John R. Miles

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Well, there are those things that you end up hearing. For me, how many people here know who Robin Sharma is, the author? So I happened to be talking to Robin. And as we were talking, we were talking about how many people are on their phones and disconnected and everything else.

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And he said to me, John, you can either decide to change the world or you can be absorbed in your phone, but you can't do both. And it just got me thinking, what he was really talking about is how you spend your time. And are you spending it on what matters most to you and to the people that you want to influence? So these things really carry weight.

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We definitely do. I actually had a moment with Marshall Goldsmith, if anyone knows who that leadership coach is, where I did a podcast interview with him. And then afterwards, he said, do you have a few minutes? And I said, sure, Marshall. What can I do for you? And he goes, I actually have some coaching for you. So he ends up giving me.

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OK.

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the earned life is his most recent one, but the one he's most famous for is what got you here won't get you there, which was really important to me in my career, but he was giving me direct feedback on the way that I was asking questions, and it turns out that he was right, and he noticed something subtle in the way that I was doing it. What was it?

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He said that the way I was doing it is I was opening myself up for the other person to take advantage of me in the way that I was trying to be nice in the way that I was asking it, but I wasn't being forceful enough in my delivery. And he gave me a couple of examples.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become Passion Struck. Welcome to Passion Struck episode 604.

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But after it, I went back and looked at a bunch of the past episodes I'd done and how I was interviewing, and he was absolutely right. And some people had actually done it. So that was interesting to see how that worked.

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But I never know what I'm going to find on a podcast.

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So I want to go through some of my favorite lines that you had in the book.

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So for those of you who've never heard of the Passion Struck podcast, we do a lot around behavioral science. So habits are something that are top of mind for me. So you write that habits are the invisible architecture of everyday life. And when I think about this, I remember I was talking to

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a behavioral scientist named Michelle Seager at the University of Michigan, and she said, our life is determined by the micro choices that we make. And it really gets down to these tiny habits that you talk about. What habit or shift has most changed you?

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So I think Picasso is a great segue to the next question, which is going to be about Picasso.

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So in the book you have this saying, own your fakes.

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Are you painting your own fakes? And this was one of my favorite stories that you wrote about, so I was hoping you might be able to share it.

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Whether this is your first time tuning in, or you've been with us for a while, thank you for joining a movement that's all about defying limits, living with intention, and making what truly matters matter most. Now let me ask you something. What if the biggest breakthroughs in life aren't about chasing something new, but finally seeing what's been true all along?

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I love it. That was one of my favorite ones.

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So I now want to ask you about a contradiction. You write, love says that you're the best.

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Okay. You write, love says you're the best, and love says you can do better.

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How do we hold space for both in our relationships? Right?

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Absolutely the truth.

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So, this next one kind of goes into work situations and family situations. And you're right, we care for many people we don't particularly care for. What's the deeper wisdom here?

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And is that where you need boundaries?

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Okay. You say more friends, more safety. How can adults build that kind of meaningful friendships that protect us, not just socially, but also emotionally?

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What if wisdom isn't reserved for milestones, but built moment by moment in the small choices, the quiet reflections, the everyday acts of courage? And what if the secret to building a better life isn't about becoming someone else, but becoming more deeply yourself? Today, we explore those ideas with one of the world's most beloved guides to happiness, habits, and human nature, Gretchen Rubin.

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No, I'm so glad you covered that. I happened to be interviewing this person, Rick Hansen, Dr. Rick Hansen, and he told me a similar story. He is part of the leadership on this thing called the Global Compassion

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And they had this thing that they call compassion circles. And it's basically something where the world needs more compassion, and they give you all the tools that if you're in your local community, you can start your own compassion circle. And I liken it kind of to a small church group type of setting, but you would do it around compassion or gratitude or something else.

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But what I love about what they're doing is they give you motivational videos. They give you the tool set to create the group. And it's a great way if you want to bring people together to rally around a good cause.

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Gretchen is the number one New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness Project, The Four Tendencies, Better Than Before, and Life in Five Senses. And she's back with her newest work, Secrets of Adulthood, a distillation of the hard-won lessons, insights and truths that help us live more wisely, intentionally and joyfully.

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So Gretchen, this was one of my favorite ones. given I've got a creative bent to me. And I think it's so true. To make something beautiful, it's often necessary to add a touch of ugly.

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I do.

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I absolutely do because I think for me as I'm writing or even if I'm doing a podcast solo episode, sometimes it gets really ugly and then it's in that ugliness that the inspiration hits and I find something beautiful in it. For instance, my episode tomorrow is on serendipity and I started to look at this reciprocal nature between the need to matter and serendipity.

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moments that happened, but it came out of a bad moment for me, an ugly moment that actually I discovered how much these tiny events can make us feel like we matter. Or in this case, it was one where I didn't feel like I mattered at all. And so it just made me remind me of that situation.

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Well, and this is something I found throughout my entire life journey. We often change what's easy to change rather than what needs to change.

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You're killing me. And I'm a big idea person, so this one really I leaned in on. Pouring out ideas is better for the imagination than doling them out by the teaspoon.

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We recorded this conversation live in front of a vibrant packed house of over 200 people at the beautiful Oxford Exchange in Tampa, Florida. The energy, the laughter, and the moments of reflection made this one of my favorite events yet, and I can't wait for you to experience it. In today's episode, we dive into why aphorisms carry power in an overwhelming world.

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I do.

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Absolutely. So then I wanted to just ask you a couple questions about the last section, which really gets into tough decisions, pain, and getting it wrong is the ones I picked from. You say whenever we choose one path, we must forego others. How do we deal with the regret that comes with making those decisions?

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So no one in this room really knows my background, but I spent a number of years working for Lowe's and Dell and here locally, Catalina Marketing. But I was a senior executive at Lowe's. And I remember I was meeting with our chief operating officer. I had just become the chief data officer.

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he said to me, John, you guys are absolutely phenomenal at creating solutions, but by the time we get them in the business, they're absolutely obsolete. So it made me think of this, don't judge the wisdom of a decision by its outcome, but that kind of Time has a factor, I think, in those decisions was my point.

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Okay, and this was the last one I really wanted to dive into. The place that hurts isn't always the place that's injured.

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How self-knowledge is the foundation for lasting happiness. what it really means to accept yourself and expect more from yourself, and how small shifts in perspective can change the course of life. This conversation also feels special because PassionStruck was recently honored with the Gold Stevie Award for Best Independent Podcast at the 2025 American Business Awards.

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So Gretchen, I wanted to ask you a couple non-book related, just fun questions.

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Okay, so the first one is you get to be on the late, late night show and you're in a car and you're gonna do car karaoke. Who, what performer would you want to be in the car with?

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Oh, wow. Why?

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OK, and this next question came off of me reading this. A quest is more fun than a jaunt. So I have a lot of friends who happen to be astronauts.

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Did you all know that we have an astronaut that lives in St. Pete, Nicole Stott? Yes. And she runs this great organization doing space art. So she's one. But one of my best friends from the Naval Academy, Chris Cassidy, was the chief astronaut. So through him, I met all these other astronauts. And when I was at the Academy, my...

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physics teacher who was my mentor, Wendy Lawrence, became the first female Naval Academy graduate to go into space. And so she got selected. So through them, I've met a bunch of astronauts.

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People in space. Well, here's where I'm going with this. So you get selected by NASA to be one of the first astronauts who's going to Mars. And when you get up there, you can put a design principle in place for humanity once you get there. What would your design? It could be a philosophy. It could be something you don't want people to do. It could be advice you give.

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What would you give to that planet?

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Be kind.

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No, it's a good one.

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No, that's a good one. So I wanted to now turn this over to some of you in the audience, and we wanted to allow you the opportunity to give.

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It's a reminder that building lives of meaning and mattering truly resonates. Check the show notes for more information. And if you're new to PassionStruck, don't miss our episode starter packs, theme playlists on resilience, mindset, leadership, and emotional mastery at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or directly on Spotify. And this past week, we had some unforgettable conversations.

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Can I just answer that by just saying how hard it is to write a children's book? Because I just wrote one.

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Yeah, I just wrote one. And it's for four to eight-year-olds. But to get it down, I mean, I'm used to writing.

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I do Toastmasters, and it's kind of like Toastmasters because you're trying to collapse a keynote speech into seven minutes. And that's what I found the analogy to writing a children's book is because we typically write in 2,000 to 4,000 word chapters, sometimes a little bit longer than that. So for me, it was trying to get from 3,000 words to 1,000

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down to somewhere under 700 and to do it in a way that you're talking to a four year old. And it is so difficult and what I realized doing it is the pictures have to do so much of the words for you in the story. So it was a completely different experience for me. But it's actually made my other writing better because I've gotten a lot more succinct in how I'm writing.

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I'm going to steal that one. That's a great way to open a podcast.

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Last Tuesday, I spoke with meditation master, Yonge Mingorumpashe.

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about why joy is already within you even in suffering on thursday we explored how sponsorship not just mentorship shapes careers with dr rosalind chow and on friday i sat down with olympic silver medalist tom sharr on failing 999 times and still winning now let's jump into this deeply personal and thought-provoking conversation with the one and only gretchen rubin

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And I know you've been dying to ask your question.

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recorded live at Oxford Exchange in Tampa. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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And, and I'm going to ironically just echo what you said, because I get up at five, I walk, I walk my dog. And then by six, when I'm writing, I'm in front of the computer till nine. Because I'm like you, I'm front loaded with energy.

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And I, and I was telling Gretchen before we came in here, as I was writing this most recent book, I was trying to figure out a framework for the book.

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And some of you might have heard of the Heath brothers, Chip and Dan Heath.

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So for me, reaching out to Dan Heath is like reaching out to Gretchen. Would he even talk to me? So I said, I'm having a real struggle trying to put my...

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my thoughts around this book and I keep writing chapters and it just doesn't feel like it's flowing and he said the thing is you're trying to put the framework in front of the questions and he said you need to start asking the right questions and the right questions are going to lead you to the framework and when I started to do that it did exactly what what he said it was going to do.

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So it's interesting, because to me, sometimes that blank page is the hardest thing. But I do the same thing as you. The editor always wants that introduction so early, but I feel like I don't have it until I get farther into the book. I know.

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And we have a couple up here up front, but our microphones don't stretch that far.

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So we're doing two things at once. We're taping an episode of Passion Struck, which you're all going to be part of. And we're doing this interview for you here as well. So I am so excited to do this with my friend Gretchen Rubin. This will be the third time I've interviewed Gretchen. And the first time we were talking about this book, which many of you have read. And then the last time we talked,

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It was actually about life and five senses. And I was telling her as we were backstage that the first time that we talked about life and five senses, it was coming right off of COVID. And I had, like many people who had gotten COVID, this period where all of a sudden I completely lost two of my senses, taste and smell. And I ended up losing them for a really long time.

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So we have time for two more questions. And I wanted to ask, does anyone have a podcasting question?

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Oh, yes. Well, I don't know if anyone knows the podcaster Jordan Harmiger. Jordan's been doing this almost longer than anyone. I remember when I was thinking of starting five years ago, I asked him, what's your advice, Jordan? He goes, my advice is to not do it. He just wants to develop.

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I think what he was saying is you don't realize until you get into it how much work it is to keep it up. And that's where he was going.

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But I asked him about a year into it, why did you say that to me? He goes, well, if I warned you like that and you still did it.

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I would say that whether it's one of our podcasts or Joe Rogan or Jay Shetty or Mel Robbins, whoever it is, what I learned early on was when I first started, I ended up studying like 600 different podcasts and I listened and I'm one of these people that I want to get it right when I get it right, especially... when you're putting out your own voice in the world.

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But I found that I was trying to emulate them more than I was leaning into my own, you know, vulnerabilities, strengths, whatever you want to call them. And what I realized about six months into it is people don't go to

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my podcast necessarily because Gretchen's on it, even though Gretchen's a great guest, it could be Michelle Obama, it could be whoever, they end up coming back because they like the way that you ask questions or the way that you handle the podcast. So I think that's a very important learning lesson and then

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So I lost it for almost seven weeks. And there was a point in time when I was really worried, is it ever going to even come back? But what's happened to me since then is any time I get a common cold now, I am losing taste and smell again.

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Another one I learned by a gentleman who just made it into the Podcast Hall of Fame is he has the longest running podcast about Disney World. I think he's been doing it now for 15 years. And I remember he told me that when he is behind the mic, he never knows who he's going to be talking to. And this could be...

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a last person's wish that they get to go to Disney World and they might have a terminal illness. Or it could be someone's looking for hope in their life. And so when I think of podcasting, I think it's one of the last mediums that we have where you get an opportunity, if you're a host, to talk individually to your audience. what I always lean into is you never know how those people are feeling.

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And maybe you've got that bit of wisdom that that one person needs. And so I've always looked at it as is not that I'm trying to touch thousands, but how do I touch one person with the message? And especially when I was doing my solo episodes, how do you not deliver it as something you want, but how do you deliver this as something your audience is going to get benefit from?

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And so those would be some of my advices. And we have time for one more.

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And then I had one last question for you, Gretchen. And you've been on this book tour. You're nearing the end of it. And today is a fabulous gathering of people. So thank you all for coming, because I agree with all of you how great Gretchen's works are and how many people it's impacted. But I always know when I write a book, I want to know I always wanted people who are reading it to use it.

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So I just went through this about two weeks ago, and I was telling her it reminded me of the book, because when you lose two of your senses or any one of your senses, you don't realize how much it impacts you. Maybe you can just tell the story of you went to the dentist and that kind of launched this whole book.

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How do you hope the people in this room and people who are going to be listening to this use your book?

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Well, and the last thing I want to do was thank the Oxford Exchange because... Yes, I came here for lunch today.

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Thank you so much for doing this, Gretchen. And I've lived in Tampa for 15 years, and I've lived in St. Pete the whole time. And Gretchen and I were talking, like, when you see the Oxford Exchange, it's like one of the best jewels that I think the area... And it reminds me of being in like downtown Philly or New York. But it's such a fantastic venue.

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So I hope we get to come back and do a lot more of these. But thank you so much for coming to Tampa.

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Thank you. And that's a wrap on this insightful, thought-provoking conversation with Gretchen Rubin. From the power of a well-timed aphorism to the importance of knowing and accepting ourselves to the realization that adulthood isn't about arriving, but continually evolving. Gretchen's work reminds us that wisdom doesn't always come with age. It comes with awareness.

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Here are a few key takeaways I invite you to reflect on. Happiness is built not on perfection, but on self-knowledge and intentional growth. A single sentence remembered at the right time can change everything. Self-acceptance and ambition are not opposites, they're partners. And adulthood isn't about mastering life, it's about mastering how we live with life's complexities.

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Oh, eye doctor.

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If today's conversation resonated with you, I'd be so grateful if you could take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review on Apple or Spotify. Every review helps PassionStruck grow and reach even more people who are ready to ignite their potential and lead intentional lives.

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For links, highlights, and resources from today's episode with Gretchen, including video highlights, head over to passionstart.com or watch the full interview on my YouTube channel. If you're interested in bringing this kind of high-impact storytelling leadership development to your company or team, Visit JohnRMiles.com slash speaking to learn how we can work together.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck, I'm joined by Elizabeth Weingarten for a deeply moving conversation about how to fall in love with questions and why uncertainty rather than clarity might be the key to unlocking a more meaningful life.

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Until then, remember, sometimes the greatest wisdom doesn't just come from having all the answers. It comes from learning how to live those questions well. Live boldly, lead with intention, and above all, live life passion-struck.

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And I have to ask, do you still keep up the habit of going to the museum?

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That's awesome.

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So Gretchen, as I was prepping for this, I happened to be going through some of your older blogs. And one came up from 2018. And you were actually on the process of launching the Four Tendencies. But in it, you had this list of about 25 secrets of adulthood, essentially. And so this is something you've obviously been thinking about for a long time.

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Why did you think now was the right time to bring this out?

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And as I was reading the book, you say you originally wrote it for your daughters. And then as you were doing it, you realized it was more for yourself, actually.

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And I kind of went through with PassionStruck kind of the same thing because I was trying to, I live here in Tampa and I've got my son graduated from USF, my daughter's at UF, and I wanted to give them kind of the same thing, my life advice. And as I was writing it, I think any book you end up writing becomes your own personal journey. that you put on page, do you kind of feel the same thing?

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So I just wanted to ask, is anyone in the room an author?

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Well, congrats.

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Well, I always love Gretchen's story in it because you see her up here in front of you and you think, she's an overnight success. She's sold 3 and 1 half million books. But when I go back into your story, it wasn't your first book that hit or the second.

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And so it showed me something that I've loved about you from the beginning, which is it was your passion just for writing, which always drove you to create what you were creating. And it just became the output eventually caught on. But it didn't deter you from putting your ideas and words into the world, so to speak.

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I know the feeling because I was telling her I just got done my first draft of my latest book, and when I'm writing, it's like the rest of the world melts away, which the podcast team does not like because I get so distracted. Well, in the book, in the intro, you say sometimes a single sentence can provide all the insight we need.

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Can you share an example when one of these secrets gave you unexpected clarity?

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No, someone else's.

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Dr. Dave Vago on the Neuroscience of Mattering: How to Feel Valued & Seen | EP 565

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Your cell phone's out of battery and you got to start pushing it. And at first, in order to get momentum, you have to have a burst of energy. to get it going. And then after that, it gets easy. But I keep thinking to myself, what is this burst that needs to happen to get people to start waking up to the enormous number of things that aren't working?

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Because there's got to be something that's tying through all of it, I feel. I'm not sure your thoughts on that.

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But in today's hyper-distracted, fast-paced world, the question, do I matter, is one many of us wrestle with in silence. Today, we are diving into this life-altering topic, but from a fresh and profound perspective, through the lens of neuroscience, mindfulness, and the mind-body connection.

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Before we dive into this transformative conversation, let's take a moment to highlight the incredible episodes we had last week. On Tuesday, I spoke with number one New York Times bestselling author Dan Heath, who shared insights from his latest book, Reset. How to Change What's Not Working.

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What you just said was so profound. I'm almost speechless on where to go with this, but I'm going to follow up on a number of different things. And have you seen David Attenborough's documentary on Netflix?

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Well, what I've been telling everyone I know that I can to watch this because he profiles his whole life being out in wilderness. And he showcases just the tremendous awe he experienced when he was in his 20s first going out. And then he profiles what has happened in areas around the world and the magnitude of the changes that are happening.

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And what he was saying, the undercurrent of impact that it's having not only on the planet, but nature and the spiritual elements that connect all inhabitants of the planet. And I thought it was one of the most profound things I've watched in a while. The first people I told to watch it were my kids. But I'll put that out there. But I am so glad you brought up the spiritual angle because...

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We explored how identifying leverage points can help you break through inertia and create lasting, meaningful change in your habits, relationships, and systems. Then, on Thursday, I had the honor of hosting Dr. Allison Woodbrooks, Harvard professor and author of the new book, Talk, The Science of Conversation, The Art of Being Ourselves.

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It is something that I've started to make more a focus and is going to be a core focus in next year's episode. I have Andy Newberg coming on, Rick Hansen. I've got a whole bunch of people coming on to talk about spirituality and science. Recently had Lisa Miller talking about the science of spirituality as well. So I want to go back to Dacker for a second because when

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I interviewed Dacker and I love to bring him up on this podcast because I love his research. We were talking about the different forms of awe and how it presents itself. And the most prevalent, he told me, was moral beauty, meaning the most...

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common way we experience uh is by observing moral beauty which is acts of kindness or compassion that either we are doing or we're witnessing someone do it for another human

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And when I get back to what you were talking about and us feeling a connection, I can't help but think of this term mattering again and that moral beauty, because to me, when we are performing acts of service or we're witnessing others perform acts of moral beauty, that really does ignite that sense of mattering, so to speak. Do you see that connection as well?

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In that conversation, we delved into the power of intentional dialogue and how communication can deepen connections, foster belonging, and remind us all that we matter. And lastly, if you missed my solo episode, I discussed how deep work is one of the most transformative tools for unleashing the five keys to mattering in your life.

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No, I agree. And earlier in the week, I was interviewing Alison Woodbrooks. Not sure if you're familiar with her, but she's a professor at Harvard Business School and teaches this fun class called How to Talk Gooder in Business and Life. But what we were talking about is the science of conversation. And she said to me, the thing people don't really get with conversation is that it helps you

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either to be seen or in its absence to be unseen. And it really got me thinking of how surface level the way people listen to others is today, meaning we don't really do deep listening, deep probing. And I think when we don't allow others to hold space, when we truly aren't involved in what they're saying, it does impact their self worth and causes people to shut down.

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To me, it was an interesting way to think about it. Have you ever thought about that from that standpoint?

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It's an approach to reclaim focus, redefine priorities, and live with greater purpose. Be sure to give it a listen if you're looking to make more intentional choices in every day of your life. For those of you new to the show, welcome. You have just joined a global community dedicated to living with purpose, unlocking potential, and making a lasting impact.

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It's interesting. I was doing just getting into improv. a couple of years ago and one of the first exercises that we had to do was what you just described. We had no idea it was coming, but they made us dance around the room and then they said, stop and turn around.

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And then they made us stare at the other person for five minutes and they made us try by not using words, but just looking at each other to try to convey a piece of ourself to the other person. And when you do that, especially

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With someone you don't know, it's really uncomfortable, I have to say, but really profound in what it's like to be in quiet in the presence of someone else's space, so to speak.

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With over 560 episodes, I know it can feel overwhelming, so we've curated episode starter packs to help you get started. Whether you're exploring things like how to take back your power, emotional well-being, how to change what's not working, or what is the key to longevity, these curated playlists will guide you on your intentional journey.

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Yeah. And the way I was trying to wrap my head around this is I was thinking of Louise Hay's mirror work and in her practice, you're really putting a mirror in front of yourself to look at yourself.

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But when we're speaking with someone, we're really not only putting a mirror up to them, but through what they're saying and their experiences, we're really putting a mirror back onto ourselves and how we can relate to the other person, because there is this I think commonality in certain things that make us all feel like we belong.

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And I see, I think even though someone else's story is different, I think we can see ourselves in it is where I'm going with it.

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You can find them on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs. And if you're looking for more inspiration, don't forget to sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter. Each week, I share exclusive tools, strategies, and insights to help you put the lessons from those episodes into practice.

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Yeah, not only essential, it may be foundational to do it. I'm just hearing you talk about it. Well, Dave, in contemplative practices, the concept of decentering plays a significant role. How does that ability to decenter from one's thoughts and emotions impact our view of ourself and our self-worth and how we're showing up for others?

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And if you prefer watching these conversations, be sure to check out our YouTube channel where you'll find full episodes, highlights, and shareable content to inspire those in your life. Finally, if this episode or any other resonates with you, I'd love for you to take a moment to leave us a five-star review.

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Your feedback not only helps the show reach more people, but it fuels the passion-struck mission of spreading intentional living to individuals and organizations around the world. Now, let's turn our attention to today's guest, my friend, Dr. David Vago.

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So I guess a good way to think about this is I think about it in myself is what you're talking about is the sticky nature of thoughts. And it's these thoughts that create the self-critical thought patterns that really at times undermine our feelings of ourselves flourishing or perhaps having purpose or being as good as we could be.

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And I remember when I was going through cognitive processing therapy, which is a sub layer of CBT, this whole concept of stuck points, which to me relates to those sticky knots that you're talking about. And in order to break the stuck point,

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I had to start, like you were saying, decentering, start releasing that, the probability of that stuck point happening 99% of the time compared to the 1% of time that it happened that was holding me back type of thing and letting it go. And once you process it and you let it go, it's a freeing mechanism, so to speak.

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In his previous appearance in episode 123, we did a deep dive on self-transcendence and how we can rise beyond our individual selves to connect with something greater. Today, we're building on that foundation to answer the question, How can I create a life where I truly matter? Dr. Vago brings unparalleled expertise in neuroscience, mindfulness, and integrative medicine.

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His groundbreaking work bridges cutting-edge science with ancient contemplative wisdom. Today, we're going to explore how mattering is tied to the very fabric of human flourishing, the neuroscience behind feeling valued and connected, how mindfulness and meditation connect, can help dissolve feelings of insignificance and foster a deepened sense of self.

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Isn't that some of the work David Yadin is doing?

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that contributes to your better health and well-being so maybe i guess as a connector to that you have a model that combines self-awareness self-regulation and self-transcendence yes Can you describe that model?

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And I guess what I'm looking for is, can you describe them and then how can these principles when applied to someone maybe help someone overcome this feeling that they don't matter or that they don't hold space or they're stuck? How could these benefit someone who's in that position?

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And lastly, practical tools to help you create environments where you and those around you know you matter. Whether you're seeking to deepen your relationships, find greater self-worth, or inspire meaningful change in your community, this episode will equip you with the tools to take action. I always love having Dave on the show because it is such a deep conversation.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. Hey, PassionStruck listeners. I am absolutely thrilled to bring back on the show Dr. Dave Vago. Welcome, Dave.

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Absolutely. And I had a really interesting conversation with Angela Duckworth because I was telling her that I really love her work on grit, but I, in this conversation said, I think you missed an important ingredient, Angela, and I call it intentionality. And she equates intentionality to self-regulation or self-control, which I, learned as a whole major focus of her.

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And she said, I'm not going to disagree with you that it doesn't play a profound role because it does. But she looked at it as two different things. I look at it as combined, meaning you've got to have self-regulation on where you're applying your grit or you're going to apply it to the wrong areas of your life anyway.

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Thank you for that. And last time you were on the show was episode 123. And today I recorded episode 546. A little bit of time has passed. And there have been a lot of changes in your life since then. When I recorded this last one, you were at Vanderbilt. You've now moved, if I have it right, across the country.

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Unfortunately, I lost my sister to pancreatic cancer earlier in the year. And one of the things she asked me to do before she passed was to interview Sharon Salzberg, which I did. And one of her questions that she wanted Sharon to explore was equanimity.

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And my sister was a Buddhist and she was trying to think about how do you deal with the human condition of suffering and how equanimity factors into it. And Sharon did a great job explaining that. So that was a real fascinating discussion we just had on your Sardi framework. I know another area that you have really looked at is the temporal nature of memory.

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And I guess where I want to go with this is how does the way we remember our past influence our sense of self or sense of mattering in the present?

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I was hoping maybe we could start off by you getting the audience up to speed on some of the major changes in your life.

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Thank you for going there. And I was thinking, as you were talking about prolonged exposure therapy, because I've done it and it sucks. It's really painful. It's really painful to live through the same traumatic thing again and again and again. But as you were talking about it, I wonder how different it would have been if I had used psilocybin to help with the process.

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And it's interesting, Dave, I have been a supporter of the Warrior Angels Foundation and they had this retreat. We were at my friend Andrew's farm outside of Houston, Texas, and there were about 80 veterans there, almost all of them special operators. And it was amazing as I was talking to these guys, how many of the symptoms we share overlap.

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And I would say out of the group who were there, about 90% of them were in clinical trials using psilocybin or MDMA or something like that. And the amount that were not getting helped through classic talk therapy and who this was working for was really eye-opening. And I think what David Yadin told me is that there's almost close to a 70% efficacy rate that they're seeing through the use of

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using some of these drugs to help with getting over some of these traumas, which is quite incredible.

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Well, I think the other thing I think it does is part of the reason some of these therapies are difficult For people to go through, I found it with myself, is you have to be, if you want prolonged exposure therapy to work, you've got to be really vulnerable. You have gotten to put yourself out there and put your truth out there. And for some people, it's hard to do.

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But I think when you're in an altered state of mind, it may lessen the burden that you feel on opening the mind to talk about those things, so to speak.

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Dave, it's been such an amazing opportunity to interview you again. I had one last question I wanted to ask you. Through you, I met Jeff Walker, who's become a really good friend, and you and he share a similar mission to put an end to human suffering. How do you see this concept we've talked about, meaning, mattering, significance, feeling value and connected?

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It sounds like I could bring you on for a round three and just discuss AI.

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That would be awesome. I can't wait for that discussion. Well, Dave, if a listener, you were involved in so many things now, if a listener wants to get ahold of you and understand what you're doing, where's the best place that they should go?

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Dave, thank you for joining us again. It's always such a profound opportunity for deep discussion when you come on the show.

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What an enlightening conversation that was with Dr. David Vago. His profound insights into the intersection of neuroscience, mindfulness, and human flourishing provided such a powerful lens through which to explore the concept of mattering.

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One of the biggest takeaways from today's episode is the role of meta-awareness and contemplative practices in fostering a sense of self-worth, connection, and significance. Dr. Vago's discussion on dissolving the self-other divide, the adaptive mind-brain-body interactions, and how mindfulness rewires the brain to overcome feelings of insignificance was truly inspiring.

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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His practical advice for integrating these practices into daily life reminds us that cultivating mattering for ourselves and others is a journey rooted in intentionality and awareness. As we wrap up, take a moment to reflect on today's insights. Where in your life can you practice more self-awareness or build deeper connections with others?

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What steps can you take to ensure that you and those around you feel seen, valued, and significant? Remember, mattering starts with small, deliberate actions that ripple outward into transformation. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please take a moment to leave us a five-star rating and review and share how these insights are impacting your journey.

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And if you know someone who could benefit from Dr. David Vago's message, please share this episode with them. Your support helps us grow this community and inspire meaningful change. For links to everything we discussed today, including Dr. Vago's research and the tools he shared, check out the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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You can also support the show by visiting our sponsors at passionstruck.com slash deals, where you'll find discount codes and special offers. Every resource fuels the show and helps us bring you these inspiring conversations week after week. Before we wrap up, I wanna remind you that I'm passionate about sharing these insights with organizations and teams through speaking engagements.

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If today's episode inspired you, and you think my message could bring value to your company, visit johnrmiles.com speaking to learn more. Let's work together to create intentional change and ignite growth. And lastly, for those of you who want to find your starting point on the path to becoming PassionStruck, take our quiz at passionstruck.com.

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Next episode, I am thrilled to welcome Francesca Sipma to the PassionStruck podcast. Francesca is a transformational coach and founder of HypnoBreathWork. a groundbreaking method that combines hypnotherapy, breathwork, and neuroscience to help people release limiting beliefs and uncover their purpose.

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In this episode, we explore how this innovative approach can break through subconscious blocks, foster self-awareness, and ignite the clarity needed to live with intention. It's a conversation filled with powerful insights and practical tools you don't want to miss.

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Remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who could benefit. Together, we can spread the message of intentional living and create a ripple effect of positive change. Until next time, live life passion-struck.

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Well, thanks for going into all of that and a lot of changes. You got your hands in a lot of pots, but kind of what you're now into are things I have become extremely

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Passionate about, passion struck about, inquisitive about, and trying to get into deeper understanding of this because I think contemplative science, self-transcendence, meditation, all these things are becoming more and more important to our human system, I think.

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And I don't think I told you this story, Dave, but the whole reason I got into what I'm doing now is at this point, almost 15 years ago, I started to get these visions and this inner calling. And at the time I was this Fortune 50 executive, so I didn't know what to do with it. But what I was being told is that there are so many people out there who are lonely, helpless, broken, battered, bored.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome back to episode 565.

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et cetera, and you are supposed to help them. And when you first hear that, it's like, I'm supposed to do what to who and who are these people? And as I've gotten further and further into this, I think what you're saying is true. I think we've got existential crises happening all around the world.

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And when I started to go deeper and deeper into this, I started to look at all those things as symptoms of something greater. And it really led me down this rabbit hole of starting to explore human significance or our longing to belong, our longing to matter, not only to ourself,

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But how we show up for others and then in turn, how that influences how we make other people feel like they hold significance. So I thought maybe I'd start out today when you think of that and you think of the term matter or mattering from your lens, what does that mean to you?

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Have you ever stopped to reflect on the profound impact of mattering? It's more than just feeling seen. It's the foundation of belonging, the key to unlocking your purpose and a vital part of living a truly intentional life. Whether it's in our careers, our relationships, or even our personal sense of self, the deep human need to matter drives our choices, our connections, and our growth.

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Dave, yesterday I had Dan Heath on the podcast and he has a new book coming out that I'll put here. It's called, it's not showing up very well, but it's called Reset, How to Change What's Not Working. And I started to think about that. He's doing this for like organizations, but organizations

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I mean, what you're talking about is we need a global reset because there's so much that's not working right now. And he was talking about in order to solve these major stuck points, you have to find some leverage point. And we were talking about the analogy of it's like your car getting stuck and you're out of gas and you have no one to wave down.

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Dr. Judith Joseph on The Hidden Epidemic of High-Functioning Depression | EP 616

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Thank you for sharing all that background, because I think it paints a deeper picture. And I wanted to ask you this about yourself. When you think back to collecting all these accolades that you have, I want to ask you about the concept of belonging or mattering. Did you feel at this time, like you matter to others? Did you feel like you mattered to yourself?

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And then on Thursday, Janet Edley joined us to share powerful wisdom on resilience, surrender, and using music as a path to inner peace. If you missed either one, I highly recommend going back to experience the death that they both brought. And in my most recent solo episode, number 615, we zoomed out to look at the mental health ecosystem.

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So I'm going to change the entire direction I was going to take on this interview, hearing you talk, and I'm going to bring more of myself into it. Instead of giving you a whole bunch of questions, because maybe we can use me as a test study and just make this a conversation. So similar to you, I didn't chase the accolades in the form of academics, although I have master's degrees, et cetera.

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I chased it more in titles I was trying to achieve, steps I was trying to take, prominence I was trying to gain. And I was a senior executive, youngest VP at Lowe's Home Improvement by the time I was 34 years old. had a group of hundreds of people working underneath me. And as I was going through this job, I ended up getting a promotion.

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And the time I got this promotion was after a two year, very intense period where I had turned around the lowest performing group in the entire company. We had the lowest engagement scores and turned them into the second highest within two years. But I came out of it just exhausted because I had just poured myself into trying to turn this thing around.

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The idea that thriving isn't just about what's in your head, but the people, places, and systems that support or sabotage your wellbeing. That concept leads us directly into today's conversation.

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And then I was given a group about 10 times their size that I now needed to turn around. And I started to notice things in the background that just seemed off. The world didn't seem as sharp. I didn't seem as present when I was on the job. I didn't have quite as much energy. And I remember... there was a day that my kids were playing and my kids are about six years apart.

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So my son at the time who's older was making like towers and my younger daughter was tearing them down. And it was really a moment of joy watching them do it, but I was there, but not there. And I remember my son looking at me saying, dad, why do you never laugh anymore? And I, I remember it just like it hit me. And at first I wanted to answer, but instead I just took it in.

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And that night I couldn't sleep and I kept analyzing this. And so I went in for help to see a psychotherapist and they told me that I was experiencing dystemia. But as I was looking at your work, I'm wondering Was I really experiencing high functioning depression instead of this low grade depression that I was experiencing?

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Because fast forward, I didn't know how to treat it because I couldn't slow down. And the rest of my life kept on unraveling and people would call it burnout. But it reached a point I took the next job as a CIO at an even bigger company with even more pressure. And before I knew it, I was just overcome with emotional numbness. I stopped everything.

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And it wasn't just, as you're saying, impacting me emotionally. It was like physically I was out of shape. I was eating the wrong things. I wasn't exercising. My relationships were all out of kilter, but I just felt dead inside. Is that kind of the things that happen with high functioning depression?

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because today we're tackling a condition that hides beneath high achievement and silent suffering, high functioning depression, with someone who's leading the charge to name it, understand it, and transform how we respond to it. I'm joined by Dr. Judith Joseph, a board certified psychiatrist, clinical researcher, founder of Manhattan Behavioral Medicine, and clinical assistant professor at NYU.

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i want to get to some of the tools here in a second but for someone who's listening to this i want to maybe explore this a little bit more so we can help people see within themselves that this is something they're experiencing because people would explain what happened to me is you were burned out and as i've done more research i don't really consider it necessarily i was

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burned out, but at the same time, given the roles that I was in, I think it's important for people to understand that you just don't get here overnight. It happened to me over a period of years and it kept building up. So it's not like you can take a simple vacation or leave the office for two weeks sabbatical and come back and think it's going to be all cured. It doesn't work like that.

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So how does unacknowledged high functioning depression manifest in the signs someone would see in their body over time?

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She's also the author of the groundbreaking new book, High Functioning, Overcome Your Hidden Depression and Reclaim Your Joy. In this deeply personal and powerful episode, Judith opens up about high functioning depression and how it nearly consumed her life despite all outward signs of success. We talk about trauma, work addiction,

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cultural pressure, and why this condition is so often overlooked, especially in caregivers, perfectionists, high achievers, and marginalized communities. Her 5Vs framework offers a path toward awareness, healing, and ultimately joy. You're going to walk away from this episode with a whole new lens on yourself and the people around you who might be silently struggling.

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Unfortunately saw this play out with my sister over the past few years. She ended up succumbing to pancreatic cancer and has a 14 year old just turned 15 year old. But I saw in her final years she was very much like us. She was a high performer, went to Columbia like you did for her master's degrees, et cetera. Has another master's degree from University of Texas. in psychology, and I remember

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it was like a switch flipped. And all of a sudden, over the last, especially 18 months of her life, she was trying to get in as many experiences with those who meant the most to her as she can, whether it was taking trips with her son, quiet moments, spending time with those who she felt closest to. And she pretty much moved everything else out of her life except for those things. And

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I remember in the final days before she died, she had told me that this period of her life had been some of the most fulfilling times and she wished she would have gotten here earlier in her life. She also, towards the end, had shifted her career to being a psychotherapist and helping people. And she wished she would have done that earlier because she felt immense value in it.

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And it reminds me of the work of Cornell professor Tom Gilovich, who ended up studying thousands of patients, most of them in their third trimester of life, and 76% of them reported that the biggest regret they had was never pursuing their ideal self. And it gets me back to this idea that most of us end up in this place where we think we should be

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Instead of where we could be and oftentimes where we could be is this shift from performance-based identity to more of self-worth and self-compassion and being really tuned into our soul's calling. I'm not sure how you feel about that.

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And to go even deeper, check out our episode starter packs at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or Spotify. You'll also find bonus content on our YouTube channel, so be sure to subscribe and hit the bell for updates. And don't forget to sign up for our new Substack newsletter, The Ignited Life, at... either our passionstruck.com website, or you can go directly to theignitedlife.net.

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Thank you for sharing that. It was extremely tough to see anyone at the time she was 46 to be given that diagnosis, especially someone who was, it's always seems to be the type of example, the person who was in prime shape, running marathons, doing yoga. Very involved with Buddhism, constantly mindfulness, eating a healthy diet.

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The very ones that you don't think something like that would happen to. It's even harder when you see it in someone you love so much, but really eye-opening to see how she changed your life. Well, Dr. Judith, I want to go back to your book because you present in it the first empirical framework for how do you deal with high functioning depression and you call it the five V's.

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Can you walk us through what they are? And we can either do you go through all of them or I could go through each one consecutively. What would you prefer to do?

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Each week, I'll share actionable insights to help you live with greater clarity, intention, and purpose. And also, don't miss out on our new merch line, which you can also find there. Now, let's dive into this eye-opening and heart-expanding conversation with Dr. Judith Joseph.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so excited and honored today to welcome Dr. Judith Joseph to PassionStruck. Welcome, Dr. Judith.

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I want to go back to number four vitals. I've done a number of episodes now where we're talking about the gut brain linkage and this whole area of fascination for me started with an interview I did with Chris Palmer, a Harvard psychiatrist who we were talking about his book, Brain Energy, where he found this link between all mental disorders are metabolic disorders.

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And then I talked to Dr. Hyman about it. Recently just talked to Dr. Gundry about it, who just wrote a book on it as well. What have you seen in your own lab between, you mentioned a bunch of vitals and sleep is absolutely important. Getting exercise is extremely important, but what do you think about nourishment and its link to high functioning depression?

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Before we dive into your groundbreaking work that you've done on high functioning depression, I'd love to start with a more personal question. You've shared the idea that this new book that's coming out April 8, high functioning, overcome your hidden depression and reclaim your joy came to you during a talk that you were giving to healthcare workers during the pandemic.

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Dr. Judith, I know you've got to run, but for people who want to know more about you, the book, your work, where's the best place for them to go?

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Well, thank you so much for putting this out in the world, because for me, it was an opportunity to do self introspection of what happened in my own life and in my own journey and to help understand for myself how I can help listeners and others cope with not becoming a high functioning, depressive person. So thank you so much.

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And that's a wrap. What an enlightening and deeply human conversation with Dr. Judith Joseph. Her pioneering work on high-functioning depression shines a light on a silent epidemic, one that so many high-performance caregivers and outwardly successful people are quietly battling every day.

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To you, this story is a powerful reminder that just because someone looks like they're thriving on the outside, it doesn't mean they're not hurting inside. And our 5Vs framework gives us the language and tools to recognize the signs, honor the struggle, and start building a life rooted in authentic joy, not just performance.

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So as you reflect on today's episode, ask yourself, where in your life are you high functioning, but emotionally depleted? Are you confusing productivity with purpose? And what would it look like to prioritize joy, not just achievement? If this episode moves you, please take 10 seconds to leave a five-star rating and review on your favorite podcast platform.

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Can you take us back to that moment? And what led you on this incredible journey?

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It helps us continue bringing you powerful conversations like this one. And if someone in your life could benefit from Judith's insights, share this episode. It might be exactly what they need to hear. For all the resources we discussed, including Judith's book, High Functioning, head over to the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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And if this message of intentional living and mental wellness resonates with you, I'd love to bring it to your organization or event. I'm booking keynotes and workshops for 2025 and 2026. Visit johnrmiles.com to learn more about how we can partner to spark transformation.

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Don't forget, subscribe to our sub stack, The Ignited Life at theignitedlife.net, where you can also join the ignition room for deeper community and accountability and watch the full episodes and exclusive content on our YouTube channels.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck, Dr. Andrew Brodsky joins me to unpack how we can reshape our relationship with discomfort, uncertainty, and the pressure to always be on. Trust me, you won't want to miss it.

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Until then, be bold, lead with purpose, lean in to what truly matters, and as always, live life passion struck.

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welcome to passion struck hi i'm your host john r miles and on the show we decipher the secrets tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself if you're new to the show i offer advice and answer listener questions on fridays

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I think it's already here, personally.

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The saddest thing is that in a number of my interviews that I've done, what keeps showing up is... Possibly the largest group that's impacted are those who are adolescents, middle grade to high school level into their early years in college. Yet we can't really get firm data on it because they're under 18.

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So it's not being reported, but it does seem to be significantly impacting them as well as the adult population as well.

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We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Welcome to episode 616 of the passion struck podcast.

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Well, thank you for sharing that, Dr. Judith. And I'm going to come back to this in a second. I just wanted to crown the audience in case they don't know more about you and your background to establish your expertise, and then we'll come back to it. Your family migrated from Trinidad when you were a young girl, as I understand it, and you ended up going undergraduate to Duke.

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What led you down this path to go to Duke and then to pursue not only a medical education, but you've got an MBA as well, et cetera. You're a very well rounded person on both the business side, the medical side and the scientific side. So it's interesting for me to explore this a little bit.

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I'm John Miles, and I'm so grateful you're here investing in your growth, your healing, and your pursuit of a life that truly matters. In case you missed it, last week we had two incredibly resonant conversations. On Tuesday, number one New York Times bestselling author Joseph Wynn helped us explore how to untangle the limiting thoughts that keep us stuck.

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Before we dive in, let's take a moment to reflect on the incredible conversations we had last week. On Tuesday, we explored the power of behavior design and how to become indistractable with bestselling author Nir Eyal. On Thursday, Anne Marie Anderson an Emmy Award-winning ESPN broadcaster joined us to talk about embracing audacity, dismantling doubt, and taking bold risks.

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Probably also Hal Hirschfield and their studies here and Jamel Zaki as well. So I want to turn this to you, West. So part of my experience in technology had to do with data centers. And when I got to Lowe's, I inherited IT operations. And I remember two weeks into the job, I'm asked by the corporate head of HR to come into her office. And I thought she wanted to talk to me about

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the leaders in my group, which was a little bit part of it, but more she wanted to talk to me about the fact that out of 310,000 employees, my group had been scored on the least most recent engagement survey as the worst performing in the entire company. And so what I was dealing with was not only IT operational people, but people who were in the data centers who

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were remote from the rest of the group. And as I've built these things and a lot of times they have to be geographically separate, you have this issue and you refer to this in the book when you're talking about data centers of the people feeling isolated, which they can be because In the modern data center, you want to make them as lights out as possible.

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So we always wanted to put as few people as we could to have them perform. And it's difficult when you're based in Charlotte, North Carolina, and they're in one of your data centers is in San Antonio, like ours was at Lowe's, to be able to be there all the time. So

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How, when companies are dealing with situations like this, does a leader recognize when their organization is starving for meaning before it reaches a breaking point like the IT operations group had when I inherited?

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And then on Friday, we sat down with Olympic gold medalist Vincent Zhou diving into his journey of resilience, leadership, and the mental game behind elite competition. If you missed any of these episodes, I highly recommend going back to listen. Now, let me ask you this. What if the missing piece in your career isn't a promotion, a new title, or even more success?

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Okay, so Tamara, I'm gonna take what Wes just said and turn this over to you. Wes was just talking about meaningful work and in the book, you define meaningful work as work that provides community, helps contribute to something that matters and challenges us to learn and grow. The three Cs that Wes has brought up now a couple of times. I wanna ask you this question differently.

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If you had to define meaningful work in just one sentence without using those three words, how would you do it?

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I think that's part of it. But I'm going to give you a hypothetical scenario to maybe describe it. Since we've been talking about Lowe's, which is a Fortune 50 company, imagine you're consulting for a Fortune 50 company, as I know you're a consultant. And these companies have all the right structures in place, typically. They have strong revenue, great benefits, cutting edge innovation.

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But in so many of them, the employees report, just as my group did, feeling disconnected and uninspired. If you were walking in the door and the CEO hired you to come in, where would you start in diagnosing the problem?

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Okay, I'm Wes, I'm going to turn this over to you with another real life scenario from my life. So I end up leaving Lowe's and I take a job at Dell as initially the CIO over their consumer business. And I'm in that role for about two months, have primarily interviewed with their team, etc. And then the president that I'm working for, who's leading this gets fired.

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What if the real key to fulfillment is something deeper, something that's tied to impact, purpose, and connection? That's exactly what we're exploring today with two extraordinary guests, Wes Adams and Tamara Miles. They are the authors of the new book, Meaningful Work, a proven path to making an impact, creating community, and finding fulfillment in work and life.

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And Michael decides to combine small, medium business with the consumer business to give you like the size of, this is about a $35 billion entity now that I'm becoming, I think the CIO over. And so I reach out to the president who's now over this entity who I've never met before, happens to live in Singapore at the time. And I approach him that I'm really excited to be joining your team.

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I can't wait to have this responsibility. And he says, I need to stop you right there. He goes, my, the person over. the consumer business hired you, I did not hire you. So you need to prove your worth to me. And this is after I've already moved my family. I've already moved my life there. And he says, you're going to have to come out here to Singapore and meet with my whole leadership team.

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And if we decide at that point that you are the right fit, then we will continue. If not, we won't. So I want you to think about that scenario that happened to me and what are companies getting wrong about crucial moments like that if they wanna keep people invested and what should they be doing instead?

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I went over to Singapore, I somehow passed the test and believe me, it was not easy because they were very high performing team that had been working together for years. And after this, after I was successful at doing it, they ended up giving me the large enterprise portion of the business, the public portion of the business, the services portion of the business and corporate development.

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It ended up going okay, but I, from that moment forward, never felt like I had trust that had been built from the beginning, if that's a way to think about it, because I

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I would have thought if you have a person who I did had literally gone through eight rounds of interviews to even get to the point where I was hired at Dell and to have to go through that amount of due diligence only to be told that you were going to have to go through it again was really a letdown for me of someone trusting in my capabilities that I was bringing to bear, so to speak.

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and they've spent their careers studying what separates people who feel deeply engaged in their work with those who feel stuck, drained, and unfulfilled. In today's conversation, we dive into the hidden drivers of meaningful work that go beyond salary and status, why leaders have an outsized influence on whether employees thrive or disengage.

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It's a difficult situation on all counts. And what this leader didn't account for even on top of this was the other things that were happening in my life. The fact that my kids were having trouble adjusting, the fact that we had bought a house only to realize that it had been termite infested. And now we had to do a $250,000 remodel that insurance wouldn't cover. Oh my God. Wow.

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I think what ends up happening a lot of times when we talk about this meaning at work is that we end up treating, and I'm guilty of this too, we end up treating people as a sole entity of their work life. And often it's even worse than that. We see them in the role that they're in, but we don't recognize all the things that they've done before they were in that role.

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that might be able to contribute to other things of higher potential. And as I took over that IT operations group and fast forward two years later, it went from the worst performing in employee engagement to the second highest performing in the entire company. And I'm actually writing a book right now on how I did it. The thing that was most important, I thought, was that I had to be authentic.

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in how I was meeting the employees, which meant that I couldn't get up in front of them and give a speech and expect them to do their jobs. They didn't know me. I had no credibility with them. So for the first three to four months as I was assimilating into this job, I kept my family back in Atlanta where we were before.

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And I would go in at all times of the day to the data center, to the operations command center, to other people because it was a 24 by 7 operation. And at first, the employees weren't really opening up to me. But over time, when they realized I had a vested interest in them and I was learning about them, their families, what their passions were outside of work, they started leaning in more.

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And then once I got their trust, they started to tell me what was really going on. And that was, they had no idea how the jobs they were doing impacted the bottom line of the company, the customer in the store, all these things. And so by gaining their trust, I was able to get to, from their perspective, what was causing them to be disengaged in the first place.

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We discuss how to define success in a way that prioritizes purpose over productivity, and we go into practical, research-backed strategies to

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So long winded there, but I want to go back to authenticity. How do leaders balance being real with their teams while maintaining authority and respect while at the same time bringing this authenticity into it? I'll let you guys pick who gets it.

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transform your workplace into a space of belonging impact and fulfillment this episode is for anyone seeking to make greater impact in their work whether you're leading a team building a business or simply trying to find more purpose in your day-to-day life and for those of you who want to dive even deeper check out our episode starter packs at either spotify or passionstruck.com starter packs with over 580 episodes with curated playlists on topics like leadership purpose

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So let's talk about what you were just describing right there, Tamara. One of the people that you reference in this book, I'm personally a fan of. I'm a big Peloton biker, and one of my favorite riders that they have is Tunde. Tunde is so great. And what I love about Tunde is the deep sense of connection that comes about in these sessions.

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So how can leaders in traditionally non-inspiring industries like manufacturing, finance, private equity, etc., replicate that 10-day type of ability to create a deep sense of connection with people in industries that are hard maybe to connect with and inspire?

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emotional health, and mental resilience to help you find the inspiration that resonates most with you. And don't forget to sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com for exclusive insights, challenges, tools, and strategies to help you put today's lesson into action. And if you're watching on YouTube, be sure to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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Now let's dive in to what truly makes work meaningful, how to create a culture of impact, and what it means to lead with intention. Here's my conversation with Wes Adams and Tamara Miles. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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Thank you.

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Thank you.

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I am so thrilled today to have Wes Adams and Tamara Miles on PassionStruck. Welcome, Wes and Tamara. Thanks. Thank you for having us. Well, today we are discussing your brand new book titled Meaningful Work, How to Ignite Passion and Performance in Every Employee. I love the title given the name of my podcast is Passion Struck. And my last book, I also used the word ignite passion in it.

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But I wanted to ask you, why did you specifically use the word ignite in the title?

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When I was reading your book, that's one of the things that I love the most was that framework where you ask, when exactly did this happen? What was the context of the story? What happened leading up to it? Who did you interact with? What did you do leading up to the moment? What did you learn from the moment, et cetera?

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And I think it's a really good matrix that people should buy the book just for that matrix in their organization.

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understanding how the work that you do really matters and then having growth and development opportunities and a leader who believes in you welcome to passion struck hi i'm your host john r miles and on the show we decipher the secrets tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you

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I'm going to end our interview today with this question that I'm going to give to each of you. Your book really highlights the impact of moments of meaning, brief but powerful interactions that shape how we perceive our work. And I'm sure you didn't get here overnight. You got here because you each felt this yourself.

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So could you share a personal moment from your own career that solidified your belief in your research?

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Absolutely. That's one of the things I miss the most about Austin. We'll see if we can revive it. We'll have a reunion next year. I have to tell you, one of my favorite episodes I think I've done on the show was with Will Godera.

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It is. But when I interviewed him, The Bear had just come out. And so I said, have you watched this show? And he hadn't yet. I'm like, I think they used your book as the backdrop for the whole series that they're doing. It's this mindset of excellence, of that hospitality that he brings up in the as his differentiator. And it turns out it was.

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Because he's a consultant on the show now, right? Well, he is now. He wasn't then. I can tell you that.

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I love it. I have this thing I've been using for 25 plus years now called the deliberate action process. And I'm going to get into this whole discussion further on in the interview. But I developed this before agile methodology was even a thing. And It's very similar to what the founders of the Agile manifesto built out. But one of the six steps I have in this process is Ignite.

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I don't know if you've seen that movie, the six triple eight, but that type of moment happened in that movie, too, because they're opening up some of these letters trying to figure out where they should go and some dog tags come out. And one of the woman just throws them in this bin with other dog tags. And this other woman who had lost someone in the war says, You can't treat people like that.

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These are humans that sacrifice themselves for us. We need to treat them with dignity. That's the whole reason we're doing everything that we're doing. Moments like that are such important pieces.

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Well, last thing I wanted to ask is where's the best place that listeners can go to learn more about the two of you?

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Tamara and Wes, it was such an honor having you on the show. Congratulations on the new book. I hope it gets into a ton of leaders' hands. Thank you so much for having us.

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Really enjoyed it. And that's a wrap. What an insightful and inspiring conversation with Wes Adams and Tamara Miles. Today's episode gave us a deeper understanding of what makes work truly meaningful, not just for individuals but for entire organizations.

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We explored how leaders can create environments where employees don't just work but thrive and why fulfillment comes from a sense of community, contribution, and challenge. As we close, I encourage you to reflect on your own work experience. Do you feel like your contributions truly matter? Are you working in an environment that fosters meaning and growth?

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If not, what small steps can you take today to shift toward work that aligns with your values and purpose? If Wes and Tamara's insights resonated with you, please take a moment to leave us a five-star rating and review. Your feedback helps grow the passion struck movement and allows us to bring you more powerful conversations like this one.

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And if you know someone who could benefit from today's episode, please share it with them. You never know how a single share can impact someone's life. For more resources from today's discussion, head over to passionstruck.com where you'll find show notes, links, and additional insights to help you apply what you've learned.

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And if you want to go even deeper, make sure to watch the video version of this episode on my John R. Miles YouTube channel. While you're there, hit subscribe and join our growing community.

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Coming up next, I'm joined by none other than Donald Miller, the bestselling author of Build a Story Brand and a master of helping people clarify their message, grow their business, and build a personal brand that truly connects. Donald's insights have transformed the way entrepreneurs, executives, and creatives communicate their value.

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And in our conversation, we're diving into how you can apply these principles to your own life and career. So make sure you're subscribed and ready for another game-changing discussion.

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And remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And most importantly, take what you've learned and put it into action because knowledge alone doesn't create change, but action does. Until next time, live life passion struck.

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And I often get questioned by people, why would you put a step in here called Ignite? And it comes down to is you have to have the intrinsic motivation to power through whatever it is you want to do or to have your employees motivated to do whatever they're going to do.

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So you need to ignite that inner flame within them or else they're not going to take action or they'll take it, but they won't take ownership of it. So that's why to me, this whole word ignite is so powerful and people don't understand just how powerful it can be. Not sure if you have any thoughts on that, Wes.

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We could touch on it right now. I was going to ask about it later on in the book, but yeah. I introduced agile methodology into Lowe's when I took over software development and I did it at the time and I had some experience before joining Lowe's using Agile, but we were typically a waterfall shop while I was there.

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But I remember I was having this discussion with a friend of mine, Scott Butterfield, who was the senior vice president over corporate strategy. And he said to me, as I was talking to leaders, as I was taking over this role and he goes, you guys in IT are absolutely incredible. at developing solutions that are obsolete by the time we get to the customers.

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And I really sat with that because he was right. By the time we went through the gating process, which we had won awards for and everything else, our solutions in many cases weren't timely. So I ended up picking this guy named Ron Lutz, who at the time was probably the biggest critic that there was of IT in the business.

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And he was running assortments in the store and he needed this solution to handle like a billion dollars worth of resets that he had to do. And if he would have done it the typical way, it would have probably taken him three years.

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So I introduced him to Agile and I have to say at first he was very skeptical, especially about his own role in having to show up for the sprints and the scrum meetings every single day. But when he started to see the progression that we were making as a result of the scrums and when we got the minimal viable product out in six months, something that would have normally taken us a couple of years,

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Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

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He went from being the biggest critic to the biggest advocate and cheerleader that I had in the whole company. And it changed everything from that point forward. That was one of the most impactful experience I had of using Agile. But I worry today that it's lost some of its wonders because people misuse it or use it in ways today that it was never intended to be used.

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But it's a great framework for what, if it's used correctly, what it's meant to accomplish.

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It ignited his passion and performance. Absolutely. So I have a great story of this. I started out my career in consulting and I worked for Anderson Consulting and Booz Allen. And one of the projects that I won was with the Strike Fighter community, Top Gun, and we were developing Strike Fighter online.

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And so I brought in a couple subject matter experts, which were ex-fighter pilots onto the team. But for all the main development leads who were working on the project and the business analysts, we actually took them to Oceana or other bases so they could interact with actual pilots. And many of them actually got rides in the aircraft so that they could understand what

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Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome to episode 589. Whether you're a longtime listener or joining us for the first time, I am so grateful to have you here. Passion Struck is more than just a podcast. It's a movement dedicated to unlocking human potential, intentional living, and making what truly matters matter most.

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the human factor that was involved in the systems that they were going to build. And I'm going to direct this question at you tomorrow. So I mentioned that conversation with Scott Butterfield, where he was putting the blame on IT. The other portion of the conversation I didn't tell you is I told Scott that

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Although I see where he is going with what he is saying, I said a big problem that I am seeing as I'm analyzing the whole portfolio of projects we're doing, which were about a billion and a half dollars worth of projects, is that the business kept looking at technology

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to be the savior and they were neglecting the human factor that was involved and not worrying enough about the change factor that was occurring. So my question to you tomorrow is why do so many leaders overlook meaning as a performance driver and what's the cost of that blind spot?

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So for the audience who's listening, Tamara just brought up Ed Diener. Unfortunately, Ed Diener has passed, but his work is so inspirational. And if you're looking to learn more about this area of study, I would highly encourage you to go back and listen to my interviews with Shigeo Oishi, Cassie Holmes, and Laurie Santos as examples.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Because of what I did in the military, I have a lifetime ban of ever going to Russia. But I have been to China many times. And I have to say, the last time I was there, it was a profound change. I was in Beijing. And when I started going over there in the 2000s, we were welcomed. It was all about economic growth, everything else. When I was walking around Beijing the last time,

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It was almost like the way we used to look at Russians in the old Soviet Union. I just felt like people were looking at me completely different and not in a necessarily friendly way. So it is interesting how much the world has changed and how the paths that we expected things to go down did not manifest itself.

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Yeah, it's unfortunate because when my sister was living there and she was fluent in Russian, she used to always just talk about how beautiful the country was, how wonderful and warm the people were. And it's one of those things that the more we should focus on the commonalities, we would understand that our differences are just so slight in the big scheme of things. Well, let's go on to this.

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Today's guest, Edward Fishman, is here to unpack this seismic shift in global strategy. A former top State Department sanctions official, Edward has been at the forefront of America's economic warfare efforts, helping to design sanctions against Russia and Iran. Now in his groundbreaking book, Choke Points,

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You tell... through the book, this story, through the people who crafted and implemented these economic tools, you call them the Mavericks. I wanted to ask, who was the most surprising figure that you encountered? And along with that, did any of these people struggle with the ethical implications of their work?

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American Power in the Age of Economic Warfare, he takes us behind the scenes to reveal how economic weapons like sanctions, export controls and financial dominance are reshaping global power dynamics. In today's episode, we explore how economic warfare has become the primary tool of statecraft in the 21st century. What choke points are and why controlling them is the key to global influence.

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Yeah, I really loved your sections that focused on him because for those who aren't aware, his insights have been so profound in where, and have shaped so much of where we are today. So I'm really glad that you brought him up and used it as the example, because if not, I was going to ask you about him anyhow.

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So just early days into the Trump administration right now, but one of the things that we're already seeing is that the treasury is gonna play a major role over the next four years. And I wanted to get into this discussion of, Coming out of World War II, the US became the gold standard for the world.

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In fact, we had a call where not only did we take Germany's gold, but we got the gold from a number of our economic partners in the war. And then under the Nixon administration, we ended up shifting from the gold standard to the fiat standard that we're on today, which kind of changed everything. And so the central bank and the treasury started to play this profound role.

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And that role has lasted now for decades where the US has had the upper hand, but now we're starting to see the threat that China could bring by creating an alternative economic system and neutralize America's dominance. I was hoping you could touch on this and did I get the path correct?

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The hidden history of how the US pioneered economic weapons long before most of us even noticed. How Russia, China, and other nations are fighting back by building alternative economic systems. and the risks of overusing economic power and whether we're headed toward a fractured global economy.

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So I want to go back to sanctions. Because sanctions have been described as a weapon that fires in both directions. Given the major economic sanctions on Russia have also disrupted global energy markets, at what point do you think the costs start outweighing the benefits? Yeah.

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If you've ever wondered how global conflicts are really fought today or how the economy itself can be weaponized, this episode is for you. Edwards Insights will challenge your understanding of power, security, and the invisible forces shaping our world. Before we dive in, let's take a moment to reflect on last week's incredible episodes.

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As I have looked at previous wars and what kind of the major indicator of America's resolve to fight in them. It always comes into the populace of the American people as you're just bringing up. That's how we really did a nosedive in Vietnam. It happened again in the war on terror. And it's something that you, as you just brought up, you really have to watch.

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And we've recently seen over the past few weeks that China has entered the AI arms race in a big way, taking on chat GPT. And for a long time, the US has been targeting China's semiconductor industry with sanctions aiming to slow its AI as well as some of its military technological advances.

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Looking at what they have just done, how would you rate the effectiveness of the strategy and what does it tell us about the future of this tech-driven economic warfare we find ourselves in with China?

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On Tuesday, Randy Blight, the legendary Lamb of God frontman, joined me to talk about art, purpose, resilience, and the creative process. His journey from self-destruction to artistic mastery is one of the most raw and insightful conversations we've had on the show.

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Then on Thursday, I was joined by my friend, Dr. Scott Schur, and we explored the cutting edge world of health optimization and did a deep dive on the GABA system and how it impacts brain function, stress resistance, longevity, and mental clarity, and why the future of health is about personalized proactive wellbeing.

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So I want to stay on this China theme for a second. And go back to Afghanistan. One of the biggest dilemmas I have for us leaving Afghanistan is it was one of the most plentiful countries in the world for rare earth minerals. And we basically allowed China to replace us there.

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And there's been a lot of speculation that China will respond to the US economic warfare by cutting off exports like these rare earth minerals, solar panel components, battery components that we need. By weaponizing its own supply chain dominance, what would the consequences be for the US and the countries in Europe?

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It's going to be a very interesting next few years. I'm just trying to take in everything that you're talking about, because what you're saying are the same things that are going through my mind on a weekly basis. So I want to make an interesting metaphor for you. I used to be a senior executive at Dell.

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Each of these conversations was packed with insights on transformation, resilience, and unlocking potential, and they tie directly into today's episode. Whether it's about redefining personal power, optimizing your health, or understanding global power shifts, intentionality is the common thread. And do you want to dive deeper?

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And for those who aren't familiar with how Dell has been organized over the years, they did this kind of accordion effect where they would globalize and then localize, globalize and then localize, meaning they would have global leaders over different areas like the consumer business.

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And then they would switch to in-country leaders instead where that regional leader was running all practices for Asia-Pac and then they'd switch back. And it created these ripple effects that as a person in technology, I saw because we had this spaghetti architecture. And at the time I got there, 8,000 plus systems that were all doing repetitive things across this infrastructure.

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So a whole bunch of spend and wastefulness that the company no longer needed. But the world is doing this as well. And it's interesting because when I was there, we had a number of different presidents over these business units.

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And when I was there, they had switched back to, you had a person over consumer, a person over small, medium business, a person over public, a person over large enterprise, a person over services, a person over software. But the way that Michael would lead is all of them were in competition.

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And so where I'm going with this is it causes these fractures within Dell, which really became economic fractures because all these presidents were competing against each other and their behaviors started to form economic blocks.

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And I thought I'd introduce this whole topic using this analogy because with every major power weaponizing its economy, are we heading towards a future where the global economy fractures into competing economic blocks like I saw at Dell?

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If today's episode sparks your curiosity, check out our episode starter packs, curated playlists that explore topics like leadership, economic power, and resilience. You can find them on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs.

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That is a very scary thought. sorry but i mean it really is i've recently been watching some documentaries on world war ii and not a place the world wants to go back to because the ramifications at this point with the advances that we've made since then would be catastrophic okay so I'm going to bring this back to the lens of what we typically talk about here on Passion Struck.

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weekly insights and strategies sign up for my live intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com prefer watching these conversations head over to our youtube channels where you can catch all our episodes and share them with those in your life who are passionate about growth now get ready for a conversation that will change the way you see global power one that's playing out not just in war zones but in supply chains currency markets and cutting edge technology let's dive in with edward fishman

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I am really doubling down on the power of mattering. And I discuss a lot on the show about personal psychology. And I've been trying to talk more and more about this concept that I call mattering deserts. Places throughout the world and in our communities where people feel unseen and unimportant.

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And I want to use this mattering desert as a metaphor, because in an economic sense, do you see the world emerging where entire nations become economic deserts cut off from global trade, isolated and stagnated?

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I'm going to preface this that if you don't know the answer to this, we'll just cut it from the interview. Thank you. At the beginning of the Ukraine conflict, I remember listening to an economist talk about why Putin was doing this now. And I remember what he was talking about happened to happen to coincide with the populace in Russia.

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And similar to other places in the world, we've seen this natural decline in the number of births that are happening. And so in Russia, this is more profound than in many countries. And what this economist was saying is, and Russia are at the very point where they're going to not have the critical mass needed in order to take the actions that they're doing today.

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And he said that when you look at this from a geopolitical standpoint and Russia over the centuries, they have been invaded through a series of checkpoints and that what Putin is trying to do while he has enough people left to do it is to start closing off these choke points to protect the company's long-term threat for invasion. So my question to you is, do you think that's really playing out?

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely thrilled to welcome Edward Fishman to the PassionStruck podcast. Welcome, Eddie. How are you today?

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And are they using economic means along with their people to try to close these choke points down?

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Very interesting. At the beginning, Eddie, you mentioned to me before we came on that and in the book, You talk about this a lot. You weave in your personal stories. You have actually been in the room where these decisions are being made. And I was hoping that maybe you could bring this to light for a listener or viewer. What are the complexities in the decisions that are going on here?

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How tense do these meetings get? How much are the participants looking at the pros and cons of the decisions that they're making and the unintended consequences?

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Well, I want to start off by just congratulating you on this great book that I'm holding up. It's titled Choke Points, American Power in the Age of Economic Warfare. And we're airing today's episode on the day it releases. Congratulations to you.

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It's almost like years ago when we had the war department and we were actually winning wars. When you have people completely dedicated to one goal, you tend to get the outcome that you want. And since we shifted from that, we see the ripple effect when we don't. So I think that whole idea is a good calling card.

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I might tell my daughter who's in college right now that she should start viewing the world through this lens of economic warfare and what she's studying. So I want to thank you. So I want to take you Eddie, just as we close out through a couple of different fictional scenarios, just to see, cause I think this would be fun for the audience. I'm going to give you the first one.

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We talked about AI earlier in the discussion. Suppose an AI-driven sanctions program is developed capable of instantly detecting and enforcing violations worldwide. Would that make economic warfare more precise and effective, or would it create unforeseen dangers?

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I remember that first time I got that, a set of books, and it's just this overwhelming feeling when you finally see the real thing and you're not looking at it on the screen, but you're holding these words that you've put years and years into the making. It's just something surreal about it.

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Thank you for that. And here's another one. So we talked about the US and China a lot today. If the US were to enter a full-scale conflict with China, military, technological, or economic, or a combination of all of them, what would China do first to sever the US from its global supply chains Would it be to launch a cyber attack where they go after our energy grids?

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Would it be something that takes out our technological might? Would it be something that disrupts our military communications? What would it be?

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Eddie, I'm going to start here. Your book opens up with this striking image. Oil tankers stuck in a maritime traffic jam at the Bosphorus as Russia's war against Ukraine rages in 2022. It's a powerful scene and one that immediately brought me back to my time in the Navy.

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And then here's the last scenario. So digital currencies are the talk from everyone. And right now I see it playing out where you've got the US in the race to create a digital currency that could be like the central bank. You've got China trying to do the same thing. You've got Bitcoin in the mix.

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So let's imagine in a scenario where China is the first to create a worldwide digital currency that rivals the US dollar. What would that mean for America's stability to use financial sanctions as a weapon in the future?

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That is the scenario that I am most worried about because I think it's the one that could become the most likely and we're not prepared for it. Okay. So my final question is it's 2040 and you're writing an updated edition of choke points, which has become a New York times bestseller selling millions of copies. What will be the biggest economic weapon of that era?

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What new battlefield do you think will have emerged? Oh, wow.

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When I was on destroyers and cruisers, we would often sit in the Sea of Marmara right at that choke point, watching the flow of ships through the strait. For those who may not be familiar with these dynamics, can you break down what a choke point is in an economic sense? And why did you use this concept as the title and metaphor of your book?

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Eddie, last question. Where's the best place for people to learn more about you?

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And I'm just going to show it one more time, Chip Points by Edward Fishman. And what we discussed today is really just a tip of the iceberg of what Eddie goes into in this book. If you're interested in this topic, I highly encourage you to buy a copy. Eddie, thank you so much for joining us. It was such an enlightening conversation and an honor to have you. John, thanks so much.

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An honor to be on the show as well. And that's a wrap on this eye-opening conversation with Edward Fishman. His insights challenge us to rethink how power is wielded in the modern world, how economic warfare is shaping global conflicts, and why the real battles of the 21st century may not be fought with weapons but with financial leverage, supply chains, and sanctions.

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As we close out today's episode, take a moment to reflect. How do economic decisions at the highest levels impact your daily life, whether it's the cost of goods, job opportunities, or financial security? Are we moving toward a world of greater stability through economic deterrence, or are we on the edge of a new kind of global conflict?

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The conversations we have here on PassionStruck are meant to challenge perspectives. and help you make more intentional decisions, whether in your careers, relationships, or understanding of the world around you. If you found today's discussion valuable, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review.

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Your support fuels these transformative conversations and helps more people discover the show. And if someone in your life could benefit from understanding the hidden forces shaping global power, share this episode with them. It could spark an entirely new way of thinking.

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All resources discussed today, including Edward Fishman's book, Choke Points, are linked in the show notes at passionstruck.com. If you'd like to watch the full video version, head over to my YouTube channel at John R. Miles. And don't forget to subscribe and share with others who are passionate about growth and insight.

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I love bringing these topics into organizations and teams through my speaking engagements. If today's episode got you thinking about the broader implications of leadership resilience and strategic decision-making, Visit JohnRMiles.com slash speaking to learn more about how we can work together.

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And coming up next on PassionStruck, we shift gears to a deeply personal and psychological conversation on how we see ourselves, our aspirations, and our perfectionism. In our next episode, I sit down with Sandra Matz, professor at Columbia Business School, who studies how personality, psychology, and data-driven insights shape the world we live in.

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Our work explores how our digital footprints, our online behaviors, purchases, and interactions are being used to predict everything from our happiness to our spending habits. We'll dive into how our psychological traits influence our success and fulfillment, and why understanding your own personality data can help you lead work and live more effectively.

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You won't want to miss this eye-opening conversation.

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Thank you for being part of the PassionStruck community. Your dedication to living intentionally and making an impact inspires me every day. And remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who needs to hear it. Most importantly, apply what you've learned so that you can live what you listen. Until next time, live life PassionStruck.

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It is so interesting to me how your book really lays out how economic warfare has evolved into America's primary tool of statecraft. And what you were just describing is we now have these new weapons to fight wars. One of those is cyber warfare, which I'm very well familiar with because that's what I did in my career.

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But we've also reached a moment where these financial weapons that you were just describing have taken precedence over military ones. How did we reach this point?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome to episode 577.

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Well, it's so interesting. Just last night, my wife and I were talking about Afghanistan, Iraq, the events of 9-11, and we We were going back to presidential elections, and I can't remember in my lifetime if there's ever been a Democratic candidate who has followed an incumbent or a Republican candidate who has followed an incumbent. It's like we keep swapping back and forth.

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But the question I was pondering as I was thinking about today's interview is, After the Clinton presidency, what would have happened had Al Gore become president? Would we have even gone into Iraq? Would this have led to Afghanistan? Would we have gone down the path where we are today. What are your thoughts on that?

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Whether you're a longtime listener or tuning in for the first time, I am thrilled you're here. You're now part of a global movement dedicated to living with intention, unlocking your full potential and making what truly matters matter most.

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I just look back upon that time and Colin Powell has been someone I've always admired and I had the chance to meet him one time and was such a humble And I always feel, as I've looked back upon that time, how misled he felt when he went to the UN, et cetera, over something that turns out wasn't even factual.

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And it's a very good point because I've seen firsthand being in combat zones is not what it's all cracked up to be. And if we can avoid them, we should at all costs. So let's get back to the book here for a second. For decades, globalization was seen as the key to prosperity and stability. And over the past years, that belief has unraveled. How does economic warfare fit into that shift?

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So let me ask you, what if the most important weapons in today's world aren't missiles, tanks, or cyber attacks, but financial leverage, supply chains, and control over economic choke points? What if the future of global power isn't determined on the battlefield, but in boardrooms, central banks, and trade networks.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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And let me start by wishing you a joyful and meaningful holiday season. Whether you're celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, or simply taking time to reflect, I am so grateful to have you here, investing in your personal growth and impact. This season is all about connection, gratitude, and hope, values that align perfectly with today's episode.

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Earlier in my career, before I started doing this, I used to be an executive in technology. And so I started going to India way back in 2001, 2002 time frame. And I've been all throughout the country. I've obviously been to Bangalore, probably more than anywhere else. But I've been to Hyderabad. I've been to Chennai. I've been to Goa. I've been to Delhi.

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But one of my favorite areas was southern India, Trivandrum.

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It's beautiful down there with all the backwaters and being on, I guess it's, how many different bodies of water converge at the point?

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Well, when I was on travel, I used to go down there and I would rent a houseboat for the weekend and my Indian friends would come and join me and we go on the backwaters. And it was such a beautiful time. But while I was there, I witnessed kind of two different dimensions. You had all the beauty and you had those who had a lot. And then you could see as you were going into different villages that

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The difference between the have and the have not, if that's fair to say, and it seems 65, 70% of India is at a lower class or lower income level than some of those that you would see in the bigger cities.

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Whether you've been with us for years or you're just tuning in for the first time, this is the space where we turn purpose into action and dreams into reality. Together, we explore what it means to live with intention, embrace resilience, and create a life filled with meaning and impact.

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I'm going to get into Shantibhavan here in a second. I did want to ask one question because a lot of my audience comes from the United States and Canada and Ireland and the United Kingdom. And I think... You often hear a lot of self-improvement people talk about it doesn't matter what zip code you're born into, you can create the life you want.

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And today's episode is the perfect conversation to inspire you as we close out the year and prepare for what's ahead. Last week, we had two incredible episodes. On Tuesday, I spoke with Miss America Madison Marsh about breaking barriers, setting bold goals, and the grit it takes to achieve greatness.

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We hear that a lot because even in developed countries, you still have a social economic hierarchy of depending on where you were born, what your initial starting point is. But in India, can you explain how it's different than that?

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So if you're born into this lower caste class, and I understand now that the caste aren't supposed to be a thing anymore, although they still are, how does that differ from someone who might have been born in the United States in a low-income situation?

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Then on Thursday, Caroline Adams Miller joined me to share the science and strategies behind setting big transformative goals, something that's so important as we go into 2025. She discusses how to cultivate the resilience to see through your goals and to make them possible in your life. If you haven't caught those episodes yet, I highly recommend you check them out.

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Okay, and so what you created, Shantibavan, I understand the words mean haven of peace. And you envisioned a space where caste, class, and religion didn't matter. As you were starting the creation of this, what were the biggest challenges that you faced to develop such an environment, and how did you overcome them?

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And I want to go into it a little bit more. I've heard you now a couple times refer to the kids who were there as children, not as students. How has fostering, and you use that word children intentionally, how does fostering that familial relationship contribute to their success?

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They're packed with insights to help you start the new year with clarity and momentum. For those of you new to the podcast, or if you're trying to introduce this to friends or family members, we know 550 episodes can feel like a lot to dive into. That's why we've curated episode starter packs on topics like leadership, mental health, and personal mastery.

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One of the core things that you have focused on has been education, and particularly education for girls, which is central to your mission. How has that focus impacted the broader communities served by Shanti Bhavan?

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Well, that's great. And I was asking you, in addition to education, educating women or girls is a central part of your mission. And I was asking, how is that focus on educating and bringing up girls focus the broader impact that you've had?

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You can find them on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs. And if you're looking for weekly inspiration tools and exclusive insights, join my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com. Every episode is also available on YouTube, where our growing community of over a quarter million subscribers continues to thrive.

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So when you first started this, how many students were in some of the original classes and how much has it grown over the years?

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And I understand that initially you were self-funding this from the money that you had made from the sale of your company. But then, like so many of us in 2008, 2009, you've got severely impacted by the global recession that ended up happening.

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And you ended up losing millions of dollars of your personal wealth to the point that you were in real jeopardy that you might not be able to fund this anymore. Can you talk about that moment? Because I think that's another thing that happens to people.

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They get going, they start to see some traction and then something, a major challenge faces them like you were faced with where you could have given up. You could have said, I don't know how I'm going to continue this, but another path emerged. And I was hoping you could share a little bit about that story.

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Today, I have the privilege of introducing an extraordinary guest whose life exemplifies what it means to be passion struck. Dr. Abraham George is a visionary philanthropist, social entrepreneur, and author whose work has transformed the lives of tens of thousands in rural India.

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As the founder of the Shanti Bhavan Residential School, Dr. George provides free, world-class education to children from some of the most marginalized communities, breaking cycles of poverty and empowering them to thrive.

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So that was a big turning point. You turned that situation into really a triumph because it went from more focused on you funding it to now you had a community behind you that was helping you do this. And I guess that community is also important to the Last Thing legacy of this because this will live on long after you and I have passed would be the hope, correct?

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Shanti Bhavan graduates have gone on to attend top universities like Stanford, Dartmouth, and Princeton, and his story was featured in the acclaimed Netflix documentary, Daughters of Destiny. But Dr. George's mission doesn't stop there.

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And one of the other things that happened that has brought attention to this is the Netflix documentary, which you mentioned at the beginning, Daughters of Destiny. But my understanding is this had kind of an interesting path because it wasn't as if Netflix came out there, filmed this in 30 days, and then released it. My understanding is they were filming this for a period of six or seven years.

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Is my background correct on that?

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His groundbreaking work spans healthcare, environmental reform, and social justice, including the elimination of leaded gasoline in India, a milestone in public health. His journey is one of unwavering purpose, moving from the Indian Army to a successful career in global finance, and then back to India to tackle some of its most entrenched social and economic challenges.

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And it ended up winning an Emmy Award, if I have my background.

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Fantastic. I bet, Abraham, you never thought you were going to be a star in a reality TV show.

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So a lot of people don't have the wealth that you had built up to secure funding for something that they want to pursue, like you did with Shanti Bhavan. What advice would you give to others on how do you create a sustainable nonprofit? Meaning if you could go back in time and do this over again, would you approach it differently?

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Okay. And another thing I wanted to talk about is, and we're going to get to your results here in a second, but when you started, having been to India many times, phenomenal infrastructure and Silicon Valley-like things and cars and wealth. And then on the other hand, complete and utter lack of infrastructure, poverty. I've never seen anything like India in all my travels. Wow.

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maybe a few other countries, but there's such a huge difference between some of the big cities and the rural areas that you run this in. So as you were starting this out, you had to navigate huge systematic issues. We've talked about the caste discrimination issue. poverty, but also you were dealing with a lack of infrastructure.

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Along the way, he's created real, lasting impact for individuals and communities alike. In today's conversation, we're going to explore how you can become passion struck in your own life by learning from Dr. George's extraordinary example. You'll discover how aligning your actions with your values can create life changing impact, not just for yourself, but for others.

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How did you go about creating this when you were facing so many challenges?

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Well, I think what you've just taught us is an important lesson. Oftentimes, when you start an initiative like you did, It can be overwhelming because you realize how many different things have to get done. But I think something that you just talked about is important. You tackled these one by one as they came along. You didn't try to do everything at one time. You tried to solve one problem.

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That got you to another momentum point. Then you worked on another problem, got you to another point, and so on and so forth. And you had to employ a lot of ingenuity in order to get this done and great creativity in how you approached it. So I think those are important lessons as well.

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We'll discuss why education is one of the most powerful tools for creating generational change and how you can use your own passions to leave a legacy of purpose and empowerment. If you've ever wondered what it looks like to turn purpose into action and impact, this episode is for you.

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So I want to start talking a little bit about the impact. So in my introduction, I talk about that you have positively influenced the lives of 15,000 children, some who are now adults. And you also mentioned earlier on that some of these students have gone from the lowest caste in India to Ivy League schools and now earning advanced degrees and beyond.

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I wanted to maybe focus on a couple of the stories of some of the graduates. One of the ones I know, Shilpa wrote a memoir called The Elephant Chaser's Daughter and is now pursuing a PhD. Maybe Shilpa has completed the PhD. How does her story and others like hers reinforce your mission and inspire you to continue your work?

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So as you gather with your loved ones or reflect on your goals for the year ahead, let this conversation inspire you to embrace your passion, take bold action, and create a meaningful life. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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I love that. And I want to go back to something you said earlier on that in addition to the education, what you're really trying to instill in the children is leadership qualities. And the other thing you talked about is core values. You wanted to make sure that humility, emotional intelligence, kindness, gratitude, those things are important to them.

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I am absolutely honored and thrilled today to have Dr. Abraham George join us for PassionStruck. Welcome, Abraham. Thank you, John. Today, we are talking from a world apart. You are in southern India, and I'm talking to you from just outside of Tampa, Florida. How are you today? I'm just fine. I'm happy to be with you.

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And this leads me to there's got to be a huge multiplying effect that this has had not only on the graduates, but how it's contributed to the broader social change in their communities and beyond. Can you talk a little bit about how this has changed their families and maybe even their villages by having their success help others in their community?

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It's just so inspiring what you have done, Abraham. And I love to bring on what I consider to be everyday heroes on this show to really highlight the work that you're doing to show other people that they also can make change. And I think something that you've said is important.

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All you got to do is create change in one person's life and it creates a ripple effect onto others that can influence communities and the world beyond. And I know one of your favorite messages is the importance of a world only a heart can build. And it's really balancing compassion and with creating solutions for complex societal changes.

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Well, I'm happy to have you here and go into this remarkable movement that you've created. Before we go into that, I'd like to start these interviews out by going into the guest's background. And you and I have something in common in that we both served in the military, and you were a young lieutenant in the Indian military. And at the time, you were stationed...

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So on that world only a heart can build line, what would be your advice to listeners out there so we can create more people to create a world only a heart can build?

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So, Abraham, the last thing I wanted to cover is beyond Shanti Bhavan, you've established the Indian Institute of Journalism and New Media and the Baldev Medical Center. How do those initiatives complement your mission of addressing systematic poverty and inequality?

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high up, like 14,000 feet in the Himalayas. How did the challenges that you faced during that period of your youth and the reflection you did on that mountain shape your views on life and what you're doing today?

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Okay. Well, thank you for that. And this leads to my last question. Abraham, for you, what does legacy mean? And how do you hope Shanti Bhavan and your other initiatives will continue to make an impact for generations to come?

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Abraham, thank you so much for joining us today. I'm so glad that we could highlight the accomplishments that you and your community are making. Thank you for joining us today on PassionStruck.

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Oh, you're so kind and you're very welcome. Again, it was my honor to showcase your work to the world. So thank you again so much for being here. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Bye. Thank you for joining me on this very special holiday episode of the Passion Struck Podcast.

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As we reflect on Dr. George's incredible journey, I hope his story reminds you of the profound impact we can create when we align our actions with our values and dedicate ourselves to a purpose greater than ourselves. Dr. George's work is a testament to the transformative power of passion, resilience, and intentional vision.

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Whether it's through education, social justice, or the everyday choices we make, each of us has the power to ignite meaningful change in the lives of others and within our own communities. As you celebrate this holiday season and prepare for the year ahead, take a moment to consider how you can become passion struck in your own life. What steps can you take to live with greater intention?

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How can you use your unique skills and passions to make a lasting difference? Dr. George's story is a call to action for all of us.

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his belief that education especially for young girls can break generational cycles of poverty is not just inspiring it's a roadmap for meaningful change for more on dr abraham george's incredible work including the legacy of shanti bhavan and his books like india untouched check out the show notes at passionstruck.com be sure to explore our youtube channel for today's episode and many more and visit passionstruck.com deals for exclusive offers from our sponsors supporting them

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helps keep Passion Struck thriving and allows us to bring you conversations like this one. Looking to deepen your journey? Head over to passionstruck.com and take the Passion Struck quiz to see where you are on your path to living an intentional, purpose-driven life.

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Sign up for our Live Intentionally newsletter for weekly insights, actionable exercises, and the courage challenge to put these lessons into practice. You can connect with me on Twitter and Instagram at JohnRMiles or find me on LinkedIn. I'd love to hear how Dr. George's story inspired you and what changes you're inspired to make in your own life.

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If you found value in today's conversation, please rate and review the show with five stars and share this episode with someone who would be inspired by Dr. George's incredible story. Your support helps expand our community and amplify our mission to empower people to live intentional, impactful lives. Now, here's a sneak peek at what's coming up next on PassionStruck.

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I'm joined by James Arthur Ray and Bersa Bay Ray, who will share insights from their groundbreaking work, God, Money, and Sex, Understanding and Mastering the Three Human Dilemmas. Together, we'll explore how these three forces shape our lives and uncover practical solutions to navigate them. You won't want to miss it.

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going to be which presupposes there was a 2.0 and a 1.0 which are different stories who is he going to be what's he going to be about thank you as always for spending time with us today and for being part of the passion struck community remember the lessons you learn here are only as powerful as the actions you take have a joyful and meaningful holiday season and as always live life passion struck

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And I understand while you were up there, you had time to do some deep reflection and you discovered a few books that ended up having a profound influence on you. Can you talk about that?

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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And I think the quote that you were talking about is there's nothing right about war. It's about who is left. Yes. I can understand your feeling having been injured myself when I was in service and the deep reflections that it had for me in my life and a call to someday do service to others, which I try to do through this podcast.

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I recently had an interesting guest, George Appling, whose episode will air before yours. He has this new book called Don't Settle. He talks about that there are five paths that you can take if you eventually want your passion to become your livelihood. One of them that he talks about is

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is the balanced approach where you've got this long-term goal, this passion that you want to create, but it's balanced because you realize you need a funding source in order to do it. And so you initially go off on a path to create that funding source. And that's exactly what you ended up doing. Can you talk about,

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We'll get into that more, but can you talk about how you went from the Himalayas to NYU University just a few years later?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey, PassionStruck fam. Welcome back to episode 550 of the PassionStruck podcast.

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So I wanted to ask Abraham, when you were on this, I guess, this stretch where you had this successful career in the U.S., you end up selling your company to SunGard, if I have it correct. Was there a defining moment that compelled you to take that leap? Like, why did you do it when you did it? You could have done it earlier. You could have done it later. Why in that moment?

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I just want to pause there because I think a lot of listeners who might be tuning in might feel like they have a bigger calling, a leap that they want to take themselves, yet they get stuck because they say, when will I have enough money? When will I have the time to do it? When will be the right opportunity for me to go out and try to do this? What's your recommendation to them?

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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So one of the things that's plaguing so many people, especially in the Western world, is that there's so many of us who feel like we only matter when we perform, when we produce, when we people please. What is your advice to break that conditioning?

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It's where insights become daily practices and where people come together to build lives of meaning, courage, and contribution, which brings me to today's conversation. Let me start with a few questions. What if the feeling of emptiness you carry isn't a flaw, but a signpost? What if pain and panic aren't obstacles to peace, but invitations?

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Thank you for sharing that Rinpoche, and I'm going to share a personal story to give a little bit of my perspective on this. I told you before we came on that I was a senior executive for a while in my career, and I had reached what many people would have thought the apex. I was a chief information officer at Dell and had a large organization, the dream job I had always wanted. But

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And what if everything you've been searching for is already within you? Today's guest is one of the most revered meditation masters, Yonge Minyor Rinpoche. a bestselling author, global spiritual teacher, and the embodiment of joyful presence.

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underneath the surface, I could feel myself unraveling and slowly disappearing from my own life. It's a really interesting and terrifying experience to go through. And I often say it's what I think Henry David Thoreau was trying to warn us about when he said the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation because we keep searching in the wrong places.

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And the more I was concerned about the money, the accolades, the titles, the more I lived my life, even though outwardly it was successful, I was living it almost like I was a pinball where I was bouncing off of things, the wrong things, instead of being intentionally committed to the right things. And so what ended up happening to me, you talked about being hollow, is I felt more hollow

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physically, emotionally, spiritually, relationship-wise than I ever had in my entire life. I felt like I was a shell of myself. And when you reach that point, it's very... worrisome. I can't even tell you how painful it felt because you've gotten to this bottom of the abyss and you have no idea how to climb out of it.

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And so what I'm doing now with the podcast is maybe people haven't fallen that far and we can help them before they do.

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but i think what i am trying to bring is i have lived this so for me this is a really painful aspect of my life and what i am trying to do is to help people i think like you are so that they don't have to suffer like i did but it really means that you have to shift your whole life and your value system and what you hold sacred to a whole different

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In this profound conversation, we explore how suffering can become wisdom, how awareness is always with us even when we forget, and why mattering isn't something we earn, but something we uncover. In our conversation, we explore how panic became Rinpoche's greatest teacher, why awe, appreciation, and compassion are portals to our true nature,

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element because all the things that I thought were going to bring me success, fulfillment, brought me emptiness. But now that I have really focused on impacting people, trying to end as much suffering as I can, trying to give myself to others, my sense of fulfillment has risen and the other areas of my life has as well. So I think that that is an example of what you were saying with your words.

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We go into the difference between feeling like you matter and truly knowing you do. We discuss how to heal the wounds of anti-mattering and restore connection in divided communities, and why spiritual awakening doesn't require becoming someone new. It requires remembering who you are. If you're struggling with identity loss or simply trying to feel whole, this episode is for you.

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I want to switch directions a little bit. I'm not sure if you're familiar with Dacher Keltner. He's a professor at University of California, Berkeley. But he studies compassion, kindness, and awe. And I interviewed him a couple of years ago when his book on awe came out. And it was the first time I had heard the term moral beauty.

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And he was trying to figure out, normally we think of awe as something that we experience with the birth of a child, or we see the Mona Lisa, or maybe the Himalayas in your country. And that's what brings us awe. But he found that the number one source of awe across all cultures is the moral beauty of ordinary people.

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It's when we perform or witness acts of compassion, of love, of kindness onto another human being. What do you think that reveals about the human heart?

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And last week, I released a solo episode on serendipity and how chance encounters and unexpected turns often hold the deepest clues to our own sense of mattering. It's part of a larger conversation I'm bringing in the Ignition Room, how we can reawaken our sense of purpose through small moments that shift everything.

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So one of your teachings is that even a single breath can help awaken awareness. Using that analogy, do you see the experience of awe as a doorway into presence or into something even deeper?

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Yes.

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I also sat down with Laura and Isabel Hoff, daughters of the Iceman, Wim Hoff, to explore the intersection of trauma, cold therapy, and transformation. And then we also unpacked the gut-brain paradox with Dr. Stephen Gundry, who eliminated how what we consume can shape our clarity, mood, and resilience.

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So when I hear you talk about this concept, I have a concept to myself and it seems the two dovetail pretty nicely. I believe that there are four different levels of mattering that we go through. There's a feeling that you have to have that you matter. So there's personal mattering. There's a feeling that others feel that you matter and make you feel like you matter.

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There's the light helping other people through your influence and your involvement feel like they matter. And then I believe that there's a ripple effect that happens when all those things come into place that all of a sudden you can start making community, society, the world matter more. Is that kind of a good way to think about it?

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And if you're just discovering us, check out our episode starter packs at Spotify or passionstruck.com slash starter packs. Curated playlists that make it easy to dive into topics like personal growth, emotional mastery, and leadership. And if this work speaks to you, come join us inside the ignition room. Links are in the show notes.

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So I wanted to get your perspective from your traditions and spiritual background of what happens within us when we witness someone's kindness, compassion, or courage. What opens? What heals?

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The leading scientist in the world on the science of mattering is a gentleman named Dr. Gordon Flett from Canada, and he has coined this term anti-mattering. Do you think that the experience of anti-mattering is a delusion of the ego or a real wound that needs healing?

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because transformation happens faster and more meaningfully when we do it together. Now, let's dive into this extraordinary conversation with Yonge Mingor and Rinpoche. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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Thank you for sharing that. I wanted to talk more about communities. And one of the things that I've really been trying to study up on is dehumanization and the need to belong. How in so many societies now we're treating people as the other side. And I have come to believe.

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and I've studied this spiritually, and I've really studied the work of Kurt Gray and Emil Bruno, who found that if we can start seeing ourselves in the other side, because we're more common than we are different, we can start ending a lot of the world conflicts that we're experiencing. So to me, this gets back to this concept of mattering. It's how do we move from I matter

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I am absolutely thrilled and honored to have Yonge Mingur Rinpoche on PassionStruck. Welcome Rinpoche.

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to we matter without losing the sense of personal dignity and worth that often holds us back from making those concessions to see the other person as a mirror of ourselves. How do you suggest we do that?

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I am very happy you're here from Nepal as well. And I actually interact with people in Nepal all the time because my whole web development team is based in Nepal. Yes. And some of the most passionate people I have worked with and dedicated. So I'm very happy to call them to be part of what we do here at PassionStruck. Thank you. So I thought I would open with this question.

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So from your perspective, from a contemplative or Buddhist perspective, what does true inclusion look like? Is it sameness or is it something else entirely?

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You often say the world is your meditation teacher. In this time of so much division and disconnection, what is the world trying to teach us?

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Renpoche, if you could give communities one daily practice to help them remember that every person matters, what would that be?

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Thank you so much for sharing that. And I think the last thing I wanted to explore with you before we get into a quick wrap up questions is, How do we practice compassion, love, and kindness in communities where we feel betrayed or misunderstood?

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So I wanted to ask, Rinpoche, if you could write one sentence on a wall that every community in the world had to see each morning when they first woke up, what would it say?

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Thank you. And I'm going to end with this question. You've said before in other interviews that the best teacher is not words, but your own example. What legacy do you hope your presence is leaving on others?

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Absolutely, just like you did today. Rinpoche, it was such an honor to have you here today. Thank you so much for giving us the honor of your presence.

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And that's a wrap. What an incredible gift to share the space with Yonge Mingyur Rinpoche. His wisdom, humor, and vulnerability remind us that transformation isn't about striving, it's about seeing. That pain can be a teacher, not a problem. And that awareness, love, and compassion are not distant goals, but present realities we can reconnect with at any time.

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Here are a few takeaways I invite you to reflect on. What if your panic or fear isn't a flaw, but an invitation? How can you stop trying to fix yourself and instead start witnessing yourself? What micro moments of meaning can you create today for yourself or for someone else? And how do we move from I matter to you matter to we matter?

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If today's conversation sparks something in you, please consider leaving a five-star review. It helps the show reach more people. and fuels our mission to bring more intentional insights to the world. And if someone came to mind while listening, share this episode with them. You never know what doors it might open.

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For links, highlights, and resources, including Rinpoche's books and guided practices, visit the show notes at passionstruck.com. You can also watch the full video interview on my YouTube channel. Just search for John R. Miles and be sure to subscribe while you're there.

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And don't forget to check out my recent solo episode on serendipity and mattering, where I explore how the smallest unexpected moments can be signs that you already belong and that your life matters more than you may realize.

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Coming up next on PassionStruck, I'm joined by Dr. Rosalind Chow, author of The Doors You Can Open, a new way to network, build trust, and use your influence to create a more inclusive workspace. We unpack how to navigate power, relationships, and inclusion with integrity, and why creating access for others is one of the most transformative forms of leadership.

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To me, mattering is knowing that other people would notice if you were gone. That's something that I was thinking a lot more about. And so when we sponsor other people, we're essentially saying the world is better for having this person in it. And if you weren't aware of them, that would be very sad for all of us.

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And so when you think about people who don't get sponsored, basically they're not having someone going out and telling other people about how much They matter and how much they should miss them if they were not there.

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And remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value, share it. But more importantly, live it. Because knowledge alone doesn't change the world. Action does. Until next time, live life passion-struck.

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Thank you for sharing that. And I myself have experienced my own set of anxiety and trauma. So I understand how difficult it can be to overcome those things. When you look at the growing sense of the loneliness epidemics and the hopelessness that's happening globally, what do you believe is at the root of it?

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How can someone who might be listening or watching this sit with the pain of feeling that they don't belong without collapsing into despair?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

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Yes, I know. Unfortunately, this year, exactly what you mean by having to go through these periods in life. We were hit hard here by a natural disaster in the form of a hurricane and had three feet of water in our house. So we lost everything we owned. And it's amazing.

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that in the face of that adversity, what showed up more than anything were the family and friends who came to our aid to help us through. And so even in periods of grief, like you're saying, it does open up so many other areas that you sometimes don't think about that are truly special elements of your life, like you were just talking about, that we take for granted.

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I think to frame this discussion today, it's important to get your definition of mattering. What does it mean for you Rinpoche to matter in a community, not as a role, but as a human being?

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now let's go out there and become passion struck welcome to episode 601 of passion struck i'm your host john miles and whether you're joining us for the first time or you've been with us on this journey i am so glad you're here this is not just a podcast it's a movement One that's redefining how we live, love, lead, and grow.

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I know you love to use metaphors. So I wanted to ask you about this in a metaphorical way. Is mattering a river we enter or something that we carry with us?

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Here we explore what it means to live intentionally, to flourish fully, and to make what truly matters matter most. And now we're creating a space to go even deeper. It's called the Ignition Room, a new community designed to help you put these ideas into action.

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I think that's a great example and it leads me down this track that I was trying to think of before I got on the interview with you and that is Do we need to feel like we matter in order to awaken spiritually, or is it the awakening itself that helps us realize we always have?

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And it really struck me, and part of the issue was, The idea cycle was taking too long to go through the process of the system that we were using to get projects to go through this gating system through the executive committee, through all these sub gates to getting delivered. And I happened to discover your book at this time and read it and it really changed my viewpoint on the anatomy of

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How do you explain things so that they're stickier and that there's more of an urgency built underneath them to get it done more quickly? But I have to tell you, as I was going through this, I happened to go, I think it was probably eight or nine months later, I was at NRF, the National Retail Federation's big event in New York City.

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And I was fortunate enough to be working with a vendor who took us into this room and said, we have a special guest that we're going to introduce you to. And it was Tom Ridge, who had formerly been the first director of Homeland Security. And so we're in this room and we're talking to him. And we start, for one reason or another, start talking about this war on terror that

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President Bush was deeply involved in and that he was at the epicenter when he was Homeland Security, and I happened to talk to him about it and I said, Secretary Ridge, one thing that really strikes me is that This idea isn't sticking.

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And part of the reason it's not sticking is you're not using any type of scorecard for the American people to make them understand what progress is being made, what isn't being made, etc. And I took some ideas that you had from the book, and I actually... said them to them. And I'm not joking.

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Two weeks later, the president comes out with a national address and said, going forward, we're going to be using a scorecard to, he basically took everything I said to Tom Ridge and Tom Ridge had had, must've had a conversation with them. And they actually incorporated our discussion into national policy. So no way.

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Yes.

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Yeah, I mean, I was telling him that we use balanced scorecards all the time to look at the progress that we were making and to justify more attention being put on things so that they're sped up. And I suggested to him that they use the same type of thing to indicate pain points and progress and other things to make people understand what all the money and attention is doing.

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Well, it was just one of those lucky things where I just decided to speak, and he was kind enough to have that air about him that allowed you to speak to him, and I felt comfortable doing it. That's so good. Well, Dan, the book we're talking about today, which is your brand new book that we'll have released when this episode comes out, is titled Reset, How to Change What's Not Working.

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It was such an amazing evening, and I'll put the YouTube video for it in the show notes if you want to check it out. And speaking of inspirational, last week's episodes were packed with transformative insights. On Tuesday, I explored happiness, compassion, and the power of mattering with Dr. Rick Hansen, a conversation that truly hit the heart of what it means to live a fulfilled life.

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And to me, this whole idea of mattering, I think, really plays into this whole idea of reset. How does this concept of mattering resonate with the framework you explore in Reset?

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One of the things I love that you use throughout the book is really simple but well-meaning illustrations to convey many of the points. And in the same introduction that you're talking about, you use a metaphor of a boulder.

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I'm going to change this a little bit because something that an analogy I use and what I'm talking about here is being stuck is imagine you're at a point in time when you're driving a car and you don't have your cell phone. And your car runs out of gas. You're really stuck with two paths. You can either put your hand up in the air and try to get someone to come over and give you help.

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Then on Thursday, I spoke with Dr. Adam Galinsky about his new book, Inspire, and how to become a catalyst for positive influence and growth. If you missed these episodes, I encourage you to check them out. They provide such invaluable perspectives to help you thrive.

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But if not, you're either going to have to walk or you're going to have to push your car to a place where you can fill it up. And let's take that path of pushing the car because I think it's like your analogy to a boulder. So as you write in the book, when you're thinking about pushing this car, we often make the mistake of thinking that we can't do it because of a lack of effort.

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Meaning, it's going to take more effort to do it than we're possible, possibly able to achieve. But I love how you frame this because In order to move that car or the boulder, you've got to be smart and strategic. The thing that I really love that you use here is a term that you have in the book called a leverage point, which was originally popularized by Danella Meadows.

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But it really captures the situation because you're looking for a change of equilibrium on how do you push that car forward. in an efficient way that you're going to start getting momentum. And I think the same thing applies to changes we want in our life or in the work environment too. So can you take that analogy and maybe run with it a bit more?

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And then in my solo episode to honor the 16th anniversary of the miracle on the Hudson, I did an episode on Sully Sullenberger and the culture of mattering that led to that incredible landing where he saved all 155 lives. on that aircraft. Before we dive into today's episode, I want to thank you for being here.

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And I can't wait to explore some of this. I want to start out with something that you describe as situations of bad equilibria where people or systems are trapped in unsatisfactory patterns. And what are some of the telltale signs that we or our organizations are stuck in one of these cycles?

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Well, it's absolutely true. I want to go through a couple of chapters of the first section. Let's talk about chapter one, because to me, this really coincided with some of the value systems that I saw at Lowe's. This chapter really emphasizes going and seeing the work.

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Whether this is your first episode or you've been with us for all 562, your dedication to living intentionally and creating a meaningful life is what drives this community. We've created episode starter packs to help you navigate key themes like self-mastery, emotional resilience, and the science of mattering. Check them out at passionstruck.com starter packs or on Spotify.

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Lowe's had its own fleet of aircraft, and part of the reason for that was because if you were on the supply chain side, merchandising side, or stores operation side, those folks were constantly in the field going to see the distribution centers, going to see the stores because that's where the cash was made.

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to get firsthand observations for spotting inefficiencies or pain points or something else. And in the book, you talk about the work of Don Kiefer and Todd Astor, and also a case study in the MIT Sloan Management Review. And I was hoping maybe you could share that as an example for why it's so important to see this work.

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Also, be sure to subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com for weekly tools and insights. And join our thriving YouTube community of over 200,000 subscribers to watch each episode with immersive visuals.

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Oh, it's absolutely true. I would go on these visits with the Lowe's executives and I love going to the supply chain facilities and If anyone's familiar with distribution centers, they're really focused on this concept of cycle time, like how long does it take once a package gets in to get it back out? And

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Once you start seeing how everyone in these centers and the Lowe's ones were like a million, million and a half square foot are operating, that there's a lot of inefficiency.

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And so they, while I was there, implemented something called putting people on standard, which was they started to automate the way that they were picking so that the system would tell them where the next item was, how long they had to pick it. and did it in a coordinated manner so it didn't have them moving all through the facility, but had them go much more directly from point to point.

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So it's the same philosophy.

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Well, Dan, in chapter three, you discuss studying the bright spots, how focusing on what's already working can help replicate success. And in here, I love what you wrote. You say averages are great for monitoring, but terrible for diagnosis. Averages can tell us something's wrong, but they're unlikely to tell us what's wrong or how to fix it. And one of the things

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Today, I am absolutely thrilled and honored to welcome Dan Heath, the number one New York Times bestselling co-author of Made to Stick, Switch, The Power of Moments, and his latest book, Reset. With over 4 million books sold worldwide, Dan is a master at helping people and organizations unlock progress and create lasting impact.

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that you brought up was net promoter score. And when I was at Dell, that's what we use to judge everything was NPS. And the problem with it is it's really an average. So maybe you use that as a backdrop to discuss these bright spots and why they're so important.

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In this episode, we dive deep into Reset, a revolutionary guide for fixing broken systems, overcoming inertia, and reallocating resources to achieve maximum impact. Whether you're stuck in a frustrating work situation, struggling with personal habits, or looking to improve team dynamics, this conversation is packed with actionable tools to help you move forward.

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I mean, I think that's a great point. And I always use this example is so many people talk about their bucket list success. and what they want to accomplish. But I always tell them to look at their reverse bucket list. What are all the positive things that you've accomplished in your life that you never thought was possible?

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Because that really gives you that inner fortitude to feel like you can take on things where maybe you feel fear or self intimidation or something else. So I love that chapter.

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Such a well-said point. And I think, as you said, the book does have more applicability to organizations, but I did find some direct bright spots throughout it that people could apply directly to their lives. And this was a key one, which is why I decided to focus on it.

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Another chapter I have to go into is chapter four, and I'm going to introduce it like this. My brother... works at Chick-fil-A and absolutely loves working there. And I happen to be driving where I live here in St. Petersburg by a brand new Chick-fil-A that was being built. And I got him on the phone and I'm like, Pat, there's a new Chick-fil-A being built.

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And he said, can you stop and take pictures of the drive-thru? And we are piloting a new double drive-thru covered that we're putting into more markets. And I started asking him about the drive-through because for me, when you go to so many of their stores, you almost don't even want to go into them because they're like 80 cars in line, it seems.

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And you're like, this is going to take 10 years to get through. And I thought that this whole section of the book was fascinating on targeting the constraint. And I'm hoping you can use that to dive into it.

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Here's what we'll uncover in today's discussion, how progress fuels your sense of mattering and purpose. We go into the concept of leverage points, which are small changes that yield big results. Dan explains strategies for restacking resources to focus on what truly matters. We also go into practical tips like starting with a burst to build momentum.

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And lastly, we explore real-world examples from Chick-fil-A's drive-through innovation to hospital system transformations that demonstrate these principles and actions. If you've ever felt stuck in a bad system, a frustrating habit, or an unproductive relationship dynamic, this episode will empower you with the tools to reset and start making meaningful progress.

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Absolutely. Well said. The second portion of your book, as you described earlier, goes into this concept of restacking resources. And it's basically how can individuals or organizations identify where their time, energy or money is being wasted? And reallocate those resources to higher value activities. Sounds simple, but much harder to do than it sounds.

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And throughout this section, you go into start with a burst. Chapter seven is recycle wet waste. Chapter eight is do less and more. Chapter nine is tap motivation. And I love talking about motivation. And chapter 10 is let people drive and chapter 11 is get better, faster feedback.

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But I want to start out with start with a burst and something that I want to go back to is that whole thing that I was talking about with getting this car moving that's stuck on the side of the road, because in the, in this analogy, the force you need to get it moving. needs to be dramatically higher than the force you're going to need to keep it moving.

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And I think this is something that people don't look at enough, whether it's self-improvement or working on an initiative in a company. And getting it moving is where that first comes in. Can you use this to expand upon this concept?

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. Passion Struck family, I have such an incredible guest for you today, Dan Heath. Welcome to the podcast, Dan.

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Dan, the last chapter I want to talk to you about is chapter eight. I wrote in my own book about this concept of both and thinking. And so much today in the Western world, we tend to think of things as either or. And in this chapter, you introduce this principle of less and more. And in it, you write, this chapter is devoted to the trade-off of less of this, more of that.

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And what we're chasing in particular is a way to minimize the sting of those trade-offs. And you say in organization, it's not always a zero sum gain. You can find low sting, high bang trade-offs. Can you tell me what you mean by low sting, high bang trade-offs?

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Dan, I have been a fan of you and your brother Chip's books for years. If the listeners aren't familiar with you, you also have a phenomenal podcast that I listen to quite frequently. It's called What It's Like to Be. Congratulations on all your achievements.

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Well, Dan, such a fantastic book overall. I really enjoyed reading this. It's something that I want to give my son who's 26 as he is getting more and more in the workforce to understand how to utilize these principles better. And I am so glad you've brought another phenomenal book to the world.

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If someone wants to learn more about you and where they can find the book and your other books, where's the best place for them to go?

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And the last thing I just wanted to say is for the listeners, Dan and his brother have Written so many other books that I would also recommend, Upstream, Power of Moments, and perhaps Switch, which is how to change things when change is hard, which may be prior to this book, my favorite one that you had written. And it's such an honor to have you on the show. Thank you so much for joining us.

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What an insightful conversation that was with Dan Heath. His practical framework for getting unstuck, finding leverage points, and restacking resources is a game changer for anyone looking to make meaningful progress, whether in work, relationships, or personal habits.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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One of the biggest takeaways from today's episode is the power of progress as a motivator and how it ties directly to our sense of mattering. Dan's examples from Chick-fil-A's efficiency to eliminating waste in a hospital receiving area remind us that even small, intentional changes can create a ripple effect of transformation.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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As we wrap up, think about the areas in your own life or work where you feel stuck. Are there leverage points you can target or resources you can reallocate to focus on what truly matters? Remember, meaningful change doesn't require monumental effort. It starts with identifying a well-chosen something and taking intentional action.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please take a moment to leave us a five-star rating and review and share how you're applying these insights. And if you know someone who could benefit from Dan's message, please share this episode with them. Your support helps us grow this community and empower others to make intentional change.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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For links to everything we discussed today, including Dan's book, Reset, and tools he shared, check out the show notes at passionist.com. As a reminder, I'll also put the video for the Podcast Hall of Fame there as well. You can also support the show by visiting our sponsors at passionstruck.com slash deals where you'll find discount codes and special offers from our partners.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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Every resource fuels the show and helps us bring you inspiring content every week. Beyond the podcast, I am passionate about sharing these insights with organizations and teams through speaking engagements. If today's episode sparked something in you and you think these messages could inspire your organization, visit johnrmiles.com speaking to explore keynotes, workshops, and other opportunities.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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And don't forget to subscribe to our Live Intentionally newsletter and watch today's conversation on YouTube. Before we go, here's a preview of what's coming up next on PassionStruck. Joining us is Dr. Allison Wood Brooks, a Harvard Business School professor and author of Talk.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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In this episode, we dive into the science of conversations, why they matter, how to make them impactful, and how to navigate even the most challenging interactions. It's an episode packed with actionable insights you won't want to miss.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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Thank you as always for spending your time with us here on PassionStruck. If you found value in today's episode, the fee is simple. Share it with someone who could benefit. And as always, do your best to apply what you learn here so that you can live what you listen. Until next time, live life PassionStruck.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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Well, a couple of my favorites that I've listened to was Cindy Marble, who's a Secret Service agent. And it was so uncanny when I heard that. And her describing that what they're always trying to do is to prevent someone from taking the high ground. And then, unfortunately, the Trump assassination attempt where it was a colossal fail on that.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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What does seem to be when you hear about it, how some were on walkie talkies, others were on cell phones, others had different bands that there it was really a cluster situation.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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Another one I really liked having spent a lot of time in London was your interview with Jamie Owens, because I have always been amazed. at just the deaths of knowledge that London cabbies have to have in order to be granted the right to drive a cab. But yours really brought out some different dimensions when they had famous guests in the cab and other things. So I really enjoyed that one as well.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam, welcome to episode 562.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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I mean, it really was. And having heard similar experiences from New York cab drivers, it rings true on both sides of the Atlantic. And one of the most fascinating things you were talking about their prequalifications is during this exam, they're asked questions.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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to take people from point A to point B. And oftentimes the routes that they're given have construction or it could even be maybe the prime minister is doing an event that day and they have to be so up to knowledge on what's happening that they take the most direct route in order to pass the test. Like you're saying, it's just mind boggling.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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Absolutely. Dan, I'm going to ask you about one last episode here in a second. But before I do, I just wanted to tell you this, that Passion Struck really centers on this overwhelming idea that everyone matters. And I love the people you profile because some of my favorite guests are what I call everyday heroes who no one really knows about, but they're doing jobs that really matter.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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And I find that intentionality is the key to creating meaningful change. So I was listening to your most recent episode with Sheldon Corsi, who's a Christmas tree farmer near Cincinnati. And the thing that really hit me was he was talking about his job is he's a farmer like any other farmer, but the difference between him and others is that he makes people's Christmas dreams come true.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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And he makes other people feel like they matter. And I was wanted to use that maybe as an intro, you can talk about that episode. But what does mattering mean to you?

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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Have you ever wondered why some people seem to thrive even in the most challenging environments while others struggle to gain momentum? What's the secret to breaking free from stuck patterns, whether in your personal life, relationships or work? Today, we're diving into that exact question and uncovering how to reset systems and habits to unlock meaningful progress. If you're new here, welcome.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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When you hear mattering, it seems like such an easy thing to describe or think about, but it's really complex and really permeates all aspects of life.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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So I want to turn, before we start discussing your newest book, to one of your first books. I want to take people back into time. So the time period here is the end of 2006, beginning of 2007. And I worked as an executive at Lowe's Home Improvement. And I had just gone from leading cybersecurity infrastructure operations to being tapped on the shoulder to lead all application development.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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And we had a, about a billion and a half dollar budget where the vast majority of it was going to application development type efforts. And we were, I remember I was talking to the head of strategy who is a real good friend of mine. And he told me as I was taking the job, John said, You guys in IT are phenomenal at delivering solutions that are irrelevant by the time they're delivered.

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Dan Heath on How to Reset Your Brain for Success | EP 562

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You have just joined a community that's all about transformation, purpose, and tapping into your fullest potential. We are thrilled to have you on this journey with us. This last week was a truly profound one for me. On Friday, I was so honored to be the master of ceremony at the Podcast Hall of Fame, where we welcomed in 11 new inductees into the 2025 class.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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how to rethink about them and that it wasn't my fault, it opened the door for me to emerge as a much stronger new version of myself. Does that resonate with you? Yeah, that's beautiful.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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Yeah. So similar to you, I did cognitive processing therapy. I did EMDR. I did Reiki. I did yoga. I did all these things. I did tons of long walks. I tried podcasts. I tried personal growth books. I guess what it finally was is I went through a prolonged exposure therapy and I had a really bad, I guess, traumatic event that

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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It's hard because I've had many, but I decided to just focus on one because I figured if I could start dealing with this story, I could then figure out a way to deal with the others. But it was tough because I'd have to go into these sessions and do them time and time again.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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And it was almost as if, I guess the way that they do it is that the therapist treats it as if they've never heard it before. So you've got to go through the whole experience again and again. The more I told it, the more I started to see different sides of it and how I was really creating these mental barriers that I was allowing myself to to self-destruct over.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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When you join the Ignition Room, our new community for episode reflections, prompts, and behind-the-scenes conversations, you'll be able to win a PassionStruck t-shirt and hat from the new line. To enter, just head to theignitedlife.net. It's completely free and our community is growing every day.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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And I refer to this all the time as something that I call, we become a visionary arsonist to our dreams. And I was arsoning the very things I wanted to accomplish because I couldn't get out of my own way.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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Well, I had been given a calling a long time ago, probably around, I don't know, 2008, 2009, that I was supposed to be helping this group of people that The message in my head was the helpless, the hopeless, the lonely, the bored, the broken of the world. And at the time, I'm a senior executive in a Fortune 50 company, and I have no idea what this message is or how I was trying to help them.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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And my initial thought was I'm supposed to go and help people at St. Vincent de Paul or the people who are out there who are homeless. I went and I did work in cold shelters and other things. And those people are extremely needy. But the further I got into this, what I started to realize is the people that I've been called to serve aren't

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just them, there are billions of people right now who are lost. And I started to see that this lost person that I was, who was caught up in this societal conditioning and believing the myth or the lie that we're taught to believe was just that, a lie. And that All the things that I thought were gonna bring me fulfillment, success, happiness were driving me further away from it.

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And I came to the conclusion that I now was here To talk more authentically about this, because as Rory said, I think once we've gone through this and we felt it and the pain of it, the last thing you want to do is have another person feel the pain that you felt.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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So that for me was then my switch to now that I've figured out a way for myself to get through this, how do I start helping other people start getting through it?

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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Well, it depends on what your spirituality is. I would have said it came from God. Other people would say it came from the source, from the universe. But let's just say it came from the source. I tried to steer away from going down the path of dealing with it. And it became like a biblical tale of scorpions and floods. Yeah. termites and rodents and bedbugs.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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Now, we're in the midst of Mental Health Awareness Month and we're focusing on how you move beyond just symptom management to deep, sustainable well-being. Last week, I released a solo episode on how to reframe your inner world When Life Feels Like It's Too Much, where we talked about shifting our mindset and creating healthier thought patterns in times of overwhelm.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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And I can't even tell you how many times I was hit over the head before I woke up and people laugh about it when they hear the story. But I think if you really think about it, we all have our own journey of the story. Mine had more biblical elements to it, but I think a lot of people are given the message and they choose to ignore it. What's your thought?

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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Like literally.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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I thought you were just talking metaphorically. In the shower and my eyes closed and all of a sudden feeling this stinging sensation and looking up and seeing scorpions falling from the ceiling. Yes.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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Well, I didn't at the time, but then when they came back, then when termites destroyed half my house, then when my house was flooded in a storm, then when my kids had bedbugs, then it was just like this. This series of unfortunate events that just kept getting worse and worse. And the more I leaned into steering myself away from it, the more painful it became.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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Yeah. Well, I. Recently, I was at the service and Christian-based church, and it reminded me during the service of this verse from Matthew. It's Matthew 16, 26, and it reads, what do you benefit if you gain the whole world, but you lose your own soul? Is there anything more than your soul? And It got me to thinking about it as I was at these lowest points. That's really what I was doing.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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If you think about it from a biblical standpoint is I was really fighting for my soul. And did you ever have that feeling? What does it truly mean to fight for your soul rather than against it?

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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It does. And one of the things I loved about your book is how many amazing quotable sections that there are. I'm writing a book now and I'm going to use some of them. One of them is you write that the mind is like a projector and the world is the screen. And that reminds me of this whole topic of fighting for your soul, because we become the prisoners of the stories we tell ourselves.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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And it really comes down to How do you recognize that you're trapped in a projection of your own suffering? Because I think that's what people don't wake up to.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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Additionally, we had two powerful episodes last week. On Tuesday, I spoke with Dr. Zach Mercurio about his powerful new book, The Power of Mattering, which explored how small acts of recognition can transform cultures and individual lives. Then on Thursday, I had the incredible Viet Simpkin on the show. Her life story from addiction to meditation guru is nothing short of extraordinary.

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One of the things I know you want to do explore, and I think it fits into here, Joseph, is when we're going through this battle, we often are caught between logic, how we think the world works, and the intuition that's pulling us in a different direction. And they're opposite at times, they're complementary at times, and sometimes they're completely something else when we're making life decisions.

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What are your thoughts on that?

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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And in our conversation, we discussed the radical connection between meditation, mattering and reclaiming your life. And today we're shifting gears, but staying on track. Let me ask you this. What if the biggest thing standing between you and your true potential isn't your circumstances, but the way you're thinking about them?

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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Even if others don't understand. Joseph, I'm going to have to send you a copy of my book since I read yours because the whole opening introduction of the book is exactly what you just talked about. And I actually go through and I have in there, here's the formula that we're typically given in life. And it typically leads to the opposite of what we want inside.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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And I use that as a starting point of how you have to create an intentional life if you want one that matters and start focusing on things that really matter to you instead of the things that aren't gonna move the needle. And I'm just gonna tie in a personal story for you because before I started PassionStruck and I was just talking about the idea to some people, I was getting so much pushback.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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I remember not to give his name, but I was talking to a really successful person in Tampa. This person had just had a major exit, had made hundreds of millions of dollars from it. And I was talking to him about what I was hoping to do. And he said, John, you know how many people have told me to do that and how difficult what you're saying it is to actually accomplish?

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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What if the very thoughts you're telling yourself are what's keeping you stuck? That's exactly what today's guest, Joseph Wynn, the number one New York Times bestselling author of Don't Believe Everything You Think, is here to help us with.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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He goes, I want you to think about it because look at what you're leaving behind. And you are going to struggle so hard and you have no idea if that struggle is going to lead anywhere. And then early on in the journey, when I decided to do it, I was talking to Jordan Harbinger.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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I'm not sure if you've been on his show or not, but I was talking to Jordan, who's been doing podcasting almost since the beginning. And I said, what would be your advice for going down this medium? And he said, my best advice would be never to start. Yeah. And I understand why he said it now.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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And he told me a couple of years into it that if I was the type of person who heard him say that, got the warning and still persevered, that was the type of person who needs to do it. But the fact is there are tons of unknown. You don't know what's going to happen. You don't know if something's going to take hold.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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You don't know when you self-publish a book, what's going to happen to it, just like you did. But I really firmly believe that if your intuition is really calling you to do something, I really think it's that greater power that's telling you that you were put here on earth to do something.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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You were supposed to serve people in a way that only you can do through the inherent talents that you've been given. And you're supposed to help people flourish. And when we struggle against that, I think it's when we have the roughest patches in our lives, like I experienced, like you experienced, but when we're leaning more into it,

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I think the gates open up and we find ourselves more on a glide path because we're doing what we've been called to do. And that's how I have learned to realize it. Because when I started out, I wasn't trying to impact millions. I now am. But all I thought is podcasting was great because I get to have a conversation with one person who might be listening.

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And perhaps they were that person I once were. And if I can make them start thinking about their life in a different way and take it in a more positive trajectory, well, then I'm winning the battle. That's the whole point of doing this.

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This is a book that has resonated deeply with millions of readers worldwide, and Joseph challenges us to rethink how we approach happiness, suffering, and the nature of our thoughts. His work has become a powerful guide for those looking to free themselves from the mental traps that keep themselves trapped in cycles of stress, anxiety, and self-doubt.

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And I have to remind myself of that fact that you never realize like this discussion we're having here today, just if you never realize what struggles someone is going through, it could be someone dealing with cancer. It could be someone who is facing mental struggles so deeply that they're willing, they're thinking about ending their life.

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It could be someone who faced deep deaths of despair from sexual abuse or something else. And And hopefully we can give them guidance to take them out of their despair. That's how I look at it.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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Well, I completely agree with you there. Joseph, I wanted to switch the discussion a little bit to do a little bit of talking on something that I've deeply been researching, which is mattering. It's basically what I've been trying to look at is why are people feeling so invisible or like they're not enough? And I think a lot of it is what we've been talking about.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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They attach their worth to their achievements. And the whole premise of your book is your thoughts don't define you. And it's become a radical idea, but it's not really radical. It's really how do you detach your identity from your thoughts, especially when the world constantly pressures you to be something?

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And I think we get so focused on that B that we forget the U that started the whole journey to begin with. And where I wanted to go with this is I think one of the biggest groups of people who are being trained to think like this are kids today because they're seeing parents like I was, who are modeling this behavior. And then now the kid is thinking, if I get all As, that's the key to success.

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Joseph Nguyen on Why You Must Fight for Your Inner Peace | EP 613

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If I get into the best college, that's the key to success. If I do all the things, et cetera. In your mind, if that is where it starts, how do we start breaking this cycle?

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This conversation is especially meaningful for me because Joseph's journey mirrors my own, a constant search for external success, achieving more, but still feeling like it was never enough. He and I both tried everything, therapy, breathwork, success strategies, but none of those things fixed the root issue. So what actually works?

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And maybe I need to write a book right there, because I'll tell you, when I became a parent, there was no book. And I still haven't found one.

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It definitely is. I had Jennifer Wallace on the show a long time ago. I don't know if you know who Jennifer is, but she wrote a bestseller called Never Enough.

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she was really going into the achievement cult the high achievement culture that's affecting so many kids and one of the things i remember that she told me was the issue is it becomes this endless loop so you've got these kids who are seeing their parents modeling this and then the parents are the ones who've got to steer the ship but the parents themselves aren't getting

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the feeling that they matter they're going into work and they're doing things that aren't inspiring them they're not getting positive feedback they're burned out they come home completely empty and then they have nothing left to give to the kids and to me it's counterintuitive but you In order to help the kids, you have to help the parents start feeling like they're engaged again.

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In today's episode, we dive into why overthinking is one of the biggest barriers to human flourishing. How to break free from the cycle of chasing success and external validation. What it truly means to fight for your soul rather than against it. How to balance intentionality and purpose while letting go of the need for constant achievement.

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Congratulations.

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I was just talking to another guest near IL. Yes, I know. We were talking about how he was raising his daughter. I think she's 14-ish and how they homeschool. And we were getting into this whole I guess, line of thought that we aren't giving, as you were just explaining, kids the space to become themselves. And I grew up, I love my parents.

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They're very supportive, but I was held to such high expectations, both by them and my grandparents. And I didn't feel like I could go to them with any weakness or any screw up because of how much I felt I would get judged. And then on top of that, I was sent to parochial schools.

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This episode is about shifting our inner dialogue, understanding the power of our thoughts, and learning how to truly be at peace with who we are. Now, let's dive in to this deep, transformative conversation with Joseph Nguyen. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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So I'm in this very Catholic environment being raised by a very Catholic family and even more Catholic instead of grandparents. I had one grandmother who went to church every single day. And I'm conditioned that you're constantly sinning and you're going to go to the other place and you can't make mistakes.

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For me, I then, instead of going down this path where I was going to go to a civilian college, I ended up going to the Naval Academy. So I brought even more conditioning on me. So I tell people that it wasn't like until I was 30 when I got out of the military, when I stopped being conditioned to be someone else. But I think we, so many of us, grow up wearing these masks.

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And when you have this mask that you're pretending to be someone you're not, it is horrible because you're not letting the true you come out in any way. And is that how you ever felt?

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I remember my son, he's now 26, but at the time he was three or four. And I remember I just was parenting just like I had been parented, which was... It's obviously common. And I remember I just made this decision that he's going to be totally screwed up like I was if I don't switch the pattern now. And it was really tough. But I learned that I had to let go.

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And so luckily with both the kids, I just realized that it's much better if they screw up royally when they're young than they don't do it, than doing it when they get older, when the consequences become much more severe. And I think it's allowed them to be able to come to us and talk about things, my son more than my daughter.

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I am absolutely honored today to have Joseph Wynn on PassionStruck. Welcome, Joseph. Thank you so much, John. It's an honor to be here. When you guys reached out to me, I have to say the honor was mine because your book has touched so many people around the world. And if people don't know what I'm talking about, the name of Joseph's book is Don't Believe Everything You Think.

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But I'm glad I made that pivot because I feel like they have the space that they feel that they can come to us and have real conversations.

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Sure isn't easy for those who are listening. Oh yeah. So speaking about the listeners, Joseph, people might be listening to our discussion and thinking everything John and Joseph are talking about sounds really nice, but here I am and I just can't turn off my thoughts. How do I actually create that space when you're stuck in the mental loop that we often find ourselves in?

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What would be your advice to that person?

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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And it has become a global phenomenon. So congratulations.

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Joseph, thanks for going through that. So pause, ask yourself, understand, say an experience. I wanted to ask you, have you created a workbook that I might be able to share with the audience about this process that I could include in the show notes? So that'll be in.

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Okay. And then lastly, I wanted to take people through a situation. I had a listener contact me yesterday and she had this job that she loved for a person that she loved working for. And unfortunately that relationship became toxic and she lost her job. And her initial thought was this is because of me, this is because of my actions. Everyone around me now is going to start judging me.

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I remember one time I was having a discussion with Rory Vaden. Not sure if you know who he is. I do.

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I'm never going to be able to recover from this. It's so unfair. What do I do to take care of my kids, etc. Using your book and your framework, what would be your advice to someone like that who's going through a similar situation?

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But Rory said to me, as I was trying to think through what I was trying to do with Passion Struck and everything, and he said, John, your best position to serve the person who you once were And Joseph, I have to say, reading your story, it felt like I was actually looking into a mirror.

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And if there was one last thought of inspiration you would like to leave a listener with or a takeaway from the book that you would like to end this conversation on, what might it be?

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Joseph, it was such an honor to have you on the show. Congratulations again on the book and the impact that it's having. I've found today to be one of the most inspirational podcasts I've done in a while. So thank you so much.

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And that's a wrap. What an incredible conversation with Joseph Nguyen. His insights on how our thoughts shape our reality and the powerful idea that suffering isn't by circumstances. but by how we think about them are nothing short of transformative. Joseph's journey reminds us that our inner dialogue holds the key to our well-being. It's not about fixing our external circumstances.

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I know personally what it's like to reach that point where on paper everything looks great, but inside you're in a complete downward spiral. I have never felt so much numbness in my entire life. And I too chased external validation. I was, in my case, climbing the corporate ladder.

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It's about changing the way we engage with our thoughts. The true path to peace and purpose lies in releasing the need for external validation and instead learning to live from our soul. As we close out today's episode, I invite you to reflect on a few key takeaways. How can you begin to detach your happiness from external circumstances?

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What would it look like if you stopped chasing success and started chasing alignment with your true self? And how can you create a space for stillness and reflection in your life to break free from the cycle of overthinking and self-doubt? If today's episode resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and

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It's one of the best ways to support the show and help us bring these conversations to more people. And if you know someone who could benefit from Joseph's wisdom, share this episode with them. A single conversation has the power to change a life. For all the resources we discussed, including Joseph's book, Don't Believe Everything You Think, visit the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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And if this mission resonates with you, I'd love to bring it to your stage. I'm now booking speaking engagements for 2025 and 2026. Visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn how I can support your organization's journey to purpose and performance.

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You can also join the Ignition Room, subscribe to the Ignited Life newsletter, and catch full video episodes and bonus content on our YouTube channels. Coming up next on Passion Struck, have you ever wondered how vulnerability and authenticity can transform your life and career? In my upcoming episode, I sit down with the incredible Janet Edley.

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a leader in personal growth and empowerment to explore how embracing our true selves unlocks extraordinary potential. From overcoming life's toughest challenges to creating meaningful connections and leading with purpose, Janet's journey is a testament to the power of vulnerability and creating lasting change.

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Until then, live boldly, lead with purpose, and as always, live life passion-struck.

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Trying to build and build and constantly striving for more, but no matter what I achieved, I just never felt like it was enough. I was caught in what I now call chasing the mirage. So after reading your book, it so deeply resonated with me, and I thought I would share that with you.

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Yeah, sometimes we don't think about the bigger things that are happening in the world. And when you start thinking about that, there are 2 billion people in the world who don't have clean water, a billion people in the world who don't know where they're getting their next meal from, or even the fact that 99% of us now are breathing contaminated air.

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It gives you a lot of things to think about and my favorite way that I've heard it explained is when I talk to astronauts and they discuss the overview effect and one of my really good friends is an astronaut and I always remember him telling me this story that he's on the ISS, he's flying over New York, he's looking down, he's picturing himself, it's rush hour, how agitated the people are.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become Passion Struck.

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They're giving each other the finger. They're in a hurry to get from here and there. And he's just said, I'm sitting up here looking down, realizing that none of that matters. And why can't we live in a world where we see the bigger issues that need to be solved and how we can come together to solve them? So I think that is my favorite way of thinking about the problem.

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So as I was going through your journey, Both of us tried so many different modalities to fix ourselves. We both did therapy. We both tried breath work. We both did productivity hacks. We both did personal growth success type of strategies. But similar to you, I found that all of those were good temporarily, but that the suffering I was going through didn't end.

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So for you, and then I'll describe my own path, if all those approaches failed, what actually worked?

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Welcome to Passion Struck episode 614, the podcast that ignites change from the inside out. I'm John Miles, and I couldn't be more excited to kick things off today with some big news. We've just launched the Passion Struck clothing line, and I absolutely love how it turned out. Every piece was designed with intention, wearable, inspiring, and quietly bold.

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I just interviewed Ethan Cross and I remember when his book came out titled Chatter, and that was eyeopening to understand the science behind our inner voice as well. And the role, he has a new book out called Shift that kind of goes into the emotional ramifications of that. But as you talk about in the book, the root cause of all suffering is this belief in a negative thought.

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And this, when I was coming back from the same place as you was a massive shift for me because for so long, I too blamed my circumstances, my past, my struggles, even external expectations for my unhappiness. And I think what people don't realize is when they've reached this point of stuckness, they're thinking that there's a quick fix.

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And what I have found, I'm not sure if it's the same case as you, but there was a journey to you feeling like you were becoming invisible, like you weren't mattering. And there's a journey out of it as well, because in many ways you have to learn who you are again.

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Whether it's a hoodie that says, you matter, live like it, or a shirt that reminds you to own your own spark, this collection reflects everything we stand for here at Passion Struck. And to celebrate, we're running a giveaway.

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And I remember as I was going through this, one of the most important things that I had to realize is there was so much that had to be fixed, but I needed to fix it to find a starting point. And for me, that was getting through the stuck points from some past trauma that if I didn't deal with that past, the negative voices were never going to go away. And so when I learned

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Nir Eyal on How to Win Back Your Time and Attention | EP 586

Coming up next on PassionStruck.

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I appreciate you so much for sharing that. My brother has five kids and he has homeschooled all of them. And I know you homeschool your daughter as well. And I know for Pat, one of the things that he and his wife, Jenny, have concentrated on is how do you encourage the kids to cultivate curiosity-driven learning? as a core part of their mindset going forward.

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And I think that's what you're talking about here is that as we're approaching this world in the future, it's how do you balance that curiosity driven learning without falling into the traps of distractions that kind of want to keep you from that learning curve? Is that a good way to think about it?

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If you haven't listened yet, it's a must-hear conversation that will completely shift how you think about happiness. Then on Thursday, we explored breathwork, vulnerability, and redefining masculinity with Bryant Wood. Bryant shared his powerful journey from external validation to deep inner healing and how breathwork can be a transformative tool for emotional resilience and self-discovery.

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So technology is all around us, and there's no way that you can prevent your kids from having technology because let's face it, it's almost impossible to avoid these days.

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How do you go about teaching your daughter how to manage technology and what suggestions would you have for parents who might be listening today on how they help their kids manage their technology use in a way that promotes learning rather than distraction?

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If you've ever felt disconnected or struggled with embracing your true self, this episode is for you. Now let me ask you this. Have you ever felt like your attention is constantly being pulled in a hundred different directions, leaving you feeling scattered and unfocused? What if the key to reclaiming your focus isn't about eliminating distractions, but learning how to manage them?

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And how can we take back control of our time and attention in an increasingly noisy world? That's exactly what we're exploring today with Nir Eyal, best-selling author of Indistractable and Hooked. Nir is one of the world's leading experts in behavior design, habit formation, and the psychology of focus. His work bridges the intersection of technology, psychology, and business.

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Yeah, and I love how you tied self-determination theory into that. And I haven't had Edward Deasy on, but I have had Richard Ryan on the show. And it's amazing how much the two of them have been cited. I think they are the two most cited living scientists who are alive today.

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In the book, you describe four psychological factors, and I wanted to go through a couple of these. And one of them that you talk about is boredom. And boredom is definitely a trigger for distraction.

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But I think there's a way that we need to get more comfortable with boredom because it's something that we absolutely need for personal growth and self-examination, yet we're doing less and less of it. So how does someone get comfortable with boredom? as a means to personal growth?

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helping us understand not only how distractions work, but how we can master them. But this conversation isn't just about avoiding distractions. It's about how to harness your attention to focus on what truly matters. Whether it's your work, relationships, or personal growth, Neera will break down how to master internal triggers that lead to distraction.

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We go into the difference between traction and distraction and why understanding it is crucial. We explore how to hack back external triggers that pull us off course. And lastly, we go into practical science-backed strategies to build laser focus and reclaim your time. If you've ever felt like your days are slipping away in a blur of notifications, emails, and endless to-do lists,

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And I just wanted to give the audience that I recently interviewed someone named Carrie Leibowitz, who's a behavioral scientist who studies boredom. And she recently came out with a new book called How to Winter. And what she's really talking about here is instead of being upset that it's winter, worrying how to get through it, treat it more as a gift.

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And that this is a time that you have a season to quiet yourself down, that you can do more work for yourself, on yourself, reconnecting with others, and not treat it as a negative in your life, but using boredom as something that can fuel you through the rest of the year. So I thought I would just point that out.

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This episode will give you the tools to take back control, design a more intentional life, and become truly indistractable. For those who want to dive even deeper, check out our episode starter packs at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or Spotify. With over 580 episodes, we've curated playlists on focus, productivity, emotional intelligence, and mindset. I'll see you next time.

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Nir, another one that I wanted to talk about was negativity bias, which is something that affects me. I think it affects all of us, and we have this tendency to focus on what's going wrong over what's going well. But I never before reading your book really looked at negativity bias as something that was linked to distraction. So I was hoping you might be able to bring some clarity to that.

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And how do we counteract this to stay focused?

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Yeah, and I know from listening to you on previous episodes, you love that movie Social Dilemma because it so accurately portrays what's happening with getting all perspectives on the table. So it's a balanced view of what's happening with our distraction.

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That's something I have learned very much over my career. And as I have written books is you need people who have the counter view constantly looking at what you're creating, because if you want someone to really believe what you're writing, you need to get all perspectives on there because there are so many different ways to see an issue that you're trying to lay out.

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And the more inclusive you can be about it, the longer it's going to, as you say, weather the test of time.

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Well, since I brought up time, I want to ask you a couple of questions about this concept of time. I talk a lot about on this show values, but I say we really need to align our values with our ambitions and our long-term aspirations. In Distractible, you talk about the importance of turning your values into time.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so honored today to have Nir Eyal on PassionStruck. Welcome, Nir. Thank you so much. Great to be with you, John.

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And I thought that was really important because I think that time and energy are two of the biggest variables that we can control and your values are how you should live. So turning them into time is a really interesting way to think about this. Could you explain that a little bit more?

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Nir, you have spent your career around understanding human behavior, especially how technology shapes our actions, which is something I spent a lot of my career doing as well. What sparked your interest in studying distraction and how has that journey shaped your view on how so many people are living their lives today?

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One of the favorite sermons I ever heard a pastor do was the sermon was on the main thing about the main thing is keeping the main thing, the main thing, Stephen Covey-ish. But he spent the whole time of the sermon talking about your main thing is determined by your wallet and your calendar. And then he went into the Eisenhower matrix to explain how you need to think about that.

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So if you want stronger connections, those are the two equations that you have to look at if you want more connections.

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competence about something in your life you have to look at those equations getting back to self-determination theories that's why i wanted to hit on it the other thing i really liked was your technique of time boxing because to me a lot of people say i never have time to focus on what really matters for me

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And I thought that this technique is so important because it can be applied to relationships, personal growth, self-care. Can you explain what it is and what's the best way to get started?

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And the last thing I wanted to talk about is another concept that I have personally talked about in my solo episodes on this show, and that is this concept of transition points. You call them liminal moments. But the way I describe it is when I was in the military and I thought about when people got hurt, it wasn't when we were in the heat of a battle oftentimes.

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It was during the transition points when we were letting our guard down, when boredom set in. When we got distracted, that nefarious things would happen and we would get caught off guard. And the same thing happens in our lives. As we transition from one activity to another, those are the moments when distractions creep in because that's when we check our email.

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That's when we check our social account. That's when we get distracted with something that's taking our focus away from the main thing we need to be working on. So how, through your research, can we become more aware of these liminal moments and use them as opportunities to strengthen our focus rather than cues to engage in distractions?

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but as soon as 9 15 or whatever the next time box starts that's what i have to do next when i hear you talking about this concept to me it equates to flow state and an interesting statistic if you've never heard this before is if you can enter flow state mckenzie did this big examination of executives who use it compared to people who don't they're eight times more productive

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they can accomplish in two hours what their peers are doing in an entire day or beyond just because of using this time boxing technique.

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And Nir, last thing I wanted to ask you about is for someone who's looking to start living a more intentional life today, what's the first thing that they should do to stop being distracted and to begin focusing on what truly matters to them?

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Thank you for that. And lastly, where is the best place people can go to learn more about you?

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Nir, it was such an honor to have you today. Thank you so much coming all the way from Singapore to us today. Thank you again.

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And that's a wrap. On today's episode, what an insightful conversation with Nir Eyal. His expertise on focus, habit formation, and managing distractions is a powerful reminder that our time and attention are our most valuable assets, and learning how to master them is the key to living with greater intention.

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From understanding how internal triggers drive distraction to implementing practical strategies to reclaim control of our time, Nir has given us a blueprint for becoming truly indistractable. As we close out today's episode, I encourage you to reflect on a few key takeaways. What are the biggest internal triggers pulling you away from what truly matters?

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How can you create more traction in your daily life instead of falling into distractions? And what simple changes can you make today to reclaim control over your attention and design a more intentional life? If this conversation resonated with you, please take a moment to leave us a five-star rating and review.

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Your support helps continue bringing impactful conversations like this one to the PassionStruck community. And if someone in your life struggles with focus or feels overwhelmed by distractions, share this episode with them. It could be the game changer they need. For all the resources we discussed, including Nears books, Indistractable and Hooked, visit the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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And if you want to go even deeper, watch the video version of this episode on my John R. Miles YouTube channel, where you'll find more enticing conversations. Make sure to subscribe and join our growing community.

