Passion Struck with John R. Miles
Gretchen Rubin on the Secrets of Adulthood and Happiness | EP 604
Tue, 29 Apr 2025
In this special live episode of Passion Struck, host John R. Miles welcomes New York Times bestselling author Gretchen Rubin to explore the timeless wisdom captured in her latest work, Secrets of Adulthood. Recorded at the vibrant Oxford Exchange in Tampa, Florida, this conversation dives deep into the small but powerful lessons that can transform the way we live, love, and grow.Gretchen Rubin, known for her groundbreaking books The Happiness Project and The Four Tendencies, shares why she believes Secrets of Adulthood is the book she has been writing in her mind for decades. Through a series of carefully crafted aphorisms—short, memorable phrases that distill big truths—Rubin captures what she has learned about human nature, habits, relationships, and personal growth. Her goal: to offer readers simple yet profound insights that illuminate the path to a happier, more intentional life.Click here for the full show notes: https://passionstruck.com/gretchen-rubin-on-the-secrets-of-adulthood/Join the Ignition Room!Join the new Passion Struck Community! - The Ignition Room: https://station.page/passionstruckKey Takeaways: Why Gretchen views aphorisms as a powerful literary tool How she shifted from "drift" to intentional living The surprising impact of losing two senses (taste and smell) after COVID The lessons Gretchen learned from Samuel Johnson about abstinence vs moderation Her advice on how adults can build and maintain meaningful friendships How to embrace paradoxes in love, parenting, and personal development The surprising truth about regret and decision-making Why Gretchen believes "a quest is more fun than a jaunt" For more information on Gretchen Rubin: https://gretchenrubin.com/Sponsors: Factor Meals: http://factormeals.com/factormeals50off and use code “FACTOR MEALS 50 OFF” Rosetta Stone: Unlock 25 languages for life at “ROSETTASTONE.com/passionstruck.” Prolon: Reset your health with 15% off at “ProlonLife.com/passionstruck.” Mint Mobile: Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at “MINT MOBILE dot com slash PASSION.” Hims: Start your journey to regrowing hair with Hims. Visit hims.com/PASSIONSTRUCK for your free online visit. Quince: Discover luxury at affordable prices with Quince. Enjoy free shipping and 365-day returns at quince.com/PASSION For more information on advertisers and promo codes, visit Passion Struck Deals.Speaking Engagements & WorkshopsAre you looking to inspire your team, organization, or audience to take intentional action in their lives and careers? I’m available for keynote speaking, workshops, and leadership training on topics such as intentional living, resilience, leadership, and personal growth. Let’s work together to create transformational change. Learn more at johnrmiles.com/speaking.Episode Starter PacksWith over 500 episodes, it can be overwhelming to know where to start. We’ve curated Episode Starter Packs based on key themes like leadership, mental health, and personal growth, making it easier for you to dive into the topics you care about. Check them out at passionstruck.com/starterpacks.Catch More of Passion Struck: My solo episode on The Mattering Mindset in Love – Choose the Love You Deserve Can't miss my episode with Jennifer B. Wallace on the Consequences of Prioritizing Achievements Over Mattering My episode with The Art of Listening: How to Make People Feel Like They Matter Catch my interview with Laurie Santos on How to Matter in a Busy World Listen to my solo episode on Fading into Insignificance: The Impact of Un-Mattering in Our Interconnected Era If you liked the show, please leave us a review—it only takes a moment and helps us reach more people! Don’t forget to include your Twitter or Instagram handle so we can thank you personally.How to Connect with John: Connect with John on Twitter at @John_RMiles Follow him on Instagram at @John_R_Miles Subscribe to our main YouTube Channel and to our YouTube Clips Channel For more insights and resources, visit John’s website Want to explore where you stand on the path to becoming Passion Struck? Take our 20-question quiz on Passionstruck.com and find out today!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Chapter 1: Who is Gretchen Rubin and what is Secrets of Adulthood about?
Welcome to Passion Struck. Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles, and on the show, we decipher the secrets, tips, and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself.
