And he spats on me. Weren't you helping him down? So he was still on the stage and I was on the field. So after he yelled at me, I had to help him down. And he looked around to see if anybody else could help him, but I had to help him down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, if I hit a car, I'm obviously leaving and not telling anyone I did that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I was hammered just watching them play ping pong at night. Yeah, that was... It was great. I just sat on the couch, watched you guys try your hardest, diving. Were you surprised about the fucking... It was really good. But then I did... When you went to bed, I said... I'm going to bring in my old workhorse, Chris O'Connor. Get down here. I know O'Connor's going to be good at this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That was my favorite part of the trip, probably. I was talking you and James into going back down and competing again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, they were like, Matt told me who won. They played three games?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Okay. It was an easy one. Even Hammer did just be like, James, didn't you just say you won the game? He did.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
And then they both are like, no, no. We had to go back upstairs. You guys were itching to play anyway.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I'd see you out there. I'd like to see you at a home run derby. I bet you can hit it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, because it was scary because someone was throwing a fast pitch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Just kill me. Knock me the fuck out. I'm done with this day already.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You're going to break a fucking collarbone or something. I'm not worried about bones.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That's a nightmare to have it slowly zoom on your face for a full episode. Dude, that was the best.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Bro, it's skate life at this point. That's what I'm talking about. You're a skater boy. You're obviously going to seduce women. I'm not going to. Well. Come on, man. Look, here's what I'm about. If I see a guy on the board, I go, honey, don't look. Honey, close your fucking eyes. Don't look.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Next time I do game day, I'm dressing exactly like him. I'm wearing that hat.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
There's a guy on the pump track going one mile an hour. Don't look.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
How many bails have you been bailing out in Arlie?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Like a little skullcap. Is that Ralph? Is Ralph the bully? No, Ralph Nelson. But Nelson's friend. Nelson's friend is who I was thinking of.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I feel like all the skater girls look like Jimbo Jones and Dolph Starbeam.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You're trying to show off for the little kids. You're Matt Skate Dusky.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I have San Antonio, Dallas, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, Vancouver, Seattle, Minneapolis, Tampa, Jacksonville. Be on the lookout. Let me see who's not selling tickets. What the heck's going on here? Whoa. Birmingham, Alabama. I need you. I'll be in Birmingham, Alabama. April 26th. What else you got? Go ahead.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Hey, everybody. Hello. It's me, LaMare. January 16th, I'm going to be at Hilly-Philium. Hilly-Philium. Hilly-Philium. Come to that. That'll be sick. Hilly-Philium. January 19th, the Emmaus Theater. Please come there. Yeah. LaMare, leave that fun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Goodbye. Thank you. Let's get back to that fun episode. Hey, Sean. No, you decide. Stop rolling your eyes, dude. God. I'm just joshing you, bud. Hot motherfucking day. I mean, it's been so wonderful to be back. It's been nice, man. To see the fellas.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
But now they're back. Now the bros are back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Now you're back. Now you guys run the mothership. Now that I'm back, you guys get to walk around with your chest held a little higher. You go, do you know who my friend is?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You should, dude. Why not? You guys got to do battle with the Kill Tony crew. Yeah, you guys. You have to. We can't do that, dude. Why? You have to battle them. They think they own you guys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Don't get me started, dude. I'll do it. You will do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You're going to do it without us even fucking asking. And I'm not defending you. I'm going to side with the Kill Tony crew. The Kill Tony crew of mutants versus guard dog.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You're going to have to take on the mutants.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I have not publicly spazzed. I've independently spazzed. I've privately spazzed. I've privately spazzed a lot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I think I think I I kind of was right though. Now that the SEC isn't the only conference that can pay players.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
They hate me over there. You know what the beef, this is the beef. I'm going to manifest it. Hans Kim versus Nate Marshall.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I need that beef. That'd be a good beef. That's a good beef.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's going to be such an easy one to start. Just immediately have Nate be like, he didn't say shit, but what if he did? Yeah, it'd be fun to get in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
No, there's a fucking creature that lives in my house that sprints across the roof, dude. It literally sounds like a man. It sounds like it's two feet. It's just like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And it'll stay still for an hour.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's either a raccoon or a possum. I've seen a couple possums around this way. I do like the possums. I've seen them crawl across the fence back there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, it's not. So that's the thing. I think a lot of the coaches can distance themselves from it. Be like, I don't fucking, we didn't pay players. I don't know how all these guys got Dodge Chargers, but I didn't fucking do it. I don't know how everyone on the team has chains and cars.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
No. What, the smell? No, it couldn't be a dead animal on the roof that smells bad for a year.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He does like to grub. He just wants to grub. He seemingly wants a way out. He just doesn't care, dude. How's his legs? How's his surgery? His leg's good. It went well?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Well, I was, I've been telling, I'm like, but it might be even weirder if you're like, no, honey, your vagina is great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Dude, I wish Notre Dame was fucking cheating.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Notre Dame vacated wins because a couple players cheated on, like, a summer class. Meanwhile, the SEC was like, we'll give Cam Newton $500 million if he comes to this school. Yeah, true.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Free time's pretty sick. Although, too much free time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I just had too much free time. Once we finished filming Tires, and then I was just in Westchester. Nothing to do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
He hates Notre Dame, dude. Fuck him. What's his problem? I don't know. He dresses like a cat. He literally looks like a cartoon cat.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
An empty house, silent, and then they're like, I'll just go across the street and walk along the creek. That's chill. It was nice. That's chill. But it was also dead silent out there. You walk back in your house, it's a giant, silent, old fucking house from the 1700s. I'm just standing in there like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
fuck i gotta do stand-up that gets so disorienting we're like what am i the sun goes down at fucking 2 p.m yeah i'm just standing there in the dark a haunted house the house makes noises i'm scared now and it's dark for 10 straight hours it's dark to i'm awake the whole time it's dark it's scary i'm scared for hours it was remote too it was very remote and i was very scared
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That's how you got rid of your Christmas tree?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I wish I was doing crazy. I had a couple fires. I had some fires going. Bro, I'm telling you. I spent most of my time standing outside looking for drones. That was a fun nighttime task. I would go, ooh, there's no clouds tonight. I'm going to go try to find drones. If you got a sighting, that would have been that. I saw several planes that I stood there for 10 minutes watching. That could be.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Are your neighbors out, or is this just you and your family?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
We had our friends over. Dude, the neighbors must be like, what the fuck's this guy doing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You should just expand throughout your neighborhood.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
My sister's running into a big problem with Indian neighbors.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Her whole neighborhood's Indian people. Bruh.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's just wild. Ah, it's not good. Everyone's holding hands, walking outside. Or they hold hands.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
that's the move where it's an indian lady and then the husband's five feet behind her hands behind his back they did get that right that's nice going on a walk with your lady blows stagger it try to hold hands or something it's like i'm walking yeah hey i'm walking here what is three-legged race and then you get like a narrow part of the path and you slow down to let her go first then she slows to instinctively stops yeah you go no yeah this is a single file part of the path
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I hit my lady with one of those recently. I was like, god damn, I've been sitting around.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Nice. Yes, sir. Let's switch over to the Patreon. We'll see you on the Patreon, good friends.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Is Scamalib? Yeah, dude. Scam Noodle. Yeah, I guess you could tell by the fucking outfit. Yeah, bro. Otherwise, it's Scam Noodle.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Just dueling Gordons. Especially if we got in an argument.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
But it was funny. Scam Newton, I was wrong about him, though, in the NFL. I remember having a very intense argument with my college roommates being like, Jimmy Clawson is a professional passer from Notre Dame. Cam Newton, you can't run like that in the NFL, dude. This guy's going to get fucking killed. He dominated his whole career. He was incredible. He's changed the game.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
yeah he was nasty did you see him throw hands at one time yes he's also terrifying so that was kind of nice we're just joking around scam yeah scam i'll stop going scam cam you're the man oh scram no you'd be scram newton scram newton yeah scrambling yeah he there was the man he really like it's wild to be that old and get like into like i mean i would say the bleeding edge of fashion Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
It's crazy. It's also weird to be that big. Yeah, true. You can't be like giant and wearing cool stuff. It looks nuts. It's very erotic to be threatening. You ever see Magic Johnson's son? I just saw a video of him yesterday. He's still going nuts, dude. Yeah. What's that kid's name? I mean, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Yeah, when they zoom in on my face, I was like, fuck, they're definitely going to catch me being a little bitch. Like you say something to me being like, oh, yeah, right. As if. As if, Matt. It's good to be back. It's fantastic. Last time I saw you was Notre Dame.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That would be crazy. No, I was right about that. Did he? Did he attack the UCLA football coach with a kettlebell? What? Yeah. Primal? You think it was a primal on it? It was probably, yeah. It was probably facing a gorilla head.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Damn, his son was pretty good, it looks like. Really? I don't know if he played ever because his dad attacks him with a kettlebell.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Three way. I mean, all facets of the game. You had it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Actually, Saban mentioned he said, who was that guy who kicked that ball?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
True. I do wish my father had held it down like Diddy like that. Yeah, man. Came down to Elon with me the whole year I was riding the bench, just attacked our strength and conditioning coach with a kettlebell. Got his ass beat by our strength and conditioning coach.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Occasionally, he would come watch practice, which was a little weird. Was he quiet, though? He didn't say anything. He just would look over, and you'd see a car in the parking lot. You'd be like, how bored is this fucking guy? No, he probably loves it, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Phil could be your mentor. That would be nice. Phil could mentor you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
I think my mom just had knee surgery today and my dad's not home helping her because he's going to a girls basketball practice. We'll be like, Phil, skip the fucking practice. No way. She just helped him the entire time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
The whole time he was recovering from that. I mean, girls are so good at that. Day two. She got surgery yesterday. Really? And he's already, he's like, I got to go to the practice. Duty calls.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
That was like, so when I was on my way there and I hit up McAfee, because I don't know, I wanted to get the bros on. For sure. And I was like, the only thing I can think of is Matt coming out. If Matt kicks a field goal, he'll do it. You know what I mean? Like anybody else would be like, fuck no. Like, that's, like, scary. Dude, I don't know. When you told me... And Matt just answered.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
K&N, bro. Yeah, I know. Just fucking ketamine.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
You just go down. You just go down. Yeah, that's nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 540 - Cosmic Balance
Ain't nobody control. I've been watching a YouTube guy that you've probably watched or would enjoy. There's like a Pakistani English guy. I think he's Pakistani. I don't know. For sure. But he goes to America to go to hoods and interview people. Really? In the ghetto. Dude, that's a huge genre right now. So, Brav, when did you decide to jump off the porch?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
The Wild Wild West. You guys want to smoke another cigarette out there and perv out or what?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
But, yeah, man, he's iced out now. He's got the swastika ice fucking flooded on both sides, too. If you can't flood the other side of swastika, it's flooded on both sides.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, I mean, it'll be interesting, man. This is just a phase. He's going to be on to something else. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Oh, man. Yep. Yeah, he was showing that thing off. Oh, shit. I mean, here's the thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
No, hell yeah. It's all flooded out, bro. You were just saying if anyone else can't flood the other side of there, so I'll stick a diamond. They're swastika diamond pendant. He was calling them a loser. He said, what are you, a fucking loser? Damn. Yeah, he's flexing, man. He's got a new song. His new songs are out. You read the lyrics. They're pretty. I mean, they're so funny. I haven't. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
well do these guys seem so confident they're in like a very like so goddamn cool room and they were like well obviously tesla driving a tesla reduces your testosterone by 18 and the other guy goes i mean yeah that that's indisputable the emfs they're trying to say the emfs from electric vehicles lower your testosterone and i can't get it out of my head
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Oh, his new raps are tough to find. Oh, they're on Twitter. He's doing like vocal runs of like the lyrics. And it's like, again, he is a wordsmith. But it's just about him being a Nazi. That's so funny. Oh, it's a Nazi album? I mean, the cover of the album is a giant swastika as well. He's fond of them right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
it was a joke he's doing it man and you know that's the uh i mean it is a good experiment like what if we just let all the worst stuff out of the bag and you know maybe it'll prove that most people actually are pretty level-headed and they'll just be like oh fuck this is weird but uh we feel confident this won't catch on that's the thing i think people worry this is gonna catch on and people are gonna be like hold on a second actually yeah yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I feel like every, I don't know, I feel like black men do have a hall pass right now to be like, dude, this is my favorite artist. I don't know, I was just trying it out too. Black men kind of have a Nazi hall pass for the next, I think 2025 is all about the black male Nazi hall pass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Lamar, as a hill dyer yourself, you've got to be just taking notes. Is that what you're taking notes on right now?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
They might be hitting more of the white algos right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
That makes sense. My algo is crazy, dude. I'm the least xenophobic guy in the world. And I get nothing... I get nothing but just the craziest content. Yeah. And, you know, I watch it, but it's like it's so hard. It works. I become hateful. It works really well. It literally is is all hate. It's for real. Yeah. And it works. I mean, it's just it works is that it gets the most numbers every fight.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Seven million views. And then I watched a really like it was like a genuinely touching video of like it was like a bunch of like young black kids about to fight. And this old man came up and gave him. Do you see that? Yeah. Give him the speech. Like, what are you doing? Blah, blah, blah. I checked the view count. I was like 200,000. Then it was just a lady getting socked in the face.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I got picked up on an Uber the other day, and I was like, God damn, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Seven million. I was like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Maybe they'll rise, the thousand-man slut ladies. Everyone's worried about Kanye and his Nazi army. What if those ladies rise? That's a problem. They're putting together an army. They are, dude. They could send those thousand men. One of them's pregnant. One of the sluts. One of the sluts. That was fake. It was fake? It was fake. Well, wasn't she like raising awareness? That made no sense.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
She goes, using my platform to raise awareness for pregnant ladies. I'm a lady? Yeah, that's some bullshit. You shouldn't fake being pregnant. That's not right. I agree. It's a classic. Why was she faking it? What a fucking psycho lady move.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Fuck you, dumb bitch. If you put that trial on her, I'll fucking kill you, bitch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I'm sure. Well, she would have showed that fast either. I got trained. I'm a fucking dumbass. I should have known that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Or maybe months ago. And perhaps before that thousand man gangbang, she was maybe up to some other lewd acts before that. No, her?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
That's all we'll have now. That's the world, dude. In 2030, it'll just be Nazi men and thousand lady slut gangbangs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
That's a weird arms race because then someone's got to go. There's got to be like a speed of sound kind of thing. Like someone's going to hit the absolute limit. Or do you try to work it where like if a thousand in a day, I'm still kind of like, I don't think it's to completion. Or is a gay guy going to step up and go, this is how guys do it?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I think thinking about your testosterone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Are we going to smash the record?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, where are all my motherfucking sweet boys at, man? Let's fucking fire this up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
We can't have them crushing the record. Although that could be one of those things. You ever see when guys go like, this is the women's powerlifting record and just crush it?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Women might. That might be their record, man. I don't know if a dude could break a thousand guys in the butt. That seems like it would actually kill you. In the butt's love. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
True. Happy St. Patrick's Day. Yeah. Got my green shirt. My whole family, we decked the kids out today. Gave them the little beads in their braids. Orange, white, and green. It was pretty sick. Yeah, we irished him out. It was pretty sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
You got to break out a celebratory claw.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
You did a kegger yesterday?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Did you get roasted or did you judge the roast? No, I was judging. That's sick. Yeah, it was pretty fun. I get anxiety thinking about those things. Yeah. Just being up on a roast battle, it would just get demolished and be like, no, seriously, you're being a fucking dick right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
This is bullshit. Even judging to catch one, I'm like, fuck you. You know what, man? I never do this. I never do this. Fuck you, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
She was very nice. She was nice. She was so nice. That's a smart gal. Take the stress off the real one and be like, here, fucking pull it out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
No, what were you saying?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
They stut them out. For breeding purposes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
The clone army. The clone army. No, that nation would be captured by the sluts instantly. That's what I'm saying. There would be serfs in the sluts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
You guys would be serfs in the sluts. Fuck the ladies pocket pussy in Metter. Dude, it'd be Simpsvane. Simpsvane, dude. No way, dude. Simsburg would be conquered immediately.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
How? That's your core. Did you ever see Inside Out? That's like the core marble. That's like the core memory. You're the loneliest guy alive.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Damn, the clone Nate would attack the clone the mares.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, true. Although the black skinhead Nazis would have some pussy going on. You know? They would be strictly... You guys, your queen would be... You guys would answer to your queen. The naked lady. Who's Kanye's naked wife?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
That's just one of his side... Yeah, that's like... I mean, that's his wife.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I think that's a room. They tricked me a couple times. Did they actually break up? I'm not sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I know. That's the funniest thing. She's being mind-controlled. Or she's a slut. Hey, that's a man's wife, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I think that's actually part of you hot wife to get a bull.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, you're a fucking bulldozer troll.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, you're absolutely right. Podcasting has destroyed... The EMF's coming from... I don't even know what they are, but those... The EMF's are coming from podcasts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
He might have the clone. He might have the clone on him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Well, there's a lot of enhanced ladies, too. A lot of ladies are going to start. We're going to have a lady singularity because they're starting to all look the same.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Time stomps. Dude, by the way, remember last week when I was saying on White Lotus when the guy said swastika? Yeah. He did say swastika. Everyone thought. They're like, no, it's swastika. I believed you. It was swastika.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Didn't she just have a movie come out too? I don't think so. They did like a movie in Japan that was called like Bianca. About her? Yeah, I swear to God. She starred in a movie in Japan.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
For sure. Surrender at the women. I mean, that's that. Huh? That's true. Yeah. She's got a movie started in Japan. You're tapped in. I take a break. I just go on. I put the phone down, bro. It's on X on my computer. I take a break from writing and I go, I go into X and I go, oh, shit. Holy fuck. It's happening. She's got a fucking movie on fun. Fucking in Japan.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Damn, what is the movie all about? I might fly to Japan and go to the premiere.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I might dress up a little bit. Yeah, I might dress up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
It could be the next summer block. This is the thing I was worried about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
If he comes out with a... Yeah, that's kind of... He's also banned from Italy, I think, from getting head on a boat. Oh, yeah. He's on the dongle and the gondola. He had plumbers crack. He was getting head. He had plumbers crack getting head on a boat in Italy. Apparently, Italy was like, you're not allowed to back in Italy. I can't believe Italy's against this. That's what I'm saying, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
That's like nothing for Italy. I would assume that's all Venice is. That's what it's about. You have a kid with a stick pushing you around. You have half your ass out. On a murky, fucking, shitty river. Madone. Yeah, this is a... I worry he's going to come out with an absolute summer banger, though. And everyone's going to be like, God damn, it's so good. That would be nice. It would be sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
But that's going to... That could charge things up. If people are saying, you know, people will like, if the song's good, people are going to rap it. So if there's like clubs full of people all summer, they'll be like, yeah, I'm a motherfucking Nazi. Yeah. Yeah, you know, that could be problematic.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, if I was like Jewish in the club, if the club got that turned up, I'd be like, fuck. Yeah, true. That could be a problem.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Every fucking person on the internet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
But, yeah, I think we're safe from that. I don't think the Nazi stuff is going to catch on culturally. People really worry about that. It's like, nah. What do you mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
No, I mean catch on, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
That's what I'm saying. But you're talking about a small percentage of people. There are already people banging like that. They just started tweeting about it. But if a fucking hit, undeniably hit, catchy song hits the mainstream, then it's a problem. But it's like, I don't know. Will people just fucking sing the song?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Because people listen to it. I don't know. If you think about gangster rap, does that have a weird subconscious sway? on like people's behaviors. I would say definitely. So maybe now I'm sounding like a white guy. No, I agree. I'm going to violent music. It makes you do violent things. That's his whole point.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Well, when Europe... That's the problem. When Europe gets tough guys... You got to watch their tough guys. Their tough guys go pretty wild.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
He's like, if we can talk about killing each other in songs, why can't I talk about being a Nazi? I hear you. But either way, let's get out of this. Switching gears. By the way, you guys can't see my band. I don't want you guys to see this. It's fucking real badass. Matt tried to take his own life. For real. Matt got sad. For real, dude. Water. Dude, a five-gallon glass water jug got me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I should have known. How the fuck? It's a five gallon jug. It's huge. I know. It's fucking massive. Where was that? Outside of my driveway. It got delivered. And I was like, you know, like my little thing near my garage. But I. What are you doing with it? I store. I store water. I always keep. I try to keep like 30 gals on me at all times. Why? Dude, remember when Philly? Were you in Philly?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I know you were in New York.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
philly had like chemicals spill into the river oh yeah and then i started i started getting them there then i kind of liked the five gallon glass jugs so i just kept getting them delivered to my new house and they were outside and there was just a fucking there was a hole and i saw water i'm like what the fuck and then i saw a hole in one of them i don't know if they got like slammed down and popped yeah maybe somebody a lawnmower shot i don't know what happened but there's a hole i'm like that's weird so i went to pick it up and the it just it was already cracked i couldn't see it's when i picked it up the weight of it just came down and fucking oh fuck gash me right before this
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I just dressed my wound and fucking, I apologize. This morning? Just now, like before I left.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Frank, it was bleeding. That's why I wrapped it so aggressively because it wouldn't stop bleeding. So I just wrapped it up and I was always like, you know, time do its thing. And also nicotine constricts the blood vessels. So I had to do that. Yeah, of course. I had to constrict my fucking blood vessels. I've been pretty disciplined on those things. They've been starting to fucking overcome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
They've been starting to break down. Yep, that's how it goes. So I'm no caffeine for lit. And honestly, dude, I think nicotine greater than caffeine, I would say.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
We need more Teslers over there in Europe. Teslers. Yeah, the right wing in Europe. I don't read enough about it, but I think they're fucking heating up. They're heating up. Boom, shock alarm. They're heating up. He's on fire.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
See, I couldn't. Now I can. Now I go, well, there's something better.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I wouldn't have the weekends. I wouldn't be writing, so I wouldn't be taking them, and I'd be like, man, I'm just really tired. I have no energy. I'm just really irritable right now. I must have some sort of bug. I'm like, oh, it's fucking nicotine withdrawal. God damn it. For sure. But no, I stay disciplined. I've been doing one a day. A three or one six? Huh? One three or one six? Three.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I'm a three milligram weirdo for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
like just like because you just yeah you're just paul's just swollen true sure thank you spicy it is spicy you swallowed a spicy dude i had a man don't stop taking notes yeah true man what did what's uh take me back to the last time our stenographer it says nicotine okay sir how'd you spell it uh n-i-c-o-t-i-n-e
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I was hoping there was a K in there. Dude, I think I might have outed myself as an absolute psycho to my neighbor yesterday. Walked outside. I usually in the morning, nobody's out back and I let my dogs out. And we have a little frisbee outside that I'll throw to Matilda every now and then in the morning.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
And if I'm in a rush, she doesn't get the frisbee, but she'll hit it and be like, and I was like, dude, you're not getting the frisbee. I was like, go pee. I was in a rush. I was like, go pee. My neighbor's on the other side of the fence. I was like, Matilda, go pee or I'll fucking kill you. And then I just hear, oh! I was like, ah!
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Oh, hi. I don't really know what I said, so it might have been even worse. I just say the worst shit. Whenever she doesn't listen, I'll be like, for real, I'll cut your fucking head off. I'll just say, the start of the day and the end of the night, that's the last thing I do before I go to bed. I let them in if they don't listen. I'm like, you motherfuckers, get in here. I swear to fucking God.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
The lady heard, I don't know what I said, but she heard me say it. She's like, oh. is she an older lady or yeah a little bit yeah oh i was like oh hey how you guys doing over there and i was like fuck what did i just say did you try to clean it up like i was just playing with him i talked to him like that not even i just let it run yeah i just let it ride
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah. That's how it ends. Our brothers in Europe, chill. Let us handle this shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
But, yeah, other than that, though, dude, my backyard's been popping, dude. Gardening might be my favorite thing ever. That's very nice. You got animals in there still? Nope. I put a cayenne. So I tried the red pepper flakes to keep out the mice, but they're flakes. You got to get pepper powder.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
My brother Kevin was telling me to get cayenne pepper powder, and I dumped like, I ordered like a pound of cayenne pepper powder and just dumped it where the, I fucked them up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah. Pause. This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. Oh, yeah. We're in the second half of the basketball season, and the race to the playoffs is heating up on PrizePix, the best place to cash in on your favorite sports. This is what we're thinking for picks this week. I mean, Shane, I'm looking at the basketball board and selecting, I don't know, maybe Jason Tatum for more than 25 points.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I like that a lot. I've never thought about Jalen Brown and doing fantasy sports action on more than four assists.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
It's awesome. Matt, get in the game. Well, ready to make some picks of your own? Check out PrizePix. I've been using these guys for a while now, and I'll tell you what. The app is really easy to use. To create a lineup, all you have to do is pick more or less on a few player stats for your shot to win up to 1,000 times your money. It's crazy. Prize picks. Right now, 1,000 times.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
It doesn't look good when they do it, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I mean, what are we doing, dude? Download the app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yes, more or less. More or less. Thousand times, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Bang. Just like that, 1,000 times more, you've won literally a billion dollars.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
1,000 millions is a billion. 1,000 millions is a billion. That's all I'm saying, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
You're mad at Elon? Maybe picks. A billion dollars to become a billionaire. Yeah. Picks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Oh, thank you. The, um... Yeah, dude. I, so I've been at war with the mice. I got that. What, what works for birds is birds were fucking me up too. You got to get shit in your garden that moves. So I have like in one of those owls, those like fake owls and its head swivels. I have wind chimes scares them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
And I also have like a little spinny things that they detect like motion that it freaks them out. But mice don't really give a fuck. So you got to give them like, you just got to spread, you just got to sprinkle the spices around for them. They step in that cayenne powder. They have, like, strong senses of smell, apparently. Oh, they don't like it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Dude, where they, like, live, I just... A whole fucking... Just a big bag of cayenne powder. Just fucking them up. Fucked them up. Yeah. Not killing them. Just making them uncomfortable. Huh?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Just making them uncomfortable. They smell it. They're like, nah, I'm good on that. Yeah. Wait, are you done doing the... The bacon powder? Dude, apparently I made an ass of myself. They were close. I was close, but I don't know. I haven't seen them after that, though, I will say. And then some time passed, and I saw one. And, dude, I got... Too many radishes to lose right now, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
It turns out that's the only thing I can grow.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
You sound like you're playing Animal Crossing. I'm going to pickle them. Do you get to eat any of the radishes yet? Not yet. I got like, they'll be, I think in a month they'll be fully grown. I got a lot. I'll drop some off to you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I got some radishes and I'm growing flowers right now too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
What kind of flowers? I don't even know what they're called. They're just big. I just picked the craziest looking flowers. Yeah. I'm starting to see what it takes. So they're thriving. My flowers are thriving. My leeks are thriving.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I like that narrator, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I got it right in time. And then I have, this will be, it's a year out, but I have blackberries, raspberries, just blackberries, raspberries, and like golden raspberries. I don't know. I've never heard of those.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
It's just a, it's called a cane. So it's just a raspberry stalk. So it takes a year to bear fruit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I have a couple carrots going. Your carrots are like, oh, fuck you. I'm going to eat a carrot from my garden. Come back one day. The greens are gone and they're all fucked up. And it's like, it's truly, it's kind of nice. I will say it does teach you patience. Because like every day it's like another thing to check and go, oh, you see a little bit of progress.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
And then if I'm like rushing out the door, if I'm in like rush mode, I'm like, damn, I didn't water my garden yet. If I'm like, if I'm rushing to where I don't water my garden, I know I have a fucked up mentality and I got to switch back. I got to go Zandini. Keeps me Zandini because you got to go, dude, I got to stay kind of somehow connected to this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Mystery. World War I is a total mystery.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
True, true, true. You're just defending yourself like a master. I've been pretty Zen. You're Zend out?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
It's pretty Zendini to admit that, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I might move from Zendini to Sean Stradamus. It might have been the easiest prediction of all time. Yeah, that is true. Sean Stradamus?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, I'm back on my Zendini tip. I was off it for a while. Our day will come. Caffeine will put me... I'm not Zendini. When I'm on daily caffeine... Really? Oh, my God, no.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I get... Yeah, it's grumpy and it's like... I just have my fuse is so fucking short. Usually I'll notice things and I'll be like, okay, well, you shouldn't have done that. If I'm on the caffeine, I just fly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
That's the weirdest part.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I know, but I'm saying for sure. They catch the wrath. You're saying Zandini or Spazio? I think they do both. Yeah, they'll Spazio. They will. But when I crush the coffee and then the morning's euphoric, I have energy. When it starts to dip and I'm just like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
dude i was telling me all weekend i'm like my favorite thing is like i chill during the week and or during the weekend and then this sunday i drink i drink like as much coffee as my body can handle the point where i'm like what i get so jacked up on caffeine on sunday like two two cups for me i'm yeah that's what i mean yeah yeah dude and it was self-serve so i'm like talking 80 off it's like my second cup of coffee i'm like and then britney called me i'm like i'm having a conversation with her and our food comes out i don't even remember what i said to her i was like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
i can't do this right now and i just hung up because like the waitress or waiter when i was met well oh dude that was handled and i didn't realize i did it until i'm like eating i'm like still like so anyway nate and i stopped and i was like oh shit i think i just hung up on britney and like a total coffee spaz I did. I apologize real quick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, dude. How did that happen, though?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
And she was just asking me normal shit. And I was like, I can't talk right now. I don't know what the fuck. You always keep me on the phone. Just fucking dick editor on the phone. Yeah. Totally uncalled for. And I did apologize. I was like, yeah. And she had been like, although was she driving? She wasn't even slaving me. She wasn't time slaving me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
She was just asking me like I was flying home that day. It was like a very normal question rather than being like, oh, hey, our food's coming out. Let me call you back. I was just like. I don't know. I just purely short-circuited.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
That's what I do. Bro, come Easter.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Dude, Shane, one cold brew. I swear to God, one cold brew, I'm high. Like, it's a drug. Like, I'm talking to people, and it's just like... They feel like they're very far away from me. It's weird. We got to get you some Adderall. I told you I can't have that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
That's when I got kicked out of the Beastie Boys concert. It was Adderall. I jumped down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Dude, something happens to me on Adderall where I lock in on things and it's just like, yes. And I just. Here's my plan.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, the one guy was fucked up. The one Kaiser. Was he dumped, too?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
That's my problem. I got down a level at the concert, got kicked out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
First fatality in the Blazer Tag. Because when I have Adderall, especially it was always with drinking and like smoking weed, I would just get an idea and it's like, go. There's no like, well, it's like, yes, let's get this. So I remember I saw, I was in like Westchester and I just saw like a 32. You become bees. What? I become the bees.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
There was just these guys sitting down with like, you know, like girls on like the curb outside eating pizza, like a little college town in Westchester. And I just saw this big cup of soda from a block away. And I was just like, I'm going to kick that thing. And I was like, I'm definitely going to kick that cup of soda. And I came up to it. And sure enough, I booted it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
And the dude was like, what the fuck, man? And I just like came up and was like. Yo, my bad. Just kept walking. I was like, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Drinking on Adderall made so much sense in college.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
It made so much sense in college. Like, I'm tired, but I want to drink. They're like, bro, take an Adderall. And I was like, yo, good call. And it would just be the worst situations ever.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, the Adderall drinking combo?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
No, it's not necessary. Once my critical thinking goes offline, I need to get out. I need to go to bed. I do not need to be turbocharged.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, when you're a little tired, you're like, well, I deserve to have some fun. But yeah, it ends up with pretty unsavory behavior on my behalf. Do you ever take it at all?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Day drinking is, I think, day drinking I love.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I've had a couple where I end up in bed by like 9.30 a.m.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
But yeah, you're right. I did it in Boston and I just stayed up super late and woke up the next morning with the most vicious weed slash alcohol hangover. It was not even weed. It was still high from edibles. Hungover in the morning.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, I was, I was, I had like frill from that night slowed down on drinking incredibly. I fear it now. It was such a wretched state that I was like, I frill thought I was like, I'm like, you know, when you're high and you're like, I'm stuck like this. I thought I was like, I was like, dude, I think I broke my brain. Yeah, it was being high with all that alcohol hangover anxiety.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
That stinks. Well, actually, it's a total mystery.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Just flying home with my wife and just being like... Oh, man. It was a rough one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
You're supposed to get home to your kids, and you're like, fuck. Fuck. I'll let you know. Your father made some poor decisions last night. There was four margaritas in the afternoon that were totally unnecessary.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, let's get crunked, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Once the sketch chills, we'll schedule just a crunk day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Let's get totally crunked. I got my sketch today, this morning. I'm fucked. How's your sketch? I'm fucked forever. Doesn't fucking end. Any room for a daytime pool party? There's going to be a couple of daytime pool parties. My months fly. Yeah, my months fly. I'm fucked, dude. So yeah, we'll do a daytime pool party. That is, man, that's fun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Can I bring the butter dog?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
He's perfect. Is he a swimmer at all? No. He's never gotten in the water. That's good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I'm sure he can. Like if he gave it a shot. I'm sure he can. That'd be crazy if he swam exactly like you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Nate Lemaire, will you guys shoot me straight on my idea of the black swim club? I see you guys are so resistant.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, but, like, they all say, like, oh, they were cousins and stuff. But has anyone, like, looked into, like, how did – was that just, like, England trading somebody to France and being, like, you marry a guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I figured that was the hang up. We were getting good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Lemaire's been killing it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
My problem is like, dude, you guys are running a podcast. Nate swimming is the funniest. There's actually a swim instructor in Austin called the swim Nazi. Well, you get a private lesson from the swim Nazi. They call themselves the swim Nazi? They're called the swim Nazi, but she just rolls with it. So she's like, I'm the swim Nazi, and she's an excellent swim instructor. She'll scream at you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Dude, my fucking five-year-old can swim, like, swim for real. From the Nazi. She got Nazi training. She got swim Nazi training.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I started downing myself. I'm like, did I just hear that? I mean, there is definitely a Nazi frenzy going on right now. I was like. Started worrying. I go, what the hell? Am I just hearing stuff? Are you starting to hear it? I'm starting to hear it. That's a dog whistle.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
You were training your Pokemon. I literally was.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I didn't tell you about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
There's no way he could be past... Yeah, it was sandbar. Yeah, it was shallow stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I've seen him in the pool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
He goes, just fucking stand up. True. You don't think the Black Swim Club will be empowering? I don't know. People won't be laughing. They'll be like, this is good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I've seen you. I remember going, okay, Lemaire, he's in practice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, you go to the other end for sure. I've seen you in action. It's just the ass coming up. I don't know how. It's not even a bathing suit bubble. It's just your ass. It is just your ass. Breaches the surface.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
True, it's like the North and South Pole. As the belly grows, the ass shrinks. It does. It is electromagnetic. It's the EMFs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
you're just being pulled forward I have been driving a hybrid that might be actually you've been driving a hybrid yeah the EMF might be careful dude I saw these guys on Instagram saying you're probably only reducing 9% though from the hybrid yeah probably that's good what's going on with you guys
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
those old pubs i've never been to london but the old pubs are very sick it's the coolest thing yeah i did like that in australia being like an ancient pub it's like dublin dublin's i love dublin manchester fucking rules i bet yeah once once my family gets old once the kids get older i do want to go to bring them all to europe and go over there that'd be sick that'd be awesome yeah i've never been to italy i'd love to go to italy yeah i'd like to go to rome
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
And they showed you a fucking secret recording blackmail home video, and they're like, never, motherfucker.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
But you're empowering, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Dude, if Obama's chef had done the Black Swim Club, he'd still be here to this day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
They should have that where it's just like kind of a pit crew more so.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
You get caught in your room with a party helmet and straws. Dude. Yeah, they lift up a cushion. It's my party helmet, no!