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If today's episode inspired you and you'd like to bring these transformative insights into your organization or team, visit JohnRMiles.com slash speaking to explore how we can work together to create meaningful change. Coming up next, I'm joined by Anne-Marie Anderson, an Emmy award-winning broadcaster, sports journalist, and leadership expert.

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Anne-Marie has spent years breaking barriers in sports media, navigating high stakes environments, and coaching top athletes and executives on leadership, resilience, and communication. In our conversation, we'll dive into the mental frameworks of high performers, the art of storytelling, and how to build confidence in any field.

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So make sure you're subscribed and get ready for another powerful and inspiring episode.

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And remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value today, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And most importantly, take what you've learned and put it into action because knowledge alone doesn't create change, but action does. Until next time, live life passion struck.

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Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

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Well, thank you for sharing that initial story. I'm not sure if you've read the most recent book by Jed Brewer, but a lot of what you were describing is what he talks about in the book and how we eat based on emotions and those emotions lead to habits. And so most of our eating dilemmas that we face is because of the habits that we form around eating, not because of the food itself.

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I mean, that's something that you've written pretty extensively about is that all motivation is ultimately driven by that desire to escape discomfort. Why is it so important to identify what we're actually trying to avoid when we engage in these distracting behaviors?

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Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome to episode 586. Whether you're a longtime listener or joining us for the first time, I am so grateful you're here. You've joined a global movement dedicated to igniting passion, living with intention, and creating a life filled with purpose and impact.

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I get a lot of questions from people who are just starting out their career, kids who are in high school saying that as they go into the world, They're a little bit lost on what they should study, where they should dedicate their efforts because they feel like so many things are changing right in front of them and that the world that we live in today is going to drastically change.

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And they're right. They are right. So if being indistractable is the key skill, what are some other skills that complement that they should be thinking about as they're looking at their future education and lives?

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Before we dive in, let's take a moment to reflect on our recent episodes. Last Tuesday, I sat down with Dr. Laurie Santos, one of the world's leading experts on happiness and well-being. She revealed the biggest misconceptions we have about joy, why our minds often mislead us, and how we can cultivate a more fulfilling life through small, intentional changes.

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I aspirations of what I would become. And my sister got it too. I think my youngest sibling got it to a much lesser extent, but I always felt like I was held to these expectations. And for me, that's what caused me to pretend in many ways. And really because I didn't fit in because I felt this enormous amount of pressure, alcohol became the thing that made me feel normal.

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As the legendary lead vocalist of Lamb of God, acclaimed writer, photographer, and author of Just Beyond the Light, making peace with the wars inside our head, Randy has lived a life defined by transformation. From overcoming addiction to confronting mortality, his story is a testament to the power of intentionality, art, and self-discovery.

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And I remember I first really discovered it when I was about 14 years old. And it was my way that, as you were saying, I felt comfortable talking to girls. I felt more comfortable being in social circles. For you, was it the same gateway?

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in today's episode we'll explore how randy confronted alcoholism and the mindset shifts that led to lasting change we go into the connection between creativity and resilience why art can be a tool for survival we discuss how iconic spaces like the hotel chelsea and the cbgb shaped his artistic journey i ask what it truly means to matter and randy explores how we can all leave a meaningful legacy we also go into his insights on an unembracing uncertainty

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I want to get into that in a little bit, but I wanted to go somewhere else first. So I told you I was a fan of your music and I thought I would tell you the path to discovering it because I told you that I was really in a new wave alternative type of music. But when I was maybe 15 and a half, I was working at a supermarket called Giant. Not sure if you have them in Virginia or not.

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Well, I am still this young kid and I've always had this strong work ethic, but I had worked my way from bagger to working a cash register, to being a produce manager. And then the store manager says, I need someone to manage the truck crew. So I'm the scrawny 15 year old kid and.

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He puts me on the truck crew and to earn any value in the truck crew, you've got to empty the whole truck by yourself, which I had to do until the next person came on. But every single other person on the truck crew was definitely over 18. Most of them were in their 20s. And every single one of them was an ex-con. And they all loved to blare Metallica, Megadeth, all these heavy metal bands.

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And that became... my introduction, not only to heavy metal, but they all came to me with a proposition when I was that age that, Hey, do you want to become popular? We've got a great way to make it happen. We can buy you alcohol and you can be the provider to all the high schools in the area. So I started a sub business off of being on this truck crew.

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That's you. That was me, man. And it forever changed my relationship with alcohol.

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But it was interesting because those guys, even though they were, I grew up in York, Pennsylvania, we had a ton of gangs and they were all part of these different gangs, but it was the first time. I just felt like I could be whoever I wanted. They didn't care. I could say whatever I wanted. I could curse.

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As you were saying, this new genre of music was bringing forth these powerful lyrics and really allowing me to vent in many ways that I hadn't seen before. So it was a really introduction. It was a real interesting introduction into me starting to get this foundation of becoming who I was meant to be, so to speak.

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So in your early years of being in the band and being out on tour, what was that like for you? I mean, is it I've talked to some people who have been in the industry who tell me it's almost like they lose track of the city that they're in. I understand you really like to get into the history of the different locations you go into, but what was it like being on tour?

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and finding clarity in the chaos of life. If you've ever felt lost, struggled to find meaning, or wondered how to turn pain into purpose, this episode is for you. Randy's journey is a reminder that intentionality isn't just about planning. It's about showing up, facing the hard things, and creating something that lasts.

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Yeah. And I want to go there in a second, but I wanted to talk to you about creativity because as I was reading the book, um, you described creative energy. Your words were lingering in places where great artists have struggled to bring their genius to life. How has this belief shaped your own process? And how do you think the art that we create can truly transcend our deaths?

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Before we dive in, let's take a moment to reflect on last week's incredible episodes. On Tuesday, Shigi Owishi... explored the science of psychological richness and why a fulfilling life isn't just about happiness and meaning. It's also about embracing challenge, novelty, and perspective-shifting experiences.

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it did and i find the same thing it's always interesting me to see the backstories of where authors write or where the beatles recorded their album or other bands like oh sure recently watching the story of flitwood mac making rumors and how that all came together

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And then how, when they did Tusk, the alcohol and drugs were tearing them apart along with all their relationship issues that they had in that band. But it's interesting to see the backstories because it's those backstories that so much influence a creative loop that you either produce shit or you produce some of the greatest things that have ever been written.

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Then on Thursday, Katherine Morgan Schaffler joined me to tackle the truth about perfectionism, breaking down how to harness it as a strength rather than as a burden. She revealed the five different types of perfectionists and how understanding each of them can transform your approach to success and self-worth.

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Yeah, where I live here in the Tampa area, we have this venue called Janice Live. I'm not sure if you've ever played there. But I happen to be talking to Stephen Jenkins from Third Eye Blind. And I asked him about some of his favorite venues he's ever played. And he mentioned this one. And if you remember it, it's got like a tree in the facility.

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And he was telling me the story of how he climbed up the tree in the early days when, and was singing from one of the tree branches during the concert with people all around him, which is a great memory.

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Absolutely. I've been known to climb things myself. I'm going to get back to CBGB with a question towards the end, but I want to go back to sobriety for a second. And you are very well read. So I'm certain that you have read a lot by Henry David Thoreau.

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Well, one of the things I've really explored is his term, quiet desperation. And this is something that I found where I was living in quiet desperation. I found myself, I was doing the same things. I was numbing the same feelings. I was hoping for change, but then never taking the steps to invoke the change. And I remember in one of these moments that I,

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I came to the conclusion that alcohol was ruining my life. And it, for me, it wasn't some dramatic rock bottom. It was, it happened to be on my birthday and it was this just quiet crushing realization that I was stuck in an endless loop.

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Each of these conversations sets the stage for today's deep dive into art resilience and personal transformation. Whether you're an artist, a leader, or someone navigating life's uncertainties, intentionality is the common thread. Do you want to go even deeper? If today's episode sparked something in you, check out our episode starter packs.

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What was that moment for you? When did you know something had to change?

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curated playlists on themes like creativity, resilience, and personal mastery. You can find them on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs. For weekly insights and strategies, sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com. Prefer watching these conversations?

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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For me, and I can totally hear what you're saying. For me, it really gave me this false sense of control in this chaotic world that we live in. And I remember my time in Australia, I had so much fun because the Australians, man, they work hard, but they party even harder.

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Head over to our YouTube channel where you can catch all our episodes and share them with those in your life who are passionate about growth. Now, get ready for a conversation that will challenge you to rethink creativity, resilience, and what it truly means to live intentionally.

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And boy, can they drink. Yeah. The only people who sometimes I think, Drink more than them are the Japanese and you don't think about it, but in their culture, they try to get you so drunk during their 10 hour long dinners. And that's when they try to go for the jugular of getting what they want out of you.

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I've been there a bunch too. Not quite as many times as I've been to Australia. I've actually been to India more than I've been to either one of those two countries.

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What I found with alcohol that was so profound is that it dulled the edges for me, but it also dulled me. How did you go from like numbing the chaos to finding meaning in it?

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And if you're a regular listener with kids in the background, this is an episode I would encourage you to listen to without them there. Let's dive in with Randy Blight. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so absolutely honored today to have Randy Bly on passion struck.

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Welcome Randy. Hi, how are you doing, man? Good to see you, John. When your publicist reached out to me, I have to say I was a little bit taken aback. I've loved your music for a long time. but really didn't know the man behind it. And I think once we see the people behind the groups we love, creators that we've seen over the years, it's really a privilege to bring those stories to light.

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Randy, thanks for sharing that. I want to talk to you for a second about fear. Yes, for me, it's the worst. Yeah, for me, fear was like a liar. It kept me stuck for years. It told me I'd never be good enough. And I think it's part of what leads people to whatever addiction they have. It could be addiction to sex, drugs, alcohol, even work, shopping, all of it.

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Do you think fear is at the heart of why so many of us feel like we don't matter? Absolutely.

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So I'm really glad we get to do this today.

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For me, images like this, and it's easy to empathize with the people who are being impacted. But earlier this year, we got hit severely by the hurricanes and I had three feet of water in my house and we lost everything. Yeah. And so it was the first time in my life that I mean, I can honestly feel what these people are going through.

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Well, you and I are about the same exact age. I grew up in Pennsylvania. just across the Mason-Dixon line in York, PA, and you grew up in Richmond, Virginia. And for me, music was always this really important aspect of my life. Now, I found myself

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I heard about an Olympics athlete who lost five of their gold medals. Tom Hanks lost his house. The Kardashians lost their house. Ben Affleck lost his house. I mean. The list goes on and on, but it just shows you how raw and real it is. And I mean, it's just crazy to think that all of a sudden you were just told you got to pick up and leave.

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I think I'm going to title this episode, how to fight the war inside. And this is really a common theme across the whole book. But when I quit drinking, I had to face who I really was. And even after quitting, I found that the mental battle, it doesn't just end. The cravings, the doubts, the old habits, they're still there.

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back then going more into bands like the smiths the cure that sort of thing you ended up yeah you ended up finding punk in your high school days yes but at the same time listening to the cure one of my favorite bands of all time have you heard their new record man i think it's one of the best ones they've ever put out and this last concert tour They're better now than they were in the mid-90s.

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Today, do you still feel like you're fighting the war inside or has the battlefield changed for you?

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You're a bookaholic.

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Well, since I brought up the Smiths at the beginning of this, I'm going to go into one of my favorite chapters, which reminds me of their song. Heaven knows I'm miserable now. And Mark Manson, Mark Manson wrote an endorsement for you in this chapter reminded me of Mark Manson's writing. You write in here. I can very easily justify with countless examples. Let's face it that people suck.

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There's just one problem, no matter how much I may feel like a space alien. And I often do like it or not. I am people. And where I wanted to go with this is I think there's so many people who feel this way and they see this world that we're living in now and that they're part of the noise, social media, the news, everything. And it makes us feel like we're spinning out of control.

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How do you find meaning and balance in all the chaos?

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I remember hearing the Cure song Push for the first time. And ever since that, it's always been one of my favorite, just that long intro into it. And I always wanted to ask him, could I use it for my podcast? Cause I love it so much.

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Randy, I love what you just said throughout the entire segment. It's really the cornerstone of this entire podcast, and it means so much that you brought it up. I know the band is really a champion of fighting cancer, and you're using your music and the memory of a fan called The Duke to champion this cause. Can you tell us a little bit more about it?

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I found it interesting as I was reading your book that we're going to talk today about, which is your new one, Just Beyond the Light, that your upbringing and mine in many ways were similar. Growing up, I always felt like I was a nerd. I was an introvert who loved books, loved diving into new ideas, was constantly asking questions. But in a way, I always felt like I didn't fit in. Yeah.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck.

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I felt like I was an outsider and that feeling like I was an outsider really impacted my confidence when I was younger. Did you ever feel any of those sensations?

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Randy, I so appreciated and was so honored to have you come on the show today. Can you tell the audience a little bit more about how they can get in touch with you?

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What a phenomenal conversation that was with Randy Blythe. What an incredible conversation that was with Randy. His journey is such a powerful testament to the idea that resilience, creativity, and intentionality can transform even the darkest moments into something meaningful.

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His reflections on overcoming addiction, embracing discomfort, and using art as a force for survival remind us that true growth comes not from avoiding life's hardships, but from leaning into them with purpose. As you reflect on today's episode, ask yourself, Where in your life are you resisting discomfort instead of using it as a fuel for growth?

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How can you channel your struggles into something creative, impactful and lasting? What legacy are you building, not just in your work, but in how you show up every day? All the links to Randy's work, including his latest book, Just Beyond the Light, can be found in the show notes at passionstruck.com. Be sure to explore his writing, photography and music.

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It's a masterclass in storytelling, artistry, and the power of transformation. And if this conversation resonated with you, I'd be incredibly grateful if you could take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review on your favorite podcast platform. It helps us continue bringing these impactful discussions to the Passion Start community.

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Even better, share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. You never know the impact it might have. Lastly, if you're looking to bring these kinds of transformative insights into your organization or team, visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking. to learn how we can work together to ignite purpose, connection, and emotional mastery where it matters most.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck, we're diving into the science of optimizing your mind and body with Dr. Scott Schur. Scott is a friend of mine, and he's a pioneer in health optimization medicine. And in our conversation, we explore cutting-edge breakthroughs in hyperbaric oxygen therapy, nootropics, as well as a much-needed deep dive into GABA, the brain's key neurotransmitter for common focus.

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If you're looking for ways to sharpen your mental clarity, boost resilience, and take your performance to the next level, you don't want to miss it.

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But the key also is to thank you for being part of the passion struck movement. Remember the fee for the show is simple. If you found value in today's conversation, share it with someone who could benefit. Most importantly, apply what you've learned so that you can live what you listen. Until next time, live life passion struck.

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welcome to episode 574 of passion strap whether you're a long time listener or tuning in for the first time i am absolutely thrilled you're here you're now part of a global movement dedicated to living with intention unlocking your potential and making what truly matters matter most. So let me ask you something.

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I really want to make today's discussion real for the listeners because I think it's a really important discussion we're going to get into. And my listeners have heard me talking a lot about the need to matter. And I think so many people today, you just look at the statistics, 64% of people feel excluded at work. 74% of people feel excluded from the communities they belong in and 20% feel like

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They don't belong in any aspect of their life. And for you, when you say you didn't feel like you belonged at that point, that you didn't matter, what did that feel like?

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Well, I hear people today describe themselves as feeling battered, broken, lonely, helpless. And I think there are all symptoms of what you, what I, and I found myself for years and years putting on a mask because I was trying to project a version of myself that I thought society had to see was.

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What if embracing discomfort, facing your fears head on, and channeling your struggles into creativity could actually transform your life? What if art isn't just a means of expression, but a lifeline? a way to forge meaning, resilience, and purpose. Today's guest, Randy Blight, is here to explore these questions and more.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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I love how you bring up the suck because that's something that's a famous slogan of the SEAL teams, embrace the suck. And I think people think about SEALs and they think they go through BUDS, Basic Underwater Demolition School, and they immediately get the Trident. And that's not the case. Typically, it takes another 18 months, two years to finally pin on the Trident.

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And I have many friends and classmates who are SEALs. And what they tell me is, Anyone can get through a day of SEAL training. What the difficulty comes is, as you're describing, is it's getting up every single day, realizing that you're going to have to endure the suck and facing it and having the willpower to get through it and persevering. And that's what shapes them.

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The same thing is what you're describing shapes any passion that you want to do. So thanks for bringing that up. And many people have misconceptions about pageants. And you have said, as I've listened to and watched in other interviews, that pageantry shares many of the same core values with the military, such as leadership, public speaking, community service.

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If you're new to the show, we've got over 540 episodes designed to inspire transformation. Not sure where to begin? Head to passionstruck.com slash starter packs or Spotify to check out our episode starter packs, which are curated by themes like leadership, mental health, and personal mastery.

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What do you think people misunderstand the most about pageants? And what surprised you when you got involved?

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Thank you for sharing that. And becoming Miss America is no small feat. And I think that there's this stereotype that people have about Miss America, that they would think that you're different from a lot of the women who compete. But as I have come to understand it, as I have been studying this more and more, the talents that the women have are incredible.

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And the questions that you guys are asked during the competition really require a deep intellect to be able to answer them. I was hoping that maybe you can talk about that experience and some of the questions that were thrown at you and some of the other women who competed.

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And if you're looking for even more tools to take these lessons deeper, sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com, where I share weekly exercises, insights, and behind-the-scenes stories to keep you inspired. Now let's take a moment to reflect on last week's conversations, which were nothing short of transformational.

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The other thing that I think was so unique about your approach to the pageant was your talent performance. You did a monologue about your first solo flight, which was really, I thought, unconventional, but very impactful. What inspired that choice and how did you prepare to deliver such a unique performance?

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First, I sat down with Jessica Zweig, bestselling author of The Light Work. Jessica shared how embracing the concept of light has empowered her personal and spiritual growth. We talked about reframing inner darkness, unlocking infinite potential, and living a more inclusive, love-filled life.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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And I've heard you talk about, people have asked you the question, how do you feel about being a boundary breaker? And you always go to all the women who preceded you and all the other leaders who preceded you to break boundaries. But what you have done is pretty remarkable to be the first active duty military officer to earn this title.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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What does it mean to break this barrier and how have those others before you inspired your journey?

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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I think that's such an important message. And I'll go back to my story about Wendy Lawrence, who became an astronaut. She was in the second class of females at the Naval Academy. I think it was the class of 81. And to put even more pressure on, her father was the superintendent during that time.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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Next, we welcome George Appling, author of Don't Settle, how to make the most of your one extraordinary life. George shared his insights on resilience, mindset, and intentional action to create a life that aligns with your deepest passions. His message on never settling is one we can all take to heart as we navigate our own paths to purpose. And if you'd prefer to watch these,

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So I can't even imagine what that would have been like, especially when he kept showing up on the hall to go visit her or would call her on the phone and they come to her room and say, The soup's on the phone for you.

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But I also interviewed Vice Admiral Sandy Stowes, who was one of the first females to graduate from the Coast Guard Academy, ended up coming back to be their superintendent. And she told me, that typically during that time, about 60% of Coast Guard graduates would make it through. But for the first classes of females, it was under 30% just because they were harassed and tried to push out so much.

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So just hearing their stories and how they had, I guess they felt that they had to be even better to make it through and to push through is just an amazing story for both of them to see where they've ended up. So one of the things that being Miss America allows you to do is to have a platform of sorts, because you're on all kinds of media programs.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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In this one year, I can't even imagine what it's been like, the whirlwind you've been through. But for you, It's allowed you to do something that's very personal and has the ability to influence people worldwide. That is to talk about the Whitney Marsh Foundation that was founded in memory of your mom, which is such a powerful and personal initiative.

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Can you tell us how that began and what you hope to achieve through its work?

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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That's such a noble mission. I have a friend, Bill, who has fought cancer now six times, and I actually had him on this program. But what he told me, I hadn't really thought about it through this lens, is that you have to look when you're fighting cancer almost as if it becomes a business, because people don't realize

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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You can also head over to our YouTube channels at John R. Miles and Passion Struck Clips and subscribe to weekly doses of video inspiration. Now let's jump in to an episode that will not only challenge your perspective, but also inspire you to rethink what's possible in your life.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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that in order to get the treatment, you need to go to the best place that they can provide it. And oftentimes, as you're saying, that's not in close proximity to you. So you have to figure out the logistics of how do you get there? How do you cover the costs? How do you get people to care for your home and potentially pets and other things while you're going there or if you have kids, et cetera?

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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So there's a real need to have cancer treatment closer to where people live because it's difficult to get that support. What are your thoughts on that?

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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People who are regular listeners to this know that my sister passed away earlier this year, also from pancreatic cancer. She first developed it when she was 46. And I remember after she had gotten the Whipple surgery and it ended up coming back, she was really put in this place after they did several rounds of chemo that she had to do clinical trials.

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And I remember she was having to do it in San Antonio, which meant that in order to do that, the logistics were twice a month. She had to find a way to get down there to San Antonio. She had a son who was in middle school. So it was very challenging. So I just look at what she went through and how important that could be.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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So because of your mom and my sister, you and I are both, we both hold pancreatic cancer awareness and research close to our hearts. And I know we both try to support PanCan as much as we can, who has made some huge strives in both increasing the awareness and prolonging the lifespan of so many people who are faced with this devastating disease. What progress do you see as being made in pancreatic

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Today, we're joined by Madison Marsh, the reigning Miss America, who is redefining what it means to lead, serve and break barriers. At just 23 years old, Madison has made history as the first active duty Air Force officer to hold the Miss America title. but her impact extends far beyond the crown.

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cancer research and treatment, and how can people support this cause?

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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the needs that we can meet in the coming years i think that's so important and i think one of the keys to pancreatic cancer is early detection because the most feasible treatment that they can give you is the whipple surgery which has had the most profound effect on people having longevity yet it's often caught so late and i'm happy to hear that there are companies like epi one

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who have now found blood work tests that people can take that will tell you if you've got the precursors for this so that you can get examined more regularly if you are one of those people who meet those criteria. And I hope so much more of that comes.

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Plus, I really hope that they find a way that they can utilize immunotherapy and find ways to penetrate the membrane of pancreatic cancer, which has been really problematic in treating it with chemotherapy, immunotherapy, and everything else. So those are some of the big things I hope to see in the future. So you have really used your platform to amplify the foundation's mission.

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What do you think has been the most rewarding moment in your advocacy journey so far?

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She's a tireless advocate for pancreatic cancer awareness and a passionate voice for breaking stereotypes about women and pageantry and the military. In this engaging and thought-provoking conversation, we cover how she's balancing dual roles.

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I had Maria Menounos on the podcast earlier this year to highlight her journey, and I'm really grateful for the work that she is also doing to try to help get the word out about this with the platform that she has. Are there additional stories from the PanCan family that you'd like to share of inspiration and to give listeners hope?

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I mean, those stories are truly inspirational and thank you for highlighting that. And I'll make sure We put all the resources to PanCan and the past interviews that I've done in here as well, because I've had Julie on the podcast and the chief science officer and some other members as well of their community. So I wanna go back to Miss America for a second.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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In our discussion, Madison discusses how she navigates the unprecedented demands of her military career while embracing the responsibilities of being Miss America. We go into pageantry with purpose. Madison's journey into pageantry as a passion project and her commitment to leaving a legacy that continues to break barriers.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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I have a classmate from the Naval Academy who ended up playing professional football for the Green Bay Packers, actually won a Super Bowl ring. And I know for him, he had a lot of trial and tribulation trying to convince the Secretary of the Navy at the time to allow him to play. It wasn't the easiest thing for him to do. I understand from following you that

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As you were pursuing this, you were very open with the Air Force about the fact that you were doing the pageant. You went to your commanding officer and leadership chain and kind of said, the chances of me becoming Miss America are very slim, one out of 52, but you wanted to prepare for it, et cetera. So how has the Air Force supported your role as Miss America?

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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We discuss how she's reframing Miss America, debunking misconceptions about the competition, and showcasing the intelligence, leadership, and talent that define modern Miss America contestants.

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It's got to be a lot doing this and being in the military full time. How do you balance doing both and how do you put 100% into being able to do both?

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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We go through her dedication to a life of service, Madison's personal connection to military service, her pride in safeguarding freedoms, and her mission to inspire the next generation by showing them what's possible.

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I think that's such an important message, whether you're in the military or you're a leader overseeing people in a civilian role. It's showing up for the people around you. And I think that's one of the reasons we have so much disengagement today is because people don't feel like they hold significance in their roles.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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They don't feel like the companies treat them as if they matter and that what they're doing is important. that being reinforced and people being treated for their individual talents. So I think you're really onto something there with what you were just talking about.

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I looking back when you first won this award, you knew if you were going to win it, that you were going to be thrust into the limelight, you were going to have to be on all these TV programs, etc. But once you went from imagining it to actually doing it, how big a chasm did that turn out to be?

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then lastly we go into advocating for change her work as the founder of the whitney marsh foundation where she's dedicated to raising awareness for pancreatic cancer and how she's turning a personal tragedy into a platform for hope and action madison's story is a powerful testament to living with purpose the courage to challenge societal norms and the resilience to turn life's greatest challenges into opportunities for growth

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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I used to go to church in Austin, Texas with Matthew McConaughey. And for about 18 months, he got to come religiously and be himself with his kids and his wife. And it was fantastic because he was just He just wanted to go to church. He just wanted to have a place where he could be himself, I felt, by observing him.

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And then all of a sudden, I guess some people put up social media posts that they had seen him there. And so the paparazzi started showing up and I really felt bad for him. And being in this role, it's gotta give you some understanding of what it's like to be a celebrity and the challenges that they face.

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What's one thing that you would say to listeners about when someone's in that position, a lot of people say, Matthew, he's this movie star, he deserves this scrutiny that he gets and he shouldn't have a public life.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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Whether you're intrigued by the behind the scenes realities of balancing two high profile careers, inspired to use your platform for advocacy, or simply looking for actionable ways to live more intentionally, this episode is for you. So get ready to go beyond the crown and into the heart of service, impact, and legacy with Madison Marsh, Miss America.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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As the face of the Air Force, which you've become, probably not even wanting to be that, but it's literally what you've become, and Miss America, how do you see your role in inspiring the next generation to consider military service? And what message do you hope to share with potential recruits about the opportunities and values in the Air Force, but in all the services?

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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Thank you so much for that. And I completely agree with you. We need leaders of character protecting our freedom. So we started this whole episode talking about outer space and your desire to become an astronaut. And I want to use that to lead into a quote that I've heard you talk about. You said the sky is not the limit and the only person stopping you is you.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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How has this philosophy guided you through the challenges you faced and how do you hope to inspire others to embrace the mindset in their own lives?

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so honored today to have Madison Marsh, Miss America, on the podcast. Welcome, Madison.

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oftentimes what gets to become the barrier for people pursuing their dreams or not is self-belief. What would be your advice to listeners and viewers on how you would suggest they build that self-belief that they can do anything they put their mind to?

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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Okay. And the last thing I just want to ask you and leave with is your mom. What's a little thing that she did that stayed with you forever?

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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Well, I think Webster should put in under psychological wealth what you just talked about because that's really what it is. Well, Madison, thank you so much for being here and congratulations again. And I know you're probably happy and sad to see this phase of your life come to a close, but I'm sure you're exhausted at this point. Thank you again for coming on the show.

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So for my regular listeners of Passion Struck, they know I went to the Naval Academy and I always like to get the background paths to those who end up going and serving. I understand you grew up in Arkansas and you dreamed of becoming an astronaut, which I love this because one of my classmates, Chris Cassidy, was the chief astronaut. Love Chris.

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It was really an honor to have you.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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What an inspiring conversation with Madison Marsh. Her story of breaking barriers as the first active duty Air Force officer crowned Miss America, her relentless advocacy for pancreatic cancer awareness, and her ability to balance service, leadership, and purpose is nothing short of extraordinary.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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Madison's journey reminds us of the power of resilience, intentionality, and using our passions to make a difference in the lives of others. As you reflect on today's episode, think about this. What legacy do you want to leave? How can you take your passions and transform them into a purpose that not only fulfills you, but also serves others?

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Like Madison demonstrated, our challenges don't define us. They shape the mission we're called to fulfill. All the links to Madison's work, including the Whitney Marsh Foundation and her advocacy for pancreatic cancer awareness, will be in the show notes at passionstruck.com. Please use those links to learn more. It's a great way to support her mission. and the show.

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You can also find this episode and more on YouTube and check out our sponsors and exclusive deals at passionstruck.com slash deals. Supporting those who support the show helps us keep bringing you these impactful conversations.

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For more resources to help you live a purpose-driven life, head over to passionstruck.com where you can take our Passion Struck quiz or sign up for the Live Intentionally newsletter packed with weekly insights, exercises, and challenges to ignite your potential. If Madison's story resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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It makes a huge difference in helping us reach others with these powerful stories. And don't forget to share this episode with someone who could use a dose of inspiration and encouragement today. Now, here's a sneak peek of what's coming up next on Passion Struck. I'm joined by Caroline Adams Miller.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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a trailblazing expert in the field of positive psychology and goal setting, and author of Big Goals, The Science of Setting Them, Achieving Them, and Creating Your Best Life. And our conversation will dive into the science of achieving big goals, cultivating grit, and finding lasting happiness.

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Caroline's practical insights and actionable strategies will help you push past mediocrity and unlock your best life.

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Thank you for spending time with us today. Remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who needs to hear it. Let's keep building this community and living what we listen. Until next time, live life, passion strong.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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What sparked your fascination with space and how did those early ambitions shape your path to going to the Air Force Academy?

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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When I was a mid, my physics instructor was Wendy Lawrence. Wendy became the first Naval Academy female alumni to go to space. And she's been my mentor now ever since, so 30 plus years. But I remember talking to her and she told me very similarly that she saw this path to the Naval Academy, then becoming a pilot. doing all the things that she needed to become an astronaut, which she did.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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So you end up going to the Air Force Academy, and this is right after your mom, who we're gonna talk a lot about today, had a very heroic battle with pancreatic cancer. How did her passing in 2018 impact your journey and your aspirations at that point?

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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The academies are all known for being rigorous. And I remember my plea beer and the stresses that were thrown upon me. I can't imagine having to navigate that environment while still grieving the loss of a parent. How difficult was that for you during those, when you were first at the academy?

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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I have written a book called Passion Struck and in it, I describe my experience at the Naval Academy and the importance that grit had, the combination of perseverance and passion and helping me get through. How did your early struggles at the Academy help you develop grit and helped you become who you are today?

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey, PassionStruck fam. Welcome to episode 547 of the PassionStruck podcast.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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And I think the Air Force Academy is similar to the Naval Academy in that you're judged on your academics, of course, but you're also judged on your military bearing. And then there's always a physical component to it as well. So what people don't understand about the grading system is it's much more complex.

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Madison Marsh on Courage, Confidence, and Compassion

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When I was there, our grades compared to people at civilian schools were much lower because of the different elements of it. Um, but it is definitely a challenging time. And there are often aspects of it where you're trying to seek out fun because you have so much stress on you that you're looking for an escape.

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For me, I kind of did that because I was a division one runner, but even with that, that brings on even more stress. And as I've done research on you, your interest in pageantry came during this challenging time as an outlet for fun and personal growth. Is that correct?

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So how did you end up doing that? Because looking back, I just can't imagine doing everything that we had to do and then layering another challenge on top of it where you would have to prep and do all the things that you do. So how did you go about that?

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My plebe year roommate, and we were company mates the entire time I was there, was a Rhodes Scholar. And I know just how rigorous it was for him to go through that process. So congratulations for you for doing that. This whole podcast is really about. how intentional choices shape who we become. And you're just removed from the Air Force Academy.

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And right now, all the services are having issues with recruitment. And the same thing goes with the service academies. The number of people who are applying in some ways is down from what it used to be. What made you have the intentional choices to pursue these passions

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And how would you recommend young listeners who might be tuning in today could make the decision to pursue something hard like going to the Air Force Academy or like trying out for a pageantry? Because I think oftentimes we end up taking the easier path.

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I'm your host, John Miles, and as always, I want to begin by thanking you for being here and for your commitment to living more intentionally and passionately. Whether you've been with us from the start or tuning in for the first time, you're part of an incredible community focused on growth, purpose, and igniting passion in every area of life.

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Isabelle Hof and Laura Hof on the Secrets of the Icewomen | EP 598

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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I have to tell you this story. When I was growing up, I had a crazy Uncle Jerry. who didn't have kids, but he was that uncle who would just let you do anything. When I was two years old, he took me to my first concert, which was seeing Led Zeppelin, never told my parents, blah, blah, blah, blah.

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My aunt, who I love dearly, was more of the intense boundaries of, I got to be careful with what I'm going to do with them or his parents are going to kill me type of thing. And Jerry just didn't care. He's like, we're going to go out and have fun.

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Isabelle Hof and Laura Hof on the Secrets of the Icewomen | EP 598

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

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Isabelle Hof and Laura Hof on the Secrets of the Icewomen | EP 598

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Definitely an early test of your courage for sure.

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Isabelle Hof and Laura Hof on the Secrets of the Icewomen | EP 598

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now let's go out there and become passion struck hey passion struck fam welcome to episode 598 whether you're new to the show or have been on this journey with us for a while thank you passion struck isn't just a podcast it's a movement one rooted in helping you live intentionally unlock your full potential and build a life of deep meaning now let me ask you what if the cold wasn't your enemy but your greatest teacher

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So we have the same issue over here in the United States. I think it's something that is plaguing many cultures. And in fact, I have recently written a children's book. It hasn't been released yet. By the time it gets released, it's for four to eight-year-olds. It might come out by the time Isabelle, your son becomes forward knowing how long these books to come out.

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But in the book, I actually threw a challenge in to the child's life just to show this whole concept of resilience and that we're all going to have suffering. We're all going to have struggles in life. And one of the reasons when I parented

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I tried to be more of the parent who let the kids have freedom is because I think the earlier you make mistakes in life, the better, because who wants to start making mistakes for the first time when you're an adult? then the gravity of your decisions becomes far greater. And the learning that you have to get could be so much more severe.

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So if kids are going to make choices to make bad decisions, I'd rather have them do it earlier, learn from those mistakes. So they build a foundation of making smarter choices that end up leading them over life to having a more resilient life and a more compassionate and kind one.

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Isabelle Hof and Laura Hof on the Secrets of the Icewomen | EP 598

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What if true strength came from not pushing through, but from learning how to pause, breathe, and listen? That's exactly what today's guests, Isabel and Laura Hoff, are here to share. As daughters of the legendary Wim Hof, known globally as the Iceman, Isabel and Laura are not just continuing their father's legacy, they're rewriting it through a deeply female lens.

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I wanted to just hit on a couple of things here. So you talked about epigenetics and the epigenome. If you are a viewer or a listener of this and you want to learn more, I did four great interviews on this with Dr. Lucina Aronica, C. McDermott, Kara Fitzgerald, and Dr. Mark Hyman.

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And I also wanted to say something, Laura, about what you said earlier about using your innate skills to serve the world. And I had this guest on the show, Andreas Widmer, who's Swiss, and he ended up becoming a Swiss guard, really had no idea what he wanted to do with his life.

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And the tie-in here is he told me this story that he was one of the main guards for Pope John Paul II, and the Pope, sensing that he was a little bit lost in his life, started mentoring him. And he told him what you just told the audience, that the whole secret to life

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is really understanding what your gift is, honing that gift, and then finding a problem in the world that needs addressing and using that gift to serve others, to serve humanity. So I thought I would just tie those things in. And I wanted to make a bridge here because the whole reason you're on this show is to talk about your brand new book, Secrets of the Ice Woman.

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In their new book, Secrets of the Ice Women, they explore how breathwork, cold exposure, Thank you so much for having me. We go into the real science behind cold exposure and inflammation. We discuss what it means to regulate your nervous system and become your own healer and why strength doesn't have to look loud to be life-changing.

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And I think a great tie in here is we've talked a lot about your father. We've talked about now. You, Isabel, being a new mother and Laura, you being a new aunt, but this book wouldn't have been possible had it not been for your mom. And because of that loss, the role that your father ended up playing in your life. Could you just talk a little bit about that?

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Because you dedicate the book to your mom and obviously she was important to you, but your father wouldn't have taken on the role that he did had she not passed away.

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I have a very candid discussion with Isabel and Laura on their upbringing, the lessons learned from their father and how they've applied these teachings in their own lives, especially in the context of raising children and navigating personal hardships. This message is so much more than cold therapy. It's about reclaiming our inner stillness in a world that won't stop moving.

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And before we dive in, a quick highlight from last week. On Tuesday, I spoke with Humble the Poet about his new book, Unanxious, and how overachievers can break free from the stress spiral to reclaim calm. On Thursday, I interviewed Dr. Emily Falk, on the neuroscience of value, identity, and why some ideas stick while others fall flat.

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And on Friday, Dr. Gordon Flett joined me to discuss the hidden epidemic of not feeling like we matter and how we can start to change that narrative from the inside out. If any of those episodes resonated with you, or if you're new and wondering where to start, check out our curated episode starter packs on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs.

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I was going to say, I have a great book for you. A friend of mine, Emma Sapella, who's a professor at Yale University, wrote a book called Sovereign last year, and it ties into exactly what you're saying. She's herself a Buddhist and does a lot of work on breath work and how all these modalities lead to happiness and feeling more significant in life.

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Well, I wanted to go a little bit into the Wim Hof method for those who might be listening and don't know the keys of the modality. But I wanted to do this through an angle you bring up in the book. You talk about Dr. Marion Hopman at the beginning of the book, who's a professor of physiology studying chronic disease and their underlying mechanisms. And she did this really interesting study

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in 2010 where she gave 112 people e coli bacteria an injection of it to try to see the inflammatory response and when your father was given it he reacted quite differently from the rest of the participants he didn't show fever or fatigue in fact even after a week He was showing strong, high concentrations of white blood cells, much higher than the other participants.

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And it really laid the foundation of studying his method that you write about in the book. And if you could break it down, do all components of the method need to be done together? Or is there value in also using them broken apart as well?

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And I have big news coming later this week. So keep an eye on your inbox in the podcast feed for an exciting passion struck announcement. And if you're based in Tampa, I'll be doing a live in-person interview with the one and only Gretchen Rubin this Thursday, April 17th at the beautiful Oxford Exchange to celebrate her newest book, The Secrets of Adulthood. There are still a few tickets left.

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So if you want to be part of this special evening, now's your chance. Details at OxfordExchange.com or our show notes. Now let's get into today's episode with the inspiring Isabel and Laura Hoff. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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One thing I wanted to get into was stress response. And something that really piqued my eye as I was reading the book is back in 2016, 17 timeframe, I had a real major incident happen when I walked into my house and and encountered a burglar pointing a gun at me.

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And I found this research in your book pretty interesting that although that event was horrible, it doesn't have the same impact that the tiny stress responses that impact us every single day have.

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And it was interesting in the book that you put out that the vast majority of people, when they're going into a doctor's office, are going there not necessarily because of a physical ailment, but because of a stress response. And I think this is a really important thing to talk about because stress is causing so many things to go wrong with us globally.

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And it's affecting our health in so many ways, physical health, emotional health, mental health. How does this method help that stress response?

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I am so excited today to have Isabel and Laura Hoff on the Passion Stark podcast. Welcome to both of you.

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I feel really fortunate this week. I have had someone call into the show from Singapore and now you're calling in from Netherlands. And I feel like I needed a couple more continents this week to come in.

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Yeah, I had North America, so I'm missing South America and I'm missing Africa.

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And Oceana, yes.

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Europe. If we have time for it, I'll tell you my first story about the first time I went to Amsterdam. But I want to open up with a question that I love to use. We all end up having defining moments that shape us into the people we become. What was a defining moment for you?

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Well, I love all that explanation. The last area I wanted to spend a little bit of time on is we started this whole conversation about purpose and talking about your dad and some of the feats he did and how his method led him to become passion struck, given the title of the show and the sense of agency and empowerment that he has.

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A lot of what I've been talking about lately is I think there are a lot of people out there who keep going through the motions and they don't feel that their actions and their lives matter, that people really see them. How does the Wim Hof Method help people reconnect with their sense of self-worth and empower them to feel that agency, to feel that sense that they belong in the world?

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What you both said was beautiful. And thank you so much, because I think it's exactly what the audience needed to hear. I wanted to end today on... This book was really written in many ways to create an ICE woman community. How do you envision this movement evolving to further support and empower women globally?

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And where can listeners learn more about the movement and how they can become part of it?

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Well, thank you so much for coming on the show. It was such an honor to have you. And to answer your question, Isabel, I've been doing breathwork since I was in my early 20s. I first discovered it when I was working with Navy SEALs. And we used it to help regulate our bodies so that when we were in stressful situations, we knew how to calm ourselves. That's when the whole journey started for me.

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And yoga has been a practice that I've done for decades.

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That's awesome. Well, thank you again for coming on the show.

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And that's a wrap on today's conversation with Isabel and Laura Hoff. And what a powerful one it was. One of my biggest takeaways, that healing doesn't always happen in warmth and ease. Sometimes it takes cold. It takes discomfort. It takes learning to breathe in the storm rather than waiting for it to pass.

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Whether you're navigating burnout, emotional pain, or simply seeking more clarity in your life, Isabel and Laura's story shows us that resilience is something we can cultivate breath by breath, moment by moment. So here are a few reflection questions to sit with this week. What discomfort are you currently avoiding? that might actually be calling you towards growth.

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Where can you slow down and breathe, especially when life feels so overwhelming? And what might happen if you give yourself full permission to reclaim your power, your softness, and your stillness? If this conversation sparked something in you, I encourage you to check out their book, Secrets of the Ice Women, links in the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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And before we go, make sure you're subscribed because this Thursday, I'm sitting down with Dr. Stephen Gundry, world-renowned cardiologist and best-selling author of The Platt Paradox and Gut Check. We're diving deep into the science of gut health, longevity, and the everyday foods that may be silently sabotaging your energy, immune system, and cognitive clarity.

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If you care about living longer, feeling better, and thinking sharper, you don't want to miss this one. And don't forget, if you're in Tampa, I'll be interviewing Gretchen Rubin live this Thursday evening at the Oxford Exchange. There are just a few tickets left for what promises to be a rich and inspiring conversation around her newest book, The Secrets of Adulthood.

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Thank you for being part of this community, for showing up to do the work and for choosing to live intentionally. If you found today's episode meaningful, please share it with someone who you care about and leave a five-star review. It helps us reach more hearts and minds like yours. Until next time, stay strong, stay curious and stay passion struck.

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It is beautiful. And I will tell you, being a father of a 21 year old daughter and a 26 year old son, that you'll find over the course of their lives that you're going to have to continue redefining yourself and reinventing themselves.

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Oh my gosh. No.

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The growth just changes, right? I'm still growing.

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I love hearing how you guys describe your dad as someone who was a child as you were growing up. I think I heard you describe him as the fifth child in the family.

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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I think that was a beautiful answer. And Isabel, I think she's putting you up to the challenge of are you going to be a helicopter parent or are you going to be more of a hands-off parent?

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Before diving in to today's episode, let's take a moment to reflect on the game-changing insights from last week. On Tuesday, Max Lugavere shared his powerful journey from personal tragedy to becoming a leading voice in brain health and nutrition. We explored actionable steps for cognitive well-being and how the choices we make today shape our brain health tomorrow.

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On Thursday, I sat down with Esther Dyson to discuss how technology is shaping human connection and how we can reclaim our humanity in an increasingly digital world. Esther's perspective on systems change and fostering meaningful relationships in the digital age was truly transformative.

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And what you just said is really profound. So thank you for going there because my questions are not typically softballs. They're meant to invoke taking you to places you might not have gone on other podcasts.

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Part of where I'm going with this, and I'll just give you some more context, is we need resilience now more than perhaps ever that I've seen in my lifespan. However, I am really coming to the belief that we have some forces at play. One is what I refer to as the disease of disconnection. We are so focused outside ourselves that we're losing touch with our very selves.

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And then what this is causing, I believe, which is leading to this feeling of isolation, of loneliness, these chronic things that we're seeing is a chronic state of people around the world feeling unmattering. They're losing their significance. And because they're so disconnected with themselves, that gap of disconnection is only growing.

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And then in my solo episode, I explored how a sense of hope helps us feel like we matter to ourselves, to others, and to the world. If you're looking to build on these insights, our episode starter packs are here to guide you.

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And where I'm going to take this is because I think it's a real huge issue and it's part of where I am really trying to step in because I think so many people are hurting and they're really stuck here and it's only getting worse. You started your mindfulness practices in 1974-ish, if I have my research correct. I started it in the weirdest of places, I think.

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I was in the military stationed in Rota, Spain, and I got assigned to Naval Special Warfare Unit 10, which is a SEAL base in Rota that is more of a training command, but I was starting a new echelon there for the National Security Agency. Long story short is it was the least place, I thought I was going to start getting involved in yoga and mindfulness practices.

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But it was really interesting because the seals really used it to gain a better sense of purpose and belonging and as well as to have clarity over their mission and their intentions.

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So how do you see this understanding that we gain from mindfulness support our deeper sense of purpose and belonging?

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With over 550 episodes, we've curated playlists on topics like personal growth, mental and emotional well-being, relationships, connection, behavioral science and psychology, and living with significance.

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you can find them on spotify or at passionstruck.com starter packs don't forget to subscribe to my live intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com for weekly inspiration exclusive tools and strategies to put these lessons into practice and if you prefer video all our episodes are available on our youtube channels so be sure to subscribe and share let's talk about today's interview imagine waking up each day with a deep sense of calm knowing that no matter what challenges come your way you have the strength to navigate them

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What you were just saying in some ways reminded me of some of the work by Richard Ryan and Edward Deasy on self-determination theory. Exactly. Competence and relatedness drive so much of our intrinsic values, which we're going to be exploring here a little bit more. Rick, I want to go back to negativity bias since it's something that you brought up.

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Wasn't really going to go down here, but let's tackle this because I think it's important. The brain's negativity bias often keeps us stuck, as we know, in patterns of fear, stress or self-doubt, even when we know intellectually that focusing on the positive can and should transform our mindset. So I've been working on this article between how do you bridge the gap between theory and action?

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So I'm gonna ask it to you in this way. What do you suggest for listeners on how they can bridge the gap between understanding the concept of negativity bias?

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Imagine relationships that don't just exist, but truly thrive, where every connection feels purposeful, authentic, and rooted in mutual care. In a world that often leaves us feeling fragmented, rushed, and unseen, these aren't just lofty ideals, they're necessities for a fulfilling life.

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So thank you for bringing him up.

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But how do we reclaim this sense of resilience and connection when everything around us seems designed to pull us apart? How do we rise above the noise to build lives of purpose, presence, and belonging? Enter Dr. Rick Hansen, a visionary in the science of resilience and happiness.

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Dr. Hansen is a psychologist, senior fellow at UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, and a New York Times bestselling author of seven books, including Making Great Relationships, Resilient, and Hardwiring Happiness.

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Thank you for sharing that. That practice of taking in the good is such a profound way to rewire the brain, especially in moments when negativity feels overwhelming. And when I've gotten this same question sent to me, like, how do you advise people get over this bias? People often build a bucket list.

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And one of the things I tell people to do instead is to have a reverse bucket list and to post it on a wall by them. And what I mean by reverse bucket list is write down all the accomplishments that you've made in your life that when you look back, you would have felt it would have been almost impossible for you to do them or just a pipe dream and refer back to that when you feel

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With over a million copies sold in English alone, his work has been translated into 33 languages and has helped countless people create lasting inner strength and deeper connections. Through decades of research, contemplative practice, and helping millions worldwide, Rick has uncovered the profound interplay between our brains, our emotions, and our relationships.

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these biases, this negativity coming into you, because that is a great way of visually taking in the good and giving yourself a reminder of how much you've already accomplished.

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His work answers some of the most pressing questions of our time. How can we train our brains to focus on joy even in the face of adversity? What practical steps can we take to transform disconnection into belonging? How do we build relationships that nurture not only others, but also ourselves?

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I really like that you brought it up because I don't like to just give the listeners theory. I like to give them practical application, which is what you just went into. Yeah. So I want to read something from your book because I've brought up helplessness a couple of times and you had a beautiful thing that you wrote. Agency is the opposite of helplessness.

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You go into research by Marty Seligman and others have shown us that we're very susceptible to acquiring learned helplessness through experience of powerlessness and mobilization and defeat. And then you go into It typically takes many experiences of agency to compensate for a single experience of helplessness, which again goes into this negativity bias that we've been talking about.

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To prevent helplessness, you write, the first thing to do is to gradually unlearn it. And you really go into this power of choice, which I talk about. Look for experiences in which you are making a choice or influencing an outcome. And I often say our choices

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don't look at the big choices we make, look at the micro choices because they either lead you to a valley of despair or a waterfall of fulfillment. What are some of the choices that people may be making that they should be considering looking at it from a different approach. Meaning I think we get so caught up in either or thinking.

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In today's conversation, Rick unpacks these questions and offers actionable insights drawn from neuroscience and ancient wisdom. Whether you're grappling with stress, seeking deeper relationships, or simply yearning for more meaning in your life, This episode will provide a roadmap to not just survive, but to truly thrive.

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And one of the things I really talk about is some of the work of Wendy Smith and Marianne Lewis and both and thinking, which is really an Eastern world concept. But I don't know if you want to go there or maybe just talk about choices, but I really enjoyed this portion of the book.

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Together, we'll explore how to fortify your inner core, reshape your habits, and cultivate a life where resilience, connection, and joy are not just fleeting, but foundational. His work has inspired people worldwide, and today, I'm excited to bring his wisdom to the PassionStruck community.

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Well, thank you for sharing that. And I feel like I could talk to you for four hours because we're barely doing justice to your book. And I think it's a good thing because your books are really so deep. And I think that's why they've been popular with so many millions of people. And I highly encourage the audience to go out there and pick up a copy of Resilience.

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So I want to move on now to outer connection. So once we've developed resilience and inner strength, how do these qualities influence our ability to create meaningful relationships?

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. Hey, PassionStruck family. I am absolutely thrilled today to bring you Dr. Rick Hansen. Rick, welcome to the PassionStruck podcast.

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There's a Buddhist term called Karuna or compassion, and it teaches us to act with empathy. How do you believe that cultivating compassion in our relationships reflects the idea that everyone inherently matters?

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How does cultivating compassion in our relationships reflect the idea that everyone inherently matters? Because you were talking really, really strongly about the need to matter to ourselves. I believe that we need to matter to others, but then we also need to make others feel like they matter. And to me, those are the three concentric circles of mattering.

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Mattering to ourselves, mattering to our others, and making others feel like they matter.

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Well, thank you. And one of the ways I initially discovered you was through your book on happiness. And as I was doing research, I actually went back and listened to an episode of School of Greatness you were on. a number of years ago. And I went back to that because I really liked the way that Lewis did that interview with you.

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You know?

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But it was really nostalgic for me because as I was thinking about doing my own podcast, yours was one of those episodes as I was studying how to conduct a podcast that I originally listened to. So it was fun to go back and hear it.

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Well, I'm trying to do my small part because my tagline is just as Disney, their goal is to create the happiest place on earth. I'm trying to create the most intentional place on earth because I think the more intentional we are,

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globally about the choices that we're making to, and how we're showing up, not only for ourselves, but how we're showing up more fully and authentically in our relationships is going to influence how the whole world is changing and kind of closing this inner and outer growth that we've been exploring on this whole podcast.

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Well, just think about it from a different context. Imagine your role in a company is in sales and you might be saying, what the heck does mattering have to do with sales? Well, isn't the key to selling something to someone else, making them feel that they inherently matter?

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Correct. So there you go.

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It was a great discussion. And during part of it, Lewis just makes this comment that your voice was so soothing to him that he felt himself almost going in a mindful state. And that's where I was this morning at 5.30 on my walk. And as I'm listening to this, I look up in the sky and all of a sudden it just... brightens up and I could see a SpaceX launch in the distance from where I am in Tampa.

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I'm going to have to look more into that. Maybe I'll even do an episode on it so I can do the research to understand it better.

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Well, Rick, I'm going to wrap it up your work. is such a gift to those seeking transformation. And it's been so profound for so many. We've touched on just the tip of the iceberg today, but if there's one takeaway you hope listeners gain from today's conversation, what would it be?

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Well, I love ending there. And Burke, there are lots of places where people can buy your books. I'll put a bunch of them in the show notes. What are some other things that you would like to highlight? You've got a great podcast, over 15 million downloads yourself on the podcast. What are some other things?

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Well, maybe the best thing is where's the best place for people to go if they want to learn more about you and everything that you're doing?

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And so it was really cool listening and seeing the spaceship going up. So that's a nice moment.

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Yeah. And the last thing I'll say is if anyone in the audience ever has an opportunity to see Rick do a keynote speech, they're phenomenal. And he shares the stage with people like Sharon Salzberg and Deepak Chopra and others, and really meaningful. So I would also encourage you if you get the opportunity to go see him speak live. Well, Rick, thank you so much for being on the show.

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It was such an honor to have you.

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what an incredible conversation that was with dr rick hansen from his groundbreaking insights on resilience and mindfulness to his practical strategies for rewiring your brain for happiness today's discussion has been an absolute master class in creating a more intentional connected and fulfilling life dr hansen's wisdom on building an unshakable inner core and fostering meaningful relationships reminds us that transformation starts with small purposeful actions

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Whether it's practicing gratitude, setting healthy boundaries, or reframing challenges as opportunities for growth, his tools provide a powerful roadmap to strengthen your mindset, deepen your connections, and bring more joy into your life. As we close, I encourage you to reflect on the insights shared today and consider how you can apply them in your own journey.

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Well, I'm going to tie this in, I promise, because I know you love nature. And one of the things I found in my research is you specifically love mountain climbing. And it's something that I haven't done that much of, but when I have done it, I've really loved it as well. How for you have those experiences in nature and mountain climbing shaped your understanding of mindfulness and resilience?

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Remember, change begins with intention, and every small step you take can lead to profound shifts in your life. If this episode resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a 5-star rating and review. Your feedback not only helps us reach more listeners, but also keeps the Passion Struck movement growing.

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And don't forget to share this episode with someone who could benefit, because sparking change in others is how we amplify impact together. You can find links to Dr. Hansen's transformative books like Resilient, Making Great Relationships, and Hardwiring Happiness, along with all the resources discussed in today's episode in the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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And if you'd like to watch this conversation, the video version is available on my YouTube channel. Before we go, I want to remind you that I'm dedicated to sharing these ideas through speaking engagements with organizations and teams.

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If today's conversation inspired you and you'd like to explore how these concepts can drive intentional change in your workplace or organization, visit JohnRMiles.com slash speaking to learn more. Let's ignite transformation together. Now, here's a sneak peek at what's coming up next on PassionStruck.

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I'm joined by the brilliant Adam Galinsky, a world-renowned expert on leadership, decision-making, and creativity. We'll be diving in to how to expand your influence, make bolder decisions, and tap into your full potential. You won't want to miss it.

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As always, the fee for this show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who could benefit. And remember, apply what you hear so that you can live what you listen. Until next time, live life passion-struck.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, Passion Strike fam. Welcome back to episode 559.

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Absolutely do. And here in Florida, where I live, the closest thing we have to it is an indoor rock climbing center. But my parents have lived in Chattanooga on Signal Mountain or Walden's Ridge, Signal Mountain is a town on it, for over 30 years. And there's some great rock climbing there. Yeah. But I remember being a younger man and I love that movie.

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Not sure if you remember it by Robert Redford called A River Runs Through It. It was one of Brad Pitt's first movies. And I got to, shortly after I saw the movie, I actually got to go to, I actually got to go to Montana for the first time. And there is something, as you're talking about the vastness of

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at that point in Montana's history, just how vast it felt when you were in the rivers or looking at the mountains there and really a deep down connection as you're looking at that to one, how small we are in the big scheme of things, but also how central we are to it as well.

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I am really glad you brought up Dacher because I really love his work on moral beauty. And I wanted to give a highlight to Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center because I'm not sure how many of the listeners know about it, but in it, they're really exploring the science of how do you create a meaningful life?

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And you're looking at things like altruism, happiness, which Dacher studies, compassion, intellectual humility, social connection, empathy. How has being part of that center shaped your own work?

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Well, thank you very much for touching on that. I'll make sure I put a link to it as well in our show notes so listeners can tune in and understand some of the great research that's going on there. Well, Rick, today I'm really excited about where we're going to take this interview.

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We'll be having a conversation about how resilience and relationships are interconnected, highlighting how our intentional choices, which is what this podcast is really about, in our inner lives, explored through your book, Resilient, directly affect our ability to foster meaningful connections in our outer world, where we're going to deep dive into your book. making great relationships.

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Your dedication to living intentionally to leave a mark that truly matters makes this community so incredible. And I'm grateful for each and every one of you. If you're joining us for the first time, welcome. You're now part of a global movement committed to igniting purpose and creating lives filled with meaning and connection.

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So I'm going to start with resilient. In this book, you start with recognizing strengths like mindfulness and compassion. How do those practices help individuals reconnect with their true selves and overcome many of the feelings that we're experiencing today, like isolation, loneliness, people who are feeling helpless?

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Well, and what you're describing, whether it's self-efficacy, Albert Bandura, or you talk about in the book, Learn Helplessness, which goes all the way back to Marty Seligman's early work. You have all these people who are touching around the peripheral of this issue. And I think what your work, my work is trying to do is we're trying to show how all of this interconnects.

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These aren't separate, distinct theories. They're all pulling towards this mattering deficit, as you've correctly put it. And this is why I love that a major component of your book is this whole idea that You can't have a healthy organization if you have unhealthy people. And one of the people who endorsed your book is Claude Silver, who's been on the show.

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And what I love about Claude in this example is Gary V, who she works for, understood this very well. And that's why he made her the first chief heart officer, because he didn't want to look at the position as your typical CHRO, Chief Human Resources Officer, he really wanted someone who was looking at the pulse of the people.

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Each new member this month will be entered into a drawing to win a PassionStruck t-shirt and hat from the new collection. To enter, just visit the show notes and join the Ignition Room. It's completely free.

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And if you're looking at the pulse of the people, it's not just about them in the work environment. You got to see all of them. And I think that's something that a lot of companies get wrong is they don't, they only tend, I ran into this myself. You tend to see Mike, the person you work with only for the role that they're in.

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You don't see all the work that they did before that, all the jobs and experiences that they had before that, because most people don't even go to that level to understand them. But then you don't even understand them.

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Like the conversation you and I had that they might be coaching a soccer team, they might be coaching a hockey team, they might have kids, they might be very involved with their church, they might have this or that going on. And so we don't take that whole communal aspect of them seriously. And so what ends up happening is we treat them more as numbers than we do human beings.

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today's conversation is part of an ongoing series exploring a fundamental truth mental well-being is not a side note it's the infrastructure of a purposeful life and all month long we've been diving deep into mental health awareness month and not just to raise awareness but to shift the conversation from crisis to capacity Because mental health isn't just about coping. It's about mattering.

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I think you're absolutely correct about that. And as I was prepping for this, I happened to have noticed that Seth Godin put out his 10,000th blog. And I can't even imagine how many man hours he's gone into. Every day, right? I wrote him this note to just say to him how appreciative I was of his work and what it meant to me. And I happened to interview him about his book, Song of Significance.

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I know he's endorsed your book. as well. So congratulations. I know personally, because he endorsed my book, getting a Seth Godin endorsement is not a trivial thing. But I remember when I was interviewing about The Song of Significance, and I encourage any listener who's out there to read this book.

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It's probably not one of Seth's most well-known ones, but I think it's one of the most important, especially if you're a business leader to read, is he just felt like you and I felt compelled that he had to write this. I remember when I interviewed him about it after he did the Carbon Almanac, he didn't know if he was going to write another book.

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And he said this thing came to him and he pumped the thing out really quick. It's not a very long book, but he was just so upset of how so many people are just treated like they're cogs in the machine. And we've lost the whole perspective. of that people are what make or break a company. It's like the whole anatomy of why a company at the end of the day does well or goes out of existence.

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And they're the most important ingredient that any company has. And yet we have treated this as just a commodity for so long. And I've been in these discussions, too, in the boardroom where you're just getting so focused on shareholder value top line revenue, expense cuts that you have to make that you lose sight of what's important.

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And I think that's what Seth was trying to say in that whole book. Not sure your perspective on it, but that's what I took away as the high level thing he was getting at.

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Oh yeah, he talked about the whole hive.

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It's about meaning. It's about feeling like you are seen, heard, and needed. Last week, I released a solo episode outlining five foundational mental health habits that can create inner resilience and emotional sustainability in the modern world. And last Tuesday, I sat down with Dr. Andrew Newberg, who revealed how belief,

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Well, absolutely. I'll give you a great example of this. And I want to use this to introduce this topic of anti-mattering. I end up taking this job at Lowe's Home Improvement. I've talked about it on the podcast. So if you're a regular listener, bear with me as I tell this story again. But I get hired because Lowe's had, a few months before I got there, had undergone

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The worst hacking incident in retail history up into this point. Two people outside the store were able to get through an access point and got all the way to the general ledger on the mainframe before a computer operator in the group that I was taking over caught them. So I already know we've got a security issue, which means that security isn't a technology issue.

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It's more of a cultural issue because it goes well beyond that. But I remember my first week on the job and this had never come up in any of my interviews and I had eight rounds of interviews. So you would have thought it would have come up. But the head of HR sits me down and I'm thinking we're having a discussion about my direct reports or something like that. And that was like 10% of it.

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But she goes, we just did an employee engagement survey. First one the company has ever done. And do you know the group that you're going into has the worst scores out of 310,000 people? I'm like, and you couldn't have told me this before I accepted the job. So not only do I have to fix this security issue, I got to fix this group.

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And I start doing what anyone would do is I start asking my peers and customers of the group about the group and everyone is, you need to fire them all. This group has no clue what they're doing. They don't care. They're tuned out. They're not responsive.

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And then I did the other thing that I think a lot of people don't do is I started just investing myself and trying to meet and talk to as many people in the group as I could. It didn't matter if they were a direct report, a computer operator, a print operator. It didn't matter. I'd come in at two o'clock in the morning just to figure it out. And what I learned time and time again

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was that none of them felt like they mattered. They didn't know how their job mattered. They didn't know how the work that they were doing impacted a customer, impacted the strategy, where they fit in the whole wheel, nothing. And so this is something that Gordon Flett termed as anti-matter. And I'm introducing it like this so people have an understanding of it, but what does that look like?

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awe and spiritual connection reshape the brain and restore our sense of wholeness. And on Thursday, I was then joined by behavioral scientist Elizabeth Weingarten, whose work reframes uncertainty as a gateway to deeper courage, creativity, and emotional truth.

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I gave an example of it, but in some of your work, what does it look like in everyday life and why is it so corrosive?

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These conversations built the groundwork for what we're unpacking today, because at the center of this entire month is one critical, often overlooked idea, mattering is medicine. And that's exactly what we're exploring with today's guest, Dr. Zach Mercurio.

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Zach, there are a couple of things in the book that I think go into what you were just saying that are quotes that I want leaders who are listening to this to remember. One of the things that you write is that many motivation issues are really anti-mattering issues in disguise.

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And the important thing for a leader who's listening to this is you need to shift from managing behavior to restoring someone's sense of worth. And then another thing that I picked up that I want to highlight on this is you write that a sense of fertility is the enemy of mattering. And that really hit me because when we lose sight

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of our impact, that is what really starts leading to deep disengagement that you were just talking about. And to make this real for someone outside of the work environment, I know you and I are both affiliated with Jennifer Wallace. She's leading a beautiful movement called The Mattering. movement and had a great book about overachievement culture with kids.

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But I remember one of the things that she and I talked about was when you talk about where we started the conversation about the first thing a baby is looking for is to feel like they matter from a parent. Well, as a child is developing, that sense of mattering is still developed by their parent. But if you're in a work environment where every day you were treated like you don't matter,

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Zach is a renowned researcher, speaker, and author of the brand new book, The Power of Mattering, How Leaders Can Cultivate a Culture of Significance out now from Harvard Business Review Press.

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you are showing up differently in the household and what that is doing is it's then causing a ripple effect where that kid who's coming to you because they're so excited that they've done this art project at school and they want to show it to you and you're tuned out or you're on your phone or something else and After two or three times of that happening, they just shut down.

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They stopped showing you the picture because they don't think that their presence matters to you. Well, it's the same thing that happens in the work environment.

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In this conversation, we dive into the neuroscience and psychology behind mattering, how the lack of mattering leads to burnout, disengagement, and despair, why the best leaders are noticers, people who affirm and elevate those around them, and how three deceptively simple practices, noticing, affirming, and needing, can transform entire cultures from the inside out.

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Now let's take that situation and say, you're that person coming from work and you already have that deficit. And then you come home and you're in an emotionally abusive situation where you're getting it doubled down on you. You're getting beaten down at work and now you're getting beaten down in your home as well.

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And also true. And the other thing that I've heard from many teachers I've spoken with is that there's so much bureaucracy in the system and so many roadblocks now for them to teach the kids the way that they want them to teach that they're getting burned out by having to follow so many protocols.

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It's almost like the medical system that they can't even get to the important soft skills they want to teach the kids to begin with because they're so conditioned that they have to teach these other things. And then you throw on top of that, the kids are now getting graded from the very first moments they're in school.

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And so everything gets driven by performance instead of the more important emotional intelligence type of skill set that many of them need to be developing. And we could go on and on about the school systems.

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Whether you're a team leader, parent, or someone who's ever questioned their worth, this is a conversation about reclaiming your humanity and helping others to do the same. So let's get into it. Here's my conversation with the brilliant Dr. Zach Mercurio. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life.

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That's such a good point. I recently did an episode with Alison Woodbrooks. I'm not sure if you know her, but Alison teaches the most popular course at Harvard Business School, and it's called How to Talk Gooder in Business and Life. When we were having this conversation, we really got into the topic of mattering and we were talking about how active listening has become a lost skill.

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But when you think about it, it's really as if you're, you don't think about it this way, but it's really putting up a mirror to yourself as you're listening to the person because you can start to see yourself in their stories if you're truly paying attention. And that's how you see them and in turn can help

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to magnify the situation by letting the other person know that they're valued because you're listening and you can lean in on how they're impacting you. But you also have a chance to share how they're impacting the world by what they're sharing with you. And because we're not active listening anymore, the whole, I guess, loop that I just talked about is disintegrating.

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely honored and truly ecstatic today to have Dr. Zach Mercurio on PassionStruck. Welcome, Zach. Thanks, John. Likewise. I think the feeling's mutual. I am so excited to have you. You are the author of a brand new book called The Power of Mattering.

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Zach, I can't go through this conversation without talking about two of my favorite things, the University of Michigan and hockey. So as I was reading your book about a year and a half ago, I did this interview with John Bacon on the podcast.

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And I was reading your book and I'm like, how did I forget about John Bacon? And I didn't use him in the book. I'm like, this is like the perfect story. And I was hoping maybe you can talk about how he turned around this hockey team and why mattering was at the core of it.

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And I am so excited to do this conversation because this is right up the direct alley of PassionStruck and our listener base. And this whole book is talking about the importance of mattering at work. But I'm just so glad you've gotten this into the world. You must feel relieved and really ready to ignite the world with this content.

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Yeah. And if you want to listen to it, you can listen to the just search passion struck John you bacon, and you'll find it. And it really leads back to that whole story. that I talked about with Lowe's because the part of the story I left out was two years later when they did the employee disengagement survey, our employee engagement survey again, that same group

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went from the worst in the company to the second highest in performance. And similar to his hockey team, a few of the chairs I switched out, but I would say 85 to 88% of the organization was the same as what I inherited. It was just, treating people differently that made the huge difference.

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I think you're so right on that. And really in the book, you also have a story about Japan Airlines that really is reiterating these same things. And a major component of your book is highlighting three practices, noticing, affirming, and needing. And this is something John Bacon did, and it's something that Japan Airlines did.

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And it reminded me, I worked for a global construction company called Lendlease. And one of the things that reminded me of the Japan Airlines story is they had this huge imperative focus on safety and safety really showed up by the way that they had their leaders go out and evaluate the projects that they were working on to make it as safe as humanly possible for the workers who were there.

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And one of the big things that Lendlease did was they really involved the employees to help educate the leaders on how they could make a work site run more safely. And it reminded me of what Japan Airlines did as well in their safety procedures. But it all comes down to the three fundamental things that your book really concentrates on.

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Thank you with that. And I just want to close with two final questions that are really directed at our audience. And the first one, Zach, is for someone listening today who feels unseen or undervalued right now, what would you say to them?

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And I'm going to steal one thing from you, Zach, and this is for any parent who's out there. I recently did an episode, if you want to go and listen to it on mattering and families, but you've reiterated the same thing that I said in that episode. And that is we often ask kids, how was your day at school? And you can rephrase it by saying something like, who did you help today?

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That opens up a completely different discussion and way of talking about mattering with your kids.

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So true. I reached out to Katie Melkman and I said, hey, Katie, I'm working on what I think is the most important project I've ever worked on in my career. When I started down the path of writing this book, because for me, it's really something deeply personal. It started when I was five years old after I had a traumatic brain injury.

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Zach, thank you so much for coming on the show. Congratulations on your new book, The Power of Mattering. A must read for any leader in any business, but really anyone who's in a relationship, who's part of a family, who's in a school environment. It really applies universally to all those situations. Congratulations and thank you for all the work that you're doing to put this into the world.

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Thank you, John. You too. And that's a wrap on today's episode with Dr. Zach Mercurio. From the hidden epidemic of invisibility in the workplace to the healing impact of being seen, affirmed, and needed to the simple truth that significance fuels performance, Zach reminds us that mattering isn't just psychological, it's organizational oxygen.

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The opposite of disengagement isn't productivity, it's being valued. And the most important leadership skill might just be noticing. If today's conversation resonated, pick up Zach's brand new book, The Power of Mattering, How Leaders Can Cultivate a Culture of Significance, available now from Harvard Business Review Press. You'll find the link in the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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And if you're continuing the journey through Mental Health Month, go back and check out my solo episode on five mental health habits, Dr. Andrew Newberg on the neuroscience of belief and spiritual resilience, Gretchen Rubin on the secrets of adulthood, and Elizabeth Weingarten on the power of uncertainty and emotional clarity.

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If you'd like to bring these kinds of insights to your organization, conference, or team, I'm currently booking speaking engagements for 2025 and 2026. Visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn how I can help your audience ignite intentional growth and build lives that matter.

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You can also join the Ignition Room, our free community for those looking to live with greater clarity, purpose, and momentum. Subscribe to the Ignited Life newsletter and also watch today's full episode plus exclusive bonus clips on our YouTube channel. If you found this episode helpful, please consider sharing it and leaving a five-star review on Apple or Spotify.

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It helps us grow and reach more people ready to live with deeper intention. And coming up next on Passion Struck, I sit down with Biette Simpkin, the spiritual teacher and artist often dubbed the David Bowie of meditation for a raw and so stirring conversation about grief transformation and creative awakening. You don't want to miss it.

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Until next time, live boldly, lead with purpose, and as always, live life passion struck.

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And I felt invisible at that point in my life because of the aftermath. And so it's something that is in part of my life from a very early age. But I think something you and I both share is I hear a lot of people talking about symptoms and you hear about the loneliness epidemic and The hopelessness epidemic and people feeling burned out and broken and battered, whatever word you want to use.

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And for a while, I thought they were all separate conditions. But the more I have been investing into it, I think they're all symptoms of an underlying lack of significance that people feel in their lives. And I think you feel the same way.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Welcome to Episode 610 of the Passion Struck Podcast.

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Well, thank you for sharing that, Zach. And I want to jump into this. In the book you write, our first instinct in life is to matter. And that's a pretty profound claim. Our first instinct in life is to matter. When did you first realize that and how did it shape your mission to study this as part of your doctoral research, to write this book, to write the book that you did before this?

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That's interesting. You've studied everything from janitors to CEOs to healthcare workers. Since you brought that up, what are some common patterns you've seen across all these different various groups and how people experience mattering in maybe some common ways?

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Whether this is your first time tuning in or you've been with us from the beginning, I am so grateful you're here. Together, we're building a movement grounded in one powerful idea. You don't have to settle. You can live with intention. Lead with purpose and make what truly matters, matter most. Before diving in, I've got something exciting to share.

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It is so true, and I completely agree with what you're saying. Now, I think a lot of people get confused, and you and I were talking about Professor Jeff Cohen, who wrote the book Belonging, before you joined me on the show. I think people get confused because they think belonging and mattering or self-esteem and mattering are the same thing. But I think you and I would both say they're not.

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What do you think makes them different?

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We just launched the PassionStruck clothing line. And to celebrate, we're giving away free gear to new members of the Ignition Room. The Ignition Room is our free listener space where we go deeper after every episode with exclusive debriefs, reflection prompts, and a place to ask your questions and connect with our team.

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What do you think, John? Well, I completely agree with you. And I don't want to give out too much of my book coming up, but I have this model that has four components to it. And one of them is that from a personal perspective, we have to feel like we matter. But then there's a reciprocal component to it where others need in turn to make us feel like we matter.

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And in turn, we make other people feel like they matter. And then what ends up happening, it ripples from there. And it reminds me of a line that you have in the book, people need to feel value to add value. And no matter how you look at it, it really turns the conventional model on its head. And I think this is where so many organizations get it backwards. That's really well put.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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First, on Tuesday, we explored deep spiritual and personal transformation with Natalie Namaste, who shared her insights on the mattering mindset and how we can heal from within to step into our highest potential. Then I sat down with Dr. Sam Wilkinson to discuss the neuroscience of resilience decision making and how our brains adapt to life's biggest challenges.

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So when I reached out to you and I was talking to Katie, part of the reason for doing this interview is I'm currently writing a book on mattering and your insights are deeply resonant with what I've been exploring. But when I first started researching this, maybe a year ago, 18 months ago, I originally reached out to Angela and Katie and Ethan Cross and

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a number of Cassie Holmes and a bunch of others. And I couldn't find a single scientist who was, people were studying happiness, people were studying like Edward Deasy and Richard Ryan's self-determinations theory. But the only person I could really find who was truly focused on belonging was Jeff Cohen and then Gordon Flett, who teaches at the University of York.

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And it really struck me that as much as mattering matters, that it's not a bigger area of exploration. But as I've looked at this more deeply, I think mattering impacts so many different things that there is a lot of science that's gone through it, but just different lens. So you have studied happiness extensively. How do you think happiness and mattering intersect?

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A feeling significant connects to our overall well-being.

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Well, I'm glad you brought that up because I know another person that you've spoken about on the podcast is Dacher Keltner. And I love Dacher. I love every time I get to have him on the show. And I think what you were just describing there is his concept of moral beauty, that people feel awe more times than anywhere else when they see someone perform an act of generosity to someone else.

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If you miss either of these episodes, I highly recommend going back to listen to them. They're packed with insights that will transform the way you approach your own growth and well-being. Now, let me ask you this. What if the happiness we chase isn't the happiness we truly need? What if the stories we tell ourselves about fulfillment are actually leading us astray?

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Is that where you were going with it?

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I want to take this a step further. You gave some great statistics early on. I've recently been reading the report from the belonging barometer that the American, I'm not sure if you've read this or not, but it's American Immigration Council put together. But the results were quite startling, I should say. 64% of Americans don't feel that they're included at work.

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74% feel excluded in their communities. And the one that kind of blew me away was that 17% feel that they don't belong in any circumstance. So it's a huge issue. And as I've explored this, I am terming it the disease of disconnection and you're bringing up the need to connect with others. But in many ways, I feel we're disconnected from ourselves. What are your thoughts on that?

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And how do we break free from the misconceptions that keep us from experiencing genuine joy, meaning, and connection? That's exactly what we're diving into today with one of the world's foremost experts on happiness and well-being, Dr. Laurie Santos.

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Yeah, because that's where I wanted to come back. I'm glad you're doing it.

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She is a distinguished professor of psychology at Yale University, the creator of Psychology and the Good Life, the most popular course in Yale's 300-year history, and the host of the internationally renowned podcast, The Happiness Lab, which has surpassed 100 million downloads. In today's conversation, we explore the biggest myths about happiness and how our brains mislead us.

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of strategies and all this work that's going after something that ultimately isn't going to be the thing that gives you a lot of fulfillment and i just want to take that and just bring in self-determination theory here because really what edward dc's initial work found was that we were focused on so much external motivation and that wasn't what was really driving

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people to be happy or to really succeed. It was really the intrinsic motivation. So I know from my time, my background is I was a senior executive in Fortune 50 companies, eventually became C-level at a $60 billion tech company. And I always say I reached that pinnacle, and yet I felt more disconnected from myself than I ever had before in my life.

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And I found that what was happening is I was so consumed with the constant grind that everything else in my life was like falling apart, so to speak, because I was working 100 plus hours at work. I had no time for anything else. And do you think in many ways that's what's going on with people?

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The role of social connection and feeling like we matter. Why the pursuit of achievement doesn't always translate to fulfillment. And lastly, practical science-backed strategies to build more joy, resilience, and deep relationships. This episode is filled with powerful takeaways that will challenge the way you think about happiness, meaning in the way that you design your life.

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I think you're so right. And when I describe it, the words I use are Henry David Thoreau's quiet desperation, because that's exactly how I felt. I felt just stuck. And I was the most apathetic and numb I've ever been in my life. And

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I wanted to change so desperately, but it was so difficult because of everything that I had built up and feeling I'm going to be a shell of myself if I don't do these things that I've been working on for the past decade. And now that I'm doing what I do now, I wish I would have started down this path a decade earlier.

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So I want to take this a step further. I recently interviewed Sige Oishi, who I'm sure you know. I think for a long time, when we have thought about happiness, there's a whole line of research that's been done on happiness and a whole bunch of research that's been done on meaning in life. And he is really talking about a third element or a third dimension called psychological richness.

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Where do you see this concept of mattering fitting into this entire framework? And where do you see his concept of psychological richness fitting in? Or do you think it even needs to fit in?

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Dr. Santos weaves together groundbreaking psychology with practical insights that will help you reclaim your well-being and align your life with what truly matters. If you've ever felt like you're chasing success but still feeling unfulfilled, or if you want to know the science behind lasting joy and purpose, This conversation is for you.

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So I want to talk about villages and evolution. I was recently having a discussion with Sandra Matz, who's a professor at Columbia, and we were talking about algorithms and big data and this concept of throughout most of history up until recently, humans have survived around this concept of a small village environment. And we are very much

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conditioned to be in that type of setting where we're around like-minded people who know our business, whether we're doing something good and being rewarded for it, or we act in a way that doesn't conform with what the village or that group feels. Why do you think the need to matter is so deeply ingrained in humans from an evolutionary perspective?

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And for those of you who want to dive deeper, check out our episode starter packs at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or Spotify. With over 580 episodes, we've curated playlists on themes like leadership, mental health, and personal growth to help you find the inspiration that resonates most with you. And don't forget to subscribe to my live intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com

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I think that was a great foundation for my next question. So where Sandra and I went is we've switched as a culture from these localized villages to now a global village where the people we're interacting with oftentimes are anonymous to us. And unlike the people in the smaller village who usually have our best interest at hand, many of these anonymous characters are nefarious.

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And it brought back my discussion with Emma Sapella because we discussed how technology can connect or disconnect us depending on how it's used. How do you think This evolution of technology connecting us or maybe isolating us more because of technology, like how do you see this playing out and how does it impact happiness and matter?

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And I think a great episode, if people wanted to go back and find it, I can't remember what the episode number was, but I interviewed Harvard professor Joshua Green, and we were talking about the multiplier effect of altruism. So that is a great one that speaks to what you were just talking to.

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for exclusive weekly insights, challenges, tools, and actionable strategies to live with greater intention. And if you prefer video, join the growing community on the John R. Miles YouTube channel, where you can watch this episode and more. Now, let's dive into this incredible conversation about happiness, mattering, and the science of a fulfilling life with the one and only Dr. Laurie Santos.

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Laurie, I wanted to go now to the topic of listening. I was recently talking to Alison Woodbrooks and we were discussing her new book, but we really got into how the art of listening is becoming a lost skill. And something that she said to me really blew me away. And she goes, the way we listen or don't listen really comes down to making someone feel seen or unseen.

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And it really struck me because she's right. When we listen to someone intently, it's like we're holding up a mirror to ourselves because in that person we see ourselves, but so many people are tuned out. We're on our devices. We're not, we're just, our mind is somewhere else. It's drifting. Are you seeing more of this come into play?

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Yeah, it reminds me, if you've ever been interviewed for a short segment on TV, I have a hard time dealing with them because you can't really storytell at all. You have got to make just very short, succinct points. And it often doesn't connect well, I find. But I think that's how we're communicating more and more, fortunately.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely thrilled today to welcome Dr. Lori Santos on PassionStruck. Welcome Lori.

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It's interesting, and this is on a tangent, but I heard a commercial the other day for one of the dating apps and I can't remember which one it was, but they have put a functionality in where a person can no longer paste in their answers because they were finding too many people were using AI and they weren't projecting who they truly were. So they're making people hand their answers and.

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I thought it was interesting that we've gone to that point that we're impostering who we are in these conversations. Like the person isn't going to find that out in the first or second time they meet you.

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So one of the things that's a cornerstone of your teaching is gratitude. How does practicing gratitude enhance both happiness and the sense of belonging?

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So I wanted to use whatever time left we have just to give some people some takeaways. So what daily habits or rituals do you recommend for someone who's listening to this and they feel the disconnection that we're talking about to foster more happiness and a sense of matter?

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I was so taken aback when Katie Melkman made the introduction and I love her work and your work as well. And then Emma Sapella was going to introduce me to you, but I think you all are doing such a fantastic job of expanding science's practicality and taking it to where people can put it to use.

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And my last thing I wanted to explore with you is I really love the work of the late Emile Bruneau and what he was trying to do around the whole space of dehumanization and trying to find ways to get people to see the beauty in each other. And as I think about his work, there are a lot of different cultural variations and social economic inequalities that come into play here.

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How do you think they affect people's ability to feel happiness or that they matter? And what are some ways to pull out of that?

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How have you seen this changing over the past four or five years and people being more and more receptive to it?

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Laurie, it has been such an honor to have you on the podcast today. And I always like to give my guests an opportunity to tell the listeners where they can learn more about you. So I was hoping you could share that with them.

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Well, Lori, thank you so much for joining me today. It was really such a great conversation. Thank you so much.

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And that's a wrap on today's conversation. What an incredible one it was with Dr. Lori Santos. Her insights on happiness, matter, and connection remind us that true fulfillment isn't about chasing external success. It's about aligning our lives with what truly brings us meaning and joy. From understanding the cognitive traps that mislead us about happiness,

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to embracing the power of human connection, Lori has given us a roadmap to living with greater purpose and intention. As we close out today's episode, I invite you to reflect on a few key takeaways. How can you cultivate a greater sense of mattering in your daily life? What small shifts in your mindset or habits could lead to deeper fulfillment?

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And how can you strengthen the connections that bring true joy and significance? If today's discussion resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review. It's one of the best ways to support the show and help us bring impactful conversations like this one to more people.

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And if someone in your life could benefit from Dr. Santo's wisdom, share this episode with them because a single conversation can change everything. For all the resources we discussed, including the Science of Wellbeing course and the Happiness Lab podcast, visit the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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And if you want to go deeper, be sure to check out the video version of this episode on my John R. Miles YouTube channel, where you'll find more enriching conversations just like this one. And while you're there, hit subscribe and join our growing community.

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And if you're looking to bring these transformative insights into your organization or team, visit JohnRMiles.com slash speaking to explore how we can work together to create intentional change. Coming up next on Passion Strike, I'm joined by Bryant Wood, a former model and bodybuilder turned master breathwork instructor and transformational coach.

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We'll be diving into the power of breathwork, emotional resilience, and redefining strength through vulnerability and connection. Brian's journey from external validation to deep inner healing is an inspiring testament to how we can all break from limiting beliefs and reclaim our authentic selves. It's the perfect complement to this episode with Dr. Laurie Santos.

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So make sure you're subscribed and get ready for another transformative conversation. And remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value here in this episode, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And most importantly, take what you've learned and put it into action. Because knowledge alone doesn't create change, but action does. Until next time, live life passion-struck.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Laurie Santos on How to Matter in a Busy World | EP 583

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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It's great. I love what you have done, Katie, with her podcast, Dr. Huberman, of course, and others, Rhonda Patrick. and others are making this much more accessible. Your Yale course, Psychology and the Good Life, became the most popular course in the university's history. And when you think about that, Yale has been around for hundreds of years.

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What inspired you to create it and why do you think it's resonated so deeply with students?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome to episode 583.

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So I remember a couple of years ago, I was interviewing Susan Cain and we were talking about her book, Bittersweet. So we were already exploring emotions, but we got into this topic that when she was writing the book, she went back onto the campus of Princeton where she went. And she ran into this term that she hadn't ever heard of.

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I hadn't heard of it at that point, but it was effortless perfection. Is that something that you found on the Yale campus as well? And is that what's happening or is it bigger than this?

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So I'm going to park that for a second, but we're going to come back to it in our broader discussion. I do want to go to the online version of your course, which I saw has reached over 4 million people. What surprised you most about how people from different walks of life have engaged with it?

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Whether you're a long term listener or tuning in for the first time, I am so grateful you're here. You have joined a global movement dedicated to unlocking your full potential, living with intention and making what truly matters matter most. Before we dive in, let's take a moment to reflect on the powerful conversations we shared last week.

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Well, that's not the only thing that's gone viral. Your podcast, The Happiness Lab, which I'm a big fan of, has now gone over 100 million downloads, probably far more than that. But I just want to give a shout out to it because I'm a personal listener of it. And I've loved your interviews with Gretchen Rubin, my friend Dan Harris, Jamil Zaki, just to name a few.

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And I'm so excited for this current season that you're doing. So congratulations on that. But I wanted to ask you about the podcast. You've likely encountered some amazing stories of transformation as you've been doing it. Can you share an example maybe of someone who applied the principles? Maybe it was a podcast listener who's come back to you that saw a profound change in their life?

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Shige Oishi on How to Live a Psychologically Rich Life | EP 571

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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What if the key to a truly fulfilling life isn't just about happiness or meaning, but something much deeper? For decades, the pursuit of happiness or a sense of purpose has dominated our understanding of the good life. But today's guest, Shigeo Ishii, produces a transformative third dimension, psychological richness.

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Thank you for that. And Shige, you go in the book, we were talking about happiness, but then you start going into exploring the meaning in life and you go into the work of Carol Riff and the difference between the hedonic model and the eudaemonic model, which focuses more on personal growth and purpose, et cetera. How would you describe meaning in life and how does it differ from happiness?

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The idea that a life filled with diverse, novel, and even challenging experiences can be just as, if not more, fulfilling. Shigeo Ishii is one of the world's leading psychologists and the Marshall Field IV Professor of Psychology at the University of Chicago.

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And then where does your third model emerge? And how does it necessarily differentiate between the classic battle and where does it enrich it?

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He has dedicated his career to studying happiness, meaning, and culture, building on the foundational work of his mentor, Ed Diener, while pushing the boundaries of what we know about well-being.

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An area of research that Ethan Cross actually turned me on to was the work of Edward DC and Richard Ryan. I actually had Dr. Ryan on the show this past year. And in self-determination theory, they really found the connection to our intrinsic worth is tied to three variables as you're well aware, but for the audience, it really comes down to our autonomy. mastery and relatedness or connections.

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So where does your research align with that and where does it expand upon their framework and take it to a next level?

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His groundbreaking research has been featured in major outlets like The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, and his brand new book, Life in Three Dimensions, redefines what it means to live a good life. In today's interview, we explore how psychological richness differs from happiness and meaning, why it matters, and how it can transform your life.

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And since you just brought that up, I recently found something called the Belonging Barometer. Not sure if you've seen this, but it was created by the American Immigration Council, of all people. But their surveys found that right now in America, 64% of workers feel excluded in the workplace. 74% of Americans feel excluded in their communities. Overall, 67% felt some level of exclusion.

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But the thing that was striking to me was that almost 20% of all Americans feel like they have no sense of belonging at all in their lives. Wow. So to me, this is really becoming a profound issue. And it's not just an American issue. It's a global issue. Where does psychological richness come into play here to help fix this lack of sense of belonging that so many people have?

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We'll dive into the science behind these ideas from the psychology of happiness hired by Ed Diener and Marty Seligman to Carol Reff's self-determination theory. Shigi will share how psychological richness addresses the pitfalls of happiness and meaning, the traps of complacency and narrowness, and why embracing curiosity, exploration, and even adversity can help us live with fewer regrets.

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Thank you for addressing that. And I saw in the book that you highlight the work of Susan Cain, and I have been a huge fan of Susan's work since Quiet came out and was so honored to have her on this show to discuss Bittersweet, which is the book that you highlight in your book. And it was interesting.

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Last night I was on Fox News talking to the anchor about why people fail on their New Year's resolutions. And it really got me thinking about the sense of belonging and belonging. But from a different perspective, one of the things that I think leads to people not completing their New Year's resolutions is their emotional state, meaning how their emotional state plays into

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how they're feeling about completing them. So things that Susan talks about, such as sorrow and longing are needed to make us whole. I think these negative emotions also play a role into how we live our lives, the goal we set out. And reading this, you tend to agree. And I was hoping you could talk about that.

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I did an interesting solo episode that came out today as we're recording this, but I The theme of the episode was on own your cracks, meaning so often we want to approach things in life like from the standpoint of being perfect. But there is no such thing as being perfect. So I explored in this episode the Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi, which I'm sure you're familiar with.

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We'll also discuss how psychological richness connects to today's loneliness epidemic, the importance of mattering as well as belonging, and how we can cultivate richer, more vibrant lives.

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Incompleteness and permanence are really a better way to think about our goal setting. And as I was thinking about that, I read following this discussion about Susan's book, the six studies that you explored the role of positive and negative emotions. And what I found interesting was in all six, those who were leading happy life, who experienced a lot of joy, contentment and pleasantness,

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but rarely experienced sadness, anger, and fear were very similar to living a meaningful life. From that study and the final experiment you did, what did you find about people who lived a richer week, a richer month, a richer year?

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If you've ever wondered why happiness and meaning sometimes leave you feeling stuck or unfulfilled, or if you're looking for ways to add more depth, curiosity, and richness to your life, then this episode is for you. Before we dive into today's episode, let's reflect on the powerful conversations we shared last week.

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Yeah, to me, that is some really fascinating findings that you've found there and something that I'm going to incorporate more into the way that I'm approaching some of my own solo episodes this year to try to focus more on this. Another area I wanted to highlight with you, Shige, is I've been really fascinated for years by the work of Cornell psychologist Tom Gilovich.

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And really what he examines is the science of regret, how inaction or action can shape our lives. And what I find about his work is through all these studies he's done, he has found the same thing that Bronnie Ware found in the five regrets of dying. Basically 76% of people regret not trying to pursue becoming their ideal life. If I take it at the 50,000 foot level.

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And this really led me to think about your chapter six, which where you're trying to quantify a psychological rich life. Can you talk about the study that you did around obituaries and what that showed?

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On Tuesday, Ethan Cross joined me, and we explored insights from his latest book, Shift, managing your emotions so they don't manage you. In our discussion, Ethan presents a science-based guide to mastering our emotional lives, and he offers actionable strategies to ensure our emotions amplify our capabilities rather than hinder them. Then on Thursday, Eric Zimmer joined me.

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So I just want to use one example that you can talk about, because you mentioned in the book, a lot of people, when they think of someone who's led a really deep, creative, meaningful life, think of Steve Jobs. How would you rate him from your own research and what you think is a rich life?

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He's a behavioral coach and host of the One You Feed podcast, and he shared his journey from overcoming addiction to becoming a hope for so many people worldwide. He emphasized that recovery and personal growth are not about grand gestures, but about consistent, intentional steps.

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Well, thank you for going into that. And another thing that really caught my eye was when you looked at different personality structures, extra vision and openness really came out. And you found that openness to experience is strongly linked to leading a psychologically rich life, which obviously Steven Jobs explored throughout his life.

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And he had key characteristics of curiosity, imagineness, imagination, willingness to explore intellectual and artistic pursuits. And your research has a fascinating reciprocal relationship Open, if I understand it, openness enhances the likelihood of engaging in psychologically enriching activities. Can you go into this a little bit more and why it's so important?

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These discussions provided valuable perspectives on managing our inner worlds and embracing the challenges that lead to personal growth. And if you're ready to take these insights even deeper, don't forget to check out our episode starter packs.

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I wanted to jump ahead to chapter 11 in your book. You write at the beginning of this, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, which is a quote from philosopher Nietzsche. But you write here, which is true, most psychologically rich experiences are intentional.

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one usually makes the choice to study abroad you talk about one chooses to read one chooses to watch one chooses to take up a diy project but i want to go into something that's a little bit more personal for me and what this chapter is really about earlier this year out of the blue we were affected in tampa bay in a period of two weeks by two major hurricanes and in my case

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One of them impacted us with about two and a half to three feet of water in our house. Thousands and thousands of people around me lost everything. And one of the interesting things I've seen is how people are responding to it. How do these things that we don't control that happen to us impact our experience of being psychologically rich?

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With over 570 episodes, we know it can be overwhelming, so we've curated playlists on themes like leadership, personal growth, alternative health, and so many more. You can find them all on Spotify or by visiting passionstruck.com. For weekly inspiration and actionable tips, be sure to sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter.

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Thank you for sharing that. And I wanted to go back to Tom Gilovich's work here for a second. In chapter 14, you go into a good life without regrets. And as I was reading through this, it was your whole approach to how you were talking about A wood is a good job caught my attention. And you're right. In 1890, William James invented the self-esteem equation in the principles of psychology.

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And I'm sure not many of the listeners have heard this, so I'm going to read it. Self-esteem equals success slash pretensions. By pretensions, he meant one's aspirations. Self-esteem is high if one has fulfilled most of their aspirations and low if one hasn't. What was wrong with his formula and how does living a psychologically rich life change this equation would be part one of the question.

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It's packed with exclusive content and tools to help you put the lessons from our episodes into practice. And if you prefer watching these conversations, all of our episodes are available on our YouTube channels at JohnRMiles.com. and passion struck clips where you can catch the videos and share them with others in your life who are passionate about growth.

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So I want to ask you a follow-on question to that. So in this chapter, you write that you analyze pay scale survey of over 2 million people in 502 job categories. And according to this data and your work, What predicts satisfaction and what jobs did you find where people were the most happy?

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So get ready for a thought provoking conversation with Shiggy Oishi that will challenge how you see the world and your place in it. Thank you for choosing passion struck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now let that journey begin. I am absolutely thrilled today to have Dr. Shige Owishi with me on PassionStruck. Welcome, Shige. Thank you.

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Thank you for going into that as well. And the last thing I wanted to cover in this chapter was you wrote about, and I'm going to have to check this podcast out, two psychologists and four beers. What a name for a podcast. But the two hosts used trip metaphors to describe a happy life and a psychologically rich life.

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And if I had to do this interview again, I might've started with this question, but can you describe how these two are different? Because I think this is a really good metaphor for understanding the difference.

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That basically sums up the difference for me. I've never been a huge fan of the all in resorts. I'd much rather do a vacation where I'm mountain climbing or challenge personally.

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I want to go back to where we started talking about your father. His life, as we brought up at the beginning, is an example of stability, tradition, living in that small village. For those listeners who find themselves in similar circumstances, what would be some small actions they can take today to add more richness into their lives?

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First off, I want to congratulate you for your new book, Life in Three Dimensions. I was so impressed reading this that I cannot wait to dive into this and to introduce it to our leaders, but congratulations on its release.

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My takeaway from that is even with familiar experiences, you can build a life that holds richness by incorporating those different things into your daily life to foster a more psychologically deep and meaningful way to approach it. So my last question would be, what would be for a listener or reader, the one major takeaway you would like them to have from today's discussion?

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So I'm going to start off where your book starts off. You introduce the book by talking about your father's journey versus your own life. And as you're doing it, your father's life represents comfort and tradition while your own life has been more filled with exploration and uncertainty.

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So maybe that'll be the title for this episode. Just do it.

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Dr. Shigeo Ishii, thank you so much for being here today. The name of your book is Life in Three Dimensions. It releases February 4th, and I'm so excited for this to go into the general public where more people can learn how to live a psychologically rich life. If people want to learn more about you, where's the best place for them to go?

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Shige, thank you so much. Thank you so much for having me. It was an honor to have you on the show. Thank you. I can't think of a more profound and inspiring conversation than the one we just had with Dr. Shige Oishi. His exploration of psychological richness challenges us to rethink the very foundation of what makes a life well-lived.

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By introducing this third dimension alongside happiness and meaning, Shige invites us to embrace curiosity, adversity, and the transformative power of diverse experiences. As we wrap up, I encourage you to reflect on today's insights. Are you prioritizing psychological richness in your life?

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How can you step beyond routines or comfort zones to explore new perspectives, deepen connections, and add richness to your journey? If this episode resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a Firestar rating and review. Your feedback helps us continue bringing impactful conversations like this one to the PassionStruck community.

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And if you know someone who could benefit from Shige's insights, share this episode with them. You never know whose life it might help inspire. All the resources we discussed today, including Dr. Oishi's groundbreaking book, Life in Three Dimensions, are linked in the show notes at PassionStruck.com.

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You can also watch the video version of this episode and don't forget to subscribe and share it with others who are passionate about growth and intentional living. And as always, I'm passionate about bringing these insights to organizations and teams through speaking engagements.

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If today's discussion sparked ideas for creating a richer, more vibrant culture in your workplace, visit johnrmiles.com speaking to learn more about how we can work together. And then lastly, let's talk about Thursday's episode. Are you a perfectionist? Do you often feel that your pursuit of excellence leads to stress or dissatisfaction?

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How have these contrasting paths shaped your views and the difference between the life you've led and your father's?

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In my upcoming episode, we sit down with Katherine Morgan Schaffler, a renowned psychotherapist and author of The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, A Path to Peace and Power. Katherine challenges the conventional view of perfectionism, suggesting that it can be harnessed as a personal superpower rather than a flaw.

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Don't miss this enlightening conversation that could transform your relationship with perfectionism.

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Thank you for being a vital part of the Passion Start community. Your commitment to living with intention and embracing growth inspires me every day. Remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value here, share it with someone who could benefit. And as always, apply what you've learned so that you can live what you listen. Until next time, live life Passion Struck.

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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I recently interviewed Sandra Matz, who teaches at Columbia. And as I was listening to her story in her new book, She really started to talk about her journey was much like your father's starting out. She lived in a small village in Germany. And now her work is really studying the global village that we find ourselves in. And I would say your journey and my journey are pretty similar.

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I left my family when I turned 18, joined the military and flew the coop. And so I experienced much more of a global village moving a number of times over my lifetime. How do you think that circumstance where not only is the global village us moving to different places, but through algorithms and technology and social media, the global village is now everywhere around us.

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How do you think that is influencing how we see ourselves and our sense of mattering?

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What I'm hearing you say in many ways is that when we live in these smaller villages, we really become closed-minded based on the values, traditions, thoughts of that small village, that small community where many people fall into the trap of following the herd.

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And what you're saying is when you start looking at this from a global perspective, you start getting many more diverse viewpoints into the way that you're thinking and exploring life. Is that a fair way to think about the two?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey, PassionStruck fam. Welcome to episode 571.

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Okay, so another thing I wanted to ask you about, since you brought this up, is I've really become fascinated by the work of the late Emil Bruneau, who was trying to really focus on dehumanization and how do we end conflicts by having people see the other side.

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As you think about this global village we work in now, or we work and live in now, there are so many times when we're not seeing the other side. What are through the research you've done? What are some ways that we can break this path that we've gone down of decisiveness and division?

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I think one of the things that we should really do more of is I've traveled to probably 50 different countries. I've been to Japan more than a dozen times. And one of the things I'm always grateful for when I'm on these travels is realizing that the more I'm around people from other countries, the more we're all alike, the more we want the same things in life. And

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Yet we let the 20% of differences get in the way of the 80% in commonality that we all share.

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So over the past 18 months, I've been really doing some deep dives into happiness. And I think this all started by, I had Bob Waldinger on the podcast when he came out with his book, The Good Life. And it's a very interesting read. The Harvard Study of Adult Aging really points to our health, our connections, our at what makes us happy.

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I am thrilled to have you as part of this incredible community. Whether you're a longtime listener or joining us for the first time, you've become part of a global movement dedicated to igniting purpose and living boldly. I couldn't be happier to have you here. So today, I want to ask you a profound question.

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And one of the things I found intriguing about your own work is your mentor was Ed Diener, who is considered to be one of the pioneers of happiness studies. Looking back on decades of research, what have we learned and what have you learned since your time with Ed about what truly makes people happy?

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Well, I saw as I was looking through all your materials that Marty Seligman was one of the many people, in addition to my friend, Ethan Cross, who gave you an endorsement for your book. And Marty's work in positive psychology really emphasizes optimism and strength. How does your thought process and your research intersect with or diverge from these ideas?

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Jessica Zweig on How to Be the Light You Seek in the World | EP 544

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Well, Jess, thank you for going through that in so much detail and being vulnerable about it. If there's a listener who's tuning in and they themselves are going through this right now, what would be your advice to them?

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Well, thank you for sharing that. And I'm sure there's someone who's listened to this who needed to hear those exact words.

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You have mentioned your book a couple times today, and it's titled is The Light Work. It's a USA Today bestselling book. Congratulations on that. And for those who are watching, the cover is right behind your right hand shoulder.

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congratulations on that. And I wanted to go here in the light work. You talk about uncovering our inner light and the importance of recognizing both light and dark aspects of ourselves. Can you share how you define inner light and how it differs from the darkness?

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I am so grateful for your continued energy passion and commitment to living a more intentional life week after week you show up ready to elevate yourselves and that's what makes this community so powerful if you're joining for the first time welcome to the passion struck family you've just joined a global community focused on igniting purpose and living boldly with intention and we're thrilled to have you with us before we dive in to today's episode let's take a moment to reflect on some incredible

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incredible conversations from last week. We started with Cody Sanchez, who shared her step-by-step framework for achieving financial freedom by investing in cash-flowing, sweaty and boring businesses. Her insights were a game changer for anyone looking to build wealth with intentionality.

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So you're not going to believe this. I'm not sure if you've ever read this book, the book of Awakening by Mark Nepo. I love it. But I try to keep up with this every single night because he does it by date. So every date has a chapter. And last night I was reading this as I was prepping for the interview and reading your book.

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And November 13, he writes, being true to who we are means carrying our spirit with Like a candle in the center of our darkness. And I read it and it was as if chills were going down my spine.

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Because it resonated so much with your message.

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Well, when you think about this candle that you and Mark are talking about, this concept of light isn't new. And I thought it was so funny how when you were talking to your publisher about using this word that they saw it as misunderstood or problematic, and we're trying to steer you away from using it. On the cover of my book, I have A light, too. It's a flame.

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And I think it is such a powerful symbol. And my publisher didn't want to use it either. In fact, it was almost a walkaway moment for both of us because I was so adamant about having it on the cover. When you think about our own light, which is really, as you describe it, our potential, it can feel so intimidating to us and even others.

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How do you think embracing this idea of being the light helps us reconnect with our authentic power?

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Then we had Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor and Radical Respect, who delivered actionable strategies for improving communication, building trust, and creating workplace cultures where respect and candor thrive. Her tools for navigating difficult conversations resonated deeply and provided practical ways to lead with purpose and clarity.

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Both episodes are packed with powerful lessons and tie to my solo episode last week on how to bridge the gap between knowing and doing. And they're must-listens for anyone striving to take intentional action in their lives. And if you're ready to take these insights even deeper, don't forget to check out our episode starter packs with over 540 episodes.

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I love that Jess. And one of the things I have talked about repeatedly on this show, because I think it's so important is when I was given this mission years ago to create what I'm doing now. I was told to go out there and help the beaten, bored, broken, battered, lonely, helpless of the world.

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And I had no idea what that meant from the business executive position and chair that I was sitting in at the time. I didn't know who those people were, how I was supposed to help them. And as I started to think about personal branding and I was working with Rory Vaden who I'm sure, and I was doing this one word problem exercise that he has people go to, which I found to be extremely difficult.

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It took me almost a year to get to it. I realized that those things are symptoms and underneath all of that, The thing that is impacting people is unmattering. And there's a quote that I was thinking about when you were talking by Andy Stanley, when you were talking about light and not realizing our light.

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He says, our fear of not mattering much has the potential to draw us away from what matters most. And I think it's so fits in to us running away from the light because when we do, I think it puts us into a place where we feel like we don't matter. And then all these other things start brewing inside of us and we don't feel whole. I wanted to get your thought on that.

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We know it can be overwhelming, so we've curated playlists on themes like leadership, mental health, and personal growth. You can find them on Spotify or by visiting passionstruck.com slash starter packs. For weekly inspiration and actionable tips, be sure to sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com.

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It's packed with exclusive content and tools to help you put the lessons from our episodes into practice. And you can also, while you're on the website, take the Passion Struck quiz to find out where you stand on your journey to becoming Passion Struck.

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I love that. And thank you for answering that so intentionally. I want to take you now, Jess, to the airport. And you're about ready to board a plane. And I have been where you were. You are well known for being the founder and CEO of Simply Be Agency. When I came out of doing my Fortune 50 roles, I started a company where I was

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doing fractional leadership roles before they were in the mainstream like today and i built this thing up to eight figure plus in revenue and i was completely and utterly burned out, bored. The last thing I wanted to do was to step into another company. And I finally came to this realization that I was spending so much time making other people's dreams come true and making them money.

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I wasn't focusing on what I had been called to do. And I needed a new identity, but I didn't know how to find it. And so I used this kind of to introduce, you've at this point had reached a profound burnout. You were feeling hollow from the inside out, which I completely can relate to because I felt so numb at one point in my life. It's not something I would wish on anyone.

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And lastly, if you prefer watching these conversations, all our episodes are available on our YouTube channels where you can catch the videos and share them with others in your life who are passionate about growth. Today, I'm excited to bring you a conversation that promises to reshape how you view personal growth, relationships, and living with purpose. My guest is Jessica Zweig.

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Can you talk about that pivotal moment, boarding that plane to Cairo and how stepping away from the hustle helped you reconnect with purpose and light?

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best-selling author of The Light Work, whose transformative approach to inner and outer light has empowered countless individuals to unlock their infinite potential. Through her work, Jess guides us to navigate our inner shadows with self-responsibility and harness the energy of our light, allowing us to heal, connect more deeply, and create a life of alignment and authenticity. In our discussion,

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Well, it's an important aspect and I can't do your book justice, but it's your experiences that happened in Egypt, which you had some profound moments in the temples that you visited that your soul family came to you and told you you needed to spread this mission that you're doing now. So it's a real compelling part.

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And you and I have just talked about part one of your book, which you call Inner Light. The next part is called Outer Light. And then the third part is called Future Light. And I wanted to use this to introduce Outer Light. You start off this section with a quote that goes, when you step into the thing you are, the world does not burn.

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but glows more brightly with the light you bring, which is so true to everything that we've been discussing here today. But you then go on here and you talk about the kind of our soul family. And can you explain the importance of the soul family and maybe relate it to that quote?

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Jess takes us through her unique framework for activating our inner light, providing actionable insights into navigating life's darkness with self responsibility and empowerment. In part one of the interview, Jessica delves into our inner light, encouraging us to confront and heal from past traumas, break free from emotional constraints, and tap into our innate strength.

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Yeah, I'm just going to jump in because it's exactly when people ask me about PassionStruck and what it means to become PassionStruck, it's really the same thing. When you step into who you were supposed to be, your life just explodes in positivity and in spiritual awakening, so to speak.

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This segment will resonate with anyone on the journey of self-discovery, grappling with their inner challenges and looking for ways to heal and harness their full power. In part two of our conversation, Jessica brings us to the outer light, revealing how our relationships from family dynamics to friendships to financial ties shape our journey.

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Thank you so much for sharing that. And we don't have time to go through much more of this chapter, but I'll tell people if they want to read the book, you talk about self-love as a foundation, you go into romantic relationships, you go into our relationship with money in our career and healing our connection with others and the importance of female friendships, et cetera.

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She'll share with us how self-love can become the foundation for healthier connections and why understanding our worth is essential for creating a fulfilling life. This part is key for listeners who want to create deeper connections in their lives and understand the role they play in their own healing and growth.

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So those are all things that people can deep dive by buying your book. I want to fast forward to future light because this had so many parallels to my own book, Passion Struck, because in it I take people through these five different plateaus on their journey to becoming passion struck. And at the end of it, what I'm really trying to get people to do is to consciously engage in their lives.

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I think we are facing an epidemic of the disease of disconnection. And the thing we're most disconnected with is ourselves.

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And it's impossible for us to be lightworkers. If we don't know who we are and we don't have that strong relationship with who we are, because to me, to understand how to do the future light, you've got to identify and define your personal mission and purpose. One of the things that I thought was intriguing in this is combining creation, calling and cause.

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You describe how each of us has a unique blend of those three things, creation, calling, and cause. Could you share with our listeners and viewers how they can explore and align these elements?

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Finally, in part three of the conversation, Future Light, Jessica discusses our mission as lightworkers, individuals who consciously live to spread light and purpose. Jessica's insights into living our soul's calling, reframing challenges, and finding abundance within are invaluable for those ready to step fully into their purpose.

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Which you refer to as Gaia.

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So I'm going to close out our interview with this quote from your book, which I thought is a great way to bring everything together, especially since you just talked about the planet. You write... The way you help to restore the planet is by restoring yourself first. The way you heal the planet is by healing yourself first.

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And the way you activate this planet into more light is by activating yourself first. Such a profound quote, Jess. Thank you. Thank you so much for joining us today. Where's the best place that people can go to learn more about you?

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Whether you're seeking ways to transform your career, align with your calling, or become a catalyst for change, Jessica's perspective will empower you. For the PassionStruck community, this conversation is a call to expand our consciousness, to find the courage to step out of our comfort zones, and to eliminate our lives in ways we may have never imagined.

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Well, thank you. And one last person I had to mention was Amy Lee McCree, who said you have to get Jess on your show.

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Well, thank you so much.

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The honor was mine. Thank you so much. What an illuminating and heartfelt conversation with Jessica Zweig. From embracing both light and shadow to navigating personal growth and self-responsibility and empowerment, today's interview has been a masterclass in stepping into our authentic purpose and power.

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Jess's framework for reclaiming our light is a powerful reminder that we are not just connected to the light, we are the light. By remembering who we truly are, we can heal, create deeper connections, and live a life of alignment and fulfillment. As we wrap up, I encourage you to reflect on how you can bring more light into your own life.

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Whether it's confronting a personal shadow, cultivating self-love, or stepping into your unique mission, Jess's insights offer practical ways to take that next step towards transformation. If Jess's message resonated with you, please leave us a five-star rating and review. Your feedback helps us continue to bring these... impactful conversations to the PassionStruck community.

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And if you know someone who could benefit from Jess's wisdom, share this episode with them. A single conversation can spark profound change. You can find links to everything discussed today, including Jess's book, The Light Work, in the show notes at PassionStruck.com.

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The video version is also available on YouTube, and don't forget to check out our sponsors and deals at passionstruck.com slash deals. Supporting those who support the show keeps us bringing these invaluable conversations to you. Before we close, I want to remind you that I'm passionate about sharing these insights with organizations and teams through speaking engagements.

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If today's episode resonated with you and you think my message could inspire your team or company, head over to johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn more. Let's work together to create intentional change and ignite growth. Next episode, I am so excited to bring you a fascinating conversation with George Aplin, a business transformation expert and innovator.

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George will share actionable strategies for navigating career shifts, embracing change, and staying aligned with your purpose through every stage of life. You don't want to miss it.

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I'm so excited to dive into this transformative journey with Jessica Zweig. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life now. Let that journey begin. Passion Struck family, I am so excited to welcome Jessica Zweig to the Passion Struck podcast. Welcome, Jess. How are you today?

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Until then, remember the fee for the show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who could benefit. And as always, apply what you hear so that you can live what you listen. Until next time, live life passion-struck.

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Well, Jess, I reached out to you because I'm a fan of your podcast, the Spiritual Hustler podcast. And I thought I would start there because I find spiritual hustler is an interesting term. Where did you come up with that? And what does it mean to you?

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I love it. And what an amazing show you have created. And I love how you interview your guests. So I highly encourage my audience to check you out.

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So I want to go into an area that I quite honestly have never talked about before on this show, and that is body dysmorphia. I grew up as a kid. facing weight challenges my entire adolescence until I got into high school and I picked up cross-country running and it changed my whole life.

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But I remember throughout my entire childhood having so low esteem and being bullied and teased about my weight and just Feeling like there was nothing I could do to make the situation better. I now look back and I realize it was the diet that I was exposed to growing up and carb overload and sugar and all those other things.

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But at the time, when you're eight, nine, 10 years old, you don't even realize it. As I understand it, you yourself face these same issues and you had a defining event happen to you when you just got out of college, if I have it right. And you were an aspiring actress and you got this incredible audition and it blew up in your face, so to speak. Can you talk about that?

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome back to episode 544 of the passion struck podcast.

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What if managing stress wasn't about numbing it, but learning how to live through it intentionally and without shame? Today, I'm joined by someone who's redefining how we think about anxiety, Humble the Poet. He's a former elementary school teacher turned international bestselling author, spoken word artist, and creative force.

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Yeah, what you just said reminded me of one of the lines that really stuck with me. And that is, you wrote, I hate that you had to pick up this book. And I think we all hate that we have to pick up the book, but anxiety has become such a universal struggle affecting all components of life from the oldest people in society to Gen Alpha. It's just incredible.

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So we're going to talk about some of the ways to confront it throughout our discussion. But I wanted to go back to something you were talking about earlier. I happened to interview Dr. Sandra Matz, who's a professor at Columbia. And she wrote this recent book about digital psychology. And she starts her book out by talking about how she was born in a small village in Germany.

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And everyone in this village knew everything about her. Like when she lost her cat, everyone knew about it. When she got into a motorcycle accident, for better or worse, everyone knew about it. But throughout all of it, she always felt like she mattered. And you write and share in the book that your parents grew up in villages without electricity.

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Your mother felt nostalgic when she visited a small town in Kenya. And that sense of belonging to a tight-knit community is something that, as you brought up, now that we're in this global village, feel very disconnected from today. How do you think modern isolation is contributing to our anxiety? It's something you and I talked about before we even came on the show.

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And what's your advice to the listeners on how they can build community in their own life?

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In his latest book, Unanxious, 50 Simple Truths to Help Overthinkers Feel Less Stress and More Calm, Humble invites us into a deeply personal journey, offering fresh, actionable truths for navigating modern life with more grace, resilience, and self-compassion.

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Yeah. As I was thinking, you thinking through all the stuff that you were just saying, one thing that I have learned that I think is so important for people to understand is we've gotten to this point where we think

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In our conversation, we explore how modern society fuels our anxiety, why connection is a non-negotiable for emotional well-being, and how to trade shame for self-trust. We also dive into the high achievers anxiety trap and why so many of us mistake productivity for self-growth.

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connection our bonds are earned and what people don't realize they're not earned they have to be built and when you don't take the effort to build them they collapse and that is what has happened is over time they have collapsed and this constant pressure for individualism that you brought up that all the social networks are just driving down our throat is just making it worse.

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Yeah, it just strikes me that when I think about the early days of the Biden administration, he was really pushing for an infrastructure bill to fix the infrastructure problems that we have throughout the United States, meaning bridges that haven't been taken care of for decades, roads that have potholes in them. And I don't know if anyone's driven across the country.

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lately, but there are a lot of roads that are in really bad shape, bridges, other infrastructure. And the same thing comes as you're talking about to our relationships. If you don't keep maintaining that infrastructure, what's happening to the infrastructures in America where you and I live start crumbling. Same thing.

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But before we dive in, don't miss last week's conversations with organizational psychologist Dr. Tasha York on building unshakable resilience, Stanford's Gregory Walton on the hidden power of social belonging, and Christy Smith on how to live with deep authenticity and truth.

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No, absolutely. So Humble, one of the things you talk about in the book is the unlearn project, which is based on this idea that learning is never ending. And it's one of the things I always loved Tim, Tom Billy, who talks about all the time is that we are the ultimate learning machines. It's something I wrote about in my first book as well.

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What's something you had to unlearn about anxiety while you were writing this book?

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If you're new to PassionStruck, explore our curated starter packs on Spotify or visit passionstruck.com slash starter packs. Want more exclusive content? Subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter. And for full video episodes, check out the PassionStruck YouTube channel. Looking to bring more intention and resilience for your organization or team?

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Visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn how I can help inspire your people toward real transformation. Now, let's get started on this powerful conversation about managing anxiety, building inner strength, and showing up as your most authentic self. Let's dive in with Humble the Poet.

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Two of the quotes from your book that resonated with me with what you were just discussing are you share an analogy about a houseplant wilting under the sink and you say, you can water it all you want, but without sunlight, it's just wanting to die.

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And that really made me think about how much of our anxiety really comes from our internal struggles versus external environments that simply aren't nourishing us. But the other thing that made me really think about is one of my favorite quotes was this. You're not anxious. You're just living in an anxious world.

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How you touched on this a little bit, but if you could share or unpack like one big idea for the audience, how do we navigate an environment that constantly feeds our stress?

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely thrilled today to welcome Humble, the poet, to Passion Struck. Welcome, Humble. Thank you so much for having me, John. I have to just congratulate you on your new book, Unanxious.

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The subtitle is 50 Simple Truths to Help Overthinkers Feel Less Stress and More Calm. Congratulations on its release.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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I really appreciate that. We're going to be diving more into the book throughout our conversation today, but I'd love to open these conversations with a thought-provoking question. We all have defining moments. I call them in our lives that influence who we become. I was hoping you might be able to share a defining moment for you.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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, , , , P P P P P P P P gener gener gener gener gener gener gener gener gener gener gener gener gener

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Thank you so much for sharing that, Humble. Last question I wanted to ask you before we wrap up is, if Unanxious had a thesis statement, one single idea that you hope sticks with readers long after they finish it, what would it be?

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Well, thank you so much for sharing that. And I have to say, when I think about myself, I've never really considered myself to be a teacher. In fact, it's something that I really feel like I struggle with. How do you come up with the lesson plans? How do you make sure that what you're saying is really reaching the audience?

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And I think one of the things I did when I first started this podcast is I felt like I was talking at the audience. instead of talking with them and bringing them more into it. So they felt the emotion and there was a deeper connection and I still have a long way to go, but it's those who do it well. It is such an important art for people to understand.

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I think that ties so well to how you end your book. You write, we may not have all the answers, but we can choose how we respond to life's uncertainties. So embrace the chaos. And remember, life's too short to let anxiety steal your joy.

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So I'm just grateful you were a teacher and trying to help shape lives because Lord knows we need good teachers.

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Humble, I can completely relate to everything you just said, because me getting on podcasts as my book was coming out was so much more difficult being a top podcaster than I ever expected it to be. So it must have brought you joy when I reached out to you.

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Well, Humboldt, my honor. And it was so incredible to have you here. Best of luck on the launch of the book. And I hope through this, we develop a friendship that extends beyond the podcast. Most definitely. Thank you so much for joining. Cheers. I appreciate it. That's a wrap on a powerful conversation with Humble the Poet.

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I hope this episode left you feeling seen, understood, and a little less alone. One of the biggest takeaways from today's discussion, there's nothing wrong with you for feeling anxious. In fact, it's a natural response to an overwhelming world. But instead of silencing the signal, Humble shows us how to listen to it, reframe it, and use it as a guide for growth.

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We explored the idea that modern life has become a fast food version of connection, leaving us emotionally undernourished. Humble challenges us to reclaim community, prioritize real belonging, and stop shooting ourselves into exhaustion. As he put it, you can't shame a caterpillar into becoming a butterfly faster. He also introduced a powerful mindset shift.

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Instead of fearing rejection, lean into it, practice it, get comfortable being uncomfortable, because that's how resilience is built. So I want to leave you with three questions. Where are you mistaking anxiety for failure instead of seeing it as a signal? How can you start building authentic connections, not fast food ones?

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And what's one area in your life where you can replace shame with curiosity? If you found value in this episode, I encourage you to pick up Humble's book, Unanxious. The link to the book and more resources are in the show notes at passionstruck.com. Looking to bring more intention and resilience to your team or organization?

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Then sign up for my weekly newsletter where I include tips, challenges, and ideas on how to drive your team to newer heights. If you enjoyed today's episode, a five-star review goes such a long way in helping PassionStruck reach more people. And if someone you know is struggling with anxiety or burnout, share this episode with them. It might just be the message they need to hear.

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Coming up next, a mind-expanding episode with Dr. Emily Falk on how the brain processes influence and how to use that knowledge to spread meaningful change. You won't want to miss it.

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Thank you for being here, for being curious, and for choosing to live intentionally. The fee for the show is simple. If you found it valuable, share it. Until next time, live life passion-struck.

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So Hamal, this isn't part of anything I scripted out for today's discussion. I have to go a little bit deeper with you here because I think it's an important topic. You just brought up something so important. You said as a teacher, one of the things that you're trying to do is to make the kids feel seen, to feel heard, to feel significant, which is the essence really of matter.

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And when I think about schools today, and now my kids have grown up, they're 21 and 26, but I remember as they were growing up and going through the school system, it just seems like in so many ways they're being conditioned to do the opposite in so many ways. We have standardized tests that break people of being creative.

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Kids, instead of feeling comfortable about speaking their mind and giving the answer that comes top of their head and being inquisitive, get conditioned to give the answer that they think the teacher wants to hear, or they're embarrassed to do it in front of their classmates. And I could go on and on, but I'd love your perspective on this.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, PassionStruck fam, welcome to episode 595.

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Yeah, to me, it's almost like we become very good at preparing our kids to be controlled because all the systems that you're talking about are trying to control us, control our attention, control our buying habits, control the type of clothing we want, control the type of car we want. It's all a control mechanism.

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And when we give up our creativity and our free thinking, a lot of that goes to the wayside. Even governments control us.

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Whether you've been with us for a while or you're tuning in for the first time, I am absolutely thrilled you're here. You're now part of a global movement dedicated to unlocking your potential, forging resilience, and making what truly matters matter most. Let me ask you, what if your anxiety isn't a flaw to fix, but a signal to understand?

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That's great. And I want to direct us back to an anxious your book. And I really found it interesting how you started it with a powerful grounding exercise on clench your jaw, gently take your tongue off the roof of your mouth and let it rest. Why did you feel it was important to start the book that way?

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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You have just joined a global community focused on igniting purpose and living boldly with intention, and we're thrilled to have you with us. Before we dive in, let's take a quick moment to recap last week's inspiring episodes. On Tuesday, New Year's Eve, I sat down with Shira Gill to explore the art of simplifying your life.

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And on Thursday, Carrie Leibowitz opened the year by sharing her insights on thriving during life's darkest seasons. If you missed either of those episodes, be sure to check them out. And don't forget, if you're ready to dive even deeper, our episode starter packs are here to help. With over 550 episodes, it can be overwhelming to know where to start with the podcast.

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Yeah, as I was researching, preparing for this interview, I was looking more and more into the documentary and reading some of the reviews that came out. And one that caught my attention was in IndieWire. And it says, you attempt to find the root cause of your mom's dementia, but the documentary ends up shedding light on how helpless we ultimately are when decline comes for us.

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And I thought the way that they phrased this was really unfair because I I don't think that's what you're trying to portray with the film at all or your work. I think you, like I, were trying to tell how people to live differently so that they can take steps to prevent it coming in the first place. Is that a better way to think of it?

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So we've curated playlists on themes like holistic health, nutrition, mental and emotional wellness, spiritual healing, lifestyle health, and behavioral science. You can find them on Spotify or by visiting passionstruck.com slash starter packs for weekly inspiration and actionable tips. Be sure to sign up for my live intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com.

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It's packed with exclusive content and tools to help you put the lessons from our episodes into practice. And if you prefer watching these conversations, all our episodes are available on our YouTube channel, where you can catch the videos and share them with others in your life who are passionate about growth.

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Thank you for sharing that. And one of the people I want to introduce this to is my uncle, who was a researcher at Northwestern University for many years, and you'll find this interesting. His research was focused on the families of those who were experiencing dementia and what does dementia's ripple effects do to family systems and caregivers and loved ones.

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So I'm sure this this will be a topic he would very much love to watch and be part of. So going through this and interviewing all the people that you did, what are some of the biggest misconceptions that people might have about cognitive decline? And how did you aim to address or correct those narratives?

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Now let's talk about our episode today, where I'm thrilled to have Max Lugavere join us. Max is a journalist, filmmaker, podcaster, and New York Times bestselling author. who's become one of the most respected voices in health and wellness.

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Max's work was born out of a deeply personal experience, watching his mother battle a neurodegenerative disease, a journey that transformed his life and sent him on a mission to understand how we can protect and optimize our brain and body health. A journey that transformed his life and sent him on a mission to understand how we can protect and optimize our brain and body health.

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Okay, and Max, I have a follow up question for you around these misconceptions, but I'm going to spend this a little bit different way. One of your major goals has been to make brain health a topic of interest for younger audiences. And you've just talked about how over time we have the opportunity to change our trajectory, which is something I completely support as well.

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Why is it so critical for people in their 20s and 30s to take proactive steps now? And where would be some of the easiest starting points for them to focus on?

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What began with a passion has evolved into the Genius series of books, including Genius Foods and the Genius Life, and his popular podcast, The Genius Life, which I'm a big fan of, where he distills cutting edge research and actionable strategies for a healthier, more vibrant life. In today's conversation, we'll explore the groundbreaking findings from his documentary Little Empty Boxes.

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Yeah. And if you had to name a few non-negotiables for people who want to protect their brain through nutrition, what would some of those be?

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Max shares how our modern world has left our brains and bodies in despair and provides insights into how simple, intentional changes in nutrition, sleep, movement, and even our home environments can help us reclaim our energy, fix anxiety and fatigue, and boost cognitive performance.

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Think of that another way is if you go in the supermarket, shop around the center of the store. Shop around it.

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We'll discuss his journey from personal pain to professional purpose, the myths and misconception about cognitive decline, the power of resetting our bodies to their natural state, and how small, consistent changes can create lasting impacts on our mental and physical well-being.

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Whether you're looking to optimize your health, boost your mental clarity, or understand how your daily habits influence your long-term brain health, this episode is packed with with actionable insights. Here's my conversation with Max Lugavere. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life.

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Well, Max, I'm just going to give a shout out to the audience that if they want to dive deeper into some of the topics that you discussed earlier this year, I did a whole bunch of interviews covering all sides of this. Gabrielle Lyon really did deep dive on protein.

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I had Terry Walls and Morley Robbins, Cynthia Thurlow, Chris Kenobi, Eric Edmeades talking about many of the other things that you covered. So I want to go into the topic of choices because this is something that I talk a lot about on the podcast. You've written and talked a lot about how our choices in diet and lifestyle can transform our lives.

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What I want to ask you is a little bit different twist to this. How do you think this connects to living a purpose-driven, intentional life, which is a key theme of the podcast?

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Now, let that journey begin. I am so excited today to welcome Max Lugavere to PassionStruck. Welcome, Max.

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Max, thanks so much for joining us on Passion Struck. As I mentioned to you, I've been a huge fan of the Genius Life, all your books and the podcast, the documentaries that you've done, including your newest one, which we're going to get into today. Your journey is such an incredible example of turning pain into a purpose-driven mission that has ended up impacting so many lives.

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Max, if there's one mindset shift or habit for someone who's listened to today's episode, you hope that listener adopts after hearing our episode, what would it be?

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So that's where I want to start. I want to go to what ignited your journey for you, your mother's diagnosis and the profound effect it had on your life. Can you take us back to 2011 when everything changed for you and share how it's ended up shaping the direction, not only of your work, but your life?

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Well, Max, it's been a pleasure to have you on the show today. Where can our audience go to learn more about your work, whether it's your books, podcast, or little empty boxes?

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Max, thank you so much for being here. As a long-term fan of your work, it's truly an honor to have you on the show. Thanks so much, John. It was a real privilege. Wow. What an incredible conversation with Max Lugavere.

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From uncovering the impact of nutrition and lifestyle on brain health to understanding how we can reset our bodies and minds to their factory settings, today's episode has been packed with actionable insights and profound wisdom. Max's personal journey from adversity to advocacy is not only inspiring, but also a

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powerful reminder that small intentional changes can lead to monumental shifts in our health and well-being as we wrap up i encourage you to reflect on the key takeaways from today's episode whether it's making simple adjustments to your diet prioritizing better sleep reducing the toxins in your environment max's message is clear it's never too late to reclaim your cognitive and physical health

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Start where you are and take the first step toward a genius life. If Max's insights resonated with you, please take a moment to leave us a five-star rating and review. Your support helps us reach even more people with these impactful conversations. And if you know someone who could benefit from this episode, share it with them. A single conversation can truly change a life.

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You can find links to everything we discussed today, including Max's books, Genius Foods, The Genius Life, and Genius Kitchen, as well as his podcast, The Genius Life, and his documentary, in the show notes at passionstruck.com. The video version of this episode is available on our YouTube channels. And don't forget to check out our sponsors and deals at passionstruck.com slash deals.

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Supporting our sponsors helps keep the show thriving. Before we close, I want to remind you that I'm passionate about sharing these insights with organizations and teams through speaking engagements. Let's work together to create intentional change and ignite growth. You can find more at johnrmiles.com slash speaking. Now, here's a sneak peek at what's coming up next on PassionStruck.

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I will be joined by Esther Dyson, entrepreneur, investor, and founder of Wellville. Esther is a visionary thinker who's dedicating her life to solving some of our most pressing health and societal changes.

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In this episode, we'll explore her groundbreaking work in creating long-term community-based health initiatives, her thoughts on the loneliness epidemic, and how we can foster greater belonging and well-being in our lives and communities. Esther's insights on aligning purpose with impact are both inspiring and actionable. You won't want to miss this powerful and thought-provoking conversation.

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And as always, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who could benefit from it. And remember, apply what you hear so that you can live what you listen. Until next time, live life passion-struck.

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck.

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Well, thanks for going into that. And it's interesting, you and I share a lot of commonalities, even though we've gone about it a different way. We've both ended up getting into the health sphere because of personal stories, personal things that have happened. For me, I remember, you probably know Stephen Cabral. Stephen was, the Cabral concept is his podcast. And he was interviewing me.

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He goes, John, how in the heck did you get to be one of the top health podcasts? And I said, it was me search. I had in the military and outside of the military had a number of traumatic brain injuries, and I was starting to have cognitive decline and fog and everything else. To me, it started to come down to the choices that I was making. I could choose to eat better.

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I could choose to get more sleep. I could choose not to drink alcohol. I could choose to exercise regularly. I could choose to take more omega threes, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And those choices were all leading me to a better outcome. And the more I doubled down on them, the better I felt and eventually overcame a lot of the symptoms that I was feeling. And then, uh,

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I tack onto that my sister at 46 then was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And so we were wondering how does someone at 46 come down with this when there's no family history or anything else? So I started doubling down into that. So my point of this is similar to you. I'm not classically trained as a physician or anything else, but I've used a lot of me search

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and research to really wrap my head around what are the things that are going on. So getting back to dementia, this is very personal for me from two standpoints. My fiance's mom is in the early stages of it, but I was a little bit older than you, probably 34 or 35. when my grandfather came down with dementia.

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Hey, passion struck fam, welcome back to episode 556 of the passion struck podcast. I am so grateful for your continued energy, passion and commitment to living a more intentional life week after week, you show up ready to elevate yourselves. And that's what makes this community so powerful. If you're joining us for the first time, welcome to the Passion Struck family.

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And for me, it was just heartbreaking because here you have a guy that at one point was the head of research at Kraft Foods, one of the smartest human beings I had ever seen. And he couldn't remember things from 30 seconds to the next 30 seconds. And just watching his decline for me, it was heartbreaking as I described.

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So I sympathize having a dear one like you did have to go through this because it's difficult and you get mad because you don't understand why they're acting the way they are at first at the beginning. So I want to take this to Little Empty Boxes. Can you talk about how you came up with that name and maybe give a high level overview of your approach to creating it?

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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This month, we're in the middle of a transformative arc, one that centers on a truth we don't talk about enough. Mental health is not a side note. It's the root system of a meaningful life. Last Friday, I released a solo episode exploring why emotional wellbeing isn't just about managing stress or coping with anxiety. It's about building a sustainable, values-aligned life

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I understand it. I just wanted to explore it to see if there was a hidden thing there that might become apparent. But I understand why it can become so difficult.

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that doesn't run you dry. I shared the mattering mental health loop, the hidden costs of ignoring your inner world and why seeking emotional support isn't weakness, it's capacity. That conversation set the foundation for what's ahead. We kicked off the week with two powerful episodes.

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And I wanted to go from there really into religion and the impact of religion. In your book, How God Changes Your Brain, you discuss how the concept of God varies across cultures and individuals. But throughout history, religion has really impacted billions of people's feeling about

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I would say why they feel they belong in a community, why they matter to others, why they have construct that's influencing their life. How does your research around these religious practices and beliefs show that religion shapes our brains and fosters a sense of connection?

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First, a live interview with Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project and Secrets of Adulthood, recorded in front of 200 passionate listeners. We explored how self-awareness, identity, and the small truths of adulthood can reshape the way we show up for ourselves and others. Then came Elizabeth Weingarten, whose thought-provoking new book,

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So based on what you just said, it leads to a lot of areas of exploration that I want to dive into. The first one I want to go into is how you were talking about two individuals talking. And it's interesting. I recently interviewed Alison Woodbrooks, who does behavioral science research at Harvard and specifically studies communication.

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invites us to rethink our relationship with uncertainty and discover how living the questions can unlock courage, creativity and deeper connection. If you miss those, go back. They lay the emotional and intellectual groundwork for today's episode. If you miss those, go back.

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And when we were talking, she was saying that we are really losing this art of listening. And the way we listen to someone makes us feel either seen or unseen. As you were describing, when we're really in an in-depth conversation where we're listening to each other, it's almost like we're holding up a mirror

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to the other person where we see a part of ourself in them because there's so much commonality in everyone. But when people are so disconnected today and they're not doing that level of connection, what do you think it's doing to us over time?

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They lay the emotional and intellectual groundwork for today's episode and for this entire series on psychological resilience and inner clarity. And before we dive in, I want to pause and say thank you because your support continues to fuel this mission and amplify this message. Passion Struck was just named the number three life leadership podcast ever.

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Does not. So the next thing I wanted to explore on this, because I think what you just said about communication is very accurate, is religion affiliation has been something that's gone up and down over generations.

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And right now we are seeing a significant drop in religious affiliation we have for a number of years, and it's been most profound among younger generations where we're also seeing a huge rise in depression and other things.

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From your perspective, why do you believe people are leaving organized religions and what does this tell us about the evolving sense for meaning and purpose that people are striving for?

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by Million Podcast, alongside the Jocko Podcast and the School of Greatness. And we're honored to have won the Gold Stevie Award for Best Independent Podcast at the 2025 American Business Awards. If you're new here, we've made it easy to explore our most impactful ideas. Check out our episode starter packs at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or on Spotify.

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It is, and why I'm trying to ask all these questions is I was recently reviewing the belonging barometer. I'm not sure if you've ever seen this, but created by the American Immigration Council. And it's showing that 64% of Americans feel excluded at work. 74% of people feel excluded in their communities.

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The most telling thing to me is it showed that 17% of people feel that they lack meaning at any time in their lives. And then you look at what's happening with the loneliness epidemic, and there's no doubt these two are tied together. So it's interesting because I was recently interviewing Sandra Matz, who put out this book about AI and algorithms, etc.,

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But we really got in this deep discussion of how throughout history we've grown up in villages, tribal communities. But now we're really living in a global community.

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And so we've gone from what you've been describing as these rituals and religious beliefs that were in these small communities to now people are being exposed to this global village where there are also nefarious characters and a lot of people who don't really believe for good or bad that you matter to them like you would have found in that smaller village.

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So do you think that movement from the villages we found in work, the villages we found in our church environment, the villages in the smaller towns that we lived in compared to this global village is part of this crisis that we're facing now as society is moving from one to the other?

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Curated playlists on purpose, emotional mastery, self-leadership, and more. Want to go deeper? Join the Ignition Room, our private community for high performers and deep thinkers. And head over to our YouTube channel. where you'll find full video episodes, highlight reels, and exclusive bonus content. Now, let's talk about today's episode.

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I want to go further into the topic of myths. I've recently been reading Neuval's, Neuval's recent book Nexus, and he spends a lot of it as he's exploring how the history of information, how myths have played a role in that from the Jewish tradition of Passover to me being a Catholic and how

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Jesus was created by the church based on likely a rabbi with a smaller following, but they use that image of his life to create a whole church around it. And I showed you before we got on this book, the power of myth, which I love reading by Joseph Campbell.

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And I started reading this when I was in my mid thirties, because at this time I was going through this intense study of the Bible called discipleship one, two, and three.

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and what i found was that i was having a very hard time interpreting the bible and luckily i had a pastor at the time who had a degree in theology but he also had a phd in history and he would take the myths from the bible and he'd present them to us in modern day times so that we could make we could cross that bridge so to speak

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And one of the things I think Joseph Campbell says or the way I interpreted in this book is part of the reason people are losing connection to some of the religions is because the myths no longer apply to them in modern day, meaning they're based on cultures from thousands of years ago and people are having a hard time understanding the myths and applying it to modern day life.

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What if your brain was biologically wired for awe, purpose, and connection? What if spiritual experience wasn't just a feeling, but a neural pattern with profound psychological benefits? And what if understanding belief could help us heal? Today, I'm joined by Dr. Andrew Newberg, a pioneer in the emerging field of neurotheology, where neuroscience meets spirituality.

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Do you think that bears true in any way?

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And I wanted to go into your work on transcendence. So you have done a lot of work with, we've mentioned David Yadin, but also Jonathan Haidt, Dave Vago, Professor Hood, Scott Berry Kaufman, et cetera. And as I was reading some of the research papers a long time ago, it really shaped my view in the different forms of transcendence and then specifically the science of awe.

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Dr. Newberg is the director of research at the Marcus Institute of Integrative Health and the author of the acclaimed books like How God Changes Your Brain, Why We Believe What We Believe, and the Varieties of Spiritual Experience. His research reveals what happens in the brain during meditation,

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And where I'm going with this is I had a conversation with Dacher Keltner about 18 months ago that came from his book, Awe. And one of the most profound revelations from that was him finding that we find awe most commonly during what he calls moments of moral beauty, where people show compassion or kindness. How has your own...

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Research found something similar that those acts of moral beauty can bring about awe or transcendence more often than other ways we might be able to experience it.

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prayer and mystical states, and how those experiences influence our wellbeing, our identity, and our capacity to feel whole. In this conversation, we explore the science of belief and why it matters for mental health, how meditation and mindfulness reshape our neural pathways, why spiritual connection can build psychological resilience,

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Andrew, the reason I was asking it is for people who I think there are billions of them now who are feeling disconnected, insignificant, lonely. I was just wondering if using transcendence and an easier way to find it could create a greater sense of mattering in their lives. That's where I was going.

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And if moral beauty was an easier way to access it, could that by showing compassion, by showing kindness, could that trigger it more often and make them regain mattering? But it sounds like there, from what you just described, there are many ways and it depends on the person.

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Well, and that's one of the reasons I've been so excited to have you, Dave Vago, and Lisa Miller on the show to really explore how our spiritual health impacts our overall health. And I know we've got to close now, Andrew, and it was such an honor to have you on the show. If listeners want to learn more about your work and all the books that you've written, where's the best place for them to go?

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and what the latest brain science tells us about mattering, transcendence, and meaning. Whether you're a skeptic, a seeker, or someone in between, this is a conversation that bridges science and soul. So let's dive in. Here's my conversation with the brilliant Dr. Andrew Newberg.

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Well, thank you so much for being on the show today. It was such an honor to have you. Thanks so much. And that's a wrap on this powerful conversation with Dr. Andrew Newberg.

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From the neuroscience of belief to the healing power of spiritual practice, to how our brains help us make meaning even in the face of suffering, today's episode reminds us of something deeply human, that the search for purpose isn't abstract, it's biological, that faith

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awe and wonder aren't soft, they're scientifically essential, and that feeling connected to something greater than ourselves is what gives life its shape, coherence, and vitality. As you reflect on this episode, here are a few key takeaways to carry with you. Our brains are wired for belief, and those beliefs can profoundly shape our emotional and physical well-being.

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Practices like meditation, prayer, and gratitude don't just make us feel better, they literally rewire the brain towards resilience. Spirituality, whether religious or secular, is a vital tool for navigating trauma, uncertainty, and meaning-making. And the more we understand the relationship between mind, mattering, and mystery, the more equipped we are to build lives of intention and inner peace.

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Dr. Newberg's research is a bridge between science and soul, and his work offers a framework for anyone seeking healing, depth, and clarity. If today's conversation resonated with you, I encourage you to check out his books, especially The Varieties of Spiritual Experience. You'll find links in the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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If you're new to the podcast, don't forget our curated episode starter packs at Spotify or passionstruck.com slash starter packs. Want to keep the conversation going? Join the Ignition Room, our private community for high performers seeking intentional growth. If you found value in today's episode, I'd love it if you leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

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It helps us grow and reach more people who are ready to live more intentionally. Coming up next on Passion Struck, I sit down with Dr. Tiffany Moon, a physician, entrepreneur, and advocate for a heartfelt conversation about identity burnout and what it truly means to lead with authenticity in a high performance world.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely thrilled and honored today to have Dr. Andrew Newberg on PassionStruck. Welcome, Andrew.

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Until then, live boldly, lead with intention, and as always, live life passion struck.

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I love it when I have a fellow Pennsylvania person on the show because we get what it was like to grow up in that great state. And I understand as you were growing up, you developed this deep interest in science, astronomy, and the systems of the body as a child.

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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And I wanted to ask you, looking back, was there a moment that you felt pulled towards understanding how humans matter in the larger universe?

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So one of the things that you have studied for years is neurotheology. And I was hoping for the listeners who might not be familiar with that term, what is that the study of and what has your work

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey, PassionStruck fam. Welcome to episode 607.

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Well, and to build on that, much of your work explores the brain processes and how those processes bring about meaning and purpose. From a neurological perspective, why is the need to matter such a fundamental part of the human experience?

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Whether this is your first time tuning in or you've been with us from the start, I am so grateful you're here. Together, we're building a global movement rooted in one powerful idea. You don't have to settle. You can live with intention, lead with purpose, and make what truly matters matter most.