If you're new to the show, I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long-form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries, and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become Passion Struck. Welcome to Passion Struck episode 604.
Whether this is your first time tuning in, or you've been with us for a while, thank you for joining a movement that's all about defying limits, living with intention, and making what truly matters matter most. Now let me ask you something. What if the biggest breakthroughs in life aren't about chasing something new, but finally seeing what's been true all along?
What if wisdom isn't reserved for milestones, but built moment by moment in the small choices, the quiet reflections, the everyday acts of courage? And what if the secret to building a better life isn't about becoming someone else, but becoming more deeply yourself? Today, we explore those ideas with one of the world's most beloved guides to happiness, habits, and human nature, Gretchen Rubin.
Gretchen is the number one New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness Project, The Four Tendencies, Better Than Before, and Life in Five Senses. And she's back with her newest work, Secrets of Adulthood, a distillation of the hard-won lessons, insights and truths that help us live more wisely, intentionally and joyfully.
We recorded this conversation live in front of a vibrant packed house of over 200 people at the beautiful Oxford Exchange in Tampa, Florida. The energy, the laughter, and the moments of reflection made this one of my favorite events yet, and I can't wait for you to experience it. In today's episode, we dive into why aphorisms carry power in an overwhelming world.
How self-knowledge is the foundation for lasting happiness. what it really means to accept yourself and expect more from yourself, and how small shifts in perspective can change the course of life. This conversation also feels special because PassionStruck was recently honored with the Gold Stevie Award for Best Independent Podcast at the 2025 American Business Awards.
It's a reminder that building lives of meaning and mattering truly resonates. Check the show notes for more information. And if you're new to PassionStruck, don't miss our episode starter packs, theme playlists on resilience, mindset, leadership, and emotional mastery at passionstruck.com slash starter packs or directly on Spotify. And this past week, we had some unforgettable conversations.
Last Tuesday, I spoke with meditation master, Yonge Mingorumpashe.
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Chapter 2: How did losing senses after COVID influence Gretchen Rubin's perspective?
Why did you think now was the right time to bring this out?
Well, a couple strands came together. First of all, my daughters, you know, I'm going into the empty nest phase, which I am rebranding as the open door because I don't like the term empty nest. And so I wanted to write down kind of the lessons that I had learned through time and experience, usually the hard way.
to give my daughters, to try to spare them some of the suffering or frustration or procrastination that I had gone through. And then also I wanted to write it down for myself because I feel like I keep learning the same lessons over and over and over, like something that can be done at any time is often done at no time. I have to remind myself of that constantly.
And so I wanted to write these down in a collection. But I also have, for a very long time, as you noticed, been very attracted to this form of the aphorism. Now, the word aphorism does not appear on the cover of the book because nobody knows what an aphorism is. And an aphorism is a general observation about human nature that's made in a very succinct way.
And it's attributed to a particular person. So this is different from a proverb. So a proverb is something like, a stumble may prevent a fall. Or here's one of my favorites. Sailors fear fire more than water. This is folk wisdom that's floating around. We don't attribute it to a particular person. If it's an aphorism, it's like Mark Twain said it, Warren Buffet said it, Oscar Wilde said it.
And so these are my secrets of adulthood. So they're aphorisms because they're attributed to me. And then I really wanted to embrace this very ancient literary form where you're really trying to distill big ideas into a very, very short form. And it's hard to be concise. It forces you to be very clear in your thinking. And I often would think of that line, I'm sorry I wrote you such a long letter.
I didn't have time to write a short one. It takes a long time to write short.
And as I was reading the book, you say you originally wrote it for your daughters. And then as you were doing it, you realized it was more for yourself, actually.
Yeah, exactly, yeah.
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Chapter 3: Why did Gretchen Rubin choose aphorisms to share her insights?
Can you share an example when one of these secrets gave you unexpected clarity?
Oh, one of my own or somebody else's gave it to me?
No, someone else's.