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
This is fucking light beer heaven. He's doing the most inflexible yoga ever.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Anytime I've been told I've been inflexible, I've been like, yes. I'm like, you're real tight there. I'm like, yeah, dude. Yeah, of course I am. Like, no, that's like really bad. You got to work on that. I'm like, yeah. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
So my, yeah, my hips are so bad. I mean, shoulder flexibility back's been nice. That's nice. Shoulders, shoulder flexibility straight as hell. That is straight. Hips. You ever hear when they're like, you actually keep a lot of pent up emotions in your hips.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
And if your daughter doesn't work to satisfy the nation, you have to, like, millions of men have to die.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, dude. Let's keep them in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Especially from your hips. That would suck. If you unleash something from your hips, you're like, oh, no.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Oh, I remember that party. Yeah, girls got to stop stretching. How about that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Oh, we fucking tighten their fucking hips and butts up. Too flexible. That's a problem. You need to keep some of that shit in their fucking glutes and their IT bands.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Tighten them up. That'd be weird, though, having an inflexible lady. If a lady went to lift her leg and was like, Jesus Christ. Yeah. That would be fucking sad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I might have to start dressing up to see how it feels. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
But I don't think, like, would they like that? Would that excite them socially? I think they'd pretend to, but we'd mentally check that with you. Yeah, they would go, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, let's go through your phone and look through all your friends. Like, all right, which one am I going to switch to? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Although, didn't, like, I guess he was just doing it as, like, a party trick. That one boxer. Yeah. De La Hoya. De La Hoya did it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I thought he... I think that was the real deal. You think that was the real deal?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
That seems... That could be, like, a liquor and cocaine thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
French maid outfit wouldn't be bad either.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Switching gears, have you seen that Michelle Obama has a new podcast? Does she? Yeah. Switching gears. It's with her brother. I thought it was Craig Robinson. Switching gears. What's their pod about? Dude, I don't know. The left is scrambling to dominate the podcast space, and they threw Michelle Obama and her brother at it. It doesn't get as many views as you think.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, dude. That'd be so hurtful.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I know, that's what I'm saying. I thought it was her and the comedian. No, it's her and her brother.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I thought it was the guy who plays piano.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Worst thing you could do. That was the worst possible move. But yeah, it's probably very hurtful.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Bro, she's still ripping on the McCrones.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
She seems confident. I watched her on Theo's podcast, and she is like, I mean, prove me wrong, dude. And she's like, I have all the paperwork filled for all like the... Basically being like, she sent the McCrones a yes or no. I mean, which I get. She's like, they didn't even fill it out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I was like, well, I could see them being like, yeah, I'm not going to fill out the am I a man questionnaire for the Candace Evans show.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
are you a guy check yes or no it's like drawn up by it's like a legally binding like yes or no questionnaire like yo just answer these questions and we'll fucking drop it because they were i think they're trying to sue being like yo stop calling my fucking wife a man she's like but you in order for defamation i think in europe the defamation laws are a little different where like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, you have to be wrong. In America, it's flip. It's like vice versa. It's like, well, prove me wrong then and I'll take the back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
So she's getting hit with some French.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, they were like this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
It was just like straight. This was legit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Let's go to the Patreon. Yo, guys. I fucking love you guys. Goodbye. We love you. Don't get my bandage in there. It's a fucking emergency.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Dude, as a brother, your job was hot daughter. Okay. Hot daughter was perfect. It was like fucking having a Tesla, dude. It's like getting a Tesla. It's like a Tesla truck. Yeah. That's like a side blitz truck. Hot daughter does.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, that's more mid-daughter behavior. If you have a babe daughter, you've got to go way higher.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yes, right away. Divorce right away. You say, babe, I don't have a problem with you, but our daughter's just way too hot. Our daughter's too hot. We've got to split up. I've got to fucking focus on myself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Oh, I'm starting to hear the whisper from the nest. I'm like, what the hell?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Now I get to prepare myself to sexually assault a 21 year old man if I have to Crossfit Just a bulldog a kid in his apartment like post-college I didn't get to see a nice story of a guy getting bulldog It's so funny My brother, Tom, was telling me that he thinks, and I haven't seen it, so I can't comment on it, but he was like... Tom got hit with the ultimate taboo last night.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
But yeah, no, he actually did. It was in the script because they actually interviewed him about that. Like, did you improv that? He goes, no, they put it in the script.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Did he get hit violently? There was a big taboo last night. Tom said it's the ultimate sex addict share. He was saying, like, coming to a meeting. Oh, that's the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't wait to see it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Which one's Sam Rockwell?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Fuck it, I'll just tell you. Hey, there's no fucking sensual bulldogging here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Oh, so it was a consensual dogging.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Instead of saying Sawatida, which is like hello and whatever, Thailand. Yeah. Just random swastika. What? They're in Thailand. Yeah. Yeah, whatever. But he did say swastika. Yeah, man. Swastikas are... I could say it. I'm not... They are hot right now. I don't agree with them. I don't agree with them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
If you want to feel better about yourself, if you ever want to feel better about yourself sexually, read like Sex Addict, like anonymous, kind of like them reporting on them falling to real sex addiction. It's harrowing, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
it's crazy just like this just the shit they do to get i mean dude it's like yeah like like like imagine instead of the podcast was like later babe and i was just raw dogging prostitutes and like worried about it i really want to spoil it there's a soft way don't spoil it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Was he trying to get his pipe game better?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Size-wise, too? Didn't talk size. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
I mean, if he was going facial appearance, he was probably checking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
That's true. That's why, you know, we have beautiful statues of us in antiquity.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
We were just in there like charting the stars.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
You can see a lot of planets out there. We have the app. I mean, obviously, dude, yeah. We have the app. Did you look at the stars last night, or were you just fucking freaking out?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
You get a ride? Yeah, you get a ride.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
There was a lunar eclipse a couple days ago. Yeah, so I didn't know if it was a big lunar eclipse. I missed it. I was driving home from motherfucking Dallas. I didn't know there was a lunar eclipse. Yeah, it was at like 2.30, 2.34 to be exact, Thursday night.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Well, there was a blood sun due to the fires. You didn't see that? There was a blood red sun. Oh, nice. Yeah, I wasn't here. This weekend, yeah. Because they had fires in like Douglasville or wherever, somewhere out there. Yeah, I keep calling it Douglasville. Fredericksburg. It was in the new $20 Billsville. And yeah, dude, it was crazy. It was a blood red sun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Oh, yeah. Through all the smoke. Yeah, yeah. It was fun. I'm sure the pilots were just going, it's smoky in here. I've got to fly on fucking Wednesday. Where are you headed? Royal Oaks, Michigan. Nice. Yeah. Just added an early show, by the way, on Thursday. Please fill it up. But yeah, that'll be sick. My whole family. Now that I know if you land on water, your plane explodes, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, I couldn't believe you said that. I was so confident being like, if we're over the water, we'll just fucking glide down. You were like, nah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
In my head, I was like, you're so fucking negative about everything. I looked at it, I was like, god damn, this fucking blows up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
It's like a car. They were like, if your plane doesn't break into pieces on water, that's literally the miracle of a puzzle. You're like a wheel grabs the water, and the whole thing just stops. Cannon. Damn. That was surprising. I've been over bodies of water being like, we're safe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
You really need a runway, pretty much. You need a runway. Yeah. You know, maybe a flat plane.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Although the ramp, though. If you like landed and then got out, the ramp, the air would be sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
You would get some crazy air.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Take off my mask. You're going to see that fucking... Someone was saying if the masks are just to get you high off the oxygen. If that's the case, let's break something else out. Heroin. Yeah, anything. Drop down the heroin. Dude, nitrous at least? Like, come on now. That's fucking bull, dude, to be like, oh, yeah, we're giving you a boardwalk oxygen bar.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
nobody said he basically did him and elon did like a car commercial for tesla in front of the white house he goes we love tesla tesla yes they really did a car they did like a tesla car commercial dude i heard this and i i again i haven't substantiated it i saw it was just two guys in like fitness gear on instagram so this is my source so definitely hard allegedly that's where everyone gets their information now
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, I would anesthesia my family. I would definitely. Just in case one of the pilots passes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Dude, yays. His shit now is... I mean, I can't even... He is dying on the craziest hill.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Well, not if he's a Klansman too now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Wait, is he? He wears Klan robes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
where were you on the fucking Nazi shit like you finally you've gone too far I was dying because ever since you said that he's gone several steps beyond I keep seeing that comment now I keep laughing being like alright that's enough now I'm done you think he's doing a bit I think he's just fucking around obviously he's doing a bit yeah I for a while didn't realize I'm starting to I mean yeah he is taking the most hateable things in me like he's now being like the audition is my favorite
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
Did you see the new audition for Vultures or whatever? He wants to do like a live chorus. I guess not like his Sunday service. It could be a Sunday service. I don't know. But it's like he wants to do now a chorus of all black men, no white men. And you have to be at least the complexion of Diddy. Dark enough. You have to be at least as dark as Diddy. Diddy's his benchmark.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
No, that's his exact words. You got to be at least the complexion of Diddy. And you must be willing to shave your head and his volunteer. And you have to wear swastika. But other than that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 551 - BullDoggin' (feat. Nate Marshall)
It's going to be in Compton, too. Oh, man. Or like this L.A. area. So, yeah, be on the lookout for that. That's going to be a bunch of shaved tail. It's going to be the funniest thing that's ever happened.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
That would have been a real bummer. Oh, that would have sucked. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
It's Campinas. Can you believe it? Virginia Camp Penis. I know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 536 - The Program (feat. James Fox)
There you go. Either or. Sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
He said he was going to send him to Auschwitz. Well, he said he wanted to give him a tour of Auschwitz. But he also said he was going to get him a trip to Germany because he was under the impression that Auschwitz is in Germany, which is false. It's in Poland. See, I didn't know that either.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
That was fun to be in Philly for that. I couldn't stop talking about it. I just kept being like, let's go get bottle service. Be like, but we're not thirsty. We just want the signs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah. You're about to do next. I'd go. I'd go check it out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Listen, learn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
They're all just trying to screw in light bulbs over there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Figure out how to get out of cars and screw it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Everybody's raising 20 Gs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Everybody's just doing GoFundMes for...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
No, Portnoy just got word of it. It's his bar. It's his barstool bar on Sansom. He went across the street from Fergie's.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Uh, you know, Del Calo is beautiful. He was like, he could have just wrote Israel. It would have been so fun. There's so much. Why don't people do that? I don't know. I don't know. He's passionate, I guess. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
not a fan yeah they don't yeah he does not like them but then he's going on like white supremacist podcast or whatever this is because sass and everybody was there too so they knew about it more than i did and i guess he's like going on like racist dudes podcast and they'd be like oh that was really good about the jews but then it'd be like but we still don't like you though we don't like you either but we like you a little bit more than just yeah yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah, that must have been a crazy vibe. Fuck the Jews barstool bar? Fuck the Jews. And then just like, I don't know, Tiesto is playing really loud. And there's like sparklers going off. Yeah, well, again, maybe. It doesn't seem like a place where you'd want to make a statement like that. But they were probably just being nasty.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Well, there is that one that said the N-word. It says the N-word all the time. You ever seen that lady? Who, the lady at the park? No, no, no. Do you guys not know what I'm talking about? No. It's hard to explain. Meezy, do you know who I'm talking about? Ah, shoot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
It's not OnlyFans, but I think she did like Piers Morgan or something. And he was like, do you use the N-word? And she was like, yes, very frequently.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Blow my numbers up. Yeah, you could. It's there, bro. It's there. We can all do it. Yeah, what would you do if you rage baited?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Lamar's been doing it lately with the hot dog in the mouth guard and the hot dog water. That's kind of rage bait.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah, you could do more.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Nate loves Rachel Dolezal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
22. I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Before we go to the chat, you want to do the read?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Rip the bandaid off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
It's a little judgmental.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah, but it is at 27 and a half now. For real? More or less than 27 and a half.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
I think you have it. Well, I have the updated picks on my phone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
I would say yes to that. That doesn't seem like a lot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
More for the Ant-Man. You say it's 2.5? I'm saying more for that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
I think the Pacers need to recruit Kaitlyn Clark to be their extra.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Well, everybody's entitled to their own opinion.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
I don't know either, but those were the picks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
I feel like I shit my brains out. This is my remainder, dude. It sounds tasty.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah, that happens to me too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
What's up, Ivan?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yo, Ivan, you're smoking inside?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah, good painting over there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
What kind of prayers are they doing? If they're on the street, yeah, it's probably.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that. Well.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
All right, well, happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day. Necessary. Fucking Blade Runner. Yeah. All right, take it easy. Thank you, bro. Take it easy, bro. Nice to talk to you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
He just went to Russia.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Bro, holding up Christ. Probably got a nice hose.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Well, at least you're not in Austria.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
That's a big-ass skeeter, buddy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah, there seems to be some political unrest worldwide.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Dude, a pastor. I've never been to a church where the preacher, the pastor, the priest could get pussy. Can't pastor? It helps them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Oh, you muted yourself, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah. Girls love the TV now. Who told you that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
James from Love on the Spectrum. Yeah, basically.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah, that's some type shit I would do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
You're approaching Mario Kart age and stuff like that. Mario Party. That'd be so fun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
True. Imagine the shame, though. Losing? Yeah. Losing to a girl in vigils. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Would you get mad if she did, though?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
I always forget that girls are allowed to play video games. I know. I think, like, I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
That's good. I would have been three minutes tired.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah, absolutely.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Nice to talk to you. You always, guys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
It's going to be that guy's girlfriend. True. I'm at work. I know my boyfriend's beaten up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Nothing, just chilling.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
It's... But on what kind of pornography do you mean? Like illegal kinds of pornography?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
My grandpa used to have those and he would pop them out and scare us when we were little.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah. Smile.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Dude, I really don't like dentists. They're basically car mechanics to me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah. Go to the dentist.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah, that was a nice talk with you. Thank you. So long.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Let me pee real quick. Get the... All right, now we can say whatever the hell we want.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah, match the speed. We can chop it up for a little. Where are you from, man? I'm noticing an accent.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Where in Europe are you?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah, that sounds awesome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
That was a stray from Ramirez. What did Lemaire say? He insulted his culture. He insulted his culture. Yeah, Matt.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
He's from Rotterdam.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
It's very funny that he's had a horrible thing happen to him four days ago and he's still in so much better spirits than the other Europeans.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
It's the guy being like. God said that. God said it. He's giving us the word of God. Yeah. And God's telling you to stop being so mean to him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Well, best of luck, friend.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Outside and giving his Instagram to the girls leaving.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Bye-bye. You too, man. Bye-bye. Hello, everybody. This is the end of the regular episode. Join us on Patreon if you want to hear the rest of the Zoom Jam. Have a great rest of your week. Goodbye.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
You should start holding it down like that, though. Like what? You can't go nowhere? You're staying home. I should.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Take your cell phone. No cell phone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
That's how I would be, too. It's like a samurai.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
They gave all the responsibility.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
You're just concerned with war and... Just strat. I see.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
I got a white boy on my roster. He feeding me pasta and lobster. I saw my mommy on set. What? I saw my mommy on set. That was nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
We went to an Italian restaurant and got really drunk. Nice. Philadelphia, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Maybe we shouldn't say the title.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah, I read about that, how it's just scrubbed immediately.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
I don't know. I don't know what you call them. I don't know what you call them either.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
No, I didn't see this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
That's not good Mother's Day talk.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
I wonder if you got Kim anything, though. If what? Mother's Day? Yeah, I wonder what Kanye got Kim Kardashian for Mother's Day. I hope not a – Well, yeah, but, you know, she's still a mommy after it all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
She deserves a card or maybe a bouquet or, I don't know, maybe a diamond-encrusted swastika or something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah, yeah, a new dice necklace.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
I've been trying to really unplug because it's been too racially charged lately.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Everything. They're just trying to get me so bad. I'm not going to let them get me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
They can't make me hate my brothers and sisters. That's what I'm saying, dude. It's the last thing I'm going to do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Oh, I see. So, yeah. Okay. I'm not, I was so like, yeah. How does it, how did they like your ethnicity? Okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Oh, so all the coworkers see it? Yeah. Oh, that's a crazy Mac.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
They should do Yelp for countries.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
I would have never guessed.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
I don't know. You say that. But LeMaire said I kissed my dad on the lips a couple of weeks ago and I was. Yeah. I think it depends on whether... True.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yeah, I'd lock you up for something like that. I mean, that's kind of the thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
True. If it were true... Yeah, that's actually a good point.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
But I did see my daddy this weekend.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
The urge to kiss was strong. We did not kiss. Hell yeah. Unfortunately. Well, maybe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 559 - Zoom Jam (feat. Nate Marshall & Shawn Gardini)
Yes, that's right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Every dude goes through it. So if he texts you, you're like... Well, because you're so cool, too. I've never... I don't know many people that are cool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
That's why Austin's got a little too comfy with Joe. They'll be up in that green room, and I'm like, you guys are not... Fucking Joe Rogan's here. Tighten up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Did you play sports growing up?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Did you remember being on... Basketball and rugby. Oh, real sports. Fuck. Played football. That wasn't for basketball. That was for rugby. Rugby is pretty sick. No, on my baseball team, there'd be an older boy. And then there'd be a cool older guy. That's how I feel when I see Joe. If I say something stupid, I'm like, fuck, dude. just said a stupid thing. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
They can still see you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Like he was showing me his compound, you know, and he was like, this is the cold plunge and then this is the, and then he's like, and this is where I shoot my arrows or whatever the fuck it was. And so then I was like, I was like, oh, cool. And I said something stupid about the elk or whatever that was up there. And he looked at me like, like it was a question he'd never heard before.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
And then I was just like, I beat myself up about it for like the next two minutes. Don't ask stupid shit about the arrows. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Also, I never know what to do with my other hands. I know that's a Will Ferrell thing. Like, what do I do with my hands? But have you noticed, like, Even your boy, it's like he's always on the thing. Like I do it behind my back that I hate. I hate that I do that. Like you're a magician. I hate that I do that. I'll sleep in this with myself like, I fucking suck. Why am I doing this?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I was like, you didn't film that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
What would be the first question you'd ask Joe Rogan? What would be the... If it was like, hey, Joe... Yeah, he said you'd ask... You got a lot of dumb ones. What would be like a...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Besides being black, what do we... That's interesting. Yeah, the athletes being our age, I always wondered if it was because I think there's nothing cooler to me than a baseball player. Yeah. Or like the idea of Griffey to me is like that's God. Yeah. It went Griffey, then God, then my dad. Like it was Griffey's number one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Just high school. Okay, sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Shortstop. Yeah, I played shortstop. That's awesome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
But, like, when you go, oh, they're going to be young now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It's kind of shitty. What if I have a gun, dude? True. If you have a gun, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I'd get him while he was sleeping like McNair, you know what I mean? Start proactively killing all the young athletes. One thing's cool about being older than them, though, is, you know, at least if you're in our world of comedy, comedy's kind of become cool now, which was not the case for a long time. You can just DM them, and they'll be like, holy shit, dude, like, I love your stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
And they'll, like, give you, like, that's a better part about being older than them. For sure. Now I'm not the boy asking for the autograph. They think I'm cool. That's a nice switch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I got a good J.D. Martinez story. Do you know who that is? Still plays. I think he's one of the most. I think at this point he's probably one of the older guys in baseball. No, he played for the Boston Red Sox. I think he's on the Dodgers now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Handsome guy. Really good looking guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
A lot of hunks out there on the baseball field. He's a good looking fella. So this girl goes, you're going to Boston? I'm playing this comedy club. She goes, you want to go to Fenway? I love Fenway. It's hard to get tickets. I've been before, but I'll take you up on that. She worked at William Morris.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I've been doing this long enough. I should know what to do with this hand.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
and so she's like she's like i can left me tickets i go to the box office i do the whole thing when i sit in the seats they're they're good seats and then it says at the top zero dollars comped you know and then it said jd martinez i was like i wonder if that's like related yeah that's weird so then i dm jd martinez on instagram while we're sitting there i go hey dude thanks for the tickets this is rad you know i've been a fan of you for a
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I don't remember what he said, but it was something nice and flattering about my comedy. And then he was like, hang out after the game. I'll come say what's up. He was texting you during the game? It was before. Oh, that's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I'm like an eight-year-old. I'll get to the game two hours early, have 75 beers. So then after the game, I'm like, this is pretty cool. And we're just hanging out with all these skanks. It's like me, my friend, Maddie Chimber, who's a comic, and then just a bunch of girls who are like banging the players or whatever. And they're trying to get everyone out of there. I'm like, I got a DM to stay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
So then you're at the front of the net. And it's funny. Some guy with a clipboard is like, who's fucking this guy? Why is he fucking this guy? It's more like that in NBA games.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, you don't pay for anything or do anything.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Wait, this is, we've got to separate that it isn't Brittany Grineer. No, Brittany Reiner.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I was going to say, holy shit, that would be breaking news. Famously lesbian. Allegedly trans Brittany Griner has been banging all these dudes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Martinez. This is the end of the story. So we're at the Nets, and he goes, you know, he's like, oh, man, it's nice to meet you. How's it going? Nice to meet you. We're talking through the Nets. And he's like, how do you know? He's a fake name. How do you know Christine? And I was like, oh, she's the best, dude. Yeah, she just set me up with these.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
She's not in her mind going, I'm with Jeff Dye or J.D. Martinez. And we're not going, oh, she's our girlfriend. It's just two grown-ups.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, that is true.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Or trying to make us jealous of each other so we step up our commitment game.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
For this chick, it could be anybody. Yeah, true. She worked at William Morris, and she was like an 11. Like, she was so beautiful.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I think it's an agency. Oh, okay, I got you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I was like, I think it's an agency.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, I hate the pocket. I did it recently. I think I did it on Sunday, and I go, what am I doing? I immediately took it out. Rogan holds the mic. Hate it. I think Rogan holds the mic the worst. Like a snow cone? Yeah. You go, what are we doing? The bottom, the very bottom. Yeah, like on the actual cable.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, I knew they were big because they don't rep me. That's how I knew. It must be something good, you know?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, it was pretty cool. It was cool of him and cool of her. The whole story was positive, but it was like a very funny, like, modern story, you know?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It wasn't like some gross guy that I think sucks or something. It was just like, oh, it's J.D. Martinez. And he's going, this comedian guy that I know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Oh, yeah. I don't wrap it up. Okay, cool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I thought you were about to say, I don't go raw.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Condom programs are strange. Yeah. It's similar to the homeless thing where they're like, give them clean needles. I worked at this homeless shelter in Seattle. We would give them like clean needles to go do drugs with. Yeah, you'd hook them up. And I'm like, and they were like, they're going to find them anyway. So just guys like, I don't think this is a good idea. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Just providing them all the shit. Like, it seems strange. Well, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Matt, I've been around the neighborhood. It's not working.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Dude, I'm so insensitive about the homeless situation. I used to be like, I worked at a homeless shelter. And then after 7,000 interactions with homeless people a day in Los Angeles, you just lose all your sympathy for it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It's exhausting. Like, you see, like, I think when I make fun of the homeless on the internet or, like, in my act around these towns, they're picturing some lovable boxcar hobo with, like, a bindle stick. And, you know, they think that that's what, they go, leave him alone, Jeff. No, it is, go to L.A., go to downtown L.A., For just a morning, walk around, you'll go, oh, I get it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, these people, there's a lot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Also, most of us are stand-up comics.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Oh, you do the head. The glands, yeah. That's the Eliza Schlesinger.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
she's like a hip-hop artist you go what are you doing no i i just hold it right in the middle dude right in the grip and i just keep it right here and i talk the entire time yeah i've tried to do like mike in the mic stand kind of talk that's tough too i start fucking with the stand and then yeah it's like i do the two i've done the two hands most of my career i think gillis is ruining it for us because now everyone now everyone goes oh he's doing gillis he goes i'm just
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
what you know something about like a oh yeah you are the five people you hang around yeah i hate that uh saying because then it just makes my loser friends get nervous you know jeff's gonna leave us soon yeah and i want to let them know i won't i love you boys i got your back yeah i do that is kind of a weird rule be like you are the five people you hang out with the most yeah no i'm not what the fuck are you talking about
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, we got to tell my buddy Aaron, like, you're out, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, kids are good that way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
But you wouldn't have cared at all about that. Like, the wonderment of a child is like... Because I used to go to Disneyland drunk all the time with all my buddies, and it rules. It rules. Dude, you're... Strong recommend. It is tight. But then my buddy once goes, oh, my family's... My nieces and nephews, they want to go to Disneyland. I was going to take them. Do you want to come with us?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
So I just kind of, like, came with them. Totally different experience. Yeah. And it was awesome. I was like, oh my God, to like, you know, like tease the kids and like make jokes and they think I'm cool because I'm an older guy or whatever. I was like, oh, this is like a really wholesome version of what I've been doing. Yeah, it's better.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
No, just having a good time. Just chilling. Okay. I'm curious. It's kind of exciting to sneak the booze in, you know?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
don't they serve it in there well no you have to go to like california adventure or go to this one club that's called club 33 that you have to be like the pope to get into so i'm not getting into club 33 damn disney world they let it fly you can get hammered at disney world it's great it's in florida yeah that's great disney world alcohol is abundant you can just get shit faced disneyland doesn't do that dinner and you can just i didn't know that it's part of the rebellion true sneaking it in west coast that's how the fuck did you get it in
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Well, we would like take these like plastic flasks that would, you know, whatever. Or the way that doesn't work, don't do this. We took like half Gatorade. Yeah. Like just dumped out half and then filled the rest with like vodka or tequila. For sure. They've seen that a million times, I guess, because they've caught us before we even got to like the thing. They're like, that's alcohol.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Standing. Yeah, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
There's no fat people at Disney, dude. You should.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Oh, really? Not at our Disney. Disneyland is beautiful.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Sounds like it's right up my alley, then. Many fats.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Because you could be waiting for like an hour to get there and be like... Also, by the way, it's amazing you brought this up. Get rid of these... In front of everyone, practice seats where they bring a big person over. They go, you, fatso, hey, come here. We sit in this to make sure you're going to fit. They treat them like luggage at the airport. When do they do that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
They'll give them like a practice chair where they'll put the thing in. And if the person doesn't fit in it, that means they won't make it on the ride so that they don't want them to have to wait in the line or get disappointed when they get to the front. So they have like this kind of like example chair.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Like, you know, kind of like the are you tall enough line, but they do it with an actual chair.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I saw this young man in there, and I was mortified for him. Because they were trying to pull the thing down, and these teenagers that worked there were like, yeah, I think you're too big. And I was just going, holy shit. Why didn't they make the seats bigger for the Harry Potter ride? A lot of fat people love Harry Potter. I couldn't believe how... Did he try to suck in and did they push?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
What's that? Oh, he was doing everything. And he was also mortified because we're just all waiting in line going, look at that fat kid over there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Also, aren't there fat characters in Harry Potter?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, Haggard wouldn't even be able to ride the ride.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
You know Matt's doing well. He's like, I used to fly Southwest. Sometimes I'll fly Southwest.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
The fact that you framed it like that. I love you, dude. Sometimes I will. I prefer American. Sometimes. I don't like to admit this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It drives me crazy. There's nothing wrong with you, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Also, you're being very conservative saying that it's like a fat guy and then like a guy in a wheelchair. They'll say, does anyone need any extra time boarding? That's a very vague question. Yeah, that's kind of bullshit. So now it's just two parents with like three kids. You've got a guy that's got like a limp or something. And then there's like a deaf lady.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
You're like, these handicapped people are always going, we're just like everyone else. We can do anything you can do. Then what's with the special treatment early boarding bullshit?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Also, don't worry about sounding like a dick. I'm going to take it to the next level. Fuck all of them. You're just like us. You don't get to get on there early. Everyone's taking their time. You can go be 56 just because your legs don't work. I have to let you board first.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Why does it matter?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Dude, again, if you're main... Oh, I'm missing an arm. I have to be on the plane before you. Who gives a shit?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, but that's a slow one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
That's the diagnosis.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Have you ever had this happen? They do the pre-board, right? Or they'll do the thing they need extra time, right? There's some sort of, they need more time on the airplane. They're really just hogging the overhead space. But anyways, so they'll get on. But then they'll sit in the exit row. I'm sorry.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I thought that you were some sort of handicapped person, but now you're going to assist in an emergency? You're going to leave the charge.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
There's so many things I could talk about on this. I wasn't with Trump himself as far as those are like the actual presidential campaign, but there's all these other organizations that do things to campaign. Gotcha. You won't believe the group I was with. I'd be curious to learn about them. They're called Log Cabin Gay Republicans. Whoa. Did you know that was a thing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
No, but recently yelled at a guy for doing it, and it turns out he was telling the truth. What was the truth? I said, hey, can I sit there? Because there was, like, very few seats left. I'm one of the last on the plane. He's like, hell no. He goes, well, I'm... No, I said, hey, do you mind if I sit there? He goes...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
yes instead of just saying whatever that kind of caught me off yeah and then he goes i was like uh okay and he's like i'm saving it for my wife and then i was like i'm the last on the plane so i'm like looking around like this guy's full of shit so i find like just another one because there's like four seats on the whole plane available and i'm sitting there fuming like fuck this guy yeah he was his wife was like in the bathroom or something she came out and i was like oh he was right yes that is crazy not just be like yeah my wife's in the bathroom
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, he was kind of chippy about it. Yeah. I didn't like that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, you go, it's a line.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
They'll pretend to not understand lines.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
If you know you're boarding group six, why are you in the fucking way while people are trying to board one, two, three, four, and five? Because you want to both.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
They're like first class and then literally there's people just standing there just waiting. Can you move a little? Make a lane?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
That's annoying. I think my biggest battle on airplanes is the flight attendants. That's who my battle's with. They're mean.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Why are you angry with us?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It makes no sense.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, but I don't give a shit when they get paid. I think so. That's terrible. They suck. Why don't they get paid? They think they're plain police.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
You know what that stool is? It's a tiny fucking table for my drink and set list. That's all that is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
You were getting gay Republicans fired up?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Don't yell at me. I'll check for the overhead space. I'll open the thing. And she's like, if it's closed, it means it's full. And I was like, I see people mindlessly close these things all the time. That's not true. There's often a lot of space available. Sometimes I'll put mine in and just close to see if it closes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It's like a disease of if it's obvious to you, you think everyone should know it. Not everyone flies every day. Some old lady's like, do I need to take my iPad out? And they're like, everybody, electronics, come out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, but here's the thing, Matt. Here's the thing. Being criminals are difficult to deal with, but I won't tolerate a fucking grumpy, shitty, bad cop. And kids are a lot, but that doesn't mean teachers get to be mean to the kids. That's true. And yeah, oh, it must be real hard to be a gay guy or a hot chick that's a flight attendant, but you still got to do the job. True.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
They don't understand it. They shouldn't have to do that. They go, what is this? But I'm hot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Do you guys fart a lot when you fly?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I don't know if you know that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. Yeah, but then for a while there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
You just said that loud, honey.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
A lot of farts. And I'm like so embarrassed. I'm doing the blow thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, a lot of boners and a lot of farting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
The peeing's a little hard for me. I'm 6'5". So when I pee, the wall's going like this. You know, I got to do like a strange limbo piss.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I feel like Slender Man. Because, you know, the middle of the door is like a fold, so the door will open. My knees are right on that thing. And I'm like, oh, this will be my worst nightmare.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I've shit in there. But it'd be like my worst nightmare if that just pops open and people are waiting. They're like, ah!
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Also, slavery had nothing to do with racism. It's free work. It's a leverage of power. That's all it is. Money. You go, wait, now I have to pay these fuckers? Look at Amazon right now. They just got a bunch...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
He made having a popped hemorrhoid sound cool. He was able to go, I don't know, pop a hemi, you know? Yeah, you could.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Guilty of the first one, not guilty of the second one. You pop right up. Because I'm pushing so much. I'm like a little rabbit, man. If I went and took a shit right now, none of you would believe I took a shit. You're quick. They call it zero chance digest shit, dude. Really? I'm in like a rabbit. I'm fucking out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Oh, interesting. Well, you're a family guy. You're trying to get away from the wife and kid. That's a big one, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
We know what you're doing in there. You're on Candy Crush. I can hear it going. It's huge, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
That was like a poverty thing. Guess who sold us the slaves?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
When are we going to let these Chinese ones that we got... True. When are we going to let these Chinese children slaves go?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I love that LeBron James is like... The civil rights, he's reading Malcolm X upside down and he's acting like he cares about slavery while he's dripping in Nike. Yeah. You're wearing the slave clothes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Wait, so how do you – I don't know if you guys want to even talk about this, but do you have to get, like, surgery to get rid of it? No, you can't. Just wait.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Oh, that's terrible.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, I feel real lucky, Doc. Thanks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I'm such a bitch about these kind of things. Dude, it hurts. I just was washing my ass too thoroughly, so it was just dry. But it was so itchy that I was like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
i've got to go to a professional you know i'm 40 now i want to see what's going on and he was like you just are you're you're washing your ass too much like what's your ass watching regimen well i was just getting the shower i would just use like showered gel or or soap to just wash make sure my ass is clean yeah but like i'm using all these soaps and things and but anyways so once i saw him he's like your asshole's fine you know he's like you just need to not be how did you show the doctor your asshole i had to do the whole thing
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Like, bend over? I laid on the bed thing. Because he gave me the whole 40-year-old check after that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Oh, so dry. You had a chapped ass. Yeah, I would itch it so much that it would, like, bleed. And I was like, I need to go because I'm itching it up. But what I was going to say is, like, if you could have... Yeah, I'm a confident guy. I was such a bitch when I was, like, in there. Yeah. Like, I kept saying sorry to him. I was like, I'm sorry. He's like, you know, you're all right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I do this every day. And then I was like, he's like, it's just dried out. And I was like, yeah, I'm sorry. He's like, you don't have to keep.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I just kept going. I'm so sorry. I feel like MacGruber. Like, I'll suck your dick, dude. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I was like, I feel terrible. I had to come in here and waste your time. I don't even have a thing. You're on antidepressants now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I don't know why I felt so strange. Sorry, sir.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
This is before you had a family and all that. I had a family.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
That's great. How good was that feeling? To not every time you go to the bathroom, reminded of the problem that you have. It was crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I got kicked out of an STD clinic because I refused to like cooperate with the nurse.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I wanted to just get... So, like, sometimes I would just randomly go get STD checks because, like, I would break up with a girl and then hook up with a couple other girls, and then that girl would be like, I know you were fucking around when we broke up. Like, I want you to go prove you don't have anything. And it always comes back clear. I'm not hooking up with homeless chicks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, why do I have to prove the paperwork? But they'll be like, well, I haven't slept with anyone. I was like, all right, then I'll just say that, too. Like, if we're just using an honor system.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
So I'm in there, and she just was asking all these questions, and I was in one of my Jeff Dye moods. She was like, how many partners have you had? I'm like, don't worry about it. And she's like, I need to know. I was like, no, you don't. You don't need to know. And the nurse was like, I have to ask you this. I was like, I know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Damn, she hit you with like, you probably sleep with a lot of girls, don't you? That's what it felt like to me. And maybe it was because I was projecting on her from like the conversation I just had with my girlfriend or something. She's like, well, how many partners have you had? And I was like, if it's more than zero, check my dick. And she goes, sir. And I was like, no, but that's true.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Sex slaves, yeah. Like, we have sex trafficking in our own country. Like, those are slaves. And that's just a leverage of power. I mean, it's sad. You know, we all agree slavery's bad. But when people try to pretend like it only happens to black people, I'm like, grow up. Read some things. Yeah, that's true. They're the hot potato. They got caught with the hot potato.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Just check my penis. You want to know your body count, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, check. Yeah. Let's say I checked with a thousand women. Are you going to check it more thoroughly? Yeah. Just check my cock. Like, what's the problem?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
That is a fair question. No, that is a fair question. They don't need to know any of that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, I thought it was strangely... My guy. Yeah, it was so weird, and they didn't want any of my bullshit. So you got kicked out? I got kicked out before they did the test. What did you have to do then? I lied to my girlfriend. I was like, I got checked. We'll see. Pretty cool. A lot of good people up there. Great spot. You were done quick. I know, I know, I know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Why is the date on this STD thing wrong? Why didn't you just say, like, I don't know, five? You should have been like a girl. Like, five. Like four. Yeah. I guess I wanted to check, too. In my mind, I'm like, maybe I do have something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
You should be furious. You've never ate my pussy. I'm like, oh, sorry. It's kind of an other girl thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, that's what we should be lying. Overexaggerate everything to our physicians to see if they'll check us different.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, tons of times. Oh, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
The questions are in strange orders, too, thinking about that one. Before we went to Africa, we had to get a bunch of shots and stuff. Not for COVID, don't worry. They were like, have you had sex with anyone? Oh, no, have you been to Africa? We're like, no, we're going to Africa. And the next question is, have you had sex with anyone in Africa? I was like, well, no. I haven't been to Africa.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Like, the question was just, like, strangely worded. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I guess. I don't know. It's maybe a part of the thousand questions they asked me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It is kind of fucked up. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
This African fucker.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
You don't want Jeff's blood. He's fucking all these people in Africa. I had one summer. I had a wild... I had a hot African summer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It's ruined my medical history. Me and Jane Goodall is the fucking best example I've ever heard.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I was just done with it. Done with doctors.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I find myself being dishonest with my doctors.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, they'd be like, how much are you drinking? And I was like, I don't know. He's like, well, like, three times a week. And I almost, like, laughed out loud, like, what a fucking pussy. Thinks I drink three times a week. And then he's like, oh, more? And I was like, yeah, how about every day since 2001? Is that a lot? Yeah, true. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
That's what I'm saying. Just check our bodies. Yeah, see what I'm... These questions are very intrusive.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Native Americans had slaves. They did. India, every place. I dare you to find me a place that didn't have slaves. The whole world. It was a global institution. Yeah, for sure. We had it for less than 100 years and got rid of it. It was ended by the British. Yeah, we tried it on. We said, this feels icky.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, see, I hate it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
And all my friends that smoke weed fucking love you boys, but you're losers. You know, like it's, I don't like. How do you figure? They're not like high achieving. You know, they're just doing nothing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I don't know anyone that's thriving. Such a lame take. All my alcohol friends are fine, successful. All my friends that do mushrooms, they won't shut the fuck up about it. They're happy as hell. They're making relationship connections. They're doing beautiful things with their mind. And then all my weed friends are fucking not doing shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Maybe here's where I'll adjust. I'm teachable. just enjoy it right like i had to ask you i didn't come in here and you're like oh we got the weed painting yeah i got a marijuana leaf on my laptop those are the guys i'm talking about Who can't even talk to me at a fucking smoothie place without taking a rip off some mechanical weed thing? Yeah, that is true. That's who I'm talking about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
No, you're absolutely right. Kevin Smith. These fucking losers that have some teenage obsession with weed. That's who I'm criticizing. Not a man with a wife and kids and a successful career.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Okay. What kind of project, though?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Okay. Something you got to get done, I see.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Potheads are so optimistic, too. Until bedtime. Well, no, they'll say, no, I mean, they're optimistic about pot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Like, I'll be like, oh, I hated that. And they're like, you got to try a different strand. And I was like, all right, and then we'll try a different. I'm from Seattle, so it's been legal my whole life. Yeah. So they'll be like, all right, try this. And I've had like, after 30 times, I'm like, I think I just don't like this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
And they're like, but try, if you try, sativa? Or is it like, guys, I can't.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It's like, dude, you have no fucking idea. When I got a DUI, they were like, maybe try brandy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Do you like mushrooms?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Oh, way better. And also, I feel like that made me smarter. Yeah. My friends all say to me, like, dude, you came back different. Like, it, like, changed something in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
So, like, how much or, like, where was I setting was? Yeah, the whole thing. okay so my first time ever I knew I wanted to do it for a long time and my boy Randy Valerio was like he's like king mushroom guy so he was like I got you like you know just tell me when so we've planned this trip out to like what's the hottest desert in the world that's in California the Gobi
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Well, colonization, yeah, like, that's a tricky one, too. I can't believe we're getting into all this. It's the podium. It is the podium.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
No, it doesn't really matter.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, it's where they film Star Wars, some of the things. I can't remember.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
So we go to Death Valley, and we waited until nighttime, and then we just all took a shit ton of mushrooms. It was just three of us dudes who trust each other and know each other, and it was the most beautiful experience of my life. It's awesome. It was absolutely incredible, and we took a lot. And then so after that, every couple months, right? It wasn't like a daily thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Slowly built up to like four and a half grams is like what we would... Nice. That's like the dose we... Yeah, yeah. We only go like full journey. We're not doing like a little. Yeah. Yeah. Where'd you sleep in the desert?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
We had a hotel room, but we were.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
No, for sure. Yeah, yeah. We went to the woods to do that. I'm a glamping guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
No one's ever taken me real camping.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I want to go real camping.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
But I just want to do it for a couple days or something. Or even just one day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Because here's the thing. It's like my buddies go, oh, we'll take you camping. And I've had girls go, we'll take you camping. And then they take me to some national park where I can see other people like me. setting up their stupid picnic table. I want to be in nature. I want to be in a movie. You're like, here's where we have to set the tent down. Dude, I agree. I've never gone camping.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Really? Zero. I don't want to do it for a month. Not even a night.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
And then they'll be like, mom was right. This sucks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, bare feet on the ground, too. I like how you said city blacks. That's funny. Is that a term?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Oh, man. I had to do a project. I got to do a project in Atlanta. And it changed my perspective on black people. I was like, God did this to keep me from being racist. Oh, in Atlanta? All my favorite people in the world.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It was like a game show where we would shoot like 10 episodes a day. It was quite a grind of work, but it made me there for like six weeks. And I had to live in a hotel. So every day I would see black women that like, you know, Southern black women who worked at the front. I'd have, you know, if I was going to eat food at a restaurant, it was just all these like Southern Atlanta, black people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
And I was like, my favorite group of humans. This is the, this is amazing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I like church city, black people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Really? How do you know that? It's a strange stat.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
All those download brothers went to Atlanta. I could guess. Yeah. With what?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
you can't have them because they didn't want anyone gaining the fucking... There also might not be anything more diverse than slavery. What do you mean? Well, it's every land. It's every person. Oh, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
When are we going to get this list?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Also, once the list comes out, no one will care. They did that Epstein Island list.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
But nothing happened.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
He did a show last night in Vegas. It changed nothing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Well, and also people are just inconsistent. The real rule, the way, or not rule, but the real way people navigate their minds is if you like the person, you're fine with it. And if you don't like them, then you're outraged. Yeah, burn them on a cross. Yeah. David Bowie, like, admitted in his book to, like, banging 13-year-olds. Yeah. But it's David Bowie. So they go, oh, that guy rules.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, good for you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
This guy's owning it. He really looks good on you. He's doing the eight mile, man. He's trying to get ahead of it. What are you going to say now?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
That's why the diddy list is so interesting, because if he was just guilty of being nefarious as like a rock star or thug rapper would be, it would be no story. But black people are still working on the gay shit. You know, every group's got their own things they're working on. So this one is encroaching into a new territory for them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I always think about that. Like, I always like to think that, like, if my boss of anything I had, I mean, this is, it's hard for me to try to pretend to be someone else. That's why I struggle with it. Yeah. But it's like, if my boss was, like, doing things, I'm such an impulsive person that I'd be like, what the fuck? Like, I would just like blow it up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
What I will say is working for the log cabin guys, it breaks my liberal friend's brains. Yeah. What do you mean? Because I'm like, oh, I'm working with Log Cabin. Like, what's that? I'm like, gay Republicans. And they're like, but gay is good, but Republican bad. Like, they can't get their mind around it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I wouldn't be able to keep a secret to keep a career or job.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I like all this other stuff. That one part was weird. I like all this other stuff. Well, I'll just bottle that up for later when I can kill my wife at age 55. I'm low, Jeff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It's crazy what people care about or pretend to care about. Because of the Diddy List, too, they'll just go, hey, he was at a party. You can't prove he did anything. It's like Chris Tucker went to Epstein Island. I know. Like three times. And he's like, I played golf. I didn't even know they were doing that there. But, I mean, maybe he's telling the truth. Maybe he's not. But it's like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
you'll always have that out. Like, I just went there because they're rich guys. I know. So, like, who wouldn't have wanted to go to a P. Diddy party before you knew what a P. Diddy party was doing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, because I only learned... He knows the consequences.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Keep tradition alive. It's like when I go to parties now and I'm like, I don't drink. Yeah. Oh, no, I'm not doing the raping thing. You guys have fun, though. I'm just happy to be here. Got a pick with J-Lo. Hal's not drinking, Ben.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, totally sober. I feel great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I've lectured a few young comics. I'm going, what are you doing? Get your fucking ass off there. What are you doing? Talk about jerking off and you're sitting?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, I feel like because it was such a big part of my lifestyle that, like, there's some disappointment, but then also, like, my buddies have been kind of supportive of, like, dude, you're way more fun to be around. Like, you don't just ditch us for a chick at, like, 10 p.m. Get hammered, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, like, we're having actual conversations and cigars, and, you know, we're connecting in ways that we didn't used to. So it's been mostly positive. It occasionally rears its head.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Like, I think I've dodged a real... Last night, I did Kill Tony. And afterwards, everyone hangs out at the bar called Mitzi's. And there was, like, this girl who might have been one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life. But she was just so intoxicated. That, like, I left. She terrified me. Just her being near me was so scary.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Exactly. I wanted nothing to do with it. She kept grabbing my face. I was like, hey, don't fucking touch me. Get off me. Which normally, yes, you, but you're so drunk. Yeah. That's the bad part about being a guy, too, in modern times, at least in America.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It's like, not only if I'm drunk do I have to be responsible for drunk Jeff's behavior, and it will be held accountable in a court of law, but I have to also be responsible for her drunkenness.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I don't know. Or just a bunch of dicks in a cabin?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It's tough to be responsible for both of us when I'm hammered.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
So last night I had to be responsible for her. I was like, hey, I'm not going to even touch you. That's the thing. But if I was drunk, Jeff, we'd have fucked in the bathroom.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
They're the greatest group of dudes ever. They have the best sense of humor. I think they're also new Republicans. They're sick of this new shit. Yeah. So they're just gay guys all about their paper. No, they're like the bread. They're just like tired of trans people because considered the same community as theirs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
My worst behavior.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
With this headset and this, it does feel like a church. The earlier analogy is perfect. That's why it's a sin to be that drunk, Jeff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
They're like, these fucking idiots are supposed to be for the.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
That's why I shit so fast, dude. I'm having like 10 coffees a day. That'll get you, yeah. I've already had two coffees this morning before I got here. Did you really?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I wouldn't even know what to do with my day if I didn't have coffee. Well, let me tell you about raw milk. Because I like the whole process.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Like just straight out of a glass? Straight out of a glass. Oh, my God.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
That is the next part. I shook the booze thing, which I feel great about. I'm very proud of it. It's been a year and two weeks. But the thing with, I'm eating trash, dude. Eating bad. I've been eating bad for a long time. It's tough. You're traveling a lot, I'm guessing. Yeah, McDonald's is available, you know. Yeah. You know what I mean? Dude, when I... How many points you got?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Like that's annoying. Yeah, man. What do you think?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
You know what I do? No, I don't got the... You don't collect the points, dude?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
But I don't even do that at my own home, let alone if I was on the road.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Just make it sound cooler, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, they also drank water.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It's pretty easy to make those statistics when you just lump it as white. How many countries are white?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Jews are pretty white.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I'm doing it for this country, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
No, no. They're saying like, why is this guy pretending like he's with us? I think they're just conservative gay guys. They're like, we're LGBTQ. That's kind of it. We're not, what's this new T thing? Why is T here?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Really? I didn't know that about them. I didn't know any of this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
And you enjoy it. It's not like you're trying to get through it for the superfood.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It was nuts. I'm definitely trying it. Dude, I'm telling you. I live in a city that'll be the easiest to find. For sure. If you just Google raw milk. Right, they'll bring it right to my door. They probably will. I could have it in 15 minutes. He's gone a week before, not in L.A. Yeah, it's on GoPro right now. They got some bullshit for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It's like... Who said that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
If it's more natural, that should be better.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Those calves are so strong and I want to be strong as a calf.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I like it. I'll be in, dude. You're going to get a text from me in a week. I tried it, dude. My brain's on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I'm excited. You're going to be firing. I'm going to be pissed. I'm going to be like, this shit's not working. I got a thick milk mustard. I'm going to sit on the couch going, I've been fooled again. You're just farting nonstop. He told me Nazis did this. That's all part of his get Jeff to do it thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Because it is tough to drink. Immediately my brain went to, can I put chocolate syrup in it? You could if you want it. Or if I steam it, does that take some of the... No.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Does it, like... Will that change it? Yeah. Totally fine. Will it curdle?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Not to curdle, but... Like, I used to crush, like, eggnog, and people were like, that's disgusting. And I was like, yeah, but it's so good. Eggnog rules. Yeah. But it's just so flavor-y, and that's the thing. It's like, if I could make it taste like eggnog, I would crush, you know, real milk all day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah. So that is the new hunting, trying to find things that are good for you. Yeah. Our ancestors had to be like, go shoot an animal and skin it and whatever and keep it cold and then cook it. Now our hunting is going to the grocery store and finding anything that's good for you. Yeah. Literally, you could go to Whole Foods. Doesn't matter. Half that's trash.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
But even that produce, they found a way to like inject it and do all this shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Or you'll go to like a real health place where they're like, everything in here is good for you. And the carrot's like $20. You're like, what the fuck is this? Yeah. That's the new hunting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Do you think they're going to murder us after this podcast for like talking about the food industry like this?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
yeah you know well if you get a sex change you become straight again that's the rules those are kind of yeah yeah they go now i'm a straight go yeah this is confusing yeah you gotta take the log cabin and be like boys i think the trans thing's really smart like if you're trying to like you know the whole dead name rule yeah like it's not you like if you become a woman and i go i fucking loved man i hung out with him in austin you better not they would go
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Remember, Michelle Obama's original thing was, like, food.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
She was like, I'm going to make it healthy, you know, these young kids, but we got to do something about it. And it's like someone took her in her back room and was like, listen, bitch, do you know how much money we fucking get? And then she was like, maybe just go outside and run a little bit. Yeah. Maybe just run outside. Maybe it's about fitness. 10 minutes a day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
What happened to the food part you were talking about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
She changed. She immediately turned it into like a fitness thing as opposed to a food thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah. It is kind of like what makes it cool to be a man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Some people think a man has a big beard and he doesn't give a shit and he's got an axe. And then some people think James Bond is cool. But James Bond is wearing this fucking three-piece suit and he's drinking fine vodka. That's true, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
But he's got to eat right. You've got Bond going, well, you guys don't drink real milk? And they go, what a fucking faggot over there. Shut up. So it's like they're both men, but you've got to decide which man you want to be. It's a fair point.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Well, maybe it's a test. Actually, I think I know the answer to it, but go ahead.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah. Yeah, 100%. That's true. Yeah, it's lazy. Yeah, people are dumb and lazy. They're right about that. I think that the reason...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Men would do that To each other Is it is a test Of toughness It's a test of like Can we You know Oh you care about that Like we're tough You know We're tough And that's healthy Cause men have always Had to be tough That's true But it's like My thing is like Why Cause I've done that Like I don't give a fuck I'll eat that Then I just have like A quiet tummy ache And I'm like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
But the inner caveman in you back in the day had to not care about how cold it is because he had to kill a wolf. There's this idea of not caring about your well-being to be a fucking man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
That's still in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
hey don't you dead name me right that's the rules but like you know Caitlyn Jenner like did some you know some crimes you know we talking about the car thing but like in court they could be like Mr. Jenner and be like that was Bruce baby that wasn't me don't dead name me I think once you go to court they're like alright time out
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
There's nothing less masculine than having a tummy ache. It sucks, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Laying in a hotel room burping by myself. But my tummy. Why the fuck did I eat that? Fuck. I gotta tighten up. I've never had fish and chips at like a pub and not had a stomach ache. Yeah, it's every time. And I go, I'm never ordering this again. I fucking forget like six months later. It's the worst. Every time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Jeff Dye, thank you for coming. Thanks for having me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, nuts. Oh, there we go. No, he wasn't lying. This is sweet. You should get some pyro in there. It'd be amazing. And if it goes bad, it'll just be funnier. Hilarious. Like if the pyro screws up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Just the smoke is collecting in here. It's not even that grandiose.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Hell yeah. Great club. Yeah, you can go to jeffdye.com or follow me on my socials and all my live dates are there. Right on. Love you guys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Can I do timeout? I'd love this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Damn it. Can I do challenge flags? Can we go to someone that can call timeout? Potentially. I like that. You could do whatever you want right now. We should adopt timeout and podiums. You're really going to change the world. I'm telling you, dude, this is pretty good stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Patrice waited 20 years before he sat on the fucking stool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I did comedy and just told them what I think about why they should vote for Donald Trump. Yeah. It was awesome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
At the end, they're like, we're all doing poppers upstairs. I'm like, what the hell? But no, it is. It is like jalapeno poppers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Right. That's why it's great. I'm a 2001 liberal, which is just now Republican.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Okay, so in 2001... I didn't change any of my views. And you just became over pumped. But now I seem like a crazy person. I was like, I didn't change anything. You guys changed. Yeah. Did you get your flack for that? Because you live in L.A., right? Yeah, I get a lot of flack for it. But also, I didn't get much flack. People were just like, that's how Jeff thinks, until I endorsed Trump.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
That's what was over the line for them. They were fine with me being Republican, conservative Jeff. They weren't fine with me being pro-Trump. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like girls don't really care, though. All the girls are, like, closetly obsessed with it. They, like, message me. They, like, they'll, like, secretly message me, like, hey, just so you know, I think this is bullshit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, it's our thing. That's where you guys bond. It's our thing together. You guys love wrestling? Because I know I look like this, but then people go, oh, he likes wrestling? He's actually a fucking, yeah. Makes sense on a pub thing now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
No, I love... I think it's also one of the newest things that's happened to me. There's a comedy called Finesse Mitchell. Great guy. I thought we were friends. I was at the Lafferty. He's like, you've gotten real political lately. I was like, what? People keep accusing me of like, oh, you've really chosen a lane. Oh, you're pandering. It's like, no, it's just what I think.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
No, you were these fat black guys always.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Why does it have to be pandering?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I did comedy in Seattle, Washington. That's where I'm from. And every show, every open mic, every showcase was, like, Jesus sucks, anti-religion, fuck George W. Bush, you know, abortion this, abortion that. I didn't once go, wow, you guys are really leaning into this whole Democrat bullshit. I didn't once accuse them of grifting or anything.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
But then I say a thing and they go, oh, look, he's trying to get that Republican coin. It's like, no, no, these are just how I feel.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
But in my mind, it's like, we're going to make the money either way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Right. But I think the accusation is insane to me. You know, like when I was like saying nice things about Barack Obama, all I got was little pats on the bottom. Like, good job, Jeff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, I wasn't. pandering to them, but now that I'm endorsing a guy that doesn't think we should cut our kids' dicks off, everyone thinks I'm nuts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Don't hack them the way they like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It's comedy. We're just doing the job.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
I love it. Well, also, what do you think about these becoming a part of stand-up comedy?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Yeah, you're only allowed to be political if you're left.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
And, like, then if you're a little bit right, you better be real, you know, you better be careful over there. And you're like, why? I'm just going to say what I think. We're comics. Who gives a shit? Yeah. I'm all about getting that bread anyway, dude. Someone's like, you're a painter. And it's like, bro, I'm getting that bread. Well, like, I'm not getting the bread from it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Like, when I do Greg Gutfeld on Fox News, I get zero dollars. They pay me nothing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Oh, yeah, yeah. That's the biggest show on late night. It gets people to come to my show, yeah, for sure. So I guess there is a way to make money on that back end, for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
Well, like, podcasts are free. True. Yeah. Joe Rogan's the biggest show in the world. I've never been paid to be on Joe Rogan.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
But it's worth it. I want to be on it. Have you ever asked him? Asked him to pay me? Yeah, but hey, Joe. No way, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 533 - Log Cabin (feat. Jeff Dye & Lemaire Lee)
It's just worth it. You do the things you want to do. When Joe replies to a text from me, I'm like, holy shit. If we had phones when we were in fifth grade and Amber Shoemaker replied, I'd be like, there's a girl on the phone. I literally am like that when Joe replies. I'm like, holy shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Every time I... Well, no way it was in a cake room. That was after I got killed. Every time I got killed, I was like, okay. Not every time, but... And then your body would relax. Yeah, yeah. People are going to go away, you know? It was like the death rattle.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
I thought McConaughey would be like shorter. He's like no. He's a big guy. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Dude, that kid was up front, bro. He was having the time of his life.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Yeah, Bloodline. She's Bloodline. She's part of the Bloodline? Yeah, but the one's out for the Bloodline. Does The Rock ever go back to anything like that? Yeah, he's the final boss now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
What's he up to? He's settled out of court. Oh, so he's just chilling out. Yeah, he's just chilling.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Yeah, they continued. They thought he was alive because he stood up and then fell. Oh, he stood up?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
This is a vibe crusher, dude. Ultimate vibe crusher.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Dude, Ray Mysterio killed a guy. Well, he didn't kill a guy. He hit him with a, he started, you know, the 619 where it starts with the toe drop to the rope? He did that to the guy, and the guy, like, flopped dead onto the rope. What? Yeah. How did he die? Like contusions or something. I think he had a heart attack. I don't know. But he died there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Well, yeah. The 619, he does a toe hold where it's like you grab his foot and you flip him to the ground and then his neck. And they're laying like facing out of the ring.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Yeah. Was this recently? Maybe like 2019. That's pretty recent.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
What do you mean? How do you process that? He died the way he wanted, you know? It's like a good way to, I don't know. I don't know if it's like a bad way to go, but like, you know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Triple H breezed by us. He walked behind us real quick. Triple H was there? Yeah. Oh, that would have been cool to see. Isn't he the president? Yeah, he's the boss now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
So who's in charge, The Rock or Triple H? Triple H is in charge of wrestling. The Rock is in charge of TKO, which is a company that owns UFC and WWE. Damn, he owns that? Yeah. Shareholder, shareholder.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Guys would trade accounts like RuneScape. You know, you'd like give a level 100 RuneScape account and then you'd sell it to like another guy. That's probably what he did. He just probably bought a bunch of level 80 accounts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
I just know about mining. Yeah. I tried to build a rig. I couldn't do it. The programming part was too hard for me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Yeah. How far did you get? It was like in 2015. I had like two GPUs ready to go.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
You could have put a program on there, and I couldn't do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
I don't know. That's what I was trying to figure out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
What's a qubit do? A qubit is a measure of quantum power. Yeah, but like, okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Okay, so I watched your video. It was like explaining like I was five. The guy was like, quantum computing is like, so you know how a coin has two sides? Sure. There's an endpoint. Both parts are entry and endpoint. But like quantum computing is like spinning a coin because there's an infinite amount of entries and exits.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Yeah, but like infinite because it's an infinite amount of points.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
Points of data, points of computing, points of processing. So it's not binary code? These are all general fucking words. It's not binary anymore. I don't like these words.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