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Yeah. What you were just describing reminds me of some of the work of the late Emile Bruneau, who was trying to look at conflict and how do you humanize the other side? Is that in some ways what you're referring to?

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I wanted to ask as a follow-up to that, I know you have done a ton of work along with David Yadin and others examining fMRIs, PET scans, etc. Does the mind look different for someone who has a deep sense of meaning versus someone who feels isolated, lost, disconnected?

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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How do we reclaim a sense of purpose in a world that often leaves us feeling invisible? And how can we align our lives with the deeper truths that bring fulfillment, clarity, and lasting joy? That's exactly what we're diving into today with Natalie Namaste.

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I, through the periods of my life, when I've been really immersed in my yoga practice and things like that, I find have been the times that I've been able to see the colors most brightly. And when I'm not as in tune,

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To my inner self, I tend to lose the capability, like for a period of time when I think my life got out of balance and I was chasing the wrong things and experiencing burnout and other things. And this kind of leads me back to your early life. There was a book that came out in 1993 that perhaps many of the people in my audience have never heard of.

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It's called The Celestian Prophecy by James Redfield. And you discovered this when you were in college. So the interesting thing about this book is that in it, it explores this idea that humanity is on the cusp of a major shift in consciousness. And I was hoping you might be able to explain this and how it resonates with your own work.

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a globally recognized intuitive healer, Reiki master teacher, and channeler who has worked with everyone from high-profile leaders to everyday seekers looking to reconnect with their true essence.

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Natalie's life took a profound turn at the age of six when she experienced a spiritual awakening that set her on a lifelong path of helping others remove energetic blocks, heal past traumas, and step into their highest potential. In today's episode, we explore why so many people feel unseen and how to rebuild a deep sense of belonging in your life and relationships.

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How tuning in to your inner guidance system can help you break free from inherited patterns and self-limiting beliefs. We discuss Natalie's approach to releasing emotional and energetic blocks that prevent you from living fully. And then we dive into how to integrate meditation, breathwork and daily rituals to cultivate self-trust, peace and purpose.

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Thank you for sharing that. And it goes right into a follow-on question that came to me. In The Celestian Prophecy, the book also talks a lot about energy, how we give it and receive it. And you were just talking about some of that energy. Why do conflicts arise when people try to control it?

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If you've ever struggled with self-doubt, felt stuck in patterns that no longer serve you or wondered how to create a life that truly aligns with who you are, this conversation is for you. Before we dive in, let's take a moment to reflect on last week's episodes. We have some incredible guests sharing insights that could change how you approach your life.

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On Tuesday, I sat down with Eddie Fishman, author of Choke Points, to discuss the hidden power of global supply chains and how economic warfare is reshaping the world around us. We broke down how control over critical infrastructure impacts global stability, and why understanding these dynamics is crucial in today's interconnected world.

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And on Thursday, Dr. Sandra Matz joined me to explore the fascinating world of digital psychology, how the data we generate every day is being used to influence, predict, and even manipulate our behaviors in ways we don't always realize.

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So I think that is a great lead in to where I wanted to start taking this discussion and that is into our soul's purpose. So over the past year, I've been trying to get gradually more and more experts in spirituality on the show. And I've had Rebecca Rosen, Amy Lee McCree, Dr. Lisa Miller, who studies the science of spirituality, and Susan Grow.

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And one thing that they've all brought up, and it's interesting, I also recently interviewed Sam Wilkinson, who's a doctor and professor at the Yale Medical School. And when I was talking to Sam, he has really been studying evolution and how life is a test.

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And it resonated with something that the other people I mentioned brought up, which is that they are convinced, as they are talking to angels and people's past lives, that what we are doing here on Earth, they call Earth School. And that when we're here, it's really a journey of our soul's purpose. Do you resonate with that earth school metaphor?

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We examine how personality insights are extracted from online behavior and what that means for personal privacy, decision-making, and the future of AI-driven influence. If you haven't checked those out, I highly recommend going back and giving them a listen after today's episode.

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Thank you for sharing that. And a friend of mine recently gifted me this book. It's called The Human Story by Dr. Roger B. Lane. And as I was preparing for our interview, I was reading it and a couple of things struck out and I was going to ask you a couple of questions about them. So along these lines, he writes, We are shown what our true purpose is. It wasn't hidden.

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It wasn't abstracted or obscured. Because of our collective karma, we may not have understood it, just as a child may not understand a parent's love when it does in fact exist. We have also learned that in order for a soul to complete its karmic journeys and return home to the Lord, God, it needs to be able to hold the frequency of the soul realm.

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And if you haven't already, make sure to subscribe to the show and sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com for exclusive insights on living with purpose, clarity, and deep fulfillment. Now, let's get into it. Here's my conversation with Natalie Namaste.

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And we know that souls can only vibrate in the inner worlds at the same frequency at which it could while in the body. So that there needs to be the opportunity while in the body to vibrate at the frequency of the soul realm. As you hear those words how do you interpret that?

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. Hey, passion struck family. I am so honored today to have Natalie Namaste with us. Welcome, Natalie.

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Well, I mean, that really speaks to what he writes later on in the book. He says, we have come to learn that part two of the grand experiment is in place now, and that souls can now, once established in the soul realm, also known as eternal life, progress through the many realms or frequencies above it up to and including the H-U realm, the first manifestation of God while in the body.

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This is the reason the path is named the path of soul transcendence. The soul can rise above the level of being home in the soul realm and can transcend itself, know more of itself while in the body. I think that's what you were just describing.

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One of the questions I love to open episodes with is this one. We all have moments that end up defining us. Some of us get those moments younger in age, some of us get those older in age, you and I happen to share something in common. When we were both five or six years old, we both experienced something profound in our lives.

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So Natalie, thank you for going into that. And this kind of leads me to a core part of the discussion I wanted to get into. Prior to us starting the interview, I told you that I believe that there is an existential crisis of meaning for so many people around the world. It's not just in Western civilization. It's happening everywhere.

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And meaning or mattering is really this feeling that our existence is significant and impactful. And what I believe is that part of our struggle right now with meaning that is causing so many people to feel helpless, the loneliness epidemic, people who are broken, who are lost, a lot of the selfishness that I see people engaged in is really rooted in a disconnection from their spiritual selves.

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And if that is the case, what are your thoughts on how we can start healing this huge divide?

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And I was hoping you might talk about the profound spiritual experience that ended up shifting your consciousness.

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Thank you again for sharing that, Natalie. I wanted to go a little bit deeper into your practice of how you share this light. As I understand it, between the time you were 18 and about 33, you went on a journey of learning everything that you could so that you could be prepared when the time came to start being a teacher.

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And I guess along this path, you encountered several people who told you that you hadn't experienced enough of life yet to be the teacher that you were called to be. So I understand now that you can channel, I think it's 120 angelic beings of light. And some people who might be listening to this, who think spirituality is wacky may be thinking, How in the heck can that be true?

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So what I wanted to ask you, so maybe you can make this real for a listener is what is this process of channeling like for you? And how do these angelic beings come to you? And then how do you maintain clarity and trust in the messages that you receive from them?

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And Natalie, I guess the follow-up to that would be for someone who's listening or watching this podcast, how can they strengthen their connection to their guides and also trust the guidance that they're receiving?

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Natalie Namaste on How to Tap Into Your Solar Plexus Power | EP 580

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And for someone who hasn't experienced Reiki before, it's something that I've done a couple of times and it's a unique experience I have found. How do you describe this process to someone who's never done it before? During the process, what are you trying to do for the person that you're working with?

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Natalie Namaste on How to Tap Into Your Solar Plexus Power | EP 580

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And before the show, you told me that for the audience, you could perform Reiki for them. So I was going to invite you to do that.

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Natalie Namaste on How to Tap Into Your Solar Plexus Power | EP 580

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Natalie, what a beautiful way to end the interview today. If listeners or viewers want to know more about you and your work, where's the best place for them to go?

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Natalie Namaste on How to Tap Into Your Solar Plexus Power | EP 580

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Well, Natalie, thank you so much for joining us today. It was a real pleasure having you.

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Natalie Namaste on How to Tap Into Your Solar Plexus Power | EP 580

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Thank you. That wraps up today's powerful conversation with Natalie Namaste. A deep dive into the power of healing, intentional living, and aligning with your soul's purpose. If this episode resonated with you, take a moment to reflect. Are you honoring your journey and listening to the intuitive wisdom within you? True transformation begins when we embrace our worth and take intentional steps.

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Natalie Namaste on How to Tap Into Your Solar Plexus Power | EP 580

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toward living in alignment with our deepest truths. If you found value in today's conversation, I'd love for you to leave a five-star rating and review. It helps fuel the mission of Passion Struck and ensures we continue bringing you thought-provoking discussions like this one.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Natalie Namaste on How to Tap Into Your Solar Plexus Power | EP 580

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And if someone in your life could benefit from this episode, share it with them, because a single conversation can spark a lifetime of change.

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Natalie Namaste on How to Tap Into Your Solar Plexus Power | EP 580

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for all the resources we discussed including natalie's workshops and upcoming events visit the show notes at passionstruck.com be sure to watch the video version of this episode on youtube and explore exclusive offers from our sponsors at passionstruck.com deals supporting them helps us continue delivering impactful content before we go if today's discussion inspired you and you believe it could benefit your organization team or community

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Natalie Namaste on How to Tap Into Your Solar Plexus Power | EP 580

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Visit JohnRMiles.com slash speaking to learn more about how we can ignite intentional change together. Coming up next, I'm sitting down with Dr. Samuel Wilkinson, Yale professor and author of the book Purpose, What Evolution and Human Nature Imply About the Meaning of Our Existence.

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Natalie Namaste on How to Tap Into Your Solar Plexus Power | EP 580

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And in this discussion, we go over why for generations we've been told that evolution suggests that life has no deeper meaning, that we're simply the result of molecular accidents. But Dr. Wilkinson challenges this assumption, weaving together insights from science, philosophy, and human behavior, to argue that evolution may, in fact, reveal an overarching purpose to our existence.

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We're unpacking these insights and more in this episode, so make sure you subscribe and be ready for another transformative conversation.

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Natalie Namaste on How to Tap Into Your Solar Plexus Power | EP 580

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And remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value today, share it with someone who needs to hear it. Most importantly, take what you've learned and put it into action. Because knowledge alone doesn't create change, but action does. Until next time, live life passion-struck.

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Natalie Namaste on How to Tap Into Your Solar Plexus Power | EP 580

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I wanted to ask, how do you think children are naturally attuned to source energy? Because sometimes I think as we get more and more into our lives, we lose connection oftentimes to ourselves, so much so today. And I think when we're children, we're more open in many ways to the universe.

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Natalie Namaste on How to Tap Into Your Solar Plexus Power | EP 580

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome to episode 580.

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Natalie Namaste on How to Tap Into Your Solar Plexus Power | EP 580

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Whether you're a longtime listener or tuning in for the first time, I am thrilled you're here. You're now part of a global movement dedicated to living with intention, unlocking your full potential and making what truly matters matter most. Now let me ask you this. What if the reason so many of us feel disconnected isn't because we're lost, but because we've forgotten how much we matter?

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Natalie Namaste on How to Tap Into Your Solar Plexus Power | EP 580

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Thank you so much for sharing all that and I mentioned earlier that you and I both had defining moments in our lives. For me, I had a traumatic brain injury when I was that same age and it unearthed something in me that for decades I kept hidden from the world because it made me different and I didn't know how to process it. After that incident, I began to see auras, but I didn't see them

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necessarily in the same way that you describe, although at times I can see a glow around people, what I would tend to be able to see is to see the field that surrounds not only humans, but animals or even objects. So I would start seeing things related to chakras, such as

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would see red and i know that person was self-aware and courageous and passionate i would see orange which is like the sacral chakra and i would see it that right now they're creative or maybe they're brave i would see yellows and greens and blues and i thought as a kid i was losing in mind to tell you the truth and i wasn't i grew up roman catholic so i wasn't

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spiritually in tune to these types of things. So I just suppressed the that I had this ability. And it's interesting, Natalie, because I found through different periods of my life, the capability comes and goes at times depending upon how aligned I am with spirituality and mindfulness, things like that. Is that kind of normal?

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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What if I told you that the key to managing your emotions isn't about suppressing them or trying to ignore them, but learning how to use them as a powerful tool to propel you towards your purpose. That is exactly what today's guest is here to help us understand.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Well, hearing your grandparents' story reminded me of my partner, Corey's history. Her grandparents were Russian Jews on both sides who, similar to your parents, evaded the Germans and eventually also migrated to Brooklyn, much like your family. And as I think about this and your family, and I think about the fires that are happening in LA right now,

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I just think of, imagine just sitting in your home and everything is normal. And then all of a sudden you're told you have to leave now. And this can happen for a hurricane or a tornado or other things. But imagine that emotional toll. I mean, it really is universal, whether it was them or even what we're facing today.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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And I think emotions and these personal narratives really shape the way we understand the human capacity to endure and thrive even when we have to face things like this. Wouldn't you agree?

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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In this episode, I'm sitting back down with my friend, Dr. Ethan Cross, one of the world's leading experts on emotions and self-regulation. Ethan is also the best-selling author of Chatter and the director of the Emotion and Self-Control Laboratory at the University of Michigan.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Well, I want to jump from here to the first section of your book in which you describe emotions as a near constant force in our lives. And I love the words you use, sometimes subtle like background music and other times sharp and consuming, shaping our decisions and relationships.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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And in this first chapter, you highlight a 2015 study that found that people experience one or more emotions over 90% of the time. to illustrate it. And I am someone who has, I was not a Navy SEAL, but I have deployed a lot with them. And I've also been to SEER school.

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And you beautifully illustrate this with the story of Matt Mastum, who's a SEAL going through SEER training, who I personally don't know, but I can understand what you were talking about with his story where he felt anger, pain, joy, and surprisingly, even love simultaneously.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Can you talk about that experience he went through and how understanding this pervasive and complex nature of emotions help us reframe them as a tool for navigating life rather than obstacles to overcome? So Matt's story is a really powerful one.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Ethan has dedicated his entire career to studying how we can transform the way that we experience and navigate our emotions. His latest book, Shift, which launches today, takes his groundbreaking research even further, showing us how we can harness our emotions for resilience, connection, and fulfillment. But today's episode isn't just about theory. It's about real, actionable tools.

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I wasn't simulated. I mean, you are put through a mock of what it would like to be a prisoner of war, including They're trying to test all aspects of it, from the noises that they blare in. There's the temperature. I did it in the mountains, so it was freezing cold. By the time you're captured, you haven't eaten in a few days because all they give you is a rabbit and send you on your way.

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So you're starving. And so they try to give this, I think, as real world as they possibly can. Here you are trying to evade capture, which is what the first aspect of it is. And then everyone gets captured. And then it's how do you deal with all these things that they throw at you to put you as much as they can under a real world situation.

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Today, Ethan and I will discuss how we can reframe our relationship with our emotions. Shift.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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So if it would ever happen, you are somewhat prepared for what it's going to be like, knowing that it's probably going to be even worse than the environment that Matt found himself in.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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our inner dialogue and embrace the full range of feelings from fear to joy as a source of growth and clarity we'll dive into fascinating stories like how a navy seal used his emotions to thrive under pressure and explore the science behind how sensory experiences like music scent and touch can change the way we feel

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Well, one of the things I liked that you covered in this chapter is I realize hope isn't really an emotion. It's a cognitive state. But I explored this whole concept of why hope matters. I really typed hope to mattering.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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And similar to the way you're explaining influence, the influence of emotions and how they influence not just our moment to moment decisions, but they can influence the trajectory of our lives. It's kind of like hope. I mean, it was hope that Gandhi used to inspire people to break away from the British rule. But he also tied into the emotions of the people.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Before we get started with today's conversation, let me give you a quick recap of last week's episodes. On Tuesday, I sat down with Dr. Dave Vago, a leading neuroscientist to discover the neuroscience of mattering and how our brain's intricate pathways shape our sense of belonging and purpose.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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It's, as you write, it's ignited personal achievements, like cultural legacies to large movements like the Taj Mahal. or the Underground Railroad. And it's so interesting because emotions do fuel some of humanity's greatest accomplishments. But I think what people fail to realize is how can they tap into this emotional fuel, so to speak, to create this life or these movements that they want.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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On Thursday, Francesca Sipma joined me to discuss how breathwork can connect us to our subconscious, unlocking clarity, emotional balance, and self-discovery. On Friday, I shared a solo episode on how to fight for your soul, where I explored the importance of aligning with your purpose, overcoming inner resistance, and making choices that protect the core of who you are.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Well, thank you for answering that. Ethan, I want to go back to something with the military here for a second. As you know, I have really been trying to study a lot about the topic of mattering, and I'm actually working on a book right now about it. And I want to take you back in time. A few years ago, I went to this

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retreat that we were having that had probably 60 special forces, former special forces people there. It was everything from the former Secretary of Defense who was there to, you know, we had Green Berets, we had rescue swimmers from the Coast Guard, we had Rangers, we had SEALs, we had Marines, and universal across all of them, they had experienced profound post-traumatic stress. And

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All of them had told me that they had gone through this sense of just feeling completely numb and indifferent and apathetic to the world around them. And it really led me to this connection that our emotions are really deeply tied to this sense of meaning and connection in our lives.

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How does understanding and managing our emotions enhance our ability to feel like we matter and how we connect and belong in the communities that we're part of?

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If you haven't listened to any of those yet, check them out for some transformative insights. And if you're loving these conversations and want to dig deeper into topics like emotional resilience, personal mastery, alternative health, and growth, make sure to explore our episode starter packs.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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These curated playlists are designed to guide you through key themes like mindfulness, mindset, and the science of mattering. You can find these starter packs on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Don't forget to subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com, where I share weekly insights, challenges, tools, and exclusive content to help you stay focused on what truly matters. It's the best way to get inspired and stay aligned with your goals each week. And if you prefer watching these transformative conversations, make sure to check out our YouTube channel.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Thank you for sharing that. And I want to use the remaining time that we have to do a little bit of a teaser for the audience about the book, but not giving it all away. So they'll go out and buy it. Part two of your book, you're really starting to go into how do you start using the title of your book, Shifts? And it starts from shifting from the inside out.

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And on my way back from the gym today, I was trying to get myself pumped up for our interview. So I happened to listen to Casmir by Led Zeppelin. Nice. But you, as I understand it, you have a daughter named Danny and I have a daughter named Olivia. They both are soccer players.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Although my daughter doesn't really play anymore, but I remember when she was younger, there were those days where like anyone, you just don't feel like practicing or going to a game or something else. And.

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You, since we're, we're talking about Michigan today, you, you happen to turn a song on that journey saying that starts about a young boy from Michigan who wanted to believe, and can you go into this story and, and how this sensory shift helps us, uh, with our emotions?

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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It's a great place to engage with the content in a whole new way and connect with others on their intentional living journey. Now, let's get started with episode 568 of Passion Struck with Dr. Ethan Cross. Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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And I would just say that a great other tool someone could use is I really loved the book, The Five Senses that Gretchen put out a couple of years ago, really exploring when we really tap into our senses, how much it plays a profound role.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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And all you got to do to experience this is go to a hotel like I did this past weekend where they pump in the sensory smells or a restaurant which does the same thing.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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I am absolutely thrilled to welcome back Dr. Ethan Cross to PassionStruck. Great to see you again, Ethan. Great to be here, John.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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So this cultural shift is something that needs to happen in a lot of businesses right now where you've got so many people who are disengaged and there is absolutely a reason for that happening, but a lot of it plays into the emotions of the employees.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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So why does culture play such an important role in how we interpret and express emotions and how can shifting it help us navigate our lives with greater intentionality?

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It is great. I wish we could do this in person, and I hope down the line we can. But I am glad that we're doing it now because we actually are, both of us, huge Michigan fans, and we can still, as of today, say we are the national champions. That's right.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Well, I think that's a great topic to end on. Ethan, if someone wanted to learn more about you and your work, where's the best place for them to go?

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Well, thank you so much for joining us here today. And I can't wait to have you back on for a third time. Thanks so much, John. It's an honor and a privilege as always. Wow, what an extraordinary conversation with Ethan Cross.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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From the groundbreaking insights into why we feel to the powerful tools for shifting our emotional states, today's discussion was a masterclass in understanding and harnessing the complexity of our emotions. Ethan's work in Shift reminds us that our emotions aren't obstacles, they're allies.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Whether it's the power of sensory experiences like music, the stories of resilience and love from his research, or the practical ways we can use emotions, As tools for connection and growth, this episode is packed with wisdom that can truly transform how we navigate our lives. As we close, I encourage you to reflect on a few key takeaways.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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How can you begin to see your emotions as superpowers rather than hindrances? What sensory tools like music, scent, or touch can you intentionally incorporate into your daily life to help shift your emotional state? If today's episode resonated with you, please leave us a five-star rating and review.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Your feedback helps us continue bringing powerful conversations like this one to the Passion Struck community. And if someone in your life could benefit from Ethan's insights, share this episode with them. It could be the spark they need to see their emotions in a whole new light.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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You can find all the resources we discussed, including Ethan's book, Shift, and links to the previous episode on Chatter in the show notes at passionstruck.com. Don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel where you can watch the video version of this episode and share it with others who are passionate about intentional living.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Lastly, if you're looking to bring these kinds of transformative insights into your organization or team, visit johnrmiles.com speaking to learn how we can work together to ignite purpose, connection, and emotional mastery where it matters most.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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In our next episode, I'll be joined by Eric Zimmer, host of the One You Feed podcast, for a powerful discussion on intentional living, personal transformation, and feeding the parts of ourselves that matter most. It's going to be an inspiring conversation, so make sure you tune in.

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Thank you for always for spending your time with us and for being part of the Passion Start community. Remember, the lessons you learn here are only as powerful as the actions you take. Until next time, live life Passion Start.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Absolutely. And I am ecstatic that it also looks like our basketball team is going to be back to the program we all hope it will be. So with that lead in, it is such a pleasure to have you back on Tash & Struck.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Your last episode on your previous book, Chatter, resonated so deeply with our listeners that I was just thrilled when I learned that you had written this new book and that we could bring you back on. So This episode is really, to me, a continuation of the incredible journey you've taken us on, one that's both scientific and profoundly human.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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Can you maybe walk the listeners through what led you from chatter to now writing this book?

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Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, PassionStruck fam. Welcome to episode 568.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Ethan Kross on How to Make Your Emotions Work for You | EP 568

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So Shift opens up with an incredible story about your grandparents, Dora and Izzy, and their harrowing escape from the Nazis during World War II. a story as I was reading it of survival, resilience, and emotional endurance. What stuck with me the most is how their stories reflect the themes of emotions as really tools for navigating life.

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Can you share more about their journey and how it influenced your own understanding of emotions?

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If you're new to the show, thank you so much for joining us. You have just entered a community that's all about igniting passion, living intentionally, and creating a life that matters. Now, let me ask you something. Have you ever found yourself overwhelmed by your emotions, feeling like they're controlling you instead of you controlling them?

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What did you do when you went to the gym? Well, today I just wanted a cardio workout. So I just did 30 minutes on an elliptical. And I listened to Andrew Huberman's podcast that you were on as I was doing it.

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Do you ever lift weights? Well, I have an alternative health podcast, so I follow what Mark Hyman and other people have told me to do. So I try to do cardio a couple of times a week and I try to do free weights a few times a week.

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Codie Sanchez on the Secret for How to Gain Financial Freedom EP 541

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Codie Sanchez on the Secret for How to Gain Financial Freedom EP 541

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Before we dive into today's episode, if you're new to the show, we have over 540 episodes packed with actionable insights. And if you want to dive even deeper, sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com for exclusive insights and tools to help you unlock your full potential. Last week, we had two phenomenal guests who shared incredible insights.

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Thank you for sharing that. And you probably don't know this about my background, but I've spent about 12, 13 years in and out of private equity. When I was a senior executive at Dell, when I lived in Austin and I left because I was recruited by Hellman and Friedman to become the chief operating officer of a tech company and I saw that side of it from being an operator.

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Codie Sanchez on the Secret for How to Gain Financial Freedom EP 541

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And then I was a partner in a private equity firm, about $10 billion in assets and did a lot on the investment side. So I saw both sides of it. But I have to tell you, recently, this became really real for me in a personal way. You were just talking about how many homes that these companies are buying up.

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Codie Sanchez on the Secret for How to Gain Financial Freedom EP 541

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And I live here in Tampa Bay where Hurricane Helene in one night displaced 12,000 homes that were flooded, including mine. And all of a sudden, when you hit this market that's owned by private equity, who are miles and miles away from what's happening, and you as a person trying to find a rental can't because they're not shifting quickly enough to the urgent needs of the population around.

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Plus they're not doing the cleanup, everything else. It really shows you localization versus this umbrella effect that these companies have.

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Well, thank you for sharing that. And I think that really depends on what private equity firm it is. Some are much more hands-on, some are much more hands-off, some put operators into the companies, some do not, some manage by spreadsheet, some allow for some more subjectivity in how they treat the businesses. But you're right, you pick the wrong partner and it's going to be a messy situation.

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I want to dive into your rich framework here in a second. But one of the things I learned the most when I was in private equity is to look for shifts that were happening before they happened. We used to call them inflection points in the market. And it's interesting because you mentioned

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that it only takes one to 5% of the population to change the course of history, which would be a huge societal shift. How do you see what you're writing about in this book and small business owners contributing to this kind of shift?

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First, Heather Moyse, a two-time Olympic gold medalist, inductee into the World Rugby Hall of Fame, and Canada's most decorated all-around female athlete, joined us to discuss the power of mindset in overcoming obstacles and achieving success. Heather shared her strategies for pushing past limitations, redefining resilience, and cultivating a gold medal mindset.

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I love that you bring that up because this weekend I'm attending Localtopia, which is this big festival in St. Petersburg that draws probably, I'm guessing, 100,000 people to the downtown streets to support the local vendors. So a huge believer of this. I want to go to the topic of limiting beliefs because So many people I found feel stuck in their financial or career paths.

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Then Dr. Josh Axe, renowned health expert and bestselling author, joined me to discuss his latest book, Think This, Not That, 12 Mindset Shifts to Break Through Limiting Beliefs and Become Who You Were Born to Be. In this inspiring conversation, Dr. Axe shared practical strategies to overcome self-doubt, shift your mindset, and unlock your true potential.

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And as I was preparing for this interview, I put out to my audience that I was going to interview you. And I happened to get a question for you from one of my listeners in Nigeria, Victor, who wanted me to ask you, would you agree that two different individuals practicing the same principles could achieve different results based on their environment or circumstances?

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Well, I love that. I wrote about that in my book. I call it the mosquito principles. Sometimes the people closest to us are the most benign but threatening people we have in our lives. And so you got to get rid of the bloodsuckers, the invisible suffocators, and the pain in the asses from your life.

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So I wanted to just ask you one follow-up on what you just said. So for someone who's faced in that environment that we were just talking about, do you think they should focus on changing their environment? Or do you believe they should work to adapt within it?

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His actionable advice and personal stories make this episode a must-listen for anyone ready to reframe their thinking and live with greater purpose. And finally, in my Silo episode, I tackled the concept of psychological wealth, how to build a rich, fulfilling life by focusing on your mental and emotional well-being.

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I think that's a great example. And I haven't had a drink since August of 2023. And I realized early on in this journey that I was spending too much time doing those types of things. And I wanted to break from it because I was not able to focus on the things that truly mattered. But to your point,

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I had to really distance myself from the people and the places I was going to, because if you don't, it just keeps drawing you back in. So I think you make a really good point. So I want to shift the conversation to intentional wealth creation, because when I was reading the book, I equate the rich framework

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as a pathway to intentionality, really, because each step in the framework aligns to deliberate actions that lead you to financial goals and eventually personal success. So I want to start out with the first research. You emphasize that finding the perfect fit business is part of this phase.

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How can someone intentionally, because I think this is important, align the business that they choose with their value system and long-term goals?

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We explored strategies using the story of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas on how to cultivate inner peace, resilience, and joy, regardless of your external circumstances. If you're looking to elevate your mindset, these three episodes were packed with practical takeaways.

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And in that same chapter, you show a pyramid, which I really like. You titled this competition is for losers, why small businesses are easier to buy. And you're right. Most people who talk about acquisitions refer to businesses doing 100 million or more in annual revenue, the ones that private equity companies typically buy up that most of us can't afford.

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And so what you show on this is the Fortune 1000 upper middle market, lower middle market and small businesses. And I think you're right here. All the buyers are trying to compete for the top part of the pyramid overlooking the profitable small businesses.

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this is where there's plenty of opportunities like you say but there's surprisingly fewer fishermen so if you're someone who's listening to this trying to think about how do i even approach this large fish of small businesses where do you start on your research like how do you even start probing this because i know for many people it could feel overwhelming

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Now on to today's episode, where I am thrilled to be joined by someone who's redefining how we think about wealth, ownership, and financial freedom, Cody Sanchez.

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Cody is a former Wall Street investor turned small business expert, entrepreneur, and founder of Contrarian Thinking, where she is known for her wildly popular newsletter that teaches unconventional ways to cash flow and building generational wealth. She's also the author of the game-changing book,

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And for someone who's looking at the type of business they should invest in, I know people have come to me constantly saying, why aren't you creating a consulting business? in PassionStruck and I worked for Booz & Co and I was a senior leader at Arthur Anderson and running a consulting business is very difficult. It means that you have to get everyone tied to a common methodology.

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If they're remote from you, there's just a ton of oversight, making sure that they're following the script and doing it consistently, et cetera. Not that you can't do it, but there's easier businesses. So what would you recommend are some of the green light businesses for people to focus on and maybe some of the red light ones that are more difficult to do?

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Main Street Millionaire, which launches today, How to Make Extraordinary Wealth Buying Ordinary Businesses. In today's conversation, Cody shares her groundbreaking approach to achieving financial freedom by investing in what she calls sweaty and boring businesses. Think plumbing, cleaning, and construction.

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For someone who's listening to this thinking, I wanna buy a business, but I don't have the cashflow, what would be your first recommendation of how they could think about this differently? Because there are many different ways to invest in a business without you having to raise the capital yourself.

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These overlooked industries, she argues, are the secret to creating extraordinary wealth without the risky gambles of startups or the grind of climbing the corporate ladder. We'll explore the key trends she sees shaping the future of wealth creation, including why private investing, buying established local businesses is the ultimate pathway to financial independence.

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And I think the next place to turn to is the C or command in your framework. And I think sometimes people go into a business saying, I don't even know how to do it, not realizing that there's different approaches. for how they could build an A team around the business, which may not include them leading it.

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They may, like many private equity groups do, bring in a caretaker for the business to hit the milestones that they want to achieve. What's your advice here?

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And then lastly, I wanted to talk about the H in your framework, which is harness. So how do you tell listeners or viewers what success looks like for the movement for ownership you're advocating? Meaning when you're trying to harness this for a win, what should they realistically look for as they're investing in a business on the other side of it?

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Okay. And as we wrap up, Cody, I'd love to explore the bigger picture behind your message. You described this as a silent war between Main Street and Wall Street. You have it right behind your back. Why do you feel this battle is so critical and what role do individuals play in turning the tide?

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how the unsexy industries of Main Street are experiencing a blue-collar renaissance, making them prime opportunities for smart investors, and the power of buying businesses that are already cash-flowing, helping you skip the startup hustle and focus on scaling success. Cody's mission is bold, to create 1 million financially free humans through business ownership.

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I love how you write about this. Our country does not need more dating apps. We need more drop shippers playing middleman with manufacturers. We need more young entrepreneurs to carry the torch. They are the ones who can save the small businesses that power our local economies. Well, Cody, thank you so much for joining us today.

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I know you're very searchable, but if there was one location you would tell people to go to, where would it be?

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Well, thank you so much, Cody. A long time coming and such an honor to have you on the show.

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What an enlightening conversation with Cody Sanchez. Her approach to financial freedom through investing in sweaty and boring businesses is nothing short of revolutionary.

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Cody's insights on private investing, the opportunities in main street industries, and the mindset shifts required to break free from traditional financial constraints offer a powerful blueprint for anyone looking to build wealth with intention. As you reflect on today's episode, ask yourself, what overlooked opportunities around you could be the key to financial freedom?

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How can you shift your mindset from conventional career paths to creating meaningful, lasting wealth? Remember, as Cody said, extraordinary wealth doesn't have to come from extraordinary risks. It's about leveraging what's already working and making it your own.

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All the links to Cody's work, her book, Main Street Millionaire, and the Contrarian Thinking newsletter are in the show notes at passionstruck.com. Please use the links if you're interested in learning more. It helps to support the show. You can also find this episode and more on our YouTube channels, John R. Miles and PassionStruck Clips.

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To explore more on unlocking your potential, head over to PassionStruck.com and check out the PassionStruck quiz, where you can see how you're progressing in living your most intentional, purpose-driven life. And if you're looking for a speaker to inspire your audience with actionable insights and transformative strategies, I'd love to bring my message to your organization or event.

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Visit JohnRMiles.com slash speaking to learn more and book your session today. Let's ignite intentional change together. If Cody's approach to wealth creation resonated with you, please leave us a five-star rating and review and share this episode with someone who's already ready to rethink their financial future.

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Every share helps grow our PassionStruck community and spreads our mission to inspire intentional living. Now, here's a sneak peek at what's coming up next on PassionStruck. In our next episode, I am joined by Kim Scott, the bestselling author of Radical Candor, Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity.

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Kim's groundbreaking framework has redefined what it means to lead with authenticity, honesty, and compassion. In our conversation, we dive deep into the principles of radical candor while giving and receiving feedback is essential for personal and professional growth and how you can create a culture of trust and collaboration in your workplace.

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Kim also shares actionable strategies for handling tough conversations, Whether you're a team leader, an entrepreneur, or simply looking to strengthen your communication skills, this episode is packed with transformative insights you won't want to miss.

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In our conversation today, she not only shares her framework for acquiring businesses, but also dives deep in the mindset shifts required to embrace this unconventional approach to wealth. If you've ever felt stuck in the grind or wondered how to make your money work for you while building something meaningful, this conversation is a must listen.

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Thank you for spending your time with us today. If you found value in this episode, please share it with someone who could benefit and keep applying what you learn to live what you listen. Until next time, live life passion struck.

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As Cody puts it, your money and your meaning are on Main Street. As always, You can always watch this episode on our YouTube channels, John R. Miles, and our Clips channel at PassionStruck Clips. So get ready for a dynamic, no BS conversation that will challenge your thinking and inspire action. Let's dive in with Cody Sanchez.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely honored and thrilled to have Cody Sanchez on Passion Struck, a person my community has wanted on the show for so long. Welcome. Thanks for having me. Cody, I'm going to start in an unusual place.

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I'm going to start by saying how much I admire your husband's journey as a Navy SEAL. As a Naval Academy graduate myself, and having deployed alongside Teams 3, 8, and 10, I have an immense appreciation for the SEAL community. And my father was also UDT Class 16, so the connection runs really deep.

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And as I was prepping for this interview, I happened to listen to your podcast where you were interviewing Chris and our mutual friend, Gabrielle Lyon, where you guys were talking about health fitness and incorporating those habits into relationships.

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And what I wanted to ask is what's been the most impactful habit or mindset from his SEAL training that you've seen spill over into both of your lives?

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Well, I love that. And thank you for sharing because I always like to see how these things and relationships intertwine. So I want to start out here. Cody, you have a mission. to create 1 million financially free humans. And it's not just about wealth.

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The core thing that we discussed here on passion struck is really empowering people to design a life of meaning and impact, which I think is what you're trying to do as well with your mission. What inspired you to pivot from the corporate grind? Like we both started as in our previous lives to championing this movement of intentional ownership.

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Thank you for sharing that. And today, I think the core thing that we're going to be discussing is this whole concept of breaking free and redefining success on your own terms. And we're going to be discussing your book, which comes out the day this podcast is released, Main Street Millionaire, how to make extraordinary wealth by buying ordinary businesses. Congratulations on this book.

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It's been a long time coming.

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So I want to start here. So many people chase the hustle culture. I know I did it for many years, whether it's startups, promotions, or side hustles, only to think they're making strides and feeling more and more unfilled with meaning and hope and aspiration. How does your approach of investing in small local businesses shift the narrative and allow people to create a life they love?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey, PassionStruck fam, welcome to episode 541 of the PassionStruck podcast.

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It's interesting. I had a book come out earlier this year in February, and I did some deep dives into the Kauffman Foundation and was even just looking at census reporting and some of the things that were showing trends of businesses over the past 20, 30 years. And outside of this change that happened with COVID, both ownership in small businesses and entrepreneurship were on a 30-year decline.

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And when you look at this compared to the rise of large companies, which they describe as companies over 500 people, it has this inverse climb that creates this incredible gap. And so one of the initiatives I got involved with here in Florida, we have a ton of veterans because of all of the military bases here. And a lot of times veterans getting out are always saying, what do I do next?

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And so I was part of this thing called the Florida Association of Veteran Owned Businesses, which was trying to promote making Florida the Mecca for people to do small business. Yet I saw so much resistance in people wanting to take this path. And where I'm going with this is you described these small businesses as hidden gold mines.

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Just like those veterans I mentioned, why do you think so many people overall overlook these opportunities?

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I'm your host, John Miles. I want to thank you for joining me on this journey to live a more intentional, purpose-driven life. Whether you're a longtime listener or tuning in for your first time, you're part of an incredible community that's committed to transformation, growth, and taking bold steps toward your dreams.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Tasha, I'm so glad I read your book because I know the connection points that you're making, but people always ask, why do you read every single book? Because when an interview totally goes a different direction than I'm planning it to go, it's nice to have it as the backdrop so you can read it right.

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No, no. You took a few sections and just combined it in one, which is great. So I'm going to just go back.

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a step to the introduction of your book, because I don't want to leave it without talking about Emily's parking lot brawl, because I think it really does a good job of illustrating how the most high achieving, resilient people can take a hit and reach their breaking point, which is exactly what happened to me. Why was that the right starting point for the book?

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explores in her brand new book, Shatterproof, How to Overcome Adversity with Strength and Resilience, which officially launches today. Tasha is a renowned organizational psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and one of the most sought after voices on self-awareness, leadership, and psychological agility.

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I agree. I remember at the time I was a C-level at Dell and I was so freaking stressed out. I had crap going on at work. I had crap going on in my home life. And I just reached this point like no one cared how I was doing. Right. I'm one of these people who historically does a very good job of keeping my cool under pressure.

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In today's episode, we go deep into the science of resilience, what it really takes to withstand life's pressure and come out on the other side, not just intact, but stronger, clearer, and more intentional. At the core of today's discussion is the Shatterproof Roadmap, a transformative research-backed framework that includes tools like probing your pain, auditing your identity,

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And I had this direct report who just kept doing boneheaded things time and time again, getting us deeper into crap with the business segments that we were supporting. And I remember another one of them hit us in this staff meeting and I freaking just went off on him. And to this day, I feel so bad about it.

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But underneath it, I had just this level of pressure and tension that had just been built up that I think it was just waiting for a release. And unfortunately, I unloaded it on him. The thing I learned from that is I've never done it again. But boy, did I lose my cool in that moment.

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Absolutely, it's how it happens. And that's one of the reasons I loved in your next chapter, the budworm epidemic as a metaphor for human resilience, because this epidemic for people who aren't familiar with it, you can explain it to them, but it's a striking analogy

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for how resilience isn't always enough how something that worked in the past can fail when conditions change and in the modern world as you're describing we're facing our own quote-unquote epidemic seven from digital overload to gosh we're seeing worldwide geopolitical instability i was just listening to npr before our interviews started and wow what are some of the outdated resilience strategies people rely on and why are they no longer effective

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and crafting choice. These aren't just abstract ideas. They're tangible, science-based practices that will help you take control of your narrative, reframe struggle, and turn hardship into personal power.

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We explore why some people thrive through chaos while others feel crushed by it, the danger of over-identifying with suffering, and how you can train your mind to face adversity with self-awareness and mental agility. Tasha also shares actionable strategies for breaking free from victimhood.

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You're absolutely right. And as you look at the world today, we absolutely need new solutions to the problems that are impacting us because climate change didn't come out of nowhere. And the way we've solved crises in the past isn't working. So we need a new way to come at it, which is a systematic approach, as Seth Godin has laid out, that we need to get on board with.

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So in chapter three, you introduced this concept of resilience ceiling, and this is after you go through the three myths. And I could ask you six questions about this chapter alone, but one of them that I really loved is you use this metaphor in the chapter comparing resilience to a rubber band that stretches until it finally snaps.

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And I love this because in my own book, I had this chapter on becoming a perspective harnesser and I used The story of my friend, Chris Cassidy, who at the time was training to become a SEAL at Bud's. And he told me that the way he got through Bud's was using this analogy. He said, hard times end, challenges end, and you need to look at your resilience like it's a rubber band.

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And sometimes it contracts and sometimes it expands. And what you need to look for is when it expands, not to let it break. And so he used that as a way to get through the micro moments of incredible pain so that he could reach that point where it would constrict again and he would get a break and be able to recover. So can you step into this and help?

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rewriting limiting stories and developing real resilience, the kind that serves your growth, not just your survival. If you've ever faced a moment that knocked you down, a personal loss, a professional setback, or a season where nothing seemed to go right, this episode will equip you to rebuild, reimagine, and come back stronger than ever.

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Maybe just a step back, because I agree with what you're saying. I use this as part of a chapter where I was explaining the power of perspective shifts, meaning so often we get into either or thinking. And when we do that, it causes us to get into this whiplash.

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But when we start allowing ourselves to get into more both and thinking, and I went into the behavior science about it, we start finding an equilibrium to it. And then after this, I introduce the topic of how do you reach the optimal state of anxiety? And I used it to play into that as well. So I completely agree with you.

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If you keep stretching it back and forth overall, you're going to wear the thing out and you're going to wear yourself out.

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So Tasha, I want to move forward. In the next section of the book, you outline three major shatterproof mindset shifts that people must take to move beyond just coping. And you say the first is moving from discounting hard things to actively embracing them. The second is shifting from coping to the courage to change. And the third is breaking free of the limiting beliefs that keep us stuck.

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Can you maybe go through which one you think people have most trouble with?

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But before we dive in, let's take a moment to reflect on the incredible week we just had here on PassionStruck. Last Tuesday, I welcomed Wes Adams and Tamara Miles to discuss their new book, Meaningful Work, a must-listen for anyone seeking to align purpose with performance.

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Last Thursday, Donald Miller shared his updated Building a Story Brand 2.0 book and gave us an exclusive look into his AI platform that's revolutionizing how we can communicate and connect. And then on Friday, Dr. Kurt Gray shared

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Now the Weary Family Foundation endowed chair at Ohio State joined me to discuss political division, moral psychology, and how to find common ground in an increasingly polarized world. If you missed any of those episodes, I highly recommend going back. They're packed with transformative insights.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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And if you're new here, we've created episode starter packs on topics like mental resilience, personal mastery, leadership, and intentional living. You can find them on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs. For even deeper tools and exclusive insights, sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com.

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And if you prefer watching these powerful conversations, head over to the Passion Struck YouTube channel. Now, let's dive into this empowering conversation on the true nature of resilience and how to become shatterproof with Dr. Tasha Urich. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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It's about taking action. If you're ready to go deeper, check out Shatterproof. It's available now and links to our book, Tasha's work, and other resources are all in the show notes at passionstruck.com. Want to bring the power of intentionality to your organization?

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Beyond hosting PassionStruck, I speak to companies, teams, and events about unlocking potential, building resilience, and creating lasting impact. If you're looking for a keynote speaker who can inspire action and drive transformation, visit JohnRMiles.com slash speaking to learn more about how I can help your team thrive.

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I am absolutely honored and thrilled to have Dr. Tasha Urich on PassionStruck. Welcome, Tasha.

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And if today's episode spoke to you, I'd be incredibly grateful if you'd leave a five-star rating and review. It's one of the best ways to help PassionStruck reach even more people who need these conversations. If you know someone who could benefit from today's discussion, share this episode with them. Now, coming up next on PassionStruck, I'm joined by Stanford psychologist, Dr. Greg Walton.

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author of the extraordinary new book, Ordinary Magic, the science of how we can achieve big change with small acts. In our conversation, Greg reveals how small shifts in perception, which he calls wise interventions, can create upward spirals of transformation.

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Whether it's a mindset shift, a reframing of purpose, or the belief that you belong, this episode will show you how seemingly small actions can lead to extraordinary change. Trust me, you won't want to miss it.

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Today, we're going to be discussing your brand new book, Shatterproof, which debuts today, the day that this podcast is coming out. But I have to tell you, when I was opening up the book and I came to your dedication, I always loved looking at them. And then a name just jumped right off the page to me, Marshall Goldsmith.

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Finally, thank you for being part of Passion Struck. This show is built on curiosity, transformation, and action, and I'm honored to have you with me on this journey. Remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value, share it. Let's keep growing this movement and living with intention, impact, and purpose. Until next time, live life Passion Struck.

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someone that you call your honorary dad and I have loved Marshall's work for decades and I've actually had him on the show and his work has been so deep to me that I ended up anchoring a whole chapter in my book Passion Struck on his lessons from the earned life.

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I wanted to start out today by asking you what role has Marshall played in shaping your approach to leadership resilience which we're going to be talking a lot about today and ultimately this book.

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I love that. And I have to tell you, when I had him on the podcast, if people want to go back and listen to it, he gave me teachable moments midstream as we were doing the podcast. And then once we got off, he stopped before he got off and gave me very frank feedback for about five minutes straight.

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And then after he did it, which he did in a kind way, but a very straightforward way, he said, you've got to get to Nashville because I walk every day. And the next time you're here, I want to take a walk with you. So I got to take him up with that. But one thing that I love about his work is he emphasizes this idea that fulfillment comes from the alignment of our values.

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you're new to the show i offer advice and answer listener questions on fridays we have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors ceos creators innovators scientists military leaders visionaries and athletes now let's go out there and become passion struck hey Passionstruck fam, welcome to episode 592.

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And then he often talks about our aspirations and our ambitions rather than external achievements. How does that concept connect with your vision of becoming shatterproof?

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I couldn't agree more. And I was one of those stressed out executives for so much of my career. And so I know exactly what it feels like. And over time, I finally got vulnerable enough to talk about it because I think there's so many millions, I use the word millions of people who are in the same shoes that I was.

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So one of the biggest takeaways from your book is that resilience alone is not enough. And you write, the best response to hard things isn't merely to survive them, it's to harness them. That's a major distinction from how resilience is traditionally framed. Can you explain how being shatterproof is different from just being resilient?

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Whether you've been with us for a while or tuning in for the first time, I am so thrilled you're here. You're now part of a global movement dedicated to unlocking your potential, forging resilience, and making what truly matters matter most.

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let me ask you this what if resilience isn't just about bouncing back what about bouncing forward what if the key to overcoming life's toughest challenges isn't just grit but the ability to adapt pivot and transform adversity into fuel for growth that's exactly what today's guest dr tasha york

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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I love both those stories. And Nicole is another guest that I've had the privilege of having on the show. I love her books. They're so easily digestible and applicable. And I can see why between that and the crazy stuff she does on social media, why she's so popular. But I think you brought up something that's really important there is

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I know I've been asked a number of times, like, how did I get some of the endorsements that I got for my book? And when you reach that, well, sometimes publishers do it for you. But in my case, I asked all the people directly. But what I found is you can't do this cold turkey. It's not like I'm going to ask Seth Godin for an endorsement without knowing him.

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I mean, it was over a few years building up a relationship with him that gave me the confidence that he knew who I was, knew what I stood for. I'd invested time in getting to know him. And even when I asked him, he said, look, there's no guarantees. I don't do many of these, but I'm willing to take a look at it and we'll go from there.

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to step into the most aligned, purpose-driven version of yourself. That is exactly what we're diving into today with my guest, Francesca Sipma, a transformational coach, breathwork facilitator, and the visionary behind HypnoBreathwork. But before we get there, let's take a moment to reflect on the incredible conversation we had earlier this week.

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So I think it's an important lesson because you've got to build that bond if you want someone to reciprocate.

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Of course. I think the first time I heard him on a podcast, I think it was with Lewis Howes. And I think it was like Lewis's first or second podcast he ever did. But love his work.

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Well, that's a great story and a valuable lesson as well. I want to go back to something you touched on. Well, before we do that, since we've been talking a little bit about the book, how did you come up with the title Unblock Your Purpose? Because in my subtitle, as you brought up, as we were talking beforehand, I say unlock your purpose. You say unblock your purpose.

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On Tuesday, I sat down with Dr. Dave Vago, a leading neuroscientist and mindfulness expert, to discuss the neuroscience of mattering. why our brains are wired for belonging, and how mindfulness can help us create purpose and connection. If you haven't listened yet, be sure to check it out. Last Friday, I shared a powerful solo episode on deep work and the five keys to mattering in life.

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And there's the, it's a slight, but interesting and profound difference.

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Well, I love it. Mine originally was going to be much shorter and it was almost going to be, I'm not sure if you've read Robin Sharma's book, The 5AM Club, but he's got a very short subtitle and it was going to be like that. And my publisher didn't like it, so they expanded it. So mine, but it captured the essence of what I was, what I was going for.

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Well, where I wanted to go back to is you mentioned before some of the things that hold people back. And a couple of those things are fear, negativity, bias, imposter syndrome, the desire for certainty. And those things keep people stuck in their track. How does hypnobreath work help people to overcome those barriers and to embrace the unknown?

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Breaking down how eliminating distractions and focusing on what truly matters can transform the way you show up in your career, relationships, and personal growth. And don't forget, if you're looking for curated episodes on topics like emotional well-being, mindset, personal mastery, peak performance, and alternative health, check them out

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I love it. I just did a solo episode today that is all about how do you bridge the gap between theory and action? So I love that that's a core focus area for you as well. So I have recently had a few guests on the show, specifically Lisa Miller and Susan Grau. Lisa, if you're not familiar with her, studies the science of spirituality. And Susan is a master in spirituality and a medium.

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And it reminded me of how your work blends science and spirituality in a unique way. How do you go about balancing these two seemingly opposing forces to create something that resonates not only logically, but also touches the emotional side of people?

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I like that, merge spirituality with strategy. Where's the first place someone would start in attempting to try to do that?

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on our episode starter packs, either at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or Spotify. For weekly inspiration and actionable insights, be sure to subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter, also at PassionStruck, where I share exclusive tools and challenges to help you apply what you learn here to your own life.

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Well, thank you for that. And I wanted to now go a little bit deeper into flow state. So in my book, I describe this as achieving the state of optimal anxiety, because the way I think about it is it's almost like you're on a tight rope and if the tight rope is not tight enough, you're going to fall off because it's got too much give in it. But if it's too tight, you can also have the same thing.

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So it's how do you balance that equilibrium between the two? So I guess as a starter, Francesca, how would you define flow state?

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I don't know if you have ever seen the work that McKinsey did on this, but they studied executives who were in the flow state and those who are not. And it actually, their findings found that people who are able to get in the flow state are able to do the same amount of work in two hours that their peers do in a full day of work. It's pretty amazing.

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And if you prefer watching these conversations, every episode is available on our YouTube channel, where you can catch video highlights, full episodes, and more. And if you truly love today's episode or any of our episodes, please consider leaving us a five-star rating and review. It helps us magnify our mission and bring more people into this community.

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Well, man, I love that. And I want to get into that. a bit more in a couple of questions. I want to talk about something that I have found impacts flow state for me. And that's the role of emotions. For example, can processing negative emotions or clearing blocks through breath work actually create a better pathway to flow?

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Well, and I've got a great follow-on to that because flow is often fleeting for most people. Let's face it, it is. People get in the flow state and they get out of it. How can hypnobreathwork or other intentional practices make flow more sustainable so that they can do what you were just talking about for a longer duration?

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Now, let's talk about our guest today, Francesca Sipma. Francesca is a former New York City advertising executive turned transformational coach, entrepreneur, and founder of Mastery, a personal development platform designed to help individuals break through subconscious blocks and and unlock peak performance.

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Okay, thank you for sharing that. And I want to get back to using this in a business context. So you have worked, as you were describing, with teams and corporate groups to achieve flow. My question here goes into, we've been talking a lot about individual flow. How does the energy of a group impact the ability to reach flow state? And how, if you're a leader...

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who wants to empower their whole group, how do they foster this dynamic trait in their teams?

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Francesca is the creator of Hypno Breathwork, a breakthrough methodology that fuses breathwork, hypnosis, and visioning to rewire limiting beliefs, eliminate self-doubt, and activate intuitive decision-making. Her work has impacted everyone from Fortune 500 executives, Olympic athletes, and high achievers worldwide.

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I think one of the things, I think it's difficult to understand on both sides. Having been a C-level executive in a Fortune 50 company myself, I think it's difficult for the employees, especially a couple rungs down, to understand just how much pressure

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how much politics, how much HR issues, how much demands there are on the executives and why they might be a bit disconnected at times as you were talking about. But I think the other thing

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That's important is the best boxes, I think, do this framework that I talk about, which is speaking with their feet, which means it's not just sitting in your office or dealing only with your peers or only trying to manage above.

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It's getting out and being with the troops and being seen and just spending a few minutes every single day asking questions, trying to stay attuned to what's happening makes people feel like they matter. And so I think that's one of the things people miss out on and they don't let themselves understand the feelings that their employees are feeling.

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So because of that, they can't be empathetic to them. Does that make sense to you?

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helping them all to access flow states, emotional clarity, and deep personal alignment. Her new book, Unlock Your Purpose, Breathwork, Intuition, and Flow State reveals how we can overcome fear, reprogram the subconscious mind, and live with greater clarity, purpose, and fulfillment. Francesca's work bridges science and spirituality, provide a powerful roadmap for personal transformation.

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I can completely relate to what you just said, and I've lived it from both sides. So much to think about there. Well, I want to take this from the business world back to the individual discussion. You've described hypnobreath work as disruptive in the best way. And one of the things that I know a lot of people struggle with is navigating resistance.

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How, both in your own journey and as you bring this method to the world, have you found hypnobreath work to be disruptive in the best way about helping people navigate resistances that they face?

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Yeah, it reminds me, I've got a good friend, Scott Simon, and he's got this wonderful book called Scare Your Soul. And he goes throughout the country getting people to do courage movements. And for him, it's using exercises and courage expanding to get your soul to move further and further out so that you go after the things you really want in life.

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So speaking of fear, I think one of the things people fear is going down the path of being an entrepreneur. Now we've seen an uptick in it since COVID hit, but in your own journey, you've had to balance being a healer and a business leader. So my question to you is what advice would you give to listeners and entrepreneurs

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In our discussion, we explore why traditional goal setting doesn't always work and what to do instead. This is something, if you want to turn back to it, you can also look to my episode with Caroline Miller, where we did a deep dive on this very topic as well. We also go through the science behind hypnobreathwork and how it can rewire your subconscious.

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on how do you navigate uncertainty like we've been talking about while you stay true to your vision?

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I also want to go into this area. You've mentioned one or two times today this concept of autopilot. And I used to like to say that so many people are living on autopilot. And as I have been doing more and more research on this, I think it's the wrong word to describe people. Because when you're on autopilot, you're typically going in a positive direction. I mean, if not, the plane would crash.

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And so I have come up with this metaphor that I think more people today are living their life like they're a pinball. They're living a pinball life and they're the ball in the game instead of learning how to play the game. And to me, that's the difference between being intentional with the choices that you make and not.

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So using that metaphor, how does your book and Hypno Breathwork encourage people to to live more aligned to playing the game instead of allowing it to play them.

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We discuss how fear and the need for certainty keep us stuck and how to break free, why intuition is the ultimate success tool, and how to strengthen yours. We do a deep dive into the role of breathwork in unlocking peak creativity, clarity, and flow, and how to take intentional action towards your highest potential. If you've ever felt held back

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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And Francesca, it's been such a great opportunity to talk to you today. If you could leave our listeners with one key takeaway from your book or your journey, what would it be?

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Okay. And then lastly, where can the audience go to learn more about HypnoBreath work, your retreats, your app, and your new book?

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Wow. You got that nailed. So, well, thank you so much for joining us today. It was such a pleasure to have you on the show.

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What an incredible conversation with Francesca Sipma from unlocking the power of hypnobreath work to breaking free from subconscious limitations. Today's episode has been a deep dive into how we can rewire our minds, access our intuition and live with more clarity, flow and purpose.

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Francesca's journey leaving the high-pressure corporate world to create a global movement for personal transformation shows us what's possible when we trust ourselves, embrace uncertainty, and take intentional action. As we close, I encourage you to reflect on your biggest takeaways from today's discussion. limiting beliefs are holding you back?

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How can you tap into your intuition and take a line to action toward the life you truly want? The tools Francesca shared today aren't just theories. They are powerful practices that can help you unblock your purpose and step into your full potential. If her insights resonated with you, I'd love for you to take a moment to leave us a five-star rating and review.

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by self-doubt, struggled to trust your instincts, or sensed you were meant for something more. This episode will give you the tools, insights, and inspiration to break through. So let's dive in. Here's my conversation with Francesca Sipma. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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Your feedback fuels the PassionStruck movement and helps us bring more impactful conversations to listeners worldwide. And if you know someone who could benefit from today's message, share this episode with them because sometimes one conversation is all it takes to ignite lasting change.

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You can find links to everything we discussed today, including Francesca's book, Unblock Your Purpose, her Hypno Breathwork courses, and her app in the show notes at passionstruck.com. You can also watch the full video version on YouTube and be sure to explore exclusive offers from our sponsors at passionstruck.com slash deals.

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Supporting our shows helps us keep the show thriving and allows us to continue delivering high impact content every single week. Speaking of impact, I am passionate about helping organizations, teams, and communities bring these insights into actionable transformation. Today's episode sparked ideas for your workplace team or leadership group. I'd love to collaborate. Visit johnrmiles.com speaking.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Francesca Sipma on How to Unblock Your Purpose Through HypnoBreathwork | EP 566

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to learn how I can help ignite intentional change and purpose-driven action through keynotes, workshops, and executive coaching. The fee for the show is simple. If you have found value in today's episode, share it with someone who needs it. And remember, apply what you hear here so that you can live what you listen. Until next time, live life passion-struck.

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I am so excited today to welcome Francesca Sibma to the PassionStruck podcast. Welcome, Francesca.

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So just to give you a little bit of background, at PassionStruck, we explore how individuals can live more intentionally, and we focus on purpose and how to create a life that truly matters. And as I was getting into your book, And preparing for this, I found that your work is such a perfect example of this ethos.

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Helping people clear subconscious blocks, tap into their intuition, achieve peak performance. I am so excited to go into your new book and into your hypno breath work So I thought a good place to start was you spent a decade in New York's advertising world, which I know how challenging that world can be before embarking on a spiritual sabbatical.

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And I think this is the first parallel that I saw between the two of us. We both had these big careers in large scale organizations, and then we both had kind of an awakening. Can you take us back to that pivotal moment when you realized something fundamental was missing in your life?

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Did you ever have this experience that you just felt so much apathy in a way that you were almost becoming numb to it?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, PassionStruck fam, welcome to episode 566 of the PassionStruck podcast.

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Francesca Sipma on How to Unblock Your Purpose Through HypnoBreathwork | EP 566

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Yeah, I think one of the best stories I've heard of that is when I talked to Gabby Bernstein and how she was facing that same thing and then had that awakening that she could either keep going down the path that she was on or she could do away with the bad habits she had, some of the things she was doing, and touch millions of people with her work.

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And I see the same connection to what you're doing. So you end up doing travels, as I understand it, through Bali, Peru, and India, and that led you into breathwork and ultimately the creation of Hypnobreathwork. What was it about this practice overall that resonated so deeply with you and inspired you to dedicate so much of your life to it.

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I have. I started doing breathwork all the way back in my mid twenties, ironically, when I was working with SEAL teams and we did a lot of yoga, a lot of mindfulness training and a ton of breathwork, both for when we were firing weapons, but more for keeping ourselves calm when you're in an operational state.

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Yeah, so I understand that the methodology combines breathwork, hypnosis, and visioning. And it was interesting because I'm not sure, I know you live in San Diego, so someone you might wanna catch up with is Mark Devine. Mark is a former SEAL and he really dives into these same three types of areas. And it was these things that helped him

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I think, be the first leader at BUDS who ever had his entire boat crew get through all of the training because he got them to use breathwork, he got them to use visioning, and he got them to really start looking at their challenges as if they were a rubber band. And that sometimes the challenge is so intense that you need to look at it as a contracted.

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And other times the challenges is more elongated, like a rubber band spread out. And I bring him into my book because it was such a powerful practice. So I wanted to ask is that as a buildup, how do these three elements work together to help people clear blocks and then achieve flow state?

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Have you ever felt stuck, like there's something more waiting for you, but you just can't seem to access it? What if the key to unlocking your full potential isn't working harder, but about rewiring your subconscious?

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So before we got started today, I told you, I got to listen in to an interview you did with a mutual friend of ours, John Kim. And one of the things I liked that you brought out that I'm going to ask you to bring out in this interview as well, is you went through a number of different examples of how intuition and this practice of hypno breath work influenced you to make, um,

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releasing fear and tapping into your intuition our thoughts emotions and behaviors are deeply shaped by subconscious patterns many of which were formed long before we were even aware of them these invisible barriers can keep us trapped in cycles of doubt hesitation or even burnout but what if you could break through them what if you could reprogram your mind

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some certain decisions that have led to positive outcomes in your trajectory. One of them was actually about John Kim. So I thought maybe that would be a good example of how you've pulled this together in a tangible way.

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Andrew Brodsky on How to Be Seen Without Being Always Available | EP 617

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Your presence here matters more than you know. Now, before we dive in, some quick updates. The Ignited Life, my new substack, is officially live. Every week, I go beyond the podcast, sharing tools, ideas, challenges, and stories to You won't find anywhere else.

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Thank you, Andrew. And I just wanted to tell the audience that if you're interested in two of these areas, perspective taking, I'll hit that one first. I would recommend that you tune back into my episode with Wendy Smith and Marianne Lewis, where we talked about both and thinking and how it can help you shift your perspective.

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And if you're interested in learning more about goals, I would recommend my episode with Caroline Adams Miller, which I did recently, where we talk about her new framework for how to do goal setting. So Andrew, I don't know if you know this, but I'm talking to you from Clearwater, but for most of my time in Florida, I've lived in St. Pete. And it turns out Wikipedia was actually founded in St.

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Pete off of Central Avenue. Most people don't know that. And the reason I bring Wikipedia up is in chapter two, you really try to tackle this myth of virtual inefficiency. And one of the platforms you mentioned is Wikipedia. And I was hoping you could go into why virtual communication can amplify productivity, not hinder it, using examples like Wikipedia.

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It's also a place where you can check out the passion struck merchandise collection here designed to reflect the mindset of living intentionally and unapologetically. You can check it all out at either the ignited life.net or as always go to passion struck.com. Our YouTube is booming. Full episodes, exclusive clips, and behind-the-scenes content are being posted every week.

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I have some real mixed emotions on brainstorming. I remember I had Jeremy Utley on the show who teaches with Perry, a class at the B school on ideal flow, and they advocate for the brainstorming method. And then I've had a whole bunch of behavioral scientists. I've recently interviewed Alison Wood Brooks, and I've had Todd Rogers on the show and Matt Abraham.

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And they talk about their cautions about brainstorming because it can sometimes lead to the loudest voices in the room not the best ideas coming out and so what my personal experience has been and i'm not sure if you would agree with me or not is i'd like to do a brainstorming session to get new novel ideas on the table

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But if you really want to be honed in on making the final decisions, I don't think having a large group of people to make the decisions on what you're going to prioritize is the best way to do it.

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Just search Passion Struck with John R. Miles or hit the link in the show notes. And one quick look ahead. Next month, we launch a brand new theme, The Art of Connection. where we explore how to build deep, authentic relationships in our leadership, our lives, and within ourselves.

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So I wanted to jump over to something that I have been told I am very good at, but when I look back on my career, I'm not sure that this is something that I should be really proud of, and that is multitasking. And it's so interesting. I had Gloria Mark on the show who wrote a book called Attention Span, and she was telling me that over the past decade, our attention has gone from

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Being able to keep it for 20 minutes, then it got into 10 minutes, then it got into four to five minutes. And today it's all the way down to 45 to 50 seconds. And we're reaching this point where multitasking is becoming a way of life almost because we're juggling so many digital platforms to do our work.

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yet it has such a negative impact on productivity and focus, which is why I love Cal Newport's book, Deep Work, which I recently did a solo episode on. So how can people who are listening to this avoid what you call frenzied focus to increase their work output without feeling overwhelmed?

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And we're kicking it off with none other than Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn in a soul-stirring conversation on presence, attention, and the heart of human connection. It's one of the most moving episodes I've ever recorded. You won't want to miss it.

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Andrew Brodsky on How to Be Seen Without Being Always Available | EP 617

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Now, this month, in honor of mental health awareness, we've been shifting the conversation, not just talking about mental illness, but exploring what it really takes to design a mentally sustainable life.

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I think that's some great advice. That's what I try to do. I try to do it early in the morning, but not first thing, especially if I'm heavily absorbed in writing tasks, but definitely around lunch.

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And then later on in the afternoon, just to make sure that I check in, but that when I'm not wanting to be bothered by it, I just put my phone in a completely different room so I don't get interrupted by it at all.

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So I know one of the things that a lot of listeners are probably concerned about is now that we're doing so much more virtual communication, How do you stand out, especially if you're in a setting where you're virtual and many of your peers are in an office setting? What's your advice on that?

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We've covered everything from emotional intelligence with Joseph Wynn to spiritual grit with Biette Simpkin to workplace mattering with Dr. Zach Mercurio and the art of adulting with Gretchen Ribbon. And just this past Tuesday, I welcomed Dr. Judith Joseph for a groundbreaking conversation on high functioning depression and reclaiming joy.

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Andrew Brodsky on How to Be Seen Without Being Always Available | EP 617

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In chapter six, Andrew, you really go into this concept that we need to build bridges, not firewalls. And this chapter is really about envisioning how your communications might be interpreted by the other person.

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And I know this is something that whether we're using text messages and email, even if we're doing a call where you're not really seen, so someone can't see your emotions, it's easy to get this wrong. And In a climate where so many employees are disengaged, how can leaders integrate this concept into their communication to build stronger trust with their teams?

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Which brings us to today's episode, which is a lead in to the art of communication and our always on virtual first world. Communication, let's be honest, has changed. but have we changed with it? Endless Zoom calls, misunderstood emails, Slack fatigue. It's easy to feel overwhelmed, unclear, or disconnected. My guest today, Dr. Andrew Brodsky, is here to challenge that.

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Thank you so much for sharing that. And in chapter seven, this was one of my favorite chapters. I love the name and the concept of wrecking ball, but what you're really going into is the fact that resolving conflicts in virtual environments can be trickier than in person. And in this chapter, you start with the Hawaii missile alert disaster where a brief message caused mass panic.

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And you write, people may hear your words, but they feel your attitude. How do you suggest we prevent the unintended emotional consequences, especially when communicating under pressure?

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He's the author of the new book, Ping, Mastering the Art of Virtual Communication. And he spent years researching how we interact in digital spaces, what works, what breaks down, and how we can do better. This episode is packed with practical advice,

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Thank you for sharing that. And I think that is something that is so important for people to understand. And another really important thing for people and the listeners to take home is what happens when we assume things, especially when we're using communication means like this. And in this next chapter, you start out using the story of Uber.

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And I was hoping you might go further into that story and use that to explain the importance of this.

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on how to communicate more clearly in virtual formats, how to avoid misrepresentation and burnout, how to build real trust, even over a screen, and lastly, how to lead more effective teams in today's hybrid world. But at its core, this conversation is about intentionality, choosing how we show up, listen, and connect in a noisy world.

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And I wanted to tackle something that I think is becoming extremely important in today's workforce, and that is communication culture. And it's something that I don't think most companies even think about. I know they're trying now to create more a culture of belonging, but if you want to have belonging, you've got to have connection. And so.

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Obviously, company culture plays a role in shaping how employees approach their communications. But what is your recommendation for how companies could incentivize better communication habits through their culture?

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Whether you're leading a team, managing clients, or just trying to keep your inbox from exploding, this episode will give you actionable ways to improve how you communicate, and more importantly, how you connect. So let's dive into episode 617 of passion struck with Dr. Andrew Brodsky.

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I think it's going to be something that people really have to tune into if you want to have a highly engaged workforce in the future. So thank you for covering that. So Andrew, our whole discussion today has been about what you can do to make virtual communication work for you.

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And we can't end this conversation without talking about the rise of artificial intelligence and other digital things that are happening that are impacting our communication. And someone may be listening to this and wondering if AI is going to replace a lot of the communication that we're doing, then wouldn't this entire book be rendered irrelevant and this conversation as well?

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Thank you for choosing passion struck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so honored and excited today to bring you Dr. Andrew Brodsky to the podcast. Welcome, Andrew. Thanks for having me on. One of my favorite questions to start these conversations is about defining moments.

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What's your response to that?

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And something you write that I think captures this really well is you say, no matter how good AI becomes,

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It can't independently engage in the elements of ping, meaning AI is unable to act on information only you have access to in your mind, fully interpret people's non-verbal behaviors by utilizing your personal knowledge of how they normally act outside of virtual communication or innately identify your personal goals. That is where you come in

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And the nature of virtual communication is that with all these advances, it will continue to shift in so many ways. Andrew, I always like to ask this question at the end. If there was one takeaway you want someone to get who picks up your book, what would be the most important one?

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Andrew, so well said. And what is the best way for people to learn more about you and the work that you're doing?

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Andrew Brodsky on How to Be Seen Without Being Always Available | EP 617

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Andrew, thank you so much for joining us today on Passion Struck. It was truly an honor to have you. It was great being on. It was really fun. Thank you. And that's a wrap. What an eye-opening and practical conversation with Andrew Brodsky. His research on virtual communication isn't just timely, it's transformational.

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Andrew Brodsky on How to Be Seen Without Being Always Available | EP 617

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In a world where remote work, digital meetings, and endless Slack messages dominate our lives, Andrew's insights pull back the curtain on what's really working what's not? His book, Ping, challenges us to stop defaulting to convenience and start choosing clarity, intention, and connection, and how we communicate every single day.

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And you certainly had one when you were 16 years old. Could you tell us that story because it's how you open up your brand new book, Ping, and explain how it shaped you from such a young age?

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As you reflect on today's episode, ask yourself, am I communicating clearly, or just sending information into the void? Where in my life or work could a more intentional, virtual presence change the outcome? And am I making space for connection or just checking boxes in my interactions?

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If this episode helped you rethink how you lead, collaborate, or even write an email, please take 10 seconds to leave a five-star rating and review on your favorite podcast platform. It helps us continue bringing you transformative conversations like this one. And if someone in your life is navigating the world of remote work or hybrid leadership, send this episode their way.

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Andrew Brodsky on How to Be Seen Without Being Always Available | EP 617

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It could shift how they show up and succeed. For all the resources we discussed, including Andrew's compelling new book, Pin, head to the show notes at passionstruck.com. And if this message of intentional living and transformational communication resonates with you, I'd love to bring it to your organization or event. I'm currently booking keynotes and workshops for 2025 and 2026.

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Visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn how we can collaborate. And don't forget to subscribe to our sub stack, The Ignited Life at theignitedlife.net. Join the ignition room for deeper community and accountability and watch the full video episodes and behind the scenes content on our YouTube channels.

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Andrew Brodsky on How to Be Seen Without Being Always Available | EP 617

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Coming up next on PassionStruck, we're launching a powerful new series on the art of connection. And there's no better guest to launch this series than the legendary Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, pioneer of mindfulness in the West, founder of mindfulness-based stress reduction, and best-selling author of Wherever You Go, There You Are, and Full Catastrophe Living.

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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So I want to go a little bit deeper into that. One of the things I have really been focused on is the science of belonging. like Jeff Cohen studies, I refer to it often as the science of mattering, but a lot of it has to do with the same thing. And when I think about the way that we're communicating today, it is definitely shaped how we show up for others.

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Has this been something you've ever thought about how our virtual communication has impacted our feeling that we matter or our ability to make other people feel that they matter?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become Passion Struck. Welcome back to episode 617 of Passion Struck.

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Andrew Brodsky on How to Be Seen Without Being Always Available | EP 617

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Thank you for sharing that Andrew. And I'm talking to you today from Austin, Texas, and I used to be a senior executive at Dell and. James F. Out of my employees only a small percentage were actually based in round rock the vast majority were in five other continents and.

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James F. Something I found when I was in that job is I ended up having to travel about half of the time overseas, because I found that no matter how many. virtual conversations I had or audio conversations, I was missing that connection with the other person that you can only get over a meal, over a conversation, over a argument, over a discussion. What does your research find about that?

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Thank you so much for sharing that. And I think that will be helpful for listeners for sure. Now, what we are talking about today is your new book titled Ping. And this book is all about how do you do effective virtual communications? And it's a topic I've never had on this podcast, which is why I am so excited to do it. And in the book, you introduce a framework using that acronym ping.

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If you're new to the show, I am your host, John Miles, and I'm so glad you're here. Passion Struck isn't just a podcast. It's a movement, a community of high performers, changemakers, and intentional seekers who are committed to designing lives of deeper purpose. resilience, and connection. And if you've been with us for a while, thank you for continuing this journey with me.

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Can you share what the components of the acronym are and how this framework can help ensure virtual communication is not just efficient, but also impactful? Happy to.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Donald Miller on the Secret to Making People Care About You

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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What if there was a proven formula, not just for clearer messaging, but for transforming the way you communicate, lead and inspire. Today, we're diving into the art and science of storytelling, how you can position yourself, your brand, or your business as the guide your audience needs most.

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So I'm going to have you go through another example, if you don't mind. But before I do, I just wanted to give you a book, if you're not familiar with it, that applies right to your family's mission. It's written by Jamil Zaki, and it's called Hope for Cynics.

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It is actually a very good book. Amazon cited it as one of their top four books of 2024. Holy. And you can go back to an episode on PassionStruck where I interviewed him if you want to take the shortcut or you can buy his book. But he's a great author. Got it. I'll pick it up.

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So I wanted to take an epidemic that's really plaguing humanity right now and maybe have you do the same exercise that you just did with your family and the veterans. And that's this epidemic of loneliness. Could you do the same thing for that? Because I think it's one of the most important issues we've got right now.

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We'll explore a timeless framework that has helped over a million leaders create messaging that cuts through the noise and builds trust that lasts. But before we dive in, let's take a moment to highlight an incredible episode from earlier this week with Wes Adams and Tamara Miles, where we explored their new book, Meaningful Work.

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It's a powerful conversation about finding fulfillment, aligning work with purpose, and creating impact that lasts. If you missed it, I highly recommend checking it out. It's packed with insights you won't want to miss. And for first-time listeners, don't forget our episode starter packs, curated playlists of the best episodes on leadership, personal growth,

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I think that's a great idea. I've recently been talking to Dr. Rick Hansen, who is really big in the compassion circle, and he started something called the Global Compassion Coalition. And as part of it, they are trying to start small groups. Men, women could be mixed where they're trying to start compassion circles. to try to spread the impact of compassion and kindness throughout the world.

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And I think what you were just saying and what they're doing have a lot of overlaps, and it's trying to pick the right people to come into that circle who you feel will uplift not only you, but will bring meaning and connection and stories to make that connection stronger. So I love what you're bringing up. Well, that sounds like a great vision. Compassion community sounds really great. I agree.

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I volunteered to start one. So I'm going to take what you just said. Maybe a good way to do it is around the breakfast table.

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So let's go back to the new release of your book for a second. Why do you feel it was time to release an updated version and how does it reflect the changing landscape of communication?

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emotional health, communication, relationships, and more. You can find them on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starterpaps. And do you want even more intentional inspiration? Subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com for weekly tools, challenges, and insights to help you create a purpose-filled, impactful life. Now, on to today's guest.

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I'm thrilled to welcome Donald Miller to the show. Donald is the CEO of StoryBrand and Business Made Simple, a nine-time best-selling author and one of the most influential voices in branding, leadership, and business growth. His StoryBrand framework has been used by world-class organizations from Tom's Shoes to Trek Bicycles to clarify messaging and drive exponential results.

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Man, I love it. It's going to be exactly what I do after I get this interview is check that out because I can't tell you how many hours I spent thinking about those things. And I have to tell you a really cool story. You talk about your breakfast meeting. I'm part of a men's group where we get together one Tuesday every month for dinner.

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And one of my best friends was on the Notre Dame national championship team from 88. And I watched this last game with him and go the way he wanted it. But interestingly enough, he has now gotten that entire team that he played with to come to where we live in Tampa Bay and

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every year and they come back and they all say it's one of their favorite events of the year and he started with six of them and he brought me in because the navy has a close relationship to notre dame and now he has 40 of his teammates who come in now every single year that gets me choked up the need and the desire for community because those guys are getting a need met that can't be met anywhere else

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He's the best. He's one of those guys that I think he spends Probably two hours on the phone, just reaching out to teammates and friends, just to, even if it's my typical conversation with them is I talk to them three or four times a week.

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And most of the time it's under three minutes, but it's typically sharing a laugh or an update, but there are very few people in my life that I have that type of bond with. So I really treasure it. Now, I wanted to ask, given that you're from Nashville, do you know Rory and AJ Vaden? I do. Yeah. In fact, they're pretty much neighbors. They live about a mile from me. I know them both.

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And Rory gave me some guidance for this podcast. And people often ask me, how did this thing hockey stick into 60 million downloads it was because i applied a principle that you talked about earlier i got very clear on what my purpose was and i excluded everything that was out of that bullseye and focused on doubling down on helping the audience with

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In this episode, we discuss the seven elements of great storytelling that clarify your message and inspire action. We go into why positioning yourself as the guide, not the hero, is the key to earning trust. Donald describes how the story brand framework applies far beyond marketing into leadership, communication, and culture.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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And then lastly, we go into the innovative AI tools included in building a story brand 2.0 that make expert level marketing accessible to all. Whether you're an entrepreneur, a creative, or a leader looking to elevate your influence, this episode is packed with actionable strategies to help you amplify your message, connect authentically, and lead with clarity.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely honored today to bring Donald Miller to the Passion Struck Podcast. Welcome, Donald.

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Well, today we are going to be discussing this book, which I have actually been using for about six years, and hopefully I'm using it in the right way. But this book has sold over a million copies, and you just came out with release 2.0 in the beginning of January. Congratulations.

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I had this pastor, I used to work for Lowe's Home Improvement, and I had this pastor in Mooresville, North Carolina. who loves Stephen Covey, and one of my favorite sermons he ever did was the main thing about the main thing is keeping the main thing.

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So if you go through that eulogy exercise and you figure out your main things, then he goes to the Eisenhower matrix and he says, well, the two metrics that you have more than anything to make sure you're keeping the main thing are your pocketbook and your calendar.

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So it's a great lesson there. Yeah. And the last thing I wanted to ask you before I ask you just for a wrap up is part of your message is that every great story includes a plan. If you think about this from an individual's journey, what are the elements of a great plan for personal transformation?

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And I should be talking as if we're on a podcast and not just showing a picture of it, but the book we're talking about is Building a Story Brand 2.0 for the listeners out there.

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i love it donald it was such a amazing time having you on today i've always wanted to have you on the podcast so this is a true honor i just wanted to end because you've given some people different ways to find you what's the next chapter chapter in your story and how do you hope to continue inspiring transformation

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I should... No better by now. So welcome to Passion Struck and your book has sold over a million copies. You've helped hundreds of thousands, if not a million business owners clarify their message and better connect with their audiences. But your work, in my view, it's more than just business. It's about connection, purpose and meaning.

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Great. Well, every time I come to Nashville, Marshall Goldsmith invites me to go on a walk with him. So next time I take a walk with Marshall, I would love to join.

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I would love to. Maybe we could get Rory to join us too. There you go, John. It was a pleasure to meet you. Such an honor, man. Thank you so much for coming on Passion Struck. Yes. God bless. And that's a wrap on today's discussion. What an inspiring and impactful conversation with Donald Miller.

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From unpacking the transformative power of storytelling to learning how to position yourself as a guide in the story of your customers. Today's episode has been a masterclass. in clarifying your message, building trust and creating meaningful connections.

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Donald's insights into the StoryBrand framework, the importance of focusing on your audience as the hero and the revolutionary tools introduced in building a StoryBrand 2.0 remind us that great communication isn't just about being heard, it's about being understood.

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His emphasis on simplifying your message to cut through the noise is a game changer for anyone looking to amplify their impact, whether in business, leadership, or life. As we wrap up, I encourage you to reflect on your own story and the way you're communicating it. How can you create clarity in your message? How can you step into the role of the guide to help others succeed?

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And most importantly, how can you use these tools to build a legacy that matters? If Donald's message resonated with you, I invite you to leave us a five-star rating and review. Your feedback helps fuel our mission to inspire intentional living and growth within the PassionStruck community.

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And if you know someone who could benefit from this episode, share it with them because sharing wisdom is one of the most powerful ways to make an impact. For links to everything we discussed today, including Donald's updated book, Building a Story Brand 2.0, and access to the Story Brand AI, visit the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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You can also watch this conversation on YouTube and explore exclusive deals from our sponsors at passionstruck.com. Supporting our sponsors allows us to continue bringing you these meaningful conversations.

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Coming up next on PassionStruck, I'm joined by Dr. Kurt Gray, the incoming Weary Family Foundation Endowed Chair in the Social Psychology of Polarization and Misinformation Department at Ohio State University. Dr. Gray is a leading social psychologist who explores the intersection of morality, politics, and belief systems.

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We explore the science behind moral transformation, the hidden power of empathy, and why understanding how people change is one of the most important skills of the 21st century. You won't want to miss it.

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Thank you, as always, for joining me here on Passion Struck. If you found value in today's episode, the fee is simple. Share it with someone who could benefit and take action to live what you listen. Until next time, live life Passion Struck.

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Why is storytelling such a vital tool for creating clarity and alignment in life and work?

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Okay, that's great. And I'm going to just show this book, The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell, because I think this is exactly what he was talking about with how storytelling through myths have transformed cultures. It's what, as you were saying, every single religion uses storytelling to try to get their message across.

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all you have to do is look back at the Third Reich to understand how well Hitler and his leadership understood the power story.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey, PassionStruck fam. Welcome to episode 590.

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Well, if you know the mechanisms that they're using, you, you definitely do roll your eyes.

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I'm going to ask a little bit more about that in a couple of questions, but I wanted to talk a little bit about Dave Ramsey. So Dave has been one of your loudest supporters and has called building a story brand the most effective framework for cutting through the digital noise.

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And when I think of Dave Ramsey's brand, I think what makes him stand out in a pretty crowded market space is how on point he is on his brand, which is really providing people financial peace, if I understand it. With distractions only increasing, why is the power of story more important today than ever before? And maybe you can use Dave Ramsey as an example of that.

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Whether you've been with us for years or are just tuning in for the first time, I am so grateful you're here. You've joined a global movement dedicated to unlocking purpose, living with intention, and creating a life that truly matters. Let me ask you a question. Why do some brands forge deep, lasting connections with their audiences while others fade into the background?

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It certainly does. And I'm going to give you a little bit of background on me that you might not know about. For years, I was a senior executive in technology. I was a CIO at Dell, where I oversaw their data strategy. And before that, I was the chief data officer at Lowe's, where I oversaw their enterprise information system strategy.

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And I remember at Lowe's, as we're looking at the strategy, we were trying to compete based on data. And one of the biggest things we were looking at was consumer data. And we developed this program called the single view of the customer where this was back 2007, 2008, we could match 92%

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of Americans and knew exactly what their shopping habits were, where they were living, when they were on vacation, when they were on a second home. It was overwhelming how much data we had and what we were trying to do is to learn everything we could about them because In a shopper's lifetime, there are only so many home remodel projects that they're going to do.

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And I know you're moving right now. So that was a sign to us that they're likely going to be spending on this new house. And so we would use this to target all kinds of different areas about them. You write about this in the first chapter of your book. You say that there's now an estimated 149 zettabytes of data. And to put that into perspective, it reaches as far as the moon.

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Let me ask you, What if the most powerful force shaping our thoughts, decisions, and even our emotions isn't our own free will, but an invisible web of algorithms that know us better than we know ourselves? What if the digital world we've built to connect us is actually driving us apart. Today's guest, Dr. Sandra Matz, is here to explain these urgent issues.

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And you write that some suggest that there are as many digital pieces of data as there are stars in the vast universe. But what really got me is when I read that these pieces separated aren't that meaningful. It's just like a puzzle. It's disconnected chaos. But once you put the pieces together, you begin to see the full picture and understand its meaning.

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And these digital traces provide a rich picture of our personal habits, preferences, needs, and motivations. In other words, you write, it's psychology.

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so it's been interesting to me as i've began to interview more and more data sciences how many of them now reside in the largest of corporations i remember at lowe's we had three or four but google has an army of them facebook has an army of them how much now in these technology corporations Are they using the science of human behavior to not only analyze us, but in many ways to control us?

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A professor at Columbia University and the author of Mindmasters, the data-driven science of predicting and changing human behavior, Sandra has spent years studying how our digital footprints, everything from the music we listen to, the places we go, and even the words we use are being used to shape our reality.

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Something I've heard you talk about in the past is self-determination theory. And I have had Richard Ryan on this podcast, who's one of the inventors of it. But for those who aren't familiar, it consists of three different things, autonomy, mastery, and connectedness. And oftentimes, I think that our autonomy and how we relate to each other go hand in hand, meaning

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I feel if you don't feel like you matter as an individual, it's hard to feel like other people matter or it's hard to feel like you matter to other people or that you can help other people matter. So how do these algorithms impact that sense of autonomy that we have? Something that Angela Duckworth would call self-control.

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I've recently been reading Malcolm Gladwell's newest book, Revenge of the Tip and Point. And When I think of this concept of a tipping point, it's this critical juncture, he describes it as getting to kind of 33%, where a series of small actions or behaviors lead to a significant and often irreversible shift.

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And when I think about this shift, and especially what these algorithms and digital technologies are doing to us, we have exceeded this tipping point now a ways back. And so this tipping point now has influenced physical targeting, our digital footprints, and again, what I call this disease of disconnect.

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In today's episode, we explore how algorithms have become the architects of our choices, shaping what we see, what we buy, and even how we feel. The concept of the digital village, how today's technology mirrors the tight-knit scrutiny of small communities, but on a global scale.

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It provides a lens to examine when and how at the society level, individual level, technology reaches a profound transformation. I wanna take this tipping point in this example of going from your small village to the digital village. I think this tipping point is really shaping how we view each other, how we view our emotions.

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And what I wanted to understand from you is now that we have gone so far in one direction, What are some of the next steps that we can take to either reclaim control or harness this technology for good?

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the hidden way psychological targeting influences everything from elections to relationships to self-perception how we can reclaim our autonomy and create a healthier more intentional relationship with the technology we use and the role of human connection in an era of digital disconnection and why our sense of mattering is at stake.

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Yeah, as you were describing that, it really made me think of the late Emil Bruneau. I'm not sure if you know who Emil was, but he was a professor at Wharton and he was really trying to look at this whole factor of dehumanization and how so much of the conflicts that we're in worldwide are because we fail to see the other side as who they are.

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So it got me thinking that a way you could use this is to really see, just take a look at Russians versus Ukrainians. If you could see who the other side was and see them as a whole person, could that change the whole perspective of seeing people as more common instead of enemies? What are your thoughts on that?

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If you've ever questioned whether your thoughts and decisions are truly your own or wondered how we can take back control in a world increasingly shaped by artificial intelligence and predictive analytics, this episode is for you. Sandra's research challenges us to rethink the trade-offs of the digital age and discover ways to reclaim our own sense of agency.

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I want to explore that a little bit more. So what you just were referring to is that psychological targeting and data collection raise profound moral questions. Through one lens, they can empower individuals and improve lives. Through another, they can manipulate and exploit vulnerabilities, especially at a macro level.

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Before we dive in, let's take a moment to reflect on my powerful conversation that I had on Tuesday with Edward Fishman, a former top U.S. State Department sanctions official. He joined me to discuss how financial leverage, supply chains, and economic choke points have replaced traditional warfare. His book, Choke Points...

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How do you think we decide as a society where to draw the ethical line and who should hold the moral responsibility for these decisions? Should it be corporations, governments, individuals? Where does this responsibility lie?

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American Power in the Age of Economic Warfare is a must-read for understanding the future of global power. And in last week's solo episode, I explored the foundational role of mattering in our relationships, why we accept less than the love we deserve, how modern dating feels like a competition, and what it takes to build lasting, meaningful connections.

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Part two drops tomorrow, where I'll dive even deeper into how to recognize the right relationships, make love last, and navigate heartbreak with intention. Want to dive deeper? Check out our episode starter packs, curated playlists on topics like leadership, mental health, and personal growth at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or Spotify.

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It sounds like what you're saying, and thank you for explaining all that, is as individuals, we don't have the power to change much. But if we start showing up as a collective with more might, then we have more influence. And this leads me into something further on in your book where you're talking about solutions and you talk about the shift to privacy by design.

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could also be a significant solution. To me, this whole privacy by design would fit with this model of the collective because it would give you that leverage that you're going to need to the companies to fulfill the promises once they've acquired your data. Is that a good way to think about it?

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So Sandra, I've been recently rewatching that short documentary that Netflix did on Chernobyl. And as I was reading your book, I came across this reference that you made to a Tooth Guardian article where journalist Cory Doctorow offered a different analogy. And he compared personal data to nuclear waste, which got me thinking about Chernobyl.

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Sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter for exclusive weekly insights, tools, challenges, and strategies to live with greater intention. Prefer a video? Join our growing community on the John R. Miles YouTube channel, where you can watch this episode and share it with someone who could benefit from Sanders Insights.

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We should treat personal electronic data the same way that we treat radiation or plutonium because it's dangerous. I like how you frame this. It's long lasting and once it's leaked, you never get it back. Just like radioactive data, our personal data can be deadly is what you write literally. Why is it so important for people to think about it in that concrete of terms?

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Now, get ready for a conversation that will change the way you see technology, autonomy, and the digital forces shaping our lives. Let's dive in with Dr. Sandra Matz. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely thrilled today to welcome Dr. Sandra Matz to PassionStruck.

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So Sandra, thank you for going into that. The last thing I want to talk to you about is the work of Esther Dyson. Do you happen to know who Esther is?

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No. So Esther happens to live in New York, but she is very well known in the startup world, right? Because she is one of the first investors in Square, Facebook, the list, 23andMe, the list goes on and on. And I was just talking to her and she is very much very concerned about what this data, the poor use of the data and its implications could have on society.

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And what she is really working on right now and loves to talk about is systems change. It's the systems, not just individual actions that shape outcomes, whether it's in health, which she's trying to do a lot of work in. You would actually love her work.

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She's trying to go into small communities and reimagine how we could do healthcare different, starting with a small village and then trying to expand it out. And so it's like the idea of redesigning healthcare. the village or in the way you think about it, redesigning the digital village.

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So if you think about, and we've been talking about this, the systematic changes that are necessary to create a healthier system, really that balances personal agency and the algorithm influence, what would some of those initial systematic changes need to be around this lens of how a person feels they matter?

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Welcome, Sandra.

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Today, we are going to be exploring your brand new book, Mindmasters, the data-driven science of predicting and changing human behaviors. Congratulations on the book and it being featured as a must-read by the Next Big Idea Club. Fantastic recognition.

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Yep, as you write, Netflix benefits and all other users benefit because your personal data never leaves its safe harbor. You don't need to trust a third party to securely store your data and use it for only the purposes it was intended. I think that's a great way to end today's discussion. Sandra, congratulations again on your book.

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And if a person wants to know about you and your research, where's the best place for them to go?

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Well, Sandra, thank you so much again for joining us here today. It was such an honor to have you.

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And that's a wrap on an enlightening conversation with Dr. Sandra Matz. Her insights challenge us to rethink the balance between connection and autonomy in the digital world, how algorithms shape our thoughts and behaviors, and what it truly means to reclaim our sense of self in an era of constant data tracking.

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As we close out today's episode, take a moment to reflect how much of your daily decision-making is truly your own and how much is being influenced by unseen forces. Are the digital tools really helping us foster deeper connection or are they pulling us further apart? What intentional steps can you take to reclaim your autonomy and cultivate more meaningful interactions in your life?

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The conversations we have on PassionStruck are meant to challenge perspectives and help you live with greater intention, whether it's in your personal growth, relationships, or the way you navigate the ever-evolving digital landscape. Share this episode with them. It might just change the way they see their world.

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All resources discussed today, including Sandra's book, Mindmasters, are linked in the show notes at passionstruck.com. If you'd like to watch the full video version, head over to the John R. Miles YouTube channel, and don't forget to subscribe and share with others who are passionate about learning and personal growth.

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I love bringing these insights into organizations and teams through my speaking engagements. If today's episode sparked new thoughts on leadership, behavioral science, and digital resilience, visit johnrmiles.com speaking to learn more about how we can work together.

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Coming up next on PassionStruck, we continue our journey into the psychology of self-discovery and personal growth with a conversation that explores self-worth, purpose, and what it truly means to live in alignment with who you are.

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In our next episode, I sit down with Natalie Namaste, a thought leader in personal transformation to explore how to break free from perfectionism and self-doubt, the key to embracing authenticity and rewriting limiting beliefs, and practical tools to cultivate inner confidence and a life filled with meaning.

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I felt the same way. I wrote a book last year, it came out in February. And when I got that recognition, it was for me a higher level of acknowledgement than any bestseller list could have possibly been.

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This is a conversation that will inspire you to let go of what's holding you back and step boldly into the life you were meant to live. You won't want to miss it.

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poking at them and who they are and what they believe and you can physically feel it thank you for being part of the passion star community your dedication to intentional living and making an impact inspires me every day and remember the fee for the show is simple if you found value in today's episode share it with someone who needs to hear it most importantly apply what you've learned so that you can live what you listen until next time live life passion strike

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I'm going to start back in your childhood because this is where you start off your book. You grew up in a small German village. And in this village, as I understand it, there were only two restaurants. There weren't any shops. What was it like growing up in that village? And I was hoping you might be able to introduce this by using the story of The Missing Rabbit.

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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And I think you found that to be even more the case as you grew into a teenager and experienced this in compounding effects when you were involved in a motorcycle accident when you were 15.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey, PassionStruck fam. Welcome to episode 578.

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So I didn't grow up in a small village like you, but I grew up in a small-knit community around the Catholic Church, and my upbringing from the time I was in kindergarten through high school, I always went to parochial schools. And so I felt like I was in this small village where everyone knew my hopes, my fears, my weaknesses, my dreams. And it gave you a sense of being seen.

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But in that small village, that was a blessing and a curse. because it shapes how you view yourself and your sense of mattering. How for you to growing up in a village shape your understanding of mattering?

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I think the important thing here is this whole contrast that we've gone from people living in these small villages where we had these communities that people existed in for really centuries and now we've gone to a global village where algorithms know even more about us than our neighbors ever could and i love what you write in the book

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You're right, but it turns out you don't have to live in a small rural community to have someone watch and influence every step you take and choice you make, which you were just describing. That's because we have digital neighbors.

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In the same way my neighbors became expert snoopers and puppeteers over time, computers can translate seemingly mundane, innocuous information about what we do into highly intimate insights about who we are and ultimately prescriptions of what we should do.

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And as I read that, it really got me into thinking how complex this becomes when these things that we don't even realize are around us are influencing our mind on what we should do, who we should be, what we should become. How does that really impact our ability to connect and feel that we have autonomy over our choices?

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I want to take a moment to thank you for being part of this incredible community. Your energy, passion, and commitment to living more intentionally inspires me every day. Whether you're a longtime listener or joining us for the first time, welcome. You've joined a global movement dedicated to igniting purpose and living boldly with intention, and I couldn't be happier to have you here.

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James and Bersabeh Ray on How to Master the 3 Human Dilemmas | EP 551

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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I'm your host, John Miles, and I hope you're enjoying this meaningful time of the year. Whether you're celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, or simply taking the opportunity to reflect and recharge. It's a season of connection, gratitude and new beginnings.

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And today's episode couldn't be more timely as we explore the foundational forces that shape our lives and the choices we make as we head into the new year. Earlier this week, I sat down with an extraordinary guest, Dr. Abraham George, a social entrepreneur whose work has transformed the lives of tens of thousands in rural India through education, public health and empowerment.

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Thank you both for sharing that. And for the audience who might not truly understand what we're talking about, In 2009, James was running a retreat that led to the death of unfortunately three participants and a number of others who were injured. And coming out of that, spent a couple years in prison as you were waiting for the trial and everything else to happen.

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At that point, when this did happen. I mean, we look at people today, whether it's Tony Robbins, Mel Robbins, Jay Shetty, I could name more. And we see them on all these shows, everyone wanting them. And that's exactly where you were. You were traveling 200 days a year, giving talks. You were wanted everywhere.

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You had, if my numbers are correct, like seven houses at that time, the primary one being in Beverly Hills, like a 7,500 square foot mansion, another one in Nevada, another one in Hawaii. And you seem at that point to have it all. But I wanna ask, now that you've gone through this and you've had to over digest some of the most difficult truths about yourself,

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How did those realization shape your view of who that person was at that time versus who you are today?

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If you missed that episode with a true everyday hero, it's one you'll want to revisit as we prepare for a year of purpose and impact. If you're new to the show, welcome to our growing community of passionate, purpose-driven individuals. With over 550 episodes, I know it can be a lot to digest.

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So we've curated starter packs to help you dive into topics like leadership, mental health, and personal mastery. You can find them either on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs. And for weekly inspiration and actionable insights beyond the podcast, Make sure to subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com.

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Yeah, so I'm going to go to a question for VersaBay, but I first want to just address this. Earlier this year, and I am releasing an episode on this in my solo episode this week about the power of gratitude. I talk in this episode about gratitude. What's happened to me at this past year, I lost my sister earlier in the year to pancreatic cancer.

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A couple months after that, we had three feet of water in our house due to Hurricane Helene. And it's nowhere near to you losing the things like you did, James, or Bersaba, how like you had to move countries and lose everything. But it does... give you pause when you have none of those material things, what really matters.

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I mean, what mattered most to me and my fiance during those moments was that we were all safe and the things that we were most emotionally devastated from were the pictures of kids and the paintings that we lost and the things that just couldn't be replaced, not really the furniture and the beds and all those things. Those really didn't matter at those times.

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It's designed to keep you motivated and intentional in your personal growth journey. And don't forget to join us on YouTube, where our community of over a quarter million subscribers continues to thrive. You can catch the full video of this episode on the John R. Miles YouTube channel and quick highlights on PassionStruck clips for bite-sized inspiration.

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And it really does give you an awakening of how important the important things are in our life and how often we take those for granted instead of doubling down on them. And I'm gonna take this into my question for you, Perciva, because you've been a critical part of James' journey of rebuilding his life after such a challenging period.

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But you too have faced challenging periods in your life and had to rebuild your life. And so I want to ask this kind of in a joint way. How do you view the role of partnership in navigating life's toughest challenges, both the way that you've supported James and the way that he has supported you on this journey together?

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Today, we explore one of the most challenging aspects of the human experience, the power to rise, rebuild, and transform after profound adversity. My guests today are James Arthur Ray and Bersabeh Ray. Together, they tackle three of the most powerful and often polarizing forces in our lives, God, money, and sex.

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Their new book, God, Money, and Sex, Understanding and Mastering the Three Human Dilemmas, offers a bold perspective on how these forces shape not only our personal lives, but also the collective challenges we face as a society. James' journey is one of triumph, tragedy, and ultimate rebuilding.

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And it definitely does. And it reminds me of something that you write in the preface of your book. everything happens for a reason. The hardest part is waiting for that reason to present itself. And I remember talking to one of the other guests who went to incarceration and he told me, and he's now a youth minister and has completely rebuilt his life.

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And in my own book, I use him at the end of the book to really profile how someone can go from being at the top to the absolute bottom and rebuild themselves. And one thing I remember him telling me is that the greatest gift that he was given was the ability to rebuild his life

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brick by brick, because he now had the awareness, being able to look back on his past self, look forward to the future self he wanted to create, how he wanted to serve humanity and how he would rebuild his life to do so in a more intentional way. Does that ring bells for you too, as well?

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Once a celebrated leader in the personal development space, featured on Oprah and in The Secret, his rise to prominence was as meteoric as his fall was devastating. A tragic incident in 2009 at one of his retreats resulted in the deaths of three participants and led to James serving two years in prison for negligent homicide.

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Well, thank you for sharing that. And I found it interesting that this book, God, Money, and Sex, has been something you've been pondering for a very long time, almost 20 years. You were represented, as I understand, by William Morris. I'm also represented by WME. And you had pitched this idea of God, Money, and Sex back to them in 2004, 2005, if I have my figures correct.

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And you decided to write a different book, which became a New York Times bestseller. Why was this topic weighing so heavily on you for over two decades?

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It was an event that not only shattered his business empire, but also left him facing the harsh realities of his choices and their consequences. In this conversation, we'll delve into the profound lessons that James learned during this period of soul searching, and how he has worked to rebuild his life and reputation.

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So I'm going to take you down a journey that heard you go down in the interviews that I've listened to. One of the most transformational books I have read, and I try to read it every year, is The Power of Myths by Joseph Campbell. And I think that myths play a huge role in our lives.

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And the reason I read his book is back in the 80s, he predicted so many of the things that we're experiencing today. And I'm just going to go through a couple of the things that he writes in the book and get your take on it. Maybe you can apply your wisdom from your book. In it, he says, people say that what we're all seeking is a meaning for life. I don't think that's what we're really seeking.

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I think that what we're seeking is an experience of being alive so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances within our innermost being and reality. So we actually feel the rapture of being alive.

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And what he's trying to say here is that we are so obsessed with the outer value of money, status, et cetera, that we forget about the inner value, our internal development. And that's all the real value there is.

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As someone who has had to grapple with public scrutiny and personal accountability, James offers a unique perspective on the complexities of the human journey, the necessity of owning our choices, and the possibility of redemption. But this isn't just a story about one man's fall and rise. It's an exploration of the universal human capacity for resilience.

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At PassionStruck, we dive into the stories of people who, despite their darkest moments, find ways to reimagine their lives, learn from their failures, and inspire others to do the same. This episode isn't about endorsing or excusing the past, but about uncovering the lessons that can guide us all toward living more intentional and purpose-driven lives.

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Well, that they certainly have. And I'm going to come back to that. But I did want to go to Bursa for a question. There's been a lot of discussion on what it means to be a woman in today's world. And I have had a number of episodes tackling this over the back half of 2024 as someone as you both have explained, who's navigated significant challenges and you've also had triumphs.

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What's your take on this? And how do you see women stepping more into their power and doing it in an intentional way?

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We'll also dive into James' new book, God, Money, and Sex, as we approach the close of this year. This is the perfect time to reflect on the influence these three forces have in our own life. Have you ever wondered how your relationship with spirituality impacts your decisions? How your views on money shape your sense of security or abundance?

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Well, and then think about women in Afghanistan as well.

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It's deteriorated.

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So yeah, I want to talk about the flip side of this. Last year I had Scott Galloway on the show and we were discussing his book Adrift, but what we were really getting into was the weakening of men in today's world and the concept of toxic masculinity. I'll ask you the flip question and either one of you can take this, but what's your perspective on the role of masculinity in today's society?

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or how intimacy and relationships influence the way you connect with others? These are the questions James and Bersabe explore with depth and clarity, offering insights that will challenge your thinking, push your boundaries, and open new possibilities for personal and collective growth.

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I want to ask a follow on about this, because one of the things that I think is plaguing society is this disease of disconnection that you just referred to, meaning we are spending so much time outside ourselves that we're not doing the self-awareness we need to grow.

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And I think one of the things that you talk about along the lines of this in the book is the necessity of critical and independent thinking, which you really do in the solace of your own mind. And we live in this world of disconnect where we see so much misinformation being presented.

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How can people cultivate this essential skill and why is it so vital in today's world where we have so many challenges going on?

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So whether you're here to learn about rebuilding after adversity, exploring how to master your relationship with spirituality, wealth, and love, or simply seeking inspiration to take ownership of your own choices, This episode has something for you. Let's dive into this conversation with James Arthur Ray and Bersabeh Ray.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so excited today to have James Arthur and Bersabeh Ray on PassionStruck. Welcome to you both. Thanks, John. Thank you for having us.

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No, keep going.

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Well, thank you for those. And I just have to say, I try to do everything that you talk about. One of the things I incorporated from my fiance is for really about the past five years, I do a daily detox. We both put drops in our water and drink it throughout the day. And I can't tell you how much better I have felt when I do that detox and have eliminated

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Using fluoride toothpaste, we only use bottled water. We test all the water that we drank, et cetera, to make sure that we're trying to eliminate as many toxins as we can, air filters throughout the house, et cetera. So I truly believe in what you're saying.

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Well, even if we just adopted some of the things that they do in Europe and don't let so many of the money driven decisions impact our food supply and other things, it would have such a profound effect. I remember my family, like many has been deeply affected by cancer. And I talked to my fiance who's in the medical profession about this all the time.

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I am really intrigued about doing today's episode. One of the things that we often talk about here are that we all have defining moments, and we're going to talk about those for both of you in a bit. But I thought I would start out with James, you and the beginning of your journey.

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And we've talked to experts who tell us that we have cures for all these cancers, but the pharmaceutical companies don't want them to come out because It would take away so much of their revenue stream. And to me, it's just one thing that truly gets under my skin where we're having so many people suffer because we're trying to keep industries going instead of making people's lives better.

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We could do a whole podcast on that.

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Well, one of the last things I wanted to talk to you about because I thought it was really an interesting point is that what we're going through today isn't a political set of challenges, but a spiritual set of challenges. And I would just hope you could go a little bit deeper about that.

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Because you've really had just a profound impact in the self-help industry, starting with your early days as a motivational speaking, and then your rise to prominence with The Secret. What initially drew you into this field and how did you discover your passion for helping others unlock their potential?

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I'm going to ask you both this final question. If you had to pick one quality that every person must develop to not just survive, but thrive, what would it be and why? I'll start out with you, Percival.

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Well, thank you both for joining me today. For those who want to learn more about you and the work that you're doing now, where's the best place for them to go?

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I have it in my, I downloaded it myself.

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Well, thank you again for joining me today. And I really appreciate the discussion.

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As we reflect on today's episode, it's clear that the topics we discuss today, God, money, sex, and redemption, are deeply personal and often challenging. They touch on the core of who we are and how we navigate the complexities of life. The insights shared by James Arthur Ray and Bersa Bay Ray encourage us to pause and examine our own beliefs, choices, and relationships with these forces.

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especially as we approach the start of a new year. December 26 is a moment to take breath after the celebrations and think about what truly matters. This time of year invites us to reconnect with our values, question what might be holding us back, and envision how we want to move forward.

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It's not about agreeing with everything you've heard today, but about engaging with the ideas and using them as a lens to reflect on your journey. As you carry these reflections into the week, consider how you might bring more intention and balance into your life. What steps can you take to align your actions with your values?

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How can you build a stronger relationship with the forces that shape your choices and your impact on the world? If this episode sparked questions or thoughts, I'd love to hear them. Please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review. It's one of the best ways to help others discover the show and join the PassionStruck community.

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And if you know someone who could benefit from today's message, please share it with them. For links to everything we discussed today, including James and Bursa Bay's new book and the tools they shared, check out the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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You can also support the show by visiting our sponsors at passionstruck.com slash deals, where you'll find discount codes and special offers from our partners. And remember, each of these resources helps fuel the show and bring you inspiring content every week. Beyond the podcast, I'm passionate about bringing these insights and strategies to organizations,

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conferences, and teams through speaking engagements. Whether it's a keynote, workshop, or team session, my goal is to help teams tap into their potential and to start making intentional, impactful choices. You can learn more at johnrmiles.com speaking, or feel free to reach out through the website.

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And if you haven't already, subscribe to our Live Intentionally newsletter for exclusive content, insights, and our weekly courage challenge, which helps you put these lessons into action. Next week on New Year's Eve, I'll be joined by Shira Gill, author of Lifestyled, your guide to a more organized and intentional life.

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Shira's work offers simple practical tools to help you bring clarity and purpose to every area of your life, from your home to your relationships, your health and beyond. It's the perfect episode to help you start 2025 with intention and focus.

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Thank you for spending your time with me today. As we close this chapter of the year, remember to reflect, reset, and take steps towards living the life you envision. Until next time, live life passion struck.

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And I understand that although your career was going well, it was really the secret that unlocked just a transformational moment for you. Can you take us back in time to that period?

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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And I'm gonna come back to that here in a second. I wanted to first introduce some of Bersabé's background Because you had quite a different upbringing. You were born in Iran and were living in the midst of the Iran-Iraq war back in the early 80s.

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And you witnessed some horrific things, such as your parents being taken away when you were only four, then having to get smuggled out of the country, etc. What were those formative years like for you?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome to episode 551 of the Passion Struck Podcast.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Rosalind Chow on How Sponsors Fuel Your Career Growth | EP 602

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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What if the greatest barrier to inclusion wasn't lack of ability but lack of visibility? And what if every one of us, regardless of our title,

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Yeah, it's almost impossible. It's a great thing to shift your perspective from understanding the plight that others face. But until you walk a day in their shoes, you don't really realize the long-term impacts it's had on them from the day they were born up through now. I wasn't trying to go there with it.

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I was just trying to say that books like that and I think the reason Sean encourages so many people to read them is it just gives a good historical perspective in detail of all the events that made Malcolm feel less than and that he wasn't being seen, valued as a human being and why he became so resentful and then

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took on such a large cause and became so passionate about doing something to encourage change.

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well i think for listeners we've got all kinds of listeners of various types on the show and for me i'm probably a little bit more accustomed to asking questions and thinking about this because my niece and nephew are black and so i have

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has the power to change someone else's trajectory simply by seeing them today i'm joined by dr rosalind chow acclaimed organizational psychologist researcher at carnegie mellon and author of the powerful new book the doors you can open a new way to network build trust and use your influence to create a more inclusive workplace this is a conversation about more than networking

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It's opened my eyes through hearing their stories and seeing their journeys, what it's like for them and what it's been like for my brother and sister-in-law to raise them. But anyway.

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Well, a lot of them haven't done that work to really put themselves in another person's shoes. So I think they would probably approach it in a way that comes much more through the lens of their own life without seeing the trials and tribulations that others have had to go through and how subtle

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those can be, but how profound it can be in shaping someone's life and feeling that they're an outsider in a different person's world, where it's hard to perceive that if you've been the insider your entire life and have never had that perspective of being the outsider.

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It's about the power of sponsorship, stepping beyond advice to actively reshape how others are seen. In today's episode, we discuss why sponsorship, not mentorship, is the missing piece of equity. What we can learn from the story of Kim Eng and Derek Jeter. How listening, not advising, is the first step to inclusion. Why sponsorship is a courageous act.

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I think that's some really great advice. And for listeners, if you want to take what Rosalyn has just said and go even deeper into some of my past episodes, I'd encourage you to look at the ones that featured Alison Wood Brooks. She has a recent book that came out called Talk, and we discussed just this point in our interview.

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But I would also encourage you to go back and listen to the conversation I had with Charles Duhigg about his book, Super Communicators, and Matt Abrahams and Todd Rogers as well. They're all great episodes on the practice of communication and

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I have to tell you Rosalind about an exercise that I did that similar to what you're describing, it was about communication, but it was about our nonverbal communication. I was doing an improv class and we would do these exercises before the class began.

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And one of the first ones we did was she would play music and then we would stop and whoever we were next to, we would do the exercise with, but this exercise was one that Where you just had to stare at the person for five minutes without saying anything. But try to convey to them an emotion or a thought that you were half having.

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And for me, I ended up getting paired with someone who was my kid's age. So there was a big age discrepancy. And I remember just sitting through that five minutes feeling like it felt like it was eight hours.

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Definitely. I think when they told us what the exercise was going to be ahead of time, I had one emotion I wanted to convey. And then when I actually got paired with the person it was, I mean, it wasn't who I expected it was going to be. I had to change that emotion, so to say.

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and a risky one, how every leader, every person can become a force for mattering. If you've ever felt unseen in your career or wanted to champion others more powerfully, this episode is for you. And in case you missed it, earlier in the week, I spoke with Yonge Mingur Rinpoche about discovering peace through panic and awakening the goodness already within you.

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Absolutely. That, you even notice the most subtle things, the way the mouth moves, not only the way that they're looking at you, but how their body posture changes, whether they're leaning in or leaning out, how their head tilts. There's so much that you get from the nonverbal cues that we typically don't even lean into when we're communicating with someone.

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Well, I want to dive into your book some more. So you open the book with the story of Kim Eng, who, if people don't remember who she is, Derek Jeter became part of the ownership for the Miami Marlins and brought Kim in to be the general manager. And she was the first general manager I'm aware of any major sports team and

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Yes. And as I was reading about this in your introduction, what was significant to me was she's in front of all these reporters in her first question and answer session. And instead of asking her about how she was going to lead the team and about her strategy, et cetera, they started asking her more questions about perseverance and Why did you find that to be so significant?

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And you keep going into this story, and I think it's a good one to make this distinction between mentorship and sponsorship, because Derek Jeter ended up playing a pivotal role for her as a sponsor. So maybe through this lens of their relationship, you can show what's different between a sponsorship type of relationship like they had versus a mentorship one.

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And in my Friday solo episode, I explored the hidden link between serendipity and mattering. and how unexpected moments of meaning often arise when we're most present. As part of that journey, we also launched The Ignition Room, a powerful new community space for PassionStruck listeners to connect, reflect, and grow intentionally together.

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That's interesting. I was so glad to hear you write about Derek Jeter because I used him in one of the chapters in my book as well.

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And I think there's so many things when you start examining his life and you start hearing the stories of past teammates of not only was he a great player, he was such a great role model for so many of the other team members that he had, which is why he became the captain and I think had such a long career because he really modeled

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a lot of the values that he wanted his teammates to show on the field. And I imagine as a major league owner, he was probably taking much of the same approach of modeling as an owner, what he wanted the whole brand and club to be about.

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So I think from a sponsor standpoint, that would have been some great traits for Kim to have with someone like that who would really echo the type of team that she wanted to build. As I think through what would have played had Derek not left that team just a few years later.

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It's your place to deepen the ideas we discuss here and spark new ones of your own. Links are in the show notes. And if you're new to the show, check out our curated starter packs at Spotify or passionstruck.com slash starter packs or explore the ignition room. Now let's dive into this profound and practical conversation with Dr. Rosalind Chow.

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It's absolutely true. So I can imagine being in an academic setting like you are that, let's just say Ed Diener was your sponsor coming into a university. And then after a while, Ed ends up retiring and unfortunately he's passed away at this point.

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But you were brought in as a sponsor him, and then he leaves different leadership comes in and you've lost that that connection, that sponsor who really carried a lot of weight, which can put you as the person who was working under him in a lot of peril. And I think this happens in sports teams. It happened to me in work environments more time than I'd like

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to acknowledge it happens when you're in a work environment and you ask employees to follow you. And then if something happens to you, there's typically a ripple effect to them. So there are a lot of risks of sponsorship that I think we don't really acknowledge. And it's something that I think you did a great job with of that Derek Jeter relationship with Kim.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so excited today to have Rosalind Chow on PassionStruck. Welcome, Rosalind. How are you today?

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they have and sometimes we find out that we don't have as much influence as we would have hoped that is a great story and i think it's we've given a few good examples on the risk sponsorship i think it's important that on the flip side we go over some of the greatest rewards of sponsorship both for the sponsor and the protege so i was hoping you could dive a little bit into that

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Oh, I am so ecstatic to have you. And we've been discussing doing this for a while, and it coincides with the launch of your brand new book, The Doors You Can Open, a new way to network, build trust, and use your influence to create a more inclusive workplace. Congratulations on its release.

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Well, thank you for sharing that. And when I think back of Derek Jeter being Except in the Hall of Fame, I don't have the statistics correct, but I believe he got the most votes of anyone of all time. That's right. If I had my research in the back of my head right and was a first time, first ballot Hall of Famer.

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Rosalyn, one of the things that I wanted to go into is that you argue that sponsorship isn't just about who deserves a chance. but about actively shaping how others see them. And I have been doing a lot of work around the topic of mattering, which really plays into this idea of not only do we matter to ourselves, but we are shaped by how other people feel that we matter.

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How do you think this ends up playing out in the real world?

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So I'd love to start these conversations out with this question. We all have defining moments that shape who we become, our values, et cetera. What's a defining moment for you?

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And I want to talk about a couple of the barriers that have gotten in the way of people being sponsored. And one of them has to do with how we started out the whole conversation. So women and people of color often have to prove themselves repeatedly before getting sponsored, which also impacts their sense of mattering, as you just discussed.

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What can leaders and organizations start doing to break that cycle?

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I think we tend to sponsor people who sometimes look and feel like who we are. And because of that, it's who we notice. And I think where I'm trying to go with this is what are some ways that we can be more intentional about noticing talent beyond our immediate circles or

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zones of safety because oftentimes we don't want to sponsor someone because they look different or feel different or we feel like our sponsorship wouldn't apply to them because they're part of a different community and i think it's barriers like that get in the way okay i see yes and so i think this is actually where it would be really helpful to go back to what we were talking about at the beginning which is seeing each other

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And that leads me to another situation where many professionals get to the point where they feel uncomfortable advocating for others because they fear it will backfire or potentially cause them political capital loss. What are some ways that a listener can navigate those concerns?

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Absolutely. And then my last question for you, Rosalind, is for the younger listeners who are on the show, how can they like interact with sponsors earlier in their careers and take power of this incredible source that can propel them forward?

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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I love that. And I think it's a great place for us to end today. So the question is not what you want, but what impact do you want to make? And I think that's a great way to think about it and the way we should all think about what our long-term desires are. Rosalyn, it's been a great conversation.

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Where can listeners go to learn more about you, your book, your work, and to start sponsoring others today?

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Rosalind, such an honor to have you today. Congratulations on the new book and thank you so much for taking your time to join us on Passion Struck.

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And that's a wrap on today's powerful conversation with Dr. Rosalind Chow. If there's one thing I hope you walk away with, it's this. Opportunity isn't just about climbing the ladder. It's about building the staircase for others. Influence isn't measured by what you say, but by what you're willing to risk for someone else. And inclusion doesn't happen by accident.

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It happens when we choose to see the invisible. As Rosalind reminded us, sponsorship isn't just a strategy, it's a human act of courage. One person who sees your potential can change your life, and you have that power too. If this conversation moved you, please take 10 seconds to leave a five-star rating or review on Apple or Spotify.

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It helps more people discover these ideas and join this movement. You can also watch the full video episode on the John R. Miles YouTube channel where we post visual deep dives in exclusive moments you won't hear anywhere else. While you're there, hit the subscribe button.

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And if you're part of a team, company, or community looking to build a culture of intentionality and purpose, I'd love to speak with you. Visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn more about how I work with organizations around the world to create lasting transformation.

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Coming up next on Passion Strike, I sit down with Tom Schaar, Olympic silver medalist and skateboarding legend, to talk about resilience risk and what it means to push limits, both on the ramp and in life.

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Until then, remember, the fee for this show is simple. If you found value, share it. But more importantly, live it, because knowledge alone doesn't change the world. Action does. Until next time, live life passion-struck.

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Thank you for sharing that. And as you were talking about it, I'm not sure why this person came in my mind, but I recently interviewed Lori Santos, who's a peer of yours at Yale. And we started our conversation talking about how she started her course on the science of wellbeing, which has now become, I guess, the most popular course in Yale's history.

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But she really went into the backstory of she became a den mom, started living on campus and started to hear all these stories of how so many of the students were struggling and that led her to creating the program. And I'm wondering, is there a backstory like that about key things that you focused on with the Executive Leadership Academy?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Welcome to episode 602 of passion struck.

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I want to lean more into this and explore it a little bit more, and then I'll go into other aspects of your book. But I think this is an important reflection point for people. So I had a previous guest on the program, happens to be a golf coach. And one of the things that was inspirational for me about this discussion is I came out of it with him encouraging me to read the story of Malcolm X.

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And I read his whole book to understand his life. And it really gave me a completely different perspective of all the things that shaped him becoming him and why he took on such a powerful role and was willing, as I would say in passion struck terms, to risk it all to try to really broadcast this equal rights movement.

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And when you were working on this program from someone who's not part of that community, What did you learn by going through it and seeing yourself in someone else's shoes and the trials and tribulations that still exist in modern day America and quite frankly, all over the world?

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Whether you're joining for the first time or returning to the show, I want to thank you. This is more than a podcast. It's a movement to explore what it means to live intentionally, grow meaningfully, and make what truly matters matter most. So let me start with this. What if career success wasn't just about talent or hard work but about who is willing to open the door for you?

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Thank you for sharing that. The coach I was talking about and want to give his name out initially is Sean Foley. He at one point coached Tiger Woods probably through Tiger's most tumultuous period right after he had the famous event and had to rebuild his career.

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But the other thing about Sean that's really interesting is he got a full scholarship to play golf, but he got it at Tennessee State University, which is a historically black university. So he went in having the opposite happened to him as a white Canadian going into pretty much a 99% black school and how it completely changed

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his own perceptions of self, but also helped him to lean into the other side and to understand that culture much more, which is why he started reading books by Malcolm and Nelson Mandela and MLK and others. So just thought I'd share that because I really do think there's something there about humanizing the other side and Emile Bourneau's work when you step into the other person's shoes.

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Alison Wood Brooks on How to Make Every Conversation Matter | EP 563

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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And I mean, I have a couple of good examples of this. Sometimes. I am not the best, especially after I've worked all day of keeping my attention span intact. And I know my fiance is constantly all over me because I will tune out. And when you do that, you're really showing the person that perhaps they don't matter.

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Have you ever paused to consider the profound impact conversations have on our lives? Every word we share, whether in a casual exchange, a high stakes negotiation or an intimate heart to heart has the power to transform relationships, forge authentic connections and illuminate our deeper purpose. Communication isn't just an exchange of words.

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And so for me, it's something that I really try to keep that focus there to make sure that the valuable time we have, she does realize how much she matters to me. And I think another great example of this I'll just use one from my my past. I used to be a senior executive in fortune 50 companies. And I had this role at Lowe's where I had just gotten to Lowe's.

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I inherited a group of people who had the lowest engagement scores in the entire company. And what I found was that. above all, they didn't feel like they mattered. They didn't matter to the mission. They didn't feel like they mattered to the customers. They didn't feel like anyone cared about them.

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And so one of the major things I did was I tried to have, I tried to treat the conversations I had with my employees as opportunities to affirm their value. How can someone who's listening to this use communication in their everyday life to intentionally show others that they matter?

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It's the foundation of understanding, the bridge to belonging, and the key to unlocking meaning in our lives. Today, we're going to dive into the art and science of communication, uncovering how intentional dialogue can deepen connections and enrich every facet of our existence. If you're new here, welcome.

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Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. And I just want to mention to the audience, I've done two recent solo episodes on things that Alison brought up. Episode 531, I did a whole discussion on neurodiversity and my focus for it was the topic of overcoming a lost mind. And I focused specifically in this one on bipolar. And I used the story of Andy Dunn in this.

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And then more recently, I did another episode 543 on how to bridge the gap between knowing and doing. So both of them touch on behavior science and they're both further episodes you can tune into. So I want to go to your course because you can't do an interview with you without bringing up its name. How to Talk Better in Business and Life. It's both catchy and it's profound.

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And it's a class I wish I would have had at the Naval Academy because I think it would have helped us as officers. How did you come up with the idea for that name? And what surprises you the most when you're teaching this course?

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You've described conversation as more than just an exchange of words. It's a tool for, as I would say, creating, mattering and building trust. And I remember interviewing Angela Duckworth and I was talking to her about the lens I talk a lot about it, which is intentionality. And for her, that really equates to the study of self-control in the work that she does.

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How does, whether you call it intentionality or self-control, play a role in helping us transform everyday conversations into something that's more meaningful?

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You have just joined a global community dedicated to living with purpose, unlocking potential, and making a lasting impact. I am so glad to have you with us. Before we dive into today's episode, let's take a moment to reflect on my incredible conversation I had earlier this week with Dan Heath, a number one New York Times bestselling author, about his latest book, Reset,

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how to change what's not working. In this conversation, we did a deep dive on inertia and whether at work, in personal habits, or in our relationships, how we can identify leverage points and make intentional, meaningful changes. Dan's practical tools for unlocking progress were a game changer, and I encourage you to check out that episode if you haven't already.

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Yeah, I remember especially as I was in meetings and trying to sway people's minds or if I'm on sales calls, especially if I'm meeting someone for the first time or first couple of times.

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I used to do all kinds of research and I would keep interesting facts about them that I could use to prepare for the meeting that if something came up, I could give a tidbit to let them know that I did my homework, which would cause them to warm up, feel like I was making them matter. And it 99% of the time produced a much better outcome.

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Another thing I just was thinking of is I've been doing a lot of conversations recently on spirituality and intuition. How does our intuition play a role in how we should approach a conversation?

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And if you want to take the insights even deeper, don't forget to check out our episode starter packs with over 560 episodes online.

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we know it can be overwhelming so we've curated playlists on themes like leadership personal growth emotional well-being and mental health you can find them on spotify or by visiting passionstruck.com starter packs for weekly inspiration and actionable tips be sure to sign up for my live intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com it's packed with exclusive content challenges and tools

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Thank you for sharing that, Alison. And I wanted to get into the heart of your book. The title of your book, Talk, is not only a title, it's a framework and a game changer for conversations. So I want to have you break down topics asking levity and kindness, because to me, it feels like a guide to creating conversations that matter.

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Could you go over each component and how it helps someone foster self-mattering and making others feel seen?

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to help you put the lessons from our episodes into practice. And if you prefer watching these conversations, all our episodes are available on our YouTube channel, where you can catch the videos and share them with others in your life who are passionate about growth. Head over to our YouTube channel at John R. Miles. Today, I am thrilled to welcome Dr. Alison Wood Brooks to the show.

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Well, before you go to levity, can I ask you a superhero follow-up question?

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So in the book, you were talking in this chapter, you've got a subsection, what's with all the questions. And you mentioned that some of the kids, especially where you teach are from other countries. And so when they're dealing in our culture, they don't know what is too many questions, et cetera. And you go into this whole thing about speed dating, which caught my eye.

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But the fundamental question you're trying to answer here, is there a tipping point when many questions become too many? Can you maybe explain this speed dating example as a way to answer that?

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Alison is a behavioral scientist and award-winning professor at Harvard Business School and the author of the highly anticipated book, which came out earlier this week, The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves. She's a leading expert on the psychology of conversation and has spent her career researching how we communicate and why it matters.

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Thanks for going there. And now I'll let you go to levity.

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They are. And I was listening to another episode that you did on another podcast and I would have frozen in my shoes because the first question they asked you was to tell a dad joke.

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Yeah, that seems like one that the host should have reached out to you beforehand to let you know, because even if I had one, when you're put on the spot like that, it's so hard to just produce it.

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You talked about your kids and you said you'd been reading a lot of books around Halloween. And so you turned it into a Halloween themed joke.

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In this episode, we explore her talk framework, topics, asking, levity, and kindness.

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Follow-up question to that is one of the things that caught my eye in this chapter, one of the things that you write about is callbacks. And you say in your class, you ask students to identify their favorite person in the world to talk to. And then you ask them to initiate a new conversation with them and record it. Why were callbacks such an interesting aspect of what you found out from that?

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which isn't just a guide to better conversations but a roadmap for building trust deepening relationships and creating a greater sense of matter in yourself and others we'll unpack why authentic connection feels so rare in today's world and how intentional communication can remind us and those who we interact with that we are valued whether you're looking to improve personal relationships navigate workplace dynamics or handle conflict with grace

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I do improv too. And I've done freestyle and I've done long form and short form and

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And another way to do that is through active listening, which is one of the most powerful ways to show kindness. Yes.

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Today's conversation is packed with actionable insights. In today's discussion, you will discover how conversations are more than just words. They're opportunities to make others feel seen, valued, and heard. She and I will discuss practical strategies to approach even the most difficult conversations with curiosity and kindness.

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Okay, and one other area I wanted to hit on in our time left is I recently did an episode on dehumanization, and I featured Emil Bruneau, who you might have known, and the work that Jamil Zaki is also doing. In your book, this title of this section caught my attention, The Contagion of Disrespect. And it really goes into how language can either humanize us or dehumanize us. and tear us apart.

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Why is this such an important thing for us to think about?

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We go into how to actively listen in a way that fosters trust and understanding. and we discuss why intentional communication is key to creating relationships that matter. By the end of this episode, you'll walk away with tools to improve your communication and build connections that reinforce self-worth and deepen relationships.

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Well, I love that we're ending there. And Alison, your work really highlights that every conversation is an opportunity to matter and to help others feel like they matter. And I really hope listeners today can carry this mindset into their daily lives. And we just touched on the surface of your book. So I'd encourage them to buy a copy of it. It's going to be one of those

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that you're constantly going to refer back to. And if I were a bit younger, I'd try to go and either audit or take your class because it sounds so interesting.

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And Allison, last question is, where's the best place people should go to learn more about you?

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Well, thank you so much for joining me today. It was such an honor to have you.

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What an insightful and transformative conversation that was with Dr. Alison Woodbrooks. From unpacking the hidden architecture of conversations to exploring the profound role communication plays in self-mattering and making others feel valued, today's discussion has been nothing short of a masterclass in intentionality and connection.

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Alison's talk framework is a powerful reminder that our words have the ability to build trust, deepen relationships, and create a sense of mattering for ourselves and those around us. By applying her principles, we can transform even the simplest conversations into opportunities for meaningful impact and greater alignment in our lives.

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As we close, I encourage you to reflect on the conversations in your life. How can you use Dr. Brooks' insights to approach them with greater intentionality, deepen your connections, and remind others they truly matter? Whether it's by asking more thoughtful questions, bringing a little levity, or simply listening with kindness, the steps we take today can shape the relationships we cherish most.

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If Allison's message resonated with you, please take a moment to leave us a five-star rating and review. Your feedback fuels our mission to bring impactful conversations to the PassionStruck community. And if you know someone who could benefit from Allison's wisdom, share this episode with them. A single conversation can be the start of profound change.

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For links to everything we discussed today, including Allison's book, Talk, visit the show notes at passionstruck.com. The video version of this conversation is available on YouTube. And don't forget to check out our sponsors and deals at passionstruck.com slash deals. Supporting our sponsors helps us keep bringing these meaningful conversations to you.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely thrilled today to bring you Dr. Alison Wood Brooks. Welcome, Alison.

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Before we wrap up, I want to remind you that I'm passionate about sharing these insights with organizations and teams through speaking engagements. If today's episode inspired you and you think my message could bring value to your company, visit JohnRMiles.com slash speaking to learn more.

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Next week, I am thrilled to bring you a captivating conversation with my friend, Dr. Dave Vago, a renowned neuroscientist and mindfulness expert. In our discussion, Dave dives into the fascinating intersection of neuroscience and mindfulness. exploring how our brain's intricate pathways shape our sense of belonging and purpose.

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It's a powerful discussion packed with insights to help you cultivate inner peace and live more intentionally. You won't want to miss it.

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Remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who could benefit. And as always, apply what you hear on the show so that you can live what you listen. Until next time, live life passion-struck.

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I've been looking so forward to this conversation. I got your book about six weeks ago, and it's just such an important topic that we're going to be getting in today. And the book, just so I can make it be the first thing we talk about, is titled Talk, The Science and Art of Conversation. Congratulations on its release.

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I love to start these episodes out by giving the audience some background and you have had an incredible journey from Princeton to Wharton to now Harvard. What sparked your passion for behavior science and ultimately the study of conversations?

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I'm going to get to your course a little bit later, but I wanted to ask about one of the people you mentioned from Wharton and that's Maurice Schweitzer, because as I was doing research on you, you happened to mention in another interview that collaborating with Maurice inspired you to pursue this path and part of the way that you teach.

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What was it about his approach that resonated with you and shaped your own teaching and research?

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Well, I love that. And that whole something that's real, I think is very tangible. My son is right now going, he has a undergraduate in business and he's been pursuing another undergraduate in music production. And what I like. What I, and I know you're in a band, so he plays percussion and he does all the production for the band and also plays piano, but he can play both.

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Our kids started playing piano so they can play multiple instruments.

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Well, he keeps the beat. It's interesting. Josh went to a well-known middle school in Austin, Texas, and they had so many kids trying out for the band. I mean, this middle school band had 200 kids in it that the only way they would allow someone to try out to be in percussion was if you had a background in piano. And he had never played before, started playing percussion, I think in...

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maybe halfway through sixth grade, early seventh grade. And by the time he graduated middle school, he was the fifth chair in Texas. So just had an inherent talent for it.

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But where I was going with this is what I love about where he's going to school is all his exercises, he says, are extremely difficult, but they're making him do everything as if in the exercise, the people he's dealing with are actual clients.

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And they're treating it as if it's client interactions in the real world, which he really values because he thinks it's going to really help him longer down the road to be better at his craft.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome to episode 563.

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I absolutely love it. So, Thanks. Speaking of your classroom, you describe conversations as a coordination game that involves relentless micro decisions. And when I think of micro decisions, it's something that I talk about here on the podcast. I refer to them as micro choices.

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How does this perspective on micro decisions or micro choices help us better understand their role in fostering self-worth and meaningful conversations?

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Well, it's a topic that is really important to me because when I was a young kid, I had a traumatic brain injury and it caused me to have speech impediments. I'd had some cognitive issues as well. And so I didn't want to use my voice because I was so worried about mispronouncing things, talking before I could think about things or miscommunicating.

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And it's really been a deliberate focus of mine for decades. to be able to communicate the way I do, but I still struggle. And I'm sure others who are listening do too. And this leads me to this question. We all have moments when we question whether we matter to others. How can being intentional about the way we communicate influence our sense of self-mattering?

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I love that. I love that.

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No.

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I think so. What is this person's name that wrote this?

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I am so glad you shared this and I think it's something I want to explore a little bit more because I think there are a lot of people out there who really feel stuck. I call it on the show, quiet desperation, where they get in a situation where they're making the money, they have the quality of life they think, but they tend to be chasing the wrong things and their life is out of balance.

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That is exactly what happened to me. And how does someone who's in this position take the steps to get their way out of it? Because it's much easier to talk about it than it is to actually do it.

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What if the only thing standing between you and your biggest dreams isn't a lack of talent or opportunity, but a lack of audacity? What if the bold risks we shy away from are actually the ones that could transform our lives? And how do we dismantle doubt and step into the courage required to chase what truly matters?

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It absolutely is the truth. And I think one of the things that I found when reading your book on this chapter that we're talking about is, is you're right. There isn't one reason to make a change. Everyone has a different rationale. But be careful about external motivation centered on others. Sometimes we may want to prove something wrong or make them feel proud of us.

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Other times we seek approval from those we esteem and aim to please them. We may do something audacious or take a risk because we want to put it on social media to impress people. Where I'm going with here is a lot of times we take these risks for external reasons.

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But what I have found is that if you're going to take a risk, the ones that I have done in the past that are focused on external seem to have a high failure rate. The ones that I have done that are based on intrinsic motivation tend to have a high success rate. Do you find a correlation in that?

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That's exactly what we're diving into today with my guest, the extraordinary Anne-Marie Anderson. a three-time Emmy Award-winning broadcaster for ESPN, keynote speaker, and now the author of her powerful new book, Cultivating Audacity, How to Dismantle Doubt and Take Bold Risks. Anne-Marie's story is a masterclass in resilience, reinvention, and the empower of intentional risk-taking.

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I like this section of the book where you were talking to, it was before you even launched your career and there was an advisor who was talking to about a hundred of you and said that maybe one of you out of the hundred has a chance to be in broadcasting. And to be successful.

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And I would think when you started, that would have been even more daunting as a female at that time in a very male dominated one broadcasting, but two sports broadcasting world. So I think oftentimes we hear something like that. It could be a teacher, could be a mentor we have. It could be a coach who gives us the barriers to be successful and we end up giving up all hope and don't pursue it.

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For you, what led you to hear that and have the audacity to pursue it no matter what?

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because i think that's what really differentiates the people who go for it and i'll just make the correlation here like when i started this podcast people were telling me why are you even starting a podcast they're like three million of them this thing is never going to be a success and if i had listened to them i wouldn't be here talking to you it's the same thing as you started your career exactly and can i ask you a quick question before i answer

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I started it because I was called to serve people and I felt that the best way to do it and to get my message out was I needed a vehicle to do it. I didn't care about making money. That was never the goal. I didn't care about how many downloads I got. That wasn't the goal. I just felt if I could influence one person, it could have a ripple effect.

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So I want to jump to the area of preparation. And I remember doing an interview with Susan Cain and I was talking to her about her Ted talk that went viral. I think she has 40, 50 million views on it. And It was such a well-done, well-rehearsed TED Talk. And she said, well, what people don't see is the 200 times I did it and failed.

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From her days as a standout collegiate volleyball player to her groundbreaking career covering six Olympic Games, heavyweight title fights, and the Super Bowl, she continually pushed the boundaries of what's possible. In today's conversation, we explore how Anne-Marie made audacity her superpower, navigating setbacks with grit and grace.

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Because I practiced it so many times before I got up there in front of that stage and tried all different types of ways to approach it before I got confident in how I wanted to deliver it.

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one of my other favorite interviews on the show was with sally jenkins who i'm sure you probably know and i was interviewing sally about her book the right call but she was talking to me about her time observing the most elite of elite athletes and she was telling me that what she saw differentiate them

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from even A-level athletes was this extraordinary mental and physical preparation that they do that just goes above and beyond. And using that as a backdrop, how do you see this relationship between preparation, our mindset, and then our willingness to take audacious leaps?

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I completely agree with you. And as people have come on the podcast, I get a lot of people who say your interviews are different from everyone else's. And I say, well, that's on purpose because I try to do so much research that I don't want to have the same interview someone else has with a guest because then what's the point if they've already done it?

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My favorite thing is when I have a guest and I ask a question, I go, no one has ever asked that to me before. Yes, exactly. Exactly. But it's not like Barbara Walters became Barbara Walters because she just came up with the questions on the fly before she had a guest. I have to imagine that she dedicated herself to the art of preparation to become the person that she was.

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We explore the lessons she's learned from legendary coaches and athletes about achieving greatness. And then we go into her strategies for dismantling self-doubt, recalibrating rejection, and taking risks that matter. Anne-Marie's insights go beyond her incredible career. They challenge us to rethink our mindset, action, and sense of belonging.

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And I think the same thing goes with anyone in their field.

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And Maria, I want to jump to a different area of showing audacity, and that is showing audacity to our kids. And as I was reading your book, something really struck me. My grandmother used to always tell us when we were kids how she always wanted to go to medical school and never found her way to do it. And I can't tell you how many times I heard her tell us this regret.

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And in the book, you talk about your mom, who's 93 years old, and she told you one time, Ann Marie, I envy you. because I always wanted to work outside the house, but never figured out how to do it. And I mean, it's an emotional statement, both of them, because it's like a big part of who they are got trapped and never got to express itself, which is very sad.

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But I think there's a big lesson here that we can learn from this on how by the fact that we're willing to take risks shows our children that it's okay to be brave as well. And I was hoping you might be able to talk about that.

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Whether you're at a crossroads in your personal journey, striving to lead with intention, or simply looking for the courage to take your next big leap, this conversation will leave you inspired and empowered. And for those of you who want to go deeper, check out our episode starter packs at either Spotify or passionstruck.com slash starter packs.

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I think it's so important. And I remember one of these things also comes to, I think, helping our kids see their failures. And you were in this interview talking about your 12 year old who at the time was having some confidence issues and some body image issues, which I think whether you're a male or a female, we all go through it.

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I grew up as a heavyset kid and I can't tell you how much that affected how I viewed the world and looked at myself. And I loved how you helped your 12 year old through this. And I was hoping you might be able to share the story.

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With over 500 episodes, we've curated playlists on themes like leadership, mental health, and personal growth. to help you find the inspiration that resonates most with you. And don't forget to subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com for exclusive weekly insights, tools, and actionable strategies to live with greater intention.

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So I wanna take you to a famous athlete. And I think we all have moments in our life, some larger than others, where we have to redefine how we're approaching life. And the story I wanna talk about is Tiger Woods. Here you have a world-class athlete who's on the top of his game, probably at the time, the most famous athlete in the entire world, eyes all upon you.

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And then suddenly it breaks out about the rift between him and his wife at the time. And I remember talking to Sean Foley, his coach, about it. And Sean was telling me, here you got a guy who's an athlete, but he knows everywhere he goes, everyone he meets, he knows exactly what they're saying. He knows what they're saying behind his back.

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And all of that starts eroding your confidence, getting under your skin, et cetera. Now, I think any of us can face moments like that. How have you observed those who are elite be able to get over moments like that happen?

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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And if you prefer video, join the growing community on the John R. Miles YouTube channel, where you can watch this episode and more. While you're there, subscribe and share it with someone who could benefit from Anne Marie's wisdom.

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It reminds me, and I'm glad you brought that up because that's where I was hoping you would take it, is I have this philosophy I talk about in my book called the mosquito audit. And what I'm really encouraging people to do is we have these invisible influences all around us. Some of them are the closest people we have in our lives.

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But you've got the invisible suffocators, the pain in the asses, the bloodsuckers, different types of mosquitoes. who might be in your front row and who might be completely negatively influencing everything that you're trying to achieve. So doing what I say is a mosquito audit on a regular basis, I think is extremely important. How would you respond to that?

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Now, let's dive into this incredible conversation about fearless living, bold risk-taking, and the courage to pursue what truly matters through remarkable Anne-Marie Anderson. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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And to me, the front row is also that group that helps you feel like you matter. There are those people who are bolstering your sense of belonging. And where I wanted to take this is you do a lot of keynotes into companies where they're dealing with pervasive disengagement. How does this front row equate to a company setting and maybe why so many employees feel disengaged right now?

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I am absolutely thrilled today to welcome Anne-Marie Anderson to PassionStruck. Welcome, Anne-Marie.

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And I think that's extremely important. And I don't think a lot of leaders know how to do it. So what would be, if you're a leader, and maybe the best example I can give is I remember I went to Lowe's and I got hired into this position where I was trying to overhaul IT operations and our security function after the company had gone through the worst crisis.