Okay. So, and I've told this story many times because it truly did transform my life. So I am a huge fan of Samuel Johnson, Dr. Johnson, and he is an amazing aphorist. I highly recommend him. And I was reading kind of, he was so celebrated that they would even just keep accounts of conversations that he had.
So I was reading, it's not even really a book, it's sort of an appendix, but there was an account of a conversation where Dr. Johnson walked into a party and someone asked if he would take a little wine. And he said, I can't take a little. Moderation is as difficult to me as... Abstinence is as difficult to me as temperance would... Abstinence is as easy to me as temperance would be difficult.
Meaning, I can have none, but I can't have a little bit. Abstinence is as easy to me as temperance would be difficult. See, this is the thing about an aphorism. You have to get it exactly right. But when I read that, it was a huge insight for me because I had this really overwhelming sweet tooth. And I thought, maybe I'm like Dr. Johnson. Maybe I should just have none.
Maybe, and I realized I'm an all or nothing person, I can have no Thin Mint cookies very, very easily. or I can have a whole sleeve of Thin Mint cookies. I can't have one Thin Mint cookie. I can't have half a dish of ice cream. I can't have one square of fine chocolate. You know, and so, and I realized, that's okay. That's just how some people are, and I gave up sugar.
That was like 13 years ago, and it is so, And I wouldn't say this is true for everyone. Not everybody wants to give up sugar. It's just something that works really well for me. But I hadn't even considered that approach until I read that from Dr. Johnson talking about himself. So that was something that transformed my whole life. There was just this really boring noise in my head that went away.
Well, there are those things that you end up hearing. For me, how many people here know who Robin Sharma is, the author? So I happened to be talking to Robin. And as we were talking, we were talking about how many people are on their phones and disconnected and everything else.
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Chapter 4: What life lessons did Gretchen Rubin gain from Samuel Johnson's aphorism on moderation?
And I feel like it's really made a difference. So talking about micro habits, whereas something like going to the med every day is a very kind of transcendent habit. It's also made a huge difference in my daily life. It's just such a pleasure and it's such a solace and a respite. But, you know, note to self, live within walking distance of a major museum. I got that done.
But I have lived within walking distance of it for a very long time, and I hardly ever went. So it's not like that was enough.
So I think Picasso is a great segue to the next question, which is going to be about Picasso.
Oh, yeah.
So in the book you have this saying, own your fakes.
Are you painting your own fakes?
Are you painting your own fakes? And this was one of my favorite stories that you wrote about, so I was hoping you might be able to share it.
Okay, so the aphorism is the question, are you painting your own fakes? So this is a true story where a gallery owner had come into possession of an alleged Picasso, so he goes to Kahn to ask Picasso in his studio, is this your work? And Picasso glances at it and he says, oh no, that's a fake.
And some time goes by, and another artwork emerges, and the dealer takes it to Picasso, and Picasso says, no, no, no, that's a fake. And then the dealer says, Maître, I myself saw you paint this with my own eyes. And Picasso said, I often paint fakes. And I think this is for people who are creative, which is, are you dialing it in? Are you just following in a rote way?
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Chapter 5: How can adults build and maintain meaningful friendships?
So Gretchen, I wanted to ask you a couple non-book related, just fun questions.
Oh, good.
Okay, so the first one is you get to be on the late, late night show and you're in a car and you're gonna do car karaoke. Who, what performer would you want to be in the car with?
Dolly Parton.
Oh, wow. Why?
I just admire Dolly Parton so much. She seems like a truly good person. And she's so in command of herself and her business. And she's such a great artist. Here's a Dolly Parton-related aphorism. You don't have to be good at something to be good at something. Dolly Parton can't raise music.
OK, and this next question came off of me reading this. A quest is more fun than a jaunt. So I have a lot of friends who happen to be astronauts.
And how is that possible?
Did you all know that we have an astronaut that lives in St. Pete, Nicole Stott? Yes. And she runs this great organization doing space art. So she's one. But one of my best friends from the Naval Academy, Chris Cassidy, was the chief astronaut. So through him, I met all these other astronauts. And when I was at the Academy, my...
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