The prophecy is fulfilled. I did get a lot of tickets. I also stole a lot of tickets. It was a good time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
He's unked up, dude. He was. We were full of burritos, too. We just ate burritos that morning.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 543 - Spyder's Web
I think it was Nate, too. We had the same food.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 561 - Beautiful Things
Just some movie on Netflix like, These beautiful things that I like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 561 - Beautiful Things
He's the guy who says, These beautiful things that I've done. Oh, that guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I'm not going to put a needle into my body. You have to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I've seen a couple in real life. Yeah, take that back. I think there's that guy that hangs out at the bar by us. I saw a bit of Lego, bro, walking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
You do a little patch?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
A little rhino horn? If they made a snortable tea, I would do it, actually. That's a more fun way to do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I think more people have snorted creatine than they realize. That's a common cut for cocaine. Really? Oh, yeah. Creatine is like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Bumping creatine off it would be kind of nasty. I might bump some fucking coke off that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
We got a fucking Call of Duty sponsor, baby. We did it. The original. Fucking T dosage, bro. A little bump, bro. Shane, you got high T. No, I don't think I do. Yeah, you do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Super high T. You haven't had it tested? Fuck no. That's a sign of high T. Yeah, you're like, I know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, I would say there's definitely more. I feel like they're outside, bro. There's more than you think.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I've also, I've been doing my best. I've been a crybaby. What do you mean? I mean, we always talk about it, but I was just, you get done with a long weekend. Like, I was in the UK. I was fucking totally exhausted. I came back home, and I was like, what the fuck am I doing again, dude?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
obviously i'm just hung over so i'm sad but it's like yeah cut it out although with high t comes high estrogen because they do kind of a couple oh really yeah if you have high t you usually have high estrogen as well yeah because you have your body has to you know that's why sterile like bodybuilders they take estrogen blockers because their estrogen raises with the t is that why they get titties i don't know maybe it could be
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Could be. Or maybe they're just in the gym working on it. Maybe they just worked hard and finally got the results. They got big woman's tits.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I'd be in the gym like crazy if I could get woman's tits on my butt naturally. You can.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Dude, you ever see those like jacked fucking, they have. Really? It's funny. Sometimes, yeah, I'll see a dude in a movie like that's supposed to be like a jacked, ripped guy. And he is, it's just because his pecs are gigantic. but just a smooth set of woman's tits. Damn. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Ooh. Yeah. Dude's nipples poking out of their shirt is for real. Like the opposite effect. I see a dude's nipples out of their shirt. I'm like, bro, woman is like, this is what have I done? Nipples on a guy. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I mean, these dry fit fucking polos, this nipples, it's a nipple show. Yeah. Your nipples aren't poking out. Not right now, but I'll get them going. If you were to broad set AC kicks on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
That hurts. It hurts like hell. I get that normally. If I wear like the wrong, if I got a shirt with like a patched on logo, my nipples get, or a dress shirt. You have giant nipples. You think I have giant nipples? No, I don't. My nipples are good. You have perfectly normal nipples. They're perfectly normal, dude. I need to put that on someone. I instantly believed it. I was like, I guess I do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
No, normalize it. It's nice. Normalize it? I'm excited when I see it. I've talked about it before, but there were some albino Indians that worked at the Sbarro's in my mall growing up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah. You've been sending me some shirtless pics. I have been sending Shane some shirtless pics. Every time he makes progress in the gym, I think it's just for me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
yeah i think you go to the gym to be like shane check what i've checked what i've done to my body post immediate post pump picture oh yeah it's the best i do it in the dude from i get in the steam room i come out i have a glistening glaze on my body bro and i send it to shane i'm like look at this bro this is nothing sam hyde has been sending me nothing but pictures and facetimes from when he's in the sauna and he puts the phone at his feet and goes
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah. Super high tea. Super high tea. Too much. Super high tea.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
There's no way you're low tea. Go back and fight the doctors.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
That's the proof of high tea. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
That's a long sell. Takes himself a long sell. Getting rid of smoking and drinking is low tea. That's a low tea activity. That's literally a girl decision. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
can you drink too much shut up bitch that's the low that's the slow sell too to be like dude i'm on your side he's gonna do the same test he's gonna print like a fucking like furniture fax office printer like oh yeah dude you actually dropped that's crazy you're funny he's like on the semen scale but that's cool yeah that'll be fun It is cool to look forward to. I say it all the time, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
It's like if you get older, you can just smash the T button and go nuts. Just go do double whatever they say. Just go double that up. Double that up. See what the fuck happened. I watched a video because they were like, dudes are taking. I watched this last night. They're saying a lot of dudes are finding out theirs are average and taking it. And they're like, it's only for people who are very low.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
And I was very excited to see them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah. Well, I think it really if you're high T taking more T doesn't really bring your T up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
right i don't know also there's a question of absorbing it you could put it in there you might not be able to absorb it so whatever that'd be cool i think it'll be a lot of it too it'll just be nice if i'm getting injected by anything by a doctor i'm gonna be like oh fuck yeah yeah hell yeah you like it yeah i would like that i hate it i hate taking blood i hate taking needles yeah i'm not a big fan actually can't do it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Every time I go, holy hell.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
This would be like a needle in your butt, I'm pretty sure. Okay, I can do that. No, I'm not trying to be like... You put a needle in your butt cheek.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Dude, that's something I've never seen.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
You got a flabby ass?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Are you serious? Dude, my butt. This is also another female psyop. Men should not have fucking sculpted.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
This is like the 90s. I was like, we don't have any differences in Mechanicsburg.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I got a peach. Matt's got a dog.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I admired Matt's dog several times.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
He does have a nice donk. Yeah. I was watching White Lotus, and the guy comes in and fucks a lady. He has a giant sculpted ass. I was like, ew. Who, the Schwarzenegger? No, the guy when she fucks one of the Russian guys. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He had a fucking jacked ass, and I was sitting here by myself, and I was like, ew. Fuck is that, dude? It's the guy's bike.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I'd rather see his dong. You're on a flight from London. You're like, Jesus Christ. Yeah, not now. Will it ever end? The boner is not going away.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Did you watch that episode? Yeah, I'm caught up. It's the funniest thing possible.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
unbelievable kid there was a clip recently i saw online of him like finding out he was in white lotus with his family and he like crying and being like yes oh no he's also at a white lotus style resort he was his rich family's at like a beautiful resort yeah i thought it was on set yeah that's funny yeah oh my god but then you get the script and you go
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I never even knew Indians could be Albino.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I mean, what else is... Wait, hold on a second. What is he... I know, dude. You're going to jerk your brother off. Although, dude, I will say he's been... I'm so impressed by him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
They were. I can tell fucking alligators can be Albino. Anybody can be Albino.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Bro, if his dad would have blown his head off, that would have been the funniest day ever. You got jacked off by your brother, came home, and your dad blew his head off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
It's also so sick being like, yeah, we blacked out. I don't remember anything. And he's carrying the memory the entire time of being like, when the girls confront him and he's just like, that didn't happen. Like, no, I watched it. And he's like... Can we just stop talking about this right now?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, I don't know. You have to kill yourself. That whole family might... Suicide. Yeah. My mom was talking about it. She was like, I can't live any longer. I'd kill myself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
She's hilarious. Unbelievable.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I got a theory of what's going to happen. Do you really? I heard a good theory, too. It's going to be Goggins and the Bulldogger go to try to fuck with that guy. The guy they've been trying to fuck with.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Public constrictors, Indians. That's a fair point. That's exciting. What was their vibe?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
and then there's going to be a shooting at the place, and I think that sweet guard is going to be the one. I think he's going to get popped trying to protect his babe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
My theory right now is the older brother
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Could be multiple shooters. It could be he brings his gun back from Bangkok, and then he hears maybe a suicide shot go off. He's thinking it's the other guy, and he fires. There could be multiple gunmen all firing at each other.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I hope it's monkeys. I hope it's monkeys. That'd be the funniest thing possible. Like one of those little fucking capuchin monkeys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
That would be, yeah. If we just got to watch a family fall apart and then get killed by a monkey, that'd be great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
You got jerked off by a brother and then a monkey shot you. True.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
They were great. They were running around. They have to be. The family owned the Sbarro's, and they were having a good time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah. Do you have a sister? I have a sister. Can you imagine doing drugs and her jerking you off? Yes. I would kill myself. That's different, but still fucked up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Your brother jerking you off? I mean, it's not ideal, obviously. I don't have a brother. I can't. I mean, dude, I was watching it. Sisters, it's all hell. It's hell, for sure. But, dude, having a brother jerking you off is crazy. You and Baby Billy. That's crazy. I was sitting there with, I was watching it last night with Brittany and she was like, I was like, dude, he's like visibly sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
And she's like, do you think you would get sick from that? I thought about it, immediately felt sick. And I was like, yeah, I guess so. I was like, yeah, that made my, it turned my stomach immediately.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah. Who's your brother Fabio? It would suck if it was one of your boys. Yeah, exactly. You know, it's like you and me did something and I, you know, you ended up. I feel like our situation would be different. Our situation would be different. If we like kiss just to make it a funny joke and then you ended up stroking me, that'd be fucking crazy. Our situation would be different.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
And that's genetic. It was like a portion of the family.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, our situation. We'd have a different sitch. Yeah, that'd be different. He was his brother. To be fair, to your point, Lewis, his brother was plowing. So there was a woman involved.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
A lot of the fam was albino. There was albino kids. And the wall, they were right next to the wall in the food court, so they would just run over there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
So it's just the South Park episode with the aliens. Well, they're like, oh, God, you suck in my thing with like the Jewish aliens. No, I didn't see that. Earth is a reality show and these aliens are coming to cancel it, which is just they're going to blow up Earth. And then the boys go and hang out with them and they start doing blow and they fucking suck each other.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
That's true. And it's, you know, the problem is, this is the thing I was wondering about. Is it, like, something where he's, like, dying to relive it? That could be part of his revulsion. Because they were, like, kind of, like, he was, like, showing his brother's ass and jerking off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Why did they immigrate to America? Do you think they're being worshipped too much? Probably.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
best how is it we had the pig rankings of all of our friends who's the top pig really the topic i can't say it here i'll tell you later it was the funniest first initial the first name nope but it was funny because he'd be furious really the topic okay that's a compliment i'm hoping i think if you just do i don't know yeah i could guess yeah this is really how do you define a pig
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
just pig behavior dude just the trowel you put out this you put out the fucking slop in the trowel and they're fucking drink drugs women yeah oh yeah the most vice versa pigs maybe you i'm up there i'm a good pig that's why i assembled on this trip i took o'connor and derosa yeah i needed the pigs to ride and i'm not gonna go to the uk and fucking not be picked
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Verdansk. Where is Verdansk? Is that just a made up place in Call of Duty? Yeah. The original map.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
They were probably on one of those 900-foot towers that everyone in the village carries and drops. They keep dropping them. They drop them every day. No. In India, there's some ritual where they build like a giant tower. It's like a parade float, and they carry it. And it collapses every time, and everyone has to run. I've seen it. It's my algorithm is Indian towers collapsing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
They are super smart. Yeah. I feel bad about eating bacon. Every time I see those like pig pet Instagram videos, I'm like, fuck, it is kind of like eating a dog.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, they're awesome. We had a pig when I was growing up. We had a little pig kicking around. What'd you do to it? Just chilled. Actually, they're very sexual, by the way. It used to hump. We had, like, an exercise ball. Yeah, dude. We had an exercise ball. We threw it in the pen, and it just, like, for real, in front of all of us, just humped it and jizzed all over it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I mean, dude, that's exactly what you would do on an airplane with no societal training. If you saw like a hot flight attendant, you would just go up to her and start being like, no. All right. Fucking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
okay it's like walk back maybe be like come on they just like fight you just fight your dad go sleep by yourself in the corner yeah dogs do growl a little bit when they fuck do they really yeah they bite the back of the other dogs little shay shay shay and sharp head How was the UK?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
It was awesome. It was nice? It was nice. Yeah, it was fucking great. But we went to the UFC fight on Saturday. I didn't know there was one out there. Yeah, it was in the same... I was doing the same room the next night. It was great. But we were sitting there and we were up close. The chair next to me had Jared Leto on it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
and i was waiting the whole time i was like damn jared leto's about to sit next to me this is gonna be crazy over and fucking uh talk to him about thin red line he just never showed up but it was nice a guy from philly beat the fuck out of leon edwards that's sick yeah sean brady and the entire anytime he had him ground and pound because the whole it was in london so everyone's cheering for leon anytime the whole time it was ground and pound and brady was just fucking destroying him and i was just sitting there going
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
go birds go they i haven't watched it back but you have to be able to hear it that's awesome and then after he won he was like all right thank you guys so much go birds it was just the nicest that's awesome yeah he beat leon edwards ass fucked him up dang yeah it was crazy i got to meet louis thoreau he was with us that was awesome really yeah yeah yeah that dude rules yeah he ruled
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Might be one of the best investigative documentarians ever. Yeah, he's the fucking man. Ever motherfucking do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Noah Gallagher came and hung out at the London show from Oasis. Oh, really? Yeah, he's the fucking man. Yeah, it was crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, apparently there's a lot of drama with that whole band. I didn't know. Oasis? Yeah, apparently. I could be wrong, but I remember watching something on it. They haven't been together in 16 years.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
They're not talking shit. Maybe that's what happened. Maybe Liam jerked him off and then caused a rift in the family. I mean, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Would you like a wank? How about I do that on stage? That's funny. Because I was talking about jacking off and I was like, oh yeah, you go, how about having a wank? It was nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
That is the funniest way to say it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Dublin, I was talking about black people in Dublin boot. What? It was so funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
When's Conor McGregor going to become the president of Ireland?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
They hated him. Did they? I was shocked how much they hated him. Really?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
He's one of the top pigs. He's one of the top pigs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, true. He's one of the all-time pigs. Oh, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
It's the pigs. It's one of the biggest pig qualities. And he got, for sure, busted.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
See, I thought it was allegations. Until the people that were in Dublin were pretty confident. Oh, no. I think he lost.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
India's sick. India's getting like a lot of recognition right now on social media. Not a lot of it's great. I'll be honest. People are being pretty negative towards them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, I heard he lost the case.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
He, for real, pig. Like, he did pig out. He's a pig. Yeah, dude, beating up old people, pig behavior. Pig. He, like, morphed his entire physical... Yeah. His being just morphed in, like, a year from pigging out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, I'll be honest. I wouldn't mind whooping the hell out of an old man every now and again. I'll be honest, bro. Just his bones are breaking. They're all brittle.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, you can only take so much. But, I mean, as a UFC fighter, you can't beat up an old man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
People hate his whiskey. He was like, fuck that. I mean, that's setting yourself up for his people. If you're like a rich guy who's starting a whiskey company in Ireland, everyone there is going to be like, I don't want your fucking whiskey. It's a terrible piss. Get it out of here. That's just a recipe for a giant Irish spaz. That's the best whiskey I've ever had in my life.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
They were negative for a while. Now they're back. I think so. It's pretty. They survived it. India got canceled for like a month. And now they're back, dude. They're getting that bump.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Well, dude, fucking Rama Swami's back. He's going to be like the governor of Ohio, I think.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, Ron Swann, he's giving it a shot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
He bounced back. He was going to be president, but then he spazzed on Twitter and now he's governor of Ohio. Not bad. Not bad. He's got a lot of time. Shoot for the moon. Yeah, exactly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Where's Casey? End up in fucking Ohio. Aim for the stars. Yeah. And you'll land in Ohio. Well, it's good to be here with Luis J. Gomez. Thanks, Shane. I missed you, buddy. I missed you, too. It's been too long. It has.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Applying for Beast Games is... You applied for Beast Games? I applied for Beast Games. That's why we need to move it up a little. He's got a meeting this afternoon to apply for Beast Games. What the fuck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Thank you. Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
What's the layout of that show?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
The first layout was great. Everyone's in the same room and they offer your row.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
verdansk ukraine verdansk i'm excited i like call duty is important man call duty is like a it is for like dudes well-being i feel like dudes need to play call duty at nighttime now more than ever i think yeah men are lonely it's actually the most stressful dejected right yeah i got mlb this show going myself you what i got a career going road to the show baseball What's going on with it?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
like you can eliminate your entire row and take the bribe the money yeah but then everyone else in your row is eliminated and it gets up to like 150 000 and people are like no i'm staying i love you guys a million i love you they did this the entire fucking time the million thing made me want to kill myself crazy i think we talked about as soon as they hit a hundred thousand dollars i was like this is what i've been laughing about i hope you get the show and you bail on five bucks just eliminate a hundred people go ten bucks
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
That's lawyer client confidentiality. Hold on a second.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
oh yeah i'd like to have that thrown out your honor objection yeah that's all that matters you get a boner the pulses are that's your and even that i you could argue i could argue your pulse too I could stand in front of the good people and argue at polls, but guys, that could be anything. It could have been anything. It'll glitch for the Twitch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
About that 16-year-old's rocking tits on an airplane. Her huge bare breasts. They were covered in flowers. That was the one thing the movie did. Didn't they cover it? No, no, no.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
That was Nina Savari. The other girl shows her boobs. You do know these girls' names.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
True. Hey. I can't believe you know the daughter from American Beauty's name.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Dang, it's turned into a pedophile hunter.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Who's the girl from Fast and the Furious? What other movie is she in?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, dude. What are you talking about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
What about Birch? What are some other movies you enjoyed her in? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
If you know this, you're out of your fucking mind.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, that's how I know about this. I didn't know about this. Yeah, she was like 16 as well. This was another CP... Yeah, they just filmed it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
We were like lusting after this girl.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
What if they counter-eliminate you? How does that work? You're out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, I rip it. That's nice. That's good. It's pretty sick. It's important. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
You get nothing and you're done. You could walk out with nothing. No, it's a psychotic show.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
They deserve that perk in life. Yeah. All the bullying, all the stuff. They got to peep your dong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah. It's only fair. Speaking of gay guys, I watched this documentary on the Joplin tornado. What happened with that thing? It's just a giant F5 tornado that ripped through the middle of the town and killed like 160 people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
But they filmed this documentary. Every person that was in it was gay. What? Yeah. They interviewed like three different people that were clearly gay. One of them was a young boy newscaster from San Diego that wanted to be a meteorologist, and he was corresponding with an adult meteorologist from Joplin.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
They had a little thing going, and he was like, I'll tell you what, we usually get crazy storms in May if you want to come by. No. And then the mom was like, I'm coming with you. What the fuck? So I think that guy might have been caught at Walmart by the mom, but then had to be like... Nah, it's just a storm. I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
But then the kid happened to be there when the most devastating storm ever happened. Was his mommy there too? Mom was there. Damn. They made it out. They were all right. Thank God. If you get killed by a tornado.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Then there's a bunch of challenges. But the first thing to eliminate half the contestants was people being greedy and taking it and eliminating everybody. But the whole time, everybody was going, I love you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Also, thank God you didn't get.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Watch the documentary.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
you can get rocked by oh oh dude you go to a basement you're fine how then the house falls on you i don't know it's the biggest tornado the house gets lifted up it's the biggest tornado ever they got fucking killed i don't believe it it would fucking rock you so hard they're trying to drive natural disasters i just don't buy i was in a they're trying to drive away from it they're one group was getting chased by it one of the dudes got sucked out of the sunroof
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Who, the kid who went over there to hang with the old man?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
He made it. But it was a different kid that, you know. He got pulled out of the sunroof of a car? I keep calling them all gay. Yes, he got launched out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I mean, that's kind of sick. That's a great way to die. If you got to die, well, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
No, apparently it fucking hurts because it's all debris. You're just getting hit by glass and dirt that's going 300 miles an hour. Just cows hanging in the fucking chair. You're getting hit by the worst shit ever. Entire houses flying.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
An old lady on a bike just fucking hit you in the side of the head.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, I for real just thought you got launched super high and fell. I didn't realize all the debris would fucking kill.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
The debris just hurts, yeah. Bro, the one... He's getting pegged by debris.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Wait till you hear this. Because it ripped through all this old dead soil and dead vegetation, it had... fungus in the air that was like a flesh-eating fungus that got into people and killed a bunch of people oh no yeah it was it was they had a flesh-eating fungus in their dirt everyone does that sucks yeah You're thinking about your garden.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I just added another roly-poly to my garden today. Dude. You added it? I find them. I find them walking around. I keep them in my hand, toss them in my garden. That's nice. What do they do? They're just good. They break stuff down, eat other pests. Nice. Very beneficial for gardens.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I didn't know that. I was fucking with roly polies my whole life.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
dude i'll never they just met yeah dude within the first hour there's people crying it's everyone's crying it's crazy it's actually crazy sacrificing themselves they'll be like i'll get eliminated for you dude go win this you need they don't know each other they've never met these are the most insane you're gonna fit right in it's gonna be nuts to beat the fuck out of someone for taking the bribe you're gonna fucking you're gonna go in so you cannot be the one where they're in the cube
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
So yeah, everyone. Just watching those fuckers when I find them. Everyone fucked those things up. Watch it roll up and you go. Toss them. Yeah, it was like smashing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, and the legs still twitch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I'd love to condemn you, but I've seen a couple of those legs come off and keep moving.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, it's pretty sick. Yeah. Damn, so you turn it into just a fucking head? Just a fucking little ball. Just a daddy. Just a regular daddy. Yeah. That must be crazy. Just be a fucking legless daddy long leg trying to interpret the world and just sitting there like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
say mercy we fucking uh yeah but did they uh do you gotta hurt them well here's the thing because they say they don't have the pain receptors but even if it doesn't hurt it's still got to be experienced as a giant inconvenience yeah yeah to just be like you know on your p's and q's trying to munch some ants and all of a sudden you just all your legs have been ripped off you're just rolling you're not even rolling they can't even roll at that point they just yeah kind of just a disc
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
They're just like a little observation point. They're just... Until they die. Yeah, probably quickly, yeah. Yeah. It's probably sweet for birds, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Worms can do some weird stuff like that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
But no, I don't think a daddy long leg spawns legs. I don't think they could survive the period of growing new legs. You know what crabs do? What? You ever watch them rip off their claw?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
No. Yeah. They'll rip off their own arms.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
They get bigger, better?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah. Shit. It'll take its one fucking claw and just go... What the fuck? And just sit there. Crabs are... I'm into that. You ever watch moose shed their... And deer and shit shed their antlers?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I've seen them scrape their shit off their antlers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
That is pretty sick. They just stand there and they go like this. And both their antlers fall off and they get scared. What the fuck? Oh, shit. They just take off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I've never seen them knock them off. I've just seen them just like scratch them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
No, they'll fucking literally just shake their head and their antlers fall off. Damn. They take off. It's pretty fun. And it's pretty tight. Anyway, that should probably be the end of the episode. I think it's the bigger bettors. How are we doing? Oh, I thought we were well past. Never mind. I was going to switch over. I know you have to get to your Mr. Beast interview. Yeah, true.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
That'd be great. We'll see. He did Kill Tony with me and Matt. Oh, did he really? Yeah, he did give me a little inside. Get me on, dude. I'll try to help. Get me on. That would be the best. Talk to Mr. Beast for me. That would be the best. It would also add a lot of viewers. I promise. But otherwise, actually your viewers, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, true. You'd be in the middle of taping. They'd be like, actually, we're taking you home. No, I hope you get that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
It's like, well, I'm just saying. It's not your fault they were in the movie.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I'm sorry that I'm a movie buff. You're just a consumer. That is crazy to be a director. What trophy are you going at? You don't need it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
It was totally fine until after American Beauty. It made it that far.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
That is true. You know, yeah, at that time, we definitely were, like, parading kids around and, like, putting them in makeup and making them sing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I've heard. I feel like I heard of this movie when I was younger. Like, my older brothers would talk about this, but I don't remember. Yeah, it was like a brother and sister.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Did you watch the whole thing? I watched, hold on, was the cube worth three people going? Yeah, dude. The guy who didn't take a million got eliminated over like a sandwich. Yeah, dude. So at one point, each group, there's like four groups of 100 people maybe. They have to pick one person that they think is trustworthy that won't take the bribe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Dang, La Mer, that's even worse.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I don't know. I never got past the first 15 minutes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Hold on, Your Honor. And they couldn't get off the island? And then they waited as long as they could. Damn, they had to repopulate the island with Southerners.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I mean, yeah, that's a wretched thing to put onto a kid's mind, being like, and this guy gets stuck with his cousin on an island, they have sex, they're 14, and you're like, I know exactly what cousin.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I know exactly which cousin I'm thinking of. Mom, I'd like to do a carnival cruise.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
We don't see each other as a family.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Every time that boat rocks, you're like, this is it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
The boy was 18. And it's suddenly awesome again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Damn, shout out to that kid. That boy. He was 18, dude. Sweet ass. His name was Chris Adkins? I know that. Did you just know that? No. Okay. I know who Christopher Atkins is. Let me take a look at this movie.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Also, as a casting director, it's got to be crazy to be like, we're trying to have someone who can pass as a naked 14-year-old girl. And then they got to, that might be the ultimate transcendent pig. Oh, man, this is child porn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
What the fuck? That's the... Oh, dude. I'm just looking at the posters for the movie. Looks like they remade it. Oh. In 2012, Blue Lagoon, The Awakening.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Because if you take the bribe, your entire team is eliminated and you get to stay. and a chance to win. So they, they have four or three or four people on this big platform. They're offered a million dollars.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Probably two 40-year-old fat lesbians.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Eric Bross and Mikkel Solomon were the directors and put those boys on the list. Wait, the remake? Yeah, they remade it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, that's nuts to remake, to be like, let's run that one back. Although Romeo and Juliet, technically they were probably like 12.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
so yeah no that's true I'm not gonna put that on them it is weird though that every every like a lot of women's shows are centered around high school romance It's true. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
But even before that, all those soapy WB things, they're all high school things that a lot of adult women would watch. It's like high schoolers making out and simulating sex scenes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
It's about high school kids. Do you see It Follows? I love that movie.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I'll tell you what gets me going. Stranger things. Shows hot as hell.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah. Really? That's the one where the... You've seen It Follows. I've never seen it. There's a scene where the thing that It Follows just turns into Pedro. Looks exactly like Pedro Salinas.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Really? It's so fucking funny. I've never seen that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Oh, it was me and Beezer. Okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Loved that fucking movie. Was that a Stephen King movie?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
No, you're thinking of it. True.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
No, he did a new movie. He did a new show that was on HBO like five years ago. Yeah, that was... About a guy who was in the same place.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
It was kind of like The Stranger or something. The Outsider.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, it was The Outsider. That's what it was.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
The Outsider. Yeah. We're at an hour?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Let's go straight into the Patreon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
They're crying again. They're all doing this again. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
When did that become... Are there 99 people watching you?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
They're all like, don't do it, please.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
And there's just guys up there like, I love you guys so much. I would never do it. How did they pick the trustworthy people? They picked the most insane.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
You got to pick up like a $20 bill and like, someone drop this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
this isn't mine anyway i'm just gonna leave it here i would never do that care about this stuff that would be standing in front of 99 people you just like a kicked off a tv and be like just dash their hopes of making millions of dollars would be a pretty interesting feeling yeah stand in front of that go you know a million dollars not doing it is the dumbest thing yeah ever yeah because at that point it's supposed to be one person winning five million dollars
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, the end result is everyone gets eliminated except one person. Yeah, exactly. So who won?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Who won the whole thing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I didn't finish it. You want me to give a spoiler? Sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
He must not have gone to high school with me. All we did was creatine.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
We just bullied this little kid. I really used to think creatine was steroids. I thought creatine was like an insane thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
We're starting now. The beginning of that didn't count. Verdansk. Verdansk returns. The box of rations. What an insane choice that was. What? To say that right away. I know. It's pretty crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I had no idea it was a natural thing in your body.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, like it's apparently something you like kind of have to take, I've learned.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Damn, so he used the whole 10 mil. You're taking creatine? I've been taking creatine. God damn, man. Taking so much. I've been taking it every day. Yeah, I like it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
You're all over it. That's good. Hey, Matt. This episode is brought to you by Prize Picks. I'm pumped for opening day. It's good to see some Phillies baseball again. Hopefully our bullpen improves with Jesus Lizardo. Speaking of pitching for the Phillies, what was throwing out the first pitch like? I'll tell you what. I was probably more nervous about that than hosting SNL.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Taking Joey Weaver. He got drafted. I went to TCU. They included college baseball in it for the beginning, and that got me high school and college. You played high school baseball? I played a little high school baseball.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I just didn't want to end up like 50 Cent. And get shot nine times or what happened? Yeah. If I had to do it again, I'd take myself more than one nervous breakdown throwing out the first pitch. Citizens Bank Park, baby. Book it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Wow. That, dude. This week on PrizePix, I'm going with... I think I'm going to go with the... Orlando Magic.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
You got to pick an individual. Oh.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Okay. I'm going to go... Hold on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Let's go Bryce Harper.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Moore. I'm trying to figure out who's a good player from the Orlando Magic. I was going to start broad and narrow down. Victor Oladipo. Victor Oladipo.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Less. Penny Hardaway. Moore. Shaq. All right. You heard our picks. Now it's time to lock yours in with prize picks. I'm telling you, these guys are legit. I love prize picks. I've been messing around on the app and it's super simple. You just pick more or less on two or more players for your shot to win up to a thousand times your cash. I've been messing around that app big time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
You can talk to guys on that app.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Really? Yeah. I've been talking to guys. You can talk to a fellow. You cannot talk to the other guys. You cannot talk to guys. Unfortunately.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
But you can pick more or less.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
That is not part of the ad. That's something that may matter considering pitching two prize picks. Let us talk amongst each other.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
That'd be fun. Nice to chat with guys. Chat, meet up. On PrizePix, you can mix and match player projections from different sports, combine your favorite basketball players with players from baseball, hockey, esports, and much more. PrizePix is the best place to win cash while watching sports. Join over 10 million users and sign up today.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Don't worry about it. That's crazy. There's nothing I can do. That's when the career starts. What do you want me to do? That should be illegal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Download the app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. PrizePix, run your game. Run your game. Must be present in certain states. Visit prizepix.com for restrictions and details. It's time to run your game. Me and Louis are stacking right now. We're T-maxing right now. You guys are fucking jacked. No, we're T-maxing right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
We're both trying to do endogenous T-maxers. What's that? Just boost your T with like adaptogens. What's an adaptogen? It's like an herb. Anything like a natural substance. Adaptogen is just like a word for an herb.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
But yeah, dude, I've been taking maca. I know about the maca. Maca, shilajit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I've been waiting on some shilajit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
And moringa. And moringa? Bro, I woke up this morning... With a boner. What do you do on the merengue? It's my third day on it. I woke up for real, like, afflicted. Just kind of like, Jesus. I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
You play as girls in Call of Duty, dude. Shut up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I didn't take anything. I flew home from London. I was hard for an 11-hour flight. I had a boner the whole fucking flight. You didn't go rub one out? It was great. I considered it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
The sink is diabolical. Come on. Look, I've been there with you before, brother. I'm saying hit the toilet or like a napkin or something. The sink is crazy. No, I put napkins. I've jacked off on flights. I've jacked off on flights. Sometimes, like you're saying, I've had that crazy flight boner attack.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
This is the closest I've considered, and it was 11 hours. I would take a nap, I'd wake up, it'd be harder.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
yeah that's a character you can choose is a black chick with vitiligo what yeah it's crazy it's kind of i think vitiligo that's the skin uh yeah where she's like got natural camouflage that's why i chose her true the vitiligo community might be the most overrepresented community in the world it's a very small percentage every fucking model i look at scout it every you know what i mean they're everywhere yeah i've never seen one of them in real life
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
On a flight, I will say, you're... It's a quick one. Fast one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
It's probably because of all the pills you took to get super hard. It's probably a StemFab thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Taking fucking Molly and meth. No, I don't take drugs anymore.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
What was the thing that sparked this? What sparked your like? I wanted to raise my tea.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Every single dude I've ever talked to is like, yeah, I have no testosterone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
I have no idea. Whoever the big tea salesmen are. It was Joe Rogan. They're making fucking money. I've never talked to one guy that's gotten his tea checked that isn't like. Dude, I was talking about this on the podcast. That's why I'm tired all the time. It's like, no, you're just getting old. You're fucking tired.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
What are your plans, though? What are you trying to get your tea up to? You want to be more aggressive.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
You're the horniest, angriest guy I've ever met. You have too much tea. No, I don't. The doctor was lying, dude. I've never met someone with more tea. You're screaming and coming constantly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Chill out with the tea. It's all you do. If there was a Mucinex commercial for tea, you'd be the meekest guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Yeah, but did you, like, sleep bad the night before or all that? I know that stuff affects it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Well, it can't hurt you. If you're just taking, like, maca and stuff. I'm taking Tongkat Ali. That's my... Tongkat Ali is nice, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Nice. I feel like nobody ever thought about this stuff ever before. No, for sure. People were mostly fine. Yeah. You know what I mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Nobody was talking about any of this stuff. People didn't even know what it was. I didn't even know. And also, I think it's kind of a gift from God that it drops off as you get older. That's the last thing you need is to have high tea and be like fucking 50. Yeah. It's just like you're setting yourself up for the most potent disaster ever.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
The thing with it, it's like, I think it's the Manosphere podcast have really fucked a lot of people up. Yeah. But it all does stem from Rogan. But he was being original. Yeah, he was the first one. You know what I mean? He's just like, now those were his interests and he got so popular. that it's every dude in America's fucking interest. That's a fair point. It's like, I love jujitsu, tea. Space.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Space is fucking nuts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
Well, I've been on a space train since a young man. I used to read astronomy. Yeah, I used to read astronomy. Astronomy. Astronomy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
attacking each other i've been on animals attacking you since i was a young lad animals do animals rock i will say the tea is nice for end of life if you want to i i really want to save it till i'm like i'm going to really feel a dip to like the lowest possible pretty much borderline trans yeah and then just like a phoenix out of the ashes yeah just be sitting there one day being like in
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 552 - The Biggest Pig (feat. Luis J. Gomez)
and just be like, it's time, and just fucking just take so much tea. No, I'm not injecting anything into my body.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
wild wild west yes yes what a uh man what a little what a week what a crazy week what a absolutely crazy week i'll say this about shannon yeah the funniest thing to me about shea shea defending himself was being like you only have a 30 second video release the full 10 minutes it's like he was like i didn't fuck for 30 seconds i fought for 10 minutes but the whole sex tape out
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I mean, dude, it's like... Hopefully it's all fabrication, you know?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
The phone call was the one you just played where you said, black guy chokes white girl?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I'm going to shay-shay on that, but that's all I heard.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I haven't looked into anything about it at all. Other than I just saw a little bit of Shannon defending himself. But it just cracked me up being like, it wasn't 30 seconds, dude. It was 10 minutes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
the west we will have it in front of the 12 of my peers so yeah it's it's you know we'll see i mean if he releases that's gonna be crazy to sit in court and watch just read those texts oh just getting freaky bro that might be not his i was gonna say that's everybody's nightmare uncle might be like yeah that's what i do yeah dude for sure yeah he already got caught up with the
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Dude, this is way off topic, but saying how bizarre reminded me of, I've definitely said it on here before, Bob Lazar on Joe Rogan with the UFOs. It's called Bob Lazar. I was out in Area 51, Bob Lazar.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
They were brothers, dude. They literally said, I love you every day. I watched it every day during the Peaceful Purpose.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
You're telling me that was fake? It was fake, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
According to Chris Cuomo... It was fake. He was the one leading it. I watched it every night. Cuomo was overly like, I love you, brother. We're going to get through this. Dong Lemon was always the one that was kind of like, all right, I love you too, bud.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I never thought I'd say it. Maybe sinners change me. I'm siding with Dong. I'm siding with Unk. I'm sorry. OJ Simpson, I'm back. Yeah, bro. In the spirit of an innocent man. Drew.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
He had a hot dog snatch. No, he had a hot dog snatch allegedly at the Hamptons. He allegedly hot dog snatched.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
A major. It was one of the great hot dog offense. One of the old, what are you selling? Hot dogs?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Aren't they all calling one of the girls on ESPN a whore? Who? Who? Yeah. No one's saying shit about Shannon Sharpe's out here putting out sex tapes. What'd Skip get fired for? He was being a horny ass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I know. You just got to wait a year. Pomo's all about loyalty. True. It's the Italian way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I wonder if he had Dongs back when Dong went through the hot dog scandal. I mean, he didn't. The great dog scandal. The great fucking Sag Harbor dong scandal. A good weenie caper.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Lights came back on. Dong was gone. Oh, it was you, Dong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
She was a wascally wabbit. You're saying she was a fine wabbit. She might have been baby of the week under different circumstances. Yeah, she's a lullabunny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Still could be. I don't see, you know. I don't want to see your eyes light up like that when you talk about lullabunny. I know you want to fuck cartoons, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Lullabunny's unbelievably hot. And again, they took it from us. The woke left took that from us. I'm a Jessica Wabbit kind of guy. Jessica, I mean, obviously. I'll tell you what, I'm also back on my lib shit. What's up? I watched just a video today of... It was at the UFC when Trump's cabinet was there. And they do that thing where the camera gets in front of you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Every single one of them was like... Trump's cab? All the bros. Fucking Marco Rubio was like... It genuinely pissed me off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I'll show you. It's going to fucking piss you off. You can't be a repub after you see this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
oh yeah i saw skip do that debate about lebron he looked like he was gonna get gangbanged what happened did that he just did a like a one of those things where you sit down and people argue with you first like 25 people yeah it was like lebron versus jordan but it started he was like i'm skip and i'm gonna and there's just a bunch of dudes standing behind him it looked nuts these people are out they're bonkers yeah i don't understand the need for like that level of discourse where it's like it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
These are the bros. Mark Ingram being funny. Sick. Deion Dawkins, beast. Licks his wife's face. Awesome. Now, RFK keeps it classy. He's how politicians should do it. Uncomfortable waves. Here's the head of the FBI. Cash Patel.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I never thought of it. Cash Patel is an Indian in the cupboard. He truly is. The FBI director. Ugh, what's going on? You fucking kidding?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Those guys aren't as cool as they think. No. The libs are probably as gay as they are being accused. Yeah, for sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Next to his... That's what I want out of a politician.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I think Patel ruined it because Tulsi's Hawaiian. So that's probably what that was.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I had a fun experience. A guy gave my girlfriend his number right in front of me, which is pretty funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
But then I got his number, so he left. So I started texting him. I catfished him for a while.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
as long as i as long as i could and then i said you're probably good at it too i was really good i was about to say and then i was like can we hang out tonight and he was like i can't hang out tonight but soon and i was like uh are you awake and he was like yeah i was like can i at least call you he was like yeah called him i go it's me pussy you dumb fuck you gave my girlfriend your number right in front of me you dumb bitch he was like oh dude i didn't know i'm sorry
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
So that was the other night. That was fun. What a beast. I mean, I respect him too. And he wasn't, now here's the way I was looking at it. Cause he wasn't a great looking guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
He was kind of an older drunkard, which he probably saw me with her and was like, fuck it. She'll fuck anyone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
fuck it i'll give this thing a shot uh or he thought the discrepancy between me and her was so great that we were just friends sitting there or he saw you chatting i was sitting with her what the fuck he's probably an old drunk horny devil he was a beast i'll give him i'll give him credit for that a lot of old drunk horny devils like shamelessly yeah he was i i respected him
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
And then I got my gun. I got an MPX. Nice. Perfect timing. I got a gun so that guy can come fucking find out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
No, I don't want to make fun of them because the gun is awesome and it was a gift. And it's really cool. But they painted it. And it's Eagles colors with an Eagles logo by the clip. And they gave me a fucking Call of Duty. They gave me a Fortnite gun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
that's and that it's cool but you know you should shoot him you said nate saw it me and nate went and fired it it's a great gun did you get to shoot it yeah it's an awesome gun it shoots like it doesn't yeah you can't miss yeah so it was it was sick this house is shooting that guy's dick when you were trying to shoot wait what the target i was blowing his dick off oh yeah it was crazy perfect you can't miss fucking 20 shots straight to the dick you literally cannot miss center grab that's where you got to go dude right to the center
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Turns out that's actually a good place to shoot someone. It's perfect. Because you got the dick and all these arteries there. And, you know, if you shoot, you're shooting to kill, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
If I discharge my firearm, I'm trying to dispatch you into the next world. For sure. I'm not trying to find out. He's still in the fight if he's wounded. I'm going for his teeth. I want to make sure he's not in the fight. Take out the sidearm.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
But I got, yeah, I got a gun, but they painted it. So it's kind of a silly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
And they're Cowboys fans because they're going to be down here. They're definitely going to be Cowboys fans.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Yeah. It's literally Bukkake. By the way, we've all been there. I'd like to see her take on more than just one guy. Let's see what 25 looks like. I wish I hadn't done that. I'm not the man I thought I was.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Yeah, I actually felt bad after I catfished the guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I hope he knows it was all in good fun. I mean, was it? It was pretty bad, although I did go get up and look for him immediately. I was like, what the fuck? I'd be pissed, man. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Now they're scared of us. True. Now they know we're vampires.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Potatoes. I might grab a hot dog. I might break in there and grab a dog if I need to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
You're not some fucking Dong Lemon. You're Cuomo at heart.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I do want to say this because people are going to be gay about me talking about sinners. The Irish vampires might have been a little nod to Irish oppression. What happened? Because that's how they became vampires. There's certain people that can play music so good that it communes with the otherworldly. And the Irish are one of them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Yeah. Rocky Road to Dublin gets the evil ghouls coming. Just so you know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
The problem with Ireland, they better fucking let immigrants in. True. What the fuck have they been up to? They're all entire fucking... Immigrants. Yeah, that's all they do. They go, ah, saved up enough money, I'm getting the fuck out of here. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Chill. Yeah, I did that in Dublin. I did a joke and I was like, I brought out like black football teams and the whole crowd went boo. And I was like, yo, yo, we're not allowed to boo black people. I know you guys are allowed over here because there's like six of you, but chill, chill.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
They were having a piss, and they knew it was funny, and everyone in the room knew it was funny, so everyone was laughing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Funny vamps, bro. They're the funniest vampires. One, two, three, four, five.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
You need to see... Sorry. I don't speak about another man's house. Don't talk about him, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
What was with the plumbing? Because we had a toilet that was like that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
The ladies from space. I'm back on that, too. That fired me up. I'm getting hit with videos of Katy Perry's dumb ass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Yeah, that could have been better babes. Better babes. Better babes. That's what we wanted. Different bunnies, man. They could have grabbed some different bunnies. What if they just took the last six babes of the week?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
What about, they're a bit of a Kanye. They'll fucking suck their cousins. Dolphins will suck their cousins.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
You got it, bro. Nate? Big no from me. I'd like you to leave the snow buddies alone. That's something me and Dr. Umar can agree on. I got triggered last night, dude. What happened? Saw Sinners. What's it about? It's about evil Irish vampires attacking black people to steal their souls and music. To steal their rock and roll. What was this on? It's a huge movie. What?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
How do you think animals mate? Although there are courting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Dolphins rape guys. Dolphins rape other male dolphins. They all stick their dicks in like their blowholes and shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
bros apparently the dolphins are they're sly devils i think there's like a lady that live with dolphins that end up jacking them off yeah yeah there's people get a little fucking horny around well there's that whole job huh dolphin killed himself because the lady had to leave really yeah they found out about her jerking off the dolphin they reassigned her and then the dolphin just like drowned yeah john lily john lily got like that's pretty nice the dolphin drowned the guy john lily was like he's just like i'm not going back up dude he
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I'm not getting jacked off. It's been a fucking week since I got jacked off. I'm staying at the bottom of this tank. Fuck it. Fuck it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
That'd be the coolest fucking thing in the world. I know. Until one of them turns on you and fucking bends you over a barrel.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
There was a guy who claimed he would fuck the same female dolphin. He would swim out and fuck this dolphin. What? Fuck. I got to find that. That was a great story. Yeah. It was disgusting. He should be executed.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
How come bats don't? They might. Well, then we need to get to that bridge in Austin. Yeah. True. Margaret Howell Lovett was a lady who jacked off dolphins.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
How did Peter the Dolphin... His name was Peter the Dolphin. Peter? Oh, Lily was... Yeah, Lily was with her.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Dang. She was known for living with and attempting to teach Peter, a bottlenose dolphin, to speak in the 1960s. Part of the John C. Lilly project. She was trying to teach the dolphin to talk.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
To talk. To speak. It said speak, not like communicate.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
She did. Eventually, Peter, being an adolescent dolphin, frequently had sexual urges.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Not cool. Not cool. Which disrupted his lessons, and taking Peter to a downstairs pool with two female dolphins proved to be a logistical issue for Lovett.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
eventually love it relieved peter's urges herself stating it wasn't sexual on my part sensuous perhaps it seemed to me that it made the bond closer not because of the sexual activity but because of the lack of having to keep taking breaks and that's really all it was she's saying jerking them off decrease the amount of breaks you think that would increase the breaks little dolphin siestas that's pretty hot
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
That was part of Peter. It would just become part of what was going on, like an itch. Just get rid of that scratch and we can be done and move on. She's not wrong about that. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I mean. That's the hot part.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Obviously 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Obviously. Yeah, yeah. No, the movie fucking does rule. It was a very good movie. Irish Vampires? Yeah, it kind of hyped me up. At one point they sang Rocky Road to Dublin outside of the... It was... I mean, it's basically Dusk Till Dawn with... Django. There's a Django scene. There's a Django scene. You'll see when you see it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Lovett might be the only cool lady on earth. Yeah. She might be the only one that understands it's just an itch. It's just an itch. Just scratch the itch and then we can move on. It's just an itch, man. Then I'll go to the Charlie XCX concert. I'm not going to the fucking Charlie XCX concert unless you scratch the itch a little.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Oh, man. Matt, if you know me. Look, guys. If you want to make your mom happy this Mother's Day, it's simple. Call her. But if you want to go the extra mile, and you should, it's your mom, get her an Aura digital picture frame and send her some meaningful photos.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
they didn't say when it has to be read verbatim true that's true so I'm a fine print guy Matt true that I can't wait to show my mom this picture of me me flexing shirtless oh yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
from behind flexing from behind shirtless showing my back traps glutes my mom needs to see my gains close up on my glutes it's actually a good idea to aura frame out and send your mom befores and afters of your gains for sure she probably hasn't seen you in a while go this is what i worked on yeah man wait till you've done the gains don't just send her a whole before album eighth grade to now just being like i'm such a that's actually a great idea it'd be nice yeah just flexing hard i'm gonna start taking the same picture every year
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
They're going to be in there, but... That's what it is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
She would understand that. An aura frame is exactly what she needs to store and display all those pictures. You can even send her a picture the next time you're talking to her on the phone telling her about that game you went to. There's a reason aura frame was named best digital photo frame by Wirecutter. That's no joke, folks. That was in Wirecutter and featured in 495 gift guides this year.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
What? Yeah. Plus, Aura has a great deal for Mother's Day. For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off plus free shipping on their best-selling Carver matte frame. That's crazy. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com, promo code MSSP. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Mother's Day is on lock.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Please come. Yeah, go to ShaneMGillis.com for tickets. I'll be in a bunch of cities. Goodbye. Oh, wait, Guard Dog, do you have a show you'd like to promote? Yes. You know to get in front of the camera. You know that. Okay. Would you like to join me? Are you coming, Lemaire?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
You're never going to guess. Jim Crow, Mississippi. You're never going to guess. One of our proudest moments. Yeah. There's running back the hits. There's a running back. The big time hits. No, it was... The movie was good, but again, I'm working on not getting triggered by race baiting. But the movie was good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Because I went to the show and it wasn't good. I went to Optimum Noctis, and the lineup stunk, and there was 20 people in the crowd.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
It seems more like an excuse for you three to go fuck off than that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
You're like, it's not funny. Your uncle fell from the zip line.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Yeah. What noise did you make when you hit the ground? I don't remember. It was definitely like... It was like a wind knocked at you type.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
If you were in a chair, this would be a sick pod. That would be nasty. You'd be smarter. True. Then you could understand quantum physics.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Was it a trick? Yeah, but did he fall off a horse or hit a ski?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
The evil white vampires did kind of piss me off. And the only white people in the movie were evil, nasty folks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Oh, dude, we didn't even talk about our fucking beautiful papa. Our pope passed away.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Sweet, sweet papa. Papa's gone. What? I don't think that was real.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Forgive me. Somebody in our group chat posted a thing from the New York post. Trust me, I checked. I was like, there's no way that's fucking real.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Dude, the Green Goblin. I was so excited when I got the Green Goblin. And I took pictures and I sent it to everybody just because I was very excited. And then instantly started getting negative feedback. What? And then I realized, fuck, they're kind of right. It is gay. And then it took me a while to come back around and be like, no, this gun's fucking sick. Fucking rules, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
They shoehorned Native Americans and Asians into the good side. What? So it was everybody against the honks, dude. The honks were outside going...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Lev Furze, fucking bitch ass. Who? Lev. Do you know Lev? You would like him. We call him Heavy Levy. He's a guy who ballooned during COVID. Beast? He was a handsome devil. Really? And then COVID happened. For real, it was before and after La Mer on the Green Bay trip. He just beefed up. He beefed up. Not his fault. The government did that to him. Kind of.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I mean, I wish I, I want to tell that story about that. It's a live personal story. Yeah. True. Making his girlfriend cry. It was one of the funniest stories I've heard.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
fuck i want to tell it i'll tell it i'll tell it and then text him and if he says no we can edit it out but we he gets he gets a lot of guff for being heavy and he said one time he ate so much that he made his girlfriend cry and i guess what happened guard dog
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Yeah, they were in the middle of an argument about him having to be healthier. Yes. And in the middle of the fight, he had just ordered two Subway footlongs. And they arrived. And arrived, and he sat down and grubbed 24 inches. 0.67 yards of subs. Of hoggy. Of hoggy, right in front of his babe. Subway's buffalo chicken. Subway rules. Everyone tries to shit on Subway. It's great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Your babe crying. My dad was... Dude, if I grubbed so hard that my woman left the room crying... Such an... We can only aspire.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I don't know if you're wrong. Yeah, I guess I could. I think it depends on the dish. If you sit down and smash a cake, they're going to be not too pleased. Yeah, like, mmm, that was yummy. Ooh, yeah, ice cream. That's another one. Yeah. Two Subway footlongs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I don't know, but I guess. They had it figured out back then. It's a thing in the Delta, I guess, Mississippi, where Asians did go there. And due to Jim Crow laws, opened bodegas and shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
the thick layer of tis man my it's so fucking good it's it's stand-up fuel left said it's okay yes be obvious beast he is b i've never seen someone that doesn't care more about yeah i love heavy and he talks shit to everybody he's very funny animal he's a nasty fuck i must have i must have met this guy i never yeah for sure i'm not yeah i'm not a uh but you weren't really that much in new york
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
i was i was playing we played halo me and him would play video games together and one night it was like 3 a.m when we're playing halo and he's like i'm kind of hungry i think i'm gonna get a chicken parm sub and i was like dude just go to bed yeah it's 3 a.m let's just go to bed you do not need to or you need to stay up until five like four to get that parm sub Don't get me wrong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I wish I was willing to go, yeah, fuck it, palm sub, 3 a.m. The wake-up's... Sober.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
And he gained 500 pounds. And he drove a motorcycle.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
To be like, you guys can fucking... Yeah, they're a middleman minority.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
And they did that, I guess, back then. I don't know how prevalent it was that it needed to be in the movie. I don't know how many fucking Choctaw Indians were running around in 1930. But, you know, fuck it. They're vampires, so...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Don't do this to me. Hold the baby corn snake. I'm going to take that one. I might use that tonight. I might use that tonight with my woman. Hold the baby corn snake. You know what time it is? What? What time? It's time to hold the baby corn snake. The baby corn snake's hungry.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
what was it what was it what was the vibe in like the uh the vibe in the theater no the vibe you went to the theater and watched i saw last night oh shit yep i was one of the few honks talking about in the in the bodega whenever they'd make a point in the movie i'd hear a lot of and it didn't piss me off until i got on yeah well actually i almost was standing up going uh
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I don't think he's going to fucking bite his ass, too. With the bearded dragon? Yeah, this thing's a fucker, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I think a girlfriend might come in between him and his bearded dragon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
He'll be carrying it down at Easter, going, everyone...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Damn, I didn't know they were this chill. They're chill as hell. They're the king of chill.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
don't get me wrong bearded dragon's cool but i mean i know what you mean i don't want a pet that's nothing you're talking about being a reptile adult yeah yeah it's tricky i knew a reptile adult a dear friend of mine i think i might have talked about it my my cousin was dating a reptile adult she had a giant fucking like iguana she had a huge lizard that they would she would like put in bed with them
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
You got aura robbed on that zipline, dude. I mean, the zipline. That's devastating. Crush. That was all your coins.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
If you look into the actual history, I don't know. I don't know. What do I know? You've never been there? I wish you did. The only thing that bothers me, it's not that movie. It's just that that's how people get their history. Yeah. That's what they think was real.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
All right. All right. All right. All right. That's good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Always. No, not the Irish vampire, but I got on Twitter and someone was like, that's why black people don't have welcome mats to let vampires in. That's just old Mississippi voodoo. There you go. Yep, for sure. Every single thing that we do today was from that. What? I think that was just one dumb person, but... What the fuck do welcome mats... It's about vampires.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I don't know. You'll see. The movie does. Michael B. Jordan fucking rules. He rules in it? He fucking rules. And he plays a twin brother. He plays himself twice. What? Which normally I fucking hate. Yeah. He did a great job. He nutty professored. He nutty professored out. And it was pretty good. That's awesome. When they told me he was playing his brother, I was like, oh, that sucks. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
And I saw it and I was like, man, he's pretty fucking cool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
They're trying to get in there. Give me your spuds. Give me your spuds. I know you've got spuds in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
let me in i'd like to suck your sports i know you're keeping the spuds back there let me in there uh yeah the music scenes were sick and really yeah you'll see yeah whatever i'm complimenting a lot because i got frustrated you're gonna love it you guys are gonna i'm really looking forward to seeing it actually I would love it. Let's get a white movie.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Where we kill all the other races. Oh, you can't do that. Why? You guys do it every single fucking time. We used to do it. We had those movies.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
They were a big hit. I swear to God, I think they showed Birth of a Nation at the White House. Yeah, remake Song of the South.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I have – I would like to see the Lakers win it all. I like what they're up to, and I usually don't like the Lakers, but I'm enjoying it. I'd like to see – Lena Doncic and LeBron Jones.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I will mention a particular player. LeBron James.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I hope. You want to see him? I'd like to see him do great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
If he wins here, this could be it. Yeah, true. But he's doing great. He's having a great year.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I'm going to go Shea Gildress-Alexandra. I don't know how to say his name. Really? Shea Gildress-Alexandra. He's the man. You'd like OKC. They're a fun team.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
They're beating the brakes off of the Grizzlies. Yeah, they really? They're fucking killing them. That's awesome. Every game. It's two games, but good guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Yeah. Beautiful. First game was by like 50. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
You're back. I'll let you finish. I'm back, though. I'm back in my... Right wing king. Right wing king. Saw Sinners last night.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
You guys were some bad guys for, yeah. They had a good run of being. Not really.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
In the early... Early 90s? Early 20th century. Early 90s.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I don't remember them being a bad guy in a movie. In the last 30 years since I've been alive.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
I don't know. Thug henchmen are always white. It's like a fucking Home Alarm System commercial. Yeah, true.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
No, that's a horse of a different color. Let me get movies mixed up with the news. Yeah, movies since I've been alive. Now, I will say they did hit black people with... cool black friend sidekick yeah for a while yeah which come on man we're trying Yeah, I'm going right now. This is the honks trying their best. Movies? Now it's white friend sidekick in black movies.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
We've switched. Yeah, I watched G20. You guys are going to love that. What's G20? Oh, come on, man. It's the best film. What's G20? It's Michelle Obama biopic. What? No, it's not. It's not. It's Viola Davis plays a kick-ass war hero that becomes president and... Saves everyone's lives. It's time to save the whole world again. It's good? It's good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
It's based on evil white guys break in to try to kill the coolest black lady and the coolest black husband and their kids.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Kanye might be a vampire. He sucked his cousin. He fucking wanted to suck his cousin.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
It could be just chatting. But that one seems, that's a tough one to put on yourself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
He says that in the song? I think. Oh, this song fucking rules. I gave my cousin head. I gave my cousin head.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
Yeah, we need that. Instead, we got cousins. Is that what it's called?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
He probably saw White Loaves. True. He's probably like, I could do that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
You're trying to avoid... After Unk got in trouble, you're trying to distance yourself. You're trying to leave the Unk sphere.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 556 - Spud Sucker
It goes to the very top. Curb street. It goes all the way to the top. Lee Corso said we could do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That'd be fun. Let's just start. Fuck it. Hey. Yeah, I thought it could have been House again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
All right. I watched season one. It was great. Yeah, it was, man. It was hilarious. It's very interesting, I'll tell you that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Any female witness is nullified, dude. One male witness is equal to like five female witnesses.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, I don't think there was like an alien UFO. That was just a fucking weird government thing to do. I'm gonna be out there tonight. I'm gonna look again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
There's also a chance it's just a guy. Yeah, just a neighbor. Just having fun with it. It's a big fucking drama.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That's what I'm trying to figure out. A lot of tech down here. There's nothing here, bro. It's all tech now. It's tech?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah. This is a lot of tech down there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Pouring his heart out like that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That was a close one. Yeah. I'm usually quick to defend. That one was.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I went to the Notre Dame National Championship.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I was, not through the administration. You're one of the pure ones. AB invited me. I got invited with AB. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which was tough to turn down. Wait, AB was there? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Antonio Brown was at the inauguration. With Theo Vaughn and the Paul brothers. I mean, that was a crazy lineup. Dude, it was.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I didn't see him either. He was there. For sure. Yeah. I saw a picture of him and Trump. And he invited me to go with him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Oh, yeah. Trump's behind him kind of fucking laughing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That's how we both naturally talk. This is our radio voice right now. We've been code switching this whole time. Whenever we talk, we're like, yeah, I'd like some Chipotle. Could I get chicken bowl with rice? And he says, yeah, no problem, Shane. One day the portions will be bigger. This is some bullshit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Can you do it? Can you do a good MLK?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It's like, we know that's not how you talk. What are you doing? It was bad. Who is that guy? Was he a pastor?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Oh, it's the 40s and 50s again. Everybody's going back. Let's just do whatever we were doing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It didn't happen. Huh? Theo came back and said, my bad. Turns out they didn't fuck with the chair.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I don't think, I think he was serious. I have no idea, I didn't talk to him about it. I think he seemed serious. Yeah, yeah. I was ready to ride.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, you can't really tell, but that seemed serious.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It's Epstein. No, you're going to keep it changed. Okay. This is bordering on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Unless he sells a fight with them. True. Because he just goes and gets knocked out by the Paul brothers. I was ready to ride against the Paul brothers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Maybe he sells just getting knocked out in a couple months. That'd be so sick. Yeah. Yeah, falling through a chair out of anywhere is hell. But inauguration, that's... That is funny to think about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Oh, yeah, I get him confused. They're both box, but the younger brother's the one who just beat the fuck out of Mike Tyson. So unnecessary. So bad. Yeah, that was, like, sad, man. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It has nothing to do with that at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I think that was Mike. Yeah. I think Mike was doing that. Yeah, no, that's what I said. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It does, yeah. That's actually a decent point. CTE does get kind of spread. He's got a point. Yeah. They got it from somebody who probably had CTE too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I think it's probably just most former NFL guys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, they're wrecked. Real old.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I'm not going to watch it. That kind of ruins the whole fucking thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I know. You had to go to Atlantic city or.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah. It was illegal. Yeah. They just made it legal. And now every single person gambles.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I was mad at LeBron during the national title. Why? Oh, he was Ohio. Yeah, he was in the box. Oh, yeah. I mean, you had to know. Put a crown on his own head. You knew Notre Dame wasn't going to win that. I didn't think Notre Dame was going to win, but. First drive looked good. Great season. You gave a pep talk, though? I did. You did. I'm not supposed to talk.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Well, that might have been the reason right there. That shit didn't happen for you. What happened? No, I just met the boys in the morning, gave them a little...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That's incredible. I think I'm not supposed to talk about it. Okay, okay, okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
But no, that was awesome. Yeah, got to meet Marcus Freeman before the game. Phil talked to him. It was nice. That's awesome. Phil made his way all the way back to the title after the week two heart attack. Huge. Beast.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Did you feel all right? I mean, it was... I knew it was... I was like 21-7. I was like, that's game. Yeah. And then... They cut it to one score with like four minutes and then questionable decision to try to kick a field goal for no reason down 16 or whatever. Yeah. But great season. We'll be back for sure. We got to raise some money for the Irish now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I'm going to give them a little. Yeah, that's where all the money's going. That's where all the money's going. I'm going, fuck my family. It's going straight to Notre Dame football.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah. I was looking at the confetti, watching Ohio State score, just sitting there going. I called my agent immediately. I was like, let's book a show and give all the money to Notre Dame. Notre Dame needs a champion. I woke up the next day like, ah, fuck. Fuck, that's a lot of money. Fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Fuck the LA Fires. Notre Dame needs a de-tackle. I need to give that to an 18-year-old. Those dudes are nuts, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That's on Monday. Me and Burr are going to do a show out there. Where's it at? Where's the show at? I don't know. In L.A. I forget what it's called. The Wiltern? Yeah. Is that what it is? The Wiltern?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
