Passion Struck with John R. Miles
Mattering in Love: Stop Settling—Choose Love That Sees You (Part 1) EP 576
Fri, 21 Feb 2025
What if the missing piece in your love life isn’t about finding the right person—but about how you see yourself?In this episode of Passion Struck, John R. Miles explores the concept of mattering in love—why the way you perceive your own worth directly impacts the relationships you attract and accept.Too many people stay in relationships that leave them feeling unseen, undervalued, and emotionally drained—not because they don’t want love, but because they don’t believe they truly matter.Download the Leave Behind in the full show notes at: https://passionstruck.com/mattering-in-love/John breaks down:✅ How your self-worth dictates your relationship choices✅ The danger of chasing validation instead of genuine connection✅ Why so many people mistake attachment for love✅ How to stop settling and start building relationships where you feel chosen, valued, and seenIf you’ve ever felt like you had to earn someone’s affection, if you keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners, or if love has felt more like a struggle than a source of joy, this episode will change your perspective.💡 Mattering in love starts with you—and when you believe you matter, the way you experience love will never be the same.Tune in now and start making the shift toward love that truly fulfills you.Next Episode Preview: Next week, I’m sitting down Edward Fishman, author of choke points, waging economic war in the 21st century. We're diving into the hidden power of global supply chains, how economic warfare is shaping the world, and why controlling choke points, those critical bottlenecks, could be the most powerful weapon of our time, if you want to understand the real forces driving global conflict and competition. This is an episode you don't want to miss. How to Connect with John:Connect with John on Twitter at @John_RMiles and on Instagram at @John_R_Miles.Subscribe to our main YouTube Channel here and to our YouTube Clips Channel here.For more insights and resources, visit John's website.Want to explore where you stand on the path to becoming Passion Struck? Take our 20-question quiz on Passionstruck.com today!If you found value in this episode, share it with a friend and leave us a review to help spread the message of intentional living. Let’s bridge the gap between theory and action and live our lives with purpose!Sponsors:Mint Mobile: Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at “MINT MOBILE dot com slash PASSION.”Hims: Start your journey to regrowing hair with Hims. Get your free online visit at hims.com/PASSIONSTRUCK.Quince: Discover luxury at affordable prices with Quince. Enjoy free shipping and 365-day returns at quince.com/PASSION.Rosetta Stone it's the only way that allows you to Unlock 25 languages for life at “ROSETTASTONE.com/passionstruck.”Prolon helps you Reset your health with 15% off at “ProlonLife.com/passionstruck.”For more information on advertisers and promo codes, visit Passion Struck Deals.Join the Passion Struck Community! Sign up for the Live Intentionally newsletter, where I share exclusive content, actionable advice, and insights to help you ignite your purpose and live your most intentional life. Get access to practical exercises, inspiring stories, and tools designed to help you grow. Learn more and sign up here.Speaking Engagements & Workshops: Are you looking to inspire your team, organization, or audience to take intentional action in their lives and careers? I’m available for keynote speaking, workshops, and leadership training on topics such as intentional living, resilience, leadership, and personal growth. Let’s work together to create transformational change. Learn more at johnrmiles.com/speaking.Episode Starter Packs: With over 500 episodes, it can be overwhelming to know where to start. We’ve curated Episode Starter Packs based on key themes like leadership, mental health, and personal growth, making it easier for you to dive into the topics you care about. Check them out at passionstruck.com/starterpacks.Catch More of Passion Struck:Check My solo episode on Why Mattering at Work Is the New Metric Leaders Must TrackCatch My Episode with Amy Malin On: Living Life From a Place of LoveWatch my interview with Dr. Nicole LePera on How to Be the Love You SeekCan’t miss my episode withAmy Morin on How You Become a Mentally Strong CoupleMy solo episode on Why We All Crave To Matter: Exploring The Power Of MatteringIf you liked the show, please leave us a review—it only takes a moment and helps us reach more people! Don’t forget to include your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally.How to Connect with John:Connect with John on Twitter at @John_RMiles and on Instagram at @John_R_Miles. Subscribe to our main YouTube Channel here and to our YouTube Clips Channel here. For more insights and resources, visit John’s website.Want to explore where you stand on the path to becoming Passion Struck? Take our 20-question quiz on Passionstruck.com and find out today!
Chapter 1: What is the biggest reason people stay in unfulfilling relationships?