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security hack and retail history at the time. And if that wasn't daunting enough, I get called into the head of HR's office my first week. And she tells me that my group has the lowest employee engagement scores in the entire company, 350,000 employees. But what I quickly came to realize is that

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the employees, when they were thinking of their front row, their boss was the chief seat in that front row. And the boss that they had before didn't believe in them, didn't give them autonomy, didn't really entrust them that they wanted their input on anything. And I just found in that situation, the more that

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I put myself in their shoes and looked at their capabilities from where they sat and allowed them to have a voice into how the organization should look going forward. It completely changed their willingness to want to invest in me and me reciprocal have the confidence to invest more in them. But I think a lot of people don't know how to do it.

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As I talked about in the introduction, your career is filled with many extraordinary accomplishments, from winning Emmy Awards to covering the Olympics and other major sporting events. What are some pivotal moments that shaped your approach to boldness and dismantling doubt, things we're going to cover in depth today?

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On Emory, one of the last areas I wanted to go into with you is I often talk about the importance of the power of choices in our life, because I think we tend to gravitate towards the bigger choices we make instead of realizing that it's really the micro choices that make up the hours, the moments of our days that influence us the most.

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And you emphasize in the book that life doesn't happen to you, but for you when you live audaciously, how can shifting to this perspective, empower people to make more intentional choices?

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Thank you for sharing that. And I wanted to end on one of the sections from the part three of your book, which is the idea of what is your parachute? Because you explain in here that taking a bold risk is undoubtedly a leap of faith before anyone takes a scary jump out of a plane. They have to have a parachute of plans to mitigate the risks.

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How does this idea or metaphor of the parachute play into us living audaciously?

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Okay, and then the last thing I wanted to ask you about was hope. Interestingly enough, the most popular article I've ever written was why the world needs hope. And in the book you write, hope is not a plan and you're not a big fan of hope. And you say, I've always been annoyed by the question, what is plan B?

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Like plan A is to write the book, but if that doesn't work out, then plan B is to do what? Hope is not a plan. If you want to plan, if you want to hope for plan A, but have a plan B in your back pocket, then you might as well skip plan A together. I think so many people put these safety nets in place, and I know I did for a long time,

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And the more I thought I had something I could fall back on, the more it was keeping me from pursuing what I truly wanted to do. And I think that's what you're saying here.

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Anne-Marie, it was so wonderful to have you here. Congratulations on your book, Cultivating Audacity. Highly encourage the listeners to go out and pick up a copy. Where can people learn more about you?

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Anne-Marie, thank you so much for joining us and for getting up at way early in the morning to do this. I really appreciate it.

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And that's a wrap. What an incredible conversation with Anne-Marie Anderson. Her insights on cultivating audacity, dismantling doubt, and taking bold risks remind us that courage isn't just about fearlessness. It's about stepping forward even when uncertainty looms.

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From the lessons she's learned from covering legendary athletes to the strategies she shares for overcoming rejection and embracing challenges, Anne-Marie has given us a powerful roadmap for living with intention and confidence. As we wrap up today's episode, I invite you to reflect on a few key takeaways. Where in your life are you playing it safe when you could be taking a bold step forward?

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How can you reframe rejection as a stepping stone rather than a setback? And what's one action you can take today to cultivate audacity in your own journey? If today's discussion resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review. It's one of the best ways to support the show and help us bring impactful conversations like this one to even more people.

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And if someone in your life could benefit from Anne-Marie's wisdom, share this episode with them because a single conversation can change everything. For all the resources we discussed, including her book, Cultivating Audacity, visit the show notes at passionstark.com.

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And if you want to go deeper, be sure to watch the video version of this episode on our YouTube channels where you'll find more enriching conversations like this one. While you're there, hit subscribe and join our growing community. Coming up next, I'm joined by Olympic gold medalist and figure skating champion Vincent Zhou.

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Vincent made history as the first person to land a quadruple lutz in the Olympic competition, but his story goes far beyond the ice. We'll be diving into his journey of resilience, the challenges of elite competition, and how he's using his platform to advocate for mental health, leadership, and clean sport. You won't want to miss it.

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And remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And most importantly, take what you've learned and put it into action. Because knowledge alone doesn't create change, but action does. Until next time, live life passion strapped.

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Well, I know for me that being a division one athlete really was critical in developing so many aspects of who I am and my mindset around the importance of taking action, how it developed my relationship with teammates and the power that they bring to supporting you and encouraging you. I know you had a really illustrious career at Hofstra.

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How did that influence your competitive experience and resilient resilience that you now have in life and in your career?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam, welcome to Episode 587.

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Yeah, it really does make a huge difference. And I'm so honored that I had that background and Having gone to a service academy, I sometimes wonder how much it would have been different if I went to a normal university where you didn't have, where I'm sure the sports focus would have been even more pronounced.

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I think our coaches knew we had these other elements to our existence, so they couldn't own all our time. But I think at other universities, you're really owned by the sport that you're part of.

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I went to the Naval Academy.

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Thank you. Today we are going to be discussing your brand new book. Congratulations on that, Cultivating Audacity. And I think it's important to start out with maybe a definition of what audacity is.

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I have a friend of mine, Scott Simon, who wrote the book, Scare Your Soul. And he's trying to start a courage movement. But I think it's the same thing. You've got to start taking boundary expanding actions if you want to grow from it. And I think that's, as I read the book, a lot of your philosophy as well.

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Emery, you have had a lot of defining experiences and success stories in your life. Is there a time when you took a bold risk that didn't pay off? And if so, what did you learn from it?

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Whether you're a longtime listener or tuning in for the first time, I am so grateful you're here. You have joined a global movement dedicated to unlocking your full potential, living with intention, and making what truly matters matter most. Before we dive in, let's take a moment to reflect on Tuesday's episode with Nir Eyal.

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I remember hearing you talk about that appearance on another podcast that I was listening to prepare for this. And you were in that discussion talking about a conversation you were having with your husband before you did the event and you were going through your head, all the things that could happen. Your career could come, it could be the end of your

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being a producer, it could be the end of you being a broadcaster, it could be the end of this and that. And I think that's something that we all tend to do. I know for me, it's always been intimidating to do public speaking. And I had one speech that I gave that didn't fall the way I wanted it to for a sales organization. And when I think about all the successes I had,

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They are not the first thing that comes to my mind. It's always that failure moment. But I think because of it, it's made me prepare even more now about what does the audience want? What do I need to deliver? How do I show up in the best way? Do you think it's the same thing for you?

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I wanted to ask you one more question on your background before we go further into the book. Emory, what's the most audacious decision you've made in your career? And how did you navigate the uncertainty that came with it?

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We explored how to master focus, break free from distractions, and design a life that aligns with your deepest goals. If you missed it, I highly recommend going back to listen. It's packed with actionable insights to help you reclaim your time and attention. Now, let me ask you this.

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Coming up next on PassionStruck.

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So let me ask you, what if the key to unlocking peak performance and long-term wellbeing isn't just about diet and exercise, but also about harnessing the power of oxygen, neurotransmitters, and cutting edge health optimization tools? What if the future of brain health and longevity is already here, but most of us aren't using it to our advantage? This is where today's guest comes in.

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So interesting. And today I heard you bring up GABA and that's going to be our main focus today. What is the connection that you see between methylene blue nootropics and GABA?

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Okay, well, I think that is a great introduction to it. If someone's listening to this, and GABA is like a foreign language to them, what might be some of the top symptoms they could be experiencing that indicate a GABA deficiency?

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I am welcoming back my friend, Dr. Scott Schur, who's here to break down the science behind some of the most innovative advancements in health optimization. In our first interview in episode 147, we did a deep dive into hyperbaric oxygen therapy and how it's being used to treat neurodegenerative disease, cancer, and traumatic brain injuries. We also touched on its link to stem cells.

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Yeah. I guess a follow-on to that is since it has such an effect on all of those things, what is its correlation to potential suicides?

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Then in episode 321, we explored nootropics. and focused on the unique benefits of methylene blue and its potential to support various health conditions, including brain fog, fatigue, joint pain, and even blood pressure regulation.

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And I was also, as I was preparing for this, I saw that GABA activity also plays an important role in several diseases, including neurodegenerative disorders in which the body's nerve cells break down, including Huntington's disease, epilepsy, and also potentially Parkinson's disease. Can you speak to any of those?

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In this episode, we build upon those discussions and we explore advancements in hyperbaric oxygen therapy and how it's revolutionizing healing, performance, and recovery. We expand on the rising role of methylene blue in enhancing mitochondrial function and brain health, as well as the evolving landscape of nootropics and how they can be used to optimize mental clarity and focus.

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We've done a great introduction to the science of GABA. Can you break down a little bit deeper the structure and function of the GABA receptors, particularly GABA A and GABA B and how they contribute to brain activity?

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We go into GABA, the brain's common neurotransmitter, and why it is key to reducing stress, improving sleep and boosting cognitive resilience. Then lastly, we explore the future of AI driven health optimization and how personalized medicine is reshaping the way we approach well-being.

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So if I understand this, what you were saying about alcohol, for example, it promotes the GABA receptor activity, which creates that temporary feeling that anyone who's had alcohol gives that feeling of calm and relaxation. But the effect is artificial, right? You don't get the same effect every time, correct?

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If you're looking for real science-backed strategies to boost your mental clarity, optimize brain function, and enhance your resilience, this episode is packed with insights you don't want to miss.

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Before we dive in, let's explore my conversation on Tuesday that featured Randy Blythe, the legendary frontman of Lamb of God, who joined me from one of the most raw and insightful conversations we've ever had on the show. We explored his journey through addiction, the pursuit of purpose, and how art can be a vehicle for transformation.

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Well, if you were a regular alcohol user and then you abstained from drinking for two to three weeks, when it comes to this, what would be some of the positive effects you would start seeing?

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His perspective on resilience, creativity, and personal growth is something every listener can take to heart. And today's episode with Dr. Schur is no different because optimizing your mind and body is at the core of living intentionally. So do you want to dive deeper into what PassionStruck is all about? Then check out our episode starter packs.

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I understand that also there are certain foods, you've mentioned meats and stuff like that, but there are foods that boost GABA such as broccoli, peas, beans, grains like rice and oats, tomatoes, sweet potatoes, spinach, et cetera. How do you recommend incorporating that into the diet to maximize the positive impacts?

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curated playlists covering leadership, mental resilience, alternative health, personal growth, and so many more. Find them on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs. You can also get exclusive insights and strategies by signing up for my Live Intentionally newsletter.

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Okay. So maybe we can just think about this in terms of habits. I mean, you've mentioned a lot of things about physical activity, different foods, et cetera, but I would think building the proper habit loops plays a critical role in the regulation of GABA. So what would be some of your advice for steps that a listener or viewer could take?

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And if you prefer watching these conversations, head over to my YouTube channel to catch the full video versions and share them with those who are passionate about growth. Now let's get started on a fascinating journey into the future of health optimization and cognitive resilience, and longevity. Let's dive in with Dr. Scott Schur.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so excited today to welcome back my friend, Dr. Scott Schur. Hey, Dr. Scott, how are you doing?

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I was going to ask you about adult play, which is one of the most popular articles I've ever put out on my blog is its importance to so many things in our lives. But I have to tell you, man, earlier this morning, I go out for a walk early. I was out at 5.15 a.m. and it's pitch black. And then all of a sudden, the whole east side of the sky just lights up out of nowhere.

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I was like, what is going on? Turned out to be a SpaceX launch. I love getting out and that being the first thing I do every morning and trying to incorporate as much nature as I can, even though sometimes it's pitch black when I go out. I still find listening to the sounds in the morning, the birds waking up, everything. It does give you such a calming mechanism in your life.

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I think so much of what you were talking about is a topic that I've been trying to put out there a lot on this show, and that is the disease of disconnection. Because we are losing our sense of self because we're connecting to these external communities instead of doing the inner work that we need to. And I think it's having so many ramifications across the globe.

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And it got me thinking as you were talking, if your GABA is out of balance, One of the things that I'm seeing around the world is a big gap in people losing their sense of meaning.

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And I'm wondering if our gut health is so screwed up, our GABA transmitters are so screwed up, it's influencing our mood and our ability to manage stress, which are underlying factors that contribute to life's purpose and meaning. Do you think there's any correlation there?

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I have to tell you, you are now the only guest I have ever brought back three times. And I have to say on my YouTube channel, you have the most popular episode we have ever done. Is that right? And it was talking about methylene blue and nootropics. I know people are really intrigued by your works, just had to have you on again. It's a pleasure.

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Scott, we've talked a lot about food. We've talked about different exercises you could do, the focus on nature, et cetera. If there was one lifestyle change that you would recommend listeners or viewers start out with to optimize their GABA levels, what would it be and why?

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On that topic, what advancements or insights have emerged in the use of nootropics since we last spoke?

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And I want to ask futuristically, where do you see neuroscience and AI going in impacting our ability? I'm thinking here, MRIs, things like that. Could any of these things or AI detect and correct GABA imbalances in the near future?

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Well, Scott, I always love having you come on the podcast because we deep dive the most interesting topics. If listeners want to learn more about you, the nootropic products, et cetera, where's the best place for them to go?

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That's great. Scott, thank you so much again for joining us. It's always an honor to have you here.

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I'll have to do it.

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And that's a wrap on an insightful conversation with Dr. Scott Schur. His expertise on methylene blue, nootropics, and the critical role of GABA in mental and physical health offers a fresh perspective on what it truly means to optimize our performance and well-being.

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Dr. Schur's approach, blending cutting-edge science with real-world application, reminds us that health optimization isn't just about reacting to illness. It's about intentionally cultivating resilience, vitality, and mental clarity. So as you reflect on today's episode, ask yourself, are you actively taking charge of your health and cognitive function?

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What small intentional shifts could help you perform at your highest level, mentally, physically, and emotionally? Which of today's insights, whether about neurotransmitters, hyperbaric oxygen, or nootropics, resonated most with you? Like Dr. Schur emphasized, true transformation isn't about passively consuming information. It's about taking deliberate action.

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So where you can go from here is that all links to Dr. Schur's work, including Smarter Not Harder, his clinic, and the Troscriptions line are here in the show notes at passionstruck.com. We also have a discount code that you can go there if you want to purchase any of the products from Troscriptions.

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So explore his resources, share them with others and take the first step toward optimizing your health. You can also watch the full episode on YouTube and don't forget to check out our exclusive partner deals at passionstruck.com slash deals for even more insights and tools to help you live with greater intention, energy, and purpose.

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Sign up for my live intentionally newsletter where each week I share actionable strategies and behind the scenes takeaways to help you ignite your growth and potential. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd be so grateful if you leave a five-star rating and review. It's one of the best ways to help Passion Struck reach even more people who need these conversations.

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And if you know someone who could benefit from today's discussion, share this episode with them. In the next episode of Passion Struck, we're diving into the hidden forces that shape global power with Edward Fishman, who's a former State Department sanctions official. And Edward takes us inside the world of economic warfare.

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revealing how financial dominance, sanctions, and supply chain control have become America's most potent weapons. If you've ever wondered how conflicts are really fought today, this is a conversation you won't want to miss. And it's completely different from many of the topics that we discuss here on Passion Struck.

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I want to end by saying thank you for being part of Passion Struck. This show is built on curiosity, transformation, and action, and I'm grateful to have you on this journey. Remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value, share it. Let's keep growing this community and living with intention, impact, and purpose. Until next time, live life Passion Struck.

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And I know one of the key ingredients that people have been most intrigued about in your work has been methylene blue. And that's probably where we on that YouTube channel have gotten the vast majority of the questions. Yeah. Have there been any shifts in how people are integrating methylene blue with lifestyle or diet to maximize its effects?

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But the key also is to welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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And has there been any advancements in using it for neurodegenerative diseases or to fight things like chronic fatigue, which I know is directly tied to that gut function as well?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome to episode 575.

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The other one was those experiencing brain fog.

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Thanks to you, I got to test the product myself and I found if I really am needing to concentrate on something, like let's say I need to focus on writing my book or I'm doing deep preparation for an interview, something like that. It's really been mind blowing how much it helps you concentrate, for me, micro periods of time that I need to use it.

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And I'm curious, if you're a person who uses these nootropics maybe two to three times a week for cognitive enhancement, what changes might you expect to see with consistent use for over six to 12 month periods?

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Whether you're a long time listener or tuning in for the first time, I am so thrilled you're here. You're now part of a global movement dedicated to living with intention, unlocking your full potential and making what truly matters matter most.

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Caroline Adams Miller on the Keys to Achieving Big Goals | EP 548

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Before we dive in to today's episode, let's take a moment to recap my episode from earlier in the week, where I had the honor of sitting down with Madison Marsh, Miss America 2024. Madison shared her inspiring journey to the crown and her mission to use her platform to promote mental health awareness

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pancreatic cancer awareness and empower young women while leading with authenticity if you missed this episode i highly encourage you to go back and listen it's a powerful conversation filled with insights on resilience purpose and making a meaningful impact and if you're looking to explore more themes like leadership mental health and personal growth don't forget to check out our episode starter packs curated playlist designed to guide you through the best of our 540 plus episodes they're available on spotify or at passionstruck.com starter packs

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I have a couple of things to respond to that. One, I love what you just said that to get things into your life, you had to give first and you have to constantly give. And I think that's such an important reminder for someone. And the second thing that you brought up throughout this is

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I recently had Bo Eason, a well-known public speaker on the show, and we were talking about what stories do best when you're public speaking. And he said, no one wants to hear the story of Tom Brady talking about his seven Super Bowl wins.

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They want to hear about the lowest point of his life when he was at Michigan and almost decided to throw in the towel, but made the decision to become what he is today. And I think the same thing goes with this story. And oftentimes people... are afraid to share these stories.

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I was afraid to share some of these dark moments in my life, but I think since I've been doing it and I see other people doing it, these are the stories that people learn the best from. So thank you for sharing.

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And I'm going to tie this into your new book, big goals, the science of setting them, achieving them and creating your best life, which I just want to acknowledge is a must read on the next, next big idea clubs, best books for 2025. So congratulations on that.

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So when you're facing something like addiction, like bulimia, when you think about that, it's a really big goal to overcome that dilemma in your life. How does this book, when you look back in time, relate to that trauma you were going through at that time and that goal that you had to set?

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For even more inspiration, sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com. It's filled with exclusive content to help you apply the wisdom from our episodes into your daily life. And don't forget every conversation we have here is also available in video form on our YouTube channel. where you can watch, share, and grow with others who are passionate about creating change.

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I think you just named two great examples. I think it's important because it's top of mind to go through another one. And I have flown American Airlines for years and years, have right now a million and a half miles on them. And they are a huge Boeing customer. But there was one point in time when they were going to move to a different carrier.

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And they went to Boeing and said, if you don't do something, we're going to move away from you. And so what happened to Boeing's culture? Because I think it's important to talk about this because I remember when I was doing my MBA studies, I took this course and The professor said, I want you to look at the Fortune 500 from the 1970s and how many companies are on the list today.

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And the strange thing about this is if you do this for the 80s, the 90s, the 2000s, you'll get the same answer. So many companies disappear because they get comfortable in what they're doing and they lose the creativity and inventiveness. And this is exactly what happened to Boeing. Maybe you can use this goal setting failure to describe their story.

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Caroline Adams Miller on the Keys to Achieving Big Goals | EP 548

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Today, we're diving into a topic that is fundamental to living a fulfilling and purpose-driven life, goal setting. My guest is the renowned positive psychologist and bestselling author, Caroline Adams Miller. Caroline has been a trailblazer in the science of goal setting, grit, and success for over three decades. She's one of the world's leading experts in positive psychology and

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In the book, you also draw a parallel between Dr. Andrew Huberman's ability to distill complex research that he's doing into actionable protocols. And your mission, as you've been discussing is to make goal setting science accessible to everyone.

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So how did Huberman's approach inspire your work and what lessons are you taking from his method into your own real world application?

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and her groundbreaking work has transformed how we approach personal and professional growth. Caroline's latest book, Big Goals, The Science of Setting Them, Achieving Them, Creating Your Best Life, challenges the traditional ways we think about goal setting and introduces a research-backed framework to help us accomplish transformative goals.

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She brings fresh perspective to Locke and Latham's goal setting theory, a powerful yet overlooked concept, and explains how we can use it to unlock our potential and achieve lasting happiness. In our conversation, Caroline shares her Bridge Framework, a revolutionary approach to goal setting that blends science, grit, and the psychology of flourishing.

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I love it. So one of the things that you mention in the book is that men and women approach goals differently. And oftentimes biases and traditional systems penalize women for behaviors that reward men. What steps outside of an individual, like what steps can organizations take to create more equitable and effective goal setting practices?

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We explore why big goals are essential for personal growth, how the self-esteem movement hindered goal achievement, and the actionable steps you can take to set and stick to goals that truly matter.

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Whether you're a young professional, a parent, or anyone seeking greater clarity and direction in life, this episode is packed with insights that will inspire you to think bigger, act boldly, and create a life aligned with your purpose. Let's dive in with Caroline Adams Miller as we explore the science of setting big goals and unlocking the life you were meant to live.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so excited today to bring Caroline Adams Miller to the PassionStruck audience. Welcome, Caroline.

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For whatever reason, what you just brought up triggered in my mind something that you and I were talking about before the podcast, and that's Albert Maduro's self-efficacy theory. And in the book, you connect self-efficacy theory with goal-setting theory, emphasizing the importance of building confidence and resilience to tackle big goals.

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A good friend of mine, Scott Simon, has this book, Scare Your Soul, which I love because he talks about the importance of courage muscles to help you achieve goals. What are some steps listeners can take to develop their I can do it muscle and increase the likelihood of committing to and achieving ambitious goals?

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Caroline, you and I have been chatting now for a few months on different topics. And the more I learn about your story, the more it resonates with me. And I think it's important for the audience to hear part of the backstory. And so I want to start at when you were at University of Pennsylvania, because this happened when you're in your mid 40s.

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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So one of the things I think it takes... to realize a big goal and to even set one is giving yourself psychological safety, something that Amy Edmondson has pioneered and you talk about in the book. What do you think is this correlation between psychological safety and goal setting?

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While you're raising three children, you make this bold decision to join the first ever Masters of Applied Positive Psychology program. And most people at this stage, and I hear it a lot, when people see the cover of my book, or they hear about the podcast, that they fear it's too late to try something new or they fear they've lost their sense of passion and it's too late for them to regain it.

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And I can't talk about this whole topic without getting into grit with you. So in the book you talk about, well, let's go back for a second. You wrote Getting Grit in 2017, which Angela Duckworth has said is one of the best science-based approaches that she has seen outside of her own work.

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In my own book, Passion Struck, which I know you've read, I describe that being passion struck is this combination of grit and intentionality. And in the book, you mentioned that to go after your goals, you need self motivation in order to do it. And that really unleashes the grit.

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So when you think about intentionality, or I think Angela would call it self control in her research, how powerful is that intentionality in building grit and applying it to the goals you're trying to achieve?

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So I think it's important for them to hear your backstory. What drove you to take that leap? And how did reclaiming your purpose during that time shift your sense of mattering

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Thank you so much for doing that correlation because I think it's important for the audience. As I was getting further into your book, One of the best frameworks or exercises that you bring up that I think would be valuable for listeners is something out of positive psychology called best possible future self. Can you describe what this is?

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And I want them to go to your book to use it, but why this is something they should be keyed in on?

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As you saw in my own book, I think it's extremely important to tie these principles to science because then it really shows that locking mechanism. So I'm so glad you did it. And I think that's why it's getting so many accolades even before it's launched. The last thing, Caroline, I want to talk about is a metaphor that you use in the book.

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And I heard this metaphor used recently in another book by Adam Grant, Hidden Potential, where he talks a lot about scaffolding. Can you talk about why it's important to build your scaffolding of your bridge and how that relates to achieving a specific goal.

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Caroline, thank you for sharing that and for this amazing conversation. I have one last question for you. You write at the end of your book, the greatest gift you can give to others and to me is for you to share these techniques and tools with people who have never heard of them. What's your challenge to listeners on how they can walk someone else across the bridge?

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Well, thank you so much for joining us today. What is the best place for people to go to learn more about you?

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Well, Caroline, it was such an honor to have you today. And I was so anticipating doing this interview and it totally lived up to my expectations and exceeded them. So thank you so much.

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Well, I think my challenge or goal to readers and listeners is to buy both our books because as you rightly pointed out, I covered a lot of things, but goal setting is something I should have focused more on and now they have a whole book on it. So you can use that to help you accomplish the tiny actions and micro choices that I talk about in the book.

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Wow, what an inspiring and thought-provoking conversation that was with Caroline Adams Miller. Today's episode was a deep dive into the science of goal setting and achieving the life you truly want. Caroline's bridge framework and her insights into the psychology of grit and human flourishing have given us powerful tools to pursue big goals with intentionality and resilience.

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Her message is a reminder that setting meaningful goals isn't just about achievement. It's about transformation, growth, and unlocking your full potential. As we close, I encourage you to reflect on the big goals in your life. Are you aligning your actions with your aspirations? Are you challenging yourself to go beyond the status quo and embrace the discomfort of growth?

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Caroline's wisdom offers actionable steps to help you create a life filled with purpose and meaning. If Caroline's message resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review. Your feedback helps us continue to bring transformative conversations to the PassionStruck community.

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And if you know someone who could benefit from this episode, share it with them because a single idea can spark profound change. You can find links to everything we discussed today, including Caroline's book, Big Goals, in the show notes at PassionStruck.com. You can also watch the video version of this conversation on YouTube.

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And don't forget to explore our sponsors and exclusive deals at PassionStruck.com slash deals. Supporting our partners allows us to keep bringing you these impactful episodes. Before we go, I want to remind you that I'm passionate about bringing these insights to organizations and teams through speaking engagements.

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If today's conversation inspired you and you think it could benefit your workplace, visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn more about how we can ignite intentional change and growth together. Next week, I'm honored to welcome Dr. Abraham George, a visionary leader and social entrepreneur who has dedicated his life to reducing poverty and inequality in India.

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Dr. George is the founder of the George Foundation and the Shanti Bhavan Initiative that provides education, healthcare, and empowerment to those in need. His pioneering work has transformed the lives of over 15,000 individuals as well as their communities, and his insights into leadership, philanthropy, and social justice will inspire you to think differently

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about how you can make meaningful impact in the world. This is a conversation you don't want to miss.

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Remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who could benefit. And as always, take what you've learned here and put it into action so that you can live what you listen. Until next time, live life passion-struck.

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Caroline Adams Miller on the Keys to Achieving Big Goals | EP 548

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck family.

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Caroline Adams Miller on the Keys to Achieving Big Goals | EP 548

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Well, I have to ask, you got to study under Marty, Chris Peterson, Angela Duckworth, Barry Swartz, Barbara Fredrickson, and you just mentioned that study. So Sonia was one of the three authors of it. What was it like? I mean, some of those are my favorite people I've read and studied.

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That is super inspiring and makes me just think of everything I think about the program is what it delivers. So, well, I want to ask a follow-on question to this. So many people today feel like they've lost their sense of mattering. They feel hopeless, which we're going to talk about further in the interview, but a lot are unsure how to reignite their passion.

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What lessons from your journey can you share with others who may feel stuck or searching for ways to find meaning and purpose in their own lives?

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Welcome back to episode 548 of the passion struck podcast. I'm your host, John Miles, and I am so grateful for the incredible energy, enthusiasm, and dedication you bring to this community week after week. Your commitment to living a purpose-driven and intentional life is what makes the PassionStruck movement so powerful. And together, we're creating a ripple effect of positive change.

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Well, I want to do a little bit deeper dive on this since you brought it up. I was going to do it later, but we might as well do it now. So the story here is you are at Harvard, you're a competitive swimmer, and you have all these incredible achievements on the outside. But privately, you're battling this eating disorder that almost cost you your life.

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If you're tuning in for the first time, welcome. You've just joined a global community of game changers who are igniting their purpose and pursuing lives of boldness, meaning, and impact. We're so thrilled to have you on this journey.

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And I think there are probably people listening to this who are facing maybe not an eating disorder, but an addiction battle or some other battle where they're outside is completely different than how they're feeling on the inside.

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Can you take us back to that period and share what it was like to be the girl who had it all while facing a deeply personal struggle and what it took you to have the strength to break free in that period of time?

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Yeah, it reminds me of one of the interviews I did last year on the podcast with Dr. Terry Walls, who you probably know. And I think hers is a story that kind of parallels that. She was suffering from multiple sclerosis, if I have it correct, and had gotten to the point where she was actually in a wheelchair when she started to change her whole diet.

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And over time, she found herself riding a bike again and exercising and living a normal life. And One of the things that I really love about her work is she does a lot of patient care in the VA system. And so veterans who have exhausted all Western medicines, she invites into her clinic, but says, if you're going to commit to it, you have to commit to exactly what I tell you to do.

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now let's go out there and become passion struck welcome to episode 599 of passion struck whether you're a long time listener or joining us for the first time i am so grateful you're here you've turned into a movement dedicated to unlocking your potential living with intention and making what truly matters matter most before we dive in let's take a moment to reflect on the incredible conversation i had earlier in the week

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And her results have been pretty fascinating.

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If you're a listener or a viewer, what are some signs that you might have a leaky gut?

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You mentioned Dr. Mark Hyman a few minutes ago, and he's also my friend. I've had him on the show a couple times. And a couple episodes ago that I did with him, we were talking about the latest book he had published, and we were going through biological age and how to extend it compared to our chronicle age. And so we spent a lot of time also talking about the microbiome.

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On Tuesday, I was joined by Laura and Isabel Hoff, daughters of Wim Hoff and authors of Secrets of the Ice Women. We explored how cold exposure, mindset, and breath work can transform hormone balance, emotional resilience, and personal power. And in my upcoming solo episode, number 600, I'll be making a very special announcement that marks a major next chapter for this community.

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And one of the things you both talk about, and it's one of the most mind-blowing takeaways I think from your book is that about half of the cells in our bodies are not actually human, they're microbial. And you take this even further by suggesting that we need to rethink what it even means to be human. Can you expand on that?

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you don't want to miss it now let me ask you this what if your thoughts cravings even your emotions weren't entirely your own what if trillions of microbes inside you were pulling the strings shaping your mood metabolism and mental health in ways you never imagined and what if Fixing your gut was the key to unlocking peak cognitive performance, resilience, and longevity.

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There was, and I know you talk a lot about lectins and that's one of the things you're known for the most, but if someone is suffering from leaky gut What are one or two of the foods that they're probably eating that they should eliminate completely out of their diet?

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I mean, it does, because when you think about it, like you said, it's probably just dust on the board. It's not, it's just residual.

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That's exactly what we're exploring today with Dr. Stephen Gundry, renowned medical researcher, cardiothoracic surgeon, and best-selling author. In his latest book, The Gut-Brain Paradox, He challenges everything we thought we knew about mental health, cravings, weight loss, and even free will.

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I appreciate you sharing that. And I want to shift the discussion to, of all topics, free will. Because you write in the book that microbes don't just live inside of us. They actually control us. They dictate what we crave. how we think and even how we feel. And this is a radical idea. Can you explain just how much power these microbes have over our behavior?

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In today's conversation, we unpack the groundbreaking science behind how your gut microbes control your brain, mood, and metabolism, why the war on germs might be making us sicker, and what modern medicine needs to rethink.

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So I want to ask maybe a follow-up question to this. And I'll phrase it like this. Many people, including myself, struggle with food cravings. And we think it's a willpower issue. But you suggest that it's actually their gut bacteria calling the shots. And I think this kind of goes into what you were just talking about. Can you break down how that works?

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how conditions like anxiety, depression, and even Alzheimer's may actually start in the gut, and a step-by-step roadmap to healing your gut-brain axis and reclaiming your clarity and health. This episode is a game changer for anyone dealing with brain fog, anxiety, chronic fatigue, or constant cravings. We'll see you next time.

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Dr. Steven Gundry on How Your Microbiome Shapes Your Identity | EP 599

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I thought that was one of the most fascinating and quite frankly, disturbing things that I read in the book is that our bad gut bugs actually hijack our hunger signals, making us crave the very foods like you were just talking about that allow them to multiply.

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if you're someone who has these bad microbes controlling you and you want to reset your system to let the good microbiome come into play more, what are some of the best ways to do that in your opinion?

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personal mastery, and mental resilience to help you find the inspiration that meets you where you are. And don't forget to subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter for exclusive insights, behind-the-scenes content, and tools to live a life that truly matters. Now, let's get into this fascinating conversation with the one and only Dr. Stephen Gundry.

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Dr. Steven Gundry on How Your Microbiome Shapes Your Identity | EP 599

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Well, thank you for sharing that. And I wanted to now switch to another topic that I think is becoming more prevalent in society and that's cognitive decline. And I know whether it's Alzheimer's or dementia, both are significantly on the rise. And I've had discussions with neurologists talking about this from a neuroscience standpoint about how

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different plaque and amyloids aren't getting cleaned out from the system. But I'm also wondering, could this also be stemming from gut dysbiosis that is also contributing to cognitive decline?

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so honored and ecstatic today to have the one and only Dr. Stephen Gundry with me on PassionStruck. Welcome, Dr. Gundry. Hey, thanks for having me, John. It's great to see you again. And I think I want to start there.

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He had no response. I can see why he had no response, given where you were speaking at. One of the things I wanted to touch on, because as I was reading chapter seven, thought it was something that was important to cover is the topic of SSRIs. And you make the compelling case that antidepressants like these don't just increase serotonin, they also alter the microbiome.

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And I heard you talking to Ed Milet about this on his podcast, about how you notice this because when you take an SSRI, if it's really doing what it's supposed to do, just increasing serotonin, then you would expect it to work within 12 to 24 hours, but that's not how it works. Correct.

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If this is true, should we be looking at healing the gut as a first treatment for depression instead of prescribing these types of drugs?

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The last time we spoke, I was in a position I never thought I was going to be in. I was the editor-in-chief of this publication called Bold Business, and I had developed something called the Bold Leader Spotlight, where We looked at eight to 10 characteristics of what we thought described someone who was a bold leader. And so I interviewed you as a member of that club.

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So my final question for you, Dr. Gundry, is gut research is still in its early days. Where do you think the most important area of the field is heading in the next five to 10 years?

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So it's been nearly six years since we last spoke. And since then your work has continued to push boundaries of what we know about nutrition, disease prevention, and now the link between gut and mental wellbeing. What inspired you to shift your focus to the gut brain connection for this book?

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Dr. Gundry, congratulations on this fantastic book, The Gut Brain Paradox. It's always such an interesting discussion every time I have it with you. And I know you're easily discoverable, but can you tell the listeners the best place to find out more about you, your work and your products?

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Yep, you sold millions of them and have had 10s of millions of views on YouTube. Well, sir, thank you so much for coming on today. It was such an honor. Great to see you again. And thanks for having me on your new podcast. And that's a wrap.

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Dr. Steven Gundry on How Your Microbiome Shapes Your Identity | EP 599

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What an incredible conversation with Dr. Stephen Gundry, his insights into the gut brain connection, the hidden influence of our microbiome and the groundbreaking science behind the gut brain paradox have truly reshaped how we think about mental clarity, cravings, energy and long term health. This isn't just about digestion. It's about how we feel, how we think, and how we live.

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So as we close out today's episode, I invite you to reflect on a few key takeaways. What daily choices are you making that either support or sabotage your gut? Are your cravings and energy crashes actually being driven by your microbiome? And what would it look like to take back control, not just of your diet, but of your mind?

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If today's conversation resonated, please take a moment to leave a five-star review. It's one of the best ways to help this movement grow and to bring conversations like this to more people around the world. And if someone in your life could benefit from Dr. Gundry's wisdom, send this episode to them. A single share can spark real transformation.

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Dr. Steven Gundry on How Your Microbiome Shapes Your Identity | EP 599

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All the resources we discussed, including Dr. Gundry's latest book, are in the show notes at passionstruck.com. And if you want to see today's conversation, check out the full video on my John R. Miles YouTube channel. And while you're there, hit subscribe, and join the community.

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Dr. Steven Gundry on How Your Microbiome Shapes Your Identity | EP 599

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If you're looking to bring these kinds of insights into your company, your team, your organization, head over to JohnRMiles.com to learn how we can work together. On our next episode, number 600, I'll be sharing a powerful solo message that marks a major milestone for this podcast and this community.

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We'll celebrate how far we've come, and I'll be unveiling something brand new that I've been working on behind the scenes for months. You won't want to miss it. Then I'll be joined by Yonge Mingor Rinpoche, one of the world's leading voices in mindfulness and meditation. We'll explore how joy and awareness can coexist with emotional pain.

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We do a deep dive on the Buddhist perspective of mattering and how to train your mind to become a tool for healing and deep present moment living. It's a beautiful conversation, profound, practical, and grounded in a lifetime of wisdom.

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And remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it, text it, post it, email it to someone who needs to hear it. Because knowledge doesn't change lives, action does. Until next time, live life passion struck.

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Well, you opened the book with incredible patient stories, people with Parkinson's, mental illness, even addiction, who all improved dramatically by fixing their gut. How does a single protocol explain such a wide range of transformations?

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Well, they carry messages. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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I want to start with this important yet often overlooked scientific feud that you discuss in chapter one. You really go into germ theory, which is Louis Pasteur's theory versus Antoine Mann's terrain theory.

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And it's interesting because as we all know, for years and years, Pasteur's approach dominated modern medicine leading to this era, probably that led to when you were going to medical school, the focus on antibiotics, germ killing solutions, et cetera. But you actually argue that the terrain theory was actually right all along.

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And if we were to rewrite the medical textbooks today, what fundamental shift do you think needs to happen?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

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Adam Galinsky on How Great Leaders Inspire Their Teams | EP 560

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Well, thank you for going through that, Adam. I think it's a really good depiction. I'm going to go into something I've never really talked about on this podcast before. When I was nine years old, I was living in Palatine, Illinois, which is close to O'Hare. I remember it was a Friday.

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Whether you've been with us from the beginning or are joining for the first time, you're part of an incredible community focused on growth, purpose, and igniting passion in every area of life. If you're new here, we know that over 560 episodes can feel like a lot to navigate. That's why we've curated episode starter packs to help you dive into topics like unlocking creativity,

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My mom had picked me up from school and we were driving to the mall where as a young kid, I observed the crash of American Airlines 191 in front of me. And this is the one where it was taking off. It lost the engine and quickly crashed. And it basically happened right before my eyes. And after that, I was scared to go on an airplane for many years.

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I would go on it, but I would always be white knuckled. And When I was at the Naval Academy, we had these great leadership talks. And one of these was the crew of another plane that suffered similar but different incidents, same aircraft, DC-10. But this was United Airlines Flight 232. And I'm not sure if you remember this or not, but it happened in 1989.

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And what ended up happening is they had a complete hydraulic failure caused by the loss of their tail engine. And I remember this so fully because the team ended up through the actions of the captain and his inspiration. It's a case study in teamwork crisis management and human factors in aviation and

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Because he inspired the team to work together, they were able to pilot the plane simply by using the engines because they had no way to fly it on hydraulics. And although a number of passengers died, he saved the majority of the people on board. And to me, it's similar to the story that you talk about with the Southwest pilot where this crew, because of their actions and how they

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attuned to the situation, ended up saving so many people, including themselves. So I think all of these are great examples.

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I just saw a LinkedIn post that he put out that he just had a grandchild. Such an inspiring story. And you're right. And another one where someone used their instincts and inspiration in a moment where they had just seconds to decide. And the interesting thing is in both his case and in that case,

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That I mentioned in Sioux Falls, they put so many people through the same simulators and in both cases, the vast majority, like 90% of them, did not land the plane in either case. It really shows you how that inspiration pays off in these moments of intense decision-making like that. So I wanted to take this in a little bit different direction.

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As I was describing to you before, I think there is a huge role between leadership and how you make people feel like they're valued, like they're seen, like they're contributing. And I think this is becoming a huge black hole in corporations. And one of the major reasons why so many of them are facing such huge disengagement.

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the psychology of belonging, the rise of generative AI, navigating conflict, the science of happiness, emotional health, human powered leadership and self mastery. You can find them on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs. And don't forget to subscribe to my live intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com for weekly inspiration and tools to help you live with purpose.

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And I was hoping you might be able to talk about it because it's a core aspect of your book.

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You can also join our growing YouTube community to watch every episode with engaging visuals. Today, I am thrilled to introduce a conversation that will help you unlock one of the most transformative tools in life, the ability to inspire others. My guest, Dr. Adam Galinsky is a world renowned social psychologist and leadership expert whose work has been cited over 64,000 times.

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That's fantastic research, and I think it goes to really the core of what mattering is all about. When they don't feel like they're seen, when they think AI is going to take over their prominence in an organization, it creates a huge threat, a barrier to them thinking that they're going to hold value in the future and that they're going to be able to progress.

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I think it goes right into so many of the things that are bringing people fear right now.

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So I wanted to go into this chapter a little bit more, and I'm going to read from it. You write, identifying the motivation of others isn't a one-shot solution. It's a dynamic and ongoing process. And you crafted a phrase to capture this principle. Different people have different needs at different times.

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And when I think about that, I remember I was in a job interview one time and I was interviewing with the CEO of this major company. And he asked me, what is your leadership style? And I told him it's situational. And he said, what do you mean it's situational? I said, different situations require different leadership, depending on what is going on, meaning.

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If you have five or six different employees, you can't approach each of them with the exact same manner. You've got to look at what their motivations are. And it's understanding those motivations, which is going to get them to do the actions that you want them to do. And also you've got to create a reward system for them based on knowing them. So in each situation, you're going to act differently.

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And you go on to say that this phrase encompasses a key insight about inspiring others. Just because you understood your colleagues or your spouses or your friends needs yesterday, it doesn't mean you will automatically be good at identifying them today. And even if you understood them today, the person's preferences may grow and change over time.

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That is why we need to really listen to others and carefully observe their behavior. It helps us recognize their evolution and changing desires. And this again goes into this whole situational leadership because people react differently over time and you have to adjust to it. But how big a gap do you think this is in most organizations and the way the leaders lead their teams?

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Adam Galinsky on How Great Leaders Inspire Their Teams | EP 560

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He's the co-author of Friend and Foe and his latest book, The Universal Path to Leading Yourself and Others, reveals the science of becoming an inspiring leader. Leadership often feels like an overwhelming challenge, especially in a world where the stakes are high and the pace is relentless. But Adam's research shows that inspiring leadership isn't a mysterious gift reserved for a select few.

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It's a skill that can be learned, nurtured,

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and developed in our interview he provides a roadmap for transforming how we lead by focusing on three universal dimensions being a visionary an exemplar and a mentor you'll discover practical strategies for creating a big picture vision that motivates others modeling the behaviors that you also want to see and empowering those around you to achieve their potential

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It absolutely does. And that's one of the core things that I try to talk about here all the time on the podcast is the power of choices and especially our micro choices or micro decisions that we make. And as in behavior science, there's this thing called choice bracketing. I think people make narrow choices instead of looking at them as you would through choice bracketing and on a longer horizon.

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What are your thoughts on that?

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Adam combines fascinating research with real-world applications to show us how leadership isn't just about managing tasks. It's about creating meaning, fostering belonging, and driving positive change in our teams, families, and communities.

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So Adam, I want to explore this concept of being a visionary in more detail. In my book, I came up with this metaphor that I call the be internal effect, and it goes something like this. We need to incorporate both of these principles into our leadership style. And in one regard, we need to be like

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the honeybee who goes out 100 times from the hive on a daily basis, really fanatical about the daily execution that needs to be done on behalf of the queen and the hive. And on the other side, we need to be Like the sea turtle who is willing to travel thousands of miles because of their vision and is very patient about this.

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And a good scenario I'm going to bring to highlight this is let's go back a number of years before there was any payment type of solution that was mobile and you had this glass blower.

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named Jim McKelvey, who had this amazing piece of art that he wasn't able to send because the person didn't have enough cash, didn't have a check, wanted to pay for it, and he had no way as a small business owner to take it.

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So he and his friend Jack Dorsey come up with this idea that they're going to create this vision for this reader that's going to make mobile payments a possibility in the form of Square. And yet, although they have this incredible vision, they run into obstacle after obstacle where they have to be like the bee to overcome them.

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So my question for you is, how do you balance being that visionary with driving the execution that's needed to close the gap? Because sometimes as a leader, you can have that vision and it can be far out, but others on your team don't see the vision or your shareholders don't see the vision. So how do you close that gap?

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Whether you're leading at work, guiding a family, or simply striving to make a difference in your relationships, this episode is packed with insights to help you inspire those around you and live with greater purpose. Let's dive in. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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Okay. And I want to go back to mattering here for a second. In leadership, often there's this balance between holding people accountable and a reward system and making people feel seen and valued. So how, as a leader, can you ensure that you are making people feel that they matter, but it doesn't come at the cost of accountability or challenging them to grow?

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I am absolutely honored and thrilled today to have Dr. Adam Galinsky with me. Welcome, Adam.

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Okay. Thank you for sharing that. And another area I wanted to go into that you write about is the leader amplification effect. And I have seen this play out so many times, meaning when I was working at Dell, Michael could enter a meeting and based on what he said, it could change the whole dynamics of the entire meeting and sway it one way or the other.

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I've seen the same thing when I was at Lowe's where we had this President and Chief Operating Officer Larry Stone, who had been with the company 40 years, was highly respected. And if he came into a meeting and shot down the idea, it could create a ripple effect that would take months, if not years, to recover from. And in the book, you highlight

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The fact that you had a really dynamic and incredible mentor, Danny Kahneman, and you learned this leadership amplification effect through his mentorship. Can you describe what happened to you and how it highlights what this can do?

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So Adam, I've been viewing your work for a long time. I remember your TED Talk from a few years ago, and you've really had an impact on many people. But I wanted to go back to your own story and talk about impacts you have. And I know we have in our lives a series of defining moments that end up shaping who we are. Is there one in particular that's meaningful for you?

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Yeah, and I'm going to take you through a scenario that my daughter and I experienced. And as I go through this, I think this is a one-off thing that happened, but it happened to occur at one of your alma maters, Harvard. Took my daughter at the time she was between eighth grade and freshman year in high school. And she's one of these women who is extremely driven.

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She wanted to go to an Ivy League school and she was already thinking about where she might want to end up. So during the summer, we go up to Boston to go tour MIT and Harvard. And we go to Harvard on our first visit and we are in this huge auditorium probably 300, 400 people around us.

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And the guidance counselor stands up, I guess it was an admissions counselor stands up in front of everyone and says, I want you to look in front of you to each of your side and behind you. She goes, now I want you to turn your gaze to me. And I want to realize that probably no one in this room is going to get into Harvard.

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And because of that fact, the way we conduct our tours of the campus is that we don't go into any of the buildings. We're not going to show you any dorms, anything like that, because it'll be a waste of time to you and to us. So we're going to just walk around the campus. Next day, we went to MIT, same room, same number of people. And in front of the room was an admissions counselor.

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And then there were about 20 students of different ages and et cetera. And this guidance counselor said, we want to give you the full experience of what it's like to be at MIT. And to guide you on this, I can talk about it up here all day, but we're going to bring you into small groups where you can actually go on a tour with a student who's here. We got a student who was from Brazil.

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She had already graduated and was working on her master's. She took us into the labs that she was working in. She introduced us to professors, took us to the student union, took her into our dorm room, et cetera. And to me, this is an example of the leadership amplification effect.

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of how those two different ways of approaching admissions create such a different experience for those and their desire to want to attend those two universities.

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Absolutely. And I think the other thing you don't realize, and this happens in corporations or nonprofits alike, when you take that approach like Harvard did in that situation, not only are you stifling things in that moment, but you could change the trajectory of how a high school student approaches everything.

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If they've just lost the hope that they're never going to be able to get in, it might change their whole approach to I'm not saying it would, but it could. And I think the same thing a leader does. I have this principle that we speak with our feet. And when you're out there, When you're talking to people and you're showing up, it's how you do it that matters so much.

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It's the inflection in your voice. It's how you personalize the response. It's remembering something that an employee told you about their family or something. It's the way that you show up that really motivates people to take the hill, so to speak, or not.

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You're so right. When I was at Dell, the average tenure of a VP was between three and six months. And they had adopted a lot of the GE Jack Walsh philosophy. And one of the things was we had mandatory 10 to 15% were gone every year. And when I was there, what I saw was you were trying to bring in all these visionaries with different perspectives.

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And yet the old guard who were in most of the leadership positions were protecting the old guard. And so the people that they were taking out were the very people that were coming in to bring change. So it had a negative effect. And Adam, I want to use that to go into the last topic I want to explore with you, which is the power of perspective.

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And you write in Chapter seven that highlighting expertize is so critical because people feel more comfortable speaking up when they possess unique knowledge or insights When people feel they know what they're talking about, they're more likely to talk about what they know. Along with feeling supported, having expertise is one of the biggest predictors of speaking up when in a low power position.

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In fact, when people feel they have a unique and relevant perspective, they are often compelled to put their insights or information on the table. It's why expanding the status pie is a key solution to making wise decisions. I think this power of perspective is one of the most important things that we can bring, and it's one of the most undervalued superpowers.

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And I was hoping you could go into this and explain its power.

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Well, I think those identities can come to us at various different points of our lives. And so much of that is influenced by how we're brought up. our own self-confidence, et cetera. And I also think it's through the inspiration that we get from mentors and other people in our lives who are guides. And this whole topic of inspiration is something that we're gonna be talking about a lot today.

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Adam, I want to end on this as a tribute to your father. At the end of the book, when you were giving your salulation speech at high school graduation, you read something from the great Grant Gatsby. That goes like this. And as I sat there brooding on the old unknown world, I thought of Gatsby's wonder when he first picked out the green light at the end of Daisy's dock.

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Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter. Tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther. And one morning, so we beat on boats against the current. And you write that Gatsby's and my dad's green lights speak to the universal, inspiring, infuriating continuum.

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The life worth living is one where we perpetually store strive towards the inspiring. And so my last question for you would be, we all have the capacity to inspire others. What's the most significant shift people can make to unlock this potential in their own lives?

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What inspired you to explore this concept of inspiration as a leader's key trait and how has your own perspective on it evolved over the years?

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Well, thank you for ending on that because this podcast is all about intentions. And Adam, where's the best place for people to go to learn more about you?

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Well, it was such an honor to have you today and congratulations on such a fantastic book. I highly encourage the audience to pick up a copy.

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What an extraordinary conversation with Dr. Adam Galinsky. His work on the science of inspiring leadership is a testament to the idea that we all have the potential to lead and influence with purpose and intentionality.

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Through his research and insights, Adam reveals how becoming a visionary, exemplifying desired behaviors, and mentoring others can transform not only how we lead, but also how we live. Adam's message is a powerful reminder that leadership isn't just about managing tasks. It's about creating meaning, fostering belonging,

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empowering others to thrive as you reflect on today's episode consider this how can you inspire those around you through your words actions and presence what steps can you take to shift toward the inspiring end of the leadership continuum remember as Adam shared inspiring leadership is is not reserved for a select few. It's a skill we can all develop with intentionality and reflection.

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For more on Adam's groundbreaking work, including links to his books, Inspire and Friend and Foe, as well as his viral TED Talk, visit the show notes at passionstruck.com. Be sure to check out today's episode on YouTube and explore exclusive offers from our sponsors at passionstruck.com.

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Supporting our sponsors helps keep the PassionStruck community thriving and allows us to bring you conversations like this one. You can connect with me on Instagram and Twitter at John R. Miles or find me on LinkedIn. I'd love to hear how this episode impacted you and what steps you're taking to become a more inspiring leader in your life. Looking to take your growth to the next level?

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Head over to passionstruck.com and take the Passion Struck quiz to see where you are on your journey to living intentionally. And don't forget to sign up for the Live Intentionally newsletter for weekly tools, exercises, and insights to help you apply these lessons to your everyday life.

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If you found value in today's episode, please take a moment to rate and review the show with five stars and share it with someone. who could benefit from Adam's incredible insights. Your support helps expand our mission to empower people worldwide to lead intentional, impactful lives. Now, here's a sneak peek at what's coming up next on PassionStruck.

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I'm joined by Dan Heath, the bestselling author of Upstream and The Power of Moments, to discuss his transformative new book, Reset, How to Change What's Not Working. Dan shares powerful strategies for identifying what's holding us back and actionable steps to create lasting change in our lives, teams, and communities. You won't want to miss it.

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Thank you as always for spending your time with us and for being part of the PassionStruck community. Remember, the lessons you learn here are only as powerful as the actions you take. Live life PassionStruck.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become Passion Struck. Hey, Passion Struck fam. Welcome back to episode 560.

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Adam, thank you so much for sharing that. And I'm so sorry about your father's tragic death. Thank you so much. Well, what you're describing there is something that Dacher Keltner, who I'm sure you know who Dacher is, describes as moral beauty. We see awe the most when we see other people performing acts of kindness or empathy to others.

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Yet we live in a world where so many people don't express that. And today we're going to be talking about your new book, Inspire, the universal path for leading yourself and others. And I just wanted to note that a friend of mine, Dan Pink, gave you this quote, the best book on leadership I've read in years. So I wanted to put that out there.

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The audience will go and grab a copy of this fantastic book that we're going to discuss today. But congratulations on bringing this into the world.

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I think one of the best ways to describe this continuum is by actually going into the beginning of the book. In your introduction, you pose two strikingly different responses to crisis. On one hand, you profile Southwest Captain Tammy Jo Schultz. who turned a chaotic situation into calm.

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And then you also profile the opposite, Captain Francesco Schettino on a yacht creating chaos through his actions. And I was hoping you might be able to explore those because I think this example is really a great way to explain the duality that you talk about in the book and how each of these shows the essence of inspiring leaderships in moments of high pressure.

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Imagine waking up every day with a clear sense of purpose, feeling deeply connected to the people around you, and knowing that your contributions truly matter. That's what we're all about here at Passion Struck. Each episode is a step toward creating a life filled with meaning, intention, and growth. And this week has been no exception.

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Earlier, I had the privilege of sitting down with Dr. Rick Hansen, who shared profound insights on resilience, happiness, and building an unshakable inner core. If you haven't caught that episode yet, I highly recommend it. Dr. Hansen's wisdom is truly transformative. As always, I want to begin by thanking you for being here and for your commitment to living more intentionally and passionately.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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I am so sorry to hear of so many losses at such a young age. And was for you music a way to, to deal with the pain? Is that what got you initially into a love for music or was it something else?

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As early as they were able, we had them start learning to play piano, which ended up being a great avenue for them into who they are today. Because I always think if you can play piano, you can pretty much learn any other instrument off of that. And that's especially what my son has done. Who's now gotten into music production, et cetera.

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But at 18, as I understand, you were signed to Sony Records, a dream come true for so many young musicians. But instead of fulfillment at that point, as I understand your story, you found yourself starting to spiral. Looking back, whenever it seems like we're spiraling, it's as if we're chasing something. For you, what were you really chasing at that point?

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we're also in the middle of our mental health awareness month series a journey that's challenged us to move beyond symptom management and towards deep sustainable well-being last week i released a solo episode exploring five mental health habits that form the foundation of an emotionally sustainable life and earlier this week i spoke with dr zack mercurio about his powerful new book the power of mattering

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drinking. And for me, I guess the reason I originally did it is I had a traumatic brain injury when I was about five years old and it caused me to be different from that point forward. I had some cognitive issues, speech impairment issues, a bunch of other things. And as a result, from the time I was like five till I got into high school, I guess I was just trying to hide

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behind almost like a mask and I never felt that I was worthy. And so I felt like when I would drink, it gave me this boost of being able to enter a different version of me who I thought was more acceptable to the outside and a response to the pain that I was feeling. What caused you to start using alcohol and other means?

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That conversation unpacked how simple acts of recognition can transform organizational cultures and individual lives. Together, we shift gears, but not direction. Now let me ask you this. What happens when you lose everything? The people you love, the dreams you built, the very sense of who you are. How do you rise from addiction, heartbreak, and suffering, not just to survive, but to matter?

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So during this time, what was going on in your professional life? So you were at this point, having these out of body kind of experiences, what was happening in the real world?

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And what does it take to turn pain into purpose, loss into light, and destruction into deep transformation? That's exactly what we're diving into today with Biette Simkin. Biette's life is extraordinary, not just because of who she is today, but because of the path that got her here. Born to Russian immigrants who fled the Soviet Union in search of freedom,

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I want to discuss this for a little bit. But let me first say I'm so sorry for one loss would have been a lot of having just lost our house to a flood. Losing your house to it burning down is traumatic.

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But losing your daughter, losing your friend, losing your father in quick order, it probably brought you back to your experiences when you were younger, when you had lost your mom and your grandparents in quick order as well. A ton of trauma on top of trauma. But here's where I wanted to go with this. I know in my own life.

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I agree with you that sometimes things are taken away from you because you're not listening. And the more you don't listen, the more you tend to go on a steep decline. And as I've talked to some of the people on this show who have talked to people on the other side, they say that the world we're living in is like an earth school. And when we're

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sent here, we're put on this assignment where we are supposed to be learning important lessons that we come here to do. And the more we depart from that path, the more pain we tend to feel. And the more we lean into the things we're supposed to be learning, the easier life gets. And where I'm going with this is in my own life, I had felt this calling to do what I'm eventually doing now.

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But at the time, I wasn't listening at all. I was Similar to you, I was stuck in this world where I was craving external validation from every angle. I was in the corporate world and doing extremely well and pushing myself to be at the top as quickly as I could. And when I had finally joined Dell, it all started to come crashing down. When I was at the pinnacle of my professional success,

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All of a sudden, it was as if I was faced with plagues. I had scorpions and bedbugs and termites and floods and more flooding. And I can't even tell you. And so I just didn't listen. I just kept going. pushing forward, thinking I was invincible. And it took me to coming to a place like you, where I was, I came face to face with a person inside my house, pointing a gun at me.

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And a few days later, my best friend committing suicide too. I finally had this huge awakening of what the hell are you doing? When is enough going to be enough type of thing? But my question is like, why does it take us? so long when we're given these messages to do something with them, I guess is where I'm going with it.

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She was raised by a shaman and psychotherapist father who exposed her to deep spiritual wisdom from an early age. But her childhood was also chaotic. Her mother died when she was just seven. Her home life lacked structure, and by the time she was a teenager, she was chasing intensity wherever she could find it. At 18, she signed to Sony Records, living the rock and roll dream.

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Been there a couple of weeks, went home back to North Carolina for the first time to go visit my family. And then I flew back and I walk into my temporary condo that I was in and the whole thing has two, three feet of water in it. And then, yeah, more recently, our house got impacted by the hurricane. We had two to three feet of water in it again.

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But instead of fulfillment, she spiraled into a decade-long battle with heroin and cocaine addiction. The final blow came when she lost her father, the last anchor she had to her past. It was in that moment that she faced a choice, continue down a path of destruction or wake up.

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I know for me, and I'm not sure if you hit this point, but I just remember as I was going through this downward spiral, I reached a point where like the emptiness I felt was, I can't even explain it. I was just so utterly numb. I just didn't feel anything. And to me, that is the worst feeling on earth is nothing. You don't feel appreciated. You don't feel love. You don't feel anything.

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And it was just awful. And so I just thought anything has got to be better than this. But I think what was keeping me stuck so much is you end up building this imaginary life where, because at least for me, I was so fixated on all the external markers of success that I thought if I changed this all or I put it all at risk,

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Today, Biette is one of the world's most sought after meditation teachers known for blending music, mindfulness, and modern spirituality in a way that is raw,

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that all the eyeballs were going to be on me and this house I had bought and the life I had created, I'd have to give all that up. And I didn't want to do that. And sometimes, as you're saying, in order to get to where you need to be, you got to give it all up and you've got to take that leap of faith that you're going to go through a rough patch, but you can recover from it.

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But it's hard when you're in it to see that light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

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I remember I was talking to Randy Blight, who you might know who he is, lead singer of Lamb of God. And he was telling me that he was on this tour with Metallica. And at the time, the guys in Metallica were all at that point sober. And he was doing a show with them in Australia. And he was so strung out that and upset with himself that he was on stage.

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And at that time, he had really long hair, so it's covering his face. He is sobbing, but you can't even tell because he's screaming the words out while he's sobbing. And he reached this point that he realized he needed to get sober at that point in time. And he told me something that was similar to something I've read about you. He said that getting sober didn't instantly fix things for him.

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And it got worse before it got better. Did you ever feel that same way?

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real and deeply transformational she's actually been called the david bowie of meditation she's been featured in vogue forbes ellen time and is the best-selling author of don't just sit there in today's conversation we explore the childhood wounds that shaped her and the loss of her mother at seven her rise in the music industry and the decade of addiction that nearly killed her

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Yeah, I remember I interviewed Gabby Bernstein a while back and I was talking to her about her life and her addictions. And she tells the story, she's also written about it, that she at that point was an addict. She was addicted to alcohol and drugs and Whole bunch of other things.

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And she remembered going to a spiritual healer who sent her a tape, who basically said, you can keep going down the route you're going and chase destruction, or you can chase what you're supposed to be doing and you can impact millions of lives.

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When you started to chase the spiritual journey that you're on now with the same zeal that you chased your destruction, what did that pursuit start looking like?

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how she got sober, and why recovery felt harder than addiction itself, the radical connection between meditation, mattering, and reclaiming your life, and why suffering isn't something to run from, but something to learn from. This episode is about awakening, about what it means to go beyond survival and create a life of deep meaning, presence, and purpose.

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So it's safe to say that meditation wasn't just something you turned to. It became your lifeline.

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For those who want to go deeper, you can also check out our episode starter packs at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or Spotify. With over 600 episodes, we've curated playlists on themes like mental toughness, personal growth, and resilience to help you find the insights that resonate most with you.

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So on this show, I have really spent a lot of time talking about the concept of mattering, not seeking external validation, but truly feeling like your existence has meaning. When was the moment you finally felt like you mattered?

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So one thing that has been unique about your style of teaching meditation and the retreats that you do and conferences, et cetera, is that you have really brought your love for music together with your spirituality. And I was hoping you might talk about that and how those two came together.

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Now, let's dive into this raw, powerful, and deeply human conversation with the one and only Viet Simpkin. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so honored today to welcome Biet Simkin to Passion Struck. Welcome Biet.

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Down here where I live, we have the Dali Museum. And one of my favorite exhibits was, I didn't realize the relationship that Dali and he had. And they did a whole Andy Warhol exhibit, which has been one of my favorite ones that they've done in that museum. I love his work.

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Yeah, when we first met and we were talking about breathwork, I will never forget our initial conversations because I was telling you I've had other people on the show who specialize in breathwork and you quickly said, I'm the best in the world. What is it about your techniques that give you that ability to influence people in that way?

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Because a lot of people think breath work, meditation itself is passive. But what I have understand through learning about you is that you use it in a way that it's not about escaping life, but about engaging with it fully. Is that a good way to think about it?

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So how does... The way you teach breath work, allow you to engage and be fully present with it.

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Well, we've been talking about doing this for a while, so I'm glad we could finally get this one in the books. And I'm so excited and honored to bring your story to our audience. This is going to be such a amazing discussion. Let's start with your parents. Your parents made the courageous decision to leave the Soviet Union around 1979, which was the height of the Cold War era.

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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You have worked with major brands, done conferences for major hotels, worked with a long list of A-listers. I know a lot of that changed with COVID. You've written a book now. What's the next chapter for you?

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And for someone who's listening, where can they learn more about that? Where can they go?

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So the last question I had for you, if you could go back to that younger six-year-old girl who lost her mother, who then chased addiction, who felt lost, would you tell her to change anything?

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What do you know looking back about why they made that decision to leave?

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Well, Biette, thank you so much for joining us today on Passion Start. So glad we finally got this recorded and thank you for being so vulnerable. Thank you so much. And that's a wrap. What an extraordinary conversation with Biette Simpkin. Her journey from losing herself in addiction and suffering to awakening through meditation and radical self-inquiry is nothing short of inspiring.

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Her story reminds us that pain is not something to run from. It's something to learn from. That mattering isn't something you chase, it's something you choose. And that true transformation doesn't come from external success, but from the inner work of becoming present, intentional, and aligned with what truly matters. As we close out today's episode, I invite you to reflect on three key takeaways.

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How can you reframe your pain into a path for growth? What would happen if you stopped seeking validation and started living from your soul? And how can you create a daily practice, whether through meditation, self-reflection, or intentional action that brings you back to yourself? If today's discussion resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review.

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It's one of the best ways to support the show and help us bring conversations like this to even more people. And if someone in your life could benefit from Biet's wisdom, share this episode with them because a single conversation can spark transformation. For all the resources we discussed, including Biet's book, Meditations and Music, visit the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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And if this mission truly resonates with you, I'd love to bring it to your stage. I'm now booking speaking engagements for 2025 and 2026. Visit JohnRMiles.com slash speaking to learn how I can support your organization's journey to purpose and performance.

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You can also join the Ignition Room, subscribe to the Ignited Life newsletter, and catch full video episodes and bonus content on our YouTube channels.

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next on passion struck i sit down with joseph nguyen author of don't believe everything you think for a deep dive into the beliefs that hold us back and how to rewire your inner narrative as soon as the parents don't feel enough worth they're going to make their kids feel like that too to make them work for approval for praise for love and that's how the parents believe that the child can grow up to become quote unquote successful but is success worth it if the person is not happy not at peace

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And those are more important questions to ask rather than can I be successful or not? Because then you have to really redefine what success means for you. And that's the point in which you can start to turn the tables and carve and pave a different path for yourself.

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Until then, live boldly, lead with purpose, and as always, live life passion-struck.

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I've been reading most recent book where he's explaining information and how it spreads. And the section I've been reading most recently, he was talking about

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dictator or a communist type of government versus a democratic government and how information spreads and in the soviet union the way he describes it during that time it was very much a closed society where a very small group of people were making the decisions for everyone and because of what you're saying when it came down to the communal nature even when it came down to farms

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become Passion Struck.

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farms were distributed differently so that it was all equal to everyone, even if you were a landowner before. So it's so interesting how kind of unknowing if you grew up with that type of system, how you didn't even realize how much control there was.

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where on the other side, on the democratic side, again, there's a small group of people who are in control, but there's a feedback loop that ends up happening that self-regulates itself, which you didn't really have in the former Soviet Union, so to speak.

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So I want to lean a little bit more into your story growing up, first when your mom is part of it, and then when your mom is not part of it. So you're being raised with both your parents, who, as I understand, didn't speak the greatest English when they came. And what was your home like with your parents as a child?

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Welcome to Passion Struck episode 611, a podcast that ignites change from the inside out. I'm John Miles, and I couldn't be more excited. We just launched the Passion Struck clothing line, and I absolutely love how it turned out. Every piece was designed with intention, wearable, inspiring, and quietly bold. Whether it's a hoodie that says, you matter, live like it,

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So your parents being awakened at that point, being in the 80s, what was that like for them? What do you remember were the things that they used to do, their biggest influences, how that came, how that rubbed off on you?

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So when you were seven, you lost your mom. How much did your life change after she died? And how different was not only your home, but how your father was showing up?

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So what I gathered from studying up on you is he was anything but a helicopter parent. And he had a deeply spiritual mind, but at this point he was pretty much emotionally absent.

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or a shirt that reminds you to own your own spark this collection reflects everything we stand for to celebrate we're also running a giveaway when you join the ignition room our new community for episode reflections prompts and behind the scenes conversations you'll be able to win a passion struck t-shirt and hat from the new line to enter just head over to the show notes it's completely free and our community is growing every day

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Bryant Wood on How to Unlock Healing with Spiritual Biohacking | EP 584

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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I wasn't planning to go here, but it's piqued my interest. What is it about Kratom that does that? Because around here where I live in Florida, you see these Kava and Kratom bars everywhere. And I myself have done Kava and it's been around for centuries, really. But I have never tried Kratom.

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I want to go to this area that I call the disease of disconnection. And I want you to think about this time when you were dealing with this addiction to the painkillers. Did you experience disconnection from yourself at that point?

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Now let me ask you this. What if the strength we've been taught to value isn't real strength at all? What if true power comes not from suppressing emotion, but from embracing it? And how do we redefine masculinity in a way that fosters deep connection, emotional resilience, and authentic living.

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I want to ask a follow-on question about this, and I'm going to set the stage for you so you understand where I'm coming from. Last week, I was interviewing another one of Emma's friends, Sandra Matz, and she's got a new book coming out about AI and what its impact, the algorithms, et cetera, are doing to us as a society.

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And we were exploring this whole concept that she grew up in this very small village in Germany. a village that only had a few hundred people in it and everyone knew your successes, your failures, et cetera. But you always had this feeling that people were watching out for you, that they cared for you, et cetera. And we were describing how that

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village which you could think of your family unit is a village i grew up i think you live in pennsylvania i grew up in pennsylvania and i grew up in york and i always felt especially york it's not a very big town but within that i also grew up in a very catholic community so within that community i felt that and now we're going into a global village where many of the actors that were

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interfacing with don't have our best interest at heart. And in fact, many of them are nefarious and are wanting to control us in certain ways. So how do you think, especially for young adults right now,

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this is impacting their sense of belonging and their feeling of not only how do they matter to themselves but how they show up to others i guess is where i'm going with it i live so i live in atlanta georgia now and i live on the water and i don't know any of my neighbors and it's about 15 minutes to 20 minutes to get anywhere where there's other people

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That's exactly what we're diving into today with Bryant Wood, a former model and bodybuilder turned master breathwork instructor, spiritual guide, and transformational coach. Bryant has dedicated his life to helping others break through emotional barriers, reconnect with their true selves, and harness the power of breath to heal from within.

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And I'm going to just segue this into a question that I wanted to ask you. You've been married to Kat Graham, the actress, now for a year. And for those who aren't familiar with Kat, in addition to being an actor, She is also a big humanitarian and she has done a lot of work for the UN, specifically trying to help refugees feel seen and valued.

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As you've worked with her now more than that the two of you have come together, this whole thing I'm talking about with feeling that you belong, it's not just a US thing. This is something that people are feeling everywhere. What have you experienced through her work along this lens?

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His work is rooted in empowering people to unlock their highest potential through mindfulness, movement, and deep inner work. But Brian's personal journey is what makes his message so powerful. Once consumed by external validation, numbing himself through substances, and disconnected from his spiritual core, he reached a breaking point that forced him to turn inward.

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It's interesting. I told you my fiance, Corey, I told you about her earlier, but what I didn't tell you is she's a nurse practitioner. She happens to work for an eye institute who does a lot of glaucoma and cataract surgery. So many of the people she's meeting with are older adults. And oftentimes she may be the only person that they're interacting with in a given day.

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And she really just cherishes those interactions because she really views it as an opportunity not only to clear them for their surgery, but also to make them feel like they're seen and heard. And it's one of the qualities that I admire about her the most is she's an empath and she's Jewish and I think has this nurturing quality about her that

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I can't tell you how many times since we've been dating, she hears how she has saved people's lives or just made them feel better. And it's eye-opening just how a small minute or two conversation can change the whole trajectory of a person's day, week, even life.

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Absolutely. Brian, I want to get back to your story and your healing journey. You describe assessing something that you call your signature frequency as a turning point in your healing journey. What does that term mean and how can others find their signature frequency?

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Through breathwork, prayer, and radical self-exploration, He rediscovered his purpose, and now he's here to help us do the same. In today's conversation, we explore the power of breathwork as a tool for emotional and spiritual transformation.

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I'm glad you say that because that's what this whole podcast is about. And I wrote a book last year and I open it up by talking about, I think so many people today are living in what Henry David Thoreau called quiet desperation, meaning they find themselves stuck in this place in life and they don't know how to get out of it.

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And they've become such a shell of who they are wearing what I call is the mask of pretense, really hiding themselves. who they are because they're trying to conform instead of letting themselves shine. And I think that's exactly what you're describing.

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how to cultivate true strength through vulnerability and self-awareness, the science of signature frequency, and how to step into your most authentic self, as well as practical strategies for fostering belonging, connection, and personal growth.

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It is. And this is where that whole disease of disconnection I was talking about really takes root, because if you're not connected to yourself, there's no way you're going to feel like others feel like you matter or there's no way you're going to make other people feel like they matter in the same way if you don't feel like you matter to yourself.

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So one of the things that you're most known for is breathwork. And as you and I were talking about before we came on the show, I first came across breathwork in kind of the early to mid 90s when I was part of-

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part of a SEAL team and we were using circle breathing and box breathing, probably more box breathing, but it was really a technique that we were using to try to reset our central nervous system so that we wouldn't panic. And we did a lot of yoga practice, a lot of work that you wouldn't think of for elite warriors.

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And I remember at that time, we did a lot of training exercise with the Italian special forces, the French foreign Legion. and others, and none of them were using this like we were. But for you, how did Breathwork help you reclaim your sense of power and presence?

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This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating personal challenges, seeking deeper emotional healing, or looking to redefine what it means to live with true authenticity and purpose. Bryant brings profound wisdom, raw honesty, and an undeniable passion for helping others break free from limiting beliefs.

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Makes me think as people set new year's goals and they look back on the failures that they've had over the past year for not achieving, for not achieving their goals. How much of that do you think has to deal with these emotions being shut off? And then, cause I think it matters a lot more than people realize.

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And for those who want to go deeper, check out our episode starter packs on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs. With over 580 episodes, we've curated playlists on themes like mental health, personal transformation, and physical well-being. to help you find the insights that resonate most with you.

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Well, I had an interesting conversation. I'm not sure if you know who Susan Cain is. She's an author. Wrote a great book called Quiet and then came out with another book last year called Bittersweet. And I really wanted to interview her about it because she was really going into these hard emotions we don't want to talk about. Sorrow, suffering, sadness. And we tend to shut those things off.

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And this past year, I experienced them in a profound way. I brought up my sister. But then we were also impacted with three feet of water in our house after the hurricanes and had a lot of emotional impact. And I saw just how much it completely halted a lot of the goals that I had for the year. It was like a tale of two years for me. At the beginning of the year, I put out a book.

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I feel like I'm in cloud nine. My sister dies. Then the hurricane. And it was so hard for me because I was emotionally shut off to get back into those things. And it had a ripple effect in that it started impacting what I was eating and how I was exercising and then how I was showing up to others.

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And don't forget to subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter for exclusive weekly insights, tools, and actionable strategies to live with greater intention. Now, let's dive into an inspiring exploration of breathwork, emotional healing, and redefining strength with the one and only Bryant Wood.

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So I want to talk to you about biohacking. So Passion Struck is at its core an alternative health podcast. So we have done a lot of conversations on the subject of how do you bring down your biological age? And I've had Mark Hyman and Rhonda Patrick, Kara Fitzgerald, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, where we've explored that area of it.

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But an area that I haven't really talked about is spiritual biohacking. What's the difference? Because you've been a pioneer in this. You've led sold out talks at the biohacking conference, et cetera. What's the difference?

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely thrilled today to bring Bryant Wood on PassionStruck. Welcome Bryant.

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It's interesting because when I think about talking to Mark Hyman about functional medicine, which he really took from being a novel thing to now It's becoming mainstream. One of the core aspects that I don't hear talked a lot about is spiritual health as a part of it. And yet I think spiritual health is one of the things that's lacking more now than it's ever been.

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All you gotta do is look at the declining attendance at churches around the world. Why do you think there's been a disconnect from the need for spiritual health with the other elements of biohacking?

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I absolutely believe that. And I think that with the spiritual healing, for me, it goes hand in hand with hope and gratitude, I find.

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I have to give some credit to our mutual friend, Emma Sapella for introducing us. And I thought maybe that would be a great starting point. Emma was a guest of the show last year. She and I have gone on to become very good friends and collaborators. And I really think she's one of the leading people out there as you and I talked about before on

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Are you familiar with director and producer Louis Schwartzberg? Tell me about it. Well, he's most well-known for a Netflix show he did called Fantastic Fungi, which you might have heard of. But if you want to watch something really profound, and I think it gets into this whole core of spiritual healing. Last year, or maybe the year before, one of the two, he did something called Gratitude Revealed.

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And he did this documentary on people really expressing gratitude in different forms through different parts of the world. And it was really profound how this gratitude and how we see the moral beauty around us transforms our spiritual sense of well-being. So I just thought it might be something for you to take a look at because I thought he did a tremendous job on it.

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I think when you start from a place of gratitude, it completely changes the whole approach that you have for your day. I mean, every single day I start my day. I take my dog for a walk and while I'm doing it, I incorporate meditation practice where I am really trying to put myself in one with nature and thanking the universe for another day on the planet. And what am I going to do with it?

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Because. We all have days where we wish we got more sleep or we don't feel the greatest or whatever. But what I've really found is how you approach those first moments of your day have a cascading effect on how that day is going to go for you. So I always just try to say, no matter what, I want to live a day of excellence because you don't know how many you're going to get.

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Brian, you are someone who has participated in mainstream media in many different ways, from speaking to being a top model to being an actor on Netflix. You bring a real unique lens to what it means to be male and have influenced many males around the world. How do you think media representation impacts our understanding of masculinity and our emotional expression?

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Well, where I'm trying to go with this is to establish your prominence in this space, because where I really want to go with this is I want to ask you, and then we're going to go from it. What does it mean to you to be a strong and compassionate man in today's world?

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Thank you for sharing that. And where I'm trying to go with this is you can look at a lot of people's social spaces and especially those with large audiences and how they're moving people. And I think for a lot of the male dominated ones, there's this image of dominance or a power or of those things. And when I looked at your Instagram.

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One of the posts that really stood out to me is there's this picture of you with these letters written over your face. And it wasn't words of dominance. It was words of love, peace, compassion, understanding. And when I read what you wrote on this, it was really telling. You wrote, what is in your veins? Only a certain quantity or quality of information can get into your brain at a time.

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And you talked about when I changed the way I perceived the people in the environment that you were around and you got connected back to yourself, only then did your energy open up and flow. So you started to change the way you saw the world by being attuned to your consciousness to let more beauty be into your life.

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And when I think where I'm going with this is you have the chance to influence people. You have the chance to project different things. But what you're projecting there isn't the projection that we see coming out of a lot of male role models. But I think it's one that more people need to see. Because I think that's where true beauty and death lies.

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And that's where I was really trying to go with this question.

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So it's really goes to the heart and core of you emphasizing the power of presence and awareness. And by doing so, it makes the world a better place.

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It makes sense. And really the overarching thing I'm hearing you say is that too many people today are not leaning into their weaknesses. They're not acknowledging the things that they do when they're wrong. And I think part of this goes to, we don't like to admit our vulnerabilities. What you're really saying is that vulnerable, it helps us break down the walls.

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And when we break down the walls, it helps compassion and care break through and allows us to be more empathetic is basically what I'm getting from you.

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I was supposed to interview him last year and unfortunately it fell apart for very sad reasons. My sister who was a Buddhist died of pancreatic cancer and it was just weeks ahead of when I was supposed to interview him. So we weren't able, I wasn't able to get to where he was and we couldn't pull it together, but that is still something I would love to do.

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Brian, thank you for sharing that. And the last thing I wanted to ask you about is you've been one of the first breathwork instructors to explore virtual reality in conjunction with breathwork. How do you see technology, including VR shaping the future of mindfulness and connection?

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Well, thank you so much for sharing that. And I really appreciate you joining us today. If someone wants to learn more about you, your work, et cetera, where are some of the best places to locate it?

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Brian, thank you so much for joining us today. It was really an honor to have you. Thank you, John. I so appreciate your questions. And we're going with all of this. And I think they're really important to discuss. And that's a wrap. What an extraordinary conversation with Brian Wood. His journey to deep healing is a powerful reminder that true strength isn't about suppressing emotion.

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It's about embracing vulnerability, connection and self-awareness. Through his wisdom on breathwork, emotional healing and redefining masculinity, Bryant has given us tools to reconnect with ourselves and live with greater authenticity. As we wrap up, I encourage you to reflect on a few key takeaways from today's episode. Are you showing up in life as your most authentic self?

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What small shifts in your mindset or habits could help you cultivate deeper inner peace? And how can you strengthen your emotional connections and create a greater sense of belonging in your life? If this conversation resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review.

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It's one of the best ways to support the show and help us continue bringing impactful conversations like this to the PassionStruck community. If you know someone who could benefit from Brian's insights, share this episode with them. You never know how much one conversation can change someone's life.

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And for all the resources we discussed, including Brian's work, visit the show notes at passionstruck.com. If you want to go even deeper, be sure to watch the video version of this episode on my John R. Miles YouTube channel, where you'll find more enriching conversations just like this one. And while you're there, hit subscribe and become part of our growing community.

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And if you're looking to bring these transformative insights into your organization or team, Visit JohnRMiles.com slash speaking to explore how we can work together to create intentional change. Coming up next on Passion Struck, I'm joined by Nir Eyal, bestselling author of Hooked and Indistractable. In a world filled with distractions, Nir will break down the psychology of habit formation.

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hidden forces that control our focus and how to reclaim your time and attention in an age of constant demands if you've ever felt like your life is being pulled in a million directions this episode will give you the tools to take back control and design a life of deep focus and intentionality so make sure you're subscribed and get ready for another transformative conversation when i applied to college the most important thing when you looked at a university was how many books were in their library

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And remember, the fee for the show was simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And most importantly, take what you've learned and put it into action. Because knowledge alone doesn't create change, but action does. Until next time, live life passion struck.

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That's something that people tell me about His Holiness the Dalai Lama, too, is that he takes every message and he really personalizes it. Now, I think his overall message is he wants to end human suffering, but he really personalizes it to each person he interacts with and what part they can do to help people.

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Did you get the same sense from your takeaways in any of those three interviews that you did?

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Thank you for sharing that. And Brian, I want to go back to your early beginnings. You've spoken in the past. I've heard you talk about that. When you were younger, you really developed a deep spiritual connection, but later you lost that connection. Can you discuss that? And was there an event that happened that caused that to happen? Was it just you aging and changing your belief cycles?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome to episode 584.

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What was it that happened as you entered adulthood?

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Yeah, it's interesting. I was a division one athlete myself. And for those people who go into it, I don't think I realized before I accepted it and started performing how much you are really owned in a sense by the school who you're I almost like to say performing for, because you really are.

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I mean, everything, your whole scholarship, everything is dedicated to you giving 120% to that athletic endeavor. Did you find that to be the case as well?

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I didn't have as much of that luxury, although that's what their expectation was. But I was at the Naval Academy, so we still had to do a whole bunch of stuff around it. But they still had that attitude. I ran cross country and track. So we were still running at times 80 to 120 miles a week.

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And I just remember my plebe year just being physically and utterly exhausted, especially during track seasons. And I remember, and I tell people these stories and they can't believe it. We would do a warmup six to eight mile run, and then we would come to the track and do four or five, one mile repeats all under 430 with a 400 in between and the 800 ones and others were even worse.

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And then having to go from that and know you were going to get harassed back in the halls and then having to study and everything else, it's just a lot.

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Whether you're a longtime listener or tuning in for the first time, I am so grateful you're here. You've joined a global movement dedicated to igniting purpose, living boldly with intention and creating a life filled with meaning and connection. Before we dive in, let's reflect on the powerful conversation we had earlier in the week with Dr. Laurie Santos.

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Wrestling is one of those things that, I mean, it takes a lot out of you. You have to deal with a lot of physical pain. And injuries. Now I had things like stress fractures and other things like that, but it doesn't really compare in a way to what you were going through. And I was talking to a friend who played for Notre Dame around the time they won their 88 national championship.

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And he was telling me how they were at that time encouraged to use painkillers.

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Laurie is one of the world's foremost experts on happiness and well-being, and she took us on a deep dive into the science of joy, why our minds mislead us, and the power of connection in building a truly fulfilling life. If you haven't had a chance to listen, I highly recommend going back. It's packed with wisdom that can transform the way you approach happiness and meaning.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Have you ever felt that your pursuit of excellence leaves you more stressed than satisfied? What if perfectionism isn't a flaw to be fixed, but a strength to be harnessed? Today, we're diving into the transformative and often misunderstood world of perfectionism with Katherine Morgan Schaffler.

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Yeah, it's interesting. I interviewed Alison Woodbrooks last week, who's a professor at Harvard Business School, who focuses on kind of the art of conversation. And she said something to me about when we're talking to someone, it really has this duality to it that we either feel seen or we feel unseen. And it

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what you were just talking about and reading the room and emotions and everything else kind of brought that up to me. Is there a connection between our communication and how others communicate with us and perfectionism?

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psychotherapist, speaker, and author of The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, A Path to Peace and Power. Catherine's groundbreaking approach challenges everything we think that we know about perfectionism, showing us that it isn't something we need to fix or eradicate. It's a force that can be harnessed for growth, connection, and fulfillment.

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I love how you describe that intimacy. And the other thing I think about when I think about deep conversations is almost Louise Hay's mirror work, except in her work, it's really putting a mirror up against yourself. And I think in real deep conversation, intimate conversation, it's putting up a mirror

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to each other, because when we really listen to someone, when we truly are intimate about their lives, we see aspects of our own story in theirs, even though our stories could be completely different, there's still an underlying connection to standards or conditions that we all feel, so to speak.

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So I never know how these interviews are going to go. I was going to ask you a question to describe the five different types of perfectionists, but you kind of already went into one. So I'm going to change away my approach and I'm going to go into each one of them and ask you a question about them. Is that all right?

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OK, so you have five different types of perfectionist. You talked about the second one, which is the Parisian perfectionist. You start out with the classical perfectionist who values structure and self-discipline, but can sometimes come across as rigid or unapproachable. How can someone with this type of perfectionism balance their strengths like reliability or perhaps attention to detail?

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In our discussion, we'll explore the five types of perfectionists, classic, intense, Parisian, messy, and procrastinator. and how understanding your type can unlock self-awareness and strengthen your relationships. We go into how perfectionism impacts our sense of belonging, self-worth, and wholeness, and why it's so deeply tied to our desire to matter.

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without letting their need for structure isolate them from others around them?

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Catherine discusses her personal journey through a cancer diagnosis, which forced her to confront her own need for control and how it shaped her understanding of resilience, compassion, and joy. We discuss practical strategies to shift from self-punishment to self-compassion, creating a healthier relationship. more intentional relationship with perfectionism.

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The third one, I was really surprised by the name when I first read it, the procrastinator perfectionist, because I typically don't think of perfectionists as procrastinators, but I can see how it happens when people freeze when it comes to starting new things due to their failure or fear of failure or fear of loss.

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For me, it's something I talk about here all the time. Bob Sutton, a Stanford professor, wrote this great book on how to close the gap between knowing and doing. And to me, that's kind of what resonated here. It's kind of the mindset thing.

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That staying stuck is a greater risk than taking imperfect action or something like that is what I was playing around with in my mind when I was trying to go through this concept.

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Which brings us to the fourth. Yeah. Which brings us to the fourth one, which is the messy perfectionist who thrives on new beginnings, but struggles with follow through, often putting the blame on themselves when things fall apart.

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So how can someone who's a messy perfectionist embrace their creativity and adaptability while working within the real world constraints of things like time, resources, et cetera?

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And then lastly, we go into how embracing your perfectionism can help you stop striving for superficial control and start living with real power.

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Whether you identify as a perfectionist, know someone who does, or simply want to deepen your understanding of how to live more intentionally, this episode will offer insights and actionable tools to help you find peace, embrace your wholeness, and enjoy your life today, not someday.

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I absolutely see, having gone through the process, what you mean. I would either have to go down the traditional publishing or the hybrid publishing to get it done for the exact reasons that you just brought up.

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Before we dive into today's episode, let's reflect on the powerful conversation with Shige Oishi we shared earlier this week. Dr. Oishi is a professor of psychology at the University of Chicago and has dedicated his career to studying happiness, meaning, and culture. And he introduced us to this concept of psychological richness.

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And Catherine, that brings us to the last one, the intense perfectionist who's laser focused on their vision, often struggling with anger or frustration when things don't go as planned. And as I was reading this type, it made me think of Steve Jobs.

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Because he was someone who was so laser focused on his vision. He didn't give a hoot about likability. That was like the last thing from his mind. And this is a type in the Fortune 50 world that I existed in, I saw a lot of this. And you see a lot of it, I think, in entrepreneurs too.

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So how can someone, if they're an intense perfectionist, balance their drive for results with the need for collaborating and having empathy on others, which typically can be lacking? Yeah.

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The idea that a life filled with diverse, novel, and challenging experiences can lead to deeper fulfillment. This is a topic I'm going to tackle even more deeply in tomorrow's solo episode and how we can apply psychological richness to our work environments. And if you're ready to take these insights even deeper, don't forget to check out our episode starter packs.

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Yeah, well, if you look at the Harvard study of adult aging, or if you look into self-determination theory, they both showcase how important relationships are to us and our overall well-being. So absolutely plays into our sense of mattering and belongingness, regardless of what type you are. I'm going to switch the conversation a little bit on you.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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I can't believe we have over 570 episodes now, and I know it can be overwhelming. So we've curated playlists to help you find just the topic that you need to listen to today. You can find them on Spotify or by visiting passionstruck.com. For weekly inspiration and actionable tips, be sure to sign up for the Live Intentionally newsletter.

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It's packed with exclusive content and tools, as well as challenges to help you put the lessons from our episodes into practice. And if you prefer watching these conversations, all our episodes are available on our YouTube channels where you can catch the videos and share them with others in your life who are passionate about growth.

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So now let's get back to uncovering the science, stories, and strategies behind turning perfectionism from a source of shame into a powerful tool for growth and belonging. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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Thank you.

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I am so excited today to welcome Katherine Morgan Schaffler, the PassionStruck podcast. Welcome, Katherine.

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Catherine, the way I normally like to set up these interviews is I'll do a little bit of your background and then we're going to get into later on your terrific book, which I'm holding here, The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control.

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And I just wanted to give this the praise it deserves because not only is it a Next Big Idea Club book, but Amazon and USA Today recommended it as one of their books to readers. So congratulations on that.

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Well, Catherine, thank you so much for sharing that. And I'm going to have to wrap up here because I know you need to go. But this is one of those episodes where I wish I had another hour with you because there are a few that we just talked about self-punishment. But there are a few things I just want to give to the audience on why they should buy this book.

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You have worked with some of the most ambitious, high-achieving individuals, yet one theme as I was looking through your work seems universal. The tension between striving for perfection and and a feeling of a sense of belonging. Can you share how your journey for studying perfectionism began?

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Uh, two of my favorite chapters were chapter seven and chapter eight and chapter seven. Catherine goes into 10 key perspective shifts to help you find the success you're looking for. And in chapter eight, she goes through eight behavioral strategies to help each type of perfectionist. So definitely encourage you to buy the book, to learn about those things.

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And one of the, my favorite things that you talk about in the book is perfectionism is a power and. To me, it's this whole idea that we're already whole, not because of what we do, but because of who we are and embracing this belief can deepen our sense of belonging. And we shouldn't look at perfectionism as a negative aspect to us, but as a strength, we just need to learn how to harness.

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So with that, what is the best way for listeners to learn more about you?

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Thank you too. And I also love that you highlighted other guests that I've had on the show in the book, like Amy Morin. So I love her.

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Those things were great too. So thank you so much, Catherine. It was such an honor.

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And that concludes today's episode. What an enlightening and thought-provoking conversation that was with Katherine Morgan Schaffler. Today's episode was a powerful, thought-provoking exploration of perfectionism, what it truly means, how it impacts our lives, and how we can transform it from a source of shame into a source of strength.

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Catherine's insights into the five types of perfectionists, her deeply personal story, and her strategies for embracing self-compassion have given us a fresh and empowering perspective on living with intentionality as well as authenticity. As we close, I encourage you to reflect on your own relationship with perfectionism. Are you striving for control or are you embracing your wholeness?

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Are you giving yourself permission to enjoy your life today rather than waiting for that elusive perfect moment? Catherine's wisdom reminds us that perfectionism isn't about fixing ourselves. It's about reclaiming our power, connecting to our sense of belonging, and choosing joy over judgment. If Catherine's message resonated with you, please take a moment, leave us a five-star rating and review.

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Your feedback fuels the show and helps us bring these transformative conversations to the PassionStruck community. And if you know someone who could benefit from today's episode, share it with them. Because one conversation can spark a lifetime of change.

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You'll find links to everything we discussed today, including Catherine's book, The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, in the show notes at passionstruck.com. Don't forget to check out the video version of this conversation on our YouTube channels and explore our sponsors and exclusive deals at passionstruck.com.

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Supporting our partners allows us to continue delivering impactful episodes like this one. Before we go, I want to remind you that I love bringing these insights to organizations and teams through keynotes and speaking engagements. If today's discussion inspired you, and if you think it could benefit your workplace or community, visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn more.

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Next week, I am thrilled to sit down with Randy Bly. lead vocalist of the renowned metal band Lamb of God and author of the forthcoming memoir, Just Beyond the Light, Making Peace with the Wars Inside Our Head. Randy delves into his personal journey of maintaining positivity and perspective amidst life's challenges.

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He shares insights on balancing sobriety, art, and surfing, and offers hope that true balance is achievable even in seemingly hopeless times. Join us for this compelling conversation that explores finding light beyond the darkness.

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And remember, the fee for this show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And as always, take what you have learned here and put it into action so that you can live what you listen. Till next time, live life passion strong.

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And the book is really written, as I was reading it, more towards women, but it's obviously universally applicable. But you describe perfectionism as a woman's attempt to feel whole in a world that often expects her to minimize herself. And my question to you is, how can we define wholeness in a way that honors ambition while freeing us from the need to overperform or over control?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome back to episode 572.

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Okay.

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I am so grateful for the incredible energy, enthusiasm, and dedication that you bring to this community each week. Your commitment to living a purpose-driven and intentional life is what makes the passion struck movement so powerful. And together, we're creating a ripple effect of positive change. Now let me ask you something.

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Thank you for going into that. And I do agree that language, especially in different environments, tends to play significantly different roles between genders. And I mean, I've seen it play out so many times during my professional career.

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So you have done a lot of work on empathetic accuracy, which delves into our ability to sense emotional landscapes and how we connect with others, if I understand it correctly. How does that skill intersect with perfectionism?

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Coming up next on PassionStruck.

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Man, I love that backstory. I have a really good friend who won The Apprentice. She was on the year that, not Donald Trump, who am I thinking of? Oh, what's her name? She's everywhere. Has her own cooking, known for cooking. Martha Stewart? Martha Stewart. How can I... Okay, I'm going to say that again because I can't believe I blew it.

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You have just joined a community that's all about transformation, purpose, and tapping into your fullest potential. We're thrilled to have you on this journey with us. And for those who want to dive even deeper or introduce this to a friend or a family member, remember to check out our episode starter packs. With over 540 episodes, it can be overwhelming to know where to begin.

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So what this reminds me of is I have a good friend who won The Apprentice the year that Martha Stewart did it. And she went on to lead her online brands. But coming out of that,

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She found that doing events and festivals, she didn't do a festival like yours, but she and her husband for many years concentrated on these festivals, whether it was a wine and beer festival or they did a lot because she ran Women's Running World magazine around big races and promoting them and running them. And it was through her that I realized how lucrative these things could be.

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So when you think about a medieval fair like this, what are the moving parts underneath it that a person who's attending it might not even see? Because I agree with you, I go to these things, and I know they're a business, but I don't really think of it as a business.

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So we've curated playlists for you on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs. I also want to give a quick shout out to this week's earlier episode with Jessica Zweig, an award-winning entrepreneur, personal branding expert, and the bestselling author of The Light Work.

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Wow. So I want to take a step back here because many of the listeners who are tuning in today are probably sitting in the same place you were sitting. I know I was sitting there about the same age. I had gotten this job at Dell when I was 39 to be a CIO there. But I had this feeling for a while that I wasn't really doing what I

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considered my passion and it was more like I was going through the motions and I felt like I was climbing the ladder and I was getting more money and all that, but I just didn't feel fulfilled.

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But a lot of times it's difficult because I don't think we're taught how to weigh the risks and rewards of leaving a stable job, whether it's a corporate position or it could be you're a doctor or you're a lawyer or something else to pursue your own ventures. What going into this were your biggest concerns and how did you overcome them?

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Jessica shared profound insights on harnessing your inner light, embracing your authentic self, and using spirituality as a tool for personal growth. If you're on a journey of self-discovery and want to learn how to step into your infinite potential, be sure to check out that episode. It's packed with inspiration and practical advice.

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Well, let's take someone who might be earlier in their journey. Let's say someone's in their mid-20s and maybe they've come out with a business degree and they're working kind of in a lower level position, working their way up, but they have this big passion on the side. Maybe they want to be a writer. Maybe they love music, whatever it may be. What are some things that they can do?

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And I know we're going to get more into this. right now in their career where they could be setting the seeds to do what they really love while doing this thing that maybe is giving them a paycheck, but they're not completely thrilled about.

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Let's talk about that individual person, and then I'll go into the book after that.

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And for those of you who want to go even deeper into topics related to this podcast, you can sign up for my weekly newsletter, Live Intentionally, where we do deep dives on the different episodes, especially my solo ones, and give you courage challenges to better implement these into your life. Just go to passionstruck.com to sign up.

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I'm glad you brought that up because us both being authors and having published books, I don't think I realized that I was going to need more practice in marketing and promotion that I wasn't actually writing the darn book. That seems to be a much bigger focus of getting the thing out in the world than actually writing the darn thing.

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It absolutely is. Well, George, let's talk about don't settle in the introduction of your book. You compare intentionality to physical fitness, calling it a superpower. I absolutely because you read my book, and listeners of this podcast know my podcast is all about intentionality. So I definitely agree. It's a superpower.

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Can you elaborate yourself on what intentionality has meant for you and how practicing it has shaped your journey and why it's so transformative?

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Today's episode is going to be transformative, especially if you're navigating questions around work fulfillment and finding a career path that doesn't align with who you are. I'm thrilled to welcome George Applin, author of Don't Settle, a pick your path guide to intentional work.

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I think that's a great way to look at it. And I remember I did an interview with Angela Duckworth. You and I both are fans of her work. And I really wanted to talk to her about intentionality because I really pressed her on it. I said, I think you missed an ingredient with grit. I think you didn't talk enough about being intentional.

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And in her world, intentionality is really the study of self-control, which she has done a lot of work on. And she came back and said, I wouldn't disagree with you. Passion and perseverance aren't the only two quadrants that you need to be concerned with. You also have to have the self-control in order to make the right choices.

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And this is something that I think you nailed in your introduction by saying being intentional means consciously owning your choices. And I don't think people think about the power of choice enough, and especially the micro choices that we make, because I have always found it's those micro choices that really determine your endpoint much more than the bigger decisions we tend to make.

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What are your thoughts on that?

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Well, I'd love to hear, before we go into more of the concepts in the book, or maybe you can apply it to this, let's dive deeper into how you use the power of intentionality in one of your endeavors. After you founded the Medieval Festival, you launched a mead-making company, which is now renowned as having some of the best mead in the world. Can you talk about that path?

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I absolutely loved this interview with George, and he brings a wealth of experience from leading companies and startups to creating nonprofits that help veterans and first responders. His diverse journey is a testament to what's possible when you approach work with intentionality. In our conversation, George takes us on a pathfinding quest to answer some of the most critical questions in life.

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And I mean, because it's one thing to say, I've got a Renaissance festival. People like to drink mead here. I want to create my own to actually implementing the idea and being intentional while you're trying to be a partner in a firm and run the festival itself.

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How can you align your career with your passions? What does it mean to pursue intentional work? And how do you make deliberate choices that transform your professional and personal life?

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And the next thing you're going to do is create a program that executive teams that need to do team building can come to your forest and do a magical team building exercise.

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I think people in those companies would love it. Take a sword and get to hit each other. I'm sure they've only dreamed about that a thousand times in their mind, so.

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Well, I just want to mention a couple of things that you talked about in case people didn't really catch them. So you start this festival, you now have this piece of land. And one of the things that I was always taught is you got to look for right-of-ways in businesses. So a right-of-way is this. When I was at Lowe's, our main business was retail.

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We'll cover practical tools like his MetaPaths framework, which gives you five distinct approaches, independent, money, passion, experiment, and balance, that can guide you in aligning your career with your passions. You'll learn how to apply these paths to make intentional decisions about your work and life.

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But a right-of-way for us is we ran one of the most sophisticated supply chain systems in the world. So you could make a lot of money by moving other people's products or using that to teach other companies on how to do it better. I mean, they're right-of-ways like that. But for you, because you have this land, you want to use it more times of the year.

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If you can use this property to make a product, you're using it to make more money and you leaned in on, you could buy other people's needs, but then you're losing out on the margin potential and you can control how much you make and the quality of it and produce a superior product where you're making more money off of it. So lots of key things for people to learn from that, because whether it's

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a festival or whether it's your own personal business, it's these right of ways that we often don't think about that become easy stepping stones that people can take. Exactly. You said it better than I did. Perfect.

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John described it.

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So I want to get back to your book, Don't Settle. And in it, you introduce, which is really at the heart of it, this matrix that helps people identify their unique career paths, or as you call them, meta paths. And in here, you describe them as independent, money, passion, experiment, and balance. Can you explain what each one of those are and how these meta paths work? Sure.

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whether that means pursuing your passions directly or creating a career that funds what you love outside of work. We'll also discuss the Japanese concept of Ikigai and why it's only the starting point. George will share actionable exercises to help you go deeper in understanding what truly fulfills you and how to plot a path that fits your unique goals and lifestyle.

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So you mentioned earlier that you're at the McCombs School of Business. You're trying to talk to a lot of college students about this, which is great because whether they're coming out of high school, early in their years at college, this is really important information for them to get. So for someone who's a freshman or a sophomore in college, how do you approach laying out these ideas?

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Because at that age, I mean, many of them probably aren't even thinking that far ahead. So how do you help close that gap for them?

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I want to take a different scenario here. So let's not take a person who's at this point of their life. Let's take a person who's further into their life. I mean, maybe we'll just use me as an example. So I, similar to you, I didn't know it was called the balanced approach, but I believe I was taking the balanced approach because I was trying to reach a level of capital that

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I could get out of what I was doing because I was finding it was not lighting me up inside. In fact, you can probably agree with this, that you reach a point where when your job becomes dealing with HR issues and the politics of the day,

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it gets to be a major drag and that's where i had gotten and i had been building up this capital for years and years because i wanted to launch at that point it was different than what i'm doing today but something akin to this and i knew i needed the capital to get it going But then an unexpected life event hit me.

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His insights will empower you to stop following the default career path and start making deliberate choices that lead to joy, productivity, and a life you love. And remember, you can watch every episode of the Passion Struck Podcast on YouTube, where our community continues to grow.

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I had been married for 22 years and all of a sudden wound up in a situation where I was getting divorced, not because I wanted to, but because life happened. And all of a sudden, this war chest I had built up is now significantly depleted. And so now you're faced with this situation that you really want to start this passion project. But you're back to you need to earn more money.

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And what do you do? What would you give someone who I'm using my example, but other people are in a similar situation?

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so let me give you another scenario which i think could be common in for many of the college students out there and i'll relate this to me i had grandparents who really felt like their grandkids should be doctors and they had this in mind of the life that that they thought that we could have. And I think in some cultures, there's even more and more pressure on this.

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So the kid is basically told you're going to be a doctor or you're going to do this profession. And they know in the back of their mind, it's not something that they love, but they're being forced into. And down the line, they're hoping for an outlet that they can go into. And I think, unfortunately, this happens more than it's more common than I probably even think it is.

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You'll find us on the John R. Miles YouTube channel, along with our Passion Struck Clips channel for bite-sized insights. So let's jump into today's conversation with George Ablund. and discover how to design a career and a life that truly aligns with your passions and values.

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How could they go into this knowing that they're in this state and facing this pressure? And how do they pick a meta path when that's thrust on them?

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely thrilled today to bring George Appling to the PassionStruck podcast. Welcome, George.

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I mean, I think the real common scenario is, someone knows they want to try to become an actor or like you're saying a musician or something like that, where your odds of really making it big are quite low. And it takes a lot of sacrifice. I remember I was just listening to an interview that Stevie Nicks, a lead singer of Fleetwood Mac gave.

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And she said before she got into Fleetwood Mac, she was working at, um, um, as a waitress and she was barely making enough money to put food on the table and didn't think there was ever going to be a path that she could see of getting out of the situation. And then a path emerged and obviously now the rest is history.

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But oftentimes you go into these things with this passion that you want to do something and What happens if you're now a few years into it and this passion project isn't working out? How do you still keep it alive while maybe doing something else to help tide you over? Meaning, I often think sometimes when you hit a closed door, at least for me, it means I need to open a different door.

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It might mean instead of acting in the way I intended, maybe I have to do a shift And it's a different angle of that business. I don't know if you understand. No, I do.

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Today we're going to be talking about your brand new book, which thank you for sending me a copy. I absolutely loved it and it has so much in common with my own book, Passion Struck, so I can't wait to dive into this. But I want to start with your backstory. Looking back to the start of your career, It really impressed me that you decided to pursue such a rigorous and ambitious academic path.

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It reminds me of the police song wrapped around your finger.

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Well, there you go. Tells you how old we are. So last year, one of my favorite interviews that I did the entire year was with Dr. Bob Waldinger. And Bob has been leading... the Harvard study of adult aging now for the past two decades as its director, and it's something that you highlight in your book. But I'm going to ask you about it in a little bit different way.

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You bring up history in the book, and you're talking about skirmishes and bad behavior from King John, King Philip II of France sets out to reconquer Normandy, etc. and there's this William Marshall character who plays a huge pivotal role. What can we learn from William Marshall about the good life?

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You've got a couple of master's degrees from Harvard, two bachelor's degrees from Texas A&M. What led you to do that?

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Well, I love that story. And further on in that chapter, you liken him to a modern day version, which was Ruth Bader Ginsburg. And so I was a portion of the book I really love. So I'd encourage people to read it just for that chapter, if none alone. But another thing you went into that I really loved is this whole idea of understanding the difference between being a victim and being victimized.

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Meaning, going back to this power of choice. We all have a choice of what we allow to happen to us as opposed to making our life happen for us, is a good way to say it. And this is something you really go into, whether it's someone's experiencing brutality, adverse childhood events, racism, or systematic violence, everyone has a choice.

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And I think the best illustration of this was by Viktor Frankl. Can you maybe take this and run with it using him as an example?

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I love stoicism. And boy, has your fellow Austinite, although he lives a little bit outside of Austin, benefited off of that. I'm going to talk about one last topic. Last year, I had the privilege of interviewing Scott Galloway. It was one of those interviews that I was surprised he said yes, because he doesn't say it very often. But I really loved his book, Adrift.

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And he just released another great one. But It was really compelling to talk to him. But you did something in your book that I also did in mine. I push back on Mark Manson. You push back on Scott Galloway a little bit because you have a model around Akagi. Scott doesn't really believe in passion. And I agree with you. I think this is one area that he doesn't have it right. No doubt.

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I love Scott Galloway.

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I allude to this in Passion Struck because I see this shift on the horizon. I think the world is cyclical, and even you touch on this in the book. What the world needs changes. There isn't nearly the demand for blacksmiths that there once was, although you still know a few. I think we're going from this period where

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We have shifted from a time where you had tons of people who were entrepreneurs to now the past 30, 40 years where entrepreneurship has taken a backseat and people have taken safety over that bet. I think personally, we're going back to a phase where more people are going to be like blacksmiths, but very differently.

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I think they're going to be solo entrepreneurs, but now in the digital world versus the blacksmiths world. What do you think of that?

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I have the same thing. I have a son and a daughter, and my daughter has always been very conscientious about wanting to get A's and really being studious, etc. My son is much more the empathetic type of leader.

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George, I love the book. Highly recommend this for all the viewers and listeners of the show. Where's the best place people can go to learn more about you, the fair, everything else that's going on?

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Well, George, I've been looking forward to this and wish we had more time because I really enjoyed it. And thank you so much for joining us on the show.

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What an inspiring conversation with George Appling. His insights on choosing a career path with intention, understanding your unique relationship with work and finding joy in your professional life are invaluable. One of the biggest takeaways from today's episode is that fulfillment and success come from making deliberate choices.

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Whether that means aligning your work with your passion or designing a career that supports what you love outside of work, Georgia's MetaPaths framework is such a powerful tool for anyone at a crossroads, and it reminds us that we don't have to settle for a default path. We can create a life and career that truly resonate with who we are.

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As we wrap up, think about the areas in your own life where you may be on autopilot or simply going through the motions. How can you start making intentional choices that bring you closer to the life that you envision? Remember, the power lies in choosing your path rather than letting it choose you. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

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Please take a moment to leave us a five-star rating and review and share how you're applying these insights. And if you know someone who could benefit from George's message, please share this episode with them. Your support helps us grow this community and empowers others on their journey to intentional living.

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For links to everything we discussed today, including George's new book, Don't Settle, and the tools he shared, check out the show notes at passionstruck.com. You can also support the show by visiting our sponsors at passionstruck.com. where you'll find discount codes and special offers from our partners.

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And remember, each of these resources helps fuel the show and bring you inspiring content every week. Beyond the podcast, I'm passionate about bringing these insights and strategies to organizations, conferences, and teams through speaking engagements.

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If today's episode sparks something in you and you think these messages could inspire your organization, I'd love to explore how we can work together. Whether it's a keynote, workshop, or team session, my goal is to help teams tap into their potential and start making intentional, impactful choices. You can learn more at johnrmiles.com slash speaking.

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And I think he's got a ton of ingredients that would make him a great person in the C-suite because he's the type who gets along with everyone and seems to know the right things to say at the right time. But kids are so funny because they are so darn different from each other. And I guess I look at my brother and sister and see the same thing.

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And if you haven't already, subscribe to our Live Intentionally newsletter for exclusive content, insights, and our weekly courage challenge, which helps you put these lessons into action. Before we go... Here's a preview of what's coming up next on PassionStruck. Joining us is Madison Mars, as she reflects on her transformative year as Miss America.

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Madison shares the highest challenges and lessons learned during her reign and how she's using her platform to leave a lasting legacy. We'll dive into her mission to inspire others, her passion to put an end to pancreatic cancer, how she hopes to foster connection and make a meaningful impact.

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It's an episode filled with reflection, empowerment, and actionable insights on how to lead with purpose and grace. You won't want to miss it.

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Thank you, as always, for spending your time with us here on Passion Struck. Remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who could benefit. And as always, do your best to apply what you learn here so you can live what you listen. Until next time, live life Passion Struck.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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I am sure. Well, given this education that you had, one of the things I always like to ask is, was there a teacher or a professor along the way that you remember who changed your life for the better?

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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I love it because you got the technical aspects, but you also got that well-rounded philosophical background as well, which I think It's such a strong combination. Very similar to, ironically, what I studied at the Naval Academy because we all come out of there with an engineering degree, but I also studied political science.

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George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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And it was interesting because one of my favorite instructors, she had clerked for the Supreme Court. And through her, I got to really understand the legal system and how things work, which was a hard thing to grasp when you're in your 20s. without having a guidepost like that. That makes perfect sense.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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Well, I want to talk to you about Booz Allen for a second, because I came out of the military and I couldn't have thought, because I was a junior officer at the time, a better landing place that I could have gone to than Booz. And I love so much of their methodology, their no unturned approach.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome to episode 545 of the passion struck podcast.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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And on the federal side, they had these different teaming mechanisms where you would have one team working on a proposal, another team working alongside them, but really to challenge that team to make sure that they were doing their best. And so much of the discipline and other things that I saw there benefited me throughout the rest of my career. What were some of your biggest takeaways from Booz?

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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I think that's great. And I'm sorry at this point to see that Booz & Co. isn't a standalone entity anymore because I... Similar to when I went to Arthur Anderson, I always thought Arthur Anderson was top notch.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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And it was really one component of the way that they govern that really did the firm in, meaning that the engagement partner could override the governance partner, which none of the other big four allowed that. And as a result, it can cause greed and other things to permeate. And

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George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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It's just such a shame because method one and so many of the methodologies that I learned there that they still use today at Accenture were just so far and away above what some of the other firms had.

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George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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I was, you don't know this about me, but I was there at the epicenter. So I was in the Houston office. Ironically, I had never worked on Enron because They actually needed people to work on other energy clients other than Enron so we could be a little bit more diverse.

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George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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But I remember I was senior manager at the time and an FBI agent, one of our internal cybersecurity people show up at my door and they said, we need your computer. You'll get it back in about 48 hours. I said, I've never worked on Enron. I have no data about Enron. Well, needless to say, I never saw that computer again.

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George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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And about three weeks later, I had charted a new course because things came crashing down very quickly.

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George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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Well, that business was quite something at its time.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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Well, you and I then took a similar path in different ways, but we both went into industry. You spent time at Siemens and Brightstar and other places, eventually becoming a CEO. When did you start feeling the need to move away from this traditional corporate path, and what factors for you influenced that feeling?

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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I'm your host, John Miles, and I want to start by sending a huge thank you to each of you who show up week after week committed to your growth purpose and living a life filled with intention. You are the heart of this community, and it's your dedication that makes the PassionStruck movement so impactful. If you're new here, welcome.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

George Appling on How to Make Intentional Career Choices | EP 545

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That phone was awesome. What are you talking about?

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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But I think what you're talking about here with this value system is incredibly important because it really gets into things that about self and how we can reshape them. And I was hoping you could give your perspective on that.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Emily is a pioneering neuroscientist at the University of Pennsylvania. She's also the Vice Dean of the Annenberg School of Communication, Director of the Communication Neuroscience Lab, and leads the Climate Communication Division at the Annenberg Public Policy Center. Her work sits at the intersection of psychology, communication, and the science of change.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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I wanted to actually ask you a follow-up question on social relevance because it just kind of hopped in my head as you were talking and. Before we came on, I was telling you about Professor Gordon Flett, who wrote the book, The Science of Mattering. And he wrote a article for the New York Times this past year on the topic of anti-mattering, which is really the experience of not mattering.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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But what my question is, is this concept of anti-mattering simply a misfire in the brain's social relevance system? Or does it reflect something deeper and more systemic from a societal standpoint?

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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It's both. It starts with self and then becomes a reciprocal loop.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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In this fascinating conversation, we dive into the hidden processes that shape our decisions, how self-relevance and social connection influence everything we share, and what it really takes to inspire change from individual habits to global movements. Emily's insights are essential for anyone who wants to understand, influence,

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Thank you for sharing that. And today I am talking to Emily Falk and we're talking about her brand new book, What We Value, which I'm holding up here again. And I'm going to jump back into this. In chapter one, one of the most vivid stories I thought in your book was about Jenny Radcliffe, this people hacker.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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And something you don't know about me, Emily, is when I came out of the Naval Academy, I worked for the NSA while I was in the service. And then when I got in the private sector, I worked for Accenture and I ran the cybersecurity practice for one of their major areas. So I'm very familiar. I was also the chief information security officer of a couple of Fortune 500s.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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improve communication, and create messages that move people, not just in theory, but in the real world. We also explore how small acts of sharing are foundational to human connection, how algorithms and culture shape our values and attention, what neuroscience teaches us about motivation, empathy, and identity, and how to align what we value with the change we want to create.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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But what Jenny did is she bypassed the bank's fingerprint scanner just by triggering a guard's discomfort. And I wanted to ask, what does the story reveal about how quickly and unconsciously our brain value system can be hijacked in the moment?

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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But before we dive in, let's reflect on my episode earlier this week. On Tuesday, I was joined with Humble the Poet to unpack one of the most widespread and misunderstood emotional experiences of our time, anxiety. It's an unfiltered look at identity, self-worth, and finding calm in a chaotic world.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Well, there you go.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Oh, it also made me think of how does our perception of others values, especially in not only the environment you talked about on the web, but in social media environments, distort the choices that we make about who we are and how we show up.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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So, Emily, this has been a great year for books from your field. And I've had Adam Galinsky on the show. I've had Shige Oishi. But another one of your peers I had on the show was Alison Wood Brooks, who came out with a great book called Talk. And she teaches communication skills at Harvard. In our conversation,

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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We were discussing this idea of active listening and how active listening is really a social mirror of us reflecting ourselves and the person we're talking to. And I wanted to explore this because in chapter three, you write, our brains care a lot about what other people think about us. And that even subtle social cues like peer approval can deeply shape how we calculate value.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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And if you're new here, don't forget to check out our curated episode starter packs at spy or passionstruck.com slash starter packs. They're a great way to explore themes like neuroscience, purpose, emotional mastery, and more. Want to go even deeper? Subscribe to the Passion Struck YouTube channel to watch today's episode and sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Why is that social feedback loop so sticky? And how can we tell when it's guiding us versus the other side when it's hijacking us?

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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I don't ask the simple questions here on PassionStruck. We go after the big ones.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Now, let's dive into the fascinating conversation with Dr. Emily Falk. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely honored and thrilled today to have Dr. Emily Falk on PassionStruck. Welcome, Emily.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Thank you.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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for those of you who are watching, I'm putting up Emily's brand new book, which is a next big idea club must read for April. It's called what we value the neuroscience of choice and change. And this is your first book. How does it feel for this to be coming out into the world?

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Thank you. Thank you.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Yeah. I'm not sure if this book is like my books, but people say, I can't believe how quickly you turned out a book. And when I wrote passion struck, I'm like, that was a seven year journey to the time that thing came out. And then when I'm working on now, I've really been studying the subject matter of mattering now for over a decade. So. I just feel I've achieved enough expertise in it.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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That reminds me of the work of a neuroscientist you might know, David Yadin, because he got his PhD at Penn, but that's what he's doing at Johns Hopkins now as well. He's in their lab where they're looking at psilocybin and other types of drugs, primarily to how do they help with transcendent types of drugs.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Experiences and what do those experiences trigger inside of us and how do we get to them without the use of drugs in everyday life? So to me, it's really fascinating, the work that they're doing and it's like to our spiritual self. So your book is divided into three sections and we've been talking about the first two so far.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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And I want to ask you a couple of questions from part three, which is on connection. And in chapter seven, you write that when people are more in sync, physically, emotionally, even neurologically, they tend to understand each other better. What are the simplest, most powerful things we can do to create that sense of brain to brain synchrony in daily life?

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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And I don't consider myself an expert, but I've achieved a certain level that I now feel like I can proclaim it to the world, so to speak. But it took time to get there.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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So I wanted to hit on two things there. First is something Emily just said is really important. We, as people underestimate the power of tiny acts that we could do every single day to build connection. And if we could be more intentional about using them, it could so strengthen so many of the relationships that we want to strengthen. I think that's at the core of what you were just talking about.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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let's talk about what we value. And you open up with a story about your grandmother, whose name is Bev, asking you how you spend your time, basically. And this hits home for me because my parents are now eight in their mid eighties. My mom is just turned 80 and every time they come to visit, that's the fundamental thing that she's always saying is we're here.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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And then I just wanted to pay tribute to Emil Gruneau because I wish now more than ever he was still around because his work on dehumanization and seeing the other side differently is needed so much in the world. I just interviewed Kurt Gray as well, and I really think both of their work that they were doing on morality, et cetera, is so needed right now.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Well, I did a whole episode, a solo episode on it, and I ran it by Jamil before I put it out just to make sure I was getting it right. But I'll send it to you, and if you can get it to them, that would be fantastic because I really wanted to honor his work. Well, Emily, you write that the choices we make together create the world we live in.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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In this polarized time that you were just mentioning, what kind of choices would create a world where people feel seen and valued?

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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You need to be focused and give us your presence. And she's right. But there's so many things today that are pulling us away from moments like that. How did that moment for you shape your exploration of our daily decisions and honestly, what truly matters?

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Absolutely. And thank you for answering it in such depth. So Emily, I have one final question for you. If you could whisper one insight about what we value and choice into everyone's mind, what would it be?

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Fantastic. Well, Emily, it was such an honor to have you today and thank you for all the work that you've been doing to bring this science into people's hands and help people live lives that are better and choices that are going to take them in life to where they want to go. It's such an honor to have you on the show.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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To me, it doesn't feel like work. It just feels like I get to constantly learn and practice neuroplasticity every single day. Thank you so much.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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And that's a wrap. What an incredible conversation with Dr. Emily Falk. Her research sheds light on something we all feel but rarely examine, why we care about what we care about. From how we build connections to how we decide what's worth our time, energy, and voice, Emily's work is a masterclass in understanding human behavior through the lens of value.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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As we reflect on today's episode, here are a few questions to take with you. What do you share most often, and what does it say about what you value? How might you use the science of self-relevance to drive change in your own life? What ideas or causes are you ready to amplify, not just because they matter, but because they reflect who you are?

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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If you found this episode meaningful, please take a moment to share a five-star rating and review. It helps us grow the show and bring these insights to more people around the world. You'll find all the resources we discussed today, including Emily's phenomenal book, What We Value, in the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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And if you want to watch the full conversation, head over to johnrmiles.com YouTube channel and hit the subscribe button. Coming up next on Passion Struck, Dr. Gordon Flett joins me to explore the science of mattering. Why feeling like you matter is essential as belonging and how it shapes our mental health. motivation, and resilience.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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If you've ever felt invisible or questioned your worth, this is the episode you don't want to miss.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Thanks for being part of the PassionStruck movement. Your pursuit of growth, meaning, and impact is what makes the community so powerful. And remember, the fee for the show is simple. If something resonated with you, share it with someone who needs it. Until next time, live life PassionStruck.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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I'm a huge fan of Katie Milkman's work and her book, How You Change, I think is one of the best out there on the topic of how to use behavior science principles to help you change. But if I were talking to her right now, I would say you and Emily are like the perfect tag team to come in and cover this from a neuroscience perspective, a behavioral science perspective, a connection perspective.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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It's really incredible how much the two books complement each other. And one thing your book really gets into is the concept of the brain's value calculation. What surprised you the most through your research about how the brain weighs our choices, especially when those choices go up against what we know is good for us?

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam, welcome to episode 596.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Whether you've been with us for a while or you're joining us for the first time, thank you so much for being here. You're now part of a global community of changemakers committed to living with purpose, leading with intention, and igniting a life that truly matters. Let me ask you this. Why do we share the things we do?

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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Yeah. So I'm just going to comment on your cake comment because When I was around seven years old, I used to love space and wanted to be an astronaut. And my mom made me this homemade rocket cake that was in the shape of a rocket. And to this day, I can't ever get it out of my head.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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But shortly after that year, my parents both went to the University of Michigan and we started going to the Michigan alumni camp. So every week we would go.

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Yes. Yeah. Up at Walloon Lake. And we would always go during my birthday week. And so the cakes up there weren't very good. So I always remember the rocket cake because nothing else as a child ever lived up to it.

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Dr. Emily Falk on How to Rewire Your Brain for Better Choices | EP 596

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One thing I wanted to ask you about, you were just talking about how the value system integrates Our current attention, our past experiences, future dreams. And one of the things I get asked about a lot is how do you go from where you are to where you want to be?

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Why do some ideas spread like wildfire while others fall flat, no matter how important they are? And what if the key to lasting behavioral change isn't more willpower, but understanding how the brain assigns value? That's exactly what today's guest, Dr. Emily Falk, explores in her groundbreaking new book, What We Value, The Neuroscience of Choice and Change.

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And I, I always try to use self discrepancy theory to talk about this because there's your current self, the self you think you should be in the self that you could be. And I remember having a discussion with Hal Hirschfeld. I love him and his work. And we were talking about. the future self and how do you become that ideal self you've always wanted to be.

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Esther Dyson on the Impact of Technology on Humanity | EP 557

Coming up next on PassionStruck.

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Esther Dyson on the Impact of Technology on Humanity | EP 557

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If you're tuning in for the first time, welcome. You've just joined a global community of game changers who are igniting their purpose and pursuing lives of boldness, meaning, and impact. We are so thrilled to have you on this journey.

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Esther Dyson on the Impact of Technology on Humanity | EP 557

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Well, if I have a listener who is hearing this and they don't know much about you, I'm just going to give a little bit of detail. So not only have you been an angel investor, but you have been an extremely successful one. have invested in, you mentioned Luxsoft, but there's also 23andMe, Meetup, Banff Help, Yandex, Evernote, Facebook, Square, and I can go on and on.

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In case you missed my episode earlier in the week on Tuesday, it featured Max Lugavere, New York Times bestselling author, health journalist, and host of the Genius Life podcast. Max shared his deeply personal journey that began with his mother's battle with neurodegenerative disease and how it sparked his mission to revolutionize brain and body health.

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Esther Dyson on the Impact of Technology on Humanity | EP 557

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It is, but what I have learned from it myself is you can't just invest in a couple and think you're going to make it. You really have to invest in a portfolio and hope that a couple of them become shooting stars. For me, I was lucky enough to invest in ID.me and a couple others myself that became unicorns, but I've had 10 times as many that were complete flops.

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Esther Dyson on the Impact of Technology on Humanity | EP 557

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That's absolutely true.

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Esther Dyson on the Impact of Technology on Humanity | EP 557

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Yes, timing and when you get in. And for me, the belief that I have in the leadership, I always look at leaders who I don't feel hold a ton of ego. You want a leader who is going to be able to control all the different aspects because being an entrepreneur is not easy. But I am looking for someone who can convey messages, who can

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Esther Dyson on the Impact of Technology on Humanity | EP 557

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who's going to be able to go out and talk to investors, but is also going to be empathetic to their employees, but has a huge drive, but isn't selfish about their nature for the problem that they're solving. I don't know if that resonates with you at all.

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If you're looking to reclaim your health and vitality, it's an episode you don't want to miss. And if you're looking to explore more themes like mental and emotional wellness, spiritual healing, lifestyle, nutrition, and personal growth, don't forget to check out our episode starter packs, curated playlists designed to guide you through the best of our 550 plus episodes.

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Esther Dyson on the Impact of Technology on Humanity | EP 557

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Yeah. And I'm going to just respond to that with this past year, I released a book and the first chapter of the book was a profile of Jim McKelvey. And the reason I'm bringing him up is the whole component of this book is him talking about startups and working with tons of entrepreneurs. And he was telling me that one of the biggest things that happens is

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Esther Dyson on the Impact of Technology on Humanity | EP 557

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people come up with a problem, they fall in love with it. But he said, then what ends up happening is things get really tough and they start venturing farther and farther away from the problem that it doesn't become the problem anymore. they lose sight of what they were doing to begin with.

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And he gave all the citations for the things that happened with Square and how there were so many times that they had issues with the design of the reader. But more than that, they had legislative pushback and banks who didn't want them to enter the market and so many things.

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They're available on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs. For even more inspiration, sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com. It's filled with exclusive content to help you apply the wisdom from our episodes into your everyday life.

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He said, I had to solve 5,000 issues to bring this thing to fruition, but I never lost sight of being in love with the problem and making that the core thing that we were trying to solve I love that you reiterated that exactly and there's a lot of problems out there we're really not in short supply No, you're absolutely right.

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Esther, I want to take this interview down a couple of different tracks. The first one I want to go into is I feel that we have an existential crisis of meaning in the world of feeling, I call it the disease of disconnection and people are disconnected from each other. They're disconnected from how they make others feel, but they're also growing disconnected from themselves.

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And I want to approach this so the listeners understand where I'm coming from with this. You played a very pivotal role with ICON. And if people aren't familiar with ICON, I'm going to tell a little bit of story about myself. When I came out of the Naval Academy in the early to mid 90s, I worked for the National Security Agency.

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And back then, we had this classified system, which was a precursor to the Internet that we couldn't tell anyone about. But it was this huge, powerful thing. And ICON's mission, as I understand it, was to really try to ensure a stable, secure and unified global Internet that was owned by people, not by governments. Is that a good way to think about it?

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So my whole point of this is I think that anytime we unleash something like this capability into the world, it brings about so many tremendous things. I mean, I just think about How much life would be different if we didn't have the Internet, if we couldn't search the way we do? We would have never had AI. We would never have had software as a service. So many things like that.

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And don't forget, every conversation we have here is also available in video on our YouTube channel, where you can watch, share, and grow with others who are passionate about creating change. In today's episode of Passion Struck, we dive deep into the mind of Esther Dyson, a true visionary at the crossroads of technology, health, and humanity.

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But there are also unintended consequences from its use. I have to believe that the founders of Facebook very well never went into that thinking that it would have the ripple effect that it has from a negative standpoint of causing or being a layer of what's caused this connection. So I was hoping maybe is that as an introduction or maybe you can give your thoughts on this.

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Esther Dyson on the Impact of Technology on Humanity | EP 557

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Esther is best known as a transformative investor and entrepreneur with an extraordinary track record that includes early investments in groundbreaking companies like Square, Facebook, and Evernote, businesses that have redefined how we connect, transact, and create in the digital age. But her impact doesn't just stop at technology.

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I want to really go into this. Part of the reason I started this whole podcast is I got this calling years ago. At the time, I was working directly for Michael Dell. And I get this message saying, you're supposed to help the beaten, broken, lonely, battered, helpless, et cetera, of the world. And I am like, what? I am supposed to do what? And who are those people?

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And how am I supposed to help them? and it took me i have to tell you a long time to understand who these people were and there are billions of them and to me it's there's a there's this existential crisis of i was saying meaning in the world people are losing their sense of association with all the things that matter to us the family unit relationships connection with themselves

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And it's having a cascading effect on so many people. So that's really what I want to explore.

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I can be, yes.

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Esther is also the founder of Wellville, a bold 10-year initiative proving the value of investing in human well-being, equity, and long-term systemic change. In this conversation, we explore not just her achievements, but the deeper philosophies and actionable insights that drive her work. We tackle critical questions like, how has technology disrupted our connection to ourselves and others?

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And what can we do to repair it? How can individuals be catalysts for meaningful change, even in deeply entrenched systems? And what can we learn from Esther's unparalleled experience as an angel investor, advising some of the most innovative minds of our time?

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I have to say, when I interviewed him, he was, as everyone always said, he was such a joyful person, seemed like he was on top of the world. And I think we have this tendency to often wear masks, hiding who we truly are and not being vulnerable about the pain that we're going through. So I am not sure if you've ever read Malcolm Gladwell's books at all. Long ago, yes.

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I've been reading Revenge of the Tipping Point, which is him revisiting Tipping Point 25 years after it was originally created. But he doesn't really... He touches on the old book, but he's really going into the concept of social engineering, and he really explores two of the biggest epidemics of our day, COVID and the opioid crisis.

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But in some ways, what we're talking about here with this disconnection people are facing is another form of social engineering. Wouldn't you agree?

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Whether you're passionate about reshaping social systems, curious about the future of health and equity, or eager to lead with greater intentionality, this episode will leave you inspired to take action. Esther's Journey is a masterclass in harnessing vision, grit, and courage to drive innovation and create a better world.

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It is really interesting. My kids are now older. They're 20 and 26. But when I was younger, one of my favorite things to do was to go to the park. And when my son was growing up in Atlanta, there was this amazing wooden, those big, huge playgrounds that, and I just remember chasing him all around and it was so much, it was so much fun. And

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Now, as I go around playgrounds, it's as if the kids are playing and the parents are all sitting on benches looking at their phones and not even interacting with the children. And we learn by example. So we've got these kids growing up observing their parents doing that. I mean, and all you have to do is go to any restaurant.

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You live in New York and you that at least half of the patrons, if not more, might even be sitting across from another person. And they're sitting there looking at your phone instead of talking to the other person.

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Get ready for an extraordinary conversation that will challenge you to think bigger and bolder. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I have such a profound honor today of having Esther Dyson on Passion Struck. Welcome, Esther.

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It really was crazy. I mean, you barely ever see kids in my neighborhood. I don't even see kids playing outside anymore. And I remember growing up, the second we got home from school, after we did our schoolwork, it was come back at when it gets dark for dinner. And after that, we would just, we would go and explore and make forts and play football and baseball and just whatever.

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We do whatever we did. And there's so much learning and community that you build from that. It's why I can see a friend that I've known since second grade and not see him for 20 years. And then when I do see him, it's as if we're right back there 20 years ago and no time has passed.

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Well, I'm thinking high school. So 30, 35 years from high school. Whatever.

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So when you think about what's happening in society with this, and it does seem like a disillusion, well, a destruction nature of the family unit, where do you think change has to happen to reverse what's occurring?

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So you're writing this new book. For those who aren't familiar with you, you wrote a great book called Release 2.0, which discussed at the time how the Internet gives individuals immense power while also demanding greater responsibility to just build upon what you just said. If you were to write Release 3.0 today,

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I love to start these episodes out by going into areas that people might not know about my guests. And as I was growing up, my sister was just full of life and full of wanting to make change in the world. And she found passion. this musical that she got very involved in called Peace Child.

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What new guiding principles would you include for living in this increasingly interconnected AI driven age that we find ourselves in?

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And it was an intersection of kids from the United States at that time and kids from the former Soviet Union who came together to perform this. And they did performances in the United States and then they did performances in Russia as well as Eastern Germany. And this became a huge passion for her.

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Yeah, going back to Michael Dell just for a second. So here you have someone that people probably refer, Michael Dell, he's worth $27 billion. I never thought of Michael like that because I got to know him on a very personal level. My favorite times with him...

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where he sat in this area at Dell that we called the God Pod, or I guess the employees called it because it had him head of HR, head of legal, CFO, et cetera. But I'd go in there because they had free coffee. And typically, if Michael was in town, he'd be in there. And I'd walk into him and half the time just wearing a T-shirt and didn't even have a shirt on yet.

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And we would have just these vulnerable conversations 99% of the time had nothing to do with Dell, just about life and things that were going on. And what I really appreciated about him was I got to travel with them to do a number of talks. And oftentimes he would bring his kids with them and. What I really liked was just how much focus he would put on the kids and being with them.

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And he wouldn't take business things because he wanted to spend the quality time with them, but was also trying to introduce them to other circles to expand their knowledge and I really valued that in Michael, that even though he had this huge persona, he was just a real person, quiet at times, very inquisitive, very smart, but wanting to connect in any way that he could, as an example.

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Yeah, I mean, I'll just spend 30 more seconds on this. I remember one of the things that we were preparing for is he and I were giving a joint talk at Oracle World. We were doing one of the keynotes and his daughter was with us and he had her sit out in the audience and asked her, like, how do you think John and I should approach this?

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Like, how from someone your age would you want to hear us discuss it? It was nice that he tried to involve them like that.

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So one of the things, Esther, I wanted to ask you is since the time your book came out, there have been huge changes in the digital landscape like we've talked about. What do you see as the next major societal transformations that are going to be driven by technology and how can we start preparing for them?

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She ended up getting her undergraduate degree, one of them in Russian studies, ended up living in Russia, et cetera. And I understand you also have a backstory of speaking Russian. I'd love to start out hearing what drove you to learn the language.

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Thank you for sharing that. And I wanted to ask you just a few questions on the topic of being a systems catalyst. As the founder of Wellville, You've taken on the challenge of catalyzing systems change in health equity, if I understand what the nonprofit is doing.

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What lessons have you learned along this journey, which is many years now in the making, about what it takes to spark meaningful transformation when it's in entrenched systems?

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Well, it's unfortunately a tough question. She passed away earlier this year from pancreatic cancer, but she really spent some of her formative years working to reshape democracy and actually bring democracy to Russia and worked in various roles, but always loved the culture and the people and never saw them as the enemy. I think she saw the institution of

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Well, I just want to just mention that I love that you brought up that book, The Gardener and the Carpenter. I have never even heard of it. I am definitely going to read it. But I want to tell you something on a similar note. When I wrote my book, It's based on 12 principles to create a passion struck life. But the last one that I wrote was on this concept that we need a new type of leader.

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I was raised under construct that you need to be a servant leader and there's nothing Wrong with that. I just didn't think it applies to where the workforce is going. And so in the book, I lay out that I think what we need are gardener leaders.

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And so I'm going to have to read this book and see how it connects, because as I've I devote a lot of my time to behavior science and as I am looking at this, what I'm really calling for is that you need to be a leader in That's eyes on, but hands off. And I think we have too many micromanagers, too many of this, too many of that.

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the Soviet Union as being enemy, but not the people. She always thought the people were so genuine.

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You need someone who nurtures, but allows their employees to experiment and be creative and do the things that make people magical and give them autonomy to make mistakes. But be there as a cheerleader, guiding them on. and course correcting when you need to.

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And I just find, especially with so many remote workers and everything else, that the past types of leadership models that we had are the right ones going forward.

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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I remember someone in a job interview asked me one time, what's your style of how you work with employees? And I said, well, it's situational. And they go, what do you mean situational? I go, well, no five employees are the same. So the way I have to interact with each one is different. You've got to relate to them on their level. Some want you to connect with their whole family life.

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Carolyn Miles. Carolyn Miles.

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Others want you to be... more a parenting style. Others want you to be very precise and directive in what you're telling them to do. And if you try to use a one size fits all model, you're going to lose three quarters of your employees along the way. And so you've got to bring them with you on the journey in the way that it best fits their personality and learning and action style, so to speak.

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So Esther, the last question I have for you is a lot of what I talk about here is the importance of choices that we make in life and the power of intentionality. And I often say that you can make the choice between good or bad, altruism or selfishness, et cetera. Do you think intentionality is something that can be taught? And if so, how do you think we should be approaching it?

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Absolutely. Because when psychologists and behavior scientists talk about happiness, they're not talking about a fleeting emotion. They're talking about how pleasure, engagement, and meaning come together like gears in a well-oiled machine. And I recently did an episode on this where I talk about Richard Branson through this lens of how he's lived his life.

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Well, Esther, it's been such an honor to have you on the show, and I just feel an immense privilege for spending time with you. Thank you so much for joining us here today.

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Oh, that would be phenomenal. Thank you so much. And last question for you would be, if people want to learn more about you, your investments, your future book, et cetera, where's the best place for them to go?

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We didn't even get a chance to explore today you going down the path of becoming a cosmonaut, which I wish we had more time to do. But it's been such a pleasure having you. Thank you so much.

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What an enlightening and thought-provoking conversation with Esther Dyson. Today's episode took us deep into the intersection of technology, humanity, and systems change. Esther's insights into how technology has disrupted our connections with ourselves, with others, and with the systems we rely on challenges us to rethink not just how we innovate but why. Her work with Wellville

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and her profound understanding of long-term equity remind us that real transformation starts with intentionality and a willingness to tackle the entrenched systems that shape our world. As we close, I encourage you to reflect on some of the powerful questions Esther posed. Are you a catalyst for change in your own life and community?

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How do your daily actions contribute to or disrupt social contagions? What steps can you take to create a ripple effect of positive transformation in your corner of the world? If this episode resonated with you, please take a moment to leave us a five-star rating and review. Your feedback helps us continue bringing these life-changing conversations to the PassionStruck community.

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Esther Dyson on the Impact of Technology on Humanity | EP 557

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And if you know someone who could benefit from Esther's profound wisdom, share this episode with them, because one idea can spark the change we so desperately need. Before we close, I want to remind you that I'm passionate about sharing these insights with organizations and teams through speaking engagements. To learn more about this, go to johnrmiles.com slash speaking.

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Let's work together to create intentional change and ignite growth. You'll find links to everything we discussed today, including Esther's work with Wellville in her groundbreaking book, Release 2.0, in the show notes at passionstruck.com. Don't forget to check out the video version of this conversation on YouTube. and explore our sponsors and exclusive deals at passionstruck.com slash deals.

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Supporting our partners allows us to continue delivering impactful episodes like this one. Now here's a sneak peek at what's coming up next on Passion Struck. I'll be joined by Dr. Rick Hansen, a renowned psychologist, New York Times bestselling author, and one of the world's leading experts on resilience and well-being.

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Dr. Hansen's work bridges cutting-edge neuroscience with ancient wisdom to help us cultivate a brain and life wired for happiness and purpose.

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in this episode we explore insights from his groundbreaking book hardwiring happiness and his latest work on neurodharma we'll discuss practical ways to rewire our brains for greater resilience emotional balance and inner peace especially in the face of life's challenges plus we'll dive into the science of belonging and how fostering compassion can create a more connected meaningful life i think that autonomy is crucial autonomy is the foundation of intimacy

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Remember, the fee for this show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And as always, take what you've learned here and put it into action so that you can live what you listen. Until next time, live life passion-struck.

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It is so interesting. I've traveled to probably 50 countries over my life, and I have always found it so interesting how when you're in another country, how they view the United States, how the news reports on it, and the way the United States is viewed has changed rapidly over the past 25 years.

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I remember almost when I was in my 20s, almost being like a superhero because I was from the United States, and now it has a much different meaning on the world stage for sure.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck family.

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That is a very interesting point. Well, you mentioned being a journalist and you began your career as a journalist, a field that's often described as the first draft of history. What drew you to journalism and how has it shaped your ability to ask something that you talk about a lot, important questions and think critically?

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Well, I never thought I was going to be a journalist. Never in a million years thought it was going to be anything on my path in life. And along the way, I met a gentleman named Ed Kopko. And Ed had been the publisher of Chief Executive Magazine and had started something he called Bold Business. And he asked me to come on in a capacity where I would be the

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Welcome back to episode 557 of the passion struck podcast. I am so grateful for the incredible energy, enthusiasm and dedication you bring to this community each and every week. Your commitment to living a purpose driven and intentional life is what makes the passion struck movement so powerful. And together we're creating a ripple effect of positive change.

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associate publisher, as well as I had a business role. And before I knew it, our editor in chief resigned and he asked me to fill in. So I ended up doing that for about two and a half years where I played both the publisher and the editor in chief. And through that, had remarkable interviews. I started this segment called the Bold Leader Spotlight.

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And through it, I got to interview people like Satya Nadella, your friends, Jack Dorsey and Jim McKelvey, Stan McChrystal and a whole bunch of others. But it really opened this world to me that I didn't know existed. And it really showed me how powerful ideas and words and

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as you suggest the questions we ask really are and i don't think i'd be doing passion struck today had it not been for that i appreciate your background so the question then becomes moving from journalism to becoming one of the most well-known and successful angel investors isn't a natural connection, how did that transpire?

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Because there was a point in time where you couldn't mix investing with being a journalist.

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Tiffany Moon on How to Write Yourself a Prescription for Joy | EP 608

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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So one of my really close friends lives in Dallas, probably not too far from you. And he recently opened up the new Medal of Honor Museum that's right over by where the Cowboys Stadium is. But this person, Chris Cassidy, also happened to do a reality TV show, but his was filmed by Disney and it was called Amongst the Stars.

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And he was the first astronaut where they ever went behind the scenes to really look at the personal side of being an astronaut. So it started when he was planning on going on a mission. Something happened with one of the Russian rockets that they were using to launch them ended up burning up and it pushed everything away. So he thought he was not going to get the opportunity.

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So it takes him through that disappointment to getting the opportunity again to going up to be the commander of the space station. But it was really interesting to see a person I know for that many years on screen. And when I asked him about it, it was so interesting because he said nothing was really scripted. I just went with what was going on and the cameras were there.

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Is that similar to what happens with you all?

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They're embedded in our brains wiring and essential to our mental well-being. And then this Friday, I'll be releasing a solo episode on mental health habits that anchor you in uncertain times. In it, I'll explore practical science-backed tools to help you cultivate resilience, emotional clarity, and a life aligned with your values, especially when everything feels uncertain or overwhelming.