What I'm doing? It's a fundraiser for the fires for LA.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
No, what's happening is all those rich people whose house is burnt down, not that I'm like, fuck them, but they are all renting apartments now in LA.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
and the prices are just oh everyone's now because now thousands of rich people yeah just buying came down from the hills yeah just crushing it like landlords are calling people like hey get the out of here that's i got a guy who's gonna pay triple what you're paying and if people don't know the laws they're just like oh my landlord said i had to leave that sucks yeah so what the are y'all talking about man
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, I don't know anything about all that. So they were telling me where shit was burning. I was like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
For sure. No, but I'm doing a fundraiser. What are you doing to help?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That's why I brought it up. I wanted to involve myself with you guys. There you go. I mean, anything y'all are doing to portray. No, he was in Atlanta when I was, and I was like, cause I was going over to say what's up to the team before the game. And I was like, it'd be nice to have Drewski with me for the black players. You know what I mean? I walk in, the O-line was hyped to see me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Let's get the White House and DBs fired up. Let's get the wide receivers fired up. Let's get the running backs and wide outs going a little. Here's Drewski. Let's get Drewski.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Linebackers in O-line, we're flying.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I didn't think they'd get as hyped. I was going into it like, no one's gonna give a fuck, this is gonna be awkward. I walked in there like, ah. Sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I feel like he would have went longer. What do you mean? If it was intentional, I think he would have went longer. That was quick. I didn't get to see how it ended either, though. It was quick. Well, yeah. It was like two minutes. Yeah, but it could have been. He was going hard, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
What do you usually say? The second is like, don't come, don't come. Don't come, I'm right there. You go, oh shit. I wish you would have shot that bitch goddamn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It's just nice. I just like having it around. And also, I think about it a lot. Maybe when I'm having sex, I go, good Lord, if somebody heard me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I was just wondering if the show was about black love or not.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That should be what you walk out to. Just play it for two minutes straight. Oh, that's a good girl.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
In the middle of a good dick beat session, this guy was researching facts about how to come better. You definitely, he stopped watching porn. Now you're jacking off to fucking research. Don't act like you wouldn't jack off to some research.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
He's in the dungeon, man. He's cooking up research on guys being gay in the 50s.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It's an insane, insane statistic.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
google i want to know if my brother's brother man dude 30s in the 50s dude that's crazy and that's self-reporting it's good they included the jizz part because otherwise back then everybody would be like i was kind of fucking gay i said good night to a guy when i was leaving a party yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
These are insane numbers. We're just throwing shit out. Hold on, hold on. Here we go. I trust the science with this. Me and my brother were trying to say... Did 37 say yes?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
We'll do a blind study. Everybody, I won't tell on you. Everybody, close your eyes. Raise your hand if you did something gay. Close your eyes. I didn't close my eyes because I'm not fucking gay. I feel like if you participate and close your eyes, I feel like you're a part of it if you close your eyes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, he closed his eyes. You closed your eyes? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I did, but if you participated in any way, that counts. You're part of the percentage.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I might be out. I've been in the room when dudes have jizzed. That's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
You go to one kid's house who has a perverted dad. You go, bro, break out the stash. The boys need to party.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Oh, and it's no phone. And it was just on. Yeah, you're just like, fuck, I'm going to jerk off real quick. Yeah, you guys go over there. I'll go in the cell room. Don't look. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
What's up with the train? Yeah, what's going on with the train?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
How did that? Of all questions. Did you miss that train? How did that go? That train might have left the station, but you were right there. You were right there to get on that. That train took off from the station for sure. You were close.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I forgot you actually might have. I've seen pictures with you. Yo, what's the look you gave me?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I've been relieved. Turns out no one was there. Everybody I've asked says, no, I was not there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It's like, how do you know? Wasn't Denzel saying that? Yeah. Denzel was like, no, I got out of there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Denzel, yeah, that would fuck you up. You're on Ecstasy at a Diddy party. Fuck. Denzel Washington comes up and whispers a quote. Training days, you? Training days, you? Oh, shit. These guys are sick, man. Seriously.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
These motherfuckers. Because you know me, huge sports guy, huge beer guy, even bigger prize picks guy. Bigger?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Prize picks? You know I love my brewskis. Don't you dare get in between me and my brewskis and my wings. Join me in the fun. Combine up to six packs. Oh, my God.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Sorry, I mean combine up to six picks. Jesus Christ, guys. I'm going to change my life. This is an ad or this is a prize picks intervention. I know. I'm deeply sorry for how I've...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
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Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
What a cool story you just told us. What a cool story you told us, man. You the man, bro. Make sure you edit that out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That's neither here nor there. That's fun. I know nothing about that. Scooping balls is fun. That's guys having fun. I agree. Diddy might have liked horseplay. And sometimes people take that the wrong way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
girl this probably isn't good yeah no yeah now we're back we had to scratch all this no it's fun stuff huh no it's good it's fun so we definitely think this is fun stuff it's fun stuff you'll be all right there are serious allegations against him but yeah i would never yeah he's he's a innocent till proven guilty in my book so we'll see what happens
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
You're being a little sweetie on the show.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
You're being a sweetheart. Yeah, what's the difference?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a completely different topic. All right, so it's you and a ton of women in the house. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That's pretty sick, actually. You kiss?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
You going every episode at once?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
This episode will get taken down, but we could just air this part. Just certain parts. We could have like a three minute podcast of us going, when's it out? Great. That's a three minute five. Are you going to do it like all the episodes at once or are you going to do it weekly?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That happens. What's next? What's next on the duck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
No, for real. He has like a mustache and a crew cut and a helmet and glasses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People didn't know it was him. Nah, that's dope, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I think you've done a good job. I don't think you've said anything wrong. Matt, on the other hand, you have some explaining to do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Good shifting, though. Good shifting. I thought my drone show was going to be a topic for a while. No one gives a fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I got to see it. I was so excited.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
They do have different smells. I'm glad you said different instead of bad. It's not all the same. Yeah. Although this particular house does smell bad. Do y'all have dogs? Y'all got dogs? No dogs. That's just whites.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
How many people have y'all had on the podcast? Not that many.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, it's kind of fucked up. And I keep trying to get it fixed, and for some reason, plumbers don't believe me. I go, bro, I swear to God, the house smells like shit. And then it never smells.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
No, no, no, no, no. I wasn't at all. You did. You said you didn't know white people smell like dogs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
God. Damn. How long were you guys in there for? Hopefully forever.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
So you're doing the, this is the white part of your press tour and you're going to come in and say we stink like dogs?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Does your mic smell like a wet dog? I can't smell it. Mine doesn't smell like it. That's why I smell it. Fox can't smell his own hole. Smell his. Smell his. Let's trade. Oh, yeah, this one does smell a little.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
A full week we were in there. A lot of Muslims have killed themselves for that exact scenario. Are you really? Yeah, it's 72, but yes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
The what? Oh, the blue one's supposed to be for the... Oh, you got the butt mic. We record farts on this podcast and we fart into... If somebody has to fart... He's kidding, he's kidding. I would never do that to you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That would be real. Don't give him the butt mic. You would have every reason to be very, very upset. That would be so disrespectful.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
No, it is. It's pretty fucking funny. I just watched the one where the kid was like, my dad's the president of the NAACP.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
He's like, well, that's not true. Your dad lied to you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
And then he was just like, all right, I'm done with that. And then here comes a tragic story. Yeah, there's more trauma.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That's what he did. That was like for real, the guy's audition.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
He was the man. Yeah, yeah. You could tell he was a good guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Are there any little people on the show this year?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
They're running around. Ha! Yeah, they're around. Yeah, they're around. I've never seen more midgets than when I put on anything with you. There's always a midget.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Honestly, that's not far off, yeah. Yeah, I swear to God. I was in a museum, and they would just paint them. Yeah. Yeah, because courts, like a royal court would hire you to paint.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Paint them. Paint the midgets. Yeah, but imagine you're a barber.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I bet, dude. They're strong as shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, of course. I think that's what's so nice about it is you treat them like regular people. You make fun of them, it's great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I get it. Trust me, I get it. I don't know who you're lying to right now. I've watched the show. I've watched the fuck out of the show. Every time you say something, I go, God.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Now, do you get them an Uber home or do you fire them out of a giant cannon?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Oh, hell no. You cannot let that happen.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I'm like, did we fuck up yet? No, you support the studs. Yeah, nah. No, that is pretty. By the way, fuck you. I watch your stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
That'd be dope, yeah. That'd be dope, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I think we've done it. Yeah, damn right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Oh, okay. Sorry about that. Dude, thank you so much. Yeah, thanks a lot, man. And honestly, if you guys think of anything that you want edited out, we will.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
We watch the auditions here. We usually, before we film or after, we're fans. We toss on the auditions. Yeah, so what is the show again?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I definitely was going to have a talk with y'all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
For sure. Yeah, yeah. That would be awesome, man. Yeah. What happened to La Mer?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
He got disabled. He's headed back to his.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, LeMary used to live here. Who? He just moved out. The guy that just went back to his office. Back to the beach laboratory, dude. That's where he used to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
No, we just had to clear it out. He was jacking off back there. I was in Philly for the last five, six months.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
He made it his gaming room. And then lied to me about jacking off in there. He said he didn't jack off. He said once. Just once, dude. That's like when a cat pees in the basement. It's going to pee again. He cracked a seal on that room. There's no way you were getting hard in there and walking back in there. You're not walking outside.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
You'd probably swim across the pool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Why here? They don't have comedy clubs. Like here. Here you can do comedy every night of the week. Okay, okay. Versus like Tennessee and Florida. Yeah, Tennessee. Nashville could get it. They could have that. Why don't you open your own? I don't know. Maybe. But I don't know. I'm not going to build a comedy club. Somebody else.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I think I will. Nice crib. Thank you. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, this is all I need. I'm never here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
You're not wearing that type of bullshit. Fucking holes in my sweatpants.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
You guys are going to be wearing Kahurus in about 10 years. Yeah, but I'm saying...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It's like $500 a week. That's good, though, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
No, I should wear nicer clothes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
A lot of times, yeah. But you're not just doing it on leisure. Yeah, it's usually with the gig, with the show, that's in the contract.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah. Okay, so you like doing it? I do like doing it. All right, so yours is kind of like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Getting to and from the show. Yeah. That's it. That's it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Not anymore. Those days are gone. That was your thing? No, I never really did that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Drewski, are you going to shut the fuck up right now?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Nah. Yeah, yeah. Naked girls dancing? No. I hate it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
You want to know something wild? Yeah. I saw a fucking drone last night.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
You hear about the drones? Yeah. No, I haven't heard about it. You didn't hear about the drones in New Jersey? No. That's crazy. You're just hearing about this?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
where did y'all where was that right here i saw it outside there was a drone like a real big fucking huge drone for like an hour it was flying and they would come around it was doing the same lap over and over you might have actually been there might have been someone just watching you just like oh it was a it was a real big fucking drone and it was far like it was high do you feel like um do you believe in all the alien shit
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
No, I just don't think anyone knows what the drones are. I mean, if you've never heard of this story, I probably sound like a fucking maniac. No, I've heard of drones, like the fucking camera drone thing. Yeah, but there's drones right now that people, no one knows what they are. And the government won't tell us what they are. What? And they're like SUV-sized drones.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
No, it kind of looks almost like a plane, but it's got lights everywhere. I'll show you. Damn, it's tricked out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I mean, it's not that exciting, but there it is last night. It's far away. You got raw footage? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
No, it's not. I knew this was going to happen.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I was afraid to tell you guys. I'm literally looking at it. This is a plane with red lights on. This might have been an emergency plane. Trust me, daddy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
It was literally just doing circles for as long as I was out there. What the fuck? You'd see it every like 20 minutes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
No, people are... Senators are literally asking the government to tell us what it is and they won't.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Filming it never does it justice. I saw it live. Why does nobody have good HD footage of shit? I don't know. I tried to film it, and it just got blurry.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Yeah, my girlfriend was making fun of me for being old because I couldn't film it. That's good UFO footage. You fucking film it. I can't film it. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
Just the conventional healthy way. Yeah, like the newfound fame. You know what I mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 542 - Indulgences (feat. Druski)
I wish, oh, O'Connor was there. He can vouch for me. For the UAP? I can't have girl vouch. Yeah. You know what I mean? For what? To see a UFO, you can't have a woman be like, yeah, we saw it. No one's going to trust her. Because they believe everything? No one's going to believe the woman, but I do have, O'Connor was there too. You can't have a female. You need two male witnesses.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Also, Ontario, California, huge weekend, June 26th to the 28th. I will be taping my special at the Ontario Improv. Oh, boy. Coming up, so please come to that. It'll be a lot of fun. It's going to be Thursday through Saturday. Fuck yeah. It's live taping.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
All right. I just pray the disrespect stops. I was like... I was sitting there the other day. I was kind of high, and I was just thinking about all the evil against me. It's not a lot, but if you really zoom out, there probably is at any given time just people spewing evil just about your name and likeness. All the time. It hit me, the overwhelming scale, and it was just kind of like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
So I think it was you. She's like, I'm just saying. And I was like, okay. She's like, you're not in here. So the only thing I could think of is that I had Gardini's and my boarding pass on my phone. Maybe I beeped Gardini's, but that's her. If I beeped the wrong one, that's on her. So I'm like, look, whatever. We go into the lounge, and I'm like, this wasn't sitting right with me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I just had to make peace with it. I was like, I wish them all well. Anyone who wishes evil against me, mostly airline attendants. I wish them well. I had to just, I was like, I wish them well, even though they're speaking evil on my name.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Fucking piece of shit. Just five minutes of people making faces at each other. Like not even talking. Fucking. Yeah. Great. You'd be sick to bug that thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Is there a belly room? Is there like a belly room underneath it of just 50,000 weed whacker motors?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
What were they coming into? They're like pirates. Their booties are just jobs. Arr! Arr! Arr! The sight's up ahead, matey. Grab your brooms! Grab your wheelbarrows, mateys. Oh, crap.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
You're just in your house with your wife. You're like, get back. I got to protect my gerb. Go for my gerbs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
And I was like, lady, I wasn't trying to be a dick, but you do realize you kind of accused me of lying to my face in front of my friends.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Was that the Golden Dome Trump was talking about? The Brooklyn bridge?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
That's... Yeah, that's all. That's what we need right now. We need domes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
There's a lady and a, and they're all, they're like official sailors in the Mexican Navy?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
no her name is for real america yeah all right p that's fucked i bet not to be rude at this point objectify somebody who died but she sounds hot yeah you i if i were if i were a high up in the mexican navy i would name my hottest daughter america for sure yeah yeah that's again dang that sucks true you're here like hey man let me see your like dude my name's i'm literally america my name's actually that means she could have been captain america
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
That's crazy. I just saw like a quick glance at that bridge, that thing cracking in the bridge.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Next thing I know, they'll be doing an extra five. They'll be doing 30.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Their arms wide open. That's the Mexican constitution. It's just the OSHA 30, man. Dude, that is fucking wild. Dude, a helicopter crashed into Hoss's backyard. Yeah, dude, a helicopter. He sent me a picture. Crash landed in his backyard. I think they survived. But imagine, of all places, a crash in a horse's backyard.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Oh, dude, just hammering you. He was probably running around. Hammering you with quite. What the hell are you guys doing out here? You wake up, you're like, oh, what the fuck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah, crashing into Hoss's world is so funny, man. Yeah, I don't know what the hell's going on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
They'll be walking all over my fucking bits and tags.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
You can't drive? What the hell's going on? Pussy? You're like, no. Yeah, man. I don't know what's going on, people. Is it the smartphones, dude? You think it's the 5G taking down the... Or just the distraction. Or again, it's like there's the thing like this always happens. But but also like because they say like when things happen, the media starts to focus on them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
But it's also like, dude, that's two crashes in just the northeast Philly or whatever. No, he doesn't live in northeast Philly. He lives out there. But there was one in northeast Philly in the Philly area. Yeah. There's been two crashes. It's like I've never heard of that. Man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
It was a rocket. The hell's going on? Yeah, I mean, every year I'm hopeful. I go, please, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Apparently, Asian pilots have a big problem. I was actually when I when I. No, no, I swear to God, because of the like honor culture. When you were gone, I did and I like just did one of those zooms with a bunch of bros and there's a guy in air traffic control. It's pretty sick. He zoomed in from air traffic and in the tower. He was in the tower. That's not good. No, he said he said and he did.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
He's like zero nine. Roger is a guy's got any. Jesus Christ. But Jesus Christ. But he was saying that there's a problem with the honor codes among Asian pilots.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah, there's an epidemic of just single anime beats.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I don't know, dude. They stab themselves in the bellies, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah, but that's the... These are young Asians. You're thinking cool, hip, young Asians with sunglasses being like, oh, yeah, whatever.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah, but then he has to undergo tests that like, you know, it's all about tests. I think the big test is the plane going down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Oh, I said it. Yeah, I'm telling you. I used to witness it when I worked in the Korean beer distributor. The guy would like... Bro, I'm not lying. He was the boss of the whole place. He owned it. And he would put his feet up on one of those little plug-in radiators. And I watched him knock a cup on the floor. And another younger guy came and picked it up. He just went like that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
And I was like, damn. Didn't say a word. Just like... I think you could do that here. You think I could lure it out? I think knock one of those cups over. K-ball. I could... Now you have his little split thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Two more years of this Spotify money and I will be Lord.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Did you say if his apartment had any freak-offs?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
oh no his thought bubbles coming out of his head yeah that's pretty wild because yeah they're like that's the defense i guess they're hitting her with like and you fucked this guy too right she's like uh yes i did the problem is there's so many texts of her like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Apparently. Allegedly. I have no idea. Yeah. No, there was. Yeah. That's the whole case being like, bro. The problem was he lied about hitting her, and that video of him beating her came out. Which, again, if you're in Diddy's defense, you go, okay, he hit his wife. Sorry. Like, let's press charges on that. But not sex trafficking. But, yeah, the texts are damning. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
But I saw there was a thing from his former assistant. That stated like, you know, he got in there and they were like, bro, we're this is his kingdom. We're here to serve. And then it like kind of jumped to the fact that there's a video of him dancing around like a fool on Molly. He said he was in there like, were you partying? He goes, I was drunk off the Ciroc. I had taken Molly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Don't name your brand. I was Diddy Flip. He literally goes Diddy Bopping. He goes, I was Diddy Bopping. And he literally in front of the judge under oath goes, yeah, I was vibing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
he was vibing at the fo but he goes you kind of like i don't know if he was trying to paint the picture like he was kind of forced on you to like party down like that which is like you could have just said no yeah he was like i kind of had to vibe in order to keep the job so that that's not it's kind of it's kind of starting to look like from my perspective that everyone was having a great time at these ditty parties
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Which I've said all along. I'm like, look, there might have been evil, evil stuff going on, but I do think people were partying down. It's, you know, it's a giant drug-fueled orgy. Yeah, they were talking about like four-day sex parties. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I don't think so. This blows. It's so much. Yeah. No, this is like when you need stimulants and electrolytes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah, that trial, I guess that's going to fall apart, I guess, you know, if you get the texts. Because again, the sex trafficking has to be... They have no idea. You have to be tricking them into taking them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah, but it's also like, yeah, it's definitely broadened.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
You're in the gray area. If you say, hey, let's just sit here. You want to chill and watch a movie? Do you want to watch me play Xbox for a weekend?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah, it's pretty wild, man. But, yeah, I don't know. The thing is, if he gets off, like say his defense, they rally, they get him off. He's going to have to team up with the A if he gets off. That's exactly what I was saying.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
There's no choice. He's going to have to become a Nazi.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Same thing, dude. I was hot. I had to go back up to the lady and be like, dude, that was kind of weird you did that to me. I just want to let you know that was crazy. I'm not asking for preferential treatment in here, but I'm like, don't do that. That was nuts. And I was like, and you scanned me in. She's like, I don't remember that. It's like, that's not my fucking problem.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
The whites and the Mexicans ride together. Yes. So he could unite the factions. I mean, again, you know, people keep acting like that's genuinely a summer banger. It's like it's not a summer banger. Let's be real.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Do you think that's the summer? I mean, again, I'm not putting you in the hot seat.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I didn't know that was all quiet in the Western Front.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I could feel it. I mean, yeah, he could. He's got something else up his sleeve. Because that's obviously my thing is like... You know how it just came up right away on my... Yes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
That's the thing. What I'm saying is... It's pretty easy to find.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
My thing is if he dropped one that you can actually play somewhere, that would have been... I think kind of devastating. Obviously, you know, he got, he, he got his message. But I'm saying for more, I mean, I don't know why I'm even saying like he needs him. He needs to come out with a more broadly popular. I think he's over that. I think he's been there, done that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
You see the dudes in the wolf costumes? They're down, bro. I mean, for sure. Those guys are all about it. I know. It's crazy. That's a weird casting call. It's like, bros, let's go. Because his casting call was... Yeah. I think he said, man blacker than LeBron, minimum. Which is such a funny... I don't know if it was that exactly, but... Oh, that wasn't AI.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
So then we had a... Was this a white woman? Yeah. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Our Uber driver was just blasting Kanye. So he was, you know, he's not off him. I'm still listening to Kanye. Yeah, his songs are great, yeah. Yeah. His songs are great. They were, yeah, it was a nice little playlist he had going on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah. It was fun showing my wife. I was like, check this out. She just got to be like, what the fuck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
i was gonna say yeah man it was a wall yeah if you were confronting a black woman like this i would have been bro i would have said hats off i've been trained to the trenches i know that i pull no punches i know you're out the month i'll pull no i did that one time back in philly in an old apartment and the lady spazzed on me and stuff she spazzed on me and i was just fucking the last sam i was the one dude i was just kind of like you have no idea lady
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
So wait, is he a billionaire or not? He keeps saying he's a billionaire. Then I hear he just doesn't even have, he can't even have a bank account. That would be tough to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah, you can't do that. We've got to pass a law where you can't do that. You can't take everything from someone? Yeah, you can't just take their bank account. Yeah, that's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Nah. Well, she was... It looked like she was attacking. She was, like, doing a hard fail against Kayla Clark's teammate.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
And then Clark was, like, kind of broke in, like, get off her.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
It was a pretty... It's also, it's girls' basketball. Yeah. It was a hard fail.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
What are we doing here, guys? Y'all getting about girls' basketball? Guys, what are we even doing here right now? Let's go look at some trucks. Some big boy toys. We could look at big boy toys. We could be looking at big boy toys. We're bickering. But yeah, that's... I mean, it's kind of nice that... Were you guys excited at all to see Angela Reese beating up on... What's her name? Angel.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Oh, my bad. Angel Reese beating up on Kaitlyn Clark. Be honest. When you saw it, did that stoke any tribalism? No.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
You are the COO, dude. Chief Operations Officer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah, I saw that go. What else is going on? Is there any controversy? The sports world is quiet now. It was all Shadur Sanders.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Dude, I can absorb a black spaz like none other, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
No one in the room can talk WNBA other than Matt. Just me. Did you see the clip of Cameron and Mace talking about Paul Pierce's remarks about why NBA players tend to date white women? No, what was it? Dude, it was the first two and a half minutes. Mace was, I guess, remote, zooming in from an Airbnb. I forget the other guy's name. I don't know who he was. I believe he was a basketball player.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
they both have, well, they both have black wives. And so when they're asking about like, what do you think about that? They both laughed and neither of them would talk. And he's like, well... And they kept like, go ahead and take this. And then Cameron kept it real as hell. He goes, you motherfuckers are proving the point, dude. You got the pit boss leaning right over you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
But from the get-go, we get to the Austin airport. We're early. I say, hey, let's be a nice treat. I'll take Sean and Egan. Brought the Eganism with me. I was like, we'll take Sean and Egan up to the American Airlines little club lounge. Treat them. Two free guest passes. I'm like, what a great way to start the day. I go in early. I was there. I'm just kind of writing on my laptop. Sean texts me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
And Cameron started talking about how he loves using it to his advantage with white women. Like, you did hold my people down. Go get me a fucking sandwich, bitch. It was funny just watching them giggle for two minutes. They're the funniest dudes ever. They're unbelievable. They're unmatched. Yeah, we got to get them on the pod. They're so good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
But yeah, it was just Mace in the kitchen just kind of like, oh, it's pretty complicated. He goes, I can't talk right now. It was unbelievable. But that's a big thing that pops up. There's a lot of black dudes that are... They just go online and they're just like, this is why we date white. And they love just bashing queens, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
It was undeniably funny. Yeah, it was very fun. It was very fun to watch them just kind of dancing around in Airbnb just being like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
yeah you go ahead and take it now you go and he goes look man i'm i've been happily married i don't know about this but you know it's really funny but it is a hot issue man it sucks it my thing is like it sucks you can't like just to have like some you know smut like put towards your way for having a white wife that's you know that hurts my heart it's crazy you guys need to work on that
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I just sat on the steps and I was like, oh yeah, oh yeah. The realtor that I had worked for that lady.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Playing in the snow. Shannon Sharp fucking... Shannon the Sharp got fucking frostbite.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Goddamn, free all the black guys for getting some pussy for once.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
You can't hire a bunch of male prostitutes on a train ride to lick it all up at your party?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Did anyone even check if any of these were his birthday party? What if it was his birthday weekend?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Also, as a male prostitute, most of your day is like blowing gay guys. You get the call, you go, Jesus Christ, thank God. I've been swabbing the deck all day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
dang that what a battle in court just the most like harrowing sexual experiences just coming to light you go haha got her oh shit i remember that fuck just back and forth for the whole country stuff yeah it's a fucking nightmare it's genuinely a nightmare it could be why epstein killed himself
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Dude, that one clip of the egg shape, that was a brutal clip.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Egg-shaped dong was brutal. You know what? I'm done with this shit. We can talk about me being a child sex predator all you like. Don't talk about my egg-shaped penis. Leave my egg out of this. That's it. That's it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Hello, how are you? Hello, everybody. So, is people causing you some guff? Trying not to cry, bro. I got literally, Gardini witnessed it from the start of the weekend. And the shows were fun. I was in Ball Sacramento and LGBTaddle. Ball Sacramento. I was in Ball Sacramento and LGBTaddle. Those are two good ones. They were great. The show's phenomenal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I've had enough. You've put enough on my name today. You've crossed the line. Yeah, man. It's like... It's crazy. We're living under, like, a genuine surveillance state anymore. It's just, like, not saying you should have giant freak-offs and, you know, drug ladies, allegedly. But it's, like... Yeah. You know, you really can't let your hair down anymore, man. Keep it buttoned up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
We're living under a giant panopticon. You should be able to have fun. I mean... You should be able to fly under the radar. Let's say that now. Yeah. Although I always assumed that's kind of what every celebrity was doing when I was younger. I just imagine you're in a mansion full of naked women doing drugs. It's kind of what I thought when they're like, did you get this? It's like, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
You're not supposed to be in here. We're not supposed to have a giant hole in our basement floor. So what's happening? That was the best. When our dishwasher was moldy and I was like, yo, we have mold in our dishwasher. She came in and she was like, I think we might have different definitions of what moldy is. I was like, there's mold on the dishwasher. You're spraying bleach on it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
That was, that was like, they were saying this 15 years ago.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
It's gotta feel good. Just to be like, yep, wasn't there. Yes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
True. I'd be just a young sapling in the fucking redwoods. Yeah. Like, guys, I'm out of here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
What kind of party is this? That'd be so funny to have to go. You're the star witness. You're like, what happened? Be like, I went there and I just got jerked off by a guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I doubled back for my vibrating raccoon tail butt plug.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
That's crazy. Tony, they have, like, you need, like, IVs and shit. You need, like, IVs. Yeah, it's insane. Not eating. You're, like, laying there. The next morning, you're eating.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I don't know a single person who's ever... That's just movies where they're eating a turkey leg and having sex.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Usher's Bowl of Cherries? That's my favorite footage. Of Usher allegedly destroying marriages. Do you ever see those cherries? Yeah. Just... It's evil. Bro, but they're... Cherries is weird because when he holds them up, they look like a little boy's testicles. And there's just a 40-year-old lady like... Just swirling them around.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah, that's... It's kind of, you know... It's not really a responsible behavior. No. Dude, imagine seeing your babe. Did you see some of that footage? Dude, they're like eyes closed, like grunting. It's like, what the fuck, man? Like, I get it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
What are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? Did the Lump Man hook us up with a fridge? Yeah, Lump connected the fridge. That was nice. Yeah, that was pretty sick. But yeah, so then I get on the plane, and I've been doing a thing on the plane where I get on, and they're seating the whole plane, so I bust my tray out. Again, just getting some writing done, just working.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
That's why he uses the bowl of cherries. Yeah, allegedly, by the way. Allegedly. There's a guy who claims Usher gave him her piece through gay sex. What is going on with these fellas?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
He's just faded. I saw some of that, too, and he's just kind of... He's off the hill. Yeah, he's off the hill. He's just standing in his room kind of like with his hat like this, just kind of like rapping to himself kind of high.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I just think he's crunk right now. I mean, I'd be getting crunk if everyone was like, are you okay? And you're like, well, what? The whole Diddy thing? Get the fuck out of my face. I'm getting crunk right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah, nothing would crush my vibe. You go, what the fuck? I thought we were having a good time. You're at the club, just having a good time. Just the IG live.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
He does rule. I thought about it. I saw some thing trying to say, like, he lost all of his money and this and that. I'm like, dude, Biebs is a legend. He's killed it for so long. We support Biebs here. Full support of Biebers. We support the Biebs. Yeah, boy. But, yeah, I was a little sensitive in my hotel room. I was going, I saw that clip, like, he lost all of his money.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
And I was like, leave the man alone. I bet he didn't. Yeah, that's what I was saying. I'm like, dude, it's almost impossible.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah, he's all right then. Yeah, $200 million. They're like, he lost all of his money. Now he only has $200 million. It's like, it'll be all right. He's got enough to get crunk on IG Live. He's good. Yeah, if you have $200 million, you're going to get crunk on IG Live.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Does he... I don't know if this is true. Does he live in an underground cave in Hawaii?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I think he bought an island. Zuck might have a tunnel, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Look that up, because I did see some sort of diagram. I didn't watch it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
And then, I think this might have been on the second flight, but this guy, just this, like, you know, big gay guy from the sky kingdom of gay guys in the air. And he just, like... Who's he? The stewardess? Steward, yeah. Steward-o. The steward. Steward.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Tunnels. That would be sick, though, just arguing with your wife and just retiring to the bunker.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Just go like 40 fucking 400 feet underground. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
funniest fucking thing i've ever seen god that would ruin my day if i was jewish just like eating breakfast reading the newspaper and i just saw that a jewish guy got caught and it wasn't like it was like yeah and it had to be like the like capital j jewish guys with the fucking the dew I'd be like, dude, I'd call a meeting. I'd be like, guys, we got to hit the GOG and figure this out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
We got to hit the GOG. Everyone get to the tunnels to the GOG.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
We changed the title as well. The title must have been nuts. Do you know what the title was? I remember it. No. It was Charlottesville. And I had to change it. Charlottesville. I had to change it. I remember that. I forget what I changed it to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
damn i said a lot of crazy shit last night i didn't know they're gonna do this today exactly that's the fucked up nothing we could do about it we didn't know that's what happened to me when i was in grade school i wrote like oh yeah i copy and pasted some sort of rap lyrics about shooting someone the next day columbine happened i was like shit yeah goddamn reporting kicked off aol
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yes. And he... Dude, literally, I'm, like, completely absorbed.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I don't think the person can get in trouble for this, but I knew someone who had... Who found one of his teacher's AOL screen names and just anonymously for a year just... Bot like very viciously attack this guy online. Nobody. I was surprised his classmates knew and they didn't. Nobody snitched. He got pulled into the disciplinarians office. I was like right away. It was crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
He got like grilled and he was just like and through the the name was. Oh, my God. What was the name? Silver Thunder 6420 69.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah, it was a screen name. Silver Thunder, and it was just his screen name.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I think it was Silver Thunder. Remember that, like, malt liquor, Silver Thunder? No. It was just Silver Thunder 420. Just having that guy calling you Fs and Bs on the internet. And the dude would be like, who is this? What's up, F? What's up, B? What's up, B?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
somehow it got hotter dude he goes we're waiting on you i'm like what i snap out of working i'm like oh shit my bad dude and i like shut my laptop and i was just kind of like the fuck is going on today why is everyone shitting on me and then we land we get to ball sacramento we land and dude we're outside the hotel and this actually made me laugh but a lady comes up homeless lady walks by and goes move it or lose it i
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Did you have any teachers in high school that had zero control of the class?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah. Every now and again, you'd hit the jackpot in high school and your teacher would be like a totally autistic nerd. Like, we can do whatever we want here. We had one guy who was just, every time he turned around, like five kids would go, his name was Mr. Horn. Everyone would go, Horn! Knock it off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Oh, that's so fucking funny. The Ave Maria used to genuinely fuck me up when I was little. I'd be like, just being a monster in church, just checking out babes, just fucking around with my brothers, and they'd hit the Ave Maria, and I'd be like, God, this is so fucking beautiful.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
The Cantor. The Cantor would belt out. We had that. We literally had an organ lady who would crush cigs between...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah, that was sick, dude, when the toys, when you're like, we're finally leaving.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
And then the priest, it was like, people start leaving. I look at my mom, like, she'd be like, not until the priest goes by. And I'm like, fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I think I made that up. It's not the annex. I know what you're talking about, that little area outside.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I was like, what the fuck? And then she did start laughing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
What the hell was that called? I blank on that terminology all the time. I'm always kind of like... What the... The narthex.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
It's you guys rattling around. Yeah, you have to go shake his hand.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
You are a bad boy. We had a guy who was, when he wasn't doing masks, he would chill in the Narthex and catch the early defectors and be like, what's the rush? And you'd have to just walk by him like, shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
She could feel the... Yeah, she turned around and flashed just such a sweet smile. That's funny. And I was like, dang lady, that was kind of funny. And then there was an older lady in like a mobility chair. I was telling Sean, I was like, I might hit her with a move it or lose it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Shut the fuck up right now. I would see my brother go. He would come back and be like, can I go to the bathroom? He's like, you guys should have waited for me to come. I would be real quick. I would literally just walk around.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I would see the family standing because they didn't get a seat. I'd be like, that's so sick. I want to stand so bad. I wish I was standing in the back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
It'd be me and my brothers, and you'd get separated out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Oh, it sucked so bad. It was nice, though, when another one... I'd have another one of my brothers get picked off, and you'd somehow get back together. You'd be like, it's on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I would kneel down and go like this and just slap my balls against my leg the whole time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
For absolute sure. I used to get so bored that the priest, it would literally, my vision would go into black and white. I vividly remember staring and just going into black and white and just being like. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Drop the kneeler quietly. Yeah, Catholic Church fucking ruled, bro. Put it down with your hand, you fucking jackass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
It was... In a 24-hour period, I've never sustained just not – it was nonstop disrespect. I can't think of – I don't know if there's anything else.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
First Friday mass, just belting out with your boys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yeah, some people are like, let's do middle fingers in the picture. I'm like, can we not, man? I know. Middle fingers. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
He's like, You know, he texts me, like, hey, we're outside. I'm like, okay, Sean's outside.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
They're just kind of, like, milling around by that front desk. And I'll be honest, I was, like, tightening a paragraph. So they were there for, like, maybe, like, how long were you guys there for? Like, a minute? Yeah, they were there for a second. I wasn't trying to be a jerk. I was just locked in. Sorry about that. Dopamine stack locked in. So... I go out to let them in.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I do have a... Really do. Yeah, it was crazy, man. That was pretty much it. The weekend was sick otherwise. The weekend was great. It was just nonstop mounting disrespect, just one after the other.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
not the last lady the last lady had it was older lady with braces very sweet but all the stewards were just that's hot yeah i know was she hot in her own way yeah yeah i would say um she was she was kind of a she's a darling very nice too i even i was so just just so beaten down from the weekend i'm like doing my work before i was at plane loads and i like looked up at her one point i was like just let me know when you want me to close this i don't know exactly what i'm supposed to do you're fine sweetie so
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
She'd go, Jesus Christ, can you turn the other way? The sun's bouncing off those things and blinding me. Put on your rubber bands and shut the hell up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I told you about my dad. They tried to get him to get braces, and he was just like hell to the gnaw.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Good Lord. He couldn't even drive and not drive a pickup truck. He had a little Ford Fiesta.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
nine million dollar truck he wants to buy it's his absolute achilles heel yeah he yearns for like doramax the most gigantic trucks imaginable it's crazy big trucks it's like a little fucking boy he is he loves a big truck he loves big big boy toys
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
He was, I had rented, what the hell did I have? I had some sort of wagon here, I think, when I was in Philly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
I'm like, Hey, these guys with me, I believe I have two free guest passes. And the lady goes, yeah, if you're a member at this lounge and I go, okay, no big deal. I go, but I am. And I, you know, I coming out of it, I scanned in, she didn't scan in with me. I'm like, and then the lady I scanned in with,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
You've got to set up a trust for your fats. What do you mean? You got to set up a trust. What are they going to do when you're gone?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
It's a bit of a splurge. I'm more of a civic man myself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Everyone's been saying the Celtics were the best, and, you know, I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
Yep. I think I've been hearing their, you know, they could win it all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
You know, I mean, yeah, I think about the Knicks a lot. I think the Knicks, that upset was huge.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 560 - Big Boy Toys
comes up and goes who'd you scan in with and i was like whoever was sitting where you are i think you yeah she's like i don't remember that and i'm like what do you guys think i'm lying like i can assure you i didn't sneak in here we didn't say that i'm like you kind of did and i was like anyway here's my thing but i definitely know i was like i even i beeped in and you went do you need help with anything else
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah. Ethiopia... They all had great music in the 70s. Ethiopia held it down. Held down the battle. Even when the WAPs came a-knocking recently. Really?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Now white haircuts are just either guys with those mustaches or go to the hair cuttery at Walmart. Yeah. Now we're talking a cut.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Ethiopian and Somalian are very distinct.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
7-Eleven by our old house. Yeah. Ethiopian fellas. Great Ethiopians.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That was an Ethiopian guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I was like, bro, I've been to that 7-Eleven.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It was cool. Damn, have you ever met the black guy that opens the door? He's the man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
The Ethiopians were great. They were good. Ethiopians are also beautiful ladies.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, they would have done you better than the monkeys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
But they were getting... The clientele seemed to have the biggest attitude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I ran into the clientele a lot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, I will say American... Just drunk college kids and the locals. Yeah. I've witnessed... The locals and the drunk college kids. Everyone was disrespecting the... A lot of Mr. Disrespectfuls.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
To me, like I was next in line and they kept going like. Successful lottery ticket?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It was just taking, I think there was a language barrier a little.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It was getting the opportunity. Yeah. I think it was redeeming tickets. I think the guy was maybe going too slow for the customers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He wants his money and he wants it now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, scratch-offs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
This thing's going to pay out fucking crazy if they win. It's a nice gift. That'd be, yeah, putting on like parlays for your... Yeah, I put together a nice parlay for you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It might hit next year. We'll see. That's going to be cool. 50 bucks on it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Do you know the Eurovision... You owe me... There's going to be... There's a big... Do you know what the Eurovision Song Contest is?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
How would you pick?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
What show is this? Eurovision Song Contest. We should be doing that in America. We should go state by state. They tried it once. They tried it once.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
We've got to bring it back. We should do state by state everything. We should do a state fighting contest.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, this was one of Trump's first day playing. The America Olympics? Yeah, he's like, we're going to have football. He's like, every state. Remember he was talking about having an American fair? What, like state of origin? He was bringing that back, and he was like, in that, we're going to have the American Games.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
We do that in Australia. It should be Steelers and Eagles. No, no. High school. Oh. It'd be like all-star teams from each state. It'd be the sickest thing ever, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
California, Texas versus Rhode Island and Connecticut. They're going to get the Ocon man out there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Why are they covering up all these beautiful architectures with just bricks and shit?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I want to ask him. No, I don't. I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, you should get a mullet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You lost me on the pitch. I did lose you on the pitch when I said the coach was fat. He was like, the coach is just a big, fat, ugly fucker. I didn't say that. And he was like, I want you to play him. I was like, oh, all right, you piece of shit. I'm not reading that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Because this is big.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Now keep going because I like what happens in Japan.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Wimbledog runs into a PR disaster.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Oh, man. Well, James, the special's doing great. You got to feel good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I didn't know it was about child. I didn't know the child porn happened. You shut it down. You shut it down. Okay, good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Well, what happens to him with Wimbledog?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
And you're funny. You're the Medici family.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You're saying, I need more art.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
So I'll do another one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Damn, you guys are overlapping a little.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It was football, soccer, probably a couple basketball ones.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Air Bud went to space?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Hold on. What's the...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I was devastated with the raw milk. Well, that was the conversation we had because he was like, I think it was the raw milk. And I was like, I don't know, I just got raw milk. Matt gave me raw milk and it was great. It was the most delicious milk. I sucked Matt's raw milk down and it felt great. But then he was like, no, I had like seven glasses. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Is it? I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I loved the fuck out of that movie. It got me every time. It got me every time. I know. Shadow fell. I didn't see it coming every single time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Are you sure you're not thinking of Milo and Otis? Oh, yeah. Milo and Otis.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That was the Korean or Japanese. Milo and Otis used to be my go-to. They killed a bunch of dogs to make Milo and Otis? It was a puppy, pug, and a kitten. You'd have to... And at one point they fight a bear. And apparently they were just tossing those things. There was no need to do that. For real? Yeah, they filmed it for real and they finally got it. I think the bear finally got full from pugs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
They also do that in... Did they really? In Milo Notice and they lost a couple cats in the river. Used to be able to kill animals in movies.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Apocalypse Now is nuts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Big knives. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
didn't know it was a japanese movie it is i didn't know that either uh i've heard uh what's his name lewis talked about this it was very funny yeah lewis gomez was the first person i heard break this story uh yeah yeah they were tossing some dogs and they'd have to get a new replacement pug every time pugs luckily look pretty similar
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
The regular milk will fucking do that too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Tommy Pope had a pug, and it makes me laugh. It was huge. He showed me a picture of it. It was, like, a fucking 10-foot-long pug. It was laying flat on the porch with its arms and legs out. What the fuck? This is the biggest pug I've ever seen. He was like, oh, that's Bufferini Marie. His pug's name was Bufferini Marie. Was it a wiener dog mixed with a pug? No, it was just straight pug.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It was just a big one. What? I just love that it had a WAP name, Bufferini Marie. Think of it, Tommy Pope with a pug. Bufferini Marie. Bufferini.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It is so good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Alright, hey, we're here live today and our guest today is Simple Jack.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You had some guys hitting dogs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I've witnessed Phil punched. He fucking punched dogs. He punched them in the head. That dog was being bad. He hit Riggins. He popped Riggins. That was recently.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Good for him, though. Just keep going back. Right. True.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Phil installed a giant chain link fence in our basement. And we'd put Shaq in there and he would fucking break out. He would rip through the fence. He'll chew out. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He said it would stand on the roof.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I focus almost entirely on the green flags.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Don't need no help there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Sorry, better help you kick rocks. I can see tits for a mile away.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
So wait, that helps suggesting that I squeeze my own tits while I jack off?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
BetterHelp. They keep coming back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I'll tell you what, man. I was goofing off and making fun of Vaya. They've won me over.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, let's just get fucking high as shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Now you're being funny and I'm back, Vaya.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I know you're going back. This is not enough for me to stay away from. I know you're going to go back to the beef bourguignon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Blue was my favorite. Blue was great. Blue ripping the woodman's food right out of his hand was the craziest thing I've ever seen. We were just.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
i know we've talked about it a bunch of times over here but whose dog was that was that tom tom yeah dog r.i.p as well the dog was awesome he was so yeah he literally just walked like say we're sitting here yeah our friend chris wood was sitting down eating like a tortilla he just he would get a bowl of meat and put in a tortilla and just sit there and yeah a dog slowly walked up to him and just went
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
the entire fucking thing out of his hand and then just walked away like it wasn't like it fucking grabbed it it literally just slowly walked up to him i've never seen anything like it It reminds me of O'Connor. We were just in Seattle. O'Connor, when we were in Vancouver once, he got so fucked up. The next day, he's hungover, and I forget what he got. He might have got a donut.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
The seagulls are fucking huge out there. O'Connor was standing there, and a bird just took it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I had a fry once where that happened. Just think of O'Connor being like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Is anyone going to do anything about these fucking birds?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, me and him went out one night in Philly. I never told you this? No. And he got fucking hammered. He got shit-faced at dinner. And he got beef bourguignon. And then we got back to my apartment and he was fucking puking. He was like, Shine, don't follow me. I asked him not to record. He was like, don't record this. And I was like, I'm not.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That's a classic battle. That is a battle they've been battling for centuries. But he was up here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I mean, we've all had that thought.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I like this bird talk.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You know what's funny? The time we went to see Scorpion King, me and my buddy had a creature storm at the beach. Did you really? Yeah, we did it with a bag of Doritos. Dude, how sick is it? It was great. It's the fucking best. Yeah, what are the odds?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
And you are ruining everyone's day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Now you control the storm. You control it, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You just run straight at them. Oh, right at them. I like watching the little guys that run with the tide. That's fun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I just like to observe those guys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I swear to God, like, there's something that happens where they just, the whole coop will just kill itself. Really? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, they just start killing each other. What?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
What is the message there? This is mutual destruction.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Speaking of, O'Connor got me that painting there. And that's a nice Irish brigade at Antietam. Turns out the guy looks exactly like Tony Hinchcliffe. No, I was going to say he looks like... He kind of got ruined for me. You guys were like, he looks like Tony. You got a painting of Tony?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
But the beef burger, in between, he vomits so loud. That is a problem that I do have. Then he goes, too much beef burger noise.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, I think he died right there. Did he really? Yeah. At Antietam. I could be wrong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
The Irish people would go. They came to America to learn how to fight so they could bring it back. What? To England, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
And he was apparently a monster. That's pretty tight. Read about him. They're like, he was the best soldier ever. Really? He was just fearless. And then, you know, got the best of him when he was like, I'll stand right in front of everyone. Yeah. He got shot like 20 times. Oh, no. He was a horse, so he was like, I don't care. Come on, boys. Yeah. You can see it there. He's got some wounds.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, he's saying, fuck you, pussies.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
No, that was... World War II. That was Barcelona. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. He's got a rest stop. Does he really? Yeah, in Jersey. That's awesome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
No, the movie.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He did. We have one of those. We have the Killdozer. I heard about the Killdozer. It's the same thing. He was like, you guys are going to take my land, and then he went into the warehouse and spent three years building a tank.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
No, I've only seen the documentary.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
They had to bring in like a sniper, like a .50 caliber sniper to try to get some bullets in there. It was pretty great. Did he kill people? No, he was just driving through all his enemies' houses.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I think he got no fatalities. That's crazy. It was a bulldozer, so it was going slow as fuck, but no one could stop it. So he would go through someone's house and then be like, all right, I'm headed down to the fucking town hall. Everyone just had to be like a fucking asshole.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
They killed a bunch of kids. Oh, that's bad. There was a daycare there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I try so hard to be silent. Yeah, at the very end of it, you can hear a little Australian.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, that was recently.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
In an RV and he had speakers. And he was playing music and he was like, everybody get out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
What was his beef with AT&T? I think it was NSA. Oh. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, if I was a little schizophrenic, and they're like, there's a terrifying tower there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I've been taking it easy on the drinking all of a sudden. I'm like, I remember books. I love the Fountainhead. Fountainhead fucking rules.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, it's one of the best.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's crazy. It's such a great book. That's crazy. I did not get that out of it. Really? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah. Yeah, it was her first big, big hit. I like it more than Atlas Shrugged.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, she hated communism.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I've never really taken a look at young Ayn Rand.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Bro, I'm Tony. She's one of the ugliest women I've ever seen. You're far right, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
A couple of vodkas, potatoes. True. A couple of Ayn Rand's kicking around. You dig them up out of the dirt. You get this shit. Dig an eye out. You go, this is a tuna. Oh, fuck. It's a turnip. You go, never mind. It's an Ayn Rand. It's an Ayn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That's kind of all I ever read was like classics.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I was just putting it out there, you know. That's crazy. Show people a little something crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Norm's book, I got tricked by it. I read it way too long before I realized it was a joke.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Way too long. I was on like chapter three.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
No, but I was like, yeah, I was ashamed at how long it took.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
A lot of Adam Egan in there. It's great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He's walking shirtless back to the bathroom. That's a bourguignon shuffle. That's a bourguignon shuffle. Like, leave me alone. Stop. You don't have to lock it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's just the perfect sentence.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I believe you, Nate. You are very, very horny. I think you like playing as a girl.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
No. We were just playing UFC. You wanted to pick fucking female fighters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I never read it. It's good. I think it bothered me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I don't even know what it's about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's hell let loose. Yeah. And it was amazing. I can order Chipotle. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I'm so envious that you have that. If I read a footnote, I'm like, I'm done with it. I got to read this sentence four times. I still can't understand it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah. In high school, yeah. I just finished it. I love it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Brother. And it never did. We've talked about this. I read the entire book and somehow missed in the beginning that his dick didn't work. There's nothing. I was furious. At the end when they're in the car and they're like, oh, we could have been something. I love you so much. You're just like, why not? Fuck. What happened? You dumbass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, he got his dick injured in World War I. His dick gets injured in the war. Yeah, I missed that part. And this is what I love.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I just read the other one. Farewell to Arms. Is it good?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
No, it's great. Especially the first, the beginning when it's about before he gets hurt. It's great. The war scenes. It's awesome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I'll leave you alone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I mean, that's terrible advice. That was good. That's insane. I love it. It's awesome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
An all boys school teacher being like, all right, enough of that lesson. Women suck. You guys are about to find out. You got to learn how to fucking cry.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He does. We'll tag him up a little. We'll fucking end with a, touch me, cunt. Yeah, I went to Hemingway's house too. It's pretty sick. And when I was in Spain, I went on a nice Hemingway bar crawl. Now, have you been to the bullfighting? I didn't go to the bullfighting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I don't think I would like it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah. And he just has to watch the love of his life just keep... Fuck other men and ruin them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Brett. Isn't that her name?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
We had wine and we went fishing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I don't know. I don't think it ever really described... I imagine it like it was missing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
They don't go into detail, but there were scars. I think he lays down with a lady at one point.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Let's take this cum talk into the Patreon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
All right, nice. See you there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I think it went, like, winos.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
When you read, like, Bukowski's, like, I'm fucking in Skid Row with all the winos.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You guys are just drinking wine?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Franzia made it to me. You fucking get a box of that shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
We might have a conclave at some point. Pope John Paul? No. Frankie. Francis. Oh, Pope Francis. He had bronchitis, they said, so he couldn't even talk. He was just up there like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
His fucking neck fat is... I mean, I'm not one to judge on that category, but goddamn. Yeah, he'd be getting the bargain. He's like... His neck fat is like... Like the dude from Mad Max? It's truly impressive.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I'm not making fun of him, but they did him dirty with this...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Washington Post was doing him dirty on this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He was the first guy to come out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You were like, that's where I want to go.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Beef bourguignon. You got the bourguignon going.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
No, is it any good?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Amelia Perez. I watched it. How was it? It's fucking terrible. It's one of the worst pieces of shit I've ever seen. It's about a Mexican trans? It's about a cartel leader that transitions. Nice. They quit the cartel and the way they're hiding is transitioning. But instantly the character becomes like a sympathetic character.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's like, yeah, they were just beheading everyone. It's like, oh, they trans. You're like, oh, I love them. And it's a fucking musical. With not really good singing. It sounds great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
And then comes back. They think the family thing... Then he misses Doubtfire's the family. Nice. It truly does. He comes back to his family and he's like, it's me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Which was clearly him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
No. We had that conversation. For real. While we were watching it, it was like, damn, this is what it must have been like. A little girl is holding, or he's holding a little girl as a woman now. And the little girl's like, I just miss my dad so much. I miss the way he smelled. I loved him. And Mrs. Doubtfire's like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Did Bruce go the whole way? Pardon me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Bless you. Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah. I don't think so. If they did not, you're exactly right. This is the ultimate. Yeah. It's the best move possible. You have tits. Just get some fucking jugs. Hold up. Sex change and all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You're making me sick right now Why? Why are you talking about other people's genitals? They didn't push it on you I don't know if you've been to a public library That's all it is You probably still get that prostate going
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Where's it go? You go, oh, beef, bacon, y'all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Can they still hit the prostate on a... Right?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Mine might not break the surface. I've got a deep belly button and a tiny dome. That'd be perfect.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I might be able to hide it. You'd be on search. This would be my little secret. A little door in my shirt.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
What are you doing? A little door. I go, ooh. Indian in the cupboard.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Oh, I guess maybe they're, yeah, because Indians.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
The barbershop? It's a white thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
everyone's last samurai all the Europeans that came here just kept losing yeah for 400 years yeah everyone's just like I'm going I'm gonna fucking get it this time I think the Ethiopians were the only ones nope one of us brother yeah the Ethiopians did it the Ethiopians survived they kept trying to take the Ethiopians they held on did they really and the Siamese managed to hold on
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Damn, would you get in trouble if you smacked your wife's cheeks? Oh, it was on her.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Really? Yeah. Oh, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So you're dancing around the campfire to the violin music, and you're grabbing your wife's tush, and the entire village just turns on you and shreds you. They rip you apart. They would just be kind of like very, very lowbrow. You guys should be just there. Keep an eye on his crops.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
If that's what he's getting up to around here, who knows what's going on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What are you doing, Matt? Don't get me high and do this conversationally.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You're spitting me out because I recently, I got into like a high tailspin about not knowing anything about math. Welcome to my world. I don't know. Really? Now I'm fixated on learning something about it. I think I'm going to start with geometry. I started with an introduction to geometry video on YouTube.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It was a shaky start. Really?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm not looking for algebra. You're good at algebra.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I started this geometry video and I figured, here's what I was thinking. I'm going to click on this. They're going to go, Hey, welcome back to learning math as an adult. Yeah. I thought they were going to give me like maybe circle and square. They're going to go, all right, you know, circle and square. Let's start with like maybe the Pentagon, maybe trapezoid, maybe that kind of shape, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They started with lines. I was like, Oh, I forgot all about lines. I forgot all about not shapes at all. I forgot about rays and segments.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And so, yeah, I'm really worried I'm going to fail this YouTube and math test.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm going to cram the night before. Stay up all night. What's the test? I haven't found the test yet. I have to take some sort of metric. Yeah, you got to take the test. I told Mary Jo about it, so she'll hold me to it. She's going to make sure I get math.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
How long would you get grounded if you were to say something like, I don't know, ain't this about a bitch?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Really? Yeah. Why? I thought you were the math guy, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's the whole summer indoors.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think it's real. I don't know. I think the universe is just doing its thing, and we're putting graph paper on it and tracing it, and we look like fucking idiots.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But is the universe structured around that or is it something that we use because it's as close to as accurate as possible? to contextualize the universe around us. This is where quantum physics is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Not that it makes a fucking difference for me, man. I don't even know what I'm saying.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm indifferent to it. I'd be okay with it, I guess. You want to randomly create a universe? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I would love a loving creator. That's great. So you can't be indifferent. But even he could have like, this could be a Minecraft world for him where it's just like a different seed generator. You know what I mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's the fun of the story. We probably were never supposed to worry about it. He's probably just like, why are they fucking monkeying around in the server room? Just fucking eat apples, dude. There's apples on trees.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Why are you doing that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Is that a desirable outcome?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm still eating English muffins with butter and jelly and being very happy about it. That is nice. Careful, though. What's your guys' AC1? Do you have diabetes?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Honestly, I don't even believe in diabetes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I guess it leads to like every it fucking destroys you. I guess I just feel like if you're a person that gets diabetes, then it's like you're already fucking everything else up anyway.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. You know?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Right. The arbitrary constraints that create great art, you know?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's why we need European soda and candy. That's what we need. They're not getting diabetes like we are. That's true. They're ruining our snacks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Oh, yeah. You're a big junk food guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I like it. I need to be controlled. I need my portions picked for me. 38% of people are pre-diabetic.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
How much cereal at night were you eating? Not a lot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Oh, yeah. CEO. Do you think it was him? I guess it was him, right?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't know. I'm worried about the eyebrows in the surveillance photo and the mugshot. I did see that. I don't know if those match up. That's why I'm holding off on having any kind of emotional reaction to it because I want to know if this is the real guy or not. If it's really him and they caught him, that's an interesting outcome. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
if the whole story is straight and they didn't make up a manifesto and plan it on them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He only disappeared for a few months after getting into psychedelics, I guess. I'm basing this all just, like, tweets about him. For sure. That's all any of us have.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Oh, I saw that too. Did you see that? I saw that. It looks like it's written by a lady.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I thought that was like a Tristan Tate tweet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Every time I like, I always shrug that stuff off. That's crazy because that might be the moments where I feel most respected.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Tristan Tate would tell you you're a fool right in your face. You're a fucking fool, dude. He's got a lot of money. I defer to you, man. You've got definitely something figured out. I don't know. He might go to jail for sex trafficking. That's the game you play, though. Trill. You got to put your money down if you want to get in. Yeah, either get a wife or sex traffic. That's the move.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What percentage of consensual sex do you think is trick?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He paints a big tunnel on the wall and she runs into it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I was a bus safety. I think I was a bus safety. Sidney was tactically running with both arms behind his back. How big was your school bag at the time? Naruto blasted through it. You're a giant school bag kid running off the back of the bus. Damn. Isn't that like the opening scene of a Goofy movie? Isn't that what the son does? Does he skateboard off the back of a school bus?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's your property, sir. I think they made some progress on that during the interview.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's the universe. I've been seeing a healthy number of like, am I the asshole on Reddit? Or it's like, I accused my husband of sexual assault because he took me when I was blacked out or something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, not at all. You don't like their behavior?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's ridiculous. You know what really sets me off is if I'm banging into something really loud, like I'll hit my head on a ceiling fan or something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I have some low ceiling fans. That was a bad example. But I'll bonk, right? And then I get a really sick feeling in my stomach because I know she's going to, without coming to me, she's going to go, are you okay? And that makes me madder than anything else in my marriage. And so now the joke around the house is if I stub my toe or something, everyone takes a deep breath and goes, I'm fucking fine!