Coming up next on Passion Struck. What if I told you that the biggest reason people stay in unfulfilling relationships isn't love, it's self-worth? That most people aren't actually choosing love, they're just trying not to be alone. The truth is, the way you experience love is a direct reflection of what you believe you deserve.
And if you keep attracting people who don't show up for you, if you feel like you have to convince someone to choose you, then it's time to shift your mindset. In this episode, I'm breaking down the mattering mindset in love, how to stop settling, start building better relationships, and finally feel seen, valued, and chosen. Because love isn't something you earn.
It's something you build with the right person. Ready to change the way you love? Let's dive in.
welcome to passion struck hi i'm your host john r miles and on the show we decipher the secrets tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself if you're new to the show i offer advice and answer listener questions on fridays
We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become PassionStruck. Hey there, PassionStruck fam. Welcome to episode 576. Whether you've been here for a while or this is your first time, welcome.
This is where we challenge conventional thinking and create lives of impact. Earlier this week, we had two incredible conversations that pushed the boundaries of personal transformation. On Tuesday, I sat down with Randy Blight, frontman of Lamb of God, to discuss resilience, discipline, and how art can be a vehicle for self-discovery.
Then, on Thursday, Dr. Scott Scher joined me to explore cutting-edge science and longevity in peak performance, sharing how GABA, one of the most misunderstood neurotransmitters, is changing the game in human optimization. And today, we're shifting the focus again, because what if the missing piece in your life isn't just about personal success or growth, but about the way you approach love?
Let me ask you something. Have you ever stayed in a relationship that made you feel invisible? Have you ever chased someone who never really chose you? Have you ever convinced yourself that a situation was more than it actually was? Just because you didn't want to admit the truth, here's the hard reality.
So many people settle for relationships that leave them feeling unfulfilled, undervalued, and unseen. And it's not because they want to settle. It's not because they don't want a great relationship. It's because they don't believe they matter. And when you don't believe you matter, when you don't believe you're worthy of the love you actually want, this is what happens. You settle.
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Chapter 2: How does self-worth dictate relationship choices?
and the biggest mistake people make they choose partners from self-doubt instead of self-worth they chase attention instead of connection they adjust themselves instead of standing in who they really are they tolerate inconsistency instead of recognizing their value and here's the truth the more you filter edit and shrink yourself to fit someone else's expectations
the more disconnected you become from the love that's actually right for you. So if you want to attract the right relationship, you have to start by showing up fully as yourself. This starts with the shift from dating to be liked to dating to be known. When you stop trying to win someone over, You open yourself up to real connection.
And then you need to ask yourself, am I adjusting to impress them or am I showing up as my real self? If you're editing yourself, pause. If you're constantly questioning whether you should say something, that's a sign you're not being fully you. And then set one boundary early and observe their reaction. Maybe it's about how often you communicate. Maybe it's about how fast the relationship moves.
The right person will respect it. The wrong person will push back. And this brings us back to Vanessa and John, who went on a trip to Costa Rica together. And while they were there, Vanessa could feel John pulling away. Instead of chasing or trying to make him like her, she made a powerful decision. She told him, I know I'm awesome, and I know what I bring to the table.
If you don't want it, that's fine, but I need to know. That's what mattering in love looks like. Choosing yourself instead of trying to convince someone else to. So the next time you catch yourself overanalyzing a text, We're delaying your response to play it cool. Do this instead. Respond in a way that feels natural. Don't edit. Don't strategize. Just be real.
Because if someone is only interested in you when you're performing, they are not the right person. So think about it. If you weren't afraid of losing someone, how would you really act? Would you set stronger boundaries? Would you express your needs instead of suppressing them? Would you stop shrinking yourself to fit someone else's preferences? Because here's the thing.
When you truly believe you matter, you don't play games. You don't beg for attention. You don't overthink every interaction. You show up as your full self and trust that the right person will meet you at your level. And that's how you stop chasing love and start choosing it. So now I want to discuss how to know if you're chasing the wrong person.
This all comes down to the question, are you in love with who they are or who you hope they'll become? Some people stay in dead end relationships, not because of who their partner is, but because of who they believe they could be. This is something Dr. Marisa Franco,
one of the world's leading experts in human connection, a New York Times bestselling author, psychologist, and TED speaker, shared with me on PassionStruck in episode 207. Dr. Franco has spent years studying the psychology of relationships and attachment, translating complex research into actionable insights that help people transform their connections.
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