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It's interesting. I happen to be, I live down here in Tampa Bay and I happen to be out at the beach one day having lunch. And they were filming a show called Siesta Key. And they were about ready to film a scene at the restaurant I was at. And it was so interesting because all the actors were doing their own thing. And then all of a sudden, a couple Lamborghinis pull up.

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They go sit maybe 20 feet away from me and start doing this scene. And it was very clear there weren't any teleprompters, anything. And watching them, they get into this heated argument amongst them. And it was so interesting to see what was going on in a completely... I guess they got the idea of what the scene needed to be, but the whole argument, everything else was created by them on the fly.

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I'm currently writing my next book and I start the book out by talking about another doctor. And this doctor had gone through medical school and then the seven to eight years of residency afterwards, she was five years into her practice where she was working with children who were cancer patients.

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And she just came out of the meeting, unfortunately, where she had to tell the family that their child was not going to survive. And she describes the situation after that as she was driving home and She had become, as you write in the book, so frantically trying to save everyone else when the person she needed to save most was herself.

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And in that moment, she wanted to drive off a bridge and she just described it as this profound feeling inside that she had lost her sense of significance. Did you ever feel like that when, before you had your turning point?

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But first, today's guest is someone who knows the price of pushing too hard and the power of reclaiming your joy. I'm joined by Dr. Tiffany Moon, a double board certified anesthesiologist, entrepreneur, former cast member of The Real Housewives of Dallas and author of the book Joy Prescriptions.

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Thank you for sharing that. I know it's not easy to talk about. The person you're talking about is Christina Maslach, who basically coined the term burnout. I've had her as a guest on this podcast. So if a listener wants to go back, you can search for our episode that we did, but she does have a whole inventory like you talked about so that people can take themselves.

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And I know when I myself faced burnout, what you're describing is so similar to my experience. I remember for a long time feeling like something was off, but I couldn't put my finger on it. It was just like the world wasn't as bright as it had once been. My mind just wasn't as sharp. And then over time. It's like it happens so gradually in the background.

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Day to day, you don't really know what's happening. But over time, the world just keeps continuing to dim and dim until a point where I became emotionally numb. Like it was the worst feeling I had ever in my life experienced because I All of a sudden, I didn't feel like I mattered to myself. I didn't feel like I mattered to other people.

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Because I didn't feel like I didn't matter to myself, I wasn't showing up in the relationships like I used to. And is that a good way to describe at all what you felt yourself?

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Through her personal journey with burnout, perfectionism, and rediscovering meaning, Dr. Moon challenges the myths of toxic success culture and offers a new way forward.

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you wrote in chapter 11, all I wanted to do was fit in. And that's what you've talked a lot about your early years and Europe. And now that I'm older, all I want to do is just stand out. And People ask me, how did you go from feeling like you were so stuck to where you are today? You're an author, you've got a podcast, everything.

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And I'm like, well, the mistake everyone seems to make is that they think that there's just some switch that you can flip and you're going to return to you. And that's not at all what happens. It's been such a gradual process to lose yourself that it's going to be a series of micro gains that you have to start initiating choices that you're making to regain yourself.

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Does that analogy hold true for you?

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In this conversation, we explore the emotional cost of high achievement and people pleasing, what burnout feels like, and how to recognize it before it breaks you, why reclaiming joy is not frivolous but essential, and how self-worth and rest can become your most powerful forms of resistance. As always, I want to thank you for being part of the PassionStruck movement.

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Yeah, and I think that this quote here that you wrote is something that I think is important for the audience to hear. You've talked about this, but this quote really brought it out. You wrote, my entire self-worth was wrapped up in achievement. If I wasn't useful, how would I demonstrate my worth? And to me, that sums up what you were talking about. And we've discussed this at length.

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We've gone through some of the small signs That you knew it was happening. I knew it was happening, but I just have to ask a lot of times when I think of the healthcare profession, it doesn't really allow for joy or softness, especially I think in women. How do you navigate that double bind between being respected and trying to be real?

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Oh, it absolutely is. And one of the things that you write about is that you needed to add a laugh track to your life, but at first you didn't know how. And I think so many people feel that. In fact, one of the most popular articles I've ever written, and I just wrote this thing on a whim one weekend, but I wrote this article on the importance of adult play.

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Because as we get older, it seems like we play less and less. And when I think about being a kid, that's what brought me the most joy was going out and creating a fort with my friends or just walking around, pretending to be explorers out in the neighborhood and just discovering the world around us. So I know that this is probably difficult for a lot of people. It was difficult for me.

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It still is difficult for me. What's your advice to listeners or viewers on how do you take the first step? How did you find what that first step is to and choosing joy over the constant pursuit of perfection?

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Your support helped us reach two major milestones. First, Million Podcasts named us the number three life leadership podcast, and we were also the winner of the 2025 Gold Stevie Award for Best Independent Podcast at the American Business Awards.

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It's interesting. I interviewed Robin Sharma a while back, and one of the things he shared with me was you can either spend your life playing on your phone and watching videos and all those things, or you can choose to serve the world and change it, but you can't do both. And I think to your point, so many people observe others, especially as they're seeing them make life changes.

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And sometimes it's the people closest to you who are the most critical about you. And so in my own book, I wrote a chapter on this concept I call the mosquito auditor. And I gave three examples. One is a blood sucker, someone who's out there to take all your joy for their benefit. Another was the invisible suffocator, someone

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If you're just discovering the show, be sure to explore our episode starter packs, curated playlists to help you dive deeper into topics like purpose, emotional mastery, human-powered leadership, and more. You can find them at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or on Spotify.

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Who is constantly telling you no matter what you're trying to do, all the things that are wrong with your approach or the impact it's going to have. And then the pain in the asses. My point and they're funny names was just that as you're on this path to start trying to improve yourself, sometimes it's the mosquitoes in our life, the people who we think are the most benign that do the most damage.

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And we don't even know they're doing it because. Sometimes they've been there our whole lives and we let them slip in and they become this constant negative voice telling us we can't instead of we can. Did that hold true for you at all?

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So as I was doing research for this, Tiffany, there's a story that I'm going to tie into this about you going to fashion week and being asked, but who was watching your kids? That line hit me. What do you think that reveals about how we treat ambitious mothers and vicious parents, et cetera?

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Don't forget to subscribe to our growing YouTube channel where you'll find full episodes, highlight rules, and exclusive behind-the-scenes content. And for weekly tools and reflections, join The Ignition Room, our private community for high performers who want to live intentionally in real time. Links are in the show notes.

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Well, one thing that you have done really well is grow your social channels. Your TikTok has over a million followers, Instagram. When I looked at, I had over 800,000 followers and I was looking at some of your videos. One of them, I saw you were in scrubs. You had just come from 10 hour surgeries and all you wanted to do was hit the bed.

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But instead you said, I have this rule that I don't wear work clothes into the bed. So you laid down next to it. And it was a funny skit, but when you think about yourself. Doing that, it's a whole different ballgame than actually putting that video up there. How did you cross that gap that so many of us struggle with showing that fun, authentic part of ourselves to the world?

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I saw that Dr. Anthony Yoon did an endorsement for your book. He's a friend of mine, and I love his videos as well. And I think he shows that side like you do.

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Now, let's dive into a conversation that's honest, healing, and deeply human. Here's my interview with the remarkable Dr. Tiffany Moon. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely honored today to have Dr. Tiffany Moon join us on PassionStruck. Welcome, Tiffany.

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Well, Tiffany, I think your chapter 12 is a masterclass in vulnerability. And you write about doing stand-up comedy for the first time. And I remember when I did improv for the first time. And you say doing stand-up is kind of like having sex. The first time is scary and awkward. And I have to tell you, I laughed out loud when I read that.

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because it's so true i remember when i did improv they have you play these games before you ever go in the room to get in front of everyone and improvise and we did this exercise where we didn't know anyone and all of a sudden you they turned on the music and whoever you stopped in front of we didn't know what the exercise was going to be but i get put in front of this 24 25 year old woman and we now have to stare at each other for five minutes

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and afterwards guess what the other person was thinking. And it was awkward. It was terrible. It felt like 20 hours, not five minutes, but it was fun at the end of the day. But we rarely, as you said, put ourselves in these positions. What was the scariest thing for you about doing comedy for the first time?

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I've read stories about Jerry Seinfeld and others who, before they would ever get on stage, are going into a whole bunch of clubs with lots of material, just seeing what's going flat, what's working. And I got to watch a documentary on Steve Martin and how much he struggled before he hit it hard. He struggled for well over a decade, just hitting flat again and again.

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And it just makes me think what kind of courage he had to just keep trying to pursue his dream when it was like every week for so many years, he just hit roadblock after roadblock until he finally got to the next level. And I think it reminds me of this story. I mentioned Chris earlier.

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I have another friend who's an astronaut, and she told me that one of the things that she sees today in youngsters is that people want to live the dream, but they don't want to do what it takes to get the dream, so to speak.

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And I think there's a, I think what we've been talking about today is really important because it's one thing to chase the dream, but it's another thing to have fun while you're doing it. And I think that's in many ways, what gets people stuck is they lose the joy along the way of pursuing the very thing that they wanted. Do you think that's a reality?

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So I just had to open up with this question. You describe yourself as a loving tiger mom, a mix of high expectations and deep affection. How do you hold those two forces together in your parenting and how has that evolved from how you were raised?

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I remember when I was growing up and we were given a small allowance for doing chores around the house, which we actually had to do, cut the yard, take the garbage out. There were things that we had to do to earn it, but my parents were very conservative. So if there was anything beyond the minimum

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viable clothing, things you needed in your room that you wanted, you had to find a way to get it yourself. And so it caused me to get a paper out when I was in fifth grade because I wanted other things. And I, and it taught me perseverance. It taught me that I had to collect money from people who didn't always want to pay me for delivering their paper. But you learn

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You learn, as you were talking about what Angela Duckworth writes about in grit, you learn grit, you learn what it's like to have a passion and what it means to persevere and what it means to do the hard things. And those lessons carry on through the rest of your life.

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So I really think that is something that we need to continue to instill in our children because the older you get, life doesn't get any easier. Let's face it.

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I completely agree. I used it as the foundation for my own book and build on top of it because I believe in it so much. So let's get back to your book. You offer readers a prescription at the end, literally. Things like writing a comedy skit, dancing, even finding the fun in traffic. Why were those your final takeaways?

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So today we've talked a lot about different roles that each of us has had during our lives and you keep creating them for yourself. You also have a wine product, I understand. But you close with this beautiful insight. We have to question the roles and expectations others have imposed on us and say no to those roles if they're not working for us.

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What's your advice to a listener if they have a role that they need to let go of, but they don't know how?

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And I want to close with these two questions. I'll start with the first. You like to take leaps of faith. What's one leap of faith you've taken recently that reminded you of your own advice?

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And my last question would be, is if you could go back and whisper in the ear of that little girl hiding lip gloss in her teddy bear, what would you tell her now?

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Tiffany, where can listeners learn more about you? You're easily discoverable, but where would you point them to?

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Well, Dr. Tiffany Moon, it was such an honor to have you today. Thank you so much for joining us and sharing your incredible new book and story.

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And I think that is such an important element, especially today. I remember interviewing a woman named Jennifer Wallace, who wrote a great book called Never Enough, which was really about what happens when achievement culture takes hold like it is in so many kids, teenagers, college students throughout the country right now and really throughout the world.

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That's it for today's conversation with Dr. Tiffany Moon, an absolute force of brilliance, heart, and humor. One of my favorite takeaways from Tiffany's book, Joy Prescriptions, is this line. I was running around frantically trying to save everyone else when the person I needed to save the most was myself. That's such a scary truth that so many of us can relate to.

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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We chase success, perfection, usefulness, thinking that that's the path to fulfillment. But Tiffany reminds us that real joy doesn't come from doing more. It comes from being more fully you. We talked about why women still get shamed for liking beauty, why moms get judged for ambition, and why self-worth can't be earned by grinding. It has to be claimed with courage.

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Tiffany's Story is your permission slip to stop performing, start laughing, and embrace the paradoxes in your life. You can be both soft and strong, scientific and stylish, a mother and a dreamer, a healer and a stand-up comic. You don't have to fit into one role. You just have to be you. So I'll leave you with three reflection prompts.

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What parts of yourself have you been hiding to be taken seriously? Where have you traded joy for productivity? And what would it look like to write your own prescription for joy? If today's episode resonated with you, grab a copy of Joy Prescriptions. It's sharp, hilarious, and full of insight that will stay with you. You'll find the link and full show notes at passionstruck.com.

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And don't forget to check out the Passion Struck YouTube channel for full video episodes. If this conversation moved you, leave a five-star review and share it with a friend who's stuck in the grind. It might just be the exact message you need to hear. And coming up next, I am so excited to bring Dr. Zach Mercurio on the show. And we're going to discuss his brand new book,

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The Power of Mattering, and we do a deep dive on why mattering at work is the missing link to why so many employees feel disengaged.

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mattering is feeling significant to individuals in the group until then thank you for choosing to live life passion struck and remember it's not thinking about what you do that's going to make a difference it's the actions that you take so if you want to take more of those actions we can help you in the ignition room until then see you next time

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So I think that's such an important message that we're going to talk a lot more about today. So you are a trauma anesthesiologist who also dances to WAP on stage and proudly says she can be both. What finally made you decide to stop compartmentalizing your identity and let the world see all of you?

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Thank you for sharing that. And I think that is a funny story, honestly.

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It's unbelievable. My wife just had surgery. She had to get spine surgery. And I have to say that her anesthesiologist team was one of the better ones I've ever seen. Their bedside manner, how they interacted with her. But it is one of those things that you're the most worried about. And I just look back at her experience and like you did, they made it very clear what their roles were.

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So it's just so interesting how you brought that up. I've heard you say recently that I have everything that as a little girl or teenager I could have ever dreamed of having. And that's such a powerful reflection. When did you realize you were finally living the dream you'd always wanted? And it feel the way you would had expected it to be?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Welcome to episode 608 of Passion Struck.

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I'm so glad you introduced the book because that's where I'm going to next. So I was joking with you before you came on that oftentimes people see a book come out and they're like, I can't believe how quickly you wrote that only to realize inside it's something that has taken years, if not decades to create. And yours is really a book about your entire life. In your case, it's really three decades

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of coming to fruition, explaining your story. How does it feel now to have this out in the world?

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I can completely relate with your story. First, I wasn't an immigrant myself, but my grandparents were all immigrants. And so because of that, they really instilled in us the same thing that I think your parents instilled with you. Really that not only you had to work hard, but you had to show up stronger than anyone else around you because this isn't going to be easy for you.

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And so for me, it created this high achievement impact to my life where I felt the same way you did in my book. I write about it like I was wearing a mask of pretense for a lot of my life, showing one thing to the outside world, but feeling something completely different inside. And similar to you, you write, I used to think that joy was a destination, but I was too busy to enjoy the process.

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That's how I felt for so many years. I kept achieving and achieving only not to find that joy. Why do you think so many of us fall into that trap and what finally helped you to step off the treadmill that you described earlier?

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Whether this is your first time tuning in or you've been with us from the start, I am so grateful you're here. Together, we're building a global movement rooted in one powerful idea. You don't have to settle. You can live with intention, lead with purpose, and make what truly matters matter most.

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So what you were describing, I think, is the trap that so many of us fall into, myself included. And if I have it right, you graduated medical school when you were 23, right? Correct. Talk about being on the fast track.

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Tiffany, you're a respected physician, educator, mentor, now author, and yet you took what many might consider to be a very surprising leap by joining the Real Housewives of Dallas. What made you say yes to that opportunity and what were you afraid that it might have cost you?

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This month, we're in the middle of a transformative arc, one that centers on a truth we don't talk about enough. Mental health is not a side note. It's the root system of a meaningful life. On Tuesday, I spoke with Dr. Andrew Newberg, a pioneer in neurotheology. about how belief, meaning, and spiritual practices aren't just abstract ideas.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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They have greater access to medicines that can reduce the risk of death and disease. Through the marvels of modern technology and the vast amount of information that's available, they can readily learn about the rich cultures of countless societies past and present. And they have opportunities for both education and leisure that far surpass those of past generations.

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Yet so many struggle to find hope and meaning in their lives. And I don't think this is just a Western culture issue. My research and when I talk to more and more people, it, this is a worldwide issue that's probably impacting a quarter at least of the population, if not more. Can you go a little bit deeper into this?

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If you missed it, I highly recommend checking it out after this episode. And if you're new here, welcome to the Passion Struck Podcast. We are so glad to have you as part of this community. Passion Struck is all about unlocking human potential through intentional living.

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And do you think that the suffering is tied ultimately to how we feel about how we hold significance to ourself and then how that evolves with how others feel that we hold significance towards them? Is that the root of what the issue is?

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And we've got over 500 episodes covering leadership, mindset, mental health, physical health, relationships, and personal mastery. You can explore them all in our episode starter packs on either Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs. Want even more insights on living a high-impact life?

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Yeah, I'm going to just jump on this. I saw one of the people who gave you an endorsement for the book is a mutual friend of both of ours, Arthur Brooks. Arthur is the latest person who talks about that we get the equation wrong when we consider happiness and success doesn't bring happiness, it's the inverse.

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But what he's really referring to is work that was done by Shawn Achor and the Happiness Advantage, and also in the work that Laura King and Ed Diener and Sonia Libromisky did years ago on this subject.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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But where I want to dive into is it is interesting that if you look at Bob Waldinger's work, most recent director for the Harvard study on adult aging, and you also look at the work of Richard Ryan and self-determination theory, they both bring up what you're talking about. It's our relationships. that matters so much.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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And if you look at self-determination theory on top of that, it's our autonomy and also our mastery. And sometimes I think that mastery and our will to succeed, at what we think society wants us to succeed at gets in the way of those relationships, which is what you're describing.

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Each week, I share exclusive content, challenges, actionable tools, and behind-the-scenes lessons in my Live Intentionally newsletter. It's designed to help you apply what you learn on the show into your everyday life. Sign up at passionstruck.com and start making intentionality a habit. Now back to today's episode.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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We get so caught up in our extrinsic motivations that we're really losing that intrinsic fire that's driving us and giving us that meaning. Is that kind of a good way to think about what you're describing?

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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Okay. So here's where I want to go with this. I've heard you talk about Simon Conway Morris. For those on the podcast who aren't familiar with him, British paleontologist and evolutionary biologist best known for his work on convergent evolution and his studies on Cambrian explosion.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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And he describes, just as biological systems independently develop similar traits, these are like wings on birds, bats, butterflies, or eyes in different species, I contend that a theory that I often cite, social cycle theory, suggests that societies and civilizations often experience recurring patterns of behavior structures and dynamics over time. These cycles, convergent evolution,

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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And the social cycle theory might point to higher order principles or constraints guiding the development of human systems. What are your thoughts on that?

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In this conversation with Dr. Wilkinson, we explore why our existence isn't a random accident and how science may actually point toward meaning. We go into the dual nature of humanity, our capacity for both selfishness and altruism, and how understanding this helps us make better choices. Dr. Wilkinson explains why relationships are the key to happiness and how they anchor our sense of mattering.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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It's interesting to me too. And I mean, you can take this so many different ways. A sidebar, one of the reasons that I've heard people say that Russia invaded Ukraine at this time is because Putin realized that they, in the next few years coming up, are not going to have the mass of people to fight a war. And so if he was going to deal with these choke points, Now was the time he needed to act.

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We discuss how life is a test, an opportunity to choose between good and bad and what that means for living with intention. And then lastly, we go into practical strategies to align your daily actions with a deeper sense of purpose. If you've ever questioned why you're here or struggled to find meaning in your life, this episode will give you a new lens to look through.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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I don't want us to explore this in any way. It just shows you how big this gap is becoming in populations where families used to have three, four, five, six, seven kids in Russia. And now many are choosing not to have any or they're only having one child, for instance. But what you speak to really highlights that our

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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evolutionary significance of deep abiding relationships is really central to our sense of mattering and human purpose. And when those deep relationships go to the wayside, or we fundamentally are not having that human to human interaction in the way that I think evolution wanted us to have it, it's very difficult to do that on a phone.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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I believe, as you were talking about, that it's the family relationships and their deterioration that may be the most alarming aspect of this because growing up, As a family unit, we did everything together.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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And I remember, especially on weekends, it was all set around doing activities around the whole family, going to church together, watching sports together, going to visit other relatives together or doing things like looking at museums or pieces of art together. And I think this whole family unit structure is completely breaking down and

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The more that it goes away, I think so does our feeling of our connections with others. Do you think there's a direct link to that?

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Dr. Wilkinson blends cutting edge science with timeless philosophical questions to help us live with more intention and fulfillment. Let's dive into this fascinating conversation with Dr. Sam Wilkinson, Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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That's something I haven't really thought a lot about, but I'm definitely going to put some attention to that. I've never thought about the sanctity of marriage as being that link to bring the father to their biological children, but it does make sense. Something you brought up there was the dual potential of human nature and

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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You write that humans are endowed with competing impulses, selfishness and altruism, aggression and cooperation, lust and love, And I want to go into this question like this. I have been bringing on many more spiritual experts onto the show. And one of the things, especially when I talk to spiritual mediums, is they often refer to earth and our time here as earth school.

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I am absolutely thrilled today to welcome Dr. Sam Wilkinson to PassionStruck. Welcome, Sam.

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And they say that what we're really going through is this idea that life is a test and that we are going through a test and that we have direction over the events that make up that test. And I introduce it like that in the hopes that maybe you can take that concept and maybe expand upon it.

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Sam, I love to start these interviews out by going into a bit of my guest background before we explore the core topics so people get to know you before we really get into the nuts and bolts. And I understand for you that your religious background has played a really foundational role in your life, even including going on a mission for a couple of years.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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OK. And in the book, you write that shortly after Darwin's theory of evolution became public, the Scottish author Robert Louis Stevenson wrote a famous book, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. And everyone has heard of the story, but one of the central themes of the story is that every person has the potential for good and evil within themselves.

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And something I talk a lot about on the podcast here is, as I've talked to a lot of behavior scientists, they talk about the power of micro decisions. I call them micro choices. And we don't realize the impact that the compounding choices, something that people refer to as choice bracketing in that world, amount to.

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Meaning if you keep making a bunch of choices that are leading towards that choice to be Mr. Hyde, it results in a certain outcome. If you make more choices to become Dr. Jekyll, it results in an outcome. And I think people don't take a step back and look at that enough in their own life. Based on your research, can you explain the power of these choices?

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Can you talk about why that has become so pivotal for you and how it's influenced the work that you do today at Yale and your entire education?

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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Thank you for sharing that. And I wanted to ask a follow-up question to that. I'm not sure if you've ever read Joseph Campbell's The Power of Myth.

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One of the things that he points out in the book is that when you look at all religions, they all teach people through the power of metaphors. And so many of the metaphors are exactly the same in each religion. They're just told through different characters.

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But what he was talking about when he wrote it in the 1980s was that he felt that he predicted that more and more people were going to move away from organized religion. And he said that the primary reason for that is that over time, new religions had been born and they've been updated to The Times.

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And he said part of the reason people are moving away from it is because the way that the stories or the metaphors are being told don't relate to modern society. Do you think there's any validity to that?

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Maybe just take it with you after this interview. I've thought a lot about it because the religion you practice is a relatively newer religion compared to some of the religions that are out there. But he was just saying that the metaphors that we talk about, it's hard for people to understand it.

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And I was lucky when I was in my mid thirties, I was going to a Methodist church and our minister was both had a PhD in divinity, but he also had a PhD in history. And what he was able to do is he was able to take stories from the Old Testament and he was able to bridge the gap and to talk about how they relate to modern society.

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And it really helped me make the connections that I think so many people are missing. And it helped me understand how the points that were being made apply to me today, just as they did back then. That's my whole point.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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Where I'm going to go is a completely different direction. On this podcast, one of my favorite things to do, in addition to talking to experts like yourself, is I really like to bring on what I call our everyday heroes onto the show. And an example of this is in episode 550, if people want to tune into it, I highlight this gentleman, Dr. Abraham George.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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And Dr. Abraham spent much of his life in the United States acquiring wealth so that he could solve a systemic issue in India that he felt compelled to act upon. And so for the past 25 years, he started a school that has now helped 15,000 children break out of the lowest caste system that they were in India to provide them a better life.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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And in the book, one of the things I thought was really touching is you highlight this woman named Barbara Goodson, who in 2015 started giving free haircuts to the homeless. And you write at first, it was just a few cuts per month. Then she started giving haircuts to people coming out of prison. Next she include battered women.

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It soon turned into hundreds of haircuts and then eventually became a nonprofit that continues to grow. Where I want to go with this is I think they're everyday heroes walking all amongst us all the time, yet that's not who we typically are pointing our kids to for inspiration. What ends up happening is they tend to follow professional athletes or actors or a comic book hero that they see.

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So how do you think we start developing more of an evolutionary process where we're starting to reward more people like Barbara?

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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It really ties into the work of Dacher Keltner and the listeners are probably so sick of me bringing him up, but Dacher in his latest book brought out the scientific research that he found that the way we most experience isn't by walks in nature or seeing majestic pieces of art. The way that we most commonly experience moments of awe in our lives

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is by watching others do acts of service onto others, something that he calls moral beauty. And these acts of service are most likely done by what I refer to as these everyday heroes who are walking amongst us who don't get the recognition that they should. But I think it's important to highlight this aspect of moral beauty because it is so important to our feeling of significance inside.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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So I want to go, as we're ending this interview, back to where I started. Your book was cited by the Next Big Idea Club. And one of my favorite things about that club is that they give the author the opportunity to describe their book around five thoughts. And as I was reading yours and preparing for this, one really stood out to me. And I'm going to read it.

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The point of life is not to point out the weaknesses of your spouse, your neighbor, or even your political opponent. The point of life is to point out and overcome the weaknesses in ourselves. And this takes me back to a comment I made. that I think we're facing a crisis of disconnection and the person we're most disconnected with is ourselves.

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And if we don't have an innate, if we're not sitting with ourselves, if we're not digesting the weaknesses that we have and how we're loving others, how we're in relationships with others, how we're serving the world, if we don't see those weaknesses, then we can't overcome them. I don't know if you have any parting words based on that last point.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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Sam, my final question is your book gives us a profound framework for understanding our existence. If there was one intentional action or mindset shift you'd encourage listeners to adopt today, what would it be?

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Well, thank you. And where is the best place the audience can go to learn more about you and your work?

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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Sam, thank you so much for joining us today, and congratulations again on your very thoughtful provoking book. That wraps up today's powerful conversation with Dr. Sam Wilkinson, a deep exploration of evolution, purpose, and the human experience, challenging conventional thinking and offering new perspective on how science and meaning can coexist.

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Dr. Wilkinson's insights into human duality, the power of relationships, and the idea of life as a test have given us invaluable tools to approach life with greater intentionality and connection. As we close, I encourage you to take a moment to reflect. Are your daily choices aligned with a deeper sense of purpose? Are you investing in relationships that bring out your best self?

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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And how are you navigating the ongoing challenge of choosing growth over complacency? These are the questions that define a life of meaning and fulfillment. If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to leave a five-star rating and review. Your support fuels this mission and helps us bring impactful conversations to the Passion Star community.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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And if you know someone who could benefit from this discussion, share it with them. Because one idea, one conversation can change the course of a life. For links to everything we discussed, including Dr. Wilkinson's book, Purpose, what evolution and human nature imply about the meaning of our existence, visit the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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You can also check out the video version of this episode on YouTube and explore exclusive deals from our partners at passionstruck.com slash deals. Supporting them allows us to continue delivering these transformational episodes.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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And if today's conversation sparked something in you and you'd like to bring these insights into your organization, team, or community, visit JohnRMiles.com slash speaking to learn more about how we can work together to ignite intentional change. Next week, I'm thrilled to welcome Dr. Lori Santos, Yale professor and host of the Happiness Lab to the show.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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We'll be diving into the science of happiness, what truly makes us happy. why we often chase the wrong things, and how to rewire our brains for long-term fulfillment. If you've ever struggled with stress comparison or finding lasting joy, this is an episode you won't want to miss.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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Remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And most importantly, take what you've learned and put it into action because knowledge without action is just potential left untapped. Until next time, live life passion struck.

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And as I understand it, as you were in medical school at Johns Hopkins, there was a pivotal moment in your first year that impacted both your spiritual life and your intellectual curiosity. And that was, you were wrestling with the compatibility of your faith and the theory of evolution. If you think back upon that time, what questions

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were weighing on your mind and how did they challenge your beliefs at that time?

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey, PassionStruck fam. Welcome to episode 581 of PassionStruck.

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Dr. Samuel Wilkinson on Why Life Is a Test of Good and Evil | EP 581

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thank you for sharing that. And that's actually how you open up the book is talking about this experience. And the book I'm referring to is titled purpose, what evolution and human nature imply about the meaning of our existence and congratulations on the book. And it also being featured as a member of the next big idea club.

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So one of my favorite authors that I have referred to on a regular basis is Clayton Christensen. Okay. Clayton Christensen. And my understanding is early on, over a decade before you even wrote Purpose, you reached out to Clayton Christensen for advice because you had seen him speak and it was really a transformative experience for you. What stood out

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for you about the way that Clayton integrated faith with intellectual rigor and how did his approach influence your own perspective of bridging science and spirituality?

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Thank you for sharing that and thank you for honoring his legacy. So Sam, many scientists have argued that evolution is purely random and devoid of any overarching purpose. However, you highlight evidence throughout the book that suggests otherwise. Can you walk us through some of what you think are the most important findings and how they may reshape our understanding of human significance?

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Let me ask you, what if everything we know about evolution, purpose, and human existence was only part of the story? Today, I'm joined by Dr. Sam Wilkinson, Associate Professor of Psychiatry at Yale University and author of the new book, Purpose. what evolution and human nature imply about the meaning of our existence.

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Thank you for sharing that. And one of the areas I really want to deep dive into is this crisis of meaning that you write about and I've heard you talk about. So I'm going to introduce this to you like this, Sam, so you have some context. Earlier in my career, I was a senior executive at Fortune 50 companies like Lowe's and Dell in very senior roles.

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Dr. Wilkinson challenges the idea that life is a random accident, offering a fresh perspective on how evolution itself may point to a deeper purpose. But before we dive in, earlier this week, I had an incredible conversation on Tuesday with Natalie Namaste about intuitive healing, overcoming limiting patterns, and aligning with your soul's purpose.

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In the midst of all of that, I got a calling from whether you refer to it as source or God or whatever, that I was supposed to help. The words that were given to me were the helpless, the hopeless, the lonely, the broken, the battered. And for years, I really struggled with who were those people and how could I possibly make a difference and why was I being called? And

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As I was reading your book, and I'm going to read this for the audience, I saw these words and it connects to the same thing that I believe I am called to help people with. I call it the disease of disconnection and that we are disconnected as a society. We're disconnected in our relationships, but overwhelmingly we're disconnected from ourself.

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And so you write, as I've worked with hundreds of depressed patients over the years, I found that many people struggle with a sense of purpose or meaning in their lives. You write, I find this tragically ironic. Compared to those earlier time periods, people who lived in developed countries today have so much to live for.

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Eric Zimmer on Why Surrender Is the Secret to Your Best Life | EP 569

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Eric Zimmer on Why Surrender Is the Secret to Your Best Life | EP 569

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So I want to tell you this story. I used to volunteer in a cold weather shelter, which is ironic here in Florida because it doesn't get cold that much. But when it does, it certainly, you can tell the difference because we're used to it being so hot.

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But I remember one of the most rewarding aspects of this volunteer work that I did was a lot of people would volunteer and they would try to avoid the homeless. And instead... I would try to connect with them and, and try to understand their stories. And I w once met, um, this gentleman who used to be a cardiologist. He was one of the top cardiologists in Tampa Bay and.

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He had so much stress in his job and he was having some problems in his relationships with his wife that he started to go down this path of using drugs and one drug led to another drug, which led to another drug, which led to a full blown addiction. And then he started stealing painkillers from his practice and other things got caught and he lost it all.

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that the key to living a life of purpose and focus isn't about eliminating distractions, but understanding and managing them in a way that helps you take back control of your attention. That's exactly what today's guest is here to help us with. In this episode, I'm sitting down with Eric Zimmer, a behavioral coach, certified interfaith spiritual director,

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His wife left him, his kids wouldn't talk to him. He lost his medical license. And he was just telling me that you see these people like me who are homeless and you think it can't happen to you. And he goes, you don't realize how close any of us potentially are to this happening to them. And he described to me that addiction often feels like a slow unraveling. Did it feel that way to you as well?

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I can completely understand where you're, what you were just talking about, because I think that's what happened to me in my own life. I have been sober now for about, I don't know, going on 18 months and congratulations. Yeah. I didn't really ever look at it. Like I had a problem. I just didn't feel like I was performing at my best and that

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I was looking at the alcohol to, like you were describing early on, bring out areas of me that I thought brought out different dimensions. And the more I have focused on my own self-worth and doing the inner things to really know me, the less I have felt over time, the need to drink to bring out a part of me that I'm already happy with the person I am.

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and host of the award-winning podcast, One You Feed. Eric has an incredible story of overcoming addiction, rebuilding his life, and now helping others live intentionally by feeding the good wolf in their own lives.

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But one of the things that was really interesting to me, because this isn't the first time I've stopped drinking, I've done it before, is when you go out just to see how much of a norm it is in society It is the norm. Not drinking is not the norm.

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And it has really been impactful on more than I even suspected it might on some of the relationships, both seeing from my perspective, how much of my activities surrounded around drinking is the common element, but also how many people have pulled away from me now that I've stopped, who still partake. So have you seen any of these things in your own life?

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Eric's journey from facing personal challenges to becoming a source of inspiration for many offers a powerful reminder that no matter where we start, we can transform our lives through small, intentional actions.

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I want to go into something because I loved when I was doing my research that you were a software developer and you got into that because much of my career was spent in information technology. I started on the network side, information security. I've been a developer myself. and then ended up taking on more management roles over at eventually becoming a CIO.

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I understand the development world well. Here's where I wanted to go with it. Oftentimes I found developers to be some of the most creative people I knew. I also found them oftentimes to be sensitive. And do you think there's any connection between sensitivity and creativity and the vulnerability to addiction?

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In today's conversation, Eric shares his personal journey of overcoming addiction and rediscovering his purpose, the power of small, deliberate actions in creating lasting change, how we can shift our mindset and cultivate habits that align with our values, practical strategies for overcoming shame and finding resilience, and lastly, how to create a life of purpose, even when the road feels overwhelming.

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I mean, you have to go back and wonder would the Beatles have ever become the Beatles or the Rolling Stones ever become the Rolling Stones or Guns N' Roses or Metallica. I mean, there's so many of them where drugs played an overwhelming portion of their exploration and what they produced. David Bowie, others. You could go on and on.

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Before we dive into today's episode, let me quickly recap some recent conversations. On Tuesday, I had the privilege of speaking with Dr. Ethan Cross, where we explored how to harness our emotions to create a more purposeful life.

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Yes, and I just want to pick up on a couple of things you said, because I know for me, when I was younger and I've always been a creative person, in fact, my mind sometimes would never shut down. And that's part of the reason I would drink was to try to quiet it down because I couldn't sleep and do other things. And the other portion of me is I've always been an introvert.

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So in social settings, it helped give me the courage to speak out and be a different version of myself. So it was very advantageous for those things. Now I want to ask you, have you ever seen the documentary where they created We Are the World, that song?

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Well, it was really interesting. And I'm just going to talk about Bob Dylan for a second, because Bob Dylan ends up showing up to this and he, You have Stevie Wonder there and obviously Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie and everyone else. But out of all of them, Bob Dylan might have been the biggest name there.

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It was an episode you won't want to miss, and this past Friday, I shared a solo episode on the importance of fighting for your soul and staying aligned with your true purpose. Be sure to check it out if you missed it. If you love these conversations and want to dive deeper into topics like emotional resilience, self-awareness, and intentional living, Make sure to explore our episode starter packs.

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And yet in this film, Stevie Wonder, them almost having to manage him because Stevie Wonder wanted to make the song his own. And Michael and Lionel had already written it when they invited him into it. But Bob Dylan shows up and the song they end up producing is way out of his vocal range for a lot of it.

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And instead of asking them to do anything else or trying to sing parts that were out of his vocal range, you watch him on camera and there are many... elements where he's participating, but he just doesn't sing. He's encouraging the others. And it was very striking to me that he had so much understanding of himself and confidence that he knew his place.

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He wanted to be there to support it, but he didn't make it about him. And it was just an interesting thing that I thought I would share.

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Wow. And the whole filming of this happened after they went to an awards ceremony. So it's already happening from like midnight to five o'clock in the morning and they keep bringing more and more alcohol and drugs and other things to it. So yes, I could only imagine. So I wanna go back to your journey and I often talk about this concept of defining moments.

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And I think we all have defining moments who shape who we become. Was there a moment or realization for you that led you to finally seek help and be, and begin your recovery journey?

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They're available on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs. Don't forget to subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com for exclusive content, challenges, and tools to stay aligned with your goals every single week. Now, let's dive into episode 569 of the Passion Struck Podcast with Eric Zimmer.

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I think that's a fabulous answer. And you ended up going into the 12 step program, which has a whole underlying philosophy of service. Yes. My question around this is one of surrendering. How did surrendering both to the process and more importantly to the need for help become a critical part of your recovery?

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Thank you for choosing Passion Struck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely thrilled today to bring you Eric Zimmer. Welcome, Eric. Thanks, John. I'm glad to be here.

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Thank you.

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As the conversation progresses, I'm going to ask you some questions about your podcast, but I just wanted to start out by paying you a compliment that I love the way that you interview and I love what you do with your show. So thank you for bringing it to the world.

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That's very kind. Eric, my show centers on this idea that everyone matters and that we can rebuild our lives intentionally. To begin with, I'd love to hear what does the idea of mattering mean to you personally?

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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when you had that relapse where you went back after eight years and started drinking again, because I'm sure as you got into that, you went through another period where you were probably not very happy with yourself.

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Thanks for sharing that. And yesterday I was talking to my friend, Bob Sutton, who wrote the book on closing the gap between knowing and doing. And as someone who's lived through it and also coaches others, I think you've seen how behavior change is so difficult for most people, even when they know that they really need to do it.

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What do you think are the most critical conditions that need to be met for someone to make lasting changes in their behavior?

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It reminds me, speaking of behavior scientists, of this concept from behavior science called choice bracketing. Not sure if you're familiar with it or not, but it's really about a way of thinking about decisions that involves considering, do you evaluate your choices separate or together? And most of us practice narrow bracketing where We're thinking too much about just an individual decision.

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We're broad bracketing. Really, you take a step above it and you look at the consequences of a series of choices together.

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100%.

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So I want to end our discussion by going to Zen teachings, because along your journey, you ended up becoming a big fan of Zen. And it seems to be, as I can see, a real counterbalance to your earlier approach to life. Zen really emphasizes direct experiences over conceptual thinking. Yes. How do you think?

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That aspect of it, as we've been talking about behavior change, et cetera, helps people bridge the gap and become more present in their lives.

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Yeah, and I always love looking back at Phil Jackson's career and how he used Zen to really influence the way he was coaching these players who each had mega personalities and even realizing when it comes to Dennis Rodman that sometimes you got to let him go and do his own thing. to bring them back into the fold of what you want them to do.

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And I want to end on this. You and I have both interviewed a ton of interesting guests along the way. What has surprised you most about hosting the podcast? Is there something that's profoundly changed your perspective?

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Well, Eric, that was really profound. And you were one of the first people I've ever had on the podcast who gets my vision of mattering. So I love that you brought our sense of self-mattering and its impact on helping others feel they matter and the reciprocal nature that it has. So what a profound way of describing it. Couldn't have said it better myself.

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Which you think about his legacy, it's a pretty powerful statement.

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Yeah, well, you look at some people who are very prolific writers and they pump out tons of product. And then you look at someone like Susan Cain, who comes up with books very seldomly, but when they do, they're masterpieces. And it's because knowing her, she pours so much into it to make sure she's getting to that quality level that she believes it needs to be at.

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Well, I'll have to check out your episode with them because I've got Oliver coming up for an interview in the next couple of weeks.

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I will. Eric, it's been really a profound honor to have you on the show. For those who want to learn more about you, where's the best place for them to go?

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Eric, it was surely a pleasure. Thank you so much for doing this.

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What an inspiring and thought-provoking conversation that was with Eric Zimmer. His journey from addiction to intentional living reminds us that no matter how far we fall, we all have the power to rebuild. Eric's insights on feeding the good wolf, aligning with our values and embracing small deliberate steps towards change are lessons we can all apply to our own lives.

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Absolutely. I always, in these interviews, love to give the audience some backdrop of who you are so they understand where we're going. And I think you do the same thing in your interviews. Looking back as a child, you struggled with kleptomania and were really acting out. Looking back

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One of the biggest takeaways from today's episode is the importance of intentionality, how making even the smallest deliberate choices can transform not just our careers, but our entire sense of self-worth and purpose.

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Eric's exploration of Zen, behavioral change, and the idea of mattering is a powerful reminder that we can create a life that truly resonates with who we are, no matter where we start. As we wrap up, take a moment to reflect on your own journey. Are there areas where you might be feeding the wrong wolf or letting autopilot guide your decisions?

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What small intentional step can you take today to start moving toward the life you envision? Remember, the power lies in choosing your path rather than letting it choose you. If today's episode resonated with you, please take a moment to leave us a five-star rating and review. Your feedback not only helps the show grow, but also empowers others to discover these life-changing insights.

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And if you know someone who could benefit from Eric's message, share this episode with them. It could be the spark they need to begin their own transformation. For links to everything we discussed today, including Eric's work and his podcast, The One You Feed, check out the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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You'll also find information on our sponsors at passionstruck.com slash deals, where you can take advantage of special offers that help fuel the show and bring you incredible content every week. Beyond the podcast, I'm passionate about sharing these messages through speaking engagements with organizations, conferences, and teams.

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If today's episode sparked something in you and you think these insights could inspire your organization, I'd love to explore how we can work together. Visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking. And don't forget to subscribe to our Live Intentionally newsletter for exclusive content and weekly challenges. And you can also watch today's conversation on YouTube.

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Eric Zimmer on Why Surrender Is the Secret to Your Best Life | EP 569

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Check out the John R. Miles channel and the PassionStruck Clips channel for highlights and key takeaways. Before we go, here's a preview of what's coming up next on PassionStruck. Joining us is Shige Oishi as he shares his incredible insights on how to build a life of resilience, clarity, and intentional growth.

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It's an episode filled with actionable strategies for overcoming adversity, cultivating mental strength, and unlocking your fullest potential.

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Thank you, as always, for spending your time with us here on Passion Struck. If you found value in today's episode, the fee is simple. Share it with someone who could benefit from these powerful insights. And as always, do your best to apply what you learn here so that you can live what you listen. Until next time, live life Passion Struck.

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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tying to this concept of mattering, do you think those behaviors were connected to a deeper sense as a child to feel seen and to feel that you mattered?

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Okay, and I think we all have... these upbringings that shape who we are today. And my parents, when I look back, were extremely different in their styles. My father really grew up with a father who was an alcoholic and who was removed. And so he tended to more lash out in anger. And my mom was more perfectionist to say that.

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And in your case, you had two parents who had different manifestations of depression, your father's anger and your mom's withdraw. If my research is correct, you've done good research.

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How did they impact your emotional development and your coping mechanisms?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey, PassionStruck fam. Welcome back to episode 569.

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Yeah, thank you for being vulnerable and going into that. It sounds like your parents' struggles added such a layer of complexity to your upbringing and really impacted your sense of self and your ability to be seen and navigate your life as a young person. I think that backdrop really builds on where I want to go next.

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And I've heard you mention in other conversations listening to you that addiction doesn't always stem from when dealing with trauma, but can result from chronic stress or a sense of, as we've been just talking about, disconnection. What do you think contributed most to your own path toward addiction?

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If you're new to the show, thank you so much for joining us. You have just joined a community that's all about igniting passion, living intentionally, and creating a life of purpose. Let me ask you, have you ever felt like your life is being pulled in 100 different directions, leaving you unable to focus on what truly matters? What if I told you...

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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On Tuesday, we were joined by Cody Sanchez, author of Main Street Millionaire, who challenged us to rethink wealth creation through her innovative approach to investing in sweaty and boring businesses. Cody shared actionable strategies for building financial freedom by acquiring established cash-flowing businesses.

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This is an unmissable episode for anyone looking to escape the grind and unlock generational wealth. And don't forget, if you're ready to dive even deeper, our episode starter packs are here to help. With over 540 episodes, it can be overwhelming to know where to start. So we've curated playlists on themes like leadership, mental health, and personal growth.

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I made a similar mistake. I had this position that was really important for me to fill when I was at Lowe's. It was a job where I really wanted someone to be creative. more than an operational person because I thought we needed that in this job. And I hired this person who during the interview said the right things, seemed to be creative.

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And when we were one-on-one would say really creative things. But when he got out in front of his peer group, it was like he was paralyzed and he had these great ideas, but he was almost afraid to express himself.

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Steven Linthicum A. And it got to a point where my peers started telling me that there was something we needed to do about the situation and I handled it wrong, I tried to bolster him up instead of challenging him directly and making things clearer than.

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So he understood how much he was failing and it ended up that I had to let him go primarily because no one was willing to work with him and it was causing his peers to lose trust and my other team leaders to start just questioning what is going on here. And so in a situation like that, how could I have done a better job at being heard? I,

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how could I address the emotions in the room to make this person feel more comfortable in giving feedback that they needed to express their creativity and how to, How could I have done a better job in bolstering them up while also letting them know that they were in a situation that if they didn't correct it quickly, it was going to be unattainable for them to fix? Yeah.

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You can find them on Spotify or by visiting passionstruck.com slash starter packs. For weekly inspiration and actionable tips, be sure to sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com. It's packed with exclusive content and tools to help you put the lessons from our episodes into practice.

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Well, coming into that environment, uh, his peer group across the board were very strong and the vast majority of them had been at Lowe's for a very long time. It's the same situation I walked into. I was the youngest vice president in Lowe's. I was 10 to 15 years junior in age to almost every one of my peer group.

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And most of these people, because they had such explosive growth, thought that everything that they were doing was

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And so I was similar to Todd in that I had these creative ideas. And when you tried to attack them head on, it was meant forcefully with resistance and pushback and topics we're going to get into bullying, et cetera. So I think he might have tried to express himself and got, it wasn't as if one person would just come after you. I found that they would gang up and come after you.

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And if you prefer watching these conversations, all our episodes are available on our YouTube channels, John R. Miles and Passion Struck Clips, where you can catch the videos and share them with others in your life who are passionate about growth.

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That's what would happen to me. And so I think what I learned to do and what I should have taught him to do better was to start taking each of these

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here's one-on-one out for coffee or a lunch to get to know him on a more personal level and to then keep that up so that he could start expressing these ideas to him one-on-one, building some confidence, letting them tell him what they liked about it and what they didn't like about it, and then bringing it up in a group meeting when he had socialized it more.

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And that's something that I learned to do and it worked fairly well. And I think because he was trying to do this in meetings as opposed to winning them over more gradually, that's where the issue came in.

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Today, we're diving into a transformative conversation that will reshape how you think about leadership, collaboration, and building thriving relationships. I'm joined by Kim Scott, celebrated author of Radical Candor and her latest release, Radical Respect.

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Absolutely. It is so amazing how companies right next door to each other are so different.

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So I had one more question I wanted to ask you on the radical candor front. You have pointed out we've been talking about hiring in my scenario that some leaders believe their job is to simply hire right and then give their team full autonomy, essentially stepping back and becoming hands off. And I love the metaphor that you use for this.

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You've compared it to the idea of marrying the right person, but then never spending any time with them.

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So how using this as a metaphor, how can leaders strike the right balance between giving autonomy and staying actively engaged with their teams?

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Kim's pioneering work has redefined how leaders approach feedback, foster resilient teams, and create workplace cultures where everyone can thrive. Kim's journey is a testament to resilience, adaptability, and purpose.

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Thank you for sharing that, Kim. And I wanted to start this next section off by sharing a quote from someone who I think we both admire, Bob Sutton. Yes. I've heard you talk about him. I love Bob. His quote is, as much as I believe in tolerance and fairness, I've never lost a wink of sleep about being unapologetically intolerant of anyone who refuses to show respect for those around them.

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With radical respect, You dive deeper into the issues of bias, prejudice, and bullying as obstacles to respectable workplaces, which really gets at the core of, I think, what Bob is talking about here. Can you explain why these three elements are so detrimental and how they differ from each other?

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Before co-founding Radical Candor, she held pivotal leadership roles at tech giants like Google, coached executives at companies like Dropbox and Twitter, and taught at Apple University. Her intentional approach to leadership has made a profound impact on countless organizations.

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This makes me think of a quote. Do you know who Dolly Chugg is?

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She has this quote that the three hardest tasks in the world are neither physical feats nor intellectual achievements, but moral acts. Return love for hate, to include the excluded, and to say I was wrong. Yes. I want to tackle the last one. Why is it so hard for so many leaders to say that they are wrong?

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In today's episode, Kim shares actionable strategies to help you master the art of feedback, balancing kindness and clarity to elevate your personal and professional relationships. You'll learn how to tackle common obstacles that undermine collaboration, avoid the traps of ruinous empathy and obnoxious aggression, and build a culture of intentional respect.

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If you're ready to grow as a leader, improve your relationships, and create environments where respect fuels high performance, this conversation is for you. Kim's insights will inspire you to lead with purpose, authenticity, and compassion. So let's get started with this dynamic and empowering discussion with Kim Scott.

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Well, thank you for sharing that, and that is absolutely great advice. And I'm going to have to go and watch that episode of South Park.

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So on the topic of biases, I wanted to give you a scenario, and then I'll ask you a question about it. So Kim, imagine a team meeting where a manager is repeatedly interrupting a female of Indian descent team member. Mm-hmm. They're dismissing her ideas while giving more airtime to others. The team senses the bias but doesn't know how to address it without causing discomfort or escalating tension.

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And I was hoping you could attack this as both a bystander and an upstander and how might either group step in to support the team member.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so honored to have a guest I've always wanted to have on the show today. Kim Scott, welcome to the Passion Struck Podcast.

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

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Well, thanks for sharing that. And I'll just give my own quick story. This is a low story. We, when I got there had not used any offshore labor and we, after a few years I'd taken over the software development organization and we decided that we were going to do both onshoring and some offshoring and hired a company who had put one of their senior executives

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I first read this book, which we're going to talk about, Radical Candor, during my time as I was transitioning from Lowe's to Dell. And the wisdom, especially when I was in the Dell environment, was truly transformational for me. And then more recently, I picked up an audiobook of Radical Respect, so I can't show it, unfortunately, for those who are watching. But to kick things off, there it is.

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on the ground at Lowe's to help make this transition better. And this guy had been around some really powerful companies where he had made some incredible changes. And I found when he was coming in meetings, people would talk over him. They didn't respect him. They wouldn't let him function. And so I recognized it and I went to him and told him that I saw what was happening.

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And then in the next meeting, I told him I was going to show him support. As he started to talk, I came up and said, I agree with what you're saying. I'd like to hear more. Or I found ways to support what he was doing. And it opened it up for everyone else to listen to what he had to say as well.

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So, Kim, I find oftentimes that can be a more complex issue than buy-ins, even in a diverse, especially in a diverse workplace. And I want you to explain the it statement approach, but I'm going to give you another scenario.

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

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A company is holding... very collaborative project kickoff. You've got multiple functions involved. Let's just say they want to implement a new HR system. So they've got a number of people there. They want this to be positive. But a team member makes a casual but offensive joke that reflects cultural stereotypes.

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

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The remark causes discomfort for some of the team members, but no one wants to disrupt the positive tone of the meeting. How could a leader use an it statement to set boundaries around acceptable behavior without escalating the situation?

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You've got it. Can you share with us the journey that took you from writing Radical Candor to Radical Respect? What inspired you to build on that earlier work?

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You are absolutely right. And that's why on this podcast, I try to stay right in the middle. So bringing topics that benefit everyone.

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John Smuliany, Ph.D. : Okay, I want to close out this whole section by talking about the role of upstanders and psychological safety and i'm going to bring. John Smuliany, Ph.D. : Another quote of another behavior scientist, who I think captures this really well and that's amy edmondson another person i've had on this program and amy says.

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Dr. To understand why psychological safety promotes performance, we have to step back to reconsider the nature of so much of the work in today's organizations with routine. Dr. predictable modular work on the decline more and more of the tasks that people do require

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More and more of the tasks that people do require judgment, coping with uncertainty, suggesting new ideas, and coordinating and communicating with others. This means that voice, a person's voice, is mission critical. And so for anything but the most independent of routine work, psychological safety is intimately tied to freeing people up

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

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to pursue excellence i love what she writes there yes and being an upstander at times can be challenging and sometimes awkward so how can leaders make sure that this psychological safety is there and respected over pure performance

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And I think I've got a great scenario that this plays into, one that everyone can probably relate to. So sales is important to everything that a company does. And companies want to have high performing sales executives. And I have seen so many of these executives who consistently hit their targets.

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But on the other side, they're reporting to their chain of command that this person is undermining and belittling to other team members. and often saying, look how great I'm doing and how poor you're doing, and I'm a god and you're not. And the leader who's getting these reports is hesitant to take action because maybe this person is driving 40% of their sales performance.

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

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And on the surface, they can't afford to have that poll as you just expressed. Yes. So could you walk us through The types, starting from conversational to compensation to career consequences that you could take as that leader who's the boss over this person to address their behavior more effectively.

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I absolutely agree. And Kim, To wrap up today, what is one practical step anyone who's listening can do to start implementing and creating a culture of radical candor and respect?

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Well, thank you for sharing that. And I think I'll leave everyone with a good story that I had from my time at Lowe's. One of the most respected people in the entire company was a gentleman named Larry Stone. Larry, by the time I was working with him, had been in the company for 39 years.

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He started in the mailroom, had held every job you could have in a store, eventually became president and chief operating officer by the time I really got to work with him. And I did a number of store visits with them.

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And every store visit he would do, he would walk up to a cashier or someone in one of the aisles and he would say, if I were wearing your red vest, what is something that I could do to make your job and your life better? Which was a way for them to opening up to him without making them feel like he was putting them on the spot.

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And I think the other thing he did that was so important is before he would go to any store, he knew the stores so well that he would look at all the analytics before he came in. So if anyone would ever challenge him, he could spout out almost any performance statistic about the store, which also showed to the people there that he cared. Well, Kim, thank you so much for sharing your insights.

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Where can the audience find more about your work, your podcast, your books? and how they can apply radical candor and respect in their own lives and in their businesses.

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Thank you so much. And I really appreciate that. And all the veterans who tune into the show on a regular basis, thank you so much for your service as well. Well, Kim, such an honor to have you on the show. Thank you again so much for joining us.

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

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Wow, what an insightful conversation that was with Kim Scott. From mastering the balance of care and candor to understanding how respect can transform workplace culture, today's discussion has been a true masterclass in intentional leadership.

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Kim's approach to addressing obstacles like bias, prejudice, and bullying is both powerful and practical, reminding us that it's within each of our control to create environments where everyone feels valued.

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

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As we wrap up, I encourage you to think about what you can do to bring more radical candor and radical respect into your life, whether it's offering clear feedback with empathy or stepping up as an upstander when you see disrespect. Remember, it's these intentional actions that build stronger relationships and healthier cultures, not just at work, but in all areas of life.

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

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If Kim's message resonated with you, please leave us a five-star rating and review. Your support helps keep bringing these impactful conversations to the PassionStruck community. And if you know someone who could benefit from Kim's insights, please share this episode with them. A single conversation can be the spark for meaningful change.

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

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You can find links to everything discussed today, including Kim's books, Radical Candor and Radical Respect in the show notes at passionstruck.com. The video version is available on YouTube. And don't forget to check out our sponsors and deals at passionstruck.com slash deals. Supporting those who support the show keeps us going strong.

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Before we close, I want to remind you that I'm passionate about sharing these insights with organizations and teams through speaking engagements. If today's episode resonates with you and you think my message can inspire your company, head over to johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn more. Let's work together to create intentional change and ignite growth.

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

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Now, here's a sneak peek at what's coming up next on PassionStruck. I'm joined by Jessica Zweig, best-selling author of The Light Work. Jessica's profound teachings on embracing both your inner light and darkness will inspire you to step into your most authentic self and unlock your infinite potential.

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In this episode, we'll explore how to reconnect with your purpose, align with your cosmic truth, and cultivate a life that radiates intention and empowerment. Jessica's wisdom will equip you with actionable tools for overcoming self-doubt, finding your voice, and creating a life of meaning and fulfillment. You won't want to miss this transformative conversation.

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

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As always, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who could benefit from it. And remember, apply what you hear on the show so that you can live what you listen. Until next time, live life passion struck.

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey, PassionStruck fam, welcome back to episode 542 of the PassionStruck podcast.

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

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company culture is so interesting to me and i'll just talk about lowe's and dell for a second when i was at lowe's even though we were 48 billion dollars in revenue yeah much of the company especially before the headquarters moved to mooresville and still up in wilkes-barreau still felt like it was a small family-owned company and everywhere you went the leadership

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constantly talked about the values. It was on our walls. It was right when you walked in. The CEO, every time you talked, would emphasize the points. Store operators would emphasize the points. And then when I went to Dell, it was quite a change because the values were rarely talked about at all.

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And when I looked at it even deeper, when you walk the halls of Lowe's, I bet you one out of every two employees some Lowe's branded apparel, whether it was... Yeah, there's a lot of pride. Yeah, lots of pride. And at Dell, during my time there, people didn't want to be seen, especially out in town, wearing a Dell shirt. So it was such a difference. That was...

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10, 12, 13 years ago, and you would think that we would be better at transforming workplace culture. So why do you think having a respectful, candid workplace is still relatively rare?

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

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I'm your host, John Miles, and I am so grateful for your continued energy, passion, and commitment to living a more intentional life. Week after week, you show up ready to elevate yourselves, and that's what makes this community so powerful. If you're joining us for the first time, welcome to the PassionStruck family.

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It's not instinctive at all. And in fact, most of us consciously, or I should say unconsciously default to one of those areas in the quadrant. based on what I've done in my career. This leads me to one of the most famous and impactful stories that's in Radical Candor, the one about Bob. And I think that this is something I too have seen as a leader. You have someone on your team, like a Bob.

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I used to call him a plotter because

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were typically a really nice person got along with everyone but they really weren't moving the needle in their career but you want to keep them all along because they're not hurting the culture people like them but you're just moving the person along yeah but you're not really helping them improve their performance and this is what was happening with bob you were avoiding giving him honest feedback to spare his feelings and it ultimately led

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Kim Scott on How to Foster Honest Feedback and Build Trust | EP 542

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You've just joined a global community focused on igniting purpose and living boldly with intention. And we're thrilled to have you with us. Before we dive into today's episode, let's take a moment to recap my conversation from earlier this week.

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to a situation that you admit could have been prevented. Can you share a little bit more about this story of Bob and what the experience taught you about the power of our choices as leaders, especially when it comes to balancing kindness with the need to be direct?

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Gregory Walton on Why Big Changes Start With Small Acts | EP 593

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Yeah, it's interesting. I'm sure you're familiar with Dacher Keltner, and Dacher and I have talked about his experience at Sam Quentin. And I want to tie this back to your book because we were talking about his book, Awe, when it came out, and we were specifically talking about the concept of moral beauty, how we experience awe the most through small acts of kindness.

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I sat down with organizational psychologist and bestselling author, Tasha Yurek, to explore her groundbreaking new book, Shatterproof. We dug into what it means to be truly self-aware and how resilience isn't about being unbreakable. It's about learning how to rise stronger. If you missed this episode, I highly recommend going back to check it out. Now, let me ask you this.

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And what he was telling me was that he thought at San Quentin, that would be the least expected place that you would see people experiencing awe. Yet he said he saw it completely different, that some of the prisoners he observed experienced it more than a common person because they took the small acts as so much more because

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to them, the small acts that they got to experience were so much more profound because of their captivity. Does that resonate with you at all?

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Thank you so much for sharing that, Craig. And I want to jump now to your book. And I must say, it was a really intriguing read for me. And I loved the stories you told and how you immersed it with science along with the narrative. Well done on how you wrote it. But as I was reading it, you really emphasized three foundational questions throughout. Do I belong? Can I do it? Who am I?

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Why do these questions matter so deeply to our ability to flourish?

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What if big changes don't require big actions, but instead small, intentional steps? How can the belief of one person transform your life's trajectory? And what would happen if you appreciated every relationship, every interaction from a place of trust, empathy, and genuine understanding? Today, we're diving deep into these transformative questions with Dr. Gregg Walton.

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So one of the interviews I did last year was with an author named Jennifer Wallace, and she wrote this great book on mattering where she was really looking at the achievement culture that is so rampant today with children. And one of the things I remember her talking to me about was that a child's sense of mattering really comes from their parents who they look up to and interact with.

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And if the parents go to work and they don't feel like they matter and they're emotionally exhausted when they get home, it's almost impossible for them to reinforce the child's feeling that they matter. And where I'm going with this is in the book you beautifully wrote, every child needs at least one adult who is irrationally crazy about them.

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And where I wanted to go with this is why is unconditional belief so transformative in someone's life, especially a child's?

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Thank you so much for sharing that. And I can't say I've ever watched the movie, but I'm now going to go look into it in more detail for sure.

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Greg's journey into human connection and belonging began when he was a teenager, and it was profoundly shaped by witnessing global poverty firsthand and a life-changing experience of being falsely arrested. His curiosity drove him into groundbreaking research, exploring how small shifts in our mindset can radically alter our life outcomes.

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Mine are a little bit older.

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So as I was reading through the book, it became very clear that mentors have played a big role in your life. And you mentioned Eleanor Maccabee, and I was hoping you could share the story of her encouraging note, because I think it really captured how deeply small gestures can affect us in such a positive way.

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So, Greg, I wanted to ask you a few questions probing mattering and Earlier this week, I got to interview Gordon Flett, who I'm not sure if you're familiar with, but he wrote the book, The Psychology of Mattering. And he and I were having this discussion around why so many people today feel so unseen and how do we become more intentional about genuinely seeing others in everyday life?

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And we started talking about this concept of reciprocity, that if you want to feel seen, there's a need for you also to make other people feel seen. And oftentimes that loop is broken. And I wanted to see if this is something that you've run across in your own research.

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Greg is a professor of psychology at Stanford University and the author of Ordinary Magic, the science of how we can achieve big changes with small acts. His work has been celebrated by the Next Big Idea Club and acclaimed worldwide for its transformative insights on belonging, trust, and intentional change.

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I agree with you. I think at times the whole concept gets overcomplicated because sometimes we're not trying hard enough and sometimes we're over trying. And I think there's a space between that more research and focus needs to be put on.

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In today's episode, Greg and I explore how belief and belonging can shift the course of a child's life. While small acts often have the biggest emotional ripple, taught to cultivate intentional empathy and psychological safety and what it truly means to matter to yourself and to others.

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I couldn't agree more. And thank you so much for sharing that. One of the things that you do in the book is in each of the parts, you explain answers to the questions that you ask in the parts, but then at the end of some of the parts, you then go into applying it to things that are really paramount right now in society. And we talked about

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as we started your experience in indonesia and seeing poverty etc so one of the things that you look at in depth is global poverty and aid and you really go into the work of catherine thomas's research noting because the show talks a lot about intentions that intentions are not impact and through the lens of poverty and programs how can

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aid programs, specifically better align intentions with positive, respectful outcomes.

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This episode is a call to action to live with intention, to lead with empathy, and to create meaningful impact in the most ordinary moments. If you're looking to go deeper, check out our episode starter packs at Spotify or passionstruck.com slash starter packs.

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Thank you.

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With over 590 episodes now, we've curated playlists on themes like emotional resilience, intentional living, alternative health, and personal transformation. And don't forget to subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com for exclusive insights, challenges, actionable strategies, and behind-the-scenes content.

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Thank you.

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Now, let's dive into this powerful conversation with the extraordinary Dr. Gregg Walton. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to create an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so honored and thrilled today to welcome Dr. Gregg Walton to PassionStruck. Welcome, Gregg. How are you today?

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Well, I first wanted to say congratulations on your new book, Ordinary Magic, the science of how we can achieve big changes with small acts, which has already been named a next big idea club must read. Congratulations.

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I'll tell you, my book came out last year. And for me, when it also became mentioned on the Next Big Idea Club, that to me was almost a bigger recognition than any bestseller list could possibly have done for the book.

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Thank you for sharing that. And I didn't want to leave this discussion without going back to the work that you and your colleague, Jeff Cohen did, because as I was reading this chapter, you went back in grad school and you and he put stories together that you heard in a little package for new sixth graders. Yeah. And what I thought was interesting here is that you told a

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them that almost all the seventh graders said that they had worried at first that they did not fit in or belong in the sixth grade. But when you went back and asked them at the end of the year, they almost say to a person that they now know that they fit in and belong.

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So I like to start these interviews out by going into your personal journey. So your work deeply explores human connection. Can you share a defining moment in your life that ignited your passion for understanding belonging?

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Thank you, Greg, for sharing all that. It's incredible research and it was one of my favorite chapters. And I just wanted to ask you one more thing about the spotlight you did on improving school for the most vulnerable children. And I'm going to read from here. You say, for a decade, our team has worked in Oakland with groups of young people most vulnerable to being miss seen or unseen in school.

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Working hand in hand with educators and youth groups, we create a platform for children to introduce or reintroduce themselves to an adult in school who could support them in their learning and growth. What I liked about this is that you write that this approach draws on the trust and belonging work that helped tweens forecast and then build better relationships with teachers.

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Can you describe this, you call it empathy mixed with discipline and how that works?

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Man, that's a huge impact. Greg, we've had a really fascinating conversation today. And one of the things...

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that i love that you did with the book is you followed advice that i got from dan heath who i was asking him advice on how i should write the book i'm working on now we were talking about approach and he said the biggest thing you need to do is you need to keep following the questions i loved how in a lot of the ends of your chapters, you outline all the questions that you answer.

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I guess my final question to you would be, as you were going through this book, what do you think is the most important question of all?

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It was such an honor to have you today, Greg. Congratulations again on the book. And I have to say out of all the people I've had on this podcast, you have been one of the richest bringing in other people's research into your answers. So thank you for doing that. And thank you for joining us.

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Gregory Walton on Why Big Changes Start With Small Acts | EP 593

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It certainly is. And your work is so important. And I love how much of it that you're focused on kids and school environments and helping teachers connect better with kids so that they truly feel like they do belong. So thank you for bringing this work into the world. Thank you. And that's a wrap. What an incredible conversation with Dr. Greg Walton.

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Gregory Walton on Why Big Changes Start With Small Acts | EP 593

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His insights into the power of small acts, the science of belief, and the importance of intentional empathy are truly life-changing. Greg reminds us that the journey to mattering doesn't require grand gestures. It begins with the quiet, daily decisions to see others, to believe in them, and to be present. As we close, I encourage you to reflect on a few questions.

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Gregory Walton on Why Big Changes Start With Small Acts | EP 593

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How can you show belief in someone without taking their agency away? What small act can you take today to reinforce connection and trust? And who in your life needs to be reminded that they matter? If today's conversation moved you, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review. It's one of the best ways to support the show and help these messages reach more people.

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Gregory Walton on Why Big Changes Start With Small Acts | EP 593

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And if someone in your life could benefit from Greg's wisdom, share this episode, it might be the moment they need most. For links, highlights, and resources, including Greg's book, Ordinary Magic, visit the show notes at passionstruck.com. And if you want to dive deeper, watch the full episode on my YouTube channel, where you'll find even more inspiring content.

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Gregory Walton on Why Big Changes Start With Small Acts | EP 593

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Be sure to hit subscribe while you're there. And if you're interested in bringing these insights to your organization or team, visit JohnRMiles.com speaking to learn more about how we can partner for intentional change. And lastly, please check out our sponsors at PassionStruck.com deals and support them if you love their products, because supporting them helps me bring the show to you at no cost.

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Gregory Walton on Why Big Changes Start With Small Acts | EP 593

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Coming up next on PassionStruck, I'm joined by Dr. Christy Smith. We discuss why now, more than ever, is the time to embrace the future of human-powered leadership. It's a conversation about purpose, people, and what it means to lead with humanity in a world that's changing fast.

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Gregory Walton on Why Big Changes Start With Small Acts | EP 593

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And remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value here, share it. Most importantly, put what you learned into action because knowledge alone doesn't change the world. Action does. Until next time, live life passion struck.

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Gregory Walton on Why Big Changes Start With Small Acts | EP 593

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Gregory Walton on Why Big Changes Start With Small Acts | EP 593

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Thank you so much for sharing that. And one of the other interesting things I saw by studying your background is you had the opportunity that a lot of people don't get to have when they're young to travel to remote places. You happen to go to a place in Indonesia. How did experiencing global poverty firsthand, I think you were 13 or 14 at the time, shape your own sense of purpose?

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Gregory Walton on Why Big Changes Start With Small Acts | EP 593

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, PassionStruck fam, welcome to episode 593.

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Gregory Walton on Why Big Changes Start With Small Acts | EP 593

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Thank you so much for sharing that. Some of what you were talking about reminded me of the late Emil Bruneau's work on humanization and dehumanization and how we see the other side. Also reminded me of some of the work that Kirk Gray has done.

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Well, one thing I wanted to touch on is I understand that at one point, you guys had a really impactful experience of being falsely arrested at your family's cabin. And I wanted to ask, Can you take us back to that moment and what it taught you about trust, power and vulnerability?

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Whether you're a longtime listener or joining us for the first time, I am so deeply grateful that you're here. You've tuned into a movement dedicated to unlocking your potential, living with intention, and making what truly matters, matter most. Before we dive in, let's take a moment to reflect on an incredible conversation from earlier this week.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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How have you saw things like this and science come together?

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Whether your focus is leadership, mental health, or personal mastery, you can find them on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs. And if you're looking to take these lessons even further, sign up for my live intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com. It's packed with weekly insights, challenges, exercises, and tools to keep you inspired.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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It's interesting when I first heard that term meta awareness, the person who I was talking to, I asked him, what is it? And they said, it's being aware of your awareness. And I said, what the heck is that? But it really is self-awareness focused on how do you process your own consciousness? It's like, how do you think about. what you're thinking about, which is the same thing.

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something about you. One of the things I love about you is that you do, quote unquote, me search, which is really getting out of the classroom environment, and taking this into practical real life experience. So we're going to talk more about that.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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But I, since we brought up mindset a couple times in your writing, and in your workshops, and in your speaking engagements, you really explore the practical applications of mindset science. Was there a pivotal moment or experience that made you realize how much the power of mindset helps people thrive?

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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And as we start this new year, let's reflect on the empowering conversation from earlier this week with Shira Gill. Shira's insights on simplifying our lives and creating systems that align with our values provided the perfect blueprint for starting 2025 with clarity and intention. If you've missed it, I encourage you to go back and listen.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Well, thank you for sharing that. And I'm just going to point the listeners to, if you want to learn more about Carol Dweck's work, I haven't been fortunate enough to have Carol on the podcast, but I've had Edward Borsino, David Yeager, and Mary Murphy on the show, who are all students of Carol's and go into different aspects of it in their work.

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And you can tune into those episodes if you want to learn more about developing a growth mindset. So Perry in your book, how to winter getting back to it, you describe mindset as a self-fulfilling prophecy and your book really focuses on preparing and experiencing winter with intention. How, when you're thinking about preparing for winter, do small preparatory behaviors

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like setting out clothesy blankets or stocking up on tea or reshuffling your wardrobe, relate to the broader philosophy of being intentional about how we approach things that may cause us discomfort.

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It's a practical guide to cutting through the noise and focusing on what truly matters. Today, I am thrilled to welcome Dr. Carrie Leibowitz to the show. Carrie is a Stanford-trained health psychologist, Fulbright scholar, and leading expert in mindset science. Her groundbreaking research examines how our mindset profoundly influences our health, well-being, and ability to navigate challenges.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Yeah, thank you for sharing that. And one of the things going back to the me search is you have studied cultures that thrive in extreme winters. Countries like Norway, Denmark, Sweden, Japan, which some people might not think gets that cold, but having been there 20 something times, I can tell you it gets darn cold.

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Carrie's book, How to Winter, Harness Your Mindset to Thrive on Cold, Dark, or Difficult Days, is a transformative guide to finding joy and meaning during life's toughest seasons, both literal and metaphorical. Her work is rooted in her time living above the Arctic Circle, where she studied how people flourish during the polar night. a two-month period without sunlight.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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What specific practices or philosophies for you stood out and did you see commonalities across those countries?

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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By cultivating what she calls a wintertime mindset, people even in the harshest conditions found ways to experience joy, connection, and resilience. In today's episode, we'll explore how mindset science can transform not just how we experience winter, but how we approach life's most challenging seasons.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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It's funny because down here in Florida, this time of year is my favorite because the temperatures actually remind me of that experience I told you about when I was a kid.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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You wake up and it's in the 50s or 60s and then it warms up and then you get a cool evening as well. But it also is nice that it does get cold enough that you start introducing foods that you typically don't eat here during the summer months, soups and stews. And we're making a roast tonight. So things that you typically don't think about when it's 90 degrees out.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Absolutely. Although I think we're getting too much pumpkin these days. But I hear you. So in all these different countries that you've explored, Canada, we can throw that in there as well. Many cultures have specific terms for creating coziness and connection.

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How do these practices, these terms, et cetera, et cetera, not only foster warmth, but maybe also foster a deeper sense of belonging and significance in our lives?

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We'll go into the surprising lessons Carrie learned from living in the Arctic and how they apply to building a more intentional, restorative life. She explains why rest and slowing down are not just indulgences, but essential practices for growth and renewal. We also discuss the role of intention and small deliberate choices in fostering resilience and finding meaning in difficult times.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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That's where I was going to go with it is I think sometimes during the summer months, et cetera, we find ourselves more on the go, go, go, go, go. Even in early fall and late spring, it's the same thing. We've got all kinds of outdoor activities that are going on, et cetera.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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But to me, the winter months, when I remember, it was a lot of time as a family unit, really spending time and having more robust conversations. And for me, it makes me think about Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas and other get togethers that are part of this more winter season that really foster this ability to have

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those more meaningful dialogues, which to me, bring more belongingness or a sense of meaning to your life.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Lastly, we discuss how Carrie's work at Stanford's Mind and Body Lab and her experiences with the Dalai Lama have shaped her understanding of human potential and what it means to thrive. As we step into this new year, Carrie's insights couldn't be more timely.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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So speaking of this slowing down, you really argue that winter offers a unique opportunity for rest and restoration. But let's face it, many people struggle with guilt in the performance culture that we're in with rest and leisure. It's very difficult, especially for perfectionists, to do so.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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How can we begin to reframe these as vital, intentional behaviors that contribute to our overall well-being?

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Whether you're preparing for the literal challenges of winter or navigating a metaphorical winter in your life, this episode will give you the tools and perspective to find light in the darkness and strength in the struggle. And don't forget, you can watch this interview on my YouTube channels, John R. Miles and Passion Struck Clips.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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where you'll find the full conversation as well as highlights to share with others. Let's start 2025 with purpose and resilience as we dive into this empowering conversation with Dr. Carrie Leibowitz. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. Hey, PassionStruck family.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Well, thank you for sharing that. And I think it's an important thing for listeners to understand, myself included, who have a tendency to constantly be active and not rest enough. I'm sure my fiance would attest to that. Another thing I wanted to explore with you is that oftentimes people see Winter is a sign of failure. People see it as a time of feeling depressed or forlorn.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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How do we distinguish between natural fluctuations in energy and something more serious like seasonal affective disorder?

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I am so excited today to bring on Dr. Carrie Leibowitz to the PassionStruck podcast. Welcome, Carrie.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Yeah, and thank you for sharing that because I do think it's important to cover that point in detail because it is something that I think is top of mind to a lot of people during this time of year. So Scandinavians have a saying, there's no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing. What does that mindset teach us about not only overcoming winter, but about overcoming perceived limitations?

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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I've been excited for this conversation ever since Dave introduced us, and I love the title of your book, How to Winter, Harness Your Mindset to Thrive on Cold, Dark, or Difficult Days. Congratulations on it being selected as a next big idea club must read.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Thank you so much for sharing that. Carrie, for those who are like me and they don't experience harsh winters and they're tuning into this episode, how can they apply the lessons from your book in their lives still, especially during difficult or transitional periods?

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Well, thank you so much for sharing that, Carrie, and for being a guest. What is the best way for listeners to get in touch with you?

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Well, they do, especially given who the curators are. Before we go into the book, I want to go a little bit into your background. I knew you grew up in New Jersey. What was life like for you growing up as a kid?

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Well, Carrie, it was such an honor to have you. And thank you so much for being a guest on Passion Struck.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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What an enlightening and empowering conversation that was with Dr. Keri Lebowitz. Today's episode was a deep dive into the science of mindset and its profound ability to transform the way we approach not just winter, but all of life's difficult seasons.

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Keri's insights about the power of intention, the beauty of slowing down, and the opportunities hidden in life's challenges offers us a fresh lens for finding joy, meaning, and resilience even in the darkest of times. As we wrap up, I encourage you to reflect on your own wintertime mindset.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Are you resisting the cold and dark seasons of your life, or are you finding ways to embrace them with curiosity and intention? Curious wisdom reminds us that even the toughest times can offer opportunities for growth, rest, and connection if we choose to look for them. If Carrie's message resonated with you, please take a moment to leave us a five-star rating and review.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Your support helps us continue bringing powerful conversations like this to the Passion Struck community. And don't forget to share this episode with someone who could benefit from hearing Carrie's insights. It could be the spark they need to thrive in their own life. You'll find links to everything we discussed today, including Carrie's book, How to Winner, in the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Be sure to check out the video version of this conversation on YouTube and explore our sponsors and exclusive deals at passionstruck.com slash deals. Supporting our partners allows us to keep delivering impactful episodes like this one. Before we go, I want to remind you that I'm passionate about sharing these insights with organizations and teams through speaking engagements.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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If today's discussion inspired you and you think it could benefit your workplace, visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking. to learn more about how we can ignite intentional change and growth together. Next week, I'm thrilled to welcome Max Lugavere, a New York Times bestselling author and health journalist to the show.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Max will share his transformative journey into the science of brain health and nutrition, along with actionable insights to help you optimize your mind and body for peak performance. It's an episode packed with tools to elevate your well-being

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And as always, take what you've learned here and put it into action so that you can live what you listen. Until next time, live life passion struck.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Well, it's interesting. I remember growing up as a kid in Pennsylvania and I always loved fall. Those days where you'd go out in the morning and it'd probably be in the mid 50s and you could see your breath and it was so crisp. And then you'd come home in the afternoon and it'd be in the 70s and you were wanting to do anything you could with that jacket that you wore earlier in the day.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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I do have to say, looking back, the winters could definitely be long periods of time. Now, luckily, I love playing hockey. So that, for me, was a really fun part of that season that I look forward to was getting to ice skate because all our rinks were outside in Pennsylvania. But it is a long stretch. And I remember it being just gloomy outside.

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And besides that, you were just hoping for snow days.

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For sure. And I always talk to people in Denver who say, I can't stand living in Denver, and I would be in hog heaven getting to ski all the time.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Welcome to episode

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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So you have a really interesting background. Your work has taken you from studying Tabishan mind-body sciences into India researching. at the Stanford Mind and Body Lab. How, for you, have these diverse cultural and academic experiences shaped your understanding of how our mindset impacts our health and resilience?

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Yeah, this is all really at the epicenter of my podcast.

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People tend to think of it as a self-improvement podcast, but it's actually an alternative health podcast because I'm really looking at how our intentional behavior changes drive not only our physical and emotional health, but our relationship health, career health, spiritual health, emotional health, et cetera, and mind and body are intertwined. with this, of course.

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Kari Leibowitz on How to Overcome the Winter Blues | EP 554

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Well, Kerry, as I was doing the background research on you, before you ended up going to Stanford, you did your undergraduate work at Emory grade school in Atlanta. And while you were there, you had the privilege of organizing His Holiness the Dalai Lama's visit, which must have been an extraordinary experience.

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You're now maybe the 10th person I've met who's had an audience with, with His Holiness. And the Dalai Lama often speaks about this intersection we've been alluding to here between science and spirituality. And I remember, I'm not sure if you know who Dave Vago is. He's a neuroscientist, used to work out of Vanderbilt. But I remember talking to him, and the Dalai Lama actually gave him a calling.

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And he... It's interesting when I have heard people who have met him, he has given callings to different people. But for David, it was he wanted to meet with them because his work around meta-awareness and consciousness and mindfulness, he thought was very important. And so he called upon him to help address human suffering. And I was wondering when you met with him, did he have a mission for you?

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554 of the Passion Struck Podcast and the very first episode of 2025. As we begin a brand new year, I want to take a moment to reflect on what this time represents, a chance for renewal, growth, and setting intentions for the journey ahead.

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Whether you're a longtime listener or joining us for the first time, I am so grateful to have you here as part of this incredible community focused on living with purpose, passion, and bold intentionality. If you're new to the podcast, welcome. with over 550 episodes designed to help inspire transformation. We've curated episode starter packs to help you dive right in.

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And the Eightfold Path, one of the things that I have been trying to immerse myself more into is practicing right effort. Because people often ask me, we have these beliefs about ourselves that get in our way. And I call it, we're often our own visionary arsonist. but this right effort is really about clearing our minds of negative, unhelpful thoughts.

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Elizabeth Weingarten on How to Fall in Love With Questions | EP 605

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Earlier this week, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Gretchen Rubin in front of a live audience. She's the bestselling author of The Happiness Project and also her new book, Secrets of Adulthood. We explored how small truths, well-timed insights, and the courage to know yourself can shape a wiser, more intentional life. If you missed that conversation, I highly encourage you to go back.

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So interesting. I really got into behavior science from two different perspectives. One, when I was with Lowe's, I was over all of our big data and all the software developers. And I was working very closely on really getting into metadata and what is driving our products, our customers, et cetera. And specifically for the customer side, we had a whole team.

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I say team, it was like three or four data scientists who were all behavioral scientists who were examining all these reports that were coming out of SAS and MicroStrategy and trying to understand what made customers tick. And we were very good at it because I think At that time in 2005, 2006, 2007, Lowe's was really ahead of the curve on analyzing that.

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And then when it came to understanding this on a more personal level, I was really trying to figure out how do you get people to change? What makes people go from being stuck to unstuck? And I started going down the path of really getting into neuroscience. And so I was studying Andrew Newberg and Vago and a bunch of neuroscientists. Jay Lombard and a few others.

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I remember I was talking to neuroscientist David Yadin and David says, John, neuroscience is going to work for people, but it's going to take significantly longer to impact change. What really is going to impact quicker change is behavior science.

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And so that really clicked for me and has really been where my focus has been over the past five years, really learning as much as I can about all different elements of it. So just thought I'd share that as well.

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It's one of our most meaningful yet. And I'm thrilled to share some exciting news with you. Passion Struck was just named the number three life leadership podcast by a million podcasts, standing proudly alongside shows like the Jocko Podcast and the School of Greatness. We were also honored with the Gold Stevie Award for Best Independent Podcast at the 2025 American Business Awards.

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So I'm going to take a detour from the book and then I'll come right back to it. So we've been talking about behavior science here, and one of the positions that you held along the way. was a managing editor of the publication Behavior Scientist, a publication I read on a weekly basis. So I was familiar with you long before I had you on the show.

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But what I love about that platform, it has allowed so many people from behavior scientists to Charles Duhigg and Annie Duke to express their opinions on how the science really works and I took a step into journalism unexpectedly, never thought in a million years I would get into it.

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And I found myself as the editor in chief of this publication called Bold Business, where by the end of it, I had written probably four or 500 articles myself. But similar to your experience, it really started to help me process how to different people think I got to interview a ton of people and I got to see so many different patterns emerge and what really shapes businesses and what people.

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Well, I guess it would be how people really shape them by the questions that they ask. So a long way of wanting to ask you this question, you must have covered a ton of different interesting topics at Behavior Scientist. Is there one that really stood out for you as unique or that really piqued your interest?

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A huge thank you to all of you who made that possible. Now, let me ask you something. What if not having all the answers was actually your greatest advantage? What if uncertainty wasn't a problem to fix? but a doorway to deeper insight. And what if learning to live the questions could transform how you navigate your biggest life decisions?

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Thank you for sharing that. And I'm going to come back to the relationship aspect that you just brought up. So I read a ton of books, probably a hundred a year. I have never started an introduction with someone talking about questioning whether they should stay married or not. And what was the reason for you opening the book that way?

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It obviously was a period of uncertainty for you, but it really is a gripping intro for someone reading the book.

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These are the powerful ideas we'll explore today with Elizabeth Weingarten. Elizabeth is a journalist and applied behavioral scientist whose work has appeared in the Atlantic, Slate, and Behavioral Scientist.

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It made me think that given how many people go through divorces, perhaps more people should be asking the difficult questions, but not just asking them, really thinking through them from the standpoint of what life would look like two, three, four, five, 10 years down the line. depending on how you answer the questions.

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Because I would bet more people might stay together if they looked at this over a longer term horizon and they started to choice bracket their decisions.

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She's led research at North America, Ideas 42, Udemy, and Torch, and now she's the author of How to Fall in Love with Questions, a bold, paradigm-shifting book that invites us to rethink our relationship with uncertainty.

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I remember years and years ago, I was young and had a, probably a four or five month old and our neighbors had been married for over five decades. And I remember talking to the wife, Karen, one day, and I said what's your advice about

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being married and she said well they're good decades and they're bad decades and you've got to weather both of them and i know she wasn't literally saying it was decades any relationship has ups and downs but absolutely yes so your book has some interesting names in it peaches pawpaws heartwood dead leaves what are they all about

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In today's episode, we unpack why our brains crave closure and why that craving often leads us astray, how embrace and curiosity can foster resilience, creativity, and deeper connection, what it means to live the questions, and how that mindset can shift everything. Elizabeth offers a fresh,

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I want to jump to one of the stories that you share in the book. You talk about a young man at the time named Parker Palmer. who you describe as a golden boy. He attracted powerful mentors. He ends up getting a PhD in sociology in Berkeley. And you describe him as having this big question hovering over his life.

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The people who knew him best, his friends and mentors found different ways to ask him, what on earth are you doing with your life? And I know that's a deep question that many of us ponder. Could you perhaps explore his story in more depth and how he came to that answer?

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compassionate and practical roadmap for anyone wrestling with indecision, ambiguity, or the pressure to have it all figured out. And if you're just discovering the podcast, check out our episode starter packs at either Spotify or passionstruck.com slash starter packs. curated playlists to help you dive deeper into themes like mindset, leadership, purpose, and emotional mastery.

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So I found it also interesting that you both went to the same high school a few years apart, but just a few years, about 50 years, I think apart. So one of the parts of this chapter I really liked is you wrote just to follow up with what you were just saying for Palmer wrestling out loud with honest, open questions became a critical tool in this journey towards psychological wellbeing and

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he ends up saying is the way you wrote it is I ended up living some of these questions. They aren't questions you can answer the way you answer a math problem. They are questions you wrap your life around questions that increase your awareness of how you're living and why. This kind of question is a constant probe into your experience and a way of stirring the pot to see what else is in there.

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And I brought that up specifically because one of the things that you really go into in the book is the importance of self-awareness. And through all the conversations that I've had on this podcast and interviewing lots of people outside of it, one of the conclusions I have come to Is so many of us believe we're self-aware yet the vast majority of us lack true self-awareness.

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And it is really the paradox of life. And I know I did personally, and it wasn't until I got an extreme wake up call. And it really took about two years asking myself a lot of the difficult questions and really not liking the answers. that I made a number of concerted efforts to change how I was living my life.

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But I think so many people fail to go through exercises like that because let's face it, some of the things you ask yourself when you look in the mirror, you don't answer that's coming back.

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And if you're interested in watching these instead of listening to them, we have two YouTube channels, one at John R. Miles and also a clips channel at Passion Struck Clips. Go check them out and subscribe. Now get ready for a perspective shifting conversation on how to rethink uncertainty, unlock your growth, and yes, fall in love with life's most powerful questions.

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So what is your advice to someone along these lines of how do you break that pattern and how do you delve more into that critical self-awareness that we need not only in our personal lives, but every leader needs it?

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Here's my conversation with the brilliant Elizabeth Weingarten. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am absolutely thrilled today to welcome Elizabeth Weingarten to PassionStruck. Welcome, Elizabeth.

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Thank you for sharing that. And I think the questions map is a really good tool that is worth admission for the book, just to use the tool and see how it can help with all the things that you were discussing about self-discovery and what's working in our lives and what's not. So I found it as I was looking at it to be something that I wish I had years ago.

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Thank you for sharing that. Elizabeth, we were just talking about the question map. And I thought maybe a good exercise would be to go through a story from the book that illustrates this map in action. Elizabeth, one of the stories that I thought was top of mind for me was the story of Miguel. And I think Miguel's journey is a common one in American history.

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Well, I always love interviewing Elizabeth because it's my mom's name. Although everyone knows her as Betty. Did you have a shorter name growing up for Elizabeth? It's always been Elizabeth.

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In his case, he ended up growing up in Mexico for the first few years of his life before he migrated to the United States and became an immigrant. And he thought that if he studied hard enough, that earning an education would allow him to work through the barriers that he might face going from a lower income growing up to the life that he wanted.

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But I think one of the things that is so important here, and it's one of the core areas that I focus on, in fact, I'm writing a whole book on it, is he found himself when he finally started to reach the points that he wanted with his education of not belonging, of feeling isolated, of feeling like he didn't matter.

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How do questions, if you're experiencing that, allow you to find meaning, to find a sense of belonging and to work your way out of something that I think so many people around the world today are facing?

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Thank you so much for sharing that. And we've talked... a lot today about questions and I wanted to bring this back to a listener's perspective before we end. There are probably a lot of listeners who feel stuck or overwhelmed by an unanswered question in their life. What's a way that they can begin to reframe it today?

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Well, thank you so much, Elizabeth, for sharing that. And where can people find out more about you, your book, and how to engage with your work?

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Elizabeth, thank you so much for being on the show today and congratulations about your new book. It was such a pleasure to have you.

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And that's a wrap on this thought-provoking conversation with Elizabeth Weingarten. From reframing uncertainty to embracing curiosity as a path to growth, to the radical idea that living the questions may be more powerful than chasing the answers, Elizabeth reminds us that the unknown isn't something to fear, it's something to befriend. Here are a few key takeaways I invite you to reflect on.

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Our craving for certainty. can often lead us away from the truth, not toward it. Growth begins when we stop demanding clarity and start asking better questions. Curiosity isn't a soft skill. It's a survival strategy. And the most transformative journeys begin not with answers, but with the courage to stay in the discomfort of not knowing.

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As I was doing research on you, I heard you tell this story that when you were growing up, your dad used to tell you quite frequently, whatever, you don't become a journalist. And in fact, that's what you ended up studying. Can you share a little bit more about that journey?

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If today's episode spoke to you, I encourage you to pick up Elizabeth's new book, How to Fall in Love with Questions. It's an essential guide for anyone navigating ambiguity in life, work, or relationships. And if you found value in today's episode, consider leaving a five-star rating and review on Apple or Spotify.

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Your feedback helps us grow and bring these powerful ideas to even more people to live with deeper purpose and intention. For show notes, video highlights, and additional resources from today's episode, visit passionstruck.com. or head to our YouTube channel at John R. Miles.

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If you're ready to go further, join the Ignition Room, our private membership community for high performers, or subscribe to the Ignited Life on Substack for weekly tools and reflections I don't share anywhere else. Links to both are in the show notes. Coming up next on Passion Struck, I'm joined by Dr. Andrew Newberg, a pioneer in the field of neurotheology.

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Together, we'll explore the science of belief, the biology of transcendence, why mattering matters, and how spiritual practices actually reshape the brain. It's a mind-expanding episode you don't want to miss.

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Until then, remember, the courage to question is often the first step to living a life that truly matters. Live boldly, lead with intention, and above all, live life passion struck.

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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And we're going to be discussing here in a couple of questions your new book, How to Fall in Love with Questions, A New Way to Thrive in Times of Uncertainty, which you just set up by asking those questions. I love this concept of falling in love with the questions. And I remember I was doing this interview on the podcast. This was in the early days.

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And I was talking to this former SEAL, Mark Devine. And we were having the same type of conversation. And he had started out working for Deloitte and Touche and was in the middle of getting a master's degree when he started to have extra time and he started to go to martial arts classes and mindfulness questions. And one of the things that one of his mindfulness teachers told him was,

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That your life is all about asking the right questions and that you need to constantly challenge yourself over your life with those questions because that's how you find meaning and purpose. And that's how you find your values and your intrinsic motivation and other things. So I love this topic.

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You really, since we're right here, I'm going to go into it and then I'm going to come back. In the book, you are really challenging the way that we approach uncertainty. What's the central idea behind that approach and why did you feel it was so important to write the book now?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become Passion Struck. Welcome to Passion Struck episode 605.

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Whether this is your first time joining us or you've been with us on this journey for a while, thank you for being part of a global movement that's all about defying limits, living with intention, and making what truly matters matter most. Before we dive in to today's episode, let's take a quick moment for reflection.

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Absolutely. Thank you for going through that structure because I think it's good for giving people people an idea of what the book is about. And I frame my questions around the different parts of the book. So it'll be a nice segue a little bit later on.

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Since you brought up books, another book that I came across through my research that you say helped redefine your path was a book by Iris Bonet called What Works. The subtitle is Gender Equity by Design. And

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I've had Cass Sunstein on the show, who's the co-author of Nudge, and he called it a path breaking work packed with insights on every page, the best book ever written about behavior science and discrimination. What was so meaningful about that book that it changed so much for you?

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Coming up next on Passion Struck. Most people don't even realize they're losing this battle. Every single day, the world is pulling you further away from what actually matters. And if you're not fighting for your soul, you're giving it away. So how do you take it back? How do you stop drifting and reclaim your purpose before it's too late? That's exactly what I'm breaking down today.

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even if you stop people pleasing there's another trap waiting for you you can break free from seeking external validation only to spend your life chasing the wrong goals because here's the real danger when you spend your life trying to prove yourself to others you stop asking what actually matters to you you work harder push further and chase more more success more money more achievement

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But at the end of it all, does it actually make you happy? This is what Dr. Arthur Brooks, one of the world's leading experts on happiness and success, calls the success trap, where you spend your whole life climbing the wrong mountain only to reach the top and feel completely empty.

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Arthur is a Harvard professor, best-selling author, and one of the most respected voices on what actually makes people happy. And when we spoke about his book, Strength to Strength, in episode 272, he hit me with a truth bomb. that I need you to hear. He who dies with the most toys dies. The question isn't, can you take it with you? Because you can't. But so many people act like they can.

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oh and don't miss my live intentionally newsletter every week i send out tips challenges and tools to help you crush it in every area of your life and if you haven't subscribed to the youtube channels yet what are you waiting for head over there for highlights behind the scenes and so much more before we dive in let me catch you up on what's been happening this week on tuesday i sat down with my friend dr dave vago a leading neuroscientist and expert on mindfulness

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They keep running on this treadmill, craving the next success, the next achievement, the next big win. But it never satisfies. Think about that. How much of your life have you been chasing the next thing? Telling yourself, once I get this, then I'll be happy. Here's the real problem. You spend years chasing goals that look good on paper but feel hollow in reality.

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You climb to the top of the ladder only to realize it was leaning against the wrong wall. Arthur explains that the reason for this is simple. Your brain is wired to keep you chasing, not to keep you satisfied. Here's what Arthur told me. Dopamine. The same neuromodulator that fuels addiction is what drives success addiction too.

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It keeps you wanting more, but it never actually lets you feel satisfied. That's why you can accomplish everything you ever wanted and still feel like something is missing. So let me ask you, are you chasing what actually fulfills you or just what looks good to other people? Success isn't the same as fulfillment. Achievement isn't the same as purpose. And more isn't the same as meaning.

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And Arthur Brooks says the happiest people have three things. Enjoyment, satisfaction, purpose. Not just success. So if you feel like you're grinding endlessly and still feeling empty, maybe it's time to stop asking how to be more successful and start asking what actually matters. But here's the problem.

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Once you realize you're chasing the wrong goals, there's something even more dangerous waiting for you, fear. What if I walk away from this path and regret it? What if I fail? What if I never figure out what actually fulfills me? And this is where most people get stuck. You realize you're chasing the wrong thing, but you're too afraid to climb back down and find the right mountain.

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And that's exactly what Angela Duckworth, best-selling author of Grit, has spent her entire career studying. Angela told me that people think success is about talent, but the real secret? It's about grit, the ability to push through discomfort, even when it's hard.

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In our interview, Angela told me fear keeps people trapped in their comfort zones because they think failure means they're not good enough. But real success, the kind that actually matters, only happens when you build the grit to push through fear. And this is why so many people stay stuck in the wrong life. Not because they aren't capable, but because they aren't willing to be uncomfortable.

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And the truth is, if you want to break free, you have to get comfortable being uncomfortable. But here's the problem. Most people don't know how to push through fear. They get overwhelmed, they freeze, and they end up doing nothing. And this is where BJ Fogg, a leading behavioral scientist, has a game-changing insight. BJ Fogg's research proves that fear thrives on overwhelm.

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When a challenge feels too big, your brain shuts down. But if you start small, like ridiculously small, the fear starts to fade. As BJ told me in our interview, the way to get unstuck isn't to take massive action. It's to start ridiculously small. Fear is a survival response. But when you take even one tiny step, your brain realizes, oh...

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This isn't as scary as I thought, and that's how momentum starts. So, if fear is holding you back, the solution isn't waiting to feel ready. It's taking one small step today. That's how you stop staying small. That's how you step into something bigger. That's how you fight for your soul.

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And this, this is exactly what Jesus meant when he said in Matthew 16 26, What do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? The harder we cling to control, validation, and achievement, the more we lose ourselves, the more we chase shallow distractions, the emptier we feel.

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to talk about the mind-body connection, how mindfulness rewires the brain, and the neuroscience of mattering. On Thursday, I had an incredible conversation with Francesca Sipma about breathwork, trauma healing, and how you can tap into your subconscious to unlock your full potential. And today, we're getting into something even bigger.

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And this is why we have to fight, because the alternative is slowly losing ourselves without even realizing it. So now the question is, how do we take our soul back? How do we fight for it? That's exactly what we're about to break down next. So, so far we've talked about what's pulling you away from your soul, the distraction, the validation traps, the fear that keeps you small.

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Now we're stepping into the fight because purpose isn't something you stumble upon. It's something you win through daily choices. This is what I talk about all the time on this podcast, your micro choices. Let's start with this truth. Most people lose this battle without even realizing that they're fighting one.

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Not because they're weak, not because they're incapable, but because they never understood what they were up against. If you've ever felt like you were drifting, if you've ever looked around at your life and thought, how did I even get here? If you've ever wondered why no amount of success

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validation or achievement actually fills the emptiness inside there's a reason for that and science proves it let's start with carl jung who spent his entire career studying identity and he made a mind-blowing discovery we all have two selves the authentic self the real you the version of you that's aligned fulfilled and deeply connected to your purpose and then we also have the false self

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The version of you shaped by fear, expectations, and external validation. The one that's chasing approval instead of meaning. Every time you choose comfort over courage, every time you play small to fit in, every time you silence your gut to avoid judgment, you're strengthening the false self. The problem? Most people aren't even aware they're doing it.

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And if you don't actively fight for your authentic self, you unconsciously default to the false self. which means the real you, the one that wants more, the one that craves purpose, it slowly disappears. This is why you feel lost. Not because you're broken, but because you've been living someone else's story. And that's only part of the problem.

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Now let's talk about why it's so freaking hard to fight for what matters. Have you ever felt mentally drained by the end of the day, even if you didn't do anything meaningful? Have you ever felt like you just can't focus on what actually matters? That's not a personal failure. That's science working against you.

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Roy Baumeister's groundbreaking study on willpower changed everything we know about decision-making. Here's what he discovered. Willpower is a limited resource. Every decision you make drains it. The more unnecessary decisions you make, the less energy you have left for what actually matters. And this is why we're losing the battle for our souls.

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Because every single day, we're making hundreds of tiny, meaningless decisions what to scroll, what to check, what to respond to, what to post. By the time we get to the things that actually matter, our purpose, our goals, our families, our soul, we're too exhausted to fight for them. And if you don't control your attention, someone else will. So let's put this together.

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This is a Momentum Friday episode, and you're about to hear something that might change your life. Because if you don't fight for your soul right now, you're losing it. You don't even realize it's happening, but every single day, the world is pulling you away from what truly matters.

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Carl Jung proves that we default to a false self when we're not intentional. Baumeister proves that our energy is being drained by distractions. And now research from Japan gives us a model for how to get that energy back. This is where the concept of ikigai comes in. The Japanese call it reason for being, and it's about aligning your energy with what actually fulfills you.

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Imagine if every decision you made fueled you instead of drained you. Imagine if your work Your goals. Your daily actions actually made you feel more alive. That's what Ikigai is all about. And that's exactly what we're fighting for. Because if you don't claim this for yourself, the world will claim it for you. Here's the deal. You don't need to just find your purpose.

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You don't just stumble into meaning. You have to fight for it. You have to wake up every single day and choose to fight for your focus, fight for your time, fight for your energy, fight for your soul. And if you don't, if you don't fight for what matters, distraction wins. Fear wins. The world wins, and that's why we need to have a game plan, a system, a framework. This is the fight framework.

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This is how you take your soul back. Five steps, five daily choices, five ways to make sure that you're fighting for the right things. And here's how it works. Listen up. Fight. Each letter stands for a decision that you have to make every single day. Let's break it down. F is for face the truth. Step 1. You have to face the truth. Because you can't fight for something you don't even understand.

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Here's what you need to get real about. What do you actually stand for? What actually matters to you? Not what looks good. Not what people expect. But what is real for you? Because if you don't define your values, the world will define them for you. And you will wake up one day living someone else's life. So here's an action step that you can take. Write down your three values.

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Not the ones that sound impressive. The ones that actually feel true. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. This is the first battle. Face the truth. Then there's I. Identify the noise. Now, once you know what matters, you have to protect it. And that means step two, cut the noise. Every unnecessary decision you make is draining your energy.

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Every useless notification, every random scroll, every email that doesn't matter, it's stealing your ability to focus. I talked about this in last week's episode. Roy Baumeister proved it. Every decision you make depletes your willpower. And by the time you get to the things that actually matter, you're exhausted.

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And if you're not intentional, if you don't take back control, if you don't make the conscious choice to fight back, you'll wake up one day wondering, How did I even get here? Nearly everyone believes that success, productivity, and achievement are what drive us forward.

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so what are you going to do about it your brain is a weapon but only if you stop letting distractions hijack it so here's an action step you can take identify one just one distraction that you will eliminate today you want to get your power back start here take your attention back and this leads us to g grow through discomfort okay so now you've cleared out the distractions

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Great, but here's where most people quit. Because let's be real, growth isn't fun, it's uncomfortable, it's messy, it's hard. And this leads us to step three, do the hard thing. Angela Duckworth's research proves it. The number one predictor of success is not talent, it's grit. And grit isn't built by doing the hard things when you don't feel like it.

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You don't grow in the easy moments, you grow when it sucks. So here's an action step. Pick one thing you've been avoiding and do it today. If it makes you uncomfortable, good. That's where the magic happens. And this leads us to H, harness inner strength. All right, here's where everything starts to click. Step four, find your reason for being.

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Because if you don't have a reason for what you're doing, you will burn out. This is where ikigai comes in. In Japan, ikigai means reason for being. Studies show that people who have ikigai live longer, are happier, and have more resilience. The happiest, most fulfilled people aren't the richest or most successful. They're the ones who are living in alignment with what actually matters to them.

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But purpose isn't found. It's chosen. And here's an action step you can take. Ask yourself, if I had to spend the rest of my life doing one thing that truly mattered to me, what would it be? Stop waiting to feel ready. Pick something, commit to it, and build your life around what actually fuels you. And then lastly, T, take daily action. The final step, and this is where most people get it wrong,

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They think purpose is a one-time decision. No, it's a daily choice. Step five, repeat every single day. This is not a one-time choice. This is not something that you do just once and forget about it. Neuroscience proves it. Your brain is constantly rewiring itself. Every time that you choose meaning over distraction, the neural pathway gets stronger.

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We've built our lives around the idea that if we just do more, earn more, and achieve more, we'll finally feel happy and fulfilled. But the truth? The harder we push ourselves to achieve, the more disconnected we become. From ourselves, from others, and from the world around us. The problem isn't that we're striving for success.

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Over time, purpose and focus stop being a struggle. They become second nature. Your soul isn't won in a single moment. It's won through thousands of small intentional choices. So here's an action step. Set a non-negotiable five-minute action you will take every day. No excuses. You don't wait to feel ready. You act and the motivation follows. And here's a final challenge.

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What will you fight for today? So now you have the battle plan. You know how this fight works. The question is, are you actually going to step into it? Because this isn't just about knowing the information. This isn't just about understanding why you've been stuck. This is about what you do next. So here's the deal. We've walked through the entire FITE framework.

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This battle, it's not just about productivity, success, or focus. It's deeper than that. It's about your soul. And this isn't a new fight. This has been the struggle for generations. Even Jesus warned us about it in Matthew 16, 26. What do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your own soul? Think about that. You can have it all.

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Status, money, success. But if you lose your soul, your very self in the process, what's the point? That's why this fight matters. Because the world will pull you in a thousand directions. It will sell you on distractions. It will make you believe that chasing more is the goal. But Jesus makes it clear. It's your soul that's at stake. So here's my challenge to you.

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What's one thing, one thing you will fight for today? What's one step that you will take right now? Because this is your life, your work, your purpose, and it's waiting for you to take action. Make the choice, take the step, start the fight because your soul is worth it. And that's a wrap on today's episode. But listen, this isn't just another podcast you can tune into and forget about.

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You're here because you're ready to take action. You're ready to fight for what truly matters. And that fires me up. If this episode sparked something in you, if it made you pause and rethink what you're chasing, don't let it stop here. Here's what you can do right now. Leave a five-star review. It takes 30 seconds, and it helps bring this message to the people who need it most.

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But more importantly, share this episode. Think about someone who needs to hear this. A friend, a colleague, a family member. Be the one who helps them take that first step. Want to go even deeper? I don't just talk about these ideas on the podcast. I bring them to teams, leaders, and organizations around the world.

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If today's conversation hit home and you think your group could benefit, let's connect. Through keynotes, workshops, and events, I help ignite purpose, focus, and intentionality where it matters most. Head over to johnrmiles.com speaking to learn more.

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It's that we've lost the foundation that makes success meaningful, our sense of mattering. Without it, success becomes hollow. Productivity becomes burnout. Achievement becomes meaningless.

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Next week, I am sitting down with Ethan Cross, who I mentioned earlier in the episode, one of the world's leading experts on the science of self-talk. We're diving into his new book, Shift. And trust me, this is a conversation that will change the way you think about the voice inside your head.

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Here's the deal. You're not just consuming content when you're listening to this podcast. You're investing in yourself. And that's what PassionStruck is all about. So take what you've learned today, apply it, and keep showing up for yourself because no one else can do that for you. And remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you got value, share it, post it, text it, email it.

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Get it into the hands of someone who needs it. Until next time, keep chasing the stuff that matters. Keep taking bold steps, and as always, live life passion-struck.

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and that's exactly why we need to have this conversation right now this brings us to the biggest lie we've been sold we've been told that success equals fulfillment that if we just chase the promotion make more money achieve more be more do more if we check all the right boxes if we gain the whole world we'll finally feel like we've made it

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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let's get real how many people do you know who have it all and yet still feel empty we're achieving but we're not fulfilled we're successful on the outside but lost on the inside and here's a truth bomb for you success without meaning is just distraction dressed up as achievement and that brings me to something that hit me hard last week

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I was sitting in Countryside Church in Clearwater on Sunday, listening to a sermon series on things worth fighting for. And at first, I'm just there, you know, taking it like usual. And then, bam! Something hit me so hard, I felt like the pastor was speaking directly to me. You know that moment when something just smacks you in the face, It makes you think, oh crap, I need to hear this.

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That was me. What hit me hard? The pastor was talking about what's worth fighting for. And I started to think about it. We fight for so many things in life. We fight for success. We fight to be liked. We fight to keep up. But do we ever stop and ask ourselves, what is actually worth fighting for? And then it hit me. There is nothing more worth fighting for than your soul. Nothing.

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Because if we don't fight for our souls, we're giving them away, piece by piece, moment by moment, to things that don't even matter. And I know I'm not the only one who needs to hear this. Let's get brutally honest right now. How many of you feel like you're just going through the motions? Like you're doing everything right on paper, but deep down, you feel off?

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Like life is happening to you instead of you actually living it. That's when I knew I had to talk about this. Because if you're not actively fighting for your soul, you are losing it. So let's get real. How do we lose the fight for our souls? And more importantly, how do we take it back? We're breaking it down next.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. Let's talk about how we lose the fight for our souls because it's happening every single day. And the worst part, most of us don't even see it. We don't wake up one day and suddenly feel like we've lost ourselves.

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It happens slowly, one distraction at a time, one compromise at a time. one excuse at a time. Until, before we even realize it, we've drifted so far from who we truly are that we don't even recognize ourselves anymore. I know this because it happened to me. I didn't wake up one day and suddenly feel lost. That's not how disconnection works.

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It's not some dramatic moment where alarms go off and flashing lights warn you, hey, you're losing yourself. No. Disconnection is quiet. It's subtle. It creeps in. At first, you barely even notice it. And then, one day, you wake up and it's everywhere. That's exactly what happened to me. I had just stepped into a bigger role, a job that felt more like climbing Everest than a promotion.

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I was now responsible for overseeing a $1.3 billion budget. leading teams responsible for software development, innovation, and data architecture. It was the kind of job that demanded everything and left nothing behind. But this isn't just about my role, and that's not why I'm talking about it. It's about yours too.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey there, PassionStruck fam. Welcome to episode 567. I am so fired up you're here.

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Maybe you're the call center worker fielding yet another angry customer, or the nurse finishing a double shift, your feet aching from hours on the floor. Maybe you're the professor standing before a lecture hall, wondering if your words will ever make a difference, or the parent juggling deadlines and dinner, barely catching your breath before the next demand.

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Whatever your world looks like, maybe you know the feeling, the grind, the endless push to do more, be more, deliver more, until one day the work that once gave you purpose, start stealing pieces of you instead. At first, I thought I was fine. I was too busy putting out fires, building strategies, and convincing myself that this was just the cost of being successful. I poured myself into my work.

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I showed up early. I stayed late. I measured my worth and emails answered and projects completed. But slowly, the cracks began to show. The work that used to energize me now felt like it was draining me dry. The spark.

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once had for my career for my life was fading and it wasn't just at work the disconnection followed me home my kids nine and three at the time were full of life but i was too drained to notice i'd sit with them on the couch physically present but emotionally miles away and even when i was with them my mind was still at work scrolling through the to-do list and unfinished tasks

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looking back i can see it for what it was a quiet unraveling of my soul and here's the truth if you're not actively fighting for your soul you're giving it away piece by piece to things that don't even matter and that's exactly how it happens this is how we lose the fight for our souls not all at once but slowly quietly without realizing it and the first way we lose it through constant distraction

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We are more distracted than at any other point in human history. We wake up and immediately check our phones. We scroll mindlessly. We fill every second of silence with noise. And because we're constantly plugged into the world, we become disconnected from ourselves. Did you know that the average person spends over seven hours a day on screens?

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Yet we say we don't have time to think, reflect, or do the things that truly matter. But here's the real wake-up call. Distraction isn't just taking your time. It's stealing your clarity. It's making you numb. It's keeping you too busy to notice. that you're losing yourself. And this isn't just my opinion.

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In episode 301, I spoke with Dr. Gloria Mark, a Chancellor's Professor of Informatics at the University of California, Irvine, and one of the world's leading experts on attention. And what she shared with me, it will change the way you see your own mind. I asked Gloria, why is it that we often feel like we're in control of our lives in the physical world, but not in the digital world?

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And Gloria answered me, that's such a great question. There are different kinds of attention. Controlled attention is when you're goal-directed, like if you're writing. Your attention is focused on the task. But then there's automatic attention, which is outside of your control. This is what happens when a notification pops up and an ad flashes on your screen. You can't help but react.

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And the problem? Our attention during the day is a mix of both. We think we're in control, but the truth is, we're being pulled in a thousand directions, often without even realizing it. And this is exactly the problem. We think we're in control, but we're not. Every time you get a notification, a blinking light, or a targeted ad, your attention shifts automatically.

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And before you even know it, you're scrolling through something that wasn't even important. It's not just distraction. It's design. The digital world is built to still your focus, not to help you keep it. And let me give you a real example of how deep this goes. When I was the chief digital officer at Catalina Marketing, we partnered with Nielsen to track shopping behaviors and attention patterns.

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Whether you've been with me for a while or this is your first time, this space is all about you. It's where we take on big ideas, make bold moves, and create lives that truly matter. If you're new here, let me just say, welcome to the family. We've got over 560 episodes packed with inspiration and actionable advice, and I know it can be hard to figure out where to start.

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And let me tell you, what we were able to do should scare you. We could track when you were sitting at home watching TV. We could match. what commercials you were seeing with what products you were browsing online. We could dynamically insert an ad onto your phone at that exact moment to grab your attention. This is how intrusive the digital world has become.

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Every single day, companies are fighting for your attention. And if you don't fight back, they win. But here's the thing. This isn't just about digital distractions. Distractions show up in other ways too. They show up when we numb ourselves with busyness. They show up when we fill every minute of our day with obligations that aren't even ours to carry.

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They show up when we make ourselves so busy meeting everyone else's expectations that we have no time left for what actually matters to us. And this is where people-pleasing sneaks in, because sometimes the biggest distraction isn't digital, it's the distraction of constantly trying to prove ourselves.

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We aren't just handing over our attention to algorithms, we're handing over our identity to other people's opinions. We say yes when we really mean no. We chase likes, approval, and validation instead of chasing what actually matters. We mold ourselves into the version of us that feels the safest, the one that won't be judged, won't be rejected, and won't be too much.

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We don't even realize we're doing it until one day we wake up and wonder, Who am I even doing this for? That's exactly what we're breaking down next. So here's the real question. Who are you actually living for? Are you living for yourself or for everyone else's approval? Are you making decisions based on what you want or based on what will make people like you, accept you, and validate you?

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Because here's the hard truth. You are sacrificing who you truly are to become who the world wants you to be. And every time you do this, you lose a piece of your soul. Not in one big dramatic moment, but in a thousand tiny ways every single day. And most of the time, we don't even realize we're doing it. It happens in the little things.

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Saying yes to something just because you don't want to disappoint someone. Changing your opinion because you don't want to start an argument. Hiding parts of yourself because you don't want to be judged. holding back from doing something you actually want to do because you're afraid of what people will think. And just like that, piece by piece, you trade your authenticity for approval.

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And this is exactly what Dr. Ethan Cross, one of the world's leading experts on self-talk and emotional control, has studied. I spoke with Ethan about this in episode 245, and one of the most powerful things he told me was this. The way we talk to ourselves shapes the way we show up in the world.

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He shared how our inner voice, the voice in our head that narrates our life, can either be our biggest coach or our worst enemy. Here's what Ethan told me. The things that people say to themselves in their worst moments, if you actually wrote them down and read them out loud, you'd be shocked.

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You'd never dream of saying those things to another human being, and yet we say them to ourselves all the time. And that hit me so hard. Think about it. When you say yes to something you don't want to do, what's the voice in your head saying? Is it saying, I should do this so they like me? I don't want to disappoint them? If I say no, they'll be mad at me? That's people-pleasing at its core.

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That's why we've curated episode starter packs, curated playlists to help you dive into topics like mindset, resilience, alternative health, and leadership. You can find them at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or on Spotify.

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That's giving away your power to someone else's approval. And here's where things get even bigger. Ethan told me that the way we talk to ourselves isn't random. It's learned. It comes from years of conditioning. Years of thinking that we have to please everyone. Years of believing that our worth is tied to what other people think of us.

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Ethan told me that we have this toolbox of skills inside of us, but most people don't even realize that they have them. Instead, we default to negative self-talk, thinking we have no control over our emotions. And that's exactly why we struggle with people-pleasing, because deep down, our inner voice is still trying to prove that we're good enough. And here's the wake-up call.

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Are you living for you? Or are you living for everyone else's approval? And if this resonated with you, guess what? Ethan Cross is coming back on the show next week to talk about his brand new book, Shift, where we're going to go even deeper into how to control your emotions, silence negative self-talk, and take back your power. But here's the thing.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck, have you ever looked at your calendar and realized your time is maxed out, but what's really gone is your energy? In this episode, I'm flipping the script on performance because in the age of burnout, it's not just about how much you get done. It's about how well you protect the one resource everything else depends on, your energy.

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But first, a quick break. All right, welcome back to PassionStruck. Now let's talk about something that's become the default mode in modern life, overexposure. No boundaries, constant input, zero recovery time. You're not just working, you're always on. Even if you're not clocked in, your brain is still spinning, managing logistics, scanning notifications, anticipating what's next.

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This one's sneaky. It often looks like being responsible. helpful, informed. You answer emails at dinner. You keep up with every update. You scroll as a way to decompress, but never actually disconnect. The result? You lose your inner signal. You stop hearing your own instincts. You start reacting instead of responding. You're constantly absorbing without a moment to process.

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And whether you're leading a company, raising kids, managing a classroom, or building a brand, this kind of input overload wears down your clarity and your creativity. Because here's what no one teaches us. We weren't designed for 24 by 7 stimulus. Our nervous system needs space. Our minds, they need pause and our energy needs boundaries.

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And when you live without that, you become like an open browser with a hundred tabs running. No filter, no buffer, just noise. The fix isn't locking yourself away or disappearing for a week. It's creating intentional space inside your day. White space, transition space. moments of silence, not as luxury, but as strategy. Because clarity doesn't shout, it whispers.

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And now it's also the home of our brand new merchandise line, gear designed to reflect the PassionStruck mindset. You can check it all out at theignitedlife.net, or of course, you can go to passionstruck.com. And if you haven't yet, head over to our YouTube channel. We're posting full episodes, exclusive clips, and behind-the-scenes content every week.

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And you won't hear it until you make room for it. And finally, one of the most draining patterns I see in people who care deeply is over-responsibility. And over-responsibility isn't about control. It's about compassion that quietly turns into burden. You sense tension in the room and immediately feel like it's your job to fix it.

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You absorb the stress of your coworkers, your family, your friends, without stopping to ask, is this actually mine to carry? You lie awake at night, not just thinking about your to-do list. what about everyone else's too? And here's what that does to your energy. It depletes you in ways no task list ever could. Because emotional labor might be invisible, but it's heavy.

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And when you carry what isn't yours, here's the risk. You're not helping, you're enabling. You're stepping in where you were never meant to stay. And in the process, you're shrinking under the weight of everyone else's expectations, emotions, and unresolved tension. This doesn't just affect leaders.

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It affects parents, partners, caregivers, teammates, anyone who's had to take responsibility for the well-being of others. But here's the truth. Care is powerful, but without boundaries, it becomes self-erasure. Leadership, whether it's at work, at home, or in your community, isn't about martyrdom.

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It's about discernment, knowing what's yours, what's shared, and what needs to be handed back with compassion and trust. So let's zoom out. These four patterns over-functioning, over-identifying, over-exposure, and over-responsibility aren't failures. They're survival strategies. They're ways we try to stay in control, stay valuable, stay safe. But the cost is clarity, creativity, capacity,

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connection, and ultimately your ability to show up in the world from a place of strength, not strain. So here's the reflection I want to leave you with. Where are you leaking energy right now? Which one of these patterns feels the most familiar? Because once you name the drain, you can start to reclaim the flow. So we've gone through a lot in today's episode.

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So what do we do with all this information? We've named the drains. We've exposed the invisible costs. Now it's time to rewrite the playbook because the traditional productivity model, it's outdated. It's obsessed with volume without asking about viability. It rewards activity over alignment. But here's what high performers actually need. A shift from time-based ROI to energy-based ROI.

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And that means reframing productivity as a function of emotional clarity. So if you don't understand that, let me explain. You can have all the time in the world, but if your inner world is cluttered, reactive, or exhausted, The output won't land, the decisions won't stick, and the traction won't hold. So what should we actually be measuring?

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Let me offer three core metrics that matter if you're serious about energy return on investment. The first is clarity to output ratio. Ask yourself, how much of my work is generated from clarity versus chaos. When you make decisions from a grounded state, not panic or pressure, you avoid rework. You avoid regret. One aligned decision saves hours of cleanup. This is why white space isn't lazy.

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Just search Hash Instruct with John R. Miles on YouTube or hit the link in the show notes. And before we dive in, one quick look ahead. Next month, we're opening a new theme here on Passion Struck, the art of connection. I'll be exploring how we build meaningful relationships in our leadership, our lives, and our inner world.

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It's leverage. The next one is simple but powerful. Emotional margin is your buffer. It's the space between what hits you and how you respond. Without it, you react. You firefight. You spiral. With it, you stay grounded. You choose your response. You lead with intention. It's what keeps a hard conversation from becoming a meltdown. It's what turns a bad day into a blip instead of a breakdown.

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And in high stakes roles. This isn't a luxury, it's leadership hygiene. If your emotional margin is gone, it doesn't matter how smart or skilled you are, you're flying with no altitude and eventually you'll crash. And then lastly, let's talk about decisions that feel right, not just look good on paper, because when a choice really resonates, You don't have to over-explain it.

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You don't have to spend the next three days second-guessing it. It holds up, even under pressure. But when it doesn't, you can feel the friction. You justify it. You tweak it. You scramble to make it work. That's energy you never get back. Dr. Andrew Brodsky brought this up when he joined me earlier this week.

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How giving people mental space and decision ownership leads to better outcomes, not just more productivity, better clarity, more creativity, and less burnout. It's why I term the phrase gardener leader. So here's the pivot. Stop asking, how much can I do? Start asking, what creates the most impact per unit of energy?

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Because when you shift that question, your decisions change, your strategy changes, You change. Return on energy isn't soft. It becomes your edge. So let's land with something tactical. Because awareness is great, but what changes the game is how you move. Let's talk about energy investments, not productivity hacks, not five-minute fixes. I'm talking about practices that protect your capacity.

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Here are five that I use and that I've seen transform how top performers stay grounded, clear, and energized. Let's start with the one most of us ignore, scheduling time for nothing. No meetings, no input, just space to process, reflect, and reset. This isn't wasted time. It's thinking time. And honestly, most of your best ideas... They don't happen in the meeting. They happen between them.

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Give your mind room to breathe, and your strategy will follow. Now, once you've created some breathing room, here's the next move. Don't carry it all alone. Think of this as emotional hygiene. Just like you brush your teeth or stretch after a workout, this is how you clear emotional buildup before it turns into burnout. Because whether you lead a team, a family, a classroom,

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And we're kicking it off with none other than Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn in a powerful conversation on presence, attention, and the heart of human connection. Now this month, we've been honoring mental health awareness by shifting the conversation, not just talking about mental illness, but exploring what it really takes to design a mentally sustainable life.

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or just your own ambitious life, your nervous system affects everyone around you. If you're off balance, that energy ripples out. So build in places to reset. That might be a coach, a therapist, a mentor, a partner, or a trusted friend who sees the real you No armor required. Dr. Joseph put it powerfully. Suppressing emotion might look composed, but it's a shortcut to depletion.

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Emotional presence, that's what keeps you grounded, focused, and able to sustain the pace without losing yourself in it. So now that we've looked inward, let's look at what's coming at you. Because for most of us, the problem isn't doing too little. It's trying to do everything. with no filter. That's where boundaries come in. Not as walls, but as bandwidth protectors.

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You can't do deep work in six-minute increments between meetings. So treat your time like it's energy, because it is. Block your mornings. Shut down earlier. Build in buffer zones between your calls so you actually arrive with presence. Boundaries aren't rigid. They're respectful of your mind, your energy, and your mission.

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So next up, let's go a little bit more personal because clarity doesn't show up on demand. It needs a rhythm, a ritual. So ask yourself, what helps you hear yourself again? For me, it's a morning walk without my phone. For others, it might be journaling. But here's a simple framework you can use weekly. Think about what drained me? What fueled me? What do I want to do differently?

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Just those three questions answered consistently can shift you from pinball into intentional leadership. It's not just about overhauling your life. It's about building in checkpoints with yourself. When we talk about energy, we often forget the most literal part of it. If your output feels flat, scattered, or forced, it might not be about your schedule. It might be about your inputs.

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In a world obsessed with doing, we forget that energy isn't just drained, it's also generated. And one of the most sustainable sources of energy is meaningful input. Not doom scrolling, not passive content consumption, but things that genuinely nourish your curiosity, your perspective, and your sense of self. Think, reading something that isn't for work, but stirs something in you.

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Listening to a podcast that expands your thinking. Creating something just for the joy of it. Having conversations that make you feel more like you. This isn't about optimizing downtime. It's about staying connected to what lights you up so your energy has somewhere to return to. Because here's the truth, you can't keep pouring it out if you're never pouring it in.

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So ask yourself, what kind of input leaves you feeling more human? That's your fuel. Make time for it. So let's bring today's episode full circle. Back to Joseph Wynn. Back to the quiet erosion under all the success. He wasn't burned out from doing too little. He was exhausted from carrying too much weight. of what wasn't his, from judging every thought, from performing his way through pain.

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I kicked it off with episode 606, exploring why mental health is the quiet root beneath everything that matters. Then in episode 609, I shared five foundational habits that anchor you in uncertainty. In episode 612, we explored the power of reframing your inner world using the lens method and how the stories you tell yourself can either sabotage or sustain your resilience.

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And the breakthrough didn't come from a better system or another tool. It came from reclaiming his energy from the inside out. It came from realizing this. You don't scale your life by squeezing more in. You scale it by leaking less. That's why this shift matters. Because the truth is, your mind knows what matters, but your energy, that's what actually builds it.

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And if you're constantly operating at capacity, reacting from depletion, running on borrowed bandwidth, your ideas don't get sharper. They get stuck. Your vision doesn't expand. It shrinks. And the future you're building, it starts to blur. So here's the invitation I want to leave with you. I'm going to give you a simple but powerful prompt.

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If I had just 10% more clean energy every day, what would I redirect it towards? Now ask yourself, what decisions would get easier? Would you finally finish that project? Would you show up more present at home? Would you lead with clarity instead of control? Your answers to these questions will show you where to start because protecting your energy isn't a luxury. It's leadership hygiene.

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And it's the future of meaningful productivity. And that's a wrap. If this episode sparks something for you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. Someone who carries more than they show. Someone who needs the reminder. Energy is not unlimited, but it is reclaimable.

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For more tools like this, don't forget to subscribe to The Ignited Life, our weekly substack with stories, frameworks, and tools designed to help you live a life that reflects who you are. Check out our YouTube channel for full interviews, behind-the-scenes content, and exclusive leadership insights. And yes, we've got merch, gear that reflects the mindset of living passion struck.

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You can find it at passionstruck.com. And as we wrap Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to thank you for being part of this journey. Every episode this month was designed to build towards something deeper, not just managing life, but living it with integrity and alignment. And starting next week, we open a new chapter. Our theme for June is the art of connection.

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And we're starting where all real connection begins, with presence. Jon Kabat-Zinn joins me next Tuesday for a beautiful grounded conversation on attention, awareness, and what it means to truly be with the people and moments that matter.

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Until then, notice more, connect with what's real, and live life passion-struck.

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And in last week's solo episode, I introduced the HOME Framework, a new way to think about mental health as an ecosystem, not just as a checklist. Our guest episodes this week took it even deeper. On Tuesday, Dr. Judith Joseph joined me to unpack high functioning depression and how even the most driven achievers can be silently unraveling inside.

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Then on Thursday, Dr. Andrew Brodsky explored the psychology of modern work and how our environments quietly shape our energy, focus, and stress. And today we're bringing all of it home with a question that matters to anyone navigating a high demand life. What's the real return on your energy? Because here's the truth most of us never stop to consider. Mental energy is your most valuable resource.

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If you've been running at full capacity, but still feeling drained, this one's for you. We're talking return on energy and why it might be the most overlooked metric in your life and leadership. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles.

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more than time, more than tactics, more than sheer willpower. And if you're not measuring it, protecting it, and designing your life around it, you're silently losing return on investment you can't afford to ignore. This episode is the capstone to to everything we've explored this month on mental sustainability, not just in leadership, but in life.

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Whether you're leading a company, raising a family, pursuing a big vision, or simply trying to stay grounded in a world that pulls you in 100 directions, today's episode is for you. Because if you want to sustain your impact, your presence, and your purpose, you have to scale your capacity. And that begins with how you manage your energy.

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This is about rethinking burnout, productivity, and performance through one powerful lens, return on energy. Let's get into it. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. Today, I want to talk about a recent guest, Joseph Wynn.

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And when Joseph sat across from me, he looked like someone who had it all figured out. I mean, he's a number one New York Times bestselling author. By every external measure, he was thriving, a corporate career, productivity dialed in, a library of self-help practices, and a therapist on speed dial. But as he told me, there was a moment where it all cracked open.

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Not in a dramatic, rock bottom kind of way, but in a slow, invisible erosion. He was showing up, getting things done, doing all the right things. But inside, he felt numb. Anxiety hummed under the surface. Achievements felt hollow. He was exhausted, not from doing too much, but from being at war with himself.

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I didn't realize how much energy I was spending, Joseph told me, just trying to fix what I thought was wrong with me. The turning point didn't come from more effort. It came from letting go of the mental war, from seeing his thoughts, not as truth, but as patterns. From reclaiming the emotional energy he had unknowingly invested into shame, overthinking, and self-judgment.

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And that's the moment everything shifted. He wrote about it in Don't Believe Everything You Think, and it resonated with millions because so many high achievers live in the exact trap. They look fine. They perform well. But under the surface, they're bleeding energy into stories that drain them. That conversation hit me deeply because I've been there too.

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And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays.

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Years ago, I had what I now call a visionary arsonist moment. I looked around and realized I was building things that didn't reflect who I was. I was producing, leading, succeeding, but I was burning through energy at a rate that wasn't sustainable. Not because I lacked discipline, but because I was betraying parts of myself every day in the name of optics, outcomes, and external expectations.

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It cost me in focus, in clarity, in creativity, And for CEOs, founders, leaders, and even parents, it's an especially quiet erosion. You don't just manage tasks. You manage people, vision, culture, and care. And when your inner world is in tension, every external decision becomes harder. It becomes slower. It becomes heavier. That's why this episode matters.

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Because the greatest loss and burnout isn't time. It's energy. And until you start noticing that loss, not in hours, but in how you feel. You can't begin to shift it. So today, I'm going to unpack something that affects all of us. Whether you're running a business, caring for others, or simply trying to stay steady in a world that moves fast. I'll redefine ROI.

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not just as a return on investment, but as a return on energy. We'll explore the four most common ways we leak energy without realizing it. And I'll walk through a framework for making decisions, building habits, and living in a way that protects your inner reserves. Because when your energy is intact, your clarity sharpens, your presence deepens, and everything you do carries more weight.

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Joseph Wynn's story isn't rare. It's the invisible erosion happening inside boardrooms, startups, studios, classrooms, and living rooms every day. And the reason it's so hard to name is because we've never been taught to measure energy. So let's start with a hard truth. Most high performers don't burn out from doing too little. They burn out from doing too much of what quietly costs them.

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It's easy to measure your schedule, your output, your accomplishments. That's traditional ROI, return on investment. You pour in time, money, attention, and you measure what comes out, results, recognition, awards, reach. But what we rarely measure and what matters most in the long game is return on energy. So that begs these questions. How much clarity do you get for the energy you spend?

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How much alignment exists between what you do and what fuels you? And how many decisions are made from your center versus from exhaustion, fear, or people pleasing? This is the real cost center that's killing performance. And for many high performers, especially executive founders and creators, it's invisible.

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Dr. Judith Joseph, who joined me earlier this week, calls it high-functioning depression. And here's what makes it so dangerous. You still perform. You still lead meetings, hit deadlines, close deals, spend time with your kids and family. But inside, the lights are dimming. You're exhausted. disconnected and hollowed out, but no one can see it because the output is still there.

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And because you're still performing, the world keeps rewarding you for the very behaviors that are draining you. You're praised for being on top of it when internally you're spinning. You're seen as resilient when what you're really doing is suppressing. You're labeled high capacity. when what you really are is at capacity. Here's what it looks like in real life.

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We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey everyone, and welcome to episode 618. I am so grateful you're here, investing in your growth, your healing, and your pursuit of a life that truly matters.

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Decision fatigue that hits earlier and earlier because your mental bandwidth is already stretched thin. Hyper responsibility that leads to over-managing. not from control, but from quiet fear of things falling apart. Emotional suppression in the name of staying strong, which slowly numbs your intuition and creativity.

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And then people pleasing disguised as support while your own needs get pushed to the bottom of the list. all of this erodes clarity and when clarity drops everything becomes more expensive not in dollars but in energy your conversations get harder your decisions get slower your ability to adapt shrinks not because you lack time but because you lack internal space that's the paradox

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we're often least aware of the cost we can't see because most of us weren't trained to measure everything except the one thing that drives it all, our capacity to show up without self-abandoning. So let me offer a reframe. Not all time is equal and neither is energy. An hour spent in alignment is worth 10 spent in survival mode.

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A decision made from inner clarity ripples outward, saving time, tension, and emotional fallout. The future of sustainable performance, whether in leadership, parenting, caregiving, or creative work, isn't about doing more. It's about protecting the capacity to be fully present in the things that matter most. Because when your energy is leaking, everything feels heavier. Your relationships suffer.

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Your health suffers. Your sense of purpose dims. And eventually, so does your impact on others. That's why return on energy is the metric we need to start tracking. Not just how much you're doing, but what it's really costing you. So if your team feels stuck, your vision feels foggy, where your fire is fading, don't just push harder. You might be leaking energy in ways you haven't even yet seen.

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Coming up, I'm going to unpack the four most common energy drains and show you how to stop the quiet leak before it becomes a full collapse. So let's now talk about where energy really gets lost, not in dramatic breakdowns, but in subtle, familiar patterns. The ones we normalize, the ones we carry quietly because we think they're just part of being responsible, driven, or strong.

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They don't show up as red flags. They show up as late night emails, overbooked calendars, always saying yes and never really resting. But these patterns, they're draining you slowly, invisibly, and every single day. So if energy is the real currency of your life, not just your work, where's yours going? Because most of us aren't losing energy in obvious places.

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We're leaking it in four core patterns that feel normal until they don't. Patterns we've internalized so deeply We don't even question them. We just push through until something gives. Let me walk you through each one and see if any of them sound a little too familiar. We'll start with the one I know intimately, over-functioning. It sounds like this. I just need to push a little harder.

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If I don't do it, Who will? I can't stop now. It all depends on me. It's this reflexive drive to keep doing, solving, fixing, even when what's really needed is to pause, reflect, or ask for help. And here's where Dr. Joseph's insight on high-functioning depression really lands. People who seem the most together, the helpers, the achievers,

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The ones everyone counts on are often praised for behaviors that are actually signs of depletion. They show up, they deliver, they lead, but under the surface, they're running on fumes and no one sees it because the output is still there. You show up early, you stay late, you keep all the plates spinning, and the world calls you driven. But inside...

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Whether you're building a company, healing from burnout, or simply trying to reconnect with who you are, this is the place where we explore the mindset, habits, and systems that support lasting transformation. Now, a few quick updates. The Ignited Life, my new sub stack, is now live. Each week in it, I go beyond the podcast, sharing tools, stories, and reflections you won't find anywhere else.

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you're spinning because it's not just the workload, it's the emotional cost of trying to carry it all. And I'll be honest, I've been there. For years, I was over-functioning as a way to outrun self-doubt. I thought if I could just do enough, achieve enough, stay busy enough, I'd be okay. But here's the truth I learned. You can't outrun what's inside you by over-delivering outside you.

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Eventually, something gives. And this leads us to the second drain, over-identification. It sounds like ambition. It looks like commitment. But here's what's really happening. Your sense of self starts to fuse with your output. A good result means you're good. A setback Suddenly it feels like you are the failure. You hit a goal and it feels like a rush of worthiness.

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You miss it and you question your value. This is one of the quietest, most accepted energy leaks in modern life. especially in a culture obsessed with productivity, achievement, and optics. And here's why it's so draining. Because you're not just doing the work, you're constantly trying to earn your sense of enoughness through it.

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So every choice feels loaded, every risk feels personal, and every mistake feels like proof you're falling short. This isn't about lowering your standards or caring less. It's about remembering you are not your grades. You are not your promotion. You are not your parenting on a hard day. You're a human and your value doesn't disappear when your output dips.

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Resilience starts when we stop making performance the mirror of our identity and start reclaiming the space to just be without performing for our worth. Now, a quick pause before we go further. If today's episode is landing and you're seeing some of your own patterns here, stay with me. We've got two more energy drains to cover, and the next one might be the one we've normalized most.

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Coming up next on PassionStruck, as Thanksgiving kicks off the holiday season filled with shopping sprees and Black Friday deals, have you stopped to think about what true wealth really means? It's not about what you own, but how you connect with others and experience joy. In last week's episode, we uncovered the healing power of gratitude and its ability to shift our perspectives.

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The Who's unwavering connection to each other reveals that community is not just a source of comfort, but a source of strength. Relationships remind us that we're not alone. offering encouragement and perspective when we need them most. Purpose also plays a critical role in how psychological wealth helps us endure hardships.

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For the Grinch, his newfound purpose of contributing to the Hugh community gives him direction and fulfillment, transforming his bitterness into joy. Purpose reminds us of the bigger picture. helping us stay grounded and focused even when life feels uncertain. Decades of research echo these truths.

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Studies show that individuals who reflect on the positive aspects of their lives during stressful situations experience lower levels of anxiety and depression. Gratitude and strong relationships are central to this resilience, creating a mindset that fosters growth even in the face of difficulty. Psychological wealth doesn't shield us from hardship, but it equips us to cope and grow through it.

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Like the Grinch, we're not immune to life's challenges, but we can choose how we respond. By nurturing gratitude, cultivating strong connections, and living with purpose, we develop the inner resources needed to thrive no matter what life throws our way. As we build this internal richness, we create a foundation that sustains us. far beyond life's fleeting highs and inevitable lows.

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The Grinch's transformation is a testament to the enduring strength of psychological wealth and the profound growth it makes possible. As we've seen throughout today's episode, psychological wealth is what truly sustains us through life's challenges. Now, let's shift from understanding psychological wealth to building it in our own lives. Inspired by The Grinch's journey, here are

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are five actionable practices you can use to cultivate greater fulfillment and resilience this holiday season and beyond. As I've discussed today, the Grinch's transformation begins when he witnesses the who's joy despite the loss of the material possessions. This pivotal moment teaches us that true wealth lies in our perspective, not in our possessions.

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So here's an actionable idea, the Grinch Challenge. For one week, commit to finding joy in situations you typically find frustrating. When stuck in traffic, appreciate the extra time to listen to a podcast. When plans fall through, see it as an opportunity for spontaneity. At the end of each day, reflect on how this shift in perspective affected your mood and interactions.

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The impact of this is that this practice trains your brain to seek positivity, build resilience, and emotional wealth that can sustain you through life's ups and downs. Second, cultivate community connection. As we've shown today, the Grinch's heart grows when he's welcomed into the Hughes community, showing that genuine connections are the foundation of psychological wealth.

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So here's an actionable idea. Whoville gatherings. Organize monthly community potlucks where neighbors bring dishes and share stories. Create a skill exchange where community members teach each other something new. The goal is to foster the kind of inclusive, supportive community that transformed the Grinch.

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The impact of this is that strong community ties provide a safety net during tough times and a source of joy during good ones. significantly boosting overall well-being and resilience. The third thing that we can do is to practice radical kindness. The Who's kindness towards the Grinch, even after his attempt to ruin their holiday, demonstrates the transformative power of unconditional goodwill.

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So here's an actionable idea. The three times rule. Commit to responding with kindness in situations where you'd normally react negatively. Do this three times more than feels natural. If someone cuts you off in traffic instead of honking, wish them a safe journey. If a colleague is curt, respond with warmth. Here's the impact.

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This practice not only improves your relationships, but also rewires your brain to default to kindness, reducing stress and increasing your own happiness. The fourth actionable practice that we can undertake is to find purpose beyond possessions. The Grinch's revelation that maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store is a powerful reminder to seek meaning beyond material wealth.

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So here's an actionable idea. The Gift Presents Project. Instead of buying gifts, create personalized presents vouchers for loved ones. These could be promises to spend quality time together, like a nature walk, a home-cooked meal, or simply an afternoon of undivided attention. Here's the important impact from doing this.

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Heather shared her incredible insights on the power of mindset, how to break through self-imposed limits, and how small shifts in thinking can lead to extraordinary outcomes. Her approach to overcoming challenges and achieving personal excellence is truly inspiring. You don't want to miss it.

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This shifts the focus from accumulating things to creating meaningful experiences, fostering deeper connections and lasting memories. And the last actionable idea from today's episode is to embrace personal growth. The Grinch's journey from isolation to community involvement shows that it's never too late to change and grow. So here's the actionable idea, the growth carving ritual.

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Just as the Grinch carved the roast beast, carve out time each week for personal growth. Learn a new skill, read a challenging book, or have a conversation with someone whose views differ from yours. Document your journey of growth. Here's the impact. This commitment to continuous learning and self-improvement builds adaptability and confidence. key components of psychological wealth.

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By engaging deeply with these practices, you can begin to build a foundation of psychological wealth that strengthens your relationships, enhances your well-being, and helps you navigate life's challenges with grace. This holiday season, let's take a cue from the Grinch's transformation and commit to growing our hearts three sizes by investing in what truly matters.

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Let's focus less on what's under the tree and more on the moments and people that surround it. True wealth is found in shared meals, heartfelt conversations and the simple joys that remind us of what really matters. I encourage you to pause and reflect. Write a letter. or send a text to someone who has supported or inspired you, expressing your gratitude for their presence in your life.

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Take a moment to think about the experiences that bring you joy this year, the ones money couldn't buy. Those moments of connection, laughter, and love are the essence of psychological wealth. Dr. Seuss said it best, maybe Christmas and happiness doesn't come from a store. Maybe it means a little bit more. Let's carry this wisdom into the new year, committing to nurturing our psychological wealth

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and enriching the lives of those around us. This holiday season, challenge yourself to grow your heart three sizes. Embrace the five practices we've discussed, shifting your perspective, strengthening connections, practicing kindness, finding purpose, and committing to personal growth.