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's the worst. Are you okay? Shut the fuck up. My shit is throbbing right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I have very poor vision, an enormous head, and slightly above average height. It's a recipe for disaster.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Am I okay? Yeah, I'm okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I don't know if I ever used Neosporin before my wife started healing me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Hey, it's good to see you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
The Goofy Goon Squad? I don't like those guys. They make you uncomfortable. They make me slightly uncomfortable. Goofy's, he's too about the bullshit. He's all about the bullshit. You're too structured.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Please, how do you play? Because I'm looking forward to the Pygmus spectacular.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He's going to let some fucking white boy fuck up his Christmas.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You can't handle Goofy. I can't handle Goofy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, Chiefs-Steelers. I'm excited about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You know what, Matt? I don't know. I was going to say that. That was going to be my pick as well.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But it is Christmas. The boy might have to put on a show for us.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Although they haven't been able to protect him very well, and hopefully a healthy T.J. Watt gets home. I'm going to go less. You're going to go less? Patrick Mahomes passing yards. How about – 239. Do they have – what's his name's – Travis Kelsey's numbers?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Less on my homes. I don't know. I'm going to have to see what the number is because I couldn't even guess. I would imagine Christmas and T.D. Swift's going to be there and he's going to want to put it, you know, he's going to put it on a show for his baby.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
so yeah I think that's a good I do value this conversation I think it's a good idea and you can combine up to six points shut up dude you can combine up to six picks dude this is the thing I really wanted to sit you down and talk to you about we're taking apart the podium when I'm getting back it'll never die dude it'll just move and go I'll get in there you gotta get the headset on dude dude
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And they're just giving everyone $50. Yeah, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What episode is this going in?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Little stony dads?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. So, yeah, we're going to toss it in. We can probably just keep it rolling.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
What are you doing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Oh, yeah, you just got your glands sucked.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I got my... But is it a guy or a girl?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You wouldn't care if it was a guy?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's good. Ren and Stimpy, I think, is spaz energy that you don't need. I didn't do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And then I pop up and I'm like, you threw a thousand in an hour and an hour. Can you rip a thousand in an hour?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Your parents were like, this is too white, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's better if you're not prepared. It's significantly better if you end up getting like 48 push-ups in an hour.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It is very funny. So you're thinking like a Ben Shapiro owning kids. No, it's you doing pushups.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You're going to want to find some topics. Yeah. You think so? Cause if it's just fucking Q and a, they're going to be like, how do you come up with your material? Although that's funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
coming back dude there's there's some babies dude i'm coming back the babies are falling i think the babies are falling off yeah the babies there's still there's a couple babies i got on twitter and a guy who's he was being a baby don't go on x dude i was i i get depressed every time i go on like instantly instant depression every time i go on yeah it's i go on x and i've been trying to find out about the drones and there's nothing you can't find out anything
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I watched a bunch of Muslims guys stone a guy to death.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't like that. I don't like that. Babes have found their way back into my algorithm. I don't know what happened. Babes are back? Babes are back on the menu, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You know what I mean? Sometimes there's things that can do that. You know, true. This is true. Nobody can work my spot like a fucking Indian guy on the internet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Speaking of dizzying aromas, I got I got it's easy to be, you know, xenophobic when you get in an Uber and it smells. Yeah, but I can fight through that. I'm like, all right, whatever. It smells weird. That's fine. I got a fat Uber. The stink, dude. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's just a fat one. Did they complain or were they silent? No. I was so close to complaining. It was a battle of fats complaining. I got in the backseat just... I didn't say anything, but I was close to putting the window down, which would have been, I feel like, too mean. Yeah. 20 degrees outside.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That was probably the most powerful I felt as a child. When they were doing extreme Ren and Stimpy close-up, I was like, I'm tapped into the source. I know what's up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
A fat complaining spaz. They are quick to hit the complain button.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. And then driving, driving Uber is tough. And then, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. So you're just kind of, but anyway, God smelled the fat smell destroys American fat smell. We got to stop complaining about Indian smelling.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They have nothing on our American fats.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Oh, so bad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. Anyway, what else is going on?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
How'd it go?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And I was like, hold up, bro. What the fuck? It's my Peñas.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
The truth is out there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't want to protest close-ups. I want everyone to look very shiny. My mom's going to get furious if she sees that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Wow, what did Lemaire do?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Is it on air? Is it on YouTube, I mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
for like you know that is like you're on that show which is dudes it's just guys getting like just beaten down yeah it kind of wears on that guy got fucking queer on yeah dude he got he fully got queer i don't kill tony you'd look so much better like this
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, turn on Hang of Mr. Cooper now. Oh, man. I think my entire highlight reel of like childhood joy was just like a veiny face with bulging eyeballs and like a sound effect. I was like, that's all that ran through my head, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But Lemesie was holding it down. He did good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Good. Yeah, it's pretty sick. He better hurry up because he's got to move out and not get home.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it's coming. It's coming soon. I got to do a bar crawl. Billy Brook is like, what did you say?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Bar crawl is going to be sick. I'm a little jealous.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm here by myself in this haunted fucking house. You're by here lonesome. Yeah, my lady went home for a couple of days. I'm just here in this fucking spooky ass house, dude. Yikes. I'm afraid the entire time I'm here. Yeah, dude, I was scared the whole time. I'm so scared the entire time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I was fucked up until you're like, it's an old house. I look outside. There's the front porch is right here. So you can just walk. Somebody walks. I think I see people the entire time. I'm looking out my window. Dude, you might have a six cents. The only cure is brewskis. I know. The only cure is a couple brewskis. I'm like, fucking ghosts aren't real. Fuck ghosts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's so scary.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
By itself, it gets very spooky.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm going to call Blizz. I'm going to have Blizz sleep over again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He's like... He doesn't even wake up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
and the laundry the laundry's in the basement in the fucking dude forget it original basement it's so scary just forget it dude i don't have a basement in my house now is they don't have a lot of i guess in austin they don't dig down for basically i don't have basements
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I took a shower last night. I was terrified the entire time. Thought I heard stuff like six different times. Thought I heard something. Dude, I'll just be sitting here playing Xbox and pause the game and go. All right. Go back to playing. I got to get back to Austin. I'm ready.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's fine with me. Yeah, I'm excited. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
At the driving range with Gerbys and O'Connor today.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Had some golf balls. It was nice. That is nice. Gerbys is a golfer. It's very fun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, he's good. He is bagger man. He was helping Chris. Was he really? Yeah, Chris is just naturally good at it. Chris is dumbass and like TJ Maxx and bought like a golf outfit to go to the driving range.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He's wearing a fucking glove.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He bought a golf glove. He's got glove money now, dude. It's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Season two money came in.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Glove, pops collar, fucking fleece. I was wearing this. I was wearing an Eagles hoodie and sweatpants.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it's not hard. It's not hard to get him in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And Durbin's fucking country clubs right across from like a horse... like an equestrian fucking thing. So there's horses outside and it was very white. It was a very white thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. Watching Kirby's be actually good at golf. Piss me off, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Move, peasant. I like to make fun of those country clubs, the poor country club. He's like, do you want to go to my course or the other course? I'm like, I would never go to your course, dude. It's for poor people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
it's so yeah but it's so funny to tell someone they belong to a poor country club so bad it's like oh that one has kind of a poor country club yeah it's a poor people country club he's like it's the only one that let jews in for a while oh that's so that's great yeah it's yeah man well fuck yeah dude Yeah, I'm excited. I'm truly excited to get back down there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Like, we finished... Yesterday was the first day without doing tires. And it was like... Killed. Yeah, I just woke up. I jacked off. My girlfriend wasn't here. Just jacked off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I haven't been able to treat myself in so long. I'm so fucking sick, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That'll be awesome. I'm excited.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We have a good squad going.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Okay, sick. I might already be over there. Sick. Yeah, I'm excited about it. I can't wait. Notre Dame better not fucking lose to Indiana, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It is going to be really cool. And then the problem is if they win, that means, I mean, I got to go to the Sugar Bowl, dude. You'd have to. If they win, I got to head down to New Orleans to watch them take on the Bulldogs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Georgia Bulldogs? Yeah. If they win, you might be good luck. You might be spending New Year's Day in NOLA.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You pieces of shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I'm super excited to get back to work with you in a professional manner.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, put out – well, I don't know. Second edition.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Back then might not be – they might not hold up. True, true, true, true, true. No, I'm glad to hear Lemaire's doing well. Gardini's in a diaper. Nate's doing well. Yep. Everybody's doing good. Yeah, Gardini's – his hiney's messed up, but I think he'll get through it, so. It's good he took care of it. I would have ignored whatever that problem was. Dude. He got a cyst on his ass?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Lemaire's burst into fucking urgent care, and he said it smelled.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
All right, bro. I'll see you, bro. Thank you, PrizePix. PrizePix, thank you. Later, bro. Goodbye. Let's get back to stoner dance.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, he was wrong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Fuck. Damn. I wonder if the hot shooter was trying ice, and that's why his back wasn't getting better. He was slowing down his platelets and had to shoot a guy about it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You think he was also wheeling against traffic the whole way?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Giant speaker in the basket.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's cool knowledge. What do you need? You probably need, like, a Flipper Zero or something for that. I want a Flipper Zero so bad. What is that? It's, like, a little hacking device. You want a Flipper Zero?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Oh, man, it's a little, like, hacking device, and it, like, it can connect to, like, Bluetooth and, like, Wi-Fi and, like, a bunch of other, like, near-field protocols and shit, and you can, like, reprogram. You can, like, take a hotel key and, like, duplicate it. What? Is that how people break into cars?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It has a physical key thing where you lay a physical key over it and then you can match up the notches on the little interface on the device and then take that and get a key printed to replicate. Yeah, dude, I want to commit some felonies. That'd be cool. I want to do some high-level crimes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, that would be great. Number one, traveling with your boys. Be so tight. And really fucking with them. It's petty theft. Yeah, dude, you could go crazy. Oh, my God. Imagine pulling off a kidnapping prank on your boy in a hotel. That would be so sick. Or just an ultimate scare prank. Would you go supernatural? Jump on him. In bed, while they're asleep. I'll jump on him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Jump on your friends screaming at the top of his lungs in pitch black.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, I think bums used to, like, World War Z people and just throw their bodies at an obstacle.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's probably in your book. A bum Russian. It started in the 1920s.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think that was all travel. It was just, like, eventually you were outside of anyone paying attention and you had to worry about the highwaymen. Exactly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. What about what about the subway choking guy? What do you think of that case? The subway choking guy got.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, that's the best verbiage, brother. I mean, bold words as the movie theater industry dies around. Yeah, we need to do something about it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think he got on the train. He said, I'm ready. Everyone's been on the public transportation with a guy that says, I'm ready to die today. And I think he made the threats to everybody. He identified himself as an immediate threat. Damn. And then the Giga Chad jumped on his back and held him. I don't know if he ever actually choked him out. I think he just held him there for a long time. What?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I mean, right after it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Well, depending on who you ask on Twitter, it was either a combination of drugs and hard living, or it was the guy strangleholding him for six minutes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He had the rear naked choke. Not fully sunk. Dude, here's my thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, some of them go that way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Did you see the detail that when, I guess, the cops or the EMTs got there, he was still alive, but they didn't want to do CPR because he was yucky. What? Yeah. Yeah, the EMT showed up and got the ick, and they were kind of just like, you know. Hang out here. Let's just bang on his chest a little bit. My thing is all right. Wake up. Come on, man. Wake up. Come on. It's okay. You're okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You're okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think it was like, I need resources and I'm ready to kill and die for them, essentially. I'm paraphrasing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It was like, I'm starving and I need money and I'll do anything for it and I'm ready to die and I'm ready to kill or something like that. Okay. That was his terms.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You're saying he was stopping Asian hate and he's a hero.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I am willing to die over resources. You know what's going to be crazy, though, is that he's going to get a, like, influencer boxing offer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
He's going to get, like, $10 million to box, like, a canceled, like, kick streamer. You think so? Like PewDiePie or something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Luigi. That's the most suspicious. There's no way there's a guy, a 30-year-old guy named Luigi.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You don't think?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I think he was probably responsible for or again, I'm just reading tweets. I think he was responsible for like an automated claim denial system that really started racking up the screws to people. Yeah, that's terrible. And then there was also I think I don't I don't sympathize.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You're going to be forcing people in the corner offices, and they're going to be, like, grabbing onto the walls. No one's going to want to be a CEO. Take the fucking stock option.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's like the hacker that gets hired by the FBI. It's like, we like what you got. You're just sitting in a corner office with a gun every day waiting for your match.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
But these are also the pull yourselves up by the bootstraps people. Like, lacking is your responsibility.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Don't let me catch you lacking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
A new Fortnite battle pass drops that day, so I'm going to give myself 24 hours with that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
How long was this lockdown? Like three days?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Don't worry. You're sharpening the metal edge on your ruler.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's a heavily reported thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's like the main driver of pharmaceutical advertising sales. They kind of are hoping for one. It could be a closed loop system.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Probably a lot of overlap in the pool. You know, the path of the school shooter and the path of the... early droon you know what i mean the young uh
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm talking about my blackness. My family wouldn't let me. Are you saying Sidney's leaving blackness on the table? I think so.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. They had My Little Pony for a while. That was an option. Can we cure that part of autism? There's got to be a way. You just give them enough Sonic the Hedgehog that they don't hurt anybody. We've got to drop the new Sonic.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
There's like a pretty, I don't know what the percentage of the population is, but there's kids, but there's no more compelling thought than Sonic the Hedgehog being pregnant. Holy shit. Their eyes will just glass over for like significant chunks of the day. They're just like, what if Tails got Sonic pregnant? That would be pretty cool. Yeah, I guess I could doodle that. Sonic's a boy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I know, that's what makes it so interesting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Next is going to be our brains, by the way. Could be. If Neuralink takes off or whatever competes with Neuralink, we're going to forget about dicks and pussies for a while and be like, what do we do with our brains? Be big on our brains. Actually, the dick and pussy are just going to be getting in the way of having direct access to the chemicals in your brain.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's going to be crazy. Giving over your entire nervous system to the cloud just so you could have access to Wikipedia in your mind.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Don't sell yourself short.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Are you talking about, like, reverse cowgirl?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's Nirvana for ultimate pussy guys. You reach the final and you go, it was gay the whole time. Yeah, it was just all gay. You transcend body and soul.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
We got a 69.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. Maybe he was waiting for someone to say no. I think a lot of these people, he pressured them to go along with it, but I don't think any of them were just like, I'm not really into it, man. Like full stop? Yeah, I think he was thinking eventually someone was going to say.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, like Asian languages. They had what, 10,000 years of spoken language to figure it out, and they forgot the? They forgot the and forks?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I like that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I was like, damn. It's a very high thought to see if in your mind you could define the word the. That's what I'm saying, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's actually knows violence against men.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's crazy. 70s even.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
An hour and a half.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Did you? No. I just have a bunch of dumb shit I've been scrolling past in my head.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Well, I'd like to hear it at least. Did you hear about the teacher that all the kids would be in bed and she said no one can go to the bathroom anymore and all the kids pissed themselves and she got fired? What? Yeah. No? Yeah. I think all the kids were like your girl's age. How bad? What? Like little, little kids? Yeah, it was like that. I told you guys. I told you guys to calm down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, that would be totally improper.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And now no one can go to the bathroom. And now all the kids piss their pants and the teacher got fired. Yeah, of course, dude. A whole class pissing themselves is crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Oh, that would suck to be the first piss. Dude, you're all tapping your feet on the floor, not trying to be the first pisser.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I know a kid in second grade that pissed his pants in school and he had to change schools.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
She made a documentary. Yeah, did you see her cry? Yeah, tears welling up in her eyes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
100 cums? Yeah. The entire village had to split that in a year.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Now, everything smelled back then.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They might not even notice 100 combs. True. It might not have. The tannery on the edge of the village fucking reeks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, but I mean, probably you had to get through the winter. Yeah. You had to ingest a little bit of it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Big time. Do you think they called each other gay back then or is that off limits?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Bro, you're making some pretty serious accusations right now. Yeah. I'm actually going to run this pitchfork through your body if you say that again. I don't know what you're doing with your voice and smiling right now. They didn't know laughing at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Were they, like, crying for, like, the same tears that you get for winning the championship? No, she was being very brave. She was trying to, like, be very powerful and brave and just be like, yeah. And it's just, you know, it's just like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
The crops weren't stable enough to ponder gay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You ever watch like the YouTube guys that run laundromats? They make that look pretty attractive.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
no how that how what do they do with that they just go they go around they collect all their quarters and shit they go here's how much money i made and they count a bunch of money and they go all right man thanks for checking out the video see you guys next time yeah they break down like the economics of having a laundromat and all their locations are vending machine guys watch those what's the numbers what are they how much are you pulling in from the laundromat uh i don't know like i think i've seen people where they were like i made three thousand dollars this month that's passive income you know what i mean but then i think they probably do better from being a content creator
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's like Scrooge McDuck. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That would be a great sound to have in the background. Did you ever hit the penny arcade? Or like the coin star? The coin star? Yeah. I lived on the coin star for a stretch there. That shit rules, dude. Yeah, you ever get $40 from a coin star and be like, oh, thank God. Yeah, it's awesome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
There's no better feeling. When that receipt prints out and your checking account is overdrawn, that's like, that is, it's Indiana Jones grabbing the hat under the door. Good news. I can get home from work today.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
OK, yeah, I remember that. That was and then you could guess you could guess your total. I want a lollipop one time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's my day. I might have counted it beforehand, too. I might have cheated. Can you edit that out? Don't let them know that I cheated. That puts me in a really negative light.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
As long as you know in your heart that you didn't count every single one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Well done, man. You know, hats off to you, man. You won fair and square.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Got to put you in the elevator.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Ooh. This is green.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You have to get in someone's face about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's not working on this shit. The stop sign because it's not scanning and you're running it again and again. Exactly, dude. I'm going, are you taking my points right now? Excuse me, I'm trying to play Fruit Ninja. I spent $200 on Fruit Ninja and it's not working.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And it's not working. Nothing worse than a fucked up air hockey table. That'll make me... That's depressing. Do you guys care about anything? Yeah. Half the thing's not even blowing air.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Bro, a dead spot in the air hockey table. It's fucked up. Some fucking bullshit, dude. No one cares about anything anymore, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I saw her saying in the Twitter clip that some of the guys were like, she was cutting them off after like two minutes. And he's like, it said five in the DM. And she was just like, yeah, come on, you got to go. Come on, get out of here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. Did you ever see a phone store guy that they tried to rob and he stabbed one of the kids to death?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. Okay, everyone else has seen it. These two kids come into a phone store or something, and they try to jump over the counter and grab all the shit, and the guy running the place pulls out a knife and grabs one of the kids, and the other kid runs, and he just starts stabbing him. And the kid just bleeds out on the floor, and he's going... I'm dead. I'm dead. You ever seen that video?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't know. I've seen videos like that. It's pretty funny. I saw, I haven't seen a stabbing video. I didn't know it was a phone. Yeah. Or something like that. He died though. Yeah, he definitely died. Yeah, he died. Yeah. And the cashier posted the video himself. Like, you know, they tried it. They found out what was up. Did he get in trouble? I think they tried.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't know if he was convicted or anything like that. I mean, did he have that thing? Did he have that thing on him?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You ever see Indian guys defend a 7-Eleven? That's cool. Yeah. That's really nice. There's a really good one where a guy comes up behind the counter, and they just start hitting him with, like, brooms and shit. They're not really doing any damage, but, like, they're definitely getting some Indian aggression out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, true. Bitch bastard.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I stay in I mode.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You shouldn't be having a reaction to it. It's almost like abstract information. It's so far from you. There's almost no way it can impact you. It's none of my business. It's a huge mistake to constantly just be seeing stuff and be like, you know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Please get a PS5, man. Just get a PS5 and shut the fuck up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, it's half people being tricked by the dead internet and the other half is bots, you know? What is the dead internet? I've never really had that explained to me. Was I talking to you or Swim about it? Swim. I think I was talking to Tom about it. It's that internet theory is that like almost everything you see online is not real. It's not real people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
And then when you see real people engaging with it, you kind of look at them and be like, you're being tricked. Do either of you guys go on Facebook still?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm mostly on Facebook Marketplace.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Take my lesson.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, the coin.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't think she had any idea what was happening. I think right now, I don't think she's learned a single thing about it. Yeah. She was rug pulled as well? There could have been dudes. No, she benefited from it. Yeah, she probably made money. But there's probably dudes who are like, we're going to set all this up for you. Or it's like... They're doing it to, like, MMA fighters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's like a roving horde of, like, tech wiggers in California. Why? What's the draw? To be like, this is a unique coin. It's going to rise. It's like a penny stock, basically. Yeah, they go, look, there's no better way to capitalize on all the recognition that you're getting. It's never been a hotter time for you. What we can do, we're going to build a community.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It's going to be like a financially independent community around your identity. And you can't lose. You know what I mean? And then, like, the first day, the... price shoots up, they rug pull, and then the celebrity is standing there like, what the heck? Thank you for the $15 million, but everyone's really mad at me. Everyone's pissed.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They're the best of people who are like, I lost my life savings in the Hockatoo.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They talked to like a POG advisor, and he's like, look. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Well, did you see, like, a 10-year-old did a meme coin, and he got, like, $30,000. I was like, gotcha! Like, cashed out. Now I think he might be in big trouble. But then I think they boosted that so, like, he could have made, like, $12 million if he didn't, like, rug pull in the first, you know, hour or so. I mean, how can you blame a 12-year-old? That'd be so sick. You should meme coin.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That'd be tight. Rug pull. Matcoin? Rug pull would be nice. You call it rug pull?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
yeah yeah i don't think anyone's like inventing new technology i think they're just like copy and pasting the framework of every other coin and then you just give it a cool name and have like an endorser and that's that's all you need really you could probably do it yourself there's probably some youtube videos for how to do it what if i turned it into an nft
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Do you think, obviously, being anywhere in the 90s would suck, but I think being guy 100 would probably rule.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
It might be a surprise.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I don't think that any of them, none of them were like great art. I think it's just like they want to be on. It's attached to you. You know? Crazy. Yeah, you got to meme up. Yeah, I should meme coin. Time to go crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I'm out of the game. I'm going to rug pull.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No, there was... Okay, so there was... The way that they argued back was that they said they weren't rug pulling. They were saying other people were driving up the price so they could, you know, dump. Dump real quick. Yeah, and so... Pump and dump, I guess. And so, but... Even if that is the case, what they did was they had a high transaction fee for all of the purchases.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
So even if they weren't the ones doing the rug pull, they were getting 15% on every transaction. So they still pocketed, you know, $20 million or whatever. Really? Yeah. Even if they didn't do what everyone is saying that they did. Well, I don't know. I'm just going off what CoffeeZilla said. Thank you, Coffee. Yo, shout out Coffee Zilla, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
No one wants products anymore, man. We're past that. True.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
People just want to think about a weird thing and then have money assigned to it. That's all. That's true. Well, that's pretty sick. That is pretty sick. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Thank you so much. Thanks for having us in the arena of ideas. I knew you guys could rock the setup, dude. Yeah. Do people get competitive on here? I want to win the podcast. I know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Like, you did it. You're so good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Great idea.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Thanks for flying us out here and putting us up in the lap of luxury.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
I can't believe it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
When we got in the hotel and saw how nice it was, I felt sexually pressured. Oh, guys, this is the industry we're in, right?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
That's the best part of the weather down here, man. You can play naked all year round.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You know, it's got to be nice. I would say maybe when she gets her second wind around, like, in the low 70s, that's probably a nice spot. You know, she gets a little bit of... She can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Ejaculate. She submitted herself to, like, Al-Qaeda, like, interrogation tag.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
They were doing 100 in the 80s. They were doing 500 when I was a teenager. Yeah. Howard Stern was having girls on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
The sandwich has been sitting for a while kind of like a room-temperature hoagie should use that rough like hands Lava yeah lava soap with the granules. Yes mechanic grant No water just rubbing that shit on her eyes and just peels and falls off drawing your hands on newspapers. Oh
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Did they ever send you as, like, their emissary to deal with white people? All the time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Oh, man. It's more impressive than penetration.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah, you think the stroke locks in eventually, and you're like three, four pumping guys? You can even... You're talking like... Yeah, like, how fast are you making them come when you really get in your groove? Or a hypothetical woman, not you. Yeah, not me, obviously. Never. I'd be, I mean, me? I'd be lights out. I wouldn't even be in the building.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Yeah. That's got to be fun floating that out there to your like existing, like when you start promoting it and it's just like people, you know, they're just like, uh, like you flipping the coin and whether they'll check it out, you know? Yeah. That's going to be a uncomfortable.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
You're doing the soft core on Instagram and she'd be like, check out, you know, go to my link tree, you know? Yeah. Oh boys, you know, before it really catches on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 537 - Talkin' Mess (feat. Tim Butterly & Sidney Gantt)
Would you be DMing them too? You know, would you be sending DMs? Because, you know, in IT, this was like security testing where we would like send a phishing attack to an employee to see how they react. So would you pop in the girl's DMs and just be like, you know, damn, you look so good. And just seeing how they responded. Yes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Didn't think I was going to be that sweaty. Dude, I'm dying. Good fucking God, dude. Dying. We had fucking long penis cheating. Immediately everybody sprinting around. I mean, dude, you can't not run. It's fucking, it's absolute war. Long penis with the one of the all time cheats. Cheating. Long penis is Sean Gardini. He called himself that. I was not cheating. You were not cheating?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
No, I was playing by the rules. Okay. Running? No, I was moving swiftly. Running? Walking swiftly. I will say, I had a trick where people would get too close to me. I'd be like, dude, my fucking gun's not even working. Sorry, I did it to you, Andy, like five times. Also, Andy really held down the Terminator 2.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yeah. There's a move you go, dude, my fucking shit's off. And as soon as Andy walked past me, I'm like, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. Snake. Total snake. Sorry, Andy. I did that to like five different people. I'm like, fucking shit's not even working, dude. As soon as someone got the drop on me, I'm like, what the fuck? This shit sucks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I asked him to ally. I never shot you once. Spider did not ally with me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I tagged Big Unk a couple times. I know Unk got brought in. I was like, Unk, stay here. We both shot him immediately. I saw Unk down in the mix. I was like, now I'm going to grab a couple points off him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
that was uh man dude speaking of laser tag rules if laser tag god damn i want dude i want to formally challenge dr marta laser tag really yeah he's in hot water right now why what'd he do dude is uh his alleged although he did his alleged daughter although i have reason to believe it could possibly be his daughter because he claimed to have paid child support her whole life came out and was like you're a fucking deadbeat just give me my sister's number
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
You know Dr. Mars? Yeah. He doesn't like interracial dating and all that stuff. Doesn't really like white people, I get the feeling.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Dude, his daughter for real crushed him. Came out and was like, you're a fucking deadbeat. You're a loser. Nobody should be listening to you. And then he came back, rather than being like, I don't know who you are, which that would be devastating to your strange daughter to do that. But he goes... He was saying something like, get your mom on the phone. We can hash this out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
And he was saying, I'm sick of... First of all, he goes, you're either with me or against me on this. No more frenemies. He doesn't want any more frenemies, dude. I appreciate that. Next time, yeah, if my daughter ever confronts me for being Debbie, I would be like, I have no time. You're either with me or against me. I know. That's fucking hilarious. And then he called her a struggle streamer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Trying to get clout off of his name. Trying to get clout off her daddy. Calling your estranged daughter a struggle streamer. Phil's a fucking struggle streamer. I have the opposite. Phil's always trying to get clout.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
He's a struggle streamer. He wanted clout. Now he gives away tickets. Every show I go to, there's fucking eight guys from the Elks in the green room.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
It was killing me. It was fucking unbelievable. It was fucking killing me. Shane, how about a little meet and greet? The guy's one of the top sales guys in Tampa. Could you meet him?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
no that was the list was crazy yeah the list he handed my my manager a list that is 40 people at every show that was a wild night tampa was it was awesome tampa and jackson tampa was wonderful yeah all those fucking studs were there yeah true aaron judge's fucking big ass was there he was fucking huge He's still a unit. I was less starstruck this time. Yeah. That was the first time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yeah, the last time when I met him at that game. Didn't you see him at a baseball game? Yeah, full Yankees uniform. Just hit a giant home run. In batting practice. Came over. He was like, what are you doing back there, big man? I was like, I saw you. You just drilled that ball. I've never spazzed like that. Seeing him at the game would fuck you up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Talking to Bubbles here, I was a little... Bubbles was fucking me up. Taking him back. True. I mean... Yeah, he was fucking... That guy was... He's on the fucking videos outside the bar. Watch the videos. It's him fucking mixing drinks. Bubbles is the man. He gave me some good pointers. We might get Bubbles in this next game. I'm on his team. I call Bubbles' team.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Did he tell you about the zombie game? Yeah, that sounds fun. Zombies sound sick. Everyone's green. One red zombie. And then you spread... If you get hit by the zombie, you become a zombie as well. It's kind of sick. I don't know how you would cheat in that game. Yeah, how are you going to cheat, long penis?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Dude, you got to bleep the GoPro. I was saying horrible things to you. I was screaming on the GoPro. You shoot me. I was like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
What was your strategy, Gardini? It was run right at everyone. Stick and move. Stick and move? Stick and move fast. Yeah. You were running. That was swift. Swift walk. You were running. I might have been running. I saw you run. That's fine. You cheated. Bubbles is on your ass for the next game. Well, that's concerning. Yeah, he's going to personally follow you around. I came here for a good time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
And immediately guys take advantage of the rules. Man, I finished seventh. That's not bad. That's pretty good. Sucks. First game. I beat Spider. Fuck yeah. I lost a big – oh, I lost a Nicky Blazer.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Adam Eget. I lost to Nicky Blazer by probably one shot. It was close. It was a close one. And you were camping.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I was camped, and then I would run and gun. I would just get hit 50 fucking times. You were hitting the lay down, which was a nice move. Lay down was pretty good. That sounds like that's against the rules. That's cheating so much. That sounds like that's against the rules. He was lying. He was laying down. He was going, my fucking pack doesn't work. That's what Chris keeps saying.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Chris keeps saying his gun was broken. That's why. He was RoboCop. They changed his name to RoboCop. Wait, his gun wasn't working, but he didn't come in very last place, did he? No, that was the one. It happened to be the one female that was brought on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Damn, dude. Oh, there's my fucking gym shorts. I've been looking for those. Goddamn spiders wearing them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I was laying... That's why you weren't running around. Someone's going to bump into her. The worst thing you want is something terrible to happen at a fucking laser tag. I startled the shit out of her. I was laying down behind a corner. She walked. I went... I was like, sorry about that. Sorry about that. Dude, if she does give birth in a laser tag, that's America's next emperor.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
It's chosen by God. True. If you give birth under the artificial fog and black lights of a laser tag. Just being that that's your first image coming out into the world. Surrounded by Team Fats. Everyone's sweaty with packs on. My thing is I'd be still racking up major points. I'd be sitting there hitting their fucking sensors while she's giving birth.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Every single person would be sitting there going, all right, dude, it's fucking time out. Have some fucking respect. Yo, my pack's deactivated. You can't even shoot me right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Probably knocked me out of fun. I thought James, I thought one of them hit me. No, that was me at the buzzer. I shot you. I betrayed you. Wow. I just want you to know, but this is me coming clean. I appreciate you coming clean. Obviously, Blazer Tag is a game of nothing but treachery. Obviously, there was one ultimate cheater. Long penis. Just so happened to be the champion.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
bro you cheated it was crazy bubbles even said so bubbles watching the footage he's like yo for i might kick him out bubbles did bring it up so we'll see yeah he might address it james interesting technique yeah james is big just hiding behind the stinking like shit so blind my enemies body odor that's my great i did find something out so i think the reason
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
What was going on with that dump? What led up to that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yeah, I'm coming for you. Now you know. Now we know that long distance doesn't work the same way. Close quarters. New rules, though. If somebody is running, you are allowed to tackle. Yeah, for sure. Trip or tackle. Trip or tackle, for sure. If they're laying on their stomach, you can step on their backs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Cool. I was patrolling like an L shape. I would come here, come there, come here. And then I'd wander off, run back. Please, Sean. Don't be confident. Sean, I'm going to for real follow you the whole time now. I'm going to sacrifice my whole game. I'll be last place. And I'm just going to take you down to like fourth place. That's okay. I'm going to do that. Damn, guard dog's confident.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Dude, he's... No, there's nothing wrong with fourth place. If I shadowed him, dude... Fourth place is nice. Huh? Fourth place I'm happy with. Bro. One first, one fourth. If I shadowed him, it wouldn't be fourth. One first place, one fourth place. Bubbles scrubbed that from the record. It doesn't count. Bubbles did bring up, he was like long penis. He had his eye on you. Just so you know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
He was like guys. He's a guy that appreciates. Bubbles was all over long penis. He took us aside. He was like, guys, for real, I'm glad you guys are having fun and shit, but that guy's like, if this wasn't a private event. He was a pregnant woman. It's the battlefield. Fucking knocks her over. I saw you knock her over. She didn't want to talk about it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
We opened the doors. We had to open the doors of the house. You crushed the girls? Crushed the girls. Was it a giant log or like a pile?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Cause you were like, you fucking don't want to kill you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Bubbles is walking by. He's covered her mouth. Yeah. You were, I didn't, I've never seen that side of you, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
It's a weird side to see. You bring your friend, you put him in any type of competitive situation, he instantly cheats. It's fucking crazy. Who would have thought? The two biggest cheaters right there. James cheated at my birthday. I was fucking pissed about it. You cheated at the birthday?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
That's first. You two are the captains for next game. Yeah. You got to pick teams. It can't be random. That would not be fair. Strong alliances. If the guys who cheat versus the fats. Cheaters versus fats. I'm not on fucking Terminator's team. Terminator. That's actually a strong move. Everyone behind Terminator. That's not a bad idea. It's a new form of cheating that we just invented.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yeah, for sure. We're all going to cheat and scream as soon as everybody, as soon as we got in the room. By the way, shout out to Blazer Tag Pizza. I told you. It fucking hits.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
How long have we been going? We got to get back in.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Oh, shit. 16 minutes for the first one, so we're about a half an hour. Are you fucking kidding me? I got here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Next time we need like an eight-hour all-day pass. We need to tag for like three hours. Bubbles is not afraid to give you a speech. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. We love BetterHelp. Love ButterHelp. As nice as it would be. The help with the butter on it. ButterHelp. As nice as it would be. You don't have all the answers. Prompt for a host rift. I struggled with dot, dot, dot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I personally, I don't like to get into this, but I struggled with deep sexual feelings for amphibians until I got out. Until I got help from. Better help. Better help. And we overcame that struggle because they were like, it was like a stern father. Like, oh, you want to smoke cigarettes? Well, how about you do a hundred of them? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
butter help said how about you do a hundred of them tough guy boxing 100 frogs you don't come out of that room until you cream by every one of those fuckers mouths i said but butter hill it's it's it's important that you have a good support system you know people you can go to when the going gets tough like a therapist from butter hill
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
They're always nice to have in your corner because there are times when you can't go to your family or friends. You can't tell your family about those frogs. You can't tell anyone about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I didn't trust the professional. Oh, my God. Yes, we already riffed. We riffed with things that helped us. Therapy is great because, I mean, dude, after I stopped my whole thing with those amphibians, my social skills were much more positive. I overcame those problems, and I learned how to reach out. I learned how to reach out for help and save space.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
If you want to give therapy a try and you're not sure where to begin, check out Butterhill.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Oh, bro, trust me. When you're on the edge of a pond and you don't even see the frog, but you hear it jump into the water, I go, I just want to fucking jump in after and bring that thing out. Hopefully I kiss it and it turns into a prince. Guys, check out BetterHelp.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
It's fully online, so easy to get started, and they have access to a wide range of credentialed therapists, over 30,000 with all sorts of different specialties.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yeah, guys, guys. Sorry, I had some motherfucking boogers. It's all right. Check out, build your support system. Build your support system with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash mssp to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash mssp.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
You. They said it couldn't be done. I know. They said it could not be done. Nobody would be crazy enough to do a podcast live from Blazer Tag. I know. I didn't know you could pull it off, dude. This is. Yeah, it turns out it was pretty easy to pull off. Yeah, true. Just had to rent that fucking place out. Yeah, true. What are you guys doing at 1 o'clock in the afternoon?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Thank you, Butthill. Butthill. Ah, dude. Yeah, next time. It's like we already saw the video. I do. This is a fun topic that I came across the other day. There's a restless leg medication that's been causing women to do horrible sexual stuff. So like, like, there's just like someone that's taken some restless really watch them, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
It's like they'll like there was ladies who were taking it like 5040 60 year old ladies who were on this medication and then like, they would fake go to work and just like show their tits to strangers and like,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
like troll they would start trolling for sex i got restless tit syndrome yeah restless tit you gotta get those things out dude it'd be like it would be like uh one of your aunts would just take this take these meds and just like leave sunday mass and start like trolling a city and trying to get blowjobs and strangers off the meds for like a couple years shout out to big pharma for that one
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
That's what I'm saying. Thank you. And then they came off of it and they were just like, what the fuck did I? Symptoms went away immediately. Imagine, dude, if like three of your aunts were just gobbling, dude, for like three years, hitting like the L in Philly and just fucking. Oh, my God. It's a nice lady that just.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
normal ladies dude kids are in college you take the restless leg meds and you just cheat on your fucking husband like 45 times in a year you just meet dudes at the home depot bathroom and it's fucking blown in the back no yeah i read the whole thing about it it's pretty crazy
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I had RLS. Thank fucking God. I think actually maybe I did take that for a while. I might have been on the RLS for my entire 20s and some of my teens. God damn restless legs and you're throwing the whole room off. Me and you get to talk about that every day. You guys aren't together? What the fuck? Why are you guys touching elbows? You're throwing me off. You're throwing the whole room off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Just finally getting out of like a multi-month bomb. He's spilling water in your eye. Splashing fucking water in my eye. I know. It's not the first time. The other time, I just straight up missed my mouth and just poured it all down my shirt in a little boy. That was the RLS medicine. That might have been the RLS medicine. You took a facial. I was thinking about my next victim. Yeah. My next suck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
But yeah, so we got that going on. That's hilarious. Yeah, I was pretty pumped about that. Keep an eye on your fucking aunties, y'all. Keep an eye on your motherfucking aunties. Dump that medicine right down the drain. For real. They don't know about that. I mean, dude, imagine you're just watching the VMAs with your aunties.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
And they're just seeing like JT's fucking teenest dude flying through the air. You've seen that guy flip? Who's that guy who does flips off the piano? Oh, Blazer Tag. Nicky Blazer ripped his clothes off at the VMAs. I forget his name. The guy who sings... I know who you're talking about.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Reporting for duty, Team Pat. Team Pat reporting for duty.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
It's pretty accurate. It's like girl rock. It's fairly accurate. Passionate girl rock. It is girl rock, yeah. Benson Boom. That's kind of an unfair... Now you can just take a formula and just create those songs and girls will like literally every single one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I like this song. I like this song. Listen to the words. This song fucking sucks. You listen to the words of Edmund Fitzgerald. You think about the chef. Think about the cook coming in and saying, fellas, it's been good to know you. After the main hatchway gave in. You dumb bitch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Fine, I'll listen, but we're actually going to sync up Dark Side of the Moon and The Wizard of Oz after this, and you've got to watch the whole fucking thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
No. I tried to listen to The Guns of August last night. Put it on? Not a big hit. What the hell?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yeah, the mutual audio book is tough. My girlfriend's friend stayed in our hotel room. Nothing. They were on the meds. They were on the meds. It was after SNL and she was like, I'm going to take a nap before I go home. Because it was 6am. And I was like, alright, this is what I listen to when I sleep. And I put on rain noises.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
And now I can't listen to the fucking rain thing anymore because it sounds exactly like applause. She was fucking right. You need to stand and know to pass out. I need to stand and know. I can't. It's rain. You hear the trickle. Obviously rain. Maybe across the room in a hotel. Oh, there you go. Is that fucking applause? With some distance, it sounds like applause.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
On a day they're closed, we got blazer tag. I have glazer tag. God damn it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Because you can hear the trickles. Yeah. That's maybe a babbling brook. I'm going to have to switch it up, get some thunder in there or something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
for duty team fat oh yeah that's gonna be camped though that's gonna be tough you guys will camp you're gonna have to breach the roof yes you guys gotta get the tactical position another reporting for duty What up, Pat? We're splitting up the Razortag team.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
There's nothing wrong with listening to that at bedtime. Dude, that could trigger an exorcism. Yeah, I've done that. I've done the audiobook at night time. It's like, what is this? What are you listening to? Fine. It's about how World War I started. I want to have a better understanding. Are you still listening? So we don't fucking fall into it again. Yeah. Are you still listening to that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Like, yes, it's fucking on. I'm still listening to it. Oh, I had a fucking bug crawl across me. What? In the middle of the night. You know this is one of my deepest fears. Yeah, what happened? It fucking woke me up. The thing was huge. Was it in the hotel? No, it was in...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
it literally went up the side and I was like I woke up yeah and it wasn't it wasn't like a night I don't think it was a night I felt it it like woke me up I could feel it on me kind of bug kind of creepy crawler I didn't get to see the crawler which was made for a worst evening because then I was flashlight out looking under the blankets and laying down I was like I didn't want to tell her I couldn't be like a giant spiders in our bed
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
No way. Because there has been a giant spider in the pool house. That'd be a hot new cuck genre where a spider just fucking literally laser tags your wife. Spider just runs. Spider, no. They just hold the camera like, yeah, spider. And then you suck the cream pie. Oh, fuck. I need you to fart, Spider. Oh, fuck, dude. You love that fucking smell, babe. I'm not having fun anymore.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yeah, I'm going to see that again. That was... Friendship and French onion boys. No, no, no. Don't tell them. Don't tell them that we all got French onion soup after we saw a movie and discussed the movie.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I'm a sensitive boy. There's nothing wrong with being sensitive, but to see that movie and be like, that fucked me up is crazy. The movie's hilarious. The trailer looks awesome. It's everything. It's for you. I can't wait. You're going to fucking think it's the funniest movie. I saw the trailer and I was like, this looks phenomenal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yeah, it's got to be. It's up there. Yeah. Comedy movies are back. True. In a big way. Pendulum swung. Pendulum swung. Pendulum's fully swung. Maybe too far. Head down to the mothership, you go, ooh. Yeah. Pendulum's maybe swung a little too far. Not everyone has to say it. True. Every single set. Dude, I think we're in like the new version of the 70s now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
We had like a version of the 60s, like the hippie dream, which was just like state-sponsored basically propaganda at this point. It was just like the super woke stuff. It's completely falling apart. Now we're in the 70s. Now I got evil hippies. Exactly. And then we're about to hit the 80s pretty soon, which will be sweet. Yes. We're about to have a new 80s. The 30s are going to be the 80s.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
We're going to be dying during the 90s, which is a good time to die. 90s are the best one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Dude, do you think the Middle East will still be there in the new 90s, dude? It's going to be casinos. It's going to be the Riviera. It's going to be Trump casinos. It's going to be the other Riviera of the Mediterranean. You'll probably have to do a VR. 9-11 will be like a ride at Universal Studios. You'll be in the building.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
If you have the lightning pass, they'll be like, hey, we actually know about an attack. We're going to get you guys out of there before. It's coming. Yeah, Tower 7 will be the haunted one. Drop out of nowhere. Tower of Terror. You just go, oh, we're dropping. Tower 7 of Terror. Against all odds, we're dropping. Oh, my God. Yeah, that'll be awesome. But yeah, definitely, it's heartening news.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
We are... The pendulum's fully swung. The pendulum's swung. The dream broke, but the residue of it, just like the hippie dream, will still kind of saturate the culture, but it'll just be like breakfast. It'll blend into ice cream stuff. Damn. The hipsters were kind of fun at first. Huh? You remember like 2010? Yeah. Yeah. It was kind of a nice group of people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
It was Nick and Nora's infinite playlist. It was. And then they... And I was at the right age to be gay enough for it. I fucking loved that shit. And then they turned evil. What did you love about it? I just liked all the music. Freedom, yeah. The dawn of a new age. I liked the gay music. LCD sound system still rules. Shit does fucking rule. All that. Yeah, that shit rules.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yeah, I don't know what happened. I'm telling you, dude, it was Occupy Wall Street and then it just total psyop and they turned into still wearing masks today, which is...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
it's unsettling when you see a guy just a dude by it's like it's like maybe you're visiting your grandma but like i don't know i've said it before if you're great if you're like a grandmom or grandfather and you're worried about that it's like i think you've kind of failed yeah why don't you shut up you're just a pussy it's like if you're 80 and you're worried about covid you you're a pussy even if you don't die of covid you're gonna be a pussy definitely the people that should be worried about though for sure yeah but it's you imagine you don't want to die like that you don't want to die well i guess they all do die of pneumonia
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yeah. Eventually, yeah. You can't be scared of death by the time you're 80. I mean, it's close. It's easier said than done, obviously. Dude, when you're making your grandkids get experimental therapeutics... Yeah. ...so they can chill with you, I think... I don't think that many grandparents were doing that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
That's true. I did my part. What up, Nate? What up, big onk? We're just all coming clean here. Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry. I shouldn't rag on 80-year-olds, but I pray by the time I'm 80, I'm not going to be scared of some fucking bullshit ass. I'm trying to take the moral high ground. I'm just thinking of when I was 80. If I was ever 80. Past life transgression. No shot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I hope by the time I'm 80, I'm truly not afraid of death. I hope I'll be trying to get the 40s. Holy shit. Oh, yeah. You got to get on the fucking good foot. It's time. It's time. It's time to get a blood panel. That's going to be a real bummer. Yeah, trust me. I got mine. Mine was not great. Yeah, it's going to be a bummer. Although right now, I've said it before, but I always stray from this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I don't care about aesthetics. I'm going just performance. I toggle back and forth. It's like, could I just be coming to Donna's? And then I just get fatter every day, and I go, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. So I'm going just pure performance now. It doesn't care, weight, don't care. I don't care about anything. I'm just caring about mile times, hang time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
We've got to have a BMI. It's got to be a BMI cutoff. You guys are in Legion right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I mean, I think I got like a 140 hang time, whatever. It's not a big deal, but it's fucking hard. I believe you, yeah. It's cool. Awesome. Thought we could talk about fitness shit. Hang time is tough, dude. That does blow. Hang time, it's hard. I'm in a stiff competition with Billy right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
billy you might get him on the hang time now did you ever see his fucking hands yeah he's big yeah but he's got fucking fat he does have paws yeah he's for real like dog paws so i right now we're tied but i i gotta overtake him for sure in the hang time it's weird they're saying like that's all that matters everyone's worried about covid but they're like if your thighs are jacked and you can squeeze stuff really hard you're not gonna die
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
so i actually believe that i'm telling you they're saying if you have like jack thaws exactly they're saying grip strength and like muscle density in your legs are a bigger indicator jack thaws win the grip strength every time at rogan's other than rogan not a big deal yeah man so fuck you looking at adam your ass loss well what was what's the poundage on the grip strength
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I think I got – it was like 145 last time. That's good. And then no one could beat it, so I only went once. I was like, all right, good. That's good. First try. I'm on your bumper right now. I believe it. I'm on your bumper. You better not be on my bumper. I'm on your bumper right now. If any Democrats out there say something mean about Donald Trump, I'm on your bumper.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