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Then, on Thanksgiving Day, I spoke with Dr. Josh Axe, founder of Ancient Nutrition and one of the leading voices in natural health. Dr. Axe delivered practical strategies to break through limiting beliefs and become who you were born to be. His expertise is invaluable for anyone striving to live healthier and more intentionally.

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By investing in what truly matters, you'll create a foundation of happiness that sustains you through life's challenges and celebrations alike. As you navigate this season and the year ahead, let gratitude and connection guide you, reminding you that the greatest gifts are not wrapped in shiny paper, but are the love, lessons, and memories we share.

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Here's to a season and a life filled with true wealth. To support you in cultivating psychological wealth, I've created a free downloadable resource, The Five Practices for Building Psychological Wealth. This guide offers actionable steps to help you integrate gratitude, connection, and purpose into your life.

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You can download it now by going to the show notes at passionstruck.com, along with additional resources to inspire your journey. If today's episode resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review. It's one of the best ways to help others discover the show and join our mission of intentional living.

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And if you know someone who could benefit from today's message, share this episode with them. Together, we can spread the gift of transformation and purpose. I'm also passionate about taking these lessons beyond the podcast, whether it's through keynote speeches, workshops, or corporate events.

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I'd love to bring this message of resilience, connection, and psychological wealth to your team or community. Learn more about how we can partner by visiting johnrmiles.com slash speaking. You can find links to everything we discussed today in today's episode in the show notes at passionstruck.com. And don't forget to watch the video version of this episode on your YouTube channel.

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While you're there, subscribe so you never miss a moment of inspiration. Also, be sure to check out our sponsors and exclusive deals at passionstruck.com. Supporting those who support the show makes all the difference. Before we wrap up, next time on Passion Struck, I'm joined by Cody Sanchez, author of Main Street Millionaire, How to Make Extraordinary Wealth by Buying Ordinary Businesses.

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In this eye-opening conversation, Cody reveals the secrets to creating financial freedom and living with purpose. through the power of ownership, we dive into a rich framework, the surprising wealth hidden in boring industries, and how you can join the movement to take back control from corporate giants.

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Whether you're ready to take the leap into small business ownership or simply looking to rethink your financial future, this is a conversation you won't want to miss.

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Thank you for spending your time with me today. Your commitment to living a life of purpose and impact inspires me, and I hope this episode has added value to your journey. Remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value here, share it with someone else who might benefit. Let's keep living what we learn. Until next time, live life passion-struck.

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And if you haven't already, I highly recommend going back to listen to these episodes. They're packed with insights and actionable advice that will help you embrace resilience Prioritize your health and live with greater purpose. For those diving into the podcast for the first time, or if you want to introduce this to a friend or a family member, check out our episode starter packs.

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With over 540 episodes, we've curated playlists on themes like leadership, mental health, and personal growth to make it easier to find the perfect episode for you. Visit passionstruck.com starter packs or explore them on Spotify. And don't forget, if you're looking for exclusive content and tools to apply these lessons to your life, sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter.

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Each week, I'll send you practical insights to keep you inspired on your journey. Head to passionstruck.com to join. Plus, if you prefer a more visual format, all our interviews, solo episodes, and highlights are available on our YouTube channel. Be sure to subscribe to stay updated on our latest content. Now, let's talk about today's episode. Picture this.

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Now we're diving deeper into gratitude's transformative power, how it can lead to greater happiness, strong relationships, and a sense of fulfillment that far exceeds anything money can buy. From mindful connections to simple acts of kindness, discover how to nurture your psychological wealth and thrive as the year winds down. Are you ready to redefine what it truly means to be rich?

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You've just scored an amazing Black Friday deal on a gadget you've been eyeing for months. The excitement is real. But how long does that feeling actually last? A week? A day? Maybe just a few hours? As the holiday season brings a frenzy of shopping, parties, and gift-giving, it's worth pausing to ask, what truly makes us happy?

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The answer doesn't lie in what we own, but in how we feel about our lives, our relationships, our sense of purpose, and the gratitude we cultivate. Psychologists call this psychological wealth, a richness that transcends material possessions. In today's episode, I'm diving into what it means to build psychological wealth. and how gratitude is the cornerstone of this mindset.

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You'll discover how to focus on what truly matters, the dangers of tying happiness to material wealth, and practical ways to cultivate gratitude and enrich your daily life. Join me as we shift the focus from accumulating things to appreciating the intangible treasures that make life deeply fulfilling. Are you ready to redefine what it means to be rich? Let's dive in.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life now. Let that journey begin.

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you ever stop to think about what it truly means to be rich most people immediately think about financial wealth how much money you have the car you drive or the house you live in but let's go deeper than that true richness isn't about material possessions it's about how fulfilled you feel in your everyday life that's where psychological wealth comes in it's not measured in dollars or status but in the quality of your emotional mental and relational resources

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It's about feeling whole and grounded, not because of what you own, but because of how you live, the connections you nurture, and the meaning you find in your life. Researchers like Dr. Ed Diener have explored this idea, showing us that psychological wealth is what truly determines how rich our lives feel. Think about two people with the exact same income.

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One is overwhelmed, disconnected, and constantly chasing the next thing. The other is deeply engaged with their community, feels purposeful, and focuses on gratitude. Their financial wealth might be identical, but their psychological wealth can

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At its core, psychological wealth includes things like emotional well-being, how you handle life's ups and downs, the quality of your relationships, those deep, meaningful connections, a strong sense of purpose, knowing why you do what you do. Personal resilience, the ability to bounce back when life throws you curveballs. Gratitude, finding joy in the little things.

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And meaningful experiences, moments that enrich your life and leave lasting impressions. And here's the kicker. While money can boost happiness in the short term, research shows it's fleeting. It doesn't have the same lasting impact as gratitude, purpose, or strong relationships.

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think of psychological wealth like an internal bank account you make deposits not with cash but with experiences and choices that build a life you love but just like financial wealth psychological wealth takes intentionality to grow it requires us to step back and ask am i focusing on what truly matters am i nurturing my relationships am i finding joy in the journey today we're going to dive deep into this concept

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Tune in as we explore how gratitude can change your life this season and beyond. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you.

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and explore how you can start making deposits in your own internal account so you can live a life that's truly rich in every way that matters. To really understand psychological wealth, let's look at it through the lens of a story we all know, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. Picture the Grinch sitting high atop Mount Crumpet, scowling down at Whoville.

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His cave is packed with gadgets and contraptions, material possessions that might seem impressive on the surface. But if we dig deeper, it's clear the Grinch is the perfect example of psychological poverty. Despite everything he owns, the Grinch is isolated, bitter, lonely, and deeply unhappy. His heart is described as two sizes too small.

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And while that's a fun metaphor, it's also a powerful way to illustrate his lack of emotional capacity. He's missing all the key ingredients of psychological wealth. Meaningful relationships, a sense of purpose, and the ability to experience joy and gratitude.

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Gratitude is a key turning point in The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and it's where his story shifts from psychological poverty to true wealth. Determined to ruin Christmas, the Grinch hatches a plan. On Christmas Eve, dressed as Santa, and with his loyal dog Max in tow, he sneaks into Whoville to steal everything associated with the holiday. Presents, decorations, even the feast.

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He loads his sleigh with all the stolen items, but planning to dump them on a mountaintop. But then, something remarkable happens. As dawn breaks, the Grinch hears the Who singing, their voices filled with joy despite their losses. It stops him dead in his tracks. This moment forces the Grinch to realize that their happiness doesn't come from material things.

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It comes from their sense of community, togetherness, and gratitude. His attempt to steal Christmas backfires spectacularly. but in the best possible way. Instead of leaving the Who's devastated, he witnesses their unbreakable spirit. They find joy in their connection to one another, and it's this realization that triggers a profound transformation in the Grinch.

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As his heart grows three sizes, it symbolizes a shift in his emotional capacity. he begins to experience the intangible richness of psychological wealth. He feels the warmth of belonging, the purpose of giving, and the joy of connection. This is where the Grinch's true growth lies, not in what he has, but in how he feels and relates to others. The Grinch's story reminds us of an essential truth.

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Psychological wealth isn't about the size of your cave or the number of presents under your tree. It's about the size of your heart, the depth of your connections, and your capacity for joy and gratitude. As we navigate our own holiday season, let's take a cue from the Grinch's Journey.

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Instead of focusing on acquiring more, let's invest in our relationships, nurture gratitude, and seek out meaningful experiences. In doing so, we might just find our own hearts growing a few sizes and discover a richness in life we never imagined. Let's take this transformation one step further.

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The Grinch's Journey not only teaches us the power of gratitude and connection, but also highlights a key lesson about our relationship with material wealth. Think about the Grinch's cave overflowing with stolen presents, decorations, and gadgets. It's not just a hiding place. It's a perfect metaphor for how many of us get caught up in the relentless pursuit of more.

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Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

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Like the Grinch before his epiphany, we've been conditioned to believe that happiness is tied to what we own. But just as his cave couldn't fill the void in his heart, neither can material success bring us lasting joy. Here's the danger. Overattaching to material wealth comes with a profound emotional cost.

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We work longer hours, take on more debt and push ourselves to exhaustion, all while feeling like we're still falling short. Anxiety, burnout and chronic stress become the price we pay for a lifestyle driven by accumulation. It's a cycle we've all seen, and maybe even experienced. The excitement of getting that new car, landing the promotion, or upgrading our home. But soon after, the thrill fades.

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This is hedonic adaptation at work. The phenomenon where the satisfaction from external rewards quickly wears off, leaving us chasing the next big thing. The Grinch's breakthrough was realizing that Christmas doesn't come from a store. And for us, the shift begins when we recognize that true happiness... isn't found in what we own, but in how we live.

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It's about stepping off the treadmill of consumption and redefining success in terms of meaning, connection, and presence. When we shift our focus from having to being, everything changes. Instead of accumulating things, we begin valuing experiences. Instead of competing for status, we prioritize relationships. Instead of seeking validation from the outside, we cultivate inner fulfillment.

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this is where psychological wealth truly shines it's not measured by the size of our house or the gadgets we own but by the death of our relationships the sense of purpose we carry and our ability to find joy in the moment and this choice how we define wealth is especially relevant during the holiday season do we keep chasing material goals

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Or do we invest in the intangible riches of connection, gratitude, and personal growth? The Grinch's story shows us what's possible when we choose the latter. His most profound transformation wasn't in what he acquired, but in how he saw the world and connected with others. So as we stand at this crossroads, let's ask ourselves, how do we want to define success and happiness?

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The answer isn't about having more. It's about being more, more present, more connected, more authentic. And in that, we find a So let's discuss the role of relationships in building psychological wealth. Human beings are inherently social creatures, and our connections with others play a vital role in shaping our emotional and psychological well-being.

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Yet in the hustle and bustle of daily life, we often take these relationships for granted, much like the Grinch did during his solitary existence atop

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mount crumpet initially grinch's heart is described as two sizes too small symbolizing not only his lack of kindness but also his disconnection from meaningful relationships one of the strongest predictors of long-term happiness isn't the size of our paycheck or the things we own but the death of our connections

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This idea is powerfully reinforced by the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has followed participants for over 80 years. And I did a deep dive on this topic last January with its director, Bob Waldinger, in episode 239. You absolutely want to go back and check that out.

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The study found that those who maintain warm, meaningful relationships reported greater happiness, lived longer, and experienced better health. The Grinch, isolated in his cave, embodies the consequences of neglecting relationships. His disdain for the Whos and their joyful celebrations reflects a deeper emotional wound, a longing for connection that he doesn't yet recognize. It's only

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when he witnesses the Who singing joyously, even after losing their material possessions, that he begins to understand the true essence of community and connection. This idea ties directly into the holiday season. Thanksgiving, for example, serves as a poignant reminder of the wealth found in relationships.

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As we gather with loved ones, it's the shared laughter, the moments of understanding, and the simple reassurance of being there for one another that makes those times precious. Financial wealth may provide opportunities, but it's the strength of our relationships that gives those experiences meaning. Yet so many of us overlook this truth.

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Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck fam. Welcome to episode 540 of the passion struck podcast. Thank you so much for having me. Olympic gold medalist, inductee into the World Rugby Hall of Fame, and champion of resilience.

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Instead, we focus on accumulating things, believing it will bring lasting happiness. Consider these startling statistics. 70% of Americans report feeling stressed about financial pressures. The average household carries over $6,000 in credit card debt. Holiday spending alone often increases personal debt by 25% to 30%. This relentless cycle of spending leaves many of us burned out and disconnected.

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Like the Grinch, we've become conditioned to believe that happiness comes from acquiring things, but hedonic adaptation tells us otherwise. The thrill of a new gadget or a lavish holiday quickly fades while the stress of financial pressure lingers. The Grinch's transformation shows us another path. When he finally opens himself up to vulnerability and connection, his life changes profoundly.

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Neuroscience even backs this up. When we bond with others, our brains release oxytocin, the bonding hormone, which fosters trust and closeness. These are the elements that were missing in the Grinch's life until he chose to embrace connection and community.

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Ultimately, the most successful and fulfilling lives are built not on the accumulation of material wealth, but on the strength of our relationships. The Grinch's story reminds us that happiness is found in love, community, and shared experiences. As we reflect on our own lives this holiday season,

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Let's take the opportunity to nurture our own relationships, appreciate the support they offer, and embrace the profound richness they bring. Now that we've explored the role of relationships in building psychological wealth, let's dive into how psychological wealth transforms life's challenges.

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When the Grinch's plan to steal Christmas fails, he's initially unable to cope with the Who's unexpected joy. His narrow focus on material possessions, and in his case, the destruction of them, leaves him emotionally unprepared for the resilience and gratitude that the Who's display.

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It's only when he experiences connection, gratitude, and a sense of purpose that he begins to understand and transform. People who practice gratitude regularly, like the Who's singing despite their loss, demonstrate an incredible ability to find silver linings even in the face of adversity.

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Gratitude shifts our focus from what's missing to what remains, providing a foundation for hope and resilience. For the Who's, their shared joy and unbreakable community spirit become their greatest assets. melting even the Grinch's hardened heart. Strong relationships, as shown in the Grinch's transformation, act as a safety net during the tough times.

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Kurt Gray on How to Bridge Moral Divides and Rebuild Trust | EP 591

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Kurt is a professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of North Carolina and the incoming Weary Family Foundation Endowed Chair in the Social Psychology of Polarization and Misinformation Department at The Ohio State University. He's a social psychologist who studies how our moral minds work

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Never thought about it that way, but I could definitely see how that would do so and plays a significant role in doing so. Kurt, I wanted to switch the conversation a little bit. A thing that I've been really exploring over the past 18 months is mattering and this whole topic of feeling seen, valued, et cetera. When we think about this human concern with harm, do you think

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it's at all rooted in our need to feel that we and our experiences matter? And if so, how does mattering influence our perceptions of victimhood and moral outrage?

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I do want to jump on something that you said just before this, and that is how people are constantly looking at social media for different things, especially those that you identified who are looking for news or what's happening in politics for the day. And I think oftentimes when you take a step back, a lot of those people end up feeling like,

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their perspectives or they themselves in the big scheme of politics don't matter and so what ended up happening and i see it even within my friend groups is that they then lash out or become entrenched in their views because of that perspective so how would you see that happening and how can if you're in that position like so many people are

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and how we can use that understanding to bridge political and ideological divides he's also the author of the groundbreaking new book outraged why we fight about morality and politics and how to find common ground a must read for anyone navigating today's fractured world if you're new here thank you for joining us you're now part of a global movement of change makers living intentionally unlocking their potential and choosing to matter

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How do you encourage people to see both sides of the coin as a way of maybe helping them feel more seen and valued? I'll just leave it there.

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This whole discussion makes me think of something I read in the book. You were going into how feeling pain makes us the only and the ultimate victim. And you end up writing about a quote that Elaine, I think her name is pronounced Scarry, S-C-A-R-R-Y. She's an American essayist and author of The Body in Pain. And she writes, to have great pain is to have certainty.

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And you follow that up with certainty over our victimhood. But to hear that another person has pain is to have doubt about their victimhood. People in pain are convinced that they are the real victim within a situation. And then you follow it up later on that luckily most people in moral disagreements are not actively in physical pain.

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but can still be self-focused when it comes to feelings of victimhood. So I just wanted to bring that up because I think that pain is deeply rooted, even from the time that we're a teenager to later on in life, we can still be feeling that perspective. And that sometimes is that whole viewpoint that we're coming at a certain situation.

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And if you're a returning listener, welcome back. I am so grateful for your continued support. Let's take a quick look back at our recent episodes. On Tuesday, Wes Adams and Tamara Miles joined me to explore how to create meaningful work that fuels performance and purpose.

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I wanted to ask one more question on this whole harm topic, and that is political divides. So liberals and conservatives see harm differently, focusing on different groups as being vulnerable. How do you break down these contrasting perceptions that both sides have?

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And then yesterday, Donald Miller unpacked the timeless power of storytelling and how it can transform both our personal lives and business impact. If you missed those, definitely go back and check them out.

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And don't forget our curated starter packs on Spotify and at passionstruck.com slash starter packs, which can make it easy to dive into our favorite themes like leadership, emotional resilience, behavior change, alternative health, and so much more.

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That's really interesting how you were showing how the one side looks at it more as a group and the other side looks at it more as an individual. It's an interesting perspective at a more macro impact that it has. Another macro thing that I discovered in the book is this concept of moral typecasting, where victims really are seen as innocent and villains are blameworthy.

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And this really reminded me of a conversation I was having with Wendy Smith and Marianne Lewis, who you might know, who wrote a book on both thinking. The way I want to approach this is this moral typecasting really gets into black and white thinking or either or thinking that fuels moral conflicts. Why is both and thinking such a more powerful way to address them?

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You can also sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com to get weekly tools, challenges, and inspiration delivered to your inbox. Now, let's turn to today's conversation with Kurt Gray.

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In this episode, we'll explore why we're so emotionally reactive to politics, morality, and perceived harm, the psychology behind outrage, and why it often misfires, how to recognize when your moral instincts are being hijacked, and practical ways to foster empathy, understanding, and real dialogue across divides.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Thank you.

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Kurt's work is a gift for anyone who wants to turn down the volume on conflict and turn up the dial on compassion, reason, and common ground. Let's dive in. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so honored today to have Dr. Kurt Gray on the PassionStruck podcast.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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Welcome, Kurt. Thanks for having me. I love to start these conversations out with this question. We all have defining moments that shape our lives. One of yours happened in high school while you were driving a car and it ended up shaping your journey in profound ways. Could you please share that story with us?

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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So we spent a lot of time today talking about politicians and larger implications of this. I wanted to take this down to families, individuals, friendships. How can individuals apply the lessons that we're discussing today to resolve personal conflicts?

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And I wanted to end today by going to the closing of the book, where you talk about Moral humility is something that you're striving for more people to have. Can you describe moral humility and why you want this to be a key takeaway for listeners?

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Okay, I'm going to just end on this because it's the last sentence in your book. It's true that many of us today are outraged, but most of us want to be less outraged. And understanding the truth about our moral minds will help. Well, Kurt, thank you for bringing this book to the world and helping people see the truth about their moral minds.

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If people want to learn more about you and your work, where's the best place for them to go?

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Kurt, thank you so much for coming on today and congratulations again on your book. Thanks very much for having me. And that's a wrap. Thank you so much for joining me today on Passion Struck with Dr. Kurt Gray.

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I hope this conversation gave you a deeper understanding of not only why we experience moral outrage, but how we can channel that emotion toward empathy, bridge building, and meaningful action. Kurt's work offers a powerful reminder. We all want to matter. We all want to be seen as good.

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And when we understand that moral fights are often rooted in perceived harm and identity, we can stop yelling across the divide and start listening for common ground. If you found this episode valuable, please share it with a friend or a colleague who could benefit from its insights. Spread the ripple of intentional living.

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And also, if you truly love the episode, please consider giving us a five-star rating and review. They bring more people into the Passion Star community. If you're not already following the show, make sure you hit that subscribe button.

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We have an incredible lineup coming up, including next Tuesday's episode with organizational psychologist and bestselling author Tasha Yurek, where we'll explore how to build radical self-awareness to unlock personal and professional transformation.

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As always, you can find links to today's topics, Dr. Gray's new book, and other resources in the show notes at passionstruck.com. Until next time, live intentionally, lead with purpose, and stay passionstruck. See you next week.

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Thank you so much for sharing that story. The book that you're describing is titled Outraged, Why We Fight About Morality in Politics and How to Find Common Ground. It was just released. It's a next big idea club must read. And I saw today it was number one in its category on Amazon. Congratulations.

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I can't wait to get in today's discussion because I think it's so relative given the times that we're in. I just wanted to go back to that car experience for a second. A good friend of mine that I went to the Naval Academy with, we were talking about another one before we came on the show, but this gentleman, Chris Cassidy, at one point was the chief astronaut at NASA.

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And I remember talking to him right before he was the commander on the ISS. And then I talked to him after he came back to Earth. And he was talking about this one day that he was looking down on the United States and they happened to be going over New York city. And we were talking about how your mindset changes once you've experienced space.

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And he was putting himself into the position of drivers who were likely in a cab. or cab drivers trying to get throughout to New York and how outraged they likely were as he was flying over. And his feeling was how meaningless it is in the big scheme of things going on.

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And I always thought it was a really interesting perspective of how we get so close to things in our day-to-day lives that we often lose the big picture. I just thought I'd throw that out and ask you about it.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey, PassionStruck fam. Welcome to episode 591 of the PassionStruck podcast.

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I agree. And I will just say one other thing about this journey to space for Chris is he went up with two cosmonauts and had trained with them for a very long time. And literally a few weeks right before the mission, one of them got injured running and they were about to cancel the mission.

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And I talked to the head of NASA flight operations and he said, literally no other astronaut could do this, but we asked Chris just to swap crews. So he went with the backup crew who he hadn't worked with practically at all. And they just said he was one of the few people who had the demeanor and the willingness that he could pull something like that off. Interesting.

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I wonder once he got up there, if he did find what you're suggesting and habits or peculiar things that they did that drove him nuts. Well, yesterday I happened to be interviewing Donald Miller. I'm not sure if you know who Donald is, but he wrote this book here that sold a million copies called Building a Story Brand. And he said this quote to me that I thought fit into today's discussion.

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He said that the wrong people have the microphone and his work, his attempt to fix that problem What role do you think that storytelling plays in both creating outrage and in potentially fixing it?

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So I'm going to bring this all the way back to Chris the astronaut. So I mentioned that as he was looking down, it really changed his perception of things. And you argue that all mortality boils down to one thing, perceptions of harm. Can you explain why harm is the master key to understanding our moral minds?

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Have you ever wondered why we seem to be morally outraged all the time? Why even small disagreements can spiral into division and conflict? What if the root of our polarization wasn't just ideological, but deeply psychological? Today we're exploring these urgent questions with someone who has dedicated his life to Decoding the Moral Mind, Dr. Kurt Gray.

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We think we're safer, although as we have gone from that smaller village setting to now the global villages that we exist in, there are a whole bunch of nefarious characters out there who are influencing our perceptions and many of them want to do harm to us.

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Could you highlight maybe then how social media amplifies this perception of harm and what role it plays in fueling outrage and moral panics?

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What if the reason love feels so uncertain isn't because you haven't found the right person, but because you haven't fully chosen yourself? Too many people mistake being wanted for being valued. Mistaking makes signals for mystery and inconsistency for passion. But here's the truth. Real love doesn't leave you guessing.

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It all comes down to something called the Veticular Activating System, short for RAS, the part of your brain that acts as a filter between what you consciously think and what your subconscious believes. Have you ever noticed that when you decide to buy a certain car, you suddenly see that car everywhere? That's your RAS at work. It picks up on what you focus on most. And here's the problem.

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If you're stuck in a breakup, your RAS filters out all the reasons it didn't work and only searches for proof that they were your perfect person. And this is what ends up happening. You remember the good times and ignore the bad. You romanticize their potential instead of seeing reality. You stay emotionally attached to something that was never fully choosing you.

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And that's why breakups feel unbearable. Because your brain is literally working against you. making you think you're losing something irreplaceable, when in reality, you lost something that wasn't fully choosing you. So here's a reality check. If someone was truly meant for you, they wouldn't have left. If they were the right person, you wouldn't have to convince them to stay.

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Letting go isn't just about moving on. It's about retraining your brain to see reality, not fantasy. So if we know our brain is wired to keep us attached, how do we actually break free? Self-awareness is the key. In my interview with Dr. Tasha Yura, one of the world's leading experts on self-awareness, she said something that hit me hard.

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The biggest reason people stay stuck in painful relationships is a lack of self-awareness. She then went on to say, we tend to be the least self-aware in the areas where we need it most. This is why so many people repeat the same painful relationship cycles without even realizing they're doing it. They leave one relationship only to find themselves in another one that feels eerily similar.

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They keep attracting partners who make them question their worth. They confuse intensity with real connection, mistaking chemistry for compatibility. And if we're not self-aware, we keep making the same choices, not because we want to, but because we haven't done the work to understand why. So I'm going to give you something important here, the breakup self-awareness test.

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On Tuesday, I sat down with Edward Fishman, author of the new book, Choke Points, to break down the hidden power of global supply chains and how economic warfare is shaping the world around us. Then on Thursday, Dr. Sandra Max joined me to explore the fascinating world of digital psychology.

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I want you to ask yourself these three questions. What truth about myself did this relationship reveal? What patterns do I keep repeating in my love life? And how can I use this experience to become more intentional in my next relationship? Because healing isn't just about moving on. It's about recognizing the patterns that kept you stuck and choosing differently next time.

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So here's a way that you can rewrite your breakup story. If a past breakup still weighs on you, take five minutes and write down three things it taught you about love. One way it pushed you closer to the relationship you deserve and what you gained by letting them go. Because healing isn't about erasing the past. It's about using it to rebuild a stronger future.

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If you've ever walked away from a relationship where you felt unseen, you know that the hardest part isn't just leaving. It's rewriting your entire sense of self. Because when we lose mattering in love, we don't just lose the person, we lose the version of ourselves we became with them. And that's why healing isn't just about moving on.

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It's about learning to see yourself again without needing someone else to reflect your worth back to you. So before I talked about how I kept waiting for someone to choose me, how I convinced myself that maybe if I just showed up in the right way, they'd finally see my worth. But when you believe you have to prove your value, you end up shrinking parts of yourself just to fit into a relationship.

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And the truth is, if you have to convince someone to love you, they're not your person. And I didn't really understand that until I met Corey. She was different from anyone I had ever met before. Not because everything was perfect. Not because we never had conflict. Because, for the first time, I didn't feel like I had to perform. I didn't feel like I had to earn love. I could just be me.

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When I first started dating Corey, something was immediately different. She didn't avoid tough conversations. She didn't wait for resentment to build up. She addressed things directly. She made it clear that my needs were just as important as hers. And she saw all of me, my strengths and my flaws, and loved me as I was.

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this was relational mattering in action i felt seen heard valued for exactly who i was and this brings us to the mattering mindset in love what healthy love actually looks like love should make you more of who you are Period. Not less. A good relationship doesn't make you feel like you have to tiptoe around someone's emotions or walk on eggshells.

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It doesn't make you question your worth or whether your feelings are quote unquote too much. So how do you know if you're in the right relationship? You feel emotionally safe. And that shows up because you don't have to second guess everything. You don't have to shrink yourself to avoid conflict. you can have hard conversations without fear of being abandoned.

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So now I want to discuss why Corey was different and why that changed everything for me. Meeting Corey was what finally snapped me out of that cycle. Because when you're with the right person, your brain doesn't have to work overtime, convincing you that you're happy. You just know. There was no chasing, no over explaining, no wondering where I stood.

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how the data we generate every day is being used to influence, predict, and even manipulate our behaviors in ways we don't always realize. And today we're bringing it back to something even more personal, the way we experience love. Last time in part one of The Mattering Mindset in Love, we explored why mattering is the foundation of every great relationship.

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The right person doesn't make you wonder where you stand. They make you feel like you matter. So if you're in a situation where you constantly have to convince yourself it's enough, it's not. Love isn't about just being wanted. It's about being chosen fully and freely. And that's what the mattering mindset in love is all about. And this comes down to the fundamental question.

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Are you building the scaffolding of mattering in love or just holding on? The biggest difference between Carly and Corey, Carly was comfortable with where we were. Corey, on the other hand, was committed to building something together. This is emotional mattering. The difference between a relationship that grows versus one that stays stagnant.

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And here's what you can ask yourself in the relationship that you find yourself in. Are we working towards something real? Are we aligned in our values and long-term vision? Are we both contributing to the relationship, or is one person carrying it? Because a relationship should feel like a team effort, not a solo mission.

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Bottom line, if you can't see them in your future, they don't belong in your present. Which brings us to future alignment. If I had stayed with Carly, I would have been living in limbo, hoping for something that was never going to happen. But with Corey, I didn't have to wonder, because real love isn't about guessing. It's about clarity.

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It's about choosing the other person and them choosing you back. So ask yourself, if nothing changed in this relationship, would I still be happy five years from now? Am I with this person because I genuinely want to be or just because I'm afraid to leave? Does this relationship align with my long-term vision of love, partnership, and purpose? Love begins with mattering, and that starts with you.

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The biggest lesson I learned from all of this? We don't need to be chosen to matter. We need to matter to ourselves first. The love we accept is a reflection of the love we believe we deserve. So if you're stuck in a relationship where you don't feel valued, seen, or secure, then you're choosing something less than what you deserve. So here's the final question.

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Are you choosing love, or are you just choosing what's familiar? Love isn't a guessing game. The right person makes their feelings known through actions, not just words. A few weeks ago on the podcast in episode 573, I talked about mattering in the workplace, how great leaders create cultures where people feel valued, heard, and significant. But what about our personal lives?

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If we understand mattering at work, Why don't we apply it to love? At work, we know that feeling invisible, unheard, or unappreciated kills motivation and engagement. The same is true in relationships. If you constantly feel like you don't matter, the relationship will slowly erode your confidence, joy, and sense of self. So how do we rebuild mattering in love?

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It starts with understanding what it truly means to feel valued. We talk a lot about mattering at work, but love is no different. If you constantly feel invisible in a relationship, it's only a matter of time before you start shrinking yourself to fit in. And that's why I created this framework, to help you assess whether your relationship supports your growth or slowly erodes it.

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We talked about how your self-worth shapes the love you accept, the danger of chasing validation instead of real connection, and how to recognize when you're investing in the wrong person. But that was just the beginning. Because today, we're diving deeper into the conversations that most people avoid. The ones that determine whether a relationship is built to last.

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That's why in today's episode, I'm introducing the four dimensions of mattering in relationship, a way to assess whether your relationship reinforces your value or diminishes it. Love isn't just about being in a relationship. It's about choosing one where you truly matter. And too many people settle for relationships that make them question their worth instead of reinforcing it.

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But love should make you more of who you are, not less. Just like in leadership and work, mattering in love has four dimensions. The first is personal mattering. Do you feel valued as you are? And here's some questions you can ask yourself. Do I feel valued or do I constantly question my worth? Am I showing up authentically or am I shrinking myself?

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Dr. Tasha, you're an expert in self-awareness, says relationships often mirror our self-worth. She told me if you feel like you're disappearing in a relationship, it's not because love is supposed to be selfless. It's because you've stopped prioritizing yourself. So here's a self-check you can do. Am I adjusting my personality values or desires just to keep the peace?

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Am I prioritizing their happiness at the expense of my own? Do I feel like I have to prove my worth or am I accepted as I am? And here's a truth bomb. The right person doesn't require you to shrink. They celebrate your full presence. And this brings us to the second element of the framework, relational mattering. Do they truly see you? So here's some questions to ask yourself.

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Do they make me feel seen, heard, and respected? Does this relationship bring out the best version of me? Dr. Franco says relationships thrive when both partners feel valued, not just tolerated. She told me you should never have to convince someone to see your worth. Real love isn't about proving yourself. It's about being seen for who you already are.

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So here's some signs you're being truly valued. Your partner listens when you express your feelings instead of dismissing them. They respect your boundaries instead of pushing them. They support your growth instead of feeling threatened by it. If someone makes you question your significance, they don't deserve access to your heart. And that is so important for you to understand.

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And this leads us to the third component, emotional mattering. Are you building something together? And here's some questions to ask. Are we building something real or is this relationship stuck in place? Does this relationship support my personal growth or does it hold me back? Dr. Metcalf explains that emotional safety isn't just a feeling, it's a biological need.

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She told me when your brain perceives a relationship as unsafe, it sends stress signals that make you feel anxious, insecure, and emotionally exhausted. So here's some signs that you're building a real future. You don't feel like you're the only one carrying the relationship. You can express your true thoughts without fear or backlash. You feel chosen daily, not just when it's convenient for them.

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If love feels like an emotional roller coaster, it's not love, it's a lack of safety. And this leads us to our last component, our future alignment. Does this relationship align with your future? So here's some questions to ask yourself. Does the relationship I'm in align with my long-term vision and values? If I stay, will I regret it five years from now?

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Relationship experts John Kim and Vanessa Bennett say that the biggest relationship mistake people make is choosing from fear instead of clarity. And they told me people stay in wrong relationships because they fear being alone more than they fear being unfulfilled. So here's a long-term clarity check. Would my future self thank me for staying in this relationship?

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Have you ever wondered, am I being chosen or am I just convenient? Does my relationship actually make me feel secure or am I constantly questioning where I stand? If nothing changed, would I still be happy in five years? These are the questions that separate settling from thriving. In this episode, I will break down the commitment conversation. Are you being chosen or just strung along?

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If nothing changed, would I still be happy in five years? Am I staying because I genuinely love them or because I'm afraid to leave? If you can't see them in your future, they don't belong in your present. So now that you understand the four dimensions of mattering in love, I want you to take this quick self-assessment. Give yourself a score from 1 to 10 for each category.

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1 equals, I don't feel this at all. And 10 equals, this is fully present in my relationship. First, do I feel valued and seen in this relationship? Score yourself one to 10. Second, do they treat me like I matter with consistency? Again, score yourself on a scale of one to 10. Are we building something real and sustainable? Again, a scale of 1 to 10.

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And then lastly, does this relationship align with my future vision and my values? If any score is below a 7, you have to ask yourself, what needs to change? You should never feel like you have to earn love. It should be freely given and deeply felt. So before we wrap up, if today's conversation resonated with you and you're ready to take action, head to the show notes.

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I put together an episode takeaway to help you apply these ideas in your own life. Use it as a reflection guide, a journaling prompt, or even a conversation starter because transformation doesn't just happen through insight. It happens through action. Love begins with mattering. Love is a choice. Make sure you're choosing wisely.

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The most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself. When you believe you matter, you make better choices in love. So often we chase people who make us feel like an option. We over-explain, over-give, and over-compensate, all in the hope that they will see our worth. But love was never meant to be earned through effort or sacrifice.

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Love is something we build with someone who sees our value from the start. The difference between settling and thriving isn't one grand decision. It's the small choices we make every day. The choice to set a boundary instead of ignoring your needs. The choice to walk away from uncertainty rather than clinging to potential. The choice to stop proving your worth and start believing in it.

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And this is where true love begins. Not with finding the right person, but with becoming the version of yourself who attracts the right kind of love. The person who knows that love should feel safe, not like a test. That the right relationship will bring more of you to the surface, not less. That real connection is not about convincing someone to stay. It's about being chosen freely and fully.

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If you find yourself questioning whether you matter in a relationship, that is your answer. Love should never be a guessing game. The right relationship won't make you doubt your worth. It will remind you of it every single day. So where do you begin? Start small. Choose one micro action to practice this week. Perhaps say no when you mean it or stop justifying your needs.

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Let go of the person who keeps you second guessing. Begin choosing from self-worth rather than fear. The most powerful shift you can make in love isn't about finding the right person. It's about becoming the version of yourself who refuses to settle for anything less than the love you deserve. Because the right person doesn't make you question your worth. They remind you of it every single day.

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And that's a wrap on today's episode. But here's the thing. This conversation doesn't end here. The way you approach love, relationships, and self-worth shapes everything. Because when you believe you matter, you stop settling, you stop chasing, you start choosing better. So here's your challenge. Take action.

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We go into the mattering mindset in love. Why great relationships require mutual investment, not one-sided effort. And then lastly, we discuss the four dimensions of mattering in love. A framework to assess whether your relationship truly values you or holds you back. Because love isn't about convincing someone to see your worth.

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If you've been waiting for someone to come around, ask yourself, am I being chosen or am I just hoping? If you've been stuck in uncertainty, have the conversation you've been avoiding. If you've been playing small in love, start showing up for yourself first. And if this episode hit home, share it. Send it to a friend who needs to hear it. Post it. Tag me.

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I want to know what resonated most with you. If you want to go deeper, I don't just talk about these ideas. I bring them into organizations, teams, and communities to ignite real transformation. If you're looking for a keynote workshop or event that will shift how people think about relationships, purpose, and personal masteries, let's connect.

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Head over to JohnRMiles.com slash speaking to learn more. So coming up next on Passion Struck, I'm sitting down with Natalie Namaste, a renowned expert in self-healing and emotional freedom. We're diving into how to break free from subconscious patterns, release emotional blocks, and build the kind of self-love that transforms every relationship in your life.

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If you've ever felt like you're repeating the same toxic cycles, this is an episode you don't want to miss.

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It's built on mutual respect, emotional security, and the belief that you matter. In episode 579, we're diving deep into the mattering mindset in love, how to recognize when you're being chosen out of love versus convenience, how to stop chasing validation, and how to build relationships that make you feel seen, valued, and truly secure.

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And remember, you're not here just to consume content. You're here because you're investing in yourself. And that's what PassionStruck is all about. So take what you've learned today, apply it, and keep showing up for yourself because no one else can do that for you. And lastly, the fee for the show is simple. If you got value here, pay it forward.

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Leave a five-star rating, share this episode, post it, text it, whatever it takes to get this into the hands of the people who need it most. Until next time, keep choosing the things that matter. And as always, live life passion struck.

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It's about building a connection where your worth is never in question. So if you're ready to stop waiting for someone to choose you and start choosing the love you truly deserve, then this is the episode for you. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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Last week in episode 576, we laid the foundation for how mattering shapes our relationships. We talked about why mattering comes first, how the way we see ourselves dictates the love we accept. We also explored what it means to truly show up as your full self in a relationship and how to recognize when you're chasing the wrong person instead of being chosen. But knowing these things isn't enough.

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The real challenge is applying them. So today we're shifting the focus to something even more defining. commitment because here's the hard truth many people mistake exclusivity for real commitment they think having a title means they're secure in the relationship but true commitment is not about being labeled official or exclusive

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It's about being chosen, not just once, but over and over, through actions, not just words. And that brings me back to Carly. If you listened to part one, you'll remember how, at first, everything with Carly seemed great. We had a real connection. We had fun together. and it felt like things were moving forward. But over time, I started noticing something was off.

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I wanted something meaningful, and she wasn't being forthright. I kept waiting for her to choose me instead of asking myself, am I truly choosing this relationship or just hoping for validation? I was afraid to ask for clarity because I didn't want to lose her. And that's where so many people get stuck. They hesitate to ask for clarity because they're afraid of losing the other person.

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But let me ask you something. Do you feel safe bringing up your needs in your relationship? Do they show up for you consistently or only when it's convenient? Are you being chosen or are you just hoping they'll choose you? Because if clarity scares someone away, they were never fully invested to begin with. And real love doesn't make you afraid to ask for where you stand.

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So this brings us to the commitment conversation. Are you being chosen or truly choosing? Commitment is not about exclusivity. It's about consistent action over time. And many people mistake exclusivity for real commitment. But a truly committed relationship isn't about just having a title. It's about choosing each other every day, even when it's inconvenient. So here's a key question.

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Do I feel safe bringing up my needs in this relationship? If clarity scares someone away, they were never truly invested. The right partner welcomes these conversations, not because they have to, but because they value you. Dr. Abby Medcalf, a relationship expert, bestselling author, TEDx speaker, and host of the Relationships Made Easy podcast,

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has spent over 30 years studying why people stay stuck in the wrong relationships. She shared with me on Passion Stuck episode 183 that many people settle because they confuse trust and familiarity. But trust is more than honesty. It's made up of three parts. Integrity. Do they follow through on their words? Competence. Can they show up in the relationship in a real way? And goodwill.

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Do they have your best interest at heart? If you only have honesty but lack the other two, you don't have real trust. You have convenience. That's why settling doesn't feel safe. It feels exhausting because you're constantly questioning where you stand. You're afraid that bringing up commitment will push them away and they choose you when it's convenient but disappear when it's not.

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If you're tired of second-guessing your worth in love, this conversation will change everything. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you.

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I don't know about you, but I for sure have felt those things before, and I'm guessing you have too. So many people hesitate to define the relationship because they don't want to scare the other person off. But here's the truth. Commitment conversations don't end the right connection. They reveal the wrong one.

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Dr. Marissa Franco is one of the world's leading experts in human connection, a New York Times bestselling author, psychologist, and TED speaker. And we discussed human connection on episode 207. And she told me, we are wired for connection, but we've been conditioned to believe only romantic love matters. And that keeps us stuck in unhealthy dynamics.

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Believing we're failing if we don't have a romantic partner. But she told me the happiest people in the world build entire communities of love, not just one relationship. If clarity scares someone away, they were never truly invested. And this is the important part. The right person will want to have these discussions because they value you. So here's a key question you have to ask yourself.

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Do I feel safe bringing up my needs in this relationship? Because if you don't feel safe talking about commitment, that is your answer. So now I want to get into something really important. It's a mistake we all make. Listening to words instead of watching actions. And this is something that I wrote about in my book, Passion Struck, in a chapter I called People Speak With Their Feet.

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If someone truly wants you in their life, you won't have to guess. Let me say that again because it's so important. If someone truly wants you in their life, you won't have to guess. And I talked about this with relationship experts John Kim and Vanessa Bennett on PassionStruck. Vanessa shared that early in her relationship with John, she could feel him pulling away.

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And instead of chasing him, she made a powerful decision. She told him, John, I know I'm awesome, and I know what I bring to the table. If you don't want it, that's fine, but I need to know. And that is self-worth in action. Because being chosen isn't enough. You need to make sure you are truly choosing too. So here are some signs that you're settling.

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you're constantly questioning where you stand. You hesitate to bring up commitment because you're afraid it will scare them away. You feel like they choose you only when it's convenient, but disappear when it's not. And John admitted at the time he wasn't sure what he wanted. He was caught between uncertainty and emotional resistance. And this is something a lot of people experience.

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They like you, but they're not ready for real commitment. They care, but they're not willing to show up consistently. They enjoy spending time with you, but they're still keeping their options open. And here's the truth. If someone is unsure about you, they are not your person. And this leads me into another key topic. The difference between being chosen out of love versus convenience.

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Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

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It really gets down to the fundamental question, are they choosing you because they love you or because it's easy? Dr. Franco explains that too many people stay in relationships out of fear, fear of being alone, fear of change, fear of the unknown, rather than because of true connection. When someone chooses you out of convenience, you need to understand that the relationship is built on habit.

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not effort. They stay because it's familiar, not because it's fulfilling. They stay out of comfort, not passion. They like having you around, but they're not actively building with you. They have the fear of being alone, not genuine love. You're a placeholder, not a priority. But when someone chooses you out of love, they show up with consistency, not just intensity.

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Love isn't about grand gestures. It's about daily actions. They listen, communicate, and grow with you. They don't avoid the hard conversations. They engage in them. And they value your emotional safety. not just their own needs. They don't make you question your worth or where you stand. The right person doesn't make you feel like an option. They make you feel like a priority.

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So this is an important mattering check-in. Are you in love with the person or just the idea of them? Here's a hard but necessary question. Do you truly love them or do you just love the feeling of being wanted? If you're more attached to the idea of the relationship than the reality of it, that's a red flag. Love isn't about fitting someone into your fantasy.

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It's about choosing what's real together. So I'm going to give you a micro gain challenge. I'm going to encourage you to have the commitment conversation. Take five minutes today and ask yourself, what does commitment actually mean to me? Am I afraid to bring it up? And if so, why? Would I accept this level of effort from a friend?

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Because if you wouldn't tolerate it in a friendship, why accept it in a relationship? And here are some important microgains to find the right relationship. Have the commitment conversation early. If they leave, better now than later. Ask, what does commitment look like to you? And see if their definition aligns with yours. And then observe who initiates, who follows through, and who makes effort.

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If it's always you, take a step back. The bottom line, if it scares them off, they were never truly invested. If you feel uncertain, that's not security. And if you have to convince someone to choose you, they are not your person. Because the right person doesn't just choose you once. They choose you over and over and over again. And you deserve that.

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So we've just established what it feels like to be truly chosen. To be in a relationship where you don't have to shrink yourself, prove your worth, and guess where you stand. But what happens when you realize you're not in that kind of relationship? What happens when you wake up one day and realize you've been waiting to be chosen instead of choosing yourself? That's when the real work begins.

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Because walking away from the wrong relationship isn't just about losing that person. It's about losing the version of yourself that existed in that relationship. That's why breakups feel so painful. Not just because you miss them, but because you miss the life you imagined together. You miss the identity you built around being with them. And that's what makes moving on so damn hard.

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And this is why breakups feel like losing yourself. So let's go back to my story about Carly. At first, I kept hoping Carly would come around. I kept justifying the mixed signals. I kept making excuses for why she wasn't being fully transparent about what she wanted. And the hardest part?

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I convinced myself that if I was just patient enough, she would eventually choose me the way I was choosing her. By the time I finally walked away from Carly, I knew it was the right decision. But knowing something logically and feeling it emotionally... let me tell you, are two different things.

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Now, let's go out there and become Passion Struck. Hey there, Passion Struck family. Welcome to episode 579. Whether you've been with me for a while or this is your first time, this is where we challenge conventional thinking and create lives that truly matter. Earlier this week, we tackled two powerful conversations that reshaped how we think about influence on both a global and personal scale.

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Because the hardest part of a breakup isn't just losing the relationship, it's losing the version of yourself that existed in it. Dr. Franco explained to me that this is why breakups feel like losing yourself. She told me, we define ourselves through our relationships. So when a relationship ends, We don't just lose that person, we lose a part of who we were.

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That's why even when a relationship wasn't right, it can still feel like something is missing. Because you weren't just attached to the person, you were attached to the identity you built alongside them. So this is why it is so important to reframe breakups as growth, not loss. Because you didn't lose love. You gained clarity. You didn't fail. You learned what you won't tolerate next time.

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Importantly, you aren't broken. You're building a stronger version of yourself. Healing isn't just about forgetting them. It's about remembering you. And the hard truth of my relationship with Carly... is I was waiting for someone to validate me instead of valuing myself. And this is where self-worth comes in. This is where personal mattering comes in because here's what I wasn't asking myself.

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Did I feel valued as I was? Or was I constantly questioning my worth? And if I'm being truly honest with you, I wasn't being valued. I was waiting to be valued. And here's the problem with waiting. When you need someone else to validate you, you've already given your power away. So here's a key question. Are you being chosen or are you just hoping someone will choose you?

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If you have to wonder, if you have to guess, if you have to convince them, it's not real commitment. And now we're going to go into why your brain is keeping you stuck in the past. Dr. Abby Medcalf explained to me that breakups feel unbearable. not because they were the right person, but because of how our brain filters information.

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Coming up next on Passionstruck. Let's be honest, Christmas isn't really about the twinkling lights, the parties, or even the gifts. That stuff's nice, but it's not the point. Here's the real question. Do you actually matter to the people around you? And if not, what are you doing about it?

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How many of us share that same anxiety? The longing to matter, to leave behind something meaningful, isn't just a holiday sentiment. It's a driving force of human existence. Yet, like Scrooge, we can become so consumed by self-preservation, cynicism, or fear that we neglect to create the connections and acts of kindness that truly define our legacy.

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Scrooge's encounter with the ghost of Christmas yet to come was his breaking point. The unbearable weight of these visions shattered the walls he built around himself. He finally understood that his indifference to others didn't protect him. It isolated him. And worse yet, it left behind a legacy of harm, not healing. But here's the powerful takeaway.

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The ghost didn't show Scrooge an inevitable future. It showed him a potential one. The silence of the spirit wasn't finality. It was a challenge. The future wasn't set in stone, but it demanded action. For Scrooge, and for us, the question is clear. What choices will you make today to change the legacy you leave behind?

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Will you continue down a path of indifference, or will you choose connection, compassion, and purpose? The lesson of The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come is that it's never too late to change the narrative. Scrooge seized the chance, transforming his life and the lives of those around him. The same opportunity is available to all of us, if we're brave enough to take it.

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Let's dive into how Scrooge's transformation reminds us that mattering isn't just about reflection, it's about the power of our choices. Ebenezer Scrooge's transformation wasn't about finding a quick fix or having a magical epiphany that erased years of bitterness.

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It was about making a choice, a deliberate, sometimes uncomfortable choice, to believe that he mattered, that others mattered, and that how he showed up in the world could make a difference. By the time The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come left him, Scrooge was faced with a stark reality. His future was bleak, but it wasn't set in stone.

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If you missed either of those episodes, I highly recommend you go back and giving them a listen. They're packed with insights that perfectly complement today's discussion. For anyone new to the show, navigating over 550 episodes might feel a bit overwhelming, but I've got you covered.

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The life he had been living, a life of isolation, greed, and indifference, had been his choice all along. And now, for the first time, he saw an alternative. What makes Scrooge's transformation so powerful isn't that it wasn't grand or theatrical. It was rooted in small human moments. He didn't wake up on Christmas morning and suddenly become a saint.

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He woke up and made one decision, then another, and then another. He chose to act differently. He started by reconnecting with the people he had pushed away. Scrooge didn't try to erase the past. He couldn't. but he chose to engage with the present. He reached out to his nephew Fred, acknowledging the warmth and generosity he had dismissed for so long.

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He went to the Cratchit family, offering support, not out of pity, but out of genuine desire to make their lives better. These weren't just acts of generosity. They were acts of humility. They required Scrooge to let go of his ego, his cynicism, and his fear of rejection. As Scrooge began to show others that they mattered, something unexpected happened. He rediscovered his own sense of worth.

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By giving Tiny Tim a chance to thrive, by sharing in Fred's joy, by stepping out of his isolated comfort zone, Scrooge found purpose. Mattering isn't a one-way street. When we remind others of their value, we inevitably remind ourselves of our own. Scrooge learned this firsthand. The more he invested in the lives of others, the richer his own life became. Not financially, but emotionally.

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spiritually, and relationally. Scrooge's transformation also highlights something that's easy to overlook. Mattering takes courage. It's not just about showing up for others. It's about allowing yourself to be seen, to be vulnerable, and to care in a way that feels risky. For years, Scrooge avoided this risk by retreating into his wealth and solitude.

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But in the end, that strategy didn't protect him. It imprisoned him. His decision to embrace connection wasn't just an act of redemption. It was an act of liberation. Scrooge's story is a reminder that mattering isn't something that happens to us. It's something we create.

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It's a choice we make every single day, in the way we treat others, in the way we show up, and in the way we allow ourselves to connect. And the most profound part? It's never too late to choose differently. Scrooge spent most of his life convinced that he didn't matter, that others didn't matter, and that life was better lived behind walls. But in one extraordinary night, he saw the truth.

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We've curated starter packs around themes like leadership, grit, and personal growth to make it easier to dive into the topics that resonate with you. You can find them at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or on Spotify.

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Mattering is a choice, and choosing it transforms everything. As we reflect on Scrooge's journey, the question becomes, how will you choose to matter today? Will you step out of your comfort zone, connect with others, and embrace the courage that it takes to make an impact? Let's move forward and explore how we can bring these lessons into our own lives.

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Scrooge's transformation wasn't just a feel-good holiday tale. It was a roadmap for how we can reclaim mattering in our own lives. His journey teaches us that mattering isn't built on grand gestures or monumental achievements. It's created through simple, intentional actions that prioritize connection and purpose. Here's how you can start.

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The first step in nurturing mattering is acknowledging the people around you. Too often, we go through life without truly seeing others, their struggles, their joys, or their contributions. So here's what you can do. Take a moment to tell someone what you appreciate about them. Be specific.

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Instead of a generic thanks, say, I really admire how patient you were in that meeting, or your advice last week made a huge difference for me.

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then ask yourself who in your world might need to feel seen today is it a co-worker who's been working quietly behind the scenes a friend who's been distant a family member you've taken for granted when you take the time to see others you remind them and yourself that they matter so let me give you an exercise that you can perform called the acknowledgement audit first make a list write down five people in your life who you interact with regularly

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This could include family, friends, coworkers, or even someone you see daily but rarely acknowledge. For instance, a barista or a neighbor. Second, identify their contributions. For each person, think about what they bring to your life or environment. What do you appreciate about them? How do they make a difference, big or small? Third, take action.

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and if you're ready to take your growth even further sign up for my live intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com every week i share actionable strategies and insights to help you thrive with purpose plus check out our youtube channel for highlights episodes and tools that make your growth journey even more engaging now let's talk about today's episode have you ever stopped to ask yourself do i matter maybe it's not something you think about consciously but it's a question that shapes so much of our lives it's there in the way we crave recognition at work seek

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Choose at least one person and tell them what you've written. Be specific. For example, I really admire how calm and thoughtful you are under pressure. It inspires me. Or, I appreciate the way you always ask how I'm doing. It shows you genuinely care. Why it matters? This practice reminds people they're valued and fosters deeper relationships.

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At the same time, it strengthens your own ability to recognize and articulate gratitude, a cornerstone of connection. The second thing Scrooge's story teaches us is how to create meaning through connection. Scrooge learned that the simplest acts of connection are often the most transformative. Sharing a meal, offering kindness, or lending a helping hand doesn't just improve someone else's life.

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It reminds you of the joy that comes from being part of something bigger. So here's what you can do. Look for small, meaningful ways to connect. Invite someone for coffee. write a heartfelt note, or offer support to someone who's struggling. These actions don't have to be grand. They just have to be intentional. Remember, it's not about fixing someone else's problems.

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It's about showing up and being present. The Cratchits didn't need a feast to feel joy. They needed each other. Every act of kindness you give is also an investment in your own sense of purpose and belonging. So here's an exercise you can do to create meaning through connection. It's called the Connection Calendar. First, plan small acts of kindness.

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For the next week, commit to doing one intentional act of connection each day. These can be small but meaningful gestures. Call a friend you haven't spoken to in a while. Leave a handwritten note for a colleague or a family member. Pay for someone's coffee or meal. Compliment a stranger or co-worker on something specific.

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Offer help to someone who might be struggling, even if it's just lending an ear. Second, reflect on the impact. At the end of each day, jot down how the act of connection made you feel. Did it bring joy, gratitude, a sense of purpose? Why it matters. Meaningful connection isn't about grand gestures. It's about consistency.

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This exercise helps you cultivate the habit of noticing and responding to opportunities to connect, turning small moments into powerful acts of mattering. And the third thing that we can learn from A Christmas Carol is how to reclaim your purpose. Mattering isn't just about others. It's also about recognizing your own value and the impact you want to leave behind.

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Scrooge found this when he chose to help Tiny Tim. It wasn't just a gift to the Cratchits. It was a way for Scrooge to reconnect with his purpose. So what's a way you can reclaim your purpose? Take a moment to reflect on the legacy you want to create. Ask yourself, what do I want people to remember about me? What small steps can I take today to align my actions with that vision? Start small.

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Purpose doesn't have to mean changing the world overnight. It can be as simple as mentoring someone, volunteering in your community, or even just showing up for the people in your life with intention.

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reclaiming purpose is about aligning your daily choices with what truly matters to you and the impact that you want to leave behind so here's an exercise that you can do called the purpose check-in first reflect on your legacy set aside 10 minutes to journal about the following questions what do i want people to remember about me what do i want to contribute to the world how do i want to make people feel then next identify one small step choose a single action that aligns with your vision

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It could be volunteering, mentoring, or even starting a meaningful conversation with someone in your life. Lastly, set a reminder. Write this step down and set a date to act on it within the next week. For example, call my old mentor and ask how I can help with their community project. Or research local volunteer opportunities and sign up. Why it matters?

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Scrooge learned the hard way that hoarding wealth and shutting people out isn't the path to a meaningful life. But what about you? What would the ghosts of Christmas say about how you're living? Tune in and find out. Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles.

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Purpose isn't found in a single grand moment. It's built through small, intentional choices. This exercise helps you connect with what matters to you and take actionable steps towards living it out. And a final thought. Mattering isn't something that just happens. It's something we cultivate.

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By intentionally seeing others, creating meaningful connections, and aligning with purpose, we not only transform our relationships, but also enrich our own lives. So here's your final challenge. Who will you see today? How will you connect? And what small step can you take toward reclaiming your purpose? Start with one action and watch how it changes, not just someone else's life, but your own.

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So as we wrap up, I want to leave you with this question. If the ghost of Christmas past, present, and yet to come showed up at your door tonight, what would they reveal? Would the ghost of Christmas past show you moments where you turned away from connection, buried your purpose, or let fear guide your decisions?

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Would the ghost of Christmas present highlight opportunities you've missed to see others, to express gratitude, or to connect meaningfully? And what about the ghost of Christmas yet to come? Would its vision be one of fulfillment and impact, or... of regret and loneliness. Here's the good news. Scrooge's story reminds us that the future isn't set in stone.

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It's never too late to change the narrative. The choices we make, starting right now, can transform not only how we live today, but the legacy we leave behind. Your challenge is simple but profound. Take one action today to rewrite your story. Reach out to someone you've been distant from. Offer a moment of kindness to someone who might need it.

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connection in our relationships, or feel that pang of loneliness when we think no one notices what we're going through. Now flip that question around. How often do you show others that they matter? How often do you look beyond the surface of someone's life, beyond their job title, their quirks, or their flaws, and let them know they're valued? Here's the thing.

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Reflect on what truly matters to you and take one small step to align your life with that purpose. The ghost won't be visiting you tonight, but you can act as your own guide. Look at your past, engage with your present, and envision the future you want to create. Mattering isn't a luxury. It's a choice, and that choice begins now. Let's make it count.

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And that's a wrap on today's episode and on my final solo episode of 2024. I hope this exploration of A Christmas Carol and the spirit of mattering resonated with you. If it did, I'd deeply appreciate it if you could take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review.

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It's one of the simplest and most impactful ways to help others discover the show and join us in this mission to live with intention, joy, and purpose. If you know someone who could benefit from today's message, maybe someone looking to reconnect with that sense of purpose,

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or strengthen their relationships please share this episode with them together we can spread the transformative power of mattering as we close out the year i'm reminded that the lessons we've explored on this podcast don't end here i'm passionate about bringing these ideas into the world beyond the show if you're looking to inspire your team organization or community through keynote speeches workshops or events i'd love to partner with you visit johnrmiles.com speaking to

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to learn more about how we can work together to ignite growth and purpose in 2025. For everything we've discussed today, including links, resources, and exercises to help you nurture mattering in your own life, head to the show notes at passionstruck.com. Don't forget to watch the video version of this episode on our YouTube channel.

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While you're there, hit subscribe so you never miss an episode or highlight. And if you want to support the show, check out our sponsors and exclusive deals at passionstruck.com slash deals. Supporting those who supports us helps keep this content coming to you every single week. Before we go, here's a preview of next week's episode to kick off 2025.

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I'll be joined by Shira Gill, who will share her insights on creating space, not just in your home, but in your mind and your life. You won't want to miss it.

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once you've ranked each area you can jot down some quick reflections and note a thing or two you can do to improve each area for the following year thank you for choosing to spend your time with me today and throughout the year your commitment to learning growing and living a life of meaning inspires me every single day i hope this episode has added value to your journey and reminding you that mattering isn't something you wait for it's something you create and remember the fee for this show is simple if you found value here

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We all want to matter, but we rarely stop to consider what that actually means. And sometimes it takes something or someone shaking us awake to realize just how important mattering is. This brings me to A Christmas Carol. You might think of it as just another holiday tale, but I see it as one of the most profound stories about the spirit of mattering.

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share it with someone else who might benefit. Until next time, keep leaning into joy, curiosity, and purpose. And as always, live life passion struck.

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At its heart, Scrooge's journey isn't just about redemption. It's about rediscovering the value of his life and the lives of those around him. Scrooge starts off as someone who's convinced that nothing matters except his money. He cuts himself off from people, from joy, from purpose.

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But as he's forced to confront his past, present, and future, he learns that mattering isn't about wealth or status. It's about connection, compassion, and the impact that we have on others. In this episode, we're going to do a deep dive into what A Christmas Carol teaches us about mattering.

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We'll explore why it's so easy to lose sight of our own value and the value of others, how showing someone that they matter can transform not just their life, but your own, and practical ways to bring the spirit of mattering into your everyday life. Here's a question to think about as we begin. If you were visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and yet to come.

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What would they show you about the way you're living? Would they see someone who knows they matter or someone who's forgotten? Let's talk about it. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life now. Let that journey begin. Scrooge's journey in A Christmas Carol is more than a redemption story.

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It's a mirror reflecting back the ways we live our own lives. Dickens didn't write Scrooge as just a grumpy old miser to warm our hearts during the holidays. He created a character who challenges us to confront difficult questions. such as, where am I shutting people out? Where have I stopped showing others, or even myself, that we matter?

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And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays.

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At first glance, it's easy to see A Christmas Curl is a charming holiday tale. A lonely man finds the spirit of Christmas and transforms his life. But beneath the cozy surface lies a much deeper message.

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it's a psychological exploration of what happens when we let disconnection indifference and isolation take over and what it takes to find our way back to what truly matters before his famous redemption ebenezer scrooge isn't just a miser he's a case study in disconnection he was someone who had checked out emotionally

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As Adam Grant might frame it, Scrooge wasn't just hoarding money, he was hoarding himself. He had stopped believing that relationships, kindness, or connection held any value. Over time, he became a prisoner of his own indifference. Mark Manson, on the other hand, would probably call him out a little more bluntly. Scrooge's motto was basically, screw people.

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I've got my money, my solitude, and zero emotional baggage. Why complicate things? Here's the twist. That strategy doesn't make him happy. It makes him miserable. And spoiler alert, it doesn't end well. Whether you look at Adam Grant's version or Mark Manson's, Here's the key lesson. Scrooge didn't just reject kindness and connection. He rejected the idea that they had any value.

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He built a life around self-preservation, and it left him completely isolated. Scrooge didn't wake up one day and decide to become cold and indifferent. It happened slowly, the way it does for so many of us. Life throws curveballs. Loss, disappointment, stress, and we start to retreat. We stop investing in relationships. we get cynical, maybe even a little selfish.

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And before we know it, we're living in a self-imposed bubble, convinced that we don't matter, or worse, that no one else does. The brilliance of Dickens' story is that Scrooge isn't as far removed from us as we might like to think.

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sure most of us aren't hoarding gold in a dark lonely mansion but what about the modern day ways we disconnect for instance focusing on work over people how often do we pour all our energy into career goals thinking that success will bring us fulfillment only to realize it's left our relationships in the dust or letting cynicism take over scrooge's bah humbug attitude wasn't just about christmas it was about people

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He assumed the worst in everyone. Cynicism can be a shield, but it's also a prison. We often use it when we're too afraid to hope or care. And then we also neglect connection. Over time, Scrooge's isolation became a self-fulfilling prophecy. He stopped reaching out, and people stopped trying to reach him.

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When we neglect our relationships, we cut ourselves off from the very thing that gives life meaning. Here's where Scrooge's story becomes a mirror. When we cut ourselves off from others, whether through busyness, cynicism, or fear, we don't just lose out on relationships. We start losing sight of our own value too. If Scrooge teaches us anything, it's this.

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Disconnection doesn't just make life lonely. It makes it meaningless. When we disconnect from others, from joy, from purpose, we start losing sight of our own value. And when we don't see our own worth, it's almost impossible to recognize it in others. The result? A cycle of loneliness and indifference. We convince ourselves that nothing matters and we stop trying.

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But deep down, that's not what we want. Like Scrooge, what we really crave is connection, belonging, and purpose. But here's the good news. Scrooge's story is one of redemption. His life is a mirror that shows us what's possible when we choose to reconnect with ourselves, with others, and with the belief that we matter.

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Scrooge's wake-up call comes in the form of three ghosts, past, present, and future, all forcing him to confront what he's lost, what he's missing, and what he still stands to lose. But for the rest of us, the wake-up call might look different. Maybe a strained relationship reminds us we need to show up more. Maybe it's a moment of loneliness that nudges us to reach out.

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We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Welcome back, everyone, to another Momentum Friday in episode 552. Whether you're a longtime listener or brand new to the show, I am so excited to have you here.

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Or maybe it's a story like A Christmas Carol that challenges us to ask, what parts of myself am I holding back? And who might need me to show them they matter? Scrooge's story isn't just his, it's ours. The question is, are we willing to confront it? Next, we'll follow the ghosts of Christmas as they guide Scrooge and us back to the spirit of mattering.

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A Christmas Carol’s Hidden Gem: The Spirit of Mattering | EP 552

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Because the truth is, no matter how far we've drifted, it's never too late to choose connection over isolation. In A Christmas Carol, the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and yet to come aren't just spirits, they're mirrors, each reflecting a lesson about what it means to matter. Through these supernatural encounters, Scrooge is forced to confront how his actions or his

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inactions have shaped his life and the lives of those around him. Let's break them down. Let's first explore the ghost of Christmas past, or as I like to say, the loss of mattering. The first spirit, radiant and otherworldly, brought Scrooge face to face with the memories of his past. In these visions, he saw the lonely child he once was, left behind

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in a cold schoolroom while others celebrated with family and friends. This early neglect began to explain the fortress he had built around his heart, a defense mechanism against the pain of feeling forgotten. But the spirit didn't stop there. Scrooge was guided through moments of warmth and joy

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had once defined his life, the tender affection of his sister Fan, the jubilant festivities hosted by his first employer, Mr. Fezziwig, and even the spark of love he once shared with his fiancée. These glimpses were reminders of a time when Scrooge had connections, hope, and purpose. Yet intertwined with these memories were the choices that led to his isolation.

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Scrooge's relentless focus on wealth, a fixation born of fear and ambition, had driven a wedge between him and his fiancee, ultimately causing her to walk away from their shared future. When we stop engaging with our past, we stop learning from it. And when we stop learning, we lose sight of how much we still matter. For Scrooge, these visits weren't just painful reminders of what he had lost.

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They were an invitation to reflect on how unresolved pain and regret had shaped his present. His childhood neglect made him feel insignificant. And instead of seeking connection, he sought control. His ambition became his armor, but it also became his prison. And isn't that true for so many of us? When we're hurt or feel undervalued, it's easy to build walls instead of bridges.

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But as Scrooge's journey shows, these walls don't protect us, they isolate us. The Ghosts of Christmas Past teaches us a profound lesson. Our past shapes us, but it doesn't have to define us. By revisiting the moments that made us feel unseen or the choices we regret, we have the chance to reclaim our purpose and reconnect with what truly matters.

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As Scrooge begins to confront his own story, he starts to see a way forward. But the real challenge lies in the present, where the choices to see and be seen still await. Let's turn to the Ghost of Christmas Present to explore how Scrooge begins to understand the power of truly seeing others.

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The second spirit, the Ghost of Christmas Present, was a vibrant and towering figure, embodying the generosity, joy, and warmth of the holiday season. With a commanding yet compassionate presence, it transported Scrooge to scenes that revealed the richness of connection and the quiet heroism of resilience. First, Scrooge found himself in the humble home of the Cratchit family.

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Despite their modest Christmas meal and Tiny Tim's frail condition, the room was filled with love and gratitude. Tiny Tim, though physically weak, radiated hope and optimism. His courage and unwavering gratitude left an indelible mark on Scrooge, challenging his belief that wealth was the only measure of a life well-lived. The spirit then whisked Scrooge to his nephew Fred's home.

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where laughter and warmth flowed freely. Fred's joy and generosity stood in stark contrast to Scrooge's own cold and empty existence. The scenes of celebration and connection revealed the richness that comes from prioritizing people over possessions. Think of it this way. The Cratchits don't need much to feel like they matter. They've got each other.

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This is where we challenge conventional thinking and explore what it means to live with intention, purpose, and impact. And what better time to reflect on those ideas than during the special holiday week of Christmas and Hanukkah? Before we dive in to today's topic, let's take a moment to recap this week's incredible episodes.

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Meanwhile, Scrooge is sitting on a mountain of gold like a dragon, and he's still miserable. Connection trumps comfort every time. Now let's go back to the Ghost of Christmas Present. Scrooge's journey with the ghost wasn't all light and cheer. Emerging from beneath the spirit's robes were two spectral children, Ignorance and Want.

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Their haunting presence embodied the consequences of societal neglect and indifference, serving as a stark warning to Scrooge. These figures weren't just symbols of a failing society. They were reflections of the human cost of apathy, a cost Scrooge had contributed to through his own self-centeredness. The spirit's visit forced Scrooge to confront a critical truth.

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Mattering isn't just about feeling seen. It's about seeing others. The Cratchit's resilience and Fred's generosity showed Scrooge the profound power of connection and gratitude. The spectral children, Ignorance and Want, revealed the danger of turning a blind eye to the struggles of others. In our own lives, how often do we stop to truly see the people around us?

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How often do we notice their joys, struggles, and humanity? The ghost of Christmas present reminds us that paying attention is an act of care. When we take the time to see others, we not only validate their worth, but also reconnect with our own. For Scrooge, this lesson was a turning point. But the final ghost, the ghost of Christmas yet to come, would deliver the most profound,

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and unsettling challenge yet, to face the ultimate consequences of a life lived without connection, compassion, or purpose. Let's explore what this final encounter reveals. The final spirit, cloaked in shadows and silence, was a stark departure from the vibrant presence of the Ghost of Christmas Present. Its haunting stillness carried a gravity that words could not match.

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With an outstretched hand, The ghost revealed the grim future awaiting Scrooge if he failed to change. In these chilling visions, Scrooge was confronted with the aftermath of his death. There was no mourning, no sorrow, only relief and indifference. He saw his name on a cold, unmarked grave, the ultimate symbol of a life lived without connection or legacy.

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The people who once knew him regarded his passing with apathy, some even with satisfaction, as though his absence was a blessing rather than a loss. But the most harrowing vision came when the spirit returned him to the Cratchit household. This time, there was no laughter or hope. The family was shrouded in grief, mourning the death of Tiny Tim, a loss that could have been prevented.

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On Tuesday, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Dr. Abraham George, who shared remarkable insights into fostering resilience and impact through social innovation. Then on Thursday, I spoke with James Mbersabay-Ray, whose transformative conversation explored how we can rebuild purpose after profound challenges.

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Scrooge was forced to confront the weight of his indifference, realizing that his refusal to care had consequences far beyond his own isolation. The story teaches us a profound lesson. The future reminds us that our impact is defined, not by what we have, but by how we make others feel. The ghost's silence left no room for debate or denial. It exposed the raw truth.

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Scrooge's choices had not only robbed him of joy and connection,

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who depended on his humanity the ghost of christmas yet to come taps into a fear that is deeply universal the fear of leaving no legacy or dying without having made a difference for scrooge the unmarked grave and tiny tim's preventable death were devastating revelations forcing him to see how his life or lack of engagement in it had shaped the lives of others

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Skateboarding Legend Tom Schaar on How to Fall 999 Times and Still Win | EP 603

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Skateboarding Legend Tom Schaar on How to Fall 999 Times and Still Win | EP 603

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literally and metaphorically what happens when a 12 year old doesn't just dream big but becomes the first person in the world to land a trick that even the pros thought was impossible and how do you evolve when the moment that made you famous becomes just the beginning Today, we're answering those questions and more with my guest, Tom Schaar. Tom is not just a legend in the making.

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I myself am not a Navy seal, but I spent time. working with them and deploying with them when I was in the service. And one of the things that I learned while I was with them is to get over fear. We did a lot of exercises that involved breath work, mindfulness, yoga, things like that. Are any of those types of techniques, things that you've employed at all?

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I remember I was interviewing Heather Moyse. You probably have never heard who that is, but she's a Canadian Olympian who's won a couple of medals in the bobsled. And she was telling me first time she ever got in the bobsled, she was in the two seater and she was behind the driver. And no one really gave her any instructions.

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So she said that they're starting to fly down this course and she didn't know that she's supposed to duck her head. And so she's going down and she's getting the full feel of gravity and starting to pull all these G's. And she told me she's about ready to... She's starting to freak out because she sees how fast they're going and then almost blacks out and the force ends up pushing her down.

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But she definitely told me that in bobsledding fear is an, is one of the main things that you have to overcome because when they bite it, they bite it really hard. Yeah. Yeah. So I want to talk about mindset for a little bit skateboarding.

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To me, it's gotta be one of the most mentally demanding sports because you're constantly pushing limits, you're constantly risking failure, and that failure has got to get to you after a while. How do you like mentally prepare yourself for that failure and to keep attempting new tricks?

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One of the things that I talk a lot about on this podcast is the need to push boundaries and you can't ever stay comfortable with where you're at. And one of the big things, whether you're an executive, whether you're a coach, whether you're an athlete, is the mental blocks that come about when trying to push boundaries.

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He's already made history. He's the first skateboarder ever to land a 1080-degree spin, the youngest X Games gold medalist, the youngest Dew Tour and Vans Pool Party champion, and most recently, a silver medalist at the Paris Olympics. But behind these milestones is a mindset that goes far beyond skateboarding, a fearless dedication to growth, resilience, and reinvention.

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And you talked about this earlier where you went through a period of time where things weren't just clicking like they had before. When those doubts crept in, how do you analyze them? How do you overcome them? Because this is something that a lot of people face, a lot of people who are a lot older than you.

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So I wanted to go to Paris for a little bit. So it was a little bit in doubt that you would even go to Paris. Can you talk a little, talk us through that story?

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It makes you just wonder about what goes through the mind of Sean White, who we talked about or Simone Biles or some of these athletes who are expected to win and to have all that pressure and to feel like you got a whole country Like begging you to win and then when you don't. That's a lot of pressure. It is. That's why I was so happy for Sean that last Olympic when he pushed through, man.

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It's like the hero story.

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So I understand that you got to meet Snoop Dogg. I did.

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In today's conversation, we dive into what it really felt like to land that historic 1080, how Tom manages fear, and why it's part of the process. The mindset shift from prodigy to Olympic medalist, how to stay grounded when the spotlight hits, and the power of redefining success over and over again. But this episode isn't just about gravity-defying tricks.

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That is pretty awesome.

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I just have to ask you, I watched the opening ceremonies and I thought that the French did a really cool job of how, as the boats were going down, they were showing all these different events that kind of trace the history of France. How much of that did you get to experience being on the boat?

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I'm guessing it might've been something better to watch on TV than be there, but I'm interested in your perspectives.

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Do you ever go back and watch it on video?

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Yeah, they just made it so dramatic. There were a couple of things I thought were cheesy, like the dude who kept jumping over buildings the whole time. There's always going to be some cheesy stuff, but yeah. But I thought some of the performances on TV were just amazing.

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Tell me about, did you, you told me you didn't expect like you had to perform. You weren't expected to medal. You didn't have this heavy weight of pressure on you, which made you feel like you could just go out there and just go for it. Can you lead us through like what was happening in the competition? And when did you realize that you had a shot to be on the medal podium?

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It's about resilience, self-mastery, and how to stay grounded when the world is watching. Before we dive in, a quick heads up. If you're looking for a space to connect with other purpose-driven high performers, we've just launched The Ignition Room, a private membership community where podcast listeners, readers, and intentional leaders like you can go deeper on the topics we explore here.

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And I have to talk about two things more about related to the Olympics. I heard you on another show, a person asked you, what was your favorite thing about the Olympics? And you told them table tennis.

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How competitive? I haven't seen those matches in person, so you can't really judge the speed and stuff. What's it like?

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But some of those rallies go on for so long and there's so much strategy behind it, speed, all the spins that they do. Because I'm like you, I grew up playing ping pong all the time with my brother. And I always thought of myself as a pretty good ping pong player. And until I remember, I was at a family camp one year and there happened to be an Asian guy.

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when i say asian they were i can exchange student over from japan or china and i played them and i got literally annihilated it's crazy they'll be 20 feet behind the table still hitting it as hard as they can and it's it was pretty fun to watch okay and then i gotta get real here so here you are you won silver medal you're this olympian and do i have it right that you flew home in a middle seat

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Think of it as your home base for curated tools, behind the scenes access, and conversations that fuel your growth. Check the show notes to sign up. And if you're just getting started with PassionStruck, check out our episode starter packs, theme playlists on resilience, mindset, and emotional mastery at Spotify or PassionStruck.com slash starter packs.

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Thanks NBC.

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Okay. So I'm going to go back to some of the main stuff we talk about on the show. One of the core things that we like to talk about on this podcast is this innate need to feel like we matter, to feel like we belong, that our lives hold some form of significance, not just about success, but in how we impact others. Do you feel like your skating truly matters beyond the competition?

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I'm glad that's where you took it. To me, what you're doing is really filling you with purpose. It's something that you absolutely love. And the fact that you're inspiring an entire generation of young skaters has got to make you feel like the stuff that you've done, the hard work that you've put in, that it matters and that other people recognize it and make you feel like it's been worth it.

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Do you ever feel the weight of that responsibility?

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everything will work out. So what advice would you give to some of the young athletes who are listening to the show, or it could even be an older athlete who has put it in their mind that they want to do a marathon or maybe want to do a triathlon or something. And they're struggling to find that, that passion, that strength to push through the setbacks. What would you tell them to do?

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And this week, we've had some amazing conversations. On Tuesday, I spoke with Yonge Mingyur Rinpoche, one of the world's most respected meditation masters on how to awaken your true nature. And Thursday, we unpacked how sponsorship, not just mentorship, can transform a career with Carnegie Mellon's Rosalind Chao. And I have a special announcement that we just learned about today.

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What's a starting point or a trick that you have used?

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And maybe I'll just answer you another question on that. Have you ever... put a goal in front of yourself or a trick that at the onset you thought, man, this is virtually impossible, but I'm going to go for it. And what, and if you did like, how do you psych yourself up that you have the ability to do it?

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And I'm sure having those people there as you're trying these new things, they're analyzing what you're doing and probably trying it out themselves and you each using different techniques to do it probably helps in the learning curve. Yeah. You learn with each other for sure. One of the things I have really been talking to my son a lot about who's 26 is like for kids.

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who have grown up in your age group, I sometimes wonder who are the role models that you guys look up to? So as you look at people who are older than you, who do you look for inspiration? Within skating? Well, in skating or beyond.

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Yeah. I guess part of what I'm looking at is I'm very interested for younger men in understanding like, what is your definition of a man of courage? Like when you think of that, who pops in your mind? Is it, and what are the qualities or values that they possess?

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PassionStruck has earned two gold Stevie Awards. at the 2025 American Business Awards. Passion Struck was awarded gold for best business book, and the Passion Struck podcast was awarded gold for the best independent podcast. These prestigious accolades underscore Passion Struck's mission to help individuals and organizations lead with greater meaning, intention, and humanity.

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That's a good one because you need to be humble to also be self-compassionate. So I wanted to ask you a couple of things about progress and peak performance. One of the people I interviewed on the show was Sally Jenkins, who's a sports reporter. And I was asking her for the people like you who are world class and reach that elite level compared to the people who are really great.

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but never become the LeBron James or the Simone Biles. I asked her, like, what does she see different between a Steph Curry and a player just underneath them? And she was saying that It all comes down to the training and how they go through the exercises and the unseen moments when no one's looking.

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It's the extra reps that they put in, their willingness to try things that their peers aren't willing to do. Like Steph Curry learning how to dribble just as proficiently with his non-dominant hand as with his dominant one and all those things. Do you think that there's truth to what she says?

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I always love the stories that you hear of the Michael Jordan's or the Larry Bird's or the Wayne Gretzky's or these people who they're amazing. But Michael Jordan was also the first person in the practice facility. Typically the last person to leave, put in the hours was hard on his teammates, trying to uphold them to the same levels of performance that he held himself.

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It makes me wonder what does training look like for a world-class skateboarder? Like how much? Do you do weight training? How much does food come into play? Do you have to run and do things like that? What's training like?

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Okay. And I've had past guests on this show. You may or may not have ever heard of them. They're behavioral scientists like BJ Fogg and Katie Milkman, who talk about habit formation and how do you create the behaviors that influence your life and where I'm going with this is.

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Are habits something that you concentrate on and have you found your habits have been crucial in your evolution as an athlete?

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And these awards validate the impact we're making through powerful storytelling, science-backed tools, and real conversations that transform lives. Now, let's jump into this inspiring episode with a living legend of skateboarding, Olympic medalist and true PassionStruck trailblazer, Tom Schaar.

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So I've just got a few last fun questions for you. Skateboarding has changed so much over the years, even from when you got into it. How do you see the sport evolving, especially now that it's in the Olympics?

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So we've got a lot of fun things to watch over the next 10, 15 years is what you're saying.

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And what's the biggest for someone who's not in the sport, what's the biggest difference between competing at the X games versus the Olympics? I'm trying to think.

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Different way to think about it for sure. So you've completed in everything from vert to park to mega ramps. Do you have a favorite or do you thrive on being able to master all the different styles?

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so excited today to welcome Tom Schaar on PassionStruck. Welcome, Tom.

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I remember watching it years ago and it looked like a heck of a lot of fun to do it. Yeah, it is. You're still really young. You're 25, but you're already a legend in skateboarding. What do you want your legacy in the sport to be?

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So I want to go all the way back to high school and thinking about your high school classmates and everything else. If you didn't make it as a pro skateboarder, what do you think you'd be doing right now?

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Well, cool. Oh, the last question I wanted to ask you, Tom, is looking back on your journey so far, what's been the most defining moment for you, not just in skating, but in life?

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Well, I'm not even sure if you know who Steven Kotler is, but he is an author and really focuses on peak performance, but he decided to first get into park skiing when he was in his fifties. And you talk about a sport that is a young person's game, that's it. But he was able to do it and get quite good at it, which proves can do anything you set your mind to regardless of your age. Absolutely.

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As you and I were getting to know each other before we came on, I can't imagine as you were going through high school, the thought of being an Olympic medalist. I remember when I was in high school, I was just focused on how well could I perform in cross country or track. Looking back, did you ever in a million years imagine that you'd be where you are today when you were 14, 15, 16 years old?

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So Tom, I just wanted to end. I typically ask people if there's a place that someone can go to learn more about someone, you're pretty discoverable. Is there anything that you're promoting right now or want people to know that you're doing?

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Tom, thank you so much for being on PassionStruck and congratulations again on all your success and for winning that silver medal.

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And that's a wrap on this high-flying, high-impact conversation with Tom Schar. From being the first to land a 1080 at just 12 years old to standing on the Olympic podium a decade later, Tom's story reminds us that greatness doesn't just come from talent. It comes from the courage to go for it again and again. Here are a few takeaways I invite you to reflect on. First, fear doesn't go away.

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It's how you ride with it that counts. Second, you don't have to wait to be ready to start rewriting the rules. Third, success isn't about one moment. It's a mindset you keep choosing. And lastly, sometimes the biggest breakthroughs happen when no one's watching. If today's episode inspired you, please consider leaving a five-star rating and review on Apple or Spotify.

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It truly helps PassionStruck grow and reach more people who are ready to ignite their purpose. For show notes, resources, and links from today's conversation with Tom, including video highlights, head over to passionstruck.com or catch the full video interview on my YouTube channel at John R. Miles.

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If you're interested in bringing this kind of high-impact storytelling and intentional leadership to your team's organization, Check out johnrmiles.com speaking to learn more. And next up on Passion Struck, I'm joined by bestselling author and happiness expert Gretchen Rubin as we dive into her latest book, Secrets of Adulthood and What It Really Takes to Live a Life of Joy, Wisdom, and Purpose.

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Until then, remember the fee for the show is simple. If you found value, share it. But more importantly, live it because knowledge alone doesn't change the world. Action does. Until next time, live life passion struck.

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Yeah.

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Well, how did you originally get into skateboarding? Were you a cyclist at first and then transitioned or was this kind of the first passion you had?

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Yeah, I remember you and my son are about the same age. And I remember when he was in elementary school, even in middle school, he loved the rip sticks and the scooters and really anything he could, he could find out how to ride. And he's a really good snowboarder as well. So to me, the rip stick is hard for him. He just picked it up right away.

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you know what having been a skier my entire life what always does it for me is when you ski you're really leaning forward and that's what gets me on when i snowboard all the time is i catch that front lip and then those face plants hurt yeah no they do not feel good snow is not soft So I'm going to take you back in history to what we were just talking about, middle school.

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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You landed the first ever 1080 when you were just 12 years old. Can you take us back to that moment? And for a person who doesn't understand what a 1080 is, maybe explain it to them. And yeah, what was going through your mind when you finally stuck it?

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When you look at the competition today, has the 1080 become more of a regular practice skill or is it still pretty far in between to see people do it? It's still pretty far in between.

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Well, we were talking about snowboarding and I wanted to ask, what was it like to watch Sean White attempt the 1080 and then becoming the one to land at first? Did that fuel your drive at all?

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For your sport, the X Games are really the pinnacle. Can you explain how they in the sport differ from the Olympics? Because X Games is where the sport became the sport and it's more recently started to become an Olympic sport. Is that a good way to understand it?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become Passion Struck. Welcome to Passion Struck episode 603.

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People who aren't familiar with you, I'm going to just go down this path a little bit longer. So it makes sense why I'm asking you some of the questions later on in our discussion. Not only did you shock the world when you landed that 1080, but then you shocked them even more when you became the youngest X Games gold medalist after winning the Asian X Games in Shanghai.

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Can you walk us back to that experience? How much of that do you remember?

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Well, you hear a lot about parents who take their kids all over the place because they're doing club sports, whether that's club soccer or volleyball or club hockey. But it's next level when you're a parent and you take your kids to China.

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How in the world did you convince your mom to do that?

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I can see going to Australia. I love every time I go there.

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You're right about China though. I've been to Shanghai myself and man, it's such a big city with so much going on. It's a lot different from the U.S.

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So not only were you not satisfied with one record-breaking feat, you also became the youngest Dew Tour champion, the youngest Van Pools party champion, and the youngest Big Air gold medalist. It's like one after another. I guess where I wanted to go with this is how did breaking these barriers so young shape your mindset for where you are now in your career?

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Do you feel like it's a blessing or do you feel like it's a challenge to have to live up to those moments when you've accomplished so much already?

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Whether this is your first time tuning in or you've been with us for a while, thank you for joining a movement that's all about defying limits, living with intention, and making what truly matters matter most. Now, let me ask you something. What does it take to defy gravity?

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I'm going to come back to that in a second because I don't care if you're a skateboarder, you're jumping off the ski jump, you're doing the tricks in the terrain park, you're doing the Sean White types of things. All of these things demand a tremendous amount of overcoming fear. How did you process that fear?

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Because I guess before you ever landed the 1080, you probably had to practice that thing a thousand times and probably wiped out about 990 of them. That's funny, actually.

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How Deep Work Unleashes Five Keys to Mattering in Life | EP 564

Coming up next on PassionStruck. Hey friends, let me ask you something. How often do you sit down to work and actually focus? Like no distractions, no scrolling, no multitasking, just pure, deep, intentional focus. Yeah. I feel you. It's hard. But what if I told you that mastering the art of deep work is the key to unlocking your next level of success?

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But flexibility is your secret weapon. Here's a question for you. When was the last time you reviewed your routine and asked, is this actually working for me? How often do you pause, reflect, and adjust course? Imagine this. You're a sailor. You set out toward your destination, but the winds change. What do you do? You adjust your sails. You adapt. Life works the same way.

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So here's an action step for you. Schedule a reflection session this week. Take 20 minutes to review your progress. Identify what's working and adjust what isn't. Deep work isn't just about hitting career goals or getting more done. It's about creating a life that matters. A life that's aligned with your values, your purpose. and what truly lights you up when you commit to deep, meaningful work.

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You're not working harder. You're working with clarity and intention. You're making every effort count. Here's the truth. Deep work is about showing up fully engaged. It's about channeling your energy, focus, and time into work that moves the needle, not just for you, but for the people and causes that you care about.

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When you step into this practice, you start to break free from shallow tasks and distractions, uncovering the potential you've been holding back. Now, here's your final challenge. This is the moment where it all clicks into place. I want you to pick one thing, just one, that excites you. scares you, or makes your heart race. Maybe it's an idea you've been putting off.

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Maybe it's a goal that feels almost too big to touch. Whatever it is, commit to it and ask yourself, what's one small step I can take toward it right now? What distractions do I need to eliminate to make this happen? This is your life, your work, and your purpose. It's waiting for you to step up and do the deep work. Start now. Set those boundaries. Eliminate the noise.

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Dedicate time to what truly matters. Johann Wolfgang von Goth said it best, the things that matter most should never be at the mercy of things that matter least. Take this as your moment to reflect. Focus on what counts. Think about the one area in your life where the deep, meaningful work can help you create real lasting impact. This is where your most meaningful work begins.

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It's where we take on big ideas, make bold moves, and create lives that truly light us up. Let me catch you up on this week because it's been amazing. On Tuesday, I had the privilege of sitting down with Dan Heath. Oh my gosh, this guy is a genius when it comes to breaking through inertia. We dove into his book, Reset, How to Change What's Not Working. And let me just say,

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Stop letting business drown out what truly matters. By committing to deep work, you're giving yourself the space to step into your potential. This isn't just about your work. It's about your future. And it starts now. And that's a wrap on today's episode. And let me tell you something. You're not just a passive listener. You're here because you're ready to level up. And that fires me up.

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Deep work isn't just a productivity hack. It's about cutting through the noise, reclaiming your focus, and creating a life that aligns with what truly matters. If this episode hit you like a lightning bolt or even just sparked a tiny shift, don't let it stop here. Here's what you can do right now. Leave a five-star review.

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Seriously, it takes 30 seconds and those reviews are how people who need the show find it. You make that happen. Second, share this episode with someone who needs it. Maybe it's a coworker drowning in busy work, a friend who feels stuck, or someone looking for clarity. Be the one who helps them take that first step. Want to take things even deeper?

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I'm passionate about sharing these principles with teams, leaders, and organizations. If today's conversation resonated with you and you think your company or group could benefit, let's connect. Through keynote speeches, workshops, and events, I help ignite purpose, intentionality, and growth. in workplaces around the world. Head over to JohnRMiles.com slash speaking to learn more.

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Are you wondering what's next? Next week, I'm bringing you a mind-blowing conversation with my friend, Dr. Dave Vago, a neuroscientist and mindfulness expert. And we talk about how mindfulness rewires your brain for connection, belonging, and intentional living. Trust me, you don't want to miss it.

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You're not just listening when you come here to the podcast. You're investing in yourself. So take what you've learned today, apply it, and keep showing up for you because no one else can do that. And remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value, share it, post it, text it, email it, get it into the hands of someone who can benefit.

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Until next time, keep chasing the stuff that matters, keep taking bold steps, and as always, live life passion-struck.

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His strategies for finding leverage points to driving meaningful change are absolutely mind-blowing. If you've been feeling stuck, you need to check it out. Then on Thursday, we took a master class in conversation with the one and only Dr. Allison Wood Brooks. She's the Harvard professor who is revolutionizing the way we think about talking to each other.

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Her talk framework, consisting of topics asking levity and kindness, will not only change how you connect with others, but also how you show up in every relationship. It's game-changing. Trust me. And last week, I shared a solo episode about how to create a culture of mattering. I mean, think about it. Don't we all just want to feel like we matter?

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I broke down how to intentionally create environments at home, at work, or in your community where people feel seen, valued, and heard. If you missed that one, go back and give it a listen. It's such an important message. If you're new here, let me just say, welcome to the family. We've got over 560 episodes packed with inspiration and actionable advice.

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And I know it can be hard to figure out where to start. That's why we've created episode starter packs, curated playlists to help you dive into topics like mindset, resilience, and leadership. You can find them on passionstruck.com slash starter packs or on Spotify.

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oh and don't miss my live intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com every week i send out tips challenges and tools to help you crush it in every area of your life and if you haven't subscribed to the youtube channel yet what are you waiting for head over for highlights behind the scenes and so much more and i also want to mention that a week ago i was in orlando and i did

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Whether you're building a business, chasing a dream, or just trying to make it through your to-do list without losing your mind, this one thing can change everything. In today's episode, I'm breaking down the strategies behind deep work. We'll talk about how to protect your brain from constant distractions, build focus like a muscle, and get more done in less time.

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the Master of Ceremonies for the Podcast Hall of Fame. I'll put a link to the YouTube video in the show notes, but this was one of the most inspirational events I've ever been part of, and I am so happy for the 11 new inductees into the 2025 class of the Podcast Hall of Fame. Okay, here's what we're getting into today. It happens to be a Momentum Friday episode, and you know what that means.

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It's all about giving you the tools to take intentional action and move the needle in your life. So let's jump in and get started. You're going to love this one. Listen up. When was the last time you felt what you were doing truly mattered? Not just another mindless task. Not just another hour on autopilot, but a real moment where your actions electrified the world around you.

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We have been conditioned by society to reduce our entire human worth to a job title. Think about it. How many times have you been at a cocktail party and someone asks, what do you do? And suddenly your entire existence gets compressed into a two sentence elevator pitch.

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but here's the truth your significance is not determined by a title a salary or how impressive your linkedin profile looks deep work isn't about grinding harder it's about engaging deeper it's about showing up fully in everything you do it's about connecting your actions to something bigger than yourself most people are sleepwalking through life checking boxes following scripts, but not you.

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You're here because you want more. You want meaning. You want to know that when you lay your head down at night, you've done something that matters. Deep work is your rocket fuel to a life of purpose. It's about intentional focus. It's about breaking free from shallow distractions and building something extraordinary. Are you ready to dig deeper?

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Are you ready to craft a life that doesn't just exist but matters? Let's freaking do this. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. We're about to have a brutally honest conversation about how you're spending your time. Not how you think you're spending it.

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Not how you want to spend it. But how you're actually spending it. Most people are living a pinball life. And I talk about this in my book, Passion Struck. You're busy. You're doing all the things. But let me ask you, are you alive? Are you moving forward? Or are you just reacting to the chaos? I get it.

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Life throws notifications, emails, and endless demands at you, and you just keep bouncing from one thing to the next. But here's the truth. Being busy is not the same as making progress. And today, we're going to change that. Let's get into a deep discussion on deep work. Now the first thing you might be asking is, what is deep work? It's not just some magical productivity hack.

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If you're ready to crush your goals and finally get back in control of your time, this is the episode you've been waiting for. Let's do this. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you.

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It's a radical commitment to what truly matters. Deep work isn't just about focusing. It's about laser-focused intention. Imagine this. You're working so deeply on a task. that the world, it fades away. Hours fly by, and when you come up for air, you have created something extraordinary. This is how you create real magic in your life. Cal Newport said it best in Deep Work, his book.

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In a world of noise and distraction, your ability to focus is your ultimate superpower. Think about that. Your focus isn't just an advantage. It's your edge in a hyper-connected, over-stimulated world. Look, we live in a world of constant distraction. Notifications, emails, social media, they're screaming for your attention. But deep work, that's your secret weapon.

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It's about choosing work that lights you up, whether you're writing a novel, Launching a business or volunteering, this is about creating something that matters. And let me break down why this matters. Your time is the most precious resource that you have, period. When you engage in deep work, you're not just checking boxes. You're investing in yourself.

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You're investing in your dreams, your goals. and your purpose. You're saying, this matters. I matter. My work matters. Now I want to talk about the brutal truth regarding your workflow. Let's get honest right now. I want you to answer these questions. When was the last time that you worked on something that made you lose track of time? How many hours do you spend scrolling instead of creating?

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And when was the last project that genuinely made your heart race with excitement? If you're squirming right now, good. That means we're about to hit something important. I want to go into one of the biggest things that plagues so many of us, the busy trap. It's such a big issue that I did a whole solo episode dedicated just to this topic in episode 477, if you want to check it out.

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And here's what's really happening. You've bought in to the lie that busy equals productive. You go about your day answering emails like a champ, hopping into meetings like it's your job. Oh wait, it is. Checking notifications like your life depends on it. But where's the progress? Most of what you're doing is noise.

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You're a hamster on a wheel, working harder and harder and harder and harder, but getting nowhere. This ends today. Remember, this is your life, your work, your purpose. And productivity isn't about doing more. It's about doing what actually matters. It's being intentional, which means choosing your path. Not the path everyone else expects. Not the safe route. Your route.

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The one that makes your heart race with possibility. Now I want to talk about how do you put this deep work into action. And I'm going to explore this through the five pillars of meaningful work. The first pillar is intentional focus. Stop treating your attention like an unlimited resource. It's not. Think of your attention as currency.

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Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

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Every time you check your phone, respond to a pointless email, or scroll aimlessly, you're spending it. Are you investing in something meaningful, or are you just bleeding energy? Let me ask you this. When was the last time you set aside an hour, uninterrupted, to focus on just one task? How many times a day do you shift between tabs, apps, or tasks?

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Convincing yourself that multitasking is productive. Here's the truth. Multitasking is a lie. It's the illusion of progress. The only way to move forward is to go deep. Laser focus on one thing at a time. So here's an action step I want to give you. Block off one hour tomorrow. Just one. Turn off notifications. Close all tabs except what you need. Dive in.

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Notice how it feels to give something your full attention. The second pillar of meaningful work is learning how to set hardcore boundaries. Let's be real. Most of us are people pleasers. We say yes to meetings, favors, tasks, and commitments. We know we shouldn't take on. Why? Because we're afraid of disappointing people. But let me tell you something.

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Every time that you say yes to something that doesn't align with your goals, you're saying no to your dreams. Think about that. Every time that you say yes to something that doesn't align with your goals, you're actually saying no to your dreams. And here's the brutal truth. Your dreams, they're under attack. by other people's agendas. If you don't fiercely protect your time, no one else will.

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And I go deep into this in two sections of my book, Passion Struck. One, on the need to conduct a mosquito audit. In this chapter, I go into three different types of pesky mosquitoes that infiltrate our lives. The pain in the asses, the invisible suffocators, and the bloodsuckers. And it's so important that you recognize them because you are doing yourself a huge favor.

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Once you do, it allows you to set boundaries to keep them out of your inner core. So imagine this. Someone asks you to do a last-minute favor. Instead of defaulting to yes, I want you to do that mosquito audit. How are these people trying to use your boundaries? And if they are one of these mosquitoes, maybe try this. Say, I'd love to help, but I'm fully committed right now.

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And here's another thing you can do. When your phone dings, ask yourself, does this deserve my attention right now, or is it stealing my focus? Here's an action step that I want you to take. Set one non-negotiable boundary today. Maybe it's turning off your phone during dinner.

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Maybe it's going through the five closest people to you in your life and seeing if they match one of those mosquitoes I talked about. Maybe it's saying no to a meeting that doesn't serve your goals. Start small, but start now. And that brings us to the third pillar, embracing boredom. This one's going to sting a little bit. Boredom is not your enemy. It's actually where your best ideas live.

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Let me explain. We live in a world where we're constantly entertained. The second we feel a twinge of boredom, we grab our phones, scroll social media, or binge Netflix. I am just as guilty of it as the rest of you. But when you avoid boredom, you're also avoiding creativity. Think about it. When was the last time you let your mind wander, like truly wander, without a screen in sight?

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Remember those brilliant ideas that come to you in the shower? That's what happens when your brain has space to think. And here's the kicker. Creativity doesn't show up on demand. It sneaks in when you're quiet, still, and yes, bored. So here's an action step you can take. Designate one boredom session this week. Go for a walk with no phone. Sit quietly with a journal.

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Let your mind roam and see where it takes you. And the fourth pillar to doing deep, meaningful work is energy management. Your energy is your most powerful asset, and managing it is the key to unlocking your full potential. Forget about grinding through tasks when you're exhausted. Instead, focus on showing up as your best. most energized self. Let's break it down.

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Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey there, PassionStruck fam. Welcome to episode 564 of the PassionStruck podcast. I am so fired up that you're here. Whether you're a loyal listener who's been rocking with me for a while, or this is your very first time, I want you to know this space is all about you.

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Think of your energy as a battery. Every decision you make, every notification you check, every meeting you sit through is draining that battery. The question is, are you recharging it enough? Or are you running on empty? Here's the truth. Success isn't about doing everything. It's about doing what matters when you have the energy to do it best. You can't pour from an empty cup.

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Imagine an athlete who pushes themselves to peak performance during training, but prioritizes rest and recovery afterward. That's how you need to treat your energy. Identify what drains you and what recharges you and structure your day accordingly. Ask yourself, what activities light me up? What makes me feel depleted?

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Once you're clear on that, you can start building your days around tasks that align with your energy levels. So here's an action step you can take. This week, track your energy. Notice when you're feeling most motivated, the most creative, or the most focused. Use those moments for your high priority tasks. And give yourself permission to rest when your battery is low.

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Protect your energy like your dreams depend on it. Because they do. And this brings us to the last pillar of meaningful work, doing constant reflection and adjustment. Your goals aren't static. Your life isn't static. So why would you let your workflow be? Here's the problem. Most people set goals, create a plan, and then stick to it, even when it's not working. They're afraid to pivot.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck, have you ever felt like you're doing everything right, but still feel like something's wrong? You've got the habits, the structure, maybe even the success, but deep down, you're misaligned. This episode isn't about more mindset hacks. It's about the quiet reason your clarity, peace, and energy keep slipping through the cracks. Because maybe the problem isn't you.

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It's a map, a way to build the life you keep trying to push through without burning out in the process. And this episode is part of something bigger. Over the past few weeks, we've had some of the most raw, insightful, and empowering conversations we've ever done on Passion Strap. all centered around mental health as the foundation of intentional living.

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Here are just a few voices that helped shape this series. Yonge Mingor Rinpoche taught us how to befriend discomfort and cultivate joy, even in chaos. Dr. Andrew Newberg revealed how contemplative practice and neuroscience come together to regulate emotion and deepen awareness. Biat Simkin cracked open what it means to live awake, raw, and fully present in the face of grief and beauty.

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Elizabeth Weingarten gave us a new way to reflect with questions that lead to clarity and growth. Gretchen Rubin reminded us that emotional awareness isn't fluffy, it's practical. And it starts with knowing what truly makes you feel like you. Every one of these conversations pointed to a larger truth. Mental health isn't the absence of pain.

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It's the presence of alignment, support, and inner infrastructure. So here's what I want you to ask this week. What part of my environment isn't reflecting who I really am anymore? Not what's broken, not what needs to be fixed, just what needs to be realigned.

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Start with one part of your home, a habit that needs to evolve, a relationship that needs more honesty, a meaning you've lost touch with, a space you need to reclaim. Because when you create a system that reflects your truth, you don't just cope better, you live better. And that's the goal. Not just survival, but a life change. that feels like you.

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And if this episode moved you, share it, talk about it, most of all, live it. And if you want more support in building a life that feels like home, subscribe to the Ignited Life, our weekly sub stack with tools, reflections, and ideas to help you design your life from the inside out. Join the Ignition Room, our free community where the conversation continues beyond the mic.

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So as you take this framework home and into your own life, I hope it gives you a new lens, not just for what to do, but for how to live in a way that reflects who you really are. Because sometimes the breakdowns we experience aren't failures, They're signals that systems around us no longer fit. And next week, we're diving even deeper into that idea.

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Coming up next on PassionStruck, I'm joined by Dr. Judith Joseph, psychiatrist and author of High Functioning, Overcome Your Hidden Depression and Reclaim Your Joy. It's a powerful compliment to this episode.

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Each week, I'm sharing ideas on personal mastery, emotional fitness, and the quiet architecture of a meaningful life. Tools and stories I've never shared anywhere else. No clickbait, no noise, just real clarity for people who want to live intentionally. especially when the world gets loud. You can sign up now at theignitedlife.net or by going to passionstruck.com.

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While today we focused on building the ecosystem that supports your mental well-being, Dr. Joseph shines a light on what happens when you don't, when high performance masks hidden pain and the people who seem fine are quietly falling apart.

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Until next time, notice more, name what matters, and live life.

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I promise it'll stretch you in the best way. And if you're already a subscriber, thank you. This movement is growing because of you. Now onto today's episode. We've spent May honoring Mental Health Awareness Month, not just by talking about symptoms, but by asking deeper questions. In episode 606, we explored why mental health is the root of everything that matters.

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In episode 609, I shared five practices that help anchor you in seasons of uncertainty. And in episode 612, we dug into how to reframe your inner world for resilience. And the conversations this past week pushed that even further. On Tuesday, I was joined by Joseph Nguyen.

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author of Don't Believe Everything You Think, where we unpack how our thoughts can become prisons and how releasing your grip on mental stories opens the door to clarity, peace, and self-compassion. Then on Thursday, Janet Edley joined me to explore the intersection of Eastern philosophy, healing, and the art of living consciously.

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Her perspective on compassion, acceptance, and internal alignment brought a grounded spiritual lens to the work of mental well-being. Today, we continue that thread with a more holistic question. What if the problem isn't that you're broken, but that your environment doesn't reflect who you are?

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This episode is about building something deeper, a mental health ecosystem designed to match your values, support your growth and protect your energy. Because your mental well-being doesn't exist in a vacuum. It lives in the daily patterns, people, and places you move through. And if those things constantly pull you out of alignment, no amount of mindset work will feel sustainable.

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So today, I'll walk you through a framework I call HOME. Not just an acronym, but as a metaphor. Because that's what we're really talking about. creating a mental home, a place you can return to inside and out that feels like you. Let's get into it. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life.

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Now, let that journey begin. I want to take you back to a moment I've never really talked about before. Ten years ago, my body staged an intervention. I had just stepped into a new CEO role of a software company. I was navigating a divorce, adjusting to life as a single dad, and on the outside, I was holding it all together, or at least I thought I was.

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Maybe it's the system you're living in. Today, I'm walking you through a powerful framework, not to fix yourself, but to build a life that finally fits. It's not just about mental health. It's about coming home to who you really are. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles.

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Then, one morning after a workout, something in my body snapped. My chest tightened. My heart started racing. It felt like a heart attack. It wasn't. It was anxiety. What I thought was cardiac was actually systemic. My body sounding the alarm that the pressure I was under had reached a breaking point. I was doing everything right, working out, showing up, managing life like a pro.

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But on the inside, I was overwhelmed, overextended, emotionally unsupported. That was the moment I learned something that I wish more people talked about. Mental health isn't a checklist. It's an ecosystem. And what I learned is that you can't hack your way out of misalignment. You can journal, meditate, go to therapy, work out.

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You can do everything right and still feel like you're falling apart if your environment is quietly eroding your resilience. Sound familiar? You're pouring energy into your mental health, but the peace doesn't stick. The clarity doesn't last. The tension keeps creeping back in. The problem might not be you. The problem might be your environment.

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You can't thrive in a life that only accepts the filtered version of you. You can't breathe fully in spaces where you're always performing to belong. Mental health isn't just internal. It's ecological. In fact, in a recent study published in JAMA Psychiatry, a global team of researchers from ecology, psychiatry, and system science proposed a radical shift in thinking.

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Mental Health Behaves Like a Complex System. Led by Professor Martin Sheffer, the researchers compared the human mind to ecological systems like lakes and forest. Dr. Sheffer had spent years studying how natural environments like lakes stay balanced. how water remains clear instead of turning murky, and how seemingly stable systems can suddenly collapse when pushed too far.

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A lake doesn't go toxic overnight, he said. It hits a tipping point. At first, everything looks fine, but the balance starts slipping. The clarity fades and then suddenly it crashes. The parallels to mental health, he said, are hard to miss. Our minds work the same way. We're resilient until we're not. Stress accumulates. Alignment slips. support thins out, and then snap.

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This model changes everything. It moves us out of shame and into strategy. Mental health works the same way. Stress builds, support thins out, resilience erodes, and then this isn't about willpower. It's about system design. And over the past month on PassionStruck, we've explored episode 600, the power of being seen and why mattering is medicine. Episode 606,

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Why mental health is the quiet route of everything that matters. Episode 609, how to build habits that anchor you. And episode 612, how to reframe your inner world for real resilience. But here's the truth we haven't named out loud yet. You can do all the right things for your mind and still struggle if your environment doesn't reflect your values.

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That is why I created HOME, a framework for building not just better habits, but an environment that honors who you are and supports who you're becoming. So let's get into it. Let's start with H, habits aligned with your identity. Most people focus on habits for productivity, but the better question is, Habits for what version of me?

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And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays.

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In episode 609, we talked about internal credibility, the quiet self-trust you build when you show up for yourself, even when no one's watching. This idea is backed by self-determination theory, which I explored in death in episode 386 with one of the theory's co-founders, Dr. Richard Ryan. Self-determination theory shows that wellbeing is driven by three core psychological needs.

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First, there's autonomy. I feel like I have a choice. Second, there's competence. I feel capable. And third, relatedness. I feel connected. When your habits reflect your true identity, not just your performance mask, they naturally fulfill these needs. Habits... are more than behavior. They're identity signals. So ask yourself, am I doing this because it's me or because it's expected?

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Does this support the person I'm becoming? And lastly, do my routines feel nourishing or performative? The wrong habits, even if they're healthy, can become quiet stressors. Alignment is the goal, not optimization. We'll get into the O of home in just a moment. But since it's Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to remind you that this entire series is about more than insight. It's about support.

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That's why we created two spaces to go even deeper. The Ignition Room, our free community for honest conversation, reflection prompts, and showing up real. And the Ignited Life, our new sub stack with weekly strategies, behind the scenes stories, and personal tools I don't share anywhere else.

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If this episode is resonating, those spaces are where you'll find real time support to put it into practice. Links are in the show notes. Welcome back. We just talked about the H in home because habits aren't just about doing more. They're about doing what actually fits who you are and who you're becoming. Now let's move into the second pillar of your mental health ecosystem.

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And for this one, I want you to picture your inner world like a house. Even the strongest foundation means nothing if the walls around you don't hold. And this leads us to O, others who see and support you. Let's be honest. you can be doing everything right internally and still feel unstable if the people around you are misaligned. Your mental health doesn't exist in a vacuum.

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It's shaped, supported, and sometimes strained by the relationships you live inside every day. In episode 606, I introduced the mattering mental health loop. When we believe we matter, we engage. When we engage, We notice, and when we notice, we act with care. But that loop only works if you're surrounded by people who reflect your truth, not just your output.

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This is where James Cohen and Lane Beck's research on social baseline theory comes in. Their research shows that the human brain is wired for co-regulation. not isolation. Just being near someone you trust literally lowers your perceived threats and reduces stress responses. It's not metaphorical, it's neurological.

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In episode 600, I shared how micro moments of mattering, a message, a glance, a note, can feel like oxygen. Those moments remind us I still register in someone else's world. These aren't sentimental extras. They're emotional infrastructure. So ask yourself, who sees me beyond my performance? Who do I not have to earn my belonging with? Where am I pretending to be okay just to keep the peace?

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We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey everyone, John here, and welcome to episode 615 of Passion Struck.

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The walls of your mental home are made of people who hold you, not hollow you. Your nervous system doesn't just need safety. It needs connection that doesn't require a performance. Now, picture this. You've built the foundation. You have support beams around you, but inside the walls, you still feel empty, unmoored, like something's missing.

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That's when it's time to talk about your compass, the internal signal that keeps you from drifting. And this leads us to the letter M in home. meaning anchors you return to. Let me say something you already know. You can feel busy and still feel lost. In episode 609, we explored the idea of drift. When your life looks fine on the surface, but inside, you've lost your sense of purpose.

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That's when you need an anchor, not a big mission. but a small signal of meaning that keeps you steady. Psychologist Emily Asfani-Smith calls this purpose with a pulse. It doesn't have to be a grand vision, just something you can touch today that reminds you of who you are. Meaning isn't a five-year plan. It's a thread you can hold onto when things unravel.

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And this ties directly back to self-determination theory. Autonomy gives you choice. Competence gives you confidence, but meaning gives you continuity, a through line that carries across seasons. So ask yourself, what value still feels true, no matter what season I'm in? What part of me stays intact, even when circumstances fall apart?

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And what kind of impact do I want to leave in the spaces I enter? These aren't just existential prompts, they're mental stabilizers. And as we explored in episode 600, when you live like what you do might matter, the world starts responding that way. Choose one value today. Live it in a small, meaningful action. That's not just movement. That's alignment.

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And alignment is how you find your way back home. So now you've laid the foundation. You've surrounded yourself with people who see you. You're rooted in meaning. But now the question becomes, do you have space to breathe? Because even the most beautiful home can become unlivable if it's packed to the walls. And this leads us to the final letter in home.

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E, emotional space that protects your energy. We live in a culture of compression, calendars with no margin, expectations with no exit. But emotional health requires space. In episode 612, I introduced the idea of emotional margin, the pause between demand and depletion, the moment where you're allowed to feel without immediately needing to fix.

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This concept is backed by ecological systems theory, which teaches us that we exist in nested environments like home, work, and society. And when every single layer is chaotic or demanding, even the healthiest minds start to unravel. That's why ecosystems have buffer zones, things like wetlands, forests, shorelines.

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They absorb impact, they protect the core, and you need the same because you can't access clarity in an environment that never lets you exhale. So ask yourself, where can I create white space without guilt? What boundary protects my energy Not out of fear, but self-respect. And what small rituals help me metabolize emotion instead of stockpiling it? Emotional space isn't a luxury. It's structural.

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Before we get into today's conversation, I want to share something that's been a long time coming. We have officially launched the Ignited Life, our new Substack platform this week. It's not just a newsletter. It's a home for everything we talk about here, written, unpacked, and made real. If the podcast is where you hear the spark, The Ignited Life is where you hold the flame.

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The room you live in mentally needs quiet. Not just intention. Rhythm. Not just motion. Margin. Not just meaning. So let's bring today's discussion full circle. Back to that morning. Back to the racing heart. The tight chest. the moment I thought I was having a heart attack. Back to a version of me that looked high functioning and felt like I was holding it all together by a thread.

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At the time, I didn't know what I needed. I thought maybe it was stress, maybe exhaustion, maybe just more effort. But now looking back with a new lens, I see it clearly. What I needed wasn't more productivity. It was a better ecosystem. If I had had the home framework back then, I would have recognized that my habits, though structured, weren't aligned with my identity.

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I would have seen that others around me, though present, didn't fully see me or support the internal shift I was navigating. I would have looked for meaning, not just movement, to recenter in the chaos. And I would have created the emotional space I needed to breathe. without guilt. Home isn't just a model.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Well, I'm glad you brought that all up because skating is more than just competition and The skating community is really a family. And this year, that family suffered an unimaginable loss with the tragic plane crash that took over 28 skaters, coaches. and family members traveling to Washington, DC. And it hit me personally because I also lost a friend and Naval Academy classmate in that accident.

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When something like that happened, Vincent, how does the skating world come together? And what do you think about carrying forward the legacy of those we've lost?

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On Tuesday, I sat down with Nir Eyal to discuss how we can break free from distractions and and master the art of deep focus. Then on Thursday, Anne Marie Anderson joined me to explore the intersection of storytelling, leadership, and performance, and how we can show up more powerfully in every area of our life. If you've missed either of these, I highly recommend going back to listen.

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So how do you, yeah, it is so heartbreaking. And how do you think that changes the intermediate novice and junior levels right now going forward in the United States world of skating?

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Yeah, well, thank you for sharing all that. Yeah, my friend, his name was Brian Ellis. And when we were at the academy, he was the backup quarterback and then became the starting quarterback and had not even been into that position very long when he had kind of a career ending injury. I remember him.

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walking around for a while with his mouth taped shut as a result of some of the injuries he sustained. But he went on to become a Marine and ironically, a Marine Corps helicopter pilot. And had gotten out of the service and was working for one of the big four consulting firms and happened to be on his way back from a work project he was on when he was impacted as well.

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And I know for us as a class and for many of his, especially football teammates, it was especially hard because he had been one of those guys who had always been a major support to his teammates and had uplifted them. And so I think similar To you, it was just such a shock to hear of his passing and of the loss and the void that it now brings to his friends and his immediate family.

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They're packed with insights that will help you elevate your mindset and reclaim your time. Now, let me ask you this. How do you redefine success when the world sees you as a champion? What happens when you've reached the pinnacle of your sport yet still face adversity, setbacks, and personal transformation? And how do you take all of those experiences and use them to shape the next generation?

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Thank you. Well, I want to go back to your journey and you being these kids age, um, because you talked about earlier, your mom gave up everything. And at that time you weren't very good, but in just a few short years, you won titles at the intermediate novice and junior levels becoming the youngest junior champion ever. What do you think gave you an edge so early on in your career?

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And was there any type of defining moment where you felt like you truly stepped into an elite level of skating?

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I want to go there in a couple of moments and explore more about that mindset. But since we were just talking about the quad Lutz, you made history at the 2018 Olympics as the first skater to ever land a quad Lutz in Olympic competition. And just to give the listeners some perspective in case They don't know your background.

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My understanding was at that Olympics, you were the youngest member of the US team, as I understand it. At the time, were you aware of how historic that moment was?

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That's exactly what we're diving into today with Olympic gold medalist and figure skating trailblazer Vincent Joe. Vincent's story is extraordinary. He made history as the first skater to land a quadruple Lutz at the Olympics, became a two-time world bronze medalist, and helped Team USA secure gold in the 2022 Winter Games. But his journey hasn't been without struggle.

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Well, I want to go into mindset just a little bit more here, because as you talked about earlier in the interview, figure skating is notorious for its intense training demands. The amount of time that you're on the ice, how you have to learn to push balancing your limits with protecting your body. But some of these.

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Techniques that you're doing, you're constantly trying to push the limits because that's what everyone in the sport is trying to do is to get technically sharper and sharper. When you think back upon it, like how did your mind go there? Knowing that some of these things are going to be dangerous, that some of these things haven't been done before.

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From battling injuries and mental health challenges, to having to make the painful decision to withdraw from his Olympic event due to COVID-19. In today's conversation, we explore the mindset of a champion and what it takes to perform under pressure. His fight for clean sport and the long road for finally receiving his Olympic gold medal.

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What gave you that wherewithal to say to yourself that I can do this?

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I want to talk to you about unforeseen events. So they have played a major role in your career for a long time. At 12, you had knee surgery that kept you out for two seasons. But when I think about myself and the emotional roller coaster, it would havoc on me. Injuries like that, when you're young, you have time to recover from.

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But in the 2022 Olympics, you were faced with a different type of situation. These were supposed to be the Olympics you broke out. These were likely going to be that time when you had a chance to get a gold, silver, or bronze from an individual standpoint. And out of nowhere, the day before you're supposed to perform, you come down with COVID and had to withdraw from that event.

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I can't even imagine it. I watched your video and saw the emotion you were trying to process. But for someone who's listening and I just want to take him to that situation because here you have trained up to that point your entire life for that moment. And then in an instant, it's taken away from you. What was the hardest part of that experience? Was it missing your shot?

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Or was it more feeling like the circumstances were out of your control?

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We go into how Vincent balances life as an elite athlete and his academic journey at Brown University. And lastly, we go into his passion for mentorship and how he hopes to shape the future of figure skating. And speaking of mentorship, we're also joined by Kirk Spahn, founder of the Institute for Civic Leadership, known as ICL, a nonprofit dedicated to empowering the next generation of leaders.

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Well, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine that position I have faced. Certain things in my life that are similar in nature, but don't compare to that amount of emotion you would have faced at that time. But for someone who might be listening, who has prepared for something really hard and had it taken away from them in your situation, what would be your advice to them on how do you move past this?

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Thank you so much, Vincent, for answering. And I know those aren't easy questions for anyone to have to address. And I'm going to just let Kirk know that I know he's there. I want to ask you one other question and then I'm going to dive into bringing him on so he knows. Awesome.

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So Vincent, at that same Olympics, you did get to make history, although it took you a while to get the final result that you had won a gold medal, which took two and a half years later. Did winning that gold medal bring closure for you or did it make you reflect on everything you had to endure for those two years before you received it?

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ICL has worked with world-class athletes, changemakers, and icons from Novak Djokovic and Kerry Walsh Jennings to Bill Clinton and Alicia Keys to instill values of resilience, service, and personal growth in young people. Kirk joins us in the final segment to discuss how Vincent and other champion mentors are using their experiences to inspire and elevate the next generation.

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Absolutely. And I know even days before you got the medal, there was still appeals up in the air that were finally released. So it really took you down to the final hours to even realize you were getting on a plane to Paris, as I understand it.

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Well, congratulations. You achieved that gold medal that you had set your heart on for so many years. So such an incredible and rewarding experience. And in many ways, I think the way you got to receive it out of COVID with your parents and coaches and everyone there in front of the Eiffel Tower may have been worth the wait.

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You're in this position where you get to do the same for the next generation. And I know giving back is something that's really important to you, whether it's inspiring young skaters, advocating for the clean sport, like we've just been talking about, or even thinking about a long-term goal of opening your own skating school.

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This episode is a masterclass in resilience reinvention and what it truly means to lead with purpose. Vincent's story reminds us that success isn't just about what you achieve. It's about the impact you leave behind. And for those of you who want to dive deeper, check out our episode starter packs at Spotify or passionstruck.com slash starter packs.

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But this idea of mentorship and leadership is at the heart of the work that's being done by the Institute for Civic Leadership, ICL, which has built an incredible network of champions, entrepreneurs and changemakers who are committed to guiding this next generation. And to expand on that, I'm going to bring on the founder of the ICL with us now.

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But Kirk and Vincent, I would hope you guys could both talk a little bit about the ICL and Kirk, why you founded it and Vincent, why it's so important for you to be a part of it. So I'll turn it over to you, Kirk. Welcome to the show. It's great to see you, Kirk.

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With over 580 episodes, we've curated playlists to help you find the inspiration that resonates most with you. And don't forget to subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com for exclusive insights, challenges, actionable strategies, and behind-the-scenes content. Now, let's dive into this powerful conversation with the one and only Vincent Zhou.

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And Vincent, I just want to ask you a little bit about that. Maybe through this, if you could go back and design a perfect support system for yourself as a younger skater and athlete, knowing that ICL is now here and available, what would that look like?

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I am so honored today to have Vincent Zhou on PassionStruck. Welcome Vincent.

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Kirk, as I was listening to you talk about that, it dovetailed so incredibly well with the book I released last year titled Passion Struck. But I really explore how passion, the components of grit, as Angela Duckworth has laid out, and intentionality lead to this passion. life that I call of being passion struck, which you just did basically a great demonstration.

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It's how Vincent has lived his life. It's being so passionate about a goal that you want to achieve or a problem that you want to solve that you're willing to do whatever it takes and risk it all to get there, whether that's risking injuries, risking your opportunity to have a childhood like a normal person would have had.

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Whatever it takes, you're willing to go for it to achieve the goals that you set out. But I think you brought up something that's really important, and that is our value, our characters, our individuality play a huge role in doing it because it's got to be something that is innate to you and what lights you up inside or else it's not going to matter in the same way. So thank you for sharing that.

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So I wanted to ask you both this question and Kirk, I'll let you go first. And in a world that sometimes feels increasingly individualistic, why do you believe mentorship and leadership through service are more important than ever?

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Well, thank you so much. And it's such an honor to have you here today. And I think maybe for our audience, the best beginning point is often the starting line. So maybe we should just start there. And what drew you to the ice when you were three, four or five years old? Oh,

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It absolutely is. And not only have I had Olympic athletes Like Vincent on the show, I've had Paralympians as well, such as Dan Knosson has been on the show.

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Oksana Masters has been on the show and just hearing what they have had to go through and to pick themselves up and to go out there and perform given how much pain at times they have to go through just to be able to suit up and get out there makes you realize

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that anything is possible when you put your mind to it, but nothing is possible if you don't have a community that's helping you and cultivating a sense of mattering inside of you that you're seeing that you're valued, that you're appreciated and that your voice carries weight.

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And I think that's what a lot of this gen alpha that's coming up and also gen Z, which Vincent and my kids are experiencing have been missing in their lives. So I'm so glad that's part of what you're doing with ICL as well.

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Well, thank you both so much for going through that. And I think Vincent, what you brought up is something that my kids are 21 and 25 right now. And it's something I hear from them all the time and how they've been growing up and what they have been longing for. Vincent, I wanted to close with a question for you. You have navigated a ton of transitions, even in your young life from

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child prodigy to elite skater from Olympian and Ivy League student to now competitor to advocating for others. What's been the hardest transition for you?

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Ice skating has been a passion of mine since as long as I can remember. Similar to you, I grew up not on the West Coast, but in the mid portion of the country. Part of that was in Rochester, New York, and then Cleveland, and then Chicago, and then Pennsylvania. So always cold weather climates where we could skate.

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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And I remember some of my favorite moments were skating on ponds when I lived in Pennsylvania during the winter months. And it was so fun just going out there with my friends. We didn't do as much figure skating. We were always out there trying to play hockey with each other. But when I think about figure skating, I just don't even know how you guys do it.

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It's such a different type of sport because to me, to do some of the jumps you have to do, there's just this innate knowing that you're going to wipe out a whole bunch of times before you get that right.

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Well, Kirk, I can see why you have Vincent as a mentor. And that last bit was such a great learning segment for anyone who's watching this podcast or listening in, because I think you just showed so much there, Vincent, about sometimes it's not about where you place, it's the effort and that going deep to take that next step that will then lead you down the path of where you long to go.

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That is so important. And to look at moments like that and appreciate them for what they are and what you accomplished.

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Well, Kirk, if someone wanted to learn more about ICL, where's the best place for them to do so?

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Thank you, Kirk. And thank you, Vincent, so much for coming on. It was an honor to have you both on the show. Thanks.

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And that's a wrap. What an incredible conversation with Vincent Zhou. His journey from history-making Olympian to a passionate advocate for clean sport, mentorship, and personal growth is nothing short of inspiring. Vincent's story reminds us that success isn't just about medals or external achievements. It's about resilience, reinvention, and using our experiences to uplift others.

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From navigating the highest levels of competition, to balancing life as a student at Brown University, Vincent has shown us what it truly means to persevere through uncertainty and lead with purpose. As we close out today's episode, I invite you to reflect on a few key takeaways. How do you redefine success beyond external achievements? What does it mean to balance ambition with well-being?

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And how can you use your own experiences like Vincent is doing to inspire and uplift others? If today's discussion resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review. It's one of the best ways to support the show. and helps us bring conversations like this to even more people.

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And if someone in your life could benefit from Vincent's wisdom, share this episode with them because a single conversation can spark transformation. For all the resources we discussed, including Vincent's insights on mentorship and the Institute for Civil Leadership, visit the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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And if you want to go even deeper, be sure to watch the video version of this episode on my John R. Miles YouTube channel, where you'll find even more enriching conversations like this one. While you're there, hit subscribe and join our growing community.

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And if you're looking to bring these transformative insights into your organization or team, visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking to explore how we can work together to create intentional change. On my next episode of PassionStruck, I'm joined by authors Wes Adam and Tamara Miles, where we'll be diving into their new book titled Meaningful Work.

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They make a powerful case that meaning at work drives employee well-being, high performance, and even profit. This next conversation will be packed with powerful insights to help you operate at your best and thrive in both work and life. So make sure you're subscribed.

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Well, I understand when you were around eight, your parents gave you the choice between soccer and skating. What made you commit to figure skating?

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And remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And most importantly, take what you've learned and put it into action. Because knowledge alone doesn't create change, but action does. Until next time, live life passion struck.

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And I remember as I was doing research on you that you used to spend hours and hours watching skaters videotapes and trying to understand how they were doing their programs. Were there certain skaters that you emulated and wanted to be like when you were that age?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey, PassionStruck fam, welcome to episode 588.

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It's got to be similar to Patrick Mahomes playing in the Super Bowl against a quarterback he idolized, Tom Brady, similar to you having to compete against these people you idolized. Did you find that was difficult? Was there a mental block that was in your head or did you go into these events knowing that you could beat them?

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I find it really interesting that you bring all that up because it's not just the figure skating world. I remember when I got in the podcasting space, before I decided to do it, I had done this intense research on different podcast hosts, similar to the research you were doing on all these skaters. And I remember when I first started the show, I was emulating a lot of the people who I had studied.

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I realized early on that one of the things about the podcast world, similar to anything, is people don't come to the show necessarily because I have Vincent Joe on the show, although I will probably get more just because of who you are. But they come because of who the host is. And if you're not being yourself, you're not going to have the audience find you. So it's a very similar thing.

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One thing I know in your sport is that it's something that you have to travel a lot for, and there's also a ton of sacrifice to having to get up. way early in the morning or whenever you can get out ice time. So it's one of those sports that puts a tremendous amount of pressure on the parents to support their children who are in it.

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Because of that, were there moments where you felt pressure to succeed because of the sacrifices your parents were making?

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Whether you're a long-time listener or joining us for the first time, I am so ecstatic you're here. You've turned into a movement dedicated to unlocking your potential, living with intention, and making what truly matters matter most. Before we dive in, let's take a moment to reflect on the powerful conversations from earlier this week.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck. What if I told you that the biggest reason people stay in unfulfilling relationships isn't love, it's self-worth? That most people aren't actually choosing love, they're just trying not to be alone. The truth is, the way you experience love is a direct reflection of what you believe you deserve.

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A lot of dating advice out there is focused on securing attention instead of building real compatibility. Don't text back right away. Make them chase you. Wait three days before following up. I'm calling BS on all of it. Because the right person will be drawn to your full self, not a version of you designed to be liked.

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This is where we challenge conventional thinking and create lives of impact. Earlier this week, we had two incredible conversations that pushed the boundaries of personal transformation. On Tuesday, I sat down with Randy Blight, frontman of Lamb of God, to discuss resilience, discipline, and how art can be a vehicle for self-discovery.

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The moment you shift from trying to be liked to trying to be known, your entire dating experience will change. Vanessa described it as knowing when she first came across John's Instagram. She told her friend, I'm going to date this guy. And even though she didn't know if it would last forever, she knew she had to explore it.

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Contrast that with how so many people approach dating today, waiting for someone else to pick them instead of trusting their own instincts and choosing for themselves. And this is key. Every choice you make in dating either builds towards or away from love that matters.

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and the biggest mistake people make they choose partners from self-doubt instead of self-worth they chase attention instead of connection they adjust themselves instead of standing in who they really are they tolerate inconsistency instead of recognizing their value and here's the truth the more you filter edit and shrink yourself to fit someone else's expectations

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the more disconnected you become from the love that's actually right for you. So if you want to attract the right relationship, you have to start by showing up fully as yourself. This starts with the shift from dating to be liked to dating to be known. When you stop trying to win someone over, You open yourself up to real connection.

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And then you need to ask yourself, am I adjusting to impress them or am I showing up as my real self? If you're editing yourself, pause. If you're constantly questioning whether you should say something, that's a sign you're not being fully you. And then set one boundary early and observe their reaction. Maybe it's about how often you communicate. Maybe it's about how fast the relationship moves.

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The right person will respect it. The wrong person will push back. And this brings us back to Vanessa and John, who went on a trip to Costa Rica together. And while they were there, Vanessa could feel John pulling away. Instead of chasing or trying to make him like her, she made a powerful decision. She told him, I know I'm awesome, and I know what I bring to the table.

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If you don't want it, that's fine, but I need to know. That's what mattering in love looks like. Choosing yourself instead of trying to convince someone else to. So the next time you catch yourself overanalyzing a text, We're delaying your response to play it cool. Do this instead. Respond in a way that feels natural. Don't edit. Don't strategize. Just be real.

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Because if someone is only interested in you when you're performing, they are not the right person. So think about it. If you weren't afraid of losing someone, how would you really act? Would you set stronger boundaries? Would you express your needs instead of suppressing them? Would you stop shrinking yourself to fit someone else's preferences? Because here's the thing.

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When you truly believe you matter, you don't play games. You don't beg for attention. You don't overthink every interaction. You show up as your full self and trust that the right person will meet you at your level. And that's how you stop chasing love and start choosing it. So now I want to discuss how to know if you're chasing the wrong person.

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Then, on Thursday, Dr. Scott Scher joined me to explore cutting-edge science and longevity in peak performance, sharing how GABA, one of the most misunderstood neurotransmitters, is changing the game in human optimization. And today, we're shifting the focus again, because what if the missing piece in your life isn't just about personal success or growth, but about the way you approach love?

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This all comes down to the question, are you in love with who they are or who you hope they'll become? Some people stay in dead end relationships, not because of who their partner is, but because of who they believe they could be. This is something Dr. Marisa Franco,

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one of the world's leading experts in human connection, a New York Times bestselling author, psychologist, and TED speaker, shared with me on PassionStruck in episode 207. Dr. Franco has spent years studying the psychology of relationships and attachment, translating complex research into actionable insights that help people transform their connections.

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She told me that one of the biggest relationship traps is falling for potential, staying in relationships based on hope rather than reality. After experiencing heartbreak in her 20s, she realized she had internalized a belief that romantic love was the ultimate form of love, the only kind that defined her worth. But through healing and research, she came to a profound realization.

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She told me, I always felt like romantic love was the love that made me worthy. that it was the only love that was legitimate, and that there was no love in my life without romantic love. But when I looked around, I had a beautiful community, and I was discounting the importance of that. And that is exactly how so many people fall into the illusion of potential.

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They fixate on the idea of what their relationship could be instead of looking at what it actually is. They ignore red flags because they believe the other person will change. They justify inconsistency because the good moments feel so incredible. They stay because they're afraid of what love means without romance. So here's a reality check. If you constantly feel anxious, unseen, and undervalued,

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then who they could be doesn't matter. You're not dating their potential. You are dating who they are right now. So how do you know if you're in a one-sided relationship? Dr. Franco's research and our conversation point to key patterns that indicate you're giving more than you're receiving. The first pattern is you justify their lack of effort. They're just busy.

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They're not good at expressing their feelings. They're not emotionally available right now.

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but i know that they care the truth is if someone values you they make time period the second pattern is that you're always uncertain about where you stand you over analyze their text you rationalize why they disappear for days you feel more confused than confident about the relationship and here's the truth love doesn't live in uncertainty if you don't know where you stand you already have your answer

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And then here's a pattern I love. When you ask for clarity, they deflect or distance themselves. They tell you, let's not put a label on this. They say they care, but don't follow through with actions. They pull away when you bring up commitment. And here's the truth. If they wanted to be with you, they would make it clear. And if they don't, they are not your person.

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As Dr. Franco emphasized, when you assume someone will change, you're not in a relationship. You're in a hope project. And hope isn't love. Hope is what keeps you attached to something that isn't working. If someone truly wants you in their life, you won't have to guess. And let me say that again, because it's so important. If someone truly wants you in their life, you won't have to guess.

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Dr. Franco explained that when people believe in potential rather than reality, they overlook crucial signs. Her advice? Look for consistency over time. She told me, effort doesn't always equal interest. You may be putting in energy, but if it's one-sided, it's not a relationship, it's a hope project.

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That's why the best test isn't how much someone shows up when it's easy, it's how they show up when it's inconvenient. So here's a key question. If nothing changed about this person, would I still choose this relationship? Because if you're waiting for them to change, you're not in love, you're in a hope project. So if you're unsure about where you stand in a relationship, do this.

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Let me ask you something. Have you ever stayed in a relationship that made you feel invisible? Have you ever chased someone who never really chose you? Have you ever convinced yourself that a situation was more than it actually was? Just because you didn't want to admit the truth, here's the hard reality.

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Stop listening to their words and start watching their patterns. As John Kim shared in our conversation, one of the biggest relationship pitfalls is not recognizing red flags early on. He told me, without self-awareness, people just go through the motions in relationships, ignoring what's really happening.

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They end up holding on to something that's not actually working because they're afraid of being alone. So ask yourself, how do they treat you when they don't need something from you? Do they only show up when it's convenient? Are their actions consistent or do they come and go? And here's a key question you need to ask yourself.

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If nothing changed about this person, would I still choose this relationship? And then the last thing I want you to think about is would I accept this level of effort from a friend? If a friend ignored your text, flaked on plans, or only reached out when they needed something, would you put up with it? If not, Why do you accept it from a romantic partner? This is where self-worth comes in.

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Because when you believe you matter, you don't tolerate relationships where you feel like an option. And here's a truth bomb. Effort does not equal interest. Consistency does. And if they're not showing up consistently, you have your answer. So I want you to take five minutes today and write down the patterns in your past relationships. What traits keep showing up?

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Are you actively choosing your partners or are they just happening to you? Do you feel like you have to earn their attention or do they make an effort on their own? The goal, spot the patterns so you can break them. So I'm going to end this section by giving you a few micro gains to stop chasing the wrong people. First, Notice when you're waiting for them to change.

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Do you like them as they are right now? Not their potential, not their best moments, but who they actually are. Then ask yourself, am I the only one keeping this connection alive? If you stopped texting first, stopped making plans, stopped over-giving, what would happen? And then stop rationalizing small gestures as proof of love.

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Does their consistency match their intensity is the question you need to ask. Love bombing feels great, but if they disappear when it matters, that's not love. It's manipulation. The bottom line is if you have to chase them, they're not your person. If you have to convince them, they're not your person. And if you feel anxious, uncertain, and undervalued, you already have your answer.

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Because real love makes you feel seen, safe, and chosen. And you deserve that. The right person doesn't make you question your value. They remind you of it every single day. And that's a wrap on part one of this two-part episode on mattering in love. But here's the thing. This isn't just about listening and moving on. The way you approach love, relationships, and self-worth changes everything.

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Because when you believe you matter, you stop settling. You stop chasing. You start choosing better. So here's your challenge. Take something from today's conversation and put it into action. Start making micro choices that align with the love you truly deserve. And if this episode hit home, share it. Send it to a friend who needs to hear it. Post it. Tag me.

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So many people settle for relationships that leave them feeling unfulfilled, undervalued, and unseen. And it's not because they want to settle. It's not because they don't want a great relationship. It's because they don't believe they matter. And when you don't believe you matter, when you don't believe you're worthy of the love you actually want, this is what happens. You settle.

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I want to know what resonated most with you. And we're not done yet. In part two, we're taking it even deeper. We'll be diving into the commitment conversation. Are you being chosen or are you just hoping to be? The mattering mindset in love. How to build a relationship that lasts. And lastly, the four dimensions of mattering in love.

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A framework to assess whether your relationship is truly aligned with your future. Make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss it. If you want to go even deeper, I don't just talk about these ideas. I bring them into organizations, teams, and communities to ignite real transformation.

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If you're looking for a keynote or workshop or an event that will shift how people think about relationships, purpose, and personal mastery, let's connect. Head over to JohnRMiles.com speaking to learn more. Coming up next on Passion Strike, I'm sitting down with Edward Fishman, author of Choke Points, Waging Economic War in the 21st Century.

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We're diving into the hidden power of global supply chains, how economic warfare is shaping the world, and why controlling choke points, those critical bottlenecks, could be the most powerful weapon of our time. If you want to understand the real forces driving global conflict and competition, this is an episode you don't want to miss.

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And remember, you're not just here to consume content. You're here because you're investing in yourself. And that's what PassionStruck is all about. So take what you've learned today, apply it, and keep showing up for yourself because no one else can do that for you. And lastly, the fee for the show is simple. If you got value here, pay it forward.

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Leave a five-star rating, share this episode, post it, text it, whatever it takes to get this in the hands of the people who need it most. Until next time, keep choosing the things that matter. And as always, live life... passion struck.

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You chase people who don't choose you. You stay in situations that don't serve you. And that changes today. Because love isn't a game. You're not here to win someone over. You're here to choose the right love, one micro decision at a time. And that's exactly what we're diving into in this two-part episode on the mattering mindset in love.

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Today in part one, we're laying the foundation for everything that follows. We'll cover why mattering comes first, how it sets the foundation for love. Second, we'll go into the choice to show up as your full self instead of shrinking to fit someone else's expectations. And then third, I'll discuss how to know if you're chasing the wrong person and what to do about it.

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And if you keep attracting people who don't show up for you, if you feel like you have to convince someone to choose you, then it's time to shift your mindset. In this episode, I'm breaking down the mattering mindset in love, how to stop settling, start building better relationships, and finally feel seen, valued, and chosen. Because love isn't something you earn.

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Then next week in part two, we'll go even deeper, tackling the commitment conversation. Are you being chosen or are you just hoping to be? We'll discuss the mattering mindset and love, how to build a relationship that lasts. And lastly, we'll dive into the four dimensions of mattering and love, the framework that helps you assess and create deeper, more meaningful connections.

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So if you've ever wondered, why do I keep attracting people who don't show up for me? Why do I feel like I have to convince someone to love me? And how do I stop chasing the wrong person and start attracting the right one? Then get ready because we're diving deep into the mattering mindset and love, a framework that will help you break the cycle of unhealthy relationships.

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Stop chasing love that doesn't serve you and start building connections where you feel seen, valued, and chosen. And it all starts with the most important relationship in your life, the one that you have with yourself. Before we dive in, if you're new here, welcome to PassionStruck. This platform is more than just a podcast. It's a movement.

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With over 570 episodes, we have built a global community dedicated to unlocking human flourishing. And I know it can be overwhelming to know where to start. So that's why we've created episode starter packs, curated playlists on topics like relationships, mindset, and personal mastery. You can find them at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or on Spotify. Want even more?

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Subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com. for exclusive insights, challenges, as well as insights you won't get anywhere else. And don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel so you can watch what you learn. So are you ready? Let's go. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life.

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Now, let that journey begin. Let me tell you a story. A number of years ago, before I met my wife, I started dating this woman. Let's call her Carly. She was beautiful, intelligent, and seemed really into me. From the outside, it looked like a perfect match. We both loved working out, hiking, biking, going to hockey games, sailing, live music, you name it.

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It felt like we were aligned in every way. At first, things were great. We had amazing conversations, shared passions, and real chemistry. But then, something started to feel off. I noticed I was always the one reaching out. If I didn't initiate plans, we didn't see each other. She would be fully present when we were together. But then, she'd disappear for days.

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I started to feel like I was chasing her. Have you ever been there? where you feel like you're the only one holding the relationship together, it's exhausting. I ignored the red flags at first. I convinced myself she was just busy. I told myself that maybe she just needed time, that if I was patient, if I showed her how much I cared, she would realize I was worth choosing.

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But here's what I wasn't realizing. I was choosing her instead of choosing myself. I was making excuses for behavior that made me feel invisible. I was investing in a relationship that wasn't investing back in me. And let me tell you, the moment I finally saw it, everything changed. Because love, love is not something you have to earn. It's something you choose.

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And the moment you realize that, you stop settling for people who don't choose you back. So let's get real. The way you experience love, who you attract, who you tolerate, and how you will feel in relationships has nothing to do with luck. It has everything to do with your self-worth. And here's the truth. Mattering is the antidote to scarcity in love.

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It's something you build with the right person. Ready to change the way you love? Let's dive in.

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But most people don't approach dating from a place of abundance. They approach it from a place of fear. Fear of being alone. Fear of not being chosen. Fear that love will never happen for them. And when fear is driving your love, here's what happens. You settle. You chase people who don't choose you. You stay in relationships that make you feel small instead of seen. Sound familiar?

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You're not alone. But that changes today. And the first choice you need to make is believing you matter. Because when you don't believe you matter, you end up tolerating love that makes you feel invisible. You convince yourself a relationship is more serious than it actually is. You hold on to hope that someone will change instead of accepting who they actually are.

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welcome to passion struck hi i'm your host john r miles and on the show we decipher the secrets tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself if you're new to the show i offer advice and answer listener questions on fridays

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You stay way too long, like I did, waiting for validation instead of walking away and choosing yourself. And this needs to stop now. Because real love, healthy love, doesn't feel like a test. It feels like alignment. The level of self-worth you carry dictates the kind of relationships you attract and tolerate. Period. Let's break it down.

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If you don't believe you matter, you'll accept relationships that make you feel invisible. If you fear being alone, you'll tolerate mixed signals and emotional bright crumbs. If you think love is something you have to earn, you'll stay in dynamics where you're constantly proving your worth instead of receiving love freely. But here's the flip side. When you know you matter, you date differently.

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You choose relationships with confidence instead of chasing validation. You stop trying to fix people or convince them to love you. You recognize that real love doesn't feel like a test you have to pass. It feels like alignment that naturally exists. So here's a key question you need to ask yourself. Do I feel like I have to earn love or do I believe I deserve it?

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Because the love you accept is a direct reflection of the love that you believe you deserve. So why do so many people settle for less than they deserve? This isn't just about dating the wrong people. It's about what you've been conditioned to believe about love. Your expectations for relationships were shaped by your past relationships. And in them, were you constantly overlooked?

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Did love feel conditional? It's shaped by your childhood experiences. And in them, did you feel like you had to earn attention from caregivers? It's shaped by societal messaging. I wonder if you've ever been told that finding someone is the goal instead of finding the right someone.

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I recently interviewed Tasha Urich, one of the world's leading experts on self-awareness, and she said something that hit me hard. When we act based on what truly matters to us, we're more engaged, creative, and fulfilled, and can be of greater service to others. And that applies to love too. If you don't know what truly matters to you, how can you choose the right partner? You can't.

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You'll default to chasing approval instead of choosing from self-worth. Tasha's research shows that most people are out of touch with how their past influences their present choices. And this is especially true in relationships. We fall into patterns. We accept behaviors that feel normal, even if they don't feel good. But here's the wake-up call.

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If you've ever stayed in a relationship that wasn't serving you, It's not because you didn't see the red flags. It's because you were afraid to walk away. You didn't trust that something better was out there for you. But guess what? It is. And it starts with choosing yourself first. So if you're stuck in a cycle of chasing love instead of choosing it, here's a small shift to start today.

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Write down three qualities that make you a great partner.

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if this is hard for you ask yourself why do you believe you bring something valuable to a relationship or are you still waiting for someone else to tell you that you're worth loving this exercise isn't about ego it's about recognizing your own value before expecting someone else to so now i want to talk about the micro gains to build this mindset the way out of scarcity mindset and love isn't one big realization

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It's a series of small, intentional choices that shift how you see yourself and your relationships. Try these. Do a self-worth audit and ask yourself, would I want to date me? If the answer is no, what needs to change? Second, identify your past relationship wounds. Things like rejection, abandonment, betrayal. And notice how they're shaping your choices today.

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And then shift your focus from, do they like me? To, do I like how I feel around them? That one will change your entire approach to dating. So let's do a check-in on scarcity versus abundance and love. Scarcity mindset and love sounds like this. I hope they choose me. I don't want to be alone. I'll take what I can get.

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While abundance mindset and love sounds like this, I deserve to be with someone who values me. I trust that the right love will find me when I show up as my full self. If this isn't right, I'm strong enough to walk away. So ask yourself, am I dating from the fear of being alone, in other words, scarcity, or confidence in my worth, abundance? Because here's the truth.

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We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey there, PassionStruck fam. Welcome to episode 576. Whether you've been here for a while or this is your first time, welcome.

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The love that you want starts with you. And the moment you start believing that, everything changes. So let's now go into the choice to show up as your full self. Let's be honest. Dating today feels like a competition. Who gets the most likes? Who gets the most swipes? Who's following the right dating strategies?

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Apps, social media, and modern dating culture have turned finding love into a numbers game. It's no longer about connection. It's about performance. And that is exhausting. But here's the truth. Love isn't something you win. It's something you build.

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But when you treat dating like a competition, when you focus on being chosen instead of being known, you set yourself up for relationships where you're constantly proving your worth instead of just being yourself. This brings us to the fallacy of dating rules and game playing. So let me ask you something. Have you ever waited to text someone back because you didn't want to seem too eager?

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Have you ever played it cool even when you wanted to be honest about your feelings? Or have you ever been on a date and said what you thought the other person wanted to hear instead of what was actually on your mind? If you're nodding right now, you're not alone. Dating rules and strategies are everywhere. How to get someone to like you. How to make them chase you. How to win their attention.

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Here's the problem. These strategies aren't about creating meaningful relationships. They're about controlling perception. You know what that does? It attracts people who are only interested in the version of you that you're performing. not the real you. And that is a fast track to relationships that feel shallow, disconnected, and frustrating. Authenticity should be the strategy, not the tactic.

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I talked about this with John Kim and Vanessa Bennett in episode 230. two incredible relationship therapists who co-authored It's Not Me, It's You. John, known as the angry therapist, and Vanessa, a licensed therapist and relationship expert, coach people through some of the hardest relationship challenges. And one thing they both emphasized?

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The most common mistake people make in dating is trying to be liked instead of trying to be known. Vanessa put it perfectly. She told me I had gotten to a place where I said, I'm not going to date anybody anymore unless they're on the same page with me. And I remember my mom saying, Vanessa, you're really starting to limit your dating pool. And I was like, I don't care. I'd rather be single.

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That's the shift from chasing approval to choosing alignment. And then John shared how people put way too much weight on chemistry and attraction instead of emotional safety, communication, and self-awareness. He told me, if you don't have people doing this, the relationship can be very surface level. But eventually, over time, the plane goes down.

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In other words, if you're not showing up as your full self, the relationship is going to eventually crash. Let that sink in. Love isn't about how well you impress someone. It's about how well you can be yourself with them. So let me ask you, how often do you find yourself adjusting to impress someone?

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When was the last time that you worried about being too much or too different instead of just being yourself? And have you ever convinced yourself to follow some dating rule even when it didn't feel right? Because the love you want won't come from playing a role. It comes from showing up fully as yourself and trusting that the right person will meet you at your level.

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Unlocking the Richard Branson Formula: Why Happiness Leads to Success | EP 549

Coming up next on PassionStruck, what if everything you thought about success was backwards? What if the secret to achieving more isn't grinding harder or playing it safe, but something far simpler and often overlooked? In this episode, I'll explore a mindset that has propelled some of the world's most daring and accomplished people to extraordinary heights. It's not about luck or genius.

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List one activity that made you feel alive or engaged. For instance, cooking, solving a tough problem, or playing with your kids. Small wins. Write down one thing you accomplished, big or small. Maybe you sent that email you've been avoiding. finished a workout, or simply stayed calm during a stressful meeting? And then lastly, what did I control?

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Reflect on something you handled intentionally, your attitude, how you reacted to stress, or the time you spent on what mattered most. At the end of the week, look back at your entries. Identify patterns. What consistently brings you joy? Where did you feel most in control? How can you prioritize these wins moving forward?

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By intentionally tracking joy and control, you'll reframe your focus and start noticing opportunities for happiness in your everyday life, even in the chaos. The second element in your playbook is how to feed your curiosity, turning what if into why not.

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Curiosity was Branson's superpower, whether it was breaking into the record industry, starting an airline, or launching a hot air balloon across the Atlantic. His success came from a willingness to ask, what if I tried this, and why not me? So how can you do it? First, you need to take one small risk. Try something new, something that makes you just a little uncomfortable.

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Start that project you've been overthinking. Explore a hobby without worrying about being good at it. Next, ask better questions. When faced with a problem, replace why me with what can I learn from this or what's the opportunity here? And then lastly, make time for curiosity. Build space in your life to explore. Read books, listen to podcasts, or meet people outside your usual circles.

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Curiosity doesn't spark itself. You need to feed it. The important thing here that I want you to remember is that curiosity doesn't require certainty. It thrives on possibilities. Lean into the unknown and you'll discover opportunities you didn't even know existed. So I'm going to give you an exercise to do. Let's call it the curiosity experiment list.

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We talked about breaking barriers, setting bold goals, and the mindset it takes to pursue them. Then on Thursday, I had a fascinating conversation with Caroline Adams Miller, a leading expert on grit and goal setting. Caroline shared practical insights about how to set the kind of goals that stretch you, challenge you, and ultimately help you achieve lasting success.

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The objective here is to push yourself to make small, curiosity-driven risks and explore ideas, hobbies, or challenges without overthinking outcomes. So let's go through the steps. The first one is to create your why not list. I want you to write down five to ten small things you've been curious about but haven't pursued. Examples might include trying a new hobby like painting, yoga, or coding.

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Starting a side project or passion initiative you've been postponing. Taking a class, listening to a new podcast, or reading a book on a topic that you know nothing about. It could be having a conversation with someone outside your usual circles or pitching that idea at work you've been hesitant to share. The next step is to set a timeline. Commit to trying one to two items on your list.

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Keep it low pressure. This isn't about being good. It's about being curious. Then document the experience. After each experiment, reflect on these three prompts. What did I learn? How did it feel to try this? What new possibilities opened up? Then you rinse and repeat. Add to your list regularly and keep exploring. Let one why not inspire the next. And here's the outcome.

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By taking small, curiosity-driven risks, you'll train yourself to embrace uncertainty, enjoy discovery, and unlock opportunities that you've never expected. And now let's talk about the last element of your playbook, anchoring yourself in purpose, which is knowing your why. Purpose isn't about chasing big, lofty ideas. It's about connecting what you do to what matters.

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Branson didn't build Virgin just to make money. He built it to solve problems, to challenge norms, and to create something exciting. Purpose gave his risks meaning and his failures direction. So how can you do it? First, define what matters to you. Ask yourself, what kind of impact do I want to have? What values guide me? What problems excite me to solve?

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The important thing here to understand is that purpose doesn't have to be grand. It just has to resonate. Second, connect your tasks to meaning. Even the mundane can have purpose. Writing a report, it's not just a task, it's an opportunity to share an idea. Helping a coworker, it's not just about work, it's about connection. And then third, reframe failure as progress.

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Purpose allows you to see setbacks not as dead ends, but as lessons. Keep your eye in the bigger picture and ask, what can this teach me? Purpose is what gets you up in the morning and keeps you going when the path gets tough. It transforms challenges into stepping stones and gives every effort a reason to matter. So here's an exercise on how you can anchor yourself in purpose.

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We're going to call it the purpose map. The objective here is to clarify what matters most to you and connect your daily tasks to a greater sense of meaning. So let's go through the steps. First, define your values. Write down three to five core values that guide you. Examples could be growth, creativity, family, connection, impact. Second, identify your why.

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Ask yourself, what kind of impact do I want to have? What problems excite me to solve? What activities make me feel fulfilled and aligned? Write a short statement of your purpose in one to two sentences. For example, I want to create work that inspires others to think differently and take action. Then third, connect tasks to purpose.

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If you've ever wondered how to move from setting goals to actually achieving them, that episode is one you'll want to bookmark. If you've missed either of those episodes, I highly recommend you go back and give them a listen. They're filled with insights that perfectly complement what we're talking about today. For anyone new to the show, I've got a shortcut for you.

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For the next week, before starting any task, pause and ask yourself, how does this align with my values? How can this contribute to my bigger why? For example, writing a report isn't just about meeting a deadline. It's about sharing ideas that add value. Answering emails isn't just busy work. It's about building trust and connection. Fourth, reframe setbacks.

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When you encounter failure or frustration, write down, what's the lesson here? How did this challenge help me grow or move closer to my purpose? And then fifth, reflect weekly. At the end of the week, review your tasks and ask, did I stay aligned with my purpose? What can I adjust next week to live more intentionally?

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The outcome here is by identifying your why and connecting it to everyday actions, you'll transform even mundane tasks into meaningful contributions, fueling resilience, focus, and satisfaction. Each exercise is about progress, not perfection. Start small, stay consistent, and let joy, curiosity, and purpose guide your actions.

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Over time, these habits will rewire how you approach challenges, opportunities, and success, just like Richard Branson. Now, take one step, choose an exercise, and start today. So wrapping up, if there's one thing Ranson's life teaches us, it's this. Success doesn't come from waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect plan, or the perfect circumstances.

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It comes from the mindset you choose every single day. Ranson's story isn't about having all the answers or avoiding failure. It's about leaning into life with a sense of joy, following your curiosity wherever it leads, and anchoring yourself to a purpose that matters.

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It's about building habits that allow you to see setbacks as stepping stones, challenges as opportunities, and progress as the real victory. And the best part? You don't need to start a global empire or fly a hot air balloon across the Atlantic to follow his playbook. You just need to redefine joy by focusing on what you can control and celebrate the small wins.

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By feeding your curiosity, take risks, ask questions, and explore without overthinking. And anchor yourself in purpose. Find your why and let it give meaning to your daily actions. Happiness isn't a reward waiting at the finish line. It's the fuel that gets you there. It's the thing that makes success not just possible, but worth it. So what's next? Take one step today.

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Choose to see joy in the process. Ask why not when you're tempted to play it safe. Connect your actions to something bigger than yourself. Because if Richard Branson could start from an unassuming English village, armed with nothing but optimism, curiosity, and resilience, then why not you? The choice is yours. Will you lean into life fully, or will you wait for happiness to just happen?

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With over 540 episodes, it's easy to get overwhelmed. That's why we've created Curated Starter Packs, organized around themes like leadership, grit, and personal growth. Head over to passionstruck.com slash starter packs or find them on Spotify to dive right into topics that matter most to you.

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As Branson's story shows us, the answer is simple. Stop waiting. Start choosing. And when you do, you might just find that success starts to follow. So go ahead. Take the leap. Build your playbook. Why not start now? If today's episode resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review.

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It's one of the simplest and most powerful ways to help others discover the show and join our mission to live with more intention, joy and purpose. And if you know someone who needs to hear the lessons from Richard Branson's incredible journey, share this episode with them. Together, we can spread the power of connection and resilience.

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I'm passionate about bringing these lessons beyond the podcast. If you're looking to inspire your team, your organization, or your community through keynote speeches, workshops, or events, I'd love to partner with you. Visit JohnRMiles.com slash speaking to learn more. For everything we discussed today, including links, resources, and more, head over to the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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And if you would like a written version of the playbook, then sign up for my newsletter and I'd be happy to send you one. Don't forget to watch the video versions of our podcast on the YouTube channel. And while you're there, hit subscribe so you'll never miss an episode or highlight. And if you want to support the show, check out our sponsors and exclusive deals at passionstruck.com slash deals.

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Supporting those who support us helps us keep this content coming to you every single week. Before we go, here's a quick look at next week's episode. I'll be joined by Dr. Abraham George, founder of the George Foundation and Shanti Bhavan, a school transforming the lives of disadvantaged children in India.

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Dr. George's mission to tackle poverty, inequality, and injustice is a masterclass in purpose-driven leadership and creating lasting impact. You won't want to miss this inspiring conversation.

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Thank you for choosing to spend your time with me today. Your commitment to learning, growing, and living a life of meaning inspires me every single day. I hope this episode has added value to your journey in reminding you that success isn't about waiting for happiness. It's about creating it. And remember, the fee for this show is simple.

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And if you're ready to take these ideas even further, sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com. Each week, I'll send you practical strategies and insights to help you thrive with purpose and intention. And for those who prefer visuals, don't forget to check out the YouTube channel for highlights, episodes, and tools that make your growth journey even more engaging.

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If you found value here, share it with someone who might benefit. Until next time, keep leaning into joy, curiosity, and purpose. And as always, live life passionately.

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Now let's talk about today's episode. If you've ever sat around wondering what it takes to be successful, you've probably thought about the usual suspects. Hard work. Intelligence. Strategy. Maybe even luck. And sure, those things matter. But there's a sneaky little factor that often gets left out of the equation. Happiness.

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yeah i know the self-help world has shoved just be happy down our throats so much that it's tempting to roll your eyes but hang tight because it's possible we've been flipping the script all wrong success doesn't create happiness happiness fuels success sounds a bit backwards right we've been conditioned to think that life works like this hustle like your hair is on fire achieve big important goals voila

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Happiness will reward you like some celestial participation trophy. But science and experience suggests otherwise. Some of the most accomplished people don't see happiness as a reward. They see it as a prerequisite, a driver, an edge. Richard Branson, for example. The guy practically turns work into a playground. Founding the Virgin Group was never just about building a business empire.

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It's about how you show up every day and how you approach life's challenges. Stick around because by the end, you just might rethink the way you define success. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you.

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It was about living life fully, joyfully, and sometimes ridiculously. Branson launched Virgin Atlantic not just to disrupt airlines, but because it excited him. He attempted to break records in speedboats and hot air balloons, not to prove anything, but because, well, why the hell not? Life for Branson isn't just a series of achievements, it's a series of adventures. And here's the kicker.

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Even when he failed, and he failed a lot, crash landings, business losses, mechanical disasters, He maintained a radical sense of optimism. He chose to laugh when he could have quit. He chose to enjoy the chaos. And that joy, that relentless enthusiasm became his competitive advantage. So instead of asking, how do I become successful so I can be happy? Maybe the better question is this.

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How do I stay happy so I can become successful? counterintuitive, sure, but also incredibly powerful. In this episode, we're going to unpack the science of why happiness isn't just good for you, it's good for business, achievement, and resilience.

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How Branson's joyful outlook became a cornerstone of his success, practical ways you can engineer happiness into your life, because it's not all sunshine and hot air balloons, and joy doesn't happen by accident. But before we dive in, let's clarify something important. What the heck do we actually mean when we say happiness? Is it bliss? Satisfaction? Purpose? Let's start there.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. Before we start thinking about happiness as some magic fuel for success, we need to get clear on what it actually is. But let's face it, happiness is one of those words that gets thrown around like confetti at a wedding.

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Nice to look at, but kind of a mess when you try to clean it up. So let's get this straight. Happiness isn't just about feeling good all the time. It's not sipping margaritas on a beach while your problems politely disappear. That's not happiness. That's a vacation, and a temporary one at that. Real happiness is more like a combination of three things. First, pleasure.

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Those bursts of joy that make life fun. A great meal. A solid laugh. A killer concert, which I love. These moments are important, but fleeting. Then there's engagement. The state of being so absorbed in something that you forget what time it is. You're focused. You're in flow. You're alive. Whether you're writing, playing basketball, or geeking out on a project.

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This is where you feel connected to what you're doing. And then there's meaning, the big one. It's the sense that your life, your work, and your time matter. It's about contributing to something larger than yourself, whether it's your family, a cause, or your own personal vision of what success looks like. When psychologists talk about happiness, they're not talking about one fleeting emotion.

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They're talking about these three layers working together like gears in a well-oiled machine. When you have pleasure, engagement, and meaning, you've got the kind of happiness that doesn't just feel good. It fuels you. It keeps you going when things get tough. Now here's the twist. This kind of happiness isn't just a nice-to-have. performance enhancer.

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Shawn Achor calls this the happiness advantage. Studies show that happier people aren't just more fun to be around. They're more productive, creative, and resilient. Their brains perform better. Their relationships are stronger. They handle stress like pros. In short, happiness makes you better at everything. Think about it this way.

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When you're happy, when you're engaged, when you're connected, when you're excited about life, you show up differently. You make better decisions. You take smarter risks. You bounce back faster from failure. And that's exactly what you need to succeed. So the next time you're tempted to put off happiness until after you've hit some arbitrary goal, remember this. Happiness isn't the finish line.

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Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

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It's the fuel. The challenge, of course. is figuring out how to create this kind of happiness in your own life. Because let's be honest, it's not always easy to choose joy when your boss is a jerk, your deadlines are breathing down your neck, and you're two days deep into existential dread. So how do you make it real? How do you build happiness that lasts?

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Not the fleeting, surface-level kind, but the deep, sustainable kind that actually drives you forward. The answer isn't about ignoring the tough stuff. It's about building habits that prioritize joy, curiosity, and purpose. The same tools that have shaped some of the world's most resilient and accomplished people. If there's one person who embodies this mindset, it's Richard Branson.

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If his life teaches us anything, it's that joy, curiosity, and purpose aren't fluffy concepts. They're the foundations of a life worth living. They're not something you wait for. They're something you cultivate. And Branson started building them early, shaped by experiences that most of us would call unconventional, even extreme.

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Richard Branson didn't stumble into resilience and optimism by accident. His story starts in the English countryside, where his childhood was a crash course in mindset. His mother, Eve, was relentless in teaching him independence and resilience, sometimes through eyebrow-raising methods. Take this story. One day, she drove him miles away from home and told him to find his way back.

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Not exactly helicopter parenting, but Branson's mother understood something critical. Confidence comes from struggle. Branson wasn't born with a silver spoon or a golden ticket. He was born with dyslexia, a challenge that made words and numbers feel like enemies. School became an uphill battle, and in any other household, he might have been labeled as a failure.

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Instead, his parents flipped the script. They focused on what he could do, not what he couldn't. That mindset, shifting attention from limitations to opportunities, became a cornerstone of his life. Branson threw himself into sports with an infectious enthusiasm. He didn't just play, he excelled. Rugby, football, cricket. He captained all the teams. Then came the long jump.

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He'd never attempted it before, but on a whim, at age 10, he gave it a shot. Not only did he succeed, but he broke the school record. This wasn't about the record itself. It was about something bigger. The joy of trying.

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the thrill of discovering what's possible when you lean in give it a go and stop worrying about failure branson's success in sports wasn't just about competition it was about curiosity he approached new challenges with the simple question why not where others might hesitate afraid of looking foolish or failing Branson leaned in. That curiosity didn't stop on the field.

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It carried over into the rest of his life. School didn't work for him, but that didn't stop him from looking for other ways to thrive. Branson developed an insatiable interest in the world outside the classroom, people, problems, possibilities. As he grew older, that sense of curiosity led to his first entrepreneurial ventures.

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While his dyslexia made reading and organizing difficult, it also sharpened his ability to think differently. He had no interest in playing by the rules of the system. He wanted to find ways to work around them. And this started a pattern. He started seeing a problem where others saw no opportunity. He began asking, why not me, when others didn't dare.

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And he started taking action, even when the outcome was uncertain. Curiosity gave him an edge. It freed him from the trap of perfectionism and let him explore without the weight of expectation. Branson's early life was not a fairy tale. The world didn't hand him success. It handed him obstacles. Dyslexia could have been a reason to quit.

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Poor grades could have been proof that he wasn't smart enough. And later, his early ventures, like his first mail-order record business, were littered with setbacks. But here's the thing. Branson never let failure define him. Why? Because he had a clear sense of purpose. Even as a teenager, he was focused on creating, building, and solving problems that mattered to him.

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When his record business struggled, he didn't see failure as the end. He saw it as a lesson. Each setback fueled his next attempt. Every obstacle became a stepping stone towards something better. Branson wasn't just chasing money or status. He was chasing the process. He believed in the work he was doing, and that belief gave him the resilience to keep going when most people would have quit.

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Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Welcome back, everyone, to another Momentum Friday in episode 549. I'm thrilled to have you here. Whether you're a longtime listener or brand new to the show, this is where we challenge conventional thinking and explore what it means to live with intention, purpose, and impact.

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Purpose was his anchor. It allowed him to weather failures because he wasn't tied to short-term results. He was focused on the bigger picture, building something meaningful, solving problems creatively, and living life on his own terms. So this leads to the science of happiness, the key to Branson's success.

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Branson's story perfectly aligns with the principles outlined in Shawn Achor's The Happiness Advantage. Branson exemplified how happiness, optimism, and resilience could serve as powerful tools for success, even in the face of repeated setbacks. Rather than viewing happiness as a result of his achievements, he cultivated it as a driving force.

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Studies like Akers Harvard Research and the work of Laura King, Sonja Libomirsky, and Ed Diener underscore the transformative power of positive emotions. Just as Branson used his joy, gratitude, and optimism to fuel his entrepreneurial spirit, these studies reveal that happiness isn't merely a byproduct of success, it's a precursor to it.

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Positive emotions spark creativity, resilience, and productivity, allowing individuals to thrive in the face of challenges, just as Branson did. Richard Branson's formative years were a masterclass in what it means to live fully, to find joy in what you can do, to follow your curiosity, and to stay anchored in a sense of purpose. He could have been weighed down by his dyslexia.

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He could have avoided risks out of fear of failure. Instead, he leaned into the discomfort, asked why not when others said no, and found meaning in the process of growth. So what does this mean for you? It means stop focusing on what you can't do. Start finding joy in what you can. Letting curiosity lead you. Try things. Explore ideas. Take chances. Stay anchored in purpose.

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Find what matters to you and let that guide your actions. Branson's story isn't about perfection or innate brilliance. It's about mindset. It's about habits. It's about choosing joy, curiosity, and purpose as a way of life. And if he could do it, starting from a small English town with no special advantages, why not you.

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In the next section, I'll take these principles and break them down into practical, actionable habits you can start building today. Because happiness doesn't just happen, it's something you choose. So now that we've explored how Richard Branson turned joy, curiosity, and purpose into a way of life, the question becomes, how do you do the same?

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Because let's face it, most of us aren't being dropped miles from home as resilience training. and we don't wake up with Branson's instinct to say, why not, when everyone else is saying, why bother? The good news, you don't need extreme experiences or larger-than-life adventures to cultivate these habits.

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You just need to take small, deliberate steps, steps that make joy, curiosity, and purpose a regular part of your everyday life. Here's how you can start building your own playbook. First, redefine joy by focusing on what you can control. Happiness doesn't come from waiting for the stars to align. It comes from finding joy in what's already within your grasp.

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And today's episode dives into one of the most inspiring examples of all, the legendary Richard Branson. But before we dive in, let's talk about this week's incredible episodes. On Tuesday, I sat down with Miss America Madison Marsh, an Air Force pilot, humanitarian, and an exceptional example of what it looks like to chase audacious dreams with discipline and grace.

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Branson didn't dwell on his dyslexia or poor grades. He found joy in sports, in competition, and in every small victory he could create for himself. So how can you do it? First, identify what energizes you. What activities make you feel alive? It doesn't have to be groundbreaking. Maybe it's painting, cooking, or problem solving at work. Make time for those things daily, even in small doses.

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Second, find wins in the process. Shift your focus from outcomes to effort. Whether you're running a business, writing a report, or learning something new, celebrate progress, not just perfection. Third, control the controllables. You can't change your boss, your deadlines, or traffic jams, but you can control your attitude, actions, and where you direct your attention. Prioritize those.

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The trick isn't to avoid challenges, it's to approach them with a mindset that allows you to find moments of joy, even in the chaos. So I'm going to give you an exercise. Let's call it the Daily Wins Journal. The objective here is to train your mind to notice and celebrate small victories, progress, and the things that you can control, bringing intentional joy to your day.

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So let's go through the steps. The first thing you're going to do is set up a journal. Create a simple log using a physical notebook or digital note with three sections. What energized me today? What small wins did I celebrate? And what did I control or improve? Then, at the end of each day, spend five to ten minutes writing answers to each section. What energized me?

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Why Serendipity Is the Quiet Proof That You Matter | EP 600

coming up next on passion struck have you ever had someone say something to you out of nowhere that hit so hard it stayed with you for days not because it was profound not because it was planned but because it reminded you in that moment that you still mattered. That's what this episode is about.

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If PassionStruck is helping people sleep and reflect, I'm calling that a win.

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but getting back to allison it reminded her to reach out no agenda no ask just a note that said hey you came up in our world tonight thought of you the second came from someone i've never met in person dr sandro formica he simply wrote i've been following your work just wanted to say thank you for your contribution to the betterment of humankind at work and in life that was it

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But here's what happened inside me when I read those messages. I exhaled. Because on that day, on that week, I was having a pretty rough time. I had caught a cold, was really stressed out, wasn't feeling that great, and I didn't even know I needed to be reminded that I mattered. But apparently, I did. And what those two people offered me... was serendipity. A random moment. A message.

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A small thing that said, you still register in someone else's life. That's what serendipity does when it's tied to mattering. It's not flashy. It's not loud. It doesn't come with confetti. But it lands. And it lingers. because it reminds us of something we often forget. Sometimes the things we create out in the world continue working long after we've let go of them.

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Sometimes our presence ripples in rooms we never enter. Those messages didn't show up because I planned for them. They showed up because I'd put something out into the world and it landed somewhere, maybe days ago, maybe years ago, but it stuck with someone. And then at that exact moment, I needed it. It came back to find me. That's what we often miss about serendipity.

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And 600 times you've shown up, not just to listen, to transform. Whether this is your first episode or your 500th, I can't tell you how much it means to have you here.

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Why Serendipity Is the Quiet Proof That You Matter | EP 600

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It's not just about being lucky. It's about living in a way that makes it more likely that something meaningful can happen. So how do you do that? You don't chase serendipity. You create the conditions where it can show up. And that starts with five simple, but not always easy, shifts. The first shift is to live like you're noticing matters.

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Most people miss the moment because they miss the moment. We're moving too fast. We're buried in our feeds. We're half listening, half thinking about what's next. But the people who catch the quiet magic of life, the ones who turn randomness into resonance, are the ones who notice.

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They notice the weird comment in the meeting, the glance that lingers, the little coincidence that feels like more than chance. And they don't dismiss it because they've trained themselves to believe this could mean something. Let's find out. The second shift is to follow the flicker. You know, that small tug you feel sometimes. A name that pops into your head. A line you think you should write.

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A person you think you should check on. That's not noise. That's your intuition telling you, there's something here, follow it. Most people let that flicker pass. But the ones who create moments that matter, they send the text. They say the thing, they trust the pull. And half the time, it turns out to be exactly what someone needed.

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Why Serendipity Is the Quiet Proof That You Matter | EP 600

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And that leads us to the third shift, anchor to purpose, but stay open to surprise. It's good to be focused, to have a direction, a plan. But the paradox is, the more tightly we grip our goals, the less room we leave for something unexpected and better to arrive. People who experience meaningful serendipity don't just have purpose, they hold it loosely.

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They know where they're going, but they're not so rigid that they miss what's happening around them. They leave just enough space in their lives for life to surprise them. And this leads to the fourth shift. Act like the small thing might matter. Send the thank you note. Say the compliment you almost kept to yourself. Name what someone brings into a room, even if they brush it off.

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you've made this community what it is and because of that today isn't just a celebration it's an invitation because today that community gets a new home introducing the ignition room this is something i've been building quietly behind the scenes for a while a private space for people like you who want more than content. You want connection, conversation, impact.

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Most people wait until it's a good time to say something meaningful. The people who make a difference, though, they say it when it's true. Because they know small things land heavy when they're real. And this leads us to the final and fifth shift. Believe your presence makes a dent. This one's the hardest, especially when you're tired, disconnected, you're running on empty.

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But if there's one thing I've learned from the research and from life, it's this. People don't need you to be perfect. They just need to feel you're here. If you're in the room... If you're listening, if you're willing to show up with your full attention, that changes things. You don't have to know who it will help. You just have to trust that it could.

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Why Serendipity Is the Quiet Proof That You Matter | EP 600

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That belief that you're noticing your kindness, your words might matter, is the most powerful invitation serendipity has. Because serendipity isn't just about what happens to you. It's what happens...

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through you when you live like what you do might leave a mark so here's what i want you to remember most of the moments that shape us don't come with fanfare they don't announce themselves as important they arrive quietly almost forgettably but they stay a message a glance a moment of being noticed right when we weren't sure we still were that's serendipity not as magic not as luck but

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as a mirror a reflection that says you're still here you still matter even when you forgot even when no one said it out loud and maybe the most powerful truth in all of this is you don't have to wait for those moments you can be the reason they happen

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Every time you speak the thing you almost didn't say, every time you name someone's impact, every time you follow the flicker that says, reach out, you're creating space for someone else to feel relevant again, to feel like they still register. Because at the end of the day, we don't need constant affirmation.

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We just need a few moments, unscripted, unexpected, that remind us we're still visible, we're still needed, we still matter. And back at the start, I said we talk about how to invite those moments, how to stop chasing serendipity and start preparing for it. This is it. It's not about waiting. It's about living like what you do might matter. Because that's when the unexpected shows up and stays.

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Why Serendipity Is the Quiet Proof That You Matter | EP 600

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Thanks for listening. If this episode sparked something in you or reminded you of someone, don't let the moment pass. Send it their way. Because sometimes the thing that almost doesn't get said is exactly what someone else needs to hear.

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And if you're ready to go deeper, don't forget to join us in the Ignition Room, our brand new community space created to turn moments like this into something more. Connection. Growth. Real conversation. It's free. It's live. And it's yours. Just tap the link in the show notes and jump in. And if the show continues to matter to you, here's how you can help it grow.

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Why Serendipity Is the Quiet Proof That You Matter | EP 600

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Leave a five-star review on Apple or Spotify. It takes 30 seconds and helps more people find the show. Share it. Post it. Text it. Email it. Be the spark in someone else's day. And if you lead a team or organization in today's message, hit home. Let's take it further.

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I work with leaders and teams around the world through keynotes and workshops that bring purpose, focus, and intentionality to the people and places that need it most. Learn more at JohnRMiles.com slash speaking. And next week on Passion Struck, I'm sitting down with Yonge Mingyur Rinpoche, a world-renowned meditation teacher and Buddhist monk.

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Why Serendipity Is the Quiet Proof That You Matter | EP 600

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We'll explore how joy, awareness, mattering, and emotional turbulence can coexist, and how you can use the mind itself as a tool for healing, clarity, and purpose. It's a profound conversation on presence, transformation, and what it really means to be alive in this moment. You don't want to miss it.

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Why Serendipity Is the Quiet Proof That You Matter | EP 600

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The Ignition Room is more than a space, it's a movement. A place where raw passion meets real stories. Where we don't skim the surface, we dive in When I started this podcast, it was about uncovering life altering moments, the sparks that change everything. The Ignition Room is the next evolution of that mission.

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You're not here just to consume content. You're here to change, to apply what you've learned, to live like what you do might matter. That's the challenge and that's the invitation. So until next time, notice more, name what matters, and trust that the quietest gestures often leave the deepest mark. Live life passion struck.

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Why Serendipity Is the Quiet Proof That You Matter | EP 600

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It's where passion meets action, where stories meet strategy, where you don't just listen, you connect. Inside, you'll find authentic connection with others on the growth path, deep dive conversations around everything we explore here, exclusive content,

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Why Serendipity Is the Quiet Proof That You Matter | EP 600

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behind the scenes access and giveaways and right now to celebrate episode 600 there's a special giveaway just for those who join if you jump into the ignition room today you'll be entered to win a passion struck pack complete with a hat a t-shirt and a signed copy of my book it's my way of saying thank you and giving you a tangible reminder that you're part of this movement but don't wait i know how these things go

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Why Serendipity Is the Quiet Proof That You Matter | EP 600

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We hear something. We nod. We mean to come back later. This is your moment. Pause what you're doing. Tap the link in the show notes. Join us in the ignition room because your story, it's not just welcome there. It might be the spark that someone else has been waiting for. Before we dive in, don't miss two incredible episodes from earlier this week.

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On Monday, I spoke with Isabel and Laura Hoff, daughters of Wim Hoff, about their new book, Secrets of the Ice Women, where we explored how cold exposure, mindset, and breath work aren't just wellness trends. They're powerful tools for resilience, hormone balance, and deep personal transformation.

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And on Thursday, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Dr. Stephen Gundry to talk about his new book, The Gut-Brain Paradox. This conversation goes far beyond diet. We dug into how your gut health could be the hidden link to your focus, your mood, and your long-term vitality. Both episodes are packed with insight, and they're live now wherever you listen. And today...

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Not motivation, not hustle, mattering, and why the smallest, most unexpected moments might just be the ones that change everything. This one's personal, and it's not what you think. Welcome to Passion Struck.

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Why Serendipity Is the Quiet Proof That You Matter | EP 600

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Episode 600, we're exploring something different and deeply personal, the link between serendipity and mattering, why the smallest moments often change us the most, and how to live in a way that invites those moments, not by chasing luck, but by trusting that what you do might leave a mark. Let's get into it.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to building a life that matters now. let that journey begin it wasn't supposed to matter but it did It started with a message from my friend Mike Strobo. Mike's a longtime PassionStruck listener. After episode 582, The Hidden Crisis of Family Mattering and How to Fix It, he reached out.

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No big fanfare, no cinematic moment, just a text that said essentially, John, that one hit me. It made me stop. It made me reevaluate how I'm showing up as a husband and as a parent. That was it. One message, one moment of real reflection, shared back with me. But something shifted. Not because I was praised, but because I was heard. Because something I said, something I'd already moved on from,

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had landed somewhere real. That message could have been another check-in, another, hey John, great episode, but it wasn't. It stayed with me, and for days afterward, I found myself circling the same quiet question. Why did that moment matter so much? It didn't change my calendar, or my work, or the shape of my day, but somehow it changed the air I was breathing.

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we tend to think of serendipity as a lucky break a coincidence a happy accident but what if it's more than that what if those small surprising moments the ones we almost don't notice are actually evidence of something deeper what if serendipity is the world's way of saying you still matter even when you've forgotten how but let's be honest we don't usually plan our most meaningful moments they sneak up on us

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In the hallway, in the inbox, on a walk, a text, a glance, a message from a friend who says, this made me think, this made me feel, this made me change. These aren't just pleasant surprises. They're psychological oxygen. And more than that, they arrive when we're running out of air. When researchers studied the neuroscience of surprise, they found something fascinating.

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Why Serendipity Is the Quiet Proof That You Matter | EP 600

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Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Our brains light up when something unexpected happens, especially when it feels affirming. It's not just novelty, it's recognition. Serendipity activates the same reward centers as love, laughter, and awe. And when that moment carries the weight of mattering, when it reminds us we're seen, remembered, and valued, its impact isn't just emotional, it's biological. Our heart rate slows.

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Our nervous system regulates. Our mind settles. Because at our core, We're not just wired for purpose. We're wired to know I still register in someone else's world. And this caught me thinking, the most powerful moments in our lives often aren't the loud ones. They're the ones we almost miss. The message we almost didn't send. The compliment we almost kept to ourselves.

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The invitation, we almost talked ourselves out of extending. Serendipity isn't always about fate. Sometimes it's just someone choosing to say the thing out loud. And when they do, it lands like a lifeline. Because in a world that teaches us to keep scrolling, keep achieving, keep going, to be unexpectedly seen, that's when something inside us exhales.

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And this got me to start thinking about serendipity as not magic, but as a mirror. We tend to treat serendipity like it's mystical, something that just happens to us. But researchers like Dr. Christian Bush, author of The Serendipity Mindset, argue that it's actually something we cultivate.

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His team found that serendipity isn't about luck, it's about readiness, noticing more, connecting faster, saying the thing most people filter out. In other words, serendipity isn't magic. It's a mirror for what we notice and what we dare to reflect back. But here's the twist. What makes these moments so powerful isn't just the surprise. It's the recognition.

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Serendipity becomes mattering the moment someone feels seen without expectation. But here's the thing, recognizing that kind of moment often doesn't feel profound when it's happening. It feels ordinary, forgettable even, until we realize what it led to. Let's start here. It's 1945. The war is ending.

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Inside a military lab, Perry Spencer, an engineer working on radar systems for a defense contractor, is walking past a magnetron, a device that emits high-powered microwaves. In his pocket, a chocolate bar. He doesn't notice anything at first, but a few minutes later, he reaches into his pocket and feels something unexpected. Melted chocolate. That's it. That's the moment.

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Most people would have laughed it off, tossed the wrapper, kept working, but Percy didn't. He paused. He asked why. He started experimenting, first with popcorn kernels, then with eggs, and what he realized was this. The microwaves weren't just melting chocolate, they were cooking food. That one moment of curiosity, it led to one of the most transformative kitchen inventions of the 20th century.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

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But here's the thing, the microwave didn't come from luck, it came from noticing, and from the belief that the moment meant something. Perry Spencer was surrounded by noise, equipment, tech, Deadlines. Pressure. But when something unexpected happened, he didn't dismiss it. He followed it. Because something inside him believed this might matter.

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That belief that our observations are worth something is where serendipity meets significance. The chocolate bar wasn't the breakthrough. the moment he noticed it, was. Now picture a completely different setting. It's 1928, London, a messy lab. Alexander Fleming, a Scottish physician, returns from vacation to find that one of his petri dishes has been left out too long. Mold has started to grow.

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Most researchers would have tossed it and moved on, but Fleming doesn't. In fact, he looks closer and he notices something strange. Around the mold, The bacteria are gone. Completely wiped out. Again, that could have been nothing. Could have been a blip. Could have been ignored. But it wasn't. Fleming did what curious, engaged people do. He paid attention. He ran more tests.

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He asked deeper questions. And that accidental mold? It became penicillin, the first widely used antibiotic in history. It went on to save millions of lives. But just like Spencer, it wasn't the accident that made the difference. It was the attunement. Fleming didn't just notice the mold. He believed the moment mattered enough to investigate it.

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And that belief, the belief that something unexpected might carry meaning, is what turned a messy dish into a medical breakthrough. So you may be asking, what do Perry Spencer and Alexander Fleming have in common? They didn't plan for greatness. They didn't set out to change the world. They were just present enough to see something strange

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and anchored enough in their sense of purpose to know it was worth following. That's the through line. Serendipity opens the door, but mattering is what makes us walk through it. Here's the common misunderstanding about moments like these. We assume they're magical, rare, lucky. But if you look closely, and I mean really closely, you start to see a different pattern. The magic wasn't the moment.

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The magic was the mindset. Spencer and Fleming didn't have superpowers. They had a few things that made the difference. They were curious. They were present. And most importantly, they believed that that what they were doing mattered enough to pay attention. That's the through line in every serendipitous story that sticks. It's not just luck, it's readiness.

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now let's go out there and become passion struck hey everyone john here and welcome to episode 600 of the passion struck podcast 600 episodes more than 27 000 minutes of content That's more than 18 days of stories, breakthroughs, second chances, hard truths, and unapologetic growth. 600 times we've hit record. 600 times we've gone deeper than surface talk.

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It's the willingness to treat the unexpected as if it might mean something, and the courage to follow it. And when I got to studying this, I actually found that there's a feedback loop here, and it's powerful. Let me lay it out in a series of steps.

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first you believe what you're doing matters so you stay engaged you notice more because you're noticing more you catch things others miss and when something strange or surprising happens you don't dismiss it you explore it that exploration leads to something meaningful and that reinforces your sense that you matter mattering leads to noticing

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noticing leads to meaning and meaning leads to more mattering that's the loop and once you see it you realize serendipity isn't random it responds to the posture you take towards your life so you may be asking how do we take that posture so let's make this practical you don't need to be a scientist or an engineer to experience this you just need to start living like what you notice might matter that means staying curious

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even when it feels easier to tune out. It means pausing on the weird thing instead of rushing past it. It means following the flicker the tug, the gut instinct, even if you don't know where it's going yet. And most of all, believing your perspective is worth trusting because that's what Spencer and Fleming did. They didn't just notice. They believed their noticing was worth something.

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That's what so many of us are missing. We wait for the big break. the open door, the external validation. But maybe what actually changes everything is the moment we start trusting our own awareness again. Before we take a quick break for our sponsors, here's what's coming up next. We're going to explore how to build this kind of mindset

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how to prime yourself for serendipity, not by chasing luck or waiting for that perfect moment, but by living in a way that quietly invites it. I'll walk you through the habits, the inner posture, and the subtle shifts that turn randomness into resonance and show you how to create the conditions where unexpected moments become the ones that matter most. Stick around.

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Let me tell you about something that happened recently. Nothing dramatic. No turning point. Just a message. Two of them, actually. One came from a friend I hadn't heard from in a while. Her name's Allison. She messaged me out of the blue on LinkedIn to say her son was picking a podcast to fall asleep to, and mine popped up. Apparently, my voice pairs perfectly with REM cycles. I'll take it.

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Coming up next on PassionStruck. Imagine facing a crisis so intense that every second counts, a moment where decisions must be flawless, and every action could mean the difference between triumph and disaster. What would determine success or failure? Is it skill, luck, or something much deeper.

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Regularly articulate how individual tasks move the team closer to achieving its goals. And it's also important to tie those goals to the larger mission or strategy of the company. Second, tell the story. Share examples of how the team's work has made a difference, reinforcing the real-world impact of their efforts. And then lastly, involve the team.

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On Tuesday, I was joined by Dr. Rick Hansen, who shared groundbreaking insights on how to hardwire happiness and resilience into our brains. His perspective on rewiring our mindset for greater well-being is one you don't want to miss. Then on Thursday, Dr. Adam Galinsky brought us a fascinating discussion about the dynamics of power, influence, and the art of speaking up.

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Invite team members to contribute ideas about how their roles can better align with the organization's mission. A way you can try this is at the start of a new project, spend five minutes discussing its purpose. Ask each team member to share how they see their role contributing to the larger mission.

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So now that I've explored the practical strategies for leaders to build a culture of mattering through the eyes-on, hands-off leadership framework, Let us take an in-depth look at how this essential culture can be continuously maintained. Because building a culture of mattering is only the beginning. Like any thriving garden, it requires ongoing care, adjusting for changing conditions,

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Removing weeds that threaten growth and ensuring the soil remains fertile for new ideas and opportunities. Captain Sully Sullenberger didn't just build trust with his team, he sustained it through consistent action. The recognition that empowered the flight attendants didn't emerge overnight, it was cultivated through deliberate practice.

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And the shared purpose that united everyone on Flight 1549 wasn't an accident. it was reinforced in every interaction before those engines failed. As leaders, we face the same challenge. Once a culture of mattering is established, how do we ensure it continues to grow? How do we adapt our leadership to meet new challenges while preserving the principles that make extraordinary outcomes possible.

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Let's examine these three key strategies. The first is staying vigilant without micromanaging. In Gartner leadership, the balance between eyes on and hands off is a constant dance. Leaders must remain aware of what's happening on the ground without stifling their teams with overbearing oversight. Sully exemplified this balance when he delegated the emergency checklist to his co-pilot.

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He didn't hover or second guess. He trusted the system that they'd built together, knowing his focus was best directed elsewhere. So I want to explore how to stay vigilant. The first step is to develop a feedback loop. So a way to do this is a regular check-in with your team. Not to dictate, but instead to listen. You can ask, what's working? What's getting in your way?

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Then the second thing you can do is something that I have used throughout my career, and that's to trust, then verify. Empower your team to take ownership while using data, observation, or touch points to ensure alignment with broader goals. And then lastly, adapt as needed.

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The reality is conditions change, so you need to be ready to shift focus or provide additional support when the situation calls for it. The second strategy we need to employ to ensure that the culture of mattering continues to grow is to maintain energy through recognition. Recognition is a powerful tool, but like anything, it can lose its impact if it becomes routine or shallow.

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To sustain its effect, recognition must evolve. becoming more meaningful and tied to the evolving challenges and successes of the team or organization. On Flight 1549, recognition wasn't limited to a job well done during the crisis. Sully's post-event acknowledgement of every crew member's role cemented their shared success and highlighted the importance of their contributions.

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Here are some ways to keep recognition fresh. The first step is to evolve the rituals. As your team grows or changes, it's important to adapt how you celebrate achievements. What worked for five people may not resonate with 20 or 50 or 100. The second step is to recognize growth. Celebrate progress, not just results.

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If you've ever struggled to find your voice or navigate tough conversations, his advice is truly transformational. And if you haven't listened yet to last week's solo episode, we explored how to unlock the extraordinary power of hope in shaping our lives and communities. That episode ties beautifully into the themes of today's discussion, so I highly recommend checking it out.

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Acknowledge the effort that leads to learning, even if the outcome isn't perfect. And third, be public but personal. Recognition should inspire the group, but also resonate deeply within the individual. Tailor your approach to each of their unique contributions. And then the last strategy that we can adopt to continue fostering a culture of mattering is to keep purpose relevant.

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Shared purpose is a dynamic force. But it can grow still if left unchecked. Teams need reminders of why their work matters and how it connects to the organization's broader mission. Keep in mind that purpose isn't a destination, but a journey. The composure of the passengers on Flight 1549 reflected a collective understanding of purpose. In this case, survival.

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But beyond that, it highlighted how Sully's calm communication aligned everyone around a single mission. So here are some ways to reignite purpose. The first is to revisit the story. Share new examples of how your team's work is making an impact. Show them that their efforts matter in real and tangible ways. Second, involve the team in the vision. Ask for their input on how to evolve the mission.

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People are more engaged when they feel ownership over the purpose. And then lastly, connect the dots. Regularly tie daily tasks back to the larger goals, reinforcing the importance in the bigger picture. What I have learned throughout my entire 30-year career is that leadership is a seasonless practice.

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And the miracle on the Hudson reminds us that leadership doesn't stop when the crisis ends or when a culture of mattering is established. The work of sustaining trust, recognition, and purpose is never complete. It's a reoccurring practice requiring constant attention and adaptation. So as you reflect on your own leadership, ask yourself,

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Am I staying aware of what's happening without stifling my team's growth? How can I keep recognition fresh and meaningful? And lastly, what am I doing to ensure that our shared purpose remains clear and relevant? Because the best gardens aren't just planted. They're nurtured for years to come. And the best leaders aren't just there for the extraordinary moments.

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They're there consistently in the ordinary ones. So I've discussed a lot today. I hope I've demonstrated throughout today's episode that the miracle on the Hudson isn't just a story of survival. It's a story of preparation, culture, and leadership. In society, we often marvel at the extraordinary moment, the plane gliding on the icy river.

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passengers standing on the wings, and Captain Sullenberger's steady voice guiding everyone to safety. But the core lesson lies beneath the surface. In the months following the incident, Sully reflected on how he managed to make such a flawless water landing. For 42 years, he said, I've been making small, regular deposits in this bank of experience, education, and training.

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For those of you new to the show, welcome to the Passion Struck family. With over 560 episodes, I know it can be overwhelming to decide where to start, but we've got you covered. Visit passionstruck.com slash starter packs or explore our curated playlists on Spotify covering topics like alternative health, leadership, resilience, emotional health, and personal growth.

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And on January 15, the balance was sufficient so that I could make a very large withdrawal. His words capture something fundamental about leadership. The extraordinary isn't improvised. It's built on years of small, deliberate actions, each one reinforcing trust, recognition, and purpose. So here is the key lesson for leaders.

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Sully's response reminds us that leadership isn't about dramatic gestures or commanding moments. It's about tending to the day-to-day interactions that build a culture of mattering. It's about creating an environment where others feel valued, trusted, and empowered to excel, not just in crises, but in the quieter challenges of daily life. This idea is the essence of Gardner leadership.

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a concept rooted in eyes-on, hands-off leadership. Leaders who embody this style focus on cultivating the conditions for growth, planting the seeds of trust, watering the roots of recognition, and ensuring the light of purpose shines on every individual. But building this culture isn't enough. Like Sully, we must continuously invest in it, making small, intentional deposits,

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that strengthen the bonds of our teams and communities over time. A culture of mattering doesn't happen by chance. It's built through small, deliberate actions. Trust grows when leaders empower others to take ownership. Recognition fuels confidence and motivates teams to perform at their best, and shared purpose transforms individual actions into collective success.

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These principles don't just prepare teams for extraordinary moments. They sustain them through the challenges of daily life. Everyday deposits lead to extraordinary dividends. So consider the deposits you're making in your relationships, teams, and communities. Are you taking time to ensure others feel seen and valued?

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The kindness of a quick thank you, the acknowledgement of a colleague's hard work, or the thoughtful encouragement of a friend. These actions create the trust and connection that allow teams to thrive. Just as Sully relied on decades of preparation, leaders who cultivate a culture of mattering ensure that when the moment comes,

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They and their teams have the resilience, confidence, and clarity to succeed. The miracle on the Hudson didn't just show us what happens in a crisis. It shows us what happens when a culture of mattering meets its moment. Trust wasn't improvised, recognition wasn't an afterthought, and shared purpose wasn't a lucky coincidence.

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These principles, built and sustained through deliberate leadership, are the true legacy of Flight 1549. They challenge us to reflect on our own leadership. Are we creating environments where trust flourishes? Are we recognizing the contributions of those around us in the ways that matter? And are we consistently reinforcing purpose to align and inspire our teams?

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Sully's reflection challenges us to think about the deposits we're making in our own leadership bank. Are we preparing ourselves and our teams for the moments that matter most? Leadership, like gardening, is a daily practice. It requires small, consistent efforts to nurture trust, recognize contributions, and reinforce purpose.

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These resources are designed to help you kickstart your journey of intentional living. And while you're there, don't forget to sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter. Each week, I share actionable strategies and thought-provoking insights that to help you thrive in all areas of your life.

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These actions may feel insignificant in the moment, but over time, they build the foundation for extraordinary outcomes. So as you move throughout your day, who needs to know you trust them? Whose efforts deserve recognition? And how can you remind your team of the larger purpose behind their work?

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Because when the moment comes, whether it's a crisis, a challenge, or an opportunity, you'll find that the culture you've cultivated will rise to meet it. What small deposit will you make today? And that's a wrap for today's episode.

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I hope my exploration of the miracle on the Hudson and the power of creating a culture of mattering has inspired you to reflect on your leadership and how you empower others to feel valued. Extraordinary outcomes don't just happen by chance. They're built on trust, recognition, and purpose, starting with you.

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If today's episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to leave a five-star rating and review. Your support helps others discover the show and join us on this journey of intentional living and impactful leadership. Do you know a leader or someone else in your life who could benefit from these insights? Share this episode with them.

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Together, we can amplify the ripple effects of these lessons and create meaningful change in our workplaces, communities, and lives. If you're ready to bring these ideas to life within your team or organization, I'd love to work with you. Through keynote speeches, workshops, and events, I help leaders ignite purpose, foster resilience, and cultivate cultures of mattering.

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Visit JohnRMiles.com slash speaking. to learn how we can partner for your next event. And if you haven't taken our Passion Start quiz yet, it's designed to help you uncover your unique drivers of purpose and passion. Whether you're navigating a new season or seeking clarity in your goals, this quiz will help provide insights. You can find it at passionstruck.com.

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And as always, for links, resources, and takeaways from today's episode, as well as a guide where you can explore how to implement a culture of mattering into your organization, head over to the show notes at passionstruck.com. You can also watch the video version of this episode on our YouTube channel. Don't forget to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode.

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And be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel for highlights and exclusive content designed to inspire and empower you. Now, let's get into today's episode. The morning of January 15, 2009 began like any other winter day in New York City. Cold, brisk, and unventful.

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Before we go, here's a sneak peek at next week's episode. I'll be joined by Dan Heath, the acclaimed author of Switch and Upstream. We'll be diving into his latest book, Reset, which explores how we can rethink and redesign systems to solve complex challenges. It's a powerful conversation packed with actionable insights. You won't want to miss it.

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Thank you for spending your time with me today. Your commitment to growing, learning, and leading with intention inspires me every single day. Remember, the smallest acts of recognition, trust, and purpose can transform lives, including your own. Until next time, keep striving to make every moment matter. And as always, live life passion strong.

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It was the kind of day where you pull your coat tighter, keep your head down against the wind, and go about your routine without much thought. At LaGuardia Airport, 155 passengers and crew boarded U.S. Airways flight 1549, settling into their seats as they prepared for a short flight to Charlotte. Some made small talk with seatmates, while others stared out the window, lost in their thoughts.

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But within minutes, their lives would be forever changed in ways no one could have ever anticipated. What followed in those 208 seconds is now the stuff of legend. After both engines failed, following a collision with a flock of geese, Captain Chesley Sully Sullenberger guided the powerless aircraft to a water landing on the Hudson River, saving every life on board.

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In today's episode, we uncover the surprising force behind one of the most extraordinary moments in modern history and how you can harness it to transform the way you lead. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles.

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The press called it the miracle on the Hudson, praising Sully's skill, calm under pressure, and quick thinking. Beyond the headlines, a deeper story emerges.

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one that goes beyond sully's technical expertise how did an entire team pilot co-pilot flight attendants and even passengers perform with such composure under unimaginable pressure the answer lies in something larger the culture of mattering that defined this moment it was a belief shared across the plane a deeply ingrained understanding that every action and decision carried significance.

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This culture wasn't born in those 208 seconds. It was built long before, through the leadership Sully embodied, the trust he cultivated, and the empowerment he fostered within his team. It was a testament to the quiet power of mattering in leadership. When people feel valued, when they know their efforts make a difference, remarkable things happen. Flight 1549 is proof of this truth.

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16 years later, the lessons of the miracle on the Hudson remain as relevant as ever. They remind us how a culture of mattering can transform not only crisis situations, but also the way we lead, collaborate, and connect in our daily lives. In this episode, I'll explore how the power of mattering and leadership can save lives, strengthen teams, and create extraordinary outcomes,

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in the everyday moments that matter most. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. The Miracle on the Hudson wasn't just a survival story. It was a story about preparation.

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Long before the engines failed, before the plane glided silently over New York City, a foundation had been laid. Captain Sully Sullenberger wasn't just a pilot. He was a gardener, tending to a culture of trust, respect, and shared purpose, one interaction at a time. This wasn't the kind of culture you could measure with metrics or charts.

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And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays.

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It was built in small, almost invisible ways, like the way Sully treated his co-pilot as an equal, the way he spoke with calm authority to his crew, and the way he fostered an environment where every individual felt their role mattered. His leadership style wasn't flashy. It was intentional, like that of a gardener. Take Sully's relationship with his first officer, Jeffrey Skiles.

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Despite being their first flight together, their coordination was seamless. And this wasn't luck. Sully's leadership philosophy emphasized preparation and trust. Values reinforced in every training, every conversation, and every day on the job. That foundation ensured that when the crisis hit, Sully and Skiles didn't need to think about trust. because it was already there.

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This culture extended beyond the cockpit. The flight attendants knew their roles weren't just about serving drinks or offering smiles. They were valued as critical members of the team. When Sully modeled respect and trust, It rippled outward, creating a workplace where everyone believed their contributions mattered. The miracle on the Hudson wasn't built in 208 seconds. It was built over decades.

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And the real lesson lies in understanding how those deliberate, everyday actions laid the groundwork for an extraordinary outcome. So let's explore the hidden forces behind the miracle on the Hudson. When the engines failed, Flight 1549 was transformed from an ordinary commuter flight into a test of human resilience and leadership.

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In those 208 seconds, a series of decisions and actions unfolded with astonishing precision. What made this possible were the hidden forces at play, the culture of mattering, trust, and shared purpose,

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that had been cultivated over time picture this the sound of birds hitting the engines then the sharp silence as both engines failed and the sinking realization in the cockpit in that moment sully turned to skiles not with panic but with purpose He trusted Skiles to manage the emergency procedures, while he focused entirely on the trajectory of the plane. That trust wasn't improvised.

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It was a muscle that they had both exercised through years of preparation and a shared understanding of their roles. In the cabin, the flight attendants moved swiftly. They weren't just following instructions. They were taking ownership. They calmed passengers. gave clear directions, and prepared for impact, all with a sense of authority that turned fear into focus.

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Their actions reflected a workplace where their roles were respected and their contributions valued. Even the passengers were part of this culture. They listened. They followed instructions. They helped one another don life vests and evacuate the plane in an orderly fashion. Panic could have derailed everything, but the collective sense of purpose kept chaos at bay. These hidden forces, trust,

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respect, shared purpose, were like the roots of a tree, invisible yet vital. They allowed the crew and passengers to function as one cohesive unit in the most terrifying of circumstances. The Miracle on the Hudson wasn't just about Scully's skill or the crew's training. It was about a culture that empowered ordinary people to achieve something extraordinary.

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So let's explore the anatomy of mattering. What does it take to build a culture where people rise to extraordinary challenges? How do leaders cultivate the trust, recognition, and shared purpose that transform Flight 1549 into the miracle on the Hudson? First, trust begins at the top. Sully didn't rely on control to lead. He relied on collaboration.

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We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Welcome back everyone to another Momentum Friday and episode 561 of Passion Struck.

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His trust in First Officer Jeffrey Skiles was evident as he delegated critical tasks during the crisis. This wasn't a spur-of-the-moment decision. It reflected years of practice in creating an environment where roles were clearly defined and people were empowered to take ownership.

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Sully trusted his team to perform their best, even under unimaginable pressure, and that trust became the foundation of their success. Second, recognition fuels confidence. The flight attendants acted with calm precision, preparing passengers and maintaining order, not because they were told to, but because they believed their actions mattered. This belief didn't appear overnight.

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It was the result of a workplace culture where their contributions were valued day in and day out. When people know their work is seen and appreciated, they develop the confidence to step up, especially in high-stakes moments. And third, shared purpose unites teams. The passengers' composure wasn't simply a testament to their individual bravery. It was a reflection of a collective understanding.

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From Sully's calm voice in the cockpit to the flight attendant's clear instructions, every action reinforced a shared purpose, survival. This clarity of mission transformed a diverse group of strangers into a unified team, where even the smallest actions carried weight and meaning. The miracle on the Hudson reminds us that extraordinary outcomes are never the result of chance.

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They are built on small, deliberate actions that foster trust, instill confidence, and align people around a common goal. These principles aren't limited to life or death situations. they are the foundation of any high-functioning team, whether in the cockpit, the boardroom, or the classroom. This leads to a vital question. How can we apply these lessons to our own lives and leadership?

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In the next section, we'll explore how leaders and teams can build their own culture of mattering, one intentional step at a time. The Miracle on the Hudson offers a roadmap for creating cultures where people thrive, not just in moments of crisis, but in the everyday challenges that define our lives.

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This approach to leadership is closely aligned with what I call Gardner leadership in my book Passion Struck. Like Captain Sullenberger, leaders who embrace this style focus on tending to their teams, cultivating trust, and empowering others to flourish.

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Gartner leadership operates on the philosophy of eyes on, hands off, staying deeply aware of the details while giving team members the freedom and trust to take ownership of their roles. It's not about controlling every element of your organization. It's about shaping the environment so that your team can succeed, even in high-pressure moments.

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Let's explore how leaders can adopt the principles of trust, recognition, and shared purpose within the framework of eyes-on, hands-off leadership. First, trust isn't given, it's built. When Sully trusted Jeffrey Skiles to handle the emergency checklist, It wasn't a leap of faith. It was a practiced habit. Sully understood that trust isn't built with words. It's built through consistent actions.

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Delegating responsibility isn't about relinquishing control. It's about empowering others to contribute their best. In Gardner leadership, trust is cultivated through small, deliberate acts of empowerment. It's the equivalent of planting seeds and trusting they'll grow. You prepare the soil, provide support, and step back to let the team take root. So how can you learn to build trust?

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Whether you're a loyal listener or joining us for the first time, I am so glad you're here. This is the space where we challenge the status quo, explore intentional living, and uncover the keys to leading a life full of purpose, passion, and impact. Before we dive into today's episode, let's take a moment to reflect.

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The first step is to delegate with intention. Start small by assigning tasks that challenge team members to grow. Pair delegation with support, ensuring they feel empowered, but not abandoned. Second, foster transparency. Share the why behind decisions and goals. When people understand the reasoning, trust naturally follows. Third, create accountability.

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When someone takes ownership and succeeds, acknowledge their effort. If they fall short, work together to learn and improve. Try this. At your next meeting, delegate a high visibility task to someone who hasn't had the spotlight before. Frame it as an opportunity to stretch their skills and show your confidence in their abilities.

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And this leads us to the second element of the framework of eyes-on, hands-off leadership. Recognition fuels confidence. The flight attendants on Flight 1549 acted with calm authority because they knew their contributions mattered. Recognition wasn't an occasional pat on the back. It was a consistent reinforcement of their value.

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In Gardner leadership, recognition is the fertilizer that allows growth to happen. When leaders acknowledge contributions, no matter how small, they create an environment where individuals feel valued and confident in their abilities. So how can you learn to foster recognition? First, you need to be specific.

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Generic praise like saying good job is less impactful than calling out a specific achievement, such as your attention to detail on the client report clarified our next steps. Thank you. The next thing you have to do is to make it regular. Recognition shouldn't be a one-off. This is where rituals come in, like starting team meetings by highlighting contributions that normalize acknowledgement.

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And then lastly, encourage peer recognition. Cultivate a culture where colleagues celebrate each other's efforts. It reinforces the idea that recognition isn't just a leader's job. So, consider trying this. At the end of the week, send a short, personalized message to each team member, highlighting one thing that they did well. Over time, these small actions add up to a culture of recognition.

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And the third element that I wanted to explore in the framework of eyes-on, hands-off leadership is why shared purpose creates unity. On flight 1549, shared purpose turned a group of strangers into a team. Passengers didn't just follow instructions, they acted with composure, helping one another because they understood they were part of something bigger.

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In Gardner leadership, purpose is the vision that ties every action to the broader mission. It's what inspires a gardener to keep tending, even through setbacks. Leaders who articulate a shared purpose create alignment, focus, and motivation within their teams. So here's how to cultivate shared purpose in your environment. First, connect roles to impact.

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The Lens Method: A New Way to Reframe Your Inner World | EP 612

Coming up next on Passion Struck, have you ever found yourself in a moment where everything looks fine on the outside, but inside it's like you're just not there? You're checking the boxes, showing up, but you've stopped feeling. In episode 612, we're not talking about burnout or breakdown. We're talking about something quieter and maybe even more dangerous. Because the real question isn't,

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Back when I was at Dell, standing in that kitchen, emotionally numb, and I had a story running underneath. And it sounded something like this. John, you should be grateful. You have worked so hard for this. Don't complain. And on the surface, that seemed pretty reasonable. But here's the trap. Gratitude without alignment is a cage.

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Just because something looks great on paper doesn't mean it feels right in your soul. And when I finally started examining that narrative, not judging it, just questioning it, it opened up a more honest space. Maybe it's okay to want something different. Maybe I've outgrown this version of success. That's the power of examination. You ask, is this helping or hurting me? Am I catastrophizing?

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What else might be true? What would someone who loves me say about this situation? Because when you shift from judgment to curiosity, something powerful happens. You create space, and in that space, you find choice. So if you're feeling stuck, here's your practice. Write down the core story in your head right now. Then ask, is there a kinder, more helpful version of this that could still be true?

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Because that's not delusion. That's emotional agility. It's not about denying difficulty. It's about refusing to be defined by it. And when you examine your thoughts with honesty and openness, You're one step closer to reclaiming your perspective and your power. So now you've named the story. You've examined it. You've poked holes in the fear-based logic and softened the rigid lines.

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But here's the thing. You can't just deconstruct the narrative. You have to replace it with something that grounds you. Because when old identities start to crack and familiar patterns no longer serve you, what do you build in their place? That brings us to the third lens. the letter N for name your anchor. Ask yourself, what value, belief, or identity do I want to lead with right now?

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Living with courage, clarity, and purpose. To celebrate, we're also running a giveaway. When you join the Ignition Room, our community for episode reflections, prompts, and behind-the-scenes conversations, you'll be automatically entered to win a PassionStruck t-shirt and hat from the new line. Joining is completely free. Just head to the show notes to sign up.

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This is the pivot point, the moment where reframing moves from reflection to reconnection. Because if you don't define who you are in the middle of uncertainty, the moment will do it for you. After I left Dell, I spent months spiraling, not in a dramatic way, just that quiet daily erosion of identity. If I'm not this job, then who am I? If I'm not producing, do I still have worth?

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It wasn't until I started asking myself a different question, a deeper one, that things began to shift. What do I want this next chapter to be about? And slowly, I began to name the anchors that had been there all along. Service, truth, courage, impact, These weren't goals. They were guides. Because when everything felt unstable, those values became handholds.

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This is what it means to name your anchor, to choose a value that aligns with the person you want to be, even if you're not fully there yet. And neuroscience supports this. When you act in alignment with core values, you activate the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, a part of the brain associated with self-integrity, purpose, and resilience.

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In other words, values don't just guide your behavior, they stabilize your nervous system. So here's your practice. Ask yourself, what matters more to me than fear right now? What identity am I choosing, regardless of the outcome? What would the future version of me thank me for leading with today? It might be kindness, curiosity, perhaps it's grit, compassion, or maybe honesty or courage.

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Choose one. Let it become your compass, especially when the path isn't clear. Because when you know what you're anchored to, You don't need certainty to keep moving. You just need alignment. So now you've named the story. You've examined the truth behind it. You've reconnected to a value, an identity you want to lead with. But here's the thing. Insight without action is just a good intention.

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The real transformation happens when you move, not in big dramatic gestures. but in small, aligned steps that bring your internal shift to the external world. This brings us to the final part of the lens framework, the letter S, step into the shift. Ask yourself, what's one small action I can take that reflects the story I want to live?

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This is where reframing becomes real because your nervous system doesn't just learn through thought. It learns through experience. When you act in alignment with a new belief, your brain creates new associations. I can do hard things. I'm capable of change. I don't have to wait until I'm perfect to move.

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It builds upon what Albert Bandura called self-efficacy, the belief that your actions can still make a difference. For me, in the months after leaving Dell, stepping into the shift looked small. Saying yes to coffee with a friend I had neglected. Writing one honest paragraph about what I was feeling. Setting boundaries I used to blur. Nothing flashy. Nothing Instagram-worthy.

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And while we're on the subject of deeper connection, I also want to tell you about something that we're also creating. We are replacing my newsletter, Live Intentionally, with our new sub stack, The Ignited Life.

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But each act reinforced a new truth. I'm not stuck. I'm shifting. That's how you build momentum, especially when it's dark. And here's the thing. In uncertain seasons, we wait for clarity before we move. But the reality is clarity comes from movement. You don't need a master plan.

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You need one action that honors your value, supports your mental health, and reminds you, I'm not just surviving this, I'm shaping it. So try this. Once you've labeled your story, examined it, and anchored it to a value, ask yourself, what's one thing I can do today that proves that's true? If your anchor is honesty, have one real conversation. If your anchor is courage, say the thing. Hit send.

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Set the boundary. If your anchor is healing, take the nap. Book the appointment. Let yourself rest. Here's the key. Micro moves become macro belief. Not because the step is big, but because the message is clear. I am the author of this moment, and I get to choose how I move forward.

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So let's bring this entire conversation full circle back to that morning in the kitchen, back to the blankness, back to the version of me that was high-performing, and deeply disconnected. At the time, I didn't know what I needed. But now, looking back, I realize what I was missing. It wasn't more strategy, and it certainly wasn't more productivity.

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It was a better frame, a way to see my experience that didn't end with shame or shutdown, but opened the door to alignment, action, and resilience. That's what this framework is for. LENS isn't just a mental model. It's a practice. It's how you reclaim agency, how you metabolize the moments that threaten to undo you, and how you remember who you are when life tries to make you forget.

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it's the written companion to everything we're building here each week i'll share mental fitness tools behind the scenes stories and practices i don't publish anywhere else both spaces the ignition room and the ignited life are built to help you take what you hear in these episodes and actually apply it to your life now on to today's episode

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And this episode, it's not a standalone. It's part of something much bigger. This whole month on Passion Struck, we've been reframing mental health, not as crisis, not as weakness, but as the quiet foundation of a meaningful life. In episode 606, I talked about how mattering is the anchor beneath your mental well-being and how neglecting that doesn't just delay the cost, it compounds it.

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And then in episode 609, I walk through mental health habits that anchor you in uncertainty, five small practices that restore clarity, connection, and self-trust when life gets unsteady. In the interviews, each one has added a different lens. Yonge Mingor Rinpoche reminded us that peace doesn't come from escaping discomfort, but learning how to sit with it.

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Dr. Andrew Newberg showed us how spiritual and contemplative practices actually rewire the brain for emotional regulation and clarity. Beat Simpkin, yesterday's episode, cracked open what it means to live raw, honest, and awake in the face of grief and transcendence. Elizabeth Weingarten revealed how the right questions, not answers, can unlock the kind of self-inquiry that leads to growth.

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And Gretchen Rubin reminded us, the secrets of adulthood aren't about having it all figured out, but about noticing the small truths that keep us grounded. All of it builds towards this. Mental health isn't the absence of struggle. It's the presence of support, self-trust, and emotional flexibility. That's why we're doing this series.

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Because reframing your inner world isn't optional if you want a meaningful life. It's step one. So as I close today, here's your invitation. Pick one moment this week. Any moment. Pause. Label the story. Examine the narrative. Name the value. Step into the shift. That's your lens. Use it. because the difference between spiraling and growing is often just how you frame it.

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And if this episode landed for you, share it, rate it, talk about it, and most of all, live it. And if you want to go deeper, don't forget, subscribe to the Ignited Life, our weekly substack where I share tools, stories, and strategies for building a life that reflects who you really are. And join the Ignition Room, our free community,

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where we go beyond the podcast and into real conversations with people who are committed to living intentionally. And make sure you're subscribed, because next Tuesday, I'm talking with Joseph Nguyen, New York Times number one bestselling author of the global bestseller, Don't Believe Everything You Think. And we're getting right to the root of suffering.

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Because if you've ever felt trapped in your own head, if your thoughts feel like quicksand, or your voice keeps dragging you back into shame, self-judgment, or not enoughness, this conversation is for you.

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We're deep into Mental Health Awareness Month now, and this episode keeps pulling on a thread we've been following together from the start, how we care for our inner world when life gets messy. In episode 606, I explored why mental health isn't just emotional, it's existential. And then in episode 609, I broke down five science-backed habits that can anchor you when everything feels unstable.

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Until next time, notice more, name what matters, and live life passion-struck.

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And earlier this week, I had two powerful conversations that took this even further. On Tuesday, I spoke with Dr. Zach Mercurio about the power of mattering and how recognition, not just performance, is what shapes fulfillment at work and in life. And then on Thursday, I was joined by Biet Simkin on how grief, beauty, and consciousness intersect to shape your inner experience.

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Her insights were raw, spiritual, and unforgettable. Which brings us to today, because even with the right habits, even when you're anchored, life still moves, and sometimes it shakes us loose. So the question is this, when change and challenge come, can your inner world flex and adapt without losing yourself? That's what today's episode is about.

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We're talking about reframing, not spin, not force positivity, but the neuroscience-backed ability to see your own story through a new lens so you can grow through the challenge, not just survive it. We'll explore the lens framework, a simple, powerful structure to help you rewire how you interpret stress adversity, and uncertainty.

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How do I stay strong? It's how do I shift the story I'm telling myself before it breaks me? What if resilience starts with one small internal change? And what if you already have the tools to make it? Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles.

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Because sometimes transformation doesn't start with a bold decision. It starts with a quiet shift in perspective. Let's get into it. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. I want to take you back to 2010. I was about a year into my tenure as a senior executive at Dell.

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I was leading a global team, traveling the world constantly, running on all cylinders. And let me tell you, I had chased that role for years. Dell was my dream company. I loved what Michael Dell had built. and I had worked relentlessly to earn a seat at that table. But once I got there, something started to shift, slowly, quietly, almost imperceptibly. I remember this one morning vividly.

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I had just gotten back from one of my frequent international trips, exhausted but trying to play catch-up. I went for my usual early morning walk, came home, poured a cup of coffee, and stood in the kitchen helping my kids get ready for school. And I felt nothing. Not joy, not stress, not gratitude, just blankness. I was there, but I wasn't in it. I had become a spectator to my own life.

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And here's the thing. I wasn't falling apart. I was still functioning, still producing, still performing. But I had stopped feeling. It reminded me of that song, Numb, by Linkin Park. That lyric, All I want to do is be more like me and be less like you. It's the battle between who you are, who you're pretending to be, and who the world expects you to become.

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And in that moment, I realized I wasn't even sure who I was being anymore. That's what today's episode is about. Because it's easy to talk about mental health when things fall apart. But what about when you're just drifting? When the story you're telling yourself becomes quiet, repetitive, and emotionally detached, that's where reframing comes in, not as a performance.

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not as spin, but as a way to reclaim authorship of your inner world. We've talked in past episodes about the power of serendipity and how mental health is the quiet infrastructure beneath everything that matters. But today we turn inward because how you frame your inner world, the thoughts you repeat, the labels you wear, the meaning you assign to challenge, shapes everything else.

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And this isn't just mindset fluff, it's science. Reframing isn't pretending, it's not spin, and it's definitely not toxic positivity. It's a core psychological skill backed by decades of research in neuroscience and behavioral psychology. Let me walk you through four key findings. Let's start with one of the most studied techniques in emotional regulation, cognitive reappraisal.

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And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays.

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This idea was pioneered by researchers like James Gross at Stanford, and the principle is simple but powerful. You can't always change what's happening, but you can change how you interpret it. MRI scans have shown that when people reframe a stressful event, like viewing criticism as a chance to learn instead of a personal attack, they actually reduce activity in the amygdala.

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That's your fear center. So it's not just mental gymnastics. Reframing literally calms the threat response in your brain. Now, here's where it gets even more fascinating. Neuroplasticity. For years, scientists thought the brain was fixed after childhood. But now we know that's just not true.

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Through research by pioneers like Michael Mercinich and Norman Doidge, we've learned that our brains are rewiring machines. And that includes how we process emotion. The more you practice reframing, seeing challenge as opportunity, stress as signal, discomfort as data, the more those pathways get reinforced.

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You're not just changing your mindset, you're literally rebuilding your mental infrastructure. And then next up is learned optimism, a concept developed by Dr. Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology. His research found that optimistic people don't ignore problems, but they do explain them to themselves differently.

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When things go wrong, they see it as temporary, not permanent, specific, not personal, a challenge, not a character flaw. That's reframing in action. And here's the kicker. It's not just for positive people. Optimism is learnable. You can train your brain to shift the story from I failed, so I'm a failure, to that failed, but I can learn from it. And finally, there's growth mindset.

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a term coined by Carol Dweck at Stanford. It's the idea that talent and intelligence aren't fixed. They can be developed. And that means failure doesn't define you. It refines you. And when you frame struggle as evidence of growth, not evidence that you're not enough, you build resilience. So instead of thinking, I can't do this, you start to think, I can't do this yet.

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That single word yet is a reframe and it changes everything. This is where reframing becomes more than a mental hack. It becomes a way of moving through challenge with clarity instead of collapse. In episode 606, in case you want to go back and listen to it, I talked about the mattering mental health loop. When we believe we matter, we engage. When we engage, we notice.

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And when we notice, we act with care. And in the Serendipity episode 600, I explored the preparedness loop. When you believe what you do might matter, you show up differently. You notice differently. You respond differently. These two loops focused on external action and how engagement leads to meaning. But this episode, this one's about the inner narrative.

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Because if your inner story says, I'm failing, I'm behind, this pain means I'm broken, then it doesn't matter how many external tools or connections you have. You're still going to feel stuck. And that's why we don't need a new loop. We've already talked about those in past episodes. What we need is a new lens, because reframing doesn't erase the storm.

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It gives you a window through which to see it differently. And that shift, small as it may seem, is often the difference between spiraling and steadying. So next, I want to share a tool with you, one that distills everything we've just explored, the science, the psychology, and the soul of resilience into something that you can actually use.

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We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey everyone, John here, and welcome to episode 612 of Passion Struck.

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It's called LENS, L-E-N-S, and it's built on four simple but powerful questions designed to help you shift your inner story one frame at a time. So now that we've seen the science, the why behind reframing, let's talk about the how. Because it's one thing to know your brain can shift the story. It's another to know how to start doing it when the pressure is on.

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That's where the lens framework comes in. It's a simple, powerful tool that you can use to reframe in real time. And it starts with this. The letter L. Label the story. Ask yourself, what am I telling myself about this right now? Because most of the time, we don't. We just react. We push through. But underneath that reaction is a story. And if you never pause to name it, that story runs the show.

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This is where reframing begins, with awareness. Because you can't change a story you haven't named. Think about it. When stress hits, When something unexpected throws you off course, your brain doesn't default to neutrality. It builds a narrative, fast and often unconsciously. You say to yourself things like, I always mess this up. They don't respect me. I'm falling behind.

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This is the beginning of the end. We rarely say these things out loud, but I think we all know they run beneath the surface and shape how we feel, how we act, and what we believe is possible. Back in that moment at Dell, standing in the kitchen, completely numb, I didn't have the language for what was happening.

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But if I had labeled it honestly, it might have sounded like, I'm functioning, but I'm not here. Or maybe I built a life that doesn't feel like mine anymore. That's what this first lens is about, labeling the story so that you can stop letting it run silently in the background. And labeling the story doesn't mean judging yourself.

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It means pausing long enough to ask, what story is driving me right now? Is it fear or failure? Is it the need to prove something? Is it shame from the past showing up in the present? When you name it, you slow it down. You create space between stimulus and response. This step echoes something we talked about in episode 606, the erosion that happens when we stop feeling like we matter.

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Because when you don't label the story, your mind fills in the gaps with the worst possible explanations. And neuroscience backs this up. Dr. Daniel Siegel, a pioneer in interpersonal neurobiology, has a phrase for this. He calls it, name it to tame it.

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When we name what we're experiencing emotionally or cognitively, we actually reduce activity in the amygdala and increase regulation in the prefrontal cortex. That's the part of the brain responsible for clarity and conscious decision-making. So I want you to try this.

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The next time you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or shut down, pause for just 10 seconds and ask yourself, what's the story I'm telling myself right now? and write it down. It might feel like, I feel like I have to get this right, or I'll disappoint everyone. I think they're pulling away from me, and it's my fault. I'm scared I'll never feel like myself again.

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Before we dive in to today's conversation, I want to share a few updates that I couldn't be more excited about. First, after months of design and intention, we have launched the Passion Struck clothing line. This collection isn't just apparel. It's wearable belief. From You Matter, Live Like It, to Own Your Own Spark, every piece was created to reflect what we stand for as a movement.

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And I know those are all difficult questions to ask, but now you've got a starting point, a name, a handle on the moment, because awareness is the first act of agency. And once you name the story, you've taken back the pen. But now comes the next challenge. looking at what you've written and asking, is this story really true or just familiar?

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We'll talk about that next, right after this quick message. Since it's Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to remind you that this entire month on PassionStruck is dedicated to conversations that don't just inspire you, they support you. From solo episodes like this to interviews with experts like Dr. Andrew Newberg, Biet Simkin, Yonge Mingyur Rinpoche, and Gretchen Rubin.

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We're diving deep into what it means to care for your mind, your emotions, and your sense of meaning in a chaotic world. If you've been finding this episode helpful, I'd love to invite you to check out The Ignition Room, our new community for real-time reflection, support, and growth. It's completely free, and the link's in the show notes. Welcome back.

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In this first part of The Lens Framework, we talked about the power of labeling the story, naming what you're telling yourself so that you can disrupt emotional autopilot. But once you've named it, the next question becomes, is this story actually true? Is it helpful? Is it complete? Because not every thought you have is a fact. And not every story your brain spins is the full picture.

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And that brings us to the second lens, the letter E, examine the narrative. Our brains are storytelling machines, but under stress or uncertainty, those stories often shrink. Our brains are wired for storytelling. We collapse possibilities into worst-case scenarios. We mistake feelings for facts, and we internalize moments as lifelong patterns.

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Psychologists call this cognitive fusion, when you become so entangled with a thought that it feels like truth. You say things to yourself like, I'll never get out of this. This is all my fault. Or, if it was better, this wouldn't be happening. And this leads me back to the story I started from.

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Carrie Joy Grimes on How to Break Free from Financial Insecurity | EP 585

Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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Then on Thursday, I spoke with Bryant Wood, a former model and bodybuilder turned breathwork expert, about the power of vulnerability, emotional healing, and the importance of redefining masculinity. If you've ever struggled with connection or self-worth, His insights will change how you think about personal growth.

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Now, today's episode is something a little different, and I think you're going to love it. Instead of our regular format with me doing a solo episode, I'm bringing you an episode from a show I truly admire, System Catalyst, which is hosted by my friend Jeff Walker, who you might remember from PassionStruck episode 99 and English Sol.

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System Catalyst tells the stories of changemakers who put their egos aside to transform the systems that shape our world. In this episode, Jeff sits down with Kerry Jo Grimes, known as CJ, the founder of WorkMoney, a nonprofit with over 8.1 million members that's dedicated to helping Americans save money, increase their financial security, and improve their well-being. Today's episode, here's

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and what we can do about it. And finally, the power of listening, how work money success.

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And that's a wrap. What an incredible conversations from our friends at System Catalysts. CJ Grimes' insights on financial well-being, economic security, and the power of listening to create meaningful change remind us that real impact happens when we meet people where they are.

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Her leadership over work money is a testament to how intentional action and community-driven solutions can transform lives. And I hope it left you as inspired as it did me. As we wrap up, take a moment to reflect. What does financial security mean to you? Not just in numbers, but in emotions and freedom.

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How can we use our collective strength to build systems that truly support people, not just economies? And how do you take action today, whether in your own life or in your community? to create a more secure, purpose-driven future. If you found this episode valuable, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review.

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Your support helps fuel the PassionStruck mission and ensures we continue bringing you thought-provoking conversations like this one. And if you know someone who could benefit from CJ's insights, share this episode with them. It could be the spark they need. For all the resources we discussed today, including more from System Catalyst and Work Money, visit the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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Want to dive deeper into intentional living? then subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com, where I share exclusive insights, tools, challenges, and strategies every week to help you live with greater clarity and purpose. You can catch video versions of all our episodes and more on our YouTube channels. Head over to John R. Miles and Passion Struck Clips on YouTube.

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Hit subscribe and join our growing community of impact-driven thinkers. And if today's discussion sparked ideas for your organization or team, let's bring these insights to life. I speak with companies, leadership teams, and conferences about creating intentional change. Visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn more.

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On Tuesday, I'm sitting down with bestselling author Nir Eyal, the expert on habit formation, focus, and mastering distractions. If you've ever felt like your attention is constantly being hijacked, Nir will show you how to take back control and become truly indistractable. You won't want to miss it, so make sure you're subscribed and ready for another transformative conversation.

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is driven by deeply understanding its members and meeting their real needs this is an inspiring conversation about how to create meaningful impact at scale and i'm honored to share it with you today if you enjoy this episode be sure to check out systems catalyst and follow the link in the show notes to explore more of their incredible work Now let's dive in.

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And remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value today, share it with someone who needs to hear it. Because knowledge alone doesn't create change. Action does. Until next time, live life passion-struck.

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Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Here's Jeff Walker's conversation with CJ Grimes on System Catalyst. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey, PassionStruck fam. Welcome to episode 585.

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Whether you're a longtime listener or tuning in for the first time, I am so excited you're here. You've joined a global movement dedicated to unlocking human potential, creating intentional change and making what truly matters, matter most. Before we dive in, let's take a moment to reflect on some of the incredible conversations we've had this week.

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On Tuesday, I sat down with Dr. Lori Santos, the all-professor and host of the Happiness Lab podcast. to explore why happiness isn't just about personal joy, but about feeling like we matter. We broke down the biggest misconceptions about happiness and why our pursuit of success and convenience often leaves us more disconnected than fulfilled.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck. You work hard, you show up, you give everything you've got. And yet, why does it sometimes feel like none of it makes a difference? Why does it feel like you could walk out tomorrow and aside from a grief goodbye email, nothing would change? You're not alone. And here's the shocking truth. The reason people check out isn't what you think.

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If you want to know whether you're the kind of leader people will remember, the kind of leader people will fight to work for, then this is what you need to measure. It ended up becoming four different questions that profoundly changed the way that I think about leadership. It starts with the first question. Do you believe your leadership matters? Let's start with you.

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Because if you don't believe that what you do matters, why should anyone else? And this leads me to a story. As I was transitioning from my job at Dell, I had the opportunity to interview at Microsoft to become their chief information officer. And at the time, Steve Ballmer was leading the company. And it was pretty shocking what I discovered during my interview process.

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The people I encountered throughout the interview process, all they cared about were numbers. I never heard anyone talking about culture. I never heard anyone talk about values. I never heard anyone talk about a psychologically rich environment where they were being allowed to grow. And then during that interview process, I met someone who was completely different than the rest.

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It was Satya Nadella. And while I was interviewing with him, he told me that Microsoft was a shell of what it used to be. But he believed that there was a possibility to transform their culture and become the company that they once were. And as we've seen with Satya's work now as the CEO of Microsoft, he has completely transformed Microsoft's culture.

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When he took over in 2014, the company, as I saw it, was stagnant. Employees were stuck in silos. Innovation was slow and engagement was low. So what did he do? He focused on one thing. One thing that Carol Dweck pioneered. growth mindset. He shifted the culture from know-it-all to learn-it-all. He made curiosity, learning, and people development part of Microsoft's DNA. And guess what happened?

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Tuesday, Dr. Shige Owishi joined me to explore a psychologically rich life, why success isn't just about happiness or achievement, but about collecting meaningful, diverse experiences. Thursday, I sat down with Katherine Morgan Schaffler, broke down the truth about perfectionism, why it's not something to fix, but something to master.

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Microsoft's stock tripled, innovation skyrocketed, and employees started believing in their work again. That's what personal mattering looks like. If you're disengaged, exhausted, and running on autopilot, your team will be too. But if you lead from a place of purpose, clarity, and impact, your team will follow. Now let's turn this back to you. Do you wake up with a sense of purpose?

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Are you leading in alignment with your core values? Are you creating an environment where people don't just perform, but actually thrive? Because how you show up sets the tone for your team. In fact, 58% of employees say they wish their workplace has surveyed engagement more often. And here's why that matters. If you're not paying attention, you're not leading. And here's what I've also learned.

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The way you feel about your own leadership is contagious. So this leads to a leadership challenge that I want to take you through. I want you to take 60 seconds. You can pause the podcast right now. Write down one sentence that describes the impact you believe that you're making. Be honest. Does it feel true or does it feel like something you're still working toward?

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And this leads to the second question we need to ask ourself to understand the four core dimensions of leadership. Do the people you lead feel seen, heard, and valued? Now, let's talk about your team. The best leaders don't just drive results. They create a culture where people feel valued. 37% of employees say recognition is the number one thing that drives them.

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51% of employees who receive consistent recognition would highly recommend their company as a great place to work. And I don't just mean recognized. I mean truly seen. Jeff Bezos once said, Invention requires a willingness to be misunderstood for a long time. Amazon thrives because people feel safe to challenge ideas. But guess what?

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That doesn't happen unless leaders create a culture where people feel seen, heard, and valued. But here's what happens when people feel invisible. They stop contributing. They stop speaking up. They start thinking, why bother? And that's how you lose your best people. Not because they dislike their job, but because they feel like their voice doesn't matter.

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And this leads me to Pixar, where Ed Catmull introduced a system called brain trust, a process where junior animators and senior directors all had an equal voice. Why did Ed do this? Because at Pixar, everyone's ideas mattered. And that's why Pixar didn't just make movies. They made masterpieces. If you're serious about becoming a leader people want to work for, ask yourself this.

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Do your employees feel comfortable sharing their ideas with you? And then ask yourself... How often do you acknowledge their contributions? Not just results, but the effort behind the results. And then lastly, do your people feel heard? Because if they don't, they're already checking out. So let me give you a leadership challenge where you can practice this. At your next meeting, try this.

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And today, we're shifting the focus, because what if the missing piece isn't just about personal fulfillment, but about how we lead and how we're led? So let me ask you something. Have you ever busted your ass at work, poured everything into a project, only to feel like no one noticed? Like your ideas don't land. Like you're invisible. Like you could disappear tomorrow.

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Instead of talking first, ask your team, what do you think? And if their idea is great, then say so. Because sometimes the smallest acknowledgement is all it takes for someone to stay engaged. And this leads us to the third question for measuring your leadership impact. Does your workplace create a sense of ownership? Because mattering isn't just an individual experience.

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And this is so important to understand. It has to be built into the culture. But here's the thing. People don't just want a paycheck. They don't just want a job title. They want to know their work is leading somewhere. Howard Schultz, the former CEO of Starbucks, understood this better than anyone. Starbucks wasn't just a coffee company. He built a community. He gave his baristas stock options.

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He called them partners, not employees. And what happened? Employee turnover dropped. Customer loyalty exploded. Starbucks became one of the most successful brands in history because when people feel like they matter, they show up differently. So here's the question you need to ask yourself. Do your employees feel that kind of ownership?

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Because if they don't feel ownership, you're going to lose them. So here's a leadership challenge that you can implement. When I was at Dell, one of the metrics that we were fanatical about was net promoter score.

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And when it comes to employee engagement, there's something called employee net promoter score, which is a metric that measures how likely employees are to recommend their company to others. It's one of the strongest indicators of whether people feel like they matter at work. The Employee Net Promoter Score Survey asks one simple question.

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On a scale of 0 to 10, how likely is it that your employees are going to recommend your company's products and services to others? Some companies like to be more specific and ask, would you recommend it to a friend's colleague or family member? If they answer 9 to 10, they're a promoter. If they answer 0 to 6, then they're a detractor.

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Promoters are your most positive, motivated, and satisfied people. Detractors are people who won't recommend your business and are unhappy and disengaged. So if your employee net promoter score is low, if you have a lot of detractors, it's time to stop optimizing for productivity and start optimizing for purpose. And then this leads to maybe the most important question.

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Will the impact that you are creating outlive you? This is the final piece. And honestly, it's the one most leaders miss. Because leadership isn't just about what happens while you're in charge. It's about what remains after you're gone. And this leads me to a couple important statistics. Only 29% of employees feel satisfied with career growth opportunities.

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And 44% of employees say that they're very satisfied when their skills are being developed. If you're not developing people, you're losing them. So let's turn this back to you. Are you mentoring and developing future leaders? Will the values you've instilled continue long after you leave? And finally, does your leadership extend beyond your company to your industry? community, or society.

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Because here's the reality. People don't just want a paycheck. They don't just want a title. They want to grow. And that means if you want to be a leader, people remember you need to be investing in them today. And this brings us to another leadership challenge. I want to ask you something really profound. If you left tomorrow, what would your team say about you?

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If they were going to write it down, what would they remember about the way that you made them feel? And if the answer they're writing down isn't the one that you want to define your legacy, then it's time to change. Because if you don't define your leadership legacy, someone else will. So now I want to tell you a story about Sarah Blakely, the founder of Spanx.

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And aside from an awkward goodbye email, nothing would change. That feeling, that's what makes people check out. And it's not about paychecks. It's not about promotions. It's not even about job security. People don't quit jobs. They quit when they stop feeling like they matter. And yet most leaders are so focused on numbers.

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Blakely started with an idea, a prototype, and a mission. No fancy MBA, no venture capital, just what Angela Duckworth calls grit. But here's what set her apart. She made sure every employee, from product development to warehouse workers, knew exactly why their work mattered. She personally called her first customers.

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She celebrated small wins, and she created a company where people didn't just work, they felt connected to something bigger. Because when people feel like they matter, they give everything. everything. And what happened? Spanx became a billion-dollar empire. Her employees were fiercely loyal, and she was the youngest self-made female billionaire in history.

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Not because she had the best business plan, but because she understood if people feel like they matter, they will go all in. So this begs the question, how are you measuring up? We have been measuring leadership all wrong. We track numbers. We analyze performance. We optimize for efficiency.

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But the leaders who create real impact, the ones like Jay Skibinski, Satya Nadella, Howard Schultz, and Sarah Blakely, they're the ones who are remembered decades later. And they aren't the ones who just hit targets. They're the ones who saw people. who stretched them, who made them believe in themselves before they even believed in themselves. That's what leadership is about.

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And if you want to be that kind of leader, start by asking yourself these four questions. Do I believe my work matters? Do my people feel valued? Am I building a culture of ownership? And will my impact outlive me? because this is the real test of leadership. Not just what you achieve, but how deeply you make others feel that they matter. Now it's over to you.

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It's time to measure yourself and decide what kind of leader will you be. This brings us to the challenge of the week. I'm going to challenge you to rate yourself on how you measure up on the lessons from today's podcast. Because here's the deal. If you're leading, you're already being measured, whether you realize it or not. So let's get real. I want you to go through these four questions.

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And after you hear them, I'm going to ask you to score yourself. The first question is, do you lead with purpose? The second question is, do your people feel valued? The third question is, does your culture encourage ownership? And then the fourth question is, are you building leaders who outlast you?

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Now, I'm going to go through these questions one more time, and I want you to score yourself on a scale of 1 to 10. Do your people lead with purpose? Do your people feel valued? Does your culture encourage Encourage ownership. And are you building leaders who outlast you? And then as you evaluate your scores, ask yourself, where do you need to grow? Because this isn't just a podcast.

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This is your wake-up call. And if you're leading a team, it's time to step up. DM me on Instagram right now with one thing you're changing this week. No excuses. No waiting. Do it now. Because people don't quit jobs. They quit leaders. And the real question is, are you the type of leader they fight to stay for? And now I've given you this framework. It's yours to use.

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revenue, efficiency, KPIs, that they forget the very one thing that actually drives results. People feeling seen, heard, and valued. And here's the real truth. People don't leave because of a bad quarter. They don't leave because of a bad boss. They leave when they feel invisible. And the data proves it. Gallup reports that only 31% of employees feel engaged at work.

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Think about the leaders who shaped you. The people who are like the Jay Skibinskis in your life. The ones who changed your career. Your confidence. maybe even your life. It wasn't just because they hit their KPIs. It wasn't just because they got results. It was because they made you believe in yourself. It was because they saw something in you before you even saw it yourself.

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It was because they made you matter. So here's the mic drop moment. Well, people say that about you because at the end of the day, mattering isn't a soft skill. It's your competitive edge. And the best part, you control it. You create it. You become it. Now, go lead like you mean it. And that's a wrap on today's episode. But here's the thing.

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This can't just be something you listen to and move on from. The best leaders, the ones who truly make a difference, aren't just about strategy or results. They're the ones who make people feel seen, valued, and capable of more than they've ever imagined. Now go out there and lead like you mean it and share this with other leaders and colleagues who need to hear it.

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Be the one who helps them take that first step to create a culture of mattering. And if you want to go deeper, I don't want to just talk about these ideas. I want to bring them into organizations, into teams, inspiring leaders, inspiring organizations worldwide. If today's conversation hit home, and you think your group could benefit, let's connect.

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Through keynotes, workshops, and events, I help ignite purpose, focus, and intentionality where it matters most. Head over to johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn more. Coming up next on Passion Struck, next week I am sitting down with none other than Randy Blythe, the powerhouse lead singer of the band Lamb of God.

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We're talking about resilience, discipline, and what it takes to push through challenges most people would walk away from. And trust me, this conversation is going to hit hard in the best way possible. You won't want to miss it.

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So here's the deal. You're not here just to consume content. You're here because you're investing in yourself. And that's what PassionStruck is all about. So take what you've learned today. apply it, and keep showing up for yourself because no one else can do that for you. And remember, the fee for this show is simple.

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If you got value here, share it, leave a five-star rating, post it, text it, email it, get it into the hands of people who need it. Until next time, keep chasing the stuff that matters. And as always, live life passion-struck.

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70% of high performers would take a pay cut to work for a leader who makes them feel appreciated. And 33% of employees leave their jobs just because they feel uninspired and want new challenges. Let me repeat that. People would literally make less money just to feel like they matter. So here's the real question. Are you leading in a way that makes people want to stay?

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Because this episode isn't about soft skills. It's about the metric that changes everything. The metric of mattering. And before we get into today's episode, if you're new here, welcome to Passion Struck. This platform is more than just a podcast. It's a movement. With over 570 episodes, we've built a global community dedicated to unlocking human potential.

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Most of us assume people quit because of money, stress, or burnout. But what if I told you that there's something even deeper at play, something most leaders completely overlook? And that's exactly what we're unpacking today. Because there's one shift.

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And I know it can be overwhelming to know where to start. That's why we've created episode starter packs, curated playlists on topics like leadership, mindset, and resilience. Find them at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or on Spotify. Want even more? Subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com slash newsletter for exclusive insights.

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And don't forget to subscribe to YouTube for behind the scenes content and highlights. So let's get real for a second. If you're leading a team, managing a business, or just trying to build a meaningful career, you have to ask yourself, are you creating an environment where people actually want to stay? Because today's episode isn't just about leadership.

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It's about the core human need that makes all the difference. mattering. We're diving into why people disengage, how great leaders create a culture where people thrive, and most importantly, how you can apply this whether you're leading an entire company or just leading yourself.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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I need to talk to you about something that's been on my mind for a long time, something I've been researching for years, and I'm finally ready to break it down because I believe this one fundamental issue is at the root of why so many workplaces are struggling, why employee engagement is at an all-time low, why burnout is skyrocketing, and why great talent is walking away. And it's this.

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What if we've been measuring leadership all wrong? I want you to think about something for a second. When we talk about leadership, what's the first thing we measure? We track revenue. We analyze efficiency. We optimize for market share, productivity, and growth. We assume that if the numbers look good, leadership must be working. But let me ask you a different question.

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When was the last time you asked yourself if your people feel like they matter? Because here's the truth. 71% of executives agree that high employee engagement is the number one driver of success. Companies with a thriving corporate culture grow revenue. Get this. four times faster than their competitors. And 84% of employees feel more motivated when recognized for their work.

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One fundamental truth that transformed a global company, built unshakable teams, and proved that the best leaders don't just get results, they make people want to stay. Trust me, you'll want to hear this. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles.

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So if these aren't the statistics, why are so many companies ignoring them? Why are so many leaders losing great people over something they could easily fix? Because here's something I have learned. The greatest leaders in history weren't just masters of execution. They were architects of significance. They built companies where people didn't just work. They belonged.

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And that's exactly what we're talking about today. Because at the end of the day, the best leaders don't just deliver results. They make people feel like they truly matter.

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now i want you to pause for a second and be real with yourself have you ever checked out at work not because you hate the job but because you feel like no one cared yeah that's the problem we're talking about today why people really quit and why it's not what you think let's start with a quick thought experiment imagine you're part of a high performing team at a well-known company

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Your boss is competent. The pay is solid. The work is even intellectually stimulating. On paper, everything looks great, but deep down, something is missing. Your contributions feel unnoticed. Your ideas, they never seem to get traction. The higher-ups make decisions in a vacuum, and there's no real sense that your work truly matters. At first, it's subtle. But over time, something happens.

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You start disengaging. And that shows up because you stop speaking up in meetings. You contribute less and less. You stop volunteering for high-stakes projects. And eventually, despite the salary, despite the benefits, despite the prestige, you start looking elsewhere. Does this sound familiar?

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think about this high performers don't leave for money they leave for meaning as i mentioned earlier 70 would take a pay cut just to work for a leader who gets it this is so important i want to say it again people would literally make less money just to work for a leader who makes them feel seen that is how powerful mattering is this led me to study the psychology of why we stay or why we leave

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And this is where my conversation with Dr. Shige Iwishi, who was on the show earlier this week, changed everything for me. Dr. Iwishi is a leading psychologist and the author of Life in Three Dimensions. And in that podcast, we get into this incredible discussion about what makes life fulfilling. And he shared something that completely shifted how I think about leadership.

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For decades, we've been told that a good life

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And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays.

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is about two fundamental things first happiness a life filled with comfort pleasure and stability and then second meaning a life driven by purpose and long-term contribution it sounds great right except for one problem dr awishi pointed out something fascinating in countries that rank highest in happiness think of places like finland and denmark people report high life satisfaction

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But when you dig deeper, many also describe their lives as predictable, maybe even a little boring. That's when he introduced a missing piece, psychological richness. A psychologically rich life isn't just happy or meaningful, Dr. Oishi told me. It's filled with varied, novel, and perspective-shifting experiences. It's about exploration, challenge, and embracing the unexpected.

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And that's when it hit me. This is exactly what great leaders create. The best workplaces aren't just efficient. They aren't just mission-driven. They create depth. They create growth. They create an environment where people aren't just performing.

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they're evolving this is why mattering is the single most overlooked metric in leadership the one that determines whether people stay whether they thrive and whether they give their best efforts every single day so let's talk about the mattering effect why some leaders inspire loyalty and others don't i've always thought there are two kinds of leaders let's talk about the first one

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Leader A is someone you know probably very well. They're results-driven, efficient, and disciplined. They run a tight ship. They set clear goals. They hold people accountable. And on paper, they look like they're crushing it. But then there's Leader B. Leader B does all of what Leader A does. And then something more. Leader B makes people feel like they matter.

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They pause to recognize contributions, not just big wins, but the effort behind them. They listen, not just to presentations, but to the people behind them. They give ownership. empowering their team instead of hoarding decisions. They invest in people's growth, not just in outcomes. And at first glance, the difference between leader A and leader B seems small.

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But over time, under leader A, people do their jobs, but they rarely go above and beyond. Turnover is steady. Engagement is lukewarm. They perform, but more importantly, they don't care. Under Leader B, people take initiative. They contribute beyond their job descriptions. They stay longer, and they do it not because they have to, but because they want to. And that's the difference.

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Leader A's team is productive, while Leader B's team is invested. So it begs the question, what kind of leader are you? Leader B is the type of person that I described in my book, Passion Struck. I describe this as a gardener leader, someone who nurtures their team and invests in them. If you want to lead a team that thrives, that innovates,

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that sticks around for the long haul you have to stop focusing on results first you have to start focusing on mattering first and i don't mean vague recognition or another useless corporate engagement survey i mean real tangible day-to-day leadership behaviors that make people feel seen valued and essential And this begs probably the most fundamentally important question of today's conversation.

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Would you want to work for you? Let's be honest, because if the answer is no, you already know the problem. So let's talk about the leadership that changes everything. Theory is great. And look, it's one thing to talk about great leadership. But let me tell you about someone who lived it. Someone who changed how I lead forever. His name is Jay Skibinski.

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We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey there, PassionStruck fam. Welcome to episode 573.

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When Jay became global CIO of Lendlease, a $7 billion multinational company, he walked into a leadership culture that was broken. The CIO before him, he was all about cost cutting and efficiency. People were treated like cogs in a wheel. It was a numbers game. Just keep things running. Get the budget down. Have less people do more and move on. There was no recognition of contributions.

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There was no ownership. There was no investment. It was just cost cutting. Black and white. Get to a certain number. Do more with less people. and I think we can all relate to that type of environment. And then Jay arrived, and he changed everything. At the time, I was the chief information security officer at Lendlease. And here's something I love about Jay.

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He didn't just see me as the person in charge of security. Instead, he saw my potential. He pulled me aside and asked me to lead the largest IT infrastructure project in the company's entire history. A global transformation, four continents, 20 major security and infrastructure initiatives, all with a small but mighty team. We called it Project High Rise. And here's what made Jay different.

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He knew when to push you to greatness and when to give you a helping hand. He had this rare ability to balance high expectations with deep trust. He wasn't just about hitting numbers. He was about building people. And guess what happened? In just 12 months, our tiny but fierce team overhauled our IT infrastructure and security across the entire company in five continents.

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We cut down security remediation time. What used to take 150 days was now being detected and managed in real time. We implemented security and identity management across the entire company. We prove that massive transformation doesn't require massive resources, just the right leadership. And here's the kicker. We did it for $1.8 million.

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For most companies, that kind of project would have dragged on for years and cost tens of millions. We did it faster, cheaper, and better. And we did it because Jay led with trust, vision, and relentless focus on what actually matters. His people. That was the leadership lesson that stuck with me. I watched Jay handle some of the toughest business challenges that you could imagine.

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High stakes, pressure from the top, impossible expectations. But Jay never led with fear. He never let urgency turn into panic. He made sure every single person on our team knew that their work mattered. And because we felt that, we gave it everything we had. That's what true leadership looks like. And here's what I know for sure. I'm a better leader because of Jay Skibinski.

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And now my mission is to pay it forward. What about you? Because at the end of the day, people don't quit companies. They quit leaders. So here's my challenge for you. Are you the kind of leader that people fight to stay for? Are you like Jay Skibinski? Or are you the reason they're updating their resume? Because this right here, the way you make people feel, this is the real metric of leadership.

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Whether you've been with me for a while or this is your first time, this is where we challenge conventional thinking and create lives of impact. Earlier this week, we had two incredible conversations that challenged the way we think about fulfillment and excellence.

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When I wrote my book, Passion Struck, I ended up studying over 750 leaders over a seven-year period. And when I start thinking about the leaders who made the biggest impact, the ones who truly ignited something in people, as I looked at those 700 plus leaders, I kept coming back to four core dimensions.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck, here's a question for you. When was the last time you actually shut up and listened? Not the kind of listening where you nod along while secretly thinking about what you're going to say next, but the real, uncomfortable, oh wow, this is vulnerable kind of listening.

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Here's the thing, isolation isn't always about physically being alone. You can be surrounded by people and still feel like no one truly sees or understands you. I think we've all been there at some point, feeling disconnected, even when we're in the middle of a crowd. And here's where my conversation in episode 282 with Julianne Holt-Lunstad comes in.

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If you don't know her work, Julianne has done groundbreaking research on loneliness and social connection. She's found that loneliness isn't just an emotional experience. It's a public health crisis. Chronic loneliness, she told me, is as harmful to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It increases our risk of heart disease, depression, and even premature death.

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But, and this is where it gets hopeful, Julianne emphasized that meaningful social connections can literally reverse these effects. And one of the most powerful ways to build those connections? Deep listening. When someone listens to you, really listens, it's like a dam breaking. The wall of loneliness starts to crumble. And for the first time in a long time, you feel connected.

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I want to share a story that brings this to life. It's about a man named James. He'd been struggling with depression for years and kept it to himself because he didn't want to burden anyone. He thought, who wants to hear about my problems? One day, a friend invited him to a men's group, a space where people can come together to share their struggles. James was hesitant.

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He didn't think anyone would understand, let alone care. But when he got there, something unexpected happened. As the other men shared their stories, James realized he wasn't as alone as he thought. One man talked about losing his job and feeling like he'd failed his family. Another shared how his marriage was falling apart.

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Their stories weren't exactly the same as James, but the emotions behind them, the fear, the shame, the hopelessness, were all too familiar. When it was James' turn to speak, he hesitated, but the group just sat there waiting, holding the space for him. And when he finally started to talk, it was like a floodgate opened.

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He talked about the weight that he'd been carrying, the days he didn't want to get out of bed, and the fear that he'd never feel better. And here's the powerful part. After James spoke, one of the men looked at him and said, thank you. That took so much courage. And another man added, I felt exactly like that before. That moment didn't fix everything for James, but it broke through the isolation.

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On Tuesday, I sat down with Jessica Zweig, the founder of Simply Be and the author of The Light Work. We talked about the transformative power of authenticity and how to tap into your inner light to navigate life's challenges and opportunities.

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For the first time in years, he felt seen, understood, and connected. Julianne's research gives us the science behind this. She explained that when we feel heard and understood, our brain releases oxytocin, which strengthens our sense of connection and lowers stress. It's a biological reminder that we're wired for relationships and that loneliness doesn't have to be permanent.

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Listening is the bridge that pulls us out of our silos. It reminds us that we're not just individuals moving through the world alone. We're part of a shared story, a collective experience. So here's something to think about. Who in your life might be carrying a story they're afraid to share? And how could your willingness to listen be the thing that helps them break through their own isolation.

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Listening doesn't just change conversation, it changes lives. And when we create space for someone to be heard, we're not just helping them, we're helping ourselves too. As we wrap up this journey into the art of listening, I want to share a story that brings everything we've talked about, mattering, belonging, and intentionality into focus.

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it's about a mentor and a mentee the mentee let's call him alex has been struggling with unresolved grief after losing a close friend he's carrying this invisible weight it was starting to impact every area of his life his work his relationships even how he saw himself but he wasn't ready to talk about it and honestly he wasn't sure anyone would truly understand then came a pivotal conversation with his mentor the mentor didn't rush him didn't try to fix anything

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They simply created space for Alex to speak, really speak. And when Alex finally started to share, the mentor listened with intention. They didn't interrupt or offer platitudes. Instead, they reflected back what Alex was saying, not just with their words, but with their presence. Through that conversation, Alex began to process his grief in a way he hadn't been able to before.

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He realized that his feelings of guilt and sadness weren't just his burden to carry. They were part of the shared human experience of loss.

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and in that realization he found a sense of belonging he hadn't felt in a long time here's the beautiful part the mentor later shared that the conversation changed them too by being fully present for alex's story they were reminded of their own losses and how they had navigated through them that moment of shared vulnerability created a bridge between them a connection built on mutual courage and understanding this story highlights what we've explored throughout this entire episode

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Then on Thursday, I had such a fascinating conversation with George Appling about aligning your actions with your values and finding clarity in your personal mission. It was an eye-opening discussion about discovering what truly drives you and using that knowledge to create a life of purpose. If you missed those episodes, I highly recommend going back and checking them out.

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Mattering. By listening deeply, the mentor validated Alex's experiences, showing him that his story and his emotions were worth sharing. Belonging. Through their shared connection, Alex realized he wasn't alone in his grief, and the mentor found renewed insight into their own humanity. Intentionality.

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The mentor's deliberate presence allowed the conversation to unfold naturally and meaningfully, creating a transformative experience for both of them. So here's what I'd love for you to reflect on. What's one story you've been holding on to, something unresolved or unspoken, and who in your life might be waiting for you to truly listen to theirs? Listening isn't just a skill, it's a gift.

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It reminds us that we matter, that we belong, and that we're capable of creating profound connections through presence and empathy. Here's my challenge to you. Take a moment to think about the relationships in your life. Who needs you to listen more deeply? What's one intentional action you can take today to practice the art of listening?

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Whether it's a heartfelt conversation, asking a thoughtful question, or just holding space for someone's story, do it. Write it down, then take that step today, not tomorrow, not next week. And when you do, let me know. Tag me on social media at John R. Miles or share your story with the PassionStruck community. Your journey could inspire someone else to start their own.

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To help you put the listening into action, I've created a free resource called the Deep Listening Blueprint. It's packed with tips and techniques to help you build stronger connections, deepen your relationships, and create moments of true presence. You can sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter, and when you do... I will send you a copy of this for you to download.

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If today's episode resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review. It's one of the best ways to help others discover the show and join our mission to live more intentionally. And if you know someone who needs to hear today's message, share this episode with them. Together, we can spread the gift of connection and purpose.

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I'm also passionate about bringing these lessons beyond the podcast. If you're looking to inspire your team or community through keynote speeches, workshops, or events, I'd love to partner with you. Visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn more. You can find links to everything we discussed in today's episode in the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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Don't forget to watch the video version on YouTube. And while you're there, subscribe so you never miss a moment of inspiration. And be sure to check out our sponsors and exclusive deals at passionstruck.com slash deals. Supporting those who support the show makes all the difference. Before we wrap up, I am thrilled to share a sneak peek of our next episode.

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I'll be joined by Madison Marsh, Miss America, for an incredible conversation on leadership resilience and using your platform for positive change. You don't want to miss it.

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They're filled with insights and actionable takeaways that can complement what we're talking about today. For those of you who are just diving in, don't miss our episode starter packs. With over 540 episodes, we've curated playlists on essential themes like leadership, mental health and personal growth to help you jump right into the content that resonates most with you.

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Thank you for spending your time with me today. Your commitment to living a life of purpose and connection inspires me every day. I hope this episode has added value to your journey. Encourage you to listen more deeply. Remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value here, share it with someone else who might benefit. Let's keep living what we learn.

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Until next time, live life passion struck.

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In today's episode, we're breaking down why listening is harder than it looks and why it's almost the most underrated superpower for building connection, killing loneliness, and maybe even figuring out your own messy life in the process. If you're tired of small talk and ready to get real, stick around. Welcome to Passion Struck.

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You can find them at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or on Spotify. If you want to take what we discuss even deeper, I invite you to sign up for my live intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com. Each week I share insights, challenges and strategies to keep you inspired and intentional in your journey.

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And for those of you who enjoy a visual experience, make sure you subscribe to our YouTube channel for episodes, insights and highlights that will keep your growth journey dynamic and engaging. Now, let's dive in to today's episode. When was the last time you truly practiced the art of listening?

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And I mean, really listening, not the kind where you nod along while thinking about what you'll say next, but the kind of listening that makes someone feel seen, understood and valued. Listening, real listening is more than hearing words. It's a skill, an act of courage, and a way to connect that has the power to transform relationships.

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At its heart, listening is about creating space for someone else's story, whether it's their joy, their struggles, or their dreams. If you think about it, all of us have felt unseen or unheard at some point. Maybe you've spoken up and felt like no one really cared. Or maybe you've held something inside, convinced no one would listen, even if you did share.

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Those moments can leave us feeling isolated, like we're on an island by ourselves. But when someone truly listens, everything changes. Their attention becomes a bridge, one that connects us, reminds us that we matter, and fosters belonging. And when we listen really deeply, it's not just the storyteller who grows, it's also us, the listeners.

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Storytelling, and by extension, listening, is one of the most powerful tools we have as humans. It's how we make sense of the world, how we process our fears and dreams, and how we connect across divides. Today, we are diving into how listening fosters mattering, belonging, and intentionality. Three concepts that can transform not just the way we engage with others, but the way we live our lives.

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We'll explore the science, share some deeply moving stories, and leave you with practical insights on how to become a better listener. As you listen, I want you to reflect on this. What would happen if you fully embraced the art of listening? How could it deepen your relationships, dissolve feelings of isolation, and even heal the parts of yourself you've been holding back?

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The answer, I think, lies in the courage to hear and be heard. And that's exactly what we'll explore today. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. So here's something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

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Earlier this week, I was chatting with Dr. Alison Wood Brooks, the Harvard Business School expert on the art and science of conversation. This is for an interview that will come out on January 21st. And she said something that really stuck with me. Every conversation is a chance to help someone feel seen or unseen. Think about that. Seen or unseen.

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It's such a simple idea, but it's loaded with power. Now let me ask you something. When was the last time you walked away from a conversation and thought, wow, That person really saw me for who I am. It's rare, right? Most of the time, we're stuck in this pattern of surface-level exchanges. Small talk, polite nods, maybe the occasional, how are you?

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Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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That doesn't go much deeper than, I'm fine, thanks. But when someone really listens to you, when they lean in, make eye contact, and just get what you're saying, it's like oxygen. It reminds you that your voice, your story, your experience matters. I'll give you a quick story that brings this to life.

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A few months ago, I was at this event, kind of one of those gatherings where everyone's supposed to network, but no one really wants to. Anyway, I ended up sitting next to this older man, probably in his 70s. At first, he seemed a little reserved, but then he started talking about his childhood, how he grew up in this tiny, close-knit town that eventually disappeared because of a damn project.

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You could tell that he hadn't told this story in years, and all I did was listen. I didn't interrupt or ask him to get to the point. I just let him unravel it, piece by piece. By the end of it, he looked at me and said, Thank you for letting me share that. I didn't even realize how much I needed to talk about it.

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What struck me wasn't just that he felt lighter after sharing his story, but how it changed everything. me. Listening to him reminded me of how we carry these pieces of ourselves that we think no one wants to hear, but when we share them and someone listens, we reclaim our sense of worth. Here's where the science ties in. Studies show that when someone listens to us, our brain releases oxytocin,

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the hormone that makes us feel connected and safe. It's literally like our brain's way of saying, hey, you matter. So here's my challenge to you this week. The next time you're talking with someone, whether it's your best friend, your barista, or even your boss, just pause for a moment and really listen.

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Not the kind of listening where you're waiting for your turn to talk, but the kind where you're fully present. Because when you do, you're giving that person one of the greatest gifts imaginable. The sense that they're seen, that they matter. And honestly, you'll probably walk away feeling like you matter a little more too.

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All right, we're just getting started on this journey into the art of listening. Coming up, we're diving into belonging, how listening creates those powerful connections that remind us we're all in this together. So in that last section, I talked about how listening makes someone feel seen, but it goes even deeper than that.

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Listening doesn't just validate someone's story, it connects us, it creates belonging. But what does it really mean to belong? I've been really thinking about this, and it brought me back to something from Louise Hay's mirror work. If you're not familiar, mirror work is the practice where you stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye, and speak affirmations or truths.

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It's about seeing yourself, really seeing yourself, with all your fears, flaws, and strengths. But mirror work isn't just something we do alone. It happens in our relationships, too. Every time we deeply listen to someone's story, we're holding up a mirror to their humanity and to our own. That idea really hit home for me during a recent conversation that I had with Harry Buddha Magar.

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If you don't know his story, Harry is a former Gurkha soldier who lost both his legs in Afghanistan. That's only part of it. He went on to become the first double above-knee amputee to summit Mount Everest. It's an incredible achievement, but what's even more powerful is what he's learned along the way. Harry showed me how after his injury, he felt completely untethered.

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He'd lost not only just his legs, but also his sense of identity. He described it as looking into a cracked mirror, his reflection shattered, his sense of belonging nowhere to be found. But then something shifted. Harry started sharing his story with others, and people listened. And not just superficially, they really listened. They heard his fears, his doubts, and his dreams.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey, PassionStruck family. Welcome back to Momentum Friday and episode 546.

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And in those moments, Harry said he started to see himself differently. It wasn't just that others saw his strength, it was that their reflections of him helped him see his own strengths too. Here's where it ties back to mirror work. When we listen deeply to someone, We're like that mirror. We reflect back not just what they're saying, but who they are.

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And in doing so, we also start to see parts of ourselves, our resilience, our shared fears, our capacity for hope. The science backs this up. When we hear someone else's story and empathize, our mirror neurons, the part of our brain that helps us feel what others feel, light up. It's literally a biological reminder that we're connected. So what does this have to do with belonging, you might ask?

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When we step into someone's story, when we truly listen, we see their struggles and dreams are echoes of our own. Harry's journey of rebuilding after loss might not be the same as ours, but the themes are universal. And in those themes, we find connection. Here's something to reflect on. When was the last time you truly listened to someone's story and saw yourself in it?

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What did it teach you about them and about yourself? Listening isn't just about being polite. It's about creating a space where both you and the other person can belong. And that's a gift worth giving every single day. Next, we're diving into intentionality. How to make listening a deliberate act that can transform not just conversations, but entire relationships.

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So I've now talked about how listening makes someone feel seen and how it creates belonging by reflecting shared humanity. But let's go one step further. Let's talk about intentionality. Because listening isn't just a passive act. It's a choice. It's purposeful presence. And when we bring intention to listening, it transforms both the storyteller and the listener.

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I want to share a story about Bo Eason, a recent guest in episode 529. Bo is a former NFL player turned playwright and speaker. Bo tells this incredible story about how he was preparing for his one-man show. It's an intensely personal performance based on his life and struggles. And during rehearsals, he brought in a trusted mentor to help him refine it. Here's the thing about this mentor.

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They didn't just watch and critique. They stepped into the story with Bo. At one point, they role-played a pivotal moment from Bo's childhood, something he hadn't fully processed yet. They didn't just listen to him recount it. They acted it out with him, asking questions like, what did that feel like? What were you afraid of? What were you hoping for?

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Through that intentional engagement, Bo uncovered layers of truth in his story that he hadn't realized were there. And because of that, his performance became more authentic, more human. But it wasn't just Beau who grew from that experience. His mentor later admitted that by stepping into Beau's story so deeply, they learned something about their own childhood struggles too.

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That's the power of listening with intention. When we engage purposefully, we don't just hear the words, we allow the story to transform us.

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science has something to say about this too jamil zaki a psychologist who i had on the show and who studies empathy talks about how empathy isn't just a trait it's a skill and like any skill it grows with practice when we listen intentionally when we engage with curiosity and courage we're exercising our empathy muscles.

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And that growth doesn't just help the person we're listening to, it helps us become more compassionate, more self-aware, and ultimately more human. So how can we bring this level of intentionality into our lives? It starts with asking better questions. Instead of sticking to how are you or what's new, try asking, What's been on your mind lately? Or what's a challenge you've been facing?

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Then go a step further. Be present. Imagine yourself in their shoes. Role play it if it feels right. Intentional listening takes effort and courage, but the rewards are extraordinary. It's how we move beyond small talk and into real connection. It's how we show someone that their story has meaning, not just to them, but for us too. Here's something to think about as I wrap up this section.

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I'm your host, John Miles, and I'm so excited to spend this time with you today. This space is all about exploring how we can live lives of intention, purpose, and meaning. And let me tell you, this episode is one you don't want to miss. If you're new here, welcome. I am so thrilled you've joined us.

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What would it look like if you brought this kind of intention to your next conversation?

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what might you learn not just about the other person but about yourself next i'll dive into the reward of deep listening what it means to witness someone's courage and how it can bring healing to us both so we've talked about intentional listening how stepping into someone's story with purpose can transform both the storyteller and the listener but there's a reward for this kind of deep listening and it's more powerful than you might think we're not just hearing someone's words when we truly listen to someone's story

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We're witnessing their courage, and there's something incredibly humbling about that. To sit with someone as they share a piece of their life, especially the vulnerable, messy parts, takes us out of our own heads and reminds us of something universal. We're all carrying something, and we're all braver than we realize. Let me share a story that illustrates this.

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There's this incredible program called The Dinner Party. It's a support group for people who've experienced significant loss, and the premise is simple. They come together to share a meal and their stories. One participant, I'll call her Sarah, lost her husband unexpectedly. She joined a dinner party gathering because she felt like no one in her life truly understood her grief.

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During the meal, she listened as others shared their stories, stories of losing parents, siblings, partners, Some were raw and recent. Others were wounds that had been scarred over but still ached. When it was Sarah's turn to speak, she hesitated. She admitted that part of her felt like her grief wasn't as valid as the others. But as she spoke, she realized something profound.

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Her pain, her experience, wasn't isolated. It was part of a thread running through the entire room. And that's the reward of deep listening. As Sarah listened to the courage of others, to their honesty about their fears and their determination to keep going, it gave her strength, and when she spoke, when others listened to her, she felt less alone. Here's what's fascinating.

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Science shows us that storytelling, especially in groups, can lower stress and increase feelings of connection. Researchers like the late Emile Bruneau have found that sharing and listening to personal stories reduces polarization and creates empathy even across divides. But beyond the science, there's something deeply human about hearing someone say, here's my truth in thinking.

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That sounds a lot like mine. Deep listening gives us two gifts. First, it reminds us that courage isn't about having no fear. It's about moving forward despite it. Hearing someone else's bravery lights a fire in us to face our own challenges. Second, it reminds us that we're not alone.

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Listening to someone else's story, even if it's completely different from ours, shows us the common threads we all share. Love, loss, hope, survival. And in that realization, we find healing. Here's my question for you. When was the last time you witnessed someone's courage through their story? How did it inspire you?

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You've just stepped into a community dedicated to helping you take bold, actionable steps toward the life you've always envisioned. Whether you're a longtime listener or a first timer, this is a place where we turn passion into action. Before we dive in to today's topic, let me tell you about this week's incredible episodes.

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And if you haven't done this recently, who in your life might be waiting for someone to really listen deep listening is more than an act of empathy it's a bridge a way to connect to heal and to grow next we'll talk about how this bridge works in a broader sense how listening can break through isolation and remind us that we're all part of something bigger

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So, we've now talked about how listening honors courage and fosters connection, but let's take it one step further. Listening doesn't just help us connect, it can pull us out of the isolation that so many of us feel in our lives. In a way, listening is like water. It's life-giving, and it has the power to break the fever of loneliness.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck.

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I'm sure you're familiar with the belonging barometer that the American immigration counsel put out. But when you talk about not feeling like you belong, I think the figure was 17% of people feel like they don't belong or don't feel like they matter at any point in their life, which is Which is a huge number when you think about it and the numbers are close to 70%.

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So it's truly an honor and a full circle moment for me to welcome someone I've long admired, someone who literally wrote the book on the subject, Dr. Gordon Flett. Dr. Flett is the author of The Psychology of Mattering, as well as the new book, Mattering as a Core Need in Children and Adolescents.

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You feel they don't belong in their work environments, the same thing with their communities. This is a huge thing.

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It is shocking. And I want to get more into that. I wanted to ask you one more thing around science. So when I talked to my friend Ethan Cross about mattering, and I was asking him where he suggested I should look, he turned me towards Edward Deasy and Richard Ryan's work on self-determination theory. And I have seen the linkages between the need for intrinsic motivation and mattering

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But when you look at it, where would you say it crosses and where do you think mattering goes well beyond self-determination theory?

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He recently retired as a distinguished professor of psychology at York University, where he spent decades pioneering research into how the feeling of mattering, of being seen, valued, and significant shapes everything from our mental health and relationships to our sense of identity and purpose.

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And what do you think is that link that gets people to understand the concept? Because when I try to explain it, I remember I was having this discussion with a person in the PR field and I was talking to them about the need to matter and they go, well, everyone has a different sense of matter. And I said, well, that is exactly true.

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We all have our own view, but I think there are commonalities that we all share as well. And we tend to focus on the differences instead of the commonalities. But how would you answer that?

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In our conversation, we explore what mattering truly means and why it's different from self-esteem, belonging, or mere connection. the profound emotional and psychological toll when we experience anti-mattering and how loneliness, depression, and anxiety often stem from feeling overlooked or underappreciated.

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No, absolutely. And the way I look at it is I've developed this framework where I think it starts with how you matter to yourself. Then how do you matter to others? How do you make other people feel they matter? And then how do you then extend mattering beyond yourself to the community around you? And I think when you talk about the second one,

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How other people make you feel you matter and then how you make other people feel they matter. There's something that comes in with reciprocity. Is that something that you've looked at?

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We go into practical, actionable ways we can enhance our own sense of mattering even during life's most difficult seasons. We discuss why reciprocal relationships are so vital and how giving mattering to others can transform our own lives. And lastly, we go deep into understanding mattering at the societal level and how it could reshape education, workplaces, and communities for the better.

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So as I was discussing this concept with my wife, we were talking about events like Easter, which is coming up or Christmas, Hanukkah. Where to me, I always feel the most emotionally involved in the holidays when I'm giving a gift to someone else, much more than when I'm receiving a gift from someone.

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It wouldn't be the same if I didn't intentionally go out and select that gift for them, wondering how they're going to react to it, wanting to see their anticipation, etc. Yeah. So when you think about that, what are the psychological benefits that come specifically from giving mattering to others, not just receiving it?

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This episode is deeply meaningful for me, and I truly believe that it will change the way you think about your relationships, your worth, and your impact in the world. It's not just about feeling good, it's about becoming whole. Before we dive in, let's take a look back at the two incredible episodes that led up to today.

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For sure. So we've talked a little bit about anti-mattering and you gave the definition of mattering. So how would a listener know if they might be experiencing anti-mattering? Are there certain psychological or emotional signs that someone might be feeling?

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On Tuesday, I sat down with Humble the Poet to explore one of the most misunderstood emotional experiences of our time, anxiety. It's an unfiltered conversation about identity, self-worth, and how to find calm in a chaotic world.

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And just yesterday, Dr. Emily Falk, a trailblazing neuroscientist from the University of Pennsylvania, revealed the science behind how ideas spread, what makes messages persuasive, and how understanding brain synchrony can transform how we connect, influence, and communicate. If you want to become a more intentional messenger of change, make sure to check it out. And here's something else.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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so that you feel like you matter now but you anticipate maybe you won't matter down the road welcome to passion struck hi i'm your host john r miles and on the show we decipher the secrets tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you

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Next week, I'm making a Big announcement, one that's been in the works for a long time. I can't say too much just yet, but trust me, you'll want to tune in for the big reveal. For those eager to dive deeper into our most popular topics, check out our episode starter packs at passionstruck.com slash starter packs.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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With over 590 episodes, we've created curated playlists covering themes like mental toughness, emotional mastery, and personal growth. And don't forget to subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter for exclusive insights and behind-the-scenes stories you won't find anywhere else.

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Now, let's get into this transformative conversation about why mattering is a core human need and how understanding it can unlock deeper meaning, greater being, and more powerful human connection with the one and only Dr. Gordon Flett. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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No, I think that's one of the things that many leaders fail to do is to treat people regardless of where they are in the organization at an equal level, because some of the most mind blowing discoveries I made was by talking to all the employees because

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Sometimes they have the best ideas possible to fix things, but they're never given the chance to have a voice into strategy and ways to overhaul things. So you're doing yourself a huge disservice by not including people in the discussion.

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So I now want to switch the topic to kids. So as I have been writing my own book on this and trying to figure out what is going on and who is suffering the most when mattering is lost, what I keep finding is this is what has already happened to Generation Z and it's what is already occurring to Gen Alpha right now as we speak. And there seems to be a couple different dimensions of it.

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You talked about the school that your kids or grandkids were in earlier as a great example of a school where mattering is present. But I feel in the vast majority of schools, mattering is completely absent or severely lacking.

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And then on top of that, as the work of Jennifer Wallace showed, you then have this erosion of the family system as well, where the person who shows a child that they matter the most is the parent. And if the parent themselves don't feel like they matter,

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Hey, PassionStruck family. I have an extraordinary guest today, someone who I've wanted to have on this podcast for about 18 months, and we finally made it happen. I'm so honored and privileged to welcome Dr. Gordon Flett to PassionStruck. Welcome, Gordon.

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it starts having this ripple effect so they're not feeling it at school they're not feeling it at home they're probably not feeling it from their friends and so you've got this recipe where this is something that's now being taught from their earliest ages am i thinking about this in the right way yes for sure well you think about everything in the right way as far as i'm concerned because that sense of looking at all those domains is critical and

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Well, just before we came on the air, you told me that you recently retired from your teaching position, but you were just bestowed an honor. And I thought it was important to maybe start there. Can you tell us what that honor was?

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A follow on question to that is I think whether it's kids or adults, many people struggle to see how their actions actually affect others. Do you have any insights from your research on why recognizing our impact on others is so crucial to feeling like you matter?

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Thank you for sharing that, Gordon. And there are a couple of last areas I wanted to go into with you. One of them is the fact that mattering is malleable. that we can actively increase our sense of significance. And I was hoping you might give some practical strategies or maybe habits any of the listeners could do to enhance their own sense of matter.

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It's such a well-deserved recognition and congratulations to you and wanted to just start today's discussion

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And another one I wanted to make sure I got in here is if our society as a whole, given all the issues of dehumanization, conflict, everything else that we have going on, Prioritize mattering more explicitly. What changes do you envision we would see in our communities, workplaces, and our overall mental health?

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with just a little bit of history i have really been trying to understand why are there so many people and when i say so many i'm talking in the neighborhood of billions who are facing so many issues in their life from feeling helpless and hopeless to lonely to rising mental health to anxiety and i kept trying to search for was there some linchpin that was tying this all together.

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Oh, my God.

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Yeah, we had something similar to that happen to us about six months ago. We got impacted by Hurricane Helene and had about three feet of water in our house. And we had a dozen or more friends who ended up showing up for us, some pulling up carpet and helping us get the water out of the house and others bringing food and others packing up things for us. And

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I'll tell you, it's when people show up like they did that you feel that sense of mattering in the most profound way.

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Gordon, you've been studying mattering now for decades. What has surprised you most or challenged your assumptions about how people build mattering in their lives?

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Yeah. And unfortunately they'll reach that point and realize lie they've been told is going to hit them in the face.

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And I remember I was talking to Tom Curran in an episode and we were talking about perfectionism and I was telling him I had spoken to Angela Duckworth and Ethan Cross and all these people with these famous researchers. And I said, I can't find anyone who was studying mattering. And he goes, have you ever heard of Dr. Gordon Flatt? And I said, I have not.

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Yeah, and I just had a really good conversation with Lori Santos about this. She was put into this position, like the one you were describing, where she got picked to live on campus in this big house. And she was in the middle of all the students, became the den mom at the time. And realized just how many of them were suffering from perfectionism, from overachievement, from feeling less than.

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And that's why she created the whole course that became Yale's most attended course in history. Off the back of mattering, really, or seeing the phenomenon of anti-mattering.

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Absolutely. Gordon, can you just for the listeners, you had a previous book, The Psychology of Matter. And can you talk about that and just for to tell them more about it and then maybe just introduce this new book that's coming out?

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And so I immediately started Googling you and reading everything I could get my hands on that you had produced. And you are at the epicenter of this nascent world of studying mattering, which I think is one of the most important concepts that we need today. So I was hoping with that as a backdrop, Gordon, that we could start at the beginning.

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Gordon, thank you so much for sharing that. And thank you so much for joining us today. It was such an honor to have you.

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And that's a wrap. What an incredible conversation with Dr. Gordon Flett. His groundbreaking insights into the psychology of mattering have illuminated a profound truth. Feeling significant isn't merely a nice to have. It's essential for our well-being, resilience, and overall happiness. His research reminds us that mattering goes far deeper than simply belonging or being connected.

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It's about feeling valued, knowing we're needed, and believing that our lives genuinely make a difference. From uncovering the hidden cost of unmattering, like anxiety, depression, and loneliness, to providing actionable strategies we can use every day, Dr. Flett has shown us a clear path toward living lives of greater purpose and intention.

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As we close today's episode, I invite you to reflect on a few key takeaways. How can you actively communicate to others in your life that they truly matter? What practical steps can you take to enhance your own sense of significance, especially in areas where you often feel overlooked or undervalued?

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And how might embracing the reciprocal nature of mattering deepen your relationships and foster genuine connection? If today's discussion resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review. It's one of the best ways to support PassionStruck and helps these transformative insights reach even more people.

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Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

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And if someone in your life could benefit from Dr. Flett's powerful research and perspective, please share this episode with them because one conversation can ignite lasting change. For all the resources and links discussed today, including more of Dr. Flett's research on mattering, visit the show notes at passionstruck.com.

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And if you want to dive deeper, don't miss the video version of this conversation on our YouTube channel titled John R. Miles. And finally, if you'd like to bring these life-changing insights directly to your team, organization, or event, visit johnrmiles.com. to learn how we can work together to spark intentional transformation and inspire meaningful growth.

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Coming up next, I'm joined by Isabel and Laura Hoff. We go into their groundbreaking new book, Secrets of the Ice Woman, and we discuss the power of cold and breath work to balance hormones, bolster health, and unlock inner potential.

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And remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value today, share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. Most importantly, take what you've learned and put it into action. Because knowledge alone doesn't create change. Action does. Until next time, live life passion-struck.

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As I've done research, you first discovered the concept of mattering as a graduate student in the late 80s. Can you describe that moment? of when you discovered it and why it resonated so deeply?

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Now, let's go out there and become Passion Struck. Welcome to episode 597 of Passion Struck. Whether you're a long-time listener or joining us for the first time, I am so grateful you're here. You've tuned into a movement dedicated to unlocking your potential, living with intention, and making what truly matters matter most. And today, I have to tell you...

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So I'm thinking about the best place to go. And I want to come back to your grandmother's story here in a second. But I think before we do, it might be best for you to ground the listeners or viewers on when you define mattering, what words do you use?

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Well, I think it's important because when I was doing my research, a lot of people pointed me towards the work of Jeff Cohen on belonging, or I was pointed to study work on self-esteem or study work on happiness. How does mattering differ from belonging or self-esteem or happiness?

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I am absolutely thrilled for this episode. If you've been following me for a while, you know that I've been studying the science of mattering for years. It's one of the most profound and personal topics I've explored on this show, and it's at the very heart of how we build resilient lives, relationships, and communities.

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Why Hope Matters: Believe You Matter and Create Big Ripples of Change | EP 558

Coming up next on PassionStruck, what if hope isn't just a feeling, but a force? A force that rebuilds communities, drives revolutions, and transforms ordinary people into extraordinary catalysts for change. In episode 558, we uncover the surprising truth about hope, how it thrives, how it spreads, and how it can reshape the world. Hope isn't just about believing in a better tomorrow.

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In many situations, people didn't fight or flee. They gathered. They turned to others for support. connection, and cooperation. Taylor called this the tend and befriend response. It's a behavior deeply rooted in our biology, driven by the release of oxytocin, a hormone that encourages bonding and trust. In moments of crisis, we don't just survive by clinging to individual hope.

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We thrive by sharing it with others. This is why, after disasters, we often see spontaneous acts of generosity, neighbors helping neighbors, strangers forming rescue chains. It's not just altruism. It's biology. Sharing hope strengthens our own. Now, consider how this plays out on a larger scale.

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When Gandhi launched his campaign for India's independence, he didn't just give people hope for a free India. He made them part of the process. His nonviolent movement wasn't about waiting for change. It was about collective action. Every march. Every boycott, every simple refusal to cooperate with the British government became a shared declaration of hope.

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Max's expertise is a game changer for anyone looking to take charge of their well-being and thrive both mentally and physically. Then on Thursday, Esther Dyson brought us an eye-opening discussion about how investing in community health and well-being is the key to creating sustaining, thriving societies.

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Gandhi wasn't just a symbol of independence. He was a conduit for people to believe in their own power. This same principle explains why hope flourishes in movements from the civil rights struggles of the 1960s to climate action today.

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individual hope might inspire action but collective hope creates momentum it's the belief that you're not alone that your efforts matter because they're part of something larger here's the paradox the very moments that seem designed to isolate us disasters oppression crises are often the ones that draw us together more powerfully when hope is shared it doesn't just help us endure it transforms us it turns survival into significance

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There's a hidden ingredient in shared hope that often goes unnoticed. The sense that we matter. Hope isn't just about believing in a better future. It's about believing that we have a role in creating it. Without this connection, hope can falter. But when people feel seen, when their actions are recognized as significant, hope doesn't just persist. It flourishes. Consider this.

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During the Montgomery Bus Boycott, the success of the movement didn't rest solely on its leaders or its strategy. It rested on ordinary people. Domestic workers, students, ministers, who were reminded, often for the first time, that their presence mattered.

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Every individual who walked miles to avoid the buses, every volunteer who organized carpools, became a critical part of the movement's success. They weren't just participants. they were indispensable. Their hope was fueled by the knowledge that their actions, however small, had meaning. Psychologists have a term for this, mattering.

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It's the feeling that we're important to others, that what we do is noticed and valued. And it turns out mattering is deeply connected to hope. Research shows that when people feel insignificant, When they believe their contributions don't matter, they're more likely to experience hopelessness. But when they feel seen and valued, hope becomes possible again.

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This isn't just about social movements or historic moments. Think about the small, everyday ways we experience this connection. A teacher tells a struggling student, I believe in you. A coach reminds a player that their effort on the field inspires the entire team. These moments might seem fleeting, but their impact is profound. Being seen doesn't just validate our existence.