They better chill with making that kid famous because – What do you think is going to happen? Same thing that happens to everybody. There's going to be a nasty story about that sweet angel. Oh, God. He's going to shoot an unarmed white kid. True. That'd be fair. I could see them doing some nasty false flag like that against him. I'd be on their bumper. I'd be on the CIA's bumper if that happens.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
He's a sleeper cell. No, I'm definitely on the CIA's bumper. I just got a fucking laser tag on the brain. I do too. Yeah, let's get a post game.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
One more laser tag. Yeah, good call. We don't got to watch the video again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
That's just the smell vibe in here right now. That's the blazer room, post game, locker room. We need showers here. We got to get a pro team going. We could put in the work and get a pro team. I mean, we got two of the best cheaters in America. We weren't cheating. What's like the game plan? Yeah, what do you do? What's like the game plan? The game plan is stick and move, stay low and keep firing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Instantly leaves the floor. Yeah, somebody went to the towers big time. Wasn't me. You weren't up there? I defend cheating. How did I see you up there? I don't know. You must have been a mirage or something. You must have been loopy from the bed. Oh, man, that sucks. And I'm not against cheating. That's disgusting. You're a liar. James was on the ground.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying. Except when we had to move up. Yeah, well, you can move up. Yeah, the floor was lava then. You had to move up. The floor was lava. Yeah, the floor was lava. The balconies were lava. Somebody who's lava-proof. Lemaire, dude, they went five-minute warning. Lemaire was on level three already. I was like, I was. I was on level two. Exactly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
That was weird. I was just trying to be joking. You went early? You went up early? I thought it was funny. Sean, that's not how the blue team does it, dude. That's not blue stuff. I thought it would be fun. I thought about it. I was tempted, but I waited. I got stuck in that corner. I couldn't get up there. I kept trying to go to that ramp. Corner was nice. True.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
The guy was policing the ramp, too. I was like, I'm taking it. And I would see that guy, and I'm like, fuck. Next time I'm putting bubbles in there, get him on the ramp. Anyway, what else is going on? Not much, man. Fuck, what else is going on? Dude, how was SNL? There we go. Let's talk about that. I got that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
God damn it. You got that blood taking out your little fucking week. I mean, yeah, it's hard to podcast knowing laser tags on the back end. What are you thinking about? We're going to be taking breaks, hit the tag, come back and report. What were you thinking about, Thames? I'm thinking fats versus thins. That's not bad. Fats versus thins is going to be nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
After a week in laser tag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Laser tag is more important. It was...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
it was easier the second time but the one thing that sucks is you know what's coming the second time so the first time you go through and you're like all right monday that was easy tuesday that was easy then all of a sudden you do everything on friday you film all those pre-recorded sketches you film so you're there we had to get there at like six oh six a.m so you gotta like pick up at 5 30 and then you get done at fucking 2 a.m and then you gotta do the real thing and then you wake up the next day oh why do they do it that way i don't know
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
That sounds good. Why not? Yeah, do that first. I have no idea. Rest up. Yeah. Maybe just to get you jacked up and, like, juiced up. I don't know. Yeah, you know. It was actually. I mean, it doesn't matter how late you stay up. When you do the rehearsal live, it's the scariest. If they ever showed that monologue I did. Oh, yeah. Fucking nuts. Oh, fuck. It's the most nervous I've ever been.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
uncomfortably not nervous that's that's a good idea i was like oh this isn't yeah giving you the run-through is a genuinely good idea yeah every sketch you're nervous you're like fuck i can't read that's dude that reading everyone's i've talked to people before like yeah you can read off a card i'm like dude i can hardly read books to my kids gotta read the card like you're telling a joke that's like no i don't know and then they change the lines in between rehearsal and the real show
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I'll tell you what I would do. I would fuck the first card up immediately and I'd think about it the rest of the time and I'd fuck up every single card after that. So that's my prediction. For sure. That's what I would do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
And I think I fucked it up so bad they were like, it's not that good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yeah. That's what happened. You do a sketch and then they're like, all right, we're not going to use that. And you're like, fuck, that was my fault because that was definitely funny. Now they shouldn't have went back to the well. The Jamaican well. I liked the Jamaican well. I love it. It's funny every single time. Damn. Exactly right. So they had the Jamaican part, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
They did have Jamaican part, too, and I think I fucked it up. You know. Nah, you never know. They're not going to tell you. You never know. You should get on like an M.R. vibe, dude. What's that? M.R. is a white English guy who just does dancehall, and he does it really well. Oh. You ever seen that guy? Jamaican dancehall guys? No. Pussy Turn Red? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pussy Red? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
You got to get past their filter. They don't like that. Doctor Hits. Doctor Hits. Someone's got to be General Fat. Oh, that's great. Hey, Spider. General Fat Spider. I was thinking of cool names last night. I was like, what can I slide through? Yeah, last game.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I didn't know that was his name. Turn a Pussy Red. Yeah. Yeah, dude. You should. Something to consider. Just do like a year.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Take one year off and rebuild. Let me tell you about this, man. Yeah, the monologue, though, is the scariest. And it was like there's Tate McRae fans in the front. Oh, God. It's like, oh, man, they're not going to fucking like me talking about Ken Burns. Yeah. It's just like young. How did they? They did like it. That's cool. The monologue went well. That's cool. But the rehearsal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Who were the fans? Was it just like attractive ladies sitting up front? Yeah. They're the fucking worst. How are you? If you had to pick a demographic that you didn't want like two rows of in the front, it's just hot ladies. Hot young women. No. And the way that's set up, you saw it, was like two sections and then everyone else is just in the back of the room. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
it's not conducive for stand-up no unless you have like a point they like that yeah if a comedian goes out there and makes a fucking good point true everyone's like that's incredible you can get the hot young babes with good points even if they don't fully understand they'll be like wow awesome i never thought of it like that yeah hot young babes are lasting what you think you want them
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Give me a room full of hot young babes. I'll fucking spin their heads around. I'll make them very unhappy. They also don't have the best attention spans either. No. The worst show I ever did was the small room at the stand upstairs. It was five different tables of hot young women. The whole room was empty. Then they brought food in. They had like 10 waiters at once.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Just fed everyone at once while I was standing up. Immediately it was on to the food. Every waiter was probably like, I'll get that for you right away. Yeah, I'll pick that one up. I'll get that for you right away.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Everyone's eating. Yeah. Perfect. And they're like, no, you're doing good. And you go, ugh. I mean, it's got to be just crazy being in like a hot lady's body. I couldn't think of anything else. If I was just a hot lady in a hot lady's body, I'd be like, God, I'm so fucking hot right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I'm literally, I just, I just be so turned on by myself. I'm like, dude, I'm just, I'm just way too horny to listen. I was waiting for it. Why isn't this guy a billionaire? And why isn't he just fucking picking me up on my head and taking me to his house? That's what I would think about if I was a hot lady. In the city of New York?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
The one thing that was funny with SNL was the first time... Tate McRae, by the way, extremely nice lady. Nice Canadian lady came in. She was very like, hey, how are you? So the host screen room here, the musical artist is right across the hall. And I was sitting on the couch trying to fucking read, freaking out. And then she walked in and I was like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
for real I don't know why I did this I was just like trying to say and she kept walking and I was like oh that hurts but then she came right back in and was like hey how are you did you re I was like but then the first thing we did was a sketch where I was in a fucking like motorized scooter dressed like an animal and she had to sit on my lap and right before they were like Tate are you okay with this is everything okay are you alright with sitting on his lap she was like yeah I don't care and I was like no one asked me and they were like Shane are you alright I was like yes laughing
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Which seemed really funny at the time until it's literally just me, her, and the director. And I was like, I hope you understand. I was kidding. She didn't laugh? I think she laughed, but I was immediately embarrassed that I did that. She's like 21. I'm sitting there like, yes, I'm good with it. I mean, to be fair, it was very funny. Yeah. Funniest thing you could possibly do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
But yeah, the aftermath of that would have been like, I'm just fucking around. And it was like, we just got done filming the first sketch. And I had to rush to that one. And they were like, hurry up. She's got to leave. And, uh, so I was like sweaty. It was a nightmare. And then it was, she's like, her character was supposed to flirt with me. And so she was like, we have such a nice thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
That was like, I'm really sorry about this. I'm sorry. I was just kidding when I said I was super happy. I was just joking about that. She's like, what? I was like, it's a joke. I told her. I don't even know if you heard it. What? Yeah. It's fucking bullshit what Trump's doing about Canada. I don't even understand. It's fucking bullshit. It's fucking terrorist and fucking bullshit, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I definitely felt sweat on my chest. Damn. Yeah. You're in the presence of a diva. She's a diva. That's so sick, though. I keep hearing about new divas. There's new divas. I am completely. Divas, yeah. We're too old. I'm out of the diva loop. I'll be back in the diva loop. Be careful. I'll be back in like six years, seven years. Be careful when you get back in the diva loop. Why?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
It takes over your algorithm. Well, I'm saying... I followed Tate McRae on Instagram. You're in the diva loop now. My diva loop's fucking insane. What are the other divas right now? Sabrina Carpenter's a diva. Okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
They have to be the hot ones? I mean, now you're making us the bad guys, but yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
You'd be Netanyahu. Netanyahu? Bibi would be nice. Don't get him started. I might be Bibi, actually. Bibi! Bibi Net.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I've never seen Chapel Rowan. I've never seen Chapel Rowan.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yeah. That is also right up your alley. Triple room dressing like a drag queen.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
It's very all... You got to think for that. But yeah, I just learned this weekend, girls will dress as drag queens. Which is dressing as... It's got a dong face. It's got a dong face.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I love to tell you, I wasn't just watching RuPaul's Drag Race yesterday. Were you really? It was on at my house and Whitney Cummings was on it. Really? She was one of the... Yeah, they did a roast. Yeah. It was great. Roast the drags? That's scary, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yeah. RuPaul's got some conservative ideas. She's anti-trans. I think trans people are not allowed on the show.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I thought that was cool. Yeah, RuPaul kind of rules for that. Damn, that's pretty cool. Just like every other black comedian.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yo, I did it again this time. I was like... They were like, do you have anything you don't want to do? I was like, I'm just not going to wear a dress. I can't do it. Yeah. From Kat. You can't, bro. Otherwise, I'd be like, yeah, whatever. It's funny. I'm not doing anything wrong. You can't, bro. Now it's... If I put that dress on, it's over, dude. It's over. No, Danny, bro. You can't do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
No, I'm not. It's tough, though. It's tough to speak up at NBC. It's weird to be in an office and they're like, do you have anything? It's like, I'm just not going to wear a dress. They're like, okay.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Because of Cat Williams? You don't need him on your bumper for sure. Fuck no. I wouldn't want him on my bumper.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
yeah dude especially yeah and also it really is like what would the what would a good enough scenario or joke be for you to be in the dress would have to be a dynamite fucking sketch yeah it's Doubtfire Doubtfire there was although Robin Williams couldn't handle it I don't know if I'm allowed to spoil sketches I don't know if I'm allowed to spoil it but there was a very funny Mrs. Doubtfire sketch they're probably maybe they'll use it again because it was good because we didn't use it really really funny
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Maybe those guys need to live to 2000. He's the potent of Israel, for sure. Man. You can feel it. It is a blazer tag. The air, the air in here. Now that the boys reported for duty, the air got thick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Why, they didn't use it because of your... No, no, no. The character would not have been wearing a dress, but he would have been... It was a guy getting confronted that he was Mrs. Doubtfire. Hilarious. That is funny. I hope I didn't spoil it. This is a good one. They'll still rip it. They'll rip it. They'll rip it. And you can go, that was my fucking idea. I said that on my fucking podcast.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I said that on my podcast. Dibs. I want to start fake comedy beefs. I expect that was my joke. Anyone puts out a clip, be like, bro, I've been doing that, dude. People do that. I actually tweeted that six years ago. Yeah, of course. Every single joke is on Twitter. You can find it. Yo, I fucking did that, bro. Oh, that thing with three likes from 2013? Yeah, I saw that and I stole it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
There's got to be a statute of limitations. Bernie Mac's material is up for grabs as far as I'm concerned. Oh, I got dicks on you and I understand. It's up for grabs. I got milk and cookies. You got milk and cookies. True. I got these badass kids. These badass motherfucking kids. I clearly don't even have kids. These badass motherfucking kids. I ain't ashamed. Your family fucked up too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
But yeah, that's awesome. That's nice. That's gotta be so nice to be done with that again. Yeah. It's the most stressful fucking thing. Yeah. Possible. Then. Yeah. Especially a diva throwing a diva on the mix. It's like that would, that might fuck me up a little bit. I wish it was 21 and he got to sit on my lap. Both you guys are wearing dresses. You should push for the next time you do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Push for like in all, every sketch has to be gay, like just gay stuff. Yeah, I have to kiss a cast member every single time. Who was that? Not Ben Affleck. Matt Damon. He just went hog wild on that one movie. Liberace. Matt Damon. No, Crystal behind the candelabra. Behind the candelabra. Yeah, yeah. He just went fucking hog wild.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Dude's been acting for like 25 years and he was like, I'll do full gay, like total, total gay. It's got to be there. After you've done it all. I think that came out in a year that people weren't that critical. What do you mean? It was early. It was before the culture wars. It was. So it was right there. Yeah. I mean, it was just on the table. It was a bag, obviously.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Denzel went for it in Gladiator. He got gay bag? How gay was he in Gladiator? I think they had to cut it. What did they do? I think they cut out a scene where he was like making out with guys. And then Denzel, chill.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Just thousand year craft. It's like, okay, we can see you play a cop, but can you play Gilbert Grape? Can you play a gay guy or Gilbert Grape? Gay Gilbert Grape is the ultimate. That would be nice. Why haven't we had that yet? Probably have. It's got to be one. Nobody's played a gay special needs guy yet? I don't think so, man. Maybe Yonk Lee. Forrest Gump had straight A's.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
He didn't do anything. Him and Bubba might have fucked around a little bit. That's true, Bubba. Gets lonely on the high seas. Although Gump, yeah, Bubba never made it to the high seas. He also might have sucked Lieutenant Dan. Yeah, he probably sucked Dan. Yeah. Well, I'll be. Man, I'm tired from all that laser tag. Bro, that shit. We didn't even talk about the final match. We got two minutes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Once they bring us the rations, the movie theater pizza, this is going to be thick in there. It's going to be like the fucking jungles of nominal. It's It's going to be a pure bog. Humidity, 87%. Guys are going to lose their minds, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
We could get one more Blaze. We could. We need one more Blaze, honestly. That last match was bullshit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
You need one more, Matt, because this is devastating. I need revenge. At the end, they give you who you killed the most. He killed me. I was getting... I was getting... I only killed Matt. 15 times. I killed Matt 15. I keep forgetting you're in that corner. I would come back right away. The rest was 3, 4, 4, 0, 4, 1. 15 on Matt. Now you got me. I got you 10. I got you 10.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I kept thinking our alliance was still on. I just, the last second, would hesitate. At the beginning, I didn't know what color my team was. Really? Yeah, I was shooting reds. I saw you. I heard you getting kind of confused. Yeah. So I was surrounded by blues. I'm green team. The blues were swarming, man. It leads me to believe where the rest of the reds were. What was your strat?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
By the end, we did. We set up on that first platform. That was nice. Our dog was sneaking behind. Cheap shit. We had like a line. Hanging over the balcony. Cheap shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
I was having fun. You can't, but your gun has that big fucking sensor on it. So you can't hang the gun over the target shot. James never discloses.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yeah. Well, there you have it. I've been all fucking tactical and shit. I love killing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
That's why it felt so good when they were like, red team won. It was that close, bro. We won by 400 points. Ask Bubbles, dude. We won by 400 points. Dude, that's nothing, bro, in a game. That was all your charge-ups and power-ups. That's true, bro. Can we please talk about it? We can look at the scores. Alright, check it out. Premier Woman did get dead last, but I was not that far above her.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Yeah, bro. Yeah, I don't know. I do know that when I was playing against her, I hit her like 40 fucking times.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
What else? What else did everybody get? Be honest. She said there was somebody who was just on her bumper shooting her the whole time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Terminator 2. Sarah O'Connor. Yeah, you're killing it. Dude, Arnold Schwarzenegger's son in White Lotus.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
unbelievable yeah he's really funny out of nowhere i don't know why if this was like unscripted but they're like on a yacht and they're about to approach these girls and out of nowhere he goes swastika and just for no reason as they're walking i was in bed holding my stomach laughing really i don't remember that part right on the yacht listen he goes back and they're about to watch it go over to the girls and go swastika and just it was like what the fuck
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
So funny seeing you yell ad lib. Yeah, I'm interested to see where that goes. It's going to be fun. So good. The girls turning on each other. Wonderful. Yep. Finding out one of them's a Republican, the other two being like, it's so awesome. Yeah, dude, we think we did it. We got time for one more. We'll do the ads in the parking lot. No problem. What are the ads? Yeah. Yeah. MattMcCuster.com.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Please come to the shows. We'll be in Omaha. That's a big one. Please come. Manchester, England next week. Come on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
You know exactly the smell, the snores. Guys are going to be taking naps.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
There he is. Hold on. James is on the call. James, you thin team, fat team. Which team? Oh, fat team. Actually, it's a fat room. I don't know. That shirt's looking straight down, bro. Whoa. Is that the definition?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
He's slouched. Oh, it's not bad. This is not bad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
But James has lost enough weight. James has been losing, man. In this group, he's right there. That is true.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
You might be thin-teamed here. I think you're thin-teamed. It would be the honor of my life if I made it to the thin-team.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
No offense. You are down right now, PG. You're down on a weight loss journey.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Like two years. Yeah. Lamise, what's the highest you touched?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
You guys are some fucking A2, A2 Lancaster cows. This is crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
That would be, that is nice. That is the dream. Move to like truly the middle of America and just get as big as you can. That'd be awesome. I'm not kidding. I'm on my way. So nice. And your president wins. You're as fat as you can possibly get. I knew I was right about everything. Oh, man. This is exciting stuff. Do we have anybody else here? There's no con men out there. This is somewhere.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Other than that, I don't know. We got Ahsan. Ahsan's team's skinny, although I don't know where his loyalties lie. Yeah. True. Yeah. Something about him. I don't know if I trust him in there. We're going to have to send waves at each other.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
clear out some mines i'm gonna see if we can get a school bus in here for a time oh man sorry that's terrible i got a feeling i'm gonna be really bad at this you might i'm not gonna try there's a couple tactical perches if you grab it it's tough to get you out of there yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Because they're secret things you can shoot and they give you power-ups. I don't really fuck with that. I heard that, but it's like I got too many ops out there to be fucking with the power-ups. We're going to have to divide these teams. I know. We can't do fat and skinnies. We're going to have to do... We'll just do the fattest...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
darkest complexion to lightest oh i like that we'll do shirts and skins 100 i do have some level of shame oh man um yeah we'll have to figure we'll have to go we'll have to assemble the troops and just look at you know give everyone a good up down
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
see what's going on it's about you has anyone here got flat feet i'm sure you're out you can't do it chris is colorblind he's out oh yeah shit i'm gay i'm out not allowed to talk about it where's chris he's out playing video games he's preparing probably the arcade probably fucking time crisis right now getting ready That's cheating. Yeah, it's fucking bullshit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
They can't play until we get ready. That'll be bullshit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Guitar Hero is kind of nice. That's all you need. And they have the basketball. Basketball hoop. Football toss. Ski ball. But yeah, they have a couple of things. Oh, man. Sounds like a woman. That's my wife. My wife found out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
All right. Oh, all right. Here we go. Hey, we're podcasting, man. We're in a good place right now, dude. Come on. Dude, we're podcasting for real.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
It was just a funny joke. Hang tight. Hang tight. You can play a game. Wait till we cast. You can blaze. All right, later. Love you. Love you, babe. Love you so much. She's just off a period right now. It's going to be so sick tonight. Dude, this cracked me up the other day. We were at home, and she was washing Maya and Chloe's hair. She was washing Chloe's hair. Maybe Maya's.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Chloe wanted to watch TV, and she was like, I want to watch Gabby's Dollhouse. And she clapped with every word. And I was like, dude, you see that? And Brittany was like, yeah, she's black. And Chloe looked at Brittany and went, I'm not black. You're black. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Just for a two-year-old to be like, you're fucking black. I'm not black. Fuck. She's so mad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
just friendly fire we might send blade we might send spider in his little suicide bomb you guys are gonna shoot him a lot but he's getting a fire i see him pre-loaded on the cheetos he's got the cheetos we're just gonna fucking go all the way did you eat a burrito before you came Thank God.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
She doesn't know what it means. My sister's kids have struggled with this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
yeah true how come she's not black yet that's so sick just waiting like i can't wait to my sister yeah my sister's gonna be black soon it's gonna be sick the rest of us turn black around two three that's when i first remember being black oh man god damn that's blazer tag pizza is calling my they're gonna be
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
yeah people were tearing them up they're gonna be i'm gonna fucking rip it apart oh yeah i'm so hungry bro i've been to a lot of kids here's the thing bro i've been to a lot of kids parties and i've been eating like just play place pizza and it's it does fucking slap it hit your you eat a first slice and you're like all right yeah yeah this fucking rules oh man i haven't done this since i was 12 so laser tag yeah i'm psyched
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Dude, this is... It's been probably a decade for me. Last time I was here, my dad's cum was all over his pants. I literally thought about it as soon as I put these pants on. I was like, ooh. I was driving over.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
And like a month later, he was like, I have cancer. I was like, sorry, I was making fun of you. But that's the perfect excuse. It was just whiz. It was whiz. Dude, you're struggling. Wait, so whiz and cum shows up in the blackboard? It looked like it was a whiz. I mean, the boy probably wasn't washing the trousers very often. Oh, yeah. That was probably like three months worth of elk's lodge piss.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
Bro, if he was just coming like that, I want prostate cancer. True. I'm just glazing. Honestly, he's probably got it. I mean, I should knock on wood.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 550 - Blazer Tag
That's great, man. Load max of prostate cancer? God, I can't wait. I fucking can't wait, dude. You want to get in there? Yeah, let's tag. Let's tag. Let's tag and see what happens. Yeah, for sure. Come back, sweaty. Right back, right back. We'll be right back. Hello to the audio listener. I just wanted to let you know that these sounds are from a video, a GoPro video of the Blazortag match.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
But yeah, I'm like pulling up, and I already struck. He was just sitting there with his family, and he was like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
he was with her family yeah just all right i'm gonna head out for a minute i gotta he got the itch and he was like i ended up being late like it was like they were down there like to visit she's just jacked off in the car bro which would have been crazy that would have been psychotic that's i mean dude hitting being like yo if you guys will excuse me
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
smelling totally different you just reek of dollar store yeah you mean while you're drenched drenched and just fucking totally relieved yo i hugged a guy this weekend i was drenched did you really yeah why was he drenched i don't know he was oh because it was raining it was raining at the super bowl before we got in the guy came just came in from outside and i was standing like he's a big fan i was like god damn dude you're fucking soaked
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
By the way, I don't even buy the belts. I go to, well, sometimes when I'm on the road, I will have, I have to buy a belt. I usually just go home and steal Phil's belts. Do you? Every time I'm home, I steal Phil's belts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I need a belt on stage because I'm already doing, like, the fat shirt tug. Ah, yeah. You toss in adjusting pants on top of the fat shirt tug. Yeah. It's a very active scene. You know what I mean? The guy's constantly... I was hands in pocket all weekend.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
He's going to come around and knock in a second and say, yeah, that thing's leaking like crazy. I'm going to go, oh, great. Thing's leaking like a sieve.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I mean, I actually knew all along. Because I'll try to heat it and it barely heats. Yeah. And that thing like backfires. You can hear it like a car. Dude, I'm telling you, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Isn't that the only thing he has to declare? Wasn't that him? What? When he got to America, the idea of anything to declare. It was like my genius. Probably.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Okay. Yeah, for the record, that was Oscar Wilde, not James Joyce.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Great whites are so spooky. Dude. I was like, Lemaire, there's no shark. I Googled. I'm like, great whites. I saw a video of a giant hammerhead. What? It's like a different type of hammerhead. They're fucking massive.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, I don't want to get confused with Joseph Campbell's interpretation. It is type of interpretations.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I know. It is a very dumb head, but it's certainly that can bite you. Yes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
That's so close. That's such a short amount of time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
You sit down two minutes later. My personal experience on it. It's crazy. Love it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
You know what I was thinking when we were going through the lawyer thing? Yeah. Is that like what marriage feels like?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
It was just like a, it was like, we've, you know, we've been friends for a while now, you know, let's make it legal. True. We're legally bonded.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
yeah let's fucking lay some fucking ground let's work on a bad faith lever here what you want to do is yours mine and ours like let's talk about what's yours let's talk about what's mine let's talk about what's ours that's definitely want to do a prenup um guys introduction and personal no that's a good one that's a great it's a good segue to the next thing host tell a story of a previous valentine's day date night and struggles to find a tailored fit that leaves a little more room for that steak dinner uh
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah. One time I went for a steak dinner and I struggled to find a tailored fit. For sure, man. And then I went to a steak dinner and I found a true classic and I said, I'm going to wear this to the steak dinner.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
And the true classic tee was, it was good because it accentuated my arms and chest. Oh, dude. My girlfriend was like, yo, your tits look fucking crazy tonight. Your tits look banging. Yeah. Your tits look crazy here. Yeah, she was dying to cup them, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I'm going to go up on you. We were at Valentine's Day dinner. She said, is that a curved hem crew? It accentuates your massive melons. I'm going to go up on you after the steak dinner. Best-selling t-shirts, hoodies, jeans, and more are available in three, six, and nine packs. The more you bundle, the more you save. Oh, my God.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Our shirts are designed to highlight your best features with a perfect fit. Snug in the arms and chest with just the right amount of room in the midsection. Mix and match your clothing to fit your lifestyle. Enjoy free shipping on all orders and 100% perfect fit guarantee with easy returns. True Classic is trusted by over 4 million customers and has 200,000-plus five-star reviews. That's nuts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Oh, man. This is good. We did it today. If we did it yesterday, I would have been asleep. Dude, I was sleepy, too, man. That was an insane weekend.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Tit grab during a BJ? Now you're talking my language. Level up your date night everyday style. Fuck. Level up your date night or everyday style with clothes that actually fit right. Just go to our exclusive link at trueclassic.com slash mssp to save. That's trueclassic.com slash mssp. Shop now and elevate your wardrobe today.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I should include in the disclaimer here, your tits may not look fucking sick in these. We're not sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Personally, I've experienced prize picks and I enjoy it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, Friday, Saturday. Dude, the one time I went with Bert two years ago, we got there on a Monday. We stayed for a week. Oh, you did? I remember that. We did shows during the week. Yeah, you guys did? That was a week. Weren't you guys staying at a bop house the day before? We were staying at a full-on bop house. With nothing but cameras. Just Bert and his team and cameras.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Tillich's dimension of depth of course that's how I've been feeling you're in Tillich's dimension of depth that's how that's how I've been feeling lately so that's been a nice feeling to kind of leave I had a feeling have you been caught whacking off lately I know you've been timeless I know you've just been an ageless wanderer but have you been caught jacking off in a bathroom I mean dude like HCE yes I was caught fucking I was tempted
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I wish I could tell you. I almost didn't get caught. I had to scamper. Did you really? But she didn't hear the scamper. I survived. Oh, you got... I scampered to the lav. I heard the door open. Scampered. So you got the entrance. I got the skedaddle. I heard the door open. And I skedaddled on back to the lavatory. Bro, that's not like we've been training for that our whole fucking lives, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
And every day I'd be like, Shane, we're going to go do activities.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
This trip was, it was just the Okama and Tommy down there partying it up. It's good to see the boys get loose.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah. It's sick. Trump and T-Swift. Yeah, dude. Fucking... Her getting booed? I know. That was... I'll be honest. I was in the Eagles section for that. That was a fun boo. That was a... She's wearing a cheap skier. These are Eagles fans. Yeah, because... You know what I mean?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
And I thought it was very funny while it was happening. And then I saw like a quote from Travis Kelsey that was like, that sucked. I felt terrible. While I was on the sideline, everyone was just booing my girlfriend. And it was like, yeah, I guess that's really terrible. That'd be sad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Damn. But that was, yeah, so it probably started last April. I was just hoping you'd say 420. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
No, this has lasted longer than the Will Smith slap.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, she was a Chiefs fan. It was all Eagles fans. It's so funny. At the beginning of the game. Of course, everyone's going to be like, ah, fuck you, bitch. Yeah, and there was also, like, she was... People were like, she's ruining football. Before she was on, they were literally showing a Chiefs fan, showing an Eagles fan. Boo. Boo any time it was a Chiefs fan.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
It felt like there was more Eagles fans. And there's one thing I noticed. The Chiefs fans are like all old, fat white guys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
They're all just chubby white guys from fucking Kansas and Missouri. Yeah. This is the third one in a row they've been to. Yeah. They didn't like... They didn't care as much. They didn't have the fire in their bellies. Eagles fans were all fucking trash gremlins that were there. Needed it. Yeah, birds. Everywhere you looked, it was Eagles fans.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
You're two-time. I mean, I guess they made it to the Super Bowl, so I guess they weren't relaxing too hard. It's pretty hard to do. That's true. They just got there and couldn't protect their quarterback.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, I mean, the Chiefs also throw the ball every fucking down. So your defensive line knows they can pass rush every play. And then when you get... When they're down 17, it's like they're going to be throwing the wall. Yeah, fuck. Just send... Just send four.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Poor Reed, though. I went to the after party. Did you really? I got to hold the trophy. It was crazy. Did you raise it? No, I was just like... Yeah, I didn't really take it in. I was just like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's lighter than I thought it'd be. I felt like a real imposter. Why? I don't know. What the fuck am I doing holding those Super Bowl trophies?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Everywhere I go, I feel like a fucking imposter. And that was crazy. Yeah, that is fucking nuts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I left before I think things got real crazy. Dude, and that coach, where did he coach before, the guy for the Eagles? Sirianni, I think it was with the Colts. I think it was like an offensive coordinator, I think. And how long has he been there for the Eagles? This is year three.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah. Shit. They're going to have to stop talking shit. Yeah, dude. Reed? Yeah. He was an IUP guy. He coached at Indiana. Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah, I think there's like three guys on the staff that were from IUP. That's crazy. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I think he's dressed like a 70s porn star every time. I could be wrong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I was like, bro, that's all they want. Because, bro, a week fucking... Last season ended in complete disaster. They were 10-1 and then lost every game. Yeah. And then this year, they started out 2-2 with some bad fucking losses. And people were starting to really get on them and be like, we're going to have to fire them. So for the next four weeks, maybe five...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Everyone was just waiting for him to lose one game, and he would probably have been close.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
a super very good team and went straight to the super bowl his first year and when coaches do that they usually don't get credit for that i got you that makes sense so he had had a somewhat of a building year the year after that and then the year after was like all right let's see what he does and they fucking exploded yeah terrible yeah so then yeah he was on the hot seat a little then he he's good he's the bro do you think there's a chance they'll go they're the new chiefs that they'll go back and try to get it again i'm
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I do. Yeah. I think there's a strong chance. They get a lot of guys back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
They're going to lose some key defensive pieces. Okay. But maybe they won't lose them. They're just up for free agency. Okay. Contracts, I think, should be all right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I was jealous. I was jealous. I mean, even being at the Super Bowl was obviously where you want to be, but Philly would have been fun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
It's like, dude, don't do it, dude. I'm going to go viral committing a crime. It's going to be my face. I'm going to share it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, he goes away for a while. Yeah, I beat you. Most of the time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
No rematch. I called it no rematch. Yeah, I don't know. That's kind of like if you want to be the best ever, if you're fucking. Yeah. If you're one thing is beating a guy in a rap battle and then going, I'm done.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Impoverished gladiators. I'm sure they're going to tell the story on Stuff Island, but it was... So we did Bert's show on Saturday night. And that's when the O'Connor man got in. And he got in. He was a little banged up. I think his flight got delayed. I think he wanted to catch up on the way. I got you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I was watching videos of, I never got to see the halftime performance.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I was making my way up to Trump Dog Suite. That's so sick. But I didn't get to see the performance. We just watched it right now. And I was like, I was only seeing videos online of old guys that were watching the Super Bowl getting filmed by their grandkids that were like, what the hell is he saying? What the hell is going on? And I watched that thing. I was like, I haven't understood one word.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I've had this theory since the old test. Yeah, true.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
this has been my working theory and now i'm just sitting back and watching it play it's your theory of relativity it is dude you can't be it dude and it's like i'm watching it i'm like yeah dude it's losing like it's not it's uh it's not like the stuff of like a charged counterculture it's been fever pitch and then since then it's been kind of like yeah we're still doing this yeah but no that's that was that was the sense i got off that i'm like oh this is like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
He went first. There's a lot more coming, dude. I know, dude. No shortage of... I kind of like a lot of it, though. The Indian bros. The Indian bros?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
this country do you hear what he said when he was signing it what he's like and i think the sharks are gonna be okay is they're eating everything in the ocean all right all right man hilarious that is sick to be like sharks can bite anything he's like sharks can bite anything we're gonna sign that what's next i had lamar lamar went in the ocean for the first time this weekend we're in dania beach florida yeah wasn't he at the beach at skank fest he's never gone on the ocean or no the florida comedy festival
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I'm like, that's a pretty cool religion, dude. I mean, it's not just all about you guys. How come we're the only ones that get fucking crushed for shit like that? I don't know, dude. Like, if an Indian guy came up and was like, tell me about Jesus Christ. I'd be like, bro. I'd be more than happy. What do you want to know?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
So he shows up. But I didn't know he was hammered. So we're sitting there and then Tyreek Hill walks in and he's standing right next to us. And he has his people with him. But Chris was against the wall. Tyreek Hill's right here. We're in the tunnel at the arena. And I just I'm standing next to Chris on the wall. And Chris just reaches through Tyreek Hill's people and grabs his arm.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I think when you grow up with it, it's just like every eight or nine weeks, you and all your bros have to get sticks and swords and fight the Muslim guys with sticks and swords in the street. And then you call it a day and they go, all right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Have you ever seen their fucking stick and sword fights? They all have Ninja Turtle weapons and they just fucking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
They have the stick fight. God, that's the funniest thing in the world. I'm sucking hitting the fucking face with a stick during the fight.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
That is kind of... I think there's also... It's kind of wimpy on some level. White people have been dying to be allowed to be racist. True, true. That is like a Diet Coke kind of racism. Yeah, they go, what about Indian people? And everyone goes, are we allowed to?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
It's a dangerous world. It is. If you get into that fucking political clickbait shit. Oh, yeah. They're going to get you, left or right. It's true. They're going to get you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
And they turn around like, what the fuck? And I was like, no, he's my friend because I just met him. And I was like, he's good. He's my buddy. And then they walk away. And I was like, Chris, what the fuck was that? And he was like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so stupid. As soon as he did that, I was like, oh, you're fucking blacked out, dude. What the fuck are you doing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
But, no, you're not wrong about that. Indian waistline is the ribs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Because those boys had some pretty high pants over in Deutschland. Kanye pulled his pants up. Kanye pulled his pants up to the moon. Kanye's pants are in the fucking stratosphere. Kanye pulled his pants up too much. Kanye, you got to fucking pull your pants down a little.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
All caps. Sometimes you need to slap a bitch or something like that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I could be securing a bag that no one on earth can see. That's what I'm saying.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
You know you're in a sleeper cell. He was a full sleeper cell. I had no idea because I wasn't really talking to him. I was about to go on stage. Then I was like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? You don't just grab people's arms.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Shit, I still have seven in my shopping cart. I was getting one for everyone I know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, I want to get my mom a swastika t-shirt.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
It's going to be tough to make music with that lingering.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Maybe they unfroze all his fucking accounts. True. Gotcha.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Then I go on stage and apparently while I was on stage, Julian Edelman walks by and Chris goes, can I give you a hug? And he was like, why? And then walked away and Chris was like, oh, So then he's coming back through the tunnel.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
The funny thing is, he was like, he did all that, got everything frozen. And he was like, all right, I'm good. I'm good. Sorry about that. They go, all right, here's all your money back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
But that's also the green light to just also pop off on the internet for the most part. Yeah. True. I don't know. It's wild. It is a wild dude. It's a tough one to comprehend.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Or maybe it's the most simple thing ever to comprehend. As soon as a guy says he loves Hitler, you go, shut up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Hitler was gay. Yeah, true. No one's taking that angle.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
yeah it's just that's the thing i'm gonna yeah i guess that's kind of what i'm saying it's like like when i was listening to that hitler book every fucking day yeah listen to it you go this guy sucked dick yeah like there's this whole like thing online where they're like he was actually cool as fuck i don't know if you really look into it it's like he sucked yeah he was really look into it he was truly a baby he was yeah big time baby
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Certainly was. He hexed himself. Certainly was bad luck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I mean, I get it. He doesn't even know the guy. I know. And some guy is standing drunk in the tunnels like, can I give you a hug, man? And then I realized I've hugged every single person that's ever asked for a fucking hug. I'd be like, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, he was like, why should I? Why would I hug you? And then Edelman's coming back in the tunnel and apparently Chris went for a super low five. He was walking by and Chris was like... And they said Edelman just was like... No. The fuck? And I was like, dude, of course he did that. I would have thought someone was just purely fucking with me. Like a low five?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I wouldn't have even thought he was giving me a high five.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
If I was walking by and somebody was like... Yeah. What are you doing? What is this, man?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Wanting the hug is nuts. And I was like, what the fuck are you asking for a hug for? And he was like, it's Julian Edelman. I love Julian Edelman.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Give me the lowest five. That was the O'Connor. And then he carried that shame all weekend. And he was just constantly just, oh. That's so funny. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah. The Okan man took that one very personally. I think he punched a wall later. It was quality footage. Somebody just sent me a video of him, like, outside punching a gate. And I was like, oh, man. The Okan man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I kept getting caught with the beer. That was the bills. That was Gabe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
yeah it is it is wild it's just so many celebs true celebs and you're hammered and you're like holy fuck there he is i gotta go say it it's time this is my one chance man come on i didn't even i just like saw him and reacted to like something that was bubbling like beneath my brain it's like dude you're our only hope you're the chosen one take us to the promised land
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
No idea what I was talking about. Yeah, I mean, that's exactly what happened to the O'Connor. He saw Julian Edelman and was just like, Julian, can I get a hug from you right now? No.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I mean... I just... I didn't... He was a full sleeper, so I had no idea. He was among us.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I was like, what the fuck happened? He was like, my flight got delayed. I had a couple of whiskeys. I was like... Well, it's a long night. It's fucking 7.30. That's how early it was? It was early, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I don't know. He's good at Irish accenting. He can hit a good Irish goodbye. Like, out of nowhere, you'll just be like, where's O'Connor? And somebody will be like, he got in a car. Yeah. He just stumbled out. He'll also walk. He'll go on a journey. He'll walk, too. He'll start running. He'll hit a fucking long walk. He used to sprint. I forgot about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
But he didn't get in the water. He stays away from the water.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
He was listening to Bob Seger. Yeah. Every single time. He went on a Bob Seger phase for like three years where he would listen to Like A Rock. He would get hammered and listen to it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Damn, dude, that's night one. Night one, yeah. And then... That night after Bert's show, me and Zach Bryan did a show at a bar, which was very funny because Zach was like, all right, I'll go first. Then you go on and do some stand-up. And I was like, bro, that would be the worst possible show. Yeah, me first. Of all time. Comedy cannot follow music ever. Never. And he was like, all right, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
He's like, it's up to you. He's like, that's fine. That'll work. So we go in. It's just a packed show. college, like just young kids packed standing room. Only the stage is like a rug on the floor. There's no stage. And it was, it was like, I went on fair to Midland. Yeah. Fair to very fair to Midland. I was excited to be like, that's it for me, Zach. Right. And then he, he murdered.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
And while he was killing, I was like, This is crazy. You thought I was going to follow that with like a jacking off story? Yeah. Yeah, that's impossible. At the end, it was a small bar. And then in the backyard, there was like a construction area, like in a muddy alley, which is where we went after this, just hung out back there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
But from the exit of the bar to the back alley, there was like a pretty big drop into this construction area. And I literally got to the door. There were people behind me. And I was like, watch out. There's a very big drop here. And I just stepped out and rolled my ankle. Oh, my God. I literally looked at what was going to happen. I was like, watch out, guys. You could get hurt on this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Thank God I didn't fall down. I was so close. I really fucked my ankle up on that. Yeah, dude. How deep? What was you talking like 12 inches? There were just trenches everywhere back there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Oh, yeah. Like, yeah, that's tough. There was nothing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
We were there for the national championship. That's what it was. Gotcha.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
So I'm sure they've recovered. Isn't that a Juvenile song? Bounce Back? Bounce Back. I'm about to bounce back. I think. Trust me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
Yeah, there's a bounce-back juvenile. Sick. Nice. Thank God I got that. We have a visitor. That was a weird knock. It was kind of a friendly knock. Who's that rapping? Who's rapping upon my door? Be careful, Sean. Oh, it's Texas Gas Service. Let's see how Guard Dog handles this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
And we're back. Just a minor gas leak in my house.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 545 - Thunder Fish
I'm going to go get some books. I'm about to read for the next. I'm going to read for 15 minutes, and then I'm going to just wait here. So I'm sitting there. I'm going to come back wet from a shower. My hair is all wet. Fucking bookstore had a shower. You wouldn't believe it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Then you take them off when you get to the... Yeah, sneakers on the beach.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It ain't turban. It ain't turban. I think you're not allowed to eat or drink while the sun's up. Really? I know. They wake up early in the morning. They wake up before the sun comes up. Yeah. And then you eat a big breakfast. Yeah. But then, yeah, you're not allowed to drink.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You got bigger fish to fry, dude. You're hungry as fuck. You're hungry as fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I supported you during your juice fast. Can you imagine if a woman did this? I was trying to talk to her about it. You can't.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
They will kill you. They would for real. Howard too. I know. We don't have anything to eat in the house because of you, you motherfucker.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, I'm sorry. I ate that, man. My bad. On day five. And it sounds like you didn't waver. I would have wavered. I would have wavered pretty quick. Dude, I was making breakfast for the family in the morning.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
When you were making breakfast, you kind of like, God damn, I'm in complete control.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
A little bit of the batter gets on your finger. That doesn't count.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You can have seven pancakes. It doesn't count.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I throw a ball around. You're good at the beach.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Oh, no. You can't be hungry. I spun it, though. I was like, dude, I was just trying to be polite.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You're not allowed to eat the pussy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's really funny. You too? Come on, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I'll die on every single fucking hill. Any hill. Name a hill. I've seen him die on the sand hill before. This is the second sand-related hellish argument.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You need to stop anyway, dude. I'm fed up, dude. I'm sick of it, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Did he? With the... He was a Jewish doctor. There was a clip during that time. He's wearing like a ski mask and a bubble vest. Just like, I don't know. I might be autistic. Yeah, bro. Or you got dinged up in that car accident. His head. Yeah, true. I think it's his head from the car accident.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Kind of got a little rowdy ever since then. That makes sense. But that was right when he got famous too. Yeah, it's hard to say. But it is a nice move. Fame and a wild traumatic brain injury will... That'll lead you to Hitler.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Eventually you go, oh, fucking Hitler.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Bryce Mitchell. Yeah, I saw Bryce Mitchell.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, I saw it. It was great. He was like, he's the dumbest guy I've ever talked to. It's actually a nice fucking, that's a good thing to have your boss go out and be like, look, he's a fucking moron. I'm not going to fire him. He's a dumbass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, I mean, that clip started with these, because I've done my own research, not what the government indoctrinated me with. It just happened to Dan Bilzerian, didn't it? Bilzerian's been on it. He's been on that? Israel-Palestine kicked it off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
He's been real. Israel-Palestine took a nasty little turn for me last night. What happened? I was watching the Netanyahu-Trump press conference live.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You better get your boy in check, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
No, you're here. Starting to fast on Sundays. That's me. I've had enough. We're talking about your homeland. Fast is off. We're talking about your homeland. Fair. That's fair. That's fair. That is my leader, Netanyahu, like it or not. No, your boy Donnie T got a little... He said we're gonna just take over Gaza. He was like, America's just gonna take over Gaza, and we're gonna make it really nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
We cannot talk sand. A con man has an intense relationship with sand.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
We're gonna make it the Riviera of the Mediterranean.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
No, I watched him say it. Really? Yeah, he was like, we're just gonna take over Gaza. And it's gonna be nice. And they're like, what about all the people there? He's like, they're not gonna be there. We're gonna make them go to Jordan and Egypt, and then they can come back. It'll be nice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I agree. That's pretty dastardly. What the fuck is he talking about? No water socks. No. This is American territory now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I think they swim in full fucking white pajamas. I think so. Oh, they might. Yeah. I think so.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I'm not saying they're an asshole. I'm saying they're weird. I'm saying sometimes... If they're what?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's like he was, he did it. He just has the most basic ideas that technically he's like, we can't go back to what we're doing because it's not going to work. If we just go with the two state solution right now, it's going to be a war again. Yeah. And then, I mean, I don't know. One cool, but it was, it was bad. Yeah. I wish he didn't say that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I don't think there's a politician in America that's not. Yeah. Other than, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Bernie's obviously it. He's conflicted. Yeah, there's Omar Ilyan, whatever that lady's name is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That is my opinion. Let's stay out of this. It's none of my business.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You don't know that yet. I know. If Trump turns that thing around. Yeah. Sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Now this is all making sense. This is a really small area and it could get it done. Yeah. But, you know, it would. Where are they going to go, though? You have to displace two million people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
They killed a lot. Yeah, the whole thing's fucked.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Donkey Kong roller coasters? Shit. Minecart roller coasters? Yeah, I thought of that. Subterranean log flume?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Well, shit, what the fuck is that? Fuck! You might hit some Jewish tunnels as well. True.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
No matter how you slice it. Cartels, super Jews, and Muslims. Sometimes there's cool ones. Like French resistance. Occupied Germany. For the most part, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
There's a lot of drama on the surface. If your drama is so intense that you can't be on the surface of the earth... You're in trouble. The surface is too hot. We're going to have to go on the ground for a few years.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
He said it's been real oppy outside. He said he checked the weather. It's getting real oppy outside in Gaza.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But... Yeah, I don't think we were bombing civilians at such a high rate. Yeah, true. Well, yeah, hopefully we're at least trying not to do that, but... Yeah, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I know. He was like, I mean, I don't want to be, I don't want to say the wrong thing, but it's going to be so nice. He was like, of course the people, but also it's going to be so nice. Dude, I watched the whole thing. He's nuts. I mean, it's fun to watch if he's not talking about, you know, kind of a genocide.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
If he's not talking about ethnic cleansing, it's really fun. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I mean he might just be the ultimate optimist he's being really optimistic about it really rose tinted glasses like look guys I know this is sad you know you've seen the footage but yeah what was the plan for getting him out by boat he wouldn't really answer yeah he's because Jordan and Egypt both said they wouldn't take Palestinians and he was like I bet they will so that was his answer for that I mean that's a fair point yeah yeah yeah but dude they're gonna attack the park
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
They're going to attack the park.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
They're going to attack the cool park.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I'm not going to the Six Flags in Gaza. No. Getting attacked while you're on a roller coaster? Not for me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Just drunk, peeing in a lazy river. Yeah, no. Not happening.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
but yeah, it would take at least, yeah, it would take forever.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah. There's footage of that. Like of like when the Taliban came back, they got ahold of some, remember that they were riding like duck boats and ponds and shit. They're dancing. Yeah. Like a good time. AK 47s and duck boats. Yeah. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's a power vacuum, so somebody awful is going to get on this ride.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, but he was talking about sending our boys over there. Ah, no. Can't do it. No. What are we talking about? That's why the whole point of electing him was to not send our guys overseas. I know. That'd be some bull. Day fucking 20.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That was a take I heard on X. It's for real what he's talking about. He's like, it's the best piece of property in the world.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
the gaza strip i mean he could for real there is that's the other part like i was like i was watching it and i was like no don't say that you fucking idiot and then i went and floated in my pool i was like damn if he fucking gets peace in the middle east and a sick ass fucking just and a thing that america owned like he was like we're not gonna give it up with something we can
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It would just be a territory or something?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Well, no, that's for real what the plan is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But seeing Netanyahu sitting right next to him, like... That's a bad sign. It's definitely yours. It's definitely not absolutely ours.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, it's yours. Here's a video of you and a child we got at Epstein's house. Are you sure that's yours?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah. I think the Panamanians went in there and got a little rowdy on them. Yeah, I think so. And then we were like, thanks, fellas.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah. Were they mostly Panamanian? Were they Panamaniacs?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's the nice idea to be like, oh, we should give it to Panama. It's in their land or whatever. China just immediately took it over. As soon as we were like, Panama, you can have it. Contracts straight to China. What? Yeah, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Take that back. Give it back. We built it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Gulf of America, which didn't sound as embarrassing until he was like, Gaza's ours too. You go, bah. God damn it, dude. I thought you were just being funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Google Maps has to do it. Oh, Google did it. Google's going to do it. Yeah, true. It makes literally no difference at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I think he just signed probably on the desk where he... Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Only for sexual activities.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I've taken them. Got a giant rock-hard boner. Did you really? Yep.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, it was the hardest I've ever gotten.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Nice. It's time for my favorite part and yours of the show. Price picks. The big game is almost here, and it's now or never. Don't miss out on the last football game of the season with price picks, the best place to win cash. Right now, price picks is giving away free Patrick Mahomes pick. He only needs to throw one yard on Sunday to win your pick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Beezer's literally the only white guy I've ever seen. I bet. Unless you're a local. Actually, my cousin Frank did it. Yeah. He wore sneakers on the beach.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
If you're correct on at least one other stat projection, you can win real cash. It's that easy. Let me talk you through it. I just hop on the app, and I'll obviously pick the Mahomes free pick. Well, I ain't. And then we all know, I shared my secret, that I make the best picks, or I make my picks based on the best looking players.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, the aqua socks. That's a pretty big honky. Yeah. Aqua socks are definitely the honks. I don't think there's just honks. That is, for sure. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
So I'll tack on Saquon Barkley, because duh, those legs don't miss, to score one touchdown. And I'll add Jalen Hurts, the best looking quarterback with the shiniest chain in the league, to score one touchdown. Then submit my lineup, in your iconic Trump voice. Boom, done. Easy as that. Fly, Eagles, fly. Join me in the fun this Sunday.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
We're going to have big runs, big scores, and obviously big buckets of brewskis. You can't forget the brewskis. And hopefully a big win on PrizePix. Combine up to six picks. Picks are what the Chiefs will be throwing all day to create your lineup. You can win up to 1,000 times your money instantly. Real players, real sports, real cash.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
With over 10 million members and billions paid out in winnings, PrizePix has made daily fantasy sports accessible to all. It's the simplest way to win money in over 30 states, including California, Texas, and Georgia. What do you think of that, Chris?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I like sexualizing them. Download the PrizePix app today and use code DRENCH to get $50 instantly when you play $5. That's code DRENCH on PrizePix to get $50 instantly when you play $5. Win or lose, you get $50 just for playing guaranteed PrizePix. Run your game. Must be present in certain states. VincentProspects.com for instructions and details. Wow. Great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Manchester, England. St. Pete, Las Vegas, SeanGardini.com. Thank you. God bless you. That was unfortunate timing for the anti-DEI people. Oh, yeah. The helicopter pilot. Yeah, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, that's not it. Makes no sense. No, it definitely doesn't make sense.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I heard they went quiet for a while, yeah. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, that makes sense. They were talking to him, though. Yeah. I listened to the audio on Jones.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
They were just kind of like, hey, what are you doing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
What the fuck are you doing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, they're like, the plane has the right of way. You got to chill.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, I had to fly the next day. I had to fly the next day. We were on a plane just going. If it goes down like that, though, those people didn't feel a fucking thing. That was a missile. They passed out in the sky, for sure. That thing was going fucking nine million miles an hour. Oh yeah, I saw that. Who? Philly just got crashed. No, he didn't survive the crash. That was somebody who got hit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
If that guy survived that plane crash and walked out, that's a superhero, dude. Beast. You saw a superhero. Did you see how fast that thing went? Yeah, that was a bomb.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, it was scary getting on a plane. And it's crazy to be mad, dude. That's what I took to the bottle on the flight back. I bet. And it was a bad Monday. Really? Great Sunday on the flight back. At least you didn't crash. True. You get enough vodka up there, you go, I'll fucking die.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Half flapping off the foot. Wife beater's on still. Well, you gotta keep the beater on. No, you don't. It becomes see-through. It looks fucking crazy. It does. It just sees your wet nipples through the fucking... It's fucking weird. I got no defense for it. It just feels right. It's immediately see-through.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I told my lady about it, and she was like, oh, is this like when you saw the drone? I was like, you saw the drone with me. Are you telling me you were lying?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That's crazy. Yeah, I was fucked up. You saw the drone?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It was a real drone? Yeah. I even called Chris a week later to go, did you actually think it was a drone, or were you just being nice to me when I said it was a drone? He was like, what the fuck are you talking about? I was like, all right, just making sure you weren't just being nice. Because I've been running my mouth about this drone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I've been sitting out in that fucking pool every night going.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
No, these were very clearly bald eagles. Thank God there were tons of witnesses.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I can spot a turkey buzzard. Yeah. I can get those guys. I'd get tricked by the turkey buzzards all the time. Turkey vultures have those little tiny heads. It's pretty easy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
They're bigger than hawks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I'm good with hawks. I'm...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
They were in my backyard every day in Westchester. There's like four of them that were in these trees right behind me. There was a big-ass owl. What? That would hoot at night.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
No. Just, like, across a room? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, you can't hear his wings. Really? Yeah, it's pretty sick. There's an animal that lives on this roof that...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
occasionally just sprint sounds like it has two legs it sounds like a guy probably it is huge dude i had a raccoon on my roof it sounds like a person on your roof dude and then it'll just stand still for three days and then three days you've heard this fucking thing just sprints across the roof at nighttime or during the daytime or nighttime all time anytime bro okay he's got no he's got no clock
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You'd think it'd just be nighttime, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I know, I'd like to be able to see up there. I want to see that guy. I'm going to need to get a drone. His days are numbered. There's no way he can do the summer on the roof up there. He's sprinting up there. I think he just goes in that tree. Oh, yeah, true. It kind of touches the roof. True.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
He cools out up there. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You've heard them sprint. Big boy, yeah. He's fucking huge. His legs are going to come through the ceiling while he's there. He's going to be wearing shoes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I'll toss some dogs up there. Toss some hot dogs. Toss some dogs, dude. See how many animals I can get living up there. Just keep throwing food up there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Dude, we had something that was killing animals around this house. We would hear it all the time. You remember? Like, in the middle of the night, you're just like... That's raccoons.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I was just looking for a scout. Coons? I'll just brush them off the porch with a broom.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That's not me. That's Don Axe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
There's someone in the replay. Turns out Tom Hanks, not a pedophile. We're going not a pedophile.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
You guys swim like it's the 1920s. Everyone's in full suits.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
They're still in the film room on Big Mike right now. They're still analyzing tape. Going to New York. They're going to the headquarters.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That one actually could be.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
How much older? Wasn't it like his teacher?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
They hooked her up with a good picture.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
McCrone's wife is 71. Whoa. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, she's way older than him, dude. She was his fucking, like, teacher when he was real young. He was, like, 12. Very French. Very French. She was 39. He was 15. Whoa. I mean...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
He was a minor, and Macron has described it as a love often clandestine, often hidden, misunderstood by many before imposing itself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's not sexy, shut up. I hate fucking dudes being sexy. Fucking pisses me off every time. Imagine the likes of Paris.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I've seen it go the other way, but yes. I've seen it go the other way a lot of times.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
We were watching some Catch a Predator. We were watching Catch a Predator. With throwback actions.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Bro, one or two things happened. That's like saying you guys make it so we can't go to gas stations. We still go. It's just a risk. Why would we acid our own pools? There was a couple times where people were tossing it in. Some acid? Yeah, black people got in the pool and they're like, ah, ah, ah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
How did I get here? That is not my text message. That is not my beautiful text. I just remember one guy being crazy for the Nats. He was a Nationals baseball fan. His username was crazy for the Nats. And he's on there like, yeah, I'll fucking de-shape your pussy. Crazy for the Nats. It's almost more embarrassing than the text.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
No. Did you text this kid? Yeah. Yeah, I did. That is not my fucking screen name.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I don't know. They let Obama in. And he sucked. He seemed to have kept it of age.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I didn't know any people were talking about it. John Podesta is going down today. His aide. Good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I think that was a real one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I was listening to War Mode today about it. The what? They were fired off about it. Were they fired off about the Pizzagate? Yeah, yeah. They maintain Pizzagate's never been debunked. Well, the guy went in there with a gun, right? Yeah, and apparently he shot, I don't know. I don't know. I'm getting it from War Mode. Sure. His one shot went into the hard drive of the, I don't fucking know. Really?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
But I think that guy just got killed. Did he really? I think, yeah, some cops rolled up on him and they were like, oh, he's got a gun and executed him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It'd be like Ellen talking to Diddy, like, oh, when are we going to have another pizza party?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Although Sandler was on one of those clips I saw saying they have the best pizza parties. And it's like, bro, I know the Sandman's not involved. So they're just legit talking pizza parties.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That's not, that wasn't like a fucking common occurrence.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
They could trick cool guys. They could bring the Sandman in and go, we actually are having pizza parties. Talk about the pizza parties. True.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I don't know. I feel like you kind of age out. You'd have to arm yourself. I've never had a real good pizza party. If there's a pizza party, I'm leaving there just... That's a good pizza party. That's a terrible pizza party.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Sandman, I think, saw a clip of the Sandman. I think he was on Ellen talking about how good the pizza parties were. Crazy. Yeah, I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I don't know, man. And hot dogs. Hot dogs are sus. I know they're not eating dogs like that. Nah. I love you, Chicago. Obama?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I can't believe you tried to put not being able to swim on us.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
The hot babe is the nicest rumor.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
He got in front of black people like, come on, brothers. I know. Y'all ain't black if y'all ain't voting for Kamala.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Although you could, you could. You could with urban, like being forced into a city without pools. That's the one way you could do it. Yeah. I'll take it. That actually, I mean, you could if you wanted to find the root of all your problems with white people. You could. Yeah. There is an argument. But swimming, come on, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
That was right when it was coming. It was pretty clear that the black vote was starting to swing more towards Trump than it ever had.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I mean, or you could get in an Uber and talk to a black guy. Yeah, true. Every single black guy I knew.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's true. You can get ousted, bro. Republicans do a good job of that with men. Yeah. Because you vote for a fucking Democrat? What are you, gay pussy? It's true. I might perpetrate that sometimes. It's nice. I might be a perpetrator. You're a dude who voted Democrat? I've seen that. That's so embarrassing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
He might. You never know. Yeah. He might. He's going to be gazed up at the end of this run. Yeah. He might go out. How old is he now? He's like 80, bro. He's probably 79. He eats bad, too. He could go through an FDR phase. No, he's at least 70. In the wheelchair? I think he's 79. Is he 79?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
We're going to bring him in as our guest. It's a pizza party. We should stick a tripod up there. We do have to talk a lot of Hell Let Loose. Oh, yeah. We got to talk Hell Let Loose. Hell Let Loose is incredible. Join us on the Patreon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Oh, you're saying to the beach. I was just talking like pools. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's tough.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Matt, why don't you tell us what's going on with you? Because you got to be. You're talking about fasting? You can't wait to talk about it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's the cat who swallowed the canary. He's ready to talk.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Oh, my God. I would have never guessed that. Me either. You'd think they'd be able to...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Chris bought me with the if you can poop, you can fart idea.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's really just... Rats cannot fart. Yes, rats can fart.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
One year ago. Today I learned that rats can fart. Mice don't fart.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Why can't they fart? So rats can fart. Yes, rats can pass gas. In fact, rats produce the most intestinal gas when fed dried skim milk. What? Get some milk going out there. Let the boys turn your garden into a fucking fart den.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
When did you surprise go to the beach? It's not that I prefer it. When did you surprise go to the beach?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, that looks like a mouse to me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
If it was Jackson already, he was a farting dog.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
How much worse could he get?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
How come mice can't fart? Yeah, it's true.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
It's just got to be the way their bodies just can't. Mice can fart. What? What? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
The misconception that mice can't fart likely stems from the idea that they can't burp or vomit to release gas, which is true. This is also AI. AI is, who knows?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I think any other, it says like any mammal, they can pass. I think every mammal can fart.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I don't want to hear that shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I forgot. You've had a lifetime of torturing these fuckers.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
I just got to get this in before you guys attack me. I'm not yelling.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah. You'd have to kill him.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Fresh tomatoes are so good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 544 - Autophagy (feat. Chris O'Connor)
Yeah, man. What y'all fools up to? I'm just thinking about your fast. Oh, dude. I'd like to hear about it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, they're supporting us.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
100%.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
It's over.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
This is a quiet, slow blowjob.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
He's like, the fuck are you doing, man?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Interesting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Oh, God.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, exactly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Maybe eventually they'll take it down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Thank you, brother. Hell yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Carlo Gambino. Carlo Gambino's kid. That was the most Italian thing I've ever seen. DeFecchio's fucking sandwich shop. It's Italian autism.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
He's trying to go straight to the source.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
I knew him way back when he was famous. I can confirm that cock, dude. I saw it in high school, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Say it like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 539 - History Hyenas of the Future (feat. Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas)
Yeah, you had to be like, dude, his dick's huge.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild, wild,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
We talked about this. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to coulda, woulda, shoulda, but he could have just fell back and just been the greatest producer loved around the world. Yeah. But is he a billionaire? That's the one thing I can't wrap my head around. I'm like, you're a billionaire?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, but then he said he is again now. He's like, I'm back. He's like, I'm a billionaire again. Kind of awesome. So he's a billionaire. Wow. Sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
He's doing jujitsu and shit now. I'm telling you, I think that's like brand. You get guys to manage your brand for you. So that's like a full stylist, PR, brand management, total self-reinvention.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
That is nice. No, I just get my kids wake up at like 7 a.m. So it's either I get up before them or I get woken up to just like a kid through a monitor. Like, yeah, it's like for real. The worst fucking way to wake up because you have to get you have to get out of bed and like go to action right away. So if you get up before them, you like chill, relax. Yeah. Drink my coffee.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, I mean, it does suck to have – Zuckerberg's got to be, what, like a couple hundred billion or a hundred billion maybe? Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
185 billion dollars have 185 billion and then being like i have to be able to figure out cool it's like i've got to be an algorithm there's got to be it's an algorithm algorithm there's an algo and he's kind of hitting the years he's all dressed like a black guy yeah i figured that out in seventh grade and then in eighth grade you go it's not cool when i do it
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah. All right. Me and my cousin and my bro Phil would just get crushed. We'd show up at family parties and everyone would be like, what the fuck? My cousin Pat had a Wu-Tang charm. So tight, dude. So icy. I just had the Jesus piece. You had a Jesus piece in seventh grade? It was a little smaller. Maybe I just did a... Did I have the J? We all had charms at one point. Charms?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
That was the big one. You would go to fucking Sterling Silver or wherever in the mall, and we would cop our silver chain. I was three small loops, one long loop. My cousin was Cuban Lynx.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Cuban Lynx with the Wu-Tang charm was nasty. I got to remember what my charm was. I'm pretty sure it was just a cross if I know myself. Damn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
i never got a chain never had the chain i couldn't i never did it oh dude i was my friend got caught stealing one from the mall was the funniest fucking thing i've ever seen he switched his took a bigger one it was like it was in like seventh grade there was a silver chains that were like 132 dollars might as well have been a root like a six inch ruby yeah that's crazy i was like dude you're fucking going for it and he put it on walked out as soon as we stepped out a guy came out went on his shoulder me and my cousin were just like later
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
He had to sit in the mall security booth until his dad came into the mall to pick him up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I would have done anything to get out of that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I would have been full casting couch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I would have got onto the mall security. I would have been in dog. I would have initiated it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Nasty little power bottom. Getting caught stealing at the mall would have been the apocalypse.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I would have gotten in so much fucking trouble.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
And then it's like, you'll hear them wake up. You're like, sweet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I had the puka shells at the beach. I'd hit the boardwalk, try to get numbers. This is so sick, though. Puka shells, sunburned, beyond recognition. Yeah, the puka shells were sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, we would try to go get numbers from the babes at the beach. That would fall apart, and then we would just do horrendous, horrible pranks. The poop dollar was the worst.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I will say, sticking the dollar up between the boardwalk cracks, people would grab it and pull it down. Nothing better. Yeah, that's great. So funny. Wait, it'd be a poop dollar? No, you'd leave the poop dollar. You want them to pick that up, and they go, sweet, and they go...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
that's fun but you can also put you can also put a dollar between the cracks of the boardwalk technically the promenade I guess you can stick it through and people are like fuck yeah and they go they put their foot down on it and then they lift it up and it's gone it's so funny there's a bunch of 12 year olds laughing at you but you have every you have to take turns because you want to watch because boardwalk guy you couldn't see underneath so you get to watch your boy do it and it was the funniest shit so funny
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, you pop up. Because the only alternative is like, they're fine. And then you wait and wait and wait. And that can turn into just like the rest of their life, really, if you want to fucking tell them. Yeah, you can just leave.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, dude, for real. I literally, I'll second that. That's like my, that's why I love the beach so much. Yeah. My aunts and uncles would just go get after it all day. They'd be done by nine o'clock. They're just, just destroyed. They'd be in a room and we would just have a cooler that had beer sitting in it from noon at like 8 PM.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
And we would just devastate the, and they'd all wake up and be like, Were you guys drinking beer last night? I'm like, yeah. Well, you guys were. You fucking drunk. They would try to do, like, the math, and they were just like, there's no way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
But the one time we got caught was we were, like, hiding the beer cans under our bed for some reason, and my aunt just, like, set them out and just wrote a note that said, who drank me? We just saw them. Fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, I used to get so fucked up at the beach. It was so fun. That was like honestly one of my fondest memories of like when you're drinking beer and you're like you've been inside the house and you step out and it's like you smell that salt air and you're like kind of hammered.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Bro, it was the best. still is yeah true nothing beats it but as dude that's like a fucking 14 15 year old it is truly getting drunk with no hangover so sick zero hangover you just go out it'd be two in the morning the bars are let out we just walk past like drunk adults and be like pussy fuck you
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
no no you guys were talking about the reading squad never got to the beach we just would drink hurricanes at the park at 3 a.m it was that's probably it was actually the best yeah i had a hurricane phase dude three for five hurricanes was an unbeatable deal could beat it i would go i would i had a guitar case i would keep outside i'd walk from the bar back to my dorms they would just sell in west philly they would sell hurricanes to anybody yeah and i mean whatever else probably too and then like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I would come back, load up a guitar case with as many hurricanes as I could fit and just walk into my dorm like... So tight. I can never drink the third hurricane. I knew people I could drink all three, and I was like, dude, I got two, and I got half of that third one done. I was just like, I'm at capacity.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Four Locos were a bad time. Four Locos. I kind of missed Four Locos. I didn't really get hit by the Four Locos. I got hit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
i had sparks sparks were sick yeah sparks were nice but i never got the four locos i had nelly i was it juiced nelly threw his hat yeah nelly threw his hat in the ring of energy drink uh alcohol and i think it was j-o-o-s-e drank some juice one night blacked out i was down in like north carolina somewhere completely blacked out It was bad.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
A little boy named Sue. I made you stronger. I've been looking at schools. We finally found one. Dude, it's such a fucking insane process now to find, like, schools for kids. Yeah. We, like, looked at them. It's insane. We looked at a bunch of schools, and then what a lot of them do, I noticed, they, like, card out their eighth graders.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Fuck. Dang, bro. You were unk before you even knew it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
i really i bet he's gone he might be the new onk oh yeah 100 million's yours dude the root turned on onk big time yeah vicious article about and it was like mean it was like not even about his case they were like let's all talk about what everyone's thinking he's just dumb it's like damn it was mean like he's like let's all face it he's just a fucking dumb ass i know that wasn't a honky that wrote that one
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
It better not be, man. I don't think The Root would have allowed a honky to fucking rip it like that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I mean, it was funny. They're like, yeah, dude, he's a fucking... Let a honky rip it like that. I'm just going to say it. This guy's dumb as hell.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, they were just saying he should have signed NDAs. Why does he not have control of his sex tape? They're bringing up fair points, honestly. They're like, dude, he just got busted for this. But also, he's probably got crazy sex. A ton of them. There are dudes. There's a strain of dude that has to film every encounter.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I think that was just a smash.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Dude, I just invested in two bug tanks. I got two bug tanks from National Geographic. So they have a little magnifying glass on them. I got not one, but two. What type of bugs are you going to put in there? Right now, we've only gotten some roly polies. So you can throw them in there, create their natural habitat, and you can kind of like... I'd like to see what roly-polies are up to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Bro, I got... I catch like... Me and my daughters catch like four roly-polies a day and put them in my garden.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
It's awesome. I have so many roly-polies. So yeah, I got... The bug tank's nice, man. Because otherwise, you got to carry them in your... You ever try to carry a roly-poly in your hand for like... They fucking... They're escape artists. So, yeah, I got some bug tanks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
as like give you a look say this is what we do these kids out but then they come out they're like fucking robots dude these kids come out and they're like uh my passion is and it's like who's back there hitting you with fucking bamboo sticks when i was in eighth grade if they pull me out in front of parents like what do you like about school i've been like i don't know zero eye contact yeah like recess recess i don't know if i was math socks these kids are coming out like they're running for fucking president they're like well i'm actually going to a very real runs like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah. I think it's nice. I think it's a nice thing to do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Like how dumb your family is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
No tokens. I tried. You cannot use tokens.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Get in front of the camera.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, get in front of the camera.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
This weekend, this very weekend, Cobb's Comedy Club, San Francisco, California, 5-1 to 5-3. Crest Theater, Sacramento, California. Neptune Theater, Seattle, Washington. And the Hollywood Improv. Neptune's awesome. Neptune should be sick. You'll get some really good shows. I know. Final leg for the taping. Those are all great venues. I'm pumped, man. And also, I'll be doing a live taping at the...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Ontario, California improv coming up. I didn't list it yet. It's going to be great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Macchiato's hitting. Dang. I'm a big espresso guy now. Yeah. Sabrina. Shots of it. What'd you say? Sabrina Carpenter. Who's Sabrina Carpenter? It's just me, espresso. Dude, you know what I've been thinking about? Did you see the whole thing now about, I think it's kind of already out of the news cycle, but white rappers getting crushed for going country? Getting what?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Getting crushed for, like, people who were white rappers that now are doing country. Oh, like Post? Yeah, well, there's a couple others, not just him. Well, it's like there's Machine Gun Kelly, not country specifically, but him going to punk music, blah, blah, blah. They tried to get, uh... They were saying something about Post Malone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
But it's also, like, Beyonce's doing country. He's a fucking beast. Beyonce's doing country. Which is fine. I don't care. Why are you attacking my fucking... My people invented country. Fair enough.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
And it's also like, dude, I'm all about the bag, dude. They're getting the bag.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, but it's fully rapping.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
My thing is like, okay, what about the bag, dude? It's the bag.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
That was, dude, Jim Jones had the best take on the whole, whatchamacallit, Drake suing UMG. Yeah. They're like, the only thing that's bad for hip hop, and Jim Jones was on someone's podcast, and he was like, bro, he's getting the bag. I was like, yeah, I'm kind of with that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
And it works. You might have wrote that article at the root.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
It helps. My ex is for real. I open it, and it's like, holy fuck. It's like, can we all agree that they're just not good? And I'm like, yeah, yo.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
It's got to be a business model thing. It's just a business model thing, though. It is. It's the algorithm. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Well, that's shit about how they claim that they can literally watch your micro-expressions as you read stuff, and they'll go, yep, and they'll keep feeding you shit like that. Watch me go.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I read a thing years ago, and they said they were watching your face through your camera and gauging how long you're staying on a thing, all that stuff. God. If you got the wearables, they can literally track your biometrics and be like, it's working on you. Yeah. It's not working on me, dude. Why do they keep sending it to me? Why do they keep sending me these fucking hot ladies?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, they notice, too, because they go, it's like, scroll, stack up for a second, down, back up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I cast a wide net. Yeah, I have a rule of thumb. I feel like if you're with... I feel like if you're with a babe and she can gain weight, but the freak has to increase with the weight. So the bigger they get, the bigger of a freak they have to become. That's my rule of thumb. That's totally fair. You can get as big as you want, but you've got to become. You're talking about pig wife.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, the bigger you get. A true pig wife. Exactly. Yes. For every pound, for every 10, let's say every 10 pounds has got to be a new thing you unlock that you do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Just to come out and be like, I'm very deeply, I'm actually working with my community right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I bet she's a... You gotta dial up the freak. She must be a pig wife. I'm not trying to be a dick. That is just my rule of thumb. People can do whatever they want. You are free to gain as much as you please. Every 10, 20 pounds. It'd be like an RPG. You've got to unlock a new thing. Oh, yeah. It's like, well.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I'm doing it for us. But that would be, I mean, imagine that. For every 20 LBs, it's just like a new act where you're like, whoa. Damn, I'd be a freak bitch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I'm a freak bull. True, man. You'd just be at one point and be like, I just got to hit a ditty party, bro. I have not been going to the gym. I just got to go deep now. I'd be willing to see what my – there's got to be like the X and Y axis. Yeah. I wonder where you would tap out at.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
When the weight goes up, the X, you go further out, the X axis.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Give me your arm. The crane comes in, you're just like, no. You can't take my blob. Hold on, let me get her back in his rabbit hutch. Blob wife.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Pure Jabba the Hutt. Let me Jabba the Slut, dude. He's Jabba the Slut.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
You'd be like Han Solo on the edge of that fucking ring.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
It would be. I mean, again, it's like you have to use your imagination, but you could probably go pretty. It'd be pretty wild.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah. And then you would start with you. I've talked about feeders and gainers. You know what feeders and gainers are, Nate?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
no a feeder and a gainer it's a feeder and gainer feeders and gators it's a fetish i i like talked about this to someone recently like assuming he knew what i was talking about he's like what the fuck what dude like a bit of a feeder aren't you so a feeder is when you so they think so if you're a gainer you're just someone who's you're you're yeah you're just going to feed them your fetish is getting people fat yeah and their fetish is becoming your little fat blob
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
And you can just get into that whole thing where it's like, yeah, eat up, babe. I look like a dabble in different types of love.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Oh, the live show was last night. Yeah. So you were with the babes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
What do you think about getting something of a mascot for PITM? Maybe a blob. You guys could get a blob.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Not even a confrontation. It's like an exploration.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
It wasn't me. She laughed. So it's like there's another level you can unlock for that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
What about if you exhibit the blob? Wait, what if what? Exhibit the blob.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
No, I'm saying just get a PR company just to take pictures of your scantily clad blob and publish it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Now we're talking we're pimping the blob.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Once we start pitting for the blob, but you all hit piercing pagoda, you get like the $132 silver change. That would be so sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
You can find a blob pretty easy. We got to get a Dumbo drop, though, bro. I don't feel like growing my blob. I don't have the patience to grow my blob.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
This whole operation would fall apart. It would be nothing but infighting. Like, dude, I saw you with the blob. What the fuck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
A guy hit me up recently. He was like, you can buy, apparently, gorilla food, and it's like the same macros for people, but it's like $2 a day. So.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
No, I'm saying I would never feed. I would feed the blob. The blob is fucking queen, dude. That'd be Uber Eats. Feeding the blob gorilla food would be fucked. If you fell on hard times, you'd have no other choice than to feed her. You'd have to feed.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
You can buy apparently like primate food and it's like the same macros and it's like human grade. It's like $3. Some guy was like, you think I should do this? I was like, I don't know, dude. I was like, if you want. Yeah. He's like, it's so cheap. This is true. It'd be pretty fucking sick just crushing gorilla feed. It's probably terrible. Oh, it's got to be so bad. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
You might as well just do the McDonald's. It's a little omnivore. Did you ever see those guys? Yeah, true. No, aren't they omnivores? No, I think gorillas are herbivores. Yeah, what the fuck? Those macros must be fucked.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
That'd be nice. Yeah, you could really feed chimpanzees. Has anyone put a gorilla on steroids before? Shit. That would be sick. That's, we need another pool house for our juiced up gorilla.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Now we're getting into the darker quarters of the internet. Horse comes to shove.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Getting held back senior year is insane.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
You teach it sign language. It's just going, take me to the blob.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
One day they would come take your blob. Once a lady's 600 pounds... The government would find out. Once a lady's 600 pounds, the government comes and she just goes, the claw, and it comes down. Did you ever see Toy Story? The claw.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
They'd be in a big machine like a pizza planet. The claw.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
No. We need some grazing land, too. Just get, like, little ash-o-turf.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
This is what it is. Take them away.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
You got to be careful, dude. You get black YouTubers, be like, that blob's a clone.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
It turns out your pool house is just like an ancient fucking pyramid thing that we need to investigate. The secrets of the pyramids. There's an energy vortex.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Lock down. This is not a drill. You just hear that drill like, mom, I'm out of my mind.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
They're going to breach. This is one big guy. We'd have to definitely secure that fence.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
They just all have miniature fucking pictures.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
He'd be a railroad bull. He'd be real far apart. He'd be a hard-headed railroad bull, dude. He'd be down there like, what the hell? Breaking up the stone. We can stop talking blob talk. No, blob talk's good. I think it's a good rule of thumb. That's all I'm saying. And then if you can take it anywhere you want, if you're business-minded, obviously, like we are. Yeah. Take it anywhere you want.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
remember the video I sent you this lady just she just had like dude I found this video online and it's a lady with I mean dude beyond F's the most giant boobs and she it's just her husband tapes her going down a water slide in one of those little things, like the raft. And, like, it's just every turn, they're just... And it has, like, a million views.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
And he wrote a disclaimer being like, guys, this is a family video. My wife, please don't poke fun at the way she's built. It's like, dude, you knew what you were doing. You knew what you were doing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
It's the Shiva. That is Shiva. There's a village that's like their exclusive deity. They build the water park like she will come. She will ride the slide. That would be pretty tough. I always forget about it. It's a nice thing about how horny guys are in India. Anywhere where there's a billion. Again, the census could be wrong, by the way. I was on war mode recently.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Turns out the census is they totally botched it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I think so. But the black conspiracy is that there's way more black people than they say. That one I kind of believe.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah. It's true. America is a giant double stuffed Oreo. It is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
The Minnesota Trail. They're in there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Talking Arkansas way. I mean, here's the thing. It's all fun and games until the blob turns on you. Then you got to go. She could turn on you, man, and that would be ugly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
We would never fat her up for our own pleasure. Women will fatten you up, though. They're trying to get the male blob, dude. That's all they do.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Just so they can shame you. Women are the biggest fat shamers on the planet. They will fatten you and then shame you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Dude, for every five I gain, though, I get freaked out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
No, no, I'm saying they will feed you. They will blob you up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, they do. You need to worry. It's like, you gave me all these fucking treats. You gave me this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Give me some peanut butter ripple.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
You gotta dial up the freak for me. Or I will walk, bro. I will fucking walk. I will walk. What do you want?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
You know about my dream I had, bro? It's in Patreon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, I... I had a fucking workout this morning. I was yesterday, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
That would be nice. But, dude, they're not ready for blob theory. They're not ready for blob theory. Quantum blob. Quantum blob, dude. Have you studied blob theory? I mean, if you hit a gender studies major with for every 20 you got to get freakier, they would leave. They would fucking leave. They'd be out, dude. They do not like that kind of stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
You would be. I'm a big fan. You guys wouldn't ask the hard-hitting questions. I thought you did pretty good at the NAACP.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Dan, it's so nice to just doggy your way out of a racial snafu.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Why do you guys get looped in with that all the time?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
If it was like Irish studies and gay people, I'd be like, why are you doing that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
It's kind of BS, man. Come on now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Also, you'll feel like a superstar going to community college. If you go to college, you can go back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Is Jewish studies... Is that the same thing as Jewish studies, Italian studies, gay guys, and... Probably.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Black studies. Remember when universities started doing Ebonics? They don't do that anymore, do they? Was that a thing for real? I swear to God, I think that was like maybe one or two places did that. I like it. I might go back and major in it. That's fat.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Cap. Yeah, call him Cap. It would be so nice. Yo, teach. Just trying to figure out when to say type shit. I don't exactly know how to put it into a conversation. Type shit is so nice. They should study Ebonics.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
That would be tight, man. I think that was like a thing. It's still a thing. I guess if you do linguistics, maybe it's just like a... Because I remember just back in the day you'd hear about it. I didn't know anything about it. I didn't know the specifics. But I remember they busted that out on colleges. It could have just been linguistics. Like, let's dive into this. But I don't know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I don't know a motherfucking thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Guys. nerds the director you're talking nerds damn everybody here is a made-up name for real the faculty directory what kind of what are we working with i don't feel like naming yeah yeah don't name names oh who's that guy are they caucasoids some are oh yeah there's one for you what is it caucasoids
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
failing yeah i i was at drexel westchester i gotta get my grades up to get into west true dude i was at drexel like school so dumb what's the point of this and i went i worked uh i was with like the labor union with my like working for my dad so i had to sign up to the laborers union to work for him so the union didn't say anything and i was like college is so pointless and i was like chilling with like laborers and i would talk to them and i'm like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
What is this for? What thing is this?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
That's why everybody has made-up names. That's why everybody has made-up names.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Engineering is going to be. Dude, I didn't do engineering school.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
That guy's last name is kind of funny, though. What the fuck? Yeah, engineering, dude. Drexel was an engineering school, and, like, I had teachers I, like, couldn't understand, just for, like, math classes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Lameez, can you handle him?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Get an engineering professor to come debate, like, critical race theory. It's like, um, uh, I don't, this isn't my area of expertise, but shut up, nerd. Talk. Do big words. I know about making bridges. Hmm?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Shelter that man from the sun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Shield that man's identity. Or we could have LeMayer moderate a debate between two professors and then have him summarize everything in between. That'd be kind of nice. It'd be like gender studies versus astrophysicists and be like, go. Go. Go.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Go ahead. Going back to school for gender studies would be nasty. I did social work. I might as well go all the way back. Dude, being in a hostile classroom, I kind of genuinely miss it. It's so fun.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Dude, before 25 versus Charlie Kirk, I lived it for two years. Yeah. I just didn't know it was a cool thing on the internet. I should have live streamed the class.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
When those conservative YouTubers will debate 25 college students at a time. Oh, yeah. Sit at the table. 25 woke students versus Charlie Kirk. Yeah, yeah. I'd be like, I don't like being gay. You're like, what? No. Yeah, right. You just talk fast as fuck. Yeah, you just talk fast as fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
You'll get a bunch of nervous college students on camera. All I want to do is destroy libs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I'd have tape over my mouth the whole time, like, all right, I guess I'll take this off.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
i think college worked on me a little bit yeah so they would read the paper and i'd be like yeah but like who you got to think like who wrote that paper they all have an agenda they always look at me and be like dude it's in the paper this is before donald trump busted the fake news people would read the paper and be like well that's what happened yeah that's that
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, it does. It's a huge moneymaker.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I'm voting Dem this next election. I'm Dem.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
The bear blob is a total blue wave.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I'm secretly rooting for him so hard, dude. I can't wait until he bans all that bullshit in our food. Yeah, didn't he ban like Daz?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
There's just like 70 things illegal to put in foods in Europe that we eat.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
You can remove that shit pretty easily. Still keep the color and remove it? Yeah, dude. You can use beet juice powder and all that bullshit. I mean, you might not be able to have certain... You could probably honestly get certain hues. I used to make gummies, and I used natural dyes in my gummies. I had some of those gummies. They were good. They were a little too good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
RFK would have definitely taken away my Keefy Crawlers. Keefy Crawlers. Keefy Crawlers were a million-dollar idea. Keefy Crawlers. Keefy Crawlers were so nice. I had these bug gummy molds, and I would toast Keef with sugar. So I'd decarb the Keef, and then once I got the gummies, when they were still sticky, I'd roll them in Keef. You could actually eat because it was activated.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Those used to fucking crush me, dude. Yeah. I would drive around.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
They might have had fentanyl.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I was getting blind. They were an alcohol tincture, so you were also eating like Everclear.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I remember I boiled off. I like took grain alcohol, made an extraction, put in a rice cooker in their backyard. And it was just the smell of just like burning alcohol. It's a really harsh smell. And then I thought it was done. So I was like, all right, I guess all the alcohol is out. And I put my face in it to like and I just I don't know why I took a big whiff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
And like I just inhaled a bunch of alcohol fumes. It fucking felt weird. I bet. Yeah, it was not a good feeling. I kind of panicked for a while. Definitely took me aback. That shit had to fuck up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I would have had to snatch the Dragon Chain, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Turns out grade school kind of helped me a little bit, too. Dude, some of the schools are still fucking wild now. We went to this one school. I really wanted my daughter to go there. And, dude, we had a meeting, like a parent interview or whatever. And they were like, well, we do a reenactment in the, I think, third or fourth grade where we reenact the taking of the land from Mexico.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
We would have sexually blackmailed you with Barn Dog. The Barn Dog. Barn Dog's legend. Barn Dog would have got you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
That would have been Game of Thrones. They would have killed the wrong guy. He would have smashed the baby. What did you do? That was House of Dragons, I think. Dude, I'm walking. Dude, I used to eat those. It was like I had the bug mold. The butterfly was like the smallest. Then there was the spiders. Then I had these centipedes that I did the math.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Did that thing where I opened my eyes and tried to gauge the hangover before I woke up. And I felt all right. I was just hot. I, like, woke up. It was 1,000 degrees. I thought it was 7 a.m. I reached over to, like, see what time it is. If Brittany's in bed, I'm like, all right, it's probably, like, 7. Didn't feel her, and I pat it, and it was just a pillow. I'm like, there she is.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
They had to have been at least like 120 milligrams. Yeah. And like, dude, I could only... I did a spider once and was rocked. And I remember I would eat those like a butterfly and spider in the morning and just forget and be driving around. Yeah. And just they would hit me and I would be blasting L.S. Dream.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
The music I used for the intro for the first special was like, trying to cross Lancaster Ave like, I'm never getting across the street. It was crazy. I was like, I'll never get across the street.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
That sucks. Man, I clocked a lot of hours driving up that just like. Lancaster Ave is fucking chaos, dude. It is absolute fucking chaos. That street is nuts, dude. It's also... Did you ever walk up and down there?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Open air. It's open air sex. Hoes are on Lancaster Ave.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, we are talking. Lancaster Ave. Yeah, you can go get the blob, bro. You can secure the blob on Lancaster Ave. For sure. For sure. God damn, my shorts are so fucking short.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
We use the third graders to reenact this. And it was just like... And I'm sitting there the whole time. I told Brittany going into it. I'm like, they're going to probably say a bunch of dumb bullshit. Just go along with it. I just like this. Thank God we didn't get in. But we were in the thing. It's like the lady was talking about people of color. And Brittany's like, I didn't see any.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
She's like, she mentioned Asians. And Brittany goes, son of people of color. Yeah. Like held her leg under the table and shut up. Oh, yes, dude. It's so nice. It was kind of a beast. It was beast. So nice. It was beast. The lady claimed it, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
It was so funny. Dude, I was dying, and the lady tried to claim it herself. Bro, I mean, same as me, bro.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah. That's fucking nuts. It's also, like, if you're going to read it, like, why that one? Why not, like, that's kind of weird.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Well, then it's like, why not go even further back in time? Why stop there?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, how did they? How did they?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Yeah, they weren't like... I just thought it was distasteful.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
and disembowel them in front of their families that'd be pretty cool fake scalpens yeah that'd be nice fake little kids real hollywood blood packets that might be yeah i can see that stepping up like kids productions we're doing reservoir dogs yeah yeah we dodged a bullet i was i was happy that uh Brittany was yapping because that was looking back on it. I was like, that was such a sick move.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I was like, what if I could spit? True. It's like, you never know. It's like, what if I never know? I've never even tried. Maybe I could spit. In high school, we'd all get high, and people would freestyle and stuff. It was sick. It's the best. Yeah, it's pretty fun, actually.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I knew it didn't happen to me. My one friend would just do Eminem. He'd be like, that's an Eminem song. And he'd be like, no, it's just an Eminem song. I just came up with that right now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I don't know. Is that a song? I didn't know that. That's crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
It was good. I'll never forget. I remember I was with this one dude. I was just going to my house to sell weed or whatever. There was a black guy, and my neighbors in West Philly, I actually knew them. I worked with one guy, and they were out in their car blasting someone they knew. It was their family member's demo tape. They're like, come listen to this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
That was crazy. That was decadent, dude. Usually, it's 6.37. I try to get up before my kids. It's 11.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
The black guy I was with, and he leaned in the car, and he was like, yeah, that shit's fucking trash, and then just walked into my house, and I was like, what the fuck? I didn't know you could do that. He's like, yo, that shit's fucking trash, and then just came in. I was like, dude, it's my fucking neighbors, man. Why are you doing that?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
The funniest thing, and he just, like, didn't even, like, we came in, and I was like, if I had done that to someone, I'm like, did you see me do that? He just was like, anyway, so what is going on here? And I was like, did you just fucking do that to my neighbors? Yo, that shit's fucking trash.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
They give it to you. And you're like, thanks. You're like, you're not going to give me any money? It's like, I didn't ask for this. I don't want this. I'm helping you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
50s beefing with like Big Meat right now, isn't he?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Someone just like, is it who? One of those guys got out of jail and he's like calling the dude a rat. He's like, he's a fucking rat.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I mean, he's like, no, I don't think so right now. But he's also come out and he's like, I've beat women before. I've done this. The beast thing that I will give him, I suck my cousin's dick, obviously.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
But the one thing that I will give him is when Iggy Azalea came out being like, Kanye used to take me aside and tell me he jerks off my pictures. And he retweeted it and just said, true. Like, all right, that's kind of sick. I feel like he's got another era, a different thing in him. I think he's going to drop this stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
I wonder, I was like, is this some, I've said this before, is this like, is he on just another level of like performance art where it's like he's expanding just the boundaries of all this weird stuff of like KKK sucking your cousin's dick?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
Dude, I don't know. I can't even wrap my head around it. Like, why you would do that or what. But, again, work could just be he's fucking nuts, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 557 - Blob Farm (feat. Nate Marshall)
You got to give him 100 years, see what's up. He could go into, like, a Luke Skywalker phase. If he goes on a misty mountain and goes dark for a while...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Wow, wow, Wes. And we're live. Joel Blazer, what the fuck is going on, dude? Thank you. Thank you for coming. Doesn't it feel good? Yes. Feels good, dude. Every now and again, just to jump in hot. get the juices flowing. So Joe, I, I, so we met in Milwaukee. I saw you on soft white underbelly and I was taken by, I was like, dude, this is, this is crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Letters from Marion. The notes were, I thought, beautiful, man. I gave them their books, and we were reading them. They're just beautiful notes. You're the man, dude. You're an absolute beast. But we went to the steakhouse. Thank you. Five o'clock steakhouse? Yes. Might have been the best steak I've ever had in my life, dude. I'm not lying. It was good. It was so good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Oh, I see what you're saying. You weren't even, like, fully sentenced yet. And the thing that struck, I didn't know this.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Exactly. So you got, like, a taste, and you could have totally been like, bro, fuck this, I'm out. I did like the thing in the book where you talked about how they gave some people what was called diesel therapy. And they just keep prisoners traveling just in perpetuity. The diesel therapy. Dude, that's fucking terrible.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, and you don't know anyone, so you're just getting shuffled or you're a stranger everywhere.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, it probably kept, like, infections at bay. Getting sick in jail would fucking... No one ever thinks about getting sick in jail.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Well, my friend was in a county jail, and that's the thing people don't know, too. Apparently, county jail is the worst. County's the worst. Exactly. That's what I've heard. It's cesspool wickedness. It sucks. My friend was there, and he was an older guy, and he was in the county jail. It's dirty.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
He was there during COVID, and he said the guards were so whacked out about interacting with the prisoners that he was like, they didn't come check on you at all, and the heaters were fucked up, so he was like, it was freezing cold.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
And then the thing that really killed me was... I've never seen this happen before. When you showed up, you had had an incident with gasoline. Oh, my God, dude. That was... Dude. You smelled like gasoline. You showed up. We were all sitting there eating, and I'm like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah. He was like, it's freezing cold. And he was like, I'm an older guy. He had, you know, health issues. He's like, if I had a health complication, I would have died. Cause like we would, there was like a bell or a button they could ring to like get people to come. And he's like, they would all ring it. Nobody would like for, you know, eight hours a night that people just wouldn't show up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Cause they were like, we don't want the guards. We're like, we don't want to be around the fucking prison.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
You would think the county would be the nicer one because it's lesser. Well, at least you can be waiting to trial. But usually if you get a DUI, you think the conditions would be nicer to go serve a DUI sentence. It's got to be the worst place in the world.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
No, I'm saying if you did a high-level crime, you get better jail conditions, basically. You get to go to federal prison.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
But that just shocked me, because my friend went, and I was always kind of like, oh, you would think, like, federal prison's, like, worse than the county, but he was like, no, it's actually way better. He's like, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
But either way, so you got, so you got, uh, so once you were there and in the book, you move around a lot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I like it. Yeah. I like it. You did it. You did a good, you did a good job of like chronological leaps. Cause it's like, you know, you're talking about your one time period, like, you know, I'm waiting trial. And then like, you're jumping to like being released and the stuff you were doing after that. And then back. And I thought, yeah, that's, you pulled it off. The chronological job. Thank you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Hold off. The letters were, So what was your thought? Because within the book... It was too many. Well, here's the thing. I think they were fine, but they really... You gave a pretty serious glimpse into the psyche of an incarcerated young person.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I loved it. I thought it was great. The best is when you send a letter to your brother being like, I'm going to fucking destroy you when I get out of here. I'm so jacked. That made me literally laugh out loud in my bed. I was reading that. I'm like, what a funny fucking thing just to be in jail. I'm going to fucking beat your ass when I get out of here. I'll be so strong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I'm sure you're fucking around with your brother, but it was like... Yeah, the letters did... The story was flowing. The letters, they really gave it some weight to it, man. Some of those letters were kind of dark. I thought it was cool. Here's my thing. You didn't have to put those in there, and you did. You really showed kind of an unfiltered view of how you were, and it was kind of cool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
that means it could be edited if this letter this is it like you can't change that so with the letters there was i i couldn't i didn't know what you were talking about you were asking um your mom for photos what what was the photo oh she's for playboy my parents met at playboy and she pulls that i heard yeah that i knew so what did you want the photo for
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
They're not nude, yeah, obviously.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, that was the one. I think it was a bet. That was a letter I saw in there. There's no context on the letter, so I kind of looked it up, and I was like, okay, that's what I thought it was. You wanted the Playboy photos for a bet. You never said that in the book. No. When you're reading it, you're going, this is a freaky-ass bull, dude. In prison, I'm going to be jacking off to my mother.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I would never say that. I would never say that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I'd never say so. God, it just made me laugh because I was reading the book, and I'm like, what the fuck is he talking about, these photos? And that makes sense. You had a bet with somebody. They didn't believe you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, that was an interesting story, too. So how did that go down?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, back then, that was a big deal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I guess if you're in the environment, you get kind of... They do that at strip clubs a lot, too. They'll take the bartenders, and they'll be like, yeah, you should get up there. It's just when you're in that environment, they're probably just kind of pushing you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Bro, I swear to God, I've never, it was such a pungent smell. I'm like, what am I going to do? You had to just show up. It was a beast move. You could have lit me on fire if you were smoking cigarettes. I seriously was concerned. I was worried someone was going to order, like, Aflambe or something and you would have went up because it was a thick gasoline smell.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
What was it like growing up with, like, a hot mom, basically?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
What do you mean? Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? You can't say, yeah. I was wondering what that was like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
attracted to her um i don't know it probably helped me i mean if i'm doing my ugly no yeah i think she might have been able to do a lot better than my dad though right yeah so what was and what was uh in the book you include some stuff like you guys had a rocky relationship and then he just died yes how was that because you go into the it's kind of jarring because i read it so you guys have this almost unbelievable altercation and then he dies that day
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah. That's, and you were, you know, early twenties. It's gotta be a pretty heavy experience.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Okay. Damn, that's pretty wild. Yeah, that was just like a quick thing mentioned in the book. But then what happened in Marion?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, it's kind of crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Although, that's kind of the most manly, like, cologne. Maybe we could start it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
No. Yeah, that does. That was a, it was like a heavier moment. And the, uh, and this was, I thought this was kind of interesting too, in the book, the, uh, I mean, this was kind of like the crux of the tale was like, you're in jail, you know, you're kind of having a good time here, you know, sound a little blacked out heroin.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
What the fuck? It is crazy. But for me, it was crazy that you just tried heroin and we're like, man, Oh, yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