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It gives us permission to hope. One of the clearest examples of this connection between hope and mattering comes from Martin Luther King Jr. 's leadership during the Civil Rights Movement. King didn't just deliver speeches about a dream. He gave people a sense of agency within that dream. He made them believe that their voices, their presence, their courage could create change.

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For the marchers on Selma's Edmund Pettus Bridge, hope wasn't abstract. It was tied to the belief that they mattered. Their actions weren't just symbolic. They were essential. And this brings me to one of the most important lessons from today's episode. Hope alone sustains us for a time, but its true power lies in its ability to multiply when shared.

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Now, consider how this plays out in smaller, less visible ways. After Hurricane Helene, the acts of friends and neighbors weren't just about clearing debris or sharing supplies. Each knock on the door, each phone call asking how can I help, was a reminder you are not alone.

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Her perspective on reframing our priorities and focusing on the long game of health is a must listen for anyone passionate about making a lasting impact. For those of you new to the show, welcome to the Passion Struck family. With over 550 episodes, I know it can feel overwhelming to decide where to start, but don't worry, we've made it super easy.

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In those moments, hope wasn't just shared, it was reinforced by the knowledge that individual lives and efforts mattered to the collective recovery. This brings me to a critical point. Hope struggles to take root in isolation. When people feel unseen or insignificant, they're less likely to believe in a better future.

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But when they are reminded, through action, acknowledgement, and connection, that they matter, hope finds fertile ground. It becomes not just a belief, but a force for transformation. Here's where it gets even more powerful. When individuals feel they matter, they're more likely to extend that feeling to others. Hope ripples outward, creating a feedback loop.

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A single parent encouraged by a supportive community not only finds strength for their own struggles, but inspires their children to dream bigger. A grassroots organizer motivated by recognition, inspires others to step forward. Shared hope becomes contagious, powered by the simple act of being seen. This is why hope isn't just about envisioning a brighter future. It's about building one together.

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And it starts with acknowledging that every action, every voice, every person has significance. When hope and mattering intersect, they create the foundation for resilience, innovation, and lasting change. If hope flourishes when people feel they matter, the next logical question is this. How do we intentionally cultivate that sense of mattering in others?

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How do we create an environment where hope isn't just a fleeting feeling, but a sustained force for change? Let's start with something deceptively simple. Acknowledgement. In the late 1990s, researchers at the University of Michigan studied what motivates employees to perform better in the workplace.

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They expected to find that higher salaries or more autonomy played the biggest roles, but the data revealed something surprising. The single most powerful motivator was recognition. When managers acknowledge someone's contributions,

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publicly or privately it didn't just improve performance it strengthened the employee's belief that their work mattered this insight extends far beyond the workplace in any context acknowledgement signals to someone that they're seen that their efforts aren't invisible and here's the fascinating part acknowledgement doesn't have to be grand or elaborate to be effective

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It can be as simple as saying, thank you. That wouldn't have been possible without you. These small moments create ripples. They give people the energy to keep going, and crucially, the belief that their actions make a difference. Cognitive neuroscientist Emile Bruneau saw this play out in some of the world's most polarized conflicts.

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His groundbreaking work explored what happens when people who are deeply divided, politically, culturally, or ideologically, feel acknowledged. In one of his most profound studies, Bruneau worked with Israelis and Palestinians, asking them to participate in what he called perspective-giving sessions.

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One group was asked to share their experiences, while the others simply listened without interruption. The results were remarkable.

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when participants felt truly heard even by someone from the opposing side their hostility softened acknowledgment didn't resolve decades of tension overnight but it created an opening a sense that their experiences and identities mattered and from that sense of mattering hope began to emerge

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Head over to passionstruck.com slash starter packs or browse our curated Spotify playlist to explore topics like mindset, resilience, emotional health, spiritual growth, and personal development. These resources are designed to help you jumpstart your intentional journey with PassionStruck. And while you're there, be sure to sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com.

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The hope that dialogue was possible, that solutions could be built, that the future might look different from the past. Bruneau's work teaches us something essential. Acknowledgement isn't passive. It's an active, deliberate practice. It requires presence, effort, and vulnerability. But when we practice it, it has a cascading effect.

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When people feel seen, they're more likely to see others in turn. They extend recognition outward. creating a feedback loop of connection and belonging. This is how acknowledgement transforms from an individual moment into a collective force. Another strategy for cultivating hope and mattering is inclusion.

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In 2016, a grassroots organization in Baltimore launched a community-led initiative to clean up neighborhoods affected by years of neglect. Instead of relying on external contractors, they invited residents to lead the charge. They provided tools and training, But the work and the decision-making belonged to the people who lived there. The results were transformative.

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It wasn't just the neighborhoods that changed. The residents themselves began to see their communities differently. By being included in the process, they gained not just cleaner streets, but a renewed belief in their ability to shape their environment. This approach highlights a critical truth. When we involve people in solutions, we're not just addressing problems. We're building hope.

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Inclusion reminds people that their voices and actions are integral to the outcome. It shifts them from being passive recipients to active participants, reinforcing their sense of agency and connection. Leadership, too, plays a vital role in cultivating hope. And here's where the most effective leaders stand apart. They don't just set goals or articulate visions.

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They make people believe they are essential to achieving them. In 2013, a group of researchers analyzed speeches by some of history's most iconic leaders. From Winston Churchill to Barack Obama, they found a common thread. Great leaders, it turns out, don't just talk about what needs to happen. They highlight who will make it happen.

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They weave their audience into the narrative, giving them ownership of the vision. It's not, here's what I will do, but here's what we will do, and here's why your role matters. These strategies, acknowledgement, inclusion, and leadership that highlight individual contributions aren't revolutionary, but that's precisely the point.

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Transforming hope into a sustainable force doesn't require sweeping changes or dramatic gestures. It's built in the small, consistent acts of seeing, hearing, and valuing others. The result? A cycle of hope and mattering that feeds itself. When people feel they matter, they're more likely to take action. And when they act, they give others a reason to hope.

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This feedback loop, simple as it may seem, is the foundation of resilience, innovation, and progress. So, what does this mean for us? It means that cultivating hope isn't about waiting for the right moment or the perfect conditions. It's about starting small, recognizing effort, inviting others in, and reminding people of their significance.

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It's about taking the spark of hope and fanning it into something larger. Hope is often misunderstood as a quiet internal force, but history tells us otherwise. It's an amplifier. When tethered to the belief that we matter, hope doesn't just move us. It moves others. It's why four students at a lunch counter could spark a national movement.

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It's why prisoners could survive the worst of treatments in a concentration camp. And it's why everyday people endure hardships believing for a better future. Hope, when shared, becomes more than an emotion. It becomes a catalyst for change. So where does this leave us? It's easy to dismiss hope as wishful thinking, but what if we sought for what it really is, a call to action?

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Each week, I share strategies and thought-provoking insights to help you thrive in every area of your life. Don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel for episode highlights and engaging content designed to inspire and empower. Now let's dive in to today's episode. It wasn't a box. That's the first thing you need to know about Pandora's famous story.

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Hope tells us that tomorrow can be different, but only if we recognize our own role in shaping it. And when we act on that belief, hope becomes something extraordinary, a reminder that we matter and that the world is better for it. And that's a wrap for today's episode.

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I hope this exploration of hope, mattering, and their profound ripple effects has inspired you to reflect on your own ability to create change in your life and in the lives of others. If today's discussion resonated with you, I'd be so grateful if you could take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review.

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Your support helps others discover the show and join us on this journey of intentional living and transformation. If you know someone who might benefit from today's message, whether they're facing challenges or simply need a reminder of their significance, please share this episode with them. Together, we can amplify these ideas and spark a wave of positive impact.

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As we continue into 2025, I'm excited to bring you more thought-provoking content that inspires action, fosters resilience, and equips you to live a life of intention and meaning. If you'd like to explore these principles with your team or organization, I'd love to work with you through keynote speeches, workshops, or events. Visit johnrmiles.com speaking.

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to learn how we can partner to ignite purpose and growth this year. For links, resources, and takeaways from today's episode, head to the show notes at passionstruck.com. Don't forget to check out the video version of this episode on our YouTube channel. And while you're there, hit the subscribe so you never miss an episode or highlight. Supporting the show is easy.

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Visit passionstruck.com for exclusive offers from our sponsors. It's a great way to support the brands that make this show possible. Before we go, here's a sneak peek at next week's episode. I'll be joined by my friend, Dr. Rick Hansen, a psychologist and best-selling author, for an enlightening conversation on the science of happiness and how to hardwire resilience into your brain.

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You won't want to miss it.

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Thank you, as always, for spending your time with me today. Your commitment to growing, learning, and living intentionally inspires me every single day. I hope this episode has reminded you that hope isn't just a feeling. It's a force. And it starts with the belief that you matter. Because when people believe they matter, they act. And when people act...

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They create hope, not just for themselves, but for everyone around them. Remember, the fee for this show is simple. If you found value here, share it with someone who might benefit. Until next time, keep leaning into curiosity, purpose, and connection. And as always, live life passion-struck.

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In the original Greek myth, Pandora was given a jar, a pethos, not a box. But when Erasmus mistranslated the text centuries later, the jar became a box and the imagery stuck. This detail might seem trivial, but it's not. It tells us something important about how we think. We fixate on the wrong things. The container. The packaging. The story we think we know.

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But the real question, the one we've overlooked, isn't about the jar. It's about what was left behind. When Pandora opened the jar, Zuza's gifts escaped. Suffering, disease, despair, all the evils of the world spilled out, reshaping human existence forever. But one thing didn't escape. One thing stayed behind. Hope. Here's where it gets interesting. Why hope?

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Was it an accident, a cruel joke by the gods, or was it intentional, a safeguard ensuring that humanity had the one thing it would need the most in the face of chaos? Fast forward a few thousand years. February 1960. Four young men step into history. They walk into a Woolworth's lunch counter in Greensboro, North Carolina. They sit at a whites-only counter and refuse to leave.

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The action is small, quiet. They have no guarantees that their protests will succeed, but they believe their presence matters. And that belief, the belief that what they're doing has significance, sparks a fire of change. This isn't myth. This is real life. And yet, it's no less extraordinary. This is the power of hope. It's not just a feeling. It's a force.

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It's about knowing you matter today. Curious? Stay tuned. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you.

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Hope survives where logic says it shouldn't. It transforms ordinary actions into extraordinary movements. But why does hope thrive in some places and vanish in others? And what happens when hope connects with something even deeper, our need to matter? Let's explore the hidden link between hope and mattering, how it fuels revolutions, rebuilds communities, and transforms lives.

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And maybe, just maybe, how it can change yours. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. Hope is one of those forces that's so fundamental to our lives, we rarely stop to question it.

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It's the quiet current running beneath every decision we make, every risk we take, and every challenge we endure. But unlike fear or ambition, hope doesn't demand our attention. It works in the background, nudging us forward. And yet, it's often in the moments when hope should feel most impossible that its true power reveals itself. We've already touched on the Greensboro sit-ins, a quiet act

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that ignited a wave of transformation. But let's look closer. What exactly made those four young men walk into that Woolworths? And why did their actions ripple so far, so quickly? It was February 1st, 1960. Four freshmen from North Carolina A&T, Ezell Blair Jr., Franklin McCain, Joseph McNeil, and David Richmond, walked into Woolworth's and sat at the whites-only lunch counter.

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They weren't loud or confrontational. They didn't shout slogans or hold signs. They just sat and they stayed. And when they were told they couldn't be served, they didn't leave. By refusing to leave, they were making a simple yet profound statement.

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we belong here too now on its surface that might not seem remarkable after all these were just four college freshmen they weren't famous they had no political power and yet what they did that day reverberated far beyond that small lunch counter within days other students joined them within weeks sit and spread across the south and within months walrus and other major chains were forced to change their policies

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What started with four young men in Greensboro became a tipping point for the civil rights movement. A moment when hope turned into action and action turned into transformation. Here's what's extraordinary. Those four young men had no guarantees. They didn't know if their protests would succeed. In fact, they had every reason to believe it wouldn't. And yet, they believed their actions mattered.

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They believed that by sitting at that counter, they could challenge an entire system of segregation. And that belief, quiet, fragile. yet unshakable, was contagious. It gave others permission to act, to believe that they too could make a difference. What happened in Greensboro wasn't just about lunch counters. It was about creating a culture of hope.

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Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

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A culture where people understood that their presence, their choices, their actions had significance. And this is the fascinating thing about hope. It doesn't thrive in isolation. Hope grows when it's tethered to mattering. The belief that what we do, no matter how small, is part of something bigger. So let's pause here. Picture yourself in their shoes.

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Imagine being one of those four young men walking into Woolworths. Would you have had the same hope? Would you have believed your actions mattered enough to risk humiliation or worse? Or would you have thought, what I do won't change anything? These are the kinds of questions hope forces us to confront, not in the abstract, but in the real messy complexity of life.

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Because hope isn't about certainty, it's about possibility. It's about taking intentional action, even when the outcome is uncertain, and trusting that what you do can ripple outward in ways you can't predict. And here's the fascinating thing. That's exactly how hope works. What begins as a flicker in one person doesn't stay contained.

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It ripples outward, sparking action, connection, and ultimately transformation. But for hope to endure, it needs that critical ingredient, the belief that our actions have significance. Without that, hope withers. But with it, hope becomes unstoppable. Most people feel that the things they do don't really matter. I mean, in a world of 8 billion people, it's easy to feel insignificant.

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Most of us do. We tell ourselves that our actions... The choices we make, the things we do, don't really matter. But what if that assumption is wrong? What if the opposite is true? What if the belief that your actions matter isn't just a comforting idea, but a force? A force that shapes the world around us. Let me take you back to 1944, Auschwitz, a place where hope should have been impossible.

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And yet, Viktor Frankl, a Jewish psychiatrist in prison there, noticed something extraordinary. He observed that survival wasn't about physical strength or even luck. It was about something far less tangible, hope. Frankl realized that those who could imagine a future beyond the barbed wire, a reunion with loved ones, the chance to rebuild their lives, had an anchor that kept them going.

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Hope in this context wasn't naive or passive. It was defiant. It allowed people to believe that their suffering had meaning, that they still mattered, even when the world seemed indifferent to their existence. This insight became the foundation of Frankl's life work. Hope isn't just a feeling. It's a way of thinking. It's the belief that our lives hold purpose, even in the darkest of times.

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Hope, he discovered, anchors us to the idea that we matter, not in spite of the challenges we face, but because of them. But here's what's fascinating. Hope doesn't just operate on an individual level. It flourishes in connection. It thrives when it's shared. Take communities. When disaster strikes, it's often not the large institutions or government systems that ignite resilience.

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It's the small, quiet acts of connection that transform despair into recovery. I saw this firsthand in the aftermath of Hurricane Helene and Hurricane Milton. The storms left destruction in their wake. Trees uprooted, power lines down, neighborhoods eerily still. My family had barely begun assessing the damage when the calls started coming in, not from emergency services, but from friends.

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What can we do to help, they asked, and they meant it. One friend arrived with supplies we hadn't even thought to ask for. Another showed up, unprompted, to clear branches from our yard. These weren't just gestures of kindness, they were acts of ownership. Our recovery wasn't just ours anymore. It belonged to them too. These weren't grand acts, but they weren't small either.

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This wasn't just kindness. It was hope in action. Each one reminded us of something profound. We mattered, not just to ourselves, but to others. And that knowledge that someone saw us, that someone cared, sparked something. Seeing others step in inspired us to do the same for our neighbors.

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Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Welcome back, everyone, to Momentum Friday and episode 558 of Passion Struck. Whether you're a longtime listener or brand new to the show, I am so glad you're here. This is the place where we explore intentional living, challenge conventional thinking, and uncover what it truly means to live a life of purpose, passion, and impact.

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Hope rippled through our community, not just as an abstract concept, but as tangible, meaningful acts of connection. The ripple effect of hope is what makes it so powerful. It starts as an internal force. our belief in the possibility of change. But it becomes transformative when shared. That's where hope ties directly to mattering. It's not just about survival or success. It's about significance.

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Hope reminds us that our efforts, no matter how small, have meaning. However, a vital question stands out. If hope is so powerful, why does it feel so fragile? Why does it thrive in some moments and vanish in others? That's the question we need to answer next. Hope, in its essence, is a paradox. It's fragile, yet it endures.

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It asks us to believe in things we can't see and to move forward even when the path isn't clear. So, hope feels fragile even though it's so essential because it doesn't promise certainty. It doesn't guarantee outcomes. What it does is sustain us in the uncertainty, reminding us that our lives are worth the fight and that our contributions matter. But hope isn't passive.

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It's not just a flicker of light in a dark room. Hope is active. It pushes us to act, to create. to fight for something better. And here's the remarkable part. The moment we act on hope, it transforms from a belief into a driving force. To understand this, let's revisit an experiment conducted in the 1950s by Kurt Richter, a psychologist at Johns Hopkins University.

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Richter wanted to study resilience, what kept living beings going in the face of impossible odds. His subjects were rats. placed in jars of water, forced to swim. Initially, the results were grim. Most rats swam for just a few minutes before giving up and sinking. But then, Richter tried something different.

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Just as the rats were about to give up, he pulled them out, dried them off, and gave them a moment to recover. Then, he placed them back in the water. The outcome was startling. These same rats, who had only managed a few minutes before, now swam for hours. Why? Because they had learned something new. Their struggle wasn't futile. They had experienced rescue. They had a reason to keep going.

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This experiment is unsettling, but it reveals something profound about hope. Hope isn't born from certainty or guarantees. It emerges when we believe there's a chance, however slim, that our efforts will make a difference. It's not the guarantee of rescue that drives us. It's the possibility of it. Now, let's think about Viktor Frankl.

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In Auschwitz, Frankl didn't just cling to hope as a comforting idea. He acted on it. He envisioned a future where suffering had purpose. He saw himself teaching others, sharing the lessons of his experience, and contributing something meaningful to the world. That vision fueled his actions. even in the face of unimaginable despair.

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Hope wasn't just a lifeline, it was his engine for survival and transformation. This idea that hope bridges the gap between belief and action plays out in countless ways in everyday life. Think of a single parent working multiple jobs, driven not just by necessity, but by the hope of creating a better life for their children.

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Or consider a community rebuilding after a disaster, clearing debris, delivering supplies. These acts might seem small in isolation, but together they represent something far bigger. The belief that recovery is possible. Here's where it gets even more interesting. Hope isn't just transformative on a personal level. It thrives when it's shared. Consider Gandhi.

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Before we jump into today's episode, let's take a moment to recap the incredible lineup we've had on the show recently. On Tuesday, I was joined by Max Lugavere, who shared groundbreaking insights in how nutrition and lifestyle choices shape our brain health and longevity.

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He didn't just hope for India's independence. He turned that hope into a movement His leadership wasn't transformative because he promised success, but because he convinced millions that their individual actions mattered. Gandhi showed people that their efforts were part of something far greater than themselves. This is the secret of hope. It's not static and it's not solitary.

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It becomes powerful when paired with intentional action. It moves us from, I wish things were different, to, I'm going to make things different. And when hope is shared, it creates ripples. Ripples that foster connection, belonging, and purpose. But here's the question. Why does hope flourish when it's shared?

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What is it about connection that transforms hope from a personal lifeline into a collective force capable of reshaping lives communities, and even history. If hope is a spark, then community is the oxygen that feeds the flame. Alone, hope can sustain us for a time, but its true power lies in its ability to multiply when shared. It's not just an individual experience.

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It's a social phenomenon, and that's where the science gets interesting. In the 1990s, a psychologist named Shelly Taylor at UCLA started researching what happens to people under stress. Traditionally, psychologists had focused on the fight or flight response, the idea that in moments of crisis, humans either confront the challenge head on or flee to safety. But Taylor noticed something curious.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck. What if the most powerful thing you could do in chaos wasn't to hustle harder, but to slow down enough to notice what holds you? In episode 609 of Passion Struck, I'm not giving you hacks. I'm giving you something deeper. Five small habits backed by science. grounded in meaning that can hold you steady when everything around you feels like it's shifting.

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It's drift, that quiet emotional detachment that doesn't scream, but seeps. Here's what I've learned. When you're in that place, you don't need a five-year plan. You don't need to overhaul your career or reinvent your identity. What you need is a why that still makes sense right now. A reason to act that cuts through the ambiguity. And neuroscience backs this up.

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And while all those honors I'm proud of, what they really reflect is you, the community, this movement, people who don't just consume content, but engage with it, who want to live with more clarity, more courage, more intention. That's why this month matters so much.

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When you operate with a sense of intrinsic purpose, meaning you're motivated by values, not just outcomes. you activate deeper neural pathways tied to motivation, emotional regulation, and even pain tolerance.

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Research from psychologists like Victor Stretcher and Emily Esfahani-Smith shows that people who live with a clear sense of purpose report greater life satisfaction, handle stress more effectively. recover from setbacks faster, and even show improved immune function. Purpose doesn't just inspire you, it protects you. But let me be clear, this isn't always about knowing your grand mission.

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In fact, when I lost my job at Catalina Marketing, my sense of identity cracked. I'd been a senior leader overseeing operations, reporting directly to the CEO, and we were trying to save a company that was slowly collapsing. The board wouldn't commit. The funding dried up. The writing was on the wall. And I had this moment, sitting at home after the call, where I thought, who am I now?

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What does any of this mean anymore? I had no plan. I just had questions. And eventually I realized you don't find your purpose fully formed. You follow the flicker. You lean into the values that still feel true, even when everything around you feels false. So here's the invitation. Pick one value that still feels solid. Not one that sounds good. One that feels like you.

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Maybe it's integrity, creativity, service, joy, resilience, curiosity. Whatever it is, make one small decision today that aligns with that value. Send the email. Take the walk. Set the boundary. Make the thing. Even the smallest action when it's tied to purpose becomes an anchor. Because you're no longer moving aimlessly. You're moving with alignment.

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You might not control what's happening around you, but you can decide what still matters within you. And that's how you interrupt the drift. But clarity without space, that's another trap we fall into. So maybe you've found your why. Maybe you've taken that first step back into alignment. You've interrupted the drift just enough to remember what matters.

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But clarity without space, that's another trap we fall into. We use purpose as fuel, and then we burn through ourselves trying to live it out. We fill every moment, push through every signal, convince ourselves that because the work is meaningful, it should never feel heavy. But here's the truth. Even meaningful work can crush you without space.

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Because May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and here at PassionStruck, we're using every episode this month to talk about the things we too often push aside, the internal world behind our outer success. This week alone brought two powerful conversations into that spotlight.

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And that's why this next anchor might be the most important one yet. Anchor number four, create emotional margin. You can have purpose. You can have connection, but if you don't have space, it will still feel like too much because emotional resilience isn't just about being strong. It's about having room to feel, to process, to recover.

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Think about your calendar or your energy or your emotional bandwidth. Most of us live stretched to the edges. We fill the schedule. We say yes. We multitask. We answer one more email. take one more meaning, push through one more feeling, and we don't realize we've hit the limit until something small tips us over. The sigh, the snap, the silence. This is why you need emotional margin.

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Not just physical space, not just time off, but psychological white space. Moments when you're not producing, performing, or problem solving, just being. In neuroscience, this connects to the default mode network, a brain system that activates during rest and introspection. When you create margin, your brain can finally synthesize emotions.

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It connects dots, processes memory, and recalibrates your nervous system. Psychologist Mark Brackett at Yale calls it permission to feel. Because without that margin, your brain just stores everything. It holds under the pressure, the tension, the emotions you didn't have time to metabolize until one day they overflow. So this begs the question, how do you create margin?

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Not with a week-long vacation. but with daily micro pauses that tell your nervous system you don't have to hold everything right now. A walk with no podcast, breathing before you reply, a five-minute no-input zone after work, journaling without a prompt, setting a firm stop time in your day, even if the list isn't done. This isn't laziness.

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This is leadership of your emotional bandwidth because your nervous system wasn't designed to sprint all day. It needs rhythm. And when you honor that rhythm, you don't just become more stable. You become more you. So now you've given yourself space. You've stepped out of the noise long enough to breathe again.

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And maybe for the first time in a while, your nervous system isn't bracing for the next hit. But here's what happens next. Once there's space, the doubt creeps in. You start asking yourself, am I doing enough? Is this even working? What if I'm still behind? That's because we've been conditioned to chase big outcomes, milestones, metrics, validation.

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But in uncertain times, you don't need proof in the form of applause. You need proof that you're still making progress. That's why this last anchor matters so much. Anchor number five. virtualize meaningful micro-wins. We're taught to look for turning points, the job offer, the big win, the clean break, the redemption arc.

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On Tuesday, I sat down with Dr. Andrew Newberg, a neuroscientist whose work explores how practices like meditation, reflection, and even prayer don't just influence our mindset, they physically reshape your brain. It's a powerful reminder that mental health isn't just emotional, it's neurological and that we actually train our minds to become more grounded, more peaceful, more whole.

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But in real life, especially in the middle of uncertainty, progress rarely looks cinematic. It looks like one intentional choice followed by another, And then another, small, quiet, cumulative. And here's why this matters, especially when things feel unstable. When you track your micro-wins, small, value-aligned actions that reinforce identity, you reinforce your brain's reward system.

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Specifically, you activate dopamine pathways linked to motivation and confidence. You're not just feeling better, you're building internal evidence that you can still move forward. Even here, this is what behavioral scientists call self-reinforcing feedback loops. When the brain sees that action leads to reward, even a tiny one, it's more likely to repeat that behavior.

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The loop says, I did something. It mattered. I can do it again. When I was rebuilding my life after losing that executive job, it wasn't some dramatic reinvention. It was small wins that kept me grounded. Finishing a walk, I said I'd take. Sending out 20 job applications in a day, writing a paragraph I didn't feel like writing, following up with someone who mattered to me.

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I didn't always feel like it, but every time I followed through on something small, I chipped away at the doubt. So here's the invitation.

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one micro win you can repeat it could be one sentence in a journal drinking water before coffee five minutes of breath work texting one person without overthinking it celebrating a boundary you held then mark it physically note it say it out loud track it share it let your brain register That mattered because when life feels uncertain, you need more than goals.

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You need evidence that you're showing up, that you're building strength, that your life still has forward motion, even when it's quiet. So much of mental health isn't about fixing what's broken. It's about protecting what's working. And these micro-wins? they become emotional scaffolding. Not flashy, but steady. The kind of steady that keeps you standing while everything else is shifting.

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So let's bring it back to the moments that shake us. Losing the job, facing the fog, feeling the drift. Not because everything collapsed at once, but because piece by piece, it started to feel like you did. And in those moments when everything feels shaky, we don't need grand reinventions. We need anchors, habits, human rituals that remind us we're still here. We still matter.

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we still have agency even in the dark. That's what this episode was really about. Not how to fix uncertainty, but how to stand inside it without losing yourself. Because here's the truth. You can't build a meaningful life on emotional fumes. You have to create the foundation that can hold what matters most. If something stirred in you while listening, hold on to it.

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Because Mental Health Awareness Month isn't just a theme. It's a commitment to your internal world, to your capacity, to your sense of meaning. And we're continuing that journey all month long with solo episodes on how to reframe your inner world, how to build emotional ecosystems, and how to create sustainable mental health habits that honor who you really are.

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Then on Thursday, I spoke with Dr. Tiffany Moon, an anesthesiologist, entrepreneur, mother, and author of the new book, Joy Prescriptions. We talked about how joy isn't a reward for getting through the hard stuff. It's a daily practice, a mental health discipline, one that lets you stay emotionally connected even when life feels noisy, uncertain, or overwhelming.

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Because the goal isn't just to survive the chaos. It's to stay grounded in what makes life worth living. And next Tuesday, I'm joined by Dr. Zach Mercurio, author of the new book, The Power of Mattering. We'll explore why being seen, needed, and significant isn't a nice-to-have. It's a biological and psychological necessity.

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If today's message landed, Zach's episode will speak directly to your core. So be sure to hit follow, subscribe to The Ignited Life for more reflections, and join us in the Ignition Room, our community built for people just like you.

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And as always, if this episode mattered to you, leave a five-star review. Share it with someone who needs a steady voice. Subscribe to our YouTube channel so you don't miss what's next. Keep showing up for yourself and for what you value most because life won't always offer stability, but you can create it one anchor at a time, one connection at a time, one moment of mattering at a time.

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Until next time. Notice more, name what matters, and live life passion-struck.

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And today, I'm continuing that thread with a solo episode about the habits that keep you anchored through it all. Because if the last few years have taught us anything, it's this. We can't always predict what's coming, but... We can build something inside us that holds no matter what does. This episode is about the habits that help you do just that.

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The mental health anchors that don't just keep you afloat. They tether you back to what matters when everything around you feels unsteady. We're going to explore five science-backed habits. to help you cultivate emotional clarity, resilience, and intention, especially in times of uncertainty.

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And if these conversations resonate with you, I want to remind you that we've built two new spaces where you can go even deeper. The Ignition Room, our community for real connection and dialogue, and the Ignited Life, our new substack for weekly reflections, mental fitness strategies, and behind-the-scenes insights. Links to both are in the show notes.

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Because it's not enough to just survive the hard seasons. We want to learn how to live through them with purpose, with presence, and with peace. Let's get into it. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. Let me take you back to one of the most uncertain moments of my life.

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Because mental health doesn't start at collapse. It starts in the moments we stop showing up for ourselves and the quiet ones when we finally do. Let's talk about how to find your footing again. Welcome to Passion Struck.

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I was the chief digital officer and head of global operations at Catalina Marketing. reporting directly to the CEO. It was a big job in a billion-dollar corporation, one of those roles you work years to reach. From the outside, everything looked stable, impressive even, but on the inside, both in the company and in me, things were starting to come apart.

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We were in the middle of a full-scale overhaul, trying to modernize systems, reinvent the business, turn a ship that didn't want to turn, but nothing was moving like it should. We hit wall after wall. Budget cuts. Boardroom indecision. A private equity group unwilling to invest in the long term. And I could feel it. The tension. The drift. Something was breaking beneath the surface.

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And not just in the company. In me. I'd already begun thinking about leaving. Quietly, I'd started the job search, but there was a catch. I had moved my entire family to Tampa Bay for this job, and I'd made a promise. We're not moving again. And that trapped me. I couldn't find the right fit locally. I didn't want to uproot my kids. I didn't want to let anyone down. So I did what many of us do.

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I kept going. I pushed through. I buried the burnout. I smiled through the strain. Then one day the call came. Can you come see the CEO? And that was it. I was being let go. Even though I'd seen it coming, even though part of me wanted out, when the moment actually hit, it still crushed me.

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Because when you're carrying that much responsibility for a company, for a family, for your identity, you don't just lose a job. You lose your footing. Everything suddenly feels unstable, untethered, undefined.

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Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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that's why i wanted to bring you this episode because uncertainty doesn't just come from one event it can creep in slowly through indecision isolation exhaustion and when it does we don't need more control we need something to anchor us and that's what we're talking about today mental health habits that help you stay rooted especially when life feels unstable these aren't hacks or morning routines

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They're evidence-based, deeply human practices that help you hold your ground when the world around you shifts. They've helped me reclaim stability in some of the most unsteady seasons of my life. And my hope is they might help you do the same. What if the worst part of uncertainty isn't what happens to you,

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but what it quietly convinces you about yourself let's step back for a moment because what you just heard in my story isn't unique we all face seasons like that moments when the floor shifts beneath us and we're left asking what now but here's what most of us don't realize Uncertainty doesn't just affect your schedule or your circumstances. It changes your biology.

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It doesn't just mess with your plans. It messes with your nervous system. When life becomes unpredictable, when your job, your identity, your relationships, or even your routines feel up in the air, your brain reacts as if you're under threat. Because in many ways, it thinks you are. At a neurological level, uncertainty activates the amygdala, your brain's fear center.

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It kicks off a stress response. Cortisol spikes, your thoughts speed up, and your body prepares to protect itself. This is why uncertainty often doesn't show up as fear. It shows up as irritability, brain fog, emotional detachment, or over-functioning. You're not just reacting to a hard moment. You're managing the invisible tacks of not knowing what's next. But here's the key.

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You don't need total control to feel grounded. You need coherence. That doesn't mean certainty. It means something to hold onto, a sense of structure, a signal of meaning, predictability, purpose, agency. These are the signals your nervous system is wired to respond to. And that's where anchoring habits come in. These aren't grand gestures.

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They're small, intentional acts that remind your mind and body, I'm safe. I'm still here. There's something I can count on. From a research standpoint, this taps into behavioral activation. The idea that taking small actions can interrupt inertia and lift mood. It taps into emotional regulation.

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how we process and redirect difficult feelings, self-efficacy, the belief that what we do still matters, and co-regulation, the emotional safety we get from connection with others. Together, these habits don't eliminate the chaos, but they give you your inner structure to withstand it. As I talked about in the Serendipity episode number 600,

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When you live like what you do might matter, you don't just survive the unpredictable, you start to create meaning inside it. These five anchors are how you do that. They're not about controlling the world. They're about strengthening your foundation within it. And let's start with the first. Anchor number one, internal credibility.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hello, everyone. John here and welcome to Episode 607 of Passion Struck.

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We talk about credibility and leadership, but what about the kind no one sees? What about the quiet credibility you build with yourself in the moments when no one's watching? When life gets uncertain, it's not just the world outside that starts to wobble. It's your own sense of stability inside. You start to question your direction, your energy, your identity.

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And one of the fastest ways we unravel is by breaking the small promises we make to ourselves. We say we'll take a walk and don't. We say we'll speak up and stay quiet. We say we'll rest and keep scrolling. Eventually, the message your brain receives isn't just, I'm overwhelmed. It becomes, I can't count on myself.

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That erosion, subtle as it is, adds up because self-trust is foundational to resilience. And when you lose that, you start outsourcing your emotional compass. You wait for the feedback, the affirmation, the green light from someone else. But here's the shift. The fastest way to rebuild internal stability is to make one small promise to yourself and keep it. Not the perfect promise.

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Not the all or nothing routine, just something you can actually follow through on today. Psychologist Albert Bandura coined a term for this, self-efficacy. It's your belief that your actions still hold weight, even when the world feels out of control. And the research is clear. When you take intentional, doable action, even during chaos, your brain gets the message. I'm still in here.

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I still have agency. I matter to me. You don't need a 30-day overhaul. You need a micro act of self-integrity. Write one sentence in a journal. Prep your lunch instead of skipping it. Text someone instead of overthinking it. That's the seed of internal credibility. And here's the paradox. The smaller the promise, the bigger the trust you rebuild.

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Because when you do the thing you say you'll do, even when the world is wobbling, you stop being a stranger to yourself. You become someone you can rely on, and that becomes a personal anchor you can build on every day. Self-trust isn't loud. It's earned in the quiet. So that begs the question, when was the last time you kept a promise to yourself that no one else knew about?

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How did that shift something inside? And here's the thing. Self-trust doesn't mean doing it all alone. Because while internal credibility helps you steady your own ground, belonging is what reminds you that you're not standing there by yourself. In episode 606, I shared something called the mattering mental health loop. The idea that when we believe we matter, we engage more.

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And when we engage, we start to notice more, especially in others. That awareness leads to empathy. And over time, it builds the kind of relational safety that allows us not to just survive, but to thrive. Belonging isn't just a feeling. It's a stabilizer. And in uncertain times, it might be the most powerful anchor we have. That's why this next anchor matters so much.

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Anchor number two, build a belonging ritual. Not performative connection, not scrolling, but actual moments of co-regulation where you feel seen, mirrored, and emotionally realigned. When life feels uncertain, one of the first things to slip is connection, not just to others, but to yourself. We stop reaching out. We default to isolation.

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We become transactional in our relationships and performative in our presence. Not because we don't care, but because when we're emotionally untethered, we instinctively start protecting our energy. The problem is, protecting becomes withdrawing. And soon, the story in your head isn't just, I need space. It becomes... Maybe I don't matter right now. Maybe I'm too much.

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Before we dive in, I want to take a moment to thank you. These past two weeks have been filled with milestones for the show. From being named the number three life leadership podcast by a million podcasts to winning the Gold Stevie Award for Best Independent Podcast at the 2025 American Business Awards. And now to launching our brand new clothing line.

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Maybe I need to figure this out alone. But here's what the science tells us. Social baseline theory, developed by psychologists James Cohn and Lane Beckes, shows that our brains aren't wired for solo survival. We literally function better with connection. In one of their studies, just holding a loved one's hand during a stressful task reduced the brain's threat response.

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Being around trusted people lowers stress, improves mood, and even regulates blood pressure. And it goes further. Just thinking of someone who makes you feel safe can calm your nervous system. That's not just emotional comfort. That's neuroscience.

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And as Dr. Andrew Newberg shared in our conversation earlier this week, rituals of connection and meaning activate areas of the brain associated with emotional regulation, compassion, and clarity. We are biologically designed to sync with others. We heal faster. think clearer, and feel safer together. That's why you don't just need connection. You need a belonging ritual.

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I still register in someone else's world. I'm not alone here. I matter even when I'm quiet. This can be as simple as a weekly call with one trusted friend, a shared playlist you update with someone you care about, a recurring check-in text thread with no pressure, just presence, showing up in a community, like the ignition room, where people are committed to showing up with you.

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You don't need hundreds of people. You need one safe connection you don't have to earn. Because the moment you feel like you belong again, your nervous system relaxes, your thoughts slow down, and your capacity expands. We'll get into the next anchor in just a moment. But since it's Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to remind you this entire month on PassionStruck is dedicated to conversations

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that don't just inspire you, they support you. From solo episodes like this to interviews with experts like Dr. Andrew Newberg and Gretchen Rubin, we're diving deep into what it means to care for your mind, your emotions, and your sense of meaning in a chaotic world. Stick around, because what's next is something I know you'll want to hear.

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welcome back before the break we talked about how connection especially through belonging rituals regulates our nervous system and reminds us that we matter but here's the thing even when you feel connected life can still leave you feeling directionless that's why this next anchor is so crucial because when everything feels uncertain and you're drifting between roles routines or responsibilities you don't need more control

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you need a compass and that leads to anchor number three interrupt the drift with a why sometimes when life gets uncertain it's not just your plans that fall apart it's your clarity your direction your why you start waking up in a fog you go through the motions You show up, but you don't quite feel like you're in your life anymore. It's not burnout, not quite depression.

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What if the strength of your family doesn't come from grand gestures but from the small moments you don't even notice? In episode 582, I dive into how tiny, everyday choices can either bring you closer together or slowly create distance. Join me as we uncover the quiet, often overlooked actions that truly hold families together. Welcome to Passion Struck.

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That shift doesn't require more time, more energy, or complete lifestyle change. It requires intentionality. So this leads me to one of the most important questions I think so many of us face. How do we give when we have nothing left? I know this is what I felt almost every single day when I came home from work.

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And it's important to realize if kids build their self-worth by how we respond to them, and if we're so exhausted, overstimulated, and mentally drained that we can't respond with presence, then where does that leave us? Dr. Pressman put it to me this way. Kids don't just need us to be there. They need us to be emotionally available. But that's impossible if we keep running on empty.

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And yet, that's the reality for so many parents. After a full workday, Whether at the office or at home, we have nothing left to give. We're still processing work stress. We're handling logistics, schedules, and obligations. And on top of that, we're supposed to be emotionally present for our kids. That's an impossible ask. But burnout doesn't just damage us. It damages connection.

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So how do we correct it? The first step is acknowledging what's really draining us. We assume our kids need more of our time, but what they really need is more of our attention. Most parents don't even realize how much residual attention we're giving to things that aren't in the room. emails, to-do lists, work obligations that bleed into family time.

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We're physically present, but mentally elsewhere. Our bodies transition from one space to another, but our minds don't. You walk through the front door, but your head is still in a meeting. You're making dinner, but you're still processing an unresolved email. Your child asks a question, and you nod, half-listening, before realizing... You have no idea what they just said. Kids can feel this.

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That's why the solution isn't just be more present. It's about creating a buffer between work and family. A small deliberate moment where we transition, reset. and reclaim our attention before stepping into the next role.

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When I spoke with Dr. Wendy Smith, she talked about the false trade-off that so many parents feel, the belief that you have to choose between being productive and being emotionally available. But it's not about choosing one over the other. It's about intentionally designing small shifts that allow both to coexist. It doesn't take hours. It takes five minutes. The act of pausing

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Stepping outside for a breath, closing your eyes for a moment, shaking off the workday before reengaging can make all the difference. Because kids don't need us to be available all the time. They need us to be fully there when we are available. And this leads me to the second important question we have to answer. How do families drift apart without even realizing it?

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Most families don't break because of one catastrophic event. They fade through tiny, imperceptible moments of disconnection. It happens quietly. Dinner becomes a collection of separate screens, everyone eating in their own world. Conversations shrink to logistics, schedules, deadlines, the practicalities of life. The household starts to feel like a place where people coexist rather than connect.

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Beneath the surface, something is missing. Today, we're diving into a silent epidemic of disconnection that's slowly eroding families. How the feeling of not mattering is at the core of this struggle. It's not that families don't love each other.

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Dr. Gottem's research found that thriving families don't necessarily spend more time together, they just have more consistent anchor points, which are small, predictable moments that bring them back together. But for many modern families, even these small moments are slipping away. Dr. Pressman told me, "'Kids need rituals of belonging.'"

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Something as simple as predictable mealtimes, where they know they will be seen and heard, creates an emotional anchor. Yet in many homes, dinner has become just another task, one that, more often than not, happens in front of a screen. It's not that parents don't care. It's that exhaustion, stress, and digital distraction make it easier to disconnect than to connect.

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So the real question isn't, how do we stop disconnecting? And that's where technology plays a much bigger role than we realize. The biggest force pulling families apart isn't just stress. It's the quiet, ever-present pull of screens. We aren't just distracted anymore. We are overstimulated. We check emails at dinner. We scroll through social media during conversations.

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We turn to Netflix instead of each other. Not out of disinterest, but because it's easier than the emotional effort of connection. And kids, they're learning the same habits. Dr. Pressman explained to me that kids don't retreat into screens just for entertainment. They do it to cope with feeling unseen.

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A child who doesn't feel like they're being noticed will naturally find a place where they are noticed, even if it's online. But the most powerful way to make a child put their phone down isn't restriction, it's engagement. So how do we stop screens from replacing human connection? Not by eliminating them, but by redefining how we use them. First, we need to set realistic tech boundaries.

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Completely banning screens isn't practical. Instead, we need small, predictable boundaries that protect key moments of connection. Instead of no screens allowed, shift to no screens in these spaces. such as no phones at the dinner table, no screens in bedrooms after a set time, no devices during face-to-face conversations.

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Instead of less screen time, switch to screen time with purpose, watching shows together instead of separately, using apps for connection, like shared playlists, Family gaming nights. Texting or video calling is a way to stay in touch, not just to escape. The goal isn't to remove screens, it's to make sure they don't replace family connection.

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The second thing we can do is to model the habits we want to see. Parents want kids to be less distracted, yet we often model distraction ourselves. If our first instinct after work is to check our phones, we can't be surprised when our kids do the same. Dr. Smith explained to me that kids internalize what they see far more than what they've been told.

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the sense of being truly seen valued and acknowledged has been lost in the shuffle of everyday life we often assume that because love exists in the family the connection is there too but love alone isn't enough without intentional actions that show we matter to each other love fades into the background so today i'm exploring how families can get caught in a cycle of emotional neglect

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She told me a child who grows up watching their parents choose presents will naturally do the same. But if they only see their parents distracted, they'll learn that that's the norm. This means owning our own digital habits.

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it means placing the phone out of reach during meals creating check-in moments where work emails and notifications are off limits and being mindful of how often we're half listening while looking at a screen kids don't just follow rules they follow examples and then third don't just block tech replace it with engagement instead of just limiting screen time give kids something better to do a child buried in a screen

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may not just put it down just because you ask, but they will put it down if there's something more engaging happening with the people they love. This doesn't mean orchestrating elaborate bonding activities. It means creating simple, inviting moments of togetherness.

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cooking together instead of eating separately, playing a quick card game before bed instead of passive scrolling, walking the dog as a family instead of everyone disappearing into their own corners. A family that plays together, cooks together, and lingers together doesn't need as many rules about tech because the alternative becomes more appealing than the screen.

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And this leads me to the final question. How do we rebuild connection without overwhelming ourselves. One of the biggest myths about family connection is that it requires grand, time-consuming efforts. But real connection isn't about built in long, deep conversations or extravagant gestures. It's built in small daily moments of intentional presence.

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When I asked Arthur Brooks about this, he told me, happiness in relationships isn't about eliminating stress. It's about managing yourself, not the outside world. And that's the key. Reconnection isn't about doing more. It's about showing up differently in the time you already have. And Dr. Smith's research on paradoxes reinforces this idea.

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She explained that the happiest families don't force togetherness. They design tiny, meaningful interactions that fit with their real lives. So instead of trying to fix disconnection with more scheduled time together, what if we focused on infusing connection into what already exists? Instead of eating dinner in silence, what if we used that time to actually talk?

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Instead of everyone disappearing into separate rooms after dinner, what if we lingered for five extra minutes? Instead of asking kids, how was your day? Which inevitably leads to them answering, fine. What if we asked, what made you laugh today? Or what was something interesting you learned? These tiny shifts change the emotional culture of a home. Because family connection isn't about quantity.

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It's about quality and consistency. So this leads me to the one-sentence daily habit that changes everything. If a child's self-worth is shaped by whether they feel seen, then perhaps the most powerful shift we can make is actually saying it out loud. Once a day, take a moment to acknowledge something about them. Not just a compliment. Not just a passing good job. Something specific.

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Something like, I love how kind you were to your sister today, or I'm proud of how hard you worked on that, or I love spending time with you. It takes less than 10 seconds, but over time, it becomes the foundation of their self-belief. And Dr. Gottlam's research shows that the ratio of positive interaction to negative ones determines the long-term health of any relationship. And that's the point.

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Families don't thrive because of one big dramatic moment of connection. They thrive because of thousands of tiny moments that prove over and over again that everyone matters. And here's the truth. We won't always be perfectly present. We won't always say the right thing. We won't always get it right. But kids don't need perfect parents. They need parents who try.

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even without conflict. I'll go into the impact of small, unnoticed moments that make us feel invisible, and why showing that we matter is essential to keeping families strong and connected. These are the quiet struggles many families face, and in this episode, we'll unpack how the lack of feeling truly valued is affecting family dynamics and what we can do about it.

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They need parents who make the effort, even when they're exhausted, even when life is chaotic. They need evidence, small daily moments that prove they matter. And the good news? Those moments are already happening. We just have to notice them. And that's a wrap on today's episode. But here's the thing. This conversation doesn't end here. Connection isn't built in grand gestures.

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It's built in the unnoticed moments, the tiny choices we make when no one is watching. The moment you look up from your phone when your child speaks. The extra minute you linger at the dinner table instead of rushing off. The way you say goodnight. not as a routine, but as a ritual. No single moment defines a family, but a thousand small ones do. The reality is we won't get this right every day.

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We'll be distracted. We'll be tired. We'll snap when we didn't mean to. But what matters isn't perfection. It's returning. Whether after a hard day, we still make space to connect. Whether in the middle of chaos, we find seconds.

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just seconds to remind someone they matter whether we choose to see each other even when life makes it easy to look away that's what makes a family strong not just love but the proof of it woven into the smallest most ordinary moments of every day so if this episode resonated with you pay it forward share it with someone who needs to hear it post it tag me

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I want to know what stood out to you the most. And if you want to take this deeper, I don't just talk about these ideas. I bring them into organizations, teams, and communities to ignite real transformation. If you're looking for a workshop, keynote, or event that will reshape how people think about relationships, purpose, and personal mastery, let's connect.

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Head over to johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn more. And coming up next on Passion Struck. I have a profound conversation for you. I'm sitting down with Dr. Lori Santos, Yale professor and host of the Happiness Lab podcast to explore the science of wellbeing, why our minds trick us into chasing the wrong things and how small shifts in daily life create lasting happiness.

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You absolutely don't want to miss it.

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And remember, you're not here to consume content. You're here because you're investing in yourself. And that's what makes PassionStruck so powerful. So take what you've learned today, apply it, and keep showing up for yourself because no one else can do that for you. And lastly, the fee for this show is simple. If you got value here, pay it forward.

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Leave a five-star rating, share the episode, post it, text it, whatever it takes to get this into the hands of people and families who need it most. Until next time, keep choosing the things that matter. And as always, live life passion struck.

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Before we dive in, I want to remind you about the episode starter packs. handpicked collections of our most popular episodes that help you start your journey toward intentional living. You can find them on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs.

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And if you haven't already joined, you need to sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter, where I share weekly insights, challenges, practical strategies, and exclusive content to help you live with greater purpose. You can sign up at passionstruck.com. All right, let's get started.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. At first glance, everything looks fine. A mother stands at the kitchen counter, scrolling through emails as she sips her coffee. Her teenage daughter enters, backpack slung over one shoulder, and mutters a half-hearted, mourning.

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Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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The mother replies without even looking up. In the living room, a father flips through the news on his phone while his son plays a video game. They sit just a few feet apart, yet they haven't spoken beyond a passing, "'Did you finish your homework?' Dinner is a quiet shuffle of plates and utensils, punctuated by short practical question, "'Who's driving to practice?'

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Did you pay the electricity bill? Conversations are efficient, but they don't go beyond logistics. And at the end of the night, they retreat to their separate rooms, each absorbed in their own world. This isn't a broken home. It's just a disconnected one. Nobody's fighting. Nobody's yelling. The love is still there, unspoken, assumed, but present. And yet, something crucial is missing.

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Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a leading expert on social connection, describes this as a form of loneliness we rarely talk about. We often think loneliness is about physical isolation, she told me in episode 282, but loneliness isn't about being alone. It's about feeling unseen. You can be surrounded by family and still feel profoundly lonely. Most families don't fall apart with a bang.

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They fade through the slow erosion of attention, the accumulation of moments where mattering is assumed but never demonstrated. We assume that love is enough, that just because we care about someone, they automatically feel valued. But love, left unexpressed, becomes background noise. Psychologist Dr. John Gottam spent decades studying what makes relationships thrive or fail.

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What he found wasn't what most people expect. In healthy families, people acknowledge each other's bids for attention 86% of the time. In struggling families, that number drops below 33%. Not because they don't love each other, but because they stop seeing each other. Gottman describes these as sliding door moments. tiny opportunities to turn toward someone instead of away.

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A child says, Mom, look what I made. The parent glances up and says, uh, uh, nice, then looks back at their phone. The partner asks, how was your day? Instead of pausing, looking them in the eye and truly listening, the other mutters, fine, barely looking up. The child stops showing their artwork. The partner stops asking about the day. Dr. Wendy Smith.

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Professor of Management at the University of Delaware has spent years studying paradoxes in relationships. When I interviewed her on the podcast, she explained that we want deep connection, but we're constantly pulled in different directions. She told me that the paradox is that while we assume love is enough, love only thrives when it's expressed, and mattering must be intentional.

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Her insight raises an important question. If love thrives when expressed, what happens when it isn't? Albert Einstein knew this feeling well. Before he was one of the greatest scientific minds in history, he was a child who felt invisible. As a boy, Einstein didn't speak fluently until he was almost five years old. His teachers thought he was slow. His classmates ignored him.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey there, passion struck fan. Welcome to episode 582.

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Even his parents, though they loved him, worried he would never amount to much. he later recalled that his sense of not mattering shaped him deeply but then something shifted his mother pauline was the first person to truly see him she noticed his fascination with patterns and numbers instead of dismissing his interests as strange She encouraged them.

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She gave him a violin, knowing that music had the structure and beauty that soothed him. She fought for his education when schools wanted to turn him away. In his later years, Einstein credited these small but profound moments with changing the course of his life. Because when someone makes us feel like we matter, we rise to that belief. But the opposite is also true.

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When people feel unseen, unheard, or dismissed, they shrink. Arthur Brooks, a Harvard professor and best-selling author on the science of happiness, has spent decades studying what makes relationships thrive. When I spoke to him in episode 344, he shared a simple but profound truth. Happiness isn't about eliminating suffering. It's about managing yourself. not managing the outside world.

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The happiest people don't wait for life to get easier. They take ownership of their emotions and their relationships. Arthur's insight has powerful implications for families. When a child grows up in a home where they feel seen, not just for what they achieve, but for who they are, they build a strong sense of self-worth.

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When a spouse feels acknowledged, not just as a partner in logistics, but as a person with dreams, struggles, and emotions, they invest more deeply in the relationship. But the opposite is also true. When children don't feel like they matter, they internalize a message of invisibility. When partners don't feel valued, they stop investing emotionally.

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When families prioritize logistics over connection, they slowly drift apart. This isn't about blame. It's about awareness. Because small changes can rebuild what's been lost. I used to believe that love was enough. That if you love someone, your child, your spouse, your parents, they just knew it. That the foundation of family was strong simply because of its existence. Then one day I saw it.

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I was sitting in a cafe watching a mother and daughter at the table next to me. The daughter, maybe 12 years old, was animated. Talking fast, her hands moving in the air. She was excited. Maybe about a book she loved, a dream she had. But her mother wasn't looking. She scrolled through her phone, nodding absently. Yeah, honey, that's nice.

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The girl kept talking, but after a while, her voice changed. It got quieter. Then she stopped altogether. It wasn't anger. It wasn't an outburst. It was something sadder. The kind of quiet that signals a door quietly closing. And in that moment, I wondered, how many times had I done that to someone I loved?

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How many times had I been too tired, too distracted, too caught up in my own world to notice when someone needed to feel like they mattered? Families don't fall apart in an instant. They erode in a thousand tiny, unseen moments. But the smallest shift, a look, a pause, a moment of full presence, can bring it back. And this leads me into why families are struggling more than ever.

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It's easy to talk about the importance of connection. It's harder to find the time. Modern life isn't built for presence. It's built for productivity. For many parents, the transition between work and home is instant.

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You shut your laptop or step through the front door, and immediately you're expected to switch gears, going from handling high-stake decisions to handling bedtime routines, from work emails to homework help. I know this because I lived it. As the primary breadwinner, I spent years working high-pressure jobs as a senior executive.

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My days were filled with back-to-back meetings, critical decisions, and the weight of responsibility. But the moment I walked through the door, I wasn't an executive anymore. I was a dad. and my kids needed me. My wife didn't work outside the home, which meant there was an expectation that when I got home, the kids were my responsibility. There was no buffer, no decompression time.

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Whether you've been with me for a while or this is your first time, this is where we challenge conventional thinking and create lives of impact. Earlier this week, we explore two incredible conversations that reshaped how we think about human potential and purpose.

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My head was still filled with work-related problems, but my attention was suddenly required elsewhere. I suspect many families, whether it's one working parent or both, are experiencing some version of this. And even when the workday ends, the distractions don't. There are after-school activities, homework, dinner to be made, emails to check, notifications piling up on our phones.

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And when there's finally a moment of stillness, we don't instinctively turn toward each other. We turn toward something easier. Social media, TV, gaming. Not because we don't love our families, but because we are emotionally exhausted. This is the paradox of modern connection. We have more ways than ever to stay in touch. Texting, FaceTime, Slack messages from work.

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Yet we often feel more emotionally disconnected than ever. And in that constant motion, it's easy to let the small moments of mattering slip away. The good news is that mattering isn't about adding more to our plates. It's about being intentional with what's already there. Dr. Wendy Smith's research on paradoxes offers a key insight. Thriving families don't eliminate tension.

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They learn how to navigate it. That means making mattering a deliberate practice, not just an assumption. Because love is assumed, but mattering must be demonstrated every single day. So this brings us to the science of mattering at home. Before a child steps into a classroom, a friendship, or a romantic relationship, they've already formed an unconscious belief about their worth.

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And that belief starts at home. Dr. Elisa Pressman, a developmental psychologist and co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center, explained in our podcast episode that children build their first blueprint of self-worth through the way they've been seen by their caregivers. It's not just about love. It's about feeling valued.

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This early foundation shapes not only how a child sees themselves, but also how they relate to others for the rest of their lives. Psychologists have long studied how relationships shape our lifelong emotional patterns. Attachment theory, first developed by John Bowlby and later expanded by Dr. Mary Answorth, identifies three primary styles of attachment.

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On Tuesday, I sat down with Natalie Namaste, a renowned holistic healer, to explore the power of the solar plexus chakra and how tapping into your inner energy can transform your confidence, relationships, and well-being. Then on Thursday, Dr. Sam Wilkinson joined me to dive into the evolutionary science of purpose.

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First, there's secure attachment, which is where children who consistently feel seen, soothed, and valued grow into adults who trust relationships and express emotions openly. Then there's anxious attachment.

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This is when children experience inconsistent attention, sometimes present, sometimes distracted, and they grow up craving validation, fearing rejection, and struggling with emotional security. And then lastly, there's avoidant attachment. And in this case, a child learns that when emotional bids are ignored or dismissed, they stop expressing their needs.

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As adults, they might struggle with intimacy, suppress emotions, or believe they must be self-sufficient to avoid disappointment. The heartbreaking reality? Most parents don't intend to create anxious or avoidant attachment patterns, but it happens. and the moments they don't even notice. A child rushes in with a drawing, excited to share. A parent nods without looking up.

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Over time, the child stops sharing. A teenage confesses, I feel like I don't belong anywhere. A parent uncomfortable with the vulnerability responds, don't be silly, you have tons of friends. The teen learns their emotions aren't a safe topic. It's never just one moment. It's the accumulation of these moments that writes a child's internal story. I am worth attention, or I am invisible.

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The way a child experiences mattering at home has a ripple effect far beyond childhood. Children who feel seen and valued develop greater resilience, confidence, and emotional intelligence. Children who struggle with their self-worth seek validation in unhealthy ways or end up withdrawing from connection altogether.

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When kids feel acknowledged, not just for what they do but for who they are, they grow into secure, connected adults. But the opposite is also true. When children feel invisible, they internalize that message. When partners feel unacknowledged, they disengage. When families operate on logistics instead of connection, they slowly drift apart. This isn't about guilt. It's about awareness.

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And the good news? It doesn't take a complete lifestyle overhaul. It takes small, intentional shifts. So here's the real question. What is one moment today where you can make someone in your family... feel like they truly matter. Not just loved, but seen, heard, and valued. Because in the end, families don't thrive on love alone. They thrive on the moments we choose to show it.

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And this leads to the hidden metric of a strong family. I believe we measure family success in all the wrong ways. We look at grades. We look at clean schedules. We keep score with to-do lists and packed calendars. We assume that if the household is functioning, the family is thriving. But the real measure of a strong family isn't how well it runs. It's whether everyone in it feels valued.

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how our biology and psychology shape the meaning of our existence, and why free will plays a crucial role in our lives. And today, we're bringing it back to something even more personal, the way we experience connection in our families. At first glance, everything looks fine. A family sharing a meal. A couple sitting together in the same room. Parents checking in with their kids.

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Does a child feel seen beyond their report card? Does a spouse feel acknowledged outside of logistical conversations? Does each person in the family believe they matter, not just in theory, but in daily experience? This, I believe, is the missing piece. And if we want to build families that don't just function but truly thrive, we need to shift what we prioritize in our daily interactions.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck. You work hard. You push yourself. You do everything you're supposed to do. And yet, deep down, something still feels off. Why? Because most of us aren't chasing what sustains us. We're chasing what looks like fulfillment. But in reality, it's just a mirage. We think once we achieve the next big thing, will finally feel whole.

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How to recognize when you're chasing a mirage, the signs that you're stuck in the achievement trap, and the gut check questions that will help you course correct before it's too late. Because if you're caught in the cycle right now, feeling exhausted, disconnected, and constantly striving, the next part is going to hit home.

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So how do you know if you're chasing something that looks like fulfillment but leaves you feeling empty? Here are the signs that you're chasing a mirage. You keep saying, once I get that promotion, once I make six figures, once I prove myself, Then I'll feel like I matter. I'll finally be happy, but it never comes. Another sign is you're exhausted, but you can't stop striving.

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You tell yourself it's just temporary, but somehow it's been years of temporary. Another sign is your relationships are suffering, but you tell yourself it's just for now. You're not as present with your family. You barely see your friends, but you convince yourself that one day you'll get back to them. And then lastly, no matter how much you achieve, it never feels like enough.

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The goalpost keeps moving. You hit your target, and instead of celebrating, you just raise the bar again and again. I want you to take a deep breath. I want you to be brutally honest with yourself. Ask yourself these three questions. Am I pursuing what actually matters? or what I've been conditioned to believe matters?

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Did I choose the path I'm on because it aligns with my values, or did I chase it because society, my upbringing, or my peers told me it was the right thing to do? Next, I want you to ask yourself, what am I leaving behind to get to where I'm going? You should be thinking, what have I sacrificed on this path time with my family, my well-being, my relationships, my peace of mind?

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And then lastly, is the path leading me to fulfillment or just feeding my ego? So things you could be asking yourself are, am I doing this because it brings me joy and meaning? Or am I just trying to prove something to myself, to others, to the world? If these questions make you feel uncomfortable, good, because that's your wake-up call.

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If you're listening right now and your gut is telling you that you're chasing something that won't sustain you, don't ignore it. This is your sign to pause, to reassess, to pivot before the costs get too high. Because the sooner you recognize that you're chasing a mirage, the sooner you can walk away from it. And that is exactly what we're diving into next.

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How to walk away from what's depleting you. How to stop running on the achievement treadmill. And how to start rebuilding your life around what actually sustains you. So now you see it. You recognize the mirage for what it is. You're aware that you've been chasing something that looks like fulfillment, but leaves you feeling empty. Now comes the hard part. What do you do about it?

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Because knowing the truth is one thing, but actually walking away from what's depleting you? That's the real challenge. This is where everything shifts. The first step to change? Clarity. You can't walk away from something until you name it. So I want you to ask yourself, what is your Moab? What's the thing you're chasing that looks like success but leaves you feeling drained?

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We discussed his latest book, Shift, and how changing the way you talk to yourself can transform your life. Thursday, I had an incredible conversation with Eric Zimmer, host of the One You Feed podcast. We broke down what it really means to cultivate resilience, build better habits, and create a life aligned with your values. And today, we're taking that conversation a step further.

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What's the goal that you've been running toward, thinking it will make you happy, but deep down it never does? What's the sacrifice you keep making, telling yourself it's just for now, but in reality it's been years? Maybe for you, it's a job title that's taking everything from you but giving nothing back. Hustle culture that makes you feel like you're always behind and never enough.

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A toxic cycle of external validation. constantly checking likes, performance reviews, or approval from others. Or maybe it's the pressure to prove yourself, even at the cost of your relationships and well-being. Because here's the truth, you can't fix what you won't face. So before you can walk away, you need to name it.

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And once you know what's depleting you, you need to shift your focus toward what actually fills you up. And I'll tell you this, it's never the thing society tells you to chase. It's not the job title. It's not the money. It's not the recognition. It's connection. We talked about this earlier. The Harvard study on happiness proved it.

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The number one predictor of long-term fulfillment is an achievement. It's relationships. People with deep, meaningful connections live longer, happier lives. Those who prioritize material success over relationships end up isolated and unfulfilled. But here's the kicker. You can't build meaningful relationships when you're exhausted, burned out, and constantly striving.

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Jennifer Wallace said it best in our interview, just as children need to be loved unconditionally, adults also need to be surrounded by people who see them for who they are at their core, beyond their achievements. So ask yourself, who are the people who make you feel seen? Who are the people you've been neglecting because you've been too busy achieving?

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When was the last time you truly showed up for your family, your friendships, your community? Not just physically, but emotionally, because that's where your fulfillment lives. Not in the next big thing, but in the relationships that remind you that you already matter.

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Here's where the real work happens, because if you want to stop chasing a mirage, you have to rewire the belief system that got you here in the first place. And that starts with a mindset shift. Instead of believing success equals worth, Start asking, am I building a life that looks good or one that actually feels good? Am I choosing achievement out of fear or out of alignment?

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What would it look like to define success on my own terms? Because real success isn't about what you accomplish. It's about how aligned you feel when accomplishing it. It's about being present. It's about knowing your worth isn't tied to your productivity. It's about shifting from proving your value to living your value. You don't need to achieve your way to worthiness. You already matter.

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And when you finally internalize that, everything changes. So let's bring this home. You know the mirage exists. You know you've been chasing something that will never fully satisfy you. You know what actually sustains you. And it's not achievement. So here's my challenge to you. What's one small step you can take today to start shifting? Maybe it's finally admitting what your Moab is.

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Maybe it's texting a friend you've neglected and saying, hey, I miss you. Maybe it's choosing to leave work on time because your life outside of work matters too. Because big changes start with one decision. And this is your moment. You don't have to wait until burnout, until the wake-up call, until it's too late. You can start walking away from the mirage today.

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Last week, I talked about something deeply personal, fighting for your soul, and the daily battle to hold on to what truly matters instead of giving it away, piece by piece, to things that don't. And today, we're exposing the biggest reason people lose that fight. Because most people don't even realize that they're chasing the wrong thing.

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This episode wasn't just about recognizing why we chase things that don't sustain us. It was about giving you the tools to walk away, and now the choice is yours. Will you keep running toward the mirage, or will you start shifting toward what actually sustains you? Because you are not just what you achieve. You are who you show up for. You are the relationships you nurture.

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You are the impact you make on the people around you. And that's what matters most. So here's my challenge to you. What's one thing, one thing you will stop chasing today? What's one small step you will take right now toward what actually fulfills you? Because this is your life, your work. your purpose, and it's waiting for you to take action. Make the choice. Take the step. Start the shift.

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Because fulfillment isn't out there in the distance. It's right here, waiting for you to claim it. And that's a wrap on today's episode. But listen, this isn't just another podcast you tune into and forget about. You're here because you're ready to take action. You're ready to fight for what truly matters. And that... fires me up.

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If this episode sparked something in you, if it made you pause and rethink what you're chasing, don't let it stop here. Share this episode. Think of someone who needs to hear this. A friend, a colleague, a family member. Be the one who helps them take that first step. Then leave a five-star review. It takes 30 seconds, and it helps bring this message to the people who need it most.

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And do you want to go even deeper? I don't just talk about these ideas. I bring them to teams, leaders, and organizations around the world. If today's conversation hit home and you think your group could benefit, let's connect. Through keynotes, workshops, and events, I help ignite purpose, focus, and intentionality where it matters most. Head over to johnrmiles.com speaking to learn more.

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Next week, I'm sitting down with Dr. Shige Ueshi, one of the world's top researchers on human well-being. We're diving into his new book, Life in Three Dimensions, how curiosity, exploration, and experience make a fuller, better life. And trust me,

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even your success is a little if the desire is small then you could feel good about yourself so here's the deal you're not just consuming content you're investing in yourself and that's what passion struck is all about so take what you learned today apply it and keep showing up for yourself because no one else can do that for you. And remember, the fee for the show is simple.

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If you got value, share it, post it, text it, email it, get it into the hands of someone who needs it. Until next time, keep chasing the stuff that matters. Keep taking bold steps, and as always, live life passion-struck.

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They think they're chasing fulfillment, but they're actually chasing the mirage of more. The high-paying job that pulls you away from your family. The endless pursuit of success that leaves you feeling empty. The belief that if I just achieve one more thing, I'll finally feel fulfilled. But what if I told you what you're chasing isn't the problem? The problem is it's never going to be enough.

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And today we're exposing that illusion. We're talking about why we keep chasing things that don't sustain us, how to recognize when you're caught in the cycle, and most importantly, how to walk away and start building a life that actually fulfills you. But before we dive in, if you're new here, welcome. Passion Struck is more than just a podcast. It's a movement.

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With over 570 episodes, we've built a community dedicated to unlocking human potential and creating lives of impact. but I know it can be overwhelming to know where to start. That's why we've created Episode Starter Packs, curated playlists designed to help you dive into topics like mindset, resilience, and leadership.

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You can find them at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or directly on Spotify. Want even more? Subscribe to my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com. Every week I send out tips, challenges, and tools to help you crush it in every area of your life. And if you haven't subscribed to the YouTube channel yet, what are you waiting for?

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Head over there for highlights, behind the scenes content, and more. Now, let's dive into today's discussion. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. You're lost in the desert. The sun is blazing. Your throat is parched. And every step feels heavier than the last.

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But just like a mirage in the desert, the moment we reach what we thought was our destination, the goalpost moves again. And that's why today's episode is so crucial. Because if you don't recognize the mirage, you'll spend your life running towards something That was never real in the first place. Let's get into it. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles.

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And then you see it. An oasis in the distance. Water. Relief. Your body surges forward. Because finally, you're about to quench your thirst. But when you arrive, the water is gone. It was never real. That right there is exactly how most of us live our lives. We chase success, achievement, and validation, believing that once we arrive, we'll finally feel fulfilled.

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Once I get the promotion, I'll feel valued. Once I hit this salary, I'll feel secure. Once I prove myself, I'll finally feel like I matter. But just like a mirage, the goalposts keep moving. And this isn't just happening in our jobs. The disconnection is everywhere. In our homes, families sit in the same room but barely speak, each lost in their own digital world.

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In our schools, students feel unseen. Their worth tied to grades and test scores rather than who they really are. In our communities, loneliness is rising. despite being more connected than ever before. In our friendships, people struggle to feel truly known, unsure if anyone would even notice if they disappeared.

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We're chasing something, some next level, some next achievement, thinking it will complete us. And one day, we wake up and realize we built a life that looks good on the outside but feels empty on the inside. So today, I have one simple question for you. Are you chasing something real or are you just running toward a mirage?

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Because if you feel exhausted, disconnected, and like no matter how much you achieve, it's never enough, today's episode is for you. So if the mirage is everywhere, if we're chasing something that never truly satisfies, Why do we keep running toward it? The reason is because we've been sold the illusion of more.

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For centuries, humans have told stories about seeking abundance and ending up with less. And one of the most powerful examples? The story of Moab. There's an old story about a woman named Naomi. She and her family left their home Bethlehem in search of more. More security. More opportunity. more prosperity. And so they set out for Moab, a land that seemed full of promise. But Moab didn't deliver.

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Instead of abundance, Naomi found loss, grief, and disconnection. And eventually, she turned back. She realized she had been chasing a future that looked good from a distance, but wasn't where she truly belonged. Now, whether or not you've ever heard this story before doesn't matter because the lesson, it's timeless. It's not just an ancient story. It's my story.

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And if you're really honest with yourself, it might be your story too. Maybe you've had a moment like this. You were in a great place, a job, a community, a season of life that felt stable. But something inside of you started whispering, this isn't enough. And then, out of nowhere, an opportunity appeared. A promotion, a move, a chance for more. It looked like progress.

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But deep down, you had this gut feeling. What am I about to trade? That's exactly where I found myself. Let me take you back to a moment in my life where I stood at my own crossroads, my own Moab moment. I had everything that should have felt right. I was an executive at Lowe's, doing work that mattered. But beyond that, my family and I had built something real. A strong community around us.

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A church family that gave us purpose. A neighborhood full of friends. You know, the kind where you borrow sugar from your neighbor and watch each other's kids. Our children were well-adjusted, thriving in their environment. But then I hit a wall. I wasn't satisfied in my work life. I had just been told that the promotion I had been working toward for so long wasn't going to happen.

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And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays.

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And then the opportunity came. A dream role at Dell, the kind of job that looked perfect on paper. More money, more prestige, a bigger title. It was everything I thought I wanted. But to take it, I would have to walk away from everything we had built. And at the time, I convinced myself it was worth it. But once we got there, everything changed. We lost our strong community overnight.

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Our church family was gone. We had to start all over. Our children struggled to adjust. We moved to a neighborhood where houses were far apart. So far, we barely knew our neighbors. And despite all the money, the title, and the prestige, I felt completely disconnected. It didn't take long to realize I had traded meaning for a mirage. I thought I was stepping into something better.

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But in reality, I had walked away from what actually sustained me. And that's when it hit me. Moab promises more, but it delivers less. So let me ask you this, where is your Moab? What's the thing you're chasing that seems like it will bring you fulfillment but is actually pulling you away from the things that truly matter? Is it the career that looks impressive but makes you miserable?

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Is it the comparison loop that keeps you feeling like you're always behind? Is it the constant busyness? that makes you feel productive, but leaves you emotionally drained. Because, just like Naomi, you don't have to stay in Moab. The moment you recognize that you're chasing a mirage, you can choose a different path. Now maybe you're sitting there thinking, I hear you. Why do I keep doing this?

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Why do I keep chasing something I know won't fulfill me? Well, that's exactly what we're talking about next. Because if the mirage is everywhere, we need to ask, why do we keep falling for it? We're diving into the false promise of achievement. While society convinces us that external success leads to happiness, and why that promise never quite delivers.

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Stick with me, because this next part, it might just change the way you see success forever. So if we know this, if we know that more doesn't always mean better, why do we still chase it? Why do we keep striving for the next promotion, the next title, the next level, even when we know deep down it won't fulfill us? Because we've been wired to believe the lie.

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The lie that achievement equals fulfillment. The lie that if we can just reach the next milestone, we'll finally feel enough. The lie that success is what makes life meaningful. But let me tell you something, that promise, it never delivers. From the moment that we're kids, we're told, get good grades. You'll feel smart. Get into a top school. You'll be set for life. Land a prestigious job.

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You'll finally feel accomplished. Make a certain amount of money. You'll feel secure. And so we learn that our worth is tied to what we do. But here's what happens. We achieve the thing. We feel good for a moment. And then the goalpost moves. You get the promotion. but now you're chasing the next one. You buy the dream house, but now you need to furnish it perfectly.

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You hit your income goal, but now someone else is making more. And suddenly, it's not enough anymore. That's the trap. You never actually arrive because the bars keep moving. This isn't just something we experience as individuals. It's something we're passing down to our kids, creating a culture where nothing is ever enough. I had the chance to interview Jennifer Wallace in episode 335.

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Jennifer is an award-winning journalist and author of Never Enough, When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic and What We Can Do About It. And in her interview, she put it perfectly.

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We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey there, PassionStruck fam. Welcome to episode 570. I am so fired up you're here.

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She said, the most surprising thing I found in my research was that when you have a child in distress, the number one intervention, according to decades of resilience research, is making sure the primary caregivers, most often the parents, have their well-being intact. Why? Because a child's resilience rests fundamentally on a parent's resilience.

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And a parent's resilience, it rests on the depth and nurturing of their relationships. But let's be real. How many adults actually have deep, meaningful relationships that sustain them? Jennifer went on to say, parents spend eight, nine, ten hours a day at work. where they feel like they don't matter. They don't have a voice. They're afraid they'll be the next layoff.

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They're not recognized for their contributions. And then they come home completely depleted, expected to be the first responders to their kids' distress. But how do we show up for our kids when we have nothing left to give? And here's the gut punch. We have prioritized what researchers call materialistic goals.

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career success, financial status, over intrinsic goals, like strong relationships and a sense of belonging. And it's failing us. This isn't just about our careers. It's about what we're modeling for the next generation. Our kids aren't learning that they matter for who they are. They're learning that their worth is contingent on their performance.

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They are watching us hustle, grind, sacrifice connection for success, and then we wonder why they feel lost. Jennifer's research found that young people, 18 to 30-year-olds, describe their lives as feeling meaningless. One young man she interviewed devoted his entire childhood to getting into an Ivy League school. He got in.

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And then he dropped out, completely burned out, because his entire identity had been built on external achievement. And when he finally arrived, he realized he had no idea who he actually was. We're raising a generation of young people who don't know themselves because we don't give them the space to figure it out. This isn't just psychology.

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It's backed by the longest-running study on human happiness ever conducted, the Harvard Study of Adult Development. For 85 years, researchers tracked the lives of thousands of people from their teenage years all the way into old age to answer one question. What actually makes life fulfilling? And the answer?

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wasn't wealth it wasn't success it wasn't status the number one predictor of happiness health and longevity was strong relationships people with deep connections lived longer healthier and happier lives those who felt isolated and disconnected had higher rates of depression anxiety and even physical illness

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And here's the shocking part, something I learned from Julianne Holt-Lunstead, who's an expert in social connection and health and a professor of psychology and neuroscience. Loneliness is as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. That's how essential mattering is. So why do we keep chasing external success

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when internal connection is what truly sustains us, because we're conditioned to believe the lie. No matter how much you achieve, if you sacrifice what actually sustains you, it will never be enough. So now that we see the mirage for what it is, the real question becomes, how do you know when you're caught in it? Because let's be honest,

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Whether you've been with me for a while or this is your first time, this space is about you. It's where we take on big ideas, make bold moves, and create lives that truly matter. If you weren't here earlier in the week, we had two incredible conversations. On Tuesday, I sat down with Dr. Ethan Cross, one of the world's leading experts on self-talk. and the Power of Inner Dialogue.

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We don't always realize we're chasing something that won't sustain us. At first, it feels like progress. It feels like success. It feels necessary until one day you wake up and realize you've been running full speed towards something that was never real. That's what we're talking about next.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck, let's be real. Most of us already know what we should be doing. We've read the books, watched the videos, maybe even made a list or two. But knowing isn't the problem. It's the doing. In this episode, we're cutting through the fluff and tackling the hard truth, why you're stuck and how to get out of your own way.

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Equip yourself with resources that simplify the process. This could be Cody's deal-making checklist if you're exploring business acquisitions or Kim's radical candor framework to enhance your communication skills. Tools like these provide structure and clarity, making it easier to take action. Fourth, start even when it's messy. Let go of the need for perfection.

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For first-time listeners or those who want to introduce this to a friend or a family member, don't miss our episode starter packs with over 540 episodes. We've curated lists on themes like leadership, mental health, and personal growth to make it easier to dive into the topics that matter most to you. Head over to passionstruck.com slash starter packs or find them on Spotify.

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As BJ Fogg shared, embrace the messy and imperfect start. It's better than not starting at all. Focus on making progress rather than achieving perfection. Remember, every expert was once a beginner. Because here's the thing, the gap between theory and action isn't a wall. It's just a step. and you already have what it takes to climb it.

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The most significant transformations begin with that first, often imperfect, step forward. So sometimes the best way to understand the power of turning theory into action is through a real-life story. Change is a fascinating phenomenon. It feels intangible, elusive, a destination we dream of, but rarely know how to reach.

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But when you break it down, change is less about massive leaps and more about consistent, intentional steps. Nate Dukes, who joined me in episode 69 of the show, is living proof that transformation is possible, no matter how far you've fallen. His story is raw, inspiring, and a roadmap for anyone looking to create their own comeback. So let's talk about Nate's comeback story.

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In his early 20s, Nate Dukes was the picture of outward success. He owned a business and seemed to be thriving, but his life was unraveling behind the scenes. A secret drug addiction consumed him, and his decisions led to broken relationships, jail time, and losing everything he'd worked for. For Nate, rock bottom wasn't a metaphor. It was a jail cell.

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In that stark, quiet space, he was forced to confront a harsh reality. The life he was living wasn't the life he wanted. Faced with this truth, Nate asked himself one pivotal question. What if I could change? The road to transformation wasn't dramatic or instant. Nate didn't wake up with his life figured out. Instead, he started small. He made one better decision. then another.

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He repaired broken relationships, reshaped his mindset, and rebuilt his habits. Each step created momentum, and over time, those small, consistent actions led to a total transformation. Today, Nate is the author of You'll Never Change, a speaker, a minister, and a coach dedicated to helping others rewrite their stories.

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His journey is living proof that even the most difficult circumstances can be overcome with intentional choices and steady progress. Nate's story is more than inspiring. It's a masterclass in moving from knowing to doing. Here's what we can learn. Change starts with a decision. Nate's first step towards transformation is deciding that you want it. For him, that decision happened in jail.

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But for most of us, it could happen anywhere. The key is to recognize that you have the power to choose differently. Second, small wins build momentum. Research shows that the hardest part of any action is simply starting. Nate didn't try to fix everything at once. He focused on small, manageable steps, choosing better habits, making amends, and celebrating incremental progress.

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And if you're ready to take these lessons deeper, sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com. Each week, I'll send you actionable insights and a challenge exercise to help you stay inspired and intentional.

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Those small wins built the momentum that carried him forward. Third, Nate reframed his narrative. One of Nate's biggest breakthroughs was rejecting the lie that he couldn't change. So many of us are trapped by stories we tell ourselves, stories about our limitations, our past failures, or our supposed inability to grow.

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Nate rewrote his narrative, proving that our past doesn't have to define our future. Fourth, Nate taught us to surround yourself with the right people. In his book, Nate emphasizes the importance of stepping away from toxic influences and building a community of support. The people around us shape our beliefs, influence our decisions, and ultimately affect our outcomes.

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If you want to change, you need people who uplift you. This is something I also talk about in the mosquito principle. You got to get rid of those invisible influences who are around you and influencing your path in the wrong direction. Nate's story reminds me of my own journey through transformation. After leaving the military, I found myself in a different kind of valley.

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Transitioning to a corporate career felt daunting. I didn't know where to start, and the gap between where I was and where I wanted to be felt overwhelming. Like Nate, I learned that the key to change wasn't waiting for a perfect moment. It was taking intentional steps, no matter how small.

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It started by reaching out to the Naval Academy Alumni Association, learning that they had a book of all living graduates, which could be used for me to reach out to them to find out if there were any jobs in their companies. That small action of reaching out to alumni graduates led to me finding a job joining Booz Allen, and starting a career in management consulting.

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And just like Nate, I learned that transformation is less about giant leaps and more about consistent, purposeful gains, just as I did by contacting the Academy graduates and finding a job. So what does this mean for you? Nate's story, like the lessons from Cody Sanchez and Kim Scott, proves that transformation doesn't require perfection. It requires progress. So here's my challenge to you.

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Plus, don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel, where you can watch all our episodes, solo insights and highlights to keep your growth journey visual and engaging. Now, let's talk about today's episode. This week, I've been reflecting on a couple of incredible conversations I had with Cody Sanchez and Kim Scott. and how they tie into something I think we've all experienced.

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What's one choice you can make today to rewrite your own story? What's one small action you can take to create momentum? If Nate's journey teaches us anything, it's this. No matter how far you've fallen, change is possible. It starts with a decision and grows with each intentional step you take. So here's the thing.

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Change isn't about being perfect, having all the answers, or waiting for the right moment. It's about showing up even when it feels messy. It's about taking that first small, sometimes scary step and trusting that the path will reveal itself as you move forward.

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We've explored some powerful ideas today from Cody Sanchez's frameworks for financial independence to Kim Scott's tools for building trust and giving feedback. And we heard about Nate Duke's inspiring journey from rock bottom to redemption. Proof that no matter how far you've fallen, transformation is possible when you decide to act. But let's bring this back to you.

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Maybe you're sitting here thinking about a goal you've put off for too long, or a change you've wanted to make but haven't had the courage to start. I get it. Taking that first step is hard. It's vulnerable. It's uncertain. Here's the truth, though. Staying where you are is harder. It's the quiet regret of not trying. The nagging question of what if. The key isn't to overhaul everything at once.

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It's to pick one thing. just one and take a single step toward it send the email read the book have the conversation do it imperfectly but do it because as nate's story tells us small steps compound here's my challenge to you think about what matters most to you right now what's one action no matter how small, that you can take today to move closer to it. Write it down, then take it.

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Not tomorrow, not next week, today. And when you do, let me know. Tag me on social media at John R. Miles or share it with the PassionStruck community. I want to hear about the steps you're taking because every story of progress no matter how small, has the power to inspire someone else.

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To support you in turning ideas into action, I've created a free downloadable resource, the Bridging the Gap Blueprint. This guide provides actionable steps to help you overcome barriers, build momentum, and start making meaningful progress towards your goals. You can download it now on passionstruck.com. along with additional tools and resources designed to inspire and empower your journey.

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If today's episode resonated with you, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review. It's one of the best ways to help others discover the show and join our mission of intentional living. And if you know someone who could benefit from today's message, share this episode with them. Together, we can spread the gift of transformation and purpose.

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I'm also passionate about taking these lessons beyond the podcast. Whether it's through keynote speeches, workshops, or corporate events, I'd love to bring this message of resilience, connection, and psychological wealth to your team or community. Learn more about how we can partner by visiting johnrmiles.com slash speaking.

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You can find links to everything discussed in today's episode in the show notes at passionstruck.com. And don't forget to watch the video version of this episode on our YouTube channel. While you're there, subscribe so you never miss a moment of inspiration. And be sure to check out our sponsors and exclusive deals at passionstruck.com slash deals.

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Supporting those who support the show makes all the difference. Before we wrap up, I'm thrilled to share a teaser for our next episode. I'll be joined by Jessica Zweig, bestselling author of Lightwork. Jessica's insights on embracing authenticity, increasing self-worth, and creating alignment between who you are and how you show up in the world are transformational. You won't want to miss it.

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Now tell me if this sounds familiar. You read a book, watch a TED Talk, or listen to a podcast, and you feel completely inspired. You're ready to take on the world. But then life happens. That inspiration doesn't quite translate into action. It gets stuck in the theory stage. I've been there, and I'm guessing you have too. Here's the thing.

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Thank you for spending your time with me today. Your commitment to living a life of purpose and impact inspires me. And I hope this episode has added value to your journey. Remember, the fee for the show is simple. If you found value here, share it with someone else who might benefit. Let's keep living what we learn. And until next time, live life passion struck.

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Both Cody and Kim bring something really unique to the table. They don't just share big ideas. They give you the tools

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It's not about waiting for motivation or the perfect moment. It's about creating momentum even when you don't feel ready. If you've ever wondered why some people take off and others stay stuck, this is your wake-up call. Tune in to learn how to stop overthinking, start acting, and build the life you've been putting off. This one you don't want to miss. Let's go. Welcome to Passion Struck.

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to actually do something with them cody lays out step-by-step frameworks for building financial freedom by investing in cash-flowing businesses kim she gives you practical ways to give feedback build trust and lead with purpose they don't just leave you inspired they show you how to act so today i want to explore this idea of bridging the gap between knowing and doing

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how do we take those inspiring lessons and actually apply them in our lives together we'll unpack the barriers that hold us back like fear overwhelm and not knowing where to start and find practical ways to move forward i'll weave in insights from cody and kim along with actionable takeaways you can start using today because passion struck isn't about lofty ideas or abstract concepts you

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It's about giving you the tools to make intentional choices and create a life you're truly passionate about living. Are you ready? Let's dive in and make it happen. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin.

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All right, let's talk about something we all struggle with, the gap between knowing and doing. It's easy to get inspired by a great idea, like starting a business or being a better leader, but then nothing happens. The idea just sits there collecting dust while life keeps moving. Sound familiar?

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This week, I had the privilege of talking with two people who don't let ideas stay in the theory phase, Cody Sanchez and Kim Scott. What struck me about both of them is how deeply they care about action, not just talking about big concepts, but actually helping people take meaningful steps to change their lives. Take Cody, for example.

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She's not out here telling people to chase the next tech startup or burn themselves out trying to climb the corporate ladder. Instead, she's focused on something so practical, it's almost boring, buying cash-flowing businesses.

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you know the ones nobody pays attention to plumbing companies cleaning services construction firms cody shows people step by step how to find these businesses evaluate them and make them their own her whole approach is about breaking wealth building into actions you can take starting right now then there's kim scott if you've ever struggled to give someone feedback like you want to be honest but you don't want to come off as a jerk kim gets it

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she's been there her books radical candor and radical respect give you a roadmap for navigating tough conversations without losing the humanity in your relationships one of her core ideas is this balance care personally but challenged directly and the way she explains it through stories frameworks and real life examples makes you feel like yeah i can actually do this here's what ties them together both cody and kim are about moving from ideas to action

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Ideas are great, but they don't matter until we do something with them. Cody helps people take the leap into business ownership. Kim shows leaders how to build trust and respect one conversation at a time. Whether it's buying a business or giving feedback, the magic is in the action. It's not about perfection. It's about starting, learning, and adjusting along the way.

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So here's where I want to go with this today. What's keeping you in the theory phase? What's stopping you from turning knowledge into action? Let's unpack that, and then let's borrow some wisdom from Cody and Kim to figure out how to move forward with intention.

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So let's talk about why so many of us get stuck in the theory phase, you know the one, where we get all fired up about an idea, whether it's starting a business, having a tough conversation, or making a big life change, and then nothing. We stall out. It's frustrating, and it happens to the best of us.

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Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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let's break it down because there are some pretty common culprits that keep us stuck in the theory phase first there's fear of failure or rejection let's be real the idea of failing can be terrifying whether it's launching something that flops or saying something that doesn't land the way you intended the fear of failing flat on your face is enough to paralyze anyone you start thinking what if i try and it doesn't work

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What if people judge me? And just like that, the risk of failing feels bigger than the reward of succeeding. Here's the thing, though. Cody Sanchez didn't build a nine-figure business empire by avoiding risk, and Kim Scott didn't write books on candor and respect by staying quiet. They both leaned into the discomfort of failure because they knew that not trying was the real loss.

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Then there's the second culprit, overwhelm from too much information. Sometimes we get stuck because we don't even know where to start. There's so much information out there, and it can feel like drinking from a fire hose. Should you read another book, take another course, watch more YouTube videos, the more options you have, the harder it feels to pick a direction. This happens

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lot with people who hear about cody's work they think okay buying a business sounds amazing but how do i even start what if i don't have the money what if i mess up and before they know it they're so overwhelmed by the what-ifs that they don't even take the first step then there's the next culprit lack of clear next steps and let's talk about this one because it's huge

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you have this big exciting goal but it feels vague and out of reach like standing at the base of a mountain without a map the result you stay where you are not because you lack ambition but because you're not sure how to move forward this is where cody and kim come in cody gives you a roadmap identify a cash flowing business evaluate it negotiate the deal and scale it kim provides tools like her four quadrants of communication and actionable strategies for giving feedback they both break the processes into smaller manageable steps

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so the mountain doesn't feel so impossible to climb. This idea of combining clarity with intentional action is something I explore deeply in Passion Struck. In the third part of my book, I introduce a concept called the bee and turtle effect.

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It's a principle I've seen in some of the most successful leaders and organizations, and it's about striking the balance between relentless daily productivity and a clear long-term vision. Let me explain. What is the bee and turtle effect? Bees and turtles are very different creatures, but the best entrepreneurs and leaders borrow traits from both to create lasting impact. Think about the bee.

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Worker honeybees are laser focused on their short-term goals. They make more than a hundred foraging trips a day, tirelessly working to meet their daily objectives. Now think about the turtle. Sea turtles are known for their epic migrations, journeys spanning thousands of miles between feeding and nesting grounds. These trips take patience, persistence, and an unwavering focus on the long game.

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The most successful people find ways to embody both the short-term urgency of the bee and the long-term vision of the turtle. So here's a personal story that emphasizes this. I have to admit, I've been stuck in the theory phase myself. Early in my career, I had this big idea for this project that I knew could be a game changer. But every time I sat down to start, I'd freeze.

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What if it doesn't work? What if I'm not ready? Instead of taking action, I kept tweaking the idea, researching more, and waiting for the perfect moment. You know what happened? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Until I finally decided that good enough was better than perfect. Once I started applying the bee and turtle effect, I took the first messy step. Things started to happen.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, passion struck family. Welcome back to Momentum Friday and episode 543.

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So here's a relatable example. This is where Cody's perspective really hits home. A lot of people hear her talk about buying a business and immediately think, this isn't for me. I don't have the money. But Cody would argue it's not a money problem. It's a knowledge problem. Here's what she means. Most people never take action because they don't understand how it works.

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They don't know how to find a business. what financing options are available, or what questions to ask in negotiations. By avoiding the effort to gather that knowledge, they're effectively keeping themselves from the financial freedom they want. It's not that they can't do it, it's that they haven't equipped themselves to take the first step.

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So if you're feeling stuck in the theory phase, you're not alone. It's natural to let fear, overwhelm, or uncertainty hold you back. But here's the truth. Staying stuck doesn't protect you from failure. It guarantees it. The only way forward is to take that first step, no matter how small or imperfect it might be. Next, we're going to break down how to bridge the gap.

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I want to take a closer look at the question, why is action so hard? We know what we need to do, at least in theory, but something keeps us from taking that first step. Cody and Kim have cracked the code on how to bridge that gap between theory and action.

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They've turned complex ideas into practical frameworks that make daunting challenges like buying a business or creating a culture of trust more achievable. Here's how we can apply their wisdom in a step-by-step framework that you can use today. Step one, clarify your vision. The first problem with taking action is that we often don't know what success really looks like.

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We say things like, I want to be financially independent. or I want to be a better leader. But those are abstract ideas, and you can't act on something abstract. Cody is a master at defining success in concrete terms. For her, financial freedom doesn't mean chasing the next big trend or hoping for a viral startup. It's about finding cash-flowing businesses in unglamorous industries.

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It's specific, actionable, and ground in reality. Kim does the same for leadership. Her idea of success is building trust and respect in workplaces, not by avoiding conflict, but by leaning into it with radical candor. Success for Kim is a leader who cares personally while challenging directly. For you, success might mean something completely different, but here's the key.

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Make it clear, make it tangible, and make it personal. Write it down. Not, I want to get fit, but I want to run a 5K in under 30 minutes. Not, I want to be financially free, but I want to replace my salary with income from a business I own. Clarity drives action. Step two, identify the first actionable step. Here's the big secret. Action isn't about solving the whole problem.

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It's about solving the next problem. Cody teaches her audience to start small. If buying a business feels overwhelming, don't buy one tomorrow. Start by identifying an industry that interests you or researching local businesses for sale. Kim applies the same principle to feedback. You don't need to revolutionize your communication style overnight. Start with one conversation.

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Think of someone in your life who could benefit from honest feedback and practice delivering it in a way that's kind and clear. Breaking the goal into smaller, digestible steps makes the process less intimidating and and much more doable. Question isn't, how do I get to the top of the mountain? It's, what's my first step? The third step is to leverage tools and frameworks.

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One of the reasons people like Cody and Kim are so effective is that they don't just inspire action, they simplify it. They give you tools. Cody's deal-making checklist walks you through the process of identifying, evaluating, and negotiating a business deal. Kim's radical candor quadrants help you assess your communication style and adjust it to build trust and respect.

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These frameworks take the guesswork out of the process. They reduce complexity and give you a clear path forward. The takeaway? You don't have to figure it all out on your own. Find the tools and frameworks that align with your goals and use them to take the next step. Step four, embrace imperfection. Here's the part no one likes to hear. Your first step probably won't be perfect.

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I'm so glad you're here with me today. It's always a privilege to spend this time together exploring what it means to live a life of intention and purpose. If you're new here, welcome. You have just stepped into a space dedicated to helping you live a life of meaning, passion, and action. And I'm thrilled to have you.

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And that's okay. Cody often reminds people that the first deal you close probably won't be your best, but it will teach you more than years of waiting ever could. Kim shares stories of leaders who hesitated to give feedback, fearing they'd say the wrong thing, only to learn that imperfect feedback is better than none at all. We often wait for the perfect moment to act.

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The right timing, the right resources, the right circumstances. But perfection is a myth. Progress comes from messy and perfect action. Start small, make mistakes, and learn as you go. So why does this approach work? Behavioral science backs this up. The hardest part of any action is simply starting.

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This is something we've explored on this podcast before, especially in my conversation with Dr. B.J. Fogg in episode 388. Dr. Fogg, the founder of the Behavioral Design Lab at Stanford University and the author of Tiny Habits, emphasizes that starting small is the key to creating lasting change. He says if you plant the right seed in the right spot, it will grow without further coaxing.

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By taking tiny actions, we lower the barrier to entry and make it easier to build momentum. When you take that first step, you set off a chain reaction. Each small win boosts your confidence, and then that confidence propels you to take on bigger challenges. This idea is echoed in Theresa Amabile's Progress Principle,

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which highlights how even minor progress can significantly enhance motivation and creativity. She notes, of all the things that can boost emotions, motivation, and perceptions during a workday, the single most important is making progress in meaningful work. Cody and Kim understand this deeply. Their frameworks aren't just about reaching a destination,

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They're about creating a journey where each step builds upon the last. By breaking down ambitious goals into manageable actions, they help us overcome inertia and make consistent progress. So why does this work? Because it transforms overwhelming tasks into achievable actions. It shifts our mindset from, I have to do everything, to, I can do this one thing right now.

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This approach leverages the power of small wins to create sustainable momentum. So let's turn this insight into action. Here's your chat. challenge. First, define your vision. What does success look like for you? Be specific. Instead of saying, I want to improve my leadership skills, consider, I want to foster a team culture where open feedback is encouraged. Write it down and make it tangible.

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Second, pick one small step. Identify the next immediate action you can take, not the entire plan, just the very next step. If your goal is financial independence, perhaps your first step is to read an article about acquiring small businesses. If you want to improve your relationships, maybe it's scheduling a conversation with someone to practice radical candor. Third, use a tool.

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It gets even worse than that. The belonging barometer, which is created by the American Immigration Council, recently published that 64% of workers in the United States don't feel like they are seen or they belong in the workplace. And the studies on loneliness are showing that 54% of people feel lonely at some point. These to me are symptomatic of a bigger issue that's going on.

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Christy is a globally respected leadership advisor, former managing principal at Deloitte, and has worked with iconic companies like Apple, Accenture, and more. Her insights have been featured in Harvard Business Review, The New York Times, and Forbes, and today she brings her powerful perspective to PassionStruck.

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And the world right now is facing division, as you brought up. It's facing a whole shift in how we're working, how we're communicating with people. And a lot of what your book speaks to ties very closely with the work of Edward Deasy and Richard Ryan's self-determination theory, where they found that intrinsic motivation really was dependent on autonomy, mastery, and connection.

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So very much coincides with the four things in your book. But I think we are overbalancing on agency at the expense of connection in some ways. And where I'm going with this is if you think about work for the past hundreds of years, Many people found their best friends at work. Many people got married because of a work environment. There was like a family.

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So work in many ways, people would stay, like my grandfather was at Kraft for 40 years. He worked with the same people for decades and decades. If you think about how humans grew up, we really started in small groups or villages. And for many, the work environment was another extension of that village.

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And people in your work environment, because they stayed in the same company for so many years, cared about you. There was this feeling that you belonged. And Now, it's almost like being a professional athlete where people are just leaving jobs at the highest bidder and we've lost this connection and the village is evolving so much that

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you don't have that same feel and you couple that with the outsourcing that's going on and then the post pandemic restructuring of the whole workforce and the village is gone. It's now become a global village. So I put that all as a backdrop

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For the demands that are put on leaders today, it is so different from when I was leading teams at Lowe's and Dell, when we were dealing with offshoring, but we still had a huge amount of workers who were there. How does a leader start to approach this? Because when you think about it, it's just staggering what they're having to jump into these days.

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In this conversation, we explore how to lead with intentionality, empathy, and authentic power, even in a world that feels increasingly disconnected. We dig into why soft skills are actually power skills and how to develop them, how distributed teams and AI are challenging everything we know about leadership. We go into the new pillars of human-centered organizations,

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trust, well-being, and psychological safety, and how to create environments where people truly matter and thrive because of it. Christy doesn't just talk about theory. She brings real-world strategies for building purpose-driven cultures that adapt, inspire, and endure. But before we dive in, let's reflect on the interviews from earlier this week here on PassionStruck.

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Chrissy, thank you for bringing that up. And I'm not sure what your experience was like, but when I was at Dell, the way that they operated was we had to have at least 12 direct reports and they typically wanted 16. And I remember I just got to this point where everything that I was doing was either, like you're talking about, looking at output, dealing with HR issues or dealing with

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the politics that were happening because we had forced rankings so you knew 20 of the people that you were working with were going to be gone including the leaders you were working with it just made it so difficult to find any time to truly be present and i found one of the most important

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things I learned from being in the military was the greatest leaders speak with their feet and they are on the floor. They are interacting with the front lines. They're getting a pulse of everyone from the lowest person in the organization to the highest and understanding what the pulse of the organization is like.

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And so what I have been calling for, because most of my life I was a servant leader and I don't think it suits the environment today is something I call a gardener leader, which is very similar to what you're talking about. Meaning similar to a gardener, you have to really nurture your crops, but you can't expect to stand over them all times. So I really call this eyes on, but hands off and, uh,

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On Tuesday, I was joined by Dr. Tasha Yorick to explore her brand-new book, Shatterproof, a deeply insightful roadmap on how to move beyond grit and build true resilience. Then on Thursday, Dr. Gregory Walton shared the science of belonging, ordinary magic, and how small acts can create seismic change in our lives, classrooms, and communities.

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key component of this is you got to inspire your people through a noble mission, what you were talking about with purpose. You have to put the team first at all costs. But one of the most important thing is you need to be ambitious. A leader in the future cannot have an ego or you're just going to go to the wayside. So I love what you're saying there.

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So thank you for creating this new model because I completely agree with it.

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It really is a fundamental shift. And I'm not sure if you've heard of, I think that it's called the B team. It's this organization that Sir Richard Branson was forming. Mark Benioff is one of the people on it.

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And what they were trying to do is to get the leaders of the biggest companies to stop making shareholder value and top line, bottom line, the major metrics that were governing whether a company was successful or not. So that sounds like it aligns with what you're saying.

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Well, I would agree with that. And I hope companies go that way because as those who are public, it is quarter by quarter and it's very difficult to get that out of the environment, which is why when I got involved in private equity, I liked working in that environment better because it tended to be

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even though they were looking at a shorter duration, it tended to be longer term thinking because you weren't held to the same market demands.

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And if you're new to the podcast, we've created episode starter packs to help you dive deeper, exploring curated themes like emotional resilience, personal mastery, and intentional leadership. You can find those on Spotify or at passionstruck.com slash starter packs.

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want more tools to grow intentionally be sure to sign up for my live intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com and if you'd rather watch today's conversation check out our growing community on youtube now let's dive into this powerful conversation on what it means to lead and live with humanity at the core here's my discussion with dr christy smith thank you for choosing passionstruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life now let that journey begin

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Couldn't agree more. So Christy, I had the privilege over the past couple of years of interviewing Gary Vaynerchuk and Claude Silver. And I'm not sure if you're familiar with Claude Silver, but as far as I know, when Gary created the position of chief heart officer, I think she was the first one ever in that position.

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And to me, I have always felt when I would look at the chief human resources officer, I thought that there were two different types. And I might be unfair when I say this, but there was the one type who really was all about what the book said you should do, a focus on numbers. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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I am so excited today to have Dr. Christy Smith on PassionStruck. Welcome Christy.

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Thank you. Thank you.

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Well, as you and I were getting to know each other a little bit before the episode, I think we felt like kindred spirits. We both spent time in management consulting and in big four accounting firms and in tech companies. So we have an overlap in our backgrounds.

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Thank you.

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It is very surprising, in fact. I know you do a ton of work in DEI and you have seen the transformation that's occurred over the past decade. What do you think are some of the brightest spots on the horizon?

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Where does this next generation focus their skill set so that they don't feel they're going to become obsolete? And I would throw that over to you.

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I think this goes hand in hand with an interview I did with Professor Emma Sapella, where she really talked about we need to really think about how technology can connect us or disconnect us and really focus on how it connects us.

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Now, the last question I wanted to ask you, and I'm going to go back to your book, is you write in the end, we must honor our people by recognizing what we covered today. that purpose, agency, well-being, and connection are not just encouraged but required for the future of business. It is in these environments that workers thrive, innovation flourishes, and organizational goals

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are met with unprecedented success. So my question to you would be, if that's the goal of the book, what is a step that a listener today can do to further them on this mission?

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Welcome to passion struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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Christy, thank you so much for spending your time with me today and for you and your co-author coming out with this amazing book. Where are the best places that people can learn more about you and what you're up to?

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Well, Christy, thank you so much. It was such an honor and you've had such an amazing career. So I feel very fortunate to have you on the show today.

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And that's a wrap. What an incredible conversation with Dr. Christy Smith. Her insights on human powered leadership offer a refreshing and much needed perspective in today's world of work. From redefining soft skills as power skills to cultivating purpose and connection in distributed teams, Christy's wisdom provides a powerful framework for transforming the workplace and ourselves.

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As we wrap up, take a moment to reflect on some of the key takeaways from today's episode. How can you bring more humanity into your leadership or interactions? What steps can you take to create environments of trust, psychological safety, and growth? And how can we as individuals and leaders foster connection and purpose in an increasingly digital and fragmented world?

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If this conversation resonated with you, I'd be honored if you left a five-star rating and review. Your support helps grow this movement and ensures that more people can discover these life-changing insights. All the resources we discussed today, including Christie's new book, Essential, are available in the show notes at passionstruck.com. Want to dive even deeper?

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Watch the full video version of this episode on the John R. Miles YouTube channel and be sure to hit subscribe so you never miss a moment. And if you're looking to bring these insights into your team, organization, or event, visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn how we can collaborate to drive intentional change together.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck, I sit down with the one and only Humble the Poet to discuss his newest book, Unanxious, and how overachievers can finally feel less stress and more calm. We explore identity, letting go of pressure, and why peace is found not in perfection, but in presence. You won't want to miss this conversation.

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Thank you for being part of the Passion Struck community. Your commitment to growth, to intentional living, and to making what matters truly matter inspires me every single day. And remember, the fee for this show is simple. If you found value in today's episode, share it with someone who needs to hear it. Until next time, live life Passion Struck.

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So today we are going to be discussing your book, Essential, which congratulations on its release. I know what it's like to put one of these in the world. You must at this point be a little bit nervous and in full relief.

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Well, it's fantastic. You got endorsements from Adam Grant and many other leaders, lots of great names associated with it to help bolster its success. Congratulations on that as well. So your book is really exploring this whole idea of human powered leadership. And I asked you that question on DEI to start out on purpose because I think the two intersect and I wanted to get your ideas on that.

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey, PassionStruck fam, welcome to episode 594.

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It's interesting. I came out with a book last year myself, and I opened it up in many of the same ways. I was talking about this thing that I found called social cycle theory, where history tends to repeat itself.

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I feel we are doing this major change where for a long time people have worked in these big companies, but now people are waking up to the fact of how disposable they are and AI and other things are only making that come about in a quicker way. And so I projected that more and more people were going to become independent operators, akin to what a blacksmith was or a printer back in the day.

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But now they're going to be using digital skills to do the same thing. And I don't think companies or governments are prepared for this onslaught of change that's coming. And so I completely agree with you that leadership is going to take on a completely different dimension. Is that pretty consistent to what you're seeing?

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Not only does it require a different type of leadership, but it requires us as individuals to to maximize the one gift that I think that separates us from everyone else. And that is we were built to become the ultimate learning machine. And I think,

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it is important, regardless of what age you are, but especially for the younger generations, like my son who's 26 and my daughter who's soon to be 21, coming into the workforce to realize they're gonna have to reinvent themselves countless time.

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And the only way to stay ahead of this onslaught is to learn to become someone who is capable of learning new things all the time and staying ahead of the curve. Which means if you're a leader, You've got to do that and then learn how to lead those people.

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Whether you've been with us for a while or you're tuning in for the first time, I am absolutely thrilled you're here. You're now part of a global movement dedicated to igniting purpose, unlocking potential, and creating a more intentional human-powered future. So let me ask you this. What if the greatest disruption in business isn't AI, it's a crisis of human connection?

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I think that is a great setup for this deeper discussion in humanity and leadership. Because what you're arguing is that it's essential to save the workplace. So I think where we need to begin this discussion is what does humanity and leadership look like? And how is it different from leadership in the past?

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What if the leadership skills we once dismissed as soft are now the most essential powers for thriving in a fractured, fast-changing world? That's exactly what today's guest, Dr. Christy Smith, unpacks in her groundbreaking new book, Essential, how distributed teams, generative AI, and global shifts are creating a new human-powered leadership.

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Coming up next on PassionStruck, as we step into 2025, I want to ask you something. What if the goals you didn't reach, the plans that didn't unfold, and the cracks in your year aren't failures at all? What if they're part of something deeper, an opportunity to see life in a whole new way?

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They're also how you show others they matter, how you create connection. foster understanding, and leave an impact that goes far beyond yourself. As you move into 2025, remember this. You don't have to fix every crack or smooth over every imperfection. The cracks aren't flaws. They're proof of life, of effort, of progress. They're where the light gets in and where the connections happen.

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Because in the end, it's not about perfection. It's about showing up, embracing your humanity, and living a life that truly matters. And if you want to take these lessons and apply them in a bigger way, I've created a guide for you that goes with this episode. You can find it at the end of the episode show notes.

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So throughout this episode, we've explored how Wabi Sabi helps us reflect on the past, embrace the present, and set intentions for the future. But the cracks in your life aren't just about personal growth. They're also where you create meaning and connection with others. Wabi Sabi teaches us that we matter not because we're perfect, but because we're human.

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It's in the imperfect, unpolished moments that we forge the deepest bonds and leave the most lasting impact. The truth is, you don't need to fix every crack or smooth over every imperfection to matter. You just need to show up as you are.

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let's explore how embracing this philosophy can deepen your relationships your growth and your sense of self so let's first talk about mattering in relationships we all want to matter to the people in our lives to feel seen valued and connected but real connection doesn't come from trying to be perfect it comes from showing up flaws and all think about it the heartfelt apology after a fight the laugh you shared over something completely ridiculous the moment you admitted you didn't have it all together and let someone else step in to help these aren't picture-perfect moments

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but they're the glue that holds relationships together. They're what makes people feel seen, valued, and loved. Wabi Sabi reminds us that it's these small, imperfect moments that often matter most. Not grand gestures or flawless execution, but the quiet ways we show up for one another. So here's what you can do. Reflect on one imperfect moment that strengthened a relationship this past year.

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Ask yourself, How can I show others they matter? Not by being perfect, but by being present. Now I want to examine mattering in your growth. Let's abandon the myth that personal growth is about becoming some idealized, polished version of yourself. Growth isn't a straight line. It's messy, full of detours, setbacks, and lessons learned the hard way.

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If you're looking to start the year lighter, more focused, and more intentional, Her episode is a must-listen. Then, on Thursday, Carrie Lebowitz joined me to discuss how cultivating a mindset of resilience and positivity can profoundly impact your well-being. Her insights into reframing challenges and embracing optimism provide powerful tools for navigating the year ahead.

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But it's precisely these imperfections that make your journey meaningful. Wabi Sabi teaches us that the cracks in our stories are not flaws to hide, but essential parts of our unique value. They're the golden seams that hold our experiences together, adding depth and authenticity to who we are. Think about the struggles you faced last year.

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Maybe you didn't reach a goal, or you hit a wall that forced you to pivot. These moments didn't diminish your value, they defined it. They're proof that you're evolving, learning, and becoming more resilient. So here's what you can do. Reflect on a setback from last year that ended up teaching you something important.

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Then ask yourself, how can I honor the messy parts of my journey as necessary steps toward growth? And now let's look at mattering and reflection. When we reflect on the year, it's tempting to focus on the big wins or milestones that seem worth celebrating. But Wabi Sabi reminds us that meaning often lies in the unfinished, imperfect moments we tend to overlook.

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think about the small ways you showed up for others even when it felt like they weren't enough the kind words you offered when someone needed them most the effort you made even when you felt like giving up these moments of honesty and vulnerability often leave the biggest impact not just on others but on you sometimes it's in admitting

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I don't have it at all figured out that you allow others to see the humanity in you and feel less alone themselves. These cracks in your story, however unpolished, are where true connection happens. So here's what you can do. Reflect on one imperfect moment from 2024 that created a meaningful connection or left a lasting impression. Maybe it's something that didn't feel significant at the time.

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but in hindsight had a ripple effect on someone else's life or your own. Ask yourself, how have my struggles, vulnerabilities, or unfinished moments allowed me to connect more deeply with others? When you think about mattering, really think about it. It's not about monumental achievements or being flawless. It's about the quiet, imperfect ways you touch the lives of others.

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It's about the ways your cracks make space for others to bring their whole and perfect selves into the world. As you step into 2025, let Wabi Sabi remind you that you don't have to have it all together to make a difference. You don't need to fix every crack or smooth over every flaw to matter. You just need to show up as you are, cracks and all.

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Because, in the end, the cracks aren't just where the light gets in. They're where the story unfolds, where growth happens, and where you truly matter. Here we are, standing at the beginning of 2025, with the past behind us, the present unfolding around us, and the future stretching out ahead. As you take your first steps into the new year, remember what we've uncovered together.

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Life's beauty doesn't lie in perfection. It's in the cracks. in the messy, unfinished, and fleeting moments that shape us, connect us, and remind us of what truly matters. Looking back at 2024, your cracks were your teachers. They revealed your resilience, your strength, and your ability to adapt when things didn't go as planned. They weren't detours from the story. They were the story.

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Every challenge, every misstep, every unfinished chapter taught you something about who you are and what you value. In the present, those cracks are your companions. They remind you to stay rooted in the here and now, to embrace the chaos instead of resisting it, and to find meaning in the moments where nothing feels quite complete.

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If you missed either of these episodes, I highly encourage you to go back and check them out. They set the stage perfectly for today's discussion. For anyone new to the show, navigating through over 550 episodes might feel overwhelming, but we've got you covered.

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They ask you to show up authentically, not perfectly, for yourself and for the people who matter most. These moments of presence, flawed and real, are where connection lives. And as you look to the future, the cracks offer a gift, the freedom to let go of the impossible pursuit of perfection.

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They challenge you to set goals that reflect your deepest values, to lean into progress over perfection, and to trust that the journey, with all its imperfections, is enough. The future doesn't demand that you be flawless. It asks only that you keep moving forward, one imperfect step at a time. So, as you move into 2025, my invitation to you is this— Stop striving to smooth over the cracks.

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Instead, embrace them. Let them remind you that life isn't perfect, and it doesn't need to be. Let them guide you as you reflect on the lessons of the past, show up authentically in the present, and dream imperfectly but boldly about the future. Because the cracks aren't just where the light gets in, they're where you shine.

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And that's a wrap on today's episode and on our first solo episode of 2025. I hope this exploration of wabi-sabi, imperfection, and mattering has inspired you to approach the new year with a fresh perspective and renewed purpose. If today's message resonated with you, I'd deeply appreciate it if you could take a moment to leave a five-star rating and review.

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It's one of the most impactful ways to help others discover the show and join us on this journey of intentional living and growth. If you know someone who might benefit from this episode, maybe someone striving for perfection or struggling to embrace life's imperfections, please share it with them. Together we can spread these transformative ideas and create a ripple effect of positive change.

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As we kick off this new year, I'm excited to continue bringing you content that inspires, challenges, and equips you to live a life of intention and impact. If you're looking to bring these principles into your team, organization, or community, I'd love to partner with you on keynote speeches, workshops, or events.

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Visit johnrmiles.com slash speaking to learn more about how we can work together to ignite purpose and growth in 2025. For links, resources, and exercises from today's discussion, head to the show notes at passionstruck.com. Don't forget to watch the video version of this episode on our YouTube channels. And while you're there, hit subscribe so you'll never miss an episode or highlight.

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Visit passionstruck.com slash starter packs or check out our Spotify playlist to find curated themes like mindset, personal growth, alternative health, and resilience. It's the perfect way to jumpstart your journey with Passion Struck. And don't forget to sign up for my Live Intentionally newsletter at passionstruck.com.

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Supporting the show is easy. Check out our sponsors and exclusive deals at passionstruck.com slash deals. It's a great way to support those who support us and keep this content coming to you every week. Before we go, here's a preview of next week's episode. I'll be joined by Max Lugavere, a leading voice in nutrition and brain health.

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Max will share his groundbreaking insights on optimizing your mind and body for the year ahead. And we also get into his new documentary on Alzheimer's disease.

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Thank you for choosing to spend your time with me today. Your commitment to learning, growing, and living a life that matters inspires me every single day. I hope this episode has added value to your journey and reminded you that mattering isn't something to wait for. It's something you create. And remember, the fee for the show is simple.

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If you found value here, share it with someone who might benefit. Until next time, keep leaning into joy, curiosity, and purpose. And as always, live life, passion's front.

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In this episode, we're exploring the ancient philosophy of wabi-sabi, a perspective that challenges us to embrace imperfection, appreciate the fleeting nature of life, and find meaning in the unfinished. If you've ever felt weighed down by the pressure to be perfect, this conversation is for you. Welcome to Passion Struck.

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Every week, I share actionable insights, tools, and strategies to help you thrive. Plus, subscribe to our YouTube channels for episode highlights and engaging content that helps you live with intention. Now, let's dive into today's episode. Here we are.

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It's 2025, another year, another round of obsessing over what we did wrong, what we didn't do enough of, and why we're still not the perfectly polished version of ourselves that Instagram says we should be. Sound familiar? Yeah. Same here.

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But before you dive headfirst into another January filled with guilt-driven resolutions and toxic productivity hacks, let's take a breath, because here's the thing. Perfection is a lie, and chasing it will only leave you exhausted, disappointed, and still scrolling TikTok at 2 a.m., wondering why your life doesn't look like everyone else's highlight reel.

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In our last episode, I talked about A Christmas Carol. You know, that story with the ghost of Christmas past, present, and future, and how it's really about one thing, mattering. It's about realizing that your life has meaning, even if it's messy, complicated, or full of screw-ups. It's about the small ways you show up for people, and how those moments ripple outward.

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Now, I want to build on that idea with something the Japanese figured out centuries ago, wabi-sabi. It's a philosophy that says, hey,

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life is imperfect things fall apart and guess what that's actually beautiful it's about embracing the cracks instead of trying to plaster over them finding meaning in the fleeting moments and learning to see the value in what's unfinished so as we kick off 2025 let's not waste time pretending we're going to be perfect this year Instead, let's try something better.

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Let's stop beating ourselves up over the messy parts of our lives. They're what make us human. Let's learn to appreciate the transient, fleeting moments that actually matter. And let's set goals that aren't about impressing anyone, but instead focus on what really makes us feel alive. Here's the harsh truth. No one has their shit together, not fully.

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And that's okay because the cracks, the imperfections, The so-called flaws are where the good stuff happens. That's what Wabi Sabi is all about. And that's what this episode is going to explore. So let's stop thriving for some fake ideal of perfection and start embracing the chaos. Because in that chaos, there's meaning. And that meaning, that's where we truly matter.

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Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. Here's the thing. Perfection is a lie. It's something we've all been trained to chase. This mythical state where everything we do is flawless. Everything we want is achieved and everything we are is exactly right.

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But life doesn't work like that. And honestly, that's a good thing. Looking back on 2024, some cracks in my year were beyond my control. Losing my sister Carolyn to cancer wasn't just devastating. It was a reminder that life is fragile, messy, and painfully short. Then there was Hurricane Helene, which upended my home and forced me to start over in ways I never expected.

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Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.

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These events left me no choice but to accept what I couldn't control, to learn from the chaos, and to focus on what truly mattered. But not all cracks come from outside ourselves. Some are the result of choices we make, or don't make. This past year, I had plans that didn't materialize, not because of circumstances, but because of my own follow-through.

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I wanted to learn Spanish, but my consistency wavered. I told myself I'd attend Toastmasters regularly, but other priorities took over. My exercise routine started strong and then slowly fell apart. These cracks weren't inevitable. They were moments where I could have done better, but didn't. At first, these cracks, whether imposed on me or created by my own actions, looked like failures.

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But as I reflect, I see something different. I see resilience in the way I navigated what I couldn't control. I see effort in the plans I attempted, even if they didn't unfold perfectly. And I see lessons in the imperfections, reminders that growth doesn't require perfection. It requires showing up, trying, and caring.

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Whether the cracks were forced upon me or the result of my own choices, they all taught me something valuable. Your cracks are not something to fix or hide. They're golden seams that give your life depth, authenticity, and meaning. Wabi Sabi gets this. It's about stepping back and saying, okay, this isn't what I planned. It's not perfect, but maybe it doesn't need to be.

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It's about finding beauty in the cracks, in the mess and chaos, because that's where the growth happens. Think about it. When was the last time you grew as a person because everything was easy and perfect? Probably never. Take a moment and reflect on the hardest parts of 2024. The mistakes, the things that didn't go as planned, the moments when you thought,

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What the hell is even happening right now? Now, ask yourself, what did those moments teach me? How did they shape me? What did they reveal about who I am and what matters most to me? The truth is, we matter not because we're perfect, but because we're real. The cracks in our lives are proof that we've lived, that we've tried, and that we've cared.

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And that's worth more than any picture-perfect version of success. So as we move into 2025, I'm challenging you and myself to stop chasing this idea of perfection. Instead, let's own our cracks. Let's embrace the fact that life is messy and unpredictable. Let's find meaning in the chaos and beauty in the imperfection.

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Because when you stop trying to make everything perfect, you free yourself to focus on what really matters. growth, connection, and living with purpose. The cracks aren't flaws, they're features. They're what make you human. And in a world obsessed with perfection, that's a damn good thing. All right, so we've reflected on the cracks of the past, the moments that shaped us despite their messiness.

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Now let's turn to the future. It's 2025, and you probably have goals, dreams, and things you want to achieve. How do you approach them without falling back into the same old trap of chasing perfection? Here's the key. Set imperfect goals, goals that are rooted in purpose and intention, not improving something to yourself or worse to other people. Think about it. How often have you set a goal?

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If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Welcome back everyone to another Momentum Friday in episode 555.

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Not because it was meaningful, but because it looked good on paper. Maybe it was losing a certain amount of weight, hitting a specific income milestone or landing that promotion. But halfway through the year, you realize you didn't actually care about the goal itself. What you really wanted was to feel confident, secure, or fulfilled. The goal was just a placeholder for something deeper.

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This is where Wabi Sabi can change the game. Instead of aiming for the perfect end result, focus on the process. Set goals that allow room for imperfection, growth, and discovery along the way. Here's how to do it. First, make your goals flexible. Life is unpredictable, and rigid goals are a recipe for frustration.

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Instead of saying, I'm going to read 52 books this year, try, I want to spend more time learning and reflecting through reading. This way, your goal adapts to your life, not the other way around. Second, focus on what matters. Ask yourself, why does this goal matter to me? If you don't have a compelling reason, it's probably not worth your time.

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Wabi Sabi is about finding meaning in the things that truly resonate with you, not the stuff you think you're supposed to care about. Third, embrace progress over perfection. Every step forward counts. even if it's messy. Maybe you miss a week at the gym or screw up a big project at work. So what? The goal isn't to avoid mistakes. It's to learn from them and keep moving.

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Fourth, celebrate the long game. We live in a world obsessed with instant results, but the best things in life take time. Whether it's a career goal, a creative project, or personal growth, focus on building something that lasts. Success isn't about quick wins. It's about creating something meaningful. Here's an example from my own life. My book, Passion Struck, came out last year.

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And let me tell you, writing it was just the beginning of the challenge. Marketing it, that was a whole different beast. Far more difficult than I expected. And if my goal had been to hit a bestseller list, I probably would have driven myself insane. But that wasn't my goal. My goal was to create something that could stay on the test of time.

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something with a long tail that would continue to resonate with readers years from now. I wasn't chasing a fleeting moment of glory. I was focused on creating lasting impact. And you know what? That mindset made all the difference.

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It gave me the freedom to focus on what truly mattered, connecting with my audience and sharing the book's message without getting bogged down by arbitrary benchmarks or external validation. What I've learned is this. Life doesn't demand perfection. It demands presence. It's in the messy, unfinished moments that we connect, grow, and find what truly matters.

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This is what Wabi Sabi teaches us, to focus on the process, to embrace imperfection, and to find meaning in what we're building, even if it doesn't look exactly how we thought it would. So as you think about your goals for 2025, ask yourself, what cracks am I willing to embrace in this process? How can I focus on the long-term value instead of the short-term payoff?

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Imperfect goals aren't failures. They're freedom. Freedom to try, to fail, and to grow. So let's make 2025 the year we stop striving for perfect and start striving for purpose. Because when you focus on what really matters, the cracks become part of the masterpiece. So we've reflected on the past and talked about setting imperfect goals for the future. But here's the thing.

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The real growth, the real work, happens in the present. As spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle emphasizes, realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the now the primary focus of your life. Life isn't waiting for you to get everything perfectly aligned before it starts throwing curveballs your way. Even with the best of intentions, things don't always go as planned.

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And that's exactly where Wabi Sabi shines. Here's the deal. Life doesn't care about your spreadsheets, your vision boards, or your perfectly crafted five-year plan. It's messy. It's chaotic, and no matter how much you try to control it, you're going to hit roadblocks, detours, and moments where you wonder if you're even on the right track.

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But instead of fighting that mess, what if you leaned into it? What if you looked at that mess not as something to fix, but as something to learn from? Wabi Sabi teaches us to see imperfections, impermanence, and incompleteness as opportunities for growth and connection. It challenges us to stop clinging to some ideal version of how things should be and instead embrace what is.

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Whether you're a longtime listener or brand new to the show, I'm thrilled to have you here as we kick off this first Momentum Friday of 2025. This is the place where we challenge conventional thinking, dive into intentional living, and explore what it means to lead a life of purpose and impact.

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Here's how to take this mindset into your present and find meaning in the mess. First, reflect on your imperfections. Let's start with the hard stuff. The moments in 2024 that didn't go the way you hoped. Maybe a project fell through, a relationship hit a rough patch, or a personal goal felt like it slipped further away.

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Instead of seeing those moments as failures, Wabi Sabi invites you to ask, what did I learn? How did this help me grow? For me, one of the biggest lessons came from marketing my book. There were moments when I felt stuck, unsure I was making an impact. But those challenges forced me to get crystal clear on what mattered, creating something meaningful that would last.

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The so-called imperfections weren't failures. They were feedback. So stop chasing perfection. and start owning your cracks. Because they're not just part of your story. They're where the story truly begins. So here's what you can do. Grab a journal and write about one moment from 2024 that didn't go as planned. What did you learn? How did it shape your perspective or your approach to life?

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The goal isn't to sugarcoat the experience. It's to find the lessons hiding in the cracks. The second step is to embrace life's impermanence. Here's a truth we all resist. Nothing lasts forever. The wins, the losses, the goals we hit, and the ones we didn't, they're all temporary. Wabi Sabi invites us to accept this reality instead of clinging to it or trying to control it.

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When you let go of the need for permanence, you make space for something new. Ask yourself, what am I holding on to that no longer serves me? What can I let go of to create room for growth? For me, letting go meant releasing the pressure to achieve short-term results and trusting in the long game. It wasn't about hitting a bestseller list.

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It was about creating a book that would resonate for years to come. Wabi Sabi reminds us that life's beauty isn't in its perfection, but in its impermanence, its incompleteness. and its cracks. So here's what you can do. Make a list of things you're ready to let go of, whether it's old goals, habits, or expectations.

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Consider how letting go of these attachments can make space for something new and more aligned with who you are now. And then third, find meaning in incompleteness. Life is a work in progress, and so are you. Wabi Sabi reminds us that incompleteness isn't failure, it's an opportunity. When you stop obsessing over tying up every loose end, you start appreciating the journey itself.

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And what better way to start the new year than by reflecting on the lessons, insights, and opportunities that lie ahead. Before we dive into today's episode, let's take a moment to recap this week's incredible guests. On Tuesday, I spoke with Shira Gill, who shared practical strategies for decluttering your life, not just your physical spaces, but your mental and emotional ones too.

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Ask yourself, what areas of my life feel incomplete, and how can I appreciate them for what they are? For me, marketing my book wasn't about achieving some perfect endpoint. It was about connecting with readers, sharing the message, and trusting the process. Every conversation, every new reader, every small win, it's all mattered. even if the end wasn't neatly tied up. So here's what you can do.

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Look at the areas of your life that feel unfinished. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on making small, intentional steps forward. Progress over perfection. Reflect on how these unfinished chapters contribute to your larger story. When you start to see your imperfections, the impermanence of life, and the incompleteness of your journey as features, not flaws, you unlock a

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whole new way of looking at the year ahead. Wabi Sabi isn't about pretending everything's fine or letting yourself off the hook. It's about working with the mess, finding meaning in it, and realizing that the cracks are what make the picture whole. And here's the best part. Those cracks, those messy, imperfect moments aren't just about your own growth.

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Coming up next on Passion Struck, what if the most important part of your life wasn't visible? Not your goals, not your productivity, but the quiet system underneath it all. In episode 606, I'm diving into the part we rarely talk about, your mental health, not in crisis terms, not in clinical language, as the baseline for connection, creativity, purpose, and resilience.

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Mental health doesn't explode, it erodes. And the longer you avoid it, the harder it becomes to find your way back. If you're hearing this and something inside is nodding quietly, listen to that. Not because you're falling apart, but because you shouldn't have to get to the edge to justify taking care of your mind. You don't get away with ignoring your inner life.

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You just delay the impact and multiply the cost. And this leads us to truth number four. If you want a meaningful life, mental health isn't optional. It's step one. We spend so much time trying to build meaningful lives through success, service, legacy, and growth. But here's the truth most of us overlook. If your inner life is unstable, your outer life can't hold you.

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And this reminds me of the book by Gretchen Rubin, who I interviewed earlier this week. She talks about... Outer order creates inner calm. And mental health ties into that because it isn't a side goal. It's the foundation everything else stands on. And I don't just mean that in a quote unquote self-care way. I mean that in the most practical, long-term, purpose-driven way possible.

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When your mental health is steady, you have space to reflect. You're more present with the people you care about. You don't just react, you respond. You don't just endure, you build. And when it's fragile, everything feels heavier than it should. Even good things don't land the way that they used to. You start surviving your life instead of living it.

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I know what it feels like to try and build from that place, to keep stacking goals, projects, wins on top of a foundation that's quietly caving in. It doesn't work because a meaningful life isn't just built from the outside in, it's built from the inside out. And that means mental health can't be something we circle back to once things get calmer. It has to be step one. Why?

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Because meaning isn't just about what we do, it's about whether we believe we matter while we're doing it. And that brings us back to something I talked about in episode 600 on serendipity. In that episode, I talked about the idea that serendipity isn't just magic. It's a mirror, a reflection of how present we are, how willing we are to notice the small, meaningful cues life offers us.

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But here's what I didn't say out loud then and what I want to say now. That presence, that noticing, that ability to feel connected to those moments It only happens when your internal world isn't underwater, which brings me to what I call the mattering mental health loop. And here's how it works. When we believe we matter, we stay emotionally engaged.

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When we're engaged, we notice more about ourselves and about others. And that noticing helps us respond with care. And care reinforces connection. And connection reminds us that we matter. That's the loop. But the reverse is also true. When we start to question our worth, we disengage. We stop noticing. We stop connecting. And the world feels flatter, colder, more fragmented.

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And here at PassionStruck, we're dedicating the month's episodes to the conversations that often go unsaid. We kicked off the week with two powerful interviews. On Tuesday, I sat down with Gretchen Rubin for live taping in front of 200 plus people, diving into the secrets of adulthood and the small truths and big realizations that shape a meaningful life. Then on Thursday...

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Not because life got worse. but because we started feeling like we didn't count anymore. So let's come back to where this all began, that 34-week discipleship course, that quiet sense of calling I couldn't quite make sense of, that feeling that I was meant to help the lonely, the bored, the broken, the invisible.

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What I didn't realize then, but I know now, is that the person I was being called to help was also me, and that I was being asked to understand something deeper, that mental health isn't just about healing, it's about anchoring. It's the thread that runs through everything that matters, because mental health doesn't always break loudly. Sometimes it drifts.

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Until one day, you realize you don't quite feel like yourself anymore. And if we want to live lives of meaning, not just motion, we have to treat mental health as the starting point, not the side note. That's why all month long, we're diving deep into what truly sustains us.

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Coming up in this special Mental Health Month series, I'll be covering the mental health habits that anchor you in uncertain times, how to reframe your inner world for growth and resilience, and how to build a mental health ecosystem that honors who you are. So stay tuned for my solo episodes in the coming weeks.

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And if today's conversation sparked something in you, I hope you'll join us inside the Ignition Room, our private community where we go beyond the episodes and into real meaningful dialogue. If today's episode resonated, please take a moment to leave a five-star rating or share it with someone else you care about. It's the easiest way to help us spread this movement to those who need it most.

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And if you're looking to bring these ideas into your organization, leadership team, or event, you can find more about my keynotes and workshops at johnrmiles.com slash speaking. I'd love to support your mission. And make sure you're subscribed because next Tuesday, I'm sitting down with the extraordinary Dr. Andrew Newberg, a pioneering neuroscientist in the field of neurotheology.

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And we'll explore the intersection of belief, mattering, the brain, and what science reveals about spiritual experience. It's a powerful episode you don't want to miss.

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Until then, remember, if you're intentional about building the life you want, you must be just as intentional about protecting it. Live boldly, lead with intention, and above all, live life passion-struck.

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I was joined by Elizabeth Weingarten, whose new book, Fall in Love with the Questions, explores how the right questions don't just shift our thinking, they unlock deeper connection and self-discovery. And today, I'm bringing you something different, something personal, a solo episode about something foundational, your mental health.

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not in terms of a crisis or clinical diagnosis, but is the quiet root system that everything else in your life grows from. This episode is about the erosion we don't always see, the slow drift that happens when we're still performing, still producing, still showing up, but slowly disconnecting from ourselves.

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We'll talk about why mental health is the baseline for everything that matters, why it's so often ignored until it's too late, and what it looks like to build an emotionally sustainable life before burnout, before breakdown.

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And if this kind of conversation resonates with you, I want to personally invite you into the Ignition Room, our private community for people who want to go deeper, live with intention, and connect around those ideas in real time. Links are in the show notes, and it's built for people like you, people serious about building a life that actually feels like their own.

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Because if we're going to build a life that matters, we can't ignore the thing that sustains all of it. So let's get into it. Thank you for choosing PassionStruck and choosing me to be your host and guide on your journey to creating an intentional life. Now, let that journey begin. Over a decade ago, I was in the middle of a 34-week discipleship class at my church.

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We met twice a week, and we studied scripture. We wrestled with what it meant to live a life of faith, not just in belief, but in behavior. And somewhere around week 12, I started to feel it, this tug, this whisper. I felt like I was being called to help a certain group of people, not the successful, not the already thriving, but the ones who felt lonely, beaten down, bored, broken, hopeless.

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If you've ever felt like you're performing on the outside, but quietly unraveling underneath, this one's for you. Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles. And on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you.

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I didn't know what to do with that. I was a business executive, running teams, building strategy. What did I know about those people? I kept showing up to class twice a week. I kept reading. I kept praying. And the calling didn't go away. But the clarity didn't come either. For years, I carried that feeling in the back of my mind. quietly.

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I didn't understand why I felt drawn to help those who felt unseen. I just knew that the pull wouldn't leave. And during that same season, something else started to shift. At first, it was small. Life just felt duller. Things that used to light me up didn't. The colors around me felt muted. Joy got quieter, and so did I. But I was still showing up, still performing,

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still hitting deadlines, still doing the work. So I ignored it until I couldn't anymore, because eventually I hit the wall mentally, emotionally, physically. I didn't crash all at once, but the weight finally caught up to me. And in the middle of that unraveling, the old question came back, that calling I'd carried for years. And for the first time, I saw it differently. I thought,

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I'd been called to help them, but I realized I was one of them. Lonely, drifting, disconnected, not broken, but breaking. That's when I began to understand something I'd missed for years. These people, the ones I felt drawn to help, they weren't all the same. but they shared something underneath the surface. They didn't just feel stressed. They felt invisible.

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They felt like they didn't count, like their presence made no difference. And when you don't feel like you matter, that's when everything else starts to fall apart quietly. That was the moment it all clicked. Mental health isn't just about what's happening in your mind. It's about what's happening in your soul when you start to believe you don't matter. So that's what today's episode is about.

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Because if we want to build meaningful lives, if we want to lead, love, connect, and create with death, we have to start by tending to the quiet root beneath it all, not strategy. not hustle, mental health, and not just in crisis, not when everything breaks, but every day is the foundation that holds everything else up. Let's begin. Let's start with the truth most of us feel but rarely name.

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Mental health isn't just emotional, it's existential. It's not just about stress or burnout or even anxiety. It's about whether we believe we matter. It's about whether we feel seen, valued, connected, not just in what we do, but in who we are when we're not on. And when that sense of mattering slips, so does our stability. You know the moments when you're crushing it at work, but no one notices.

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Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes.

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When you're there for everyone else. But nobody asks how you're holding up when something changes inside you and it feels like no one's paying attention. That's not just pressure. That's psychological invisibility. And it wears on us, not all at once, but gradually. Because mental health doesn't always collapse on a breakdown.

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Sometimes it just quietly unthreads as the belief that we matter starts to fray. And that leads to four fundamental truths. that are at the heart of this episode. So let's go into truth one. Mental health is the unseen infrastructure of everything that matters. Most of the things we say we want, purpose, connection, confidence, peace, resilience, aren't built on skills alone.

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They're built on internal stability. And that stability doesn't come from what we achieve. It comes from how we're doing on the inside, even when no one's watching. This is the part we skip over. We track our sleep, our steps, our macros. We optimize our calendars. We chase peak performance.

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But if we're not tending to what's underneath our emotional architecture, it all starts to feel strangely hollow. I lived this too. I had seasons where I was at the top of my game professionally. I was recognized, productive, outwardly thriving. But inside, I felt brittle. My days were full and I felt empty. And I remember thinking, if I'm doing everything right, why do I feel so off?

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Because you can be high functioning and still be emotionally unstable. You can execute at a high level while quietly eroding beneath the surface. Mental health isn't some bonus benefit. It's the foundation. It's the baseline energy you need to engage with your life, not just react to it. It's the clarity that lets you respond with intention instead of reactivity.

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It's the fuel behind creativity, focus, connection, and leadership. And when it starts to wobble, everything on top of it gets shaky. You feel it in your sleep, in your short fuse. in the way joy becomes muted, in the way your patience thins, or your confidence stalls, or the light behind your eyes just dims.

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When we talk about how mental health shapes everything that matters, this is what we mean. Because everything that matters lives in the emotional layer. Leadership isn't just strategy. It's emotional regulation under pressure. Relationships aren't just time spent. They're felt connection. Purpose isn't just goals. It's internal resonance. Without a solid foundation, those things don't disappear.

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They just get heavier, blurrier, harder to hold. This isn't weakness, it's wiring. You're not broken for needing inner support to function well on the outside. You're just human. And the sooner we stop treating mental health like an add-on, the sooner we start building lives that can actually carry the weight of what we care about. Because what's underneath is what's holding everything up.

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And this leads us to truth number two. We've pathologized mental health as weakness, Instead, of capacity. Somewhere along the way, we've learned to talk about mental health only in terms of crisis. We wait until things fall apart, until the breakdown comes, until the word burnout finally shows up in our vocabulary. And then... And only then do we name it. But mental health isn't just a red flag.

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It's a vital sign. Just like physical strength helps you carry weight, mental health is what allows you to show up under pressure without crumbling. It's not about whether you're struggling. It's about whether you have the capacity to respond to what life is asking of you. And that capacity shifts.

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It contracts when we're grieving, when we're overextended, when we're isolated, emotionally drained, or moving through life like we're a pinball. But instead of naming that, we bury it. I remember seasons when I was running full tilt, juggling deadlines, Managing teams, taking on more than what was sustainable. And I told myself, John, you're fine. You can handle this.

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Now, let's go out there and become passion struck. Hey, everyone, john here and welcome to Episode 606 of passion struck. Before we dive in, I just want to say thank you. This past week has been filled with meaningful moments for the show in this community. passion struck was just ranked number three on million podcast list of best life leadership podcast.

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So many other people are doing more. I didn't want anyone to know how close I was to the edge. I bought into the idea that if I admitted I was overwhelmed, I'd seem unstable or worse, incapable.

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so i kept pushing but i wasn't being strong i was just suppressing reality and burning through capacity i didn't know i'd need later this is what happens when we mistake depletion for discipline we've smiled through disconnection we lead through exhaustion we perform over a cracked foundation and call it resilience but this isn't about toughness It's about resourcing.

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Are you connected to yourself? Are you emotionally supported? Do you still believe your presence makes a difference? Because when you do, your capacity expands, not because life gets easier, but because you're no longer carrying it alone. You've stopped pretending it's not heavy. The real danger isn't being tired. The real danger is believing that needing help makes you broken. It doesn't.

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What it means is you're wired normally. You're not supposed to be unshakable. You're supposed to be supported. And the moment we stop treating mental health like a personal flaw and start treating it like a shared condition, we start to rebuild something far more powerful than productivity. We build capacity because mental health isn't fragility. It's your operating system.

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And you don't wait until the system crashes. You take care of it while it's still running so it can keep running. And this right here, is why we're dedicating May to these conversations. Because mental health isn't a trend. It's not a week on the calendar. It's the groundwork for everything else that matters.

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So all month long, we're opening the door to deeper questions through solo episodes like this and in conversations with some of the most insightful minds on purpose, presence, and emotional well-being. If you've ever felt like you had to hold it all together alone,

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Or if you've quietly wondered why doing all the right things still doesn't feel quite right, I hope you'll continue to show up here because we're not just talking about mental health, we're reframing it as the first step towards building a life that actually feels like yours. We'll be right back after a quick break from our sponsors.

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And when we return, we'll talk about the hidden cost of pushing things down, how ignoring your mental health doesn't delay the fallout, it multiplies it. And we'll close by exploring why your mental health isn't just important, it's foundational if you want to build a life of real meaning and connection. Welcome back.

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So far, we've talked about how mental health is the unseen infrastructure of everything that matters, and why it's not just about weakness, but about capacity. But what happens when we ignore it? What happens when we just keep pushing, suppressing, pretending we're fine, because asking for help feels like failure? That's where we're going next.

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Because the truth is, ignoring your mental health doesn't delay the cost. It compounds it. And that's truth number three. We like to think we can outpace it. That if we just keep going, just hit the deadline, survive the season, push through the noise, we'll handle our mental health later. But emotional erosion doesn't wait. It just buries itself deeper and compounds.

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And I know this from experience. I was taught early on that needing help was a kind of failure, that therapy or counseling or even just talking to someone was a sign that you were unstable or worse, unfit. When I was in the military, this belief got reinforced. We were warned that seeing a mental health provider could put your security clearance at risk. The message was clear, even if unspoken.

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alongside the Jocko podcast and School of Greatness. And we were honored with the Gold Stevie Award for Best Independent Podcast at the 2025 American Business Awards. Those are incredible honors, but they matter most because of you. Because of this community, this movement, people who don't just listen, but act, reflect, And now we step into a new chapter. May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

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Don't show weakness. Don't say it out loud. Handle it quietly. And so I did. Even as I climbed in my career and my responsibilities grew, I kept pushing everything down. The stress, the internal noise, the exhaustion. I just added more on top, more deadlines, more commitments, more achievement. And from the outside, everything looked fine. But internally...

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It was like piling weight on a structure that had already started to crack. Eventually, the pile gets too high. It doesn't collapse all at once. It buckles slowly. You start forgetting things. You snap quicker. You lose joy in the moments that used to light you up. You don't realize you're drowning until you finally stop kicking. And here's what I learned since.

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