But yeah, so, okay. So you're, and this is what kind of got my interest. I watched you on soft white underbelly and you had the story basically about going to a super max prison for selling, you know, LSD and the case was crazy. Like, you know, we talked about it. It was just, you sent, you know, LSD in the mail, Western union, some guy got caught. He never got even caught with it. Right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Was that was that like creepy as fuck doing that? Like, I don't like needles at all.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Sure. Yeah. Yeah. So it wasn't it wasn't this like otherworldly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
That makes sense. So that was part of the thing. Like, I'm going to try heroin too once. Once. Now I can do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
you were getting crushed by the corporate lifestyle of selling LSD. So you're like, I was always to get to the next show.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, you weren't really getting after it like that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I think, honestly, I think you're one of their best guests that, you know, they've done some, thank you. They've done a lot. They've interviewed a lot of people, but you know, I just kind of struck me, bro. I saw you. I said, damn, this guy is the man. And we talked. And then eventually we met in Milwaukee. I didn't, it was pure accident.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
No, his friend got caught.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
You took 10 hits, you're saying.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Jesus Christ. And then he gave you up and then you got on some bullshit trial where it was like, you'd never got caught with drugs, but there was enough circumstantial evidence to suggest that you had used a fake name to Western Union money and LSD around. And they sentenced you to, you said they were.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, that makes sense. And you were saying in the book, too, these people who were like, there was only a few people who were able to somehow secure the ingredients necessary to make alimony. Because it is hard. I knew a guy in a lab. and he could make almost anything, but he's like, I can't make LSD.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Do you think how much they were giving them?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I mean, imagine in the, and again, in the fifties, like LSD, like, you know, I, I grew up hearing about it. You have like a context for what it is like, Oh, it's like, you know, it was like hippie stuff. And,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Or even being like, say I was following fish. If I was a kid, I would have been like, yeah, it's like weed. It's like you get high. But in the 50s, if someone just hit you with 10 hits of LSD in a lab and they're like, get your fucking life together, I'd be like... I always thought it was going to make you go crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah. I mean, it does seem like it could, you know, do that. It is, it is unfortunate. Cause I, like you were saying, it's not for everybody. And I have seen people who will, who abuse it kind of lose it. Like,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
But I think you have to have underlying stuff already kind of kicking around. You used it, like, daily? No, there was, like, every weekend. Boom. And, like, constantly. As you said in your book, you didn't take it that many times.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Exactly. Because it's so profound. What do you need? These guys were every weekend. That, the nitrous. They were just partying with it. And they... I remember... Wow. I see the one guy... I was in a grocery store, and I'm like, oh, hey, what's up, man? He was working there. I'm like, how you doing? Dude, he cornered me. He's like, I'm fighting a battle against light and darkness.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
And I was like, oh, boy. I was like, all right, bro. I was like, you know, I'm going to grab my stuff and get out of here. But it was... Yeah, I remember this guy. But again, it could have been just, like, underlying stuff. Because that is, like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
If you take a person who already has, even if they could have had a job and just been a little weird or whatever, but it's like if you really kind of ramp that shit up and you don't give them any kind of way to work through all that stuff, it's like, yeah, it kind of makes sense. You would lose your fucking mind.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
That was a I'm still trying to figure out how to do it. I have an idea with what I want to do, but I got obsessed. So I've always liked psychology. So I've always liked psychology. And then I went to school for social work to get my master's. Yes. I wanted to start something like a that's just not centered around drugs where you can you can kind of get anything. Yes. Who are like you?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I could talk to people who are, you know, like PhDs or whatever and have them help me come up with some sort of program that could be peer led around like just mental health stuff in general. That way, like you can't afford a therapy. If you can't afford a therapist, you could still have like a group that's like, it's not like therapy per se, but it would be using, um, sharing the tools. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Like that. These people like these PhD level people make up and like, how do you kind of disseminate them in a way that like, that could be done in like a peer to peer thing. That's my goal. And I'm still now looking for therapists now. Cause I, I want to just salary a couple of therapists now that I can to just kind of like run groups and like, kind of like curate the whole like online space.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
And it'd be, it's for, how did you get that name? I made it up. It's like, no, I don't know. It sounded funny. Cause you know, but, um, but yeah, so that, that is my goal. Cause you know, we, we do need to figure something out collectively. Cause this isn't, you know, it's clearly not working, dude. It's like the fact that we're immune to like kids shooting kids in school. Now it's like,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
It happens enough to where it's like, all right, dude, there's some... We need to organize ourselves mentally a different way. We're organized around, you know, one thing right now, and it's not really... Money? Yeah, pretty much. And it's like, it's good. I don't hate money, but it's like, it's clearly... Something's getting fucked up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
And it's like, I really feel like as human beings, you know, we're organisms. And like, we're not... It's hard for people to wrap their head around the fact for everybody that they're not like the most important person in the world. Because as an organism, if you think about organisms... The cells. We're all a cell.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, well, if you're an organism and you sense an organism that's bigger than you, that's a threat to your life. You know what I mean? Because if you're an animal, just say you're an animal. If you're an animal and you see... If you're a wolf and you see a bigger wolf...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
that wolf is could very well kill you and that sets off a chain of reactions but human beings are sense of like largeness is kind of abstract so if you just perceive somebody's bigger than you in some sense it can set off like a very real reaction biological events that can color your thinking and behavior and it's like no one really thinks about that but it's like something people have to come to grips with but whatever but the um but yeah so that's
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
And that was 1992. So this is like... It's crazy to think about the drug laws back then. There was even like weed back then. You could go to jail for like four or five years for selling weed if you had enough.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I don't know, man. I think we could have a good time up here on Earth, but it sucks for everybody. It's kind of shitty.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
from 2013 i shut off my iphone too dude that motherfucker is worse than bad cocaine yeah dude i'm coming to grips with how addicted i am to my phone and it's like it's bad man i got my screen time down to like i think like three hours and i i think this week i should be hitting two but it's like dude it's such an addiction but you need it for your business right
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, I do, but it's like I could use it in a way where I'm not, like, pulling it out, being like, let me see if anyone... Every two hours, you're just... Well, the worst part is with social media, you're addicted to yourself. You're, like, you've commodified your personality.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
How much money? Yeah, now you have, like, it's, like, very real, you know, quantitative data on, like, your personality. And so, of course, there's an addictive component to the phone, but, like, nothing's more addictive than yourself and, like... you know, your insecurities and checking on all that. And I think that's what ties a lot of people to it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah. So that's, you know, but either way. So, yeah, I kind of agree. You know, something needs to happen. But, you know, it's one of those things where it's like when people try to push the pedal, like I got the solution to push the pedal. Usually it's just 10 times worse. So I don't know. I'll be curious to see what happens with people. But either way. So, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Okay, so what else did I want to ask you about? Oh, this is the thing that I thought was crazy. So you're kicking around different prisons. Six. Yeah, you're six different prisons.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Who does, right? True. But you're kicking around. Things are going well. You've got some hustles going on. Always hustle. And then you have the altercation with the guard. And this was the thing I thought the craziest part of the book. You have the altercation with the guard.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
The guard who sent you to Marion.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
What guard are you talking about?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I thought it was kind of nuts. You're in jail. Things are going well, whatever. This black lieutenant takes your bag. You guys gave him an altercation. He called me a hippie rat. He did.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
It's all right. You don't have to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yes. And he had to do something.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Oh, I didn't realize that. He said that to you in front of all the other prisoners, which is kind of a death sentence.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
And your friend stitched it for you. It was like your prized possession.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, so the thing I thought that was wild was like that incident happened kind of aligned itself with the crack laws where it was like they reduced the sentences on powder cocaine, didn't reduce the sentences on crack cocaine. So then there were these racial riots in the jail.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
12 prisons around the country. Dude, the extent of the damage was crazy. Did you see the report?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Well, it was really like a racially inspired riot because it was like black guys were going to jail for crack. For the most part, white guys were going to jail for coke.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Oh, okay. So the black guys were understandably kind of pissed. So they rioted.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I know. But then that lieutenant was like, oh, yeah, this guy instigated the riot. So you went to from just like, you know, prison to then having to go to Supermax prison based on really just a beef you had with the lieutenant, which is fucking crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
The young people have no fucking clue, man. Yeah. Even the early 2000s, it was like you could go to jail for little bullshit like weed and stuff. I guess they softened, obviously softened the penalty.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
And it was 23-hour lockdown, one hour outside a day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Damn. And you were saying in the thing that really kind of like I thought was nuts in the other prison during the riots, you were like about to go to the yard to work out and you were like. It was weird. Let me go back to my room. And you were saying the yard itself was just like an apocalyptic battle of like dudes getting raped, people getting their heads smashed.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
No, they would have said... I know, I know that. I'm saying I know. That'd be crazy taking that down. In that book, I taught... In the book, You Can't Win by Jack Black. He's like a burglar or whatever in the early 1900s. He ends up finally in a jail in California. I think in... Was it Folsom? Maybe it was Folsom. I don't know where it was.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
But either way, there was an earthquake and all of the records for all the prisoners got destroyed in like a fire or something. And he ended up getting stuck because he couldn't get out. He couldn't go in or out because he was already there. So he couldn't prove like he did enough time. But he eventually did get out. But yeah, that's... Damn, if only those guys had grabbed the records.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
yeah texas is texas it's still illegal like if you austin you're fine if you have weed in austin they don't care if you leave austin you can still they'll like throw you in the hotel everybody they don't care in austin but if you is that isn't that right josh i think if you leave austin and you get caught with weed like i knew someone who was decriminalizing austin proper
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
That would have been so sweet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, you got to see the damage.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Oh, he said all the other ones, and they kind of tried to suppress that. Yeah, I remember reading how they were trying to act like, nah, we're good. And then didn't other ones, like, say there was stuff just so that they could clamp down and get overtime and all that? Exactly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
That was always my thing. It's like the prison law should be according to who would you rather have as your neighbor, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would I rather have a guy who sold Coke or a pedophile? It's like, all right, a pedophile should be a longer time than a guy who sells Coke because it's like that's who I'd rather live next to if I had to choose.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Or if I didn't have a choice, it would be like, you know, people should be sentenced accordingly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
What a tool. They're everywhere. And there's a lot of them, man. I did it when I lived in Philly. And I was shocked. There was a decent amount. And I think they had them all in one house. They were all in this one house four blocks away. And I don't know if they're just some landlord.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
yeah pretty much i i mean they at least they don't they don't prosecute it at all it's not it's the lib side it's a lib this is a lib haven yeah they actually have like decent food here but uh you gotta deal with all that stuff but but yeah man you can in austin i think i knew someone who got pulled over with a vape cartridge and got like held overnight in austin no outside oh so austin's a safe haven so they could where do they sell it here
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, they should have to. Ever. There's a documentary to watch. It's called Pervert Park. It's a really rough watch. But they have a trailer park in Florida. And they're just a gated community. They just all live in here. And people just fucking... of beer bottles over at them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
But dude, not like... So I used to get housing for people. When I went to school for social work, one of my jobs was to get housing for prisoners. So you get out of jail, I would do a little interview. I'd be like, hey, you know, I'd have to get like, what is the nature of your crime? But it was like... It was just like selling drugs and stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
And then the lady who ran it didn't tell me she had opened up to pedophiles. Cause that was one of my, I would like, you know, the crap break the ice. Cause I didn't like being like, Hey, what'd you go to jail for? So I'd be like, Hey, I have to ask you this. As long as you're not like a pedophile, whatever, don't worry. And they'd always be like, well, the fuck I'm not a fucking pen.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I'm like, ah, you know? And then one day the guy was like, well, I actually am. And I was like, what? And then they were like, yeah. And I talked to my boss. I'm like, what the fuck? And she was like, yeah, I decided to start taking pedophiles. We got to find them housing too. And I was like, ah,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
okay but what year this was only like this would have been 2019 2019 2018 around then my thing was like i didn't want to and i would call their uh probation officers because i would be like i don't isn't there laws these guys can't be i can't like throw this guy in a best buy like there's kids around no there's the thousand feet or whatever that's my school and all that i think there is
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
That's what I thought it was, man. But this person, it was kind of like, you know, leading the thing. You know, as far as I remember, it was kind of like, no, no, no, they're fine. They have rights. And I called the guy's probation officer. I'm like, this guy can't work here, can he? The probation officer was like, fuck no. And I was like, yeah, I didn't think so. So it was weird.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I remember I ended up telling the lady, I was like, I don't... Don't ask, don't tell.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I was like, bro, I'm not sending this guy, you know, into apartment buildings. I don't know. So it was, I just told her, like, I don't, you know...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Cause I would just cold call landlords and be like, Hey, I got this great deal. Six month upfront paid rent. And they'd be like, Oh, what is it? What is it? I'm like, here's the catch. And then they will go, Oh, come on, man. I'd be like, dude, they're not like fucking pedophiles. They're just, they just sold drugs. Like, come on. The six months is paid up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
And then so they were cool about that. But once she tried to have me find like the pedophile and I had to tell her like, look, I'm not the guy to help because now they're going to you. Well, not even that. Yeah. Then you're going to fuck up all these other guys housing. And it's also like like I remember the one dude would call me the guy who was on my caseload who had that kind of stuff.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
And he would just be like, hey, I'm outside in my head. Like, you know, I wouldn't even be there. And I'd be like, I don't give a fuck. He's like, it's raining. And I'd like off. So I'm like, there's got to be someone who can help that guy. So they do need help from somebody, but it was like, I'm not, I can't do it, man. I just, I couldn't do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Dude, it's a weird thing to do. And they just kind of like hush the, yeah. And quietly tuck them in a neighborhood and like, Hey, you know, here's the guys here. And it's like, it's fucked up, man. It's really fucked up.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
So, yeah, you were in the Supermax. No, I did.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, it's like now we have that weird stuff where it's like the hemp... It's one little thing. The hemp bill. No, the hemp bill. Oh, yeah. The farm bill. Exactly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
It's just all entertainment anyway, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
And it just ran right through there. That must have been wild, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, or the big thing is THCA. THC is what's illegal. THCA, now you have to heat up weed and make brownies.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
That must have been terrible, getting that high in jail.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I have a friend who smoked K2 in jail, like the synthetic weed. Yep. And he said he... And this guy, you know, this guy was doing... Isn't it just like weed? Yeah, but apparently it's like kind of harsh from what I've heard. It's like it can be like... Because it's just a chemical. So like weed, the plant can only get so strong. But K2, they're spraying these synthetic cannabinoids.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
You know, it could be fucking... Who knows? Exactly. Exactly. So he said this guy, he had done like tripping all the drugs you could possibly do. And he was like, dude, fuck that shit. He said he was in there. He kept hearing people come in, checking on. And it wasn't happening. It was him and a dude in there just in terror.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah. It worked perfectly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, decarboxylate or whatever. So now if you have that extra carbon molecule that heat removes from literally of a lighter, it's technically legal because you can be like, well, this is hemp. Weed's legal now, by the way. But is it medically legal here? No. No. Now, Texas is like... I think it's... Yeah, I don't think they even have a medical program.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
That was the college trick. You would put the Febreze fabric softener sheet in a paper towel thing and blow it out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, smoking weed in jail does seem like a lot of trouble. Seems like you'd have to be really kind of careful. I guess you could go outside.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
It really set in. Weed does that to you where the reality of stuff sets in.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Oh, yeah. I read about that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Don't you get a dilute, though? I heard the drug test now, it was too diluted.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
whatever but if you didn't piss you would get it dirty then it's 90 days in the hole and you'd probably get transferred yeah it sucks which is the fucking worst and you also if they you know even if it was diluted you'd have the time because you'd have to get mailed out ran through a lab and by then it's like hey i don't know did they do that in the 90s the dilution i've just heard about it i don't know i was so young in the 90s i was a i was a wee boy but the uh i remember hearing about that move like just slam a bunch of fucking water but then it would the test would come back as like inconclusive because it was just too diluted
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
No, it makes sense back then that they would have been.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
yeah i had anything i had to do a drug test when i was working for my dad he does demolition we were like working in like a on the hospital kind of or it was at hospital it was a school it was a school so they like everyone had to get drug tested so i remember what we had to do we you know we had all day and it wasn't like you had somebody watching you so we just had like i filled up a latex glove of pee from somebody i knew and then you just keep a hand warmer on it so it keeps it at like 98 degrees how did you know he was clean you just hoped
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I just knew he would. I asked him. He didn't smoke weed or do anything. So I was like, let me get pee in this glove for me. Or pee in a thing. And then I just dumped it in the glove. And it worked? Kept it on a hammer. But then I got there and my friend needed some too. So we had to split it. And then we both, I didn't realize there was a minimum amount. So we both gave like that much.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
The nurse was cool. She was really, but they, they hit you with a temperature. That was a big thing. They temp check it. Cause then they see if it's cold. Exactly. So the hand warmers, I'd asked for ham warmers in like July. I was like, you guys have ham warmers back here. And they're like, yeah, but why? I was like, I don't know, man. I just need them. I'm going somewhere.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
So, but yeah, that is a, that's pretty crazy. So then that, that story too about getting, what about the duffel bag? What about it?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
What, the duffel bag you got taken from you? Didn't you get it? Did you get it back?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, that was the end of the book, man. That was it all came together. That guy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
What the hell was that about? Why did he give it back to you?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
What? You don't think that was? I took that as the guy who had a nice moment where he was just like, yeah, let me give this guy his bag back.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
That's cool. That makes sense.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
It is weird. Also, is it normal to keep like, how would he even get an alert that you were out?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
This thing's out of here. That makes sense.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
i had to let it go i had to just get rid of it it symbolized so much yeah and just to move was that bad psychologically what do you think no i think that's you know feel good doing that get rid of it just to you know that way you're out that's like a chapter that's totally done with yeah and there's something kind of cool and ceremonial about being like all right i'm done with this part i can let go especially if you think the guy was fucking with you i'd be like fuck you dude
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Didn't Portugal... Yeah, I mean, obviously locking people up for years. They did.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, that would have freaked me out. Like, first of all, I was like, dude, you're keeping tabs on me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
It is weird. And then the one thing I did want to ask you about, cause this is in the book as well. You got out and you started a pretty successful real estate.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
That's cool. Yeah. And you got into like just kind of, I remember the book.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah. That spot was unbelievable. And you got hit with a subprime mortgage crisis.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah. No, that's pretty cool.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I like working out. It's a nice physical job.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, so what's the plan now? What are you up to now, and what's your plan to do?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
You want that liquid death money.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
So are you going to start a podcast or something?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Right, but you just want to do the real estate.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, but the book, it was funny because you sold, you did what, 5,000 copies? Yes. Sold them, and now the only books are on Amazon, and I was like- I'm not selling them for $200.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
We looked up his book. Me and Nate were there. Nate Marshall, we were looking up his book. You thought it was me. I was like, damn, this guy's selling his books for fucking $200? No. And that's all their secondhand sellers. Cause they sold all your ones. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
You got to print more, dude.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah. The book was, I did. I'm telling you, the book was great. I couldn't stop reading it. So,
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
That was cool. And it was fascinating.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
and you take the the mexican cartel would go out of business like that think of that so that's the big one yeah well that that's the uh but here's the thing i i was i read the book chasing the scream by yeah yeah great book yes they talk about that now like in in london they would give people heroin and then uh if you had someone if they had to go to a center and the heroin was clean like there were way more way less deaths but now the critique in america is like the um
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I'm like, what the fuck? I think it was crazy how you were in there, and you were describing, like, The people, especially in Marion, these guys would kill you without hesitating. And you have to form friendships with these guys and hang with them. Bruce Pierce, Doc Holliday. And the fact that you did tell the guards. I'll leave that in the book.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
But yeah, that is funny that you just completely beefed with the guards on that level and threatened them that you were going to kill them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
i don't know the naivety i still have probably this day in some form but no that was that was pretty sick but well dude um yeah man fucking pump thank you for coming on thank you for having me perfect thanks bro thank you see you man thank you
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
well it's a cesspool america did it wrong like oregon and seattle is just like a whole area of exactly it does give the harm reduction stuff a bad name because it's like if you just let people lay on the street and you're like oh here's here's needles and then my my friend jerry clickstein was actually living in skid row for a while and he said the problem was you like throw these guys in like a apartment like oh here we're gonna give you housing and then they od and die and nobody finds them because they're by themselves rather if they're outside
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, that's true. And it's also it loses a lot of the allure. It's like, you know, if you're telling me, yes, I got to go to like in a professional office building to like go do heroin. I'm going to be like.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Where's my life going? Yeah, what is it? What the fuck am I doing? It's not the thrill of like, you know, you're getting it. It takes the rock and roll element out of it. I think good work. And it always is a personal choice. It is like, you know, it comes down to personal choice.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah, well, apparently they told you. They sent you to jail for fucking 15 years. So, dude, so you have a book. It's called Letters from Marion. I read it. I love the book, dude. I thought it was great. Thank you. The book was fantastic.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yes, I did. I did. I did. Actually, I parted it, too.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I've never tried this sock in the fucking pressure play at the end.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Got to wash the sock, yeah. Got to wash the sock.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
But not, I don't want to put it in the machine. Ah, true. You need to keep it pure. Yeah, you need to keep it pure. I get that. True. You don't want all those chemicals on you. So you were telling me this made me laugh a lot. So you go to trial. You took your case to trial. You fight it yourself, which, you know, that is honorable. You go take your case to trial.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
And then you were sentenced, like you said. What was the first thing you did upon sentencing? You go back to the cell. What was your play?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
I couldn't miss you. I'm obviously stealing your grip right now. I couldn't miss you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
That was that was your primary concern. You said going in, you didn't want to have to.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
You can say that. Yeah. It's your journey.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Dude, that's a real fucking fear. I'd be terrified, man, because you were down wearing like Kentucky.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
And also, I did like that. I have to say, so you're there, just being like, look, I've never tried sushi. I'm going to get that when I get out. I'm going to surf around the world when I get out. And it is funny to just jerk off. There's something serious about that level of acceptance to be like, this is my situation.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Because I feel like people in and out of jail struggle with that, of just accepting your lot in life and just kind of getting with the program rather than just constantly spinning yourself out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
You were wise. You were definitely at 22 to be like, all right, this is what it is. It's pretty crazy. I wouldn't have been able to take it. I would have been like, this is bullshit. I would have been in total denial, I think.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
So, yeah, we talked a little bit, and then we met. Dude, you're the fucking man. We met in Milwaukee. You gave the signed copies to Nate and AJ of your book.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 538 - LSD Supermax (feat. Joel Blaeser)
Yeah. So they were pissed. So they had to literally transport you from Milwaukee down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
That was the funniest. What? Hold on. I know you've told this story a million times, but can you please tell us that story? Which? The dressing up and... There's a couple of them. The Elmo.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Are you trying to catch a lawsuit? Yeah, 25, 50 is crazy. Yeah, I'd say the yellow, the yellow and green one. Yeah, true. The basic one.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
You wouldn't expect the from behind that was truly a master From behind it was from the front It was so in there like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
They're sorting it out. Sorry to interrupt.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah. You want to have sex with frogs all the time?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
You can't tell your family about those frogs. You can't tell anyone about that. You got to go to Muddle Hill. You got to get on a Zoom call and go, I want to fuck frogs. They go, holy shit. We got to help.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Still can't really go near any bodies of water. Really? Yeah, because due to the possibility of a frog would send me into a frenzy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, and all jokes aside, BetterHelp's a great company.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Also, I run through those things. And then just don't go back to the store.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Butterhill. Hey, we just got back from that fantastic ad read. Yes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, it was the best dick pill underwear.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
No one's going to think you're a loser this time. Dude, you guys, I always associate Kratom with Gas Digital. How could you not? And then I came down to Austin. Yo, Kratom presents Gas Digital.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
But then I came down here in Austin and it was one of those like Huberman said it works type shows.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
yeah like i don't think he did but like that type of mindset because down here that's what everyone is great heads no but like uh huberman dads huberman like zin is actually a neurotrophic dead so it's good for you like that okay one milligram you can't just enjoy anything it's got to be science yeah you can't just go yeah like it but uh they're like kratom's it they would just create them in nice bottles in the green room what the fuck are you guys doing
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Have we put this under the Rogan scope yet? No, it was under there. It was like, Joe, get your loop. He goes, oh, this. This is different.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
We'll be right back after another ad from heroin.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
It's coming. Sorry, guys. Got to do some light belt sanding. Yeah, it's on me. Hand up accountability. Honestly, I was told they'd be out of here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, Jay, don't come in here with a girlfriend bragging like that. Do not make me make fun of my girlfriend. It was more the assistant skills. That was a girlfriend brag and now I had to put my girlfriend down with her lack of skills.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Did anyone walk back there? I think the toilet's just exploding. What is it? Is there anyone in there? What the fuck?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
A lot to that thing, man. I take notes. Sometimes. If Gardini says something funny when he's drunk, I write it down. And then send it to him the next morning and go, remember when you said this? Someday, everyone will know I'm right. It's 2.30 in the morning on a Thursday. That's a Gardini guarantee.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Smoke looks good. Toilet back there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
It's not great. He goes, oh, shit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Smokey shit. Smoke turds. There's been turds trapped in the walls since day one. There's turds everywhere. I've never heard a plumber once do that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
No, never went to a crazy one. The craziest one was I think it was... Who's fucking part with Lewis?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
It was Zach's. That's a pretty wild bachelor party.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
But me and O'Connor, that was the first time I really, I think, did Molly. Oh, yeah? And I just sat on a couch. Oh, that wasn't Molly. That was actual ecstasy. It was great. Yeah, I was afraid of... I didn't talk to the women at all. And then I was on drugs watching Lewis, like... Yeah, bitch, come here, man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
He's very... Not he wasn't calling him a bitch, but he was very... Show your butthole, this lady. He was ready to party in that gear.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
That's fair. Yeah, I would feel the same way.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I feel like that'd be a nice fap sesh. No, I've hit the post, uh, like strip club. Yeah. Where you're like, I could have, uh, and then you go home and you're like, damn, this is cause you're horny while you're jacking off. You're like, damn, this would have been so much cooler with a fucking lady.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
We were all probably hitting the same commercial a couple times. Big time. You know how when it's like, if you look at the moon? Dude, I'm pretty sure. Any time on earth, if we stare at the moon at the same time. It's true. It's like, those girls gone wild.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, before the show, you're like, fuck, I don't have any material. Let's go back into the archives. Ah, gay pizza.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Get the fuck out of here, Stern.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
He does look like a witch. He does. Looks like a brouhaha. He is a brouhaha, dude. Howard Stern.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
He's a juhaha. He's a vitch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I wish I was on the road when Squiggle Vision... Yeah, Horny Dad with fucking... Horny Dad with Spice Channel.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
She smoked out a toilet.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Do you have this on your phone?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I can't wait to see this. It's pretty good.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I never caught the poop, but I've seen their other work.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
This might be a job for Reddit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
It's tough to get porn here. Governor Abbott's locking down the turd porn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I don't have a VPN for turd porn. It should be equal with child porn to me. If you're watching Turdborn, you should be in fucking prison. Getting beat up by other guys in there. They're like, you're the Turdborn guy?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
It's the best. You never used one?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I'd like to see it. I want to find it for you. I just had a bunch of scat pornography. He might be a shit porn guy. That's the number one shit porn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I don't like this stuff. It's in the file I have here. No, I don't like it. It's in my homework file. That's not true. You got the voice of a scatman. There's got to be one shitty one guy in this room.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, that might be the real deal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Chuck Berry farts, one of the funniest.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I love the lady's face.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
His head pops back out of it. Whoa, there it is. It's real.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Farting in hookers' faces is fucking wild.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
He must have, he filmed it. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Now we're talking. That's just a joke for you and me. No, that's not for the pod.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I'm like, that is quite bold. Pointing to that jar of almonds.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
The Almond Brothers. Come on now. Come on now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I don't know. I don't think they even did it back then.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Allegedly. Talking about it 50 years later. Yeah, it's fine.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
It stood the test of time. Kid pussy. Yeah, you know, it was right back in the day. Our whole government seems to disarray about it. The Epstein stuff went off. Society's collapsing over the weight of kid pussy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Long drive in a car, I go, this is going to be good. I'm going to get some material out of this. Just rap for three straight hours. I didn't have one thought the entire drive. But you got the premise. I was in rap career.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And then I'd show him my ding-a-ling, and we'd get out of there. My dad had a nice little creep growing up. Legendary pervert? Yeah, legendary pervert that would give you crimpits if you showed him your dick. What? Butterscotch? Butterscotch. Nice. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
According to Phil, he never did it. How is it shelf-stable and that moist?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
His one boy would go for it all the time and then split the crimpets with my dad. Phil was pimping out his boy. He was pimping.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Running kid dick to a weirdo.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I think you're just showing me your dick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
We were just watching To Catch a Predator. I know that's one of your all-time favorites.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
We did. We both had a Whole Foods desk.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Guess what's about to happen to you.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
You put me back on. You were like, I let the lead out. I said, it's been a while. You got to let it out. Dude, it was crazy. Shit rocks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
You're literally going to get shot by a pedophile, which sucks. That's such a shitty way to die.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Shot by a pedophile in a Buffalo Wild Wings parking lot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I just saw one that was very funny. The guy walks down the aisle, and he's like, all right, I knew this was coming. Hey. He's like, I know what you're up to. I know what I'm up to. Let me talk. He tried to amuse.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, my Whole Foods experience was much like my experience at the mall. Literally, I was like, I'm going to go to the grocery store. I got there. I was like, I don't even know what I want. I don't even know. I got chicken and bacon and eggs and left. That is why. I spent $30. Do you scan every aisle?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
You're having a special needs little person over and over again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
When he leaves... Yeah, I'm sorry. He runs around like the little guys in Halo? He does.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Just bust him at prom ten times. Taking the prom picture, and we got him. No! No! Now we're just fucking with you. Get out there and dance again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I've never seen someone grub that hard. But just, like, grub like it was while getting in trouble. He hit a fucking hard grub set. It's because he thought it was going to make him look more natural.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
And he's like, hmm. And he's like, you got the text? He's like, oh shit, you have the transcripts.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
would you like to kiss me frank yeah clear there's a cloth in the hallway that he opens you know that's normal would you like to he goes don't mind that that's video village back there we've talked about before but when they get indian guys it's the best just a foreigner that's just like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
It's like the South Park episode where he's like, I'm going undercover as a prostitute. Wow, Daddy, that sure was a lot of cum.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I'm going back to that house. And by the fourth time, it's like, no, I knew she was 20. Yeah. Yeah, this is a show.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, I came here to meet you, dude. I was trying to work my way up. That's a good move. You keep going to kids' houses and be like, where's Chris Hansen? I'm just trying to meet Chris Hansen.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, we're giving you guys some, any pedophiles out there, we're giving you some nice hacks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Guys who knew, guys in the 90s came.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I've shit in there like 10 times. Well, it was always because you do Real Ass Podcasts. It's at 11 a.m. Sure.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah. Now, can we get this over with and kiss?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
These are more good ideas.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Actually, we can wait a week if you want. It's up to you guys.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I'm selfishly like, let's just get rid of that entire camera, that angle, because I look like a blimp. Let's just do a head-on from above, the entire special.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, I think about it the whole time I'm on stage because I slouch like crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah. I do it the whole show because it's now I'm doing the round. So it's like half the the whole audience is seeing my hunched over back. And the weird thing I do with my hand behind my back, which I never thought anyone was going to see. The whole time I'm going like this. It's really fucked up. It sounds like I'm being conversational, but you can tell I'm obviously internally like, fuck.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I had somebody DM me like, were you doing hand signals? I wanted to know what the hand signals meant.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Your whole thing sucks. Ah, this sucks. Fuck you. It sucks. You can hear every single person. There's so many people, so someone's going to be like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
fuck you yeah turning around to be like what did you say sitting back down yeah that would hurt i was talking to the guys what's that okay i thought so you're just dad in the back of the car just like knock it off excuse me shut up back there okay okay i was uh last night i was talking to the are you garbage guys about it and that was like they were talking about a thing they don't like doing and i was like yeah i mean i thought i was i was like i'm done with trump i'm gonna stop doing trump first show i did one minute in a guy was like
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Do Trump right now. I was like, all right, I guess I'm doing Trump for the rest of my fucking career. Yeah, they yell out. You can hear them. Are you sick of doing it? Trump? No. I love doing it. Yeah, the material keeps coming. Yeah. Yeah, I got to. Well, this will be out. hopefully by the time SNL gets announced. So I'm gonna host SNL and it's like, I don't know what to say for my monologue.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I'm already like, oh shit. Because they tell you you're hosting pretty quick. You have like two weeks. You're like, oh fuck, what am I gonna say? And I was like, Trump will say something. He'll say something that week. He's gonna work on it. I'll just fucking make fun of that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah, because I don't like doing that. I think that sucks.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I think when comedians go out there and just every single comedian on earth is like, fuck Trump.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yeah. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I don't know. I've never seen him react to anyone doing an impression of him. That's true. I don't think anyone responds really well to that. If somebody does any impression...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Write it down. Dick too big for fourth grade. Notes. That'll come in handy in eight months.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
I have to wake up at like 9. Mm-hmm. And I was always late. So you got to get that morning dump when you get to the studio. And then bidet. And then you go, I've never tried this. It's this button. It's close. You had the mothership. God damn it. And was it awesome? You can't believe the accuracy. So why don't you? I thought it was going to hit me.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Yes, they went... Anti.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Dude, they got. Was it on? It was like a vacation with a coach.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Coach Sarkeesian to a cabin. Yeah, it was like a boy's vacation in the cabin. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Did you get anything at the gala?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
How much was she trying to raise her hand?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Dude, it was intense. Everybody I know will go to that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Sexual energy. Very sexual. In the gala. Everyone's laughing, drinking, spending money.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
Let me get you away from all this. Yeah, that's what I did when I was catering. You're going to take one of the parms.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 549 - White Elmo (feat. Big Jay Oakerson)
If I'm driving a hooker, I'm going to go, come on. I'm going to kiss. One kiss. They're never going to know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Of course.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
It's this one over here. Where you going?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Who's going to wipe his ass?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Like that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
That's fucking sick. From like $30.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 553 - Homies to Homeless (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)
Oh, yeah.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
No, it wasn't really great. I was at Westchester University. I remember the first show I ever did. The first time I ever went on the road, it was a hotel outside of Pittsburgh in Mars, Pennsylvania. And it was in like a hotel lobby. And I bombed so badly that the club owner took me aside and was like, what are you doing with your life? And I was like, I'm a college student.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
I'm studying to be a history teacher. He was like, why don't you just do that instead of stand-up? I was like, all right, man. I kind of took it to heart.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Yeah, exactly. I swear to God, it was in between shows. I still had a number of sets. I go up there like, this might be it. This is my retirement.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
You know it all. Well, I don't know. I like World War II. I like American Civil War. It's great. Yeah, right.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Yeah. I love them both. Yeah, yeah. I like the Civil War one I like better. It's so powerful. The West. Vietnam is great. His Vietnam documentary was great. Yeah. Yeah, because I didn't know shit about Vietnam.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
I did a bunch of Ken Burns material at my SNL monologue, and everyone was kind of like, what the fuck is he talking about? That was it. That was it. That was hilarious. It was recent, right? Yeah, every time my monologue doesn't go great on SNL, I'm 0 for 2 on those things. I loved it.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
I like it. Look, I like it, and I'm having fun up there. But it was... Tate McRae was the musical guest, so the audience was like... 20-year-old chicks just in the front, and I'm up there talking about fucking Shelby Foote and Ken Burns, Civil War. And they had no idea, literally. Just some ogre walked out onto the stage and talked about Shelby Foote. They were probably scared.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Right. I don't know. You guys probably know what it's like. It's kind of uncomfortable.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty uncomfortable, you know, with the imposter syndrome and depression and all that, but... You know, I just... I just drink a lot, so that helps.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Yeah, there was definitely some moments along the way. I mean, hosting SNL when I did that, that was one of those moments because I had gotten fired from the show before and I was like, I just wanted to do it. Yeah, for four days.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
It was, I don't know, but it was like, oh, great, we're going to go through this again. There was pressure because once they announced it, everyone's like, fuck him, don't let him back. And it's like... I was fine without it. I was, you know, I'm doing all right. But it was still awesome. And I was so happy they let me back on. And those people, everybody there has been, they've been awesome.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
But it was funny. Back to the original, the question was those moments. I was with my friend, Dan Soder. He's one of the best comedians. Super funny dude. His name is Dan Soder. He's unbelievably funny. But he was like one of the first people to take me on the road. And then he and I were doing an arena. We were doing like the Cleveland Cavaliers Arena.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
And I was standing in the tunnel before I went out there. And I looked at him and I was like, dude, I really just wanted to do a one-nighter at the local comedy club. I thought that was the ceiling. I don't know what the fuck this is. Hotel lobby would be nice. I don't know how I got here. This has gotten out of hand. Wow.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Yeah. Usually that happens when the joke doesn't land. Silence is even louder. There's fucking 20,000 silent people and you're standing there going, oh, fuck. That's much more powerful, yeah. That's a real powerful moment.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Yeah, yeah. It's the best feeling in the world watching one of your friends bomb. There's nothing better. It's the most fun possible thing. But yeah, that happens.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
There should be. And you think you have one. Like, a good example is The Cellar is a perfect example because it's, like, four different rooms. And so, like, I would do... There was one night I did The Village Underground, which is a great room downstairs. It's one of my favorite rooms in the country. But I killed. I was doing... It was crazy how... I couldn't believe how good it was.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
And then I was on next upstairs. So I literally walked offstage and walked onstage upstairs. And in your head, you're like, oh, I just... You go on with the same confidence you just had from killing. Where you're like, this crowd, wait till they fucking see this. The first joke doesn't work and you're just immediately crushed. And so it's kind of a mix of the crowd and you.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
You went up there kind of fucking arrogant. And then as soon as they fucking shut you down, you're like, I just shut down completely. And then... At the end of my set, I did like a fucking Trump joke and they all laughed and I was like, fuck you guys. You guys hated me this whole time. You don't get to laugh now. I hate you guys.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
I don't mind it. I really like acting, especially on Tires, because that's just me and my friends. It's all just our friends, so we can kind of fuck around, and you don't really have, you know, you can improv a little on that. Gotcha. I do have some kind of real acting coming up in a couple weeks, and I'm pretty nervous about that. We'll see how that goes.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Yeah, it's scary. And it's with real actors, and that's going to be... Yeah. Oh, boy. I mean, not real actors. I'm not, like, shitting on my... friends. But yes, you are. Yeah, you are. No, this one's real. It's not that bullshit.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
They... Yeah, they weren't on board for a long time. And then, especially early, like I did a YouTube special. It was like the first thing I put out. And in it, I talk about my sister. And her addiction, I talk about my sister doing heroin on a YouTube special, and she was like, what the fuck? I was like, trust me. Trust me. It's going to work for us. Just hang on. Trust me.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
It's going to pay off for me. It's going to pay off for me. All right. Oh, my God. No, she got an apartment and a Chevy Cruze out of it. She's all right. Okay, sure, sure. Chevy Cruze. There you go.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
I'm not married. I have a girlfriend. She lives here with me in Austin. She comes on the road sometimes. If it's like a cool venue, she'll come. Like this weekend, I'm going to, tomorrow I got to go to Knoxville, Tennessee, and then Birmingham, Alabama. So I think she's going to sit this one out. Okay. She's not coming.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Because if you haven't emptied, you know... The shit goes away right away. The adrenaline of the stand-up, the shit goes away. The headache goes away. Because I've done a lot of shows hungover. And I've been like, oh, this is going to be terrible. And then as soon as you get on stage... It cures it.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Other than one, I had one show. I did Crypto Arena in L.A., and I did the forum the night before. It was the best week ever. I did the Greek the night before, then the forum, then Crypto. Wow. It was incredible. But after the forum, I'm buddies with Post Malone, and he came to the show. We're hanging out, and it's like 2 a.m. after the show. I have to do Crypto in the morning, but he was like,
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
do you want to come to my studio and listen to my new album? And I was like, yeah, definitely. So then he kept us there and we drank till like 6 a.m. And the whole time I was looking at my watch like, oh shit. So then I wake up and it's, I wake up at like 4 p.m. The car is outside to take me to my next show. And I was like, all right, this hangover will go away. I've done this a million times.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
The hangover just didn't go away on stage. And I kind of fucking bombed at Crypto.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Yeah, it was like the biggest show of my life. Did you let the crowd know? They could see it. There was a jumbo drone on my face.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
I literally just started a trainer. I'm on week two. I got to go to that today. Good for you. I saw some photos and I was like, all right, it's time to.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
I need it. Otherwise, I would, you know, after this, I would go, well, that was tough. That was a long day. I'm going to take a nap.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Yeah, for sure. People are like, yeah, that's the only thing I do really. People are like, what else do you do? It's like, no, that's kind of it.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
trainer maybe go to the gym buy the xbox then uh sure pretty pathetic what's the current what's the current xbox um uh favorite uh right now i there's a game called hell that loose that's uh It's pretty awesome. It's just a World War II... What's it called? Hell Let Loose. Hell Let Loose. Is there a headset involved with this? There is. People take it very seriously, which is pretty funny.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Yeah, it's multiplayer, and guys take it very seriously. It's like a World War II simulation, so there's no radar or anything. Like, it's... It's very funny. There's guys, like, you'll hear, you'll turn your headphone on, guys will be like, I need ammo on this hill. Where are the, where the fuck are you? It's pretty funny. It's really funny.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Yeah, now I'm friends with both of them. It's crazy. I was just in Ohio. I was just at Dave's house. Two weeks ago. Wow. And he built a club and he basically owns the entire town. He does this thing where he brings in music to this small town like an hour outside of Columbus, Ohio. I was there a couple weeks ago and it was like Wu-Tang was there. What?
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Tiny 200-seat room in an old firehouse in Yellow Springs, Ohio. I mean, it's crazy what he's doing.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
I don't think I'm good enough to build a town. I do want to be in Wu-Tang. I don't smoke weed, but I had to smoke a lot.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
I think that would require a lot of longevity, and we'll see. We'll see if I have it. I think you'll have it.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
It rose too fast. And now people are going to go, all right, that guy, the fucking Bud Light commercial guy, get him out of here.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
I'm a big fan. Big fan of all three of you guys. You guys are awesome. Thank you. Thank you, Shane. Back at you. Thanks for being here. Thank you for being here. You're a great dude.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
And how is it in Austin? It's all right. It kind of sucks. It's hot and humid. Hot already? I don't love it. I don't love it. Yeah, it's hot. It's going to be hot until December. Wow. It's one of the worst places I've ever lived.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
It's literally the Colorado River. I don't know. They call it a lake. I have no idea.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
I didn't know that either. Is that something that happens down there? Yeah, it's just the Colorado River. And it doesn't even look like a lake. It's just a river. There's just nothing lake about it at all. You could throw a rock across it.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
he's right here he's got a gun to my head he's down there right yeah he's down here and he opened a club here and it was either for a comedian it's either New York LA or that was always the only two options and then he opened a club here so you can you know you can evade some taxes and do stand up here now he was a stand up right and then I remember he was on one of the greatest shows ever news radio so he was an actor for a minute right but he did start a stand up didn't he he's still I mean he's done stand up the entire time
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Yeah, no, I want to hear it right now. No, it's going to be, Will doesn't want to hear it because it's flattering. Well, that's what I thought. I was like... So they asked me to help write for the movie. And I was like, if I write any material that's good, I need to keep it because I have nothing. So I was like, the only way to do it is just to actually do stand-up.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
So he came down and we did stand-up. And I was like, he's going to fucking bomb. This is a lot harder than he thinks. And he was so naturally funny right away. I was in the back of the room like...
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
I mean, I think it's kind of, I mean, yeah, it's a skill, I guess, but it's also like, that's kind of how I feel most of the time, you know? Like I don't, I don't like picking a side on, I don't know, publicly picking a side on an issue typically comes back to make you look like a fucking idiot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I don't know.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
I mean, unless it's like a glaring thing that you should support. Whatever. But I want to go back to the Austin thing. So the first show we went up and it was fine. The second show we did like an hour later, it was great. And it was really frustrating how good you were at it. Oh, with Will? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was reading a script and it was still funny.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
No, he wasn't. They did it themselves. In fact, I read the material first and I was like, I don't think this is going to fucking work. So wait, so what type of... I didn't want to say anything.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
uh it was it was more storytelling but it was uh it was exactly how i like the stand-up it was it was stories with jokes with jokes within it which was do you remember any of it willie or have you deleted the files can you give us a taste no well a lot of it as shane knows he read it because a lot of it is stuff that we use uh in the film so we're working on it so it's various stages of
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
No, we were laughing. I was just at the Cellar this week and we were laughing because there's a comedian there. His name's Will Silvance. And Will's playing a character on stage. And after the show, he goes on with the comedian and asks questions about the set. And I think he took the set very seriously. It was like... Man, I'm really sorry you're going through all that. Oh, really?
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Yeah, I would say yeah, although, I don't know, I used to be a lot better at it. Now I'm kind of just, I should be like that, and I'm not. Okay, great. I got to work on that. I got to go back to only thinking about stand-up. Okay, for real? Yeah, I mean, otherwise, I don't know. You feel like you're not coming up with any new material.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
I just kind of, I go, this could be a good idea, and then I go on stage and try it. And if I get it, great.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
no i mean you yeah you do that for like like i'll do if i did stand up tonight i would do basically 10 minutes that i know i know but i just know every word to it and then i'd maybe try five minutes and see what happens and uh probably abandon it and then have one of my friends in like four or five months go hey that was a funny idea and then i'll try it again
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
I think they do that sometimes. I told them I didn't really – I wouldn't want a date on it, maybe 2026, because I got to – Right now I'm doing arenas, and I don't think the best way to work an hour out is in an arena because it's just different. I don't know. I think I'll do arenas for maybe the rest of this year and then go down back to clubs and really... the hour that I'm doing right now.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
Yeah, I was washing dishes at my friend's restaurant, and I always thought I was funny, and I just had no idea how to get into stand-up. And then one of the cooks was like, I'm going to go to open mic at the Harrisburg Comedy Zone tonight. And I was like, oh, you can just do stand-up? And he was like, yeah. So I went and I watched. And I thought everyone sucked. And I was like, I can do that.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
And then I went back every week for like two months just watching. And then I finally got on stage and I fucking bombed. I was like, I don't have to write any material. I'm just funny. I just got up there and couldn't talk. It was crazy how bad it was. Right, right. Yeah. Stopped for a while after that traumatic experience, but I always still wanted to do it.
SmartLess
"Shane Gillis"
And then eventually I went back and really applied myself and tried and did it.
We Might Be Drunk
Ep 197: Simon Recs (Rex)
You know, there's talk about some Donald financial problems in Atlantic City, and I said that Donald took his daughter for a drive through Atlantic City and said, someday, honey, your name will be at the top of all these buildings. That's if you marry a guy named Borgata.